Episode #169 - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles LIVE

[0:00] The following show was taped live at the Bell House in Brooklyn on January 9th, 2015.

[2:01] I can't help but feel that's somehow racist, but I will answer.

[2:06] It's explicitly racist.

[2:08] Yeah, thank you.

[2:09] On all other nights, the Flop House was recorded in Dan's sad apartment.

[2:14] None to watch but an angry cat and God.

[2:19] But now, a live studio audience.

[2:22] Tonight, the Flop House was recorded before a live studio audience at the Bell House.

[2:30] In beautiful Gowanus, Brooklyn.

[2:32] Gowanus, Brooklyn.

[2:33] I want to live in an abandoned warehouse, but that might smell too good.

[2:38] But is it next to a Superfund site?

[2:42] Yeah.

[2:43] How much cleaning up does the government have to do?

[2:48] There's a Whole Foods.

[2:50] Okay, I guess that makes up for it.

[2:53] Well, I guess problem solved.

[2:56] You mark my words, someday that lettuce is going to grow arms and start choking people.

[3:00] Now that's a movie.

[3:02] It's called Lettuce Chokers.

[3:05] That sounds like they're choking the lettuce.

[3:07] Yeah.

[3:08] Guys, we're going to have to redevelop this whole idea.

[3:11] So, no, this is wonderful.

[3:13] It's a sellout crowd.

[3:15] I'm not saying you're all sellouts, although some of you probably are.

[3:19] Probably.

[3:20] And we're here as part of the New York City Podcast Festival FestCast.

[3:26] Sponsored by Charmin.

[3:29] Charmin, the softest thing you can put on your butt.

[3:34] One, I don't think that's true.

[3:37] Yeah, if you took like a chinchilla, like a live chinchilla.

[3:41] If you strapped a live chinchilla to your butt that's softer, and two,

[3:44] why are you throwing Charmin all this free promotion?

[3:47] I don't know, maybe after the fact.

[3:49] I mean, chinchillas are paying us to promote them.

[3:53] That's right, it's a backdoor promotion for chinchillas.

[3:56] A backdoor promotion for Charmin.

[4:01] So, why are we here?

[4:04] He said it.

[4:05] I don't know.

[4:06] So, anyway, we're here to do a regular episode of the podcast

[4:09] just with a lot of people listening.

[4:10] So, what do we do on this podcast?

[4:11] Loving and laughing, living and learning.

[4:14] Thank you, Neil Simon, for teaching us to laugh about love.

[4:18] Yet again.

[4:19] So, is this the point of the podcast where you start to regret having Elliot

[4:23] with a microphone in front of an audience?

[4:25] No, no, dear Lord, no.

[4:28] I know that if I fail, as I inevitably will, he'll jump in.

[4:32] Just wind him up.

[4:33] With a bunch of nonsense.

[4:34] Nonsense is my specialty, which is also the name of my detective show.

[4:42] A lady walked in with gabs that would not quit,

[4:45] and I said, teddy bear, bookcase, rug.

[4:49] I'm not having a stroke.

[4:50] My nonsense is in sentences.

[4:56] A dame walked in with gabs from here to hey there.

[5:00] She told me her story, and I told her another story.

[5:03] Not so much a story as a monologue that I made up as I went along.

[5:06] She left partway through, but I kept going.

[5:11] My receptionist, Thelma, was the only one who ever understood me.

[5:15] And, boy, did she understand.

[5:16] She had a degree in understanding.

[5:18] And, boy, could she stand.

[5:20] She had gabs from here up to hey there.

[5:23] How do you make money in this detective agency, by the way?

[5:26] I'm broke.

[5:27] Okay.

[5:29] You just have someone standing behind the door to hit people on the head

[5:32] with bottles when they come in, and you rifle through their purse

[5:35] to take their money.

[5:36] Wow.

[5:37] Yeah, give away my secret, Dan, thanks.

[5:39] I thought this was an infomercial about how you can make money at home.

[5:42] Yeah, make money at home by opening a detective's agency.

[5:45] Like a home office?

[5:46] Yeah.

[5:47] You have a secretary in your home?

[5:49] Well, secretary, dog, I mean, it's, you know.

[5:52] This is primarily a detective podcast.

[5:55] Yes.

[5:56] But secondarily.

[5:57] It's called The Flop Clues, yeah.

[5:59] It's a podcast.

[6:00] What do we do on this podcast, Dan?

[6:02] We watch a bad movie, and then we talk about it.

[6:04] Okay.

[6:05] And we, to try and make this as normal as possible for us,

[6:10] since we're not used to doing this in front of an audience,

[6:12] we actually just down the street watched a movie right before we came here.

[6:17] In an abandoned warehouse.

[6:19] Yeah.

[6:20] That had been turned into like a skate hangout for the kids.

[6:23] Those kids?

[6:24] Members of the Foot Clan.

[6:25] Oh, shit.

[6:26] Because what movie did we watch, Dan?

[6:27] We watched a little movie called Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

[6:30] Not the old one.

[6:32] Not the one with the.

[6:33] Not the cartoon?

[6:34] No, well, that wasn't a good cartoon.

[6:36] You mean not the one from the 50s, Dan?

[6:38] With Glenn Ford as Donatello?

[6:43] We didn't watch the old one?

[6:45] We didn't watch the one with the Jim Henson creature shop.

[6:49] Jim Henson, yeah.

[6:51] Jim Henson's henchmen.

[6:53] I'd like to point out.

[6:54] Jim Henson.

[6:55] I would like to point out how clearly I've spoken for the rest of the night so far.

[6:58] I'm impressed.

[6:59] Look, I've been waiting this long to make fun of a mispronunciation review.

[7:04] No, this is.

[7:05] This is the new one.

[7:06] This is the new one.

[7:07] And by this year, I mean last year because I forgot for a second it's 2015.

[7:10] Produced by Michael Bay, not directed by Michael Bay.

[7:12] But you wouldn't know that to watch it.

[7:15] Directed by a guy who.

[7:17] What did he make?

[7:18] He made the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, A New Beginning.

[7:20] He made Darkness Falls.

[7:22] There were some newer ones.

[7:24] That L.A. movie about aliens.

[7:26] Yes.

[7:27] Battle L.A.?

[7:28] Yeah.

[7:29] Battle of the Year L.A.?

[7:31] He had a name that sounded like John Lieberman.

[7:34] His name was Jonathan Liebesman.

[7:36] Okay.

[7:37] Liebesman?

[7:38] Love man, I guess is what he means in German.

[7:40] So he's made a lot of movies, is what you're saying.

[7:43] Yeah, it starred a bunch of turtles and Megan Fox.

[7:45] A bunch of turtles.

[7:47] So you made it sound like it's Megan Fox with a shoebox full of turtles.

[7:52] And she just shakes it at bad guys.

[7:56] Does this do anything?

[7:58] It kind of weirds me out.

[8:01] You're creeped out.

[8:03] So this movie flashes us back to a time

[8:06] when the biggest danger that America was facing was ninjas.

[8:09] Yeah, we all remember the 1980s

[8:11] until Giuliani came in and cleaned the city of ninjas.

[8:14] There was the Broken Ninjas Theory.

[8:17] Broken Ninjas Theory, yeah.

[8:20] American Ninja.

[8:21] There was the three ninjas who were kicking back.

[8:23] They're actually kicking back against crime.

[8:25] Yeah, yeah.

[8:26] Most of the crime was probably ninjas, right?

[8:28] Wait, what?

[8:29] The three ninjas movies.

[8:30] Were the other bad guys ninjas?

[8:32] I didn't watch them.

[8:33] They might have been mummies.

[8:34] I don't know.

[8:35] What about the bad guys and sidekicks?

[8:36] You've got to fight ninjas with ninjas.

[8:37] The bad guys and sidekicks are karate guys, but they're not ninjas.

[8:40] Okay.

[8:41] They have honor still,

[8:42] unlike ninjas who are soulless assassins

[8:44] who do not live a life of honor,

[8:46] but instead creep through the shadows

[8:48] rather than facing their opponents in open warfare

[8:51] as Bushido demands.

[8:55] I feel like you're tempting me to talk about samurais or something.

[8:58] Kind of.

[8:59] Or samurai.

[9:00] Thank you.

[9:01] That's what I wanted.

[9:02] Should we talk about what this movie is about, Dan?

[9:04] Let's talk about it.

[9:05] I mean, the title kind of tells you most of what you need to know.

[9:07] There's some ninja turtles in it.

[9:09] Are they natural?

[9:10] They're mutants.

[9:11] What age are they?

[9:12] Well, it's kind of like boyhood.

[9:13] They're teenagers.

[9:14] And here's the thing.

[9:15] This movie was surprisingly like boyhood

[9:17] in that we saw a lot of these turtles growing up.

[9:20] And having an abusive drunk dad.

[9:24] That half of it's boyhood.

[9:26] Spoiler alert.

[9:27] The movie came out already.

[9:28] Anyway.

[9:29] Spoiler alert for the worst part of boyhood.

[9:32] Skip over.

[9:33] Spoiler alert, the kid gets older.

[9:35] Anyway, so...

[9:38] I wish that movie had...

[9:40] He had shot it for 12 years with the same cast,

[9:42] but he had shot a scene with the kid when he was young

[9:45] to go at the end where the kid wakes up and goes,

[9:47] I'm still a kid.

[9:48] It was all a beautiful dream.

[9:51] And then it says, the end, question mark.

[9:54] And then it says, boy will return in boyhood 2.

[10:00] Boyhoods last forever

[10:02] Not like manhood. I thought manhood would be the obvious manhood sounds kind of creepy

[10:06] It's like a movie about a penis not when I say I spent 12 years shooting with the same penis every weekend

[10:13] I've been doing this. I've been doing this porn movie for 12 years

[10:17] Every watching is it's terribly watching as a penis ages from a beautiful specimen of penis to a droopy set

[10:26] Testicles, I mean I was impressed by the technical skill that it took to shoot the same sex scene over 12 years

[10:33] So they aged naturally throughout the scene, but ultimately it was kind of a gimmick, you know

[10:38] So this movie was called

[10:40] There were there were no sex scenes in it

[10:43] No, although Michelangelo really hit on Megan Fox a lot a lot and at the end of the movie

[10:49] She's kind of into it

[10:50] She's I mean she seems as into it as let's say Lea Thompson ever seems to be into Howard the duck. Yeah

[10:57] Together no, yeah, they totally do it. Do they pulls out that duck condom?

[11:01] No, she's like what he's asleep and then probably applies it

[11:05] He's asleep at the time. She looks through his wall. Somebody right on the duck condom and she goes

[11:09] Oh somebody get George Lucas on the phone

[11:12] We got a Howard the duck question to ask or if you have a Ouija board Steve Gerber

[11:16] I mean they tell us as you

[11:18] Comics. Yeah. Well as you're saying in the movie

[11:21] It seems to make more sense for her to have sex with Michelangelo the turtle man

[11:25] Then will Arnett the human man who is also hitting on her now

[11:30] Let's explain what this movie is about the movie opens with our favorite thing a prologue that explains everything

[11:35] You're about to see in the movie

[11:36] It seems the concept of Ninja Turtles who live in the sewer and have a rat for a dad

[11:40] Was too complicated for us to figure out on our own

[11:43] So there's a kind of Sin City animated section of sukiyaki Django

[11:49] prologue where they explain that basically

[11:53] Yeah, like an icebox calm level of flash animation being like Ninja Turtles like an early adult swim

[11:59] Yeah, exactly, but then we get into the meat of the story the turtle meat that is

[12:05] Have I turtle meat? Yes delicious. Anyway, so not mutants though gross, but I kind of sure that cannibalism

[12:11] I don't know technically a different species. He can't make with April. Anyway continuing April O'Neill

[12:17] Megan Fox she works for Channel 6 news

[12:20] And she is investigating the crime wave caused by the foot clan

[12:24] Now even though they're a shadowy clan of ninjas everybody knows about everyone's heard about that

[12:30] Oh this wave of ninjas. They're all like this foot clan is making too much crime. Yeah

[12:36] Thanks to Blasio

[12:39] Just what it is when that socialist got into office suddenly the old ninjas came back

[12:43] Yeah, we got to start start stopping and frisking these ninjas for nunchucks

[12:48] I gotta say if a ninja was walking down the street, that's kind of that's just cause for a police missure

[12:54] He's probably got a terrible ninja at that point

[12:58] Or he's so he's probably doing is he's probably trying to direct the police's attention away from the ninjas creeping up on yeah

[13:04] Cuz let me tell you a ninja who is confident enough to walk down the street in broad daylight is the best ninja in the

[13:09] World exactly if you can see one ninja

[13:11] There's like a hundred more ninjas hidden if as any as any Frank Miller comic book has taught us

[13:16] Yeah, and all those ninjas are gonna jump at you all at once while shooting arrows that you would none of will none of which

[13:20] Will hit you of course

[13:22] But here's the thing with ninjas. We're all aware of this. I'm not the first one to point it out

[13:25] We all know ninjas the strength of ninjas decreases with each added ninja one ninja

[13:30] Will kill you a hundred ninjas pretty easy to fight you can get away from Maisie

[13:36] Partly because they all wait their turn while they each one fights you

[13:40] But anyway, so the foot have they commit a lot of crime down to the docks

[13:44] That's where crime happens and also where unfortunately the city's shipping has been falling since the 1950s

[13:49] Once a vital part of the metropolitan economy shipping and transit manufacturing in general

[13:55] Yeah longer a part of this is really like this is the wire. This is the portrait of how yeah

[14:00] Institutions have failed to say I was watching season two of the wire. I was like where are the ninjas and the turtles?

[14:08] Enough of this corrupt Union yeah, get some ninja turtles in here get Amy Ryan to befriend for turtles

[14:16] What if Amy Ryan had been April O'Neill I would have loved this movie

[14:23] So more enthusiastic thoughts, so we're about one minute into the movie

[14:27] Anyway April O'Neill is obsessed with these crimes

[14:30] She's trying to investigate him

[14:31] But she's having trouble because she's like the goofy light story reporter at Channel 6 news the only story we see her professionally cover involves

[14:38] Some sort of Union Square area trampoline contest a lot of train might be Madison Square

[14:43] It might be the Madison Square the whole movie was shot in Quebec, so it doesn't really matter

[14:46] She just jumps on a trampoline a lot

[14:48] And I guess if you report was Megan Fox you probably would send her out to cover the jumping on a trampoline story

[14:53] I mean yeah there. I guess yeah that they're there. She's on the man show beat

[14:57] I yeah, that's yeah

[14:58] And she uh her cameraman is Will Arnett as and I did not realize this until the last minute of the movie

[15:04] Fenwick the cameraman from the Ninja Turtles cartoon, so uh it makes me wonder. Where's Irma I?

[15:10] Don't know anything about the Ninja Turtles Baxter Stockman mentioned in the credits. Where's he and is he a single mother or a fly man?

[15:17] Yeah

[15:18] There were no leather heads or be bobs

[15:21] Not a single mum-rah was that a Ninja Turtles character probably yeah, there were no battle toads

[15:27] No, were there any adolescent black belt radioactive ham what about cowboys?

[15:30] No gargamel no cowboys of moon Mesa or any other Mesa and biker mice neither from Mars nor Terran

[15:38] There were a lot of ripoffs the Ninja Turtles no sure take it take an animal make them do human stuff

[15:43] Yeah, you haven't talked about the street Sharks

[15:46] That's really. Thank you. Yeah. Thank you

[15:50] Is that all you had to say about him?

[15:52] No, pretty much. I mean

[15:56] No

[15:57] Capital critters

[15:59] No, no no no and no what about the wuzzle the wuzzles one of those could you have sex with a wuzzle?

[16:06] Well the wuzzle is two species put together, so they're already breaking the laws of mating and New York, so that's anyway

[16:14] April is obsessed with this ninja crime story

[16:16] She's trying to cover it and one night while wandering the Brooklyn probably Gowanus area

[16:20] She sees a bunch of ninjas stealing something from a shipping container and an unseen vigilante

[16:26] Starts throwing shipping containers around and just hurling them at these ninjas who?

[16:30] Haltail out of that area and like any good reporter. She uses her shitty phone to try and get

[16:37] picture yeah, they get blurry picture of someone running away and

[16:42] Someone or something

[16:44] Yeah, this is a turtle man. Yeah, anyway. She then goes nobody believes her that the foot cleaner being attacked by vigilance

[16:50] Is it a whoopee Goldberg who plays her boss and the whole movie? I'm not nobody Elliot. She used to be a big star

[16:57] She played God in a little bit of heaven. She was guy Nan

[17:04] Thank you

[17:05] The whole move the whole time I kept being like dude you were partnered up as cops with a talking dinosaur

[17:10] Do not you if anyone's gonna believe this Ninja Turtle story. It is you whoopsie Goldberg. She put that all behind her Elliot I

[17:18] Was about to say whoopie Goldman, and I thought what if we'll be Goldman and William Goldman were married

[17:23] and

[17:24] He was like tonight for movie night. Why don't we watch butch Cassidy?

[17:27] And she's like why don't we watch fletch, and they just would have their own movies. They wanted to show the other all the time

[17:32] We'll be Goldberg isn't in fletch

[17:35] Sure, she isn't my version of it anyway

[17:37] I was thinking of I I was thinking of jumping jack flash, okay, or jump jack fletch the crossover

[17:43] Which will be Goldberg and Chevy chaser in a jumping jacks competition only one can win and the other will die

[17:51] So anyway

[17:53] Megan Fox is also her dad was a scientist who worked at a company called TGRI with fellow scientist Eric Sachs played of course by

[18:02] William Thickner the man who screams. I'm the villain of the movie

[18:08] Not since Max von Saito appeared in the opening of Minority Report has it been so obvious who the villain is

[18:14] Because when you cast a man whose face looks like a lizard man

[18:19] Great actor oh yeah face like a lizard

[18:22] Elevates everything he's in

[18:24] He has olives to it villains. Yeah, he's big on the Mediterranean

[18:30] So anyway, it's clear. He's the villain, but anyway

[18:32] She there it's shredder someone we haven't seen we just seem to shadow at this point in order to draw out the vigilant mysterious

[18:40] But at this point just a ninja bald ninja man. Yeah, right who is very who's called the shredder for some reason

[18:45] That's the thing he doesn't have any blades yet, but they call him the shredder, and I have to assume. It's because of his abs

[18:53] That he has like a well he has like a workout routine called the shredder

[18:57] So you are you mad with your abs want a six-pack an eight-pack use the shredder workout, where is he from?

[19:06] Probably like Venice Beach, okay

[19:08] And the movie is from Japan, but he's from that part of Japan where he sometimes speaks Japanese and sometimes English and

[19:14] At one point he says tonight. I dine on turtle soup, but he says it turtle a soup

[19:20] Do not tell me that the Japanese words for turtle soup our turtle soup with the Japanese accent

[19:26] They don't have a word for soup in their language, how does Japan not have a native word for soup?

[19:32] If it was like videotape, okay, maybe

[19:36] Turtles and soup they have those

[19:39] Their rivers are infested with turtle spirits with bowls of liquid on their head that they bow the liquid comes out units and escape

[19:46] Kappas, thank you

[19:48] You know like the frats Kappas anyway, so

[19:51] Shred they shredder tries to draw the Ninja Turtles by taking hostage bunch of people at subway station

[19:56] The turtle Megan Fox is there because why not it's a movie

[20:00] The turtles show up, save the day, but then run away.

[20:02] Megan Fox chases them to a rooftop, takes a picture of them.

[20:05] Uh-oh.

[20:08] They try to intimidate her.

[20:10] Once again, she is left with, they delete the picture.

[20:13] She's left with no evidence, but we had a quick glance

[20:15] at the personalities of our four heroes.

[20:17] Stuart, what are their names, what are they like?

[20:18] Well, there's Michelangelo, he's a party dude.

[20:21] There's Raphael, he's cool, but rude.

[20:25] There's Donatello, he does machines,

[20:28] and I think there's another boring one, I don't remember.

[20:31] You son of a bitch.

[20:32] You goddamn son of a bitch.

[20:35] McCoy the turtle?

[20:36] You motherfucker.

[20:37] Yeah, like Blue Turtle, I think they called him.

[20:40] I think they called him Boro, Boro the lame guy.

[20:44] Anyway, Leonardo, he's the leader of the group.

[20:47] So this is when we realize

[20:48] that they're not just awesome superheroes,

[20:50] they're also teenagers with cool personalities.

[20:52] And they act like teenagers, and I will say one thing.

[20:54] And this is a scene where the camera

[20:55] just starts spinning all over the place.

[20:58] They just taped that camera to a Roomba or a quadcopter.

[21:02] They got a laser sealant in there, you know?

[21:05] Just spinning around.

[21:06] They just strapped that thing to a cat's head,

[21:09] taped that cat to a bat, and just let it do its work.

[21:13] And they saw the prom scene from Carrie,

[21:15] and they're like, oh, this is how movies are made.

[21:17] It's always just spinning, it's all spinning.

[21:20] Spin that movie.

[21:21] It felt like the opening of Irreversible.

[21:22] I had to look away so I didn't get motion sick.

[21:26] Wow, all right, that brought everybody down.

[21:29] Anyway, but they act like real teenagers,

[21:31] which is to say the turtles are irritating.

[21:35] Let's cut to the chase.

[21:38] April and O'Neil tries to convince

[21:39] Whoopsie Goldberg one more time that the turtles are real.

[21:43] She is fired for her efforts.

[21:45] And at home, she realizes that, hey, wait a minute.

[21:48] Her dad, when he was a scientist

[21:50] before he died in a mysterious lab fire,

[21:52] was working on some kind of serum

[21:54] he was injecting into four turtles

[21:57] as a little girl she used to feed pizza to

[21:59] and named Leonardo, Michelangelo, Raphael, and Donatello.

[22:02] And there was also a rat, I think, in that lab.

[22:05] That's an incredible coincidence.

[22:07] It is an incredible coincidence, Dan, only in Hollywood.

[22:10] In real life, reporters are rarely directly related

[22:13] to the Ninja Turtles they cover.

[22:14] In fact, in many ways, it would be unethical

[22:18] of her to cover this story.

[22:19] She's simply too close to the subjects.

[22:22] So she, the turtles track her down.

[22:25] They bring her down to the sewers.

[22:28] At first, she goes to Eric Sachs' estate,

[22:30] which is enormous.

[22:31] It is somehow a short drive from autumn New York,

[22:34] and yet in the snow-covered mountains.

[22:36] Yeah.

[22:37] He lives in some kind of walled compound.

[22:39] He lives in Tibet, apparently.

[22:40] Yeah.

[22:41] It's a quick drive to Tibet, where, as we'll later find out,

[22:45] is nothing but vertiginous cliffs

[22:47] and plenty of room for truck chasing.

[22:49] Yeah.

[22:50] And plenty of room for truck chasing.

[22:52] Mm-hmm.

[22:53] But she talks to him.

[22:54] He is very evil, and he reveals that he grew up in Japan,

[22:57] the mixed-race son, I assume mixed-race son,

[23:00] of an American GI lost in Vietnam,

[23:02] and some woman he never mentions anything about,

[23:06] and that a mysterious ninja, I guess,

[23:10] led him up, taught him karate,

[23:12] and taught him about an ancient serum.

[23:14] And he's also the first one who believes her story, right?

[23:17] Yeah, well, he seems to believe it.

[23:19] He talks to her, there was an ancient serum

[23:20] that they're trying to rediscover

[23:22] that was a cure for anything.

[23:24] We have moved, at this point,

[23:26] into the exposition portion of the film.

[23:29] Oh, doctor!

[23:31] And I mean Dr. Exposition.

[23:34] But anyway, April O'Neil is captured by the turtles.

[23:37] They take her to their sewer hideout,

[23:39] which, yes, does have some kind of skateboard track.

[23:42] Earlier, we've seen them be punished by Splinter

[23:45] for going out into public,

[23:47] and his tail is like a serpent on his butt

[23:50] that he can use to whip at people,

[23:51] much like a real rat uses their tail as a bullwhip.

[23:54] And his face looks oddly phallic.

[23:57] It's like if they saw Joe Camel,

[23:59] and they were like, I guess that's penis-ish.

[24:03] Can we dick that up about 79%?

[24:06] No, no, let's hang it, can we make it look real moist,

[24:09] like real moist?

[24:09] Let's hang a fucking gross mustache off it, please.

[24:11] Let's hang some kind of like

[24:12] drippy Fu Manchu mustache on that.

[24:15] He can like whip it around,

[24:17] just like have just like goo fly off of it.

[24:19] Yeah, there's a scene where he is tempting Michelangelo

[24:22] with a slice of pizza that is horrifying.

[24:26] And April, who should be,

[24:28] when confronted with this sight,

[24:29] there is no proper response but to vomit.

[24:32] She does not, she holds her lunch,

[24:34] and she does, you know, she says,

[24:36] oh great, you're my turtles, or whatever.

[24:38] Anyway, and they explain again.

[24:39] Hey, long time no see, what have you been up to?

[24:41] Even though it was explained already in the movie,

[24:44] Splinter explains that they,

[24:46] she freed them from the lab during the fire,

[24:48] because I guess this little girl

[24:49] was running around the lab on fire.

[24:51] Nobody knew about it.

[24:52] And freed them by setting them on a sewer grate.

[24:54] That's when the mutagen kicked in,

[24:56] the special serum, and made them man animals.

[24:58] And Splinter, looking for something to use

[25:00] to discipline the turtles who are,

[25:02] not a joke, busy dancing to Hollaback Girl.

[25:07] Better yet, no, it's not just that he wants to discipline them,

[25:09] he wants, he's worried that they love teenage stuff,

[25:13] but he knows they will never be accepted

[25:15] by the world out there.

[25:16] So he needs to teach them a way to protect themselves.

[25:19] He's worried about them.

[25:20] And so, he finds a book on ninjitsu,

[25:23] teaches himself how to be a ninja master.

[25:25] And it's super slim, it's like a fuckin' little magazine.

[25:27] It's like a brochure.

[25:28] Yeah, as a ninja pamphlet.

[25:30] It looks like the book that like you,

[25:31] where it's like, learn to be a ninja,

[25:33] we'll teach you how,

[25:34] send away for our free introductory book.

[25:36] And then they start making you pay a lot for the book

[25:37] about being invisible or breathing underwater

[25:39] and stuff like that.

[25:41] But he, it's enough in the book to teach him

[25:43] how to be a ninja.

[25:45] He teaches them.

[25:46] They do great.

[25:48] And the Foot Clan attacks their underwater sewer base.

[25:52] I don't remember how-

[25:53] I don't think you've mentioned the fact that,

[25:54] so, in the time that April has been a little girl to now,

[25:59] which is, I don't know, maybe 15 years, maybe,

[26:02] she is, you know, she's just a young woman,

[26:04] but he is ancient.

[26:05] He is an ancient rat man.

[26:07] They must have been experimenting on like a 75-year-old rat.

[26:12] Because in that amount of time,

[26:13] he's gone from a rat to an old man.

[26:14] The turtles have aged in real time.

[26:16] And actually, there's one,

[26:17] the stuff I liked the best in it actually

[26:18] was seeing the young turtles.

[26:20] But there's one adorable scene

[26:21] where just all the baby turtles

[26:23] are just swaddled on a counter

[26:25] and Splinter's just kind of patting each of them on the head.

[26:28] As you do to a baby,

[26:29] because the head is the part

[26:30] that's best able to take a hard pat.

[26:32] Especially on a fucking turtle.

[26:34] Yeah.

[26:36] So you liked it as a bildungsroman

[26:38] about these young turtles

[26:40] finding their way in the world.

[26:41] The real sorrows of young turtle, yeah.

[26:45] Coming of age, a coming of age tale.

[26:48] Yeah, it was a regular turtle hood boyhood, et cetera.

[26:50] Anyway, Shredder and the ninjas arrive.

[26:54] By this point, we already know

[26:55] that Fickner is working with Shredder.

[26:57] He shows him what he calls,

[26:59] and their plan is totally stupid and we'll get to it.

[27:01] But he shows him what he calls the future of warfare,

[27:04] which is a Shredder suit with so many blades on it.

[27:07] I don't know how he puts it on without killing himself.

[27:10] Well, the thing is, he never takes it off

[27:12] after he puts it on the first time.

[27:13] Because he's worried.

[27:16] He does everything.

[27:16] One wrong step and every artery in his body is just slashed.

[27:19] I mean, he looks like Edward Scissor-everything.

[27:22] Yeah, yeah.

[27:23] Except he has these like bayonet blades sticking out of him

[27:26] and he can shoot them as projectiles

[27:27] and then use a magnet to pull them right back to him.

[27:30] So don't buy him new blades, I guess.

[27:32] He never loses them.

[27:33] Get him something else for Christmas.

[27:37] Anyway.

[27:38] Like blade oil or like?

[27:39] Something to shine him up with, yeah.

[27:41] Sure.

[27:42] I guess I don't get him clothes or like really big ones or?

[27:44] Turtle wax.

[27:46] You gotta give him a T-shirt big enough

[27:47] to go over the blades.

[27:49] Yeah, or buy him a book like that Wild or something.

[27:51] You know, something that'll inspire him.

[27:52] Wild or something?

[27:53] The book about Gene Wilder or something?

[27:57] The book gives you a choice.

[27:59] It's Wilder or something.

[28:01] It's like that Mr. Payback or whatever it's called movie.

[28:04] Yeah, exactly.

[28:05] With the robot that you got to choose what he does.

[28:06] Choose your own thing.

[28:07] Do you want to read about Gene Wilder

[28:09] or do you want to read about something?

[28:12] It's like that Daniel Lusky novel

[28:13] where you have to flip the fucking thing over

[28:15] to read it the other way.

[28:16] Sure.

[28:17] Yeah, House of Leaves, yeah, yeah.

[28:18] Anyway.

[28:19] Anyway, Shredder beats the crap out of Splinter

[28:22] and I thought they kidnapped him

[28:23] but apparently they just left him lying in the sewers.

[28:25] But they kidnapped the Toidles

[28:27] to bring him back to the lab.

[28:28] At that point, Elliot,

[28:29] I think you were using the restroom.

[28:30] But at this point, Shredder beats up Splinter,

[28:33] they capture three of the Ninja Turtles,

[28:35] they leave, they blow up the entire den.

[28:39] They think Raphael is dead, he's under a bunch of rubble.

[28:41] And I guess they just forget about April O'Neil.

[28:44] A big piece of New York City infrastructure.

[28:46] Those are sewage tunnels.

[28:48] I have to assume they're not in use much

[28:49] because otherwise the turtles would drown regularly.

[28:52] They get away with a lot of stuff in these ninjas.

[28:55] I believe, it's hard to believe,

[28:56] it's one thing for ninjas to steal things at shipping docks,

[28:58] nobody cares what happens over there.

[29:00] A can shows up with 12 dead girls in it,

[29:03] only the wire cares.

[29:06] But if they blow up part of the sewer,

[29:09] well, that's a Javier Bardem level villainy.

[29:13] About two minutes later, they cut back to the den.

[29:16] There's no damage.

[29:17] And April O'Neil and Raphael and Master Splinter

[29:20] are just hanging out.

[29:21] Yeah, just playing a game, playing Scrabble.

[29:23] That's what you missed.

[29:24] Okay, well, thank you.

[29:25] Well, they stole the turtles because this serum,

[29:27] this amazing magic healing serum is in the turtles' blood.

[29:31] And here's their plan.

[29:32] This ooze, if you will.

[29:34] This ooze, the secret of which is, it's in the blood.

[29:37] Talking about the family, it's in the blood.

[29:39] It's a London Beats song.

[29:40] Anyway, so nobody remembers that band.

[29:42] Anyway, so here's the thing, here's their plan.

[29:45] They've got some big poison toxin.

[29:47] They're gonna set it off on top of a tall building,

[29:50] killing much of New York.

[29:51] Then, they're gonna show up with a serum

[29:54] that happens to be the perfect antidote

[29:55] and be like, hey, we saved everybody.

[29:57] Give us money, please.

[29:59] Somehow, that's gonna get there.

[30:00] If the foot control over New York, that part is kind of glossed over a little bit.

[30:03] I understand. It feels like maybe the CDC would take over that point and be like,

[30:07] I'm sorry, we're going to take your serum.

[30:09] The elected officials like that.

[30:11] I don't know why. It's like there's poison.

[30:13] I guess the best ninja boss with the coolest costume becomes mayor.

[30:17] Here's your money, sir.

[30:18] The city charter, I guess, when they founded the town and put this in,

[30:23] it's an old New Amsterdam law says right here in case of emergency,

[30:28] ye olde bestest super suit is officially ye's mayor.

[30:34] I don't know why it's written in crappy old English.

[30:36] Yeah, I don't know. Someone faking old English.

[30:39] That's what I was doing. Yep. Anyway.

[30:42] Anyway, the plan's brilliant.

[30:44] And so what's the foot plane going to get out of this?

[30:47] They're going to be in charge of New York.

[30:48] They're going to be in charge of New York.

[30:49] I don't know, like health insurance.

[30:51] Saks is going to get a lot of money because Saks, of course, the villain is Jewish.

[30:55] Thanks, Hollywood.

[30:56] But anyway, we don't even see the turtles celebrating Hanukkah to balance

[31:00] that with a positive portrayal of a Jewish person.

[31:03] Anyway, so the turtles are getting their blood sucked out of them.

[31:08] And Raphael, April and Will Arnett have to crash through the gates of the Saks estate

[31:15] because, of course, his secret hideout is his house.

[31:18] And again, in in Iceland, in Iceland, this is like he must he's like a Friesmeister or something.

[31:24] He is a Friesmeister.

[31:26] Yeah. Is that just a German Mr.

[31:28] Fries? Yeah.

[31:29] They changed it to Mr.

[31:30] Fries when they came to Ellis Island from the old country.

[31:34] Your name is Mr. Fries.

[31:35] No, no. Ich bin Johann Friesmeister.

[31:37] No, no. All right. Mr. Fries.

[31:39] You're John Mr. Fries.

[31:40] There you go. Keep moving along.

[31:41] Keep moving along.

[31:43] Welcome to America.

[31:44] Here's your starter kit.

[31:46] One little American flag, a bald eagle feather, a piece of American cheese

[31:51] and a DVD copy of American History X.

[31:56] Welcome to our country.

[31:57] Vote for Boss Tweed.

[31:58] Thanks. My my name is Shredder.

[32:01] No, your name is Sam Jones now.

[32:04] Enjoy it. I'm a I'm a Ninja Turtle.

[32:08] You're a factory worker now, but but I'm only a teenager.

[32:13] Yeah, it's the working age is seven.

[32:16] So that's not an excuse.

[32:17] Don't go to school. We don't have any.

[32:20] Ralph, April and the other guy are able to save the turtles by injecting them

[32:25] with a big canister of adrenaline that just happens to be standing nearby

[32:28] and is already hooked up to the machine.

[32:30] Just for fun.

[32:31] Shredder is fighting Raphael and where Shredder had a fight on his hands

[32:35] with Splinter here.

[32:36] He easily bests the cocky, sarcastic Raphael, who is less sarcastic

[32:40] than a jerk throughout most of the movie.

[32:42] He's doing like a Christian Bale Batman kind of thing more so.

[32:46] He's yelling to McGee all the time.

[32:48] McGee, Shredder's in my life, McGee.

[32:51] I like you're describing it as he's yelling to McGee.

[32:54] That's what Christian Bale is doing.

[32:56] He's yelling to someone on a different movie.

[32:59] McGee, what are you doing?

[33:01] Directing not this movie that way.

[33:03] Yeah. Stop making Torque 2.

[33:06] Wait, do you make Torque 1?

[33:07] He did not make Torque.

[33:09] No, that doesn't mean you can't make Torque 2.

[33:12] There's no law against that.

[33:14] It's not like Johnny Torque has dibs on the sequel.

[33:16] That's right. There is nothing in the rulebook that says that McGee can't direct Torque 2.

[33:22] I'll allow it.

[33:23] Yeah, you're right.

[33:25] Anyway, Shredder and Saks go to release the poison,

[33:30] because, of course, the poison that will kill all of New York

[33:32] has to be released by Shredder personally, with Shredder

[33:36] standing right under the canister and Saks a couple floors down.

[33:40] On top of a tall building out in the open where everyone can see.

[33:43] Yeah. And Shredder has not taken off his super suit.

[33:46] No. Which I would think would get in the way of using a fucking laptop.

[33:50] No. Well, you have to imagine him sitting in a helicopter wearing that,

[33:53] just bumping into everybody, slashing their face up and everything.

[33:56] Sweaty. So sweaty inside that thing.

[33:59] Oh, yeah. It recycles that sweat into blade oil.

[34:01] It's very shiny, so it reflects a lot of light and heat.

[34:03] Yeah. Yeah, but it's metal, so it also takes it in.

[34:07] Yeah, yeah. But it's that new metal.

[34:09] All right.

[34:12] Anyway, that doesn't get people hot.

[34:14] From Germany?

[34:15] Yeah, it's it's grinds core death.

[34:17] Sure. Death horror.

[34:19] And there's some rap elements to it.

[34:23] They go to the building and like every movie ever made in action movies

[34:26] in Hollywood, they're on a roof and they've got to stop a bad guy

[34:29] from releasing a thing.

[34:31] Just like in Sherlock Holmes.

[34:33] Just like in The Avengers.

[34:34] Just like in what other what other recent movies?

[34:36] Amazing Spider-Man.

[34:37] Just like in Amazing Spider-Man.

[34:39] Just like in Poisoned Tall Building.

[34:42] The movie. The movie.

[34:44] Rated R is playing.

[34:46] What about Ghostbusters?

[34:47] Ghostbusters? Yeah, they're on.

[34:49] But I mean, that was 30 years ago.

[34:50] That was a new thing.

[34:51] Then people didn't even know you could make movies on rooftops.

[34:53] Yeah, it's like when Akira Kurosawa made.

[34:56] They're like, is there air up there?

[34:58] And they said, yeah, Kevin Bacon in air up there.

[35:01] The air up there.

[35:01] You know, that move basketball movie that hasn't been made yet.

[35:04] That hasn't been made yet.

[35:05] But it's been in development hell for 15 years, I assume.

[35:08] Anyway, they were looking for the right star, Kevin Bacon.

[35:11] Anyway, it's like when Akira Kurosawa made Seven Samurai and his producers

[35:15] said, you cannot point a camera at the sun, it will melt all our eyes.

[35:19] And he says, I'm doing it.

[35:20] And he did.

[35:21] And cinema was forever and never the same again.

[35:25] It's just like that.

[35:26] And then years later, J.J.

[35:27] Abrams with lens flares.

[35:29] Yeah. So there you go.

[35:32] Direct line. Direct line from Akira Kurosawa and Seven Samurai to J.J.

[35:35] Abrams lens flares.

[35:37] So where are the lens flares in like Wii Sports?

[35:40] What were you saying, Stuart?

[35:42] We're just wondering where we're at in the movie.

[35:43] Almost the end. Almost.

[35:45] God, blessedly, we're very close to the end.

[35:48] Thank you, Brian.

[35:50] So when does Crane show up?

[35:52] Blessedly. Yeah, Brian Blessed flies in with all his winged soldiers

[35:56] just yelling at the turtles. Yeah.

[35:59] Anyway, so the turtles show up as turtles are one.

[36:01] Oh, no, I missed the truck chase down a there's a there's a truck

[36:05] down a snowy mountain in New York state.

[36:08] I guess they drove up to Great Gorge or some shit.

[36:10] And the because the people in New York aren't even wearing jackets.

[36:15] Yeah. In New York City, it is either if it's a winter.

[36:19] Global warming has hit hard.

[36:21] People are just walking around in regular summer street clothes,

[36:23] maybe a light like a hoodie, maybe.

[36:26] Or like one of those zip up hoodies with no or some kind of ninja suit.

[36:29] Maybe you're walking around people.

[36:30] It is so it is not so cold that you can't just walk around

[36:33] in a short sleeved ninja costume.

[36:35] But they have this truck battle where they're jumping on trucks

[36:38] and trucks are crashing under trucks, sledding on their backs,

[36:41] sliding under trucks, sliding around trucks.

[36:43] And there are so many points in this where you are just watching polygons

[36:47] flying around on a screen.

[36:48] And if you're under the age of 19, you cannot even see it.

[36:51] It just you cannot decode what is happening before your eyes,

[36:55] especially if you especially if you're like us watching it.

[36:58] You know, digital streaming.

[37:00] There's a lot of on like, yeah, yeah.

[37:02] It might as well just be pixels flying at your face.

[37:04] Anti aliased. It is heavily aliased.

[37:07] The I mean, this is what it must feel like when someone is standing

[37:11] in front of a magic eye poster and they cannot unhook their eyes.

[37:15] And they're like, I know there's a star or a dolphin or a turtle

[37:18] or a rainbow in here, and I cannot see it.

[37:21] I knew there were a bunch of heroes in the half shell avoiding trucks,

[37:24] breaking hearts, taking names and kicking ass.

[37:26] And I couldn't figure out what was going on.

[37:30] And a problem with this movie is that it's everything moves so fast

[37:33] and the turtles are so animated that it's hard to follow them

[37:37] even when they're just talking and their voices kind of don't sound

[37:40] like they're coming out of their bodies.

[37:41] So it took me a long time to be like, oh, the turtles are like making jokes

[37:44] right now, like I didn't even realize I could have trouble

[37:46] following the dialogue at times.

[37:48] Yeah. And that's the point that you should be excited about the movie,

[37:50] not the points where people are just doing exposition all day long.

[37:54] Yeah. All day long in the hot sun.

[37:57] So they don't they also don't have particularly distinctive voices

[38:01] like they Johnny Knoxville's, not a distinctive voice.

[38:04] Dan, Johnny Knoxville does.

[38:06] Leonardo is Johnny Knoxville.

[38:08] You got you got Tony Shalhoub is splinter.

[38:10] But otherwise, like, well, there's a neither went the way of like

[38:13] Tello is nerdy. Michelangelo is a party dude.

[38:15] Raphael is bright.

[38:16] Get their person.

[38:17] No, but that comes through in their voices.

[38:19] I'm just like they they didn't they neither went the direction

[38:22] of like getting famous people to do it or the direction of getting

[38:25] the real turtle voices to get it.

[38:27] Once in a cartoon show, getting if it's good enough for

[38:30] a Canadian voice actors like they could have gotten genuine voice actors

[38:34] who are good at doing voice like Drew Barrymore.

[38:37] Hey, it's me. I'm Michelangelo.

[38:39] There you go.

[38:40] Kyle's pizza time.

[38:42] Stewart, if you're doing this, that's your Michelangelo.

[38:44] What's your Donatello?

[38:46] It's me. I'm Donatello. I'm a nerd.

[38:48] OK, what's your Raphael?

[38:50] Hey, it's me, Dan McCoy.

[38:51] I got it. I said Raphael.

[38:53] I got to say, your Michelangelo sounds an awful lot like my Seabiscuit.

[38:57] Hey, it's me, your old pal Seabiscuit.

[39:00] Gotta go. I'm the most popular horse there ever was.

[39:06] That would be that one horse that Caligula made a senator.

[39:10] I mean, he was very unpopular.

[39:12] No, no. He won those people over.

[39:16] Rome loved him by the end of it.

[39:19] But he did sound like Seabiscuit.

[39:21] I'm a senator now.

[39:22] Oh, more votes for me.

[39:25] That's what I vote for.

[39:26] My owner. Gotta go.

[39:28] I don't know why you only miss a ghost somewhere.

[39:30] That's the thing about this.

[39:32] He's a very busy horse.

[39:34] Hear the voices. I would have done.

[39:36] He's glad huffing everybody.

[39:37] Leonardo, hey, pizza pie.

[39:39] Raphael. It's me, Raphael.

[39:42] Oh, Donatello.

[39:44] Hey, guys, me, Donatello.

[39:45] And of course, Michelangelo.

[39:48] Well, it's me, Michelangelo.

[39:50] Someone's going to jail, old man, and it's not going to be me.

[39:54] Perfect. Perfect stuff.

[39:56] Madeline, Madeline, I want you to wear your hair.

[40:00] It's a the lady wants a gray suit with a rectangle neck cut the gentle the Ninja Turtle certainly knows what he wants

[40:07] I don't want to wear it Michelangelo, but if that's the way you want me to do it Michelangelo

[40:13] I'll dress that way Ninja Turtles got a really psychosexual

[40:16] Judy Judy it can't matter to you. It can't matter to you what you how you dress do it for me

[40:22] Do it for me Judy all right Michelangelo. This is a really great Brett bad impressions podcast

[40:30] Saying I thought your sea biscuit was great. Yes. They really captured what sea biscuits sounded like

[40:38] So anyway, how did this merry Christmas you wonderful old sewer?

[40:43] That's Michelangelo

[40:46] So what happens

[40:48] What happens in this movie?

[40:51] It's about turtles or so they finally show up. They beat shredder. They fight him for a while. They managed to defeat him by

[40:58] Using a trick they used to play as kids where they would hit buckets around by jumping on each other's backs and

[41:05] They stop him from releasing all the poison. I don't even know what happens to sacks

[41:09] He just kind of disappears he gets knocked out, and that's it and then what is just it's like final fight

[41:15] He just turns into meat and they eat him

[41:17] Where's that double dragon?

[41:20] I don't remember both

[41:22] Shredder falls to his head gauntlet they eat him and they go yo

[41:28] And the turtles disappear before anyone sees them even though they were right there in front of everybody

[41:32] but I guess everybody's like there's a bunch of monster ninjas over there walking around and

[41:36] Talking and bantering and making pop culture references

[41:39] And there's like a suit of armor that I think might have a dead guy in it right here

[41:42] Let me stare at this suit of armor and let the knit those those living turtle men aren't that interesting?

[41:47] They're probably all staring at their smartphones Elliot. Yeah, they're all that's true

[41:50] They're all living through their picture lenses and not paying attention to reality

[41:55] Anyway, they all meet up later the Turtles show up in their turtle van because we got to get some more toys to sell in

[42:01] here and

[42:02] Michelangelo accidentally blows up Will Arnett's car with a missile and

[42:07] Michelangelo makes one last creepy sexual bid at April and then plays happy together by the Turtles on his stereo and

[42:15] The end and I believe that song is cut short so that we can hear a new theme song like a rap song about

[42:21] Red sneaks in red in the set shells shell

[42:25] Get shell-shocked Raphael. He's the leader of the group. That's not actually true, but the old rap said that yeah

[42:29] Yeah

[42:30] So we and then I sat through the whole credits waiting for the moment when shredder shows back up again

[42:35] Cuz he's still alive nothing nothing, but that damn paramount mountain just laughing at me for

[42:41] sitting through all those damn CGI credits

[42:44] So we should wrap this up because we're running running long. We're at a venue that

[42:51] so that's

[42:53] Our final judgments was this a good bad movie a bad bad movie or movie you kind of liked sure what you gotta say

[43:00] I'll probably say bad bad

[43:03] It's sure. It's not even that short

[43:07] Okay, great

[43:09] So will our will Arnett makes a play like he makes a try for it. He so the scenes he's in we learn

[43:16] That's a pro

[43:16] He's gonna put his all into it even when it's not good

[43:18] And there's not and all the scenes with the Ninja Turtles are way too hyper when they're like sliding around down those fucking sewers

[43:25] Yeah, I don't know what's going on

[43:30] Sonic the Hedgehog loops like what's going on rings? They're collecting and practically. Yeah, I'm gonna splinters basically old tales. Yeah

[43:40] I'm gonna give this a marginal good bad just because it reminds me of bad movies of my youth like

[43:47] Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are a nostalgia property and in a way this movie is a nostalgia property and in that it reminded me

[43:54] of something like Howard the duck or something there was a certain point when we were watching it that you started getting quiet and not

[43:59] Making fun of the movie as much and then you just started singing

[44:02] They're the world's most fearsome fighting team just under your breath

[44:06] I think you shouted turtle power when they kick shredder off that building. Yeah, what was a mash-up of that and when I was 17

[44:13] Yeah

[44:15] It was a turtle good year

[44:18] But what do you think Elliot? What do you got to say?

[44:19] I gotta say I hope this would be a good bad movie because it's super over-the-top

[44:25] I think it was really a bad bad movie

[44:27] But if you watch it with a bunch of people are gonna make fun of it, maybe it's a good bad

[44:30] I don't know. It's it wasn't too grim

[44:33] Which I liked so three for three

[44:35] I don't think that was what I came to best movie of the year best picture

[44:40] Give that one all the Oscars ever. Sorry wings

[44:48] No wings and also sunshine because there were two best pictures back then nobody counts sunshine

[44:55] And we had a special poetic

[44:58] Whatever like best artistic. That's the word one was special poetic. Whatever. Yeah, I

[45:02] Think it was best artsy fartsy. What's it called?

[45:06] so

[45:07] It's in lieu of letters from listeners as we said before we're gonna do some Q&A with the audience

[45:13] There's a might be a tough song to sing in the audience

[45:19] Is it Q&A

[45:22] We're Q and some A's and A and some Q's

[45:26] Questions from you and you and you and you to you and you and me the answers are here

[45:33] The questions are there

[45:35] Everywhere we all have our hair still we'll lose it someday

[45:42] Question us and you'll get an A for answer and for effort

[45:47] two things that you can get an A and for

[45:52] Calling out around the bell house. Are you ready to ask some questions?

[45:58] The house is here and answers are here for questions at the bell house questions there for Stuart

[46:06] and for Dan McCoy

[46:09] They'll be people asking and people tasking wearing masking tape on their faces for some reason

[46:17] We've got people in of the witch Halloween three questions and answers

[46:23] Let's do it up. Just just start asking your question. Yeah, just get started part two. That's my strategy

[46:31] We all have questions oh

[46:35] Thank you. Thank you

[46:37] Anyone I'll be selling my album out of the trunk of my car after the show

[46:40] We won't have time for all the questions unfortunately, but we'll have time for some

[46:44] So yeah

[46:46] All right, and please as with flap house standard tell us your name, but not your last name all right Dylan

[46:53] Last name with health. Thank you very professionally done. Thank you Dylan, okay?

[46:58] So my friends and I have a tradition where we watch a bad movie drink heavily

[47:02] And then we finger paint our feelings about it, so I would wonder if you guys could give us some suggestions on movies

[47:09] That would make particularly vivid pictures keeping in mind Stuart. We have watched

[47:14] Castle Freak and head of the family sounds like there's a third part of that trilogy

[47:20] That you're a missus well someone removed it from YouTube as you said I won't lie

[47:24] I did think that you were going to say finger bang your feelings about it

[47:30] Why would you ever think that no I just think about I just think about things a lot

[47:38] I

[47:42] Mean I'm gonna throw tango and cash out there just because it's fun. Oh

[47:46] Just it's a no cash then then Cobra. You got here's here's something that will

[47:51] create vivid and horrifying

[47:54] finger pictures

[47:56] the garbage pill kids movie

[48:02] They did that one too, huh well, I think they can teach us more than we could teach them

[48:07] Radio's teaching us

[48:10] Wow so they're you're insulting them

[48:14] They're the radio in this part

[48:16] At best the radio Rahim who gets killed anyway, yes, sir

[48:21] Okay, I can I go okay till I interrupt I would probably say Jim Cotter

[48:26] That's a good one Jim Cotter is a solid. Yeah, I might get some artful

[48:31] karate style whole finger painting

[48:34] Yeah, sure

[48:37] Next question

[48:38] Hello, I'm Seth last name withheld. Hey, Seth. Hey, Seth. Um, so I was born in the year of

[48:44] 1992

[48:48] Meaning I would know what I was doing in 1992 wait in a year for Jurassic Park. I

[48:57] Was born too late for the 80s cartoon and then I was too old when the reboot cartoon happened

[49:03] So you're that lost generation that never got to experience the Turtles

[49:06] Yeah, I guess my question is like what was or is the appeal of the Ninja Turtles as a nostalgia Wow

[49:13] We're talking about this a lot because yeah

[49:15] I think you had the strongest time with the Ninja Turtles when I was a kid

[49:19] I think you wrote the turtle pedia on the internet. I didn't but which has nothing to do with actual turtles

[49:25] I wish like I feel like if somebody had a real turtle problem and they're like

[49:28] I'll look up turtle Wikipedia and they find turtle Pete and they're like, this is all about cartoons

[49:33] Like I guess my turtles die put pizza around the house to draw these pesky turtles

[49:38] Here's the thing when I was a kid. I was all about the Ninja Turtles. Like I was all over them

[49:43] I wasn't yet old enough to really get into I think Marvel Comics. I felt they were like a little too violent for me at the

[49:48] time

[49:50] ever since I saw

[49:53] I

[49:56] Was young go on I saw in a cover of

[50:00] I think it was Jim Lee's first issue on Kenny X-Men, where Colossus is like,

[50:03] Havoc, why did you kill Storm?

[50:05] And I was like, I don't want to know why Storm got killed.

[50:08] Asking Havoc too many questions is dangerous.

[50:11] Is Storm a person?

[50:13] I thought they were robots. I didn't know. Anyway.

[50:16] But there was something about them that was like,

[50:19] really fun. Ninjas are cool. Mutant animals are cool.

[50:22] And for a kid, that cartoon was genuinely funny.

[50:26] And I have to say, it's probably the first thing, aside from Looney Tunes,

[50:29] that I ever saw meta humor in.

[50:32] There was one scene I remember where

[50:34] they're driving in their turtle van to the site of an action sequence.

[50:39] And the music playing is really dramatic, and the turtle driving

[50:42] looks at the camera and is like,

[50:44] Wow, pretty dramatic music. And then keeps driving.

[50:47] And as a kid, that kind of thing blew my mind, because outside of Looney Tunes,

[50:50] which was not a serious cartoon,

[50:52] whereas in this one, it was serious.

[50:55] You didn't see a lot of that. They were like a genuinely really fun thing.

[50:59] And there was a lot of imagination,

[51:02] kind of how the characters were put together,

[51:03] and the kind of foes that they fought, and things like that.

[51:06] And that cartoon ran for a really long time.

[51:08] For a long time. I remember when I was a kid,

[51:10] they released a special statue you could buy

[51:13] to celebrate the fifth anniversary of the Ninja Turtles action figures,

[51:17] because for an action figure line to run five years was a huge thing.

[51:20] And the fact that like,

[51:22] 20 years later, you know, whatever it is,

[51:24] these stupid things are still going around.

[51:27] So you're claiming that longevity is a mark of quality?

[51:30] Because I believe that two and a half men has been around for quite some time.

[51:33] I'm saying that turtles live a very long time.

[51:36] No, but the appeal was that they're super cool ninjas.

[51:42] Hi. Hey.

[51:43] Hey, I was wondering if you could inject yourselves

[51:46] into the worlds of any of the movies that you've flopped before,

[51:50] which one you would like the most.

[51:53] Okay. Into the worlds?

[51:55] Well, not Foodfighter Oogieloogs.

[51:59] Too many Eldritch Horrors.

[52:04] What do you think, Elliot? What would you guys say?

[52:05] Not 10,000 BC. Not 10,000 BC.

[52:07] This is the easy part. Not after Earth.

[52:10] There's a lot of joy to be found in Bratz,

[52:12] but I feel like there's a weird creepiness if I was in that world.

[52:15] That I think you would be arrested. Yeah.

[52:19] Oh, boy. It's tough.

[52:20] Is it weird that the first thing that popped into my head was little bit of heaven?

[52:24] I mean, that's basically like— I'm like, they're in Nolans, dude.

[52:27] They're really sweet. Yeah, you get to hang out.

[52:29] You could just hire Peter Dinklage to hang out with you for a couple hours.

[52:33] The Dink. Yeah.

[52:34] Jesus, I don't know.

[52:36] They're all terrible places to live.

[52:38] I'm going to say Mr. Magorium's Wonder Important.

[52:42] Worst case scenario, you and Natalie Portman are going to go jump on some mattresses at a mattress store,

[52:47] and that sounds like a fun way to spend an afternoon.

[52:50] Yeah, no, I'll steal that.

[52:53] The Wonder Important. Why is it creepier when Dan says it?

[52:58] Next question.

[52:59] All right. Ethan, last name withheld.

[53:02] I actually have— Hawk.

[53:04] Yes. Ladies and gentlemen, Ethan Hawke, everybody.

[53:07] Ethan Hawke, everybody.

[53:11] Star of— Oh, no, I was going to say Chill Factor, but that was Skeet Ulrich.

[53:15] Actually, I have two questions. Make them quick.

[53:18] Ninja Turtle One, movie one.

[53:19] Ninja Turtle One, what was your favorite Ninja Turtle as a child?

[53:23] Donatello.

[53:24] Michelangelo.

[53:26] Donatello.

[53:27] It was Leonardo, Dan.

[53:29] No, no.

[53:30] Mine was Leo, so I'd sympathize.

[53:32] No, but it was Donatello.

[53:33] Blue was my favorite color, and that mattered to me when I was five.

[53:35] Well, that's the thing.

[53:36] I always wished Donatello was blue instead of purple, but now I know purple is a regal color.

[53:40] Do you wish he had a better weapon?

[53:42] Because a bo staff is pretty lame.

[53:44] It's pretty lame, but he can also make bombs and guns and things like that.

[53:47] That's the other thing. Two katanas is, like, way better than any of the other ones.

[53:52] I mean, it's kind of against the rules. You'd have a katana and a short sword, right?

[53:55] Yeah, for the die show.

[53:56] Yeah.

[53:57] See, I feel like having two katanas is kind of unfair.

[53:59] Like, you just got two big swords.

[54:01] I like the fact that you got Donatello.

[54:03] He can fucking beat you up with just a big stick.

[54:06] There is a part in the movie where Splinter is talking about their past, and he goes,

[54:10] I gave them weapons, and he gives the Leonardo, he goes, the katana, the leader of the swords,

[54:14] and then does not name the other weapons.

[54:16] No. It's like the end of the Gilligan's Island.

[54:19] It's like, and the rest.

[54:21] There's a box of other shit in the corner.

[54:22] You guys pick stuff out.

[54:24] All right.

[54:24] So what's your second question?

[54:26] Second question.

[54:27] What is the one thing a movie can do that will just turn you against it instantly?

[54:32] Like, you can be watching it, and you can be like, oh, this is a good, bad movie,

[54:34] and then it does something, and you're like, no, fuck this.

[54:37] Bad, bad movie right now.

[54:38] I'm going to jump in.

[54:40] Anytime a movie begins with, like, a fucking prophecy.

[54:43] Yeah.

[54:44] Like, my grandma always spoke of the day the ninjas would rise up and take over the robot overlords.

[54:50] Then we know it's going to be bad.

[54:51] Yeah, it's going to be hard.

[54:53] Yeah, I think that's pretty, yeah.

[54:54] That's pretty much it.

[54:57] I mean, there's always a second act sag, but, like, I don't feel like there's, like, a thing you can point to.

[55:02] It's just that, like, it's clear that they're like, oh, we have a great beginning for a movie,

[55:07] and then we have no idea what the rest of the movie is going to be.

[55:12] Until the stunning climax.

[55:14] Yeah.

[55:15] Next question, please.

[55:16] Hey, dudes.

[55:17] Hey, Stu.

[55:17] Okay, so.

[55:20] I was supposed to say that part.

[55:21] Continue.

[55:22] Hi, my name is Stu's coworker.

[55:26] Question.

[55:27] It's amazing that you got exactly the right job for your name.

[55:31] That's a coincidence.

[55:32] That's as big a coincidence as Megan Fox setting loose some turtles and then years later finding them again.

[55:37] By the way, everybody is wearing the Steven Seagal jacket from On Deadly Ground.

[55:47] So what's your question?

[55:48] If you had to human centipede the Ninja Turtles and what, what, what order would they be in?

[56:02] I mean, what, Raphael in the front so he can make a lot of quips, right?

[56:07] Is there going to be four of them?

[56:08] Well, that's what you can't put Donatello in front because he'll think of a way out unless he's getting poop shoving his face.

[56:13] I'll tell you.

[56:14] I'll tell you one thing.

[56:15] You do not want Michelangelo in front because he's only eating pizza.

[56:19] Yeah, yeah.

[56:21] Leonardo somewhere in the middle.

[56:22] Who cares what happens to him?

[56:25] And his splinter involved.

[56:28] I mean, who's feeding him the pizza?

[56:31] Splinters do it.

[56:32] That's terrible.

[56:34] We can't think about this anymore.

[56:35] Thank you.

[56:39] I don't know how I can follow that.

[56:41] Hi, Brian.

[56:42] Last name withheld.

[56:43] You guys, you mentioned in the movie that William Fickner just completely disappears without explanation and that there's no reason for the shredder to be helping him.

[56:52] What I found out was that shredders like his mentor type.

[56:55] Well, what it actually was was in the original cut.

[56:57] I found this out.

[56:58] He was William Fickner was the shredder.

[57:00] And when that tested terribly, they filmed those two scenes with the shredder in his basement and then dubbed over all of his dialogue for the rest of the movie.

[57:07] And then filmed those other scenes of William Fickner being in another place.

[57:10] Exactly.

[57:10] That's why he's inside while everything else is happening.

[57:12] It's amazing that they're like, this is the flaw with the movie.

[57:16] People love William Fickner so much.

[57:18] They don't want to see him stuck in a suit of armor.

[57:20] They want to see that handsome face.

[57:22] How is it possible that that tested terribly?

[57:26] Like it's like, oh, we don't this.

[57:28] I don't buy him as a ninja.

[57:30] I don't like this.

[57:30] I don't like this charismatic character actor to be the main villain.

[57:34] Let's get a second guy in here and then just have like William Fickner kind of just disappear at the end of the film.

[57:41] And who knows what happened to him?

[57:42] What is that?

[57:43] Is that Jay Leno?

[57:46] That was the air going out of William Fickner as he deploys.

[57:51] That's why in the movie, his name is Eric Sex, which is the white people version of Oroku Saki.

[57:56] Yeah, yeah.

[57:56] Anglicized Oroku Saki.

[57:58] So do you have a question?

[57:59] My question related to that is, what's your favorite plot hole you've seen in a movie?

[58:06] Favorite plot hole?

[58:08] I mean, the one that immediately comes to mind is the fact they just blew up that turtle hangout and nobody got hurt and nothing got blown up.

[58:16] Pretty good.

[58:18] It's pretty good.

[58:19] Like in any movie?

[58:20] Any movie ever made.

[58:21] I've talked about this before, but it's a movie I like, but I still have a problem with the fact that in Back to the Future Part II,

[58:29] Biff manages to return to a future that he erased, allowing Marty and Doc to get back in the car and go back in time.

[58:41] So you're saying when he leaves the Biff-verse and he comes back to 2015.

[58:45] He's created the dystopian Biff-verse, so there's no way that he could return to the original.

[58:51] But he's really, is he having a heart attack?

[58:53] I'm as disinterested as you are.

[58:57] I'm just going to say, TNC, classic, Tangled in Cash, they clear their names by blowing off all the evidence that proves that they weren't the bad guys.

[59:07] And then they high-five.

[59:08] And the fact that they high-five in a photograph, the judge is like, you wouldn't have high-fived if you hadn't won the day.

[59:15] Tangled in Cash, you're back on the force.

[59:18] Yes, please.

[59:19] Hi, guys, I'm Ian.

[59:20] I had a, oh, thank you.

[59:22] I had a really specific plot point question about this movie.

[59:25] I wanted to get your opinion on it.

[59:27] So Shredder becomes a father to Sax when Sax is like a little boy.

[59:33] He's like a mentor figure, yeah.

[59:35] Yeah, he said he was like a father to him.

[59:37] I assume he's at least 20 years older than him.

[59:40] So then when Sax is like 50 in this movie, are we watching the Turtles, like, beating up a 75-year-old man?

[59:47] We are watching the Turtles getting their asses kicked by a 75-year-old man.

[59:51] But, I mean, you stick anybody in that Shredder suit.

[59:53] It could be the late William Hickey.

[59:55] And he's just like, he's just like killing them, you know?

[59:58] Yeah, yeah.

[59:59] Larry Budd.

[1:00:00] element that i have in the forest in there and it's you know

[1:00:04] and that you have a kid in there and i think that

[1:00:08] they tried that it doesn't have

[1:00:10] richly separate was going to be a baby in a man said sure

[1:00:14] sorry your question but i had jared less than what i wanted and stewart uh...

[1:00:19] okay towards special segment that

[1:00:21] no one who is listening to know about uh...

[1:00:23] there were multiple tabs open one of them was for uh... uh... uh... side on

[1:00:27] a in the other was for horror boobs

[1:00:29] yeah i don't know uh...

[1:00:30] how'd that work out

[1:00:37] i think i think horror boobs is a uh... is is kind of a misnomer it's more just

[1:00:42] like a like a beautiful women in horror movies why are you looking at me

[1:00:47] why not that i'm a regular visitor to the site but i believe it is pictures of

[1:00:51] boobs from horror movies

[1:00:53] i think you're right i mean i don't have a full membership i've only got to

[1:00:56] the like

[1:00:57] you just go to the visitor area guest preview and then i say yes i'm eighteen

[1:01:02] how are they going to know i mean come on

[1:01:06] uh... yes question please

[1:01:08] hi my name is andrea last name withheld and i'm not a nerdy white guy so i feel

[1:01:12] overwhelmed right now

[1:01:15] thank you

[1:01:17] can i say that we appreciate you all the more

[1:01:22] but i feel overwhelmed by modern life and uh...

[1:01:25] this may be not

[1:01:27] the right question for us

[1:01:30] what are your tips for when i'm looking at netflix or fios and it's time for me to

[1:01:36] choose a movie

[1:01:38] or what are some tips that i can use to choose

[1:01:41] what it's time to look at

[1:01:44] uh...

[1:01:45] this is a pretty simple one for me i would say buy yourself a subscription to

[1:01:50] a full moon streaming

[1:01:53] it's your number one place for b-horror movies and a-horror movies

[1:01:57] you can finally watch puppet master retro in your home

[1:02:00] by your lonesome or is it retro puppet master i think it's retro puppet master i would just say if it

[1:02:04] sounds interesting

[1:02:05] try it the worst that happens is you get bored and you turn it off

[1:02:08] i've got two pieces of advice uh... the first is big trouble in little china

[1:02:14] and the second is

[1:02:16] why not just have a few drinks while you're watching it and it doesn't really

[1:02:19] matter so much

[1:02:22] uh... i think we have time for two more questions

[1:02:25] hello my name is reena last name withheld

[1:02:28] uh... in my home

[1:02:30] there are three of us who listen to the flop house myself

[1:02:33] dan last name also withheld

[1:02:35] and dan's fourteen-year-old son jackson

[1:02:37] uh... if

[1:02:39] some of you remember back

[1:02:41] that we select the episodes he's allowed to listen to by listening to them

[1:02:45] ourselves

[1:02:46] uh... what he listens to on his own time we do not know

[1:02:49] uh... he's fourteen what are you going to do

[1:02:51] uh...

[1:02:52] stewart if you recall back in november i sent you a message requesting that you

[1:02:57] send jackson a

[1:02:59] happy birthday shout out

[1:03:01] and you did and many of you on the facebook flop house page responded

[1:03:05] accordingly with pictures of yourself at the age of fourteen or somewhere there

[1:03:09] about

[1:03:10] to which i have to tell you that he was insanely excited

[1:03:15] as i think you know

[1:03:18] he sent you guys that all of the

[1:03:21] or and i'm not selfish

[1:03:23] it's not a gift

[1:03:25] uh... i don't know

[1:03:27] he has asked that you sign a story and so i don't think it's just as credits as

[1:03:31] elliott and i think that's a chicken like oh i could tell

[1:03:36] it's like a chicken like that signal and i would exactly go wherever that was

[1:03:40] being protected

[1:03:42] right and then i have no control

[1:03:44] flash signal

[1:03:46] and then what's this for still

[1:03:48] i think

[1:03:48] that's the housecat

[1:03:50] and superman

[1:03:54] popular character of the flop house popular character

[1:03:58] jackson has been working on this for the last couple of weeks so it's a big deal

[1:04:02] well if you stick around we'll sign this as soon as we're done

[1:04:06] okay great and then we'll hand it back to you

[1:04:08] thanks guys

[1:04:09] uh... so dan if you'd like to choose one last person yes

[1:04:12] one last person

[1:04:14] or one last question

[1:04:17] there's a gentleman with a giant foam finger out of the audience

[1:04:22] alright if he could uh...

[1:04:24] oh man

[1:04:29] if if uh...

[1:04:34] if you could please

[1:04:36] state your name

[1:04:38] uh...

[1:04:39] is this on?

[1:04:41] uh... my name is uh... david last name uh... withheld caylan

[1:04:52] for the listeners at home did mom tell you i was going to be here is that how you found out?

[1:04:57] david last name withheld caylan for the listeners at home

[1:04:59] wearing a hockey jersey he's wearing a devil's jersey and a new york what is

[1:05:04] that

[1:05:05] oh that's right i forgot you have a devil's jersey with your

[1:05:08] your own name

[1:05:10] a giant's hat that has sent someone screaming into madness

[1:05:16] i think i think giant's fans are pretty rare in this city so yeah yeah

[1:05:20] and uh... so just to make people clear

[1:05:22] that is a personalized devil's jersey that you bought

[1:05:27] i didn't but that's that's another story he didn't get it while playing for the devils

[1:05:32] this is not

[1:05:34] one-time stanley cup winner for the devils

[1:05:37] uh... they they have three stanley cups but you only played for one of them

[1:05:43] there there are three cups on the jersey though i think that's pretty self explanatory

[1:05:50] anyway do you have a

[1:05:51] yeah yeah no i have a you're just here to remind me how terrible life can be

[1:05:54] both

[1:05:55] uh... that's the worst thing i've ever said to you

[1:05:58] that's so horrible i'm sorry

[1:06:01] he is a fine brother he is an excellent uncle to my son

[1:06:06] yeah uh...

[1:06:07] thanks guys very irritating man

[1:06:12] so anyway so your question yeah i know most of you are expecting me to list off

[1:06:16] a bunch of factual errors by the floppers in recent episodes but

[1:06:20] uh... i'm wary of appearing even more obnoxious in person than i am in my

[1:06:24] letters

[1:06:26] so i'm not going to do that although don't worry i will talk about sports

[1:06:30] uh...

[1:06:32] how long is the preamble to your question

[1:06:36] i can go on longer than your letters song if you want

[1:06:40] don't don't test me

[1:06:43] don't challenge me to a nonsense off

[1:06:46] uh... i don't think we should do that sometime

[1:06:49] uh... i was recently watching the classic mid-nineteen nineties basketball

[1:06:53] themed erotic thriller eddie

[1:06:55] uh... i don't think that's an accurate

[1:07:00] whoopsie goldman one

[1:07:01] is that the one where she teams up with theodore rex or is that theodore rex

[1:07:06] it is

[1:07:07] not eddie i know that much is eddie the one where it's made in america

[1:07:10] no no that's when ted danson plays basketball for her

[1:07:14] uh... in blackface during the oscars

[1:07:17] anyway don't get yourself in trouble keep talking

[1:07:20] isn't that what he did it has whoopie goldberg and frank langella in it

[1:07:24] uh... and when i was watching it the flop house instantly popped into my head

[1:07:27] during one of the film's crucial scenes

[1:07:30] uh... approximately twenty minute twenty eight minutes into the film

[1:07:33] team owner wild bill burgess announces to a sparsely filled madison square

[1:07:37] garden that head coach john bailey has walked off the job

[1:07:41] and superfan edwina eddie franklin will be the team's head coach for the night

[1:07:46] cut to the stunned cleveland cavaliers bench where a referee leafing through a

[1:07:50] small booklet actually says

[1:07:53] there's nothing in the rule book

[1:07:58] this is of course

[1:08:00] completely absurd

[1:08:01] there are many strict rules regarding contracts for players

[1:08:05] and coaches so is this the correcting eddie portion of the podcast

[1:08:10] i think you've missed it well good news we've got the director and screenwriter of eddie backstage

[1:08:14] right now come on out boys i believe my brother has mistaken us for the eddie imdb

[1:08:19] goofs page

[1:08:22] but please continue

[1:08:24] just just to make this clear this is a movie that features frank langella using

[1:08:28] a wild west accent seriously

[1:08:30] uh... it presents the idea that fifty thousand dollars is a lot of money to

[1:08:34] make as an nba head coach

[1:08:37] and the movie develops tension by uh... introducing the threat that the knicks

[1:08:42] might be sold and moved to saint louis

[1:08:45] which is ridiculous

[1:08:47] but despite all of that

[1:08:49] the referee finding nothing in the rule book is to me

[1:08:52] the most ridiculous part of this movie so my question

[1:08:56] is this is there one

[1:08:59] uh...

[1:09:00] what movie have you seen where you felt

[1:09:02] very knowledgeable about the subject matter

[1:09:04] but presented the most

[1:09:06] inexplicable deus ex machina plot device

[1:09:09] that you knew to be total nonsense

[1:09:12] before you answer

[1:09:15] there are some rules to this game boy

[1:09:21] before you answer i have something for all of you

[1:09:24] i know that occasionally listeners will send you guys gifts i'd never really

[1:09:27] understood why

[1:09:29] but

[1:09:30] we bring light and joy to the end

[1:09:32] they don't know you

[1:09:34] in person in person

[1:09:36] some of you might

[1:09:37] uh...

[1:09:38] but it always seemed nice so i'm getting on the act here

[1:09:42] uh... as you all know elliot is a die-hard kansas city royals fan love him

[1:09:47] my beloved royals so

[1:09:49] in honor of their world series run this past fall and my brother's favorite pop

[1:09:53] song of two thousand fourteen

[1:09:55] uh... i have gotten

[1:09:57] i'm curious to find out what that is

[1:10:00] song called Royals by a female vocalist yeah yeah I love any song about my

[1:10:06] beloved baseball team the Kansas City Royals I have gotten each of you your

[1:10:10] own Kansas City Royals t-shirt with a personalized name on it especially for

[1:10:15] each of you I consider it something of a thank you for putting up with all of my

[1:10:19] irritating complaints for the past few years although in Elliot's case he's

[1:10:22] been doing it for about three decades so I don't know that I have enough money to

[1:10:25] pay for enough t-shirts to make up for that no but that's very sweet of you

[1:10:30] thanks what a great brother you are so what was the question again I will just

[1:10:40] go along with a movie that we were knowledgeable about that had a deus

[1:10:43] machina thingy in it that made no sense it's complicated okay so I I don't think

[1:10:50] I'm an expert on this subject but it's something that's always bothered me

[1:10:53] there's a movie called signs directed by M. Night Shyamalan and it's it's a movie

[1:10:59] that posits that aliens that are violently allergic to water would come

[1:11:03] to the planet Earth which is almost all water like they've come to poison

[1:11:09] themselves it's insane they call it planet suicide there's even a scene where

[1:11:14] they're showing home video footage of an alien running around in Brazil the

[1:11:17] fucking rainforest dude so signs I mean I this isn't a movie and we've talked

[1:11:27] about on the show before but I know that you Elliot and I and everyone at

[1:11:32] our day job I think this is quite fond of studio 60 the television program

[1:11:38] 60 on the Sunset Strip which presents an insane view of what it is to be a

[1:11:44] comedy writer or how a television show or any functional adult business might

[1:11:48] work yeah a world where someone can look at a script for two seconds and say this

[1:11:54] is really funny stuff or a world where the head writer such as yourself is

[1:11:59] flocked as he leaves the show never happened by people asking for autographs

[1:12:04] this is a show where it is my positive studio 60 exists in an alternative

[1:12:09] universe where alternate universe I guess an alternative universe would be

[1:12:14] like an alternative universe that's that is just like a you know more of a

[1:12:17] college an alternate universe where sketch comedy is the biggest form of

[1:12:24] entertainment and so the firing of a head writer on a sketch comedy show in

[1:12:28] the hiring of a new one calls for a press conference and in this universe

[1:12:32] sketch comedy is also the number one threat to Christianity yeah because if

[1:12:36] that sketch crazy Christians gets out they're gonna blow the lid over the

[1:12:41] smoking a stogie saying we got to put the lid on this Chris crazy Christian

[1:12:46] sketch we got a good thing going me and my pops and we can't let this thing come

[1:12:50] to an end but uh yeah I think that's something where every second you're like

[1:12:54] why are they all writing in the same room and there's no lights on so I hope

[1:13:01] that answers your question I guess TV is mysterious sir oh thank you yeah we're

[1:13:06] taking thank you very much Dave thank you oh mine says sigh on the back

[1:13:17] and mine says Dave's brother I might wear this tomorrow thank you thank you

[1:13:35] I'm glad that you're number three we we have gone past our allotted time so I'm

[1:13:44] assuming we should probably wrap it up I'm getting the yes nod from offstage so

[1:13:49] rather than we'll skip recommendations yeah I mean if you really need to know

[1:13:55] what the fuck recommendations we have already made dudes color us outside of

[1:14:00] the show and be like tell me what to watch but in lieu of that yeah thanks

[1:14:05] for telling them to do that good night tell me what to watch damn it shove us

[1:14:10] up against a wall doing I've got a specific set of skills tell me what to

[1:14:14] watch so we'll leave you so here's a recommendation maybe don't watch a movie

[1:14:20] this weekend go out and do something nice hey here's a recommendation choose

[1:14:24] life be good to each other be be nice yeah love each other so be nice for the

[1:14:32] like in a row for the flop house I've been damn McCoy just turn it to Kurt

[1:14:36] Vonnegut I think we did yeah yeah so it goes you've been if you've been Dan

[1:14:42] McCoy that I've been Stuart Wellington and putting the math together carry the

[1:14:47] one at an awesome I think I believe I am Elliot Kalin and that would mean this is

[1:14:52] the flop house everyone thank you very much for coming out thank you thank you

[1:15:09] we'll be leaving but I want to say quick thanks to everyone who helped us put the

[1:15:13] show together thank you very much to Jeremy and everyone at the pod fest thank

[1:15:17] you guys so much for doing the show guys give it on the round of applause for the

[1:15:21] flop house thank you thank you very much to everybody at the bell house and

[1:15:25] for everybody else for coming out thank you very much

[1:15:33] hey this is pop rocket we're your source for all pop culture information it's an

[1:15:38] intellectual and incredibly snark-filled discussion about pop culture by five

[1:15:41] Frankie Hollywood 30-somethings no name-calling no rudeness just straight

[1:15:45] talk and a lot of roleplay I'm only 30 something for another year me too and I

[1:15:49] don't tell anybody I'm 30 something pop rocket comes out every week from

[1:15:54] maximumfund.org hi I'm Julie Sabatier I host and produce a show called

[1:16:02] destination DIY it's all about people doing interesting things and we're

[1:16:08] really excited to be bringing it to maximum fun when you hear DIY you might

[1:16:13] think of knitting or building a birdhouse but we're really more

[1:16:16] interested in people doing stuff like hacking the health care system creating

[1:16:21] their own currencies building their own spacesuits that kind of thing we're here

[1:16:25] to remind you that you are an authority and we think you're gonna like our

[1:16:29] stories about makers builders inventors and all kinds of creative people check

[1:16:34] out destination DIY at maximumfund.org or wherever you like to listen to podcasts

Episode #169 - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles LIVE

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