The Flop House: Episode #151 - Any Which Way You Can

Dan McCoy

[0:00] Worlds collide in this crossover with We Hate Movies as we review the second part of the Clint Goes Ape duology any which way you can.

[0:30] Hey everyone and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[0:40] Welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Stuart.

Elliott Kalan

[0:43] Hi. Welcome. It threw me off Stuart that you didn't say your last name.

[0:48] And welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:49] I like to keep you guessing.

[0:51] Yeah.

[0:52] As to how much you're going to forget of your own name.

Dan McCoy

[0:54] Exactly. This time it was one half.

[0:57] So this is a bit of a special episode of the Flophouse.

[1:00] We're going to learn a lesson.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02] It's a very special episode of the Flophouse.

[1:04] Stuart, you have an addiction to fun.

[1:08] And Dan, I'm divorcing you.

[1:10] Okay.

[1:11] Whoa, it's a double special episode.

[1:12] It's two specials, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:14] You and Stuart still love me the same, right?

[1:16] Even though...

Elliott Kalan

[1:16] You're kind of the reason that...

[1:18] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19] You're the reason I'm having too much fun is because, I don't know, your vanilla humanness has bored me.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25] What?

[1:26] He's got to make up for it without having too much fun.

[1:28] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:29] This is actually a special episode because...

Elliott Kalan

[1:32] It's the part two of a pod crawl.

Dan McCoy

[1:34] Yes.

[1:34] We have teamed up in a...

[1:37] Let's call it a Marvel DC style crossover.

[1:40] We're Marvel.

Elliott Kalan

[1:41] Awesome.

Dan McCoy

[1:42] With We Hate Movies.

Stuart Wellington

[1:43] So I'm Venom, you're Gambit, and you're...

[1:46] Why am I Gambit?

[1:47] And Dan Cyclops, right?

Elliott Kalan

[1:48] You're Gambit, Dan Cyclops, I'm Beast.

[1:50] Can I be Carnage?

[1:51] Why would you want to be Carnage?

[1:53] Because he's cool.

Stuart Wellington

[1:54] He's a terrible character.

[1:55] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:56] Continue, Dan.

[1:56] Point is, popular bad movie podcast.

[2:00] We Hate Movies.

Elliott Kalan

[2:01] Watched every which way but loose.

[2:03] The first iconic Clint Eastwood orangutan bare knuckle fist fighting trucker movie.

[2:09] And we're bringing up...

Dan McCoy

[2:10] Part of the which way series of movies.

[2:12] Of which there are two.

[2:14] For now.

[2:16] And we're bringing up the rear of the duology with Any Which Way You Can.

Elliott Kalan

[2:19] Yeah, Stuart, you raised an interesting point.

[2:21] When are they going to do the reboot of the series where Clint Eastwood hands off the orangutan

[2:25] to a younger generation?

[2:26] Yeah, there's...

Stuart Wellington

[2:28] Like a Channing Tatum or a...

[2:30] Tatum Channing.

[2:31] I don't know.

[2:32] Whichever way you want to do it.

[2:33] Any Which Way You Can, say his name.

Elliott Kalan

[2:36] A Channing Tatum may...

[2:37] And the monkey will be played by...

[2:39] Cam Gajanda.

[2:40] Ape.

[2:40] He's an ape.

[2:41] He's not a monkey.

[2:42] He's an orangutan, which is an ape, and not a monkey.

Stuart Wellington

[2:44] So any jokes using the phrase monkey business automatically dequeued.

Elliott Kalan

[2:49] Let's just ban right now.

[2:50] Monkey business, monkeying around, hey, hey, we're the monkeys, monkey wrench, or I don't

[2:56] know, like...

Stuart Wellington

[2:57] If you really like the movie, you can't say you're going ape over it.

[3:00] No, you can say that.

[3:00] Oh, I can say that.

[3:01] Yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[3:03] That's a...

[3:03] He's a great ape.

[3:05] He's one of the apes.

[3:06] Yeah.

[3:06] He's a really great ape.

Stuart Wellington

[3:07] He's a great ape.

[3:09] I mean, he was.

[3:10] Spoiler alert.

[3:10] That ape died.

[3:11] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[3:12] Well, why don't...

[3:12] Yeah, why don't we bring him down?

[3:13] We're talking about each other.

[3:14] At the very beginning by talking about animal cruelty.

Elliott Kalan

[3:17] Well, this movie is a great example of animal cruelty.

[3:20] So if you...

[3:20] It was cruel to us.

[3:21] The human animal.

[3:22] The human animal.

Stuart Wellington

[3:23] So if you...

[3:24] As Desmond Morris would say.

[3:25] If you want to learn what we're talking about, you can run on over to We Hate Movies and

[3:29] listen to their first installment where they talk about the first one.

Elliott Kalan

[3:32] And then come back to us right now for the second installment where we talk about this movie,

[3:37] which is now.

[3:38] So, any which way you can.

[3:40] It's the sequel, right?

[3:41] Some would say squeak wool, but they'd be wrong.

[3:43] There are no squeaking animals in this.

[3:45] Orangutans, according to this movie, make the sound of farts with their mouths and also

[3:49] punch people.

[3:50] Yeah.

[3:51] A lot of punch sound effects and tearing cars apart.

[3:53] This...

[3:54] Whoever invented the punch sound effect made a lot of royalties off this movie.

[3:57] Let me tell you.

Dan McCoy

[3:59] There's a lot of smacking of lips.

[4:03] Between Clyde and...

[4:05] They kiss once.

[4:07] I don't...

Stuart Wellington

[4:07] I mean, he kisses a lot of people.

Elliott Kalan

[4:09] He does.

[4:09] That's true.

[4:10] He kisses a guy in a bar.

[4:11] But he only kisses Clint Eastwood once.

[4:13] Okay.

[4:13] It reminded me...

[4:13] The whole time I just kept thinking about the episode of The Critic where he watches one

[4:17] of these movies and Clint Eastwood's asleep and Clyde starts kissing him and he goes,

[4:20] someone's kissing me.

[4:22] It must be a beautiful woman.

[4:23] Now I'll make sweet love to you without opening my eyes the entire time.

[4:29] That's kind of not that far from the movie in a lot of ways.

[4:33] Yeah, we'll get into that.

[4:34] I feel like...

[4:34] Are we gonna...

[4:35] Now, this is gonna be a hard movie to summarize because there's very little plot.

Dan McCoy

[4:38] Yeah, well, this is the part of the show usually where Elliot would summarize the movie.

[4:42] I feel like this movie was made as a cruel joke to you.

[4:46] Somehow Clint Eastwood would be like, someday there's gonna be a punk who's gonna try and

[4:50] make fun of me.

[4:51] I'm gonna make it as hard as possible.

[4:53] It's not a bad Clint Eastwood impression.

Elliott Kalan

[4:54] It's not a bad Clint Eastwood.

[4:55] Have you been working on that one?

Dan McCoy

[4:56] Now, what would happen if Clint Eastwood met Michael Caine?

[4:58] I think it would go a little something like this.

[5:03] Hey, Michael.

[5:05] Hello, my friend Clint Eastwood.

[5:07] And scene.

[5:08] Okay, now what if Dracula was there?

[5:12] Whoa.

Elliott Kalan

[5:13] Clint Eastwood of the night.

[5:14] What beautiful music you make.

[5:16] Okay, now Henry Kissinger's there.

Dan McCoy

[5:19] I can't believe I'm meeting Clint Eastwood.

[5:22] That's pretty good.

[5:23] That's pretty good.

Elliott Kalan

[5:23] Okay, now what does Clint Eastwood say to Henry Kissinger?

[5:25] Because they're both Republicans.

[5:28] Stay the course, buddy.

[5:29] You're doing a great job.

[5:30] Okay, now what does Pee Wee Herman say when he gets there?

[5:32] Oh, I can't do it.

[5:34] It's terrible.

[5:35] Wow.

[5:35] Terrible one.

[5:35] I was ready to go.

[5:36] That was more of a goofy than anything.

[5:38] Yeah.

[5:38] Like, there's a reason.

[5:40] That was great.

[5:40] That was like a dog, man.

Dan McCoy

[5:41] It was a great Pinto Colvig impression.

[5:44] There's a reason they call me not the next Rich Little.

Elliott Kalan

[5:47] Yeah.

[5:47] No, yeah.

[5:48] They do call you that.

[5:49] Yeah.

[5:49] Not necessarily the Rich Little.

[5:51] Yeah.

[5:52] So, wait.

[5:53] Hold on.

Stuart Wellington

[5:53] This movie is like if somebody drew a bunch of cartoons of scenes featuring the same characters

[5:59] on a poster and then you just kind of looked at it all at once.

Elliott Kalan

[6:04] Like a Jack Davis poster?

[6:05] It is one of those things you're watching and you're like, is this like an adaptation of

[6:09] a book of short stories about Philo and Clyde, the bare knuckle boxer and his orangutan

[6:15] buddy?

[6:16] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[6:16] It takes a long time for any sort of story to kick in.

[6:19] There was some sort of blue collar PG Woodhouse out there that they discovered these stories.

Elliott Kalan

[6:26] Peggy Woodhouse.

[6:28] A stay-at-home mom in Billings decided to write this.

Stuart Wellington

[6:31] Like a real murders in the room org.

[6:34] Not at all in any way except it has an orangutan in it.

Elliott Kalan

[6:36] Yeah, that's what I meant.

[6:37] Although Clyde, you have to assume, murdered a number of people.

[6:41] He punches a lot of people in this so hard that they are immediately knocked out and probably

[6:44] dead.

[6:46] So, anyway, here's the movie.

[6:48] I want to hear where you start with this one.

[6:49] The first movie established that Clinius would have Philo Beto, a truck driver, bare knuckle

[6:56] boxer with his best friend Orville and an orangutan named Clyde who he just happens to have

[7:00] around all the time.

[7:00] So the orangutan has the most normal name of the three of them.

[7:03] Philo, Orville, and Clyde?

[7:05] Yeah, I guess so.

[7:06] They also live with Ruth Gordon, Orville's mom.

[7:10] The actor Ruth Gordon?

[7:12] Well, the character played by Ruth Gordon in the role of sassy old lady.

[7:16] Yeah.

[7:16] Does she have sex in this movie?

[7:18] Yes, she does.

[7:18] You better believe it.

[7:19] We'll get there.

[7:20] She kicks a guy in the nuts, then has sex with him.

[7:23] We call it the old Ruth Gordon.

[7:24] Sure.

[7:25] That's to swell up his gentleman's leg.

[7:26] Well, that's why if you hire a prostitute and you say, give me a Ruth Gordon, she kicks

[7:29] you in the nuts, then has sex with you.

Dan McCoy

[7:31] Yeah.

[7:32] A Cleveland Ruth Gordon is a different thing, though.

Elliott Kalan

[7:35] Yeah, yeah.

[7:35] That's when you do it in Cleveland.

[7:37] Yeah.

[7:39] You just name it after whatever city you're in at the time.

[7:42] Give me a Newark Ruth Gordon.

[7:43] Yeah.

[7:44] Sorry.

Dan McCoy

[7:45] We're in Boise.

[7:46] And if you're on the...

[7:48] It's going to take a while.

[7:49] Yes.

[7:49] If you're on the space station, you say, give me a space Ruth Gordon.

Elliott Kalan

[7:52] Oh, yeah.

[7:52] Of course.

[7:52] Because everything's space in space.

[7:54] Yeah.

[7:54] Hand me that space soda.

[7:55] I want a space drink and so forth.

[7:57] I need a space straw.

Stuart Wellington

[7:58] Mm-hmm.

[7:58] It costs a lot of space bucks, that space Ruth Gordon.

Elliott Kalan

[8:01] Can you give me a space massage?

[8:02] I'm feeling a lot of space aches in my space shoulders.

[8:05] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[8:07] Such a waste of time.

Elliott Kalan

[8:08] Do you want a happy space ending?

[8:09] Yeah.

[8:10] And so forth.

[8:11] That's a space massage thing.

[8:13] Yeah.

[8:13] Don't go into those space parlors.

[8:14] They're just, you know, they're not good for you.

[8:17] Okay.

[8:17] That's a space joke.

[8:18] So this movie takes place in space.

[8:20] So in the first movie, they live in California.

[8:23] It's a very blue-collar milieu.

[8:25] And this is a movie that was made at a time, late 70s, early 80s.

[8:28] This movie came out in 1980 when it was like kind of...

[8:31] the beginning of the end of the era of Hollywood making a lot of movies about blue-collar people.

Dan McCoy

[8:37] Let's call it the Hal Needham era.

[8:39] Even though this was not directed by him.

Elliott Kalan

[8:40] I mean, it's Hal Needham-ish in which case, because there's a lot of like car chasing and fist fighting.

[8:46] But there were movies like, say...

[8:47] If CB radios was a genre, then that would be...

[8:49] Yeah, okay.

[8:50] These types of films.

[8:51] Because then there were other movies that were like Fat City about blue-collar people that is not Hal Needham-esque in any way.

[8:56] Sure.

[8:57] But you got your two strains of blue-collar movie.

[8:59] Your low-key character studies about depressing stuff.

[9:03] And yeah, and your Hal Needham-type movies about fist fights in bars and honky-tonk music.

[9:07] And orangutans riding around in trucks.

[9:09] Beer trucks.

[9:10] Let's face it, date-raping other orangutans.

[9:12] Smashing into things.

[9:13] As we'll get to it.

[9:14] But anyway, so that's...

[9:15] The first movie established those things.

[9:17] And Sandra Locke, Clint Eastwood's at the time real-life girlfriend, plays his movie love interest, but they have a falling out.

[9:23] So this movie starts...

Stuart Wellington

[9:24] I mean, in the movie, she's running a scam on him.

[9:27] Yeah, in the first film.

[9:28] And he keeps following around.

[9:28] Like the whole point, like the title of the movie is about this.

[9:31] Yeah.

[9:32] So it has nothing to do with the orangutan on the poster.

Elliott Kalan

[9:34] Which makes...

[9:36] If the orangutan's on the poster, again, he should be the star of the movie.

[9:40] Or...

[9:40] It's what made it the second highest grossing film, right?

[9:44] And now this movie didn't do as well as that one.

[9:45] This movie was only the fifth highest grossing movie in 1980.

[9:50] But so, this movie starts off...

[9:53] Clint Eastwood has his last bare-knuckle fight for a while in a quarry or an oil refinery pit or something.

[9:58] Yeah, something like that.

[9:59] It looks like where the good guys live in Road Warrior, basically.

[10:02] Yeah.

[10:02] But it's in the middle of somewhere in California.

Dan McCoy

[10:04] Yeah, and this is one of these movies that we've talked about before where people are famous for things they should never be famous for.

Elliott Kalan

[10:10] He is a bare-knuckle pit fighter, but he's somehow incredibly famous.

[10:14] He's a legend.

[10:15] He's a legend.

Stuart Wellington

[10:16] And he's not famous for being the guy who drives around with a fucking orangutan.

Elliott Kalan

[10:19] No, he's famous for being a great fist fighter.

[10:22] And if anything, the orangutan is seen as not particularly out of the ordinary or even worth mentioning.

[10:29] The two times people talk about it, one time at the very end of the movie, a cop tries to arrest him for having this orangutan.

[10:36] The beginning of the movie, they're in a bar, and a guy looks to the...

[10:39] He's sitting next to Clyde at the bar.

[10:41] Of course, Clyde gets to go in the bar and drink.

[10:44] Because this is...

[10:45] Okay, here's...

Stuart Wellington

[10:46] Because the coach from Major League is the bartender, and he's cool with...

Elliott Kalan

[10:49] Here's what I'm going to posit.

[10:50] It's because he sits down, and the guy on the bar is like,

[10:52] I don't like sitting next to dirty apes.

[10:55] Not in a way like, what the fuck, there's an ape in this bar, but in the way of like, a racist would say it.

[10:59] So it's almost like, I'm going to posit this takes place in a universe where it's like,

[11:04] one of the middle stages between Conquest of the Planet of the Apes and Planet of the Apes,

[11:09] where apes are like, just finally starting to get their civil rights,

[11:12] but there's still a lot of racists out there who are not cool with it,

[11:15] and have decided that they're just going to cause trouble for apes.

[11:19] Either that or...

[11:20] But then there's a zoo that has orangutans in it.

Dan McCoy

[11:22] But there's also like a scene later on, there is one scene later on where they check into a hotel,

[11:26] and they have to like dress Clyde up in like a night dress.

[11:30] It's like a Manny Yoakum costume.

[11:32] My Aunt Flo or whatever, like...

[11:34] Aunt Flo.

[11:35] Well, that's...

[11:36] Yeah.

[11:37] They dress Clyde up as the concept of menstruation.

[11:41] Such a really elaborate outfit.

[11:45] Clyde, I don't think this idea is really getting across.

Stuart Wellington

[11:49] But I don't know.

[11:50] Hopefully they'll think it's clever rather than funny.

[11:52] Yeah.

[11:53] Like Sports Night or something.

Elliott Kalan

[11:53] Well, they're not going to think it's funny because it's in this movie and almost nothing in it is.

Dan McCoy

[11:57] But that's the only time that they make any bow to the idea that like,

[12:00] oh, maybe not every establishment would be welcoming of orangutans.

Elliott Kalan

[12:04] So they are...

[12:06] Which orangutans, as we know from Murders in the Rue Marg, are notorious murderers.

[12:10] And I know I said Murders in the Rue Marg, which sounds like Rue Marge.

[12:14] Which if the Simpsons...

[12:15] The leg lay Dan was laughing and couldn't jump on it.

[12:16] And they knew what it was doing.

[12:18] On the Halloween episode, they'd have murder in the Rue Marge,

[12:21] where Marge is attacked by...

[12:23] Or I guess Homer is the orangutan.

[12:25] Yeah.

[12:26] It's got to be.

[12:26] It's basically the King Homer cartoon.

[12:28] Yeah.

[12:28] From the other Treehouse of Horror episode.

[12:30] But anyway, getting back to the movie, because we're about 30 seconds into it.

[12:34] Clint Eastwood has a fight at this place.

[12:37] He says, that's my last fight.

[12:39] Clyde takes a moment to shit on the seat of a police car.

[12:42] Because Clyde hates the cops.

[12:44] Let's just say that.

[12:44] He's not a big fan of the pigs.

[12:46] And so forth.

[12:48] Well, he's like a free spirit.

[12:49] So the characters...

Stuart Wellington

[12:50] He's like a coyote trickster spirit.

[12:52] He is.

[12:53] That's true.

Elliott Kalan

[12:54] He's the rabbit figure of so many African tales.

[12:57] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[12:59] Personified in Western culture by Spider-Man.

[13:02] I don't think that's necessarily...

[13:04] Not exactly.

[13:07] The mythology, I don't think, lines up down the line.

Elliott Kalan

[13:10] I mean, not completely, but hear him out.

[13:11] Okay, let's...

Stuart Wellington

[13:12] You know, let's continue with the movie before I go on a dissertation about how Spider-Man

[13:18] is similar to Coyote.

[13:20] Okay.

[13:20] No, we've got time.

[13:21] Come on, story.

Elliott Kalan

[13:22] So, then the characters basically hang around for a long time.

[13:27] Clint Eastwood goes to this honky-tonk bar and see as Sandra Locke perform at least once.

Stuart Wellington

[13:31] Yeah, we get reintroduced to characters from the first movie.

Elliott Kalan

[13:34] Yeah, Fats Domino performs at one point.

[13:36] Sure, sure.

[13:37] This is like...

[13:38] It's...

[13:38] The movie just goes into musical numbers at times.

[13:40] And, like, that used to be more common, that a movie would just have a musical number in it.

Dan McCoy

[13:44] Fats Domino being definitely the biggest name of all the...

Stuart Wellington

[13:47] Oh, sure.

[13:48] Yeah, the first half of the movie features multiple, like, lengthy performances.

Elliott Kalan

[13:53] In this...

[13:53] Yeah, and it's something that I wish they'd done better, because I would have kind of liked it if they did it better.

[14:00] There's something about country music that I don't always like listening to, like, on my headphones.

[14:06] But in a movie, I'm more than willing to have a scene where it's just a band performing, you know.

[14:10] Yeah.

[14:11] There's something about country music that, like, I like more in a movie the same way that, like, techno music works for me when it's in the soundtrack of a movie.

[14:19] But I would never listen to it.

Dan McCoy

[14:20] Sure, when vampires are fighting Blade or something.

[14:22] It sounds terrible, yeah.

[14:23] But by and large, these are not great country bands.

Elliott Kalan

[14:25] No, they're not.

[14:26] They couldn't really get out the big names.

[14:28] Yeah, they're honky-tonks.

[14:29] They're in honky-tonks.

[14:30] The fact that Fats Domino is the biggest name in the country music movie says something.

[14:34] But anyway, eventually, we see some slick New York types who watch a mongoose fight a snake,

[14:42] and they start talking about this fighter named Wilson, who apparently is so tough he's been hurting people, and no one will fight him.

[14:48] But then they hear about Phil Betto, the fight king of the West, played by Clint Eastwood, and they say,

[14:52] if we can get these two guys to fight, it'll be the fight of the century.

[14:55] These two famous bare-knuckle underground fighters.

[14:57] And so they approach Clint Eastwood, and they offer him money to fight this guy Wilson.

[15:03] The characters kind of hang around again for a while.

[15:05] We see Clyde literally just hang around the yard punching things.

Stuart Wellington

[15:09] By being grifted by Sandra Locke, they end up getting together.

[15:13] Yeah, he breaks her out of a YWCA.

[15:14] Like the first third of the movie is that, right?

Dan McCoy

[15:16] Oh, and then...

[15:17] Oh, yeah, we shouldn't pass over the scene where, after, yeah, he breaks her out of the YWCA,

[15:23] they, like, go out into, I guess, the shed.

Elliott Kalan

[15:26] Yeah, this is what I want to get to.

[15:27] So she's going to stay over at his house.

[15:29] Sure.

[15:29] Sleeping in his room, which has a huge gun case.

[15:33] This case just full of rifles.

[15:34] But anyway, she says...

[15:36] He's a real American.

[15:36] Where are you going to sleep?

[15:37] And he goes, I'll sleep in the shed with Clyde.

[15:39] And he beds down with Clyde.

Stuart Wellington

[15:40] Which has gotten much larger, I think, than in the first film.

Elliott Kalan

[15:43] Well, yeah, they expanded it with the money they made in the first film.

Dan McCoy

[15:45] So Clyde is spooning him in this...

Elliott Kalan

[15:47] Clyde...

[15:48] They're swaddled together in a sleeping bag.

[15:50] Sandra Locke walks in and is like, basically, is there room for one more?

[15:53] Gets into bed with Clint and Clyde.

[15:55] Fade to black.

[15:56] Yeah, Clyde does not leave.

[15:57] No, Clyde puts his hand over her hands.

Stuart Wellington

[16:00] And this is a shed with straw all over the ground.

[16:02] And Clint clearly took his shirt off before getting in bed with an orangutan.

Elliott Kalan

[16:05] Which is probably a scratchy animal.

[16:07] Scratchy, but also, like, Clyde has clearly peed and shat all over the shed.

[16:11] That's why the straw is there.

Stuart Wellington

[16:14] Yep, and he put a newspaper clipping of an orangutan.

[16:17] He wants a bag on the wall.

Elliott Kalan

[16:18] The straw's not there so Clyde can spit it into gold.

[16:20] He's just selling his first child to Rumpelstiltskin.

[16:23] It's there because it's absorbing pee.

[16:25] And on the wall is an article that I guess Clyde ripped out of the newspaper of an orangutan at the zoo.

Stuart Wellington

[16:31] He combs the fucking newspaper looking for orangutan stories.

[16:34] Well, he has a clipping service.

[16:35] And he finally found one.

Elliott Kalan

[16:35] He has a clipping service that cuts orangutan stories for him.

[16:39] And this one is a girl orangutan that he has a crush on.

[16:44] And he's put it up as a pin up in his room.

[16:46] But anyway, so we fade to the next morning, Clint Eastwood and Sandra Locke are just in bed with Clyde.

[16:52] Clyde gets up, leaves the two lovebirds.

[16:54] And just kissing her on the face or something.

[16:56] And I know he's not a monkey, but he is just monkeying around in the yard for a while.

[17:00] Yeah, but we have to assume.

[17:02] We have to assume that alighted in that was a threesome.

[17:05] Oh, yeah, a threesome between Clint Eastwood and orangutan and Sandra Locke.

Stuart Wellington

[17:08] And after Clyde leaves, they make a comment about, like, okay, he's gone.

[17:13] We can, you know, we can get it on, I guess.

[17:15] They didn't say it in so many words.

[17:17] And then they cut to a shot of Clyde, like, goofing around, breaking shit.

[17:21] And you're assuming that's, like, that's a visual metaphor for intercourse, right?

Elliott Kalan

[17:25] There's no more poetic parallel for human intercourse than an orangutan in a junkyard just wrecking stuff.

Stuart Wellington

[17:32] Spraying water into his mouth from a hose.

Elliott Kalan

[17:34] When he's wiggling his body into a trash can.

[17:37] That's what...

[17:38] And he gets wrapped up in a hammock.

Stuart Wellington

[17:40] Dan, let me talk to you about the birds and bees.

[17:42] What?

[17:42] That's basically what it's like.

Elliott Kalan

[17:43] My dad sat me down when I was young and he said,

[17:45] Son, I want you to hear this from me.

[17:46] I want to tell you about the orangutans in the trash cans.

[17:50] When an orangutan loves a trash can.

[17:51] Always trash can it.

[17:53] Always.

[17:54] You're going to want to put a hammock on that thing before you get in a trash can.

[17:58] Safe sex, son.

[17:59] Safe sex.

[18:00] And that's why I've never had sex because it scared the hell out of me.

[18:03] So thanks, Dad.

[18:06] It sounded gross.

[18:08] Disgusting.

[18:09] So anyway, Clint Eastwood has a threesome with orangutan and a lady.

[18:13] And he decides, I guess, that he doesn't want to fight.

[18:17] Yeah, why would you want to fight somebody after that moment?

[18:19] Yeah, and he pisses off the mob guys.

[18:22] And the mob guy says, we'll be back.

[18:24] But I skipped over the sequence in which, or maybe it happens after this,

[18:28] the sequence where they're going to get Clyde a date with that orangutan he has a crush on.

[18:32] So they go to the zoo.

[18:34] That's later.

Stuart Wellington

[18:35] That's after he pisses off the mobsters and then Clyde rips apart the guys.

Elliott Kalan

[18:40] Okay, so Clyde, he says, I don't want to fight.

[18:43] And the mobster says, you're going to fight.

[18:44] And if you don't, my friends are going to come see you.

[18:47] And he's like, okay, send your friends.

[18:48] Clyde, rip apart his car.

[18:50] Yeah.

[18:50] So he does.

Dan McCoy

[18:51] Which comes after an earlier scene where we see Clyde helping Orville in Orville's junkyard business rip apart a junk car.

[18:58] Now that's Chekhov once said.

[19:00] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[19:00] If an orangutan rips apart a car in the first act, we have to see the orangutan rip apart a mobster's car in the second act.

[19:08] But each of these scenes are like five minutes of this primate.

[19:12] No, look.

[19:12] This movie is almost two hours long.

[19:15] You've got to pad it out.

[19:16] So let's see the orangutan pick up every piece of the car.

Dan McCoy

[19:19] And then have an insert shot of it flying through the air.

Stuart Wellington

[19:22] Throwing a piece of metal through the air.

[19:25] It's like the shot in Lady Hawk when they shoot down the hawk with an arrow.

[19:29] And it clearly looks like somebody just stuck a hawk with an arrow and threw it in the air.

Elliott Kalan

[19:32] It looks like the shot at the end of Rookie of the Year when the guy hits the ball really high.

[19:40] And you can clearly see a hand at the bottom of the frame throwing the ball up in the air.

Dan McCoy

[19:43] I was going to say, it's like the shot at the end of Goonies where he tears up the contract and throws it up in the air.

[19:49] And then you see other pieces of confetti come in from the other sides as like two other people from each side throw in more torn up paper.

Elliott Kalan

[19:55] Now another thing we should mention, there's a biker gang that Clint pissed off in the first movie called the Black Widows.

[20:00] They are a neo-Nazi gang, but they're pretty incompetent and bumbling, so they're kind of level.

Dan McCoy

[20:04] Yeah, they're like Hogan's Heroes style neo-Nazis.

Elliott Kalan

[20:07] Yeah, I guess it's like if you mixed Hogan's Heroes and Sons of Anarchy, that's basically what these guys are.

[20:12] And they, first Clyde punches them and they fall down.

[20:17] Another time they get chased through a tar factory, I guess.

[20:21] Yeah.

[20:22] And they got hot tar on them and Clint takes them to the hospital.

[20:25] And that's, hot tar can kill people.

[20:28] Like, it's really dangerous, but all that happens is their hair gets ripped off.

[20:31] Gets ripped off, so they're wearing crazy wigs.

[20:32] And they're frozen into statue shapes.

[20:34] Yeah, yeah, but then the hospital, they take the tar off.

[20:36] Oh, okay.

[20:36] Their hair goes with it.

Dan McCoy

[20:37] Just like how the dinosaurs were just frozen into statue shapes.

[20:39] I wish.

[20:41] Man, if we could just...

[20:42] And now we got a bunch of statue dinosaurs.

[20:43] Yep.

[20:44] Yep.

[20:44] That's why there's all those dinosaur statues.

[20:46] That's why the dinosaurs are bald.

[20:49] And wear funny clown wigs.

[20:52] Dinosaur clown wigs.

[20:53] Spoiler alert.

[20:54] Those guys, after they lose their hair, wear funny clown wigs.

Elliott Kalan

[20:57] Jurassic Park 4 funny clown wigs.

[21:01] We mix the DNA of the dinosaurs with the DNA of funny clown wigs.

[21:04] So this is a game of the...

[21:06] We hope nothing bad happens.

[21:08] And then the dinosaurs don't get loose, but no one wants to see these dinosaurs with crazy

[21:12] clown hair.

[21:13] The dinosaurs are dangerously hilarious.

[21:15] The children are too afraid of the dinosaurs.

[21:18] No of the clowns.

[21:19] We never should have mixed them with clown DNA.

[21:22] Watch this.

[21:23] And he just pokes a dinosaur and you hear...

[21:25] They're not supposed to make that noise.

[21:28] We're going to have to...

[21:29] Okay, we'll fit all the dinosaurs into one car.

[21:31] Take them on tour around the country.

[21:34] Make the clown DNA work for us.

[21:36] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[21:38] Million dollar idea.

Elliott Kalan

[21:40] Well, I don't know.

Stuart Wellington

[21:42] Maybe half a million.

Elliott Kalan

[21:44] I think the audience would pay a million dollars to not have heard that whole thing.

[21:47] Anyway, so Clint Eastwood's going to have to do this fight.

[21:50] We'll find out later why.

[21:51] But he's pissed off the mob.

[21:53] The important thing to know, though, is Clyde's got to get laid.

[21:57] So they go to the zoo.

[21:59] Clyde's got to have it.

[22:03] Clyde was originally cast and she's got to have it.

[22:05] Until Spike Lee decided, you know what?

[22:06] Let me make this about contemporary Brooklyn life and not about an orangutan who's really

[22:10] horny.

[22:12] Anyway, so they go to the zoo and this is where it gets morally dubious.

[22:16] This is where the pit fighting movie about a guy who keeps an orangutan in his shed and

[22:20] has sex with it becomes morally dubious in that they go to the zoo with a vial of some

[22:25] kind of sedative.

[22:26] Yeah.

[22:26] Where do you get that sedative from?

[22:28] From the vet, I guess.

[22:29] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[22:29] A mail order orangutan.

[22:31] Orangutan sedative company.

Elliott Kalan

[22:33] Yeah.

[22:34] Who knows?

[22:34] Clint Eastwood was mixing it up in a bat.

[22:35] He fought a guy for it.

[22:36] In his backyard.

Dan McCoy

[22:37] Back then, you didn't have the internet.

[22:39] You had to order it from the back of the comic books.

Elliott Kalan

[22:40] That was back when you could buy guns and orangutan medicine from the back of comic books.

Stuart Wellington

[22:44] I feel like this is a movie where the appearance of anything in Cron Gruis can be explained

[22:49] by that he just fought a guy for it.

[22:52] Okay.

[22:52] I can see that.

[22:54] Yeah.

[22:54] Like, where did this gang get these great wigs?

[22:57] Oh, they fought some guy for it.

[22:59] Et cetera.

Elliott Kalan

[22:59] And so, yeah.

[23:00] That's a good point.

[23:01] Okay.

[23:01] Where did Clyde get that thing?

Stuart Wellington

[23:04] What?

[23:05] The newspaper clipping?

Elliott Kalan

[23:06] Yeah.

[23:06] The newspaper clipping.

[23:07] He fought a guy.

[23:07] His clipping service.

[23:08] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[23:09] He fought and he won a year's supply of clipping service.

Dan McCoy

[23:13] You sure you just want orangutan news?

[23:15] You got a year's supply.

[23:16] Go crazy.

[23:16] No, just the orangutans.

[23:18] Just give me hot orangutans.

Elliott Kalan

[23:20] I lost my subscription to PlayChimp.

[23:23] Anyway, so they go to the zoo.

[23:26] Clyde, somehow, they have a syringe of orangutan sedative and a banana.

[23:30] And Clyde sticks himself with the syringe and passes out.

[23:33] So Clint's like, I guess it's up to me.

[23:35] Hope I find the right tan.

[23:37] Which we don't know if he did.

[23:38] No, we do.

[23:39] Because he brings her back and Clyde's all over.

[23:42] Which leads to, they go to a motel.

[23:45] And this is when Clint and Sandra Locke are in one room.

[23:49] Clyde and his date are in another room.

[23:52] Anne Ramsey and her husband.

Dan McCoy

[23:54] Anne Ramsey, you may remember from Throw Mama from the Train.

[23:57] The eponymous mama.

[23:58] The titular mama.

Elliott Kalan

[24:00] Earlier in the movie, she and her husband were seen driving down the highway.

[24:05] And they saw Clint, Orville, and Clyde peeing on the side of the road.

[24:08] It was a hilarious gag.

[24:09] Now those characters come back.

[24:11] And the orangutans are making so much noise that they want to leave.

[24:14] But she gets up to pack the suitcase and the side of her butt as she bends over the suitcase.

[24:18] And the sound of orangutans doing it drives her husband wild with lust.

[24:23] And so they have sex.

Stuart Wellington

[24:24] It recalls some kind of past life experience he had of a hula dancer.

Elliott Kalan

[24:30] Meanwhile, so there's...

Dan McCoy

[24:31] You hear some jungle drums on the soundtrack.

[24:34] It's very disturbing.

Elliott Kalan

[24:35] It's all...

[24:35] This is one of a couple times in the movie that it gets really goofy.

[24:39] And the next time is about to come up too.

[24:40] So the mob bad guys...

[24:42] But wait, hold on.

Dan McCoy

[24:43] Let's not gloss over the fact.

[24:45] You mentioned it before.

[24:46] But let's underline this.

[24:49] Clint Eastwood has kidnapped an orangutan.

[24:51] So that his orangutan can have sex with it.

[24:54] So his orangutan can basically sexually assault this other monkey.

Elliott Kalan

[24:57] The woman...

[24:58] Ape, sorry.

[24:59] The female orangutan...

[25:00] She seems into it.

[25:01] She's lying in bed.

[25:02] She seems into it.

[25:03] Meanwhile, Clyde's just wasting his time.

[25:04] What would she look like if she was not into it?

[25:06] I assume she'd have her mace out.

[25:08] She would say no.

[25:09] What, like a mace?

[25:10] Like a cudgel?

[25:11] Yeah, like a ball and chain.

[25:12] Like a morning star.

[25:14] Yeah.

[25:15] Just a medieval ape swinging a morning star.

[25:18] How scary would that have been?

Stuart Wellington

[25:20] What a great idea.

[25:21] An idea of a knight who rides around with an orangutan on a horse.

Elliott Kalan

[25:27] It's a mysterious knight who never speaks.

[25:29] And it turns out he's an orangutan.

[25:31] Okay, I like it.

[25:32] But he's noble at heart.

[25:33] He fights a dragon.

[25:34] It turns out the dragon is just a big dog.

[25:36] Sure.

[25:38] And they save the king of England who turns out to be a pigeon

[25:40] with a bottle cap on his head that looks like a crown.

[25:43] I call it Elliot's Fairytale Animals.

Dan McCoy

[25:47] But this love interlude with Clint and Sandra Locke.

[25:50] I have a taste like a hug movie.

Elliott Kalan

[25:51] It's interrupted.

[25:52] This is a long scene.

[25:53] It takes a long time.

[25:54] It goes on at least 15 minutes.

[25:55] And Clyde is impressing his date by picking up the furniture

[25:58] and throwing it and hanging from the chandelier.

[26:00] Clint impresses Sandra Locke by also hanging from the chandelier.

[26:04] Okay, in the middle.

[26:04] Sure less wearing jeans.

[26:05] Meanwhile, a bunch of mobsters with guns

[26:07] and three-piece suits because it's the 70s.

[26:10] They go to Ruth Gordon's house and Orville's house

[26:12] and they say, where's Philo?

[26:16] They basically threaten them into telling them where they are

[26:18] and then they go to try to stop them.

[26:20] Ruth Gordon goes, oh no, I gotta save them, I guess.

[26:23] Jumps in a tow truck, drives away.

[26:25] Orville gets in his car and drives away.

Stuart Wellington

[26:28] They drive past miles and miles of auto body shops.

Elliott Kalan

[26:31] Yeah, in this movie, every store is an auto body shop.

[26:35] Occasionally there's a fast food restaurant.

[26:37] But it's like, it's kind of like in Cannonball Run,

[26:39] the entire country is just roads and cars.

[26:42] Like in this one, it's just roads and repair shops.

Dan McCoy

[26:44] Having grown up in the Midwest, that is not entirely inaccurate.

Elliott Kalan

[26:47] This movie doesn't take place in the Midwest.

[26:48] They're going to Bakersfield, California.

Dan McCoy

[26:50] I'm just saying, the great center of this land of ours

[26:53] is a vast emptiness.

Elliott Kalan

[26:56] And I repeat again, that's not where the movie takes place.

[26:59] Yeah, all right.

[26:59] That's like if the movie is set in New York

[27:01] and it has nothing but dairy queens.

[27:03] And you're like, hey, in the Midwest there's a lot of dairy queens.

[27:05] Well, not that many in New York.

[27:07] And certainly there's other businesses.

[27:08] Once you get out of the city in California,

[27:11] I imagine it's not that.

[27:11] I guess you're telling me to go to the boring parts of the country.

[27:15] Stop wasting my time in the vibrant metropolises.

[27:17] Yep.

[27:19] Metropolises?

[27:21] It's Superman.

Dan McCoy

[27:22] Point is, Ruth Gordon tracks them down the motel.

[27:25] To Warren Clint Eastwood.

[27:26] She sees the hotel proprietor who's peeping in on the people having sex.

[27:33] One of the sex novels.

Elliott Kalan

[27:34] It could be the orangutans.

[27:35] Because frankly, if you were passing by a motel,

[27:38] you saw orangutans having sex in the window,

[27:40] you would stop and watch.

[27:41] But the point is, the sound...

[27:42] Don't lie to me, Dan.

[27:44] Tell me the truth.

[27:45] You would stop and watch.

[27:46] Certainly I would.

[27:47] But the point is,

[27:48] and you know how long you would watch?

[27:50] Until they were finished.

[27:51] Until completion.

[27:52] Yeah, exactly.

[27:53] You would watch the afterglow and the cuddling for a while

[27:55] just to make sure they didn't start up again.

[27:57] Because you're a perv.

Dan McCoy

[27:58] But the sound, the sound of orangutans.

[28:00] You're the only guy who goes to the zoo

Elliott Kalan

[28:02] and then yells like, come on, go at it.

[28:04] I paid my $7.

[28:06] The sound of orangutans having sex.

[28:07] Disgusting.

[28:08] $7?

[28:09] That's a small zoo.

[28:10] It's a very small zoo.

[28:11] And they only have turtles.

[28:13] Sure.

[28:14] No orangutans at all.

[28:15] What am I shouting at?

[28:16] He's shouting at the turtles.

[28:17] And if any birds happen to be flying by,

[28:20] hey bird, come on down and have sex with this turtle.

Dan McCoy

[28:22] The turtles having sex is very slow,

[28:24] which makes it all the sexier.

[28:25] It's all tantric.

[28:26] It's more sensual, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[28:28] Yeah.

[28:29] When Sting says, I do tantric sex and I can have sex for hours,

[28:32] the turtle's like, yeah, and?

[28:35] But what I wanted to say,

Dan McCoy

[28:36] the sound of the orangutans having sex

[28:39] has whipped this entire hotel complex into an erotic frenzy.

Elliott Kalan

[28:43] And so Ruth Gordon sees this guy peeping

[28:46] and he is suddenly totally turned on by Ruth Gordon.

[28:48] And this is the other goofy moment,

[28:50] is he visualizes Bo Derek in 10 running down the beach

[28:54] but with Ruth Gordon's face superimposed over Bo Derek's.

Stuart Wellington

[28:58] Yeah, we're talking about modern day level special effects.

Elliott Kalan

[29:00] This is like a Steve Odukirk movie level joke and effect

[29:04] in a way that, like, I wish this movie had more of it

[29:09] because when this movie is best,

[29:11] and by best I mean tolerable,

[29:12] is when it goes totally off the rails.

[29:14] But anyway, he goes, how about it,

[29:16] to Ruth Gordon who kicks him in the nuts

[29:18] and then the media's like,

[29:20] oh no, the only live one in 20 years and I ruin him.

[29:23] And then she comes on to him

[29:24] and it's implied they have sex also.

[29:28] So, so.

[29:29] So everyone is sexually satisfied.

[29:31] Orville goes, he knows the mob is coming,

[29:33] so what he does is he goes to a fast food restaurant

[29:34] where he sees some cops,

[29:36] yells at them that they're gay,

[29:38] they get mad and chase him to the motel,

[29:40] it breaks up,

[29:41] and the mob guys run away when they hear the sirens.

[29:44] He saved Clint Eastwood, but at what cost?

[29:46] Now he's in jail and they think he's a homophobe.

[29:47] Yeah, he's a labeled homophobe.

[29:48] Yeah.

[29:49] Now he's going to get kicked out.

[29:50] He's going to be on a watch list.

[29:51] He's no longer going to be the CEO of Mozilla.

[29:53] He has to sell his chair in the LA Clippers.

[29:56] That's right.

[29:57] Orville's whole business is falling apart.

[29:59] Yeah.

[30:00] So after that,

[30:02] they, so,

[30:03] they go to return this orangutan

[30:05] they kidnapped to the zoo.

[30:06] And while they're there,

[30:07] the mob guys come,

[30:08] they kidnap Sandra Locke,

[30:09] they beat up Clint Eastwood,

[30:11] and they light his truck on fire.

[30:12] Clyde saves him by dragging him

[30:14] across a parking lot.

[30:15] Slowly dragging him.

Dan McCoy

[30:16] Dragging him like two feet away

Elliott Kalan

[30:17] from where he was originally.

[30:18] So he's still singed probably.

[30:21] And Clint Eastwood and Orville are like,

[30:22] we got to get her back.

[30:24] Yeah.

[30:24] But in the meantime,

[30:25] after spending some time

[30:26] working on fucking car parts.

[30:27] Clint Eastwood goes home.

[30:28] He does go home.

[30:28] He's working on an engine.

[30:29] And repair his truck.

Dan McCoy

[30:30] Doesn't seem that concerned.

[30:31] He's like, well,

[30:32] easy come, easy go.

Elliott Kalan

[30:33] It's like he's repairing his truck

[30:35] and he gets a call from the mob

[30:36] that's like,

[30:36] are you going to try to rescue

[30:37] your girlfriend?

[30:38] Oh yeah.

[30:39] Oh yeah, I had a girlfriend.

[30:40] I forgot about that.

[30:41] Clyde and I have moved on.

[30:43] Please,

[30:43] tell her to let it go.

[30:45] I'm a one orangutan man.

[30:47] And they say,

[30:48] It was too complex before.

[30:49] You have to do this fight

[30:50] or else we're going to kill her,

[30:51] I guess.

[30:52] And the fight's going to be

[30:54] in Jackson Hole, Wyoming.

[30:56] Oh, that's a good vacation destination.

[30:58] We skipped a very important part.

[31:00] We skipped a very important scene

[31:01] which is why he said

[31:02] he wasn't going to do the fight

[31:03] which is that

[31:03] the other fighter, Wilson,

[31:05] just shows up one day

[31:06] and starts jogging

[31:07] with Clint Eastwood

[31:08] and they really get along

[31:09] and hit it off as friends.

[31:10] Yeah.

[31:11] They have a lot in common.

[31:12] They like punching people.

[31:13] Wilson falls off a cliff

[31:14] and Clint Eastwood saves him.

[31:16] And so like

[31:17] they are buddies now

[31:18] and they don't want to fight.

[31:19] It's like moving the thorn

[31:20] from the line.

[31:21] And it's one of those things

[31:21] where it's like

[31:22] they've been talking about

[31:22] this Wilson guy

[31:23] as if he is a monster.

[31:24] He's been hurting people.

[31:25] No one will fight him.

[31:26] And when he shows up

[31:27] he is the most good-natured,

[31:29] well-mannered man.

[31:30] Like he's super friendly.

[31:31] Everybody loves him.

[31:32] He should be the hero

[31:33] of the movie.

[31:34] If anything,

[31:34] Clint Eastwood is the villain

[31:35] of this movie.

[31:36] He is enslaved an orangutan.

[31:38] He kidnaps another orangutan.

[31:40] He infiltrates a YWCA

[31:42] and breaks the rules there.

[31:45] He is living off

[31:46] the largesse of Ruth Gordon.

[31:47] He is the bad guy

[31:49] and this guy Wilson

[31:49] is a real stand-up noble act.

Stuart Wellington

[31:52] I mean,

[31:53] his business is based

[31:54] around beating people up.

[31:57] I mean,

[31:57] people who are willing.

[31:58] So is the hero of the movie.

[31:59] Anyway, I feel like

Elliott Kalan

[32:00] we need to like...

[32:00] You know who else's business

[32:01] was based around

[32:02] beating people up?

[32:02] Superman.

[32:03] Oh, nice.

[32:05] How'd that pay for him?

[32:06] Very well.

[32:07] Because what would happen

[32:08] was he would set it up

[32:10] with the bad guys.

[32:12] They would pay him

[32:12] to come defeat them

[32:13] and then he would like

[32:14] steal some of the money

[32:16] and give it to them.

[32:17] That's pretty meta.

[32:18] That sounds like

[32:18] a current DC book.

[32:19] Let's say you're robbing a bank.

[32:21] Superman comes in,

[32:22] quote,

[32:22] stops you.

[32:23] Really,

[32:23] at super speed,

[32:24] he takes some of the money

[32:25] and gives it to you later.

[32:26] He's got a beak a little bit.

[32:27] Also, Superman has a beak

[32:28] in these stories

[32:29] because it's one of those

[32:31] imaginary stories

[32:32] where a witch put a spell on him

[32:33] and he has a bird head.

Stuart Wellington

[32:34] I thought that was the bad guy,

[32:35] the evil version of Thor

[32:36] that's like...

[32:38] What, Beta Ray Bill?

[32:39] Yeah, Beta Ray Bill.

[32:40] He's not evil.

[32:40] I thought he had a beak, though.

Dan McCoy

[32:41] No, he's got a horse face.

[32:42] All right, let's...

[32:43] I think we need to

[32:44] sort of fast forward

[32:46] a little bit.

[32:46] Fast forward.

[32:46] They go to Jackson Hole.

[32:48] Wilson helps him

Elliott Kalan

[32:49] rescue Sandra Locke.

[32:50] Wilson helps him

[32:51] rescue Sandra Locke.

[32:52] Orville gets shot

[32:53] during the rescue attempt.

[32:56] Which, the brilliant plan

[32:57] involves Orville

[32:58] jumping out from behind

[32:59] a corner on the top of a guy.

[33:01] Yeah.

[33:01] And then they punch each other

[33:02] for a while.

[33:02] It seems very unconcerned

[33:04] that the guy got shot.

[33:05] Oh, that's right.

[33:07] Well, they don't want to fight

[33:08] but then they're like...

[33:09] And there's all this money

[33:10] that was bet on the fight.

[33:11] People are coming from

[33:12] all over the country

[33:13] to bet on this fight.

[33:14] Even from Northern Exposure.

[33:16] Yeah.

[33:16] Barry Corbin comes all the way

[33:18] from Northern Exposure

[33:18] and War Games.

[33:20] War Games is Barry Corbin.

[33:21] And his...

[33:22] Barry Corbin,

[33:23] and he is the best character

[33:24] in the whole movie

[33:25] aside from Wilson,

[33:25] the bad guy

[33:26] who's really a good guy.

[33:27] Barry Corbin is

[33:28] one of three, I guess,

[33:29] rich cowboys

[33:30] who just travel the country

[33:31] having the same

[33:32] strip poker game

[33:33] with their three girlfriends

[33:34] and flying a plane

[33:36] upside down.

[33:37] They seem to have

[33:38] the most fun life

[33:39] in the world.

[33:39] But everyone goes

[33:40] to Jackson Hole.

[33:41] The Black Widows go

[33:42] and they bet on Phil.

[33:43] These two old ladies go

[33:44] and they bet on Phil.

[33:45] Everyone wants to see

[33:46] this fight happen.

[33:47] And Phil and Wilson say,

[33:48] you know what?

[33:49] We're not going to fight.

[33:50] We're friends.

[33:51] And then they're like,

[33:52] hey, you know what?

[33:53] But I do wonder

[33:54] who would have won that fight.

[33:55] You or me.

[33:55] So they go to

[33:56] an abandoned barn

[33:57] in the middle of,

[33:58] like a repair shack

[33:59] somewhere, a barn.

[34:00] And they just start

[34:01] punching each other.

[34:02] Some kids see them doing it.

[34:03] The police see the kids.

[34:05] Word gets out.

[34:05] The fight is on.

[34:06] The entire town runs over.

[34:08] Like they're running away

[34:09] from a giant spider

[34:10] or something.

[34:11] Just running down the street

[34:12] to go watch this fight.

[34:14] And it's like a shitty version

[34:15] of the quiet man.

[34:16] Clint Eastwood and this guy

[34:18] Wilson just punching each other

[34:19] all around town.

Stuart Wellington

[34:20] Yeah, like bursting through walls,

[34:22] doing like stage transitions.

[34:24] They burst through the window

[34:25] of an Italian restaurant.

Elliott Kalan

[34:27] They're in a mall.

[34:28] Yeah.

[34:28] And what are those people doing

[34:30] sitting around eating Italian food?

[34:31] They should be watching

[34:31] this awesome fight.

[34:32] And much like in Gangster Squad,

[34:34] it ends up in a public park

[34:35] where, long story short,

[34:38] Clint Eastwood gets his arm

[34:39] broken by Wilson.

[34:40] And Wilson says,

[34:41] that's it, the fight's over.

[34:42] I broke your arm.

[34:43] And Clint's like,

[34:43] no, I'm not done yet.

[34:45] They keep fighting.

[34:46] He manages to knock Wilson out.

[34:48] The guys who were,

[34:49] the bookies who arranged

[34:50] the whole thing

[34:51] and now are out all this money

[34:53] because everyone,

[34:54] I guess, bet on the winner.

[34:55] Which makes me feel bad

[34:56] for Wilson

[34:57] that apparently nobody bet on him.

[34:59] Yeah, he's such a nice guy

[35:00] and he's totally ripped.

[35:01] They try to run out of town,

[35:02] but the Black Widows

[35:03] stop them and take all the money.

[35:05] The Black Widows

[35:05] are totally made up

[35:06] with Clint by this point.

[35:08] They realize he's a great fighter

[35:10] and he's not that bad a guy

[35:11] and now they're rich.

[35:12] And Clint Eastwood goes home.

Dan McCoy

[35:14] Yeah, he basically leaves.

[35:15] He gets stopped

[35:16] on the way out of town

[35:17] by a motorcycle cop,

[35:19] but Clyde punches him

[35:20] so everything's okay.

[35:22] It's like the end of Stoker.

Elliott Kalan

[35:23] Any which way you can.

[35:24] Yep, it's just like

[35:25] the end of Stoker.

[35:26] It's slightly less fatal

[35:28] than the end of Stoker.

[35:29] He hit that cop pretty hard.

[35:31] You don't see him get up.

[35:31] That's true.

[35:32] He is, and he's also,

[35:33] he's knocked out

[35:34] in the middle of the desert.

[35:35] He'll probably die of heat.

[35:36] Sure.

[35:36] Heat stroke or de-hydration.

[35:37] Coyote consumption.

[35:38] Just a coyote.

[35:39] It's just like Gangster Squad again.

[35:40] A coyote's gonna come along

[35:41] and eat him.

[35:42] So here's, you know what?

[35:44] There's so much to say

[35:45] that's bad about this movie

[35:46] and the loose plot

[35:46] and it's stupid.

[35:48] Let me tell you one thing

[35:49] I liked about it.

[35:50] Okay.

[35:50] Just one thing.

[35:51] There's a lot of

[35:52] handheld camera work

[35:53] in the fight scenes

[35:54] and the scenes where

[35:55] Clyde is just monkeying around.

[35:57] Oh, I thought we were,

[35:58] never mind.

[35:58] We banned that pun,

[35:59] but I'm saying anyway.

[36:00] You know, I'll pay my fine later.

[36:02] Was it like 10 monkey bucks

[36:03] or something?

[36:05] It'd be eight bucks.

[36:05] And I really like how,

[36:07] I really liked that.

[36:08] Like the use of handheld cameras

[36:09] in those scenes.

[36:10] I guess.

[36:10] And that's the one thing I liked.

Dan McCoy

[36:12] Although when they're fighting,

[36:13] like the thing I didn't like

[36:15] about this movie,

[36:16] well, the thing.

[36:17] One of the things

[36:18] I didn't like about this movie

[36:18] is for a movie based on,

[36:20] in part on bare knuckle fighting,

[36:22] like all the fight scenes

[36:23] just consisted of Clint Eastwood

[36:25] punching at the camera.

Elliott Kalan

[36:27] And then it would cut to a guy like,

[36:29] whoa, whoa, whoa,

[36:29] like falling backwards.

[36:30] The fights are terribly choreographed.

Stuart Wellington

[36:33] Okay.

[36:34] So things I liked.

[36:35] I liked every time

[36:36] the Black Widow showed up,

[36:37] we got a little bit of like doo-wop

[36:39] or like a little bit of jazz saxophone.

Elliott Kalan

[36:41] For some reason,

[36:42] these neo-Nazi bikers

[36:44] and 50s doo-wops,

[36:45] like, well, they're bikers.

[36:46] They listen to doo-wop,

[36:47] I guess, right?

[36:48] Yeah, they're tough guys.

Stuart Wellington

[36:49] They're like the gorge.

[36:51] I like that first fight

[36:52] in the quarry

[36:53] when Clint Eastwood

[36:56] knocks that guy down.

[36:57] And then there's two babes

[36:58] just bouncing up and down.

Elliott Kalan

[36:59] Okay, that was a moment

[37:00] where there's two busty babes

[37:02] jumping up and down.

[37:03] And I was like,

[37:04] I was like,

[37:05] I like this,

[37:05] let's see more of them.

[37:06] And then the camera

[37:07] literally zooms in

[37:08] on one of their boobs,

[37:09] on a set of boobs.

[37:10] And I was like,

[37:11] all right,

[37:11] now I feel kind of gross.

[37:12] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[37:12] They make you feel

[37:13] like a voyeur.

[37:14] You know what?

[37:15] That was the film

[37:16] critiquing your male gaze, Elliot.

[37:17] That scene,

[37:18] that moment,

[37:19] that moment accomplished

Elliott Kalan

[37:20] what Sucker Punch

[37:21] failed to do in two hours.

[37:23] Sure.

[37:23] Which was,

[37:24] make me identify my lust

[37:26] and then feel bad for it

[37:27] for objectifying these women.

[37:29] Zack Snyder,

[37:30] you should watch

[37:30] any which way you can

[37:32] and realize

[37:33] how a master does it.

[37:34] And that master is

[37:35] whoever directed this.

[37:37] Buddy Van Horn,

[37:38] I believe.

[37:38] Buddy Van Horn.

[37:39] Of the Deadpool.

[37:42] And of other movies.

[37:43] He made some movies

[37:44] of Clean Eastwood.

[37:44] Guys.

[37:45] Oh, I'm going to say

[37:46] another thing.

[37:47] Okay.

[37:48] This movie is,

[37:49] as you said,

[37:49] we're watching it,

[37:50] rich with incident.

[37:51] And I've discovered

[37:52] the difference

[37:53] between a movie like this

[37:54] and a movie like

[37:54] Killer of Sheep,

[37:55] which is also just incident,

[37:57] but which is a rich picture

[37:59] of the life of a community.

[38:00] And that is quality.

[38:02] So I guess

[38:03] that's the difference.

Dan McCoy

[38:05] What kind of movie is this?

[38:08] Was this a comedy

[38:09] or was it an action movie?

[38:11] I mean,

[38:11] I think it's categorized

Elliott Kalan

[38:13] under adventure comedy.

[38:14] Adventure comedy.

[38:15] Which is a pretty loose

[38:16] 70s style.

[38:17] The jewels of the Nile

[38:17] and your romancings

[38:21] of the stone

[38:21] and your straw dogses.

[38:24] I guess it's not really

[38:25] a comedy or an adventure.

[38:27] I feel like this has...

[38:29] You know,

[38:29] your Ghostbusterses.

Stuart Wellington

[38:31] There's one of those,

[38:32] I mean,

[38:32] this feels like

[38:33] a very 70s movie.

[38:34] There's a lot of scenes

[38:34] that are a little too long,

[38:36] like crane shots

[38:37] that go on

[38:38] just a little too long.

[38:39] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[38:40] All shots went on too long.

[38:41] Everything in the movie

[38:42] is very slow-paced.

[38:43] And I'm a guy who likes

[38:44] is fine with a slow-paced movie

[38:45] if it makes sense.

[38:46] This did not.

[38:47] A wacky comedy

[38:48] about an orangutan

[38:49] and a fistfighter

[38:50] should not be

[38:51] a slow-paced movie.

Stuart Wellington

[38:52] And the orangutan

[38:53] is, of course,

[38:54] an afterthought.

[38:55] The orangutan

Elliott Kalan

[38:55] is totally superfluous

[38:56] to almost everything

[38:57] in the movie

[38:58] except the

[38:59] kidnapping another orangutan

[39:00] for sex subplot.

[39:02] That was like,

[39:02] it was like

[39:03] the screenwriters...

[39:03] Which was the best subplot.

[39:04] It was like

[39:04] the screenwriters were like,

[39:06] we gotta have a reason

[39:06] for this Clyde

[39:08] to still be in the movie.

[39:09] We have to come up

[39:10] with a reason

[39:10] why this movie

[39:11] can't start

[39:11] with Clint Eastwood

[39:12] looking down

[39:12] at a tombstone

[39:13] that says Clyde on it.

[39:16] So let's put this subplot in.

[39:18] But otherwise,

[39:19] he doesn't factor

[39:19] into the final fight.

[39:20] He doesn't factor

[39:21] into any of the scenes

[39:22] where they like

[39:23] get away with stuff

[39:24] except I guess

[39:25] when that mob guy's

[39:26] car gets ripped off.

[39:28] Ripped up.

[39:28] Like,

[39:28] he's just a hindrance

[39:30] and he never helps them

[39:30] in any way.

[39:31] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[39:32] Alright,

[39:32] we gotta tie a bow

[39:33] on this,

[39:34] so let's go

[39:35] to Final Judgments.

[39:36] Is this a good,

[39:36] bad movie,

[39:37] a bad,

[39:37] bad movie,

[39:38] or a movie

[39:38] you kinda like?

[39:40] Elliot,

[39:40] what do you have

[39:41] to say about that?

Elliott Kalan

[39:42] I wish I could've said

[39:43] it was a movie

[39:43] I kinda liked,

[39:45] but I'm gonna have

[39:45] to say a bad,

[39:46] bad movie.

[39:47] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[39:47] It was almost a good,

[39:48] it had the potential

[39:49] to be a good,

[39:49] bad movie.

[39:50] I would say

[39:50] for me,

[39:51] the first half

[39:52] of this movie

[39:52] was a bad,

[39:53] bad movie.

[39:54] The second half

[39:55] was a good,

[39:55] bad movie.

Elliott Kalan

[39:56] If it was all

[39:56] like the second half,

[39:57] but you gotta slog

[39:58] through the first half

[39:59] to get the second half.

[40:00] Yeah,

Stuart Wellington

[40:00] as soon as they

[40:01] kidnap that poor

[40:03] orangutan,

[40:04] it becomes a good,

[40:05] bad movie,

[40:06] I think,

[40:06] but up until

[40:07] that point now.

Elliott Kalan

[40:09] So if you're

[40:10] making a movie

[40:10] and the movie

[40:11] is slowing down,

[40:12] have the characters

[40:12] kidnap an orangutan

[40:13] for sex.

[40:14] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[40:15] I mean,

[40:16] not necessarily

[40:17] for them to have

[40:17] sex with it.

[40:18] No,

Elliott Kalan

[40:18] for them,

[40:19] yeah.

[40:19] Okay.

[40:21] Wait,

[40:21] like the filmmakers?

[40:22] No,

[40:24] like if you're

[40:24] making a biography

[40:25] of Charles Lindbergh

[40:26] and it's starting

[40:26] to drag,

[40:27] Lindbergh

[40:27] kidnapping

[40:28] orangutan

[40:28] and have

[40:28] sex with it.

[40:31] I guarantee you

[40:32] it'll shoot

[40:32] some energy

[40:32] into the movie.

Dan McCoy

[40:35] Before we move on,

[40:36] before we move on,

[40:37] we have a few

[40:37] words from sponsors.

[40:39] Stu,

[40:40] I believe you

[40:40] had a few words

[40:41] first up.

Stuart Wellington

[40:43] So,

[40:43] guys,

[40:44] listeners at home,

[40:46] you love your mom,

[40:47] right?

[40:48] Of course you do.

[40:49] If you didn't,

[40:50] you'd be a monster.

[40:50] And you're terrible.

[40:52] So,

[40:52] in a couple weeks

[40:53] we got Mother's Day

[40:54] or a week and a half

[40:55] or a week

[40:56] from the airing

[40:57] of this episode.

[40:59] And thanks to

[41:00] the Flophouse,

[41:01] you now

[41:02] can get a little

[41:03] deal on

[41:05] some flowers

[41:06] for that mother

[41:07] in your life.

[41:08] Fleur de Mer.

[41:10] Why don't you

[41:10] surprise her

[41:11] with a beautiful

[41:11] 100 blooms bouquet

[41:13] plus a free glass

[41:15] vase

[41:16] from proflowers.com

[41:19] for just

[41:20] $19.99.

[41:22] Did you hear that,

[41:23] Elliot?

Elliott Kalan

[41:23] $19.95

[41:25] for flowers

[41:26] and a vase.

[41:27] You probably have that

Dan McCoy

[41:27] in your wallet

[41:28] right now.

Elliott Kalan

[41:29] Yeah,

[41:29] so I should pay cash

[41:30] is what you're saying?

[41:31] Yeah,

[41:32] just feed it

Dan McCoy

[41:32] into the disc drive.

[41:33] Give it to me

[41:34] and I'll send it

[41:34] to Pro Flowers.

Stuart Wellington

[41:35] And you can upgrade

[41:36] to 100 blooms

[41:38] with a pink vase

[41:40] and chocolates

[41:41] for only $9.99 more.

[41:43] That's only

[41:44] roughly $29.99.

[41:47] That's a pretty good deal.

[41:48] Now,

[41:49] what you need to do

[41:49] is use the code

[41:50] FLOPHOUSE

[41:51] to get this special price

[41:53] on your Mother's Day

[41:54] order while supplies last.

[41:55] So you just go over

[41:56] to proflowers.com

[41:58] No,

[41:59] proflowers.clown.

[42:01] So go to proflowers.com

[42:03] on the upper right hand corner

[42:04] is a blue microphone

[42:05] and you need to click

[42:06] on that thing.

[42:08] There will be

[42:08] a little text line

[42:11] and you type in

[42:12] FLOPHOUSE.

[42:13] The name of your

[42:13] favorite podcast.

[42:14] Yep,

[42:14] the name of your

[42:15] favorite FLOPHOUSE

[42:16] is The FLOPHOUSE.

[42:17] It's a podcast.

[42:19] And that deal

[42:20] expires Friday

[42:21] at midnight.

[42:22] So don't drag

[42:22] your feet, guys.

[42:23] Friday before Mother's Day.

[42:24] Yes,

[42:25] that's the Friday

[42:26] before Mother's Day

[42:27] at midnight.

[42:28] So don't drag

[42:29] your feet.

[42:29] Get your mom

[42:30] some flowers.

[42:32] And also,

Dan McCoy

[42:33] we have another

[42:35] sponsor

[42:35] for this episode.

[42:37] It is one

[42:38] Warby Parker,

[42:40] a new concept

[42:41] in eyewear.

[42:42] Look, guys,

[42:44] if you can't see,

[42:45] you can't see.

[42:46] That's a terrible thing.

[42:48] But you shouldn't

[42:48] have to pay out

[42:49] the nose for that,

[42:50] right?

Elliott Kalan

[42:51] So this is a service

[42:51] for blind people?

Dan McCoy

[42:53] Well,

[42:53] it's for people

[42:54] like me

[42:55] who've got

[42:56] not 20-20 vision.

Elliott Kalan

[42:59] I believe I have

[43:00] 22,000 vision.

Dan McCoy

[43:03] People who think

[43:04] that glasses

[43:04] should not be

[43:06] a pretty penny.

[43:08] And Warby Parker's

[43:09] prescription glasses

[43:09] start at $95

[43:10] including the

[43:11] prescription lenses.

[43:13] And the titanium

[43:13] collection starts

[43:14] at a mere 145

[43:16] including prescription

[43:17] lenses.

[43:18] And all glasses

[43:19] include anti-reflective

[43:21] and anti-glare coating

[43:22] at no additional

[43:23] cost.

[43:24] But the real

[43:26] advantage of Warby Parker

[43:27] is you can buy

[43:28] your glasses

[43:29] online

[43:29] with the

[43:30] Home Try-On

[43:31] program which

[43:31] allows customers

[43:32] to order five

[43:33] pairs of glasses

[43:33] to be shipped

[43:34] directly to them

[43:35] where they can

[43:36] try them on

[43:36] in the comfort

[43:37] of their own

[43:38] home.

[43:39] And get feedback

[43:40] from,

[43:41] say,

[43:41] your wife,

[43:42] the person who has

[43:43] to stare at your mug,

[43:44] or your husband.

[43:45] Someone that you

[43:46] want to impress.

Elliott Kalan

[43:47] Who also has to

[43:48] stare at your mug.

[43:48] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[43:49] Or your mug collection.

[43:51] Maybe your mugs

[43:52] want to stare at you

[43:53] for once.

[43:54] It's only fair.

[43:56] You've been staring

[43:56] at them.

[43:57] You can keep those

[43:58] frames for five days

[43:59] before sending them

[43:59] back free

[44:00] with the prepaid

[44:02] returning shipping

[44:02] label with no

[44:03] obligation to buy.

[44:06] And when you

[44:06] place an order,

[44:08] Warby Parker

[44:09] will get started

[44:09] on that order

[44:10] right away and have

[44:11] your new glasses

[44:12] in your hands

[44:13] within 10 business

[44:14] days.

[44:15] Or even faster

[44:16] than that.

[44:17] And even better,

[44:19] for every pair

[44:19] of glasses sold,

[44:21] will distribute

[44:21] a pair of glasses

[44:22] to someone in need.

[44:24] You can also get

[44:24] prescription polarized

[44:26] sunglasses

[44:27] or non-prescription

[44:28] polarized sunglasses.

[44:31] If you want to

[44:32] take advantage

[44:32] of this offer,

[44:34] go over to

[44:35] warbyparker.com

[44:36] and use the

[44:38] code FLOPHOUSE.

[44:40] Now,

Elliott Kalan

[44:41] use the code

[44:42] FLOPHOUSE

[44:42] whenever you buy

[44:43] anything.

[44:44] Yeah.

[44:44] But especially

[44:45] pro flowers

[44:46] and Warby Parker.

Elliott Kalan

[44:46] If a thing asks you

[44:47] for a code,

[44:47] try using FLOPHOUSE.

[44:48] Try using FLOPHOUSE,

[44:49] especially if it's

[44:49] pro flowers,

[44:50] which you should buy,

[44:51] and Warby Parker,

[44:52] which y'all should buy.

[44:52] I, in fact,

[44:53] am wearing

Dan McCoy

[44:55] glasses at this

[44:56] moment.

[44:57] And you look

[44:58] way better than

[44:59] you should.

[45:00] Yeah.

[45:00] I'm usually

[45:01] kind of a dopey

[45:02] looking fellow.

[45:02] But now,

[45:04] I'm like Clark Kent.

Stuart Wellington

[45:05] Is this some kind

[45:05] of James Dean

[45:06] character?

[45:07] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[45:08] With glasses?

[45:09] Yeah,

[45:09] he'd look good

[45:10] with glasses.

[45:10] He would look good

[45:11] with glasses.

[45:12] So, but now,

[45:14] let's move on

[45:15] a little bit

[45:16] to a little

[45:18] all things comedy

[45:20] specific

[45:20] plugging.

[45:23] Take a look

[45:24] at Eddie

[45:25] Pepitone's podcast,

[45:26] Pep Talks.

[45:28] A comedic look

[45:28] at the crumbling

[45:29] of our world.

[45:30] Eddie guides us

[45:31] into the apocalypse

[45:32] every Thursday

[45:32] with guest comedians.

[45:33] check him out

[45:34] at Eddie

[45:35] Pepitone

Elliott Kalan

[45:35] on Twitter.

[45:37] Iconic comedian

[45:37] Eddie Pepitone.

Dan McCoy

[45:39] A cranky

[45:40] but hilarious

[45:40] fellow.

[45:42] And for

[45:43] our personal

[45:44] plug

[45:45] on May the 10th

[45:46] in Yonkers,

[45:47] New York.

[45:48] Personal plug.

[45:50] We will be doing

[45:51] a live show

[45:51] at the Alamo

[45:51] Draft House

[45:52] at 7.30pm.

[45:54] That's May the 10th

[45:55] at 7.30pm.

[45:57] P.M.

[45:57] Please show up early

[45:58] as they...

Elliott Kalan

[45:58] Alamo Draft House

[45:59] Yonkers.

[46:01] Sleepwalkers.

Dan McCoy

[46:02] The Draft House

[46:03] is tough on latecomers

[46:05] so show up

[46:06] early.

[46:07] Before that

[46:07] 7.30pm time.

[46:08] No texting.

Elliott Kalan

[46:09] Come by 7.15

[46:10] for best results.

[46:11] No talking

[46:12] during the movie.

Dan McCoy

[46:13] Except from us.

[46:14] Yeah, we'll be screening

[46:15] Stephen King

[46:17] Sleepwalkers.

[46:18] Stephen King.

[46:18] Mick Garris.

[46:19] And we'll have

[46:20] an intro by our friends

[46:21] at I Love Bad Movies

[46:22] and running commentary

[46:23] from us.

[46:25] Us.

[46:26] Running.

Stuart Wellington

[46:28] Commentary.

[46:30] Yeah.

[46:31] All laughs aside, guys.

[46:32] I'm looking forward

[46:33] to doing this show.

[46:34] Me too.

Elliott Kalan

[46:34] It's gonna be

[46:34] a really fun show.

[46:35] We haven't done

[46:35] a live show

[46:36] in a long time.

[46:37] And I don't know

[46:38] when we're doing

[46:38] another one

[46:39] anytime soon.

[46:39] So get the self

[46:41] to Yonkers.

[46:42] Yeah, with this guy

[46:43] just in time

[46:43] for Mother's Day.

Dan McCoy

[46:44] Nailed down

[46:45] with his beautiful

[46:46] little bundle of joy.

Stuart Wellington

[46:47] Yep.

[46:48] I'm pretty happy

[46:48] with my kitten, Dan.

[46:49] That's what you were

[46:50] talking about.

[46:51] That's what Dan

Dan McCoy

[46:52] was talking about.

[46:52] Muscles is pretty adorable.

[46:55] Moving on

[46:56] to letters

[46:57] from listeners.

[46:58] letters.

[46:58] Oh, our favorite

Elliott Kalan

[46:59] part of the podcast.

[47:00] It is, and here's

[47:01] my favorite part

[47:01] of the favorite

[47:02] part of the podcast.

[47:02] What's that?

[47:04] Letters.

[47:05] Letters, get out

[47:06] of your fetters.

[47:07] He just kind of

[47:07] stares out

[47:07] by this one

[47:08] when he starts.

[47:09] Everything's about

[47:09] to get betters

[47:10] for the letters

[47:11] as Dan frees them

[47:13] from the letter prison.

[47:14] He keeps them in.

[47:16] Dan's a cruel

[47:16] letter warden.

[47:17] Dan keeps the letters

[47:19] in the prison

[47:19] all the time.

[47:20] That's solitary

[47:21] for you.

[47:22] Solitary for you, too.

[47:24] Making the female

[47:25] letters have pillow fights

[47:26] all the time

[47:27] and take showers.

[47:28] Dan's a corrupt

[47:29] letter warden.

[47:30] Free them

[47:31] from the letter prison,

[47:32] Dan.

[47:33] It's always darkest

[47:33] before the dawns.

[47:34] Free them from the

[47:34] letter prison

[47:35] so we can read them

[47:37] and reply to them.

[47:39] Get out of that

[47:40] letter prison.

Dan McCoy

[47:43] Thanks, Elliot,

[47:45] for this first letter.

[47:47] It's titled...

[47:48] That was kind of short.

[47:49] Castle Freak Interrupted.

[47:52] Castle Freak Interrupted.

[47:53] Let me guess.

Elliott Kalan

[47:53] I think I can handle

[47:54] this one.

[47:55] Stuart's word.

[47:56] Somebody told me

[47:56] the phrase ding-dong

[47:57] is going to be used.

Dan McCoy

[47:58] It's from Cody,

[47:59] last name withheld.

Elliott Kalan

[48:01] Oh, the guy from

[48:02] Step by Step.

Dan McCoy

[48:03] Yeah.

[48:03] Greetings, floppers.

[48:05] After multiple

[48:05] recommendations from Stuart,

[48:07] I at long last

[48:08] fired up the internet

[48:09] and took in a showing

[48:10] of Castle Freak

[48:11] at my local video

[48:12] streaming service.

[48:14] Thinking at a

[48:14] justifiable precaution,

[48:16] I did so while my wife

[48:17] was still at work.

[48:18] That's the full moon

[48:19] streaming, I would hope.

[48:20] Cosmic vibes aligned

[48:22] such that she managed

[48:23] to return home

[48:23] just as Jeffrey Combs

[48:25] was nose deep

[48:25] in a prostitute.

[48:28] Thankfully,

[48:28] I still had my pants on.

[48:30] So the explanation

[48:31] I heard about it

[48:32] on a podcast

[48:32] somehow satisfied

[48:34] her curiosity

[48:35] about why I was

[48:35] watching this

[48:36] on a weekday afternoon.

[48:38] I have a great wife.

Elliott Kalan

[48:39] It's part of the

[48:40] Disney afternoon,

[48:41] I swear.

[48:42] A gummy bears

[48:42] was just on

[48:43] and Tailspin's

[48:44] about to be on.

[48:45] This is the Wuzzles.

[48:47] That was a Saturday

[48:47] morning show.

[48:48] Okay.

[48:49] Not too fast.

[48:52] Thanks for fact-checking me.

[48:53] Yeah, well,

[48:54] if it's about Wuzzles,

[48:55] I'm going to fact-check.

[48:56] All right.

[48:57] Not too long after this.

[48:58] There was a half lion,

[48:59] half bee,

[49:00] and a half elephant,

[49:01] half, what, kangaroo?

[49:03] Yeah, so...

[49:03] Eliru, I think his name was.

Stuart Wellington

[49:04] The last part

[49:06] refers to animals,

[49:07] but what does

[49:07] the was part mean?

[49:08] Because, like,

[49:09] what are they?

[49:10] They was animals?

[49:11] Was?

Dan McCoy

[49:13] Yeah, it checks out.

[49:16] The was part

Elliott Kalan

[49:17] refers to how it was

[49:18] profitable for the toy company.

[49:22] So, castle freak.

[49:23] He's watching it,

[49:24] his wife walks in.

[49:25] Honey, it's not

[49:25] what it looks like.

[49:26] This isn't a freak

[49:27] who lives in a castle.

Dan McCoy

[49:30] Not too long after this,

[49:31] the two of us

[49:32] decided to take in

[49:33] Reanimator,

[49:34] which she had not yet seen.

[49:36] I mentioned to my wife

[49:37] that Stuart Gordon...

[49:38] It was date night, I guess.

[49:39] I mentioned to my wife,

[49:40] Stuart Gordon,

[49:41] the auteur behind

[49:42] Castle Freak,

[49:43] directed this picture

[49:43] as well.

[49:45] Then, as Dr. Hill's

[49:46] severed head

[49:46] zeroed in on

[49:47] Barbara Crampton's

[49:48] nethers,

[49:49] my wife exclaimed,

[49:50] what?

[49:51] What's the deal

[49:52] with this guy

[49:52] and muff diving?

[49:54] She did enjoy

[49:55] Reanimator,

[49:55] but now Stuart Gordon

[49:56] will forever be

[49:57] the director

[49:57] that loves

[49:58] muff diving to her.

[50:00] About a week later,

[50:01] my wife spent the evening

[50:02] with a few friends of hers,

[50:03] one of whom had brought

[50:04] a new girlfriend along.

[50:06] In the course of conversation,

[50:07] this mysterious girlfriend

[50:08] revealed that she was,

[50:10] in fact,

[50:10] the niece of Stuart Gordon

[50:11] and, shockingly,

[50:13] not proud of that.

[50:14] Oh, that's too bad.

[50:15] Unfortunately,

[50:16] thanks to recent

[50:17] mental associations,

[50:18] she couldn't maintain

[50:19] eye contact long enough

[50:20] to ask any probing questions.

[50:22] What Gordon-related

[50:23] encounters with the universe

[50:24] direct our way

[50:25] in the near future?

[50:26] Clearly,

[50:26] we've established

[50:27] some sort of

[50:28] karmic link.

[50:29] I'll keep you posted.

[50:30] Fortunately,

[50:31] yours,

[50:32] Cody,

[50:32] last name with L.

[50:34] Wow,

[50:34] we got some

[50:34] celeb sightings.

[50:35] Well,

[50:36] kind of,

Stuart Wellington

[50:37] celeb niece sightings.

[50:41] Well,

[50:41] I will write down

[50:42] all my questions

[50:43] in a letter

[50:44] and mail them off

[50:45] to you

[50:45] so you can ask

[50:46] the niece

[50:47] of Stuart Gordon,

[50:48] like,

[50:49] when is the Dolls

[50:49] franchise going to continue?

[50:53] What's Dagon

Dan McCoy

[50:54] like in real life?

[50:55] Sure.

[50:57] Dagon,

[50:57] did he say?

[50:58] Yeah.

[50:59] Like Dagon,

[50:59] the painter?

[51:01] What would you say?

[51:02] Dagon.

[51:03] Dagon.

[51:04] Dagon.

Stuart Wellington

[51:06] He's like,

[51:06] Dagon.

[51:07] Yeah,

[51:08] that's if he was

[51:08] trying to be fancy.

Dan McCoy

[51:10] I see.

[51:11] This next letter.

Stuart Wellington

[51:13] He was a deep one

[51:13] and he was putting on airs.

[51:15] Sure.

[51:16] I got him

Elliott Kalan

[51:17] pressing out

[51:17] with Hotel.

[51:19] Make him think

[51:19] I'm educated.

Dan McCoy

[51:22] This next letter

[51:23] is from Stacy,

[51:24] last name withheld.

[51:26] He says,

[51:27] Stacy Keibler.

[51:27] Hello, boys.

[51:29] I hope all is well

[51:30] with you at the flop house.

[51:31] I would like you to know

[51:33] that you have

[51:34] officially invaded my brain.

[51:35] I had a dream

[51:36] last night

[51:37] with you in it.

[51:38] Actually,

[51:39] Elliot was mysteriously

[51:40] missing for some reason.

[51:41] Couldn't handle it.

Elliott Kalan

[51:43] Well,

[51:43] not everyone's ready

[51:44] for this jelly.

Dan McCoy

[51:45] But Dan and Stuart

[51:47] were there.

[51:47] Mostly Dan, though.

[51:48] I won't get into details,

[51:49] but it involved me

[51:50] being in a super pretentious

[51:51] hipster bar in Brooklyn.

[51:53] Sounds like a stress dream.

[51:54] That was playing videos

[51:55] of Stuart dancing and singing

[51:56] in a tiny Speedo

[51:58] on the beach.

[51:58] Okay,

[51:59] that's possible.

[52:00] Dan apparently

[52:01] moving out of his apartment

[52:02] and at one point

[52:03] Dan walking into my house

[52:04] naked.

[52:05] Needless to say,

[52:06] I greeted him with,

[52:07] looking good, Dan.

[52:08] Even though he was

[52:09] not looking good.

Elliott Kalan

[52:10] But he seemed so depressed

[52:12] I was worried

[52:12] he would kill himself

[52:13] if I revealed

[52:14] how horrible he looked.

Dan McCoy

[52:15] I will leave

[52:16] all the parts in between

[52:17] up to your imagination,

[52:18] but I will tell you

[52:19] that when Dan was moving

[52:20] out of his apartment,

[52:21] he was for some reason

[52:22] just carrying

[52:23] all of his possessions

[52:24] from one place

[52:24] to the next on foot

[52:25] and dropping a lot

[52:27] of it in between.

[52:28] I ended up walking

[52:29] behind him

[52:29] and picking up

[52:30] his bowling ball

[52:31] and size 15

[52:32] worn down

[52:33] old man slippers

[52:34] for him.

[52:35] So bizarre.

[52:36] Anywho,

[52:37] just wanted to say hi

[52:38] and keep on flopping.

[52:39] Were you still naked

[52:39] at that point?

[52:40] Yeah, that's what

[52:41] I want to know.

[52:42] I guess.

[52:43] All my clothes

[52:43] have been packed.

[52:44] You guys are awesome

[52:46] and the only thing

[52:46] I enjoy about my commute

[52:47] to work

[52:47] and you make me

[52:48] laugh out loud every day,

[52:49] keep up the good work

[52:50] and Dan,

[52:51] keep up that bod.

[52:52] XOXO,

[52:53] Stacy.

Elliott Kalan

[52:54] Thanks for writing in,

[52:55] Stacy,

[52:55] and not letting me

[52:56] into your weird

[52:56] moving slash sex dream.

Dan McCoy

[52:59] And thank you

[52:59] for imagining me

[53:00] so apparently...

[53:03] Willing to walk

Stuart Wellington

[53:03] downwind of you

[53:04] while you drop

[53:05] bowling balls

[53:05] and whatnot.

[53:06] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[53:07] Downwinds.

[53:09] Because he's an animal,

[53:10] yeah.

[53:10] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[53:13] Well, that was

Stuart Wellington

[53:14] a very flattering letter,

[53:15] Dan.

Dan McCoy

[53:15] It was.

[53:16] How does that make you feel?

[53:17] So did you write that?

[53:18] I did not write that,

[53:19] no.

[53:21] Or should I say

[53:22] Stacy?

[53:23] Whenever any letter

[53:23] comes in

[53:24] that has anything

[53:25] complimentary about me

[53:26] that you assume...

Stuart Wellington

[53:26] You must be on top

[53:27] of the world

[53:28] with these new glasses,

[53:29] letters about your bod.

[53:31] Where's the letter bag

[53:32] going to take us next?

[53:33] That's what we call it,

[53:34] right?

[53:34] A letter bag?

[53:35] Yep.

[53:35] Letter sack.

Dan McCoy

[53:36] So this last letter...

Stuart Wellington

[53:38] Reach deep into the letter bag

[53:39] and pull out a choice gem.

Elliott Kalan

[53:42] This last letter...

Stuart Wellington

[53:44] Dust off that gem

[53:44] and read it out loud.

Elliott Kalan

[53:45] Polish it nicely

[53:46] for the resale.

[53:49] Use a steam.

[53:50] Use a steam thing.

[53:52] Okay, now some kind of

[53:54] like steel wool, I guess.

Stuart Wellington

[53:55] You're wearing chain mail.

[53:57] You're orcs in chain mail.

Elliott Kalan

[53:58] Okay, now it's a creaky door.

[54:00] There's a witch behind it.

[54:03] And a bubbling cauldron.

[54:06] We can't hear that.

[54:08] That sounds gross.

[54:09] And that's not the right sound.

[54:11] It's like a Stuart Gordon movie.

[54:12] Here's the sound it would make.

[54:13] Bubble.

[54:13] Bubbling.

[54:14] Bubble.

[54:16] Alright.

Dan McCoy

[54:17] This last letter

[54:18] is from David,

[54:20] last name with hell.

[54:21] Oh, God.

[54:21] This better not be.

[54:22] Elliot's brother.

Elliott Kalan

[54:24] Why?

[54:25] It's so late.

Dan McCoy

[54:26] It's titled

[54:26] Harold and Me.

[54:28] Dear Flopcasters,

[54:30] my heart was warm...

[54:30] Wait, so is he mod?

[54:33] My heart was warm

[54:34] while listening to

[54:34] the Olympus' Fallen episode

[54:35] when Elliot regaled listeners

[54:37] with the epic tale

[54:38] of our first brush with fame

[54:40] at the world premiere

[54:41] of Multiplicity.

[54:42] I think it was

[54:42] the New York premiere.

[54:43] I don't know

[54:43] it was the world premiere.

[54:44] However,

[54:45] in listening to Elliot's version...

[54:45] They probably held

Elliott Kalan

[54:46] the world premiere

[54:46] in like Tokyo or something.

[54:47] Rome.

[54:49] In listening to Elliot's

Dan McCoy

[54:50] version of the events,

[54:51] I feel there were

[54:51] some important disparities

[54:52] or clarifying details

[54:54] left out.

[54:55] Well, thank goodness

[54:55] I'm here to fix that, right?

[54:57] Nope.

[54:57] So since you asked,

[54:58] here we go.

[55:00] First of all,

[55:01] the reason we had

[55:02] tickets to Multiplicity

[55:03] was not simply because

[55:04] our father's connection

[55:05] to the president

[55:06] of Columbia TriStar.

[55:07] And yes,

[55:08] they were in fact

[55:08] college roommates,

[55:09] but because it was

[55:10] a consolation prize

[55:11] to the family

[55:12] after we'd been told

[55:13] we could visit the set

[55:14] of the Brad Pitt

[55:14] Harrison Ford action film

[55:16] The Devil's Own.

[55:17] Oh, I forgot about that.

[55:18] Which was scheduled

[55:18] to be filming scenes

[55:19] at Christ Church

[55:20] in Short Hills, New Jersey.

[55:21] At the last minute,

[55:22] however,

[55:23] filming for The Devil's Own

[55:24] was moved from the church

[55:25] and so we were given

[55:26] tickets to Multiplicity

[55:27] to make up for disappointment.

[55:29] As for my lifelong friendship

[55:31] with Harold Ramis,

[55:32] or as I knew him,

[55:33] Harry,

[55:35] that was actually started

[55:35] by Ramis as we walked

[55:36] out of the Ziegfeld Theater

[55:38] where the premiere

[55:38] had been held

[55:39] and Ramis asked me

[55:40] what I thought of the movie.

[55:41] I told him it was pretty good

[55:42] and he laughed

[55:43] and walked away.

[55:44] At which point,

[55:44] my father said to me,

[55:45] do you know who that was,

[55:46] Dave?

[55:47] It was Egon.

[55:48] Despite being a huge

[55:49] Ghostbusters fan at the time,

[55:50] I was also 10 years old

[55:52] and therefore did not realize

[55:53] I had been speaking

[55:54] with the great Egon Spangler.

[55:55] You probably thought

Elliott Kalan

[55:56] Egon was a real person

[55:56] who was busy ghostbusting.

Stuart Wellington

[55:58] collecting molds and fungi

[55:59] at that point.

[56:00] Or maybe he thought

[56:01] Egon had like a blonde pompadour

[56:03] like in the cartoon show.

[56:05] Yeah,

Stuart Wellington

[56:05] he might have gotten

[56:05] the cartoon version mixed up.

Dan McCoy

[56:07] After a bus ride

[56:08] to the New York Stock Exchange,

[56:09] which I mostly remember

[56:10] spending watching

[56:11] a couple in their 20s

[56:12] furiously making out

[56:13] in the seat in front of me.

[56:13] I remember that too.

[56:14] While our parents laughed,

[56:15] I tracked down Ramis again

[56:16] and asked him

[56:17] what other movies

[56:18] he had directed.

[56:19] Predictably,

[56:19] this is where Elliot's story

[56:21] runs off the rails.

[56:22] What?

[56:23] The movie in question

[56:24] that Ramis told me

[56:25] he directed

[56:26] was not

[56:26] Stewart Saves His Family,

[56:27] which despite being awful,

[56:28] actually got two thumbs up

[56:30] from Siskel and Ebert,

[56:31] but rather It's Pat,

[56:32] which considering

[56:32] it's reported domestic gross

[56:34] of $60,822

[56:36] was in fact a bomb.

Elliott Kalan

[56:39] Yeah,

[56:39] because Stewart Saves His Family

[56:40] was a huge hit.

[56:41] Those two thumbs up

[56:42] really made it,

[56:43] it really wrote it.

[56:44] It was the number three movie

[56:45] that year.

[56:46] It was the any which way

[56:47] we can of the year of release.

Dan McCoy

[56:50] Also,

[56:50] my response was not

[56:51] that bomb,

[56:52] but actually,

[56:53] oh,

[56:53] that was a bomb.

[56:55] I actually don't remember

[56:55] Ramis Mock choking me,

[56:57] but I believe it happened.

[56:59] Fun side note,

[57:00] since I haven't mentioned sports.

Stuart Wellington

[57:01] How old was your brother

[57:02] at this point?

[57:03] Like 10.

[57:03] He doesn't fucking remember it.

[57:05] He was a kid.

Dan McCoy

[57:06] Yeah,

[57:06] exactly.

[57:06] Kids are stupid.

[57:08] Fun side note,

[57:09] since I haven't mentioned sports yet.

Elliott Kalan

[57:10] Is it going to be something

[57:11] about a sporting event

[57:12] around that time

[57:13] and that's why

[57:13] he remembers it so well?

[57:14] My family visited

[57:15] Dad's college roommate

[57:16] in California in 1992.

[57:18] This is how my brother

[57:19] remembers every date

[57:20] of what sports thing

[57:22] was going on at the time.

[57:23] I remember because

[57:24] the Rams were in

[57:24] the AFC championship.

Dan McCoy

[57:26] And while we were left

[57:27] at his house

[57:28] to play with his kids,

[57:29] he and our father

[57:30] went to a Los Angeles

[57:31] Kings game

[57:31] and sat in season tickets

[57:33] that belonged to

[57:34] none other than

[57:35] James Cameron.

[57:37] Lastly,

[57:37] Stuart,

[57:38] in person,

[57:38] I'm actually quite charming

[57:39] now that I'm not

[57:40] 10 years old anymore.

[57:41] Thanks for putting up

[57:41] with me,

[57:42] Dan and Stuart,

[57:42] because I'm Elliot's brother.

[57:43] He pretty much has to

[57:44] love David Elliot's brother.

[57:47] You know,

[57:47] brothers kill each other

[57:48] all the time.

[57:49] Cain killed Abel.

[57:50] I don't have to put up

[57:50] with him.

[57:51] So,

[57:52] yeah,

[57:53] that was great.

Elliott Kalan

[57:54] Thanks for writing in

[57:54] and regaling us

[57:55] with that adventure story,

[57:56] Dave.

[57:57] Yep.

[57:57] Thanks for giving me

Stuart Wellington

[57:58] an excuse to check

[57:59] my phone during the podcast.

[58:00] My version,

Elliott Kalan

[58:01] I think,

[58:01] was slightly less accurate,

[58:02] but much shorter.

Dan McCoy

[58:04] It's called storytelling.

[58:05] Mark in size,

[58:05] he's got punch.

[58:07] He's got some Hawaiian

[58:08] punch behind it.

Elliott Kalan

[58:09] Yeah,

[58:10] because that's what I drink

[58:11] when I'm recording.

Stuart Wellington

[58:12] So now that we're done

[58:13] digging through

Elliott Kalan

[58:14] our sack of letters.

[58:15] Yep,

[58:15] the letter satchel.

[58:16] Close up those letters

[58:17] in the letter jail.

[58:19] Get back in your cells.

[58:20] I'm Dan the warden.

[58:22] Get back in your cells,

[58:23] letter jail.

[58:24] Don't make me turn on the hoses.

[58:25] No, no,

[58:26] we're letters.

[58:26] We can't take water.

[58:28] We'll just get all

[58:28] moldy and gross

[58:29] and it'll be easier

[58:30] to tear us

[58:31] because we're wet.

[58:31] He's not even really

Elliott Kalan

[58:31] singing at this point.

[58:33] Get back in there.

[58:34] Get back in.

[58:35] Starts hitting,

[58:35] and he has a writing crop

[58:36] and he starts hitting it

[58:37] against the bars.

Dan McCoy

[58:38] You can sympathize

[58:39] with those letters

[58:39] if you want to,

[58:40] but I know what they did.

[58:41] Those animals

[58:42] deserve everything you got.

Elliott Kalan

[58:43] They're still human being letters,

[58:44] Dan.

[58:44] They have constitutional

Dan McCoy

[58:45] letter rights.

[58:47] Stuart,

[58:48] do you have a recommendation

[58:49] of a movie?

[58:50] Is this the recommendation?

[58:51] The recommendation segment?

[58:52] Is the recommendation segment.

Elliott Kalan

[58:54] This is a new segment.

[58:55] This is a new segment.

[58:56] New segment?

[58:57] It's a new segment

[58:57] we've done every episode

[58:59] where we recommend

[59:01] that Dan

[59:01] Since the dawn of fucking time,

[59:02] I guess.

[59:02] where we recommend

[59:03] that Dan properly

[59:04] introduce the fucking segment

[59:05] instead of just going into it

[59:07] without saying what it is.

Dan McCoy

[59:09] This is the last segment.

Elliott Kalan

[59:11] Have another Saratoga lager,

[59:13] Dan.

[59:13] Of the podcast

Dan McCoy

[59:14] where we recommend movies

[59:17] that we actually liked.

[59:19] Okay,

Stuart Wellington

[59:19] so as opposed to the movie

[59:21] we just won't.

[59:21] Which we did not like.

[59:23] So I'm going to recommend...

Elliott Kalan

[59:24] More like any which way

[59:25] you can't.

[59:25] Am I right?

[59:27] You've been saving that up

[59:28] the whole podcast?

[59:28] Yeah,

[59:29] I was hoping it would be

[59:29] closer.

[59:29] Wait until the end?

[59:30] That I couldn't hold it in.

Stuart Wellington

[59:31] No.

[59:32] So I'm going to recommend

[59:33] a movie that is currently

[59:34] streaming on cable demand

[59:37] or whatever.

[59:38] A river runs through it.

[59:39] Literally streaming.

[59:41] Or if you're living in LA

[59:43] or New York,

[59:43] you can see it in the theater.

[59:44] It's a movie called

[59:45] Blue Ruin.

[59:46] A movie directed by

[59:48] the director

[59:49] of a movie

[59:51] that I recommended

[59:51] a long time ago

[59:53] called Murder Party.

[59:55] Blue Ruin

[59:56] is a little

[59:57] revenge story

[59:59] about a

[1:00:00] homeless guy

[1:00:01] who

[1:00:01] finds out that

[1:00:03] the killer of his parents

[1:00:04] is released from prison

[1:00:05] and he decides

[1:00:06] to take revenge.

[1:00:08] And it's,

[1:00:09] I would say,

[1:00:10] deliberately

[1:00:11] paced.

[1:00:12] It's patient.

[1:00:13] It's shot beautifully.

[1:00:15] There is not a ton

[1:00:17] of dialogue

[1:00:17] and it's

[1:00:20] just an interesting

[1:00:21] little revenge story

[1:00:22] that really kind of

[1:00:23] sets,

[1:00:25] it really takes its time

[1:00:26] and kind of

[1:00:26] makes you

[1:00:28] very aware

[1:00:29] of where all the

[1:00:30] action's taking place

[1:00:31] and yeah,

[1:00:32] it's really great

[1:00:32] and it's already been

[1:00:34] loved by a lot of critics

[1:00:35] so you probably heard

[1:00:35] about it

[1:00:36] but you should check it out.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:36] What's it called?

[1:00:37] Blue Valentine?

[1:00:38] Blue Ruin.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:41] I'd like to recommend

[1:00:42] a movie

[1:00:43] called

[1:00:44] I Saw the Devil

[1:00:45] I watched a little

[1:00:47] while back.

[1:00:48] It's a Korean

[1:00:48] where do you see

[1:00:50] the devil?

[1:00:51] Revenge thriller.

[1:00:52] You can see it

[1:00:53] on Netflix.

[1:00:55] It's about

[1:00:55] a

[1:00:57] cop

[1:00:58] kind of a

[1:00:59] super cop type

[1:01:00] who

[1:01:01] So Jackie Chan

[1:01:02] has his wife

[1:01:03] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:04] He's more of a

[1:01:05] police squad.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:06] He's more of a

[1:01:07] robo cop.

[1:01:08] This cop

[1:01:09] has his wife

[1:01:10] killed by a serial killer

[1:01:11] and

[1:01:12] tracks the serial killer

[1:01:13] down

[1:01:13] and instead of

[1:01:14] immediately

[1:01:16] dragging him in

[1:01:19] to face justice

[1:01:20] he kind of engages him

[1:01:21] in a horrible

[1:01:22] cat and mouse game

[1:01:24] It's called

[1:01:25] Mousetrap.

[1:01:26] Trying to make him feel

[1:01:27] That is a horrible game.

[1:01:28] It's a terrible game.

[1:01:29] It never works right.

[1:01:31] But he wants him

[1:01:32] to make him feel

[1:01:33] the same misery

[1:01:34] that he felt

[1:01:34] which

[1:01:35] predictably

[1:01:36] backfires on him.

[1:01:37] It allows the serial killer

[1:01:38] to sort of

[1:01:39] turn the tables on him

[1:01:40] and

[1:01:42] of the

[1:01:42] Korean movies

[1:01:44] about revenge

[1:01:45] and there have been many

[1:01:47] it's

[1:01:48] not necessarily

[1:01:48] the deepest

[1:01:49] but it is

[1:01:50] one of the most

[1:01:51] gruesome.

[1:01:53] Not the deepest

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:53] but perhaps the creepest.

[1:01:55] Yeah.

[1:01:56] But this is the guy

[1:01:56] who directed

[1:01:57] The Good, The Bad

[1:01:58] and The Weird

[1:01:58] which I think

[1:01:59] he recommended.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:00] I recommended that

[1:02:00] a while ago

[1:02:01] I think.

[1:02:02] This is a much less

[1:02:04] fun movie than that

[1:02:05] but it's still

[1:02:05] a pretty good movie.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:06] It's pretty fun.

[1:02:09] It's creepy gross fun.

[1:02:10] What about when I slashes

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:10] that guy's Achilles tendon?

[1:02:12] That's hilarious.

[1:02:13] Yeah.

[1:02:13] I don't know about

[1:02:14] hilarious.

[1:02:16] That's my recommendation.

[1:02:17] Is it my turn?

[1:02:18] Yeah.

[1:02:18] It's your turn.

[1:02:18] This is the part of the podcast

[1:02:19] where Elliot gets to

[1:02:20] recommend a movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:22] Reca-Kalendations.

[1:02:24] Reca-Lamendations.

[1:02:25] Stop trying to brand

[1:02:26] your subsection

[1:02:27] of this segment.

[1:02:28] Dan, this is the future.

[1:02:29] We're all mini entrepreneurs

[1:02:30] and it's about branding.

[1:02:31] I gotta build my brand.

[1:02:32] Okay.

[1:02:32] So anyway,

[1:02:33] welcome to Kalen's Corner.

[1:02:34] Oh boy.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:34] Well, a lot of slow

[1:02:35] moving down here

[1:02:36] at Kalen's Corner.

[1:02:37] Life goes slow

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:38] as I'm going to crawl.

[1:02:39] Clop, clop, clop, clop.

[1:02:40] Foley effects.

[1:02:41] Clop, clop, clop.

[1:02:42] That's my horse

[1:02:42] and my Foley effects guy.

[1:02:45] Here down at Kalen's Corner

[1:02:46] we just sit and whittle

[1:02:48] and talk about movies.

[1:02:49] This time I'd like to talk

[1:02:51] about a little movie

[1:02:52] I saw recently.

[1:02:53] Take it away,

[1:02:53] grandson Kalen.

[1:02:55] Thanks, grandpappy.

[1:03:00] I'm just kidding.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:03] Okay.

[1:03:03] I don't know why that's that.

[1:03:04] Is grandbaby Kalen flying off to heaven?

[1:03:07] I don't know what that music was for.

[1:03:09] I mean, he did wink

[1:03:10] and there was a sparkle

[1:03:11] that came out of it

[1:03:12] implying that maybe

[1:03:13] he was a ghost the whole time

[1:03:14] or perhaps a Mr. Miracle type

[1:03:16] or a Mr. Destiny type person.

[1:03:18] The gates of the heavenly house

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:19] open for him.

[1:03:20] Yeah, his destiny

[1:03:21] turns on the radio type figure.

[1:03:23] He wanders in between the cornfield.

[1:03:25] Destiny, turn off that radio.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:28] This is my favorite song.

[1:03:29] Destiny's Child.

[1:03:31] I have a headache.

[1:03:32] Anyway, the movie I saw.

[1:03:34] This is a movie I've been wanting to see

[1:03:35] for a number of years

[1:03:35] and I just, for a reason,

[1:03:37] never got around to do it

[1:03:38] and I finally did.

[1:03:39] It's called...

[1:03:40] It's called...

[1:03:41] How can Dolly Parton

[1:03:42] and James Woods

[1:03:43] be romantic leads?

[1:03:45] What a miss best pair.

[1:03:46] But it works.

[1:03:47] It works.

[1:03:49] Anyway, it's a Samuel Fuller movie

[1:03:53] that maybe you guys have seen,

[1:03:54] I know, called Shock Corridor

[1:03:55] about a reporter

[1:03:57] who is trying to solve a murder

[1:03:59] in a mental asylum

[1:04:00] and to do so,

[1:04:01] he's got to convince them

[1:04:02] he's crazy

[1:04:03] so he can get put

[1:04:04] in this mental asylum.

[1:04:05] So he forces his girlfriend

[1:04:06] to pretend that she is his sister

[1:04:08] and that he has sexual feelings for her

[1:04:10] so that they'll lock him up.

[1:04:12] And there,

[1:04:12] there are three witnesses

[1:04:13] to the murder,

[1:04:14] each with a different psychosis

[1:04:15] and he's got to get through

[1:04:17] their psychoses

[1:04:18] to get to the truth

[1:04:19] before he goes insane himself.

[1:04:22] And the insanities

[1:04:23] of the different inmates

[1:04:24] are used to make different,

[1:04:26] you know,

[1:04:26] social political points.

[1:04:27] It's almost like

[1:04:28] a couple of different

[1:04:29] Twilight Zones

[1:04:29] were smashed together

[1:04:30] inside this mental hospital.

[1:04:32] But it's a very,

[1:04:33] at times,

[1:04:34] weird,

[1:04:35] exploitation-y type movie

[1:04:37] but never goes too far

[1:04:39] in that direction.

[1:04:39] It's a Samuel Fuller movie.

[1:04:41] So it's high quality

[1:04:41] but it rides the edge

[1:04:43] of being like a crazy B movie.

[1:04:44] And I want to highlight

[1:04:46] in particular

[1:04:46] the performance of Larry Tucker

[1:04:48] who is better known

[1:04:50] as a screenwriter

[1:04:50] and a producer

[1:04:52] but plays the character,

[1:04:53] a fat opera singing character

[1:04:55] named Pagliacci

[1:04:56] and his acting in it

[1:04:57] is so natural

[1:04:59] that it feels like,

[1:05:02] it feels like,

[1:05:03] a little bit like

[1:05:04] the movies you'd see

[1:05:05] with Marlon Brando

[1:05:05] where everyone else

[1:05:07] is acting

[1:05:07] and he's just kind of being

[1:05:09] and Larry Tucker manages

[1:05:10] in a lot of the scenes

[1:05:11] to accomplish that

[1:05:12] where he just seems like

[1:05:13] this guy who lives

[1:05:15] in this mental institution

[1:05:16] and it comes off

[1:05:17] as very natural.

[1:05:18] But otherwise,

[1:05:19] it's a fun,

[1:05:19] tight little thriller movie

[1:05:21] that's very weird at times.

[1:05:23] And I recommend it.

[1:05:24] Shock Corridor.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:27] Well, guys,

[1:05:29] thanks for sharing

[1:05:30] the weirdness

[1:05:31] of Clint Eastwood

[1:05:32] and Orangutan with me.

[1:05:33] There's no two guys

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:33] I'd rather see

[1:05:34] Clint Eastwood

[1:05:35] and Sandra Locke

[1:05:35] have a threesome

[1:05:36] with an orangutan with

[1:05:37] than you two.

[1:05:38] This is the end

[1:05:39] of our pod crawl?

Dan McCoy

[1:05:41] Yeah,

[1:05:41] if you missed

[1:05:43] the first part,

[1:05:44] again,

[1:05:44] check out

[1:05:45] We Hate Movies

[1:05:46] and their

[1:05:47] exhaustive

[1:05:49] exploration

[1:05:52] of every which way

[1:05:53] but loose.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:54] And why not

[1:05:54] just check out

[1:05:55] We Hate Movies

[1:05:55] in general?

[1:05:56] Yeah, man.

[1:05:57] Why not?

Dan McCoy

[1:05:58] We're not jealous.

[1:06:00] I mean,

[1:06:01] you know.

[1:06:02] Of what?

[1:06:02] Of, you know,

[1:06:03] of listeners cheating on us

[1:06:05] with a bad movie podcast.

[1:06:06] No, no, no.

[1:06:06] We're opening it.

[1:06:06] No, we get kind of into it.

[1:06:07] Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[1:06:08] It's like

[1:06:09] I sit in a chair.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:10] Yeah, Stuart sits in a chair

[1:06:12] and watches them

[1:06:12] Dan sits on the arm

[1:06:13] of that chair.

[1:06:13] Listening to We Hate Movies.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:15] Clinking the ice

[1:06:16] in his glass.

[1:06:17] Yeah.

[1:06:18] It's one of those scenes

[1:06:19] where you're sitting

[1:06:19] in a chair watching

[1:06:20] because you want to see it

[1:06:21] but then when it gets

[1:06:22] too intimate

[1:06:22] you like

[1:06:23] like you flinch

[1:06:24] or you pull back

[1:06:25] but that's when you feel

[1:06:26] the most pleasure.

[1:06:26] That's why I wear

[1:06:27] a domino mask

[1:06:28] so I can shift

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:29] the domino mask

[1:06:29] and cover my eyes.

[1:06:30] And someone ends up

[1:06:31] strangled to death

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:31] with a tie.

[1:06:33] It's awful.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:34] It's a web of mystery

[1:06:35] and deceit.

[1:06:36] Yeah.

[1:06:36] But until all the house

[1:06:37] of cards falls apart

[1:06:38] it's very sexy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:40] A game of seductive

[1:06:40] cat and mouse.

[1:06:42] Yeah.

[1:06:42] In which a cat

[1:06:43] has sex with a mouse.

[1:06:45] Mm-hmm.

[1:06:47] Yeah.

[1:06:49] not Tom and Jerry

[1:06:53] an XXX parody.

[1:06:54] Wait.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:57] All right.

[1:06:58] Well,

[1:06:58] thanks for listening

[1:07:00] to this nonsense.

[1:07:02] For the Flophouse

[1:07:02] I've been Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:04] I've been Stuart Wellington.

[1:07:06] I've been Ashamed

[1:07:07] but I'm also Elliot Kalin.

[1:07:09] Good night everyone.

[1:07:11] Do do do do do do do.

[1:07:12] You're a sexy nurse.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:23] I'm a sexy nurse.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:25] I'm a nurse.

[1:07:27] Do you need

[1:07:27] do you need some

[1:07:28] sex?

[1:07:30] That's a little naughty.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:31] Your doctor prescribed

[1:07:32] sex for you?

[1:07:35] Seems unlikely.

[1:07:35] This is the most

[1:07:36] straightforward

[1:07:36] doctor's adventures

[1:07:37] episode from Brazzers

[1:07:39] I've ever seen.

[1:07:41] I am here for

[1:07:42] the sex doctor.

[1:07:43] That's me.

[1:07:44] Let's do it I guess.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:46] I prescribe 10 cc's

[1:07:48] of sex.

[1:07:50] All right.

[1:07:50] That's not a lot.

[1:07:52] Was that like a second?

[1:07:54] Yeah.

[1:07:55] Well,

[1:07:56] they're getting treatment

[1:07:56] for sex addiction.

[1:07:58] Yeah,

[1:07:58] they're trying to wean

[1:07:59] them off using sexadone.

[1:08:01] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:01] Don't say wean

[1:08:02] around a sex addict.

[1:08:03] They totally think

[1:08:04] they love that band.

The Flop House: Episode #151 - Any Which Way You Can

Transcript

In this episode

Description