The Flop House: Episode #137 - The Purge

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss The Purge, not the Lifetime movie about bulimia, the one with Ethan Hawke.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:41] Hey Dan, what's going on, man?

[0:43] No, no, no.

[0:43] Classic.

[0:44] It's Elliot over there.

[0:46] It is. It's me, Elliot Kalin, and over at Rockin' Mike No. 2...

[0:48] Over in this corner, it's Stuart Wellington.

[0:50] Stuart Wellington.

[0:51] Cool guy on the prowl.

[0:53] Wait, are you on the prowl?

[0:54] What are you on the prowl for?

[0:55] I'm on the prowl for scary movies.

[0:57] Cue sound effect.

[0:59] We don't have any sound effects.

[1:01] Chain rattle, chain rattle, chain rattle.

[1:03] Boogans, boogans.

[1:05] Bone squeak, bone squeak.

[1:07] Flap, flap, I'm a bat, flap.

[1:09] E-O.

[1:11] Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

[1:13] All aboard.

[1:15] Chicka, chicka, chicka, chicka, chicka, chicka.

[1:16] All aboard the scare train.

[1:18] Chain mail, chain mail, chain mail.

[1:20] Wait, what?

[1:20] Freaky door.

[1:22] I've already lost track.

[1:26] This is a podcast.

[1:28] Sound effect of the moment when you're young and you realize you'll die someday.

[1:33] Spookums.

[1:36] Spookarino.

[1:38] That's got a little bit of Latin flavor.

[1:42] West Coast style.

[1:43] So this is the Flophouse Podcast.

[1:45] I'm Elliot Kaelin.

[1:47] I'm Dan McCoy.

[1:48] No, no, okay, we did this already and you're wrong.

[1:50] So what we do in this podcast is we watch a bad movie and then we chat about it with you.

[1:57] Well, not with you, because you can't chat back.

[1:59] But at you.

[1:59] I mean, you can if you want.

[2:00] Well, in a way, we could say that they are very rudely eavesdropping on a conversation between three friends.

[2:05] Sure.

[2:06] Unless you feel bad.

[2:07] Or maybe you feel turned on.

[2:10] Wait, what?

[2:11] Your ear voyeurs.

[2:12] We just made it sexy all of a sudden.

[2:13] Because seduction is the ultimate sexiness.

[2:16] Yep.

[2:17] So, this is the second episode in Shocktober.

[2:23] Shocktober!

[2:24] 2013 official Shocktober.

[2:27] 2013. A.D.

[2:29] The scariest type of year.

[2:33] The D stands for death.

[2:34] Not really, no, it doesn't. It stands for

[2:37] Domini. That means death, right?

[2:39] No, it means Lord.

[2:40] It's our Lord. Not mine

[2:43] though.

[2:43] Spooky. He's Jewish.

[2:47] I reject

[2:49] the divinity of Christ

[2:51] like a

[2:53] one pile

[2:54] or a frankenstein's monster or a rabbi oh so you're saying we're monsters is that it damn

[3:04] i'm sorry i can say that i'm both jewish and a monster it's okay for me to say it hey guys what

[3:09] what if what if woody allen was one of those monsters like wait wait wait

[3:12] hello my name is woody allen i'm totally well i had such a piece of cake this one time

[3:20] Reminds me of a

[3:21] All these people's relationships

[3:23] So weird, Josh

[3:25] Okay, that's more of a Woody Allen thing

[3:26] I don't know why the cake would come out

[3:27] Yeah, the first thing was more like

[3:28] I'm a naughty little boy

[3:30] I had so much chocolate cake

[3:33] When no one was looking

[3:34] More sweets, please, Nana

[3:35] Mmm, yummy

[3:36] Kiss me, Woody Allen

[3:38] Yeah, you guys are great

[3:40] The sassiest boy child in the world

[3:42] Ich bin America's favorite neurotic

[3:45] There was a sketch I wanted to do years ago

[3:49] about a character named Woody

[3:51] Allensweigen, who was Nazi Germany's

[3:53] favorite comedian, but he's just

[3:55] Woody Allen. It was just an

[3:57] excuse to do Nazi jokes in a Woody Allen voice.

[3:59] Terrible.

[4:00] Terrible, but funny. I think you need written permission

[4:03] from your parents to do those?

[4:05] Yeah, so the school can let me do it.

[4:07] Yeah. So, what

[4:09] Shocktober delight did we listen to

[4:11] tonight? Well, we listened to

[4:13] an old radio show.

[4:15] We did nothing but listen to Arch Older's

[4:17] It was a war of the worlds.

[4:20] The classic Orson Welles broadcast.

[4:22] I love the first half of that broadcast.

[4:25] Second half when it gets super scary

[4:27] and it hides under the covers.

[4:28] We watched a movie called

[4:32] The Purge.

[4:34] The Purge. Government shut down.

[4:36] Yeah, it was really timely.

[4:38] Now, while you're listening to this,

[4:40] the government will hopefully not be shut down anymore.

[4:42] America's in ruins.

[4:43] A deal has been struck, I believe.

[4:46] Yeah, but right now it's still shut down, and that's kind of timely with this movie where America, after an unexplained period of being in shambles, has clawed its way back to economic strength, peace, prosperity, and low crime rates through the institution of the purge.

[5:05] Okay, that sounds ominous.

[5:06] One night a year when all crime is legal.

[5:09] Does that include murder?

[5:11] Yes, as the government announcement made on television says.

[5:14] Explicitly says.

[5:14] All crimes, including murder, are legal.

[5:17] I believe up to murder.

[5:18] And I don't think that they, like.

[5:19] Murder is the high point.

[5:19] I mean, what would be higher than that?

[5:21] Treason?

[5:22] I don't think that.

[5:23] Yes.

[5:23] And treason is not legal on The Purge.

[5:25] Although maybe, I don't know.

[5:26] It seems like maybe the government didn't need to announce that that includes murder

[5:31] because it seems like that's the only crime anyone's interested in in this movie.

[5:34] Well, yeah, that's true.

[5:36] You don't see any looting.

[5:37] You don't see any raping.

[5:39] Thank you.

[5:39] There's no thieving.

[5:40] We don't see any thieving.

[5:41] We don't see any jaywalking.

[5:43] No littering.

[5:44] There's some property destruction.

[5:45] No one tears the tags off of mattresses.

[5:48] It's not actually against the law.

[5:49] And from considering some of these performances, I'm assuming drug use is...

[5:54] Oh, I thought you were talking about stealing the show.

[5:57] Chewing the scenery.

[6:01] Nobody opens a business in a residentially zoned district.

[6:06] Nobody drives a truck without a Class D license.

[6:09] Hilarious what they did during the purge.

[6:11] It's like, all right, we've built this business.

[6:12] We've waited to open it until the purge.

[6:15] And then we're going to get grandfathered in.

[6:17] The cops pull someone over who's driving.

[6:20] This license says you need glasses.

[6:22] Not tonight, copper.

[6:23] You can't touch me.

[6:26] I'm scot-free.

[6:29] That's my name.

[6:30] Somebody orders a giant submarine sandwich and the guy preparing it takes the latex gloves off.

[6:35] Whoa.

[6:36] Well, that's company policy.

[6:37] That's not a law.

[6:38] You can be fired for that.

[6:39] That's at the single white female place.

[6:42] There's a scene with people just tearing their hairnets off.

[6:45] No, that's Hand that Rocks the Cradle is the movie that opens with a guy taking latex gloves off.

[6:49] Okay.

[6:50] This is the latex gloves cast.

[6:53] Every time I take latex gloves off, that's what I think of.

[6:56] Really?

[6:56] I think of a movie where Ernie Hudson plays a slow clown.

[6:58] Why are you wearing so many latex gloves?

[7:00] Because I think of mad scientists with rubber gloves on.

[7:04] Like surgical gloves.

[7:05] I always think that I am a gynecologist about to horribly do something to somebody.

[7:11] Okay, terrible.

[7:12] There's a terrible insight into you.

[7:14] It's Shocktober, dude.

[7:15] You're shocking me.

[7:17] All rules are off.

[7:18] Through some sort of unexplained purge effect, crime is low and unemployment is low.

[7:22] It seems mainly because so many poor people are killed during the purge.

[7:27] They kind of dance around saying that the rich kill the poor during the purge, and that's how America has regained its strength.

[7:33] I mean, all right, I'm already taking issue with the stupid premise of this movie.

[7:38] I haven't gotten to the dumb part of the premise.

[7:39] This was instituted by a mysterious government group called the New Founding Fathers,

[7:43] and everyone's super religious about it.

[7:46] They keep saying, blessed be the New Founding Fathers, and it's like, yeah, we got it.

[7:51] You don't have to hit us over the head with the right-wing whatever, like, cartoony stuff.

[7:55] Like, just make it a purge.

[7:57] They don't have to be religious fanatics who love the Founding Fathers.

[8:00] But also, for the purposes of this movie, I'm willing to buy, like, you know, you talk about having, like, a big buy in movies.

[8:06] Like, I'm willing to buy the premise.

[8:07] Like, I would be willing to buy the idea of, like, okay, crime rate is low because we have crime one night a year.

[8:14] But once you get into, like, and where economic prosperity is back because we've got crime, like, that is totally not so.

[8:20] Well, even the idea that crime is down, you know, people give gifts other nights than Christmas.

[8:24] Yeah.

[8:25] Just because there's one gift-giving night doesn't mean you don't get gifts other nights.

[8:28] Just because Valentine's Day comes once a year

[8:30] doesn't mean no one has sex other nights.

[8:31] Sure, but now...

[8:33] Hold on.

[8:33] But if you save it up till Valentine's Day...

[8:35] We're a room full of married guys over here.

[8:37] But killing the poor doesn't suddenly solve

[8:39] all of our economic problems.

[8:40] That just means that...

[8:41] I believe there's a Dead Kennedys song

[8:43] that says otherwise.

[8:44] It means that suddenly there's no one

[8:46] willing to work low-wage jobs.

[8:48] Yeah, it does seem like you would immediately

[8:50] lose your labor pool.

[8:51] Yeah, there's going to be robots running all...

[8:52] Now, if they introduced robots

[8:54] other than the burnt baby doll

[8:56] attached to a

[8:57] robot truck

[8:58] I can only assume

[8:59] that that is just

[9:00] the tip of the

[9:01] robot iceberg

[9:02] that this movie

[9:02] is hinting at

[9:03] a robot iceberg

[9:04] some sort of

[9:05] robo-berg

[9:06] floating around

[9:07] murdering titanics

[9:08] ice bot

[9:12] but one night a year

[9:14] is legal

[9:15] alright so

[9:16] we've danced around it

[9:17] we should get into

[9:18] the more

[9:18] detailed synopsis

[9:20] so the movie

[9:21] opens with

[9:22] like a

[9:23] credits roll

[9:24] explaining that

[9:26] the purge

[9:26] that explain the purge and the economic prosperity

[9:29] instead of, of course, showing us this.

[9:32] The thing is, it doesn't need it

[9:34] because later on there's the emergency broadcast thing

[9:37] that totally explains what the purge is.

[9:39] I think it's so they don't want people

[9:40] to sit down in the theater and be like,

[9:42] what the fuck movie am I watching?

[9:43] I thought I was watching Here Comes the Boom.

[9:45] There is a...

[9:46] I thought I was watching Here Comes the Purge.

[9:48] But this isn't Ice Purge, the animated film.

[9:51] With Ray Romano? He's hilarious.

[9:55] I thought I saw Purge-a-tar.

[9:56] You know, they go to another planet and they purge things.

[9:58] So I guess here's a common thread we've seen in a lot of bad movies in this podcast,

[10:04] which is explaining the premise of the world right at the top

[10:08] so that every moron in the audience gets it right away.

[10:12] Including these three morons?

[10:13] Yes, including us three morons right here sitting with our dumb microphones being stupid.

[10:17] With a mouth full of Popeyes.

[10:19] Hey, hey, hey, guys, the microphones aren't dumb.

[10:22] Sorry, sorry, microphones.

[10:24] But it seems like almost every movie or book or TV show set in, like, another world is better when it allows you to discover the rules of the world.

[10:35] Like, just look at any good episode of The Twilight Zone.

[10:37] It's very rare that Rod Serling just comes out in the beginning and says, like, by the way, this is a world where people live on another planet.

[10:45] It's not Earth.

[10:46] But you'll find out they go to Earth at the end.

[10:49] Or, like, here's –

[10:50] Those aren't masks.

[10:51] They're all monster faces.

[10:53] Well, they become monster faces after they put the masks on.

[10:56] But wait, what?

[10:56] Spoiler alert for a Twilight Zone episode.

[10:58] We're like, look, submitted for your approval.

[11:01] A world where beautiful is the norm because people change their appearances, but one girl thinks otherwise and she'll be proved wrong at the end.

[11:10] Oops, did I spoil it?

[11:12] Welcome to the spoiling zone.

[11:13] Like, it seems like nothing is made better by having it explained to you at the top.

[11:19] And people would point to maybe, what, like Star Wars?

[11:21] But that tells you almost nothing at the top.

[11:24] It tells you that there's bad guys and some rebels are fighting them,

[11:27] and that's about it, and that a Death Star exists.

[11:29] But anyway.

[11:31] Yeah, but I mean, like, I think you brought up the example

[11:33] of the movie version of the Golden Compass.

[11:35] Yeah, that's the main one for me.

[11:36] Telling you everything about it, whereas in the book they don't tell you about it.

[11:39] In the book, it's this.

[11:40] It evolves like a beautiful onion.

[11:41] It looks like, it's like, yes.

[11:43] Well, I would say more like a flower unfolding and blossoming.

[11:46] Not an evolving onion?

[11:48] No, not an evolving onion.

[11:49] An onion that, I guess, walks on hind legs and gets thumbs.

[11:53] Yep, and learns to use rudimentary tools.

[11:56] But anyway, the plot of The Purge.

[11:57] So we see a lot of people getting ready for The Purge,

[11:59] which seems to mainly involve putting flowers in front of their house,

[12:02] which I didn't understand what the point of that was.

[12:04] And sharpening machetes.

[12:05] Yeah, a lot of standing in the yard, sharpening up your machetes.

[12:08] And now we're in a wealthy neighborhood where Ethan Hawke,

[12:11] a seller of security systems for homes,

[12:14] is joining his wife, Lena Headey, the villain from Dread.

[12:19] Yeah, sure, that's where you mostly know her from.

[12:22] That's the most recent thing I saw her in.

[12:24] Okay.

[12:25] What else does she do?

[12:26] She's Cersei Lannister in Game of Thrones.

[12:27] Oh, yeah, that's right.

[12:29] Sarah Connor from the TV Sarah Connor Chronicles.

[12:31] Oh, I forgot she played Sarah Connor in the Sarah Connor Chronicles.

[12:34] Terminator TV, as I call it.

[12:35] When you're talking to your wife about Terminator TV?

[12:39] Yeah, when are they going to bring back Terminator TV?

[12:41] She's like, ah, always with the Terminator TV.

[12:44] I mean, I'm just saying they jumped to that other dimension at the end.

[12:47] What happened?

[12:48] So the –

[12:52] People are hanging out.

[12:52] I actually didn't know she played Cersei because I don't watch the Game of Thrones series.

[12:55] Me neither.

[12:56] So she doesn't have a yellow wig.

[12:57] Ethan Hawke has made a fucking mint even though –

[13:00] Ethan Hawke's made –

[13:01] There's this one night a year when people need security.

[13:03] Well, Ethan Hawke's – but you really need it.

[13:06] Yeah, that's true.

[13:06] Ethan Hawke's made bank.

[13:07] Anything goes.

[13:08] He's selling security to everybody on his block, and the people in the neighborhood are not happy about it.

[13:14] And one of the women says to Lena Headey, oh, we kind of – she basically comes out and says, we hate you because we all bought security from you and then you built this huge addition on your house.

[13:24] Here, have some cookies.

[13:25] They say the neighbor – yeah.

[13:26] And she disappears for a minute – for most of the movie and you're like, she's going to come back and try and kill him, right?

[13:29] She has to come back because they hate her.

[13:31] Those cookies have like shurikens in them or something.

[13:33] Well, it's just like the – it's like the – was it Praline Surprise or something like that in the Monty Python chocolate sweetmeat sketch?

[13:40] The spring surprise?

[13:41] Yeah.

[13:41] Two sharp springs.

[13:43] Plunge through the cheeks.

[13:44] It wouldn't be a surprise.

[13:47] We use only the finest Iraqi frogs.

[13:50] Anyway, Monty Python, look it up.

[13:54] It's good stuff.

[13:54] Yep.

[13:55] But everyone's getting ready for the purge.

[13:57] Ethan Hawke has two kids, a teenage girl who wears a Catholic schoolgirl's outfit through the whole movie.

[14:03] And you think that we're pervazoids for bringing it up, but this is clearly like fetish wear.

[14:08] She is wearing the full blouse with a necktie and short.

[14:13] And the skirt without the shorts under the skirt that girls actually wear in real life.

[14:19] All she's missing is like a katana and a tentacle raping her.

[14:22] Am I right, guys?

[14:23] Okay.

[14:23] Not where I was going.

[14:24] No.

[14:25] No, wait.

[14:25] No, thank you.

[14:26] I'm going to go to more of a Britney Spears place.

[14:27] Rewind it.

[14:28] No, Rewind it.

[14:29] Don't tell Rewind it.

[14:31] Talk about fetish wear.

[14:34] What?

[14:34] I don't know.

[14:36] Don Cheadle.

[14:37] You know what, Stuart, baby?

[14:38] Open that Coors Light faster so you can put the Coors Light in your mouth and not say these crazy things.

[14:42] Not my feet?

[14:42] Yeah, exactly.

[14:43] Take your feet out of your mouth and put some delicious Coors Light in there.

[14:46] I think that's their new catchphrase.

[14:47] You get 16 ounces to get through.

[14:49] So, Coors Light, please give us some money for that advertisement.

[14:52] Take your feet out of your mouth and put some delicious Coors Light in there.

[14:56] Hey, Stuart, take your feet out of your mouth.

[14:58] People implying that the people who drink your beer are weird tentacle fetishists who find Hotel Rwanda sexy.

[15:04] I'm glad that you're making judgment calls on tentacle fetishists.

[15:08] you're right

[15:10] because my fetish

[15:10] of human women

[15:12] who have sex with men

[15:12] is really crazy

[15:14] my naked lady fetish

[15:16] is really weird

[15:17] I was watching

[15:18] I did watch a scene

[15:19] from Possession

[15:20] on earlier today

[15:21] so what you're suggesting

[15:22] is that

[15:23] if today was a purge

[15:24] I would be within my rights

[15:25] to totally just purge you

[15:26] all over the place

[15:27] yeah you could just

[15:27] kill me all over

[15:28] so anyway

[15:29] they have a son

[15:30] who is

[15:30] who is like

[15:32] a cool dude

[15:32] he's a sunglass

[15:34] most of what we know

[15:35] is he wears

[15:36] these super cool

[15:37] black shades

[15:38] that are hooked up to a camera that he put into a remote-controlled device.

[15:42] It's a remote-controlled car tank that he put a half-burnt baby doll on.

[15:47] It's a baby from Toy Story.

[15:49] It looks like one of Sid's monsters from Toy Story, the first one.

[15:52] Yeah.

[15:53] But whenever he uses it, he puts on these cool shades,

[15:57] and there's so many shots of just this kid sitting there,

[15:59] no expression on his face, sunglasses on.

[16:01] It looks like he's pretending to be Tom Cruise or something.

[16:04] He's getting ready for a Maxell commercial.

[16:06] But the thing is, it allows him to initiate the mind-machine interface.

[16:10] Yeah, exactly, yeah.

[16:12] I mean, it's super simple.

[16:13] He's neuromancing, yeah.

[16:14] So even though the purge is starting, sexy daughter has her boyfriend.

[16:19] Her boyfriend, who's an older guy, but by like a couple years, they both seem like high school students.

[16:25] I think they're both in high school.

[16:27] In the movie, they're in the high school.

[16:29] They're in the high school.

[16:30] In the high school.

[16:31] The kids in the high school these days, am I right?

[16:34] Well, with the learning and the books.

[16:35] Yeah, they're going to purge HS.

[16:37] Later on, they go to purge you.

[16:39] And that's the other thing.

[16:39] The son is like, we learned about the purge in history today.

[16:43] And it's like, all right, let's stop right there.

[16:44] That's at most what, 10 years of history?

[16:47] And this is, they set up a nation where everything is about the purge.

[16:52] Like, all anyone talks about is the purge.

[16:54] And I know the purge is that night.

[16:55] But on Christmas.

[16:57] I mean, it's the name of the movie, dude.

[16:58] On Christmas and Halloween, people talk about other things.

[17:01] They're mainly talking about when he goes to jail.

[17:03] Whether or not there's the part where he's chewing on the pen when he's in the jury duty box.

[17:07] Oh, that's pretty hilarious, dude.

[17:07] And at the end when he has electricity powers.

[17:09] Which is really amazing.

[17:11] That was the best turn of movie history.

[17:13] I think so.

[17:14] That was the audition of Ernest movies.

[17:16] Wes Craven's shocker Ernest.

[17:17] I didn't think he was going to turn into a superhero at the end.

[17:19] But everyone talks about The Purge.

[17:22] America is all about The Purge.

[17:24] They love it.

[17:24] Everything on TV and the radio is about The Purge.

[17:26] Yeah, but they've put this Purge into place pretty fast,

[17:29] considering how not far in the future this movie is supposed to be.

[17:32] It's become a real Hallmark holiday.

[17:33] Yeah.

[17:34] No.

[17:35] It's everywhere.

[17:36] Oh, the purge.

[17:37] That's just another excuse to sell greeting cards and kill people.

[17:39] But so they're all getting – Ethan Hawke is like, we're all going to sit at home.

[17:44] Like every year, we're just going to close the metal barriers and watch TV because on TV, they just air random surveillance footage of people getting murdered all over the country.

[17:54] Sure.

[17:56] And it's one of those things also where you're like, let's say I buy the premise that one night a year, crime is okay, and a large number of people get involved.

[18:04] I don't think everybody in the country is going to want to watch it on TV.

[18:08] Like, they'll probably just want to stick with the regular CBS lineup.

[18:11] Yeah, but I mean, you know.

[18:12] They probably don't have an option.

[18:13] It's probably preempted.

[18:15] It might just be.

[18:15] Though I would think that they're missing out on a lot of primo bucks from advertisers, right?

[18:19] Yeah, yeah.

[18:20] Yeah, their networks hate it.

[18:22] Economic superiority, I don't think so.

[18:24] You can probably turn to PBS and watch John Tesh at Red Rocks or something.

[18:28] That's true.

[18:29] Oh, that'll get me in the mood to purge.

[18:32] There's a thing that used to happen in Soviet Russia where whenever there was trouble, like in the 80s,

[18:36] and I think in the 70s, when there was trouble in the country, like protests,

[18:40] they would just air, or if the head of the party had died,

[18:45] they would just run the same performance of Swan Lake over and over again on TV.

[18:50] And so I wonder if John Tesh at Red Rocks is like that in the Purge universe, where we're like, something big must be going on.

[18:55] Red Rocks is on.

[18:56] Yeah, it's opaque for the masses.

[19:00] It's piano in a beautiful canyon setting.

[19:04] So anyway, the Purge.

[19:07] There's not much of a plot in this movie.

[19:08] No, there isn't.

[19:09] Ethan Hawke.

[19:09] Well, that kid's in the house is important to know.

[19:12] Ethan Hawke shuts down the thing, and they're all hanging out.

[19:15] The family does not really get along.

[19:17] We have one of those family dinner scenes where Ethan Hawke is like, kids, be serious.

[19:22] Tell me about your day.

[19:23] Stop giving each other dabs.

[19:25] And the kids are like.

[19:26] The kids do give each other dabs.

[19:27] And the boy kid's like, dad, why the purge?

[19:31] And Ethan's like, the purge is important.

[19:33] It's necessary.

[19:34] It's what made our country great again.

[19:36] But you and mom don't purge.

[19:37] Yeah, but if we wanted to kill people, we would.

[19:40] We just don't want to.

[19:41] Okay.

[19:41] Then a guy starts running into the neighborhood, a black guy.

[19:45] He obviously bloodied on the run, going, help me, help me.

[19:48] And homeless, right?

[19:49] Well, we find out he's homeless, but he doesn't look homeless.

[19:51] Help me, someone save me.

[19:53] Like, he doesn't have, like, bags for shoes.

[19:55] So he's like a John Rambo-style homeless.

[19:58] He doesn't walk into the neighborhood and goes,

[20:00] I'm sorry to ruin anybody's purge.

[20:03] I am homeless.

[20:04] I'm just looking for safety and maybe a sandwich.

[20:07] Please, God bless you, if anyone can help me.

[20:09] You can let me into your house or give me some food.

[20:12] And then he shuffles through down the neighborhood.

[20:13] Anybody?

[20:15] Anybody?

[20:16] And then when nobody gives him anything, he goes to the next neighborhood.

[20:19] He checks his iPhone.

[20:20] That's Elliot Kalin.

[20:21] Elliot Kalin being heartless about the homeless.

[20:24] Come on.

[20:25] I give to the homeless all the time.

[20:27] All right.

[20:28] A lot of my commutes are interrupted by homeless people or mariachi bands.

[20:32] I'd much rather be confronted with a homeless person than a mariachi band in the morning.

[20:35] A hand up, not a hand out.

[20:38] The worst.

[20:38] That's what Elliot always does.

[20:39] The worst is homeless mariachi bands.

[20:41] They have to pawn their instruments so they just make the noises with their mouths.

[20:45] so sad wow that kind of stuff instead of shaking maracas they shake bottles of their own urine

[20:53] it's terrible it doesn't really get the same sound terrible i mean are you getting dan when

[20:58] you shake a bottle of your urine does it make like a sound like yeah because i'm paying peas

[21:04] oh boy dan your bladder should not be turning food into peas

[21:09] I mean, it started out as peace, so I shouldn't end up as peace.

[21:13] Hold on a second.

[21:14] It shouldn't even go in there.

[21:15] Okay, if anyone's a urologist, please write in.

[21:19] So let me go through the rest of this.

[21:20] Call in right now.

[21:21] The minimal plot in this.

[21:21] So this homeless guy runs out.

[21:23] Please, can anyone help me?

[21:23] And everyone's ignoring him except the son feels bad for him.

[21:27] He feels compassion.

[21:27] Disarms the house.

[21:29] The homeless guy runs in.

[21:30] His greatest weakness.

[21:30] Ethan Hawke's like, what are you doing?

[21:32] Puts the shutters down on the house again.

[21:34] And then a team of cartoonishly preppy, evil – it's like a bunch of college kids who watched American Psycho too many times stroll up in their preppy suits with school jackets and say, like, we were chasing that filthy, poor pig, that homeless swine.

[21:55] We're supposed to kill him for our nation's purge, and you're stopping us.

[21:59] So if you don't let him out, we're going to go in there and kill your whole family.

[22:02] yeah and it's like if the guys from funny games had sex with the joker and had a baby exactly yeah

[22:08] but i think even then a bunch of babies and the baby was like way less charismatic than anybody

[22:12] who was in funny games or heath or keith ledger as the joker i think even before that as the

[22:18] japester even before that happened though what we have is a uh a standoff like ethan hawke sees this

[22:25] uh this unkempt black man in his home he's like why did you do this and he's got his gun out

[22:30] And then the boyfriend comes downstairs and shoots at Ethan Hawke because Twist, he's the real danger, at this point in the movie at least, and wants to kill Ethan Hawke for keeping him away from his hot teenage schoolgirl daughter.

[22:42] But he didn't even sleep with her before he attempted to kill her dad.

[22:46] I would think he would try and sleep with her.

[22:47] And what's weird, though, is that you need that extra boost of confidence.

[22:52] She's taking her clothes off, and they're making out, and then he stops and is like, uh, I've got to go talk to your dad.

[22:57] It's like, I want to be really rage-filled when I confront your dad with bullets.

[23:01] Much like Jake LaMotta in Raging Bull, I like to get my libido up and then deny myself.

[23:07] So I've got that much more anger and power for the fights.

[23:10] It's like wearing a hair shirt, but for my balls.

[23:12] It's like Bull Durham.

[23:13] He feels like having sex drains his energy, and he might not be able to shoot as well.

[23:19] So he's got to have a gun target with his gun shooting.

[23:23] He looks like he's seen Bull Durham a couple times.

[23:27] Yeah, that Bull Durham look, or BDL as we say.

[23:29] Except it didn't help him with his aim as he missed

[23:31] and Ethan Hawke totally shootified him

[23:33] until he was dead.

[23:34] But that was enough of a distraction

[23:37] for the homeless guy to escape into the

[23:39] cavernous house. Into the bowels of the mansion.

[23:41] And

[23:43] for a long time,

[23:45] and the preppy kids cut the power,

[23:47] and for a long time it's just Ethan Hawke

[23:49] and Lena Headey just wandering

[23:51] through this dark house looking for this homeless guy

[23:53] and not finding him and nothing happening.

[23:55] That's what's great is this unique sense of geography

[23:58] where around every corner is just another corner.

[24:01] It's like a veritable house of leaves.

[24:04] It's non-Euclidean geometry.

[24:06] They built this thing on.

[24:07] Men have gone mad gazing on the house from The Purge.

[24:11] The daughter also.

[24:12] It's like Cyclopean forms.

[24:14] The daughter also disappears into the shadows for no particular reason.

[24:17] What are some other H.P. Lovecraft words?

[24:19] No, no.

[24:19] But the daughter leaves.

[24:21] Disappears for a long time.

[24:23] Yeah, and it would make sense.

[24:24] Into the miasma.

[24:25] It would make a little sense if she was, like, bitterly mad at her dad for shooting her boyfriend.

[24:30] But no, she, like, immediately is like, why did my boyfriend shoot my dad?

[24:34] And, like, felt bad about it.

[24:36] But there's no reason then why she should, like, slink off into the shadows.

[24:39] She had to go find herself upon the spires of Yulia, I guess.

[24:43] Yeah, she was going on a dream quest in Unknown Kadeth.

[24:47] Okay.

[24:47] Anyway, so there's...

[24:50] The point is everyone's separated.

[24:50] The point is they're all looking for this guy.

[24:52] Eventually...

[24:53] Yeah, that's the amp up the tension.

[24:55] And it's called Directing.

[24:56] Directing provided by James?

[24:59] James Demonico?

[25:00] Something like that.

[25:01] Demonico, like of Monaco.

[25:06] Or as Stuart says, yeah, say it again.

[25:08] Demonico!

[25:09] Dan?

[25:12] Dan, you don't like it?

[25:13] You seem so unhappy.

[25:14] Dan, you seem like you went into a fugue state for a second.

[25:16] Were you quantum leaping?

[25:17] I appear to be in front of some microphones, some sort of podcast.

[25:23] Must be some kind of midnight sex talk radio show.

[25:26] Anyway, I'll begin.

[25:27] So here's my craziest story.

[25:29] I was watching my two best friends have sex for some reason.

[25:33] And they had sex in a very particular way.

[25:36] I think we might have talked about the movies where they've taken a Cinemax TV show and they've cut up the scenes and made it a movie.

[25:44] And they're like, yeah.

[25:45] So a friend of mine and her boyfriend told me the craziest story.

[25:49] And then it just dissolves to a sex scene.

[25:51] Okay, two people having sex.

[25:53] It's not crazy, but also, like, how are you describing this?

[25:56] Were you there?

[25:57] Get out of my mind!

[26:00] Like, it's not a story.

[26:01] Like, there's nothing to tell.

[26:02] So then...

[26:04] There was some reverse cowgirl.

[26:06] Then he was behind her for a little bit,

[26:09] but then she was on the bottom again.

[26:11] And then she was in a space where it kind of looked like

[26:14] she was giving him oral, but it wouldn't be quite lining up.

[26:17] It didn't line up quite right.

[26:18] It looked more like she was, like, bobbing her head against his thigh.

[26:21] It's kind of like the oral sex in Orange is the New Black.

[26:24] Am I right, guys?

[26:25] I haven't watched that.

[26:25] Sure.

[26:27] Come on, Netflix originals.

[26:29] So, The Purge.

[26:31] Eventually, they're in another Mexican standoff,

[26:34] no offense to Mexicans listening,

[26:35] where the homeless man has his gun against the little boy's head.

[26:39] Or is it the daughter?

[26:40] No, the daughter's head.

[26:41] It doesn't matter.

[26:42] The little kid looks like a girl.

[26:44] Yeah, he's got long hair.

[26:45] He looks like Hanson.

[26:46] And the bad guy looks like grown-up Hanson.

[26:48] They both look like members of Hanson.

[26:49] It's a bunch of Hansons.

[26:51] And if this movie had been like Crazy Hansen, what a twist.

[26:56] What's great about that twist is they never reveal it in the movie.

[26:59] It's extra technical.

[27:01] You've got to puzzle it out.

[27:02] It's not canon.

[27:04] It's not Purge canon.

[27:05] But in your Purge fanfic, anyway.

[27:07] By the way, you can't use a canon in the Purge.

[27:09] It's a class 5 weapon.

[27:10] Yeah, you're not allowed to hire than a class 4 weapon.

[27:12] And certain government officials are considered immune to the Purge.

[27:16] Which luckily doesn't fit within the scope of the movie.

[27:19] The president is just strolling down the street while there's murder going on.

[27:22] Don't touch me.

[27:23] I'm poetry.

[27:24] He's got his president badge out.

[27:26] Look at it.

[27:28] He's wearing a sash that says president.

[27:29] One thing that I do think that we shouldn't gloss over, though, is while...

[27:35] I was just going to say, the mom sneaks up, shoots the homeless guy.

[27:38] So now the homeless guy's at their mercy.

[27:39] Anyway, what are you saying?

[27:40] But while they're waiting for the homeless guy outside, all of these evil...

[27:44] This evil gang is just doing stereotypical horror movie stuff.

[27:48] They're all wearing masks that have big smiley faces.

[27:50] Not like smiley.

[27:51] They don't look like a fat man's belly.

[27:53] This is in the middle of The Purge, mind you.

[27:55] They all look like The Mask.

[27:56] Where no one would have to wear a mask to commit a crime.

[27:58] Because it's not illegal to commit crimes.

[28:00] But it's not nearly scary enough to have a normal style.

[28:02] And they're just like staring into the surveillance cameras,

[28:06] kind of turning their heads, tilting their heads.

[28:08] And the two lady masks make out for a second for some reason.

[28:11] And they're dressed in like old-timey ghost fashion.

[28:14] One of them swings on the old-time swing set.

[28:16] It's possible that the people...

[28:18] Yeah, why do they have that fucking swing set?

[28:20] Kids don't use that shit.

[28:20] For spooky ghost shit.

[28:21] In the year 2025, swings are back.

[28:24] Oh, okay.

[28:25] Part of the purge is that people love swings again.

[28:27] Cell phone use down, baby robots and swings way up.

[28:30] This is also one of those movies, and it shouldn't bother me as much as it does.

[28:33] It's 12 years into the future, and everybody dresses exactly the same and still uses iPads.

[28:39] Like, every...

[28:40] Yeah.

[28:40] Technology and clothes are still the same.

[28:42] Just make it 2015.

[28:43] Stand still, dude.

[28:43] I guess...

[28:45] There's a brief dark age.

[28:46] So in that 12 years, they went back to barbaric times, and they've only brought themselves up to the year 2013.

[28:53] Clothes fashioned out of auto parts and street signs.

[28:57] Or as they call them, demon carriages.

[28:58] I see what you're saying.

[29:00] Do you have the black blood that feeds the demon carriages?

[29:03] I prefer that to them having fucking hovered cars all of a sudden.

[29:08] How did that happen?

[29:10] It's just like, don't say it's the year 2025.

[29:12] Moon boots, giant shoulder pads, spiky hair.

[29:15] You've got to give them some time to get this purge up and running.

[29:18] Bill and Ted's.

[29:19] Bill's and Ted.

[29:21] I'm not going to believe that they have the purge in two years from now.

[29:25] Now, 12 years from now, we're going to have a purge, guys.

[29:29] I'd start purging, too, if fashion never changed.

[29:33] What?

[29:34] I don't understand what that means.

[29:36] I'd organize a vote for a purge thing.

[29:39] Anyway, let me just finish this stupid movie real quick.

[29:43] So Ethan Hawke is going to deliver the homeless guy up to the bad guys, and they're tying him up with tape, and he's about to escape.

[29:53] So he tells Lena Headey, I can't hold him for too long.

[29:56] There's a letter opener on my desk.

[29:58] Stab him in his wound with it.

[30:00] And before this, Ethan Hawke had just hit him in the head with a vase and knocked him out.

[30:03] Why didn't they just hit him again?

[30:05] That was a priceless Ming vase, Elliot.

[30:07] They didn't want to do it two times in a row.

[30:09] So instead, his wife is stabbing him in the wound with a letter opener.

[30:13] Instead of hitting the reset button with the Ming dolls.

[30:15] The kids are horrified, except the son kind of looks like he's enjoying it.

[30:18] Yeah, he's getting out of here.

[30:19] They tie him up again, and then there's more taunting from the villain,

[30:22] and then the homeless guy says, no, save your family.

[30:24] Put me out there. Sacrifice me.

[30:27] And that, in Ethan Hawke, awakens the opposite feeling of, what am I doing?

[30:31] This is crazy.

[30:32] He refuses to send the homeless guy out.

[30:34] The preppy bad guys come in and are supposedly invading the house,

[30:38] but Ethan Hawke kills almost all of them pretty easily.

[30:40] This is a very short home invasion.

[30:42] Like, the actual home invasion part of this movie...

[30:44] Takes very little time.

[30:45] Yeah, I mean, this movie is less than 90 minutes,

[30:47] and I think the actual home invasion is probably 20 minutes of it.

[30:50] But the best part about the home invasion

[30:53] is that's when the movie cranks up the special effects...

[30:56] Oh, boy.

[30:56] ...using the art of computer technology.

[30:58] And what are those computers rendering?

[31:00] Is it perhaps something that looks real when computers render it?

[31:05] Of course not.

[31:06] It's got to be over-the-top action,

[31:07] because that's what I've come to expect in my movies.

[31:09] So there is gloopy animated blood that bursts out of people's bodies.

[31:13] I want a guy to be standing pretty still for a while while, like, three or four bullets hit him before he just slumps over dead.

[31:19] Yeah, just like real life.

[31:20] Yeah.

[31:20] Anyway, he shoots a bunch of people.

[31:23] There's some fighting.

[31:24] But then the preppy bad guy surprised Ethan Hawke and stabs him in the stomach.

[31:28] Ethan Hawke dies eventually.

[31:34] But then what happens?

[31:35] I don't even remember what happens to the preppies.

[31:37] The preppy bad guy is gunned down by his neighbors.

[31:41] Oh, right.

[31:41] Like the seventh turnaround.

[31:44] The neighbors show up, and we see this like four times in a row,

[31:48] a bad guy about to kill one of our heroes.

[31:50] They're like tickling our hero to death.

[31:52] And then a neighbor shooting them.

[31:54] Yeah, the first time a man and woman preppy are holding down the wife,

[31:58] and she's going, no, no, and the girl decides to tickle the wife for a little bit

[32:02] and then takes out a huge sword.

[32:04] But it's like, that was the one creepy moment in the whole movie is when she just starts tickling her.

[32:08] Because that's a weird thing for a killer to suddenly do.

[32:11] It's a weirdly playful moment.

[32:13] Yeah, kind of intimate.

[32:14] And that's what's so scary about it.

[32:16] Right, Dan?

[32:16] Yeah.

[32:17] You know it.

[32:17] This guy understands.

[32:19] No.

[32:19] But we see the neighbors get the drop on the bad guys like four times.

[32:24] They're like, oh no, our heroes are totally murdered.

[32:27] And then they go, oh, thank you.

[32:30] And the neighbors go, oh no.

[32:32] Now we wanted to kill you because we hate you so much.

[32:35] Because of money, I guess.

[32:38] You took all our money because I guess we were forced to buy security from you.

[32:43] You took all our money in return for services rendered, and we hate you.

[32:46] And then you built your house.

[32:47] And even though we're all rich and have mansions,

[32:49] we're mad at you for having a bigger mansion.

[32:51] And then they talk for a while.

[32:53] Isn't that the way, though, right?

[32:54] And then.

[32:55] Always eyeing your neighbor's stuff.

[32:56] We haven't seen in a while.

[32:57] That little remote control car with the burned baby doll on it comes by.

[33:01] Just a diversion.

[33:02] Homeless guy gets the drop on them, makes them drop their weapons, and the wife says, okay, now we're going to sit and wait out the rest of the night with no killing.

[33:09] Cut to a couple minutes before the purge is over.

[33:12] They're just sitting around the dining room table.

[33:14] And the woman who brought back cookies earlier and told Lena Headey how much everybody hated them makes a move, and Lena Headey just smashes her face into the table.

[33:26] And for the first time, this is when they decide to use fake blood, like physical blood,

[33:32] and it looks like barbecue sauce is just pouring out of her face.

[33:35] Sure, maybe in the future people's blood doubles as barbecue sauce.

[33:39] Hey, it's the Purge, man.

[33:40] Anything can happen.

[33:41] It's actually subtext, right?

[33:42] That's what you guys said that thing is.

[33:43] And the siren goes off and the Purge is over.

[33:46] The end.

[33:48] Yep, and the officials come and drag off the bodies.

[33:51] And clean everybody up because they got a lot of cleaning to do.

[33:55] now hold on i gotta jinx one of the by law you can't talk okay you owe him a coke too okay yeah

[34:02] one of the things that bothers me a lot oh it's the verge i forgot the jinx laws no longer apply

[34:08] for the verge um there are many things no laws apply even jinx every crime is legal even talking

[34:13] from space camp just say what you're gonna say okay you said they spit it out that's what finally

[34:21] shut you up is me referencing jinx from space yeah no i like i know that we're like jinx for

[34:26] brains just say it the idea is oh we're supposed to learn this lesson of about how bad purges are

[34:33] like i do not believe at the end lena heady being like oh uh you were all about to kill us all

[34:41] wait stop no killing no we're gonna wait this out we're gonna sit at the kitchen table

[34:47] I feel like Stuart said something while we were watching the movie about movies that set up a fake – well, you say it better.

[34:54] Yeah, so often movies set up a fake premise, like some kind of crazy premise where – for example, a purge or there's a lottery.

[35:02] Crime is legal.

[35:02] Yeah.

[35:03] And the whole point of the movie, the whole message is like this stupid thing we invented is crazy.

[35:09] It's like I knew that it was crazy.

[35:12] You know what?

[35:12] You were supposed to convince me it wasn't crazy.

[35:14] I think the premise of the movie is that this is a horror movie where a crazy thing happens.

[35:17] So why would you think I'm on board with it and you need to tell me why the crazy thing is bad?

[35:22] Maybe humanity is the true monsters in this world where the purge exists.

[35:26] Why did we invent this stupid purge?

[35:29] Like, yeah, I don't know why you did it.

[35:31] You didn't really explain it very well.

[35:33] It's like, you know we don't do that in real life, right?

[35:35] And I think they're trying to make a point about classes preying on each other and the lack of compassion between economic groups.

[35:42] But instead it's just like, well, you know what?

[35:44] 20 years down the line, there's going to be a Purge.

[35:46] And it's going to be super popular amongst

[35:48] revolutionaries! All the

[35:50] Quattos. The amazingly

[35:52] prescient movie, The Purge,

[35:54] really foresaw what happened. It's very popular among

[35:56] Quattos.

[35:57] But also, this is a movie that...

[36:02] In the future, Quattos are forced to live

[36:04] in Quatto ghettos.

[36:05] Quattos are forced to

[36:08] become outlaws. But there is a legend of a

[36:10] chosen Quatto who will lead his people

[36:12] of Quado Freedom.

[36:13] But also, like,

[36:14] aside from its failure

[36:15] as an allegory,

[36:16] just because it is

[36:17] like a thing where like,

[36:18] oh, we set up a crazy world

[36:19] where man is inhumane

[36:21] because man is inhumane.

[36:22] That's kind of stolen

[36:23] from an old Star Trek episode.

[36:24] But also, like,

[36:25] I don't think it's even making,

[36:27] like, within its world,

[36:29] its message is so confused

[36:30] because what I took away

[36:31] from this movie is,

[36:32] yeah, that kid totally

[36:34] shouldn't have opened up

[36:34] the door and let that guy in.

[36:35] Because it led to a bunch

[36:36] of trouble.

[36:37] Yeah, everyone died

[36:38] because of that.

[36:38] Compassion is a bad idea.

[36:40] Yeah.

[36:40] Maybe that was the real,

[36:42] message I took away is if you're gonna

[36:44] come up with an armored house, you need to have some

[36:46] kind of like attack, like weapon

[36:48] to shoot people that come to your front door.

[36:50] Some kind of like gas

[36:52] dispenser. Have like a panic room

[36:54] inside your house. Don't just have one level.

[36:56] Come on. If the movie Panic Room taught me

[36:58] anything, it's that panic rooms are awesome.

[37:00] They said Kristen Stewart was

[37:04] gonna be our next star.

[37:05] Wait, she was in Panic Room? She was the daughter.

[37:08] No, that's Jodie Foster you're thinking.

[37:09] No, you're thinking of the mom.

[37:11] Jodie Foster played someone's daughter.

[37:13] Every woman is someone's daughter, Dan.

[37:15] Remember that next time you get in a lap dance, you perv.

[37:18] Anyway, here's the problem also.

[37:20] I mean, my wife is also someone's daughter.

[37:22] I don't see what that is.

[37:23] Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[37:23] Dude, why did you go there?

[37:25] That's crazy.

[37:25] That's horrible.

[37:26] But I don't, I just don't understand.

[37:28] Oh, you know what?

[37:28] You're kicked out.

[37:29] What?

[37:29] I know it's the purge and all gross things are legal.

[37:32] You don't need your Flophouse house keys, but.

[37:33] Guys.

[37:35] Let's change the Flophouse locks.

[37:36] I can change.

[37:37] So even if the premise doesn't hold together, if the movie was suspenseful or thrilling or scary, it would be a different story.

[37:48] We wouldn't care.

[37:49] If John Carpenter had made this crazy movie.

[37:51] If John Carpenter had made it, as you said when I watched the movie, it would have a great baseline.

[37:54] There'd be a sick baseline.

[37:56] The setup would take way longer.

[37:58] Like he would put way more effort into the setup, which is what this movie does.

[38:01] He'd build up the characters, but also the setup would be longer, but the scare stuff would be longer too.

[38:07] Like, there's a lot of filler in this movie, and it's like...

[38:10] It's a lot of, like, shots from the robot baby camera.

[38:12] Yeah, just wandering around.

[38:14] Well, yeah, the filler would be clever banter,

[38:16] like Howard Hawks-esque banter,

[38:19] rather than just, like, wandering halls.

[38:21] Yeah.

[38:21] And there are scary movies about wandering halls,

[38:24] like House of the Devil is an incredibly scary movie

[38:27] that's mainly just a woman wandering around a house for, like, an hour.

[38:31] With no obvious threat.

[38:32] Yeah, exactly, but it's really frightening.

[38:34] And the first moment when you, to spoil something,

[38:37] The first moment when, like, there's evidence that there's someone else in this house is incredibly scary because they've built up this tension that's so scary beforehand.

[38:46] But in The Purge, they don't really do any of that.

[38:49] You know, it's just kind of, like, pretty straightforward.

[38:51] There's nothing scary.

[38:52] There's nothing—there's no cool scenes.

[38:54] There's no horrifying scenes.

[38:55] And there's not enough effort made to make the killers seem like actual people and not crazy cartoon characters.

[39:05] I think that we're hitting our time limit on The Purge.

[39:09] I'm just saying, this movie should have been purged.

[39:11] It's totally scarifying.

[39:13] Two thumbs up.

[39:14] I was just going to say, it's unfair not to give it a couple.

[39:18] There's a couple okay character moments.

[39:20] There's a couple, I don't know.

[39:22] No, I mean, it's not the worst movie.

[39:25] It's not ATM.

[39:25] It saved us for the fucking thing that I was about to do,

[39:27] which was Final Judgments.

[39:28] Sorry, Boston.

[39:30] We tell him to give up his keys, and he gets so mad at us.

[39:33] You don't need to stop.

[39:35] You don't need to stop me progressing to final judgments to give you your final judgment.

[39:39] All we did was call you a perv and kick you out of the club, and suddenly you're mad at us.

[39:42] What I was trying to say is this is the part of the movie where we say if the movie was scarily snoring, spookily sleepy, or horrifyingly bad good, or if it was moon blood good.

[39:57] Totally scarifying, totally snorifying, or frighteningly funny, Stuart.

[40:05] Uh, totally snorifying, I guess.

[40:08] I don't know.

[40:08] You're like, I don't understand these stupid bullshit categories.

[40:11] I would probably say it's totally snorifying.

[40:14] As I said, like, this is a really stupid premise.

[40:16] It would be great if John Carpenter did it.

[40:18] And it's not completely devoid of...

[40:20] It's not the worst movie in the world, but it's still not very good.

[40:22] There's occasional moments that are shot well.

[40:25] And that kid looks so cool with those fucking sunglasses on, man.

[40:28] If it was called Shades Kid.

[40:30] Just keep that kid away from those sunglasses.

[40:34] I say this is totally snorifying and I'm harder on it than you because like it is a stupid premise but it's stupid in the way that like oh this could be fun if it was done the right way like if you buy into the premise then then if the movie is well done it could be fun but the movie is the most rote like we're gonna have a bunch of people acting like crazy psychos even though what the clever thing about this is like they don't have to yeah they're normal human beings.

[41:01] All they need is one shot of watching them all, I don't know, smoke grass, do angel dust, whatever they like to do.

[41:10] Well, it's similar to there's that scene in Prometheus where there's the scene in Prometheus where the biologist and the geologist start touching the alien that they obviously shouldn't touch and they're acting all loopy.

[41:21] And it's like, well, all they needed was a shot that showed them smoking pot and the scene would make total sense.

[41:25] But they either cut that shot out or didn't include it.

[41:28] But here's my problem with The Purge ultimately is this premise doesn't need the Purge framework.

[41:33] If you had a movie where a family gives refuge to somebody who's bloody and on the run and there's a team of killers outside who want him and say we're going to come in and take him and kill you if you don't give him up, like you don't need the – it's not reliant.

[41:48] It's like a basic like Western premise kind of.

[41:50] Basically, yeah, but it's not reliant on the Purge framework.

[41:52] So if you're going to introduce this idea of a night when all crime is legal, make it a story that's reliant on that.

[41:58] You know, like that really needs that to happen, because otherwise what you're doing is not making the point you want to make, you know.

[42:03] And not just like a bad like Hunger Games meets Home Invasion story.

[42:07] Yeah, it's basically like Panic Room meets Hunger Games, you know, and that's if you're going to do that, at least with the Hunger Games, they're doing things in it that you can't do in a world where there's no crazy government that has Hunger Games.

[42:20] And at least with Panic Room, it's tense at moments.

[42:23] Yeah.

[42:24] But like if I was going to get David Fincher behind the camera.

[42:27] So I'd do totally snorifying, but if they did The Purge 2 and they gave it to like a better director.

[42:32] Wong Kar Wai.

[42:33] Have Wong Kar Wai direct it, Robert Towne write it.

[42:37] And you know what it should star?

[42:40] Is it too late to get the dead Deshira Mifune to be in it?

[42:44] Now that's a movie I'd see, Purge 2.

[42:47] But like I think they're going to do a sequel because this movie made a ton of money for its budget.

[42:52] And do a movie where, like, you couldn't have this story unless it was a world where crime is legal for 12 hours.

[42:57] Yeah, I don't know if they just didn't have the budget and didn't want to spring for shots of places other than this one nice subdivision.

[43:04] But even then, like, if the movie was just about their neighbor's turn on them, that would be a different story.

[43:11] It should be about that, not this crazy preppy group, you know?

[43:13] Yeah.

[43:14] All right, well, now is the time and the podcast where we read letters from listeners.

[43:19] Oh, that's cool.

[43:20] It's called the Flophouse Movie Mailbag.

[43:21] It's usually unheralded by anything, right?

[43:23] No, usually it just kind of happens.

[43:25] And there's no sort of letters from listeners.

[43:27] Jesus Christ.

[43:29] Listening with letters.

[43:30] We're already delayed this.

[43:32] Write us some words and we're going to read them.

[43:35] You're going to see that we're going to read them.

[43:39] Oh, but you'll hear it.

[43:40] You won't really see it.

[43:42] But we'll read them, read them, read them.

[43:44] Read your letters.

[43:46] Letters is taped before a live studio audience.

[43:50] Boop, boop, boop, boop.

[43:50] The music doesn't seem to match the song at all.

[43:53] Sit letters, sit.

[43:55] Good letters.

[43:56] You guys hear that fat bass line coming from somewhere?

[44:00] Is John Carpenter in the room?

[44:02] It's like something out of a dream.

[44:04] Is the director of The Fog in here?

[44:07] So this first letter is from Brian, last name withheld.

[44:13] It's titled...

[44:15] Austin Green.

[44:15] It's titled The Original Castle Freak.

[44:18] Dearest Floppers, thank you, Dan, for uttering greatest truth.

[44:21] I have to admit that during the Stolen episode,

[44:23] when you mentioned that Nicolas Cage is the original Castle Freak,

[44:25] I had a Kaiser Soze moment where everything became clear.

[44:28] Let me explain.

[44:30] Both Nicolas Cage and the Castle Freak come from royalty of sorts,

[44:33] whether it be duchess or film royalty.

[44:36] Nicolas Cage turned his obsession with Elvis Presley

[44:39] into sexual attraction for the king's daughter, Lisa Marie Presley.

[44:42] Just like the freak, Giorgio's obsession with his brother, Jeffrey Combe,

[44:46] has become sexual with his blind daughter.

[44:48] Both are unable to run properly.

[44:50] Moonstruck Cage cuts off his own hand in a brake slicer,

[44:56] and the Castle Freak rips off his own thumb to get off the shackles.

[44:59] The thumb looks like a ding-dong.

[45:01] According to some, the thumb looks...

[45:04] It might have been a hand ding-dong.

[45:05] We don't know that.

[45:05] Legend tells of a thumb that looks like a ding-dong.

[45:07] The Castle Freak befriends...

[45:09] My mother always told me of a thumb that looked like a ding-dong.

[45:11] The Castle Freak befriends a prostitute just like Mr. Cage in Leaving Las Vegas.

[45:16] The Freak loves to physically assault women, but not as much as Nick Cage and Wicker Man.

[45:20] Faceoff lets us know that Nicholas Cage can eat a peach for hours.

[45:28] However, the Castle Freak has shown he can eat a girl out for just as long.

[45:31] And to seal the deal, we all know of the Freak's ding-dong-ness.

[45:36] Also, it has been well established that when Nicholas Cage turns into Ghost Rider, Spirit of Vengeance, his ding-dong disappears.

[45:43] But he can still pee fire.

[45:44] Well, he says, meaning both of them have to form their hands into a cylinder to pee in a stream.

[45:48] I've made my case.

[45:50] Yours in flop.

[45:50] Ryan, last name without.

[45:51] It's all so clear.

[45:52] I think I'm going to throw up.

[45:54] Okay.

[45:56] Really?

[45:57] Because of the thing that you brought up over and over again?

[45:59] He brought it up.

[46:00] The Nicolas Cage-ass Castle Freak.

[46:02] Not, I'm going to throw up because of the movie Castle Freak.

[46:05] That movie's fucking radical.

[46:06] Oh, okay.

[46:07] I misunderstood.

[46:08] Chill out.

[46:08] Yeah, I believe you went to the floor.

[46:11] Slow your roll, is what they say.

[46:13] We're at each other's throats tonight.

[46:14] It's almost like the purge is getting to us.

[46:16] I believe you went to the Full Moon Features booth at New York Comic Con.

[46:20] At New York Comic Con, yeah.

[46:21] Booth 666.

[46:22] What?

[46:23] And I made a couple of purchases, and I got my picture taken a bunch,

[46:27] and they were really nice over there.

[46:29] Like because you were passing bad checks?

[46:32] No.

[46:32] So they took your picture to put it up next to the register?

[46:34] It was weird.

[46:34] Just people stopped by.

[46:36] We're taking pictures of Stuart from the Flophouse,

[46:38] purchasing Castle Freak Blu-rays, handing them out.

[46:43] I'm like, you should check this movie out.

[46:45] This dude rips off his own dick.

[46:46] It's crazy, man.

[46:47] And they're like, actually, he doesn't.

[46:48] Hi, I'm Mr. Moon from Full Moon Entertainment, and I'm Richard Full.

[46:51] And we're here to say that he does not rip off his own ding dong.

[46:54] And I was there checking my watch like, is the purge on yet?

[46:57] Can I murder this fucking clown?

[46:58] How much time till the purge?

[47:01] This next letter is from Ian.

[47:03] 22 years.

[47:04] This letter's from Ian, last name withheld.

[47:07] Zaring.

[47:08] Oh, that's I and Zaring.

[47:10] I fucked that up.

[47:11] Okay, erase that part.

[47:12] Rewind.

[47:13] Okay.

[47:13] By the way, the end of the email says

[47:16] P.S. If Elliot said anything other than McKellen

[47:19] Please give him a slow motion high five

[47:21] But Elliot said nothing

[47:22] So he gets no high five

[47:23] Oh, for Ian McKellen

[47:24] I take your high five and throw it in the dust

[47:29] With my hopes and dreams

[47:33] It's like a frat noir novel

[47:35] A high five in the dust

[47:36] This is titled

[47:38] I need an answer

[47:39] Dear Elliot, Stuart, Housecat, Dance Couch, and Dan

[47:42] in no particular order.

[47:43] The couch gets a question?

[47:45] Couch cat!

[47:45] I recently learned

[47:47] about your podcast

[47:47] when I read an old

[47:48] coffee-stained

[47:49] entertainment weekly

[47:50] and saw you on the must list.

[47:51] Your reverent quips

[47:53] have made my bus

[47:53] and train rides

[47:54] much more enjoyable.

[47:55] Thanks, Ian.

[47:56] But I have a burning question

[47:58] since the moment

[47:58] I first heard your theme song.

[47:59] What do you folk wear

[48:01] while podcasting?

[48:02] As little as possible.

[48:04] I've always assumed

[48:06] Elliot wears either

[48:07] a three-piece suit

[48:08] and a fedora

[48:08] or a gambit-esque

[48:11] suit of purple armor.

[48:12] Why would I wear the clothing of the man I hate the most?

[48:14] With which he is in a love-hate relationship.

[48:16] Okay, that's why.

[48:17] Stuart podcasts in a He-Man for a thong.

[48:20] Sure.

[48:20] Dan, of course, wears a tube of knee-length beige fabric with armholes cut out.

[48:24] On a scale from you hit the nail on the head to you couldn't be more right,

[48:28] tell me how right my guesses were, please.

[48:30] Plus, minus.

[48:31] Two C, no.

[48:33] We wear regular street clothes,

[48:36] except for the times when Stuart gets up to use the bathroom

[48:39] and comes back wearing a tiny bathing suit,

[48:41] which he hasn't done in a long time.

[48:42] It's just for you guys, though.

[48:43] Yeah, that's not for the people.

[48:44] To get you in the mood for podcasting.

[48:46] We wear clothes.

[48:47] Podcasts.

[48:47] It's a radio show on the internet.

[48:49] Thanks.

[48:49] Speaking of clothes that we might wear.

[48:51] What?

[48:51] Where would we buy shirts from that we wear?

[48:53] Oh, sure.

[48:54] You can go to astoymerchandise.com and buy Flophouse t-shirts.

[49:00] Just imagine we're all wearing Flophouse t-shirts.

[49:02] Yeah.

[49:02] Yeah, with our faces on them.

[49:04] And we're looking at our own faces when we talk to each other.

[49:07] Like we're talking to ourselves.

[49:08] Yeah.

[49:09] And we're caressing them.

[49:10] Sure.

[49:12] hey little elliot head hope you're enjoying the fluff ass thanks for saving that dan i thought i

[49:17] was being weird um so thanks for that question thanks for the question we were ready uh this

[49:26] is from l l fearson well actually i'll give the full name because we've talked about it before

[49:32] l kennedy author of the killer instincts and out of uniform series oh yeah that's right

[49:36] uh nice to have you back l she says long time listener second time writer uh hey floppers

[49:42] it's titled a title for elliot i was i was so barren i was so excited when you led my read my

[49:49] letter on the nicholas cage episode and my humble episode in my humble opinion that's the best

[49:54] episode to be acknowledged on uh but she has words for you elliot millionaire cop and mom to be is a

[50:00] great romance title i'll give you that but i can beat it pregnesia what fortunately this is not

[50:07] one of my harlequin titles but i adore the author who wrote it and who was a good sport about the

[50:11] title is there any other title that encapsulates the contents of a book but also does it in the

[50:15] most insane way i dare you to find it sir it's hard condition i think i think the only one i

[50:20] think that's the main character's name no she she includes a link to the amazon uh site for

[50:25] Pregnesia and

[50:26] it appears to be about a pregnant

[50:29] lady who was in a car accident

[50:31] and of course has amnesia after that

[50:33] and the man who needs to protect her against

[50:35] mysterious forces. She was pregnant beforehand, right? Yeah, I guess so.

[50:37] It wasn't like a car baby.

[50:39] No, no, the baby's not half car

[50:41] I assume. It's like Crash?

[50:43] Yeah, like Goldbug from, wait.

[50:45] What? Wait. Herbie the Lovebug?

[50:47] Yeah. The Goldbug

[50:49] is an Edgar Allen Poe story. Yeah.

[50:51] With a racist character in it. Well, the character's

[50:53] not racist, but the depiction of him is.

[50:55] okay hervey so hervey the gold bug yeah uh is that like how at the end of short circuit too

[51:01] johnny five has an all gold body when he's taking the oath of allegiance to be a citizen

[51:05] yeah okay that's after he takes out the loco wait he bought it from william devane

[51:10] it's a gold body uh pragnesia is a pretty great title i would say uh even crazier in summing it

[51:18] up would be a book that someone posted a link to on the flop house facebook page which it was a

[51:24] series of books, one of which is of course

[51:26] called Abraham Lincoln Ninja Fuckmaster

[51:27] and these are e-books only

[51:29] and they seem to be 15 page

[51:31] porn action stories about Abraham Lincoln

[51:33] in which he fights the emperor

[51:35] of Japan on the moon and has sex with a lot of ladies.

[51:38] So this is your new jail

[51:39] material is what you're saying?

[51:40] Jail material? Jail? J-Lo?

[51:43] J-Lo. Yeah, J-Lo would be good as Lincoln

[51:46] I guess, but...

[51:47] Also, I want...

[51:48] And no, I would not masturbate

[51:52] to a story about Abraham Lincoln

[51:53] J.O. means jack off.

[51:55] That's what you meant by that.

[51:57] That makes way more sense.

[51:58] He's speaking in his perv code that I don't understand.

[52:01] She finishes her letter.

[52:03] Okay, dudes, keep up the great work.

[52:04] Love you guys.

[52:05] One day I'll base a romance character on each of you.

[52:07] Stuart can be a ladies' man bartender.

[52:09] Unlikely.

[52:10] Elliot can be a witty intellectual.

[52:12] And Dan, of course, would be the brooding hero

[52:14] who was probably tortured during his time in the military

[52:16] and needs a sweet lady with a nice ass,

[52:18] preferably someone's wife,

[52:20] to reawaken his tormented heart.

[52:22] And that character would probably wear some kind of a trench coat or...

[52:26] Oh, yeah, with nothing underneath.

[52:27] Super creepy.

[52:28] Never anything underneath.

[52:29] And he wears it on airplanes.

[52:30] It's weird.

[52:32] You're pronouncing the word sexy creepy.

[52:34] That's strange.

[52:35] No, no, I'm using the word creepy.

[52:37] It's a regular Spinneroonie.

[52:39] So we have more letters.

[52:41] Most of you guys had ladies implied were involved with ladies in that one.

[52:45] But what was I just like...

[52:46] You're a witty intellectual.

[52:47] You're a Nick Charles type.

[52:49] So I'm like the...

[52:50] Okay, well, he's a lady.

[52:52] Buy optional.

[52:53] One of the best ladies.

[52:53] What?

[52:54] You're buy optional.

[52:55] Buy optional?

[52:56] Yeah, you have the option to be with man or woman.

[52:58] I've never heard that before.

[53:00] I mean, everyone's buy optional.

[53:03] Okay, okay.

[53:04] Trademark Stewart.

[53:05] I just made that up.

[53:05] The option exists.

[53:08] I'm attracted to you with an option to buy.

[53:11] Not in my household.

[53:13] Anyway, Dan.

[53:15] Speaking of sexy and creepy.

[53:17] I'm looking forward to this Flophouse romance novel.

[53:19] You can still call it the Flophouse.

[53:21] The last letter continues the theme.

[53:24] What theme was that?

[53:26] It's from Emma O' Last Name Withheld.

[53:32] Okay.

[53:33] Sorry.

[53:33] Wait, what?

[53:35] Emma O' Last Name Withheld.

[53:36] Yeah, an Irish name.

[53:37] Okay.

[53:38] And it's titled, I'm Sorry, Dan.

[53:41] Mr. McCoy, the other night I had a rather interesting dream.

[53:45] You were involved.

[53:46] It started off fine, but then...

[53:48] I'm getting a beer.

[53:48] ...progressed.

[53:50] what i'm saying is i may or may not have serviced you in a way that i shouldn't that shouldn't have

[53:54] been appropriate for stewart to stick around and watch did that happen which he did he looked vague

[54:00] vaguely intrigued by the goings-on but not overly enthused not really sure where elliot was good

[54:06] news is once again i'm left out of the sex dream good news is you're two whole years shy of the

[54:11] incident incident being dream statutory so you don't have to go to dream jail or anything don't

[54:15] worry dan you were a perfect gentleman just thought i should let you know not all flop dreams

[54:19] centered around Elliot and Stuart.

[54:20] Oh, and I love the podcast.

[54:22] I found it through another podcast

[54:23] and I sort of left them for you guys.

[54:25] For better or for worse,

[54:26] I think my REM cycle has answered that question.

[54:28] P.S. The Woody Allen impressions.

[54:30] I feel like they come up a lot in this podcast.

[54:32] Not sure why.

[54:33] I fucking love it.

[54:34] You and Elliot make a wonderful tag team.

[54:36] Both of you tripping over each other to be heard

[54:37] so it sounds like I'm listening to stereo Woody Allen.

[54:39] Meanwhile, Stuart's in the background

[54:41] trying to find a way to hang himself.

[54:43] The ATM episode had the best and longest performance

[54:46] and I almost fell off my bed laughing.

[54:47] You should work them into every episode.

[54:49] Now, did you mean like I was going to hang myself with a belt

[54:52] or that I was trying to hang with you guys?

[54:56] I think that you wanted to kill yourself

[54:58] because you were hearing us doing Woody Allen impressions.

[54:59] I like the idea of Stereo Woody Allen,

[55:01] which would be like his smooth jazz album or something.

[55:06] I mean, he does Dixieland jazz.

[55:08] So the nice thing about that sex dream

[55:10] is that you were involved with somebody, not me or Elliot.

[55:13] Yeah, for once.

[55:14] That's weird.

[55:14] We can all appreciate that.

[55:15] I can't. I wasn't there.

[55:16] I guess I appreciate watching Dan do the nasty.

[55:20] You want to be like Stuart?

[55:22] You want to be a fucking voyeur?

[55:23] What's going on?

[55:23] No, I don't.

[55:24] Literally a fucking voyeur.

[55:26] The only problem I have with this email, honestly, is that it's titled, I'm sorry, Dan.

[55:31] I don't know what she has to apologize for.

[55:33] First off.

[55:33] Honestly, this is...

[55:35] The sexiest words in the English language.

[55:37] I'm sorry, Dan.

[55:38] I think in all of the time that we've done this podcast, that's probably the letter that's made me feel the best about myself.

[55:44] Dan, just watch out.

[55:45] I think you're going to be catfished.

[55:46] What?

[55:47] It's a catfishing bro.

[55:49] It's a 40-year-old obese man in Minnesota.

[55:53] For those listening, I think catfished is a cultural reference

[55:57] and not a weird, like, sex theory.

[55:58] It's not a sex theory, no, no.

[56:00] For those who want to know what catfishing is,

[56:04] watch the first five minutes of our friend Sarah Schaefer's show,

[56:07] Nicky and Sarah Live,

[56:08] where they appear to be contractually forced to recap catfish,

[56:11] their lead-in.

[56:13] Oh, bummer.

[56:14] Yeah.

[56:15] Well, I guess what I'm saying is, Dan, you finally lost it.

[56:19] You did it.

[56:20] You did it.

[56:20] You're a man now.

[56:21] I lost my dream chair, you guys.

[56:22] Don't say it that way.

[56:24] I don't like that.

[56:25] So this is the part of the podcast where we recommend a movie that we actually liked in contrast to, say, The Purge.

[56:32] And being Shocktober, I say, why not a horror movie?

[56:35] So let me start for once.

[56:37] For once.

[56:38] Okay.

[56:38] I mean, you often start, I feel like.

[56:40] For God's sake.

[56:40] Oh, he's trying to get in on whatever you're going to recommend.

[56:43] No, I...

[56:43] I know he's going to recommend something different.

[56:45] My lovely wife, for our anniversary, got me the Blu-ray collection of Universal horror movies.

[56:52] And?

[56:52] And there was...

[56:54] Oh, and she also got me Mondo Sleazo, a collection of exploitation film trailers.

[56:59] She does know you.

[57:00] She knows there's two sides of you, the sleazy side and the side that likes monsters.

[57:04] Yep.

[57:06] And those are the only two sides.

[57:08] But I watched the only movie on the Universal horror set that I had not seen before.

[57:15] which was the 1943 Claude Rains version of Phantom of the Opera.

[57:18] Now, we're all familiar with the silent Lon Chaney version of Phantom of the Opera,

[57:22] which is rightfully known as the best of them.

[57:25] The best of the Phantoms.

[57:26] But the Claude Rains one.

[57:27] Even with that dumb scene where...

[57:28] Not as good as Phantom Menace, though.

[57:29] The Phantom Menace of the Opera.

[57:32] The Claude Rains one.

[57:34] Queen Amidala, we are living in the basement of an opera house.

[57:39] Is that a Gungan?

[57:40] No, it's not a Gungan.

[57:41] It's the Trade Federation.

[57:42] Lisa, burn half my face.

[57:45] he needs to have a mask on

[57:47] that's a Gungan

[57:48] I'm just saying the Claude Rains one is

[57:51] worth a look it's shot in beautiful

[57:53] Technicolor

[57:54] Claude Rains is always

[57:56] great to see

[57:58] who's the

[58:00] singer in that is that

[58:02] Jewel

[58:04] the main character

[58:07] Selena Gomez

[58:08] the main character is a crossover opera

[58:11] star in a period of

[58:13] of history when there was such a thing as a crossover opera star uh oscar meyer

[58:21] god damn it shut up i'm not even gonna i'm not even gonna try it that's rebo mario lanza

[58:27] uh it was like eddie arnold or is that edward eddie arnold was a country star and edward arnold

[58:35] was an actor the two different guys but i can't remember it's a man opera singer yeah there was

[58:39] a male opera singer.

[58:40] Mario Lanza?

[58:40] No, that's a little early for him.

[58:42] Hold on.

[58:43] Of the opera...

[58:46] God damn it.

[58:47] I should have looked this up beforehand,

[58:49] huh, guys?

[58:49] This is getting really weird.

[58:50] Should we fill the time?

[58:51] So, Stuart, I'm good.

[58:53] How about you?

[58:54] How you been?

[58:54] Hey, I can't really complain.

[58:56] It's the end of Shocktober.

[58:57] Yeah, it's set.

[58:58] Well, kind of.

[58:59] I mean, Shocktober for Flophouse,

[59:00] but Halloween is still in the future.

[59:02] Okay, hold on.

[59:02] Speaking of Halloween,

[59:03] everybody should head on down

[59:04] to Charlene's bar.

[59:04] Nelson Eddy.

[59:05] Nelson Eddy.

[59:06] I've got to finish this promotion

[59:08] though real quick.

[59:08] So head on down to Charlene's Bar on October 31st for Char-lo-ween,

[59:13] a Halloween party where one or more floppers will be in attendance

[59:17] and in costume.

[59:18] Okay, back to Dan.

[59:20] All right, well, this is the longest recommendation.

[59:22] Nelson Eddy, yeah.

[59:23] An actual opera star and a crossover film star

[59:28] in a time that that was not crazy to think of.

[59:31] Back when an opera star could be on the cover of Time magazine.

[59:34] Yeah, and this is an interesting fan of the opera

[59:36] because it really emphasizes the opera.

[59:38] side of it like you actually think like oh this is selling it keep selling this is taking place

[59:42] in an opera house but it has like these beautiful technicolor opera scenes uh what operas do they

[59:47] do um i think they're mostly made up operas actually oh okay um but uh also in a weird

[59:53] opera and susan kane salambo in a weird uh bit of casting uh uh fritz lieber uh plays uh franz

[1:00:02] list okay wait franz list is in it yeah as a character yep but if you're a fan of farford

[1:00:08] and the gray mouser you can see uh what he looked like in real life what he looked like in real life

[1:00:14] which is a crazy white haired guy so this has been a very long recommendation for the lesser

[1:00:21] known phantom of the opera movie so enjoyed fans fanstom of the damn opera of the flop opera

[1:00:29] I can't believe you didn't do that right

[1:00:31] I'm just so tired from hearing Dan's recommendation

[1:00:34] Stuart would you like to go next

[1:00:36] We had a whole purge during that time

[1:00:38] Sure so

[1:00:39] We should purge this part of the podcast

[1:00:42] Boom

[1:00:43] I regularly recommend movies I've already recommended

[1:00:47] Don't

[1:00:49] Don't stop me guys

[1:00:50] I know I do this

[1:00:51] Don't stop you now

[1:00:51] You're having a good time

[1:00:53] For one I would like to say

[1:00:55] Streaking through the sky like a diamond

[1:00:58] Do diamonds do that?

[1:01:01] Well, if you throw them.

[1:01:03] Because it's Shocktober, I always

[1:01:06] recommend going out, if you haven't seen it,

[1:01:08] going out and seeing the original Night of the

[1:01:09] Demons. It's my favorite

[1:01:12] Halloween-themed horror movie.

[1:01:13] Now, you don't mean Night of the Demon with Dana Andrews.

[1:01:16] Uh, no.

[1:01:17] Said Prunes gave him the runes.

[1:01:19] No, the...

[1:01:21] The passing of the muse, lots of skill.

[1:01:22] Sorry.

[1:01:23] Wait, what?

[1:01:25] Okay, so Night of the Demons

[1:01:26] Night of the Demons

[1:01:28] totally check it out

[1:01:28] not the remake

[1:01:29] with Tiffany Sheppas

[1:01:30] though she's got

[1:01:32] a great butt

[1:01:32] you should see that

[1:01:33] but don't see

[1:01:34] the pervious

[1:01:35] you're recommending

[1:01:36] a movie and a butt

[1:01:37] no but I'm also

[1:01:39] recommending

[1:01:39] what I would really

[1:01:41] like to do

[1:01:41] is recommend

[1:01:42] thanks to the purge

[1:01:42] what I would really

[1:01:44] like to do

[1:01:44] is recommend

[1:01:45] a horror movie

[1:01:46] called The Granny

[1:01:47] which is my other

[1:01:49] favorite horror movie

[1:01:50] of all time

[1:01:51] right behind

[1:01:53] Castle Freak

[1:01:54] Head of the Family

[1:01:54] Invisible Maniac

[1:01:55] etc

[1:01:56] it's about a killer granny smith apple it is about a wait no no it is it's a it's a movie

[1:02:02] about a granny who in the search for eternal life instead becomes a monster and murders her

[1:02:07] evil family oh so she's the hero oh totally um all because she misuses the power of the

[1:02:14] i think me chow queech i don't remember it's some kind of bullshit there's magic swords

[1:02:19] there's an evil granny monster

[1:02:21] there is a lot of hilarious nudity

[1:02:24] including hilarious nudity

[1:02:26] one of my

[1:02:28] favorites what does that have to

[1:02:29] like you mean like someone takes their pants

[1:02:31] off and you hear

[1:02:32] like a lady has like her breasts and she's like

[1:02:35] just juggling them I mean that's

[1:02:37] pretty hilarious and also very sexy

[1:02:40] so

[1:02:40] the it also

[1:02:43] has my favorite example of a movie

[1:02:46] where you take you know a beautiful

[1:02:48] woman give her put her in a ponytail and give her glasses and you're like everybody around her is

[1:02:53] like you're so plain and boring and gross but she's got the frilliest panties when you see

[1:02:58] your naked lady well all right let's move on so what is that who's playing now dan is what i'm

[1:03:03] saying i don't know so the granny and night of the demons watch them both back-to-back double

[1:03:08] feature at my house later okay i've never been creeped more out by us yeah i'm not can i go to

[1:03:15] a different podcast sure anyway you're now to read them and weep or something yeah you'll now

[1:03:20] appear on uh stuff you should know why don't we have the same listenership as uh this american

[1:03:26] life because we because we're a bunch of pervy creeps that's why i'm sure ira glass is approved

[1:03:34] but he doesn't parade it through the podcast like to imagine someone describing our podcast

[1:03:39] to another person uh it's a bunch of pervy creeps and they talk about movies they talk about women

[1:03:44] They're talking about movies and women's butts for an hour.

[1:03:47] So I'll make my recommendation.

[1:03:50] I'd actually like to recommend two movies, one real quick.

[1:03:52] You probably saw it already, but a movie called Gravity, which is not a traditional horror film,

[1:03:57] but I found very scary in that the concept of being adrift in space is incredibly frightening to me

[1:04:04] and having no contact with the earth and nothing to tether you to reality basically.

[1:04:08] But Gravity is in the theaters now.

[1:04:10] You probably saw it already.

[1:04:11] It's the number one movie in the country.

[1:04:13] So I'll recommend another movie.

[1:04:14] It's another classic 30s horror film, not universal but close, called Mad Love with Peter Lorre.

[1:04:23] Directed by Carl Freund, who you probably know best from directing The Mummy and being the photographer for Metropolis and a number of other great German films.

[1:04:32] The Mummy Returns?

[1:04:32] No, The Mummy from the 30s.

[1:04:34] And also, strangely enough, went on to be the director for I think a third or more of the episodes of I Love Lucy when it was first on TV.

[1:04:43] This is one of the family of hands of a murderer films, right?

[1:04:47] Yes, it is.

[1:04:47] Peter Lorre's – well, the weird thing is – so it's about a – it's partly about a – I forget if he's a pianist or a surgeon who has his – loses his hands in a train accident and a doctor replaces them with the hands of a murderous knife thrower.

[1:05:02] But that's not even the scary part of the movie.

[1:05:04] It's kind of incidental to the rest of the movie.

[1:05:06] It's more about Peter Lorre, this mad surgeon who's obsessed with an actress to the point that he has like a mannequin of her that he talks to and he wants to possess her and she's married to this guy who loses his hands and he replaces with the killer's hands.

[1:05:20] But Peter Lorre is super frightening in it as this bald surgeon and being bald makes him that much creepier.

[1:05:27] There's a scene where he dresses up in this weird metal-like body brace to frighten the husband and it's super creepy and scary.

[1:05:35] And it's just a strange-like movie that's also beautifully shot because Greg Tolland worked on it.

[1:05:41] Carl Freund, who knew a thing or two about shooting, obviously worked on it.

[1:05:45] You may remember Greg Tolland, of course, from Citizen Kane, pioneer of the deep focus.

[1:05:49] Citizen Kane, Grapes of Wrath, Best Years of Our Lives, a number of great movies.

[1:05:53] You were talking about mummies earlier.

[1:05:55] There's no mummies in this one, right?

[1:05:56] There's no mummies in this, no.

[1:05:57] Just scary severed hands?

[1:05:59] Well, it's not even –

[1:06:01] And scary Peter Lorre.

[1:06:01] It's like body parts.

[1:06:02] It's more scary Peter Lorre.

[1:06:03] The severed hands are not the scariest part.

[1:06:05] But there's a lot of great character actor bits in it.

[1:06:07] And I won't go into too much detail because we're running late.

[1:06:09] But Peter Lorre is super scary.

[1:06:11] Mad Love, the 30s one, not the Drew Barrymore, Chris O'Donnell Mad Love.

[1:06:16] Which is also scary, but in a different way.

[1:06:17] In a different way.

[1:06:18] But I recommend this one.

[1:06:19] Sing to Chris O'Donnell.

[1:06:20] Take you down a couple notches.

[1:06:22] Take that, star of NCIS Las Vegas.

[1:06:24] Take that, Robin.

[1:06:25] Is that it?

[1:06:25] Los Angeles?

[1:06:26] Take that, scent of a woman man.

[1:06:30] Scent of a woman.

[1:06:33] Scent of a woman.

[1:06:34] Take that circle of friends.

[1:06:36] Take that, what was the Bachelor?

[1:06:40] You guys are doing great.

[1:06:41] So, Mad Love, it's an under-seen 30-star movie.

[1:06:44] Surprisingly deep catalog.

[1:06:45] Go see it, Mad Love.

[1:06:47] Before we go, we should remind people,

[1:06:52] we have a contest going on,

[1:06:54] the Make a Music Video for He's the House Cat,

[1:06:58] or as we've liked to call it,

[1:07:02] He's the House Cat, parentheses, Arthur's theme.

[1:07:04] Created by me and Alex Smith

[1:07:08] Copyright Alex Smith

[1:07:09] Buy it now for 55 cents

[1:07:11] There's now green screen footage

[1:07:13] Of Elliot, Stuart and I

[1:07:17] Just kind of cavorting around

[1:07:18] Along with the lovely and talented

[1:07:20] Miss Hallie Haglund

[1:07:21] We're all cavorting around like goofs

[1:07:23] In front of a green screen

[1:07:25] Doing silly stuff, silly yuck-em-ups

[1:07:27] In front of a green screen for you to

[1:07:29] Excise and use as you see fit

[1:07:32] For this music video

[1:07:33] Music video for He's the House Cat, Arthur's Theme.

[1:07:36] And, Dan, what can people win in this contest?

[1:07:39] People can win the right to choose a film for us to review on the show.

[1:07:44] Use it wisely.

[1:07:45] With great power comes great responsibility.

[1:07:48] They'll also win a T-shirt.

[1:07:49] And I don't know.

[1:07:50] Wear it responsibly.

[1:07:51] Like a Flophouse T-shirt, not just like a T-shirt.

[1:07:54] No, no, it's an Enormous Johnson T-shirt.

[1:07:56] Who knows?

[1:07:58] Maybe we'll figure something out.

[1:07:59] It's a naked volleyball T-shirt.

[1:08:00] It's a knockoff Big Johnson shirt.

[1:08:02] You get it in Cancun or something?

[1:08:04] It says Cancun in the bottom, too.

[1:08:07] But I'm going to say...

[1:08:11] With Bort Simpson?

[1:08:12] It's a bootleg Bort Simpson t-shirt where he has dreads.

[1:08:16] I'm going to say get your entries in to us by December 1st.

[1:08:21] I'm going to give you a little extra time on this because it involves actual filmmaking.

[1:08:25] December 1st, and then are we going to select a couple that are going to be voted on or something?

[1:08:29] Yeah, I would say get them in by December 1st,

[1:08:31] and then we'll select some finalists for fans to vote on

[1:08:34] to get the ultimate prize.

[1:08:35] Which is what?

[1:08:37] Which is our respect.

[1:08:38] Our respect is the ultimate prize.

[1:08:40] The other stuff is material goods.

[1:08:41] So not immortality.

[1:08:42] Yeah.

[1:08:43] Not all the money that would come with winning

[1:08:46] the transnational road race in Death Race.

[1:08:48] So get those entries in.

[1:08:51] Have fun.

[1:08:52] Don't have too much fun.

[1:08:54] I'm just kidding.

[1:08:55] Have too much fun.

[1:08:55] Yeah, just keep inserting our faces.

[1:08:57] Your mother and I will wait up.

[1:08:58] Don't do anything we wouldn't do.

[1:08:59] But seriously, your curfew is two.

[1:09:01] Throw them up

[1:09:02] I know it's prom night

[1:09:03] I know it's prom night

[1:09:04] Okay

[1:09:05] So be back by two

[1:09:06] But it's a night for memories

[1:09:07] But no

[1:09:07] It's also purge night

[1:09:09] I don't know why they scheduled

[1:09:10] A prom for purge

[1:09:11] That's crazy

[1:09:11] Why would they do that

[1:09:12] Because now all prom is legal

[1:09:14] For one night

[1:09:14] Okay but no condoms right

[1:09:16] One last thing

[1:09:17] I mean it's not a crime

[1:09:18] But yeah

[1:09:18] Once you have your music video

[1:09:20] Throw it up online

[1:09:21] This is super pervy tonight

[1:09:23] What's wrong with us

[1:09:24] Send

[1:09:25] Fucking purge

[1:09:26] It's not a sexy movie at all

[1:09:27] Maybe the least sexy one

[1:09:29] I'm trying to finish up

[1:09:30] The last little bit of business guys

[1:09:31] DM was pretty sexy.

[1:09:32] Send us a link to your video at theflophousepodcast at gmail.com.

[1:09:39] So just to do it quick, make your video.

[1:09:42] Due date is December 1st.

[1:09:44] We're going to choose our finalists, and then you, the listeners, will vote.

[1:09:47] And then whoever wins gets to choose what movie we watch.

[1:09:50] Send us the link to the video at what was the address?

[1:09:53] At theflophousepodcast at gmail.com.

[1:09:55] And that green screen footage can be downloaded from a link that you can find at FlophousePodcast.com.

[1:10:01] It's a Dropbox file, right?

[1:10:03] Yeah.

[1:10:03] So that's it.

[1:10:05] That's it for another Shocktober.

[1:10:06] It's a wrap on Shocktober.

[1:10:08] If you guys are looking for something, if you're in New York and looking for something to do on Halloween

[1:10:11] and want to get a beer bought for you by us, come to Charlene's Bar.

[1:10:15] And if you're looking for something to listen to while you're working on that green screen video,

[1:10:18] why not try another podcast in the All Things Comedy Podcast Network?

[1:10:21] Sure.

[1:10:23] You got anything else?

[1:10:23] Sure, guys.

[1:10:24] No, that's it.

[1:10:24] Okay.

[1:10:25] one last pervy thing to say before we go

[1:10:28] this movie's been

[1:10:28] this episode's brought to you by

[1:10:32] The Purge go check it out or don't

[1:10:33] probably

[1:10:34] brought to you by The Letter Purge

[1:10:37] for The Flophouse I've been Dan McCoy

[1:10:39] I've been Elliot Kaelin

[1:10:41] and I'm not Stuart Wellington

[1:10:44] goodnight everyone

[1:10:55] I mean, I'm going to recommend Friday the 13th, Part 3, Dream Warriors.

[1:11:02] Or wait, no, that's Nightmare on Elm Street.

[1:11:03] Freddy's dead, the final Friday the 13th.

[1:11:07] Good one, dude.

[1:11:09] That was almost as good as one of my stuttering jokes.

[1:11:15] I'm going to recommend Jason X, Freddy in Space.

[1:11:17] Supergon 5, Jason, Voorhees, Freddy.

[1:11:21] Wait.

[1:11:22] Wait, let me go back to the beginning.

[1:11:25] Leprechaun in the Friday the 13th

[1:11:27] Dr. Voorhees

[1:11:28] PhD

[1:11:29] it's a medical drama starring Jason

[1:11:32] but he's a PhD for some reason

[1:11:35] so he's not a YC

The Flop House: Episode #137 - The Purge

Transcript

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