Ep.#448 - Heartbeeps

Stuart Wellington

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss heartbeats.

[0:03] Uh-uh-uh. Academy Award nominee heartbeats for funniest movie.

Dan McCoy

[0:08] No, half of that's true.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to The Flophouse.

[0:37] I'm Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[0:39] I'm Stewie Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:40] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:42] And, Dan, is anything special happening right now?

Dan McCoy

[0:44] Yeah, yeah, shut up, Elliot Kalin, because I've got to talk to these people about stuff.

[0:49] I deserve that.

[0:50] I earned it, yeah.

[0:51] It's Max Fun Drive.

[0:53] It's the, I mean, it just, you know, technically it just ended, but you know what?

[0:56] There's a weekend amnesty.

[0:58] Shh, don't tell anyone.

[0:59] And Max Fun Drive is the one time a year we come to you and ask, essentially,

[1:03] hey, if you like the show, why not tip us for that?

[1:06] You know, help us keep making it.

[1:07] If you spend, say, like $5 a month on a fancy coffee,

[1:10] maybe get some less fancy coffee and support a show that you love

[1:13] and has become a valued part of your life.

[1:16] We'll talk more about it later.

[1:17] But if you join now at MaximumFun.org slash join,

[1:24] you can safely ignore all following messages,

[1:27] which is a tremendous value in and of itself.

[1:30] So right now, let's get back to the show, though,

[1:32] which is we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[1:35] And today we're watching one.

[1:37] Again, no Spider-Man to be seen anywhere in this film.

Stuart Wellington

[1:40] I was, my peepers were peeled.

Dan McCoy

[1:42] Yeah, because, you know, we made the bold claim that there's no Spider-Man in heartbeeps,

[1:46] but we didn't go through frame by frame to make sure.

[1:48] We didn't check it ahead of time.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49] We did not do a research ahead of time.

[1:50] And since we advertised that Max Fun Drive's theme would be no Spider-Man movies,

[1:55] as listeners know, we did Craven, we did Venom, and now heartbeeps.

[1:59] It really would have been a real kick in the keister if we were watching Spider-Man

[2:03] and just strolled past the camera.

Stuart Wellington

[2:04] It would have been such a Flophouse moment, right?

[2:06] Like a classic Flophouse whoopsie doodle.

Dan McCoy

[2:10] We'd be pointing to the screen like Leo DiCaprio in the meme,

[2:14] but we would be unhappy.

Stuart Wellington

[2:15] Yeah, we'd be texting each other,

[2:17] guys, I got some bad news.

[2:19] We fucked it up.

[2:19] Oh, no.

Elliott Kalan

[2:20] Now, this is, so this movie, Heartbeeps,

[2:23] it's been a longtime joke on the podcast

[2:25] because Stuart decided arbitrarily at some point

[2:27] that Paul Schrader had written and directed it.

[2:30] But there is a Paul Schrader connection kind of to this movie, right, Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[2:33] Yeah, so, oh, let me pull that up.

[2:36] But while I'm talking about it, guys, you know,

[2:40] every once in a while, you know,

[2:41] I'm willing to eat a little crow here and there.

[2:44] And I've been watching.

Dan McCoy

[2:45] Crows, you know, they hold a grudge.

[2:48] They do.

[2:49] After watching this one.

[2:49] Crows genuinely do.

Elliott Kalan

[2:50] Crows will remember you,

[2:52] and they will tell other crows about you.

[2:54] Crows are some of the smartest birds.

[2:55] This asshole ate crow.

Stuart Wellington

[2:57] I mean, if I ate it,

[2:59] it's probably not going to be chatting it.

[3:01] No, I'm saying that.

[3:02] It's not like I'm going to be sending emails from my tummy.

[3:04] Crows, friends, and neighbors,

[3:05] they'd be like,

Elliott Kalan

[3:06] that's the guy that Bill went home with

[3:09] and we never saw him again.

[3:10] That's what the crows would be saying about you.

Stuart Wellington

[3:12] Yeah, that's fair.

[3:13] So, just letting everyone know,

[3:15] you know,

[3:15] I talked a big game,

[3:17] but watching this movie,

[3:18] guys,

[3:20] I think Paul Schrader didn't have anything to do with making this movie.

[3:24] Oh, the scales would fall from his eyes.

[3:27] I don't think he wrote it or directed it,

[3:30] and I was so sure.

[3:31] And,

[3:32] guys,

[3:33] I don't know what to think anymore.

[3:35] Have I misremembered other things?

[3:38] Yeah,

Stuart Wellington

[3:38] it's possible.

Elliott Kalan

[3:39] I mean,

[3:39] you did once misremember that someone ripped their own ding dong off in a movie.

[3:43] You know,

Dan McCoy

[3:43] life in America feels like the sand is,

[3:45] like,

[3:46] falling away beneath our feet right now.

[3:47] Oh, yeah,

[3:47] the ground is constantly shifting.

[3:49] This is the last thing to,

[3:50] like,

[3:50] that we thought was certain that Paul Schrader did.

Elliott Kalan

[3:52] As the rules of society fall apart,

[3:55] we knew for sure that at least we,

[3:57] Paul Schrader was the creative vision behind Heart Beeps.

[4:00] But it turns out that Paul Schrader,

[4:01] who seems to specialize in stories of individual men,

[4:05] for the most part,

[4:05] with shadowy pasts who keep diaries

[4:08] and find themselves pushed to a philosophical or ethical kind of breaking point

[4:15] or conundrum point,

[4:17] that the story of two robots in love that wander around for a while was not,

[4:20] was not a Paul Schrader joint.

[4:22] this time.

Stuart Wellington

[4:23] So,

[4:24] what other,

[4:24] what other pop culture things do I not remember right?

[4:29] Is Lord of the Rings not awesome?

[4:32] Did those nerds in Revenge of the Nerds not commit crimes?

[4:35] Well,

[4:36] they did commit crimes.

[4:37] They did,

[4:37] yeah.

[4:37] At least one.

[4:38] What else am I not,

[4:39] listeners,

[4:39] write in if I've made any other whoopsie doodles.

[4:42] Yeah,

Dan McCoy

[4:42] write in because you're familiar with Stuart's brain.

Stuart Wellington

[4:44] There's like 17 years of my unfiltered brain on tape,

[4:48] Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[4:49] Stuart,

[4:49] at least you do remember the genie movie that,

[4:52] Sinbad,

[4:52] the comedian made called Shazam,

[4:54] right?

[4:54] You remember that?

[4:55] Yeah,

[4:55] of course I remember that.

[4:56] Okay,

Elliott Kalan

[4:56] okay,

[4:57] good.

[4:57] A lot of people think that didn't exist because it's so obviously.

[5:00] I saw it in the theater with my dad.

[5:01] Yeah,

[5:01] exactly.

[5:02] And you remembered seeing it because you were like,

[5:04] oh,

[5:04] Kazam just came out.

[5:05] And now Sinbad's making a genie movie called Shazam.

[5:08] That's why you remember it.

Stuart Wellington

[5:09] Yeah.

[5:09] Yeah,

[5:09] that's why,

[5:10] that's easily how I,

[5:11] how I put it together.

[5:11] Okay.

[5:12] So I just want to throw in a little MaxFun factoid.

[5:15] This is from MaxFun producer,

[5:17] Marissa Flaxbart.

[5:19] She says,

[5:21] for years,

[5:22] I worked as an assistant to Michael Phillips,

[5:24] who was a producer on Taxi Driver,

[5:26] along with other big 70s films.

[5:29] He was also a producer on Heartbeeps.

[5:33] So there's only one degree of separation between Paul Schrader and Heartbeeps.

[5:36] And I feel like.

[5:37] That's probably what you're thinking about.

[5:38] You can see that connection on the screen.

[5:40] Yeah.

[5:40] I think so.

Elliott Kalan

[5:40] It's hard to believe that Michael Phillips,

[5:42] who is not just one of the producers,

[5:44] his production,

[5:44] his producer credit is very prominent in the opening credits of the movie that he probably

[5:48] went to his old pal,

[5:49] the Schrade and was like,

[5:50] Hey,

[5:51] can you give us a little bit of help on Heartbeeps?

[5:52] Cause it needs,

[5:53] it needs your unique,

[5:54] uh,

[5:55] some would say paranoid,

[5:57] schizophrenic,

[5:58] uh,

[5:58] psychopathic view of life.

Dan McCoy

[6:00] And poker playing.

[6:02] This film,

[6:03] uh,

[6:04] here's a question I'd like to ask you guys about this film.

[6:06] Is it.

[6:07] Heartbeeps or,

[6:08] or something else.

[6:09] Heartbeeps.

[6:09] Okay.

[6:10] Is it explicable?

[6:12] Or would you call it in?

Elliott Kalan

[6:15] That's a good.

[6:16] With regards to explicability.

[6:18] I would say in terms of the plot of the movie,

[6:19] it's explicable.

[6:20] But in terms of the existence of the movie,

[6:22] I feel like that is inexplicable.

[6:24] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[6:25] I,

[6:25] I would normally,

[6:26] this is normally the part of the podcast where I would be pushing you guys and be

[6:29] like,

[6:29] guys,

[6:29] enough silliness.

[6:30] Let's get to the plot.

[6:31] But the thing is,

[6:31] this movie is like,

[6:32] 75 minutes long.

[6:34] And the plot is,

[6:34] let's say,

[6:35] at least.

Elliott Kalan

[6:36] Somehow,

[6:37] somehow it is 75 minutes long,

[6:39] but yet it feels longer than,

[6:41] uh,

[6:42] than,

[6:42] uh,

[6:42] any movie I've ever seen before.

[6:44] It feels like it just takes forever.

[6:47] You know?

Dan McCoy

[6:47] I do believe this was cut down.

[6:49] I do believe this was sort of the producers.

Elliott Kalan

[6:51] Oh,

[6:51] did they,

Elliott Kalan

[6:51] did they remove the scenes of things happening?

[6:55] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[6:55] I mean,

[6:55] I can only assume based on the existing,

[6:57] the extant heartbeats that this is one of the rare cases where the producers were correct.

[7:01] And they're like,

[7:02] yes,

[7:02] let's just cut this to the bone.

[7:04] They were like,

Elliott Kalan

[7:05] this is gonna be such a huge hit.

[7:06] We got to fit in as many screenings per day as possible.

[7:09] Just cut it as short as it can be.

[7:11] Cause people are just going to be,

[7:12] we're just gonna be revolving door of people going in to see heartbeats,

[7:16] leaving,

[7:16] getting back in line to see heartbeats again.

[7:18] We got to turn,

[7:19] it's gonna be a moneymaker.

[7:20] Huge.

[7:20] You know,

Dan McCoy

[7:21] I,

[7:21] I want to address before we get really rolling though,

[7:24] like Stuart's,

[7:25] uh,

[7:25] Stuart made a joke that may or may not have,

[7:27] uh,

[7:28] opened this episode about this being an Academy Award winning picture or nominated picture for funniest movie.

[7:34] This is of course based on the actual reality that it is a Academy Award nominated picture for best makeup,

[7:40] Stan Winston's makeup.

[7:41] And there are a lot of skilled people.

[7:42] But what did it lose to,

[7:43] Dan?

[7:44] Uh,

[7:45] it lost to,

[7:46] oh shit,

[7:47] I knew this.

Stuart Wellington

[7:48] You know this,

[7:48] Dan.

[7:48] Imagine a silken white ponytail.

[7:51] This was the first makeup,

[7:52] the first best makeup award ever.

[7:54] American Werewolf in London.

[7:55] Yes,

[7:55] yes sir.

[7:56] Exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[7:57] Very deserved loss.

[8:00] In researching heartbeats,

[8:02] yeah,

[8:02] in researching heartbeats,

[8:04] I looked,

[8:04] I looked up the history of the Academy Award for best makeup,

[8:07] which came about after Elephant Man came out and people were like,

[8:11] there's no Academy Award to recognize the amazing work in Elephant Man and makeup.

[8:15] And so after that,

[8:16] they created this one and heartbeats was nominated for the very first,

[8:18] first one and lost to an American Werewolf in London,

[8:20] which again,

[8:21] deservedly,

[8:21] and the makeup in this does not look bad.

[8:23] It looked,

[8:24] you know,

[8:24] Stan Winston did a good job,

[8:25] but I mean,

[8:26] American Werewolf in London is the greatest makeup jobs in the history of film.

[8:29] Yeah.

[8:29] I would say,

[8:30] yeah,

[8:30] he did.

[8:30] You believe that guy's turning into an American Werewolf and not just anywhere in London.

[8:37] Uh-huh.

Dan McCoy

[8:37] Yeah.

[8:38] I am not wild about the design of these characters.

[8:42] I mean,

[8:43] there's a certain Mad Magazine quality to it that I,

[8:45] I do like.

[8:46] Yes.

[8:46] It's like,

[8:47] they,

[8:47] they're cartoony robot in a way that ultimately is less cute than off-putting,

[8:53] but it is executed well.

Elliott Kalan

[8:55] Yes,

[8:55] exactly.

[8:55] I say it's visually unappealing,

[8:57] but they did a good job executing it.

[8:59] Yeah,

[8:59] exactly.

Stuart Wellington

[9:01] So speaking of visually unappealing,

[9:03] let's get to heartbeats,

[9:04] baby.

[9:04] Okay.

[9:05] So the movie opens.

Elliott Kalan

[9:05] The funny thing is,

[9:06] sorry,

[9:07] I just want to say preview.

[9:08] The visual is not the least unappealing thing about the movie I found.

Stuart Wellington

[9:11] Okay.

[9:13] Listeners,

[9:13] why don't you write down on a piece of paper what you think Elliot's least appealing part is,

[9:18] and then you'll find out at the end.

Elliott Kalan

[9:20] Write down what you think is the aspect of the movie that I hoped when it first appeared

[9:23] would be,

[9:24] turn out to be a joke that would go away,

Dan McCoy

[9:26] but does not go away and remains throughout the movie.

[9:28] Also,

[9:28] I wanted to mention though,

[9:29] in this thing though,

[9:30] that John Williams also did the score.

[9:31] Like there's a lot of great craftspeople in addition to a great cast.

[9:34] This is something I was going to say later.

Elliott Kalan

[9:35] I think the score is really good.

Dan McCoy

[9:37] It is a very good score.

Elliott Kalan

[9:38] That opening song is really great.

[9:39] I think a lot of the scores,

[9:40] it's fantastic.

Stuart Wellington

[9:41] Yeah,

[9:42] it's John Williams.

[9:43] There's also,

[9:44] not to,

[9:45] you know,

[9:45] I'm sure we'll talk about him at length for his,

[9:48] what,

[9:48] one scene,

[9:49] but a veteran character actor,

[9:51] Dick Miller is in this.

[9:52] You would know him from getting blasted by other robots in the movie,

[9:58] Chopping Mall.

[9:59] Or from Gremlins.

[10:01] No,

Elliott Kalan

[10:02] Chopping Mall.

[10:03] So this was directed by Alan Arkish,

[10:04] who comes from the Corman School.

[10:06] He and Joe Dante are,

[10:07] you know,

[10:07] were very close.

[10:09] And he did Rock and Roll High School.

[10:10] So that's why Dick Miller's in it.

[10:11] It's why Paul Bartell shows up,

[10:12] why Mary Warren off shows up.

[10:14] So there's a,

[10:15] there are moments in it where I'm like,

[10:16] oh,

[10:16] imagine the better version of this movie.

Stuart Wellington

[10:19] That really takes advantage of having people hanging out.

[10:21] Yeah.

[10:23] Okay.

[10:24] Let's get started.

[10:26] So the movie opens,

[10:27] we are introduced to the crime,

[10:31] deluxe crime buster robot,

[10:32] who is tooling around the woodland,

[10:35] scaring animals and blasting things.

[10:37] And I think he's like listing his,

[10:39] his abilities and talking shit.

[10:43] Like he's,

[10:43] he's maintaining a constant monologue as a robot,

[10:47] which is always great.

[10:48] You always want your robots talking to themselves.

[10:50] Yeah.

[10:50] I mean,

[10:51] well,

Dan McCoy

[10:51] there is sort of just constant muttering in this film,

[10:54] whether it be to oneself as a robot or to another childlike robot.

Stuart Wellington

[10:59] Mm-hmm.

[10:59] Uh,

[11:00] yeah,

[11:00] you got to fill that space.

[11:01] Uh,

[11:02] if,

[11:02] if there's no like random noise,

[11:04] there's no plot.

[11:04] If there's no random noises happening,

[11:06] people will get confused.

[11:07] They will not think they're watching a movie anymore,

[11:09] that they're looking at a painting and that's not what they paid for.

[11:11] No,

[11:12] not at all.

[11:12] And they'll be like,

[11:13] well,

[11:13] why is this painting moving?

[11:14] What's going on?

[11:15] Did those edibles kick in early?

Elliott Kalan

[11:19] There's supposed to be time relievers.

[11:20] for the funeral I'm going to later.

Stuart Wellington

[11:24] So,

[11:25] uh,

[11:25] we then cut,

[11:26] and this,

[11:26] this theme of highly advanced robotics amid beautiful forest land,

[11:32] untouched,

[11:33] uh,

[11:34] nature is constant throughout the movie.

[11:37] So be prepared for that.

Elliott Kalan

[11:37] You could say that this movie is very far ahead of its time in that imagery of robots in a woodland setting,

[11:42] which I feel like is 70% of the AI generated art that I stumble upon online is like a robot in a forest

[11:50] with next to a deer or something like that.

[11:52] Yeah,

Stuart Wellington

[11:52] like a robot druid.

[11:54] And I'm like,

[11:54] yes,

[11:54] exactly.

[11:54] It's looking cool,

Elliott Kalan

[11:55] dude.

[11:56] And the other,

[11:57] the other AI art is always like Jesus with crabs around him and he's got boobs or something like that.

[12:02] There's a lot of that online.

[12:04] Okay.

[12:05] I'm into that.

[12:06] I mean,

[12:06] now you're turning me around on AI.

[12:07] There's a lot of like Jesus blessing,

[12:09] large praying mantises and things like that.

[12:11] So anyway,

Dan McCoy

[12:12] no,

[12:12] it is marvelous in a horrible way.

[12:15] Like for someone who doesn't like AI,

[12:17] it's marvelous how it,

[12:18] uh,

[12:19] because it's drawing on sort of like these vast resources.

[12:22] It's like,

[12:23] okay,

[12:23] we'll take all of the most like overused themes in art and cram them together.

[12:30] Like art on the internet specifically and cram them together in a way that makes it even more inexplicable than had a human decided to draw a druid robot.

[12:39] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[12:39] Yeah.

[12:40] Okay.

[12:41] So we now cut to the interior of a robot.

[12:45] What?

[12:46] Like a repair facility.

[12:48] It's like a giant warehouse.

Elliott Kalan

[12:49] Yeah.

[12:50] It looks like a warehouse.

[12:50] I think it's implied that it's a factory,

[12:52] but it seems like a warehouse or a testing facility.

Stuart Wellington

[12:54] Yeah.

[12:55] Yeah.

[12:55] Uh,

[12:55] we have two like,

[12:57] you know,

[12:58] basic entry level workmen there.

Elliott Kalan

[13:00] They're right out of the money for nothing video,

[13:02] except they're live action.

[13:03] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[13:03] Yeah.

[13:04] Unlike everyone else,

[13:05] they're the live action.

[13:07] Uh,

[13:07] we have,

[13:08] we have Charlie and Max.

[13:09] The money for nothing guys are not live action.

[13:11] Yeah,

[13:11] that's true.

[13:12] And,

[13:12] and these guys,

[13:13] I don't think make any homophobic slurs,

[13:16] unlike the guys in the money for nothing.

[13:17] No,

[13:17] that's true.

[13:18] That's a good point.

[13:18] Also,

Dan McCoy

[13:19] when you said robot repair,

[13:20] I'm like,

[13:20] oh man,

[13:21] this,

[13:21] this would be so much better movie if,

[13:23] uh,

[13:23] Phil Hartman just showed up as a robot and did the classic Jack Candy robot repair sketch in the middle of it.

[13:29] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[13:29] Uh,

[13:30] so we have these two workmen.

[13:32] They are transporting Val,

[13:35] a valet robot.

[13:36] Who plays the workmen?

Elliott Kalan

[13:37] Randy Quaid and?

[13:39] And Kenneth McMillan,

[13:41] who I know best as the police officer from,

[13:44] uh,

[13:44] from,

[13:45] uh,

[13:45] taking Pelham on two,

[13:45] three,

[13:46] who goes,

[13:46] oh,

[13:46] the mayor's here.

[13:47] Whenever he starts booing,

[13:48] but you may know him best as Baron Harkonnen from the David Lynch.

Stuart Wellington

[13:51] Oh,

[13:51] right.

[13:51] That is how I know him best.

[13:53] That is how I know him.

[13:54] Okay.

[13:54] So they are transporting Val,

[13:56] a valet robot wearing a suit.

[13:58] Can you describe Val,

[13:59] the robot,

[14:00] Dan?

[14:00] Uh,

[14:01] yeah.

Dan McCoy

[14:02] I mean,

[14:02] he is in sort of a robot leisure suit.

[14:06] Like he,

[14:07] you know,

[14:07] it's,

[14:08] if,

[14:08] if you wanted to signal like sort of seventies square,

[14:12] you might,

[14:13] uh,

[14:13] put a robot in this outfit.

[14:15] And he looks like Andy Kaufman,

[14:17] only puffier because there's silverish,

[14:19] uh,

[14:20] robot stuff attached to his face.

[14:22] Okay.

[14:22] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[14:23] Uh,

[14:23] with,

[14:23] uh,

[14:24] eerily human looking eyes.

Dan McCoy

[14:26] Yeah.

[14:26] And,

[14:27] uh,

[14:27] Andy Kaufman,

Stuart Wellington

[14:28] uh,

[14:28] like he's the Phantom of the Paradise.

Dan McCoy

[14:30] So he is known for doing voices here,

[14:33] picks possibly the most irritating voice he possibly could have done.

[14:38] It's kind of like a,

Stuart Wellington

[14:38] like,

[14:38] kind of like a latke without like,

[14:40] uh,

[14:40] without the charm,

[14:41] a specific regional accent.

[14:43] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[14:43] It's latke without the accent.

[14:45] Just the high pitch.

[14:46] And this was the element of the movie where when it first started,

[14:48] I was like,

[14:49] Oh damn it.

[14:50] I hope this goes away.

[14:51] I hope they,

[14:51] they screw something on the back of him.

[14:53] They're like,

[14:53] Oh,

[14:53] let's fix that voice.

[14:54] And it turns his voice.

[14:54] Cause he just,

[14:55] the whole movie is just,

[14:56] I don't know why.

[14:57] Are your sensors indicating?

[15:00] What does that say?

[15:01] My data is incomplete.

[15:03] And it's such a cutesy,

Dan McCoy

[15:05] like horrible voice.

[15:06] Ruinous voice.

Elliott Kalan

[15:07] Now,

[15:07] to describe it visually,

[15:09] just to put it in layman's terms,

[15:11] uh,

Elliott Kalan

[15:11] Andy Kaufman looks a little bit like the Japanese actor,

[15:13] Joe Shishito,

[15:13] uh,

[15:14] who is famous for having,

[15:16] he wanted to look tougher.

[15:17] So he,

[15:18] he got cheek implants and he makes all these gangster movies where he looks like a human chipmunk.

[15:22] Cause his cheeks are so puffed out.

[15:24] That's what Andy Kaufman looks like here.

Dan McCoy

[15:25] Yeah.

[15:26] That's,

[15:26] that's pretty cool.

[15:27] As a layman,

[15:27] I,

[15:28] I appreciate that.

Elliott Kalan

[15:29] I wanted to put it in terms that everyone would understand.

[15:31] The actor,

Stuart Wellington

[15:32] Joe Shishito.

[15:32] So this,

[15:33] so this robot Val needs,

[15:34] uh,

[15:35] needs some repair.

[15:36] Uh,

[15:36] he dropped something on his foot and messed up the servos or some shit.

[15:39] So they drop him off on a shelf and leave him be.

[15:43] He is,

[15:44] uh,

[15:44] they leave him still turned on.

[15:46] Uh,

[15:47] uh,

[15:47] I'd be turned on if I was next to robot Bernadette Peters.

[15:51] Yeah.

[15:51] So yeah.

[15:52] Uh,

[15:53] yeah.

[15:54] So they leave him next to Aqua,

[15:56] a,

[15:56] what a poolside serving robot,

[15:59] uh,

[16:00] played by Bernadette Peters with,

[16:02] luckily with Bernadette Peters,

[16:04] uh,

[16:04] signature curly hair.

[16:06] But in this case,

[16:06] it's made of metal.

Dan McCoy

[16:07] I guess.

[16:08] This is more successful.

[16:09] This basically just looks like Bernadette Peters is a robot.

[16:12] Is a robot.

[16:12] Yeah.

[16:12] They don't put as much,

Elliott Kalan

[16:13] uh,

[16:14] uh,

[16:14] puffy extra padding on her face.

[16:16] Yeah.

[16:17] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[16:18] Uh,

[16:18] less filler.

[16:19] Um,

[16:20] okay.

[16:20] So they meet and they,

[16:22] I guess,

[16:22] talk a little and like,

[16:24] I guess robot flirt.

[16:25] How would you describe this?

Dan McCoy

[16:27] Yeah.

[16:27] Um,

[16:28] I mean,

[16:29] so the whole,

[16:30] you know,

[16:31] this,

[16:31] this to me,

[16:32] this movie in a weird way feels like the last gasp of like a sort of watered down

[16:37] seventies counterculture of like,

[16:39] sure.

Stuart Wellington

[16:40] Yeah.

[16:40] Like,

[16:40] Oh,

Dan McCoy

[16:41] like we're going to understand human behavior through these nutty robots,

[16:45] these childlike robots who are learning both the beauty and the cruelty of the world

[16:50] for the first time.

[16:51] And so it's all sort of this cutesy,

[16:54] like understanding of the way the world works humor where Bernadette Peters is like,

[17:00] Oh,

[17:00] if we were flirting,

[17:01] you would say something like this.

[17:02] And,

[17:02] you know,

[17:03] I might respond like this.

[17:04] And it's,

[17:06] uh,

[17:06] I don't know,

[17:07] as someone who like,

[17:08] uh,

[17:09] grew up,

[17:09] uh,

[17:11] I'm old enough to like get the tail end of some of this spirit.

[17:15] It irritates me greatly.

Stuart Wellington

[17:17] Yeah.

[17:17] It's very reminiscent of like seventies mad magazine or even like old,

[17:21] like 2000 AD style humor with like robots shouting at each other and blowing things up.

Elliott Kalan

[17:27] Yeah.

[17:27] There's except without the,

[17:28] except there's less shouting and blowing things up.

[17:30] There's a little bit of that in this.

[17:31] Uh,

[17:31] his name's crime buster and he's in the movie a lot.

[17:34] I think the real issue with this scene is so ideally this is a movie about two robots learning what it's like to love and have a family.

[17:40] Like that's what the movie is.

[17:41] And you see these two robots,

[17:43] they instantly kind of connect and flirt with each other.

[17:45] They see a rainbow and they're like,

[17:47] isn't it beautiful?

[17:48] I'd like to know more about that.

[17:49] And so in that first scene,

[17:50] you have essentially seen the entire point of the movie and everything after that is incredibly redundant.

[17:55] And I kept thinking,

[17:56] Wally pulls off something,

[17:57] pulls off the kind of the same thing of two robots falling in love and understanding what that is so much better.

[18:02] And I think it's partly because they follow the more common,

[18:05] I guess,

[18:06] romantic comedy thing of like one is in love with the other and the other one doesn't have feelings for the first one yet or something.

[18:11] But these characters are so instantly on board with being attracted to each other and then loving the natural world that it's like,

[18:17] well,

[18:18] I kind of seen the movie.

[18:19] Like there's nothing for them to learn.

[18:20] There's nothing else to do.

[18:21] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[18:21] What's the,

[18:21] what's the arc here?

[18:22] What's the arc?

[18:23] And the arc could be them on the run,

[18:25] but there,

[18:25] it's more like them on the slow strolling amble where every now and then they have to get away from crime buster.

[18:31] It's such a,

[18:31] it's a very repetitive movie.

Stuart Wellington

[18:33] So it doesn't quite feel like a comedy yet,

[18:35] but luckily we are introduced to Catskill,

[18:38] the comedy robot.

[18:39] Hooray.

[18:40] So this is a robot that is seated at all times,

[18:43] which is odd for a standup comedian robot,

[18:45] but that's okay.

[18:46] He's always puffing on a cigar.

[18:47] I think part of the reason that he's,

Elliott Kalan

[18:48] he's sitting at all times is that he is a puppet and not a person in a costume.

[18:52] Oh yeah.

[18:52] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[18:53] So,

[18:53] uh,

[18:54] yeah,

[18:54] that's,

[18:54] that explains it in world.

[18:56] Thank you.

Elliott Kalan

[18:57] Yeah.

[18:57] And this is,

[18:58] and he's voiced by Jack Carter,

[18:59] who was one of the classic old school comics,

[19:02] jokes,

[19:02] uh,

[19:02] in that he told one liners and hated everybody,

[19:05] was mad at the world and hated everybody in real life.

Stuart Wellington

[19:07] Um,

[19:08] and the majority of the jokes here he tells are terrible.

[19:11] Like that's kind of the point because later on we find out that he is on,

[19:14] uh,

[19:15] what low power joke mode or something,

[19:17] which is when that's revealed,

[19:20] I'm like,

[19:20] okay,

[19:21] move.

[19:21] That was maybe the one joke.

[19:23] Yeah.

[19:24] It did make up for all the terrible jokes that he tells.

[19:27] Yeah.

[19:27] So these three robots are sitting on a shelf and they decide they want to go on an adventure.

[19:30] They want to go learn more about these trees in the natural world.

[19:33] Uh,

Stuart Wellington

[19:33] Catskill,

[19:34] I guess just goes along so he can tell jokes.

[19:36] Uh,

[19:36] and because maybe he's looking for a family too.

[19:38] We don't know.

[19:39] Uh,

[19:39] they escape using a robot repair van.

[19:43] Uh,

[19:43] the robot repairmen find them missing.

[19:45] They are tasked with bringing them back.

[19:47] This conversation is overheard by the crime buster deluxe robot that is currently being repaired

[19:54] because it keeps blowing up,

[19:56] uh,

[19:56] children or whatever,

[19:57] like children.

Elliott Kalan

[19:58] Not in the,

[19:59] in the,

[19:59] in this models,

[20:00] in the,

[20:01] in the training mode,

Stuart Wellington

[20:02] it keeps blowing up the children targets that's supposed to not blow up.

[20:04] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[20:05] Uh huh.

[20:05] It would be a more interesting and I think more,

[20:07] more satirical movie if it was blowing up children.

[20:11] And the reaction was not,

[20:12] let's stop making these,

[20:12] but wasn't,

[20:13] I mean,

[20:13] then again,

[20:14] that's essentially RoboCop.

[20:15] Where ED-209 kills somebody and they're like,

[20:17] oh,

[20:17] we got to fix this thing.

[20:18] This is a disaster PR wise,

[20:20] you know.

[20:21] Uh huh.

Stuart Wellington

[20:21] Uh,

[20:22] so they escape in a van.

[20:23] Uh,

[20:24] it's funny because they use sped up footage.

[20:27] Mm.

Dan McCoy

[20:27] Right.

[20:27] And,

[20:28] uh,

[20:28] it's funny because of course,

[20:30] Andy Kaufman being the man insists that he is,

[20:32] uh,

[20:33] excellent at driving right away and that he will not alter his driving style,

[20:38] even though Bernadette Peters cast in the role of wife robots,

[20:42] essentially,

[20:43] it's like slow down.

[20:45] Mm.

[20:45] Yeah.

[20:46] So that's a joke.

[20:46] She is like slow down.

[20:47] Yeah.

[20:47] Slow down.

[20:49] Men and women and their relationships together.

Stuart Wellington

[20:51] Even robots are like that,

[20:53] you know.

[20:53] Yeah.

[20:53] So,

[20:54] uh,

[20:54] Charlie and Max pursue in a helicopter.

[20:57] Uh,

[20:57] the helicopter is,

[20:59] uh,

[20:59] piloted by a long time actress who I remember from being the woman from Martin Short's nightmare

[21:05] in inner space.

Elliott Kalan

[21:07] Yeah.

[21:07] This is Kathleen Freeman.

[21:08] She was in lots and lots of stuff.

Stuart Wellington

[21:10] Yeah.

[21:10] Everyone's going to recognize her.

[21:11] Yeah.

[21:11] In inner space.

[21:12] You know what?

[21:13] Yeah.

[21:13] Richard,

[21:13] uh,

[21:14] Martin Short has this nightmare that this woman like,

[21:16] uh,

[21:17] that he,

[21:17] he's like ringing her through his checkout line and she doesn't,

[21:21] uh,

[21:21] it's too much money.

[21:22] And so she pulls out a gun.

[21:23] Yeah.

[21:24] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[21:24] Do you remember Dan,

[21:25] do you remember the cooking show host in Gremlins 2,

[21:28] Microwave Mark?

[21:28] Of course.

[21:29] That's her,

[21:29] you know.

[21:30] And something I didn't realize until I looked her up while reading about this movie is that

[21:34] she's the,

[21:35] she's the speaking coach in Singing in the Rain who's trying to get,

[21:38] uh,

[21:39] Lena Lamont to,

[21:40] to talk.

[21:40] Oh,

[21:40] wow.

[21:41] Without that,

[21:41] without her accent.

[21:42] So she's,

[21:43] she's great.

[21:43] She's in lots of stuff.

[21:44] Yeah.

[21:45] Again,

[21:45] that's Alan Arkish.

[21:46] That's Alan Arkish being like,

[21:47] who's,

[21:47] who's someone who's great,

[21:48] who's been a lot of stuff that I can bring into this,

[21:50] you know?

Stuart Wellington

[21:50] Okay.

[21:50] So,

[21:51] uh,

[21:51] they're tooling around trying to find these robots on the run.

[21:55] The,

[21:56] another great possible title for this movie.

[21:59] Um,

Elliott Kalan

[22:00] the,

[22:00] to be honest,

[22:00] Heart Beeps is about the best,

[22:02] that and the score are the best things about the movie.

[22:04] Heart Beeps is a good name for this movie.

[22:05] Yeah,

[22:06] it gets right into your fucking brain and it never leaves.

[22:08] It gets in your brain,

[22:09] it accurately describes the movie,

Dan McCoy

[22:10] you know?

[22:11] I would argue it gets in your brain in a way that irritates you.

[22:15] Like,

[22:15] what,

[22:15] what the fuck could this movie be?

Elliott Kalan

[22:17] Heart Beeps?

[22:17] Hey,

[22:18] at least we're talking about it,

[22:19] you know?

[22:19] What the shit?

Dan McCoy

[22:20] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[22:20] You're trying to sell me a movie called Heart Beeps?

[22:22] Uh-huh,

[22:22] yeah.

[22:23] My guess is that this movie was called Robots on the Run.

[22:25] We would not be talking about it on the podcast today.

Stuart Wellington

[22:28] It certainly wouldn't have sprung to my lips unbidden

[22:33] when talking about director Paul Schrader.

[22:35] No.

Elliott Kalan

[22:35] We would be doing this,

[22:36] we would be doing an episode of,

[22:37] about Nuns on the Run right now.

[22:39] Yeah.

[22:39] If it was called Robots on the Run,

[22:40] because that's what Stuart would have attributed to Paul Schrader.

[22:44] Yeah,

[22:44] yeah.

[22:45] In some ways,

[22:45] Nuns on the Run is more like the other work of Paul Schrader,

[22:48] I have to say.

[22:48] It is,

[22:48] yeah.

[22:49] It deals with religion,

[22:50] I guess.

[22:51] And crime.

Stuart Wellington

[22:52] Yeah.

[22:53] The,

[22:53] so the,

[22:54] the van,

[22:55] the van,

[22:56] does the van break down or something?

[22:58] I don't quite remember,

[22:59] but they have to leave the van behind

[23:00] and they use parts from the van

[23:02] as well as parts from each of them

[23:04] to create a tiny little robot named Phil

[23:07] that's kind of their child.

[23:09] Phil does not communicate in traditional sense,

[23:11] more of an R2-D2 sense,

[23:12] and he's dragging like a little wagon behind him.

[23:14] Although,

Dan McCoy

[23:14] Phil's voice is Jerry Garcia.

[23:18] It's credited to Jerry Garcia,

Elliott Kalan

[23:19] but mostly it just sounds like sound effects.

[23:21] So I don't know what.

Dan McCoy

[23:21] It sounds like bleeps and bloops,

[23:23] but something must have been altered Jerry Garcia.

Stuart Wellington

[23:26] Somebody must have been like,

[23:27] we want to get our boy,

[23:28] our buddy Jerry paid.

[23:29] Dan,

[23:29] everything about Jerry Garcia is altered.

[23:31] Let's just say that.

Dan McCoy

[23:32] Maybe he got on his guitar

[23:34] to make those leaps and bloops.

[23:35] Could be.

[23:36] Yeah.

[23:37] Maybe these are jams from The Grateful Dead.

Elliott Kalan

[23:42] Now,

[23:42] he did,

[23:43] he did,

[23:43] he would at concerts be like,

[23:44] well,

[23:44] let me play some of my hits from Heartbeats

[23:46] and just be,

[23:47] beep,

[23:48] beep,

Stuart Wellington

[23:48] beep.

[23:49] And the crowd goes insane.

[23:51] Oh,

[23:51] yeah,

[23:51] they would love it.

[23:52] And those shows.

[23:53] People who own the arena are like,

[23:54] you can't play,

[23:55] you can't play your Heartbeats shit

[23:56] because people destroy the arena.

[23:58] People are ripping out the seats.

Elliott Kalan

[23:59] They destroy the concession stand.

[24:01] They're killing each other.

[24:02] They're just so excited about it.

[24:04] There's blood everywhere.

[24:04] We got to hose it off.

Dan McCoy

[24:06] And fans are like,

[24:07] look,

[24:07] you can't appreciate the bleeps and bloops

[24:09] on the Heartbeats album.

[24:10] No,

[24:10] no.

Dan McCoy

[24:10] That's not how to experience it.

[24:12] You got to see it in person.

[24:12] You got to get it recorded off the boards,

Elliott Kalan

[24:14] man.

[24:15] You got to get the bootlegs recorded off the boards.

[24:17] That's the best part.

[24:18] Because then they can really stretch out.

[24:19] I've been trading with guys

[24:21] and I have this one Heartbeats

[24:23] that goes on for 17 and a half hours.

[24:25] It's the greatest.

Stuart Wellington

[24:27] Didn't realize you had the technology

[24:29] to capture all that audio,

[24:31] but I guess that makes sense.

Elliott Kalan

[24:33] It's a 30 cassette set.

[24:35] But you got to listen it from the beginning

[24:37] or it doesn't work.

Stuart Wellington

[24:38] Is that Heartbeats?

[24:39] Then turn it up,

[24:41] man.

[24:43] Yeah.

[24:44] Yeah.

[24:47] Listen to this.

[24:48] Okay.

[24:49] Kids are going to love it.

[24:50] Now it's getting...

[24:51] Hey,

Elliott Kalan

[24:51] Ben Burt.

[24:53] It's me,

[24:53] your cousin,

[24:54] Roger Burt.

[24:55] You know that beep boop

[24:57] you've been looking for?

[24:57] No, not Roger Burt.

[24:58] Not Roger Burt.

[24:59] Roger Burt.

[25:00] The Tony Award winning performer.

Stuart Wellington

[25:04] So it's getting late.

[25:05] These robots need a place to sleep

[25:08] because it's not safe for them

[25:09] to be wandering around in the woods

[25:10] after dark.

[25:11] And because robots need sleep.

[25:13] Then they need...

[25:14] Well, they need to be...

[25:14] Yeah, they need sleep.

[25:15] Power.

[25:15] They need to conserve energy

[25:17] or whatever.

[25:17] They need energy.

[25:18] So they go where they're going

[25:20] to find some energy.

[25:21] A bear cave.

[25:24] Val tries to go into the bear cave

[25:26] and placate the bear.

[25:27] It's not happening.

[25:28] The bear beats him up

[25:28] and throws him out.

[25:30] And it's about to attack them

[25:31] when the helicopter does a pass.

[25:33] Bear gets scared

[25:34] and runs away very fast.

[25:37] Sped up again.

[25:38] It's hilarious.

Elliott Kalan

[25:38] And you got to give them credit.

[25:40] I thought it was just going to be

[25:40] sound effects on a still shot of a cave.

[25:43] But no, they have a bear.

Stuart Wellington

[25:45] They get a real bear.

[25:46] Yeah.

[25:46] They get an actual bear.

[25:48] And speaking of bears,

[25:49] I think right now would be a great time

[25:51] for us to talk about something

[25:53] that is important to us.

[25:55] Bears.

[25:55] Bears are important to the world.

[25:56] Bears are important to the world.

[25:58] You know, important to our...

[25:59] So let's go to the Flophouse's own bear,

[26:02] Dan McCoy.

[26:02] Thanks.

[26:03] Thank you.

Dan McCoy

[26:04] That was the segue I was working on, yeah.

[26:06] Hey, as I mentioned,

[26:08] it's MaxFunDrive.

[26:09] Now, perhaps there's a slight chance

[26:12] you're still unaware.

[26:13] What is MaxFunDrive?

[26:14] Well, it's the one time of year

[26:16] that we ask you to support the show

[26:18] as a member

[26:19] or by boosting or upgrading your membership,

[26:22] becoming a first-time member.

[26:24] All options,

[26:24] all shows on the network

[26:25] are overwhelmingly supported

[26:27] by listeners like you.

[26:28] And, you know,

[26:29] sure, we run between zero

[26:31] and two ads on every show

[26:33] to help fill in the gaps,

[26:35] but it should surprise no one

[26:37] to learn podcast ads

[26:39] are not a pot of gold.

[26:41] And now, less than ever,

[26:43] it's really dedicated listeners

[26:44] like you

[26:45] that make our model work.

[26:48] When you pledge,

[26:49] you get to choose

[26:50] which shows you listen to specifically,

[26:53] which means the money goes

[26:54] directly to the creators

[26:55] you want to support

[26:56] with a smaller percentage

[26:58] going to the network,

[26:59] which is now entirely worker-owned.

[27:01] So that's great.

[27:02] So all the money

[27:02] is going directly to the people

[27:03] who make and support

[27:05] the shows you care about

[27:06] and not to some CEO's

[27:09] yacht debarnacling fund.

[27:12] And let me get a little high-minded

[27:14] about why member support

[27:15] is really key

[27:16] because I want to say

[27:18] this kind of funny

[27:19] is what lets us keep making

[27:21] the niche, silly show

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[27:25] And to me,

[27:25] that only becomes

[27:26] more and more important

[27:27] year after year

[27:28] because when we first

[27:29] joined the network,

[27:30] I was like,

[27:30] okay, great.

[27:32] Crowdfunding is a nice,

[27:33] non-evil way

[27:34] to keep our show going.

[27:36] But with every passing year,

[27:38] as the entertainment world contracts,

[27:40] as media is consolidated

[27:41] under giant corporations

[27:43] that relentlessly

[27:44] are focused on paying creators

[27:46] the least they can

[27:47] while taking the profits

[27:48] of their labors

[27:48] and caving to all sorts of money

[27:51] and political pressures,

[27:53] in this terrible new world,

[27:56] this model genuinely feels

[27:58] essential to me.

[28:00] You pay directly for a thing

[28:01] because you want it

[28:02] and as long as you want it,

[28:03] we keep making it

[28:04] and we don't have to worry

[28:06] about the other bullshit.

[28:08] So will you please join us

[28:09] as a member?

[28:10] You can join, upgrade,

[28:11] or boost your membership

[28:12] at maximumfund.org

[28:13] slash join.

[28:15] It's pretty self-explanatory,

[28:17] but upgrading means,

[28:18] if you're already a member,

[28:19] you can pledge to the next tier

[28:20] and get some fun thank you gifts

[28:21] that I'll mention later.

[28:23] Boosting is a way of increasing

[28:24] your pledge by a few dollars.

[28:25] If you don't feel

[28:26] you can go to a higher tier,

[28:27] this is helpful

[28:28] if you've added new shows

[28:30] that you listen to

[28:31] to the old ones you support

[28:32] because it means that

[28:33] adding new shows

[28:34] doesn't mean that

[28:35] your old favorites

[28:36] get any less.

[28:37] And also,

[28:38] if you know MaxFun fans

[28:39] who aren't in a financial position

[28:41] to be members this year,

[28:42] there's even an option

[28:43] to gift memberships to others.

[28:46] And they recently,

[28:49] I think within the last couple years,

[28:50] added the option

[28:51] to prepay for a year.

[28:52] If you don't like the idea

[28:53] of monthly payments,

[28:56] you can just hit the prepay toggle

[28:57] at the top of the page,

[28:59] which is a great option

[29:00] because it locks in

[29:01] funding levels for the year

[29:01] and it means fewer processing fees

[29:03] for the network.

[29:05] All memberships at $5 a month

[29:07] or more get access

[29:09] to the entire library

[29:10] of bonus content

[29:11] for MaxFun shows,

[29:12] hundreds of hours

[29:13] of weird off-format

[29:14] special episodes

[29:15] from shows across the network.

[29:17] And this year,

[29:18] we, the Flophouse,

[29:20] have multiple bonus episodes

[29:21] of Slop Tales,

[29:22] which is Stuart

[29:23] running me, Elliot,

[29:25] and Jubin Parang

[29:26] through a role-playing game

[29:27] where we're the staff

[29:28] of a restaurant

[29:29] in a busy vacation town

[29:30] and it was a lot of fun.

[29:32] I just actually listened

[29:34] to the first episode myself

[29:36] and really enjoyed revisiting it.

[29:39] And I'll be back

[29:40] with more later,

[29:41] but for now,

[29:41] please, if you can,

[29:42] go to MaximumFun.org

[29:44] slash join

[29:45] to support the show.

Elliott Kalan

[29:48] Well said, Dan.

[29:48] Well said.

[29:49] I wanted to interrupt you

[29:50] and I couldn't

[29:51] because I was so riveted

[29:52] by your passion and play.

[29:53] Oh, thank you.

[29:53] Speaking of rivets.

[29:54] Oh.

Stuart Wellington

[29:56] Let's get back

[29:57] to this bot movie.

[29:58] Oh, yeah.

[29:58] Bots.

[29:59] They're just like us.

[30:01] You know,

[30:01] it's late

[30:03] and they're running low

[30:04] on energy,

[30:05] so they're going to need

[30:05] to get some more.

[30:06] So their next stop

[30:07] is they pick up

[30:09] some foliage

[30:10] to disguise themselves

[30:12] and they sneak

[30:13] into a small,

[30:15] what,

[30:15] mountain town?

[30:16] I'm guessing somewhere

[30:16] in like,

[30:17] what,

[30:17] Colorado

[30:18] or like somewhere

[30:19] in California,

Elliott Kalan

[30:20] right?

[30:20] I'm going to guess Colorado

[30:21] because later

[30:22] the house that they,

[30:23] the party,

[30:24] the house with the party

[30:25] that they get involved with

[30:26] looks like,

[30:27] it looks like more

[30:27] Colorado house stuff,

[30:28] although I'm sure

[30:29] they shot this in California,

[30:30] you know.

Stuart Wellington

[30:31] So they try

[30:32] and sneak into the town.

[30:34] They are stopped

[30:35] by the crime buster

[30:36] who is patrolling

[30:37] the streets

[30:37] and as I said before,

[30:39] running a constant

[30:40] narrative out loud

[30:41] explaining everything

[30:42] he's doing.

[30:43] That's how you know

[30:44] he's,

[30:44] it adds something.

[30:45] Can you describe

[30:46] the crime buster robot,

[30:47] Elliot?

[30:48] So the crime buster robot,

[30:49] physically it looks

Elliott Kalan

[30:50] like a Dalek,

[30:51] like it's kind of

[30:51] like a squat

[30:52] kind of round top thing

[30:53] with a,

[30:54] it can project

[30:55] kind of like a gun

[30:55] from its belly,

[30:57] but it's like got

[30:57] a hover skirt wheels

[30:59] type movement thing

[31:01] and it's always talking

[31:02] as if it is

[31:03] supposed to be

[31:03] like a hard-boiled cop

[31:04] in a movie

[31:05] where it's like,

Dan McCoy

[31:06] I roam the streets.

[31:07] I have to keep

[31:08] America safe.

Elliott Kalan

[31:10] Villains and criminals

[31:11] have,

[31:11] are no match for me.

[31:12] They think they can

[31:13] defeat the crime buster,

[31:14] but the crime buster

[31:15] has got,

[31:16] was that a crook?

[31:16] Was it?

[31:17] And he blows it up

[31:18] and it's a stump

[31:18] with a rabbit behind it.

[31:19] I feel like,

[31:20] you know.

[31:20] I feel like it also

Stuart Wellington

[31:21] like throws in a few

[31:22] like Reaganisms,

[31:23] but maybe that's,

[31:25] maybe I'm projecting.

[31:25] This is the most,

Elliott Kalan

[31:26] this is the most overtly

[31:27] satirical part of the movie

[31:28] I feel like is the crime buster.

[31:29] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[31:30] And this design is a,

[31:31] it's a,

[31:32] yes,

[31:32] it looks like a Dalek,

[31:34] some robot that was on

[31:36] like a TV show

[31:37] or something that they had

[31:38] lying around.

[31:38] Yeah,

[31:39] Doctor Who.

[31:40] No,

[31:40] a different one.

[31:41] Oh.

[31:42] But it's a similar vibe.

[31:43] Like,

Elliott Kalan

[31:44] it's like a miniature tank

[31:46] kind of.

[31:47] Yeah,

[31:47] a mini tank.

[31:48] Yeah.

[31:49] And he's all colored black

[31:50] and he's got a siren

[31:51] light on top.

Stuart Wellington

[31:52] They're able to use their wits

[31:54] to distract crime buster

Elliott Kalan

[31:56] and they sneak away.

[31:57] This was one of the,

[31:58] one of the two jokes

[31:59] that I laughed at in the movie.

[32:00] The one was the low energy jokes one

[32:02] and the other was when

[32:03] they're all pretending to be trees

[32:04] because they've got fake trees.

[32:05] They've got trees

[32:06] they're holding in front of them

[32:07] like,

[32:07] like Burnham Wood

[32:08] going to Dunsinane.

[32:09] Yes,

[32:10] thank you.

[32:11] Yeah,

[32:11] that's how literate this movie is.

[32:13] And the,

[32:14] and Andy Kaufman

[32:15] in his annoying voice in this,

[32:16] he's like,

[32:16] I'm a tree bot.

[32:17] I,

[32:18] you know,

[32:18] and they,

[32:18] and the crime buster points

[32:20] to fill the little robot

[32:22] and goes,

[32:23] he's too,

[32:23] he doesn't look like a tree

[32:24] and he goes,

[32:25] that's because he's a shrub.

[32:27] And I just thought

[32:27] the idea of having to say like,

[32:29] oh no,

[32:29] he's a smaller piece of vegetation

[32:32] was a funny moment to me.

[32:33] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[32:34] Crime buster buys it.

[32:35] He buys it.

[32:36] So the,

[32:36] and he,

[32:37] I'm just assuming

[32:38] I'm going to gender

[32:39] the police robot.

[32:40] I mean,

[32:40] he's got a male voice,

[32:41] you know.

[32:42] So they,

[32:42] they,

[32:43] they need that energy

[32:44] and so the best place to go,

[32:46] they go to a 70s party.

[32:49] Fundu,

[32:50] bowls full of keys,

[32:52] Paul Bartel,

[32:53] everything you need

[32:54] from a 70s party.

[32:55] And Mary Warren of.

[32:56] So this is,

[32:56] this is,

[32:57] you know,

Elliott Kalan

[32:57] there's a fucking conversation

[32:58] pit in that bitch.

[33:00] This is one of the classic film

[33:01] onscreen couples,

[33:02] Paul Bartel and Mary Warren of.

[33:04] You may,

[33:04] they played the Blands

[33:05] in Eating Raul

[33:06] and they were together

[33:08] in a bunch of,

[33:08] they had a cameo together

[33:09] in Chopping Mall.

[33:10] They had a cameo together

[33:11] in Night of the Comet,

[33:12] I think it was.

[33:13] So this is,

[33:14] I like to believe

[33:14] this is just all part

[33:15] of the same universe

[33:16] as those movies,

[33:17] you know.

Dan McCoy

[33:17] And them doing this next,

[33:19] like,

[33:19] look,

[33:19] I,

[33:20] I don't like to assign

[33:21] too much blame anywhere.

[33:23] You know,

[33:24] I'm not,

[33:24] I'm not pointing

[33:25] at any one person involved

[33:27] in heartbeeps

[33:28] because I don't know

[33:29] who made which decision.

[33:30] Like,

[33:30] I know,

[33:31] I,

[33:31] I've seen Alan Arkesh's

[33:33] own letterboxed review

[33:35] of this

[33:35] where he's like,

[33:36] I screwed this one up.

[33:38] I got the wrong tone.

[33:39] Like,

[33:39] that was his,

[33:39] like,

[33:39] feeling.

[33:40] And I see what he's saying

[33:41] because it's,

[33:42] it is so,

[33:42] like,

[33:43] wistful that it becomes

[33:44] cloying in a way

[33:46] that seems weird

[33:48] for the material.

[33:48] But I don't think

[33:49] that he's at fault

[33:51] per se.

[33:52] I think a lot of the

[33:53] collaborators are doing

[33:54] great work.

[33:54] I think that the,

[33:55] the,

[33:56] the actors are great.

[33:58] What mystifies me

[33:59] is this screenplay

[34:01] and story.

[34:01] like,

[34:02] what do they think

[34:03] they were doing?

[34:04] Like,

[34:05] it,

[34:05] it has no thrust.

[34:07] It's just like,

[34:07] it has room for like,

[34:08] hey,

[34:09] now we're going to go

[34:09] to a party.

[34:10] But also like,

[34:12] what,

[34:13] Elliot,

[34:13] tell me why.

[34:14] Explain heartbeeps to me.

Elliott Kalan

[34:16] my guess is that,

[34:17] this is my guess,

[34:18] not knowing much about it.

[34:19] I know that it was,

[34:19] it was written by the same guy

[34:20] who wrote Quigley Down Under.

[34:22] But I don't see too much

[34:23] in common between the two,

[34:25] the two things.

[34:26] And went on to be like,

Dan McCoy

[34:27] he did like Quantum Leap stuff

[34:28] in LA Law.

[34:29] Yeah,

[34:29] yeah,

[34:30] yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[34:31] But Quigley Down Under,

[34:32] don't skip over that.

[34:33] Yeah,

[34:33] Quigley.

[34:33] I just think about his other films.

[34:35] My,

[34:35] my guess is that,

[34:36] this was probably originally written

[34:38] as a more satirical,

[34:41] episodic,

[34:41] kind of probably,

[34:42] I'm guessing,

[34:43] harder edged type movie.

[34:45] And that once you brought in,

[34:46] and that at a certain point

[34:47] it was decided,

[34:48] no,

[34:49] we need to go for a family audience,

[34:50] is my guess.

[34:51] We want to soften it.

[34:52] We want to make it more,

[34:53] aw,

[34:54] we're going to bring in

[34:55] Andy Kaufman,

[34:56] but we're not going to have him

[34:57] do kind of like edgy comedy

[34:58] type stuff.

[34:59] We want him to,

[35:00] maybe Andy Kaufman,

[35:01] at that point was like,

[35:01] it's time for me to cross over

[35:02] and be more of a,

[35:04] more of a big name star.

[35:05] They get Bernadette Peters,

[35:06] who was,

[35:07] you know,

[35:08] just wonderful.

Stuart Wellington

[35:09] And a wistful score

[35:10] from John Williams.

Elliott Kalan

[35:10] A wistful score.

[35:11] And so my guess is that

[35:12] they decided the tone

[35:13] was going to be like,

[35:15] this is not,

[35:16] this is not a,

[35:18] yeah,

[35:19] that this is not the kind of movie

[35:20] Alan Arkish would have made

[35:21] for Roger Corman,

[35:22] which would have been like,

[35:23] kind of like crazy

[35:24] and a little bit tasteless

[35:25] probably at times.

[35:26] This is going to be

[35:27] a more Spielberg-y type

[35:29] learning about life

[35:31] and love

[35:31] and laughter

[35:32] through these robots

[35:33] who aren't human,

[35:34] but maybe they kind of aren't.

[35:35] It's like AI,

[35:36] right?

[35:37] Yeah.

[35:38] And so,

[35:38] and so I guess,

[35:39] my guess is that that's it,

[35:40] is that they were like,

[35:41] let's not make this

[35:42] a low budget kind of,

[35:44] kind of like a,

[35:45] kind of like snarky movie.

[35:47] Let's make this a movie

[35:48] that could go for a quadrant.

[35:50] Like,

[35:50] let's make this a movie

[35:51] that a whole family could go see.

[35:52] And instead they made a movie

[35:53] that nobody in their right mind

[35:54] would really ever want to watch.

[35:56] I mean,

[35:56] this cast and premise

Dan McCoy

[35:58] feels like it should be

[35:59] like a Jack Davis poster,

[36:01] but it's not.

Elliott Kalan

[36:01] It should be really wacky.

[36:03] And I mean,

[36:04] the pace of it is all,

[36:05] the pace is so slow.

[36:06] And so much of it

[36:07] is just these characters

[36:08] wandering through the woods.

[36:10] And I will say that like,

[36:11] there are individual frames

[36:12] that look gorgeous

[36:13] and that imply

[36:15] a more interesting movie,

[36:17] you know,

[36:17] of these characters

[36:18] just in the woods.

[36:19] But,

[36:19] you know,

[36:20] Bernadette Peters,

[36:20] she knows about going

[36:22] into the woods,

[36:22] you know.

[36:23] Oh,

[36:24] yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[36:25] So,

[36:25] speaking of gorgeous frames,

[36:26] the crime buster

[36:28] sees this party going on,

[36:29] so he forwards the river

[36:31] or lake or whatever the pond.

[36:31] I thought you were going to

Elliott Kalan

[36:32] talk about one of my favorites,

[36:33] marijuana,

[36:34] but anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[36:35] He then blows up

[36:37] this party

[36:38] smashing through the walls

[36:39] on the hunt

[36:41] for these robots,

[36:42] which of course

[36:42] he is unsuccessful

[36:43] in finding,

[36:44] but destroying the party

[36:46] completely.

[36:46] And they're like,

[36:47] oh,

[36:47] this was a great party.

Elliott Kalan

[36:50] It's like,

[36:51] that scene is like,

[36:52] that scene

[36:52] and the things

[36:53] that Bernadette Peters

[36:53] is talking about

[36:54] as about her job as robot,

[36:56] it feels like that is,

[36:58] those are the remnants

[36:58] of a much more,

[37:00] a much more biting movie.

[37:01] Yeah.

[37:01] You know,

[37:02] we're going to see

[37:02] these rich assholes,

[37:03] they're going to be

[37:04] throwing a party,

[37:05] they're going to be jerks,

[37:05] it's going to get wrecked,

[37:06] but instead,

[37:07] the party is kind of nothing

[37:08] and even the damage

[37:10] is nothing,

[37:10] you know.

[37:11] And at the end,

[37:11] Paul Bartel's like,

[37:12] I thought it was great.

[37:13] Like,

[37:13] that's the only joke of it,

[37:14] you know.

Dan McCoy

[37:15] I noticed that this was a nice,

[37:17] there were,

[37:19] this was a good looking movie

[37:20] as well,

[37:20] like the cinematography was,

[37:21] and I just looked up

[37:22] the cinematographer

[37:23] who did a couple

[37:25] of Altman movies,

[37:25] A Wedding and Three Women,

[37:27] he did Semi-Tough,

[37:28] he did The Onion Field,

[37:30] so,

Elliott Kalan

[37:32] yeah.

[37:32] Good people working on this movie,

[37:34] great people come together

[37:35] and make a piece of junk,

Stuart Wellington

[37:36] you know.

[37:36] Yeah.

[37:37] Speaking of junk,

[37:38] our robots on their quest

[37:40] for energy and such,

[37:41] they find,

[37:42] they find a junkyard,

[37:44] that's a perfect place,

[37:45] to find stuff,

[37:46] so they're wandering around

[37:46] this junkyard,

[37:48] they come across a couple

[37:50] that I guess own

[37:51] or run the junkyard,

[37:52] that's where we get

[37:53] some more stars,

[37:54] we got Christopher Guest

[37:55] from tons of stuff,

[37:57] and his partner.

[37:58] Mr. Jamie Lee Curtis himself,

[37:59] Christopher Guest.

[38:00] his,

[38:00] and his,

[38:01] his partner is played by

[38:03] Melanie,

[38:04] what,

[38:05] Mayron?

[38:05] Melanie Mayron,

[38:06] yeah,

[38:06] from 30-something.

[38:07] Yeah,

[38:07] 30-something,

[38:08] she's also directed a ton of TV

[38:10] and some movies,

[38:11] and also,

[38:12] you might know her as being

[38:13] the hot cop

[38:15] from My Blue Heaven,

[38:17] which is what I remember.

Elliott Kalan

[38:19] I forgot,

[38:19] and she,

[38:20] I had forgotten

[38:21] that she starred in

[38:22] the movie Girlfriends,

[38:23] which I recommended

[38:24] a while back.

[38:25] Oh, cool.

[38:26] Yeah,

[38:26] which,

[38:27] a movie I really liked a lot.

[38:28] Again,

Stuart Wellington

[38:28] more,

[38:29] more talented people.

[38:30] Yeah.

[38:31] I just learned,

[38:31] I just learned while looking this up,

[38:33] I didn't ever realize that

[38:34] My Blue Heaven was written

[38:36] by Nora Ephron.

[38:37] Oh, really?

[38:37] And that her husband

[38:39] wrote Wiseguy,

[38:42] and both movie,

[38:43] both My Blue Heaven

[38:45] and Wiseguy

[38:45] are based on their interviews

[38:47] with Henry Hill.

[38:48] Yeah.

[38:49] Oh,

[38:50] I didn't realize that.

[38:51] Very funny.

[38:51] I never realized that.

[38:52] I'm like,

[38:52] that's why they're both

[38:53] Charlene's favorite movies.

[38:56] I mean,

[38:57] along with my cousin Vinny,

Dan McCoy

[38:58] right?

[38:58] Yeah,

[38:59] yeah,

[38:59] yeah.

[38:59] The tragic version

[39:00] and the comic version.

[39:01] It's really funny.

Elliott Kalan

[39:02] I mean,

[39:02] now I want to see a double feature

[39:03] of those two movies together.

[39:04] I mean,

Elliott Kalan

[39:04] it's pretty funny,

[39:05] too.

[39:05] Yeah,

[39:06] I mean,

[39:06] it's also hilarious,

[39:07] yeah.

[39:09] Have I ever told my family's

[39:12] Christopher Guest story

[39:12] on this podcast or no?

Stuart Wellington

[39:14] Only if you told it to us.

Elliott Kalan

[39:15] I don't remember.

[39:16] Have I ever told or no?

[39:17] Because considering how many times

[39:19] I've talked about actors

[39:19] I've seen on stage,

[39:21] that my family,

[39:22] apparently at some point,

[39:23] my dad's family was friendly

[39:25] with Christopher Guest's family

[39:26] when he was a kid

[39:27] and my dad was a kid.

[39:29] And whenever we would see,

[39:31] we would watch Princess Bride

[39:33] and Christopher Guest was on screen,

[39:34] my grandmother would go,

[39:35] I changed his diapers.

[39:37] And I would be like,

[39:38] I would be so confused

[39:39] because when I was young,

[39:40] I didn't really understand

[39:41] what she was saying.

[39:42] So I would imagine

[39:43] a grown Christopher Guest

[39:45] having his diapers changed

[39:46] by my grandmother.

[39:48] But apparently,

[39:49] I have no idea

[39:50] like how they knew each other

[39:51] or what happened,

[39:52] why the families

[39:53] are not still friendly.

[39:54] But knowing my family,

[39:55] there must have been some

[39:56] falling out of some violent kind.

[39:58] But that's a story

[40:00] I think I've ever told

[40:01] about my grandmother

[40:02] changing Christopher Guest's diapers,

[40:03] I assume when he was a baby.

Stuart Wellington

[40:05] Well,

[40:06] you're about to have to

[40:07] change your diapers

[40:07] because Crime Buster

[40:09] shows back up

[40:10] and he starts blasting.

[40:12] He starts blasting everything,

[40:13] setting things on fire,

[40:14] shooting things with his machine gun.

[40:16] Things are looking grim.

[40:17] But our two junkyard operators

[40:19] jump on

[40:20] and deactivate that bot.

[40:23] It's pretty exciting, right?

[40:24] This is a pretty cool,

[40:25] this is one of those

[40:26] action sequences

[40:27] where you never see

[40:29] the attacker

[40:30] and the victims

[40:31] in the same shot.

[40:32] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[40:34] No, I,

[40:35] yeah,

[40:36] not particularly exciting.

[40:37] I am taken by

[40:39] Guest,

[40:39] and I forget her name,

[40:41] sorry,

[40:41] as this like sort of

[40:42] hipster junkyard couple.

[40:43] Yeah.

[40:44] I'm like,

[40:45] I don't know what their story is,

[40:46] but they just like

[40:47] seem to hang out

[40:47] and be cool

[40:48] and probably have a bunch of sex.

[40:49] I mean,

[40:49] you don't see it.

[40:50] And their outfits are cool.

[40:51] And they're happy to go,

Elliott Kalan

[40:52] but they also,

[40:52] they speak in a very flat,

[40:53] emotionless way.

[40:55] And I wondered

[40:55] if they were trying

[40:55] to make some point

[40:56] about these characters

[40:58] are kind of,

[40:59] in some ways,

[40:59] as robotic

[41:00] as the other,

[41:01] as the robot characters.

[41:03] But there is one shot.

Stuart Wellington

[41:04] Or show that they might be,

[41:07] since they speak

[41:07] in a kind of robotic way,

[41:09] maybe they might be able

[41:09] to connect with these robots.

Elliott Kalan

[41:11] Yes, exactly.

[41:11] They're certainly rational

[41:13] and logical,

[41:13] the way that the robots are.

[41:15] But these characters

[41:16] kind of like,

[41:17] yeah,

[41:17] they kind of come out of nowhere,

[41:18] solve the problem,

[41:20] and then that's it.

Stuart Wellington

[41:21] Disappear until they're needed

[41:22] to solve another problem.

[41:24] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[41:24] There's one really cool shot

[41:25] where they're on top

[41:26] of Crime Buster

[41:27] and they're spinning around

[41:28] and the camera is on

[41:30] Crime Buster

[41:30] also.

[41:30] So you see like

[41:31] the background moving

[41:32] around them

[41:33] and that shot

[41:34] is very quick

[41:35] and I don't know

[41:36] if they go back to it.

[41:37] And I was like,

[41:37] movie?

[41:38] That was a cool shot.

[41:39] Show it to me again.

Stuart Wellington

[41:41] So with Crime Buster

[41:44] defeated,

[41:45] our robots began

[41:46] the long march back,

[41:48] I guess.

[41:49] I have trouble

[41:50] understanding all

[41:51] of their motivations

[41:52] in the film.

[41:52] But they're traveling

[41:53] through the woods again.

Elliott Kalan

[41:55] So they had to leave

[41:56] the factory

[41:56] and go to the junkyard.

[41:57] They didn't find

[41:58] what they wanted

[41:58] in the junkyard.

[41:59] Now they have to go

[41:59] back to the factory.

[42:01] So Fury Road

[42:02] basically stole

[42:02] the plot structure

[42:03] from Heartbeats.

[42:05] Fury Road, yeah.

[42:06] You leave a place,

[42:07] you go to a place,

[42:08] you find we didn't

[42:09] have what you need there,

[42:10] you go back to the first place,

[42:11] that's Fury Road.

Stuart Wellington

[42:12] I feel like we,

[42:13] I bet there's probably

[42:14] a bunch of other similarities

[42:16] between Fury Road

[42:17] and Heartbeats.

Elliott Kalan

[42:18] I imagine George Miller

[42:20] and Brennan McCarthy

[42:20] were just watching

[42:21] Heartbeats over and over again

[42:22] while they were planning

[42:23] Fury Road over that 20 years,

[42:24] you know?

Dan McCoy

[42:25] They need to go back

[42:26] to the factory

[42:26] because they're running

[42:27] out of power.

[42:27] What confuses me then

[42:29] is at the end of the movie,

[42:30] spoiler,

[42:31] they're happily living

[42:32] in the junkyard

[42:33] and I'm like,

[42:34] okay,

[42:34] well,

[42:34] what about the power

[42:35] in the future?

[42:36] Like,

[42:36] what's the story here?

[42:37] He found it.

Stuart Wellington

[42:37] He found the soul

[42:38] goof of the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[42:40] Go to Red Letter Media

[42:41] and listen to Dan

[42:42] on this one,

[42:43] you know?

[42:44] I think that once

[42:46] they've gotten their power,

[42:47] maybe the junkyard

[42:48] got the power stuff

[42:48] they needed

[42:49] for the future.

Stuart Wellington

[42:50] So this is where

[42:51] the heart of the movie

[42:53] really comes in

[42:53] because

[42:54] our robots

[42:57] are starting to lose power.

[42:58] They realize that Phil,

[42:59] they thought Phil's battery

[43:01] would have more

[43:01] because he doesn't need

[43:03] as much energy

[43:03] because he's just

[43:04] a little guy.

[43:05] Turns out

[43:05] he needs just as much

[43:07] as everyone

[43:07] and his power

[43:08] is very low.

[43:08] He's going to die

[43:09] and they don't know

[43:09] what to do.

[43:10] And then before

[43:11] Val and Aqua

[43:13] can decide,

[43:14] Catskill

[43:14] swaps batteries

[43:15] with him.

[43:16] He's been conserving

[43:17] power this whole time

[43:18] again by telling

[43:19] low energy jokes.

[43:22] So Catskill,

[43:23] they just like

[43:23] leave him in the woods

[43:25] and they continue

[43:26] traveling

[43:26] and then

[43:28] Aqua's power

[43:29] runs out.

[43:30] I feel like this is

[43:30] when the movie goes

[43:31] from cloying to maudlin

Elliott Kalan

[43:32] in these sequences

[43:34] where the characters

[43:34] are dying in front of us

[43:35] and they're lying

[43:36] to each other

[43:36] about how low

[43:37] their battery is

[43:38] because they don't

[43:39] want each other

[43:39] to worry about them.

[43:41] I love that they're like,

[43:42] we didn't think Phil

[43:43] needed as much power.

[43:44] And it's like,

[43:44] well,

[43:44] Phil is literally

[43:45] pulling all of your junk.

[43:46] He's literally

Stuart Wellington

[43:47] carrying everything,

[43:49] but okay,

[43:49] sure.

[43:50] Yeah,

[43:51] I mean,

[43:51] yeah,

[43:51] that's the data.

[43:52] These are the experiences

[43:54] they're learning, Elliot.

[43:55] This is why this trip

[43:55] is so important.

[43:56] That's why we have to

[43:58] make a movie of it.

[43:58] Do we know anything

[43:59] about that?

Elliott Kalan

[44:00] You're right.

[44:01] So the thing is,

[44:03] what I didn't like

[44:03] about this movie here too

[44:04] is that we've had this

[44:06] before with Lophouse movies

[44:06] where it is playing

[44:07] on a real emotion,

[44:09] but it's doing it badly.

[44:10] But I can't help

[44:11] to have that emotion

[44:12] triggered in me still.

[44:13] There's a lot of it

[44:14] which is just them

[44:14] walking,

[44:15] talking about their anxieties

[44:16] for Phil in the future

[44:18] and wanting to prepare him

[44:20] for the world

[44:20] and wanting to make sure

[44:22] that he's healthy.

[44:23] And it's like,

[44:23] yeah,

[44:23] that's the conversation

[44:24] I have every single day

[44:25] with my wife

[44:26] about my children.

[44:27] And I don't like

[44:28] that the movie

[44:28] is like trying

[44:30] to get me to cry

[44:30] by having two robots

[44:32] do it in a very boring way.

[44:33] And I can't help

[44:34] that it does make me,

[44:35] it does make me think

[44:36] about those things

[44:37] in a way that makes me

[44:38] feel those emotions.

[44:39] But I want to be like,

[44:39] movie,

[44:40] you didn't earn this.

[44:41] Like this is,

[44:41] you're not getting this

[44:42] on your own.

[44:43] This is like a commercial

[44:44] for Cotton

[44:44] where it shows a guy

[44:45] like watching his daughter

[44:46] grow up and then get married

[44:47] where you're like crying

[44:49] and it's like,

[44:49] I mean,

[44:49] I don't care about Cotton.

[44:51] Mustard and mayonnaise.

[44:53] It's where I'm just

[44:53] making a sandwich

[44:54] and my daughter's like,

[44:55] daddy,

[44:56] I'm dying now.

[44:57] Sorry,

[44:58] just mayonnaise and mustard.

[45:00] Goodbye, daddy.

[45:01] I'm dying.

[45:02] That's the best line

[45:03] of the whole thing.

[45:04] She goes,

[45:04] bye, daddy,

[45:04] I'm dying.

[45:05] And he just shrugs.

[45:07] Oh,

[45:07] what a great sketch.

[45:08] If anyone doesn't know

[45:08] what we're talking about,

[45:09] the Mr. Show sketch

[45:10] about mayo stirred

[45:11] and mustard A&As

[45:12] and how the time-saving condiments

[45:14] that are not taking up

[45:15] too much time.

[45:17] It's so funny.

[45:18] And the guy can't go

[45:19] to his daughter's graduation

[45:20] because he's making a sandwich.

Stuart Wellington

[45:24] Oh, man,

[45:25] that's good stuff.

[45:25] So,

[45:26] we have this final moment.

[45:28] Both Val and Aqua

[45:29] run out of juice.

[45:31] Val is reaching toward Aqua

[45:32] and then they both

[45:34] are frozen

[45:34] in a beautiful field.

[45:36] Go on.

[45:37] Although he's reaching

Dan McCoy

[45:37] towards her

[45:38] while literally being like,

[45:40] nope,

[45:40] I wish to talk to you

[45:42] about one last

[45:43] human thing.

[45:45] What is your understanding

[45:46] of the emotion?

[45:48] He's talking about love,

[45:51] people.

Elliott Kalan

[45:52] He's trying to say love,

[45:53] but it's so sad,

[45:53] Dan,

[45:54] right as he's about to say it

[45:55] because he keeps

[45:56] fumfering so much beforehand.

[45:58] It's just like in movies

[45:58] when someone is being

[45:59] wrongfully arrested

[46:00] for a crime

[46:01] and they're like,

[46:01] but you've got to understand.

[46:02] No, no,

[46:02] but just let me tell you.

[46:03] Just give me a minute.

[46:04] It's like,

[46:04] well,

[46:05] use this time to say

[46:05] the thing that you need to say.

[46:07] Don't preamble it so much.

Stuart Wellington

[46:09] Traumatic tension,

[46:10] Ellen.

[46:11] You should have learned

[46:11] that shit in screenwriting school.

[46:13] Yeah, right.

Elliott Kalan

[46:13] When I went to Screenwriter U.

[46:15] I mean,

[46:15] I did go to NYU

[46:16] for screenwriting

[46:16] and they should have taught me that.

Stuart Wellington

[46:17] Yeah, yeah.

[46:17] So our robot repairmen

[46:20] show up.

[46:20] They load them up.

[46:22] They see Phil,

[46:23] the little robot,

[46:24] hanging out

[46:24] and they're like,

[46:25] fuck it,

[46:25] leave them out here.

Elliott Kalan

[46:26] That part I like to,

[46:28] Kevin goes like,

[46:28] they said three robots?

[46:30] We're bringing back three robots.

[46:31] We're not touching

[46:31] the fourth robot.

Stuart Wellington

[46:33] So they take him back

[46:36] and then immediately

[46:37] we get a little bit of a,

[46:39] what?

[46:39] We just get like a voiceover

[46:41] where they talk about

[46:41] how the robots,

[46:43] they rebooted them

[46:45] a bunch of times.

[46:46] They kept,

[46:47] they kept messing up.

[46:49] They kept malfunctioning.

[46:50] And so they just threw them away.

[46:52] And so we then see a little,

[46:54] we get a little happy ending

[46:55] in the junkyard.

[46:57] Val and Aqua are

[46:59] dressed differently

[47:01] by these nerds,

[47:03] these lovable junkyard nerds.

[47:05] And they have this weird

[47:06] little robot family,

[47:08] including a new addition,

[47:10] Dan.

Dan McCoy

[47:10] Yeah.

[47:11] A little like robot,

[47:13] girl robot.

[47:14] Little girl robot.

[47:15] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[47:15] And that is the end

[47:16] of the movie.

[47:17] Are they grilling?

[47:18] Am I imagining that?

[47:19] Were they,

[47:19] were they,

[47:20] was it,

[47:20] I feel like the idea

[47:21] is that they now have like,

[47:22] What are they like grilling?

Stuart Wellington

[47:22] Like little batteries

Elliott Kalan

[47:23] instead of hot dogs?

[47:24] I don't know.

[47:24] It's like batteries

[47:25] not included,

[47:25] you know.

[47:26] The idea is I guess

[47:28] they have now

[47:29] this like suburban,

[47:30] you know,

[47:31] lifestyle at the junkyard.

[47:32] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[47:32] They're sitting in a,

[47:33] you know,

[47:34] like outdoor furniture

[47:35] on some AstroTurf.

[47:37] You know,

[47:37] I can't remember

[47:38] whether there's literally a grill,

[47:39] but they're definitely

[47:39] in grill formation.

Elliott Kalan

[47:41] Thank you.

[47:43] Thank you for giving me

[47:43] that much.

Dan McCoy

[47:46] So that,

[47:46] yeah,

[47:46] that's heart beeps.

[47:47] That's heart beeps,

[47:48] baby.

[47:49] Stuart,

[47:49] luckily no mid-credit scenes.

[47:52] Oh,

[47:52] good.

[47:52] Because I turned that shit off.

[47:54] I'm showing the robots evolving.

Elliott Kalan

[47:56] What if the last minute

[47:57] in the credits,

[47:58] suddenly they were like,

[47:59] it's like Spider-Man showed up.

[48:00] That would be,

[48:01] we were like,

[48:01] suddenly Andy Kaufman's character Val

[48:03] like goes through a multiverse warp

[48:05] and ends up in Spider-Man's world.

[48:07] I was,

Stuart Wellington

[48:08] the whole time,

[48:09] every time it cut to

[48:10] Catskill saying a joke,

[48:12] I'm like,

[48:13] if he does something

[48:14] J. Jonah Jameson style,

[48:16] I'm going to be in deep water.

[48:18] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[48:20] So now is the part

[48:21] where we make

[48:22] our final judgments.

[48:24] Is this a good,

[48:24] bad movie,

[48:25] a bad,

[48:25] bad movie?

[48:26] Or a movie we kind of like.

[48:28] And I'm going to call this

[48:30] a good,

[48:31] bad movie with an asterisk,

[48:32] which is,

[48:33] the asterisk is,

[48:34] In Obelix.

[48:36] He's far in the back.

[48:40] Ready to spring into action

[48:41] if needed though.

[48:44] Yeah,

[48:44] I feel like Obelix

Elliott Kalan

[48:45] is usually on point.

[48:47] It's usually someone

[48:47] you can rely on for that.

[48:50] Obelix,

[48:51] you stay back.

[48:52] But when I need you,

[48:53] when I need you,

[48:54] you spring into it.

[48:55] And Obelix is like,

Dan McCoy

[48:56] Oh yeah,

[48:56] definitely.

[48:57] Yeah.

[48:59] No,

[49:00] this is a,

[49:01] I'm saying that because

[49:02] this is not a good,

[49:03] bad movie in the sense of like,

[49:05] I think you're going to laugh

[49:07] and be like,

[49:08] if you got together with friends,

[49:09] like,

[49:10] Oh,

[49:10] this is,

[49:10] you know,

[49:11] so wacky.

[49:12] how bad this movie is,

[49:13] how bad this movie is.

[49:13] We're all having fun.

[49:14] Like,

[49:14] as we said,

[49:15] it's slow and maudlin,

[49:19] but I'm going to call it a good,

[49:21] bad with an asterisk of like,

[49:22] it is so fascinating.

[49:24] If you are interested in like,

[49:27] real,

[49:28] like mega flops.

[49:29] Like,

[49:29] it is fascinating to watch a movie that has so many talented people doing good work in their fields and it all adding up to something that you can't understand why anyone ever thought this should be made or put on screens.

[49:45] So from that perspective,

[49:46] I think it's,

[49:47] it's kind of interesting,

[49:49] but,

[49:50] uh,

[49:50] yeah,

[49:51] don't,

[49:51] don't go in looking for like,

[49:52] bad laughs or something necessarily.

Stuart Wellington

[49:55] Or even good laughs.

[49:56] Yeah.

[49:56] I mean,

[49:56] this is definitely,

[49:57] I,

[49:58] I,

[49:58] I'm,

[49:58] I'm with you.

[49:59] I think this is a good,

[50:00] bad movie in the sense that it's like,

[50:02] there's something fascinating about it and it is like part of bad movie history.

[50:07] So it's,

[50:07] it's kind of worth it in that regard,

[50:09] but it is also pretty boring.

[50:12] Yeah.

[50:13] Like you're in and out in like 70 minutes at least.

[50:15] Yes.

Dan McCoy

[50:15] That's,

[50:16] that's essential.

Elliott Kalan

[50:17] That's,

[50:17] that's why I would call it a bad,

[50:19] bad movie for me is because it's a,

[50:21] I think it's worth watching a couple of clips from maybe if you watch the first eight minutes of this movie.

[50:28] Right.

[50:28] You,

[50:29] you've got it except for just imagine those same characters wandering through trees for forever.

[50:34] Um,

[50:35] I think it's,

[50:35] it,

[50:35] I felt maybe it was just the mood I was in while I was watching it,

[50:38] but I found,

[50:39] I took no joy in it for the most part.

[50:41] And I just found it so endless and so kind of dull.

[50:44] Um,

[50:45] but it's,

[50:45] I feel bad that you,

Stuart Wellington

[50:46] like normally when I'm feeling bad or when I'm feeling disconnected from the world,

[50:50] I turned to cinema to kind of raise my spirits.

[50:53] Yeah.

[50:53] And I feel bad that LA had to do that with heartbeats.

Elliott Kalan

[50:56] I think,

[50:57] I think,

[50:57] yeah,

[50:57] I think it's also partly that.

[50:58] So where I am in my life right now,

[51:00] I'm very,

[51:00] my work has kept me very busy.

[51:02] I have to watch the movies for the flop house.

[51:03] And it means that the flop house movies to non flop house movies ratio in my life is maybe the lowest it's ever been in terms of fewer non flop house movies that I'm watching.

[51:12] And so maybe it's just that there weren't,

[51:14] there wasn't enough time between flop house movies and between me having to watch this and then watch the next flop house movie.

[51:19] Well,

[51:19] fortunately you texted,

Dan McCoy

[51:20] you texted us and like,

[51:22] it sounds like you're really enjoying this next one we're going to watch.

[51:25] Nope.

Elliott Kalan

[51:26] Well,

[51:27] what's funny is the next movie we're going to watch,

[51:28] which should we mention what it is?

[51:30] Yeah,

[51:30] we can,

[51:30] we can do it.

[51:31] Next,

[51:31] next episode,

[51:32] not,

[51:32] I mean,

[51:32] next episode is a mini,

[51:33] but the one after that,

[51:33] we're going to be talking about the movie,

[51:34] the electric state.

[51:35] And I've started watching that.

[51:36] And it is almost the opposite of this in that it's also about robots.

[51:39] It also is trying for emotions that it is not achieving,

[51:41] but there's so much stuff constantly being thrown at your face where it's like the,

[51:46] the opposite of this and what we're there.

[51:47] They're not taking the time to set up very much,

[51:50] you know,

[51:50] whereas this movie feels like it's all set up and kind of waiting for the big scenes to start.

[51:54] So I got to watch a good,

[51:56] I got to watch a good movie about a robot that falls in love after this.

[51:59] Are there any?

[52:01] Well,

[52:02] maybe we'll talk about that.

[52:03] You said WALL-E.

[52:04] Specifically?

[52:04] Yeah,

[52:04] maybe we'll talk about that in next week's mini.

[52:06] So let's not,

[52:07] let's not discuss that now,

[52:09] but I'm going to give it a bad,

[52:11] bad,

[52:11] but certainly it is a fascinating bad,

[52:12] bad.

Dan McCoy

[52:13] Well,

[52:14] I'm going to take another break here to talk a little bit more about Max Fun Drive.

[52:17] I have specifically bonus content.

[52:19] Thank you gifts.

[52:21] You know,

[52:22] the model is basically we try and make as much as we can just open and free for everyone with the hopes that those who love it will help us sort of fund it after the fact,

[52:33] which is a very optimistic thing that we still believe in.

[52:37] But,

[52:37] but there's also thank you gifts.

[52:40] We also recognize that people like to be recognized.

[52:43] They like to get something.

[52:44] They like to hear us say thank you.

[52:46] And the,

[52:47] at the first level,

[52:48] the $5 a month level,

[52:49] there is,

[52:50] of course,

[52:51] that bonus content,

[52:52] a library full of it from every show on the network.

[52:55] It's gotten to be pretty huge over the years.

[52:57] And you get an access,

[52:58] you get access to the whole library across the network when you join at just $5 a month or more.

[53:04] That's right.

[53:05] The best thank you gift is at the lowest level.

[53:09] Again,

[53:09] our bonus content this year is called Slop Tales.

[53:13] It's an RPG created by Stuart with soundscapes and fantastic original music contributed by Alex Smith,

[53:19] our producer.

[53:21] And it's got me,

[53:22] Elliot,

[53:23] and a favorite guest,

[53:25] Zhubin Parang,

[53:26] playing the staff of a beach town restaurant on Memorial Day weekend.

[53:30] And we're both trying to create and then diffuse some wacky shenanigans.

[53:37] If you join or upgrade at the $10 a month level,

[53:39] you get our enamel pen or the enamel pen for the show of your choice.

[53:44] Ours this year features Mads Mikkelsen with the slogan,

[53:48] Mad About Mads.

[53:50] And this is just a side note.

[53:52] If you're already a member and you want a pen or you want an extra pen or several extra pens,

[53:59] there will be a post-drive pen sale with all proceeds going to the Transgender Law Center.

[54:04] At the $20 a month level,

[54:06] you get a beautiful beach towel with MaxFun's unofficial squirrel mascot,

[54:11] Nutsy,

[54:12] and a unicorn.

[54:13] It looks like a beautiful neon dream of the 80s.

[54:17] And of course,

[54:17] if you are Rich Uncle Pennybags from Monopoly,

[54:20] there are even more extravagant gifts at even higher levels,

[54:23] and all the gifts stack.

[54:25] So if you join at a higher level,

[54:26] you get every gift from the lower levels as well.

[54:30] So,

[54:31] will you please join us as a member?

[54:32] A MaxFun membership costs less per year than that streaming service that,

[54:36] frankly,

[54:36] come on,

[54:37] you're paying for it,

[54:38] you barely use it anyway.

[54:39] So why not consider supporting us,

[54:41] where you know that the pledge you give goes directly to us or the worker owners of the network,

[54:45] and make sure we can keep this silly thing going.

[54:47] It's a show I know has given me comfort.

[54:50] I know from letters is giving a lot of you comfort.

[54:54] So I'd like to thank everyone who supports already,

[54:57] and to ask anyone who's on the fence to go to MaximumFun.org slash join right now,

[55:03] and put your money where your heart is.

[55:05] But now,

[55:07] back to the show.

[55:09] Let's see,

[55:09] the last thing we did was final judgments,

[55:10] which means letters.

Elliott Kalan

[55:12] Dan,

[55:13] first I have a correction for earlier in the movie.

[55:15] Yes,

[55:15] please.

[55:16] Not early in the episode.

[55:17] Not while I,

[55:17] it's not that I wasn't listening to you.

[55:19] I was listening to you very closely,

[55:20] and I'm wondering,

[55:21] when is MaxFun and Nutsy finally going to make it official?

[55:23] You know,

[55:23] that's,

[55:24] but also,

[55:24] according to IMDb,

[55:25] this movie was shot in New Mexico.

Stuart Wellington

[55:28] Oh.

[55:29] Okay,

[55:29] beautiful.

[55:29] So that's what we're seeing in it.

[55:31] It's not all desert,

[55:31] Dan.

[55:32] I know you're saying it's all desert.

[55:33] I was just yelling at you beforehand.

Dan McCoy

[55:35] I'm like,

[55:36] no,

[55:36] Stuart,

[55:36] it's all desert.

[55:37] I'm like,

[55:38] no,

[55:38] Dan,

[55:38] there's a variety of ecosystems.

[55:40] All desert there.

Elliott Kalan

[55:41] Something else I want to mention here is,

[55:43] so Heart Beeps,

[55:44] Stan Winston,

[55:45] this is a Stan Winston story that was in the trivia here,

[55:47] is that he,

[55:49] he had done the Tin Man for the Wiz,

[55:51] and that's why he got this job,

[55:52] because he was the new,

[55:53] turn someone into a robot thing.

[55:55] And he used this kind of gelatin application

[55:57] that kept melting in the sun,

[55:59] and made him really stressed out and frustrated,

[56:01] and Bernadette Peters had to calm him down.

[56:03] And then afterwards,

[56:04] he saw a making of documentary of The Dark Crystal,

[56:07] and it got him very excited about using puppet technology,

[56:10] and kind of,

[56:10] to articulate characters rather than makeup on people,

[56:13] and that must have led to The Terminator,

[56:15] which is a,

[56:16] it's a puppet rather than a,

[56:17] a person in a costume.

[56:19] So,

[56:20] maybe we have his bad experience on Heart Beeps

[56:22] to thank for one of the great movie robot designs.

[56:24] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[56:25] You know,

[56:26] and also Jim Henson's work.

[56:28] Every piece of our life,

[56:29] you know,

[56:29] helps create the,

[56:32] the puzzle that is ourselves.

[56:34] I don't know.

[56:35] That's true, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[56:36] That piece of wisdom is worth joining

[56:40] or upgrading your membership.

[56:41] That's for sure.

Dan McCoy

[56:44] So,

[56:44] this first letter is from

[56:46] Davidson,

[56:47] last name withheld,

[56:49] who writes,

[56:50] I'm listening to the back catalog.

[56:53] Normally,

[56:53] I listen to NPR's background noise while I'm working,

[56:56] but you know,

[56:57] I can't write now without hyperventilating.

[56:59] I typed Tom Brokaw Dune into Google

[57:02] to see if Tom Brokaw was actually known

[57:05] for his affection for Dune,

[57:06] or if this was completely imagined by Elliot.

[57:09] I thought you'd appreciate the results.

[57:11] And of course,

[57:11] I texted you guys this a while back

[57:14] and I put it up on the Flophouse Instagram

[57:17] as a reel.

[57:19] So,

[57:19] if you want to check it out,

[57:20] you can look at it over there.

[57:21] But it is

[57:21] AI

[57:23] incorrectly identifying Tom Brokaw

[57:27] as a longtime Dune fan

[57:29] who has talked about his love of Dune

[57:31] on the show,

[57:32] the Flophouse.

[57:32] And a few of us himself on the show,

[57:33] yeah.

[57:33] Yeah.

[57:34] So,

[57:34] if you want

[57:35] even more proof of something

[57:38] you should already know

[57:39] that AI is stupid

[57:40] and should not be being forced

[57:42] into every corner of our lives,

[57:44] there you go.

[57:45] But,

Dan McCoy

[57:45] he goes on.

Elliott Kalan

[57:46] It reminds me,

[57:47] Dan,

[57:47] of an AI story

[57:48] I read recently

[57:49] that I forgot where the guy lives

[57:51] and it may be,

[57:52] I think he might be Dutch,

[57:52] I'm not sure,

[57:53] but this guy on a lark

[57:54] asked the AI

[57:55] to tell him about himself

[57:56] and the AI

[57:57] hallucinated the story

[57:58] that he had killed

[57:59] his two sons

[58:00] and the guy was very unhappy

[58:02] about it.

[58:03] Dear Lord.

[58:04] So,

[58:04] do not trust anything

[58:04] a computer tells you

[58:05] because the computer,

[58:06] maybe it's in low energy joke mode

[58:09] and it's just going to tell you

[58:10] something wrong,

[58:10] you know.

Stuart Wellington

[58:11] What's the chance

[58:12] you think that somebody

[58:13] has been like,

[58:14] hey,

[58:15] hey Tom,

[58:16] I saw something about you

[58:17] on the internet

[58:17] that you love Dune?

Elliott Kalan

[58:20] I think there's a chance.

[58:21] There's a chance.

[58:22] The best thing would be

[58:23] if somebody was like,

[58:24] I saw online, Tom,

[58:25] that you love Dune

[58:25] and he'd be like,

[58:26] oh,

[58:26] I've never read it

[58:27] and then he reads it

[58:28] and he loves it

[58:28] and then he comes on the podcast

[58:30] for real

[58:30] to talk about how glad he is

[58:32] that we introduced him to it.

[58:33] That would be a dream come true.

[58:34] So,

[58:35] Tom Brokaw,

[58:35] if you read Dune

[58:37] because of our podcast

[58:37] and you loved it,

[58:38] please come on the show.

[58:40] We would love to have you.

Dan McCoy

[58:42] Anyway,

[58:43] the letter continues though.

[58:44] Instead of reading further

[58:45] to try and figure out the truth,

[58:47] I decided to write

[58:48] The Peaches

[58:49] with a question.

Stuart Wellington

[58:50] Oh.

[58:51] Has there ever been

[58:51] lore or legend

[58:53] related to a film

Dan McCoy

[58:54] that influenced your feelings

[58:55] for that film

[58:55] and upon learning

[58:57] that lore or legend

[58:58] was untrue,

[59:00] changed those feelings?

[59:01] I'm thinking about stuff

[59:02] outside the actual content

[59:03] of the movie

[59:04] so Ding Dong ripping off

[59:05] would be excluded

[59:07] as an example.

[59:09] Sincerely,

[59:09] Jameson,

[59:10] last name.

[59:10] Okay,

Stuart Wellington

[59:11] I'll unload that pistol.

[59:13] Now,

[59:15] I mean,

[59:17] obviously,

[59:18] the ghost

[59:19] in Three Men

[59:19] and a Baby.

[59:20] When you found out

[59:21] it wasn't a real ghost,

[59:22] you missed it.

[59:23] This movie isn't as scary

[59:24] as I thought it was.

[59:25] Yeah,

[59:25] before you were terrified.

Dan McCoy

[59:28] Don't make me see a ghost.

[59:32] Yeah,

[59:32] I'm trying to

[59:33] think about this.

Elliott Kalan

[59:35] I don't think I have one

[59:35] about movies,

[59:36] but can I talk about one

[59:37] that's not a movie?

[59:38] Yeah,

[59:38] sure.

[59:39] Yeah,

[59:39] why not?

[59:39] I think learning the true story

[59:41] of the Winchester Mystery House

[59:43] really changed my attitude about it.

[59:46] For those who don't know,

[59:47] the Winchester Mystery House,

[59:48] it was built by the widow

[59:50] of the Winchester

[59:52] from the Winchester Firearms Fortune.

[59:54] And I'd always grown up

[59:56] with the story of it being

[59:57] deliberately built

[59:58] as like a weird maze

[59:59] with closed off

[1:00:00] staircases and doors

[1:00:02] that go nowhere

[1:00:02] and windows

[1:00:03] that are all bricked up

[1:00:04] because she was trying

[1:00:06] to keep the ghosts

[1:00:07] of those killed

[1:00:08] by her husband's guns

[1:00:09] to get to her.

[1:00:11] And then years ago,

[1:00:11] 99% Invisible

[1:00:12] did an episode about it

[1:00:13] where they're like,

[1:00:14] she was a pioneering

[1:00:15] female architect

[1:00:16] and there was an earthquake

[1:00:17] and half the house fell down.

[1:00:18] So they just had to

[1:00:19] very hastily

[1:00:19] put new walls up

[1:00:21] and things like that

[1:00:22] where they changed this

[1:00:23] because they made

[1:00:23] an addition to the house.

[1:00:24] And it really made me

[1:00:25] kind of upset

[1:00:26] that a very non-supernatural,

[1:00:29] very real explanation

[1:00:30] for why a house

[1:00:31] was kind of weird

[1:00:32] had been turned into

[1:00:33] this story

[1:00:33] of an insane

[1:00:34] madwoman,

[1:00:35] you know,

[1:00:36] who was paranoid

[1:00:36] about ghosts.

[1:00:38] And it made me

[1:00:38] look at it differently.

[1:00:39] It made me kind of sad,

[1:00:40] you know?

[1:00:41] So I hate to bust

[1:00:42] everyone's bubble

[1:00:43] about the Winchester

[1:00:44] Mystery House,

[1:00:44] but, you know,

[1:00:45] it's not really

[1:00:46] a ghost thing.

[1:00:47] Dan?

Dan McCoy

[1:00:47] Yeah, I'm trying,

[1:00:48] I'm really trying to think.

[1:00:50] I'm not,

[1:00:51] the only ones

[1:00:51] I can come up with

[1:00:52] are ones that

[1:00:52] are actually true

[1:00:54] that have enhanced

[1:00:54] my enjoyment,

[1:00:57] like how everyone

[1:00:59] had dysentery

[1:01:00] on Raiders of the Lost Ark.

[1:01:01] So Harrison Ford's like,

[1:01:03] look,

[1:01:03] can I just shoot him

[1:01:03] in the scene?

[1:01:04] made a better scene.

[1:01:07] So I apologize,

[1:01:08] but I thought

[1:01:09] that was an interesting

[1:01:10] misuse of technology

[1:01:13] that I wanted to pass

[1:01:14] on to everyone.

[1:01:17] Tom Brokaw,

[1:01:18] as far as we know,

[1:01:20] it's just out of Elliot's

[1:01:21] beautiful brain.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:23] Yep,

[1:01:24] don't even,

[1:01:24] I wish I could walk

[1:01:25] my way through

[1:01:26] the thought process

[1:01:27] of it,

[1:01:27] but I can't.

[1:01:28] That's it.

[1:01:30] I started it.

[1:01:31] Okay.

[1:01:32] Well,

[1:01:33] it all gets merged

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:35] together over the years.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:37] It's a collab,

[1:01:37] yeah.

[1:01:39] Ethan.

[1:01:39] Yeah,

[1:01:39] but I certainly

[1:01:40] stole it from you.

[1:01:41] You can't deny that.

[1:01:42] Yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:43] Ethan,

[1:01:43] last name withheld,

[1:01:45] writes,

[1:01:45] A few years ago,

[1:01:47] I worked in Berkeley,

[1:01:48] California,

[1:01:49] at a non-profit.

[1:01:50] One weekend,

[1:01:51] my co-workers and I

[1:01:52] drove to Lake Tahoe

[1:01:53] for a camping trip,

[1:01:54] but when we got

[1:01:55] to the campsite,

[1:01:56] the air quality

[1:01:56] was dangerously low

[1:01:57] due to a wildfire

[1:01:59] in Yosemite

[1:01:59] to the north.

[1:02:01] So instead of hiking,

[1:02:02] we went straight

[1:02:03] into our tents.

[1:02:05] I was with my

[1:02:05] Ugandan co-worker,

[1:02:06] who I only kind of

[1:02:07] knew at the time,

[1:02:08] who proceeded to pull

[1:02:09] a laptop from his bag

[1:02:10] and asked me if I wanted

[1:02:11] to watch a movie.

[1:02:12] I asked him what he had

[1:02:13] and he was very excited

[1:02:14] and started playing

[1:02:15] Morbius.

[1:02:17] It had to be the weirdest

[1:02:18] movie-going experience

[1:02:19] of my life.

[1:02:20] I'm curious,

[1:02:21] what's the weirdest

[1:02:21] movie-going experience

[1:02:23] you've had

[1:02:24] slash the weirdest

[1:02:25] place you've watched

[1:02:26] a movie?

[1:02:27] Keep on flopping

[1:02:28] around the theaters,

[1:02:29] Ethan.

[1:02:31] I don't,

[1:02:32] like this isn't

[1:02:33] by any means

[1:02:34] particularly weird,

[1:02:35] but I did think of

[1:02:37] how, you know,

[1:02:40] around my 40th birthday,

[1:02:44] my friend...

[1:02:44] Happy birthday, Dan.

[1:02:45] Well, thank you.

[1:02:48] My friend, John,

[1:02:51] was like,

[1:02:51] oh, it's also

[1:02:52] my 40th birthday.

[1:02:54] We should do this thing

[1:02:55] that Stuart was talking

[1:02:57] about with our friend,

[1:02:58] our friends who run

[1:02:59] travel agency,

[1:03:02] which was to take

[1:03:03] this cruise to Alaska.

[1:03:04] I had never previously

[1:03:05] had any interest

[1:03:06] in cruises,

[1:03:07] but I'm like,

[1:03:08] oh, Alaska,

[1:03:08] that's neat.

[1:03:09] Yeah, but you love

[1:03:10] the movie Cruisin'.

[1:03:11] Cruise Control.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:13] Me too, Cruise Control.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:14] Yeah, and Boat Trip.

[1:03:15] You were like,

[1:03:16] finally,

[1:03:17] my chance to leave out

[1:03:18] the story of Boat Trip.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:19] Possibly the most

[1:03:20] unpleasant thing

[1:03:21] we have ever watched.

[1:03:22] Yeah, you're right.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:23] It's certainly up there,

[1:03:23] that's for sure.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:25] But I do remember

[1:03:26] being on this cruise

[1:03:28] at that point,

[1:03:30] single,

[1:03:30] alone,

[1:03:31] with three other couples,

[1:03:33] and the others

[1:03:34] were doing something else.

[1:03:35] Sounding a lot like

[1:03:35] Boat Trip.

[1:03:36] I don't know,

[1:03:38] but I was up on the

[1:03:39] top deck

[1:03:40] in the sprinkling rain

[1:03:41] because there was

[1:03:42] a movie playing,

[1:03:43] and it was the

[1:03:44] Alicia Vikander

[1:03:45] Tomb Raider

[1:03:46] that I sat up there

[1:03:48] watching,

[1:03:49] mostly alone.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:51] But I kind of liked it.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:52] I kind of liked that movie.

[1:03:53] Yeah.

[1:03:54] You guys have things

[1:03:55] that this brings to mind?

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:56] I mean,

[1:03:57] I feel like

[1:03:58] I've only ever watched

[1:04:00] one movie

[1:04:01] in its entirety

[1:04:02] on my phone.

[1:04:03] Oh.

[1:04:04] And I watched...

[1:04:05] Yeah, I know.

[1:04:06] I don't watch the...

[1:04:07] Like,

[1:04:07] I don't know,

[1:04:07] maybe I'm bad on this.

[1:04:08] But even if you're

Dan McCoy

[1:04:08] like flying somewhere,

[1:04:09] like...

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:10] I'll watch it on my laptop.

[1:04:11] I'll bring my laptop.

[1:04:12] I'm not going to watch

[1:04:14] All right.

[1:04:14] I want the...

[1:04:15] Okay, Christopher Nolan.

[1:04:16] ...the slightly

[1:04:16] widescreen experience.

[1:04:20] But no,

[1:04:20] I watched...

[1:04:21] I watched this

[1:04:22] Australian thriller,

[1:04:23] Hounds of Love,

[1:04:24] which is terrifying.

[1:04:25] And I watched it

[1:04:27] And the whole...

[1:04:27] I'm like...

[1:04:28] I think I was watching it

[1:04:29] in bed.

[1:04:30] My wife was asleep

[1:04:30] next to me.

[1:04:31] And the lights were out

[1:04:32] except for my phone.

[1:04:33] I'm like,

[1:04:34] this is extra scary.

[1:04:37] It's like the movie

[1:04:38] is calling me.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:39] Because Charlene

Dan McCoy

[1:04:39] could wake up

[1:04:40] at any moment

[1:04:40] and say,

[1:04:40] turn that off.

[1:04:41] Turn that off.

[1:04:42] That's what I'm scared of.

[1:04:43] That's what she sounds like.

[1:04:44] That was the scariest thing

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:45] about...

[1:04:45] When I saw...

[1:04:47] When I watched the movie

[1:04:47] Mandy at Home,

[1:04:48] the scariest thing about it

[1:04:49] was worrying that my sons

[1:04:50] would wake up

[1:04:51] and walk into the room

[1:04:52] at any moment

[1:04:52] while I was watching it.

[1:04:54] Dan,

[1:04:54] why are you masturbating?

[1:04:56] To that goblin.

[1:05:00] Can I have a cheddar goblin

[1:05:01] in our house?

[1:05:02] No.

[1:05:03] So I think...

[1:05:03] I didn't have too many

[1:05:04] weird moviego experiences,

[1:05:05] but it did make me think of

[1:05:06] years ago

[1:05:07] when I attended

[1:05:08] the New York premiere screening

[1:05:10] of Birdemic,

[1:05:11] which was a movie

[1:05:11] that friends of mine

[1:05:13] had been like,

[1:05:13] you gotta see this movie.

[1:05:14] If it ever comes to New York,

[1:05:15] you gotta see it.

[1:05:16] And the director of the film

[1:05:18] and the two leads

[1:05:19] were there at the theater

[1:05:20] and the lead actor in it,

[1:05:22] I mean,

[1:05:23] he's not a professional actor,

[1:05:23] the lead guy in it

[1:05:24] was so stoked,

[1:05:25] he was so excited,

[1:05:27] and the director

[1:05:27] was so excited,

[1:05:28] he had brought one,

[1:05:29] like a fake bird,

[1:05:30] like a,

[1:05:30] either a taxidermied bird

[1:05:31] or a fake bird with him,

[1:05:33] and the lead actress,

[1:05:34] you could tell,

[1:05:35] knew exactly what this movie was,

[1:05:36] knew exactly why we were there,

[1:05:38] and she just goes,

[1:05:39] before the movie starts,

[1:05:40] she's like,

[1:05:40] just take it,

[1:05:42] take it as we meant it

[1:05:44] or something like that.

[1:05:45] Like,

[1:05:45] just take it as it is.

[1:05:47] Like,

[1:05:48] there was a,

[1:05:48] it was,

[1:05:49] and it made,

[1:05:49] there was this sudden moment

[1:05:50] where the whole audience

[1:05:51] kind of felt bad,

[1:05:51] I think,

[1:05:52] that she was like,

[1:05:53] I know why you're here.

[1:05:54] Like,

[1:05:54] you think this is garbage,

[1:05:55] but then once the movie started,

[1:05:56] it was,

[1:05:56] well,

[1:05:56] actually,

[1:05:57] then they played the trailer

[1:05:58] for Human Centipede,

[1:05:59] which none of us had seen before,

[1:06:00] and everyone laughed their way through that,

[1:06:01] and then we watched the movie,

[1:06:02] and once the movie was on,

[1:06:03] it was,

[1:06:03] you know,

[1:06:04] nonstop laughter.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:05] Human Centipede was a palate cleanser.

[1:06:08] Yeah.

[1:06:08] Exactly.

[1:06:10] Okay,

[1:06:10] well,

[1:06:11] let's move on to some recommendations,

[1:06:15] movies we've seen recently.

[1:06:17] Have you seen this Heart Beeps movie?

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:18] Beautiful.

[1:06:19] Oh,

[1:06:19] yeah.

[1:06:20] Oh,

[1:06:21] man,

[1:06:21] I feel bad.

[1:06:22] Elliot hasn't watched any other movies.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:23] No,

[1:06:24] I've only seen Heart Beeps,

[1:06:25] so I have to recommend it,

[1:06:26] so I guess I'll just say,

[1:06:27] it's good,

[1:06:28] because you can just get up

[1:06:29] and go do something else

[1:06:30] and come back.

[1:06:30] No,

[1:06:30] I'm just kidding.

[1:06:31] I do have a movie to recommend.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:32] You know what?

[1:06:33] I'm going to recommend

[1:06:34] a new movie that's in theaters.

[1:06:37] I saw it just recently,

[1:06:39] Black Bag by Steven Soderbergh.

[1:06:41] Okay.

[1:06:42] Spy movie.

[1:06:43] Yeah,

[1:06:44] and I'm recommending it in part because

[1:06:45] You love bags.

[1:06:47] Very few people seem to be going to see it,

[1:06:50] and my friend Kevin joked on his Letterboxd review

[1:06:54] that it must be people confused,

[1:06:56] thinking that,

[1:06:57] like,

[1:06:57] oh,

[1:06:57] Steven Soderbergh retired already.

[1:07:00] Oh,

[1:07:00] wait,

[1:07:00] no,

[1:07:00] it was actually Matt Carman,

[1:07:01] our friend,

[1:07:02] replying to Kevin.

[1:07:02] Anyway,

[1:07:03] point is,

[1:07:04] someone who we know.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:05] There's a weird thing where Steven Soderbergh is coming out with more movies at a faster pace

[1:07:08] than I think he ever has before,

[1:07:09] and yet it somehow seems like he has not made a movie in years,

[1:07:12] maybe because of the way they're being distributed,

Dan McCoy

[1:07:14] you know?

[1:07:14] A lot of them went to HBO.

[1:07:16] He had that deal with HBO.

[1:07:19] Yeah,

[1:07:19] I think,

[1:07:20] I think part of it is where those movies can find homes now.

[1:07:25] Part of it is,

[1:07:25] like,

[1:07:26] he has made a lot of them,

[1:07:29] and he continues to do it with,

[1:07:31] like,

[1:07:31] great craft,

[1:07:32] but I think the fact that he's prolific makes it seem less special,

[1:07:36] maybe,

[1:07:37] when one comes out.

[1:07:37] I think that's exactly right,

[1:07:38] yeah.

[1:07:39] But this is,

[1:07:40] you know,

[1:07:40] another great piece of craft from him.

[1:07:44] Fassbender and Blanchett,

[1:07:46] you know,

[1:07:47] play hot spies,

[1:07:48] because that's the only things that they can play.

[1:07:50] But it's like,

[1:07:51] it's funny,

[1:07:52] it's like a,

[1:07:52] well,

[1:07:53] it's a Le Carre style spy story,

[1:07:56] but they are,

[1:07:58] you know,

[1:07:59] gorgeous hot people at the center of it.

[1:08:01] So it's a weird sort of conflict.

[1:08:03] Which is very not Le Carre.

[1:08:04] Yeah.

[1:08:04] It's usually,

[1:08:05] you know,

[1:08:06] 60-year-old balding men in an office somewhere,

[1:08:10] you know,

[1:08:10] smoking cigarettes,

[1:08:11] pasty from never seeing the sun,

[1:08:13] you know,

[1:08:13] but I think it,

[1:08:16] I think in this movie,

[1:08:17] so much of it is about their marriage,

[1:08:19] that it helps that they're both like,

[1:08:21] you know,

[1:08:22] smoking hot people,

[1:08:23] because you're led to believe throughout the film,

[1:08:27] you're like,

[1:08:27] okay,

[1:08:27] well,

[1:08:27] can they trust one another?

[1:08:28] They're both in the spy business.

[1:08:31] It's a case in which one of them has to investigate the other,

[1:08:34] like,

[1:08:35] and you are wondering,

[1:08:37] like,

[1:08:38] is the trust that they've built up real,

[1:08:41] or not?

[1:08:42] And that's kind of the central metaphor,

[1:08:44] you know,

[1:08:45] spy business as marriage,

[1:08:47] but the spy business is all really well put together,

[1:08:49] and sharp,

[1:08:51] and entertaining,

[1:08:51] and if you want movies that aren't just some IP being recycled,

[1:08:57] then,

[1:08:58] you know,

[1:08:58] maybe go out and,

[1:08:59] go see some solid adult fare.

[1:09:01] Yeah,

[1:09:02] yeah,

[1:09:02] yeah.

[1:09:03] But,

[1:09:03] but I think we've been trained not to,

[1:09:05] is the problem,

[1:09:07] but I would recommend it.

[1:09:08] Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:09] I'm going to recommend a little short movie,

[1:09:12] since Heart Beeps was a short movie,

[1:09:13] I'm going to recommend a movie from last year called Rap World.

[1:09:18] It's a hot 55 minutes.

[1:09:21] It's available on its entirety.

[1:09:22] Not even feature length.

[1:09:23] Wow.

[1:09:24] It's,

[1:09:24] it's available in its entirety on YouTube.

[1:09:28] It's a film by comedian Conor O'Malley,

[1:09:31] and it is about a group of friends,

[1:09:34] shot very,

[1:09:36] like,

[1:09:38] cheapo documentary style,

[1:09:40] mockumentary style,

[1:09:42] about a group of friends,

[1:09:44] on one night in 2009,

[1:09:46] who are living in Tobyhanna,

[1:09:49] Pennsylvania,

[1:09:50] and they are recording their,

[1:09:53] they are attempting to make their debut rap album,

[1:09:58] and,

[1:09:59] you know,

[1:10:00] over the course of a single night,

[1:10:01] and obviously,

[1:10:03] hijinks and setbacks occur.

[1:10:06] And also,

[1:10:07] it was,

[1:10:08] it's,

[1:10:08] it's very funny.

[1:10:09] It's edited really well.

[1:10:11] There's a bunch of great little performances.

[1:10:14] Sarah Sherman from Saturday Night Live's in it for a little bit.

[1:10:17] Conor O'Malley's very funny.

[1:10:18] Everybody's great.

[1:10:20] One of the guys,

[1:10:21] who keeps,

[1:10:22] over the course of the movie,

[1:10:24] keeps sending these,

[1:10:25] like,

[1:10:25] kind of deranged FaceTime videos

[1:10:27] to a girl he's interested in.

[1:10:29] The way that he speaks

[1:10:30] sounds so much like my younger brother

[1:10:33] that it is incredibly triggering for me,

[1:10:36] and it was very,

[1:10:37] both hard to watch,

[1:10:38] but also kind of impressive

[1:10:39] that he manages to capture

[1:10:41] a very specific type of Midwestern slang speaking.

[1:10:46] So,

[1:10:46] yeah,

[1:10:47] Rap World,

[1:10:48] check it out.

[1:10:48] It's really funny.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:49] I'm also going to recommend a short movie,

[1:10:51] but not as short as Rap World.

[1:10:53] I'm going to recommend a movie from 1969

[1:10:54] called The Comic.

[1:10:55] It was directed by Carl Reiner

[1:10:57] and stars Dick Van Dyke,

[1:10:58] and it tells the story of a

[1:10:59] silent film comedian

[1:11:01] who's basically a big jerk

[1:11:02] who makes his career in silent film,

[1:11:05] and then,

[1:11:06] when he reaches a certain age,

[1:11:08] his alcoholism

[1:11:08] and his mistreatment of others

[1:11:09] gets to him.

[1:11:10] And the first hour of the movie

[1:11:12] when it shows him

[1:11:13] making his way in silent film

[1:11:15] and mistreating people

[1:11:16] is okay,

[1:11:17] although it really shows

[1:11:18] how well Dick Van Dyke

[1:11:19] would have done

[1:11:20] as a silent filmmaker

[1:11:21] in the 20s

[1:11:22] because he's very funny in it.

[1:11:23] But then the last half hour

[1:11:24] when he is an old man

[1:11:26] living a very boring,

[1:11:28] unpleasant,

[1:11:28] but like unsatisfying life

[1:11:29] is,

[1:11:30] I find parts of it so funny

[1:11:32] because it is like,

[1:11:33] it's so bleak

[1:11:35] and it's just kind of like

[1:11:36] him as an old man

[1:11:37] sitting in a small apartment

[1:11:38] watching TV while he's eating,

[1:11:40] and there's something

[1:11:41] very funny about it

[1:11:41] after the bigness of his life

[1:11:45] before then.

[1:11:45] And so,

[1:11:46] I think it's not

[1:11:47] the greatest movie.

[1:11:49] I didn't really love it

[1:11:50] the way I was hoping to,

[1:11:51] but there's a lot of moments

[1:11:53] in it that I really liked a lot,

[1:11:54] and so I'll recommend

[1:11:55] The Comic,

[1:11:57] which I believe

[1:11:58] may also be on YouTube

[1:11:59] in its entirety,

[1:12:00] you know,

[1:12:00] not necessarily legally,

[1:12:02] but I think I might have

[1:12:03] watched it on Tubi

[1:12:05] or on YouTube movies,

[1:12:06] I can't remember.

[1:12:07] Anyway,

[1:12:07] it doesn't matter.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:09] And I have one final recommendation,

[1:12:11] which is that

[1:12:12] if you've never been

[1:12:13] a MaxFun member,

[1:12:15] try it out at just $5 a month,

[1:12:18] enjoy that bonus content.

[1:12:19] If you're already a member

[1:12:21] and you'd like to support

[1:12:21] a little more,

[1:12:22] we would certainly appreciate

[1:12:23] you upgrading your membership

[1:12:24] or even boosting

[1:12:25] by a few dollars

[1:12:26] per month or so

[1:12:27] if you are able to do so.

[1:12:29] Please do so now,

[1:12:31] though,

[1:12:31] before you forget

[1:12:32] at MaximumFun.org

[1:12:34] slash join.

[1:12:35] And,

[1:12:37] most importantly,

[1:12:38] thank you

[1:12:38] to all of our members.

[1:12:40] Thank you for listening.

[1:12:41] We cannot make the show

[1:12:42] without you,

[1:12:43] and we are so grateful

[1:12:44] for your support.

[1:12:46] And we're also grateful

[1:12:47] for producer Alex Smith.

[1:12:49] You know him

[1:12:50] by the name

[1:12:51] Howell Doughty

[1:12:52] on the internet.

[1:12:53] Check his stuff out

[1:12:54] as well.

[1:12:56] Check out

[1:12:57] the Maximum Fun

[1:12:58] family of podcasts

[1:13:00] at MaximumFun.org

[1:13:01] while you're joining.

[1:13:03] And thank you for listening.

[1:13:04] I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:13:06] I'm Stewie Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:08] I'm Ellie Kalin

[1:13:09] saying thank you listeners,

[1:13:10] but especially thank you members.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:13] Okay,

[1:13:14] see you next time.

[1:13:15] Bye.

[1:13:16] Bye.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:19] A little stinker.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:27] Too hot for TB.

[1:13:28] That's tuberculosis.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:31] Great.

[1:13:32] This is all great stuff.

[1:13:33] They'd send you

[1:13:33] to a warmer climate.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:34] They'd say,

[1:13:35] go to Arizona.

[1:13:36] It's too hot for TB.

[1:13:37] Go to Tucson, Arizona.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:40] All right.

[1:13:41] Now we're starting.

[1:13:42] Welcome to Tucson, Arizona.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:43] We actually don't say Arizona,

[1:13:45] but a lot of people

[1:13:45] think we do.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:46] Welcome to Tucson, Arizona.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:49] Ha ha.

[1:13:51] Music of the night.

[1:13:53] It's mostly,

[1:13:54] you know,

[1:13:55] desert creatures.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:57] Buy some turquoise jewelry

[1:13:59] while you're here.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:00] People say,

[1:14:01] why did you go to Tucson

[1:14:03] where it's sunny all the time?

[1:14:04] And I remind them

[1:14:04] they also have night

[1:14:06] in Tucson.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:08] It's not just daytime.

[1:14:09] I also have night in Tucson,

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:10] the name of my vampire novel.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:11] And they say,

[1:14:12] don't they have two suns there?

[1:14:13] And they're like,

[1:14:13] no.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:15] That's a common misconception.

[1:14:17] It's actually the same fun sun

[1:14:19] that the earth goes around.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:20] I think Tatooine,

[1:14:21] I don't remember.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:24] Now Tatooine would be

[1:14:25] very bad for a vampire,

[1:14:27] but you see there is a sunset

[1:14:28] because Luke stares off

[1:14:30] into it longingly

[1:14:31] as he dreams of joining

[1:14:32] the academy

[1:14:33] and leaving this

[1:14:34] mud ball sand planet.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:36] I love how it occasionally

[1:14:37] drifts into

[1:14:38] Father Guido Sarducci.

[1:14:40] He was a vampire, right?

[1:14:42] Yeah, he was a vampire.

[1:14:43] Top vampire.

[1:14:44] Okay, let's,

[1:14:45] do the show.

[1:14:46] Top fam.

[1:14:49] Maximum Fun.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:50] A worker-owned network

[1:14:51] of artist-owned shows

[1:14:53] supported

[1:14:54] directly

[1:14:54] by you.

Ep.#448 - Heartbeeps

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