Ep. #174 - That Awkward Moment

[0:00] On this episode of The Flop House we watched that awkward moment.

[0:04] More like that awkward movie.

[0:06] Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa?

[0:30] Hey, everyone, welcome to The Flop House.

[0:38] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:39] I'm Elliot Kalen

[0:41] And I'm Halley Haglund!

[0:43] Surprise!

[0:44] Stuart, you look and sound different.

[0:45] You have a different name.

[0:46] No, no, no!

[0:47] I'm...

[0:48] I'm Stuart.

[0:49] With a different name.

[0:51] Wait, oh, well...

[0:53] Guys...

[0:54] That's the least convincing disguise.

[0:56] We have some news for The Flop House listeners.

[0:58] Stuart was peeing in a fountain with Halley, and now they've switched, except they still

[1:02] use the names of their bodies.

[1:05] And Halley is looking very Grey Gardens right now, because she borrowed a sweater from my

[1:11] wife and just slung around to her.

[1:14] And your wife is Little Edie from Grey Gardens.

[1:18] I married her for her money, and then that did not go well.

[1:21] I married her for her raccoons.

[1:25] I always wanted to marry a raccoon heiress.

[1:28] She's got many raccoons.

[1:32] Some bitier than others.

[1:35] So Halley, thanks for joining us this week.

[1:37] But she gave them all away to her nieces.

[1:40] What?

[1:41] I'm not sure how that fits into the story.

[1:45] Sometimes that happens with the aunts.

[1:50] They will their raccoons to their nieces.

[1:52] Halley, is that what your favorite aunt did to you?

[1:55] Gave you her raccoons?

[1:56] Tell us what your aunt did to you, Halley.

[1:58] Show us on this doll where your aunt gave you raccoons.

[2:02] It was in my arms.

[2:05] And they were beautiful.

[2:06] They were like little bandits.

[2:08] So unfortunately, Stuart Wellington of the Flophouse could not be with us tonight.

[2:13] Because he's dead.

[2:15] And one of us is the killer.

[2:16] It was me.

[2:17] Anyway, moving on.

[2:18] No, he's fine.

[2:19] Mystery solved.

[2:20] Another Elliot Kaelin mystery.

[2:22] I solve them quick because I commit the crimes.

[2:25] No, I will take the blame for this to some degree in that my stupid body got sick.

[2:34] My stupid body, which was your EDM album?

[2:37] Yeah.

[2:38] We were supposed to tape yesterday when all four of us could be here.

[2:42] And Halley would be a special bonus guest.

[2:44] Instead, she is a replacement host.

[2:47] You've been upgraded.

[2:48] Yeah.

[2:49] Or downgraded.

[2:50] Because I'm a paltry replacement for a great man.

[2:57] May he rest in Puerto Rico, because that's where he is, bitches.

[3:03] Wow.

[3:04] Did Stuart tell you to gloat on his behalf?

[3:07] I don't understand.

[3:08] Yeah.

[3:09] He's in Puerto Rico celebrating the wedding of somebody.

[3:14] Some person who's getting married there.

[3:18] But this is a very special episode of The Flophouse, not just because Halley's dropped

[3:23] in.

[3:24] Any excuse to say but, huh, Dan?

[3:26] I'll say it right now.

[3:28] But.

[3:29] All right.

[3:30] It's a very special episode of The Flophouse.

[3:31] Explain, please.

[3:33] This is-

[3:34] I love special things.

[3:35] I love episodes.

[3:36] I love The Flophouse.

[3:37] I love explanations.

[3:38] So please give us one.

[3:41] This is the most magical time of the Maximum Fun calendar year.

[3:46] The Maximum Fun Drive.

[3:49] The Pledge Drive from Maximum Fun.

[3:52] Maximum Fun, Maximum Drive, Maximum Pledge.

[3:56] Maximum Fun-

[3:57] 2015.

[3:59] Is a listener-supported network.

[4:00] It's like your PBS's or your N's, P's, R's.

[4:05] N's, P's, R?

[4:08] It's listener-supported.

[4:10] So you are the listener.

[4:11] You got to support us.

[4:12] Because without you, where would we be?

[4:14] Nowhere.

[4:15] We're in a dumpster.

[4:17] Our body's mangled by the killer.

[4:20] We come to you-

[4:21] The killer's name?

[4:22] Hallie Haglund.

[4:23] Oh, wow.

[4:24] Again, you-

[4:25] I mean, I'd be fine.

[4:26] I have an active life outside this show.

[4:27] We don't.

[4:28] Hallie, you really, like, you give away the endings to these mysteries very quickly.

[4:32] That's where the mystery comes in.

[4:34] It's like, when's he going to reveal the answer?

[4:36] Right now!

[4:37] Okay.

[4:38] They're called Elliot Kalin's One Moment Mysteries.

[4:41] Just a way to kill a moment.

[4:43] That awkward moment mystery.

[4:44] But before we get to that awkward moment, just a word about the MaxFunDrive.

[4:50] It happens, but once a year, we come to you, hat in hand, asking for your support.

[4:55] That is a nice hat, Dan.

[4:57] Thank you.

[4:58] Nobody, I'll tell you guys, nobody actually has hats or hands here.

[5:04] Fuck.

[5:05] Hallie's the magic of radio.

[5:07] So we come to you and we say, donate, please.

[5:11] Pledge to donate.

[5:12] And how do they do that, Dan?

[5:14] Here's how you do it.

[5:15] You go to MaximumFun.org and click on donate.

[5:20] Sounds easy.

[5:21] Should be doing it right now.

[5:24] And if you donate, number one, you support the shows that you love and you can dictate

[5:33] which shows specifically that you listen to so you know that the money that you donate

[5:38] goes to the things that you enjoy and not some other thing that maybe you don't care

[5:43] about.

[5:44] Let's say you love this podcast.

[5:45] There's another podcast on Maximum you don't like so much, Judge Sean Hodgman, maybe.

[5:49] And you don't want to donate to that.

[5:51] Don't worry.

[5:52] You can delineate which podcasts get the money so we get the money that you want to give

[5:56] to us.

[5:57] And it's a nice way to support us.

[5:58] It's a nice way to support the whole network.

[6:01] It's not just the talent as it were, but it's also the network itself, putting out a lot

[6:07] of great material and supporting other great podcast artists.

[6:11] And you get pledge gifts.

[6:14] Pledge gifts.

[6:17] Now there are different levels of pledges gifts you can get.

[6:23] At the $5 per month level, you get exclusive bonus content.

[6:26] This includes a bonus episode of the Flophouse.

[6:29] Now people have been wondering, what would it be like if the Flophouse talked about a

[6:33] bad television show?

[6:34] Well, there's one way to find out.

[6:37] Pledge to MaxFun.

[6:38] Get our bonus episode, an episode only available to MaxFun pledgers.

[6:42] So if you don't pledge, you will never know what happened in the episode.

[6:46] You'll miss out on some funny jokes, Stewart's in it, no replacement co-hosts that are maybe

[6:52] not as good.

[6:53] At $10 a month, you get a tote bag, a MaxFun tote bag.

[7:00] You like NPR.

[7:01] Pretend you're donating to NPR and get a MaxFun tote bag, but it says MaxFun instead of NPR.

[7:06] This is way better than NPR, therefore it's a better tote bag.

[7:09] That was really mean, the thing that you said before.

[7:12] About who?

[7:13] About substitute hosts?

[7:14] About substitute hosts.

[7:15] Well, I'll tell you.

[7:16] Just so you know, I came here out of the goodness of my heart because you guys begged me to

[7:22] come.

[7:23] That's true.

[7:24] And we changed the date on you several times like a bunch of jerks.

[7:28] We really appreciate you being here.

[7:29] Yeah.

[7:30] But for $20 per month, you can get an in-flight power pack that has a mobile device charger,

[7:35] collapsible water bottle, antibacterial wipes, pilot wings, all that you would want if you

[7:40] were taking a flight somewhere and all emblazoned with the MaxFun rocket ship logo.

[7:45] The kind of thing Dan might take with him while, say, watching a movie on a plane.

[7:49] His favorite place to watch movies.

[7:51] $35 per month, a pair of rocket engraved shot glasses, $100 per month, membership in the

[7:56] Inner Circle, which is a monthly culture club where you get a curated piece of culture every

[8:03] month.

[8:04] We're not talking like germ cultures.

[8:05] We're talking like books and art, things like that.

[8:08] Stuff people like.

[8:09] This all sounds made up.

[8:11] Are these real things that people can get?

[8:13] These are actual things.

[8:14] Do not undercut the pledge.

[8:15] As amazing as they sound, they're all real, Howard.

[8:18] All right.

[8:19] Okay.

[8:20] Guess I'm going to have to pledge.

[8:21] And at the $200 per month level, the fucking aces high level, you get free registration

[8:28] for MaxFunCon 2016.

[8:32] The official MaxFun convention where you'll meet your favorite MaxFun stars, like Maxwell

[8:38] Fun Ship himself.

[8:40] Do they have to dress up as characters from MaxFun?

[8:43] They can if they want to, but they don't have to.

[8:46] I mean, I bet you guys could probably just wear your regular clothes and you'd look exactly

[8:50] like Dan and Ellie.

[8:51] Now, I just want to mention that current donors, people who are already ongoing monthly donors

[9:00] to MaxFun, if you upgrade your membership during the pledge drive, you're eligible for

[9:05] all the thank you gifts we're offering, and also if you're a current member, you can go

[9:10] to MaxFun.org and say that you didn't have the Flophouse on your donation list before

[9:18] because we're not part of the network.

[9:20] You can shift over.

[9:21] You can say like, I also listen to the Flophouse.

[9:24] Now, there's a goal this year of 2,000 new and upgrading members, totally achievable,

[9:30] eminently achievable, just with you guys listening to us right now.

[9:34] So here's what you should do.

[9:35] While you're listening to this, go to your computer and go donate because you're going

[9:39] to forget otherwise.

[9:40] You're going to keep putting it off.

[9:41] You're going to be like, oh, I should really donate to that.

[9:42] I'll get around to it.

[9:44] It's not going to happen.

[9:45] How do I know?

[9:46] Because that's what would happen to me.

[9:48] So I think you should do what I should do, which is donate right now rather than putting

[9:52] it off for a little bit.

[9:56] Which is why we're asking Elliot to donate.

[10:00] right now to MaxFund Drive.

[10:07] We will be back to talk a little bit more about the MaxFund Drive later on in the show,

[10:26] but now we need to talk about what we normally talk about, which is a movie that we watched.

[10:33] I don't know, Dan.

[10:34] Maybe we shouldn't talk until we know they've donated.

[10:36] Yeah.

[10:37] Maybe we'll just sit here and not talk.

[10:38] Maybe we'll sit here in silence.

[10:39] Not saying a word.

[10:40] Go to MaximumFund.org.

[10:41] Go click donate.

[10:42] Put your information in.

[10:43] We'll wait.

[10:44] Hallie, sing us a song while we're waiting.

[10:45] In this magic moment.

[10:46] All right.

[10:47] Let's not do that.

[10:48] I'll tell you what.

[10:49] This was a bad idea.

[10:51] I didn't realize that we could get a song from Cher after a nuclear blast.

[10:59] So, Hallie, you as the guest were invited to choose a type of movie.

[11:08] Well, actually, I said, is there a specific movie you want to watch?

[11:11] And you did not give me a specific movie.

[11:13] You gave me a genre.

[11:14] And you, in all caps, what did you send to me?

[11:19] Rom or com.

[11:22] And what rom-com did we end up watching tonight?

[11:25] That awkward moment.

[11:29] Yeah.

[11:30] Which thus inspired, oh, my, oh, my, awkward moment.

[11:36] Are you swallowing your own tongue while you're singing?

[11:39] Is that what that sound is?

[11:42] It's called singing, Elliot, if you've ever tried it.

[11:45] Oh, wait.

[11:47] I try it all the time.

[11:50] Singing for you and for you.

[11:53] Singing for the donors who pledge.

[11:56] Singing for Bono and the Edge.

[11:59] Singing for that man on the ledge.

[12:01] Don't jump.

[12:02] Don't jump.

[12:03] He jumped.

[12:04] What are you going to do?

[12:07] For a pledge.

[12:08] I don't know.

[12:10] So, I mean, if you like stuff like that, I guess pledge.

[12:14] Of course you like stuff like that.

[12:16] I'm listening right now.

[12:17] You should be pledging.

[12:18] But that awkward moment is, I guess, it's named after that irritating Internet thing

[12:24] where someone posts on the Internet and they say, that moment when or.

[12:28] Oh, I thought they meant the awkward moment was like le petit mort,

[12:32] the moment when you ejaculate and you feel like you've lost a little of yourself.

[12:36] Orgasm.

[12:37] Yeah.

[12:38] Is there a more awkward moment than that?

[12:39] No.

[12:40] I think the moment after orgasm is the awkward moment.

[12:44] Yeah, well, that could be it, too.

[12:45] Because then you're kind of like, all right, well, that just happened.

[12:48] You're totally confused.

[12:49] You don't know what's going on.

[12:52] Am I supposed to, where do I go now?

[12:54] Wait, do I make you a pancake now or am I supposed to drive you somewhere?

[12:58] But that's what it is.

[13:00] That's the context of the movie.

[13:02] Do I pay you now or should I wait until after you get dressed?

[13:05] That kind of thing.

[13:06] I mean, I feel like you guys are expressing the real theme of the movie.

[13:10] The real theme of the movie, which was assholes.

[13:12] Yeah.

[13:13] But I feel like you guys are posing the exact same questions that the guys pose in the movie.

[13:18] Well, let's talk about who those guys were.

[13:20] There's Jason, played by Zac Efron, who is a.

[13:24] Who Allie was.

[13:25] They're all hot.

[13:27] She was all over it.

[13:28] The three men are Zac Efron, Michael B. Jordan, the actor,

[13:32] not the basketball player who does not have a B as his middle initial.

[13:36] Who's Michael B. Jordan?

[13:39] It was in Chronicle.

[13:41] He's going to be the human torch in the new Fantastic Four movie.

[13:43] But he wasn't in.

[13:44] We were talking Zac Efron.

[13:45] We're talking Max Tiller.

[13:46] We're talking Nick Cannon.

[13:48] No, it's not Nick Cannon.

[13:49] I think we're racist.

[13:50] You were actually being racist in thinking that that was Nick Cannon.

[13:52] You said it was Nick Cannon.

[13:54] Dan said it was him.

[13:56] We've established on this show that Dan is a racist.

[13:58] That's why I thought it was.

[14:00] Throw him under the bus that Rosa Parks is refusing to get up on because Dan is a racist.

[14:05] I just want people to know it wasn't me.

[14:07] Do you have to do this?

[14:09] Oh, wait.

[14:10] Is that the guy from?

[14:11] Wait, hold on.

[14:12] Anyway.

[14:13] Is that the guy from The Wire?

[14:15] He wasn't in Chronicle.

[14:16] No.

[14:17] No, I think he might have been.

[14:19] See, now Alex is just racist as me.

[14:20] No, I think he might have been.

[14:21] The guy who was in the—show me his filmography.

[14:26] You have a phone.

[14:28] I'm going through the other people.

[14:29] And the other third guy is Miles Teller, a.k.a. Whiplash.

[14:33] You guys are going to be so sorry.

[14:35] So they're three friends being young in New York and having sex with ladies and then not calling them back later.

[14:42] They're just a bunch of lovable douchebags roaming around the city, going to the same bar every night, hitting on different women at the same bar, but seemingly never running into the same women at the same bar.

[14:52] But anyway—

[14:54] And Zac Efron's hair gets taller and taller with every scene.

[14:57] In the first scene, Zac Efron's hair just looks like a newly mown lawn, just fresh blades of grass.

[15:03] By the final scene, it is a proud tsunami roaring to its full height before crashing into some sort of Malaysian beach, killing thousands.

[15:12] You really paint a word picture.

[15:14] Of Zac Efron's hair.

[15:16] Murdering people.

[15:18] The Wire!

[15:20] Who did he play in The Wire?

[15:21] He was the guy who got killed.

[15:22] He was also—

[15:23] Oh, thanks, Hallie.

[15:24] No, he was the guy who got killed.

[15:25] He was the friend that—

[15:27] Spoiler alert for The Wire.

[15:28] No, he was the first season, the guy that, um, what's his name, had to kill his friend.

[15:33] Oh, yeah.

[15:34] Bodhi?

[15:35] Okay.

[15:36] Did Bodhi kill him?

[15:37] Bodhi killed him, yeah.

[15:38] And then he was in—

[15:39] No, no, Bodhi from Homeland.

[15:40] No, and then he was in that, um, the, uh, wasn't he in that Station movie?

[15:46] Fruitvale Station.

[15:47] Yeah.

[15:48] Okay, so Hallie, no longer racist. Dan, still racist.

[15:51] All right, well, I apologize for the mistake that I made.

[15:55] Dan, look into the camera.

[15:56] I apologize for the mistake that I made.

[15:59] Uh, you end.

[16:01] And I will never do it again.

[16:02] You will be paying reparations.

[16:04] Okay.

[16:05] As well as a large endowment to—

[16:09] To my penis.

[16:12] I don't know. Uh, you know, let's keep moving.

[16:16] Anyway, so these are three guys.

[16:17] They also hang out occasionally with a girl named Chelsea, who just kind of shows up out of nowhere in one scene,

[16:23] and it took me a moment to realize she was a character and not an extra that had decided to butt into the scene.

[16:28] Was Chelsea the skinny, tall one?

[16:29] Yeah.

[16:30] So you might, if you watch Halt and Catch Fire, you might remember her as the person who's always dressed like Mary Stuart Masterson

[16:37] from some kind of wonderful in, uh, in that program.

[16:41] So specific.

[16:42] They are totally trying to evoke her.

[16:44] Like, it's an 80s set show, and they're like, uh, just make her look like, uh, that girl from the John Hughes movie.

[16:49] It's all right. 80s.

[16:51] 80s. 80s equals Hughes.

[16:53] Yeah.

[16:54] Uh, the Hughes decade, they called it.

[16:56] Now—

[16:57] Howard Hughes.

[16:58] Howard Hughes.

[16:59] The movies that Howard Hughes made about teenage life were all really unbelievable.

[17:03] Okay, I haven't checked this yet. I haven't checked this yet. I'm about to check this.

[17:07] But I actually think she was a child actress, and she played, um, uh, Stephanie or Michelle's friend on Full House.

[17:15] I'm going to check.

[17:18] Look, I just admire that rather than taking the extra three seconds to check on her phone just now,

[17:23] she instead stakes her claim, saying, I believe this, and I'll check now to see if it's true.

[17:29] It's like, uh, public radio's This I Believe segment, only it's a fact, like, that has inherent truth that can be checked.

[17:37] That she could research pretty easily.

[17:39] Anyway, so these are three guys who are friends, except Mikey, played by Michael B. Jordan, who is a young doctor who's married to—

[17:46] Now, does Mikey like it? Because I hear that Mikey will eat anything.

[17:50] No, Mikey won't eat anything.

[17:52] No, that's what you think it would be, but it's a terrible thing.

[17:56] They're like, give it to Mikey, he'll eat anything.

[17:58] No, no, he hates everything.

[18:00] No.

[18:01] They say, give it to Mikey, he hates everything.

[18:03] And then he likes it, and they go, if even Mikey likes it—

[18:06] No, you would think that would make sense, but it's a terrible commercial that says, give it to Mikey, he'll eat anything.

[18:12] No, he hates everything.

[18:13] Hallie, stop looking up whether she was on Full House, look up the Life Cereal commercial.

[18:18] But I know, it was—I think you're right, Elliot, I remember—

[18:22] He either says he hates everything or he won't eat anything.

[18:25] He hates—okay, okay.

[18:27] Dan, the logic of the Life Commercial is impeccable and unbreakable.

[18:31] Let me explain what's going on.

[18:32] So, uh, Michael B. Jordan—

[18:34] He hates everything.

[18:36] What?

[18:37] Dan, you've been living a lie, and that lie has an F in it to spell Life Cereal, which you were wrong about.

[18:42] Dan, look into the camera and apologize to Mikey.

[18:44] Mikey, I'm sorry.

[18:46] I know that you did not die in Vietnam after eating Pop Rocks and Coke.

[18:51] Thank you.

[18:52] And so you'll be giving reparations and an endowment.

[18:56] Your penis is really making out like a bandit with this thing.

[18:59] Speaking of penises, there's a lot of penis talk in this movie.

[19:02] Let's say one thing about this alleged rom-com.

[19:04] It is an out-and-out guy's potty mouth movie.

[19:08] It's low on the rom, low on the com.

[19:10] If you like scenes of guys lying down across open toilet seats because they're peeing with erections, this is the movie for you.

[19:18] Yeah, let's talk about this scene.

[19:20] I haven't even said anything about what the movie's about.

[19:22] There's three guys.

[19:23] Mikey finds out his wife is cheating on him, so he falls in with his two horndog friends, and they decide that they are not going to get—

[19:29] His horndog friends, Zac Efron and Miles Teller.

[19:31] And they're not going to get into a relationship.

[19:33] They're just going to fuck their way through New York, as bachelors do.

[19:36] And so there's a scene where they take—

[19:39] And they decide this at one of the two places they hang out together, bars or coffee shops.

[19:44] Because they drink a ton of coffee in this movie.

[19:47] You'd think it wouldn't be that difficult to pee because they have so much coffee in their system.

[19:52] But Efron and Teller take Viagra at the beginning of the night, you know, with the full faith.

[20:00] that they will, by the end of the night, have hooked themselves a lady that they can...

[20:05] Oh, their rocks will be off.

[20:07] Yeah, and then there's a cut to them.

[20:09] But that's a thing they do.

[20:10] They do, they both go home with ladies.

[20:12] I mean, you know, they're handsome gentlemen, but like...

[20:14] Well, that's the other thing, Zac Efron is portrayed as like, he's got this really good line of patter.

[20:20] Like, he knows how to get a girl, but he's also a ridiculously handsome guy.

[20:24] Yeah.

[20:25] Like, it would be a different movie for me if these guys were not all, had movie star looks.

[20:29] And Miles Teller always looks sleepy, and like he hasn't, you know, gotten any sun in days.

[20:34] But he has a sort of soft charm about him.

[20:37] No, no, he's got like a mushy John Cusack charm.

[20:39] And also, if you had seen The Spectacular Now, he's like lost a good 100 pounds since then.

[20:45] Wow!

[20:46] So, he really looks like movie star made once you see his busted self in that one.

[20:52] Okay.

[20:53] Wow.

[20:54] The Spectacular Cow, Moo.

[20:57] Wow, Catty Halley.

[20:58] I kind of love the way that Halley is turning around.

[21:01] This is the female gaze is what we're getting right now.

[21:05] But, no, there's a scene where like these two guys are on Viagra, and we catch them taking a whiz.

[21:12] And there's like a camera reveal that shows that they're both lying down with their penises inserted into the toilet bowl,

[21:20] like planking on the thing, peeing into it.

[21:23] Like stir sticks.

[21:24] Yeah, I guess.

[21:25] In a toilet cocktail.

[21:27] And the idea, I guess, is like it's really hard to pee when you have an erection.

[21:31] Which is true.

[21:32] Speaking as a man who has had to pee while he had an erection, you can still do that shit standing up.

[21:37] You don't need to insert your penis into the bowl and go completely prone.

[21:42] It's hard for me to believe that these two characters have never been in this situation before,

[21:46] where they've had to pee with an erection.

[21:49] Maybe this is how you do it.

[21:50] It's called waking up at age 14.

[21:53] That's what it's called when you have to pee with an erection.

[21:55] Now, here's the thing.

[21:56] They go out for a night on the town.

[21:58] Miles goes off with some girl.

[22:00] Mikey meets a girl with glasses and gets her number, but he still wants to work it out with his wife.

[22:05] And Jason, Zac Efron, meets Ellie, played by the hilariously named Imogene Poots.

[22:11] Imogene Gay Poots.

[22:14] It's a name out of like a Little Abner comic strip.

[22:17] And he goes home and sleeps with her.

[22:21] But then, due to a reason—

[22:23] Yep, her name is like a fart.

[22:26] For reasons that are too stupid to get into, he starts to believe she's a prostitute

[22:32] and runs out of the apartment, clutching his clothes to his naked bosom.

[22:36] I think the reasons are just stupid enough to get into.

[22:39] She has a lot of condoms.

[22:41] She has her boots.

[22:43] She wears boots and she has an envelope full of cash.

[22:46] She could easily be a spy.

[22:49] Or just a normal person.

[22:51] Just a lady who doesn't believe in banks.

[22:53] That's true.

[22:55] She's a Lyndon LaRouche follower who thinks that the whole financial system is gunning for a fall.

[22:59] I mean, she could be like a lot of good-looking people in New York

[23:03] who just got a huge envelope of cash from their parents who are supporting their lifestyle.

[23:07] That's what this movie seems to have a lot of.

[23:09] Everybody has apartments, but they don't seem to work that much.

[23:13] Imogene Poots plays an author.

[23:15] Zac Efron and Miles Teller are book cover co-designers.

[23:20] They work together.

[23:22] They work together and they play together.

[23:24] Here's why I would have run out of the girls' apartment.

[23:26] A couple of real chip kids.

[23:28] There's a Muppet Babies-type show called Chip Kids

[23:32] about little kids who design book covers.

[23:34] Their work is really innovative for a while, and then it seems to get kind of repetitive.

[23:39] Then they become obsessed with old Batman toys.

[23:42] Chip Kids.

[23:44] When your books look kind of weird.

[23:46] That kind of stuff, you know?

[23:48] Tempo would be a little different.

[23:51] When your books look kind of weird.

[23:56] Not my tempo, Hallie.

[23:58] Whiplash.

[24:00] Starring Miles Teller.

[24:02] Starring Miles Teller and, just kidding, Simmons.

[24:04] Emtels.

[24:06] Emtels, yeah.

[24:08] So, the reason I would have left her apartment is because

[24:11] she didn't have a full bathroom, but just a toilet with a curtain around it.

[24:15] Not something I can handle.

[24:16] Gotta go.

[24:17] I need more privacy than that.

[24:18] Sorry, ladies.

[24:19] Yeah.

[24:20] Especially if you're Miles Teller in this movie.

[24:22] Yeah, who has a chronic...

[24:24] Oh, but he wasn't at that apartment.

[24:26] No, no, no.

[24:27] But Miles...

[24:28] So Miles Teller's character is a running gag,

[24:30] which they kind of forget about after a while,

[24:32] where he just goes to...

[24:34] He takes a poop in Zac Efron's apartment all the time.

[24:37] But in his toilet, not in a weird place.

[24:39] It's not that strange.

[24:40] Yeah, it's not like he's doing it in his toaster or something.

[24:42] And it's not irritable bowel.

[24:43] He doesn't run in there like,

[24:45] I'm in the bathroom!

[24:46] We don't know that.

[24:47] We never see him before he's in that bathroom.

[24:49] I mean, he spends a long time in there,

[24:51] which is why he comes out and everyone's like,

[24:55] did you just take a shit because you were in there for so long?

[24:58] Which wouldn't happen if you had irritable bowel.

[25:00] It would happen fast and furious.

[25:04] That's what that movie's about.

[25:06] It's about Vin Diesel has irritable bowel syndrome.

[25:10] And Paul Walker goes undercover as a guy with irritable bowel.

[25:13] To get into the secret irritable bowel street teams, yeah.

[25:17] It's when late at night...

[25:19] That's why it's called The Secret of the Ooze.

[25:21] They go out on the streets and they just poop in the street.

[25:24] Is that what The Secret of the Ooze was?

[25:26] That it was poop?

[25:27] Yeah.

[25:28] They lived in the sewer.

[25:30] So the three guys...

[25:31] Breast in poop.

[25:33] The three guys make a deal that they are not going to get into relationships.

[25:36] And meanwhile, the next day, Miles and Zach,

[25:39] they have to pitch a book cover to, uh-oh,

[25:41] Ellie, the girl that Zach ran out on the night before.

[25:44] Because you thought she was a hooker.

[25:46] It turns out she's just an author,

[25:48] something that is not really ever brought up again

[25:50] and we never see her working or see them working.

[25:53] But being an author is like being a prostitute.

[25:55] Am I right, guys?

[25:56] High fives.

[25:57] High fives.

[25:58] I mean, we're not authors.

[25:59] We're just writers for a TV show.

[26:01] I've had essays printed in books.

[26:03] Check out Mr. Prostitute over here.

[26:06] And let me tell you, the money was pretty sweet.

[26:10] I got upwards of $250.

[26:13] Oh, I wish I got upwards of that.

[26:15] Books pay shit.

[26:16] Anyway, so...

[26:18] But...

[26:19] So Zach and he apologizes to her

[26:22] through the form of a hand-drawn comic strip

[26:25] in which he apologizes to her and she forgives him.

[26:29] He mails this to her or I guess drops it off in a gift box.

[26:32] Here's the thing that I think won her heart over.

[26:35] He had it custom framed.

[26:37] That's expensive.

[26:38] That shows he cares.

[26:39] Framing is crouche.

[26:41] Oh, you mean like crucial?

[26:43] I thought you meant like croup.

[26:45] No time for second syllables.

[26:48] Just the first syl.

[26:51] No more than that.

[26:53] Sar, friends.

[26:55] This is sorry, friends.

[26:58] No, it's Sarfret.

[27:00] She agur on the guh.

[27:03] No time even for further letters.

[27:06] Say the first letter and go.

[27:09] What was Halle saying?

[27:10] I don't know, but she was outta here quick.

[27:12] Every time I have a conversation with her,

[27:14] I gotta do it like a word puzzle

[27:16] where I'm trying to figure out what the sentence was.

[27:18] It was even worse than the time she only spoke in anagrams.

[27:21] Every time I talk to her, it's like an episode of Wheel of Fortune.

[27:26] So, meanwhile, Zach starts seeing poots more often

[27:33] and starts falling for her.

[27:35] Meanwhile, Chelsea...

[27:36] Blue Tang is what they call her.

[27:38] Because she drinks Tang all the time.

[27:41] And she can't be understood when she talks.

[27:44] Daniel, Miles Teller, starts falling into a relationship with Chelsea.

[27:49] Remember, their friend who's a girl

[27:51] who really only exists in this movie to date Daniel and to...

[27:55] I think they all went to college together.

[27:58] I thought that was the implication.

[28:00] It was, but...

[28:01] They were all invited to the Thanksgiving party.

[28:03] Everybody in this movie has a want.

[28:05] Miles Teller wants to get blowjobs and poop.

[28:09] Zac Efron doesn't want to be in a relationship.

[28:12] And Mikey wants to get back with his wife.

[28:15] Chelsea does not have a want.

[28:17] Her want seems to be to continue living in her grandma's fabulous apartment

[28:20] and wear shirts in bed.

[28:22] But wear very skimpy shirts outside of bed.

[28:24] Does she live with her grandma?

[28:26] I couldn't tell.

[28:27] I don't think she does.

[28:28] And I think her want was that she wanted to be with Miles Teller.

[28:31] Now, Hallie, I feel like you had some opinions about the character of Chelsea

[28:34] that I want to draw out of you.

[28:36] I thought Miles Teller was like a big jerk in this movie.

[28:40] And he made no grand gesture in the way that

[28:43] Zac Efron is also a jerk, but made grand gestures.

[28:47] And I felt like she was always way harder than him,

[28:52] clearly more talented than him.

[28:55] She sings and plays piano at one point.

[28:57] Exactly.

[28:58] We don't even see him do anything.

[28:59] Exactly.

[29:00] He says, like, we should have this book cover with shoes on it.

[29:03] Hello, Miles Teller got hit by a car.

[29:06] We haven't gotten to that point.

[29:08] Just anyone can't do that.

[29:10] Here's Miles Teller's talent,

[29:11] and unfortunately it's one that society doesn't accept.

[29:14] He is a phenomenal pooper.

[29:17] He is one of the best poopers or an Olympic artist.

[29:22] Here's the thing.

[29:23] Some talents are not valued at the same levels of others,

[29:27] but his poop, perfectly formed, impeccably timed, and the volume.

[29:32] We never saw any of these poops.

[29:35] Elliot is making this up for your benefit.

[29:39] I'm just saying.

[29:41] Be part of the patriarchy and just work up.

[29:44] Let me poopsplain this to you.

[29:47] Why would he spend so much time in the bathroom,

[29:49] or as he would call it, his workshop,

[29:50] unless he was totally devoted to his muse, the bell?

[29:54] Because he's constipated,

[29:56] and all the little poops that he poops out are like little tiny rocks.

[30:00] One, he's experimenting with new forms, which is what every artist should do.

[30:05] Two, fartists don't call it constipated, they call it pooper's block.

[30:09] Alright, he is not a fartist. The only fartist in this movie is Emma Jean Fart.

[30:14] Her last name is Poots.

[30:16] Which is a synonym for farts.

[30:20] Q.E.D.

[30:22] Q.E.D. Quite erroneous dump.

[30:26] I arrest my poop.

[30:29] This is the dumbest thing anyone's ever said, maybe.

[30:33] Anyway, to make a long story short, Mikey gets back together with his wife,

[30:38] and they have sex in the hospital bed at his workplace.

[30:41] But it doesn't work out. She's still cheating on him.

[30:45] With Harold.

[30:47] Who has a fancy coat.

[30:49] A really nice jacket.

[30:50] You make a real point about his name being Harold, as if that's a well-known philanderer's name.

[30:56] Everyone knows to look out for Harold.

[30:59] Well, one, she's having sex with an improv form, which is bad enough.

[31:04] And two, maybe it's Herod in the Bible.

[31:07] The one who sent Jesus to his Mary.

[31:11] That would be even worse if it was like,

[31:13] you're having sex with Herod? He wanted all the Jewish children killed.

[31:18] Anyway, or firstborn sons, whatever it was.

[31:23] And Zach is pulling away from his girlfriend because he doesn't want to admit he has a girlfriend.

[31:30] And her dad, who he...

[31:32] Okay, you know what? We didn't even talk about his meeting her dad.

[31:36] One of the great American cinemas scenes.

[31:39] Let's back up, though.

[31:41] The ostensible reason...

[31:43] Back up before we whack up.

[31:45] The ostensible reason that no one wants to get into a relationship is solidarity with the divorce.

[31:51] And also because they're dudes out of the crowd.

[31:53] And they're dicks. They didn't want to do it before.

[31:55] That's true. They did all make an agreement to do the thing they were already...

[31:59] Remain in the lifestyle they were already living in.

[32:02] But then they found true love.

[32:05] Simultaneously at the most inconvenient time.

[32:09] When they had this deal they made.

[32:11] A non-binding agreement between friends.

[32:14] So, Imogene Poops tells Zach Nerfon that she's going to have a surprise birthday party for herself.

[32:21] Because it's the kind of quirky thing that girls in movies do.

[32:25] And it's a dress-up party.

[32:27] So, obvi, costume party, right?

[32:30] All of us regular people who would think that, except not.

[32:34] Well, because...

[32:35] When I hear the words dress-up party, I immediately think, ah, a masquerade.

[32:40] I'll put on my play clothes.

[32:42] And I'll dress up to be a knight or a lion.

[32:45] So, he decides...

[32:46] Well, maybe because the actress is English.

[32:48] And her English accent struggles through her American accent.

[32:51] I actually didn't feel that way.

[32:53] I knew she was English, but I didn't necessarily think, oh, she's doing it terrible.

[32:58] I mean, I just think she sounded like someone who was from New York.

[33:03] You got a lot to learn about New York.

[33:07] Now, she...

[33:08] Maybe he thought that she meant a fancy dress party, which would have been a masquerade ball with costumes.

[33:14] You know, a ball all up in masks.

[33:16] Like the judge has in Sweeney Todd.

[33:22] So, he thinks costume party.

[33:25] Well, I better go to a sex shop and buy a two-foot-long dildo that I can have stick out of my pants.

[33:31] So I can wear a shirt that says rock out and have my cock out.

[33:35] And Dan made a very good point.

[33:38] Like a dildo that was completely flaccid.

[33:41] It was a very long dildo, but it was super bendy and flaccid.

[33:45] Look, working at The Daily Show, I've come into contact with a surprising number of dildos as props.

[33:50] I've never seen a dildo like that.

[33:52] Very rubbery.

[33:53] I mean, we all work at The Daily Show.

[33:56] Yeah, but you guys didn't work in the prop department.

[33:58] I did for a while.

[33:59] Just for the mechanics of it.

[34:01] Don't you remember when we were in the background of that chat with Al Madrigal?

[34:04] Yeah, and they all stood erect freely.

[34:07] Well, they didn't use any of those types of dildos on that one.

[34:09] You need a certain level of stiffness for the dildo to do the job it was made for.

[34:14] What if it was reading just within the text of the film?

[34:17] What if it was a urination dildo?

[34:19] I don't know what that means.

[34:22] For someone who wants to pretend that they're around a penis that's peeing.

[34:25] Is that a thing?

[34:27] Everything's a thing.

[34:29] Everything's a thing.

[34:31] You're saying this dildo is some sort of art piece, maybe.

[34:34] Yeah, yeah.

[34:35] Or art piece.

[34:37] That was just to make Halle laugh.

[34:39] Anyway, so he shows up at this party in this raunchy costume.

[34:42] Uh-oh, it's actually a nice party.

[34:44] And her parents are there in maybe one well-produced joke in the whole movie.

[34:50] A well-executed joke.

[34:51] Yeah, it was not like a clever joke.

[34:53] No, there were two other ones.

[34:54] I can't remember what they were.

[34:56] But one I laughed out loud and one Dan did.

[34:59] Yeah, another couple of good ones.

[35:01] But all of the jokes were of a nature where it was like,

[35:05] oh, that joke wasn't particularly clever.

[35:07] But in this case, for instance,

[35:09] the reveal of her parents being there after the dildo thing was well-timed and shot.

[35:15] Yeah, even though it was a very obvious joke.

[35:18] Very obvious joke, but also he would have seen these two older people sitting there talking.

[35:22] Similar to the scene in Evil Dead 2 when Bruce Campbell's being chased

[35:26] and he's looking straight ahead and an axe flies into frame.

[35:29] And we, the viewers, wouldn't have seen it.

[35:31] But he certainly would have seen a person running at him with an axe.

[35:34] So he shouldn't be surprised by it.

[35:36] Anyway, little Evil Dead 2 memory for everybody.

[35:39] Now, he despite—he meets—he manages to win over her parents by joking about the dildo

[35:46] and hits it off with her dad.

[35:48] Flash forward later in the movie.

[35:50] They're at the bar.

[35:51] He gets a call from her.

[35:52] Her dad has died.

[35:53] Uh-oh.

[35:54] He keeps dropping her calls because they're giving him—his friends are giving him shit about it.

[35:59] And he's like, I don't care if she's calling.

[36:01] Whatever, whatever.

[36:02] And then his friend Joe picks it up, and he's like, hey, Ellie, this is Miles Teller,

[36:08] the actor in this movie.

[36:09] You know, from Whiplash and the Spectacular Now.

[36:12] He's like, oh, yeah.

[36:13] Oh, yeah.

[36:14] He's right here.

[36:15] I can totally let you talk to him.

[36:16] Is this your tempo?

[36:17] And he's like, oh, hey, what's up?

[36:19] What?

[36:20] Oh, seriously?

[36:21] And it's at this point that Hallie went, her dad died.

[36:24] And then he said, her dad died.

[36:28] Now, cut to the next day, I guess.

[36:30] So not only did he not leave the bar and go see her that night, I guess—

[36:34] He might have.

[36:35] He may have.

[36:36] You know, that may have been a deleted scene.

[36:37] They start talking about, are you going to go to the funeral?

[36:40] And then—so, of course, we're all thinking, he's going to—he's going to break down

[36:44] his resistance, go to the funeral.

[36:45] Zach Efron got to go to that funeral.

[36:47] Now, meanwhile, Miles Teller has told his girlfriend, Chelsea, who started out as just

[36:51] a friend and then became a friend who's a girl who's a girlfriend, he told her that

[36:55] he's told his buddies that they're going out.

[36:57] If I've learned anything from Biz Markie, there's no such thing as just a friend.

[37:01] And it's too bad because he's got what she needs.

[37:04] Yeah.

[37:05] But so they all, like, meet up at Chelsea's big, huge Thanksgiving party, I guess.

[37:11] Yeah, it's a big family Thanksgiving party that her three best friends from college

[37:15] are invited to because they, like, get into hijinks at the party.

[37:18] And then she's supposed to be like, those are my boys, you know.

[37:21] So, Hallie, what were you going to say?

[37:22] I was going to say, just in terms of—

[37:24] Oh, these men of mine.

[37:25] No, but, like, OK, so I think if I'm not wrong, she is introduced as a character who

[37:31] is part of their friend group from college.

[37:35] They've all been friends for a really long time.

[37:37] And she acts as Miles's wingman.

[37:39] And he is a total jerk.

[37:41] But I could definitely understand how it's a more awkward circumstance for her and him

[37:48] to publicly announce that they are now a couple when they've been a friend group for a

[37:55] long time versus this fucking other dude who met this really cool girl and goes out with

[38:02] her all the time.

[38:03] Who everyone likes.

[38:04] Who showed up with a bourbon that she called scotch.

[38:07] But it wasn't—and was actually rye.

[38:10] Yeah.

[38:11] And played video games with the dudes.

[38:13] Like, every fucking 20-something guy's version of, like, what the hot chick is.

[38:18] Oh, she brings over whiskey and plays video games.

[38:20] She drinks and she plays video games, too, and she can hang with my bras.

[38:23] Yeah.

[38:24] There's no reason why—

[38:25] My bro-hemes or my bro-sifs get along with her.

[38:27] I mean, you guys are so provincial.

[38:30] You act like that doesn't—I mean, that's all it takes to survive in this universe.

[38:36] Trust me.

[38:38] I mean, I don't really care for video games, so I don't like that part, but I do like

[38:41] whiskey, so I understand that.

[38:42] Well, if you traded—instead of drinking and video games, if you put in going to movies

[38:47] and—

[38:48] And still keep the whiskey.

[38:49] I don't know, like—

[38:50] I'll take it.

[38:51] Something else.

[38:52] Yeah, I guess—I mean, people like—you know, are attracted to people who share interests

[38:55] with them.

[38:56] It's just there's this, like, vision—

[38:58] But they were—like, she was not given much more in terms of her personality.

[39:01] All we know about her is that she is, I guess, an author of some kind.

[39:05] Yeah.

[39:06] She likes to do the things Zac Efron likes occasionally, and she enjoys parks, and she

[39:11] wants to go to Gramercy Park, the most exclusive park in New York.

[39:15] No, no, no.

[39:16] You guys are totally brushing aside the one extraordinary feature that every, like, male

[39:23] writer tries to write into a woman character in this kind of movie, which is like,

[39:27] she can keep up with me in conversation.

[39:31] That makes her an incredible woman, which is not an extraordinary trait of a woman,

[39:35] but it definitely is framed like this in the movie.

[39:38] And in many movies like this, which is just like, oh my God, she's, like, funny and

[39:43] interesting, and we can have a conversation.

[39:45] This is a woman above all women.

[39:48] She is a price above rubies.

[39:50] Exactly.

[39:52] The other women in this are either—the two women who can kind of keep up in conversation

[39:55] are—

[39:56] I mean, Chelsea is more of, like, a keep-up-in-conversation sort of woman.

[39:58] Well, and she ends up with one of the dudes.

[40:00] It's Chelsea and Ellie.

[40:01] Meanwhile, the wife is bland as toast.

[40:04] She's got nothing.

[40:05] And all the other girls that they have sex with

[40:07] are just kind of like,

[40:08] whoa, whatever, like, yeah, they are.

[40:11] I just, well, can we talk about a relationship?

[40:13] Okay, I gotta go.

[40:14] Just like a woman.

[40:16] Yeah, this is definitely the,

[40:19] the 1% of women are women

[40:20] who can actually have a conversation.

[40:24] I'm so happy to be represented

[40:26] in movies that are marketed to me.

[40:30] I don't know that this movie was marketed to you.

[40:32] I mean, it's a rom-com, yeah.

[40:34] It's not a rom-com.

[40:35] Halle was like, Zach Efron, Mama Like.

[40:38] I mean, that's the sick thing about it is like,

[40:42] I definitely walked away liking this movie

[40:44] more than any of you two did.

[40:46] And it was most insulting to like my existence.

[40:51] That's a good point.

[40:52] I think that says more about you than about us.

[40:56] It's probably society, right?

[41:00] So, oh, so he doesn't go to the funeral, basically.

[41:04] They all go to this big Thanksgiving party.

[41:05] He skips out on his girlfriend's dad's funeral,

[41:08] which is on Thanksgiving, which is weird.

[41:11] We give segs that he's dead.

[41:13] That's the only time they can get the cemetery.

[41:16] The priest doing the service was like,

[41:19] I'm free that day because of the holiday, but.

[41:22] I get overtime, but.

[41:23] It's a secular holiday,

[41:24] so I'm not doing nothing at the church.

[41:26] I'm just darning my socks

[41:28] like it's fucking Eleanor Rigby or something.

[41:30] So they all go to the Thanksgiving party.

[41:33] I don't think he ever darns his socks in Eleanor Rigby.

[41:37] What the?

[41:38] He's darning his socks, well, something.

[41:41] Yeah, it's in the song.

[41:43] I don't think so.

[41:44] Father McKenzie.

[41:46] Except the rice at the church where the wedding has been.

[41:49] Lives in a dream, waits at the window.

[41:53] Darning his socks.

[41:54] Ah!

[41:55] Now you owe Paul McCartney a million dollars.

[41:57] No!

[41:59] Just for that?

[42:00] Yep.

[42:01] Damn you, ASCAP.

[42:02] Is it darning his socks that she keeps in a jar?

[42:05] No, that's a different verse.

[42:06] That's Eleanor Rigby has a small face,

[42:08] puts on a face that she keeps in a jar by the door.

[42:10] Okay, okay.

[42:11] It's a really beautiful song.

[42:12] Why did he keep those socks in the window?

[42:14] In a jar.

[42:14] Darning his socks.

[42:15] You know, if it's like wet outside,

[42:17] he wants to change socks.

[42:18] Yeah, okay, okay, I'm with you.

[42:20] He keeps them in a jar.

[42:22] This jar, it's one of those pickle jars

[42:24] where the top pops if it's been opened,

[42:26] so I know it's sealed for freshness.

[42:27] It's a sock jar, and when he gets enough socks in there,

[42:29] he goes down to the sock arcade at the bank.

[42:33] And just smashes it open?

[42:34] He trades it in for one big stocking.

[42:36] Yeah, he keeps them in his piggy sock.

[42:40] So they all show up at the Thanksgiving party.

[42:44] Miles Teller and Chelsea are doing it in the bathroom.

[42:47] Zac Efron wanders in to pee

[42:50] and catches them in there doing it.

[42:52] And then, because we need the other character to show up,

[42:55] Michael B. Jordan also walks into the bathroom.

[42:57] Who just dumped his wife.

[42:59] Because she found out he was still sleeping with Harold.

[43:01] Because he found out she was still sleeping with Harold.

[43:05] Yeah.

[43:06] You said the other way around.

[43:07] Oh, I was wrong.

[43:08] Pronoun trouble.

[43:09] And then he uses an elaborate wine metaphor

[43:13] to make the point that their relationship isn't working.

[43:16] They all get mad.

[43:17] They get into a fist fight when their secrets come out.

[43:20] It's a real secret and lies moment.

[43:22] And...

[43:23] They all walk out of the bathroom

[43:24] while everyone is gathered around it,

[43:26] listening to their fight.

[43:28] And there is, in the background, this creepy waiter

[43:30] who's just kind of weirdly moving around

[43:34] with his head at a cocked angle,

[43:36] like a Skeksy or something like that.

[43:38] Mmm!

[43:39] Well, this is a delicious moment.

[43:44] I guess he's like...

[43:44] Miles Teller's buttocks.

[43:47] Oh yeah, because...

[43:48] Because Miles Teller and Chelsea

[43:52] were having sex in the shower,

[43:55] even though Chelsea was wearing a...

[44:00] She was wearing pants.

[44:01] A pantsuit.

[44:02] Not even pants, but a pantsuit.

[44:05] Those two love to do it with most of their clothes on.

[44:09] Most of the time when they're in bed,

[44:09] they have their shirts on.

[44:10] Very realistic.

[44:12] Yeah, but like...

[44:13] Like a fat kid at a pool.

[44:14] But she was wearing a pantsuit,

[44:16] and it's impossible to have sex

[44:18] without either taking a bottom or a top off,

[44:21] and if you're wearing a pantsuit,

[44:23] they both have to come off.

[44:23] I'd say even if you just have a top off,

[44:25] it'd be pretty difficult to have sex,

[44:27] unless you've got a belly button vagina.

[44:30] I mean...

[44:30] Here's the thing, maybe she was wearing those split pants

[44:33] that little Chinese kids wear

[44:35] so that they could just squat in the street.

[44:37] Maybe, I mean, she says skinny as a little Chinese kid.

[44:41] Maybe she was wearing a crotchless pantsuit

[44:43] to her family Thanksgiving.

[44:44] That's possible.

[44:46] She knew he was coming.

[44:49] So he walks out pantsless from the bathroom.

[44:53] Cut to...

[44:54] No full frontal.

[44:56] Sorry, lady.

[44:57] Sorry, lady, if you're looking to see his drumstick.

[45:00] Gross.

[45:01] It's so gross.

[45:04] I've never...

[45:05] Now I have an image of a different version of Whiplash

[45:07] where he's just drumming with his penis,

[45:08] but he still does that amazing solo at the end.

[45:11] But his penis...

[45:12] And he's plunging his bloody penis into ice water.

[45:15] For some reason when you said that,

[45:16] I was thinking of like a chicken drumstick.

[45:19] And I was like, what penises are shaped like that?

[45:22] Colonel Sanders.

[45:24] He had a drumstick penis.

[45:25] Okay, let's sum up what happened.

[45:28] This has been a really salty episode.

[45:30] But anyway.

[45:31] That's what happens when Hallie's here.

[45:31] They all patch it up as friends.

[45:34] And out of nowhere, Miles Teller gets hit by a car.

[45:37] So he and Chelsea have a hospital makeup.

[45:41] And Zac Efron goes to a book reading

[45:45] that Ellie has organized.

[45:46] And he reads a short story, I guess,

[45:49] that he wrote that is about their first meeting.

[45:52] He wasn't reading it.

[45:53] He was just winging it.

[45:55] He grabbed a random book and then he was winging it.

[45:59] No wonder the structuring was so patchy.

[46:03] And his use of theme and image was juvenile at best.

[46:07] And they make up, right?

[46:10] Yeah.

[46:11] So and that's the end of the matter.

[46:14] Like a Shakespeare play.

[46:15] I was gonna say, as in a Shakespeare comedy,

[46:17] they are paired up at the end.

[46:20] And the villain is, I guess, chased out of town

[46:23] or thrown in jail.

[46:23] Whatever happens to Shakespeare villains in comedies.

[46:26] You know what the villain is?

[46:27] Just humiliated usually, I feel like.

[46:29] Yeah.

[46:30] Male hubris.

[46:31] Yeah.

[46:33] Except, oh, and Michael B. Jordan calls the glasses girl

[46:37] that he met at the bar earlier in the movie.

[46:39] Like months before.

[46:41] And she was like, I've been waiting for you to call.

[46:43] She's like, I haven't had any dates in between now.

[46:46] I'm still totally single.

[46:47] I was saving myself for you, guy I met briefly in the bar.

[46:49] I'm a beautiful woman who somehow only had this one time

[46:53] a couple months ago.

[46:54] Someone show any interest in me.

[46:56] Yeah.

[46:57] So.

[46:58] So was that awkward moment when we finished watching

[47:00] the movie and we were like, why did we just watch that?

[47:02] And Halle went, that was great.

[47:05] Yeah, no, it's time for final judgments.

[47:06] Was this a good bad movie, a bad bad movie,

[47:08] or a movie you kind of liked?

[47:09] Um, Halle, let's go to you.

[47:11] Oh no, I think I should go last.

[47:13] Elliot.

[47:14] Uh, I thought it was a bad bad movie.

[47:16] Um, here's where, like, I feel like I can't go

[47:20] into the normal categories because I feel like this movie

[47:24] was totally bad, but.

[47:26] It wasn't, it wasn't, I mean, compared to our other

[47:29] bad bad movies.

[47:30] That's the thing.

[47:30] It wasn't at that level.

[47:31] It might be the curve that the Flophouse has made me

[47:34] grade movies on.

[47:35] You're in trouble with the curve.

[47:36] But I almost kind of liked this movie just because,

[47:40] like, I feel like I was consistently entertained by it

[47:43] even while realizing everything about it was terrible.

[47:46] Oh, see, this is the kind of movie that enrages me.

[47:49] So I just don't like those, I don't like those kinds

[47:51] of guys, I don't want to see them redeemed.

[47:53] No, they're a bunch of assholes.

[47:54] I don't want to spend time with them.

[47:55] I just wasn't bored by it, I guess.

[47:56] And it captures a thing that I feel like,

[47:59] I feel like there's a, there's this feeling that especially,

[48:02] that, like, young men who aren't super social

[48:06] and don't get a lot of dates,

[48:07] a feeling that I certainly had when I was younger

[48:09] about New York, where it felt like there was just this,

[48:12] like, these free-floating currents of sex in the air

[48:15] that some people knew how to capture

[48:17] and other people just could not locate or identify

[48:20] or hold onto.

[48:21] So you're saying you're a men's rights activist, right?

[48:23] That's what you're saying.

[48:23] No, I'm saying, like, I don't, I have no sympathy

[48:25] for characters in a movie where their problem is like,

[48:27] oh, I'm just having all this sex.

[48:29] I don't know what to do.

[48:31] Oh, well, my penis hurts from all the sex I've been having.

[48:35] Oh, boy, I'm such a man-child.

[48:37] I don't wanna grow up, but I'm just doing it all the time.

[48:40] I have no sympathy for them.

[48:41] Yeah, no, I understand.

[48:42] You have no ambition.

[48:43] What do you have to say?

[48:44] No, I don't think you finished your explanation.

[48:46] No, I don't.

[48:46] You were saying how much you liked it.

[48:47] No, I was saying that I thought that objectively,

[48:51] it was not a good movie and all the characters

[48:53] were bad people, but I was still entertained by it.

[48:57] I was not bored by it, so I liked it.

[49:00] I liked it.

[49:02] Yeah, I mean, I found it problematic

[49:08] to the extent that the characters we were really

[49:11] being asked to relate to are like a bunch of dudes

[49:15] who like, yeah, I get it.

[49:19] Like, why should you wanna like, like girls?

[49:24] It sucks so bad to like them.

[49:29] And as a girl, that's like, what the fuck?

[49:34] But honestly, I guess, I mean, it offends me

[49:39] that this is like a document of pop culture

[49:44] because it exists, and so I guess it exists

[49:46] in some reality, but because it is so far

[49:49] from my actual experience of culture in New York,

[49:55] and like, probably it exists, but like,

[49:57] I don't hang out in fucking Murray Hill with a.

[50:00] bunch of frat dudes Murray Hill referenced in this movie.

[50:05] This movie is influencing you in ways you didn't even realize.

[50:07] No, but like it's enough of a non-reality that like it makes me angry that it exists

[50:13] as a cultural document, but like I can have enough distance from it as like a rom-com

[50:20] that I'm like, yes, let that man be tamed by the woman who deserves him.

[50:25] So I had very complicated feelings about this, but like basically, uh, if this is supposed

[50:31] to be any like real item of, uh, culture, I mean, I don't think the movie was, was aiming

[50:40] high or attempting to mirror reality in any way.

[50:44] I mean, that's what scares me though.

[50:45] I think it like might real, like, I don't know.

[50:49] Just for that awkward moment, you know, that awkward moment, whatever the fuck that refers

[50:54] to.

[50:56] It's exactly the awkward moment.

[50:57] It's like, I mean, I feel like it's pretty clear that the awkward moment is like the

[51:01] moment when the girl asked the dude to be her boyfriend.

[51:05] Zac Efron talks about how it never good when a girl says, so it's always going to be with,

[51:10] so where's this going?

[51:12] Or so what is, what is this thing we have here?

[51:14] And it's, it like, yeah, the movie is about, I guess I, I'm sure there are plenty of guys

[51:20] who have that fear where they're like, I want to fly free, man.

[51:22] I don't want to be tied down to some lady with her lady parts.

[51:27] But the lady parts, by the way, was the Western that I wrote.

[51:32] But the, I haven't, I like have so little sympathy for those characters and I don't

[51:37] want to see them.

[51:38] I don't care if they learn their lesson or not, basically.

[51:42] Yeah.

[51:43] Like the idea that they automatically go into situations, not wanting to form an emotional

[51:48] connection with another human being, but I want them as sociopaths to me.

[51:52] Right.

[51:53] But I want to like, because there's some sick, uh, like draw to seeing, like hating that

[52:02] narrative, but like feeling some satisfaction that like the woman actually reaches the man.

[52:10] I want to like draw some, uh, like alternate universe comparison of like, it's like the

[52:19] lame ass, like 80s movie where the girl is really hot and the, I mean, I'm like trying

[52:26] to, no, that, that wouldn't guys would, that wouldn't reach you.

[52:29] But I feel like there is some parallel where like the girl is like hot and uninteresting

[52:34] and then like nerd guy somehow gets her and that is like a triumph.

[52:40] There's totally movies where that happens.

[52:41] Yeah.

[52:42] But I feel like you guys would in as individuals actually like find like not real, I mean like

[52:51] the, you guys would be like compelled to watch in the same way that like for some stupid

[52:56] reason I'm, I mean, compelled to watch it.

[52:58] Does the girl take her clothes off in the movie or, I mean, I do think that like most

[53:01] of those movies though do have the trope of like the guy wants the really hot girl, but

[53:05] then he realized, he realized he should be his best friend is actually Teen Wolf Syndrome

[53:10] or TWS.

[53:11] Right.

[53:12] And then his friend is way cuter.

[53:13] Yeah.

[53:14] Boof is totally cuter than the other.

[53:15] She just has a dumb name.

[53:16] Boof.

[53:17] Um.

[53:18] It's not, it's not almost as dumb a name as Poots.

[53:19] Here's the thing that it's like.

[53:21] So that's the super lame thing because this movie is even about like the guy who's a loser

[53:28] getting the best friend and then realizing that she's the hotter one.

[53:33] So that's so fucked up.

[53:34] This is so fucked up.

[53:36] It is everything you hate, Hallie.

[53:38] Hallie, I think you've discovered that there's gender inequality in this nation.

[53:43] I also don't like, so he wins back Ellie.

[53:47] So do they have a future now?

[53:48] Is it just gonna be like a funny story the time that he didn't show up at her dad's funeral?

[53:52] Like, hey kids, let me tell you about the time your dad didn't show up at my dad's funeral.

[53:57] Like that's a terrible thing or is she just going to lord it over him for the rest of

[54:00] her life?

[54:01] You see, he made an agreement with his two loser buddies.

[54:03] Uh, honey, I don't know if I can make it to that work thing you have tonight.

[54:06] Oh really?

[54:08] I remember another thing you couldn't make it to when one of my parents died.

[54:11] All right.

[54:12] Uh, we got, it's not, it's a dysfunctional relationship.

[54:15] All right.

[54:16] So wait, what was the designation?

[54:18] Uh, mixed.

[54:19] The designation is mixed.

[54:22] Okay.

[54:23] Um, that awkward moment you broke our system.

[54:25] We got to move on.

[54:26] Um, and just once more, uh, remind folks that it's, uh, max fund drive 2015 time.

[54:34] Max fund drive 2015.

[54:36] Pledge often.

[54:37] Pledge early.

[54:38] Uh, if you go to maximumfund.org and click on donate, you can donate to all of your favorite

[54:42] shows.

[54:43] Donations support the shows that you listen to.

[54:46] You're able to designate which shows you listen to.

[54:49] Designate the flop house.

[54:50] And if you donate, you know, you'll feel great when you listen to the show.

[54:53] You'll know you're contributing.

[54:54] Uh, you'll help us reach our goal of 2000 new and or upgrading members.

[55:00] You'll get great pledge gifts.

[55:01] I won't go through them again because we talked about them earlier.

[55:03] Minimum pledge is $5 a month.

[55:05] Yeah.

[55:06] And if you donate early, think about it.

[55:07] That's $2 and 50 cents an episode of the flop house.

[55:10] You can't even buy a comic book for $2 and 50 cents and yet you're getting an hour's

[55:14] worth of entertainment with your three best friends, Elliot, Dan, and Stuart sub TBD.

[55:20] And at the $5 a month level, you, uh, get the bonus content, which at this point you're,

[55:27] you're not getting just the bonus content for this year.

[55:29] You're getting bonus content for all the previous pledge drives years.

[55:33] So that's like, that's tens of hours of different podcasts, not just us, everyone on the max

[55:39] fund network.

[55:40] Um, and $5 is just the minimum.

[55:42] You can pledge more than that and you get more for it.

[55:45] And they're also, we have challenged donors.

[55:47] You get a collapse of a water bottle.

[55:50] That's pretty sweet.

[55:51] Just grab a Ziploc bag.

[55:52] Whoa, whoa, you're going way off message.

[55:55] A Ziploc bag went full of water.

[55:57] Are you going to drink out of that Hallie?

[55:59] Um, but I also want to mention that there are challenged donors, current members who

[56:04] are pledging, uh, money, um, be as a nickel dime or quarter per each new or upgrading

[56:11] member.

[56:12] So your money can be not matched, but augmented by, you're actually helping us to get even

[56:18] more than what you pledge when you pledge and it helps keep the network alive.

[56:24] It helps keeps us doing this podcast because frankly guys, this podcast takes a lot of

[56:29] time and I've got a baby at home and we got to make it worth my while if you know what

[56:33] I mean.

[56:34] I'm doing that thing with my hands.

[56:35] That means money, please.

[56:37] And if you're a current member, uh, think about upgrading, uh, you will get access to

[56:43] all of the new pledge gifts.

[56:45] Um, and, uh, also if you're a current member, why not just go to maximum fun and, uh, select

[56:52] the flop house as one of the podcasts that you listen to.

[56:56] You should be doing this right now.

[56:57] If you didn't do it at the beginning of the podcast, when I told you to do it right now,

[57:01] I'm disappointed in you and you should do it right now now because you're going to forget

[57:03] otherwise that you're going to make, write a note for yourself.

[57:06] Every time you see it, you're going to be like, oh yeah, I should do that.

[57:08] You should do it now, get out of the way, do it now, support your podcast that you love

[57:14] and you'll get all the stuff that John, that Dan mentioned before.

[57:18] If you just pledge those amounts, the collapsible water bottle, Hallie's favorite, and you will

[57:25] also get the satisfaction of knowing that thanks to you, this podcast is pod-sible.

[57:32] That's possible with pod in it for podcast.

[57:34] Um, so let's move on to letters from listeners, um, listeners like you, the people who should

[57:42] be donating right now.

[57:44] Uh, the first letter comes from Cody last name withheld who writes, pardon me, I'm going

[57:51] to, he's crying.

[57:52] He wrote, pardon me.

[57:53] Uh, I'm flying from Montreal to London.

[57:56] Or she, Cody can be a girl or a bear.

[58:00] Dan had to stifle a burp.

[58:01] That's why he said, pardon me.

[58:02] I'm flying from Montreal to London at the time of writing and while his in-flight entertainment

[58:06] stepped up its game, whoever it is, Air Canada has picking movies for the onboard system

[58:11] is kind of my hero.

[58:12] Though I worry they may lose their job given that they selected proven audience pleasers

[58:17] like the tree of life, serious man, and James Gray is the immigrant.

[58:21] Also I've seen them all and they're all sad.

[58:24] Take the saddest flight there is.

[58:26] Also making appearances Terry Gilliam's zero theorem, which as of the writing of this email

[58:31] hadn't even had a North American theatrical release yet, which leads me into my question.

[58:36] When the in-flight entertainment system has a film you suspect you'll love, do you go

[58:39] for it or wait to watch it in an environment with a lower chance of screaming babies, emergency

[58:43] landings over water, and the person next to you watching the clumps?

[58:47] I was in the situation on another flight that had the 400 blows, seriously who chooses these,

[58:53] where I decided to hold off for a better viewing experience, which never came since I've not

[58:57] gotten around to watching it.

[58:58] If you do hold off on watching certain movies, what do you go for instead to numb the pain

[59:02] of long plane trips?

[59:04] Yours flopping it across the Atlantic, Cody last name withheld.

[59:08] Now Dan, I know you love to watch movies on planes.

[59:10] Now this is a fallacy.

[59:13] There's been a lot of talk of fallacies tonight.

[59:17] No I've specified movies that I watch on planes for this very reason, because in general I

[59:23] feel like you don't want to watch a great movie on a plane, you want to watch an amiable

[59:28] time passer, and so I've always specified.

[59:31] That sounds like the lamest Bond villain, ah amiable time passer.

[59:37] I've always specified when I have watched a movie on a plane, just to clarify the mindset

[59:43] I was in.

[59:44] Sure, lack of oxygen.

[59:46] I did once watch 12 Years a Slave on a plane, because I knew that I was not going to watch

[59:52] it otherwise.

[59:53] I was like, this movie is going to make me too upset otherwise, so the best time to watch

[59:58] it will be when I'm literally...

[1:00:00] I mean, I prefer to read on planes.

[1:00:10] I really like reading on flights and I like to see if I can knock out a whole book on

[1:00:14] a flight if it's a long one, like a cross-country flight.

[1:00:17] I will say I usually don't like to watch movies because you can't hear them as well and it's

[1:00:23] not as good an experience.

[1:00:24] But if I hadn't watched Yodorovsky's Dune on a flight, I don't think I would have gotten

[1:00:29] a chance to see it at this point, just because it's been hard for me to fit movies into my

[1:00:33] schedule.

[1:00:34] So I wanted to take advantage of that flight opportunity and I really enjoyed it that way.

[1:00:37] So I'm glad that I did.

[1:00:39] So if it's a movie that is like a documentary, I think a flight makes more sense to me.

[1:00:46] Well, I like to read also on planes.

[1:00:50] If I have started a book that I'm already super into and it's long, I love to do that

[1:00:56] rather than watch a movie.

[1:00:58] But I definitely have watched both Nacho Libre on a plane, on one of those planes where there's

[1:01:09] like a scheduled viewing time.

[1:01:12] And so I watched it once and it was a long enough flight that I thought it was so great

[1:01:18] I watched it twice and I would have never liked it outside of the context of an airplane.

[1:01:24] And I also watched, um, you know, what the fuck, fucking Rosebud movie, Citizen Kane.

[1:01:31] Yes.

[1:01:32] I also watched it.

[1:01:33] It's also known what the fuck, fucking Rosebud movie, Citizen Kane on a plane.

[1:01:38] And you know, I'm not sure I would have made time for that if I wasn't crossing the Atlantic,

[1:01:44] right?

[1:01:45] Uh, a great movie.

[1:01:47] Yeah.

[1:01:48] Although it makes me think that that Samuel L. Jackson needs a movie now called Canes

[1:01:51] on a Plane.

[1:01:52] There's too many canes on that plane.

[1:01:54] Charles Foster Kane, that is.

[1:01:57] And I watched A Miracle on a Plane.

[1:01:59] That's a really good movie.

[1:02:00] The hockey movie?

[1:02:01] Everybody was asleep when the American team won that game.

[1:02:07] And I was crying and wondering why people wouldn't wake up to just appreciate that moment.

[1:02:13] I've watched Netflix movies on planes when they have Wi-Fi, if that counts.

[1:02:19] I watched I Confess, the Hitchcock movie on a plane.

[1:02:23] So I think that didn't help you at all.

[1:02:26] Nope.

[1:02:27] It turns out everyone, I guess, actually, you know what, the best movie experience I

[1:02:30] think I had on a plane was when I was sitting next to a co-worker of all of ours on a plane

[1:02:35] and he was watching the amazing Burt Wonderstone.

[1:02:38] And I was just every now and then glancing at his screen and just being like, wow, that

[1:02:41] looks bad.

[1:02:42] Who was that?

[1:02:43] And then turning away.

[1:02:44] What?

[1:02:45] Who was it?

[1:02:46] Adam Lovett.

[1:02:47] Oh.

[1:02:48] I have a question.

[1:02:49] We are flying back from Turkey.

[1:02:50] Next letter, but also a question.

[1:02:53] I have a very important question to ask you.

[1:02:55] Don't ask me why or how this came up, but yesterday my roommate and I were discussing

[1:02:59] Well, so you can ask us a question, we can't ask you.

[1:03:01] Hallie, it's a letter.

[1:03:02] We actually couldn't ask anyway.

[1:03:05] My roommate and I were discussing a certain scene in Ghostbusters.

[1:03:10] The blowjob scene?

[1:03:12] Yes.

[1:03:13] And found ourselves in a quandary.

[1:03:14] Because every other scene is so perfect, you wouldn't need to discuss it.

[1:03:17] It's the one problem in the movie.

[1:03:18] It's the one where Dan Aykroyd's character, Ray, gets a blowjob from a ghost.

[1:03:23] Considering how often this topic comes up in any given episode of the Flophouse, I thought

[1:03:28] you would be the right people to ask.

[1:03:30] What do you think happened afterward?

[1:03:32] What happened to the semen?

[1:03:33] Did it pass through the ghost as most solid objects would?

[1:03:37] Oh, really?

[1:03:38] The movie does establish that ghosts can pass through solid things, but does that mean they

[1:03:42] can swallow things as well?

[1:03:44] Slimer certainly swallows a ton of shit.

[1:03:45] I suppose it's equally possible that Ray never finished, but given the look on his

[1:03:48] face before the scene cuts, that seems unlikely.

[1:03:52] I'm guessing that all of you have thought about this a lot.

[1:03:56] Nope!

[1:03:57] Please.

[1:03:58] And we've had discussions about what the Cryptkeeper's penis looks like.

[1:04:01] Please respond with any insight you may have.

[1:04:02] With all my love, Kate, last name withheld.

[1:04:05] Thanks, Kate.

[1:04:06] Thanks for writing in.

[1:04:07] Let's remember that that scene is a dream that Ray is having, so it's possible he didn't

[1:04:13] think through what happens next and he just rolls over in bed as it happens in the movie.

[1:04:18] Yeah.

[1:04:19] Or rolls out of bed.

[1:04:20] Now, wasn't that left over from a scene that got cut?

[1:04:22] That was left over from a scene that got cut where they go to the Museum of Natural History

[1:04:26] or something.

[1:04:27] Of course.

[1:04:28] I guess it wouldn't be natural history.

[1:04:29] If it was natural history, he'd get a blowjob from a Tyrannosaurus.

[1:04:32] Yeah.

[1:04:33] There's some reason why he was dressed up like Napoleon or whatever he was in that scene.

[1:04:38] He goes to the museum and that whole thing was cut.

[1:04:41] Rightfully so.

[1:04:42] Here's what I think happens.

[1:04:43] I'd love to see that footage now and see what the scene was supposed to be, but maybe it's

[1:04:46] on a DVD.

[1:04:47] Here's what I think happens.

[1:04:49] He's getting a blowjob from a ghost.

[1:04:50] He closes his eyes.

[1:04:51] He opens them again.

[1:04:52] It's the guy in a bear suit from The Shining.

[1:04:54] Oh, no, and Shelley Duvall is screaming at him.

[1:04:57] That's what happens.

[1:04:58] Dan, what do you think?

[1:05:01] I don't want to think about it.

[1:05:04] So this last letter.

[1:05:05] I remember as a kid being so weirded out by that scene.

[1:05:09] It was so much, in its own way, scarier than the library ghost in the beginning, which

[1:05:14] was otherwise the scariest part of the movie.

[1:05:15] It was scary because you were confused by it.

[1:05:18] Exactly.

[1:05:19] I was like, Mama, Dada, what is that ghost doing to that man?

[1:05:23] And they were like, uh, uh, she's inflating him.

[1:05:28] So this last letter.

[1:05:29] Go back to bed.

[1:05:30] This last letter.

[1:05:31] You've got to wake up early tomorrow to enjoy more of our driving trip through Canada.

[1:05:35] This last letter.

[1:05:36] We were in a motel.

[1:05:37] It's from my dad.

[1:05:39] Last name withheld.

[1:05:42] My dad writes.

[1:05:43] So let me guess what his last name is.

[1:05:47] Yeah.

[1:05:48] It's really your dad?

[1:05:49] Yeah.

[1:05:50] He writes, during a recent morning walk, I was listening to your discussion of I Frankenstein.

[1:05:54] I forgot your parents listen to this podcast.

[1:05:57] You mentioned that the army of gargoyles slash angels were using a cross with three slashes

[1:06:01] as their symbol and then proceeded to engage in some speculation about what that meant.

[1:06:06] Well, it could have been a papal cross, which has three cross pieces in a shorter and longer

[1:06:12] descending pattern at the top of the vertical piece.

[1:06:15] Or it could have been the Orthodox cross, which has two cross pieces at the top and

[1:06:19] a longer slanting piece near the bottom of the vertical piece.

[1:06:21] In that same episode, you raised a metaphysical question as to why an all powerful deity would

[1:06:27] need an army of gargoyles slash angels.

[1:06:30] You thereby perpetuated a longstanding faulty and unnecessary assumption, namely that God

[1:06:34] is omnipotent in the sense of possessing all the power.

[1:06:38] I'm hereby assigning a book for you to read, Charles Hartstone's Omnipotence and Other

[1:06:43] Theological Mistakes, yours for a more religiously and philosophically informed flophouse.

[1:06:48] Dad last name.

[1:06:49] So I assume, Dan, that as a good son, you've read this book already and you can tell us

[1:06:52] what it's about.

[1:06:53] Yeah, it's about omnipotence and other theological mistakes.

[1:06:58] I like the idea.

[1:06:59] It's a mistake as in like the science is clear.

[1:07:02] Omnipotence is not one of the things that God has.

[1:07:04] He has freeze ray powers, heat breath, flight, invisibility.

[1:07:09] He can read minds and he can talk to fish.

[1:07:12] He does not have omnipotence.

[1:07:13] That's the incredible Mr. Olympia in that fish sense.

[1:07:17] Yeah.

[1:07:18] Yeah.

[1:07:19] Because the incredible Mr. Olympia had heat breath.

[1:07:20] He can turn invisible, read minds.

[1:07:21] He can do that thing that Alex Mack does.

[1:07:25] She turns into a puddle.

[1:07:26] Freezes time and turns it into a puddle.

[1:07:28] She couldn't freeze time.

[1:07:29] That was out of this world.

[1:07:30] Oh.

[1:07:31] I thought Alex Mack could just turn into a puddle of the same CGI goo and slide under

[1:07:34] doors.

[1:07:35] Well, a guy can do that.

[1:07:36] Right?

[1:07:37] Yeah.

[1:07:38] Sure.

[1:07:39] Dad, last name with Alex McCoy?

[1:07:40] Yes.

[1:07:41] Maybe Alex Mack had other powers.

[1:07:42] I thought she could just turn into a puddle of goo.

[1:07:43] I thought she could freeze time.

[1:07:44] I think it's just out of this world girl who can freeze time.

[1:07:50] You mean my two dads?

[1:07:52] We probably.

[1:07:53] No, no.

[1:07:54] Out of this world.

[1:07:55] My two dads, she had no superpowers.

[1:07:56] You're right.

[1:07:57] You're right.

[1:07:58] So this theological discussion about out of this world.

[1:07:59] There's the Punky Brewster TV show that was live action where she had no powers.

[1:08:03] And there was the cartoon show where she had a floating magic kind of hamster from another

[1:08:07] planet.

[1:08:08] I always want you here with me.

[1:08:12] So many residuals you should be paying for.

[1:08:15] Well, that's why we need these pledges, people.

[1:08:17] You've got to pay our legal bills.

[1:08:20] Against Paul McCartney, composer of the Punky Brewster theme song.

[1:08:23] So thank you for sending us theologically straight.

[1:08:27] Are you sure that Paul McCartney wrote Eleanor Rigby?

[1:08:30] Well, he's probably credited as McCartney-Lennon since all their songs were, depending on who

[1:08:35] wrote them.

[1:08:36] But since he's saying it, I would say.

[1:08:37] Yeah, usually they would sing the songs they wrote.

[1:08:38] All right.

[1:08:40] And it fits into, he had more of a quaint England view of things, like Penny Lane and

[1:08:45] stuff like that.

[1:08:47] Whereas John Lennon wasn't as interested in those types of things for the most part.

[1:08:51] And it's more emotional.

[1:08:52] Which is not to say that he didn't.

[1:08:53] And John Lennon was less interested in emotions.

[1:08:54] Well, I don't know about that.

[1:08:56] I mean, he was the only one who ever fell in love.

[1:08:59] I don't know if that's true.

[1:09:02] You mean in history, or?

[1:09:05] Of the Beatles.

[1:09:08] You know.

[1:09:09] What about the In My Life?

[1:09:10] That's a pretty emotional song.

[1:09:11] That's true.

[1:09:12] All right.

[1:09:13] Fine.

[1:09:14] You've disproved my thesis.

[1:09:15] Just like your dad disproved your omnipotence thing.

[1:09:16] Tell your dad you love him and go to bed.

[1:09:17] I love you, dad.

[1:09:18] Anyway.

[1:09:19] That was sweet.

[1:09:20] I love you too, Dan's dad.

[1:09:22] Move on.

[1:09:23] Hey.

[1:09:24] Dan's dad.

[1:09:26] I'm not ready to say it yet.

[1:09:29] When she is ready, you'll know.

[1:09:30] Because she'll get a skywriter.

[1:09:33] Let's move on to the last segment of the evening.

[1:09:38] Recommendations of movies we actually liked.

[1:09:40] Oh, no.

[1:09:41] Did you forget that this is part of the...

[1:09:43] Don't worry about me.

[1:09:46] Okay.

[1:09:47] Was that a threat?

[1:09:49] I don't know whether that's a yes or no.

[1:09:53] But I'll start off.

[1:09:55] I watched a movie called Cold in July.

[1:10:00] make any sense. It's based on a Joe R. Lansdale book and it stars Michael

[1:10:06] C. Hall, Sam Shepard and Don Johnson which is a pretty interesting cast.

[1:10:13] Michael C. Hall and Sam Shepard, excellent as you would expect. Don Johnson

[1:10:17] has aged into a very fun character actor and it's a Texas noir. It starts with

[1:10:25] Michael C. Hall shooting a guy, an intruder, into his house. He shoots the

[1:10:31] intruder into his house? An intruder intrudes into his house and Michael C.

[1:10:35] Hall is a mild-mannered... He doesn't have like a cannon and he shoots the intruder

[1:10:39] out of it into his house. Michael C. Hall is a mild-mannered gentleman who shoots

[1:10:43] an intruder and then discovers that the cops might be lying about who they

[1:10:50] say the intruder was and to say any more would be too much. There's a lot of

[1:10:56] twists in the movie. A betrayal to Michael C. Hall. Yeah I would say that

[1:11:00] the number of sort of like twists and unpredictable turns that the

[1:11:05] movie takes might be too many actually. Like it might skew too far in the

[1:11:11] direction of like well this doesn't necessarily hang together as a story. I'm

[1:11:15] not really sure what it's saying but the fact that the atmosphere is so good and

[1:11:19] the performances are so good still make it really entertaining. It kind of has

[1:11:24] some of the same tone as Blue Ruin. Not as good but I recommend it. If you like

[1:11:29] something like Blood Simple also you might enjoy it. Who doesn't like Blood Simple?

[1:11:33] Cold in July. So that's my recommendation. Elliot? Should I go next? I'll go next so

[1:11:39] you can finish it off. Okay. So I would recommend... I don't know if any of you

[1:11:47] guys, I'm sure many of you guys unless you guys are too cool for this, but I've

[1:11:52] been pretty caught up in the whole Robert Durst mystery unfolding arrest

[1:11:58] handle. But that started actually you know a handful of years ago when I saw

[1:12:05] the really bad movie. No it's not really bad. It's a good... no I'm recommending it. So if

[1:12:12] you're interested in the genre of Robert Durst. The movie that piqued my interest initially was

[1:12:20] All Good Things which is the dramatic you know it's a dramatization of and

[1:12:30] it's the same guy who like this was his window in the guy who directed it whose

[1:12:35] name I should know. Andrew Jarecki? Yeah. The Captain of the Freedmen's guy? Yeah and so he

[1:12:39] directed this All Good Things movie which was Ryan Gosling starring as

[1:12:46] Robert Durst and Kirsten Dunn starring as Kathleen whatever the fuck her name

[1:12:52] is. Durst's wife. No McCormick? Was that her name? I don't know. But his wife who

[1:12:58] disappeared and this was like what initially like Robert Durst saw this and

[1:13:04] reached out to Jarecki. I saw that movie about how a murderer. And was like oh like you're the only one who

[1:13:12] like really understands me like I want to do an interview with me I want to do

[1:13:17] an interview interview with you which they developed into this HBO series but

[1:13:22] it's like you know if you didn't have the actual record of the real Robert

[1:13:31] Durst talking to you it was incredibly fascinating to just hear this story and

[1:13:35] it's so poorly cast with like Ryan Gosling as this guy and Kirsten Dunst as

[1:13:41] this woman that it's like just weird enough and fascinating enough to like

[1:13:46] see if you're wrapped up in the whole news story that's unfolding. So I would

[1:13:52] recommend that and it's you know it's engaging like you want to watch it. What

[1:13:57] was the name of the movie again? All Good Things. All Good Things. I'm gonna recommend a

[1:14:02] movie that I saw recently that I really enjoyed. I feel like half of my

[1:14:06] recommendations these days are Eastern European movies from the 60s and this

[1:14:10] one is no exception. This is a movie called Man is Not a Bird by the Serbian

[1:14:16] at the time Yugoslavian but now Yugoslavia doesn't exist anymore.

[1:14:20] Serbian writer-director Dujan Makavejev I think his name is pronounced and it is

[1:14:26] like a lot of these kind of Eastern European new wave movies from the 60s

[1:14:31] when things were loosening up slightly around the communist film industries but

[1:14:36] not quite enough yet. It's kind of like a you know a French new wave-ish type

[1:14:43] movie filtered through a Yugoslavian communist lens about a couple different

[1:14:49] types characters but mainly about an engineer who comes into this kind of

[1:14:54] depressing town built around a metal refinery and he's gonna install in a

[1:15:02] mine he's gonna install this new mining equipment and while there he rooms at

[1:15:07] the house at a house run by these two older this older couple and their

[1:15:12] daughter who is younger than him but is a young adult and she begins to kind of

[1:15:18] woo him and he woo her back and they have this brief relationship that at the

[1:15:24] same time becomes a metaphor in some ways or the things around them become

[1:15:29] metaphor for life under a communist government and there's a circus sideshow

[1:15:35] at one point there's hypnotists there's a crazy character who gets into fights

[1:15:39] who has a wife and a mistress and they get into a big public fistfight the wife

[1:15:44] and mistress and then later become best friends and start hanging out all the

[1:15:47] time together there are some really funny things but then it ends on a much

[1:15:51] bleaker note than you expect going into it and it's one of these kind of

[1:15:56] mid-60s European movies that's shot really gorgeously with a lot of like

[1:15:59] very natural looking images but really crisp and a lot of handheld camera but

[1:16:03] not blurry and I just enjoyed a lot so if you get the chance go seek it out

[1:16:10] it's called man is not a bird I really liked a lot man is not a bird that's

[1:16:17] the lesson I've learned my title is really true there's a lot of truth in

[1:16:22] that movie starting with the title Hallie it's been a delight thank you so much

[1:16:29] for coming in and filling in for Stewart wearing Sarah's sweater you filled

[1:16:35] Stewart's shoes and Sarah's sweater thanks for watching this movie with us

[1:16:39] and enjoying the rom and the calm thank you for having me a lot very much and

[1:16:50] listeners hope you enjoyed this episode and show your enjoyment by pledging what

[1:16:54] do you get when you pledge you'll get the bonus episode so really twice as

[1:16:58] much flophouse as you're used to if you pledge at maximum fun org in a

[1:17:02] collapsible water bottle okay I mean anything that you really want this

[1:17:08] mentioning it and your birthday is coming up but for the flophouse another

[1:17:16] episode I've been Dan McCoy that the subtitle of this episode like another

[1:17:21] 48 hours it's not a very well thought out so flophouse colon another you know

[1:17:28] I've been Dan McCoy I think I'm still Elliot Kalin I hope I'm still Hallie

[1:17:35] Haglund good night everyone yeah you pet that cat Hallie

[1:17:47] so we watched a pretty heavy movie tonight people so I'm just probably

[1:17:52] gonna get a lot of that dynamic yeah I mean it's if you if either you need to

[1:17:56] cry I know I will just feel like it's the same thing

[1:17:59] Dan is crying but he's biting his fist I mean I cry because his fist is

[1:18:05] delicious it's here his fist is made of fondant that tastes terrible I'm fond of

[1:18:12] it so this is then a bunch of unusual bullshit yeah so let's start with the

[1:18:18] episode maybe so let's start the show you might even want to delete what just

[1:18:21] went oh this is all going in the outtakes that really not really out even

[1:18:27] energy you're now it can't spell Hallie without E for energy and H for hell

Ep. #174 - That Awkward Moment

Chapters

Transcript

Description