The Flop House: Episode #136 - ATM

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this first Shocktober episode of 2013, we discuss ATM, the movie that really captures the horror of watching ATM.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[0:45] Yeah, I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:48] And I'm Elliot Kalin.

Dan McCoy

[0:49] Hey guys.

[0:49] You guys expecting me to do something?

[0:51] Hey.

[0:51] What's up?

[0:52] Hey.

[0:52] You looking at the calendar? You having a look at the calendar?

[0:55] I don't know.

[0:55] I heard the theme music. I heard the theme music kick in.

Elliott Kalan

[0:58] Dan, you know that my parents were killed by calendar.

[1:01] I'm sorry.

[1:02] Calendar Man?

[1:03] It's a very special time of year.

[1:06] Bizarro Calendar Man?

[1:07] It was a man bitten by a radioactive calendar.

[1:09] Wait.

[1:10] And from that point on, you have the power to produce one far side cartoon a day.

[1:15] Man Calendar.

[1:16] They're mostly about cows.

[1:18] Basically, it's Gary Larson.

[1:19] I mean, the thing is, once you see it, you flip ahead to see the future ones, then once they come up, you're like, yeah, I saw this one.

[1:24] I get it.

[1:26] When you buy a page a day far side calendar, what you're really buying is a hard to read book of far side cartoons.

[1:34] A book that you throw away daily.

[1:36] It's a poorly formatted book of far side cartoons that you flip through once, then throw away.

[1:41] It's like an advent calendar.

[1:43] Yeah.

[1:44] That doesn't make you fat.

Dan McCoy

[1:45] Just kidding, Gary Larson.

[1:46] I hurt you.

[1:47] End your work.

[1:48] Mm-hmm.

[1:49] So it's Shocktober.

[1:51] The most wonderful time of the year.

[1:54] I was shocked.

[1:55] Now, Dan, is it called Shocktober because of the electricity?

[1:58] No.

[1:59] It's because of the fear it strikes into the hearts of all.

[2:02] Now, what?

[2:03] Wait.

[2:03] Are you shocked that I didn't make a joke there?

Stuart Wellington

[2:05] Why are you looking at me weird?

Dan McCoy

[2:06] I thought you'd do a sound effect or something.

[2:07] Wait.

[2:08] Yeah, there you go.

Elliott Kalan

[2:09] Or like a Shocktober.

Dan McCoy

[2:11] There you go.

[2:13] Yeah, you got to see what I was doing in the last minute.

[2:14] Yeah.

[2:14] It was a change you forged in life, Stuart.

[2:17] He's dead.

[2:18] He's dead.

[2:19] He's here to teach us a lesson.

[2:20] Wait.

[2:20] Did we both visit by the ghost of Mr. Wellington?

[2:22] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[2:23] We're real Jacob Marley.

[2:24] Tonight, you'll be visited by three spirits, whiskey, rum.

[2:30] Okay.

[2:30] And come up with a third teetailer?

[2:32] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[2:33] Vermouth.

[2:34] Yeah.

[2:34] All right.

[2:35] Barely.

[2:35] It's kind of a gross one.

[2:36] It's a wine.

[2:37] It's a fortified wine.

[2:40] Bartles and James.

[2:40] No.

[2:41] Okay.

[2:41] That's a brand of wine.

[2:42] Cooler.

Elliott Kalan

[2:44] Cooler than wine?

[2:45] Wine with sunglasses on.

Dan McCoy

[2:47] Yeah.

[2:48] You aced it.

[2:49] You aced the test.

[2:49] Oh, good.

[2:50] Congratulations.

Elliott Kalan

[2:51] So I'm president of bars now?

[2:52] Yeah.

[2:52] Put on these sunglasses.

Dan McCoy

[2:54] Now you are a cool dude.

[2:55] I can't see through these.

[2:55] You become a president by passing a test, I guess.

Elliott Kalan

[2:58] So it's Shocktober, and what does that mean, Daniel?

Dan McCoy

[3:00] It means we watch nothing but horror movies.

[3:04] We watch nothing but trouble.

[3:06] The Dan Aykroyd masterpiece.

[3:08] We watch horror movies for the month of October, which means we watch two horror movies.

Elliott Kalan

[3:12] Sometimes three.

[3:14] Well, not this year.

[3:15] A few things delight me more than the excitement of Flophouse fans when Shocktober is arriving,

[3:19] knowing that it just means two horror movies.

[3:23] In a row.

[3:23] And we often watch-

Dan McCoy

[3:24] Rather than two horror movies separated by maybe a month.

Elliott Kalan

[3:27] Separated by maybe a Katherine Heigl romantic comedy or an action film.

[3:31] But we love that you're so devoted to Shocktober.

[3:34] It truly is, as Dan said, the best time of the year.

[3:38] And tonight we watch-

Stuart Wellington

[3:39] To me, this is why we do the podcast.

[3:41] Because I think when Dan and I first-

[3:42] All those other months are bullshit.

[3:43] When Dan and I first started podcasting without actually recording it and just sitting around

[3:47] bullshitting over a bad movie, it was primarily the horror movies.

Dan McCoy

[3:50] That's not-

[3:50] Wait, what's a podcast then?

[3:51] You would have to be recording it.

Stuart Wellington

[3:52] Okay.

[3:53] And then putting it-

[3:54] In a pod.

[3:55] In a pod and burying it for 100 years.

Dan McCoy

[3:57] And shooting it to Earth.

[3:58] Okay.

[3:59] Because Krypton is going to explode.

[4:01] Oh, man.

Elliott Kalan

[4:02] Oh, man.

[4:02] That's quite a shock.

[4:03] Yeah.

[4:04] Tober.

[4:06] So, anyway.

[4:06] Tober Grace.

Stuart Wellington

[4:08] Let's get a little-

Elliott Kalan

[4:10] You already know this because you looked at the name of this podcast.

[4:13] So, we watched a horror movie tonight.

[4:15] Or was it a horrible movie?

[4:18] Well, let's find out.

[4:19] Yeah, we got a couple minutes.

[4:20] What was the movie, Daniel?

[4:21] It was a little movie called ATM.

Dan McCoy

[4:24] Ante M?

[4:24] Like from Wizard of Oz?

[4:25] ATM.

[4:26] Like she's evil?

Elliott Kalan

[4:26] The pretzel place.

[4:28] Oh, Ante Ann's pretzels.

[4:29] The pretzels are killing people.

Dan McCoy

[4:31] The letter A period, the letter T period, the letter M period, but without the periods.

[4:35] Oh, okay.

[4:36] Okay.

[4:37] ATM.

Elliott Kalan

[4:37] So, it stood for a terrible movie?

[4:39] Mm-hmm.

[4:40] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[4:40] It was the porn abbreviation for ass to mouth.

[4:42] That's what we watched tonight.

[4:44] Whoa.

Elliott Kalan

[4:44] Whoa.

[4:44] What?

[4:45] What?

[4:46] What?

[4:46] Inappropriate.

[4:47] Why would you say that?

[4:48] What?

[4:48] I say that with Dan's face.

[4:50] Last I checked, this was Shocktober and not Inappropriate Languagetober.

[4:55] I apologize.

[4:56] So, ATM.

Dan McCoy

[4:57] This has always been an all-ages podcast.

[4:59] Yeah, thank you.

Elliott Kalan

[4:59] Well, it's primarily for the kids.

[5:01] Yeah, for the fucking kids.

Dan McCoy

[5:02] It's like the hula hoop.

[5:04] You know, for kids.

Elliott Kalan

[5:05] For kids.

[5:05] It's a dingus.

[5:06] For kids.

[5:08] So, Dan, ATM, that sounds like one of those horror movies about an evil ATM that eats

[5:12] people.

[5:12] Recommended.

Elliott Kalan

[5:13] Or maybe it's like an ATM possessed by the soul of a killer.

Dan McCoy

[5:16] It's like The Lift or Deathbed, the bed that eats people.

Elliott Kalan

[5:18] Yeah, or Chucky, the doll movie.

Stuart Wellington

[5:20] Or Ginger Dead Man, the gingerbread man that kills you.

Elliott Kalan

[5:23] Yeah, or The Beast with Five Fingers.

Dan McCoy

[5:25] Or Jack Frost about that terrifying Michael Keaton.

Elliott Kalan

[5:28] I like it.

[5:31] I'm surprised.

[5:32] If I wrote a Simpsons spec script, and this is why I'm never going to get hired for The

[5:35] Simpsons, I'd write a joke where they rent Jack Frost and it's a terrifying horror movie

[5:39] and they go, ah!

[5:40] And they return to the video store, get the Michael Keaton Jack Frost, and then Roger go,

[5:44] ah!

[5:44] And return it to the video store.

Dan McCoy

[5:46] One percent of the audience would love that joke.

[5:48] Yeah.

[5:49] So, now we watched a movie about some people trapped in an ATM kiosk.

Elliott Kalan

[5:55] Now, there's...

[5:56] That sounds pretty scary.

[5:56] What would be scarier than...

[5:58] Did they not get money out?

[5:59] Are they out of money?

[5:59] It's the middle of the night.

[6:00] Someone stole their identity.

[6:01] It's the middle...

[6:02] Oh, man.

[6:02] No, they didn't.

[6:03] It's the middle of the night.

[6:04] It's free...

Stuart Wellington

[6:04] It's like the movie Identity.

[6:05] Identity.

[6:06] That's what happens, where John Cusack's identity gets stolen by that little kid.

[6:09] Yeah, by Melissa McCarthy.

Elliott Kalan

[6:12] Now you've got a movie.

[6:13] Okay, now I'm interested.

Stuart Wellington

[6:16] So...

[6:16] Melissa McCarthy plays a little kid, and she's in the brain of John Cusack.

Elliott Kalan

[6:19] Melissa McCarthy just stole John Cusack's identity, but which identity was it?

[6:23] Oh, no, it was Pruitt Tao Vince.

[6:24] Okay, there's your movie.

[6:26] It's called Identity Thief.

[6:27] No, it's called...

[6:28] You know what it's called?

[6:29] Multiple Identity Thief.

[6:30] And you steal the identity, financially, of a crazy person, and that crazy person's other

[6:36] identities come to kill you for revenge.

[6:38] So it's like the crook is on the run, being chased by a killer who could take any form from

[6:44] his identities.

[6:45] That's amazing.

Dan McCoy

[6:46] Where can I mail my $7,500,000?

Elliott Kalan

[6:49] So you can mail it to my hand right now.

[6:52] Okay.

[6:52] Just write on the envelope, Elliot's hand, then put it in my hand.

[6:56] Okay.

[6:56] And then I'll write that movie for you.

[6:58] Thank you.

[6:58] How many nude scenes did you want in that movie?

[7:00] 50.

[7:01] You got it.

[7:01] So all of them.

[7:02] Wow.

Stuart Wellington

[7:02] I didn't know there were 50 scenes in a movie.

Elliott Kalan

[7:04] I just learned something.

[7:04] There will be in this one.

[7:05] Every three minutes, I want a nude scene.

[7:08] Okay, so ATM.

[7:09] Should we talk about what this movie's about?

[7:10] Because the plot is very thin.

Dan McCoy

[7:11] I thought you said it was about people trapped in a fucking ATM.

[7:13] I think we're done.

Elliott Kalan

[7:14] So we're introduced to a colorful cast of characters.

[7:17] There's a blonde guy, brunette guy, and Alice Eve, blonde girl.

[7:21] They all work at a Wall Street company, and the blonde guy is sad.

[7:25] It's Christmas.

[7:26] But the blonde guy's sad because he just lost one of his clients' money.

[7:30] They have a holiday party.

[7:31] He's not going to go to it.

[7:34] Then he does, which is good, because Alice Eve, his co-worker that he has a crush on,

[7:37] is there.

[7:37] Who wouldn't?

[7:38] And who wouldn't?

[7:39] Alice Eve.

[7:39] She's a 10, dude.

[7:41] In a scene that goes on.

[7:42] She's out of my league.

[7:44] I was going to say it, Dan, but you're totally wrong.

[7:48] You are totally in her league.

[7:50] Oh, thank you, buddy.

[7:50] She's Star Trek Into Darkness.

Dan McCoy

[7:52] Yep.

[7:53] And what other movies was she in?

[7:54] She's a real, some other British movie, I assume.

[7:57] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[7:57] Probably another fucking movie we watched here.

[8:00] I don't remember.

[8:00] Something with Jared Butler or something.

Elliott Kalan

[8:02] Yeah, yeah.

[8:02] Gremlin Butler.

[8:03] Yeah, she was probably in Olympus Has Fallen.

[8:05] Gremlin Butler.

[8:06] Okay, so anyway, he kind of fumblingly asks her out.

[8:11] The blonde guy asks Alice Eve out in a scene that takes 17 hours, where they're just kind

Stuart Wellington

[8:16] of mumbling and nervous with each other.

[8:18] Well, they're explaining how nervous they are, just like people do in normal conversations.

[8:21] Alice Eve, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[8:21] She spends a lot of time talking about how nervous she is, which is hilarious, because

[8:24] she is Alice Eve, and she looks like Alice Eve.

[8:27] Famously confident.

[8:29] No.

[8:30] Famous for her confidence.

[8:31] This kind of like bland guy asking out Alice Eve.

[8:34] There's no reason why she should be nervous.

Stuart Wellington

[8:36] I mean, she's kind of bland, too, though.

[8:37] Yeah, but she's so-

Dan McCoy

[8:38] Or in this movie, she is.

[8:39] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[8:39] Stuart mentioned, or I think maybe you mentioned-

[8:41] She's not a space doctor, like in spoiler alert, Star Trek, spoiler alert, into darkness.

Elliott Kalan

[8:46] Spoiler alert, they go into darkness.

[8:48] She is, as one of you guys mentioned, she's one of those women who's so pretty, everyone's

[8:52] too intimidated to talk to her, and it makes her nervous, because she thinks nobody likes

[8:55] her.

Dan McCoy

[8:55] But also, it seems like both her and the hero may be mentally challenged in some way.

Elliott Kalan

[9:00] They also are a little mentally handicapped when they talk to each other.

Dan McCoy

[9:03] They seem like 12-year-olds.

[9:03] Okay, now-

Stuart Wellington

[9:04] Her beauty is like Cassidy's strength in the Preacher comic book, where he doesn't actually

[9:09] have to learn to fight, because he's too strong.

[9:11] She's so beautiful, she doesn't actually have to learn how to flirt.

[9:14] Interesting.

[9:15] I get it.

[9:16] That's one for the kids out there listening.

[9:17] That's one for the Preacher fans.

Elliott Kalan

[9:19] For everyone who was reading Vertigo comics 15 years ago.

Dan McCoy

[9:24] Okay.

[9:24] Yeah.

[9:25] Now can you compare it to Death, the High Cost of Living somehow?

Stuart Wellington

[9:28] Oh, shit.

[9:30] The art isn't that good?

Elliott Kalan

[9:31] Okay.

[9:32] It's Chris Pachalo.

[9:34] Wait, what?

[9:35] Anyway, they got one of the best comic artists whose art is unreadable at times.

[9:41] Anyway, well, I could talk about-

[9:42] Along with Bill Sienkiewicz.

[9:43] No, Bill Sienkiewicz is amazing.

[9:45] Oh, sorry.

[9:46] He's amazing.

[9:46] He's a visionary.

[9:47] I'm going to see him at Comic-Con next week and tell him that you said something bad

[9:50] about it.

Elliott Kalan

[9:50] It is occasionally unreadable.

[9:53] But moving on.

[9:54] So, because we've gotten about three minutes into the film.

[9:56] Luckily, it's a 90-minute movie and there's almost no plot.

[9:59] So he agrees to drive-

[10:00] The hero, I guess you'd call him?

[10:02] Wikipedia would disagree with you.

Stuart Wellington

[10:03] There's like six paragraphs of plot on the plot somewhere.

Elliott Kalan

[10:05] He agrees to drive Alice Eve home thinking, hey, maybe we're going to hit it off and I'm going to put my penis in her vagina tonight.

[10:11] Unfortunately, his douchey-

Stuart Wellington

[10:13] I'm surprised he didn't say it from the rest of the dialogue.

Elliott Kalan

[10:16] Yeah, his douchey friend also wants a ride home and is a real third wheel, especially-

[10:21] Played by Josh Peck from Red Dawn.

[10:24] Red Dawn.

[10:24] He also plays the douchey younger brother in Red Dawn.

[10:27] Now, he says, hey, I'm hungry.

[10:30] I want pizza, but I don't have any cash.

[10:32] Can you drive me to the ATM and then drive me to the pizza place?

[10:34] And then I swear, I'll leave and you can mack on her.

[10:37] So they go to the ATM.

[10:39] The blonde guy-

Dan McCoy

[10:40] In a fit of narrative convenience, he parks way far away from the ATM.

Elliott Kalan

[10:46] The driver, the blonde guy, parks like 100, 400 feet from the ATM.

[10:51] Way too far.

Dan McCoy

[10:52] Well, it's a nice night.

[10:53] They want to go for a brisk walk.

Elliott Kalan

[10:54] It's not a nice night.

[10:55] It's very-

[10:55] It's below zero.

[10:56] It's below zero.

[10:57] They're in Winnipeg.

[10:57] It's late at night.

[10:58] They're in Winnipeg, the saddest city in the world, a scene in the saddest music in the world, one of my favorite movies.

[11:03] And he just decides to park there and make his friend walk.

[11:06] His friend goes in and then comes back, uh, my card's not working.

[11:10] Can you give me some money?

[11:12] So the blonde guy goes in with him.

[11:14] Alice Eve sits in the car for a little bit.

[11:16] Uh, she's already noticed that the driver has, was it St. Christopher's medal or something like that for travelers?

[11:21] Uh, she goes, she's getting cold.

[11:23] So she decides to do what we would all do if we're cold.

[11:25] Go out into the cold and join them in the ATM.

[11:29] Only that's when-

[11:29] And she was complaining that his car wouldn't lock, so she left her purse in there for some reason.

[11:33] Yeah, the car would-

[11:34] She couldn't get the car to lock, so she left all of her things in there and didn't stay with the car.

[11:38] But-

[11:38] Mm-hmm.

[11:39] Airtight.

[11:39] Airtight so far.

[11:40] So they're in this ATM kiosk, but uh-oh, a shadowy figure in a parka is staring at them from across the parking lot.

Dan McCoy

[11:47] And there's nothing scarier than a man in a parka.

Elliott Kalan

[11:50] Let me tell you.

[11:51] You know you're dealing with a monster if he's wearing a parka.

Dan McCoy

[11:54] Right up there with a goalie mask and a white-painted-

[11:57] A goalie mask?

[11:58] Shatter.

[11:58] Yeah.

[11:58] They make those?

[11:59] A fan of the ghoulies.

[12:00] A ghoulie mask.

[12:00] Yeah.

[12:01] No, that would be terrifying.

[12:02] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[12:03] A Jeff Gahoulie mask, ex-husband of Tonya Harding.

Dan McCoy

[12:08] Yeah, so they're all in there.

[12:11] And parka boy.

Elliott Kalan

[12:12] And parka guy's just staring at them.

[12:13] And they immediately assume this is dangerous.

[12:16] And it would be kind of scary to just have a guy, you can't see his face, he's in a parka.

[12:20] His face is hidden in the shadows of his parka.

Dan McCoy

[12:22] I mean, he's standing movie serial killer style.

[12:25] Yeah.

[12:25] Like, legs akimbo, just still.

[12:28] Just still.

[12:28] That was that gangster, wasn't it?

[12:29] Legs akimbo.

[12:30] Actually, I'm stealing-

[12:31] That was a joke on-

[12:32] Gangster mall.

Elliott Kalan

[12:33] On Freakazoid.

[12:34] They had a character named Arms Akimbo, I remember now.

[12:36] So I apologize to the creators of Freakazoid, which is, I guess, Steven Spielberg in Amblin Entertainment.

[12:41] Yeah.

[12:41] Send them 33 cents.

[12:42] I will not do that.

[12:44] The stamp to send it to them would cost more than that.

[12:47] So anyway, they're like, uh-oh, there's a scary guy there.

[12:50] I guess we'll stay here and be scared?

[12:52] Us two men and one woman will be frightened and stay inside.

[12:56] Of just a guy standing in a parking lot.

[12:58] But then a guy walking a dog comes by and the parka man beats him to death.

[13:03] So they're like, whoa, this shit just got real.

[13:06] At least knocks him out.

[13:07] He literally slams his face against the parking lot pavement over and over again.

[13:12] I mean, the human body can take a lot of punishment, Elliot.

[13:14] There's just blood all over the place and he never gets up and moves ever again.

Dan McCoy

[13:17] But the only emotional response this movie elicited in me was when the dog laid its head on his dead master's body and then ran away.

[13:25] That was the only-

[13:26] That was the one moment of emotion.

Stuart Wellington

[13:27] Yeah, because it said his soul was leaving his body.

[13:29] Yeah.

[13:29] Had to chase it to another world.

[13:32] That's how dogs work.

Dan McCoy

[13:35] He was like, oh, you're not going to feed me anymore.

[13:36] Exit stage left.

Elliott Kalan

[13:39] Guess I'll find a new source of bacon strips.

[13:44] So forgive me if I get the order of things wrong, but they spend forever in this ATM arguing about whether they should do anything.

[13:51] Yeah.

[13:51] The bad guy-

[13:53] Knocks out the heat.

[13:53] Knocks out the heating element using tools he found in the trunk of the hero's car.

[13:59] He also has disabled the car.

[14:01] And they just kind of hang around being scared for a while.

Dan McCoy

[14:05] There's one point where the hero runs for the car to try and get it.

[14:09] He can't-

Elliott Kalan

[14:10] He manages to lose his jacket and phone.

Dan McCoy

[14:12] Yeah, he can't-

[14:13] But his phone was dead, right?

Elliott Kalan

[14:15] He tries to get a Blackberry, but he doesn't just-

[14:17] He tries to get her Blackberry.

[14:18] What I love is they're like, call the police, call the police.

[14:21] I'll get the phone.

[14:21] I'll try to get the phone.

[14:22] I'll call the police.

[14:23] And while he gets in the car, he gets the phone.

[14:27] The bad guy smashes the window and they struggle.

[14:29] But while they're struggling, he looks up contacts on the phone.

[14:32] And it says no contacts.

[14:34] It's the simple-

[14:36] There's only one easier number to call, and that's zero for operator,

[14:39] and she could connect you to 911.

[14:41] Why are you checking her contacts?

[14:42] I don't know how they do things in Winnipeg.

[14:43] I better check in-

[14:45] I better call-

Stuart Wellington

[14:45] You gotta make sure that she doesn't have a boyfriend.

Elliott Kalan

[14:47] I better call Alice Eve's job to make sure they'll know she's not coming in tomorrow.

Stuart Wellington

[14:51] But she has no contacts.

[14:53] I better call-

[14:53] She's a blank slate, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[14:54] I better call her friends to see what she likes for the first date.

[14:58] Was she in on the whole thing?

[15:00] Maybe.

[15:00] We'll find out later.

[15:01] No, we won't.

[15:01] Anyway, we will.

[15:02] She wasn't in on it.

[15:03] So they're stuck in the ATM thing.

[15:05] They argue with each other.

[15:06] They're trying to get the police's attention by smashing the ATM and setting off some kind

[15:10] of alarm, but they can't quite do it.

[15:11] It doesn't work.

[15:12] A security guard comes by.

[15:13] They wave him down.

[15:14] He also decides to park hundreds of feet away from the ATM kiosk.

Dan McCoy

[15:18] After she, like, Alice Eve has written help on the wall and lipstick, they're all waving

[15:23] at him.

[15:24] They're yelling.

[15:24] Yeah, and he decides to park equally far away and walk slowly.

[15:28] And he's like, what?

Elliott Kalan

[15:28] I can't hear you.

[15:29] The bad guy hits him with a tire iron and kills him.

[15:31] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[15:32] Multiple times, not just one time.

Elliott Kalan

[15:33] Kills him multiple times.

[15:34] As Stuart says.

[15:35] He's not a punk.

[15:37] He's not down.

[15:38] The one hit doesn't kill him.

[15:39] It knocks him down.

[15:40] But no, it takes...

[15:40] Actually, the killer hits him way more times than he needs to.

[15:43] And it actually seems like the killer is, like, overdoing it somewhat.

Dan McCoy

[15:47] But, yeah, Stuart makes the point.

[15:49] You don't really want to root for anyone's death.

[15:51] But in the case of a fictional character, this is one fictional character who kind of deserves

[15:55] the security guard.

[15:56] Yeah.

[15:57] Well, he's bad at his job.

[15:58] He's incompetent.

Elliott Kalan

[15:59] For all you know, he might have had a fictional family.

[16:01] If he had been good at his job, everybody else would have survived.

Stuart Wellington

[16:04] Yeah.

[16:05] Not the dog guy.

[16:06] He would have been dead.

[16:06] He was already dead.

Elliott Kalan

[16:07] Unless he's playing dead.

[16:08] Okay.

[16:08] Long story short, they try another couple gambits.

[16:11] The douchey guy says, I'm just going to run for it.

[16:14] He starts running and then gets knocked over by an invisible trip wire that the bad guy set up.

[16:19] And the bad guy stabs him.

[16:21] Although he makes it back to the kiosk before he dies.

[16:23] And they're trying to keep him alive.

Dan McCoy

[16:25] You forgot one major point, which is in between times.

[16:29] Another guy wearing an identical parka just stumbles into the ATM and they murder him.

Elliott Kalan

[16:35] They use the ATM for its normal purpose.

[16:37] The heroes use the chain that would be attaching pens to a desk to strangle this man to death.

Dan McCoy

[16:43] The thing that's known famously for not being able to secure a pen is able to strangle this man.

Elliott Kalan

[16:50] To paraphrase Christopher Walken, the chain is going to break.

[16:55] That's from Dead Zone.

[16:56] Although it sounded more like Woody Allen in Dead Zone.

[16:59] What a movie that would have been.

[17:01] Woody Allen's Dead Zone.

Dan McCoy

[17:02] I'm eventually going to fall in love with my surrogate child.

Elliott Kalan

[17:08] I shook your hand and I saw you with a woman that I think you shouldn't be sleeping with.

[17:14] It was very erotic, but maybe I should warn you about the future.

[17:18] I just don't think she's right for you.

[17:19] I think that maybe you should look into somebody else.

[17:22] I touched your shoulder and I saw you cheating on Marie, but Marie's a wonderful woman.

[17:27] Why would you do that?

[17:29] I like Woody Allen's Dead Zone.

[17:31] I'm not playing this game with you guys.

[17:33] Come on.

[17:34] You know you want to do it.

[17:35] I'm going to take my ball and jacks in my room.

Dan McCoy

[17:38] I touched your shoulder and I saw you.

[17:40] You're going to pass away and then there's nothing.

[17:42] There's nothing afterwards.

[17:44] It's just what we have here.

[17:46] We've got to make the best of it.

Elliott Kalan

[17:47] I was shaking hands with a man.

[17:49] And I saw him reading a copy of Ulysses and then setting it aside and never picking it up again.

[17:56] And then telling his friends he had read Ulysses.

[17:59] And he's lying to his friends.

[18:01] He barely got 50 pages into Ulysses.

[18:03] I don't know what to say.

[18:04] Whether to warn him not to pick up the book because he's not going to enjoy it or not going to get it.

[18:09] Warn his friends that they're lying to him.

[18:11] That he's going to lie to them.

[18:12] It's a real dilemma.

[18:14] And I guess, is there anything?

[18:16] Is there a god?

[18:17] Does anyone watch us?

[18:18] I shook hands with a man.

[18:19] I saw him going.

Dan McCoy

[18:21] He was going to his therapist and he had a duck on his head.

[18:23] And it was just absurd.

[18:25] I don't understand it.

Stuart Wellington

[18:26] Dan, you got a gun around here?

[18:27] Okay.

[18:28] Or cyanide pills or something?

[18:30] One of those cyanide teeth they have in Dune?

Elliott Kalan

[18:32] You know, Groucho Marx just once said,

[18:34] I touched him an elephant and foresaw him in my pajamas.

[18:39] And how he got in my pajamas in the future, I'll never know.

[18:42] Because it was just a flash of the future very briefly.

[18:45] That's not even one of the Groucho Marx jokes that I would yell in quotes.

[18:48] Where did we leave off?

[18:51] I shook my own hand and I saw a run of films that could only be described as embarrassing.

Dan McCoy

[18:57] There was one called Whatever Happens and one called Anything Else?

[19:02] Whatever Happens?

[19:03] Wait, what is it?

Elliott Kalan

[19:04] I think it was Watch What Happens Live.

[19:06] Yeah, there was one called Watch What Happens Live.

[19:08] I think it was called Anything Else.

[19:09] Anything.

Dan McCoy

[19:10] And then Whatever Works.

[19:11] Anything Goes and it was called...

[19:14] And Any Which Way But Loose.

[19:16] Whichever way you want.

[19:16] Woody Allen's Any Which Way But Loose.

[19:18] That had been amazing.

Elliott Kalan

[19:19] Clyde, we've got that double date with that blonde orangutan and her friend.

[19:25] We really don't have time to get in a fight with these bikers.

[19:27] I have very fragile bones.

[19:29] I perhaps don't give the finger to those truckers.

[19:33] I'm not one for fighting.

[19:35] I'm more of an erotic specialist.

Dan McCoy

[19:37] Woody Allen slash Fireside Theater is not insane or anything you want to.

[19:40] That was what it was called.

[19:41] Yeah, that's what it was.

[19:42] But, um, no, they kill this guy.

[19:44] Woody Allen's Cannibal Holocaust.

Elliott Kalan

[19:46] Just because he...

[19:47] Is there a need to kill the turtle on camera?

[19:49] Because it makes me a little squeamish.

[19:52] I don't eat meat.

[19:54] Anyway, so they kill this innocent...

Dan McCoy

[19:57] Is there any way to confirm that this turtle was a killer?

[19:59] That I would feel justified.

Elliott Kalan

[20:01] So they use the chain to strangle this guy.

[20:04] He's an innocent person, but the only way to find that out is they kill him.

[20:07] And then they look up and the killer is still outside watching them.

[20:11] We never find out a single thing about this guy.

[20:13] He is literally...

[20:14] They might as well have strangled a mannequin.

[20:15] It could have been a clone.

Stuart Wellington

[20:17] Of course, the first thing they do is open his wallet.

Elliott Kalan

[20:18] There's a shitload of kids' pictures.

[20:20] You know what?

[20:20] Maybe they were being stalked by Jamie Madrox, the multiple man,

[20:24] and he stomped his foot and a second killer came out.

Dan McCoy

[20:26] You don't know that those were his kids.

[20:28] Maybe they killed a child molester.

[20:29] You don't know.

[20:30] They have to tell themselves that.

[20:32] Yeah, they took a...

[20:32] So they can feel better at night.

Elliott Kalan

[20:34] Unfortunately, of course, they don't have to feel much better

[20:36] because the guy who is...

[20:38] After this, the douchey guy who is stabbed, he dies.

[20:40] I mean, they get it over.

[20:41] The bad guy somehow arranges to be flooding the ATM kiosk.

[20:45] I don't remember how he does...

[20:46] Because it's an airtight...

[20:48] He's putting water through the air vent, and it's an airtight kiosk,

[20:51] so it's filling up, of course, with cold water.

[20:54] They're super cold.

[20:54] He blocks the door with a car.

[20:57] Oh, and he pushes their car so that it blocks the door

[20:59] and they can't get out.

[21:00] Now, here's the thing...

Dan McCoy

[21:00] The douchey guy who's been stabbed dies of hypothermia.

Elliott Kalan

[21:03] The other thing is, they find out halfway through the movie

[21:05] that they thought the door was locked,

[21:07] need a debit card to get in,

[21:08] but it turns out it's not.

[21:10] The killer could walk in at any moment.

[21:12] The killer never learns this,

[21:14] never walks in at any moment.

[21:15] That is never paid off.

[21:17] It's totally stupid and unnecessary.

[21:20] So it's supposed to add to the tension.

[21:22] It doesn't.

[21:23] It would have been great if then there were a bunch of scenes

[21:25] of the killer reaching for the doorknob

[21:27] and then shaking his head like,

[21:28] what am I, an idiot?

[21:29] Of course it's locked.

[21:30] No, wait, maybe I'll just try it.

[21:32] No, then I'll look stupid.

Dan McCoy

[21:32] Or like a scene after the movie ends

[21:34] where he goes back and checks the door

[21:36] and he's like,

Elliott Kalan

[21:36] I'm a fucking idiot.

[21:38] All that time.

[21:38] I wasted a whole night on this.

[21:40] Anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[21:40] Or him looking through a wallet from a guy he killed

[21:43] and not finding an ATM card

[21:44] and howling at the heavens.

[21:48] Unforgiving gods, you don't give me an ATM card.

Elliott Kalan

[21:51] So they manage, long story short again,

[21:53] Alice Eve and the good guy, barely.

[21:56] He's killed an innocent person by this point

[21:58] because really, who's the monster now?

[22:00] Who's the real murderer?

[22:02] Society.

[22:02] They managed to start a fire.

[22:03] All to sleep with one woman.

[22:04] They managed to start a fire.

[22:07] That's why I did it, right?

[22:08] Yeah.

[22:08] Killed that guy to sleep with her.

[22:09] Yeah, because desire is the ultimate price.

[22:11] The ultimate aphrodisiac.

[22:12] Because desire is the ultimate aphrodisiac.

[22:16] That's the dumbest tautology ever.

Stuart Wellington

[22:18] That's the Solomon King movie poster tagline.

Elliott Kalan

[22:20] Because sex is the ultimate erotic.

[22:24] Because fire is the ultimate burning.

Dan McCoy

[22:28] Because boobs are the ultimate breasts.

Stuart Wellington

[22:32] Oh man, you're writing all these down, right?

Elliott Kalan

[22:35] Because there's no better place to sit than a chair.

[22:39] This is turning me on, guys.

[22:40] There's no greater blindness than when your eyes don't work.

[22:44] Okay, so they managed to start a fire in a trash can

[22:47] and using all the deposits lifts.

[22:50] They managed to.

[22:51] They have a bow and a stick.

Stuart Wellington

[22:53] They find they have a lighter and they light it.

[22:56] Do you think there's homeless people

[22:58] who are used to making steel drum fires everywhere

[23:00] watching this movie being like,

[23:01] you're doing it wrong!

[23:02] Watching this movie being like,

Elliott Kalan

[23:04] I wish I was outside

[23:05] desperately trying to warm myself

[23:06] around a barrel fire.

[23:09] It's a barrel.

[23:10] It's not a steel drum.

[23:11] They didn't steal it from a Calypso musician.

[23:13] It had a fire in it.

[23:16] Every time I hear Calypso,

[23:17] I'm like,

[23:18] hey, hey, my drum!

[23:21] Why are you lighting a fire in it?

[23:22] I went up to go get a daiquiri

[23:24] and I come back and my drum's gone.

[23:25] It's so warm here on the beach.

[23:27] Why did you light a fire?

[23:29] Anyway, you're already too warm in that parka.

[23:32] Back to the movie.

[23:33] The bad guy is just watching this

[23:34] as they use the fire to set off the smoke alarm.

[23:39] The sprinkler goes off and the fire alarm, great.

[23:41] That's going to notify the police.

[23:43] And then...

Dan McCoy

[23:43] By the way, this bothered me.

[23:45] In a movie full of stupid things,

[23:46] it really bothered me

[23:47] that they light a fire in a metal garbage can

[23:51] and then they're just holding it up

[23:52] to the sprinkler system

[23:54] as if that wouldn't be burning their hands desperately.

[23:57] Because metal conducts heat.

[23:58] Yeah.

[23:58] Physics 101, my friend.

Stuart Wellington

[23:59] Yeah, but it's really cold.

[24:00] Maybe it's just warming their hands up a little bit.

[24:02] That's a good point.

Elliott Kalan

[24:02] That's a good point.

[24:03] Well, by that point, let's...

[24:05] We're talking about the waterproof room.

[24:07] Let's say their hands are so numb from the cold

[24:10] that they don't feel it at that point.

[24:11] How about that?

Stuart Wellington

[24:12] And it's the strange magic ATM kiosk

[24:14] where after they take all of the paper bank deposit slips...

[24:17] Deposit slips.

[24:18] There's still some.

[24:18] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[24:19] There's a very basic continuity error

[24:21] where they take all the deposit slips

[24:23] out of a holder on the wall

[24:25] and then they cut back

[24:26] and it's full of deposit slips again.

[24:28] It's this magic bottomless deposit slip cabinet.

[24:31] They're trapped in a Mobius strip of an ATM.

[24:34] They light the fire, but while they're doing that,

[24:36] the girl loses her balance,

[24:38] hits her head on a cabinet, and dies.

[24:41] Goodbye, Alasiev.

[24:42] The killer then slams the security guard's car

[24:45] into the car that he was blocking the door with,

[24:47] smashing in the front of the ATM thing.

[24:49] The hero walks out, makes...

[24:51] He's made a Molot...

[24:52] What?

[24:54] To add insult to injury.

[24:55] He's made a Molotov cocktail

[24:56] out of a bottle of liquor

[24:57] that the douchey friend had brought with him.

[24:59] And it looks like the killer is just sitting in his parka

[25:03] in a camping chair he found in the hero's trunk,

[25:06] watching this happen.

[25:07] The hero just throws that Molotov cocktail

[25:08] at the seated figure.

[25:09] It bursts into flame.

[25:11] That was the body of the security guard.

[25:13] Uh-oh.

[25:13] Who has his mace on him,

[25:15] which explodes and sprays the face of the hero.

[25:17] And the bad guy's just watching.

[25:19] The police and the fire trucks arrive.

[25:21] He's loving this part.

[25:21] He's loving it.

[25:22] Ba-da-ba-ba-ba.

[25:23] He's loving it.

[25:24] He's had his break today.

[25:26] The police finally arrive and arrest the gibbering hero,

[25:29] whose mad ramblings don't square

[25:31] with the dead bodies around him

[25:33] and the lack of a murderer.

[25:35] And then in the morning...

Dan McCoy

[25:37] Well, no, but we cut to a bunch of, uh,

[25:40] ATM security footage,

[25:42] none of which shows the killer.

Elliott Kalan

[25:44] The police investigate for a long time.

[25:46] Not really.

[25:47] And, yeah, all the ATM security camera footage

[25:49] just shows them fighting inside the ATM,

[25:51] killing a guy,

[25:52] and then breaking the camera.

[25:54] But the killer...

[25:54] But what about the real killer?

[25:55] The real killer is never on camera,

[25:56] and we see his secret because,

[25:58] earlier in the movie,

[25:59] we saw a shadowy figure drawing diagrams

[26:01] on transparencies of a parking lot.

[26:03] Transparency diagrams of a parking lot.

[26:05] He goes back to his storage locker,

[26:06] which takes about an hour of him

[26:08] walking down a hallway,

[26:09] and inside is his evidence lair,

[26:12] where he's planning...

[26:12] It's called an evidence dungeon,

[26:13] TM, Stuart Wellington.

[26:14] He did...

[26:15] He done...

[26:15] I didn't want to pay royalties,

[26:17] so I called it an evidence lair.

[26:18] And because he works in there,

[26:19] it's his office.

[26:20] It's not just like a storage place.

[26:21] It's still a dungeon.

[26:21] It is a storage place.

[26:22] He probably keeps them...

[26:23] It's an evidence home office.

[26:24] It's an evidence storage place

[26:27] turned into a home office.

[26:28] And he has...

[26:29] It turns out he heavily researched

[26:31] where the cameras would be pointed,

[26:33] so they'll never catch his image,

[26:35] and he's plotting another attack

[26:37] on a mini mart.

[26:38] The perfect crime.

[26:40] Oh, man.

[26:40] We see him plotting it for 20 minutes,

[26:43] and then the movie cuts to black.

[26:46] It's like a shitty Kaiser Soze.

[26:48] And so, basically,

[26:49] I would say this would have made

[26:50] like a really strong student short film

[26:53] if there was almost nothing in it

[26:55] and it was like 12 minutes long.

[26:57] But it's been stretched to an hour and a half.

[26:59] The characters are all super bland.

[27:00] It's super boring.

[27:02] Everybody operates under the strangest logic.

[27:04] Everyone in the movie,

[27:05] you have to assume,

[27:06] inhaled like a ton of carbon monoxide earlier,

[27:08] and it caused brain damage.

[27:10] They have no idea

[27:10] what they're doing at any moment.

Dan McCoy

[27:11] The two things that bother me,

[27:12] like, the most.

[27:14] Well, Alice,

[27:14] you've never took your clothes off.

[27:15] I know you're worried about that.

[27:16] Yeah, that's number one.

[27:17] Yeah, I mean, come on.

[27:18] Even the Star Trek movie.

[27:18] Star Trek Into Darkness, TM.

[27:20] That's, uh...

[27:20] Yeah.

[27:21] But no, the beginning and the end.

[27:23] TM for a terrific movie.

[27:24] The beginning and the end

[27:25] bothered me almost the most.

[27:27] Number one, the beginning...

[27:28] Like, I feel like

[27:29] if you're gonna make this kind of movie,

[27:31] you have to have the sense of,

[27:32] like, these are interesting characters.

[27:33] Now, what kind of movie do you mean?

[27:34] A crappy movie?

[27:34] Well, no, a movie where, like,

[27:36] something...

[27:37] It happens, people are there.

[27:39] No, some crazy external force, like,

[27:42] blows into people's lives,

Elliott Kalan

[27:43] ruining it.

[27:44] A random engine of chaos

[27:46] suddenly attacks innocent people

[27:48] for no reason.

[27:48] Right.

[27:49] And, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[27:49] If you're gonna do that,

[27:50] you have to give the sense

[27:52] that these people have lives

[27:53] outside of the frame of the movie.

[27:55] They were gonna go on a date.

[27:55] They wanted pizza.

[27:56] And make them interesting.

[27:57] Yeah.

[27:57] As people.

[27:58] And I saw...

[27:59] You know, they shouldn't just be, like,

[28:00] random boring jack-offs.

Elliott Kalan

[28:01] Here's what we know about the hero.

[28:02] Okay.

[28:03] Yeah.

[28:03] The hero lost a guy's money at work,

[28:05] has a crush on his co-worker,

[28:07] and...

[28:07] He's got a great haircut.

[28:08] And there are two different types of pizza

[28:09] he likes at this one pizza place.

[28:11] There's a garlic and mushroom,

[28:12] and there's a pepperoni.

[28:13] That's all you need.

[28:13] What else do you need, dude?

[28:14] That's three things.

[28:14] Douchey guy.

[28:15] He's douchey.

[28:16] He doesn't carry a lot of cash with him.

[28:17] He probably smells.

[28:18] He likes to drink,

[28:19] and he probably smells.

[28:20] Or at least wears cologne.

[28:21] Okay.

[28:22] Alice Eve, we know she's a girl.

[28:24] She's getting a new job.

[28:25] She's very nervous talking to this hunk.

[28:27] And she's nervous,

[28:27] because she tells people that.

[28:29] Yeah.

[28:29] Three things.

[28:30] All right.

[28:30] I guess I'm wrong.

Dan McCoy

[28:31] This was a good, great movie.

Elliott Kalan

[28:32] And the killer,

[28:33] you know he owns a parka.

[28:34] You know he owns some kind of wire

[28:35] that he uses to trip people with.

[28:37] Yeah, he makes a trip wire thing.

Dan McCoy

[28:38] Some kind of wire.

[28:39] And that he rents a...

[28:40] What is that?

[28:40] Like a...

[28:40] And that he rents a storage compartment.

[28:42] 0.06 gauge?

[28:43] What is that?

Stuart Wellington

[28:44] Also, he knows exactly

[28:45] when people are going to be

[28:46] not carrying their phone around

[28:49] or when their phone's

[28:50] going to run out of juice.

[28:51] Yeah.

[28:51] That's the term they use.

[28:52] Yeah.

[28:52] He's got magic fucking psychic powers.

Elliott Kalan

[28:54] So what's the other...

[28:55] So the first thing is

[28:55] these people are cardboard characters

[28:57] with no sense of life.

[28:57] And I just want to say,

Dan McCoy

[28:58] like I mentioned to you guys,

[28:59] I watched a movie called

[29:00] Black Rock recently,

[29:01] which was like basically...

[29:02] Yeah, Picnic at Black Rock.

[29:03] A female version of Deliverance.

[29:05] But that movie

[29:06] had a good ability at...

Elliott Kalan

[29:09] They should have called it

[29:10] She-Liverance.

[29:11] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[29:13] The women in that...

[29:13] And then the tagline would have been

[29:14] Deliverance just got ladier.

[29:16] But like the people in that movie

[29:18] seemed like they had

[29:18] an existence beyond the frame

[29:20] and they had sort of

[29:20] an interpersonal relationship

[29:22] that was punched up

[29:24] by the stress

[29:25] that they were then put under.

[29:26] It's not a great movie,

[29:27] but it's a movie that I feel like

[29:28] shows up the problems

[29:30] with this movie.

[29:31] But also,

[29:31] the ending

[29:32] just drives me up a wall.

[29:34] This movie was like,

[29:35] oh man,

[29:36] total twist.

[29:37] They think that he killed the guy.

[29:38] Now, like,

[29:39] what do the police think?

[29:41] Why do they think

[29:41] that they're just hanging out

[29:42] in this ATM kiosk

[29:44] for hours on end

[29:45] before anything starts happening

[29:47] in the freezing cold?

[29:48] Like, this is not

[29:49] like any cursory investigation.

[29:51] He snapped.

[29:52] Yeah, maybe that's it.

[29:53] He lost all that money

Stuart Wellington

[29:54] so now they think he's...

[29:55] Open and shut case.

Elliott Kalan

[29:57] And now,

[29:57] they have, uh,

[29:59] the other thing is that

[30:00] they have no evidence

[30:01] connecting him

[30:02] to most of the murders.

[30:04] I mean,

[30:04] his fingerprints are on

[30:05] the blade that killed his friend.

[30:06] The screwdriver?

[30:07] Because,

[30:08] was it a screwdriver?

[30:09] I think so.

[30:09] Because he tried to

[30:10] pull it out at one...

[30:11] Or he was going to try

[30:12] to pull it out.

[30:13] Uh, but like,

[30:14] yeah, there's no...

[30:16] Like, they don't have

[30:17] a strong case.

[30:17] But,

[30:18] he's probably gone insane

[30:19] as going to go to a sanitarium.

[30:20] But the twist ending was,

[30:22] hey,

[30:22] this killer is going to

[30:23] do this again.

[30:24] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[30:25] Maybe at a mall.

[30:26] Maybe near a Burger King.

[30:28] You don't know.

[30:28] Wherever ATMs are found.

[30:29] Or like that this killer

Elliott Kalan

[30:30] planned what he was doing.

Dan McCoy

[30:31] Great, okay.

[30:32] Like, that's not a twist.

[30:33] That's a given.

Elliott Kalan

[30:34] So, do you think

[30:35] in like the sequel

Dan McCoy

[30:35] they're going to have to

[30:36] find that guy in prison

[30:37] and be like,

Stuart Wellington

[30:38] these people are stuck

[30:40] in this thing

[30:40] and you know about it.

[30:41] You've got to help them.

Dan McCoy

[30:42] You're the only one

[30:42] who can help us.

[30:43] You're the only guy

Elliott Kalan

[30:43] who understands ATMs.

[30:44] And it's going to be called

[30:45] A2M.

[30:47] That's what the T stands for?

[30:48] No, no.

[30:49] It's just A,

[30:49] the number 2M.

[30:50] What's that?

[30:51] Is that like a place

[30:51] you can go?

[30:52] It's just a second movie.

[30:53] Oh, okay.

[30:54] You know, like,

[30:54] you know,

[30:55] Too Fast, Too Furious.

[30:56] Or, uh...

Stuart Wellington

[30:57] Well, another movie

[30:58] that kind of uses this formula

[31:00] that I previously recommended

[31:02] was Frozen

[31:03] about two guys

[31:04] and a girl stuck out A's.

[31:05] In a pizza place.

[31:08] Frozen pizza place.

[31:09] Stuck in a pizza place.

[31:09] On a frozen chairlift.

[31:10] And they've got to eat

Dan McCoy

[31:11] all that pizza.

Stuart Wellington

[31:13] But at least that movie

[31:14] featured a guy

[31:15] jumping off a chairlift

[31:16] and totally smashing

[31:17] his legs off.

[31:18] And some super ferocious wolves.

[31:20] There are movies

Elliott Kalan

[31:21] where people are stuck

[31:22] in small places

[31:23] and they're scary.

[31:26] Yeah, they don't need

Stuart Wellington

[31:27] a force of nature

[31:27] in the form of

[31:28] a creepy guy in a park.

Elliott Kalan

[31:30] Or even if they do,

[31:30] like, there's something scary

[31:31] about being trapped

[31:32] and at the mercy

[31:33] of a killer,

[31:34] but when there's

[31:36] so many stupid things,

[31:37] like, to get into this trap,

[31:38] they had to do

[31:39] ten stupid things.

[31:40] Yeah.

[31:41] Like, and it's hard

[31:42] for you to think,

[31:43] that could be me in there.

[31:44] Now I'm scared about it.

[31:45] Maybe.

[31:45] If it's like,

[31:45] well, I'm not gonna do

[31:46] that stupid shit.

Dan McCoy

[31:47] Maybe we're underestimating

[31:48] this movie.

[31:48] Maybe all that stuff

[31:49] with Alice Eve

[31:49] and the hero at the beginning

[31:51] was to show how stupid

[31:52] these two are.

[31:53] So we're like,

[31:54] oh, okay, these idiots.

[31:54] We gotta feel bad for them.

Elliott Kalan

[31:57] They shot all that later.

[31:57] They're like,

[31:58] these characters

[31:58] are doing stupid stuff.

[31:59] We better lay the groundwork

[32:00] that they're dumb.

[32:03] But also, like...

[32:04] They have the minds

[32:05] of children.

[32:06] Feel bad for them.

[32:08] You were expecting

[32:09] at some point...

[32:13] They want to have this, like,

[32:15] faceless killer

[32:15] who is, like,

[32:17] you're scared

[32:18] because you don't know

[32:18] anything about him

[32:19] and why is he doing

[32:19] these things?

[32:20] But even he comes off

[32:22] as just kind of, like,

[32:23] blandly going through

[32:23] the motions of being a killer.

[32:25] Like, there's nothing

[32:26] charismatic about his...

[32:27] It's like this is his job

[32:27] or something?

[32:27] There's nothing charismatic

[32:28] or mysterious about his parka,

[32:30] you know?

[32:30] And there are times

[32:31] when you see his eyes

[32:32] and he just looks kind of,

[32:33] like, just kind of bored.

[32:35] Like, he's just watching

[32:35] whatever, you know?

Dan McCoy

[32:37] I'll have to terrorize

[32:38] another group of people.

[32:39] Yeah, he doesn't get

Elliott Kalan

[32:40] any, like, weird

[32:41] sexual satisfaction out of it or...

[32:43] Well, maybe he does.

[32:43] We don't know that.

[32:45] He takes some money

[32:45] at one point.

[32:46] There is a point

[32:47] where they take $500,

[32:48] a pair of earrings,

[32:49] and a watch,

[32:49] and they put it in an envelope

[32:50] and then throw it at him.

[32:51] And they say,

[32:52] here, you can have it.

[32:53] Just let us go.

[32:54] And I think he takes it

[32:55] but then he just kills them anyway.

Dan McCoy

[32:57] That was one thing funny

[32:58] that I remember you said

[32:58] during the movie

[32:59] was that you would have liked it

[33:01] if when they were

[33:02] throwing the money at him

[33:02] the wind just picked up

[33:03] the money and blew it away.

[33:05] And they went,

[33:06] um...

[33:06] And then ran back

[33:07] into the ATM

[33:08] and he chased them.

[33:09] They tug at their ties

Elliott Kalan

[33:11] for the...

[33:12] Or a bird flew by

[33:15] and took the envelope,

[33:17] like, just packed the envelope

[33:19] out of his hand

[33:19] and flew away with it.

Dan McCoy

[33:20] Um, uh...

[33:21] Rain check?

Elliott Kalan

[33:24] Here's the thing.

[33:25] Here's another way

[33:26] to do this movie

[33:27] is if the killer

[33:28] is just setting it up

[33:29] to make the people inside

[33:31] lose their wits

[33:32] and kill each other.

[33:33] That's another way

[33:34] you could go with this.

[33:35] But, like,

[33:36] it seemed like the movie

[33:37] was kind of trying

[33:37] to hint at that.

[33:38] Like, the part where

[33:39] they kill the innocent person.

[33:40] Yeah.

[33:40] Where it's like...

[33:41] The monster within all of us.

[33:43] Yeah, like,

[33:43] oh, who's the real monster?

[33:45] Well, they thought

[33:45] it was the person

[33:46] who was trying to kill them

[33:46] the whole time.

[33:47] It didn't...

[33:48] There's no exit.

[33:50] You kind of wondered

[33:50] if the people

[33:51] who had watched this

[33:51] knew what a scary thing was

[33:53] or, like,

[33:53] what made something scary.

[33:55] I mean,

[33:56] the dialogue was sparkling, though.

[33:57] Like maggots, right?

[33:58] The characters constantly,

[33:58] like, just stating

[33:59] how they were feeling.

[34:00] Yeah, maggots are what's scary.

[34:01] Maggot,

[34:02] the X-Men character.

[34:03] His stomach's on the outside.

[34:06] I thought this was fried rice.

[34:08] Maggots, Michael.

[34:09] You're eating maggots.

Dan McCoy

[34:10] I can't beat your bike.

[34:14] One thing about Santa Clara

[34:15] I can never stand.

[34:17] What's that?

[34:18] All the damn vampires.

[34:19] Yeah, yeah.

[34:19] What's the frog brothers?

[34:20] Yeah.

[34:22] They're not really brothers.

[34:23] Or frogs.

[34:25] Double disappointment.

[34:26] You lied to me.

Elliott Kalan

[34:29] You lied to me, movie.

[34:31] You told me

[34:32] there'd be frog people in this.

[34:33] I'll just go play Battletoads.

[34:36] That'll give me the frog people

[34:37] I crave.

Dan McCoy

[34:39] Until that

[34:39] fucking motorbike level,

[34:42] which I won't be able to

[34:43] get back to.

[34:44] That's the hardest one.

[34:45] You just gotta jump

[34:45] at the right time.

Elliott Kalan

[34:46] Just watch

[34:47] Hell Comes to Frogtown again.

[34:50] Yeah, man.

[34:51] Rowdy, Rowdy Piper

[34:52] in his second greatest role.

[34:54] So you just keep jumping

[34:54] from disappointing

[34:55] frog entertainment.

[34:56] There are frog people

[34:57] in that, at least.

[34:58] It's not like

[34:59] he goes to Paris.

Dan McCoy

[35:02] I'll just watch

[35:02] Michigan J. Frog

[35:03] in One Frog Evening.

Elliott Kalan

[35:06] It's got the courage

[35:07] of its convictions.

[35:08] I'll just watch

[35:09] John Harpenter's

[35:09] The Frog.

[35:10] The fog?

[35:11] Oh, man.

[35:14] Okay, so.

[35:15] I'll watch

[35:15] Frogs with Ray Moland.

[35:16] So this movie,

[35:18] yeah,

[35:18] this movie,

[35:19] it's hard to know

[35:20] what to say about this movie

[35:21] other than it's like

[35:22] barely a movie.

[35:23] Like, there's not a lot

[35:24] of movie there.

[35:26] There's not a lot

[35:27] of there in this movie.

Dan McCoy

[35:29] I'm imagining

[35:30] now like a

[35:31] early,

[35:31] like a 1970s

[35:32] commercial

[35:34] or early 80s

[35:35] wasn't like,

Stuart Wellington

[35:35] where's the movie?

Dan McCoy

[35:38] Clara Peller

[35:39] wants to know

Elliott Kalan

[35:39] where the movie is.

[35:42] Other,

[35:42] other movie producers

[35:43] don't give you

[35:44] much movie.

[35:46] There's a,

[35:47] there's a,

[35:48] yeah,

[35:49] there's like,

[35:49] because not a lot

[35:50] happens yet

[35:50] it takes up time.

[35:52] It sure does

[35:53] take up time.

[35:53] Like,

[35:54] if Andrei Tarkovsky

[35:55] had directed this

[35:56] I'd be like,

[35:56] okay,

[35:56] it's really slow

[35:57] and boring.

[35:58] That's what he does

[35:58] and he's trying

[35:59] to tell us something

[35:59] about the nature

[36:00] of time.

[36:01] But as it is,

[36:01] it's just like,

[36:02] oh,

[36:02] so those characters

[36:03] are still standing

[36:03] in that ATM,

[36:04] huh?

[36:05] Another shot

Stuart Wellington

[36:06] of that bowling alley

[36:06] right next door,

[36:07] huh?

Dan McCoy

[36:07] By the way,

[36:08] a $3 million movie.

Elliott Kalan

[36:09] One of the things

[36:09] I like about this movie.

[36:10] Takes place

[36:10] in one ATM kiosk.

[36:12] The movie will

[36:12] occasionally fade

[36:13] to black

[36:13] and then fade

[36:14] back up again.

[36:15] Yeah,

[36:15] they're commercial breaks.

[36:17] They're gonna make

[36:22] so we'll fade to black,

[36:23] you pause it,

[36:24] use the toilet

[36:25] and come on back

[36:25] for more ATM.

[36:26] We'll tell you

[36:27] when to pay.

[36:28] All right,

[36:29] well.

[36:29] It's like,

[36:31] and this movie

[36:32] cost how much,

[36:33] Stuart?

[36:33] $3 million.

[36:35] What was the

Stuart Wellington

[36:36] domestic box office,

[36:37] Elliot?

[36:37] How much was it?

[36:38] About $100,000?

[36:39] $110,000.

Elliott Kalan

[36:40] Here's my assumption.

[36:41] All that money

[36:42] went to filling the ATM

[36:44] so that it was

[36:44] realistically full of money.

[36:47] They had to imagine

[36:48] it was full.

[36:48] It's really hard,

[36:49] you know,

[36:49] it's really hard

[36:49] to play the part

[36:50] if I know this ATM

[36:51] doesn't have any money in it.

[36:52] So I guess we'll raise

[36:53] $3 million in backing

[36:54] and just fill the ATM

[36:55] with that.

Dan McCoy

[36:55] All right,

[36:56] well,

[36:56] let's quickly go through

[36:58] our Shocktober

[36:59] final judgments.

[37:00] Which are?

[37:01] Was this movie

[37:01] totally scarifying?

[37:03] I forgot.

[37:05] Scarily borrifying.

[37:06] Was it totally snorifying?

[37:08] Or was it frighteningly funny?

Elliott Kalan

[37:09] Frighteningly good, man.

Dan McCoy

[37:12] Stuart,

[37:12] what do you have to say?

[37:13] Wait,

Elliott Kalan

[37:13] wait,

[37:14] what's the,

[37:15] wait,

[37:15] I'll take this one.

[37:16] I'll take this one.

[37:16] Never has a movie

[37:18] better fitted the phrase

[37:19] totally snorifying.

Dan McCoy

[37:21] Yeah,

[37:21] I agree.

[37:22] this movie was

[37:22] totally snorifying.

[37:25] Totally.

[37:26] Just,

[37:26] it was,

[37:26] it was

[37:27] snorifying in its totality.

Elliott Kalan

[37:30] It was 100%

[37:32] Snoresville.

Dan McCoy

[37:33] All right,

[37:33] well,

[37:33] let's take a brief-

[37:34] If you want to sleep,

[37:35] but you don't want to wake up,

[37:38] ATM.

[37:39] Let's take a brief break

[37:40] for a word from our sponsor,

[37:42] and we'll be back

[37:43] in a moment

[37:44] with more Flophouse.

[37:51] We've got a new sponsor,

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Elliott Kalan

[39:17] Hey everyone.

[39:18] After these messages,

[39:19] we are right back.

[39:21] Uh, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[39:22] Anybody else watch cartoons

[39:23] in the week?

[39:23] We did.

[39:25] Um,

[39:25] I hanker for a hunk of cheese.

[39:27] I remember that one too.

Elliott Kalan

[39:29] Is that a commercial

[39:29] or a cartoon?

[39:30] That was a commercial.

Dan McCoy

[39:32] My get up and go

[39:33] just got up and went.

[39:33] Okay, these are just

[39:34] commercials again.

Elliott Kalan

[39:35] I'm talking about

[39:36] animated bumpers

[39:37] that the network played

[39:38] between the commercials

[39:39] and the cartoons.

[39:40] Yeah.

[39:41] It's like a trick.

[39:42] We'll be back to more Heathcliff

[39:43] after this.

Dan McCoy

[39:43] Yeah, there's the one

[39:44] where the, uh, the,

[39:46] the fire hydrant

[39:47] sprayed water on the dog

[39:50] that was going to urinate on it.

[39:51] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[39:51] And the one where the horse

[39:52] fell on the cowboy.

[39:54] Mm-hmm.

[39:54] Uh, now,

[39:55] I'll let you know

[39:56] if I can talk about

[39:56] my favorite bumpers.

[39:57] They're ones that,

[39:58] they're used to,

[40:00] the ones that I might have

[40:01] talked about them before.

[40:02] I miss them on the X-Files DVDs,

[40:04] which are,

[40:05] when I would watch X-Files

[40:06] when it first aired

[40:07] and they'd have the bumpers

[40:08] that might have been

[40:08] only in my markets

[40:09] where they would say,

[40:11] The X-Files

[40:12] is brought to you by

[40:13] Rolled Gold Pretzels.

[40:14] And I used to have arguments

[40:16] with my college roommate

[40:17] over whether it was

[40:18] the same guy

[40:19] doing both voices

[40:20] or whether it was

[40:21] they got two different guys,

[40:22] a scary voice guy

[40:23] and a goofy voice guy.

[40:25] Clearly it was one guy.

[40:27] But, uh,

Stuart Wellington

[40:27] He was just really talented.

Elliott Kalan

[40:29] But if I've ever watched

[40:29] reruns of the X-Files

[40:30] on syndication or in DVD,

[40:32] I miss them.

[40:33] I really miss those bumpers.

[40:34] You're the Rolled Gold guy.

[40:35] The X-Files

[40:36] is brought to you by

[40:37] Michelob Light.

Stuart Wellington

[40:40] Like it's a football game

[40:41] or something.

[40:42] Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Dan McCoy

[40:43] Well, uh,

[40:43] Between Aliens and Broncos.

[40:44] What are we doing here?

[40:45] This has been

[40:45] the Nostalgia House,

[40:46] but now we're moving on

[40:47] to Letters.

Stuart Wellington

[40:49] Letters.

[40:50] A big old bag of letters.

[40:52] I like it.

[40:53] Gotta open up that bag

[40:55] and dip in your arm

[40:57] and grab out a fistful

[40:59] of steaming hot letters.

[41:02] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[41:03] Nice.

[41:04] That was smooth.

Dan McCoy

[41:05] It's got a real crooner voice

[41:06] that I wasn't aware of.

[41:07] Yeah, a little too smooth.

[41:08] Letters, there's the letters

[41:09] and the letters

[41:09] make the letters.

[41:10] That's the, uh.

[41:11] Turn down that noise.

[41:12] That's the death metal version.

[41:14] All right.

[41:15] Thanks, uh,

[41:17] fuck.

Elliott Kalan

[41:18] I'm a pop star now.

Stuart Wellington

[41:19] I'm like a Robbie Walliams.

Elliott Kalan

[41:21] Yeah, Robbie Walliams.

[41:24] So, Stuart,

[41:25] is that what your new song

[41:26] is going to be about

[41:26] now that the Hazz Cat song

[41:27] is burning up the charts?

[41:28] It's letters, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[41:29] It's all,

[41:29] it's the letters bag

[41:30] deep in your letters box.

[41:32] Legend tells of a letter

[41:33] rising from a blood red sea.

[41:36] Oh, that's,

[41:36] that's, uh,

[41:37] plagiarizing at this point.

[41:39] That's all copyrights.

[41:40] Whoa, two letters at once?

Elliott Kalan

[41:43] Mr. President,

[41:44] have you ever heard of a letter?

Dan McCoy

[41:45] So, uh,

[41:47] actually before,

[41:48] now that you bring that up,

[41:49] maybe before we get

[41:50] into the letters,

[41:51] we should say this.

[41:52] Um,

[41:53] so we all,

[41:54] we all got together.

[41:54] The three of us got together.

[41:56] Wait.

[41:57] Three of us would be

[41:58] me,

[41:59] Dan McCoy,

[42:00] you,

[42:00] Stuart Wellington,

[42:01] and that guy,

[42:02] Elliot Kalen,

[42:03] plus,

[42:03] On the drums.

[42:03] The fourth,

[42:04] uh,

[42:05] the fourth flopper.

[42:06] Adjunct flopper,

[42:07] Hallie Haglund.

[42:08] We all got together,

[42:09] uh,

[42:10] this last Sunday

[42:11] to tape,

[42:12] uh,

[42:13] some things on video cassette.

[42:15] And why did we do this?

[42:15] That sounds really creepy.

[42:17] Did we kill Hallie on tape?

[42:19] No,

[42:20] what it is,

[42:20] is,

[42:21] um,

[42:21] a contest,

[42:23] a non,

[42:24] uh,

[42:24] poorly defined contest.

[42:26] This one's very un-poorly defined.

[42:28] So we shot a bunch of,

[42:29] uh,

[42:29] stuff in front of you.

[42:30] Random stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[42:31] Some goofy make-em-ups

[42:33] and some posing and dance around.

Dan McCoy

[42:35] We shot it all in front of green screen

[42:36] to the end that

[42:38] we are going to make this

[42:39] green screen footage

[42:40] available to you,

[42:41] the Flophouse fan.

[42:42] No extra cost.

[42:43] Uh,

[42:43] to make a

[42:45] music video.

[42:47] For the Song of the Autumn.

[42:49] Uh,

[42:49] He's the House Cat.

[42:51] Uh,

[42:51] now,

[42:52] now when-

[42:52] I don't think that's the full title.

Stuart Wellington

[42:53] What is the title?

[42:54] I don't remember.

[42:54] I wrote it down somewhere.

[42:55] He's the House Cat,

[42:56] parentheses,

[42:57] theme from Arthur.

Dan McCoy

[42:59] Now when you,

[43:00] now when you make this musical video,

[43:02] uh,

[43:02] Musical video.

[43:04] I can save you two letters there,

[43:06] Dan.

[43:07] I,

[43:08] I want everyone who makes a music video

[43:10] to credit the authors of this,

[43:11] uh,

[43:12] Stuart Wellington and Alex Smith.

[43:14] Alex Smith.

[43:15] Uh,

[43:15] but,

[43:16] um,

[43:16] so what you can do is

[43:17] you can go to,

[43:18] uh,

[43:19] Alex Smith's homepage.

[43:20] You can,

[43:21] uh,

[43:21] download.

[43:22] And what would that be?

[43:23] For 55 cents.

[43:25] Alex Smith's homepage.

[43:25] I'll throw up a link.

[43:26] Okay.

[43:27] On the Flophouse website.

[43:29] Don't pressure him, dude.

[43:29] Uh,

Elliott Kalan

[43:30] for the price of only 55 cents,

[43:32] which is no money.

[43:33] You would throw that out

[43:34] if you found it in your pockets.

[43:35] You can download

[43:36] He's the House Cat,

[43:37] Arthur's Song of the Autumn.

[43:38] You could buy a quarter

[43:39] of a hamburger

Dan McCoy

[43:39] with that money.

[43:41] You could buy half a hamburger

[43:41] as a dollar menu.

[43:43] But,

[43:43] uh,

[43:43] use the green screen footage

[43:44] or don't use the green screen footage,

[43:46] but we,

[43:47] we made it,

[43:47] so why not use it?

Elliott Kalan

[43:48] Yeah,

[43:48] but make a,

[43:49] your video.

Dan McCoy

[43:50] Make a music video

[43:51] for He's the House Cat.

[43:52] This is your chance to be

Elliott Kalan

[43:53] David Fincher

[43:54] before he got into feature films.

Stuart Wellington

[43:56] I don't want to see

[43:57] you using this footage

[43:58] to like,

[43:59] frame us into committing

[44:00] some kind of ATM crime.

[44:02] No,

[44:02] we saw that.

[44:03] That's ass to mouth

[44:04] is what I meant.

[44:04] Now,

Elliott Kalan

[44:05] try not to draw

[44:07] dicks on our faces

[44:08] or that kind of stuff.

Stuart Wellington

[44:09] Don't use it

[44:10] in some kind of gypsy ritual

[44:11] where you can control

[44:12] our movements

[44:13] by controlling the,

[44:14] Yeah,

[44:14] and make us thinner.

Dan McCoy

[44:15] Now,

[44:15] as of the date of recording,

[44:17] I'm not 100% sure

[44:18] of the link

[44:19] for the green screen video,

[44:21] but we will have that up

[44:22] It will be up at some point.

[44:23] on the Flophouse site,

[44:24] so keep checking that.

[44:25] And Dan,

Elliott Kalan

[44:25] what's the prize of this contest?

[44:26] The prize is,

[44:27] number one,

[44:28] it's a,

[44:28] OP,

[44:29] so you're in.

Dan McCoy

[44:30] it's your classic

[44:31] choose a,

[44:33] choose a movie

[44:34] for us to review.

[44:34] They get to decide

Elliott Kalan

[44:35] what we flop?

[44:36] It's almost like

[44:36] a choose your own

[44:37] flop venture.

[44:38] And number two,

[44:39] you had a t-shirt.

[44:40] Nice.

[44:40] What t-shirt would that be like?

[44:42] The flop pass t-shirt.

[44:42] Like a co-ed naked

[44:43] lacrosse t-shirt?

[44:44] Yeah,

[44:44] one of those

[44:45] Big Johnson shirts.

[44:46] That was the other one

[44:47] I was going to say.

[44:47] Big Johnson podcast.

[44:48] Enormous Johnson

[44:49] is his name.

[44:50] One of those

[44:50] Big Dog.

[44:51] What other shirts

[44:52] did they ban

[44:53] at my middle school?

Stuart Wellington

[44:55] Huge Woody,

[44:55] I think.

[44:56] Huge Woody surfboards.

Elliott Kalan

[44:58] Yeah.

[44:58] So,

[45:00] so there you get

[45:01] to win a t-shirt.

[45:02] You get to play

[45:02] God and choose

[45:03] what movie we watch.

[45:05] All for just

[45:06] having fun

[45:07] making a music video

[45:07] using footage

[45:08] and song provided.

Dan McCoy

[45:09] We know we got

[45:10] a lot of filmmakers

[45:10] in our audience.

[45:12] Heartbreakers.

[45:13] Love takers.

[45:15] Let your

[45:15] bread bakers.

[45:16] Creative juices flow

[45:17] all over us.

[45:18] All over us.

[45:19] Spray us down.

[45:20] Just spread it.

[45:21] Don't like it.

[45:22] Why don't you reach

[45:22] into that fucking

[45:23] mailbag, brother?

Elliott Kalan

[45:24] Sorry.

[45:24] I think we need

[45:25] a new song

[45:25] now that it's

[45:26] a mailbag segment again.

Stuart Wellington

[45:27] Okay,

[45:27] how does this one go,

[45:28] Elliot?

[45:29] But wait.

[45:30] Oh, you want me to sing it?

Elliott Kalan

[45:31] Yeah, I thought you were.

[45:32] Oh, okay, okay.

[45:32] La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, letters.

[45:38] Letters, letters, letters, letters.

[45:40] Letters for Flapos, the letters for Flapos, the letters for Flapos, the letters for Flapos,

[45:43] now read by Dan McCoy, now read by Dan McCoy, now read by Dan McCoy.

[45:46] Thank you.

Dan McCoy

[45:47] This first letter is titled,

[45:48] I'm going to class up the joint.

[45:49] It is?

[45:50] Passion Play and Swinging for the Fences.

[45:54] Dear Three Men and a Housecat,

[45:56] While listening to the Passion Play episode,

[45:57] I was struck with how similar the description of that film seemed to a movie I really loved,

[46:02] the Polish brothers' North Fork.

[46:04] Ah.

[46:05] Since your take on Passion Play ensured I would not be seeing that movie,

[46:08] it did strike me these two films tread on very similar ground,

[46:11] yet every misstep you mentioned in Passion Play seemed to be present in North Fork,

[46:15] only that movie worked for me.

[46:17] I realize I really enjoy it when a director shoots for Transcendence and nails it.

[46:22] Other films I really think fill the bill in this regard are The Fountain.

[46:26] Sorry, The Fountain.

[46:27] I didn't read that.

[46:28] Which landed for me, but for some is just insufferable.

[46:32] Yeah, I can see that.

[46:33] And The Sweet Hereafter and Exotica,

[46:34] which seemed to be pretty universally loved but criminally underseen.

[46:38] So his questions are, number one...

Elliott Kalan

[46:39] Even though they're directed by Atom McGowan,

[46:41] the only director to harness the power of the atom.

Dan McCoy

[46:45] Have any of you seen North Fork?

[46:46] Did you enjoy it?

[46:47] Did you compare it to Passion Play in a favorable or unfavorable way?

[46:51] any recommendations for films of this nature

[46:54] that are willing to swing for the emotional fences

[46:56] and for you knocked it out of the park?

[46:58] By the way, I've seen Invisible Maniac,

[47:00] and while it had its charms,

[47:02] it came up short in the transcendence department.

[47:04] I disagree.

[47:04] Thanks and keep up the great work.

[47:06] First and last name withheld.

[47:08] Whoa.

[47:08] By request.

[47:09] Anonymous.

Elliott Kalan

[47:10] Arthur Anonymous.

[47:11] The Batman villain known only as No Villain.

[47:13] He never commits crimes,

[47:15] so they never catch him.

[47:17] How can we catch him?

[47:18] I have to admit,

[47:19] I did not like North Fork.

[47:20] I found it a little too precious and...

[47:23] I have not seen it.

[47:24] I can't.

Stuart Wellington

[47:25] Is that the one where

[47:27] Elijah Wood plays the character North?

[47:29] No, that's North.

[47:31] So wait,

[47:31] what are we talking about?

[47:32] There's a movie,

[47:33] North Fork.

Dan McCoy

[47:34] What about the movie with the superhero,

[47:36] the fork,

[47:37] the something fork?

[47:39] That's Mystery Man.

[47:40] What?

[47:40] I can't even remember.

[47:41] Anyway,

[47:42] I didn't love that one,

Elliott Kalan

[47:44] but I will say that like,

[47:45] Tree of Life for me

[47:46] reached a level of transcendence,

[47:48] and...

[47:48] You shit,

[47:49] you stole mine.

[47:50] Yeah, sorry,

[47:51] I reached into your brain

[47:52] and pulled out the movie

[47:53] I knew you were thinking of.

[47:54] You're right,

[47:55] I did it on purpose, Dan.

[47:56] He called it.

[47:57] You'll have to say Cloud Atlas now.

[47:59] But also,

[48:00] a movie I've mentioned before

[48:01] on the podcast The Fall,

[48:02] I feel like achieves that for me too.

Dan McCoy

[48:04] That's a pretty good one.

[48:05] Yeah.

[48:06] You know,

[48:07] another one that I was thinking of

[48:08] that's not as maybe bold

[48:12] in its formal aspects,

[48:15] but is bold in terms of just being

[48:17] an unabashed melodrama,

[48:19] is I really like Imitation of Life,

[48:21] the Douglas Sirk movie.

[48:22] The second version of Imitation of Life,

[48:24] the 50s one.

[48:24] Yeah, the Sirk one,

[48:25] which, you know,

[48:28] it skirts along that edge of camp,

[48:30] but really like pushes

[48:32] the emotional content

[48:33] as far as it can go,

[48:34] but I really love that movie.

[48:36] And along the same line,

[48:38] something like Johnny Guitar,

[48:39] I think is very interesting.

Elliott Kalan

[48:40] I don't know if that achieves

[48:42] transcendence though.

[48:43] No, I guess I'm...

Dan McCoy

[48:44] I think you're talking about

[48:44] more movies that are just like

[48:45] big bold emotions that are not...

[48:47] Well, they make bold choices.

[48:48] Yeah, yeah.

[48:49] And are unabashed.

[48:51] They don't hedge.

[48:51] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[48:52] Which I totally see in those.

[48:54] But in terms of a movie

[48:55] reaching for like

[48:56] a kind of poetic grace,

[48:58] like The Sweet Hereafter,

[48:59] I think works also.

[49:00] That's true.

[49:01] Although that's a different type.

Stuart Wellington

[49:03] What about you, Stuart?

[49:04] Oh man, I'm lost.

[49:05] I'm...

[49:06] I think all I can hope for

[49:08] is something that...

[49:09] Like a movie that completely

[49:10] loses me.

[49:13] Something like

[49:14] The Assassination of Jesse James

[49:15] by the coward Robert Ford.

[49:17] Something that like

[49:18] just completely absorbs me

[49:20] and

[49:21] I lose track of time,

[49:24] which is good

[49:24] because they're long movies.

[49:25] I'm in it.

[49:27] There's...

Elliott Kalan

[49:27] Or like...

[49:28] Like Carl Theodore Dreyer's movies

[49:30] I feel like achieve that a lot.

[49:32] A movie like Ordet,

[49:33] which is slow

[49:34] but like achieves a...

[49:37] achieves that kind of grace for me.

[49:40] Yeah.

[49:40] Those are very heavily

[49:40] religious movies.

Dan McCoy

[49:41] On a similar...

[49:42] Passion of General Arc

[49:43] is a similar type of thing.

Elliott Kalan

[49:44] Yeah.

[49:45] It's...

[49:46] I feel like there are

[49:46] some older movies that do it

[49:47] but it's a tough thing

[49:48] to reach for

[49:48] because when you fail at it

[49:49] as with Passion Play

[49:50] and in my opinion

[49:51] a little bit North Fork,

[49:52] it really thuds hard.

[49:54] It's a very hard thing

[49:55] to achieve and pull off

[49:57] because it's so delicate.

[49:59] It's like a gossamer thread

[50:00] made out of angels' hairs.

Stuart Wellington

[50:03] It's like a delicious pasta.

Dan McCoy

[50:07] It's like getting

[50:08] just the right cavatelli.

[50:09] This next letter

[50:10] is titled Loose Ends

[50:12] and it starts,

[50:14] Dear Floproth Nocte...

[50:16] Loose readings.

[50:18] Floproth Nocte,

[50:20] Dweller in the Films

[50:21] Beyond Quality.

[50:22] A metal band?

[50:23] It is now.

[50:24] I mean, come on.

[50:24] Sounds kind of like it.

[50:25] Take a moment.

[50:26] Take a moment.

[50:26] Okay.

[50:27] Floproth Nocte,

[50:29] Dweller in the Films

[50:29] Beyond Quality.

[50:31] That would be your name

[50:31] if you were

[50:32] one of the great old ones.

[50:34] Okay, I like that.

[50:35] I like that.

[50:35] Yeah.

[50:35] Just to say we're not.

[50:36] We should stop being such jerks.

[50:38] Maybe Stuart's

[50:39] Nyarlathotep or some shit.

[50:40] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[50:41] You have a thousand masks.

Dan McCoy

[50:42] Oh, yes.

[50:43] Given your fondness

[50:44] for this is the last episode

[50:45] effort jokes,

[50:46] I started thinking about

[50:47] the various loose ends

[50:48] you have left hanging

[50:49] over the course

[50:50] of your hundred plus episodes.

[50:52] Not Stuart's.

[50:52] Tightest end I've ever seen.

[50:54] Yeah.

[50:54] Here are a few questions

[50:55] I think you should answer

[50:56] so as not to leave the fans

[50:58] wondering.

[51:00] Okay, questions for us.

[51:01] Let's answer them.

[51:01] For Elliot,

[51:02] number one,

[51:04] what is the right

[51:05] Ray Dennis Steckler movie

[51:06] to watch?

[51:07] He once told us

[51:07] it wasn't the

[51:08] incredibly strange creatures

[51:09] who stopped living

[51:10] and became mixed up zombies

[51:11] but never said

[51:12] what we should watch instead.

[51:14] what exactly is wrong

[51:15] with Cannibal Holocaust

[51:16] aside from the obvious?

[51:19] A note.

[51:19] Animal slaughter,

[51:20] sub-porno acting,

[51:21] goofy soundtrack,

[51:22] artless nihilism,

[51:23] and racism.

Elliott Kalan

[51:24] I mean,

[51:24] those are all pretty good reasons

[51:25] not to watch Cannibal Holocaust.

[51:27] I think I'd sum it all up

[51:28] by saying

[51:29] no redeeming value

[51:30] whatsoever

[51:31] in terms of

[51:32] gut appeal,

[51:33] thrills,

[51:34] meaning,

[51:35] plot,

[51:36] technique,

[51:36] or anything.

[51:37] What about the car chases?

[51:38] In Cannibal Holocaust?

[51:41] All right,

[51:41] double vex.

[51:41] You're thinking of

[51:42] Carnibal Holocaust.

[51:44] And as for,

[51:46] you know,

[51:46] that's a very good question.

[51:47] I don't know that there are

[51:48] any Ray Dennis Steckler movies

[51:50] that are worth watching.

[51:52] Rat Finkaboo Boo?

[51:53] I want Rat Finkaboo Boo

[51:55] to be so much better

[51:56] than it is.

[51:56] I'll tell you what.

[51:57] Okay,

[51:57] Rat Finkaboo Boo,

[51:58] one,

[51:58] because the title is great

[52:00] because it's based on a typo,

[52:01] and two,

[52:03] because there is

[52:04] one long sequence

[52:05] where you're just

[52:05] watching a woman's butt

[52:06] as it walks down the street.

[52:08] But it is so,

[52:10] it's,

[52:10] you want,

[52:10] that's what cinema

[52:11] was invented for.

[52:12] I remember for years

[52:13] wanting to see Rat Finkaboo Boo

[52:14] and they finally aired it

[52:15] on TCM.

[52:17] I T-voted it,

[52:17] I was so excited

[52:18] and finally watched it

[52:19] and I was so bored

[52:21] out of my mind by it.

[52:22] So,

[52:22] but if you're going to watch

[52:23] a cash flag movie

[52:25] as Ray Dennis Steckler

[52:26] also credited himself as,

[52:28] then fine,

[52:29] Rat Finkaboo Boo it is.

[52:30] All right,

Dan McCoy

[52:31] now the questions for Stuart.

[52:33] Number one,

[52:34] number one,

[52:34] does the fact that

[52:35] Disney owns Marvel

[52:36] bring us closer

[52:37] or further away

[52:38] from answering

[52:39] all your questions

[52:39] about the relationship

[52:40] between Howard the Duck

[52:41] and Duck Tales

[52:42] and number two,

[52:44] which boobs are best?

Stuart Wellington

[52:47] Well,

[52:48] Howard the Duck,

[52:49] the mention of Howard the Duck

[52:51] brings boobs

[52:51] into Starker Leap

[52:52] because duck boobs

[52:53] are not best.

[52:54] No.

[52:54] Wait,

[52:55] you didn't ask

[52:55] if duck boobs

[52:56] were best, right?

[52:56] No,

Dan McCoy

[52:57] but that is the creepiest

[52:57] part of Howard the Duck

[52:58] when you see the duck boobs.

Elliott Kalan

[53:00] Yeah,

[53:00] I mean that is...

[53:01] Way creepier than a woman

[53:02] sleeping with a duck.

Dan McCoy

[53:04] I think it is creepier

[53:05] than that.

[53:06] And his weird duck condom?

[53:07] He's a man duck.

[53:09] Amanda-uck?

[53:10] Yeah.

[53:10] He's Amanda-uck.

Stuart Wellington

[53:12] So,

[53:12] yeah,

[53:12] I mean...

[53:13] Poorly named porn star,

[53:15] Amanda-uck.

[53:17] I thought we all assumed

[53:18] that Duckburg

[53:18] was on the duck planet.

[53:20] I have to,

[53:20] yeah.

[53:21] I mean,

[53:22] and there's a bunch

[53:23] of other animal people

[53:24] on there too,

[53:25] like the Beagle Boys.

[53:26] Yeah.

[53:27] I mean,

[53:27] everyone...

[53:27] Except Howard the Duck

Elliott Kalan

[53:28] believes that

[53:29] on his world

[53:29] everyone's a duck.

[53:30] He's never met

[53:31] the Beagle Boys.

Stuart Wellington

[53:32] He maybe lives in

[53:33] the town he's in

[53:34] in like what?

[53:35] It's a fucking segregated

[53:36] situation.

[53:36] Oh,

[53:36] I see.

Elliott Kalan

[53:37] So it's like Johannesburg

[53:38] with ducks.

[53:38] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[53:40] They have a complete

[53:41] internet shutdown

[53:42] so he doesn't know

[53:43] what it's like

[53:43] on the other side

[53:44] of the planet.

Elliott Kalan

[53:44] So you're saying

[53:45] it's like Pyongyang

[53:46] but ducks.

[53:46] Yeah.

[53:47] Okay.

[53:49] And the second one.

[53:50] Which boobs are best?

Stuart Wellington

[53:51] Awesome ones?

[53:52] The correct answer is

[53:53] my wife's.

[53:53] Wait,

[53:54] my wife...

[53:54] Oh.

Elliott Kalan

[53:55] Oh,

[53:55] wow.

Stuart Wellington

[53:57] Dan's wife's?

[53:58] No.

[54:00] Hey,

[54:00] when we just left

[54:01] Stop Talking

[54:02] I was talking about

[54:03] Dan's wife's boobs.

Elliott Kalan

[54:04] It's supposed to be seamless.

[54:05] And Dan,

[54:06] what questions are there

[54:07] for you?

[54:07] Now you can make the edit

[54:08] right before I say

[54:09] and Dan,

[54:10] for you?

[54:11] And Dan,

[54:12] for you?

[54:13] Dan's wife's boobs.

[54:14] Oh,

[54:15] God.

[54:15] It's not a question.

[54:16] Merely boobs.

[54:17] Dan?

[54:18] So...

[54:19] Daniel?

[54:20] Daniel?

[54:20] For Dan,

Dan McCoy

[54:21] the questions are

[54:22] number one...

[54:22] For Dan's,

[54:23] I'm seeing quadruple.

[54:25] Why are you so sad?

[54:26] I think the answer

[54:27] is that your two best friends

[54:29] also annoy you

[54:30] and every time you see them

[54:31] you start questioning

[54:32] all the choices you've made

[54:33] that led to you

[54:34] having to listen to Elliot

[54:35] endlessly improvising dumb songs

[54:36] or Stuart rhapsodize

[54:37] about his penis.

[54:38] But I'd like some confirmation of this.

Elliott Kalan

[54:40] Upgraded to best friend status,

[54:42] by the way.

[54:43] Yeah,

[54:43] we did it.

[54:44] And to be honest,

[54:45] Dan talks about Stuart's penis

[54:46] more than Dan does.

[54:46] All the time.

Dan McCoy

[54:48] These days.

[54:49] Number two,

[54:50] what criteria do you use

[54:51] for picking letters

[54:52] from the mailbag?

[54:53] My efforts to reverse engineer

[54:54] the process through pseudonyms

[54:56] and fraudulent emails

[54:57] are taking too long.

[54:58] Yours in flop.

[54:59] Lawrence,

[55:00] hierophant of the first

[55:01] church of floppiness.

[55:03] I think the first thing

Stuart Wellington

[55:04] you should do is title it

[55:05] penis enlargement.

[55:07] Guaranteed!

Dan McCoy

[55:09] Number one,

[55:09] why am I so sad?

[55:10] This is a tough one.

[55:12] Because by all accounts,

[55:14] I have a pretty good life.

[55:15] You've got a great life.

[55:16] You've got a high-paying

[55:16] television writing job.

[55:18] Great friends.

[55:19] Great wife.

[55:19] Your apartment's shitty,

[55:21] but otherwise,

[55:21] you've got a fat, mean cat.

Elliott Kalan

[55:23] I think it's probably chemical.

[55:25] Your knee hurts.

[55:26] Yeah.

[55:26] You've got a lot of reasons

[55:27] to be mad.

[55:28] No, it is chemical, yeah.

[55:29] He drinks sad juice every day.

Dan McCoy

[55:31] I worry a lot.

[55:32] Yeah?

[55:33] I think that's inherited

[55:34] from my parents.

Elliott Kalan

[55:35] Oh, yeah.

[55:36] So is this your therapy cast?

[55:38] I mean, the guy asked.

[55:39] Is this WTF?

[55:40] Yeah, what happened?

[55:42] Yeah, WTF's the question

[55:43] I'm asking.

[55:44] What the fudge is happening here?

[55:47] What if WTF was a fudge tasting show?

[55:50] Every week,

[55:51] they taste a different fudge.

[55:52] It's called What the Fudge?

Stuart Wellington

[55:53] He has his listeners

[55:55] call in and shout that

[55:56] into the microphone.

[55:57] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[55:58] So the criteria...

[56:00] Did you hear the last episode

[56:01] with Iggy Pop?

[56:01] It was great.

[56:02] Iggy Pop really revealed

[56:03] a lot about what kind

[56:04] of fudge he likes.

Dan McCoy

[56:07] What criteria do I use

[56:08] to choose the letters?

[56:10] If it's funny,

[56:12] I choose it.

[56:13] If it asks an interesting question

[56:14] that I think that would

[56:15] spark debate,

[56:16] I choose it.

Elliott Kalan

[56:17] If it's from my brother,

[56:18] for some reason,

[56:18] you choose those.

[56:19] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[56:19] I like to frustrate Elliot

[56:21] with that.

[56:21] And if it's short,

[56:23] I tend to choose it.

[56:24] So there you go, listeners.

Stuart Wellington

[56:26] He hasn't written in a while.

[56:28] Yeah.

[56:28] A little too a while.

[56:30] Are we candymanning him

[56:31] right now?

Elliott Kalan

[56:31] I'm worried that we are.

[56:33] Is he fine?

[56:34] Maybe...

[56:34] Are you sure he's still alive?

[56:35] Is he getting laid a lot

[56:36] or something?

[56:36] That can't be it.

[56:38] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[56:39] Because that would give me

[56:40] a reason not to write

[56:41] into a...

[56:41] Oh, wait.

Elliott Kalan

[56:42] Is this a busy sports time?

[56:43] Yeah, it could be.

[56:44] Is there a lot of sports

[56:45] right now?

[56:45] Because then maybe

[56:46] that could be it.

[56:46] Dan?

Stuart Wellington

[56:48] Local sports enthusiasts.

Dan McCoy

[56:50] Local...

[56:50] I do like local sports.

[56:52] I've been to several

[56:53] Cyclones games.

[56:55] This next letter

[56:56] is titled

[56:56] Frankenoak.

[56:58] Hey, folks.

[56:58] Great Flopcast as usual.

[57:00] However, I feel like you guys

[57:01] and Elliot in particular

[57:02] missed a golden opportunity

[57:03] to touch upon

[57:04] and clarify

[57:04] a popular misconception.

[57:07] Not to sound too pedantic

[57:08] or anything,

[57:08] but the name

[57:09] Frankenoak

[57:10] actually refers to

[57:11] the clothing company

[57:12] currently sponsoring

[57:13] the Flophouse

[57:13] and the correct title

[57:14] for the lumbering

[57:15] undead golem

[57:16] who delivers the shirts

[57:17] fresh to your door

[57:18] is in fact

[57:18] Frankenoak's monster.

[57:20] It's a small

[57:21] but important distinction.

[57:22] Also, both Dan

[57:23] and Elliot

[57:24] are in error.

[57:25] The name of the

[57:26] quasi-real paradise

[57:27] that the elves

[57:28] sail to

[57:28] is Valinor,

[57:30] a.k.a.

[57:31] the Undying Lands,

[57:32] the Grey Havens,

[57:33] home of

[57:33] Sirdan the Shipwright

[57:35] and founded by the elves

[57:36] of Glerian.

[57:37] I think it's Kyrdan,

[57:38] by the way.

[57:39] Whatever.

[57:39] It's a fucking

[57:40] made-up Tolkien language.

[57:42] Sell your shame.

[57:43] Following the wars

[57:44] against Morgoth

[57:45] was a location

[57:46] in Middle-earth

[57:46] that the elves

[57:47] sailed from

[57:48] to begin that journey,

[57:49] not the destination

[57:50] as Dan so smugly asserted.

Elliott Kalan

[57:51] I got that wrong

[57:52] because I was too busy

[57:53] remembering things

[57:54] that actually happened

Stuart Wellington

[57:54] in the universe.

[57:55] I'm really glad

[57:56] that your wives

[57:57] aren't hearing this

[57:57] so they're not

[57:58] totally ashamed of you.

Dan McCoy

[58:00] I mean,

[58:00] me and Dan.

[58:01] Not the destination

[58:02] as Dan so smugly asserted.

[58:04] Drops mic

[58:05] and walks away.

[58:06] Fireworks,

[58:07] guitar riff,

[58:07] eagle screech,

[58:08] fade to black,

[58:09] savage last name with help.

[58:10] You want us back.

Elliott Kalan

[58:11] You want us back.

[58:12] No,

[58:12] no.

Dan McCoy

[58:13] Yeah.

[58:13] I think you have

[58:14] totally misrepresented

[58:15] the coolness

[58:18] of correcting us

[58:19] on the Grey Havens.

[58:20] Coolest nerd ever.

[58:21] I don't think

[58:22] that you are

[58:22] walking away

[58:23] from an explosion

[58:24] in slow motion

[58:24] when you correct us

[58:26] on a matter of Tolkien

[58:27] lower.

Elliott Kalan

[58:27] Sure he is.

[58:28] No.

[58:29] Anyway,

[58:29] I've already forgotten

[58:30] all the things

[58:31] he corrected us on

[58:31] because I don't care.

[58:32] Yeah,

[58:32] I blacked out

[58:33] the last two minutes

[58:34] of the podcast.

[58:34] I was too busy

[58:35] remembering real stuff

[58:36] and real sex

[58:38] on HBO.

Dan McCoy

[58:39] Yeah,

[58:39] I was going to say,

[58:40] I was too busy

[58:41] remembering someone's

[58:42] wife's butt.

Elliott Kalan

[58:44] Well,

[58:44] you're just playing

[58:44] into the stereotype now.

[58:46] Yeah,

[58:46] I thought I'd lean in.

[58:49] That's what that book

[58:50] was about,

[58:50] yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[58:51] In the future,

[58:51] if you're going to

[58:52] write in a correction email,

[58:53] it should be about

[58:54] Japanese dating sim

[58:55] video games

[58:56] or something else

[58:58] that there's no way

[58:59] our wives

[59:00] would know anything about.

[59:02] Right?

[59:02] Because our wives

[59:03] are all,

[59:03] wait,

[59:04] what?

[59:04] They know a lot

Dan McCoy

[59:05] about Grey Havens?

[59:06] Yeah,

Stuart Wellington

[59:06] my wife's totally

[59:07] into Lord of the Rings.

[59:08] Yeah.

[59:09] I read it to her

[59:10] every night

[59:10] while she brushes

[59:11] my hair.

Dan McCoy

[59:13] It's not that much hair.

Elliott Kalan

[59:15] On my head.

[59:17] Okay.

[59:17] That's an adorably,

[59:19] oh,

[59:19] now it's gross.

[59:22] Have you ever noticed

[59:23] that Stuart's wife

[59:24] feeds him a special food

[59:25] that keeps his pelt glossy?

[59:27] It's called

[59:28] the peanut butter solution.

[59:30] Yeah,

[59:31] isn't that the

[59:32] Sherlock Holmes story

[59:32] where he's snorting

[59:33] peanut butter?

[59:33] Yeah.

[59:34] And he has to see

[59:35] Sigmund Freud.

Dan McCoy

[59:38] So,

[59:39] this final letter

[59:40] of the evening

[59:40] is titled

[59:41] How Is Your Knee?

[59:42] It starts...

[59:43] It's written by nobody

[59:44] because no one cares.

[59:45] It starts,

[59:46] Hey Elliot.

[59:47] Oh,

[59:48] my knees are fine.

[59:49] Don't listen to anyone else.

[59:50] More songs,

[59:51] please.

[59:52] Oh,

[59:52] thank you.

[59:52] Dan,

[59:53] buck up there,

[59:54] kiddo.

[59:55] Stuart,

[59:55] keep fighting the good fight.

[59:58] P.S.

[59:58] I like it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:00] P.S.

[1:00:00] Did somebody's grandpa write it?

Dan McCoy

[1:00:03] You seem to be

[1:00:04] slowly teasing out

[1:00:05] more details

[1:00:06] of the famed

[1:00:06] Flophouse slash fiction.

[1:00:08] Still somewhat timid?

[1:00:09] Try Flophouse

[1:00:10] dirty limerick.

[1:00:12] In the air,

[1:00:13] the scent of tears

[1:00:13] still lingers.

[1:00:15] Brought forth by

[1:00:15] Stuart's cruel zingers.

[1:00:17] The cleanup begins.

[1:00:19] Everyone wins.

[1:00:20] Elliot licks chicken grease

[1:00:21] from Dan's fingers.

[1:00:23] From the first

[1:00:24] world privilege hour.

[1:00:26] Well,

[1:00:26] thank you for that.

[1:00:27] Is there a button

[1:00:28] on this thing

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:29] that erases

[1:00:29] the entire podcast?

[1:00:31] No,

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:31] no,

[1:00:31] no.

[1:00:32] I gotta say,

[1:00:32] I still feel bad

[1:00:33] about that poor

[1:00:34] slash fiction author

[1:00:34] who put so much

[1:00:35] work into it

[1:00:36] and we were not

[1:00:37] appreciative.

[1:00:38] Have to live

[1:00:38] in the shadows.

[1:00:39] We are not appreciative.

[1:00:41] Thank you for the work

[1:00:42] you put into scaring us.

[1:00:44] Yeah.

[1:00:45] The haiku.

[1:00:46] That was more speed.

[1:00:47] It was not a haiku.

[1:00:48] What?

[1:00:49] It was not a haiku.

[1:00:49] That's true.

[1:00:50] Sorry.

[1:00:51] You,

[1:00:52] an Irishman,

[1:00:52] should know.

[1:00:53] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:55] So,

[1:00:56] we just read

[1:00:56] a bunch of

[1:00:57] fucking letters.

[1:00:58] So,

[1:00:58] that's the end

[1:00:59] of the podcast,

[1:00:59] right?

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:00] Guys,

[1:01:01] guys.

[1:01:01] Shocktober is over.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:02] Shocktober's canceled.

[1:01:03] Let's go to bed.

[1:01:04] Candy and skeletons.

[1:01:06] Let's put on

[1:01:07] all the sleeping caps

[1:01:07] and tuck ourselves in.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:08] Yep,

[1:01:09] tuck ourselves into that.

[1:01:10] What is it,

[1:01:11] a sardine can

[1:01:11] that we all sleep in?

[1:01:13] Together.

[1:01:13] In our tiny mouse caps.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:15] A little bed

[1:01:16] made out of a slice

[1:01:17] of bologna.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:19] No,

[1:01:20] there's one last segment.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:21] I woke up

[1:01:21] and my bed was gone.

[1:01:23] I had a dream

[1:01:23] I was eating bologna

[1:01:24] all night.

[1:01:25] I woke up.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:29] The entire bed

[1:01:30] couldn't be made

[1:01:31] out of bologna.

[1:01:32] That's insane.

[1:01:33] How did I eat

Dan McCoy

[1:01:34] the bologna

[1:01:34] we were lying on?

[1:01:35] Before I realized

[1:01:36] you were making

[1:01:37] a stupid joke

[1:01:38] about that stupid joke,

[1:01:40] I thought you were

[1:01:40] making a stupid joke

[1:01:41] about penthouse letters.

[1:01:43] Dear penthouse letters,

[1:01:45] I never thought

[1:01:46] this would happen

[1:01:47] to me,

[1:01:47] but my bed

[1:01:48] was made of bologna.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:50] I guess this doesn't

[1:01:52] make sense,

[1:01:52] but let's keep reading

[1:01:53] because it might

[1:01:53] get hot later.

[1:01:54] Maybe there's sex in it?

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:55] So I put mustard

[1:01:56] on the bed

[1:01:56] and I ate it.

[1:01:57] No,

[1:01:57] there's no,

[1:01:57] still,

[1:01:58] well let's keep reading.

[1:01:59] We'll find out.

[1:01:59] Is this all euphemisms?

[1:02:00] I don't get it.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:01] I don't want to read

[1:02:02] anymore.

[1:02:03] Just publish it.

[1:02:03] Just put it in.

[1:02:05] Whatever,

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:05] reminds me of a joke

[1:02:06] that I either heard

[1:02:08] or wanted to tell.

[1:02:10] I can't remember.

[1:02:11] If it's a joke

[1:02:12] I came up with or not,

[1:02:14] which I think I did,

[1:02:15] but maybe I stole it

[1:02:16] from somebody.

[1:02:17] It was,

[1:02:17] oh,

[1:02:17] I dreamed I was eating

[1:02:19] a giant marshmallow

[1:02:20] when I woke up.

[1:02:21] My wife had left me.

[1:02:26] Sad joke.

[1:02:27] Anyway,

[1:02:27] so what do we do

[1:02:27] with this part of the podcast?

[1:02:28] It's over,

[1:02:29] right?

[1:02:29] Goodbye,

[1:02:30] everybody.

[1:02:30] Good night.

[1:02:31] That's the podcast.

[1:02:32] Go on,

[1:02:32] start the car.

[1:02:33] We're all shocked,

[1:02:34] over.

[1:02:35] Oh,

[1:02:35] no,

[1:02:36] the car won't start

[1:02:36] and there's a crazy

[1:02:37] parking guy staring at us.

[1:02:38] Okay,

[1:02:39] let's get back

[1:02:39] in the ATM kiosk.

[1:02:40] Okay,

[1:02:40] let's get back

[1:02:41] in the podcast

[1:02:41] and record a little bit more.

[1:02:42] Okay,

[1:02:43] Dan,

[1:02:43] what do we do now?

Dan McCoy

[1:02:44] This is the part

[1:02:45] of the podcast

[1:02:45] where we recommend

[1:02:46] a movie

[1:02:46] that we actually enjoyed

[1:02:48] and being Shocktober,

[1:02:49] if you can,

[1:02:51] perhaps a horror movie,

[1:02:52] but if you haven't

[1:02:53] seen one recently

[1:02:54] or you can't think of one,

[1:02:56] I won't be a fucking bitch about it.

[1:02:58] I liked your welcome

[1:02:58] delivery there.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:00] So,

[1:03:00] Stuart,

[1:03:00] you want to go first?

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:01] Sure,

[1:03:01] I'm going to start with

[1:03:02] a movie I don't think

[1:03:03] I've recommended yet.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:05] Head of the family.

[1:03:08] Head of the invisible

[1:03:09] castle freak.

[1:03:10] I've already recommended that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:11] I'm going to recommend

[1:03:12] a movie called Below,

[1:03:14] directed by David Twohy.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:16] Below,

[1:03:17] about bolo ties?

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:18] I wish it was about

[1:03:19] bolo ties.

[1:03:20] Sorry,

[1:03:20] Johnny Depp.

[1:03:22] David Twohy,

[1:03:23] the guy who directed

[1:03:24] Pitch Black,

[1:03:25] Chronicles of Riddick,

[1:03:26] et al.

[1:03:26] A perfect getaway.

[1:03:28] And Below is a

[1:03:30] submarine thriller,

[1:03:34] ghost story,

[1:03:35] question mark?

[1:03:37] With a great cast

[1:03:38] of character actors,

[1:03:40] including Bruce Greenwood,

[1:03:42] everybody's favorite

[1:03:43] Star Trek captain

[1:03:44] from Star Trek,

[1:03:45] spoiler alert,

[1:03:46] into darkness.

[1:03:48] Olivia Williams is in it,

[1:03:50] Jason Fleming,

[1:03:52] and Zach Galifianakis

[1:03:53] has a great little role in it.

[1:03:55] It was co-written

[1:03:57] by Darren Aronofsky,

[1:03:59] and Darren Aronofsky

[1:04:00] was supposed to direct it

[1:04:01] at some point.

[1:04:02] I don't know what kind of

[1:04:03] style over substance movie

[1:04:06] that would have been

[1:04:06] if he directed it,

[1:04:07] but it's a great little ghost story,

[1:04:10] and it's claustrophobic,

[1:04:12] and yeah,

[1:04:13] I'd recommend it.

[1:04:14] If a submarine ghost story,

[1:04:16] claustrophobic movie

[1:04:16] sounds good,

[1:04:17] check it out.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:18] So I watched a movie recently

[1:04:20] that...

[1:04:21] You want a medal for it?

[1:04:22] Come on,

[1:04:23] stop bragging.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:23] Yeah,

[1:04:24] where'd you watch it?

[1:04:24] On a fucking plane?

[1:04:25] Boom,

[1:04:26] high five.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:27] I watched a movie

[1:04:28] that Netflix recommended to me

[1:04:30] on a plane.

[1:04:31] And I thought...

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:32] Sure,

[1:04:32] Netflix on planes now?

[1:04:33] Netflix was like,

[1:04:34] watch this on a plane,

[1:04:35] Dan.

[1:04:37] You seem to like

[1:04:38] watching movies on planes.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:41] Goddammit,

[1:04:42] I'm not...

[1:04:42] I have seen a lot of movies

[1:04:43] on planes recently,

[1:04:44] so Netflix recommended

[1:04:45] a movie for you.

[1:04:46] Come on,

[1:04:46] we're not made out of time.

[1:04:47] I was like,

[1:04:48] okay,

[1:04:48] Netflix,

[1:04:49] I'll play your game.

[1:04:50] I'll see what you have for me.

[1:04:52] And I liked it.

[1:04:53] It was called

[1:04:53] American Mary.

[1:04:55] Okay.

[1:04:55] It was directed

[1:04:56] by a pair

[1:04:58] of twin sisters.

[1:05:00] I think they're called

[1:05:01] the Soroka sisters.

[1:05:03] I'm not...

[1:05:03] I think I know

[1:05:04] why you watch that movie,

[1:05:04] Dan.

[1:05:05] And it starred

[1:05:06] Catherine Isabel.

[1:05:08] That's why.

[1:05:09] Of Ginger Snaps fame.

[1:05:10] Oh,

[1:05:11] which...

[1:05:11] Is she the older sister

[1:05:12] or the younger sister?

[1:05:12] She's the older sister.

[1:05:13] Okay.

[1:05:14] Yeah.

[1:05:14] And it's a...

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:16] Dan and my Canadian girlfriend.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:18] You wouldn't know her.

[1:05:19] She's from Canada

[1:05:20] and it was in the

[1:05:20] Ginger Snaps movies.

[1:05:21] It's an interesting movie

[1:05:22] because it finds a...

[1:05:25] It stakes out a place

[1:05:26] in horror

[1:05:26] that I haven't seen before,

[1:05:27] which was...

[1:05:28] It's about a woman

[1:05:30] who's in medical school

[1:05:31] studying to be a surgeon

[1:05:32] and...

[1:05:33] But she doesn't have any money

[1:05:34] so she applies for this

[1:05:35] job at a strip club

[1:05:37] but before,

[1:05:38] like,

[1:05:38] she can actually

[1:05:39] apply for the job,

[1:05:41] she gets roped into

[1:05:42] performing surgery

[1:05:44] on someone

[1:05:45] in the back room

[1:05:46] who has been,

[1:05:47] like,

[1:05:48] beat all to hell

[1:05:48] and from that point

[1:05:50] she gets roped into

[1:05:51] this weird world

[1:05:52] of underground

[1:05:52] body modification.

[1:05:54] So it is this

[1:05:55] sort of

[1:05:56] body horror film

[1:05:57] and it's an interesting...

[1:06:00] Like,

[1:06:00] it's a character study

[1:06:01] of this character.

[1:06:02] It's this kind of a...

[1:06:04] It's got this kind of

[1:06:05] arch sense of humor

[1:06:06] to it.

[1:06:07] It's also

[1:06:08] sort of a sexy movie.

[1:06:11] But no nudity.

[1:06:12] No nudity.

[1:06:13] It doesn't do nudity.

[1:06:14] But it's just...

[1:06:16] It's an interesting movie.

[1:06:17] It falls apart

[1:06:18] a little bit

[1:06:19] in the back half

[1:06:20] where, like,

[1:06:20] the movie loses focus.

[1:06:22] It turns into a very, like...

[1:06:23] Well, it feels like

[1:06:24] at a certain point...

[1:06:24] Incident-based film.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:26] After a certain point

[1:06:27] I feel like

[1:06:28] it was like a

[1:06:29] Tales from the Crypt

[1:06:31] that just didn't end.

[1:06:32] Like, it keeps going

[1:06:33] and you're like,

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:34] really?

[1:06:34] Where's the Crypt Keeper?

[1:06:35] Crypt Keeper.

[1:06:36] Is it my turn?

[1:06:38] Do I go on now?

[1:06:39] No?

[1:06:39] Okay.

[1:06:39] I'll just...

[1:06:40] But I think...

[1:06:40] I mean, I think it's...

[1:06:41] Well, go boys and go...

[1:06:43] No, no, no.

[1:06:44] Oh, all right.

[1:06:44] I'll just...

[1:06:45] It's a feature.

[1:06:45] It seems like

[1:06:45] we reached the comeuppance.

[1:06:47] Really?

[1:06:47] Okay.

[1:06:48] It seems like

[1:06:48] not enough story

[1:06:49] for a full feature-length film.

[1:06:50] But okay.

[1:06:52] Surely it's over now.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:53] Hee hee hee hee.

[1:06:53] Well, boys...

[1:06:54] Really?

[1:06:55] Okay.

[1:06:55] Wow.

[1:06:56] But no, it's an interesting movie.

[1:06:58] It's a lot of fun to watch.

[1:07:00] I will issue one warning.

[1:07:03] If you're sensitive to such things

[1:07:05] there is a rape scene

[1:07:06] in the movie.

[1:07:07] So just, you know...

[1:07:09] I am not a fan of those.

[1:07:10] If that's not your...

[1:07:11] You know.

[1:07:11] Yeah.

[1:07:12] So just beware.

[1:07:13] But otherwise

[1:07:14] I think it's a very enjoyable horror movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:16] So not one to pop in

[1:07:16] when I'm visiting the family.

[1:07:18] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:20] So that's my recommendation.

[1:07:22] American Mary.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:23] I haven't seen any movies lately

[1:07:25] that I really loved

[1:07:26] and I haven't seen any horror movies

[1:07:27] lately that I loved.

[1:07:28] I gotta get into the October

[1:07:29] Shocktober spirit.

[1:07:30] So I'm gonna...

[1:07:31] We'll help you.

[1:07:31] With ATM.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:32] Let's pop it in the DVD player.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:35] So I'm gonna recommend...

[1:07:36] To make up for it

[1:07:37] I'm gonna recommend two movies

[1:07:37] I may have recommended before

[1:07:39] but I'm not sure

[1:07:39] but they're two of my favorites.

[1:07:42] First I'm gonna recommend...

[1:07:43] It's always new to somebody.

[1:07:44] Yeah.

[1:07:44] That's true.

[1:07:45] I'm gonna recommend

[1:07:45] maybe the scariest movie

[1:07:47] I've ever seen to me

[1:07:48] and that's...

[1:07:48] Oogie Loves.

[1:07:49] And that's Oogie Loves

[1:07:51] The Great Balloon Adventure

[1:07:52] and that's Persona.

[1:07:54] Ingmar Bergman's tale

[1:07:55] of shattered psyches

[1:07:57] and the malleability

[1:08:01] of human identity.

[1:08:03] It is a super creepo movie.

[1:08:06] It's more of a...

[1:08:06] For super creeps.

[1:08:07] For super creeps.

[1:08:07] If you're a super creep

[1:08:08] super creep

[1:08:09] you're super creepy.

[1:08:10] If you're the creepy kind of girl

[1:08:12] the kind they don't take home

[1:08:13] to mother

[1:08:13] then...

[1:08:14] But it's a movie that is

[1:08:16] yes, an arthouse film

[1:08:17] but I find it very frightening

[1:08:20] and in a tense way too

[1:08:22] not just in a like

[1:08:23] oh, well that's a crazy idea way.

[1:08:26] So like...

[1:08:26] Oh, when you think about it

[1:08:27] what it says about

[1:08:28] man's place in the cosmos

[1:08:29] is quite frightening.

[1:08:30] No, there's a visceral fear

[1:08:32] to it also.

[1:08:33] And if you're more in the mood

[1:08:34] of a spooky, pulpy thing

[1:08:36] then I may have again

[1:08:37] recommended it before

[1:08:38] but In the Mouth of Madness

[1:08:39] my personal favorite

[1:08:41] sentimentally of John Carpenter's movies

[1:08:43] it's the closest

[1:08:44] I feel anyone's really come

[1:08:45] to making like

[1:08:46] a real Lovecraft-y

[1:08:48] Stephen King-y type

[1:08:50] story melding

[1:08:52] for the screen.

[1:08:53] And it's got a wicked

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:54] opening guitar lick, man.

[1:08:56] Yes.

[1:08:57] Well, of course

[1:08:57] John Carpenter did the music

[1:08:58] so of course it's amazing

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:59] but it's got a great cast

[1:09:01] you've got Sam Neill

[1:09:01] Juergen Prochnow

[1:09:03] David Warner

[1:09:03] John Glover

[1:09:04] Charlton Heston

[1:09:05] some tough-ass dudes in there

[1:09:06] and it's a really fun

[1:09:09] creepy

[1:09:09] kind of silly movie

[1:09:11] with some good creepy scenes

[1:09:13] so if you're in the

[1:09:14] highbrow mood

[1:09:14] Persona

[1:09:15] and if you're in

[1:09:16] kind of a creepy fun mood

[1:09:17] In the Mouth of Madness.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:20] Well that sits for

[1:09:21] this edition

[1:09:22] this Shocktober edition

[1:09:23] of the Flophouse

[1:09:24] This dead-ition

[1:09:25] Let's hold it together

[1:09:26] of the Glophouse

[1:09:28] Guys

[1:09:28] We got one more though

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:30] Oh boy

[1:09:31] Shocktober's not over yet

[1:09:32] We're only halfway

[1:09:33] through the woods

[1:09:34] and that's the scariest part

[1:09:35] because we've got

[1:09:36] just as much to go

[1:09:37] as we have already been

[1:09:38] and we barely made it

[1:09:40] this far

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:40] Full of super creeps

[1:09:43] Okay

[1:09:43] I've been Stuart

[1:09:45] Bye-bye

[1:09:46] Wait

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:46] Was that Baby Stu

[1:09:48] your new character?

[1:09:49] I've been Dan McCoy

[1:09:50] And I will be Elliot Kalin

[1:09:52] now and forever

[1:09:53] like cats

[1:09:54] We'll see you in our dreams

[1:09:55] Like cat people

[1:09:56] or sleepwalkers

[1:09:57] No, Cats the musical

[1:09:58] now and forever

[1:09:58] It's demonstrating it

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:15] Well it likes to be

[1:10:16] a compliment

[1:10:16] before it eats you

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:17] Yeah

[1:10:18] Clever girl

[1:10:19] Oh well thank you

[1:10:20] Clever

[1:10:23] Easy breezy

[1:10:24] beautiful

[1:10:24] clever girl

[1:10:25] Thank you.

The Flop House: Episode #136 - ATM

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