The Flop House: Episode #162 - The Quiet Ones

Dan McCoy

[0:00] Hey, Flophouse listeners. Around now is where you would normally hear me make a mild witticism about the film that we're doing this week before introducing the show.

[0:10] But before we get to that, I just want to introduce, on behalf of our new podcast network, Maximum Fun, the capo de capo of Maximum Fun, Mr. Jesse Thorne.

Jesse Thorn

[0:23] That is actually on my business card stand.

[0:25] Great.

[0:27] How are you, man?

Dan McCoy

[0:29] I'm doing all right. Just hanging here, trying to pretend it's not awkward to talk on a cell phone and record it.

Jesse Thorn

[0:36] Yeah, I'm in L.A. You're in New York.

[0:39] But yeah, I felt like I should be here to sort of explain what it means that the Flophouse is joining Maximum Fun and that kind of thing.

[0:49] Basically, I guess I'll start with what Maximum Fun is.

[0:53] We're a network of podcasts that is driven by the themes of culture and comedy, of which, of course, the Flophouse is both.

[1:04] And all of our shows are owned by their creators.

[1:07] And so essentially what we do as a network is provide support for those shows in the same way that, you know, maybe a public radio station provides support for the shows that it carries on its air.

[1:20] We do sometimes have a little bit of advertising, but we're mostly focused on listeners and listener support for our shows.

[1:28] Yeah.

[1:29] I mean, our goal is to make shows like this one a success and make sure that the people who make them can earn money from them, at least enough money for them to be able to continue doing them.

[1:41] Does that make sense, Stan?

Dan McCoy

[1:42] Yeah.

[1:42] And listeners of the show, probably, if they like me at all and aren't just listening for Elliot and Stu, heard me appear on your podcast, JJ Go.

[1:55] And obviously our friend at The Daily Show, Judge John Hodgman.

[1:59] John Hodgman has his podcast over with you guys.

[2:02] So it seemed like a good fit for us.

Jesse Thorn

[2:04] Yeah.

[2:05] I mean, basically, you know, we're a group of a dozen or so, it's now up to 15 or so, like-minded shows that have banded together under one umbrella to raise money for all of us.

[2:19] And because we share a common vision and common goals.

[2:24] So the big news here is that there is a new way to support the Flophouse.

[2:30] If you're a big fan of the Flophouse, you want to see it continue and you want to see these guys get paid.

[2:35] The way to do it is become a member of MaximumFun.org.

[2:39] It's easy to do.

[2:40] You just go to MaximumFun.org slash donate.

[2:43] When you donate, you will decide an amount of money per month to give.

[2:49] And when you do that, you will tell us what shows you listen to.

[2:52] And the money that you donate goes to the shows that you listen to.

[2:56] It's easy and it's fun.

[2:58] It's great.

[2:59] MaximumFun.org slash donate is the place to do it.

[3:01] You even get like thank you gifts and stuff.

[3:04] I don't want to go too far into them because we usually only have one pledge drive a year.

[3:09] But we thought this is a new thing.

[3:13] These guys could use some continuing support.

[3:17] Some money that they can count on.

[3:20] And so that's why we're going to you, the audience, just this one time.

[3:23] And then we won't be back at you until the annual pledge drive, which isn't until late spring.

Dan McCoy

[3:29] Yeah, we appreciate that.

[3:31] And, you know, we love putting out the show.

[3:33] We don't particularly do it for the money.

[3:35] I think if you get into podcasting for that, you have been woefully misinformed.

[3:40] But I do think the show, surprisingly enough, does cost a little to put out.

[3:47] And it would be nice to be able to pay my co-hosts for their time.

[3:51] So, yeah.

[3:52] If you feel interested in doing so, why not support us through donations at Maximum Fun?

Jesse Thorn

[3:58] Yeah, I mean, I'll tell you this, Dan.

[4:02] The reason that I started Maximum Fun was because I felt like people who do work like this deserve to get paid.

[4:09] I mean, like you said, nobody goes into this expecting to be rich.

[4:14] But the truth is that, you know, if we take you as an example, you know, you have a very demanding day job.

[4:21] And you do this because you love it.

[4:24] But if you are paid for your work, it allows you to prioritize your work in a way that you otherwise couldn't.

[4:30] So you can go to MaximumFun.org slash donate.

[4:33] You can choose a level at which to donate.

[4:36] You can give five bucks a month if you want.

[4:39] Even if you only listen to the Flophouse, that's still an incredibly reasonable amount of money.

[4:45] And I bet there is a lot of crossover in the audience between already extant Flophouse listeners and folks who listen to other MaximumFun.org shows.

[4:54] But we just wanted to, you know, we just wanted to introduce the network and share this with you.

[4:58] So thank you to everybody for donating.

[5:00] And remember that, you know, the money that you donate goes to the shows that you listen to.

[5:05] So go to MaximumFun.org slash donate.

[5:08] And I'm really excited about having the Flophouse on board.

[5:11] I personally am a really huge fan of the show.

[5:14] And I was so excited that you guys are joining up with us.

[5:19] So thank you for that.

Dan McCoy

[5:21] Well, thank you for welcoming us.

[5:22] Of course.

[5:23] Here, have this leg.

[5:25] Thank you.

[5:26] Oh, it's sort of snug.

Jesse Thorn

[5:29] Yeah, well, it's good because it does double duty.

[5:34] It's good for welcoming people to your tropical island.

[5:37] It's also good for garroting people as a mafia hitman.

Dan McCoy

[5:42] Oh, I appreciate it.

Jesse Thorn

[5:43] Is that how that word is pronounced?

[5:44] Garroting.

[5:45] Garroting?

Dan McCoy

[5:45] Yes, I believe so.

[5:48] Garroting?

[5:49] Garroting.

[5:49] Greetings.

[5:51] Anyway, the moral of this story is go to MaximumFun.org slash donate.

Jesse Thorn

[5:55] And welcome Flophouse to MaximumFun.org.

[5:58] We are so, so, so happy to have you.

[6:00] Thank you.

Jesse Thorn

[6:00] Thank you.

[6:01] Thank you.

[6:07] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[6:35] I'm Dan McCoy.

[6:35] What?

[6:37] What just happened?

Elliott Kalan

[6:40] Was there some sort of spirit just snuck in?

[6:43] Some sort of forest spirit?

Stuart Wellington

[6:44] Quick, throw salt over your shoulder to distract it.

Elliott Kalan

[6:48] Put some rice in the corner.

[6:49] It has to count the grains before it can chase you.

Stuart Wellington

[6:52] Okay, well, while it's counting the rice grains, I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[6:56] And I'm Elliot Kalin.

Dan McCoy

[6:59] And, hold on.

[7:00] And, yes.

Hallie Haglund

[7:01] Oh, and I'm Hallie Hagelin.

Dan McCoy

[7:04] You said before we started, don't worry about me.

Hallie Haglund

[7:08] I was waiting for you.

[7:09] I thought you were going to say who you are.

[7:10] He did.

Dan McCoy

[7:11] I did the first.

[7:12] I was the first person.

[7:13] Oh.

Hallie Haglund

[7:14] I thought you were going to say it twice.

[7:15] Sometimes people forget about you.

[7:17] That's fair.

Dan McCoy

[7:19] That's fair.

[7:20] But not tonight, because this is the Flophouse podcast.

[7:22] I'm the fourth favorite member of the group, and there's only three of us.

Elliott Kalan

[7:25] After me, Stuart, the house cat, the idea of the platonic Flophouse ideal host, Hallie.

[7:32] And then, of course, a couple other guest hosts.

[7:34] Then there's Bob Barker, former host of The Price is Right.

[7:37] Not to mention the movie The Host.

[7:39] And there's Dan's phone case.

[7:43] Very popular, yeah.

[7:44] Why would that be part of the whole conversation?

[7:47] Have you seen it?

[7:48] Yeah, I mean, it's in my pocket.

[7:50] It's a cool case.

[7:50] Keeps the phone safe.

Dan McCoy

[7:52] But it is giving you a run for your money.

Stuart Wellington

[7:55] You're a little bit above Cole, Cole as Ice, Flophouser, a.k.a. Cole Hauser, the actor.

Dan McCoy

[8:03] So, Dan, what do we do on the Flophouse podcast, of which this is?

[8:05] We watch a bad movie, and then we talk about it.

[8:08] And, oh boy, this month, it's the holiest of holies.

[8:13] The high holy month of the Flophouse calendar.

[8:16] They probably knew from the spooky music that was with the chains rattling,

[8:21] and the witches howling, and the werewolves howling.

[8:25] And the witch wolves howling.

Elliott Kalan

[8:27] And the werewitches also howling.

[8:31] And the howling Joe Dante.

Dan McCoy

[8:34] But it's Shocktober.

[8:36] Shocktober?

[8:37] Shocktober, you say.

[8:38] So, small vember is over.

[8:39] Yeah.

[8:40] Small vember.

Elliott Kalan

[8:41] The relative piece of small timber.

[8:43] Welcome to the hellish maelstrom of Shocktober.

[8:47] When all evil walks the earth, and the veil between the other world and this is at its thinnest.

[8:54] Can you hear that sound?

[8:56] Boogans.

Dan McCoy

[8:57] Ow, it shocked me.

Elliott Kalan

[9:00] The curtain between the spirit world and ours is so thin that you can see a ghost's nipple sticking through it.

Dan McCoy

[9:07] Yep.

[9:08] When ghosts and goblins and gooblins and...

Elliott Kalan

[9:11] And gooblins.

[9:12] And gooblins.

[9:13] When ghosts and ghosts and Ryan ghostlings...

Dan McCoy

[9:18] Oh, that's terrifying.

[9:19] Yeah.

[9:20] It's a living hell.

[9:21] But funny.

Elliott Kalan

[9:22] Well, anyway, the point is, the world is a blasted nightmare, and its name is Shocktober.

[9:28] And we're in it.

[9:31] Boogans.

[9:32] Shocktober, you're soaking in it.

[9:34] So, Dan, what happens in Shocktober?

Dan McCoy

[9:35] Well, we watch horror movies with a slightly larger frequency than the rest of the year.

Elliott Kalan

[9:40] Because we do watch horror movies in other times of the year.

[9:42] Yeah, but never two in one month.

[9:43] Because sometimes horror movies are bad.

Dan McCoy

[9:44] Yeah.

[9:45] That's true.

[9:45] Sometimes horror movies are bad.

[9:46] Often they're bad, I would say.

[9:47] Sometimes they're good, too, though.

[9:49] Yeah, sure.

[9:50] Thanks.

[9:50] That's fun facts from Stuart.

Elliott Kalan

[9:53] That's on the bottom of your Stuart trading cards.

[9:57] And so, Dan, we watch horror movies, and we have a special guest with us.

Dan McCoy

[10:01] Her name's Hallie Hagelin.

[10:02] We talked about it already.

Elliott Kalan

[10:04] But we didn't introduce her as an out-of-the-ordinary person.

Hallie Haglund

[10:06] Yeah.

[10:07] A supernatural guest.

[10:09] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[10:10] Hallie Hagelin.

Elliott Kalan

[10:13] I mean, she kind of has a Halloween name already.

[10:17] So, Hallie, you love horror movies.

Hallie Haglund

[10:20] I, yeah, sure.

Dan McCoy

[10:23] You like being scared.

[10:24] I love being scared.

[10:26] You really wanted to be scared tonight, and we tried to tell you.

[10:28] We were like, no, none of the movies we're going to watch.

Elliott Kalan

[10:31] I mean, I was a little more scared than any of you guys.

[10:34] You were.

[10:34] You were shivering.

[10:36] At one point, you said, no, don't go in there.

[10:38] You were holding onto a stuffed animal bunny, saying, it'll be okay, Mr. Bun-Bun.

[10:42] It's just a movie.

Hallie Haglund

[10:43] I cried.

[10:45] Do you guys know that every October 1st, I start praying that I'll see a ghost this month?

Elliott Kalan

[10:51] Because it doesn't count the other months.

[10:53] You're tired of seeing ghosts in summer.

[10:55] Forget it, July ghost.

Hallie Haglund

[10:57] Come on.

[10:58] No, thank you.

[10:58] I don't need a bikini-ready ghost.

[11:01] I'm not a real ghost.

Elliott Kalan

[11:03] Real ghosts have curves, people.

[11:06] Sure.

[11:07] Trouble with the curves.

Dan McCoy

[11:08] So, Dan, what movie did we watch?

[11:10] We watched The Quiet Ones.

[11:14] So named, I assume, because the movie is very quiet, except for when loud noises explode on

[11:19] the soundtrack.

Elliott Kalan

[11:20] Yeah, and there's only one quiet one in it, so it really doesn't make sense.

[11:24] Who is it?

[11:26] Tell me.

[11:27] The lady who makes all the things happen with her mind.

Hallie Haglund

[11:30] Also, the one that you weren't aware of, because she was just so quiet.

[11:34] Did you guys pick up on that character?

Elliott Kalan

[11:35] I didn't pick up on that character at all.

Hallie Haglund

[11:37] Yeah, she's only credited in the credits.

[11:40] That's the only way to go.

Elliott Kalan

[11:41] She's a character.

[11:41] She was always off camera and very quiet.

Hallie Haglund

[11:44] She's actually pretty shy.

[11:47] She's just wearing a sweater.

[11:48] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[11:50] The scariest of garments.

[11:52] What could be under that sweater?

[11:54] Oh, it's so hard to tell.

Elliott Kalan

[11:56] Just a rib cage, maybe.

[11:58] It keeps you devilishly warm.

[12:00] Mm-hmm.

[12:02] Warm the Devils.

[12:04] What?

[12:05] Wait, what?

[12:06] Part of the thermometer.

[12:07] Warm the Devils?

[12:08] Yeah, Warm the Devils.

[12:09] It's a Disney comedy from the 70s.

[12:11] It's a Ken Rumble movie.

[12:14] No, it's Wormy Devils.

[12:15] Okay.

[12:15] Sequel to Wormy Boners.

[12:16] Yeah, sure.

[12:17] A Stuart Wellington film.

[12:17] The sequel got greenlit?

Stuart Wellington

[12:19] It got redlit.

[12:21] Okay.

[12:22] That's good in this case, though.

[12:24] Because it's hell.

Elliott Kalan

[12:25] It's like bad as in good, but good as bad, right?

[12:27] Exactly.

[12:28] Okay.

[12:28] Slangage.

[12:29] Anyway, let's talk about the movie, The Quiet Ones, since we're now in the depth pits of incomprehensibility

[12:35] in our normal talking.

[12:37] The Quiet Ones takes place in Oxford, England in 1974.

[12:42] Jared Harris.

[12:44] TV's.

[12:45] TV's Lane Price.

[12:46] And the bad guy from Fringe.

[12:49] And the bad guy from the second Sherlock Holmes movie.

[12:51] Yeah, Moriarty.

[12:52] Ulysses S. Grant.

[12:53] That's on TV, though.

[12:53] That's a movie.

[12:54] Ulysses S. Grant in Lincoln, which I love Jared Harris.

[12:58] He is hilarious in Lincoln.

[13:00] Really?

[13:00] But not, he's just like, well, Mr. President.

Dan McCoy

[13:02] Oh, yeah, I remember now.

Elliott Kalan

[13:03] Yeah.

[13:04] But Jared Harris, an actor I've been a fan of, I'll just say, since I was a teenager, when

[13:09] I saw him in a production of Hamlet, as Hamlet, in the Jersey Shakespeare Festival.

[13:14] That's right.

[13:14] It's another tale of Elliot seeing an actor on stage.

[13:19] It was.

[13:20] Woo, spooky.

Stuart Wellington

[13:21] So he joins the Jenks of Jake Gyllenhaal or somebody, right?

[13:26] Who else have you seen on stage?

[13:27] Ethan Hawke.

[13:28] He saw on stage.

[13:28] Ethan Hawke.

Elliott Kalan

[13:29] Jake Gyllenhaal, Ethan Hawke a number of times, Kevin Spacey.

[13:32] Oh, lots of great actors.

Stuart Wellington

[13:33] Oh, man.

[13:34] And do they, every time they look at you and wink?

Elliott Kalan

[13:36] Yeah, because they know him in the audience.

[13:38] They're like, Elliot, I'll remember you forever.

[13:39] They tug their ear Carol Burnett style at the end when they say goodnight.

Dan McCoy

[13:42] Someday you'll put this in a podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[13:44] Mm-hmm.

[13:45] Put this in a podcast.

[13:45] It was a production of Hamlet with Lily Taylor as Ophelia.

[13:48] And a number of not as good local actors.

[13:50] He's Richard Harris' son.

[13:52] Is that correct?

[13:52] He is, in fact.

Hallie Haglund

[13:53] That must have been a really good performance.

[13:56] That's a good cast.

Elliott Kalan

[13:59] Those two were good in it.

[14:01] There were other people who were not.

[14:01] The guy who played Laertes was not so great.

[14:04] But Jared Harris did something in that performance that always stuck with me, which is.

[14:07] He dropped his trousers.

[14:08] Laertes.

[14:09] Laertes.

[14:10] Laertes.

[14:11] That's French for the farties.

[14:12] Laertes.

[14:13] Laertes.

[14:14] Which is when they're watching Hamlet and he's acting like he's crazy.

[14:19] Jared Harris had him kind of sleepwalking.

[14:22] And then clearly the character knows what he's doing.

[14:26] But he's pretending to be sleepwalking.

[14:27] And he walked right off the stage and fell into the audience.

[14:31] And I remember the first time as a kid that I saw an actor do something that like breaking

[14:35] the wall or that, you know, like physical.

[14:38] And it really stuck with me.

[14:39] So it was a great choice, Jared Harris.

[14:41] Sounds dangerous.

Stuart Wellington

[14:42] Sounds like it hurt him.

[14:43] Was he okay?

[14:44] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[14:44] I mean, he popped right back up.

[14:45] Did the audience like crowd surf him back onto the stage?

[14:47] Yeah.

[14:48] It was just like.

[14:48] They caught him.

[14:49] That was beautiful.

[14:50] Like getting better or something?

[14:51] It was just like the end of the subway car sequence in Spider-Man 2.

[14:55] Or actually the end of Hamlet, the Kenneth Branagh movie.

[14:57] I think they crowd surf his body over a bunch of people.

[14:59] Yeah.

[15:01] Spoiler alert, Hamlet.

Hallie Haglund

[15:01] Or like my eighth grade Oasis concert when I crowd surfed over all the people.

[15:06] How was it?

[15:07] It was fun.

[15:08] Yeah?

Elliott Kalan

[15:10] But you hadn't just died or fallen unconscious.

Hallie Haglund

[15:13] I mean, I might as well have.

[15:14] I saw Oasis, so why live on?

Stuart Wellington

[15:18] That's a good point.

[15:19] Anyway, the movie starts.

[15:20] I'm surprised you haven't torn your eyes and ears off at this point.

Elliott Kalan

[15:24] They're worthless now.

[15:25] All you see or hear will be a disappointment from this point on.

[15:28] Jared Harris is an Oxford professor who's one of these professors of supernaturalisms

[15:33] that you see in this and Ghostbusters and other movies.

Hallie Haglund

[15:36] Yeah.

[15:36] I really wish I had had a class to take like this in college because I totally would have.

Dan McCoy

[15:43] Yeah, me too.

[15:43] Which one would you be?

[15:45] Would you be the lady in the hot pants or would you be the crazy demon lady?

Hallie Haglund

[15:48] I'd hope the crazy demon lady.

[15:50] You would be the crazy demon lady.

[15:51] I have some self-respect.

[15:53] Except you're deeper.

Stuart Wellington

[15:54] You're more the Ally Sheedy as opposed to the, what's her name?

[15:58] Molly Ringworm?

[15:59] Yeah.

[15:59] Everybody forgets her.

Dan McCoy

[16:01] Yeah, in me.

[16:02] Is that a...

[16:03] That's her Jacktober name, Molly Ringworm.

Elliott Kalan

[16:07] Anyway, that's not even a college movie.

[16:09] That's a high school movie.

[16:11] Helmelio Helstavez was also in it.

[16:14] And of course, Anthony Michael Helm.

[16:16] Now, continuing with this movie, Jared Harris is a professor of parapsychology who is showing

[16:20] his class video of a boy who is...

Dan McCoy

[16:23] It's psychology that you do from a parachute when you're being...

[16:26] It's parrot psychology.

[16:28] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[16:28] Yes, you want a cracker, but why?

[16:33] So, he says that people who seem to be possessed by demons actually are telekinetics, and the

[16:39] only way that they can express that power without going insane is to project it as some other

[16:45] personality or being that is acting through them.

[16:48] And he hires a local student, Brian, to be the cameraman for a series of experiments in a house somewhere.

Stuart Wellington

[16:56] After a scene that seemed ripped from...

[17:00] God is not dead.

Elliott Kalan

[17:01] Literally, Jared Harris is ripped from...

Stuart Wellington

[17:03] Is that the Shocktober version of it?

Dan McCoy

[17:06] That's the Shocktober version of Law and Order.

[17:09] The stories are ripped from the Dead Lines.

Elliott Kalan

[17:11] Yeah.

[17:12] Law and script keeper.

[17:13] Yeah.

[17:16] Special graves unit.

[17:17] Yeah.

[17:18] So, special coffins unit, I guess.

[17:19] All right.

[17:20] So, there's a scene where he's...

[17:22] It's like, he's a professor and he's like, well, the supernatural doesn't exist, so let's

[17:27] look at this thing.

[17:28] And a student is like, what?

[17:29] You're crazy and unethical.

[17:30] And it did feel like God is not dead...

[17:32] Like, invaded this movie for a moment.

Hallie Haglund

[17:35] Okay, I did not get that.

[17:36] I did not get that.

[17:38] And this movie makes a lot more sense now that you say that.

Elliott Kalan

[17:41] Wait, what?

[17:42] What was happening in that scene?

Hallie Haglund

[17:43] Yeah.

[17:44] What was happening in the whole movie.

[17:45] I didn't get why he wouldn't just let...

[17:47] I could be a ghost.

Elliott Kalan

[17:49] No, well, because he believes that it's a telekinetic problem.

[17:52] Okay.

[17:53] And that he is on the verge of solving the problem of people being crazy by having an experiment

[17:59] with this...

[17:59] These two guys and this one pretty girl where they have locked another girl in a room...

[18:05] Pretty, also...

[18:06] Also pretty.

[18:07] But in a less blonde, trashy way.

[18:10] It's your classic blonde brunette divide.

[18:12] Betty and Veronica.

[18:14] Yeah.

[18:15] In this case, the Betty is the mean one because the blonde is the mean one.

[18:19] And the Veronica is the one with the telekinetic demon powers.

Stuart Wellington

[18:22] It's a classic Selma and Louise situation.

Elliott Kalan

[18:24] Yeah.

[18:25] It's a real Skilla and Charybdis.

[18:26] It's a classic Cagney and Ghosty.

[18:29] Yeah.

[18:30] That's how it goes.

[18:31] Laverne and Poltergeist.

[18:34] So they have...

[18:35] So this one girl whose name is Jane, she acts like she's possessed by an evil spirit named

[18:41] Evie.

[18:42] But Jared Harris, the professor, believes that she's a telekinetic.

[18:45] She's just making this whole thing up.

Dan McCoy

[18:47] So they embark on a...

[18:48] But also, like, Jared Harris is like, okay, if we provoke her into, like, showing her telekinetic

[18:53] powers, we can remove them and solve...

[18:57] And that will give us the cure for crazy.

[18:59] And solve mental health.

Hallie Haglund

[19:00] But wasn't it like, also, we just need to draw her...

[19:03] We need to draw those energies into a different, solid existence.

[19:08] Oh, yeah.

[19:08] They're gonna draw into a doll.

[19:09] So they gave her, like, a doll.

[19:10] And they were like, oh, we can just put all the telekinetic energy in this doll.

[19:14] This is EG now.

Stuart Wellington

[19:14] Which is crazy, because that's normally what you do when there's a demon, right?

[19:17] Or a ghost.

[19:18] You take that demon and you put it in something else and then you burn it up.

[19:21] It's a little weird.

[19:22] I don't know.

Dan McCoy

[19:22] The middle step in this is question mark, question mark, question mark.

Elliott Kalan

[19:26] It's the gnome get rich quick skin yourself.

[19:28] Yeah, exactly.

[19:29] Collect underpants, something, get rich.

[19:32] Or collect the money.

[19:33] But the...

[19:34] So they go and they embark on a very monotonous series of experiments that are all shot from

[19:39] shaky handheld camera where they put like a...

Hallie Haglund

[19:43] I mean, let's give his camera work a little more credit.

[19:46] I don't think it was shaky.

Stuart Wellington

[19:47] This is the first I've heard of this, Hallie.

[19:49] I was complaining about it the whole movie.

[19:51] And now you're gonna stick up for him?

[19:53] I think that's crazy.

Elliott Kalan

[19:54] Yes.

[19:54] I saw several tripods in wood.

[19:54] Now that the microphones are on, suddenly you don't have a problem with it.

[19:58] Let me just explain.

[20:00] Now, they embark on a series of dimly lit, monotonous experiments.

Hallie Haglund

[20:04] Okay, the lighting I'll get on board with, but I don't think there was shaking.

Elliott Kalan

[20:08] Where, in each experiment, they put...

Dan McCoy

[20:10] I mean, there was not like Parkinson's shaking, but it was shaking.

[20:13] Daniel!

[20:13] Take it easy.

[20:14] All right.

[20:15] Please.

[20:15] Hey.

Elliott Kalan

[20:15] Michael J. Fox.

[20:16] I apologize to all our Parkinson's listeners.

[20:19] Now, the experiments, they put a brainwave reader headband on Jane and then just tell her

[20:24] basically, hey, get Eva to come over.

[20:27] Bring out...

[20:28] Or Evie.

[20:28] Get Evie to come over.

[20:29] And there's some thumping and then like a pipe explodes.

[20:32] So it's something...

Stuart Wellington

[20:32] Eva's a robot in WALL-E.

[20:34] Yeah.

[20:34] Eva's not a demon.

Elliott Kalan

[20:35] It would be...

[20:36] If Eva came, then they'd learn the meaning of love.

Dan McCoy

[20:40] They...

[20:40] But they're also just trying to keep her disoriented.

[20:43] They're like constantly playing Slade's come on, feel the noise.

[20:45] Yeah.

[20:46] To keep her awake all the time.

Elliott Kalan

[20:46] And they have a kind of flashing epileptic light that just swirls around that she has to

[20:51] look at.

[20:51] But every time...

Hallie Haglund

[20:52] It's supposed to relax her.

[20:55] That was how it was introduced.

Dan McCoy

[20:56] But every experiment...

[20:57] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[20:57] There's nothing more relaxing than a flashing light.

[20:58] Than a random...

[20:59] Well, I guess it's not random.

[21:00] But a flashing light.

[21:01] Or even a rhythmic flashing light.

[21:02] It sends me into a relaxed epileptic bit.

[21:06] Every time I see it.

Elliott Kalan

[21:07] Every experiment goes the same.

[21:09] They tell her to bring out Evie.

[21:10] She is like, uh...

[21:12] And then something like breaks or moves.

Hallie Haglund

[21:15] I think this is such a good idea!

Elliott Kalan

[21:17] The camera gets knocked over.

[21:19] And they all run around like fools with their heads cut off.

[21:22] Cut to the next day.

[21:24] Hey, I think we did some good work last night.

[21:26] Let's do another experiment tonight.

[21:27] And this happens roughly 400 times in the movie.

Hallie Haglund

[21:31] But they drink champagne after the escapades.

Elliott Kalan

[21:34] To celebrate.

[21:35] Yeah.

[21:36] They're living the highlight.

[21:37] The escapades.

Hallie Haglund

[21:39] Escapades.

[21:39] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[21:40] Let's get away.

[21:41] I want to take you on an escapade.

[21:43] Where we torture a telekinetic girl.

[21:45] Until she makes a doll explode in flame.

[21:47] Great shenanigans last night.

[21:49] We totally tortured that girl.

[21:51] Hey, everybody.

[21:51] Let's pop some bottles.

[21:52] Top-notch tomfoolery.

[21:54] Let's pour the bubbly.

[21:55] Hijinks and folderol.

[21:57] We're second to none.

[21:58] Get some sparkling in here.

[22:02] You rascals.

[22:04] That's Dr. Rascal.

Dan McCoy

[22:06] I didn't spend four years at rascal school.

[22:09] So have you call me?

[22:10] Anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[22:10] I mean, I guess if his name's on the building, you should get the title.

Dan McCoy

[22:15] It seems like Chrissy the Blonde is.

[22:17] I came in as a freshman as a little rascal.

[22:19] And now.

[22:20] Now I'm a man.

[22:21] Now in only four years.

[22:25] Anyway.

[22:26] Rascal.

Elliott Kalan

[22:27] What?

[22:28] What?

[22:29] Man rascal.

Hallie Haglund

[22:29] Rascal.

[22:30] Rascal.

[22:30] Keep up.

Elliott Kalan

[22:31] I'm sorry.

[22:32] I'm so busy trying to talk about the movie while Dan makes up his weirdo words.

[22:38] It wasn't even a scary word.

[22:40] No.

[22:41] Rascal?

[22:41] That's why it threw me off.

[22:42] I was like, how is that like a Crypt Keeper scary pun?

[22:45] Rascal.

[22:46] Doesn't even make sense.

Dan McCoy

[22:47] It scares you with its incompetence ability.

Elliott Kalan

[22:51] Sure.

[22:51] It sounds like Metamucil, which is not scary, although it should be.

[22:55] I always imagine it's some kind of goop that came off a ghost.

[22:57] It's a reminder of your own mortality, dude.

[22:58] I've had it.

[22:59] It's scary.

[23:00] Mm-hmm.

[23:01] So anyway, Chrissy, the blonde, is sleeping with all the guys except for Brian.

[23:05] Cat food?

[23:06] And Brian has a crush on Jane, the possessed girl.

[23:10] To make a long story short, they keep doing these experiments forever.

[23:14] Tension rises.

[23:16] Everyone gets mad at the professor, and then-

[23:18] I don't want to marry Jane.

[23:20] Sorry.

[23:21] Keep going.

Dan McCoy

[23:21] Keep going.

[23:22] I apologize.

Stuart Wellington

[23:24] He's making a Gilligan's Island-

[23:25] Look at Elliot's face.

[23:26] He's so upset right now.

Elliott Kalan

[23:29] I'm just like, it's not like I interrupt people all the time.

[23:31] But I like to feel like my interruptions are of a slight cut above that one.

[23:38] Look, am I innocent here?

[23:40] No.

[23:40] I'm as guilty as the un-new driven snow.

[23:45] And I'll try, I think when I interrupt you, I'm contributing to the conversation.

[23:48] All right.

[23:49] Whether it be a word that sounds like another word or a poop pun.

Dan McCoy

[23:54] All right.

[23:55] Let's-

[23:55] Anyway.

[23:56] Train are rolling.

Elliott Kalan

[23:57] Let's keep this ghost train moving.

[23:59] Casey Jones, get behind the wheel.

[24:01] So tensions rise.

[24:03] Everyone's arguing with everybody else.

[24:05] And we see more manifestations of Evie.

[24:09] Jane's hands catch on fire.

[24:11] At one point, she has like a male voice coming out of her.

[24:15] There's a-

[24:15] She's a tongue.

[24:16] She gets really upset.

[24:17] And this long like venom tongue comes out of her.

[24:19] But it's like 18 feet long.

[24:22] And it looks like CGI special effects because that's what it is.

[24:26] And they all freak out because they have never seen CGI special effects.

[24:29] This is the 70s.

[24:30] No, the 70s, yeah.

[24:30] Whereas now they'd be like, oh, it's like something in a sci-fi channel movie.

[24:33] Okay.

[24:34] Anyway, for reasons-

[24:35] The strain.

[24:35] For reasons that are not totally clear, everyone gets mad at everybody.

[24:38] And they kind of break up the group.

[24:40] Brian goes back to Oxford and does some research and finds that-

[24:44] And they're like a cult book section.

[24:45] Yes.

Hallie Haglund

[24:46] But I think that like the young people kind of form an alliance.

[24:49] I don't think there was genuine-

[24:52] Strife.

[24:52] Strife between them.

[24:53] They argue a lot though.

[24:54] No strife with drive.

[24:55] But that's just-

Dan McCoy

[24:56] You know, you're working together.

[24:58] I mean-

[24:59] Nice call, Vax.

[25:00] Wait, why were you looking at me when you said you're working together in Strife?

[25:03] I don't know what that's all about.

[25:07] Anyway.

[25:08] Because you guys all work together.

[25:09] You can't see that-

[25:10] You can't see the hilarious silent take over the podcast airwaves.

Elliott Kalan

[25:14] Just imagine it right now.

[25:16] Mm-hmm.

[25:17] Old time radio.

[25:19] Uh, boy.

[25:20] Uh, thunder, thunder.

[25:21] It sure is stormy outside.

[25:23] Thibber McGee's closet.

[25:25] Ah, crash bang.

[25:26] A horse is coming.

[25:28] I'll warm up next to this cellophane.

[25:31] Crinkle, crinkle, crinkle.

[25:32] Sounds like flames.

[25:33] Ooh, goodness.

[25:33] Sounds like flames.

[25:35] Knock, knock, knock.

[25:36] Lamont Franston.

[25:37] Is that someone at the door?

[25:38] Eeeeh.

Stuart Wellington

[25:40] World of the world.

[25:41] Although the one time they used a-

[25:43] There was an obvious door opening sound effect in this movie.

[25:45] It totally just sounded like a fart, right?

[25:48] It's true.

[25:48] There's a scene where they open a door and it sounds like a fart.

[25:51] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[25:51] That was a highlight.

Stuart Wellington

[25:52] It was a highlight.

[25:53] It was good.

[25:54] It was early on in the movie where we still had hopes and dreams for it.

[25:57] This is a movie that-

Dan McCoy

[25:58] We're still coming up on the other highlight, though.

[25:59] We haven't gotten to that yet.

[26:00] I did like that one bit.

Elliott Kalan

[26:01] Okay, well, tell me when we get there, because I don't remember it.

[26:03] I remember liking nothing.

[26:05] Anyway, one of the manifestations is a symbol appears on Jane's body that Brian goes to

[26:10] the Oxford Library's occult book section, does some old-fashioned research.

[26:14] It's time to put on the elbow polish and get the gumshoe leather out.

[26:19] Crack open the microfiche.

Dan McCoy

[26:20] Hit the dewy decimal system.

Elliott Kalan

[26:22] Pound the pavement and do the same thing that always solves problems.

[26:25] Do the dewy.

[26:26] Research in the library.

[26:27] Decimal system.

[26:29] Yep.

[26:30] Mountain dewy decimal system.

Dan McCoy

[26:31] Totally extreme system of categorization.

Elliott Kalan

[26:33] Yep.

[26:34] Let's put these books in decimal number points.

[26:37] Whee!

[26:40] This is a religion book!

[26:42] Whee!

Stuart Wellington

[26:43] That goes in, I don't know, 1.78 thousand?

[26:45] 800 point-somethings?

[26:47] The occult books are filed under code red.

[26:50] Call in, librarians.

[26:51] Our lines are open.

[26:51] It's time to Mountain Dew.

[26:52] It's Red Mountain Dew.

Elliott Kalan

[26:53] So anyway, it's interesting that Mountain Dew became the extreme drink, since when it was

[26:58] introduced, it was explicitly a hillbilly drink, and all the bottles and cans had different

[27:03] hillbillies on them.

[27:04] Wait, it was-

[27:04] I know someone who-

[27:05] Yeah, Mountain Dew means moonshine.

[27:07] It was a hillbilly-themed drink.

Dan McCoy

[27:08] I mean, it still is pretty much a hillbilly drink, but-

Hallie Haglund

[27:11] But I know someone who once got thrush from drinking so much Mountain Dew, but now I'm thinking

[27:15] maybe it was just a demon?

Stuart Wellington

[27:17] Wait, somebody who got thrush?

[27:19] Yeah.

[27:19] What does that mean?

[27:20] Wait, what's that?

[27:20] Like a bird?

Hallie Haglund

[27:21] It's like what people with AIDS get when they're very ill, and their throat, it's a sickness

[27:28] in their-

[27:29] Look it up, people.

[27:30] An inflammation.

[27:31] And it's called thrush.

Dan McCoy

[27:31] Wait, but it was just from too much Mountain Dew, or was it just drinking Mountain Dew and

[27:35] not having real food?

Stuart Wellington

[27:37] I think that that played into it.

[27:39] First off, as a representative of the Mountain Dew Company-

Elliott Kalan

[27:44] It's pronounced M-T-N-D-E-W.

[27:45] We changed the spelling on the cans, because Mountain Dew drinkers don't have time for all

[27:49] the letters.

[27:49] So you're suggesting good job.

Hallie Haglund

[27:50] There's actually no real mountains used in the-

Elliott Kalan

[27:53] No, no.

[27:53] We take a mountain and we squeeze the dew out of it.

Dan McCoy

[27:56] It's a way of tapping the Rockies.

[27:59] Good job, Hallie.

[28:00] We'll never have Mountain Dew as a sponsor now.

Stuart Wellington

[28:03] But you were suggesting that perhaps your friend-

[28:05] But look up thrush, people.

[28:06] Yeah, that it might have been a demon possession.

[28:08] Mountain demon?

Dan McCoy

[28:09] And also just make sure you don't have it.

Stuart Wellington

[28:10] Yeah.

[28:11] Wait, thrush?

[28:12] It's a sick test.

[28:13] So wait, is that like-

[28:14] He's self-tested, guys.

[28:14] Can you do self-tests?

Elliott Kalan

[28:16] What if you have Rush, the band?

[28:19] Well, like on CD?

[28:20] Yeah, yeah.

[28:21] Is that the same thing?

Hallie Haglund

[28:24] Did you buy a drinking Mountain Dew?

Elliott Kalan

[28:26] Yeah, yeah.

[28:27] I returned in all my Mountain Dew cans and I got enough to buy a Rush CD.

[28:31] And then the CD got lodged in my throat.

[28:33] So it's thrush.

[28:36] Anyway, this doesn't make any sense.

Dan McCoy

[28:38] The point is, he finds out that the symbol on Jane's body-

[28:42] We can't talk about things that don't make sense anymore in this podcast?

[28:44] Not anymore.

[28:45] That's gonna be a problem.

[28:45] This is now the sense-making plop house.

Stuart Wellington

[28:47] We learned about Hallie's friend with thrush.

Hallie Haglund

[28:49] I feel like things just stopped getting polite and started getting real.

[28:53] So, excuse me.

Stuart Wellington

[28:56] Real talk, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[28:57] What happens in the rest of this fucking movie?

[28:59] So, he finds out that it's a symbol from a demon cult led by a guy who suspiciously looks like a young Jared Harris.

[29:06] Don't worry.

[29:07] Red herring.

[29:07] Don't worry.

[29:08] Goes nowhere.

[29:09] Never remarked upon.

[29:10] Only remarked upon by us.

Hallie Haglund

[29:11] It almost feels like the movie is trying to get-

[29:14] I was the only one watching it.

Elliott Kalan

[29:15] It almost feels like the movie is trying to get the characters to understand what's going on and the characters are too stupid to realize it.

[29:21] The movie is like, guys, Richard Harris is totally a demon type guy.

[29:26] And the character's like, duh.

Stuart Wellington

[29:28] No, I don't think so.

[29:29] Sorry, movie.

[29:30] Some of the characters try to leave the experiment only to be almost killed in a steamy room.

[29:35] Like in early Flophouse film, The Chaos Experiment.

[29:38] Yeah.

[29:39] Or The Steam Experiment.

[29:40] What was it called?

Elliott Kalan

[29:40] The Steam Chaos Experiment.

[29:44] Okay.

[29:44] The Chaos Experiment.

[29:45] The Chaos Spearment.

[29:48] I have a theory that global warming can be simulated by giving everyone gum.

[29:54] Professor Val Kilmer, you're wrong.

[29:56] They said I was wrong when they fired me from the gas station I work at.

[30:02] Wait, so are you not even really a professor?

[30:04] Well, I like to think I teach the cars about how to drive more by putting gas in them.

[30:10] Well, yes.

[30:11] It's a liquids curriculum.

Dan McCoy

[30:13] I like to call myself a Dr. Pepper.

[30:17] That's the soda that I would sell at the gas station.

Elliott Kalan

[30:19] Hi, Dr. Pepper.

[30:20] Barry Pepper.

[30:21] I have an honorary doctorate.

[30:24] But you call me Dr. Pepper.

Stuart Wellington

[30:26] Dr. Pepper and Mountain Dew.

[30:28] Any other stuff you want to talk about?

Elliott Kalan

[30:31] One's a doctor, one's a Mountain.

[30:33] Is this your movie pitch?

[30:34] It's a doctor and a Mountain who have to team up to solve a crime.

[30:38] The crime?

[30:39] The world's oceans have disappeared.

[30:41] And it seems like the world's most famous ocean thief is still in jail.

[30:46] How could he have done it?

[30:47] Turns out at the end it was his wife.

Dan McCoy

[30:49] Okay.

[30:50] Well, that seems anaclimatic.

Elliott Kalan

[30:52] And they have to get there in time to save...

[30:54] Anaclimatic.

[30:55] They have to get there in time...

[30:56] The villain, anaclimatic.

[30:58] Anaclimatic.

[30:59] But they have to get there in time to save Billy Ocean.

[31:01] Who's been locked up in a room with the other oceans, which are, of course, water.

[31:05] So he's drowning.

[31:07] Fair enough.

[31:08] Anyway, so that's a little movie called Dr. Pepper and Mountain Dew.

[31:11] Cops on the run.

[31:13] Colon Caribbean Queen.

[31:17] So they go back and confront the professor.

[31:21] And basically, to make a long story short, it turns out Jane and Evie are the same person.

[31:28] Evie is not a figment of her imagination, not a demon or a ghost.

[31:32] Jane was actually a girl named Evie who had paranormal powers and was used in some court of ritual by a satanic group.

[31:39] Did you get any of this?

[31:40] Yeah.

[31:41] The satanic group was killed in a fire that burned down their house.

[31:44] Turns out Jane slash Evie set that fire with her mind to kill them all, but she survived.

[31:49] The cops gave her a new identity so she could start a new life, but...

Dan McCoy

[31:52] I didn't realize the cops gave it to her.

Elliott Kalan

[31:54] Yeah, but Evie, the repressed...

[31:56] For her birthday.

[31:56] But her repressed...

[31:58] But her repressed...

[31:59] She's just like Kristen from Top Chef.

[32:00] How nice of them.

[32:01] Who was given a name by the police.

[32:03] Right.

[32:05] In Korea.

[32:06] But anyway, that's for Top Chef fans.

Hallie Haglund

[32:08] But they went on to have such different destinies.

Elliott Kalan

[32:11] Yeah, one became a model and a Top Chef champion.

[32:14] The other eventually died because her demon self exploded.

[32:17] Spoiler alert, dude.

[32:18] So anyway, I'm getting to that point.

[32:21] Wait, for the Top Chef person or for...

[32:23] Kind of.

[32:23] Evie Jane uses her powers to kill a couple people.

[32:28] It's only Brian and the professor left.

[32:29] The professor beats up Brian.

[32:31] He's unconscious.

[32:33] The professor ties him up and decides...

[32:34] Oh yeah, that was great.

[32:35] That was the part you were talking about.

[32:36] He's gonna stop.

[32:37] Oh no, but...

[32:38] He's gonna stop Evie Jane's...

[32:39] We'll circle back.

[32:39] He's gonna stop Evie Jane's heart so that the negative telekinetic energies can vaporize

[32:44] or something.

[32:45] But Brian doesn't like it and he continues to punch Brian like pretty often.

[32:50] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[32:51] Jared Harris really beats the shit out of this kid.

[32:53] And uh, but...

[32:54] Like...

[32:55] Like there are times when he just like excessively walks over and just kicks the kid who's still

[32:59] down.

[32:59] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[32:59] Which is pretty funny.

[33:01] Brian manages to escape and he brings Jane back to life.

[33:03] But then she locks herself in her room and kills herself by immolating herself with fire.

[33:10] Cut to Brian now looking a lot crazier.

[33:14] Is sitting in a chair being...

[33:15] He's kind of fatter.

[33:16] Did anyone else pick up our man?

[33:17] Yeah, he looks fatter and older.

[33:18] He's bloated.

[33:19] It looked like it was...

Stuart Wellington

[33:20] I mean, he probably has a lot of salt in the institutional food.

[33:24] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[33:25] No, but it looked like he had gotten there for like his 20 year high school reunion or something.

Dan McCoy

[33:29] Guys, let's meet back here in 20 years if we're still all not on fire.

Elliott Kalan

[33:36] And he tells them that everyone died because of this telecomic ghost demon thing.

[33:40] They're saying, no, there's no film.

[33:42] All the film burned up in the house and Brian starts...

[33:45] All of his amazing footage burned up.

[33:46] They're accusing him.

[33:47] They're saying you killed him.

[33:48] They're saying you killed everybody and Brian starts laughing and his hands start to smoke

[33:52] just like Janie's did.

[33:54] And then the movie cuts out and everyone's left disappointed.

[33:57] So let me be honest with you.

[33:59] This was not a very good movie, but there were times during the movie when I was like,

[34:02] you know what?

[34:03] This could turn into like a so-so, like okay, stupid horror movie.

[34:07] It doesn't have to be great.

[34:08] Sure, it's poorly lit.

[34:09] You can't see what's going on half the time.

[34:11] Sure, they're just repeating the same scenes over and over again.

[34:13] But look, there was some genuine tension at times.

[34:16] I like Jared Harris a lot.

[34:17] He's a great actor.

[34:18] The movie then...

[34:19] Yeah, I mean, you've seen him perform on stage.

[34:21] As Hamlet, the greatest of dramatic roles.

[34:24] John Barrymore performed that role, as did Ralph Richardson.

Hallie Haglund

[34:27] But what is the motivation for being in this movie if you're him?

[34:33] Cha-ching.

[34:34] But do you really think it's like a cha-ching?

Elliott Kalan

[34:37] Oh, I forgot to mention, it turns out that the kid, the little boy that Jared Harris has film of him trying to help release this evil telekinetic power, it turns out, was his son.

[34:47] Okay.

[34:47] And that's why he's so dedicated to this.

[34:49] Why would Jared Harris do it?

[34:50] I wouldn't be surprised if...

[34:51] He's got a lead role.

[34:52] Yeah, it's a lead role for a guy who's usually a supporting player.

[34:55] And as someone who...

Hallie Haglund

[34:56] I mean, he's not the lead role, though.

[34:59] I think we all know it's the romance between...

Elliott Kalan

[35:02] Jane and Brian?

[35:03] Yeah.

[35:04] So it's not either of those characters, but the romance is the lead role.

[35:07] It's an intangible lead.

[35:09] That's why the posters said, the romance between Brian and Jane in The Quiet Ones.

Hallie Haglund

[35:14] Said starring romance.

Elliott Kalan

[35:15] The Quiet Buns?

[35:16] And introducing the romance.

[35:17] The Quiet Buns.

[35:18] It's a bakery movie about a deaf baker.

[35:21] It's just like that silence of the lips.

Dan McCoy

[35:24] Normally, a baker can hear the buns bake, but it's quiet.

[35:28] This is a baker.

[35:29] It's also called silence of the buns.

Hallie Haglund

[35:31] He just has to use his nose now.

Elliott Kalan

[35:33] Yeah, he bakes by nose.

[35:34] I mean, he can see also.

[35:35] But his nose is heightened.

[35:36] Starring Gerard Depardieu.

[35:37] He wears a blindfold.

[35:40] Just to keep it...

[35:40] Just to be...

[35:41] Just to make it...

[35:42] To be double blind.

[35:43] To stage.

[35:44] Although the thing is, the nose would help you much more in baking than your ears ever would.

[35:48] It's like you're going to hear the buns being like...

[35:49] I'm done now.

[35:50] You would smell it, though.

Hallie Haglund

[35:52] Are you a baker?

Elliott Kalan

[35:53] I'm not a baker.

[35:54] I'm just a faker.

[35:55] That's it.

[35:55] Are you a candlestick maker?

[35:57] I have made a candlestick or two.

[36:00] Here's what I like.

[36:01] But I also wouldn't be surprised if Jared Harris, being from the UK, has some nostalgia for Hammer films.

[36:08] And this is one of the films from the new, brought back to life, revived from the dead, you might say.

[36:14] Yep.

[36:15] Hammer horror films.

[36:16] Like a regular Frankenstein.

[36:17] This is a monster.

[36:18] Like an irregular Frankenstein.

[36:20] And Hammer is...

[36:21] I mean, I have a nostalgia for Hammer films, and I grew up decades after their heyday and not in England.

Hallie Haglund

[36:25] Me too.

[36:26] I was a huge fan of him, not only in his heyday, the pants era.

Elliott Kalan

[36:34] You really didn't want him to hurt them.

[36:38] Please, Hammer horror films, you said.

[36:40] Don't hurt them.

Stuart Wellington

[36:43] No other movies can touch you.

[36:45] It was too legit.

Elliott Kalan

[36:46] This movie is too legit to watch.

[36:48] To stop making...

[36:49] Adam's family.

[36:50] But this movie ended up just really disappointing me in a way that I was mad about.

Dan McCoy

[36:54] The scene that I was referencing that I liked was the scene where the guy...

[36:58] Where the girl takes a bath.

[37:00] Yeah.

[37:00] That was funny.

[37:01] And you see her nipple for like a second.

[37:02] That was a good scene.

[37:03] Half a second.

[37:03] Barely.

[37:04] Even.

[37:05] Not even.

[37:06] But I also enjoyed the scene where the main guy's like, look, no one's going to believe

[37:11] this.

[37:11] Even if we're filming it, there could be all these tricks.

[37:13] And he's like, oh, there could be something hidden inside this doll.

[37:17] And he just like stabs the doll to show that there could be something inside of it.

[37:20] And then upstairs, the lady screams.

[37:22] And she's like all bloody.

[37:24] Oh, I forgot about that part.

[37:25] And then in the next scene, they give her the doll as if to say like, here, you hold

[37:30] this.

[37:30] It's probably safer with you.

Elliott Kalan

[37:32] You have the best motivation for not stabbing this doll.

Dan McCoy

[37:37] Thanks for stabbing my doll.

[37:40] That was really great.

Stuart Wellington

[37:42] Well, I mean, she ripped all the fucking hair out of it.

[37:44] Like at that point, you're like, fuck it.

[37:46] You can do whatever you want to this doll.

[37:47] It's garbage.

[37:49] It's like one of the misfit toys in Sid's bedroom in Toy Story.

[37:53] So you should stab it.

[37:54] It's a hairless doll.

[37:55] Nobody wants that.

Hallie Haglund

[37:56] Yeah.

[37:56] Last doll is retail value.

[37:58] I'd say.

Elliott Kalan

[37:59] You're going to resell it?

[38:01] On the secondary doll market.

[38:05] The doll black market.

[38:06] There was a 99 cent store in a mall near where I grew up.

[38:09] I remember once just poking through it when I was waiting for a movie.

[38:12] Like there's a movie theater in the mall and I was waiting for the time to go to the movies.

[38:15] And then like just poking through the stuff in the bins and finding.

[38:18] Like baby, baby last dinosaur.

[38:20] Yeah.

[38:20] Probably like jerky boys or something.

[38:22] But I remember.

[38:23] Probably searching for Bobby Fischer.

[38:26] Yeah, that's what it was.

[38:27] As a kid, I loved chess movies.

Hallie Haglund

[38:31] Do you know the only movie I ever walked out of in the theater was Searching for Bobby Fischer?

Elliott Kalan

[38:36] What's weird is that Searching for Bobby Fischer.

[38:38] It's not a bad movie.

[38:39] I know.

[38:39] No, it's okay.

[38:41] Searching for Bobby Fischer was such a loose adaptation of Where's Waldo?

Dan McCoy

[38:45] I don't even remember the chess plot from Waldo.

[38:48] And it's weird that they changed Waldo's name.

[38:50] They wanted to be less ethnic.

Elliott Kalan

[38:54] Well, there was a lot of Fido Dido stuff going on at the time.

[38:58] And they thought Waldo sounded too similar.

Stuart Wellington

[39:02] So wait, why did you leave the theater?

Hallie Haglund

[39:05] I don't know.

[39:06] I was like, I'm so outraged at how bored I am.

Stuart Wellington

[39:10] Searching for Bobby Fischer.

Hallie Haglund

[39:12] But there was like a very attractive TBCY right next to the movie theater.

[39:17] I mean, very attractive.

[39:18] Like it was in a Speedo?

[39:20] What is it?

Dan McCoy

[39:21] It was kind of aloof.

[39:23] But you saw this before you entered the theater.

[39:27] And then it was just like in your head.

[39:30] I was just like, oh, God.

[39:30] I could be a TCBY.

Hallie Haglund

[39:32] I'm seeing my next move and it's TCBY.

Elliott Kalan

[39:35] Why could this movie called Searching for the Best Yogurt?

[39:39] Here's the story I was just going to tell.

[39:40] And it's boring.

[39:40] So I'll tell it quick.

[39:41] But I was searching through the bins of this 99 cent store.

[39:43] And there was just a doll's head in one of the bins.

[39:46] And I was like, was this attached to a doll at any point?

[39:49] Or were they just trying to sell the head?

[39:51] And I immediately wanted to buy that head.

[39:53] I don't see a price tag.

[39:53] So maybe it's a patron.

[39:56] Sorry, doll's head.

[39:58] I forgot.

[39:59] You were shopping here.

Stuart Wellington

[40:01] This collection of Stewart's trading cards are all mine.

Dan McCoy

[40:05] I'll just barter.

[40:07] Make best offer.

Elliott Kalan

[40:09] What did I get for this doll's head?

[40:11] I gave you three bookmarks.

[40:13] Then one slap bracelet.

[40:16] This is the kind of stuff I'd have on me as a kid.

[40:19] Or the bar system as we remember before.

[40:21] I don't believe you had slap bracelets on you.

[40:23] I had slap bracelets.

[40:25] I'll give you three dinosaurs attacks cards.

Hallie Haglund

[40:29] Not their friendship bracelets.

[40:31] Those are slap bracelets.

[40:32] My friends slap that on me.

[40:33] No, no, no.

[40:34] My friends slap me all the time.

Elliott Kalan

[40:37] Really handcuffs the ultimate slap bracelets.

[40:41] Now, so here's the thing about this movie.

[40:44] Why?

[40:45] Dan.

Dan McCoy

[40:46] Oh, wait.

Elliott Kalan

[40:47] So you like that one scene where the doll gets stabbed and she's stabbed.

[40:52] Sure.

[40:52] And that is a good scene.

[40:52] I'll give you that.

[40:53] In a better movie, that would have been a very memorable scene.

Dan McCoy

[40:56] I mean, also in a bad movie, it was a very memorable scene because it was surrounded by draws.

Stuart Wellington

[41:01] Yeah.

[41:01] So a couple of things that...

[41:03] So this movie went too often to the well of mixing the dialogue very low only to have the occasional scares super loud.

[41:13] It's such a common thing.

[41:16] The other thing is...

Hallie Haglund

[41:17] But I'm...

[41:17] By the way, I will say I'm so vulnerable to that usually and I was not scared at most of those surprising moments.

Stuart Wellington

[41:24] When like the camera fell on the floor and then loud noises?

[41:27] Yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[41:27] It didn't get me.

[41:28] I mean, I was watching it with you jerk offs.

Stuart Wellington

[41:31] And the lights were pretty loud.

Elliott Kalan

[41:32] We were jerking off the whole time.

[41:34] So you were feeling more disgusted than scared?

Stuart Wellington

[41:36] I was just uncomfortable.

[41:36] And by jerking off, we were turning off our Jerky Boys tapes.

Dan McCoy

[41:44] Callie was like, turn those Jerky Boys tapes back up.

Elliott Kalan

[41:47] How can you even understand three different Jerky Boys tapes playing at the same time?

[41:52] Also, shouldn't you have those on CD?

[41:54] They're from the mid-90s.

[41:55] Early 90s?

[41:56] Early 90s, let's say.

[41:57] But let's say this for the movie.

[42:00] The blonde girl in it wore a couple different hats.

[42:02] Hats.

[42:02] She wore many hats.

Hallie Haglund

[42:04] My favorite comment throughout the movie was Stuart's that we knew she was going to die because she stopped wearing hats.

Stuart Wellington

[42:13] She had lost her reason to live.

Hallie Haglund

[42:15] We knew they were phasing her out.

Elliott Kalan

[42:17] Would you stop wearing those great hats?

Stuart Wellington

[42:18] We ran out of all the hats for it.

[42:20] Time to kill this character.

Elliott Kalan

[42:22] Now, this is a movie that feels like it wanted to be an R-rated movie but was PG-13.

[42:27] It kept avoiding showing nudity or blood in a way that was for a horror movie.

Stuart Wellington

[42:32] For a movie with two bathtub scenes, there was basically no nudity.

Elliott Kalan

[42:37] And for, let's face it, a hammer movie.

[42:40] Hammer horror movies kind of revolutionized blood in English horror movies at the very least.

[42:46] To have a squeamish, not bloody hammer movie is really disappointing.

[42:50] Like, they were pretty lurid for horror movies of the 50s through 70s.

[42:54] So to have this be kind of like, bleh, okay, something bad's going to happen, but it'll happen off screen.

Stuart Wellington

[42:59] So this is also weird because for a movie that...

[43:02] Christopher Lee would be rolling in his grave if he was not still alive.

Elliott Kalan

[43:05] I mean, he probably still sleeps in a car, right?

[43:07] I mean, he's Dracula.

[43:09] There's an episode of, I forget what...

[43:12] How I Met Your Mother.

[43:15] There's an interview...

[43:15] I forget what interview chat show it is on England where Christopher Lee was the guest

[43:19] in the episodes from either the late 70s or early 80s.

[43:22] And the host comes out...

[43:23] I want to say it's like Terry Wogan or something.

[43:25] He comes out in a coffin in a cape and he walks over to where Christopher Lee is sitting there.

[43:30] And Christopher Lee is noticeably unamused.

[43:34] He does not care for all this Dracula shenanigans.

[43:37] He's like, why aren't you asking me about Count Dooku?

[43:40] The character I'm working on for the next 20 years.

[43:43] My next count.

Stuart Wellington

[43:45] Well, it's like when in the deleted...

[43:47] Like in the special features on Attack of the Clones where George Lucas turns around a Yoda stand-up

[43:53] that has Dracula fangs on it in front of Christopher Lee.

[43:56] And you can see Christopher Lee's like, how do I deal with this and not lose this gig?

Dan McCoy

[44:03] Why aren't people making Saruman jokes?

[44:07] We should wrap this up with our Shocktober final judgment.

Elliott Kalan

[44:12] Oh, is it spookily mattifying?

[44:14] No, no.

[44:14] Scarily good?

[44:16] No, no.

[44:16] Or wormily not so good?

[44:19] No.

Dan McCoy

[44:19] The categories, is it totally scarifying, totally snorifying, or frighteningly funny?

[44:28] Elliot?

Elliott Kalan

[44:28] I'm going to have to go with totally snorifying on this.

[44:31] It had the potential to be totally scarifying at times, but then it was not.

Dan McCoy

[44:36] Yeah, I'm going to say totally snorifying.

[44:37] Jared Harris was good.

[44:39] The movie was not.

Elliott Kalan

[44:40] Jared Harris is good.

[44:41] I mean, Jared Harris does a lot of good with this part.

[44:43] Yeah.

[44:44] And he is...

Stuart Wellington

[44:44] I hate to say his name in the same sentence as snorifying.

Elliott Kalan

[44:48] He is never snorifying.

[44:50] And only once was he frighteningly funny in Lincoln.

[44:53] But otherwise, he's really great.

[44:56] So, Stuart, you say snorifying or no?

Stuart Wellington

[44:58] Yeah, I'll go snorifying.

[44:59] I feel like for a movie that nothing...

[45:03] It's surprisingly boring.

[45:05] There's a lot of cheap scares.

[45:07] Totally boring.

[45:07] And they could have put a little more effort into just building the world to make the few

[45:11] scares that they did have pay off more.

Elliott Kalan

[45:14] Give us some more character.

[45:15] Give us some more settings.

[45:16] Some more anything.

Stuart Wellington

[45:17] Motivation, for fuck's sake.

Elliott Kalan

[45:18] You were saying if this is an element, it would be Boron.

[45:23] Hallie, what are you saying?

[45:24] I don't put words on it.

[45:25] It was boring.

Dan McCoy

[45:26] It was Boron.

[45:27] It was so snorifying?

[45:28] Yeah.

[45:29] So, before we move on to our next segment, there's a little housekeeping.

[45:35] Oh, should it...

[45:36] Boron!

[45:37] Like Windex and stuff?

[45:38] Do we need that?

[45:38] Yeah.

[45:39] Get me the duster.

Elliott Kalan

[45:40] First off, by now...

[45:42] Also house cat.

Dan McCoy

[45:43] First off, by now, listeners will know, because of the intro, we have joined the Maximum Fun

[45:51] network of podcasts.

Elliott Kalan

[45:53] We wanted to join the Maximum Overdrive network of podcasts, but Stuart got hit in the crotch

[45:59] with a soda can spat out of an evil soda machine.

[46:04] We decided not to join.

Dan McCoy

[46:05] But just to answer...

[46:06] It's a Maximum Overdrive thing.

[46:08] Yeah, sure.

[46:09] Emilio Estevez and whatnot.

[46:11] There's a green cowboy.

Elliott Kalan

[46:12] I believe his name is Helmilio Helstevez.

Dan McCoy

[46:17] But...

[46:17] Of the Dead Fist Club.

[46:19] But just wanted to answer a few questions before they're asked.

[46:25] Number one...

[46:26] Eight inches.

[46:27] We've had no falling out with all things comedy.

Elliott Kalan

[46:29] That's how tall an eight inch person is.

[46:32] No, this was a very amicable split.

Dan McCoy

[46:34] Yeah.

[46:34] We're still friends with our good friend, Mr. Owl Magical.

[46:38] Who is a fantastic and amazing person.

[46:40] Yes.

Hallie Haglund

[46:40] Just irreconcilable differences.

[46:42] That's what I heard.

Dan McCoy

[46:44] I don't know where you heard that from.

[46:46] Just all things comedies.

[46:48] Goals were different than ours.

[46:49] So we feel like Max Fun seemed like a better...

Hallie Haglund

[46:52] So you couldn't make a life together.

[46:53] You didn't want to raise each other's...

[46:55] You didn't want to raise children in the same way.

[46:56] You didn't want to raise children?

Elliott Kalan

[46:57] You didn't want to raise each other's children.

[46:58] Yeah, we were doing an old child swap.

[47:00] They were going to raise our children.

[47:01] We were going to raise their children.

[47:03] But what a nightmare.

[47:04] This was one of those cases...

[47:06] Usually the phrase creative differences is used to paper over a real disagreement.

[47:11] But this was...

Hallie Haglund

[47:11] And I heard it was used in this instance.

Elliott Kalan

[47:13] No.

[47:14] But this was a case where, as Dan said...

[47:15] You were really stirring the shit.

[47:17] Their ends and our ends are not the same.

[47:19] And this feels like a better fit.

[47:21] They want world domination.

[47:22] And we're just trying to put out a good podcast.

[47:24] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[47:24] We're just a couple of dudes hanging out, man.

[47:27] With one dudette.

Elliott Kalan

[47:28] The house cat.

[47:29] Rawr!

[47:30] That's right.

[47:30] The house cat's a woman.

[47:31] Man, two of them in one episode.

[47:32] This is amazing.

Dan McCoy

[47:33] So...

[47:34] But also, just to reassure our listeners, nothing's going to change under our new Max Fun home.

Elliott Kalan

[47:42] Oh, except Stuart's being fired.

Dan McCoy

[47:45] Yeah, I'm being fired.

[47:46] Who's replacing me again?

Elliott Kalan

[47:48] A...

[47:49] I think Cole Hauser.

[47:50] Oh.

[47:51] Okay, I'll allow it.

[47:52] But he wants to be called the Slaw.

[47:54] Oh, that's interesting.

[47:55] We've got him like, like, coleslaw Hauser.

[47:57] Okay, that's weird.

[47:57] With the Slaw.

[47:58] I think it's weird, but he loves mayonnaise.

[48:00] Okay.

[48:01] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[48:02] Same show.

[48:03] Or Dan Nays.

[48:05] What?

[48:06] Mayonnaise made by Dan.

[48:07] Oh.

Elliott Kalan

[48:08] Or Crips Keeper's product.

[48:09] Mayhem Nays.

Dan McCoy

[48:11] If you hear any differences in the show.

[48:13] Name Nays.

[48:14] It'll just be that we'll now be promoting other Max Fun podcasts and we'll take part in their

[48:20] donation drive in the spring.

[48:22] Speaking of which, their donation drive is not until the spring.

[48:26] So if you want to support the Flophouse through donations, you can go to maximumfun.org

[48:30] slash donate and specify that you're donating for the Flophouse.

Elliott Kalan

[48:36] But they've got a lot of great podcasts.

[48:37] There's Fishbowl, Meat Talkin'.

[48:40] No, these are not actual.

[48:41] Up in the Sky.

[48:42] No.

[48:43] Flieger Bombers.

[48:44] Who brought that sandwich?

[48:45] That's a good one.

[48:46] Where every week they talk about a guy who brought a sandwich somewhere.

[48:49] French braids.

[48:50] French braids is a good one.

[48:52] Let's not forget World of Gorm.

[48:55] And of course, there's also Fan Blasters, the fan review site where they review different

[49:01] types of ceiling fans.

Hallie Haglund

[49:03] And the, is that a wart?

Elliott Kalan

[49:06] I mean, it turns out most of the time it is.

[49:08] It is, yeah.

[49:09] There's a visual component, but you don't want that.

[49:11] And of course, door cats.

[49:13] Okay.

[49:13] Well, thanks for all those lies.

[49:16] Can a cat and a door be the same?

Stuart Wellington

[49:18] We find out in door cats.

[49:20] They ask the hard questions.

[49:22] Hard like a door.

[49:23] Soft like a cat.

Elliott Kalan

[49:27] PH balance for you.

[49:29] Made for a cat, but I like it too.

[49:32] Why are you eating cat food, Grandpa?

[49:35] Meow.

Stuart Wellington

[49:37] Oh, what was that?

[49:38] Was it a door slowing?

Elliott Kalan

[49:40] Really?

[49:40] Because it sounded like hands clapping.

Stuart Wellington

[49:42] Sounds like somebody showed up and gave the house cat a high five.

Elliott Kalan

[49:45] Holy, holy.

[49:48] Foley effects.

[49:49] Stomping, stomping, punch sounds.

[49:51] Cram.

[49:52] The sound of Sloppo running.

[49:55] Sloppo.

Stuart Wellington

[49:56] Wait, what is that?

[49:57] The sound effect?

[49:57] Sloppo.

[49:58] What's that the onomatopoeia for?

[50:00] Sloppo.

Elliott Kalan

[50:02] Dan's just making up sounds.

Stuart Wellington

[50:05] Quisp.

Dan McCoy

[50:08] Skunk.

[50:10] Speaking of donations, thanks to Jill H. for her way too generous donation.

[50:14] Thanks, Jill.

[50:15] Thanks, Jill.

Hallie Haglund

[50:16] My sister's name is Jillian and my last name is Hagelin.

[50:20] Do you think it was her?

Dan McCoy

[50:21] It probably was.

Elliott Kalan

[50:23] Probably was.

[50:23] How generous was like a million dollars.

[50:25] Thank you.

Dan McCoy

[50:26] Yeah, we can retire.

[50:27] Yay.

[50:28] So thanks to Maximum Fun, we're not making any more shows.

[50:31] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[50:32] Maximum Fun, of course, was founded by Maxwell Funenstein.

[50:35] Okay, sure.

[50:36] He named it himself, Max Fun.

[50:37] German frying.

[50:38] Yeah, yeah.

[50:39] Maxwell Funenstein of Stuttgart.

[50:43] Oh, interesting.

[50:43] And he had a vision.

Stuart Wellington

[50:46] I mean, that's a southern town, so he should have visions.

Dan McCoy

[50:49] Yeah, he had a simple vision.

[50:51] A world with only Germans in it.

[50:53] Oh, weird.

[50:53] That's uncommon in Germany.

Elliott Kalan

[50:54] Max Fun has kind of changed its precepts over time.

[50:59] Now it's more about fun podcasts.

[51:01] Podcasts like Floor Stompers.

[51:03] No.

[51:04] TV or Yes TV.

[51:06] The Radiator Talks.

[51:07] Those are the options.

[51:08] Yeah.

[51:10] The Guinness Podcast of World Steckers.

[51:14] Checkers.

[51:15] World Checkers.

[51:17] Let's see.

[51:18] Okay.

[51:18] And what was that podcast you were on, Hallie?

[51:21] Rugs.

[51:23] No, that was the one about toupees and carpets, right?

[51:26] Yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[51:27] And we had to guess which one.

Elliott Kalan

[51:29] Yeah, and let's not forget bag fuckers.

[51:31] The only podcast where they review the sexual possibilities behind different bags.

Stuart Wellington

[51:36] I mean, that one doesn't pull any punches.

[51:39] No.

[51:40] Or bags.

[51:40] But I'll tell you what.

[51:41] I'm not afraid who it offends.

Hallie Haglund

[51:42] Yeah, try to ride a subway without getting a boner after that podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[51:46] But I'll tell you what podcast does pull its punches.

[51:48] Punch pullers.

[51:51] Do you have a punch that needs pulling?

[51:53] Call the punch pullers.

[51:55] They'll travel anywhere in the country and pull a punch for you.

Hallie Haglund

[51:58] Hey, you pulled my punch.

[52:00] Right.

Stuart Wellington

[52:01] Jesus Christ.

[52:02] I've got two more announcements.

[52:03] He's got a podcast on Facebook, too.

[52:04] That's another podcast, too.

[52:05] Jesus Christ, I've got more letters.

Elliott Kalan

[52:07] And it's a guy who reads letters to Jesus.

Dan McCoy

[52:10] I haven't gone to the letters.

[52:11] Jesus answers up.

[52:12] Just two more quick announcements.

[52:15] As of this taping, there's still 12 seats for the Yonkers show on October the 18th.

[52:22] Get the fuck out of here.

Elliott Kalan

[52:22] How are there still 12 seats left?

[52:25] This is I Know Who Killed You People.

Hallie Haglund

[52:26] Perfect for the disciples.

[52:28] You're right.

Elliott Kalan

[52:29] If you're the apostles.

[52:30] Oh, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[52:32] The disciples are the apostles' enemies in WCW.

Elliott Kalan

[52:36] Yeah, it's the other softball team in the intramural Jesus softball league.

[52:41] So get on that.

Hallie Haglund

[52:42] I hope those apostles' disciples inside of now.

Elliott Kalan

[52:46] There's 12 seats left.

[52:48] You can still buy the tickets.

[52:50] But I would advise against showing up on Yonkers Day and trying to get tickets day of.

[52:56] It's not going to happen.

[52:56] And by the way, happy Yonkers Day.

[52:59] Traffic on Yonkers Day is terrible.

[53:01] Oh, it's awful.

[53:02] But the Yonkers Day parade is one of my favorites.

[53:04] So many Yonkers.

[53:07] Founded by Jebediah Yonkers.

[53:09] Yonkers Day celebrates all that is Yonkers.

Hallie Haglund

[53:12] It started Yonking and then it just got Yonker.

Stuart Wellington

[53:17] Jebediah known for creating Mountain Dew from his mountain fastness.

[53:21] And lastly.

Dan McCoy

[53:24] Lastly in the announcement section.

[53:26] By the time you hear this.

[53:27] Lastly, Lagland.

[53:28] By the time you hear this, voting will be open for our contest.

[53:32] Seeking the new song of the autumn.

[53:34] Song of the autumn.

Elliott Kalan

[53:36] Last autumn song was, of course, He's the House Cat.

[53:39] Parentheses, Arthur's theme.

Dan McCoy

[53:41] But if you go to flophousepodcast.com, I'll have all the songs up for you to vote.

[53:48] How many options are there?

[53:49] How many candidates?

[53:50] As of right now, I think there are nine or ten of the songs.

[53:54] That's a lot.

[53:54] Yeah.

[53:54] Okay.

[53:55] So go there and vote.

[53:58] Are any of them from David Byrne?

Stuart Wellington

[53:59] No.

[54:00] It's going to be tough because you're picking between all champions.

[54:04] But you have to pick one.

Elliott Kalan

[54:06] Unfortunately, as with Highlanders, there can only be one.

[54:08] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[54:09] But now, moving into letters.

[54:12] Everything's butts with you.

[54:13] Yeah.

[54:14] Everything is butts.

[54:16] Our first letter of the evening.

Elliott Kalan

[54:18] First letter of the evening.

[54:21] First letter of the night.

[54:24] First letter for a time of fright.

[54:27] It's Shocktober Letters Tonight.

[54:30] Ooh.

[54:30] Kind of look close to someone who can protect you from the ghosts.

[54:34] In the letters.

[54:36] They're ghost written because they're ghost letters.

[54:38] Shocktober ghost letters like this.

[54:40] Dear Flophouse, I'm a ghost.

[54:42] I lost my keys.

[54:44] Do you know where?

[54:46] I'm a ghost.

[54:47] No pockets in here.

[54:48] I can get through the door.

[54:51] Should I tie a knot?

[54:53] What?

[54:55] Hallie, I don't know what that means.

[54:57] Why is this ghost asking about his keys?

[55:00] Because he lost them.

Hallie Haglund

[55:01] When you lose something, you should tie a knot.

Elliott Kalan

[55:05] This letter song got weird.

[55:07] You know, like you'd lose the cure for cancer.

[55:09] Yep.

[55:10] Ghost Connery.

Stuart Wellington

[55:11] I found the cure for pizza, but I lost it.

[55:14] Kind of like how you lose your cheese.

[55:18] I've been workshopping this Medicine Man, Pizza Man reboot.

Elliott Kalan

[55:24] You're going to do that at Caroline's.

[55:27] See how that works out.

[55:29] Caroline's in the city.

[55:30] So continue with the letters, Dan.

[55:31] Now that my song was rudely destroyed by Hallie.

Dan McCoy

[55:34] So this is called, it goes like this.

[55:37] Joyous Shocktober Flophouse.

[55:39] Or should I say, Boyless Shocktober Chop House.

[55:43] Yep.

[55:43] Pretty good.

[55:44] With the approach of the spookiest of all months, I've realized I've got a few totally scarifying

[55:49] questions begging to be released from the dungeons of my mind, and I was hoping the original

[55:54] Moldy Peaches could answer them for me.

[55:56] However, that indie band has been on hiatus for about a decade, so perhaps Internet Radio's

[56:01] favorite ghostly trio can answer them for me.

[56:04] The first.

[56:05] Quattro.

[56:05] Or perhaps worst.

[56:06] Why can't we be a heroic trio?

[56:07] Goes to Boort Skellington.

[56:09] Okay.

[56:10] Do you prefer your mid-80s through early 90s creature features to have a heavy metal

[56:13] song or a hip-hop track playing over the end credits?

[56:16] I'm partial to the ending rap songs from Waxwork 2, Lost in Time, and Maniac Cop 2, but do

[56:22] have a soft spot in my heart, or someone's heart, for Dream Warriors by Dokken from Nightmare

[56:26] 3 and Man Behind the Mask by Alice Cooper.

Stuart Wellington

[56:29] That's the thing.

[56:30] The Dream Warriors by Dokken is great, and I remember when, I'm sure I've shared this story,

[56:36] but Dan and I watched that, watched on like VHS or some shit.

[56:40] Yeah.

[56:40] And after the movie, they showed the music video, and the music video is like Dokken hanging

[56:47] out in a fucking dreamscape, rocking out.

[56:49] And after the video, it cuts to Freddy Krueger in bed, and he wakes up from this horrible nightmare,

[56:56] and I guess he's like wearing all his gear and shit, and he looks at the camera and he's

[57:00] like, who were those guys?

[57:02] Which is awesome, because it's like Dokken, I guess, scares Freddy Krueger?

[57:06] Yeah.

[57:07] It's like the Guns N' Roses waste of ammunition bit from the end of the You Could Be Mine video.

Elliott Kalan

[57:15] And that Terminator recognizes each of the members of the band.

Stuart Wellington

[57:19] Yeah, because, I mean, the Terminator's not going to waste his ammo on Guns N' Roses.

[57:22] They're going to be shitty in like 20 years.

[57:24] He's like, I'll let them destroy themselves with Chinese democracy.

[57:28] So, all right.

[57:29] That's, I assume, a vote for the rock.

[57:32] Always rock.

[57:32] The thing is that I love the, there's nothing better than a movie that ends with a guitar squeal.

[57:37] So, the second.

[57:41] It was more of a big oink.

[57:42] It was a big oink.

[57:44] That's not what it squeals outside.

Dan McCoy

[57:49] The second question, which is more of a dead-shun, is for Heliot Whalen.

[57:56] Who do you prefer?

[57:57] Or if a ghost was asking this question, boo-boo-boo prefer.

[58:01] This is really going way overboard.

[58:03] Or Bela Lugosi.

[58:04] Personally, I became quite the fan of Mr. Karloff after reading the excellent biographies

[58:07] Boris Karloff, A Gentleman's Life.

[58:09] However, Mr. Lugosi did meet a Brooklyn gorilla.

[58:12] It's very true.

Elliott Kalan

[58:14] I have gone, actually, back and forth between the two of them throughout my life.

[58:17] For a long time, I was a much bigger Boris Karloff fan,

[58:20] and I really didn't like Bela Lugosi when I was younger.

[58:23] And then, as I got older, I came to get him more.

[58:27] And I go back and forth on him, but it's hard for me to pick a favorite.

[58:31] They both have such unique styles, and they both have such different feels to them.

[58:37] The kind of decadent old world Eastern Europe of Bela Lugosi.

[58:42] And the sophisticated yet monstrous English qualities of Boris Karloff.

[58:48] So I know they're both great, and it's hard to choose.

[58:51] And that's why The Black Cat is my favorite of their movies,

[58:53] because they're both in it, and they're both great in it.

Hallie Haglund

[58:55] Just so you guys know, Lulu is doing a lot of crazy shit on the rug right now,

[59:01] so it's hard for anyone to pay attention to it.

Dan McCoy

[59:04] Lulu is desperately trying to take...

[59:06] If I am, Hallie means Hallie.

[59:07] And that's the thing, is that...

[59:08] If she's not talking, it's because she's watching...

Elliott Kalan

[59:10] She's watching a cat play with a toy mouse.

[59:12] The least crazy thing a cat could do.

Stuart Wellington

[59:16] I sense Elliot's a little upset that we're not paying attention to him right now.

[59:20] I mean...

Elliott Kalan

[59:21] I'm talking important stuff here.

[59:23] Karloff and Lugosi.

[59:25] All right, so...

[59:26] I have to say, though, also, it's hard for me now to not feel more sympathy for Bela Lugosi,

[59:31] since Boris Karloff had...

Hallie Haglund

[59:32] Oh, I thought you were going to say it's hard for me to not feel more sympathy for cats

[59:36] now that I have a baby.

[59:38] Nope, not a sentence that was going to come out of my mouth.

Elliott Kalan

[59:41] They're basically the same.

[59:42] They're very similar, and not at all.

[59:44] But it is...

[59:45] They both roll around, they lick stuff.

Hallie Haglund

[59:48] They do really cute things that preoccupy you.

Elliott Kalan

[59:50] That's true.

[59:51] They both can't control their own pooping.

Hallie Haglund

[59:54] Actually, cats can.

[59:55] They have a place for it.

Elliott Kalan

[59:57] That's one up for cats.

[59:57] Point cats in this one.

[59:59] Boris Karloff's life went a lot better than Bela Lugosi,

[1:00:02] and so I feel kind of like the sympathy for Bela Lugosi, too.

[1:00:06] Yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[1:00:07] I was thinking Bela Karoli this whole time.

[1:00:10] I was a little confused.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:12] Yeah, more sympathy for Bela Karoli.

[1:00:14] Who can forget when a carry strug landed on that fractured leg,

[1:00:18] and then Bela Lugosi swooped in and carried her away.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:21] He's like, you can do it!

[1:00:22] And then he sucked the blood out of her.

[1:00:24] My gymnast of the night, what sweet jumps you make.

[1:00:28] Thanks for the effort.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:31] I'm bats over you.

[1:00:33] That's the vampire Valentine's Day card.

[1:00:36] You drive me batty.

[1:00:39] It would suck if I didn't know you.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:45] Bat my valentine.

[1:00:47] Are you sick?

[1:00:48] You seem to have a little cough in.

[1:00:53] That's a stretch.

[1:00:54] A little cough in.

[1:00:55] That was a big stretch.

[1:00:56] Yeah, because she's tiny.

[1:00:57] She's a gymnast, dude.

[1:00:58] She's a child who dies.

[1:01:00] You've got a little cough in.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:01] Yeah, like Casper, the friendly dead kid.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:05] Did he have legs?

[1:01:06] All right, guys.

[1:01:07] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:07] So he's like, not me?

[1:01:09] Yeah, Ida No and Not Me were Casper's brothers.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:11] He's not you, Stuart.

[1:01:13] You're not dead.

[1:01:16] What's happening?

[1:01:18] Wait, what?

[1:01:20] Was there going to be a question for you, Dan?

[1:01:21] Come on.

[1:01:22] Yeah, for his last question.

[1:01:23] He says he turns to the Creepinardo of the group, Dank Bones McCoy.

[1:01:28] Bones, you've recommended many films to watch while you're on an airplane.

[1:01:31] But what if that airplane was flying into hell?

[1:01:35] Like in Event Horizon?

[1:01:36] Yeah, and this is from Charlie McCorn on the Macabre.

[1:01:41] I'm going to go with Tail Sting, the movie about giant scorpions on a plane that came out several years before Snakes on a Plane.

[1:01:50] 2001, a good, bad movie.

[1:01:54] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:55] Really?

[1:01:56] So your plane's flying into hell.

[1:01:57] This is probably the last movie you'll ever see.

[1:01:59] And he chose Tail Sting.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:00] All right, I want to change it.

[1:02:01] I'm assuming that if he's going to hell, he's going to be watching a lot of movies.

[1:02:05] Possibly the quiet ones on repeat.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:07] Yeah.

[1:02:07] If I'm going into hell, maybe, I don't know, Emmanuel?

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:12] Wait, the first one?

Dan McCoy

[1:02:14] Yeah, I don't know.

[1:02:15] Not Emmanuel in space?

[1:02:17] So this next one.

[1:02:18] Really a TV series.

[1:02:19] It goes like this.

[1:02:22] Allie's so excited.

[1:02:23] Allie is very distracted by this cat.

[1:02:25] Well, Lulu doesn't normally hang out with other people, but she has found a kindred spirit in Allie.

[1:02:31] Well, Allie is a cat spirit.

[1:02:32] Okay, podcasting.

[1:02:35] Hello, fellows.

[1:02:36] It's well established that your wives don't have any interest in the gobbledygook that you post on iTunes for the world to see.

[1:02:41] Very true.

[1:02:42] Wait, well, that's not true.

[1:02:43] Your wife doesn't.

[1:02:44] She has no interest.

[1:02:45] I think Charlene listens, right?

[1:02:47] She does, yeah.

[1:02:48] Sarah listens.

[1:02:49] So I guess what does it feel like to have a wife who doesn't care about you, Elliot?

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:54] I mean, in some ways it's nice that my wife doesn't care about this junk.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:56] She reads all the comics you write, right?

[1:02:59] Yeah.

[1:03:00] Well, really?

[1:03:01] Well, most of them, yeah.

[1:03:02] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:03] Anyway.

[1:03:03] She watches the show I'm the head writer for.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:06] What's that?

[1:03:07] The John Oliver one?

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:08] Yeah, yeah.

[1:03:09] It's called...

[1:03:09] Roasted.

[1:03:11] Boom.

[1:03:11] Burned.

[1:03:12] No, it's for a podcast I do for Max Fun called Microphone Guys.

[1:03:17] Yeah.

[1:03:18] There are a couple of guys with a microphone.

[1:03:20] Anyway, the point...

[1:03:21] But just one, so it's not recorded that well.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:23] Point is that...

[1:03:24] The point break.

[1:03:25] Actually, two-thirds of our wives do listen to the show, but this guy's question...

[1:03:29] It's always wives' butts with this guy.

[1:03:31] It is.

[1:03:32] What of your private lives?

[1:03:33] What is the relationship between each flopper's respective wife and the two men with whom he

[1:03:38] spends way too much time?

[1:03:39] What are you implying?

[1:03:40] And have they bonded together like the wives of the Project Mercury astronauts because no

[1:03:43] one else could possibly understand?

[1:03:44] That's from Dan Lasting with help.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:47] Dan McCoy.

[1:03:47] Thanks for writing in, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:49] Surprised there wasn't something in there about how great Dan is.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:51] I know the flop wives went on the real flop wives of Kings County and went on a trip to

[1:04:00] a Russian spa at one point.

[1:04:02] Mm-hmm.

[1:04:03] They do stuff together sometimes.

[1:04:04] Yeah.

[1:04:07] I'm assuming in no way do they talk about bad movies or their husbands?

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:11] Not at all.

[1:04:11] Every now and then I'll bring up to Danielle the idea of doing a wives episode of the Flophouse

[1:04:15] where our wives watch a movie.

[1:04:17] Mainly as a goof, right?

Dan McCoy

[1:04:18] Yeah.

[1:04:18] To fuck with her?

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:19] And every time she says, I would rather not do that.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:21] They all like each other, though.

[1:04:24] I mean, like, I think that...

[1:04:24] No, they get along very well, yeah.

[1:04:25] I think that maybe they would not have come to know each other.

[1:04:30] I mean, like, they certainly would not have come to know each other...

[1:04:32] If we weren't friends.

[1:04:33] If we weren't friends.

[1:04:34] But now they're all independently friends with each other.

[1:04:38] And independently wealthy.

[1:04:39] And all of them, I would say, are friends with each of us.

[1:04:44] Yeah.

[1:04:46] Wait, what are you saying?

[1:04:47] Charlene doesn't like me?

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:48] No, that was...

[1:04:50] Ah, shit.

[1:04:51] I didn't want to do this.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:53] Could just...

[1:04:54] Not like is such strong language.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:56] She despises you?

[1:04:59] Well...

[1:04:59] It's weird that she comes over to the house sometimes when you're not here.

[1:05:03] It seems like she wouldn't do that if we weren't pals.

[1:05:07] What is this?

[1:05:07] Lake Consequence?

[1:05:08] Yeah.

[1:05:09] It is.

[1:05:10] Just kidding.

[1:05:11] Lake Consequence.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:11] It's Temptation Island.

[1:05:13] Mm-hmm.

[1:05:14] So, Hallie, what's going on?

[1:05:16] Mm-hmm.

[1:05:17] How's that cat treating you?

Hallie Haglund

[1:05:18] She was good.

[1:05:20] She was so friendly.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:21] This is a very unfocused episode of the Flop House.

Hallie Haglund

[1:05:24] Well, what...

[1:05:25] The questions are directed to you guys.

[1:05:27] You want me to wait?

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:28] That's why I try to ask you a question.

[1:05:30] What's going on?

[1:05:31] Oh, uh...

Hallie Haglund

[1:05:32] I'll bring you back into the floor.

[1:05:33] Yeah.

[1:05:34] I love all your wives.

[1:05:36] Thanks.

[1:05:36] They're all great.

[1:05:38] Hi.

[1:05:38] They're really nice.

[1:05:40] Damn.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:40] Don't be creepy.

[1:05:42] Purpose right number one, everybody.

[1:05:43] The last question for the night.

[1:05:46] Since movies are such a big part of your lives, I was wondering where it all began for each of you.

[1:05:51] In other words...

[1:05:51] Well, when a man loves a woman very much.

[1:05:53] In other words...

[1:05:54] And the woman loves the guy.

[1:05:55] I guess so-so.

[1:05:56] In other words, what are your first movie memories?

[1:05:59] Mine is of seeing The Mask of Zora with my parents.

[1:06:01] And, well, I wouldn't recommend it.

[1:06:03] Signed, Batman, real name with hell.

[1:06:06] Wayne Manor.

[1:06:06] Gotham City, USA.

[1:06:07] Earth 2.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:09] So, um...

[1:06:10] Wait, Earth 2?

[1:06:10] Yeah.

[1:06:11] So it's the bad guy, Batman.

[1:06:13] Apparently.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:15] Uh, Hallie, why don't you...

[1:06:16] This is a question you can actually answer.

Hallie Haglund

[1:06:17] My first question would actually be, like, did we ask you what your favorite movies are?

[1:06:22] No, we didn't.

[1:06:24] JK.

[1:06:27] Thanks for explaining that.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:30] JK means Joker to him.

[1:06:32] He thinks that was a threat.

Hallie Haglund

[1:06:34] I'm just kidding.

[1:06:35] I'm sorry.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:37] Earliest movie memory, Hallie.

Hallie Haglund

[1:06:39] Well, I thought of a joke thing.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:41] Okay.

[1:06:41] Say it first.

Hallie Haglund

[1:06:42] Oh, I was gonna say, when I found my...

[1:06:45] Oh, no.

[1:06:46] Say it.

[1:06:47] What?

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:48] You're the one who...

[1:06:49] You brought it up.

[1:06:50] You introduced something.

Hallie Haglund

[1:06:52] When I found my parents' better sex videos that are just instructional videos about out of sex.

[1:06:59] Is that true?

[1:06:59] Oh, my God.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:00] Yeah, they exist.

[1:07:01] Were they?

[1:07:01] Were they good?

[1:07:02] Were they cassette tapes?

[1:07:03] Or were they, like, the old Joy of Sex things where you got, like, the illustrations of, like, super hairy 1970s people having sex with each other?

[1:07:11] How did they draw them hairy?

[1:07:13] I don't know.

[1:07:13] It was from the time when a hairy was self-disliked.

Hallie Haglund

[1:07:16] There's a professor with a bow tie in part of it.

[1:07:19] And then there's, like, a lot of sex in part of it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:23] Is it the professor with the bow tie having the sex?

[1:07:25] No.

Hallie Haglund

[1:07:25] He's like, this is how you have sex in a pool.

[1:07:28] And then it cuts to people having sex in a pool.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:29] But did you learn a lot from it?

[1:07:30] We know a website that's interested in that.

[1:07:32] So it's not like the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

[1:07:34] The criminologist is just narrating while the others are having the adventure.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:37] Wait.

[1:07:38] What was the advice on having sex in a pool?

[1:07:40] Because I would not recommend it.

[1:07:41] That's not a good lubricant.

[1:07:43] Water?

[1:07:43] Well, wait.

[1:07:45] When did this become a sex how-to podcast?

[1:07:47] I'm just curious what the...

Hallie Haglund

[1:07:48] I mean, this was...

[1:07:49] I was young.

[1:07:49] How to have sex in a pool.

[1:07:50] It was the 90s, probably.

[1:07:51] Maybe the...

Dan McCoy

[1:07:52] It was the 90s.

[1:07:53] Everyone was watching sex videos back then.

[1:07:55] In school, we were watching them.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:57] So that sounds like a great memory.

Hallie Haglund

[1:07:59] But that's not real.

[1:08:01] I really hope...

[1:08:02] My parents don't listen to your podcast, do they?

Dan McCoy

[1:08:04] They do listen a lot, yeah.

[1:08:06] You told the story of how your mom had someone in our class come up to her and ask whether...

Hallie Haglund

[1:08:10] Hey, whoever that was...

[1:08:13] Can you just...

[1:08:14] Real talk.

[1:08:15] ...keep this between us?

[1:08:18] So what was the question?

[1:08:20] First movie memory.

[1:08:23] Pet Sematary.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:24] Oh, shit.

[1:08:25] That's a good one.

Hallie Haglund

[1:08:26] Hardcore.

[1:08:26] That was so scary.

[1:08:28] I had this really good friend, Hillary Power, and she...

Dan McCoy

[1:08:33] If you're listening, Hillary Power.

[1:08:34] Don't tell Harry's mom.

Hallie Haglund

[1:08:36] You're great.

[1:08:37] She was the first person I ever smoked a cigarette with at a very early age.

[1:08:42] Three.

[1:08:42] And she also exposed me to Pet Sematary.

[1:08:46] And I remember, even though I would smoke a cigarette with her, I still had to call my

[1:08:50] mom to pick me up in the middle of the night because I was so scared from Pet Sematary.

[1:08:55] That's a little shock to open memory for you guys.

[1:08:58] What?

Dan McCoy

[1:08:59] My first memory was not as interesting as either of Hallie's.

[1:09:04] My parents took me to see Never Cry Wolf in the theaters.

[1:09:09] I don't know.

[1:09:10] That's a movie about...

[1:09:11] Brotherhood of Wolf?

[1:09:12] No.

[1:09:12] Never Cry Wolf.

[1:09:13] It's about a...

[1:09:14] Dan wasn't allowed to watch movies.

[1:09:15] It's about a researcher who goes and lives with the wolves in Alaska.

[1:09:20] And I remember it being very good.

[1:09:22] And I remember very little about it other than there was a scene where the guy, like,

[1:09:27] jumps up naked because there's, like, a bunch of...

[1:09:30] Like, a herd of moose or antler.

[1:09:34] Caribou or something.

[1:09:35] Caribou.

[1:09:35] Something.

[1:09:35] Princess caribou is run by.

[1:09:37] And I think Brian Dennehy is in it and he pilots a plane.

[1:09:40] He must be great.

[1:09:41] And there's a scene where he falls through the ice and can almost...

[1:09:45] Brian Denny almost falls through the ice?

[1:09:47] The hero.

[1:09:47] Oh.

[1:09:48] He has a hard time getting back out of the ice, finding the hole that he fell through.

[1:09:51] And those are the three things I remember about Never Cry Wolf.

Hallie Haglund

[1:09:54] Did you ever watch My Life as a Dog?

[1:09:57] Yeah.

[1:09:58] Because that was an early, also, movie memory for me.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:01] Yeah.

[1:10:02] Not as shocking, though.

[1:10:03] Not as Shocktober memory.

[1:10:04] No.

[1:10:05] Neither of these are shocking.

[1:10:06] But, you know.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:08] Okay.

[1:10:09] But they got a dog and a wolf in them.

[1:10:11] Yeah.

[1:10:11] No, it was...

[1:10:12] There was no dog.

Hallie Haglund

[1:10:14] Actually, there was no dog in the movie I'm talking about.

[1:10:17] It's just...

[1:10:18] Wait, where was it?

[1:10:18] Coming of age story.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:19] I remember Lassa Hallstrom's movie.

[1:10:22] Yeah.

[1:10:22] Yeah, where the kid gets...

Hallie Haglund

[1:10:23] My Life as a Dog.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:24] He's a...

[1:10:24] No, I know.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:25] The kid gets cursed to turn into a dog.

[1:10:28] It's like the Shaggy DA.

[1:10:29] Yeah, like the Shaggy DA or that My Pet Monster TV pilot from years ago.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:35] My Pet Monster?

[1:10:36] Yeah.

[1:10:38] I know there's no dog.

[1:10:39] Wait, does he find a monster in the basement?

[1:10:41] No, he gets...

Dan McCoy

[1:10:42] Yeah, the curse gets put on him where he turns into the My Pet Monster character.

[1:10:46] Guys, what about your first movie memories?

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:49] I'm still thinking about My Pet Monster.

[1:10:52] My first memory is kind of a Shocktober memory.

[1:10:55] I remember going to see Ghostbusters as a little kid and my mom covering my eyes for the first...

[1:11:00] During the blowjob scene?

[1:11:01] The first...

[1:11:02] No, of course not.

[1:11:03] That's totally cool.

[1:11:04] It was the first scare when the librarian goes...

[1:11:08] And afterwards, like when we were in the theater,

[1:11:11] she covered my eyes and I'm like,

[1:11:12] what did it look like?

[1:11:14] And her description was, like Skeletor.

[1:11:16] So all moms out there, that's how you'd be a good mom.

[1:11:19] Because I immediately knew what she was talking about.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:22] And that she knew who Skeletor was is a big place.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:24] Exactly.

[1:11:25] Looks more like a ghost of like a gorilla.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:28] Have you never seen Skeletor?

Dan McCoy

[1:11:31] He is stacked.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:33] Especially when the librarian has that ram's head staff.

[1:11:37] Elliot?

[1:11:38] I honestly don't remember like the earliest movie memory I have.

[1:11:42] Like there's not a time going back that I don't remember.

[1:11:45] So just mention something you remember.

[1:11:47] I mean, I know the first movie that I was ever brought to as a baby

[1:11:49] was Atlantic City, the Louis Maul movie.

[1:11:52] I think me and my sister, I think, were like a month old or two months old.

[1:11:56] My parents just needed to go to the movies.

[1:11:58] So they brought us and apparently my sister cried and had to be taken to the lobby,

[1:12:02] whereas I was a gentleman and watched the film.

[1:12:05] Ice cold.

[1:12:06] Yeah.

[1:12:06] Oh, yeah.

[1:12:07] I was just totally emotionless.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:09] Apparently I cried my way through Empire Strikes Back and my mom had to take me out of it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:13] She was like, this is the best one of the trilogy.

[1:12:16] You'll understand that when you're older.

Hallie Haglund

[1:12:18] I'm pretty confident that you cried your way through most of adolescence.

[1:12:23] What is this?

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:26] Wow.

[1:12:27] Whoa.

[1:12:27] Feed Hallie a couple of martinis and this is what happens.

[1:12:31] I will say that, if we're talking about shocking things,

[1:12:33] I've told the story in the past about when I was eight or nine years old

[1:12:37] and my dad borrowed a tape of Robocop from his friend

[1:12:39] and the opening scene where Edie Tonine blows that guy's chest to pieces,

[1:12:44] how totally shocking that was to me as a kid.

[1:12:47] And I think it turned me into the sociopath I am today.

[1:12:50] Yeah.

[1:12:50] When you got up and ran around the room going, whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:54] I do remember my older brothers forcing me into a dark room

[1:13:00] and making me watch Poltergeist and Aliens.

[1:13:03] And I think that that, rather than putting me off horror,

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:07] gave me a taste for it.

[1:13:09] Yeah, well, it's like when you force somebody to smoke an entire carton of cigarettes

[1:13:13] and they become a smoker for life.

Hallie Haglund

[1:13:15] It's like when you force someone to have sex with you

[1:13:18] and then they finally get really into sex.

[1:13:21] What?

[1:13:23] What?

Dan McCoy

[1:13:26] That's the Hallie Hagelin charm.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:28] She can say horrible things.

[1:13:30] And it comes out adorable.

[1:13:33] I didn't have any older siblings, so I missed out on that.

[1:13:37] But I remember when I was a kid, I had a friend named Derek

[1:13:39] who had an older brother who was super into horror movies.

[1:13:41] He was Ricky Gervais.

[1:13:43] Yeah.

[1:13:43] He wasn't really funny, but he was heartwarming.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:48] He went on to become the best baseball player of all time.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:51] Okay, so can I say something about Derek?

[1:13:55] Can I finish one thing?

Dan McCoy

[1:13:57] Oh, for the first time, Elliot's like, can I finish?

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:01] Go on.

[1:14:01] Derek had an older brother who was super into horror movies

[1:14:04] and would leave copies of like...

[1:14:06] Was the name Zach or Thad?

[1:14:08] Yeah, it was Thad Zach.

[1:14:09] Chet.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:10] Thad Zach.

[1:14:11] A real Thad Zach.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:12] It was Zach.

[1:14:13] But he would leave copies of Fangoria and like the boxes

[1:14:16] to horror movies he'd rented all over the place.

[1:14:18] It's like my dream older brother.

[1:14:20] And I would just see these like random images of gore

[1:14:24] lying on the floor in like the living room of my friend's house.

[1:14:27] And I was never brave enough to like pick up the magazine

[1:14:30] and flip through it and read the articles.

[1:14:33] Be a man.

[1:14:34] What?

[1:14:35] Be a man.

[1:14:36] Well, it was hard for me to be a man when I was like seven.

[1:14:38] But I think that was my introduction to like horror

[1:14:42] was these isolated glimpses of people's faces torn off

[1:14:46] or like their skin blowing up or whatever.

Hallie Haglund

[1:14:49] You never...

[1:14:50] So I feel like it was a pretty classic experience

[1:14:53] in a young girl's life that you would go to a slumber party.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:00] And get your period.

[1:15:01] No, you'd go to a slumber party.

[1:15:03] And your mom would have to pick you up

[1:15:04] because you would pretend that you had like,

[1:15:06] oh, I'm supposed to go to church tomorrow,

[1:15:08] so I better go home.

[1:15:09] But really, it's because you were a woman now.

Hallie Haglund

[1:15:11] You went to a slumber party.

[1:15:12] Somebody had like a real like drama horror movie.

[1:15:17] Somebody had faces of death.

[1:15:19] And I was the one who had a live.

[1:15:21] We watched a live of my slumber party for my 10th birthday.

[1:15:24] That's crazy.

[1:15:26] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:26] This is a girl thing.

[1:15:27] Girls do this.

[1:15:28] Guys don't do this so much.

[1:15:29] When they're older, I guess they get together.

[1:15:30] Their friends just watch horror movies all night.

[1:15:32] They watch pornography.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:33] But when I was like 10, I totally would not do that.

[1:15:36] No, I would be way too scared.

[1:15:37] When I was like 10, I had a birthday party

[1:15:40] where I showed Nausicaa Valley of the Wind,

[1:15:42] and my friend didn't like it, so he left.

[1:15:45] Like we got in a fight, and he had to leave my birthday party

[1:15:48] because he didn't like Nausicaa.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:49] Yeah, so when I was 10, I think we went to see

[1:15:50] like the Ninja Turtles movie in the theaters.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:52] Did you play light as a feather, stiff as a board?

[1:15:54] Yeah.

[1:15:55] That's awesome.

Hallie Haglund

[1:15:56] But I also do remember walking in on my brother's slumber party

[1:16:00] when they were watching a porn movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:02] Yeah.

[1:16:03] That's a weird slumber party.

Hallie Haglund

[1:16:04] Do you remember what porn it was?

[1:16:06] It involved like a money shot, and I remember when it happened,

[1:16:09] they were like, ah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

[1:16:13] And I remember the laugh.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:14] Wait, they're laughing?

[1:16:14] That's weirdly enough my O-face is laughing and clapping.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:20] Laughing and applauding.

[1:16:21] Yeah, I did it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:22] So like a real disingenuous laugh?

[1:16:28] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:30] That's right.

Hallie Haglund

[1:16:32] I mean, even at the time when I was very young, it felt like,

[1:16:36] all right, you guys are saying this is funny,

[1:16:39] but I think there's a lot more feelings going on.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:42] You walked in and you went, okay, guys, just be honest and whip it out.

[1:16:45] We all know what you want to do.

[1:16:47] If you excuse me, I've got some of my little ponies to play with.

Hallie Haglund

[1:16:50] I've got a diary entry to write.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:53] That was the kind of thing my college roommate, freshman year,

[1:16:55] used to do is that he would watch porn and be like,

[1:16:57] this is hilarious.

[1:16:59] Look at that.

[1:16:59] That's crazy.

[1:17:00] What?

[1:17:00] And it was like, just masturbate to it.

[1:17:02] Like, I'm not going to judge you.

[1:17:04] Like, come on.

[1:17:04] I mean, not while I'm here.

[1:17:05] I mean, I don't want to be in the room,

Dan McCoy

[1:17:06] but like, don't pretend you're watching it ironically.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:08] Don't chase me out of the room by masturbating or anything.

[1:17:11] You're a fucking castle freak.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:14] You're going to watch something ironically.

[1:17:16] It's not pornography.

[1:17:17] No.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:18] We would watch like Bloodsport or Best of the Best, ironically.

[1:17:21] Yeah.

[1:17:22] Sure.

Hallie Haglund

[1:17:22] Bloodsport was actually a really good movie.

[1:17:25] One of my early movie, one of my actual early movie memories.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:30] I don't remember.

[1:17:31] Is when your parents took you to go see Bloodsport in the theater.

Hallie Haglund

[1:17:33] And we rented it from Video Variety.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:37] Video Variety.

[1:17:38] Yeah.

[1:17:39] We've got a variety of videos.

[1:17:41] We've got all types of movies, from Bloodsport to pornography.

Hallie Haglund

[1:17:44] I mean, I have such an early memory of Video Variety that I remember being a child and, like,

[1:17:52] hugging someone's legs and a man looking down at me and not being my dad.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:57] Aw.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:58] It's like, okay, here's Bloodsport.

[1:18:00] Get the fuck out of here.

[1:18:01] And you were like, uh, I don't want him to know that I'm doing this.

[1:18:05] I was made a mistake.

[1:18:05] Uh, I'm robbing you?

Dan McCoy

[1:18:08] Hand me your wallet?

[1:18:09] It's like when you accidentally call the teacher Ma.

[1:18:11] I'm stealing your leg?

[1:18:13] This is my leg now.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:16] Who's the leg now, dog?

[1:18:20] So, uh, we should get on to our final.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:23] This is going to be the longest episode ever.

[1:18:24] Yeah.

[1:18:25] Especially because there's an intro.

[1:18:27] Mamma mia.

[1:18:28] For a Max Fun intro.

[1:18:30] But anyway.

[1:18:31] Um.

[1:18:32] So this is where we recommend movies.

[1:18:33] Split in half.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:34] Save some, uh, save some for later, you know?

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:36] Like, listen to some of your lunch break.

[1:18:39] For next Halloween.

[1:18:40] Treat this like a Thanksgiving turkey.

[1:18:42] Uh, so this is where we recommend.

[1:18:44] Fluff house sandwiches for a couple days after.

Hallie Haglund

[1:18:45] Eat it and then at midnight, go back and listen to some more.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:49] And then turn into a gremlin.

[1:18:51] Uh.

[1:18:52] Don't turn into a gremlin.

[1:18:53] An AMC gremlin.

[1:18:54] So, this is where we recommend movies that we actually liked.

[1:18:57] Rather than the movie we watched.

[1:18:59] Uh, 4th of October.

[1:19:00] If we can, we're going to recommend some horror stuff.

[1:19:02] But if we can't, fuck it.

[1:19:06] We make the rules.

[1:19:07] You're not the boss of us.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:09] Uh, but, um, Elliot, what do you got?

[1:19:12] I'm going to recommend two movies.

[1:19:14] Boom.

[1:19:14] But I'm going to do it quick.

[1:19:15] Uh, this is a movie about a scientist who gathers together a bunch of misfits to do a psychical.

[1:19:21] Misfits of science?

[1:19:21] Misfits of science, exactly.

[1:19:23] To do a psychical experiment.

[1:19:25] So, I'm going to recommend two movies that do that much better.

[1:19:27] The first is a movie I thought for sure I had recommended.

[1:19:30] But when I checked the Flophouse recommendations website, it didn't seem to come up.

[1:19:35] So, I'm going to recommend From Beyond.

[1:19:37] From Stuart Gordon.

[1:19:38] Stuart Wellington's favorite director.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:40] Favorite director, although he's also crushed my heart and soul.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:45] Yeah, by giving us the truth behind Ding Dong Gate.

[1:19:48] Uh, From Beyond is loosely based on the H.P.

[1:19:51] Lovecraft story of the same name.

[1:19:52] Uh, and involves a scientist, group of scientists who are creating a device that can see and interact with the dimension that vibrates at a different wavelength than ours.

[1:20:02] And it's full of horrible creatures.

[1:20:04] And it is a super fun, super gross, like, movie full of, uh, wet special effects, I guess I'd call it.

[1:20:12] There's so many special effects in it that look like latex plastic monsters just slathered in goop.

[1:20:17] And it's pretty great.

[1:20:18] That sounds good to me.

[1:20:19] I may have told this story before on the podcast, but I remember, I, the first time I ever had a kidney stone, I was alone on 4th of July weekend.

[1:20:25] And my wife was out of town, and it was super painful.

[1:20:29] I felt like my body was attacking me, and I was like, I'm just gonna watch a movie.

[1:20:32] I still haven't watched From Beyond yet, and I was like, this movie gets what I'm going through.

[1:20:36] Just a bunch of people whose bodies are fighting against them.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:40] I was stuck home once with, like, a, uh, after I had a surgery because of a broken finger.

[1:20:46] And my mom, uh, in my, like, drug haze, I watched, uh, a movie my mom rented, which was Body Parts, starring Jeff Fahey.

[1:20:55] Uh, and it was a similar situation.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:57] But yeah, around the time Jeffrey Combs sucks a guy's eyeball out of his skull, and then is like, what am I doing?

[1:21:03] I was like, yeah, this movie gets what I'm going through.

[1:21:05] Uh, the other movie I'll recommend is more of a older classic.

[1:21:09] And that is another guy gets a bunch of people together in a haunted house to find some ghosts with his research movie.

[1:21:15] And that's The Haunting, uh, the Robert Wise movie.

[1:21:19] Sure.

[1:21:19] Uh, it's a nice classic early 60s chiller.

[1:21:23] Uh, it's, I think, one of the best, if not the best, of the haunted house movies in general.

[1:21:28] There's some real super creepy parts, uh, and it holds up very well for a movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:32] And beautiful cinematography from Robert Wise as a cinematographer.

[1:21:35] It's a, it's a gorgeous movie, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:37] Did he do the cinematography also?

[1:21:39] Uh, I don't, but he started out as a cinematographer, right?

[1:21:41] No, it's according to this Davis Bolton.

[1:21:42] He started out as an editor.

[1:21:43] Oh, okay.

[1:21:44] He edited, uh, Citizen Kane, Magnuson Amberson's, yeah.

[1:21:47] But, no, but it looks great, and it's a, it's a really spookifying movie.

[1:21:51] So, From Beyond, if you want something a little splatterier, and The Haunting, if you want something classy but still scary.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:58] Um, I'm gonna quickly, because I don't, I don't have a movie.

[1:22:02] Uh, I watched, I don't have a horror movie that I watched recently that I really liked.

[1:22:07] I watched The Sacrament.

[1:22:08] It was okay.

[1:22:09] Not enough to recommend.

[1:22:10] But, I have watched a couple of episodes of the French series, The Returned, about a, an isolated...

[1:22:19] So we can watch, we can recommend TV now?

[1:22:22] Yeah, sure.

[1:22:22] For the, for the purposes of this, why not?

[1:22:24] What about, what about movie trailers?

[1:22:25] Okay, why not?

[1:22:26] Uh, but no, this is a, this is a French series.

[1:22:30] It's available on Netflix streaming.

[1:22:32] It's about a, an isolated French mountain town where some dead people, uh, come back to visit, uh, to come back.

[1:22:43] To visit, just check in, see what he's doing.

[1:22:45] You know, shoot the shit.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:47] Oh, that store closed down.

[1:22:48] That was a, that was a toy store when I was alive.

[1:22:51] Now it's a shoe store.

[1:22:52] All right, I'm dead.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:54] But they come back several years after they died, uh, unaware that any time has passed.

[1:22:59] But the people who, uh, have lived on and had to, you know, put these deaths behind them know, obviously, that these people are dead.

[1:23:08] And it's a series that focuses a lot on mood and atmosphere.

[1:23:14] And the horror of it is not that these are zombies.

[1:23:18] The horror of it is the real emotional horror of these people dealing with what it's like for this mystery, like, to have occurred, like, both for the survivors and for the dead people who realize, holy shit, I died.

[1:23:32] And now I'm coming back to a world that, uh, I no longer fit in.

[1:23:38] Um.

[1:23:38] But are the zombies super scary?

[1:23:40] Uh, there is one, like, super creepy, like, uh, little kid who doesn't talk at all.

[1:23:46] Yeah.

[1:23:46] And I don't know what his deal is yet, because I'm only two episodes in.

[1:23:49] But only two episodes in of an eight-episode first season, I can say it's very good.

[1:23:54] The returned, uh, French TV series.

[1:23:59] Hallie, Shocktober recommendation.

Hallie Haglund

[1:24:03] Shocktober recommendation.

[1:24:05] All right.

[1:24:05] Before Pet Sematary, but also involving Hilary Powers, uh, the movie that first scared me deeply.

[1:24:16] Was, um, the hit film.

[1:24:20] I'm sure you all remember it.

[1:24:22] Witchboard.

[1:24:23] Oh, awesome.

[1:24:24] The original Witchboard.

[1:24:25] And I would like to recommend it, because, uh, it, it, it was pre-paranormal activity, really making use of the materials that scared the shit out of you.

[1:24:40] It was also starring, um...

Dan McCoy

[1:24:42] Tawny Katane.

Hallie Haglund

[1:24:44] No.

[1:24:45] Tawny Katane was not who I was thinking of.

[1:24:48] I was thinking of Stephen Nichols, who was Patch on Days of Our Lives, a very pivotal character.

[1:24:58] He doesn't actually wear a patch.

[1:25:00] He doesn't wear a patch in Witchboard.

[1:25:01] I love you have a beard.

[1:25:03] He doesn't wear a patch in Witchboard, but he does wear a patch on Days of Our Lives.

[1:25:06] But I will say, scared the shit out of me, many nightmares.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:11] Days of Our Lives?

[1:25:13] Or Witchboard?

[1:25:14] Both.

[1:25:15] Okay.

Hallie Haglund

[1:25:15] But I'm recommending Witchboard right now.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:17] So wait, what was the name of your...

[1:25:18] Wait, Witchboard?

[1:25:19] What was the name of your...

Hallie Haglund

[1:25:20] That board.

[1:25:21] Oh, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:22] What was the name of your friend that introduced you to horror movies?

Hallie Haglund

[1:25:25] Hilary Powers.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:26] Because my wife had a friend when she was growing up named Jennifer Hudson, not the actress.

[1:25:32] So I think...

[1:25:33] I feel like there's this trickster spirit who goes around introducing young girls to horror

[1:25:37] movies.

[1:25:38] To Witchboard?

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:38] To Witchboard and other horror movies.

[1:25:40] Yeah, it's called...

[1:25:41] Taking Many Guises.

[1:25:42] It's called Friends of Girls.

[1:25:44] There are a number of stories my wife has told me about the girl she had friends with,

[1:25:49] who was friends with, who was the bad girl who got into trouble, but she was my wife's

[1:25:54] friend, and she introduced her to things that she wasn't really old enough.

[1:25:56] She was like...

[1:25:57] Her name was Hallie.

[1:25:58] But she has like four or five friends that she's told me about by now.

Hallie Haglund

[1:26:00] No, I...

[1:26:01] That was never me, but I will not say...

[1:26:03] I want to say that the person who...

[1:26:06] Hilary Powers, I am friends with on Facebook, and I will say she's leaving an enviable, inspirational

[1:26:13] life.

[1:26:14] Hilary Powers, you overcame those horror movies, and I think you're doing it well.

[1:26:20] So rock on.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:21] Rest in peace.

Hallie Haglund

[1:26:22] With your bad self.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:26] May the force be with you.

[1:26:27] That was an interesting twist that Dan dropped.

[1:26:30] Yeah.

[1:26:31] So I'm going to recommend a movie that I swore I've recommended before.

[1:26:35] It's not one of...

[1:26:36] Okay, well, I don't give a shit.

[1:26:38] It's The Hidden.

[1:26:39] Yeah.

[1:26:40] I'm going to recommend the movie...

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:40] This could be a horror movie if you were caught up in that scenario.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:43] If your body was taken over by some kind of slug alien.

[1:26:46] So, as Elliot said, it's a movie about a slug alien that comes to Earth, takes over people's

[1:26:53] bodies, and then that person goes around on a killing spree because the alien is a horrible

[1:26:58] alien criminal.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:59] That's...

[1:26:59] One of the things I love about that movie is that it's not just like an alien that controls

[1:27:03] you.

[1:27:03] It's an alien criminal.

[1:27:05] Yeah.

[1:27:05] In space, they have a crime, and this escaped criminal is taking people over.

[1:27:09] So...

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:09] Kyle MacLachlan.

[1:27:10] So, yeah.

[1:27:11] Kyle MacLachlan plays...

[1:27:12] It features the music of Concrete Blonde.

[1:27:13] Plays a space cop.

[1:27:15] Who's recommending this movie, dude?

[1:27:16] Sorry.

[1:27:16] And...

[1:27:17] I appreciate the recommendation.

[1:27:18] He gets paired as a FBI agent.

[1:27:21] This is a pre-Twin Peaks.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:22] He's a space cop who inhabits the body of a recently deceased FBI agent.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:26] Yeah.

[1:27:26] Thanks.

[1:27:27] And then the Earth cop, who's like a no-nonsense, blue-collar type, played by Michael

[1:27:33] Nourie.

[1:27:35] The two of those guys chase down this alien no-good Nick.

[1:27:41] And there's some really great shit.

[1:27:43] I think my favorite moment is when the...

[1:27:47] As pointed out by a mutual friend of ours, Bill Hickey, is when the alien inhabited stripper

[1:27:55] falls off of...

[1:27:57] I think she's riddled with bullets and falls off of a rooftop.

[1:28:01] You can very clearly see the crash mat when the stunt double hits...

[1:28:06] Falls off the roof.

[1:28:08] So I totally recommend watching The Hidden.

[1:28:10] And it's very clearly the inspiration for New Line Cinema's Jason Goes to Hell, aka Friday

[1:28:17] the 13th Part 9.

[1:28:19] It is?

[1:28:20] Yeah, because that's totally a rip-off of The Hidden.

[1:28:22] Right.

[1:28:23] Where Jason, as a worm, inhabits people's bodies and goes on killing sprees.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:27] I think it's possible someone had the hidden revamp script and it wasn't getting made, so

[1:28:31] they just turned it into a Jason script.

Stuart Wellington

[1:28:32] There were like a hidden two.

[1:28:33] Because there was a hidden two, wasn't there?

[1:28:35] Two shades of blue.

[1:28:35] Whoa, there's a hidden two?

[1:28:37] I thought so.

[1:28:38] Maybe there was one.

[1:28:38] Let's finish up this podcast.

[1:28:40] Mm-hmm.

[1:28:40] Dial it up.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:43] I was waiting to stretch it out.

[1:28:45] Yeah, yeah, the hidden two.

[1:28:47] Because this is not already the longest podcast we've ever done.

[1:28:50] So what's the next step of this podcast?

Stuart Wellington

[1:28:52] The next step of this podcast is saying goodbye.

[1:28:53] How is we end it?

[1:28:55] Do we make our condolences, our acknowledgements?

[1:28:59] No.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:59] How does Max Fenn end a podcast, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[1:29:02] It just ends it, buddy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:04] Well, let's say it's Shocktober, so it's time once again to close the coffin.

[1:29:09] Slam shut the crypt door.

[1:29:11] No way, they're not dead.

[1:29:14] Close the gates of Flophouse Cemetery.

[1:29:17] Clang.

[1:29:17] Please don't let it.

[1:29:18] And lock them up tight.

[1:29:19] Please don't let it go.

[1:29:21] For spirits, ghouls, goblins, skeletons, creepazoids, pervazoids, schools, pools, moles,

[1:29:29] goals, rolls, and rolled gold pretzels, roam the earth.

[1:29:34] Let's leave them behind for tonight, for who knows when they may reemerge two weeks from now.

[1:29:39] All right.

[1:29:40] Well, the next episode of Shocktober Flophouse.

[1:29:44] Starring me, Dan McCoy.

[1:29:46] Me, Stuart Wellington.

[1:29:49] Special appearance by Elliot Kalin as himself.

[1:29:51] And?

Hallie Haglund

[1:29:52] And long-time host, Hallie Hackman.

[1:29:55] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:55] Wait a minute.

[1:29:57] Good night.

[1:30:02] Scary.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:09] So do you know this Merlin Mann guy?

Dan McCoy

[1:30:12] He's a very popular internet personality.

[1:30:16] He did a podcast called You Look Nice Today.

[1:30:18] Thank you.

[1:30:19] And he does a lot of, um, he does a new podcast that's a more productivity-based thing.

[1:30:24] He was trying to get me to listen to one of his shows.

[1:30:26] Who's this?

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:27] Merlin Mann.

[1:30:28] Merlin Mann.

[1:30:29] I don't know who that is.

[1:30:29] Some kind of, is that like a guy bitten by a wizard?

[1:30:32] Now he has the powers of a wizard as Merlin Mann?

[1:30:35] Half a man, half a Merlin.

[1:30:36] Because Merlin himself was a demon.

[1:30:38] Really?

[1:30:39] Well, some say.

[1:30:40] Is Gandalf a demon?

[1:30:41] No, Gandalf is a wizard.

[1:30:44] Uh, Mithrandir?

[1:30:45] I don't know what that is.

[1:30:46] That's Gandalf.

[1:30:49] Everyone's got 300 names in Lord of the Rings.

[1:30:51] Bilbo Baggins, who was known to the elves as Scrivenor.

[1:30:54] And who the orcs knew as Thorn Dragger.

The Flop House: Episode #162 - The Quiet Ones

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