The Flop House: Episode #148 - Gangster Squad

[0:00] Gangster Squad, in color!

[0:02] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse, I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:32] I am Stuart Wellington.

[0:33] And fiddling with my Stuart Wellington robot, I'm the mad Dr. Elliot Kalin.

[0:39] Elliot, I've been meaning to tell you to stop fiddling with your Stuart robot.

[0:43] Bleep, blorp, that feels good, boss.

[0:45] I bought it to fiddle with.

[0:46] You're going to go blind.

[0:48] Maybe he will, but not me.

[0:50] All right.

[0:52] My lenses are clouding up.

[0:55] Yeah, exactly.

[0:55] See, it's his problem.

[0:57] All right.

[0:57] Subot, I made you for pleasure, but not your own.

[1:01] i am a god-fearing christian robot wait what that means you'll he'll let you put it in the butt

[1:09] okay oh yeah well disgusting disgusting his robot dan what are these people sadly

[1:15] uh listening to against their will immediately pausing and then deleting what are they dragging

[1:21] to the recycling bin on their desktop uh this is a little podcast called i'm glad they're recycling

[1:26] it by the way what i'm glad they're recycling yeah it's gonna turn into a can or something like

[1:30] All these computer files

[1:32] If we didn't recycle them

[1:33] They just pile up

[1:34] There's that big patch

[1:35] Of computer files

[1:36] Out in the ocean

[1:37] That's a myth

[1:40] Oh

[1:40] This is a bad

[1:42] This is a bad movie podcast

[1:43] Guys

[1:44] What's it called

[1:44] The Flophouse

[1:45] I said that

[1:46] You know what let me say

[1:46] This is a podcast

[1:47] Called The Flophouse

[1:48] It's about bad movies

[1:49] Every episode

[1:50] We watch a bad movie

[1:51] And then we talk about it

[1:52] Dan seems to be

[1:54] In some kind of

[1:55] Semi-comatose hyperstate

[1:56] And Stuart's just

[1:58] Kind of drunk a little bit

[1:59] So I'll take the reins

[2:00] me ellie kaylan so today dan what movie did we watch a movie called hat detectives should have

[2:08] been called hat detectives it's called gangster squad a squad of gangsters i mean there's really

[2:15] no wrong it's a squad that fought gangsters dan are you even listening to what we're saying

[2:20] no he's saying that our characters are gangsters the gangsta yeah yeah well i mean it was a movie

[2:26] about is it is explain the movie the thin line between love and hate detectives and gangsters

[2:34] not really no but about using gangster tactics yeah when you stare at a monster be careful because

[2:40] that monster could be used yeah when you stare in the gangster the gangster stares back

[2:44] uh yeah anyway so let's talk about what happens in the movie okay okay so we watch this movie

[2:50] now elliot this is the part of the podcast where elliot talks about what the movie was actually

[2:54] Thanks for introducing it.

[2:56] Because you guys don't remember it.

[2:57] Now, everyone may remember this was a big release

[3:00] from a while ago.

[3:01] Star-studded.

[3:02] You got a lot of stars.

[3:03] Sean Penn.

[3:03] The sky was dark.

[3:04] Josh Brolin.

[3:05] Ryan Gosling.

[3:06] Emma Stone.

[3:07] Robert Patrick.

[3:09] John Pulido.

[3:10] Michael Peña.

[3:12] Michael Peña.

[3:13] Anthony Mackie.

[3:14] Huge stars.

[3:16] But it's a big star-studded.

[3:19] Giovanni Ribisi.

[3:20] Nick Nolte.

[3:21] Nick Nolte.

[3:22] And I was, before this movie came out,

[3:24] I was kind of hoping it would turn out to be really good.

[3:26] Directed by the guy who made Zombieland, which I like.

[3:28] I like a good old-fashioned gangster action movie.

[3:31] I like a lot of the cast members.

[3:32] You like a good old-fashioned squad movie, too.

[3:34] I love squad movies.

[3:35] Monster Squad.

[3:35] Monster Squad, Squad Monsters, all those movies.

[3:39] The Squad and the Whale.

[3:40] Yeah, Squad Squad.

[3:41] I didn't like that so much.

[3:43] It was depressing.

[3:44] It was kind of like a short story that they made into a movie.

[3:47] Squad Squad, which is about a squad that goes after squads.

[3:50] Like Incident on Owl Creek Bridge.

[3:51] Yeah, that has nothing to do with Squad.

[3:53] They didn't make it into a whole movie

[3:57] They made it into a short film

[3:58] That aired as an episode of the Twilight Zone

[4:01] So the year is

[4:03] 1949

[4:04] It's Los Angeles

[4:06] Hollywood land

[4:07] LA, the city of angles

[4:09] Every building's got at least four angles

[4:12] Circles? No thank you

[4:15] No thanks, no rounds here

[4:16] We like corners here in Los Angeles

[4:18] Or as we call it

[4:20] Corner-fornia

[4:22] Now

[4:24] I feel like that should be

[4:27] In something that's supposed to teach kids

[4:29] About geometry

[4:30] Like let's go to Los Angeles

[4:32] Cornerfornia

[4:34] Mayor Pythagoras

[4:36] Alright well save it for the Donald and Math Magic Land sequel

[4:40] You're pinning

[4:40] Yeah it gets really dirty

[4:42] Weird

[4:43] They're trying to find the algorithm for ecstasy

[4:46] Anyway so

[4:48] Crime is on the rise

[4:50] as gangster mickey cohen sean penn with like three pounds of latex slapped on his face for no reason

[4:56] uh is trying to drive out the east coast mob in the form of john palito's character and uh things

[5:03] forever being driven out by other mob bosses he's never the big mob boss although for him for me my

[5:10] favorite role of his is always the dry cleaning investment salesman who if i'm the man who wasn't

[5:15] there right i love that he goes when he raises his eyebrow and uh he goes was that a pass you

[5:21] just made could be he looks like a guy way out of line mister i'm sorry way out of line he looks

[5:28] like the type of guy i would ask hoagie advice from like where to get a really good hoagie sure

[5:34] i thought i'm saying you'd ask hoagie carmichael for advice about what to get john palito for his

[5:39] birthday i do that too yeah probably an ascot is what hoagie carmichael would say yeah or a piano

[5:44] or a CD of Hoagy Carmichael songs.

[5:46] Everyone loves him.

[5:49] Yeah, yeah.

[5:51] He's got what he said.

[5:53] I did.

[5:54] Well, he's dead, so maybe he said.

[5:55] Anyway, so in order...

[5:58] Welcome home, Hoagy Carmichael.

[6:00] Sorry, I just needed to say that.

[6:04] It's going to be a very different movie.

[6:05] Does it mean anything?

[6:07] Not connected.

[6:08] So luckily, there's some tough guys in town,

[6:12] such as Sergeant John O'Mara, Josh Brolin.

[6:16] He's a detective in the LAPD.

[6:18] And we are introduced to him as he saves a young girl

[6:21] from being forced into prostitution

[6:23] by a bunch of kind of rat-faced, frat-ish bad guys.

[6:27] And he busts his way into this...

[6:31] Into this frat party, is what you're saying.

[6:32] He busts his way into one of Mickey Cohen's fuzz castles

[6:35] in order to save this girl.

[6:38] Who's been shut up in a Murphy bed.

[6:39] And now, who is attacked and then shut into a Murphy bed, and Josh Brolin instantly, he

[6:46] tells us three things.

[6:47] One, he's a tough guy who's not afraid to take on Mickey Cohen, even though the rest

[6:50] of the cops are.

[6:51] Two, he wears a hat, much like every other character in this movie, including at one

[6:55] point, a dog.

[6:56] And three, he's got a penchant for hurting people's hands, in that he's fighting two

[7:03] guys in an elevator, and he sticks one guy's gun hand out the elevator side, so that when

[7:08] they go to the next floor his hand is i assume just swiped right off and possibly the high point

[7:12] of the film oh not possibly the idea that standing with his hand out it just chops his hand off like

[7:18] it's like a blade instead of like just knocking his hand or the only way the scene could have

[7:24] been better is if he raised up his stump and two spurts of blood came out oh anyway so he that

[7:31] impresses his boss nick nolte who's the chief of police who says look i know you have this like

[7:36] guerrilla warfare training from world war ii i want you to take on a new inform a new squad

[7:42] not on the books totally underground unofficial that will not gonna pay you anything that will

[7:48] just strike back at mickey cohen's money making institutions and kill his guys and stuff like

[7:52] that and that sounds pretty legal right uh it's totally not but they are the good guys and so

[7:59] josh brolin goes home to his pregnant wife who says i don't want you to do this they may just

[8:02] believe that mickey cohen's a super bad guy though at this point yeah he is the he is the gangster of

[8:07] all gangsters he even kills other gangsters yeah we saw him kill a gangster and beat up a punching

[8:12] bag right yeah yeah yeah he's a gangster only goes after the gangsters but we the movie opens with

[8:18] him uh killing a guy by chaining his by drawing and quartering with him with two cars and with

[8:24] and with a classic flophouse element with a voiceover it opens with a voiceover that's true

[8:29] He pulls them apart between two cars

[8:31] and then coyotes feast on them.

[8:33] And then some wild animals just come and eat them.

[8:35] And it's like, thanks, boss.

[8:37] I wish they had been like talking sidekicks

[8:40] like the eels in Little Mermaid

[8:41] or like Scars, hyena sidekicks in The Lion King.

[8:46] Like that would have been great.

[8:46] Or if there's a newspaper headline later on

[8:48] like coyote population starving.

[8:50] No, coyote population on the rise.

[8:53] Fat coyotes seen in town.

[8:55] It's worried they have a taste for human flesh.

[8:59] Look, we've got to get to the bottom of this fat coyote mystery.

[9:02] They're spreading their money around.

[9:04] Not catching any of the roadrunners.

[9:07] Think about how much this...

[9:08] They don't even care about roadrunners anymore.

[9:10] The roadrunner population is way too big.

[9:13] Those things are fucking hard to catch.

[9:13] Okay, here's the movie I wanted it to be.

[9:16] Gangsters feeding the coyotes on gangsters.

[9:20] Like they lose their ability to hunt.

[9:21] Gangster meat is delicious.

[9:22] Here's the movie I wish we had watched.

[9:24] It's called Animal Squad.

[9:28] And it's about a pest control guy who notices there's a lot of fat coyotes around

[9:33] and the roadrunner population is not being kept in check.

[9:36] So the coyotes must be eating something else.

[9:38] Finds out they're eating gangsters.

[9:40] Decides to take on Mickey Cohen because he's thrown off the natural order of coyotes going after roadrunners.

[9:45] Sure, and the sequel, he's like, these mongooses are getting fat and lazy and there's cobras everywhere.

[9:50] Exactly. Turns out a gangster is feeding things to mongoose.

[9:53] Anyway, it's called Animal Squad. $700,000. The story can be yours.

[9:58] So overnight his wife

[10:02] Who's a tough cookie herself

[10:03] Decides no he's got to do it

[10:05] And she helps him put together his squad

[10:07] She says don't go after the young

[10:08] High achieving detectives

[10:11] Because those are the guys Mickey Cohen's going to put on his payroll

[10:14] Because they're bound to rise to the ranks

[10:15] Go after the outcasts and the underdogs

[10:18] Yeah we've had lovable losers

[10:19] This movie has some slobs

[10:21] To take on the snobby gangsters

[10:23] Yeah in the summer camp

[10:25] Prank off that is Gangster Squad

[10:28] prankster squad would have been much better like they sneak into mickey cohen's house and replace

[10:33] all his clothes with smaller clothes so he thinks he's growing and then they replace those with

[10:37] bigger clothes so he thinks he's shrinking they take apart a car put it together inside of his

[10:42] office how am i supposed to get this out of here prankster squad they leave an old dead carp in

[10:50] his locker yeah that's gonna smell up the joint they shrimp him oh that's the worst so up until

[10:55] this point though there's there's been a this has been a pretty exciting opening it's been a pretty

[10:59] fast moving movie with a lot of action and ironically hit the brakes it starts to bog down

[11:04] when he puts the gangster squad together so he hires uh this oh this is the best part of the

[11:08] movie so one of them is a black policeman played by anthony mackie and anthony mackie is introduced

[11:14] to us by we're in i guess the los angeles equivalent of a harlem you know jazz joint

[11:19] it's all it's a black hangout and there's a drug dealer who's about to do something and then

[11:24] suddenly a knife flies out of nowhere and pins his hand to the wall and by which i mean a knife

[11:29] went right through his hand and anthony mackie steps out he's a master of the throwing blade i

[11:34] guess and and he and suddenly he's like not gonna have any of that in my part of town josh brolin

[11:40] steps out of nowhere i want to offer you a place on the gangster squad i like your moves so was

[11:45] josh brolin just following him waiting for him to prove himself or was he hanging around that

[11:49] joint waiting for someone to hurt a hand i'm like i want you on the hamster squad he just appears

[11:55] whenever justice is served he's like he's like the miss the phantom stranger or something yeah

[12:01] for the past hour he'd been telling that drug dealer to keep making that motion with his hands

[12:05] so i just keep doing it eventually i'll cover any medical damage you'll be on my insurance

[12:11] i just need to find someone who'll hurt your hand that way i need someone who's gonna throw a knife

[12:16] of your hand hit it with a blow dart chop it off with an axe hit it with like one of those bowling

[12:21] pin clubs people used to work out with back now because it's the past any of that stuff or maybe

[12:26] like a like a yo-yo that's a buzzsaw yeah yep that's any anyway tells him let's strike at the

[12:33] source of the drugs mickey cohen they get a wire tapper uh nerdy guy played by giovanni rubisi

[12:39] and they get so wait he couldn't play like the tough guy knife thrower he had to be the nerd

[12:44] No, he's the nerdy guy with the mustache

[12:46] and the character Dan liked the most.

[12:47] And a family.

[12:49] He's the only other member of the squad

[12:52] of the family. He's doing it for his boy's

[12:54] future while they watch a rocket

[12:56] fly into the sky.

[12:57] They also get an old

[12:59] West Gunslinger

[13:02] played by T-1000 himself, Robert

[13:04] Patrick, and he has a young

[13:06] Mexican sidekick

[13:07] who nobody likes on the regular force

[13:10] because they're racist, but Gangster Squad will take

[13:12] him in once he follows them and

[13:14] basically forces himself on them.

[13:16] Now, Josh Bolin wants Ryan Gosling to join.

[13:19] Ryan Gosling plays the part of Jerry Wooters,

[13:21] a name that seems to have come out of a Nexus comic book

[13:24] from the planet Ilum.

[13:28] But Jerry Wooters is a ladies' man

[13:31] who strikes up a relationship with Emma Stone,

[13:35] who is Mickey Cohen's girlfriend.

[13:36] And a shoeshine boy.

[13:38] Well, no, he doesn't have a relationship with a shoeshine boy.

[13:40] He's just friendly with a shoeshine boy.

[13:41] I mean, they're friends.

[13:41] A relationship doesn't necessarily mean sexual.

[13:44] Yeah, and there's a shoeshine boy he runs past every time he goes to see Emma Stone

[13:47] at Slappy Maxi's, a real-life nightclub.

[13:50] Slapsy's.

[13:51] Slapsy Maxi's, sorry.

[13:52] Slapsy Maxi's.

[13:52] A real-life nightclub.

[13:53] And he has a friend named Jack who keeps telling him,

[13:57] don't get involved with this girl.

[13:59] Mickey Cohen's going to kill you.

[14:00] But anyway, they have the gangster squad decides to go on.

[14:04] Slapsy Maxi's sounds like the type of bar that, like,

[14:07] Leela Chaney's band would play in an X-Men comic.

[14:10] yeah before uh like uh what were those characters that from excalibur that chris claremont became

[14:15] obsessed with like gate crashers or something like that technet yeah there's some stupid group

[14:20] of characters that show up a lot anyway whatever x-men comics what are you gonna do uh so the uh

[14:27] the gangster squad which at this point i decided to name the hat-headed handhut herders because

[14:33] they all wear hats they all hurt hands they all wear head hats they just they're head hats not

[14:38] Not like butt hats or foot hats, which would be bats or fats.

[14:41] Although there is a dog hat in the movie.

[14:43] Yeah, that's a dat, which stands for a dog head hat.

[14:46] Because you don't put it on a dog's butt.

[14:49] That would be crazy.

[14:50] And hilarious.

[14:51] In a movie.

[14:51] That would be, I guess, only a John Waters movie would do something so tasteless.

[14:56] I mean, that's comedy is about subverting expectations.

[14:58] Yeah, it's like, one, that's too subverting.

[15:00] You don't expect a dog to wear a hat unless it's like...

[15:01] No, of course not.

[15:02] Where's he going to buy that hat?

[15:03] And you totally don't expect him to wear it on his butt.

[15:06] That's where his poop comes from.

[15:08] the salesman will explicitly explain that's a head hat the salesman who's fitting the dog for a hat

[15:13] i think a hat salesman knows though that hat is as you said a contraction for head hat i hope it's

[15:19] the first thing they teach them is just redundant at that point no no but he would tell the customer

[15:23] that oh okay the customer would be like maybe they're from another land yeah where they don't

[15:27] wear like holland well because in holland hat means holland accessory towards the sun because

[15:37] the top of your head wait it's the part of your body that points towards the sun but it's an

[15:45] accessory that goes on that in holland okay so the holland word for hat the dutch word for hat

[15:51] is hat it just stands for something different okay it doesn't mean anything to do with your head

[15:55] yeah no no and uh if hats in holland of course is holland accessory towards the sun suckers

[16:00] it's weird that they use uh another country another language's term for their their nation

[16:05] look it's weird but that's what they do there in holland it makes sense yeah uh that's and i mean

[16:13] when they're weird what with their windmills oh no dan is alienating our fan base you're talking

[16:20] about lips you're talking about a country that a country that you're talking about a country that

[16:24] named itself after the rock duo holland oats so they're a weird country yeah the dutch super

[16:30] group holland oats or alternately the dutch brand of oats holland oats so gangster squad the gangster

[16:38] squad decides to hold up uh one of mickey cohen's casinos in burbank but there are some cops at the

[16:44] casino thing and uh the gangster squad looks like criminals because they're they've got bandanas on

[16:50] they're trying to rob the place there's a shootout shooting indiscriminately yep there's a shootout

[16:55] and...

[16:55] That guy's got an axe?

[16:56] I don't know

[16:56] what's going on there.

[16:57] Brolin and Mackie

[16:59] are taken in.

[17:00] They're thrown in jail.

[17:02] But luckily for them,

[17:04] but not so lucky

[17:04] for a certain

[17:05] shoeshine boy,

[17:06] it's at that point

[17:07] that Mickey Cohen's men

[17:08] kill John Pulido

[17:10] and in the crossfire

[17:10] kill the shoeshine boy.

[17:12] Jerry Wooters,

[17:13] our old friend,

[17:14] Ryan Gosling,

[17:15] sees the whole thing

[17:16] and decides

[17:16] now he'll join

[17:17] the gangster squad.

[17:18] Who will make

[17:20] my shoes shiny?

[17:21] My shoes are so dirty.

[17:22] They're not shining.

[17:25] and uh he says to somebody i assume in his head well he's shining shoes in heaven now

[17:29] even though you're in heaven you shouldn't have to shine shoes anymore yeah did you uh there's

[17:34] a case system up there case system i don't know man it's a cast system yes because everyone wears

[17:41] cast because their arms are broken from all the shoes they've been shining all right anyway he

[17:46] decides fine he's just a cast that's crazy you sign the cast he'll he'll

[17:50] that's your public service

[17:54] store wellington saying kids sign it don't shine it a message about casts

[17:59] brought to you by the american cast council

[18:02] they spend all day coming up with catchphrases what does the american cast

[18:10] council do they just raise public awareness of how to

[18:12] treat someone who has a new ways to itch underneath

[18:15] yeah that's part of it how can we make this itchier

[18:18] and dirtier. How do we keep this

[18:20] less smelly?

[18:21] Stick herbs in your cast.

[18:24] If you fill your cast with thyme and rosemary,

[18:28] it won't smell so bad.

[18:30] Also, maybe don't break your leg next time.

[18:32] Insert a layer of moss

[18:34] to wick away the sweat.

[18:35] And then, once you get your cast off, you can make a delicious

[18:40] stew out of it. Put maggots

[18:42] in to eat away the dead flesh.

[18:43] There is no dead flesh. I just broke my leg.

[18:46] Oh, get those maggots out of there.

[18:48] You just open the cast and your leg is a skeleton.

[18:50] Maybe they're piranhas.

[18:53] I don't know.

[18:53] Anyway, so Ryan Gosling decides, okay, I'm a gangster squaddie now.

[18:57] Puts on his hat, decides to hurt some hands.

[19:00] He goes to the jail and pretends to be Mickey Cohen's guy coming to pick up his targets.

[19:05] But uh-oh, the real guys show up.

[19:07] There's a shootout.

[19:08] And basically, just like the director, the guys at the jail let him do whatever he wants.

[19:14] Yes, yeah.

[19:15] Ryan Gosling seems to be in a different movie from everyone else.

[19:19] Everyone else is playing kind of like quick-talking 40s characters,

[19:22] and he is his regular kind of slow burn.

[19:24] Let's move a little slower in Ryan Gosling's movie.

[19:26] Here around Gosling, we like to take our time with line readings.

[19:30] It's like Schneider, or is that his name?

[19:36] Who's the guy who directed it?

[19:37] Fleischer.

[19:38] Fleischer.

[19:38] I knew it was a Jewish name.

[19:40] Fleischer was directing everybody else,

[19:42] And then Nicholas Winding Riefen was directing.

[19:45] Like, Ryan Gosling's like, I'm bringing in my guy.

[19:47] And Riefen's like, okay, just stare into the space for a little bit.

[19:50] Okay, now talk real slow.

[19:52] Anyway, he saves them, and they put a bug in Mickey Cohen's house.

[19:58] And with that information, they find...

[20:00] Like a Firefly?

[20:02] Like a listening device.

[20:04] Okay.

[20:05] No, it's not.

[20:05] They put a DVD box of Firefly in his house, and he's so busy watching it.

[20:11] And demanding they renew it for another season.

[20:14] Sure.

[20:14] Somebody do a Kickstarter.

[20:16] That he shuts down his gambling organization.

[20:18] But they find that he has this big plan.

[20:21] He's put together this telegraph wire system.

[20:24] He's going to control all the gambling and booking and bookie stuff on the West Coast.

[20:30] And as stewards of it are watching it, they make it sound like he's a supervillain with like a super weapon.

[20:34] That they need to stop it by a certain time or else he'll be unstoppable.

[20:38] Yeah, it'll be an unstoppable bookie operation.

[20:41] Basically, Josh Brolin says that.

[20:43] He does.

[20:43] After a certain point, this bookmaking operation is going to be impossible to stop.

[20:47] It's amazing how many times in the movie we predicted the lines they were going to say.

[20:52] There's one part where they're just in a police station, and a guy walked in, and I went,

[20:56] hey, boys, and then he said that.

[20:58] And later on, they're toasting their success as the gangster squad, and I was like, yeah,

[21:03] to gangster squad.

[21:03] And then Ryan Gosling says, to gangster squad, because they go on a rampage against Mickey

[21:09] cohen's stuff and the newspapers refer to them as the gangster squad they think they're vigilantes

[21:14] of some kind uh i want to point out uh nick nolte tells them uh don't just don't just shoot

[21:21] mickey cohen like if you do that other gangsters are just going to come in to fill the void i want

[21:26] you to destroy his organization so that nobody can have it again which is i guess uh an explanation

[21:32] that makes sense but more so it's just an explanation to keep the movie running longer

[21:36] Yeah, because if they killed Mickey Cohen, the movie would be over.

[21:38] And they're not an assassination squad, Dan.

[21:41] They're a gangster squad.

[21:42] They sure shoot the fuck out of a bunch of people, though.

[21:44] They kill a lot of people.

[21:45] There's a couple different action sequences.

[21:47] They're not bad.

[21:47] There's a good car chase where the bad guys are throwing a bunch of potato mashers at them.

[21:53] You're being pretty charitable with the term good.

[21:55] It's not that good, but I have to...

[21:58] As you said, all the action sequences make a lot of use of digital video.

[22:02] Yeah, so they're very blurry.

[22:04] It's the same, if you guys saw the movie

[22:06] Public Enemies, which was another modern

[22:08] gangster movie, which I think might have

[22:10] all been shot on digital video. And it was super

[22:12] blurry. And like Captain America,

[22:14] the action sequences were very

[22:16] clearly DV and were really blurry.

[22:17] I don't know why they think digital video is not

[22:20] blurrier than

[22:21] film.

[22:22] And I could be getting this, maybe it's all shot on DV.

[22:26] Maybe somebody's smearing

[22:28] stuff on their glasses.

[22:29] That could be it.

[22:30] We spent a good amount of the movie talking

[22:33] about how good Raiders of the Lost Ark is.

[22:35] Yeah.

[22:35] Oh, boy.

[22:37] If you want to see good action, good punch-em-ups.

[22:40] Yeah.

[22:41] Anyway, so there's a lot of back and forth with the gangsters.

[22:44] The Gangster Squad, this secret underground organization that nobody can know about,

[22:49] spends a lot of time hanging out in their spare time together.

[22:51] They have a barbecue at Brolin's house that the chief of police stops by.

[22:56] They're drinking together in bars, talking loudly about how they're the Gangster Squad.

[22:59] Look at those Gangster Squad t-shirts that they wear around.

[23:02] Yeah, yeah.

[23:02] Nick Foley.

[23:03] Nick Foley.

[23:04] Nick Nolte.

[23:06] Yeah, they hire

[23:07] Nick Foley, Mankind,

[23:08] and he's just like,

[23:09] yeah, I'm Gangster Squad,

[23:10] Nick Foley.

[23:10] Nick Nolte shows up

[23:12] and does his best

[23:13] Mr. Toad impression.

[23:14] Yeah, because he's,

[23:16] Nick Nolte seems to have

[23:18] somehow cloned himself

[23:19] and then eaten that Nick Nolte,

[23:20] so he's got twice

[23:21] the Nick Nolte in him.

[23:22] Sure, yeah.

[23:23] He's a big guy.

[23:24] He's preparing for that,

[23:25] what, the, like,

[23:26] the old mentor role

[23:28] for the upcoming

[23:28] Battletoads live action movie.

[23:30] Please don't tease me

[23:31] with the idea of a live action

[23:32] Battletoads movie. If it's not happening,

[23:34] I don't want to hear it. There's been such

[23:36] an advance in frogman technology since

[23:38] Hell Comes to Frogtown.

[23:39] But Mickey Cohen learns about

[23:44] that these guys are cops.

[23:46] He learns that there's a bug on him,

[23:48] and by feeding them...

[23:50] What?

[23:51] He goes, ah!

[23:52] Get away! Get away!

[23:54] Is it biting me? It's a piece of lint, sir.

[23:57] First off. It's I, Mickey Cohen's

[24:00] one weakness, a bug.

[24:02] of this one particular bug.

[24:05] He would say it a lot more like Big Boy Caprice

[24:07] than what you guys are doing.

[24:08] Sean Penn seems to think that he's playing Al Pacino

[24:11] in Dick Tracy, which is nuts.

[24:12] Which is nuts, but also not that far

[24:15] from what this movie is.

[24:16] It's one of these movies that is a little too

[24:19] over the top to be taken seriously,

[24:20] but it's not over the top enough to be really fun.

[24:23] So if they were going to go the Sean Penn route

[24:25] and just have everyone be over the top bonkers

[24:27] with makeup on their face, that would be fun.

[24:29] Or if they dialed it back and made it more like

[24:31] L.A. Confidential, that would be fun, but instead

[24:33] it's in this weird limbo where you can't

[24:35] take it seriously because Sean Penn has

[24:36] a child's idea

[24:39] of makeup on his head.

[24:40] You can't take it, but it's not goofy enough because the movie

[24:43] acts like we're supposed to give a shit

[24:45] about these characters.

[24:46] It's caught in the limbo between L.A. Confidential

[24:49] and Dick Tracy.

[24:50] It's like an unbaptized baby. It's just caught in limbo

[24:53] after it dies. It's like Dick Confidential.

[24:55] I was going to say

[24:57] L.A. Tracy.

[24:59] L.A. Tracy sounds great, too.

[25:01] Sounds like Dan has his magazine title, Dick Confidential.

[25:04] True, shh, stories about penises.

[25:07] The detective pulled his pants down.

[25:11] Here's the badge I need.

[25:16] The magazine's like, can we keep this between you and me?

[25:19] And then shows you a picture of a dick.

[25:20] There's a bunch of scenes in the movie where they show people holding copies of True Detective Magazine.

[25:28] it just made me wish i was watching that so i guess what i'm saying is movie if you're going

[25:33] to be bad don't put in a reference to a tv show that comes out a year after the movie does yeah

[25:37] anyway so they get bad mickey cohen feeds them false information that there's going to be a big

[25:42] drug uh operation in chinatown the gangster squad goes there but it's totally a trap squad assemble

[25:48] uh they they just going to assemble brolin mexican guy old gunslinger wooters but uh they go and it's

[26:01] a trap and uh mickey cohen's bodyguard the real life johnny stampinato and mickey cohen's a real

[26:06] life person too this is also one of those movies that's kind of loosely enough based on facts that

[26:10] they use people's real names but then all the heroes are made up characters you know uh you

[26:15] You mean Stabby Guy didn't exist?

[26:17] Which one was Stabby Guy?

[26:18] Yeah, the guy who...

[26:20] Mackie?

[26:21] No.

[26:22] Yeah, if that movie had been made 20 years ago,

[26:24] it would be Lou Diamond Phillips.

[26:25] Yes, yeah, exactly.

[26:26] And Ryan Gosling part would have been played

[26:31] by child Ryan Gosling as kid detective.

[26:33] So it's a trap.

[26:36] They blow up a truck.

[26:37] Nobody gets hurt,

[26:38] but at the same time,

[26:39] they find out where Giovanni Ribisi

[26:42] is listening in on Mickey Cohen's talking,

[26:44] and he gets strangled.

[26:45] And there's a part where

[26:47] Mickey Cohen is talking directly

[26:49] into the microphone going,

[26:50] talking about how a cop eavesdropped on him,

[26:52] and then suddenly the guy shows up

[26:54] and strangles Giovanni Ribisi.

[26:55] They had to have planned that shit, dude.

[26:57] Did he say like,

[26:58] I'm going to give a monologue.

[27:00] Wait till I say the part about eavesdropping cops.

[27:02] It's going to be great.

[27:03] He's going to be on the edge of his seat.

[27:05] I want to have that moment where he goes like,

[27:06] wait, is that me?

[27:07] And then you kill him.

[27:08] And the one thing I liked about that scene was

[27:10] there's an open furnace behind the bad guy,

[27:13] And while he's choking Giovanni Ribisi, he's stepping backwards.

[27:17] His coat catches on fire.

[27:18] And instead of him being like, what?

[27:20] Ah, ah.

[27:20] And that's saving Ribisi.

[27:22] He finishes strangling him and then calmly takes off his coat and stomps it out and then leaves.

[27:26] And it's like, this is a tough dude.

[27:28] He is not fazed by being on fire.

[27:31] This is the character the movie should be about.

[27:34] Not afraid of fire gangster guy.

[27:36] That's the title, by the way.

[27:38] Oh, I don't know if that's going to sell.

[27:40] Not afraid of fire gangster guy rated R.

[27:42] I'm imagining a comedy version of that scene.

[27:46] Fireproof.

[27:47] Where Sean Payne-

[27:49] Where it slips on a banana peel?

[27:50] No, Sean Payne gives the cue,

[27:52] like, policeman listening in on me,

[27:54] but tough guy is being distracted by,

[27:57] there's a skunk right next to him.

[28:00] He's like, I can't move.

[28:01] I can't move, the skunk's going to spray me.

[28:03] I'm going to smell all bad.

[28:04] And Sean Payne keeps going,

[28:05] the cop who is listening in on me.

[28:08] And Giovanni Ribisi's like,

[28:10] is he talking about me?

[28:11] The cop who bugged me and was listening on me at the time.

[28:16] I'm getting this all down.

[28:17] Who's going to be strangled in a moment.

[28:18] What are the odds that another cop was eavesdropping on him at some point?

[28:21] Too bad for that guy who was strangled.

[28:23] Yeah.

[28:24] It's too bad you weren't involved in the making of the movie Mafia.

[28:27] Jane Austen's Mafia?

[28:29] Yeah.

[28:29] Starring Jay Moore and Christina Applegate?

[28:31] Yeah.

[28:32] That movie has one joke in it I really like a lot, which is that Christina Applegate leaves

[28:36] for a long time, and then she comes back, and Jay Moore goes, you never even visited

[28:40] our son and christina goes we have a son somehow didn't know she gave birth to a child also there's

[28:46] a part where i think it's jay moore's mistress is throwing vases at him and because she's so mad

[28:51] and she picks up a dog and throws it and it shatters against the wall there's two good jokes

[28:57] than that now the scene where lloyd bridges is being shot and the bullets shake his body so that

[29:02] he does the macarena is not a good joke and if you're wondering why i remember jane austen's

[29:07] mafia a movie i saw once in the theaters when it came out almost 20 years ago this well i have no

[29:13] idea that's how my brain works it works stupidly of course i did you lose a bet no i loved but i

[29:21] loved like spoof parody abrams zucker sure and you had to take a girl on a date to a movie i mean

[29:26] what are you gonna do just take her to fazoli's yeah come on are we just gonna go to make out

[29:30] hill for the sub races i don't think so no you gotta give her some laughs first so you can uh

[29:34] warm her up i thought i would scare her with laughter and then she'd cuddle close to me

[29:38] she was afraid of laughter weird girl anyway so the uh but uh what was i talking about i don't

[29:48] know anyway i'm lucky that those like meet the spartans date movie type movies came out

[29:54] when i was old enough to recognize shitty movies so because if those had come out when i was 14

[29:58] i'd be like this is a comedy i have to see it you know yeah unlike i don't know ski patrol which i

[30:03] That was the funniest movie in the entire world.

[30:06] And I was wondering why I only saw it on video

[30:08] and not in the movie theater.

[30:09] I mean, it had already come out, right?

[30:11] Yeah, I mean, probably.

[30:13] But I can't imagine Fort Wayne, Indiana,

[30:15] the theater showed fucking Ski Patrol.

[30:17] I mean, they probably showed that before they showed, like,

[30:19] I don't know, Kiss of the Spider Woman.

[30:22] No, I totally remember my parents going to see

[30:25] Kiss of the Spider Woman one time.

[30:27] Oh, really?

[30:27] Yeah.

[30:28] And then coming back and going, needed more kissing.

[30:31] Yeah, I was staying at a babysitter that night,

[30:34] and I was like, I wonder what this movie's about.

[30:36] Kind of half woman, half spider.

[30:37] That's what I'm saying.

[30:38] Who kills you with kisses.

[30:39] It sounded great until...

[30:41] It's like I have a memory of my parents,

[30:43] me getting a babysitter so my parents could go see

[30:45] Crimes and Misdemeanors,

[30:46] and I only knew the character Misdemeanor

[30:48] from the show Cops, the cartoon.

[30:50] So I was like, this sounds like a movie I should see.

[30:53] Come on, it's got this character Misdemeanor

[30:55] from a show I watch.

[30:57] But no, it was a Woody Allen tale about morality.

[31:01] I also saw movies when I was a child.

[31:04] I remember a time my parents...

[31:06] This is about you getting a babysitter while your parents saw a movie.

[31:08] My parents went to a movie one time, and after the movie,

[31:12] my mother brought up the idea that my parents had to decide

[31:16] which movie they were going to see,

[31:17] whether they were going to see the movie with the beautiful woman for my dad

[31:21] or the movie with the hot guy for my mom.

[31:24] And I'm pretty sure the movie with the girl was Die Hard for my dad,

[31:29] which was kind of weird.

[31:30] I guess that's like his wife.

[31:33] And I think the movie for my mom

[31:35] was a movie with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

[31:37] That was the hunky guy?

[31:39] Yeah, I guess Arnold was the hunky guy for my mom.

[31:42] So was it like Hercules in New York?

[31:43] As I've gotten older, that's kind of rocked.

[31:45] That's kind of shaken my faith in both my mom and my dad.

[31:48] This reminded me of the time my dad

[31:51] organized a bunch of his friends to go see Godfather 3

[31:53] because he was so excited about it

[31:55] and just came home destroyed.

[31:56] He was so disappointed.

[31:59] Anyway, gangster squad, right?

[32:00] So Emma Stone decides she's going to leave Mickey Cohen.

[32:04] Now she realizes he's a violent gangster.

[32:06] He's having a fit.

[32:07] He's breaking shit.

[32:08] Ryan Gosling's friend takes her in, but Mickey Cohen tracks them down.

[32:12] Ryan Gosling's friend bravely defends her, and he is murdered.

[32:15] And Emma Stone sees the whole thing.

[32:17] She tells Ryan Gosling, you know what?

[32:19] I will testify as a witness that Mickey Cohen killed this guy.

[32:22] They get a warrant.

[32:24] The gangster squad, after being fired, is back on the job.

[32:27] They go to the Park Plaza Hotel where Mickey Cohen has holed up with his men,

[32:31] and everyone's like, it's a fortress.

[32:32] You're never going to get in.

[32:33] But Mickey Cohen has like eight guys.

[32:35] They're killed almost instantly by the gangster squad.

[32:37] There's a shootout.

[32:39] There's some more shooting.

[32:40] It's really anticlimactic.

[32:41] And then Mickey Cohen tries to escape in his car, crashes into a fountain.

[32:45] Basically, it's a fortress.

[32:47] But all the bad guys get out of the fortress so you can shoot them.

[32:50] Yeah, the bad guys do a lot of standing out in the open

[32:52] and firing over the good guy's heads

[32:55] while the good guys kill them.

[32:57] If you're going to be carrying a Tommy gun,

[32:58] you want to just fucking spray that shit all over the place.

[33:01] But spray it like at the level of the thing you're trying to hit.

[33:04] You can't just fire wildly.

[33:06] You don't want to make them duck their heads by spraying right over it.

[33:08] I'm spraying so many bullets,

[33:09] the odds are mathematically that one of them will hit the guy that I'm looking for.

[33:12] I'm trying to do a really sweet ricochet kill.

[33:15] Yeah, I want to get the bank shot points.

[33:17] So anyway, there's a bunch of shooting,

[33:20] and Mickey Cohen tries to escape, he doesn't.

[33:22] Josh Brolin throws his gun away, and they have a fist fight.

[33:24] And at some point, he gets the upper hand,

[33:27] but we weren't really paying attention.

[33:28] We were talking about Raiders of the Lost Ark.

[33:29] Yeah.

[33:29] Mickey Cohen gets beat up and humiliated

[33:32] in front of this spontaneously assembling crowd of cops and gangsters,

[33:36] who I guess were probably drawn to the area

[33:38] after the reports of an enormous gunfight that killed several people.

[33:42] Robert Patrick, the old gunfighter, gets shot and dies, unfortunately.

[33:46] Wait, he died?

[33:48] They didn't show him being put on the ground or anything.

[33:48] They don't show him dying, but you assume that he's dead.

[33:50] Really?

[33:52] I mean, you never see him again.

[33:54] Show me the body.

[33:55] Yeah, I want to see fucking grave dirt being thrown over a fucking pine box.

[33:58] Bring me his mustache.

[34:00] And then lightning hits the gravestone and his fist comes out, clutching a gun.

[34:03] That sounds awesome.

[34:04] Okay.

[34:05] Which is the way that League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, the movie, should have ended.

[34:08] But anyway, besides the point.

[34:10] Mickey Cohen goes to jail and everybody is happy, except the people who died.

[34:16] Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling are still together.

[34:19] Josh Brolin.

[34:20] And they've adopted Mickey Cohen's dog.

[34:23] Yeah, and put a hat on it.

[34:24] And they're immortal now.

[34:25] They live forever.

[34:26] And they appear in crazy, stupid love.

[34:30] Yeah, it's the same characters.

[34:31] Same characters.

[34:32] That's cute.

[34:33] I guess they forgot about each other, like fucking C-3PO.

[34:37] Yeah, it's like they got Wolverine.

[34:38] They forget about it.

[34:41] The immortals forget about each other.

[34:42] Oh, yeah, that was really stupid.

[34:44] And Josh Brolin quits the force to spend more time with his wife and his baby

[34:48] And tosses his badge into the ocean

[34:50] Tosses his baby

[34:51] That's a big baby dude

[34:54] That will clog the ocean

[34:55] Is there a drain?

[34:58] We've got to get this baby out

[35:00] The curtains won't move

[35:02] Is that why there's so much water in the ocean?

[35:04] Is the drain got clogged?

[35:05] By some fat baby

[35:08] Why is there so much water in this ocean?

[35:11] When the gangsters learn of the

[35:12] Gangster Squad's identities

[35:14] They shoot up Josh Brolin's house

[35:16] and his pregnant wife

[35:18] in the night

[35:19] gives birth to the baby

[35:20] and he finds her

[35:21] in the bathtub

[35:21] bloody from

[35:22] delivering the baby

[35:23] and this baby is huge.

[35:25] Yeah, that's why

[35:26] she's so bloody, dude.

[35:26] It is a huge

[35:28] it's like

[35:28] she gave birth to

[35:29] a little man

[35:30] and the baby's a girl

[35:32] because she's wearing

[35:33] a dress later.

[35:34] Roland's like a big ox

[35:35] of a guy.

[35:35] I mean, you know.

[35:36] Oh, you're saying that

[35:37] it works that way.

[35:38] You're saying he came to her

[35:39] in the form of an ox

[35:40] like Zeus and Europa.

[35:41] Yeah.

[35:41] Oh, boy.

[35:43] Anyway, so

[35:44] Gangster Squad ends.

[35:45] Do you think Europa was like

[35:46] why couldn't he come in like a form

[35:48] of a golden shower or as a swan?

[35:50] Yeah, one of the easiest. Why do you have to be a fucking...

[35:52] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[35:54] A nice relaxing shower

[35:57] that leaves you impregnated by the gods.

[35:58] And it's gold. It's worth a ton of money.

[36:00] It's super classy like champagne and

[36:02] balloons. Yeah, there's just molten gold

[36:04] raining down on you from the sky. It hurts a lot.

[36:06] Congealing into

[36:08] dinosaur poop like in

[36:09] was it Stolen?

[36:11] Yes, yes. Gold turns into

[36:14] dinosaur poop in that movie we watched one time.

[36:16] Yep. So that's Gangster Squad.

[36:18] It ends on a happy note, and

[36:20] L.A. is free from

[36:23] crime forever.

[36:24] Yeah. And

[36:26] good thing that the L.A. Police Department

[36:29] was never corrupt again. Never

[36:30] ever.

[36:31] Geez. I

[36:34] feel like this movie

[36:36] had a lot of

[36:39] plot without much happening.

[36:40] I mean, the movie

[36:42] looked okay the production design in the movie was really good like it was a good the the costumes

[36:48] were good the sets were good the cars were good everyone looked good except for sean penn because

[36:54] he looked like he did his own makeup at a silly putty in front of a mirror like an old british

[36:58] thespian but but the uh but there was just like for a movie that should have had a really intricate

[37:05] plot like we should there should have been twists and turns we should have gotten to know the like

[37:10] how mickey cohen's empire operated or it should have been like a dumb like just shoot them up but

[37:15] at least the scenes are connected to one another in a way it was neither of those you know it

[37:20] wanted to be two different types of movies it wouldn't be a stupid action movie and some kind

[37:23] of historical drama and it fails pretty much on both counts yeah let's just i mean like we should

[37:29] do final judgments whether this is a good bad movie a bad bad movie or movie kind of like i'm

[37:34] gonna say like i i've i've talked less than normal this podcast part of that's just yeah you okay you

[37:41] seem like you took a lot of codeine i'm very tired i'm exhausted today but also there's just not i

[37:48] don't have a lot of strong feelings about this movie like this is a real bland movie in a lot

[37:53] of ways i liked a lot of the action sequences if they actually if the whole movie was amped up like

[37:58] some of those the whole movie involved a car driving around throwing grenades out the back

[38:03] of it people's hands being cut off by elevators yeah well those are the good parts then yeah but

[38:08] otherwise i think this was a bad bad movie too now dan oh wait let's do final judgments then i

[38:13] said i want to ask you i'm gonna say i'm gonna say it's a bad bad movie but it was there's moments

[38:18] where it's close enough to a good bad movie that you might enjoy it if that's what you're looking

[38:22] for i would say it's a good bad movie it's not good bad in that like let's watch it and have a

[38:26] lot of fun making fun of it but like if it was on tv on like a sunday afternoon you had nothing to

[38:32] do and you watched it you'd be like all right that was gangster squad like you wouldn't two

[38:35] hours closer to death now yeah there are better things to watch like go watch raiders the lost

[38:40] ark but the but if it's or listen to a couple of great podcasts who knows yeah but like if you're

[38:45] on a plane you don't want to you saw the other movies you don't have a book with you you know

[38:50] what watch gangsters yeah they're showing an old movie on a plane for some reason nowadays

[38:54] what are we gonna do so they do show movies from within the past couple years

[38:58] oh i can watch classics depending on what yeah classics like gangster squad so dan you you uh

[39:05] don't like in movies when people get hurt in the knee because of your knee injury do you think it's

[39:09] insensitive that you're like yeah more hand injuries please when there's probably some

[39:13] poor dude who broke tor's hand acl and now he's really hurt and he doesn't like it when people

[39:18] get their hands hurt in movies are you a hand a crit no no i mean like uh you know uh scholars

[39:24] of Flophouse mythology

[39:25] know that I have

[39:26] hooks for hands.

[39:27] And so I just want

[39:30] more people to join me

[39:31] in my brotherhood

[39:32] of hooking around.

[39:34] Hooking around.

[39:36] The happy hooker

[39:36] they call me.

[39:37] No, I don't think so.

[39:39] Franken-hooker.

[39:40] You know, after you're dead

[39:41] and you get reanimated.

[39:42] Yeah, yeah.

[39:43] By a bolt of lightning

[39:44] you're in a grave.

[39:46] You stick a gun out.

[39:47] Yeah, you're a real

[39:48] Hollywood chainsaw hooker.

[39:49] I'm a real

[39:52] ghost of Washington.

[39:52] You want to encourage people.

[39:54] You're a real hook.

[39:54] A movie starring Dustin Hoffman about hookers.

[39:58] You make it sound like it's a command in the title.

[40:04] Hook.

[40:05] You work in the streets, Dustin Hoffman,

[40:07] but I'm an Academy Award winning actor in my 70s.

[40:10] Now you work for me.

[40:11] I'm turning you out.

[40:12] Wear the Tootsie outfit.

[40:17] Your name's Cherise Starlight.

[40:19] Put on the Tootsie dress.

[40:21] Get out to Hollywood Boulevard.

[40:23] So you want to encourage our listeners to lose their hands

[40:26] in some kind of horrible accident.

[40:27] Yeah.

[40:28] Yep.

[40:29] You can quote me on that.

[40:31] Sure.

[40:31] So if they see a fan and they're fighting that urge

[40:34] to stick their hand in that fan.

[40:35] Just stick it in because Dan wants you to have a hook for a hand.

[40:37] Feel the rhythm of the night.

[40:38] So let's just move on to letters while we still have time.

[40:43] This first one's titled U.S. O'Tour.

[40:48] First letter, it's the first letter.

[40:51] not the worst letter it's the best letter we don't know yet we haven't read the letters could

[40:58] go either way so what do you say let's start that first letter today no further ado this letter's

[41:05] for you first letter of the night watch out doesn't bite it's the first letter so let's get

[41:12] it started it's the first letter oh open-hearted first letter for stewart and dan and me just

[41:19] this is the first letter

[41:20] don't you see it's the first

[41:23] letter of the night for us

[41:25] so let's get going with the

[41:27] first letter tonight

[41:29] and here it comes

[41:31] that first letter here

[41:33] Dan's gonna read it right into

[41:35] your ear the first letter

[41:37] you can't stop me

[41:39] from singing about it

[41:40] singing out loud it's the first

[41:43] letter for tonight

[41:44] in a meeting at work

[41:46] and one of the fellow writers looks over

[41:48] to me who listens to the podcast looks over at me and says can you do something about this uh isn't

[41:53] that yours they haven't listened to the podcast it's not even on the podcast i can't be on the

[41:57] podcast number two this is not my jurisdiction my songs are like a runaway train unstoppable

[42:01] yeah so uh again again you wouldn't remember this because there was a lengthy letter in between

[42:10] here's a reminder of the subject for the first letter subject was uso tour the subject was roses

[42:16] a uso tour that's probably about you or me plop house podcast while i was looking

[42:22] while i was looking at the facebook photos of the daily show uso tour my daughter wandered by

[42:29] upon seeing the photo of elliot in a protective suit being attacked by a dog she asked

[42:34] why is that dog attacking her oh come on i corrected her saying that's a guy to which

[42:39] she replied oh well my mistake oh okay my question to you is was getting attacked by

[42:45] dog's the most macho masculine thing you've ever

[42:47] done? And if not, what would you say was the most

[42:49] macho thing you've ever done? Keep up the good work

[42:51] and sorry for the nine-year-old girl

[42:53] emasculation. Maybe, uh...

[42:54] I spent a lot of my youth being mistaken

[42:57] by strangers for a girl, which made no sense

[42:59] because I didn't look like a girl.

[43:01] It's your high cheekbones. Well, I mean,

[43:03] I have a certain feminine

[43:05] sensuality that I think came out when I was a

[43:07] child, so... I can sense that you have a

[43:09] girl twin. Yeah,

[43:11] and it rubbed off on me, yeah. So I might

[43:13] have a double x chromosome floating around in me somehow i picked up in the womb well in middle

[43:18] school one of my mother's work colleagues came up to her and suggested that i might have uh some

[43:23] kind of learning disability just from the way that i was acting so i i feel your pain elliot

[43:29] being mistaken for things yeah it sucks dan of course everyone always knew what he was just a

[43:34] dude just some guy just palling around with terrorists now are they asking me what the

[43:39] most masculine thing i've done is yeah i think it was not wasn't that not being attacked by a dog

[43:43] but at a different point in that trip firing a truck mounted 50 caliber uh weapon i think was

[43:49] probably the the most you stopped an army of bad guys right no i just fired into a big pile of sand

[43:54] uh and i did unfortunately because they don't do this anymore i didn't get to fire it from the top

[44:00] of the truck i didn't get to kill any nazis because they stopped doing that like 1945 what's

[44:05] the deal yeah uh they don't let you they don't fire them from the top of the truck anymore because

[44:11] that leaves you too exposed they have a joystick within the truck that fires it but that was

[44:15] probably it so you got to hide inside a truck and play with the joystick yeah but every time you

[44:19] fire it truck shakes okay then it was when i shot with the other types of guns i shot over there

[44:24] that was when that was the trip where they said okay these guns i think it was the m it was the

[44:29] either the m4 or the scar which are two different types of weapons they have they both sound cool

[44:33] they said there's three settings there's single shot then there's semi-automatic which is a three

[44:37] shot burst then there's automatic which is a lead in a legal setting in the states you can only have

[44:41] that in war zone so you can set it to whatever you want and all of us were like automatic of

[44:45] course that's what we want it to be set to the one we can't do at home and let me tell you uh

[44:50] a lot of really hard to hold on to a gun that is in automatic mode and i was so worried i would

[44:56] lose control and kill everybody that i started bouncing around killing all the bad guys but

[45:00] There were no bad guys there.

[45:01] It was all good people.

[45:02] I've met some of the people you're on tour with.

[45:07] I was worried it would be like a fire hose in a cartoon

[45:09] and I would just lose control of it and fly into the air.

[45:11] Then you'd put out the fire.

[45:13] Through accidental gun bursts.

[45:16] Yeah, you'd shoot the fire.

[45:18] No, we'd shoot a fucking avalanche or something

[45:21] and then snow would put out the fire.

[45:23] Who knows?

[45:23] It was a real Dyatlov Pass that we were in.

[45:26] Okay, so this next letter goes thusly.

[45:30] hey guys i'm a big fan and first time letter writer i love you guys you're all equally my

[45:35] favorite whisper to elliot you're really my favorite thank you i recently moved you should

[45:40] be made the boss of the flop house oh i'm already dan's boss in one area i don't need to be it in

[45:44] two dan keep reading the letter you're fired i recently moved and collected many boxes from

[45:50] my parents attic inside i found two mini boxes like the boxes that like individual

[45:54] Manny Faces.

[45:55] Manny Boxes.

[45:56] Oh, like the He-Man character.

[45:57] From my parents' attic.

[45:59] Inside I found two, yes, two copies of the original More Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark.

[46:04] I know you all were traumatized by this book as kids, as was I, and I think the better for it.

[46:09] It will certainly help with my new job as priest in charge of a small parish in Long Island.

[46:13] My new job as scarer in chief.

[46:15] Sure.

[46:16] As local crazy man.

[46:18] Driven insane by finding those books in an attic.

[46:23] No, but a priest in Long Island?

[46:25] A priest in Long Island.

[46:27] Well, maybe it won't, but I can stay up late at night

[46:29] under the sheets of the flashlight and scare myself.

[46:31] Anyway, my point, I'm willing to part with one copy of this masterpiece

[46:35] if any of you gents would like it,

[46:36] or perhaps another ill-defined contest would be in order.

[46:38] Whatever you like.

[46:39] Or if you would like it, please send me an address.

[46:42] I promise not to stalk you.

[46:43] Keep on flopping.

[46:44] The Reverend Lauren, last name withheld.

[46:46] I read this to say, please do not send this book to me.

[46:49] Because it's going to frighten you?

[46:51] Bury it in the yard.

[46:53] Put it in the yard, and maybe an evil baby will grow out of that book.

[46:56] Yeah, a real evil Timothy Green.

[46:59] A scarecrow will come out.

[47:01] Sure, a horrible pumpkin head.

[47:03] If we can make children out of horror books, then maybe we can make a pencil out of children.

[47:07] That's the scary life of Timothy Green.

[47:13] I think what you need to do, it's clear what you need to do with that book, which is give it to a child so they can be traumatized by it and grow up into a cool adult.

[47:22] Yeah.

[47:23] Maybe become an illustrator

[47:25] themselves.

[47:25] Buying magazines, cutting the eyes out of all the

[47:31] faces, pasting them up

[47:33] in, I don't know, you might call it a dungeon.

[47:35] You might call it, who knows, a basement?

[47:37] Maybe a dungeon full of evidence, let's say.

[47:39] Sure, who knows.

[47:39] This next letter is titled,

[47:42] Allie Larder is obsessed.

[47:44] Dear Floppers, after hearing you discuss

[47:47] obsessed, I was curious.

[47:49] That was a long time ago.

[47:50] Yeah, I was curious what Allie Lauder's underwear

[47:52] in the car scene actually looked like.

[47:54] We discussed she had some mismatched lingerie.

[47:57] I honestly don't even remember.

[47:58] Maybe I think she was wearing like water wings

[48:00] and like a tutu and maybe like an old-fashioned

[48:03] strongman's leopard skin leotard.

[48:05] Just everyone out there, Google Allie Lauder lingerie

[48:08] and do it at work.

[48:09] Okay.

[48:09] But she headed to Google.

[48:12] When I clicked on one of the pictures,

[48:13] I was surprised to find out it was from an article

[48:15] on a style website that gave an in-depth backstory

[48:19] to the Ahem Outfit.

[48:20] Here are some of the highlights.

[48:22] This is from the article.

[48:24] In one of the movie's hotter scenes,

[48:26] Larder's Lisa Sheridan surprises

[48:28] the object of her desire, played by Idris Elba,

[48:31] with the old nothing but silk

[48:33] and lace under the coat trick.

[48:34] Note, I love how they describe this

[48:36] as an old trick, a la the popcorn trick

[48:39] mentioned in an earlier Flopcast.

[48:40] That's probably what they were thinking when they said that.

[48:42] Lieberman says Larder came up

[48:45] with the idea for the... Joe Lieberman?

[48:46] The former senator?

[48:48] they came up with the idea

[48:50] Lieberman says

[48:53] Lieberman says Larder came up with the idea

[48:55] for the vintage inspired ensemble herself

[48:57] the lingerie was

[48:59] 100% Ali's idea Lieberman said

[49:01] she wanted to avoid anything stripper

[49:03] inspired because she felt strongly that

[49:05] her character would pick something high fashion and sophisticated

[49:07] I

[49:09] really love that Ali Larder was

[49:11] worried about whether her psycho stalker

[49:13] character might be seen as too slutty

[49:15] Lieberman used

[49:17] two pieces from two different sets and dyed

[49:19] them to match. I also love that the

[49:21] floppers' fine eyes from lingerie

[49:23] were 100% accurate in noticing that the underwear

[49:25] and bra were not a match set,

[49:27] despite a costume designer's best attempts to

[49:29] fool them. I don't want to get into the details

[49:31] of why, but we have

[49:32] experience looking at ladies in lingerie.

[49:35] The final look? Classy,

[49:37] sexy, and surprisingly demure.

[49:39] A nice change, no doubt, for

[49:41] an actress who first made headlines

[49:43] wearing nothing but a whipped cream bikini in

[49:45] 1999's Varsity Blues.

[49:47] She made headlines?

[49:48] Was that on the cover of the Times or something?

[49:50] Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

[49:52] And we've got to put out an extradition.

[49:53] Actress wears...

[49:55] Extradition.

[49:56] Extry, extry.

[49:56] Read all about it.

[49:57] Actress wears whipped cream on boobs.

[49:59] Here, give me that paper, kid.

[50:00] Larder lathers boobs.

[50:01] Holy jeez.

[50:02] It's just like he says.

[50:03] Shoeshine boy.

[50:04] Take a look at this.

[50:05] Oh, no.

[50:06] I'm shot to death.

[50:06] Awooga.

[50:07] Awooga.

[50:08] Buddy, are you going to get in the cab or not?

[50:10] Hold your horses.

[50:11] Where's the fire, buddy?

[50:12] Check out this paper.

[50:14] Then FDR gets on the radio.

[50:16] My fellow Americans, we've all seen the headlines.

[50:19] Allie Lager has whipped cream on her boobs.

[50:21] I have declared a state of emergency.

[50:25] All men are to turn in their erections right now.

[50:27] We are assembling a crack team to lick the whipped cream off.

[50:31] She says, they did it, you guys.

[50:35] The psychotic stalker looked classy, sexy, and demure.

[50:38] And Idris Elba did not react like he smelled something bad at all.

[50:42] All the best, Anne-Marie, last name withheld.

[50:46] So that was a pretty exciting piece of trivia.

[50:49] Thanks for reminding us of a thing we saw.

[50:51] Yeah, it was an old blast from the flop past on this podcast.

[50:55] And now for the last letter, I assume.

[50:59] If we weren't fooled by that lingerie, a ladies' man like Idris Elba,

[51:02] that guy's not going to be fooled.

[51:04] No, come on.

[51:05] He'd be like, no, thank you.

[51:06] I'll just play my tiny accordion.

[51:08] That's why he went back to Beyonce, you know?

[51:11] This note makes no sense

[51:14] why you would ever consider leaving

[51:15] Beyonce for Allie Larder.

[51:17] If you're going to have him

[51:21] plausibly

[51:22] tempted

[51:24] away from his wife, don't cast

[51:26] one of the most beautiful women in the world.

[51:28] Maybe he's too intimidated by her.

[51:30] He's afraid to approach his wife

[51:31] because he's afraid of rejection.

[51:32] My husband's never even talked to me

[51:37] because they're too intimidated by my beauty

[51:39] and my success.

[51:41] keeping with the theme,

[51:42] our final letter is titled

[51:45] Good Bad Boobs, Bad Bad Boobs,

[51:47] or Boobs You Kind of Like.

[51:48] Okay, this episode took a turn.

[51:49] It's real minefield.

[51:50] It's from Trisha, last name withheld.

[51:52] Oh, so it's cool because it's a girl, right?

[51:54] Hey, OP.

[51:55] Could be a man named Trisha.

[51:56] What's flopping?

[51:56] Yeah, I guess you're right.

[51:57] I think it's a girl, though.

[51:58] I was hoping the subject line

[51:59] would get the attention of the number one pervozoid,

[52:01] who, rest assured, Dan,

[52:02] is my favorite flopper

[52:03] simply because he has the same last name

[52:05] as my boyfriend, Chris, last name withheld.

[52:07] Anyway, I just had two questions for y'all.

[52:10] How can I put the clues together?

[52:12] So first off, she said that Dan's her favorite flopper.

[52:16] And she has a boyfriend, so her butt is on limits.

[52:18] I read one that complimented Elliot.

[52:22] Come on.

[52:22] I was wondering if any of you had seen Nailgun Massacre.

[52:27] It's a bad, bad movie that both of my parents are actually in.

[52:31] And growing up, I thought I was the only person that had ever seen it.

[52:34] And other classics they produced, such as Reanimator Academy and Irving Peaks.

[52:39] Until years ago when I was in college

[52:40] and saw Nailgun Massacre on video store shelves

[52:42] and then the Alamo Draft House

[52:44] featured it as one of their Terror Tuesday films.

[52:47] So just sing if you knew it.

[52:48] If you don't, seriously, don't bother.

[52:50] I was aware that there was a movie with that title.

[52:53] I don't believe I've seen it.

[52:55] Stuart?

[52:55] I haven't seen it.

[52:56] I'm not familiar with it.

[52:57] But congratulations on having Nailgun Massacre parents.

[53:01] And stumping us.

[53:02] Yeah.

[53:03] But number two, boobs.

[53:04] As a representative...

[53:06] Yeah, that's usually how many there are.

[53:08] As a representative of the Petite Ladies with Little Boobs Rotary Club.

[53:12] Seems like a weird club.

[53:13] I was wondering if you guys really are grossed out by skinny chicks

[53:16] with less to offer in the bosoms department.

[53:18] You praise HOTS, the Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure, and the like,

[53:21] while eschewing such ladies as Allie Larder for their slight frames

[53:25] and less than blossoming bosoms.

[53:27] So come on, do smaller boobs really get...

[53:29] Is this an Allie Larder-themed mailbag?

[53:31] Yeah, it's called producing a show well.

[53:34] I don't know anything about that.

[53:36] Do smaller boobs really get zero

[53:38] wormy boners? Love the Flophouse

[53:39] regardless of your stance on bazoombas.

[53:42] Keep it up, dudes. Trisha, last name withheld.

[53:44] Now, look, we all

[53:45] men have their types.

[53:47] All men have their types, but that doesn't mean we're

[53:49] blind to other forms of female beauty.

[53:52] Right, Stuart?

[53:53] Wait, what?

[53:54] I think Stuart might be blind to

[53:57] non-giant boob female beauty.

[54:00] I have always been a proponent...

[54:01] A giant boob is a bit of an exaggeration.

[54:03] Okay, I have always been a proponent

[54:05] that what is attractive

[54:06] is a proportional body,

[54:10] whatever the size of it.

[54:11] Even if that proportional body

[54:12] is a female gremlin body,

[54:14] Dan is up for it.

[54:15] Dan is totally into it

[54:16] if the ears are gremlin proportioned

[54:18] to the rest of the body.

[54:19] No, no, I'm quite fond

[54:22] of the smaller breasts

[54:24] as well as the larger breasts.

[54:25] This is making me so uncomfortable.

[54:27] I mean, we were asked directly.

[54:28] We were, but you chose the letter.

[54:30] Trust me, we get a lot of boring letters.

[54:34] Look, let's just say

[54:35] When it comes to the fluffers

[54:36] We're all gentlemen and it's the full package

[54:39] Both physical, mental, and spiritual

[54:40] That attracts us to a woman

[54:42] Except in Dan's case it's often a wife's butt

[54:44] And in Stuart's case it's boobs

[54:46] And beer

[54:48] If she brings beer and a pizza

[54:49] And holds a mix of the boobs

[54:51] We all have very successful long term relationships

[54:55] Let's point this out

[54:57] We're not monsters

[54:58] No we're not monsters

[55:00] Except for Stuart who's a werewolf

[55:01] I was bitten by a magical gypsy

[55:05] Who gave me lycanthropy

[55:07] Do you like how I said lycanthropy weird?

[55:11] Yeah I did

[55:12] But we were so distracted by it

[55:13] That it was a gypsy that bit you

[55:15] So the gypsy put a curse on his magical bite

[55:18] It was a dude gypsy

[55:19] He smeared

[55:20] Yeah so we were wrestling around

[55:24] I thought we were just playing

[55:25] And he took a big bite out of my leg

[55:27] And then he smeared wolfsbane in the bite

[55:30] And that made me a werewolf

[55:31] yeah okay not really how it works i mean i i knew him for a couple of hours we were having drinks i

[55:37] met him at this bar and then we started wrestling at this bar wolfies yep uh so uh rest assured and

[55:47] do not be afraid all of us would find you attractive yeah well we just don't want to

[55:52] you know let's not contribute to any body dysmorphia out there everyone's beautiful

[55:57] okay so something positive came out of this experience yeah that was nice yeah

[56:01] dan that you see you're the most inspiring pervasoid there is um so but to move on suffice

[56:07] to say what however you look as long as we'll find a way to objectify you as a sexual object

[56:13] boy howdy will i anyway so letters are over so uh next somebody shut up the mailbag

[56:20] throw that shit in the ocean next to my badge and that big baby

[56:24] um so lastly on this podcast we uh make recommendations of movies that we've seen

[56:33] usually recently that uh we liked better than say gangster squad movies we think you should

[56:41] actually watch elliot what do you have to plug i haven't seen anything on behalf of someone else

[56:46] i haven't seen the movie i haven't seen anything lately that i really loved but i decided hey

[56:52] gangster squad you know what that's about gangsters so i'll recommend two gangster movies that i like

[56:57] a lot i'll recommend a kind of classic 30s gangster movie and a later you know more modern

[57:04] gangster movie so i'm going to recommend one the roaring 20s starring james cagney and humphrey

[57:09] bogart uh which is kind of a classic late 30s throwback to early 30s gangster movies telling

[57:15] the story of one main gangster and a couple others through the roaring 20s and their rise and fall

[57:20] Is that a Raoul Walsh movie?

[57:21] It is a Raoul Walsh movie, yes.

[57:22] I think they're playing that actually at the Brooklyn Academy of Music

[57:25] as part of the Martin Scorsese Raoul Walsh.

[57:28] Because they're brothers.

[57:30] Because Scorsese was so influenced by Raoul Walsh.

[57:34] So if you're in the Brooklyn area and this hasn't already aired afterwards.

[57:38] No, I think they'll miss it.

[57:40] Then you know what?

[57:40] Just get a DVD because it's available.

[57:42] But The Roaring Twenties, it's a great classic snappy gangster movie

[57:46] with a tragic ending as they all did back then.

[57:50] And then, you know what?

[57:51] Go read Robert Warshaw's essay, The Gangster is a Tragic Hero.

[57:53] Why not?

[57:54] And the other movie I recommend is Kung Fu Hustle.

[57:57] Yep, that X gang was the top gangsters, is the movie The Friends of Eddie Coyle,

[58:03] directed by Peter Yates, 1973, one of Robert Mitchum's best movies,

[58:08] especially of his later movies.

[58:10] Peter Boyle's in it too, and it's a picture of a time when gangsters were a lot less glamorous

[58:16] and a lot more gritty.

[58:18] And it's just another great movie about gangster betrayal

[58:21] and the tragedy that happens

[58:23] when your life gets mixed up with gangsterism.

[58:26] Did you screen that, the 92Y?

[58:28] No, I wanted to, but I think they did it another time

[58:33] or we couldn't get a print of it.

[58:35] Because I really wanted to.

[58:36] It's a really good movie.

[58:36] I may have shown it once at my house.

[58:39] Stuart, do you want to go or shall I?

[58:42] Sure, I'm going to continue this theme of gangster movies

[58:45] and recommend Manhunter from 1986.

[58:48] I don't know if I'd call it a gangster movie.

[58:50] With the greatest game of all, Hannibal Lecter.

[58:54] Lecter?

[58:55] Now, what makes Hannibal Lecter a gangster?

[59:00] Well, he's played by a popular Cockney actor, Brian Cox.

[59:06] But he's not involved in organized crime in any way.

[59:09] I mean, Rico's statutes would take him down.

[59:13] Oh, you don't need him because he's killing people and eating them.

[59:16] Spoiler alert.

[59:18] It said that he's already in jail when the movie starts.

[59:21] Sure, and it rhymes with cannibal.

[59:23] I get it.

[59:23] So I've been doing some prep lately for a piece I'm doing

[59:29] for the upcoming I Love Bad Movies issue.

[59:31] And so I've been re-watching some of the Thomas Harris-based

[59:37] Hannibal Lecter movies.

[59:40] Like your favorite one, Red Dragon.

[59:42] and manhunter which is based on the novel red dragon but not to make fun of manhunter in this

[59:47] i love bad no you like no no no i like you're gonna make one cannibal rising i'm uh no i'm

[59:51] making fun of hannibal the ridley scott movie oh yeah you mean the continuing adventures of

[59:56] hannibal lector yeah brain eaters i love story the adventures of cannibal man animal the new bed

[1:00:02] it is i'm kind of surprised they didn't just keep going with movies where he became a superhero

[1:00:07] and it was eventually just like popeye but he eats people instead of spinach

[1:00:11] and coming up with food puns um so man hunter uh this was an early michael mann movie um it

[1:00:19] stars william peterson finally cis csi csi yeah no the culinary institute of science uh and

[1:00:28] everybody's favorite love interest tom noonan yeah i'm playing a mr sex people magazine sexiest

[1:00:35] man alive 2002 forever tom noonan um playing uh playing uh buffalo bill right uh no he's not

[1:00:43] i mean the dragon the dragon tooth fairy tooth fairy francis dollar i got the i got the non

[1:00:49] hannah blighter serial killers and thomas harris movies mixed up and although it although it isn't

[1:00:53] it doesn't follow the uh the the original novel as closely as the later brett ratner directed red

[1:00:59] dragon uh it's a better yeah it's a much better movie and uh what is it does it use in a gallop

[1:01:06] devita i believe yeah yeah so the iron butterfly they shot a scene with tom noonan where he had

[1:01:12] the big dragon tattoo on his back and then they redid it with him wearing a shirt because they

[1:01:17] thought it looked too ridiculous yeah which is something that brett ratner would never do no

[1:01:21] instead brett ratner has has the villain and maybe this is in the book but i don't remember it because

[1:01:26] I don't remember the book that well.

[1:01:27] Go and find the original William Yates drawing of,

[1:01:30] sorry, William Yates.

[1:01:32] William Blake.

[1:01:33] William Blake.

[1:01:33] Ugh, I'm getting all over the place.

[1:01:35] William Blake drawing of the red dragon and eat it?

[1:01:37] That happens in the book.

[1:01:38] Does that happen in the book?

[1:01:39] It's such a weird move to have a real painting

[1:01:42] be eaten by your character in a story.

[1:01:45] He kills people.

[1:01:47] Art eater.

[1:01:49] Manhunter art eater.

[1:01:51] Manhunter colon art eater.

[1:01:54] So Manhunter, if you like Hannibal Lecter

[1:01:56] but want to see him played by

[1:01:58] Brian Cox

[1:01:59] Agamemnon himself

[1:02:02] Agamemnon

[1:02:03] If you want to see Striker from X-Men 2

[1:02:07] in a jail cell

[1:02:08] If you want to see

[1:02:11] the therapist from Running with Scissors

[1:02:12] eating people

[1:02:15] it's implied

[1:02:16] What other Brian Cox roles

[1:02:19] are there that I can reference

[1:02:20] I think my favorite part of that movie is

[1:02:23] the shot of brian cox sitting in his cell impatiently waiting for him for a phone call

[1:02:29] and it's like such a like by the time uh that uh that annie hopkins was playing hannah blacker he

[1:02:35] was too like invincible but brian cox plays him as this like petulant jerk who is really childish

[1:02:41] and i like that um so i would like to recommend a movie that i watched video on demand less emotion

[1:02:48] dan um okay too much you're really over overwhelming everybody i wanted i would like to recommend the

[1:02:54] movie grand piano starring elijah wood uh the voice of john cusack and weirdly alex winter

[1:03:05] as a henchman i don't know what's so weird about that he's a working actor um yeah even even alex

[1:03:11] winter's gotta eat yeah come on you haven't seen him in a while freaked 2 isn't coming out he's

[1:03:15] got to get other work but um it's a movie that when i saw the trailer i'm like what the fuck is

[1:03:20] this how can they make this a movie it's basically a phone booth except for instead of keith or

[1:03:24] keith or no keith or sutherland yeah instead of keith or sutherland uh keeping uh colin farrell

[1:03:32] in a phone booth it's uh john cusack has uh elijah wood in his sights and elijah wood has to play

[1:03:39] this whole piano uh recital the symphony recital uh including playing this incredibly complex

[1:03:46] unplayable piece without messing up any of the notes or else he will be shot and he his wife

[1:03:52] will be shot in the in the the opera box now does he have is he have extra fingers like that pianist

[1:03:58] in gattaca he does not that's gonna make it more difficult but um it is it is an absurd premise but

[1:04:04] is luckily matched by really melodramatic amped up directing like it's a camera swooping around

[1:04:11] uh there's like kind of a split screen effect at one point it's very early brian de palma uh and

[1:04:17] that's late brian de palma i mean more like sisters yeah i mean like this is definitely

[1:04:24] in that hitchcockian mode there's something actually very classic about the way this early

[1:04:28] brian de palma you mean like hi mom yeah like greetings no uh but there's something phantom

[1:04:34] of the Paradise. But there's something very

[1:04:36] classic Hitchcock

[1:04:38] about the feel of the movie.

[1:04:40] Because it's a stripped down thriller

[1:04:42] about an ordinary guy

[1:04:44] other than him being a grand pianist.

[1:04:47] And it has nothing to do with a phone booth.

[1:04:50] I don't know. I mean, that was

[1:04:52] just a comparison Dan was making.

[1:04:53] So he's not on the phone with the guy?

[1:04:56] The final solution...

[1:04:57] There's like a thing in his ear?

[1:04:58] There is an earpiece, yeah.

[1:05:00] The final solution for why...

[1:05:01] The final solution.

[1:05:03] That's offensive.

[1:05:04] I can't believe you'd support that.

[1:05:07] The final revelation of why John Cusack

[1:05:09] is doing this is pretty dumb.

[1:05:12] There's no

[1:05:14] not dumb reason for him to do it.

[1:05:15] The only not dumb reason

[1:05:17] would be maybe his mother was killed by a piano

[1:05:20] and now he's trying to torture

[1:05:21] a piano. I don't know.

[1:05:22] No, even that's stupid.

[1:05:24] Maybe he's just the best piano coach ever.

[1:05:28] That could be it.

[1:05:29] He's the Bellicorosi.

[1:05:31] like an explanation like he just wants to hear a beautiful piece played totally well but um it's

[1:05:38] it's just it's just stupid fun but it's a well put together throw stupid fun says dan mccoy check

[1:05:43] your brain at the door says dan mccoy but keep the receipt because they won't give you your brain

[1:05:49] back without it and somebody else is going to take your brain it's going to be the lost and

[1:05:54] found box for like a month and be normal my brain what are you talking about thought it was your

[1:05:59] brain it doesn't even fit in your head yeah exactly meanwhile you're dead because your

[1:06:02] brain got taken out of your head why did you check your brain i don't know it's a transformer i don't

[1:06:10] know anything anymore because my brain's gone it's a transformers yeah that's the type of movie you

[1:06:14] check your brain at the door for yeah no that's true it's not a transformer it's a much better

[1:06:18] no it's a train it's called transformers for a grand piano the piano turns into a robot that

[1:06:24] saves him yeah it blocks the bullet and then bites his hands off just like in the movie gangster

[1:06:31] okay hat headed hand herders the movie all right rated h for hats and hands

[1:06:40] rated double h uh triple h hats hands and hurt all right let's john dorst by wrestler triple h

[1:06:48] And by Preparation H

[1:06:51] Let's close the door on this episode

[1:06:53] The only way to prepare a hat

[1:06:54] Preparation H

[1:06:57] Smear Preparation H on it

[1:06:59] Then put it on your head

[1:07:00] Which is also an H

[1:07:02] Then put it on your butt

[1:07:03] Much like that dog that we talked about earlier

[1:07:06] Best Flophouse callback ever

[1:07:10] Theoretical dog you've suggested

[1:07:12] Or a hound if you want to use an H

[1:07:17] Another H

[1:07:18] So many H's

[1:07:19] Too many stupid callbacks

[1:07:22] Let's stop

[1:07:23] Now it belongs to the H's

[1:07:25] For the Flophouse

[1:07:29] I've been Dan McCoy

[1:07:30] I've been Stuart Wellington

[1:07:32] And I've been Elliot Kalin

[1:07:34] Good night everyone

[1:07:36] H

[1:07:48] i had fun talking to scott tobias over twitter today about blood rain because he was talking

[1:07:57] he wrote a piece about blood rain on uh by the way i think it's funny that the only dissolve

[1:08:02] article i've talked to any of the writers about blood rain uh i just called him i mentioned that

[1:08:10] he didn't he did not mention billy zane in his description and i feel like it's an oversight

The Flop House: Episode #148 - Gangster Squad

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