The Flop House: Episode #138 - Foodfight!

[0:00] We're through the Oogieloves here, people.

[0:03] We discuss food fight.

[0:31] Hey everyone, welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:35] Hey Dan, how's it going?

[0:37] What's going on, man?

[0:39] Wait, you beat me?

[0:40] I'm introducing myself to you two guys.

[0:42] Look, Stuart, you snozzed and you lost, okay?

[0:45] All the way from Leopard's Place, Brooklyn, this is Flophouse.

[0:50] What?

[0:51] That is too detailed.

[0:52] All the way from Brooklyn, it's the Flophouse.

[0:55] Flophouse Studios.

[0:56] Featuring Dan McCoy.

[0:58] As Dan McCoy.

[0:59] Stuart Wellington.

[1:01] As Stuart the Man Wellington.

[1:03] And Elliot Kalin.

[1:05] As himself.

[1:07] With musical guests.

[1:09] The Captain and Tennille.

[1:11] And now here's your host, Dan McCoy.

[1:15] Wait, we didn't do that silly.

[1:17] Hello.

[1:18] No, so Dan.

[1:19] It's me, Dan McCoy.

[1:20] No, you gotta do a monologue.

[1:21] Hey, it's great to be here.

[1:23] We've got the Captain and Tennille.

[1:25] You guys see this in the news?

[1:27] Have you ever seen Saturday Night Live?

[1:29] They don't have that kind of monologue.

[1:32] Okay, it's great to be here.

[1:34] I'm the Captain and Tennille.

[1:36] I'm here promoting my movie, of course, Food Fight.

[1:40] Is that the movie?

[1:41] Okay, so what are we doing on this podcast?

[1:43] This is a movie that we podcast.

[1:47] This is a really bad movie.

[1:49] Every week, I mess it up.

[1:51] Every two weeks.

[1:52] I partly blame you guys.

[1:55] Yeah, because we go into your brain and step around with little boots on?

[1:59] I think it's time we have a little rap session here, guys.

[2:04] We're rapping.

[2:05] Real talk for you.

[2:06] We're rapping about a podcast.

[2:08] The podcast is called the Flophouse Podcast.

[2:10] That's what we do, and we're about to put in your ear balls

[2:13] a little story about a shitty movie that we just watched.

[2:16] Okay, and what was the name of that movie we just watched?

[2:18] This is a story all about how our lives got flipped, turned upside down,

[2:22] by watching a movie called Food Fight.

[2:24] Well, maybe you've heard of it.

[2:25] Food Fight is the worst movie ever made.

[2:29] It's become something of a minor Internet sensation

[2:32] in that it's been mentioned on the Internet before.

[2:34] This is a surprisingly high-budgeted animated film starring

[2:39] Over $60 million?

[2:41] A $65 million budget.

[2:43] And the sky was dark, for all the stars were in Food Fight.

[2:47] And by stars, actually, there's a pretty big cast.

[2:50] You've got Charlie Sheen.

[2:51] You've got Hilary Duff.

[2:52] You've got Eva Longoria.

[2:53] Here's Cloris Leachman.

[2:54] Chris Kattan.

[2:55] Who else is in it?

[2:56] Christopher Lloyd.

[2:57] Ed Asner.

[2:58] Jerry Stiller.

[2:59] Ed Asner.

[3:00] Did you say Eva Longoria?

[3:01] I did say.

[3:02] Larry Miller.

[3:03] Wayne Brady.

[3:04] Hot off of the success of Oogie Loves comes Christopher Lloyd.

[3:07] And Cloris Leachman.

[3:09] Back again.

[3:10] Hot off the success of Delgo comes Chris Kattan.

[3:13] Hot off the success of whatever Hilary Duff does is Hilary Duff.

[3:17] Yeah, I mean, she does animated shit, right?

[3:20] She should be a young lady.

[3:22] Well, she has a digestive disease, and she poops animation.

[3:25] When Stewart says she does animated shit, he's actually right, but it's a serious disorder.

[3:29] Oh, he's picking apart every word I said.

[3:32] Yep, I did.

[3:33] I better watch out.

[3:34] It's called animated bowel syndrome, and it's a real danger.

[3:37] ABS is nothing to joke about.

[3:40] So anyway, this is a movie with a huge budget, huge cast,

[3:43] and some of the worst animation in the history of animation.

[3:49] If anyone listening remembers the Saturday morning cartoon show, Reboot.

[3:53] It was a show called Reboot.

[3:54] It was all computer generated because it took place inside a computer.

[3:57] At the time, it was kind of impressive, but now it looks really cheap.

[4:00] It looks like this movie, Food Fight, was made 25 years before Reboot.

[4:05] Yeah.

[4:06] The inexplicable nature of the animation and the frenetic nature of the animation,

[4:12] I likened it to if you've ever seen a Ralph Bakshi movie,

[4:15] there's always something crazy going on in the corner of the screen.

[4:19] Now imagine that's the main thing that's happening in the movie.

[4:22] Now imagine that was animated with the program that came with your PC,

[4:26] and it was done by your 7-year-old nephew with about 10 minutes notice.

[4:31] Well, half of it was done by your 7-year-old nephew.

[4:34] Half of it is done by the guys who do 3D animated porn.

[4:38] Yeah, there's a lot of female characters.

[4:40] Well, there's two female characters in this who look like…

[4:42] Inappropriately sexy.

[4:44] They are ridiculously inappropriately sexy to the point that the villainess,

[4:48] who's Eva Longoria is the voice of, who's supposed to be the sexy bad villain,

[4:52] the two different cheeks of her butt are sculpted so that when she's wearing a dress,

[4:59] you can still see her butt cheeks moving independently of each other.

[5:04] It sounds like impressive animation, but it's not.

[5:06] And then later on, she shows up for no reason in thigh highs and a Catholic schoolgirl dress.

[5:12] Yeah, it's a regular purge.

[5:13] So anyway, this is a movie that has an interesting history in that they poured a lot of money into it,

[5:19] and they figured they'd get a lot of money back because it takes place in a supermarket after dark

[5:24] when the products come to life.

[5:25] After dark? Only the freaks come out at night.

[5:29] So they have all these characters in the background who are product placement characters.

[5:34] There's like all these mascots.

[5:35] Mr. Clean.

[5:36] Charlie Tuna.

[5:37] Charlie Tuna.

[5:38] You got your…

[5:39] Mr. Clean.

[5:41] Statistically, you got your Hawaiian…

[5:43] Your Mrs. Butterworth.

[5:44] Your Mrs. Butterworth, your horror punch guy.

[5:45] Charlie the famous punchy.

[5:46] Yeah.

[5:47] Sorry.

[5:48] Come on.

[5:49] And then you've got the ones that I'm not sure actually belong to real products,

[5:53] like your flatulent Foreign Legion French cheese, your frog with a crown, your moose waiter.

[5:59] Your weasel that looks like a scrotum with two turkey legs attached to him.

[6:03] There's the offensive anti-Semitic giant nose guy.

[6:08] I'm not even sure what his product was.

[6:10] He seemed to have a nose-based business where he smelled things for a living.

[6:14] I mean he wasn't that anti-Semitic though.

[6:16] I just think he was…

[6:17] I mean he was a doctor.

[6:19] I mean what do you want?

[6:20] He basically was like, what I can do for you is this.

[6:24] This is all I can offer you.

[6:25] For you, half price, $10.

[6:28] Like…

[6:29] Pay no attention to my giant nose.

[6:31] But the hero of the movie played by Charlie Sheen and by played I mean that he seems to have spoken his lines…

[6:37] Showed up in a bathrobe.

[6:39] It's almost like they handed him a portable tape recorder and they said just say these whenever.

[6:43] So he did them when he was like tired and about to take a nap or when he was sitting on the toilet and bored.

[6:48] Commuting.

[6:49] Commuting, yeah.

[6:51] He's a dog detective.

[6:52] He plays the character…

[6:53] Not the gruff.

[6:54] That's his last name.

[6:55] The most famous dog detective.

[6:56] He plays the character Dex Dog Detective and that is his name, Dex Dog Detective,

[7:00] who has a human body but a dog's head and he dresses like Indiana Jones in some parts

[7:05] and like Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca in other parts.

[7:08] Just like your two most famous cinematic Nazi…

[7:11] Adventurers.

[7:12] Anti-Nazi people which will come into play later.

[7:14] Come into play later when they fight the Nazis.

[7:16] Yeah.

[7:17] So he is the hero adventurer of what's it called?

[7:20] Food Town or some shit?

[7:21] I don't fucking know.

[7:22] It's a supermarket.

[7:23] It's a grocery store.

[7:24] When the lights go out, the supermarket is transformed into a whole town that has like fields and a river.

[7:28] I've never seen something like this before.

[7:30] It's almost like somebody heard the idea of Toy Story then got hit in the head with like an I-beam

[7:37] and then like mumbled this while they were in surgery because they didn't give them enough anesthetic to keep them under.

[7:43] You know what children love?

[7:45] They love the grocery store and more than that, they love the cast of characters that opens the grocery store.

[7:51] It opens with this elderly grocer shutting down the store for the night and as the lights go out,

[7:57] as if like, well, the fun's over for the day.

[8:00] The carnival's leaving town for another year.

[8:03] This world of magic and whimsy that is a food store.

[8:07] This is preceded by the way by not even a real title screen.

[8:10] There's just like an animated thing that says Food Fight just like a DVD menu screen.

[8:15] Yeah, no, it looks like the production company is named Food Fight.

[8:18] It looks like the Food Fight Productions made this title-less movie.

[8:23] They're shutting down the supermarket with a wistful air because like you're saying,

[8:26] the circus tents are coming down.

[8:28] The roustabouts are packing it all up.

[8:30] All good things must come to an end.

[8:32] The food clowns are taking their makeup off.

[8:34] The ground is salted with the tears of the children who've had to leave.

[8:38] Yeah, the ball team is packing up their lockers for the last grocery store game of the season.

[8:43] It is, it's so, it already has this wistful feeling for something no one has any emotional connection to,

[8:50] which is shopping for groceries.

[8:52] Then the lights go down, and the lights come back up.

[8:55] And unlike Toy Story, which creates—

[8:58] Takes place in the real world.

[8:59] Yeah, creates magic out of the things that we see every day.

[9:02] Is that because we've slipped into another dimension?

[9:05] Well, that's the thing.

[9:06] The grocery store has transformed into an entirely different place where there's like churches.

[9:12] There's like a Russian Orthodox church, a field.

[9:17] There's an Empire State Building or a Chrysler Building or something.

[9:21] It seems like it's this kind of—

[9:22] There's probably a Jewish temple because of the—

[9:24] Since there's so many Jewish characters.

[9:26] Let me just reveal at the end that it's—

[9:27] Well, there's a nightclub and a—

[9:28] It's revealed at the end that Dex Dogtective is Jewish, which makes no sense.

[9:33] Because Dogtective is not a Jewish name.

[9:35] Well, they changed it at Ellis Island from Dogtective with.

[9:38] But he does always wear a hat, that's true.

[9:41] Now I understand, because he's showing his humility before Yahweh.

[9:46] Sorry, I should have said Adonai.

[9:48] But anyway, besides the point.

[9:50] Hashem.

[9:51] Let's just call him Hashem, shall we?

[9:53] That's the proper Jewish name for him.

[9:55] But the—

[9:56] So it's the—

[9:57] I think it's like a pocket universe that all grocery—

[10:00] through stores lead to because when a food product icon and theyíre called ìikesî

[10:04] in it and when you have Nazi characters running around saying, ìKill all the ëikes,î itís

[10:10] a little too close to the actual slur for Jewish people.

[10:14] I didnít expect to be watching this animated movie about food mascots coming to life at

[10:19] night and feel like a palpable feeling of anti-Semitism.

[10:22] Theyíre like, ìKill all the yods, all those terrible yods.î

[10:27] Theyíre called ìjawsî because people eat them with their mouths.

[10:46] Dex Dogtective is the adventurer who keeps food town, letís just call it safe, heís

[10:53] in love with a human woman with cat ears and named Sunshine Goodness who is a mascot

[11:05] for a raisin company and has an uncomfortable number of almost upskirts constantly and I

[11:12] think one of you guys are saying sheís like the beginner figure for trying to get a guy

[11:17] into being a furry, sheís just like a sexy woman with like cat ears, thatís nothing.

[11:22] Then a few years later, youíre like, ìOh man, this picture of a cat next to a picture

[11:26] of a human vagina, letís do it for me.î

[11:28] Like what have I become and it all started with Sunshine Goodness.

[11:33] The weirdest thing is later on, they show a picture of the product that she is the ìike

[11:38] for.î

[11:39] Iím not comfortable with that term.

[11:41] I can use the term ìike.î

[11:44] Is that okay?

[11:45] Yeah, yeah.

[11:46] Okay.

[11:47] Thereís nothing cat-like about her on the box.

[11:49] No, yeah.

[11:50] Sheís just like a human woman.

[11:51] Itís almost like she adopts that in order to, I guess, beÖ

[11:54] Fade in with the animals.

[11:55] Can I just finish with this?

[11:56] So itís a little bit less weird that sheís in love with this Anubis jackal-headed guy.

[12:03] It is true that when you die, Dex Dogtective weighs your heart against a feather.

[12:07] Can I just see if youíll make it into heaven?

[12:11] While youíre talking about the product that Sunshine is the ìike for,î can IÖ

[12:17] Again.

[12:18] I mean, we have to keep saying it.

[12:19] Can I just point out, I looked on IMDb, the one piece of trivia for Food Fight, or not

[12:26] trivia, actually onto the goof section, the one goofÖ

[12:29] Because otherwise, flawless.

[12:31] 99%.

[12:32] The one goof that IMDbÖ

[12:35] This takes it down from an A+++++, to just an A+++.

[12:40] That they list is, ìDex Dogtectiveís love, Sunshine, is supposedly the face of a raisin

[12:47] brandÖî

[12:48] And she keeps throwingÖ

[12:49] It wonít even take the movie at face value.

[12:52] ìÖsupposedly the face of a raisin brandÖî

[12:54] And she keeps throwing raisins at Dex that he eats.

[12:56] ìÖand occasionally gives Dex a dog raisins.

[13:00] It is a well-known fact that raisins are toxic to dogs.î

[13:03] So that is the one goof in Food Fight.

[13:06] But anyway, so Dex Dogtective is in love with Sunshine Goodness.

[13:09] He also has a best friend named Dan Daring, or something like that.

[13:13] I mean, Dan Daring is a comic book character, butÖ

[13:16] Like Danger Dan.

[13:18] Danger Dan, or Dynamic Dan, or something.

[13:20] Heís a squirrel that looks like a monkey, which is significant because heís a racist

[13:24] black character.

[13:25] Heís Wayne Brady playing a black character, and itís weird because he must be the mascot

[13:28] for like a chocolate product, which we never see, because heís constantly making chocolate

[13:33] puns.

[13:34] When he talks to women, heís like, ìOh, I want to put some chocolate frosting on your

[13:37] cake.î

[13:38] When you ejaculate chocolate on them.

[13:40] He cries chocolate chips at one point.

[13:43] He cries chocolate chips, which must hurt like hell.

[13:45] The chocolate chips coming out of your tear ducts, just tearing through the mucous membrane.

[13:50] Pushing them out.

[13:51] And also later, and this will make more sense at the time, no it wonít, when he meets a

[13:55] blind elderly gay bat, the bat keeps sniffing going, ìMmm, chocolate.î

[14:00] Well, you smell delicious.

[14:02] But anyway, so Dex Dogtectiveís in love with Sunshine Goodness.

[14:06] He wants to propose marriage to her, but becauseÖ

[14:08] Who wouldnít?

[14:09] Because his friend DanÖ

[14:11] Oh, this is after he saved Food Town from a character called the Fat Cat Burglar, who

[14:15] is clearly a rat, who has a bunch of sidekicks who are Kung Fu Guinea Pigs.

[14:20] Yeah, and this never comes back into play other than establishing Dex Dogtective as

[14:24] an adventurer.

[14:25] Well, the Kung Fu Guinea Pigs show up a lot.

[14:28] They show up, but like, this is like the equivalent of the beginning of a James Bond movie where

[14:33] he has an unrelated adventure.

[14:36] This is just to show us that Dex is indeed not just named Dogtective, but is a real dogtender.

[14:40] So youíre saying that the director knows his stuff.

[14:42] Yeah, heís made his bones.

[14:45] No dog pun intended.

[14:48] So anyway, yeah, this is just like Tintin.

[14:51] Tintin.

[14:53] So Tintin.

[14:54] Heís a real Tintin.

[14:56] The Adventures of Tintin.

[14:58] Thatís what an old lady said.

[15:01] Tintin!

[15:03] I love that Tintin and Snowy.

[15:05] Tintin is so fun.

[15:07] Those two French brothers who are Lisa something and the old sea captain.

[15:12] I just love that Tintin.

[15:14] And his mysteries in the Russia or China or the moon.

[15:18] Looking for treasure.

[15:19] Heís a real reporter.

[15:21] I always hope he finds enough treasure so he can retire, because itís such a dangerous,

[15:26] dangerous career being a boy reporter.

[15:29] Iíll say, itís so hot.

[15:31] Itís hot out today, I must say.

[15:34] Makes your body feel like just lying around and reading some Tauntaun.

[15:40] More, another mint julep, another Tauntaun, please.

[15:43] This is now my most favorite character that exists in the world.

[15:46] The old southern Tauntaun, Tintin.

[15:48] This old lady who doesnít exist.

[15:50] An old lady southern who loves Tintin.

[15:53] I just love the clean art style of Herje.

[15:57] Of Herje.

[15:59] Heís my favorite Belgian cartoonist, although theyíre all so good.

[16:03] I used to say thereís nothing good came out of Belgium but the waffles, but I was wrong.

[16:07] I was wrong.

[16:08] Thereís that clean line art style and that adorable boy detective.

[16:12] A reporter.

[16:13] Iím sorry, itís so hot today.

[16:16] I should sit down in this Tauntaun carcass.

[16:19] Iím not this mailman on the outside.

[16:22] I shouldnít keep you anymore.

[16:24] I know youíve got a lot of mail to deliver, but you get me talking about Tintin.

[16:28] We get so few mail callers around these parts.

[16:32] And my husbandís all cold to me these days in his old age.

[16:37] Why donít you sit a while, Iíll read you some Tintin.

[16:40] See where things go.

[16:43] Tennessee Williams.

[16:44] Itís Tin-Tin-See Williams.

[16:45] Thatís what it is.

[16:46] A cat on a hot Tin-Tin roof.

[16:49] A cat on a hot Tin-Tin roof.

[16:53] Stewart got up and left.

[16:59] Oh, man.

[17:01] What are we doing?

[17:03] I donít care.

[17:04] It led to this beautiful moment.

[17:08] Tin-Tin-See Williams cat on a hot Tin-Tin roof.

[17:13] Tin-Tin roof.

[17:14] Tin-Tin roof.

[17:15] Well, I donít have a southern accent.

[17:17] The character does.

[17:18] Itís like when people say enchilada and they donít have a Spanish accent.

[17:22] Itís like when any Spanish character, I guess Mexican, I donít know, character, Cuban maybe,

[17:27] character on Dexter who any time they say anything in Spanish, theyíre like,

[17:32] ìOh, youíre feeling sick? How about I make you my sopa de pollo?î

[17:35] Yeah, they just accent the hell out of it.

[17:38] But anyway, so the ñ

[17:40] I donít know.

[17:42] Oh, yeah, so heís an adventurer.

[17:44] Heís a dogtective.

[17:45] Heís in love with this girl, but heís about to propose to her,

[17:48] but then his friend crashes his biplane because of course heís a squirrel.

[17:51] He has a biplane and distracts them.

[17:53] Yeah, while his Italian moose buddy was setting up a nice dinner for him.

[17:57] And in all the bedlam, is that when Sunshine Goodness disappears?

[18:00] She disappears, and then thereís the most surprising flash forward since the Bratz movie.

[18:05] Thereís a title card that just says six months later.

[18:07] So weíre dealing with a character whose girlfriend is missing for half a year.

[18:10] Yeah.

[18:11] The woman he loves, and his response to that, he hasnít been able to find her.

[18:15] So he quits being a dogtective and becomes a club owner of the ñ itís called, what, Casa Banana?

[18:22] Yeah.

[18:23] And from now on, a lot of it is a Casablanca shitty parody about mascot food products.

[18:29] Yeah, because there are two things that kids love.

[18:31] Itís branded food products in Casablanca.

[18:34] And movies from before their parents were born.

[18:37] Oh, boy.

[18:40] So itís ñ whatís going ñ oh, this ñ so he runs this club, the Casa Banana.

[18:45] All the food ñ itís everybody comes to Dexís.

[18:48] Thatís what it is.

[18:49] Including a sexy, I guess, human lady?

[18:52] A sexy human lady who is clearly evil from the first moment she shows up.

[18:57] I donít remember her name.

[18:58] Voiced by Eva Longoria.

[18:59] So also still evil.

[19:01] What?

[19:02] Evil Longoria, as sheís known.

[19:05] But, yeah, in the real world, in the non-branded supermarket world.

[19:11] Wait, what?

[19:12] In the real world?

[19:13] Yeah, yeah.

[19:14] Meanwhile, in the real ñ

[19:15] Christopher Lloyd lurches into the grocery store.

[19:17] Yeah, in the grocery store that we saw close up earlier, wistfully, because all the dreams had gone to sleep.

[19:24] This guy lurches in with his henchmen, and heís forcibly replacing all of the storeís products with something called Brand X.

[19:31] And he literally lurches around like a spastic monster.

[19:35] It is all the drama if in just a normal play or movie you had one of the monsters from the Mighty Morphing Power Rangers just wander on the set.

[19:45] Itís like that level of subtlety.

[19:48] Heís got a huge head and crazy googly eyes, and itís not even like itís herky-jerky animation.

[19:53] No, itís like heís palsied.

[19:55] Yeah, they animated this character to have a palsy of some sort where he canít control his bodily movements.

[19:59] And his penis.

[20:00] Pulls are pointing in random directions and it's Christopher Lloyd. So like, you know, you feel bad already. It's mr. Crazy

[20:07] Crazy

[20:10] Since like suburban commando, I've been feeling kind of bad

[20:15] so any

[20:16] Different issue. Yeah, but uh, so they're replacing everything with brand X

[20:20] Even though the old man doesn't really want to and so it turns out but let's let's take a slow down a moment to clarify

[20:27] We're going pretty slow. It took a lot of time out for a cat on a hot tins in room

[20:35] The heroes are

[20:37] Name brands. Yeah, and the villain is the generic. So yeah, the the villain is very pro-capitalist

[20:44] Pro big business. The villain is the what we have to assume is the cost-effective budget brand. Yeah

[20:50] Yeah, it's strange for this movie to take a big business stance since it made so little money

[20:55] Yep, it's really this was an independent film a passion project one has to assume

[21:00] Yeah, he was so in love with the idea of a dog having sex with a cat woman

[21:05] You think that was why this movie was made some one guy had a fetish and it's like I gotta figure out a way

[21:10] I assume he saw an animation online

[21:12] Unlike you porn or something of like an animated lady having sex with an animated dog man

[21:17] And he was like there's a kid's movie in this and over time

[21:20] They whittled down the sex scenes and turned it just into action scenes where food is thrown at people if I can figure out a way

[21:26] To put a ton of product placement into this we can finance the biggest sex fetish

[21:33] biggest budget furry porn ever made so anyway

[21:36] So Christopher Lloyd's crazy palsy man is replacing everything this lady has come in and she tries to seduce Dex dog tective

[21:44] but instead

[21:46] Suddenly Ikes are being found dead in the streets and they literally have sheets over them like they're dead and that when you when you don't

[21:53] When a mascot dies his product disappears, I guess. Yeah, there's some sort of interdimensional mascot magic

[21:59] I still don't get so the person like the the person's dead. What is the product half?

[22:04] What what does that matter to them because there's a kind of spiritual link between the two?

[22:08] So I'm not the same way. Well, if like their product sells well, like yes

[22:14] Longer more money

[22:16] Imagine that the product is the mascot is Elliot and the product is ET

[22:21] They have a mental link so that like if one of them sees

[22:25] John Wayne kissing in the quiet man

[22:27] The other one kisses when like a mascot gets drunk his product is lurching around, you know that kind of thing

[22:33] Okay, so if the product does well, they'll do well. Yeah, I think so. It doesn't really make sense. Okay

[22:40] Thanks, so so anyway, thanks for clearing up the metaphysics

[22:48] Characters just bounce around forever in Dexter detective can fly at various moments seemingly without any explanation

[22:54] So it's pretty clear that the woman is the head of brand X. She starts bringing in her very explicitly Nazi based

[23:01] Army, you know to take out the brands that she says are inferior

[23:06] Lenny Riefenstahl style shots by which you mean the camera flying around like crazy and people just sticking their faces into it

[23:13] I think you mean

[23:15] Yes, I think me more Ron Howard the Grinch esque shots

[23:18] No, but I mean there are like shots of armies massing from above

[23:24] Eagles flying. Yeah, literally in this case the Iron Eagles are robot mosquito monsters

[23:29] Which we barely see the one cool thing in the whole movie and they barely enter anyway

[23:34] Destroyed by giant gum balloons later on

[23:38] But so lady has a tango with Dexter detective for some reason for some reason

[23:42] They have a tango in which they in which they it's like a sexy like banter

[23:46] Tango between a hero and villain that also involves destroying accidentally everything in the room

[23:51] So like they knock over her fish tank. They knock over a cage of birds

[23:54] They get a computer wet and it explodes like none of it makes any sense

[23:58] But usually also that scene happens like at a place where say a tango was already happening

[24:03] Yeah, no, it's like a dance like saying true lies. We're at a fucking dance ball. Yeah, but this is just like oh

[24:09] I guess we should tango now because this is what happens

[24:13] The whole movie feels like one of those dance balls

[24:16] It's not if the movie including with the human characters feel like a lot of these bad movies where?

[24:22] Someone has heard of a movie. They've never really seen one like this guy had a movie recounted to him once

[24:27] Oh, they tango that point. I guess all movies have tango. Yeah, it's like

[24:30] How can we jazz this scene of two characters just talking to each other? Let's just mention here

[24:36] Let's have them do a tango

[24:37] So the villain is heavily over sexed like huge boobs

[24:41] Like very like the butt again, like we said both cheeks rendered, but they just won't quit him. All right guys

[24:46] Yeah, yeah

[24:48] There's a ton of like really inappropriate innuendo that the characters make there's a lot of what the thing I've complained about on this podcast

[24:55] Before we're like someone says like hey

[24:57] Chip happens when a bag of chips falls over. It's like they say a guy goes

[25:03] Better ease up on that potato juice before you get chip faced

[25:06] It's like fuck you like a kid's movie shouldn't have puns on shit happens or shit face like what the fuck first off

[25:12] It's lazy. You're teaching a kid to make lazy crappy jokes

[25:16] Yeah, he doesn't know that me he shouldn't know what that little something for daddy

[25:22] What's for daddy is the sexy lady and the near and the all the possibility of upskirts

[25:28] That's what we have it. That's for that's for a lonely single parent daddy later on

[25:32] Do you shamefully masturbate after the kids have gone back to their mothers and leaving behind not but the copy of food fight?

[25:39] He bought at the grocery store for a dollar think he was a Pixar movie. Okay, repeat this chapter

[25:44] I guess over and over and since the kids taking one look at it knowing they would have no interest in it never watched it

[25:49] But said thanks dad. Can we go outside and play with mom early?

[25:53] He just we go outside and play with sticks

[25:56] He sits there in the mid-afternoon as his kids play in the dirt outside

[26:01] Lazily sadly masturbating while crying to this supposed children's animated film. Oh, that's your so that's your ideal food fight viewer

[26:09] I guess yeah, so anyway your demographic break

[26:12] That's how a daddy makes the lemonade out of lemons

[26:18] So Dexter detectives gotta get to the bottom of it it takes forever

[26:23] They go into the real world briefly where where they get the computer to a computer. This also involves them

[26:29] There's like a horrible ugly old lady who throws meat who of course Leachman is the voice of and they fight her briefly

[26:36] You they am they encounter the real a real-world mother and baby, which is the single most horrifying grotesque thing

[26:43] I think I've ever seen now

[26:44] Let's be clear

[26:45] There are several images in this movie that we simply cannot do the number of times that we and not to sound like other

[26:50] You know another film podcast have to steal their thing

[26:53] But another times that we just said what while we were watching it was the highest yet. Yeah, you like oh god, there's

[27:00] you the

[27:02] experience of watching this movie really is like

[27:04] Well, let's say you took some drugs and like stared at a

[27:09] Hieronymus Bosch painting. Well, maybe Oogie loves was playing in the other room like I know

[27:15] Concentrating on a on a farmland milk container. Yeah, cuz they're heavily covered in this

[27:20] It's very difficult to just express the frenetic

[27:23] craziness

[27:25] Every shot the cameras swirling around the characters have no sense of physics or gravity

[27:30] No one saw the way

[27:34] Constant shots of characters just thrusting their faces into the camera or falling down while like muttering things to themselves that might be jokes

[27:40] But you can't quite make them out

[27:42] I watch a lot of movies and listen to a lot of music for pleasure that's designed mainly to make you uncomfortable

[27:48] None of it compares to this movie to the moment

[27:52] There's a certain level of horror that you just can't achieve you can ever forget

[27:56] this and nothing

[27:59] The scariest thing about it was someone made this not intending to horrify and disgust us

[28:04] like if someone

[28:06] if someone drew that

[28:08] Someone drew that baby and that mother which of these horrible grotesque like a racer head thing

[28:14] It's worse than the Steven Gemmell drawings for like scary stories

[28:20] Someone created that to like freak out the squares be like, all right, whatever

[28:25] But the fact that it's in a kids movie and supposed to be fun

[28:28] The one thing that that saves the moment where they're in the real world is that Dex uses the power of a flying soda bottle

[28:34] Which again is never explained it. I guess it's supposed to be like falling and he glides on it

[28:43] He's like Norin rad on his silver surfboard just likes just surfing the spaceways

[28:49] Except it's a full bottle of grape soda just in midair in a grocery store and they can't let anyone see them because they might

[28:55] Trouble but they just fly right through a guy's legs and the guy just keeps walking like

[29:01] And then at some point somebody use a meat cleaver or something and wax off the cap of the soda

[29:07] So that propels it further. Yeah, but it was flying before that

[29:12] So anyway through a flying soda bottle

[29:14] They meet a computer and also an elderly gay bat with bad eyesight played by Larry Miller in by far the best performance

[29:22] He is the one performance that would I would call a good performance in his voice is a delight in this

[29:28] He brings way more talent to the to the part of the elderly gay bat

[29:33] It was a mascot for I have no idea Larry Miller who has like a bowtie attached to his chest for some reason

[29:38] Larry Miller is a tremendously funny guy who in movies unfortunately got relegated

[29:44] Over and over again. I feel like you're playing like the like angry Dean character or something or the creep but

[29:51] Man what like what what a funny guy?

[29:53] What a charming guy and and every joke that he has as elderly gay bat in food fight

[30:00] Yeah, like I did this I've been a fan of Larry Miller for many years since I was a kid and like to see him in

[30:06] This it was like oh no

[30:08] But it only made me kind of more of a fan of him

[30:10] But he was able to make even this the moments. He's on it at least or like mildly not enjoyable, but like bearable

[30:21] It's the moment when the torturer stops stabbing you in the in the eyeballs with

[30:27] Yeah, it's that it's that sweet relief of the pain stopping for a couple seconds as as it then returns

[30:33] Takes a breather and drink some Gatorade

[30:36] Yeah, cuz it's got the electrolytes he needs

[30:40] As you said Elliot if you could watch a whole movie about the adventures of an elderly gay back if you he's wearing like a

[30:46] disc a 70s disco version of like

[30:49] Let Bella go see his Dracula tux

[30:51] He is so like easygoing and droll and likable and he's just like it and he's so weirdly

[30:57] Attracted to the Wayne Brady squirrel character in a way that seems at first like he wants to eat him

[31:02] but then it is clearly sexual like it's clear that he's attracted to him romantically and

[31:07] It did like Larry Miller just has this way of delivering his lines where it's like hey look. I'm a bat

[31:12] I can't see that well. I'm elder

[31:15] You get used to it. I'm here. I'm queer. I'm a bad get used to it

[31:18] And you can you compare it to like we've touched on Charlie Sheen's super phoned-in performance

[31:25] And but it's it may have been just his answering machine message

[31:29] And they cut it up and re-edited it into lines

[31:31] So like like Wayne Brady put so much effort into his role of what danger danger Dan and Chris Kattan who plays the part of a?

[31:38] Penguin who's always cold like puts a little bit of energy mumbles the craziest shit

[31:43] I did not understand anything. He said a couple times

[31:46] He says something about friends saving him or that's what friends are for

[31:50] But then it was like he thought he was the main character of the movie and the moral the movie was friends stick together

[31:56] But he wasn't and it wasn't there's a lot of scenes where I feel like they didn't realize each person doing their performance

[32:03] Didn't realize they weren't the only person doing a crazy voice in the same

[32:08] So it's like crazy mumbly voice and then another one

[32:11] So you're saying it's like a bad improv show where everyone's gonna be the wacky one in the skin

[32:15] No, like all of the characters are animated frenetically

[32:18] All of them are doing crazy voices and the cameras going apeshit, dude

[32:22] And by the way, there is the camera thinks I better jazz this thing up because it's not very crazy

[32:27] So I better loop around a lot and there's no unification in the character design every single character

[32:32] Looks like they're starting in a different

[32:34] Yeah, it's it it feels like they brought the characters on remainder from it from a series of a lot of failed animated

[32:40] Walk down the grocery

[32:45] So anyway, let's give it a plot they just briefly they meet an elderly gay bad

[32:49] They talked to an IBM computer and they learned that

[32:53] These that brand X is recalling all of these products doesn't make sense

[32:57] Only the company that makes a product can recall it, but whatever brand X is doing it

[33:01] They brand X is consolidating its control Dex dogtective comes back and decides to lead the resistance

[33:08] They have a parody of the Marseillais

[33:13] Horst Wessel snow isn't the horse was a song, right? I don't know. Oh, maybe is the horse was on do a fight scene

[33:21] I don't know. I don't think maybe it was I can't remember but uh

[33:26] The it's really bad, but it's they're also singing along to the singing to the tune of the Marseillais

[33:32] Yeah, but other words about about being mascots

[33:36] But and it's one of the things where the villains are infiltrating in such an easily villainous way

[33:42] They literally march an army and they're torturing animals

[33:45] There's a scene where that this poor elephant who looks like Max Rebo who I guess is a mascot for a toothpaste

[33:50] They literally are gonna torture him with a dentist drill

[33:53] At first it looks like they're trying to create feuds between the different types of mascots

[33:58] But then they're just fucking killing mascots left and right

[34:00] Being evil and

[34:02] Dex comes back and he leads the foods in a fight and I thought this was the climax of the movie

[34:08] I thought this was the end of the film

[34:09] They have an enormous food fight, which is literally just the different the sides taking turns just hurling food at each other forever

[34:19] Exploding and the bad and the characters falling down and then getting up and just throwing the same fucking foot

[34:25] Also like not stuff that makes sense as you pointed out like you've got like people shooting pickles at each other on those pickles

[34:31] Exploding gas and you're like there's mustard mustard gas right there. Yeah, like when you get hit with a pickle

[34:38] It doesn't explode in a puff of gas

[34:41] Part of the joke of Pixar movies is like they find things that are appropriate to the thing that they're doing

[34:47] We're just movie just like I guess whatever food we throw will just explode if they have made with cream canisters

[34:54] gas, yes

[34:56] Ketchup is just catch

[34:58] But I'll kill you but it kills you I'll put

[35:02] There's no mess at all. That's the thing about a food fight guys. Is it makes a mess?

[35:07] One of the guys taught me anything

[35:12] Great and often surprise you

[35:16] That boobs will appear in the most shocking of places

[35:24] In a movie that has

[35:26] Teased you with the idea of boobs for an hour and a half and then suddenly pays that tease off in the best way

[35:33] Possibly the best boobs mate. Yeah, well, let's just say it. You know what? I'll just nominate that for best boob reveal scene ever

[35:43] It's that it taught me if you put socks in your crotch

[35:46] Sherilyn Fenn will go apeshit for it. She goes crazy

[35:50] Loves it. She's just gotta have it. She's gotta have those socks. I

[35:55] Went there's some guy it's like this in the jerk when Steve Martin thinks the guy is shooting the cans instead of shooting at him

[36:00] somebody saw just one of the guys was like

[36:02] socks

[36:03] Ladies go crazy

[36:05] Of course

[36:08] Anyway, what we're talking about just one of guys taught you anything is that food fights leave a mess

[36:11] It leaves a mess and this movie leaves no mess. They didn't want to render all the splatter

[36:15] So they just didn't have it there. Yeah. So anyway, there's a big food fight that goes on forever. They fight the robot

[36:23] insects

[36:24] It's all it's all stupid it takes and there's the running joke a long a couple of them die

[36:29] I think there's a very short evil general on the bad side and tea

[36:33] So there's all that there are three bad guys and there are a whole army

[36:36] The three bad guys are the sexy lady the inappropriately sexy lady

[36:40] Then there's this guy. It's at least sexy lady, right? There's this guy who had others for baddies. I'm sorry sexy lady

[36:47] there's the guy with lizard skin who is man turned on by pain and does a weird kind of

[36:53] Claude Rains Ed Grimley jr. Boris

[36:58] James Mason type Royce Ryan. I'm gonna say James Mason not Claude Rains, James

[37:02] Eh, and then there's the really short general who's a coward and his pants

[37:07] Short and then there's

[37:11] Is that what he is he's a potato I honestly couldn't understand what they were supposed to be

[37:15] So they fight with food for a long time and then the movie should be over right? No Dex has another idea

[37:22] They're gonna put they're gonna cut the power to the main building

[37:26] Which will somehow cause a lightning storm that will explode the building

[37:30] So they have to put the pudding tinfoil lightning rods in the shape of different things on the roofs of their buildings

[37:36] And it's all done to the song about how they can do it

[37:38] Like they're gonna go for the bright side and the right side or something like that. It doesn't make sense. Anyway

[37:44] Long story short. It turns. Mr

[37:46] Knows the anti-semitic guy who's the anti-semitic caricature whose job is just smelling things

[37:52] Finds out also that there's an additive in brand X that makes it addictive and toxic

[37:57] But also brand X is really plain and boring. So it's the really addictive food. That's super plain and doesn't taste good

[38:04] Don't buy generic food guys, but they find out that that's actually an extract from sunshine. Goodness is blood. I guess I don't know

[38:11] They're extracting some juice from her that they're injecting into their food to make it taste to make it addictive

[38:16] I don't understand

[38:18] This is the point in the podcast where people are taking their earbuds out saying like, okay

[38:22] The three of these guys just hallucinated. They're like, okay

[38:25] Oogie loves was a fucking checkoff play next to this like it was a model of narrative construction

[38:32] Yeah, Oogie loves was a separation next to food fight. But anyway, so they're so they're

[38:37] They're what do they infiltrate that building?

[38:40] There's this weasel named like cheesy weasel who voiced by the director of the movie who is no one else could bring that character

[38:48] Delight who's supposed to be like the Peter Lorre Ugarti character from Casablanca

[38:52] But he also a frenetic turn, but he's constantly getting like like a scrotum crossed with the weasels from who framed, right?

[38:59] Yeah, it's like if the weasels from Roger Rabbit were reincarnated as a hairy scrotum with legs and a long neck that could like

[39:06] Turn around like a serpent. Yeah, but the animation wasn't good enough to actually animate that hair stretching

[39:12] So they just kind of stretched the skin

[39:15] Yeah, and he often you see his face the idea is that his neck is so long that his body is far away in his

[39:21] Face is close to you, but the way they framed it. You don't see the neck

[39:23] So it just looks like he has an enormous head on a tiny body

[39:27] Anyway, he sneaks in

[39:30] Through the sewers. He cuts the power the building goes nuts

[39:34] Dex dog detective comes in with a grappling hook and breaks all the back to cloning tanks that they're using with sunshine

[39:41] Goodness is secret essence. I don't know

[39:43] He manages to save her they escape from the building when danger Dan

[39:48] Finally pulls off the loop-de-loop that he fucked up in the beginning of the movie ruining it Dex's proposal then

[39:54] Evil like the never you know, it's it turns out comes full circle. It turns out to loop

[40:00] Then suddenly, the bad guys have been destroyed except giant Christopher Lloyd

[40:04] is somehow in Food Town.

[40:06] Wait a minute, I thought he was a person in another universe.

[40:09] We thought so too. It turns out he's a robot.

[40:11] He's giant in Food Town.

[40:13] At this point we were like, what the hell is going on?

[40:15] It turns out he's a robot and Evil Longoria is inside his head.

[40:18] It turns out Evil Longoria was the mascot for a genetically modified prune brand.

[40:24] Yeah, she went to Brazil to get plastic surgery to become beautiful.

[40:28] It's a common story.

[40:30] They're like, you're an Ike, how did you get the humans to help you?

[40:35] She goes, when you have a body like this, it doesn't matter what size you are.

[40:38] Size only counts for men.

[40:40] There's this shot of the gay bat looking at the squirrel.

[40:43] It's like going, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[40:45] There should be a shot of the three of us with our fucking faces in our hands.

[40:49] Our jaws dropped.

[40:52] Not in the Tex Avery Wolf turned on way.

[40:55] I can't understand.

[40:57] I can't comprehend what I'm seeing.

[40:59] It's too much gay innuendo for this children's food branding movie.

[41:04] There are times in this movie when it's like you're a child and you pick up an adult's book.

[41:08] You know there's information in it.

[41:10] There's pictures occasionally, but you can't read it.

[41:12] You don't know what it means.

[41:14] To somebody, this means something.

[41:16] To you, it's incomprehensible gibberish.

[41:19] That's what this movie is like.

[41:21] I feel like I've stumbled into a sub-basement that's owned by a serial killer.

[41:26] I see all this crazy shit on the walls, and I can't make sense of it.

[41:29] I know it's horrifying.

[41:31] To him, there's some evil logic.

[41:33] Why are the eyes cut out of all these pictures?

[41:35] It's like reading the Codex Seraphinianus or something.

[41:37] Anyway, so she starts attacking Dex.

[41:43] They're like, he won't fight a woman. He's too noble.

[41:46] He's not going to do it.

[41:47] Sunshine Goodness, who's supposed to be the nicest, sweetest character, goes,

[41:51] I'll do it, and then beats the shit out of Eva Longoria.

[41:54] And beats her so hard that her plastic surgery breaks.

[41:59] And she becomes an ugly person again.

[42:01] Which is always hilarious.

[42:02] And frankly, I felt a lot of sympathy for her.

[42:04] Even though she's come in as a Nazi and tried to kill everybody,

[42:07] everyone's like, ha ha, you're ugly.

[42:10] And it's like, okay, so the heroes of the movie are making fun of an ugly person?

[42:14] Yeah, I wonder why she got plastic surgery in the first place.

[42:17] Yeah, with all this fucking peer pressure, making fun of her.

[42:20] And then it ends with Dex, Dog Detective, finally proposing to Sunshine Goodness.

[42:24] And have the Jewish wedding of their dreams.

[42:26] And then during the credits, it cuts to their Jewish wedding,

[42:29] where he steps on a milk carton at the end.

[42:31] Because milk's addictive, right?

[42:34] It's the booze of their world.

[42:36] It's like Alien Nation, right?

[42:38] Yeah, yeah.

[42:40] You step on a wine bottle, but you step on a wine glass.

[42:42] But it's not full of wine.

[42:43] Wait, you don't step on milk at a Jewish wedding?

[42:45] You don't step on milk at a Jewish wedding, no.

[42:48] Most Jewish weddings don't even serve milk.

[42:52] What weddings do you serve milk?

[42:54] Because they want to have a meat dish.

[42:55] It builds strong bones.

[42:56] It does, that's true.

[42:57] It builds very strong bones.

[42:58] Do you go to a lot of weddings where you just order a glass of milk?

[43:01] Yeah, all the time.

[43:02] One milk, please.

[43:03] Sure.

[43:04] I toast with it.

[43:05] Hey, Aunt Beru, give me one of them milks.

[43:07] Give me a plastic cup with milk in it from a space cow, Aunt Beru.

[43:11] Uncle Owen, you told me about how that vaporator's broken.

[43:13] I've got to fix it tomorrow before I go to Tashi Station.

[43:16] It's the Owen and Beru Catering Company.

[43:21] It's all organic, vaporator-fed meat.

[43:24] Oh, okay.

[43:26] And R2-D2's the waiter.

[43:28] Anyway, C-3PO's the bartender, of course.

[43:31] Anyway, so they have their Jewish wedding where they play an off-brand version of Hava Nagila.

[43:36] Like, even that sounds terrible.

[43:38] And then they cut to a pop song that is basically the off-brand version of I'm a Believer by the Monkees.

[43:44] Yeah, and wow, and we're just sitting there being like, what did I see?

[43:49] And then during the credits, there are a bunch of gags featuring the characters we've grown to love that mystify us yet again.

[43:57] I wonder why they – like, I'm sure they made Dex Jewish as a joke.

[44:01] But, like, I wonder if it was like, you know what, we're going pretty heavy with the Nazi imagery.

[44:06] Let's make sure no one thinks we're Nazis.

[44:09] We'll make Dex Jewish at the end.

[44:11] And at the end, there's a joke about Sunshine Goodness is like, I want to see what's under your hat finally,

[44:16] and takes off his hat, and there's another hat underneath.

[44:19] And it's like, I didn't even fucking realize he had a hat on the whole movie.

[44:23] Like, was it supposed to be a running gag, but he's always wearing a hat?

[44:25] I was so entranced by his weird dog head.

[44:27] This weird half-man, half-bargier hybrid.

[44:30] Yeah.

[44:33] Look, we've gone so long on this movie because it is so inexplicable that I think that we need to go straight to final judgments.

[44:40] And that is the question of the night.

[44:42] Is it a good-bad movie?

[44:44] Is it spookily good-bad?

[44:45] No, no. Is this a good-bad movie or a bad-bad movie?

[44:47] It's not. It's Shockvember now.

[44:49] Oh, it's Shockvember. That's right. It's Turkvember. Turkey Day.

[44:52] Is it a good-bad movie, a bad-bad movie, or a movie you kind of liked?

[44:54] Elliot, what do you have to say?

[44:56] Oh, man. It doesn't get any bad-badder than this.

[44:59] It's one of those movies that's so bad that Dan at one point was like,

[45:02] I want to share this with people because it's so bad because you feel like you want proof that you went through a thing.

[45:10] It's like I assume when someone comes back from a war and they're like,

[45:14] I'm glad you didn't have to go through what I went through.

[45:16] I feel so much closer to you guys right now.

[45:17] But I wish you could have experienced it so you'd know what I experienced.

[45:20] It's so bad, so poorly written, so poorly animated, so poorly voice-acted except for Larry Miller.

[45:27] So poorly – like everything about it is poorly made.

[45:31] It's a movie that feels like an animation demo reel for a very shitty software company.

[45:36] And somehow they got all these famous – I mean they got famous after they had a huge budget and they didn't spend any of it on the animation.

[45:44] For all those reasons, that's why I'm saying that it is a good-bad movie.

[45:48] Oh, no!

[45:49] Because it is – look. It is inexplicable. It is a movie that's –

[45:55] To get to the point where it is good-bad for the viewer, you have to sit through like an hour and ten minutes of it until you enter some kind of delusional state.

[46:03] Well, it is difficult to make fun of simply because it is so difficult to follow.

[46:09] Like a really good good-bad movie has a clear narrative thrust, and this movie is so frenetic for a lot of it that it is not necessarily that.

[46:19] But it is so weird.

[46:20] It's very weird.

[46:21] It's such a strange, off-putting, crazy experience that I'll say it's a good-bad movie because it is unlike anything that you'll ever do in your life.

[46:32] If you see only one movie about a dog saving the world of food mascots from a sexy Nazi, make it Food Fight with a gay elderly bat in it.

[46:44] I feel like most good-bad movies –

[46:46] Where are you going, Stuart?

[46:48] I think I'm actually leaning closer toward good-bad movies.

[46:51] Really?

[46:52] I feel like most good-bad movies have one or two really strange off-the-wall things that people kind of latch on to, but there's no grounding in this movie.

[47:03] It's so strange and horrifying to look at.

[47:06] You know what? You're turning me around, both of you. I'll say good-bad also.

[47:11] I do not recommend watching it on your own. You will get no pleasure from it.

[47:16] It's not good-bad the way I thought that Bullet in the Head was good-bad.

[47:19] It was like, that was stupid fun. That was bad, but it was like – there were things that were just –

[47:24] It's not even good-bad in the way that The Room is good-bad where it's the light from start to finish, how inept it is, but it is a baffling experience.

[47:32] I will say this is a new category that I'll call an experience.

[47:39] It's hard to rate this on the regular scale of good or bad because it's very bad, but it's a singular moment in human history.

[47:47] You're through the looking glass on this one.

[47:49] Yeah, and on the other hand, it's nothing but dogs having sex with cat women.

[47:53] Before we move on to letters –

[47:56] And black squirrels having sex with elderly gay bats.

[48:00] Before we move on to letters, there are two things I want to address with people.

[48:05] Number one, just a reminder –

[48:07] Are you firing us, Dan?

[48:08] No, just number one, just a reminder that the video contest –

[48:13] You did a great job. You're fired. Nice haircut.

[48:16] No, the Flophouse House Cat video contest –

[48:18] The Flophouse House Cat video contest is still on.

[48:20] He's the house cat, Arthur's theme.

[48:21] Yeah, it's still on. Go to the –

[48:23] There's some good stuff out there so far.

[48:25] Go to Flophousepodcast.com to download both the green screen footage of us goofing around and He's the House Cat parenthesis Arthur's theme to make your video to enter in the He's the House Cat contest.

[48:39] There's been some very good entries, so the bar is set very high, so I say put a lot of effort into this, and what do you win if you win, Dan?

[48:47] You get a Flophouse t-shirt and the chance to choose a movie for us to flop on a podcast.

[48:53] All America is ducking from the gauntlets being thrown.

[48:57] Yeah.

[48:58] Well put. Well put.

[49:00] But for further –

[49:01] Well put.

[49:02] That was an Elliott style thing I just said.

[49:04] But for a further explication of the contest –

[49:07] You say stuff like that all the time. Yeah?

[49:08] Go to Flophousepodcast.com to the blog section.

[49:12] To our new website?

[49:13] To our brand new website.

[49:14] Our brand new beautiful website.

[49:16] If you want to see something professional done on a computer, watch Food Fight.

[49:20] Yeah.

[49:21] Or go see our website.

[49:22] Courtesy of a new web designer, Naaman Hampton.

[49:25] Thank you for putting that together.

[49:27] You did a fantastic job.

[49:28] It looks great.

[49:29] Way better than the shitty one you put together, Dan.

[49:31] I apologize to everyone.

[49:32] That ugly – what was that, blog spot?

[49:33] It was a blog spot.

[49:34] Terrible.

[49:35] How long do we have that for, six years?

[49:36] Oh boy.

[49:37] Anyway, moving on to the other announcements.

[49:39] Naaman did a great job.

[49:40] What's the other big announcement?

[49:41] Are we all getting married?

[49:42] When's the deadline for the House Cat video contest?

[49:44] It is December 1st.

[49:45] Okay, December 1st, two days before my birthday.

[49:47] The other announcement is that –

[49:49] December 7th.

[49:51] Our next episode of our show, we will be taking part in a new thing,

[49:57] which is a podcast pod crawl.

[50:00] This is a this was proposed to us from our friends over at the read it and weep podcast, which is

[50:07] three three podcasts read and weep ourselves and

[50:12] proudly resents

[50:14] three bad movie podcasts will be covering a

[50:18] Linked series of movies and those movies in this case will be these Star Wars prequels

[50:24] So read and weep will to be doing episode one classic movie

[50:27] We will be doing episode two next and proudly resents. We'll be doing episode three

[50:32] So if you want to do the prod pod crawl, you can listen to those three consecutive episodes out read it and weeps

[50:40] Premiere with of the pod crawl with Star Wars episode 1 the phantom

[50:46] Minotaur so we don't we don't have to watch that and we'll be doing attack of the clowns

[50:50] And then finally, it'll be number three on our brother's ends revenge of the

[51:02] Revenge of the Scythe

[51:04] So those are the two announcements. Also, here's a third announcement. What there's some kind of weird podcast

[51:13] There's some kind of Las Vegas podcast award to something and we're nominated for

[51:17] Podcast awards that kind of and we're nominated for a movie podcast

[51:20] So we'd appreciate it if you would go and vote for us in the movie podcast category. There's some stiff

[51:27] Competition

[51:31] So three things to remember one make your video for the house cat contest to

[51:36] Check out read and weep for the beginning of the pod crawl, which will be the part two in it's a pod crawl

[51:40] Flophouse sandwich and three vote for us at podcast awards comm in the movie category Dan

[51:47] Now it's time for the flop house movie mailbag and I'm just gonna break it down guys. We don't have time for a song

[51:52] Let's keep moving. Yeah, so this first letter time for the letters first letter here the first letter of the year

[52:01] Not really

[52:11] What would we do baby

[52:18] Here's a time for love in a time for letters, let's open the mail bag

[52:24] You can have a letter here or put it there time for the bag

[52:28] time for the bag

[52:30] Whatever happened to the letters?

[52:33] the milk man the paper boy

[52:37] All right

[52:39] Thank you for being a mailbag travel down the road and back to bag your heart is letters

[52:54] And the letter door to do do mail bag

[53:03] Show me that letter

[53:05] Again

[53:07] Don't waste another mail bag on the song and singing. All right, so this first letter is

[53:14] sign fell

[53:17] Letters first letters from dr. James a last name of hell. Hey there James. It's a long. I mean dr. James

[53:25] Mr. Dr. James goes back a little while

[53:28] He says he says I just invented fire

[53:31] I've been a listener of your fine podcast for quite a while and I've always enjoyed your commentary

[53:36] Thanks James

[53:37] It was a real treat to see that commentary in action at the showing of jaws for the 92

[53:42] Why now back in back in the summer? Oh, no, July. That's right, June

[53:46] It was a fantastic show and immensely entertaining

[53:48] But there was something missing from the proceedings something mincing and I feel it would be professionally remiss of me if I didn't bring it up

[53:55] The treatment of the novelization of jaws the revenge was treated with scant if any attention

[54:01] And I think you and the organizers all owe it to yourselves to pick up a copy and read this piece of work

[54:07] Is it on Kindle? I consider myself

[54:11] Something of a jaws head something of a 20th century American lit ie difficult literature

[54:19] a

[54:20] literary professional the novelization of the jaws for

[54:24] In plot points alone rivals anything I've encountered in my studies graduate or otherwise

[54:31] It contains digressive plots within digressive plots arranged to a point of confusion that would make pinching blush

[54:37] There are a few brief diversions into magical realism

[54:40] The action of visual elements are so simultaneously heightened and flattened that they appeal more that they appear more pastiche of action

[54:48] Adventure cliches an actual attempt to compose action adventure in effect jaws

[54:52] The revenge may just be the epitome of the postmodern novel

[54:56] If you'll allow me I'd like to present this itemized list of the main reasons to read the novelization of jaws the revenge

[55:04] number one

[55:05] Once the action moves to the island a voodoo priest with a grudge against Michael

[55:10] Engages in a ceremony which creates a psychic link with a shark

[55:13] Nobody thereby merging his vengeance seeking activities with that of the natural world

[55:20] So much that each loses a piece of himself

[55:24] The priest becomes part shark and spirit what as the shark becomes part human to break it down to simpler terms a voodoo

[55:31] Priest possesses of the shark now that actually makes more sense than the movie in which the shark just happens to know there's a grudge

[55:38] Just has a grudge and then try it still travels 3,000 miles an angry shark

[55:42] Like a video game angry sharks we get several digressive chapters the beginning of the book

[55:48] narrating

[55:49] From the Sharks point of view the trip from Amity to the Bahamas

[55:53] Number three, there's a long involved subplot so long and involved. That's really more of a main plot of the novel

[56:00] Detailing a hoagie's dealings with a Colombian cartel that uses the Bahamas the point of departure for some of these drugs to the u.s

[56:08] Number four I'd read that

[56:10] Attended to this adventure. There's another long digressive description of speedboats detailing

[56:16] How speedboats are made how they're driven and why they're optimal for smuggling drugs to the u.s. From the Bahamas number five

[56:24] Attendant to the speedboat subplot. There's another subplot about a hitman character who is similar to the voodoo priest begins to reflect these sharks

[56:33] naturalist view of the universe using naturalism in the 19th century literary sense

[56:38] Number six Oh giving the backstory of the hitman character

[56:42] We the readers are treated to a whole chapter on the grueling process of transforming cocoa leaves into cocaine powder

[56:49] Number there's a lot of filler in this book. No, they just put pamphlets in

[56:52] Yeah, number seven finally to get back to the main point a booty priest controls the shark. Yeah now you're talking

[56:58] I hope you'll take this all into consideration and take a chance and read this bizarre book. Thanks very much for the podcast and a live

[57:04] Show yours. Dr. James a last

[57:09] Against Michael for some reason, okay, but you don't have to take my word for it. Check out jaws for the revenge at your local library dumpster

[57:16] dad I doubt

[57:19] I do want to read that now. Yeah, this second letter is titled a suggested trademark for Dan McCoy

[57:29] Dear original features

[57:32] Although the flap house community has failed to give Dan our condolences over his recent knee injury

[57:36] I'd like to suggest a way in which I think no longer that reason

[57:40] Away in which our hobbled hose knee injury is almost old enough to celebrate a birthday. It takes a full year to heal

[57:46] But whatever

[57:48] While attending the most recent bad movie night screening of jaws at revenge

[57:52] It was a sad sight to witness the flappers beloved question mark host Dan McCoy

[57:57] Slink behind the screen and around the stage to join the audience for the movie all that bitterness and disappointment in his life clearly tip the

[58:05] Scale, it was too bad. We Elliot and I just jumped right off

[58:08] Hopped up there on the stage. Yeah, it's spinning. Okay

[58:12] Actually jumped onto my hands and then did a handspring up onto the stage

[58:17] I want to be your shoulders and then you did the old fastball special on me

[58:22] both your knees

[58:25] I actually did a slide on my knees towards the lip of the stage as if to say knees. Are they great?

[58:30] It can long no longer stand to house itself in the dark recesses of his mind

[58:35] Instead manifesting itself as a painful crippling injury in his knee to counter all the disturbed and perverted thoughts forever

[58:42] Forever circulating his head. It's like the brood, but it's just your knee getting hurt

[58:45] What a contrast when compared to Stewart who sat in front of me during the movie and blinded me with his boozy ethereal glow

[58:53] Which in radiance could only be rivaled by the inexplicable halo around Lorraine Gary while Ellen Brody was vacationing the Bahamas

[59:01] This indicate that both she and Stewart are sharing a menopausal romance for a man named Kogi

[59:08] I'll leave you to be the judge. We both want hoagies in our mouths

[59:15] Meanwhile there was Elliot the troll who is not worth talking about

[59:20] Observing Dan I recall the long ago discussion about what his shtick would be

[59:24] Perhaps his sorrow is built over the years because the podcast format has deprived him of one of his greatest comedic tools

[59:31] props his knees

[59:35] And whatever what better prop in his current condition than a cane I'll refer you back to the classic

[59:42] Kogi from jaws of revenge

[59:44] I'll refer you back to the classical classic news radio episode the cane where Phil Hartman learned the unlimited benefits of a cane including pointing

[59:51] Twirling and brandishing it like a sword went out for a stroll use Bill McNeil McNeil's classic line

[59:58] Beautiful day out there

[1:00:00] perfect Cain weather

[1:00:02] Please consider the possibilities

[1:00:04] With that said thank you for the wonderful evening of all the shows. I've been seen recently, New York

[1:00:09] None have left me so bruised by laughter as the bad movie night quite literally after three hours of commentary

[1:00:15] PowerPoint presentations of Michael Caine cameo and a live reading of LA's jaws slash taking a Pelham screenplay

[1:00:21] That was fun

[1:00:22] My jaw felt sore

[1:00:23] Those were either big laughs or I'm a morose bastard whose inability to smile and feel joy rivals only one man alive

[1:00:29] I think he's talking about me

[1:00:32] The shame that my friend the shame is my friend and fellow flopper Christopher could not attend despite the advance notice he had

[1:00:40] Using studying the bars as a fuse. Meanwhile, I was sitting two rows from David Cailin

[1:00:45] I think it's clear sports star extraordinaire. I think it's clear which was the better evening once you consider how much

[1:00:52] Unwanted sports trivia. I was sitting so close to yeah, you left with its lethal case of sports

[1:00:59] That was yours Charlie last name withheld. Thanks Charlie. Yeah, glad you enjoyed the Cailin. That was a real slam-dunk

[1:01:08] David Cailin would say touchdown

[1:01:11] Mm-hmm

[1:01:14] As David Cailin would say I'm envious of my brother

[1:01:21] As David Cailin say read my letter on your podcast

[1:01:26] Nothing great I yesterday I heard something true

[1:01:29] Nothing brings me great

[1:01:30] No few things can bring me greater joy in the fact that there's this sports writer

[1:01:33] Who follows me on Twitter and my brother follows him? I don't follow him. I don't care about sports

[1:01:39] And I think he listens a podcast and thank you very much for listening

[1:01:42] But it's just like I love that. My brother follows this guy who will mention me occasionally on Twitter. Can't escape me Dave

[1:01:49] We're running late. So one last letter. This one's titled

[1:01:53] prophesying in night Shyamalan's plagiarisms

[1:01:57] Mm-hmm

[1:01:58] Dear original peaches, that's us in the podcast for knowing instantly a movie about predicting disasters

[1:02:05] Yeah, you guys they couldn't predict knowing you guys

[1:02:09] collaboratively predicted with uncanny precision the plot of M night Shyamalan's after earth and

[1:02:15] You even predicted he would steal it back from Alex Price who stole it from him

[1:02:21] Excerpted from your conversation now, he has a little playlist here where we have as we play ourselves

[1:02:25] I feel like we should play each other. So, okay

[1:02:28] Well, you play Stewart, okay, I'll play Elliot and sir, you played the hand, okay

[1:02:34] Okay, so I'm Stewart. Okay. Yeah, you can call it earth to or earth, dude

[1:02:39] I thought the meow V was really good a real twice down there and that ending a bit and night

[1:02:45] Shyamalan was watching that really mad

[1:02:47] You stole my twist, it's true, it's me, M night Shyamalan

[1:02:54] No

[1:02:56] Guys, if M night Shyamalan made the movie it would be totally clear at the end of the movie that the planet

[1:03:03] We see is actually

[1:03:06] Earth and there'd be a big sign that said welcome to earth earth original dudes

[1:03:13] Population

[1:03:15] To and now I'm just gonna ad lib is Stewart for a little bit cowabunga party course light, dude. Yeah

[1:03:22] What's the use?

[1:03:25] Boobs, please

[1:03:27] Sure, I'm basically you order to

[1:03:31] So

[1:03:33] The email ends, please discuss your impending lawsuit if possible in a podcast about after I mean that podcast

[1:03:40] I'm sure it's forthcoming, but I want to I want to do after it's really bad that emails from Doug last name withheld

[1:03:47] Jones, I assume

[1:03:49] Thanks for writing in Doug and reminding us that M night Shyamalan owns owes us some money some scratch. Yeah. Yeah, I'm sweet cheddar

[1:03:59] That like cheddar cheese with sugar on

[1:04:02] It's cheddar that you have on top of a slice of apple pie. Oh man, so American that Dan McCoy

[1:04:08] So what's the next part of this fucking shit?

[1:04:11] Wow

[1:04:12] Waiter dismiss the podcast that has been your bread and butter my friend. Yeah, you're living off this thing

[1:04:18] I live off bread and butter

[1:04:20] We don't make a lot of money from the podcast. All you can afford is bread and some butter

[1:04:25] the next segment and the final segment is

[1:04:29] Recommendations movies that we enjoyed that we recommend that you watch instead of food fight

[1:04:34] I don't know. Should we just don't recommend food fight?

[1:04:41] Psychedelic mind freak

[1:04:44] Look it was food fights happening and it freaks us out

[1:04:51] Yeah, if you want to know what it's like if they hired David Cronenberg to make a kids movie and then David Cronenberg said

[1:04:57] No, this is too scary for me to work on

[1:05:00] I'm gonna jump in if you are looking to watch an animated movie and you watch food fight and it

[1:05:07] terrifies you and you feel

[1:05:10] Unclean and you want to feel better about yourself. I would go pop in a laserdisc of The Last Unicorn

[1:05:18] I mean that is on DVD

[1:05:22] Jeff Bridges and Mia Farrow

[1:05:24] Starring in with a soundtrack by America if you haven't seen The Last Unicorn, who the fuck are you? What's wrong with you?

[1:05:31] if you have

[1:05:36] It's great, it's the story about I guess The Last Unicorn

[1:05:45] You don't seem to know anything about it the last unicorns one of those movies I've seen so many times

[1:05:50] Beagle book of the same name and that's a book that I don't know. I don't know how you guys feel

[1:05:55] But it's a I've never read and I hear it. I read it, but I hear it's great

[1:05:59] But I'm nervous about reading it because I love the movie so much that it all I'm worried that it will

[1:06:06] Like I hear it so good that it will negatively affect my opinion. I don't know like I I read it

[1:06:11] I really liked it. It is maybe the most

[1:06:15] 1970s book that has ever existed

[1:06:17] So that may

[1:06:20] Corn white swamps prevent you from more than the shadow of the torture by Gene Wolfe

[1:06:25] We're two guys getting a duel with poisonous flowers

[1:06:30] It's it's a it's a very enjoyable book, but it also has like a weird fuzziness of the era

[1:06:37] Okay, it's pretty cool. So last unicorn. Do you recommend the sequel last unicorn to hey, we found another unicorn

[1:06:43] Hey

[1:06:46] It's also Mia Farrow, yeah, and it's

[1:06:52] Let's just say

[1:06:55] It's Wayne Knight and Rachel dredge

[1:06:57] They made it last year. Yeah

[1:07:00] It's the last

[1:07:02] Roberts

[1:07:03] Second to last you know

[1:07:05] No, no, the first last unicorn was the second to last unicorn. Okay, the penultimate that was the penultimate unicorn

[1:07:12] This is the ultimate gonna call it, but they realized that nobody understood that man

[1:07:16] Yeah, yeah, and say one of the super clear title like the last unicorn. Mm-hmm

[1:07:20] All right. I'll tell you that was my last recommendation guys forever

[1:07:25] Dan I'll recommend a movie that I had the pleasure of seeing on the big screen

[1:07:34] Anyway, it's called the internship I saw it at the Brooklyn Academy music was a Don John. I saw that

[1:07:42] No, I saw Godzilla

[1:07:45] Starring Matthew Broderick. No, no the original Japanese film

[1:07:51] Fam, so you mean goes here? Yeah, this is the this is the third annual

[1:07:58] Puppetry on film series that BAM has been doing co-sponsored by the

[1:08:03] Jim Henson Foundation and this was there just for public, you know puppets who didn't save enough money to retire on

[1:08:09] Yeah, this is the yes. This is the men in suits night. I watched

[1:08:14] Godzilla and

[1:08:16] aliens, which I don't need to recommend because I

[1:08:20] Sure, everyone is listening. Everyone's seen it and you haven't you stop listening right now and go see between the ages of 13 and 20

[1:08:27] I probably saw it about 30 times myself

[1:08:29] But it played like gangbusters on a big screen, but Godzilla

[1:08:34] this is the first time I've seen the original movie and

[1:08:37] What I knew that it was a somber movie I knew that it was a movie that dealt with

[1:08:42] sort of Japan's relationship to the nuclear bomb and and nuclear power in general, but

[1:08:49] yeah, it surprised me how much it was placed in kind of the tradition of

[1:08:55] serious Japanese post-war cinema in general like the tone of it is

[1:09:00] Very serious and then there's a giant lizard in it

[1:09:03] but you from that movie you would never guess that like

[1:09:06] Toys of Godzilla would become a common thing or that there'd be like a barbara cartoon. It is a very sad traumatic movie

[1:09:14] If you like that, you should also watch another movie that features men wearing giant suits. It's a movie called Pacific Rim

[1:09:20] Maybe you've heard of it

[1:09:23] Very serious dealing. I'll never forget the the the sadness of the moment where his giant sword cuts through the wing

[1:09:30] Of a giant monster and it's crazy that they made those monsters look so realistic with a guy inside of them. Yeah

[1:09:36] Yeah, no, not at all

[1:09:38] Okay, but uh, that is a good movie the original goes you and try to see that and not the Americanized version

[1:09:43] Yeah, I did not see the one that has Raymond Burr which for me as a kid. I must have watched the Raymond Burr Godzilla

[1:09:50] Several dozen times like I watched the Godzilla movies over and over again as a kid

[1:09:53] Yeah, judging by your letters the G fan

[1:09:55] Dozens of the reason I have a lifetime subscription to G fan

[1:10:00] I've been there.

[1:10:01] Look, I remember the days before it was a glossy mag, and I remember the days when it

[1:10:04] stopped being a glossy mag, but as an adult seeing the original Japanese cut when they

[1:10:11] first kind of re-released it to American theaters about 10 years ago or so, I remember what

[1:10:16] a shock it was to me and what like a revelation to see this serious treatment of this subject,

[1:10:24] and how much it really made less sense to me that a movie like Godzilla versus Megalon

[1:10:28] eventually came about, where it's just like a cartoon character fighting a giant bug monster,

[1:10:32] you know.

[1:10:33] Anywho, I'll recommend my movie now.

[1:10:36] I'm going to recommend a movie that may still be on Netflix instant right now, so you could

[1:10:41] literally watch it at this moment at your fingertips, and it's a movie called Walker

[1:10:46] starring Ed Harris.

[1:10:47] And you're thinking of Walker, Texas Ranger.

[1:10:49] I am not.

[1:10:50] It's a TV show.

[1:10:51] That's not a movie.

[1:10:52] It doesn't count.

[1:10:53] It's a 1987 film, Walker, directed by Alex Cox, and it's basically the movie that ended

[1:10:58] Alex Cox's big-budget filmmaking career.

[1:11:02] You may know Alex Cox from Repo Man, Sid and Nancy.

[1:11:05] He had, I think, just made Sid and Nancy, and they said, okay, we're going to give you

[1:11:09] a bigger budget, which was like $6 million or something, which at the time in 1987 was

[1:11:14] not an enormous budget but a big enough budget, and he said, okay, I want to make this period

[1:11:19] of film based on the true story of William Walker, who was kind of an American adventurer

[1:11:25] who traveled around Latin America overthrowing governments for the most part and went to

[1:11:29] Nicaragua in the 1850s and made himself dictator of Nicaragua for about two years before being

[1:11:35] overthrown and became increasingly unhinged as the movie portrays him, and I'm going to

[1:11:40] do it explicitly as a statement about America's current actions in Latin America and Nicaragua,

[1:11:48] and what comes out of it is this movie that is kind of like if Terry Gilliam made a history

[1:11:53] movie that had a political point to it where it's very over-the-top and there are funny

[1:12:00] moments, but it's also very stylized, messagey, and dramatic in a way that I liked a lot,

[1:12:06] and there are some action scenes that I liked a lot in it, but he uses purposeful anachronism

[1:12:12] increasingly as the movie gets on, like for instance, there's a scene I was not prepared

[1:12:17] for because I knew very little about this movie when I first started watching it where two

[1:12:21] characters are discussing that Walker has taken over Nicaragua and what they're going to do,

[1:12:24] and they're in a carriage. It's the 1850s, but they're reading copies of Time and Newsweek

[1:12:28] that have photographs of Ed Harris as Walker on the cover, and there's no close-up of the

[1:12:34] magazines. It's not called attention to like you have to notice it, and then the anachronisms

[1:12:38] become increasingly obvious, but they're not breaking the skin of the movie because they're

[1:12:44] clearly purposeful to the point where history and the present eventually collide to a point.

[1:12:50] In a lot of ways, it's a movie that's kind of like a political cartoon in film form,

[1:12:54] but I enjoyed it a lot. I thought it was really entertaining and interesting and

[1:12:59] not just something I was not expecting at all, so Walker with Ed Harris.

[1:13:04] Yep. Walker takes the screen.

[1:13:08] Sounds good.

[1:13:08] Oh, and Joe Strummer does the score too, so for all you Clash fans.

[1:13:12] Yeah.

[1:13:13] Nobody likes that band.

[1:13:15] Nobody, yeah.

[1:13:17] The only band that matters.

[1:13:18] You mean the only band that family matters. The Oracle band.

[1:13:23] Urkel.

[1:13:24] The Steve Urkel band.

[1:13:26] Stefan Urkel.

[1:13:27] When Stefan Urkel and Joe Strummer had that band together.

[1:13:31] So thanks for listening, and I think that brings another podcast to a close.

[1:13:39] Man, I'm so proud of us that Foodfight! didn't break us.

[1:13:43] Sure. We kept it pretty tight.

[1:13:45] No, we didn't.

[1:13:47] I mean, I don't know for sure that it doesn't break. I feel like...

[1:13:51] We should be talking about this after the show.

[1:13:53] If a week goes by where one of us doesn't go mad and start killing people,

[1:13:58] then we'll know that we conquered Foodfight!

[1:14:00] Yeah, yeah, that's true.

[1:14:01] Start bleeding from the eyeballs.

[1:14:03] If in seven days we're not all dead, then we conquered Foodfight!

[1:14:07] Scan the AP wires, guys. Make sure that we got through it okay.

[1:14:12] So, but until then, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:14:17] That's your cue.

[1:14:18] Okay, I'm still Stuart Wellington.

[1:14:21] And I will always be Elliot Kalin, no matter how hard I try.

[1:14:25] Good night, everyone.

[1:14:26] See ya.

[1:14:28] Would wanna be ya.

[1:14:38] Oh, can you feel the flop baby grow in there?

[1:14:40] It's kicking. The baby's kicking inside Dan's belly.

[1:14:43] Oh, God.

[1:14:45] Look, I've just had a few beers.

[1:14:47] I'm not pregnant.

[1:14:49] Yet. We'll see how this episode goes.

[1:14:51] High five.

[1:14:52] Take off our flop condoms.

[1:14:55] Condoms are already gone.

[1:14:55] Flop house condoms.

[1:14:58] Rust boing.

[1:15:00] Snigger.

[1:15:02] What? What is that?

[1:15:03] That's the sound of all your penis coming out of your pants.

[1:15:05] Oh, that's Wolverine's penis?

[1:15:06] Yeah.

The Flop House: Episode #138 - Foodfight!

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