The Flop House: Episode #154 - I, Frankenstein

[0:00] No normal human could have a jawline that ridiculous.

[0:04] We discuss I, Frankenstein.

[0:31] Hey everyone, and welcome to The Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:36] Hey Dan McCoy, right over there is Elliot Kalin.

[0:40] Hey buddy, thanks for naming me. And you know who just said my name and said hi to Dan McCoy?

[0:44] It was Stuart Wellington.

[0:46] Stuart Wellington, and the three of us make The Flophouse Podcast.

[0:50] You are confusing me with nerds.

[0:52] It's like Voltron, but instead of a giant robot made out of lion parts, we just talk about bad movies.

[0:59] It's a terrible way to make a robot.

[1:01] Talk to Dr. Voltron, the inventor of Voltron.

[1:05] It's horrible.

[1:07] I'm a zoologist.

[1:08] Well, you already explained what the deal is.

[1:10] I guess we can go.

[1:13] You know what a professional host would do is just keep moving and not mention that I just did that.

[1:18] Well, you were taking a drink of water and I didn't know what to fill the extra time with.

[1:21] The next part of the podcast.

[1:24] Which is?

[1:25] Us telling the people what the movie is that we watch.

[1:27] That's right.

[1:28] So we watch a bad movie and we talk about it.

[1:30] Yes.

[1:31] The movie we watched was.

[1:32] Dan, what movie was it?

[1:33] I, Frankenstein.

[1:35] Wait, you, Frankenstein?

[1:37] Me, Jane.

[1:38] It explains so much.

[1:39] The way that your head and your body are not quite in proportion because they came from different corpses.

[1:43] Your total lack of ability to say things properly because you have a dead man's tongue in your mouth.

[1:48] These are all accurate things.

[1:49] Very insulting.

[1:50] And no creature born of God's work would have so little personality.

[1:58] Okay, well.

[1:59] That was the most.

[2:00] Goodbye, everybody.

[2:01] That was the most gobblingly laugh, Stuart.

[2:03] Anyway.

[2:04] We go off now and leave the podcast.

[2:06] Oh, no.

[2:07] Head to Antarctica to fight elder things.

[2:09] Yes, Dan's.

[2:10] No.

[2:11] Well, one Frankenstein's monster went to the Arctic.

[2:13] Not Antarctica.

[2:14] Not Antarctica.

[2:15] Not the Arctic.

[2:16] To fight giant penguins.

[2:18] Yeah, that say tickly lee or whatever it is.

[2:20] Yeah.

[2:23] So we watched I, Frankenstein.

[2:24] So we watched a movie.

[2:25] Starring Aaron Egghart.

[2:26] And now we're going to talk about it.

[2:28] Yeah.

[2:29] Elliot.

[2:30] Wait.

[2:31] So before we talk about it, I want to say.

[2:32] By all means.

[2:33] This is one of those.

[2:36] Pump the brakes, guys.

[2:37] Because this is one of those movies that when I saw the trailer.

[2:42] When it was announced, you said this would be the best movie ever.

[2:44] This is.

[2:45] Immediately, I'm like, I'm going to get to see this movie.

[2:47] I can't wait.

[2:48] And my wife's like, we're going to go see this in the movie theater.

[2:51] I'm like, no, no, no.

[2:53] I'm going to wait until I can see it with my buddies.

[2:55] We, the flop house.

[2:57] Oh, very nice.

[2:58] We, flop house.

[2:59] I like how you paused there.

[3:00] Because it could have been other buddies of yours.

[3:02] Yeah, yeah.

[3:05] Yeah, they didn't want to go see it.

[3:06] Yeah, he's not going to go see this with Justin.

[3:07] Come on.

[3:08] Right.

[3:09] Shout out to Justin.

[3:10] Or Todd.

[3:11] Or Chip.

[3:12] Or Moose.

[3:13] Or Jughead.

[3:16] Are you hanging out with the Riverdale gang?

[3:19] They'll have me.

[3:20] I wanted to go see it with Jughead.

[3:21] But he's too busy eating an enormous amount of food at Pop's Chocolate Shop.

[3:25] I had to go with Mr. Weatherby.

[3:27] And he was no fun.

[3:29] And he was just doing the popcorn trick on Miss Grundy the whole time.

[3:33] Those two were having sex, right?

[3:35] I have to assume it.

[3:36] Why does he have to use the popcorn trick then?

[3:39] I mean, I guess you need to spice things up.

[3:40] To spice it up.

[3:41] And it was spicy jalapeno popcorn.

[3:42] Wait, hold on.

[3:43] That is a terrible choice.

[3:45] Spicing things up like he's role playing a stranger who's

[3:48] tricking her into sexually molesting him.

[3:51] The stranger, he's going to be Archie.

[3:53] Okay.

[3:54] Yeah, well, that's the thing.

[3:57] Miss Grundy and Mr. Weatherby would play a role playing game where he was Archie and she was Reggie.

[4:02] Oh, weird.

[4:03] And they were experiencing forbidden love.

[4:05] It's called Slash Fiction, Dan.

[4:07] All right, thanks.

[4:08] But they also did another one where she was Jughead because they have the same face.

[4:12] And he was a hamburger.

[4:13] Exactly.

[4:15] And he would lie there on a bed in a hamburger suit going, oh, I hope Jughead doesn't eat me all up.

[4:20] Just like how hamburgers do.

[4:22] Yeah, and Miss Grundy would be wearing that crown hat that Jughead has.

[4:25] I mean, it's a crown.

[4:26] It's pretty obvious.

[4:27] And you do the math.

[4:28] You know what happens next.

[4:29] And Mr. Weatherby always was trying to get her to do one where he was Betty and she was Veronica,

[4:34] and they were forgetting about Archie, but she thought that was too weird.

[4:37] Yeah, too weird, yeah.

[4:38] But anyway, I Frankenstein.

[4:41] So let me get past our Archie porn for a second.

[4:44] I Frankenstein is the story of Frankenstein's monster, who, as you may remember from the original Mary Shelley novel,

[4:51] lives for 200 years and fights demons.

[4:55] Wait, no, I don't recall that part.

[4:57] They made it pretty clear in the movie that right after he buries his creator, Dr. Frankenstein,

[5:02] another scene that's not in the book, because I guess Mary Shelley is implied.

[5:05] Yeah, he buries him in this Antarctic chapel or some shit.

[5:09] So it picks up kind of vaguely where the novel leaves off, where Dr. Frankenstein is hunting the monster in the Arctic,

[5:18] but in this version, the doctor dies and the monster, having pity on him, I guess, buries him in this ruined cathedral in the middle of the Arctic.

[5:29] It doesn't really make sense.

[5:30] Yeah, it's got to be.

[5:31] Unless he was just carrying Dr. Frankenstein for hundreds or maybe thousands of miles.

[5:36] I mean, he's super strong.

[5:38] He uses that super strong power later on to fight demons.

[5:41] I'm sure he can carry one human doctor.

[5:43] Yeah, he's like a sack of potatoes.

[5:45] Imagine a day into that, he'd be like, you know what, why don't I just leave this here and I'll go about my business.

[5:49] Burial at sea now.

[5:50] Yeah, burial at ice.

[5:53] Have fun being eaten by lobsters, Dad.

[5:57] That's what he would say as he throws Dr. Frankenstein in the ocean.

[6:00] And Dr. Frankenstein, even though dead, is like, well, the lobster is Miss Grundy in a costume, right?

[6:07] And Frankenstein's monster is like, what?

[6:10] What are you talking about?

[6:12] Now, just for the sake of convenience, because we're going to be saying the name a lot, I'm going to set aside the role.

[6:19] I'm going to break your longstanding.

[6:20] And I'm going to say Frankenstein to mean the monster and not just the doctor, because it's going to get irritating if I keep saying Frankenstein.

[6:28] Because we haven't gotten to that part yet.

[6:31] So Frankenstein the monster buries his creator.

[6:34] And that attracts the attention of a bunch of gargoyles who are –

[6:38] A bunch of demons.

[6:39] A bunch of demons, I'm sorry.

[6:40] A bunch of man demons.

[6:41] And the way demons are presented in this movie, they are –

[6:44] It's literally like the very end of Mary Shelley's Frankenstein.

[6:48] You close the book, you're like, oh, man, that was a great story.

[6:50] Where could that go?

[6:51] Immediately goes to a demon.

[6:53] You may remember that Mary Shelley's Frankenstein was designed to be like an episode of True Blood.

[6:57] So the next episode picks up literally as the last one ends.

[7:01] Yes, two people are having sex and then one person explodes in blood.

[7:04] And you may remember also that the end of the book, and this was very controversial at the time, ends with the end, dot, dot, dot, or was it question mark?

[7:12] And then a page that says Frankenstein's monster will return and you only live twice.

[7:18] Monsters are forever.

[7:21] You know what? That's beautiful.

[7:23] If there's not a children's book called Monsters are Forever, I'd like there to be.

[7:26] You're going to get a tattoo that says Monsters are Forever on it.

[7:28] Yeah, yeah.

[7:29] And it's going to be like one of those super deformed cute caricatures of Frankenstein's monster giving two thumbs up.

[7:36] Anyway, so these demons appear.

[7:38] The demons are basically people with monster heads.

[7:41] And when you kill them, they –

[7:43] Or monster masks that they put on over their faces.

[7:47] Or like normal faces and one monster hand.

[7:50] Yeah, now I mentioned when we were watching this that the monsters look less like movie characters or scary monsters and more like the villains from like Are You Afraid of the Dark episode.

[8:00] It's like a kid's show version of a demon.

[8:02] Or like a monster bobble head.

[8:04] That's how disproportionate their heads are.

[8:06] Yeah, because their heads are just a little too big.

[8:07] They all look like they're wearing kind of like Mardi Gras costume heads of monsters.

[8:10] Or maybe like demons in like Buffy or one of those shows.

[8:13] Hey, hey.

[8:15] Okay, sorry.

[8:16] I didn't watch that much Buffy, but that's what I would imagine they'd look like.

[8:20] Yeah, exactly.

[8:21] Thank you.

[8:22] I'm so sensitive.

[8:24] Basically, as Elliot put it, if we switched over to the sci-fi channel and we saw these demons, we'd be like, oh, okay, those look right.

[8:30] This is a sci-fi channel, original movie level of production design.

[8:34] Yeah.

[8:35] Effects for the most part.

[8:36] There's just more of them.

[8:38] But anyway, so these demons approach the monster, and they start fighting him for whatever reason.

[8:43] And a bunch of angel people who call themselves—

[8:45] By the way, immediately stop calling it Frankenstein and start calling it the monster.

[8:49] I can use synonyms.

[8:51] The same way that sometimes I'll say Stewart and sometimes I'll say Mr. Wellington.

[8:55] Or the monster called Monster.

[8:57] And sometimes I'll say the monster.

[8:59] Or Boy Phantasm.

[9:02] Boy Phantasm?

[9:04] Boy Phantasm, the pool hustler who loves Don Coscarelli.

[9:08] You'll love his balls.

[9:11] He only plays with his own pool billiard balls that are silver and occasionally drill in people's heads and shoot their blood out.

[9:18] So now—

[9:19] I've got to warn you, I play a good game.

[9:22] Boy.

[9:27] So the demons show up, then the gargoyles, which are basically angels that turn into gargoyles that fly around, they say—

[9:34] They're 100% angels that turn into gargoyles.

[9:38] The only reason they are not just angels is the guy, someone in production was like,

[9:43] it'd be cooler if they looked like gargoyles.

[9:45] I guess so.

[9:46] Okay, let's just make them angel gargoyles.

[9:48] Because those are basically the same thing.

[9:49] And the characters who are demons, the characters who are gargoyle angels, change back and forth—

[9:53] Garg-angels.

[9:54] Garg-angels.

[9:55] Change back and forth between their human and mystic forms at random.

[9:59] Yeah.

[10:00] In the middle of a fight, they'll go from gargoyle to human and back,

[10:02] and the only reason I could come up with was that

[10:05] the characters understand the limits of the movie's budget

[10:07] and how many effects shots have been used for it.

[10:10] Because otherwise, just stay in one form, dude.

[10:12] Because you would say that, like, maybe they change so they can emote more,

[10:16] but there's a lot of times where they just cut to, like, a gargoyle's rocky visage,

[10:20] like, nodding sagely at Frankenstein, chopping the shit out of some demons.

[10:25] Or they cut to a human face showing no visible emotion whatsoever

[10:28] because the actors aren't very good.

[10:30] But so the angels, the gargoyles,

[10:33] because they only refer to themselves as gargoyles,

[10:34] they save the monster and kidnap him, basically, right?

[10:38] And they belong to what's called the Order of the Gargoyles,

[10:40] which is just angels.

[10:42] And they're fighting a secret war against demons, and...

[10:45] They have a special symbol that's, what, a cross with three slashes on it?

[10:48] With three slashes, because their Jesus, I guess, had six arms.

[10:51] He's Dr. Octo-Jesus.

[10:53] Yeah, some Martian Jesus.

[10:55] Yeah, Dr. Octo-Christ, who has six arms and two legs.

[10:58] Or Martian Jesus, yeah, which is a good name for a band.

[11:03] But anyway, they explain that there's this long-running war

[11:06] between devils and angels, gargoyles,

[11:09] and the big evil demon whose name was, what, Nibirius?

[11:13] Nibirius.

[11:14] Nibirius wants Frankenstein to...

[11:15] Yeah, it's taken straight out of the Bible, dude.

[11:17] Yeah, is it?

[11:18] I don't know.

[11:21] Nibirius wants the monster.

[11:23] For some reason, they don't understand.

[11:25] Yeah.

[11:26] It's because he's a magic monster, dude.

[11:28] Well, we find out why later, but it's pretty obvious

[11:30] it's because he's a magic monster, dude, of some kind.

[11:33] They sell the monster to join them.

[11:35] The monster instead takes two magic weapons

[11:37] that are basically just clubs with silver,

[11:40] just big sticks, and goes off to wander the wilderness

[11:43] for 200 years doing nothing but practicing his stick play

[11:47] on cliff tops.

[11:49] And in a movie with a bunch of stupid-looking, fancy weapons,

[11:53] I think it's particularly funny that they thought, like...

[11:55] That he picks the dumbest?

[11:56] Yeah.

[11:57] I'll just have, like, these things that are basically

[11:59] just two pipes, like, pipes you'd pick out of a junkyard

[12:03] that you can beat people with.

[12:07] Yeah, when he took them, the gargoyles were like,

[12:09] really?

[12:11] He is one step away from just beating people to death

[12:13] with a tire iron.

[12:14] And I love that, I mean, an actor who looks so much

[12:17] like Christopher Lambert has to have a couple shots

[12:20] of him, like, practicing his kata on the top of a mountain.

[12:23] With long hair and, like, a hooded robe on.

[12:26] Like, as I said, like, his outfit in this movie

[12:29] is him wearing an overcoat over a hoodie

[12:33] with little hobo gloves on.

[12:36] So I guess having two pipes as his weapon

[12:39] just really completes the idea of, like,

[12:41] this is, like, a homeless vigilante.

[12:43] He's basically hobo with a shotgun,

[12:46] if that was Frankenstein.

[12:47] But also, this movie was probably originally iHobo.

[12:51] Like, they couldn't get the rights to hobos.

[12:53] So what's in the public domain?

[12:55] Frankenstein.

[12:56] Oh, we are not gonna do an I, Huck Finn?

[12:58] No, no, we'll make it Frankenstein.

[13:00] And they couldn't do a Gargoyles the animated series.

[13:04] No, I guess Disney wouldn't let the license go

[13:06] because they want to do that Avengers, Gargoyles crossover.

[13:10] And they're like, well, you can't copyright

[13:11] the idea of a gargoyle.

[13:14] Take that lawsuit to 17th century France, my good man.

[13:20] So the monster has refused to join the gargoyles.

[13:23] But then one day in the woods, a bunch of demons attack him.

[13:26] And he decides it's now his mission to hunt down

[13:29] and kill all the demons before they can hunt him.

[13:31] He walks to civilization.

[13:32] Yeah, he won't do it for good reasons.

[13:34] He'll do it for revenge, though.

[13:35] Yeah, he walks to civilization,

[13:37] which is represented by a kind of England-y,

[13:41] Canadian-y, French, German town.

[13:43] Eastern European.

[13:44] And all we know is this town has one nightclub,

[13:49] a public transit train system,

[13:52] a kind of university-type building with a lab in it,

[13:54] an old cathedral, and a shitload of abandoned buildings.

[13:58] Like, for all we know, this is Detroit

[14:00] because no one seems to live there.

[14:01] Yeah.

[14:02] And half the buildings are just rotting.

[14:03] And there's gargoyles all over the place.

[14:04] And there's gargoyles like crazy.

[14:05] Just like Detroit, yeah.

[14:06] As you pointed out, and it took me a while to realize this,

[14:09] but it's totally true.

[14:10] Jared Leto's character would totally blend into Detroit.

[14:12] Other...

[14:13] Yeah, because he's a screwed-up-looking guy

[14:15] dressed like a hobo.

[14:16] Other than the scene where we go to the club,

[14:19] Dr. Frankenstein at the beginning,

[14:21] and then the love interest lady...

[14:23] And her co-worker.

[14:24] And her co-worker.

[14:25] There are no non-supernatural characters in this movie.

[14:28] Like, none.

[14:28] The streets are empty.

[14:30] Anytime...

[14:31] There are almost no extras in the entire movie.

[14:33] And anytime there's a street scene,

[14:34] the streets are just empty and full of smoke.

[14:37] Yeah.

[14:38] And it's kind of like this is taking place

[14:40] in a corner of Dark City, you know?

[14:42] If you ever see extras,

[14:43] those extras are either gargoyles or demons.

[14:45] Yeah.

[14:46] And anytime the stakes are described,

[14:48] it's always, well, we can't let the demons

[14:51] wipe out all the gargoyles and humanity.

[14:54] Yeah.

[14:55] Because there's a moment where you're like,

[14:57] well, they're just gargoyle monsters.

[14:59] Oh, I guess the three people that live there, I don't know.

[15:02] Yeah, they're not worried about humanity.

[15:05] It's like, it's an I Am Legend situation.

[15:07] Like, there's that one guy.

[15:08] We also find out later that the hero's lair

[15:10] and the villain's lair are down the street

[15:12] from each other.

[15:12] And you find out that one guy you thought was a human

[15:15] was just like a mummy or some shit.

[15:17] Like, or a creature from the Black Lagoon.

[15:21] What are you talking about?

[15:23] You're saying the three humans that live in town,

[15:25] you're like, oh, they're all.

[15:26] Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if one turned out

[15:27] to be an alien and one was a robot.

[15:29] And the other was like a mouse that had a spell cast on him.

[15:35] But this movie, so it's conceivable that this epic battle

[15:38] between good and evil is happening in like

[15:40] an abandoned, run-down neighborhood in Montreal somewhere.

[15:43] But the point is, his going after the demons

[15:47] is getting the gargoyles mad.

[15:49] Because as the queen of the gargoyles tells him,

[15:51] this war must be fought in the shadows.

[15:54] Now, why?

[15:55] There's no people to see it anyway.

[15:57] The CGI looks less crappy.

[15:59] In the light, the CGI doesn't look as good.

[16:02] Now, here's something I never understood

[16:04] about these movies.

[16:05] Okay.

[16:06] What are these movies, by the way?

[16:07] Epic battles between good and evil

[16:09] that happen in the shadows of our world.

[16:09] Your Underworlds, your Legions.

[16:12] Your Undersworld, your Legions, your Night's Watch,

[16:14] that kind of stuff.

[16:15] Sure.

[16:16] How come the battle has to be fought in the shadows?

[16:19] You'd think, so if these angels and demons

[16:22] are fighting each other, this means

[16:24] this is the organizing metaphysical principle

[16:26] of the universe, that there is a god, there is a devil,

[16:29] there is pure good and pure evil,

[16:30] and they are fighting for the fate of mankind.

[16:32] So why does it have to be a secret?

[16:35] The same way in RIPD, it's like ghosts are always

[16:38] trying to catch ghosts that are escaping hell,

[16:40] but we can't let mortals know about it.

[16:42] Well, why not?

[16:42] I don't understand.

[16:43] What's gonna happen that's so bad?

[16:45] Why can't they know?

[16:46] Maybe they could help you.

[16:48] What would be better in your fight against demons

[16:50] than if you had an army of marines

[16:52] armed with your magic weapons

[16:53] that could just fight a bunch of demons,

[16:55] since the demons seem to have no powers

[16:57] other than having goofy monster faces?

[16:59] And I'll trump your metaphysical problem,

[17:02] which is with something that I also mentioned

[17:04] during the movie, which is in these movies

[17:08] about a grand fight between good and evil,

[17:11] there's always the implication that there is

[17:13] some sort of God figure here, some organizing principle.

[17:18] And if that's true, why does this all-powerful God,

[17:21] and maybe this is just a problem with religion in general,

[17:23] why does this all-powerful God need a bunch of foot soldiers

[17:26] to fist fight against bad guys?

[17:29] You might as well ask Dan, why is there evil then at all

[17:33] if there's an all-powerful God?

[17:34] And I would point you to Time Bandits,

[17:36] and Ralph Richardson says something about good and evil,

[17:40] or something about free will, I suppose.

[17:42] That's as good an answer as anyone's ever gonna come up with,

[17:44] so thank you, Terry Gilliam, for doing that.

[17:46] No thank you for Brothers Grimm.

[17:49] At least that movie treats that as a joke, though.

[17:52] Yeah, but it's a joke that has a meaning to it.

[17:55] Yeah, it has meaning.

[17:56] Something about free will.

[17:57] I mean, I think there's two possible answers

[18:00] to your question there.

[18:01] But that applies to humans.

[18:02] The evil that humans do has to do with free will.

[18:05] I believe what you're trying to say

[18:06] is the evil that men do lives on and on.

[18:09] The evil that men do lives on and on.

[18:13] Oh, wow.

[18:14] The evil, the evil.

[18:15] I cannot hit the high notes.

[18:17] I'm just saying that, yeah, there's a reason

[18:20] that my Iron Maiden cover band, Fear of the Dark,

[18:23] did not get off the ground.

[18:24] Exactly.

[18:25] It's all bass?

[18:28] Do you have baritone?

[18:30] Free will creates evil in humanity,

[18:32] but if you're talking about creatures

[18:34] of pure good and pure evil,

[18:36] as I believe that this movie posits,

[18:39] then there's nothing more good

[18:40] than a flying gargoyle with a magic axe thing.

[18:44] Maybe, then here's this.

[18:45] Then I would say this is a world

[18:47] where God has created and then left.

[18:49] A deist universe.

[18:52] A D-list universe, yeah,

[18:53] where there's a Kathy Griffin running it.

[18:58] That explains it.

[18:59] Yeah, the creation of life on the D-list.

[19:01] So, anyway, moving on with the movie,

[19:03] because the reason this movie exists-

[19:05] No, no, let's talk about questions of philosophy.

[19:08] I would love to.

[19:10] We've got to talk about fucking Eifrein's son,

[19:12] because that's the modus operandi of this podcast.

[19:15] Or else we're going to get people up in arms,

[19:18] burning us an effigy that we don't talk about the movie.

[19:22] It happens.

[19:23] People complain about it.

[19:24] I would love if this podcast created so much fashion

[19:27] that someone burned us an effigy.

[19:29] I think that's kind of a monkey's paw wish,

[19:31] and I don't want you to make it.

[19:33] I think that sounds better in your head

[19:35] than it does in real life.

[19:37] Fair enough.

[19:38] Actually, you know what?

[19:39] Just give me that monkey's paw.

[19:40] I don't trust you with it.

[19:41] No, I was going to wish for Unlimited Wishes.

[19:42] No, but they all turned bad.

[19:44] Oh, I was going to wish that the fingers curl up

[19:49] in a special way so it leaves with one middle finger up

[19:52] so I could sass people with my monkey's paw.

[19:55] You're like, sure, all the wishes blew back on me

[19:58] in an ironic way, but take a look at this.

[20:00] You just drive down the street holding a monkey's paw.

[20:02] That guy's flipping me off with his one weird monkey hand.

[20:05] Wait a minute, he's just holding that.

[20:07] He's pulling it into his shirt sleeve.

[20:08] Stewart, that monkey's flipping me off.

[20:09] Stewart, don't you want to use that last wish?

[20:11] No, that's the middle finger wish.

[20:14] You've got to keep that one.

[20:15] So anyway, gargoyles are fighting demons.

[20:19] The demons are led by Bill Nighy.

[20:21] The science guy.

[20:22] The science guy.

[20:24] Yep.

[20:25] So let's just say one thing about this movie.

[20:27] Aside from Aaron Eckhart, everybody is like a British or English Commonwealth actor, it seems.

[20:33] And this movie seems like less of a movie,

[20:36] and more of like some kind of UK government welfare program

[20:40] to distribute subsidies to English actors

[20:42] in exchange for spouting shitty exposition dialogue in movies.

[20:46] It's called elevating the material.

[20:49] It's exhibit A of we're going to hire British actors

[20:52] so that when they're talking about the...

[20:55] So when they talk about I've collected thousands of corpses

[20:58] so that we can bring them back with electricity

[21:00] and then put demon souls in them.

[21:02] You're like, that sounds reasonable.

[21:03] You know what, this doesn't sound goofy as I'll get out

[21:05] because an English guy is saying it.

[21:07] I will say elevating material,

[21:08] and this is the one moment that justifies the movie's existence,

[21:12] is there's a moment where Bill Nighy responds skeptically to somebody

[21:15] by raising a single eyebrow,

[21:17] and it is beautiful the way he does it.

[21:19] It is just the right blend of acting talent

[21:24] and camp inherent comedy.

[21:27] I love that guy.

[21:28] I'm sad that he's spent so much time in these sorts of movies.

[21:32] I'd love to see an aging Bill Nighy play...

[21:36] You mean Bill Nighy. He's aging already.

[21:38] Yeah.

[21:39] Well, him playing Dr. Frankenfurter in the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

[21:43] Oh, that'd be great.

[21:44] What if he did like the Rocky Horror Picture Show 20 years later reunion,

[21:47] and it's those characters later.

[21:48] I mean, I know they all die at the end.

[21:50] I mean, that sounds like a goofy sequel.

[21:52] I don't want to see that.

[21:53] Hey, let's all meet up here in 30 years.

[21:55] Let's meet up at the place where the house was.

[21:57] Let's meet up at the place where our lives were destroyed.

[22:00] Riffraff and Magenta took the house up into space.

[22:05] Riffraff and Magenta are on the planet Transylvania,

[22:08] and they're like, hey, whatever happened to Brad and Janet?

[22:11] And they just decided to go back and find out.

[22:14] Just hang out.

[22:15] It's like the...

[22:16] Just chill.

[22:17] It's the Rocky Horror Big Chill Show.

[22:19] Yeah.

[22:20] Oh, man.

[22:21] And they dance to Motown classics.

[22:23] This is a million dollar idea.

[22:24] Richard or Brian, wherever you are, get in touch with us.

[22:26] This is not a million dollar idea.

[22:28] What was the name of the... Shock Treatment?

[22:30] Shock Treatment, yeah, was the sequel.

[22:32] Which is... it's an interesting movie.

[22:35] I've never seen it. It's one of those movies like Listomania

[22:37] where I want to see it, but it's not going to live up to what I want it to be.

[22:40] I mean, it doesn't...

[22:41] It does not even live up to Rocky Horror, but it's an interesting movie.

[22:45] In its own right.

[22:46] In its own way.

[22:47] It's too much singing for your taste.

[22:49] Well, yeah, because I hate singing.

[22:51] If I watched Rocky Horror now, I'd probably enjoy it more.

[22:54] I saw it a lot when I was in high school.

[22:56] I had friends who loved it.

[22:58] And I think it was... I just got tired of it.

[23:00] I think it actually suffers from its cult.

[23:02] I think it works better divorced from its cult, in my mind.

[23:05] But what about the children?

[23:06] What?

[23:07] If they get divorced?

[23:08] Yeah.

[23:09] All right, well, let's keep going with this movie.

[23:11] So, I, Frankenstein...

[23:12] So...

[23:14] They're all fighting.

[23:15] So they want to learn Dr. Frankenstein's secret of bringing people back to life

[23:18] so that they can bring back these bodies and put demon souls in them

[23:21] and have an army of demons that takes over the world or shit.

[23:24] And so they want either the monster or they want Dr. Frankenstein's journal.

[23:28] And the rest of the movie is just these characters

[23:30] running around looking for this journal and fighting each other.

[23:33] And there's a little bit of tension

[23:35] because the gargoyles want to...

[23:38] Their designs are at odds with Frankenstein.

[23:41] They don't trust Frankenstein.

[23:42] Yeah.

[23:43] Frankenstein has his...

[23:44] It won't go with the gargoyles.

[23:45] There's one cocky gargoyle.

[23:46] Well, Frankenstein doesn't have a soul.

[23:48] They think Frankenstein doesn't have a soul

[23:50] and so he is the wild card in this.

[23:53] But, in the end, it turns out he does.

[23:55] Spoiler alert.

[23:56] Spoiler.

[23:57] I'm going to skip to the very end of the movie.

[23:58] There's also a pretty scientist who, I guess, is set up as a love interest for Frankenstein.

[24:03] She's played by Yvonne Stravinsky.

[24:07] Perfect pronunciation.

[24:08] Stravinsky.

[24:09] Stravinsky.

[24:11] She was in Chuck and she's currently in the 24 miniseries.

[24:16] And she was in the Mass Effect series.

[24:18] She was in that one episode of Louis.

[24:20] She played the model he sleeps with.

[24:22] The Hamptons.

[24:23] Oh, that he punches by accident.

[24:25] Yeah.

[24:26] So, you know, she's a pretty lady.

[24:28] I'll say that.

[24:29] So that was the evidence you were presenting

[24:31] for the actress in this movie being pretty.

[24:33] Yeah, I don't know.

[24:34] I was just trying to relate to the audience.

[24:37] I'm trying to...

[24:38] By listing the credits of an actress?

[24:40] Yeah, yeah.

[24:41] Anyway, the point is...

[24:42] Yeah, I'm trying to wrap up.

[24:43] You're Mr. Scintillating.

[24:44] The only person he can trust is this scientist.

[24:47] She fixes his wounds by sewing him up

[24:49] as if he didn't have enough red in his body already.

[24:51] In this weird apartment, I guess?

[24:53] In his squatter apartment that Stewart aptly described as looking like

[24:56] a level in a Batman video game.

[24:58] It's just like the most falling apart, rotting apartment.

[25:01] You always see these.

[25:02] And Frankenstein sleeps off his wounds from a demon fight

[25:04] while she reads the entirety of the doctor's journal.

[25:07] Cover to cover.

[25:10] There are many cliches that are seen in this movie.

[25:12] One of them is this apartment where you see

[25:14] in these movies where it's crumbling plaster

[25:18] and you see the skeleton of the wooden slats through the walls.

[25:22] And that's always the case.

[25:24] And I'm always like...

[25:25] Who's the landlord?

[25:27] How are all these supernatural creatures

[25:29] finding these places to squat in?

[25:33] In another movie, that'd be weird.

[25:35] But as we see in this movie, every building is abandoned.

[25:37] There's no people there.

[25:39] But also, early on, there was that scene where they go to the club

[25:41] and it's just like...

[25:42] This is all that supernatural characters do in movies.

[25:44] They go to clubs where house music plays.

[25:46] Yeah, that's all they want to do.

[25:48] A club that is not even that full.

[25:50] Not that full. Very well lit.

[25:52] Strangely enough, for an electronica house music dance club...

[25:55] It's better lit than the rest of the movie.

[25:57] Better lit than the gargoyle fights.

[25:59] It's lit like a doctor's waiting room.

[26:01] You could easily read a magazine.

[26:03] People are reading highlights for kids.

[26:05] Highlights for gargoyles.

[26:07] A lot of people are having fun with the purpose in that club.

[26:10] I can't remember what stupid bullshit...

[26:12] Oh, this Ranger Rick is all about gargoyles, huh?

[26:15] Highlights for gargoyles.

[26:16] Oh, look at this issue for Goofus and Gargoyle.

[26:19] Goofus doesn't help his mother clean the table.

[26:22] Gargoyle fights the forces of evil.

[26:27] And let me mention this.

[26:29] There are somehow fewer gargoyles than demons.

[26:33] But the power ratio is so stacked for the gargoyles...

[26:36] Who can fly, have super strength, are made of stone...

[26:39] Have magic weapons...

[26:41] While the demons just kind of run around getting killed.

[26:44] Basically look like stuntmen.

[26:46] These demons...

[26:48] Their only proper matchup would be between them and the angels from Legion.

[26:51] Who were so incredibly killable.

[26:53] These are the same way where it's like...

[26:55] I just imagine these demons running into things and exploding.

[26:58] If you put a thumbtack in these demons, they burst into flame.

[27:01] Yeah, you kind of wish that they could meet with the vampires from the Blade movies.

[27:05] And have a long talk.

[27:07] Like, maybe we should come up with some strategy.

[27:10] Maybe we should get stuff.

[27:12] Maybe we'll trade. Let's trade.

[27:14] We should just work out for a while, man.

[27:17] Hit the gym before we do this.

[27:19] Or maybe we should bring weapons to the fights too.

[27:21] So it's not just us running into axes.

[27:24] I kind of feel like the gargoyles fill the role of the werewolves.

[27:28] Werewolves are usually the big tough guy that fights off a legion of stuntmen monsters.

[27:32] I guess so.

[27:34] I mean in this type of movie.

[27:36] I feel like the gargoyles fill the role of...

[27:41] Magic angel heroes?

[27:43] Yeah, who are not totally good guys.

[27:45] Because the main character doesn't see eye to eye with them.

[27:47] But anyway...

[27:49] The gargoyles keep losing even though they're super powerful.

[27:53] And the demons are super weak.

[27:56] The bad guys get Dr. Frankenstein's journal.

[27:59] They force the scientists to figure out how to revive people.

[28:03] They start sending electricity to these thousands of bodies they have suspended underground.

[28:08] In a matrix.

[28:10] In this kind of like steampunk matrix set up.

[28:12] But what's great is that each one of them has a screen on their chest that says reviving.

[28:17] And then the percentage...

[28:19] Reanimating.

[28:21] Reanimating and then the percentage they're reanimated.

[28:23] That's an important piece of information we need to have.

[28:25] As if every person has a computer like startup bar.

[28:29] A digital clock has been hooked up to them.

[28:32] A countdown clock.

[28:34] And I think Dan you made the point that for people who didn't know how to revive dead bodies.

[28:38] They seem to have the perfect apparatus already set up for reviving dead bodies.

[28:42] To show how reanimated they are.

[28:44] And what is the idea of someone who is 50% reanimated?

[28:48] Well I think I'm looking at them right now Dan.

[28:53] Yeah their legs are...

[28:55] From the waist down they're moving around.

[28:57] Yeah it was like when I was...

[28:59] They've all got nappy feet.

[29:01] Yeah I like that they've already developed the technology to determine how reanimated a dead body is.

[29:05] Was it like when I was recovering from knee surgery.

[29:09] And I felt like I was in the Kill Bill movie.

[29:11] And I was looking down at my toes and I'm like alright move.

[29:13] Move.

[29:15] That's 25% reanimated.

[29:17] When you're 25% reanimated you're kind of listless.

[29:21] When you're 25% reanimated you're like I guess I could do something.

[29:23] And 100% you're like yeah let's go out.

[29:25] This will be fun.

[29:27] Let's get dinner.

[29:29] 75% is like you want to get brunch?

[29:33] How long are we going to have to wait?

[29:35] What's the weather like?

[29:37] Let me check.

[29:39] Skipping all the way to the end.

[29:41] Bill Nighy reveals his demon form.

[29:43] Which I've got to admit.

[29:45] He's the boss demon.

[29:47] He is boss.

[29:50] Frankenstein's monster shows himself to the gargoyles.

[29:54] Who hate him and want to kill him.

[29:56] Because he killed one of the gargoyles.

[30:00] He was attacked.

[30:00] He shows up, then walks down the street like a block.

[30:04] The bad guys hide out.

[30:06] The bad guys come out and fight, and the gargoyles are like,

[30:09] he led us right to them, of course.

[30:12] Which means the gargoyles are hella dumb.

[30:14] They didn't notice this was going on.

[30:16] They can fly.

[30:17] They can fly, and they didn't notice that.

[30:18] They didn't ever say, hey, these gargoyles run away

[30:21] from us all the time.

[30:22] These demons run away from us.

[30:23] Let's fly above them and follow them and see what builds up.

[30:26] It's a simple mistake, because they look very similar,

[30:28] except one has wings and the other has, I guess, a mask on.

[30:32] Except the demons all wear suits,

[30:34] and the gargoyles all wear, like,

[30:36] Immortals-style leather, you know, outfits.

[30:40] Like, skirts and loincloths.

[30:41] Yeah, leather all dressed like it's 300.

[30:43] Breach clouts.

[30:44] Yeah.

[30:46] So they're fighting, and Bill Nighy

[30:48] reveals himself to Frankenstein.

[30:49] I thought he was going to be, like, a real cool-looking demon

[30:52] with, like, wings or something, or he'd

[30:54] look like Tim Curry in Legend, or the bad guy

[30:56] at the end of Fantasia.

[30:58] But no, he's just got a monster head on.

[31:00] He's kind of tall.

[31:01] He's just taller than the other guy.

[31:02] He's like a bigger version of the other guy.

[31:03] He's just slightly taller than the other monsters.

[31:05] He has more horns on his head.

[31:07] And he is going to put a demon soul into Frankenstein.

[31:10] And at that point, you're like, I just kind of

[31:12] wanted to see more of Bill Nighy.

[31:14] Yeah, because I'd rather see the special feature where

[31:18] Bill Nighy explains how his agent negotiated

[31:21] his contract for the movie.

[31:22] Explains how much money he got for the movie

[31:24] and what he did with it.

[31:25] Yeah.

[31:26] You know what?

[31:27] Don't make the movie.

[31:28] Just give Bill Nighy the money and hire a crew, three guys.

[31:31] Follow him around all day and let

[31:32] him spend millions of dollars and see what he buys.

[31:34] It would be kind of like The Trip.

[31:36] Yeah, but just with Bill Nighy.

[31:38] Yeah.

[31:39] And you know what?

[31:40] Bring Steve Coogan in.

[31:41] Why not?

[31:41] Yeah, why not?

[31:42] Two of them.

[31:42] It can't be that expensive.

[31:44] No, it can't be as expensive as making

[31:46] I, Frankenstein for half the price.

[31:48] You get twice the movie.

[31:49] Anyway, so the demon tries to put a bad soul in Frankenstein.

[31:56] You mean a demon.

[31:57] Yeah.

[31:58] Frankenstein tries.

[31:59] Not just like some asshole kid or anything.

[32:01] He puts a demon soul.

[32:02] Yeah, the kid from Problem Child.

[32:04] He's not trying to put the soul.

[32:07] Thanks for reminding me that's a movie.

[32:09] That's a movie too.

[32:10] He's not trying to put the soul of Eleanor Roosevelt in there

[32:13] because her time was cut short and there's

[32:15] more good for her to do on the Earth.

[32:19] And Frankenstein has a lot of hellfire flying out of his eyes.

[32:22] But then it turns out he has a soul already.

[32:24] The bad soul is rejected and he kills the head demon.

[32:27] And the head demon's death is so explosive

[32:29] that I guess it destroys all the bad stuff.

[32:31] Everything.

[32:32] And the gargoyles, meanwhile, are as slowly

[32:34] as possible destroying these reanimated bodies,

[32:37] just kind of like hitting them one at a time

[32:39] or just like knocking down a rack of them.

[32:41] Like pinatas.

[32:42] Yeah.

[32:43] But they all blow up anyway, so it doesn't matter.

[32:45] The gargoyles didn't even need to be there the whole time.

[32:47] And Frankenstein decides.

[32:51] Frankenstein.

[32:51] It's like Raiders of the Lost Ark.

[32:53] This movie is just like Raiders of the Lost Ark in that one thing

[32:56] and in no other quality whatsoever.

[32:58] If the gargoyles did nothing, if the bad guys got Frankenstein

[33:01] and tried to do that thing.

[33:03] They still would have lost.

[33:04] Yeah.

[33:05] The gargoyles could have taken the day off.

[33:07] You know what, gargoyles?

[33:08] Frankenstein should have been like, I got this one.

[33:10] And at the end of the movie.

[33:11] He kind of did, but the gargoyles didn't listen.

[33:14] At the end of the movie, he accepts his new role

[33:16] as protector of humanity and fighter of demons.

[33:19] And he takes his two sticks and he goes out into the night.

[33:22] And he takes on the name Frankenstein.

[33:24] And declares himself, I Frankenstein.

[33:28] Which I just realized is what a pirate would

[33:30] say if he was agreeing to what Frankenstein just said.

[33:32] I Frankenstein.

[33:34] But I do think it's weird because I

[33:36] guess that means that the character arc in this movie

[33:38] is that Frankenstein accepts that the guy that he

[33:42] killed the guy's wife of and left to freeze in the Arctic

[33:47] is his true father.

[33:48] Yeah, I guess he had issues with the guy.

[33:50] And at the end, he accepts him.

[33:52] It means he brings closure to him.

[33:53] I don't think that's as crazy as you think.

[33:55] And he came to that by beating the shit out

[33:57] of a bunch of demons with sticks.

[33:58] That's why it seems weird to me.

[34:01] I'm not sure why that provided closure for his daddy issues.

[34:04] Yeah.

[34:06] Well, this is a pretty dumb movie.

[34:10] We should go on to.

[34:12] This is written by the guy who wrote the Underworld movies.

[34:14] And it feels like it.

[34:16] And it has a similar visual style of gray.

[34:19] It's not as gray as the Underworld movies.

[34:21] But if you like your horror, adventure, science fiction,

[34:24] fantasy action movies, super gray and dim

[34:28] and not particularly interesting to look at or watch

[34:30] the story of, hey, try this movie, I, Frankenstein.

[34:34] And if you want to see Aaron Eckhart act,

[34:36] I would recommend watching interviews with him describing

[34:41] I, Frankenstein, where he explains how Frankenstein

[34:44] is the original loner, the original anti-hero.

[34:47] The original party animal.

[34:48] The original party animal.

[34:49] And how this is a story, this is a character story

[34:51] you need to be told.

[34:52] I wanted to say that Frankenstein was

[34:54] the original Herman Munster.

[34:57] But that might be something that someone

[35:00] said online that was really funny when Channing Tatum was

[35:03] talking about how psyched he is to play Gambit or something.

[35:06] I forget who it was that said it,

[35:06] but I wish that their favorite thing is when the celebrity now

[35:09] has to explain why they've always

[35:10] wanted to play the superhero they just heard about.

[35:13] And it feels kind of like, sure, certainly Aaron Eckhart

[35:15] had heard of Frankenstein before.

[35:16] Frankenstein's a part of our popular consciousness,

[35:19] and so for 200 years now, roughly.

[35:22] He needs to play this new badass hobo version.

[35:25] But why Frankenstein is the role he

[35:26] wanted to play so badly, when he gives it so little energy

[35:29] and so little of his acting talent.

[35:32] Yeah, let's move on to Final Judgments.

[35:34] Whether this was a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie,

[35:37] or a movie you kind of liked.

[35:38] Elliot, what do you got to say?

[35:39] This was a bad, bad movie.

[35:40] I got to say, I am totally, and I'm usually

[35:43] a purist in a lot of things.

[35:44] There have been so many different versions

[35:46] of Frankenstein that I'm totally

[35:47] open to a complete re-imagining.

[35:49] Frankenstein's going to survive.

[35:51] It's like a Hamlet, like if I see a bad production of Hamlet,

[35:54] I'm like, that's cool.

[35:55] I'll see another one eventually that plays 400 years old.

[35:58] It's not going away because of this one bad production.

[36:00] Like, Frankenstein will survive this.

[36:02] So if you said to me, we're going

[36:03] to make a movie where Frankenstein's monster is

[36:05] kind of like an action hero who fights demons,

[36:07] I'd say that sounds stupid.

[36:09] But maybe there's a fun way to do it.

[36:11] But they didn't do it.

[36:13] Instead, they tried to make him like a dark, brooding Batman

[36:16] type, but throw in a crap load of underworld stuff,

[36:20] and it doesn't work.

[36:20] I'm going to say it's a bad, bad movie.

[36:22] I'm going to take the counterpoint, actually,

[36:24] to what you just said, which is that I don't mind

[36:28] the idea of a re-imagining of Frankenstein,

[36:30] but this particular re-imagining of Frankenstein

[36:33] is the most boring.

[36:34] No, no, it's the laziest, dullest way they could do it.

[36:37] Yeah, I'm just angry at the trend these days

[36:41] where it just seems to be like, let's take anything

[36:43] in the world and plug it into a typical superhero narrative.

[36:48] And that's what all modern action movies seem to be.

[36:51] Certainly all modern fantasy action movies are like,

[36:54] let's take something and turn it into a movie.

[36:57] It's similar to how with Alice in Wonderland and stuff

[37:01] like that, and Snow White and the Huntsman.

[37:03] It's like, let's take a fairy tale or a fantasy thing

[37:06] and just make it a Lord of the Rings movie,

[37:08] even if that doesn't speak to the spirit of the story

[37:11] at all in the case of Alice in Wonderland.

[37:14] But I think Frankenstein's a little bit more malleable than that.

[37:17] It is, but I mean, this is in that...

[37:20] At this point, the character is so far divorced from the story

[37:23] and you could find a new way to make him an adventure hero

[37:26] that's not just this bland superhero filler.

[37:30] That's true. I'm just tired of...

[37:32] It's basically the same A-blank and Vampire Hunter template.

[37:37] No, that's true.

[37:39] Well, I think you guys are fucking crazy.

[37:41] What?

[37:42] This movie was great.

[37:43] You have a Queen of the Gargoyles, played by Miranda Otto,

[37:47] delivering her best Judi Dench-style monologues,

[37:51] and she only seems to have one set of clothes.

[37:54] And there's an evil gargoyle, played by Jai Courtney.

[37:58] He's not really evil.

[37:59] I mean...

[38:00] He's just got a bad attitude.

[38:02] I mean...

[38:03] Gratitude, if you will.

[38:04] OK, so I think he's evil.

[38:06] And then there's all other kinds of stuff,

[38:08] like the writer of the movie gets to play one of the bad guys.

[38:11] There's a bit where they electrocute this rat

[38:13] and it comes back to life.

[38:14] That shit's amazing.

[38:16] You guys are nuts.

[38:17] OK, so...

[38:19] I, Frankenstein, I, a fan.

[38:22] I, Fanenstein.

[38:24] It was the most ironic final judgments.

[38:27] You know what they should have made?

[38:28] I, Frankenheimer.

[38:30] John Frankenheimer takes a little break from directing movies

[38:33] to fight gargoyles and demons.

[38:36] But all of his Hollywood friends come to help him.

[38:39] Burt Lancaster, the ghost of Robert F. Kennedy.

[38:42] It would be great.

[38:43] I, Frankenheimer.

[38:44] Or if I, Frankenstein, stand for Ignatius Frankenstein,

[38:48] and it was a cross between Frankenstein and Confederacy of Dunces.

[38:51] Or it stood for Isaac Frankenstein,

[38:55] the son of Al Franken and Ben Stein,

[38:58] who got married and adopted a baby.

[39:02] Call us Hollywood.

[39:05] But before we move on to letters...

[39:07] I guess what I'm saying is the golem was the original Frankenstein.

[39:10] Yeah.

[39:11] Sure.

[39:12] Protecting the ghetto of Prague.

[39:13] You're talking about, of course, what's-his-face,

[39:17] the star of the wrestler.

[39:19] Mickey Rourke.

[39:20] Mickey Rourke's the golem.

[39:21] Here's...

[39:22] Speaking of ghettos...

[39:23] Andy Serkis did an amazing job...

[39:25] How come...

[39:26] ...portraying Mickey Rourke...

[39:27] ...and the Lord of the Rings.

[39:30] How come during the blaxploitation horror phase

[39:33] that brought us Blackula and Blackenstein,

[39:36] there was no black golem?

[39:37] It's a ghetto story.

[39:38] It's a ghetto story.

[39:39] You just have...

[39:40] You just make it set in the inner city instead of...

[39:41] Yeah, it's a pallet swap.

[39:42] ...and you make it...

[39:43] Well, it wasn't a shtetl.

[39:44] It was a Jewish quarter.

[39:45] But anyway, that's besides the point.

[39:46] It was in a city rather than a village.

[39:47] I'm sorry.

[39:48] But it's okay.

[39:49] But black golem.

[39:50] Hey, somebody go back in time and make it,

[39:51] along with Blore Lando.

[39:52] So...

[39:53] Yeah.

[39:54] Yeah.

[39:55] Yeah.

[39:56] Yeah.

[39:57] Yeah.

[39:58] Yeah.

[39:59] Yeah.

[40:00] Before we move on, we'd like to thank our sponsor, as they have been for the last couple

[40:06] episodes, Squarespace, which is the all-in-one platform that makes it fast and easy to create

[40:12] your own professional website, portfolio, and online store.

[40:16] Wait, my own?

[40:17] Yeah.

[40:18] Even I, Frankenstein?

[40:19] Mm-hmm.

[40:20] Even you, Frankenstein.

[40:21] If you want to put up some videos of your, like, awesome kata with your stick attacks.

[40:27] If you, Frankenstein, want to show yourself beating up some demons.

[40:31] Show your enemies what they're in for.

[40:32] Streaming video.

[40:33] And where would I get the tools to make that site?

[40:35] You would do that at Squarespace.

[40:37] For a free trial and 10% off that free trial, visit squarespace.com slash flop house and

[40:44] enter the offer code FLOPHOUSE at checkout.

[40:49] And look, Squarespace makes it simple and easy.

[40:52] You don't need to know HTML.

[40:53] Good, because I do not.

[40:55] You can just use their tools to design a beautiful website using their pre-made templates.

[41:04] It's got drag-and-drop content.

[41:06] It's got 24-7 support through live chat and email.

[41:10] If you don't know how to do it, even with the easy tools they provide, you can talk

[41:14] to a support person at any time.

[41:18] Plans start at $8 a month, and that includes a free domain name if you sign up for a year.

[41:23] And it's got responsive design.

[41:25] Like Aquafan or the Flop House podcast.

[41:28] I think someone took Flop House butts already.

[41:30] Awesome.

[41:31] I mean, that just redirects to our website, but thank you, whoever bought Flop House butts.

[41:37] And now you have to decide to buy Flop House wives' butts for Dan.

[41:43] But um.

[41:44] But um.

[41:45] I'm talking about Squarespace because it's hip to be square, Squarespace that is.

[41:49] If you want to use Squarespace to design your website now, you can start a trial with no

[41:55] credit card required today, and you can go to Squarespace using the offer code FLOPHOUSE

[42:01] to get 10% off your first purchase, and it's going to show your support for us.

[42:05] And I believe in this product so much, I'm not going to make fun of you for saying offer

[42:08] quote just now.

[42:09] Thanks buddy.

[42:10] So what was the site again?

[42:11] Squarespace.com?

[42:12] Squarespace.com.

[42:13] For all your web development needs?

[42:15] That's true.

[42:16] And the offer quote was Flop House?

[42:17] It was.

[42:18] And that quote.

[42:19] That's great.

[42:20] I'm signing up tonight.

[42:22] Thanks guys.

[42:24] So now we're moving on to letters from listeners like you, the one who's listening to us right

[42:31] now.

[42:32] Great.

[42:33] Are you going to hear your letter tonight?

[42:36] You the listener, will you jump up in fright?

[42:39] My letter, my letter, it couldn't be better.

[42:42] My letter on the Flop House tonight, maybe, but might?

[42:47] Could they read my letter tonight?

[42:49] That's a lot of internal rhyme in this.

[42:50] I sent in my letter, couldn't forget her.

[42:53] Sending in the letters of the Flop House, will the Flop House read my letter?

[42:59] For free sound?

[43:00] Maybe I'll eat a chunk of cheddar while I wait for the Flop House to read some letters.

[43:05] I know that my Flop House guys are my betters.

[43:08] Flop House, read my letter tonight, tonight, tonight.

[43:17] They'll read my words tonight.

[43:19] A little modulation there.

[43:20] The words I typed and sent into the house.

[43:24] Oh yeah, you didn't hold that note that well.

[43:27] Look, it's late at night.

[43:28] That letter I wrote, I meant it note for note.

[43:34] The letter that I wrote to those Flop guys.

[43:39] No, a little higher, a little pitchy on that one.

[43:43] Alright, well.

[43:45] When you write letters, you write letters to the Flop House.

[43:48] From your first letter to the other one you wrote.

[43:51] Write us a letter and we'll read it someday.

[43:54] When you're a fan, you write letters.

[43:55] Very West Side Story.

[43:58] So, this first letter.

[44:01] A letter.

[44:03] We're about to read you a letter.

[44:06] And suddenly you'll hear the letter that's so near your ear.

[44:11] But the website, the new website doesn't have titles.

[44:14] So that's what was confusing me.

[44:17] A lot of people are writing in through the website now.

[44:20] Rather than emailing directly.

[44:22] And so we don't get the subject headings.

[44:25] So this one has no title.

[44:28] But this gentleman writes.

[44:30] I write to admonish, praise and question.

[44:33] First the admonishment.

[44:35] I wrote some time ago to thank you for helping me get through a very tough time.

[44:38] You're welcome.

[44:40] While I didn't expect my email to get read.

[44:42] I was hoping it would at least let you know how much I've enjoyed the sweet, free, golden entertainment you've provided to me.

[44:47] Imagine my surprise when I tuned in to the next episode.

[44:50] To hear Dan chastising the listeners for not being concerned enough with his knee injury.

[44:55] Which he probably got performing some sort of pervy activity.

[44:58] You know it.

[44:59] Needless to say, I fell into a miasma of depression and guilt.

[45:04] Rending my garments and smearing ashes on my face.

[45:07] I have only now recovered.

[45:09] As for the praise.

[45:10] I mean all you need to do to recover from that is wash your face and put new clothes on.

[45:14] As for the praise, you guys rock.

[45:16] Every episode seems to get better.

[45:17] And I have to say, I think that.

[45:19] Chill this one.

[45:21] I have to say, I think the leader of the group.

[45:23] Who is far too unappreciated for his comedic sensibilities and wry personality.

[45:27] Has finally gotten you all whipped into shape.

[45:30] So I say thank you to you, FlophouseHousecat.

[45:32] What?

[45:33] For working your management magic.

[45:34] I see what he did there.

[45:36] Magic Bane switch.

[45:37] The old Ms. Direct.

[45:38] I'm sorry, Ms. Direct.

[45:40] Finally, questions.

[45:42] Elliot.

[45:43] That's me.

[45:44] Being a history buff.

[45:45] Do you have any Revolutionary War history books you would recommend?

[45:48] Stuart.

[45:49] Johnny Tremaine.

[45:50] Stuart.

[45:51] What?

[45:52] Yeah, I guess it's a young adult problem.

[45:53] Let me get through these and we'll circle back.

[45:55] Stuart.

[45:56] Why Coors Light?

[45:57] Why oh why Coors Light?

[46:00] Dan.

[46:01] What happened to your hook hands?

[46:03] Did you have surgery to get them replaced with less hook-like implements,

[46:06] such as mannequin hands?

[46:08] Keep on flopping forever.

[46:10] Peter Lastname withheld.

[46:12] So, Elliot, do you have any?

[46:16] You can take my Johnny Tremaine.

[46:17] You actually, and come back to me because I'm going to look up the author of the book.

[46:21] Okay, I'll jump on mine.

[46:25] Coors Light because it's super watery.

[46:28] And it's like drinking vitamin water if it made me stupider as opposed to better at stuff.

[46:34] So instead of smart water, it's dumb water.

[46:37] A dumb waiter.

[46:39] And I drink a ton of other stuff, but this is.

[46:42] As to what happened to my hook hands,

[46:44] they were replaced by much more insulting and personally damaging traits

[46:51] that people have imposed on me, like being boring.

[46:55] Yeah, nobody imposed that one on you, Dan.

[46:58] Are you or Elliot the homophobe?

[47:02] I was supposed to be the homophobe.

[47:03] Elliot was supposed to be the racist.

[47:06] Yeah, I'm boring, Elliot.

[47:08] That's why I have reached a position of success in New York comedy

[47:14] and I have produced this successful podcast.

[47:19] It was through the sheer boredom of my personality.

[47:22] You were so bored with your personality, you were forced to do other things.

[47:26] Well, that's partly true.

[47:27] And the Revolutionary War book that I would recommend.

[47:29] You're right, Dan, you're not boring.

[47:30] You're merely boorish.

[47:32] That's true.

[47:33] I would recommend a book called Patriots,

[47:35] the Men Who Started the American Revolution by A.J. Langeth,

[47:39] which I found to be a very readable and dramatic

[47:43] and also educational book about the American Revolution.

[47:49] John and Jermaine by that guy who wrote it.

[47:53] If you want to read particularly about one battle,

[47:55] there's a good book called The Battle of Brooklyn about the Battle of Brooklyn,

[47:58] which took place in Mayan Stewart's neighborhood, but before we moved in.

[48:03] Okay.

[48:05] This next letter.

[48:06] But not before Frankenstein moved in.

[48:09] Well, Frankenstein lived in Brooklyn for a while.

[48:10] Yeah, I think so.

[48:12] Now he lives in Williamsburg.

[48:14] That guy.

[48:16] So this says, to the floppers,

[48:20] I've been listening to your podcast for a few months now

[48:23] and I finally made my way through most of the back catalog.

[48:26] I think your constant outpouring of love for that vivacious bubbly scamp Mads Mikkelsen

[48:30] has finally rubbed off on me, culminating in a dream I had last night

[48:34] in which Mads and walking human thumb Andrew Zimmern

[48:37] traveled the world eating exotic foods.

[48:41] Or peoples.

[48:42] Things didn't stay wholesome for long

[48:44] until Mads soon found himself embroiled in a Russian political coup.

[48:48] I was aroused from my dream before its conclusion,

[48:51] but it left me wondering, what kind of adventure would you like to see Mads involved in?

[48:55] And keep it PG, I know how you guys are when it comes to that guy.

[48:59] Thanks for the laugh, fellas.

[49:00] Jim, last name withheld.

[49:03] Well, PG back in the day used to be way crazier.

[49:05] Oh, yeah, they used to have PG comedies with nudity in them.

[49:08] A teen wolf could surf on top of a van back in the day.

[49:11] I mean, he could still do that probably.

[49:12] Yeah, but that would be R.

[49:13] No.

[49:14] No way.

[49:15] That's your example.

[49:16] I'm just saying that.

[49:17] Teen wolf in a van.

[49:18] I'm just saying that.

[49:19] Not like Tonya Roberts nude in Beastmaster or something like that.

[49:22] Well, don't you.

[49:23] Well, they introduced Sheena.

[49:24] Well, Sheena, too.

[49:25] Don't you remember how.

[49:26] There's toplessness in Caddyshack, and that was, I think.

[49:29] I was going to say, don't you remember that movie,

[49:31] when that movie The Program came out, where the football players were, like,

[49:35] lying down in the middle of the road.

[49:36] Well, they cut that scene.

[49:37] Some idiots actually got ran over.

[49:39] Sorry, you know, respect for the dead and all.

[49:41] They were lying down on the road and got ran over.

[49:43] But Teen Wolf, nobody tried to surf on a van.

[49:45] Are you kidding me?

[49:46] Everybody was.

[49:47] That shit was awesome.

[49:48] So you're saying.

[49:49] Are you a Stiles or are you a Teen Wolf, Elliot?

[49:52] I am one of the guys hanging out elsewhere in the high school.

[49:55] I don't think I've been to either one.

[49:57] You're the guy with his penis out of his pants.

[50:00] Yeah, I'm the guy in the last scene tucking his penis back into his pants in the stands of the basketball stadium. Yeah

[50:05] Basketball courts anyway. Oh, so what was the question?

[50:09] Question was what would matter course? Let me just say

[50:12] What adventure would I like to see Mads Mikkelsen in there are no adventures?

[50:16] I wouldn't like to see Mads Mikkelsen in maybe he's fighting demons with the help of some gargoyles. Sure. That's fine

[50:21] But let me just let me just put one little thing in your mind a little thing called

[50:27] Jurassic Mads

[50:29] You figure it out. I would like to see Mads Mikkelsen in an old-style Broadway musical. I think that'd be a lot of fun

[50:36] I'd like to see a movie where Mads Mikkelsen plays an English teacher in a tough high school and he has to get some kids to

[50:44] You know to stop just straighten up and stop fooling around and show their full potential

[50:50] Or maybe maybe he's a summer school teacher and he's got a motley crew of students who don't pay attention

[50:56] And he has to help them all pass summer school and also keep his job being in which Christy Alley was in summer school

[51:02] Yeah, that's what I thought. All right. I just wanted to confirm that

[51:05] Well, you checked it up after the last episode. Okay, I thought you were implying that we couldn't do a remake of summer school with

[51:11] Mads Mikkelsen and Christy Alley at a falling out. Yeah, the two of them hate each other

[51:16] Just so you know

[51:16] Miss Lee before you make that famous before you do that look who's talking reboot with Mads Mikkelsen as the baby before you and Christy

[51:22] Alley cannot be in the same room before you put

[51:25] Curse the alley. I think we put Mads Mikkelsen in a new Veronica's Closet series. No

[51:32] Before you let Mads Mikkelsen voice the bullets in the remake of runaway

[51:39] Before you do that new version before you do cheers the next generation. Yeah

[51:44] So this letter is but on a spaceship. This letter is titled hitting the big time

[51:49] It's it's basically

[51:55] Do you trigger people go to the holodeck and get shot by a time again

[52:01] This letter is titled hitting the big time dear flop housers

[52:04] I was listening to one of your old podcast where Dan was lamenting. He had no Wikipedia page

[52:10] Curious to see if this heinous crime had been rectified in the ensuing years

[52:13] I was delighted to see that it had though. It's shocked to see it had been nominated for deletion some years ago

[52:19] Not being noteworthy enough for shame Wikipedia

[52:22] But it was even more delighted to see that Stewart now has his own page as well. Thank you Matt Carmen

[52:27] I'm wondering now if Dan and Elliot have seen any changes to Stewart in the months since he became a Wikipedia

[52:33] Superstar has the fame gone to his head now that he's achieved where I assume what is was his life goal

[52:38] I assume he was constantly being

[52:42] Even before there was a Wikipedia that was his goal

[52:44] Assuming he's constantly being stopped in the streets by people asking for his autograph and asked to deal with a paparazzi

[52:50] Following day and night

[52:51] I hope that he'll remain the same old Stewart still the lighting in movies where people get their ding-dongs ripped off and thinking that

[52:57] Tuxedos are indeed the height of fashion

[52:59] I would hate to see him turn into a diva creating a rift in the flop house brotherhood

[53:03] And how's the flop house house cat dealing with the fact that he is yet to get his own Wikipedia entry?

[53:08] He is not happy sincerely Kelly last name with he prefers to be more of like a like a puppet master behind the screen

[53:15] I

[53:17] Will say that Stewart drove up to the podcast recording tonight in a yellow Lamborghini driven by a chimp in a tuxedo

[53:23] So let's just say the pat the fame has gone to his head a little bit. I mean parking up

[53:28] He's not gonna park it there in this neighborhood

[53:36] Yeah, and he is drinking Coors Light, but he's drinking it out of a diamond-studded beer koozie

[53:41] Mm-hmm and his speedo is now made of gold. Yeah, very uncomfortable

[53:47] Very chafy. He now has gold penis poisoning

[53:52] That was in an early draft of a goldfinger

[53:59] So, I hope that answers your question our last letter of the show is titled the leprechaun series, please explain

[54:07] Let's explain he's the leprechaun he goes to space he's been the hood. That's all

[54:12] It's like a little monster guy Jennifer Aniston space

[54:15] It goes a little something like this. I just recently watched all six leprechaun movies and I had six dates in a row

[54:21] I guess I'm confused too. Why did you watch all six leprechaun movies?

[54:26] Why do you get leased around for you?

[54:29] Tired the leprechaun doesn't have a huge bag of tricks. I totally remember rent by the way

[54:33] I totally remember renting leprechaun in space on VHS and my local Hastings VHS copy

[54:40] Wasn't a very good copy and then there was no sound and I still watched the whole

[54:53] This is surrogate Eisenstein, but I wasn't really prepared to like make a stink about

[55:00] Well, I guess I'll make the most of it

[55:04] To continue with the question, why does this series exist?

[55:07] What is the target demographic they aren't scary or thrilling and given the meandering style of films?

[55:13] They don't even seem to be trying for thrills Robert Allman made there's true graphic for kids

[55:17] But not graphic enough for exploitation enthusiasts like most scared stupid

[55:22] Most of them have one violent kill and one boob shot no more no less

[55:25] They aren't generally funny, but they seem to be vaguely aiming in the direction of comedy

[55:30] There's no consistency between any of the six films I don't get it

[55:34] Who is this for who said an evil leprechaun brilliant?

[55:37] The kids just can't get enough dark modern interpretations of goofy Irish folklore

[55:41] explain

[55:43] Well, I think they found their target audience in our letter, right?

[55:48] I would say that they were ahead of their time in doing a dark interpretation of a fairy tale type character

[55:55] But I remember as a kid. I watched the second one a couple times

[55:59] Yeah, it was like or the one gory kill on the one boob show audience is like 14 year olds, you know

[56:04] I I have to admit I've only seen the first leprechaun and my experience of it was watching the first 20 minutes

[56:12] Enjoying it a fair amount and then watching the rest of it sober the next day. I think

[56:17] Can I fast-forward to the end of this thing when this plays a leprechaun against it?

[56:22] It's just a work Davis vanity project. Mm-hmm. He really loves this

[56:27] Yeah, he wanted he thought this leprechaun character he thought was great do a TV show public appearances. Mm-hmm

[56:33] I mean they were going for it kind of like a Freddy Krueger type wisecracking

[56:38] Monster raise awareness of leprechauns and how leprechauns

[56:43] Want to keep their gold?

[56:45] He's super powerful. Like his powers are fairly ill-defined so you can have him do whatever you want. He's basically Tom Bombadil. Yeah

[56:52] I feel

[56:54] Well, that sounds great. Well, I evil Tom Bombadil

[56:58] Exactly and his wife Goldberry and his pony fatty lumpkin just singing interminable songs

[57:05] Being an absent-minded God saving people from old man Willow

[57:12] Using his infinite ability to occasionally do something. Yeah, what a weird character

[57:19] We are gonna get

[57:26] Really feels like talking clearing his throat like he got through the first few chapters. He's like, oh this is moving pretty well

[57:32] He's like, um

[57:34] Okay

[57:43] Let me put something in that even Peter Jackson won't put in a movie

[57:47] They I think he he trapped the characters in a situation either gonna save them from so we literally

[57:52] Did what he does in The Hobbit over and over again and just had another character wandering and save them

[57:56] But made the character way too powerful by accident and was like, oh, well, there's no danger

[58:02] If I just have this guy walking around so I'll have him be absent-minded

[58:06] Don't they say why don't we just give the ring to Tom Bombadil?

[58:09] He takes the ring and he's like, oh, this is and they're like, they said like, oh, he'll just forget it or something

[58:15] I had Tom Bombadil

[58:17] So I hope that answers your question

[58:20] I don't know what to say. You'll never got movie made him for money

[58:23] Yeah

[58:23] I feel like they're made for like 14 year olds who could convince their parents to let them watch them because most parents are like this

[58:29] Can't be there like a leprechaun movie. There's probably songs and families

[58:32] They're like a travelogue with a leprechaun you get to see the hood you get to see space. Oh, yeah

[58:37] I feel like the hood at that point. They're like we are going for the hardcore irony crowd and the

[58:44] Go back to the hood. The first leprechaun is what 20 years old now. Yeah, like that's a long

[58:52] Yeah, that's a criterion box it with Peter Bob

[59:08] Donovan look him up in the homebook under Donovan Peter B

[59:10] I

[59:17] Tell you about the time Orson and I were having dinner Orson Welles that is who should walk by but Sam Peckinpah

[59:24] Anyway, Peter he said you wrote the dirtiest script instead of an ass guy. He has a dirty bib

[59:33] Yeah, so let's move on to our final segment

[59:37] Recommendations of movies that we actually liked movies that we recommend that you watch instead of I

[59:43] Frankenstein Stuart you were Stuart in addition to I

[59:46] Raring they go. She calls the awesomest film of the year the I Frankenstein yes movie

[59:51] Yeah, there is there a DVD box that I can put a stamp of approval on by now

[59:56] guaranteed entertainment, so

[1:00:00] You guys are the lamest of the blockbuster stamps.

[1:00:05] So, keeping with the theme of Frankenstein, of a, you know, an original loner hell-bent

[1:00:18] on revenge, I want to talk about a movie about a misunderstood fellow who might live in a

[1:00:28] castle, might have difficulty, I don't know, connecting with people, women perhaps, his

[1:00:34] own ding-dong.

[1:00:35] I'm just joking, I'm not going to recommend Castle Freak, although I did read a great

[1:00:40] interview with Peter Jackson, or not Peter Jackson, Stuart Gordon, they both have beards

[1:00:45] and are fat.

[1:00:46] But I was reading this great interview.

[1:00:49] I mean, Paul Bredon, I mean, Chris Claremont, I mean, George R. R. Martin.

[1:00:55] So I was reading this interview with Stuart Gordon, where he was talking about, you know,

[1:01:00] other filmmakers are pushing the envelope that he appreciates, and he mentioned The

[1:01:05] Human Centipede, and I feel that's kind of disappointing, because I feel like a Stuart

[1:01:10] Gordon directed Human Centipede would have been so much more gross than Tom Six's Human

[1:01:16] Centipede.

[1:01:17] And just to have more imagination.

[1:01:18] Yeah, exactly.

[1:01:20] But the movie I really want to recommend also features him.

[1:01:24] I recommend that a long time ago.

[1:01:25] It's called The Human Centipede Full Sequence.

[1:01:27] It's 100% Macaulay Ackroyd.

[1:01:28] I do like that that was a selling point for the movie, which is such a William Castle

[1:01:35] old-fashioned thing.

[1:01:36] It's so awesome.

[1:01:37] We talked to ten doctors who all told us that our Human Centipede theory would work.

[1:01:43] Who all told us, yeah, I guess you could sew three people together, ask them out.

[1:01:48] It's just a story for now, but is this the future of medicine?

[1:01:54] So I'm recommending another movie that features a loner who has difficulty connecting with

[1:01:59] people.

[1:02:00] He's been fighting demons for quite a while, and unfortunately, a woman that he gives a

[1:02:07] magic potion to turns into a demon, and that woman is The Granny.

[1:02:13] Little did, wait, what's the character's name, is Namanami, little did he know that

[1:02:21] when he gave The Granny this magical potion, the Quee-chow, I think, I don't remember,

[1:02:28] that she would take the potion at the wrong time like a gremlin and become a super powerful

[1:02:33] demon granny, and then kill a bunch of people.

[1:02:36] So if you haven't already watched The Granny...

[1:02:39] Up until now, it's pretty much acquired viewing.

[1:02:42] I think it was one of TCM's essentials.

[1:02:44] It was number one on the sight and sound pool.

[1:02:47] So The Granny, where would we find this movie?

[1:02:50] In the hearts of children everywhere.

[1:02:53] In the reflected eyes of any child that has, I don't know, imagination, or I think you

[1:03:01] can find it on VHS, I don't think it exists on DVD yet.

[1:03:06] So I'd quickly like to recommend two movies, and I'm saying up front that I'm recommending

[1:03:11] two movies this time.

[1:03:12] Sure, there's nothing wrong with that.

[1:03:14] Happens all the time.

[1:03:15] The problem last time was you were like, let me tell you about two movies I'm not recommending,

[1:03:18] then I'll get to my recommendations.

[1:03:20] Just own up to it.

[1:03:21] So quickly, I re-watched Wages of Fear recently.

[1:03:25] That's a great movie.

[1:03:26] Which is a movie that I originally had seen on a semester abroad in London years ago,

[1:03:31] and immediately thought, this is one of my favorite movies ever.

[1:03:36] But then just did not watch it again for years and years and years.

[1:03:40] And I got the Criterion disc, and it's beautiful.

[1:03:44] And it's a movie about basically a bunch of guys, they're in South America, right?

[1:03:54] They're sort of all in dead-end positions.

[1:03:57] They get a chance to make $2,000 each by transporting a bunch of nitroglycerin

[1:04:04] across these rocky roads in trucks that can blow up at any time.

[1:04:10] And it's directed by Henri Clouseau, who did Diabolique,

[1:04:18] which is probably what he's best known for, I think, in America.

[1:04:21] But I think Wages of Fear is better.

[1:04:24] It's much better than Diabolique.

[1:04:25] Le Corbeau is better than Diabolique, I think.

[1:04:27] But it's beautifully shot.

[1:04:30] The movie is about half over before anyone even gets in the truck,

[1:04:36] which is not a waste of time.

[1:04:38] It's all character-building time.

[1:04:39] It all shows who these men are and why they would put themselves in this position.

[1:04:45] And it's just a great, tense thriller and character study.

[1:04:50] I also wanted to recommend a movie that I saw on Netflix streaming called Deceptive Practice

[1:04:56] or Deceptive Practices, and it's a documentary that's nominally about Ricky Jay,

[1:05:05] although Ricky Jay deflects a lot of the time talking about old magicians that he admires.

[1:05:14] And I just love old-time magic and close-up magic.

[1:05:21] You know, like magic gets a bad rap mostly because what most people think of is...

[1:05:25] Magic gathering.

[1:05:28] What most people think of is sleazy, long-haired people gyrating while there's lasers in the background

[1:05:35] and smoke machines and putting a lady in a thing.

[1:05:37] That sounds like something you would love.

[1:05:39] Gyrating, putting a lady in a thing, lasers.

[1:05:43] Smoke machines.

[1:05:44] But it's all jerry-rigged, giant prop magic.

[1:05:49] You're talking about, for instance, the David Copperfield making the Statue of Liberty disappear trick

[1:05:54] where he just rotated the platform everyone was on.

[1:05:56] Yeah, whereas I have a real love and respect for people who have taken the years

[1:06:03] to learn the totally useless skills that are inherent in sleight of hand.

[1:06:11] Yeah, but in a larger sense, it does nothing for the world.

[1:06:17] But in another sense, it's beautiful that they've spent so much time becoming a master of this thing.

[1:06:22] In that sense, it's similar to the documentary Jiro Dreams of Sushi or something like that

[1:06:27] where a man spends all of his life in pursuit of becoming perfect at this one thing.

[1:06:32] In his profession, yeah.

[1:06:33] Yeah, and I love magic.

[1:06:36] I love the oral tradition of handing down these tricks.

[1:06:39] I love the sleazy, vaudevillian, carny quality of it.

[1:06:46] Yeah, the gyrating and the lasers and the smoke.

[1:06:48] Criss-angels.

[1:06:50] And Ricky Jay is such a great historian of these things.

[1:06:55] It's just a thing that personally I care a lot about.

[1:06:58] If I was granted the wish to have a technical skill.

[1:07:06] Now, keep in mind, this wish would be real magic, and you would be using real magic to get fake magic.

[1:07:12] Well, if I had a wish, I would probably go for being able to play guitar a lot better than I can first

[1:07:18] because that would actually impress people.

[1:07:20] I mean, both of these are skills that you can get better with practice.

[1:07:22] No, no, I don't care for it.

[1:07:23] Yeah, why don't you say something like a magic knee or something?

[1:07:25] A magic, unterrible knee.

[1:07:28] But I think it would be quite something to be very good at sleight of hand.

[1:07:33] I've never had the patience to actually pick them up.

[1:07:35] It takes a lot of patience and control.

[1:07:36] I'm good at it.

[1:07:37] Here's your monkey's paw moment.

[1:07:39] You're going to wish for an unbreakable knee, and then your other knee is going to break.

[1:07:42] Oh, boy.

[1:07:44] Or your leg falls off at the hip or something.

[1:07:46] Damn you, monkey's paw.

[1:07:47] That monkey's paw is an asshole.

[1:07:48] So just give it up.

[1:07:49] Give somebody else that paw.

[1:07:50] The point is you love magic, and this is a documentary about magic.

[1:07:52] Yeah, and I don't know necessarily whether on a technical level as a movie this was the best movie.

[1:08:00] We're not asking that.

[1:08:02] As a portrait of Ricky Jay and who's a fascinating guy, and on a personal note,

[1:08:07] I just found it very pleasurable to watch this documentary about Ricky Jay and about magic.

[1:08:12] So, Deceptive Practices.

[1:08:14] Deceptive Practices.

[1:08:15] And it's on Netflix streaming.

[1:08:17] It does sound a little bit like a late-night Cinemax movie.

[1:08:20] Yeah, Deceptive Practices sounds like something that involves a woman changing her underpants in front of an open window.

[1:08:24] Like a sexy lawyer movie.

[1:08:26] I also recommend that movie that you just invented in your brain.

[1:08:31] Yeah, Deceptive Practices with Shannon Worry and Shannon Tweed and Shannon Darty.

[1:08:37] Shannon Worry was in the movie.

[1:08:38] I recommend it.

[1:08:39] And Carrie Werher.

[1:08:40] Oh, yes, I did know that.

[1:08:42] Anyway, a lot of worrying going on.

[1:08:45] I'm going to recommend a movie that's kind of a sleazy movie, but it's a lot of fun, and that's a movie called What's the Matter with Helen?

[1:08:54] It's a Curtis Harrington movie who directed it, and if you know Curtis Harrington movies,

[1:08:58] you know there's going to be at least one middle-aged woman who goes crazy, and there's going to be some murder.

[1:09:03] Like a Blue Jasmine?

[1:09:05] More psychotic.

[1:09:07] And there's going to be some kind of nod to old-time Hollywood, and this movie has that in spades.

[1:09:14] It's set in the 30s, and it stars Shelly Winters and Debbie Reynolds as two women who are the mothers of two boys who committed a thrill kill,

[1:09:24] and they've been threatened by people who knew the victim, and so they escape by going to Hollywood and setting up a dance school for little girls.

[1:09:31] And Shelly Winters is very religious, and Debbie Reynolds is looking to land a husband, and the two of them form this kind of bizarre relationship.

[1:09:42] But at the same time, they're afraid that they're still being hunted by the person who wanted to kill them as revenge for their sons killing this woman.

[1:09:48] It's a pretty knowingly campy movie in a way that I usually don't go for, but in Curtis Harrington's hands it really works.

[1:10:00] Shelly winters thinks she has seen hallucinates that she is seeing her dead husband who was killed by being chopped up by a tractor

[1:10:07] While backstage at the child's recital and start screaming and ruining a patriotic number sung by little girls

[1:10:14] I realized this is a pretty fantastic movie. So uh if you're in the mood for kind of

[1:10:20] kind of

[1:10:21] Melodrama, that's not it's not as good as whatever happened to baby Jane

[1:10:25] But it's better than hush-hush sweet Charlotte as part of the trend. I'm often looking for that

[1:10:31] as and very much as part of the this this kind of 10-year fad of

[1:10:36] Older Hollywood starlets now being in horror movies about crazy people

[1:10:40] it's a really good example of that and a lot of fun and Agnes Moorhead as a

[1:10:45] One very good scene in it as an Amy Semple McPherson evangelist type who does not approve of Shelly winters behavior

[1:10:53] So I'd recommend it it's called what's the matter with Helen I would recommend though

[1:10:57] Don't look up the poster or any of the original advertising materials from the movie as spoiler alert

[1:11:02] They literally give away the ending of the movie on the poster

[1:11:05] So don't do that tell you what the matter with Helen is they don't tell you what the matter with hell, okay?

[1:11:11] What is the matter with hell? She's nuts, okay?

[1:11:16] What's the last part of the podcast the last part of the podcast is when we say goodbye

[1:11:23] Well, do we have to like Frankenstein? We'll be out there with our two sticks

[1:11:28] Fighting bad movies wherever we come across

[1:11:31] Just slapping the shit out of there. Give him a good smacking

[1:11:35] Yep, wearing a hoodie and hobo fingerless gloves

[1:11:37] Maybe we'll lead the good movies the bad movies and the good movies will kill live in the same neighborhood

[1:11:43] So you can know that we're out there and those people who are out there are me Dan McCoy. Oh

[1:11:49] This is the word. I'm Stewart

[1:11:52] Good work Stewart perfect and perfect Q and I Elliot Kalin. Good night, everyone

[1:11:59] Yeah

[1:12:05] All the Franken when you're all the Stein

[1:12:10] Give it up Stein when you're Frankenstein. I

[1:12:18] Frankenstein

[1:12:22] I'm high on the ceiling

[1:12:35] That's right Dan I took your song and I hijacked it made it a different song

The Flop House: Episode #154 - I, Frankenstein

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