The Flop House: Episode #144 - Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss the very Cinemax titled, Temptation, Confessions of a Marriage Counselor.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:36] Hey everyone, this is Stuart Wellington.

Hallie Haglund

[0:39] Hi guys, I'm Halle Haglund.

Stuart Wellington

[0:41] Back again.

[0:42] Hey Halle Haglund.

Hallie Haglund

[0:44] Elliot's going to be back next time, so don't worry.

[0:47] Hold your horses.

Stuart Wellington

[0:48] Yeah.

[0:49] Hold them in a horse pit.

Hallie Haglund

[0:51] Hold them with some, those ropes that make you go, no.

[0:58] Yeah.

[0:58] Like a lasso?

[0:59] A bridle.

[1:00] A bridle.

[1:01] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:01] So if you're one of those human monsters who doesn't care for Halle, don't worry.

[1:06] Your boyfriend Elliot will be back soon.

[1:09] But for all rice making people.

Hallie Haglund

[1:10] But guess what?

[1:11] He got a chick knocked up.

Dan McCoy

[1:14] Yeah, deal with that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15] He did the deed.

[1:16] Now he's got to be the dad.

[1:18] So, and all you guys who like to listen to stuff, you're probably wondering why does this episode

[1:25] sound so weird?

Dan McCoy

[1:27] Yeah.

[1:28] Yeah.

[1:28] Well, it's the first in the new Flophouse Studios, a.k.a. my new apartment.

[1:32] Ooh, Flophouse Studios.

[1:34] Mark 2.

Hallie Haglund

[1:36] Wap, wap, wap, wap, wap.

[1:37] Y'all ready for this?

Dan McCoy

[1:38] Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

Stuart Wellington

[1:43] Oomt, oomt.

Dan McCoy

[1:45] No, no, no, no, no, no.

[1:47] We have to pay royalties after a certain amount.

Stuart Wellington

[1:51] Yeah.

[1:52] That's all.

[1:53] Okay.

[1:54] So, here at the Flophouse Podcast, we just got done watching a presumably bad movie.

[2:00] Yeah.

[2:00] And we're going to talk about it for a little while.

[2:02] An allegedly bad movie.

Dan McCoy

[2:04] Allegedly that we paid American currency for.

[2:07] Yeah.

[2:08] And that currency goes into the pocket of the person who made the bad movie.

[2:13] So, if you feel bad for them, don't.

[2:15] Because they are way richer than us.

Stuart Wellington

[2:17] Yeah.

[2:17] They're spread.

[2:19] Well, maybe.

[2:20] Yeah, probably.

Dan McCoy

[2:20] This guy in particular is like a fucking millionaire.

Stuart Wellington

[2:23] So, what did we watch tonight, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[2:24] We watched Temptation, colon, Confessions of a Marriage Counselor.

Hallie Haglund

[2:31] You said colon.

Stuart Wellington

[2:35] You messed it up, Dan.

[2:37] It's Temptation.

[2:38] Tyler Perry's.

Dan McCoy

[2:39] No, no, no.

[2:39] There's two alternatives.

[2:40] You either know it as temptation, colon, Confessions of a Marriage Counselor, or Tyler Perry's Temptation.

[2:48] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[2:50] So, is it.

[2:50] Wait.

[2:51] So, he was tempted by this confession?

[2:53] I don't get it.

[2:53] Yeah.

[2:54] A marriage counselor.

Hallie Haglund

[2:54] He was tempted to make a really bad movie, and he gave into it and made this movie.

Dan McCoy

[3:00] Burn.

[3:01] Tyler Perry even burned.

[3:02] Spoiler alert.

[3:03] So.

Hallie Haglund

[3:04] Do you guys think he's listening to this?

[3:06] He's probably.

[3:07] I would feel so bad.

[3:07] God.

Dan McCoy

[3:10] You want to be the sassy white lady in the next comedy.

[3:15] Whoa.

Stuart Wellington

[3:15] It's going to be tough, because I remember last time we did a Tyler Perry movie, Elliot described

[3:20] him as having all the grace of a mattress with legs.

[3:23] Yep.

[3:24] And he could have easily been describing this script, Burn.

[3:27] So, yeah.

[3:29] What drew us to this?

[3:31] When I showed up, you guys were all raring to go.

Hallie Haglund

[3:33] Kim Kardashian was in it.

[3:35] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[3:35] Can't get enough.

[3:36] Kim Kardashian's in it.

[3:38] Mm-hmm.

[3:38] Hallie was very excited about how bootylicious everyone in this movie is.

Hallie Haglund

[3:42] You guys.

[3:43] Everybody's got a booty.

[3:44] See?

[3:45] No.

[3:45] This is.

[3:46] That's your children's book.

Dan McCoy

[3:49] Everybody's got a booty.

Hallie Haglund

[3:50] This is my first fear.

[3:51] By H. Hagelin.

[3:53] The fear that I articulated earlier to you guys is playing in immediately right now.

[3:58] What's that?

[3:59] About.

Dan McCoy

[4:00] Oh, okay.

[4:02] Sorry.

[4:02] Yeah.

[4:02] There's a certain worry.

Stuart Wellington

[4:03] You want to get something off our chests.

Dan McCoy

[4:06] Yeah.

[4:06] You're watching a Tyler Perry movie.

[4:11] Medea, or not Medea in this case.

[4:14] Just a worry that we'll accidentally say something racist.

[4:18] Yeah.

[4:18] So, get it off for legal reasons, right?

[4:21] Like, Brad Paisley will be an accidental racist.

[4:25] Or a real racist, in the case of Brad Paisley's song.

Stuart Wellington

[4:28] So, when I mention that Moeish is in this, I'm actually talking about Moeish.

[4:32] Like, Brandy's actually in this, right?

[4:34] Yeah, she's actually in this.

[4:34] I'm not just.

[4:35] You're not just calling some random lady Moeish.

Hallie Haglund

[4:37] It's like saying Hannah Montana is in this.

[4:40] She's not.

[4:42] She doesn't have the booty to make the cut.

Dan McCoy

[4:45] Yeah.

[4:47] If Wrecking Ball has proven anything, it's that she does not have the booty to start.

[4:51] Darn Temptation colon Confessions of a Marriage Counselor.

Stuart Wellington

[4:56] Yeah, I keep thinking you're going to say Confessions of a Bridal Counselor, which makes

[4:59] no sense at all.

[5:00] Confessions.

[5:01] But what makes a lot of sense is this movie.

[5:03] So, how does it, doesn't it start in, well, like a, it looks like a police station.

[5:09] No.

Hallie Haglund

[5:09] But it's like, it's like a triage marriage counseling center.

Stuart Wellington

[5:15] Yeah, there's just fax machines going off.

Dan McCoy

[5:18] Phones ringing.

[5:19] There's a lady seeking marriage counseling and she's doing it alone.

Hallie Haglund

[5:23] No, she's with her husband when he walks out.

[5:25] Oh.

Stuart Wellington

[5:25] He started off, you were playing Dan McCoy Dinner Detective again, I think.

Dan McCoy

[5:30] More like Dan McCoy Dinner or Ranger this time because dinner didn't come on time.

Stuart Wellington

[5:35] You're like Jason Statham in The Transporter.

[5:37] No women, no kids.

[5:39] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[5:39] Just falafel.

[5:42] But yeah, no, she's getting advice from a marriage counselor and the marriage counselor's

[5:46] like, let me tell you a long, boring story to eliminate.

Hallie Haglund

[5:49] About my sister.

[5:51] I don't think so.

[5:54] Spoiler alert.

Stuart Wellington

[5:56] But yeah, so the framing device of the marriage counselor, instead of like asking questions and

[6:01] trying to find out, you know, more about the couple that she's helping, instead she tells

[6:05] us a story and then there's not even really a dissolve or anything.

[6:09] We go right into, what, like 50 years later in the South?

Dan McCoy

[6:13] I don't know, man.

[6:14] All I know is, so there's a young lady played by...

[6:19] The girl from Friday Night Lights.

[6:20] The girl from Friday Night Lights.

Hallie Haglund

[6:21] Who was also on Full House.

[6:24] If you guys ever watched, she was Michelle's friend.

[6:26] She wore one of those little hats, those blossom hats that flip up.

[6:29] Yeah, those little hats.

[6:30] Her pout is memorable.

[6:32] It was burned in my mind and I recognized it as soon as I saw it and I never watched Friday

[6:35] Night Lights.

Dan McCoy

[6:36] Okay, well, more recently, she was the...

[6:39] The daughter of the barbecue guy.

[6:41] Barbecue salesman.

[6:42] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[6:43] But she gets married to her...

[6:46] Man, Dane's doing the summary.

[6:48] Hold on to your hats.

[6:49] No.

[6:49] Hold on to your blossom hats.

[6:50] You're going to have to take over pretty soon.

[6:51] Because I'm terrible at it.

Dan McCoy

[6:53] But she gets married to her childhood sweetheart.

[6:55] Named Bryce, who has an awesome flat top.

[6:57] And her minister mom is not approving of it.

[7:01] Also, this movie should have been called Minister Mom.

[7:03] Yeah.

[7:04] The Reverend Minister Mom.

[7:06] Reverend Sarah.

[7:07] But she's like, all right, fine.

[7:09] And so they go off to the big city of Washington, D.C.

[7:13] Where the guy has a lifelong dream of owning his own pharmacy.

[7:18] And the woman is...

[7:21] Dream big, dude.

[7:22] Yeah.

[7:22] She's a counselor.

[7:23] She's got like a PhD in psychology.

[7:26] She's got a master's.

[7:27] She's got a master's.

[7:28] I don't know.

[7:28] She has a master's.

[7:29] She got a master's.

[7:30] She explains that in some exposition later on.

Hallie Haglund

[7:32] She reiterates that several times.

Dan McCoy

[7:34] But she seems to believe that she is slumming by instead working for a millionaire matchmaker.

[7:41] Played by...

[7:42] Vanessa Williams.

[7:43] Kiss of the Spider Woman.

[7:45] Really?

[7:46] Was it Jane Kiss of the Spider Woman?

Hallie Haglund

[7:48] She sang Colors of the Wind for the radio version.

Dan McCoy

[7:52] She was in the Ugly Betty basically playing the same part.

[7:55] But with a...

[7:56] In this case, she has a French accent.

[7:58] A terrible French accent.

[8:00] It's amazing.

[8:02] As Stuart says, I have a better French accent.

Stuart Wellington

[8:05] Je n'ai pas bon Vanessa Williams.

Hallie Haglund

[8:07] Well, the funniest thing is that she still uses all the vernacular of a native English speaker.

[8:13] So she's like, you are going to...

[8:18] What's the thing that people who say talking English...

Dan McCoy

[8:21] How do you say...

Hallie Haglund

[8:26] The bitch is back?

Dan McCoy

[8:30] Exactly as you just said it, lady.

Hallie Haglund

[8:33] It's totes crazy.

[8:35] And...

[8:36] Bro.

Dan McCoy

[8:37] But then, I mean...

[8:38] We have to give the movie this one thing.

[8:40] Which is that Vanessa Williams' terrible accent finally pays off.

[8:45] There is one good joke in the movie.

[8:47] Where at the end of the movie, it turns out that she's from Georgia.

[8:52] And...

Hallie Haglund

[8:53] Oh, and the keen therapist...

[8:57] So she's having like an identity crisis?

[8:59] Because she spent two weeks in France.

[9:01] And she's like, and y'all know...

[9:04] No.

Dan McCoy

[9:06] No, that was a delightful...

[9:06] Take two, Hallie.

[9:07] Yeah.

[9:07] Come on.

Hallie Haglund

[9:08] And we all know you're from Georgia.

[9:10] Yeah.

[9:11] And then she was like, bitch, get out of my office.

[9:13] She actually said that.

[9:14] I'm not making that up.

Stuart Wellington

[9:15] High fives were given.

[9:17] End scene.

[9:19] So yeah.

Dan McCoy

[9:19] So we remember it well because it was the only time we were entertained.

Stuart Wellington

[9:23] So she works at this...

[9:24] She works for like a millionaire matchmaker trademark.

[9:27] And who else works there is Kim Gardassian.

Dan McCoy

[9:31] Mm-hmm.

[9:33] Did you say Gardassian?

Stuart Wellington

[9:34] I said Gardassian.

Dan McCoy

[9:36] Is that her wrong?

Hallie Haglund

[9:38] I think...

[9:39] In two places.

Dan McCoy

[9:42] Who works there...

[9:43] Don't worry about it.

[9:44] Who plays...

[9:45] Is Lando Kallassian.

Stuart Wellington

[9:47] Who plays her friend?

Hallie Haglund

[9:51] Like she's a friend or something, right?

[9:52] She's just trying to give her a makeover, but she's really mean.

Stuart Wellington

[9:55] She does a lot.

[9:56] She delivers a lot of jokes, but without a lot...

[10:00] Like her voice sounds like she's smiling, but her eyes, she's not smiling there.

Hallie Haglund

[10:05] She's a stealth joke disguiser because she delivers a lot.

Stuart Wellington

[10:10] So you don't know she's disguising the joke?

Hallie Haglund

[10:12] You don't know she's telling a joke.

Dan McCoy

[10:14] She sneaks into places and disguises jokes.

[10:19] And then later on you're like, what the...

[10:21] Is this a joke?

[10:22] Oh my God.

[10:24] And you laugh and laugh and laugh.

[10:25] If only she'd show up here in those guys.

[10:28] Burn.

[10:28] Burn on all of us.

Stuart Wellington

[10:31] So Kim Gardassian's there.

Dan McCoy

[10:34] And she's giving our hero a hell of a time.

Stuart Wellington

[10:37] Yeah.

[10:37] So I guess she doesn't seem to really fit in there.

[10:40] She's constantly complaining.

[10:41] She thinks she's working for a madam.

Dan McCoy

[10:43] Well, this is the thing.

[10:44] I actually sympathize with Kim Kardashian in these scenes because Kim Kardashian is just like,

[10:49] look, we appeal to a very high-end clientele.

[10:53] You have to dress a little bit better.

[10:55] You have to be into this.

[10:57] You have to know who this really rich guy who just walked in is, who apparently is super famous.

[11:02] I'm like, yeah.

[11:02] Yeah, you got to know his medical history.

[11:04] This is your job.

[11:05] You work with her.

Hallie Haglund

[11:06] I like the fact that she dressed totally fine.

Dan McCoy

[11:08] Yeah, she wore dressed fine.

[11:09] But I don't know.

[11:10] We're not fine.

[11:12] Yeah.

[11:12] Fine.

Hallie Haglund

[11:13] Not fine.

Dan McCoy

[11:17] I like the way you just changed the vowel sound and changed the whole name.

[11:20] Yeah, it's an I or wait, oh, why?

[11:23] It's like an oh, why?

[11:24] Yeah, it's all in French.

[11:25] She clearly had no respect for the job that she was doing.

[11:28] She kept putting down the idea of matchmaking.

[11:31] Oh, you're a madam.

[11:33] And also being like, I like to meet people the old fashioned way when there's no more old fashioned way to meet someone than being made a match.

Hallie Haglund

[11:40] Haven't you ever seen Fiddler on the roof?

[11:43] Yeah.

[11:44] Come on.

[11:45] Fiddler.

Stuart Wellington

[11:47] Yeah, no, well, that's true.

[11:48] It feels like that she was probably a bad hire by Kim Kardashian that she, you know, she shouldn't be working there.

[11:56] Wait, but the.

[11:56] And she should go back to her husband with his big dreams.

Hallie Haglund

[11:58] But Kim Kardashian's role was obviously the most fascinating to us, even though she was only in like five minutes of the movie.

[12:05] But it's like constantly going back.

Dan McCoy

[12:07] Her charisma can't be in an eye.

Hallie Haglund

[12:09] Well, because like at some point you think that she has a right to be such a bitch to this other girl because like she must be her boss.

[12:17] But then when you see them in work situations, Vanessa Williams is always telling Kim Kardashian, like schedule this meeting for Judith, who's the other woman.

[12:26] And so it's like, wait, she's just her assistant.

[12:29] She she's just being a bitch and she's her assistant.

Stuart Wellington

[12:32] Exactly.

[12:33] And she should probably be her boss because she knows what the what the job requires.

[12:37] Right.

[12:37] Yeah.

[12:38] She's like a real Emily Blunt in the Devil Wears Prada.

Dan McCoy

[12:41] Yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[12:42] This movie.

[12:43] Yeah.

[12:43] I kept I saw those parallels the whole time.

[12:46] Thank you.

[12:47] Thank you.

[12:47] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[12:48] Come on, Stuart.

[12:49] I was just remembering all those episodes of Veronica's Closet.

[12:52] I DVR'd because that show's still on.

[12:54] Right.

[12:54] Because it's super big.

[12:55] It's a big hit.

Dan McCoy

[12:57] You're like, this is about a lingerie company.

[12:59] It's got to get good at some point.

Stuart Wellington

[13:02] So, anyhow.

[13:05] Mm hmm.

[13:06] I like that show.

[13:07] Veronica's Closet.

[13:08] I think that's because you're a big Dave Cortez fan.

Dan McCoy

[13:12] You like the non-cheers work of Kirstie Allen.

Hallie Haglund

[13:15] I liked Olive, the character of Olive.

Dan McCoy

[13:19] I don't remember that.

Hallie Haglund

[13:21] She's the one who looks like this.

[13:23] You guys can't see me, but I'm.

Dan McCoy

[13:25] Thank you for making that face over the fucking pod waves.

[13:30] Everyone knows.

Stuart Wellington

[13:32] Okay, so she works at this place.

[13:34] She's not, she doesn't really like her job.

[13:35] Oh yeah, we haven't even gotten to any of the jerks.

[13:37] Until she is like Snake Man.

[13:39] Not the Snake Man from Jonah Hecker movie.

[13:41] Which is my favorite character in a flop ass movie of all time.

[13:43] No.

[13:44] But no, this guy who's like an internet.

Dan McCoy

[13:45] This bald skinny guy with some fucking shredded abs comes in.

Stuart Wellington

[13:48] Dude, every guy in this movie has shredded abs.

[13:50] That doesn't define him in any way from any other male character.

Dan McCoy

[13:53] He's got thinner shredded abs.

[13:55] That's true.

[13:55] And her husband has broader shredded abs.

Stuart Wellington

[13:58] He's shredded like if you glued a bunch of steaks to a skeleton.

Hallie Haglund

[14:01] If your abs aren't shredded, just don't even show up to the movie.

[14:06] Do not apply.

[14:06] Don't even be in the audience.

Stuart Wellington

[14:12] If you brought a dick to this movie and you do not have shredded abs, just leave the popcorn

[14:18] with her and go fucking self-terminate in the bathroom.

Dan McCoy

[14:20] This movie was called Tyler Perry's 30 Minute Abs.

[14:25] Which is weird because it does 30 minutes.

Hallie Haglund

[14:27] We all had to wear those He-Man chests on us from the drugstore during Halloween when we

[14:36] watched this movie.

[14:37] Because they wouldn't let us watch it otherwise.

[14:39] Okay, now get to the jerk.

Dan McCoy

[14:42] So wait, the snake man's a jerk.

[14:45] A snake jerk walks in.

[14:47] He's really rich.

Hallie Haglund

[14:48] But we don't know he's a jerk yet.

Stuart Wellington

[14:50] I mean, you pretty much assume.

[14:52] He starts almost immediately hitting on a married woman.

Dan McCoy

[14:54] Yeah, and Kim Kardashian refers to him as, what was it?

[14:58] The third most important internet something since Mark Zuckerberg.

Hallie Haglund

[15:03] The third most important internet.

[15:04] Yeah, internet models.

Stuart Wellington

[15:05] I'm like, there's been internet since Zuckerberg?

Dan McCoy

[15:08] Yeah.

[15:09] But, uh, no, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[15:10] Behind the times is what I'm trying to say.

Dan McCoy

[15:11] He's got the hots.

[15:13] Wait, what?

[15:13] He's got the hots for this.

Stuart Wellington

[15:14] He's got a copy of Hots on DVD?

Dan McCoy

[15:16] He's got the hots for this country mouse.

[15:19] He wants her bad.

Stuart Wellington

[15:20] It is, yeah.

[15:21] It's totally like a city mouse and a country mouse.

[15:23] So this country mouse, she's conflicted.

[15:25] She's got a husband.

[15:26] This husband is kind of into having sex with her, but kind of not.

Hallie Haglund

[15:30] But he's like real conservative.

[15:32] So she wants to go all wild.

[15:34] She wants to act like a lion.

[15:36] He's not into it.

Stuart Wellington

[15:37] His idea of wacky sex is him in his underpants playing a guitar with a cowboy hat.

[15:42] Am I really playing that guitar?

[15:44] So she got pretty offended by that because he's got some guitar skills.

[15:47] And this dude, despite having shredded abs, does not.

Dan McCoy

[15:50] He was just holding the guitar.

[15:52] Yeah.

[15:52] And lip syncing to Try a Little Tenderlandness, the record he put on.

[15:58] And he danced around in a cowboy hat and nothing else.

[16:01] Does that even have a guitar part?

Stuart Wellington

[16:03] Dan has learned songs to get laid.

Dan McCoy

[16:05] Yeah, man.

[16:05] You got to put the work in is what I'm saying.

Stuart Wellington

[16:08] Yeah, exactly.

[16:08] You can't just go to the gym and get totally awesome and hot.

Hallie Haglund

[16:11] But you go to the gym and you bring your guitar to the gym.

[16:16] You're dancing?

[16:17] You do the leg machine and you practice your guitar.

[16:21] That's how you get laid, guys.

[16:23] That's what we call the gym.

[16:24] From a woman.

[16:25] That's how you get laid.

Dan McCoy

[16:27] That's why my upper body is not developed.

[16:30] Because I can only do leg stuff.

[16:32] Because my hands have to be free for the guitar.

[16:36] But anyway, Snake Man really awakens the sexual monster within this young lady.

Stuart Wellington

[16:44] Yeah, he starts a full court press on her birthday.

[16:47] He sends her flowers.

[16:48] He's all about getting it on.

Hallie Haglund

[16:50] Because her husband forgets her birthday?

[16:52] Two years in a row, dude.

[16:55] That is not okay.

Stuart Wellington

[16:56] So, Hallie, you have a husband.

[16:59] Okay.

[17:01] In the future, maybe.

[17:02] In the future, you have a country husband who forgets your birthday two years in a row.

[17:07] How do you feel about that?

Hallie Haglund

[17:09] I would be like, I've already left him after he forgot the first one.

[17:14] But what if he has super shredded ass?

Stuart Wellington

[17:16] That Snake Man's starting to look pretty good, right?

Hallie Haglund

[17:19] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[17:20] And he's a billionaire or something, right?

[17:22] He has a plane.

[17:22] He's got a coat problem, we find out.

Hallie Haglund

[17:24] But he seemed so nice before.

Stuart Wellington

[17:27] He likes to run and he likes to apply bandages over your clothing.

Hallie Haglund

[17:31] He carried her, he picked her up.

[17:33] That's a huge plus.

Dan McCoy

[17:35] Yeah.

[17:36] She, well, this actually plays into what I wanted to say.

[17:41] There's a scene.

[17:42] I was going to say, we're bouncing all over the place here.

[17:43] Yeah, we're bouncing all over the place.

[17:44] We need the structure that Ellie provides.

[17:46] The sun is not holding.

[17:47] But there's a scene early on where, so her sexual heat has been awakened.

[17:53] She comes home and she wants to have crazy rough sex with her.

Stuart Wellington

[17:57] And that sexual heat is usually evidenced by her with her mouth kind of open and her eyes

[18:01] going almost cross-hushed.

Dan McCoy

[18:02] Yeah.

[18:03] So she attacks her husband and she growls at him, but not in a sexy, growly wetly.

[18:11] She might as well be barking like a dog and then she slaps him in the face several times.

Stuart Wellington

[18:18] She's probably, she is asking for rough sex the way you would think Kirk Cameron would

[18:23] pretend to ask for rough sex.

Dan McCoy

[18:24] Like someone who's never seen actual sex.

[18:28] Yeah.

[18:28] She's like, the idea of rough sex.

Stuart Wellington

[18:30] She's like, baby, you want to eat the sandwich?

[18:31] She's like, no, I want your wiener or whatever.

[18:35] I want to shout out on your wiener.

[18:39] Extra relish, please.

[18:41] She doesn't say that.

[18:42] But she starts laughing at me.

[18:43] She's like, baby, we're going to, we're going to, you're going to eat the sandwich.

[18:47] Then we're going to go into the bedroom normal style.

[18:50] And we're going to forget this ever happened.

Dan McCoy

[18:52] And you think that Stuart's joking, but those are almost verbatim.

Hallie Haglund

[18:55] He says, the only thing you're going to growl at is this sandwich.

[18:59] That's her line.

[19:00] Which is crazy, dude.

Dan McCoy

[19:02] Yeah.

[19:02] So she is, she's got.

[19:04] I mean, I'm into food play.

[19:06] Yeah, right.

[19:08] So.

Stuart Wellington

[19:09] But I don't take that in my bedroom.

[19:10] Then you're going to have to get a different kind of sheets.

Dan McCoy

[19:12] She's got blue ovaries at this time.

[19:14] Sure.

[19:15] And so she wakes up early.

[19:16] What does that mean?

Stuart Wellington

[19:17] Oh, blue box.

[19:19] Oh, okay.

[19:20] She wakes up.

Dan McCoy

[19:23] She has frostbite in her ovaries.

[19:26] You missed that scene?

[19:28] So she gets up early and she goes to the park where she knows.

[19:30] That means they're a boy.

Stuart Wellington

[19:32] Well, she's starting to have thoughts about, sexual thoughts about this guy.

[19:37] That snake guy.

[19:37] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[19:39] So she goes and she deliberately runs into him.

[19:43] And they go jogging.

[19:44] And then she runs into a guy who's riding his bicycle in the park.

Stuart Wellington

[19:49] Yeah, really blatantly just runs head first into a guy.

Dan McCoy

[19:51] And snake guy flips out and threatens to beat this guy up, which triggers something in her.

[19:55] Because earlier her husband was not man enough to protect her from some guys who were catcalling her.

Stuart Wellington

[20:01] Yeah, a couple of guys saying that she's a fine-ass bitch.

[20:03] Not a finance bitch like Dan's wife assumed.

Dan McCoy

[20:09] The best mishearing.

[20:12] But yeah, he takes her back to his love nest.

[20:17] You know, puts the moves on her.

[20:19] Yeah.

[20:20] But at this point she's having none of it.

Stuart Wellington

[20:22] He applies an ace bandage to her ankle over her sweatpants and her jogging pants.

[20:28] What do you call it?

[20:30] Leggings.

[20:30] Running.

[20:31] Leggings.

[20:35] Chaps.

[20:36] Chaps.

[20:37] Applies them over her chaps and her ankle socks.

[20:40] Speaking of Friday Night Lights.

[20:41] Which is not how you do that.

Dan McCoy

[20:42] Friday Night Lights, my favorite character was Tim Leggings.

Stuart Wellington

[20:47] Because you're a fan of bad boys.

[20:50] Yeah, man.

[20:51] John Carter.

[20:52] So, you know, she gets back with her husband for a little while.

[20:55] And then eventually she's like, oh wait.

[20:57] I've been spending, you know, she spends a lot of time with this other guy who's super wealthy.

[21:01] She's eventually seduced by this wealth.

[21:04] Her mother shows up to stay with him for a while.

[21:06] No, wait.

Hallie Haglund

[21:07] I don't want us to gloss over the, like, rape scene that led to their ultimate.

Dan McCoy

[21:12] It just comes up.

Stuart Wellington

[21:13] Yeah.

[21:13] We don't want to gloss over that because, like, I guess it's, okay.

Dan McCoy

[21:17] Not since Straw Dogs.

[21:19] Yes.

[21:20] Have you seen an uncomfortable rape scene turn into, I guess, a lady totally being into it?

Hallie Haglund

[21:26] Like a hot, passionate sex making?

Stuart Wellington

[21:29] Yeah.

[21:30] Sex making.

[21:32] Yeah, so they take a...

[21:33] It wasn't love.

[21:34] It was sex making.

[21:34] They take his private jet down to...

[21:37] They take the private jet down to sunny Nolens or New Orleans, as the Yankees call it.

[21:43] And they do...

[21:44] They shoot a couple montages of them doing fucking Nolens stuff.

[21:47] Yeah, like eating a shit ton of beignets.

[21:50] Yeah.

[21:50] Like eating a shit ton of beignets.

[21:51] Crawdads, probably.

[21:53] Drinking fucking Bahama Mama.

Hallie Haglund

[21:54] Fishing.

[21:55] Fishing.

[21:55] Fishing from the river with, like, a string tied around their toe.

[21:59] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[21:59] They're going out with, like, a fan boat.

[22:01] Cheers.

[22:02] Hanging out.

[22:03] Getting to the fly with a voodoo gum.

[22:05] Wrestling crocs.

Hallie Haglund

[22:06] Showing their tits to a bunch of people through beans.

[22:09] Both of their tits.

[22:10] It's crazy.

Stuart Wellington

[22:11] No rules.

[22:12] Just right.

[22:13] So, they...

[22:14] And then they're on the flight back over Champagne on his private jet.

[22:20] What's our...

[22:21] The bad guy's name's Harley?

[22:23] Harley.

[22:24] Yeah.

[22:24] Mm-hmm.

[22:24] Harley Davidson.

[22:26] That's how he got his fortune.

[22:28] He has the same name as the motorcycle.

[22:30] So, he has a patent on the fucking name.

[22:34] He's a patent troll, basically.

Hallie Haglund

[22:36] He doesn't even have the patent.

[22:37] He just got the domain.

[22:40] He's made all his money up.

Stuart Wellington

[22:42] That's why he's such a...

[22:43] Cyber squatter.

[22:44] Super smart web developer.

[22:47] So, over...

[22:49] Like, after...

[22:50] There's a really weird scene of the two of them kind of flirting, I guess.

[22:53] And a lot of it's, like, cutting to each of their faces.

[22:56] And each time it cuts to his face, it looks like he's doing some other kind of weird, sexy face in the mirror.

[23:01] Like, this one is kind of coy.

[23:03] This one's, like, kind of weird with his eyes open.

[23:06] Like, it's super strange.

[23:08] And eventually it gets to the point where he's just got to have it.

[23:12] He can't, you know, he can't forgive his aching groin.

[23:16] So, he starts to make a move.

Dan McCoy

[23:18] He knows she wants it, man.

Stuart Wellington

[23:19] And she resists.

[23:21] She says no many, many times before he eventually says...

Hallie Haglund

[23:24] Not only does she say no, she, like, pushes him off.

[23:26] And she's like, no, get off of me.

[23:28] This is wrong.

[23:29] No, please.

[23:30] I don't want this.

[23:31] I'm married.

Dan McCoy

[23:31] I told you many times.

[23:32] No, enough times to make everyone in the audience be like, oh, okay.

[23:37] Yeah, this is going to be a rape scene.

[23:39] We don't want to see this.

[23:40] We do.

[23:41] Please stop.

Hallie Haglund

[23:41] Not funny.

[23:42] That's not funny.

Stuart Wellington

[23:44] Stop laughing.

[23:46] So, until...

[23:47] And then he says very calmly, okay, so you can say you resisted.

[23:52] Before they then proceed to make out and totally do it.

[23:55] Which is weird, because who's she going to say she resisted to?

[23:57] Like, the press?

[23:58] The police.

[23:59] The pilot.

[24:00] The pilot.

Dan McCoy

[24:02] The pilot was coming back to give them the little wing pin.

[24:07] It's like, I'll just...

[24:09] He, like, slowly backs back into the cockpit.

[24:11] I resisted!

[24:15] I resisted!

[24:18] So, she totally does it with this dude.

Stuart Wellington

[24:20] She cries.

[24:21] She takes a long shower.

[24:22] And then she gets on a fight with her husband, I guess.

[24:25] And then she calls him up again.

[24:27] Yeah, she can't.

[24:27] She can't.

[24:28] She can't.

[24:28] Apparently, she's just got her normal urges.

[24:31] Yeah.

[24:32] They're totally normal urges.

[24:33] And she goes...

[24:34] Yeah, do what your body wants.

[24:35] And then they do it some more.

[24:37] And they get in a fight.

[24:38] And then they do it some more.

Hallie Haglund

[24:39] But, like, it is bad news from the get-go.

Stuart Wellington

[24:42] Yeah, like, right away, you know this is not going to be a great relationship.

Hallie Haglund

[24:45] He...

[24:45] The second time they're together, she's drinking wine.

[24:49] He's like, here, have this.

[24:50] She's like, oh, I'm okay with wine.

[24:53] And he's like, no, have this.

[24:55] And then she snorts, cocaine, people.

[24:58] But it's weird.

[24:58] No way.

Dan McCoy

[24:59] But the whole thing is weirdly framed.

[25:01] So, you have to just infer that it's cocaine.

Hallie Haglund

[25:03] Yeah, they never show what he's giving her.

[25:05] They just show her being like, afterwards.

Stuart Wellington

[25:08] And the whole thing is, like, we can't afford even fake cocaine in this movie.

[25:11] So, you're just going to have to pretend.

Dan McCoy

[25:13] Yeah.

[25:14] And meanwhile, you know, her mom's in town.

[25:18] She's like...

[25:18] The reverend.

[25:19] The reverend's not sure.

[25:20] You don't call me at 6 a.m. to pray anymore.

Stuart Wellington

[25:24] Which is...

[25:25] In her defense, I wouldn't call a reverend to pray at 6 a.m.

[25:29] That's crazy.

[25:29] That's really early.

Dan McCoy

[25:30] And the reverend's like, you don't cook for your man?

[25:34] That's also weird.

[25:35] The reverend shows up to, you know, really support some retrograde notions about marriage.

[25:41] Basically to shame her daughter into subservience.

[25:44] But anyway, her daughter gets all the drugs.

[25:46] Which she could use, am I right?

Stuart Wellington

[25:49] And this husband, her daughter's not supporting, is getting in this weird adventure with Moesha,

[25:56] who gets a job at his pharmacy.

[25:58] It turns out Moesha had a bad boyfriend.

[26:01] Oh, yeah.

[26:02] And is on the run from him, so she gets a job at a pharmacy.

[26:05] Um, there's...

Hallie Haglund

[26:06] Husband.

[26:07] They were married.

Stuart Wellington

[26:08] Oh, they were married?

[26:08] I didn't know that part.

[26:09] They were married.

[26:10] I was a little too focused on the kind of sassy old white lady who owns the pharmacy.

Hallie Haglund

[26:16] And is always trying to get them to, like, take some Valium.

Stuart Wellington

[26:19] Trying to get them to take Valium, trying to infer that Moesha is a lesbian.

Dan McCoy

[26:23] Grabbing a ton of hard candy from the jar up front and putting in her purse.

Hallie Haglund

[26:28] She's a real character, guys.

[26:30] Watch out for that one.

Stuart Wellington

[26:31] I think there's a role like that for you in the upcoming Tyler Perry movie, Bad Pharmacy

[26:36] Owner.

[26:39] So, uh...

[26:40] Tyler Perry is Madia's bad pharmacy zoner.

[26:43] Pharmacy zoner?

[26:45] Yeah.

[26:45] She zones pharmacies?

[26:47] Yeah.

[26:47] Would you like a city planner or something?

Dan McCoy

[26:50] She would be terrible at that.

[26:52] She's a council member, okay?

[26:53] There's already eight pharmacies on this block.

[26:56] We can't have another one.

[26:57] So...

[26:58] Thank Tyler Perry.

[26:59] She's Mad Pharmacy zoner.

Stuart Wellington

[27:02] Thank Tyler Perry.

[27:03] Smash cut to our heroine, Judith, who is hanging out with her new boyfriend, Harley.

[27:09] They're doing a bunch of coke.

[27:10] They're going to these weird sex parties where everybody's kind of like a sex zombie.

Hallie Haglund

[27:15] I think they were just nightclubs.

[27:18] That's a...

[27:19] Wait a minute.

Stuart Wellington

[27:20] It's not like any nightclub I've ever seen where you just wander in and people start grabbing

Dan McCoy

[27:24] at you and offering you things.

[27:26] Yeah, sex zombies because the husband, who is a very handsome man, comes in and is immediately

[27:32] clawed at by some...

[27:33] He's like pushing women down.

[27:35] Yeah.

[27:35] Probably pushing men down.

[27:37] Who knows, man?

[27:37] It's the 90s.

Stuart Wellington

[27:39] So, uh...

[27:40] Stuart, I've got some bad news for you.

[27:43] We'll go right after the podcast.

[27:45] Okay.

[27:45] So, after that, they...

[27:47] Does she go...

[27:48] She goes home with her husband or she has a conversation with him?

[27:50] No, she says...

[27:51] She's like...

[27:52] Sorry, dude.

[27:53] Get back in your old-timey truck.

[27:54] I don't need you.

[27:55] No, she's like, you're a great guy, but I need an exceptional guy.

[28:00] Yeah, that's the other weird thing.

[28:02] I mean, that's kind of a compliment still, right?

Dan McCoy

[28:04] Yeah, I mean, I don't think she hates him or anything.

[28:06] She's just, you know...

Hallie Haglund

[28:07] She says the other guy makes her feel alive.

[28:10] She just wants to feel alive.

[28:12] And she feels dead inside when she's with her husband.

Stuart Wellington

[28:14] Yeah, because...

[28:15] That makes sense.

[28:16] I mean, he forgets her...

[28:17] He doesn't respond and he's kind of slapping.

[28:19] He's not into weird slap sex.

[28:20] And he forgot her birthday two years in a row.

Hallie Haglund

[28:23] But I do want to mention the very deft film choice of the dichotomy between the snake's car

[28:33] and the husband's car.

[28:35] So the snake's car is like red Ferrari and the husband's car is like old-timey truck with a hay bale in the back.

Stuart Wellington

[28:45] Yeah, there's like a hay bale in the back.

Dan McCoy

[28:46] Allie pointed out like, how long have they been in the city?

Hallie Haglund

[28:49] They still got hay in the back of the truck.

Stuart Wellington

[28:53] It's the most obvious...

[28:54] It's one of the more obvious country versus city mouse situations next to like sweet home Alabama.

Dan McCoy

[29:00] Anyway, but I think we're getting to the shocking twist to her, which I think you should drop the bomb on us.

Stuart Wellington

[29:05] How can I tell this in the best way?

[29:07] So she's going crazy on coke, getting in fights with this dude all the time because it turns out he's not actually that great of a boyfriend.

[29:13] Big surprise.

[29:15] Meanwhile, across town, her husband is having dinner with Moesha.

[29:20] This was the exact scene that Hallie was forced to say.

[29:23] This movie's got a lot of great booties in it.

[29:26] So Moesha...

[29:26] Forced to say.

[29:29] Forced at booty point.

[29:31] Moesha's explaining to Bryce.

[29:33] His name's Bryce, right?

[29:34] That's an awesome name.

[29:36] She's explained to Bryce about her former relationship and how her asshole ex-husband gave her HIV from sleeping around.

[29:44] And it's partly her fault, I guess, for sticking around while she knew he was cheating.

[29:48] And then the big reveal, she explains her husband's name is Harley, our very own Snake Man character.

[29:56] Bryce is like, no way, my wife's with that Snake Man.

[29:58] So he jumps into his truck.

[30:00] They drive over there.

[30:01] He kicks down the door, finds them all passed out and beat up.

Hallie Haglund

[30:04] Yeah, because meanwhile, Harley has beat the shit out of Judith.

Stuart Wellington

[30:08] And left her in a bathtub so she doesn't bleed all over the nice carpet.

[30:11] Oh.

[30:12] So, I mean, he's thoughtful.

[30:14] To the carpet?

[30:16] After he gets...

[30:17] So Bryce rescues his wife.

[30:19] She's super happy, of course.

[30:21] And then he wakes up Harley only to do a patented Goldberg spear to him through the window.

[30:29] Beats him up a little bit.

[30:30] And Moesha's like, no, you're killing him.

[30:31] He's like, blah, blah, blah.

[30:33] He's probably already dead inside.

[30:34] I don't remember.

[30:35] And then he storms out, leaves the, I guess, soon-to-be-dead web developer on the ground.

[30:41] So at this point, three-quarters of our main characters have AIDS.

Dan McCoy

[30:48] Yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[30:48] And by the way, I'm sorry, I'm not trying to be dated, but do you really want to bust,

[30:53] like throw a guy through a window and embrace him when he has AIDS?

[30:59] When you're going through a...

Stuart Wellington

[31:00] Sure, you should put on a wetsuit or leather gloves or something.

[31:03] What are you saying?

Hallie Haglund

[31:04] I just feel like it's a lot of blood.

Dan McCoy

[31:07] So I don't want to misquote you, but what you're saying, Hallie, is if you were going to beat up someone with AIDS,

[31:13] you would put on a bodysuit.

[31:13] I'd put on a hazmat suit.

Hallie Haglund

[31:15] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[31:16] All right, well.

[31:17] Tasers are readily available.

[31:19] Thank you for that.

Hallie Haglund

[31:19] That was a joke.

[31:21] Yeah.

[31:21] You guys, that was a joke.

[31:22] It was for humor purposes.

[31:23] Yeah.

[31:23] Just if you want me to prove it.

[31:26] It's for humor purposes only.

[31:26] No retweets.

[31:28] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[31:29] So, yeah.

[31:31] So we flash forward.

Stuart Wellington

[31:32] So at that point, we're like, okay, I guess this is the whole story.

[31:34] Wonderful.

[31:35] And it cuts to the marriage counselor that we remember from the beginning still talking to her patient, I guess.

Dan McCoy

[31:44] And her patient's like, thank you so much for telling me this super boring story.

[31:49] I guess was such a dick that he stormed out of this session, but we should still stay married.

Hallie Haglund

[31:53] No, she was fantasizing about another guy, and she was like, now I won't go off with him.

Dan McCoy

[31:58] I see.

[31:58] You've slut shamed me into not going off with this guy.

[32:01] I guess commoner devils is what...

Hallie Haglund

[32:02] I don't want to get AIDS, so I won't go off with him.

Stuart Wellington

[32:05] Yeah.

[32:06] So, and then we find out that in truth...

[32:09] We realize.

[32:09] The hero from the story, Judith, is actually the marriage counselor who was telling us this story.

[32:15] She goes to the same exact pharmacy that her husband works at, but it turns out her husband,

[32:20] it's not her husband anymore.

[32:22] He has a new family.

Dan McCoy

[32:23] He has a new decent, God-fearing woman who doesn't have AIDS.

[32:26] Presumably.

[32:27] We don't know that for sure, Dan.

[32:29] It's true.

Hallie Haglund

[32:30] We know that he doesn't because the therapist asked her.

Stuart Wellington

[32:34] Oh, yeah.

[32:35] Yeah.

[32:35] But we do find out that Judith, in fact, has AIDS.

Dan McCoy

[32:37] Yeah.

[32:38] Has HIV, at least.

[32:39] So, the moral of the story is stay with your boring, non-interesting sex-having husband

[32:48] who forgets your birthday and who fears God because otherwise you're going to get AIDS.

Stuart Wellington

[32:54] Yeah.

[32:55] Or forget your wife's birthday all you want.

[32:57] You're going to trade up on a much younger wife who doesn't have AIDS and it's going to be great.

Hallie Haglund

[33:03] So, do you guys think he owned the pharmacy at the end?

Stuart Wellington

[33:07] Well, he had a lot of gray hair, so that gray hair probably came from business ownership.

Hallie Haglund

[33:12] I didn't see the other old lady.

[33:15] Oh, she died.

[33:15] She's long dead.

[33:16] She probably OD'd on Valium, right?

[33:18] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[33:18] I think if you look hard enough, you can probably see her as a ghost in the background.

[33:22] That's the kind of eye for detail that Tyler Perry usually has.

Dan McCoy

[33:26] Speaking of Tyler Perry's directorial stamp, can I just say, this is a almost two-hour movie.

[33:36] Yeah.

[33:36] 110 minutes.

[33:38] Could easily have been 80.

[33:40] 25.

[33:41] If you had taken out all of the pregnant pauses.

Hallie Haglund

[33:45] That were false pregnancies, if you will.

[33:49] Because they were just, you know.

Dan McCoy

[33:52] Yeah, the rhythm of this movie was way off.

Stuart Wellington

[33:55] Like, and, you know, a lot of those pauses came in the flirtation scenes, and okay, I can forgive that a little bit.

[34:01] But there was also a lot of scenes of like, oh, two characters just awkwardly walking up a flight of stairs and like fumbling with a lock.

Dan McCoy

[34:07] Yeah, let's keep that on.

[34:08] All that's gold.

[34:10] No, you don't need to just show the car arriving and then show them inside.

[34:15] You got to show them going up all of those stairs.

Stuart Wellington

[34:18] For you to really understand the temptation that this wife is facing, you're going to need a really long scenes of her work environment and see her coworkers kind of shaming her into wearing sluttier clothes.

Dan McCoy

[34:29] Yeah, just long scenes of her staring at a guy and him staring back at her and then talking as slowly as possible.

Stuart Wellington

[34:36] Well, at least I can accept that because that's like, that's some kind of awkward attempt to recreate flirtation in a movie, which.

Dan McCoy

[34:43] That's the way you get ladies.

Stuart Wellington

[34:45] That's how I do it.

[34:46] It's mesmerizing.

[34:47] I basically do a lot of mugging and snake charming.

Hallie Haglund

[34:52] Literal mugging.

[34:53] What?

[34:55] I have your purse.

[34:57] Go on a date with me, please.

Stuart Wellington

[34:59] I can probably find out either your current address or a past address.

[35:03] So I'll send you a love note.

Dan McCoy

[35:06] I'm going to stuff it out in your purse and leave it on your doorstep.

Hallie Haglund

[35:11] The cash will be gone.

Stuart Wellington

[35:13] Well, that's what paid for the note.

[35:16] Okay, man, we, wow, that was a tight summary we just did.

[35:20] Yeah.

[35:21] Front to back, no jokes, no tangents.

[35:23] Perfect.

Dan McCoy

[35:23] Nothing funny.

Stuart Wellington

[35:24] Nothing funny.

[35:25] So what else do you have to say about this, Dan?

[35:29] How do you feel Tyler Perry held up his end of this contract between you and him?

Dan McCoy

[35:34] Me and him as a viewer?

[35:38] This movie did not only anger me on a movie level, a movie draft level.

Stuart Wellington

[35:46] Well, you grew up with parents or a parent who was involved in the church, right?

Hallie Haglund

[35:51] You grew up with Tyler Perry, right?

Dan McCoy

[35:53] Yeah, we were my best buddies.

[35:56] We were the inspiration for Lethal Weapons.

[36:00] They took some liberties with our story.

Stuart Wellington

[36:03] Yeah, exactly.

[36:03] You're kind of a Riggs figure.

[36:05] Uh-huh.

Dan McCoy

[36:06] No, I mean, I had religious, you know, I grew up in a religious family, but not a weirdly

[36:14] retrograde family that insists that the women...

Stuart Wellington

[36:17] Sure, so your parents don't insist on your wife cooking for you and servicing you three

[36:22] times a week, it was?

[36:23] At least three times a week.

[36:24] At least three times a week, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[36:26] Yeah, I don't...

[36:27] This movie upset me.

[36:28] I think we should just go on to final judgment.

[36:31] We should talk about whether this was a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie, or a movie we

[36:35] kind of liked.

[36:36] I think you know where I stand.

[36:37] It was a bad, bad movie.

[36:38] It was bad in craft.

[36:40] It was bad in message.

[36:42] Hallie, what do you have to say?

Hallie Haglund

[36:43] Yeah, like, I have to be honest, I was really excited to watch this movie.

[36:48] I had seen...

Dan McCoy

[36:49] Mostly because KK was in it, Kim Kardashian.

Hallie Haglund

[36:53] One K off from being very unfortunate.

[36:58] But, no, I had seen the preview somewhere and I was like, hey, I wouldn't admit it, but

[37:04] I'd love to see that movie.

[37:07] And then...

Dan McCoy

[37:07] Crack a box of wine.

Hallie Haglund

[37:09] Right.

[37:09] And throughout it, I kept feeling like I needed to...

[37:13] You were being punished for that thought?

[37:14] Yeah.

[37:15] Yeah, that God was punishing me for ever being tempted with this movie.

[37:21] So, no, I thought it was a bad, bad movie also.

Stuart Wellington

[37:26] I feel like...

[37:27] I mean, I'm going to side with you guys, but I feel like it...

[37:30] If it had been a little bit tighter, if it hadn't been quite so long, I think it might

[37:35] have been a good, bad movie because it's so stupid and so hammy.

Dan McCoy

[37:40] It's very ham-fisted in its message, for sure.

Stuart Wellington

[37:44] And the idea of punishing all the bad characters with HIV is so crazy.

[37:51] It's such a crazy leap.

[37:53] Yeah, that's...

[37:54] Yeah, the twist is so strange.

Hallie Haglund

[37:56] But they didn't punish Moesha.

[37:57] She was okay.

[37:59] Or was she?

[38:01] I mean, she never found love again.

Stuart Wellington

[38:02] I mean, she's still alive at the end of the movie because I think she's still working

[38:05] in that pharmacy.

[38:06] Yeah, she was.

[38:06] And that's a good job, you know.

[38:07] Probably, I mean, once he took it over, he probably offers benefits to all of his boys.

Dan McCoy

[38:12] Yeah, at least we get that.

Stuart Wellington

[38:14] So, I guess that's three bad, bad movies.

[38:17] So, I'm sorry, everybody.

[38:18] All right.

[38:20] Well.

[38:21] What's the next thing we do, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[38:24] Great segue, Stuart.

[38:25] The next thing we do is we answer letters from listeners.

[38:30] Listeners like you?

[38:33] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[38:35] What was that, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[38:38] Letters from listeners like you.

Stuart Wellington

[38:40] You're not even doing a letter song?

Dan McCoy

[38:42] I can't.

Hallie Haglund

[38:43] Letters.

Stuart Wellington

[38:46] Three half-hearted leather songs.

Hallie Haglund

[38:48] We get better.

Dan McCoy

[38:51] Great.

[38:52] Thanks, Alan.

[38:54] So, before, actually, before we get to letters.

[38:57] You're going to reach deep into that mailbag.

[38:59] A quick thanks.

[39:01] We get a fair number of donations from fans.

[39:06] And I've fallen down on.

[39:08] Hard times.

[39:10] I've fallen down when it comes to recognizing all of the donations.

[39:13] But I did want to send a quick thanks to Robert Dunstan for his ridiculously generous donation.

[39:22] He sent us a ridiculous amount.

[39:26] Thanks, Robert.

[39:26] A million dollars.

[39:28] Thank you.

[39:29] Wait, what's that beeping noise?

[39:33] Is someone at the door?

[39:36] No.

Stuart Wellington

[39:37] Something's about to get edited out.

Dan McCoy

[39:40] Um, we don't edit this.

Stuart Wellington

[39:43] So, Dan's going to reach deep into the mailbag, grab onto a nice juicy letter, and pull it out.

Dan McCoy

[39:50] The first letter is titled, A Spookily Good, Bad, Thank You.

[39:55] It's from Mary Kate.

[39:58] She says, to avoid the Olsen twin jokes that have plagued me most of my life, she will not withhold her last name, Moran.

Stuart Wellington

[40:05] Okay, so it's Mary Kate Olsen.

Dan McCoy

[40:08] She says, I discovered your podcast with your first mention in the AV club and quickly became a flop house evangelist.

[40:14] I even started a church, but that was more for tax purposes.

[40:18] I know other fans have written in and said your podcast has been a bright point in tough times, and I have to say the same.

[40:23] Things are great now, but that summer was particularly rough.

[40:27] Dreaming of a world of tomorrow that contained a rocket crocodile or craving a box of Chopin Goatables made for a wonderful welcome distraction.

[40:36] But I was also lucky enough to catch your 12-round screening.

[40:39] Afterward, I went up to Dan and mentioned I was visiting from Cincinnati on business, but I stayed an extra day for the screening.

[40:45] Dan looked at me like I was crazy.

[40:48] To be fair, I had had a few drinks, was wearing a party dress, carrying a to-go box of leftover risotto, and was alone.

[40:54] I had bought a friend, but she had to leave during the intermission.

[40:56] I swear to God I have friends.

[40:58] Spoiler alert, the screening was the highlight of an awesome trip that included a lot of theater and comedy.

[41:03] Anywho, thanks.

[41:04] The Flophouse is now one of my main sources for laughs.

[41:07] More than any TV show or good-bad pun my boyfriend throws at me, who I've also indoctrinated to your podcast.

[41:13] I think he's a keeper.

[41:14] Cheers from Mary-Kate.

[41:16] I apologize for looking at you like you're crazy.

[41:19] Yeah, Dan gets pretty defensive at those live screenings.

[41:22] I don't get defensive at it.

[41:23] I'm just awkward.

[41:25] I'm awkward in real life with people I actually know.

Hallie Haglund

[41:28] Dan can't believe anybody actually likes him, so you're giving him praise.

[41:33] That's how he'll look at you.

Dan McCoy

[41:35] I mean, yeah, particularly a stranger.

Stuart Wellington

[41:37] Yeah, he thinks he's being gaslighted or something.

Dan McCoy

[41:40] But thank you for that.

[41:42] Gaslit?

Stuart Wellington

[41:43] Gaslit?

Dan McCoy

[41:44] I just wanted to, I thought that was a nice tale of a live Flophouse encounter.

Stuart Wellington

[41:50] Sure.

[41:51] You're going to tell us a tale of temptation, being tempted by Dan McCoy and the Flophouse.

[41:55] I'll pass.

[41:57] Luckily, this one ended up pretty positive, I guess.

[42:01] There's a boyfriend.

Dan McCoy

[42:02] This letter is called Stuart's Influence.

[42:04] Uh-oh.

[42:05] Google.

[42:06] Hey, dudes.

[42:08] I was recently doing some online shopping on Amazon, looking to add more films to my ever-expanding

[42:13] collection.

[42:14] While looking over my wish list, I realized I still had the Head of the Family DVD there.

[42:19] Thinking, why not?

Stuart Wellington

[42:20] To my wish list, wishing that somebody would buy it for me.

Dan McCoy

[42:24] Thinking, why not?

[42:25] I added it to my cart along with numerous other spookily good-bad movies, Event Horizon among

[42:30] them.

[42:31] Sure.

[42:32] After I made my purchase, moments later, a list of films recommended to me based on what

[42:36] I had bought popped up.

[42:38] The list read as follows.

[42:40] Castle Freak, Invisible Maniac, Dollman, and Dollman vs. Demonic Toys.

[42:46] So I'm just letting Stuart know that his taste in films clearly influencing America's purchases.

[42:51] Or, you know, it could be that they're all Full Moon movies.

[42:54] Either or.

[42:55] Signed, Sarah, last name withheld.

[42:57] So congratulations.

[42:58] You're a tastemaker.

[43:00] Yeah.

[43:01] You're the fresh maker.

Stuart Wellington

[43:01] I think Full Moon features President Charles Band is probably indebted to me or something.

[43:10] And, yeah, it's the first couple times I've seen Castle Freak and Head of the Family paired

[43:17] together.

[43:18] That's when I really knew that I've had enough.

[43:22] Why are we all just watching Dan's cat smell boots?

Hallie Haglund

[43:25] Because he's smelling my boots and he's smelling my cat.

[43:28] She is smelling my cat.

Dan McCoy

[43:32] Yeah, I mean, honestly, Stuart, your story about Charles Band or whatever is pretty good.

[43:38] Yeah, it's pretty bullshit.

[43:39] I mean, looking at my cat, looking at Hallie's boots is pretty great.

[43:45] I hope that you, the podcast listener, is having as much fun.

Stuart Wellington

[43:50] Imagine a pair of boots soggy from the snow.

Dan McCoy

[43:53] Yeah, imagine a pair of tiny bean boots that fit on Hallie's tiny elf feet.

[44:00] And imagine a giant fat cat.

[44:04] Perplexed by a human with such small feet.

Stuart Wellington

[44:08] Still carrying ice crystals from the snowy walkway.

Dan McCoy

[44:12] Actually, there's a...

[44:14] Yeah, Lulu's having a field day with three different pairs of boots right now.

[44:20] So...

Stuart Wellington

[44:21] So this has been the Boot House.

[44:22] Check us out for all your boot-related needs.

[44:26] Big boots, small boots.

Dan McCoy

[44:27] Pick up our Cats and Boots calendar.

[44:31] It's discounted now that we're a few weeks into 2014.

Stuart Wellington

[44:35] Yeah.

[44:36] So we're practically paying you to take it.

Dan McCoy

[44:39] So I hope that answers your question.

[44:42] If you had a question.

[44:44] Which I can't remember.

[44:45] About boots.

[44:47] So this next letter is titled,

[44:50] Trying to Introduce My Mom to the Flophouse.

Stuart Wellington

[44:52] Okay.

[44:53] First mistake.

Dan McCoy

[44:54] My mom asked me,

[44:56] What's a podcast?

[44:57] So I do my best to describe subscription-based audio files.

[45:03] And it's going well enough until I start talking about some of my favorite shows.

[45:07] She likes movies, so I mentioned the Flophouse.

[45:09] Oh, no.

[45:10] And she's on board.

[45:11] I then make the mistake of mentioning the infamous Ding Dong Gate controversy

[45:15] about the film Castle Freak,

[45:17] where the titular freak may or may not rip off his own Ding Dong.

[45:21] At which point, we have a massive communication failure.

[45:24] She thinks I'm describing a man stealing a Hostess brand snack cake from someone else.

[45:28] Or maybe eating his own snack cake,

[45:31] and then blaming someone else for the rip-off.

[45:33] It was at this point I realized I may be too far immersed in the Flophouse vernacular

[45:37] because the homophones never occurred to me.

[45:41] Bradley, last name withheld.

Stuart Wellington

[45:45] Yeah, so I think you're first...

[45:46] There's definitely a couple points where you went wrong there.

[45:50] I think describing something you really like,

[45:53] using a drunken steward explaining why he likes the movie Castle Freak

[45:59] is because he misremembers a dude ripping his own dick off,

[46:03] is probably a key moment where you messed up.

Dan McCoy

[46:05] I mean, I don't know why that would be something that you would share with your mom.

Stuart Wellington

[46:09] Yeah, that's what usually gets this podcast filed in iTunes under Not For Moms.

Dan McCoy

[46:16] My parents listen to this podcast,

[46:17] and it is a never-ending source of alarm to me.

Stuart Wellington

[46:21] My mom occasionally posts on the Flophouse Facebook page.

[46:25] Did I just say Flophouse and you didn't fuck with me that time?

[46:27] Come on.

[46:28] I'm not a monster like you do.

[46:30] And so every time she does, it's really great,

[46:33] and it usually doesn't have any punctuation.

[46:36] But she's an English teacher.

[46:37] I don't get it.

[46:39] What about your mom?

[46:40] Did she listen to the Flophouse?

Hallie Haglund

[46:41] My mom, so my mom is a professor, and one time, she's not a professor.

[46:45] Sorry, mom.

[46:48] She's a teacher, but she teaches some grad school classes.

[46:53] No, I'm sorry.

[46:54] She's a therapist, but she teaches some grad school classes.

[46:57] Okay.

[46:57] She sells shoes.

[46:59] She's a psychologist.

[47:00] She's a psychoanalyst.

[47:01] My mom's a hobo.

[47:02] Hello, my mom.

[47:04] Okay.

[47:05] So she teaches these grad school classes,

[47:07] and she said that in Denver, Colorado.

[47:10] Of all places.

[47:11] Yeah.

[47:12] Very far away from the Big Apple, New York City.

Dan McCoy

[47:16] New York City.

[47:17] Pretty far from the internet.

[47:18] As they would say in Asasa.

[47:19] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[47:20] Asasa, yeah, Facebook County.

Hallie Haglund

[47:22] And apparently one of her students in a big lecture,

[47:26] I don't know that for sure, I made that up.

[47:28] It might have been a small class, approached her.

[47:30] I don't know the story.

[47:31] Approached her and said,

[47:32] Do you really have a mom?

[47:34] Are you, did I hear your daughter,

[47:36] who has the same last name as you, on this podcast?

[47:39] And it was this podcast.

Stuart Wellington

[47:41] Which is super weird, because you, I mean,

[47:43] you write for the Daily Show.

[47:45] Like, your name's in the credits on a show every night.

[47:47] I don't think anyone looks at that.

[47:49] Oh, okay.

Dan McCoy

[47:50] Yeah, especially since, I would say,

[47:52] 90% of the time, the show runs long,

[47:54] and the credits get cut off.

[47:55] Yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[47:56] Or they run at, like, 100 miles per hour.

[48:00] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[48:01] So somebody has to be watching it super carefully

[48:03] to see Dan McCoy listed.

[48:06] It looks more like Burt Storch.

Dan McCoy

[48:09] Sure.

[48:11] So this last letter is titled,

[48:14] I found my hat.

[48:16] We did it.

[48:18] I had written a couple of months back

[48:19] about losing my hat during a move.

[48:22] The move was from Chicago to Mount Prospect,

[48:24] in case you were wondering.

[48:26] I wasn't.

[48:27] Q Elliot saying,

[48:27] nope, he's not here.

[48:29] Well, I finally found the hat inside a box

[48:31] in the basement that my girlfriend never unpacked,

[48:33] because all of mine are unpacked.

[48:35] She never unpacked a basement?

[48:37] No, the box in the basement.

[48:39] She's not lazy or anything,

[48:41] although sometimes I'm mowing the lawn,

[48:42] and I know she's just washing true blood inside,

[48:44] and I'm like,

[48:45] God, come on, woman.

[48:46] But I guess she just never got around to these boxes.

[48:48] And now that she found a spider in the basement,

[48:50] she won't go through the boxes.

Hallie Haglund

[48:52] Anyway.

[48:53] You can't unpack the boxes?

[48:56] She's solely responsible for unpacking the boxes?

Stuart Wellington

[48:58] I think these are specifically her boxes.

[48:59] I think if we're breaking down responsibilities,

[49:02] his responsibility is box unpacking

[49:04] and lawn mowing,

[49:05] and hers is true blood,

[49:07] I guess, fan page maintenance.

Dan McCoy

[49:09] Somebody is going to watch it.

[49:10] You've got to watch it.

[49:12] She probably writes for television without pity or something.

[49:14] You've got to watch that true blood.

[49:16] Anyway, he says,

[49:17] I would have written in and said,

[49:19] thanks for the help,

[49:20] but you didn't really do anything.

[49:21] I did all the work,

[49:22] but I didn't want to let you know.

[49:23] Close the loop, you know?

[49:25] Okay, cool.

[49:25] See you.

[49:26] John, last name with help.

[49:27] Didn't we do anything?

Stuart Wellington

[49:30] Didn't we, John?

[49:31] Didn't we?

[49:32] I mean, we did.

[49:34] Hallie didn't really do anything.

[49:36] No.

[49:36] She's probably cooling her heels.

Dan McCoy

[49:38] Hallie's wondering why we're talking about

[49:40] a guy who lost his hat.

Stuart Wellington

[49:42] Okay, let me explain to you.

[49:43] There's a guy.

[49:44] This guy, John, he lost his hat,

[49:45] and he needed us to find it,

[49:46] so we read a letter about it on the internet.

[49:49] And people listened,

[49:50] and they wrote about it on the Facebook page,

[49:52] I guess.

Dan McCoy

[49:52] Flash forward to now.

[49:54] Hat found.

[49:55] Congratulations, Flophouse.

[49:57] We did it.

[49:57] We did it, boys.

[49:59] Woo!

[50:01] That was a high five sound effect.

Stuart Wellington

[50:03] Cut to everyone on Mission Control

[50:05] standing up and cheering.

Dan McCoy

[50:07] Crying.

[50:08] Popping bottles.

Stuart Wellington

[50:11] So, yeah, that was letters.

[50:13] Wait, what else did we fucking do here?

[50:15] Come on, man.

[50:16] This is the new studio.

[50:17] I'm all messed up.

[50:18] Oh, so we talk about movies we actually liked.

[50:20] So we just watched Temptation,

[50:22] a story of Tyler Perry's marriage.

[50:25] Now we're going to talk about movies

[50:27] that you should watch

[50:28] probably instead of Temptation.

[50:31] Dan?

Dan McCoy

[50:32] Oh, why did you go to me first?

Stuart Wellington

[50:34] Stuart!

[50:36] I can go first,

Dan McCoy

[50:37] but as we said at the beginning of the show,

[50:42] I moved just recently.

[50:45] Yep, from one apartment to another apartment.

[50:47] In a new apartment,

[50:48] which means that I have not had a chance

[50:50] really to watch movies.

[50:53] Okay.

[50:53] So there's no new movies.

Hallie Haglund

[50:56] Because you were making a moving of your own.

Dan McCoy

[51:01] Classic.

[51:02] Classic word association.

[51:06] I will say, though,

[51:08] I'll recommend another form of visual media.

[51:13] I enjoy...

[51:14] You saw a bunch of funny memes on the internet?

[51:17] There was a really good

[51:19] Herb and Jamal comic strip.

Stuart Wellington

[51:23] Hey, Overboard,

[51:24] what's up with those pirates, huh?

Dan McCoy

[51:26] I want to recommend...

[51:28] I watched the first couple episodes

[51:30] of the HBO show True Detective.

[51:33] Okay.

[51:34] And I really enjoy it.

Stuart Wellington

[51:36] Like that McConaughey, right?

Dan McCoy

[51:37] I like that McConaughey

[51:38] and that Woody Harrelson.

[51:40] And it's interesting to think...

Stuart Wellington

[51:42] This too.

[51:44] That's a whistle sound effect, I guess.

[51:45] Were you wolf whistling there?

[51:46] Both of them.

[51:47] Okay.

[51:48] Meow.

Dan McCoy

[51:50] I think...

[51:50] Ooh.

[51:52] Rowrow, indeed.

[51:53] It's interesting that,

[51:54] I mean,

[51:54] both of those guys,

[51:55] I think,

[51:56] are guys that,

[51:57] when they first started out,

[51:59] you know,

[51:59] people liked them fine,

[52:00] but they wouldn't have been like,

[52:01] those guys.

[52:02] That white man can't jump.

[52:03] Like,

[52:04] they're going to be,

[52:05] they're going to turn out to be,

[52:06] like,

[52:07] superstars.

[52:08] But now,

[52:09] you know,

[52:10] they're a little older,

[52:11] they're a little grayer.

[52:12] They're super great.

[52:14] They're super great actors.

Stuart Wellington

[52:16] Yeah,

[52:16] I mean,

[52:17] they have experience at this point.

[52:18] Matthew McConaughey's been on a hot streak.

[52:20] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[52:21] But that's,

[52:22] I mean,

[52:22] I think that that's the main thing

[52:23] to recommend the show.

[52:24] I mean,

[52:24] the show's good on its own.

[52:26] There's a lot of,

[52:26] actually,

[52:27] pretty funny stuff in that show

[52:28] for how grim it is.

[52:29] Yeah.

[52:30] Like,

[52:30] the weird,

[52:31] odd couple pairing

[52:33] between,

[52:33] like,

[52:34] Matthew McConaughey,

[52:35] who's super existentialist,

[52:37] like,

[52:38] grim guy,

[52:39] and then Woody Harrelson,

[52:40] who's playing,

[52:41] like,

[52:41] Woody Harrelson.

[52:43] But mostly,

[52:45] just the acting on it,

[52:46] it's really fun to watch.

[52:48] Yeah.

[52:48] I recommend that.

Stuart Wellington

[52:49] It's shot really well,

[52:50] and I'm a sucker for references

[52:51] to The King in Yellow

[52:52] and Lost Carcosa.

[52:55] Sure.

[52:55] You know,

[52:56] Lovecraftian mythos stuff.

Dan McCoy

[52:58] Okay.

[52:59] Yeah.

[53:01] Stuart,

[53:01] what about you?

Stuart Wellington

[53:02] I recently watched a movie

[53:04] that is probably going to be

[53:06] in my best of 2013 list

[53:10] that,

[53:10] you know,

[53:10] Dan's super waiting for.

[53:12] Is,

[53:12] was,

[53:14] uh,

[53:15] Your Next,

[53:16] which is kind of a play on,

[53:18] well,

[53:18] is a home invasion movie,

[53:21] and also kind of a play

[53:23] on a home invasion movie,

[53:24] and it stars,

[53:26] uh,

[53:27] it features a lot of,

[53:28] what is it,

[53:29] Adam,

[53:29] uh,

[53:30] I don't know,

[53:30] Adam Wingard,

[53:31] I think,

[53:31] is the director,

[53:32] and it's a whole bunch of these,

[53:34] uh,

[53:35] like,

[53:36] indie horror filmmakers

[53:37] that have been thrown,

[53:38] uh,

[53:38] thrown out a lot of movies nowadays.

[53:40] Adam's,

[53:41] or,

[53:41] no,

[53:41] Joe Swanberg,

[53:43] Ty West is in it,

[53:45] um,

[53:45] and it's got a great cast,

[53:47] and they,

[53:48] the cast is kind of larger

[53:50] than I initially expected,

[53:52] being that it was a low-budget movie,

[53:54] and it is,

[53:56] uh,

[53:57] it's kind of deliberate,

[53:58] it takes its time,

[53:59] they managed to put a fair amount

[54:01] of comedy in there,

[54:02] and I don't want to go so far

[54:03] as to say that it's almost like

[54:05] a scream level take on a horror movie,

[54:07] but it does feel a little bit like a,

[54:10] uh,

[54:11] almost like a post-modernist,

[54:12] uh,

[54:13] home invasion horror movie,

[54:14] so,

[54:15] uh,

[54:15] check it out,

[54:15] it's fun.

Dan McCoy

[54:16] All right,

[54:16] and I've confirmed that you are correct

[54:18] in the name of the director.

[54:19] Yes.

[54:20] Two points to Gryffindor.

[54:23] I did it.

Stuart Wellington

[54:24] All because I rescued Hagrid.

Dan McCoy

[54:26] Do you have a recommendation?

Hallie Haglund

[54:29] Uh,

[54:30] I will say,

[54:30] if you're looking for a

[54:32] bad,

[54:33] good movie,

[54:35] um,

[54:36] Loveless,

[54:37] as in,

[54:38] Lovelace,

[54:39] Love,

[54:40] Love,

[54:40] Lace.

[54:40] Love,

[54:41] Lace.

[54:42] As in Linda,

[54:42] Love,

[54:42] Lace?

[54:43] Yes,

[54:43] is,

[54:44] um,

[54:45] free on some form of watching stuff.

[54:48] It's Netflix streaming.

[54:49] Yeah.

[54:50] Uh,

[54:50] and I watched it the other day,

[54:52] and,

[54:53] um,

[54:54] you know,

[54:54] it,

[54:55] it definitely,

[54:56] uh,

[54:56] has really stuck with me.

[54:58] I found a lot of moments in my life

[55:00] that I'm like,

[55:01] oh,

[55:01] that reminds me of this movie I just watched,

[55:03] which makes me think,

[55:04] like,

[55:05] maybe I should,

[55:06] maybe I should get out of the porn industry,

[55:08] or at least the animal porn industry.

[55:12] Just kidding.

[55:13] But,

[55:14] the point is,

[55:15] good movie,

[55:16] ish.

[55:17] I recommend it.

Stuart Wellington

[55:19] Well,

[55:19] did you start watching it like,

[55:21] like a 16 year old boy would have started watching it?

[55:23] Because you're like,

[55:23] oh,

[55:23] this is a movie about porno,

[55:26] and it's on late at night,

[55:27] so I'm going to watch it.

[55:28] Or did you watch it because you're like,

[55:29] I love Amanda Seyfried.

Hallie Haglund

[55:31] I started watching it with boys who were like,

[55:33] oh my god,

[55:34] this would be so funny if we watched this movie.

[55:38] Wouldn't it be,

[55:38] it's so bad.

[55:39] But really,

[55:40] I think probably the 16 year old boy approach.

[55:43] And then I watched it.

Stuart Wellington

[55:43] That's the genesis of the flop house right there,

[55:45] by the way.

Dan McCoy

[55:47] I think,

[55:47] uh,

[55:48] I think these boys need to be more honest about their,

[55:50] uh,

[55:50] come on,

[55:51] man,

[55:51] just be up front.

[55:52] I,

[55:53] I,

[55:54] I,

Dan McCoy

[55:54] I,

[55:54] be up front about your goals.

Stuart Wellington

[55:55] You need to have like a pervizoid rap session where you flip your baseball cap around and flip your chair around.

[56:01] Like,

[56:01] have a seat,

[56:02] guys.

Dan McCoy

[56:02] Let's talk about your movie watching.

[56:04] Everyone likes to see naked people,

[56:06] all right?

[56:06] It's cool.

Hallie Haglund

[56:07] Yeah.

[56:08] A lot of beautiful naked people.

[56:10] So,

[56:11] watch it.

Stuart Wellington

[56:14] Interesting recommendation.

[56:16] So,

[56:16] uh,

[56:17] we had a couple of movies we recommended.

[56:19] We had a couple of laughs.

[56:21] We talked about a movie for a while.

[56:24] Listened some letters.

Dan McCoy

[56:26] So,

[56:26] um,

[56:28] Allie,

[56:28] what are we going to do to stop,

[56:31] to stop the tyranny of Elliot from returning to our shores?

[56:37] Um,

[56:37] please don't go.

[56:39] Please.

Hallie Haglund

[56:40] Well,

[56:41] if ever you need me,

[56:43] just call,

[56:44] and I will be there.

Dan McCoy

[56:47] Because you're down the hall from me.

Hallie Haglund

[56:48] Exactly.

[56:50] Put up the Hallie sign in the night sky.

Dan McCoy

[56:55] Could you describe the Hallie sign for us?

Hallie Haglund

[56:57] It's like a girl,

[56:58] like,

[56:58] with her chin on her hands being like,

[57:02] hey.

Dan McCoy

[57:03] That is totally the Hallie sign.

[57:04] That's the Hallie sign.

[57:06] Well,

[57:07] thank you for,

[57:08] for stepping in so bravely.

[57:11] Filling a hole.

[57:12] Well,

[57:13] arguably small hole.

[57:14] Yeah.

[57:15] Well,

[57:15] Elliot,

[57:15] uh,

[57:16] chicken,

[57:16] breast smelling hole.

[57:18] Elliot selfishly decided to breathe.

[57:21] Yeah,

[57:22] he brought,

[57:22] he brought a new life into the world.

[57:24] Yeah,

[57:24] big deal.

[57:25] Anyone can do that.

[57:26] Come on.

[57:27] Bag it.

[57:29] Bag it,

[57:29] everybody.

[57:30] Actually,

[57:30] I saw,

[57:31] I saw his baby.

[57:31] It's pretty cute.

[57:32] Okay.

[57:33] Not it,

[57:34] he.

[57:35] Yeah,

[57:36] that's true.

[57:37] It's pretty small still.

[57:38] Sure,

[57:39] it could go either way.

[57:40] You don't know.

Hallie Haglund

[57:42] We're going to leave it up to it.

[57:44] Make the choice.

Stuart Wellington

[57:46] We don't know.

Dan McCoy

[57:47] We're a post-gender society at this point.

[57:50] Um,

[57:51] wow.

[57:52] There's the potential for offense in this.

[57:55] Yeah,

[57:55] no,

[57:55] it's been great.

[57:56] Yeah,

[57:56] so we should probably sign off,

[57:58] um,

[58:00] for the Flophouse.

[58:01] I've been Dan McCord.

[58:03] That's how we do it.

Stuart Wellington

[58:03] So,

[58:04] and I've been Stuart Wellington.

Hallie Haglund

[58:05] And I've been,

[58:07] and will continue to be,

[58:09] Hallie Haglund.

Dan McCoy

[58:11] Good night,

[58:11] everyone.

[58:12] Yay!

[58:13] Good night,

Hallie Haglund

[58:14] everybody.

[58:15] I miss you.

Stuart Wellington

[58:23] Do we need to do any promotion of t-shirts?

Hallie Haglund

[58:26] I'd like to promote my t-shirt.

Stuart Wellington

[58:29] Okay,

[58:30] I guess,

[58:30] I don't think there's been a lot of talk about my t-shirt.

[58:32] we'll file that in our new business.

[58:34] A friend of mine tried to order a t-shirt,

[58:36] and we were sold out.

[58:37] And then we weren't sold out,

[58:38] and she got her t-shirt.

[58:39] What?

[58:40] Good story.

[58:41] So,

[58:42] it's a regular confession of a,

[58:44] an emotional royal.

[58:47] My friend did this thing,

[58:49] it was super boring.

Hallie Haglund

[58:49] She was tempted to buy a t-shirt.

The Flop House: Episode #144 - Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor

Transcript

In this episode

Description