The Flop House: Episode #144 - Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor

[0:00] On this episode we discuss the very Cinemax titled Temptation Confessions of a Marriage Counselor

[0:30] Hey everyone and welcome to the Flophouse, I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:37] Hey everyone, this is Stuart Wellington.

[0:39] Hi guys, I'm Hallie Hagland.

[0:41] Back again.

[0:42] Hey, Hallie Hagland.

[0:43] My, my, my, Elliot's gonna be back next time, so don't worry.

[0:47] Hold your horses.

[0:48] Yeah.

[0:49] Hold them in a horse pen.

[0:51] Hold them with some, uh, those ropes that make you go neeeh.

[0:57] Yeah.

[0:58] Like a wasp.

[0:59] A wasp?

[1:00] A bridle.

[1:01] A bridle.

[1:02] Okay.

[1:03] So if you're one of those human monsters who doesn't care for Hallie, don't worry, your

[1:07] boyfriend Elliot will be back soon.

[1:09] But for all the rice making people.

[1:11] But guess what, he got a chick knocked up.

[1:14] Yeah, deal with that.

[1:16] He did the deed, now he's gotta be the dad.

[1:19] So, and all you, uh, what are you, guys who like to listen to stuff, you're probably wondering

[1:25] why does this episode sound so weird?

[1:27] Uh, yeah, well, it's the first in the new Flophouse Studios, a.k.a. my new apartment.

[1:33] Ooh, Flophouse Studios, mark two.

[1:36] Y'all ready for this?

[1:45] No, no, no, no, no.

[1:47] We have to pay royalties after a certain amount.

[1:51] Um, yeah.

[1:53] That's all.

[1:54] Okay, so here at the Flophouse podcast, we just got done watching a presumably bad movie,

[2:00] and we're gonna talk about it for a little while.

[2:02] An allegedly bad movie.

[2:04] Allegedly, that we paid American currency for.

[2:08] Yeah, and that currency goes into the pocket of the person who made the bad movie.

[2:13] So if you feel bad for them, don't, because they are way richer than us.

[2:17] Yeah, they're spread, well, maybe.

[2:20] Yeah, probably.

[2:21] This guy in particular is like a fucking millionaire.

[2:23] So what did we watch tonight, Dan?

[2:25] We watched, um, Temptation, colon, Confessions of a Marriage Counselor.

[2:31] You said colon.

[2:35] You mess it up, Dan.

[2:37] It's Tyler Perry's.

[2:39] No, no, no, there's two alternatives.

[2:41] You either know it as Temptation, colon, Confessions of a Marriage Counselor,

[2:46] or Tyler Perry's Temptation.

[2:49] Okay.

[2:50] So is it, wait, so he was tempted by this confession?

[2:53] I don't get it.

[2:54] Yeah.

[2:55] He was tempted to make a really bad movie, and he gave in to it and made this movie.

[3:00] Burn.

[3:01] Tyler Perry even burned.

[3:03] Spoiler alert.

[3:04] Do you guys think he's listening to this?

[3:06] I would feel so bad.

[3:10] You want to be the sassy white lady in the next comedy.

[3:15] Whoa.

[3:16] It's going to be tough because I remember last time we did a Tyler Perry movie,

[3:19] Elliot described him as having all the grace of a mattress with legs.

[3:23] Yep.

[3:24] And he could have easily been describing this script, Burn.

[3:27] So, yeah, what drew us to this?

[3:31] When I showed up, you guys were all raring to go.

[3:33] Kim Kardashian was in it.

[3:35] Can't get enough.

[3:36] Kim Kardashian's in it.

[3:38] Halle was very excited about how bootylicious everyone in this movie is.

[3:42] You guys, everybody's got a booty.

[3:45] That's your children's book.

[3:48] Everybody's got a booty.

[3:50] This is my first fear.

[3:53] The fear that I articulated earlier to you guys is playing in immediately right now.

[3:58] What's that?

[4:00] Okay.

[4:02] Yeah, there's a certain worry.

[4:04] You want to get something off our chests.

[4:06] Yeah.

[4:07] You're watching an entire Tyler Perry movie.

[4:11] Madea, or not Madea in this case,

[4:14] just a worry that we'll accidentally say something racist.

[4:18] Yeah, so give it off for legal reasons, right?

[4:21] Like Brad Paisley will be an accidental racist.

[4:25] Or a real racist in the case of Brad Paisley's song.

[4:28] So when I mention that Moish is in this, I'm actually talking about Brandi's actually in this.

[4:34] Yeah, she's actually in this.

[4:35] You're not just calling some random lady Moish.

[4:37] It's like saying Hannah Montana is in this.

[4:41] She's not.

[4:42] She doesn't have the booty to make the cuts.

[4:46] Yeah.

[4:47] If wrecking ball has proven anything,

[4:49] it's that she does not have the booty to star in Temptation,

[4:52] colon, Confessions of a Marriage Counselor.

[4:56] Yeah, I keep thinking you're going to say Confessions of a Bridal Counselor,

[4:59] which makes no sense at all.

[5:01] But what makes a lot of sense is this movie.

[5:03] So doesn't it start in, well, it looks like a police station.

[5:08] No.

[5:10] It's like a triage marriage counseling center.

[5:14] Yeah, there's just fax machines going off, phones ringing.

[5:19] There's a lady seeking marriage counseling, and she's doing it alone.

[5:23] No, she's with her husband when he walks out.

[5:25] You started off, you were playing Dan McCoy dinner detective again, I think.

[5:30] More like Dan McCoy dinner arranger this time because dinner didn't come on time.

[5:34] You're like Jason Statham in The Transporter, no women, no kids.

[5:38] Yeah, just falafel.

[5:41] But, yeah, no, she's getting advice from a marriage counselor,

[5:45] and the marriage counselor is like,

[5:47] let me tell you a long, boring story about my sister.

[5:50] I don't think so.

[5:52] Spoiler alert.

[5:56] But, yeah, so the framing device of the marriage counselor,

[6:00] instead of asking questions and trying to find out more about the couple that she's helping,

[6:04] instead she tells us a story, and then there's not even really a dissolve or anything.

[6:09] We go right into, what, like 50 years later in the South?

[6:13] I don't know, man.

[6:14] All I know is so there's a young lady played by the girl from Friday Night Lights.

[6:21] Who was also on Full House.

[6:24] If you guys ever watched, she was Michelle's friend.

[6:26] She wore one of those little hats, those blossom hats that flip up.

[6:29] Oh, those little hats.

[6:30] Her pout is memorable.

[6:32] It was burned in my mind, and I recognized it as soon as I saw it,

[6:35] and I never watched Friday Night Lights.

[6:36] Okay, well, more recently she was the daughter of the barbecue guy.

[6:41] Barbecue salesman.

[6:42] Yeah, but she gets married to her.

[6:47] Man, Dane's doing the summary.

[6:48] Hold on to your hats, hold on to your blossom hats.

[6:50] You're going to have to take over pretty soon.

[6:52] I'm terrible at it.

[6:53] But she gets married to her childhood sweetheart.

[6:55] Lynn Bryce, who has an awesome flat top.

[6:57] And her minister mom is not approving of it.

[7:01] Also, this movie should be called Minister Mom.

[7:03] Yeah, the Reverend Minister Mom.

[7:05] Sarah, Reverend Sarah.

[7:07] But she's like, all right, fine.

[7:10] And so they go off to the big city of Washington, D.C.,

[7:13] where the guy has a lifelong dream of owning his own pharmacy.

[7:19] And the woman is a counselor.

[7:24] She's got like a Ph.D. in psychology.

[7:27] She's got a master's.

[7:28] I don't know.

[7:29] She's got a master's.

[7:30] She explains that in an exposition later on.

[7:32] She reiterates that several times.

[7:34] But she seems to believe that she is slumming

[7:38] by instead working for a millionaire matchmaker.

[7:41] Played by?

[7:42] Vanessa Williams.

[7:43] Kiss of the Spider Woman.

[7:45] Really?

[7:47] She's saying Kiss of the Spider Woman?

[7:49] She's saying Colors of the Wind for the radio version.

[7:53] She's in the Ugly Betty basically playing the same part.

[7:55] But with a?

[7:57] In this case, she has a French accent, a terrible French accent.

[8:00] It's amazing.

[8:03] As Stewart says, I have a better French accent.

[8:06] Je n'ai pas bon, Vanessa Williams.

[8:08] Well, the funniest thing is that she still uses all the vernacular

[8:12] of a native English speaker.

[8:15] You are going to?

[8:17] What's the thing that people who talk in English?

[8:21] How do you say?

[8:23] How do you say, the bitch is back?

[8:28] Exactly as you just said it.

[8:31] How do you say, it's totes crazy, bro?

[8:37] We have to give the movie this one thing,

[8:41] which is that Vanessa Williams' terrible accent finally pays off.

[8:45] There is one good joke in the movie where at the end of the movie,

[8:49] it turns out that she's from Georgia.

[8:53] Oh, and the keen therapist says she's having an identity crisis

[9:00] because she spent two weeks in France, and she's like,

[9:02] and you all know, no.

[9:06] Take two, Hallie.

[9:08] And we all know you're from Georgia.

[9:11] And then she was like, bitch, get out of my office.

[9:14] She actually said that.

[9:15] I'm not making that up.

[9:16] High fives were given and seen.

[9:19] We remember it well because it was the only time we were entertained.

[9:23] So she works for like a millionaire matchmaker trademark.

[9:27] And who else works there is Kim Kardashian.

[9:32] Did you say Kardashian?

[9:35] I said Kardashian.

[9:37] Did I say it wrong?

[9:38] I think.

[9:39] In two places.

[9:43] Who works there?

[9:44] Don't worry about it.

[9:45] Is Lando Calassian.

[9:48] Who plays her friend?

[9:51] Like she's a friend or something, right?

[9:53] She's just trying to give her a makeover, but she's really mean.

[9:55] She does a lot.

[9:56] She delivers a lot of jokes, but without a lot.

[10:00] to you like

[10:01] her her voice sounds like she's smiling but her eyes she's not smiling she's a

[10:06] stealth joke disguiser because she doesn't have a lot of so you don't know

[10:11] she's disguising the job you don't know she's telling a joke

[10:15] she's making the place is in disguise his jokes

[10:19] and then later on you're like

[10:21] what the is this a joke

[10:22] i don't think that

[10:24] you laugh and laugh and laugh

[10:28] only she'll show up here to make us burn

[10:31] i don't know

[10:31] so kim kardashian is there

[10:34] and she's giving our hero a hell of a time

[10:37] yeah so i guess she doesn't seem to really fit in there she's constantly

[10:41] complaining she thinks she's working for a madam

[10:43] well this is the thing i have to sympathize with kim kardashian in these scenes

[10:47] because

[10:48] kim kardashian is just like

[10:49] look we appeal to a very high end clientele

[10:53] you have to dress a little bit better you have to like you know be into this

[10:57] you have to know

[10:58] who this really rich guy who just walked in is who apparently is super famous

[11:02] and like yeah this is part of his medical history this is your job

[11:06] except for the fact that she dressed totally fine

[11:10] yeah she worked dressed fine but

[11:11] but not fine

[11:13] not fine

[11:17] i like the way you just changed the vowel sound and changed the whole mood

[11:22] it's like an O-I

[11:24] she clearly had no respect for the job that she was doing she kept like

[11:29] putting down the idea of matchmaking like oh you're a madam

[11:33] and also being like i like to meet people the old-fashioned way when

[11:36] there's no more old-fashioned way to meet someone than being made a match

[11:41] haven't you ever seen fiddler on the roof

[11:44] come on

[11:45] fiddler

[11:47] yeah no well that's true it feels like that she was probably a bad hire by

[11:52] kim kardashian

[11:54] that she you know she shouldn't be working there and she should go back to her husband

[11:58] with his big dreams but kim kardashian's role was obviously the most

[12:02] fascinating to us even though she was only in like five minutes of the movie

[12:05] but it's like constantly going back her charisma can't be in an eye

[12:09] well because it

[12:10] like at some point you think that she has a right to be such a bitch to this

[12:14] other girl because

[12:15] like she must be her boss

[12:17] but then when you see them in work situations

[12:20] vanessa williams is always telling kim kardashian like

[12:23] schedule this meeting for judith who's the other woman

[12:26] and so it's like wait she's just her assistant

[12:30] she's just being a bitch and she's her assistant

[12:32] exactly and she should probably be her boss because she knows what the job

[12:36] requires right now

[12:38] she's like a real emily blunt in the devil wears prada

[12:41] i don't know what you're talking about

[12:44] i saw those parallels the whole time thank you

[12:47] thank you

[12:47] yeah come on stewart

[12:49] i was just remembering all those episodes of veronica's closet on dvr

[12:53] because that show's still on right because it's super big it's a big hit

[12:58] you're like this is about a lingerie company it's got to get good at some point

[13:03] so

[13:04] anyhow

[13:06] i like that show

[13:07] veronica's closet

[13:08] i think that's because you're a big dave cortez fan

[13:13] you like the non-cheers work of kirstie allen

[13:15] i liked olive the character of olive

[13:19] i don't remember that

[13:23] she's the one who looks like this

[13:27] you guys can't see me but i'm

[13:30] thank you for making that face over the fucking pod waves

[13:32] okay so she works at this place she's not she doesn't really like her job

[13:36] i haven't even gotten to any of the jerks

[13:39] until shanks is like snake man not the snake man from jonah hector's movie

[13:42] which is my favorite character in a flop ass movie of all time

[13:45] but no this guy who's like a bald skinny guy with some fucking shredded abs comes in

[13:48] dude every guy in this movie has shredded abs

[13:51] that doesn't define him in any way from any other male character

[13:54] he's got thinner shredded abs and her husband has broader shredded abs

[13:57] he's shredded like if you glued a bunch of steaks to a skeleton

[14:00] if your abs aren't shredded

[14:03] just don't even show up to the movie

[14:06] do not apply

[14:09] don't even be in the audience

[14:12] this movie was originally called

[14:15] if you brought a dick to this movie and you do not have shredded abs

[14:18] just leave the popcorn with her and go fucking self terminate in the bathroom

[14:21] this movie was called tyler perry's 30 minute abs

[14:24] which is weird because it does 30 minutes

[14:27] we all had to wear those

[14:30] he-man chests on us from the drug store

[14:33] during halloween when we watch this movie

[14:36] because they wouldn't let us watch it otherwise

[14:39] okay now get to the jerk

[14:42] snake man's a jerk

[14:45] snake jerk walks in

[14:48] he's really rich

[14:51] but we don't know he's a jerk yet

[14:54] we pretty much assume he starts almost immediately hitting on a married woman

[14:57] the third most important internet

[15:00] something since mark zuckerberg

[15:03] the third most important internet

[15:06] there's been internet since zuckerberg

[15:09] yeah

[15:12] he's got the hots

[15:15] he's got a copy of hots on dvd

[15:18] he's got the hots for this country mouse

[15:21] he wants her bad

[15:24] she's got a husband

[15:27] this husband is kinda into having sex with her

[15:30] but he's like real conservative

[15:33] she wants to go all wild

[15:36] he's not into it

[15:39] his idea of wacky sex is him in his underpants

[15:42] playing a guitar with a cowboy hat

[15:45] am i really playing that guitar

[15:48] he's got some guitar skills

[15:51] and lip syncing to try a little tenderliness

[15:54] the record he put on

[15:57] and he danced around in a cowboy hat

[16:00] does that even have a guitar part

[16:03] dan has learned songs to get laid

[16:06] you gotta put the work in

[16:09] you can't just go to the gym and get awesome

[16:12] you go to the gym and you bring your guitar to the gym

[16:15] you do the leg machine

[16:18] that's how you get laid

[16:21] from a woman

[16:24] that's how you get laid

[16:27] that's why my upper body is not developed

[16:30] because i can only do leg stuff

[16:33] my hands have to be free from the guitar

[16:36] snakeman really

[16:39] awakens the sexual monster

[16:42] he starts a full court press

[16:46] he sends her flowers

[16:49] because her husband forgets her birthday

[16:52] two years in a row

[16:55] that is not ok

[16:58] you have a husband

[17:01] in the future

[17:04] you have a country husband

[17:07] how do you feel about that

[17:10] i would have already left him

[17:13] what if he has a super shredded ass

[17:16] that snakeman is starting to look pretty good

[17:19] and he's a billionaire

[17:22] he's got a coke problem

[17:25] he seemed so nice before

[17:28] he likes to run and apply bandages

[17:31] he picked her up

[17:34] that's a huge plus

[17:37] this actually plays into what i wanted to say

[17:40] we're bouncing all over the place

[17:43] the sun is not holding

[17:46] there's a scene early on

[17:49] her sexual heat has been awakened

[17:52] she comes home

[17:55] and she wants to have crazy rough sex

[17:58] that sexual heat is usually evidenced by her

[18:01] with her mouth open and her eyes almost cross-eyed

[18:04] she attacks her husband

[18:07] she slaps him

[18:10] but not in a sexy way

[18:13] she might as well be barking like a dog

[18:16] and then she slaps him in the face several times

[18:19] she's probably asking for rough sex

[18:22] the way you would think kirk cameron

[18:25] someone who has never seen actual sex

[18:28] the idea of rough sex

[18:31] she's like no i want your wiener

[18:34] i want to chow down on your wiener

[18:37] extra relish please

[18:40] she doesn't say that

[18:43] she starts slapping him

[18:46] you're going to eat this sandwich

[18:49] we're going to go into the bedroom normal style

[18:52] we're going to forget this ever happened

[18:55] he says the only thing you're going to growl at

[18:58] is this sandwich

[19:01] she's got

[19:04] i'm into food play

[19:07] but i don't take that in my bedroom

[19:10] then you're going to have to get a different kind of sheets

[19:13] she's got blue ovaries

[19:16] what does that mean?

[19:19] oh blue balls

[19:22] she has frostbite in her ovaries

[19:25] you miss that scene?

[19:29] she gets up early

[19:32] that means they're a boy

[19:35] she's starting to have sexual thoughts about this guy

[19:38] snake guy

[19:41] she deliberately runs into him

[19:44] they go jogging

[19:47] she runs into a guy

[19:50] who's riding his bicycle

[19:53] snake guy flips out

[19:56] her husband was not man enough to protect her

[20:00] you're a cat caller yeah a couple of guys say that she's a fine ass bitch

[20:04] not a finance bitch like dan's wife assumed

[20:09] the best mishearing

[20:11] uh... but yeah he takes her back to her his his love nest

[20:17] you know puts the puts the moves on her

[20:20] but uh... at this point she's having none of it if i put the moves on her he

[20:23] applies an ace bandage to her ankle over her sweatpants and her jogging pants

[20:28] uh... what do you call it?

[20:29] leggings

[20:30] running leggings

[20:35] chaps

[20:37] applies them over her chaps and her ankle socks

[20:40] speaking of friday night

[20:42] friday night lights my favorite character was tim liggins

[20:47] because you're a fan of bad boys

[20:51] john carter

[20:52] so she you know she gets back with her husband for a little while and then

[20:56] eventually she's like oh wait i've been spent you know she spends a lot of time

[20:59] with this other guy who's super wealthy

[21:01] she's eventually seduced by this wealth

[21:04] her mother shows up to stay with him for a while

[21:07] i don't want us to gloss over the like

[21:09] rape scene that led to their ultimate

[21:13] we don't want to gloss over that because

[21:17] not since straw dogs

[21:19] yes have you seen an uncomfortable rape scene turn into

[21:24] i guess the lady totally didn't do it

[21:27] hot passionate sex making

[21:30] uh...

[21:32] yes so they they take a private jet down to

[21:37] they take a private jet down to sunny nolans

[21:40] or new orleans as the yankees call it

[21:43] and uh... they do they shoot a couple of montages of them doing fucking norland

[21:47] stuff like eating a jazz singer

[21:51] crawdads probably i don't know

[21:53] fishing from the river with a string tied around their toe

[21:58] going out with a fan boat

[22:01] sure is hanging out

[22:03] getting in a fight with a voodoo oom-gum

[22:06] showing their tits to a bunch of people through v-tubes

[22:11] no rules just right so they and then they're on the flight back over uh...

[22:17] champagne on this private jet

[22:20] uh... what are the bad guys names harley

[22:23] harley harley davidson

[22:27] that's how he got his fortune he has the same name as the motorcycle

[22:30] so he has a patent on the fucking name

[22:34] he's a patent troll basically he doesn't even have a patent he just got the domain

[22:42] he's cybersquatter

[22:45] super smart web developer

[22:47] so over it like after there's a really weird scene of the two of them kind of

[22:52] flirting i guess a lot of it's like cutting each their faces

[22:56] and each time it cuts to his face it looks like he's doing some other kind of

[22:59] weird sexy face in the mirror

[23:02] like this one is kind of coy this one's like kind of weird with his eyes open

[23:06] like it's super strange

[23:08] and uh... eventually gets the point where he's he's just gotta have it

[23:12] he can't you know he can't

[23:14] he can't forgive his aching groin

[23:16] so he he started to make a move you know she wants it

[23:20] and she she was there she says no many many times before he eventually does

[23:24] she say no she like pushes him off and she's like no get off of me this is

[23:28] wrong no please i don't want this i'm married i've told you many times no

[23:33] enough times

[23:34] to make everyone in the audience go okay

[23:37] yet this is a this is going to be a rape scene we don't want to see this we do

[23:41] please stop not funny that's not funny

[23:43] stop laughing

[23:46] so until and then he he says very calmly

[23:49] okay so you can say you resisted

[23:52] before they then proceed to make out and totally do it which is weird because

[23:55] who's she gonna say she resisted to like the press the pilot

[24:00] the pilot

[24:03] the pilot was coming back to give them the little

[24:05] the little wing pin

[24:07] like i'll just

[24:09] he like slowly backs back into the cockpit

[24:11] i resisted

[24:15] i resisted

[24:18] so she totally does it with this dude she cries she takes a long shower and

[24:22] then she gets in a fight with her husband i guess

[24:25] and then she calls him up again

[24:27] and yeah she can't she can't she can't apparently she's just got her normal urges

[24:32] they're totally normal urges and she goes uh... you know do what your body wants

[24:35] and then they do it some more and they get in a fight and then they do it some more

[24:39] but like it is bad news

[24:41] from the get go yeah like right away you know this is not going to be a great relationship

[24:46] the second time they're together

[24:48] she's drinking wine he's like here have this

[24:50] she's like oh i'm okay with wine

[24:53] and he's like

[24:54] no have this and then she snorts cocaine people but it's no way

[24:59] the whole thing is weirdly framed so you have to just

[25:02] infer that it's cocaine they never show what he's giving her they just show her being like

[25:08] like we can't afford even fake cocaine in this movie so you're just going to have to pretend

[25:14] and meanwhile you know uh... her mom's in town

[25:18] she's like the reverend

[25:21] you don't call me at six a.m. to

[25:23] pray anymore which is

[25:25] in her defense i wouldn't call a reverend to pray at six o'clock that's crazy

[25:29] that's really early and the reverend's like

[25:32] you don't cook for your man

[25:34] that's also weird

[25:35] the reverend shows up to really support some retrograde notions about marriage

[25:41] basically to shame her daughter into subservience

[25:44] uh... but anyway meanwhile

[25:49] and this husband her daughter's not supporting

[25:51] is getting in this weird adventure with moesha

[25:56] who gets a job at his pharmacy

[25:58] it turns out moesha had a bad boyfriend and is on the run from him so she gets a job at a pharmacy

[26:05] uh... there's a husband they were married

[26:08] oh they were married i didn't know that part

[26:10] i was a little too focused on the

[26:12] kind of sassy old white lady who owns the pharmacy and is always trying to get them to like take some valium

[26:19] trying to get him to take valium trying to infer that moesha is a lesbian

[26:23] grabbing a ton of hard candy from the jar up front and putting her purse

[26:28] she's a real character guys watch out for that one

[26:32] i think there's a role like that for you in the upcoming tyler perry movie

[26:36] bad pharmacy owner

[26:38] so uh... tyler perry is a bad pharmacy owner

[26:43] pharmacy zoner? she zones pharmacies?

[26:47] would she be like a city planner or something?

[26:50] she'd be terrible at that

[26:51] she's a council member okay? there's already eight pharmacies on this block

[26:56] we can't have another one

[26:57] so thank tyler perry for being a bad pharmacy zoner

[27:02] smash cut to our heroine judith

[27:05] who is uh... hanging out with her new boyfriend harley

[27:09] they're doing a bunch of coke they're going to these weird sex parties where

[27:12] everybody's kind of like a sex zombie

[27:14] uh... i think they were just nightclubs

[27:18] that's uh...

[27:19] wait a minute

[27:20] it's not like any nightclub i've ever seen where you just wander in and people start grabbing at you

[27:25] yeah sex zombies because

[27:28] the husband who is a very handsome man comes in and is immediately clawed at by

[27:33] some... he's like pushing women down

[27:36] probably pushing men down who knows man it's the nineties

[27:38] so uh...

[27:40] stewart

[27:41] i've got some bad news for you

[27:43] we'll go over that in the podcast

[27:45] so after that they

[27:47] does she go home with her husband or does she have a conversation with him?

[27:51] she's like sorry dude get back in your old timey truck

[27:54] i don't need you she's like you're you're you're you're a great guy but i need

[27:59] like an exceptional guy

[28:00] yeah that's the other weird thing i mean that's kind of a compliment still right

[28:04] yeah i mean i don't think she hates him or anything she's just uh... you know

[28:07] she says the other guy makes her feel alive

[28:10] she just wants to feel alive

[28:12] and she feels dead inside when she's with her husband

[28:15] yeah because that makes sense i mean he forgets her fun and he's kind of slapping

[28:19] he's not into weird slap sex and he forgot her birthday two years in a row

[28:24] but i do want to mention the uh... the very deft uh...

[28:28] film choice of

[28:30] of the dichotomy between the snake's car and the uh...

[28:34] husband's car

[28:36] so the snake's car is like red ferrari

[28:39] and the husband's car is like

[28:42] old timey truck with a hay bale in the back

[28:45] you know there's like a hay bale in the back

[28:47] how long have they been in the city they've still got hay in the back of the truck

[28:53] it's the most obvious it's one of the more obvious country versus city mouse

[28:57] situation next to like sweet home alabama anyway but i think we're getting to the

[29:01] shocking twist which i think you should uh...

[29:04] drop the bomb on us how can i tell this in the best way so

[29:08] so she's going crazy on coke getting in fights with this dude all the time

[29:11] because it turns out he's not actually that great of a boyfriend big surprise

[29:14] uh... meanwhile across town

[29:17] her husband is having dinner with moesha

[29:20] this was the exact scene that haley was forced to say

[29:23] this movie's got a lot of great booties in it

[29:26] so moesha

[29:29] forced at booty point

[29:30] uh... moesha's explaining to

[29:32] bryce his name's bryce right that's an awesome name

[29:36] she's explained to bryce about her former relationship and how

[29:40] her asshole ex-husband

[29:42] gave her hiv from sleeping around and it's partly her fault i guess for

[29:46] sticking around while she knew he was cheating

[29:48] and then she the big reveal she explains her husband's name is harley

[29:53] our very own snake man character

[29:56] bryce is like no way my wife's with that snake man so he jumps into his

[30:00] uh... they drive over there he kicks down the door

[30:02] finds all i passed out and beat up

[30:04] yet meanwhile harley has been beat like this shit out of judith

[30:08] and left her in a bathtub so she doesn't bleed all over the nice carpet

[30:12] so that means thoughtful

[30:14] uh... to the carpet after he gets uh... so bryce rescues his wife

[30:19] uh... she's super happy of course

[30:21] uh... and then he wakes up harley only to do a patented goldberg spear to him

[30:27] through the window

[30:29] uh... beats him up a little bit and moe's like no you're killing him and he's like blah blah blah

[30:33] he's probably already dead inside i don't remember

[30:35] and then he storms out leaves the uh...

[30:38] i guess soon to be dead web developer on the ground

[30:41] and uh... at this point uh...

[30:44] three-quarters of our

[30:46] uh... main characters have AIDS

[30:48] and by the way i'm sorry i'm not trying to be dated but do you really want to bust

[30:53] like throw a guy through a window and embrace him

[30:57] when he has AIDS

[30:59] when you're going through a glass

[31:02] sure you should put on a wetsuit or leather gloves or something what are you saying

[31:07] i don't want to misquote you but what you're saying haley is

[31:10] if you were going to beat up someone with AIDS

[31:13] i'd put on a hazmat suit

[31:16] alright well chasers are readily available one of each one of those

[31:19] that was a joke

[31:21] you guys

[31:21] that was a joke it was for humor purposes

[31:25] it's for humor purposes only

[31:29] uh... so yeah so we flash forward so at that point we're like okay i guess this is the

[31:33] whole story wonderful and it cuts to the marriage counselor that we remember from

[31:38] the beginning

[31:39] still talking to her patient

[31:42] i guess

[31:44] and her patient's like

[31:45] thank you so much for telling me this super boring story i guess was such a dick that he

[31:51] stormed out of this session but

[31:53] no she was still fantasizing about another guy and she's like now i won't go off with him

[31:58] i see so you've slut shamed me into not going off with this guy i guess the devils is what they are

[32:02] i don't want to get AIDS so i won't go off with him

[32:05] yeah so and then and we find out that in truth

[32:09] we realize the hero from the story judith is actually the marriage counselor

[32:13] who was telling us this story

[32:15] she goes to the same exact pharmacy that her husband works at but it turns out her

[32:19] husband

[32:20] it's not her husband anymore he has a new family he has a new decent god-fearing woman

[32:25] who doesn't have AIDS presumably we don't know that for sure dan

[32:30] we know that he doesn't because the therapist asked her

[32:34] oh yeah but we do find out that judith in fact has AIDS has HIV at least

[32:39] so uh... the moral of the story is

[32:43] stay with your boring

[32:46] non-interesting sex having husband who forgets your birthday

[32:50] uh... and who fears god

[32:53] because otherwise you're going to get AIDS

[32:55] or forget your wife's birthday all you want you're gonna trade up on a much

[32:59] younger wife who doesn't have AIDS and it's going to be great

[33:03] so do you guys think he owned the pharmacy at the end?

[33:07] well he had a lot of gray hair so that gray hair probably came from business

[33:11] ownership

[33:12] i didn't see the other old lady

[33:15] she probably OD'd on Valium

[33:18] i think if you look hard enough you can probably see there's a ghost in the background

[33:23] that's the kind of eye for detail that tyler perry usually has

[33:26] speaking of tyler perry's directorial stamp

[33:29] can i just say

[33:31] this is a

[33:33] uh... this is a uh... almost two hour movie

[33:36] a hundred and ten minutes

[33:38] uh... could easily have been eighty

[33:40] twenty five

[33:41] you've taken out all of the pregnant pauses

[33:45] that were false pregnancies if you will

[33:49] because they were just uh... yeah the rhythm of this movie was way off

[33:55] like and

[33:56] you know a lot of those pauses came in the flirtation scenes and okay i can

[33:59] forgive that a little bit

[34:01] but there was also a lot of scenes of like

[34:02] oh two characters just awkwardly walking up a flight of stairs and like fumbling

[34:06] with a lock yeah let's keep that one

[34:08] all that's gold

[34:10] no you don't need to just show the car arriving and then show them inside

[34:15] you gotta show them going up

[34:16] all of those stairs

[34:18] for you to really understand the temptation that this wife is facing

[34:21] you're gonna need really long scenes of her work environment and see her

[34:26] co-workers kind of shaming her into wearing sluttier clothes

[34:31] just long scenes of her staring at a guy and him staring back at her

[34:34] and him talking as slowly as possible well at least i can accept that because that's like

[34:38] that's some kind of awkward attempt to recreate flirtation in a movie which

[34:43] that's the way you get ladies

[34:45] that's how i do it is uh... i basically do a lot of mugging

[34:50] and uh... snake charming

[34:52] literal mugging

[34:54] what?

[34:55] i have your purse go on a date with me please

[34:59] i can probably find out either your current address or a past address

[35:03] so i'll send you a love note

[35:07] and you can stuff a note in your purse

[35:08] and leave it on your doorstep

[35:11] the cash will be gone

[35:13] well that's what paid for the note

[35:16] okay man we uh... wow that was a tight summary we just did

[35:21] front to back no jokes no tangents nothing funny

[35:24] nothing funny so uh... what else do you have to say about this dan how do you

[35:29] feel tyler perry held up his end of this contract between you and him

[35:34] me and him as a viewer uh...

[35:39] this movie did not only anger me on a

[35:43] on a movie

[35:44] level a movie uh... craft level well you grew up with parents or a parent who was

[35:49] involved in the church right? you grew up with tyler perry right?

[35:54] yeah we were best buddies

[35:56] uh... we were the inspiration for lethal weapon

[36:01] they took some liberties with their story

[36:03] yeah exactly you're kind of a riggs figure

[36:07] i mean i

[36:08] i mean i had religious

[36:10] you know i grew up in a religious family but not

[36:14] a weirdly retrograde family that insists that the women

[36:18] so your parents don't insist on your wife cooking for you

[36:21] servicing you three times a week it was? at least three times a week

[36:25] uh... yeah i don't this this movie upset me i think we should just go on to

[36:30] the final judge

[36:31] we should talk about whether this was a good bad movie a bad bad movie

[36:35] or a movie we kind of liked i think you know where i stand it was a bad bad movie it was

[36:39] bad in craft it was bad in message

[36:42] hallie what do you have to say

[36:44] i have to be honest i was really excited to watch this movie i had seen it

[36:50] mostly because k.k. was in it

[36:52] kim kardashian won

[36:54] k. off from being very unfortunate

[36:58] but

[37:00] no i had seen the preview somewhere and i was like hey i wouldn't admit it but i'd love

[37:05] to see that movie

[37:06] uh... and then uh... break a box of wine

[37:10] and throughout it i kept feeling like

[37:12] uh... you were being punished for that thought

[37:15] yeah that god was punishing me for ever being tempted with this movie

[37:21] uh... so no i

[37:23] i thought it was a bad bad movie also

[37:26] i feel like i'm going to side with you guys but i feel like it

[37:30] if it had been a little bit tighter if it hadn't been quite so long

[37:34] i think it might have been a good bad movie because it's so stupid and so hammy

[37:40] it's very ham-fisted in its message

[37:43] for sure

[37:44] and the idea of punishing all the bad characters with hiv

[37:49] is so crazy it's such a crazy leap

[37:53] uh... yeah the twist is so strange

[37:56] but they didn't punish malicia

[37:57] she was okay

[37:59] or was she

[38:01] i mean she never found out

[38:02] i mean she's still alive at the end of the movie because i think she's still

[38:05] working at that pharmacy

[38:06] that's a good job you know probably

[38:08] i mean once he took it over he probably offers benefits to all of his employees

[38:14] so i guess that's three bad bad movies

[38:17] so i'm sorry everybody

[38:19] uh...

[38:21] what's the next thing we do dan?

[38:24] great segway stewart

[38:26] the next thing we do

[38:27] is uh... we answer letters from listeners

[38:30] listeners like you

[38:35] what was that dan?

[38:39] letters from listeners like you

[38:40] you're not even doing a letter song? i can't

[38:46] three half-hearted letter songs

[38:50] we get letters

[38:51] great thanks

[38:54] so uh... before we get to letters

[38:58] you're going to reach deep into that mailbag

[39:00] a quick thanks uh... we get a fair number of donations from

[39:04] fans

[39:05] uh... and i've fallen down on

[39:08] hard times

[39:10] i've fallen down when it comes to recognizing all of the donations but i did want to

[39:15] uh... send a quick thanks to robert dunstan

[39:18] for his ridiculously

[39:20] generous

[39:21] donation

[39:22] he sent us

[39:23] a ridiculous amount

[39:26] but thanks robert he's not getting any of that back

[39:28] thank you

[39:30] what's that beeping noise?

[39:34] is someone at the door?

[39:37] something's about to get edited out

[39:40] uh...

[39:41] we don't edit this

[39:44] so dan's going to reach deep into the mailbag grab onto a nice juicy letter

[39:48] and pull it out

[39:50] the first letter

[39:52] is titled a spookily good bad thank you

[39:55] it's from mary kate

[39:58] she says to avoid the olsen twins

[40:00] jokes that have plagued me most of my life, she will not withhold her last name or ran.

[40:09] I discovered your podcast with your first mention in the AV Club and quickly became a

[40:12] flop house evangelist. I even started a church, but that was more for tax purposes.

[40:18] I know other fans have written in and said your podcast has been a bright point in tough times,

[40:22] and I have to say the same. Things are great now, but that summer was particularly rough.

[40:26] Dreaming of a world of tomorrow that contained a rocket crocodile

[40:30] or craving a box of Chopin gotables made for a wonderful welcome distraction.

[40:36] But I was also lucky enough to catch your 12-round screening. Afterward, I went up to Dan

[40:40] and mentioned I was visiting from Cincinnati on business, but I stayed an extra day for the

[40:44] screening. Dan looked at me like I was crazy. To be fair, I had had a few drinks, was wearing

[40:50] a party dress, carrying a to-go box of leftover risotto, and was alone. I had brought a friend,

[40:54] but she had to leave during the intermission. I swear to God I have friends.

[40:58] Spoiler alert, the screening was the highlight of an awesome trip that included a lot of theater

[41:02] and comedy. Anyhoo, thanks. The flop house is now one of my main sources for laughs.

[41:07] More than any TV show or good-bad pun, my boyfriend throws at me.

[41:10] Oh, I've also indoctrinated your podcast. I think he's a keeper. Cheers from Mary Kate.

[41:16] I apologize for looking at you like you were crazy.

[41:19] Yeah, Dan gets pretty defensive at those live screens.

[41:22] I don't get defensive at it. I'm just awkward. I'm awkward in real life with people I actually

[41:28] know. Dan can't believe anybody actually likes him, so if you're giving him praise,

[41:34] that's how he'll look at you. I mean, yeah, particularly a stranger.

[41:37] Yeah, he thinks he's being gaslighted or something.

[41:40] But thank you for that. Gaslit? Gaslight? I don't know.

[41:46] I thought that was a nice tale of a live flop house encounter.

[41:51] Sure. You're going to tell us a tale of temptation being tempted by Dan McCoy in a flop house.

[41:57] Luckily, this one ended up pretty positive, I guess.

[42:01] There's a boyfriend. This letter is called Stuart's Influence.

[42:06] Hey, dudes. I was recently doing some online shopping on Amazon, looking to add more films

[42:12] to my ever-expanding collection. While looking over my wish list, I realized I still had the

[42:17] Head of the Family DVD there, thinking, why not?

[42:20] To my wish list, wishing that somebody would buy it for me.

[42:24] Thinking, why not? I added it to my cart along with numerous other

[42:27] spookily good-bad movies, Avenged Horizon among them.

[42:31] After I made my purchase, moments later, a list of films recommended to me based on what I had

[42:36] bought popped up. The list read as follows. Castle Freak, Invisible Maniac, Doll Man,

[42:44] and Doll Man vs. Demonic Toys. I'm just letting Stuart know that his taste in film is clearly

[42:49] influencing America's purchases. Or, you know, it could be that they're all Full Moon movies,

[42:54] either or. Signed, Sarah, last name withheld. Congratulations, you're a taste maker.

[43:03] I think Full Moon features President Charles Band is probably indebted to me or something.

[43:09] The first couple times I've seen Castle Freak and Head of the Family paired together,

[43:18] that's when I really knew that I've had an affair.

[43:22] Why are we all just watching Dan's cat smell boots?

[43:25] Because he's smelling my boots and he's smelling my cat. She is smelling my cat.

[43:32] Yeah, I mean, honestly, Stuart, your story about Charles Band or whatever is pretty good.

[43:38] It's pretty bullshit.

[43:39] I mean, looking at my cat, looking at Hallie's boots is pretty great.

[43:46] I hope that you, the podcast listener, is having as much fun.

[43:50] Imagine a pair of boots soggy from the snow.

[43:53] Yeah, imagine a pair of tiny bean boots that fit on Hallie's tiny elf feet.

[44:00] Imagine a giant fat cat.

[44:03] Perplexed by a human with such small feet.

[44:08] Yep.

[44:09] Still carrying ice crystals from the snowy walkway.

[44:12] Actually, Lulu's having a field day with three different pairs of boots right now.

[44:21] So this has been the Boot House. Check us out for all your boot-related needs.

[44:26] Big boots, small boots.

[44:28] Pick up our cats and boots calendar.

[44:31] It's discounted now that we're a few weeks into 2014.

[44:36] Yeah, so we're practically paying you to take it.

[44:40] So I hope that answers your question, if you had a question, which I can't remember.

[44:47] So this next letter is titled, trying to introduce my mom to the Flophouse.

[44:52] Okay, first mistake.

[44:54] My mom asked me, what's a podcast?

[44:58] So I do my best to describe subscription-based audio files,

[45:03] and it's going well enough until I start talking about some of my favorite shows.

[45:07] She likes movies, so I mention the Flophouse, and she's on board.

[45:11] I then make the mistake of mentioning the infamous Ding Dong Gate controversy

[45:16] about the film Castle Freak, where the titular freak may or may not rip off his own ding dong,

[45:21] at which point we have a massive communication failure.

[45:24] She thinks I'm describing a man stealing a Hostess brand snack cake from someone else,

[45:28] or maybe eating his own snack cake, and then blaming someone else for the rip-off.

[45:33] It was at this point I realized I may be too far immersed in the Flophouse vernacular,

[45:38] because the homophones never occurred to me.

[45:41] Bradley, last name withheld.

[45:45] Yeah, so I think you're...

[45:47] There's definitely a couple points where you went wrong there.

[45:50] I think describing something you really like using a drunken steward explaining why he

[45:58] likes the movie Castle Freak is because he misremembers a dude ripping his own dick off.

[46:03] It's probably a key moment where you messed up.

[46:06] I mean, I don't know why.

[46:07] That would be something that you would share with your mom.

[46:09] Yeah, that's what usually gets this podcast filed in iTunes under Not For Moms.

[46:16] My parents listen to this podcast, and it is a never-ending source of alarm to me.

[46:22] My mom occasionally posts on the Flophouse Facebook page.

[46:25] Did I just say Flophouse, and you didn't fuck with me that time?

[46:27] Dang, come on.

[46:29] I'm not a monster like that, Stuart.

[46:31] Every time she does, it's really great, and it usually doesn't have any punctuation,

[46:36] but she's an English teacher.

[46:37] I don't get it.

[46:39] What about your mom?

[46:40] Does she listen to Flophouse?

[46:41] My mom is a professor, and one time...

[46:44] She's not a professor.

[46:45] It's my mom.

[46:47] She's a teacher, but she teaches some grad school class.

[46:53] No, I'm sorry.

[46:54] She's a therapist, but she teaches some grad school classes.

[46:57] Okay, she sells shoes.

[46:58] She's a psychologist.

[47:00] She's a psychoanalyst.

[47:02] Hello, my mom.

[47:04] Okay, so she teaches these grad school classes, and she said that in Denver, Colorado...

[47:10] Of all places.

[47:11] Yeah, very far away from the Big Apple, New York City.

[47:16] New York City, as they would say in a salsa.

[47:19] Yeah.

[47:20] A salsa, yeah, a baseball county salsa.

[47:22] And apparently, one of her students in a big lecture...

[47:26] I don't know that for sure.

[47:27] I made that up.

[47:28] It might have been a small class.

[47:29] Approached her and said,

[47:32] Do you really have a mom?

[47:34] Are you...

[47:35] Did I hear your daughter, who has the same last name as you, on this podcast?

[47:39] And it was this podcast.

[47:41] Which is super weird, because you write for the Daily Show.

[47:45] Your name's in the credits on a show every night.

[47:47] I don't think anyone looks at that.

[47:49] Oh, okay.

[47:50] Especially since, I would say, 90% of the time, the show runs long and the credits get cut off.

[47:56] Or they run at, like, 100 miles per hour.

[48:00] Yeah.

[48:01] So somebody has to be watching it super carefully to see Dan McCoy listed.

[48:06] It looks more like Burt Storch.

[48:12] So this last letter is titled,

[48:14] I found my hat.

[48:16] We did it.

[48:18] I had written a couple of months back about losing my hat during a move.

[48:22] The move was from Chicago to Mount Prospect, in case you were wondering.

[48:26] Q Elliot's saying, nope, he's not here.

[48:29] Well, I finally found the hat inside a box in the basement that my girlfriend never unpacked.

[48:33] Because all of mine are...

[48:35] She never unpacked a basement?

[48:37] No, the box in the basement.

[48:39] She's not lazy or anything.

[48:41] Although sometimes I'm mowing the lawn and I know she's just watching True Blood inside.

[48:44] And I'm like, God, come on, woman.

[48:46] But I guess she just never got around to these boxes.

[48:48] And now that she found a spider in the basement, she won't go through the boxes.

[48:52] Anyway...

[48:54] You can't unpack the boxes?

[48:56] She's solely responsible for unpacking the boxes?

[48:58] Specifically her.

[48:59] I think if we're breaking down responsibilities,

[49:02] his responsibility is box unpacking and lawn mowing.

[49:05] And hers is True Blood, I guess, fan page maintenance?

[49:09] Somebody is gonna watch it.

[49:11] Gotta watch it.

[49:12] She probably writes for television without pity or something.

[49:14] You gotta watch that True Blood.

[49:16] Anyway, he says, I would have written in and said, thanks for the help.

[49:19] But you didn't really do anything.

[49:21] I did all the work, but I didn't want to let you know.

[49:23] Closed the loop, you know?

[49:25] Okay, cool.

[49:25] See you.

[49:26] John, last name with help.

[49:28] Didn't we do anything?

[49:30] Didn't we, John?

[49:31] Didn't we?

[49:33] I mean, we did.

[49:34] Hallie didn't really do anything.

[49:36] No.

[49:36] She's probably cooling her heels.

[49:38] Hallie's wondering why we're talking about a guy who lost his hat.

[49:42] Okay, let me explain.

[49:44] This guy, John, he lost his hat and he needed us to find it.

[49:46] So we read a letter about it on the internet.

[49:49] And people listened and they wrote about it on the Facebook page, I guess?

[49:52] I don't know.

[49:52] Flash forward to now, hat found.

[49:55] Congratulations, Flophouse.

[49:57] We did it.

[49:58] We did it, boys.

[50:00] That was a high-five sound effect.

[50:03] Cut to everyone at Mission Control standing up and cheering.

[50:07] Crying.

[50:08] Popping bottles.

[50:10] So yeah, that was Letters.

[50:13] Wait, what else did we fucking do here?

[50:15] Come on, man.

[50:16] This is the new studio. I'm all messed up.

[50:17] Get it together.

[50:18] Oh, so we talk about movies we actually liked.

[50:20] So we just watched Temptation, a story of Tyler Perry's marriage.

[50:24] Now we're going to talk about movies that you should watch

[50:28] probably instead of Temptation.

[50:31] Dan.

[50:32] Oh, why did you go to me first?

[50:34] Stuart.

[50:36] I can go first, but as we said at the beginning of the show,

[50:42] I moved just recently.

[50:45] Yeah, from one apartment to another apartment.

[50:47] In a new apartment, which means that I have not had a chance really to watch movies.

[50:53] Okay.

[50:54] So there's no new movies.

[50:56] Making a moving of your own.

[51:01] Classic.

[51:02] Classic word association.

[51:06] I will say, though, I will recommend another form of visual media.

[51:14] You saw a bunch of funny memes on the Internet?

[51:17] There was a really good Herb and Jamal comic strip.

[51:23] Hey, Overboard, what's up with those pirates, huh?

[51:26] I want to recommend I watched the first couple episodes of the HBO show True Detective.

[51:33] Okay.

[51:34] And I really enjoy it.

[51:36] You like that McConaughey, right?

[51:38] I like that McConaughey and that Woody Harrelson.

[51:40] And it's interesting to think this too.

[51:44] That's a whistle sound effect, I guess.

[51:46] Were you wolf whistling there?

[51:47] Both of them.

[51:48] Okay.

[51:49] Meow.

[51:50] I think.

[51:52] It's interesting that both of those guys, I think, are guys that when they first started out, people liked them fine.

[52:00] But they wouldn't have been like those guys.

[52:02] That white man can't jump.

[52:04] They're going to turn out to be superstars.

[52:08] But now they're a little older, they're a little grayer.

[52:12] They're super great.

[52:14] They're super great actors.

[52:16] Yeah, I mean, they have experience at this point.

[52:18] Matthew McConaughey has been on a hot streak.

[52:20] But I think that that's the main thing to recommend.

[52:23] I mean, the show is good on its own.

[52:25] There's a lot of actually pretty funny stuff in that show for how grim it is.

[52:29] Yeah.

[52:30] Like the weird odd couple pairing between Matthew McConaughey, who's a super existentialist grim guy,

[52:39] and then Woody Harrelson, who's playing Woody Harrelson.

[52:42] But mostly just the acting on it is really fun to watch.

[52:47] Yeah, I recommend that.

[52:48] It's shot really well, and I'm a sucker for references to The King in Yellow and Los Carcosa.

[52:54] Sure.

[52:55] You know, Lovecraftian mythos stuff.

[52:57] Okay.

[52:58] Okay.

[52:59] Yeah.

[53:00] Stuart, what about you?

[53:02] I recently watched a movie that is probably going to be in my best of 2013 list that Dan's super waiting for.

[53:12] It was Your Next, which is kind of a play on – well, it is a home invasion movie

[53:21] and also kind of a play on a home invasion movie.

[53:24] And it stars – it features a lot of – what is it?

[53:29] Adam – I don't know.

[53:30] Adam Wingard, I think, is the director.

[53:32] And it's a whole bunch of these, like, indie horror filmmakers that have been throwing out a lot of movies nowadays.

[53:40] Adam – or, no, Joe Swanberg, Ty West is in it.

[53:45] And it's got a great cast, and the cast is kind of larger than I initially expected, being that it was a low-budget movie.

[53:54] And it is – it's kind of deliberate.

[53:58] It takes its time.

[53:59] They managed to put a fair amount of comedy in there.

[54:02] And I don't want to go so far as to say that it's almost like a scream-level take on a horror movie,

[54:07] but it does feel a little bit like a – almost like a postmodernist home invasion horror movie.

[54:14] So check it out. It's fun.

[54:16] All right, and I've confirmed that you are correct in the name of the director.

[54:19] Yes.

[54:20] Two points to Gryffindor.

[54:22] I did it.

[54:24] All because I rescued Hagrid.

[54:26] Allie, do you have a recommendation?

[54:30] I will say, if you're looking for a bad-good movie, Lovelace is in – Lovelace?

[54:39] Lovelace?

[54:40] Lovelace.

[54:42] As in Linda Lovelace?

[54:43] Yes.

[54:44] Is free on some form of watching stuff.

[54:48] It's Netflix streaming.

[54:49] Yeah.

[54:50] And I watched it the other day, and, you know, it definitely has really stuck with me.

[54:58] I found a lot of moments in my life that I'm like, oh, that reminds me of this movie I just watched,

[55:03] which makes me think, like, maybe I should get out of the porn industry,

[55:08] or at least the animal porn industry.

[55:11] Just kidding.

[55:13] But the point is, good movie-ish.

[55:17] I recommend it.

[55:19] Well, did you start watching it like a 16-year-old boy would have started watching it?

[55:23] Because you're like, oh, this is a movie about porno, and it's on late at night, so I'm going to watch it.

[55:28] Or did you watch it because you're like, I love Amanda Seyfried.

[55:31] I started watching with boys who were like, oh, my God, this would be so funny if we watched this movie.

[55:38] Wouldn't it be so bad?

[55:39] But really, I think probably the 16-year-old boy approach.

[55:43] That's the genesis of the Flophouse right there, by the way.

[55:47] I think these boys need to be more honest about their – come on, man, just be upfront.

[55:52] Be upfront about your goals.

[55:55] You need to have, like, a pervazoid rap session where you flip your baseball cap around and flip your chair around.

[56:01] Like, have a seat, guys.

[56:02] Let's talk about your movie watching.

[56:04] Everyone likes to see naked people, all right?

[56:06] That's cool.

[56:07] Yeah, a lot of beautiful naked people.

[56:10] So watch it.

[56:14] Interesting recommendation.

[56:16] So we had a couple of movies we recommended.

[56:19] We had a couple of laps.

[56:21] We talked about a movie for a while, listened to some letters.

[56:26] So, Allie, what are we going to do to stop the tyranny of Elliot from returning to our shores?

[56:38] Please don't go.

[56:40] Please.

[56:41] Well, if ever you need me, just call, and I will be there.

[56:47] Because you're down the hall from me.

[56:49] Exactly.

[56:50] So we put up the Hallie sign in the night sky.

[56:55] Can you describe the Hallie sign for us?

[56:57] It's like a girl, like, with her chin on her hands being like, hey.

[57:03] That is totally the Hallie sign.

[57:04] That's the Hallie sign.

[57:07] Well, thank you for stepping in so bravely.

[57:11] Filling a hole.

[57:13] Arguably small hole.

[57:15] Yeah, well, Elliot selfishly –

[57:17] Chicken grease smelling hole.

[57:19] Selfishly decided to breathe.

[57:21] Yeah, he brought new life into the world.

[57:24] Yeah, big deal.

[57:25] Anyone could do that.

[57:27] Come on, bag it.

[57:29] Bag it, everybody.

[57:30] Actually, I saw his baby.

[57:32] It's pretty cute.

[57:33] Not it, he.

[57:36] Yeah, that's true.

[57:37] It's pretty small still.

[57:39] Sure, it could go either way.

[57:41] You don't know.

[57:42] We're going to leave it up to it to make the choice.

[57:46] We don't know.

[57:47] We're a post-gender society at this point.

[57:51] Well, there's the potential for offense in this.

[57:55] Yeah, no, it's been great.

[57:56] Yeah, so we should probably sign off for the flop house.

[58:02] I've been Dan McCoy.

[58:03] That's how we do it.

[58:04] And I've been Stuart Wellington.

[58:06] And I've been and will continue to be Hallie Haglund.

[58:11] Good night, everyone.

[58:12] Yay.

[58:13] Yay, good night, everybody.

[58:15] I miss you.

[58:16] I miss you.

[58:24] Do we need to do any promotion of T-shirts?

[58:27] I'd like to promote my T-shirt.

[58:30] I don't think there's been a lot of talk about my T-shirt.

[58:33] We'll file that in a new business.

[58:35] A friend of mine tried to order a T-shirt, and we were sold out.

[58:38] And then we weren't sold out, and she got her T-shirt.

[58:40] What?

[58:41] Good story.

[58:43] It's a regular confession of a podcaster.

[58:45] Oh, Royal.

[58:47] My friend did this thing, and it was super boring.

[58:49] She was tempted to buy a T-shirt.

The Flop House: Episode #144 - Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor

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