The Flop House: Episode #137 - The Purge

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss The Purge, not the Lifetime movie about bulimia, the one with Ethan Hawke.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to The Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[0:41] Hey Dan, what's going on, man?

[0:43] No, no, no.

[0:44] Classic.

[0:44] It's Elliot over there.

Elliott Kalan

[0:46] It is. It's me, Elliot Kalin, and over at rockin' mic number one, two.

Stuart Wellington

[0:49] Over in this corner, it's Stuart Wellington.

[0:50] Stuart Wellington.

[0:51] Cool guy on the prowl.

[0:53] Wait, are you on the prowl?

[0:54] What are you on the prowl for?

[0:55] I'm on the prowl for scary movies.

[0:58] Cue sound effect.

Elliott Kalan

[0:59] We don't have any sound effects.

[1:01] Chain rattle. Chain rattle. Chain rattle.

[1:03] Boogans, boogans.

Dan McCoy

[1:05] Bone squeak. Bone squeak.

[1:07] Flap, flap. I'm a bat. Flap.

[1:10] Eee-oh.

[1:11] What about that?

[1:12] Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

[1:14] All aboard.

[1:15] Chicka, chicka, chicka, chicka, chicka, chicka, chicka, chicka.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16] All aboard the scare train.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18] Chain mail, chain mail, chain mail.

[1:20] Wait, what? Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21] Creaky door.

[1:25] I've already lost track.

[1:27] This is a podcast.

[1:28] Welcome to the Flap House podcast.

[1:29] Wait, here's one.

[1:30] Sound effect of the moment when you're young and you realize you'll die someday.

[1:34] Ooh.

[1:34] Spook comes.

[1:36] Terrifying.

Stuart Wellington

[1:37] Spookarino.

[1:40] That's got a little bit of Latin flavor.

[1:42] Yeah.

[1:42] West Coast style.

[1:43] So this is the Flap House podcast.

[1:46] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[1:47] I'm Dan McCoy.

[1:48] No, no, no.

[1:49] Okay, we did this already and you're wrong.

Dan McCoy

[1:51] So what we do in this podcast is we watch a bad movie and then we chat about it with you.

[1:57] Well, not with you because you can't chat back.

[1:59] But at you.

[1:59] I mean, you can if you want.

Elliott Kalan

[2:00] Well, in a way, we could say that they are very rudely eavesdropping on a conversation between three friends.

[2:06] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[2:06] If you feel bad.

[2:07] Looking for a keyhole.

[2:07] Or maybe you feel turned on.

[2:10] Wait, what?

[2:11] You're ear voyeurs.

[2:12] Because.

[2:12] We just made it sexy all of a sudden.

[2:13] Because seduction is the ultimate sexiness.

[2:17] Yep.

[2:18] So this is the second episode in Shocktober.

[2:23] Shocktober.

[2:24] 2013.

Elliott Kalan

[2:26] Official Shocktober.

[2:27] 2013 AD.

[2:31] The scariest type of year.

[2:33] The D stands for death.

[2:35] Not really, no.

[2:36] It doesn't.

[2:36] It stands for Dominic.

[2:38] It means death, right?

[2:39] No, it means Lord.

[2:40] Okay.

[2:41] It's our Lord.

[2:42] Not mine, though.

[2:44] Woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo.

[2:45] Spooky.

[2:46] He's Jewish.

[2:48] I reject the divinity of Christ.

[2:51] Woo-hoo.

[2:52] Like a vampire.

[2:56] Or a Frankenstein's monster.

[2:59] Or a rabbi.

[3:02] Or rabbi.

[3:02] Oh, so you're saying we're monsters.

[3:04] Is that it, Dan?

[3:04] I'm sorry.

[3:05] I can say that.

[3:06] Yeah, what if I'm not saying that?

Stuart Wellington

[3:06] I'm both Jewish and a monster.

[3:07] It's okay for me to say it.

[3:08] Hey, guys, what if Woody Allen was one of those monsters?

[3:11] No.

[3:11] It's like, wait, wait, wait.

[3:12] Ahem, ahem.

[3:14] Hello, my name is Woody Allen.

[3:16] Classic.

[3:16] I'm totally.

[3:17] Well, I had such a piece of cake this one time.

Elliott Kalan

[3:20] Reminds me of a, uh.

Stuart Wellington

[3:22] All these people's relationships.

[3:24] So weird, y'all.

[3:25] Okay, that's more of a Woody Allen thing.

Dan McCoy

[3:26] I don't know why the cake would come out.

[3:27] Yeah, the first thing was more like, I'm a naughty little boy.

[3:30] I had so much chocolate cake when no one was looking.

[3:34] More sweets, please, Nana.

[3:36] Yummy.

Elliott Kalan

[3:37] East me, Woody Allen.

Dan McCoy

[3:39] Yeah, you guys are great.

Stuart Wellington

[3:40] The sassiest boy child in the world.

Dan McCoy

[3:43] East be in America's favorite neurotic.

Elliott Kalan

[3:46] There was a sketch I wanted to do years ago about a character named Woody Allen Zweigen, who was Nazi Germany's favorite comedian.

[3:54] But he's just Woody Allen.

[3:56] It was just an excuse to do Nazi jokes in a Woody Allen voice.

[4:00] Terrible.

[4:01] Terrible but funny.

Stuart Wellington

[4:02] I think you need written permission from your parents to do those.

Elliott Kalan

[4:05] Yeah, yeah, yeah, so the school can let me do it, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[4:07] Yeah.

[4:08] So what Shocktober delight did we listen to tonight?

[4:12] Well, we listened to an old radio show.

Elliott Kalan

[4:15] We did nothing but listen to Arch Older's Lights Out.

Dan McCoy

[4:18] It was War of the Worlds, the classic Orson Welles broadcast.

Stuart Wellington

[4:22] Oh, I wish.

Elliott Kalan

[4:22] I love that broadcast.

[4:23] I love the first half of that broadcast.

Stuart Wellington

[4:25] Second half, when it gets super scary, Elliot hides under the covers.

[4:28] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[4:30] No, we watched a movie called The Purge.

[4:34] The Purge.

[4:35] The Purge.

[4:35] Government shut down.

Elliott Kalan

[4:37] Yeah, it was really timely because, hey, now while you're listening to this, the government will hopefully not be shut down anymore.

Dan McCoy

[4:42] Theoretically, a deal has been struck, I believe.

Elliott Kalan

[4:46] Yeah.

[4:47] But right now, it's still shut down, and that's kind of timely with this movie where America, after an unexplained period of being in shambles, has clawed its way back to economic strength, peace, prosperity, and low crime rates through the institution of The Purge.

[5:05] Okay, that sounds ominous.

[5:06] One night a year when all crime is legal.

[5:10] Does that include murder?

[5:11] Yes, as the government announcement made on television says, all crimes, including murder, are legal.

[5:16] I believe up to murder.

[5:18] And I don't think that they, like.

[5:19] Murder is the high point.

[5:20] I mean, what would be higher than that, treason?

[5:22] I don't think that.

[5:23] Yes.

Dan McCoy

[5:23] And treason is not legal on The Purge.

[5:25] Although maybe, I don't know.

[5:27] It seems like maybe the government didn't need to announce that that includes murder because it seems like that's the only crime anyone's interested in in this movie.

[5:35] Well, yeah, that's true.

[5:36] You don't see any looting.

[5:37] You don't see any raping.

[5:39] Thank you.

[5:39] There's no thieving.

[5:40] We don't see any thieving.

[5:41] We don't see any jaywalking.

[5:43] No littering.

[5:44] There's some loitering.

[5:45] No one tears the tags off of mattresses.

[5:48] It's not actually against the law.

Stuart Wellington

[5:49] And from considering some of these performances, I'm assuming drug use is.

Dan McCoy

[5:54] Oh, I thought you were talking about stealing the show.

Elliott Kalan

[6:00] Chewing the scenery.

[6:02] Nobody opens a business in a residentially zoned district.

[6:06] Nobody drives a truck without a Class D license.

[6:09] That would be hilarious what they did during The Purge.

Dan McCoy

[6:11] It's like, all right, we've built this business.

[6:13] We've waited to open it until The Purge.

[6:15] And then we're going to get grandfathered in.

Elliott Kalan

[6:18] Or like the cops pull someone over who's driving.

[6:20] This license says you need glasses.

[6:22] Not tonight, copper.

[6:24] You can't touch me.

[6:28] I'm scot-free.

[6:29] That's my name.

Stuart Wellington

[6:30] Somebody orders a giant submarine sandwich and the guy preparing it takes the latex gloves off.

Elliott Kalan

[6:35] Whoa.

[6:36] Well, that's company policy.

[6:37] That's not a law.

[6:38] You can be fired for that even during The Purge.

Stuart Wellington

[6:40] Single white female place.

Elliott Kalan

[6:42] There's a scene with people just tearing their hairnets off.

Stuart Wellington

[6:45] No, that's Hand the Rocks the Cradle is the movie that opens with the guy taking latex gloves off.

[6:49] Okay.

[6:51] This is the latex gloves cast.

[6:53] Every time I take latex gloves off, that's what I think of.

[6:56] Really?

[6:56] I think of a movie where Ernie Hudson plays a slow ground key.

[6:58] Why are you wearing so many latex gloves?

Elliott Kalan

[7:00] Because I think of like mad scientists with rubber gloves on.

[7:04] Like surgical gloves.

Stuart Wellington

[7:05] I always think that I am a gynecologist about to horribly do something to somebody.

[7:11] Okay.

[7:12] Terrible.

Dan McCoy

[7:12] This is a terrible insight into you.

Stuart Wellington

[7:14] It's Shocktober, dude.

[7:15] All rules are off.

Elliott Kalan

[7:18] Through some sort of unexplained purge effect, crime is low and unemployment is low.

[7:23] It seems mainly because so many poor people are killed during the purge.

[7:27] They kind of dance around saying that the rich kill the poor during the purge and that's how America has regained its strength.

Dan McCoy

[7:33] I mean, all right.

[7:35] I'm already taking issue with the stupid premise of this movie.

[7:38] I haven't gotten to the dumb part of the premise.

Elliott Kalan

[7:39] This was instituted by a mysterious government group called the New Founding Fathers and everyone's super religious about it.

[7:46] They keep saying, blessed be the New Founding Fathers.

[7:49] And it's like, yeah, we got it.

[7:51] You don't have to hit us over the head with the right wing whatever, like cartoony stuff.

[7:56] Like just make it a purge.

[7:57] They don't have to be religious fanatics who love the Founding Fathers.

Dan McCoy

[8:00] But also for the purposes of this movie, I'm willing to buy like, you know, you talk about having like a big buy in movies.

[8:06] Like I'm willing to buy the premise.

[8:07] Like I would be willing to buy the idea of like, okay, crime rate is low because we have crime one night a year.

[8:14] But once you get into like, and where economic prosperity is back because we've got crime, like that is totally not so.

Elliott Kalan

[8:20] Well, even the idea that crime is down, you know, people give gifts other nights than Christmas.

[8:24] Yeah.

[8:25] Just because there's one gift giving night doesn't mean you don't get gifts other nights.

[8:28] Just because Valentine's Day comes once a year doesn't mean no one has sex other nights.

[8:31] Sure.

[8:32] I mean, hold on.

[8:34] But if you save it up until Valentine's Day.

[8:35] We're a room full of merry guys over here.

Dan McCoy

[8:37] But killing the poor doesn't suddenly solve all of our economic problems.

[8:40] That just means that.

Elliott Kalan

[8:41] I believe there's a Dead Kennedy song that says otherwise.

Dan McCoy

[8:44] Means that suddenly there's no one willing to work low wage jobs.

Elliott Kalan

[8:48] Yeah, it does seem like you would immediately lose your labor pool.

[8:51] Yeah, there's going to be robots running all.

[8:52] Oh, I got it.

[8:53] Now, if they introduced robots other than the burnt baby doll attached to a robot truck.

Stuart Wellington

[8:58] I can only assume that that is just the tip of the robot iceberg that this movie is hinting at.

[9:03] A robot iceberg.

[9:04] Think about it.

[9:05] Some sort of robo-berg.

Elliott Kalan

[9:06] Floating around murdering Titanic.

[9:08] Ice bot.

[9:09] Yeah.

[9:11] Murdering Titanic.

Dan McCoy

[9:12] But one night a year, murdering Titanic is legal.

[9:15] All right.

[9:16] So we've danced around it.

[9:17] We should get into the more details.

[9:19] What happens to this movie?

[9:20] Well, I mean, there's not.

Stuart Wellington

[9:21] So the movie opens with like a credits roll explaining that.

[9:26] The purge.

[9:27] Explaining the purge and the economic prosperity.

[9:29] Instead of, of course, like showing us this.

[9:32] Which it doesn't.

Dan McCoy

[9:32] I mean, like the thing is it doesn't need it because later on there's like the emergency broadcast thing that totally explains what the purge is.

[9:39] So you're saying.

Stuart Wellington

[9:39] Make it so they don't want people to sit down in the theater and be like, what the fuck movie am I watching?

[9:43] I thought I was watching Here Comes the Boom.

Elliott Kalan

[9:45] There is a.

[9:46] I thought I was watching Here Comes the Purge.

[9:49] But this isn't Ice Purge.

[9:50] It's the animated film.

[9:54] With Ray Romano?

[9:55] He's hilarious.

[9:55] I thought I saw Purge-A-Tar.

[9:57] You know, they go to another planet and they purge things.

[9:59] So here's, so I guess here's a common thread we've seen in a lot of bad movies on, in this podcast, which is explaining the premise of the world right at the top so that every moron in the audience gets it right away.

[10:12] Including these three morons.

[10:13] Yes.

[10:13] Including us three morons right here sitting with our dumb microphones being stupid.

[10:18] And.

[10:18] With a mouth full of Popeye's.

[10:19] Hey, hey, hey, hey, guys.

[10:20] The microphones aren't dumb.

[10:22] Sorry.

[10:22] Come on.

[10:22] Sorry, microphones.

[10:24] But it seems like almost every movie or book or TV show set in, like, another world is better when it allows you to discover the rules of the world.

[10:35] Like, just look at any good episode of The Twilight Zone.

[10:38] It's very rare that Rod Serling just comes out in the beginning and says, like, by the way, this is a world where people live on another planet.

[10:45] It's not Earth.

[10:46] But you'll find out they go to Earth at the end.

[10:49] Or, like, here's.

Stuart Wellington

[10:50] Those aren't masks.

[10:51] They're all monsters.

[10:52] Monster faces.

[10:53] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[10:53] Well, they become monster faces.

[10:55] After they put the masks on.

[10:56] But wait, what?

[10:56] Spoiler alert for a Twilight Zone episode.

[10:58] We're like, look.

[11:00] Submitted for your approval.

[11:01] A world where beautiful is the norm because people change their appearances.

[11:06] But one girl thinks otherwise and she'll be proved wrong at the end.

[11:10] Oops, did I spoil it.

[11:12] Welcome to the spoiling zone.

[11:14] Like, it seems like nothing is made better by having it explained to you at the top.

[11:19] Even, and people would point to maybe, what, like, Star Wars?

[11:22] But that tells you almost nothing at the top.

[11:24] It tells you that there's bad guys and some rebels are fighting them.

[11:27] And that's about it.

[11:28] Yeah.

[11:28] And that a Death Star exists.

Stuart Wellington

[11:30] But anyway.

[11:31] Yeah, but I mean, like, I think you brought up the example of the movie version of the Golden Compass.

[11:35] Yeah, that's the main one for me.

[11:36] They're telling you everything about it, whereas in the book they don't tell you about it.

[11:39] In the book it's this.

[11:40] It evolves like a beautiful onion.

Elliott Kalan

[11:42] It looks like, it's like, yes.

[11:44] Well, I would say more like a flower unfolding and blossoming.

[11:47] Not an evolving onion.

[11:48] No, not an evolving onion.

[11:50] An onion that I guess walks on hind legs.

[11:51] Yeah.

[11:52] And gets thumbs.

Stuart Wellington

[11:54] Yep, and learns to use rudimentary tools.

Elliott Kalan

[11:56] But anyway, the plot of The Purge.

[11:57] So we see a lot of people getting ready for The Purge, which seems to mainly involve putting flowers in front of their house, which I didn't understand what the point of that was.

[12:04] And sharpening machetes.

[12:05] Yeah.

[12:05] And the neighbors are sharpening machetes.

[12:07] Sharpening up your machetes.

[12:08] And now we're in a wealthy neighborhood where Ethan Hawke, a seller of security systems for homes, is joining his wife, Lena Hetty, the villain from Dread.

[12:20] Yeah, sure, that's where you mostly know her from.

Stuart Wellington

[12:23] That's the most recent thing I saw her in.

[12:25] Okay.

[12:25] What else did she do?

[12:26] What else did she do?

[12:27] She's Game of Thrones.

[12:28] Oh, yeah, that's right.

[12:29] Sarah Connor from the TV, Sarah Connor Chronicles.

Elliott Kalan

[12:31] Oh, I forgot she played Sarah Connor in the Sarah Connor Chronicles.

[12:34] Terminator TV, as I call it.

Stuart Wellington

[12:35] When you're talking to your wife about Terminator TV?

Elliott Kalan

[12:39] Yeah, when are they going to bring back Terminator TV?

[12:41] And she's like, ah, always with the Terminator TV.

[12:44] I mean, I'm just saying they jumped to that other dimension at the end.

[12:47] What happened?

[12:49] So the...

[12:52] People are hanging out.

[12:52] I actually didn't know she played Cersei because I don't watch the Game of Thrones series.

[12:56] Just, you know.

[12:56] Me neither.

Dan McCoy

[12:57] So she doesn't have a yellow wing.

[12:59] Ethan Hawke has made a fucking mint.

[12:59] Ethan Hawke's made...

[13:01] There's this one night a year when people need security.

Elliott Kalan

[13:04] Well, Ethan Hawke's...

[13:04] But you really need it.

[13:06] Yeah, that's true.

[13:06] Ethan Hawke's made bank.

[13:07] Anything goes.

[13:08] Selling security to everybody on his block.

[13:10] And the people in the neighborhood are not happy about it.

[13:14] And one of the women says to Lena Hetty, oh, we kind of...

[13:17] She basically comes out and says, we hate you because we all bought security from you

[13:22] and then you built this huge addition on your house.

[13:24] You have some cookies.

[13:25] They say the neighborhood...

Stuart Wellington

[13:26] She just disappears for a minute for most of the movie and you're like, she's going to

[13:29] come back and try and kill him, right?

[13:29] She has to come back because they hate him.

[13:30] Those cookies have like shurikens in them or something.

Elliott Kalan

[13:33] Well, it's just like the...

[13:34] It's like the...

[13:35] The...

[13:36] What is it?

[13:36] Praline Surprise or something like that in the Monty Python chopped sweetmeat sketch.

[13:40] Spring surprise.

[13:41] Yeah.

[13:42] Two sharp springs.

[13:43] Plunge through the cheeks.

[13:45] There wouldn't be a surprise.

[13:48] We use only the finest Iraqi frogs.

[13:52] Anyway.

[13:53] Monty Python.

[13:53] Look it up.

[13:54] It's good stuff.

[13:54] Yep.

[13:55] So, but there's...

[13:56] Everyone's getting ready for the purge.

[13:58] Ethan Hawke has two kids, a teenage girl who wears a school...

[14:01] A Catholic schoolgirl's outfit through the whole movie.

Dan McCoy

[14:03] And you think that we're purpozoids for bringing it up, but this is clearly like...

[14:07] This is like fetish wear.

[14:09] This is...

[14:09] She is wearing like the full like blouse with like a necktie and short...

Elliott Kalan

[14:13] And the skirt without like the shorts under the skirt that girls actually wear in real

[14:18] life.

Stuart Wellington

[14:19] All she's missing is like a katana and a tentacle raping her.

[14:22] Am I right, guys?

[14:23] Okay.

[14:23] Not where I was going.

[14:24] No.

[14:25] No, wait.

[14:25] No, thank you.

[14:26] I'm going to go to more of a Britney Spears place.

Elliott Kalan

[14:27] Rewind it.

[14:28] No, Rwanda it.

[14:30] Hotel Rwanda it.

[14:32] Talk about fetish wear.

[14:34] What?

[14:35] I don't know.

[14:36] Don Gietel.

[14:37] You know what, Stuart, baby?

[14:38] Open that Coors Light faster so you can put the Coors Light in your mouth and not say

[14:41] these crazy things.

[14:42] And not my feet?

[14:43] Yeah, exactly.

[14:44] Take your feet out of your mouth and put some delicious Coors Light in there.

[14:46] I think that's their new question.

[14:47] You get 16 ounces to get through.

Dan McCoy

[14:49] So Coors Light, please give us some money for that advertisement.

[14:53] Take your feet out of your mouth and put some delicious Coors Light in there.

[14:56] Hey, Stuart, take your feet out of your mouth.

Elliott Kalan

[14:58] People implying that the people who drink your beer are weird tentacle fetishists who find

Stuart Wellington

[15:03] Hotel Rwanda sexy.

[15:05] I'm glad that you're making judgment calls on tentacle fetishes.

Elliott Kalan

[15:09] You're right, because my fetish of human women who have sex with men is really crazy.

[15:14] My naked lady fetish is really weird.

[15:17] I was watching that.

[15:19] I did watch a scene from Possession earlier today.

[15:21] So what you're suggesting is that if today was a purge, I would be within my rights to

Stuart Wellington

[15:25] totally just purge you all over the place.

Elliott Kalan

[15:27] Yeah, you could just kill me all over.

[15:28] So anyway, they have a son who is like...

[15:32] Oh, cool dude.

[15:33] He's a sunglass fetishist.

[15:34] Most of what we know is he wears these super cool black shades that are hooked up to a camera

[15:39] that he put into a remote-controlled device that is...

[15:42] It's a remote-controlled car tank that he put like a half-burnt baby doll on.

[15:47] It looks like one of...

Stuart Wellington

[15:47] It's a baby from Toy Story.

Elliott Kalan

[15:49] It looks like one of Sid's monsters from Toy Story, the first one.

[15:53] Yeah.

[15:54] But whenever he uses it, he puts on these cool shades, and there's so many shots of just

[15:59] this kid sitting there, no expression on his face, sunglasses on.

[16:01] It looks like he's pretending to be Tom Cruise or something.

[16:04] He's getting ready for a Maxell commercial.

Stuart Wellington

[16:06] But the thing is, it allows him to initiate the mind-machine interface.

[16:10] Mm-hmm.

[16:11] Of course.

[16:11] Yeah, exactly, yeah.

[16:12] I mean, it's super simple.

[16:13] He's neuromancing, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[16:14] So even though The Purge is starting, sexy daughter has her boyfriend.

Elliott Kalan

[16:19] Her boyfriend, who's an older guy, but by like a couple years, they both seem like...

[16:23] Yeah, he doesn't look that much older.

[16:24] They both look like high school students.

[16:26] I think they're both in high school.

[16:27] I mean, I think that's the...

Dan McCoy

[16:28] In the movie, they're in the high school, but in...

[16:29] They're in the high school.

[16:30] In the high school.

[16:32] The kid's in the high school these days.

[16:34] Am I right?

[16:34] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[16:34] With the learning and the books.

[16:35] Yeah, they're going to Purge HS.

[16:37] Later on, they go to Purge U.

[16:39] And that's the other thing.

Elliott Kalan

[16:40] The son is like, we learned about the Purge in history today.

[16:43] It's like, all right, let's stop right there.

[16:45] That's at most, what, 10 years of history?

[16:47] Yeah.

[16:48] And this is...

[16:48] They set up a nation where everything is about the Purge.

[16:52] Like, all anyone talks about is the Purge.

[16:54] Look, it's the Purge day.

[16:54] And I know the Purge is that night.

[16:56] But on Christmas...

[16:57] I mean, it's the name of the movie, dude.

[16:58] On Christmas and Halloween, people talk about other things.

[17:00] And Ernest goes to jail.

Stuart Wellington

[17:01] They're mainly talking about when he goes to jail.

[17:03] No, they're not.

Elliott Kalan

[17:04] There's the part where he's chewing on the pen when he's in the jury duty box.

[17:06] Oh, that's pretty hilarious, dude.

[17:07] And at the end when he has electricity powers.

Stuart Wellington

[17:10] Which is really amazing.

[17:11] That was the best turn of movie history.

Elliott Kalan

[17:13] I think so.

[17:14] That was the audition of Ernest movies.

[17:16] Wes Craven's shocker Ernest.

[17:17] I didn't think he was going to turn into a superhero at the end.

[17:21] But everyone talks about the Purge.

[17:22] America is all about the Purge.

[17:24] They love it.

[17:24] Everything on TV and the radio is about the Purge.

Dan McCoy

[17:26] Yeah, but they've put this Purge into place pretty fast,

[17:29] considering how not far in the future this movie is supposed to be.

[17:32] It's become a real Hallmark holiday.

[17:33] Yeah.

[17:34] No.

[17:35] It's everywhere.

[17:36] Oh, the Purge.

[17:37] That's just another excuse to sell greeting cards and kill people.

Elliott Kalan

[17:41] But so they're all getting –

[17:42] Ethan Hawke is like, we're all going to sit at home.

[17:45] Like every year, we're just going to close the metal barriers and watch TV,

[17:49] because on TV they just air random surveillance footage of people getting murdered all over the country.

[17:55] Sure.

[17:56] And it's one of those things also where you're like, let's say I buy the premise that one night a year, crime is okay,

[18:03] and a large number of people get involved.

[18:05] I don't think everybody in the country is going to want to watch it on TV.

[18:09] Like they'll probably just want to stick with the regular CBS lineup.

[18:11] Yeah, but I mean, you know, you don't know.

Stuart Wellington

[18:13] They probably don't have an option.

[18:13] It's probably preempted.

[18:15] It might just be –

[18:15] I would think that they're missing out on a lot of primo bucks from advertisers, right?

Elliott Kalan

[18:19] Yeah, yeah.

[18:20] Yeah.

[18:21] Their networks hate it.

Dan McCoy

[18:22] Economic superiority, I don't think so.

[18:24] You know, you can probably like turn to PBS and watch John Tesh at Red Rocks or something.

[18:29] That's true.

Elliott Kalan

[18:30] That's kind of like –

[18:30] Oh, that'll get me in the mood to purge.

[18:32] There's a thing that used to happen in Soviet Russia where whenever there was trouble,

[18:36] like in the 80s and I think in the 70s, when there was trouble in the country, like protests,

[18:40] they would just air – or like if the secretary general of the – or the head of the party had died,

[18:46] they would just run the same performance of Swan Lake over and over again on TV.

[18:50] And so I wonder if John Tesh at Red Rocks is like that in the purge universe where we're like,

[18:54] something big must be going on.

[18:56] Red Rocks is on.

Dan McCoy

[18:58] Yeah.

[18:58] It's opiate for the masses.

Elliott Kalan

[19:01] It's piano in a beautiful canyon setting.

[19:05] So anyway, the purge.

[19:07] There's not much of a plot in this movie.

[19:08] No, there isn't.

[19:09] Ethan Hawke –

Stuart Wellington

[19:10] Well, that kid's in the house is important to know.

Elliott Kalan

[19:12] Ethan Hawke shuts down the thing and they're all hanging out.

[19:15] The family does not really get along.

[19:17] We have one of those family dinner scenes where Ethan Hawke is like,

[19:21] kids, be serious.

[19:22] Yeah.

[19:22] Tell me about your day.

[19:23] Come on.

[19:24] Stop giving each other daps.

Dan McCoy

[19:25] And the kids like –

[19:26] The kids do give each other daps.

[19:27] And like the boy kid's like, dad, why the purge?

[19:31] And Ethan's like, the purge is important.

[19:33] It's necessary.

[19:34] It's what made our country great again.

Elliott Kalan

[19:36] But you and mom don't purge.

[19:37] Yeah, what if we wanted to kill people, we would.

[19:40] We just don't want to.

[19:41] Okay, then a guy starts running into the neighborhood, a black guy, obviously bloodied on the run,

[19:47] going, help me, help me.

[19:48] And homeless, right?

[19:50] Well, we find out he's homeless, but he doesn't look homeless.

[19:52] Help me.

[19:52] Someone save me.

[19:53] Like, he doesn't have, like, bags for shoes.

Stuart Wellington

[19:55] So he's like a John Rambo style homeless.

Elliott Kalan

[19:59] He doesn't walk into the neighborhood and goes, I'm sorry to ruin anybody's purge.

[20:03] I am homeless.

[20:04] I'm just looking for safety and maybe a sandwich.

[20:07] Please, God bless you.

[20:09] If anyone can help me.

[20:10] You can let me into your house or give me some food.

[20:12] And then he shuffles through down the neighborhood.

[20:14] Anybody?

[20:15] Anybody?

[20:16] And then when nobody gives him anything, he goes to the next neighborhood.

Dan McCoy

[20:20] He checks his iPhone.

[20:20] That's Elliot Kalin.

[20:21] Elliot Kalin being heartless about the homeless.

[20:25] Come on.

Elliott Kalan

[20:26] I give to the homeless all the time.

[20:28] All right.

[20:28] A lot of my commutes are interrupted by homeless people or mariachi bands.

[20:32] I'd much rather be confronted with a homeless person than a mariachi band in the morning.

[20:36] A hand up.

[20:37] Not a hand out.

[20:38] The worst.

[20:38] That's what Elliot always said.

[20:39] The worst is homeless mariachi bands.

[20:42] They had to pawn their instruments, so they just make the noises with their mouths.

[20:45] So sad.

[20:46] Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, that kind of stuff.

Dan McCoy

[20:50] Instead of shaking maracas, they shake bottles of their own urine.

[20:54] It's terrible.

[20:54] It doesn't really get the same sound.

[20:55] It's terrible.

Elliott Kalan

[20:56] I mean, are you getting, Dan, when you shake a bottle of your urine, does it make like

[20:59] a shk-a-shk-a-shk-a-shk-a-shk sound?

[21:02] Yeah, because I'm peeing peas.

[21:06] Oh, boy.

[21:07] Dan, your bladder should not be turning food into peas.

[21:10] I mean, it started out as peas, so why shouldn't it end up as peas?

[21:13] Hold on a second.

Stuart Wellington

[21:14] It shouldn't even go in there.

Elliott Kalan

[21:16] Okay.

[21:17] If anyone's a urologist, please write in.

[21:19] So let me go through the rest of this.

[21:20] Call in right now.

[21:21] The minimal plot in this.

[21:22] So this homeless guy runs out.

[21:23] Please, can anyone help me?

[21:24] And everyone's ignoring him except the son feels bad for him.

[21:27] He feels compassion.

[21:28] Disarms the house.

[21:29] The homeless guy runs in.

[21:30] His greatest weakness.

[21:31] Ethan Hawke's like, what are you doing?

[21:32] Puts the shutters down on the house again.

[21:34] And then a team of cartoonishly preppy, evil, you know, just, it's like these, like a bunch

[21:41] of college kids who watched American Psycho too many times stroll up in their preppy suits

[21:46] with like school jackets and say like, we were chasing that filthy poor pig, that homeless

[21:54] swine.

[21:55] We're supposed to kill him for our nation's purge and you're stopping us.

[21:59] So if you don't let him out, we're going to go in there and kill your whole family.

Stuart Wellington

[22:03] Yeah.

[22:03] And it's like if the guys from Funny Games had sex with the Joker and had a baby.

[22:07] Exactly.

[22:08] Yeah.

[22:08] But I think even.

[22:08] And then a bunch of babies.

Elliott Kalan

[22:09] And the baby was like way less charismatic than anybody who was in Funny Games or Heath

[22:14] or Keith Ledger as the Joker.

[22:15] Keith Ledger.

[22:16] I think even before that.

[22:17] As the jokester.

[22:17] As the japester.

Dan McCoy

[22:19] Even before that happened though, what we have is a standoff.

[22:24] Like Ethan Hawke sees this unkempt black man in his home.

[22:28] He's like, why did you do this?

[22:29] And he's got his gun out.

[22:30] And then the boyfriend comes downstairs and shoots at Ethan Hawke because, twist, he's

[22:35] the real danger at this point in the movie at least and wants to kill Ethan Hawke for

[22:40] keeping him away from his hot teenage schoolgirl daughter.

Stuart Wellington

[22:42] But he didn't even sleep with her before he attempted to kill her dad.

[22:46] I would think he would try and sleep with her.

[22:47] And what's weird though is that.

[22:48] And what's weird though is that.

Stuart Wellington

[22:48] Well except.

[22:49] Under a relationship.

[22:50] I mean.

Stuart Wellington

[22:50] I mean.

[22:50] Yeah.

[22:50] But you need that extra boost of confidence.

Elliott Kalan

[22:52] She's taking her clothes off and they're making out and then he stops and is like,

[22:55] uh, I gotta go talk to your dad.

Stuart Wellington

[22:57] It's like, I wanna be really rage filled when I confront your dad with bullets.

Elliott Kalan

[23:01] Much like Jake LaMotta in Raging Bull.

[23:03] Yeah.

[23:04] I like to get my libido up and then deny myself.

[23:06] Well it's like.

[23:07] So I've got that much more anger and power for the fight.

Stuart Wellington

[23:10] It's like wearing a hair shirt but for my balls.

Dan McCoy

[23:12] It's like Bull Durham.

[23:13] He feels like, you know, having sex drains it.

[23:17] He's got energy and he might not be able to shoot as well.

[23:20] So he's gotta have his.

[23:21] Oh yeah.

[23:21] He's gotta be on target with his gun.

[23:22] Enough said.

[23:23] Gun shooting.

Stuart Wellington

[23:24] He looks like he's seen Bull Durham a couple times.

[23:27] But, uh.

Elliott Kalan

[23:27] In that Bull Durham look or BDL as we say.

[23:29] Except it didn't help him with his aim.

[23:30] He missed and Ethan Hawke totally shootified him until he was dead.

[23:34] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[23:35] But that was enough of a distraction for the homeless guy to escape into the cavernous house.

Elliott Kalan

[23:40] Into the bowels of the mansion.

[23:42] And for a long time it's.

[23:45] So the.

[23:45] And the preppy kids cut the power.

[23:48] And for a long time it's just Ethan Hawke and Lena Headey just wandering through this dark house looking for this homeless guy and not finding him and nothing happening.

Stuart Wellington

[23:55] Well that's what's great is this unique sense of geography where around every corner is just another corner.

[24:02] Yeah.

[24:02] It's like a veritable house of leaves.

Elliott Kalan

[24:04] It's real.

[24:04] It's non-Euclidean geometry.

[24:06] They built this thing on.

[24:08] And they have gone mad gazing on the house from the purge.

[24:11] The daughter also.

[24:12] It's like Cyclopean forms.

Dan McCoy

[24:14] The daughter also disappears into the shadows.

[24:16] Eldridge.

[24:16] For no particular reason.

[24:17] Or some other HV Lovecraft words.

[24:19] No, no.

[24:20] But like the daughter like leaves.

[24:21] Disappears for a long time.

[24:23] Yeah.

[24:23] And it would make sense.

[24:24] Into the miasma.

[24:25] It would make a little sense if she was like bitterly mad at her dad for shooting her boyfriend.

[24:30] But no.

[24:31] She like immediately is like, why did my boyfriend shoot at my dad?

[24:34] And like felt bad about it.

[24:36] But there's no reason then why she should like slink off into the shadows.

[24:40] She had to go find herself upon the spires of Ugo.

[24:42] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[24:42] I guess.

[24:43] Right.

[24:44] Yeah.

[24:45] She was going on a dream quest in Unknown Kadeth.

[24:47] Okay.

[24:47] Anyway.

[24:49] So there's a.

[24:50] The point is everyone's separated.

[24:50] The point is they're all looking for this guy.

[24:53] Eventually.

[24:53] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[24:53] That's the amp up the tension.

[24:55] It's called directing.

[24:56] Directing provided by James.

[24:59] James Demonico.

[25:01] Something like that.

Elliott Kalan

[25:02] Demonico.

[25:03] Like.

Elliott Kalan

[25:03] Demonico.

[25:04] Oh.

[25:04] Like.

Elliott Kalan

[25:04] Of Monaco.

[25:06] Or as Stuart says.

[25:07] Yeah.

[25:07] Say it again.

Stuart Wellington

[25:09] Demonico.

[25:10] Oh.

[25:12] Dan.

[25:12] Dan, you don't like it?

[25:13] You seem so unhappy.

Elliott Kalan

[25:14] Dan, you seem like you went into a fugue state for a second.

Dan McCoy

[25:16] Were you quantum leaping?

[25:18] I appear to be in front of some microphones.

Elliott Kalan

[25:21] Some sort of podcast.

[25:23] Sure.

[25:24] Must be some kind of midnight sex talk radio show.

[25:26] Anyway, I'll begin.

[25:27] So here's my craziest story.

Dan McCoy

[25:29] I was watching my two best friends have sex for some reason.

[25:33] And they had sex in a very particular way.

[25:36] Here's.

Elliott Kalan

[25:36] Here.

[25:37] I think we might have talked about the movies where it's, they've taken like a Cinemax TV

[25:42] show and they've cut up the scenes and made it a movie and they're like, yeah.

[25:45] Like, so a friend of mine and her boyfriend told me the craziest story.

[25:49] And then it just dissolves to a sex scene.

[25:51] It's like.

Dan McCoy

[25:52] Okay.

[25:52] Two people having sex.

Elliott Kalan

[25:53] That wasn't anything.

[25:54] It's not crazy.

[25:54] But also like, how are you describing this?

[25:56] I don't.

[25:56] So anyway.

[25:57] Were you there?

[25:58] Get out of my mind.

[26:00] Like, it's not a story.

[26:01] Like, there's nothing to tell.

Dan McCoy

[26:03] So then.

[26:04] There was some reverse cowgirl.

Elliott Kalan

[26:06] Then he was behind, he was behind her for a little bit.

Dan McCoy

[26:09] But then she was on the bottom again.

[26:11] And then she was in a space where it kind of looked like she was giving him oral, but

[26:15] it wouldn't be quite lining up.

Elliott Kalan

[26:17] It didn't line up quite right.

[26:18] It looked more like she was like bobbing her head against his thigh.

Stuart Wellington

[26:21] It's kind of like the oral sex in Orange is the New Black.

[26:24] Am I right, guys?

[26:25] I haven't watched that.

[26:26] Sure.

[26:27] Come on.

[26:28] Netflix originals.

[26:30] So.

[26:30] So anyway.

[26:31] Purge.

Elliott Kalan

[26:31] Eventually, they're in another Mexican standoff.

[26:34] No offense to Mexicans listening.

[26:36] Where the homeless man has his gun against the little boy's head.

[26:40] Where's the daughter?

[26:40] No, the daughter's head.

[26:41] It doesn't matter.

[26:42] The little kid looks like it.

[26:43] Ethan Hawke.

[26:44] Yeah.

[26:44] He's got long hair.

[26:45] He looks like Hanson.

[26:46] And the bad guy looks like grown up Hanson.

[26:48] They both look like members of Hanson.

[26:49] It's a bunch of Hansons.

[26:51] It's like.

[26:51] And if this movie had been like.

[26:52] This movie's a looper.

[26:53] It had been about like crazy Hansons.

[26:55] What a twist.

[26:56] What's great about that twist is they never reveal it in the movie.

[26:59] Yeah.

[27:00] It's extra technical.

[27:01] You gotta puzzle it out.

[27:03] It's not canon.

[27:04] It's not Purge canon.

[27:05] But in your Purge fanfic.

[27:06] Anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[27:07] By the way, you can't use a canon in the Purge.

Elliott Kalan

[27:09] It's a class five weapon.

[27:10] Yeah.

[27:10] You're not allowed to hire than a class four weapon.

[27:13] And certain government officials are considered immune to the Purge.

Stuart Wellington

[27:16] Which luckily doesn't fit within the scope of the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[27:19] The president is just strolling down the street while there's Murge.

[27:22] Can't touch me.

[27:24] I'm Murgey.

Dan McCoy

[27:25] He's got his president badge out.

Elliott Kalan

[27:27] Look at it.

[27:28] He's wearing a sash that says president.

Dan McCoy

[27:31] One thing that I do think that we shouldn't gloss over though is.

[27:35] I was just going to say.

Elliott Kalan

[27:36] The mom sneaks up.

[27:37] Shoots the homeless guy.

[27:38] So now the homeless guy's at their mercy.

[27:39] Anyway.

Dan McCoy

[27:40] But while they're waiting for the homeless guy outside.

[27:43] All of these evil.

[27:44] This evil gang is just doing.

[27:46] Stereotypical horror movie stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[27:48] They're all wearing masks that have big smiley faces.

[27:51] Not like smiley.

[27:51] They don't look like a fat man's belly.

[27:53] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[27:53] This is in the middle of the Purge.

[27:54] They all look like the mask.

[27:56] Where no one would have to wear a mask to commit a crime.

Elliott Kalan

[27:59] Because it's not illegal to commit crimes.

Stuart Wellington

[28:00] But it's not nearly scary enough to have a normal style of face.

Elliott Kalan

[28:02] And they're just like staring into the surveillance cameras.

[28:06] Kind of turning their heads.

[28:07] With a cocktail.

[28:07] Tilting their heads.

Dan McCoy

[28:08] And the two lady masks make out for a second for some reason.

Stuart Wellington

[28:11] And they're dressed in like old timey ghost fashion.

Dan McCoy

[28:14] Yeah.

[28:14] One of them swings on the old time swing set.

[28:16] It's possible that the people.

[28:18] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[28:18] Why do they have that fucking swing set?

[28:20] Kids don't use that shit.

[28:21] For spooky ghost shit.

[28:21] In the year 2025.

[28:22] In the year 2025.

[28:24] Swings are back.

[28:25] Oh.

[28:25] Okay.

[28:25] Part of the Purge is that people love swings again.

Stuart Wellington

[28:27] Cell phone use down.

[28:28] Baby robots.

[28:30] And swings way up.

Elliott Kalan

[28:31] This is also one of those movies.

[28:32] And it shouldn't bother me as much as it does.

[28:33] It's 12 years into the future.

[28:35] And everybody dresses exactly the same.

[28:37] And still uses iPads.

[28:39] Like every.

[28:40] Yeah.

[28:40] Technology and clothes are still the same.

[28:42] Just make it 2015.

[28:43] Stand still dude.

[28:44] I guess.

[28:45] There's a brief dark age.

[28:46] I do like that.

[28:46] I see.

[28:47] So in that 12 years they went back to barbaric times.

[28:50] They were dressed.

[28:50] Yeah.

[28:51] And they've only brought themselves up to the year 2013.

Stuart Wellington

[28:53] Wearing fashion.

[28:53] Clothes fashioned out of auto parts.

Elliott Kalan

[28:55] And street sides.

[28:57] Or as they call them demon carriages.

[28:58] I mean.

[28:59] I see what you're saying.

[29:00] Do you have the black blood that feeds the demon carriages?

Dan McCoy

[29:04] I prefer that to like them having like fucking hover cars all of a sudden.

[29:09] And it's just like how did that happen?

Elliott Kalan

[29:10] It's just like don't say it's the year 2025.

Stuart Wellington

[29:13] Moon boots.

[29:13] Giant shoulder pads.

[29:15] Spiky hair.

[29:15] Yeah.

[29:16] You gotta give them some time to get this Purge up and running.

Elliott Kalan

[29:18] Bill and Ted's.

[29:20] Bill's and Ted.

Dan McCoy

[29:21] I'm not gonna believe that they have the Purge in two years from now.

[29:22] I can only assume that the daughter was listening to the wild civilians.

[29:25] Now 12 years from now.

[29:27] I wouldn't.

[29:27] No.

[29:28] We're gonna have a Purge guys.

[29:29] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[29:29] But it's.

[29:30] And also the fact that.

Stuart Wellington

[29:31] I'd start Purging too if fashion never changed.

[29:34] What?

[29:34] I don't understand what that means.

[29:36] I'd organize a vote for a Purge thing.

Elliott Kalan

[29:39] Anyway.

[29:39] Let me just finish this stupid movie real quick.

[29:42] Okay.

[29:43] So there.

[29:44] So Ethan Hawke is gonna deliver the homeless guy up to the bad guys.

[29:48] And they're tying him up with tape.

[29:51] And he's about to escape.

[29:53] So he tells Lena Headey.

[29:54] Oh.

[29:55] I can't hold him for too long.

[29:56] There's a letter opener on my desk.

[29:58] Stab him in his wound with it.

[30:00] And before this.

[30:01] Ethan Hawke had just hit him in the head with a vase and knocked him out.

[30:03] Why didn't they just hit him again?

[30:05] And so instead his wife is.

[30:06] That was a priceless Ming vase.

[30:07] They didn't want to do it two times in a row.

[30:09] So instead his wife is stabbing him in the wound with a letter opener.

[30:13] Instead of hitting the reset button with the Ming vase.

[30:15] The kids are horrified.

[30:16] Except the son kind of looks like he's enjoying it.

[30:18] He's getting out.

[30:19] They tie him up again.

[30:20] And then there's more taunting from the villain.

[30:22] And then the homeless guy says, no, save your family.

[30:24] Like, put me out there.

[30:26] Sacrifice me.

[30:27] And that in Ethan Hawke awakens the opposite feeling of, what am I doing?

[30:31] This is crazy.

[30:32] He refuses to send the homeless guy out.

[30:34] The preppy bad guys come in and are supposedly invading the house.

[30:38] But Ethan Hawke kills almost all of them pretty easily.

Dan McCoy

[30:41] This is a very short home invasion.

[30:42] Like, the actual home invasion part of this movie.

[30:44] Takes very little time.

[30:45] Yeah, I mean, this movie is less than 90 minutes.

[30:47] And I think the actual home invasion is probably 20 minutes of it.

Stuart Wellington

[30:51] But the best part about the home invasion is that's when the movie cranks up the special effects.

[30:56] Oh, boy.

[30:56] Using the art of computer technology.

Elliott Kalan

[30:59] And what are those computers rendering?

[31:00] Is it perhaps something that looks real?

[31:05] Dinosaur, of course not.

Stuart Wellington

[31:06] It's got to be over-the-top action.

[31:08] Because that's what I've come to expect in my movies.

Elliott Kalan

[31:09] So there is gloopy animated blood that bursts out of people's bodies.

Stuart Wellington

[31:13] I want a guy to be standing pretty still for a while while, like, three or four bullets hit him before he just slumps over dead.

Elliott Kalan

[31:19] Yeah, just like real life.

[31:20] Yeah.

[31:21] Anyway, he shoots a bunch of people.

[31:23] There's some fighting.

[31:24] But then the preppy bad guy surprises Ethan Hawke and stabs him in the stomach.

[31:29] Ethan Hawke.

[31:29] I was surprised, too.

[31:33] He dies eventually.

[31:34] But then what happens?

[31:35] I don't even remember what happens to the preppies.

Dan McCoy

[31:37] The preppy bad guy is gunned down by his neighbors.

[31:41] Oh, right.

[31:41] Who have come in.

Stuart Wellington

[31:42] In, like, the seventh turnaround.

Elliott Kalan

[31:44] The neighbors show up.

[31:45] And we see this, like, four times in a row.

[31:48] A bad guy about to kill one of our heroes.

[31:50] They're, like, tickling our hero to death.

[31:52] And then a neighbor shooting them.

[31:54] Yeah, the first time a man and woman preppy are holding down the wife.

[31:58] And she's going, no, no.

[31:59] And then the girl decides to tickle the wife for a little bit and then takes out a huge sword.

[32:05] But it's like that was the one creepy moment in the whole movie is when she just starts tickling her.

[32:08] Because, like, that's a weird thing for a killer to suddenly do.

Stuart Wellington

[32:11] It's a weirdly playful moment.

Elliott Kalan

[32:13] Yeah.

[32:14] Kind of intimate.

[32:14] And that's what's so scary about it.

Dan McCoy

[32:16] Right, Dan?

[32:16] Yeah.

[32:17] You know it.

[32:18] This guy understands.

[32:19] No.

Elliott Kalan

[32:20] But we see the neighbors get the drop on the bad guys, like, four times.

[32:24] After the first time.

Stuart Wellington

[32:25] And we're like, oh, no.

[32:26] Our heroes are totally murdered.

Elliott Kalan

[32:27] And then they go, oh, thank you.

[32:30] And the neighbors go, oh, no.

[32:32] Now we wanted to kill you because we hate you so much.

Dan McCoy

[32:36] Because of money, I guess.

Elliott Kalan

[32:38] You stole all our money.

[32:39] You took all our money because I guess we were forced to buy security from you.

Dan McCoy

[32:43] You took all our money in return for services rendered.

[32:46] And we hate you.

[32:46] And then you built your house.

Elliott Kalan

[32:47] And even though we're all rich and have mansions, we're mad at you for having a bigger mansion.

[32:51] And then they talk for a while.

[32:53] Isn't that the way, though, right?

[32:54] And then.

[32:55] Always eyeing your neighbor's stuff.

[32:56] We haven't seen it in a while.

[32:58] That little remote control car with the burned baby doll on it comes by.

[33:01] Just a diversion.

[33:02] Homeless guy gets the drop on them, makes their drop their weapons.

[33:05] And the wife says, okay, now we're going to sit and wait out the rest of the night with no killing.

[33:10] Yeah.

[33:10] Cut to a couple minutes before the purge is over.

[33:12] They're just sitting around the dining room table.

[33:15] And the woman who brought by cookies earlier and told Lena Headey how much everybody hated them.

[33:22] Like makes a move and Lena Headey just smashes her face into the table.

[33:26] And for the first time, like this is when they decide to use like fake blood, like physical blood.

[33:32] And it looks like barbecue sauce.

[33:34] It's just pouring out of her face.

[33:35] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[33:35] Maybe in the future people's blood doubles as barbecue sauce.

[33:39] Hey, it's the purge, man.

[33:40] Anything can happen.

[33:41] It's actually subtext, right?

[33:42] That's what you guys said.

Elliott Kalan

[33:43] The siren goes off and the purge is over.

[33:47] The end.

[33:48] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[33:48] And the officials come and drag off the bodies.

Elliott Kalan

[33:51] And clean everybody up because they got a lot of cleaning to do.

[33:55] Now, hold on.

[33:56] I got to.

[33:57] Jinx.

[33:57] One of the.

[33:58] By law, you can't talk.

[33:59] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[34:00] You owe him a Coke, too.

[34:01] Okay.

[34:01] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[34:02] One of the things that bothers me a lot.

[34:04] Oh, it's the purge.

[34:05] Oh, it's the purge.

[34:06] I forgot that jinx laws no longer apply for the purge.

[34:09] There are many things that bother me.

[34:09] No laws apply, even jinx.

[34:11] Every crime is legal, even talking when you've been jinxed.

Elliott Kalan

[34:14] Jinx from space camp?

[34:16] Just say what you're going to say, okay?

[34:19] He spit it out, num nuts.

Dan McCoy

[34:20] That's what finally shut you up, is me referencing jinx from space camp.

[34:24] No, I like.

[34:25] I know that we're.

[34:26] Come on, jinx for brains.

[34:27] Just say it.

[34:27] The idea is, oh, we're supposed to learn this lesson of compassion.

[34:32] About how bad purges are.

[34:34] Like, I do not believe at the end Lena Headey being like, oh, you were all about to kill

[34:40] us all.

[34:41] Wait.

[34:42] Stop.

[34:43] No killing.

[34:44] Nope.

[34:44] We're going to wait this out.

[34:46] We're going to sit at the kitchen table.

Elliott Kalan

[34:47] Well, it's like Stuart said something while we were watching the movie about movies that

[34:51] set up a fake.

[34:53] Well, you say it better.

[34:54] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[34:54] So often movies set up a fake premise, like some kind of crazy premise where, for example,

[35:00] a purge or there's a lottery.

[35:02] Crime is legal.

[35:03] Yeah.

[35:03] Or, yeah.

[35:04] The whole point of the movie, the whole message is like, this stupid thing we invented is

[35:08] crazy.

[35:10] It's like, I knew that it was crazy.

[35:12] You know what?

[35:12] You were supposed to convince me it wasn't crazy.

Elliott Kalan

[35:14] The premise of the movie is that this is a horror movie where a crazy thing happens.

[35:17] Yeah.

[35:18] So why would you think I'm on board with it and you need to tell me why the crazy thing

[35:21] is bad?

Dan McCoy

[35:22] Maybe humanity is the true monsters in this world where the purge exists.

Stuart Wellington

[35:27] Why did we invent this stupid purge?

[35:29] Like, yeah, I don't know why you did it.

Elliott Kalan

[35:31] You didn't really explain it very well.

[35:33] It's like, you know we don't do that in real life, right?

[35:35] And I think they're trying to make a point about classes preying on each other and the

[35:39] lack of compassion between economic groups.

[35:42] But instead, it's just like, well, you know what?

Stuart Wellington

[35:43] I think they're betting that like 20 years down the line, there's going to be a purge.

[35:46] And it's going to be super popular amongst revolutionaries.

[35:49] All the quados.

Elliott Kalan

[35:51] The amazingly prescient movie, The Purge, really foresaw what happened.

[35:55] It's very popular among quados.

[36:00] But also, like, this is a movie that...

[36:02] In the future, quados are forced to live in quado ghettos.

[36:07] Quados are forced to become outlaws.

[36:09] But there is a legend of a chosen quado who will lead his people to quado freedom.

Dan McCoy

[36:14] But also, like, aside from its failure as an allegory, just because it is like a thing

[36:18] where like, oh, we set up a crazy world where man is inhumane because man is inhumane.

Elliott Kalan

[36:22] That's kind of stolen from an old Star Trek episode.

Dan McCoy

[36:25] But also, like, I don't think it's even making...

[36:28] Like, within its world, its message is so confused.

[36:30] Because what I took away from this movie is, yeah, that kid totally shouldn't have opened

[36:34] up the door and let that guy in.

[36:35] Because it led to a bunch of trouble.

[36:37] Yeah, everyone died because of that.

[36:39] Compassion is a bad idea.

Stuart Wellington

[36:40] Yeah, maybe that was the real...

[36:41] It's a pro-purge way.

[36:43] ...is if you're going to come up with an armored house, you need to have some kind of, like,

[36:47] attack, like, weapon to shoot people that come to your front door.

[36:50] Ah, yeah.

[36:51] Or some kind of, like, gas dispenser.

[36:52] Like a hydrogun.

[36:53] Or have, like, a panic room inside your house.

[36:55] Don't just have one level.

[36:56] Come on.

[36:56] If the movie Panic Room taught me anything, it's that panic rooms are awesome.

[37:02] It's that Kristen Stewart was going to be our next star.

[37:06] Wait, she was in Panic Room?

[37:07] She was the daughter.

[37:08] No, that's Jodie Foster, you're thinking of.

Dan McCoy

[37:10] No, you're thinking of the mom.

Elliott Kalan

[37:11] Jodie Foster played someone's daughter.

[37:13] Yeah.

[37:13] Every woman is someone's daughter, Dan.

[37:15] Remember the next time you get in a lap dance, you perv.

[37:18] Anyway, here's the problem also.

Dan McCoy

[37:20] I mean, my wife is also someone's daughter.

[37:22] I don't see what that...

[37:22] Whoa!

[37:23] Whoa!

Elliott Kalan

[37:23] Dude, why did you go there?

[37:24] That's crazy.

[37:25] That's horrible.

[37:26] But I don't...

[37:27] I just don't understand.

[37:28] Oh, you know what?

[37:28] You're kicked out.

[37:29] What?

[37:30] Yeah, I know it's the purge and all gross things are legal.

Stuart Wellington

[37:32] You don't need your Flophouse house keys, but...

Elliott Kalan

[37:34] Guys.

[37:35] Let's change the Flophouse locks.

[37:36] I can change.

[37:38] So, even if the premise doesn't hold together, if the movie was suspenseful...

[37:42] Yeah, it's a center hold.

[37:43] ...or thrilling or scary, it would be a different story.

[37:48] We wouldn't care.

Stuart Wellington

[37:49] If John Carpenter had made this crazy movie.

Elliott Kalan

[37:51] If John Carpenter had made it, as you said, when I watched the movie, they have a great baseline.

Stuart Wellington

[37:55] There'd be a sick baseline.

[37:56] The setup would take way longer.

[37:58] Like, he would put way more effort into the setup, which is what this movie doesn't do.

Elliott Kalan

[38:01] He'd build up the characters, but also, the setup would be longer, but the scare stuff would be longer, too.

[38:07] Yeah.

[38:07] Like, there's a lot of filler in this movie, and it's like...

Stuart Wellington

[38:10] It's a lot of, like, shots from the robot baby camera.

Elliott Kalan

[38:13] Yeah, just wandering around.

Dan McCoy

[38:14] Well, yeah, the filler would be clever banter, like Howard Hawks-esque banter, rather than just, like, wandering halls.

[38:21] Yeah.

[38:22] And there's scary movies about wandering halls, like House of the Devil.

Elliott Kalan

[38:26] It's an incredibly scary movie that's mainly just a woman wandering around a house for, like, an hour.

Stuart Wellington

[38:31] With no obvious threat.

Elliott Kalan

[38:33] But it's really frightening.

[38:34] And the first moment when you...

[38:36] To spoil something.

[38:37] The first moment when, like, there's evidence that there's someone else in this house is incredibly scary because they've built up this tension that's so scary beforehand.

[38:47] But in The Purge, they don't really do any of that.

[38:49] You know, it's just kind of, like, pretty straightforward.

[38:51] There's nothing scary.

[38:52] There's nothing...

[38:52] There's no cool scenes.

[38:54] There's no horrifying scenes.

[38:56] There's no...

Stuart Wellington

[38:56] And there's not enough effort made to make the killers seem like actual people and not crazy cartoon characters.

[39:03] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[39:05] I think that we're hitting our time limit on The Purge.

[39:09] I'm just saying, this movie should have been purged.

[39:11] Now...

[39:12] It's totally scarifying.

[39:13] Two thumbs up.

[39:14] There are...

[39:14] I mean, I think...

[39:15] Hey.

Stuart Wellington

[39:15] Okay.

[39:16] I was just gonna say it's unfair not to give it a couple...

[39:18] Like, there's a couple okay character moments.

[39:21] There's a couple...

[39:22] I don't know, but it's...

[39:23] No, it's...

[39:23] I mean, it's not the worst movie.

[39:25] It's not ATM.

Dan McCoy

[39:25] You saved this for the fucking thing that I was about to do, which was Final Judgments.

[39:29] Sorry, Boston.

[39:30] We tell him to give up his keys and he gets so mad at us.

[39:33] You don't need to stop...

[39:35] All we did was...

[39:36] You don't need to stop me progressing to Final Judgments to give you your Final Judgment.

[39:39] All we did was call you a perv and kick you out of the club and suddenly you're mad at us.

Stuart Wellington

[39:42] What I was trying to say is this is the time...

[39:44] No, no, no.

[39:44] Part of the movie where...

[39:45] Wait.

Elliott Kalan

[39:46] This is the part of the podcast where we say if the movie was scarily snoring...

[39:50] No, that's not it.

[39:51] Spookily sleepy.

[39:52] Oh, you're doing it all wrong.

[39:53] Or horrifyingly bad good.

Dan McCoy

[39:56] This movie...

[39:56] Or if it was moonblood good.

[39:58] Totally scarifying.

[40:00] Totally snorifying.

[40:01] Or frighteningly funny, Stuart.

Stuart Wellington

[40:06] Totally snorifying, I guess.

[40:08] I don't know.

[40:09] You're like, I don't understand these stupid bullshit categories.

[40:11] I would probably say it's totally snorifying.

[40:14] As I said, this is a really stupid premise.

[40:16] It would be great if John Carpenter did it.

[40:18] And it's not completely devoid of...

[40:20] It's not the worst movie in the world.

[40:21] No.

[40:21] But it's still not very good.

[40:22] There's occasional moments that are shot well.

[40:25] And that kid looks so cool with those fucking sunglasses on, man.

[40:28] If it was called Shades Kid.

Dan McCoy

[40:31] It is not this...

Stuart Wellington

[40:32] Just keep that kid away from those sunglasses.

Dan McCoy

[40:34] I say this is totally snorifying.

[40:36] And I'm harder on it than you.

[40:37] Because it is a stupid premise.

[40:39] But it's stupid in the way that like...

[40:41] Oh, this could be fun if it was done the right way.

[40:43] Like, if you buy into the premise, then if the movie is well done, it could be fun.

[40:48] But the movie is the most rote.

[40:51] Like, we're gonna have a bunch of people acting like crazy psychos.

[40:55] Even though the clever thing about this is like...

[40:58] They don't have to.

[40:59] Yeah.

[40:59] They're normal human beings.

Stuart Wellington

[41:01] All they need is one shot of making...

[41:03] Like, watching them all...

[41:04] I don't know...

[41:05] Smoke grass?

[41:07] Do angel dust?

[41:08] Whatever the kids do.

Elliott Kalan

[41:09] Whatever they like to do.

[41:10] Well, it's similar to...

[41:11] There's that scene in Prometheus where...

[41:12] Is that something?

[41:13] There's the scene in Prometheus where the biologist and the geologist start touching the alien that they obviously shouldn't touch.

[41:20] And they're acting all loopy.

[41:21] And it's like, well, all they needed was a shot that showed them smoking pot.

[41:24] And the scene would make total sense.

[41:25] But they either cut that shot out or didn't include it.

[41:28] But here's the...

[41:28] My problem with The Purge ultimately is...

[41:30] This premise doesn't need the Purge framework.

[41:33] If you had a movie where a family gives refuge to somebody who's bloody and on the run.

[41:41] And there's a team of killers outside who want him.

[41:43] And say, we're going to come in and take him and kill you if you don't give him up.

[41:46] Like, you don't need the...

[41:47] It's not reliant...

Stuart Wellington

[41:48] It's like a basic Western premise kind of...

[41:50] Basically, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[41:51] But it's not reliant on the Purge framework.

[41:53] So if you're going to introduce this idea of a night when all crime is legal, make it a story that's reliant on that.

[41:58] You know, like, that really needs that to happen.

[42:00] Because otherwise, what you're doing is not making the point you want to make.

Stuart Wellington

[42:03] You know?

[42:04] And not just like a bad, like, Hunger Games meets Home Invasion story.

[42:08] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[42:08] It's basically like Panic Room meets Hunger Games.

[42:11] You know?

[42:11] And that's...

[42:12] If you're going to do that...

[42:13] At least with the Hunger Games, they're doing things in it that you can't do in a world where there's no crazy government that has Hunger Games.

Stuart Wellington

[42:20] And at least with Panic Room, it's tense at moments.

Elliott Kalan

[42:23] Yeah.

[42:24] But like, if I was going to do...

[42:25] At least you had David Fincher behind the camera.

[42:27] So I'd do totally snorifying.

[42:28] But if they did the Purge 2 and they gave it to, like, a better director...

[42:33] Wong Kar Wai.

[42:34] Yeah.

[42:35] Have Wong Kar Wai direct it.

[42:36] Robert Town write it.

[42:38] And you know what?

Dan McCoy

[42:39] It should star...

Elliott Kalan

[42:41] Is it too late to get the dead Dashiro Mifune to be in it?

[42:45] Now that's a movie I'd see.

[42:46] Purge 2.

[42:47] But like, I think they're going to do a sequel because this movie made a ton of money for its budget.

[42:52] And do a movie where, like, you couldn't have this story unless it was a world where crime is legal for 12 hours.

Stuart Wellington

[42:57] Yeah.

[42:57] I don't know if they didn't, like, just didn't have the budget and didn't want to spring for shots of places other than this one nice subdivision.

Elliott Kalan

[43:05] But even then, like, if the movie was just about their neighbor's turn on them, that would be a different story.

[43:11] It should be about that.

[43:12] Not this crazy preppy group, you know?

Dan McCoy

[43:14] All right.

[43:14] Well, now is the time and the podcast where we read letters from listeners.

Elliott Kalan

[43:19] Oh, that's cool.

Stuart Wellington

[43:20] It's called the Flophouse Movie Mailbag.

[43:21] It's usually unheralded by anything, right?

Elliott Kalan

[43:23] No, usually it just kind of happens.

Stuart Wellington

[43:25] And there's no sort of letters from listeners.

[43:28] Jesus Christ.

Elliott Kalan

[43:29] Listening with letters.

[43:30] So I'm already delayed this.

[43:32] Write us some words and we're going to read them.

[43:35] You're going to see that we're going to read them.

[43:39] Oh, but you'll hear it.

[43:40] You won't really see it.

[43:42] But we'll read them.

[43:43] Read them.

[43:44] Read your letters.

[43:47] Letters is taped before a live studio audience.

[43:50] Boop, boop, boop, boop.

Dan McCoy

[43:50] Music doesn't seem to match the song at all.

Stuart Wellington

[43:55] Sit letters, sit.

[43:55] Good letters.

[43:56] Do you guys hear that fat bass line coming from somewhere?

[44:00] Fat.

[44:00] Is John Carpenter in the room?

[44:02] It's like something out of a dream.

Elliott Kalan

[44:04] Is the director of The Fog in here?

Dan McCoy

[44:09] So this first letter is from Brian, last name withheld.

[44:14] Austin Green.

[44:15] It's titled The Original Castle Freak.

[44:17] Dearest Floppers.

[44:19] Floppers.

[44:19] Thank you, Dan, for uttering greatest truth.

[44:21] I have to admit that during the stolen episode, when you mentioned that Nicolas Cage is the original Castle Freak, I had a Kaiser Soze moment where everything became clear.

[44:29] Let me explain.

[44:30] Let me explain.

[44:30] Both Nicolas Cage and the Castle Freak come from royalty of sorts, whether it be duchess or film royalty.

[44:37] Nicolas Cage turned his obsession with Elvis Presley into sexual attraction for the king's daughter, Lisa Marie Presley.

[44:42] Just like the freak, Giorgio's obsession with his brother, Jeffrey Combs, becomes sexual with his blind daughter.

[44:48] Both are unable to run properly.

[44:52] Moonstruck Cage cuts off his own hand in a brake slicer, and the Castle Freak rips off his own thumb to get off the shackles.

[44:59] The thumb looks like a ding-dong.

Elliott Kalan

[45:02] According to some, the thumb looks...

[45:03] It might have been a hand ding-dong.

[45:05] We don't know that.

Stuart Wellington

[45:05] Legend tells of a thumb that looks like a ding-dong.

Dan McCoy

[45:07] The Castle Freak befriends...

[45:08] My mother always told me of a thumb that looked like a ding-dong.

[45:11] The Castle Freak befriends a prostitute, just like Mr. Cage, in Leaving Las Vegas.

[45:16] The freak loves to physically assault women, but not as much as Nick Cage in Wicker Man.

[45:21] Face Off lets us know that the Nicholas...

[45:22] No, the Nicholas Cage.

[45:24] Whoa.

[45:25] Face Off lets us know that Nicholas Cage can eat a peach for hours.

[45:28] However, the Castle Freak has shown he can eat a girl out for just as long.

[45:32] And to seal the deal, we all know that the freaks...

[45:34] Of the freaks ding-dong-ness.

[45:37] Also, it has been well established that when Nicholas Cage turns into Ghost Rider's spirit of vengeance,

[45:41] his ding-dong disappears.

[45:43] But he can still pee fire.

[45:44] Well, he says, meaning both of them have to form their hands into a cylinder to pee in a stream.

[45:49] I've made my case.

[45:50] Yours in flop.

[45:50] Ryan, last name with help.

Stuart Wellington

[45:52] It's all so clear.

[45:53] I think I'm gonna throw up.

Elliott Kalan

[45:56] Okay.

[45:57] Really?

[45:57] Because of the thing that you brought up over and over again?

Stuart Wellington

[45:59] He brought it up.

[46:00] The Nicholas Cage-ass Castle Freak.

[46:03] Not, I'm gonna throw up because of the movie Castle Freak.

[46:05] That movie's fucking radical.

Elliott Kalan

[46:06] Okay.

[46:07] I misunderstood.

[46:08] Chill out.

Stuart Wellington

[46:10] Yeah, I believe you went to the...

[46:11] Slow your roll.

Dan McCoy

[46:12] Why are we on each other?

[46:13] We're at each other's throats tonight.

Elliott Kalan

[46:14] It's almost like the purge is getting to us.

Dan McCoy

[46:16] I believe you went to the Full Moon Features booth at New York Comic Con.

[46:20] At New York Comic Con.

[46:21] Yeah, booth 666.

[46:23] What?

Stuart Wellington

[46:24] And I made a couple of purchases, and I got my picture taken a bunch, and they were really

[46:28] nice over there.

Elliott Kalan

[46:29] Like, because you were passing bad checks?

[46:32] No, I got...

[46:33] So they took your picture to put it up next to the register?

[46:34] It was weird.

Stuart Wellington

[46:34] Just people stopped by, were taking pictures of Stuart from the Flophouse, purchasing Castle

[46:40] Freak Blu-rays, handing them out.

[46:43] I'm like, you should check this movie out.

[46:45] This dude rips off his own dick.

[46:46] It's crazy, man.

Elliott Kalan

[46:46] And they're like, actually, he doesn't.

[46:48] Hi, I'm Mr. Moon from Full Moon Entertainment, and I'm Richard Full.

[46:51] And we're here to say that he does not rip off his own ding-dong.

[46:54] And I was there checking my watch, like, is the purge on yet?

Stuart Wellington

[46:57] Can I murder this fucking clown?

Dan McCoy

[47:00] How much time till the purge?

[47:02] This next letter is from...

[47:03] 22 years.

[47:04] This letter's from Ian, last name withheld.

[47:08] Zering.

Stuart Wellington

[47:09] Oh, that's Ian Zering.

[47:10] Ian Zering.

[47:10] I fucked that up.

[47:11] Okay.

[47:12] Erase that part.

[47:12] Rewind.

Dan McCoy

[47:13] Okay.

[47:14] By the way, the end of the email says, P.S.

[47:17] If Elliot said anything other than McKellen, please give him a slow motion high five.

[47:21] But Elliot said nothing, so he gets no high five.

[47:23] Oh, for Ian McKellen.

[47:24] Yeah, okay.

[47:25] But, uh...

Stuart Wellington

[47:26] I take your high five and throw it in the dust.

[47:30] This email's titled...

[47:31] With my hopes and dreams.

Elliott Kalan

[47:33] It's like a frat noir novel, a high five in the dust.

Dan McCoy

[47:37] This is titled, I Need an Answer.

[47:39] Dear Elliot, Stuart, Housecat, Dance, Couch, and Den, in no particular order.

[47:43] The couch gets a question?

[47:45] Couch cat!

[47:46] I recently learned about your podcast when I read an old coffee-stained Entertainment Weekly

[47:50] and saw you on the must list.

[47:52] Your reverent quips have made my bus and train rides much more enjoyable.

[47:55] Thanks, Ian.

[47:56] But I have a burning question.

[47:58] Since the moment I first heard your theme song, what do you folk wear while podcasting?

[48:03] As little as possible.

[48:05] I've always assumed Elliot wears either a three-piece suit and a fedora.

[48:09] I wish.

[48:10] Or a Gambit-esque suit of purple armor.

[48:12] Why would I wear the clothing of the man I hate the most?

[48:14] With which he is in a love-hate relationship.

[48:16] Okay, that's why.

[48:17] Stuart podcasts in He-Man for a thong.

[48:20] Sure.

[48:20] Dan, of course, wears a tube of knee-length beige fabric with armholes cut out.

[48:24] On a scale from you hit the nail on the head to you couldn't be more right, tell me how right my guesses were, please.

[48:30] Plus minus.

Elliott Kalan

[48:31] I'm going to choose C.

[48:33] No.

[48:34] We wear regular street clothes, except for the times when Stuart gets up to use the bathroom

[48:39] and comes back wearing a tiny bathing suit, which he hasn't done in a long time.

Stuart Wellington

[48:42] That's just for you guys, though.

[48:43] Yeah, that's not for the people.

[48:44] To get you in the mood for podcasting.

[48:46] We wear clothes.

[48:47] Podcasts.

[48:47] It's a radio show on the internet.

Elliott Kalan

[48:49] Speaking of clothes that we might wear, where would we buy shirts from that we wear?

Dan McCoy

[48:53] Oh, sure.

[48:54] You can go to astoymerchandise.com and buy Flophouse t-shirts.

[49:00] Just imagine we're all wearing Flophouse t-shirts.

[49:02] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[49:03] Yeah, with our faces on them, and we're looking at our own faces when we talk to each other.

[49:07] Yeah.

[49:07] Like we're talking to ourselves.

Dan McCoy

[49:09] Yeah.

[49:09] And we're caressing them.

[49:11] Sure.

[49:13] Hey, little Elliot Head.

Elliott Kalan

[49:14] Hope you're enjoying the Flophouse.

Stuart Wellington

[49:16] Thanks for saving that, Dan.

[49:17] I thought I was being weird.

[49:20] So, thanks for that question.

Elliott Kalan

[49:22] Thanks for the question.

[49:23] We wear regular clothes.

[49:24] We're all hands.

Dan McCoy

[49:25] This is from L.

[49:28] Nick Pearson.

[49:30] Well, actually, I'll give the full name because we've talked about it before.

[49:32] L. Kennedy, author of the Killer Instincts and Out of Uniform series.

[49:35] Oh, yeah.

[49:36] That's right.

[49:37] Nice to have you back, L.

[49:38] She says...

[49:39] Long-time listener, second-time writer.

[49:41] Hey, floppers.

[49:43] It's titled A Title for Elliot.

[49:44] Hmm.

[49:45] I was so...

[49:46] The Baron.

[49:47] I was so excited when you read my letter on the Nicolas Cage episode.

[49:51] In my humble opinion, that's the best episode to be acknowledged on.

[49:56] But she has words for you, Elliot.

[49:57] Elliot.

[49:58] Elliot.

[49:58] The Millionaire Cop and Mom-to-Be is a great romance title.

[50:01] I'll give you that.

[50:02] But I can beat it.

[50:04] Pregnesia.

[50:05] What?

[50:06] Fortunately, this is not one of my Harlequin titles, but I adore the author who wrote it

[50:09] and who was a good support about the title.

[50:12] Is there any other title that encapsulates the contents of a book but also does it in the

[50:15] most insane way?

[50:16] I dare you to find it, sir.

[50:18] It's a condition, I think.

[50:19] I think the only one...

Stuart Wellington

[50:20] I don't think that's the main character's name.

Dan McCoy

[50:22] No, she includes a link to the Amazon site for Pregnesia, and it appears to be about

[50:29] a pregnant lady who was in a car accident and, of course, has amnesia after that, and

[50:33] the man who needs to protect her against mysterious forces.

[50:36] Right.

[50:36] Yeah, I guess so.

[50:37] It wasn't like a car baby.

Elliott Kalan

[50:40] No, no.

[50:40] The baby's not half car, I assume.

Stuart Wellington

[50:42] It's like Crash?

[50:43] Yeah, like Goldbug from...

[50:45] Wait.

[50:46] What?

[50:46] Wait.

[50:47] Herbie the Love Bug?

Elliott Kalan

[50:48] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[50:48] The Goldbug is an Edgar Allan Poe story.

[50:51] Yeah.

[50:51] With a racist character in it.

Elliott Kalan

[50:53] Well, the character's not racist, but the depiction of him is.

[50:55] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[50:57] So Herbie the Goldbug?

[50:58] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[50:59] Is that like how at the end of Short Circuit 2, Johnny Five has an all-gold body when he's

[51:04] taking the oath of allegiance to be a citizen?

[51:06] Yeah, he's been upgraded.

[51:07] That's after he takes out the low coat.

[51:08] Wait.

[51:09] He bought it from William Devane.

[51:11] It's a cool body.

[51:13] Pregnesia is a pretty great title.

[51:15] I would say even crazier in summing it up would be a book that someone posted a link to

[51:21] on the Flophouse Facebook page, which it was a series of books, one of which is of course

[51:26] called Abraham Lincoln Ninja Fuckmaster.

[51:28] And these are e-books only.

[51:30] And they seem to be 15 page porn action stories about Abraham Lincoln in which he fights the

[51:35] emperor of Japan on the moon and has sex with a lot of ladies.

Dan McCoy

[51:38] So this is your new jail material is what you're saying?

Elliott Kalan

[51:41] Jail material?

[51:42] Jail?

Dan McCoy

[51:43] Jailo?

[51:43] Jailo.

Elliott Kalan

[51:44] Yeah, Jailo would be good as Lincoln, I guess.

[51:46] Oh, God.

Dan McCoy

[51:47] Also, I want to just tell...

Elliott Kalan

[51:49] And no, I would not masturbate to a story about Abraham Lincoln having sex on the moon.

Stuart Wellington

[51:54] Jailo means jack off.

[51:55] That's what you meant by that.

[51:57] Yeah.

[51:57] That makes way more sense.

Elliott Kalan

[51:58] He's speaking in his perv code that you don't understand.

[52:01] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[52:02] She finishes her letter.

[52:03] Okay, dudes, keep up with the great work.

[52:04] Love you guys.

[52:05] One day I'll base a romance character on each of you.

[52:07] Stuart can be a ladies' man bartender.

[52:10] Unlikely.

[52:11] Elliot can be a witty intellectual.

[52:12] And Dan, of course, would be the brooding hero who was probably tortured during his time

[52:16] in the military.

[52:16] Sure.

[52:17] And he's a sweet lady with a nice ass.

[52:19] Preferably someone's wife.

[52:20] To reawaken his tormented heart.

Stuart Wellington

[52:23] And that character would probably wear some kind of a trench coat or...

Elliott Kalan

[52:26] Oh, yeah, with nothing underneath.

[52:27] Super creepy.

[52:28] Never anything underneath.

Dan McCoy

[52:29] And he wears it on airplanes.

[52:31] It's weird.

[52:32] You're pronouncing the word sexy creepy.

[52:34] That's strange.

Elliott Kalan

[52:36] No, no, I'm using the word creepy.

Stuart Wellington

[52:38] It's a regular spin-a-rooney.

[52:40] So, we have more letters.

Elliott Kalan

[52:41] Both of you guys had ladies.

[52:43] It was implied we're involved with ladies in that one.

[52:45] But what was I just like...

[52:46] You're a witty intellectual.

[52:47] You're like a...

[52:48] You're a Nick Charles type.

[52:49] So, I'm like the...

[52:50] Okay, well, he's a lady.

[52:52] One of the best ladies.

[52:53] What?

[52:54] You're bi-optional.

Stuart Wellington

[52:55] Bi-optional?

[52:56] Yeah, you have the option to be with man or woman.

Dan McCoy

[52:58] I've never heard of that before.

[53:01] I mean, everyone's bi-optional.

[53:03] Okay, okay.

[53:04] When you think about it.

[53:04] Trademark Stewart.

[53:05] I just made that up.

Elliott Kalan

[53:07] The option exists.

[53:09] I'm attracted to you with an option to buy.

Stuart Wellington

[53:12] Not in my household.

Elliott Kalan

[53:14] Anyway, Dan.

[53:16] Speaking of sexy and creepy.

[53:17] I'm looking forward to this Flophouse romance novel.

[53:19] You can still call it the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[53:21] The last letter continues the theme.

[53:25] What theme was that?

[53:26] It's from Emma O...

[53:28] O apostrophe last name withheld.

[53:32] Okay.

[53:33] Sorry.

Stuart Wellington

[53:34] Wait, what?

Dan McCoy

[53:35] Emma O last name withheld.

[53:36] Yeah, an Irish name.

[53:37] Yeah.

[53:37] Okay.

[53:39] And it's titled, I'm sorry, Dan.

[53:41] Mr. McCoy, the other night I had a rather interesting dream.

[53:45] You were involved.

[53:46] It started off fine, but then...

[53:48] I'm getting a beer.

[53:48] ...progressed.

[53:50] What I'm saying is I may or may not have serviced you in a way that I shouldn't...

[53:53] That shouldn't have been appropriate for Stewart to stick around and watch.

[53:56] Did that happen in the dream?

[53:58] Which he did.

[53:59] He looked vaguely intrigued by the goings-on, but not overly enthused.

[54:03] Not really sure where Elliot was.

[54:05] Good news is...

[54:06] Once again, I'm left out of the sex dream.

[54:09] Good news is you're two whole years shy of the incident being dream statutory, so you

[54:13] don't have to go to dream jail or anything.

[54:15] Don't worry, Dan.

[54:15] You were a perfect gentleman.

[54:17] Just thought I should let you know not all flop dreams center around Elliot and Stewart.

[54:21] Oh, and I love the podcast.

[54:22] I found it through another podcast, and I sort of left them for you guys.

[54:25] For better or for worse, I think my REM cycle has answered that question.

[54:29] P.S.

[54:29] The Woody Allen impressions.

[54:30] I feel like they come up a lot in this podcast.

[54:32] Not sure why.

[54:33] I fucking love it.

[54:34] You and Elliot make a wonderful tag team.

[54:36] Both of you tripping over each other to be heard, so it sounds like I'm listening to

[54:38] Stereo Woody Allen.

[54:40] Meanwhile, Stewart's in the background trying to find a way to hang himself.

[54:43] The ATM episode had the best and longest performance, and I almost fell off my bed laughing.

[54:47] You should work them into every episode.

Stuart Wellington

[54:50] Now, did you mean like I was going to hang myself with a belt or that I was trying to

Elliott Kalan

[54:53] hang with you guys?

[54:56] I think that you wanted to kill yourself because you were hearing us doing Woody Allen impressions.

[55:00] I like the idea of Stereo Woody Allen, which would be like his smooth jazz album or something.

[55:06] I mean, he does Dixieland jazz.

Stuart Wellington

[55:08] So, the nice thing about that sex dream is that you were involved with somebody, not me

[55:13] or Elliot.

[55:13] Yeah.

[55:13] That's weird.

Dan McCoy

[55:14] We can all appreciate that.

[55:15] I can't.

[55:16] I wasn't there.

[55:16] I'm confused.

[55:17] I guess I appreciate watching Dan do the nasty.

Stuart Wellington

[55:20] No, I don't want to see that.

Dan McCoy

[55:21] You want to be like, Stewart, you want to be a fucking voyeur?

[55:23] What's going on?

[55:23] No, I don't.

Stuart Wellington

[55:25] Literally a fucking voyeur.

Dan McCoy

[55:27] The only problem I have with this email, honestly, is that it's titled, I'm sorry, Dan.

[55:31] I don't know what she has to apologize for.

[55:33] First off.

Stuart Wellington

[55:34] Honestly, this is the sexiest words in the English language.

[55:37] I'm sorry, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[55:39] I think in all of the time that we've done this podcast, that's probably the letter that's

[55:43] made me feel the best about myself.

[55:44] Dan, just watch out.

[55:45] I think you're going to be catfished.

[55:46] What?

[55:48] It's a catfishing bro.

[55:49] It's a 40-year-old obese man in Minnesota.

[55:54] That's what you're saying.

Stuart Wellington

[55:54] For those listening, I think catfished is a cultural reference and not a weird sex there.

[55:58] It's not a sex term.

[55:59] No, no.

Dan McCoy

[56:00] For those who want to know what catfishing is, watch the first five minutes of our friend

[56:06] Sarah Schaefer's show, Nicky and Sarah Live, where they appear to be contractually forced

[56:10] to recap catfish, their lead in.

[56:13] Oh, blomer.

[56:14] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[56:15] Well, I guess what I'm saying is, Dan, you finally lost it.

[56:19] You did it.

[56:20] You did it.

[56:20] You're a man, though.

[56:21] I lost my dream chair, you guys.

[56:23] Don't say it that way.

[56:24] I don't like that.

Dan McCoy

[56:25] So, this is the part of the podcast where we recommend a movie that we actually liked

[56:30] in contrast to, say, The Purge.

[56:32] And being Shocktober, I say, why not a horror movie?

[56:36] So, let me start for once.

[56:38] For once.

[56:38] Okay.

[56:38] I mean, you often start.

[56:39] For God's sake.

Stuart Wellington

[56:40] Oh, he's trying to get in on whatever you're going to recommend.

[56:43] No, I...

[56:43] I know he's going to recommend something different.

Dan McCoy

[56:45] My lovely wife, for our anniversary, got me the Blu-ray collection of universal horror

[56:51] movies.

[56:52] And?

[56:53] And there was...

[56:54] Oh, and she also got me Mondo Sleazo, a collection of exploitation film trailers.

Elliott Kalan

[56:59] She does know you.

[57:00] Yeah.

[57:01] She knows there's two sides of you.

[57:02] The sleazy side and the side that likes monsters.

Dan McCoy

[57:05] Yeah.

[57:06] And those are the only two sides.

[57:09] But I watched the only movie on the universal horror set that I had not seen before, which

[57:15] was the 1943 Claude Rains version of Phantom of the Opera.

[57:19] Now, we're all familiar with the silent Lon Chaney version of Phantom of the Opera, which is rightfully

[57:23] known as the best of them.

[57:25] The best of the Phantoms.

[57:26] But the Claude Rains one.

Stuart Wellington

[57:27] Even with that dumb scene where...

[57:28] Not as good as Phantom Menace, though.

Elliott Kalan

[57:31] The Phantom Menace of the Opera.

Stuart Wellington

[57:33] The Claude Rains one.

Elliott Kalan

[57:34] Queen Amidala.

[57:36] We are living in the basement of an opera house.

[57:39] Is that a Gungan?

[57:40] No, it's not a Gungan.

[57:41] It's the Trade Federation.

[57:43] Misa, burn half my face.

[57:45] Okay.

[57:46] Misa, could I have a mask on?

[57:47] That's a Gungan.

Dan McCoy

[57:49] I'm just saying, the Claude Rains one is worth a look.

[57:52] It's shot in beautiful Technicolor.

[57:55] Claude Rains is always great to see.

[57:59] Who's the singer in that?

[58:02] Is that...

[58:03] Jewel.

[58:04] No, there's like...

[58:05] Fuck.

[58:06] The main character is...

[58:07] Selena Gomez.

[58:08] The main character is a crossover opera star in a period of history when there was such

[58:15] a thing.

[58:15] Salacious crumb.

[58:15] As a crossover opera star.

[58:20] Oscar Mayer.

[58:22] Oshkosh.

[58:22] God damn it.

[58:23] Shut up.

[58:24] I'm not even gonna try anymore.

[58:26] Max Rebo.

Elliott Kalan

[58:27] Mario Lanza.

[58:28] It was like Eddie Arnold or is that a...

[58:32] Edward...

[58:32] Eddie Arnold was a country star and Edward Arnold was an actor.

[58:35] The two different guys, but...

Dan McCoy

[58:36] I can't remember who.

Elliott Kalan

[58:37] It was a man opera singer?

Dan McCoy

[58:38] Yeah, there was a male opera singer.

[58:40] Mario Lanza?

Elliott Kalan

[58:41] No, that's a little early for him.

Dan McCoy

[58:42] Hold on.

[58:44] Of the opera...

[58:46] God damn it.

[58:48] This is so...

[58:48] I should have looked this up beforehand, huh guys?

[58:49] This is getting really weird.

[58:50] Should we fill the time?

Stuart Wellington

[58:51] So how you been, Elliot?

[58:52] So Stuart, I'm good.

[58:53] How about you?

[58:54] How you been?

[58:54] Hey, I can't really complain.

[58:56] It's the end of Shocktober.

Elliott Kalan

[58:57] Yeah, it's set.

[58:58] Well, kind of.

[58:59] I mean, Shocktober for Flophouse, but Halloween is still in the future.

[59:02] Okay, hold on.

Stuart Wellington

[59:02] Speaking of Halloween, everybody should head on down to Charlene's Bar.

[59:04] Nelson Eddy.

Dan McCoy

[59:05] Nelson Eddy.

Stuart Wellington

[59:06] I gotta finish this promotion, though, real quick.

[59:08] So head on down to Charlene's Bar on October 31st for Charloene, a Halloween party where

[59:14] one or more floppers will be in attendance and in costume.

[59:19] Okay, back to Dan.

Dan McCoy

[59:20] All right, well, this is the longest recommendation, but Nelson Eddy.

[59:22] Nelson Eddy, yeah.

[59:23] Put the best, right?

[59:24] An actual opera star and a crossover film star in a time that that was not crazy to think

[59:30] of.

Elliott Kalan

[59:31] Back when an opera star could be on the cover of Time magazine.

Dan McCoy

[59:34] Yeah.

[59:35] And this is an interesting Phantom of the Opera because it really emphasizes the opera

[59:38] side of it.

[59:39] Like, you actually think, like, oh, this is taking place in an opera house.

[59:43] But it has these beautiful technicolor opera scenes.

[59:46] What operas do they do?

[59:48] I think they're mostly made-up operas, actually.

[59:50] Oh, okay.

[59:51] But also in a weird...

[59:53] The opera in Citizen Kane, Salombo.

[59:55] Mm-hmm.

[59:55] In a weird bit of casting, Fritz Lieber plays Franz Liszt in it.

[1:00:03] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:04] Wait, Franz Liszt is in it?

Dan McCoy

[1:00:05] Yeah.

[1:00:06] As a character?

[1:00:06] Yep.

[1:00:07] But if you're a fan of Farfoot and the Grey Mouser, you can see...

[1:00:12] What he looked like in real life.

[1:00:13] What he looked like in real life, which is a crazy white-haired guy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:17] So this has been a very long recommendation for the lesser-known Phantom of the Opera movie.

[1:00:23] So enjoy it, fans.

[1:00:25] Fans-tum of the Dan Opera.

[1:00:28] Of the Flopper.

[1:00:28] Yeah, Flopper.

[1:00:29] Fans-tums of the Flopper.

[1:00:30] Oh, man.

[1:00:30] I can't believe you didn't do that right.

[1:00:31] Oh, I'm just so tired from hearing Dan's recommendation.

[1:00:35] Stuart, would you like to go next?

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:36] We had a whole purge during that time.

[1:00:38] Yeah.

[1:00:38] Sure.

[1:00:39] So I...

[1:00:41] We should purge this part of the podcast.

[1:00:42] Boom.

[1:00:43] I regularly recommend movies I've already recommended.

[1:00:48] Don't...

[1:00:49] Don't stop me, guys.

[1:00:50] I know I do this.

[1:00:51] Don't stop you now?

[1:00:52] You're having a good time?

[1:00:53] You're having a ball?

[1:00:53] So, for one, I would like to say...

[1:00:55] Streaking through the sky like a diamond.

[1:00:58] Because it's...

[1:00:59] Diamonds?

[1:01:00] Streaking through the sky.

[1:01:02] Well, if you throw them.

[1:01:03] Okay.

[1:01:04] Because it's Shocktober, I always recommend going out, if you haven't seen it, going out and

[1:01:08] seeing the original Night of the Demons.

[1:01:11] It's my favorite Halloween scene horror movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:13] Now, you don't mean Night of the Demon with Dana Andrews.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:16] No.

[1:01:17] I'm talking about...

[1:01:17] Also known as Curse of the Demon.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:18] Said Croons gave him the runes.

[1:01:20] No, the...

[1:01:20] But passing them to use lots of skill.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:23] Sorry.

[1:01:23] Wait.

[1:01:24] What?

[1:01:25] Okay.

[1:01:25] So, Night of the Demons.

[1:01:26] Totally...

[1:01:27] Night of the Demons.

[1:01:28] Totally check it out.

[1:01:28] Not the remake with Tiffany Shephas.

[1:01:31] Though, she's got a great butt.

[1:01:32] You should see that.

[1:01:33] Wow.

[1:01:34] Don't see...

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:34] So, you're recommending a movie and a butt.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:38] No, but I'm also recommending...

[1:01:39] The purviest podcast we've had in a while.

[1:01:40] What I would really like to do is recommend...

[1:01:42] Thanks for the purge.

[1:01:43] What I would really like to do is recommend a horror movie called The Granny, which is my

[1:01:49] other favorite horror movie of all time.

[1:01:52] Right behind Castle Freak, Head of the Family, Invisible Maniac, etc.

[1:01:55] It's about a killer Granny Smith Apple.

[1:01:58] It is about a...

[1:01:59] Wait.

[1:02:00] No, no, it isn't.

[1:02:00] It's a movie about a granny who, in the search for eternal life, instead becomes a monster

[1:02:06] and murders her evil family.

[1:02:09] Oh, so she's the hero.

[1:02:10] Oh, totally.

[1:02:12] All because she misuses the power of the, I think, Me Chow, Queech?

[1:02:16] I don't remember.

[1:02:17] It's some kind of bullshit.

[1:02:18] There's magic swords.

[1:02:19] There's an evil granny monster.

[1:02:21] There is a lot of hilarious nudity, including...

[1:02:25] Hilarious nudity.

[1:02:26] One of my favorites.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:28] What does that have to...

[1:02:30] It would be like someone takes their pants off and you hear...

[1:02:32] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:33] It'd be like...

[1:02:34] Like a lady has her breasts and she's just juggling them.

[1:02:37] I mean, that's pretty hilarious.

[1:02:38] And also very sexy.

[1:02:40] So, it also has my favorite example of a movie where you take a beautiful woman, put her

[1:02:49] in a ponytail and give her glasses and you're like...

[1:02:52] Everybody around her is like, you're so plain and boring and gross, but she's got the

[1:02:56] frilliest panties when you see her naked later.

[1:02:58] Well, all right.

[1:02:59] Let's move on.

[1:03:00] So, what is that...

[1:03:01] Who's playing now, Dan, is what I'm saying.

[1:03:04] I don't know.

[1:03:05] So, the granny and Night of the Demons, watch them both back-to-back double feature at

[1:03:09] my house later.

[1:03:10] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:11] I've never been creeped more out by us.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:13] Yeah.

[1:03:13] I'm not...

[1:03:14] Can I go to a different podcast?

[1:03:16] Sure.

[1:03:16] Anyway, can you have to read them and weep or something?

Dan McCoy

[1:03:19] Yeah.

[1:03:19] You'll now appear on Stuff You Should Know.

[1:03:22] That's your new podcast.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:23] Why don't we have the same listenership as This American Life?

[1:03:26] Because we're a bunch of pervy creeps.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:31] That's why.

[1:03:32] I'm sure Ira Glass is a pervy.

[1:03:34] Somebody doesn't parade it through the podcast.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:36] I like to imagine someone describing our podcast to another person.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:40] It's a bunch of pervy creeps and they talk about movies.

[1:03:43] They talk about movies and women's butts for an hour.

[1:03:48] So, I'll make my recommendation.

[1:03:50] I'd actually like to recommend two movies.

[1:03:52] One real quick.

[1:03:52] You probably saw it already.

[1:03:54] But a movie called Gravity, which is not a traditional horror film.

[1:03:58] But I found very scary in that the concept of being adrift in space is incredibly frightening

[1:04:03] to me.

[1:04:04] And having no contact with the earth and nothing to tether you to reality, basically.

[1:04:09] But Gravity is in the theaters now.

[1:04:10] You probably saw it already.

[1:04:11] It's the number one movie in the country.

[1:04:13] So, I'll recommend another movie.

[1:04:15] It's another classic 30s horror film.

[1:04:18] Not universal, but close.

[1:04:21] Called Mad Love with Peter Lorre.

[1:04:23] Directed by Carl Freund.

[1:04:25] You probably know best from directing The Mummy and being the photographer for Metropolis.

[1:04:30] And a number of other great German films.

[1:04:32] The Mummy Returns?

[1:04:32] No.

[1:04:33] The Mummy from the 30s.

[1:04:35] And also...

[1:04:35] Scorpion King?

[1:04:36] Strangely enough, went on to be the director for, I think, a third or more of the episodes

[1:04:41] of I Love Lucy when it was first on TV.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:43] This is one of the family of Hands of a Murderer films, right?

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:47] It is.

[1:04:47] Peter Lorre's...

[1:04:48] Well, the weird thing is...

[1:04:49] So, it's about a...

[1:04:51] It's partly about a...

[1:04:53] I forget if he's a penis or a surgeon who loses his hands in a train accident and a

[1:04:59] doctor replaces them with the hands of a murderous knife thrower.

[1:05:02] But that's not even the scary part of the movie.

[1:05:04] It's kind of incidental to the rest of the movie.

[1:05:06] It's more about Peter Lorre, this mad surgeon who's obsessed with an actress to the point

[1:05:12] that he has, like, a mannequin of her that he talks to and he wants to possess her.

[1:05:16] And she's married to this guy who loses his hands and he replaces with the killer's hands.

[1:05:20] But Peter Lorre is super frightening in it as this bald surgeon.

[1:05:25] And being bald makes him that much creepier.

[1:05:27] There's a scene where he dresses up in this weird metal-like body brace to frighten the

[1:05:32] husband.

[1:05:32] And it's super creepy and scary.

[1:05:35] And it's just a strange-like movie that's also beautifully shot because Greg Tolland worked

[1:05:41] on it.

[1:05:42] Carl Freund, who knew a thing or two about shooting, obviously worked on it.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:45] You may remember Greg Tolland, of course, from Citizen Kane, pioneer of the deep focus.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:50] Citizen Kane, Grapes of Wrath, Best Use of Our Lives, a number of great movies.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:54] You were talking about mummies earlier.

[1:05:55] There's no mummies in this one, right?

[1:05:56] There's no mummies in this, no.

[1:05:57] Just scary, severed hands?

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:00] Well, it's not even...

[1:06:01] And scary Peter Lorre.

[1:06:01] It's like body parts.

[1:06:02] It's more scary Peter Lorre.

[1:06:03] The severed hands are not the scariest part.

[1:06:05] But there's a lot of great character actor bits in it.

[1:06:07] And I won't go into too much detail because we're running late.

[1:06:10] But Peter Lorre is super scary.

[1:06:11] Mad Love, the 30s one.

[1:06:13] Not the Drew Barrymore, Chris O'Donnell Mad Love.

[1:06:16] Which is also scary, but in a different way.

[1:06:17] In a different way.

[1:06:18] But I recommend this one.

[1:06:19] It's kind of a...

[1:06:20] Zing you, Chris O'Donnell.

[1:06:21] Take it down a couple notches.

[1:06:22] Take that, star of NCIS, Las Vegas.

[1:06:24] Take that, Robin.

[1:06:25] Is that it?

[1:06:25] Los Angeles?

[1:06:27] Take that, Scent of a Woman, man.

[1:06:32] But...

[1:06:32] Scent of a Woman.

[1:06:33] Scent of a Woman.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:34] Take that, Circle of Friends.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:37] Take that...

[1:06:39] What was the...

[1:06:39] The Bachelor?

[1:06:40] You guys are doing great.

[1:06:42] So, Mad Love, it's an under-seen 30s horror movie.

[1:06:44] Surprisingly deep catalog.

[1:06:45] Go see it, Mad Love.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:48] Before we go, we should remind people, we have a contest going on.

[1:06:54] The Make a Music Video for He's the House Cat.

[1:06:59] Or as we've liked to call it, He's the House Cat.

[1:07:03] Parentheses to Arthur's theme.

[1:07:06] But...

[1:07:06] Created by me and Alex Smith.

[1:07:08] Copyright Alex Smith.

[1:07:09] There is now...

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:10] Buy it now for 55 cents.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:11] Yeah.

[1:07:12] There's now green screen footage.

[1:07:13] Build our mansion.

[1:07:14] Of Elliot, Stuart, and I.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:17] Just kind of cavorting around like...

[1:07:18] And Haley.

[1:07:18] Along with the lovely and talented Miss Hallie Haglund.

[1:07:21] We're all like cavorting around like goofs.

[1:07:23] Yeah.

[1:07:24] In front of a green screen.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:25] Doing silly stuff.

[1:07:26] Silly yuck-em-ups in front of a green screen for you to excise and use as you see fit for

[1:07:32] this music video.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:33] To make a music video for He's the House Cat, Arthur's theme.

[1:07:37] And Dan, what can people win in this contest?

Dan McCoy

[1:07:39] People can win the right to choose a film for us to review on the show.

[1:07:44] Use it wisely.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:46] With great power comes great responsibility.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:48] They'll also win a t-shirt.

[1:07:50] And I don't know.

[1:07:50] Wear it responsibly.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:51] Maybe we'll finish...

[1:07:52] Like a flop house t-shirt.

[1:07:53] Not just like a t-shirt.

[1:07:54] Maybe we'll...

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:54] No, no.

[1:07:54] It's an enormous Johnson t-shirt.

[1:07:57] Who knows?

[1:07:58] Maybe we'll figure some...

[1:07:59] It's a go-and-dangin volleyball t-shirt.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:00] It's a knock-off big Johnson shirt.

[1:08:02] Yeah.

[1:08:03] You get it in Cancun or something?

Dan McCoy

[1:08:05] It says Cancun in the bottom, too.

[1:08:08] But I'm gonna...

[1:08:08] I'm gonna...

[1:08:09] I'm gonna say...

[1:08:10] With Bort Simpson.

[1:08:12] It's a bootleg Bart Simpson t-shirt or he has dreads.

[1:08:17] I'm gonna say get your entries in to us by December 1st.

[1:08:21] I'm gonna give you a little extra time on this because it involves actual filmmaking.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:25] We're at December 1st.

[1:08:26] And then are we gonna select a couple that are gonna be voted on or something?

[1:08:29] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:29] I would say get them in by December 1st.

[1:08:31] And then we'll select some finalists for fans to vote on to get the ultimate prize.

[1:08:36] Which is...

[1:08:37] Which is our respect.

[1:08:38] Our respect is the ultimate prize.

[1:08:40] The other stuff is...

[1:08:41] So not immortality.

[1:08:43] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:44] Not all the money that would come with winning the transnational road race in Death Race.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:49] So get those entries in.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:51] Have fun.

[1:08:52] Don't have too much fun.

[1:08:54] I'm just kidding.

[1:08:55] Have too much fun.

[1:08:55] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:55] Just keep inserting our faces in the...

[1:08:57] Your mother and I will wait up.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:58] Don't do anything we wouldn't do.

[1:08:59] But seriously, your curfew is two.

[1:09:02] Throw them up...

[1:09:02] I know it's prom night.

[1:09:03] I know it's prom night.

[1:09:04] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:05] So be back by two.

[1:09:06] But it's a night for memories to happen.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:07] No.

[1:09:08] It's also purge night.

[1:09:09] I don't know why they scheduled a prom for purge.

[1:09:11] That's crazy.

[1:09:11] Why would they do that?

[1:09:12] Because now all prom is legal for one night.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:15] Okay.

[1:09:15] But no condoms, right?

[1:09:16] One last thing.

[1:09:17] I mean, it's not a crime, but yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:18] Once you have your music video, throw it up online.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:22] This is super pervy tonight.

[1:09:23] What's wrong with us?

Dan McCoy

[1:09:25] Send...

[1:09:25] It's a fucking purge.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:26] It's not a sexy movie at all.

[1:09:28] Maybe the least sexy one.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:29] I'm trying to finish up the last little bit of business, guys.

[1:09:31] ATM was pretty sexy.

[1:09:33] Send us a link to your video.

[1:09:35] To the video.

[1:09:35] At theflophousepodcast at gmail.com.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:39] So just to do it quick, make your video.

[1:09:43] Due date is December 1st.

[1:09:44] We're going to choose our finalists, and then you, the listeners, will vote.

[1:09:48] Yeah.

[1:09:48] And whoever wins gets to choose what movie we watch.

[1:09:51] Send us the link to the video at...

[1:09:52] What was the...

Dan McCoy

[1:09:53] At theflophousepodcast at gmail.com.

[1:09:55] And that green screen footage can be downloaded from a link that you can find at flophousepodcast.com.

[1:10:01] It's a Dropbox file, right?

[1:10:03] Yeah.

[1:10:04] So that's it.

[1:10:05] Yeah, that's pretty good.

[1:10:06] That's it for another Shocktober.

[1:10:07] It's a wrap on Shocktober.

[1:10:08] If you guys are looking for something...

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:09] If you're in New York and looking for something to do on Halloween and want to get a beer bought

[1:10:12] for you by us, come to Charlene's Bar.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:15] And if you're looking for something to listen to while you're working on that green screen video,

[1:10:18] why not try another podcast in the All Things Comedy Podcast Network?

[1:10:22] Sure.

[1:10:23] You got anything else?

[1:10:23] Sure, guys.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:24] No, that's it.

[1:10:25] Okay.

[1:10:25] And...

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:25] I got nothing.

[1:10:26] One last pervy thing to say before we go?

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:28] This movie's been...

[1:10:29] Buds.

[1:10:30] This episode's brought to you by The Purge.

[1:10:32] Go check it out.

[1:10:33] Or don't, probably.

[1:10:34] No, don't, don't, don't.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:35] Brought to you by the letter Purge.

[1:10:37] For the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:10:39] I've been Elliot Kalin.

[1:10:41] No.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:41] Waka, waka.

[1:10:42] And I'm not Stuart Wellington.

[1:10:44] Good night, everyone.

[1:10:45] Good night.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:58] I mean, I'm going to recommend Friday the 13th Part 3, Dream Warriors.

[1:11:02] Or wait, no, that's Nightmare on Elm Street.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:05] Freddy's Dead, the final Friday the 13th.

[1:11:08] Good one, dude.

[1:11:12] That was almost as good as one of my stuttering jokes.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:15] I recommend Jason X, Freddy in space.

[1:11:19] So...

[1:11:19] Leprechaun 5, Jason Voorhees, Freddy...

[1:11:22] Wait.

[1:11:23] Hold on.

[1:11:24] Wait, let me go back to the beginning.

[1:11:26] Leprechaun in the Friday the 13th.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:27] Dr. Voorhees, PhD.

[1:11:30] It's a medical drama starring Jason.

[1:11:33] But he's a PhD for some reason.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:35] So he's not a wise...

[1:11:36] Thank you.

The Flop House: Episode #137 - The Purge

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