The Flop House: Episode #162 - The Quiet Ones

[0:00] hey flop house listeners around now is where you would normally hear me make a mild witticism about

[0:05] the film that we're doing this week before introducing the show but before we get to that

[0:12] i just want to introduce on behalf of our new podcast network maximum fun the uh capo de capo

[0:19] of maximum fun mr jesse thorne that is actually on my business card stand great how are you man

[0:28] uh i'm doing all right just just hanging here trying to pretend it's not awkward to talk on

[0:34] a cell phone and record it yeah i'm in la you're in new york um but yeah i i felt like i should be

[0:42] here to sort of explain what it means that the flop house is joining maximum fun and and that

[0:48] kind of thing basically i guess i'll start with like what maximum fun is we're a network of

[0:54] podcast that is driven by the themes of culture and comedy of which of course the flop house is

[1:02] both um and all of our shows are owned by their creators and so essentially what we do as a network

[1:11] is provide support for those shows in the same way that uh you know maybe a public radio station

[1:17] provides support for the shows that it carries on its air you know we we do sometimes have a little

[1:22] bit of advertising but we're we're mostly focused on listeners and uh listener support for our shows

[1:28] yeah i mean our our goal is to make shows like this one a success and make sure that the people

[1:33] who the people who make them can uh earn money from them at least enough money for them to be

[1:39] able to continue doing them does that make sense stan yeah and uh listeners of the show probably

[1:46] if they like me at all and aren't just listening for uh elliot and stew uh heard me appear on your

[1:53] podcast jj go and uh obviously our friend at the daily show judge john hodgman john hodgman has

[2:00] his podcast over with you guys so it seemed like a good fit for us yeah i mean basically you know

[2:06] we're a group of a dozen or so like it's now up to 15 or so like-minded shows that have banded

[2:14] together under one umbrella to raise money for all of us because we share a common vision and

[2:22] common goals. So the big news here is that there is a new way to support the Flophouse. If you're

[2:30] a big fan of the Flophouse, you want to see it continue and you want to see these guys get paid,

[2:34] the way to do it is become a member of MaximumFun.org. It's easy to do. You just go to

[2:41] maximumfund.org slash donate. Uh, when you donate, you will decide an amount of money per month to

[2:48] give. Um, and when you do that, you will tell us what shows you listen to and the money that you

[2:53] donate goes to the shows that you listen to. It's easy and it's fun. It's great. Maximumfund.org

[3:00] slash donate is the place to do it. You even get like thank you gifts and stuff. Um, I, I don't

[3:04] want to go too far into them because we, you know, we usually only have one pledge drive a year, but

[3:09] um we thought you know this is a new thing these guys could use some some continuing support you

[3:17] know some some some money that they can count on and so that's why we're going to you the audience

[3:22] just this one time um and then we won't be back at you until the annual pledge drive which isn't

[3:27] until uh late spring yeah we appreciate that and uh you know we love putting out the show

[3:33] we don't particularly do it for the money i think if you get into podcasting for that you have been

[3:38] woefully misinformed but um i do think the the show surprised surprisingly enough does uh cost

[3:46] a little to put out and uh it would be nice to be able to pay my co-hosts for their time so uh yeah

[3:52] if you feel uh interested in doing so why not support us through donations at max fun yeah i

[3:59] mean i'll tell you i'll tell you this dan um the reason that i started maximum fun uh was because

[4:05] I felt like people who do work like this deserve to get paid. I mean, I don't, I don't, like you

[4:10] said, nobody goes into this expecting to be rich, but the truth is that, you know, if, if we take

[4:16] you as an example, you know, you have a very demanding day job and you do this because you

[4:22] love it. But if you are paid for your work, it allows you to prioritize your work in a way that

[4:29] you otherwise couldn't. So you can go to maximumfund.org slash donate. You can choose a

[4:34] level to at which to donate um you can give five bucks a month if you want um even if you only

[4:40] listen to the flop house that's that's still an incredibly reasonable amount of money um and i

[4:46] bet there is a lot of crossover in the audience between already extant flop house listeners and

[4:51] folks who listen to other maximum fun.org shows but we just wanted to yeah we just wanted to

[4:56] introduce the network and uh share this with you so thank you to everybody for donating and remember

[5:01] that you know the the money that you donate goes to the shows that you listen to um so go to

[5:06] maximumfund.org slash donate and i'm i'm really excited about having the flop house on board i

[5:12] personally am a really huge fan of the show and i was so excited that um that you guys are joining

[5:19] up with us so thank you for that well thank you for welcoming us of course here have this leg

[5:24] thank you oh it's sort of snug yeah well it's it's good because it does double duty it's good

[5:35] for welcoming people to your tropical island it's also good for garroting people as a mafia hitman

[5:41] oh i appreciate it is that how that word is pronounced garroting garroting yes i believe so

[5:47] garroting garroting greetings anyway the moral of this story is go to maximumfund.org slash donate

[5:54] and welcome flop house to maximum fun.org we are so so so happy to have you thank you

[6:24] hey everyone and welcome to the flop house i'm dan mccoy

[6:36] what just happened was there some sort of spirit just snuck in

[6:42] some sort of forest spirit quick throw salt over your shoulder to distract it

[6:47] put some rice in the corner it has to count the grains before it can chase you

[6:52] Okay, well, while it's counting the rice grains

[6:55] I'm Stuart Wellington

[6:56] And I'm Elliot Kalin

[6:59] And I'm Hallie Haglund

[7:04] You said before we started

[7:05] Don't worry about me

[7:07] I was waiting for you

[7:09] I thought you were going to say who you are

[7:10] I did, I was the first person

[7:13] I thought you were going to say it twice

[7:15] Because sometimes people forget about you

[7:17] That's fair

[7:18] But not tonight

[7:20] because this is the Flophouse podcast.

[7:22] I'm the fourth favorite member of the group

[7:24] and there's only three of us.

[7:25] After me, Stuart, the house cat,

[7:28] the idea of the platonic Flophouse ideal host,

[7:31] Allie,

[7:32] and then, of course, a couple other guest hosts,

[7:34] then there's Bob Barker,

[7:36] former host of The Price is Right,

[7:37] not to mention the movie The Host.

[7:39] And there's Dan's phone case.

[7:41] My phone case?

[7:43] Very popular, yeah.

[7:44] Why would that be part of the whole conversation?

[7:47] Have you seen it?

[7:48] Yeah, I mean, it's in my pocket.

[7:50] It's a cool case.

[7:50] Keeps the phone safe.

[7:51] Thanks.

[7:52] But it is giving you a run for your money.

[7:54] You're a little bit above Cole.

[7:57] Cole as ice.

[7:58] Flop Hauser.

[7:59] A.K.A.

[8:00] Cole Hauser, the actor.

[8:02] So, Dan, what do we do on the Flop House podcast of which this is?

[8:05] We watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[8:08] And, oh, boy, this month, it's the holiest of holies.

[8:13] The high holy month of the Flop House calendar.

[8:16] They probably knew from the spooky music that was with the chains rattling

[8:21] and the witches howling and the werewolves howling.

[8:24] And the witch wolves howling.

[8:27] And the werewitches also howling.

[8:30] And the howling Joe Dante.

[8:33] But it's Shocktober.

[8:35] Shocktober?

[8:36] Shocktober, you say.

[8:38] So Small Vember is over.

[8:39] Yeah.

[8:40] Small Vember.

[8:41] The relative peace of Small Timber has passed us.

[8:43] Welcome to the hellish maelstrom of Shocktober.

[8:47] When all evil walks the earth and the veil between the other world and this is at its thinnest.

[8:54] Can you hear that sound?

[8:55] Boogans.

[8:57] Ow, it shocked me.

[8:59] The curtain between the spirit world and ours is so thin that you can see a ghost's nipple sticking through it.

[9:06] Yep.

[9:08] When ghosts and goblins and gooblins and...

[9:12] And goblins.

[9:13] When ghosts and ghasts and Ryan ghostlings.

[9:16] Oh, that's terrifying.

[9:19] Yeah.

[9:20] It's a living hell, but funny.

[9:22] Well, anyway, the point is, the world is a blasted nightmare, and its name is Shocktober.

[9:28] And we're in it.

[9:29] Boogans.

[9:32] Shocktober, you're soaking in it.

[9:34] So, Dan, what happens in Shocktober?

[9:35] Well, we watch horror movies with a slightly larger frequency than the rest of the year.

[9:40] Because we do watch horror movies in other times of the year.

[9:42] Yeah, but never two in one month.

[9:43] Because sometimes horror movies are bad.

[9:44] Yeah.

[9:44] That's true.

[9:45] Sometimes horror movies are bad.

[9:46] Often they're bad, I would say.

[9:47] Sometimes they're good, too, though.

[9:48] Yeah, sure.

[9:49] Thanks.

[9:50] That's fun facts from Stuart.

[9:51] That's on the bottom of your Stuart trading cards.

[9:55] And so, Dan, we watch horror movies, and we have a special guest with us.

[10:00] Her name's Hallie Hagelin.

[10:02] We talked about it already.

[10:03] But we didn't introduce her as an out-of-the-ordinary person.

[10:06] Yeah.

[10:07] A supernatural guest.

[10:09] Yeah.

[10:09] Hallie Hagland.

[10:13] I mean, she kind of has a Halloween name already.

[10:15] So, Hallie, you love horror movies.

[10:20] I, yeah, sure.

[10:22] You like being scared.

[10:24] I love being scared.

[10:25] You really wanted to be scared tonight, and we tried to tell you.

[10:28] We were like, no, none of the movies we're going to watch.

[10:31] Dan turned off one of the lights.

[10:33] You were shivering.

[10:36] At one point you said, no, don't go in there.

[10:38] You were holding on to a stuffed animal bunny saying, it'll be okay, Mr. Bun Bun.

[10:42] It's just a movie.

[10:43] I cried.

[10:44] Do you guys know that every October 1st I start praying that I'll see a ghost this month?

[10:51] Because it doesn't count the other months.

[10:53] You're tired of seeing ghosts in summer.

[10:55] Forget it, July ghost.

[10:56] Come on.

[10:57] No, thank you.

[10:58] I don't need a bikini-ready ghost.

[11:01] Real ghosts have curves, people.

[11:05] Sure.

[11:06] Trouble with the curves.

[11:08] So, Dan, what movie did we watch?

[11:09] We watched The Quiet Ones.

[11:13] So named, I assume, because the movie is very quiet

[11:17] except for when loud noises explode on the soundtrack.

[11:20] Yeah, and there's only one quiet one in it,

[11:23] so it really doesn't make sense.

[11:24] Who is it?

[11:25] Tell me.

[11:27] The lady who makes all the things happen with her mind?

[11:30] Also the one that you weren't aware of

[11:32] because she was just so quiet.

[11:33] Did you guys pick up on that character?

[11:35] I didn't pick up on that character at all.

[11:37] Yeah, she's only credited in the credits.

[11:40] That's the only way you know she's a character.

[11:41] She was always off camera and very quiet.

[11:44] She's actually pretty shy.

[11:46] She was just wearing a sweater.

[11:48] The scariest of garments.

[11:51] What could be under that sweater?

[11:54] It's so hard to tell.

[11:56] Just a rib cage, maybe.

[11:58] It keeps you devilishly warm.

[12:00] Mm-hmm.

[12:01] Warm the devil's part of the thermometer.

[12:06] Warm the devil's?

[12:08] Yeah, warm the devil's.

[12:09] It's a Disney comedy from the 70s.

[12:12] Warm the devil's.

[12:13] Warm the devil's.

[12:13] No, it's Wormy Devils.

[12:15] Okay.

[12:15] Sequel to Wormy Boners.

[12:16] Yeah, sure.

[12:17] Stuart Wellington film.

[12:17] The sequel got greenlit?

[12:19] It got redlit.

[12:21] Okay.

[12:22] That's good in this case, though.

[12:24] Because it's hell.

[12:25] Bad as in good, but good as in bad, right?

[12:27] Exactly.

[12:28] Anyway, let's talk about the movie, The Quiet Ones,

[12:31] since we're now in the depth pits of incomprehensibility

[12:35] in our normal talking.

[12:36] The Quiet Ones takes place in Oxford, England in 1974.

[12:41] Jared Harris, TV's Lane Price.

[12:46] And the bad guy from Fringe.

[12:48] And the bad guy from the second Sherlock Holmes movie.

[12:51] Yeah, Moriarty.

[12:52] Ulysses S. Grant.

[12:53] That's on TV, though.

[12:53] And Ulysses S. Grant in Lincoln, which I love Jared Harris.

[12:58] He is hilarious in Lincoln.

[12:59] Really?

[13:00] But not, he's just like, well, Mr. President.

[13:02] Oh, yeah, I remember now.

[13:03] Yeah.

[13:04] But Jared Harris, an actor I've been a fan of, I'll just say, since I was a teenager,

[13:08] when I saw him in a production of Hamlet, as Hamlet, in the Jersey Shakespeare Festival.

[13:14] That's right.

[13:14] It's another tale of Elliot seeing an actor on stage.

[13:19] It was spooky.

[13:21] So he joins the Jenks of Jake Gyllenhaal or somebody, right?

[13:26] Who else have you seen on stage?

[13:27] Ethan Hawke.

[13:28] Jake Gyllenhaal, Ethan Hawke a number of times, Kevin Spacey.

[13:32] Oh, lots of great actors.

[13:33] Oh, man.

[13:33] Every time they look at you and wink.

[13:36] Yeah, because they know I'm in the audience.

[13:38] They're like, I'll remember you forever.

[13:39] They tug their ear Carol Burnett style at the end when they say goodnight.

[13:42] Someday you'll put this in a podcast.

[13:43] It was a production of Hamlet with Lily Taylor as Ophelia

[13:47] and a number of not as good local actors.

[13:50] He's Richard Harris' son, is that correct?

[13:52] He is, in fact.

[13:53] That must have been a really good performance.

[13:56] That's a good cast.

[13:59] Those two were good in it.

[14:01] There were other people who were not.

[14:01] The guy who played Laertes was not so great.

[14:03] But Jared Harris did something in that performance

[14:06] that always stuck with me, which is...

[14:07] He dropped his trout.

[14:08] Laertes.

[14:09] Laertes.

[14:10] That's French for the farties.

[14:12] Which is when they're watching Hamlet

[14:17] and he's acting like he's crazy,

[14:19] Jared Harris had him kind of sleepwalking

[14:21] and then clearly the character knows what he's doing,

[14:26] but he's pretending to be sleepwalking,

[14:27] and he walked right off the stage and fell into the audience.

[14:30] And I remember the first time as a kid that I saw an actor do something

[14:34] that like breaking the wall or that, you know, like physical,

[14:37] and it really stuck with me.

[14:39] So it was a great choice, Jared Harris.

[14:41] It sounds dangerous.

[14:42] It sounds like it would hurt him.

[14:43] Was he okay?

[14:44] Yeah, I mean, he popped right back up.

[14:45] Did the audience like crowd surf him back onto the stage?

[14:47] Yeah, yeah.

[14:48] It was just like.

[14:48] They caught him.

[14:49] It was beautiful.

[14:50] It was just like the end of the subway car sequence in Spider-Man 2.

[14:55] Or actually, the end of Hamlet, the Kenneth Branagh movie,

[14:57] I think they crowd surf his body over a bunch of people.

[14:59] Yeah.

[14:59] Spoiler alert, Hamlet.

[15:01] Or like my eighth grade Oasis concert

[15:04] when I crowd surfed over all the people.

[15:06] How was it?

[15:07] It was fun.

[15:08] Yeah?

[15:08] But you hadn't just died or fallen unconscious.

[15:12] I mean, I might as well have.

[15:14] I saw Oasis, so why live on?

[15:17] That's a good point.

[15:19] Anyway, the movie starts.

[15:20] I'm surprised you haven't torn your eyes and ears off at this point.

[15:24] They're worthless now.

[15:25] All you see or hear will be a disappointment from this point on.

[15:27] Jared Harris is an Oxford professor who's one of these professors of supernaturalisms

[15:33] that you see in this and Ghostbusters and other movies.

[15:36] Yeah, I really wish I had had a class to take like this in college because I totally would have.

[15:42] Yeah, me too.

[15:43] Which one would you be?

[15:45] Would you be the lady in the hot pants or would you be the crazy demon lady?

[15:48] I'd hope the crazy demon lady.

[15:50] You would be the crazy demon lady.

[15:51] I have some self-respect.

[15:53] You're more the Ally Sheedy

[15:55] as opposed to the, what's her name?

[15:58] Molly Ringworm?

[15:58] Yeah, everybody forgets her.

[16:01] That's her October name.

[16:04] Molly Ringworm.

[16:05] Anyway, that's not even a college movie.

[16:09] That's a high school movie.

[16:10] Helmelio Helsteves

[16:13] was also in it.

[16:14] And of course, Anthony Michael Hell.

[16:15] Now, continuing with this movie,

[16:17] Jared Harris is a professor of parapsychology

[16:19] who is showing his class video of a boy

[16:22] That's psychology that you do from a parachute

[16:26] It's parrot psychology

[16:28] Yes, you want a cracker, but why?

[16:30] So he says that people who seem to be possessed by demons

[16:36] Actually are telekinetics

[16:38] And the only way that they can express that power

[16:41] Without going insane

[16:43] Is to project it as some other personality

[16:45] Or being that is acting through them

[16:47] And he hires a local student, Brian

[16:50] to be the cameraman

[16:52] for a series of experiments

[16:55] in a house somewhere.

[16:56] After a scene that seemed ripped

[16:58] from...

[17:00] Literally, Jared Herrick

[17:02] is ripped from the...

[17:03] Is that the Shocktober version of it?

[17:05] It's the Shocktober version of Law and Order.

[17:08] The stories are ripped from the deadlines.

[17:11] Yeah, Law and Crypt Heaver.

[17:13] Yeah.

[17:13] Special Graves Unit.

[17:17] Yeah.

[17:18] Special Coffins Unit, I guess.

[17:20] So there's a scene where he's a professor and he's like, well, the supernatural doesn't exist.

[17:26] So let's look at this thing.

[17:28] And a student is like, what?

[17:29] You're crazy and unethical.

[17:30] And it did feel like God is Not Dead invaded this movie for a moment.

[17:34] Okay, I did not get that.

[17:36] I did not get that.

[17:37] And this movie makes a lot more sense now that you say that.

[17:40] Wait, what?

[17:41] What was happening in that scene?

[17:43] Yeah, what was happening in the whole movie.

[17:45] I didn't get why he wouldn't just let it be a ghost.

[17:49] No, well, because he believes that it's a telekinetic problem.

[17:52] And that he is on the verge of solving the problem of people being crazy

[17:57] by having an experiment with these two guys and this one pretty girl

[18:02] where they have locked another girl in a room.

[18:05] Pretty, also.

[18:06] Also pretty, but in a less blonde, trashy way.

[18:09] It's your classic blonde brunette divide, Betty and Veronica.

[18:14] In this case, the Betty is the mean one because the blonde is the mean one.

[18:19] and the veronica is the one with the telekinetic demon classic selma and louise situation it's a

[18:25] real skill and charybdis it's a classic cagney and ghosty that's how it goes laverne and poltergeist

[18:33] so they have this so this one girl whose name is jane they she acts like she's possessed by an evil

[18:40] spirit named evie but jared harris the professor believes that she's a telekinetic she's just

[18:46] making this whole thing up

[18:47] so they embark

[18:48] but also like

[18:48] Jared Harris is like

[18:49] okay if we provoke her

[18:51] into like

[18:52] showing her telekinetic powers

[18:53] we can

[18:54] remove them

[18:55] and solve

[18:57] and that will give us

[18:58] the cure for crazy

[18:59] and solve mental health

[18:59] it's like

[19:01] but wasn't it like

[19:01] also we just need to

[19:02] draw her

[19:03] we need to draw

[19:04] those energies

[19:05] into a different

[19:06] solid

[19:07] existence

[19:09] so they gave her

[19:10] like a doll

[19:10] and they were like

[19:11] oh we can just put

[19:12] all the telekinetic energy

[19:13] in this doll

[19:14] which is crazy

[19:15] because that's normally

[19:16] what you do when there's a demon, right? Or a ghost.

[19:18] You take that demon and you

[19:20] put it in something else and then you burn it up.

[19:22] I don't know. The middle step in this is

[19:24] question mark, question mark, question mark.

[19:25] It's the gnome get rich quicksand

[19:28] itself. Collect underpants,

[19:29] something, get rich.

[19:31] Or collect the money.

[19:33] They go and they embark

[19:36] on a very monotonous series of experiments

[19:38] that are all shot from shaky, hand-held

[19:40] camera where they

[19:41] put... I mean, let's give his

[19:44] camera work a little more credit.

[19:46] I don't think it was shaky.

[19:47] This is the first I've heard of this, Hallie.

[19:49] I was complaining about it the whole movie.

[19:51] And now you're going to stick up for him?

[19:53] I think that's crazy.

[19:53] See, I saw several tripods and wood.

[19:55] Now that the microphones are on, suddenly you don't have a problem with it.

[19:57] Let me just explain.

[20:00] Now, they embark on a series of dimly lit, monotonous experiments.

[20:04] Okay, the lighting I'll get on board with, but I don't think there was shaking.

[20:08] Where, in each experiment, they put...

[20:10] I mean, it was not like Parkinson's shaking, but it was shaking.

[20:13] Daniel.

[20:13] Take it easy.

[20:14] All right.

[20:15] Hey, I apologize to all our Parkinson's listeners.

[20:19] Now, the experiments, they put a brainwave reader headband on Jane

[20:23] and then just tell her basically, hey, get Eva to come over.

[20:27] Bring out, or Evie, get Evie to come over.

[20:29] And there's some thumping and then like a pipe explodes.

[20:32] Because Eva's a robot in WALL-E.

[20:34] Eva's not a demon.

[20:35] If Eva came, then they'd learn the meaning of love.

[20:39] But they're also just trying to keep her disoriented.

[20:42] They're like constantly playing Slade's Come On, Feel the Noise to keep her awake all the time.

[20:46] And they have a kind of flashing epileptic light that just swirls around that she has to look at.

[20:51] But every time.

[20:52] It's supposed to relax her.

[20:54] That was how it was introduced.

[20:56] But every experiment.

[20:57] Yeah, there's nothing more relaxing than a flashing light.

[20:58] Than a random, well, I guess it's not random.

[21:00] But a flashing light or even a rhythmic flashing light.

[21:02] It sends me into a relaxed epileptic state every time I see it.

[21:07] Every experiment goes the same.

[21:08] They tell her to bring out Evie.

[21:10] She is like, uh, and then something like breaks or moves.

[21:15] I don't think this is such a good idea.

[21:17] The camera gets knocked over, and they all run around like fools with their heads cut off.

[21:22] Cut to the next day.

[21:23] Hey, I think we did some good work last night.

[21:26] Let's do another experiment tonight.

[21:27] And this happens roughly 400 times in the movie.

[21:31] But they drink champagne after the escapades to celebrate.

[21:35] Yeah, they're living the high life.

[21:37] The escapades.

[21:38] yeah let's get away i want to take you on an escapade where we torture a telekinetic girl

[21:44] until she makes a doll explode in flame great shenanigans last night

[21:48] we totally tortured that girl everybody let's pop some bottles top notch tomfoolery

[21:54] let's pour the bubbly hijinks and folder all we're second to none get some sparkling in here

[21:59] Yo, you rascals

[22:03] That's Dr. Rascal

[22:05] I didn't spend four years at rascal school

[22:09] I mean, I guess if his name's on the building

[22:13] He should get the title

[22:14] It seems like Chrissy the blonde is

[22:17] I came in as a freshman as a little rascal

[22:19] And now

[22:20] Now I'm a man rascal

[22:21] Well, in only four years

[22:22] Anyway

[22:26] Rascal

[22:26] What?

[22:28] What?

[22:29] Man, rascal, mascal.

[22:30] Keep up!

[22:31] I'm sorry.

[22:32] I'm so busy trying to talk about the movie

[22:34] while Dan makes up his weirdo words.

[22:37] It wasn't even a scary word.

[22:40] No.

[22:40] Mascal?

[22:41] That's why it threw me off.

[22:42] I was like, how is that like a Crypt Keeper scary pun?

[22:45] Mascal?

[22:45] It doesn't even make sense.

[22:47] It scares you with its incomprehensibility.

[22:50] Sure.

[22:51] It sounds like metamucil, which is not scary,

[22:53] although it should be.

[22:55] I always imagined it as some kind of goop that came off a ghost.

[22:57] It's a reminder of your own mortality, dude.

[22:58] I've had it.

[22:59] It's scary.

[23:00] So anyway, Chrissy, the blonde, is sleeping with all the guys except for Brian.

[23:05] Cat food?

[23:05] And Brian has a crush on Jane, the possessed girl.

[23:10] To make a long story short, they keep doing these experiments forever.

[23:14] Tension rises.

[23:15] Everyone gets mad at the professor, and then...

[23:18] I'm going to marry Jane.

[23:19] Sorry.

[23:20] Keep going.

[23:21] I apologize.

[23:23] He's making a Gilligan's Island reference face.

[23:25] Look at Elliot's face.

[23:26] He's so upset right now.

[23:28] i'm just like it's not like i interrupt people all the time but i like to feel my like my

[23:33] interruptions are of a slight cut above that one look am i am i innocent here no i'm as guilty as

[23:41] the unnew driven snow and i'll try i think when i interrupt you i'm contributing to the

[23:48] conversation whether it be a word that sounds like another word or a poop pun

[23:52] all right let's anyway trying to roll them let's keep this ghost train moving casey jones get

[24:00] behind the wheel so uh tensions rise everyone's arguing with everybody else uh and we see more

[24:07] manifestations of evie jane's hands catch on fire at one point she has like a male voice coming out

[24:14] of her there's a she gets that tongue she gets really upset and this long like venom tongue

[24:19] comes out of her but it's like 18 feet long and it looks like cgi special effects because that's

[24:25] what it is and they all freak out because they have never seen cgi special effects this is no

[24:29] whereas now they'd be like oh it's like something in a sci-fi channel movie okay

[24:33] anyway for reasons for reasons that are not totally clear everyone gets mad at everybody

[24:38] and they kind of break up the group brian goes back to oxford and does some research and finds

[24:44] that they're like a cult book section but i think that like the young people kind of form an alliance

[24:49] I don't think there was genuine strife between them.

[24:53] They argue a lot, though.

[24:55] No strife with Drife.

[24:55] But that's just, you know, you're working together.

[24:57] I mean.

[24:58] Nice call, Vax2.

[25:00] Wait, why were you looking at me when you said you're working together in strife?

[25:03] I don't know what that's all about.

[25:05] Anyway.

[25:08] Because you guys all work together.

[25:09] You can't see the hilarious silent take over the podcast airwaves.

[25:14] Just imagine it right now.

[25:16] Old time radio.

[25:19] uh boy uh thunder thunder it sure is stormy outside

[25:23] fibber mcgee's closet uh crash bang a horse is coming

[25:27] i'll warm up next to this cellophane crinkle crinkle crinkle sounds like

[25:32] flames sounds like flames knock knock knock

[25:36] lamont branston is that someone at the door

[25:38] although the one time they used a there was an obvious door opening sound

[25:44] effect in this movie it totally just sounded like a fart right

[25:47] there's a scene where they open a door and it sounds like a fart yeah that was a highlight

[25:52] it was early on in the movie where we still had hopes and dreams for this is a movie that we're

[25:58] still coming up on the other highlight though we haven't gotten to that yet i did like that one bit

[26:01] okay well tell me when we get there because i don't remember it i remember liking nothing

[26:05] anyway one of the manifestations is a symbol appears on jane's body that brian goes to the

[26:10] oxford library's occult book section does some old-fashioned research it's time to put on the

[26:15] elbow polish, and get

[26:17] the gumshoe leather out. Crack open the

[26:19] microfiche. Do the decimal system.

[26:22] Pound the pavement and do

[26:23] the same thing that always solves problems.

[26:25] Research in the library.

[26:27] Decimal system.

[26:29] Mountain Dewey decimal system. Totally extreme

[26:32] system of categorization.

[26:33] Let's put these books

[26:35] in decimal number points.

[26:37] Whee!

[26:37] This is a

[26:41] religion book. Whee!

[26:42] That goes in, I don't know,

[26:44] 1.78 thousand somethings.

[26:47] The occult books are filed under code red.

[26:50] Call in librarians.

[26:50] Our lines are open.

[26:51] It's type of Mountain Dew.

[26:52] It's red Mountain Dew.

[26:53] So anyway, it's interesting that Mountain Dew became like the extreme drink

[26:57] since when it was introduced it was explicitly a hillbilly drink

[27:00] and all the bottles and cans had different hillbillies on them.

[27:04] Wait, it was?

[27:05] Yeah, Mountain Dew means like moonshine.

[27:07] Like it was a hillbilly themed drink.

[27:08] I mean, it still is pretty much a hillbilly drink.

[27:10] But I know someone who once got thrush from drinking so much Mountain Dew

[27:14] but now I'm thinking maybe it was just a

[27:16] demon? Wait, somebody who got thrush?

[27:19] What does that mean? Like a bird?

[27:20] It's like what people with AIDS

[27:23] get when they're very ill

[27:25] and their throat

[27:26] it's a sickness in their

[27:29] look it up people

[27:30] and a small thrush. But it was just from too much

[27:32] Mountain Dew or was it just drinking

[27:35] Mountain Dew and not having real

[27:36] food? I think that that

[27:38] played into it. First off

[27:40] as a representative of the Mountain Dew company

[27:44] It's pronounced M-T-N-Dew.

[27:45] We changed the spelling on the cans because Mountain Dew drinkers don't have time for all the letters.

[27:49] So you're suggesting good job.

[27:50] There's actually no real mountains used in the...

[27:53] No, no.

[27:53] We take a mountain and we squeeze the dew out of it.

[27:55] It's a way of tapping the Rockies.

[27:58] Good job, Hallie.

[28:00] We'll never have Mountain Dew as a sponsor now.

[28:02] But you were suggesting that perhaps your friend...

[28:05] But look up thrush, people.

[28:05] Yeah, that it might have been a demon possession.

[28:08] Mountain demon?

[28:09] And also just make sure you don't have it.

[28:10] Wait, thrush?

[28:12] He was self-tested, guys.

[28:14] Can you do self-tests?

[28:16] What if you have Rush, the band?

[28:18] Well, like on CD?

[28:20] Yeah, yeah.

[28:21] Is that the same thing?

[28:22] Did you buy it drinking Mountain Dew?

[28:26] Yeah, yeah.

[28:27] I turned in all my Mountain Dew cans

[28:29] and I got enough to buy a Rush CD.

[28:30] And then the CD got lodged in my throat.

[28:33] So it's Thrush.

[28:34] Anyway, this doesn't make any sense.

[28:38] The point is, he finds out that the symbol on Jane's body...

[28:42] You can't talk about things that don't make sense anymore in this podcast?

[28:45] Not anymore.

[28:45] That's going to be a problem.

[28:45] This is now the sense-making plophouse.

[28:47] We learned about Allie's friend with thrush.

[28:49] I feel like things just stopped getting polite and started getting real.

[28:53] So, excuse me.

[28:55] Real talk, Elliot.

[28:57] What happens in the rest of this fucking movie?

[28:59] So, he finds out that it's a symbol from a demon cult led by a guy who suspiciously looks like a young Jared Harris.

[29:06] Don't worry.

[29:07] Red herring.

[29:07] Don't worry.

[29:08] It goes nowhere.

[29:08] Never remarked upon.

[29:10] Only remarked upon by us.

[29:11] It almost feels like the movie is trying to get...

[29:14] I was the only one watching it.

[29:15] It almost feels like the movie is trying to get the characters

[29:17] to understand what's going on,

[29:19] and the characters are too stupid to realize it.

[29:21] The movie is like,

[29:22] guys, Richard Harris is totally a demon-type guy.

[29:26] And the character's like,

[29:27] uh, no, I don't think so.

[29:29] Sorry, movie.

[29:30] Some of the characters try to leave the experiment

[29:32] only to be almost killed in a steamy room,

[29:35] like an early Flophouse film,

[29:37] The Chaos Experiment.

[29:38] Or The Steam Experiment.

[29:40] What was it called?

[29:40] The Steam Experiment.

[29:41] The steam chaos experiment.

[29:43] Yeah.

[29:44] The spearmint gum.

[29:45] The chaos spearmint.

[29:48] I have a theory that global warming can be simulated by giving everyone gum.

[29:52] Professor Val Kilmer, you're wrong.

[29:55] They said I was wrong when they fired me from the gas station I work at.

[30:01] Wait, so are you not even really a professor?

[30:04] Well, I like to think I teach the cars about how to drive more by putting gas in them.

[30:10] Well, yes.

[30:11] It's a liquids curriculum.

[30:12] I'd like to call myself a Dr. Pepper.

[30:16] That's the soda that I would sell at the gas station.

[30:19] Hi, Dr. Pepper.

[30:20] Barry Pepper.

[30:21] I have an honorary doctorate.

[30:22] But you can call me Dr. Pepper.

[30:26] So, Dr. Pepper and Mountain Dew, huh?

[30:27] Any other sodas we want to talk about?

[30:29] One's a doctor, one's a mountain.

[30:33] Is this your movie pitch?

[30:33] It's a doctor and a mountain who have to team up to solve a crime.

[30:37] The crime?

[30:38] The world's oceans have disappeared.

[30:41] And it seems like the world's most famous ocean thief is still in jail.

[30:45] How could he have done it?

[30:46] Turns out at the end it was his wife.

[30:48] Okay, well, that seems anticlimactic.

[30:52] And they have to get there in time to save...

[30:54] Aniclimactic.

[30:54] They have to get there in time...

[30:56] The villain Aniclimactic.

[30:57] Anclimactic.

[30:58] But they have to get there in time to save Billy Ocean,

[31:01] who's been locked up in a room with the other oceans,

[31:03] which are, of course, water, so he's drowning.

[31:05] Fair enough.

[31:08] Anyway, so that's a little movie called Dr. Pepper and Mountain Dew, Cops on the Run.

[31:12] Colon Caribbean Queen.

[31:14] So they go back and confront the professor, and basically, to make a long story short,

[31:24] it turns out Jane and Evie are the same person.

[31:27] Evie is not a figment of her imagination, not a demon or a ghost.

[31:31] Jane was actually a girl named Evie who had paranormal powers

[31:36] and was used in some sort of ritual by a satanic group.

[31:39] Did you get any of this?

[31:40] Yeah.

[31:41] The satanic group was killed in a fire that burned down their house.

[31:44] Turns out Jane slash Evie set that fire with her mind to kill them all,

[31:48] but she survived.

[31:49] The cops gave her a new identity so she could start a new life, but...

[31:52] I didn't realize the cops gave it to her.

[31:54] Yeah, but Evie, the repressed...

[31:56] But her repressed...

[31:58] She's just like Kristen from Top Chef.

[32:00] So nice of them.

[32:01] Who was given a name by the police.

[32:03] Right.

[32:04] In Korea.

[32:06] But anyway, that's for Top Chef fans.

[32:07] But they went on to have such different destinies.

[32:11] Yeah, one became a model and a Top Chef champion.

[32:14] The other eventually died because her demon self exploded.

[32:17] Spoiler alert, dude.

[32:18] So anyway, I'm getting to that point.

[32:20] Wait, for the Top Chef person or for...

[32:23] Kind of.

[32:23] Evie Jane uses her powers to kill a couple people.

[32:26] It's only Brian and the professor left.

[32:29] The professor beats up Brian.

[32:31] He's unconscious.

[32:32] The professor ties him up and decides...

[32:34] Oh, yeah, that was great.

[32:35] That was the part you were talking about.

[32:36] He's going to stop Evie Jane's heart so that the negative telekinetic energies can vaporize or something.

[32:44] But Brian doesn't like it, and he continues to punch Brian, like, pretty often.

[32:50] Yeah, Jared Harris really beats the shit out of this kid.

[32:53] There are times when he just excessively walks over and just kicks the kid who's still down, which is pretty funny.

[33:00] Brian manages to escape, and he brings Jane back to life.

[33:03] But then she locks herself in her room and kills herself by immolating herself with fire.

[33:10] Cut to Brian, now looking a lot crazier, is sitting in a chair.

[33:15] And kind of fatter.

[33:16] Did anyone else pick up on that?

[33:17] Yeah, he looks fatter and older.

[33:18] He's bloated.

[33:19] It looked like it was.

[33:20] I mean, he probably has a lot of salt in the institutional food.

[33:24] Yeah.

[33:24] No, but it looked like he had gotten there for like his 20-year high school reunion or something.

[33:29] Guys, let's meet back here in 20 years if we're still all not on fire.

[33:34] And he tells them that everyone died because of this telekinetic ghost demon thing.

[33:40] They're saying, no, there's no film.

[33:42] All the film burned up in the house.

[33:44] And Brian starts.

[33:46] They're accusing him.

[33:47] They're saying you killed him.

[33:48] They're saying you killed everybody.

[33:49] And Brian starts laughing and his hands start to smoke just like Janie's did.

[33:54] And then the movie cuts out and everyone's left disappointed.

[33:57] So let me be honest with you.

[33:59] This was not a very good movie, but there were times during the movie when I was like, you know what?

[34:03] This could turn into like a so-so, like, okay, stupid horror movie.

[34:07] It doesn't have to be great.

[34:08] Sure, it's poorly lit.

[34:09] You can't see what's going on half the time.

[34:11] Sure, they're just repeating the same scenes over and over again.

[34:13] But look, there was some genuine tension at times.

[34:16] I like Jared Harris a lot.

[34:17] He's a great actor.

[34:18] The movie then made it to—

[34:19] Yeah, I mean, you've seen him perform on stage.

[34:21] As Hamlet, the greatest of dramatic roles.

[34:24] John Barrymore performed that role, as did Ralph Richardson.

[34:27] But what is the motivation for being in this movie if you're him?

[34:32] Cha-ching.

[34:34] But do you really think it's like a cha-ching?

[34:37] Oh, I forgot to mention, it turns out that the kid,

[34:40] the little boy that Jared Harris has filmed of him trying to help

[34:43] release this evil telekinetic power, it turns out was his son.

[34:47] And that's why he's so dedicated to this.

[34:49] Why would Jared Harris do it?

[34:50] I wouldn't be surprised if...

[34:51] He's got a lead role.

[34:52] Yeah, it's a lead role for a guy who's usually a supporting player,

[34:54] and as someone who...

[34:56] I mean, he's not the lead role, though.

[34:59] I think we all know it's the romance between...

[35:02] Jane and Brian?

[35:03] Yeah.

[35:04] So it's not either of those characters,

[35:05] but the romance is the lead role.

[35:07] It's an intangible lead.

[35:09] That's why the posters said,

[35:10] the romance between Brian and Jane in The Quiet Ones.

[35:14] Said starring romance.

[35:15] And introducing the romance, The Quiet Buns.

[35:18] It's a bakery movie about a deaf baker.

[35:20] It's just like that Silence of the Lambs.

[35:24] Normally a baker can hear the buns bake, but this quiet, this except paper cannot.

[35:29] It's also called Silence of the Buns.

[35:30] He just has to use his nose now.

[35:33] Yeah, he bakes by nose.

[35:34] I mean, he can see also.

[35:35] But his nose is heightened.

[35:36] Starring Gerard Depardieu.

[35:37] He wears a blindfold.

[35:38] Just to keep it, just to be, just to make it sound.

[35:42] To be double blind.

[35:43] To stage.

[35:44] Although the thing is, the nose would help you much more in baking than your ears ever would.

[35:47] It's not like you're going to hear the buns being like, I'm done now.

[35:50] You would smell it, though.

[35:52] Are you a baker?

[35:53] I'm not a baker.

[35:54] I'm just a faker.

[35:55] I thought that's it.

[35:55] Are you a candlestick maker?

[35:57] I have made a candlestick or two.

[35:59] Here's what I like.

[36:00] Here's what I would also,

[36:01] wouldn't be surprised if Jared Harris,

[36:03] being from the UK,

[36:04] has some nostalgia for Hammer films,

[36:08] and this is one of the films

[36:10] from the new, brought back to life,

[36:12] revived from the dead, you might say,

[36:14] Hammer horror films.

[36:15] Like a regular Frankenstein.

[36:17] This is Monster.

[36:18] Like an irregular Frankenstein.

[36:19] And Hammer is,

[36:21] I mean, I have a nostalgia for Hammer films,

[36:22] and I grew up decades after their heyday and not in England.

[36:25] Me too.

[36:26] I was a huge fan of him, not only in his heyday, the pants era.

[36:33] You really didn't want him to hurt them.

[36:37] Please, Hammer Horror Films, you said, don't hurt them.

[36:41] No other movies can touch you.

[36:45] It was too legit.

[36:46] This movie is too legit to watch.

[36:48] Stop making...

[36:49] Adam's family.

[36:50] But this movie ended up just really disappointing me in a way that I was mad about.

[36:53] The scene that I was referencing that I liked was the scene where the guy...

[36:58] Where the girl takes a bath.

[37:00] Yeah.

[37:00] And you see her nipple for like a second.

[37:02] That was a good scene.

[37:03] Half a second.

[37:03] Barely even.

[37:04] Not even.

[37:05] But I also enjoyed the scene where the main guy's like, look, no one's going to believe

[37:11] this even if we're filming it.

[37:12] There could be all these tricks.

[37:12] And he's like, oh, there could be something hidden inside this doll.

[37:17] And he just stabs the doll to show that there could be something inside of it.

[37:20] And then upstairs, the lady screams, and she's, like, all bloody.

[37:24] Oh, I forgot about that part.

[37:25] And then in the next scene, like, they give her the doll as if to say, like, here, you hold this.

[37:30] It's probably safer with you.

[37:32] You have the best motivation for not stabbing this doll.

[37:35] Thanks for stabbing my doll.

[37:40] That was really great.

[37:42] Well, I mean, she ripped all the fucking hair out of him.

[37:44] Like, at that point, you're like, fuck it.

[37:46] You can do whatever you want to this doll.

[37:47] It's garbage.

[37:49] It's like one of the misfit toys in Sid's bedroom in Toy Story.

[37:53] So you should stab it.

[37:54] With a hairless doll.

[37:54] Nobody wants that.

[37:56] Yeah, last doll is retail value, I'd say.

[37:58] Are you going to resell it?

[38:01] On the secondary doll market.

[38:03] The doll black market.

[38:06] There was a 99 cent store in a mall near where I grew up.

[38:09] And I remember once just poking through it when I was waiting for a movie.

[38:12] Like there's a movie theater in the mall and I was waiting for the time to go to the movies.

[38:15] And just poking through the stuff in the bins.

[38:18] You're going to see Baby Last Dinosaur?

[38:20] Yeah, probably like Jerky Boys or something.

[38:22] Probably Searching for Bobby Fischer.

[38:25] Yeah, that's what it was.

[38:27] As a kid, I loved chess movies.

[38:29] Do you know the only movie I ever walked out of in the theater

[38:34] was Searching for Bobby Fischer?

[38:35] What's weird is that Searching for Bobby Fischer was such a loose adaptation

[38:43] of Where's Waldo?

[38:43] I don't even remember the chess plot from Waldo.

[38:48] And it's weird that they changed Waldo's name.

[38:50] They wanted to be less ethnic.

[38:52] Well, there was a lot of Fido Dido stuff going on at the time,

[38:58] and they thought Waldo sounded too similar.

[39:00] So wait, why did you leave the theater?

[39:05] I don't know.

[39:06] I was like, I'm so outraged at how bored I am.

[39:10] Searching for Borey Fisher.

[39:12] But there was like a very attractive TPCY right next to the movie theater.

[39:17] Very attractive.

[39:18] Like it was in a Speedo?

[39:19] It was kind of aloof.

[39:23] But you saw this before you entered the theater.

[39:27] That's all she could think about.

[39:29] And then it was just like in your head.

[39:29] She couldn't think about it.

[39:30] I was just like, oh, God.

[39:31] She's like, I could be a TCVY.

[39:32] I'm seeing my next move and it's TCVY.

[39:35] I've got this movie called Searching for the Best Yogurt.

[39:37] Here's the story I was just going to tell.

[39:40] And it's boring, so I'll tell it quick.

[39:41] I was searching through the bins at this 99 cent store.

[39:43] And there was just a doll's head in one of the bins.

[39:46] And I was like, was this attached to a doll at any point?

[39:49] Or were they just trying to sell the head?

[39:51] And I immediately wanted to buy that head.

[39:53] I don't see a price tag, so maybe it's a patron.

[39:55] Sorry, doll's head.

[39:57] I forgot you were shopping here.

[40:00] This collection of Steward's trading cards are all mine.

[40:04] I'll just barter.

[40:06] Make best offer.

[40:09] How do I get for this doll's head?

[40:11] I gave you three bookmarks and one slap bracelet.

[40:16] this is the kind of stuff i'd have on me as a kid or the bar system i don't believe you had

[40:22] slap bracelets on you i had slap bracelets i'll give you three dinosaurs attacks cards

[40:28] no they're friendship bracelets those are slap bracelets

[40:32] my friends slap me all the time uh really handcuffs the ultimate slap bracelet

[40:39] now so here's the thing about this movie why dan oh wait oh so so you like that one scene

[40:49] where the where the dog gets stabbed and she's there and that is a good scene i'll give you that

[40:53] that in a better movie that would have been a very memorable scene i mean also in a bad movie

[40:58] it was a very memorable scene because it was surrounded by dross yeah so a couple of things

[41:02] that, so this movie

[41:04] went too often to the well of

[41:06] mixing the dialogue very low

[41:08] only to have the occasional

[41:10] like scares super

[41:12] loud. That's such a common thing.

[41:14] The other thing is

[41:16] But I'm, by the way, I will say

[41:18] I'm so vulnerable to that usually

[41:20] and I was not scared at most of those

[41:22] surprising moments.

[41:24] When like the camera fell on the floor and then

[41:26] loud noises? Yeah, it didn't get me.

[41:28] I mean, I was watching it with you jerk

[41:30] off. And the lights were pretty loud.

[41:32] We were jerking off the whole time.

[41:34] So you were feeling more disgusted than scared?

[41:36] I was just uncomfortable.

[41:36] And by jerking off, we were turning off our Jerky Boys tapes.

[41:40] And Callie was like, turn those Jerky Boys tapes back on.

[41:47] How can you even understand three different Jerky Boys tapes playing at the same time?

[41:52] Also, shouldn't you have those on CD?

[41:53] They're from the mid-'90s.

[41:55] Early-'90s?

[41:56] Early-'90s, let's say.

[41:57] But let's say this for the movie.

[41:59] The blonde girl in it wore a couple different hats.

[42:02] She wore many hats.

[42:03] My favorite comment throughout the movie was

[42:07] Stewart's, that we knew she was going to die

[42:10] because she stopped wearing hats.

[42:12] She had lost her reason to live.

[42:15] We knew they were phasing her out.

[42:17] Would she stop wearing those great hats?

[42:18] We ran out of all the hats for her.

[42:20] Time to kill this character.

[42:21] Now, this is a movie that feels like

[42:23] it wanted to be an R-rated movie,

[42:25] but was PG-13.

[42:27] It kept avoiding showing nudity or blood

[42:31] in a way that was...

[42:32] For a movie with two bathtub scenes,

[42:34] there was basically no nudity.

[42:37] And for, let's face it, like a Hammer movie.

[42:39] Like, Hammer horror movies

[42:40] kind of revolutionized blood

[42:43] in English horror movies, at the very least.

[42:46] Like, to have a squeamish, not bloody Hammer movie

[42:49] is really...

[42:50] Like, they were pretty lurid

[42:51] for horror movies of the 50s through 70s.

[42:54] So to have this be kind of like,

[42:55] bleh, okay, something bad's gonna happen,

[42:58] but it'll happen offscreen.

[42:59] So this is also weird because for a movie that –

[43:02] Christopher Lee would be rolling in his grave if he was not still alive.

[43:05] I mean, he probably still sleeps in a coffin, right?

[43:07] I mean, he's Dracula.

[43:08] There's an episode of – I forget what –

[43:12] How I Met Your Mother.

[43:15] I forget what interview chat show it is on England where Christopher Lee was the guest.

[43:19] And the episode's from either the late 70s or early 80s.

[43:22] And the host comes out – I want to say it's like Terry Wogan or something.

[43:25] He comes out in a coffin, in a cape,

[43:27] and he walks over to where Christopher Lee is sitting there,

[43:29] and Christopher Lee is noticeably unamused.

[43:32] He does not care for all this Dracula shenanigans.

[43:36] He's like, why aren't you asking me about Count Dooku,

[43:40] the character I'm working on for the next 20 years?

[43:43] My next count.

[43:44] Well, it's like when in the deleted,

[43:46] like in the special features on Attack of the Clones

[43:50] where George Lucas turns around a Yoda stand-up

[43:53] that has Dracula fangs on it in front of Christopher Lee,

[43:56] and you can see Christopher Lee's like,

[43:58] how do I deal with this and not lose this gig?

[44:01] Why aren't people making Saruman jokes?

[44:05] We should wrap this up with our Shocktober final judgment.

[44:11] Oh, is it spookily mattifying, scarily good, or wormily not so good?

[44:20] The category is, is it totally scarifying, totally snorifying, or frighteningly funny?

[44:27] Elliot?

[44:28] I'm going to have to go with totally snorifying on this.

[44:31] It had the potential to be totally scarifying at times, but then it was not.

[44:35] Yeah, I'm going to say totally snorifying.

[44:37] Jared Harris was good.

[44:38] The movie was not.

[44:40] Jared Harris is good.

[44:41] I mean, Jared Harris does a lot of good with his part.

[44:43] Yeah.

[44:43] And he is...

[44:45] I hate to say his name in the same sentence as snorifying.

[44:48] He is never snorifying, and only once was he frighteningly funny in Lincoln.

[44:53] But otherwise, he's really great.

[44:55] So, Stuart, you say snorifying or no?

[44:57] Yeah, I'll go snorifying.

[44:59] I feel like for a movie that nothing—it's surprisingly boring.

[45:05] There's a lot of cheap scares.

[45:06] Totally borifying.

[45:07] And they could have put a little more effort into just building the world

[45:10] to make the few scares that they did have pay off more.

[45:13] Give us some more character.

[45:15] Give us some more settings, some more anything.

[45:17] Salvation, for fuck's sake.

[45:18] You were saying if this is an element, it would be boron.

[45:22] Hallie, what do you say?

[45:24] I don't put words in my mouth.

[45:25] It was boring.

[45:25] It was boron.

[45:27] It was so snorifying?

[45:28] Yeah.

[45:28] So before we move on to our next segment, there's a little housekeeping.

[45:34] Oh, should it...

[45:36] Rarow!

[45:36] Like Windex and stuff?

[45:38] Do we need that?

[45:38] Yeah.

[45:39] Get me the duster.

[45:39] First off, by now...

[45:42] Also a house cat.

[45:43] First off, by now listeners will know, because of the intro, we have joined the Maximum Fun

[45:51] network of podcasts.

[45:52] We wanted to join the Maximum Overdrive network of podcasts, but Stuart got hit in the crotch

[45:59] with a soda can spat out of an evil soda machine, so we decided not to join.

[46:05] But just to answer...

[46:06] It's a Maximum Overdrive thing.

[46:08] Yeah, sure.

[46:08] Emilio Estevez and whatnot.

[46:11] There's a green gal.

[46:12] I believe his name was Helmelio Helstavis of the Dead Fist Club.

[46:18] But I just wanted to answer a few questions before they're asked.

[46:24] Number one.

[46:26] Eight inches.

[46:27] We've had no falling out with all things comedy.

[46:29] That's how tall an eight-inch person is.

[46:31] No, this was a very amicable split.

[46:34] Yeah, we're still friends with our good friend, Mr. Owl Magical.

[46:38] Who is a fantastic and amazing person.

[46:40] Yes.

[46:40] Irreconcilable differences

[46:42] That's what I heard

[46:43] I don't know where you heard that from

[46:46] It's just all things comedies

[46:47] Goals were different than ours

[46:49] So we feel like Max Fun

[46:51] So you couldn't make a life together

[46:53] You didn't want to raise each other's

[46:54] You didn't want to raise children in the same way

[46:56] Yeah we were doing an old child swap

[47:00] They were going to raise our children

[47:01] We were going to raise their children

[47:03] What a nightmare

[47:04] Usually the phrase creative differences

[47:07] Is used to paper over

[47:09] a real disagreement, but this was...

[47:11] And I heard it was used in this instance.

[47:13] No, but this was a case where,

[47:15] as Dan said, their ends

[47:17] and our ends are not the same, and this

[47:19] feels like a better fit.

[47:20] They want world domination, and we're just trying to put out

[47:23] a good podcast. We're just a couple of dudes

[47:25] hanging out, man. With one dudette.

[47:27] The house cat.

[47:29] That's right, the house cat's a woman.

[47:31] Man, two of them in one episode. This is amazing.

[47:33] So, but also,

[47:35] just to reassure our

[47:37] listeners, nothing's going to change.

[47:39] under uh our new max fun home oh except uh stewart's being fired yeah i'm being fired

[47:45] who's replacing me again uh a uh i think cole hauser oh okay i'll allow it but we're good he

[47:52] wants to be called the slaw oh that's interesting like cole slaw hauser okay with the slaw i think

[47:58] it's weird but he's he loves mayonnaise okay uh same for dan nays mayonnaise made by dan

[48:07] Oh, Crypt Keeper's product Mayhem Nays.

[48:10] If you hear any differences in the show, it'll just be that we'll now be promoting other Maximum Fund podcasts

[48:18] and we'll take part in their donation drive in the spring.

[48:22] Speaking of which, their donation drive is not until the spring.

[48:25] So if you want to support the Flophouse through donations, you can go to MaximumFund.org

[48:30] slash donate and specify that you're donating for the Flophouse.

[48:36] But they've got a lot of great podcasts.

[48:37] There's Fishbowl, Meat Talkin'.

[48:40] No, these are not actual.

[48:41] Up in the Sky.

[48:42] No.

[48:42] Flieger Bombers.

[48:44] Who brought that sandwich?

[48:45] That's a good one, where every week they talk about a guy who brought a sandwich somewhere.

[48:49] French Braids.

[48:50] French Braids is a good one.

[48:52] Let's not forget World of Gorm.

[48:54] And of course, there's also Fan Blasters, the fan review site, where they review different

[49:01] types of ceiling fans.

[49:03] And the, is that a wart?

[49:06] I mean it turns out most of the time it is it is yeah there's a visual component but you don't

[49:10] want that and of course door cats okay well thanks for all those lies can a cat and a door

[49:16] be the same we find out in door cats they ask the hard questions hard like a door soft like a cat

[49:24] made for you made for a cat but I like it too why are you eating cat food grandpa

[49:36] What was that? Was the door slowing?

[49:39] Really? Because it sounded like hands clapping

[49:42] Sounds like somebody showed up

[49:43] and gave the house cat a high five

[49:45] Foley effects

[49:48] Stomping, stomping, punch sounds

[49:51] Cram

[49:52] The sound of slumbo running

[49:54] Wait, what is that?

[49:57] The sound effects

[49:57] What's that the onomatopoeia for?

[50:00] Dan's just making up sounds

[50:04] quiz

[50:05] so

[50:08] speaking of donations

[50:11] thanks to Jill H for her

[50:13] way too generous donation

[50:14] thanks Jill

[50:15] my sister's name is Jillian

[50:18] and my last name is Haglin

[50:20] do you think it was her

[50:21] it probably was

[50:22] how generous was like a million dollars

[50:25] yeah we can retire

[50:27] so thanks to Maximum Fun

[50:29] we're not making any more shows

[50:31] Maximum Fun of course was founded

[50:34] by maxwell funenstein okay sure he named it for himself max fun yeah yeah max maxwell funenstein

[50:40] funenstein of stuttgart oh interesting and uh he had a he had a vision i mean that's a southern

[50:47] town so he should have visions yeah he had he had a simple vision a world of with only germans in it

[50:53] oh luckily his vision max one has kind of changed it's it's uh it's uh precepts over time now it's

[51:00] more about fun podcasts. Podcasts like

[51:01] Floor Stompers,

[51:03] TV, or Yes TV,

[51:05] The Radiator Talks,

[51:07] Those are the options?

[51:08] The Guinness Podcast

[51:12] of World

[51:12] Steckers. World Checkers.

[51:16] Let's see.

[51:17] And what was that podcast you were on, Hallie?

[51:20] Rugs.

[51:21] No, that was the one

[51:24] about toupees and carpets, right?

[51:25] Yeah. And we

[51:28] had to guess which one. Yeah, and let's not

[51:29] forget bag fuckers the only podcast where they review the sexual possibilities behind different

[51:35] bags i mean that one that one doesn't pull any punches no oh no i'll tell you what it's not

[51:41] afraid who it offends yeah try to ride a subway without getting a boner after that podcast i'll

[51:46] tell you what podcast does pull its punches punch pullers do you have a punch that needs pulling

[51:53] call the punch pullers they'll travel anywhere in the country and pull a punch for you hey you

[51:59] Pulled my punch.

[52:00] Right.

[52:01] Jesus Christ.

[52:02] I've got two more announcements.

[52:03] He's got a podcast on Facebook, too.

[52:04] That's another podcast, too.

[52:05] Jesus Christ, I've got more letters.

[52:07] And it's a guy reads letters to Jesus.

[52:10] I'm God to the letters.

[52:11] Jesus answers them.

[52:11] Just two more quick announcements.

[52:14] As of this taping, there's still 12 seats for the Yonkers show on October the 18th left.

[52:22] How are there still 12 seats left?

[52:24] This is I Know Who Killed You, people.

[52:26] Perfect for the disciples.

[52:27] You're right.

[52:29] If you're the apostles.

[52:29] Oh, yeah, that's.

[52:31] The disciples are the apostles' enemies in WCW.

[52:36] Yeah, it's the other softball team in the intramural Jesus softball league.

[52:39] So, get on that.

[52:42] So, show up those apostles' disciples and sign up now.

[52:46] There's 12 seats left.

[52:48] You can still buy the tickets, but don't.

[52:50] I would advise against showing up on Yonkers Day and getting tickets, trying to get tickets day of.

[52:56] It's not going to happen.

[52:56] And, by the way, happy Yonkers Day.

[52:59] Traffic on Yonkers Day is terrible.

[53:01] Oh, it's awful, but the Yonkers Day Parade is one of my favorites.

[53:04] So many Yonkers.

[53:05] Founded by Jebediah Yonkers, Yonkers Day celebrates all that is Yonkers.

[53:12] It started Yonk, and then it just got Yonker.

[53:15] Jebediah, known for creating Mountain Dew from his mountain fastness.

[53:21] And lastly.

[53:22] Lastly in the announcement section.

[53:26] By the time you hear this.

[53:27] Lastly, Lagland.

[53:28] By the time you hear this, voting will be open for our contest seeking the new Song of the Autumn.

[53:34] Song of the Autumn.

[53:35] Last autumn's song was, of course, he's the house cat, parentheses, Arthur's theme.

[53:40] But if you go to flophousepodcast.com, I'll have all the songs up for you to vote.

[53:48] How many options are there?

[53:49] How many candidates?

[53:50] As of right now, I think there are nine or ten of those.

[53:54] That's a lot.

[53:54] Yeah.

[53:54] Okay.

[53:55] So go there and vote.

[53:58] Are any of them from David Byrne?

[53:59] No.

[53:59] It's going to be tough because you're picking between all champions.

[54:03] But you have to pick one.

[54:05] Unfortunately, as with Highlanders, there can only be one.

[54:08] But now, moving into letters.

[54:12] Everything is butts with you.

[54:13] Yeah, everything is butts.

[54:15] Our first letter of the evening.

[54:18] First letter of the evening.

[54:21] First letter of the night.

[54:24] First letter for a time of fright.

[54:27] Shocked over letters tonight

[54:29] Kind of look close

[54:31] To someone who can protect you

[54:33] From the ghosts in the letters

[54:35] They're ghost written

[54:36] Cause they're ghost letters

[54:38] Shocked over ghost letters like this

[54:40] Dear Flophouse I'm a ghost

[54:42] I lost my keys

[54:44] Do you know where I'm a ghost

[54:47] No pockets in here

[54:48] I can get through the door

[54:50] Should I tie a knot

[54:53] Hallie I don't know what that means

[54:57] Why is this ghost asking about his keys?

[55:00] Because he lost them.

[55:01] When you lose something, you should tie a knot.

[55:04] I lost my key.

[55:05] This letter song got weird.

[55:05] I lost my keys.

[55:07] You know, like you'd lose the cure for cancer?

[55:08] Yep.

[55:09] Ghost Connery.

[55:11] I found the cure for pizza, but I lost it.

[55:14] Kind of like how you lose your cheese.

[55:16] I've been workshopping this medicine man, pizza man reboot.

[55:22] You've got to do that, John.

[55:25] You've got to do that at Caroline's.

[55:26] see how that works out caroline's in the city so continue with the letters dan now that my song

[55:32] was rudely destroyed by hallie so this is called uh it goes like this joyous shocktober flop house

[55:39] or should i say boyless shocktober chop house pretty good with the approach of the spookiest

[55:46] of all months i've realized i've got a few totally scarifying questions begging to be released for

[55:51] the from the dungeons of my mind and i was hoping the original moldy peaches could answer them for

[55:55] me however that indie band has been a hiatus for about a decade so perhaps internet radio's favorite

[56:01] ghostly trio can answer them for me the first quattro or perhaps trio goes to burt skellington

[56:09] okay do you prefer your mid-80s through early 90s creature features to have a heavy metal song or

[56:14] hip-hop track playing over the end credits i'm partial to the ending rap songs from waxwork 2

[56:19] lost in time and maniac cop 2 but to have a soft spot in my heart or someone's heart for dream

[56:24] warriors by docking from nightmare three and man behind the mask by alice cooper that's the thing

[56:30] the the dream warriors by docking is great and i remember when i'm i'm sure i've shared this story

[56:36] but dan and i watched that uh watched on like vhs or some shit yeah and after the movie they showed

[56:43] the music video and at like the music video is like docking hanging out in a fucking dreamscape

[56:49] rocking out. And after the video

[56:51] it cuts to Freddy Krueger

[56:52] in bed and he wakes up from this

[56:54] horrible nightmare and I guess

[56:57] he's like wearing all his gear and shit

[56:58] and he looks at the camera and he's like

[57:00] who were those guys?

[57:02] Which is awesome because it's like

[57:04] I guess scares Freddy Krueger.

[57:06] It's like the

[57:07] Guns N' Roses Waste of Ammunition

[57:10] bit from the end of

[57:11] the You Could Be Mine video.

[57:13] And that

[57:16] Terminator recognizes each of the members

[57:18] the band. Yeah, because

[57:19] the Terminator's not going to waste his ammo on Guns

[57:22] and Roses. They're going to be shitty in like 20 years.

[57:24] He's like, I'll let them destroy themselves

[57:26] with Chinese democracy.

[57:27] So, alright, I assume a vote

[57:30] for the rock. Always

[57:32] rock. The thing is that I love the

[57:34] there's nothing better than a movie that ends

[57:36] with a guitar squeal.

[57:37] So, the second

[57:40] That was more of a big oink.

[57:42] It was a big oink.

[57:43] That's not what it squeals outside.

[57:48] the second question which is more of a dead shun is for helliot whalen who do you prefer

[57:56] or if a ghost was asking this question boo boo boo prefer this is really going way overboard

[58:03] personally i became quite the fan of mr karloff after reading the excellent biography boris

[58:08] karloff a gentleman's life however mr legosi did meet a brooklyn gorilla it's very true uh i have

[58:14] gone actually back and forth between the two of them throughout my life for a long time i was a

[58:19] much bigger boris karloff fan and i really didn't like belagosi when i was younger and then i as i

[58:24] got older i came to get him more uh and i go back and forth on him but i it's hard for me to pick a

[58:30] favorite they both have such unique styles and they both have such different feels to them the

[58:37] kind of decadent old

[58:39] world Eastern Europe of Bela Lugosi

[58:41] and the sophisticated

[58:43] yet monstrous

[58:45] English qualities of

[58:47] Boris Karloff. So I know they're both great

[58:49] and it's hard to choose and that's why

[58:51] The Black Cat is my favorite of their movies

[58:53] because they're both in it and they're both great in it.

[58:55] Just so you guys know, Lulu

[58:57] is doing a lot of crazy

[58:59] shit on the rug right now so

[59:01] it's hard for anyone to pay

[59:03] attention to. Lulu is desperately trying

[59:05] to take... Hallie means Hallie.

[59:07] And that's the thing is that-

[59:08] If she's not talking, it's because she's-

[59:10] She's watching a cat play with a toy mouse.

[59:12] Like a toy.

[59:13] The least crazy thing a cat could do.

[59:15] I sense Elliot's a little upset that we're not paying attention to him right now.

[59:20] I mean-

[59:21] I'm talking important stuff here.

[59:23] Karloff and Lugosi.

[59:24] All right, so-

[59:26] I have to say, though, also, it's hard for me now to not feel more sympathy for Bill Lugosi

[59:30] since Boris Karloff had-

[59:32] Oh, I thought you were going to say it's hard for me to not feel more sympathy for cats

[59:36] now that I have a baby.

[59:37] Nope, not a sentence

[59:39] that was going to come out of my mouth.

[59:40] They're basically the same.

[59:42] They're very similar.

[59:43] And not at all.

[59:44] But it is.

[59:45] They don't roll around.

[59:47] They lick stuff.

[59:47] They do really cute things

[59:49] that preoccupy you.

[59:50] That's true.

[59:51] They both can't control

[59:52] their own pooping.

[59:53] Actually, cats can.

[59:55] They have a place for it.

[59:57] Then that's one up for cats.

[59:57] Point cats in this one.

[59:58] Boris Karloff's life

[1:00:00] went a lot better than Bela Lugosi's.

[1:00:02] And so I feel kind of like

[1:00:03] the sympathy for Bela Lugosi too.

[1:00:06] I was thinking

[1:00:08] Bella Caroli this whole time

[1:00:10] I was a little confused

[1:00:12] More sympathy for Bella Caroli

[1:00:14] Who can forget when a carry strug landed on that

[1:00:16] That fractured leg and then

[1:00:18] Bella Caroli swooped in and carried her away

[1:00:20] He's like you can do it

[1:00:22] And then he sucked the blood out of her

[1:00:24] My gymnast of the night

[1:00:26] What sweet jumps you make

[1:00:28] Thanks for the effort

[1:00:30] I'm bats over you

[1:00:33] that's the vampire valentine's day card you drive me batty it would suck if i didn't know you

[1:00:41] uh and that's my valentine are you sick you seem to have a little cough in

[1:00:50] that's a stretch a little cough it's a big stretch she's tiny yeah she's a gymnast she's a child who

[1:00:59] dies you've got a little coffin yeah like casper the friendly dead kid so did he have legs all

[1:01:06] right guys yes so he's like not me yeah i don't know and not me were casper's brothers yeah he's

[1:01:12] not you out the story you're not dead what's happening wait what was there gonna be a question

[1:01:21] for you dan yeah for his last question he says he turns to the creepinardo of the group dank bones

[1:01:26] McCoy. Bones, you've

[1:01:28] recommended many films to watch while you're on an airplane,

[1:01:31] but what if that airplane was

[1:01:32] flying into hell?

[1:01:34] Like in Event Horizon? Yeah, and this is from

[1:01:36] Charlie McCorn on the Macabre.

[1:01:38] I'm going to go with

[1:01:42] Tail Sting, the movie about

[1:01:44] giant scorpions on a

[1:01:46] plane that came out several years before

[1:01:48] Snakes on a Plane.

[1:01:49] 2001,

[1:01:51] a good, bad movie.

[1:01:53] Really? So you're

[1:01:56] plans falling into hell. This is probably the last movie you'll ever

[1:01:58] see. And he chose Tail Sting.

[1:02:00] Alright, I want to change it. I'm assuming that

[1:02:02] if he's going to hell, he's going to be watching a lot of movies.

[1:02:04] Possibly the quiet ones on

[1:02:06] repeat. Yeah. If I'm going to hell,

[1:02:08] maybe, uh, I don't know,

[1:02:10] Emmanuel?

[1:02:11] Wait, the first one? Yeah, I don't know.

[1:02:14] Not Emmanuel in space?

[1:02:16] So, this next one.

[1:02:18] It's really a TV series. It goes like this.

[1:02:20] Hallie's so

[1:02:22] excited. Hallie is very distracted by this cat.

[1:02:24] Well, Lulu doesn't normally

[1:02:26] hang out with other people, but she has

[1:02:29] found a kindred spirit in Hallie.

[1:02:31] Well, Hallie is a cat spirit.

[1:02:32] Podcasting.

[1:02:33] Hello, fellows. It's well established

[1:02:36] that your wives don't have any interest in the gobbledygook

[1:02:39] that you post on iTunes for the world to see.

[1:02:40] Very true. Wait, well, that's not true.

[1:02:43] Your wife doesn't. She has no interest.

[1:02:45] I think Charlene listens,

[1:02:47] right? She does, yeah.

[1:02:48] Sarah listens. So, I guess

[1:02:50] what does it feel like to have

[1:02:51] a wife who doesn't care about you, Elliot?

[1:02:54] I mean, in some ways, it's nice that my wife doesn't care about me.

[1:02:56] She reads all the comics you write, right?

[1:02:58] Yeah.

[1:02:59] Well, really?

[1:03:01] Well, most of them, yeah.

[1:03:02] Okay.

[1:03:02] Anyway.

[1:03:03] She watches the show I'm the head writer for.

[1:03:05] What's that, the John Oliver one?

[1:03:08] Yeah, yeah, it's called...

[1:03:09] Roasted.

[1:03:10] Boom.

[1:03:11] Burned.

[1:03:12] No, it's for a podcast I do for Max Fun called Microphone Guys.

[1:03:17] Yeah.

[1:03:18] There are a couple of guys with a microphone, but just one, so it's not recorded that well.

[1:03:23] The point is that...

[1:03:24] The point break.

[1:03:25] Actually, two-thirds of our wives do listen to the show, but this guy's questioning me.

[1:03:29] It's always wives' butts with this guy.

[1:03:31] It is.

[1:03:31] What of your private lives?

[1:03:33] What is the relationship between each flopper's respective wife and the two men with whom he spends way too much time?

[1:03:39] What are you implying?

[1:03:40] And have they bonded together like the wives of the Project Mercury astronauts because no one else could possibly understand?

[1:03:44] That's from Dan Lasting with help.

[1:03:46] Dan McCoy.

[1:03:47] Thanks for writing in, Dan.

[1:03:48] Surprised there wasn't something in there about how great Dan is.

[1:03:51] I know the Flop Wives went on the real Flop Wives of Kings County and went on a trip to a Russian spa at one point.

[1:04:02] They do stuff together sometimes.

[1:04:04] Yeah.

[1:04:05] I'm assuming in no way do they talk about bad movies or their husbands.

[1:04:10] Not at all.

[1:04:11] Every now and then I'll bring up to Danielle the idea of doing a Wives episode of the Flophouse where our wives watch a movie.

[1:04:16] Mainly as a goof, right?

[1:04:17] Yeah, and every time she says, I would rather not do that.

[1:04:21] They all like each other, though.

[1:04:23] No, they get along very well, yeah.

[1:04:25] I think that maybe they would not have come to know each other.

[1:04:30] I mean, they certainly would not have come to know each other if we weren't friends,

[1:04:34] but now they're all independently friends with each other.

[1:04:37] And independently wealthy.

[1:04:39] And all of them, I would say, are friends with each of us.

[1:04:43] Yeah.

[1:04:45] Wait, what are you saying?

[1:04:47] Charlene doesn't like me?

[1:04:48] No, that was...

[1:04:50] Ah, shit, I didn't want to do this.

[1:04:51] Could just, um...

[1:04:54] Not like is such strong language.

[1:04:56] She despises you?

[1:04:57] Well...

[1:04:59] I mean, like, it's weird that she comes over to the house sometimes when you're not here.

[1:05:03] It seems like she wouldn't do that if we weren't pals.

[1:05:07] What is this, Lake Consequence?

[1:05:08] Yeah, it is.

[1:05:10] It's Salmon King's Lake Consequence.

[1:05:11] It's Temptation Island.

[1:05:12] Mm-hmm.

[1:05:13] So, Hallie, what's going on?

[1:05:16] Mm-hmm.

[1:05:16] How's that cat treating you?

[1:05:18] She's good.

[1:05:20] She was so friendly.

[1:05:21] This is a very unfocused episode of the Flop House.

[1:05:24] Well, the questions are directed at you guys.

[1:05:27] You can jump in.

[1:05:28] That's why I tried to ask you a question.

[1:05:30] What's going on?

[1:05:31] I'm bringing you back into the fold.

[1:05:33] I love all your wives.

[1:05:36] Thanks.

[1:05:36] They're all great.

[1:05:37] They're really nice.

[1:05:38] Dan, don't be creepy.

[1:05:41] Purposeoid number one, everybody.

[1:05:43] The last question for the night.

[1:05:46] Since movies are such a big part of your lives,

[1:05:48] I was wondering where it all began for each of you.

[1:05:50] In other words...

[1:05:51] Well, when a man loves a woman very much.

[1:05:53] In other words...

[1:05:54] And the woman loves the guy, I guess so-so.

[1:05:56] In other words, what are your first movie memories?

[1:05:58] Mine is of seeing The Mask of Zorro with my parents.

[1:06:01] And, well, I wouldn't recommend it.

[1:06:03] Signed, Batman, Real Name with Hell, Wayne Manor, Gotham City, USA, Earth 2.

[1:06:08] So, um...

[1:06:10] Wait, Earth 2?

[1:06:10] Yeah.

[1:06:11] So it's the bad guy Batman.

[1:06:12] Apparently.

[1:06:13] Uh, Hallie, why don't you...

[1:06:16] This is a question you can actually answer.

[1:06:17] My first question would actually be, like, did we ask you what your favorite movies are?

[1:06:22] No, we didn't.

[1:06:24] JK.

[1:06:25] Just kidding.

[1:06:26] JK means Joker to him.

[1:06:32] He thinks that was a threat.

[1:06:33] I'm just kidding.

[1:06:35] I'm sorry.

[1:06:35] Earliest movie memory, Hallie.

[1:06:38] Well, I thought of a joke thing.

[1:06:40] Okay, say it first.

[1:06:42] Oh, I was going to say, when I found my...

[1:06:45] Oh, no.

[1:06:46] Say it.

[1:06:47] What?

[1:06:48] You're the one who...

[1:06:49] You brought it up.

[1:06:50] You introduced something.

[1:06:51] When I found my parents' better sex videos

[1:06:55] that are just instructional videos about how to have sex.

[1:06:59] Is that true?

[1:06:59] Oh, my God.

[1:07:00] Yeah, they exist.

[1:07:01] How were they?

[1:07:01] Were they good?

[1:07:02] Were they cassette tapes?

[1:07:03] Or were they like the old joy of sex things

[1:07:07] where you've got like the illustrations

[1:07:08] of like super hairy 1970s people having sex with each other?

[1:07:11] Why do they draw them hairy?

[1:07:13] I don't know.

[1:07:13] It was from the time when Harry was so disliked.

[1:07:16] There's a professor with a bow tie in part of it,

[1:07:19] and then there's, like, a lot of sex in part of it.

[1:07:23] Is it the professor with the bow tie having the sex?

[1:07:25] No, he's like, this is how you have sex in a pool,

[1:07:27] and then it cuts to people having sex in a pool.

[1:07:29] But did you learn a lot from it?

[1:07:30] We know a website that's interested in that.

[1:07:31] So it's kind of like the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

[1:07:34] The criminologist is just narrating

[1:07:36] while the others are having the adventure.

[1:07:38] What was the advice on having sex in a pool?

[1:07:39] Because I would not recommend it.

[1:07:41] That's not a good lubricant.

[1:07:42] Water?

[1:07:43] Well, wait.

[1:07:45] When did this become a sex how-to podcast?

[1:07:47] I'm just curious what the...

[1:07:48] I mean, this was...

[1:07:49] I was young.

[1:07:49] How to have sex in the pool.

[1:07:50] It was the 90s, probably.

[1:07:51] Maybe the...

[1:07:52] It was the 90s.

[1:07:53] Everyone was watching sex videos back then.

[1:07:55] In school, we were watching them.

[1:07:56] So that sounds like a great memory.

[1:07:59] But that's not real.

[1:08:01] I really hope...

[1:08:02] My parents don't listen to your podcast, do they?

[1:08:04] They listen a lot, yeah.

[1:08:05] You told the story of how your mom had someone in our class come up to her and ask whether...

[1:08:10] Hey, whoever that was, can you just...

[1:08:14] Real talk.

[1:08:15] Keep this between us.

[1:08:16] So what was the question?

[1:08:19] First movie memory.

[1:08:21] Pet Cemetery.

[1:08:24] Oh, shit.

[1:08:25] That's a good one.

[1:08:26] That was so scary.

[1:08:27] I had this really good friend, Hillary Power.

[1:08:30] You're listing Hillary Power.

[1:08:34] Don't tell Hallie's mom.

[1:08:35] You're great.

[1:08:36] She was the first person I ever smoked a cigarette with at a very early age.

[1:08:42] Three.

[1:08:42] And she also exposed me to Pet Sematary.

[1:08:45] And I remember, even though I would smoke a cigarette with her,

[1:08:49] I still had to call my mom to pick me up in the middle of the night

[1:08:52] because I was so scared from Pet Sematary.

[1:08:54] That's a little shock tober memory for you guys.

[1:08:57] My first memory was not as interesting as either of Hallie's.

[1:09:04] My parents took me to see Never Cry Wolf in the theaters.

[1:09:09] I don't know.

[1:09:10] What, Brotherhood of the Wolf?

[1:09:12] No, Never Cry Wolf.

[1:09:13] Dan wasn't allowed to watch movies.

[1:09:15] It's about a researcher who goes and lives with the wolves in Alaska.

[1:09:19] And I remember it being very good.

[1:09:22] I remember very little about it other than there was a scene where the guy, like, jumps up naked

[1:09:29] because there's, like, a herd of moose or antler.

[1:09:34] Caribou or something.

[1:09:34] Caribou.

[1:09:35] Princess Caribou is run by.

[1:09:37] And I think Brian Dennehy is in it, and he pilots a plane.

[1:09:40] He must be great.

[1:09:41] And there's a scene where he falls through the ice

[1:09:44] and can almost...

[1:09:45] Brian Denny almost falls through the ice?

[1:09:47] No, the hero.

[1:09:47] He has a hard time getting back out of the ice,

[1:09:50] finding the hole that he fell through.

[1:09:51] And those are the three things I remember

[1:09:53] about Never Cry Wolf.

[1:09:54] Did you ever watch My Life as a Dog?

[1:09:57] Yeah.

[1:09:58] Because that was an early, also, movie memory for me.

[1:10:01] Yeah.

[1:10:02] Not as shocking, though.

[1:10:03] Not a Shocktober memory.

[1:10:04] No, neither of these are shocking.

[1:10:06] But, you know.

[1:10:07] But they got a dog and a wolf in them.

[1:10:11] There was no dog

[1:10:14] Actually there was no dog in the movie

[1:10:15] I'm talking about

[1:10:17] Coming of age story

[1:10:19] I remember Lassa Hallstrom's movie

[1:10:22] Yeah where the kid gets

[1:10:23] My life as a dog

[1:10:24] The kid gets cursed to turn into a dog

[1:10:27] It's like the Shaggy D.A

[1:10:29] Yeah like the Shaggy D.A

[1:10:31] Or that My Pet Monster

[1:10:33] TV pilot from years ago

[1:10:35] My Pet Monster?

[1:10:36] I know there's no dog

[1:10:39] Wait, does he find a monster in the basement?

[1:10:41] No, he gets, the curse gets put on him

[1:10:43] where he turns into the My Pet Monster character.

[1:10:45] Guys, what about your first movie memories?

[1:10:48] I'm still thinking about My Pet Monster.

[1:10:50] My first memory is kind of a Shocktober memory.

[1:10:54] I remember going to see Ghostbusters as a little kid

[1:10:57] and my mom covering my eyes for the first.

[1:11:00] During the blowjob scene?

[1:11:01] The first, no, of course not.

[1:11:03] That's totally cool.

[1:11:04] It was the first scare when the librarian goes.

[1:11:08] And afterwards, like when we were in the theater, she covered my eyes and I'm like, what did it look like?

[1:11:13] And her description was like Skeletor.

[1:11:16] So all moms out there, that's how you'd be a good mom.

[1:11:19] Because I immediately knew what she was talking about.

[1:11:22] And that she knew who Skeletor was is a big plus.

[1:11:24] Looks more like a ghost of like a gorilla.

[1:11:27] Have you never seen Skeletor?

[1:11:30] He is stacked.

[1:11:32] Especially when the librarian has that ram's head staff.

[1:11:36] Elliot?

[1:11:38] I honestly don't remember, like, the earliest movie memory I have.

[1:11:42] Like, there's not a time going back that I don't remember movies.

[1:11:45] So just mention something you remember.

[1:11:47] I mean, I know the first movie that I was ever brought to as a baby was Atlantic City, the Louis Malle movie.

[1:11:52] I think me and my sister, I think, were, like, a month old or two months old.

[1:11:56] My parents just needed to go to the movies.

[1:11:58] So they brought us, and apparently my sister cried and had to be taken to the lobby, whereas I was a gentleman and watched the film.

[1:12:05] Ice cold.

[1:12:06] Oh yeah, totally emotionless.

[1:12:09] Apparently I cried my way through Empire Strikes Back

[1:12:11] and my mom had to take me out of the lab.

[1:12:13] She was like, this is the best one of the trilogy.

[1:12:15] You'll understand that when you're older.

[1:12:17] I'm pretty confident that you cried your way

[1:12:21] through most of Adolescence.

[1:12:23] What is this?

[1:12:25] Whoa.

[1:12:27] Feed Hallie a couple of martinis and this is what happens.

[1:12:30] I will say that, wait, if we're talking about shocking things,

[1:12:33] I've told the story in the past

[1:12:35] about when I was eight or nine years old

[1:12:37] and my dad borrowed a tape of RoboCop from his friend

[1:12:39] and the opening scene where Edie Tonine

[1:12:42] blows that guy's chest to pieces,

[1:12:44] how totally shocking that was to me as a kid.

[1:12:47] And I think it turned me into the sociopath I am today.

[1:12:50] When you got up and ran around the room going,

[1:12:53] whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop.

[1:12:54] I do remember my older brothers forcing me into a dark room

[1:13:00] and making me watch Poltergeist and Aliens.

[1:13:03] And I think that that, rather than putting me off horror, gave me a taste for it.

[1:13:09] It's like when you force somebody to smoke an entire carton of cigarettes

[1:13:13] and they become a smoker for life.

[1:13:14] It's like when you force someone to have sex with you

[1:13:18] and then they finally get really into sex.

[1:13:20] What?

[1:13:22] What?

[1:13:24] That's the Hallie Haglund charm.

[1:13:28] She can say horrible things.

[1:13:30] And it comes out adorable.

[1:13:31] Just kidding.

[1:13:33] I didn't have any older siblings, so I missed out on that.

[1:13:37] But I remember when I was a kid, I had a friend named Derek

[1:13:39] who had an older brother who was super into horror movies.

[1:13:42] He was Ricky Gervais.

[1:13:43] He wasn't really funny, but he was heartwarming.

[1:13:47] He went on to become the best baseball player of all time.

[1:13:51] Okay, so can I say something about Derek?

[1:13:55] Can I finish one thing?

[1:13:56] For the first time, Elliot's like, can I finish?

[1:14:01] Derek had an older brother who was super into horror movies

[1:14:04] and would leave copies of like...

[1:14:06] Wasn't his name Zack or Thad?

[1:14:08] Yeah, it was Thad Zack.

[1:14:09] Chet?

[1:14:10] Thad Zack.

[1:14:11] A real Thad Zack.

[1:14:12] It was Zack.

[1:14:13] But he would leave copies of Fangoria

[1:14:15] and like the boxes to horror movies he'd rented all over the place.

[1:14:18] It's like my dream older brother.

[1:14:20] Like I would just see these like random images of gore

[1:14:24] lying on the floor in like the living room of my friend's house

[1:14:27] and I was never brave enough to like pick up the magazine

[1:14:30] and flip through it and read the articles.

[1:14:32] Maybe that was my...

[1:14:34] Be a man.

[1:14:34] What?

[1:14:35] Be a man.

[1:14:36] Well, it was hard for me to be a man when I was like seven,

[1:14:38] but I think that was my introduction to horror,

[1:14:42] was these isolated glimpses of people's faces torn off

[1:14:46] or their skin blowing up or whatever.

[1:14:48] You never...

[1:14:50] So I feel like it was a pretty classic experience

[1:14:53] in a young girl's life

[1:14:57] that you would go to a slumber party...

[1:15:00] And get your period.

[1:15:00] No, you'd go to a slumber party.

[1:15:03] Your mom would have to pick you up because you would pretend that you had, like,

[1:15:06] oh, I'm supposed to go to church tomorrow, so I better go home.

[1:15:09] But really it was because you were a woman now.

[1:15:11] You went to a slumber party.

[1:15:12] Somebody had, like, a real, like, drama, horror movie.

[1:15:17] Somebody had Faces of Death, and I was the one who had a live.

[1:15:20] We watched a live of my slumber party for my 10th birthday.

[1:15:24] That's crazy.

[1:15:25] This is a girl thing.

[1:15:27] Girls do this.

[1:15:28] Guys don't do this so much.

[1:15:29] When they're older, I guess they get together with their friends

[1:15:31] and just watch horror movies all night.

[1:15:32] And they watch pornography.

[1:15:32] But when I was like 10, I totally would not do that.

[1:15:36] No, I would be way too scared.

[1:15:37] When I was like 10, I had a birthday party

[1:15:40] where I showed Nausicaa of Alley of the Wind,

[1:15:42] and my friend didn't like it, so he left.

[1:15:44] Like, we got in a fight, and he had to leave my birthday party

[1:15:48] because he didn't like Nausicaa.

[1:15:49] Yeah, when I was 10, I think we went to see, like,

[1:15:51] the Ninja Turtles movie in the theaters.

[1:15:52] Did you play light as a feather, stiff as a board?

[1:15:54] Yeah.

[1:15:55] That's awesome.

[1:15:56] But I also do remember walking in on my brother's slumber party

[1:16:00] when they were watching a porn movie.

[1:16:01] That's a weird slumber party.

[1:16:04] Do you remember what porn it was?

[1:16:05] It involved like a money shot, and I remember when it happened,

[1:16:09] they were like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, and I remember them laughing.

[1:16:14] Wait, they're laughing?

[1:16:14] That's weird.

[1:16:15] Weirdly enough, my O-face is laughing and clapping.

[1:16:20] Laughing and applauding.

[1:16:21] Hey, I did it.

[1:16:22] Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

[1:16:25] So like a real disingenuous laugh?

[1:16:28] Yeah.

[1:16:29] That's right.

[1:16:31] I mean, even at the time when I was very young,

[1:16:35] it felt like, all right, you guys are saying this is funny,

[1:16:39] but I think there's a lot more feelings going on.

[1:16:42] You walked in and you went, okay, guys, just be honest and whip it out.

[1:16:45] We all know what you want to do.

[1:16:46] If you excuse me, I've got some of my little ponies to play with.

[1:16:50] I've got a diary entry to write.

[1:16:53] That was the kind of thing my college roommate, freshman year, used to do is that he would watch porn and be like, this is hilarious.

[1:16:58] Look at that.

[1:16:59] That's crazy.

[1:17:00] What?

[1:17:00] And it was like, just masturbate to it.

[1:17:02] I'm not going to judge you.

[1:17:04] Come on.

[1:17:04] I mean, not while I'm here.

[1:17:05] I mean, I don't want to be in the room, but don't pretend you're watching it ironically.

[1:17:08] Don't chase me out of the room by masturbating or anything, you fucking castle freak.

[1:17:12] You're going to watch something ironically.

[1:17:16] It's not pornography.

[1:17:17] No.

[1:17:17] We would watch like Bloodsport or Best of the Best ironically.

[1:17:21] Yeah.

[1:17:22] Bloodsport was actually a really good movie.

[1:17:24] One of my early movie, one of my actual early movie memories.

[1:17:30] Is when your parents took you to go see Bloodsport in the theater.

[1:17:33] No, when we rented it from Video Variety.

[1:17:35] Video Variety.

[1:17:38] We've got a variety of videos.

[1:17:41] We've got all types of movies from Bloodsport to pornography.

[1:17:44] I mean, I have such an early memory of Video Variety

[1:17:47] that i remember um being a child and um like hugging someone's legs and a man looking down

[1:17:55] at me and not being my dad oh it's like okay here's blood sport get the fuck out of here

[1:18:01] and you were like uh i don't want to i don't want him to know that i'm doing that i was made a

[1:18:05] mistake uh i'm robbing you hand me your wallet when you actually call the teacher mom i'm stealing

[1:18:11] your leg?

[1:18:12] This is my leg now.

[1:18:15] Who's the

[1:18:18] leg now, dog?

[1:18:19] Recommendation.

[1:18:22] This is going to be the longest

[1:18:24] episode ever. Especially because there's

[1:18:26] an intro.

[1:18:26] For a Max Fun intro.

[1:18:29] But anyway.

[1:18:30] So this is where we recommend movies.

[1:18:33] Split in half. Save some for later.

[1:18:36] You know?

[1:18:36] For next Halloween.

[1:18:40] Treat this like a Thanksgiving turkey.

[1:18:41] Flophouse sandwiches for a couple days after

[1:18:45] Eat it and then at midnight

[1:18:47] go back and listen to some more

[1:18:49] Then turn into a gremlin

[1:18:50] Don't turn into a gremlin

[1:18:53] An AMC gremlin

[1:18:54] This is where we recommend movies that we actually liked

[1:18:57] rather than the movie we watched

[1:18:59] 4th of October, if we can

[1:19:01] we're going to recommend some horror stuff

[1:19:02] but if we can't, fuck it

[1:19:04] We make the rules

[1:19:07] You're not the boss of us

[1:19:09] But Elliot

[1:19:11] what do you got i'm gonna recommend two movies boom but i'm gonna do it quick uh this is a movie

[1:19:16] about a scientist who gathers together a bunch of misfits to do a psychic bits of science misfits

[1:19:22] of science exactly to do a psychical experiment so i'm gonna recommend two movies that do that

[1:19:26] much better the first is a movie i thought for sure i had recommended but when i checked the

[1:19:31] the flop house recommendations website it didn't seem to come up so i'm gonna recommend

[1:19:35] from beyond from stuart gordon stuart wellington's favorite director favorite director although he's

[1:19:43] also crushed my heart and soul yeah by giving us the truth behind ding dong gate uh from beyond

[1:19:49] is loosely based on the hp lovecraft story of the same name uh and involves a scientist group

[1:19:55] of scientists who are creating a device that can see and interact with the dimension that vibrates

[1:20:01] at a different wavelength than ours

[1:20:02] and it's full of horrible creatures

[1:20:04] and it is a super fun, super gross

[1:20:07] movie full of wet special effects,

[1:20:11] I guess I'd call it.

[1:20:12] There's so many special effects in it

[1:20:13] that look like latex plastic monsters

[1:20:15] just slathered in goop.

[1:20:16] It's pretty great.

[1:20:18] That sounds good to me.

[1:20:18] I may have told this story before

[1:20:20] on the podcast, but I remember

[1:20:21] the first time I ever had a kidney stone,

[1:20:22] I was alone on Fourth of July weekend

[1:20:25] and my wife was out of town

[1:20:27] and it was super painful.

[1:20:29] I felt like my body was attacking me

[1:20:31] And I was like, I'm just going to watch a movie I still haven't watched from beyond yet.

[1:20:34] And I was like, this movie gets what I'm going through.

[1:20:36] Just a bunch of people whose bodies are fighting against them.

[1:20:40] I was stuck home once after I had a surgery because of a broken finger.

[1:20:46] And my mom, in my drug haze, I watched a movie my mom rented, which was Body Parts, starring Jeff Fahey.

[1:20:54] And it was a similar situation.

[1:20:57] But, yeah, around the time Jeffrey Combs sucks a guy's eyeball out of his skull

[1:21:01] and then is like, what am I doing?

[1:21:02] I was like, yeah, this movie gets me when I'm going through.

[1:21:05] The other movie I'll recommend is more of an older classic,

[1:21:08] and that is another guy gets a bunch of people together in a haunted house

[1:21:13] to find some ghosts with his research movie,

[1:21:15] and that's The Haunting, the Robert Wise movie.

[1:21:18] It's a nice classic early 60s chiller.

[1:21:23] It's, I think, one of the best, if not the best, of the Haunted House movies in general.

[1:21:28] There's some real super creepy parts, and it holds up very well for a movie.

[1:21:32] And beautiful cinematography from Robert Wise, the cinematographer.

[1:21:35] It's a gorgeous movie, yeah.

[1:21:36] Did he do the cinematography also?

[1:21:38] I don't know, but he started out as a cinematographer.

[1:21:41] According to this, Davis Bolton.

[1:21:42] He started out as an editor.

[1:21:43] Oh, okay.

[1:21:44] He edited Citizen Kane, Magnus Ambersons.

[1:21:46] Yeah, but it looks great, and it's a really spookifying movie.

[1:21:51] So From Beyond, if you want something a little splatterier,

[1:21:54] and The Haunting, if you want something classy but still scary.

[1:21:57] I'm going to quickly, because I don't have a movie.

[1:22:02] I don't have a horror movie that I watched recently that I really liked.

[1:22:07] I watched The Sacrament.

[1:22:08] It was okay, not enough to recommend.

[1:22:10] But I have watched a couple of episodes of the French series The Returned

[1:22:16] about an isolated...

[1:22:19] So we can recommend TV now?

[1:22:21] Yeah, sure.

[1:22:22] For the purposes of this, why not?

[1:22:24] What about movie trailers?

[1:22:25] Okay, why not?

[1:22:26] But no, this is a French series.

[1:22:30] It's available on Netflix streaming.

[1:22:32] It's about an isolated French mountain town

[1:22:36] where some dead people come back to visit.

[1:22:41] Come back.

[1:22:42] To visit, just check in, see how it's doing.

[1:22:45] You know, shoot the shit.

[1:22:46] Oh, that store closed down.

[1:22:48] That was a toy store when I was alive.

[1:22:51] Now it's a shoe store.

[1:22:52] All right, I'm dead.

[1:22:53] But they come back several years after they died,

[1:22:56] unaware that any time has passed.

[1:22:59] But the people who have lived on

[1:23:02] and had to put these deaths behind them

[1:23:05] know, obviously, that these people are dead.

[1:23:08] And it's a series that focuses a lot on mood and atmosphere.

[1:23:14] And the horror of it is not that these are zombies.

[1:23:18] horror of it is the real emotional horror of these people dealing with what it's like for this mystery

[1:23:25] like to have occurred like both for the survivors and for the dead people who realize

[1:23:30] holy shit i died and now i'm coming back to a world that i no longer fit in um are the zombies

[1:23:39] super scary uh there is one like super creepy like a little kid who doesn't talk at all and i don't

[1:23:47] know what his deal is yet because i'm only two episodes in but only two episodes in of an eight

[1:23:51] episode first season i can say it's very good the returned uh french tv series hallie shocktober

[1:24:01] recommendation shocktober recommendation all right before pet cemetery but also involving hillary

[1:24:10] powers uh the movie that first scared me deeply was um the hit film i'm sure you all remember it

[1:24:22] witch board the original witch board and i would like to recommend it because uh it it it was

[1:24:30] pre-paranormal activity, really making use of the materials

[1:24:38] that scared the shit out of you.

[1:24:40] It was also starring...

[1:24:43] Tawny Katane.

[1:24:44] No.

[1:24:44] Tawny Katane was not who I was thinking of.

[1:24:48] I was thinking of Stephen Nichols, who was Patch on Days of Our Lives,

[1:24:55] a very pivotal character.

[1:24:57] He doesn't actually wear a patch.

[1:25:00] He doesn't wear a patch in Witch Board.

[1:25:02] He doesn't wear a patch in Witch Board,

[1:25:04] but he does wear a patch on Days of Our Lives.

[1:25:06] But I will say, scared the shit out of me.

[1:25:10] Many nightmares.

[1:25:11] Days of Our Lives?

[1:25:12] Or Witch Board?

[1:25:14] Both.

[1:25:14] Okay.

[1:25:15] But I'm recommending Witch Board right now.

[1:25:17] So wait, what was the name of your...

[1:25:18] Wait, Witch Board?

[1:25:19] What was the name of your...

[1:25:20] That board.

[1:25:21] Oh, yeah.

[1:25:22] What was the name of your friend

[1:25:24] that introduced you to horror movies?

[1:25:25] Hillary Powers.

[1:25:26] Because my wife had a friend when she was growing up

[1:25:29] named Jennifer Hudson, not the actress.

[1:25:31] So I think, I feel like

[1:25:33] there's this trickster spirit who goes

[1:25:35] around introducing young girls

[1:25:37] to horror movies. To which board?

[1:25:38] To which board? Another horror movie.

[1:25:40] Taking many guises. It's called Friends of Girls.

[1:25:43] There are a number of stories my wife has told me about

[1:25:47] the girl she had

[1:25:49] friends with who was

[1:25:50] the bad girl who got into trouble

[1:25:53] but she was my wife's friend and she introduced her to

[1:25:55] things that she wasn't really old enough for.

[1:25:57] But she has like four or five friends that she's told me about by now.

[1:26:00] No, that was never me, but I will not say.

[1:26:03] I want to say that the person who Hillary Powers I am friends with on Facebook,

[1:26:08] and I will say she's living an enviable, inspirational life.

[1:26:14] Hillary Powers, you overcame those horror movies,

[1:26:17] and I think you're doing it well, so rock on.

[1:26:21] Rest in peace.

[1:26:22] With your bad self.

[1:26:26] May the force be with you.

[1:26:27] That was an interesting twist that Dan dropped.

[1:26:30] So I'm going to recommend a movie that I swore I've recommended before.

[1:26:35] It's not one of...

[1:26:36] Okay, well, I don't give a shit.

[1:26:37] It's The Hidden.

[1:26:39] I'm going to recommend the movie...

[1:26:40] This could be a horror movie if you were caught up in that scenario.

[1:26:43] If your body was taken over by some kind of slug alien.

[1:26:46] So, as Elliot said, it's a movie about a slug alien that comes to Earth,

[1:26:52] takes over people's bodies,

[1:26:53] and then that person goes around on a killing spree

[1:26:56] because the alien is a horrible alien criminal.

[1:26:59] One of the things I love about that movie

[1:27:00] is that it's not just like an alien that controls you.

[1:27:03] It's an alien criminal.

[1:27:05] In space, they have a crime,

[1:27:07] and this escaped criminal is taking over people.

[1:27:09] We've got Kyle MacLachlan.

[1:27:10] Yeah, Kyle MacLachlan plays...

[1:27:12] He features the music of Concrete Blonde.

[1:27:13] He plays a space cop.

[1:27:15] Who's recommending this movie to you?

[1:27:16] Sorry.

[1:27:16] I appreciate the recommendation.

[1:27:18] He gets paired as a FBI agent.

[1:27:21] This is a pre-Twin Peaks.

[1:27:22] He's a space cop who inhabits the body

[1:27:25] of a recently deceased FBI agent.

[1:27:26] And then the Earth cop,

[1:27:29] who's like a no-nonsense blue-collar type

[1:27:32] played by Michael Nouri.

[1:27:33] The two of those guys chase down this alien no-good Nick.

[1:27:40] And there's some really great shit.

[1:27:43] I think my favorite moment is when the,

[1:27:46] as pointed out by a mutual friend of ours, Bill Hickey,

[1:27:50] is when the alien-inhabited stripper falls off of,

[1:27:57] I think she's riddled with bullets and falls off of a rooftop.

[1:28:01] You can very clearly see the crash mat when the stunt double falls off the roof.

[1:28:07] So I totally recommend watching The Hidden,

[1:28:10] and it's very clearly the inspiration for New Line Cinema's Jason Goes to Hell,

[1:28:16] a.k.a. Friday the 13th Part 9.

[1:28:18] It is?

[1:28:20] Yeah, because that's totally a rip-off

[1:28:22] of The Hidden, where Jason

[1:28:23] as a worm inhabits people's

[1:28:26] bodies and goes on killing sprees.

[1:28:27] Do you think it's possible someone had a The Hidden revamp script

[1:28:30] and it wasn't getting made, so they just turned it into a Jason script?

[1:28:32] Sort of like a Hidden 2.

[1:28:33] Because there was a Hidden 2, wasn't there?

[1:28:35] Two Shades of Blue. Whoa, there's a Hidden 2?

[1:28:37] Let's finish up this podcast.

[1:28:39] Dial it up.

[1:28:41] I was making this stretch it out.

[1:28:45] Yeah, yeah, The Hidden 2.

[1:28:46] Because this is not already the longest podcast

[1:28:50] we've ever heard of.

[1:28:50] So what's the next step

[1:28:51] of this podcast?

[1:28:52] The next step of this podcast

[1:28:53] is saying goodbye.

[1:28:54] Is we end it.

[1:28:54] Do we make our condolences,

[1:28:57] our acknowledgements?

[1:28:59] No, we just say...

[1:29:00] How does Max want

[1:29:00] to end a podcast, Dan?

[1:29:01] We just ends it, buddy.

[1:29:04] Well, let's say

[1:29:04] it's Shocktober,

[1:29:05] so it's time once again

[1:29:07] to close the coffin.

[1:29:08] Slam shut the crypt door.

[1:29:11] No way, they're not dead.

[1:29:12] Dang.

[1:29:13] Close the gates

[1:29:15] of Flophouse Cemetery.

[1:29:16] Clang.

[1:29:17] Please don't.

[1:29:18] And lock them up tight.

[1:29:19] For spirits, ghouls, goblins, skeletons, creepozoids, pervozoids, schools, fools, moles, goals, rolls, and rolled gold pretzels roam the earth.

[1:29:33] Let's leave them behind for tonight, for who knows when they may reemerge two weeks from now.

[1:29:39] On the next episode of Shocktober Flophouse.

[1:29:43] Starring me, Dan McCoy.

[1:29:46] Me, Stuart Wellington.

[1:29:48] Special appearance by Elliot Kalin as himself.

[1:29:51] And?

[1:29:52] And longtime host Hallie Hagman.

[1:29:54] Wait a minute.

[1:29:56] Good night.

[1:29:59] Oogans.

[1:30:01] Scary.

[1:30:02] So do you know this Merlin Mann guy?

[1:30:11] He's a very popular internet personality.

[1:30:15] He did a podcast called You Look Nice Today, and he does a lot of new podcasts that's more productivity-based thing.

[1:30:24] He was trying to get me to listen to one of his shows.

[1:30:26] Who's this?

[1:30:27] Merlin Mann.

[1:30:28] Merlin Mann.

[1:30:28] I don't know who that is.

[1:30:29] Is that a guy bitten by a wizard?

[1:30:32] Now he has the powers of a wizard as Merlin Mann?

[1:30:34] Half man, half Merlin.

[1:30:36] Merlin himself is a demon.

[1:30:38] Really?

[1:30:38] Well, some say.

[1:30:40] Is Gandalf a demon?

[1:30:41] No, Gandalf is a wizard.

[1:30:43] Mithrandir?

[1:30:45] I don't know what that is.

[1:30:46] That's Gandalf.

[1:30:47] Everyone's got 300 names in Lord of the Rings.

[1:30:50] Bilbo Baggins, who was known to the elves as Scrivenor,

[1:30:54] and who the orcs knew as Thorndragger.

The Flop House: Episode #162 - The Quiet Ones

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