The Flop House: Episode #146 - BAP*S

[0:00] Because someone won a contest, and definitely not because it's Black History Month, we discuss the film BAPS.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:38] And over there is Elliot Kalin.

[0:40] And right across from me, saying that thing, is Stuart Wellington.

[0:44] And we are...

[0:45] The Flophouse!

[0:46] Podcast.

[0:47] Dear Flophouse.

[0:48] Why are we German all of a sudden?

[0:50] I don't know.

[0:51] And wouldn't it be Das Flophouse?

[0:52] And it'd be Das Floppenhausen.

[0:54] Das Floppenhausen.

[0:55] Okay, let's start all over again.

[0:57] Okay.

[0:58] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:59] I'm Elliot Wellington.

[1:01] I'm Stuart Kalin.

[1:03] And we are...

[1:04] The Floppenhaus.

[1:06] Rated R.

[1:08] It's playing at... wait, we're not doing the same bit?

[1:11] No, we're not doing that bit right now.

[1:13] Okay, so, thanks for tuning in. We're a podcast. We talk about bad movies after we watch them.

[1:19] Yep, and did we do...

[1:21] Because we tried to do it before we watched them.

[1:23] We'd be like, is this movie gonna be bad? I don't know. We don't have much to talk about.

[1:27] How was your day, fellows?

[1:29] That's what we would say.

[1:31] Talking to Julian fellows.

[1:33] So, normally we watch a newish bad movie, and by newish I mean...

[1:39] Jewish.

[1:41] A Jewish bad movie like The Yiddish Vampire or...

[1:46] A Serious Man.

[1:48] No, A Serious Man's a good movie.

[1:50] Or Dracula Dead and Loving It.

[1:52] Yeah, or Drac-Jula.

[1:54] No one wears Jewish.

[1:56] Nosferatu.

[2:00] And let's not forget a vampire in Brooklyn.

[2:02] He's in the Orthodox section of Williamsburg.

[2:05] Yeah, exactly.

[2:07] He's mostly... instead of sucking people's blood, he's mostly angry at cyclists.

[2:11] Yeah, well, here's the problem. It's not kosher to eat blood.

[2:14] But he's got to, because he's a vampire.

[2:16] And he drives a really awesome minivan hearse.

[2:18] Yeah, and his mother's always like, have you heard of my son, the vampire?

[2:23] He could have been a doctor, but no, a vampire.

[2:31] So, anyway, we normally watch a movie that is new.

[2:35] From the past year or so.

[2:37] We like to limit ourselves.

[2:39] Yeah, something new to DVD or video on demand, usually.

[2:43] But in this case, we watched a film that was requested by our contest winner.

[2:49] You may remember that we had a He's the House Cat, parentheses, Arthur's theme music video contest.

[2:55] And there were some fantastic entries.

[2:57] Amazing.

[2:58] I would call it our most successful contest.

[3:00] Based on the quality of the work provided, yes.

[3:02] But not based on the quality of the movie we had to watch.

[3:05] No, because the jerk who won the contest...

[3:08] Wow.

[3:09] Burn.

[3:10] David Burn.

[3:11] He decided that we should watch the movie BAPS.

[3:15] Hey, guys, you should watch the movie BAPS.

[3:17] David Burn winning the contest.

[3:18] Wow, that's a really good impression.

[3:20] BAPS is B asterisk, A asterisk.

[3:24] No, B period.

[3:25] B asterisk.

[3:26] Period.

[3:27] On the poster, it's asterisk.

[3:29] It's clearly...

[3:30] It's totally asterisk.

[3:31] It's initials, though.

[3:32] It's not like how Neo Tokyo is about to E dash, X dash, P dash, L dash, O dash, D dash, E dash.

[3:40] When I mean dash, I mean asterisk.

[3:42] If you look at the poster, if you go to IMDB, those are asterisks.

[3:46] So they're footnotes to the title, is what you're saying.

[3:49] All related to the same thing for some reason.

[3:51] Yeah, because otherwise it would be an asterisk, a cross, double crosses, and so forth.

[3:55] And that stands for Black American Princesses, which is something that is not explained by the movie until the very end.

[4:02] And it's not even really explained until at the end.

[4:05] Yeah.

[4:06] It's a kind of slur, as Elliot pointed out, based on a Jewish slur.

[4:12] It is the, I guess, Black version of an anti-Jewish slur, but it is used as a term of endearment at the end.

[4:18] By the vampire who dies and gives him the vampire Brooklyn.

[4:22] When Academy Award winner Martin Landau expresses his love for future Academy Award winner Halle Berry in this movie called BAPS.

[4:30] And her friend, played by...

[4:33] Actress, TBD.

[4:35] Wow, Dan.

[4:37] That's the kind of bro humor we're trying to avoid.

[4:41] I say that only in that the movie seems to only define her as Chevy friend to Halle Berry.

[4:48] They have two, each character has one.

[4:50] Okay, so there's Halle Berry and there's Natalie DeCell-Reed is the other actress.

[4:56] She went on to be America's Sweetheart.

[4:58] Thanks, Wikipedia.

[4:59] But they are best friends and they each have one character trait.

[5:02] Natalie is, no, no, she has a couple.

[5:04] Natalie plays the character of Mickey.

[5:06] Mickey is...

[5:08] So fine. She's so fine. She blows my mind.

[5:11] I didn't know you were into that.

[5:12] Yeah.

[5:13] You're like a real Martin Landau over there.

[5:17] There's Mickey who is a good cook and sassy, as they both are.

[5:22] Overweight and also prone to argue.

[5:28] And there's Niecy, played by Halle Berry, whose character trait is wants to be a fly girl.

[5:34] And that's about it.

[5:35] Also prone to argue.

[5:36] Prone to argue, sassy, and so forth.

[5:38] Now, I feel like we'll be picking our words even more carefully than during the Tyler Perry...

[5:43] I don't think we will.

[5:44] ...temptation episode.

[5:45] Well, just because, like, I think...

[5:47] Because I'm a racist.

[5:48] The movie is laying a racist trap for us by indulging in the worst racist stereotypes of like a...

[5:58] This is like a cartoon sketch comedy version of like...

[6:03] Black people.

[6:04] Yeah, like, oh, hairdressing...

[6:07] They've all got gold teeth.

[6:08] Long fingernails.

[6:09] Oh, they're all... All they want to do is dance and shake their butts and eat soul food and they have long nails.

[6:13] Yeah.

[6:14] Yeah, et cetera, et cetera.

[6:15] They got huge haircuts and they're really... They don't understand anything about anything that's supposed to be sophisticated or classy.

[6:21] Right.

[6:22] And this movie directed by Robert Townsend, the man who made Hollywood Shuffle, the comedy about how there's no good roles for black actors.

[6:28] Yeah.

[6:29] Because he took them when he was in Meteor Man.

[6:31] Yeah, sure. He took the best role.

[6:33] The guy who ended Robert Town, and so he got the name.

[6:37] Actually, it's like Howard's End, but for Robert Townsend.

[6:40] I do like the idea, though.

[6:41] It's like, oh, I'm the best Meteor Man at going to white actors.

[6:47] My turn.

[6:48] Dan, as you were mentioning while we were talking during the movie, because it was really boring,

[6:52] Robert Townsend started out and made a couple movies that got him a lot of attention,

[6:56] and since then it's been kind of a long slide with Baps in it.

[7:00] But yeah, he seems to be doing all right.

[7:02] He's getting a lot of television directing work, as many film directors are doing these days,

[7:08] and TV's where it's at, guys.

[7:10] Take it easy.

[7:11] True detective.

[7:12] This is a podcast about movies.

[7:15] Yeah.

[7:16] Okay.

[7:17] We get it. We'll watch The Wire or something.

[7:18] Anyway, and he can always rely on his brother Pete Townsend for a little bit of money every now and then.

[7:22] He patented the windmill move, so any other guitarist who does that has to pay a pretty penny.

[7:28] He says, this is what you want to do if he calls you.

[7:30] He goes, hi, this is Pete Townsend.

[7:32] You go, who?

[7:33] Get it.

[7:34] Because you want to get him to hang up as quickly as possible.

[7:37] You don't want to talk to him.

[7:38] I thought you were going to be like, hey, it's your brother.

[7:41] Your brother, Robert Townsend.

[7:43] You know that sound you've been looking for?

[7:45] About your generation?

[7:47] Anyway, should we talk about what this movie is about?

[7:49] What is he doing?

[7:50] Probably a fucking movie CD?

[7:51] What's going on?

[7:52] He's like, wait, yeah, I totally made that CD.

[7:54] I recorded that 40 years ago.

[7:57] That's my song.

[7:58] I wrote it.

[7:59] It's a song called Let My Love Open the Door.

[8:01] He's like, OK.

[8:03] Later, Pete.

[8:04] Anybody?

[8:05] Then he hangs up on his brother, Robert.

[8:07] Anyway, here's the movie.

[8:08] Fast forward to Bratz or whatever we watched.

[8:10] Baps.

[8:11] Now, Bratz and Baps have a lot in common in that the names sound similar and they're about ladies doing it for themselves.

[8:17] Masturbating?

[8:19] That's not what I meant, no.

[8:21] I mean, it's an example of ladies doing it for themselves.

[8:24] Because I've seen a lot of movies about ladies doing it for themselves.

[8:27] Yeah, I don't want to hear about those while the podcast is on.

[8:31] OK.

[8:32] I'll give you a list later.

[8:34] So Niecy and Mickey live in Georgia and they work at a soul food diner.

[8:38] They're waitresses.

[8:39] Bernie Mac runs the diner.

[8:41] Yep.

[8:42] He is a stern taskmaster.

[8:44] He stops by to depress us because he's left us.

[8:48] By reminding us of the death that would occur years later.

[8:52] In a way, every actor is reminding us of our own mortality.

[8:55] Yeah, every actor by eventually dying is just setting us up to be sad when we see the movies.

[9:01] All too human.

[9:03] Except, of course, Martin Landau, who is a vampire.

[9:06] Or a Dasmalpierre.

[9:08] He's a regular Nosferatu.

[9:10] Anyway, so they get fired because they are not particularly good.

[9:17] They don't have a good word for it.

[9:18] They get fired?

[9:19] I thought that was just the end of their shift.

[9:20] Or maybe they got docked pay or something.

[9:23] I thought they got fired.

[9:24] But anyway, they want to open the first combination hair salon and soul food restaurant.

[9:28] Because why not?

[9:29] They love hair.

[9:30] They love soul food.

[9:31] Let's make it happen.

[9:32] And they love hair getting cut and falling in people's food.

[9:35] Falling in people's, I guess, fried okra and things like that.

[9:39] Sure, your collard greens, your cornbreads.

[9:42] You've got to give in to the fantasy, Dan.

[9:44] What?

[9:45] You've got to give in to the fantasy.

[9:46] It's like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.

[9:48] You don't really think Chinese people can fly around, right?

[9:50] Yeah.

[9:51] What?

[9:52] You've just got to accept it.

[9:53] You just believe that it happens.

[9:54] Yeah.

[9:55] It's part of the...

[9:56] I think we really have saddened Dan out.

[9:58] First we show him a dead actor.

[10:00] And we talk about Grouchy Tiger and Dragon.

[10:02] All his least favorite things.

[10:04] Human mortality, the work of Ang Lee.

[10:08] Anyway, so they see an ad and hear an ad,

[10:12] and then see it again on TV for a Flygirl contest

[10:16] to be a dancer in a new Heavy D video.

[10:18] No kidding.

[10:19] World famous Heavy D?

[10:21] The heaviest.

[10:23] Mr. D himself heavy.

[10:25] Please, Mr. D lives in Florida.

[10:27] Call me Heavy.

[10:28] Is that his dick?

[10:30] Is that what's heavy?

[10:31] I don't, is that?

[10:32] Maybe a heavy dog he owns?

[10:36] Dinosaurs are pretty heavy.

[10:37] Maybe he's a dad.

[10:38] The big ones, yeah.

[10:39] Or is it like defense, like Tenacious D?

[10:41] Like Doritos?

[10:43] It's probably Doritos.

[10:45] It's got Heavy Doritos.

[10:46] And when they pulled the sponsorship,

[10:47] he just shortened it to D, yeah.

[10:49] I think it's for Dormouse, because he

[10:50] loves his favorite character from Alice in Wonderland.

[10:53] Hip hop artist, Heavy Doritos.

[10:55] Yeah, but it's for Deflator Mouse, his favorite opera.

[10:58] Yes, Deflator Mouse, Heavy Deflator Mouse.

[11:02] He's watching it, he's going, oh, this character

[11:04] would be so much better if he was heavier.

[11:07] You know what, this opera needs some soul.

[11:12] Anyway.

[11:13] OK, so something about a Heavy D video.

[11:15] So they want it.

[11:16] Would you call that a MacGuffin, Elliot?

[11:17] I would call it a MacGuffin, and I'll tell you why.

[11:20] Because it's a total waste of our time.

[11:24] So Halle Berry sees this ad.

[11:26] She says, I want to win the $10,000

[11:28] to be named Video Woman of the World, or something like that.

[11:32] They go to LA, they fly there to audition for this video,

[11:35] and the audition goes poorly.

[11:37] How poorly?

[11:37] So poorly, we're not even shown it in the film.

[11:40] We see an aftermath.

[11:42] We see them waiting on line.

[11:44] They briefly irritate the other dancers on line, cut to.

[11:47] And catch the eye of a lascivious Spaniard.

[11:52] Aren't they all, Stewart?

[11:53] Aren't they all?

[11:55] A regular puss and apostrophe boots.

[11:58] But we cut to Halle Berry and Mickey just walking out,

[12:04] and their hair is all destroyed.

[12:06] Apparently, they got into some fight

[12:08] and hit some girls with their hair.

[12:10] We don't get to see it.

[12:11] The movie deemed it not essential.

[12:13] But it's so weird.

[12:14] It's like if Star Wars, if they showed us

[12:18] them preparing for the Death Star Trench run,

[12:20] cut to them getting their medals.

[12:22] And it's like, all right, I guess

[12:23] they didn't want us to see the scene that was leading up to.

[12:26] Maybe it was because every scene up to this point

[12:29] was so chock full of jokes, they had nothing they could cut.

[12:31] And they're like, fuck it.

[12:32] Just cut this.

[12:33] You know what, we're running long on time.

[12:35] We got to cut all the scenes.

[12:37] We can't cut the seven male characters who show up

[12:41] and lick their lips and try to hit on them.

[12:44] There's one guy who you see in a club hitting

[12:52] on a girl, and then you never see him again.

[12:54] It's like, all right, I guess that was just the one.

[12:57] I thought he was going to be a character, but he's just,

[12:58] you know.

[12:59] Well, it's to add a little bit of character to this club

[13:02] to make it feel realistic, Elliot.

[13:03] Oh, to start a club where you can get hit on.

[13:06] Every time you go to a club, there's

[13:07] one guy who, while talking to one girl,

[13:09] is looking at every other wife's butt.

[13:12] Oh, so it's Dan.

[13:13] Time out.

[13:14] I think that's what he was doing, right?

[13:15] He was checking out other girls' butts, yeah.

[13:17] I don't know if they were wives, but.

[13:18] I mean, you don't know that they're not.

[13:21] That's a good point.

[13:22] We also don't see them.

[13:23] We're just assuming he's looking at women.

[13:25] No, no, the women walk by.

[13:26] Really?

[13:27] Yeah, yeah, you see women walk by.

[13:29] Anyway, it's a scene that has no bearing on what little plot

[13:31] there is in this.

[13:32] Anyway, they also have two lazy, no-account boyfriends

[13:37] who will not get off their butts and get a job.

[13:40] So they have to escape this life and go to LA.

[13:42] They fail the audition.

[13:44] Uh-oh, but luckily, that movie's not over.

[13:47] Luckily, the lusty Latin who saw them

[13:50] says, I have a job for you.

[13:52] Takes them away in a car.

[13:53] Says, are you actresses?

[13:55] Yes, of course.

[13:56] Takes them away in a car to a huge mansion, which

[13:58] we see every single room of throughout the film.

[14:01] And each room is presented to us as if we've never

[14:04] seen the inside of a mansion room before.

[14:06] And while this is happening, the music that plays over it

[14:09] is like happy puppy Dennis the Menace kids' music.

[14:13] The score in this movie makes no sense.

[14:15] It's like they just took an old Disney score.

[14:18] Silvestri scoring Milo and Otis or something.

[14:21] It's just like, whatever.

[14:22] We don't have time to finish BAPS.

[14:23] Just throw on whatever score you can grab.

[14:25] And the composer continues to work to this day, right?

[14:27] Making puppy movies or?

[14:29] Yeah, yeah, the Puppy Bowl.

[14:30] He scores every year.

[14:31] But the point is, like, all this heavy D. McGuffin is basically

[14:36] all just serves to get the BAPS to Beverly Hills

[14:39] to a rich place.

[14:40] Like, what the Beverly Hills dispenses

[14:42] with in a song at the beginning of the show

[14:45] is the first 20 minutes of this movie.

[14:46] And the scenes are not particularly trim.

[14:49] This is a slow-paced, very lackadaisical movie.

[14:52] This is a fat 90 minutes.

[14:54] Every scene has a closing joke.

[14:58] And then a good couple seconds, like, the audience

[15:00] is going to be fucking cracking up.

[15:02] They're going to be fucking rolling in the aisles.

[15:04] We've got to provide padding.

[15:06] We're going to miss all the other jokes.

[15:07] See, like the Marx Brothers, they took this out as a road

[15:10] show.

[15:11] They timed where all the laughs were.

[15:12] Yeah, Night at the BAPS-tra.

[15:15] They really, they were like, look,

[15:17] each scene's one joke is so gut-busting and hilarious

[15:20] that we better make each scene 10 to 12 minutes long.

[15:24] We turned the rest of the scene into a dramedy.

[15:27] Well, yeah, when they originally tested the movie,

[15:32] people were laughing so much that nobody

[15:34] could follow the plot.

[15:35] They had no idea what was going on.

[15:37] So they had to.

[15:38] They're like, we've got to put out a special director's cut

[15:41] that's 80, what, four minutes long?

[15:43] It's weirdly as if Robert Townsend directed it

[15:45] and then a down on his luck Michelangelo Antonioni

[15:49] edited the movie.

[15:50] It's like, longer, longer, each one, longer.

[15:52] I want more ennui in these BAPS.

[15:55] I'm surprised none of the scenes accidentally

[15:58] caught the actor just wandering off camera.

[16:01] Like, cut, OK, we can go.

[16:02] We're done, right?

[16:03] We good, Rob?

[16:04] OK, I guess I'll just keep staring at the BAPS.

[16:07] Anyway, they are brought to this mansion

[16:10] where they are told by a, I thought

[16:14] he was going to be revealed as gay, a vaguely effeminate man

[16:18] that his uncle, Martin Landau, is dying.

[16:21] And his one true love, this old man,

[16:23] was his family's black maid when he was young.

[16:26] But their love was not to be.

[16:28] The family tore them apart.

[16:29] And so now, to keep him happy in his old age,

[16:33] he wants Halle Berry to pretend to be this maid's granddaughter,

[16:37] all grown up, so that Martin Landau can, I guess,

[16:40] it's kind of never really said what he's going to get out

[16:43] of this relationship, whether it's just

[16:44] like to relive his romance or finally

[16:48] have sex with a black woman.

[16:50] It really doesn't, I'm not sure exactly what Martin Landau's

[16:54] supposed to get out of just hanging around with his

[16:56] ex-girlfriend's granddaughter.

[16:57] I think this is the first time we've actually

[16:58] had gaslighting in a movie, right?

[17:00] This is kind of real gaslighting, yeah.

[17:03] That's really awesome.

[17:03] Because it's all an elaborate ruse.

[17:06] She's not the granddaughter.

[17:07] She's not the granddaughter.

[17:08] There's a lot of culture clash comedy, comedy in quotes,

[17:12] as they meet up with the best character in the movie,

[17:16] the butler, named Manly, but who Mickey refers to as Alfred.

[17:21] No, his name is not Alfred Manly.

[17:22] It's not Alfred Manly?

[17:23] No, she calls him Alfred because he's like Batman's father.

[17:25] What, do you see his fucking birth certificate?

[17:28] Is that what they have in England?

[17:29] He seems really ruffled when they call him Alfred.

[17:31] But the most important thing to know about Manly

[17:34] is he's played by Ian Richardson, who

[17:36] was the star of the original British House of Cards.

[17:40] Timely, topical recording this, of course,

[17:43] right after the second season of Netflix's American House

[17:47] of Cards.

[17:47] Yeah, I guess BAPS must have timed it that way.

[17:50] BAPS knew we were going to be doing it now,

[17:52] so they got Ian Richardson in the movie.

[17:54] We just got to tie our fucking ship to this House of Cards

[17:58] thing, guys.

[18:00] I will give it this.

[18:00] Rock it.

[18:01] You think Kevin Spacey's going to go on to make a BAPS 2?

[18:04] Oh, of course, yeah.

[18:05] It's going to be the American version of BAPS, right?

[18:07] It's set in America.

[18:08] It's a Gritty BAPS reboot, and Kevin Spacey will be BAPS.

[18:11] Sure, it has BAPS sitting on a ledge staring

[18:14] at their fist in the rain.

[18:17] BAPS Man Begins.

[18:18] Yeah, BAPS Man Begins, of course,

[18:20] and Ratfinger BAPS Boo.

[18:24] That's the Ray Dennis Bapsler version.

[18:26] Anyway, so I will say this for Ian Richardson.

[18:29] Like all British actors in crappy movies,

[18:31] he does a professional job and gives it his all.

[18:34] He is up for it.

[18:35] There's one scene I genuinely laughed

[18:36] at where he was trying to get the attention of a clerk

[18:39] in a CD store, and for one second, that was funny.

[18:43] Nice work, the late Ian Richardson.

[18:46] Is he still alive?

[18:47] I'm not sure about that.

[18:49] I think he died when the House of Cards fell on him.

[18:52] Ian Richardson, just email us if you're OK, how you're doing.

[18:55] It's at flophouse at theflophouse.flophouse.edu

[18:59] slash gov.

[19:00] Just email us at obituaries at theflophouse.

[19:02] Dot B, dot A, dot P, S.

[19:06] Email us at dot com.

[19:07] Email us at ianrichardsonimalive,

[19:10] don't worry about me, at theflophouse.baps slash

[19:15] googleimagesearch.geocities, rated R.

[19:21] So anyway, they're going to be part

[19:23] of this gaslighting plot meanwhile.

[19:26] So we think this Butler character

[19:27] is going to be like the foil.

[19:29] He's going to be the bad guy.

[19:30] No, but it turns out he's the rigid anti-black person who

[19:35] gets won over and decides that he really likes them.

[19:37] Almost immediately.

[19:39] After he stands up against the soul food.

[19:43] They cook soul food for Martin Landau, who it turns out

[19:45] is the old man.

[19:46] He's apeshit for it.

[19:47] And now, remember, this is a couple of years

[19:49] after Martin Landau won an Academy Award playing

[19:52] Bela Lugosi in Ed Wood.

[19:53] This is 40 years after he was in North by Northwest.

[19:58] It's three years after he won an Academy Award, and now.

[20:00] He's bapsin' it up, just doing the old man

[20:03] given a new jump on life by younger person routine.

[20:07] It's terrible.

[20:09] Although.

[20:10] There's a scene where he is asking Halle Berry's character

[20:12] about, basically about her grandmother who doesn't exist,

[20:17] or I guess exists but isn't her grandmother.

[20:19] And the difference in Martin Landau's subtlety,

[20:23] his line delivery, and Halle Berry's over-the-top

[20:26] comedic stuttering.

[20:27] Over-the-top stuffing food in her mouth

[20:29] so she can't be understood, you know.

[20:31] I thought you were going to go to the fact

[20:33] that there is a scene where Martin Landau, of course,

[20:35] goes out on a shopping spree with the baps.

[20:37] I mean, no, that's the scene that I assume

[20:41] was, that you need that scene.

[20:42] That's the obligatory scene.

[20:43] Yeah, when Robert Townsend was pitching the movie.

[20:46] When Martin Landau's pitching the movie.

[20:48] When Martin Landau's pitching the movie.

[20:49] To Robert Townsend, look, I love this baps script.

[20:52] You'll be the perfect director for it.

[20:54] I don't know, it seems like I've been trying to make movies

[20:57] that really talk about the black experience

[20:59] in an honest way.

[21:00] No, no, nothing's more honest than baps.

[21:02] Please, this is, you have to tell this story, Robert.

[21:05] I'm an Academy Award winner.

[21:06] Picture this.

[21:07] I exit a dressing room.

[21:09] He exits a vampire.

[21:11] Blah, blah, Robert.

[21:14] Blah.

[21:15] Baps of the night, what sweet music they make.

[21:20] I don't drink baps.

[21:22] And so forth, those are lines from Dracula.

[21:24] Bapsula.

[21:25] Anyway, so the.

[21:28] The man, again, the man played a guy who played Dracula.

[21:32] I assume.

[21:33] He did not play a vampire.

[21:34] So, well, the other alternative is to pretend

[21:35] that he's really a morphine addict, like Bela Lugosi was.

[21:38] So, let's just pretend he's a vampire.

[21:40] It's a lot more fun.

[21:41] This is Elliot Kaelin pulling a triumphant call to arms

[21:44] to all those Elliot Kaelin voice haters out there.

[21:50] Yeah, yeah.

[21:51] We're making a lot of offhand references

[21:53] to horrible things that people have said

[21:55] about us in comment sections.

[21:57] Well, look, we're thin-skinned.

[21:59] That's why we're in comedy.

[22:00] Anyway, so Robert Townsend was sitting there.

[22:03] He said, Martin, I'm not sure if this is the right movie.

[22:05] I thought we were gonna talk about the movie.

[22:06] No, Martin Lando said, take a look at this.

[22:08] Slammed his Academy Award from Edwin on the desk.

[22:11] Oscar wants you to make this movie, Robert,

[22:13] because he wants a friend,

[22:14] and Baps is gonna get me that Oscar.

[22:16] And Robert Townsend was like, all right,

[22:18] I guess so, Martin Lando.

[22:19] I mean, you're a legend.

[22:20] And then every day, I assume on the shooting set,

[22:23] Robert Townsend would turn to Martin Lando and go,

[22:24] fuck you.

[22:26] Why did you rope me into this movie, Martin?

[22:29] And Martin Lando would say, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

[22:32] I'm an imp.

[22:34] Tales from the Moniton.

[22:37] This is the twist ending?

[22:39] Yeah, this is the twist ending to The Making of Baps.

[22:43] Wait, is that why Tales from the Crypt

[22:44] is Tales from the Crypt?

[22:45] It's named after the Crypt Keeper?

[22:47] Yeah, his name's Crypt Keeper.

[22:52] The K stands for Kevin.

[22:58] I like this.

[22:59] Kevin's a really strange real name.

[23:03] It's Tales from T-H-E Crypt.

[23:05] Thomas Heathcliff Edward Crypt.

[23:08] Anyway.

[23:09] I'm so amazed at the idea that the twist of it is like,

[23:12] hee, hee, hee,

[23:13] I've trapped you into making a terrible movie.

[23:16] That's the ironic turn that this takes?

[23:18] You know I've already made Meteor Man, right?

[23:20] Like, I've made terrible movies.

[23:22] Well, I forgot about Meteor Man.

[23:24] By the way, we've all been dead the whole time.

[23:27] I don't think so.

[23:28] No, I don't think that's true.

[23:28] It's not true at all.

[23:30] Usually, aren't these twists,

[23:32] don't they often involve like puns

[23:35] or like a play on words?

[23:37] Baps, no kidding, it's not a real phrase.

[23:41] The movie introduced that phrase

[23:42] and doesn't explain it till the very end.

[23:44] I'm just reading the movie poster you made.

[23:47] Because Martin Lando put the movie poster together.

[23:51] Yeah.

[23:53] I've cast Hallie, scary.

[23:57] Too late.

[23:57] Wait, too late.

[23:58] Bury, is it enough of a fucking joke?

[24:03] Hallie buried, how about that?

[24:07] Where did we get to in this movie?

[24:08] I don't even remember.

[24:09] So, they basically become Martin Lando's friend.

[24:12] They make him sell food and he gets his energy back.

[24:15] They teach him how to dance.

[24:17] They take him on a shopping montage,

[24:17] which is a pretty fun shopping montage.

[24:19] But it turns out, and meanwhile,

[24:21] the Latin Lothario is seducing Mickey, the friend.

[24:25] But it turns-

[24:26] It's the thick one that makes all food.

[24:28] I don't like saying thick.

[24:29] They prefer that.

[24:30] I don't care.

[24:31] That's not-

[24:32] They prefer that.

[24:34] I'm not sure how to be offended by that,

[24:36] but I am offended by it.

[24:37] I'm not sure why I am specifically, but anyway.

[24:40] Meanwhile, it turns out the nephew

[24:42] has clearly schemed with the chauffeur, the Latin guy,

[24:46] to frame the Baps for robbing Martin Lando,

[24:49] but it doesn't work out.

[24:50] And I don't remember what the character's name is.

[24:52] It's really an elaborate frame job,

[24:54] because he is seducing her

[24:57] while wearing some driving gloves,

[24:58] and then tricks her into touching a safe.

[25:01] Into trying to open up a safe.

[25:02] He's like, wouldn't it be sexy if you touch the safe?

[25:06] Until I have a women opening safes fetish.

[25:09] But then later, Hallie, Bury, and Mickey are in bed.

[25:12] They share a bed, of course,

[25:12] because it's like a fucking Lucy show episode.

[25:16] And because this movie was made in the 30s.

[25:19] They both sit bolt upright with their little sleep masks on.

[25:22] Yeah.

[25:23] And fucking bandanas in their hair.

[25:24] Cucumbers over their eyes.

[25:26] Anyway, they hear a noise and they run downstairs.

[25:29] A robber is breaking in.

[25:31] It's the chauffeur.

[25:32] And he proceeds to stand there

[25:34] while they take turns punching him in the face.

[25:37] Never tries to leave.

[25:38] Never fights back.

[25:39] He just stands there while they punch him.

[25:41] While saying like, that's not how Rocky punches.

[25:43] Rocky punches like this.

[25:44] Oh, Mike Tyson.

[25:45] He's like, I'm gonna punch you like Mike Tyson.

[25:46] Sorry.

[25:47] Yeah, because black people love Rocky.

[25:48] When it comes to boxers,

[25:50] Rocky is the one that a young black person

[25:52] would really gravitate towards.

[25:53] Oh, the great white hope, the Rocky.

[25:55] You know who I can really relate to?

[25:57] Not Tyson, not Hallie.

[25:58] That Italian stallion.

[25:59] Italian stallion.

[26:01] And in 1997, that's the movie

[26:03] that's on the tip of everybody's tongue is Rocky.

[26:06] Rocky 5.

[26:07] You know what 19 year old movie I was thinking about?

[26:09] Yeah, he's a regular.

[26:10] 20, 21 year old movie.

[26:12] So they, so they punch him a lot.

[26:14] And then the nephew.

[26:16] They don't even punch him a lot, Elliot.

[26:17] They punch him at least four or five times.

[26:19] That's not a lot.

[26:20] It's a lot for a movie like BAPS.

[26:23] It's not a lot if this was American Ninja.

[26:26] If this was Fist of the North Star, it's not a lot.

[26:28] No, but.

[26:29] That's not even one move.

[26:30] No, but for BAPS, it's a lot of punches.

[26:34] Considering no one else gets punched.

[26:35] Oh no, that's not true, there's one other punch.

[26:37] It was a lion punch.

[26:40] The true story of one man and his devotion to punching.

[26:43] But anyway, so the nephew sells out the chauffeur.

[26:47] And then everyone just kind of keeps going.

[26:51] Hangs out, they throw a party.

[26:53] Everyone's friends.

[26:55] The butler arranges for their boyfriends to come back.

[26:58] And the boyfriends have changed their ways.

[26:59] Yeah, off screen again.

[27:01] Off camera they have performed.

[27:03] Halle Berry dances with one.

[27:04] Another one falls in a pool.

[27:06] And Martin Lando dies.

[27:10] Yeah, you're really glossing over the.

[27:11] There's not a lot of movie in this movie.

[27:14] What am I leaving out?

[27:14] Yeah, it feels like after a certain point,

[27:16] they're like, oh, this is the time

[27:17] where they need love interest.

[27:18] I guess bring those other two dudes back.

[27:20] It really feels like the movie was made up

[27:22] as they went along.

[27:23] Yeah, well, I mean, we did, like you were saying,

[27:25] like, oh, these characters' journey won't be complete

[27:28] unless they get some arbitrary love interest

[27:30] by the end of it.

[27:31] They couldn't think of anyone else

[27:32] because it's not like the fucking butler

[27:34] is gonna marry one of them.

[27:36] But that would have been, why not?

[27:36] That would have been an interesting choice.

[27:38] Now, there's a brave film, yeah.

[27:41] But before Martin Lando shuffles off this mortal coil,

[27:45] there are a couple of scenes where it becomes clear to him

[27:49] that the Baps are his only true friends in this world.

[27:52] They're not in it for the money.

[27:54] He offers each of them a check for $50,000

[27:57] saying thanks for everything.

[27:58] And they.

[27:59] With that kind of money, they could start their business

[28:01] of haircutting and food preparation.

[28:04] Put together, it's 10 times as much

[28:06] as they were hoping to get from Heavy D,

[28:07] who has a hilarious cameo as himself in a restaurant.

[28:11] And by hilarious, I mean excruciating.

[28:14] But.

[28:15] It's there.

[28:16] I mean, it happens in front of you.

[28:17] And you're like, can I look away?

[28:19] No, I can't say a Ludovico experiment.

[28:21] Anyway.

[28:22] Can I block up my ears?

[28:23] No, they're still way too loud.

[28:25] But he offers them checks for $50,000 and they say,

[28:28] no, we're not in this for the money.

[28:29] And they tear up the checks and he goes,

[28:31] I thought the only person I could trust was Lily,

[28:33] his long lost girlfriend.

[28:35] But now I know I can trust you, Baps.

[28:38] He doesn't say Baps, but he might as well.

[28:39] Then he dies and everyone's sad

[28:42] and they have the reading of the will.

[28:45] And this is literally how it goes.

[28:46] The lawyer, his lawyer says,

[28:47] I, being of sound heart and mind,

[28:50] would like it incontestably known that to my beloved Baps.

[28:54] And they're like, Baps?

[28:55] And she goes, black American princesses.

[28:58] I leave and then the music swells

[29:00] and we don't hear a single fucking thing after that point.

[29:02] We don't hear what.

[29:03] It's all reaction shots.

[29:04] We just see reaction shots of the Baps going crazy.

[29:06] And then we see the lawyer saying something

[29:08] and then the butler is like,

[29:10] and everyone's congratulating the butler.

[29:12] And then we see the nephew get mad and walk out.

[29:14] And it feels as though they had an audio problem on the set,

[29:18] on the one take they did of this scene.

[29:20] They just covered it in music.

[29:22] And then they're celebrating the end, uh-oh,

[29:26] which literally writes on with calligraphy.

[29:28] Crosses out the beginning

[29:31] and they've opened up their comfort food slash,

[29:35] that's their soul food slash hair salon.

[29:37] The butler now works for them as, I guess,

[29:39] their publicist, I'm not sure.

[29:41] I don't think he's skilled in that field.

[29:43] He's traded in his conservative Savile Row suits

[29:46] for a white suit, an all white suit.

[29:48] Because he decided to look like

[29:49] one of the Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.

[29:51] And the lawyer is now also, I guess, their business partner.

[29:56] Their boyfriends have a pager chauffeur business.

[30:00] i'll be working for them at this point the the nephew has a serious case

[30:03] against them but i love it

[30:05] i didn't realize that you could make a will incontestable in court by just

[30:08] writing incontestably yeah i give my money to it seems like more well you

[30:13] should just put that word and if that's all it takes it's like uh... there'd be

[30:16] so many civil suits to be avoided just into everything you know that

[30:21] any to any idea all i didn't know that uh...

[30:23] when the native americans are writing those treaties with american

[30:26] marianne's all they had very was

[30:27] incontestably well i want to steal your land so that i can't do it was like

[30:32] outlook i wish there was something i could do but they said incontestable

[30:36] it is literally the legal systems magic word

[30:38] the same way that when you say

[30:40] so sue me to somebody they have to sue you legally

[30:45] uh... but yeah i don't think it's something and when you say don't have a

[30:48] cowman

[30:49] they cannot purchase a cow or even eat beef

[30:53] but it's clear that the baps

[30:55] or their cowman hybrid i'm assuming

[31:00] so you don't have a cowman or a cowman you can't have any of the lost cowboys

[31:04] of mumesa

[31:06] or that one ninja turtles character who was like a humanoid bull

[31:09] uh... but it's clear that the baps and the boy baps are going to lose this

[31:13] money within two months the baps

[31:16] it is a terrible idea

[31:18] even though

[31:19] and they've opened up like three or four branches at one time that's crazy

[31:24] yeah come on you know have a good flagship organization and franchise i

[31:27] mean dennis rodman's there before his politics got in the way right yes this

[31:31] is before he became

[31:33] uh... dictator's best friend dennis rodman

[31:36] the one man who successfully got kicked out of north korea

[31:39] i like the idea

[31:41] you say dictator's best friend and i immediately think of a product the dictator's best friend

[31:45] but what would that product be dan? it's like a wrestling buddy right?

[31:48] i assume it's like a really strong deodorant because who's gonna listen to your every whim

[31:52] when you're sweating

[31:54] i just thought of something like somehow like it's a tablet that automatically poisons the

[31:58] member of your family that's plotting against you

[32:00] it can tell somehow it can tell. what like a batteries not included robot that

[32:04] flies around?

[32:05] exactly

[32:07] so uh... go bot

[32:09] so baps guys

[32:11] uh... so thanks british athenian politician sex

[32:16] on baps

[32:17] for a movie where uh... nothing happens? the stars

[32:22] screenwriter

[32:23] and director were all african-american this is possibly one of the more racist

[32:27] depictions of black people i've seen

[32:30] in a film

[32:32] it goes a little too far

[32:34] in being cartoonish into a territory where it's like

[32:37] uh...

[32:39] this is

[32:40] this is uh... uncomfortable

[32:41] but hey you know what maybe we're just being overly sensitive because we're afraid of being

[32:44] called racist

[32:46] i mean it was pretty racist against

[32:48] uh... the white butler and martin landau too

[32:51] well it literally is like it's such an old-fashioned thing of like

[32:54] blacks are funky white people uptight

[32:57] this movie should have been made in like nineteen seventy six

[33:01] but instead it was made in nineteen ninety seven i just kept thinking while we were watching it

[33:04] but that's mainly because of the music

[33:06] two years after this movie the matrix would be made it feels like

[33:09] i'm thinking of movies from different centuries at this point

[33:12] yeah this movie was up against fargo for best picture

[33:16] we should mention that BAPS was nominated for best picture it won the new york critics award

[33:22] uh... and no but it was nominated for an award according to wikipedia

[33:26] uh... BAPS was nominated

[33:28] for the best actress

[33:30] acapulco black film festival award halle barish unfortunately she lost

[33:34] but she went on to win an academy award

[33:37] but not for BAPS are you sure it's not just a BAPS acronym

[33:41] best actress acapulco

[33:45] this is the p and acapulco he's saying it's super weird i don't know what you're doing

[33:50] i'm going to see who the winner is

[33:52] and guys as a podcaster and the winner that year was uh... vivica a fox for soul food

[33:58] and as a uh... as a podcaster and a listener of podcasts i know a thing or two about overtalking

[34:05] but the two leads of this movie

[34:08] overtalked more than anybody i've ever heard on a podcast it's much like a

[34:12] fucking mumblecore movie it's like his girl friday they were overlapping dialogue

[34:16] robert townsend saw his girl friday and he said i found my BAPS style it took like twenty

[34:20] five minutes into the movie before i knew what the main character's names were i think

[34:24] that might be partly the movie and partly

[34:26] uh... how much attention we give to the movie

[34:29] but uh...

[34:30] look there's a lot of talent involved in this film unfortunately it just didn't work out

[34:33] this one time it was the skidoo of uh... of the nineties

[34:37] definitely

[34:39] so uh... so thanks for making us watch it contestant yeah let's uh... move on to final

[34:43] judgments on this movie is a good bad movie a bad bad movie or movie you kind of like

[34:47] uh... stewart's drinking so eliot why don't you say i would say it's

[34:53] it might be a

[34:54] fun one for like a bunch of racists to watch and make fun of i don't know

[34:59] i would say a bad bad movie but not even necessarily because it was like stupid or not funny it

[35:02] was just very

[35:03] like slow and and kind of dull you know

[35:07] for a movie that could have been

[35:08] that sounds crazy it sounds crazier than it was there's a lot of the characters kind

[35:12] of hanging around the house

[35:14] even when they do the classic

[35:16] confused by a bidet scene

[35:18] where a bidet squirts everywhere

[35:20] it doesn't squirt everywhere it's like a fucking fire hose

[35:24] if you tried to use that bidet it would hurt you

[35:28] you would have tearing

[35:29] martin lando should have had a scene where he goes like well i like a good scouring of the rectum

[35:37] that's why my bidet is set to

[35:40] anti-civil rights march fire hose

[35:42] but uh... the

[35:44] it was even that scene like went on too long was really slowly paced and didn't have a

[35:48] payoff like

[35:49] there were no there's very few jokes for a comedy

[35:53] yeah and this is the first half of the movie they're like people be laughing at their gold

[35:56] teeth so much

[35:57] we won't even need other jokes

[35:59] this is borderline good bad movie because it is extravagantly bad in a way that we

[36:04] don't normally see and you were saying kind of innocently bad innocently bad like it feels

[36:09] like

[36:10] a bad movie

[36:11] from the

[36:12] like the forties got made in ninety seven or something

[36:16] but uh... it's yeah you're right it's too

[36:19] boring overall to like really

[36:22] uh... reach the heights

[36:24] of a good bad movie

[36:26] uh... stew what do you think

[36:27] yeah

[36:28] it's gonna i guess it's gonna be a bad bad movie i

[36:32] i feel like i heard so you don't have to go into the peer pressure i feel like the

[36:35] uh... the comedic tropes that this movie borrows from

[36:39] uh... or borrows are better used in a little movie called twin sitters

[36:45] uh... and are used a little better so if you're looking for like the idea of like

[36:48] the rags to riches

[36:50] uh... cinderella story of a rich people poor people clash yeah uh... that also as

[36:55] bodybuilders i'd see twin sitters twin bodybuilders babysitting twin rich kids

[36:59] is john paragon in it yes because he directed it

[37:02] or disorderly

[37:04] go out see disorderly yeah that's the other thing is it fell a little bit last day and said like

[37:07] disorderly's but uh... without the fat boys they said these fat boys are distracting me too much

[37:11] from the plot of disorderly's

[37:14] get me the baps

[37:16] uh... and the beer they drink

[37:18] baps blue ribbon

[37:19] oh boy

[37:20] so but yeah i almost wish they'd put more effort into this and then it would have been a good bad movie

[37:25] uh... before we move on

[37:27] uh... just want to put on a plug

[37:30] for uh... one of our uh... all things comedy podcasting network

[37:35] siblings brethren

[37:37] uh... farley brothers radio

[37:39] uh... which has comedians kevin and john farley

[37:43] brothers i assume

[37:45] and host

[37:46] carissa costa

[37:48] uh... talking about life love and all things farley i don't know what that

[37:51] means all things farley

[37:53] uh... maybe they're talking about farley

[37:56] they're talking about farley and the dog

[37:59] uh... farley for better and worse that's a movie right

[38:04] they're talking about i farley the kids show

[38:07] no but uh...

[38:08] they have had farley and jibson

[38:13] they've had a lot of great guests they've had david spade norm mcdonald

[38:16] sandra taylor andrew dick

[38:18] and chris katan on the show

[38:20] did you say andrew dick

[38:22] please i'm trying to have a new image it's andrew richard

[38:26] please this is my series roles it's andrew richard

[38:30] this is my break out into the legitimate theater

[38:34] he was playing

[38:35] he was playing the butler in the reboot of baps

[38:40] it's me and andrew

[38:43] andrew richard

[38:44] it's baps the stage adaptation

[38:47] it's a drawing room comedy

[38:50] uh... no but uh... check out baps the musical

[38:54] check out baps the musical on broadway

[38:56] never

[38:57] it was closed already

[38:59] somebody had the idea and it closed off broadway

[39:01] it closed in their minds

[39:02] so farley brothers radio

[39:05] since you can't see baps the musical why don't you listen to farley brothers radio

[39:09] over at ATC

[39:10] on all things comedy

[39:11] your place for all things comedy

[39:13] not all things considered that's a different thing

[39:16] unless what's being considered is comedy in which case yes

[39:20] not the all thing

[39:22] no we don't we don't talk about that

[39:24] that's for a different podcast our weird religion podcast

[39:29] weird spaghetti monsters cthulhu and so forth

[39:34] i've never seen the spaghetti monster and cthulhu in the same room at the same time

[39:38] and he does have tentacle face

[39:40] that would be a really weird room

[39:42] uh... it would be non-euclidean architecture

[39:45] now

[39:47] we move on

[39:48] to the next segment

[39:50] which is letters from listeners

[39:53] uh... mail time mail call call in the mail call it up hey mail is that you

[39:58] i got the machine

[40:00] Now, this is the flop house, come on by.

[40:02] Give us a call when you're back.

[40:04] Oh, you just picked up.

[40:05] Hey, mail, mail, call.

[40:07] Call in the mail.

[40:08] Oh, I have the wrong number?

[40:09] Forget it.

[40:10] Let's call the mail in the mail call.

[40:12] I'll give that song credit for being very different

[40:14] than the normal letter song.

[40:17] I mean, I'm trying to branch out.

[40:19] He's the stodgy judge who just allowed it.

[40:22] There's nothing in the rule book

[40:23] that says he can't sing a letter song.

[40:26] So this first letter's from Clavey, last name withheld,

[40:29] who writes, dear floppers, as you may be aware,

[40:31] the superhero fighting game, Dishonored Gods Among Us,

[40:35] is quickly running out of interesting characters

[40:37] to release as downloadable content.

[40:39] Two green lanterns?

[40:41] What on earth?

[40:42] There's a whole fucking core of them.

[40:43] Sure.

[40:44] Sorry, I didn't mean to get that mad.

[40:45] Sure.

[40:46] Sure.

[40:47] When are they gonna get to Gnord?

[40:48] That's all I wanna know.

[40:50] Reaching for your magnificent creations,

[40:52] five head and seven pounds for game inclusion

[40:55] isn't far off.

[40:56] Although their basic motives-

[40:57] Fucking Freddy Krueger in one of those games.

[41:00] Yeah.

[41:00] Bitch.

[41:01] There's a little tribute to Freddy.

[41:06] Yep.

[41:07] Sam Neill.

[41:08] Rest in peace.

[41:08] Sam Neill's what?

[41:12] Although their basic moves are pretty obvious,

[41:15] five head would be a hand to head brawler

[41:18] with moves like the old two three and give him the fingers,

[41:21] where seven pounds would clearly hit his opponents

[41:23] with a large variety of objects,

[41:25] all of which weigh exactly seven pounds.

[41:27] Seven pound weights.

[41:28] But after this-

[41:29] Seven pound Tom weights.

[41:30] Things get more murky.

[41:31] What would their catchphrases be?

[41:33] What would their power modes be?

[41:34] What would their super moves and finishing moves be?

[41:36] Please clear this up and help to save the game developers

[41:39] from releasing yet more Batman skins.

[41:42] So seven pounds finishing move is like-

[41:44] Seven boobs.

[41:45] Is that what you're gonna say?

[41:46] Whoa, dude.

[41:47] That's my job to make fun of you fucking up

[41:49] for how you say things.

[41:50] Yeah.

[41:51] Your seven boobs.

[41:52] Your seven boobs kills you with boobs.

[41:54] Duh, I guess, whatever.

[41:55] It's just an udder, basically.

[41:56] It's like the worm is on the other foot, Moriarty.

[41:59] Wait, why would, that doesn't make sense.

[42:00] Why are you flipping covered in worms?

[42:04] That's how the Napoleon of crime killed people.

[42:07] Ah, I'll just bury you in this box of nightcrawlers.

[42:12] Banff indeed.

[42:13] Not that kind of nightcrawler.

[42:15] What are you talking about?

[42:16] Oh, forget it.

[42:17] Anyway, seven pounds is finishing move.

[42:19] He kills you with a fucking jellyfish, right?

[42:21] Yeah, yeah, he throws a jellyfish at you.

[42:22] And then your soul flies up and it costs seven pounds.

[42:24] Your eyes go to Woody Harrelson.

[42:27] And Fivehead, what was it,

[42:29] his catchphrase in his finishing move?

[42:31] Well, yeah, I don't know, whatever.

[42:33] He shoots you with whatever he wants.

[42:34] Well, his catchphrase is five heads are better than one.

[42:36] Yeah.

[42:37] And.

[42:38] I feel like maybe he would sing a very sad song

[42:40] about being an orphan and then you would cry yourself to death.

[42:42] You would die of sadness, yeah.

[42:43] He carries five guns, right?

[42:45] Not six guns, because he has five head going once.

[42:47] Well, no, no, he has seven guns.

[42:49] Because he's got five heads, not four head.

[42:51] Oh, that makes more sense.

[42:55] I mean, I'm sure the math works out.

[42:56] I don't know, fucking some game designer will come up with it.

[42:59] And when he plays pool, he goes,

[43:00] I'm really behind the nine ball right now.

[43:03] This, I feel like this is getting even more murky.

[43:06] Anyway, his favorite movie is Cheaper by the Thirteen.

[43:09] What?

[43:12] Oh, I get it.

[43:13] You get it?

[43:13] Yeah.

[43:14] Now I get it, that makes it one more.

[43:15] Sure, like Ocean's Twelve, right?

[43:17] Although he also likes 103 Dalmatians.

[43:20] His one more than 102 Dalmatians is a secret.

[43:23] His amplifiers go up to 12.

[43:27] Yeah, yeah, sure.

[43:28] That's great.

[43:29] Here's my problem with 102 Dalmatians as a sequel.

[43:31] We've already seen 101 Dalmatians.

[43:33] Adding one more Dalmatian is not very impressive.

[43:36] You'd have to do 202 Dalmatians in the sequel

[43:39] to even equal the impact of the first movie.

[43:42] Have you ever considered how beautiful a coat

[43:44] made out of 102 Dalmatians would look?

[43:46] It would be amazingly beautiful.

[43:48] I would like one, please.

[43:49] Give me a minute, I gotta go see Salvation.

[43:53] You're bleeding me out of Mary Chase.

[43:56] Oh boy, okay, this.

[44:00] So I hope that answers your made up nonsense question.

[44:02] Stuella DeVille, et cetera.

[44:03] Stuella DeVille, like, you were tired of waiting

[44:07] for one of us to come up with that,

[44:09] so you just threw it in there.

[44:10] So, this.

[44:14] That's your drag character.

[44:16] We're doing a cabaret show.

[44:20] This next is titled Non-Pornographic Flophouse Fan

[44:24] Art.

[44:25] Is there such a thing?

[44:26] I'm a new listener to your show,

[44:28] having been inspired by John Hodgman's condemnation

[44:31] to discover for myself how terrible Elliot really was.

[44:34] Without passing judgment on Mr. Hodgman's taste,

[44:37] I have to say I've really enjoyed what I've heard so far.

[44:39] Except for Elliot, who's terrible.

[44:41] Maybe a little too much, as I spent the last week

[44:43] mainlining episodes like a reformed vegetarian

[44:46] with their first box of sailor chicken.

[44:48] After my marathon, I think I've developed a loss.

[44:52] It's a Popeye's reference.

[44:54] Oh, oh, I see.

[44:56] Popeye the sailor, I see.

[44:58] Popeye's restaurant is named after Popeye.

[44:59] Doyle, let's just get that straight.

[45:02] You've just completely divorced Popeye from his.

[45:06] Popeye's chicken is named after the effect of your eyes

[45:09] popping out of your sky.

[45:10] It's so delicious.

[45:13] When you take a bite, you're like, huh?

[45:14] Sprawling, like a text-savory wolf.

[45:16] Oh, I thought you were just like, pop.

[45:18] I'm going to get a bag in my eye.

[45:20] I thought.

[45:21] It hurts.

[45:23] My eyes.

[45:25] I can't even see the chicken.

[45:27] It's so greasy, or chicken grease.

[45:29] Can't get a good grip on my eyeballs.

[45:31] Just put a bag in my face.

[45:33] Why do you like this chicken place?

[45:35] It tastes really good.

[45:37] All you've got to do is secure your eyeballs in your face

[45:40] with fasteners beforehand.

[45:42] OK, like clothespins, or what?

[45:44] I thought they were talking about some kind of chicken

[45:46] that sailors eat, like it's dehydrated or something

[45:49] like that.

[45:50] It's a last-of-long-sea voyage.

[45:52] Well, we haven't even gotten to the point of this.

[45:57] She goes, after my marathon, I think

[45:58] I've developed a pretty good idea based on your voices,

[46:02] as well as hints in the podcast as to what you all look like.

[46:06] As I'm too lazy to do a Google image search.

[46:08] That's lazy.

[46:11] Could you please take a look at the attached sketch

[46:14] and let me know how accurate my imagined podcasters are?

[46:17] That's from Vanessa Lastname with Helden.

[46:19] I've got the sketch here.

[46:20] So this is what she thinks we look like.

[46:22] So listeners should Google it.

[46:24] OK, so wait.

[46:25] One of us is a teddy bear, and the other two are ducks.

[46:28] OK.

[46:29] I think I'm the bear.

[46:29] I'm guessing that.

[46:31] I can't tell if.

[46:31] The duck with the glasses, I think, is you, Elliot.

[46:33] That duck is way too tall.

[46:35] And then there's like a roughneck kind of muscular duck.

[46:37] There's like a skinhead angry duck, and that must be Stewart.

[46:40] Unless Stewart's the teddy bear and Dan is the angry duck.

[46:44] And then there's a cat.

[46:45] The cat could be Stewart.

[46:46] Yeah, that's true.

[46:47] But it's a pretty accurate sketch as far as the kind of shirts

[46:50] we wear.

[46:50] Elliot could also be the bowl of, I'm guessing, chips

[46:52] or some kind of caramelized corn.

[46:54] I'm not some caramelized corn.

[46:57] You put a fucking crème brûlée torched in this corn.

[47:03] What's this podcast?

[47:06] It's with a chip reduction.

[47:08] You see?

[47:10] You say that this is a non-pornographic drawing,

[47:12] but this is as close to furry flop house porn with our clothes

[47:16] on as I think I think.

[47:17] I don't even want you to mention that for fear

[47:19] of the floodgates you're opening.

[47:22] But thank you, I guess.

[47:24] Nobody ever send us a picture of the house cat

[47:26] with his penis out, please.

[47:28] Let me just say that.

[47:29] Don't do that.

[47:31] So.

[47:32] Fucking bizarro over there.

[47:34] So next up.

[47:35] Well, thank you for the art.

[47:37] We appreciate it.

[47:37] Titled Intimate Encounters from Martin.

[47:41] Oh, I saw that movie.

[47:42] From Martin, I'm not afraid of being fully identified,

[47:45] Biro, who writes, Elliot's recent reference

[47:48] to semi-obscure X-Men character Xtreme slash Adam X

[47:53] prompted memories of excitedly meeting Dan and Stuart

[47:56] outside of Elliot's NYC Comic Con panel a year or so ago.

[48:00] Oh, shit.

[48:00] I forgot about that panel.

[48:02] Thanks for coming to it, guys.

[48:03] I was with my boyfriend and friend,

[48:05] neither of whom are listeners, and were

[48:12] puzzled by my happiness at this encounter

[48:15] and described one of you as, quote, super awkward,

[48:18] and the other as, quote, he's gay, right?

[48:20] Stuart.

[48:21] Actually, I don't know.

[48:22] It could be either one.

[48:23] I'll let you debate who is described as what.

[48:25] Anyway, I wanted to ask what, if any,

[48:27] current comic book titles you geeks follow,

[48:29] and if Elliot will be appearing again at this year's con.

[48:33] I haven't been asked, but maybe that'd be nice.

[48:35] Someone doing a panel has to ask me.

[48:39] I always assume that I'm the one being

[48:40] described as super awkward.

[48:42] But you also could be gay.

[48:43] It's true.

[48:44] Whereas Stuart does get shy around people he doesn't know.

[48:47] He's like a wild animal.

[48:49] He introduced himself to Hallie as a laid-back party dude.

[48:52] But he knows.

[48:54] Also, a lot of boyfriends slash male friends

[48:57] describe me as gay for fear of my sexual prowess.

[49:00] Yeah, yeah.

[49:01] For fear of it?

[49:02] Yeah, like there's an intimidation factor.

[49:04] So they describe me.

[49:06] OK.

[49:06] What was the other?

[49:07] What comics do we read now?

[49:08] So they say he's gay, right?

[49:09] So that she doesn't get any crazy ideas.

[49:13] So comic books, though.

[49:14] Stuart and I, we'll both read Sixth Gun.

[49:17] Yep, yeah, yeah.

[49:17] We both read Profit.

[49:19] Yeah, yeah.

[49:20] Brandon Graham stuff's awesome.

[49:21] Yeah, the Manhattan Projects we both enjoy.

[49:25] I like Hawkeye, but you hate Matt Fraction.

[49:27] I hate Matt Fraction.

[49:29] Wolverine and the X-Men is a fun book.

[49:33] I just picked up the second collection of Dial H.

[49:36] OK.

[49:37] But that's not ongoing.

[49:38] No, that was canceled.

[49:39] And I mostly enjoy reprints of old comics.

[49:44] I have been buying up pretty much every, I think every,

[49:48] actually, EC reprint that has happened.

[49:51] The Fantagraphics.

[49:52] Fantagraphics have been putting out beautiful reprints

[49:54] of EC work.

[49:55] I think I just have the Jack Davis one.

[49:57] Yeah.

[49:57] And it's awesome.

[49:58] But they're all grouped by artists.

[50:00] They're all in beautiful black and white, and they certainly had the best stable of comics artists of the time.

[50:07] Yeah, you were saying how, like, you're shocked at how great their stable was at the time.

[50:13] Well, also, like, I'm shocked at just, like, how much the general level of comics art has deteriorated.

[50:20] I know that there was terrible comics at the time, too.

[50:22] I think that there's actually a lot of really good art going on in comics right now.

[50:27] Yeah, you're right, but EC, in terms of art, was the top of the heap at the time.

[50:31] Yeah, I mean, just a group of legendary people.

[50:35] Yeah.

[50:37] But, to move on.

[50:39] It's Dan's favorite part of the life.

[50:42] And the Halle Berry from BAPS.

[50:44] Yeah, Dan's like, oh, Halle Berry's butt is winning me over to this.

[50:48] I didn't say it in those words, necessarily.

[50:49] Excellent performance from Halle Berry's mind quarters.

[50:52] I'm sure we could think of other comics that we'd like if we thought about it, but that's enough for now.

[50:57] So this next letter is titled, Arabic Popeyes.

[51:02] Dan.

[51:03] Keep talking.

[51:04] Tell Ellie that it's from David, last name withheld.

[51:06] But not my brother, right?

[51:08] Yes, that David.

[51:10] Has he thrown a fit yet?

[51:12] Good, on to the letter.

[51:13] Oh, my stomach.

[51:15] By the way, this letter's from Sam, last name withheld.

[51:18] Oh, so it's not from David, last name withheld.

[51:20] Oh, okay.

[51:21] Phew.

[51:22] But he writes...

[51:23] Best part of a prank?

[51:24] Tell them it's a prank in the middle of it.

[51:25] Yeah.

[51:26] Wow.

[51:27] Yeah, it's better than an Andy Kaufman type prank where you never tell them it's a prank and people are just like, what happened?

[51:32] Yeah, you take it to your grave.

[51:33] I feel like there's a lot of email to get through while still maintaining that prank.

[51:39] But he writes, hey, floppers.

[51:40] Well, you were the one who broke it.

[51:41] Don't get mad at me.

[51:42] Specifically, Elliot.

[51:44] As I was listening through the Flophouse backlog on my flight to Amon.

[51:49] Amon?

[51:50] I was like, amen.

[51:51] Okay.

[51:52] I was made a note of a fan letter from a flop fan in Qatar who was eager to try Popeye's chicken.

[51:58] As I made my way toward Jordan, I wondered if I would be treated to the same experience.

[52:03] When I finally beat the jet lag and figured out the local area enough, I sat out in search of a Popeye's.

[52:08] The search lasted all of five seconds because they're as common as McDonald's here.

[52:13] I was excited to give Elliot a translation and show off my Arabic skills to out-know-it-all the famed know-it-all,

[52:18] but was disappointed to find that not only was the sign in English, but all the employees spoke fluent English as well.

[52:24] All I can leave you with is the assumption that the Arabic Popeye's sign read Bub-Eyes,

[52:29] as there's no equivalent to the letter P in Arabic.

[52:32] Just to provoke more—

[52:34] Then how do you say hippopotamus?

[52:36] Just to provoke—

[52:37] No, answer my question, Dan.

[52:39] God damn it.

[52:40] Yeah, you're saying—

[52:41] I like the idea that you think that the email would immediately give you a response.

[52:46] Enhance by 30%.

[52:48] Now answer my question.

[52:50] Hippopotamus.

[52:52] Just to provoke more response out of this letter, I also noticed that it has been hard to me to find food here

[52:57] that isn't doused in either ketchup or mayo, usually both.

[53:01] What are your thoughts on dumping ketchup onto an already perfect food like Popeye's chicken?

[53:06] I would never eat ketchup on Popeye's chicken.

[53:09] I love ketchup.

[53:11] Don't get me wrong.

[53:12] But why would you do that?

[53:13] It doesn't make sense to me.

[53:14] You like catsup-flavored potato chips.

[53:17] Yeah, sure.

[53:18] You can get catsup-flavored potato chips in England.

[53:20] Yeah, when I'm in Canada.

[53:21] Say those things.

[53:23] I used to put ketchup on everything when I was a kid,

[53:25] but now I've come to realize that food tastes good without it much of the time.

[53:29] You don't just want to eat catsup for every meal.

[53:32] No.

[53:33] Even a hamburger where you'd put—a lot of people put ketchup on.

[53:36] If I know it's going to be a good hamburger, I want to taste the beef.

[53:39] I don't want to taste the ketchup.

[53:40] Sure, you just don't like catsup with different variations of texture.

[53:43] I've learned that food tastes good.

[53:45] Let me talk about another trend I'm not a fran of, mayonnaise on hamburgers.

[53:48] You're not a fran of?

[53:50] I'm not a fran-dresher of, but nannies.

[53:54] If you go to California, you better fucking make sure they don't put mayonnaise on your hamburger.

[53:59] You'll have to ask them explicitly.

[54:00] I like mayo on a hamburger.

[54:01] Because they don't tell you they're going to put it on, but they do anyway.

[54:03] Mayonnaise, or they'll be like, hey, this guy probably wants avocado.

[54:05] I'll slip you a big avocado in there.

[54:07] You know what?

[54:08] It doesn't say avocado on the extensive list of ingredients.

[54:10] I think mayo and beef is a classic combination.

[54:12] A surprise for your tongue you'll never forget.

[54:14] You'll be thanking me till the day you die.

[54:16] I love all the things you're talking about.

[54:17] Your muscles are going to enjoy this protein.

[54:18] Don't worry about it, guy.

[54:19] Everyone loves this food that Elliot hates.

[54:21] Anyway, you're saying that?

[54:22] No, avocado's filled with great, you know, healthy fats.

[54:25] Oh, yeah, healthy fats, the recording artist.

[54:28] Slash pool player.

[54:31] They ground up healthy fats and put them in avocado.

[54:35] I'm healthy fats.

[54:36] I'm not really very healthy.

[54:37] I'm a walking contradiction.

[54:40] So, wait.

[54:42] So, wait.

[54:44] Avocado looks like slime or given corporeal form.

[54:48] So, wait.

[54:49] Last letter.

[54:51] Okay, I don't know why you were, yeah?

[54:53] This one.

[54:55] Wait a minute, it might be a bit.

[54:56] This one is from David, last name with L.

[54:59] You better not be.

[55:00] Elliot's brother.

[55:01] Oh, God.

[55:02] Oh, it burns.

[55:04] Howdy, floppers.

[55:05] First of all, I cannot express.

[55:07] Don't take the fucking familiar with us.

[55:09] I mean, he is my brother.

[55:11] I cannot express how happy I was to hear Dan recommend the classic hockey documentary.

[55:16] Hockey-mentary.

[55:17] Sudden Death during your recent RIPD episode.

[55:24] As I was listening, however, I heard Dan refer to the now-raised Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh

[55:29] where the film takes place as a hockey stadium.

[55:33] At which point, an all-too-predictable light bulb went off in my head where I thought,

[55:36] it's an arena, Dan.

[55:38] It's an arena.

[55:39] It was at this point that Elliot chimed in with,

[55:42] I think they're called arenas, a sigh of relief.

[55:45] Oh, good.

[55:46] I finally live up to my brother's standards.

[55:48] I was reminded of a moment a few years ago when Jon Stewart referred to Hillary Clinton

[55:51] as Wolverine because she was a woman of steel.

[55:54] As I watched, I thought, but Wolverine's skeleton was bonded with adamantium.

[55:57] Only to see Elliot appear on screen and offer the same correction seconds later.

[56:01] Based on a true story.

[56:02] My conclusion, we are the dorkiest brothers in history.

[56:05] Either way, after hearing Elliot's on-air sports-related correction,

[56:09] I was finally reassured that all of my years of working and teaching had not been for naught.

[56:13] My work on this earth is done.

[56:14] Goodbye.

[56:15] Floats up to heaven.

[56:17] David Kaelin died on the way to his home planet.

[56:19] No!

[56:21] He was from another planet, I guess.

[56:24] Of my eldest brother, I could not have been more proud.

[56:26] Only brother.

[56:27] Also eldest.

[56:28] Yours in dorkdom, David Kaelin.

[56:30] Well, that's very sweet, David.

[56:31] Thank you.

[56:32] I love you, too.

[56:33] Very nice.

[56:34] That's a very sweet letter to end on.

[56:35] Thanks, Dan.

[56:36] And thanks, Dave, for writing it.

[56:37] Maybe the healing can begin.

[56:39] Dave, you know what?

[56:40] As a result, I will let you induct my son into being a Mets fan

[56:44] and never being happy ever in his life.

[56:47] So this is the point in the podcast, though,

[56:50] where we recommend movies that we've seen, usually recently.

[56:54] Or even just heard about.

[56:57] Anyway, so I heard there's this movie where a girl takes her boobs out.

[57:01] It's called Guardians of the Galaxy.

[57:05] No way, man.

[57:06] No way.

[57:07] No, no, seriously.

[57:08] They can't do that in a movie.

[57:09] No, we recommend movies that we like instead of, say, FAPS.

[57:13] Pardon me?

[57:15] Well, I sneeze on the podcast.

[57:18] Thank you.

[57:20] So, Stuart, you have your phone out as if you've made notes.

[57:23] What movie do you want to know?

[57:25] I've not made notes.

[57:28] Also, I want to point out that I

[57:30] He was frantically looking up that boobs movie I mentioned.

[57:33] Is it called Boobs, the movie?

[57:35] Yeah, I was looking at keywords, boobs, shirt off.

[57:37] You love the body part.

[57:38] Now watch the movie.

[57:39] Anyway, thanks, Stuart.

[57:41] I just want to point out that I earlier recommended Twin Sitters.

[57:44] You should watch that if you haven't.

[57:46] That is a good, bad movie.

[57:48] Definitely a bad movie.

[57:49] That is a very fun movie.

[57:51] It stars two twin brother barbarians.

[57:53] You should check it out.

[57:55] Twin brother barbarians.

[57:57] Call them barbarian brothers.

[57:58] I think that their career is that they're barbarians.

[58:00] They're not really barbarians.

[58:02] Yeah, they're named after their career.

[58:07] Like Archer or Cooper.

[58:10] These are all names that are...

[58:12] Yeah, Waiter.

[58:14] Repairman.

[58:16] These are all careers, I know.

[58:17] Genre repairman.

[58:19] Genre repairman?

[58:21] Yeah, like Guillermo del Toro or Christopher Nolan.

[58:27] So I'm going to recommend a movie that you've all probably already seen.

[58:30] But you should go see it again.

[58:32] It's called...

[58:34] It's the Lego movie.

[58:35] I saw it recently.

[58:36] It was great.

[58:37] I haven't seen that yet.

[58:38] A bunch of people recommended it on the Flop House Facebook group.

[58:40] And just in general.

[58:43] I'll go.

[58:44] It was really good.

[58:45] If you haven't seen it, you should go see it.

[58:48] It's a movie for children that doesn't rely on a lot of fart jokes.

[58:53] Or just stupid cutaways.

[58:57] It's genuinely moving.

[58:59] And there's some great voice talent without being overly distracting.

[59:02] Are you saying I should Lego my opposition to movies based on products?

[59:07] Now you're making a reference to the Ego ad campaign.

[59:13] Which the Ego movie is terrible.

[59:16] You were saying, run.

[59:17] It's just watching Steve Carell put his head on a pile of pancakes.

[59:22] It started as life as an Ego movie.

[59:26] No, he's saying, run.

[59:27] That joke made me so happy.

[59:29] He's saying, run.

[59:30] Don't Duplo to the Lego movie.

[59:33] No, this makes sense.

[59:34] Okay.

[59:36] So I guess the Lego movie.

[59:37] You've probably already seen it, but watch it again.

[59:40] Quickly, I want to recommend two, count them, two movies.

[59:44] Number one is a documentary called Beauty is Embarrassing.

[59:48] It's on Netflix streaming.

[59:49] It's about the artist Wayne White, who was the set designer for Pee Wee's Playhouse.

[59:58] And then went on to make the movie.

[1:00:00] Gary Panter was involved in that but like the Wayne White was the main Wayne

[1:00:09] White I mean well maybe I don't I don't know how to break down the breakdown I

[1:00:15] know that Gary Panter also was part of that I don't know what the breakdown is

[1:00:19] it like Wayne why I know did a bunch of the puppets for it so maybe that's maybe

[1:00:23] that's what I'm thinking of but um and he was like the voice of who was the

[1:00:29] bully character who always came down from the sea oh that we that mean kid

[1:00:32] yeah yeah the marionette but he also like late in his career I mean he did

[1:00:38] things like also like he did the the the George Meliae kind of influence smash

[1:00:43] your pop video but then late in his career he started doing these paintings

[1:00:51] that were just word paintings where he would paint on what do you call it

[1:00:58] landscapes that you would find in thrift stores and they're just sort of

[1:01:01] like funny crazy words painted over these landscapes but like I'm

[1:01:06] integrated into the land that's funny belt yeah but I mean and but he's a very

[1:01:11] interesting character himself he's kind of one of these guys that I think it

[1:01:14] like this this group that you don't necessarily see in pop culture that much

[1:01:20] Beatles but he's like a type of character that you don't see in fiction

[1:01:26] a lot but exists in real life which is kind of like this southern hippie and

[1:01:30] hippie like has like maybe a negative connotation to it that I don't intend

[1:01:34] but like foghorn leg but not not like your your aggressive hick but like a

[1:01:39] laid-back like kind of a live-and-let-live type southern guy but

[1:01:44] but also not not so much that but like a counterculture southern guy like a

[1:01:48] southern guy who's like had like kind of like has like crazy ideas and like this

[1:01:55] like crazy like counterculture creativity like Jefferson Davis but

[1:01:59] still like like Tennessee but still has sort of like this like grounding that

[1:02:04] you associate with someone like who came from like a very rural area and it's

[1:02:08] just an interesting sort of combination of traits that exist in real life but

[1:02:13] again you don't see in fiction so it's kind of he's a very interesting

[1:02:16] character I recommend the documentary allies of an inspiring documentary

[1:02:21] Beauty's Embarrassing. It's a BBC drama about a family law practice in the 18th

[1:02:30] century but I also watched the Seahawk Michael Cortez is a swashbuckler

[1:02:38] with Errol Flynn and you got Claude Rains as a very interesting I think bad

[1:02:43] guy in that movie because he's kind of a conflicted bad guy he's a he's an

[1:02:49] ambassador who doesn't necessarily want war to break out and has a lot of like

[1:02:54] familiar familial feeling for his niece who falls in love with Errol Flynn and

[1:03:00] so I feel like I don't know like I I like that in a lot of these old movies

[1:03:05] you'd have characters like these Claude Rain villains who had very sympathetic

[1:03:08] sides to them even though they were in opposition to your swashbuckling hero

[1:03:13] he's not just trying to find like a magic amulet or something yeah it was

[1:03:17] before they've thought that all anything involving fencing also had to

[1:03:21] have magic or ghosts in it yeah or a curse or a prophecy the Pirates of the

[1:03:27] Caribbean series I guess basically Pirates those are two movies I enjoyed

[1:03:33] quite a lot I'll recommend a movie I enjoyed a lot too why not that seems to

[1:03:38] be the theme tonight I'm gonna recommend an action movie from the 60s

[1:03:46] called action Jackson called it's called action it's not a movie so much

[1:03:50] as a TV show with Jamar but it's a movie called the professionals this is not the

[1:03:56] sequel to the professional in fact it predates it by nearly 30 years but uh

[1:04:01] the professionals with Burt Lancaster does star Natalie Portman no really

[1:04:06] portmanteau so it's Nellie Portman with two words put into one word it's got a

[1:04:11] great cast Burt Lancaster Lee Marvin Robert Ryan Woody Strode Jack Palance

[1:04:16] playing Mexican character Ralph Bellamy as an old man and Claudia Cardinal as

[1:04:20] one of two busty ladies in it who okay what's this movie it's called the

[1:04:26] professionals and it's one of these one of many Westerns set during the Mexican

[1:04:32] Revolutions the early 20th century and and Ralph Bellamy is a rich man who says

[1:04:37] his wife has been kidnapped by this Mexican rebel leader he hires a group of

[1:04:42] adventurers basically two of whom Burt Lancaster and Lee Marvin used to work

[1:04:46] with this rebel leader when they still believed in something and so they have

[1:04:50] to go into Mexico and kill roughly 300 guys and steal this woman back well

[1:04:55] that's also not everything is as it seems well that's what I was gonna say

[1:04:58] but that also was a movie that has a more complex morality I would say than

[1:05:03] most modern action movies even though most modern action movies seem to think

[1:05:07] that they're all gritty and like have interesting moralities it's a it's a

[1:05:10] movie in which the characters really have to like an illusion of post

[1:05:14] modernism yeah kind of but it's a movie where the characters really have to make

[1:05:18] moral choices about what's going on and what they're going to do and Lee Marvin

[1:05:22] especially feels like he's at a crossroads it's directed by Richard

[1:05:26] Brooks who's one of these directors that was never like one of the one of the

[1:05:30] legendary directors but was a very solid you know knew how to make a movie there's

[1:05:34] a lot of great shots in it of the desert that they're in and a busty ladies I'd

[1:05:39] hope there's some great shots of busty ladies and there's a great shot of busty

[1:05:44] I'll just strip to hot hot hot to call me busty point extra whatever it

[1:05:57] doesn't matter look we got to put this burlesque show together in 17 minutes or

[1:06:02] a nerd stripper and call yourself busty point extra that's a little less lazy

[1:06:11] yeah that we're still gonna end up dancing the hot hot maybe playing an

[1:06:15] electric violin at some point unless you're gonna strip to a fucking Weezer

[1:06:18] songs the nerdiest music there is but anyway but it's a lot of fun done the

[1:06:24] sweater song as your sweater slowly gets on it's pretty lazy and very boring

[1:06:29] to watch this is the craymaster cycle of burlesque routines the Berlin Alexander

[1:06:44] plaids of burlesque I've been sitting here for 20 hours she said it's still

[1:06:49] just up to her midriff haven't seen anything I couldn't see if I just saw

[1:06:54] her you know on the beach that's what makes it hotter it's like old Hollywood

[1:06:58] yeah cuz all those all that sweaters slowly unraveling by the end you're

[1:07:02] totally straining at your denim you know there's a denim seat belt strapping you

[1:07:09] in and you want to get away but the professionals look it up it's a lot of

[1:07:15] fun it's good solid action adventurism as they don't really make them much

[1:07:20] anymore so guys with BAPS we've completed our initials month here at the

[1:07:27] flop house you have an idea for a crazy finished our Ryan Reynolds Halle Berry

[1:07:37] month email it in to flop house at BAPS not RIP D dot matrix but uh what's the

[1:07:53] email address Dan oh geez it's the flop house podcast at gmail.com okay great

[1:07:58] and people should listen to the flop house right yeah and they should buy a

[1:08:05] shirt with our faces on it right yeah if you want that you can go to a store

[1:08:08] merchandise calm but enough shilling for ourselves we should barely shield at all

[1:08:15] let's chill for farmers insurance at farmers they know that you need

[1:08:20] insurance anyway that's not an official sponsor just the first thing that popped

[1:08:24] into my head probably because Almagical used to do commercials with them. Almagical to

[1:08:28] flop house fans so anyway enough gibberish for one podcast for the flop

[1:08:36] house I've been Dan McCoy over there is Elliot Kalin and right ahead of me I

[1:08:41] hope forever is Stuart Willington good night everyone

[1:08:44] Willington? Shut up man, if it's Willington, okay.

[1:08:58] The light bulb. Here's the kind of filament I'll use. David Lynch's Thomas Edison in

[1:09:06] what the fuck were they thinking when they cast David Lynch. The movie based on

[1:09:11] the book of the same name. Rated R. Oh wait I'll save the business thing for

[1:09:16] after business thing. It's very loose. Let me give you the business thing. Before you get the

[1:09:26] business thing, could you sign these papers? I need you to sign a waiver.

[1:09:31] Take a drink fellas, we're in for a long haul.

The Flop House: Episode #146 - BAP*S

Transcript

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The Flop House: Episode #146 - B*A*P*S

Transcript

Description

The Flop House: Episode #146 - BAP*S