The Flop House: Episode #142 - Getaway

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss the movie that made Selena Gomez an action star, Getaway.

[0:31] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:35] So that was Dan McCoy, and I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:38] I'm Elliot Kalin, and I'd reintroduce those guys, but they just said their names.

[0:42] And I'm Stuart Wellington, and this is...

[0:44] Dan McCoy.

[0:45] And I'm Elliot Kalin, and over there is...

[0:47] This is the Stuart Wellington.

[0:50] The Stuart Wellington House.

[0:52] Stuart Wellington House. In the Stuart Wellington House, we watch a bad movie.

[0:56] It's a sitcom about Stuart Wellington raising three foster children.

[0:59] He's pretending that he's a gay man living with two hot babes.

[1:04] That's the only way I can get extra money from the government to pay for my Pitbull collection.

[1:11] You have a collection of Pitbull CDs?

[1:14] Rare Pitbull CDs.

[1:16] Rare Pitbull singles and B-sides.

[1:19] Recorded at concerts across the U.S. of A.

[1:23] Right off the mixing board.

[1:25] So the end.

[1:26] Normal. The end.

[1:28] Okay, see you later.

[1:29] That bit's done.

[1:30] So this is a podcast called The Flophouse.

[1:32] Flophouse.

[1:33] Flophouse.

[1:34] Flophouse.

[1:35] Here's the thing.

[1:36] Normally is playing at...

[1:38] Here, in your ears.

[1:40] Flophouse.

[1:41] The end.

[1:43] This normally would be the most wonderful time of the year.

[1:47] We would be celebrating Cajmus.

[1:49] Now, yeah, it's December. Christmas is right around the corner, and Cajmus is, of course, all month long.

[1:54] But, Dan, for some reason you were very adamant about not celebrating Cajmus.

[1:57] Here's the thing.

[1:58] There's a war on Cajmus, guys.

[2:00] Oh, my God.

[2:01] Who would we wage such a thing?

[2:02] It's the jolliest time of the year with the best hair.

[2:05] And by best, I mean worst.

[2:06] I would be commenting on this, but I'm too busy gnashing my teeth together.

[2:09] Now, Dan, Cajmus is a time of year for all men of good faith and women to come together in peace and have terrible accents and stupid wigs.

[2:18] Celebrate the works of St. Nicholas Cage.

[2:21] Who is best known for the miracle of still having a career.

[2:26] Here's the thing, though.

[2:28] The war on Cajmus, the liberal media has failed us by not releasing another Nicholas Cage movie that's good for the flop house.

[2:37] Surely there must be one.

[2:38] There's one.

[2:39] There's too many sheeple out there.

[2:40] There's literally – I looked over the IMDb page for Nicholas Cage, and we've literally done like the last ten Nicholas Cage movies, and the next one is Frozen Ground.

[2:50] Oh, yeah, Frozen, the Disney movie.

[2:52] It's supposed to be good.

[2:53] No, Frozen Ground.

[2:54] Nicholas Cage is like a goofy snowman.

[2:56] It's with John Cusack, Frozen Ground.

[2:59] It seems like it should be great.

[3:00] Two flop house faves.

[3:02] Yeah.

[3:03] Word on the street.

[3:04] It's like Paperboy meets, I don't know, a Nicholas Cage movie.

[3:08] Word on the street, though, is that it's boring.

[3:10] Oh, the flop house debby.

[3:12] So instead –

[3:13] Oh, that's the kiss of flop house debby.

[3:15] Our arch nemesis, Count Boredom.

[3:17] The evil Eastern European count who's really boring.

[3:20] Okay, listeners, this is called a flop house aside.

[3:23] This is where I take you aside and explain that the flop house hates boring movies.

[3:27] This is where Stewart listens, takes you aside, and makes love to your ears.

[3:32] Hey there, I have a cold, so my voice sounds awesome.

[3:35] We hate boring movies, and that's why we didn't watch on Frozen Ground.

[3:39] Unfortunately, we – and so we watched a really exciting movie tonight.

[3:43] That's what I'm getting to.

[3:45] Instead of Merry Cagemas, we say Hockey Holidays to you.

[3:49] Hockey Holidays because we watched Ethan Hawke.

[3:52] Because we watched Hudson Hawke?

[3:55] We watched Lady Hawke?

[3:57] We watched Ethan Hawke's car movie.

[4:00] Howard the Hawk?

[4:01] The Getaway, or just Getaway, actually.

[4:03] It's just called Getaway.

[4:04] This movie was originally reported to be a remake of The Getaway, which had already been a remake of another movie called The Getaway.

[4:11] But no, it's just called Getaway, as in get away from this movie.

[4:14] You will not enjoy it.

[4:16] But it's not related to The Getaway at all.

[4:18] It's just Getaway.

[4:20] It's not like an updating, like the way the Fast and the Furious sequel was called Fast and Furious.

[4:24] Or the way that the Godfather sequel was called Godfather.

[4:27] Or the way that, strangely enough, Jurassic Park sequel was called Jurassic the Park.

[4:32] Yeah, that's weird. That doesn't make any sense.

[4:34] And the sequel to Attack the Block was Attack Block.

[4:37] Well, the the was extraneous.

[4:40] And then the sequel to Ladies and Gentlemen of the Fabulous Stains was Ladies and Gentlemen of the Fabulous Stains.

[4:45] People hate the word the these days.

[4:48] It used to be necessary for every title.

[4:50] Now they don't want it.

[4:51] Howard the Duck sequel, Howard Duck.

[4:53] Yeah.

[4:54] The popular band The The is now known as...

[4:57] Yep, that's what they're called now.

[4:59] Yep.

[5:00] I wish you could see that Dan just froze with his mouth open for a couple seconds.

[5:04] Yeah.

[5:05] Better for a visual medium.

[5:07] But anyway.

[5:09] So I feel this is actually kind of in the spirit of Cagemas, because even August Channeling is inner Cage.

[5:15] He is very much so.

[5:16] By traveling to Eastern Europe.

[5:18] He is a very good actor who is going to Eastern Europe.

[5:20] He is Bangkok dangerous in his role.

[5:22] No, that's not Eastern Europe.

[5:24] Not at all.

[5:25] He is Bulgaria dangerous.

[5:27] Just like Nicolas Cage in Eastern Europe, he is Port of Call New Orleans.

[5:32] Just like Nicolas Cage, yes, he is doing an action-adventure movie in Eastern Europe for probably most of the budget going to him personally and is a very good actor, wasting his talents on this.

[5:46] And seems like an outlet for him to relive his classic car fascism.

[5:51] Yeah, I mean the thing is I understand.

[5:53] If I was a Hollywood actor, a guy...

[5:58] Okay.

[5:59] What is your Hollywood name?

[6:01] Like Johnny Star?

[6:02] Uh-huh.

[6:03] Chance Blasto?

[6:05] Yeah.

[6:06] If I was a Hollywood actor, Chance Blasto.

[6:09] And, you know, like I was maybe a bit of a heartthrob in my youth.

[6:13] Yeah, that makes sense.

[6:14] Bicep meat slam.

[6:16] No.

[6:17] Your first name is Bicep.

[6:18] So he is an action star.

[6:19] I like Chance Blasto.

[6:21] Okay, Chance Blasto.

[6:22] The sci-fi porn star?

[6:24] Yeah.

[6:25] But the thing is I am entering my middle age.

[6:28] I'm getting gaunt.

[6:29] I'm getting...

[6:31] You either get gaunt or puffy when you're a middle-aged actor.

[6:33] Yeah.

[6:34] Ethan Hawke is going gaunt.

[6:35] Jeans don't quite fit the same as they used to.

[6:38] No.

[6:39] But I will allow around the hips.

[6:41] You're wearing Dockers of a different size.

[6:43] And maybe I was a more serious actor, a more quirky actor in my youth.

[6:47] But now that I'm reaching middle age, now I want to recapture some of that like youthful vigor and I want to do like a big action movie.

[6:57] And I understand.

[6:58] Slap a leather jacket on, Chance.

[7:01] Yeah, put a leather jacket and a baseball cap on and ride around in a car.

[7:05] Blasto through Bulgaria.

[7:07] Sofia, Bulgaria, the only city that is so sharp-tongued that it deserved to bear the name of the best golden girl.

[7:13] You also have to grow a little beard.

[7:18] Well, he's had a little beard for a long time.

[7:20] Yeah, I know.

[7:21] That's a great little beard.

[7:22] Now, I may have an aside.

[7:23] It's time for another episode of Elliot's Theater Going Adventures.

[7:27] OK.

[7:28] Let me just say I've seen Ethan Hawke in a number of plays now.

[7:30] I don't like this reoccurring theme.

[7:32] He's a really great actor.

[7:34] Like even in plays that are not very good that I've seen him in, he's really good.

[7:38] And I've seen plays he's directed.

[7:40] Like he's a really good theater director.

[7:42] And so it's one of those things where it's like he must be trying so hard not to be good in this movie because he's so nonexistent and barely there.

[7:49] But it helps that he has very little dialogue in the movie other than like, where's my wife?

[7:54] And most of it is just him driving a car and smashing into things.

[7:59] Most of it is …

[8:04] Smash and Selena Gomez going, watch out, my car.

[8:09] Selena Gomez Adams, that is.

[8:10] It's almost like Michael Winslow from the Police Academy movie showed up.

[8:13] Yeah.

[8:14] Yeah, Dan, do you have some more sound effects?

[8:15] Yeah, do a helicopter.

[8:17] Beep, beep, honk.

[8:18] That's not very good.

[8:19] How about that?

[8:20] Okay.

[8:21] Record scratch.

[8:22] J-mail, J-mail.

[8:23] Horse sound.

[8:24] Horse sound.

[8:26] Crackle, crackle, fire.

[8:28] Explosion.

[8:29] So this is the point where you usually give some sort of synopsis.

[8:34] Yeah, I'll try to do it quick.

[8:36] I always say I'll try to do it quick and it turns into a 35-minute rant.

[8:40] But this movie was a bunch of scenes intercut with car chases.

[8:44] This movie is just a car chase.

[8:45] It's like 85% car chase.

[8:47] And that sounds great.

[8:48] Like if you said to me there's an action movie.

[8:50] It's a lean, small, low-budget movie with a star in Bulgaria that's 85% car chase.

[8:57] I'd be like that sounds like it could be great.

[8:59] But it's not.

[9:00] It's really terrible.

[9:01] And the reason for this is a lot of it is in the direction and camera work, which means

[9:05] most of the movie is shot by digital video cameras that have just been kind of randomly placed around every object in a scene.

[9:12] Yeah, it looks like Taxi Cab Confessions, the action film.

[9:16] Yeah, and they cut between them ridiculously.

[9:18] It's like if Taxi Cab was like an action movie.

[9:21] Full contact, Taxi Cab Confessions.

[9:23] I like it.

[9:24] A 13-year-old version of me would have liked it up until a point.

[9:27] And then I realized I was not going to get anything really good out of it.

[9:30] So we're in Sofia, Bulgaria, where Ethan Hawke is playing the awesomely named former race car driver Brent Magma.

[9:37] It sounds like Magma, so he'd be a lava man, right?

[9:39] He either has lava powers or magnetic powers or both.

[9:42] Magnetic lava.

[9:44] He's a double threat, I think is what that's called.

[9:46] Yeah.

[9:47] There's a montage at the beginning that uses both the present and the past cut together to show that his wife was kidnapped while getting ready for Christmas.

[9:56] Yeah, you know it's the past because they use black and white.

[9:59] Yeah, because she was kidnapped.

[10:00] 50 years ago, he gets a phone call from a man only called The Voice, played by John Voight.

[10:06] And The Voice is a competition show in which John Voight sits in a chair and tells you to smash

[10:13] your car into random nonsense, and if he likes it, he turns around in the chair and, I guess,

[10:18] gets eaten by an anaconda and then thrown up? Sure. Yeah, and gets winks at the audience.

[10:21] Winks at the audience, and then he throws a Baby Genius at you? I don't know.

[10:24] Yeah, he smashes his bust at the fucking Brad's High School.

[10:30] So John Voight tells him, you're going to find this car in a parking garage, and it's a Shelby

[10:36] car with a Cobra insignia on it, and you're going to drive it around and do everything I tell you,

[10:40] or else I'm going to kill your wife. And what he basically wants him to do, for the most part,

[10:44] is drive around smashing into things, mainly ramming through Christmas villages?

[10:48] Christmas villages.

[10:49] Listen, let me just say this. Sophia does Christmas up right.

[10:53] There's Christmas all over the fucking town. Everything is Christmas.

[10:56] They might as well call it Christmas City, which is the name of the city in Last Sounds of Courage

[11:01] from the last episode, but this was the real Christmas City. It seems every tree is a Christmas

[11:05] tree. Every person's an elf. Every box is a wrapped gift. Every house is a Christmas house.

[11:10] Santa's just walking around doing his business. There's tons of them everywhere.

[11:14] Every John Voight is a Grinch.

[11:16] Every Bulgarian is a Who in Whoville.

[11:19] I wish they had gone as far as saying, adapted from The Grinch Who Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss,

[11:26] but no, it's not.

[11:27] I also want to say that this is another 12-round situation where, eventually,

[11:32] we don't want to spoil it too fast, but eventually we'll get to what the Voight's actual plan is,

[11:37] but before that, he puts them through so many hoops where it's just like,

[11:41] wow, you are making it very hard on your own plan. The guy could die before this and get arrested.

[11:49] Every hoop is go drive through a thing or get in a car chase with the police.

[11:54] Hey, smash into that truck carrying a bunch of water bottles for no reason.

[11:58] He's literally saying, ram into that, drive over that thing, go down those stairs.

[12:02] It feels like a Grand Theft Auto mission.

[12:06] It doesn't even feel like a mission. It feels like when I would get bored of Grand Theft Auto

[12:10] and just drive around running over people and be like, okay, now I'm going to steal a fire truck

[12:13] and just run around and see when the police catch me.

[12:15] Visceral thrill of running into that fire truck and watching it explode.

[12:18] Yeah. I have to say, I never thought I'd be watching a movie and say,

[12:22] I miss the clockwork plotting and sharply drawn characters of 12 rounds,

[12:28] a movie which is mainly John Cena destroying the parts of New Orleans that Katrina didn't get to.

[12:35] 12 rounds looks like a really good movie next to this. The rounds are different competitions.

[12:42] You've got Karketty as the villain and he's like doing funny stuff sometimes.

[12:46] John Cena says things and like Ethan Hawke who just kind of mumbles stuff every now and then.

[12:50] Yeah. And the villain has like a clear motivation and he wants just some kind of vague thing.

[12:54] Well, the thing is he wants revenge on John Cena and it turns out he wants to rob a bank.

[12:58] So like there's a primary motivation that you know, and there's a secondary motivation that

[13:03] you don't know about. Here, the second, the only motivation you don't really know,

[13:07] you just know that his wife is going to die if he doesn't do the things.

[13:10] Meanwhile, Selena Gomez shows up. She's known only as the kid, according to Wikipedia.

[13:15] And she's like, I guess she looked like one. I've never really seen stuff with Selena Gomez

[13:21] in it. And you just see like links on Huffington Post that are like Selena Gomez bikini pics.

[13:25] And watching this, she looks like she's like 12 and a half. She's got like a really,

[13:29] she's got like a baby face. It's really creepy.

[13:31] Like a chipmunk face. She's got a little baby fat, puffy cheeks.

[13:35] Yeah. You know, make her feel bad.

[13:37] I'm not, no, I mean, I know that.

[13:39] Take that Selena Gomez. You do not have a shot with Dan McCoy.

[13:43] Dan McCoy is out of your league, Selena Gomez. Go back to Justin Bieber.

[13:49] Dan McCoy is saying you are an uggo. He only goes for tens and you're a two.

[13:56] Dan said it, not me. I'm quoting Dan McCoy.

[13:59] Well, one would be bottom of the barrel. Or I guess a zero would be like a man.

[14:03] Yeah. I mean, that seems homophobic to me.

[14:07] There's certain men for Dan number fives and sixes.

[14:09] There's certain men out there that, you know, like, yeah, sure.

[14:11] Well, like who, Dan? Like Stewart?

[14:13] I'd say that, you know, like Harrison Ford in his prime.

[14:15] In his prime, not anymore.

[14:16] So it's at least a six, even for a heterosexual.

[14:19] Like a Paul, yeah, because like Paul Newman is like a ten.

[14:21] Oh man, that guy, that is a handsome man.

[14:23] Even when he was old and all gravelly voice.

[14:25] And you have financial security with him, so it's cool.

[14:28] It's true, because of his popcorn and salad dressing empire.

[14:31] A Michael Fassbender, that's a handsome guy.

[14:33] He's very handsome, yeah, yeah.

[14:34] You check him out in shame, you know he's got the goods.

[14:37] You know that he's packing heat, and by heat, I mean a big penis.

[14:41] That's what the movie The Heat was about, right?

[14:43] Yep, yeah.

[14:43] And that movie Heat was Al Pacino and Robert De Niro?

[14:45] Yep, it's a licensed thrill with his penis.

[14:50] If it looks good thrill. Anyway, so.

[14:52] So they can in the case of The Heat, starring Robert De Niro and Al Pacino.

[14:57] It's not about heat.

[14:59] So, Selena Gomez is the owner of the car, and she tries to carjack it from Ethan Hawke,

[15:03] but fails, and Ethan Hawke is told by the voice,

[15:07] now she has to stay with you, because she can't mess up our plan.

[15:10] And Selena Gomez is a car expert and a computer whiz, and so she is.

[15:14] But not a carjacking expert.

[15:15] But not a carjacking expert, no.

[15:17] And she's using her cell phone and her iPad to eventually help Ethan Hawke

[15:21] turn the tables on Jon Voight.

[15:23] Let's just cut it short.

[15:24] She's one of those, like, you know, she's one of those TV stars.

[15:27] She's one of those teenage, those hot teenage women,

[15:31] gearhead hackers that we've been hearing so much about.

[15:33] Yeah, well, you know, like you're Megan Fox's in the Transformers movies.

[15:36] You're Angelina Jolie in the movie Hackers.

[15:39] You're girls with the dragons tattoos.

[15:41] Yeah, you're, uh, you're, uh, what, Jammin' the Holograms?

[15:45] Is she a hacker?

[15:46] Yeah, probably.

[15:47] Probably, right?

[15:48] That's how she glows.

[15:49] You're Neuromanstresses.

[15:53] You're Mona Lisa overdrives, you know, those things.

[15:55] You're Mona's Lisa smiles.

[15:58] What?

[15:58] Mona Lisa smiles.

[15:59] No computers in it.

[16:00] It said, like, 1857 or something.

[16:03] Anyway, so, uh, it turns out that Selena Gomez

[16:06] is the daughter of Sofia Bulgaria's largest bank.

[16:09] I love her on Modern Family.

[16:11] And they're going to upload, they go, the Voight,

[16:14] Jon Voight tells them to go to a, an electricity transformer and.

[16:20] It explodes.

[16:22] But they're framed for it, I guess.

[16:23] It blows up real good.

[16:25] Uh, and then they, it turns out that they wanted that, uh,

[16:29] Jon Voight wants to steal something at the bank.

[16:31] The assets are being, the assets are in a computer.

[16:34] And because of the electricity shutdown,

[16:36] the computer is being moved via a truck to a safer location.

[16:40] So that's when they're moving in the truck.

[16:42] His motorcycled henchmen, who it seems could have done all this without Ethan Hawke.

[16:45] Yep.

[16:46] Show up and steal the computer.

[16:48] But Ethan Hawke and Selena Gomez.

[16:50] Before they do that, they show up, fire a bunch of machine guns,

[16:53] one-handed on their, um, what, like motorbikes?

[16:56] Yeah.

[16:56] Motorcycles.

[16:56] Excite bikes.

[16:57] Motorcycles.

[16:58] It's one of your classic diehard scenarios where the,

[17:01] what, what appears to be what's, what's going on is actually just a distraction.

[17:06] It's all misdirection.

[17:07] Yeah, it's like the prestige.

[17:08] For the big heist that's happening.

[17:10] Yeah.

[17:10] Then they slap some bombs on the armored car that look like the game Simon, the memory game.

[17:15] Yeah.

[17:16] They explode.

[17:16] The game doesn't explode.

[17:17] The game Simon only explodes if you lose 35 times in a row.

[17:21] Parker Brothers recalled all the Simons that exploded.

[17:24] Yeah.

[17:25] In the 70s.

[17:26] Social Darwinism is what it's called.

[17:27] It's called, I mean, if you waste your time with Simon, then you probably,

[17:31] you're not contributing a lot.

[17:33] Ooh, Simon Burn.

[17:35] I mean, I spent plenty of time playing it when I was a kid.

[17:36] Fuck you, game, from back in the late 70s, early 80s.

[17:42] Black and white times.

[17:43] Yeah, old times.

[17:44] Anyway, so, but it turns out Selena Gomez and Nicholas Cage have turned the tables on the,

[17:49] on John Clayton.

[17:49] Did you say Nicholas Cage or Ethan Hawke?

[17:51] I did say Nicholas Cage because I wanted to be Nicholas Cage so badly.

[17:54] Because I love Cage so much.

[17:55] It's my favorite time of the year.

[17:57] So, Ethan Hawke's going to be Nicholas Cage for the rest of this.

[17:59] Yes, I might call him Nicholas Cage.

[18:01] You know it's Ethan Hawke.

[18:02] I wanted to be Nicholas Cage.

[18:03] One of them's a date breaker.

[18:04] One of them is a date maker.

[18:06] A date breaker?

[18:07] Yeah.

[18:07] He's in Daybreakers.

[18:09] Yeah, date breakers.

[18:10] The movie where he breaks up dates.

[18:11] Where Ethan Hawke makes plans and then breaks them in less minutes.

[18:15] Don't make plans with Ethan Hawke.

[18:16] He ruins appointments.

[18:18] Do you think Nicholas Cage would be more or less creepy co-starring with Selena Gomez?

[18:24] Oh, certainly.

[18:24] I know less because he's co-starred with kids and young women before.

[18:28] Whereas Ethan Hawke doesn't establish himself that way yet, I feel like.

[18:32] So, he seems at any moment like he might suddenly start hitting on Selena Gomez.

[18:36] What, after midnight was the movie's in?

[18:38] Before midnight.

[18:39] But what happens after midnight?

[18:41] He has sex with Julie Delphi, I guess.

[18:43] That makes sense.

[18:44] After they have their topless argument.

[18:46] Spoiler alert.

[18:49] If you want to see Julie Delphi topless and a pretty realistic portrayal of what a married

[18:53] couple's argument looks like before midnight.

[18:55] Or don't look now.

[18:58] Well, you don't see Julie Delphi.

[18:59] You'll see Julie Christie topless in that.

[19:00] It's a Julie.

[19:01] Also Donald Sutherland totally starkers.

[19:04] And murderous dwarf.

[19:08] And murderous dwarf Tim Conway as Dwarf.

[19:11] What if it turned out at the end it was Dwarf?

[19:13] Dwarf on murder.

[19:14] I told you to learn golfing.

[19:18] That'd be so great if Tim Conway just waddles away.

[19:24] Dwarf look now.

[19:25] Conway standing in a trench slashing Donald Sutherland's throat.

[19:29] As Harvey Korman just watches laughing, keep just cracking up.

[19:32] Dwarf look now.

[19:34] Certainly one of Nicholas Rogue's most underrated films.

[19:38] Starring Tim Conway as the murderous dwarf.

[19:41] And Kiefer Sutherland as Donald Sutherland.

[19:44] Yeah, it's his story.

[19:45] Honestly, he was the start.

[19:46] The Dwarf is the start of the original.

[19:48] There's no movie without the Dwarf.

[19:50] Without him, it's just a scene of Donald Sutherland having sex with his wife and then

[19:54] brushing his teeth nude.

[19:56] And beautiful shots of Venice.

[19:58] That Dwarf makes it.

[20:00] the movie and that's what's in his door

[20:03] so i guess i just don't like uh... i don't understand the academy's uh...

[20:06] organization how they organize a best actor for sporting actor although

[20:10] clearly dorf wins best actor in perpetuity i think it's

[20:14] he's about screen time for the most part but when the when the pivotal role that

[20:18] pivotal you know sure for the three seconds of screen time he really would

[20:21] win best actor yet

[20:22] tim conway's we would win as door that's the thing

[20:25] it was a best actor tim conway is a best actor dork

[20:28] well it's gonna be tough for us to live in that

[20:30] yeah he also won best live-action short subject for dork on fishing

[20:34] and best documentary for the making of dork on fishing

[20:37] now i know you're saying dork on fishing is a short subject but the making of is

[20:40] a full-length documentary yes exactly

[20:43] it was three hours long it was released to theaters

[20:46] some people say that uh... much like heart of darkness it really is as good

[20:51] as the movie that it's about

[20:53] anyway that's right

[20:54] hearts of darkness yes sorry

[20:56] heart of darkness is the original story i was just getting that out of the way before

[20:59] somebody emails us which they will and i'll never hear the end of how i got

[21:02] gizmoduck's code word wrong because i think a thing i literally haven't heard in

[21:07] let's say twenty five years

[21:10] well uh... we're expecting your resignation to both your job your wife

[21:13] and the flop house and i just got a new job and a new flop house

[21:17] you resigned to your wife

[21:19] i'm sorry honey uh... here's my letter of resignation my letter of resignation i got

[21:23] something wrong about gizmoduck you did the right thing honey

[21:27] i'm unhappy that it ended this way but we can't stay married

[21:31] so anyway

[21:32] but it turns out

[21:33] ethan hawk i was about to say nicolas cage again ethan hawk and selena gomez have

[21:36] tricked john voight using the old speed trick

[21:39] they see this thing john voight has all these cameras mounted in the car so he can

[21:43] watch them from every angle at all times so we the audience can watch shitty

[21:47] like video car chases shot by dv from the side of the car or at one point a

[21:51] camera behind the gear shift so that you're seeing it's like having an

[21:54] obstructed view seat at the giant ethan hawk show if you want to pay how much

[21:59] does a movie cost nowadays like seventy five dollars ok so you go to spend

[22:04] that much money on a movie

[22:05] movie on a money who cares you spend that much movie you have to pay movies are so

[22:09] expensive now that you have to pay with the movie you made now when you want to watch a movie

[22:12] that's all shot on somebody's fucking cell phone

[22:14] i don't think so not at all

[22:16] unless it was called

[22:18] selfies shot by famous hollywood actresses with no clothes on the movie

[22:22] and that's the thing like apparently america

[22:24] it's a feature film? it's a documentary best documentary

[22:28] it actually lost to

[22:30] the making of dorf on fishing but it was very close it won the golden globe

[22:34] it was like what seven to six?

[22:39] the thirteen member council of oscar elders

[22:43] the galactic jedi council that votes on oscar movies oddly enough the thirteen

[22:47] chairs uh... kept uh... vacant

[22:49] for i guess the old one or the chosen one when he was finally born

[22:55] now you keep looking at me as if i... you were going to say something no i know

[22:58] but it doesn't seem important now america's insatiable desire

[23:03] apparently for movies that look like their home videos yeah well

[23:07] it's cheap to make they want to feel like they could make a movie frankly it's cheaper to

[23:11] make movies they're just like us and dan i hate to break it to you

[23:14] a lot of americans cannot tell the difference between video and film

[23:17] in the same way that like

[23:18] my wife cannot tell the difference when our tv is on the right or wrong aspect

[23:22] ratio even though everyone looks like squat toad men yeah it's how uh... it's

[23:26] how like george lucas doesn't think

[23:29] cgi looks fake or sylvester stallone thinks

[23:32] cgi bullet hits

[23:33] is just as good as actual crap there's a lot of people whose eyes don't have the

[23:37] sophisticated eye palettes that ours have whereas i see two seconds of a

[23:41] a tv that is set to motion smoothing and my brain explodes

[23:46] like how can you watch this luckily your brain comes back together and we can make a

[23:50] podcast you know how in being john malkovich there's a scene where the

[23:54] the chimp's

[23:55] memory we see it and it's shot on video

[23:58] and how brilliant that is that he literally uses a different format for the

[24:00] memory of an animal

[24:02] there's a lot of people who didn't pick up on that subtlety they're just like

[24:04] okay yeah now this is also shot on the same thing

[24:07] so this is to tell the difference between video and film

[24:09] three superior assholes saying fuck you america

[24:12] to tell the difference between video and film it has to be like a faulty towers episode

[24:16] where it's video and then it goes to like sixteen millimeter on the outside

[24:19] oh i thought you were saying the outside world is shot in film for some reason

[24:22] i remember as a kid not knowing that those were the reason for that but being like

[24:26] why does the outside look different in england

[24:29] it's almost like the difference between tasting a delicious american micro-brew beer

[24:35] and then a glass of hobo diarrhea

[24:38] oh the hobo diaries the hit show

[24:41] that's the thing they can't tell the difference

[24:44] luckily we can with our eyeballs

[24:46] so the bad guys are stealing the computer with the bank money on it

[24:49] but what they didn't know is that

[24:52] ethan hawke and selena gomez again i was almost in nicolas cage

[24:55] ethan hawke and selena gomez have pulled the old speed trick

[24:58] and looped some tape of them in the car

[25:01] the old speed trick is not the one where you slam on the brakes and grab the girls boobs right

[25:06] uh no

[25:07] i think he does that at one point though right

[25:09] i don't think so

[25:10] oh i'm going to imagine

[25:11] in this movie or in speed

[25:12] wait this isn't called speed

[25:15] no no

[25:16] the speed trick is when you're driving a bus and you're eating popcorn

[25:20] you put the popcorn over your penis

[25:22] yeah yeah it makes it so much harder because the bus is jostling

[25:25] and you're worried it might jostle your penis through the popcorn

[25:29] once it's out in the open

[25:31] yeah because when you jostle a thing of popcorn

[25:33] the penis is pulled out

[25:34] it's the feeling of hot popcorn jumping up and down on your penis

[25:38] because of course that's a pleasurable sensation

[25:40] everybody loves that

[25:42] you know what

[25:43] like a hot popcorn massage

[25:44] why don't you try it at home

[25:45] just take some burning cinders out of the fire

[25:47] you're just going to sprinkle them on your penis

[25:49] yup because you're in like a fucking meat hall

[25:52] go to the heart

[25:54] stop drinking grog for a moment

[25:56] put down that bar wench

[25:58] go to where the huge boar is roasting on a spit

[26:02] and take out some cinders from the fire

[26:04] lift up your kilt

[26:06] yup you're listening to us the skalds

[26:08] sitting around the hearth fire

[26:10] and you'll be skalded

[26:11] if you do that to your penis

[26:12] anyway so he pulled the old speed trick of looping

[26:15] for the movie speed

[26:16] looping the video so it looks like they're just driving around

[26:18] Selena Gomez and Ethan Hawke show up

[26:20] they steal the money computer

[26:22] and then there's like

[26:24] another car chase showdown

[26:26] and eventually the good guys win

[26:28] except it turns out

[26:30] instead of editing techniques

[26:32] they just throw in car chases

[26:34] yeah and they're going to meet up

[26:36] to hand off the bank stuff

[26:38] to John Voight in exchange for Ethan Hawke's wife

[26:40] the bank stuff is the money computer

[26:42] the police show up

[26:44] it seems like John Voight has driven away

[26:46] with Selena Gomez kidnapped

[26:48] Ethan Hawke chases him for a long time

[26:50] that is a great scene though

[26:51] the scene where the cops lock down the bad guys

[26:53] and Ethan Hawke and then Selena Gomez

[26:55] is whisked away by evil baddies

[26:57] and Ethan Hawke just wanders over

[26:59] to his awesome car and drives away

[27:01] the cops are like no allow it

[27:03] yeah you've been literally

[27:05] we've been chasing you all night

[27:07] terrorizing the whole town

[27:09] no terrorizing the country yeah

[27:11] different cities you just show up and strike

[27:13] yeah it was a nationwide manhunt

[27:15] he's driving through Christmas City

[27:17] smashing up

[27:19] everything that he sees

[27:21] he built this city on Christmas

[27:23] it's fine

[27:25] he's got a reason

[27:27] it's almost like in Bulgaria they have a limit

[27:29] to the number of people they can arrest

[27:31] at any one time

[27:33] four people gotta throw one back

[27:35] this one's not big enough

[27:37] wait till next season

[27:39] I thought you were going here

[27:41] I thought you were having a rare moment of

[27:43] genuineness

[27:45] I never have those

[27:47] I have to cloak everything in irony

[27:49] lest I show my delicate interior

[27:51] the chase at the end of this movie

[27:53] is the closest thing they have to a good chase

[27:55] because a lot of it is done

[27:57] in one single unbroken shot

[27:59] it's a point of view shot of Ethan Hawke's car

[28:01] as he's chasing what you think is

[28:03] John Voight's car it turns out at the end

[28:05] it's just an old man who looks kind of like John Voight

[28:07] it turns out John Voight the entire time has been

[28:09] speaking via satellite phone

[28:11] from America

[28:13] it's the character Pumpkinhead from the series Pumpkinhead

[28:15] and the bad guy gets away

[28:17] and John Voight's like

[28:19] thanks for helping me

[28:21] wait but I thought you lost

[28:23] so John Voight wins and it turns out he was a fan of Ethan Hawke as a race car driver

[28:25] and Ethan Hawke could have been great

[28:27] he thought if only he could get over his fear

[28:29] I guess so he feels like he did him a service

[28:31] by making him do all this stuff

[28:33] but anyway

[28:35] there's this last car chase and there's one unbroken

[28:37] shot from the point of view of Ethan Hawke's car

[28:39] following John Voight's car

[28:41] or the bad guy's van

[28:43] and it's the only good shot in the whole movie

[28:45] maybe

[28:47] it's a little bit

[28:49] you get a tiny bit of a less sophisticated

[28:51] less skillful version of what makes

[28:53] children of men so good

[28:55] like when they would do all those scenes in one take

[28:57] there's a real visceral sense of something happening

[28:59] I also re-watched Death Proof

[29:01] recently

[29:03] and I mean

[29:05] I always feel like an old man

[29:07] railing against the future when I say this

[29:09] but flying cars?

[29:11] no way! Robot butlers?

[29:13] dogs running on floating treadmills?

[29:15] the thing is if you actually do something

[29:17] when I was a boy we had sex with women

[29:19] not robots

[29:21] what I'm saying is hand me that robot

[29:23] spedka vodka

[29:25] sexy robots please

[29:27] what's her number where can I find her

[29:29] because I like a woman with no hair and exposed metal

[29:31] I want a robot that has a butt

[29:33] and the rest of it's just robot

[29:37] what I'm saying is

[29:39] that's part of the essentials collection

[29:41] if you actually stage

[29:43] a stunt for the camera

[29:45] film it at length

[29:47] there's a physical reality to what you're doing

[29:49] it will be much more exciting

[29:51] that's why Road Warrior is still

[29:53] an amazing movie

[29:55] I guess the Fast and Furious movies are fun

[29:57] but they're just not at the same level

[30:00] and when and when you look at

[30:01] any of the background around getaway

[30:04] they clearly spent a lot of money on

[30:06] uh... cars and car chases and like they spent so much money like

[30:10] apparently they even created a fucking junkyard of cars

[30:13] and you would like it's almost a disservice to all the stuntmen who worked in this

[30:17] none of whom got injured but it's cut into such complete gibberish it's shot and cut so poorly

[30:22] that like yeah a lot of probably really good stunts get lost it's not not to be

[30:27] like hyperbolic but it's almost like taking... but it's worse than hitler

[30:31] it's like taking great

[30:33] it's like great vocal performances or any performances and just chopping them

[30:37] up like seeing a great performance of shakespeare and then overly editing it so

[30:41] you can't

[30:41] you can't tell what's going on

[30:43] like these stuntmen put all that work into it and they basically just shat all over them

[30:48] like they killed their entire family is what I'm trying to say that was one of the stunts to be shit on

[30:53] you can do car stunts great motorcycle stunts great uh... will you let someone shit on you

[30:57] it's technically a stunt

[30:59] I see in your uh... special skills section of your resume it says scat

[31:05] now is that jazz singing or is that poop? poop? great let's talk

[31:10] I thought so it was all in capitals for some reason

[31:13] now you're an mc scat cat does that mean you're into schizoplay? no no jazz singing

[31:18] never mind forget it i'm calling the wrong cat oh your brother is into it though

[31:22] dc scat cat

[31:24] whatever you have written under objective is all in windings

[31:27] uh... why do you do that? did I say windings or winding reference? because of wing dixie

[31:34] you've typed it in nicolas winding reference

[31:38] everything is in nicolas winding reference so it's all just guys looking at stuff and then

[31:43] punching someone to death

[31:46] uh... amazing when's he making another movie?

[31:48] I don't know another one please

[31:50] uh... but anyway there's a couple so this movie is

[31:53] it's like eighty five percent poorly edited car chases

[31:57] uh... at the end the bad guy gets away which I guess sets it up for a sequel

[32:00] but I think my favorite moment in the whole movie is in the beginning

[32:03] uh... john voight is calling ethan hawke to explain what just happened and he says

[32:06] your wife has been

[32:08] taken and there's like a moment where your wife has been

[32:12] taken and it's almost like the movie pauses to be like

[32:14] get it remember like

[32:16] the movie you liked

[32:17] the successful movie

[32:18] we're doing that

[32:20] anyway john voight uses a voice that is part

[32:22] dracula and part

[32:24] burnhardt and part burnhardt

[32:26] but uh... it's it's you can tell john voight had a great time because most of the movie is

[32:30] of his shooting was sitting in a bar drinking a martini while doing this crazy voice

[32:34] there's one moment

[32:35] please it's time for you to crash into another scene

[32:38] ethan hawke ram into that one

[32:40] there's a great shot of him eating a martini olive that just reminded me of an

[32:44] even better shot of john noble eating uh... tomatoes in return of the king so

[32:49] i remember that shot yeah it's all gross there's a lot of mouth acting from john

[32:53] voight yeah it's all mouth acting

[32:56] you only see his full face at the end

[32:59] you see just his chin and his mouth before that and i wonder or like his back

[33:02] and he hasn't shaved recently so that looks cool and i wonder if it was

[33:05] supposed to be like

[33:06] a surprise

[33:07] like oh that was john voight the whole time that voice that sounded just like

[33:11] john voight and the chin that looked like john voight's chin

[33:14] that was john voight remember him he was in mission impossible

[33:18] remember him that's his big credit

[33:20] not the movie when he was coming home

[33:23] remember him from anaconda he's an anaconda expert

[33:28] uh... like there were no there was a why did you say runaway train so quietly like you were

[33:32] ashamed of it did you watch it by yourself

[33:36] did you masturbate to it was it like the time i watched

[33:39] tomcats by myself and was like looking around to make sure nobody saw me watching it was jerry o'connell

[33:44] and not jeremy o'connell his much more successful non-existent brother

[33:49] wait what

[33:51] uh... so this is a

[33:53] this is a movie that barely exists it's like a demo reel i was saying to dan

[33:57] it felt like i was watching the demo reel for the handling of the shelby cobra

[34:00] you know it's like a it looks like a car demo reel that's poorly made it looks

[34:04] like somebody filmed ethan hawke going to like stunt driving school yeah basically

[34:08] and it seems like ethan hawke probably had a great time making it because he was just stunt driving all day

[34:13] got paid to do it

[34:14] got to spend time in beautiful cloudy bulgaria around christmas time

[34:19] and uh... and he got to work opposite selena gomez who's an acting powerhouse

[34:23] amy adams

[34:24] hanging up your acting chops

[34:26] he's like

[34:27] can we go back and

[34:28] re-edit the after midnight before sunrise movies to put selena gomez in

[34:32] instead of julie delpy because

[34:34] she's got chops i'm sorry

[34:36] i did not walk away thinking selena gomez was the future of film acting

[34:42] is she a spring breaker? she was a spring breaker but not a date breaker because that's ethan hawke

[34:46] is she like a high school's musical?

[34:48] what is she from?

[34:49] i don't know what she's from is she like a digrassi or an iCarly?

[34:53] listeners write in and tell elliot what the answer is. is she a wizard of waverly place?

[34:57] she was not one of the high school musicals

[35:00] the spring breaker who was a high school musical was vanessa hutchins

[35:04] vanessa hutchins

[35:06] uh... so what was selena gomez in?

[35:09] besides the adams family

[35:11] is she a rugrat?

[35:12] is she a doug?

[35:14] is she a ren and snippy?

[35:15] i'm glad we covered all three cartoons that came out as the same batch of cartoons

[35:19] the original nicktoons

[35:20] was she a rocko's modern life or an ariel monster? she was in the

[35:24] movie selena starring j lo

[35:26] okay is she a cat dog?

[35:31] is she in all that?

[35:33] is she a good burger?

[35:36] is she a wienerville?

[35:39] is she a pinwheel or a today's special?

[35:43] nickelodeon shows come out and think it's the one. i only got to watch pinwheel when i would stay

[35:47] home from school sick but i wasn't sick i just wanted to stay home and watch pinwheel

[35:51] yeah you had pinwheel fever

[35:52] that's what you were sick with

[35:55] so uh... what's this movie drive angry?

[35:59] this is a really forgettable generic movie this is a good bad movie a bad bad movie

[36:04] or a movie you kind of like stewart

[36:06] i'm going to say a bad bad movie

[36:09] uh... like i think it could have been a good bad movie but they spent so little

[36:13] time on the actual dialogue sequences and the

[36:16] just the reliance on

[36:18] like the shitty video cameras that are taped to the outside of the car

[36:23] i'm going to agree with stewart here this had the potential to be a good bad movie but

[36:27] the car chases were just too monotonous and not well done and it was like

[36:31] fifteen twenty minutes of plot expended to an hour and a half

[36:34] it's a bad bad movie i agree it's a bad bad movie maybe if nicholas cage had been in it

[36:38] if nicholas cage had been in it it would have elevated it and he had brought one of his like wacky

[36:42] wacky performances as opposed to sedate performances instead of bangkok dangerous if he had like

[36:46] uh... if he had bad lieutenant all over the place i would have loved it if he was like

[36:50] ahhhh

[36:51] eyes bugging out waving his hands around punching selena gomez for no reason

[36:56] hey dan and stewart i'm not wearing a shirt do you have a good idea for how i can solve

[37:00] that problem what happened to your old shirt

[37:02] i don't know maybe a fire or a bear attack let's stick with the problem i am shirtless

[37:07] how do i solve it dan

[37:09] why don't you buy a flop house t-shirt it has your face on it that sounds like a great idea in

[37:13] case i forget who i am i can look at this shirt

[37:15] can people who don't have my face also buy this shirt

[37:18] look i don't care anymore what happened to your original shirt anyone can buy this new

[37:23] t-shirt from the flop house it's for twenty five dollars you should wear it it feels really

[37:27] good on your skin and where do i buy it from you can go to estoy merchandise

[37:32] estoymerchandise.com sounds like a good name not like what you said which sounds stupid

[37:37] estoymerchandise.com let me buy one doodly doodly doo a couple weeks later hey this shirt

[37:43] feels great and now i don't have the cold on my nipples anymore

[37:47] thanks guys for your great advice the flop house t-shirt at estoymerchandise.com

[37:51] can i have one too elliot you'll buy it yourself

[37:54] so uh before we get to letters i just want to uh apologize the winner of the hot dog

[38:20] we have a wiener he's the house cat arthur's theme arthur's theme contest music video

[38:26] this was a music video contest to make a music video to accompany the song of the autumn

[38:31] which means that the song's time is over unfortunately he's the house cat parentheses arthur's theme

[38:36] created by stewart wellington and nobody else

[38:38] yeah stewart wellington and alex smith the winner is friend of the flop house friend

[38:43] of the good friend of the flop house mr dan last name withheld

[38:47] wait dan mccoy of the um animated version uh if you if you've seen the videos his was

[38:55] the weird like ralph bakshi-esque uh animated freak out be more dismissive of the one he

[39:03] won a contest he put a lot of work it's not dismissive i'm just trying to be descriptive

[39:07] i guess i give a round of applause to dan for winning i guess around these parts of

[39:11] ralph bakshi freak out is yeah it's a pretty big compliment yeah i'm just saying it gets

[39:15] it gets creepy at the end it does but i was i mean i was impressed with a number of the

[39:20] entries there was a lot of great entries and it was a really hard choice which is glad why i'm

[39:24] glad we didn't have to choose it was decided via vote and uh but his i was impressed by the end

[39:29] when multiple people were credited for like animation help i was like wow a lot of like

[39:34] people put a lot of work into this yeah it looks really professional as as good as the person who

[39:41] said all the stuff that's in the song i was overwhelmed like i was genuinely i was almost

[39:48] embarrassed at how little i feel i contributed to what these people put together so i think

[39:53] it's great stuff everyone who submitted is a winner in the in the way that they created

[39:57] really exciting and and impressive works

[40:00] Everyone should feel like a winner, but in a larger, more literal sense, there is one

[40:03] winner.

[40:04] It's Dan.

[40:05] If you haven't had a chance to check him out, please check him out.

[40:07] They're on our website.

[40:08] They're fantastic.

[40:09] I've already emailed the winner about his winnings.

[40:14] What did he win?

[40:17] What was the prize?

[40:18] A Plot Us t-shirt.

[40:19] In the size of his choice.

[40:21] He gets to pick the movie, right?

[40:22] He gets to pick a movie that we will discuss.

[40:24] No, he gets one size, extra small, and he's got to put it out in front of a bunch of girls.

[40:29] Yeah.

[40:30] And then he has to flex.

[40:33] Joke's on you.

[40:34] He's Stuart Little sized, and he is ripped.

[40:36] So that shirt fit perfectly.

[40:39] But he Hulkamanied out of it, so we need another one.

[40:41] Yeah.

[40:42] All right.

[40:43] And he gets to choose the movie.

[40:44] So think of your movie choices.

[40:46] Get three possibilities together, because Dan is a big stickler.

[40:50] And he's always like, nah, not that one.

[40:52] Nah, not that one.

[40:53] He has not picked yet.

[40:55] The fact that I try to get multiple choices is more about the fact that sometimes there's

[41:00] a question of availability.

[41:01] Sometimes there's a question of whether we've all seen something already.

[41:05] So we won't be watching this movie for a little bit for reasons that we won't get into.

[41:08] And if you're looking to influence him, please do not kidnap his wife and then make him drive

[41:13] around for a while to pick your choice of movie.

[41:16] Because it will be boring.

[41:17] It will be so boring.

[41:18] And it will destroy Christmas.

[41:21] Now we can finally get into everyone's favorite segment, letters from listeners.

[41:28] Letters from listeners, everyone's favorite segment is this.

[41:32] Letters from listeners, don't boo or hiss, it's your favorite segment, because you wrote

[41:36] the letters and we're going to read them.

[41:39] You should know what's in them already, so maybe we don't have to read them, we'll just

[41:44] answer them.

[41:45] Okay.

[41:46] Here's one with questions.

[41:47] Number one, the answer is yes.

[41:49] Number two, the answer is blue.

[41:51] Number three, the answer is no.

[41:52] Number four, the answer is you.

[41:55] The answers are there for the questions you asked, so that you know what the things are

[42:00] now.

[42:01] Letters from listeners, listeners for letters, listen to letters as Dan reads them out loud.

[42:07] Be in the crowd, out in the cloud, Dan reads the letters out loud.

[42:12] I think that's enough.

[42:13] The end.

[42:14] Okay.

[42:15] It's a good long one, huh?

[42:16] Yeah, it could have been longer.

[42:18] Dear Daniel, Elliot, and Stuart.

[42:21] No, no.

[42:22] Daniel?

[42:23] Can you get my parents back together?

[42:26] Daniel, Elliot, and Stuart.

[42:28] All I want for Christmas is a family.

[42:30] No.

[42:31] Will you be mine?

[42:32] No, we have families of our own.

[42:34] Let me read.

[42:35] This is written by a puppy?

[42:36] I was...

[42:37] Ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff.

[42:38] How interesting they changed to his native tongue after the first paragraph.

[42:44] I was transcribing the Flophouse.

[42:47] Native tongue.

[42:49] I was transcribing the Flophouse into a series of meticulously detailed marble notebooks

[42:54] that I store in my evidence dungeon when I heard Elliot mention that a movie would have

[43:00] been much better if it had been called Catch That Kid.

[43:03] This jogged something deep within the recesses of my diseased mind.

[43:09] A quick IMDB search revealed that this typical bit of Flophouse bullshit was in fact an actual

[43:16] movie.

[43:17] Yeah, there is a movie called Catch That Kid.

[43:19] Released in 2004.

[43:20] Copyright Elliot Galen.

[43:21] Yeah.

[43:22] Catch That Kid starred Kristen Stewart, Jennifer Beals, and Max Thoreau and is described as

[43:27] a family comedy crime caper about a girl and her two friends.

[43:30] Isn't he the great-great-grandson of Henry David Thoreau?

[43:32] I don't know.

[43:33] It's spelled differently.

[43:34] No, I don't think so.

[43:35] Who rob a bank to finance a cure for her dying father.

[43:38] How could this be, I wondered, aloud to the headless mannequins I had seated around my

[43:42] dining room table.

[43:43] There's no kid to be caught.

[43:46] Had the Flophouse inadvertently predicted the past?

[43:48] This kid is ripe for the catching.

[43:51] I never retrieved the answers I was seeking, however, because suddenly a team of FBI agents

[43:56] broke the door down and started shouting at me to put my hands where they could see them.

[44:01] So here I sit.

[44:02] That's Flophouse buddy investigation.

[44:03] I'm writing this in my cell in Erwin's Supermatch Prison high above the Pacific Ocean.

[44:10] Erwin's?

[44:11] Erwin's Supermatch Prison?

[44:12] Isn't she from The Hobbit or something, Lord of the Rings?

[44:16] No, you're totally wrong.

[44:17] Who's Erwin then?

[44:19] He just made this up.

[44:20] Hold on.

[44:21] You can't probably mispronounce it.

[44:22] Hold on!

[44:23] He says...

[44:24] Dan's so mad, yeah?

[44:25] That's Nowhere spelled backwards.

[44:27] Oh.

[44:28] In the same prison featured in the John Travolta and Nicolas Stage movie, Face Off.

[44:33] Oh, right, with the electromagnetic boots and the Nature Channel shows.

[44:38] One last question before...

[44:39] And Joe Bob Briggs is in it.

[44:41] Is Stuart really that devastatingly handsome in person?

[44:45] Love, Jeremy.

[44:46] Last name withheld.

[44:47] A.K.A.

[44:48] The Butcher of Battle Creek.

[44:49] Um...

[44:50] Let me answer that one.

[44:51] No.

[44:52] He is a total two on Dan's scale.

[44:53] I am a two, yeah.

[44:54] He's a Selena Gomez.

[44:55] Yep.

[44:56] No, Stuart is...

[44:57] On a scale of hottie to naughty, I'm closer to naughty.

[44:58] No, no.

[44:59] Stuart's a total hottie.

[45:00] Or a T.H.

[45:01] A Don Naughty.

[45:02] So...

[45:03] In order of attractiveness...

[45:04] Battle Creek, does that mean you're from Michigan?

[45:05] I am from near there.

[45:06] In order of attractiveness, it goes...

[45:07] Stuart, then Dan.

[45:08] is a distant second.

[45:09] And then I am an even distant-er third.

[45:10] But I make up for it with my charisma,

[45:11] and all my money bags.

[45:12] Yeah.

[45:13] Yeah.

[45:14] Wait, are we talking about his tallness?

[45:15] You've got a charisma score of 18.

[45:16] Yeah.

[45:17] What?

[45:18] Whoa, that's a plus four to his roles.

[45:19] Yeah.

[45:20] And my roles can be anything from...

[45:21] A 22-year-old kid just out of college...

[45:22] Sure.

[45:23] To an 85-year-old butler with a secret to tell.

[45:24] I can play them all.

[45:25] So, casting directors, remember...

[45:26] Elliot Kaelin, charisma expert.

[45:27] And I'm a...

[45:28] I'm a...

[45:29] I'm a...

[45:30] I'm a...

[45:31] I'm a...

[45:32] I'm a...

[45:33] I'm a...

[45:34] I'm a...

[45:35] So, casting directors, remember Elliot Kaelin, charisma 18, for your roles.

[45:39] I hope that answers your question, whatever it was.

[45:43] So, Stuart's handsome.

[45:44] Yeah.

[45:45] He's got those crinkly things on his eyes when he smiles.

[45:47] He's like a regular Timothy Olyphant.

[45:48] Yeah, I'm a...

[45:49] I'm a...

[45:50] I'm a...

[45:51] I'm a...

[45:52] I'm a...

[45:53] I'm a...

[45:54] I'm a...

[45:55] I'm a...

[45:56] I'm a...

[45:57] I'm a...

[45:58] I'm a...

[45:59] I'm a...

[46:00] I'm a...

[46:01] I'm a...

[46:02] I'm a...

[46:03] I'm a...

[46:04] I'm a...

[46:05] I'm a...

[46:06] I'm a...

[46:07] I'm a...

[46:08] I'm a...

[46:09] I'm a...

[46:10] I'm a...

[46:11] I'm a...

[46:12] I'm a...

[46:13] I'm a...

[46:14] I'm a...

[46:15] I'm a...

[46:16] I'm a...

[46:17] I'm a...

[46:18] I'm a...

[46:19] I'm a...

[46:20] I'm a...

[46:21] I'm a...

[46:22] I'm a...

[46:23] I'm a...

[46:24] I'm a...

[46:25] I'm a...

[46:26] I'm a...

[46:27] I'm a...

[46:28] I'm a...

[46:29] I'm a...

[46:30] I'm a...

[46:31] I'm a...

[46:32] I'm a...

[46:33] I'm a...

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[46:35] I'm a...

[46:36] I'm a...

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[50:00] I'm a...

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[50:02] I'm a...

[50:03] I'm a...

[50:04] I'm a...

[50:05] I'm a...

[50:06] I'm a...

[50:07] I'm a...

[50:08] I'm a...

[50:09] I'm a...

[50:10] I'm a...

[50:11] I'm a...

[50:12] I'm a...

[50:13] I'm a...

[50:14] I'm a...

[50:15] I'm a...

[50:16] I'm a...

[50:17] I'm a...

[50:18] I'm a...

[50:19] I'm a...

[50:20] I'm a...

[50:21] I'm a...

[50:22] I'm a...

[50:23] I'm a...

[50:24] I'm a...

[50:25] I'm a...

[50:00] He could make an amazing General Custer's Last Stand movie, Akira Kurosawa, and it never

[50:06] got made.

[50:07] I would love to see something like that.

[50:08] There are a number of movies that never got made that I wish I could use powers to get

[50:12] them made.

[50:13] Terry Gilliam's Don Jody.

[50:15] Your natural drive to push them forward.

[50:18] I take it the United Nations or whatever, the Marx Brothers Billy Wilder project was

[50:23] going to be good?

[50:24] Yeah, it probably wasn't going to be that good.

[50:25] I'd still like to see it.

[50:26] I'd like to see it, sure.

[50:30] Moving on to the next letter, I have one question that's been burrowing into my brain in the

[50:36] desperate hopes that you would return and answer, but alas, you have not.

[50:49] Did Stuart ever redeem his $1 IOU from Dan following the Devil Inside download fiasco?

[50:55] If so, what did he spend the money on?

[50:58] I like to believe it went to support a Kickstarter campaign to finally give the Invisible Maniac

[51:02] the rich Criterion Edition Blu-ray release it so richly deserves.

[51:06] I tried to, but it didn't meet its minimum funding goal.

[51:09] Yours in floppitude.

[51:10] And the minimum funding goal is like $57.

[51:12] Blake, last name withheld.

[51:13] Blake Lively.

[51:14] If I recall...

[51:15] Blake Lively, you're beautiful.

[51:16] If I recall, Elliot bought that marker off of Stuart.

[51:21] I think I did, yeah.

[51:22] No, I thought I bought it off of Elliot.

[51:24] Maybe Stuart bought it off of me.

[51:25] No, I think Stuart bought it off of me because he wanted power over you.

[51:28] So I could hold it over Dan.

[51:30] Literally, you held it over his head like mistletoe and then kissed him.

[51:34] I think that there was a...

[51:35] I guess the power a dollar buys me is Dan kisses.

[51:39] We all know what you are, Dan.

[51:42] We're just negotiating over the price now.

[51:44] I don't know what I did with that dollar.

[51:46] I could have done so many things.

[51:48] Spent it on luxuries, glamorous ladies, delicious meals.

[51:51] I like to believe you decided to be a good Samaritan, a philanthropist, and you dropped

[51:57] it in a homeless man's cup and said, collect on this.

[52:00] And that homeless man looked at the brown bag liquor bottle he was holding and poured

[52:05] it out on the street.

[52:06] Because now he knew he had a future.

[52:08] And now he's living on Dan's couch.

[52:09] He's seen everything.

[52:10] He saw Stuart give him money.

[52:12] I've seen everything.

[52:15] Yep.

[52:17] That's it.

[52:18] See you later, Dan.

[52:19] I think that I just paid Stuart a dollar.

[52:22] That sounds about right.

[52:23] Yeah, so...

[52:24] I'll buy that for a dollar.

[52:25] Continue to the next letter, Dan.

[52:26] Hey, guys.

[52:27] Hey.

[52:28] What's up?

[52:29] Is this the letter or are you just saying hey?

[52:30] Hey, guys.

[52:31] We've been talking for like almost an hour.

[52:32] I just started listening to the podcast.

[52:33] You're welcome.

[52:34] Thanks for listening.

[52:35] And it has rapidly become one of my favorite things in the entire world.

[52:36] Oh, that's sweet.

[52:37] Thank you very much.

[52:38] However...

[52:39] Oh, boy.

[52:40] Here it comes.

[52:41] The Roger Ebert Memorial episode desperately needed a woman.

[52:42] And it's a woman.

[52:48] The Roger Ebert Memorial episode desperately needed a woman to defend the sexy-sexiness

[52:52] of Gary Oldman and the Scarlet Letter and pretty much every movie starring Gary Oldman

[52:56] in the nineties.

[52:57] Even like Romeo Is Bleeding?

[52:59] I was but a naive...

[53:00] He doesn't have long hair in that one.

[53:01] Yeah.

[53:02] I was but a naive teenager when I first saw The Professional, the movie that made me realize

[53:06] what movies could be.

[53:07] Gary Oldman deeply affected my soul, and when I discovered the nude scene of the letter

[53:11] movie, my world was changed.

[53:13] Then I saw him in The Fifth Element.

[53:14] Utterly.

[53:15] He was stunning.

[53:16] He had a lipstick on his head and everything.

[53:18] Never again would I look fondly on the 15-year-old boys in my high school classes because I knew

[53:24] what a real man was.

[53:26] To this day, I'd watch anything he was in, including Tiptoes.

[53:29] Fucking Tiptoes.

[53:30] Love and thanks.

[53:31] I mean, I want to see Tiptoes.

[53:33] Jen, last name with health.

[53:34] Well, Jen, we were actually talking during the movie about the types of actors or actresses

[53:39] that we had crushes on, mainly actresses, when we were 14 or 15.

[53:43] Yeah.

[53:44] I can't remember having...

[53:45] Not that there'd be a problem.

[53:47] Gary Oldman is what you're saying.

[53:48] Not Gary Oldman.

[53:49] I'm Gary Youngman.

[53:50] Wow.

[53:51] The baby version of Gary Oldman from Jim Henson's Gary Oldman Babies.

[53:55] Anyway, yeah, we actually were talking about the actresses we had crushes on when we were

[53:59] like adolescents.

[54:01] And Dan and I...

[54:02] You guys had some similarities.

[54:03] A lot of crossover.

[54:04] Yeah.

[54:05] Well, I was a big...

[54:06] Not to be overly sexist or anything, but...

[54:07] I had a big Christina Ricci crush.

[54:08] Sure.

[54:09] Danielle had a Winona Ryder crush.

[54:10] Yeah.

[54:11] I also had a thing for Winona Ryder.

[54:12] Yeah, your big-eyed, dark-eyed...

[54:13] Dark-haired.

[54:14] Dark-haired girls.

[54:15] Yeah.

[54:16] Achievable girl-next-door types.

[54:17] I don't think that's true.

[54:18] But the ones who had something kind of gothy about them.

[54:20] Super hot.

[54:21] Sure.

[54:22] Mixed-up daddy issues, et cetera.

[54:23] Because when I was that age and into my college years, I thought that gothy, punky girls were

[54:27] the kind of girls that I was into, but it turns out I don't get along with them that

[54:30] well.

[54:31] I get along with nice people.

[54:32] Well, I mean, it's more...

[54:33] Not to make a blanket statement.

[54:34] Not to make a blanket statement, since I'm still friends with plenty of punky girls,

[54:40] but...

[54:41] But I feel like Gary Oldman deserves...

[54:43] Dan, you had a big crush on what, like Gerard Depardieu?

[54:46] Why are you saying Dan and looking at me?

[54:47] I'm sorry.

[54:48] I meant to say Stuart.

[54:49] Yeah, I totally...

[54:50] I had a big crush on Gerard Depardieu.

[54:52] I'm like, could you make a man out of mashed potatoes that I could lick all the delicious

[54:56] potatoes yourself?

[54:57] I wish he was my father, the hero.

[55:00] Sure.

[55:01] Wait, but then...

[55:02] Wait a minute.

[55:03] If I had a crush on him, why would I want him to be my dad?

[55:05] Look, I don't know what's going on in your fucked-up mind.

[55:09] So Stuart, who did you have a crush on?

[55:11] That was the thing, is that I don't...

[55:13] Maybe I have difficulty putting myself back in the shoes of a 14-year-old Stuart.

[55:18] Maybe it's because those shoes would be really small right now, but I always remember having

[55:23] crushes on older women, mainly chesty, topless women from movies.

[55:28] Like Bea Arthur.

[55:29] Yeah, mainly Bea Arthurs.

[55:30] Bea Arthurs.

[55:31] The flown army.

[55:32] Like your chesty LaRouge, your...

[55:33] Like...

[55:34] Your busty Morgans.

[55:35] Yeah, yeah.

[55:36] Your boobie McShanes.

[55:37] Mainly the woman who takes her dress down at the beginning of Repossessed, starring

[55:43] Leslie Nielsen.

[55:44] Okay.

[55:45] The exorcist parody.

[55:46] Well, I mean, I don't remember...

[55:47] That's basically...

[55:48] Is that a crush?

[55:49] That's the standard of the...

[55:50] I don't remember the name of...

[55:51] Is that an actual crush?

[55:52] I have watched that movie so many times, Dan.

[55:53] Did you have an emotional connection to this movie?

[55:54] Yes, I did.

[55:55] I don't remember the name of the lead actress in...

[55:56] I watched it from afar, and up close, when I got close to the TV screen.

[55:59] I don't remember the name of the lead actress in Just One of the Guys, but she was also

[56:02] someone I had a crush on.

[56:03] Yeah, totally.

[56:04] Yeah.

[56:05] That was the first boobs I ever saw, Dan.

[56:06] You're looking at me weird.

[56:07] No, I'm not.

[56:08] I understand.

[56:09] Everyone...

[56:10] I think every gentleman of a certain age...

[56:11] She was my Cheetara.

[56:12] Your Cheetara.

[56:13] Cheetara, the first woman I ever saw nude.

[56:17] I would just like to say, I appreciate this letter from a lady listener, because I get

[56:26] a real kick out of any letter that objectifies any man in any way, because it makes me feel

[56:32] less gross as a man myself.

[56:34] You realize there aren't just pervozoids, there's pervozenas.

[56:36] I thought it was pervozets.

[56:38] Oh, pervozets could work, too.

[56:40] Pervozenas sound more Eastern European than I'm comfortable with.

[56:43] Thank you.

[56:44] Well, pervozenas are pervozets that I've seen a little bit too much.

[56:47] Thank you.

[56:48] Thank you, pervozets.

[56:49] Please, pervon.

[56:50] And brought to you by Percocet, the choice of pervozets.

[57:00] I'm not one of them.

[57:01] The official fucking drug.

[57:03] The official drug of pervozets.

[57:04] Yeah.

[57:05] All right.

[57:06] Well, this last letter of the letter segment.

[57:09] You okay, Ian?

[57:10] Yeah, I'm all right.

[57:11] It's titled, I have based my life on your teachings.

[57:14] Uh-oh.

[57:15] Oh, boy.

[57:16] And it goes on.

[57:17] This would have seen head of the family a lot.

[57:18] And I find myself.

[57:19] Kill people with submarine sandwiches.

[57:21] And I find myself, as they say in Britain, a young man without prospects.

[57:24] Uh-oh.

[57:25] But my question is, if the three of you could appear in any one of these three sequels,

[57:30] which would you choose?

[57:31] Appear like we were actors?

[57:32] Or we're transported to the world?

[57:36] You can choose however you.

[57:37] Okay.

[57:38] Number one, head of the family two, even more head.

[57:40] Number two, invisible maniac two, T.O.O.

[57:45] Number three, Castle Freak Two, the freakening.

[57:48] That's from Sweet Pea Garfunkel.

[57:51] I imagine Stewart being in Castle Freak Two and forcing the Castle Freak at gunpoint to rip his ding dong off.

[57:57] It's going to happen in this movie.

[57:59] Well, the thing also about Castle Freak is similar to a lot of actors.

[58:02] I would probably pick that movie because it's being shot in a castle in lovely Eastern Europe.

[58:06] Yeah.

[58:07] Which, I mean, come on.

[58:08] Like, I get a free trip to Europe?

[58:10] Why not?

[58:11] You get to work with Stuart Gordon.

[58:12] Yeah.

[58:13] That would be amazing.

[58:14] But I would imagine if it's a sequel, I'd probably be working with Brian Yesna, which would still be amazing.

[58:18] It would still be cool.

[58:19] Sure.

[58:20] Yeah.

[58:21] Dan, what about you?

[58:22] I think I would choose head of the family two in the hopes that Jacqueline Lavelle would.

[58:27] Reprise her role.

[58:29] I think I'd do Invisible Maniac Two.

[58:31] And I'd like to find out what happened to Myron, how he got all through the house burning down and whatnot.

[58:36] Because I love movies that have T-O-O in the title instead of the number two.

[58:41] And also because finally I could achieve my dream of killing someone with a submarine sandwich.

[58:45] Interesting.

[58:46] Would you be like the student of the Invisible Maniac?

[58:49] Like he whispers in your ear and tells you what to do?

[58:51] I think it's going to be like Zapped Two where I find his formula like hidden in a wall somewhere.

[58:56] Okay.

[58:57] And then I use it to do basically the same stuff that they did in the first movie.

[59:00] The exact same thing.

[59:01] Yeah.

[59:02] Yeah, to wreak some extra zapped on the universe.

[59:06] Yeah.

[59:07] No, they never made Zapped Three Oblivion.

[59:09] But, you know, I guess that was in the makings.

[59:12] And I think Gil Jordan is going to make it.

[59:14] That's where they would choose Oblivion because Oblivion lends itself naturally to a fourth.

[59:17] To a fourth.

[59:18] No, no.

[59:19] Like Phantasm Four.

[59:20] They were trying to break the rules of Oblivion.

[59:23] It's like the movie Oblivion with Tom Cruise which is the fourth movie.

[59:26] With Tom Cruise.

[59:27] Yeah.

[59:28] It's called Zapped Three The Search for Spock.

[59:30] So this is the last segment of the show.

[59:33] Oh, so sad.

[59:34] It's like the end of Saturday Night Live where they're all dancing with the music.

[59:37] And they're like goodnight everybody.

[59:38] And they're hugging and you're like they probably have a lot of fun times together.

[59:41] They're hugging with the credits and it's like they're saying to you we're having a fun party that you're not invited to.

[59:46] You're sitting on your couch and wondering where your night went.

[59:49] You could watch.

[59:50] I could be hugging Bono right now.

[59:52] You're 14 years old and it's Saturday night and you don't have any friends.

[59:55] We have lots of friends.

[59:57] Look at this.

[59:58] I'm hugging the star of some TV show you don't watch.

[1:00:00] You could have been hanging out with girls and doing all kinds of drugs.

[1:00:04] Yeah, but nope. Instead, you're not at SNL.

[1:00:07] But this segment is less cool than that.

[1:00:10] We recommend stuff.

[1:00:12] This is a segment where we recommend movies.

[1:00:14] What do you think you can do with your Saturday nights, dudes?

[1:00:16] This is a segment where we recommend a movie that you might like to watch on, like, Getaway.

[1:00:23] I think Pinwheel is on at that point.

[1:00:25] Yeah, yeah. Pinwheel after dark.

[1:00:27] Oh, no.

[1:00:29] Is there a movie you would like to recommend, Stuart?

[1:00:31] Yeah, I'm going to recommend a little-known movie to give it a little bit of support.

[1:00:36] It's called The Hobbit, The Desolation of Smaug.

[1:00:39] Smaug.

[1:00:40] Smaug.

[1:00:41] Smaug.

[1:00:42] Smaug.

[1:00:43] It's me, Smaug.

[1:00:45] The cat dragon.

[1:00:47] Like the bad guy in the Smacks comic?

[1:00:49] Yeah.

[1:00:50] Also my go-to reference for the cat dragon.

[1:00:53] What if he fought the dog luck dragon from The NeverEnding Story?

[1:00:56] Well, I think the dragon from Smacks would win because it's like a giant nuclear bomb.

[1:01:00] Because he has, like, magic number powers.

[1:01:02] Yeah.

[1:01:03] Fractal and whatnot.

[1:01:04] So I'm going to recommend The Latest Hobbit movie.

[1:01:07] I am – well, it's tough because I love it.

[1:01:10] It falls into the only God forgives category for me because it's a movie that I love.

[1:01:15] There's a lot of scenes of Ryan Gosling looking at stuff.

[1:01:17] Exactly.

[1:01:18] And I have a very deep relationship with these movies.

[1:01:22] And I don't know if anyone else actually would enjoy it as much as me.

[1:01:27] But just – there's moments in the movie that give me actual, like, joy, laughter,

[1:01:33] which there's very few movies that come out nowadays that actually do that for me.

[1:01:38] Yeah, that break through your hardened exterior.

[1:01:39] Well, I'll tell you something.

[1:01:40] I watched it with Stuart.

[1:01:42] I did not like Only God Forgives.

[1:01:44] I know both of you liked it.

[1:01:45] I apologize.

[1:01:46] You didn't watch it with us in a theater full of film students.

[1:01:49] Yeah.

[1:01:50] I also did not like the first Hobbit movie despite loving all of the Lord of the Rings movies.

[1:01:55] Which I still love.

[1:01:56] But I really had a good time in Desolation of Smaug with Stu.

[1:02:00] Yeah, I mean, I've –

[1:02:02] So you recommend seeing the movie with Stuart?

[1:02:04] Yeah, I recommend hanging out with him.

[1:02:06] I'll grab their arm.

[1:02:07] I'll tell you stories.

[1:02:08] You totally grab my arm a lot of the time.

[1:02:10] We'll get a fire going.

[1:02:12] I'm going to recommend a movie that –

[1:02:17] Instead of Getaway, why don't you watch The Getaway, the Sam Peckinpah movie.

[1:02:24] The first one.

[1:02:25] Starring, yeah, Steve McQueen.

[1:02:28] Yeah.

[1:02:29] And I'll tell you something.

[1:02:30] Starring Yasmin Bleeth and Dustin Diamond.

[1:02:32] I'll be totally honest with you.

[1:02:34] I don't remember a shitload about this movie.

[1:02:37] But I remember that I liked it, and I remember that it was a movie called The Getaway.

[1:02:43] That was good.

[1:02:44] What's Steve McQueen's character's name?

[1:02:46] Steve McQueen.

[1:02:48] So what do they do in the movie?

[1:02:50] They get away from something.

[1:02:54] From something.

[1:02:55] So it could be anything.

[1:02:56] It could be a giant spider.

[1:02:57] It could be an epidemic.

[1:02:59] It could be a bad marriage.

[1:03:00] I've seen a shit ton of movies in my time.

[1:03:03] I just remember that this was a good one.

[1:03:05] That's what I've got to say.

[1:03:06] I feel bad that I remember scenes from the shitty The Getaway remake with Kim Basinger and Alex Baldwin.

[1:03:14] The nude scenes, yeah.

[1:03:15] I remember those way better.

[1:03:16] And the James Wood scenes.

[1:03:18] The nude scenes.

[1:03:19] Yeah, the nude James Wood scenes.

[1:03:21] It's like some kind of iguana is naked.

[1:03:24] It's weird.

[1:03:27] I haven't seen any movies recently that I really liked a lot.

[1:03:30] And so to make up for that and to make up for Dan's basically just giving you the name of a movie and no other information,

[1:03:37] I think I'm going to recommend three movies.

[1:03:40] Hold on to your hats.

[1:03:42] Three?

[1:03:43] First, this was a bad car chase movie.

[1:03:45] You know what was a good car chase movie?

[1:03:46] Ronin, directed by John Frankenheimer.

[1:03:48] It's a strange little movie in that the plot is deliberately opaque.

[1:03:53] It's a bunch of people who are supposed to steal a thing.

[1:03:55] You don't really find out what the thing is.

[1:03:57] You don't find out a lot about the people, but there's a certain stylish coolness to it.

[1:04:03] It's one of the last movies where Robert De Niro seemed to give a shit about what he was doing,

[1:04:07] and the car chases in it are fantastic.

[1:04:11] I saw that movie in college with my college roommate, and when the first shot of niece comes up on the screen,

[1:04:17] but before they actually have – they give you where it takes place, they say niece at the bottom of the screen.

[1:04:23] I just remember him in a very stoned drawl saying, nice, and then it came up on the screen.

[1:04:30] It was pretty amazing.

[1:04:31] Well, anyway, there's good car chases in that.

[1:04:33] I'm going to recommend another Sam Peckinpah movie that I may have recommended before but I'm not sure if I did called The Ballad of Cable Hoag,

[1:04:40] which is kind of a light comedy drama with Jason Robards as a drifter in the Old West who discovers a watering hole out in the desert

[1:04:49] and turns it into a little business, and it's surprisingly sweet for a Sam Peckinpah movie.

[1:04:54] There's a lot of wistfulness to it, and there's a fantastic scene where he sees the female lead.

[1:05:00] I can't remember her name off the top of my head. I apologize.

[1:05:01] The female leads Cleavage.

[1:05:03] She's a prostitute in town that he falls in love with, and then he's kind of like almost dazed by it,

[1:05:09] and they're saying goodbye, and flashes of the image of her, Cleavage, are kind of not quick enough to be subliminal

[1:05:15] but not long enough to be full shots flashing on the screen as he sees her walk away,

[1:05:19] and it's such a brilliant capturing of what it's like when you catch a glimpse of a woman's cleavage briefly,

[1:05:26] where it's just popping up in your mind a lot.

[1:05:28] There's something very honest about that moment but also funny that I really like and didn't expect from a Sam Peckinpah movie.

[1:05:35] And you said there was a great car chase in that movie?

[1:05:38] There is not. A character does get run over by a car, but it's not a car chase.

[1:05:42] So Ronin is the car chase movie. The Ballad of Cable Hoag is the Sam Peckinpah movie.

[1:05:49] And then I'll recommend just a movie that's about as far away from getaway as I can possibly get,

[1:05:54] which is the 1940 film version of Our Town with William Holden, which is Our Town, if you're not familiar.

[1:06:03] It's a fantastic play about kind of life, death, and the eternal qualities of human existence

[1:06:09] as shown in a very tiny turn-of-the-century American town.

[1:06:13] And it's very beautifully done, and they actually changed the ending from the play a little bit

[1:06:18] but in a way that works very well for the movie.

[1:06:21] And it's just a really good movie, and I think it's in the public domain,

[1:06:24] so you can buy probably a $3 videocassette of it.

[1:06:27] So Our Town.

[1:06:29] You can play it in your $40 videocassette player.

[1:06:32] You can go back in time and get a VCR.

[1:06:35] Go to the General Store.

[1:06:37] So Ronin, The Ballad of Cable Hoag, and Our Town.

[1:06:39] If you can't find a movie that you like in one of those three, then I don't know if we can be friends.

[1:06:43] Or Dan or my recommendations.

[1:06:45] Yeah, come on.

[1:06:47] I'm just saying I ran the gamut, buddy.

[1:06:48] In theaters now.

[1:06:50] Yours is the only recommendation that's in theaters now.

[1:06:53] Then get over there and watch that shit, dude. It's great.

[1:06:55] It's got a fucking dragon in it, man.

[1:06:57] The dragon fucks?

[1:07:00] In a way.

[1:07:01] It's hard for me to put into words.

[1:07:03] So it's been a great year, guys.

[1:07:05] It has.

[1:07:06] This is our last episode of 2013, and let's just say – and what will you say, Stuart?

[1:07:10] I'm just going to thank everybody for listening.

[1:07:12] Yeah, thank you.

[1:07:13] 2013, I feel like, is a year we exploded in terms of listenership.

[1:07:17] That's terrible.

[1:07:19] I was looking at our numbers of downloads, and from the beginning of the year to now,

[1:07:24] it's been a real big shoot-up into the stratosphere.

[1:07:28] I want to thank all our listeners, and I want to thank the AV Club, Parade Magazine,

[1:07:33] Entertainment Weekly for all supporting us.

[1:07:35] And most importantly, you want to thank us.

[1:07:39] The other guys in the flop house.

[1:07:41] No, no, I don't want to thank you guys.

[1:07:42] Wait a minute.

[1:07:43] No, thanks, Stuart and Dan, for putting this podcast together so I could jump on it and propel it to stardom.

[1:07:49] Yeah.

[1:07:50] But thanks to the listeners for pushing us and really –

[1:07:53] You're like fucking Urkel.

[1:07:55] Come on, you're the breakout character.

[1:07:57] Yep, yep, and I was – it's like –

[1:07:59] You're like, yeah, you're fucking Urkel, the character from Family Splatters, the porno version of that show.

[1:08:07] All right.

[1:08:10] Carl Winslow.

[1:08:11] You're grossing me out.

[1:08:13] Hot Carl Winslow.

[1:08:14] Yeah, you guys are grossing me out, so I think we need to shut it down.

[1:08:17] So, Dan, do you want to thank the listeners for anything?

[1:08:19] Sure.

[1:08:21] Thanks for listening.

[1:08:22] Thanks for listening and supporting us.

[1:08:24] We've got a lot of great boosters out there, and it's meant a lot to us.

[1:08:27] Okay, so –

[1:08:28] 2013 has been a big year.

[1:08:29] 2014 is going to be even bigger.

[1:08:32] Double-size episodes, super-size episodes, flop house in the aisles, flop house live tour.

[1:08:38] Those things will not happen, but we'll have some stuff.

[1:08:42] Yeah, and I try – I very much appreciate the way that we've blown up all based on fans.

[1:08:52] I don't think that we've actually, like –

[1:08:54] What about all the money we spent to blow up?

[1:08:56] Yeah, that's the thing.

[1:08:57] We have not –

[1:08:58] No, we just bought a lot of fireworks.

[1:08:59] We have not –

[1:09:00] All the TNT.

[1:09:01] We have no publishers.

[1:09:02] We have not pushed ourselves out in the media, but I think the fans have really pushed us out there.

[1:09:08] And thank you all for listening, and I appreciate it, and I hope that 2014 is even better.

[1:09:15] So we should probably sign off.

[1:09:17] Let's not get crazy.

[1:09:18] For the flop house, I've been Stuart Wellington.

[1:09:21] I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:09:22] And not forgetting my name, I'm Elliot Kalin.

[1:09:25] Good night, everybody.

[1:09:26] Good night.

[1:09:31] There's a new trend among young people, mic knocking.

[1:09:34] They find someone named Mike, and they knock him over.

[1:09:37] Sure.

[1:09:38] Just when you thought your microphones were safe, tune in at 10 to find out what might be happening with T's.

[1:09:43] Where are your microphones?

[1:09:44] Film at 11.

[1:09:46] All right.

[1:09:48] It's 10 o'clock.

[1:09:49] Do you know where your microphone is?

[1:09:50] Has it been knocked?

[1:09:52] Let me explain what that would be, though.

[1:09:54] Knock, knock.

[1:09:55] Who's there?

[1:09:56] A microphone.

[1:09:57] It's not standing up anymore.

[1:09:58] Hi.

[1:09:59] I'm Brent Dilvey.

[1:10:00] of channel 19 investigative news and Dilby's got him.

[1:10:06] Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun!

[1:10:08] Whee!

[1:10:09] Dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun-dun!

[1:10:09] Dilby's got him, mic knocking.

[1:10:11] It's afflicting microphones across the station.

[1:10:13] So my microphone was pointed at my mouth for a minute,

[1:10:16] then Dan just knocked it aside.

[1:10:18] We talked to Jethro...

[1:10:19] Oh wait, he just did it again!

[1:10:20] We talked to Jethro Scoob of the local radio station.

[1:10:25] Now Mr. Scoob, do you know who knocked your mic?

[1:10:28] It was Dan, he was right there, he's looking at me right now.

[1:10:31] Alright, let's end.

[1:10:34] Improv exercise.

[1:10:36] Over.

The Flop House: Episode #142 - Getaway

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