The Flop House: Episode #156 - 3 Days to Kill

Dan McCoy

[0:00] When Mick G. teams up with Luke Besson and Kevin Costner, what could possibly go wrong?

[0:07] We discuss Three Days to Kill.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[0:38] Co-starring Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:41] And featuring Elliot Kalin.

[0:43] I'm Jessica Williams.

[0:45] Yeah, that's right. We gotta guess.

[0:47] In the Flophouse.

[0:49] Can Jessica Williams survive the Flophouse experience?

Stuart Wellington

[0:53] Where are you looking at me? I don't know.

[0:54] Look at Dan. He's the creepier one.

Elliott Kalan

[0:55] Dan, are you going to do anything weird that we should know about?

[0:58] I don't think so.

[0:59] Jessica, let me know.

[1:00] Please don't.

Dan McCoy

[1:02] We are a guest star.

[1:03] Yeah, guys, listeners.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05] And musical guests for non-blogs.

Dan McCoy

[1:08] Who you will not be hearing from.

[1:10] They're just in the corner.

[1:11] You're going to get bumped?

[1:13] So, listeners may know Miss Jessica Williams from The Daily Show.

[1:20] They may know her from Girls.

[1:22] They may know her from that soccer show she did.

S3

[1:25] Can I tell them what they don't know me from?

[1:27] What don't they know?

[1:28] I'm not the voice of Around the Horn or the Around the Horn intros.

[1:31] I just want to make sure everybody knows that.

[1:33] I don't know what that is.

[1:34] Thank you for clearing that up.

[1:35] That's probably not your demo, but it is this, I think it's a sports show on ESPN.

[1:41] Oh, I know that show.

[1:42] I always get, people always ask me if I do the voices for Around the Horn.

[1:46] I think I have a voice doppelganger.

[1:48] I just want to clear up once in front.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49] You know what's weird is I actually do the voice of Around the Horn.

[1:52] Oh, no.

[1:53] No.

[1:54] My nemesis.

[1:55] You sound just like me.

Dan McCoy

[1:56] It's terrible.

[1:57] It's just a bunch of guys standing around a horn.

[2:00] Is what I understand.

[2:01] There's a French horn in the middle of the room.

[2:04] One of them makes a move.

[2:04] The classy horn.

Elliott Kalan

[2:05] One of them makes a move to reach it to play for it, and then they just pull their hand

[2:08] back.

[2:08] Yeah.

[2:09] Because they're embarrassed.

Dan McCoy

[2:09] They've got to be around the horn.

[2:11] They can't play the horn.

[2:12] Yeah.

[2:13] That's not the rule.

[2:14] So we're a horn podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[2:16] So welcome to the Flophorn.

[2:17] Here we talk about horns and the flops that created them.

[2:20] Thank you for telling me.

[2:21] Good night.

[2:22] Oh, shit.

[2:23] There she goes.

[2:24] Tonight's subject.

[2:25] Thanks for being here.

[2:26] Little Jack Horner.

[2:27] Why was he sitting in that corner?

[2:29] Eating biscuits and whey?

[2:31] What was he eating?

Dan McCoy

[2:31] No, eating his something and jam.

[2:35] Eating his...

Elliott Kalan

[2:36] His...

[2:37] Like his...

[2:38] I don't know.

[2:39] I don't know what.

[2:41] Eating his words.

[2:41] Okay.

[2:42] He was upset.

[2:43] We'll talk about more things we don't know about.

[2:45] Well, I'm not a big guy on physics, but it seems that things are made up of atoms,

[2:49] and atom is a good name, so...

[2:51] I know a guy named Adam, so I guess there's lots of tiny hymns that make up all the furniture.

Dan McCoy

[2:56] Adam McGowan.

[2:57] Yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[2:58] It's all Canadian director, atom...

[2:59] Armenian Canadian director, atom McGowan.

Dan McCoy

[3:02] Makes up everything.

[3:03] You get two or more atom McGoyans together, you get a molecule McGowan.

[3:07] Yeah, or exotica.

[3:10] So, anyway...

[3:11] That was so cool.

[3:13] Much nonsense.

[3:14] That's how we do it here, Jess.

[3:15] I love it.

Elliott Kalan

[3:15] That's great.

[3:16] Dan, what do we actually do on this podcast?

Dan McCoy

[3:18] Well, it's mostly a garbage podcast, but we also...

Elliott Kalan

[3:21] We talk about the band garbage, stuff we've thrown out.

Dan McCoy

[3:24] We also...

[3:26] No, I do too.

[3:27] Version 2.0.

[3:28] Come on.

[3:29] Yeah, I don't know what that means.

[3:30] Anyway.

[3:32] Yeah.

[3:34] So, what do we do on this podcast?

[3:34] We should all note that Jessica is at least 10 years younger than all of us.

[3:38] No, but like...

Elliott Kalan

[3:38] Not me.

[3:39] She's like seven years younger than me.

[3:41] Yeah.

[3:41] I'm only seven years younger than him.

[3:43] Well, so like...

S3

[3:44] I mean, you're talking about garbage the band.

[3:46] I got that...

[3:47] Sure.

[3:47] I can't get into garbage the band specificity the way you did.

Elliott Kalan

[3:51] And instead of like being like, uh-huh, uh-huh, I made a brave choice and was like, you

S3

[3:55] know what?

[3:56] I can't get in there that specifically.

Stuart Wellington

[3:58] You didn't want to seem like you were down with all the references and just play along.

S3

[4:02] It would have been just very inauthentic, so...

[4:04] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[4:04] If we had said Garbage Pail Kids, she'd be like, I don't know.

[4:07] I don't know what that is.

Dan McCoy

[4:08] Or like New Jersey, what, Garbage Plates?

Elliott Kalan

[4:10] But Pokemon, oh boy.

Dan McCoy

[4:12] The number of Pokemon, I assume, you can list.

[4:14] Something to eat after going out to the clubs?

Stuart Wellington

[4:16] Yeah.

[4:16] Garbage plate.

[4:18] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[4:18] So, Dan, what do we do on this podcast?

[4:19] Okay, sorry.

[4:21] To introduce the premise of this podcast...

Elliott Kalan

[4:23] Unnecessary to say those words.

[4:25] Just tell us what we do on the podcast.

Dan McCoy

[4:27] What did we just do?

[4:28] We watch a bad movie.

[4:30] That happens prior to the taping.

[4:32] Okay.

[4:32] And then during the taping, which is now, we talk about it.

[4:36] Kind of like a review show.

[4:37] Well, more of a discussion panel.

[4:40] Okay.

[4:41] But really more of a comedy show with a bad movie focus.

Elliott Kalan

[4:45] So, are we easy listening?

Dan McCoy

[4:47] We are adult contemporary.

[4:49] Okay.

[4:50] Except for Jess, who is...

[4:53] What would you define yourself as?

S3

[4:55] Probably like a hip-hop jazz kind of thing.

Dan McCoy

[4:57] Well, that file under hip-hop jazz.

Elliott Kalan

[5:00] Okay.

[5:00] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[5:01] So, is that Stuart's TV show, Jazz, where he solves crime as a detective named Jazz?

Stuart Wellington

[5:05] And that's different than Stuart Wellington's Sex Describer, where I talk about people having sex.

[5:10] Yeah, that's a different show.

[5:11] That's on later.

[5:13] That's, what, like 11.30?

[5:15] That's on, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[5:15] What's late?

[5:16] I don't know anymore.

[5:17] That's on Showtime at 3.42.

[5:22] It's a very specific time in the morning.

Elliott Kalan

[5:24] Even if you get Showtime, it de-scrambles.

[5:26] It scrambles, and you have to keep flipping back and forth to unscrambling.

Dan McCoy

[5:30] Yep, you have to run that show through the VCR, which sort of unscrambles it a little bit,

[5:35] but not really.

[5:35] Uh-huh, and you have to squint your eyes like a magic eye painting.

Elliott Kalan

[5:38] And even then, half the time, you just get that video drum show.

Dan McCoy

[5:41] Yep.

[5:42] Anyway, the movie we watched tonight, though, was a movie called...

[5:47] I don't recall.

[5:48] It was called Three Days to Kill, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[5:51] Three Days to Kill.

[5:52] That is a generic name for what is kind of a generic movie and kind of an incredibly weird

[5:58] not generic movie.

Dan McCoy

[5:59] Now, Jess, we gave a lot of options, and you went for this one.

[6:03] Why?

S3

[6:04] I don't know, actually.

[6:05] I'm kind of bummed about the choice of names.

[6:08] You put me in between, like, a rock, a hard place, and then a shittier place.

Elliott Kalan

[6:11] It was about seven minutes in that you were like, we should have watched the Road to Kill.

[6:13] I had my regrets.

Stuart Wellington

[6:14] I think one of the places was a movie I already saw, too.

Elliott Kalan

[6:17] Yeah.

[6:18] You said we should watch Pompeii, but you already saw that.

S3

[6:20] I already saw Pompeii.

[6:22] I know you guys should watch Pompeii.

[6:24] Okay.

[6:25] Don't not see it.

Dan McCoy

[6:25] So let's pause the podcast.

[6:27] Let's talk a little bit about Pompeii.

Elliott Kalan

[6:30] Let's talk about Three Days to Kill.

[6:32] All right.

[6:32] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[6:34] Elliot, why don't you give us a little...

Stuart Wellington

[6:36] Okay, so Kevin Costner's in this movie, and he's a, I don't know, a serial killer?

[6:40] No.

[6:41] Yeah, he's playing Mr. Brooks in this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[6:43] He's playing Mel Brooks again.

[6:44] The 2,000-year-old serial killer.

S3

[6:46] My parents love Mr. Brooks.

Elliott Kalan

[6:48] Sir, did you know Jesus Christ?

[6:50] Yeah, I killed him.

[6:52] That's the 2,000-year-old serial killer.

[6:55] What about Napoleon, sir?

[6:57] Did you know Napoleon?

[6:58] Him I killed, too.

[7:01] Yes, tell us a little about Abraham Lincoln.

[7:03] I wore his skin.

[7:06] Kept him in a dungeon.

[7:07] It's a one-note premise.

[7:09] But Mel Brooks is just so good.

[7:11] Yeah.

[7:11] Anyway, so Three Days to Kill.

Dan McCoy

[7:13] Look, let's not underestimate Carl Reiner's contributions.

[7:16] No, no.

Elliott Kalan

[7:17] Without a straight man like that, Mel Brooks could never have come up with the different ways he killed all of those historical figures.

[7:22] Sure.

[7:23] So Kevin Costner plays Ethan Renner, a veteran CIA agent who's basic job is just murdering people.

Dan McCoy

[7:30] Ethan Renner combining the names Ethan Hunt from Mission Impossible and Jeremy Renner, the actual actor who took over the Bourne trilogy.

Elliott Kalan

[7:38] I prefer to think that it combines Ethan Frome by Edith Wharton, I believe, with Runner Runner, the Justin Timberlake movie.

[7:45] With a misspelled Rumor Willis.

[7:48] So he is a CIA hitman killer who, in the beginning, we see is trying to capture the albino, a man who works for an arms dealer called the Wolf.

[7:59] And the albino is about to sell a dirty bomb in a suitcase to a bunch of terrorists in a hotel.

[8:03] Yes, Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[8:04] I was just going to say that Kevin Costner knows a thing or two about wolves.

Elliott Kalan

[8:09] He's danced with them.

[8:10] He's danced with them.

[8:10] It would have been a great moment where they said, we're trying to track down the wolf.

[8:13] Get it?

[8:13] Because I've danced with wolves.

[8:14] I've danced with him before.

[8:15] And then Graham Greene came out and talked to him for a little bit.

[8:20] The actor, not the author.

[8:21] The author would make no sense.

[8:24] Kevin, I was wondering if we could discuss how Catholicism applies to the spy novel.

[8:29] I'm going to be like, I'm on the middle of a mission right now.

[8:31] Because Kevin Costner has a super gravelly Batman voice in this.

[8:35] He's sick.

[8:35] It's because he's sick.

[8:36] He thinks he has a cold, but it turns out he actually...

[8:39] He has a cancer cold.

[8:42] The mission goes horribly wrong.

[8:43] Everybody's killed except Kevin Costner and Amber Heard, who is in charge of the mission,

[8:47] and yet just watched it from a rooftop with binoculars and did nothing the whole time.

[8:50] The albino gets away.

[8:52] There's that not terrible action sequence, and Kevin Costner discovers he doesn't have a cold.

[8:56] He has brain cancer, which has spread to his lungs, which I think means he's dead.

[9:00] Basically, yeah.

[9:01] But the doctor gives him three to five months to live, which according to the movie is three days.

Stuart Wellington

[9:05] Okay.

[9:06] But despite the fact that he doesn't have a cold anymore, he doesn't give up his scarf affectation.

Elliott Kalan

[9:10] Yes.

[9:10] He always wears a scarf, and the scarves are of general different levels of jauntiness.

S3

[9:16] Well, sort of.

[9:17] They're also all just very thin and, like, casually hanging on his neck.

[9:21] They don't necessarily serve a purpose.

[9:23] Every scarf is meant to attract someone's eyes so he can go, oh, this old thing?

Elliott Kalan

[9:27] I just threw it off.

S3

[9:28] No.

[9:28] They were, like, fashion choices that he was making.

[9:31] But the other way I justified it was, oh, he's sick.

[9:34] Maybe this is, like, a symptom of being sick.

[9:36] He needs to keep his jowls warm.

Elliott Kalan

[9:39] Yeah.

[9:40] He does.

[9:40] There are certain scenes where it is very silly that Kevin Costner has a lot of loose skin around his neck and cheek areas.

[9:46] It makes it very difficult to choke.

Dan McCoy

[9:47] That's what his oncologist told him.

[9:49] His oncologist told him.

[9:50] They're like, oh, you got brain cancer that spread to your lungs.

[9:53] The most important thing is keep your waddle warm.

Elliott Kalan

[9:56] That's what's kind of.

[9:57] You're very.

[9:58] You're very.

Stuart Wellington

[9:59] You're going to be acting with some beautiful women.

[10:01] They do not want to see your waddle.

Elliott Kalan

[10:02] You're very susceptible to waddle chills in your current unhealthy state.

[10:06] So he decides he wants to spend the end of his life getting back in touch with his wife and daughter,

[10:11] who are estranged from him because he is this gravelly-voiced murderer.

[10:16] Murder monster.

[10:16] Murder monster who lives in an apartment.

[10:18] First, he goes to an apartment and finds that there's a bunch of squatters from, what, Senegal?

[10:23] Somewhere in Africa, but I couldn't.

[10:25] I don't remember the exact country.

[10:26] But due to French law, he can't kick them out.

[10:30] Yeah.

S3

[10:31] And they were very endearing and very warm.

[10:33] Yeah.

[10:34] They were the first likable people in the entire film.

Elliott Kalan

[10:37] This basically, you think it's going to take on the plot of The Visitor,

[10:39] that he comes home and there's a guy living in his apartment

[10:42] and he learns from this guy how to live again.

[10:44] Yeah.

[10:44] But really, they're just there every now and then when he returns to his apartment to get started.

[10:47] And that's not too far.

Stuart Wellington

[10:49] Yeah, and that's not too far of a stretch,

[10:51] considering that Luc Besson, who wrote this movie, made The Professional,

[10:53] which is kind of like that,

[10:55] of a hitman learning to relearn about life and humans.

Elliott Kalan

[10:59] I thought he meant it was like The Visitor and then it ended with Jean Reno just playing a drum somewhere

[11:04] in order to get out his anger at the U.S. immigration system.

[11:07] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[11:08] But it did make us feel like, I mean, it gave the false sense at the beginning of the movie.

[11:12] Like, oh, maybe this movie's going to go someplace new and interesting.

[11:15] Like, I did not expect Kevin Costner to come back and find this family of Senegalese squatters.

[11:22] Possibly Senegalese.

[11:22] I don't remember his name.

[11:23] In my home, you know.

[11:27] And like, it gave a warmth and spirit that the movie then let down.

[11:31] Totally dissipated.

Elliott Kalan

[11:32] Yeah.

[11:32] And so here's the problem with this movie.

[11:34] Half the movie is an action-adventure spy film.

[11:37] Half the movie is a guy who works too hard and is trying to reconnect with his family.

Stuart Wellington

[11:42] He's like a bad dad soccer dad.

Elliott Kalan

[11:43] He's a bad dad.

[11:44] He's a spy dad bad dad.

[11:46] He's like if Gerard Butler was a spy.

Stuart Wellington

[11:49] Or Nicolas Cage was a CIA agent from Stolen.

Elliott Kalan

[11:53] It's like if in The Weatherman, Nicolas Cage was not a weatherman, but a CIA agent.

[11:59] It's like if in Mr. Destiny, instead of wishing on a thing, he had a bad relationship with his kid and he's a spy.

Dan McCoy

[12:07] It's like if Destiny turned on the radio and when he turned on the radio, Cats in the Cradle was playing.

[12:14] That's what this movie's like.

Elliott Kalan

[12:16] So that reminds me that in our last movie we watched was Last Vegas and that Morgan Freeman's ringtone when his son called was Cats in the Cradle.

[12:23] Why would you program that?

[12:25] It's like you're just saying through your ringtone, I am a bad father.

[12:28] How does that song go?

[12:29] And the cats in the cradle and the seal of the spoon.

[12:32] It's all about a dad who never has time for his son.

Stuart Wellington

[12:34] You might remember the Ugly Kid Joe cover of it that was huge.

[12:38] I hate everything about Cats in the Cradle.

[12:39] I don't know when you guys were like six or something.

Dan McCoy

[12:43] You're a little younger.

[12:44] You might remember the Baby Einstein.

[12:45] Cats in the Cradle.

S3

[12:46] Oh my God, I was just listening on the subway on the way here.

[12:49] You know why?

[12:50] Because Goo Goo Fucking Gaga.

[12:51] I'm a baby.

Elliott Kalan

[12:54] That is the edgiest baby.

[12:56] Goo Goo Fucking Gaga.

[12:57] Gaga, bro.

[12:58] I'm a baby.

[12:59] Wham, wham, bullshit.

[13:00] The baby takes a long drag of a cigarette.

[13:02] It's a pacifar with a cigarette in it.

[13:03] His Capri 120s.

[13:06] So anyway, the point is, he's got these immigrants living in his apartment.

[13:11] In a way, he's an immigrant too.

[13:12] He's living in Paris.

[13:13] And the whole movie is set in Paris, aside from the opening.

[13:16] But anyway, so...

[13:17] It's from Paris with love.

[13:18] To anyone who's familiar with Chris Elliott's comedy special from the 80s, Action Family,

[13:24] where the joke was, whenever the character is outdoors, it's a hard-boiled cop show.

[13:29] Whenever he's indoors, it's a family sitcom.

[13:31] This movie is basically that.

[13:33] But we're supposed to take it seriously for the most part, but there's still like goofy

[13:36] Luke Besson type jokes and characters.

[13:38] Because Luke Besson wrote and produced this.

[13:40] McG directed it.

[13:41] McG, famously, of the Christian Bale trying to get his attention because a lighting guy

[13:45] was walking past him.

[13:49] But so, this movie, to make a long story short, Kevin Costner will occasionally go looking...

[13:54] He gets hired for one last spy mission by Amber Heard, playing the low-rent, poor man's

[13:59] version of Scarlett Johansson as Black Widow.

Dan McCoy

[14:01] And they're both like CIA agents.

[14:03] That's the thing.

[14:03] It's not like she recruits him.

Elliott Kalan

[14:07] He was a CIA agent who got sick.

[14:10] She's trying to pull him back in out of retirement.

[14:12] And she does a lot of showing up in sexy outfits in very dimly lit locales and talking to

[14:18] him and then giving him syringes of this magic cancer medicine.

[14:21] Yeah, sea-roading strip clubs.

[14:23] That may save him, but only if he catches and kills the wolf and the albino, the ones that

[14:30] got away.

S3

[14:31] And were those the ones giving him hallucinations?

Elliott Kalan

[14:33] Yes, and the drugs give him hallucinations, which take the form of him getting dizzy.

[14:37] If he gets too excited.

[14:38] If his heart rate gets up.

[14:39] It's the anti-crank.

[14:41] Yeah, well that's what I was going to say.

[14:42] It's like crank three, no cranking, please.

[14:44] And I have no...

Stuart Wellington

[14:45] Keep the cranking to a minimum.

[14:47] Crank three, yank my crank.

S3

[14:49] Yank my crank.

[14:51] Wow.

[14:52] Bang, bang, bang.

[14:53] You guys remember that song?

[14:55] No.

Stuart Wellington

[14:55] Is that too young for you?

[14:57] There we go.

[14:59] I think some kids were blasting that and I told them to turn it down.

[15:03] I'm sleeping.

Elliott Kalan

[15:04] He said, turn it down.

[15:05] I can't hear my Benny Goodman record.

[15:07] That's great.

[15:08] Classic.

[15:09] Now that was music.

Dan McCoy

[15:11] But this is one of the many scenarios in which this movie could have been a lot more fun

[15:16] than it is.

[15:17] Because I was going to say, just what you're saying, it's like a crank scenario where like,

[15:22] oh I gotta...

[15:22] You mean a Frank Sinatra.

[15:24] I put this medicine in.

[15:26] A Frank scenario?

Elliott Kalan

[15:28] He's a guy who runs a tire shop.

Dan McCoy

[15:31] I gotta put this medicine in to keep myself going, but I'm gonna hallucinate unless I drink

[15:37] a bunch of vodka.

[15:39] So it could have been like a cross between crank and drunken master, but it was like not

[15:43] that...

[15:44] It sounds great, by the way.

[15:44] Instead it's a cross between garbage and a piece of shit.

Elliott Kalan

[15:46] Yeah.

[15:47] And well, here's the thing.

[15:48] This could have been...

[15:49] There's a lot of concepts in here that could make for a fun movie.

[15:51] Like a family man spy is a fun idea.

[15:55] There's one guy who works for the albino who he becomes kind of friendly with even though

[16:00] he keeps torturing him to get information out of him.

[16:02] Like...

[16:03] And he asks him for dad advice because this guy has two daughters.

[16:06] They like...

[16:07] We really like him.

[16:08] He has to use...

[16:08] Yeah.

[16:08] He has to use his spy contacts to help his daughter get through like everyday teen stuff,

[16:13] which is a funny idea.

[16:14] And Dan made a good point that like Gross Point Blank is a movie that handles this type

[16:18] of thing much better.

[16:19] And is a really fun movie.

[16:20] And this does it very poorly.

[16:22] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[16:22] It's a question of tone.

[16:23] I feel like if you're going to make this kind of movie where it's just like, oh, we're

[16:27] going to combine ultraviolence with like low-key like everyday character comedy.

[16:32] But you've got to really hit that and keep it consistent.

[16:35] In this movie, like the tone's veered wildly from scene to scene.

[16:41] Like none more so than when like Amber Heard is on screen.

[16:46] And as you say, it's like Scarlett Johansson as the Black Widow.

[16:51] And then like Haley Steinfeld as the daughters on screen.

[16:53] And all of a sudden we're watching like, I don't know, One Tree Hill or something.

Elliott Kalan

[16:56] It's like a cross between One Tree Hill and like Danger Diabolique.

[17:00] This like Italian spy popcorn comic book movie.

[17:04] And then, yeah, like a family drama.

[17:06] You know, Pieces of April or something.

Stuart Wellington

[17:09] And I like, and for some reason it wouldn't bother me if it was even more extreme.

[17:14] But it's just so kind of bland.

Elliott Kalan

[17:15] They don't, the choices they make, it's like they want to, they veer wildly in tone while

[17:19] also being kind of safe in all the choices.

Stuart Wellington

[17:21] And even though it feels like every time he has a drug freak out, it's Mick G gets super

[17:26] excited that he can use his like blurry lens.

Elliott Kalan

[17:29] Yeah.

[17:29] And his like pound, his pulse lens.

[17:32] Here's the other thing about this.

[17:33] Every single moment the movie is punctuated with a bass drop.

[17:36] And it sounds like somebody was watching the Inception trailer on a laptop just following

[17:40] the camera around the entire movie.

[17:43] But anyway, but I will say there's a bunch of good, fairly well done action sequences

[17:47] in it.

[17:47] There's a fist fight in a bakery between Kevin Costner and a hit man that I liked.

[17:52] Baguette salesman.

[17:53] It's one of those things where like.

Dan McCoy

[17:54] Mostly because you just like to see French bakeries.

[17:55] You're like, mmm, that looks.

[17:56] It looks delicious.

[17:57] You were salivating during this.

[17:59] I'm a big fan of.

Stuart Wellington

[18:01] That was the Popeye's chicken he had consumed.

[18:03] Made the salivatory glands work and overgrown.

Elliott Kalan

[18:05] I had just finished eating it and then I remembered that I had Popeye's and it made me hungry

[18:09] for Popeye's again.

[18:10] I started drooling all over everything.

Stuart Wellington

[18:11] Because when you saw the hit man's hand get mushed into a working panini press and the

[18:15] sizzle sound made you hungry.

[18:17] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[18:17] But I'm a big fan of action scenes in a location where they use a lot of objects from the location

[18:22] in the fighting.

[18:24] Like if you have a setting for an action scene that has things in it, like I want to see

[18:28] those things used.

[18:29] And they do a fair amount of that.

[18:31] There's a car chase scene that's not so bad.

[18:33] Jessica, I keep cutting you off.

[18:34] No, I'm just going to say I totally get what you're saying.

S3

[18:37] Jackie Chan is actually really good at doing that.

[18:39] Yeah.

S3

[18:39] No matter what the plot is.

[18:41] He will always grab like a laptop and just make that face that Jackie makes and be like,

[18:48] ooh.

[18:48] But it's so delightful.

Stuart Wellington

[18:49] You would think the bad guys would clear all items from the room.

[18:52] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[18:52] We are only fighting him in padded rooms or sensory deprivation chambers.

Dan McCoy

[18:56] We're putting him into this clean room.

[18:58] This like decontamination Andromeda strain room.

Stuart Wellington

[19:02] But little did you know it was a holodeck all along.

[19:05] No.

Elliott Kalan

[19:06] Huh?

[19:06] Oh, so things start appearing?

Dan McCoy

[19:08] Yeah, you could probably imagine shit, right?

Elliott Kalan

[19:10] Yeah, because he's got a green lantern ring.

[19:12] That he just turns into like ladders that he can swing around.

[19:15] Or like plates that he can catch before they break.

Dan McCoy

[19:18] Yeah, a bunch of Ming vases that are falling from the ceiling.

[19:22] What, because he's Chinese, they got to be Ming vases?

[19:24] Oh, they got to.

[19:24] Oh, shit.

[19:25] Get him, Elliot.

[19:26] Thank you.

[19:26] You're welcome.

Elliott Kalan

[19:29] So the point is, he's got trouble on his hands from his daughter and from the spies.

[19:35] And his wife.

[19:36] And his wife.

[19:37] Well, his wife's out of town for a lot of it.

[19:38] She gives him the big old tomatoes, I feel like.

[19:41] The big old tomato.

S3

[19:43] She throws the big tomatoes at him, which I really loved.

[19:46] Somebody had to do it.

[19:48] No, but she was the one that, her only job for the movie was to keep walking in,

[19:52] and be like, now, look, if you mess this up, gone forever.

[19:56] That's true.

[19:57] These are the stakes.

[19:58] Goodbye.

[19:59] And the thing is, it's like.

[20:00] And then she left.

Elliott Kalan

[20:00] Yeah.

[20:01] And then he taught his daughter to ride a bike.

[20:03] And then saved her from almost getting raped in a club bathroom.

[20:06] So crazy.

Stuart Wellington

[20:07] It was a weird scene.

[20:07] And then he bodyguard carried her out of there, right?

Elliott Kalan

[20:09] Yeah.

[20:10] Yeah.

[20:10] That was dope.

[20:11] They didn't play the bodyguard song on the soundtrack, which was a mistake.

[20:14] They don't have the rights to that.

[20:15] And that sequence where his daughter said, I'm going to be at a friend's house, but she went

[20:18] out to party.

[20:19] And so he's going to find her.

[20:20] So he's using his spy techniques to track her down.

[20:23] And that could have been a really fun sequence, but it was kind of lazy.

[20:27] It's one of these things where instead of using strategy to get around people, he just shoots

[20:32] people in the foot or punches them a lot.

[20:34] And you're wondering, how is this guy just punching and shooting his way through Paris?

[20:38] Nobody seems to care or notice.

S3

[20:39] He also, with his live-in family, walked around with a gun a lot.

[20:43] He had guns out.

[20:44] And there were children in the family.

[20:46] But he had no problem just pointing at his down.

[20:48] Yeah, just waving around.

Stuart Wellington

[20:49] We get it.

[20:50] We're thankful that you let us live here.

[20:52] But can you take it easy with the guns?

[20:54] It's setting a strange message.

Elliott Kalan

[20:56] See, and the family living with him pays off when the daughter in the family gives birth

[21:02] to her baby in front of Kevin Costner.

[21:04] And of course, they hand the baby to him because as the white guy whose life is at a crossroads,

[21:09] he's the one that the resources need to be put towards.

[21:12] That baby, don't let it suck and let its mom see it too long because Kevin Costner's got

[21:16] to learn a thing or two about family.

S3

[21:18] They were like, we will give you to the white man.

Elliott Kalan

[21:20] You can be more trusted with this than us.

Dan McCoy

[21:22] He looks like he needs his faith and life restored.

[21:27] What do we have that has a lot of life force in it?

[21:29] What about my baby?

[21:30] Newborn babe.

[21:31] Oh, but your baby.

[21:32] You just gave birth to it.

Elliott Kalan

[21:33] Oh, you take.

[21:34] You take.

[21:35] It's your baby now.

[21:37] You need it more than I do.

[21:38] I already have a daughter and I don't know how to take care of her.

[21:40] Your baby, got to go.

S3

[21:41] Yeah, no.

[21:42] That should have made me mad of just like them having a live birth in the apartment.

[21:46] That was, I was telling you, my worst nightmare.

[21:49] My worst nightmare.

Elliott Kalan

[21:50] French healthcare is terrible.

[21:51] Yeah, here it's the worst.

[21:53] So Jessica, your worst nightmare is to give birth in front of Kevin Costner?

S3

[21:56] Yeah, well, the idea of giving birth already just gives me anxiety.

[22:01] Oh, it's a horrifying experience.

[22:01] My worst nightmare is to like give birth in front of my whole family in like an apartment

[22:06] and then Kevin Costner walks in and then like holds my baby for like a long time.

[22:11] And tears the baby from your hands.

Elliott Kalan

[22:13] That's my name.

[22:13] This is mine now.

Stuart Wellington

[22:14] Snuggles it to his waddle.

[22:16] I do have to wonder.

Elliott Kalan

[22:17] Which it can somehow.

[22:18] This stays here now.

[22:19] Which it somehow.

[22:20] He's just storing stolen babies in his waddle.

[22:23] He swaddles the baby with his skin.

[22:26] Did your neck just cry?

[22:27] No.

Dan McCoy

[22:29] Just give me a Dairy Queen blizzard that I ordered.

[22:32] I do have to wonder what a imaginary.

[22:37] They said Reese's Pieces.

[22:38] These are M&M's.

[22:39] Use your eyes.

Elliott Kalan

[22:41] Take it back.

[22:42] They taste almost the same.

[22:43] I can tell the difference.

[22:45] No, you can't.

[22:46] There's no way you can.

[22:47] Yes, I can.

[22:48] Sir, I'm going to have to ask you and your neck baby to leave.

[22:52] I don't have a neck baby.

[22:54] Do I have to call my manager?

[22:56] I can see it.

[22:56] It's hands reaching out from under your neck waddle.

S3

[22:59] Sir, everybody knows you have a neck baby.

Elliott Kalan

[23:02] Everybody knows.

[23:03] I paid my $2.59.

[23:05] Give me my ice cream.

[23:06] My medium blizzard.

[23:08] You got a medium.

[23:10] I want to stay healthy so I didn't get a large.

[23:13] A small is too small.

[23:14] It's still a treat.

[23:15] It's not going to satisfy me.

[23:16] Am I like six?

[23:17] Come on.

[23:18] It's still a treat.

[23:19] It's not a meal.

[23:21] It's about eating sensible portions.

Dan McCoy

[23:23] I'm going to give a couple spoonfuls to my neck baby.

[23:26] I mean, my neck.

Elliott Kalan

[23:28] I heard it.

[23:29] I heard it, sir.

[23:30] Okay, one, you're clearly feeding your baby in your neck.

[23:33] And two, that baby is not old enough to eat ice cream.

[23:36] It likes it.

[23:37] It likes it.

[23:38] It cannot handle dairy proteins at that age.

[23:42] Well, then.

[23:43] Similac.

[23:45] You make it with Similac instead of milk?

[23:48] I don't think we have the equipment to do that.

[23:48] It's too late, sir.

[23:50] I've got to go change my next diaper.

[23:51] I'll be right back.

Dan McCoy

[23:52] Do you have a creamed spinach blizzard?

[23:57] Yes, sir.

Stuart Wellington

[23:57] It's our worst-selling blizzard.

[24:01] Alongside our chopped salmon blizzard.

[24:03] Of course, there's our mashed pork blizzard.

Elliott Kalan

[24:08] Did I want your chicken blizzard?

[24:09] We have our schmaltz blizzard.

[24:11] That's very popular.

[24:13] Our wiener blizzard.

[24:15] This is Dairy Queen, right?

[24:16] That's just disgusting queen.

[24:18] We're in a spin-off of Dairy Queen that sells gross things.

[24:22] So would you like that pre-digested civet poop coffee bean blizzard or no?

[24:28] That stuff's so expensive.

[24:30] That would be the most expensive blizzard.

[24:31] It costs $100 for what?

[24:33] The medium?

[24:34] That's for the small, sir.

[24:35] It's $135 for the medium.

[24:37] Oh, it's still a pretty good deal, then.

[24:39] You get so much more civet poop.

[24:40] It's $150 for the large.

[24:42] And I get more than 50% more ice cream, right?

[24:44] I can't afford not to get the large, okay?

[24:47] The baby in my neck is going to love this.

S3

[24:50] Sir, a baby in your neck, see?

[24:52] And that's when he gets run out.

Elliott Kalan

[24:53] Yeah, it's kind of like he has a waddle-quaddo.

[24:57] A little quaddo that loses his waddle.

Stuart Wellington

[24:59] Because quaddo was a baby is what we're saying.

Elliott Kalan

[25:01] He didn't look like a grown man, did he?

Stuart Wellington

[25:04] So wait, he was born after the original guy was born?

Elliott Kalan

[25:07] Clearly that guy was giving birth through C-section.

[25:09] The baby got stuck, and he just grew up and became a quaddo.

[25:12] That was the worst superhero origin story I've ever heard.

[25:15] The adventures of super stuck baby?

[25:17] Yeah.

S3

[25:20] It's also, though, like, not that far off from Athena, maybe, right?

Elliott Kalan

[25:23] Yeah, I mean, she sprang fully formed from the brow of Zeus.

[25:26] Yeah.

[25:26] If she got stuck, she'd just be a headquaddo.

[25:30] Quade, the people need air.

[25:32] Also, I'm the goddess of knowledge and victory in my form of Nikes.

[25:37] Also, go to Athens.

[25:40] This was the city I'm the patron god of.

[25:43] So, what else happened?

[25:46] So anyway, so it all comes to a head.

[25:48] Let's just skip straight through it.

[25:49] It all comes to a head at prom night, where it turns out that Kevin Costner's daughter's

[25:55] boyfriend's husband's business partner is the wolf, and he's, for some reason, going to prom

[26:00] with them.

[26:01] That's what business partners do, dude.

[26:02] So not only in France do the parents go to prom, as well as the kids, but the parents'

[26:07] business partners are also invited.

[26:08] And this French prom is jumping.

[26:11] Ballin'.

[26:11] Yeah, it is a club.

Stuart Wellington

[26:12] That's what kids say, right?

[26:13] Jumpin' and ballin'.

S3

[26:15] As a youngish person, I guess, yeah, we still say that.

[26:18] You'll allow it?

[26:19] It sounds different when you do it.

[26:20] I'll allow it.

[26:20] Sure.

[26:21] How would you say it?

[26:22] It was just, it was like, just...

[26:25] Was it live?

[26:25] Turned up.

[26:26] It was turned up, is what the phrase is.

[26:27] Turned up.

[26:28] Yeah.

[26:28] Turned, with a T.

[26:29] Turned.

[26:29] With a T.

[26:30] Turned top?

[26:31] Turned up.

[26:32] Like, turned up.

Elliott Kalan

[26:33] I thought it was a turn top, like Carrot Top's brother, Turn Top.

S3

[26:35] I mean, that's not that crazy where we look, like, I mean, is it that crazy, you know?

Elliott Kalan

[26:40] No, it's not that weird.

[26:40] It's not that weird.

S3

[26:41] But it was very turned up.

[26:43] There was, like, probably drugs being used.

[26:45] Almost certainly.

Elliott Kalan

[26:45] There was a special make-out room that the daughter went to with her boyfriend, and...

[26:49] And made out.

[26:50] I assume they kind of disappeared from the movie after their big shootout started.

[26:54] So they're probably still having sex in that room, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[26:57] I mean...

[26:58] It's prom night.

[26:58] He seemed like a nice guy.

[27:00] He did seem like a nice guy.

[27:00] He scores goals in his soccer games.

Dan McCoy

[27:03] It's not his fault he's loosely related to that wolf guy, sort of.

Elliott Kalan

[27:08] Or loosely based on a historical figure.

[27:10] Stephen Douglas, former senator.

[27:12] Sure.

[27:14] All right.

[27:14] If he was a nervous French teen.

[27:17] But, uh, so there's a big...

[27:18] So a giant shootout begins in this prom.

[27:20] And she notices Kevin Costner is tracking the wolf with his eyes.

[27:23] And she says, you're still working, aren't you?

[27:25] And now this is after he hasn't revealed to his daughter what he does for a living.

[27:29] She thinks he might have another family.

[27:31] That's a secret.

[27:31] He doesn't love her.

[27:33] But he teaches her how to ride a bike and how to dance.

[27:35] And they patch it up.

[27:36] And there's a big shootout at the prom.

[27:40] And it ends with...

[27:42] I forgot there was that whole car chase earlier where the albino...

[27:46] This is...

[27:47] Okay.

[27:47] Let's take a flashback.

[27:48] The albino who is the main henchman and frankly...

[27:51] Who's bald, by the way.

[27:52] He looks like a snake man.

[27:53] Frankly, if he wasn't bald, he could just pass for a normal guy.

[27:56] He's not that albino.

[27:57] Yeah.

[27:57] But his big thing, the way he likes to kill people, is by putting them in front of things

[28:01] that are moving so their heads get chopped off.

S3

[28:03] It's very elaborate and very specific.

Elliott Kalan

[28:05] And they have to be kind of slow-moving things.

[28:07] So in the first scene, he kills an American agent disguised as a hotel maid by sliding

[28:14] her into an elevator shaft and just letting an elevator hit her off.

[28:16] That's right.

[28:17] The old gangster squad elevator attack.

[28:19] Whereas James Brolin...

[28:21] Or Josh Brolin.

[28:22] Not James Brolin.

[28:22] Josh Brolin...

[28:23] That would have been great if it was James Brolin.

[28:24] Oh, boy.

[28:25] He rightfully just used that to cut a guy's hand off.

[28:28] This was to cut a woman's head off.

[28:30] And so he wants to do the same thing with Kevin Costner with a Paris metro train.

[28:35] And Kevin Costner is hallucinating.

[28:37] He's tripping balls on this cancer medicine.

[28:40] But he gets his mojo back and instead throws the albino in front of the train.

[28:44] So anyway...

[28:44] How ironic.

[28:46] The very train he was going to kill the other day with.

[28:48] It's like rain on the albino's wedding day.

[28:50] A free ride with the albino already paid.

Stuart Wellington

[28:53] It was the train he was going to marry someday.

[28:55] Yeah.

[28:56] Do you think he has the nickname the albino as a double blind?

[28:58] So that people are looking for an actual albino.

[29:01] They don't think he's the albino.

S3

[29:02] They should have called him the tan man.

[29:04] Yeah.

[29:04] And then no one would...

[29:05] And also the bald man.

[29:06] He's a man with no hair.

[29:07] Or maybe a light alopecia.

[29:08] Maybe his eyebrows, right?

[29:09] Or like Frank.

Elliott Kalan

[29:10] Or like Ronnie.

[29:11] Like a name that doesn't call attention to itself.

Dan McCoy

[29:12] I feel like in crime movies, like people should just get rid of all albinos.

[29:16] Because there's never a good albino in a crime movie.

[29:18] They're always evil and they get killed.

[29:20] Power.

Elliott Kalan

[29:21] There's powder.

[29:22] That was a crime movie.

[29:23] Yeah.

[29:24] It was a crime that that movie didn't get a bigger box office.

[29:26] And also the director was a pedophile.

[29:28] So that was a crime too.

S3

[29:29] Wasn't there a really great albino villain in the Matrix?

[29:32] Yeah, there's those two brothers with the dreadlocks.

[29:34] Yeah.

[29:35] They were werewolves somehow.

Dan McCoy

[29:36] Yeah.

[29:37] They were vampires.

Elliott Kalan

[29:38] Oh, they were vampires.

Dan McCoy

[29:39] There's that albino in that Farrelly Brothers movie that turned out to be a good guy.

[29:43] What was that?

[29:44] Was that something about Mary?

[29:46] Was that me, myself, and Irene?

[29:47] Something about me, myself, and Mary and Irene.

Elliott Kalan

[29:49] Yeah.

[29:50] Yeah.

[29:50] It was something about Bob and Carol and Ted and Allison, me, myself, and Irene.

[29:53] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[29:54] And let's talk about Kevin.

Elliott Kalan

[29:56] We need to talk about Kevin.

[29:57] Let's talk about Bob and Carol and Ted and Allison.

[29:58] Kevin, rise to the planet of the apes.

[30:01] No, so the point is there's a big shootout.

[30:04] Kevin Costner again has a drug attack where he's hallucinating.

Stuart Wellington

[30:07] Why do they rely on this guy?

Elliott Kalan

[30:10] That's the big question.

[30:11] That's the weird thing.

[30:11] Like, why is...

Stuart Wellington

[30:12] That's the big question.

[30:12] He's all tripping balls on the juice.

[30:14] He's dying.

Elliott Kalan

[30:15] Amber Heard seems to be very good at killing people on her own.

[30:17] So why does she need a sick guy?

Dan McCoy

[30:19] You need this fucking sick, like, three days away from dying guy.

[30:24] I like to think she's not that great at killing people.

Stuart Wellington

[30:26] Because the only people she kills are either lying on the ground or tied up to a chair.

[30:30] Yeah.

[30:31] That's true.

Elliott Kalan

[30:32] But it's like, it's never established in the movie what makes him so amazing that only

[30:37] he can pull this job off.

Dan McCoy

[30:38] You're the best at what you do.

[30:40] And what you do is coughing a lot before you almost accidentally kill the guy you're trying

[30:44] to kill.

Elliott Kalan

[30:46] Yeah.

[30:46] What I do isn't pretty because of the neck waddles.

[30:49] Yeah.

[30:49] But the scarf covers it up, right?

[30:51] Yeah.

[30:51] You mean that...

[30:52] Mostly.

[30:52] That, like, tissue-thin scarf loosely draped around your neck?

[30:56] Yeah.

[30:57] But you can't see anything, right?

[30:58] I can see everything through it.

[30:59] It is...

[31:01] Why did you order the sheerest scarf imaginable?

[31:04] Should I just draped saran wrap?

[31:06] It was on Prime.

[31:07] It was Amazon Prime.

[31:08] I had to do it.

[31:09] I bought it so I could get to the free shipping level.

[31:11] It's more like a cloth necklace.

[31:15] It's like a toilet paper necklace.

[31:19] So, uh...

[31:20] So, there's a big shootout that ends in the riveting scene of a wounded the wolf and a wounded

[31:25] Kevin Costner just kind of gasping and trying to crawl towards a gun on the ground.

[31:30] Very suspenseful in that we don't care what's going to happen.

[31:33] As I said to you guys at the time, we're watching a character we have no sympathy for whatsoever

[31:38] end the villain.

[31:39] Boom!

[31:40] Boom!

[31:41] Roasted.

[31:42] Boom!

Elliott Kalan

[31:42] Salad.

[31:42] Misdirected.

[31:43] Take that, Ethan Renner.

[31:47] And...

Stuart Wellington

[31:47] So, luckily, at the last minute, Amber shows up and shoots the skeleton-faced bad guy.

[31:52] Yeah.

[31:53] And then I guess that's...

[31:54] Proving yet again that she could have done it from the beginning.

Elliott Kalan

[31:56] Like, only he was really skeleton-faced.

[31:58] And I don't mean, like, the red skull.

[31:59] I mean, like, his face is a little skeleton.

[32:02] Like a full skeleton?

[32:03] Well, like a Grim Van Dingo.

[32:05] Not like Grim Van Dingo.

[32:06] But, like, on his neck, there's a full skeleton.

[32:07] Yes, there's, like, the feet start at his neck and go all the way up to his skull.

[32:11] But it's little.

[32:13] And he talks, and the ribs move when he talks.

[32:16] Oh, that's good.

[32:17] Kind of like in the Sledgehammer video when Peter Gabriel's face is made out of fruit.

Stuart Wellington

[32:22] There was a bad guy in a Warhammer Fantasy role-playing game whose head was a little guy who jumped off and ran around.

[32:31] What happened to the body when the head was running around?

[32:33] Yeah, it was pretty exciting.

[32:34] You had to kill the little guy first.

[32:36] But what happened to the body?

[32:37] I think it died if the little guy died.

[32:39] Oh, okay.

Dan McCoy

[32:40] I'll have to go check my source books.

[32:42] But when he was running around, he just, like, took a...

[32:45] I mean, he kind of sat around.

Stuart Wellington

[32:46] I think the little guy killed guys, and it was supposed to be, like, a murder mystery or something.

Elliott Kalan

[32:50] You're not telling us what happens with the body when the little guy jumps out.

[32:53] I think he just chilled out.

[32:54] He was amusing.

[32:55] The body is jacking up.

[32:55] Does it fall in the house?

[32:56] I mean, I guess he's jacking out now.

[32:58] Why would he be doing that?

[33:00] Sorry, my default setting for my body is masturbate.

[33:03] I'm not Vin Diesel.

[33:04] I don't know everything about role-playing games.

[33:06] Good point.

[33:08] So you're not Vin Diesel, the artist.

[33:12] So Kevin Costner, the day is saved.

[33:15] The wolf has been killed, danced with, if you will, a dance of death.

[33:19] What would you call that?

[33:20] Like a toad-tonson?

[33:21] Yeah, toad-tonson works.

[33:23] So then they retire to a house on the beach, and Kevin Costner's just dedicating himself

[33:29] to getting back in touch with his daughter again.

Stuart Wellington

[33:31] Giving her advice on how to skip rocks.

Elliott Kalan

[33:34] Yeah, and how to go to school, I guess.

[33:37] She's not going to school.

[33:37] She's just hanging out, skipping stands.

[33:38] I guess prom happens.

[33:39] The year is over.

[33:40] It's the summer.

[33:41] And she's going to rock skipping camp.

[33:44] And Amber Heard drives up, and she sent him a package, and it's another vial of the serum.

[33:50] So I guess he's cured now?

S3

[33:52] I have a question.

[33:53] Yeah.

[33:53] Was that the last serum he needed to live?

Elliott Kalan

[33:55] I assume so, or else it's a cruel joke.

[33:57] Right.

[33:58] Like, she's just going to keep...

Stuart Wellington

[33:59] Or maybe she's just stringing him along.

[34:00] She likes to watch the puppet dance.

Dan McCoy

[34:02] I've got another job for you.

[34:04] Four days to kill.

[34:07] So, all right.

[34:08] That's better than 32 days to kill.

[34:10] Let's move on to...

[34:11] Because you had two to live.

[34:13] Sure.

[34:14] Wait.

[34:15] Three...

Stuart Wellington

[34:15] Three point one days to kill?

[34:18] 2.0.

Dan McCoy

[34:19] So let's go to final judgments.

[34:21] Final judgments, where we decide whether this is a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie, or

[34:26] a movie you kind of liked.

[34:27] Elliot, what do you have to say?

[34:29] Where do you fall down on this?

Elliott Kalan

[34:31] I think it was...

[34:34] You know what?

[34:34] I'm going to be generous to it, because there were things that I liked about it that I didn't

[34:39] like the movie enough to call the movie I kind of liked, so I'm going to say good, bad,

[34:42] in that you're not going to...

[34:44] It's not exciting or interesting, but again, I'm going to give it my coveted.

[34:48] If it's Saturday afternoon, you're sick, and there's nothing else on TV, go ahead and

[34:52] watch Three Days to Kill.

[34:54] All right.

[34:55] If you're tired of having every other movie that ever existed at your fingertips, watch

[35:00] Three Days to Kill.

Dan McCoy

[35:01] Jess, I know you're new to our...

[35:02] One of the grades, yeah.

[35:03] ...our scheme.

[35:05] It's good, bad, a movie that is so bad it's good, if you will.

[35:11] And they're spookily scarifying.

[35:12] There's bad, bad, a movie that has no value in entertainment terms, or a movie you kind

[35:19] of liked, which I think is self-explanatory.

Elliott Kalan

[35:23] And what did you do, good, bad?

[35:24] No, I said good, bad, yeah.

[35:25] Which was being generous.

[35:26] Which is super charitable.

S3

[35:28] It was, dude, because I'm going to go bad, bad.

[35:29] I was like, not having a good time.

[35:32] You guys were fine, but you guys weren't enough to carry the movie.

[35:35] Thanks.

[35:35] Wow.

[35:36] Is that our job now?

[35:38] I mean, you said I would come and hang out, do the...

Stuart Wellington

[35:40] It was a long walk over to Dan's house.

[35:42] It took a lot out of me.

S3

[35:44] No, no, no.

[35:45] Honestly, I think it was just bad, bad.

[35:47] It is a bad movie.

[35:47] I do like the person who co-wrote it, but it was like not...

[35:52] Luc Besson.

[35:53] Luc Besson, I do love him.

[35:54] Luc Besson.

[35:55] Luc Besson.

[35:57] Look at my Bessons.

[35:59] I love him a lot.

[36:00] No, it was just, it was like bad, bad.

[36:02] I wouldn't even recommend you watch it on a sick day.

[36:04] Just watch like something tighter than that.

Stuart Wellington

[36:06] I mean, you made a good point when we were watching it, Elliot, is that Luc Besson seems to be focused so much on producing and writing things when he seems to have a better grasp of the stuff that he's writing when he directs it.

[36:17] Like, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[36:18] If he directed this movie, I feel like he would have been able to work out the problems in the script while he's making it.

[36:23] And he'd be able to carry that tone a lot better than McG.

Stuart Wellington

[36:26] Capture the silly and serious, which seems to permeate.

[36:30] Yeah.

[36:31] Which is great at.

Elliott Kalan

[36:32] Who, I'm just going to reveal it, is former presidential candidate George McGovern.

[36:35] Wow.

[36:36] He's been directing movies under the name McG for a long time.

[36:38] Ever since he lost the 72 election.

[36:41] I didn't know that.

Dan McCoy

[36:41] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[36:42] Did he direct Tork?

[36:43] All right.

[36:43] Was Tork a McG?

[36:45] I'm just going to quickly say, I agree.

[36:47] Dan, answer McMahon's question.

[36:48] It's a bad, bad movie.

[36:49] Was Tork a McG?

Elliott Kalan

[36:50] It's a bad, bad movie.

[36:53] That's the thing that, like, if you said that to an old person, they would be like, was Tork a McG?

[36:59] They'd think they were having, like, a stroke.

Dan McCoy

[37:04] I just, like, I'm tempted to like it just because it goes off in 50 different directions, and that's kind of crazy.

[37:11] But, ultimately, I was too bored.

[37:14] Stu, what do you have to say?

Stuart Wellington

[37:15] Yeah, I'm going to back you up.

[37:16] I think it's bad, bad.

[37:17] I feel like it's a movie that tries to do a twist on the, like, the secret Asian genre or whatever.

[37:25] The secret Asian genre?

[37:26] The secret Asian drama, which I guess is like.

[37:28] Which is a ninja.

[37:28] That's basically what it is.

[37:30] It's a ninja drama.

[37:31] I thought it was an Asian actor.

Dan McCoy

[37:32] It's the Asian version of the human stain.

[37:34] It's the secret Asian.

Elliott Kalan

[37:36] So Anthony Hopkins plays this character, too?

Stuart Wellington

[37:39] But they take all these different spins or twists on the premise, but they've all been done before, and it just doesn't work.

Dan McCoy

[37:50] Like a spin city, if you will.

Stuart Wellington

[37:52] It is, like, and the city is Paris, France.

Elliott Kalan

[37:54] In the original spin city.

[37:55] Yeah, Paris.

[37:56] Because that Eiffel Tower is always spinning.

Dan McCoy

[37:58] Okay.

[37:59] Well, before we move on.

[38:00] Is that true?

[38:01] Nope.

[38:02] Before we move on to letters, just a quick word from our sponsor.

[38:06] I just want to note that this episode is brought to you by Squarespace.

[38:10] Thanks.

[38:10] The all-in-one platform, making it fast and easy to create your own professional website, portfolio, and or online store.

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[38:27] Now look, we all like the internet.

[38:30] I love it.

[38:31] Why don't, like, why don't you want to be a part of that, man?

[38:34] Why don't you get off the couch and get on the field of the internet?

[38:40] I thought you were going to say get on the web.

[38:41] Get on the web.

Elliott Kalan

[38:42] Which you can do from the couch.

Dan McCoy

[38:44] Yeah.

[38:45] Just dial up your Squarespace and get your own website.

Elliott Kalan

[38:49] Look, let's face it.

[38:50] We are losing the battle of pornography with the internet.

[38:53] Mm-hmm.

[38:53] Yeah.

[38:53] The internet, pornography gains more territory every day.

[38:56] So you need to start a website for yourself that is not pornography.

[39:01] Or start a website.

[39:03] You know, who's to judge?

[39:03] Who's to judge?

[39:04] Go to Squarespace.

[39:05] Whatever you're into.

[39:06] Start your pornography website and then go for it.

[39:08] Neckwaddles.com.

[39:10] With all those Kevin Costner paparazzi shots when he wasn't wearing underwear on his neck.

Dan McCoy

[39:14] Mm-hmm.

[39:14] Here's the thing.

[39:15] Kevin Costner stuffing a baby in his neck.

[39:18] Squarespace makes it simple and easy with beautiful designs, drag-and-drop content,

[39:24] and 24-7 tech support through live chat and email.

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[39:36] you sign up for a year.

[39:37] And it's got responsive design, so you can have a website that looks great on a phone or

[39:43] a tablet.

Elliott Kalan

[39:44] The only excuse you have for not taking advantage of this offer and starting a website is if

[39:48] you are Amish.

[39:49] And you are overhearing this through the open window of a car that is driving by your buggy

[39:54] on the street.

Stuart Wellington

[39:55] If you can hear it at all because the person driving that car is cracking up at all the

[39:59] hilarious jokes we're making.

Elliott Kalan

[40:00] You can hear over there laughter and you're saying, hmm, that's a sinful amount of laughter.

[40:04] But I'm intrigued.

[40:05] The next Rum Springer, I hope we only get one, but the next Rum Springer, I'll listen to this Flophouse.

[40:11] He's 14.

[40:11] Don't look up the Flophouse.

[40:13] That's not the name.

[40:13] You misheard it.

[40:14] It's Flophouse.

[40:15] Okay, Jedediah.

[40:17] Silly Amish guy.

[40:18] Tricks are for kids.

Dan McCoy

[40:19] But anyway, why not start a trial with no credit card required?

Elliott Kalan

[40:23] No, it's a commercial on television.

[40:26] I'll forget it, Amish guy.

Dan McCoy

[40:27] Start building your website today.

[40:29] When you decide to sign up for Squarespace, make sure to use the offer code FLOPHOUSE to

[40:34] get 10% off your first purchase and to show your support for the Flophouse.

[40:39] Thank you, Squarespace, for supporting us.

[40:41] And please, check them out online at Squarespace.com.

Elliott Kalan

[40:49] On Squarespace.com, which is nonsense.

[40:52] We'll take you to a 404 forbidden screen, or perhaps it'll be one of those screens where

[40:57] it's like, this URL is available.

[40:59] Do you want to rent it?

[41:00] Don't.

[41:00] Go to Squarespace.com, get a URL through that.

Stuart Wellington

[41:02] Or some like canny web developer has set up a porn site already under Squarespace.

S3

[41:09] Yeah, there's a domain owner that owns Squarespace that is telling his wife, see, it was worth the

[41:15] purchase.

Elliott Kalan

[41:17] Squarespace.

[41:18] Your place for the square-st-splaces.

[41:21] Or it's your place for squares.

[41:24] So Dan, what's this next segment?

Dan McCoy

[41:26] The next segment is letters from listeners.

[41:28] This first letter.

[41:30] Listen out.

[41:31] Oh, God.

Elliott Kalan

[41:31] What are you here?

[41:32] It's a letter calling to you.

[41:35] A letter from you that is calling to you saying, mail me.

[41:39] Mail me to the Flophouse.

[41:41] They can't read it if you don't mail me.

[41:44] So mail me right now.

[41:46] What are you waiting for?

[41:47] I know it's 2.30 a.m.

[41:49] Break into the post office.

[41:51] Put a stamp on me and put me in a bag.

[41:53] Then steal that guy's uniform.

[41:55] Kill him if you have to.

[41:56] Deliver me directly to the house.

[41:59] If you don't know the address, look it up in a directory.

Stuart Wellington

[42:05] You didn't say your address, though.

[42:07] That's pretty good.

Elliott Kalan

[42:08] And the address is...

[42:09] No, don't do that.

[42:10] Dan McCoy.

[42:11] Care of the Flophouse.

[42:13] 129 Flophouse Street.

[42:14] Flop USA.

[42:16] Earth.

[42:17] Wait, what?

[42:19] That's the zip code?

[42:20] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[42:21] So, anyway.

[42:23] I'm waiting.

Elliott Kalan

[42:24] I'm a letter that's waiting in the mail slot.

[42:27] When will they read me?

[42:28] Will they read me now?

[42:30] Or will they read me next?

[42:31] Will they read me last?

[42:33] Won't they read me at all?

[42:34] It's time for them to read me what's taking so long.

[42:37] Elliot, stop the song.

[42:39] It's time to read me along at the Flophouse.

[42:44] With letters from the Flophouse.

[42:46] For the Flophouse.

[42:48] To the Flophouse.

[42:49] Of the Flophouse.

[42:51] By the Flophouse.

[42:52] Shall not perish from the earth.

[42:54] All right.

Dan McCoy

[42:55] So, this first letter is from Caroline Lastname withheld.

[42:58] In the city.

[42:58] That was a long one.

[42:59] Like this.

[43:00] I'm a long-time fan who's never written until now,

[43:02] and it's only because I rarely miss an opportunity to be pedantic about classics.

[43:07] During the Star Wars episode, Elliot said he believed it was the Roman lawyer and politician Cicero

[43:12] who overcame a stutter by training himself to speak clearly with pebbles in his mouth.

[43:16] He didn't say, I dare you to contradict me, classics nerds,

[43:19] but I must gently correct the usually infalible Mr. Kalin.

[43:24] This is an anecdote about the Greek orator Demosthenes,

[43:28] whose speech impediment is usually described as a stutter,

[43:33] but actually had the symptoms of cluttering like Winston Churchill

[43:35] and or rotasticism like Jonathan Ross.

[43:39] So he was a hoarder?

[43:40] Cluttering?

[43:40] No one with a speech impediment should actually try this technique,

[43:45] because even though small objects didn't come with choking hazard labels and democities.

Elliott Kalan

[43:50] They didn't come with choking hazard lasers,

[43:52] which I guess is a laser you plant someone's throat if they're choking to burn it open

[43:55] so the thing can fall out.

Dan McCoy

[43:56] I'll put some marbles in my mouth.

[43:59] No, put marbles in your name.

[44:00] Dan Marbles McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[44:01] Actually, that sounds amazing.

[44:03] He sounds like a 20s villain.

[44:05] Yeah, he said, you're a gangster now.

[44:06] Marbles McCoy.

[44:07] Hey, she ain't Dick Tracy.

[44:08] Yeah, play with the marbles, you might get burned.

[44:11] That doesn't make sense.

[44:13] Why would you get burned by marbles?

[44:15] If you were matches McCoy, that would make sense.

Dan McCoy

[44:17] We're going to move on to the next paragraph.

[44:18] As for the rest of the podcast,

[44:20] I didn't think anything new could be contributed to the now 14-year tradition of commentaries

[44:25] about how much the prequels sucked compared to the originals,

[44:27] but I was wrong.

[44:29] You guys were consistently funny where so many reviewers have descended into hyperbole

[44:33] and merely listing the beats of the plot in a disgusted voice.

[44:37] You stood out from the herd like a shot of a character the audience actually cares about,

[44:41] contrasted with one of the many computer-generated crowds

[44:43] cluttering the background of these damn prequels.

[44:46] Caroline, last name withheld.

[44:48] In the city.

[44:49] Yeah.

[44:51] Well, thank you for writing.

[44:52] Thank you for writing and for the praise.

[44:53] We were pretty great talking about Star Wars.

Elliott Kalan

[44:55] And for the correction, I will remember that it was Demosthenes until probably tomorrow.

[45:00] That's a...

[45:00] And I'm like, yeah, that thing Cicero did.

Stuart Wellington

[45:03] Small victory.

[45:04] Does he push kids around the playground?

[45:06] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[45:06] Can I make a small plug for a different podcast?

[45:09] The Cicero podcast?

[45:10] Yeah, Cicipod.

[45:11] It's the Cicahouse.

[45:12] No, just that I've been re-listening to a lot of Star Wars Minute episodes,

[45:16] and I want to recommend that to any Star Wars fans listening.

[45:18] Sure.

[45:19] Great show.

Dan McCoy

[45:19] Great podcast.

[45:20] Especially when we're on.

[45:21] Anyway, greetings, esteemed floppers.

[45:23] I recently had a somewhat confusing movie experience and was wondering if you could help me.

Elliott Kalan

[45:28] It's called Last Year at Marion Bay.

Dan McCoy

[45:30] My problem is this.

[45:32] Last night, I watched the Twin Peaks slash Fire Walk With Me prequel Sleep Walk With Me

[45:36] starring Mike Birbiglia.

[45:38] I kept on waiting for the big reveal wherein it was disclosed that Mike was the host of

[45:42] an alien parasite and that during his sleepwalking episodes, he was engaging in an alien feud

[45:47] spree of violent sexual deviance.

[45:49] But though I watched an entire movie, it never came.

[45:52] Additionally, there was nary a mention of Twin Peaks or the entity known as Bob.

[45:56] An added element of surreality was that the tone and atmosphere could not have been more

[46:10] different than other members of the franchise.

[46:13] At first, I was really frustrated that yet again many Twin Peaks questions had been left

[46:17] unanswered.

[46:17] However, the more I thought about it, it became clear that the director was doing a really thorough

[46:21] job of setting the table for an upcoming movie to take place chronologically after Sleep Walk

[46:26] with me and before Fire Walk with me.

[46:27] You know that Black Lodge has been on the market for a long time?

Elliott Kalan

[46:30] We just can't flip this place.

[46:32] The big revelation.

[46:33] We bought the place.

[46:34] We removed all the backwards talking midgets.

[46:36] We thought they would do it.

[46:37] It's right across the street from the White Lodge.

[46:39] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[46:40] We took up all that red and black linoleum and put in just some shag carpet.

Elliott Kalan

[46:45] The linoleum was right over hardwood floors.

[46:47] Why would they cover that up?

Dan McCoy

[46:48] The big revelation of Mike's depravity was going to be incredibly powerful now that a whole

[46:52] movie was built him up as an earnest, fundamentally nice guy pursuing his dream.

[46:56] Immediately, I started daydreaming about casting the most important role.

[47:00] Obviously, a young Bob.

[47:01] A number of names flitted across the gaze of my mind's eye.

[47:04] James Franco, Taylor Lautner, etc.

[47:07] Then, with the force of a St. Bernard pouncing on Charles Grodin, it struck me.

[47:11] Beethoven?

[47:12] This is the Dan McCoy vehicle America's been begging for.

[47:16] Only Pervozoid No. 1 has the strategic reserves of Perv to do this role justice.

Elliott Kalan

[47:20] I like the idea that it's the story of how Bob went from just ogling other men's wives'

[47:25] butts to possessing people and raping their daughters.

[47:28] Oh, boy.

[47:29] And murdering them.

[47:30] What do you think, Dan?

[47:30] Is this something you would consider?

[47:32] Comedy podcast.

Dan McCoy

[47:32] Blames David Lynch, buddy.

[47:34] I didn't write Twin Peaks.

[47:35] With a handful of TV acting credits under your belt, I know you must be casting about for

[47:39] a breakout role.

[47:41] Don't forget, the Twin Peaks franchise did much to launch the star of David Duchovny,

[47:44] a star which continues to shine benevolently upon us to this day.

[47:49] Please consider it.

[47:50] Best regards, Ryan, last name with hell.

Elliott Kalan

[47:52] That was very funny, but I want to correct a misconception.

[47:54] Sleepwalk With Me is not a prequel to Firewalk With Me.

[47:56] It is a prequel to Inland Empire.

[47:58] Oh, okay.

[47:59] A different David Lynch movie.

Stuart Wellington

[48:00] So, Jessica, you'll see a trend here.

[48:02] Dan reads letters that are Dan-centric.

Elliott Kalan

[48:04] Yeah, okay.

Dan McCoy

[48:05] The first one was about how Elliot was wrong about it.

Elliott Kalan

[48:07] You're right.

[48:07] Yeah, you read one about how I was wrong and you read one about how you should be a movie

[48:11] star.

[48:11] Oh, it's weird that you misspoke that he wrote that letter.

[48:13] Yeah, interesting.

[48:14] Wait a minute.

[48:14] Yeah.

[48:15] Perhaps my misspeaking has led us to a real truth.

Dan McCoy

[48:18] That's right.

[48:19] I read one about how I should be a movie star playing a force of evil.

Elliott Kalan

[48:25] Yeah, but you're playing him before he becomes a force of evil.

[48:28] You're like Anakin.

[48:29] He's saying you're the Hayden Christensen of the Twin Peaks franchise.

[48:32] He's great.

Dan McCoy

[48:33] Well, I'll start Shattered Glass and then not do anything else.

Elliott Kalan

[48:36] Or maybe you're the Jake Lloyd of the program.

[48:37] Sure.

[48:38] Now this is pod racing.

[48:39] My life will be ruined by it.

Dan McCoy

[48:40] That's what you're saying.

Elliott Kalan

[48:42] Yeah, because he had a lot of potential.

[48:43] Okay.

[48:44] Well, anyway.

[48:45] Jake Lloyd's son of Christopher Lloyd, of course.

Dan McCoy

[48:48] Thank you for that letter.

[48:48] Moving on.

[48:49] He's what?

[48:51] Moving on.

[48:52] Any updates on Elliot's kick-started three-part documentary,

[48:56] Scatting with a Cat, Opposites Attract and Attracting Opposites?

[48:58] We have yet to reach our goal.

[49:00] I ask because at a recent trivia night in Brooklyn,

[49:03] hosted by Elliot's nemesis, John Hodgman,

[49:06] he expressed surprise and disbelief when an audience member informed him

[49:10] that MC Scat Cat was fully one-half Romany Malco.

[49:14] Poor Shane.

[49:15] Clearly he is not the brainiac he holds himself out to be.

[49:18] Please do, Mr. Hodgman and the world at the service,

[49:21] and release your sketchumentary as soon as possible.

[49:24] Also, why does Flintheart Glomgold have a Scottish accent

[49:27] if he's from South Africa?

[49:28] Shouldn't he have some sort of boorish reflection?

[49:31] Sincerely, Romany last name withheld.

[49:33] So is Romany Malco?

[49:36] Well, I asked you your Flintheart Glomgold question.

Stuart Wellington

[49:39] I mean, look at Sean Connery in Highlander.

[49:42] He has a Scottish accent and he's from Egypt.

Elliott Kalan

[49:45] Or Sean Connery in The Untouchables.

[49:47] He's from Chicago and he has a Scottish accent.

[49:49] But also, you...

[49:51] He's from Connery in Robin and Marion.

Dan McCoy

[49:52] He's Robin Hood and he has a Scottish accent.

[49:54] If you look at the first appearance of Flint...

[49:57] That's not really an Outland.

Elliott Kalan

[49:57] He's in outer space and he has a Scottish accent.

Dan McCoy

[50:00] If you look at the first appearance of Flintheart Glomgold

[50:02] in Karl Barks' The Second Richest Duck,

[50:05] you see that he's wearing...

[50:06] He prepared for this one.

[50:07] ...wearing a Scottish hat.

[50:09] So one can only assume that Flintheart Glomgold

[50:11] while living in South Africa...

[50:13] I mean, Glomgold is a Scottish name.

[50:14] Yeah, he's an expatriate.

Elliott Kalan

[50:16] I assume that he is a Scottish guy who is unhappy

[50:20] that there was not enough racism in Scotland

[50:21] that soon moved to South Africa.

Dan McCoy

[50:22] He went there to exploit whatever he could.

Elliott Kalan

[50:26] Because he is the eviler of the two greedy plutocrat ducks.

[50:30] Yep.

[50:31] He said,

[50:32] How do we make a hero out of a character

[50:34] whose main characteristic is greed?

[50:36] I guess we'll make the other guy a racist.

[50:39] A racist duck.

[50:42] He really hates swans, I guess?

[50:43] He hates beagles.

[50:44] Beagle boys?

[50:44] Oh, okay.

[50:45] Yeah, the beagles are clearly the oppressed minority.

[50:47] Yeah.

[50:48] Okay.

[50:49] Do you know the ratio of beagles in jail to ducks in jail?

[50:52] It's appalling.

[50:54] Juries are ten times as likely to send a beagle to jail

[50:57] than a duck.

Stuart Wellington

[50:57] Well, they're doing it because it's just a lot easier

[50:59] to feed a bunch of beagles than beagles and ducks.

[51:04] You know, if you only have to feed one animal...

[51:07] Because ducks don't eat beagle food.

Elliott Kalan

[51:09] They eat bread.

[51:09] All you need is kibble and bread.

Stuart Wellington

[51:11] Well, it's a lot cheaper to just serve kibble

[51:14] and not kibble and bread.

Dan McCoy

[51:14] Bread is incredibly cheap.

[51:16] Yeah.

[51:17] You can get stale bread, too.

Elliott Kalan

[51:18] Yeah, it doesn't have to be good bread.

[51:19] They're ducks.

[51:20] They're idiots.

[51:20] They don't know.

[51:21] They're too busy chasing the almighty dollar

[51:23] to notice how they're...

[51:24] They're criminal ducks.

[51:25] My beagle racism is...

[51:27] Look, you've got to get...

[51:28] I'm going to introduce you to some beagles

[51:30] that are going to change your mind.

[51:31] Turn you around on things.

[51:32] Scare me straight?

[51:34] Yeah, they're going to scare you beagally.

Dan McCoy

[51:37] All right.

[51:38] So, we've got one last letter for the evening.

[51:41] It starts out,

[51:42] I love you all,

[51:43] especially Dan,

[51:45] but you're ruining my life.

[51:46] Can I veto this letter?

[51:48] Can I use my...

[51:50] Hear ye, hear ye.

Elliott Kalan

[51:51] Can I be the Soviet Union

Dan McCoy

[51:52] on the Security Council

[51:53] and just veto this?

[51:53] It's barely about me.

Elliott Kalan

[51:54] Can I be the Russian judge

Dan McCoy

[51:55] who gives a zero to this routine?

[51:57] After repeated recommendations

[51:58] from my friend Cal,

[51:59] I finally got around

[52:00] to listening to you all...

[52:01] Cal L. Superman.

[52:02] Sure.

[52:03] Or Cal Penn.

[52:04] Or Cal L. Penn,

[52:05] who is Superman

[52:06] in the White Castle movie.

[52:07] I finally got around

[52:08] to listening to you

[52:08] while on holiday this year.

[52:10] This led to the unedifying sight

[52:12] of my white

[52:13] and not-so-tight

[52:14] Irish frame

[52:15] wobbling incessantly

[52:16] as I guffawed my way

[52:17] through entire afternoons

[52:19] at the beach.

[52:20] My wife was understandably curious,

[52:22] so I played her an episode

[52:23] while we were drifting off to sleep.

[52:25] I'm guessing she didn't like it.

[52:27] Secure in the presumption

[52:28] that she would find

[52:28] Elliot's voice annoying,

[52:30] Stuart's love of bizarre horror

[52:32] impenetrable,

[52:34] and the lack of respect

[52:34] afforded Dan

[52:35] generally mystifying.

[52:37] Not so much.

[52:38] She loved it.

[52:39] Oh.

[52:39] Renamed it the Floop Oop.

[52:41] She doesn't have

[52:42] an acquired brain injury.

[52:43] She's just Australian.

[52:44] I don't know how that still...

[52:46] Australians say things silly.

[52:47] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[52:47] You know what they call

[52:48] a car in Australia?

[52:49] A car?

[52:50] No, it's like a

[52:50] cranga oinga boinga dog.

[52:52] Do you know what they call

[52:54] a nose in Australia?

[52:55] What?

Dan McCoy

[52:55] It's like nose,

[52:56] but they say it funny.

[52:57] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[52:58] Noises.

[52:59] Exactly.

Dan McCoy

[53:01] She now insists

[53:01] that we listen to it

[53:02] every night in bed.

[53:04] This means that

[53:04] until we manage to burn

[53:05] through your entire

[53:06] back catalog,

[53:08] the most fun

[53:08] I will have in our bedroom

[53:09] is regular dreams

[53:11] enlivened by twisted versions

[53:12] of Castle Freaks,

[53:13] Invisible Maniacs,

[53:14] and Southern Bells

[53:15] reading Belgian cartoons.

Elliott Kalan

[53:17] So this is really

[53:17] the cock block house.

Dan McCoy

[53:18] Yeah.

[53:19] Her favorite part is

[53:20] bafflingly Elliot's

[53:21] mailbag tunes.

[53:23] It's her birthday soon.

[53:23] It is baffling, yeah.

[53:25] It's her birthday...

[53:25] It's baffling why

[53:26] that's not everybody's

[53:27] favorite part.

[53:28] It's her birthday soon,

[53:29] the 12th of December,

[53:30] so this is a very late one.

Elliott Kalan

[53:32] Thanks, Dan.

[53:33] I'm not reading it on time.

Dan McCoy

[53:35] Well, we're almost in time

Elliott Kalan

[53:36] for the next birthday.

Dan McCoy

[53:37] Maybe a brief

[53:38] happy birthday song

[53:39] might save her

[53:40] floop-woop appetite

[53:42] and help return

[53:42] our late night routine

[53:43] to something

[53:44] approaching normality.

[53:45] Failing that,

[53:46] crank up the pervozoiding.

[53:48] Cramp up the pervozoiding.

Elliott Kalan

[53:50] You want to stretch

[53:51] your pervozoid

[53:52] so it doesn't cramp up.

Dan McCoy

[53:52] Have some sweeter dreams.

[53:54] Yours in amused exhaustion,

[53:56] Patrick and Chrissy,

[53:57] last name withheld,

[53:58] Melbourne.

[53:59] Well, I'll say,

Elliott Kalan

[54:01] hey, Melbourne.

[54:03] Hey, Melbourne,

[54:04] it's your birthday today.

[54:05] Or rather,

[54:06] one person in the city

[54:07] has their birthday

[54:08] today and by today.

[54:10] I mean, months ago.

[54:11] Happy birthday belated

[54:12] because Dan didn't

[54:13] read the letter on time.

[54:15] I wish you could see

[54:16] Jess's dancing.

[54:17] Jessica's dancing

[54:17] but you can't hear it

[54:18] but it fits the song.

[54:21] You only get one

[54:22] birthday a year

[54:23] but this year

[54:24] you get two.

[54:26] The day we read the letter

[54:28] and the day you get older,

[54:29] two birthdays

[54:31] da-da-da-bolder.

[54:32] Couldn't think of another word

[54:34] that rhymed with older.

[54:35] I guess we'll have to

[54:36] solder this together.

[54:38] When you read it,

[54:39] it rhymes.

[54:40] I guess what I'm saying is,

[54:42] yeah, letter,

[54:43] okay, works, great, perfect.

[54:44] I guess what I'm saying is,

[54:46] Chrissy,

[54:46] that was the name, right?

[54:47] Yeah.

[54:48] Chrissy,

[54:49] it's your birthday

[54:49] seven months ago.

[54:52] About cha-cha-cha?

[54:54] Dan,

[54:55] if you got in the spirit

[54:57] like that more often

[54:57] you'd like the letter songs.

[54:58] Yeah, I guess so.

[55:00] Just throw a cha-cha-cha

[55:01] in every now and then.

Dan McCoy

[55:03] So anyway,

[55:03] this is the last segment

[55:05] of the podcast

[55:07] where we recommend movies

[55:09] that we actually liked

[55:10] in contrast

[55:11] to movies

[55:12] like Three Days to Kill.

[55:15] Stu,

[55:15] I feel like you haven't

[55:16] gone first in a while.

[55:17] Why don't you

[55:17] take this one?

[55:19] Putting me in the hot seat.

[55:21] Shizzling.

[55:22] You're always

[55:23] in the hot seat.

[55:25] I like sizzling sounds.

Stuart Wellington

[55:27] So,

[55:28] I'm going to recommend

[55:29] a movie

[55:29] about a

[55:31] bad dad

[55:33] trying to get in touch

[55:34] with his daughter.

[55:36] It's called Bad Dad.

[55:37] His daughter.

[55:37] It's called Playing for Kids.

[55:38] It's called

Dan McCoy

[55:39] Getting Even with Dad.

[55:40] King Lear.

[55:41] I saw that movie

[55:43] in the theaters

Stuart Wellington

[55:44] playing Getting Even with Dad.

[55:45] King Lear

[55:45] is not a bad dad

[55:47] running a dungeon

[55:47] of the stars.

[55:49] Sounds.

[55:49] Howl

[55:50] on a blast of heat.

[55:52] I'm going to recommend

[55:53] a Steven Soderbergh movie

[55:55] called

[55:56] The Limey

[55:57] about a bad dad

[55:59] played by

[56:00] Terrence Stamp

[56:01] who is

[56:02] trying to

[56:03] get in touch

[56:04] with his daughter's

[56:05] killer.

[56:07] Played by

[56:08] spoiler alert,

[56:10] Peter Fonda

[56:10] who gives a great performance.

[56:12] Terrence Stamp's great.

[56:13] Peter Fonda's great.

[56:15] This was

[56:15] I think

[56:16] my first introduction

[56:16] to Steven Soderbergh movies

[56:18] and I think

[56:20] it's a nice

[56:21] slow

[56:21] kind of patient movie.

[56:24] It does

[56:24] some interesting stuff

[56:25] by using

[56:26] old footage

[56:27] from

[56:28] an early

[56:29] Terrence Stamp movie

[56:30] for flashbacks.

[56:31] Poor Cow

[56:32] I think, right?

[56:32] Poor Cow, exactly.

[56:35] And I totally

[56:36] recommend it.

[56:37] So

[56:37] blimey,

[56:38] I'm not going to go

[56:39] too into detail

[56:40] because I haven't seen

[56:40] it super recently.

Dan McCoy

[56:42] I would like to

[56:43] recommend a movie

[56:44] that I saw

[56:45] this Monday.

[56:48] When I saw it

[56:49] it was a

[56:49] advanced screening

[56:51] although

[56:52] It was Transformers

[56:53] wasn't it?

[56:54] Yeah.

[56:55] Because we are

[56:56] banking this

[56:57] ahead of time

[56:57] since both

[56:58] Elliot and I

[56:59] will be out of town

[57:00] in the next

[57:01] couple weeks

[57:02] I believe

[57:03] that this movie

[57:04] will be out

[57:04] in general release

[57:05] by the time

[57:06] this goes

[57:07] into your

[57:08] ear holes

[57:09] I saw a little movie

Elliott Kalan

[57:10] And now some other holes

Dan McCoy

[57:11] I saw a movie called

[57:14] They Came Together

[57:14] in a screening

[57:16] at BAM

[57:17] and

[57:18] They knew they

[57:18] live together

[57:19] It was nice

[57:20] because

[57:20] stars and director

[57:22] of the movie

[57:23] were there

[57:25] David Wayne

[57:26] Amy Poehler

[57:29] Paul Rudd

[57:30] Elliot Kemper

[57:31] Jason Manzoukas

[57:32] He recommends movies

Elliott Kalan

[57:33] where you see

[57:33] the stars of the movie

[57:35] Dan used to recommend

[57:36] movies on planes

[57:37] now he recommends

[57:37] going to see

[57:38] screenings

[57:39] where the director

[57:39] and the stars

[57:40] I've become more

[57:40] upscale

[57:41] That's what I'm

[57:41] talking about

[57:42] I'm proud of you

[57:43] man

Dan McCoy

[57:43] You made it bro

[57:47] It's a very

[57:48] funny movie though

[57:50] It's a very

[57:50] You know

[57:52] We don't know

[57:53] Tell us

[57:54] It's written by

[57:56] Wayne and

[57:56] Showalter

[57:57] who

[57:58] previously collaborated

[58:00] on Wet Hot

[58:01] American Summer

[58:01] This is not

[58:02] And the state

[58:03] Yes

[58:04] This is not as

[58:05] funny as

[58:05] Wet Hot

Stuart Wellington

[58:06] Guarded

[58:08] recommendation

[58:09] Not as funny as

[58:10] Wet Hot

Dan McCoy

[58:11] Qualified

[58:11] Raves Dan

[58:12] McCoy

[58:13] That's a pretty

[58:15] high standard

[58:15] to live up to

[58:17] That's a

[58:17] Very funny movie

[58:19] I'm just saying

[58:20] that to keep

[58:22] people's expectations

[58:23] at a reasonable

[58:23] letter level

[58:24] But it's funnier

[58:24] than the Baxter

[58:25] Yes

[58:26] It's a very

[58:27] funny movie

[58:27] It has a lot

[58:29] of the

[58:29] Wet Hot

[58:30] feel

[58:31] It has

[58:31] oddly

[58:32] kind of

[58:32] like

[58:32] a lot

[58:33] of the

[58:33] early

[58:35] Zucker Brothers

[58:36] feel

[58:36] It combines

[58:38] kind of

[58:38] that state

[58:39] humor

[58:39] with that

[58:40] airplane

[58:41] style

[58:41] humor

[58:42] It's a

[58:44] spoof

[58:44] of romantic

[58:45] comedies

[58:45] It's maybe

[58:46] at its

[58:47] most facile

[58:48] when it's

[58:48] just like

[58:49] calling out

[58:49] the tropes

[58:50] of romantic

[58:53] comedies

[58:53] There are

[58:53] parts of the

[58:54] movie where

[58:54] they're just

[58:55] like

[58:55] literally

[58:56] stating

[58:56] I'm the

[58:57] guy who

[58:57] does this

[58:58] thing

[58:58] and this

[58:58] thing

[58:58] This is

[58:59] kind of

[59:01] funny

[59:01] because

[59:01] you've got

[59:02] funny people

[59:02] saying these

[59:03] lines

[59:03] but it's

[59:04] a little

[59:04] easy

[59:04] what you're

[59:05] doing

[59:05] Are you

[59:06] recommending

[59:07] this movie?

[59:07] No, no, no

[59:08] I'm just

[59:08] saying that's

[59:09] the weakest

[59:09] part of it

[59:10] but for the

[59:10] most part

[59:11] One and a half

[59:11] stars

[59:12] For the most

[59:13] part

[59:13] it's a lot

[59:14] cleverer than

[59:15] that and a lot

[59:15] sharper and a lot

[59:16] funnier

[59:17] Better than

[59:17] getting eaten

[59:18] by a shark

[59:18] says Dan

[59:19] McCoy

[59:19] I cannot

[59:21] this is the

[59:22] problem with

[59:22] the internet

[59:23] where you can't

[59:24] give a new

[59:25] nuanced

[59:25] review of

[59:27] something

[59:27] where you

[59:28] have to say

[59:28] something rocks

[59:29] or it sucks

[59:30] I'm just saying

Elliott Kalan

[59:32] you should lead

[59:32] with the

[59:32] strengths

Dan McCoy

[59:33] I felt like

[59:35] I did

[59:35] it's a very

[59:36] funny movie

[59:36] and I just

[59:37] like giving

[59:38] you shit

[59:38] That's my

Elliott Kalan

[59:39] main thing

[59:39] too

[59:40] Okay

Dan McCoy

[59:40] Point is

[59:42] go see it

[59:43] you'll get a

[59:44] lot of laps

[59:44] it's a lot

[59:45] funnier than

[59:46] pretty much

[59:47] I guarantee

[59:48] any other

[59:49] comedy you're

[59:49] going to see

[59:49] this year

Stuart Wellington

[59:50] I feel

[59:51] like comedies

[59:52] are often

[59:52] they often

[59:53] take a beating

[59:54] from the

[59:54] critics

[59:54] and it's

[59:56] kind of

[59:56] difficult to

[59:56] read a

[59:57] critical review

[59:57] of a comedy

[59:58] and know

[59:59] for sure

[59:59] whether or

[1:00:00] not you'll

[1:00:00] actually enjoy

[1:00:01] it

Dan McCoy

[1:00:01] I'm saying

[1:00:02] this is not

[1:00:02] flawless

[1:00:03] it does not

[1:00:04] live up to

[1:00:04] the wet

[1:00:05] hot American

[1:00:05] summer standard

[1:00:06] but it is

[1:00:07] really funny

[1:00:07] so you should

[1:00:08] go see it

[1:00:08] they came

[1:00:09] together

[1:00:10] they came

[1:00:10] together

[1:00:11] Jess do you

[1:00:12] have something

[1:00:13] you want to

[1:00:13] recommend

[1:00:13] I do

S3

[1:00:14] actually

[1:00:14] I saw

[1:00:16] a few weeks

[1:00:16] ago I saw

[1:00:17] the movie

[1:00:17] Obvious Child

[1:00:18] at a somewhat

[1:00:20] intimate screening

[1:00:20] I know like

[1:00:21] we're all talking

[1:00:21] about screenings

[1:00:22] and stuff

[1:00:22] I'm not

[1:00:23] I'm disatered

[1:00:26] it wasn't

[1:00:26] no it was

[1:00:27] it was not

[1:00:27] but it is

[1:00:29] starring Jenny

[1:00:29] Slate

[1:00:30] of Chipwrecked

[1:00:32] Jenny Slate

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:33] of Slate.com

S3

[1:00:34] of the Slate

[1:00:38] Empire

[1:00:38] the Slate.com

[1:00:39] Family Empire

[1:00:40] Mr. Slate

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:41] Fred Flintstone's

[1:00:42] boss

S3

[1:00:42] it is starring

[1:00:43] her

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:44] sure

S3

[1:00:45] sure

[1:00:46] sure

[1:00:46] it is

[1:00:48] starring her

[1:00:49] of the

[1:00:50] Slate Your

[1:00:51] Name in an

[1:00:51] Audition

[1:00:52] family

[1:00:53] no but it

[1:00:55] was really

[1:00:56] amazing

[1:00:57] Gabby Hoffman

[1:00:57] is in it

[1:00:58] David Cross

[1:00:59] Jake Lacey

[1:01:00] it was directed

[1:01:02] and

[1:01:03] I think

[1:01:05] written by

[1:01:07] I'm

[1:01:07] confirming

[1:01:08] yeah it

[1:01:10] was directed

[1:01:11] and written

[1:01:11] by Gillian

[1:01:12] Robespierre

[1:01:12] and I don't

[1:01:13] know if

[1:01:13] it's Gillian

[1:01:14] or Jillian

[1:01:14] I couldn't

[1:01:15] figure that

[1:01:16] out

[1:01:16] but the

[1:01:17] movie

[1:01:17] you said

[1:01:18] both

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:18] either way

[1:01:19] I hope

[1:01:20] that my

[1:01:21] bases are

[1:01:21] covered

[1:01:21] it's an

[1:01:22] amazing debut

[1:01:23] from someone

[1:01:23] so intimately

[1:01:24] involved in the

[1:01:24] French Revolution

[1:01:25] Robespierre

Dan McCoy

[1:01:26] this is totally

[1:01:29] name dropping

[1:01:30] but apparently

[1:01:30] our mutual

[1:01:32] friend Elliot

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:32] no no I'm me

[1:01:34] I'm not your mutual

[1:01:34] friend

Dan McCoy

[1:01:35] I don't even like me

[1:01:36] Ursula Lawrence

[1:01:37] of the Writers Guild

[1:01:39] was in the

[1:01:40] original short

[1:01:42] that this movie

[1:01:43] then was like

[1:01:44] based off of

[1:01:44] oh interesting

[1:01:45] yeah

[1:01:45] what was she

[1:01:46] the lead

[1:01:47] I have no idea

S3

[1:01:48] okay okay great

[1:01:49] no well

[1:01:50] here's

[1:01:50] was she the

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:51] masked wrestler

[1:01:52] in the short

S3

[1:01:52] just here's

[1:01:56] what I liked

[1:01:57] about it

[1:01:57] it felt very

[1:01:58] kind of realistic

[1:02:00] to me

[1:02:00] and Jenny Slate

[1:02:01] is delightful

[1:02:02] and charming

[1:02:02] everything is

[1:02:04] kind of written

[1:02:04] really well

[1:02:05] and very naturalistic

[1:02:06] and it makes

[1:02:07] it

[1:02:08] watching it

[1:02:09] made me realize

[1:02:09] how much I watch

[1:02:10] so many things

[1:02:11] it's supposed to

[1:02:12] depict what it means

[1:02:14] to be kind of

[1:02:15] a young adult

[1:02:15] in a very

[1:02:16] glossed way

[1:02:17] like it was just

[1:02:18] so delightful

[1:02:19] and it kind of

[1:02:21] did a really cool

[1:02:22] job of

[1:02:22] addressing abortion

[1:02:23] without making it

[1:02:25] seem like it was

[1:02:26] this

[1:02:26] it was like the

[1:02:28] huge fucking

[1:02:28] big deal of the movie

[1:02:30] it was

[1:02:30] it was sort of

[1:02:31] more around

[1:02:32] this choice

[1:02:33] of a woman's

[1:02:34] right to choose

[1:02:34] in a very

[1:02:35] subtle and cool way

[1:02:36] and I just

[1:02:37] I thought it was

[1:02:37] so delightful

[1:02:38] and like

[1:02:40] everybody

[1:02:41] showed up

[1:02:42] and just

[1:02:43] acted the shit

[1:02:44] out of it

[1:02:44] killed it

[1:02:45] nice

[1:02:46] yeah

[1:02:46] I want to see that

[1:02:47] yeah it was

[1:02:47] it was actually

[1:02:48] really

[1:02:48] it was really

[1:02:49] fantastic

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:49] so a wholehearted

[1:02:51] recommendation

[1:02:52] partial recommendation

[1:02:53] and an old

[1:02:54] timey movie

[1:02:55] I kind of remember

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:55] speaking of old

[1:02:57] timey movies

[1:02:58] it's time for

[1:02:59] Elliot to recommend

[1:02:59] his stuff

[1:03:00] now Dan forwarded

[1:03:01] me an email

[1:03:02] from

[1:03:02] I'm forgetting

[1:03:03] the name

[1:03:04] I think his name

[1:03:04] was Josiah

[1:03:05] from a guy who

[1:03:06] said that

[1:03:07] in my recommendations

[1:03:08] I had not been

[1:03:09] recommending any

[1:03:09] Edward G. Robinson

[1:03:10] movies

[1:03:11] even though I've

[1:03:11] been doing lots

[1:03:12] of old time

[1:03:12] movies

[1:03:12] so you know

[1:03:13] what

[1:03:13] I'll rectify

[1:03:14] that tonight

[1:03:14] I'll recommend

[1:03:15] two Edward G. Robinson

[1:03:16] movies real quick

[1:03:17] out of the

[1:03:17] Kaelin

[1:03:18] Crypt

[1:03:18] my two

[1:03:19] favorites

[1:03:19] which are

[1:03:20] surprisingly

[1:03:21] neither of them

[1:03:21] is he playing

[1:03:22] a gangster

[1:03:22] even though

[1:03:22] that's what

[1:03:23] he kind of

[1:03:23] did best

[1:03:24] but I'd like

[1:03:25] to recommend

[1:03:25] I think my

[1:03:26] favorite

[1:03:27] movie and then

[1:03:28] no other time

[1:03:28] my favorite

[1:03:29] a movie called

[1:03:30] The Sea Wolf

[1:03:30] based on the

[1:03:31] Jack London

[1:03:31] novel

[1:03:32] where Edward G. Robinson

[1:03:33] plays the captain

[1:03:34] Wolf Larson

[1:03:35] of a ship

[1:03:36] of the damned

[1:03:36] if you will

[1:03:37] a bunch of

[1:03:38] people from

[1:03:38] San Francisco

[1:03:39] around the

[1:03:40] turn of the

[1:03:40] century

[1:03:40] are kidnapped

[1:03:42] and forced

[1:03:42] to work

[1:03:43] in his ship

[1:03:44] and he believes

[1:03:45] wholeheartedly

[1:03:45] in John Milton's

[1:03:46] phrase

[1:03:47] better to

[1:03:48] rule in hell

[1:03:48] than serve in heaven

[1:03:49] and so

[1:03:50] he wants to be

[1:03:51] the master

[1:03:51] of this hell ship

[1:03:52] and he won't

[1:03:52] brook any descent

[1:03:53] and it's a great

[1:03:55] portrait of a man

[1:03:56] who is basically

[1:03:57] evil

[1:03:57] but not without

[1:03:59] his sympathetic

[1:03:59] moments

[1:04:00] and it's a really

[1:04:01] crackling

[1:04:02] suspense

[1:04:03] thrillery

[1:04:03] type thing

[1:04:04] about people

[1:04:05] trapped on a ship

[1:04:06] and they've got

[1:04:06] to escape

[1:04:06] on the other

[1:04:07] side of the

[1:04:08] ledger

[1:04:08] the Heath Ledger

[1:04:09] of Edward G. Robinson

[1:04:10] playing a heroic

[1:04:11] character

[1:04:12] there's

[1:04:13] five star final

[1:04:14] an early talkie

[1:04:16] from 1931

[1:04:16] where Edward G. Robinson

[1:04:18] is the editor

[1:04:18] of a newspaper

[1:04:19] that in order to

[1:04:21] goose its sails

[1:04:22] decides to dig up

[1:04:24] an old murder trial

[1:04:25] from many years before

[1:04:26] and find the people

[1:04:28] who were

[1:04:28] the lovers

[1:04:29] who were involved

[1:04:29] and ends up

[1:04:31] ruining a number

[1:04:31] of lives

[1:04:32] as a result of

[1:04:33] digging up

[1:04:33] this old case

[1:04:34] and Boris Karloff

[1:04:35] is in it

[1:04:36] and he's fantastic

[1:04:37] in a very funny role

[1:04:38] as a former

[1:04:39] seminary student

[1:04:40] who's now a

[1:04:41] really slimy reporter

[1:04:42] Aileen McMahon

[1:04:44] who's a crush

[1:04:45] of mine

[1:04:45] plays

[1:04:46] Edward G. Robinson's

[1:04:47] secretary

[1:04:47] who secretly

[1:04:47] has a crush

[1:04:48] on him

[1:04:48] and it's

[1:04:49] one of these

[1:04:50] movies that's

[1:04:50] just like

[1:04:51] a little slow

[1:04:52] at times

[1:04:52] because it's

[1:04:53] 1931

[1:04:53] but is

[1:04:54] a really

[1:04:55] otherwise

[1:04:55] tight

[1:04:56] hour and

[1:04:57] 15

[1:04:58] hour and a

[1:04:59] half minute

[1:04:59] movie

[1:05:00] that

[1:05:02] has a lot

[1:05:03] of characters

[1:05:03] running around

[1:05:04] and doing

[1:05:04] 30s stuff

[1:05:05] and just being

[1:05:06] dramatic and neat

[1:05:06] so The Seawolf

[1:05:07] and five star

[1:05:08] final

[1:05:09] two

[1:05:09] I think my

[1:05:10] favorite two

[1:05:11] movies

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:12] so that's

[1:05:13] five movies

[1:05:14] to watch

[1:05:14] before we

[1:05:15] meet up

[1:05:15] next time

[1:05:16] okay everybody

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:17] yeah you gotta

[1:05:17] get you ready

Dan McCoy

[1:05:18] that is your

[1:05:18] homework

[1:05:19] meet up

[1:05:19] here at the

[1:05:20] exact same

[1:05:21] time

[1:05:21] in five weeks

[1:05:24] and if we're

[1:05:24] not married

[1:05:25] we're getting

[1:05:26] married

[1:05:26] yep

[1:05:26] so I'd

[1:05:29] like to thank

[1:05:30] Jessica Williams

[1:05:32] for being here

[1:05:33] even though

[1:05:34] I have a

[1:05:36] cat

[1:05:36] and she's

[1:05:38] deathly

[1:05:39] allergic to

[1:05:39] them

[1:05:39] she's dead

[1:05:40] now

[1:05:40] she's

[1:05:41] sniffling

[1:05:41] more and

[1:05:42] more

[1:05:42] the longer

[1:05:43] she's in

[1:05:43] my apartment

[1:05:44] so we should

[1:05:44] probably wrap

[1:05:45] things up

[1:05:45] I think we

[1:05:46] should

[1:05:46] and so

[1:05:46] for the

[1:05:47] ending

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:47] goodnight

[1:05:49] Chrissy and

[1:05:50] Patrick

[1:05:51] lying in bed

[1:05:52] listening to

[1:05:53] the flop house

[1:05:53] in Melbourne

[1:05:54] do it

Dan McCoy

[1:05:55] do it

[1:05:56] with each

[1:05:56] other

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:57] time to go

[1:05:58] to sleep

[1:05:58] time to close

[1:05:59] your eyes

[1:06:00] and drift

[1:06:00] off to dreamland

Dan McCoy

[1:06:02] but before that

[1:06:03] do it

[1:06:03] with each

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:04] other

[1:06:04] a loving

[1:06:05] couple

[1:06:05] curled up

[1:06:06] in a

[1:06:06] non-sexual

[1:06:07] way

[1:06:08] and going

[1:06:09] to sleep

[1:06:10] go down

[1:06:11] on each

[1:06:11] other

[1:06:12] Chrissy and

[1:06:14] Patrick

[1:06:14] goodnight

[1:06:16] goodnight

[1:06:17] fuckfest

[1:06:19] so for the

[1:06:21] flop house

[1:06:21] who are you

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:22] I've been

[1:06:23] Dan McCoy

[1:06:23] I'm glad we

[1:06:24] ended on a

[1:06:24] PG note

[1:06:25] and I've been

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:27] Elliot Kalin

[1:06:28] and no you're

[1:06:29] not you're

[1:06:30] Stuart Wellington

[1:06:30] and this is

[1:06:32] Jessica

[1:06:32] Williams

[1:06:33] goodnight

[1:06:37] everybody

[1:06:37] oh my gosh

Dan McCoy

[1:06:50] that scared me

[1:06:51] it does not

[1:06:51] cut through

[1:06:52] the fucking

[1:06:53] like

[1:06:53] chat

[1:06:54] the way

[1:06:55] that this

[1:06:55] asshole

[1:06:55] has to be

[1:06:56] quiet

S3

[1:06:56] no oh my gosh

[1:06:58] nice to see you

[1:06:59] have you met

[1:06:59] are we just

[1:07:01] going to do

[1:07:01] Jessica's

[1:07:02] voice symposium

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:03] I don't care

[1:07:09] for it

[1:07:10] you look nice

[1:07:12] today by the

[1:07:12] way

[1:07:12] have you been

[1:07:13] working out

[1:07:14] here a little

[1:07:15] bit

[1:07:15] classic Stuart

The Flop House: Episode #156 - 3 Days to Kill

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