The Flop House_ Episode #165 - Robocop (2014)

Elliott Kalan

[0:00] On tonight's episode, we watched a movie about a robot cop.

[0:06] Robocop.

[0:08] Two.

[0:09] Are you okay?

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[0:39] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:41] Hey, Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[0:43] I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:45] Hey, Dan and Stuart.

[0:46] I'm Elliot Kalin, and I'm worried about Dan.

Stuart Wellington

[0:49] What's with all the chuckly-chuckles, chuckles?

Dan McCoy

[0:54] Dan, were you in a coma before the episode started?

[0:57] Well, look, let's get this out on the table right from the start.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03] Dan, maybe you should summarize the movie tonight.

[1:05] What do you think it was about?

Dan McCoy

[1:07] It was about a guy who became a robot cop.

[1:10] That's pretty accurate.

[1:11] And then nothing happened for about an hour because I was asleep.

[1:18] That's right.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19] Tonight, Dan found the movie literally snorifying.

Dan McCoy

[1:23] Look, let's be clear about this.

[1:25] I have had a cold for the past five days.

[1:30] And given a choice between watching Robocop and staying awake.

[1:36] Catching up on your sleep, yeah.

[1:37] And falling asleep, my body chose to shut down.

[1:40] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[1:41] Much like Robocop was shut down by his evil masters.

[1:43] Power down.

[1:44] Did you do like a fluid cleanse like Robot Cop did?

[1:49] Wait, Robocop was just...

[1:51] He has a name, Elliot.

Dan McCoy

[1:53] That name is Murphy.

[1:55] He was just juice cleansing the whole time?

[1:57] Look, I was awake long enough to know that the point is that there's a point at which the programming takes over.

[2:04] And the man thinks he's in charge, but he's not anymore.

[2:08] And that was what happened to me tonight.

[2:10] I thought that I was in charge of my body and said, hey, body, stay awake since we can do a podcast.

[2:14] Watch what's happening.

Elliott Kalan

[2:15] And then the sleep center of your brain said, sorry, sleepyhead, we're going to Dreamstown.

Dan McCoy

[2:21] Omnicore.

[2:21] Let me know.

[2:22] One ticket to slumberland for you.

[2:25] I'm issuing it right now.

[2:26] OCP demands that you power down.

[2:30] So this will be a fun journey of surprise.

Elliott Kalan

[2:33] As Dan watches Robocop for the first time all over again.

Dan McCoy

[2:37] Through the eyes of an innocent child named Elliot and Caitlin.

Elliott Kalan

[2:41] From out of the mouths of babes.

[2:43] Yeah.

[2:45] So let's, so just to be clear, the movie we watched tonight was the remake of Robocop.

[2:51] Okay.

[2:51] Which we had all been eagerly awaiting.

[2:53] And Dan fell asleep about 30 minutes in.

Dan McCoy

[2:56] Yeah, and I think I was the one enjoying it the most out of the three of us at the point that I fell asleep.

[3:01] So what's interesting is that.

Elliott Kalan

[3:02] You must have worn yourself out.

[3:03] Yeah.

[3:04] With your cheering and clapping.

[3:06] He was so excited that his body couldn't handle it anymore and it shut down into a hibernation phase.

[3:11] Yeah.

[3:11] But we saw the movie as it was meant to be seen by the filmmakers with a snoring man on a couch next to us.

Dan McCoy

[3:20] Look, I have a tendency to snore.

[3:24] I had surgery to correct a deviated septum because of this.

[3:28] It didn't work.

Elliott Kalan

[3:29] It didn't work.

[3:30] Well, when I'm all stuffed up.

[3:32] When I'm all stuffed up.

[3:33] You overrode your programming.

[3:35] I'm just saying, I wish I could paint a word picture for you of what Dan looked like sleeping, but I don't have to.

[3:40] Check out Stuart's Twitter feed where you will see exactly that.

[3:43] Hold on.

[3:44] I'm just getting alerted to this right now.

Stuart Wellington

[3:46] Similar to Robocops.

[3:48] Keep talking.

[3:49] I'll check this out.

[3:49] We got a scrolling text in our vision stream called Twitter.

[3:53] Oh, God.

Elliott Kalan

[3:55] Twitter is the Robocop on your phone.

Stuart Wellington

[3:58] Let me just look at this.

[3:59] Filled with criminals.

[4:00] Yep.

[4:01] And Murphys.

[4:03] You keep talking.

[4:04] You keep talking.

Stuart Wellington

[4:04] So, the one thing I want to point out before we get into the meat of this Robocop sandwich.

Elliott Kalan

[4:09] Because there's not much meat left.

[4:10] He's mostly robot now.

Stuart Wellington

[4:12] Is we've watched a handful of remakes for the show.

[4:16] Yeah.

[4:16] And this is probably, I don't know about you guys, but of all the remakes we've watched, this is a remake of the movie I've liked the most.

[4:22] You liked the original the most.

[4:23] I like the original Robocop.

[4:25] Like, I have the most, I'm bringing the most baggage into this remake.

[4:30] Oh, it's a fantastic movie.

Elliott Kalan

[4:31] Yeah.

[4:31] I mean, I think all of us have a fondness in our heart for Robocop.

Stuart Wellington

[4:34] Even more than like, we'd watch Total Recall, which I love, but not as much as Robocop.

Elliott Kalan

[4:38] And Total Recall, the original, is like, okay, as far as I'm concerned.

[4:41] But Robocop is a genuinely great, funny action movie.

[4:43] Well, don't undersell the original Total Recall.

Stuart Wellington

[4:45] I mean, it's awesome.

[4:46] It's okay.

[4:47] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[4:48] But look, we're not here to relitigate Total Recall.

[4:51] We're here to talk about Cop of a Bot.

Dan McCoy

[4:54] I gotta say, I look.

[4:54] Cop and a road.

[4:55] I look very peaceful in this photo.

[4:58] Exactly.

[4:59] I'm probably the happiest of the three of us.

[5:00] Yeah, you're a little angel.

Elliott Kalan

[5:01] Yeah.

[5:02] It's so lifelike.

[5:03] I don't know what the mortician did.

[5:05] But you look just like you're sleeping.

Dan McCoy

[5:06] Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.

Elliott Kalan

[5:09] That's what it sounded like.

[5:11] Every time, there was a feather on your mouth.

[5:13] And every time you breathed out and snored the feather with lifting.

[5:15] I kept thinking it was gonna come into my...

[5:17] And then descend down.

[5:19] Yeah.

[5:19] The weird part was when that little circus mouse started whispering ideas into your ear.

Dan McCoy

[5:24] Yeah, it was telling me to kill.

Elliott Kalan

[5:26] Whoa.

Dan McCoy

[5:28] Classic Inception move.

Elliott Kalan

[5:30] Yeah, mice always incepting people to kill.

[5:33] So anyway, Robot Cop.

[5:35] This is a movie we all have not just fondness for the original.

[5:38] I think it's fair to say we all love the original.

[5:40] Sure.

[5:40] Yeah.

[5:40] I certainly do.

[5:42] And so...

[5:43] So we're not gonna be able to separate it.

[5:44] No, we were going into this...

[5:45] We're only humans.

[5:47] With a big strike against this movie.

Stuart Wellington

[5:48] Not a bit of us are robots.

[5:50] Well, as far as we know.

[5:51] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[5:52] Bring an Omicor employee in here.

[5:53] See if I can shoot him or not.

[5:54] Do a scanner.

[5:56] Yep.

[5:56] Just scan him up, scan him down, scan him all around.

[5:59] Everybody's scanning these days.

[6:01] Scanning USA.

[6:03] If everybody had a scanner in like a visor thing that came down on their head when they were

[6:10] shooting creeps, we'd all be Robo Cops doing Robo stuff.

Stuart Wellington

[6:18] How long is this song?

Elliott Kalan

[6:19] Fighting crime, crime, crime till her daddy takes her T-Bird away.

[6:22] Wow.

[6:23] Take a real turn.

[6:24] Oh, wow.

[6:25] That was the twist ending.

[6:26] Was there Daddy the Robo Cops?

[6:27] It was a different song the whole time.

[6:29] It's like an M. Night Shyamalan song.

[6:32] He should do that.

[6:32] M. Night Shyamalan should do an album of cover songs where the song in the last verse, it's

[6:36] revealed it's a different song.

[6:38] I like it.

[6:40] It's weird.

[6:41] Would it be a whole concept album?

[6:43] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[6:44] The concept album is M. Night Shyamalan twist songs.

[6:47] But the song The Twist turns out to be like, what?

[6:52] What?

[6:52] Land of the Handjive?

[6:53] Born to Handjive?

[6:54] Turns into a different dance song.

[6:55] Born to Handjive?

[6:55] Yeah, Born to Handjive.

[6:57] The Land of the Handjive?

Dan McCoy

[6:58] About a lady who was the best handjob in town.

[7:01] I think that song's by Too Short.

[7:03] Softest Hands.

Elliott Kalan

[7:04] It's called a Handjobologist.

Dan McCoy

[7:07] Anyway, that song's by Weird L. Kalonkovich.

Elliott Kalan

[7:12] Okay, works.

[7:13] Anyway, RoboCop.

[7:13] Is that what we're talking about?

[7:15] The movie Dan Slept Through?

[7:16] We're trying to, yeah.

[7:17] Sleepy Cop over here keeps his word to me.

[7:19] Roasted.

[7:21] RoboSnore over here.

[7:23] What's your name, son?

[7:26] It's the last couple lines of RoboSleep.

[7:30] Murphy Bed.

[7:32] Half man, half machine, all sleepy.

Dan McCoy

[7:35] He hides in the wall until you need him.

[7:38] Murphy Bed.

Elliott Kalan

[7:42] Nice swinging out of the wall when I needed to go to bed, son.

[7:46] What's your name?

[7:46] Murphy Bed.

[7:49] So, RoboCop.

[7:50] It's late.

[7:51] We're tired.

[7:51] Let's talk about the movie.

[7:52] So, it's the future.

Stuart Wellington

[7:54] Smash Cup.

[7:54] I mean, I feel arrested and alert.

[7:57] Yep.

[7:58] Close up on Samuel L. Jackson's back head.

Elliott Kalan

[8:01] We start with Samuel L. Jackson playing a Bill O'Reilly character, hosting a loudmouth political talk show, because it's the future.

[8:09] And in the future, even black men can be curmudgeonly old white men.

[8:13] Yep.

[8:13] So, Samuel L. Jackson plays a character named Pat Novak.

[8:19] It's just like.

[8:20] Something like Pat Sajak.

[8:21] It's like Pat.

[8:22] They were like, we want to do a.

[8:24] It was like the character was originally named like Phil O'Reilly.

[8:27] And they're like, you know what?

[8:28] That's a little too on the nose.

[8:29] We'll call him Pat Novak instead.

[8:31] Patio shenanigans.

[8:34] Patio shenanigans.

[8:40] Like, I don't know what.

[8:44] They're basically normal shenanigans just outside.

[8:47] Yeah.

[8:47] A fight with lawn darts.

[8:48] Yeah.

[8:49] I mean, that's not shenanigans.

[8:51] That's violent.

[8:52] That could hurt you.

Stuart Wellington

[8:53] So, if I got taken to jail, I wouldn't get booked for shenanigans?

Elliott Kalan

[8:57] You wouldn't be found with Tomfoolery One.

[9:00] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[9:00] Stuart, I don't know how to tell you this, but shenanigans isn't a legal definition.

[9:04] Designation.

[9:05] It's not felony misdemeanor and then shenanigans.

Elliott Kalan

[9:09] You've been found guilty of tomfoolery in the first degree.

[9:13] Just goofing.

[9:15] Can I plea bargain down to a lesser charge of just goofing?

[9:19] I'll allow it.

[9:20] Squeak, squeak.

[9:21] The judge has a squeaky mallet because he's a clown.

[9:25] The Honorable Judge Clown presiding.

[9:27] Okay.

[9:28] That's pretty on the nose.

[9:30] Giant clown nose.

[9:31] On the rubber nose.

[9:33] Robocop.

[9:34] Anyway, so Robocop.

[9:35] It's the future.

[9:36] Bill O'Reilly.

[9:37] Robocop.

[9:38] Samuel Jackson is a Bill O'Reilly type host and he's talking about how America is full of crime.

[9:42] Do we ever see this in the movie?

[9:43] Not really.

[9:44] No.

[9:45] But America is full of crime because while we're allowed to use robots overseas for our military fighting, we're not allowed to use them at home because of this stupid amendment that some dumb senator put through.

[9:56] Probably a liberal.

[9:57] He's got a Kiwi Herman sword.

[9:58] Yeah.

[9:59] He's got a bow tie.

[10:00] And they take us to Tehran where I guess America has invaded Iran in the time between now and the Robocop time where a bunch of Ed 209s and a bunch of C-3PO's with guns under the command of Jackie Earl Haley wearing like an exosuit.

[10:16] Yep.

[10:17] Get into a fight with a bunch of terrorist bombers and end up killing a kid holding a knife.

[10:23] And this is taken as a huge success by Samuel Jackson like, hey, everything worked out okay.

[10:28] We got to bring more of these robots over here and we need to bring over more products of our – the big American hero, Omnicore CEO, Raymond Sellers, played by Michael Keaton.

[10:38] And his top scientist, Dr. Dennett Norton, played by Gary Oldman, in the fakest name in a movie since Dex Dogtective.

[10:46] But the satirical –

[10:48] Since Dennett, as far as I know, is not a name.

[10:50] Since Cam Gaganja.

[10:51] And that's his real name.

Dan McCoy

[10:53] The satirical point of the movie, such as it is, has been made at this point.

Elliott Kalan

[10:57] Yes.

[10:58] All the satire is basically packed into the first ten minutes and then it gets recycled over and over again throughout the film.

[11:04] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[11:05] Like the chorus of a beautiful song.

[11:06] And you had pointed out early on that it felt more on the nose because unlike – compared to the original Robocop.

[11:15] Because that movie uses – in addition, it's very obvious but it's also funnier.

Elliott Kalan

[11:21] Like the satire in the original Robocop is sledgehammer satire.

[11:24] It is not subtle.

[11:25] It's not elegant.

[11:26] But the jokes are really funny.

[11:28] And like the fake commercials are really funny.

[11:30] Everything is like over the top in a really funny way.

[11:34] Whereas here it's satirical but it's not funny.

[11:36] Like in the whole Samuel L. Jackson thing, there's no actual jokes.

[11:40] He's just doing this kind of like slightly exaggerated impression of that type of person.

[11:45] But there's no jokes or funny lines or anything like that.

[11:48] It's like a little bit like certain scenes in Dr. Strangelove where you're like, I'm watching a satire but there's like nothing funny in the scene I'm watching right now.

[11:57] Yeah, it's like Sports Night.

[11:57] Sports Night.

[11:58] Except not as good as Dr. Strangelove.

[11:59] Yeah, Sports Night is a sitcom with no jokes.

[12:02] It's not a satire.

[12:04] It's not a satire of sports?

[12:05] I don't think so.

[12:06] And what's interesting about this movie, you mentioned we've seen a lot of remakes.

[12:09] This movie includes a couple different Flophouse alums.

[12:12] Gary Oldman, who was in a couple other ones.

[12:14] He's in like five movies we've watched, right?

[12:16] Abby Cornish, which I think this was the third movie she was in we'd seen.

[12:20] And not having been in a previous movie we watched, I think was Jennifer Ely, who I'll just say, let me just bring it out here, I've seen on stage.

Dan McCoy

[12:27] So anyway, the play was Coast of Utopia.

[12:30] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[12:30] And she was nude on stage in it.

[12:32] All right, well, I'm listening.

[12:33] And she was really good.

[12:36] So anyway, Tom Stoppard's Coast of Utopia, I saw it.

[12:39] Live on stage, Jennifer Ely was in it.

[12:41] No clothes.

[12:42] Back to Robocop.

Dan McCoy

[12:43] She was in, what, that Zero Dark Thirty, right?

[12:48] That was what, she was like the pal in that?

[12:50] She was the friend in that, I think, yeah.

[12:51] She's the buddy?

[12:51] She's really good in that movie.

[12:52] Who gets blowed up.

[12:53] And then she got blowed up real good.

[12:55] Yeah, but of course she'll-

[12:55] By Robocop?

[12:56] Yeah, yeah, by Robocop 30.

Elliott Kalan

[12:59] I haven't seen it, so I don't know.

[13:01] Yeah, we'll get, this sequel's gonna be a Robocop Zero Dark Thirty crossover.

[13:05] Oh, okay.

[13:06] It's called Robocop 30.

[13:07] Oh, okay.

[13:08] Can Robocop's turning 30.

[13:10] Ah, his 20s are over, what's he gonna do?

[13:14] Robocop, and it's called This Is Robocop 30.

[13:17] Yeah.

[13:17] And it's a Judd Apatow, Catherine Bigelow, Paul Verhoeven joint.

[13:20] So it's like five hours long.

[13:21] It's five hours long.

[13:22] It's mostly improvised.

[13:23] Okay.

[13:23] And it's about, ah, he's turning 30, and all he has to show for it is that he's insanely

[13:28] wealthy and has a big house, and a beautiful wife-slash-girlfriend.

[13:31] Ah, what's a Robocop to do?

[13:33] Okay.

[13:34] So it's mainly him bullshitting with a bunch of other comedic actors.

Dan McCoy

[13:36] That doesn't mean that you're happy.

Elliott Kalan

[13:38] No, that's, well, in my case it does.

Dan McCoy

[13:40] All right.

[13:40] Well, yeah.

[13:41] That's true.

Elliott Kalan

[13:42] But anyway.

[13:44] So Omnicore says, hey, legally we can't bring robots to the streets in the United States.

[13:49] We have to make some kind of mechanized human, and then we'll get around through this legal

[13:54] loophole.

[13:55] But we need the perfect candidate for the prototype.

[13:57] Enter Detroit police detective Alex Murphy and his partner, Omar, from The Wire.

[14:02] Okay.

[14:03] So Omar gets to be the Robocop?

[14:05] No.

[14:06] Although that would have been awesome.

Dan McCoy

[14:07] He's the charismatic one, so it seems like he would be the choice.

Elliott Kalan

[14:10] Yeah, but they went for the actor who is robotic even before he turns into a robot.

[14:14] He's taller and skinnier.

[14:16] He's taller and skinnier and whiter.

[14:18] Yeah.

[14:18] And he lacks the charisma of Peter Weller.

[14:21] So let's just let that sink in.

[14:23] Shut your mouth, sir.

[14:25] He could have played Vision, Elliot.

[14:28] Buckaroo Bonsai.

[14:30] Let me just tell you, the least charismatic character in Buckaroo Bonsai is Buckaroo Bonsai.

Dan McCoy

[14:34] Peter Weller is a delight.

[14:35] He's a thing of beauty and a joy forever.

[14:37] You know who should have been the hero of that movie?

[14:38] Jeff Goldblum.

[14:39] I rest my case.

[14:41] Well, anyway, but the point is.

Elliott Kalan

[14:42] There's really no reason Jeff Goldblum couldn't have played Buckaroo Bonsai when it comes down

[14:45] to it.

[14:46] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[14:47] Well, but.

[14:48] I mean, other than contracts and stuff.

[14:50] He has piercing eyes that Peter Weller has.

Elliott Kalan

[14:53] I'm just saying I don't buy him as an astrophysicist, brain surgeon, rock star.

[14:57] But you would have bought Jeff Goldblum?

[14:59] But you would throw Jeffrey Goldblum in there.

[15:01] And yeah, I do.

[15:01] I bought him as a fly man and as a mathematician who knows things about dinosaurs.

[15:05] Why wouldn't I buy him as this?

Stuart Wellington

[15:07] Didn't he also download a virus onto an alien starship in a movie?

[15:10] He did.

[15:11] That movie, The Big Chill.

Elliott Kalan

[15:12] Anyway, moving on.

Dan McCoy

[15:13] This new robot cop, though, is played by Joel Kinneman, who people might remember from

[15:18] the terrible The Killing television show.

[15:21] Oh, I haven't seen that.

[15:22] Oh, okay.

[15:22] People also have a partner.

Stuart Wellington

[15:23] I thought you might remember him from the vast cinnamon fortune that he's heir to.

[15:27] Yeah.

[15:27] I said Kinneman.

[15:28] It's actually pronounced Kinneman.

Elliott Kalan

[15:29] Yeah.

[15:30] Every time you say like a cinnamon bun, it's like a Kinneman bun.

Stuart Wellington

[15:33] Every time you go into your patisserie and you order the Kinneman bun.

[15:36] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[15:36] And he's, of course, the son of famous stand-up comedian, Sam Kinneman.

[15:43] I'm glad you turned that down.

[15:45] Yeah, come on.

[15:45] I can't just scream right into the mic.

Dan McCoy

[15:46] I bark that's been shaved into a latte.

[15:50] Ah!

[15:51] That's his famous joke.

[15:54] Say what cinnamon is.

[15:56] Kinneman.

[15:56] I'm sorry.

[15:58] Sam cinnamon.

[15:59] Sam cinnamon.

[16:00] I'm a stick or something.

[16:00] Play it again, Sam cinnamon.

Elliott Kalan

[16:01] I'm a stick that grows somewhere.

[16:06] I don't really know the details.

Stuart Wellington

[16:08] Sam cinnamon would have been a perfect food fight character.

Elliott Kalan

[16:12] What the fuck?

[16:14] Or the food fight line of action figures.

[16:17] Or even a garbage pail kid.

[16:19] Sure.

[16:20] Come on, Art Spiegelman, where were you on this?

[16:22] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[16:23] I'm going to listen to this podcast later on.

[16:25] It's just going to be a fever dream.

Elliott Kalan

[16:26] Yeah, it is as we're living it.

[16:28] So anyway, cinnamon, it's good when there's a little bit,

[16:31] but too much and doesn't taste good.

[16:33] Moving on.

[16:34] So it's similar to the original RoboCop.

[16:37] These two, except a little different in that instead of these cops being on the trail of Clarence Bedecker,

[16:43] the...

[16:43] Yeah, Kerwood Smith.

[16:45] Kerwood Smith's classic villain.

[16:47] They're on the track of two corrupt cops working for Antoine Valan, an arms dealer of some kind.

Stuart Wellington

[16:54] Like a slightly handsomer Brad Dourif meets Eric Stoltz.

Elliott Kalan

[16:58] Yeah, he looks like a Brad Stoltz riff, but it's not.

[17:01] It's a different guy.

[17:02] It's an actor who's not related to either one of them.

Stuart Wellington

[17:03] Like if Brad Dourif had never shaved his eyebrows off so they never grew to be horrible monster worms.

[17:12] Monster worms.

[17:13] Yeah, like that caterpillar from Labyrinth that tells her to go the one way and she doesn't go.

Elliott Kalan

[17:16] You know that story, Lair of the White Worm, that's about Brad Dourif's eyebrows?

[17:20] Wow.

[17:21] And that tremors?

[17:23] That was about...

[17:24] His eyebrows are tremors.

[17:26] They're like furry...

[17:27] You ever see the never-ending story?

[17:29] You know the luck dragon?

[17:30] Yeah, Falcor.

[17:30] Falcor?

[17:31] That was one of Brad Dourif's eyebrows.

[17:33] Yeah, sure.

[17:33] It took a side job.

[17:35] Falco.

[17:35] You wrote that song?

[17:36] Yeah, when Falcor had that hit.

[17:38] Auster is Falco.

[17:39] Yeah.

[17:40] Rock me, I'm a trey you.

[17:43] Boom.

[17:44] Finally, the Falco never-ending story pun the world is asking for.

[17:48] So we're about 15 minutes into the movie.

[17:50] There's a very...

[17:51] I'm still awake at this point.

[17:52] There's a very...

[17:53] Don't worry, guys.

[17:53] There's a very boring...

[17:55] Dan will tell you when we get into the There Be Dragons section of the movie for him where he doesn't know what it is.

[18:00] There's a very boring shootout between Murphy and his partner and two other cops.

[18:06] Or two other just bad guys.

[18:08] Because they're undercover, I guess.

[18:09] They're undercover as possible gun buyers.

[18:11] And they set up a buy, but they get caught out.

[18:15] And Omar is shot and sent to the hospital.

[18:19] Murphy is okay.

[18:20] Until he goes to his house.

Dan McCoy

[18:21] The nurse is like, Omar coming.

[18:25] On the gurney.

[18:29] The doctor's like, that doesn't help me.

Elliott Kalan

[18:32] I asked you for a sponge and a spreader.

[18:37] Why are you whistling the farmer in the Dell?

[18:41] Yeah.

[18:42] Anyway.

[18:43] And the nurse is like, did you not watch The Wire?

[18:46] You've got to watch it.

[18:47] And the doctor's like, I'm tired of people telling me I've got to watch The Wire.

[18:50] Bring me that sponge and spreader.

[18:51] I'm a busy doctor.

Stuart Wellington

[18:51] I need to clean off this plate and then spread apple butter all over a piece of bread.

[18:57] Do you call a knife a spreader, doctor?

Elliott Kalan

[18:59] Yeah, when you're spreading things with it.

[19:01] Anyway, stop telling me about The Wire.

[19:04] Wow.

[19:05] You're racing through the cans tonight, Stuart.

[19:08] Anyway.

[19:09] Murphy goes home to his wife and child.

[19:11] Always a mistake in these movies because it means you're about to die.

[19:14] Maybe make out a little bit, but do not take her top completely off.

[19:18] His wife takes off her shirt in preparation for sex, but his car alarm goes off.

[19:23] When he goes out to turn it off, uh-oh, car blows up.

[19:26] Car bomb.

[19:27] He is almost killed, but it turns out he's the perfect candidate for the RoboCup initiative.

Stuart Wellington

[19:32] I do have to say the scene of him being exploded by his car is shot very matter-of-factly.

[19:39] Instead of doing any slow motion or any other kind of camera tricks, the camera pulls back

[19:45] and you just see him open the door for a second, then the car blows up and he flies into the

[19:49] background.

Elliott Kalan

[19:49] It is almost hilariously deadpan the way it's done.

Stuart Wellington

[19:53] It's like, uh, it's almost like a, like a, uh, a European or a Japanese movie in that

[19:58] they chose not to move the camera at all.

[20:00] In a movie that moves the camera all the time.

[20:03] Constantly.

[20:03] I mean, the way it's paced is like something out of a Steve Oda Kirk movie.

Elliott Kalan

[20:07] You expect like a thumb with a face on it just talking about RoboCup.

[20:11] Anyway, uh, they start turning him into a RoboCup.

[20:15] He doesn't like it.

[20:16] He is aware through the whole process.

[20:19] Aware what?

[20:20] Aware cop.

[20:21] He's, during the full moon, he turns into a cop.

[20:24] Uh, he is, he's like, what are you doing to me?

[20:26] Ah.

[20:27] And so over time.

[20:28] Stop touching there.

[20:30] Over, yeah, kind of.

[20:31] Over, over time to make him less afraid and anxious as a human and a better RoboCup, they

[20:39] start taking away his brain and making it more computery.

[20:42] So he's already just a head and lungs and a hand.

[20:45] And now they're breaking down his brain and making him more computer program.

[20:49] In a genuinely creepy and cool scene.

[20:51] There's a part where he says, take this stuff off of me.

[20:53] And Gary Oldman's like, all right.

[20:56] And they remove all the robot parts and he's just a head and lungs and a hand.

[21:00] And it is.

[21:00] And exposed brain.

[21:01] Yeah.

[21:01] And it's a, that's a genuinely like frightening and grotesque and interesting image.

[21:06] Yeah.

[21:06] There's a couple, like, let me get this straight about this movie.

[21:09] I didn't like it very much.

[21:10] But it has some neat ideas in it and neat moments.

[21:12] There's a shootout scene later that's almost entirely lit by just muzzle flare while RoboCup

[21:19] is running through a room and you just see the red of his visor slit and this muzzle flare

[21:23] lighting people up and occasionally night vision goggle visions of what's going on.

[21:26] And that would have been a really neat way to do that scene.

[21:29] Like, that, but.

[21:30] I mean, it wasn't paced particularly well.

[21:32] No, it was not an exciting scene.

[21:33] Like, none of the action scenes in this are.

[21:35] It's a nice idea.

[21:36] I'll say the only exciting action scene is this is later in the, when he starts fighting

[21:39] ED-209s.

[21:41] Yeah.

[21:41] And that's more just because there's almost no way to make a man versus giant robots not

[21:45] exciting.

[21:46] Exactly.

[21:47] Oh, man.

[21:47] I missed that.

[21:48] The only way is Magnus Robot Fighter the comic book never exciting.

[21:52] Oh, wow.

[21:52] Burn.

[21:53] Actually, that's not true.

[21:53] It had some points on that.

[21:54] Burn Fred Van Lente.

Dan McCoy

[21:56] No, the old ones I'm saying.

[21:58] The old Gold Key comics.

[21:59] I want to point something out here, though.

[22:00] This is a significant deviation from the original RoboCop.

[22:05] Sure.

[22:05] Where RoboCop doesn't know that he's Murphy because his memories have been, they try to

[22:11] erase his memories.

Elliott Kalan

[22:12] There's that great sequence where they keep bringing him to life to check him and you just

[22:16] see it through his point of view and then putting him back to sleep.

[22:19] And by the time they ring him out, he's more robot than man.

[22:21] Yeah.

[22:22] He doesn't know who he was.

[22:23] But, hey, let's not play the game of In the Old RoboCop.

[22:28] No, I'm just trying to fill two episodes.

Dan McCoy

[22:30] I'm doing like an essay for eighth grade RoboCop class.

Stuart Wellington

[22:33] Well, it's similar to the idea of like RoboCop studies.

[22:36] Well, it's similar to the idea that this movie begins, whereas the other movie begins like

[22:41] upping the stakes, showing how like horribly violent it can be, making you totally scared

[22:47] of those criminals.

[22:48] Yeah.

[22:49] And totally scared of Ed 209 when it totally rips that dude up with its machine gun bursts.

[22:54] Oh, man.

[22:54] Defining moment of my childhood when I saw that.

[22:56] But this movie does not have any of that.

Elliott Kalan

[22:59] No.

[22:59] This movie, it's like they tell you at the beginning, there's too much crime.

[23:03] But they never really show you a city on the edge or a city with too much crime.

[23:07] It just kind of looks like a regular city.

[23:08] They show you a cop on the edge.

Stuart Wellington

[23:10] There's like, there's two, spoiler alert, three cops.

[23:13] Madness.

Elliott Kalan

[23:14] There's three bad cops in the Detroit Police Department.

[23:18] Otherwise, it seems like a normal city.

[23:20] But here's the thing.

[23:21] RoboCop, after he's been de-emotionalized and computered up to the point where he doesn't

[23:26] even recognize his own wife and child anymore.

[23:28] He's unveiled to the public and he is an instant hit.

[23:31] And crime drops like a billion zillion percent as he just goes on the run.

[23:35] Because the public doesn't like personality, you know?

[23:38] There's a reason that Mickey Mouse is worth a billion dollars more than Bugs Bunny, let

[23:41] me tell you.

[23:43] Anyway.

[23:46] Sobering.

[23:47] But over time, Murphy begins to realize that something's up.

[23:50] He realizes that his wife, when she confronts him, that her emotions are anxious and unhappy

[23:55] and that his son is also showing anxiety.

[23:58] And he decides he's going to solve his last unsolved case.

[24:03] His own murder.

[24:04] What?

[24:05] He's a regular Boston brand dead man.

[24:08] Solving the case of his own killing.

Stuart Wellington

[24:10] Although, oops, sorry about that.

[24:13] I do like the sequence where Robot Murphy is trying to identify.

Elliott Kalan

[24:17] How much better would this movie even call it the title is Robot Murphy?

[24:21] Robot Murphy sounds like a sitcom about a lovable garbage man who's a robot.

Dan McCoy

[24:25] Sir, I think we can come up with a better name than Robot Murphy.

[24:28] I mean, the guy's a police officer.

[24:30] That seems like it's more important.

Elliott Kalan

[24:32] No, no, no, no.

[24:33] What's the name of the main character?

[24:35] Murphy.

[24:36] And I quote Shakespeare, what's in a name?

[24:39] Actually, sir, with that to deny that a name is important.

Dan McCoy

[24:42] Da, da, da, da, da.

Elliott Kalan

[24:45] Okay.

[24:46] Robot Murphy.

[24:48] So Robot Murphy.

[24:49] I'm not sold on the whole cop idea either.

[24:51] What about like a robot fish tank salesman?

[24:54] Like he works at a fish store.

[24:56] Eh?

[24:57] Hmm?

[24:57] And here's the catch.

[24:58] The irony is that.

[24:59] The band fish doesn't care for him.

Dan McCoy

[25:01] What's the irony?

[25:02] The irony is that water normally is a robot's worst enemy.

[25:05] Now we're making a movie.

[25:07] Exactly, see?

Stuart Wellington

[25:08] The irony is his body's made of iron.

[25:10] Every.

[25:11] So he's super irony.

Elliott Kalan

[25:15] So every time he gestures towards a fish tank to sell it to a customer, you're like, uh-oh,

[25:20] is this the end of Robot Murphy?

Stuart Wellington

[25:23] Oh, good movie.

[25:24] Anyway.

[25:25] Oh, no.

[25:25] So what I was saying is I like the way that RoboCop is trying to come to terms with his,

[25:32] like, the alienation of his wife and his son, like, by being a robot.

[25:36] The way a robot would, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[25:38] He has to read in his programming that they're upset, you know?

[25:41] And there's, and like, that's another thing that works kind of well until he starts investigating

[25:47] his own murder.

[25:48] Yes, which is terrible.

[25:49] He goes to his house and he watches the video footage because there's, part of the concept

[25:53] is that there's closed circuit TV cameras everywhere.

[25:56] He has four around his own house.

[25:58] So his murder has been captured from four angles and he keeps watching it, but he never

[26:02] rewinds the tape to see who put a bomb in his car, which would seem to be police work

[26:07] 101.

[26:08] And Stuart, you were saying, like, he should rewind back and it should turn out like the

[26:12] tape was deleted for some reason.

[26:14] And only a cop can do that or something.

[26:16] Because the arms dealer he's after is selling guns that were stolen from the police evidence

[26:21] locker.

[26:22] They shouldn't be on the streets.

[26:23] They shouldn't be in criminals' hands.

[26:25] He manages to...

Stuart Wellington

[26:26] But instead he uses the footage from these closed circuit cameras to create like a virtual

[26:32] 3D world that he, in his brain, can wander around and analyze everything.

[26:36] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[26:37] Which is totally, it's totally stupid.

Stuart Wellington

[26:39] It's kind of like in Rocky Balboa.

[26:40] Rocky's just walking through his memories.

Dan McCoy

[26:42] You guys can make up any bullshit right now.

Elliott Kalan

[26:44] You can.

[26:45] Well, then there's the part where RoboCop, he walks into that lesbian sex show.

[26:50] What?

[26:50] And there's just the two girls who are doing it, but then three more girls come in and

[26:54] do it?

[26:55] Yep.

[26:56] And then Dabney...

[26:56] What was Dan, what was that actress you really like a lot?

[27:00] That you have a big crush on who said she wouldn't do nude scenes?

[27:02] Yeah, that one.

[27:03] Yeah, she's in it.

[27:04] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[27:05] And she is sitting on the lap of Dabney Coldman.

[27:09] Wait, why?

Elliott Kalan

[27:10] Wait, is that a snowman who started in Drexel's class?

Stuart Wellington

[27:16] He was a lower end Spider-Man villain.

Elliott Kalan

[27:20] Dabney Coldman.

[27:21] Why would it make the scene hotter for Dan if Dabney Coleman is there?

[27:25] He's got a mustache.

[27:27] He's semi-famous.

[27:29] I mean, he is famous.

[27:30] Yeah.

[27:31] He was in War Games.

Stuart Wellington

[27:32] He was in Cloak and Dagger.

[27:33] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[27:33] Yeah.

[27:33] Does it get more famous than that?

[27:36] Can I recommend Cloak and Dagger?

[27:37] Shorter.

[27:37] There's no law against it.

[27:39] Short time.

[27:41] What else did they do that Dan would have liked?

[27:44] Did I mention that Talking Heads reunited in the movie?

[27:47] No.

[27:48] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[27:48] Yeah.

[27:48] David Byrne said that would never happen.

Elliott Kalan

[27:51] No, Robocop made them bury the hatchet.

[27:53] Oh, no.

[27:53] Yeah.

[27:54] And then LCD Sound System was there.

[27:57] Oh.

[27:58] And what's another band you like?

[28:00] Are these things you care about?

[28:00] Torch.

[28:01] Yeah, sure.

[28:02] To a new generation of robot art rock?

[28:05] Yeah.

[28:05] Anyway, so he's investigating his own murder.

[28:09] He tracks down the guns to the arms dealer, kills him.

[28:13] He tracks those guns.

[28:14] After doing a little bit of old-fashioned police work.

[28:16] Yeah, it's a lot of leather shoe, gumshoeing.

Stuart Wellington

[28:18] It's really weird that in where they try to paint the picture of a futuristic society that's

[28:23] under constant observation, and yet Robocop has to fall back on old-school methods to

[28:29] track down this one dude.

[28:31] And yet they never take it all the way to RoboColumbo.

Elliott Kalan

[28:35] One more thing, man.

[28:37] One more thing, Valadin.

[28:38] Yeah, that makes sense.

[28:40] That makes sense, beep boop.

[28:41] One more thing, citizen.

[28:42] One more question.

[28:43] One more thing, creep.

Stuart Wellington

[28:46] So it looks like your penis got shot off.

Dan McCoy

[28:52] Because it's the specific creep from the original Robocop.

[28:56] He's questioning him about the shooting that he just did.

Elliott Kalan

[28:58] Yeah.

[28:59] You shot me because I was trying to rape that woman.

[29:01] Oh, that makes sense.

[29:02] That makes a lot of sense.

[29:03] But one more question.

[29:05] How did I shoot you so well that I shot through her dress without hurting her and shot you

[29:10] You're a robot, sir.

[29:11] That makes sense.

[29:12] That makes sense, beep boop.

Dan McCoy

[29:15] Terrible detective.

Elliott Kalan

[29:17] So it's ironically, becoming a robot made him a worse detective.

Dan McCoy

[29:21] Great shot.

Elliott Kalan

[29:23] That's the tagline.

[29:25] You've got the tagline for Robot Murphy.

[29:29] Great shot.

Dan McCoy

[29:30] Anyway.

[29:31] He's just a Robot Murphy bed salesman.

Elliott Kalan

[29:33] Wait, so he's a robot or the Murphy beds are robots?

[29:37] No, he's a robot.

[29:38] He's just selling regular Murphy beds.

[29:40] He's selling his brothers into enslavement.

[29:43] For organics.

Dan McCoy

[29:44] Oh, terrible.

[29:45] We'll behave.

[29:46] We'll behave.

[29:47] No, you won't.

Elliott Kalan

[29:47] For the comfort of meat bags.

Dan McCoy

[29:49] I'm cursing you to spend half the time on the wall and half the time being laid on by...

[29:55] I can't believe you sold me out to these flesh puppets.

[29:58] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[29:59] Anyway.

[30:00] I'll snore on top of them.

[30:02] Sleepy Dan.

[30:03] Sleepy, Sleepy Dan.

[30:05] Anyway.

[30:07] Also your favorite musical duo.

[30:09] Sleepy Dan.

[30:10] Sure.

[30:10] Donald Fagan's great in that.

[30:12] Or Dan-old Fagan.

[30:13] Or Fagan from Oliver Twist.

[30:16] So anyway, he tracks these guns down to the corrupt cops.

[30:21] He takes them down.

[30:22] He's about to take down the chief of police.

[30:25] But he is shut down by the Omnicore people.

[30:27] Uh-oh.

[30:28] Specifically by Jackie Earl Haley as the military connection for Omnicore.

[30:35] Who earlier was...

[30:36] We skipped over it.

[30:37] He was training Robocop and taunting him a lot.

[30:39] He wears that exoskeleton.

Stuart Wellington

[30:41] Being a real Freddy Krueger, bitch.

Elliott Kalan

[30:44] He's a real bad news bear.

[30:47] He's a real pedophile from Little Children.

[30:49] He's a real Rorschach.

[30:51] He's a real...

[30:52] Come on, Dan.

[30:53] More Jack than we go.

Dan McCoy

[30:53] The real...

[30:54] The other guy from Hard Target.

[30:56] That's not Shea McBride.

[30:59] Wait, what?

[31:00] He was on that TV show.

Stuart Wellington

[31:02] Oh, not the movie Hard Target with Wilford Brimley?

[31:05] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[31:06] I wish Wilford Brimley had been the action hero star of Hard Target.

[31:11] I mean, he's on...

[31:12] Isn't he riding that horse in the explosion?

[31:13] He pulls his head back and that blade passes by it and snips off part of his mustache.

Stuart Wellington

[31:19] I mean, he taught Chance Boudreau all Chance Boudreau knows.

[31:23] Yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[31:24] Anyway, is that Gambit's real name?

[31:26] No, that's Jean-Claude Van Damme in Hard Target.

[31:29] That's his actual name.

[31:30] I thought Jean-Claude Van Damme was Gambit.

[31:33] According to Wizard Magazine, circa 1995.

[31:36] Anyway, let's keep going.

[31:39] Meanwhile, I'm starting to think that I slept through this thing.

[31:45] They shut him down and then they want to eliminate him or something.

[31:48] The company decides if he starts going after corrupt politicians, Robocop that is, he's going to reach all the corrupt politicians that we've had dealings with.

[31:55] Because I guess Robocop is going to go nationwide and just become America's top Robocop.

[32:00] So they say, we're going to shut him down for good.

[32:03] We're going to present it as a hero died trying to take down corruption.

[32:08] People are going to love it.

[32:09] They'll give us more money to put more Robocops in more towns.

[32:12] Omnicore wins.

[32:13] Hooray, hooray.

[32:15] But Gary Oldman, who throughout the movie, let's just say, Stuart and I really liked this character for most of it.

[32:22] Because Gary Oldman was not outwardly evil the way that Michael Keaton's character is as the head of Omnicore.

[32:27] And he's not a do-gooder noble guy because he is slowly selling out his principles as he works on dehumanizing Robocop.

[32:36] He starts out wanting to help people who have lost limbs regain their abilities.

[32:42] He's given this opportunity to rebuild a whole man who would have died.

[32:45] And now over time, in order to appease his bosses who are paying the money, he has to be kind of like...

Dan McCoy

[32:51] So you're saying that he's becoming less human.

Elliott Kalan

[32:54] He's becoming les human.

[32:56] Accountant to the stars, lesser human.

[32:58] It's a shit job.

Dan McCoy

[33:02] His journey parallels the roboticness.

Elliott Kalan

[33:05] If this was a better movie, I would have said that.

[33:07] Because, unfortunately, Gary Oldman, who has had this kind of complex moral shading,

[33:12] now just becomes a hero.

[33:13] And he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, we gotta save from a Robocop!

Stuart Wellington

[33:16] His performance deserves so much more credit since the person he acts opposite is Joel Cinnamon,

[33:23] or whatever his fucking name is, who is not but a robot.

[33:26] Joel Cinnamon, gay porn star.

Elliott Kalan

[33:31] But yeah, Gary Oldman isn't given a lot to work with here, but he does good stuff with it.

[33:35] But at this point, he decides we gotta save Robocop.

[33:39] They bring Robocop back to life, and Robocop goes on a rampage at the Omnicore headquarters.

[33:45] He fights a bunch of ED-209s in a pretty cool fight scene,

[33:49] where he's standing underneath one ED-209 while another's trying to shoot him.

[33:54] And on ED-209's display, it says, trying to get a clear shot.

[33:58] As if that ED-209 is like, I don't want to kill another one of me.

[34:02] That would be a friendly fire casualty.

[34:04] But then he just does anyway.

[34:06] Omar, who's back to good health, saves Robocop by showing up and standing in front of him.

[34:11] Yeah, he ate enough fucking turkey legs or whatever.

[34:13] With no guns in his hands.

[34:14] Because ED-209 can't shoot someone who's unarmed.

[34:17] Ah.

[34:19] So in this case.

Dan McCoy

[34:20] Just like in the original.

[34:21] No.

[34:22] No, in the original.

[34:22] It's quite the opposite, my friend.

Elliott Kalan

[34:27] Robocop gets up to, Robocop's wife and son are for some reason in the Omnicore headquarters.

[34:32] Like, Michael Keaton is going to kidnap him or something, I don't know.

[34:35] And he reaches him up to the top of the building where Michael Keaton's going to helicopter away to freedom.

[34:42] Case closed, I guess.

[34:43] It's a real end of Die Hard type moment.

[34:46] And Robocop tries to shoot him and Jackie Earl Haley, but uh-oh, they're red assets.

[34:51] And he's programmed not to be able to shoot them.

[34:53] Uh, what's he going to do?

[34:55] Turns out, shoot them anyway.

[34:57] Because Michael Keaton overplays his hand, threatens Robocop's family, and Robocop gets so mad that his emotions, I guess, overload the system.

Dan McCoy

[35:05] When this was set up earlier in the movie, I remember, because I wasn't asleep.

Elliott Kalan

[35:08] When this was set up earlier in the movie, they say that when he gets emotional, the programming acts up.

[35:14] But that was before they removed like half his brain and put circuits in there.

Stuart Wellington

[35:18] And also, that's a stupid thing to put in there.

[35:21] It's just a stupid reasoning.

[35:23] Uh, and the reason he's able to shoot Michael Keaton is because Michael Keaton goes on this awesome long monologue where he's like threatening him.

[35:31] Then he threatens his family.

[35:32] And he's like, you're just a robot.

[35:34] You can't shoot me.

Elliott Kalan

[35:35] You're a robot.

[35:36] Blah, blah, blah, blah.

[35:36] Robots can't do anything.

[35:38] Your arm's moving like you can shoot me.

[35:39] I don't think that could happen.

[35:41] I think, well, now you're pulling a trigger.

[35:42] Like, you're going to shoot me or something?

[35:44] Now a bullet's coming out of your gun.

[35:45] Like, you think it's going to hit me?

[35:47] The only way that, that thing that could have saved that scene for me is he was like, I could kill your family right now and you can't do anything.

[35:53] You're just a robot.

[35:54] I made you.

[35:55] Checks his watch.

[35:56] How much longer until the helicopter gets here?

[35:57] Like another minute?

[35:58] All right.

[35:59] Okay, let's kill this time.

[36:00] Hey man, you're just a robot.

[36:02] Like, this monologue is because he's just killing time and waiting for the helicopter to come get him.

[36:07] Anyway, in the end, Michael Keaton's dead.

[36:10] Robocop is.

Dan McCoy

[36:11] Robocop goes, this is for Jack Frost.

[36:13] Blammo.

[36:14] And then he says, just kidding.

[36:15] I love you, Michael Keaton.

[36:16] I'm glad you're having a comeback.

[36:18] Just kidding.

Elliott Kalan

[36:19] Beetlejuice was great.

[36:20] Glad you're back on top.

Stuart Wellington

[36:21] Birdman forever.

[36:22] Which multiplicity did he kill?

[36:24] He killed the really dumb one.

[36:26] I kept calling him Doug.

[36:27] Yep, he killed the CG one, right?

Elliott Kalan

[36:30] They're all CG.

[36:31] No, cash grab.

[36:32] Oh, I see.

[36:33] I see.

[36:35] So, Murphy wins.

[36:37] What?

[36:38] They were all CG like they're George Lucas's hair.

Stuart Wellington

[36:42] What?

Dan McCoy

[36:43] George Lucas's hair is CG?

[36:45] It's CGI, right?

[36:46] Man, I missed a lot when I was asleep.

Elliott Kalan

[36:48] Yeah, this was all in Robocop.

[36:50] You're too busy dreaming of Robocop.

[36:52] Your movie about a Robocop.

[36:54] He's half man, half Roboat.

[36:56] This is some of the stuff we came up with earlier.

[36:57] Played by Brendan Gleeson, I would imagine.

Stuart Wellington

[37:00] He would be a great Robocop.

[37:02] He would.

Elliott Kalan

[37:04] I would pay so much money to see that.

Dan McCoy

[37:08] He'd do a great job.

[37:09] I mean, he's a fine actor.

[37:10] He is a great actor, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[37:13] He really makes you care for Robocop.

[37:15] The man who's half man, half Roboat.

[37:17] Bad guy in that movie?

[37:18] Colm Meany.

[37:21] The guy wants to just send me that check, please.

Dan McCoy

[37:24] He just wants to sink all the Roboats.

Elliott Kalan

[37:26] Anyway.

[37:27] He's an evil tugboat.

[37:28] Meanwhile, the Senate passes a law that says that you can allow robots to just fight crime in the streets.

[37:36] But now that...

[37:36] Robots can be jocks now.

[37:38] Now that all the truth has come out about Omnicore because Gary Oldman's character testified before the Congress.

[37:43] Murphy's back on the force.

[37:45] The president vetoed that law.

[37:47] And Samuel L. Jackson is not happy about it.

[37:50] And it ends with this kind of like satirical but not funny rant.

[37:54] And we're out.

[37:56] And I will say that...

[37:57] Here's what I'll say in the favor of this movie.

[38:01] There were a couple of action scenes that were all right.

[38:03] It had some neat, good ideas to add to the Robocop concept that didn't quite pan out.

[38:08] And while we were watching it, we came up with Roboat Cop and also the blaxploitation version of Robocop.

[38:13] Blobo Cop.

Dan McCoy

[38:16] So that's a bad, bad movie from you in our final judgment.

Elliott Kalan

[38:19] Well, I think it was, yeah, unfortunately a bad, bad movie.

[38:22] I had high hopes for it.

Stuart Wellington

[38:23] Yeah, and I'm with you.

[38:24] It almost feels like some of the ideas were genuinely great ideas that if they had managed to work them into the original Robo Cop.

[38:32] Yeah, it would have been nice.

Elliott Kalan

[38:33] What it was missing...

[38:34] Here's, I'll tell you what this movie was missing.

[38:36] The first Robo Cop has in spades.

[38:38] Verve.

[38:39] There's like...

[38:40] Zazz?

[38:40] Zazz.

[38:41] Whatever you want to call it.

[38:42] Energy.

[38:43] Personality.

[38:44] Yeah.

[38:44] Well, the first Robo Cop is entirely...

[38:46] It is a movie with a lot of charisma and energy.

[38:49] And this movie had none of that.

[38:50] You know.

[38:51] It was a real listless kind of walking around robot.

Stuart Wellington

[38:54] Almost all the performances are understated.

[38:57] Yeah.

[38:58] And whereas it kind of works for Gary Oldman's performance because he's Gary Oldman.

[39:02] But even Michael Keaton, he could ham it up a little bit more.

[39:05] I know he can.

[39:06] He's got it in him.

Elliott Kalan

[39:07] The only guy who hams it up is Samuel L. Jackson.

[39:09] And they didn't even write any jokes for him.

[39:11] But he barely hams it up.

[39:13] He has some ham in there.

Stuart Wellington

[39:15] There's some boar's head in there.

[39:16] I think you're underestimating his ability to ham it up.

[39:20] Did you see that one where he's like wearing a...

[39:22] That movie where he's wearing a kilt and he's got a wee little soul patch?

Elliott Kalan

[39:26] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[39:27] Highlander.

Stuart Wellington

[39:29] Formula something.

Dan McCoy

[39:30] Yes.

[39:30] Like a number.

[39:31] Formula something.

[39:32] A number.

Elliott Kalan

[39:33] Oh, yeah.

[39:34] And he's got a golf club.

[39:35] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[39:35] Anyway.

[39:35] I give this movie five out of five stars.

[39:39] It's a great nap at the movies.

Elliott Kalan

[39:41] As I said, it was literally snorifying.

[39:44] For the first time, we watched a movie that you found literally snorifying.

Stuart Wellington

[39:47] I don't recall that.

[39:50] This movie reminded me that the original RoboCop deserves a watching from me.

[39:54] Yeah, I want to watch it again.

Elliott Kalan

[39:55] I mean, if they made this movie as a loss leader to get me to watch RoboCop again, then yes, it worked.

[40:01] I mean, this movie was a hit.

[40:03] It made a lot of money.

[40:05] I guess we're in the wrong.

Dan McCoy

[40:06] Let's move on to.

[40:11] I want to make a few announcements.

[40:14] Before we get on the letters, a reminder that the Flophouse is opening the New York Podfest.

[40:23] You sound very excited about it.

[40:24] On January 9th at the Bell House.

[40:26] Boom.

Elliott Kalan

[40:26] January 9th, 2015, 10 p.m. at the Bell House.

[40:30] The Flophouse live.

[40:32] The first ever live recorded episode of the podcast.

[40:36] Come see the Flophouse.

[40:36] Have your laughs be immortalized forever in this podcasting history event.

Stuart Wellington

[40:43] Just like Ozymandias.

Elliott Kalan

[40:45] Okay.

[40:46] Yeah.

[40:47] Look upon my laughs, he mighty.

[40:48] And despair.

[40:50] Long after you have passed from this mortal coil, the eerie sound of your ghostly laughter at a joke about boobs or butts will be recording.

[40:58] We're floating on the winds of Egypt?

[41:01] We will be spreading out through the ether of space for alien civilizations to discover.

[41:06] Awesome.

[41:07] So that's a thing.

[41:09] Future historians will reconstruct you from your laughs.

[41:12] And perhaps your questions?

[41:15] Spoiler.

Dan McCoy

[41:16] I also wanted to plug Slate got in touch about...

[41:23] That's the website Slate.

[41:24] The website Slate.

[41:25] Not the rock formation.

Stuart Wellington

[41:27] And not Fred Flintstone's boss?

[41:31] Is that Mr. Slate?

[41:32] Probably.

[41:32] There's got to be a Slate character.

Dan McCoy

[41:35] Mr. Rockley or something.

Elliott Kalan

[41:36] No, his name was Stones Rockstone.

[41:40] What is he, Italian?

[41:42] His name was Pebble Rock Boulder.

Dan McCoy

[41:44] Before the January 9th show, I, out of the three of us, so not as good.

[41:52] But still pretty good.

Elliott Kalan

[41:54] But hey, you won't be sick or tired at the time, right?

Dan McCoy

[41:56] Yeah, I'm hoping.

[41:57] Jesus, if I'm still sick in December, shoot me.

Elliott Kalan

[42:01] Jesus, pull out a gun from your holster.

Dan McCoy

[42:03] Shoot me dead.

[42:05] So, no, Slate is doing something at Videology in Williamsburg.

[42:10] Brooklyn.

[42:11] At 6.30 p.m., which I assume that's a doors open time to start at 7.

[42:16] But the details are fuzzy thus far.

[42:19] But they do this show where there's video clips and people talk about them.

[42:26] And it's hosted by Dana Stevens, Slate's film critic, who you probably know from the Slate Cultural Gab Fest, if you listen to a lot of podcasts.

[42:37] And the last one was $10.

[42:40] I'm sure that this one will be comparable.

[42:42] $200.

[42:44] What?

Stuart Wellington

[42:44] Because they got a big celebrity named Dan McCoy.

[42:46] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[42:48] Sleepy boy Dan McCoy.

[42:50] It'll be about holiday movies.

[42:53] Is this topic?

Stuart Wellington

[42:55] And that is on December the 13th.

Dan McCoy

[43:02] You okay, Dan?

Elliott Kalan

[43:03] Dan, how much cough syrup did you drink before we recorded?

Dan McCoy

[43:06] Yeah, I'm robin' right now.

[43:07] No, I...

[43:08] Robin' cop.

Elliott Kalan

[43:09] Robin' cop.

[43:11] About a policeman who's done a lot of robitess.

Dan McCoy

[43:13] I thought I had written the date down here, but I didn't.

[43:16] So I had to pull it out of my sleepy brain.

[43:19] Okay.

[43:19] That was what was going on.

[43:20] And before we move on to letters, also I'd like to thank Shannon for sending us these lovely t-shirts we're wearing right now.

[43:27] Are you talking about the queen of flop prom, Shannon Camp?

[43:32] Yeah, I am talking about that.

[43:33] She sent us some shirts from Pizzeria DeVille.

[43:37] Are you reading my shirt?

[43:39] Yeah.

[43:40] Well, it's right there, man.

[43:43] I'm pulling a Marlon Brando.

[43:45] My lines are on your shirt.

Elliott Kalan

[43:47] Is that what the kids are calling it these days?

[43:48] Yeah.

[43:49] Pulling a Marlon Brando?

[43:50] Because we used to just say masturbating.

Dan McCoy

[43:54] He's a...

[43:55] No doubt.

[43:57] He's a real big...

[43:57] He's a real big piece of meat.

Elliott Kalan

[44:06] Is this the first podcast that a host will die during?

Dan McCoy

[44:10] So that's the thing.

Elliott Kalan

[44:12] Maybe one of us should have done the announcements.

[44:14] That's the thing.

[44:15] That's the thing with Sam McCord.

Dan McCoy

[44:21] Were we that things?

[44:23] We should go on to letters.

[44:25] Letters.

Stuart Wellington

[44:27] Come on, it's going to be a tumbleweed ballot.

[44:31] Letters.

[44:32] Pulling them out of a bag.

[44:35] Elliot, why don't you grab a handful?

Elliott Kalan

[44:39] Letters.

[44:40] Letters.

Elliott Kalan

[44:41] All right.

[44:42] Well, thanks, guys.

[44:43] On that lonesome letter trail.

[44:47] Roping cattle.

[44:49] Reading letters to cattle.

[44:51] Dear cattle.

[44:52] Here's a letter for you.

[44:54] It's lonesome out here.

[44:56] Reading letters.

[44:59] Under the stars.

[45:00] Yippee-yay.

[45:02] Kyle.

[45:05] Letters.

[45:05] Get along, little letters.

[45:09] Letters.

[45:10] Okay.

[45:11] Get along time letters.

Stuart Wellington

[45:13] Do you have an Indian flute?

Dan McCoy

[45:16] Or an American flute, I guess?

[45:18] That song went along long enough that I'm going to skip over the first letter.

Elliott Kalan

[45:23] Oh, come on, Dan.

[45:24] Move on.

[45:25] I think you're coughing.

[45:26] Slow this down.

Dan McCoy

[45:28] No, we're just running slow anyway.

[45:30] So let's go to this.

[45:31] Dearest Flop Guys, I'm a big shot executive from CBS.

[45:34] Oh, sweet.

[45:35] Please do not check my LinkedIn profiles.

[45:37] That is bad form and will upset the deal.

[45:39] I just wanted to let you guys know that everyone here at our television network, CBS, loves

[45:44] what you're doing with the new media MP3 paradigm.

[45:47] As such, you are now all hired to make a children's variety television show titled The Flophouse.

[45:54] Naturally, all three of you will be living in a wacky and a wild house with crazy animatronic

[45:58] characters and goofy hijinks.

Elliott Kalan

[46:00] Animatronic?

[46:01] What was that, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[46:02] Animatronic.

[46:03] You'll each have your own bedroom and Rube Goldbergine breakfast machine of your own design

[46:07] and maybe even a shed in the backyard to keep pets and family.

[46:11] Now, we're willing to give you guys a lot of free reign, but you're contractually obligated

[46:15] to do the following segments.

[46:17] Snack time with Stuart.

[46:18] I don't think that's going to be a problem.

[46:20] Stuart gets hungry and goes to the fridge to meet his friend, Wormy Boner, a worm who

[46:24] lives in an apple famous for his remarkable bone density.

[46:28] Together, they prepare a healthy calcium-rich snack brought to you by the Bone-in Sardines

[46:33] and Milk Trust of Canada.

[46:35] The Zigadrome with Elliot.

[46:37] Elliot uses his mad scientist technology to bring his favorite characters from the newspaper

[46:42] funnies to life.

[46:43] Using nothing but a 1970s-era Cray supercomputer.

[46:46] Some leftover Popeye's bones placed in a pattern to divine which spirits are in the room.

[46:51] And an improvised song.

[46:52] Watch as ink becomes flesh and newsprint becomes bone.

[46:56] Learn the true voice of Rose from Rose's Rose.

Elliott Kalan

[46:59] That's one of my favorite comic book characters.

Dan McCoy

[47:02] To become aware of Dilbert's attitudes on men's rights.

[47:06] Just kind of sit uncomfortably while the lock horns bicker.

[47:10] The portal of time with Dan.

[47:13] Dan McCoy has a lot of great memories.

[47:15] Watch the ship's window next to Dan's favorite knee-friendly recliner spark and sputtered alive

[47:19] as Dan describes movies he saw on the plane or something he saw on the History Channel that afternoon.

[47:24] I don't watch the History Channel.

[47:25] No, come on.

[47:26] Dan hates history.

[47:27] Around the world with the cab keeper.

[47:30] The crypt keeper's brother has a magic cab that can drive anywhere in the world for the right fare.

[47:34] The original peaches show America what life is like all over the planet.

[47:38] No need to thank us.

[47:39] The check is in the mail.

[47:39] And by reading this letter, you are contractually obligated to make five seasons of 16 episodes.

[47:44] Please submit blueprints for each of your rooms and await by the Gila pad for extraction.

Elliott Kalan

[47:49] Gila pad?

[47:50] Is that where the Gila monsters live?

[47:52] CBS, AKC.

Stuart Wellington

[47:53] So famous.

[47:54] Ten of last name withheld.

[47:56] So my room's going to have just like one giant round bed.

[48:01] Yeah?

[48:02] Yeah, because round beds are sexier than normal beds.

Elliott Kalan

[48:05] Yeah, because you like to be dizzy when you're having sex.

Stuart Wellington

[48:07] I'm not saying it's moving around in a circle.

[48:09] We've already talked about this.

[48:10] We've talked about this.

[48:10] I'm just saying round.

[48:12] Because the sexiest shape is round.

[48:15] And pillows should fall off all the time.

Elliott Kalan

[48:18] Hey, look guys.

[48:19] Real beds have curves, okay?

Dan McCoy

[48:21] I mean, all this talk of beds and pillows.

[48:24] Just live with it.

Elliott Kalan

[48:26] This is the first time I've ever seen a real life person do a cartoon thing where you're so tired,

[48:30] your body just floats to the air into a bed.

[48:33] And then the sheets roll up to tuck you in.

[48:36] And the moon blows you a kiss.

Stuart Wellington

[48:39] Well, the moon and I have had a thing for a while, Elliot.

[48:41] Whoa, I didn't realize that.

[48:43] Yeah.

[48:43] He has a body sometimes when he plays the piano at McDonald's.

Elliott Kalan

[48:46] As Mac tonight.

[48:49] So Dan, you and Mac tonight?

[48:51] It was Jay Leno.

[48:53] No, Jay Leno was.

[48:54] Creepy, reflective pain.

[48:56] Jay Leno was Doritos' Jumpin' Jack Cheese.

[48:58] Oh.

[49:00] Which is why as a kid I thought his name was Jack Cheese.

Dan McCoy

[49:03] Yeah, I imagine him jumping was just something that he did.

Stuart Wellington

[49:06] Just enjoyed, you know.

[49:07] I imagine that Jay Leno and Michael Shannon would be in a fight to see who would play Mac tonight

[49:12] in the live action, the hardcore movie, hardcore porn movie.

Dan McCoy

[49:17] Jay Leno would be like, look, didn't you see me in Collision Course with Pat Morita?

Elliott Kalan

[49:22] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[49:23] And Michael Shannon would be like, didn't you see me in My Son, My Son, What Have You Done?

[49:26] And Jay Leno would be like, nobody saw that movie.

[49:31] So, next letter.

[49:33] So, letters, Dan.

[49:34] Yeah.

[49:34] So, those all sound like great show ideas.

[49:36] Let's do it, CBS.

[49:37] Thanks.

[49:38] Welcome home.

Stuart Wellington

[49:39] So, then this next one goes.

[49:40] I'll start dusting off an Emmy spot or Golden Globe.

[49:43] What do you earn for being on a TV show?

[49:45] Uh, money.

[49:46] Okay.

[49:48] Not just statues?

Elliott Kalan

[49:50] No, the statues are fine, but the money's better.

Dan McCoy

[49:52] Dear Elliot, and only Elliot, and absolutely anyone else who reads this email will be struck

[49:57] by a gypsy curse.

[49:59] Presuming sleepier.

[50:04] Tired.

[50:05] Presuming I can get a gypsy to place a curse at a reasonable rate.

[50:08] They're called Romani.

Stuart Wellington

[50:10] If I recall.

[50:10] Yeah, give him a button or some kind of wampum or something.

Elliott Kalan

[50:13] Oh, boy.

[50:15] That was maybe the most racist thing that's ever been said on this podcast.

[50:18] Yeah.

[50:19] But continue, Dan.

[50:20] Get us into more trouble.

[50:21] Apologize.

Dan McCoy

[50:22] If I recall correctly, on a previous episode of The Flophouse, you mentioned that Mystery

[50:26] Science Theater 3000 is one of your favorite shows, if not your very favorite show.

[50:30] Very true.

[50:30] Well, then, perhaps you'd be interested in knowing that I have a book coming out about

[50:34] that very show titled The Comic Galaxy of Mystery Science Theater 3000, 12 Classic Episodes

[50:40] and the Movies They Lampoon.

[50:42] It's a sort of critical analysis of the show, but also it has references to The Simpsons

[50:46] and The Tall Man stuff.

[50:48] Feel free to check it out.

[50:49] I'd appreciate it immensely.

[50:50] Maybe even tell Dan and Stuart about it.

[50:53] I'd hate for them to be left out of this opportunity.

[50:55] Why, it could even be mentioned on the podcast.

[50:57] Did Dan, did a spam bot send us a letter?

Elliott Kalan

[51:00] Imagine that.

[51:00] And what about a great deal on sunglasses?

[51:03] Dick pills?

[51:04] Would you like those?

[51:06] What else can I get you?

[51:07] I was recently mugged in whales and I need you to send me money right now.

Stuart Wellington

[51:11] I'm a Nigerian prince.

[51:12] My name is Jonah.

[51:15] Jonah?

[51:16] Mugged in a whale.

[51:17] I get it.

[51:17] Yeah.

[51:19] Keep up, Dan.

[51:20] Come on.

Elliott Kalan

[51:21] These are the jokes, Dan.

[51:23] Unfortunately.

[51:24] Continue reading, please.

Dan McCoy

[51:26] Anyone less interested in the book can find it on the internet by searching for the comic

[51:31] galaxy of Mystery Science Theater 3000 by Chris Morgan.

[51:34] Again, that's the comic galaxy of Mystery Science Theater 3000 by Chris Morgan.

[51:39] Chris' last name with help.

[51:41] Wait a minute.

[51:41] I thought it would be nice to do a little something.

[51:43] That is nice.

[51:44] For a fan.

[51:45] Now we're going to read that book.

[51:46] Don't expect it, everyone else.

[51:47] So offensive.

[51:48] One star on Amazon.

[51:49] You got to pay for your advertisements.

[51:51] How did this guy pay?

[51:53] Well, he paid by writing his letter before I demanded money for these things.

[51:57] He got it just under the wire.

[51:59] Yeah.

[52:00] So this last letter.

[52:01] It's called a grandfather clause.

[52:03] Yeah, you can't fool me.

Stuart Wellington

[52:04] There's no grandfather clause.

[52:05] My grandfather's got terrifying clause.

[52:08] His name's Wolverine.

Elliott Kalan

[52:11] Grandpa, Grandpa, show me your clause.

Dan McCoy

[52:14] Yeah, yeah.

[52:14] Snick, snake.

[52:15] Okay, whatever.

Elliott Kalan

[52:16] Grandpa's going to take a nap.

[52:17] It's a weird old time comedy routine.

Stuart Wellington

[52:20] The 2,000 year old Wolverine.

[52:22] Growing up as a kid on metaphor is tough.

[52:25] Even when your grandpa's patch.

[52:27] Call me patch.

Elliott Kalan

[52:29] Call me dog Logan or whatever.

[52:31] What are you doing?

Stuart Wellington

[52:32] What?

[52:33] Wolverine's one man show.

[52:35] All the characters I could talk about.

Elliott Kalan

[52:37] It's Stuart's one man show about growing up as Wolverine's grandson.

[52:40] What are they?

Stuart Wellington

[52:41] The hand ninjas always bugging you?

[52:43] Yeah.

[52:45] Ninjas are always bugging you.

Elliott Kalan

[52:47] I'll never forget when Jubilee took my virginity.

[52:52] That's one of the scenes.

[52:54] There were fireworks that night, I'll tell you.

Dan McCoy

[52:57] So this last letter is from L. Kennedy, whom you may remember as our romance novel author.

[53:06] Oh, yeah.

[53:07] So L. Kennedy writes...

Elliott Kalan

[53:09] She wrote that book about Jubilee and the young teen boy.

[53:13] And the billionaire dinosaur.

[53:15] Summer of 92.

[53:16] Summer of 92.

[53:17] Yeah, the billionaire baby dinosaur.

Dan McCoy

[53:19] Feel free not to read this note on the podcast because it's actually kind of pointless.

[53:23] Well, I felt free to ignore that.

[53:25] Yes.

[53:26] But I had to share this with you.

[53:28] So I totally used one of Elliot's silly descriptions for abs to describe the hero of my latest book.

[53:34] Oh, this might be Stu's actually.

[53:35] Yeah, yeah.

[53:36] Heroin remarks that he's shredded like lettuce.

[53:39] That's Stu's.

[53:39] Yeah, that's a Stuart's phrase.

[53:40] Shredded like a ninja turtle is Elliot's.

[53:42] And my editor comes back with, nobody would say something that weird.

[53:48] As a joke, I changed it to shredded like a ninja turtle.

[53:52] At which point she says, and I quote, that's a lot better.

[53:58] You guys need to describe a dude's body.

[54:00] Your editor is insane.

[54:02] And yet she didn't go for cum gutters, your usual phrase.

[54:06] You guys need to describe a dude's body in a bunch of new ways for future podcasts.

[54:09] Because I'll be taking notes.

[54:11] Keep on flopping in the free world.

Elliott Kalan

[54:12] What about like all knobbly down there for abs?

Dan McCoy

[54:17] Yeah.

[54:18] Like Smog's belly?

Stuart Wellington

[54:20] Like half a mile of rough road?

Elliott Kalan

[54:23] How about cobblestone abs?

Stuart Wellington

[54:29] Smog's belly would be appropriate if you consider the belly button as being the missing chink in the armor that the black arrow finds.

Elliott Kalan

[54:36] The one jewel that's not there.

Dan McCoy

[54:38] That jewel.

[54:38] His testicle.

[54:39] The singer.

[54:40] His testicles were craggly like the cracked mud of a desert.

Elliott Kalan

[54:46] No.

[54:47] How about that?

[54:47] That doesn't work.

[54:48] How about this?

[54:50] His scrotum hung there like a crane clinging for dear life to the edge of a cliff.

[54:57] How about that?

Dan McCoy

[54:59] His scrotum hung there like a bat playing upside down from the bottom of his taint.

[55:05] His Donovan's brain pouch was immaculate.

[55:10] Romance novels are primarily concerned with describing the scrotum, right?

[55:15] I think so, yeah.

[55:16] The most romantic part of a man's body.

[55:19] The most romantic part of a man's body.

Elliott Kalan

[55:21] Oh.

[55:22] Yeah.

[55:24] I just know that there's that one, that famous one, scrot learning.

[55:29] What?

[55:30] Instead of rote learning.

[55:31] Oh.

[55:31] Anyway.

[55:32] Scrot memorization.

[55:33] That's what you would call it.

[55:34] Yep.

[55:34] So let's...

[55:35] So anyway, other things for abs.

[55:37] We'll work on it.

[55:37] Yeah, sure.

[55:38] Sure.

[55:39] Yeah.

[55:39] His abs were like the pebbles in the bottom of a fish tank.

Dan McCoy

[55:42] His abs were bumpy, like abs.

Elliott Kalan

[55:47] His abs resembled nothing more than a bunch of sexy abs.

Stuart Wellington

[55:52] His wiener looked great, like a giant combo.

Elliott Kalan

[55:59] Like a pizza flavor?

[56:01] Yeah, of course.

[56:02] Well, we leave it up to the reader's imagination as to what kind of combo it is.

Dan McCoy

[56:05] It's the reader's...

[56:05] Whatever their favorite combo.

[56:07] Yeah, whether it's pizza, cheese, pepperoni.

[56:08] That's what makes it romantic.

[56:10] Whatever.

[56:10] Because the woman can fill in that information herself.

[56:13] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[56:13] Yeah.

[56:14] Because the most erotic place is the mind.

[56:17] So...

[56:17] Harnessing...

[56:18] You know, in my day...

[56:19] That's the largest erogenous zone, Elliot.

[56:21] In my day, we had to use our imagination to decide what combo a man's penis was.

[56:26] It wasn't just fed to us like TV does.

[56:31] On the shadow, when they described a man's penis as looking like a combo, we had to fill in the details.

[56:38] And fill in the details of what a combo was.

Stuart Wellington

[56:41] It hadn't been invented yet.

[56:44] Was it made out of a pretzel casing?

[56:46] Or some kind of a, I don't know, cracker roll?

Elliott Kalan

[56:51] Back then, combos only had one thing.

[56:54] There wasn't any combination.

[56:56] Because of the war, cheese filling was desperately needed to beat Tojo and Hitler.

[57:05] All the pretzels were rationed.

[57:08] And we liked it, Van Dagnabbit.

Dan McCoy

[57:11] So, that's the history of erotica.

Elliott Kalan

[57:15] Gummy worms were made out of tin.

[57:18] And nerds' candies were made of real nerds.

Dan McCoy

[57:22] Because of the war.

[57:25] Neko casing, Neko wafers were made of the same thing they always have been made out of.

[57:29] Dust.

Elliott Kalan

[57:30] And we renamed Swedish Fish Freedom Fish.

Dan McCoy

[57:34] So, anyway.

[57:37] Now is the point in the podcast where we recommend movies that we liked and didn't sleep through.

Elliott Kalan

[57:43] Is that possible?

[57:44] Are there such films?

Stuart Wellington

[57:45] You just got back from Austin, guys.

[57:47] What did you guys watch on the plane?

Elliott Kalan

[57:49] The plane really didn't have.

[57:51] No, it was an old plane that did not.

[57:53] It played a movie, but everyone had to watch the same movie on a tiny screen above you.

Dan McCoy

[57:58] I won't say what terrible airline it was, but it was Delta.

Elliott Kalan

[58:04] Great, now they're never going to sponsor us.

[58:06] I mean, while I was in Austin, I did see Birdman, but that's not the movie I'm going to recommend tonight.

Stuart Wellington

[58:10] Oh, wow.

[58:11] Burnman?

Elliott Kalan

[58:12] It was alright.

[58:13] What?

[58:14] More like Burnman.

[58:16] That's what I was going to say.

[58:16] Which I guess would be, what, Firestarter?

[58:18] Yeah.

[58:19] Or The Human Torch?

Stuart Wellington

[58:20] Is there a movie called The Human Torch?

[58:22] There will be.

Dan McCoy

[58:23] Okay.

[58:24] Firestarter.

[58:25] Burn Little Lady.

[58:27] Or Three Burns and a Little Lady.

[58:29] Mr. Burns and a Little Lady.

Elliott Kalan

[58:30] You know, Dan seems to be finally going into his post-nap fugue state.

[58:36] So I'll talk.

[58:37] The movie I'm going to recommend is a movie called The Woman Chaser, starring Patrick Warburton.

[58:42] It's from 1999.

[58:43] It's a movie I've wanted to see since it came out and yet only got to this year because it just wasn't readily available for a long time.

[58:51] But then the AV Club tipped me off through the form of an article that it was available on Netflix streaming,

[58:56] and I just finally got to watch this movie I've been wanting to see for a long time.

[59:00] And it is a movie set in the 50s, and Patrick Warburton plays a really tough but good used car dealer

[59:09] who is tired of his life selling used cars and finds himself in a rut, so he decides to enter the film business

[59:15] through his stepfather, who is a former film director.

[59:19] And he makes a movie that he finds to be perfect, but the studio wants him to change it,

[59:25] and so he basically goes mad.

[59:27] And he plays this weird, uncompromising character who's a real dick to everybody,

[59:33] but it's Patrick Warburton, so there's this kind of level of charm and likability to him.

[59:39] And it feels at times like he's kind of testing out for eventually playing Brock Sampson on Adventure Brothers.

[59:45] The movie itself is an interesting one.

[59:48] It's got a lot of wannabe Coen Brothers, wannabe Tarantino stuff about it.

[59:54] There's some stuff that it does that the man who wasn't there would do better a few years later,

[59:59] but I like it a lot.

[1:00:01] It's this tight little 90-minute weirdo kind of comedy kind of noir movie,

[1:00:08] and Patrick Warburton's really good in it.

[1:00:10] So The Woman Chaser on Netflix is playing at your computer.

[1:00:16] Rated?

[1:00:18] R, I guess?

[1:00:18] R, probably.

[1:00:19] Yeah, I don't know.

[1:00:19] He's swearing in it.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:21] I want to recommend two movies.

[1:00:24] Two movies.

[1:00:24] I'll try and do it fast, even though I'm sleepy.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:26] One's a movie trailer.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:28] No, they're both available on Netflix streaming.

[1:00:32] I watched Short Term 12, which is a movie about kids who have been taken from their family

[1:00:42] or in dangerous situations, family at home, and placed in short-term care.

[1:00:48] So is it like Short Circuit 2?

[1:00:50] Yeah, it's exactly like Short Circuit 2.

[1:00:52] They play old songs on a keypad.

[1:00:56] How are the Locos represented?

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:00] Does anyone kick balls into outer space?

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:02] There's a point where Fisher Stevens goes,

Dan McCoy

[1:01:06] it takes a tough man to make a tender chicken?

[1:01:09] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:09] The Locos gang rhyme took me a little while,

[1:01:14] but it was very important to me to master it when I was a kid.

[1:01:18] Do you break it out right now?

[1:01:20] Those Locos kick your...

[1:01:22] Wait.

[1:01:22] Those Locos kick your ass.

[1:01:24] Those Locos kick your face.

[1:01:25] Those Locos kick your balls into outer space.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:29] Yeah.

[1:01:29] All right.

[1:01:30] Well, anyway, Short Term 12.

[1:01:33] It's a little film.

[1:01:36] It stars Brie Larson.

[1:01:37] It's only two inches high.

[1:01:38] Who I had seen in less than, like, roles that would not normally be standout roles in 21 Jump Street

[1:01:48] and a small role in The Worst Season of Community.

[1:01:52] But she always impressed me in those.

[1:01:55] She's in Scott Pilgrim, too, right?

[1:01:57] Yes.

[1:01:58] But this is, like, she's a star.

[1:01:59] She's, without question, the star of the film and is tremendous in it.

[1:02:04] The movie, at its best, is a very, like, sort of sensitive, realistic portrait.

[1:02:11] At its worst, it gets a little plotty and unrealistic.

[1:02:16] And the stuff that's...

[1:02:17] Too much Pilates.

[1:02:18] Well, the stuff that's really good kind of throws the stuff that's a little false into greater relief.

[1:02:23] But, overall, I liked it a lot.

[1:02:26] And I also want to recommend Phase 4.

[1:02:29] A lot of movies with numbers in the titles.

[1:02:32] The only movie that Saul Bass directed.

[1:02:36] Oh, I've been wanting to see that.

[1:02:37] Saul Bass, who you know from things like, say, the North by Northwest credit sequence.

[1:02:42] Or the psycho credit sequence.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:43] Or the Anatomy of a Murder credit sequence.

[1:02:45] Yeah.

[1:02:45] So many credit sequences.

[1:02:46] Or claiming credit for the psycho shower sequence that he didn't direct.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:50] Or people on the internet reimagining things as if they're Saul Bass things.

[1:02:56] You may know it from that.

[1:02:57] Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't really give him credit for those.

[1:02:59] Well, he's influential.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:01] He could be a person on the internet.

[1:03:03] So it's Lawnmower Man.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:07] Saul Bass, a.k.a.

[1:03:08] The Lawnmower Man, has been terrorizing the internet with his credit sequences.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:13] It's a movie about there's this sort of disturbance from outer space that gets all of the ants on the earth talking to one another.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:24] Like my Aunt Wendy and my Aunt Carol?

[1:03:26] Ants.

[1:03:27] Ants.

[1:03:27] Insects.

[1:03:27] Because they're on different sides of my family.

[1:03:29] They don't really talk to each other.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:31] And the ants have become smart and they start working together and they start working together against humanity.

[1:03:38] And a couple of scientists are trying to figure out a way to stop them, communicate with them, whatever they can do.

[1:03:48] And it's a very interesting movie because it's like they take this sort of absurd premise, you know, like the ants are going to kill us.

[1:03:55] And they treat it as seriously, I think, as such a premise could be treated.

[1:03:59] Like it's this weird combination of sort of like hard science fiction and dreamy like 1970s like semi-surrealism and like Saul Bass's design.

[1:04:14] Eye is beautiful.

[1:04:15] And it uses a lot of footage, close-up footage of real ants in a way that doesn't look like nature photography.

[1:04:24] It looks like it was somehow they taught these ants to act.

[1:04:27] Like they got some acting ants.

[1:04:29] Yeah, like it really tells the story visually through these ants and it's pretty amazing.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:33] Like in a bug's life?

Dan McCoy

[1:04:35] Yeah, exactly like in a bug's life.

[1:04:38] Perfect.

[1:04:39] Then Kevin Spacey plays Hopper.

[1:04:43] Dennis Hopper?

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:44] Yeah, it's the Dennis Hopper story but it's told all through ants.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:47] So it's my turn to recommend a movie.

[1:04:50] So I'm going to recommend a movie that might still be in theaters or you might have to wait a little while to catch it.

[1:04:57] It's called It Happened One Night.

[1:04:58] Catch it on the flip side.

[1:04:59] I'm not sure whether it's still in theaters but you can check it out.

[1:05:02] It's a movie called Jonathan Wick starring Keanu.

[1:05:06] Hey, don't set him off.

[1:05:07] Jonathan Wick Mickey?

[1:05:10] It's starring Keanu Reeves.

[1:05:12] It's called The Jonathan Wicker Man.

[1:05:13] You might know him from The Matrixes.

[1:05:16] Oh, The Matrixes.

[1:05:17] Or The First of the Speeds.

[1:05:20] Yep, The First of the Speeds.

[1:05:22] So this year, 2014 people, has been a great year for action movies.

[1:05:29] You have your Raids 2.

[1:05:30] You have your The Guests.

[1:05:32] You have your Live, Dies, Repeat, etc.

[1:05:35] Well, John Wick continues that tradition.

[1:05:39] Thanks for your book.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:42] John Wick is a land of contrasts.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:46] Webster's Dictionary defines John Wick as a total badass.

[1:05:51] And something that's in a candle.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:54] This is a hard-hitting...

[1:05:57] Mark Twain once said,

[1:05:58] Don't let John Wick get in the way of your education.

[1:06:01] I believe this is true.

[1:06:03] John Wick, Keanu Reeves, yeah?

[1:06:06] So this is like a Taken-type movie.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:08] Kinda.

[1:06:08] It's a straightforward revenge story about a former super badass

[1:06:13] who left the life behind after performing The Impossible Job.

[1:06:18] But he comes back to the life after his...

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:21] To perform The Impossible Job.

[1:06:24] After an opening...

[1:06:24] To Wick with a John played by Keanu.

[1:06:28] After an opening monologue...

[1:06:29] To Stuart with his movie recommendation.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:32] After an opening montage where we find out...

[1:06:35] See Keanu Reeves mourning the loss of his wife.

[1:06:38] She...

[1:06:39] His dead wife gives him a final parting gift of a very cute puppy

[1:06:44] which gets murdered by the guy who plays Thay and Greyjoy

[1:06:47] from the Game of Thrones show, I think.

[1:06:52] His name is Reek.

[1:06:53] Whatevs.

[1:06:55] And then he goes on a totes awesome revenge spree.

[1:06:58] Now the thing about this movie is it's directed by a former stuntman, I think,

[1:07:03] or a fight choreographer.

[1:07:04] So the action scenes are all very readable.

[1:07:07] It manages to be very fun.

[1:07:09] And they are smart enough to surround Keanu Reeves who is kind of a boring dude with very fun and exciting side characters.

[1:07:20] Including Ian McShane, Lance Reddick from The Wire, Willem Dafoe, etc.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:26] So...

[1:07:26] When you said Willem Dafoe, I thought you said Lil Dafoe for a second.

[1:07:29] Like Lil Wayne.

[1:07:30] Lil Dafoe.

[1:07:30] Lil Daniel Dafoe.

[1:07:32] Writer of Lil Robinson Crusoe.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:34] And Lil Mothlanders.

[1:07:36] So run, don't walk to your movie theater because it's probably not going to be there very long.

[1:07:42] But it's great.

[1:07:42] It's fun.

[1:07:43] How many wicks do you give it?

[1:07:45] I'd give it five wicks.

[1:07:47] That's good.

[1:07:48] Out of 200.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:49] Oh, that's not very good at all.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:52] But 200 wicks is a terrible score to have.

[1:07:55] Oh, so the fewer wicks you have, the better.

[1:07:57] Six wicks is the best.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:58] What?

[1:08:00] The score is crazy bonkers.

[1:08:03] The system is...

[1:08:04] You gotta see the movie.

[1:08:05] That's all I'm saying.

[1:08:05] No spoilers.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:08] Fans of the movie will get it.

[1:08:11] So now what do we do, Dan?

[1:08:12] Now I...

[1:08:12] Do we talk about letters we liked?

[1:08:14] I got it asleep.

[1:08:15] So what movie are we talking about tonight, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[1:08:16] No, no, no.

[1:08:17] No.

[1:08:18] I'm caught in a time loop.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:19] Oh, God.

[1:08:20] I'll never get to bed.

[1:08:21] So RoboCop is taking the words...

[1:08:24] No.

[1:08:24] Cop or Police Officer and Robert.

[1:08:30] It's Robert O. Cop.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:32] All right.

[1:08:33] Come on, guys.

[1:08:33] He's in a...

[1:08:34] He's...

[1:08:34] Actually, that's the joke we did on The Daily Show

[1:08:37] when the star of RoboCop was a guest.

[1:08:38] Was that...

[1:08:39] The movie was called RoboCop.

[1:08:40] Oh.

[1:08:41] It's about an Irish policeman.

[1:08:42] The audience loved it, Stuart.

[1:08:47] So anyway, it's called RoboCop.

[1:08:49] It's about a cop who's depressed

[1:08:50] and doesn't get out of his robe

[1:08:51] and get dressed for his job.

[1:08:52] But he's still cracking crimes

[1:08:54] and solving slimes.

[1:08:55] Is he...

[1:08:56] That's why, man.

[1:09:00] Cat harf.

[1:09:01] Throwing creeps in jail

[1:09:02] but not reading his mail.

[1:09:06] Does that make him a bad boy on the edge

[1:09:08] that doesn't read his mail?

[1:09:09] Yeah.

[1:09:10] A bad boy on the edge.

[1:09:11] He's still throwing the book at him

[1:09:13] but the book is

[1:09:13] a book of photos of his ex-wife.

[1:09:16] That's why he's so depressed.

[1:09:18] He got divorced.

[1:09:19] His pitch is almost as confusing

[1:09:20] as Stuart's rating system.

[1:09:23] He's a vanity publisher, yeah.

[1:09:26] He's still kicking ass

[1:09:27] and attending mass

[1:09:28] because he's Catholic.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:29] It's the most terrifying book

[1:09:31] you'll ever read.

[1:09:32] Pictures of my ex-wife.

[1:09:33] Boom.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:36] So anyway,

[1:09:37] we'll learn what other things

[1:09:38] that this cop likes to do

[1:09:39] that rhymes

[1:09:39] but for now

[1:09:41] we should sign off.

[1:09:42] I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:09:44] I've been Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:45] He's still shutting down creeps

[1:09:47] and making beeps

[1:09:48] when he pushes buttons

[1:09:50] that make a beep sound

[1:09:51] and I'm Elliot Kalin.

[1:09:53] Good night, everyone.

[1:09:58] There's a pox upon your house, Dan.

[1:10:01] House McCoy, that is.

[1:10:03] The house of flops.

[1:10:05] Flophouse.

[1:10:07] Hey, everybody.

[1:10:09] Flophouse time.

[1:10:10] Flophouse time.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:10] This is the loudest

[1:10:11] I'm gonna talk.

[1:10:12] This is the quietest

[1:10:14] I'm gonna talk.

[1:10:15] I mean, that was more

[1:10:15] high-pitched than quiet.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:19] Okay, whenever you're ready, Dan.

[1:10:22] We can just tuck you back in.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:23] Been ready.

[1:10:24] Yep, let's pull

[1:10:25] a little sleeping cap on them.

[1:10:27] Been ready since

[1:10:28] first call.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:29] Just put you to sleep

[1:10:30] in your little matchbox bed

[1:10:31] inside your mouse hole house.

The Flop House_ Episode #165 - Robocop (2014)

Transcript

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