The Flop House: Episode #136 - ATM

[0:00] On this first Shocktober episode of 2013, we discuss ATM, the movie that really captures

[0:07] the horror of watching ATM.

[0:37] Welcome to the Flophouse, I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:44] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:46] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:48] You guys expecting me to do something?

[0:50] Hey.

[0:51] What's up?

[0:52] Hey.

[0:53] You looking at the calendar?

[0:54] You having a look at the calendar?

[0:55] I don't know.

[0:56] I heard the theme music.

[0:57] I heard the theme music kick in.

[0:58] Dan, you know that my parents were killed by a calendar.

[1:01] I'm sorry.

[1:02] Calendar man?

[1:03] It's a man calendar.

[1:04] It's a very special time of year.

[1:06] A man is a man bitten by a radioactive calendar.

[1:09] Wait.

[1:10] And from that point on, you have the power to produce one Farsight cartoon a day.

[1:14] Man calendar.

[1:16] They're mostly about cows.

[1:17] Basically, it's Gary Larson.

[1:18] I mean, the thing is, once you see it, you flip ahead to see the future ones, and then

[1:21] once they come up, you're like, yeah, I saw this one.

[1:23] I get it.

[1:26] When you buy a page a day Farsight calendar, what you're really buying is a hard-to-read

[1:30] book of Farsight cartoons.

[1:34] A book that you throw away daily.

[1:36] It's a poorly formatted book of Farsight cartoons that you flip through once and then throw

[1:40] away.

[1:41] It's like an advent calendar.

[1:43] Yeah.

[1:44] That doesn't make you fat.

[1:45] Just kidding, Gary Larson.

[1:46] I heart you.

[1:47] And you'll work.

[1:48] So, it's Shocktober.

[1:51] The most wonderful time of the year.

[1:53] Yay!

[1:54] I was shocked.

[1:55] Now, Dan, is it called Shocktober because of the electricity?

[1:57] No.

[1:58] It's because of the fear it strikes into the hearts of all.

[2:03] Are you shocked that I didn't make a joke there?

[2:05] Why are you looking at me weird?

[2:06] I thought you'd do a sound effect or something.

[2:07] Yay!

[2:08] Yeah, there you go.

[2:09] We're like a Shocktober...

[2:12] Yeah, you gotta see what I was doing instantly.

[2:14] Yeah, it was a change you forged in life, Stuart.

[2:16] He's dead.

[2:17] He's dead.

[2:18] He's here to teach us a lesson.

[2:20] We're both visited by the ghost, Mr. Willington.

[2:22] Yeah, we're real Jacob Marley.

[2:24] Tonight, you'll be visited by three spirits, whiskey, rum...

[2:29] Okay, and come up with a third teetotaler?

[2:31] Yeah.

[2:32] Vermouth.

[2:33] Yeah, all right.

[2:34] Barely.

[2:35] It's kind of a gross one.

[2:36] It's a wine.

[2:37] It's a fortified wine.

[2:38] But...

[2:39] Bartles and James.

[2:40] No.

[2:41] Okay, that's a brand of wine.

[2:42] Cooler.

[2:43] Cooler than wine?

[2:44] Wine with sunglasses on.

[2:46] All right, yeah.

[2:47] Yeah, you aced it.

[2:48] You aced the test.

[2:49] Oh, good.

[2:50] Congratulations.

[2:51] So I'm president of bars now?

[2:52] Yeah.

[2:53] Put on these sunglasses.

[2:54] Now you are a cool dude.

[2:55] You become a president by passing a test, I guess.

[2:57] So it's Shocktober, and what does that mean, Daniel?

[3:00] It means we watch nothing but horror movies...

[3:03] Trouble.

[3:04] We watch nothing but trouble, the Dan Aykroyd masterpiece.

[3:07] We watch horror movies for the month of October, which means we watch two horror movies.

[3:12] Sometimes three.

[3:13] Well, not this year.

[3:14] A few things delight me more than the excitement of Flophouse fans when Shocktober is arriving,

[3:18] knowing that...

[3:19] All the speculation.

[3:20] It just means two horror movies.

[3:22] In a row.

[3:23] And we often watch...

[3:24] Rather than two horror movies separated by maybe a month.

[3:27] Separated by maybe a Katherine Heigl romantic comedy or an action film.

[3:31] But we love that you're so devoted to Shocktober.

[3:33] It truly is, as Dan said, the best time of the year.

[3:37] And tonight we watched...

[3:38] To me, this is why we do the podcast.

[3:40] Because I think when Dan and I first...

[3:42] All of the months are bullshit.

[3:43] When Dan and I first started podcasting without actually recording it and just sitting around

[3:46] bullshitting over a bad movie, it was primarily the horror movies.

[3:48] It's not podcasting.

[3:49] That's not...

[3:50] Wait, what's a podcast then?

[3:51] You would have to be recording it.

[3:52] Oh, okay.

[3:53] And then putting it...

[3:54] In a pod.

[3:55] Putting it in a pod and burying it for a hundred years.

[3:57] And shooting it to earth.

[3:58] Okay.

[3:59] Because Krypton is going to explode.

[4:00] Oh, man.

[4:01] Oh, man, that's quite a shock.

[4:02] Yeah.

[4:03] Tober.

[4:04] Stefanie...

[4:05] Tober Grace.

[4:06] Let's get a little...

[4:07] Let's...

[4:08] You already know this because you watched...

[4:09] You looked at the...

[4:10] We watched a horror movie tonight.

[4:11] Or was it a horrible movie?

[4:12] Well, let's find out later.

[4:13] Yeah, we got a couple minutes.

[4:14] What was the movie, Daniel?

[4:15] It was a little movie called ATM.

[4:16] Antiem?

[4:17] Like from Wizard of Oz?

[4:18] ATM.

[4:19] Yeah.

[4:21] The pretzel place.

[4:22] Oh, Antiem's Pretzels.

[4:23] The pretzels are killing people.

[4:24] The letter A period.

[4:25] The letter T period.

[4:26] The letter M period.

[4:27] But without the periods.

[4:28] Oh, okay.

[4:29] Okay.

[4:30] ATM.

[4:31] So it stood for a terrible movie?

[4:32] Yeah.

[4:33] It was the porn abbreviation for ass to mouth.

[4:34] That's what we watched tonight.

[4:35] Whoa.

[4:36] Whoa.

[4:37] What?

[4:38] Whoa.

[4:39] What?

[4:40] Whoa.

[4:41] Inappropriate.

[4:42] Stuart.

[4:43] Why would you say that?

[4:44] Why did I say that with Dan's face?

[4:45] Last...

[4:46] Last...

[4:47] Last...

[4:48] Last...

[4:49] Last...

[4:50] Last...

[4:51] Last...

[4:52] Last...

[4:53] Last...

[4:54] Last...

[4:55] Last...

[4:56] I checked this was Shocktober and not inappropriate language tober.

[4:57] I apologize.

[4:58] So ATM...

[4:59] This has always been an all ages podcast.

[5:00] Yeah, thank you.

[5:01] It's primarily for the kids.

[5:02] For the fucking kids.

[5:03] It's like the hula hoop.

[5:04] You know, for kids.

[5:05] For kids.

[5:06] It's a dingus for kids.

[5:07] So Dan, ATM, that sounds like one of those horror movies about an evil ATM that eats

[5:11] people.

[5:12] Recommended.

[5:13] Or maybe it's like an ATM possessed by the soul of a killer.

[5:15] It's like The Lift or Deathbed, the bed that eats people.

[5:18] Yeah, or Chucky, the doll movie.

[5:19] Or Ginger Dead Man, the gingerbread man that kills you.

[5:22] Yeah, or The Beast with Five Fingers.

[5:24] Or Jack Frost about that terrifying Michael Keaton.

[5:29] I like...

[5:30] I'm surprised...

[5:31] If I wrote a Simpsons spec script, and this is why I'm never getting hired by the Simpsons,

[5:35] I'd write a joke where they rent Jack Frost and it's a terrifying horror movie and they

[5:39] go, ah!

[5:40] And they return to the video store, get the Michael Keaton Jack Frost and then go, ah!

[5:43] And return to the video store.

[5:45] 1% of the audience would love that joke.

[5:47] Yeah.

[5:48] So now we watched a movie about...

[5:50] ATM.

[5:51] People trapped in an ATM kiosk.

[5:54] Now, there's...

[5:55] That sounds pretty scary.

[5:56] What would be scarier than...

[5:57] Did they not get money out?

[5:58] It's the middle of the night.

[5:59] Someone stole their identity.

[6:00] It's the middle...

[6:01] Oh, man.

[6:02] No, they didn't.

[6:03] It's the middle of the night.

[6:04] It's like the movie Identity.

[6:05] Identity.

[6:06] That's what happens where John Gizak's identity gets stolen by that little kid.

[6:08] Yeah, by Melissa McCarthy.

[6:11] Now you've got a movie.

[6:12] Okay, now I'm interested.

[6:15] Melissa McCarthy plays a little kid and she's in the brain of John Gizak.

[6:18] Melissa McCarthy just stole John Gizak's identity.

[6:20] But which identity was it?

[6:22] Oh, no.

[6:23] It was Pruitt-Taylor-Vince.

[6:24] Okay, there's your movie.

[6:25] It's called Identity Thief.

[6:26] No, it's called...

[6:27] You know what it's called?

[6:28] Multiple Identity Thief.

[6:30] And you steal the identity financially of a crazy person and that crazy person's other

[6:35] identity has come to kill you for revenge.

[6:37] So it's like the crook is on the run being chased by a killer who could take any form

[6:43] from his identities.

[6:44] That's amazing.

[6:45] Where can I mail my $7,500,000?

[6:48] So you can mail it to my hand right now.

[6:51] Okay.

[6:52] Just write on the envelope, Elliot's hand, then put it in my hand.

[6:55] Okay.

[6:56] And then I'll write that movie for you.

[6:57] Thank you.

[6:58] How many nude scenes did you want in that movie?

[6:59] Fifty.

[7:00] Fifty.

[7:01] You got it.

[7:02] So all of them.

[7:03] Wow.

[7:04] I didn't know there were fifty scenes in a movie.

[7:05] I just learned something.

[7:06] It will be in every three minutes.

[7:07] I want a nude scene.

[7:08] Okay, so ATM.

[7:09] Should we talk about what this movie's about?

[7:10] Because the plot is very thick.

[7:11] I thought you said it was about people trapped in a fucking ATM.

[7:13] So we're introduced to a colorful cast of characters.

[7:16] There's a blonde guy, brunette guy, and Alice Eve, blonde girl.

[7:20] They all work at a Wall Street company, and the blonde guy is sad.

[7:24] It's Christmas, but the blonde guy's sad because he just lost one of his clients' money.

[7:29] They have a holiday party.

[7:31] He's not going to go to it.

[7:33] Then he does, which is good because Alice Eve, his co-worker that he has a crush on, is there.

[7:37] And who wouldn't?

[7:38] Alice Eve.

[7:39] He's a 10, dude.

[7:41] She's out of my league.

[7:43] I wasn't going to say it, Dan, but I'm glad that someone said it.

[7:46] You're totally wrong.

[7:47] She is Star Trek.

[7:48] You are totally in her league.

[7:49] Oh, thank you, buddy.

[7:50] She's Star Trek into darkness.

[7:51] Yep.

[7:52] And what other movies was she in?

[7:53] She's a real, some other British movie, I assume.

[7:56] Yeah.

[7:57] Probably another fucking movie we watched here.

[7:59] I don't remember.

[8:00] Something with Gerard Battler or something.

[8:01] Yeah, yeah, Gremlin Battler.

[8:02] Yeah, she was probably in Olympus Has Fallen.

[8:04] Gremlin Battler.

[8:06] Okay, so anyway, he kind of fumblingly asks her out.

[8:10] The blonde guy asks Alice Eve out in a scene that takes 17 hours, where they're just kind

[8:15] of mumbling and nervous with each other.

[8:17] Well, they're explaining how nervous they are, just like people do in normal conversations.

[8:20] Alice Eve spends a lot of time talking about how nervous she is, which is hilarious because

[8:24] she is Alice Eve, and she looks like Alice Eve.

[8:26] Famously confident.

[8:29] Famous for her confidence.

[8:31] This kind of like bland guy asking out Alice Eve.

[8:33] There's no reason why she should be nervous.

[8:35] I mean, she's kind of bland, too, though.

[8:37] Yeah, but she's so...

[8:38] Well, in this movie, she is.

[8:39] Okay.

[8:40] Stuart mentioned, or I think maybe you mentioned...

[8:41] She's not a space doctor like in Spoiler Alert, Star Trek, Spoiler Alert, Into Darkness.

[8:45] Spoiler Alert, they go into darkness.

[8:47] She is, as one of you guys mentioned, she's one of those women who's so pretty, everyone's

[8:51] too intimidated to talk to her, and it makes her nervous because she thinks nobody likes her.

[8:55] But also, it seems like both her and the hero may be mentally challenged in some way.

[8:59] They also are a little mentally handicapped when they talk to each other.

[9:02] They seem like 12-year-olds.

[9:03] Okay, now...

[9:04] Her beauty is like Cassidy's strength in the Preacher comic book, where he doesn't actually

[9:09] have to learn to fight because he's too strong.

[9:11] She's so beautiful, she doesn't actually have to learn how to flirt.

[9:14] Interesting.

[9:15] I get it.

[9:16] That's one for the kids out there listening.

[9:17] That's one for the Preacher fans, for everyone who was reading Vertigo Comics 15 years ago.

[9:23] Okay.

[9:24] Now, can you compare it to death, the high cost of living, somehow?

[9:28] Oh, shit.

[9:29] I don't know.

[9:30] The art isn't that good?

[9:31] Okay.

[9:32] It's Chris Pachalo.

[9:34] Wait, what?

[9:35] Anyway, they've got one of the best comic artists whose art is unreadable at times.

[9:40] Anyway, I could talk about...

[9:41] Along with Bill Sienkiewicz.

[9:42] No, Bill Sienkiewicz is amazing.

[9:44] Sienkiewicz, thank you.

[9:45] Oh, sorry.

[9:46] He's amazing.

[9:47] He's a visionary.

[9:48] I'm going to see him at Comic-Con next week and tell him you said something bad about him.

[9:50] It is occasionally unreadable.

[9:52] But moving on, because we've gotten about three minutes into the film.

[9:56] Luckily, it's a 90-minute movie and there's almost no plot.

[9:58] So he agrees to...

[10:00] The hero, I guess, you'd call him.

[10:02] Wikipedia would disagree with you.

[10:03] There's like six paragraphs of plot on the plot somewhere.

[10:06] He agrees to drive Alice Eve home, thinking, hey, maybe we're going to hit it off,

[10:09] and I'm going to put my penis in her vagina tonight.

[10:11] Unfortunately, his douchey friend also wants a ride home and is a real third wheel.

[10:21] Played by Josh Peck from Red Dawn.

[10:24] Red Dawn.

[10:24] He also plays the douchey younger brother in Red Dawn.

[10:27] Now, he says, hey, I'm hungry.

[10:30] I want pizza, but I don't have any cash.

[10:32] Can you drive me to the ATM and then drive me to the pizza place?

[10:34] And then I swear, I'll leave, and you can mack on her.

[10:37] So they go to the ATM.

[10:39] The blonde guy.

[10:40] And in a fit of narrative convenience, he parks way far away from the ATM.

[10:46] The driver, the blonde guy, parks like 100, 400 feet from the ATM.

[10:51] Way too far.

[10:52] It's a nice night.

[10:53] They want to go for a brisk walk.

[10:54] It's not a nice night.

[10:55] It's below zero.

[10:56] It's below zero.

[10:57] It's late at night.

[10:58] They're in Winnipeg, the saddest city in the world, the scene in the saddest music in the

[11:01] world, one of my favorite movies.

[11:03] And he just decides to park there and make his friend walk.

[11:07] His friend goes in and then comes back.

[11:09] My card's not working.

[11:10] Can you give me some money?

[11:12] So the blonde guy goes in with him.

[11:14] Alice Eve sits in the car for a little bit.

[11:16] She's already noticed that the driver has, what is it, St. Christopher's medal or something

[11:19] like that for travelers?

[11:22] She's getting cold.

[11:23] So she decides to do what we would all do if we're cold.

[11:25] Go out into the cold and join them in the ATM.

[11:29] Only that's when...

[11:30] And she was complaining that his car wouldn't lock, so she left her purse in there for some

[11:33] reason.

[11:34] Yeah.

[11:35] The car wouldn't...

[11:36] She couldn't get the car to lock, so she left all of her things in there and didn't stay

[11:37] with the car.

[11:38] But...

[11:39] Mm-hmm.

[11:40] Airtight.

[11:41] Airtight so far.

[11:42] So they're in this ATM kiosk, but uh-oh.

[11:43] A shadowy figure in a parka is staring at them from across the parking lot.

[11:47] And there's nothing scarier than a man in a parka.

[11:50] Let me tell you.

[11:51] You know you're dealing with a monster if he's wearing a parka.

[11:54] He's right up there with a ghoulie mask and a white-painted, uh...

[11:57] A ghoulie mask?

[11:58] Yeah.

[11:59] You couldn't make those?

[12:00] A fan of the ghoulies.

[12:01] A ghoulie mask.

[12:02] Yeah.

[12:03] No, that would be terrifying.

[12:04] Yeah.

[12:05] A Jeff Ghoulie mask.

[12:06] Ex-husband of Tonya Harding.

[12:07] Um, yeah.

[12:08] So, uh, they're all in there.

[12:11] And parka boy.

[12:12] They're in there, and parka guy's just staring at them, and they immediately assume, this

[12:15] is dangerous.

[12:16] And I...

[12:17] It would be kind of scary to just have a...

[12:18] Yeah, why not?

[12:19] A guy, you can't see his face.

[12:20] He's in a parka.

[12:21] His face is hidden in the shadows of his parka.

[12:22] I mean, he's standing movie serial killer style.

[12:25] Yeah.

[12:26] Like, legs akimbo, just still.

[12:27] Just still.

[12:28] That was that gangster, wasn't it?

[12:29] Legs akimbo.

[12:30] Actually, I'm stealing...

[12:31] That was a joke on...

[12:32] Gangster mall.

[12:33] On, uh, on Freakazoid.

[12:34] They had a character named Arms Akimbo, I remember now.

[12:37] So I apologize to the creators of Freakazoid, which is, I guess, Steven Spielberg and Amblin

[12:40] Entertainment?

[12:41] Yeah.

[12:42] Send them 33 cents.

[12:43] I will not do that.

[12:44] The stamp to send it to them would cost more than that.

[12:47] So anyway, they're like, uh-oh, there's a scary guy there.

[12:50] I guess we'll stay here and be scared?

[12:52] Plus, two men and one woman will be frightened and stay inside.

[12:56] Just a guy standing in a parking lot.

[12:58] But then, a guy walking a dog comes by and the parka man beats him to death.

[13:04] So they're like, whoa, this shit just got real!

[13:06] The police knocks him out.

[13:08] He literally slams his face against the parking lot pavement over and over again.

[13:12] I mean, the human body can take a lot of punishment, at least.

[13:14] There's just blood all over the place and he never gets up and moves ever again.

[13:18] But the only emotional response this movie elicited in me was when the dog laid its head

[13:22] on its dead master's body and then ran away.

[13:26] That was the only, that was the one moment of emotion.

[13:27] Yeah, because it said his soul was leaving his body and to chase it to the netherworld.

[13:32] Yeah.

[13:33] That's how dogs work.

[13:34] He was like, oh, you're not going to feed me anymore.

[13:37] Exit, stage left.

[13:38] I guess I'll find a new source of bacon strips.

[13:44] So forgive me if I get the order of things wrong, but they spend forever in this ATM

[13:49] arguing about whether they should do anything.

[13:52] The bad guy knocks out the heating element using tools he found in the trunk of the hero's

[13:58] car.

[13:59] He also has disabled the car and they just kind of hang around being scared for a while.

[14:05] There's one point where the hero runs for the car to try and get it.

[14:10] He manages to lose his jacket and phone.

[14:12] Yeah.

[14:13] He can't start the car.

[14:14] But his phone was dead, right?

[14:15] He tried to get a Blackberry.

[14:16] He tries to get her Blackberry.

[14:18] What I love is they're like, call the police, call the police.

[14:21] I'll get the phone.

[14:22] I'll try to get the phone.

[14:23] I'll call the police.

[14:24] And while he gets in the car, he gets the phone.

[14:27] The bad guy smashes the window and they struggle.

[14:29] But while they're struggling, he looks up contacts on the phone and it says no contacts.

[14:35] It's the simple, there's only one easier number to call and that's zero for operator and she

[14:39] could connect you to 911.

[14:41] Why are you checking her contacts?

[14:43] I do things in Winnipeg.

[14:44] I better check it.

[14:45] I better call.

[14:46] Make sure that she doesn't have a boyfriend.

[14:48] I better call Alice Eve's job to make sure they'll know she's not coming in tomorrow.

[14:51] But she has no contacts.

[14:53] I better call.

[14:54] She's a blank slate, Elliot.

[14:55] I better call her friends to see what she likes for the first date.

[14:58] Was she in on the whole thing?

[14:59] Maybe.

[15:00] We'll find out later.

[15:01] No, we won't.

[15:02] Anyway.

[15:03] Oh, we will.

[15:04] She wasn't in on it.

[15:05] So they're stuck in the ATM thing.

[15:06] They argue with each other.

[15:07] They're trying to get the police's attention by smashing the ATM and setting off some kind

[15:10] of alarm, but they can't quite do it.

[15:11] It doesn't work.

[15:12] A police guard comes by.

[15:13] They wave him down.

[15:14] He also decides to park hundreds of feet away from the ATM kiosk.

[15:19] After Alice Eve has written help on the wall and lipstick, they're all waving at him.

[15:24] They're yelling.

[15:25] Yeah.

[15:26] And he decides to park equally far away and walk slowly.

[15:28] And he's like, what?

[15:29] I can't hear you.

[15:30] The bad guy hits him with a tire iron and kills him.

[15:31] Yeah.

[15:32] Multiple times.

[15:33] Not just one time.

[15:34] Kills him multiple times.

[15:35] As Stewart says.

[15:36] He's not a punk.

[15:37] He's not down.

[15:38] The one hit doesn't kill him.

[15:39] It knocks him down.

[15:40] The killer hits him way more times than he needs to, and it actually seems like the killer

[15:44] is overdoing it somewhat.

[15:47] Yeah.

[15:48] Stewart makes the point.

[15:49] You don't really want to root for anyone's death, but in the case of a fictional character,

[15:54] this is one fictional character.

[15:55] The security guard?

[15:56] Yeah.

[15:57] Well, he's bad at his job.

[15:58] He's incompetent.

[15:59] For all you know, he might have had a fictional family.

[16:01] If he had been good at his job, everybody else would have survived.

[16:05] Not the dog guy.

[16:06] He would have been dead.

[16:07] He was already dead.

[16:08] Unless he's playing dead.

[16:09] Okay.

[16:10] So he decides to try another couple gambits.

[16:11] The douchey guy says, I'm just going to run for it.

[16:14] He starts running and then gets knocked over by an invisible trip wire that the bad guy

[16:19] set up, and the bad guy stabs him.

[16:21] Although he makes it back to the kiosk before he dies, and they're trying to keep him alive.

[16:26] You forgot one major point, which is in between times, another guy wearing an identical parka

[16:32] just stumbles into the ATM, and they murder him.

[16:35] And they use the ATM for its normal purpose.

[16:37] And the heroes use the chain that would be attaching pens to a desk to strangle this

[16:42] man to death.

[16:43] The thing that's known famously for not being able to secure a pen is able to strangle this

[16:50] man.

[16:51] To paraphrase Christopher Walken, the chain is going to break.

[16:54] That's from Dead Zone, although it sounded more like Woody Allen in Dead Zone.

[17:00] What a movie that would have been.

[17:01] Woody Allen's Dead Zone.

[17:03] Eventually, I'm going to fall in love with my surrogate child.

[17:08] I shook your hand and I saw you with a woman that I think you shouldn't be sleeping with.

[17:14] It was very erotic, but maybe I should warn you about the future.

[17:18] I just don't think she's right for you.

[17:20] I think that maybe you should look into somebody else.

[17:22] I touched your shoulder and I saw you cheating on Marie, but Marie's a wonderful woman.

[17:27] Why would you do that?

[17:29] I like Woody Allen's The Dead Zone.

[17:31] I'm not playing this game with you guys.

[17:33] Come on.

[17:34] Come on.

[17:35] You know you want to do it.

[17:38] I touched your shoulder and I saw you.

[17:40] You're going to pass away and then there's nothing.

[17:42] There's nothing afterwards.

[17:44] It's just what we have here.

[17:46] We've got to make the best of it.

[17:47] I was shaking hands with a man and I saw him reading a copy of Ulysses and then setting

[17:54] it aside and never picking it up again and then telling his friends he had read Ulysses.

[18:00] He's lying to his friends.

[18:01] He barely got 50 pages into Ulysses.

[18:03] I don't know what to say, whether to warn him not to pick up the book because he's not

[18:07] going to enjoy it, not going to get it, warn his friends that they're lying to him, that

[18:11] he's going to lie to them.

[18:13] It's a real dilemma.

[18:15] Is there anything?

[18:16] Is there a God?

[18:17] Does anyone watch us?

[18:18] I shook hands with the man.

[18:20] I saw him going to his therapist and he had a duck on his head and it was just absurd.

[18:25] I don't understand it.

[18:26] You got a gun around here?

[18:27] Cyanide pills or something?

[18:30] Cyanide teeth they have in Dune?

[18:32] Groucho Marx just once said, I touched an elephant and foresaw him in my pajamas.

[18:39] How he got in my pajamas in the future, I'll never know because it was just a flash of

[18:43] the future very briefly.

[18:45] That's not even one of the Groucho Marx jokes that I would handle in quotes.

[18:50] Where did we leave off?

[18:52] I shook my own hand and I saw a run of films that can only be described as embarrassing.

[18:57] There's one called Whatever Happens and one called Anything Else.

[19:02] Whatever Happens?

[19:03] Wait, what is it?

[19:04] I think it's Watch What Happens Live.

[19:06] Yeah, it was called Watch What Happens Live.

[19:08] I think it was called Anything Else.

[19:10] Anything.

[19:11] And then Whatever Works.

[19:12] Anything Goes and it was called.

[19:14] And Any Which Way But Loose.

[19:16] Whichever Way You Want.

[19:17] Woody Allen's Any Which Way But Loose.

[19:19] Clyde, we've got that double date with that blonde orangutan and her friends.

[19:25] I really don't have time to get in a fight with these bikers.

[19:27] I have very fragile bones.

[19:29] I perhaps don't give the finger to those truckers.

[19:33] I'm not one for fighting.

[19:35] I'm more of an erotic specialist.

[19:37] Woody Allen slash Fireside Theater is not insane or anything you want to.

[19:40] That was what it was called.

[19:41] Yeah, that's what it was.

[19:42] But no, they killed this guy.

[19:44] Woody Allen's Cannibal Holocaust.

[19:47] Is there a need to kill the turtle on camera?

[19:49] Because it makes me a little squeamish.

[19:52] I don't eat meat.

[19:54] Anyway, so they killed this guy.

[19:56] Is there any way to confirm that this turtle was a killer?

[20:00] so that we can justify so they use the chain to to strangle this guy

[20:04] it is an innocent person but the only way find out is they kill him

[20:07] and they look up and the killers still outside watching them

[20:11] we never find out a little thing about this guy he is literally they might as

[20:14] well as a little mannequin and i think you know they could have been a clone

[20:17] was the first thing they do is open as well as a show that i can expect you

[20:20] know maybe they maybe they were being stalked by jimmy madrox the met multiple

[20:24] man

[20:24] he stopped his foot in the second killer you know you know those were his kids

[20:28] maybe they killed a child molester you don't know

[20:30] maybe they tell themselves that yeah they took it so they can feel better at

[20:33] night

[20:34] unfortunately of course they don't have to feel much better because

[20:37] the guy who is looks after this to do she has stabbed he dies again in the

[20:40] get over uh...

[20:41] the bad guy somehow ranges to be flooding the a t m kiosk

[20:45] i don't remember how he does that it's a air airtight he's he's putting water

[20:49] through the air vent

[20:50] and it's an airtight kiosk so it's filling up of course with cold water

[20:54] they're super cold bird blocks the door with already car he pushes their car so

[20:58] that it blocks the door they can't get out now here's a guy's been stabbed dies

[21:02] of hypothermia

[21:03] the other thing is they find out halfway through the movie that

[21:06] they thought the door was locked need a debit card to get in but it turns out

[21:09] it's not

[21:11] the killer could walk in at any moment

[21:12] the killer

[21:13] never learns this never walks in any moment that has never seen a lot of

[21:17] yeah totally stupid and unnecessary

[21:19] uh... so

[21:21] it's supposed to add to the tension it doesn't

[21:23] so that it would be great if then they were a bunch of scenes of the killer

[21:26] reaching for the doorknob and shaking his head like what am i an idiot of

[21:29] course it's locked up not wait maybe i'll just try it

[21:32] no they don't look so like a scene after the movie ends where he like goes back

[21:35] and checks the door of the car

[21:37] uh...

[21:39] i wasted a whole night on this

[21:40] anyway i'm like looking through uh... wallet from a guy killed not finding an

[21:44] a t m card and like howling at the heavens

[21:48] unforgiving gods you don't give me an a t m card

[21:51] so they manage long story short again that alice eve and the good guy

[21:55] barely he's killed an innocent person by this point because really who's the

[21:59] monster now who's the real murderer

[22:02] they managed to stall to sleep with one woman they managed to start a fire

[22:06] and that's why i did it right yeah because desire is the ultimate price

[22:11] the ultimate aphrodisiac

[22:12] because desire is the ultimate aphrodisiac

[22:16] that's the dumbest totality ever

[22:18] that's a solvent king movie poster tagline because sex is the ultimate erotic

[22:25] because fire is the ultimate burning

[22:29] because boobs are the ultimate breasts

[22:33] oh man you're writing all these down right because there's no better place to

[22:36] sit than a chair

[22:40] there's no greater blindness than when your eyes don't work

[22:44] okay so they managed to start a fire in a

[22:46] trash can

[22:47] and using all the deposit slips and that's what they managed to do

[22:51] they have a bow and a stick they find they have a lighter and they light it

[22:55] do you think there's like homeless people who are used to making steel drum

[22:59] fires everywhere watching this movie being like you're doing it wrong

[23:03] watching this movie being like i wish i was outside desperately trying to warm

[23:06] myself up to drum a barrel fire

[23:09] it's not it's a barrel it's not a steel drum

[23:11] they didn't steal it from a calypso musician

[23:14] they put a fire in it

[23:16] every time i hear a calypso music

[23:18] hey my drum

[23:21] why are you lighting a fire in it i went up to go get a daiquiri and i come back and my

[23:25] drum's gone it's so warm here on the beach why did you light a fire

[23:29] anyway

[23:30] uh... you're already too warm in that parka back to the movie

[23:33] the bad guys just watching this as

[23:35] they use the uh...

[23:36] the fire to set off the fire alarm smoke alarm

[23:39] the sprinkler goes off and the fire alarm great that's going to notify the

[23:42] police and then by the way that like this bothered me in a movie full of

[23:46] stupid things it really bothered me that they light a fire

[23:49] in a metal garbage can and then they're just holding it up

[23:53] uh... to the sprinkler system as if that wouldn't be burning their hands

[23:57] desperately because metal conducts heat

[23:58] physics 101 my friend yeah but it's really cold maybe it's just warming their hands up a little bit

[24:02] that's a good point that's a good point well by that point

[24:04] let's talk about the the waterproof let's say their hands are so numb from the cold

[24:10] that they don't feel it at that point how about that

[24:12] and this is strange magic ATM kiosk where after they take all of the paper

[24:16] deposit slips there's still some

[24:19] there's a very basic continuity error where

[24:22] they take all the deposit slips out of a

[24:24] out of a holder on the wall and then they cut back and it's full of deposit slips again

[24:28] it's this magic

[24:29] bottomless deposit slip cabinet they're trapped in a mobius strip of an ATM

[24:34] they light the fire but while they're doing that the girl loses her

[24:37] Alice Eve loses her balance hits her head on a cabinet and dies

[24:41] goodbye Alice Eve the killer then slams the security guard's car into the car that he

[24:46] was blocking the door with

[24:47] smashing in the front of the ATM thing

[24:49] the hero walks out makes he's made a molotov

[24:52] he's made a I don't know to add insult to injury

[24:55] he's made a molotov cocktail out of a bottle of liquor that

[24:58] the douchey friend had brought with him

[24:59] and it looks like

[25:01] looks like the killer is just sitting in his parka in a camping chair he found in the

[25:05] hero's trunk

[25:06] watching this happen

[25:07] the hero just throws that molotov cocktail at the seated figure it bursts into flame

[25:11] that was the body of the security guard

[25:14] who has his mace on him which explodes and sprays the face of the hero

[25:17] and the bad guy's just watching

[25:19] the police and the firetrucks arrive he's loving this he's loving it

[25:23] he's loving it

[25:24] he's had his break today the police finally arrive and arrest the gibbering hero whose

[25:30] dead ramblings don't square with the dead bodies around him

[25:33] and the lack of a murderer

[25:35] and

[25:36] then in the morning cut to a bunch of

[25:39] uh...

[25:41] ATM security footage none of it shows the killer the police investigate for a long time

[25:46] not really

[25:47] and all the ATM security camera footage just shows them

[25:50] fighting inside the ATM killing a guy and then breaking the camera

[25:54] but what about the real killer the real killer is never on camera and we see his secret because

[25:59] earlier in the movie we saw a shadowy figure drawing diagrams on transparencies of a parking

[26:03] lot

[26:04] transparency diagrams of a parking lot

[26:05] he goes back to his storage locker which takes about an hour of him walking down a hallway

[26:10] and inside is his evidence lair

[26:12] where he's planning evidence dungeon tm stewart wellington he did it i didn't want to pay

[26:16] royalties so i called it an evidence lair

[26:18] and because he works in there it's his office it's not just like a storage place it is a

[26:22] storage place it's an evidence home office it's an evidence

[26:26] storage

[26:27] place turned into a home office and he has

[26:30] it turns out he heavily researched where the cameras would be pointed so they'll never

[26:34] catch his image

[26:35] and he's plotting another attack

[26:38] on a mini martin the perfect crime we see him plotting it for twenty minutes

[26:43] and then

[26:44] the movie

[26:45] cuts to black like a shitty kaiser saute and so basically

[26:49] i would say this would have made like a really strong student short film

[26:54] if there's almost nothing in it and it was like twelve minutes long

[26:57] and that but it's been stretched to an hour and a half the characters are all super bland

[27:01] it's super boring everybody operates under the strangest logic everyone in the movie

[27:05] you have to assume

[27:06] inhaled like a ton of carbon monoxide earlier and it caused brain damage and so they have

[27:10] no idea what they're doing at any moment there are two things that bother me like

[27:14] the most well alice eve never took the clothes off i know you're worried about that that's number one

[27:17] yeah i mean come on star trek into darkness tm

[27:20] that's uh...

[27:22] no that the beginning and work terrific movies beginning in the end bother me

[27:26] almost

[27:27] number one the beginning like

[27:29] i feel like you're gonna make this kind of movie

[27:31] you have to have the sense of like these are interest now what kind of movie do you mean a crappy

[27:34] movie well no a movie where like

[27:36] something

[27:37] something happens people are there some crazy external force

[27:42] blows into people's lives

[27:44] ruining it a a random engine of chaos

[27:46] suddenly attacks innocent people for no reason and if you're going to do that

[27:50] you have to give the sense that these people have lives outside of the frame

[27:54] of the movie they were going to go on a date they wanted pizza interesting yeah as people

[27:58] and i thought that they shouldn't just be like random boring jack-offs here's what we know

[28:02] about the hero okay yeah

[28:03] the hero lost a guy's money at work has a crush on his co-worker he's got a great haircut

[28:08] and there are two different types of pizza he likes at this one pizza place there's a

[28:11] garlic and mushroom and there's a pepperoni

[28:13] that's all you need that's three things

[28:14] douchey guy

[28:15] he's douchey he doesn't carry a lot of cash with him he probably smells he likes to drink

[28:19] he probably smells

[28:20] or at least wears cologne

[28:21] okay alice eve we know she's a girl she is getting a new job

[28:25] she's very nervous

[28:26] and she's nervous because she tells people that

[28:29] yeah three things

[28:30] all right i guess i'm wrong this was a good great movie

[28:32] and the killer you know he owns a parka you know he owns a some kind of wire that he uses

[28:36] to trip people with

[28:37] yeah he makes a trip wire thing

[28:38] some kind of wire

[28:39] and that he rents

[28:40] what is that like

[28:41] and then he rents a storage compartment

[28:42] .06 gauge what is that

[28:44] he knows exactly when people are going to be not carrying their phone around or when

[28:49] their phone's going to run out of juice

[28:51] yeah that's the term they use

[28:52] yeah

[28:53] you got mad juice

[28:54] fucking psychic powers

[28:55] so what's the other so the first thing is people are cardboard characters

[28:57] yeah

[28:58] and i just want to say like i i mentioned to you guys i watched a movie called black

[29:00] rock recently which was like basically

[29:02] yeah picnic at black rock

[29:03] a female version of deliverance uh but that movie had a good uh ability

[29:09] it should have called it she liverance

[29:11] yeah the women

[29:13] and then the tagline would have been deliverance got just got ladier

[29:16] but like the people in that movie seemed like they had an existence beyond the frame

[29:20] and they had sort of an interpersonal relationship that was uh punched up by the the stress that

[29:25] they were then put under

[29:26] uh-huh

[29:27] it's not a great movie but it's a movie that i feel like shows up the problems with this

[29:30] movie

[29:31] but also the ending just drive nipple wall this movie was like oh man total twist they

[29:37] think that he killed the guy now like what the police think why do they think that they're

[29:42] just hanging out in this atm kiosk for hours on end before anything starts happening in

[29:47] the freezing cold like this is not like snapped after losing all that money

[29:52] yeah maybe that's it he lost all that money so now they think he's

[29:55] open and shut case

[29:57] and now they have uh the other

[30:00] The other thing is that they have no evidence connecting him to most of the murders.

[30:04] I mean, his fingerprints are on the blade that killed his friend.

[30:06] The screwdriver?

[30:07] Because, was it a screwdriver?

[30:09] I think so.

[30:09] Because he tried to pull it out, or he was going to try to pull it out.

[30:12] But like, yeah, there's no, like, they don't have a strong case.

[30:17] But he's probably gone insane and is going to go to a sanitarium.

[30:20] But the twist ending was, hey, this killer is going to do this again.

[30:24] Yeah, maybe at a mall, maybe near a Burger King, you don't know, wherever ATMs are found.

[30:29] Or like, that this killer planned what he was doing.

[30:31] Great, okay, like, that's not a twist, that's a given.

[30:34] So do you think in, like, the sequel they're going to have to find that guy in prison and

[30:37] be like, these people are stuck in this thing and you know about it, you've got to help

[30:42] them.

[30:43] You're the only one who can help us.

[30:44] You're the only guy who understands ATMs.

[30:45] And it's going to be called A2M.

[30:46] That's what the T stands for?

[30:47] No, no, it's just A, the number, 2M.

[30:50] What's that?

[30:51] Is that like a place you can go?

[30:52] It's just a second movie.

[30:53] Oh, okay.

[30:54] You know, like, uh, you know, Too Fast, Too Furious, or, uh...

[30:58] Well, another movie that kind of uses this formula, uh, that I previously recommended

[31:02] was Frozen, about two guys and a girl stuck on a...

[31:06] In a pizza place.

[31:07] A frozen pizza place.

[31:08] Stuck in a pizza place.

[31:09] On a frozen chairlift.

[31:10] And they've got to eat all that pizza.

[31:12] But at least that movie featured a guy jumping off a chairlift and totally smashing his legs

[31:18] off and some super ferocious wolves.

[31:20] There are movies where people are stuck in small places and they're scary.

[31:25] Yeah, they don't need a force of nature in the form of a creepy guy in a park.

[31:30] Or even if they do, like, there's something scary about being trapped and at the mercy

[31:33] of a killer, but when there's so many stupid things, like, to get into this trap they had

[31:39] to do ten stupid things.

[31:40] Yeah.

[31:41] Like, and it's hard for you to think, that could be me in there, now I'm scared about

[31:45] it.

[31:46] If it's like, well, I'm not going to do that stupid shit.

[31:47] Maybe we're underestimating this movie.

[31:48] Maybe all that stuff with Alice Eve and the, uh, hero at the beginning was to show how

[31:51] stupid these two are.

[31:52] So we're like, oh, okay, these idiots.

[31:53] Now I get it.

[31:54] Now I get it.

[31:55] We want to feel bad for them.

[31:56] They shot all that later.

[31:57] They're like, these characters are doing stupid stuff.

[31:59] We better lay the groundwork that they're dumb.

[32:03] But also, like...

[32:04] They have the minds of children.

[32:06] Feel bad for them.

[32:08] You were expecting at some point, uh, I don't know, they want to have this, like, faceless

[32:15] killer who is, like, you're scared because you don't know anything about him and why

[32:19] is he doing these things?

[32:21] But even he comes off as just kind of, like, blandly going through the motions of being

[32:24] a killer.

[32:25] Like, there's nothing charismatic about his job or something.

[32:28] There's nothing charismatic or mysterious about his parka, you know.

[32:31] And there are times when you see his eyes and he just looks kind of, like, just kind

[32:34] of bored.

[32:35] Like, he's just watching whatever, you know.

[32:36] I'm about to terrorize another group of, uh, people.

[32:39] Yeah, does he get any, like, weird sexual satisfaction out of it or...

[32:43] Well, maybe he does.

[32:44] We don't know that.

[32:45] What's his deal, man?

[32:46] He takes some money at some...

[32:47] At one point, there is a point where they take $500, a pair of earrings, and a watch

[32:49] and they put it in an envelope and then throw it at him.

[32:52] And they say, here, you can have it.

[32:53] Just let us go.

[32:54] And I think he takes it, but then he just kills them anyway.

[32:57] That was one thing, funny, that I remember you said during the movie was that, uh, you

[33:00] would have liked it if, when they were throwing the money at him, the wind just picked up

[33:03] a money and blew it away.

[33:04] It blew it away and then it went, uh, and then ran back into the ATM and he chased them.

[33:09] They tug at their ties for the soup.

[33:14] Or a bird flew by and took the envelope, like, just packed the envelope out of his hand and

[33:20] flew away with it.

[33:21] Um, uh...

[33:22] Rain check?

[33:23] Here's the thing.

[33:24] Here's another way to do this movie, is if the killer is just setting it up to make the

[33:30] people inside lose their wits and kill each other.

[33:33] That's another way you could go with this, but, like, it seemed like the movie was kind

[33:37] of trying to hint at that, like, the part where they kill the innocent person, where

[33:41] it's like...

[33:42] The monster within all of us.

[33:43] Like, oh, who's the real monster?

[33:45] Well, they thought it was the person who was trying to kill them the whole time.

[33:47] It didn't...

[33:48] There's no exit.

[33:49] Like, you kind of wondered if the people who had watched this knew what a scary thing was,

[33:53] or, like, what made something scary.

[33:55] I mean, the dialogue was sparkling, though.

[33:57] Like maggots, right?

[33:58] That's what it is, maggots.

[33:59] The characters constantly, like, just stating how they were feeling.

[34:00] Yeah, maggots are what's scary.

[34:02] Maggot the X-Men character.

[34:04] His stomach's on the outside.

[34:05] I thought this was fried rice.

[34:08] Maggots, Michael.

[34:09] You're eating maggots.

[34:10] Uh, but...

[34:11] You can't beat your bike.

[34:12] One thing about Santa Clara I can never stand.

[34:13] What's that?

[34:14] All the damn vampires.

[34:15] Yeah, yeah.

[34:16] The frog brothers.

[34:17] Yeah.

[34:18] They're not really brothers.

[34:19] Or frogs.

[34:20] Double disappointment.

[34:21] You lied to me.

[34:22] You lied to me, movie.

[34:23] You told me there'd be frog people in this.

[34:24] I'll just go play Battletoads.

[34:25] Then I'll get to be the frog people I crave.

[34:26] Until that, like, motorbike...

[34:27] It's a movie.

[34:39] Until that, like, motorbike level, which I won't be able to get past that.

[34:44] You just gotta jump at the right time.

[34:46] I'll just watch Hell Comes to Frog Town again.

[34:49] Yeah, man.

[34:50] Rowdy, Rowdy Piper.

[34:51] And his second greatest role.

[34:52] He just keeps jumping from disappointing frog entertainment.

[34:56] There are frog people in that, at least.

[34:58] It's not like he goes to Paris.

[35:00] I'll just watch Michigan J. Frog in One Frog Evening.

[35:05] It's got the courage of its convictions.

[35:08] I'll just watch John Harbiter's The Frog.

[35:10] The Fog?

[35:11] Oh, man!

[35:14] Okay, so...

[35:15] Frogs with Radio Milan.

[35:16] So, this movie...

[35:18] This movie...

[35:19] It's hard to know what to say about this movie other than it's, like, barely a movie.

[35:23] Like, there's not a lot of movie there.

[35:26] There's not a lot of there in this movie.

[35:28] I'm imagining now, like, a 1970s commercial, early 80s, wasn't it?

[35:35] Like, where's the movie?

[35:38] Clara Peller wants to know where the movie is.

[35:42] Other movie producers don't give you much movie.

[35:46] There's...

[35:48] Yeah, there's, like...

[35:49] Because not a lot happens, yet it takes up time.

[35:52] It sure does take up time.

[35:53] Like, if Andrei Tarkovsky had directed this, I'd be like, okay, it's really slow and boring.

[35:57] That's what he does.

[35:58] And he's trying to tell us something about the nature of time.

[36:00] But as it is, it's just like...

[36:02] Those characters are still standing in the ATM, huh?

[36:05] Another shot of that bowling alley right next to her, huh?

[36:07] By the way, a $3 million movie takes place in one ATM kiosk.

[36:11] The movie will occasionally fade to black and then fade back up again.

[36:15] Yeah, there are commercial breaks.

[36:17] I've got to make that $3 million back.

[36:19] Look, we know you need to use the bathroom, but you don't want to miss a thing.

[36:22] So we'll fade to black, you pause it, use the toilet, and come on back for more ATM.

[36:26] We'll tell you when to pay.

[36:28] All right, well...

[36:29] It's, like...

[36:31] And this movie cost how much, Stuart?

[36:33] $3 million.

[36:35] What was the domestic box office, Elliot?

[36:37] How much was it, about $100,000?

[36:39] $110,000.

[36:40] Here's my assumption.

[36:41] All that money went to filling the ATM so that it was realistically full of money.

[36:46] They had to imagine it was full.

[36:48] It's really hard to play the part if I know this ATM doesn't have any money in it.

[36:52] So I guess we'll raise $3 million in backing and just fill the ATM with that.

[36:55] All right, well, let's quickly go through our Shocktober Final Judgments.

[37:00] Which are...

[37:01] Which is a movie totally scarifying.

[37:03] I forgot.

[37:04] Scarily morifying.

[37:06] Was it totally snorifying?

[37:08] Or was it frighteningly funny?

[37:09] Frighteningly good, man.

[37:12] Stuart, what do you have to say?

[37:13] Wait, wait.

[37:14] What's the...

[37:15] I'll take this one.

[37:16] Never has a movie better fitted the phrase totally snorifying.

[37:21] Yeah, I agree.

[37:22] This movie was totally snorifying.

[37:24] Totally.

[37:26] It was snorifying in its totality.

[37:30] It was 100% snorsville.

[37:32] All right, well, let's take a brief...

[37:33] If you want to sleep, but you don't want to wake up, ATM.

[37:38] Let's take a brief break for a word from our sponsor.

[37:42] And we'll be back in a moment with more Flophouse.

[37:51] We've got a new sponsor, Frankin' Oak.

[37:53] Now, what is Frankin' Oak?

[37:55] Imagine you're going to a place where you don't want to wear your Flophouse t-shirt.

[37:59] I know it's hard to imagine, but hear me out.

[38:01] You might want to try Frankin' Oak.

[38:03] It's an incredible Montreal-based creative workshop that designs,

[38:07] manufactures, and curates a monthly collection of fine clothing and accessories.

[38:12] They make looking good easy and hassle-free.

[38:14] Frankin' Oak's small crew handles every detail of the experience,

[38:18] from curating the online shop to designing the collections

[38:21] and working with the manufacturers to delivering the goods.

[38:24] Frankin' Oak uses the highest quality cotton blends from the best mills around the world

[38:28] to bring you clothing with an uncompromised quality and an exceptional value.

[38:33] And with a new collection offered every month,

[38:35] their styles are always current, and their clothing is always made with integrity.

[38:39] Frankin' Oak's membership is free, and they offer personalized selection of products,

[38:43] plus a no-cost monthly at-home try-on service, so you can try before you buy.

[38:48] Check out Frankin' Oak on their website at www.frankin'oak.com

[38:55] That's www.frankinoak.com.

[38:59] If you see anything you like, use the coupon code FLOPHOUSE during checkout to get a 15% discount.

[39:06] Look sharp and help support our show by shopping with them.

[39:09] That's FLOPHOUSE at frankinoak.com for a 15% discount.

[39:25] I hang her for a hunk of cheese.

[39:28] I remember that one, too.

[39:29] Is that a commercial or a cartoon?

[39:30] That was a commercial.

[39:32] My get-up-and-go just got up and went.

[39:34] Okay, these are just commercials again.

[39:36] I'm talking about animated bumpers that the network played between the commercials and the cartoons.

[39:41] Yeah, it's like a trick.

[39:42] We'll be back to more Heathcliff after this.

[39:44] There's that one where the fire hydrant sprayed water on the dog that was going to urinate on it.

[39:51] And the one where the horse fell on the cowboy.

[39:54] Now, I'm not going to talk about my favorite bumpers.

[40:00] The ones that I might have talked about them before,

[40:02] I miss them on the X-Files DVDs,

[40:04] which are when I would watch X-Files when it first aired

[40:07] and they'd have the bumpers

[40:08] that might have been only in my markets

[40:10] where they would say,

[40:11] the X-Files is brought to you by rolled gold pretzels.

[40:15] And I used to have arguments with my college roommate

[40:17] over whether it was the same guy doing both voices

[40:20] or whether it was they got two different guys,

[40:22] a scary voice guy and a goofy voice guy.

[40:25] Clearly it was one guy.

[40:27] But I-

[40:28] He is really talented.

[40:29] But if I've ever watched reruns of the X-Files

[40:31] on syndication or in DVD,

[40:32] I miss them.

[40:33] I really miss those buffers.

[40:34] He's a rolled gold guy.

[40:35] The X-Files is brought to you by Michelob Light.

[40:40] Like it's a football game or something.

[40:42] Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[40:43] Well-

[40:44] Between aliens and Broncos.

[40:45] What are we doing here?

[40:46] This has been the Nostalgia House,

[40:46] but now we're moving on to Letters.

[40:48] Letters.

[40:50] A big old bag of letters.

[40:52] I like it.

[40:54] Gotta open up that bag and dip in your rum

[40:57] and grab out a fistful of steaming hot letters.

[41:03] Yeah.

[41:03] Nice, that was smooth.

[41:04] That was smooth.

[41:05] Got a real crooner voice that I wasn't aware of.

[41:07] Yeah, a little too smooth.

[41:08] Letters, there's some letters in the letters,

[41:09] in the letters.

[41:10] That's the-

[41:11] Turn down that noise.

[41:12] That's the death metal version.

[41:15] All right.

[41:15] Thanks.

[41:18] Fuck.

[41:18] Pop, I'm a pop star now.

[41:20] I'm like a Robbie Walliams.

[41:21] Yeah, Robbie Valium.

[41:24] So Stuart, is that what your new song's gonna be about

[41:26] now that the house cat song is burning up the charts?

[41:28] It's letters, yeah.

[41:29] It's all, it's the letters bag.

[41:31] Deep in your letters box.

[41:32] Legend tells of a letter rising from a blood red sea.

[41:36] Oh, that's plagiarizing.

[41:38] That's all copyright.

[41:40] Whoa, two letters at once?

[41:43] Mr. President, have you ever heard of a letter?

[41:46] So, actually before, now that you bring that up,

[41:49] maybe before we get into the letters.

[41:51] Yeah.

[41:52] We should say this.

[41:53] So we all got together.

[41:54] The three of us got together.

[41:57] Three of us?

[41:58] Three of us would be me, Dan McCoy, you, Stuart Wellington,

[42:01] and that guy, Elliot Kalin, plus.

[42:03] On the drums.

[42:05] The fourth flopper.

[42:06] Adjunct flopper, Hallie Hagland.

[42:08] We all got together this last Sunday

[42:12] to tape some things on video cassette.

[42:15] And why did we do this?

[42:16] That sounds really creepy.

[42:17] Did we kill Hallie on tape?

[42:20] No, what it is is a contest,

[42:23] a non-poorly defined contest.

[42:27] I like this one.

[42:27] This one's very un-poorly defined.

[42:28] So we shot a bunch of stuff in front of you.

[42:30] Random stuff.

[42:31] Random stuff.

[42:32] Some goofy make-em-ups and some posing and dance-arounds.

[42:35] We shot it all in front of a green screen

[42:37] to the end that we're gonna make this green screen footage

[42:40] available to you, the Flophouse fan.

[42:42] No extra cost.

[42:43] To make a music video.

[42:47] For the song of the autumn.

[42:48] For the song of the autumn.

[42:50] He's the house cat.

[42:51] I don't think that's the full title.

[42:53] What is the title?

[42:54] I don't remember, I wrote it down somewhere.

[42:56] He's the house cat, parentheses, theme from Arthur.

[42:59] Now when you make this musical video.

[43:02] Musical video.

[43:04] I can save you two letters there, Dan.

[43:08] I want everyone who makes a music video

[43:10] to credit the authors of this, Stuart Wellington

[43:13] and Alex Smith.

[43:14] Alex Smith.

[43:16] So what you can do is you can go to Alex Smith's homepage,

[43:21] you can download He's the House Cat for 55 cents.

[43:26] I'll throw up a link on the Flophouse website.

[43:30] The price of only 55 cents, which is no money.

[43:33] You would throw that out if you found it in your pockets.

[43:35] You can download He's the House Cat,

[43:37] Arthur's song of the autumn.

[43:39] With that money.

[43:41] You could buy half a hamburger.

[43:43] But use the green screen footage

[43:45] or don't use the green screen footage.

[43:46] But we made it, so why not use it?

[43:49] But make your video.

[43:50] Make a music video for He's the House Cat.

[43:52] This is your chance to be David Fincher

[43:55] before he got into feature films.

[43:56] I don't want to see you using this footage

[43:59] to frame us into committing some kind of ATM crime.

[44:02] No, we saw that, yeah.

[44:03] That's ass to mouth is what I meant.

[44:04] No.

[44:06] Try not to draw dicks on our faces

[44:08] or that kind of stuff.

[44:10] Don't use it in some kind of gypsy ritual

[44:11] where you can control our movements

[44:13] by controlling the.

[44:14] Yeah, and make us thinner.

[44:15] Now as of the date of recording,

[44:17] I'm not 100% sure of the link for the green screen video,

[44:21] but we will have that up.

[44:23] We'll be up at some point.

[44:23] On the Flophouse site, so keep checking that.

[44:25] And Dan, what's the prize of this contest?

[44:26] The prize is, number one.

[44:28] It's OP, so you're in.

[44:30] It's your classic choose a movie for us to review.

[44:34] They get to decide what we flop?

[44:36] It's almost like a choose your own flop venture.

[44:38] And number two, you get a T-shirt.

[44:40] Nice, what T-shirt would that be?

[44:41] Like a co-ed naked lacrosse T-shirt?

[44:44] Or like that?

[44:45] One of those Big Johnson shirts.

[44:46] What's the other one I was gonna say?

[44:48] Enormous Johnson is his name, Enormous Johnson.

[44:52] What other shirts did they ban at my middle school?

[44:55] Huge Woody, I think, Huge Woody's Air Force.

[44:58] Yeah, so you get to win a T-shirt.

[45:02] You get to play God and choose what movie we watch.

[45:05] All for just having fun making a music video

[45:08] using footage and song provided.

[45:09] We know we got a lot of filmmakers in our audience.

[45:12] Heartbreakers, love takers, bread bakers.

[45:16] Creative juices flow all over us.

[45:19] All over us.

[45:20] Spray us down.

[45:21] Don't like it.

[45:22] Why don't you reach into that fucking mailbag, brother?

[45:25] I think we need a new song now

[45:26] that it's a mailbag segment again.

[45:27] Okay, how does this one go, Elliot?

[45:29] But wait.

[45:30] Oh, you want me to sing it?

[45:31] Yeah, I thought you were.

[45:32] Oh, okay, okay.

[45:34] La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, letters.

[45:38] Letters, letters, letters, letters.

[45:40] Letters for floppers, the letters for floppers,

[45:42] the letters for floppers, the letters for floppers.

[45:43] Now read by Dan McCoy, read by Dan McCoy,

[45:44] read by Dan McCoy.

[45:46] Thank you.

[45:47] This first letter.

[45:48] Class up the joint.

[45:49] Is titled.

[45:50] Passion Play and Swinging for the Fences.

[45:54] Dear Three Men and a House Cat,

[45:56] while listening to the Passion Play episode,

[45:57] I was struck with how similar the description of that film

[46:00] seemed to a movie I really loved,

[46:02] the Polish Brothers, North Fork.

[46:05] Since your take on Passion Play

[46:06] ensured I would not be seeing that movie,

[46:09] it did strike me these two films

[46:10] tread on very similar ground,

[46:11] yet every misstep you mentioned in Passion Play

[46:14] seemed to be present in North Fork,

[46:15] only that movie worked for me.

[46:17] I realize I really enjoy it

[46:19] when a director shoots for transcendence and nails it.

[46:22] Other films I really think fill the bill in this regard

[46:25] are The Fountain, sorry, The Fountain.

[46:27] I didn't watch that.

[46:28] I don't really watch that.

[46:29] Which landed for me, but for some is just insufferable.

[46:32] Yeah, I can see that.

[46:33] And the sweet hereafter in Exotica,

[46:34] which seemed to be pretty universally loved,

[46:36] but criminally underseen.

[46:38] So his questions are, number one.

[46:39] Even though they're directed by Atom McGowan,

[46:41] the only director to harness the power of the atom.

[46:45] Have any of you seen North Fork?

[46:46] Did you enjoy it?

[46:47] Did you compare it to Passion Play

[46:48] in a favorable or unfavorable way?

[46:50] And number two, any recommendations for films

[46:53] of this nature that are willing to swing

[46:55] for the emotional fences

[46:56] and for you knocked out of the park?

[46:58] By the way, I've seen Invisible Maniac

[47:00] and while it had its charms,

[47:02] it came up short in the transcendence department.

[47:04] I disagree.

[47:05] Thanks and keep up the great work.

[47:06] First and last name withheld.

[47:08] Whoa, an anonymous, Arthur Anonymous.

[47:11] The Batman villain known only as No Villain.

[47:14] He never commits crimes, so they never catch him.

[47:17] How can we catch him?

[47:18] I have to admit, I did not like North Fork.

[47:20] I found it a little too precious and-

[47:23] I have not seen it.

[47:24] There is-

[47:25] If I can't.

[47:26] Is that the one where Elijah Wood

[47:28] plays the character North?

[47:29] No, that's North.

[47:31] So wait, what are we talking about?

[47:32] There's a movie, North Fork.

[47:34] What about the movie with the superhero,

[47:36] the fork, the something fork?

[47:39] That's mystery, man.

[47:40] I can't even remember.

[47:41] Anyway, I just love that one,

[47:44] but I will say that like Tree of Life for me

[47:46] reached a level of transcendence and-

[47:48] Shit, you stole mine.

[47:50] Yeah, sorry.

[47:51] I reached in your brain and pulled out the movie

[47:53] I knew you were thinking of.

[47:55] You're right.

[47:55] I did it on purpose, Dan.

[47:56] He called it.

[47:57] You don't have to say Cloud Atlas now.

[47:59] But also a movie I've mentioned before

[48:01] on the podcast, The Fall,

[48:03] I feel like achieves that for me too.

[48:04] That's a pretty good one.

[48:05] Yeah.

[48:07] You know, another one that I was thinking of

[48:08] that's not as maybe bold in its formal aspects,

[48:14] but is bold in terms of just being

[48:17] an unabashed melodrama is,

[48:19] I really like Imitation of Life,

[48:21] the Douglas Sirk movie.

[48:22] The second version of Imitation of Life,

[48:24] the 50s one.

[48:24] Yeah, the Sirk one,

[48:26] which, you know, it skirts along that edge of camp,

[48:30] but really like pushes the emotional content

[48:33] as far as it can go,

[48:34] but I really love that movie.

[48:36] And along the same line,

[48:38] something like Johnny Guitar,

[48:39] I think is very interesting.

[48:41] I don't know if that achieves transcendence though.

[48:44] I think you're talking about more movies

[48:45] that are just like big, bold emotions.

[48:47] Well, they make bold choices.

[48:49] Yeah.

[48:49] And are unabashed.

[48:51] They don't hedge.

[48:52] Yeah.

[48:52] Which I totally see in those.

[48:54] But in terms of a movie reaching

[48:56] for like a kind of poetic grace,

[48:58] like The Sweet Hereafter I think works also,

[49:00] although that's a different type.

[49:04] What about you, Scott?

[49:04] Oh man, I'm lost.

[49:06] I think all I can hope for is something that,

[49:09] like a movie that completely loses me.

[49:13] Something like The Assassination of Jesse James

[49:15] by the coward Robert Ford,

[49:17] something that like just completely absorbs me

[49:20] and I lose track of time,

[49:24] which is good,

[49:24] because they're long movies in it.

[49:27] There's like Carl Theodore Dreyer's movies,

[49:30] I feel like achieve that a lot.

[49:32] A movie like Ordet,

[49:33] which is slow,

[49:34] but like achieves that kind of grace for me.

[49:40] Those are very heavily religious movies.

[49:42] Passion of Joan of Arc is a similar type of thing.

[49:44] Yeah.

[49:46] I feel like there are some older movies that do it,

[49:47] but it's a tough thing to reach for,

[49:48] because when you fail at it,

[49:49] as with Passion Play,

[49:51] and in my opinion,

[49:51] a little bit North Fork,

[49:52] it really thuds hard.

[49:54] It's a very hard thing to achieve and pull off,

[49:58] because it's so delicate.

[49:59] It's like a...

[50:00] a summer thread made out of angel's hairs and delicious pasta so getting

[50:08] just the right cavatelli this next letter is titled loose ends and it

[50:13] starts dear flop hop flop roth and not the loose readings flop roth nocta

[50:19] dweller in the films beyond it is now I mean come on sounds gonna take a moment

[50:26] okay flop roth nocta dweller in the films beyond quality that would be your

[50:31] name if you were one of the great old ones okay like yeah this is a we're not

[50:36] we should maybe maybe Stewart's Nyarlathotep for some shit sure

[50:41] given your fondness for this is the last episode ever jokes I started

[50:46] thinking about the various loose ends you have been left hanging over the

[50:50] course of your hundred plus episodes not Stewart's tightest end I've ever seen

[50:53] yeah here are a few questions I think you should answer so as not to leave

[50:57] that end wondering okay questions for us let's answer for Elliot number one what

[51:04] is the right Ray Dennis Steckler movie to watch he once told us it wasn't the

[51:08] incredibly strange creatures who stopped living and became mixed-up zombies but

[51:11] never said what we should watch instead and number two what exactly is wrong

[51:15] with cannibal holocaust aside from the obvious and no animal slaughter sub

[51:20] porno acting goofy soundtrack artless nihilism and racism I mean those are

[51:24] all pretty good reasons not to watch can of all in class I think it also I'd sum

[51:28] it all up by saying no there's no redeeming value whatsoever in terms of

[51:32] gut appeal thrills meaning or plot technique or anything what about the car

[51:37] chases in carnival holidays and as for a very good question I don't know that

[51:48] there are any any ray Dennis Steckler movies that are worth watching think a

[51:52] boo-boo it's I want rat think a boo-boo to be so much better than it is I'll

[51:56] tell you what okay rat think a boo-boo one because the title is great cuz it's

[52:00] based on a typo and two because there is one long sequence where you're just

[52:05] watching a woman's butt as it walks down the street but it is so it's that's what

[52:11] cinema was invented I remember for years wanting to see rat think a boo-boo and

[52:15] I finally aired it on TCM I t-vote it I was so excited and finally watched it

[52:19] and I was so bored out of my mind by it so but if you're gonna watch in a cash

[52:24] flag movie as Ray Dennis Steckler also credited himself as then fine rat think

[52:29] a boo-boo it is all right now the questions for Stewart number one number

[52:34] one does the fact that Disney owns Marvel bring us closer or further away

[52:38] from answering all your questions about the relationship between Howard the Duck

[52:41] and DuckTales and number two which boobs are best well uh Howard the Duck the

[52:49] mention of Howard the Duck brings boobs into stark relief because duck boobs are

[52:53] not best no wait you didn't ask if duck boobs were best right that is the

[52:57] creepiest part of Howard the Duck you see the duck boobs uh yeah I mean that

[53:01] way creepier than a woman sleeping with a duck I think it is creepier than that

[53:05] I don't know and is weird doesn't he's a man duck Amanda duck yeah it's Amanda

[53:11] so yeah I mean I've only named porn star Amanda I thought we all assume that

[53:18] Duckburg was on the duck planet I have to yeah I mean and all there's a bunch

[53:23] of other animal people on there too like the Beagle Boys yeah I mean everyone

[53:27] except Howard the Duck believes that on his world everyone's a duck he's never

[53:31] met the Beagle Boys he maybe lives in the town he's in it like what's a

[53:35] fucking so it's like Johannesburg yeah yeah they have a complete internet

[53:42] shutdown so he doesn't know what it's like on the other side so you say it's

[53:45] like Pyongyang but ducks yeah okay awesome one the correct answer is my

[53:53] wife's wait my what oh wow Dan's wife's oh hey when we just left stop talking I

[54:02] was talking about Dan's wife's boobs it's supposed to be seamless and Dan

[54:06] what questions are there for you I can make the edit right before I say and

[54:09] Dan what questions are there for you and Dan what questions are there for you

[54:13] Dan's wife's boobs it's not a question merely boobs Dan so Daniel Daniel for

[54:21] Dan the questions are number four Dan's I'm seeing quadruple why are you so sad

[54:26] I think the answer is that your two best friends also annoy you and every time

[54:30] you see them you start questioning all the choices you've made that led to you

[54:34] having to listen to Elliot endlessly improvising dumb songs or Stuart raps

[54:37] at eyes about his penis but I'd like some confirmation of this upgraded to

[54:41] best friends that is and to be honest Dan talks about Stuart's penis more than

[54:46] Dan all the time these days number two what criteria do you use for picking

[54:52] letters from the mailbag my efforts to reverse engineer the process through

[54:55] pseudonyms and fraudulent emails are taking too long years and flop Lawrence

[54:59] hierophant of the first Church of floppiness I think the first thing you

[55:04] should do is title it penis enlargement guaranteed number one why am I so sad

[55:10] this is a tough one because I have and by all accounts I have a pretty good

[55:14] life you got a great life you got a high-paying television writing job

[55:17] married great wife your partner's shitty but otherwise you're super mean cat I

[55:23] think it's probably chemical your knee hurts yeah you know you got a lot of

[55:27] reasons to be mad no it is chemical yeah I said juice I worry a lot yeah

[55:32] that I think that's inherited from my parents oh yeah so is this your therapy

[55:37] cast I mean the guy has this WTF yeah what happened yeah WTF is the question

[55:43] I'm asking I'm what the fudge is happening here what if WTF was a fudge

[55:48] tasting show every week they taste a different fudge it's called what the

[55:53] fudge yes he has listeners call on and shout that into the microphone yeah so

[55:59] the criteria you hear the last episode with Iggy pop it was great he probably

[56:03] revealed a lot about what kind of fudge he likes what criteria used to choose

[56:08] the letters I if it's funny I choose it if it asks an interesting question I

[56:14] think that would spark debate I choose it if it's from my brother for some

[56:18] reason you choose those yeah I like to frustrate Elliot with that and if it's

[56:22] short I tend to choose it so there you go

[56:25] listeners these are written in a while yeah should we are we candy man right

[56:31] now I'm worried that we are is he fine maybe he's still alive that can't be it

[56:38] okay is this a busy sports time yeah is there a lot of sports right now cuz then

[56:46] maybe that could be Dan local sports in these I do like local sports I've been

[56:52] to several Cyclones games this next letter is titled Frankin oak hey folks

[56:58] great flopcast as usual however I feel like you guys in Elliot in particular

[57:02] mr. golden opportunity to touch upon and clarify a popular misconception not to

[57:07] sound too pedantic or anything but the name Frankin oak actually refers to the

[57:11] clothing company currently sponsoring the flop house and the correct title for

[57:15] the lumbering undead golem who delivers the shirts fresh to your door is in fact

[57:18] Frankin oaks monster it's a small but important distinction also both Dan and

[57:24] Elliot are in error the name of the quasi real paradise that the elves sailed

[57:28] to is Valinor aka the Undying Lands the Grey Havens home of seared and the

[57:35] shipwright and founded by the elves of Larry and by the way whatever your

[57:39] name following the wars against Morgoth was a location in Middle Earth that the

[57:47] elves sailed from to begin that journey not the destination is Dan so smugly

[57:51] asserted I got that wrong because I was too busy remembering things that

[57:54] actually happened in the I'm really glad I'm really glad that your wives aren't

[57:57] here so they're not totally ashamed of you I mean I mean of me and Dan yeah not

[58:02] the destination is Dan so smugly asserted drops Mike and walks away

[58:06] fireworks guitar riff eagle screech fade to black okay average last name

[58:10] without you want us back you want us back no no yeah I think you have totally

[58:14] misrepresented ever coolest nerd the coolness of correcting us on the Grey

[58:20] Havens nerd ever I don't think that you are walking away from an explosion in

[58:24] slow motion when you correct us on a matter of areas no anyway I've already

[58:30] forgotten all the things he corrected us on because I don't care yeah I blacked

[58:33] out the last if you want if you want I was too busy remembering real stuff and

[58:37] real sex on HBO I was too remembering busy remembering someone's wife's butt

[58:43] well you're just playing into the stereotype now yeah I thought I'd lean

[58:47] in in the future if you're gonna write in a correction email it should be about

[58:54] Japanese dating sim video games or something else that there's no way our

[58:59] wives would know anything about right because our wives are all wait wait what

[59:04] you know yeah my wife's totally in the Lord of the Rings yeah I read it to her

[59:10] every night while she brushes my hair on my head okay that's an adorably oh now

[59:19] it's gross so I never noticed that Stuart's wife

[59:24] feeds him a special food that keeps his pelt glossy it's called the peanut

[59:28] butter solution yeah that's isn't that the Sherlock Holmes story where he's

[59:33] snorting peanut butter he has to see Sigmund Freud so this final letter of

[59:40] the evening is titled how is your knee it starts it's written by nobody no one

[59:45] cares it starts hey Elliot oh my knees are fine don't listen to anyone else

[59:50] more songs please oh thank you Dan buck up there kiddo

[59:54] Stuart keep fighting the good fight yes

[1:00:00] P.S.

[1:00:01] Is it somebody's grandpa right now?

[1:00:03] You seem to be slowly teasing out more details of the famed Flophouse slash fiction.

[1:00:08] Still somewhat timid?

[1:00:10] Try a Flophouse dirty limerick.

[1:00:12] In the air, the scent of tears still lingers.

[1:00:15] Brought forth by Stewart's cruel zingers.

[1:00:17] The cleanup begins.

[1:00:19] Everyone wins.

[1:00:20] Elliot licks chicken grease from Dan's fingers.

[1:00:24] From the First World Privilege Hour.

[1:00:26] Well thank you for that.

[1:00:27] Is there a button on this thing that erases the entire pod?

[1:00:31] No, no, no, no!

[1:00:32] I gotta say, I still feel bad about that poor slash fiction author who put so much work

[1:00:35] into it.

[1:00:36] And we were not appreciative.

[1:00:37] I have to live in the shadows.

[1:00:39] We are not appreciative.

[1:00:41] Thank you for the work you put into scaring us.

[1:00:44] Yeah.

[1:00:45] The haiku.

[1:00:46] That was more, that was more...

[1:00:47] It's a limerick.

[1:00:48] It's not a haiku.

[1:00:49] What?

[1:00:50] It's not a haiku.

[1:00:51] That's true.

[1:00:52] Sorry.

[1:00:53] You, an Irishman, should know.

[1:00:54] Yeah.

[1:00:55] So, we just read a bunch of fucking letters, we...

[1:00:58] So that's the end of the podcast now, right?

[1:01:00] No, no, no!

[1:01:01] Guys, guys!

[1:01:02] Shocktober is over!

[1:01:03] No, guys!

[1:01:04] Shocktober's canceled.

[1:01:05] Let's go to bed.

[1:01:06] Let's go to bed.

[1:01:07] Candy and skeletons.

[1:01:08] Hold on, hold on.

[1:01:09] Let's put on our little sleeping caps and tuck ourselves in.

[1:01:10] Yep, tuck ourselves into that.

[1:01:11] What is it, a sardine camp?

[1:01:12] We're all sleeping.

[1:01:13] We're all sleeping together.

[1:01:14] In our tiny mouse caps.

[1:01:15] A little bed made out of a slice of bologna.

[1:01:18] Uh, no, there's one last segment.

[1:01:21] I woke up and my bed was gone.

[1:01:23] I had a dream I was eating bologna all night.

[1:01:25] And I woke up.

[1:01:30] The entire bed could be made out of bologna?

[1:01:32] That's insane!

[1:01:33] How did we get the bologna we were lying on?

[1:01:35] Before I realized you were making a stupid joke about that stupid joke, I thought you

[1:01:40] were making a stupid joke about penthouse letters.

[1:01:43] Dear penthouse letters, I never thought this would happen to me, but my bed was made of

[1:01:48] bologna.

[1:01:50] Well, I get this doesn't make sense, but let's keep reading because it might get hot later.

[1:01:54] Maybe there's sex in it?

[1:01:55] So I put mustard on the bed and I ate it.

[1:01:57] No, there's no, still.

[1:01:58] Well, let's keep reading.

[1:01:59] We'll find out.

[1:02:00] Is this all euphemisms?

[1:02:01] I don't get it.

[1:02:02] I don't want to read anymore.

[1:02:03] Just publish it.

[1:02:04] Just put it in.

[1:02:05] Whatever.

[1:02:06] We got comments.

[1:02:07] Reminds me of a joke that I either heard or wanted to tell.

[1:02:10] I can't remember.

[1:02:11] If it's a joke I came up with or not, which I think I did.

[1:02:15] Maybe I stole it from somebody.

[1:02:18] I dreamed I was eating a giant marshmallow and went away.

[1:02:21] Oh, my wife had left me.

[1:02:26] Sad joke.

[1:02:27] Anyway, so what do we do with this part of the podcast?

[1:02:29] It's over, right?

[1:02:30] Goodbye, everybody.

[1:02:31] Good night.

[1:02:32] I'll go ahead and start the car.

[1:02:34] We're all shocked-overs.

[1:02:35] Oh, no, the car won't start.

[1:02:37] And there's a crazy parking guy staring at us.

[1:02:39] Okay, let's get back in the ATM kiosk.

[1:02:40] Okay, let's get back in the podcast and record a little bit more.

[1:02:42] Okay, Dan, what do we do now?

[1:02:45] This is the part of the podcast where we recommend a movie that we actually enjoyed.

[1:02:49] And being shocked-over, if you can, perhaps a horror movie.

[1:02:53] But if you haven't seen one recently or you can't think of one, I won't be a fucking bitch about it.

[1:02:58] I like your welcome delivery there.

[1:03:00] So, Stuart, you want to go first?

[1:03:02] Sure.

[1:03:03] I'm going to start with a movie I don't think I've recommended yet.

[1:03:06] Head of the Family.

[1:03:09] Head of the Invisible Castle Freak.

[1:03:11] I've already recommended that.

[1:03:12] I'm going to recommend a movie called Below, directed by David Twohy.

[1:03:16] Bolo? About bolo ties?

[1:03:18] I wish it was about bolo ties.

[1:03:20] Sorry, Johnny Depp.

[1:03:22] David Twohy, the guy who directed Pitch Black, Chronicles of Riddick.

[1:03:26] That all? A perfect getaway?

[1:03:28] And Below is a submarine thriller, ghost story, question mark?

[1:03:38] With a great cast of character actors, including Bruce Greenwood, everybody's favorite Star Trek captain from Star Trek, spoiler alert, Into Darkness.

[1:03:48] Olivia Williams is in it.

[1:03:50] Jason Fleming.

[1:03:52] And Zach Galifianakis has a great little role in it.

[1:03:56] It was co-written by Darren Aronofsky, and Darren Aronofsky was supposed to direct it at some point.

[1:04:03] I don't know what kind of style over substance movie that would have been if he'd directed it.

[1:04:07] But it's a great little ghost story, and it's claustrophobic, and yeah, I'd recommend it.

[1:04:14] If a submarine ghost story, claustrophobic movie sounds good, check it out.

[1:04:18] So I watched a movie recently that...

[1:04:21] You want a medal for it? Come on, stop bragging.

[1:04:24] Yeah, where'd you watch it? On a fucking plane?

[1:04:26] Boom, high five.

[1:04:28] I watched a movie that Netflix recommended to me.

[1:04:30] On a plane.

[1:04:33] Netflix was like, watch this on a plane, Dan.

[1:04:37] You seem to like watching movies on planes.

[1:04:41] God damn it, I have seen a lot of movies on planes recently.

[1:04:44] So Netflix recommended a movie for you. Come on, we're not made out of time.

[1:04:47] I was like, okay Netflix, I'll play your game.

[1:04:50] I'll see what you have for me.

[1:04:52] And I liked it. It was called American Mary.

[1:04:55] It was directed by a pair of twin sisters.

[1:05:00] I think they're called the Sroka sisters.

[1:05:03] I think I know why you watched that movie, Dan.

[1:05:05] And it starred Catherine Isabel.

[1:05:07] That's why.

[1:05:09] Of Ginger Snaps fame.

[1:05:11] Is she the older sister or the younger sister?

[1:05:13] She's the older sister.

[1:05:15] Dan and my Canadian girlfriend.

[1:05:18] You wouldn't know her. She's from Canada.

[1:05:20] And it was in the Ginger Snaps movies.

[1:05:22] It's an interesting movie because it finds a...

[1:05:24] It stakes out a place in horror that I haven't seen before,

[1:05:28] It's about a woman who's in medical school studying to be a surgeon.

[1:05:32] But she doesn't have any money.

[1:05:34] So she applies for this job at a strip club.

[1:05:37] But before she can actually apply for the job,

[1:05:40] she gets roped into performing surgery on someone in the back room

[1:05:46] who has been beat all to hell.

[1:05:48] And from that point, she gets roped into this weird world of underground body modification.

[1:05:54] So it is this sort of body horror film.

[1:05:58] And it's an interesting...

[1:06:00] It's a character study of this character.

[1:06:02] It's kind of a...

[1:06:04] It's got this kind of arch sense of humor to it.

[1:06:07] It's also sort of a sexy movie.

[1:06:10] But no nudity.

[1:06:12] Catherine Isabel doesn't do nudity.

[1:06:14] No nudity.

[1:06:16] It's an interesting movie.

[1:06:18] It falls apart a little bit in the back half

[1:06:20] where the movie loses focus.

[1:06:23] It turns into a very incident-based film.

[1:06:26] After a certain point, I feel like it was like a

[1:06:30] Tales from the Crypt that just didn't end.

[1:06:33] It keeps going and you're like,

[1:06:35] Really? Where's the Cryptkeeper?

[1:06:37] Is it my turn? Do I go on now?

[1:06:39] No? Okay. I'll just...

[1:06:41] Well, go boys and go...

[1:06:43] No, no, no.

[1:06:45] It's a feature.

[1:06:47] Okay.

[1:06:49] Seems like not enough story for a full feature-length film.

[1:06:51] Surely it's over now.

[1:06:53] Really? Okay. Wow.

[1:06:55] It's an interesting movie.

[1:06:57] It's a lot of fun to watch.

[1:06:59] I will issue one warning.

[1:07:03] If you're sensitive to such things,

[1:07:05] there is a rape scene in the movie.

[1:07:07] So just...

[1:07:09] I am not a fan of those.

[1:07:11] So just beware.

[1:07:13] But otherwise, I think it's a very enjoyable horror.

[1:07:15] So not one to pop in when I'm visiting the family.

[1:07:17] Yeah.

[1:07:20] So that's my recommendation. American Mary.

[1:07:22] I haven't seen any

[1:07:24] movies lately that I really loved

[1:07:26] and I haven't seen any horror movies lately that I loved.

[1:07:28] I gotta get into the October spirit.

[1:07:30] We'll help you with ATM.

[1:07:32] Let's pop it in the DVD player.

[1:07:34] So I'm gonna recommend

[1:07:36] to make up for it, I'm gonna recommend two movies

[1:07:38] I may have recommended before but I'm not sure

[1:07:40] but they're two of my favorites.

[1:07:42] First, I'm gonna recommend...

[1:07:44] It's always new to somebody.

[1:07:46] Yeah, that's true. I'm gonna recommend maybe the scariest movie I've ever seen to me

[1:07:49] and that's Oogie Loves the Great Balloon Adventure

[1:07:51] and that's Persona.

[1:07:53] Ingmar Bergman's tale

[1:07:55] of shattered psyches

[1:07:57] and the

[1:07:59] malleability

[1:08:01] of human identity.

[1:08:03] It is a super creepo movie.

[1:08:05] For super creeps.

[1:08:07] If you're a super creep,

[1:08:09] super creep, you're super creepy.

[1:08:11] If you're the creepy kind of girl,

[1:08:13] the kind they don't take home to mother.

[1:08:15] But it's a movie that is, yes,

[1:08:18] but I find it very frightening

[1:08:20] and in a tense way, too.

[1:08:22] Not just in a like,

[1:08:24] oh, well, that's a crazy idea way.

[1:08:26] So, like, when you think about it,

[1:08:28] what it says about man's place in the cosmos

[1:08:30] is quite frightening. No, there's a visceral

[1:08:32] fear to it also.

[1:08:34] And if you're more in the mood of a spooky, pulpy thing,

[1:08:36] then I may have, again, recommended before

[1:08:38] but In the Mouth of Madness.

[1:08:40] My personal favorite.

[1:08:42] Sentimentally of John Carpenter's movies,

[1:08:44] it's the closest I feel anyone's really come to making

[1:08:46] a real Lovecraft-y, Stephen King-y

[1:08:48] type story

[1:08:50] melding for the screen.

[1:08:52] And it's got a wicked opening guitar lick, man.

[1:08:54] Yes.

[1:08:56] Well, of course, John Carpenter did the music.

[1:08:58] So, of course, it's amazing.

[1:09:00] But it's got a great cast. You've got Sam Neill,

[1:09:02] Jurgen Prochnow, David Warner, John Glover,

[1:09:04] Charlton Heston, some tough-ass dudes in there.

[1:09:06] And it's a really fun, creepy,

[1:09:08] kind of silly movie

[1:09:10] with some good creepy scenes.

[1:09:12] So, if you're in the highbrow mood,

[1:09:14] Persona. And if you're in kind of a

[1:09:16] creepy, fun mood, In the Mouth of Madness.

[1:09:18] Well, that's it

[1:09:20] for this edition,

[1:09:22] the Shocktober edition of the Flophouse.

[1:09:24] This dead-ish-en... Let's hold it together.

[1:09:26] ...of the Glophouse.

[1:09:28] Guys, we've got one more, though.

[1:09:30] Oh, boy. Shocktober's not over yet.

[1:09:32] We're only halfway through the woods.

[1:09:34] And that's the scariest part.

[1:09:36] Because we've got just as much to go as we've already been.

[1:09:38] And we've barely made it this far.

[1:09:40] Mm-hmm. Full of super creeps.

[1:09:42] Okay. I've been Stuart.

[1:09:44] Bye-bye.

[1:09:46] Was that Baby Stu, your new character?

[1:09:48] I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:09:50] And I will be Elliot Kalin,

[1:09:52] now and forever, like cats.

[1:09:54] We'll see you in our dreams.

[1:09:56] No, Cat's the Musical, now and forever.

[1:10:00] It's demonstrating it, well it likes to be a compliment before it eats you.

[1:10:18] Yeah.

[1:10:19] Clever girl.

[1:10:20] Oh well thank you!

[1:10:21] Ow!

[1:10:22] Clever.

[1:10:23] Easy, breezy, beautiful, clever girl.

The Flop House: Episode #136 - ATM

Chapters

Transcript

Description