The Flop House: Episode #134 - Upside Down

[0:00] In this episode, we discuss the movie that proves love can conquer even basic science.

[0:05] Upside Down.

[0:30] Hey everyone, welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:35] And this is Stuart Wellington of the Flophouse Podcast, voice of the Flophouse house cat.

[0:39] And I'm Elliot Kalin, the third and final host of the Flophouse.

[0:45] But I'm the guest. I'm Hallie Haglund, the guest.

[0:50] That's right.

[0:51] What the fuck?

[0:52] Due to popular demand, she's here.

[0:55] The Lucy to my Charlie Brown, Elliot's Linus, and Stuart's Snoopy.

[1:00] Pigpen.

[1:00] Hallie.

[1:01] Wait, I'm Snoopy?

[1:04] Stuart's Pigpen, and I don't even know him.

[1:07] Yeah, guys.

[1:11] Back by popular demand.

[1:12] Pigpen's the really cool dude, right?

[1:14] He don't care.

[1:15] Now, Hallie, you've been with us two previous episodes, right?

[1:18] Yes, indeed.

[1:19] Zookeeper and Rock of Ages.

[1:21] and you've set the Flophouse fan world on fire

[1:24] so we thought

[1:25] get rid of that Stuart guy

[1:27] he's got too much sexual chemistry with Elliot

[1:29] he plays it with a girl

[1:31] who has no sexual chemistry with Elliot

[1:34] it could be his sister

[1:35] yeah no we figured why

[1:37] wait why wait till one of us has

[1:40] let's force it go out of town

[1:41] yeah let's do a foursome

[1:42] let's make this a foursome guys

[1:44] like the end of a seduction cinema movie

[1:46] just four lesbians on a tarp in the woods

[1:49] Speaking of woods tarps

[1:53] Speaking of woods tarps

[1:54] No one has ever spoken of that

[1:57] Ever except me just now

[1:58] Yeah I couldn't think of a segue

[2:00] So Hallie

[2:02] This is your first time really interacting

[2:05] With Stuart

[2:05] What do you think of this guy

[2:07] Wait what

[2:09] This is your performance review

[2:12] Well as he described himself

[2:15] To me he is a

[2:16] Cool laid back dude

[2:18] I think I said party dude.

[2:20] Oh, party.

[2:21] Get his notices right.

[2:24] Do I have to write it in an email?

[2:26] What's going on here, guys?

[2:27] Stuart, by the way, pink as a lobster.

[2:30] It just came from the beach.

[2:31] I think you mean red as a lobster.

[2:32] Oh, he's not red.

[2:34] He's pink.

[2:34] Lobsters are not pink.

[2:36] As a pink girl's dress.

[2:39] A dress that's pink.

[2:41] The girl is pink, too?

[2:42] Both.

[2:42] It's camouflage.

[2:43] You think she's naked when you look at her at first, but then you realize, no, it's just a pink dress.

[2:47] You're like, is that skirt part of her body?

[2:49] It's a Mary Kay convertible.

[2:52] Okay.

[2:53] So I was at the beach today, and I assumed I'm pretty cool.

[2:57] Life's hard for Stuart.

[2:58] After a day at the beach, it's on to the podcast.

[3:00] Life is literally a beach for Stuart.

[3:02] Wait, what?

[3:03] Yep.

[3:04] So I assumed I don't need sunscreen.

[3:08] I probably should have put on sunscreen, but I'll be fine.

[3:10] I've been drinking all day.

[3:12] I'm good, man.

[3:13] Yeah, sure.

[3:13] That booze, it's the natural sunscreen.

[3:16] It'll hydrate me.

[3:18] No, it does the opposite.

[3:19] So, Dan, what do we do in this podcast?

[3:22] Do you want to talk about my skin?

[3:23] Talk about Stuart's skin conditions.

[3:24] Dan's knee was making a weird sound a couple minutes ago.

[3:28] Is the microphone picking up Dan's weird knee sound?

[3:32] It probably is.

[3:33] Everybody shut up.

[3:34] Shut up for like five minutes.

[3:35] Welcome to my home.

[3:40] Wait, so the knee is the Crypt Keeper's door?

[3:42] So what do we do in this podcast, Dan?

[3:46] You got distracted.

[3:47] It's a podcast where we watch a bad movie and we talk about it.

[3:51] I don't know why I feel the need to reset that it's a podcast every time.

[3:54] I mean, the podcast is us talking about it.

[3:57] We don't watch the movie while we're recording.

[3:58] Okay, let's back up.

[4:01] We discuss after the fact.

[4:01] It's a discussion of a bad movie that we have just watched.

[4:05] And what movie did we watch this time?

[4:07] We watched a movie called Upside Hyphen Down.

[4:10] Really? There's a hyphen?

[4:12] I think so.

[4:13] I don't remember that.

[4:15] And I'm looking at the...

[4:17] I don't think there's a hyphen, Dan.

[4:18] I would remember a hyphen.

[4:19] Listen, there's been some misinformation.

[4:21] Okay, nobody posts any shit on the internet about us fucking it up.

[4:25] This is not hyphen gate, okay?

[4:26] We know there's no hyphen.

[4:28] Just Dan being wrong.

[4:30] Now, Dan, you were pretty intent on...

[4:33] You want to talk about pink skin some more?

[4:34] What's going on?

[4:35] I wanted to watch this movie.

[4:38] Is that what you're going to say?

[4:38] Yeah, you were intent, eerily intent on watching this.

[4:41] Because it's a stupid concept.

[4:43] A high concept.

[4:45] Because they were high when they came up with it

[4:48] Two star-crossed lovers

[4:50] Who live on separate planets

[4:52] Literally

[4:53] Literally star-crossed because

[4:55] Yeah, they live on two different planets

[4:57] What if they were star-crossed Glovers?

[4:59] Danny Glovers?

[5:00] And Donald Glover

[5:01] And they've been crossed by a star

[5:05] And they want to get revenge

[5:07] It's called Star Revenge

[5:09] No, this is a movie about

[5:12] Jim Sturgis

[5:14] and Kirsten Dunst.

[5:16] Kirsten Dunst.

[5:17] They live on different planets.

[5:19] They play themselves.

[5:20] One of them's a successful actress.

[5:24] And the other's a guy from England.

[5:26] And the other's like,

[5:27] oh, what was he in?

[5:28] I know I recognize him.

[5:29] Oh, no, I guess I didn't

[5:31] because I just read his IMDb page

[5:33] and I've never seen any of the things.

[5:34] Okay, so here we go.

[5:36] Want to say what this movie's about?

[5:37] Two planets alike in dignity.

[5:39] No, no, you want me to say?

[5:40] Okay, so there's...

[5:42] This story follows a boy named Adam who lives on one of two planets that are eternally locked in each other's gravitonic embrace.

[5:50] There are two planets that exist just right next to each other all the time, and they have three rules.

[5:57] Isaac Asimov's Three Laws of Planicotics.

[5:59] Because the best thing about a movie is sitting down and having somebody explain a shitload of rules to you.

[6:04] It opens with about, what, 30 minutes of exploratory, explanatory monologue?

[6:09] You know how when you're playing a game for the first time,

[6:11] and your favorite part is someone explaining the rules.

[6:13] That's like this, but in movie form.

[6:16] You know how you go to the movies and you just want to relax,

[6:19] sit back in the dark, and then learn a bunch of rules?

[6:21] Pass me the rules manual, sir.

[6:25] I want to read all about this bullshit.

[6:26] When you buy a video game and it comes with an instruction manual,

[6:28] the first thing you do is you sit down and you read that manual cover to cover.

[6:31] You're like, oh, cool, the registration rights on this game.

[6:34] Who is the visual designer?

[6:37] And here's the address to write to in case I have any issues with the technology.

[6:41] Can't wait to play this.

[6:42] Thank you, Konami.

[6:43] There's three rules here in this universe,

[6:45] this made-up, fakey, fictional, allegorical universe.

[6:48] One, the two planets have different gravities.

[6:51] Okay, but all matter is pulled to the world that it originated in.

[6:56] Wait, hold on.

[6:56] Is that the first rule?

[6:58] That's the first rule.

[6:58] I have an objection, but I'll let you keep going.

[7:00] What's your objection?

[7:01] Is it that gravity doesn't work that way?

[7:03] Gravity is controlled by mass rather than just what planet you're from.

[7:08] Well, get used to it, because nothing is science in this movie.

[7:11] All right, carry on.

[7:13] It works off what I would call fairytale science,

[7:14] where the heart is stronger than the brain.

[7:17] What?

[7:19] The heart is the strongest muscle.

[7:21] The heart is the biggest erogenous zone.

[7:24] The heart is a lonely hunter.

[7:27] Because no one wants to walk around with a gross heart

[7:31] just, what, rolling around next to you?

[7:33] No.

[7:34] With a spear in its hand?

[7:36] It's a heart hunting for what?

[7:39] It doesn't need to eat?

[7:40] getting covered in gravel and dirt.

[7:42] It's probably sticky, right?

[7:43] Just grass, yeah.

[7:44] It's like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

[7:46] It's like Krang, but it's a heart.

[7:47] Oh, okay, I see.

[7:48] But without a robot exoskeleton to pee all over people with.

[7:51] Oh, that horrible picture.

[7:54] Okay, rule number two.

[7:56] Remember peeing all over people.

[7:57] That'll come into play later.

[7:58] It's weird that we see...

[8:01] We're the best part in the movie.

[8:03] It's weird that we see a movie that actually has a urine scene in it.

[8:06] I guess the paper boy in this.

[8:08] I know that scene where they switch bodies because they pee in the same fountain.

[8:11] But we didn't watch that movie for this.

[8:12] Oh.

[8:13] I watched that for funzos.

[8:14] Funzo the Clown?

[8:16] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[8:17] He asked you to do a report on him?

[8:17] He held a gun to my head while I masturbated.

[8:21] It was really weird.

[8:22] Someday someone will catch funzo.

[8:25] The clown that makes you masturbate at gunpoint to Jason Bateman movies.

[8:30] Oh, funzo.

[8:31] It took like all of five minutes.

[8:33] Okay, rule number two.

[8:36] An object's weight can be offset by matter from the opposite world.

[8:39] So, like, if you wear a bunch of weights from one planet on...

[8:43] From the other planet on you, you can hang out on that planet.

[8:45] It's like math.

[8:46] But...

[8:46] It's exactly like math.

[8:48] But, and this is...

[8:50] Beware.

[8:50] Before you put a bunch of weights on you from another planet...

[8:53] If you wear...

[8:54] Rule number three.

[8:55] If one piece of matter from one world lands on the other world for too long, it goes on fire.

[9:00] It just starts burning up like a hunk-a-hunk-a-burning metal.

[9:06] of which there's a lot in this.

[9:07] So, okay, there's two worlds.

[9:10] One of them, the upper world, is all rich,

[9:12] and the one on the bottom world, the down world, I guess, is poor.

[9:16] It's like Elysium, except you don't need a rocket ship to go between them.

[9:19] The worlds are just right there.

[9:21] There's no awesome exoskeletons.

[9:22] There's no exoskeletons.

[9:23] If you climb to a mountain, you can just jump to the other world if you want.

[9:26] And young Adam.

[9:27] Multiple times.

[9:28] Who is an orphan who learns from his great aunt the secret of making.

[9:31] Who won't take him in.

[9:32] I thought that was a valid point made by Stuart earlier

[9:35] when we were watching the movie.

[9:36] Yeah, he's got this great aunt

[9:37] who lives a bike ride away from the orphanage.

[9:39] And she makes these...

[9:40] She wasn't a great aunt.

[9:41] She was an alright aunt.

[9:42] And she makes these fucking awesome pancakes.

[9:44] Floating pancakes.

[9:45] She knows the secret of how to use pink beeswax

[9:48] to make floating pancakes.

[9:49] This will come in handy

[9:51] because this movie is hella dumb.

[9:52] This is not some gibberish that we made up.

[9:55] This is an actual plot point.

[9:56] Now, I know what you're thinking.

[9:57] Floating pancakes?

[9:58] Is this the Oogie Loves movie?

[10:00] Those were flying pancakes.

[10:01] They're cooked by a vacuum cleaner

[10:04] for a pillow.

[10:05] if you didn't remember that episode go listen to it it's a treat anyway so uh he has the power to

[10:14] he knows how to make anti-gravity stuff and he meets and falls in love with a girl from the

[10:19] other planet and they climb to each turns into chris to the top of a very tall mountain to meet

[10:24] each other basically because besides one other woman in this movie she's the only woman he's ever

[10:29] seen yeah well who's he gonna fall in love with his great aunt that's gross oh yeah that woman

[10:34] with messy hair

[10:35] later on in the movie.

[10:36] Yeah, she's the other woman.

[10:37] She's available, probably.

[10:39] I have to assume

[10:39] that her hair is a mess.

[10:40] Yeah, if she found a man,

[10:42] she would straighten

[10:42] her hair out.

[10:43] That's how it works, right?

[10:45] That's the first thing

[10:45] that happens

[10:46] when you get tied down.

[10:47] Well, my days

[10:48] with wild hair are over.

[10:50] Time to iron you

[10:52] and you just take an iron

[10:53] and put it right on your hair.

[10:54] Ow, my cheek.

[10:56] Anyway, so he falls in love

[11:00] with Kirsten Dunst.

[11:01] They grow up.

[11:02] They're like

[11:03] high school sweethearts

[11:03] and they learn

[11:04] that they can like hang out with each other

[11:07] that Kirsten Dunst rides around on his shoulders

[11:08] and like he'll hold her down

[11:10] but then he'll jump

[11:11] and she pulls him into the air

[11:13] because her planet is pulling her back.

[11:14] Yeah, like Tigger.

[11:15] It is the most innocent of frolicking.

[11:18] It looks fun.

[11:19] It does look fun, but it's innocent.

[11:20] Her crotch is right behind his head though.

[11:22] But then there's also this weird rock

[11:24] that they can go under

[11:25] that holds them in one position.

[11:27] Yeah, yeah.

[11:28] There's like a rock that curves over them

[11:31] to create like a ceiling.

[11:32] And it's not magic.

[11:34] It's just like a little room.

[11:36] If you've been wanting to see Chris and Dunst

[11:38] make a almost upside-down kiss ever since Spider-Man 1?

[11:44] Spider-Man 1, yeah.

[11:45] Okay, well, this movie kind of delivers on that.

[11:47] It's called Spider-Man.

[11:48] But Spider-Man did win in it, right?

[11:49] Yeah, he did win.

[11:50] Correct.

[11:51] He beat the Green Goblin.

[11:52] Yeah, the Green Goblin totally got a goblin glider

[11:54] right through his sternum.

[11:55] Fair enough.

[11:57] But you get a somewhat upside-down kiss in this one.

[12:00] Yeah, but how they point out, yeah,

[12:01] Kirsten just wants upside-down kiss projects.

[12:04] Yeah, she lusts out of the vehicle.

[12:07] She wants upside-down kiss projects or two planets too close to each other projects, like Melancholia.

[12:11] The movie that asks the question, how late is too late to serve dinner to wedding guests?

[12:15] Is 2 a.m. too late?

[12:18] Because I think so.

[12:19] The guests are getting restless.

[12:20] And soon your wedding's going to be guestless.

[12:23] What was wrong with that?

[12:24] Better check the guest list.

[12:25] It's Nipsey Russell all of a sudden.

[12:28] Yeah?

[12:29] What's up, Hallie?

[12:30] No, I was just going to talk more about melancholia.

[12:32] She was depressed.

[12:33] I mean, but come on.

[12:35] You had to have sex with that other person at your wedding reception?

[12:38] Yeah, I mean, it was a sign of depression, I guess.

[12:42] I guess so.

[12:43] Some people just got to get it, you know?

[12:45] It's just like Sonny and the Godfather, but I guess it wasn't his wedding.

[12:49] She's having fun hanging out naked near rivers.

[12:53] I forgot about that part.

[12:54] I mean, come on.

[12:55] Just living the life, guys.

[12:57] Living the life.

[12:59] Just being naked makes you remember.

[13:01] Why are you looking at me?

[13:01] That's what Heaven's doing.

[13:02] You know what I'm talking about.

[13:03] You're looking at me weird, Dan.

[13:05] I think he knows what I'm talking about.

[13:06] Anyway, the cops see them.

[13:09] It's against the law for people from the two worlds to mingle,

[13:12] and certainly not to fall in love.

[13:14] And so the cops see them, and they shoot them.

[13:16] They just start blasting, man.

[13:17] They don't even say stop.

[13:19] They just start blasting.

[13:20] In a very confusingly shot sequence where I really wasn't sure what planet the cops were on,

[13:24] but Kristen Dunst...

[13:25] And I'm still not sure.

[13:26] Yeah, Kristen Dump falls.

[13:29] It's not derogatory.

[13:31] It's just hard to say Dunst all the time.

[13:33] Anyway, Dunstan checks in, falls, and hits her head and loses her memory.

[13:38] Ten years later, they are the same age, roughly.

[13:41] They look exactly the same.

[13:42] They look exactly the same, but they don't know each other anymore.

[13:44] Adam, the boy, works at a repair shop,

[13:47] but he is figuring out a way to make an anti-wrinkle cream out of the pink bee goo

[13:54] that gets turned into pancakes, usually.

[13:56] So this is stupid.

[13:57] Let me explain.

[13:58] The bigu, you put it on your wrinkly bits,

[14:01] and it lifts them up so you're not wrinkly anymore.

[14:03] Because it's attracted to the gravity of the other planet.

[14:05] But that doesn't, like, just because it lifts it up

[14:09] doesn't mean that its skin isn't floppy.

[14:10] You've got to tuck that.

[14:11] No, it totally makes you look young,

[14:13] like happens later in the movie.

[14:14] All right, it slenderizes you somehow, too?

[14:16] Now, if this was a better movie,

[14:17] he would use that stuff to change his face

[14:19] so he had a disguise.

[14:20] Oh.

[14:21] But this is not a better movie.

[14:22] So instead, he decides to sell the rights to Transworld

[14:26] the one corporation in the world that has a skyscraper that connects the two planets

[14:31] and that everybody works at or is oppressed by,

[14:34] and he gets a job there in their endless room of cubicles

[14:37] where people work on the floor and the ceiling.

[14:40] We've also seen that...

[14:43] There's no papers being thrown back and forth or...

[14:46] Yeah, there's that one scene.

[14:47] There's that one, you know, they have the...

[14:50] It's one of those old people claws.

[14:52] Yeah, exactly.

[14:53] That hands paper to people.

[14:54] You'd think they'd just move the floors a little bit closer together to facilitate work, but I guess not.

[15:00] They tried that once, and people just kept bumping their heads.

[15:02] I don't understand why the file could go between planets.

[15:05] Yeah.

[15:06] Well, this is an interesting thing.

[15:08] Well, not interesting, but stupid.

[15:10] Some of the matter between planets falls back between planets and is affected by the gravity of that planet,

[15:17] and some of it you hand between planets, and oh, that's okay.

[15:20] It doesn't catch on fire is what you're saying.

[15:23] Yeah.

[15:23] Now, Kristen Dunst has no memory of him,

[15:26] and she just likes to while away her days dancing at the Café dos Mundos.

[15:31] It means two worlds.

[15:32] Two worlds.

[15:33] When people dance on the floor, and guess what they're also doing?

[15:36] Dancing on the ceiling.

[15:38] Oh, what a feeling.

[15:41] When you're dancing on the ceiling.

[15:44] Ceiling's not a place that you usually dance.

[15:48] But you start to dance, and you can't help but dance.

[15:51] Take a chance.

[15:53] Dance on that ceiling, it's such a feeling, I'll tell you you'll be reeling.

[15:58] Don't go kneeling to kings.

[16:02] For the second time, I am not coming to your musical improv show.

[16:05] You should totally, though.

[16:06] It's called Duets.

[16:07] Hallie and I make up a song.

[16:12] We don't know ahead of time what the song's going to be or even what it's going to be about.

[16:15] Yeah, and it doesn't usually go very well, but it's just like a feeling.

[16:19] When it does go well, it's magic.

[16:20] Hey, let's try it again.

[16:21] Let's start one off and we'll do it.

[16:22] Oh, boy.

[16:23] We watched a movie

[16:25] It was real groovy

[16:28] And then there's a thing we saw

[16:32] Truvy

[16:32] The star of Steel Magnolia

[16:34] Fred Armisen and Kristen Wiig, everybody.

[16:36] Fred Armisen and Kristen Wiig.

[16:37] Oh, I forgot they did that.

[16:38] Well, we do it better.

[16:40] Anyway, so...

[16:41] We totally don't.

[16:41] So he gets a job at this corporation,

[16:44] and it's also the corporation that Kirk and Munce works at,

[16:48] his ex-girlfriend.

[16:49] And if you'll remember, corporations are people.

[16:53] So it's like they're inside of giant people.

[16:54] And the person exists on two planets at once.

[16:58] Yeah, it's the flash of two worlds.

[17:00] What's that person's secret?

[17:02] That's what the point of the movie is.

[17:04] I don't think so.

[17:07] I like your style.

[17:07] Anyway, he befriends a guy named Bob who lives on the upper world.

[17:12] What about Bob?

[17:13] Well, let me tell you what about Bob.

[17:15] He lives on the upper world, for instance.

[17:16] He's not Bill Murray.

[17:17] He loves burgers.

[17:18] He loves stamps.

[17:20] And in exchange for stamps, he helps Adam get some clothing from Upper World

[17:25] so that he can go up to Upper World and ask out Crispin Gunz on a date.

[17:29] All right, so back to the stamps thing.

[17:32] You had some strong opinions.

[17:33] It's never made clear.

[17:34] It's never clearly articulated that he is a stamp collector.

[17:39] There's one brief scene where a stamp box is passed off from one to the other.

[17:45] There might have been a piece.

[17:46] And he, like, looks happy.

[17:47] But we had to look up on Wikipedia that he was a stamp collector.

[17:51] He's cramping for stamps.

[17:52] I'm willing to bet that they mentioned at some point the stamps and we just missed it because we were busy saying,

[17:58] What is with this movie? It doesn't make sense. What's going on? How did this happen?

[18:03] But he is bonkers for stamps. Just having some stamps from the other world.

[18:08] Enough to break the law.

[18:09] Enough to break the only law.

[18:11] God's law?

[18:13] God's law.

[18:13] Robots aren't allowed to kill humans?

[18:15] That's not the law.

[18:17] okay robots are allowed robots have to kill humans no kissing on the law

[18:23] okay the law is stay on your planet oh okay and he helps adam not stay on this planet

[18:33] uh but as a result bob wait is the other she's not called eve is she because it's called eden

[18:39] her name is adam's trying to get back into eden if you know what i mean yep get it all up in her

[18:44] get it oh get it i thought they wanted to say eve but they were like that's too on the nose

[18:48] we'll say even i bet she lives in the nice part she lives on the nice planet let's call her even

[18:53] i mean they almost go as far as having the villain boss named like mr snake or something

[18:58] like that they totally should have done that he's always eating apples uh so bob helps him out but

[19:05] as a result, Bob gets fired

[19:07] for breaking rules.

[19:09] And

[19:10] Adam sneaks up to the

[19:13] upper world and reveals himself. Yet, oddly, they don't fire

[19:16] Adam. Because they don't know he caused

[19:17] the trouble. Well, how do they know that

[19:19] Bob was involved?

[19:22] Because Adam used Bob's name

[19:23] when he started breaking rules.

[19:25] When he went to go see

[19:27] Kirsten Dunst. Yeah, when he started breaking hearts

[19:30] and making farts, he used Bob's name.

[19:32] I don't remember that part.

[19:33] That's how he propelled himself into the other world.

[19:35] But I think this gives us an opportunity to talk about the first time he got in trouble when he went to the other world, which was caused by an urge to go to the bathroom.

[19:46] Oh, yeah, that's true.

[19:47] So he's wearing a suit of lead things that let him stay up in the upper world.

[19:52] Yeah.

[19:53] He's trying to hit on Kristen Dunst, but she doesn't remember who he is.

[19:56] And she says at one point, I don't know why you're telling me all this.

[20:01] Which was the only, like, real sentence in this movie.

[20:05] Yeah, that was, it was when it, you know.

[20:07] It was what I was wondering the whole time.

[20:08] I don't know why you're telling me this.

[20:11] And they go, he runs to the bathroom to, like, hide, oh, his shirt is starting to burn through

[20:17] because he's wearing some stuff from Upper World, oh, from Lower World.

[20:21] So apparently this burning thing is not as I predicted it would be, just a lie to keep

[20:25] the worlds apart.

[20:25] However, I think that is the only time we see the burning actually happening.

[20:29] No, no, because his shoes burn later.

[20:31] Okay.

[20:31] There's some other stuff that burns.

[20:32] But it seems like it's very erratic.

[20:34] Just like with the matter going between worlds.

[20:37] It happens whenever the screenplay needs it to.

[20:38] It doesn't always happen.

[20:39] Yeah, but Dan, everybody burns sometimes.

[20:44] That's inaccurate.

[20:46] Those are the words to the song, right?

[20:47] So what was burning?

[20:48] It wasn't an R.E.M. song.

[20:50] It was an H.E.M. song.

[20:51] Was it the weights he was wearing that was burning?

[20:53] Yeah, what's from the other world?

[20:54] Because the weights were from the upper world.

[20:56] I think he was wearing a shirt from lower world.

[20:59] Why didn't he not wear the shirt then?

[21:01] Why didn't he get a shirt from Upper World?

[21:03] Maybe the vest that the weights were put into?

[21:05] Because remember that guy from the Other World made that vest.

[21:08] Oh, right.

[21:09] Okay.

[21:09] That's a good point.

[21:10] So it was something he was wearing.

[21:11] Anyway, he runs to the bathroom to cool off the heat.

[21:14] And he has to pretend.

[21:16] By taking a hobo bath in the bathroom.

[21:18] In the sink.

[21:19] Yeah.

[21:19] And a guy walks in and goes, uh-oh, I better pretend I'm using the toilet even though he just saw me at the sink washing my hands.

[21:24] And he starts peeing.

[21:26] But uh-oh, his pee is drawn back to the planet he came from.

[21:31] But it wasn't just like he had to pretend to pee.

[21:33] He had to pee a lot.

[21:34] He almost peed in his own face.

[21:36] He peed a lot.

[21:37] He was just like that video of the chimp that pees in his own mouth.

[21:40] The pee, because of weird gravity, goes straight up.

[21:44] Electric yellow pee.

[21:45] Then it starts dripping back down for some reason.

[21:48] No, no, there's the pee alarm.

[21:50] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[21:50] Then it spreads along the ceiling.

[21:53] And they've got a pee alarm on the ceiling just for this exact scenario.

[21:56] In case any downward sneak in to use the bathroom and start peeing all over the ceiling.

[22:00] Oh, what a feeling when you're peeing on the ceiling.

[22:05] Oh, what a feeling.

[22:08] I can't stop peeing because I'm peeing on the ceiling.

[22:12] Anyway, that's what the song was originally about.

[22:14] So the urine alarm goes off.

[22:17] So the urine alarm goes off.

[22:18] And the pee, like you said, Stuart, is bright yellow.

[22:20] It's like he cracked open a highlighter and just started drinking it.

[22:23] He was not very hydrated.

[22:25] Somebody dared him to drink out of a glow stick.

[22:28] In Downworld, ecto-cooler is still sold.

[22:31] It's the only thing they have to drink.

[22:33] So he almost gets caught, and he runs back down.

[22:36] There's a lot of mishigas.

[22:37] Anyway, eventually, he does get caught.

[22:40] He reunites with Kristen Dunst, whose memory comes back.

[22:45] He gets in trouble, and he's on the run from the cops.

[22:47] They go dancing.

[22:48] They go on a date.

[22:49] It's really stupid.

[22:50] The cops chase him out of the club.

[22:52] He goes back to Downworld, and he figures that...

[22:55] Well, he smears some pink shit all over an old lady's face and she looks young again.

[22:59] Yeah, well, his magic beauty cream is working great and they really want it.

[23:04] But they don't want it so much that they let him get away with going to Upper World.

[23:08] And so he goes back to Downworld and they say to him and they arrest Kristen Dunst for –

[23:13] Kristen Dunst and him have sex in the floating in the midair.

[23:16] We don't get to see that, though.

[23:18] We don't see it.

[23:18] We just see them making out forever.

[23:19] There's no penetration.

[23:20] And then the police come by.

[23:22] Wait, did we mention that she has amnesia?

[23:24] We mentioned that she had amnesia.

[23:25] Yeah, yeah, she had amnesia, but she lost her amnesia.

[23:27] Oh, what a feeling when you lost your amnesia on the ceiling.

[23:33] It's like a freesia, which is the kind of drink I think.

[23:38] I don't know.

[23:39] Parisia?

[23:39] I don't think that you actually did make that clear.

[23:42] It's like Uruguayan barbecue parisia when you lose your amnesia.

[23:48] So what's going on?

[23:48] You better not have a seizure because you just lost your amnesia.

[23:53] Live life.

[23:54] kirsten just didn't just forget jim sturges she was hit on the head she was hit on the head

[23:59] so and then she loses she hit her head against a piece of rock there was blood it was not useful

[24:07] as if that changed things no it's like wolverine at the end of x-men origins where he loses his

[24:15] memory because he gets shot in the head with a bullet against his adamantium skull she hits her

[24:19] head on a rock loses her memory and then it just comes back later because i guess she's recognizes

[24:24] him over time uh i don't think she hits her head again which is how she remembers at the scene

[24:29] where he's on stage making the woman's face well she had a dream though before that where she kind

[24:34] of vaguely remembered what him the point is it wasn't cured in the normal way which is have a

[24:39] coconut falling yeah because the gravity would have brought the coconut back to the other world

[24:43] she would let go of it would have just flown up back into the sky someone would have had to pee

[24:47] against the coconut.

[24:48] To push it back down, yeah.

[24:50] At such amazing force

[24:52] that it would hit her head hard enough,

[24:54] the physics would be astounded.

[24:56] I mean, it's possible.

[24:57] Theoretically.

[24:59] It's just fairly possible.

[25:00] In theory, but it's never been done until now.

[25:03] It's too dangerous.

[25:06] You might get urine on you.

[25:09] He resolves to go back to Bottom World

[25:11] because he realizes that he's endangering her,

[25:14] but she's going to go to jail.

[25:15] They drop the charges,

[25:16] but then he's kidnapped,

[25:17] And they say, it turns out when he gave them his magic beauty cream formula, he left out the pink dust made out of bee goo that makes it work.

[25:26] And so they say, give us the secret ingredient or else we'll kill you, I guess, and we'll throw her back in jail.

[25:34] And he's like, oh, what am I going to do?

[25:36] Oh, no.

[25:36] But then Kristen Dunst just kind of goes to Bob's house and says, like, I remember.

[25:43] Make me a suit so I can go visit him.

[25:45] And then Bob figures out how to make the pink goo on his own based off of what...

[25:48] No, he sends him those flowers.

[25:50] Oh, right.

[25:51] And then she takes the flowers to him.

[25:52] Oh, good point.

[25:52] Adam sent Eve Eden flowers.

[25:56] Because you're not allowed to go from down world to up world,

[25:59] but I guess you can deliver packages from one to the other.

[26:03] He gives her flowers with the goo in it,

[26:05] and she gives the goo to Bob,

[26:07] and he figures out how to make the goo

[26:09] and makes a floating blob with a goldfish in it.

[26:12] Yeah.

[26:12] And they just are reunited.

[26:14] I guess the goo stabilizes Kirsten Dunst because she goes down and she's able to hang out with him.

[26:20] Well, and she announces that she's pregnant with twins.

[26:21] So it's perhaps that she's weighted down by his babies inside of her.

[26:25] She's got two half-bloods in her.

[26:27] So she's going to give birth and then, like, rocket back to her own planet?

[26:30] That sounds hilarious.

[26:31] The baby being pushed out is going to propel her back into space.

[26:34] No, they'll smear her with that pink goo.

[26:37] But anyway, it literally ends with...

[26:39] She's going to be smeared in plenty of pink goo.

[26:42] it's messy business giving birth anyway so they uh they kiss and he says something about like

[26:48] that pig stuff it was it wasn't just a you know it wasn't just a new product it was a revolution

[26:55] but that's a story for a different time and then we see that suddenly down world has all these

[27:00] you know rich buildings too and everyone is you know fine and everybody loves each other and kids

[27:07] You're playing tri-D basketball.

[27:09] And a tri-D pool, which looks very dangerous

[27:13] because it's basically just water all around.

[27:16] Yeah, do you dive up or down or what's going on?

[27:19] Yeah.

[27:19] Yeah, but the movie,

[27:21] I do like the fact that the movie cuts off at the end,

[27:23] being like, basically the movie expressly says,

[27:27] somehow our twins saved the world,

[27:30] but we're not going to tell you about it.

[27:31] It's almost like the movie just stopped and went,

[27:34] yada, yada, you get the drill, et cetera.

[27:36] You know how this goes.

[27:37] Love heals everything, whatever.

[27:38] Clearly, it's setting up a sequel.

[27:41] Downside Up?

[27:43] Yeah, Downside Up, where there's two babies

[27:46] that can bounce back and forth between the worlds.

[27:49] They get called World Walkers.

[27:51] It's Downside Up 2, World Walkers.

[27:54] And it turns out there's an...

[27:56] They're like Thing 2 and Thing 1.

[27:57] There's an ancient prophecy.

[27:59] Ancient prophecy.

[28:00] There's a dragon and there's a reformed racist guy

[28:03] who's like, I don't believe in you World Walkers.

[28:05] But then at the end of the movie,

[28:06] when they save him from a rebel's bullet.

[28:09] He's like, oh, you Worldwalkers are okay.

[28:12] Yeah.

[28:12] God dang it, I didn't like him, but now I love him.

[28:16] Yeah, he lives in a shack.

[28:18] He lives in an anti-gravity shack.

[28:21] So this movie, let's just say this at the beginning,

[28:25] to say something positive, it's a beautiful-looking movie.

[28:27] Yeah.

[28:27] It's gorgeously shot, almost too much so,

[28:29] because it becomes static, but it's a series of,

[28:32] it's like playing the game Myst.

[28:33] Everything looks beautiful,

[28:35] even though it is dramatically inert and boring.

[28:37] Yeah, and I would say...

[28:38] It makes no sense.

[28:39] It would definitely be better as a video game.

[28:41] Yeah.

[28:42] For a...

[28:43] We call it Bioshock, upside down.

[28:45] For a movie that's like all CGI, basically.

[28:48] Like, I've seen a lot of CGI movies.

[28:51] Wait, they didn't build all these sets

[28:52] where they're upside down and shit?

[28:53] Wait, those weren't real people?

[28:54] I thought that was shot in China.

[28:55] I thought that was the majesty of China.

[28:57] The majesty of China.

[29:00] That is the ancient Chinese...

[29:03] I'll shut up.

[29:04] Dan, say what you were going to say

[29:06] I think that all CGI movies

[29:10] Often look really antiseptic

[29:11] And boring at this point

[29:13] But this movie still looks fairly pretty

[29:16] It looks very pretty

[29:17] And has a certain amount of groundedness for what it is

[29:20] The lighting feels false

[29:23] But that actually might fit

[29:24] Because if you consider two planets

[29:26] That close to each other

[29:27] There'd be no sunlight

[29:29] There'd be no natural light

[29:30] Well but here's the thing also

[29:31] We brought up the point while we were watching it

[29:34] What is happening on the rest of the planets that is not right next to each other?

[29:37] Like, it's a whole planet.

[29:39] On the other side of it, there's something going on.

[29:40] But this is an allegory.

[29:42] It's not a straight science fiction story.

[29:44] Yeah, and why don't they ever rotate away from each other?

[29:46] They're locked in a gravity trance because they love each other so much.

[29:49] But this is a, because this is a fairy tale.

[29:52] This is not science fiction, but fantasy.

[29:54] And it's making a point about people, which is that, hey, let's not be haters.

[29:59] Sure.

[30:00] And that inequality exists in the world.

[30:02] Yeah, but because this movie is bad at that,

[30:04] you can't help but think about everything about the logic of it.

[30:09] Like the fact, as Hallie said, normally planets have their own orbits.

[30:12] These two are apparently locked together, which maybe I would buy,

[30:16] but they're locked together so tightly that you can literally build a tower

[30:19] between the planets that connects up.

[30:21] They're so close that he falls from one ocean to the other ocean,

[30:25] and he's totally fine, just a little cold.

[30:28] Yeah.

[30:31] Now, Ellie, you love Romeo and Juliet, the Baz Luhrmann production.

[30:36] Oh, I love it.

[30:37] And this is basically a Romeo and Juliet story.

[30:39] I feel like Baz Luhrmann took a terrible play and made it watchable.

[30:41] Yeah, no, this is, it's like you were saying in the beginning, Stuart, when we watched the movie,

[30:46] the planets are like Montagon and it's like Capulon and Montague Six.

[30:51] It's Romeo and Juliet, but the rivalry between the two planets is so undernourished.

[30:58] It's so poorly set up.

[31:00] It's just like, hey, rich people up there, poor people down here.

[31:03] What are you going to do about it?

[31:05] Hey, we can't be together for some reason.

[31:06] You never honestly meet any people who care about these people enough

[31:10] to feed a feud like the Capulets and the Monarchs.

[31:14] Well, it's kind of like the same problem you see in V for Vendetta

[31:18] or even Scarlet Letter, which is like everyone lives by these ironbound rules,

[31:22] but nobody seems to like them or care about them.

[31:25] So, like, every character, like, when Crispin finds out that Adam is from Downworld,

[31:33] I guess when she, like, because she has amnesia, like, she should be disgusted.

[31:38] Crispin?

[31:39] Like, you say, you know, Crispin Gunst.

[31:41] Oh, I was thinking of Crispin Glover.

[31:43] Wait, Crispin Glover was in this?

[31:45] No, it wasn't.

[31:46] No, no.

[31:46] When Kristen, Kirsten, it's hard to say Kirsten.

[31:51] When she finds, like, there should be some moment where she's like,

[31:54] I couldn't be in love with a Downworlder.

[31:56] No, no, no, that's impossible.

[31:57] Their stuff is on sideways.

[31:59] I hear their penises work backwards.

[32:02] And then hamburgers eat people.

[32:06] I have some bad news for you, Elliot.

[32:07] What?

[32:08] I don't know what that bad news could be.

[32:12] Hamburgers eating people would be terrible.

[32:15] They'd just eat your face off.

[32:17] Well, the question would be why are you making hamburgers if they're trying to eat you?

[32:20] You don't make them.

[32:21] They're forged in a laboratory somewhere.

[32:24] Hamburgers are not a naturally occurring object.

[32:26] They're forged in a laboratory?

[32:26] Yeah, you got to put on your welder's gauntlets.

[32:29] Put some ground beef on an anvil.

[32:32] He just had that hamburger, that test tube hamburger.

[32:35] Don't act like the world's not coming to that.

[32:38] Hamburger's eating people?

[32:40] Yeah.

[32:40] Wake up, everybody.

[32:42] I was imagining a hamburger bun that operated like a mouth.

[32:46] I think it would be more like a hamburger blob that absorbs people.

[32:50] Oh, I was imagining talking on a hamburger phone, and then it starts eating your face.

[32:56] Sure, because that's where you're at your most vulnerable is when you're on the phone.

[33:00] I know, especially when you're revealing a secret.

[33:03] I'm really scared of my phone.

[33:07] That was the secret?

[33:10] The hamburger phone knows that already.

[33:12] Yeah, it all laps it up.

[33:14] You should have gotten some distance from the phone before you revealed that secret, to be fair.

[33:18] We put it on speakerphone and get to the other side of the room.

[33:20] Now, the question I have is, if it's a hamburger phone biting you, is it a hamburger eating you or a phone eating you?

[33:25] It's both.

[33:27] Because it's not like they took a hamburger and plugged a cord in it, and now it's a phone.

[33:30] No, that would be silly.

[33:32] But the idea of making a phone that you can eat, that makes a lot of sense right now.

[33:35] It does, because what if you get hungry while you're on a long call?

[33:37] Anyway, I guess what I'm saying is, the rules in this movie are very arbitrary, both the physics rules and the rules the society is governed by.

[33:45] Well, that's the other thing that I wanted to bring up is, like, again, I know it's allegorical,

[33:49] but it's a little weird to be like, okay, well, we got rich planet and poor planet.

[33:53] And they're literally called Up, capital U, and Down, capital D.

[34:00] Like, those are the names of the planets.

[34:02] Yeah, and, like, what are the economics of living on, like, a whole planet that is just, like, poor shacks?

[34:08] Hey, we're going to find out because of climate change and when Elysium goes up in the sky.

[34:14] Don't worry, guys.

[34:15] Go see Elysium a couple weeks ago when this airs.

[34:18] Yeah, it's – I wish that it was not Gravity Planets or if it was that they had not – the scope of it –

[34:27] Or the movie was called Gravity Planets.

[34:29] It was called Gravity Planets and it's about a basketball team called the Gravity Planets.

[34:33] The thing is like the scope of it is so weird because it's like these entire planets are right next to each other.

[34:40] But there's like five people that we see basically.

[34:43] And every conversation anybody has

[34:46] is about either specifically the plot

[34:49] or the fact that there's these two planets.

[34:51] Yeah, at one point, one of the guys says

[34:52] to the main character, one of the other Downworlders,

[34:54] he's like, stop always talking about,

[34:56] you're always talking about Upworld.

[34:57] Why are you always trying to think about Upworld?

[34:59] It's like, well, that's the only thing

[35:01] that anybody talks about ever.

[35:02] Yeah, you know, we could have used

[35:04] like a scene where they all go to the bar

[35:06] and just hang out in Downworld

[35:08] and they're like, let's play some pool.

[35:10] And then they play some pool

[35:11] and then they're like, let's play some ping pong

[35:14] and then they play some ping pong.

[35:15] Basically, we needed more games in this movie, I think, probably.

[35:19] You know, something we could bet on.

[35:21] No, but it would have been better

[35:25] if there were more scenes of characters just existing in their worlds

[35:28] and less of like, it's weird, the plot weirdly moves.

[35:33] It's like a slow, boring movie that also moves too fast.

[35:37] Like, you're just introduced to a character

[35:39] and then like 10 minutes later they're crying

[35:41] because the police are pulling their great aunt away.

[35:43] And it's like, I'm totally, like you said,

[35:45] you're like, I'm not invested in these characters yet.

[35:47] Like, what are you doing?

[35:48] And it's like a huge music swell,

[35:50] and you're like, this isn't worth it.

[35:52] Also, like, we're to believe that these two characters

[35:54] are so in love that they have to find each other years ago,

[35:57] years later, when all we've seen them do

[35:59] is like hop around the forest on each other's shoulders.

[36:01] It's basically like they meet as kids,

[36:03] then suddenly they're teenagers,

[36:05] and they're hopping around, and then that's it.

[36:07] We get two scenes of their relationship,

[36:09] and supposed to be like, yeah, these are history's

[36:11] greatest lovers. This is Antony and

[36:13] Cleopatra right here. They're going to bring two planets

[36:15] together. Oh, right here. This is Scott Summers

[36:17] and Jean Grey. They're just fated to be together.

[36:19] Neither of them are interesting, but their

[36:21] love might be.

[36:22] They have the kind of love that you

[36:25] see in, like, people who live

[36:27] like they just have regular jobs.

[36:29] Maybe they meet through the internet. Maybe they meet

[36:31] at a friend's birthday party. They have

[36:33] a couple dates. They hit it off, like, eight months

[36:35] later. You know what? This is getting pretty

[36:37] serious maybe we should move in together like a year later they're engaged and then they get

[36:41] married and that's their life like it's not it's not a tempestuous passionate love wouldn't you

[36:45] know it like he goes through all this trouble to bang her one time and of course she gets

[36:51] fucking pregnant dude that's crazy with twins it's a real teen mommy oh boy now you you've

[36:58] first off a whole planet first use a condom they used a condom that's the problem but the condom

[37:04] was from the down world

[37:05] so when it got inside her

[37:07] it was like

[37:07] it just pulled right off

[37:09] like you say

[37:09] so now it's just

[37:11] ricocheting around

[37:11] inside her womb

[37:12] exactly

[37:13] here's the thing

[37:14] she spits out

[37:14] a Coney Island whitefish

[37:16] the next day

[37:17] what

[37:17] I don't even know

[37:19] I don't know

[37:20] and don't want to know

[37:21] what that phrase means

[37:22] Stuart you are

[37:27] a wealth of horrible phrases

[37:28] you're just a treasure trove

[37:30] of things

[37:30] I've never heard

[37:31] look it's a movie

[37:34] You are a horrible national treasure.

[37:36] Everyone knows when you have sex in a movie, you get pregnant.

[37:39] It's called Danny's Law from Caddyshack.

[37:42] Where the woman gets pregnant and then is forgotten for the rest of the movie, pretty much.

[37:46] So, look, it's time to wrap this thing up.

[37:51] It's time to tie a bow.

[37:52] Wrap it up in a gravity bow.

[37:54] This is the part of the movie where we make our final judgments.

[37:57] Is this a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie, or a movie you kind of like?

[38:01] Hallie, why don't you start us off?

[38:03] It's a bad, bad movie.

[38:04] I wished I was just hanging out with you guys when I watched the movie.

[38:11] Hey, guess what?

[38:12] You're doing it.

[38:12] You're doing it right now.

[38:13] It was worth it then.

[38:14] My favorite part of Hallie watching the movie was it was really dramatic.

[38:17] And Hallie was like, I really wanted more of a rom-com.

[38:20] And then suddenly the main character got really goofy and started doing lots of jokes and gags.

[38:24] Like peeing on the ceiling.

[38:25] Yeah, like peeing on the ceiling.

[38:26] Okay, I'll admit.

[38:28] That was a good scene.

[38:29] And being in like an absent-minded fuss budget.

[38:31] And suddenly it was like the movie Her to Hallie was like, change course, everybody.

[38:35] I mean, I'm flattered that they were so attentive to my needs, but I still didn't like it.

[38:40] Sorry, guys.

[38:41] I wanted a rom-com, and this is a drom-com.

[38:43] It was really more of a crap-com.

[38:46] But the urine scene was pretty, like, it was so funny because we were watching it,

[38:52] and you hear the pee sound effect, and we were like, wait, but wouldn't it?

[38:56] And it starts floating up to the ceiling, and we were like, oh, no, movie.

[38:59] Oh, no.

[39:00] It's the best urine-going-in-the-wrong-place scene, I think, since Wolf.

[39:03] I think I was most shocked at the fact that, like,

[39:07] the joke of him peeing on the ceiling isn't enough,

[39:09] that they also have to have a specific device that catches the pee on the ceiling.

[39:15] This has happened before.

[39:17] A lot of Downworlders have been sneaking into our bathroom

[39:19] because it's so much cleaner.

[39:20] All for Kirsten Dunst because she was a total slut.

[39:23] She met, like, everyone on that mountain peak.

[39:25] Wow.

[39:27] So you don't know.

[39:27] Oh, sorry.

[39:28] I feel like I was too harsh on that.

[39:31] But guys, he's probably pretty lucky he did a number one

[39:34] and not a number two, right?

[39:35] Oh, you better believe it.

[39:36] Oh, boy.

[39:38] Would he, like, ride that thing all the way back to his world?

[39:40] That's the thing.

[39:44] He never...

[39:44] Slap a saddle on it.

[39:45] The police are chasing him.

[39:48] All he had to do was take a poop and then ride it back to his planet.

[39:51] Going, yee-haw!

[39:54] Just like Dr. Strangelove.

[39:55] Just like at the end.

[39:56] Exactly like Dr. Strangelove.

[39:57] Slim Pickens sitting on a giant poop, crashing towards the ground,

[40:01] waving his cowboy hat, his anti-grav cowboy hat.

[40:04] I called that poop stallion.

[40:07] Dr. Strange poop.

[40:09] We'll meet again.

[40:10] So, Dan, your final judgments.

[40:11] Black beauty.

[40:13] I had eaten a lot of beans before this.

[40:16] It was a bad movie.

[40:20] I can't say anything more.

[40:21] It was a bad movie, I say, too.

[40:23] Stuart, did you like it?

[40:24] Yeah, it was a good, great movie, dude.

[40:27] No, it was not very good.

[40:28] He is a laid-back dude.

[40:30] It was bad.

[40:30] It was good, great.

[40:32] There was pictures.

[40:32] I liked it.

[40:33] No, yeah, it was terrible.

[40:35] It was an interesting gimmick that it didn't work out.

[40:40] Let's say that.

[40:41] It was an obvious gimmick.

[40:42] I'm not going to do this recommendation justice,

[40:44] but if you like this idea at all,

[40:47] you should just go pick up City in the City by China Mieville,

[40:51] which is basically the idea of two cities kind of existing at once

[40:55] But weirdly bleeding into each other

[40:57] It's significantly more interesting than this

[40:59] Now that's a book though

[41:01] That's a book not a movie

[41:02] So if you like a movie in your mind

[41:04] I beat you to it McCoy

[41:06] Not fast enough

[41:07] Hey before we move on to our letters

[41:11] We are recording this a little early

[41:14] We've got a few of these in the bank

[41:16] We had to stockpile episodes

[41:18] Because a bunch of us are going out of town

[41:20] But by the time

[41:22] Just Dan

[41:23] And maybe out of this world

[41:25] I discovered a planet with different gravity

[41:27] And I'm going to go there and see if I can bang me some upside down chicks

[41:30] See how they do it up there

[41:32] I hear they do it crazy stuff

[41:34] Yeah, nutso

[41:35] You don't know what direction you're in

[41:37] Upside down

[41:38] So, no, but hopefully

[41:40] They do it kitty style there

[41:43] What does that mean?

[41:44] It's the opposite of doggy style

[41:46] Oh, they just lie in a sunbeam and not move

[41:48] Kitty's the opposite of a dog?

[41:50] I didn't know that

[41:51] Okay, first off

[41:52] You have to put in the movie Sleepwalkers

[41:54] kitty style is when you do it in a big box of sand sleepwalkers is any judge kitty style is

[42:01] like weird incestuous relationship between a mom cat and a boy cat now you're getting it

[42:07] all right uh but anyway unless something has gone terribly wrong uh we have t-shirts on sale now

[42:14] whoa what space t-shirts no not space t-shirts earth t-shirts yeah so you don't stop getting

[42:21] out your space bucks pull out your cred stick put away your galactic creds you can use normal

[42:30] money on this if you go to astoy merchandise which i believe you can reach directly through

[42:35] the all things comedy website or just google astoy merchandise or go to astoy merchandise.com

[42:40] google astoy merchandise at that point just tell them to google flop house shirts anyway go to

[42:45] astoymerchandise.com

[42:47] E-S-T-O-Y

[42:48] merchandise.com

[42:49] and yeah

[42:50] they should be up now

[42:51] the

[42:52] the first ever

[42:53] Flophouse t-shirts

[42:54] they got our beautiful

[42:55] mugs on them

[42:56] and the name of the podcast

[42:57] and

[42:58] they come in

[42:58] one amazing color

[43:00] you guys have been

[43:01] asking for them

[43:02] and so we finally

[43:03] caved in

[43:03] so if you need something

[43:04] to wear to a graduation

[43:05] the first time you meet

[43:06] your girlfriend's parents

[43:07] a wedding

[43:08] your boyfriend's parents

[43:09] a funeral

[43:09] into space

[43:10] four weddings and a funeral

[43:12] if you're going to

[43:12] the Bratziverse

[43:13] that's the universe

[43:14] where the Bratz live

[43:15] If you're making some kind of weird shrine to murdering us.

[43:18] If you're going to be kidnapped by seven pounds.

[43:20] Yeah, any of those things.

[43:22] Or, hey, look, if you just want a good shirt.

[43:24] Yeah, I mean, to keep the elements off your body.

[43:28] Yep.

[43:29] The sun's an element, right?

[43:32] Let's say yes.

[43:33] If you want something you can pull down to hide your wormy bone.

[43:37] My flop action.

[43:39] Things got weird.

[43:40] Or there's something to pull down to hide your butt from Dan

[43:43] so he doesn't look at it and make a comment.

[43:45] So this is the time of the night where Dan cracks open a giant bag full of letters.

[43:52] What would that be called?

[43:54] The Flophouse Movie Mailbag.

[43:56] Hallie?

[43:57] The Flophouse Movie Mailbag.

[44:00] It's a mailbag full of letters.

[44:04] Not movies, just letters.

[44:08] You're not going to find any betters.

[44:12] Yeah, make it louder, Dan.

[44:14] Anyway, let me show you how it's done, Hallie

[44:17] Me, me, me, me

[44:20] Meow, meow, meow, meow

[44:21] Can I get a high C?

[44:23] Okay, great

[44:24] Flophouse letters

[44:27] Here's some Flophouse letters

[44:30] Take off your fetters

[44:33] Flophouse letters

[44:35] Letters for the Flophouse

[44:37] I'm just a letter

[44:39] Looking for the Flophouse

[44:41] Where can it be?

[44:42] Where can I find it?

[44:44] Dan McCoy, care of the flop house.

[44:47] One, two, three, flop street.

[44:50] Any town, USA.

[44:52] Earth, Milky Way.

[44:55] Why are you blaming me, Dan?

[44:57] I feel like you cued this.

[44:59] The first letter is from Chad, last name withheld.

[45:04] It's Chad Lowe.

[45:05] I only started the podcast at the beginning of April.

[45:07] Chad, the African country, obviously.

[45:10] They all got together.

[45:13] Following a visit to my brother's place where he introduced me to the podcast,

[45:16] I'm already finished with the first 70 episodes.

[45:19] I absolutely love the characters on the podcast.

[45:22] Wait, characters?

[45:24] I absolutely love the characters on the podcast.

[45:26] You mean the people.

[45:27] He says, Sighing Dan is a strong character.

[45:30] No one remembers his birthday.

[45:32] Is that why he's sighing?

[45:34] Or is there more trouble in the relationship with a wife?

[45:36] We always hear that Dan is married, but we never get to hear much about her.

[45:39] Well, that would be weird.

[45:40] Does the pressure make him sigh?

[45:42] is he satisfied with his life he's producing a kick-ass podcast with virtually nothing more

[45:47] than an old rotary form and some copper wire still not satisfied the suspense is killing me

[45:51] will dan get the recognition he deserves will he overcome the cold that holds him back in episode

[45:55] number 70 i assume he does because the podcast continues and dan is the only like 60 more

[46:00] in every episode elliot is also an interesting character oh thank you a veritable computer who

[46:06] wore tennis shoes with his encyclopedic knowledge of film he has not been making the podcast as much

[46:11] since the wedding does this mean his priorities are shifting this is that wedding was three years

[46:15] ago will he abandon his friends for the yoko owner of the podcast he is an emmy will he earn more

[46:21] will he write the ziggy screenplay will he and stewart collaborate on an amazing film about

[46:25] dinosaur riding bears fighting flamethrowers only to see their masterpiece snubbed by the academy

[46:30] at oscar time despite his critical success by snubbed i think he means awarded all of them

[46:34] which brings us to stewart he apparently plays blood bowl what team does he play what other

[46:41] games does he play? He's engaged now.

[46:43] Would you like to play a game? Does that mean

[46:45] he'll have a bachelor party with a tank?

[46:47] Well, that's two different guys.

[46:48] Well, what if they weren't two different guys, Elliot?

[46:50] What if Jigsaw and Freddy were the same guy?

[46:53] What if? What if the comic

[46:55] book, find it at your local retailer?

[46:57] What if Spider-Man was bitten

[46:59] by a radioactive warthog or something?

[47:01] Does that mean he'll have a bachelor

[47:03] party with a tank where he duels a bear with

[47:05] a flamethrower? It didn't happen. What kind of bear?

[47:07] Many North American varieties of bear

[47:09] are facing extinction, so it would be nice if we could do

[47:11] something for the environment and not kill an endangered

[47:13] bear. What kind of flamethrower will we use?

[47:15] They're all endangered when they're around me.

[47:17] One of those single tank ones the Germans use in

[47:19] WW2, or one of the multi-tank American

[47:21] or Russian or Italian flamethrowers?

[47:23] The questions are endless. They certainly seem to be.

[47:25] Yes. I need to get on to episode

[47:27] 71 to find out what happens to my favorite

[47:29] characters and to find out what films they review.

[47:31] Sincerely, Chad, last name withheld.

[47:33] Well, Chad, you got a lot of questions, but they've all been

[47:35] answered by every episode since then, so

[47:37] I don't think we should answer them. I will say that

[47:39] i used to do a live comedy comedy show talk show and around the time that i started dating my now

[47:44] wife uh we did we did a sketch where it was as if the show's biggest fan came out and complained

[47:51] that i had a girlfriend now so it wasn't funny and he referred to my then girlfriend now wife

[47:55] as the yoko ono of the show and my girlfriend was really upset now she's my wife though so

[48:00] we patched everything up um this next uh letter is titled race relations oh this is a heady issue

[48:08] for us to pick up.

[48:08] Hello, peaches.

[48:09] I just finished watching...

[48:11] And Hallie.

[48:11] How did they know

[48:14] Hallie was going to be here?

[48:15] That's weird.

[48:15] I just finished watching

[48:17] the second best movie

[48:17] made in 1997

[48:19] about a volcano.

[48:20] Volcano.

[48:20] Now, I personally,

[48:22] I prefer that Dante speak,

[48:24] but we'll go on.

[48:24] Which is the one

[48:25] where the guy's legs

[48:26] get all melted off.

[48:27] It's called Legcano.

[48:29] As I'm sure you remember,

[48:31] Volcano is a total mess

[48:32] of a movie,

[48:33] but never more so

[48:34] than when it's trying

[48:34] to teach the audience

[48:35] lessons about race relations.

[48:38] don't they have like a black guy and a white guy say like hey i guess we're all threatened by this

[48:41] volcano something like that she's getting to it uh you can almost hear the hollywood execs patting

[48:46] themselves on the back for being so progressive rodney king even gets name checked in one scene

[48:50] the best part is at the end a small adorable white boy is asked to identify his mother

[48:55] mother in a crowd of people covered in ash the camera takes its time cutting from one shot of

[49:01] a black person and a white person talking and the little boy marvels they all look the same

[49:06] it's then we realize that no matter what we look like on the outside we can all come together in

[49:11] time of crisis to be burned alive by a volcano there's something so racist about that too where

[49:16] it's like you know a black person and a white person with ash on their face looks the same

[49:20] no that's terrible that's blackface she asked also the worst batman villain blackface

[49:25] what other movies sandwich feel-good social messaging into incongruous source stories

[49:31] keep up the good work

[49:33] Amy last name withheld

[49:34] clearly Crash

[49:36] the David Cronenberg movie

[49:38] comes to mind

[49:38] no wait

[49:39] what is the social message

[49:40] of that

[49:40] people not being into

[49:41] having sex with wounds

[49:43] wait that's a social message

[49:46] yeah

[49:47] there's a lot of movies

[49:49] that would like

[49:49] I mean there's a lot of movies

[49:51] with social messages

[49:52] kind of crammed in

[49:52] I feel like one of the ones

[49:53] that does it a little better

[49:54] is Inside Man

[49:56] where Spike Lee manages

[49:58] to get a fair amount

[49:59] of social commentary

[50:00] into a bank heist

[50:01] movie uh but what's one where they do and clive owens in that right and clive oh i wonder what

[50:07] he sounds like when he's in that yeah i wonder ali what does clive owens sound like a british

[50:15] person i don't know i didn't that's pretty good that's pretty good but stewart i think you know

[50:21] hello hello it's me ali doing an impression of clive owen ali that's a good impression of clive

[50:28] so have we answered this question i don't know well there's a lot of i feel like there's a lot

[50:35] of movies with like bad environmental lessons thrown into them well yeah like there's the

[50:40] scene in the patriot where donald loge looks to the guy and he's like i'm glad you're not a slave

[50:44] anymore or something oh that's that's a good one what about that uh the julianne moore movie where

[50:50] she's like having the baby and it's a secret she might not be having the baby you know what i mean

[50:56] Okay, internet.

[50:57] No, women are barren.

[50:58] Oh, The Handmaid's Tale?

[51:01] No, women are all barren.

[51:03] Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

[51:05] Well, but that's about a world where the environment has fallen apart.

[51:08] Yeah, so I'm saying.

[51:09] But they do a good job in that.

[51:11] Oh, we're talking about where they do a bad job.

[51:13] Where they kind of shoehorn it in.

[51:14] Oh, well, this movie, it's literally like two worlds collide.

[51:19] They're from different worlds.

[51:22] And downworlders have oil smeared all over them.

[51:26] Yeah, I can think less of incongruous uses of social messages and more just bad social message movies.

[51:35] Like, I mean, like, we might as well have just watched In Time a second time today.

[51:39] Yeah.

[51:40] Because, like, that's the whole, like, it's like, mm, man, rich and poor.

[51:44] Yeah, it's like if In Time and Total Recall had a weird baby that was less fun.

[51:48] But better looking.

[51:49] Oh, totally.

[51:51] There's – I guess maybe in some of the Godzilla movies later on they started putting in environmental messages and perhaps – oh, you know what my favorite one is?

[52:00] I guess it's supposed to be anti-racism.

[52:02] I don't know.

[52:02] It's at the end of Godzilla 2000 where Godzilla is literally destroying the city after saving the world from an alien.

[52:07] And the scientist says – one scientist says to another, why does Godzilla save us every time?

[52:13] And he goes, I don't know.

[52:14] Perhaps it is because we all have a little Godzilla inside of us.

[52:18] And Godzilla is, meanwhile, destroying the city.

[52:20] He's killing thousands.

[52:22] But they're like, well, that Godzilla is a good fella.

[52:24] I guess we're all a little bit Godzilla.

[52:26] And then it says the end question mark.

[52:27] This is just a quick one.

[52:30] This is from Danielle, last name withheld.

[52:33] She says, dear floppers, just wanted to express my enthusiasm and love for your show.

[52:38] My seven-year-old son, who has heard...

[52:41] Danielle Kalin.

[52:41] What?

[52:42] I didn't even know.

[52:43] Seven-year-old son, huh?

[52:44] My seven-year-old son, who has heard approximately eight minutes of a podcast,

[52:48] because language and just not for him and his four-year-old sister yet.

[52:51] Not appropriate.

[52:51] Has become obsessed with your show.

[52:53] He heard about it on Parade magazine.

[52:55] Every time he arrives home and hears me listening to something in the kitchen while I make dinner,

[53:00] he demands, is this the Flophouse?

[53:02] I love those guys.

[53:03] Oh, that's sweet.

[53:04] I don't know what you put into those eight minutes, but it has him hooked.

[53:06] I can't wait until he's old enough that we can listen together and then go out and rediscover Castle Freak.

[53:11] Keep up the good work, Danielle, last name with L.

[53:13] Oh, that's nice.

[53:13] I bet we were talking about boobs or something, and he was like,

[53:15] Eight-year-olds love boobs.

[53:18] It's real.

[53:19] Madre de Dios, the legends are true.

[53:23] But that's adorable.

[53:26] I'm glad that he likes the Flophouse.

[53:27] Yeah, not for kids, but...

[53:29] No, Rated R is playing at...

[53:31] Your ears.

[53:32] Right now.

[53:33] Rated R.

[53:35] So this last letter...

[53:37] Starring Rated R.

[53:40] As Rated X.

[53:42] And featuring Rated G.

[53:46] As rated NC-17.

[53:48] Miscasting.

[53:50] That seems awful.

[53:51] I think that might be against the law.

[53:53] It's an edgy movie.

[53:54] This last letter is titled...

[53:57] Rated PG-13.

[53:58] Is titled Complaints.

[54:00] Maybe against your laws, upworlder.

[54:03] To be fair, I am the only upworlder.

[54:07] Yeah, we're all from downworld.

[54:09] We all got grime on our faces.

[54:11] This letter is titled Complaints.

[54:13] Great.

[54:14] It seems there's a lot of them.

[54:16] Until this March, your awards flop-tacular episodes had regular episode numbers.

[54:21] Episode 11, episode 32, episode 76.

[54:23] Is this about whether it fits into the regular episode numbering or not?

[54:27] They were all awards flop-taculars, but your latest awards flop-tacular lacks a number.

[54:32] It was directly preceded by episode 120, The Paperboy, and directly followed by 121, The Ocean Lobster.

[54:38] Superman has a red cape, but in one panel in this issue from 1975, he has a blue cape.

[54:43] Please explain.

[54:44] Will I have to renumber all my saved episodes from now on?

[54:47] Is the 2013 Awards Loptacular episode 120.5?

[54:52] I need answers.

[54:53] Yes, please, renumber all your episodes.

[54:55] Does he burn them all onto cassette tapes and then files them into some kind of evidence dungeon?

[55:00] Please tell me this was from the Library of Congress, because maybe then I could understand it.

[55:04] Do you curate these questions?

[55:06] That is an eternal question, Hallie.

[55:10] I think the I think the crying with boobs letter proves that Dan does not curate these.

[55:14] This is from one OCD.

[55:16] So second complaint.

[55:19] Also, I've been impressed with the smooth and entertaining way you've integrated your new advertising commitments into the show.

[55:25] But I miss those intervals in the early episodes where Dan would insert what appeared to be snippets recorded after the main recording session to promote the Flophouse in one way or another and ask for support.

[55:35] I was really hoping to hear Dan break in with a bit he'd recorded after the other peaches had left

[55:39] and say something like, wow, those two are jerks.

[55:42] Well, God knows I'd like to, but...

[55:45] I think the evidence is clear that we're jerks. He doesn't need to say it.

[55:48] I'll be honest, part of the reason I've stopped putting those bumpers in is we've gotten too many letters.

[55:52] I kind of almost want to keep the email a little difficult to find now.

[55:57] Well, I think...

[55:58] An embarrassment of riches over here.

[55:59] I think we get just the right amount of letters, but...

[56:02] You hear that? He's saying he doesn't want to hear from you guys.

[56:05] Don't listen to them.

[56:06] No, I love it, but there's such a deluge

[56:08] that we can only get to so many on the air.

[56:10] That's true, and we can't reply to all of them.

[56:12] So I guess back then we were trying more to get listener feedback.

[56:16] And now you guys have been so great in writing to us

[56:20] and giving us lots of jokes and memories and complaints.

[56:23] And communicating on our Facebook page.

[56:25] And the Facebook page has gotten so big that, like,

[56:28] yeah, we don't need to remind you of what you're listening to.

[56:32] I will still urge you, if you like the show, to rate it positively on iTunes.

[56:36] Yeah, we could use more iTunes reviews.

[56:38] But don't write us a letter.

[56:40] If you feel moved to donate to cover our operating costs,

[56:45] you can do that through the All Things Comedy website.

[56:47] But that's about it.

[56:48] Or buy a shirt.

[56:49] What about writing them a letter?

[56:51] You can write us a letter.

[56:53] And please do write us a letter.

[56:54] But we really apologize that we can't get you a letter.

[56:56] Are you suggesting writing the listeners a letter?

[56:58] No, I'm saying...

[57:00] We'll write you a letter.

[57:01] Dear listeners, this is the Flophouse.

[57:03] Sorry we haven't been in touch.

[57:04] We've been getting a lot of letters.

[57:06] We've been getting a lot of letters, and we have our own lives.

[57:08] Back off, okay?

[57:09] We don't live for you.

[57:10] You know what?

[57:11] I can't even finish this letter.

[57:12] Love, the Flophouse.

[57:13] But we do need more iTunes positive reviews.

[57:16] So please do, if you like it, if you like this podcast.

[57:20] Or you just want to write Elliot's voice is annoying five stars.

[57:23] As long as the star count is high, you can say whatever you want about my annoying voice.

[57:28] That seems like a popular comment.

[57:30] And the last complaint in this complaint's email...

[57:33] Oh, the letter's still going on, huh?

[57:35] And another thing, you occasionally refer to masturbating to a film or scene

[57:39] as though it was analogous to singing along to a musical number.

[57:43] Yeah, totally, as we're adding the experience.

[57:45] I believe the correct preposition is over, as some pervasoid might say,

[57:49] hey guys, I've been masturbating over the tentacle vaccine and Howard the Duck,

[57:53] and it really gets me hot.

[57:54] You're sincerely my classmate with health.

[57:56] Masturbating over sounds like you're getting gunk all over your DVDs.

[57:59] It sounds like you're hovering over...

[58:02] When you masturbate to a scene from a movie,

[58:04] you stand up right by the TV

[58:06] because you want to feel that static electricity

[58:09] on your ball hairs.

[58:10] I'm going to stop talking now.

[58:13] I've made Dan uncomfortable.

[58:16] You do it to it as if the scene is a conductor

[58:19] and you are an instrument.

[58:20] It's telling you the rhythm.

[58:23] It's telling you when and where to touch.

[58:25] I'm glad that we were able to clear up this.

[58:29] meh i don't have anything to say so i think we're using the correct preposition you're just

[58:36] perpetuating gender stereotypes as men as chronic masturbators and women as bashful

[58:42] what if there was a movie called chronic masturbator and it's about a guy whenever

[58:46] he masturbates he travels through time it's chrono masturbate oh i guess that would be it yeah

[58:53] It would be called chrono-o-no

[58:55] Chrono-o-no-nator

[58:57] Yeah, chrono-o-no-nator

[58:58] He's got a single

[59:00] The government invented a device called

[59:03] The chrono-o-no-tron

[59:04] It's a time machine powered by masturbation

[59:07] Now when you go back in time, do not masturbate on a butterfly

[59:10] Whatever you do

[59:11] You could change the course of sexual history

[59:14] There's your movie

[59:18] What if I just masturbate to a butterfly

[59:20] That's fine, but not over a butterfly

[59:22] It did not masturbate over it.

[59:23] That's a crazy thing to say.

[59:25] What are you saying?

[59:25] If you're really turned on by that butterfly

[59:26] and you want to masturbate to it,

[59:27] then whip it out and go right ahead.

[59:29] No, do it into a jar and then seal the jar

[59:32] and take it back with you to the future.

[59:34] Yeah, because you don't want to leave it there.

[59:35] Why would you take it?

[59:36] You could bury it.

[59:37] No, don't bury it.

[59:37] But what if you buried it?

[59:38] What if it leaks and suddenly there's a tree with your DNA in it?

[59:41] You've got to take it with you.

[59:42] You could destroy the future.

[59:44] Although, if you take it, are you going back in time?

[59:47] Are you going into the future?

[59:47] So Chrono Orninator would have a giant jar of masturbation.

[59:49] Well, if you go back to the future, you'd get into the future, and then you'd have a bunch of babies in your jar.

[59:54] No, that's not how it works.

[59:55] Sperm doesn't turn into babies over time.

[59:58] No, I'm pretty sure that's how that works.

[59:59] No, that's not exactly how it works.

[1:00:01] Yeah, I know how it works.

[1:00:01] We're going to have to have a talk after this.

[1:00:03] So anyway, if anyone wants to buy the rights to Crono-Oninator...

[1:00:08] He'd have to wear goggles where the goggles are little time pieces, and every time he climaxes, they spin backwards.

[1:00:13] And his eyes go cross-eyed like in an 80s movie.

[1:00:17] Yeah, you can't see it, though, because there's clocks.

[1:00:19] Don't worry about it.

[1:00:20] So, man.

[1:00:23] We're being pulled back into the time rift.

[1:00:25] Masturbate harder.

[1:00:26] As I thought would probably be the case with Four Hosts.

[1:00:29] We wasted a bunch of time.

[1:00:30] We wasted a bunch of time.

[1:00:31] But quickly, we should do our last segment, which is where we recommend movies that we've seen that we actually liked.

[1:00:38] Before I recommend a movie, I'm going to recommend you going over to allthingscomedy.com, our podcast comedy network.

[1:00:46] There's a lot of great podcasts there, a lot of comedians.

[1:00:49] There's information about upcoming shows, including ours, when we do them occasionally.

[1:00:53] Yeah, do it, allthingscomedy.com.

[1:00:57] Do you have a movie to go along with that?

[1:00:59] And I'd like to recommend a movie, which Dan may have already recommended, I don't care, called Dread 3D.

[1:01:05] Did you recommend that?

[1:01:06] I think I did, but that's fine.

[1:01:07] I'm going to recommend it anyway.

[1:01:08] It stars Carl Urban as the titular behelmeted law enforcer.

[1:01:13] And he basically goes up and down a giant apartment complex,

[1:01:16] blasting dudes, going into slow-mo.

[1:01:19] Who gives a shit?

[1:01:20] He throws a chick out a window.

[1:01:22] Yeah, just watch it.

[1:01:24] If you haven't already seen it, you should watch it,

[1:01:26] because it's totally great.

[1:01:26] I love that your recommendations are never plot summaries.

[1:01:28] It's always like when Joe Bob Briggs is introducing a movie,

[1:01:31] and he's like, this has got eight moves,

[1:01:33] there's wire foo, there's blender foo, there's tennis foo.

[1:01:36] Yep.

[1:01:38] What I'm saying is you're the Joe Bob Briggs for our generation.

[1:01:41] Stuart's Psychotronic Dictionary of Film.

[1:01:43] So I am reinforcing a Dan recommendation, Dread 3D.

[1:01:48] Watch it in 2D if you have to.

[1:01:49] It gives a shit.

[1:01:50] I'd like to recommend for fans of this podcast, I assume you like good bad movies on occasion.

[1:01:56] And I watched Miami Connection.

[1:01:59] I've been holding off on it because I thought I might screen it myself.

[1:02:03] But I found out that many of my friends who appreciate bad movies had already seen it.

[1:02:10] Like me.

[1:02:11] Yeah, so I was like, eh, I'll just watch it, because my other friend was going to screen it, and I was like, I'll go hang out with him.

[1:02:17] And it is great.

[1:02:19] It is not necessarily, like, I don't think it's as high a tier as, like, The Room or Troll 2, but it is definitely in that second tier of very funny, bad movies.

[1:02:30] The plot is so crazy.

[1:02:34] Like, there's a rock band that is into Taekwondo, and they get into a fight with, like, a gang.

[1:02:41] with drug dealing ninjas yeah again well like the gang seems mad because like the brother of one of

[1:02:46] the sis the sister who's in the band and then there's also like the fact that the like another

[1:02:50] band is mad that they took their band's job so they also fight with them there and then all of

[1:02:55] a sudden there's uh central florida ninjas for some reason uh but it is their natural habitat

[1:03:01] yeah it's a barrel of laughs and very quickly uh not a movie but a book um i uh my wife got me from

[1:03:10] my birthday harpo speaks harpo's autobiography from the march brothers which is a book you mean

[1:03:16] oprah yeah oprah's autobiography a book that i read several times when i was a kid and but hadn't

[1:03:21] read read in several years i'm reading right now and i'm remembering how much i love it

[1:03:25] and the the reason is like it's not just a document of the march brothers whom i love

[1:03:30] but it also talks a lot of like it harpo had an amazing life you hear about uh growing up in new

[1:03:37] york in tenement new york uh as the children of immigrants you hear about early vaudeville

[1:03:43] you um learn about like harpo uh basically brushed shoulders with all of the um important

[1:03:50] literary and society figures of the day because he became part of the algonquin roundtable group

[1:03:56] there's a story in there i believe about ending up nude in front of george bernard shaw yeah that's

[1:04:01] pretty amazing um there's tales of the depression there's talk about like he did a tour in russia

[1:04:07] at a time that no one

[1:04:08] wished Russia...

[1:04:09] He was the first American

[1:04:10] to perform in Russia

[1:04:11] after the Russian Revolution.

[1:04:12] Yeah.

[1:04:12] He basically...

[1:04:13] He just had an amazing life

[1:04:15] and he remembers

[1:04:15] a lot of amazing stories

[1:04:17] that he and his ghostwriter

[1:04:19] tell in a very...

[1:04:21] Skooki!

[1:04:23] So, even if you're not a fan

[1:04:25] of the Marx Brothers necessarily,

[1:04:27] it's just a great memoir.

[1:04:30] So, I recommend that too.

[1:04:31] This has been The Page House.

[1:04:32] Yeah.

[1:04:33] Book recommendations.

[1:04:34] The Page Master.

[1:04:35] This has been Macaulay Culkin.

[1:04:37] against the Pagemaster featuring Leonard Nimoy.

[1:04:39] And a power glove.

[1:04:40] I think that we forgot to warn you about this.

[1:04:42] That's the wizard.

[1:04:42] They're the same guy.

[1:04:44] Elliot warned me.

[1:04:45] Well, I would say if you want to venture out

[1:04:51] into the broader world

[1:04:54] and go see a movie in the theaters right now.

[1:04:56] Okay, leave your troll cave.

[1:04:58] I recently saw The Act of Killing.

[1:05:03] It's a great movie for the whole family.

[1:05:06] A lot of laughs, a lot of romance.

[1:05:09] I feel good all around.

[1:05:12] No, it's a really intense documentary about the genocide that occurred in 1965 in Indonesia.

[1:05:20] And it is fucked up, okay?

[1:05:25] It's not like most genocides.

[1:05:26] It's fucked up, you guys.

[1:05:28] And it is worth seeing.

[1:05:32] So I would recommend it.

[1:05:33] It's not congruous with your earlier description of active killing.

[1:05:36] Where you described it as a family failed.

[1:05:38] Your descriptions really ran the gamut.

[1:05:42] Listen, it's what you want it to be.

[1:05:47] It's everywhere you want it to be.

[1:05:49] Check your brain at the door.

[1:05:51] Act of killing, Indonesian genocide.

[1:05:53] First, I'd like to back up and reinforce two recommendations Dan and Stuart gave in earlier episodes this weekend.

[1:06:01] And that was since the last recording, I saw Pacific Rim that Stuart recommended.

[1:06:05] And Castlefront.

[1:06:06] Which Dan recommended.

[1:06:07] And I saw Wake and Fear, which Dan recommended.

[1:06:10] And they were both great.

[1:06:12] So, Wake and Fright?

[1:06:13] Wake and Fright.

[1:06:14] Wake and Fright.

[1:06:15] So, Pacific Rim is probably not in theaters anymore because it didn't do that well.

[1:06:18] But if it is and you haven't seen it, go check it out.

[1:06:20] I think it's doing really well in Russia.

[1:06:21] So, totally go to Russia and China.

[1:06:23] I don't give a shit.

[1:06:24] By the way, did you guys look up on the Wikipedia page?

[1:06:28] It said that tonight's movie, Upside Down, the first place it was released was Kazakhstan.

[1:06:32] Yeah.

[1:06:34] Just a fun fact.

[1:06:35] You can buy it at Kazakhstan if you want to watch Upside Down.

[1:06:38] I mean, or you can watch it here.

[1:06:40] Well, I could see why it would play really well with a Kazakhstani audience.

[1:06:44] They love Upside Down pee jokes.

[1:06:46] And Wake and Fright, the Australian movie, is on DVD now,

[1:06:52] and it is a harrowing tale.

[1:06:53] And Pacific Rim is balls-to-the-wall action, monsters fighting robots.

[1:06:57] But the movie I'd like to recommend myself is a French film called Bed and Board,

[1:07:02] directed by François Truffaut.

[1:07:04] It's the fourth in his Antoine Donnell series of films following the life of his kind of fictionalized alter ego, Antoine Donnell.

[1:07:12] And by this point, he's married to his wife, Christine, and it's about them starting a home, starting a family, and his infidelities that almost wreck their marriage.

[1:07:23] But the way it's made, it's almost like they cut it together from a season of the sitcom called Antoine and Christine.

[1:07:31] There's a lot of really funny parts, and it's very incidental.

[1:07:34] There's not like a driving plot necessarily, but it holds together really well.

[1:07:39] And there's a lot of little neat moments in it that feel like stuff that was ripped off by kind of indie filmmakers and Wes Anderson-y types in recent years.

[1:07:49] But it's the 70s, so they feel fresh and new.

[1:07:51] The one thing I would say against it is it treats marital infidelity a little lightly, but hey, it's France.

[1:07:57] What are you going to do?

[1:07:58] Church and La Femme.

[1:07:59] Dude, they're all doing it.

[1:08:01] kale fromage and all that stuff so what a cheese but it's thanks dr translator but it's a uh but

[1:08:08] it's a really enjoyable quality film md uh that's my new show on fox yeah he's not my diagnosis is

[1:08:17] french uh and it's called bed and board and i recommend it so a shitload of movies two books

[1:08:27] We recommended everything tonight, man.

[1:08:28] Yeah.

[1:08:30] But not upside down.

[1:08:32] Don't watch that.

[1:08:33] Don't go see that.

[1:08:33] So this is the time, my saddest time on the podcast.

[1:08:38] We have to say goodbye.

[1:08:39] I'd like to thank Hallie for dropping by and confirming that Stuart is a cool, chill party dude.

[1:08:45] That was the whole purpose?

[1:08:46] What's going on?

[1:08:47] I thought this was a tryout where you were trying to replace me.

[1:08:51] We wanted to see if she could hold her own with boner jokes, and she could do it.

[1:08:56] So, Stuart, watch your back and watch your boner.

[1:08:58] You missed the dirtiest joke of the night happened off the air.

[1:09:03] And that was Allie talking about on the Upside Down World,

[1:09:06] you had reverse orgasms where cum shot back up into your body.

[1:09:11] And then she giggled about it for about ten straight minutes.

[1:09:17] Yeah.

[1:09:17] It's late, okay?

[1:09:19] So, anyway.

[1:09:21] You guys try it.

[1:09:23] Getting the cum.

[1:09:26] Come squirt it up your body, I guess.

[1:09:28] I don't know why we're talking about this.

[1:09:29] This is so gross.

[1:09:30] Okay.

[1:09:31] So I guess what I'm saying is, good night, everyone.

[1:09:34] For the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:09:36] Hey, I've been Stuart Wellington.

[1:09:39] I remain Elliot Kalin.

[1:09:40] And I am Hallie Haglund.

[1:09:42] Good night, everyone.

[1:09:43] Boom.

[1:09:44] A filthy foursome.

[1:09:46] Coney Island whitefish?

[1:09:47] What the hell is that?

[1:09:47] It's a used condom.

[1:09:48] Oh, I see.

[1:09:49] Is that a high enough volume?

[1:09:55] Be loud, Allie.

[1:09:56] I think you should probably be a little louder than that.

[1:09:58] In your face, add a little more attitude.

[1:10:00] More toot, get a little rude.

[1:10:03] Sure.

[1:10:03] Allie, lose the toot, dude.

[1:10:06] Allie, it's pointed slightly away from you,

[1:10:09] so you can be a little louder than normal.

[1:10:11] I'll be louder, or try to be.

[1:10:13] No, that's really loud.

[1:10:14] Not that loud.

The Flop House: Episode #134 - Upside Down

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