The Flop House: Episode #151 - Any Which Way You Can

[0:00] Worlds collide in this crossover with We Hate Movies as we review the second part

[0:06] of the Clint Goes Ape duology, Any Which Way You Can.

[0:30] Hey everyone, welcome to the Flop House, I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:40] Welcome to the Flop House, I'm Stuart.

[0:42] Hi, well good afternoon to you Stuart, you didn't say your last name.

[0:48] And welcome to the Flop House, I'm Elliott Kalin.

[0:52] As to how much you're going to forget of your own name.

[0:54] Exactly, this time it was one half.

[0:58] So this is a bit of a special episode of the Flop House.

[1:00] We're going to learn a lesson.

[1:01] It's a very special episode of the Flop House.

[1:05] Stuart, you have an addiction to fun.

[1:08] And Dan, I'm divorcing you.

[1:10] Whoa, it's a double special episode.

[1:12] It's two specials, yeah.

[1:14] You and Stuart still love me the same, right?

[1:16] Even though...

[1:17] You're kind of the reason that, uh, yeah.

[1:19] You're the reason I'm having too much fun is because, I don't know, your vanilla human-ness

[1:24] has bored me.

[1:25] What?

[1:26] We've got to make up for it with having too much fun.

[1:28] Okay, this is actually a special episode because...

[1:32] It's the part two of a pod crawl.

[1:34] Yes, we have teamed up in a, let's call it a Marvel DC style crossover.

[1:40] We're Marvel.

[1:41] Awesome.

[1:42] With We Hate Movies.

[1:43] So I'm Venom, you're Gambit.

[1:45] Why am I Gambit?

[1:46] And Dan's Cyclops, right?

[1:48] You're Gambit, Dan's Cyclops, I'm Beast.

[1:50] Can I be Carnage?

[1:51] Why would you want to be Carnage?

[1:52] Because he's a terrible character.

[1:53] Okay, continue.

[1:54] The point is, a popular bad movie podcast, We Hate Movies watched every which way but

[2:02] loose.

[2:03] The first iconic Clint Eastwood orangutan bare knuckle fist fighting trucker movie.

[2:09] And we're bringing up...

[2:10] Part of the Which Way series of movies.

[2:12] Of which there are two.

[2:15] For now.

[2:16] And we're bringing up the rear of the duology with Any Which Way You Can.

[2:19] Yeah, Stuart, you raised an interesting point.

[2:21] When are they going to do the reboot of the series where Clint Eastwood hands off the

[2:24] orangutan to a younger generation?

[2:26] Yeah, there's like a Channing Tatum or Tatum Channing, I don't know.

[2:32] Whichever way you want to do it.

[2:33] Any Which Way You Can say his name.

[2:35] Channing Tatum.

[2:36] And the monkey will be played by...

[2:39] Ape.

[2:40] He's an ape.

[2:41] He's not a monkey.

[2:42] He's an orangutan, which is an ape, and not a monkey.

[2:44] So any jokes using the phrase monkey business automatically de-queued.

[2:49] Let's just ban right now.

[2:50] Monkey business.

[2:51] Monkeying around.

[2:52] Hey, hey, we're the monkeys.

[2:54] Monkey wrench.

[2:55] Or, I don't know, like...

[2:57] If you really like the movie, you can't say you're going ape over it.

[3:00] No, you can say that.

[3:01] Oh, I can say that.

[3:02] Yeah, yeah.

[3:03] He's a great ape.

[3:04] He's one of the apes.

[3:05] Yeah, he's a really great ape.

[3:08] He's a great ape.

[3:09] I mean, he was.

[3:10] Spoiler alert.

[3:11] That ape died.

[3:12] Okay, well, why don't we bring it down at the very beginning by talking about animal

[3:16] cruelty.

[3:18] This movie is a great example of animal cruelty.

[3:20] So if you...

[3:21] It was cruel to us.

[3:22] The human animal.

[3:23] The human animal.

[3:24] So if you...

[3:25] As Desmond Morris would say.

[3:26] If you want to learn what we're talking about, you can run on over to We Hate Movies and

[3:29] listen to their first installment, where they talk about the first one.

[3:33] And then come back to us right now for the second installment, where we talk about this

[3:36] movie, which is now.

[3:38] So any which way you can.

[3:40] It's the sequel, right?

[3:41] Some would say squeakquel, but they'd be wrong.

[3:44] There are no squeaking animals in this.

[3:45] Orangutans, according to this movie, make the sound of farts with their mouths and also

[3:49] punch people.

[3:50] Yeah.

[3:51] A lot of punch sound effects and tearing cars apart.

[3:53] This...

[3:54] Whoever invented the punch sound effect made a lot of royalties off this movie.

[3:57] Let me tell you.

[3:58] There's a lot of smacking of lips between Clive and...

[4:05] They kiss once.

[4:06] I don't...

[4:07] I mean, he kisses a lot of people.

[4:09] He does.

[4:10] That's true.

[4:11] He kisses a guy in a bar.

[4:12] But he only kisses Clint Eastwood once.

[4:14] The whole time I just kept thinking about the episode of The Critic, where he watches

[4:16] one of these movies, and Clint Eastwood's asleep, and Clive starts kissing him, and

[4:20] he goes, someone's kissing me.

[4:22] It must be a beautiful woman.

[4:24] Now I'll make sweet love to you without opening my eyes the entire time.

[4:29] That's kind of not that far from the movie in a lot of ways.

[4:33] Yeah, we'll get into that.

[4:34] I feel like...

[4:35] Are we going to...

[4:36] Now, this is going to be a hard movie to summarize, because there's very little plot.

[4:38] Yeah, well, this is the part of the show, usually, where Elliot would summarize the

[4:42] movie.

[4:43] If you feel like this movie was made as a cruel joke to you, somehow Clint Eastwood

[4:47] would be like, someday there's going to be a punk who's going to try and make fun of

[4:51] me.

[4:52] I'm going to make it as hard as possible.

[4:53] It's not a bad Clint Eastwood impression.

[4:54] It's not a bad Clint Eastwood impression.

[4:55] Have you been working on that one?

[4:56] Now, what would happen if Clint Eastwood met Michael Caine?

[4:58] I think it would go a little something like this.

[5:02] Hey, Michael.

[5:04] Hello, my friend, Clint Eastwood.

[5:08] And scene.

[5:09] Okay, now what if Dracula was there?

[5:12] Whoa.

[5:13] Clint Eastwood of the night, what beautiful music you make.

[5:16] Okay, now Henry Kissinger's there.

[5:20] I can't believe I'm meeting Clint Eastwood.

[5:22] That's pretty good.

[5:23] That's pretty good.

[5:24] Okay, now what does Clint Eastwood say to Henry Kissinger?

[5:25] Because they're both Republicans.

[5:26] Stay the course, buddy.

[5:27] You're doing a great job.

[5:28] Okay, now what does Pee Wee Herman say when he gets there?

[5:32] Uh-huh.

[5:33] Oh, I can't do it.

[5:34] It's terrible.

[5:35] Wow.

[5:36] Terrible one.

[5:37] I was ready to go.

[5:38] There's more of a goofy than anything.

[5:39] There's a reason...

[5:40] That was like a dog man.

[5:42] It was a great Pinto Colvig impression.

[5:43] There's a reason they call me not the next Rich Little.

[5:47] Yeah, they do call you that, yeah.

[5:49] Not necessarily the Rich Little.

[5:51] Yeah.

[5:52] So, wait.

[5:53] So this movie, it's very...

[5:55] This movie is like if somebody drew a bunch of cartoons of scenes featuring the same characters

[5:59] on a poster and then you just kind of looked at it all at once.

[6:04] Like a Jack Davis poster?

[6:05] It is one of those things, you're watching it and you're like, is this like an adaptation

[6:09] of a book of short stories about Philo and Clyde, the beer knuckle boxer and his orangutan

[6:16] buddy?

[6:17] Yeah, there was...

[6:18] It takes a long time for any sort of story to kick in.

[6:20] There was some sort of blue-collar PG Woodhouse out there that they discovered these stories.

[6:26] Peggy Woodhouse, a stay-at-home mom in Billings, decided to write this.

[6:32] Like a real Murders in the Room org.

[6:34] Not at all in any way, except it has an orangutan in it.

[6:36] Yeah, that's what I meant.

[6:37] Although Clyde, you have to assume, murdered a number of people.

[6:41] He punches a lot of people in this so hard that they're immediately knocked out and probably

[6:45] dead.

[6:46] So anyway, here's the movie.

[6:48] So the first movie...

[6:49] I don't want to hear where you start with this one.

[6:50] The first movie established that Clinius Wood has Philo Beddo, a truck driver, beer knuckle

[6:56] boxer, with his best friend Orville and an orangutan named Clyde who he just happens

[7:00] to have around all the time.

[7:01] So the orangutan has the most normal name of the three of them.

[7:03] Of Philo, Orville, and Clyde, yeah, I guess so.

[7:07] They also live with Ruth Gordon, Orville's mom.

[7:10] The actor Ruth Gordon?

[7:11] Well, the character played by Ruth Gordon in the role of sassy old lady.

[7:16] Does she have sex in this movie?

[7:17] Yes, she does.

[7:18] You better believe it.

[7:19] We'll get there.

[7:21] She kicks a guy in the nuts, then has sex with him.

[7:23] We call it the old Ruth Gordon.

[7:24] Sure, that's to swell up his genitalia.

[7:26] Well, that's why if you hire a prostitute and you say, give me a Ruth Gordon, she kicks

[7:29] you in the nuts, then has sex with you.

[7:31] Yeah.

[7:32] A Cleveland Ruth Gordon is a different thing, though.

[7:35] Yeah, yeah.

[7:36] That's when you do it in Cleveland.

[7:38] You just name it after whatever city you're in at the time.

[7:42] Give me a Newark Ruth Gordon, sorry, we're in Boise.

[7:47] And if you're on the...

[7:48] It's going to take a while.

[7:49] If you're on the space station, you say, give me a space Ruth Gordon.

[7:51] Oh, yeah, of course, because everything's space and space.

[7:54] Hand me that space soda.

[7:55] I want a space drink and so forth.

[7:57] I need a space straw.

[7:58] It costs a lot of space bucks, that space Ruth Gordon.

[8:01] Can you give me a space massage?

[8:02] I'm feeling a lot of space aches in my space shoulders.

[8:05] Such a waste of time.

[8:08] Do you want a happy space ending?

[8:10] And so forth.

[8:11] That's a space massage thing.

[8:13] Don't go into those space parlors.

[8:14] They're just, you know, they're not good for you.

[8:17] Okay, so where's...

[8:18] That's a space joke.

[8:19] So this movie takes place in space.

[8:20] So in the first movie, they live in California.

[8:23] It's a very blue-collar milieu.

[8:25] And this is a movie that was made at a time, late 70s, early 80s.

[8:28] This movie came out in 1980 when it was like kind of the beginning of the end of the era

[8:33] of the Hollywood making a lot of movies about blue-collar people.

[8:37] Let's call it the Hal Needham era, even though this was not directed by him.

[8:40] I mean, it's Hal Needham because there's a lot of like car chasing and fist fighting,

[8:46] but there were movies like...

[8:47] If CB radio was a genre, then that would be these types of films.

[8:50] Yeah, okay, because then there were other movies that were like Fat City about blue-collar

[8:54] people that is not Hal Needham-esque in any way.

[8:57] But you got your two strains of blue-collar movie, your low-key character studies about

[9:02] depressing stuff, and your Hal Needham-type movies about fist fights and bars and honky-tonk

[9:06] music and orangutans riding around in trucks.

[9:09] Beer, trucks.

[9:10] Let's face it, date raping other orangutans as we'll get to it.

[9:14] But anyway, so that's the first movie established those things.

[9:17] And Sandra Locke, Clint Eastwood's at the time real-life girlfriend, plays his movie

[9:21] love interest, but they have a falling out.

[9:23] So this movie starts...

[9:24] In the movie, she's running a scam on him, and he keeps following around, like the whole

[9:29] point, like the title of the movie is about this.

[9:31] It has nothing to do with the orangutan hanging on the poster.

[9:35] Which makes...

[9:36] If the orangutan's on the poster, again, he should be the star of the movie.

[9:40] Or...

[9:41] It's what made it the second-highest grossing film, right?

[9:44] And now this movie didn't do as well as that one.

[9:46] This movie was only the fifth-highest grossing movie in 1980.

[9:51] But so, this movie starts off, Clint Eastwood has his last bare-knuckle fight for a while

[9:55] in a quarry or an oil refinery pit or something.

[9:59] It looks like...

[10:00] It's where the good guys live in Road Warrior, basically.

[10:02] But it's in the middle of somewhere in California.

[10:04] Yeah, and this is one of these movies

[10:06] that we've talked about before,

[10:07] where people are famous for things

[10:09] they should never be famous for.

[10:10] He is a bare-knuckle pit fighter,

[10:12] but he's somehow incredibly famous.

[10:14] He's a legend.

[10:15] He's a legend.

[10:16] And he's not famous for being the guy

[10:18] who drives around with a fucking orangutan.

[10:19] No, he's famous for being a great fist fighter.

[10:23] And if anything, the orangutan is seen as

[10:25] not particularly out of the ordinary,

[10:27] or even worth mentioning.

[10:29] The two times people talk about it,

[10:31] one time, at the very end of the movie,

[10:34] a cop tries to arrest him for having this orangutan.

[10:36] The beginning of the movie, they're in a bar,

[10:38] and a guy, he's sitting next to Clyde at the bar,

[10:41] because of course, Clyde gets to go in the bar and drink.

[10:44] Because this is, okay, here's-

[10:46] There's a coach from major leagues,

[10:47] the bartender, and he's cool.

[10:49] Here's what I'm gonna posit.

[10:50] It's because he sits down, and the guy on the bar's like,

[10:52] I don't like sitting next to dirty apes.

[10:55] Not in a way like, what the fuck,

[10:56] there's an ape in this bar,

[10:57] but in the way of like, a racist would say it.

[11:00] So it's almost like, I'm gonna posit

[11:01] this takes place in a universe where it's like,

[11:04] one of the middle stages between

[11:06] Conquest of the Planet of the Apes and Planet of the Apes,

[11:09] where apes are like,

[11:10] just finally starting to get their civil rights,

[11:12] but there's still a lot of racists out there

[11:14] who are not cool with it,

[11:15] and have decided that they're just

[11:17] gonna cause trouble for apes.

[11:19] Either that, or, but then there's a zoo

[11:21] that has orangutans.

[11:22] But there's also like a scene later on,

[11:24] there is one scene later on where they check into a hotel,

[11:26] and they have to like dress Clyde up in like, a nightdress.

[11:30] And be like, oh, it's my Aunt Flo, or whatever, like.

[11:34] Aunt Flo, well that's.

[11:36] Yeah, they dress Clyde up as the concept of menstruation.

[11:39] No, but.

[11:41] Such a, this is a really elaborate outfit.

[11:45] But no, it's.

[11:46] Clyde, I don't think this idea's really getting across.

[11:49] But I don't know.

[11:50] Hopefully they'll think it's clever, rather than funny.

[11:52] Yeah.

[11:53] Yeah.

[11:54] Well, they're not gonna think it's funny,

[11:55] because it's in this movie, and almost nothing in it is.

[11:57] But that's the only time that they make any bow

[11:59] to the idea that like, oh, maybe not every establishment

[12:02] would be welcoming of orangutans.

[12:04] So, they are, which orangutans, as we know,

[12:07] from Lurders in the Rue Marg, are notorious murderers.

[12:10] And I know I said murderers in the Rue Marg.

[12:12] It sounds like Rue Marge.

[12:14] Which, if the Simpsons.

[12:15] The way Dan was laughing, he couldn't jump on it.

[12:16] If the Simpsons knew what it was doing,

[12:18] they'd, on the Halloween episode,

[12:19] they'd have Murder in the Rue Marge,

[12:21] where Marge is attacked by,

[12:24] or I guess Homer is the orangutan.

[12:25] Yeah.

[12:26] It's basically the King Homer cartoon

[12:28] from the other Treehouse of Horror episode.

[12:30] But anyway, getting back to the movie,

[12:32] because we're about 30 seconds into it.

[12:34] Clint Eastwood has a fight at this place.

[12:37] He says, that's my last fight.

[12:39] Clyde takes a moment to shit on the seat of a police car,

[12:42] because Clyde hates the cops.

[12:44] Let's just say that.

[12:45] He's not a big fan of the pigs, and so forth.

[12:48] Well, he's like a free spirit.

[12:49] So, the character.

[12:50] He's like a coyote, trickster spirit.

[12:53] That's true.

[12:54] He's the rabbit figure of so many African tales.

[12:58] Yeah.

[12:59] The Clyde.

[13:00] Personified in Western culture by Spider-Man.

[13:02] I don't think that's necessarily.

[13:04] Not exactly.

[13:08] The mythology, I don't think, lines up

[13:10] down the line at that point.

[13:10] I mean, not completely, but hear him out.

[13:12] Okay, let's.

[13:13] You know, let's continue with the movie

[13:16] before I go on a dissertation

[13:17] about how Spider-Man is similar to Coyote.

[13:20] Okay.

[13:21] No, we've got time.

[13:22] Come on, Stuart.

[13:23] Then the characters basically hang around for a long time.

[13:27] Clint Eastwood goes to this honky-tonk bar

[13:29] and sees Sandra Locke perform at least once.

[13:32] Yeah, we get reintroduced to characters

[13:33] from the first movie.

[13:34] Yeah, Fats Domino performs at one point.

[13:37] This is like, the movie just goes

[13:39] into musical numbers at times,

[13:40] and that used to be more common,

[13:42] that a movie would just have a musical number in it.

[13:44] Fats Domino being definitely the biggest name

[13:47] of all the people.

[13:48] Oh, sure.

[13:48] Yeah, the first half of the movie features

[13:50] multiple lengthy performances.

[13:53] In this, yeah, and it's something

[13:55] that I wish they'd done better,

[13:57] because I would have kind of liked it

[13:58] if they did it better,

[14:00] was that there's something about country music

[14:02] that I don't always like listening to on my headphones,

[14:06] but in a movie, I'm more than willing

[14:07] to have a scene where it's just a band performing.

[14:11] There's something about country music

[14:12] that I like more in a movie,

[14:14] the same way that techno music works for me

[14:17] when it's in the soundtrack of a movie,

[14:19] but I would never listen to it.

[14:20] When vampires are fighting blades or something.

[14:22] It sounds terrible, yeah.

[14:23] But by and large, these are not great country bands.

[14:25] No, they're not,

[14:26] but they couldn't really get out the big names.

[14:28] Yeah, they're in honky-tonks.

[14:30] The fact that Fats Domino is the biggest name

[14:32] in the country music movie says something.

[14:34] But anyway, eventually,

[14:37] we see some slick New York types

[14:40] who watch a mongoose fight a snake,

[14:42] and they start talking about this fighter named Wilson,

[14:45] who apparently is so tough he's been hurting people,

[14:47] and no one will fight him.

[14:49] But then they hear about Phil Beddo,

[14:50] the fight king of the West, played by Clint Eastwood,

[14:52] and they say, if we can get these two guys to fight,

[14:54] it'll be the fight of the century.

[14:55] These two famous bare-knuckle underground fighters.

[14:58] And so they approach Clint Eastwood,

[15:00] and they offer him money to fight this guy, Wilson.

[15:03] The characters kind of hang around again for a while.

[15:05] We see Clyde literally just hang around the yard,

[15:08] punching things.

[15:09] Despite being grifted by Sandra Locke,

[15:12] they end up getting together.

[15:13] Yeah, he breaks her out of the YWCA.

[15:14] The first third of the movie is that, right?

[15:16] Oh, and then.

[15:17] Oh, yeah, we shouldn't pass over the scene

[15:20] where after, yeah, he breaks her out of the YWCA,

[15:23] they go out into, I guess, the shed.

[15:26] Yeah, this is what I wanna get to.

[15:27] So she's gonna stay over at his house,

[15:29] sleeping in his room, which has a huge gun case,

[15:33] this case just full of rifles.

[15:34] But anyway, and she says, where are you gonna sleep?

[15:37] And he goes, I'll sleep in the shed with Clyde.

[15:39] And he beds down with Clyde.

[15:40] Which has gotten much larger, I think,

[15:42] than in the first film.

[15:43] Well, yeah, they expanded it

[15:44] with the money they made in the first film.

[15:45] Clyde is spooning him in this,

[15:48] they're swaddled together in a sleeping bag.

[15:50] Sandra Locke walks in and is like,

[15:52] basically, is there room for one more?

[15:53] Gets into bed with Clint and Clyde, fade to black.

[15:56] Yeah, Clyde does not leave.

[15:57] No, Clyde puts his hand over her hand.

[16:00] And there's this shed with straw all over the ground,

[16:02] and Clint clearly took his shirt off

[16:04] before getting in bed with an orangutan.

[16:06] Yeah, well.

[16:06] Which is probably a scratchy animal.

[16:07] Scratchy, but also, like,

[16:09] Clyde has clearly peed and shat all over this shed.

[16:11] That's why the straw is there.

[16:14] Yep, and he put a newspaper clipping of an orangutan

[16:17] he wants to put on the wall.

[16:18] The straw's not there so Clyde can spit it into gold.

[16:21] Just selling his first child to Rumpelstiltskin.

[16:23] It's there because it's absorbing pee.

[16:25] And on the wall is an article

[16:27] that I guess Clyde ripped out of the newspaper

[16:30] of an orangutan at a zoo.

[16:31] He combs the fucking newspaper

[16:32] looking for orangutan stories.

[16:34] Well, he has a clipping service.

[16:35] And he finally found one.

[16:35] He has a clipping service

[16:37] that cuts orangutan stories for him.

[16:39] And this one is a girl orangutan

[16:42] that he has a crush on.

[16:44] And he's put it up as a pin-up in his room.

[16:47] But anyway, so we fade to the next morning.

[16:49] Clint Eastwood and Sandra Locke

[16:50] are just in bed with Clyde.

[16:52] Clyde gets up, leaves the two lovebirds,

[16:54] and just-

[16:55] Ever kissing her on the face or something.

[16:56] And I know he's not a monkey,

[16:57] but he is just monkeying around in the yard for a while.

[17:00] Yeah, but we have to assume,

[17:02] we have to assume that alighted in that

[17:04] was a threesome.

[17:05] Oh yeah, a threesome between Clint Eastwood

[17:07] and an orangutan and Sandra Locke, yeah.

[17:08] And after Clyde leaves, they make a comment about,

[17:12] okay, he's gone.

[17:13] We can get it on, I guess.

[17:16] They didn't say it in so many words.

[17:17] And then they cut to a shot of Clyde

[17:19] goofing around, breaking shit.

[17:21] And you're assuming that's a visual metaphor

[17:24] for intercourse, right?

[17:26] There's no more poetic parallel for human intercourse

[17:29] than an orangutan in a junkyard just wrecking stuff.

[17:32] Spraying water into his mouth from a hose.

[17:34] When he's wiggling his body into a trash can.

[17:37] That's what-

[17:38] Yeah.

[17:38] And he gets wrapped up in a hammock.

[17:40] Jan, let me talk to you about the birds and bees.

[17:42] What?

[17:43] That's basically what it's like.

[17:43] My dad sat me down when I was young and he said,

[17:45] son, I want you to hear this from me.

[17:46] I'm gonna tell you about the orangutans in the trash cans.

[17:49] When an orangutan walks in a trash can-

[17:51] Always trash can it.

[17:53] Always.

[17:54] You're gonna wanna put a hammock on that thing

[17:55] before you get in a trash can.

[17:58] Safe sex, son.

[17:59] Safe sex.

[18:00] And that's why I've never had sex

[18:01] because it scared the hell out of me.

[18:03] So thanks, dad.

[18:06] Sounded gross.

[18:08] Disgusting.

[18:09] So anyway, Cliniuswood has a threesome

[18:11] with the orangutan and the lady.

[18:13] And he decides, I guess, that he doesn't wanna fight.

[18:17] There's a-

[18:18] Yeah, why would you wanna fight somebody after that moment?

[18:20] Yeah, and he pisses off the mob guys.

[18:22] And the mob guy says, we'll be back.

[18:24] But I skipped over the sequence in which,

[18:27] or maybe it happens after,

[18:28] it's the sequence where they're gonna get Clyde

[18:30] a date with that orangutan he has a crush on.

[18:33] So they go to the zoo-

[18:34] Death later.

[18:35] Yeah.

[18:36] That's after he pisses off the mobsters

[18:38] and then Clyde rips apart the guy's Cadillac.

[18:40] Well, that's okay.

[18:41] So Clyde, he says, I don't wanna fight.

[18:43] And the mobster says, you're gonna fight.

[18:44] And if you don't, my friends are gonna come see you.

[18:47] And he's like, okay, send your friends.

[18:48] Clyde rip apart his car.

[18:50] Yeah.

[18:51] So he does.

[18:52] Which comes after an earlier scene

[18:53] where we see Clyde helping Orville

[18:55] in Orville's junkyard business rip apart a junk car.

[18:58] Now that's Chekhov once said.

[19:00] Yeah.

[19:01] If an orangutan rips apart a car in the first act,

[19:04] we have to see the orangutan rip apart a mobster's car

[19:07] in the second act.

[19:09] But each of these scenes are like five minutes

[19:11] of this primate destroying a car.

[19:13] This movie is almost two hours long.

[19:15] You gotta pad it out.

[19:16] So let's see the orangutan pick up every piece of the car.

[19:19] And then have an insert shot

[19:21] of someone throwing a piece of metal through the air.

[19:25] It's like the shot in Lady Hawk

[19:27] when they shoot down the hawk with an arrow.

[19:29] And it clearly looks like somebody just stuck a hawk

[19:31] with an arrow and threw it in the air.

[19:33] Or it's the shot at the end of Rookie of the Year

[19:35] when the guy hits the ball really high

[19:40] and you can clearly see a hand at the bottom of the frame

[19:42] throwing the ball up in the air.

[19:44] I was gonna say, it's like the shot at the end of Goonies

[19:46] where he tears up the contract and throws it up in the air.

[19:49] And then you see other pieces of confetti

[19:51] come in from the other sides.

[19:52] It's like two other people from each side

[19:54] throw in more torn up paper.

[19:56] Now, another thing we should mention,

[19:57] there's a biker game that Clint Pease pissed off

[19:59] in the first movie called

[20:00] Black Widows.

[20:01] They are a neo-Nazi gang, but they're pretty incompetent

[20:03] and bumbling, so they're kind of level.

[20:04] Yeah, they're like Hogan's Heroes style.

[20:07] Yeah, yeah, I guess it's like if you mixed Hogan's Heroes

[20:09] and Sons of Anarchy, that's basically what these guys are.

[20:12] And they, first Clyde punches them and they fall down.

[20:17] Another time they get chased through a tar factory, I guess?

[20:21] Yep.

[20:22] And they got hot tar on them,

[20:23] and Clint takes them to the hospital.

[20:25] And that's, hot tar can kill people.

[20:28] Like, it's really dangerous,

[20:29] but all that happens is their hair gets ripped off,

[20:31] gets ripped off, so they're wearing crazy wigs.

[20:32] And they're frozen into statue shapes.

[20:34] Yeah, yeah, but then the hospital, they take the tar off.

[20:36] Oh, okay.

[20:37] Yeah, just like how the dinosaurs

[20:38] were just frozen into statue shapes.

[20:40] Oh, I wish.

[20:41] Man, if we could just...

[20:42] And now we're just a bunch of statue dinosaurs.

[20:43] Yep.

[20:44] Yep.

[20:45] That's why there's all those dinosaur statues

[20:46] in the Lord of the Terrapins.

[20:47] That's why the dinosaurs are bald.

[20:49] And they wear funny clown wigs.

[20:52] Dinosaur clown wigs.

[20:53] Spoiler alert, those guys, after they lose their hair,

[20:55] they wear funny clown wigs.

[20:57] Jurassic Park 4, funny clown wigs.

[21:01] We mix the DNA of the dinosaurs

[21:02] with the DNA of funny clown wigs.

[21:04] So this is a game of...

[21:06] We hope nothing bad happens.

[21:08] And then the dinosaurs don't get loose,

[21:10] but no one wants to see these dinosaurs

[21:12] with crazy clown hair.

[21:13] The dinosaurs are dangerously hilarious.

[21:15] The children are too afraid of the dinosaurs,

[21:18] no of the clowns.

[21:20] We never should have mixed them with clown DNA.

[21:22] Watch this.

[21:23] And he just pokes a dinosaur, and you hear,

[21:26] they're not supposed to make that noise.

[21:29] We're gonna have to, okay,

[21:29] we'll fit all the dinosaurs into one car,

[21:32] take them on tour around the country,

[21:34] make the clown DNA work for us.

[21:36] Yeah.

[21:38] Million dollar idea.

[21:40] Well, I don't know.

[21:42] Maybe half a million.

[21:44] I think the audience would pay a million dollars

[21:45] to not have heard that whole thing.

[21:47] Anyway, so Clint Eastwood's gonna have to do this fight.

[21:50] We'll find out later why, but he's pissed off the mob.

[21:53] The important thing to know, though,

[21:54] is Clyde's gotta get laid.

[21:57] So they go to the zoo.

[21:59] Clyde gotta have it.

[22:02] Clyde was originally cast in She's Gotta Have It

[22:05] until Spike Lee decided, you know what?

[22:06] Let me make this about contemporary Brooklyn life

[22:09] and not about an orangutan who's really horny.

[22:12] Anyway, so they go to the zoo,

[22:15] and this is where it gets morally dubious.

[22:17] This is where the pit fighting movie

[22:18] about a guy who keeps an orangutan in his shed

[22:20] and has sex with it becomes morally dubious

[22:23] in that they go to the zoo

[22:24] with a vial of some kind of sedative.

[22:26] Yeah, where do you get that sedative from?

[22:28] From the vet, I guess.

[22:30] A mail order.

[22:31] Orangutan sedative company.

[22:33] Yeah, who knows?

[22:34] Clint Eastwood was mixing it up in his backyard.

[22:37] Back then, you didn't have the internet.

[22:39] You had to order it from the back of the comic book.

[22:41] That was back when you could buy guns

[22:42] and orangutan medicine from the back of comic books.

[22:45] I feel like this is a movie

[22:46] where the appearance of anything incongruous

[22:48] can be explained by that he just fought a guy for it.

[22:51] Okay, I can see that.

[22:54] Yeah.

[22:54] Like, where'd this gang get these great wigs?

[22:57] Oh, they fought some guy for it, et cetera.

[22:59] And so, yeah, that's a good point, okay.

[23:01] Where did Clyde get that thing?

[23:04] What, the newspaper clippings?

[23:06] Yeah, the newspaper clipping.

[23:07] He fought a guy.

[23:08] His clipping service, yeah.

[23:09] He fought and he won a year's supply of clipping service.

[23:12] Yeah.

[23:13] You sure you just want orangutan news?

[23:15] You got a year's supply?

[23:16] Go crazy.

[23:17] No, just the orangutan.

[23:18] Just give me hot orangutans.

[23:20] I lost my subscription to Playchimp.

[23:23] Anyway, so they go to the zoo.

[23:25] Clyde, somehow, they have a syringe of orangutans

[23:29] that they have in a banana.

[23:30] And Clyde sticks himself with the syringe and passes out.

[23:33] So Clint's like, I guess it's up to me.

[23:35] Hope I find the right tan.

[23:37] Which we don't know if he did.

[23:38] No, we do because he brings her back and Clyde's all over.

[23:42] Which leads to, they go to a motel.

[23:45] And this is when Clint and Sandra Locke are in one room.

[23:49] Clyde and his date are in another room.

[23:52] Anne Ramsey and her husband.

[23:54] Anne Ramsey, you may remember from

[23:56] Throw Mama from the Train.

[23:57] The eponymous mama.

[23:58] The titular mama.

[24:02] Earlier in the movie, she and her husband

[24:03] were seen driving down the highway

[24:05] and they saw Clint Orville and Clyde

[24:06] peeing on the side of the road.

[24:08] It was a hilarious gag.

[24:09] Now those characters come back

[24:11] and the orangutans are making so much noise

[24:13] that they want to leave.

[24:14] But she gets up to pack the suitcase

[24:16] and the sight of her butt as she bends over the suitcase

[24:18] and the sound of orangutans doing it

[24:21] drives her husband wild with lust.

[24:23] And so they have sex.

[24:24] It recalls some kind of past life experience

[24:27] he had of a hula dancer.

[24:30] Meanwhile, so there's.

[24:30] It's like you hear some jungle drums on the soundtrack.

[24:34] It's very disturbing.

[24:35] This is one of a couple times in the movie

[24:37] that it gets really goofy.

[24:39] And the next time is about to come up too.

[24:41] So the mob bad guys.

[24:42] Wait, hold on.

[24:43] Let's not gloss over the fact.

[24:46] You mentioned it before, but let's underline this.

[24:49] Clint Eastwood has kidnapped an orangutan.

[24:52] So that his orangutan can have sex with it.

[24:54] Can basically sexually assault this other monkey.

[24:57] The woman, well, here's the thing.

[24:59] The female orangutan.

[25:00] She seems into it.

[25:01] She's lying in bed.

[25:02] She seems into it.

[25:03] Meanwhile, Clyde's just wasting his time.

[25:04] I mean, what would she look like if she was not into it?

[25:06] I assume she'd like have her mace out.

[25:08] She'd say, no.

[25:09] What, like a mace, like a cudgel?

[25:11] Yeah, like a ball and chain, like a morning star.

[25:15] Just a medieval ape swinging a morning star.

[25:19] How scary would that have been?

[25:20] What a great idea.

[25:21] An idea of a knight who like rides around

[25:24] with an orangutan on a horse.

[25:27] It's a mysterious knight who never speaks.

[25:29] And it turns out he's an orangutan.

[25:31] Okay, I like it.

[25:32] But he's noble at heart.

[25:33] He fights a dragon.

[25:34] It turns out the dragon is just a big dog.

[25:38] And they save the king of England

[25:40] because he turns out to be a pigeon

[25:41] with a bottle cap on his head that looks like a crown.

[25:44] I call it Elliot's Fairy Tale Animals.

[25:47] But this love interlude with Clint and Sandra Locke

[25:50] takes like a movie.

[25:51] It's interrupted.

[25:52] This is a long scene.

[25:53] It takes a long time.

[25:54] It goes on at least 15 minutes.

[25:55] And Clyde is impressing his date

[25:57] by picking up the furniture and throwing it

[25:59] and hanging it from the chandelier.

[26:00] Clint impresses Sandra Locke

[26:02] by also hanging from the chandelier.

[26:03] Okay, in the middle.

[26:04] Sherlock's wearing jeans.

[26:05] Meanwhile, a bunch of mobsters with guns

[26:08] and three-piece suits, because it's the 70s.

[26:10] They go to Ruth Gordon's house and Orville's house

[26:13] and they say, where's Philo?

[26:16] They basically threaten them into telling them

[26:18] where they are.

[26:19] And then they go to try to stop them.

[26:20] Ruth Gordon goes, oh no, I gotta save them, I guess.

[26:23] Jumps in a tow truck, drives away.

[26:25] Orville gets in his car and drives away.

[26:28] They drive past miles and miles of auto body shops.

[26:31] Yeah, in this movie, every store is an auto body shop.

[26:35] Occasionally there's a fast food restaurant,

[26:37] but it's like, it's kind of like in Cannonball Run,

[26:40] the entire country is just roads and cars.

[26:42] Like in this one, it's just roads and repair shops.

[26:44] Having grown up in the Midwest,

[26:45] that is not entirely inaccurate.

[26:47] This movie doesn't take place in the Midwest.

[26:48] They're going to Bakersfield, California.

[26:50] I'm just saying, the great center of this land of ours

[26:53] is a vast movie entity.

[26:56] And I repeat again,

[26:56] that's not where the movie takes place.

[26:59] Yeah, all right.

[26:59] That's like if the movie is set in New York

[27:01] and there's nothing but dairy queens.

[27:03] You're like, hey, in the Midwest

[27:04] there's a lot of dairy queens.

[27:06] Well, not that many in New York

[27:07] and certainly there's other businesses.

[27:09] Once you get out of the city in California.

[27:11] Broaden your horizons is what we're saying.

[27:12] I guess you're telling me

[27:13] to go to the boring parts of the country.

[27:15] Stop wasting my time in the vibrant metropolises.

[27:17] Yep.

[27:18] Metropolises?

[27:20] I don't know, ask Superman.

[27:22] Okay.

[27:23] The point is, Ruth Gordon

[27:24] goes to the motel.

[27:25] Tracks them down the motel.

[27:26] To Warren Clint Eastwood.

[27:26] She sees the hotel proprietor

[27:29] who's peeping in on the people having sex.

[27:33] We don't know yet.

[27:34] It could be the orangutans.

[27:35] Frankly, if you were passing by a motel,

[27:38] you saw orangutans having sex in the window,

[27:40] you would stop and watch.

[27:41] But the point is, the sound.

[27:43] Don't lie to me, Dan.

[27:44] Tell me the truth.

[27:45] You would stop and watch.

[27:46] Certainly I would.

[27:47] But the point is.

[27:48] And you know how long you would watch?

[27:50] Until they were finished.

[27:51] Until completion.

[27:52] Yeah, exactly.

[27:53] You would watch the afterglow

[27:55] and the cuddling for a while

[27:56] just to make sure they didn't start up again.

[27:57] Because you're a perv.

[27:58] But the sound, the sound of orangutans.

[28:00] You're the only guy who goes to the zoo

[28:02] and then yells like, come on, go at it.

[28:04] I paid my $7.

[28:06] The sound of orangutans.

[28:07] Disgusting.

[28:08] Having sex. $7?

[28:09] That's a small zoo.

[28:10] It's a very small zoo.

[28:11] And they only have turtles.

[28:13] Sure.

[28:14] No orangutans at all.

[28:15] What am I shouting at?

[28:16] He's shouting at the turtles.

[28:18] And if any birds happen to be flying by,

[28:20] hey bird, come on down and have sex with the turtle.

[28:22] Turtles having sex is very slow,

[28:24] which makes it all the sexier.

[28:26] It's all tantric.

[28:26] It's more sensual, yeah.

[28:28] Yeah, when Sting says, I do tantric sex

[28:31] and I can have sex for hours,

[28:32] the turtle's like, uh, yeah, and?

[28:35] But what I wanted to say,

[28:37] the sound of the orangutans having sex

[28:39] has whipped this entire hotel complex into an erotic frenzy.

[28:43] And so Ruth Gordon sees this guy peeping

[28:46] and he is suddenly totally turned on by Ruth Gordon.

[28:48] And this is the other goofy moment,

[28:50] is he visualizes Bo Derek in 10 running down the beach

[28:54] with Ruth Gordon's face superimposed over Bo Derek's.

[28:58] Yeah, we're talking about modern day level special effects.

[29:00] This is like a Steve Odekirk movie level joke and effect.

[29:05] In a way that, like, I wish this movie had more of it

[29:09] because when this movie is best,

[29:11] and by best I mean tolerable,

[29:13] is when it goes totally off the rails.

[29:15] But anyway, he goes, how about it, to Ruth Gordon,

[29:17] who kicks him in the nuts and then immediately is like,

[29:20] oh no, the only live one in 20 years and I ruin him.

[29:23] And then she comes on to him

[29:24] and it's implied they have sex also.

[29:27] So Orville goes, he knows the mob is coming,

[29:30] so what he does is he goes to a fast food restaurant

[29:32] where he sees some cops, yells at them that they're gay,

[29:35] they get mad and chase him to the motel,

[29:37] it breaks up and the mob guys run away

[29:40] when they hear the sirens.

[29:41] He saved Clint Eastwood, but at what cost?

[29:43] Now he's in jail and they think he's a homophobe.

[29:45] Yeah, he's a labeled homophobe.

[29:46] Yeah, now he's gonna get kicked out.

[29:47] He's gonna be on a watch list.

[29:48] He's no longer gonna be the CEO of Mozilla.

[29:51] He has to sell his chair in the LA Clippers.

[29:54] Orville's whole business is falling apart.

[30:00] So after that, they go to return this orangutan they kidnapped to the zoo, and while they're there, the mob guys come, they kidnap Sandra Locke, they beat up Clint Eastwood, and they light his truck on fire.

[30:12] Clyde saves him by dragging him across a parking lot.

[30:15] Drags him by, like, two feet away from where he was originally.

[30:18] So he's still singed, probably.

[30:20] Yeah.

[30:21] And Clint Eastwood and Orville are like, we gotta get her back.

[30:24] After spending some time working on the fucking car parts.

[30:27] Yeah, Clint Eastwood goes home and repairs his truck.

[30:30] Doesn't seem that concerned.

[30:32] He's like, well, easy come, easy go.

[30:34] It's like he's repairing his truck and he gets a call from the mob that's like, are you gonna try to rescue your girlfriend?

[30:39] Oh yeah, I had a girlfriend.

[30:41] I forgot about that.

[30:42] Clyde and I have moved on.

[30:43] Please, tell her to let it go.

[30:45] I'm a one orangutan man.

[30:47] It was too complex before.

[30:49] You have to do this fight or else we're gonna kill her, I guess.

[30:52] And the fight's gonna be in Jackson Hole, Wyoming.

[30:55] Oh, that's a good vacation destination.

[30:58] We skipped a very important scene, which is why he said he wasn't gonna do the fight.

[31:03] Which is that the other fighter, Wilson, just shows up one day and starts jogging with Clint Eastwood.

[31:08] And they really get along and hit it off as friends.

[31:10] Yeah, they're a lot in common.

[31:12] They like punching people.

[31:13] Wilson falls off a cliff and Clint Eastwood saves him.

[31:16] And so, like, they are buddies now and they don't want to fight.

[31:19] It's like removing the thorn from the lion.

[31:21] And it's one of those things where they've been talking about this Wilson guy as if he is a monster.

[31:24] He's been hurting people.

[31:25] No one will fight him.

[31:26] And when he shows up, he is the most good-natured, well-mannered man.

[31:30] Like, he's super friendly.

[31:31] Everybody loves him.

[31:32] He should be the hero of the movie.

[31:34] If anything, Clint Eastwood is the villain of this movie.

[31:36] He is enslaved an orangutan.

[31:38] He kidnaps another orangutan.

[31:40] He infiltrates a YWCA and breaks the rules there.

[31:44] He is living off the largesse of Ruth Gordon.

[31:48] He is the bad guy.

[31:49] And this guy, Wilson, is a real stand-up noble act.

[31:52] I mean, his business is based around beating people up.

[31:56] So is the hero of the movie.

[31:59] Exactly.

[32:00] You know who else's business was based around beating people up?

[32:03] Superman.

[32:04] Nice.

[32:05] How'd that pay for him?

[32:06] Very well.

[32:07] Because what would happen was he would set it up with the bad guys.

[32:12] They would pay him to come defeat them.

[32:14] And then he would, like, steal some of the money and give it to them.

[32:17] That's pretty meta.

[32:18] That sounds like a current DC book.

[32:19] Let's say you're robbing a bank.

[32:21] Superman comes in and, quote, stops you.

[32:23] Really, at super speed, he takes some of the money and gives it to you later.

[32:26] And he wants to wet his beak a little bit.

[32:28] Also, Superman has a beak in these stories.

[32:30] Because it's one of those imaginary stories where a witch put a spell on him

[32:33] and he has a bird head now.

[32:34] I thought that was the evil version of Thor that's, like, a, like...

[32:38] What, Beta Ray Bill?

[32:39] Yeah, Beta Ray Bill.

[32:40] He's not evil.

[32:41] I thought he had a beak, though.

[32:42] No, he's got a horse face.

[32:43] All right, let's...

[32:44] I think we need to, like, sort of, like, fast forward a little bit.

[32:46] Fast forward.

[32:47] They go to Jackson Hole.

[32:48] Wilson helps them rescue Sandra Locke.

[32:50] Wilson helps them rescue Sandra Locke.

[32:52] Orville gets shot during the rescue attempt.

[32:55] Which, the brilliant plan involves Orville jumping out from behind a corner

[32:59] on the top of a guy.

[33:00] Yeah.

[33:01] And then they punch each other for a while.

[33:03] He jumps on top of her and then they just shoot.

[33:05] Oh, that's right.

[33:06] Well, they don't want to fight.

[33:08] But then they're, like...

[33:09] And there's all this money that was bet on the fight.

[33:11] People are coming from all over the country to bet on this fight.

[33:14] Even from Northern Exposure.

[33:16] Yeah.

[33:17] Barry Corbin comes all the way from Northern Exposure and War Games.

[33:20] War Games is Barry Corbin.

[33:21] And his...

[33:22] Barry Corbin, and he is the best character in the whole movie,

[33:25] aside from Wilson, the bad guy, who's really a good guy.

[33:27] Barry Corbin is one of three, I guess, rich cowboys

[33:30] who just travel the country having the same strip poker game

[33:33] with their three girlfriends.

[33:35] And flying a plane upside down,

[33:37] they seem to have the most fun life in the world.

[33:39] But everyone goes to Jackson Hole.

[33:41] The Black Widows go and they bet on Phil.

[33:43] These two old ladies go and they bet on Phil.

[33:45] Everyone wants to see this fight happen.

[33:47] And Phil and Wilson say,

[33:48] you know what?

[33:49] We're not going to fight.

[33:50] We're friends.

[33:51] And then they're like,

[33:52] hey, you know what?

[33:53] But I do wonder who would have won that fight, you or me.

[33:55] So they go to an abandoned barn in the middle of...

[33:58] like a repair shack somewhere, a barn.

[34:00] And they just start punching each other.

[34:02] Some kids see them doing it.

[34:03] The police see the kids.

[34:05] Word gets out.

[34:06] The fight is on.

[34:07] The entire town runs over.

[34:08] Like they're running away from a giant spider or something.

[34:11] Just running down the street.

[34:12] To go watch this fight.

[34:13] And it's like a shitty version of The Quiet Man.

[34:16] Clint Eastwood and this guy Wilson

[34:18] just punching each other all around town.

[34:20] Yeah, like bursting through walls,

[34:21] doing like stage transitions.

[34:24] They burst through the window of an Italian restaurant.

[34:26] They're in a mall.

[34:28] And what are those people doing

[34:29] sitting around eating Italian food?

[34:31] They should be watching this awesome fight.

[34:32] And much like in Gangster Squad,

[34:33] it ends up in a public park.

[34:35] Where, long story short,

[34:37] Clint Eastwood gets his arm broken by Wilson.

[34:40] And Wilson says,

[34:41] That's it. The fight's over.

[34:42] I broke your arm.

[34:43] And Clint's like,

[34:44] No, I'm not done yet.

[34:45] They keep fighting.

[34:46] He manages to knock Wilson out.

[34:48] The guys who were the bookies

[34:50] who arranged the whole thing

[34:51] and now are out all this money

[34:53] because everyone, I guess,

[34:54] bet on the winner.

[34:56] Which makes me feel bad for Wilson

[34:57] that apparently nobody bet on him.

[34:59] Yeah, he's such a nice guy.

[35:00] And he's totally ripped.

[35:01] They try to run out of town.

[35:02] But the Black Widows stop them

[35:04] and take all the money.

[35:05] The Black Widows are totally made up with Clint

[35:07] by this point.

[35:08] They realize he's a great fighter

[35:10] and he's not that bad a guy

[35:11] and now they're rich.

[35:12] And Clint Eastwood goes home.

[35:15] Yeah, he basically leaves.

[35:16] He gets stopped on the way out of town

[35:17] by a motorcycle cop.

[35:20] But Clyde punches him

[35:21] so everything's okay.

[35:22] It's like the end of Stoker.

[35:23] Any which way you can.

[35:24] Yep, it's just like the end of Stoker.

[35:27] It's slightly less fatal than the end of Stoker.

[35:29] I don't know.

[35:30] He hit that cop pretty hard.

[35:31] You don't see him get up.

[35:32] That's true.

[35:33] And he's also,

[35:34] he's knocked out in the middle of the desert.

[35:35] He'll probably die of heat stroke

[35:37] or dehydration.

[35:38] Coyote consumption.

[35:39] Just a coyote.

[35:40] It's just like Gangster Squad again.

[35:41] A coyote's going to come along and eat him.

[35:42] Sure.

[35:43] So here's,

[35:44] you know what?

[35:45] There's so much to say

[35:46] that's bad about this movie

[35:47] and the loose plot

[35:48] and it's stupid.

[35:49] Let me tell you one thing I liked about it.

[35:50] Okay.

[35:51] Just one thing.

[35:52] There's a lot of handheld camera work

[35:53] in the fight scenes

[35:54] and the scenes where

[35:55] Clyde is just monkeying around.

[35:57] Oh, I thought we were,

[35:58] never mind.

[35:59] We banned that pun

[36:00] but I'm saying it anyway.

[36:01] You know, I'll pay my fine later

[36:02] which is like 10 monkey bucks or something.

[36:04] It'd be eight bucks.

[36:06] And I really liked how,

[36:07] I really liked that.

[36:08] Like the use of handheld cameras in those scenes.

[36:10] I guess.

[36:11] And that's the one thing I liked.

[36:12] Although when they're fighting,

[36:13] like the thing I didn't like about this movie,

[36:16] the thing,

[36:17] one of the things I didn't like about this movie is

[36:19] for a movie based on,

[36:20] in part on bare knuckle fighting,

[36:22] like all the fight scenes just consisted

[36:24] Are terrible.

[36:25] of Clint Eastwood punching at the camera.

[36:27] And then it would cut to a guy like,

[36:28] whoa, whoa, whoa,

[36:29] like falling backwards.

[36:30] The fights are

[36:31] Yeah, there's no choreography.

[36:32] terribly choreographed.

[36:33] Okay, so things I liked.

[36:35] I liked every time the Black Widows showed up,

[36:37] we got a little bit of like doo-wop

[36:39] or like a little bit of jazz saxophone.

[36:41] For some reason,

[36:42] these neo-Nazi bikers and 50s doo-wops,

[36:45] like, well, they're bikers,

[36:46] they listen to doo-wop, I guess, right?

[36:48] Yeah, they're tough guys.

[36:49] I like that.

[36:50] They're like the Gorch.

[36:51] I like that first fight in the quarry

[36:53] when Clint Eastwood knocks that guy down

[36:57] and then there's two babes just bouncing up and down.

[36:59] Okay, that was a moment where

[37:01] there's two busty babes jumping up and down

[37:03] and I was like,

[37:04] I was like, I like this, let's see more of them.

[37:06] And then the camera literally zooms in

[37:08] on a set of boobs

[37:10] and I was like, all right, now I feel kind of gross.

[37:12] Yeah, they make you feel like a voyeur.

[37:14] That was a film critiquing your male gaze, Elliot.

[37:17] Yeah, that's funny games all over again.

[37:19] That moment accomplished what Sucker Punch

[37:21] failed to do in two hours,

[37:23] which was make me identify my lust

[37:26] and then feel bad for it,

[37:27] for objectifying these women.

[37:29] Zack Snyder, you should watch any which way you can

[37:32] and realize how a master does it.

[37:34] And that master is whoever directed this.

[37:37] Buddy Van Horn, I believe.

[37:38] Buddy Van Horn.

[37:40] Of the Deadpool.

[37:42] And of other movies.

[37:43] He made some movies with Clint Eastwood.

[37:45] Guys.

[37:46] I'm going to say another thing.

[37:47] Okay.

[37:48] This movie is, as you said while watching it,

[37:50] rich with incident.

[37:52] And I've discovered the difference

[37:53] between a movie like this

[37:54] and a movie like Killer of Sheep,

[37:55] which is also just incident,

[37:57] which is a rich picture of the life of a community.

[38:01] And that is quality.

[38:03] So I guess that's the difference.

[38:05] What kind of movie is this?

[38:08] Was this a comedy or was it an action movie?

[38:11] I mean, I think it's categorized under adventure comedy.

[38:14] Adventure comedy.

[38:15] Which is a pretty loose 70s style.

[38:17] You're Jules of Denial and you're...

[38:18] Yeah, sure.

[38:19] People swinging by.

[38:20] You're Romancings of the Stone

[38:22] and you're Straw Dogses.

[38:25] I guess it's not really a comedy or an adventure.

[38:27] I feel like this has...

[38:29] You know, Ghostbusters is...

[38:31] This is one of those...

[38:32] I mean, this feels like a very 70s movie.

[38:34] There's a lot of scenes that are a little too long,

[38:36] like crane shots that go on just a little too long.

[38:39] Yeah.

[38:40] All shots went on too long.

[38:41] Everything in the movie is very slow-paced.

[38:43] And I'm a guy who likes...

[38:44] is fine with a slow-paced movie if it makes sense.

[38:46] This did not.

[38:47] A wacky comedy about an orangutan and a fist fighter

[38:50] should not be a slow-paced movie.

[38:52] And the orangutan is, of course, an afterthought.

[38:55] The orangutan is totally superfluous

[38:56] to almost everything in the movie

[38:58] except the kidnapping another orangutan for sex subplot.

[39:01] That was like...

[39:02] Which was the best subplot.

[39:04] The screenwriters were like,

[39:05] we gotta have a reason for Clyde to still be in the movie.

[39:09] We have to come up with a reason

[39:10] why this movie can't start with Clint Eastwood

[39:12] looking down at a tombstone that says Clyde on it.

[39:16] So let's put this subplot in.

[39:18] But otherwise, he doesn't factor into the final fight.

[39:20] He doesn't factor into any of the scenes

[39:22] where they, like, get away with stuff

[39:24] except, I guess, when that mob guy's car gets ripped off.

[39:27] Ripped up.

[39:28] Like, he's just a hindrance,

[39:29] and he never helps them in any way.

[39:31] Yeah.

[39:32] All right, we gotta tie a bow on this.

[39:33] So let's go to Final Judgments.

[39:35] Is this a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie,

[39:37] or a movie you kinda like?

[39:39] Elliot, what do you have to say about that?

[39:41] I wish I could have said it was a movie I kinda liked.

[39:44] But I'm gonna have to say a bad, bad movie.

[39:46] Yeah.

[39:47] It was almost a good...

[39:48] It had the potential to be a good, bad movie.

[39:50] I would say, for me,

[39:51] the first half of this movie was a bad, bad movie.

[39:53] The second half was a good, bad movie.

[39:55] If it was all like the second half,

[39:56] but you gotta slog through the first half

[39:58] to get the second half.

[39:59] Yeah.

[40:00] Yeah, as soon as they kidnap that poor orangutan, it becomes a good-bad movie, I think, but up until that point now.

[40:09] So if you're making a movie and the movie is slowing down, have the characters kidnap an orangutan for sex.

[40:14] Yeah. I mean, not necessarily for them to have sex with it.

[40:18] No, for them, yeah.

[40:19] Okay.

[40:20] Wait, like the filmmakers?

[40:22] No, like if you're making a biography of Charles Lindbergh and it's starting to drag, have Lindbergh kidnap an orangutan and have sex with it.

[40:29] I guarantee you it'll shoot some energy into the movie.

[40:33] Before we move on.

[40:36] Before we move on, we have a few words from sponsors.

[40:39] Stu, I believe you had a few words first.

[40:41] So, guys, listeners at home, you love your mom, right? Of course you do.

[40:48] If you didn't, you'd be a monster.

[40:50] And you're terrible.

[40:52] So in a couple of weeks we've got Mother's Day, or a week and a half, or a week from the airing of this episode.

[40:59] And thanks to The Flop House, you now can get a little deal on some flowers for that mother in your life.

[41:08] Fleur de Mer.

[41:10] Why don't you surprise her with a beautiful 100 blooms bouquet plus a free glass vase from proflowers.com for just $19.99.

[41:23] Did you hear that, Elliot?

[41:24] $19.95 for flowers and a vase.

[41:27] You probably have them in your wallet right now.

[41:29] Yeah, so I should pay cash, is what you're saying?

[41:32] Yeah, just feed into the disk drive.

[41:34] Give it to me and I'll send it to Proflowers.

[41:36] And you can upgrade to 100 blooms with a pink vase and chocolates for only $9.99 more.

[41:44] That's only roughly $29.99.

[41:47] That's a pretty good deal.

[41:49] Now what you need to do is use the code FLOPHOUSE to get this special price on your Mother's Day order while supplies last.

[41:56] So you just go over to proflowers.com.

[41:59] No, proflowers.clown.

[42:01] So go to proflowers.com.

[42:03] On the upper right-hand corner is a blue microphone, and you need to click on that thing.

[42:08] There will be a little text line, and you type in FLOPHOUSE.

[42:13] The name of your favorite podcast.

[42:14] Yep, the name of your favorite FLOPHOUSE is The FLOPHOUSE.

[42:18] It's a podcast.

[42:19] And that deal expires Friday at midnight, so don't drag your feet, guys.

[42:23] Friday before Mother's Day.

[42:25] Yes, that's the Friday before Mother's Day at midnight.

[42:29] So don't drag your feet.

[42:30] Get your mom some flowers.

[42:33] And also, we have another sponsor for this episode.

[42:38] It is Warby Parker, a new concept in eyewear.

[42:43] Look, guys, if you can't see, you can't see.

[42:47] That's a terrible thing.

[42:49] But you shouldn't have to pay out the nose for that, right?

[42:51] So this is a service for blind people?

[42:53] Well, it's for people like me who've got not 20-20 vision.

[43:00] I believe I have 22,000 vision.

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[43:32] which allows customers to order five pairs of glasses to be shipped directly to them,

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[43:43] the person who has to stare at your mug, or your husband, someone that you want to impress.

[43:47] Who also has to stare at your mug.

[43:49] Yeah.

[43:50] Or your mug collection.

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[44:11] You can have your new glasses in your hands within 10 business days or even faster than that.

[44:17] And even better, for every pair of glasses sold, Warby Parker will distribute a pair of glasses to someone in need.

[44:24] You can also get prescription polarized sunglasses or non-prescription polarized sunglasses.

[44:31] If you want to take advantage of this offer, go over to warbyparker.com and use the code FLOPHOUSE.

[44:41] Use the code FLOPHOUSE whenever you buy anything.

[44:44] Yeah.

[44:45] But especially pro flowers, Warby Parker.

[44:47] If a thing asks you for a code, try using FLOPHOUSE.

[44:49] Try using FLOPHOUSE, especially if it's pro flowers, which you should buy, and Warby Parker, which you also buy.

[44:53] I, in fact, am wearing Warby Parker glasses at this moment.

[44:57] And you look way better than you should.

[45:00] Yeah. I'm usually kind of a dopey looking fellow.

[45:03] But now, I'm like Clark Kent.

[45:05] Is this some kind of James Dean character?

[45:07] Yeah.

[45:08] With glasses?

[45:09] Yeah. He'd look good with glasses.

[45:10] He would look good with glasses.

[45:12] But now, let's move on a little bit to a little all things comedy specific plugging.

[45:22] Take a look at Eddie Pepitone's podcast, Pep Talks, a comedic look at the crumbling of our world.

[45:30] Eddie guides us into the apocalypse every Thursday with guest comedians.

[45:33] And check him out at Eddie Pepitone on Twitter.

[45:37] Iconic comedian, Eddie Pepitone.

[45:39] A cranky but hilarious fellow.

[45:42] And for our personal plug, on May the 10th in Yonkers, New York.

[45:48] Personal plug.

[45:50] We will be doing a live show at the Alamo Drafthouse at 7.30 p.m.

[45:54] That's May the 10th.

[45:55] 7.30.

[45:56] At 7.30 p.m.

[45:57] P.M.

[45:58] Please show up early as they…

[45:59] Alamo Drafthouse, Yonkers.

[46:01] Sleepwalkers.

[46:03] The Drafthouse is tough on late comers, so show up before that 7.30 p.m. time.

[46:08] No texting.

[46:09] Come by 7.15 for best results.

[46:12] No talking during the movie.

[46:14] Except from us.

[46:15] Sorry.

[46:16] We'll be screening Stephen King's Sleepwalkers.

[46:18] Stephen King.

[46:19] Mick Harris.

[46:20] And we'll have an intro by our friends at I Love Bad Movies.

[46:23] And running commentary from us.

[46:25] Us.

[46:26] Running.

[46:27] Commentary.

[46:30] Yeah.

[46:31] All laughs aside, guys.

[46:32] I'm looking forward to doing this show.

[46:34] Me too.

[46:35] It's going to be a really fun show.

[46:36] We haven't done a live show in a long time.

[46:37] And I don't know when we're doing another one anytime soon.

[46:39] So get the self to Yonkers.

[46:42] Yeah.

[46:43] With this guy.

[46:44] Just in time for Mother's Day.

[46:45] Nailed down with his beautiful little bundle of joy.

[46:47] Yep.

[46:48] I'm pretty happy with my kitten, Dan.

[46:49] That's what you were talking about.

[46:50] That's what Dan was talking about.

[46:52] Muscles is pretty adorable.

[46:54] Moving on to letters from listeners.

[46:58] Oh, our favorite part of the podcast.

[47:00] It is.

[47:01] And here's my favorite part of the favorite part of the podcast.

[47:03] What's that?

[47:04] Letters.

[47:05] Letters get out of your fetters.

[47:07] He just kind of stares at them.

[47:08] Everything's about to get better for the letters.

[47:12] As Dan frees them from the letter prison he keeps them in.

[47:16] Dan's a cruel letter warden.

[47:18] Dan keeps the letters in the prison all the time.

[47:20] That's solitary for you.

[47:22] Solitary for you too.

[47:24] Making the female letters have pillow fights all the time and take showers.

[47:28] Dan's a corrupt letter warden.

[47:30] Free them from the letter prison, Dan.

[47:32] It's always darkest before the dawn.

[47:34] Free them from the letter prison so we can read them and reply to them.

[47:38] Get out of that letter prison.

[47:42] Thanks, Elliot, for this first letter.

[47:47] It's titled Castle Freak Interrupted.

[47:50] Castle Freak Interrupted.

[47:53] I think I can handle this one.

[47:55] Stewart's word.

[47:56] Something tells me the phrase ding-dong is going to be used.

[47:59] It's from Cody, last name withheld.

[48:01] Oh, the guy from Step by Step.

[48:03] Yeah.

[48:04] Greetings, floppers.

[48:05] After multiple recommendations from Stewart, I at long last fired up the Internet

[48:09] and took in a showing of Castle Freak at my local video streaming service.

[48:14] Thinking at a justifiable precaution, I did so while my wife was still at work.

[48:18] That's the full moon streaming, I would hope.

[48:21] Cosmic vibes aligned such that she managed to return home

[48:24] just as Jeffrey Combs was nose deep in a prostitute.

[48:28] Thankfully, I still had my pants on,

[48:30] so the explanation I heard about it on the podcast

[48:34] somehow satisfied her curiosity about why I was watching this on a weekday afternoon.

[48:38] I have a great wife.

[48:40] It's part of the Disney afternoon, I swear.

[48:42] A Gummy Bears was just on, and Tailspin's about to be on.

[48:46] This is the Wuzzles.

[48:48] Saturday morning show.

[48:49] OK.

[48:50] Not too...

[48:51] Dan.

[48:52] Thanks for fact-checking me.

[48:54] Yeah, well, if it's about Wuzzles, I'm going to fact-check.

[48:57] All right.

[48:58] Not too long after this...

[48:59] There was a half lion, a half bee, and a half elephant, half, what, kangaroo?

[49:03] Yeah, so...

[49:04] Ellaroo, I think his name was.

[49:05] The last part refers to animals, but what does the Wuz part mean?

[49:09] Cos, like, where are they?

[49:10] They Wuz animals?

[49:11] Wuz?

[49:14] Yeah, it checks out.

[49:16] The Wuz part refers to how it was profitable for the toy company.

[49:22] So, Castle Freak, he's watching as his wife walks in.

[49:25] Honey, it's not what it looks like.

[49:27] This isn't a freak who lives in a castle.

[49:30] Not too long after this, the two of us decided to take in Re-Animator,

[49:34] which she had not yet seen.

[49:36] I mentioned to my wife that Stuart Gordon...

[49:38] It's date night, I guess.

[49:40] I mentioned to my wife that Stuart Gordon, the auteur behind Castle Freak,

[49:43] directed this picture as well.

[49:45] Then, as Dr. Hill's severed head zeroed in on Barbara Crampton's nethers,

[49:49] my wife exclaimed,

[49:51] What? What's the deal with this guy and muff diving?

[49:54] She did enjoy Re-Animator, but now Stuart Gordon will forever be

[49:57] the director that loves muff diving to her.

[50:00] About a week later, my wife spent the evening with a few friends of hers, one of whom had brought a new girlfriend along.

[50:06] In the course of conversation, this mysterious girlfriend revealed that she was in fact the niece of Stuart Gordon,

[50:12] and shockingly, not proud of that.

[50:14] Oh, that's too bad.

[50:15] Unfortunately, thanks to recent mental associations, she couldn't maintain eye contact long enough to ask any probing questions.

[50:22] What Gordon-related encounters will the universe direct our way in the near future?

[50:26] Clearly, we've established some sort of karmic link.

[50:29] I'll keep you posted.

[50:30] Fortunately, yours, Cody Lastname, withheld.

[50:34] Wow, we got some celeb sightings.

[50:36] Yeah, well, kind of.

[50:38] Celeb niece sightings.

[50:41] Well, I will write down all my questions in a letter and mail them off to you,

[50:46] so you can ask the niece of Stuart Gordon, like, when is the Dolls franchise going to continue?

[50:53] What's Dagon like in real life?

[50:55] Sure.

[50:56] Dagon, did he say?

[50:58] Yeah.

[50:59] Like Dagon the painter?

[51:01] What would you say?

[51:03] Dagon.

[51:04] Dagon.

[51:05] Well, he said, like, Dagon.

[51:07] Yeah, that's if he was trying to be fancy.

[51:10] I see.

[51:11] This next letter.

[51:13] He was a deep one, and he was putting on airs.

[51:15] Sure.

[51:16] I've got to impress Narlathotep.

[51:19] Make him think I'm educated.

[51:22] This next letter is from Stacy Lastname, withheld.

[51:26] Stacy Keebler.

[51:28] Hello, boys.

[51:29] I hope all is well with you at the Flophouse.

[51:31] I would like you to know that you have officially invaded my brain.

[51:36] I had a dream last night with you in it.

[51:38] Actually, Elliot was mysteriously missing for some reason.

[51:41] Couldn't handle it.

[51:43] Well, not everyone is ready for this jelly.

[51:45] But Dan and Stuart were there.

[51:47] Mostly Dan, though.

[51:49] I won't get into details,

[51:50] but it involved me being in a super pretentious hipster bar in Brooklyn.

[51:53] Sounds like a stress dream.

[51:54] That was playing videos of Stuart dancing and singing

[51:57] in a tiny Speedo on the beach.

[51:59] Okay, that's possible.

[52:00] Dan apparently moving out of his apartment,

[52:02] and at one point Dan walking into my house naked.

[52:05] Needless to say, I greeted him with,

[52:07] Looking good, Dan.

[52:09] Even though he was not looking good.

[52:11] But he seemed so depressed,

[52:12] I was worried he would kill himself if I revealed how horrible he looked.

[52:15] I will leave all the parts in between up to your imagination,

[52:18] but I will tell you that when Dan was moving out of his apartment,

[52:21] he was for some reason just carrying all of his possessions

[52:24] from one place to the next on foot,

[52:26] and dropping a lot of it in between.

[52:28] I ended up walking behind him and picking up his bowling ball

[52:31] and size 15 worn down old man slippers for him.

[52:35] So bizarre.

[52:36] Anywho, just wanted to say hi and keep on flopping.

[52:39] Were you still naked at that point?

[52:41] Yeah, that's what I want to know.

[52:42] I guess.

[52:43] All my clothes have been packed.

[52:45] You guys are awesome,

[52:46] and the only thing I enjoy about my commute to work,

[52:48] and you make me laugh out loud every day,

[52:49] keep up the good work,

[52:50] and Dan, keep up that bod.

[52:52] XOXO, Stacey.

[52:54] Thanks for writing in, Stacey,

[52:55] and not letting me into your weird moving slash sex dream.

[52:59] And thank you for imagining me so apparently,

[53:03] willing to walk downwind of you while you drop bowling balls and whatnot.

[53:07] Downwind?

[53:09] Because he's an animal, yeah.

[53:10] Yeah.

[53:14] Well, that was a very flattering letter, Dan.

[53:16] How does that make you feel?

[53:17] So do you write that?

[53:18] I do not write that, no.

[53:21] Or should I say Stacey?

[53:24] Comes in that has anything complimentary about him that you assume.

[53:27] You must be on top of the world with these new glasses,

[53:29] letters about your bod.

[53:32] Where's the letter bag going to take us next?

[53:34] That's what we call it, right?

[53:35] A letter bag?

[53:36] Letter sack.

[53:37] Yeah.

[53:38] So this last letter.

[53:39] Reach deep into the letter bag and pull out a choice gem.

[53:42] This last letter.

[53:44] Dust off that gem and read it out loud.

[53:46] Polish it nicely for the resale.

[53:50] Use a steam thing.

[53:53] Okay, now some kind of like steel wool, I guess.

[53:56] You're wearing chain mail.

[53:57] You're orcs in chain mail.

[53:58] Okay, now it's a creaky door.

[54:00] There's a witch behind it.

[54:03] And a bubbling cauldron.

[54:07] You can't hear that.

[54:08] That sounds gross.

[54:09] And that's not the right sound.

[54:11] It's like a Stewart Gordon movie.

[54:12] Here's the sound it would make.

[54:13] Bubble.

[54:14] Bubbling.

[54:15] Bubble.

[54:17] All right.

[54:18] Well, this last letter is from David, last name with hell.

[54:21] Oh, God, this better not be.

[54:23] Elliot's brother.

[54:24] Oh, why?

[54:25] It's so late.

[54:26] It's titled, Harold and Me.

[54:29] Dear Flopcasters, my heart was warm.

[54:31] Wait, so is he Maud?

[54:33] My heart was warm while listening to the Olympus's Fallen episode

[54:36] when Elliot regaled listeners with the epic tale of our first brush with fame

[54:40] at the world premiere of Multiplicity.

[54:42] I think it was the New York premiere.

[54:43] I don't know if it was the world premiere.

[54:44] However, in listening to Elliot's version.

[54:46] They probably held the world premiere in, like, Tokyo or something.

[54:48] Rome.

[54:49] In listening to Elliot's version of the events,

[54:51] I feel there were some important disparities or clarifying details left out.

[54:55] Well, thank goodness I'm here to fix that, right?

[54:57] Nope.

[54:58] So since you asked, here we go.

[55:00] First of all, the reason we had tickets to Multiplicity,

[55:03] it was not simply because our father's connection to the president of Columbia TriStar,

[55:07] and, yes, they were, in fact, college roommates,

[55:09] but because it was a consolation prize to the family

[55:12] after we'd been told we could visit the set of the Brad Pitt Harrison Ford action film,

[55:16] The Devil's Own.

[55:17] Oh, I forgot about that.

[55:18] Which was scheduled to be filming scenes at Christ Church in Short Hills, New Jersey.

[55:21] At the last minute, however, filming for The Devil's Own was moved from the church,

[55:25] and so we were given tickets to Multiplicity to make up for disappointment.

[55:29] As for my lifelong friendship with Harold Ramis,

[55:32] or as I knew him, Harry,

[55:35] that was actually started by Ramis as we walked out of the Ziegfeld Theater

[55:38] where the premiere had been held, and Ramis asked me what I thought of the movie.

[55:41] I told him it was pretty good, and he laughed and walked away.

[55:44] At which point my father said to me,

[55:46] Do you know who that was, Dave? It was Egon.

[55:48] Despite being a huge Ghostbusters fan at the time, I was also 10 years old,

[55:52] and therefore did not realize I had been speaking with the great Egon Spengler.

[55:56] He probably thought Egon was a real person who was busy Ghostbusting.

[55:58] Sure.

[55:59] Collecting molds and fungi at that point.

[56:01] Maybe he thought Egon had a blonde pompadour like in the cartoon show.

[56:05] Yeah, he might have gotten the cartoon version mixed up.

[56:07] After a bus ride to the New York Stock Exchange,

[56:09] which I mostly remember spending watching a couple in their 20s

[56:12] furiously making out in the seat in front of me,

[56:14] I remember that, too.

[56:15] while our parents laughed, I tracked down Ramis again

[56:17] and asked him what other movies he had directed.

[56:19] Predictably, this is where Elliot's story runs off the rails.

[56:22] What?

[56:23] The movie in question that Ramis told me he directed

[56:26] was not Stuart Saves His Family, which, despite being awful,

[56:29] actually got two thumbs up from Siskel and Ebert,

[56:31] but rather It's Pat, which, considering its reported domestic gross

[56:35] of $60,822, was in fact a bomb.

[56:39] Yeah, because Stuart Saves His Family was a huge hit.

[56:42] Those two thumbs up really wrote it.

[56:44] It was the number three movie that year.

[56:46] It was the Any Which Way We Can of the year of release.

[56:50] Also, my response was not, that bomb?

[56:53] But actually, oh, that was a bomb.

[56:55] I actually don't remember Ramis mocking me,

[56:57] but I believe it happened.

[56:59] Fun side note, since I haven't mentioned sports yet.

[57:01] How old was your brother at this point?

[57:03] Like ten.

[57:04] He doesn't fucking remember. He was a kid.

[57:07] Kids are stupid.

[57:09] Fun side note, since I haven't mentioned sports yet.

[57:11] Is it going to be something about a sporting event around that time,

[57:13] and that's why he remembers it so well?

[57:15] Our family visited Dad's college roommate in California in 1992.

[57:19] This is how my brother remembers every date,

[57:21] what sports thing was going on at the time.

[57:23] I remember because the Rams were in the AFC Championship.

[57:26] And while we were left at his house to play with his kids,

[57:29] he and our father went to a Los Angeles Kings game

[57:32] and sat in season tickets that belonged to none other than James Cameron.

[57:37] Lastly, Stuart, in person, I'm actually quite charming

[57:39] now that I'm not ten years old anymore.

[57:41] Thanks for putting up with me, Dan and Stuart,

[57:43] because I'm Elliot's brother. He pretty much has to.

[57:45] Love, David, Elliot's brother.

[57:48] You know, brothers kill each other all the time.

[57:50] Kane killed Abel. I don't have to put up with him.

[57:53] Thanks for writing in and regaling us with that adventure story, Dave.

[57:57] Thanks for giving me an excuse to check my phone during the podcast.

[58:01] My version, I think, was slightly less accurate, but much shorter.

[58:04] It's called storytelling.

[58:06] We've got some Hawaiian punch behind it.

[58:09] Yeah, because that's what I drink when I'm recording.

[58:12] So now that we're done digging through our sack of letters...

[58:15] Yep, the letter satchel.

[58:17] Close up those letters in the letter jail.

[58:19] Get back in your cells. I'm Dan the Warden.

[58:22] Get back in your cells, letter jail.

[58:24] Don't make me turn on the hoses.

[58:26] No, no, we're letters. We can't take water.

[58:28] We'll just get all moldy and gross,

[58:30] then it'll be easier to tear us because we're wet.

[58:32] He's really singing at this point.

[58:34] Get back in there. Get back in.

[58:36] He has a writing crop, and he starts hitting it against the bars.

[58:38] Sure. You can sympathize with those letters if you want to,

[58:40] but I know what they did.

[58:42] Those animals deserve everything they got.

[58:44] They're still human being letters, Dan.

[58:46] They have constitutional letter rights.

[58:48] All right, do you have a recommendation of a movie?

[58:51] Well, what I recommend is...

[58:53] Recommendation segment.

[58:55] This is a new segment.

[58:57] It's a new segment we've done every episode.

[59:00] We recommend that Dan...

[59:02] It's the dawn of fucking time, I guess.

[59:04] We recommend that Dan properly introduce the fucking segment

[59:07] instead of just going into it without saying what it is.

[59:10] This is the last segment...

[59:12] Have another Saratoga Lager, Dan.

[59:14] ...of the podcast

[59:16] where we recommend movies that we actually liked.

[59:19] Okay, so as opposed to the movie we just watched.

[59:22] Which we did not like.

[59:24] More like Any Which Way You Can't, am I right?

[59:27] You've been saving that up the whole podcast?

[59:29] Yeah, I was hoping it would get closer, but I couldn't hold it in.

[59:32] So I'm going to recommend a movie that is currently streaming on cable demand or whatever.

[59:38] A River Runs Through It, literally streaming.

[59:41] Or if you're living in L.A. or New York, you can see it in the theater.

[59:44] It's a movie called Blue Ruin.

[59:46] A movie directed by the director of a movie that I recommended a long time ago called Murder Party.

[59:54] Blue Ruin is a little revenge story about...

[1:00:00] homeless guy who finds out that the killer of his parents is released from

[1:00:05] prison and he decides to take revenge and it's I would say deliberately

[1:00:10] paste it's patient it's shot beautifully there's not a ton of dialogue and it's

[1:00:20] just an interesting little revenge story that really kind of sets it really takes

[1:00:25] its time and kind of makes you very aware of where all the actions taking

[1:00:30] place and yeah it's really great and it's already been loved by a lot of

[1:00:34] critics so you probably heard about it but you should check it out blue

[1:00:37] valentine blue ruin I'd like to recommend a movie called I saw the devil

[1:00:45] watched a little while back it's a Korean where do you see the revenge

[1:00:51] thriller you can see it on Netflix it's about a cop kind of a super cop type who

[1:01:00] so Jackie Chan has his wife yes he's more of a police squad more of a robo

[1:01:07] cop this cop has his wife killed by a serial killer and tracks zero killed her

[1:01:13] down and instead of immediately dragging him in to face justice he kind of

[1:01:20] engages him in a horrible cat-and-mouse game right now strap trying to make him

[1:01:26] feel that is a horrible game never works right mm-hmm but he wants him to make

[1:01:32] feel the same misery that he felt which predictably backfires on him you know it

[1:01:37] allows the serial killer to sort of turn the tables on him and of the Korean

[1:01:43] movies about revenge and there have been many it's not necessarily the deepest

[1:01:49] but it is one of the most gruesome so the deepest but perhaps the creepiest

[1:01:55] but this is the guy who directed the good the bad and the weird which I think

[1:01:59] you recommended I recommended that a while ago I think so yeah this is a much

[1:02:03] less fun movie than that but it's still pretty good movie yeah it's pretty fun

[1:02:07] yeah it's it's it's one of those slashes that guy's Achilles tendon that's

[1:02:12] hilarious yeah I don't know why that's my recommend is it my turn yeah it's

[1:02:18] your turn this is the part of the podcast where LA gets to recommend a

[1:02:21] movie it's called record kalen Dacian's Ray Kalen mendacious stop trying to

[1:02:25] brand old subsection this is the future we're all mini entrepreneurs and it's

[1:02:30] about branding I got to build my brand okay so anyway welcome to Kalen's corner

[1:02:34] well a lot of slow moving down here at Kalen's corner life goes slow those who

[1:02:38] crawl that's my horse of my Foley effect guy here down at Kalen's corner we just

[1:02:47] sit and whittle and talk about movies this time I'd like to talk about a

[1:02:51] little movie I saw recently take it away grandson Kalen thanks grandpappy

[1:03:02] okay yeah I don't know why I mean he did wink and there was a sparkle that came

[1:03:11] out of it implying that maybe he was a ghost the whole time or perhaps a mr.

[1:03:16] miracle type or mr. destiny type person gates of the heavenly house open for

[1:03:20] destiny turns on the radio type thing here and wanders in between the cornfield

[1:03:25] destiny turn off that radio this is my favorite song destiny's child but I'm

[1:03:30] I have a headache anyway the movie I saw this movie I've been wanting to see for

[1:03:35] a number of years and I just for a reason never got around to do it and I

[1:03:38] but it works it works anyway it's a it's a Samuel Fuller movie that maybe you

[1:03:53] guys seen I know called shock corridor about a reporter who is trying to solve

[1:03:58] a murder in a mental asylum and to do so he's got to convince them he's crazy so

[1:04:03] he can get put in this mental asylum so he forces his girlfriend to pretend that

[1:04:07] she is his sister and that he has sexual feelings for her so that they'll

[1:04:10] lock him up and there there are three witnesses to the murder each with a

[1:04:14] different psychosis and he's got to get through their psychosis to get to the

[1:04:19] truth before he goes insane himself and the insanities of the different inmates

[1:04:24] are used to make different you know social political points it's almost like

[1:04:28] a couple of different twilight zones were smashed together inside this mental

[1:04:31] hospital but it's a very at times weird exploitation II type movie but never

[1:04:37] goes too far in that direction it's a Samuel Fuller movie so it's high quality

[1:04:41] but it rides the edge of being like a crazy B movie and I want to highlight in

[1:04:46] particular the performance of Larry Tucker who is better known as a

[1:04:50] screenwriter and a producer but we plays the character a fat opera singing

[1:04:55] character named Pagliacci and his acting in it is so natural that it

[1:05:00] feels like we it feels like a little bit like the movies you'd see with Marlon

[1:05:05] Brando where everyone else is acting and he's just kind of being and Larry Tucker

[1:05:10] manages in a lot of the scenes to accomplish that where he just seems like

[1:05:13] this guy who lives in this mental institution and it comes off as very

[1:05:17] natural but otherwise it's a fun tight little thriller movie that's very weird

[1:05:22] at times and I recommend it shock corridor well guys thanks for sharing

[1:05:30] the weirdness of Clint Eastwood and orangutan there's no two guys I'd rather

[1:05:34] see Clint Eastwood and Sandra Locke have a threesome with an orangutan with then

[1:05:37] the you two this is the end of our pod crawl yeah if you missed the first part

[1:05:44] again check out we hate movies and they're they're exhaustive exploration

[1:05:52] of every which way but loose and why not just check out we hate movies in general

[1:05:56] yeah man why not we're not we're not jealous I mean you know of what of you

[1:06:03] know of listeners cheating on us with the bed movie no no we're open no we get

[1:06:06] kind of into it yeah yeah exactly it's like I like water yeah Stewart sits in

[1:06:11] a chair and sits on the arm of that chair listening to we hate movies

[1:06:14] clinking is the ice in his glass yeah it's one of the scenes where you're

[1:06:19] sitting in a chair watching because you want to see it but then when it gets too

[1:06:22] intimate you like like you flinch or you pull back but that's when you feel the

[1:06:26] most pleasure that's why I wear a domino so I can shift the domino mask someone

[1:06:30] ends up strangled to death with a tie it's awful it's a web of mystery and

[1:06:35] deceit yeah but until the house guards the false part it's very sexy a game of

[1:06:40] seductive cat-and-mouse in which a cat has sex with a mouse it's called not not

[1:06:52] Tom and Jerry and XXX parody all right well thanks for listening to this

[1:07:01] nonsense for the flop house I've been Dan McCoy I've been Stuart Wellington

[1:07:06] I've been ashamed but I'm also Ellie Cailin good night everyone

[1:07:21] into it you're a sexy nurse I'm a sexy nurse I'm a nurse do you need do you

[1:07:28] need some your doctor prescribed sex for you seems a little straight for

[1:07:36] doctors adventures episode of I am here for the sex doctor that's me let's do it

[1:07:44] I guess I prescribed 10 cc's of sex all right that's like a second yeah well

[1:07:55] they're getting treatment for sex addiction yeah they're trying to wean

[1:07:59] them off using sexadone yeah don't say wean around a sex addict they love that

[1:08:04] band

The Flop House: Episode #151 - Any Which Way You Can

Transcript

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