The Flop House: Episode #140 - After Earth

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss After Earth, about a planet destroyed by the power of nepotism.

[0:30] hey everyone and welcome to the flop house i'm dan mccoy that was dan mccoy and i'm

[0:36] stewart wellington and that was stewart wellington and dan mccoy and i'm elliot

[0:40] kalin and that was stewart wellington and elliot kalin and dan mccoy and i'm dan mccoy

[0:44] well good night everybody this was the flop house podcast the flop house i was a little

[0:51] late on that one yeah so dan what do we do on the flop house uh it's a podcast okay so what

[0:55] you like listen to it thanks for establishing what we already know dumb shit i'm sorry that

[1:00] was totally uncalled for dan what do we do on the flop house dumb shit we watch a bad movie

[1:05] uh that happens prior to the taping yes and during the taping the part that you're listening to now

[1:10] we discuss that bad movie so they're listening to something we taped at a distant past but they're

[1:15] listening to it now much like the light from a star after earth what after earth is that that

[1:21] sounds like the title of the movie we watched oh boy that's because it is well oh boy indeed

[1:26] we watched the movie called after we watched a movie called afterbirth story of a placenta

[1:33] in a way to make it in the big city as a dancer

[1:37] it's called babe to placenta in the big city it just lays there it lays there on the stage

[1:46] Hey, quit your crying, kid.

[1:47] You want to grow up?

[1:49] Is that the bulldog that befriends him?

[1:51] The cigar-smoking bulldog that befriends the fetus.

[1:56] It's not a fetus.

[1:57] It's a placenta.

[1:58] No, that's terrible.

[1:59] They're very different.

[1:59] Sure.

[2:00] This is just the refuse.

[2:02] I don't know how you got on the list of top 10 OBGYNs in the country

[2:07] with that kind of mistaken knowledge.

[2:09] So, Dan, After Earth was the movie we watched, right?

[2:12] Yeah.

[2:12] This is an M. Night Shyamalan joint.

[2:15] Oh man, number three

[2:17] We were discussing, this is the third movie we watched

[2:19] That was directed by him

[2:21] And we've also watched one produced by him

[2:22] Elevator

[2:23] Devil Vader

[2:25] Evil Lift

[2:28] So it's like we watched

[2:30] Three and a half M. Night Shyamalan movies

[2:32] That's a terrible sitcom

[2:36] Three and a half

[2:37] Stars M. Night Shyamalan

[2:40] Another M. Night Shyamalan

[2:41] Another M. Night Shyamalan

[2:43] And then half of an M. Night Shyamalan

[2:44] So M. Night Shyamalan's in most of his movies

[2:48] I don't know about that

[2:50] He's in most of them

[2:51] He's not in The Happening

[2:52] He's not in The Sixth Sense

[2:54] He's gotta be in The Sixth Sense

[2:57] I think he is in The Sixth Sense but I can't remember

[2:58] Is he in Unbreakable?

[3:01] Yeah

[3:02] Wait hold on

[3:04] He's the doctor that like explains to her

[3:07] That her kid's fucking bones are made of glass

[3:09] Or some shit

[3:09] Or explains to Unbreakable that he's Unbreakable

[3:12] No I think it's the other way around

[3:14] He's like the director in the beginning

[3:15] Hold on, actor, filmography

[3:17] He was in The Happening

[3:19] He was in Lady and the Water

[3:20] He was in The Village

[3:21] He was in Science

[3:22] He was in Unbreakable

[3:22] He was in The Sixth Sense

[3:23] Who was he in The Sixth Sense?

[3:25] He was the Ursa

[3:26] An alien that tracks people by fierce mouths

[3:29] No, that's an actor

[3:30] He was Dr. Hill

[3:31] Jonah Hill

[3:32] Everyone's favorite character from that movie

[3:34] Dr. Hill

[3:35] We can all remember his catchphrase

[3:37] Hey, there's a bunch of spook-a-mops around here

[3:40] His catchphrase

[3:41] Who ordered the ghosts?

[3:42] Yep

[3:43] so after earth so it's but it wasn't advertised as a directed by m shamalan movie it was advertised

[3:49] as they've caught on that that's box office poison it was advertised as a will smith jayden smith

[3:55] box office smash uh tentpole film much like the pursuit of happiness except with more spaceships

[4:00] and mumbly language in a future accent that's hard to understand at times but with a proper

[4:06] spelling of happiness and uh you probably saw trailers for this along with trailers to oblivion

[4:11] They are not the same movie

[4:13] Even though they look very similar

[4:15] I get the feeling that I would enjoy Oblivion more

[4:17] They're also not the same as Elysium

[4:19] Even though those trailers look kind of similar

[4:21] It's got a robot suit I think

[4:22] And the costumes are not the same as Game of Thrones

[4:25] Even though they look very similar

[4:27] Yeah there's a lot of doublets

[4:28] A lot of slashed leather doublets

[4:30] Timeless

[4:32] Were you going to open a new clothing line that's mostly leather doublets?

[4:35] Steward slashed leather doublets

[4:37] You've heard of slash fiction

[4:40] Now you want something that isn't a story

[4:42] It's a piece of clothing

[4:44] Stuart slash leather

[4:46] Kind of a clunky tagline

[4:49] How about like

[4:50] You've heard of slash fiction

[4:51] These are the real thing

[4:52] No, it doesn't make sense though

[4:55] How about this

[4:57] Doublets, doublets, doublets

[4:59] Why settle for just one when you could doublet

[5:01] Yeah, exactly

[5:03] So anyway, Stuart Wellington slash leather doublet

[5:06] Soon to be in a gaming or cosplay store near you

[5:09] in case you want to dress up like a caveman in the year 1500 B.C.,

[5:16] which is not when cavemen were around,

[5:17] or a spaceman in the year 4000 A.D.

[5:20] You want to look like a Star Trek guy on the set of next year's Game of Thrones spinoff?

[5:24] Yep.

[5:25] What's next year's Game of Thrones?

[5:26] It's called Star Trek of Thrones?

[5:28] Yep.

[5:29] It's a prequel.

[5:30] So let's talk about it.

[5:31] This movie is set in the future after Earth.

[5:34] Yeah.

[5:34] We open with an explosion on a spaceship.

[5:38] Will Smith and Jaden Smith are in trouble.

[5:40] Jaden Smith is lying hurt in a forest somewhere.

[5:44] And I was like, you know what?

[5:45] This jumped into the action really fast.

[5:47] Like, that's not bad.

[5:48] Then the voiceover started.

[5:50] They're like a slap in the face.

[5:51] Like being hit with a wet fish.

[5:53] It's not just any voiceover.

[5:55] It's Jaden Smith doing a voiceover in this, like, mumbly patois future language they use.

[6:00] I want us to try to establish some ground rules because Jaden Smith is a teenager.

[6:05] He's a kid.

[6:06] He's a minor.

[6:06] Let's not hit him too hard.

[6:08] But let's just say off the top of the bat, he is totally without charisma or chops.

[6:13] I refuse to play by your rules.

[6:15] I just feel like we should be fair to someone who is not a legal adult.

[6:19] When I make fun of him for his inability to pronounce words in this movie, it's not his fault.

[6:25] It's the director's choice or whoever's choice to make it.

[6:29] To use some kind of future accent.

[6:31] It was hard to tell.

[6:32] Everyone had this weird future patois that we couldn't understand.

[6:35] Let's just say one thing.

[6:36] It was mumbly.

[6:37] It was not patois.

[6:37] Okay.

[6:38] No?

[6:38] A patois, to me, involves a pidgin language of some kind.

[6:43] They were not using made-up words.

[6:45] They were just pronouncing things slightly wrong.

[6:46] They were just pronouncing things as if they were from a weird part of Baltimore or Philadelphia.

[6:49] Yeah, where people walk around with stuff in their mouth.

[6:51] Yeah, where everyone is grappling their mouths and they drop a lot of letters from their pronunciations.

[6:55] Yeah, but I honestly could not tell a lot of the time whether it was the director's fault or whether Jaden Smith, as an inexperienced actor, just wasn't articulating as well as he should have.

[7:05] I think it's a little bit of both.

[7:06] It's an interesting accent that as soon as the characters become really emotional, they just forget about the accent entirely.

[7:13] It's something I call Keanu Reeves syndrome.

[7:15] Yeah.

[7:15] He could be from the South in a movie.

[7:18] He could be English.

[7:19] As soon as something big happens, he just sounds like a California surfer dude.

[7:23] Okay, so After Earth.

[7:25] should we say talk about the plot briefly there's not a lot of story in the movie but there's enough

[7:28] so in voiceover it's explained to us that environmental cataclysm as wikipedia describes it

[7:34] uh has made the earth uninhabitable and humans have gone off and colonized space especially a

[7:40] new world called nova prime yeah all stuff we don't really need to know we could have assumed

[7:44] wait there's even more we need to know we don't need to know a thousand years after that the

[7:49] united ranger corps which is basically just a bunch of soldiers you know it's like the army

[7:53] uh led by i guess will smith's character general cypher rage that's right that's an awesome name

[8:00] his first name is cypher and his last name is rage now rage is spelled slightly differently

[8:04] he has an eye in it yeah but otherwise his name still sounds ridiculous it sounds like

[8:08] like a 14 year old's idea for what his stage name is going to be when his metal band it's

[8:14] something when his metal band bone sex takes off like m night Shyamalan was sifting through

[8:19] george lucas's trash can and found the name cypher diaz and was like uh this isn't dumb enough

[8:26] let's make it cypher rage yeah cypher rage does sound like a terminator knockoff that you would

[8:32] have seen like in your video store like 1996 he's the hard-boiled space detective who hunts down

[8:37] eland's lee's bago or whatever and everyone has like little pieces of metal glued to their face

[8:42] cypher rage uh and everyone lives on the internet somehow but anyway there's aliens who attack

[8:51] humans and to do this they breed a monster called an ursa which is a blind you know basically kind

[8:58] of cat monster thing yeah it's like a i don't know it looks like uh it's kind of like it's not

[9:05] a bear right it's not a it looks if anything it looks like the kind of animals that were in wayne

[9:09] barlow's book expedition if anyone's seen that they got a bit it's got a bit of a i don't know

[9:14] like the bugs from starship troopers look to it a bit yeah but there's a little bit of like the

[9:19] monsters from cowboys and aliens it's like a big bald naked mole rat that's huge and it's got big

[9:24] teeth and no eyes and like spikes that it impales with crabby hands and it loves to impale people

[9:29] on tree branches like that's its m that's its serial killer mo yeah is that it impales people

[9:34] It looks kind of like an attempt to be a scarier version of one of the monsters from, I think it's Spirited Away.

[9:42] Okay.

[9:44] The thing with all the arms and like a big fat body.

[9:47] I guess so.

[9:47] It looks, yeah, yeah, I can see that.

[9:49] It's like a really low rent imitation of like a Guillermo del Toro monster in some ways.

[9:53] Yeah, but the point is.

[9:54] Or like a bad, it's like a bad Guy Davis design for BPRD where Guy Davis would be like, eh, this isn't so good and throw it away.

[10:01] It doesn't matter so much what it looks like, but what matters is what it does, which is it senses fear.

[10:06] It senses fear by smelling fear pheromones that are emitted by people when they see this hella monster coming towards them.

[10:13] And so Cypher has learned how to and taught the rangers to suppress their fear pheromones because, as he says, danger is real, but fear is a choice.

[10:22] And so the monster can't smell them, and it is invisible to the monster.

[10:26] This is called ghosting.

[10:30] It seems there's a ghost in the machine, and the ghost name is Cypher Rage.

[10:33] Now, wait a minute.

[10:35] So how does it go around the woods and stuff?

[10:40] Does it smell the fear of the trees?

[10:42] Yeah, it just bumps into shit all the time.

[10:44] And it does things to make people freaked out by taking people it kills

[10:49] and sticks their dead bodies on trees.

[10:51] That's called the Ursa signature in the movie.

[10:55] It has a tree sense.

[10:56] Yeah, there is a part where they're seeing if this Ursa is around,

[10:59] And there's a computer that detects whether the Ursa's signature is located.

[11:03] And it basically just means, are there any dead things stuck on trees?

[11:06] If so, then yes, it's an Ursa.

[11:08] But Jaden Smith plays Cypher's son named Katai, Katai Rage, who is in Ranger Cadet School and is the fastest runner of the group, as we learn in his opening scene.

[11:19] But unfortunately, he's good in exercises, but in the field, he falls apart.

[11:24] He still feels fear, and he is not promoted to Ranger Cadet.

[11:27] Which seems to be, like, the key skill you need to be a ranger, right?

[11:31] Because it's the only way to ghost.

[11:31] You've got to ghost around, man.

[11:33] Yeah, come on.

[11:33] That's what the movie Ghost was about, not being able to be seen by an Ursa.

[11:37] It's about how Patrick Swayze, yeah, could go around and tell that evil guy in the subway, played by, what's his face?

[11:45] Schiavelli?

[11:46] Yeah, Schiavelli, ruined his career as a ghoster by teaching him how to kick cans around.

[11:53] Yep.

[11:54] And the only thing that could stop Ursas was pottery-based romance.

[11:57] speaking of kicking cans our hero throws a lot of tantrums in this movie he certainly does

[12:03] it's there's it feels like every other scene has jayden smith smashing something or getting mad

[12:08] and crying or complaining about shouting to the skies yeah i should be a ranger anyway his dad

[12:14] is coming home for the first time in years his dad cypher rage cypher rage who's like a hero to

[12:18] everybody and he has to break the news to him that he didn't make it to ranger school cypher

[12:22] Rage goes, I get they have an argument

[12:24] like dads and sons do.

[12:26] Over dinner, so they made it

[12:28] kind of realistic. Yeah, where they're eating with their

[12:30] three-pronged space chopsticks.

[12:32] Because it's the future.

[12:34] And now here's the interesting thing.

[12:36] So much more work seems to have been put into the design

[12:38] of this movie than anything else. And they live

[12:40] in this future that's very white and

[12:42] organic. It's all made out of linen.

[12:44] Made out of flowing linen sheets

[12:45] and bamboo. It's this

[12:48] weirdly hippie-ish future.

[12:50] It's not organic enough for it to be

[12:52] like a cronenberg future no it's not like they're living in the guts of a giant building animal

[12:56] they don't like grow guns made out of pulsing organs or anything but if they did but it's all

[13:04] very soft it feels like this is what this if like if women ruled the world maybe this is what the

[13:09] future would look like no hard edges if bed bath and beyond invented a future well yeah that's

[13:13] mainly it too it's a future where that where they chose they had a scented soap and they said how do

[13:18] we design an entire civilization around this but also as i said during the movie like i feel like

[13:23] in a lot of futures like i guess in the future people don't have stuff anymore because everything

[13:27] is so like empty like people's apartments are minimal living you know it's this it's the small

[13:32] living movement yeah they're all buddhists that thing about owning a hundred objects and keeping

[13:37] it that way that's the law in the future of after earth what a dystopian horror it's a dystopian

[13:42] future where people are not allowed to own too much stuff can one of them be a double-ended

[13:46] blade staff? It has to be.

[13:47] Because that's the only way you're going to fight an Ursa, because

[13:50] guns apparently don't exist anymore.

[13:51] Sure, which would be... We never see one

[13:54] ever. You would totally want a gun, because

[13:56] then you could be way far away.

[13:57] You couldn't smell your fear, and you could fucking blast it.

[14:00] Yeah, come on, just shoot it up. Anyway.

[14:01] Like a missile launcher.

[14:03] It's the only way to be sure.

[14:05] So anyway, Cipher and

[14:08] Kitai have a fight, and Cipher tells his wife,

[14:10] I'm going to retire after this next mission

[14:12] where I'm going to some planet somewhere to deliver a

[14:14] big thing and he's and she says your son needs a father so he agrees to take his son katai with him

[14:19] on this mission doesn't he have plenty of time after he retires to spend time with his stupid

[14:24] son you'd think so but apparently they need to do it right now yeah uh so they go on this mission

[14:29] and katai is a total crybaby wuss everything makes him upset whether it's sitting in a chair

[14:35] or walking up to a big asteroid egg where there's an ursa inside of it yeah he walks into this area

[14:40] like he walks into this area that has a big sign that says hazardous area only like like uh what

[14:46] is it rangers only no jayden smith's allowed basically and he's like rules don't apply to me

[14:50] i'm the son of the star well that's the thing like that i am the star that's the point i made during

[14:54] the movie which was just like yeah sure jayden smith whatever he's a kid don't want to make too

[14:59] much fun of him but you do have to make his character not seem like an entitled kid if if

[15:05] we know that jayden smith is the guy like the son of the the son of will smith huge movie star who's

[15:10] making this movie basically to propel jaden smith into stardom like don't make him then like this

[15:16] kind of kid is like whatever signs don't apply to me i'm going in here you know like so you're

[15:21] saying he already has strikes against him yeah to get like if they just pick some random kid like a

[15:26] real jake lloyd off the street yeah you know a future star like jake lloyd well it's the same

[15:30] way that like this is 40 which i didn't see i gotta admit because i had no interest in it i feel

[15:35] like a lot of the criticism about it involves like this is just judd aptown his family we're just

[15:39] watching his family hanging out like there was this extra level of entertainment the movie had

[15:44] to reach to justify why are we watching a movie where judd apatow's just casting his kids in it

[15:49] and this is the same way with after earth like yeah jayden smith has to reach it up to a high

[15:53] enough level where we're like oh he does deserve to have a movie built around him beyond the fact

[15:58] that his dad is will smith and he's the only guy who could pull this mission off yeah i think wait

[16:03] wait jayden smith what what mission mission of being charismatic yeah but apparently he couldn't

[16:09] So anyway

[16:11] Elliot digging into Jaden Smith already

[16:13] Chill out bro

[16:14] He smells fear and he attacks

[16:18] I'm going to give him some constructive criticism

[16:21] Jaden

[16:22] Get more charismatic

[16:23] Focus your ability points

[16:27] In future experience games

[16:29] On charisma

[16:30] And not on dexterity

[16:31] Which you're very good at

[16:33] Clearly he outruns CGI gorillas

[16:35] Let's give your classic shit sandwiches

[16:37] As Stuart described it, you're very good.

[16:39] Okay, you're in great shape, Jaden, and I believed that you were running around and being fast.

[16:43] You're not that charismatic.

[16:44] Thank you for that comment, but explain.

[16:48] Well, I think you need to express to us the likability that the other people who cast you in this see within you.

[16:56] I'm hearing the words you're saying, but you're not making me understand.

[17:00] You're kind of a mealy-mouthed, petulant sort of person.

[17:03] You can maybe smile once during the movie, or show us a moment of humor or playfulness.

[17:09] The same thing that has made your dad a billion-dollar movie star.

[17:12] So I can make a couple of jokes, say things like,

[17:15] that wasn't cool, and you don't got it, dude, etc.

[17:19] Exactly. Yeah, great stuff. Great stuff, Shane.

[17:22] And now the other end of it, you're a fine-looking boy, and you'll grow up to be a handsome man.

[17:27] Thanks. So plenty of butt shots of me in this movie, right?

[17:29] That was the other thing. It seemed like M. Night Shyamalan was being paid by the butt shot.

[17:33] There's a lot of shots from below.

[17:36] Which, by the way, directors, that works in certain movies.

[17:40] If you're making a bikini car wash, that's a great way to be paid.

[17:43] Or if you're Tinto Brass, then yes, pay him by the butt shot.

[17:48] If you're making a movie Cheeky, which is about butts.

[17:51] Then yes, you'll make a lot off it.

[17:53] But if you're making an action-adventure sci-fi film.

[17:59] Wait, wait, wait.

[18:00] You can make an adventure sci-fi film

[18:02] that's also about butts out here.

[18:03] Yeah, but it would be like a porn parody

[18:07] like Flesh Gordon or something like that.

[18:08] You can't make a serious science fiction movie

[18:11] that is about butts.

[18:12] Unless it's called like...

[18:13] Barbarossa.

[18:14] Like Butt Invasion or something.

[18:15] And there's aliens.

[18:16] Except that's basically just Dreamcatcher.

[18:18] Think about how much better that movie would have done.

[18:22] That's a pretty serious sci-fi movie.

[18:23] It was called Butt Invasion.

[18:25] Or Butt Invaders.

[18:26] I mean, I certainly would...

[18:28] Like, my expectations would be where they should be, rather than me being like, oh, I'm seeing this high-class adaptation of Stephen King.

[18:36] Oh, wait, hold on.

[18:37] It's about butt weasels.

[18:39] I didn't know that.

[18:39] It's amazing that one man's adaptations can, I guess this is the way it is for many authors, but can encompass everything from The Shining to Dreamcatcher.

[18:47] And be pretty, pretty accurate to the source material, to be honest with you.

[18:52] So, anyway, they're on this spaceship.

[18:55] They go into an asteroid field.

[18:56] Oh, shit, we haven't gone to the crash yet.

[18:58] No, they're on a – I'll go fast.

[18:59] They're in a spaceship.

[19:00] They go through an asteroid field, and Will Smith is like, let's avoid this asteroid field.

[19:04] And the guys –

[19:05] I couldn't understand what anybody was saying.

[19:06] The co-pilots are – this is the mumbliest, lowest mixed part of the movie.

[19:10] He's saying, let's go through this – let's avoid this asteroid field.

[19:13] And the co-pilots are like, we're cool.

[19:16] Asteroids hit the space shuttle.

[19:17] They mumble techno jargon to each other for like a thousand minutes.

[19:22] It's really – it takes forever.

[19:23] Short story short, long story short, the spaceship crashes.

[19:28] story long story long uh so the gift of the magi is a tale i'll tell you over three hours let me

[19:35] explain first uh the reference of the magi the magi were the three wise men who who visited the

[19:41] christ child now the christ child is now there's a there's a messiah character in many different

[19:46] now a child is a young version of a human a youngling you might know them as humans are the

[19:52] main bipedal ape simian descended inhabitants of earth let me back up the big bang

[19:58] nothing's bigger nothing's bangier than the big bang coming soon to a universe near you

[20:04] and speaking of big bangs the ship crashes the ship crashes everyone on it seems to have been

[20:09] killed except for jayden and will uh will has convenient will has had a bad arterial break

[20:15] to his leg yeah and he's spurting blood they got to get out of there fast jayden has to get a he

[20:21] Yes, their beacon is broken, their emergency beacon.

[20:23] He's got to get to the tail end of the ship all the way like a mile away through jungle to –

[20:30] 100 kilometers.

[20:30] Is it 100 kilometers?

[20:32] Okay, 100 kilometers away.

[20:33] He's got to access that beacon, but they're on Earth in the future.

[20:38] Somehow the atmosphere has changed somehow that makes it harder for people to breathe, and he only has so many –

[20:43] It's not the atmosphere change.

[20:44] They're just humans have evolved differently.

[20:46] Yeah.

[20:46] It's been a while, right?

[20:48] Look, it's been 1,000 years.

[20:49] People are not going to evolve away from breathing oxygen in a thousand years.

[20:52] Yeah, but if your body gets used to breathing in a slightly different type of, like, amount of oxygen.

[20:58] Point is, James Smith has these cookies that, like, basically, they look like the pill boxes that, like, birth control come in.

[21:05] He has these little discs that look like round hamantaschen, where they look like old people cookies that have raspberry, like, gel on the top.

[21:12] Yeah.

[21:13] And he has to take one.

[21:14] He has four.

[21:14] Prune jam.

[21:15] He drinks some, like, fucking magic liquid out of them that makes him be able to breathe.

[21:20] He drinks breathing elixir out of them, and he only has four.

[21:23] He only has four.

[21:24] That's four days of grandma cookies.

[21:25] That means it's going to take him that much to get to where the beacon is.

[21:28] But, uh-oh, actually, some of them were broken.

[21:31] He doesn't have four, but he doesn't tell his dad that because he wants to go on this mission to prove himself.

[21:35] He's a kid, yeah.

[21:35] Yeah.

[21:36] So his dad watches him through a magic backpack and communicates with him to give him advice.

[21:41] He takes his dad's collapsible, double-pointed spear, you know, saber.

[21:45] So he's like a regular Ray Park Darth Maul with his double-edged thingamabob weapon.

[21:50] And right off the bat, he goes in and angers some baboons for no reason.

[21:56] His dad is yelling at him, stand down.

[21:58] And instead, he throws a rock at a baboon.

[22:00] He gets chased by them.

[22:02] Yeah, well, let's back up and say that.

[22:04] What's to back up to?

[22:05] Well, no, we'll just point out that Jaden Smith's journey.

[22:08] Jaden Smith is the son of Will Smith, the megastar.

[22:11] jaden smith's journey in this movie is that he needs to learn to not feel fear he needs to learn

[22:16] to grow up and not feel his fear and we eventually learned that over time we learned through flash

[22:22] flashbacks that there's some backstory to them yeah that will smith had an older daughter jaden

[22:27] smith's older sister katai's older sister cypher rage had this daughter and uh she was killed

[22:33] because dad cypher was away on a mission when an ursa attacked their house and she put jaden a

[22:40] regular home invasion into she put jayden into some kind of globe for growing plants

[22:45] and so that his pheromones wouldn't get out she put him under a dome she put him it was like under

[22:51] the dome if the dome was big enough to hold one child and it protected you from ursas yeah uh so

[22:57] she was killed presumably under the dome protects her age is killed so cypher blames himself for his

[23:04] daughter being dead and blames jayden a little bit although what was jayden supposed to do he's a

[23:08] little kid yeah he's a five or six year old supposed to fight off an ursa i don't think so

[23:13] yeah he's gonna ghost all over the place i don't think so but more important jayden blames himself

[23:17] for his sister's death and he needs to get over that and realize that yeah he needs to he that's

[23:22] that that it was okay for him to feel fear then but now he shouldn't or some stuff so anyway that's

[23:27] his that's his arc his life goal mission but that that translates him to act him acting erratic and

[23:33] crazy and like a coward for most of the movie and it's one of those things where like teenagers act

[23:37] really erratic and they get mad out of nowhere and stuff if that was what they're playing up i'd be

[23:41] like this is pretty realistic like if i had been 15 and i was on a planet and i had to get somewhere

[23:46] i'd probably act out and get mad and frustrated but instead he just comes off as like petulant

[23:51] and doing stupid shit like a baboon's right there why'd you throw a rock at him a hundred baboons

[23:55] come out and chase him he runs into a river he gets a leech on him that makes him all puffy

[23:59] he's gotta inject some magic medicine into him that takes away leech puffiness and it turns out

[24:04] that uh the because of something that we did to the earth every night it gets freezing cold

[24:10] which doesn't square with the fact that he's in this lush kind of pacific northwest rainforest

[24:15] temperate forest land with full of baboons and eagles and stuff old growth trees so how is so

[24:24] how does it work we don't know nobody did a lot of i mean we get one scene of like the plants

[24:27] curling up a little bit but i don't think that i would the only that scene would have been 100

[24:31] times better if the plants had been like looney tunes plants and they'd be like

[24:34] and curling up they're like putting nightcaps on good night tree good night fern like someone

[24:41] pulls a chain that turns the sun off yeah like one one one plant pulls itself down and it wraps

[24:47] up like a like a shade on a window yeah yeah and there's like a mushroom that folds into a tree

[24:51] like a murphy bed that would be hilarious and then they all sing some song from the war brothers

[24:59] song library that they're trying

[25:01] to promote. You know, I only have ice

[25:03] for you or something like that.

[25:04] I only have ice for you.

[25:07] There you go. That's the song

[25:09] that Mr. Freeze would sing.

[25:10] That should have been in the movie we just watched.

[25:12] Shouldn't it have been? That was Mr. Freeze's

[25:14] first dance song at his wedding was I only have ice

[25:16] for you.

[25:17] He's a romantic

[25:20] guy. He's trying to unfreeze

[25:22] his wife. I know. I don't know why he just doesn't stick

[25:24] her in the microwave. And he liked ice buns

[25:26] even before because of his name.

[25:29] His name, Carl Freeze

[25:31] So yeah, that happened

[25:36] Did anyone ever make a joke about a movie called

[25:37] They Call Me Mr. Freeze?

[25:39] Well now they did

[25:41] So it's been done

[25:42] But one night when he gets to a hot zone

[25:46] Which is one of the bullshit warm areas

[25:48] The movie made up so that Jaden Smith doesn't freeze to death

[25:50] And he just runs to him at night

[25:52] Video game checkpoints

[25:53] His father tells him the story when he learned

[25:56] had a ghost which was he was fighting an ursa and they fall and fell into a river and he was about

[26:01] to drown and he realized he shouldn't be scared and he didn't and he won you told that story much

[26:07] more excitingly than will smith did in the movie we just watched most of that story is communicated

[26:11] do we get a flashback no do we visualize any of this no we see will smith literally just kind of

[26:16] lackadaisically just sitting there in a monotone talking to the camera yeah just really slowly

[26:22] telling the story and this is a moment to say that like will smith one of the most charismatic

[26:26] movie stars ever i would say ever yeah i would say you drop will smith into the 30s of the 40s

[26:32] and he would have been just as successful like incredibly charismatic incredibly likable

[26:36] talented he's a double threat he can dance sing act with his three but he seems to have decided

[26:43] like oh i don't want to do that anymore what i want to do is to not be any of those things he's

[26:48] he's stretching by being serious here yeah and he's playing kind of this martinet drill sergeant

[26:53] you know, emotionless fellow who

[26:55] he's shut himself off from fear, but does that

[26:57] mean he's also shut himself off from

[26:59] love? But also, I feel like

[27:01] I feel like there are actors out there

[27:03] I mean, there's no love interest in this movie, right?

[27:05] There's his wife. He has a wife. Yeah, but

[27:07] she's on a different planet. And Jaden Smith has a love

[27:09] interest, a big vulture that saves him

[27:11] Sure, his vulture buddy? Or his contour, I guess

[27:13] But there are actors out there

[27:15] His vulture buddy, Volturo

[27:16] They're actors who can be, like, tough and emotionless

[27:19] and still have a lot of charisma

[27:20] and i feel like one smith will smith just doesn't seem to know how to do that okay tommy jones name

[27:26] two uh uh billy bob thornton okay that's three uh name four um shit i don't know i guess you're

[27:35] right ellie like maybe okay clint eastwood too yeah okay that you're right a lot of people can

[27:39] do it and will smith is playing against his strengths here and not in a way that helps him

[27:44] and do you think do you think that was a conscious choice on his part so that he could give his son

[27:48] more of the spotlight i think it was probably but i think so jayden is not picking up the slack i

[27:53] think that's definitely why he took a passive role in the movie where will smith spends most

[27:56] of the movie sitting down and talking to his son through a camera while he's about to pass out from

[28:02] blood loss why oh why could they have not given his computer like a sassy voice to add a little

[28:08] bit of levity to this voice any voice uh there's so will smith also takes a drug that makes him

[28:14] drowsy because he's dying of blood loss but it means that you have a movie in which the biggest

[28:18] star in the movie will smith seems it's a boring movie and he can barely stay awake like the star

[28:24] of the movie is barely fighting enough to stay awake through his film you know anyway so eventually

[28:30] he learns the truth that katai doesn't have enough breath cookies to get to where he's going he needs

[28:36] four he needs three and a half and he only has two left so he says abort the mission abort but

[28:41] he's and katai is on the top of a cliff and they have an argument about was i supposed to save my

[28:45] sister i was just a kid and that kind of thing you were never there for us and the argument valuable

[28:50] breath cookie comes out of nowhere and he's great he's wasting breath cookie time and so he says i'm

[28:54] gonna finish the mission the only way to do it to jump down from this cliff instead of hiking down

[28:58] he can save himself one and a half breath cookies by the sky jump yeah he's gonna base jump with

[29:03] like a fucking he's got like a a rocky the flying squirrel suit because his multi-suit which he's

[29:09] wearing is which is this magic leather suit that does whatever he needs and it changes color a

[29:14] bunch of times for seemingly no reason has camouflage it has flying squirrel to camouflage

[29:19] him from the blind monster that smells fear uh it should he should have a suit that releases

[29:25] a pheromone that makes perfect sense like like for a sexy lady ursa so the ursa falls in love

[29:31] with him and wants to bring him flowers and chocolates.

[29:34] Puts on a hat

[29:35] and a bow tie.

[29:36] Chokes himself out of the beer.

[29:39] And puts

[29:42] his claw around his shoulder.

[29:43] Oh, fresh.

[29:45] He keeps trying to sneak away and he keeps dragging

[29:47] him back out. Again, another way this movie would have been better

[29:49] if it turned into a Looney Tune.

[29:51] If this

[29:54] movie, instead of starring Will Smith and Jaden Smith,

[29:55] had starred Bugs Bunny and

[29:57] Bert Bunny, his son,

[30:00] it would have been way better.

[30:01] Bird Bunny, come on.

[30:02] What's a better name for his son?

[30:03] I don't know.

[30:04] His dad's name is Bugs.

[30:05] You don't want to fight that.

[30:06] That's true.

[30:07] Bugs Jr.?

[30:08] B.J. Bunny.

[30:09] There you go, B.J. Bunny.

[30:10] All right.

[30:10] I think that character probably exists.

[30:12] Well, that's P.J. Funny Bunny exists.

[30:13] Sure.

[30:14] Anyway, so he sky jumps down, but he's attacked, which just means floating through the air.

[30:19] He's attacked by a giant condor, which Stuart made the point that this is ridiculous, that

[30:24] the kid who's using his sky suit for the first time is more maneuverable than the bird that

[30:28] was that evolved to fly on this planet uh but he gets caught he gets caught and he wakes up in a

[30:34] nest full of little cute baby birds that's being attacked by saber-toothed tigers and he uses his

[30:40] double-edged spear to fight off the tigers too late all the birds have been killed and the condor

[30:45] he's not a grief stricken he's a baby condor i wish his line that would have been like i'm really

[30:50] not a cat person i'm allergic to cats allergic to death and then throws the cat overboard or

[30:57] something yeah but the condor sheds condor tears over its fallen kids yeah uh it's pretty sad it's

[31:04] really sad he goes to a cave he sleeps next to a magma river he sees the lascaux cave paintings

[31:10] or some kind of mammoth cave paintings because those have been preserved excellently and a

[31:14] flying snake and a flying snake that is a coddle we see no other feathers we see no other remnants

[31:21] of earth and as stewart points out there's no reason why this movie had to take place

[31:25] Why does it have to be on Earth?

[31:26] The title's after Earth.

[31:27] Any fucking planet.

[31:28] Like, it's like, oh, it's just a planet that's a hostile planet.

[31:32] So they could do lazy animal design and just be like,

[31:34] let's take a snake, but make it flap around.

[31:37] We'll make a bird, but it's big.

[31:39] Here's a baboon, but it looks a little different.

[31:40] It's got a bunch of buddies.

[31:42] Normally, baboons only travel in packs of 10.

[31:46] These ones travel in packs of 20.

[31:49] That's how you know it's Earth in the future.

[31:50] They should have called this Planet Fear and not have it set on Earth.

[31:54] Perfect.

[31:55] Better title, better planet.

[31:57] She called it Planet Terror by Robert Rodriguez.

[31:59] It's not like they used any actual animals in the movie.

[32:01] It's all CGI.

[32:02] It's all CGI.

[32:03] Even the baby condor monsters are CGI.

[32:05] Jaden Smith might be CGI.

[32:07] They used a real Ursa, though.

[32:09] Oh, okay.

[32:10] Interesting.

[32:10] Yeah.

[32:11] So anyway, he gets out of there.

[32:14] He's running out of capsules.

[32:15] He's plotting his course.

[32:16] He gets to a river.

[32:17] He builds a raft.

[32:18] He's like a regular Huckleberry Finn.

[32:20] He's going down the river.

[32:21] He falls asleep, and he has a dream of his sister.

[32:24] And his sister tells him practical special effects, though, right?

[32:28] And this is all practical special effects, by which we mean the actress playing his sister is just sitting there.

[32:32] Yeah.

[32:33] And she tells him basically to, like, stop being mad and, like, stop being afraid, that kind of shit.

[32:38] Yeah, stop being such a puss.

[32:39] It's a real, like, Obi-Wan just telling Luke to do this stuff moment, except stupid.

[32:45] And, you know, it's a dream because he's not really a ghost, except she's going, wake up, wake up, Katai, wake up, and he won't wake up.

[32:51] And then she turns it, she gives him a monster face for a moment.

[32:54] Where she's got like a slash and blood on her face

[32:57] and he wakes up and it's like...

[32:59] It's like a PG rated

[33:00] Large Marge. I mean, Large Marge was rated

[33:03] PG. Really? I thought she was terrifying.

[33:05] I thought that was rated

[33:07] X for sure. Yeah, for sex.

[33:09] I watched that

[33:11] scene on YouTube recently again from Pee Wee's

[33:12] Big Adventure. And when I was a kid, I

[33:14] couldn't watch it. I covered my eyes every

[33:16] time just knowing it was... And I watched the movie all the time.

[33:19] I loved it. But just knowing it was coming,

[33:20] I was like, gotta cover my eyes now. I don't want to see Large

[33:23] march and i watched again it is the goofiest like it's two claymation cartoon eyes and a big mouth

[33:28] and you hear like like it's the silliest thing and as a as a kid that was so surprising it's

[33:35] surprising but once you know it's coming but as a kid it was right up there with that one ghost

[33:39] in ghostbusters who's driving a cab and looks like a grosser version of the crypt keeper yeah

[33:43] he's like a decaying corpse those were the two things as a kid keeper's brother he's less

[33:49] attractive less charismatic brother yeah you couldn't cut in the pictures my name is gary

[33:53] yeah i drive a cab yeah that's my brother who does the tv show in the comics and the movies

[34:00] he's a real big shot in the family i think he goes he laughs oh whatever just because he comes

[34:05] up with puns i didn't come up with puns yeah oh it looks like you lost your head we're driving

[34:11] into a dead end yeah forget about it okay you're gonna tip me or what thanks for nothing pal taxi

[34:17] taxi here who wants a taxi oh she's also riding a pedicab where are you going brooklyn i'm not

[34:24] going there i'm not taking it forget about it i'm dead i'm not stupid

[34:27] i wouldn't be caught dead over there get it pun goodbye voiced by sylvester stallone

[34:35] young sylvester stallone yep not john cassier in this case sylvester stallone

[34:43] voicing the brother of the Crypt Keeper.

[34:47] The brother of the Crypt Keeper.

[34:47] Who doesn't have a TV show.

[34:48] I don't know why I had someone voicing him.

[34:50] Slumber.

[34:50] Well, they started with the brother,

[34:52] and then they worked their way towards the host.

[34:53] I got you.

[34:53] A lot of writers will do that

[34:55] when they're creating characters.

[34:56] They'll say,

[34:56] before I get started on my main character,

[34:58] what will help me shape him?

[34:59] Well, what's his brother like?

[35:00] I think that's how J.R.R. Tolkien wrote his main books.

[35:04] What's Bilbo's brother like?

[35:05] Bilbo.

[35:07] What's Sal Baggins like?

[35:08] Why do you want Bilbo and not Dildo?

[35:11] The obvious joke.

[35:12] Yeah, that is obvious.

[35:14] So obvious.

[35:15] Too obvious.

[35:15] Even as a kid, the first time I read The Hobbit, I made that joke to myself and laughed.

[35:19] When I read Board of the Rings, the Lord of the Rings parody from the National Lampoon,

[35:23] and they called him Dildo, I said, really?

[35:25] You could do better than that?

[35:26] Come on.

[35:26] Okay, so Kitai's ghost sister wakes him up.

[35:31] It's getting cold out.

[35:32] Oh, no.

[35:33] He can't escape it.

[35:34] It's freezing.

[35:34] He passes out from breath coldness or something.

[35:37] Yeah.

[35:37] Luckily.

[35:38] Covered in a sheen of frost.

[35:40] which was my favorite line Stuart had.

[35:43] He saw me and he goes, oh, he's an old man now.

[35:45] Because he has white frost in his hair.

[35:48] He had frosted tips.

[35:49] The condor that turns out saves him,

[35:53] drags him to his nest, and then dies,

[35:54] covering him with his body to keep him warm.

[35:56] Because that's the way birds work.

[35:57] If you do a bird a favor, the bird...

[36:00] Yeah, when birds freeze to death, they stay dead, Dan.

[36:02] If you do a bird a favor, he'll never forget,

[36:05] and he'll help you in your hour of need.

[36:07] You can't thaw out a dead bird and it just flies away.

[36:09] no the birds have a real code of ethics yeah if you do a bird a favor they'll do you want to

[36:14] return but and always remember this never ask a bird for a favor or accept a gift or offering

[36:19] for then you will owe them and they will come back for repayment when you least expect it sure

[36:25] what you thought was your own baby is just a baby condor they stole my baby and replaced it with a

[36:30] condor now you touch that baby condor with some cold iron and he'll tell you his true name that

[36:36] gives you power over him really when a bird asks you for a favor it's usually like hey can you hand

[36:40] me that vole yeah sure here you go bird uh our pact is over your debt has been repaid can you

[36:47] put peanut butter in this pine cone and then put seed on it yeah sure you got any suet any anywhere

[36:53] yeah here you go thank you your eternal blood legacy is now fulfilled anyway so in any other

[37:01] movie i feel like the hero after being saved by this giant condor who gives its life for his

[37:07] the hero would do something to remember that bird bury the bird he does nothing he just walks away

[37:12] shakes it a little bit he's like oh okay whatever he's like what is it like he should have taken a

[37:17] feather or something or he said thank you like he just shakes when they're flying away he should

[37:21] look into the stars and the stars should form the face of the condor and then he's a single tear

[37:26] but he it's like he just shake nudges it to be like hey buddy time for school wake up oh you're

[37:31] dead i guess i'll keep going then and it doesn't even say thanks yeah again not lying and take a

[37:37] bite out of it i will honor you my winged friend and your sacrifice the legend of the condor friend

[37:44] and ever shall man and condor be allies you have and that was how the mandor became

[37:51] you have bought a pledge of friendship with your blood uh so he goes out he finds the tail end of

[37:57] the spaceship he finds the beacon but it's not working there's some ionic sphere layer of dust

[38:02] bullshit and the book so he has to get to the top of a volcano to for the beacon running by magma

[38:08] he's like running but i don't know why his sneakers aren't melting but he's fine and the egg the ursa

[38:12] was in is broken and we've already seen the other rangers who are on the spaceship who i guess

[38:16] survived and walked away and just left will and jaden smith to die have been killed by the ursa

[38:21] and impaled on trees the ursa's signature move sure now the ursa that's his finishing move now

[38:27] the ursa follows jaden up this volcano which is not good because there's no trees there what's

[38:31] the ursa gonna do carry the dead body back down stick it on a tree i guess so and maybe he'll

[38:35] bring his own tree he's pretty big yeah i guess so he could carry a tree so the earth ursa's chasing

[38:41] him he's trying to get to the top they fight to get to the top of a volcano to set off the beacon

[38:45] right yes but he's screwed because after he sets off the beacon his condor buddy's already dead so

[38:50] he can't leave when the volcano erupts that doesn't seem to be a problem the movie kind of ignores

[38:55] that the bigger issue is that an ursa is trying to kill him and he's still afraid so the ursa can

[38:59] smell him and it's like ah oh no and it's like a gun to smell fear uh wasn't that again two and a

[39:05] half yeah i don't know what was 33 and a third um i think i think that was it didn't have a

[39:11] listener's write in and tell us what the subtitle is like naked guns

[39:14] 33 and a third.

[39:15] The one with Anna Nicole Smith in it.

[39:16] Save us the three seconds of IMDb-ing it.

[39:17] The last funny one of these.

[39:20] At the last minute, as they're fighting on a volcano, ash falling all around them, and

[39:24] I assume a tasteful reference to Schindler's List, suddenly Jaden remembers his father's

[39:29] words of advice and instantly is able to control his fear, and his pheromones, I guess, suck

[39:34] back into his pores.

[39:35] Yeah, they dissipate immediately.

[39:37] He's gushing the shit out of things after that.

[39:37] He's just ghosting like crazy, and the Earth's just like, I can't see you.

[39:40] Where are you?

[39:41] He doesn't talk, but you can tell he's trying to find Jaden,

[39:44] and Jaden's just slashing the crap out of him with his double-bladed super sword.

[39:47] Can I just take a moment to say, like, this is what I hate the most about this.

[39:53] What I maybe hate the most about this movie is, like, it's so clearly, like,

[39:57] okay, we're going to make a movie where the theme is overcoming fear.

[40:01] So we're going to make this.

[40:03] Because when you're a kid, you're afraid of everything.

[40:04] And when you grow up, you learn to not be afraid of anything ever again.

[40:07] Yeah, you learn that fear is the mind killer.

[40:09] Fear is the little death within us all.

[40:10] But we're going to do this in like...

[40:11] It's a total oblivion.

[40:12] We're going to do this in the...

[40:13] You will let the fear pass through you.

[40:14] You will go into it and look behind you and see that nothing is left, only you.

[40:17] Otherwise, you get stabbed with a gum jabar and you're totally toast.

[40:20] And it's like the poison goes in and you're dead.

[40:22] You're double dog dead.

[40:24] But we're going to do this...

[40:26] Unless you're the Maude Dib.

[40:27] Jesus Christ.

[40:28] We're going to do this in the most obvious way.

[40:30] Maude Dib.

[40:31] We're going to do this in the most obvious way by creating this creature that smells fear.

[40:35] But it's so...

[40:37] Like, it only makes sense as a metaphor in a movie.

[40:39] It's so illogical in real life.

[40:41] The aliens created this monster that can smell fear

[40:43] but also doesn't have eyes, I guess.

[40:45] It's a total design flaw.

[40:46] As a backup, it can just see where Jane Smith is.

[40:50] It's continuing the tradition of M. Night Shyamalan aliens

[40:53] having a very clear design weakness.

[40:55] Yeah, like being allergic to water?

[40:57] Yes, and then dropping them on a planet that's covered in water.

[41:00] Yeah.

[41:00] Even the very atmosphere should melt them to dust.

[41:03] To be fair, that was an act of God.

[41:06] Yeah.

[41:06] And God is, if nothing, illogical.

[41:09] I'm just saying, make your metaphorical creatures a little more subtle.

[41:13] The real problem with the movie, I mean, aside from it being,

[41:15] well, let's just say, he conquers his fear, he sets off the beacon,

[41:18] then he gets saved at the end.

[41:19] Yeah, everyone's happy.

[41:20] And Jaden Smith gets one of three or four joke lines where he goes,

[41:23] I want to do Mom's job at the end.

[41:26] Which we don't know what it is.

[41:27] And they go home.

[41:28] Any way you want it, that's the way you need it.

[41:30] Right?

[41:30] That's right.

[41:31] So they win in the end, and he saves the day.

[41:34] But the real flaw in this movie, aside from it being super boring,

[41:39] and the lead actor not having much charisma

[41:41] certainly at this stage

[41:43] in his performing career to carry an entire movie

[41:45] and being very unimaginative

[41:47] and things like that is that

[41:48] they mention in the beginning a bunch of aliens

[41:51] made monsters to fight us

[41:52] and those aliens we never see them

[41:55] they never show up we never find out what happened in the war

[41:57] with them is that still going on like what's happening

[41:59] it's like

[42:00] if you were doing a story about

[42:02] the atomic bomb and it was like

[42:04] by the way we were fighting

[42:07] nazis in world war ii so we made an atomic bomb flash forward 60 years later and be like wait

[42:12] what about what happened to the war you were just telling me about is that still happening

[42:15] and before people write in to tell us we saw on wikipedia that this was supposed to be the first

[42:20] of a trilogy we'll understand that maybe that would be developed later but each movie has to

[42:24] stand on its own you can't take it for granted that this one mention of something is going to

[42:28] be okay and it's not like a star wars mention where in the first movie they'll mention stuff

[42:33] well like in the first movie

[42:34] I'm just

[42:34] I'm laughing at Dan's defense

[42:36] already

[42:36] I'm sick of you people

[42:39] this is not a

[42:40] time code situation

[42:41] was that what that movie

[42:42] was called

[42:42] in time

[42:43] in time

[42:44] time code

[42:44] was that

[42:45] four quadrant movie

[42:46] yeah

[42:47] it's not like

[42:48] yeah

[42:48] it appealed to all

[42:49] four quadrants

[42:50] people are like

[42:52] looking at four screens

[42:53] at once

[42:54] young people

[42:55] old people

[42:56] uh

[42:57] people who like

[42:58] horny people

[42:58] bullshit art movies

[42:59] that don't work

[43:00] you get to decide

[43:02] what story to follow no you do that make the movie for me the uh i actually saw i did mike

[43:08] biggest i didn't i liked it okay yeah biggest pudding they call them but uh here in star wars

[43:14] they say oh my dad fought in the clone wars and you don't need to know more about it it's just

[43:18] like backstory here i think they might have been going for some of that here in a way that like

[43:22] you're hinting at a wider universe that exists around the story but it's such a major thing

[43:27] that humans are at a in a war with aliens to never have it have much to do with the rest of the movie

[43:33] is unless like they're bringing this ursa egg somewhere and i don't obviously i clearly i

[43:38] missed what the mission was are they delivering it somewhere so they can discover a way to kill

[43:42] ursas like yeah the first 20 years seem to do it pretty well first 20 minutes of the movie i don't

[43:47] i couldn't understand anything anybody said yeah the the weird like like if you're gonna have in

[43:53] the mumbling you're gonna have a crazy mumbling accent don't have a bunch of loud beeps going off

[43:57] from your weird organic computer console yeah and uh but there's i have to admit that there

[44:03] are a few scenes that are well directed in this from a like camera viewpoint point of view let's

[44:07] move on to final judgments about whether this was a good bad movie a bad bad movie a movie you kind

[44:11] of liked elliot you're already there okay it's a bad bad movie uh there's a couple moments where

[44:16] there are camera moves that i like a lot where but literally like two or three of those where

[44:20] there's like just some neat uses of the camera but otherwise it's just a lot of watching jayden

[44:26] smith usually from a butt focused point of view like crawling through jungle getting mad at things

[44:31] and fighting animals that don't look real and not overcoming fear and his dad meanwhile sitting in

[44:38] a spaceship 100 kilometers away just kind of talking in a monotone to nobody yeah it really

[44:43] doesn't it doesn't i can see how this could be a really good movie but there's no sense of

[44:48] life to it yeah i'm gonna say bad bad movie i'll just say boring and mumbly the old b&m combo

[44:56] stewart what do you have to say yeah i mean it's it's a bad bad movie for the b&m uh reasons alone

[45:02] uh i mean it it kind of feels like structure wise it's kind of like the gray but uh it doesn't have

[45:09] the impact of liam neeson fighting wolves if you told me that there was a movie about a plane crash

[45:16] where a bunch of guys are being picked off by wolves

[45:18] and there's a movie about a spaceship crash

[45:20] where a kid has to prove himself

[45:22] courageous by fighting

[45:24] a monster alien.

[45:25] I'd want to see the second one more,

[45:28] but the first one is marginally better.

[45:30] I didn't love the gray. I found it kind of boring too.

[45:32] Yeah, I think

[45:34] it's a design flaw in this type

[45:36] of movie. But they pull it off a lot. But there are good

[45:38] movies where people are

[45:40] at risk from the elements and there's

[45:42] like an animal or something chasing them.

[45:44] You can do that movie.

[45:46] An animal, a bounty hunter.

[45:47] Who knows?

[45:48] Maybe it's Tashira Mifune in Hell in the Pacific.

[45:50] It's a very simple story, and so it sucks when you see it screwed up this badly.

[45:56] So let's move on.

[46:00] How were those final judgments, Dan?

[46:01] Satisfactory.

[46:02] This is the new segment, Final Judgments, Judgments.

[46:05] You get a 98.

[46:07] 98, okay.

[46:08] No, no.

[46:08] Were those good judgments?

[46:09] Were they bad judgments?

[46:10] Were they judgments?

[46:11] You kind of disagree with, Dan.

[46:13] Good judgments.

[46:13] Room for improvement.

[46:16] A plus all around

[46:18] Extra credit for being awesome

[46:20] Quickly I want to say

[46:21] This podcast I believe is going to come out on the 30th

[46:24] So there's not a lot of time

[46:26] But I just want to reiterate

[46:27] Happy Thanksgiving

[46:28] I want to reiterate that the

[46:30] House Cat music video contest

[46:34] Your last day is December the 1st

[46:37] One day

[46:37] What time are you accepting them by on December the 1st?

[46:40] I don't know

[46:40] I'm not really going to be much of a

[46:44] Like whatever

[46:45] Just get them in

[46:46] But you're a stickler

[46:46] They gotta be in by December 1st

[46:47] I'm not gonna be a stickler

[46:48] By December 1st

[46:50] December 1st

[46:51] By midnight December 2nd

[46:53] Those videos better be in

[46:54] Or you are shit out of luck

[46:56] Rawr

[46:56] Thanks house cat

[46:58] House cop

[47:00] Let's quickly go through a few letters

[47:03] Just a few letters

[47:05] Not a lot of time for a lot of letters

[47:08] Do it fast but make it last

[47:10] Letters for us

[47:12] Letters from you

[47:13] letters from all for a little bit

[47:15] of time, not a lot. Let's do it

[47:17] quickly. Just a quickie.

[47:19] Some letters real quick, Dan.

[47:21] This

[47:23] letter's from Trevor, last name withheld.

[47:25] It's titled, Five Easy Pieces

[47:27] Cinematic Geographical Epiphany.

[47:29] Dear Floppers, I've started

[47:31] listening to your podcast after the

[47:33] gently honorable internet judge, John Hodgman,

[47:35] recommended it so highly.

[47:37] When he said, don't listen to it?

[47:39] No, he was very positive.

[47:41] Oh, that was nice of him. He's a good guy.

[47:43] I wanted to share a moment of cinematic geographical epiphany with you and inquire if you've ever had a similar experience.

[47:49] I first saw what I have thought of as a masterpiece of 70s drama, five easy pieces, around 1988 as a scratched-up VHS rental and completely loved it.

[48:00] I'm old.

[48:01] As I've grown older and frailer, subsequent viewings have only enriched it for me.

[48:05] The movie has become too intense, and I worry my bones will break if I watch it.

[48:10] Watching the movie a few months ago, I realized, like seeing something for the first time,

[48:14] that the movie begins in Bakersfield, California.

[48:17] The scene where Jack Nicholson plays the piano on the back of the moving truck

[48:21] was filmed on or near the I-5, the least pleasant stretch of interstate anywhere in the U.S.,

[48:26] and the closest thing to a Road Warrior theme park one will ever experience.

[48:30] Unless you go to that Doomsday Con or whatever that is that people do.

[48:33] It's hard.

[48:34] What? Burning Man?

[48:35] No, not Burning Man.

[48:38] That's Wicker Man Con.

[48:39] It's hard to explain this if you're unfamiliar with these terrible places, as I and many Californians are.

[48:43] I don't follow that.

[48:46] It's like realizing Casablanca takes place in, I don't know, the East Coast equivalent of Bakersfield.

[48:51] Do you have a post-apocalyptic hellscape of sunblasted strip malls and trailer parks populated by hyper-conservative meth addicts who live on disability and condemn the government?

[49:01] I'm sorry, beloved Bakersfield friends, but you know it's true.

[49:04] It blew my mind and yet only made me appreciate the movie even more

[49:08] as it's grounded in a pedestrian reality I've seen and touched and smelled so many times.

[49:13] Genius.

[49:13] Have all, some, or none of you had a similar experience?

[49:16] And would you move to Bakersfield?

[49:18] Trevor, last name without.

[49:20] Well, I mean, obviously not.

[49:21] You'd be on a fucking tourist board of Bakersfield?

[49:23] Well, come to Bakersfield.

[49:24] It sucks.

[49:24] Move here and make it better.

[49:27] Well, thanks for those kind words.

[49:30] Thanks for writing in, Trevor, about your Bakersfield experience.

[49:33] I've never been there.

[49:34] I will say that I've had experiences certainly where I've watched a movie and it's felt like or reminded me of places I've been.

[49:41] Like Midnight in Paris, the recent Woody Allen movie, a lot of it was shot at places I had been not too long before when I took my first trip to Paris.

[49:48] So it felt like Woody Allen had been stalking me and my wife on our vacation, which was a little weird.

[49:52] But one that hits me a lot when I see it is the movie The Landlord, which I really love and is set in the neighborhood I live in, Park Slope, and was shot there on location in the late 60s.

[50:04] And, like, I've walked by the house that it was shot at many times,

[50:08] but what really hit me was when I saw in the background of a shot

[50:12] a sign for Coca-Cola that up until very recently, about a year or two ago,

[50:16] was still on the front of a pizzeria in Park Slope.

[50:20] And so seeing it, it really drove home to me, like,

[50:22] I know exactly what block they're on right now.

[50:25] Like, I know exactly that corner.

[50:27] And it really hit hard, you know?

[50:31] Like, this is kind of a similar Bakersfield hellscape.

[50:34] I remember my wife and I actually went to a...

[50:39] Speaking of hellscapes, my wife.

[50:40] My wife and I went to a...

[50:42] I hope she doesn't listen to this one, Dan.

[50:43] We went to a horrific, horrific, unpleasant strip club near the, what is it, the Costco?

[50:50] Do you know what I'm talking about, Stuart?

[50:52] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[50:52] It's like the one over in Sunset Park.

[50:55] Oh, this is in New York.

[50:57] It's like, yeah.

[50:59] Just the seediest place you could imagine.

[51:02] And this was your anniversary gift?

[51:04] Yes, that was what it was.

[51:06] No, it was just a regular Sunday night.

[51:10] But then years later on the television show Louie,

[51:14] if you've seen the episode where Robin Williams and Louie C.K.

[51:18] are the only two people at this agent's funeral,

[51:21] they go to a strip club where he was apparently beloved.

[51:25] That was the strip club, this very seedy place.

[51:28] And it's like, yep, you found the perfect place for this horrible guy to have been a beloved regular.

[51:34] I had a Louie experience like that because there's an episode where he meets Parker Posey and they go on a date.

[51:39] And he meets her at a bookstore where the exterior, part of it, they shot it to make it look like it was in Manhattan.

[51:45] But the interior and the immediate exterior are very clearly community books.

[51:49] Also in Park Slope on 7th Avenue, which I've been in many, many times.

[51:53] It was like, I know that bookstore.

[51:54] I've never seen Parker Posey working there.

[51:57] This, wait a minute, hold on a second.

[51:59] Bullshit.

[51:59] This TV show is lying to me.

[52:00] Stuart, what about you?

[52:02] I have never been into community books.

[52:05] I don't read a lot of books.

[52:07] No, I don't see me anywhere in particular.

[52:08] More of a calendar guy.

[52:09] Yeah.

[52:10] Like hot babes on Ferraris is what we're talking about.

[52:12] Yeah, hot babes on Ferraris.

[52:13] If it's a hot babe with a gun or on a car hood.

[52:17] Life-size.

[52:19] Yeah, when they're so small they can fit on the calendar page.

[52:22] There's a, one of our co-workers has an animals calendar.

[52:27] and there's one

[52:29] where it's a horse

[52:30] eating hay

[52:30] but the hay is like

[52:31] falling out of its mouth

[52:33] so it looks like

[52:33] it's just

[52:34] this big glossy picture

[52:36] of a horse vomiting

[52:36] all over the place.

[52:38] I think it's hilarious.

[52:40] So this

[52:42] Hew up another letter

[52:43] for us, Dan.

[52:43] This letter is titled

[52:44] Bork, Bork, Bork.

[52:45] Robert Bork.

[52:47] Okay.

[52:47] A delicious mixture

[52:48] of beef and pork.

[52:49] You can buy it

[52:50] at Fleischer's Deli

[52:51] in Park Slope, Brooklyn.

[52:51] Plus so many

[52:53] Park Slope plugs.

[52:54] I know.

[52:54] The letter goes

[52:56] We beg the question

[52:57] by bob vickerman plenty of park slope pictures uh-huh uh that one episode one issue of local

[53:03] this is not this is not the jabber back and forth this is the part where we're talking about letters

[53:07] okay uh the letter goes dear flooper house you guys are a super duper barrels here a head full

[53:15] of laughter okay i put you can you just read my ear holes you just read it like a normal person

[53:21] please yeah i know it's like i see that it is spelled that way leet it has a big brain full

[53:27] of mafia knowledge uh boot a teeny teeny moosa floosa i don't know what that means stewart

[53:33] probably boinks all the chicks at the bikini car wash the pert goy bork bork bork tan is pleasant

[53:42] that's it um the hurdy hurdy hurr in feet of me over summertime and to watch a movie so is this

[53:50] like a Swedish chef, or is this an Italian character?

[53:52] I will prepare you guys a meal.

[53:54] Maybe a floophouse, a

[53:56] house cat, a jamboree.

[53:57] Sincerely,

[53:59] SC.

[54:00] So that's from SC.

[54:03] So that's your Swedish

[54:06] chef, huh? No, that's this guy's Swedish

[54:08] chef. That he wrote out phonetically.

[54:10] Well, thanks for writing in, and for the

[54:12] compliments.

[54:13] Yeah.

[54:15] I'm sorry if I seemed to...

[54:18] If I lost the thread there in the middle.

[54:20] It seemed like Dan was having a stroke while reading that letter.

[54:22] But I always did wonder what if the Swedish chef was doing a Borat impression,

[54:25] and I guess that's what it would be.

[54:26] Look, I think it's interesting that of the Muppets we hear from the Swedish chef

[54:31] and not Statler and Waldorf, who seem to be kindred spirits in a sense.

[54:34] You'd think they would heckle our heckling or appreciate fellow hecklers.

[54:37] Yeah, you never know.

[54:38] We never hear from New Zealand.

[54:42] So this last letter I think that we have time for this evening is from Mark Lasting with Held.

[54:50] It's titled Boy.

[54:52] Oh, so it's a phantasm thing.

[54:55] It's either a phantasm or some girl's boobs fell out of her dress.

[54:59] He goes, gentle flops.

[55:02] You guys have made passing reference to the classic 1978 horror flick phantasm a bunch.

[55:07] I think most recently in the Paperboy episode.

[55:10] Possibly later.

[55:11] Possibly later.

[55:12] You never know.

[55:12] You play a good game, Paperboy.

[55:15] Please spend 10 to 15 minutes elaborating on this.

[55:19] Did anyone like...

[55:20] Wait, was this a test prompt?

[55:21] Did anyone like parts three or four?

[55:25] Yep, of course.

[55:26] What about that time a mutant...

[55:27] Phantasm Oblivion?

[55:28] What about that time a mutant version of Angus Scrimm

[55:31] came out of a hole in the size and shape of a double pizza box

[55:33] in that girl's back?

[55:34] Fucked up, right?

[55:35] In short, more Phantasm, boys.

[55:38] You write a good letter, boy, but now you die.

[55:42] What's that author's name?

[55:43] Mark, last name, without...

[55:45] Mark, thanks for writing in.

[55:46] Stuart, you're the biggest Phantasm fan, I feel.

[55:49] i am uh what they call a fan in the biz that's spelled with a ph of course yeah uh i was really

[55:57] happy to get to meet don cascarelli director of phantasm and get an autograph on my phantasm

[56:01] poster yeah at the late lamented 92 i said don cascarelli right or did i say dan it just sounded

[56:06] like dan i think you were saying don cascarelli stewart and i had a dan were you with us when

[56:11] we went to that yeah i was there we all we saw the double feature of john dies at the end and

[56:14] the original phantasm and i got to uh stand nervously in line behind a couple of horror

[56:20] geeks getting japanese vhs tapes autographed it was adorable to see how nervous stewart was

[56:27] i was so excited getting the chance to talk to don cascarelli yeah uh but yeah they're great

[56:32] movies what do you have to say about the sequels uh yeah i like all of them it's uh it's interesting

[56:38] because the second one was filmed so long after the first but it picks right up after the first

[56:43] one and with a different guy with a different actor yeah and apparently what is it the uh i

[56:48] think there was a rumor that originally brad pitt was up for that role to play mike but he got passed

[56:54] on and uh he passed on i'm so sorry how different how different would the world be megastar brad

[57:01] pitt had phantasm 2 and more people would be aware of it i guess but brad pitt was also in

[57:06] what johnny suede and nobody watches that anymore in cool world i think flop house friend alex smith

[57:12] watches johnny sway well nobody watches cool world even though brad pitt's in it except i

[57:17] think i recommended that for on the podcast it's a terrible movie i'm just trying to get

[57:25] cool world hollywood if holly could cool world the end uh one thing i'm going to mention i like

[57:32] about phantasm is that the sequels carry the story forward in terms of the spreading evil of the of

[57:38] the main villain a lot of horror movies and franchises they reset at the end the beginning

[57:42] of the next movie and it's like everybody just forgot there was a fucking maniac running around

[57:47] killing kids in the last movie yeah but in phantasm this evil force is just emanating throughout the

[57:53] throughout the country at a greater and greater rate still like an apocalyptic rate well they put

[57:57] the they're pushing that premise too and it gets into like this weird science fiction area where

[58:02] you're like okay well the fourth one is basically like a star wars movie sort of i mean the first

[58:07] one already involves other planets with jawas running around yeah and tuning forks dan so many

[58:14] tuning different different levels of spheres yep so we've lost all the non-phantasm fans listening

[58:20] so thanks mark for ruining our listenership should we move on dan let's move on to the final uh

[58:27] judgments okay stewart was this a good episode we circle back around we're gonna have to do that

[58:31] whole thing again word for word after earth um so this is the last segment it's where we make a

[58:38] recommendation of a movie that we liked uh for people to watch instead of after earth stewart

[58:43] what do you have to recommend i'm gonna recommend a classic stewart wellington flop house movie so

[58:48] get ready for something so gross uh well uh i'm gonna recommend the movie bad milo currently

[58:56] streaming on video on demand from time warner cable uh starring in bad milo starring ken marino

[59:03] it features uh it's about a guy who has an ass demon that is triggered by stress that goes out

[59:09] and murders uh the targets or the causers of his stress uh there's a lot of poop fart jokes there's

[59:15] jokes about a demon crawling back up into his butt and you get to see those uh there's a lot

[59:19] scenes of that. There's also

[59:21] a scene where this monster

[59:23] bites a

[59:26] dude's dick off.

[59:27] So, yep, I think that fulfills

[59:29] all the criteria of a Stewart movie.

[59:31] Yeah.

[59:33] Some good character actors.

[59:35] Sure, thanks.

[59:36] I'm going to recommend a movie

[59:39] that I saw in the theater

[59:42] a couple

[59:44] weeks back by the name of

[59:45] Blue is the Warmest Color.

[59:46] Oh boy, we all know how I Dan enjoyed this one.

[59:49] Look, I decided to lean into the Purpozoid label.

[59:52] No, but it's it.

[59:56] I'm recommending a movie I really enjoy.

[59:57] I think you will, too.

[59:58] It's called Baby Dolls Behind Bars.

[59:59] I mean, everyone...

[1:00:01] It's softcore.

[1:00:02] You can find it on Cinemax On Demand.

[1:00:05] But it's a hard softcore.

[1:00:06] Anyway, Dan, continue.

[1:00:07] Blue is the warmest color.

[1:00:08] I mean, yeah.

[1:00:09] Well, the thing is, like, it's very...

[1:00:11] People have talked a lot about the sexual content.

[1:00:13] There is a lot of sexual content in the sense that

[1:00:16] there's a seven-minute-long sex scene that...

[1:00:19] is fully just like seven minutes of sex and it's done fairly explicitly.

[1:00:25] But this is a three-hour movie.

[1:00:27] So really it's like a one-second sex scene.

[1:00:29] No, no, I'm just saying that people have focused on this,

[1:00:33] but it's out of proportion with the full content of what the movie is,

[1:00:37] which is about this woman's first love and the building of a first love

[1:00:45] and sort of the realization of who she is.

[1:00:47] And then, unfortunately, the falling apart of that, which I enjoyed the second half of the movie a little less just because it's a little more emotionally difficult.

[1:00:54] It's sad to see that fall apart.

[1:00:57] And there is less sex, so there's that, too.

[1:00:59] But I thought it was great.

[1:01:02] So you would recommend watching the first half and then watching it again?

[1:01:04] Well, sitting down to it, you know, I was like, I like a lot of art.

[1:01:11] Where is this going to go?

[1:01:12] No, I like a lot of art films.

[1:01:14] I like a lot of foreign films.

[1:01:15] do I want to watch a three-hour French movie?

[1:01:18] And then once it started, I was engaged and transported the whole time.

[1:01:23] So it's a very good movie.

[1:01:25] It's a fast three hours.

[1:01:27] It's like the godfather of lesbian love films.

[1:01:29] I don't love the very end for reasons that maybe I can get into on the Facebook page.

[1:01:34] Don't spoil it.

[1:01:35] So there's no spoilers, but that would be my only criticism.

[1:01:38] Was it all a dream?

[1:01:39] Yeah.

[1:01:40] It was an autistic boy's dream.

[1:01:43] It was all a dream, turns and sees a woman in her bed.

[1:01:45] Or was it?

[1:01:46] Or were they all characters inside of John Cusack's mind?

[1:01:49] Yeah.

[1:01:49] Or did the two characters have a face-off and shoot the soldiers at each other and explode the world?

[1:01:56] They were inside of Pruitt-Taylor fans.

[1:01:59] Anyway, go on, Elliot.

[1:02:01] What?

[1:02:02] He's correcting me not understanding that John Cusack isn't the star of Identity.

[1:02:06] He is the star.

[1:02:07] He's not the brain that the characters are running around in.

[1:02:11] But shouldn't the characters be running around

[1:02:13] the head of the star of the movie?

[1:02:14] No, because the characters...

[1:02:15] That's the twist.

[1:02:16] You would expect that, but no.

[1:02:19] I'm going to recommend a noir movie from 1953

[1:02:23] called 99 River Street, and I'm not...

[1:02:27] I don't know why that was...

[1:02:28] That's a real fucking Spectrum of Movies try, guys.

[1:02:30] Yeah, I'm not going to say that it's, like,

[1:02:32] the most amazing movie, because I want to...

[1:02:35] I really liked it a lot, and I thought it was really good,

[1:02:37] but there's, I think, a problem when you say, like,

[1:02:39] I've found this little-known gem,

[1:02:41] And then people see it and they don't – they're like, that wasn't so amazing.

[1:02:44] Look, it's not going to blow your mind, but it's maybe one of the grimmest noirs that I've seen in a long time.

[1:02:51] And I'm kind of surprised I haven't heard about it for that reason.

[1:02:54] It's directed by – sorry, let me look it up.

[1:02:57] Phil Carlson, who also directed Kansas City –

[1:02:59] Phil Collins.

[1:02:59] Yeah, Phil Collins.

[1:03:00] Some of his off time from Genesis.

[1:03:03] Phil Carlson, who directed Kansas City Confidential, which is another one of those noir movies,

[1:03:08] and stars John Payne as a former boxer who lost the big fight

[1:03:11] and is now a cab driver stuck with a shrewish wife

[1:03:14] who thought she was marrying the future heavyweight champion of the world,

[1:03:17] but now is only married to a cab driver.

[1:03:19] John Payne would be a good partner for Cypher Raid.

[1:03:23] It is, except this is a real person's name.

[1:03:25] He is friends with an actress,

[1:03:28] and he finds out that his wife is cheating on him

[1:03:32] with a kind of small-time diamond crook

[1:03:34] who is not averse to killing women who know a little too much about his diamond thieving.

[1:03:39] And long story short, the taxi driver gets a murder pinned on him

[1:03:43] and has to find the guy who did it before the police find him.

[1:03:46] So it's a pretty classic kind of wrong man noir story, but it is so dark and so grim.

[1:03:51] And there's one scene where a character confesses a murder to another one

[1:03:56] that's so overwrought that it becomes, like, frighteningly grotesque in a way.

[1:04:01] And the characters are so kind of mean and slimy in a way that even noir movies in the 50s usually held back from.

[1:04:09] So it just feels like grim in a way that they usually don't.

[1:04:14] In a way, I liked a lot.

[1:04:15] It's shot really neat all at night.

[1:04:17] And the ending is so ridiculously upbeat and such a crazy change in tone that it almost feels sarcastic.

[1:04:23] Like they had to put a happy ending on this movie because it's a studio movie, but they went so far over the top.

[1:04:29] that it's almost like

[1:04:30] the movie is daring you

[1:04:31] to reject that ending

[1:04:33] because the philosophy

[1:04:34] of the film

[1:04:34] up to that point

[1:04:35] has been so

[1:04:35] like brutally

[1:04:36] dark

[1:04:37] what was the movie

[1:04:38] you showed a movie like that

[1:04:39] at your

[1:04:40] closely watched films

[1:04:41] at the end of

[1:04:42] The Old Dark House

[1:04:42] what was that

[1:04:43] Ministry of Fear

[1:04:44] that was a lot

[1:04:45] is a really good movie

[1:04:46] where

[1:04:46] Ray Moland is on the run

[1:04:49] and he's not sure why

[1:04:51] Nazis are chasing him

[1:04:52] in England in the 40s

[1:04:53] and he's not sure why

[1:04:54] and it's like

[1:04:55] this nightmare

[1:04:56] this man is being chased

[1:04:57] and doesn't understand

[1:04:58] what's going on and people are turning up dead when he goes to them for help and it ends with

[1:05:03] this ridiculous joke about cake and it's just like wait what and all they have to do is zippy

[1:05:08] like musical sting it's the same with raymaland in the uninvited where he has just exercised the

[1:05:15] murderous ghost of his girlfriend from from the house and it's really like tense and then she goes

[1:05:21] that was close and he turns her and goes the woman goes you think that was close for you

[1:05:25] That was almost my mother-in-law, the end.

[1:05:28] Like, for some reason, these movies had to end either on upbeat endings or jokes.

[1:05:33] But 99 River Street, it's a real tense little noir movie.

[1:05:37] Do I want to say a little known gem?

[1:05:39] Yeah, sure I do.

[1:05:40] And I hope you enjoy it.

[1:05:41] So if somebody were to watch all three of these movies in one sitting, what order should they go?

[1:05:46] I think maybe do Blue is the Warmest Color last.

[1:05:49] Actually, you know what?

[1:05:50] I'd say do 99 River Street, then Blue is the Warmest Color,

[1:05:53] and then end it

[1:05:55] with some bad Milo.

[1:05:56] Cap it off with a butt demon

[1:05:58] to kind of wash out the taste

[1:06:00] of ruined romance and murder.

[1:06:02] Yeah.

[1:06:02] Well, guys,

[1:06:04] I know you guys have a metal show

[1:06:06] to go to.

[1:06:06] Yeah, Elliot and I

[1:06:07] are going to go see

[1:06:08] some squealing guitars.

[1:06:09] Masters of Thrash, 2013.

[1:06:11] So, I don't think

[1:06:14] there's anything else to say

[1:06:15] for the Flophouse.

[1:06:16] But there's so much to say, Dan.

[1:06:17] Dan, Dan, I love you.

[1:06:18] Dan, I've been holding you back

[1:06:20] all this time.

[1:06:21] I got to tie it off quick.

[1:06:22] For the Flophouse,

[1:06:22] I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:06:23] Dan is the warmest color

[1:06:25] I was just going to keep waiting

[1:06:28] and let you keep pestering him for a while

[1:06:29] I'm Stuart Wellington and I'm Elliot Kalin

[1:06:31] that was a flop house

[1:06:33] Dan Dan Dan no

[1:06:35] my favorite movie featuring

[1:06:42] Buster Poindexter

[1:06:44] more than Carving Before War

[1:06:45] okay you guys are both right

[1:06:48] I like this more

[1:06:49] or where's the one where he gets killed by a cat in the mouth

[1:06:51] Dale's from the dark side of the movie

[1:06:55] It's called Captain Cat in the Mouth

[1:06:57] He gets a cat in the mouth

[1:06:58] The superhero who kills crooks by shoving cats in their mouths

[1:07:01] Submarine sandwich situation

[1:07:03] Exactly

[1:07:04] Submarine cat witch

[1:07:05] Submarine cat witch Everdeen

[1:07:07] What a powerful tribute

[1:07:11] To Subway Sandwiches

The Flop House: Episode #140 - After Earth

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