The Flop House: Episode #135 - Olympus Has Fallen

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss White House de- I mean, Olympus has fallen.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:35] So, here at the Flophouse-

[0:36] No, no, no, no.

[0:38] You gotta say your name first.

[0:39] Yeah.

[0:41] Okay, wait, what-

[0:42] Who are you?

[0:43] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:44] Yeah.

[0:45] And I'm-

[0:46] And you're the-

[0:47] No.

Elliott Kalan

[0:47] And I'm-

[0:48] And I'm Elliot Kaelin. If this ID I found in my pocket when I woke up this morning is correct.

Dan McCoy

[0:53] If we sound extra rusty, it's because we actually haven't been together for a while.

[0:58] We often start these podcasts by lying and saying, oh, it's been a while.

[1:04] But in this case, it actually has been. It's been over a month since we recorded.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07] We usually record every two weeks, but we-

[1:09] It's all a fiction.

[1:10] We stockpiled a bunch of episodes because we knew we had a lot of-

[1:12] Banked them.

[1:13] We had a lot of life to do. We had a lot of living left to do.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16] We got a lot of living to do.

[1:18] It's been a few weeks ago since Elliot missed Sylvester Stallone appearing on the podcast.

[1:26] I can't believe I was out of the room for that.

[1:28] Were you able-

[1:29] Now, you just got back from a USO tour.

[1:31] How did the troops love your recreation of that moment?

[1:35] How did they love your Sylvester Stallone impression?

Elliott Kalan

[1:37] Man, in Afghanistan, I got so-

[1:38] I was in Afghanistan for a USO tour.

[1:40] I got so much razzing-

[1:42] Spoiler alert.

[1:43] Not a spoiler alert. It happened already.

[1:44] Okay.

[1:45] I got so much razzing from the troops for missing Stallone.

[1:49] But when I-

[1:50] Because they love him over there.

[1:50] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:51] And they did not appreciate my reenactments.

[1:52] They consider it sacred.

[1:54] And they thought I was defacing their profit.

Dan McCoy

[1:58] I don't know why you're looking at me.

[1:59] I was not in Afghanistan.

Stuart Wellington

[2:02] I was looking at you so you could explain what this fucking podcast is about.

[2:05] Oh, sorry.

Dan McCoy

[2:06] This podcast is a podcast where we listen to a bad movie.

Elliott Kalan

[2:10] We listen to a bad movie and try to imagine what the pictures look like.

[2:13] It's called The Blind Cast.

[2:15] We like to pretend we're blind and see what it's like to be inside another person's perspective.

[2:19] Sure.

[2:20] Walk a mile in their shoes.

[2:22] Stuart, did you feel that your other senses became heightened to compensate for your lack of sight?

[2:26] Yes.

[2:26] What did the movie smell like?

Stuart Wellington

[2:28] It smelled-

[2:29] Well, it smelled like a lot of blood splatter.

Dan McCoy

[2:32] Uh-oh.

[2:33] And aftershave.

[2:34] Okay.

[2:34] What movie could this have been, then?

[2:36] We watched a bad movie to talk about it.

[2:38] We washed it all over the place.

Elliott Kalan

[2:40] We washed a bad movie because they are filthy.

[2:42] So it's a charity thing.

[2:44] So, Dan, in this podcast we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

Dan McCoy

[2:47] Yeah, and the movie we watched tonight was titled Olympus Has Fallen.

Elliott Kalan

[2:52] Oh, no.

[2:53] Does it have the medic alert bracelet?

[2:54] No.

[2:55] Can it contact a health professional to help it get up?

Dan McCoy

[2:57] I'll tell you what.

[2:58] It can get up.

[2:58] Good one, dude.

[2:59] Thank you.

[3:00] Because Gerard Butler is on the case.

Elliott Kalan

[3:02] Sam Worthington was not in this.

[3:03] No.

[3:04] Gremlin Battler is.

[3:06] Gerard Butler was in it.

[3:08] Yeah.

[3:09] Your own Gerhardt Bumler.

[3:12] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[3:13] Yeah, we watched the prequel to White House Down.

Elliott Kalan

[3:16] Jerry Bumstead.

[3:17] I wish it was a prequel in White House Down.

[3:19] They just kept going, again?

[3:21] Seriously?

[3:22] That was last week.

[3:23] Also, the two movies take place a week apart.

[3:25] And every once in a while, we've elected a new president in between times.

Stuart Wellington

[3:28] A really old Forrest Whitaker walks through the scene and throws a tray full of a tea set up.

[3:33] Yeah, the butler is there.

[3:34] And he goes up to Gerard Butler and he says, I'm a real butler.

[3:37] Yeah.

[3:38] They look at the camera and then my eyeballs explode out of my head and I die.

Elliott Kalan

[3:42] Yeah, from awesomeness.

[3:43] Yeah.

[3:44] So, Olympus has what, Dan?

[3:47] Fallen.

[3:47] Oh, no.

[3:48] Rated R.

[3:49] Is playing at right here.

[3:52] And it was awesome.

[3:54] I wonder if you're going to feel the same way later on.

[3:57] Wait, wait, wait.

[3:57] Let's talk about it a little more.

[3:58] So, this was one of the two White House taken by terrorists movies that came out recently.

[4:02] And the other one, White House Down, seemed like a lot of people surprisingly liked it.

[4:07] I haven't seen it yet, but they see it.

[4:08] So, it was very light in tone, very goofy and knowingly silly that it's such a ridiculous premise.

[4:13] This movie seemed to take the opposite tack of treating this terrorist takeover of the White House as if it actually happened.

Dan McCoy

[4:19] Yeah, this movie seemed like you took the West Wing, the television show, like took all the portent and pomp of the White House.

[4:29] There was so much.

[4:30] And then married it to a sub diehard action film.

Elliott Kalan

[4:34] The score alone, it's all like heavy drums and like sad trumpets and patriotic stirring themes.

[4:41] And you see a lot of waving American flags and you just want to like shake the director, Antoine Fuqua, and be like, you know this didn't actually happen, right?

[4:48] Like you're not making a movie about Guadalcanal.

[4:52] Like this is about a made-up hostage thing where you have one man on his own trying to fight terrorists in the White House.

[4:57] Like it's basically diehard in the White House and they thought they were making Saving Private Ryan.

Stuart Wellington

[5:02] Yeah, like there will be a scene where the president gets up to just walk into the other room and there's a huge music swell.

[5:09] And ten different people salute him, et cetera, et cetera.

[5:12] And the body count in the movie is enormous.

Elliott Kalan

[5:15] And they're never going to...

[5:16] They killed everyone in America in this movie, it seems like.

Stuart Wellington

[5:19] No one dies off screen.

[5:21] Everybody dies on screen.

Elliott Kalan

[5:23] You get to see so many people get bullets shot through their bodies and blood splatter.

Dan McCoy

[5:27] Like if a guy gets shot, the next scene you're like, oh, he just got shot in the torso.

[5:29] This movie had more bullets to the head than bullets to the head.

[5:33] Yeah, way more.

Stuart Wellington

[5:34] If a guy gets shot in the torso, the next shot will be...

[5:37] Him being shot in the head.

[5:38] Yeah, Gerard Butler walking up and just shooting him right in the face.

Dan McCoy

[5:41] Really casually.

[5:42] Like really like, oh, okay.

[5:44] I'm just walking out of the sky just to be sure.

[5:46] Boom.

Elliott Kalan

[5:46] Well, by the time he does that at the end, he's killed about 400 people.

[5:49] Yeah.

[5:49] And he's seen 1,000 people get killed.

Stuart Wellington

[5:51] But you're right.

[5:52] Bullet to the head.

[5:53] He's a labor of souls.

[5:53] Charon, the very men on the river sticks.

Elliott Kalan

[5:55] He believes he's collecting them for his dark master, Amerikon.

Dan McCoy

[6:00] Well, I mean, with every soul he kills, he gets more powerful.

[6:03] Yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[6:03] It's like the blade of a thousand whatevers.

[6:06] Okay.

[6:07] Now, should we...

[6:08] Dismiss him.

[6:09] Now, the plot of this movie is so stupid.

[6:11] Let's only go over it in the most basic of thingies.

Stuart Wellington

[6:14] First off, there's the first kid, and he needs to learn how to get out of the White House

[6:18] if he gets taken over by terrorists.

[6:19] Well, that happens later.

[6:21] Cut to Ashley Judd, who explodes.

Elliott Kalan

[6:24] I think you may be doing a little too much of a...

[6:27] That's a little too abbreviated.

[6:29] I'm not your army news.

[6:29] No, no.

[6:30] That's what we call a creative synopsis.

[6:32] So, Gerard Butler is a former U.S. Army Ranger who's now on the...

[6:36] He is a Secret Service agent protecting the president.

[6:39] Played by Aaron Eckhart.

[6:40] Played by Aaron Eckhart.

[6:41] And the first lady, Ashley Judd.

[6:42] Why did they let him protect the president?

[6:44] It was before he got facial reconstruction surgery, and he was okay again.

[6:47] Oh, okay.

[6:48] Now, we all read Dark Knight Returns.

[6:49] We know that he thinks that both sides of his face are destroyed now.

[6:52] Anyway, Aaron Eckhart.

[6:53] I guess you guys didn't read Dark Knight Returns?

[6:56] What's...

[6:56] I mean, I don't remember that part specifically.

[6:57] What were you doing in 1986 that was so important that you missed it?

Dan McCoy

[7:01] I mean, I have it on my shelf over there.

[7:02] I just don't remember, like, two faces.

[7:04] Okay, braggy.

[7:04] You don't need to brag about your comic book collection.

Elliott Kalan

[7:06] Anyway, so, Aaron Eckhart's the president.

[7:09] I'm just surprised they let a tobacco lobbyist become the president.

[7:12] But, you know.

Dan McCoy

[7:13] And a guy who treated that deaf girl so poorly.

Elliott Kalan

[7:16] Yeah, but I guess he's a veteran of the Battle LA.

[7:19] Yep.

[7:20] Anyway.

[7:20] Yeah, well, that was a movie!

Dan McCoy

[7:23] He also saved the earth by going to the core and restarting it.

[7:26] He was in that.

[7:27] Movies!

[7:28] Wow, he's made a lot of crap.

Elliott Kalan

[7:30] Yeah, I think we were saying this earlier.

[7:32] For a good actor, he's made a lot of garbage.

[7:34] Yeah.

[7:34] He's like, he's made...

[7:36] He's usually, for a good actor to make that many crappy movies, they have to be British.

[7:39] Yeah.

[7:40] And just be like, whatever.

[7:41] It's a paycheck.

[7:42] I'll do Shakespeare on the stage, and I'll do this movie where I play an alien with brow

[7:45] ridges.

Stuart Wellington

[7:46] I'll be an air elemental in Chronicles of Riddick.

Dan McCoy

[7:48] So, you need me to lend gravitas to whatever bullshit you're putting on screen?

[7:53] Sure.

[7:54] Sure, pay me.

[7:54] I'll do it.

Stuart Wellington

[7:55] Just make it out to Derek Jacoby.

Elliott Kalan

[7:59] Make it out to D-Jax.

[8:01] That's my rap name.

[8:03] I'm only doing this role so I can get the money I need to produce my first album.

[8:08] Album.

[8:08] That's how they pronounce it, because it's so classy.

[8:10] It's made out of albumin.

[8:13] Egg whites.

[8:13] Yes.

[8:14] It's healthier that way.

[8:16] Okay, so Aaron Eckhart's the president.

[8:18] Ashley Judd's the first lady.

[8:19] They're at Camp David, and they're about to go to a Christmas party.

[8:21] They're in the motorcade.

[8:22] A tree branch falls.

[8:23] It's snowing.

[8:24] They slip on ice, and the car with the president and the first lady in it goes halfway off a bridge.

[8:30] Oh, no!

[8:31] Now, the first lady is conked in the head.

[8:33] There's blood pouring out of her nose, and Gerard Butler makes a split-second decision.

[8:38] I'm going to save the president's life and try to come back for the first lady.

[8:41] He's too late.

[8:41] He saves the president.

[8:42] The car slips off the bridge.

[8:43] The first lady dies.

[8:44] Olympus has fallen.

[8:46] No.

[8:46] That's not what that means.

[8:47] That's a rap for Ashley Judd on Olympus Has Fallen, everybody.

[8:50] Everybody applauds.

[8:51] She gets her paycheck.

[8:52] She walks out.

[8:53] Thinks about running for Senate against Mitch McConnell.

[8:56] Decides not to.

[8:57] What are you going to do?

[8:58] Instead, she'll probably show her boobs in a movie or something.

[9:00] Eighteen months later, Gerard Butler's character, Banning, is now working at the Treasury Department.

[9:05] Bruce Banning?

[9:06] Because the president no longer wants to see the man who let his wife die every day.

[9:10] He doesn't like it.

[9:12] But there's a meeting between the president and the South Korean prime minister.

[9:16] But during it, there's a terrorist attack.

[9:18] It turns out everybody in the South Korean prime minister's entourage except him is a North Korean terrorist.

[9:24] So all the guys with ponytails and suits are bad guys?

[9:27] That's weird.

[9:28] Yeah, exactly.

[9:29] And with the help of Dylan McDermott, an ex-Secret Service agent turned contractor of some kind,

[9:34] they use a plane to basically blow up Washington, D.C. and kill everybody in the White House except the president, the vice president, and a couple of secretaries.

[9:43] Wait a minute.

Dan McCoy

[9:43] Dylan McDermott is playing a bad guy in this movie?

[9:47] He seems so, I don't know, non-sleazy, non-greasy, like a pleasant fellow.

[9:52] His lack of shaving.

[9:54] Trustworthy.

Elliott Kalan

[9:54] Lazy smoking.

[9:56] This is a little problem that I like to call the Von Sydow complex, where a movie...

[10:01] That's also your paperback.

[10:03] It's also part of my Jack Treacher series of spy novels.

[10:08] It's about Arthur Treacher's brother, who's also Jack Reacher's brother.

[10:13] So it's the Von Sydow complex, a Jack Treacher mystery thriller spy novel.

[10:19] It's part of a series of mystery thriller spy novels.

[10:21] But anyway, in Minority Report, Max von Sydow plays like the president or the secretary of state or something.

[10:27] I don't know.

[10:27] The minute you see him, it's supposed to be a surprise that he's the bad guy.

[10:30] But the minute you see him, you're like, oh, Max von Sydow's in this?

[10:33] He must be the bad guy.

[10:35] He's always the bad guy.

[10:36] Well, this, I mean, this reminds me of...

[10:37] The devil from Needful Things is in this?

[10:39] I guess he's the bad guy.

Dan McCoy

[10:40] This reminds me of a story about our co-worker and also occasional Flophouse guest host, Jubin Parang.

[10:48] Uh-huh.

[10:49] When he and I had to write questions about White House Down, the other White House taken by terrorist movie.

[10:58] Because who was our guest?

[10:59] Jamie Foxx or something?

[11:00] Yeah, I think so.

[11:01] Or the White House was probably our guest.

[11:03] And Jubin was looking over the cast list and he saw that James Woods played the secretary of state.

[11:10] And he's like, I bet James Woods is the bad guy in this movie.

[11:12] And he's totally right there.

[11:14] He was right.

[11:14] He went and asked me.

[11:15] He was right.

Elliott Kalan

[11:17] Just looking at the cast list.

[11:19] There's certain actors who are so good at the role of the turncoat that you shouldn't cast them.

[11:24] Because you know that the turncoat...

[11:25] It's like in Iron Man 3, is it Miguel Ferrer has like three seconds of screen time as the vice president?

[11:31] And you know he's the bad guy.

[11:33] Yeah.

[11:33] Because it's Miguel Ferrer.

[11:34] Like Tom Hanks the fucking bad guy.

[11:36] Yeah, because Tom Hanks is going to take this tiny role in Iron Man 3.

[11:39] Come on, Dan.

[11:40] Yeah, he's a huge star, bro.

[11:41] Come on, bro.

[11:42] Or get like an actor that's good that no one's seen before.

[11:45] Yeah.

[11:45] But there are certain actors...

[11:47] Channing Tatum, etc.

[11:48] To a lesser extent...

[11:49] But someone who's pleasant.

[11:50] Someone who does not exude its evil.

[11:51] Like Michael Shannon.

[11:53] All right.

[11:54] Yeah, you know, like Michael Shannon.

[11:55] Or like, you know, Robert Anglund.

[11:59] You know, someone who's all peaches and cream cuddliness.

[12:01] You know, like Danny Trejo.

Dan McCoy

[12:04] Michael Ruger.

[12:06] You know, like Michael Ironside.

[12:07] Lance Henriksen.

Stuart Wellington

[12:12] A Peter Weller type.

Elliott Kalan

[12:13] You know, that actor with the pointy head that plays monsters sometimes.

Stuart Wellington

[12:16] Start drinking the darkness, he's the bad guy.

[12:17] Spoiler alert.

[12:19] Watch it on in demand.

[12:20] It's like five bucks.

[12:22] Who cares?

Elliott Kalan

[12:24] You know, a guy who never gets the villain.

[12:26] Like Gunnar Hansen.

[12:29] Anyway.

[12:30] So the...

[12:31] Where was I?

[12:33] Oh, to a lesser extent, it's what I call the Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy Complex.

[12:37] Yeah.

[12:38] Which is a...

[12:38] Was a Jack Treacher novel until I was sued by John Le Carre.

[12:42] Where you know who the mole is because it's the only big name actor in the cast.

[12:46] This is different.

[12:47] It's an actor you know has kind of...

[12:48] He plays sleazy characters.

[12:50] So you know he's the bad guy.

[12:51] But anyway.

[12:52] They...

[12:53] A North Korean terrorist named Kang.

[12:55] Who apparently has been...

[12:56] Not Krang.

Dan McCoy

[12:57] Which we thought was his name.

[12:59] So he's not ejaculating and peeing on someone.

[13:01] Wait, what?

[13:02] It's weird that your mind goes there for Krang.

[13:05] Oh, that thing I looked at.

[13:06] That your image of Krang is so destroyed by that one picture.

[13:08] I mean, that's what...

[13:09] I mean, in Flophouse mythology, that's where he exists.

[13:12] I mean, come on, guys.

Elliott Kalan

[13:14] He's forever positioned as...

[13:17] He's continuing to write cease and desist letters.

[13:20] It's hard to shake that pigeonholing as the double P Krang.

[13:23] Oh, you're the double P guy.

[13:25] I have such range.

[13:26] I can play any sort of brain in the thorax.

[13:29] Not just a peeing one.

[13:31] Apparently, he also plays Sean Connery in Zardoz.

[13:33] Yeah, well, Sean Connery was originally going to play Krang.

[13:36] Oh, okay.

[13:37] I'm the Krang now, dog.

Dan McCoy

[13:38] That's what he said.

Elliott Kalan

[13:39] Who's the brain in a robot's torso now, dog?

[13:42] The name is Aang.

[13:44] Kr-Aang.

[13:48] Anyway, so...

[13:49] Kang, not Krang.

[13:51] He is Kang, the time-traveling warlord from the 31st century or whatever.

[13:55] Not Krang, the brain.

[13:57] Kang is...

[13:58] Has apparently been this amazing terrorist mastermind

[14:01] who's also part of the South Korean government.

[14:03] And there's an amazing moment later on where his identity is revealed.

[14:06] And a guy who's working with the Speaker of the House, Morgan Freeman,

[14:10] who is standing in for the acting president

[14:12] because they don't know what's happening to the president.

[14:13] By the way, Morgan Freeman,

Dan McCoy

[14:14] who I jokingly said was going to be in this movie

[14:17] because I saw Ashley Judd earlier in this movie.

[14:18] And then he showed up.

[14:20] Because one can't...

[14:21] Package deal, dude.

[14:22] Yeah, it's like the two Corys.

[14:23] Like, they have it in their contract.

[14:24] They gotta work together.

Stuart Wellington

[14:25] It's like that movie where you wear the...

[14:27] By the way, I would love to see a two Corys-style movie

[14:29] with Ashley Judd.

[14:31] Like a remake of License to Drive or something like that?

Elliott Kalan

[14:35] South Beach Academy.

[14:37] With Morgan Freeman and Ashley Judd.

[14:39] No way!

[14:40] We gotta get this volleyball team up and running.

[14:42] Boobs out, everybody.

[14:45] There's just two college students on the make.

[14:48] One of them's a middle-aged lady.

[14:50] The other's an old man.

Dan McCoy

[14:52] Guys, I don't think you can play these parts anymore.

[14:55] I'm not sure you could ever play these parts.

[14:56] We're playing these parts.

Elliott Kalan

[14:57] These are the parts Ashley and I were born to play.

[15:00] The penguins marched across...

[15:02] No, again, we're in a meeting.

[15:03] We're in a pitch meeting.

[15:04] You don't talk about penguins.

Dan McCoy

[15:06] It's like Morgan Freeman and Hannibal Lecter.

Elliott Kalan

[15:09] Well, that's when he auditioned for the role, yeah.

[15:12] They said he wasn't creepy enough.

Dan McCoy

[15:13] Is the lamb screaming still, Clarice?

[15:17] Andy Dufresne made the lamb scream, right?

[15:20] Yeah, Stuart, now you have to do an impression.

Stuart Wellington

[15:21] Oh, hello, I'm Werner Herzog.

[15:23] Yummy.

[15:24] Perfect.

Dan McCoy

[15:25] A plus.

[15:26] A plus for effort.

[15:27] Plus.

Elliott Kalan

[15:28] Okay.

[15:28] And accuracy.

[15:30] All right, so there's a great moment where the guy who's assisting the president goes,

[15:34] this guy, Kang, he's the biggest terrorist ever.

[15:36] He did all these other bombings.

[15:38] No one's ever photographed him or identified him.

[15:40] Like, wait, how do you know he did it?

[15:42] He tells his whole fucking live story.

[15:43] Yeah, they go, no one ever thought to look in the South Korean government.

[15:46] Well, okay, you know what?

[15:47] That's fair that no one thought to look there for a terrorist.

[15:50] But anyway, so let's cut through this crap.

[15:53] They take over the White House.

[15:54] It's a long action scene when they take over the White House.

[15:57] A lot of shooting.

[15:58] It goes on a long time.

[15:59] You fall asleep and you wake up and the shooting is still going on and you fall asleep again.

Dan McCoy

[16:02] It's the fallacy of most modern action movies, which is just you shooting a bunch of automatic weapons for a long time is going to be exciting.

Elliott Kalan

[16:08] And like with many fallacies, they think size is what's most important.

[16:12] It's not the size of the gun battle.

[16:13] It's how you use it in your movie.

[16:15] Let me talk about a little movie called...

Dan McCoy

[16:16] If you really care about the people involved.

[16:18] A little movie called Old Boy.

[16:20] Or if you do a weird thing with it.

Elliott Kalan

[16:21] In Old Boy, you do.

[16:23] Like shooting in the butt.

[16:25] Something that gets their attention.

Stuart Wellington

[16:27] Or you just wiggle it in somebody's face for five minutes.

Elliott Kalan

[16:30] Just baffle them, I guess.

[16:31] Yeah, yeah.

[16:32] But let's take it like a movie like Old Boy.

[16:33] There's a horizon.

[16:34] I think everyone will agree the most brilliant scene is the side-scrolling fight in the hallway all in one shot with a hammer.

[16:41] If I didn't say that, I'd be lying.

[16:42] Yeah, it's like three and a half minutes.

[16:44] It's a group of guys, one with a hammer and the other with sticks.

[16:47] And they just hit each other and it's an amazing scene.

Dan McCoy

[16:50] Old Boy is like, if I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning.

[16:53] Into your head.

[16:54] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[16:55] Then I'd hammer in the evening into your kneecap.

[16:58] All over this you.

[16:59] Come on.

[17:00] Kneecap.

[17:01] Elliot.

[17:02] God, Dan.

[17:03] Other people have kneecaps.

[17:05] You're not the only one who has one.

[17:07] Anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[17:07] How are the kneecaps in this movie, Dan?

Elliott Kalan

[17:09] Do anybody get shot in them?

[17:10] No, I don't think so.

[17:11] I don't think so.

[17:11] Everybody get shot in the face.

[17:12] Mostly headshots.

[17:13] I'm fine with that.

[17:14] The front of the head, the side of the head, the back of the head.

Dan McCoy

[17:16] If anyone get shot in the head, perfect.

[17:18] Sure.

[17:18] A+.

[17:19] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[17:19] So, but they...

[17:21] We suggested watching the movie Bullet to the Knee, but Dan said...

[17:23] He said, no.

[17:24] No, thank you.

[17:25] It's still too soon.

Elliott Kalan

[17:25] This is my one veto of the year.

[17:29] He usually uses veto to veto when a contest winner chooses the movie we're going to watch.

[17:35] So, there's this long sequence of them trying...

[17:38] The action scenes are just too long.

[17:40] And let me just say this before I forget about it.

[17:43] The special effects in this movie...

[17:44] Are not very special.

[17:45] Amazing.

[17:45] They reach a new height of crappiness.

[17:48] It's like...

[17:48] I have seen better special effects in the cut scenes for like Command and Conquer Tiberian Sun.

[17:55] Like, where it's like just some dude in front of a green screen and there's a CGI explosion behind him, you know.

[18:00] This is...

[18:01] These are some of the worst computer effects I think I've seen in years.

Stuart Wellington

[18:03] When the giant airplane was flying around blowing up the Washington Monument, I totally assumed that like a sharktopus was going to come flying out of there.

Dan McCoy

[18:11] Yeah, I mean like let's take a moment to appreciate the most hilarious scene in the film, which is the giant...

[18:17] Like the...

[18:19] It was like a cargo plane crashing into the Washington Monument and just chunks of the Washington Monument crushing people running away on the ground.

Elliott Kalan

[18:28] But it looks so fake and so bad.

[18:30] The fakest scene for me is there's a part where Gerard Butler uses a rocket launcher to blow up some kind of computer Hydra gun that's shooting down Apache helicopters.

[18:40] And he then like it explodes and he has to...

[18:42] He falls backwards through a hole in the roof and it looks like he literally sat in a chair.

[18:46] Yeah.

[18:47] Went, ah!

[18:48] And then they just, using like MS paint, just erased the background and drew in like a stick figure drawing of a room behind him.

[18:56] It's terrible.

Dan McCoy

[18:57] It's like the reverse version of that scene in Die Hard 2 where John McClane like shoots up toward the camera and then falls back down.

[19:05] It's like the boring version of that.

Stuart Wellington

[19:06] At least that was awesome and William Sadler was in that movie.

Elliott Kalan

[19:08] Yeah.

[19:09] Yeah.

[19:09] It's two things this doesn't have.

[19:11] Anyway, so everyone gets killed.

[19:13] Gerard Butler is the only one left inside because it's Die Hard in the White House.

[19:17] And he's got to save the president before they give in to the terrorist demands which are he's going to kill the president unless the president removes all armed forces from the Korean Peninsula which is crazy.

[19:30] And he wants to reunite the Koreas.

[19:32] But I have to believe that even the president's life is considered somewhat expendable when it comes to I guess…

[19:38] World policy.

[19:39] Basically saying like, oh yeah, the Korean War, we ended that now.

[19:41] Or like any military policy.

[19:44] But anyway, he also has a secret plan.

[19:46] There's something called the Cerberus, a fail-safe device that will self-detonate any U.S. nuclear missile in the country.

[19:53] So wait, it's not a multi-headed dog.

[19:54] No, sadly it's not.

[19:56] And there wasn't the moment that Stuart and I both wanted where it is a multi-headed dog and it sees Gerard Butler and then gives him a nod of understanding and acceptance because they're one of a kind.

[20:04] Beasts that serve not themselves but a master.

[20:07] A harsh master but a just master.

[20:09] In Gerard Butler's case, Hades.

[20:12] In Gerard Butler's case, Aaron Eckhart.

[20:15] A harsh master indeed.

[20:16] And anyway, meanwhile, Morgan Freeman is kind of like dithering around in the war room while Robert Forster, who's the head of the army, yells at him.

[20:25] And the Cerberus Code…

[20:26] The Wars Robert Forster?

[20:27] Yes, yes.

[20:28] He's best known for as Roland as the mystic guy who would show up and solve a problem instead of just saving the day himself, Robert Forster.

[20:36] The Wars.

[20:37] I think it's available on Watch instantly.

[20:39] Check that out.

Stuart Wellington

[20:40] Put that in your queue and hit the button that lets it play.

Elliott Kalan

[20:42] Put that in your queue and smoke it.

[20:44] There's a couple different…

[20:45] Stuff that up your queue hole.

[20:46] There's a couple different scenes where there are three codes.

[20:49] The president has one.

[20:51] The secretary of, I don't know, the Navy or something.

[20:53] The secretary of defense or something has one.

[20:54] And the secretary of something else, played by Melissa Leo, has one.

[20:57] And the president will watch as Kang beats up the person.

[21:02] And then finally the president will go, okay, give him the code.

[21:04] Give him the code.

[21:05] And in both…

[21:05] One time they almost cut the guy's neck.

[21:08] And then they just beat the crap out of Melissa Leo.

[21:10] They're just punching her all over.

Stuart Wellington

[21:11] And they're like, if you're just going to give it up, why do you let them beat her up so much, man?

Elliott Kalan

[21:14] You hear she turn to the president and be like, yeah.

[21:16] Thanks.

[21:17] Thanks for giving him the code now.

[21:19] But even then, like those people…

[21:21] It's one of those things where it's like…

Dan McCoy

[21:22] It's either like don't let them beat them up at all or let them beat them to death and not give them the code.

Elliott Kalan

[21:27] And don't give them control of America's nuclear weapons.

[21:29] Yeah.

[21:29] But anyway, Banning is running…

[21:31] Gerard Butler, Brent Branning, is running around the White House.

[21:35] Their secret…

Dan McCoy

[21:36] Their secret…

[21:37] Oh, Brent Branning, super secret service agent.

Elliott Kalan

[21:40] At one point he catches that kid and lets him go.

[21:43] Yeah.

[21:43] It's a catch and release program for first kids.

[21:45] He finds the president's son, the first kid, starring Sinbad, and saves him and lets him leave the White House.

[21:52] He's creeping around in secret passageways in the White House where they store, you know, like FDR's gold and stuff.

[21:58] And he isn't able to stop them from launching helicopters at the White House that get shot down eventually.

Dan McCoy

[22:04] Now, Elliot, what about the first daughter played by Katie Holmes?

[22:07] Does she get to date who she wants to date?

[22:08] She's actually not in this movie.

[22:10] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[22:10] Now, okay, Kang, he gets his communications with the outside…

[22:14] Who knows that movie?

[22:15] What is that?

[22:16] American President?

[22:17] It's called like First Daughter, right?

Dan McCoy

[22:18] Yeah, something like that.

[22:19] There were actually like two First Daughter movies that came out.

[22:21] There was one with…

[22:22] What's her name?

Elliott Kalan

[22:24] Mindy something?

[22:26] Kaling?

[22:27] No.

[22:28] Mandy Moore.

[22:29] Mandy Moore.

[22:30] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[22:30] But I think the first Daughter one with Katie Holmes had Michael Keaton in it.

[22:36] Yeah, you're right.

[22:37] During Michael Keaton's like weirdly self-imposed, I feel like, period in the wilderness.

Elliott Kalan

[22:42] I think, considering it came after Jack Frost, I think it was not self-imposed.

[22:46] I mean, all right.

[22:47] It was after the bomb movie in which he was a jazz musician whose soul went into a snowman.

[22:51] Okay.

[22:52] I don't think this was a self-imposed exile.

Dan McCoy

[22:53] I feel like the man could…

[22:54] Like, he had been in some huge movies.

[22:56] He could have made a few better.

[22:57] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[22:57] He was one of the best, biggest movie stars on the planet.

[22:59] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[23:00] No.

[23:00] And also…

[23:01] He was Batman.

[23:01] He was fucking Batman, bro.

[23:02] He was fucking Batman.

[23:03] He was Mr. Mom.

[23:04] He wasn't the one who sold those movies.

[23:05] He was Batman.

[23:05] Batman sold those movies.

[23:06] He was Beetlejuice.

[23:07] I think it was the one-two punch of multiplicity and Jack Frost that could kill any career.

[23:11] Mm-hmm.

[23:11] It could kill Tom Hanks' career.

[23:13] It could kill Humphrey Bogart's career.

[23:15] If Humphrey Bogart was in multiplicity and then Jack Frost, he would never make a movie again.

[23:20] I would love to see Humphrey Bogart in multiplicity.

[23:22] He would drive a step through his vampire heart.

Dan McCoy

[23:23] There's all these clones of me.

[23:25] The stupid clone in multiplicity.

[23:28] Just Humphrey Bogart.

Elliott Kalan

[23:29] Call him Doug.

[23:30] Humphrey Bogart trying to put a slice of pizza into a wallet.

[23:34] I've told this story before of my attending the New York premiere of multiplicity as a kid, right?

[23:38] Yeah, but it bears repeating.

[23:39] Well, let's just say, well, the producer of it, a guy who was, at the time, I think, head of Columbia TriStar,

[23:44] was one of my dad's good friends from college.

[23:46] I think they were roommates.

[23:47] And this was the movie that was premiering in New York, so we went to the premiere of multiplicity.

[23:52] We sat near, what's his name?

[23:55] Al Franken.

[23:56] And then at the party efforts, which was on the floor of the New York Stock Exchange,

[23:59] because that was tied to the movie, not at all,

[24:02] that was when my brother met Harold Ramis, asked him what other movies he made besides Ghostbusters.

[24:07] Harold Ramis says I made Stewart Save His Family.

[24:09] You mean I have a writer?

[24:10] No, it was Harold Ramis.

[24:11] Oh, was it?

[24:11] Yeah, yeah.

[24:12] Okay.

[24:12] And my brother responded, that bomb?

[24:17] And Harold Ramis pretended to choke him.

[24:20] So that's my Harold Ramis story of my brother offending him.

[24:23] Anyway, so let's...

Stuart Wellington

[24:24] His brother is a charmer.

Elliott Kalan

[24:27] Yeah, he's single, ladies.

[24:29] Anyway, there's a reason...

[24:31] He's in...

[24:32] You like sports facts and letters.

[24:34] And insulting Harold Ramis.

[24:36] So there's a reason Michael Keaton was in the wilderness for a while.

[24:39] All right.

[24:40] It's not like he was like, you know what, the world's seen enough of the Keat.

[24:43] I better reserve my power.

Stuart Wellington

[24:45] Yeah, he went off to live in like a crazy kung fu temple somewhere.

[24:48] I'm too beautiful for this mortal plane.

[24:50] Me and the elves are going to leave Middle Earth for the golden lands.

Elliott Kalan

[24:54] It's the great heavens.

[24:55] Oh, great heavens.

[24:56] Whatever, I don't care.

[24:56] Come on, dude.

[24:58] I can't...

[24:58] Look, I got so much real history in my head, I can't remember where the elves went to.

Stuart Wellington

[25:02] You could cross the Rainbow Bridge to Valhalla.

Elliott Kalan

[25:04] Yeah, yeah.

[25:04] It's like fucking Avalon for...

[25:06] The Rainbow Bridge goes to Asgard.

[25:07] The Rainbow Bridge goes to Asgard.

[25:08] Don't worry about it.

[25:09] No, yeah, Valhalla.

[25:10] I guess that's in Asgard, right?

[25:11] Probably.

[25:11] Valhalla's like the district of Asgard that the Asgardians don't go to too much?

[25:15] Because it's just super rowdy?

[25:18] Probably, yeah.

[25:18] They're going to gentrify it eventually.

Stuart Wellington

[25:20] I don't believe in any of that shit.

Elliott Kalan

[25:23] Yeah, anyway.

[25:24] So moving on.

[25:25] So Kang's communications get cut off by Gerard Butler and the...

[25:30] Sorry, I meant to say Butler, but it came out wrong.

[25:32] But that was not a deliberate mispronunciation.

[25:36] So Kang has a new plan.

[25:37] He's going to fake letting Melissa Leo go and then kill her in front of the world's press.

Stuart Wellington

[25:42] And you did forget, before this point, I think we had the lifted directly out of Die Hard...

Elliott Kalan

[25:48] No, that happens after this.

[25:49] Oh, okay.

[25:50] So, but Gerard Butler destroys that plan by killing a bunch of Kang's guys.

[25:55] Kang's on the run, so then it's up to plan B.

[25:57] Kang and his men are going to escape disguised as hostages.

[26:01] Because we've never seen that before, only in, I think, every movie ever.

Stuart Wellington

[26:06] It's got to be in basic training at this point.

[26:08] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[26:09] I mean, I do feel like that was not...

Stuart Wellington

[26:11] Like sniper training is, like, just shoot their hoods off.

Dan McCoy

[26:16] Shoot off disguises.

[26:18] That was novel when I saw it in QuickTime, but QuickTime is...

[26:21] QuickChange.

[26:22] QuickChange, Dan, is a video program.

Elliott Kalan

[26:25] You downloaded and watched it as a QuickTime video.

Dan McCoy

[26:28] Yeah, that's how we watch it.

Elliott Kalan

[26:29] When I watch QuickChange in QuickTime.

[26:31] Just like my favorite movie, Netflix.

[26:35] It's different every time.

[26:37] My other favorite movie, Mac Video Player.

[26:40] Windows Media Player.

[26:41] Windows Media Player.

[26:43] I love that movie, Windows Media Player.

[26:45] It's weird.

[26:46] Sometimes when I watch it, it's like an episode of The Simpsons, and sometimes it's a porno.

[26:50] I don't understand.

[26:51] It's like, I'm confused, but still entertain.

[26:55] Well, Dan, YouTube is basically a channel now.

[26:58] What?

[26:59] Tell me about it.

[26:59] Digital is the future of media, Dan.

[27:01] New media.

[27:02] Let's get into it.

[27:04] It's time for our new media roundtable.

[27:05] Let's take a call.

Dan McCoy

[27:05] Let's take a call.

[27:06] Stuart, you're on the line?

Stuart Wellington

[27:08] So, when I turn on my computer and put on the YouTube, where's all the naked ladies?

Elliott Kalan

[27:13] Great question.

[27:14] Number one, it's just called YouTube, not the YouTube.

[27:16] Number two, type in naked ladies.

[27:18] If that doesn't help, I don't know what to tell you.

[27:20] Maybe you want to try Dailymotion.

Dan McCoy

[27:23] Okay.

[27:23] All right, now on the line, we've got Stuart, also from New York.

[27:27] Stuart, do you have a question?

Stuart Wellington

[27:28] So, how do I get to that other thing where I can see the naked babes?

[27:32] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[27:32] You know what?

[27:33] Just type naked babes into Google.

[27:34] I think you'll find what you're looking for.

[27:35] What's Google?

[27:36] Oh, boy.

Stuart Wellington

[27:38] Here we go again.

[27:39] Just kidding, folks.

[27:40] I know all about Google.

Elliott Kalan

[27:41] So, Ellie, you were talking about stuff.

[27:43] And how to find naked babes on the internet.

[27:44] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[27:45] So, anyway, the hostages walk out with the hostage takers.

[27:48] They're all wearing hoods.

[27:49] They get in a rescue helicopter, and then the helicopter explodes.

[27:53] Mission accomplished.

[27:55] The end.

[27:56] Everyone thinks the president is in there, but he wasn't.

[27:59] Kang and Aaron Eckhart have faked their own deaths.

[28:02] Actually, Kang faked their deaths.

[28:04] It's not like Aaron Eckhart was in on it.

[28:05] He's like, yeah, whatever.

Dan McCoy

[28:06] I'm sick of being president.

Elliott Kalan

[28:08] There's a lot of pressure.

[28:10] I want to go back to my original life as a poet in France.

[28:16] Now, that's what Jim Morrison did.

[28:17] Anyway, so, Kang faked their deaths so that they can escape.

[28:22] He sets off Cerberus, and he says, I'm not going to launch the missiles.

[28:26] I'm just going to blow them up in their silos, turning America into a nuclear wasteland.

[28:30] Which I immediately got excited, because that would be a great movie, right?

[28:33] Yeah.

[28:33] Road Warrior mutants and shit.

[28:35] Yeah.

[28:36] It'd been in America this time.

Stuart Wellington

[28:37] That's okay.

[28:38] It doesn't have to be in Australia every time.

Elliott Kalan

[28:40] Yeah, it could be in America this time.

[28:43] Mutant kangaroos.

[28:44] Why would they be kangaroos?

[28:45] Tank girl and shit.

Stuart Wellington

[28:46] That's Australia again.

[28:49] Wait, what?

Elliott Kalan

[28:50] Yeah.

[28:50] They would be mutant bears banging tank girls.

[28:53] Okay.

[28:53] We have bears in this country.

Stuart Wellington

[28:54] But we could still have tank girls and et cetera.

Elliott Kalan

[28:56] Of course.

Stuart Wellington

[28:56] We have tanks and girls.

[28:57] Let's put them together.

Dan McCoy

[28:58] Why not?

[28:59] And we've got Lori Petty's, so whatever.

[29:01] Well, we have a Lori Petty.

[29:02] National treasure.

[29:03] Still?

Elliott Kalan

[29:04] We haven't gotten rid of that yet?

Stuart Wellington

[29:06] Wasn't she like a million years old and leaving her own?

[29:09] No.

[29:09] No, she was not.

Elliott Kalan

[29:10] No, she was the grandma at the end.

[29:12] No.

Stuart Wellington

[29:13] She got really old, right?

[29:14] She was the cute young one.

Elliott Kalan

[29:15] No, it's true.

[29:16] They actually aged her with the time machine so she could play the old version of herself.

[29:20] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[29:20] They had her drink from that weird cup from Last Crusade.

Elliott Kalan

[29:23] They said, now you're going to have to choose poorly for this role.

[29:26] Are you comfortable with that?

Dan McCoy

[29:26] They got Rick Moranis from Honey, I Blew Up the Kid to fucking make an age ray to age

[29:33] up Lori Petty.

Elliott Kalan

[29:34] It's interesting that that's where you go to your mad scientist.

[29:37] Not just Rick Moranis' character, but from Honey, I Blew Up the Kid, the sequel.

Dan McCoy

[29:40] Well, Honey, I Shrunk the Kid, Rick Moranis, has too much integrity to do this.

[29:44] What about the directivity?

Stuart Wellington

[29:45] Yeah?

[29:46] Stuart Gordon was involved with that.

[29:47] Really?

[29:48] How so?

[29:49] He wrote the original script.

[29:51] For Honey, I Blew Up the Kid?

[29:52] No, Honey, I Shrunk the Kid, not Blew Up the Kid.

[29:54] That's bullshit.

Elliott Kalan

[29:55] That explains why in the original script for Honey, I Shrunk the Kid, there was this weird

[29:58] greasy S&M monster.

[30:00] Yeah.

[30:00] And Jeffrey Combs is written into it.

Dan McCoy

[30:02] Yeah, there was this scene where that severed head of a giant ant gave head to the other

[30:07] person.

[30:08] Dan, not cool.

[30:09] You mean Barbara Crampton.

[30:10] Not cool.

[30:11] Yeah.

[30:11] You always go for the gross scene.

[30:13] Yeah.

[30:14] That's the scene everyone remembers from Reanimator, right?

Elliott Kalan

[30:18] I guess.

[30:19] I remember the reanimating.

[30:21] Mm-hmm.

[30:22] I remember-

[30:23] I'm in it for the reanimating.

[30:25] I'm in it for the animating and the reanimating.

[30:28] Okay.

[30:28] Let's finish up this stupid movie, all right?

[30:30] Now, I didn't even mention the part where Gerard Butler discovers Dylan McDermott is the

[30:34] turncoat.

[30:34] Yeah.

[30:34] And the most diehardy diehard of all the diehards.

[30:37] Because it doesn't matter.

[30:38] There's no reason for it.

[30:39] So Gerard Butler catches up with Kang and Kodos, which is what I'm calling the president now.

[30:44] Sure.

[30:44] And Kodos gets shot.

[30:47] And Gerard Butler's like, oh, no, I'll save you.

[30:50] But then he has to fight Kang.

[30:51] And Kang's totally winning for a second until the president says, you can do it.

[30:55] And then he wins.

[30:56] And then Gerard Butler wins.

[30:57] Yeah.

[30:57] And Gerard Butler's like, okay, we'll get you out of here, Mr. President.

[31:00] Not noticing the beep, beep, beep, and the giant countdown clock that's down the hall.

[31:06] And then the president's like, no, no, you got to turn off Cerberus.

[31:09] So he goes and he gets the code and he turns Cerberus off with three seconds left.

[31:12] Yeah, it's really exciting.

[31:13] And he and the president walk out.

[31:16] Everyone applauds.

[31:17] He and the president walk out.

[31:18] And the president gives a speech as if about how America has been brought to its knees.

[31:23] But now we have an opportunity to be reborn.

[31:25] And it's like, dude, all that really we have to do now is fix the White House and the Washington

[31:30] Monument and give funerals to the people who died.

[31:32] Like there was no major.

[31:34] Mass burial.

[31:34] This was as far from a major crisis of conscience for the United States as possible.

[31:40] Mass burial.

[31:41] So he's going to use a bulldozer to push all those secret service.

[31:43] Throw them into the sun or something.

[31:45] Who cares?

[31:46] Throw them into the sun.

Dan McCoy

[31:48] This is a Kryptonian burial.

[31:50] Just get a really big slingshot.

Elliott Kalan

[31:53] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[31:54] But I just can't overstate.

Stuart Wellington

[31:55] Maybe in death, terrorists and Secret Service guys could become brothers.

Elliott Kalan

[31:59] Could I?

[32:00] I can't overstate how seriously this movie took itself.

[32:03] And how, like, I think you could probably make a fun movie with the same exact script.

[32:07] Which they possibly did with the-

[32:09] With White House Down.

[32:10] With White House Down.

Elliott Kalan

[32:10] We haven't seen yet.

[32:10] The same exact script just directed the way that, like, I don't know, like Shane Black would direct it.

Stuart Wellington

[32:15] Even the title is more, like, is more snooty and serious.

[32:19] Yeah.

[32:19] Olympus has fallen as opposed to White House Down.

Elliott Kalan

[32:21] Yeah.

[32:21] Also, we learned that everything in the White House is named after a Greek mythology thing.

[32:26] There's Olympus.

[32:27] There's Cerberus.

[32:28] There's a-

[32:30] Polyphemus.

[32:30] Automated gun named Hydra.

[32:32] The president calls his dick Polyphemus because there's one eye.

Stuart Wellington

[32:35] Oh, I get that.

[32:37] And it's a son of Poseidon.

Dan McCoy

[32:39] But also, like, this movie is so, uh, rote, too, like-

[32:46] Yeah, someone wrote it.

[32:47] That's why the screenwriters were-

[32:49] That's a really good point.

[32:50] I would like to draw attention to one moment in the movie which I feel like represents-

[32:55] Encapsulates?

[32:56] The whole film's lack of interest in giving anyone any interesting motivation for anything.

[33:02] Okay.

[33:03] Which is when Dylan McDermott is revealed as the bad guy and Aaron Eckhart's like, you betrayed me.

[33:11] And Dylan McDermott's like, you betrayed us already with your globalization and-

[33:17] And your Wall Street.

[33:18] Your Wall Street.

[33:19] It's like, you just like fucking like pulled two buzzwords out of like the political hat.

Elliott Kalan

[33:24] It's the laziest explanation or rationale for trying to take down the government.

[33:29] You know the globalization and the Wall Street?

[33:32] Like, I don't-

Dan McCoy

[33:33] He was just hanging out at Occupy Wall Street and he's like, yeah, man, let's tear down the

[33:37] fucking ruling class.

Elliott Kalan

[33:39] And the opposite of that is the fact that you mentioned while you were watching it, they

[33:42] have to give Gerard Butler a reason that he's failed the president in the past.

[33:46] They have to give him a reason and a motivation to want to save the president.

[33:50] Yeah.

[33:51] Otherwise, he'd be like, fuck it.

[33:52] And let's just say, forget that he's a Secret Service agent.

[33:55] It's his job to save the president.

[33:57] Even if he was just a regular American, you'd think he'd be like, you know what?

[34:01] Maybe I will save the president.

[34:03] You know, he is the leader of my country and all.

[34:05] But they feel the need to give him a personal, emotional motivation.

Dan McCoy

[34:08] Yeah.

[34:09] It's like, oh, I got to make it up to the president for not saving his wife.

[34:13] And you know how-

[34:14] I got a personal thing.

[34:16] You know, like now we're even.

[34:17] I wish when he saved the president, he was like, are we square?

Elliott Kalan

[34:20] Yeah.

[34:20] A life from life.

[34:22] Yeah.

[34:23] This thing between us, it's over now, right?

[34:25] We got no beef?

[34:26] No beef, Mr. Prez?

[34:28] Prez number one?

Stuart Wellington

[34:28] The president tears up the crazy magical contract he filled out with the Baba Yaga.

Elliott Kalan

[34:35] What were the terms of this Baba Yaga contract?

Stuart Wellington

[34:38] I put out a hit on you with the Baba Yaga.

[34:41] So if you see a chicken-legged house, just tell her that everything's done.

[34:44] Yeah.

[34:45] She scratched his cheek and said, puffier.

Elliott Kalan

[34:51] So this is a dumb movie.

[34:52] Yeah.

[34:53] That's what we're saying.

[34:54] We didn't even mention the subplot about his wife, who's a nurse,

[34:57] because it's totally irrelevant.

[34:59] There's no reason to have it in there.

[35:00] Who cares?

Stuart Wellington

[35:01] I think a good example of how this is similar along the lines of Dylan McDermott's

[35:07] bullshit explanation is the first time Gerard Butler gets on the phone with Krang, is it?

[35:14] Kang.

[35:15] You said Krang.

[35:15] So he's talking to Krang on the phone.

[35:17] I heard Krang.

[35:18] They talk shit to each other a little bit.

[35:19] The bad guy says something like, I'll kill a million presidents or something.

[35:23] And instead of, like, this is the chance for the movie or the screenwriter to be like,

[35:30] okay, let's come up with a good line.

[35:31] And I think Gerard Butler just says, fuck off and hangs up.

Elliott Kalan

[35:34] He says, let's play a game.

[35:36] It's called fuck off.

[35:37] You first.

[35:38] And then he hangs up.

[35:39] And it's like, it's not a good one.

Stuart Wellington

[35:41] They clearly had a bunch of lines written on a whiteboard.

[35:45] And they crossed them all off and encircled that one and gave each other high five when

[35:49] they wrote it.

Elliott Kalan

[35:50] Well, that's the other thing.

Stuart Wellington

[35:50] That's their yippee-ki-yay motherfucker.

Elliott Kalan

[35:52] If you're going to treat this as a serious movie, you can't give him one line or quips.

[35:56] You know, it's stupid.

[35:58] This is a movie that the tone is totally wrong.

[36:01] The story is so by the numbers.

[36:02] The action scenes are boring.

[36:03] The computer effects are bad.

[36:05] The acting is lazy, you know.

[36:07] And he stabs the bad guy in the head with a knife at the end.

[36:09] That's the best part.

[36:10] I mean, when the best thing you can say about the movie is like, there's a lot of head

[36:14] shots.

[36:15] Like, a lot of people get shot in the head and blood splatters out of the back of their

[36:18] head.

[36:18] And if you ever wanted to see Melissa Leo get worked over by a couple thugs, this is

[36:23] the movie for you, you know.

[36:24] Put that in the IMDB keyword search for recommended movies.

[36:27] Melissa Leo worked over by thugs.

[36:30] Bruised Melissa Leo.

[36:32] Everyone whispers all the time.

[36:34] And there's a scene where Melissa Leo and the president are whispering to each other

[36:36] and she has her arm over her mouth.

[36:38] It's like, thanks, movie.

[36:39] You make it so hard for me to try to pay attention to you.

[36:43] Do we have anything we have to do before we go to letters, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[36:45] Let's just skip the final judgments.

[36:47] I think that it's clear that we all thought it was a bad, bad movie.

[36:51] Bad, bad movie.

[36:52] Best great movie.

[36:53] We didn't care for this film.

Elliott Kalan

[36:55] Do you need to, say, make space to insert something?

Dan McCoy

[37:00] Let's do it more awkwardly.

[37:02] Is there space to insert something?

[37:05] Yeah, let's take a moment to have a word from our sponsor.

Elliott Kalan

[37:10] Our new sponsor.

[37:10] Can't wait to hear it.

[37:11] Play it, Don.

Dan McCoy

[37:18] We've got a new sponsor.

[37:19] Frank and Oak.

[37:20] Now, what is Frank and Oak?

[37:22] Imagine you're going to a place where you don't want to wear your Flophouse t-shirt.

[37:26] I know it's hard to imagine, but hear me out.

[37:29] You might want to try Frank and Oak.

[37:31] It's an incredible Montreal-based creative workshop that designs, manufactures, and curates a monthly

[37:36] collection of fine clothing and accessories.

[37:39] They make looking good easy and hassle-free.

[37:42] Frank and Oak's small crew handles every detail of the experience, from curating the online

[37:46] shop, to designing the collections and working with the manufacturers, to delivering the goods.

[37:52] Frank and Oak uses the highest quality cotton blends from the best mills around the world

[37:55] to bring you clothing with an uncompromised quality and an exceptional value.

[38:00] And with a new collection offered every month, their styles are always current and their clothing

[38:05] is always made with integrity.

[38:07] Frank and Oak's membership is free, and they offer a personalized selection of products,

[38:10] plus a no-cost monthly at-home try-on service, so you can try before you buy.

[38:15] Check out Frank and Oak on their website at www.frankenoak.com slash flophouse.

[38:22] That's www.frankenoak.com slash flophouse.

[38:26] If you see anything you like, use the coupon code FLOPHOUSE during checkout to get a 15% discount.

[38:33] Look sharp and help support our show by shopping with them.

[38:35] That's flophouse at frankenoak.com slash flophouse for a 15% discount.

Elliott Kalan

[38:41] That was great!

[38:43] Fantastic.

[38:43] I'm going to buy a billion of that.

[38:45] So.

[38:46] I know what it was for.

Dan McCoy

[38:49] Well, yeah, I'm sure our sponsor loves the irony of which you said that.

[38:53] It was shirts.

[38:53] I like the shirt I got a lot.

[38:54] Yeah, no, no.

[38:55] We actually got some very nice shirts from Frank and Oak.

[38:59] Yeah, I think I'll probably wear mine tomorrow.

[39:00] As a sample and they are.

Elliott Kalan

[39:02] I'm going to wear Elliot's after him.

Dan McCoy

[39:04] So you're going to rip it is what you're saying.

[39:06] Yeah.

[39:06] They are a quality product we know from firsthand experience.

[39:10] But now.

[39:12] Now.

[39:13] We're going to move on.

[39:14] We're moving on.

[39:15] What are we doing now?

[39:15] Letters.

[39:16] Letters.

Elliott Kalan

[39:18] Are you ready to letters?

[39:21] Actually, it's let's get ready to letters.

[39:23] Yeah.

[39:24] Are you ready for some letters?

[39:26] Monday night letters, everybody, if you're listening to this on a Monday night.

[39:29] If you're not, insert the day of the week you're listening to and the time of that day

[39:34] and then add letters to the end of it.

[39:36] For example, let's say it's a Wednesday morning.

[39:38] Okay.

[39:38] Wednesday morning.

[39:40] Wednesday morning letters.

[39:41] Okay, sure.

[39:41] Let's say it's Thursday around noon-ish.

[39:43] Sure.

[39:44] Thursday noon-ish letters.

[39:45] Okay.

[39:46] Let's say it's the summer solstice.

[39:48] I don't know what day that is.

[39:49] So just say summer solstice letters.

[39:50] Climb out of that wicker man you're probably stuck in.

[39:53] Don't stick around on the wicker man because it's about to become a burning man festival,

[39:57] if you know what I mean.

[39:57] But whatever the case.

Dan McCoy

[39:59] Write it down on a piece of paper.

[40:02] Dig a hole.

[40:03] Buried it in your backyard.

[40:04] And forget about it.

[40:05] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[40:06] And in a million years you'll be dead.

[40:09] That's the payoff.

[40:11] But the first letter is...

[40:13] That reminds me...

[40:14] Sorry, before we talk about the letters, this is totally unrelated to everything.

[40:17] But I was thinking about how...

[40:18] Mortality, guys.

[40:19] How the village that they built for Star Wars in Tunisia to represent Tatooine and Mos Eisley

[40:25] is slowly being overtaken by sand dunes that are moving farther here.

[40:30] It's terrible.

[40:30] And I just imagine that in 400 years an archaeologist will dig there and find this alien civilization

[40:36] and be like, oh my god, this changes everything about our knowledge of human history.

[40:39] Where are they getting all that blue milk?

[40:41] These people were using vaporators.

[40:45] There was some kind of alien bar here.

[40:48] So thanks, George Lucas.

Stuart Wellington

[40:49] Droids were clearly not welcome.

Elliott Kalan

[40:51] George Lucas for screwing with the minds of future archaeologists.

Dan McCoy

[40:54] They clearly should have gone down to Tosche Station to pick up some new power converters.

Elliott Kalan

[40:58] Unless it's possible that by that point Star Wars will have become a religion.

[41:01] And they'll be like, we found it.

[41:03] The holy place.

[41:04] Let's fight over it for a thousand years.

Dan McCoy

[41:07] But this first letter is titled Family Drama.

[41:12] Dear the Flophouse.

[41:13] That's us.

[41:14] I recently recommended the podcast to my sister and she told me that she was forced to turn

[41:18] it off because, quote, those guys are so mean.

[41:21] Yeah, that's fair.

[41:22] To be fair, she ignored my description of three distinct personalities including two Daily

[41:27] Show writers and a Daily Show animal wrangler.

[41:30] Watched terrible movies.

[41:31] Closest we'll get to a MST3K podcast.

[41:34] And she ignored the title of the podcast.

[41:36] That's high praise.

[41:37] Yeah.

[41:37] Which includes the word flop.

[41:40] And she ignored the back catalog of undeniably floptastic movies until she hit a movie that

[41:44] she owned and loved.

[41:46] What movie was that?

[41:47] I want to know.

[41:47] And she ignored the description of the podcast from within the podcast itself.

[41:52] To her great surprise, you did not enjoy the Oscar nominated Valentine's Day.

Elliott Kalan

[41:57] Wait, Oscar nominated?

[41:58] I'm not sure.

Dan McCoy

[41:59] What more you could have done?

[42:01] I think it was nominated for worst everything.

Stuart Wellington

[42:03] I think you misread that, Dan.

[42:04] It was D-Wars.

Dan McCoy

[42:05] I'm not sure what you could have done to advertise you make fun of new movies.

[42:09] The Oscar nominated big money restless.

[42:12] I'm not sure what my sister.

[42:14] And the Oscar for funniest movie.

Elliott Kalan

[42:16] The Oscar for biggest money restless goes to.

[42:20] Oh, it's an upset.

[42:21] D-Wars.

[42:21] The King's speech.

[42:24] Accepting for Colin Firth will be Shaggy 2 Dope.

Dan McCoy

[42:27] And I'm not sure why my sister would think I would recommend a podcast that celebrates

[42:32] the achievements of Gary Marshall's finest work.

[42:35] No such podcast exists.

[42:36] Perhaps she ignored seven warnings indicating this is the work of the nefarious seven pounds.

[42:41] Or it's the Flophouse house cat who I imagine is a Carmen Sandiego-esque world traveling criminal

[42:46] when not haunting Dan's apartment.

[42:48] Regardless, thanks for the podcast.

[42:50] Even if it highlights my sister's terrible taste in movies, Ethan's last name withheld.

[42:55] Well, we apologize to Ethan's sister who I assume is no longer listening.

[42:59] It was Ethan Hawke, you think?

[43:00] It was probably Ethan Hawke.

[43:01] Now, Ethan.

[43:01] Star of Daybreaker.

[43:02] Yes.

[43:03] We appreciate it.

[43:04] We apologize to her sister, Holly Hawke.

Elliott Kalan

[43:07] That's terrible.

[43:10] Ethan, thanks for recommending the podcast.

[43:12] We're sorry your sister didn't like it.

[43:13] But hey, that's the great thing about this country.

[43:16] That anyone can like the things they like and we don't have to like the same thing.

Stuart Wellington

[43:20] And sometimes we have to team up to fight terrorists and we win.

Elliott Kalan

[43:23] Always.

[43:24] USA.

[43:25] Up all night.

[43:26] Characters are welcome here.

[43:28] No.

[43:29] Boobs are welcome at USA up all night.

[43:31] Okay.

[43:32] But thanks again, Ethan.

[43:33] Recommend our podcast as much as you please.

[43:35] We don't care how many family members you alienate.

Dan McCoy

[43:37] Yeah, and this...

[43:38] When you say recommend the podcast, this reminds me...

[43:42] I feel like we should do more social networking.

[43:43] I feel like we should encourage people to tweet about the podcast.

[43:47] Perhaps with a...

[43:48] Are we having a business meeting right now?

S4

[43:50] Hashtag Flophouse.

Stuart Wellington

[43:51] Okay.

[43:51] Let's have a shit sandwich here, guys.

[43:53] Hashtag Flophouse.

[43:54] You're doing great on talking about stupid stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[43:57] Not so good at tweeting.

Stuart Wellington

[43:59] Great on laughing.

[44:00] And being really good friends.

Elliott Kalan

[44:01] Thanks for the review, Stuart.

[44:04] Okay, now I'll do a review for Dan.

[44:05] Dan, you're doing great at producing the podcast.

[44:07] You talk way too much about your knee.

[44:09] Okay.

[44:10] And also, great work with the knee.

[44:12] Fair enough.

[44:13] I really like this new thing you're doing.

Dan McCoy

[44:15] Okay.

[44:16] Elliot, I think that you're great with your comedy reviews of the other hosts.

Elliott Kalan

[44:20] Great.

[44:20] And that's the reviews for everybody.

[44:22] So?

[44:23] Oh, wow.

[44:23] You cut them off.

[44:24] What's the middle?

[44:24] What's the bad part?

[44:25] Yeah, what's the shit part of that sandwich?

Dan McCoy

[44:28] Something about your voice.

Elliott Kalan

[44:30] Okay.

[44:30] That I have an irritating voice.

[44:31] That's fair.

Dan McCoy

[44:32] So, moving on.

Elliott Kalan

[44:33] Okay.

[44:34] So, everybody...

Dan McCoy

[44:35] And the hard spotlight does not fall upon Stuart.

Elliott Kalan

[44:37] No, I'm just saying...

[44:37] He slinks into the shadows.

[44:39] If you want to promote the show, maybe hashtag Flophouse.

[44:43] That'd be great.

[44:44] I mean, I feel like our fans are really dedicated.

[44:46] They're already doing a lot to promote it by wearing our faces on their chests.

[44:50] Or our stomachs, in my case.

[44:52] Guys, we thank you a lot for making us what we are today.

[44:56] And if you want to help us out some more, that would be fantastic.

[44:59] And we understand that you can break us.

[45:00] You made us and you can destroy us.

[45:03] But just...

[45:03] The fans taketh and the...

[45:04] Giveth and the fans taketh away.

[45:06] But just so you know, hey, we appreciate what you've done.

[45:08] We're not demanding more.

[45:09] We're just saying, we trust you.

Dan McCoy

[45:12] Yeah.

[45:13] Do what your body feels like, is Stuart's say.

[45:15] Yeah, just do what your body wants.

[45:16] Yeah.

[45:17] Like how Dan just misquoted Stuart.

Stuart Wellington

[45:19] Listen to the rhythm of Dan's voice.

[45:21] Feel the beat of the rhythm of my voice.

Dan McCoy

[45:24] So, this next letter...

[45:26] Go dancing in the rain.

[45:27] La Vida Loca.

[45:28] Yeah, who's Johnny?

[45:33] You got more song titles?

Elliott Kalan

[45:34] That's all the songs.

[45:36] All of them.

[45:37] Every song.

[45:38] I think that's all of them except...

[45:39] Every song that was been written.

[45:40] We just sent them all.

[45:42] All five of them.

[45:43] Just turn this thing off.

[45:46] Next letter.

Dan McCoy

[45:47] ...is titled...

Elliott Kalan

[45:48] That was sent to the hashtag Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[45:50] It's to Stuart.

[45:51] Oh.

[45:52] To Stuart's?

[45:53] I'm seeing double.

[45:55] From Sean, last name withheld.

[45:57] Of the dead.

[45:58] Stuart Limington.

[45:59] I've had enough of your hatred.

[46:01] You may have noticed that I've kidnapped the house cat.

[46:03] Your friend, ally, lover.

[46:05] If you want to secure a house cat safe passage back to Dan's apartment,

[46:08] you will recommend one of my movies on today's episode.

[46:11] Otherwise, I'll check him into rehab,

[46:13] and who knows what will happen to your party animal friend there.

[46:16] Signed, first name withheld, Hayes.

Elliott Kalan

[46:19] Wait, he doesn't have movies?

[46:20] Wait.

[46:21] Does he have movies?

[46:22] He had a TV show, and a Broadway show, and another TV show.

[46:26] Oh, Three Stooges.

[46:27] That was a Sean Hayes movie.

[46:27] Okay.

[46:28] So, I recommend that.

[46:29] Give me back my house cat.

Dan McCoy

[46:30] Okay.

[46:31] Yeah.

[46:31] You monster.

[46:34] So, moving on.

[46:36] A Flophouse Nightmare.

Stuart Wellington

[46:37] I threatened to punch one person, a couple people,

[46:40] and now people make a big deal out of it.

Dan McCoy

[46:42] I mean, Uwe Boll is the only one I remember you for that.

Elliott Kalan

[46:45] He threatened to punch Dario Argento, too.

[46:46] Oh, yeah.

[46:47] He's a creep.

[46:48] And I think Barack Obama in one episode.

[46:50] No way, that's insane.

[46:51] And the Secret Service is coming after you.

[46:53] And the Secret Service, Gerard Butler.

[46:54] He already has a bone to pick with you.

[46:56] Okay.

[46:56] Good thing I'm wearing a case over my brain so it cannot be stabbed.

[47:00] You better, the bone to pick is a wishbone.

[47:02] Pull wisely so that you can make your wish to not be beaten up by Gerard Butler.

[47:07] Yeah.

[47:08] But watch out because then the Wishmaster appears.

[47:10] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[47:11] I've watched enough Wishmaster movies to know that I'm totally dead.

Dan McCoy

[47:16] So, this letter is titled, A Flophouse Nightmare.

[47:18] Let's talk about Wishmaster some more.

[47:20] A Flophouse Nightmare.

[47:22] Oh.

Elliott Kalan

[47:25] We were doing the Flophouse and we realized we had forgotten our pants.

[47:28] For Stuart, it was not a nightmare.

Dan McCoy

[47:30] Hi, floppers.

[47:31] I'm a fairly new listener, but I've got to share the spooky comedy nightmare I had this morning.

Elliott Kalan

[47:35] Fairly new like they just started listening or fairly new like they were just born?

[47:39] Or a clone.

Dan McCoy

[47:40] That's a good point.

[47:41] Good point.

[47:41] They just came out of their...

[47:42] Back to tank.

Elliott Kalan

[47:43] Back to tank.

[47:44] That's what I want.

[47:45] I thought it was bathy too for a second.

Dan McCoy

[47:47] You guys are right.

[47:47] This emailer should have been more clear.

[47:49] I'm sorry.

[47:51] Sorry, Grouchy McCoy.

[47:52] Continue.

[47:53] I have to share this comedy nightmare I had.

[47:57] In it, I was the Flophouse's own Elliot Kalin.

[47:59] And I was solving a mysterious rash of child abductions in a strange village.

[48:04] Wow.

[48:05] As Elliot.

[48:06] Weird dream.

[48:06] I traveled to an island and found a clearing of the brush stained with blood.

[48:10] I knew the children were all dead.

[48:12] Wow.

[48:13] This is a horrible dream.

[48:14] I saw a flash of fur and turned to see the culprit.

[48:16] Turns out it was a goofy panther all along.

[48:19] I say goofy because his face...

[48:22] I'm glad you knew that I was going to ask that question.

[48:23] Because his face looked like a taxidermy panther made by someone who'd never seen a panther.

[48:28] Anyway, he ate those children, but...

[48:29] He spared me Elliot.

[48:31] Or did he?

[48:32] I'll never know because I woke up from laughing.

[48:35] All in all, I'd rate this dream spookily good bad.

[48:38] Flop on, you floppy diamonds.

[48:39] Ashley, last name with Held.

[48:41] That's better than most of my dreams.

Stuart Wellington

[48:42] Wow.

[48:44] A goofy panther.

[48:45] Sounds pretty horrible.

[48:46] So congratulations for making me totally creeped out.

Elliott Kalan

[48:49] I'm just glad I infiltrated your brain to the point where you want to be me in your dreams.

[48:53] Yeah.

[48:54] This is the lamest Wicker Man movie.

[48:57] I'm just assuming that panther was Freddy, but he was not trying very hard.

[49:00] You know?

[49:01] He was like, ugh.

[49:02] It's time for me to leave for the day, but I got one more kill to do.

[49:06] I'll just be a goofy panther or something.

[49:09] Hey, I'm a goofy panther, bitch.

[49:11] Grr, grr, argh.

[49:13] Grr, bitch.

[49:14] You scared?

[49:15] Whatever.

[49:15] Anyway, quitting time.

[49:17] See you later, bitch.

Dan McCoy

[49:19] The panther, like, punches out like in those Warner Brothers cartoons.

Elliott Kalan

[49:23] As another guy with a blade finger glove walks in and punches in.

[49:27] Hey, Fred.

[49:28] Hey, Tim.

[49:32] Panther, huh?

[49:33] Already I'll take over.

[49:34] Grr, grr.

[49:34] I'm a panther, bitch.

[49:40] Freddy, can you come into my office for a second?

[49:42] Yeah, Mr. Guftison.

[49:43] What is it?

[49:44] Freddy, we've been getting a lot of complaints that you're calling the clients bitch.

[49:48] You know, it's part of my thing.

[49:49] It's just kind of spooky.

[49:51] I'm going to kill them anyway.

[49:52] What's going on?

[49:52] Yeah, but we can kill the clients with respect.

[49:55] You know, we don't need to be undignified.

[49:57] Scaring is one thing.

Dan McCoy

[49:58] Sexism is quite another.

Elliott Kalan

[49:59] There's a little thing called workplace appropriateness and sexual harassment.

[50:03] I'm going to need you to do a three-hour training session.

[50:05] Oh, not again.

[50:06] Come on, sir.

Stuart Wellington

[50:07] Take it easy on the homoeroticism, please.

[50:10] You don't have to rip off everybody's wiener.

Elliott Kalan

[50:14] So there's all this blood down there.

[50:15] It was just the one movie.

[50:17] So no bitch and no wiener ripping.

[50:19] Can I do my job now?

[50:20] Whoa, Freddy, enough with the talkback.

[50:23] You know, this is going in your record.

[50:24] No, come on.

[50:25] Another black market.

[50:26] I'm on probation.

Stuart Wellington

[50:28] Double secret probation.

[50:30] They'll never let me into the fraternity now.

Elliott Kalan

[50:33] Look, I need this job.

[50:34] This is the only thing I know how to do.

[50:35] Killing kids in their dreams.

[50:36] I can't go back to being a lawyer.

Dan McCoy

[50:38] That's fine.

[50:39] But if you don't shape up, we're going to replace you with Jason.

[50:41] It will be a Freddy versus Jason situation.

Elliott Kalan

[50:43] Jason, he never talks.

[50:45] Yeah, and he doesn't say bitch as a result.

[50:47] Freddy, you can learn a thing or two from Jason.

[50:49] Oh, God.

[50:51] Guy thinks he's so great.

[50:52] Just because he was in the NHL.

[50:57] We get it.

[50:58] We get it.

Stuart Wellington

[50:58] Just because his mom's got her head chopped off.

[51:03] And he has teleportation abilities.

[51:05] And he's a death elemental.

[51:06] And probably a zombie.

[51:08] Freddy, you show me another job where you can wear a hat and a striped sweater to work.

[51:12] No, no, no.

[51:13] We've got to get to the last letter.

Elliott Kalan

[51:14] He's got a machete.

Dan McCoy

[51:16] We've got to get to the last.

[51:17] Freddy, step in for a second.

Elliott Kalan

[51:18] He got killed by a fire starter, I think.

[51:20] Jason, can you step in here, too, both of you?

[51:22] Now, this is a hard decision.

[51:23] I know both of you applied to the In Space program.

[51:26] But we can only send one of you into space.

[51:29] And I'm sorry.

[51:30] We've made a decision.

[51:31] Jason, you're going to space.

[51:32] And Jason doesn't talk, so he just raises his fists and pumps them in the air silently.

[51:36] And Freddy's like, this is bullshit, man.

[51:38] I've been with this company 25 years.

[51:41] I've killed way more kids than he has.

[51:43] I'm not sure that's true, Freddy.

[51:44] We can check the numbers, but it's all about demeanor.

[51:47] You scratch our back, I'll scratch yours.

[51:50] But I don't want you...

[51:51] Please don't scratch.

Stuart Wellington

[51:51] Please don't really scratch my back because your fingers have blades on them.

Elliott Kalan

[51:54] Mr. Gustafson, I mean, I respect you, but I don't respect the guys upstairs, if you know what I mean.

[51:59] And maybe that's part of the problem, Freddy.

[52:01] Yeah.

[52:02] Maybe that's part of the problem.

[52:03] Case closed.

[52:03] Look inside yourself.

[52:05] Hey, shape up and fly right.

[52:06] Maybe you'll go into space one day.

[52:07] Whatever.

[52:08] I'm never going to go into space.

[52:09] Not with that attitude.

[52:10] You're not Freddy.

[52:11] Jason, can you please leave the room?

[52:12] I think I have to talk to Freddy again.

[52:16] Now, Freddy...

[52:17] Wait, so how long does it spend?

[52:18] I mean...

[52:19] Freddy, you're on thin ice, buddy.

[52:21] Let me be honest.

[52:21] You're on thin ice.

[52:22] I don't care who your uncle is.

[52:24] Maybe Bill Kruger runs this company.

[52:26] That doesn't mean we have to keep you on the payroll.

[52:28] Look, I've gone to bed for you a couple times.

[52:30] I've gone to bed for you a whole lot of time.

[52:31] At a certain point, there's only so much I can do, buddy.

[52:34] You've got to help me help you.

[52:35] I know, I know.

[52:36] You're a good guy, Mr. Gustafson.

[52:37] I've contributed all I can.

[52:39] Okay, are we done with Freddy's trouble at his job?

[52:42] Okay.

[52:42] This last letter.

Dan McCoy

[52:44] This letter.

Elliott Kalan

[52:48] How are we supposed to respond to a ladder?

[52:49] I guess it's 12 feet tall.

Dan McCoy

[52:51] There's nothing we can joke about about that.

[52:52] This last letter, or as I call it, a ladder, is titled, Hey, It's Me, Elliot.

[52:57] What?

[52:58] Huh?

[52:58] Hold on.

[52:59] Why does everyone want to be me all of a sudden?

[53:01] Well, I felt like we were trapped in a weird wormhole.

[53:04] Yeah.

[53:04] My life is great.

[53:05] My life is great.

[53:06] That's right.

[53:06] It's me, Elliot.

[53:07] It's not.

[53:08] I know what you guys are wondering.

[53:09] Why write into a podcast I'm actually on?

[53:12] And if you're Elliot, i.e. me, you're probably wondering, why don't I remember writing this

[53:16] letter?

[53:17] Well, shut up for a second, because I'm going to tell you.

[53:19] Please, thank you.

[53:20] I wrote it in to tell you guys.

[53:21] I'm writing it from the future.

[53:23] Something terrible is going to happen.

[53:24] I'm writing to tell you guys what I don't have courage to say in person.

[53:27] Firstly, Dan, you are a proud and noble leader, and I want you to know I love you.

[53:32] Not in a weird slash fiction kind of way, but you are the greatest person I know

[53:36] kind of way.

[53:36] That's not.

[53:37] No.

[53:37] I would like to give you my Emmys as a sign of appreciation.

[53:40] Ignore me if I protest this bequeathal in person.

[53:43] I'm just being shy.

[53:44] I really want you to have the Emmy, so feel free to take it by force.

[53:47] Elliot, I mean, I have my own Emmy.

[53:48] You have one.

[53:49] You don't need my three.

[53:50] I don't know why, but thank you.

Elliott Kalan

[53:51] You may get another one this weekend.

Dan McCoy

Elliott Kalan

[53:54] Don't knock on wood.

[53:55] I must have really been on the paint thinner when I wrote this letter.

Dan McCoy

[53:57] But what do I say to Stuart?

[53:58] Stuart, I do love you in a slash fiction kind of way.

[54:01] Okay.

[54:02] Elliot.

[54:03] Wait.

[54:03] Oh, wow.

[54:04] Sure.

[54:04] Okay, cool.

[54:05] That's all I had to say to you.

[54:06] You're talking to yourself.

[54:07] Don't panic yet.

[54:08] All will be revealed in the portal of time.

[54:11] It's real?

[54:12] Dan, wink at me now.

[54:14] I understand.

[54:16] Also, stop being so coy about Ms. Hathaway.

[54:19] We totally tapped that.

[54:21] And now for a series of rapid-fire confessions.

[54:23] Gentlemen, never tell.

[54:25] Number one, I've never seen Castle Blanc, nor any other black and white movie for that matter.

[54:29] I find them boring and only recommend them to seem cool.

[54:31] I don't know what I'm saying.

[54:32] Don't listen to me.

[54:33] Number two, my favorite part of the podcast are the all-too-rare occasions when my brother

[54:36] writes in, David, you are fascinating and awesome.

[54:40] No.

[54:41] No, it's untrue.

[54:42] Number three, my natural voice is a deep baritone, a la Barry White.

[54:45] I don't know what he's talking about.

Elliott Kalan

[54:46] I mean, guys, I don't...

Dan McCoy

[54:48] Number four, I have confusing dreams involving the Flophouse house cat.

[54:52] Oh, well, that's true.

[54:53] Yeah.

[54:54] Now, I know I'm probably protesting this right now in my affected high-pitched voice, but rest

[54:58] assured, I'm just nervous.

[54:59] These are my true feelings, and I recommend you to hold me to them.

[55:03] Flop on.

[55:04] Sincerely, Elliot Kalen.

[55:05] P.S.

[55:06] Hey, Dan, while you're reading this, can you do me a favor?

[55:08] I'd like you to turn to me and say the following sentence in a gravelly voice.

[55:12] Do you want to play a little game?

Elliott Kalan

[55:14] No!

[55:15] Oh, Jigsaw!

[55:16] He got me the only way he knows how.

[55:18] By becoming me.

[55:19] In order to trap an Elliot, I have to become an Elliot.

Stuart Wellington

[55:22] When you stare into the abyss, the Elliot stares back.

Elliott Kalan

[55:26] We who hunt Elliotts become Elliotts ourselves.

[55:29] Mm-hmm.

[55:29] Well, me?

[55:30] That was an interesting letter.

[55:32] Totally incorrect.

[55:32] I must have written it either on Backwards Day or Nega Elliot, the evil Elliot from another

[55:37] mirror dimension, wrote it.

[55:39] Mm-hmm.

[55:39] Sure.

[55:39] That's the evil dimension where Elliot thinks my brother is interesting.

[55:43] Bizarro Elliot.

[55:46] Bizzellio.

[55:47] And Gerard Butler doesn't star in any movies.

[55:50] Well, he stars in good movies in the evil universe.

[55:53] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[55:53] Oh, but wait.

[55:54] I don't get the...

[55:55] Wait.

[55:56] What are the rules of evil universe?

[55:57] It's just opposite stuff.

[55:59] Okay, so he stars in really good books?

[56:02] His books are the opposite of movies.

[56:04] Not every word is...

Elliott Kalan

[56:05] It's like movies for your mind.

[56:05] Oh, man.

[56:07] Yeah, and he's Brazilian, because that's the opposite of Scottish.

[56:11] So, quickly...

Stuart Wellington

[56:12] And when you invite people into your house, they go outside of your house?

Elliott Kalan

[56:15] And you say bad bye when you mean hello.

[56:19] Have a bad night instead of have a nice day.

[56:22] And you say heaven-o when you mean goodbye, because heaven is the opposite of hell.

[56:26] Mm-hmm.

[56:26] Okay.

[56:28] Yep.

[56:29] Those are the rules.

[56:30] And you eat pasta made by Chef Man R.D.

[56:33] I guess it would be Chef Girl R.D.

Dan McCoy

[56:37] So, well, it's good that we established those rules.

[56:41] For the mirror universe.

[56:42] Very important.

[56:43] So, what are we doing now?

[56:44] Recommending stuff?

[56:45] We should recommend quickly.

[56:46] Quickly.

[56:47] Quickly now.

[56:47] Quickly.

[56:48] Recommend quickly down under.

[56:49] That we watched recently.

[56:52] Alan Rackman's in that?

[56:53] Or not recently, if we don't have a good one.

[56:55] Alan Rackman.

[56:57] Recommend movies that we actually enjoyed.

Elliott Kalan

[56:58] It's like when Alan Rickman directs porn movies, that's the name he uses.

[57:03] Adam Rackman.

[57:04] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[57:05] Adam Shankman.

[57:06] Movies that we actually enjoyed.

[57:08] Yeah.

[57:09] What are you looking at us for?

[57:11] Who's going first?

[57:12] I'll go.

[57:13] Lead the way, leader.

[57:13] Because I only have one.

[57:14] You've been flying on planes a lot lately.

[57:16] No, I have not.

[57:17] But I was on vacation for a couple weeks and I didn't have a chance to see a lot of movies.

[57:21] But one thing that I did see while on the road that I enjoyed was The World's End.

[57:27] Okay.

[57:27] That's a...

[57:28] I like that too.

[57:28] Conclusion of the Cornetto Trilogy.

[57:30] The Simon Pegg, Edgar Wright, Nick Frost film.

[57:34] A movie that I initially kind of ranked as my least favorite of the three just because I thought it was the least funny.

[57:41] But upon reflection, kind of is climbing up in my estimation.

[57:46] Yeah.

[57:46] It has a lot of genuine emotional content that I kind of respect.

[57:53] And I feel like the thing that kind of gave me the biggest problem was there's a weird left turn kind of the movie takes at the very end of the film.

[58:04] Yeah.

[58:05] That I wasn't necessarily sure I was going to go along with.

Elliott Kalan

[58:08] But I've read some things on the internet that have kind of made me think maybe I would appreciate it more on a second viewing.

Dan McCoy

[58:15] Yeah.

[58:16] I liked that movie a lot.

[58:17] So The World's End.

Elliott Kalan

[58:17] And the ending didn't quite work for me.

[58:19] But it...

[58:19] Enough.

[58:20] You know.

[58:20] Yeah.

[58:21] I mean it wasn't terrible.

[58:22] In some ways I think it was my favorite of the three.

[58:24] Yeah.

[58:24] But...

Stuart Wellington

[58:25] I feel like of the three movies that's the one that if you took all the crazy stuff out it is the most interesting and holds together the best.

[58:33] I agree.

Elliott Kalan

[58:33] And Simon Pegg's performance in it is fantastic.

[58:37] Yeah.

[58:37] I think.

[58:38] Yeah.

[58:38] I agree.

[58:38] I think it's the best of his work.

Stuart Wellington

[58:42] I'm going to recommend a movie called The Place Beyond the Pines.

[58:45] Oh I just watched that on a plane.

[58:47] What am I Dan McCoy all of a sudden?

Elliott Kalan

[58:49] Must have been a long flight.

[58:50] It was.

[58:50] It was 10 hours.

[58:51] But it was business class on Turkish air.

[58:53] Sweet.

[58:53] I had a chair that turns into a bed.

[58:56] No kidding.

[58:57] It was awesome.

[58:57] And a chair back hookah.

[59:00] Wait.

[59:00] No.

[59:00] That's a stereotype.

Stuart Wellington

[59:02] Yep.

[59:02] And he slept on a fucking pita bread.

Elliott Kalan

[59:06] Yeah.

[59:07] And they just fed me Turkish delight.

[59:08] It was a delight.

[59:09] Now that.

[59:10] But I will say.

[59:11] And you ate fezes.

[59:11] That as soon as.

[59:12] As soon as the first class.

[59:13] As the business class flight takes off.

[59:15] They give you a bag of toiletries.

[59:17] That's a really nice bag.

[59:19] And.

[59:19] And with real nice toiletries.

[59:20] And then.

[59:21] A Godiva chocolate.

[59:21] And it's like.

[59:22] Now you're just rubbing it in.

[59:23] That I'm in business class.

[59:24] Like.

[59:25] Just free candy right off the bat.

[59:27] Anyway.

[59:28] I wasn't paying.

[59:28] So that's why I could fly that way.

[59:30] Okay.

[59:30] But the point is.

[59:31] Place behind the pines.

Dan McCoy

[59:32] Beyond the pines.

[59:33] Behind the pines.

Elliott Kalan

[59:34] The place.

[59:34] Either way.

[59:34] The place in the pines.

[59:36] The place adjacent to the pines.

[59:37] The place in the pine region.

[59:40] Pine place.

[59:40] Schenectady, New York.

[59:41] Basically.

[59:42] Let's just.

[59:43] Place beyond the pines.

Stuart Wellington

[59:44] Sure.

[59:45] It's the second collaboration between Ryan Gosling and the director whose name I'm not going to try to pronounce.

[59:50] From Blue Valentine.

[59:51] Yeah.

[59:51] From Blue Valentine.

[59:52] Let's just call him Blue Valentine.

[59:53] I would recommend it.

[59:55] V-Vals.

[59:56] If you like.

[59:58] Like a slow paced.

[1:00:00] Sell it.

[1:00:03] Okay.

[1:00:03] If you like Ryan Gosling's abs.

[1:00:06] And you like bank robberies.

[1:00:07] If you like.

[1:00:08] And you also like confused protagonists.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:11] If you like motorcycle stunts inside of round cages.

[1:00:14] You'd say it's like an intergenerational story.

[1:00:17] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:18] It's hard to kind of talk about I feel without kind of ruining elements of it for a person.

[1:00:22] Yeah.

[1:00:23] It's best not to know the plot.

[1:00:24] But a big part of it is that there's a lot of kind of awkward scenes.

[1:00:28] Characters with questionable morals and ethics put in positions where they have to make choices they don't want to necessarily.

[1:00:38] Do not watch it if you want something that's going to be very straightforward.

[1:00:43] Or you don't like things that are slightly overwrought.

[1:00:46] Do watch it if you like kind of slow movies that take place in Schenectady, New York.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:51] That take place near Pines.

[1:00:53] Yeah.

[1:00:54] Or beyond them.

[1:00:56] As the case may be.

[1:00:57] Yeah.

[1:00:57] Now I'll recommend my movie as quickly as I can.

[1:01:00] I'm going to recommend a movie.

[1:01:01] People who listen to these in sequence are going to think I only watch Francois Truffaut movies.

[1:01:06] Not realizing it's been like a month since our last episode.

[1:01:08] But I watched one recently that I like a lot.

[1:01:10] Another Francois Truffaut.

[1:01:11] Called The Story of Adele H.

[1:01:13] Which is one I was not familiar with at all before I started watching it.

[1:01:16] But it's a combination of two things I like.

[1:01:18] Francois Truffaut and Isabella Gianni.

[1:01:21] In her first major role.

[1:01:24] As a woman.

[1:01:25] A French woman who has become.

[1:01:26] Is in love with.

[1:01:27] Some would say become obsessed with.

[1:01:29] An English soldier in the 1860s.

[1:01:31] Who she's fallen in love with.

[1:01:33] And he has been restationed to Halifax.

[1:01:37] And she on her own.

[1:01:38] Travels to Halifax.

[1:01:39] And tries to win him back with increasingly insane behavior basically.

[1:01:45] While becoming more and more obsessed and building this fantasy.

[1:01:47] It's like all about Steve.

[1:01:48] Yeah exactly.

[1:01:49] Building this fantasy life around her.

[1:01:51] And she herself comes from a.

[1:01:54] I don't want to give away like who she is.

[1:01:56] Even though most descriptions of the movie give away.

[1:01:58] But she comes from a very privileged background.

[1:02:01] And this plays into it.

[1:02:02] But the main thing about it is.

[1:02:05] Francois Truffaut doing like a color.

[1:02:07] Historical costume film.

[1:02:09] Which is something you don't see from him very much.

[1:02:10] And what he does with it is interesting.

[1:02:12] But also that Isabella Gianni.

[1:02:14] Gives.

[1:02:15] One of her.

[1:02:16] Kind of.

[1:02:17] Classic.

[1:02:18] Throwing herself completely into a perform.

[1:02:20] Into a role performances.

[1:02:22] Kind of like in.

[1:02:23] Possession.

[1:02:23] The crazy movie where she.

[1:02:25] Leaves her husband Sam Neill.

[1:02:26] For a green tentacle monster.

[1:02:28] Where she is just totally.

[1:02:30] Allows herself to be totally vulnerable.

[1:02:32] And.

[1:02:32] Open in front of the camera.

[1:02:34] And takes herself to really intense places.

[1:02:36] And it's just a really fantastic.

[1:02:38] Like.

[1:02:39] Brutal performance.

[1:02:40] Much of the time.

[1:02:40] This is a woman.

[1:02:41] Who really feels like she's going insane.

[1:02:43] Before our eyes.

[1:02:44] But it's good.

[1:02:45] The story of Adele H.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:48] Yeah.

[1:02:49] So those are some good recommendations.

[1:02:50] I want to say.

[1:02:52] Before we go though.

[1:02:55] Wait.

[1:02:56] What are you saying?

[1:02:56] Where is this going?

[1:02:57] Listeners should stay tuned.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:59] Oh.

[1:02:59] The movie.

[1:03:00] With John Ritter.

[1:03:01] Stay tuned.

[1:03:02] Yeah.

[1:03:02] Well I mean.

[1:03:02] I think you're thinking of.

[1:03:03] Mom and Dad Save the World.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:05] I mean.

[1:03:05] You know.

[1:03:05] Stay tuned.

[1:03:06] Has a nice Chuck Jones directed segment.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:08] But that's not what I was saying.

[1:03:09] And Jeffrey Jones is in it.

[1:03:10] When it was still okay to like him.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:12] I'm saying.

[1:03:13] Stay tuned to the end of this podcast.

[1:03:16] Because we're going to.

[1:03:17] Debut.

[1:03:18] A little treat of some kind.

[1:03:19] A little treat.

[1:03:20] A little song.

[1:03:21] A little song that.

[1:03:22] Where are you guys looking at me?

[1:03:23] I dare say.

[1:03:24] If this song had debuted.

[1:03:26] At the beginning of the summer.

[1:03:27] It would be this song of the summer.

[1:03:29] Forget Blurred Lines.

[1:03:30] Forget Blurred Lines.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:30] Forget Up All Night.

[1:03:31] Or whatever it was called.

[1:03:32] Yeah.

[1:03:32] Out All Night.

[1:03:33] To Get Lucky.

[1:03:34] Get Lucky.

[1:03:34] That Daft Punk song.

[1:03:35] Yeah man.

[1:03:36] Forget the Miley Cyrus one.

[1:03:38] Where she's on a wrecking ball.

[1:03:39] And she's nude.

[1:03:40] Yeah.

[1:03:40] Forget the other Miley Cyrus one.

[1:03:41] Where she's like rubbing her butt against things.

[1:03:44] This.

[1:03:44] I think.

[1:03:44] This would be the song of the summer.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:45] The VMAs were asking me.

[1:03:47] If they could debut it there.

[1:03:48] But I said no no no.

[1:03:49] Yeah.

[1:03:49] Flophouse first.

[1:03:50] Flophouse first.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:53] Like with movies.

[1:03:55] A lot of the trash.

[1:03:57] A lot of the trash gets debuted during the summer.

[1:03:59] And then when fall comes around.

[1:04:01] It's an awards season.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:02] Yeah.

[1:04:02] Awards.

[1:04:03] Awards films.

[1:04:04] You know what?

[1:04:04] I'm going to name this.

[1:04:04] The Song of the Autumn.

[1:04:06] Yeah.

[1:04:06] This is the song everyone's going to be listening to all autumn long.

[1:04:08] Yeah.

[1:04:09] Mm-hmm.

[1:04:09] So zip up your cardigans over your button down shirts.

[1:04:14] Put it on your pod listeners.

[1:04:16] Put it on your pod?

[1:04:17] Yeah.

[1:04:18] What?

[1:04:18] Rake the leaves in front of your house while listening to this soon to be hit.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:22] Jack it into your ears.

[1:04:24] On hard style.

[1:04:26] And take a listen to this new single.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:28] Pull the guts out of a pumpkin.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:30] Yeah.

[1:04:30] But while you're doing it, listen to this.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:32] This is music to eat a turkey to.

[1:04:34] Yeah.

[1:04:35] But before we debut this song.

[1:04:36] Or look at some decorative corn cobs.

[1:04:39] This is the pumpkin spiced coffee of songs.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:42] Put a cornucopia up to your ear.

[1:04:45] Indeed, put ten cornucopias up to your ears.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:48] Put a hundred cornucopias up to your ears.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:51] And as the bounty of music flows forth into your brain holes.

[1:04:54] Just enjoy it.

[1:04:55] In the brain holes.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:57] But before that deluge of musical genius cascades over you, I would just like to sign off saying

[1:05:04] that I've been Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:06] Over there is Elliot Kalin.

[1:05:08] And ahead of me is that.

[1:05:09] It is.

[1:05:10] Stuart Wellington.

[1:05:11] Then that means land.

[1:05:13] Land.

[1:05:13] We've reached land.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:15] Good night, everyone.

[1:05:17] And now, an exclusive Flophouse event.

[1:05:21] Alex Smith and Stuart Wellington present their new single.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:25] Uh, can I get your attention, please?

[1:05:27] This is the captain speaking.

[1:05:29] Can somebody tell that house cat to stop partying?

[1:05:35] Ruh-roh!

[1:05:40] Uh-oh!

S4

[1:05:41] The ancient prophecy speaks of a mighty house cat rising from a blood-red sea.

[1:05:48] Some say he was born in a puddle of toxic waste.

[1:05:52] Some say he's the son of the devil himself.

[1:05:56] He hangs out with the Flophouse guys.

[1:05:59] He's the house cat.

[1:06:00] Ruh-roh!

[1:06:01] Did you, did you, did you know about the house cat?

[1:06:04] Ruh-roh!

[1:06:05] That house cat is a badass.

[1:06:08] He's the house cat!

[1:06:09] Ruh-roh!

[1:06:10] No nerds allowed.

[1:06:11] Not on the house cats in town.

[1:06:13] Ruh-roh!

[1:06:14] Did you know about the house cat?

[1:06:17] Uh-oh!

[1:06:18] Excuse me, doctor, but the diagnosis for that house cat is...

[1:06:22] Radical!

[1:06:27] Well, of course, he's ten feet tall.

[1:06:29] He's covered in silky, white-black fur.

[1:06:32] He only wears his baseball cap on backwards.

[1:06:34] He's incredibly wealthy.

[1:06:36] Sunglasses?

[1:06:37] A necessity.

[1:06:38] Sometimes he wears overalls.

[1:06:41] He doesn't smoke cigarettes because they're bad for your health.

[1:06:44] His favorite instrument?

[1:06:45] The guitar.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:46] Favorite food?

[1:06:47] Pizza.

S4

[1:06:48] Favorite movie?

[1:06:49] Road to Perdition.

[1:06:51] Favorite book?

[1:06:52] Tuck Everlasting.

[1:06:53] Ha-ha-house cat.

[1:06:54] Ruh-roh!

[1:06:59] Ruh-roh!

[1:07:00] The house cat does not play by the rules.

[1:07:03] He's a house cat!

[1:07:04] Ruh-roh!

[1:07:05] It's been four days since we went out into the bush and that flop house cat has gone completely

[1:07:10] feral.

[1:07:12] Uh-oh!

[1:07:12] He's wearing his overalls.

[1:07:14] He's picking up babies.

[1:07:17] Eating some food.

[1:07:19] Drinking some brews.

[1:07:22] Knocking over nerds.

[1:07:24] Breaking the rules.

[1:07:26] Ruining weddings and breaking up fools.

[1:07:31] No way!

[1:07:33] Two babes at once?

[1:07:35] Ruh-roh!

[1:07:36] I've been with too many human zeros.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:40] Ruh-roh!

S4

[1:07:41] Time to get with the house cat hero.

[1:07:44] Ruh-roh!

[1:07:45] Ruh-roh!

[1:07:46] No, no, no, no, no.

[1:07:47] Leave the sunglasses on.

[1:07:49] Ruh-roh!

[1:07:50] We sure hope you haven't been declawed.

[1:07:52] P-p-punky house cat!

[1:07:54] Ruh-roh!

[1:07:58] Ruh-roh!

[1:08:00] Who gave that cat those clothes?

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:03] Ruh-roh!

S4

[1:08:04] Mr. President, have you ever heard of a house cat?

[1:08:07] Ruh-roh!

[1:08:09] He's so powerful.

[1:08:11] Uh-oh!

[1:08:13] I don't know what's going on here, officer.

[1:08:15] That house cat should be in class.

[1:08:17] But instead, he stole my girlfriend.

[1:08:20] House cat!

[1:08:21] Ruh-roh!

[1:08:26] Ruh-roh!

[1:08:27] Where'd he come from?

[1:08:28] That's the thing nobody knows.

[1:08:30] Ruh-roh!

[1:08:32] You're gonna have to hand in your badge and gun unless you can turn in this house cat that's been terrorizing the town.

[1:08:39] Uh-oh!

[1:08:40] And the award for baddest dude goes to...

[1:08:42] The house cat, of course!

S5

[1:09:02] Ruh-roh!

The Flop House: Episode #135 - Olympus Has Fallen

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