Ep. #174 - That Awkward Moment

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode of the Flophouse, we watched that awkward moment.

[0:04] More like that awkward movie.

[0:06] What?

[0:07] What?

[0:30] Hey everyone, welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:38] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:39] I'm Elliot Kalin.

Hallie Haglund

[0:41] And I'm Hallie Haglund.

[0:43] Surprise!

Elliott Kalan

[0:44] Stuart, you look and sound different.

[0:45] You have a different name.

Hallie Haglund

[0:46] No, no, no.

[0:48] I'm Stuart.

[0:50] With a different name.

[0:51] Wait.

Elliott Kalan

[0:53] That's the least convincing in disguise.

[0:56] We have some news for the Flophouse listeners.

[0:58] Stuart was peeing in a fountain with Hallie.

[1:00] Oh, okay.

[1:01] And now they've switched except they still use the names of their bodies.

Dan McCoy

[1:06] And Hallie is looking very Grey Gardens right now because she borrowed a sweater from my wife.

[1:12] Which is slung around her.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14] And your wife is Little Edie.

[1:15] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[1:17] From Grey Gardens.

[1:18] I married her for her money and then that did not go well.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21] I married her for her raccoons.

[1:25] I always wanted to marry a raccoon, heiress.

Dan McCoy

[1:28] She's got many raccoons.

[1:31] Some bite-ier than others.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35] So Hallie, thanks for joining us this week.

Hallie Haglund

[1:37] But she gave them all the way to her nieces.

[1:40] What?

Elliott Kalan

[1:41] I'm not sure how that fits into the story.

Hallie Haglund

[1:45] Sometimes that happens with the ants.

Dan McCoy

[1:49] They will their raccoons to their nieces.

Elliott Kalan

[1:52] Hallie, is that what your favorite aunt did to you?

[1:55] Gave you her raccoons?

Dan McCoy

[1:56] Tell us what your aunt did to you, Hallie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:58] No.

[1:58] Show us on this doll where your aunt gave you raccoons.

Hallie Haglund

[2:01] It was in my arms.

Dan McCoy

[2:04] And they were beautiful.

[2:06] They were like little bandits.

Elliott Kalan

[2:08] So unfortunately, Stuart Wellington of the Flophouse could not be with us tonight.

[2:12] Because he's dead.

[2:14] And one of us is the killer.

[2:16] It was me.

[2:17] Anyway, moving on.

[2:18] No, he's fine.

[2:19] Mystery solved.

[2:20] Another Elliot Kalin mystery.

[2:22] I solve them quick because I commit the crimes.

Dan McCoy

[2:24] I will take the blame for this to some degree in that my stupid body got sick.

Elliott Kalan

[2:34] My stupid body, which was your EDM album?

Dan McCoy

[2:36] Yeah.

[2:37] We were supposed to tape yesterday when all four of us could be here.

[2:42] And Hallie would be a special bonus guest.

[2:44] Instead, she is a replacement host.

[2:47] You've been upgraded.

[2:49] Yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[2:49] I'm more downgraded because I'm a paltry replacement for a great man.

[2:57] May he rest in Puerto Rico because that's where he is, bitches.

Dan McCoy

[3:02] Wow.

[3:04] Did Stuart tell you to gloat on his behalf?

[3:06] I don't understand.

[3:09] Yeah.

[3:09] He's in Puerto Rico celebrating the wedding of somebody.

Elliott Kalan

[3:13] Some person who's getting married there.

Dan McCoy

[3:18] But, this is a very special episode of the Flophouse.

[3:21] Not just because Hallie's dropped in.

Elliott Kalan

[3:23] Any excuse to say but, huh, Dan?

[3:26] I'll say it right now.

[3:28] But.

[3:29] All right.

[3:29] It's a very special episode of the Flophouse.

[3:31] Explain, please.

[3:32] This is.

[3:33] I love special things.

[3:34] I love episodes.

[3:35] I love the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[3:36] I love explanations.

[3:38] So please give us one.

[3:39] Okay.

[3:41] This is the most magical time of the Maximum Fun calendar year.

[3:46] The MaxFun drive.

Elliott Kalan

[3:49] The pledge drive from MaxFun.

[3:52] Maximum fun, maximum drive.

Dan McCoy

[3:54] Maximum pledge.

[3:56] MaxFun.

[3:57] 2015.

[3:58] Is a listener-supported network.

[4:00] It's like your PBS's or your N's P's R's.

[4:04] N's P's R?

Elliott Kalan

[4:07] Yeah.

[4:08] Yeah.

[4:08] It's listener-supported.

[4:10] So you are the listener.

[4:11] You've got to support us.

[4:12] Because without you, where would we be?

[4:14] Nowhere.

[4:15] Yeah.

[4:15] In a dumpster.

[4:17] Our bodies mangled by the killer.

[4:19] We come to you, but once.

[4:21] The killer's name?

[4:21] Hallie Haglund.

[4:22] Oh, wow.

Hallie Haglund

[4:23] Again.

[4:23] I mean, I'd be fine.

[4:24] I have an active life outside this show.

Dan McCoy

[4:27] We don't.

[4:28] Hallie, you really, like, you give away the endings to these mysteries very quickly.

Elliott Kalan

[4:32] That's where the mystery comes in.

[4:34] It's like, when's he going to reveal the answer?

[4:36] Right now.

[4:37] Okay.

[4:38] They're called Elliot Kalin's One Moment Mysteries.

[4:41] Just a way to kill a moment.

Dan McCoy

[4:43] That awkward moment mystery.

[4:44] But before we get to that awkward moment.

[4:47] The MaxFun pledge drive.

[4:49] About the MaxFun drive.

[4:50] It happens but once a year.

[4:52] We come to you hat in hand asking for your support.

[4:55] That is a nice hat, Dan.

[4:56] Thank you.

[4:57] Well worth putting support.

Hallie Haglund

[4:58] I'll tell you guys.

[5:00] Nobody actually has hats or hands here.

[5:03] Fuck up.

Elliott Kalan

[5:04] Hallie is the magic of radio.

[5:06] Fuck up.

[5:07] So we come to you and we say, donate please.

[5:10] Pledge to donate.

[5:12] And how do they do that, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[5:13] Well, here's how you do it.

[5:15] You go to MaximumFun.org and click on donate.

[5:21] Sounds easy.

[5:22] Should be doing it right now.

[5:23] And if you donate, number one, you support the shows that you love.

[5:30] And you can dictate which shows specifically that you listen to so you know that the money

[5:38] that you donate goes to the things that you enjoy and not some other thing that maybe

[5:43] you don't care about.

Elliott Kalan

[5:44] Let's say you love this podcast.

[5:45] There's another podcast on MaxFun you don't like so much.

[5:48] Judge Sean Hodgman maybe.

[5:49] And you don't want to donate to that.

[5:51] Don't worry.

[5:51] You can delineate which podcasts get the money so we get the money that you want to give to us.

Dan McCoy

[5:57] And it's a nice way to support us.

[5:58] It's a nice way to support the whole network.

[6:00] It's not just the talent as it were.

[6:05] No, but it's also the network itself.

Elliott Kalan

[6:06] The network itself.

[6:07] Putting out a lot of great material and supporting other great podcast artists.

[6:11] And you get pledge gifts.

Dan McCoy

[6:14] Pledge gifts.

[6:17] Now, there are different levels of pledges gifts you can get.

[6:22] At the $5 per month level, you get exclusive bonus content.

[6:26] This includes a bonus episode of the Flophouse.

[6:29] Now, people have been wondering, what would it be like if the Flophouse talked about a bad

[6:33] television show?

[6:35] Well, there's one way to find out.

[6:36] Pledge to MaxFun.

Elliott Kalan

[6:37] You'll get our bonus episode.

[6:39] An episode only available to MaxFun pledgers.

[6:42] So if you don't pledge, you will never know what happened in the episode.

[6:46] You'll miss out on some funny jokes.

[6:48] Stewart's in it.

[6:49] No replacement co-hosts.

[6:51] And, you know, that are maybe not as good.

Dan McCoy

[6:55] At $10 a month, you get a tote bag, a MaxFun tote bag.

[7:00] You like NPR?

[7:01] Pretend you're donating to NPR and get a MaxFun tote bag.

[7:04] But it says Maximum Fun instead of NPR.

[7:06] This is way better than NPR.

Elliott Kalan

[7:08] Therefore, it's a better tote bag.

Hallie Haglund

[7:09] That was really mean, the thing that you said before.

[7:12] About who?

[7:13] About substitute hosts?

[7:14] About substitute hosts.

Elliott Kalan

[7:15] Well, I'll tell you.

Hallie Haglund

[7:17] Just so you know, I came here out of the goodness of my heart.

[7:20] Because you guys begged me to come.

Dan McCoy

[7:23] That's true.

[7:24] And we changed the date on you several times.

[7:27] Like a bunch of jerks.

[7:28] We really appreciate you being here.

[7:29] Yeah.

[7:30] But for $20 per month, you can get an in-flight power pack that has a mobile device charger,

[7:34] collapsible water bottle, antibacterial wipes, pilot wings.

[7:38] All that you would want if you were taking a flight somewhere and all emblazoned with the Maximum Fun rocket ship logo.

Elliott Kalan

[7:45] The kind of thing Dan might take with him while, say, watching a movie on a plane.

[7:49] His favorite place to watch movies.

Dan McCoy

[7:51] $35 per month.

[7:52] A pair of rocket engraved shot glasses.

[7:54] $100 per month.

[7:55] Membership in the Inner Circle, which is a monthly culture club where you get a curated piece of culture every month.

Elliott Kalan

[8:04] And we're not talking like germ cultures.

[8:05] We're talking like books and art, things like that.

[8:08] Stuff people like.

[8:09] Yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[8:09] These are all sounds made up.

[8:11] Are these real things that people can get?

[8:12] These are actual things.

Elliott Kalan

[8:13] These are as.

[8:13] Do not undercut the pledge.

[8:15] As amazing as they sound, they're all real, Hallie.

Hallie Haglund

[8:17] Real things.

[8:18] All right.

[8:18] Okay.

[8:19] Guess I'm going to have to pledge.

[8:21] Now.

Dan McCoy

[8:21] And at the $200 per month level, the fucking aces high level, you get free registration for MaxFunCon 2016.

Elliott Kalan

[8:31] The official MaxFun convention where you'll meet your favorite MaxFun stars like Maxwell Funship himself.

Hallie Haglund

[8:40] Do they have to dress up as characters from MaxFun?

Elliott Kalan

[8:43] They can if they want to, but they don't have to.

Hallie Haglund

[8:46] And.

[8:46] I mean, I bet you guys could probably just wear your regular clothes and you'd look exactly like Dan and Elliot.

Dan McCoy

[8:54] Now, I just want to mention that current donors, people who are already ongoing monthly donors to MaxFun, if you upgrade your membership during the pledge drive, you're eligible for all the thank you gifts we're offering.

[9:08] And also, if you're a current member, you can go to MaximumFun.org and say that you didn't have the Flophouse on your donation list before because we're not part of the network.

[9:20] You can shift over.

[9:21] You can say, like, I also listen to the Flophouse.

Elliott Kalan

[9:24] Now, there's a goal this year of 2,000 new and upgrading members.

[9:28] Totally achievable.

[9:30] Eminently achievable.

[9:31] Just with you guys listening to us right now.

[9:34] So here's what you should do.

[9:34] While you're listening to us, go to your computer and go donate because you're going to forget otherwise.

[9:39] You're going to keep putting it off.

[9:40] You're going to be like, oh, I should really donate to that.

[9:42] I'll get around to it.

[9:43] It's not going to happen.

[9:45] How do I know?

[9:45] Because that's what would happen to me.

[9:48] So I think you should do what I should do, which is donate right now rather than putting it off for a little bit, you know?

[9:55] But.

Hallie Haglund

[9:56] Which is why we're asking Elliot to donate right now to Max.

[10:01] I guess I don't have my computer.

Elliott Kalan

[10:03] $200 a month.

Dan McCoy

[10:04] Elliot.

[10:04] I guess I'll get my phone.

Elliott Kalan

[10:05] I mean, it's.

[10:07] Okay.

[10:07] It's for good.

[10:08] I mean, it's for good podcasts.

Dan McCoy

[10:09] I'll get a little piece of it, too.

[10:11] You get a kickback.

[10:12] Yeah, so.

[10:12] You get to wet your beak a little.

[10:14] My beak is very dry.

[10:16] Like some kind of desert bird.

[10:19] But we will be back to talk a little bit more about the MaxFun Drive later on in the show.

[10:26] But now we need to talk about what we normally talk about, which is a movie that we watched.

Elliott Kalan

[10:33] Well, I don't know, Dan.

[10:34] Maybe we shouldn't talk until we know they've donated.

[10:36] Yeah, maybe.

[10:37] Maybe we'll just sit here and not talk.

[10:39] We'll sit here in silence.

[10:40] Not saying a word.

[10:41] Go to MaximumFun.org.

[10:42] Go click donate.

[10:43] Put your information in.

[10:44] We'll wait.

[10:45] Hallie, sing us a song while we're waiting.

Hallie Haglund

[10:47] In this magic moment.

Elliott Kalan

[10:51] All right.

[10:52] Let's not do that.

[10:52] I'll tell you what.

[10:53] This is a bad idea.

[10:56] I didn't realize that.

[10:57] That we could get a song from Cher after a nuclear blast.

Dan McCoy

[11:01] So, Hallie, you as the guest were invited to choose a type of movie.

[11:08] A movie.

[11:09] Well, actually, I said, is there a specific movie you want to watch?

[11:11] And you did not give me a specific movie.

[11:13] You gave me a genre.

[11:14] And you, in all caps, what did you send to me?

[11:19] Rom or com.

[11:22] And what rom-com did we end up watching tonight?

Hallie Haglund

[11:25] That awkward moment.

[11:29] Yeah, so.

[11:30] Which thus inspired a moment.

[11:33] A moment.

Elliott Kalan

[11:36] Are you swallowing your own tongue while you're singing?

[11:39] Is that what that sound is?

Hallie Haglund

[11:42] It's called singing, Elliot, if you'd ever tried it.

[11:45] Oh, wait.

Elliott Kalan

[11:46] I try it all the time.

[11:50] Singing for you and for you.

[11:52] Jesus Christ.

[11:53] Singing for the donors who pledge.

[11:56] Singing for Bono and the Edge.

Dan McCoy

[11:59] Singing for that man on the ledge.

[12:01] Don't jump.

Elliott Kalan

[12:01] Don't jump.

[12:02] He jumped.

[12:03] What are you gonna do?

Dan McCoy

[12:07] For a pledge.

[12:08] I don't know.

[12:10] So.

[12:12] I mean, if you like stuff like that, I guess pledge.

Elliott Kalan

[12:14] Of course you like stuff like that.

[12:16] You're listening right now.

[12:17] You should be pledging.

Dan McCoy

[12:18] But that awkward moment is, I guess, it's named after that irritating internet thing where

[12:24] someone posts on the internet and they say, that moment when, or.

[12:28] Oh.

Elliott Kalan

[12:29] I thought they meant, the awkward moment was like, le petit mort.

[12:32] The moment when you ejaculate and you feel like you've lost a little of yourself.

[12:36] Orgasm?

[12:36] Yeah.

[12:37] Is there a more awkward moment than that?

[12:39] No.

[12:40] You can't control your body or your face for a second?

Dan McCoy

[12:42] Orgasm is the awkward moment.

Elliott Kalan

[12:44] Yeah, well that could be it too.

Dan McCoy

[12:45] Because then you're kind of like, all right, well that just happened.

[12:48] You're totally confused.

[12:49] What next?

[12:50] You don't know what's going on.

[12:51] Do I, am I supposed to, where do I go now?

Elliott Kalan

[12:54] Do I, wait, do I make you a pancake now?

[12:56] Or am I supposed to drive you somewhere?

[12:58] But that's what it is.

[13:00] Who rolls off home?

[13:01] That's the context of the movie.

[13:01] Do I pay you now or should I wait until after you get dressed?

[13:05] Yeah.

[13:05] That kind of thing.

Hallie Haglund

[13:06] I mean, I feel like you guys are expressing the real theme of the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[13:10] The real theme of the movie, which was assholes.

[13:12] Yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[13:13] But I feel like you guys are posing the exact same questions that the guys posed in the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[13:18] Well, let's talk about who those guys were.

[13:21] There's Jason, played by Zac Efron, who is a...

[13:24] So Allie was...

Hallie Haglund

[13:25] They're all hot.

Elliott Kalan

[13:27] She was all over it.

[13:28] Wow.

[13:28] The three men are Zac Efron, Michael B. Jordan, the actor, not the basketball player who does

[13:34] not have a B as his middle initial.

[13:36] Who's Michael B. Jordan?

[13:38] He was in Chronicle?

[13:41] He's going to be the Human Torch in the new Fantastic Four.

[13:43] But he wasn't in...

Hallie Haglund

[13:44] We were talking Zac Efron, we're talking Max Tiller, we're talking Nick Cannon.

[13:48] No, it's not Nick Cannon.

Elliott Kalan

[13:49] I think we're racist.

[13:50] You were actually being racist in thinking that that was Nick Cannon.

Hallie Haglund

[13:52] He's...

[13:53] You said it was Nick Cannon.

[13:54] Dan said it was that.

[13:55] Dan said it was that.

Elliott Kalan

[13:56] We've established on this show that Dan is a racist.

Hallie Haglund

[13:58] That's why I thought it was.

Elliott Kalan

[14:00] Throw him under the bus that Rosa Parks is refusing to get up on.

[14:03] Because Dan is a racist.

Hallie Haglund

[14:05] I just want people to know it wasn't me.

Elliott Kalan

[14:07] Why do you have to do this?

Hallie Haglund

[14:09] Oh, wait.

[14:10] Is that the guy from...

[14:11] Wait.

Elliott Kalan

[14:12] Anyway.

[14:13] Is that the guy from The Wire?

[14:15] He was in Chronicle.

[14:16] No.

[14:18] No, I think he might have been.

[14:19] See, now Alex just as racist as me.

Hallie Haglund

[14:20] No, I think he might have been.

[14:22] The guy who was in the...

[14:23] Show me his filmography.

[14:26] You have a phone.

Elliott Kalan

[14:28] I'm going through the other people.

[14:29] And the other third guy is Miles Teller, a.k.a. Whiplash.

Hallie Haglund

[14:33] You guys are going to be so sorry.

Elliott Kalan

[14:36] So they're three friends being young in New York and having sex with ladies and then not

[14:41] calling them back later.

[14:42] They're just a bunch of lovable douchebags roaming around the city, going to the same bar

[14:47] every night, hitting on different women at the same bar, but seemingly never running

[14:50] into the same women at the same bar.

[14:53] But anyway...

Dan McCoy

[14:54] And Zac Efron's hair gets taller and taller with every scene.

Elliott Kalan

[14:58] In the first scene, Zac Efron's hair just looks like a newly mown lawn.

[15:02] Just fresh blades of grass.

[15:03] By the final scene, it is a proud tsunami, roaring to its full height before crashing

[15:08] into some sort of Malaysian beach, killing thousands.

[15:13] You really paint a word picture.

[15:15] Of Zac Efron's hair.

[15:16] Murdering people.

Hallie Haglund

[15:18] The Wire!

[15:20] Who did he play in The Wire?

[15:21] He was the guy who got killed.

[15:22] He was also...

[15:22] Oh, thanks, Hallie.

[15:23] No, he was the guy who got killed.

[15:25] He was the friend that...

[15:26] Spoiler alert for The Wire.

[15:28] No, he was the first season, the guy that...

[15:31] What's his name?

[15:32] Had to kill his friend.

[15:33] Oh, yeah.

[15:34] Brody?

[15:34] Okay.

[15:35] Brody killed him?

[15:36] Brody killed him, yeah.

[15:37] No, no, Brody from Homeland.

[15:39] No, and then he was in that...

[15:41] Wasn't he in that Station movie?

[15:46] Fruitvale Station.

[15:47] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[15:48] Okay, so Hallie no longer racist.

[15:50] Dan still racist.

Dan McCoy

[15:51] All right.

[15:51] Well, I apologize for the mistake that I made.

[15:55] Dan, look into the camera.

[15:56] I apologize for the mistake that I made.

[16:00] You end.

[16:01] And I will never do it again.

Elliott Kalan

[16:03] You will be paying reparations.

[16:05] Okay.

[16:05] As well as a large endowment to...

[16:09] To my penis.

[16:14] You know, let's keep moving.

[16:16] Anyway, so these are three guys.

[16:18] They also hang out occasionally with a girl named Chelsea who just kind of shows up out of nowhere in one scene.

[16:23] And it took me a moment to realize she was a character and not an extra that had decided to butt into the scene.

Dan McCoy

[16:28] Was Chelsea the skinny tall one?

[16:30] Yeah.

[16:30] So you might, if you watch Halt and Catch Fire, you might remember her as the person who's always dressed like Mary Stewart Masterson from Some Kind of Wonderful in that program.

[16:41] So specific.

[16:42] They are totally trying to evoke her.

[16:44] Like it's an 80s set show and they're like, oh, just make her look like that girl from the John Hughes movie.

[16:50] It's all right.

[16:51] 80s.

Elliott Kalan

[16:51] 80s.

[16:52] 80s equals Hughes.

[16:53] Yeah.

[16:54] The Hughes decade, they called it.

[16:57] Now...

[16:57] Howard Hughes.

[16:58] Yeah.

[16:58] Howard Hughes.

[16:59] The movies that Howard Hughes made about teenage life were all really unbelievable.

[17:03] Okay, I haven't checked this yet.

Hallie Haglund

[17:05] I haven't checked this yet.

[17:06] I'm about to check this.

[17:07] But I actually think she was a child actress and she played Stephanie or Michelle's friend on Full House.

[17:16] I'm going to check.

Elliott Kalan

[17:17] Allie's really gone down a fucking rabbit hole.

[17:19] Look, I just admire that rather than taking the extra three seconds to check on her phone just now,

[17:23] she instead staked her claim saying, I believe this and I'll check now to see if it's true.

Dan McCoy

[17:29] It's like public radio's This I Believe segment, only it's a fact that has inherent truth that can be checked.

Elliott Kalan

[17:38] That she could research pretty easily.

[17:40] Anyway, so these are three guys who are friends except Mikey, played by Michael B. Jordan, who is a young doctor, is married to...

Dan McCoy

[17:46] Does Mikey like it?

[17:47] Because I hear that Mikey likes...

[17:49] Mikey will eat anything.

Elliott Kalan

[17:50] No, no.

[17:51] Mikey won't eat anything.

Dan McCoy

[17:53] No, that's what you think it would be.

[17:55] But it's a terrible thing.

[17:56] They're like, give it to Mikey.

Elliott Kalan

[17:58] He'll eat anything.

[17:58] No, no.

[17:59] He hates everything.

[18:00] No.

[18:01] They say, give it to Mikey.

[18:04] And then he likes it.

Dan McCoy

[18:05] And they go, if even Mikey likes it...

[18:06] No, you would think that would make sense.

[18:09] But it's a terrible commercial that says, give it to Mikey.

[18:11] He'll eat anything.

Elliott Kalan

[18:12] No, he hates everything.

[18:14] Hallie, stop looking up whether she was on Full House.

[18:16] Look up the Life Cereal commercial.

Hallie Haglund

[18:18] But I know it was...

[18:19] I think you're right, Elliot.

[18:21] I remember...

Elliott Kalan

[18:22] He either says he hates everything or he won't eat anything.

Hallie Haglund

[18:25] He hates...

[18:26] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[18:27] Okay.

[18:27] Dan, the logic of the Life commercial is impeccable and unbreakable.

[18:31] Let me explain what's going on.

[18:32] So, Michael B. Jordan...

Hallie Haglund

[18:37] What?

Elliott Kalan

[18:37] Yeah.

[18:37] Dan, you've been living a lie.

[18:39] And that lie has an F in it to spell life, cereal, which you were wrong about.

[18:43] Dan, look into the camera and apologize to Mikey.

Dan McCoy

[18:45] Mikey, I'm sorry.

[18:47] I know that you did not die in Vietnam...

[18:49] Or...

[18:49] After eating Pop Rocks and Coke.

Elliott Kalan

[18:51] Thank you.

[18:53] And so you'll be giving reparations...

[18:55] To my penis.

[18:56] And an endowment.

[18:57] Your penis is really making out like a bandit with this thing.

[19:00] Speaking of penises, there's a lot of penis talk in this movie.

[19:03] Let's say one thing about this alleged rom-com.

[19:05] It is an out-and-out guy's potty mouth movie.

[19:09] It's low on the rom, low on the com.

[19:12] If you like scenes of guys lying down across open toilet seats because they're peeing with erections,

[19:18] this is the movie for you.

Dan McCoy

[19:19] Yeah, let's talk about this scene.

[19:21] There's no...

[19:21] I haven't even said anything about the movie's about.

[19:23] There's three guys.

Elliott Kalan

[19:25] Mikey finds out his wife is cheating on him.

[19:26] So he falls in with his two horndog friends and they decide that they are not going to get into...

[19:30] His horndog friends, Zac Efron and Miles Teller.

[19:32] And they're not going to get into a relationship.

[19:34] They're just going to fuck their way through New York.

[19:35] Mm-hmm.

[19:36] As bachelors do.

[19:37] And so there's a scene where they take...

[19:38] And they decide this at one of the two places they had together, bars or coffee shops.

[19:44] Yeah.

[19:44] Because they drink a ton of coffee in this movie.

[19:47] But they take...

[19:47] You'd think it wouldn't be that difficult to pee because they have so much coffee in their system.

Dan McCoy

[19:52] But Efron and Teller take Viagra at the beginning of the night, you know, with the full faith that they will, by the end of the night,

[20:02] have hooked to themselves a lady that they can...

[20:05] Oh, their rocks will be off.

[20:06] Yeah.

[20:07] And then there's a cut to them.

Elliott Kalan

[20:09] But that's the thing they do.

[20:09] They do.

Dan McCoy

[20:10] They both go home with ladies.

[20:11] I mean, you know, they're handsome gentlemen.

Elliott Kalan

[20:13] But like...

[20:13] Well, that's the other thing.

[20:14] Zac Efron is portrayed...

[20:15] Zac is portrayed as like...

[20:17] He's got this really good line of patter.

[20:19] Like, he knows how to get a girl.

[20:20] But he's also a ridiculously handsome guy.

[20:24] Like, it would be a different movie for me if these guys were not all...

[20:27] Had movie star looks.

[20:29] And Miles Teller always looks sleepy.

[20:31] And like, he hasn't, you know, gotten any sun in days.

Dan McCoy

[20:34] But he has a sort of soft charm about that.

Hallie Haglund

[20:37] No, no.

[20:37] He's got like a mushy John Cusack charm.

[20:38] And also, if you had seen The Spectacular now, he's like lost a good 100 pounds since then.

[20:46] 100 pounds.

[20:46] So he really looks like movie star made once you see his busted self in that one.

[20:52] Okay.

[20:53] Wow.

[20:54] The Spectacular Cow.

[20:57] Moo.

[20:57] Wow.

Dan McCoy

[20:58] Catty Hallie.

[20:58] I kind of love the way that Hallie is turning around.

[21:02] This is the female gaze.

[21:04] Is what we're getting right now.

[21:06] But no, there's a scene where like these two guys are on Viagra.

[21:10] And we cut to them taking a whiz.

[21:13] And there's like a camera reveal that shows that they're both lying down with their penises inserted into the toilet bowl.

[21:20] Like planking on the thing, peeing into it.

Hallie Haglund

[21:23] Like stir sticks.

[21:24] Yeah, I guess.

[21:25] In a toilet cocktail.

Dan McCoy

[21:27] And the idea, I guess, is like it's really hard to pee when you have an erection.

[21:31] Which is true.

[21:32] Speaking as a man who has had to pee while he had an erection, you can still do that shit standing up.

[21:37] You don't need to insert your penis into the bowl and go completely prone.

Elliott Kalan

[21:42] It's hard for me to believe that these two characters have never been in this situation before.

[21:46] Yeah.

[21:47] Where they've had to pee with an erection.

[21:48] They're like, I don't know.

[21:49] Maybe this is how you do it.

[21:50] It's called waking up at age 14.

[21:53] That's what it's called when you have to pee with an erection.

[21:55] Now, here's the thing.

[21:56] They go out for a night on the town.

[21:59] Miles goes off with some girl.

[22:00] Mikey meets a girl with glasses.

[22:02] Gets her number.

[22:03] But he still wants to work it out with his wife.

[22:05] And Jason, Zac Efron, meets Ellie.

[22:08] Played by the hilariously named Imogene Poots.

[22:12] Which is a name out of like.

[22:12] Imogene Gay Poots.

[22:14] It's a name out of like a little Abner comic strip.

[22:18] And he goes home and sleeps with her.

[22:20] But then due to reason.

[22:23] Yep, her name is like a fart.

[22:26] For reasons that are too stupid to get into, he starts to believe she's a prostitute.

[22:31] And runs out of the apartment.

[22:32] For like.

[22:33] Clutching his clothes to his naked bosom.

Dan McCoy

[22:35] I think the reasons are just stupid enough to get into.

[22:39] She has a lot of condoms.

[22:41] She has hooker boots.

[22:42] She wears boots.

[22:43] And she has an envelope full of cash.

[22:44] And she has an envelope full of cash.

Elliott Kalan

[22:45] She could easily be a spy.

[22:47] Yeah.

[22:49] Or just a normal person.

[22:51] She's a lady who doesn't believe in banks.

[22:53] That's true.

[22:54] She's a Lyndon LaRouche follower who thinks that the whole financial system is gunning for a fall.

Hallie Haglund

[22:59] I mean, she could be like a lot of good looking people in New York who just got a huge envelope of cash from their parents who are supporting their lifestyle.

Elliott Kalan

[23:06] That's what this movie seems to have a lot of.

[23:08] Yeah.

[23:09] Everybody has apartments, but they don't seem to work that much.

[23:12] Imogene Poots plays an author.

[23:15] Zac Efron and Miles Teller are like book cover co-designers.

[23:20] They work together.

[23:21] They work together and they play together.

[23:23] Here's why I would have run out of the girls' apartment.

Dan McCoy

[23:25] A couple of real chip kids.

Elliott Kalan

[23:28] There's like a Muppet Babies type show called Chip Kids about little kids who design book covers.

[23:34] Yeah.

[23:34] And their work is really innovative for a while.

[23:36] And then it seems to get kind of repetitive.

[23:38] Yeah.

[23:38] And then they become obsessed with old Batman toys.

[23:42] Chip Kids.

Hallie Haglund

[23:43] When your books look kind of weird.

Elliott Kalan

[23:46] That kind of stuff, you know?

[23:48] Yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[23:49] Tempo would be a little different.

[23:51] Yeah.

[23:51] When your books look kind of weird.

Elliott Kalan

[23:56] Not my tempo, Hallie.

[23:58] Whiplash.

[24:00] Starring Miles Teller.

[24:01] Starring Miles Teller and just kidding, Simmons.

[24:04] Em tells.

[24:05] Em tells, yeah.

[24:08] So the reason I would have left her apartment is because she didn't have a full bathroom,

[24:12] but just a toilet with a curtain around it.

[24:14] Not something I can handle.

[24:16] Gotta go.

[24:17] I need more privacy than that.

[24:18] Sorry, ladies.

[24:19] Yeah.

[24:20] Especially if you're Miles Teller in this movie.

Hallie Haglund

[24:22] Yeah.

[24:22] Who has a chronic.

[24:24] Oh, but he wasn't at that apartment.

[24:26] No, I know.

[24:26] No, no.

Elliott Kalan

[24:26] But Miles.

[24:27] So Miles Teller's character has a running gag, which they kind of forget about after a while,

[24:32] where he just goes to.

[24:33] He takes a poop in Zac Efron's apartment all the time.

[24:37] They each have.

[24:37] But in his like toilet.

[24:38] Not in like a weird place.

[24:39] It's not that strange.

[24:39] Not like he's doing it in his toaster or something.

Hallie Haglund

[24:42] And it's not irritable bowel.

[24:43] He doesn't run in there like, oh, it's a bathroom.

Elliott Kalan

[24:46] Well, we don't know that.

[24:46] We never see him before he's in that bathroom.

Hallie Haglund

[24:48] I mean, he spends a long time in there, which is why they come out, why he comes out and

[24:54] everyone's like, did you just take a shit because you were in there for so long?

[24:58] Which wouldn't happen if you had irritable bowel?

[25:00] It would happen fast and furious.

Elliott Kalan

[25:03] That's what that movie's about.

[25:05] It's about Vin Diesel has irritable bowel syndrome.

Dan McCoy

[25:10] Paul Walker goes undercover as a guy with irritable bowel.

Elliott Kalan

[25:13] To get into the secret irritable bowel street teams.

[25:17] It's when late at night.

[25:19] It's called the secret of the ooze.

[25:20] They go out on the streets and they just poop in the street.

[25:24] Is that what the secret of the ooze was?

[25:25] That it was poop?

[25:26] Yeah.

[25:27] They lived in the sewer.

[25:29] What are you going to do?

[25:30] So the three guys.

[25:31] Rest in poop.

[25:32] The three guys make a deal that they are not going to get into relationships.

[25:36] And meanwhile, the next day, Miles and Zach, they have to pitch a book cover to, uh-oh,

[25:41] Ellie, the girl that Zach ran out on the night before.

Hallie Haglund

[25:44] Because you thought she was a hooker.

Elliott Kalan

[25:46] It turns out she's just an author.

[25:48] Something that is not really ever brought up again and we never see her working or see

[25:52] them working.

Dan McCoy

[25:52] But being an author is like being a prostitute.

[25:54] Am I right, guys?

[25:55] High fives.

[25:56] High fives.

[25:56] Well, if you're suffering very hard, it's not.

Hallie Haglund

[25:58] We're just writers.

[25:59] You're writing writers for a TV show.

Elliott Kalan

[26:00] I've had essays printed in books.

[26:02] Oh.

Dan McCoy

[26:03] Check out Mr. Prostitute over here.

Elliott Kalan

[26:05] And let me tell you, the money was pretty sweet.

Dan McCoy

[26:09] I got upwards of $250 for that.

Elliott Kalan

[26:13] Oh, I wish I got upwards of that.

[26:14] Books pay shit.

[26:15] Anyway, so, uh, but, so Zach, and, uh, he, uh, apologizes to her through the form of a

[26:23] hand-drawn comic strip in which he apologizes to her and she, and, uh, forgives him.

[26:28] He mails this to her, or I guess drops it off in a gift box.

[26:32] Here's the thing that I think won her heart over.

[26:34] He had it custom framed.

[26:36] That's expensive.

[26:38] Yeah.

[26:38] That shows who cares.

[26:39] Framing is crush.

[26:41] Oh, you mean like crucial?

[26:43] Mm-hmm.

[26:43] I thought you meant like crooper.

[26:44] How is the girl on the go?

[26:45] She can't.

[26:46] No time for second syllables.

[26:48] Just the first sil.

[26:50] No more than that.

[26:53] Sar, friends.

[26:55] This is sorry, friends.

[26:56] Yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[26:57] No, it's, sorry, friends.

Elliott Kalan

[26:59] She a girl on the go.

[27:02] No time even for further letters.

[27:05] Say the first letter and go.

Dan McCoy

[27:08] What was Hallie saying?

[27:09] I don't know, but she was out of here quick.

Elliott Kalan

[27:12] Every time I have a conversation with her, I gotta do it like a word puzzle where I'm trying

[27:15] to figure out what the sentence was.

[27:18] It was even worse than the time she only spoke in anagrams.

Hallie Haglund

[27:21] Every time I talk to her, it's like an episode of Wheel of Fortune.

Elliott Kalan

[27:27] So meanwhile, Jason starts, Zach starts seeing poots more often and starts falling for her.

[27:34] Meanwhile, Chelsea, the late.

[27:36] Booty tang is what he calls her.

[27:38] The late, because she drinks tang all the time.

[27:41] Yeah.

[27:41] And she can't be understood when she talks.

[27:44] Daniel, Miles Teller, starts falling into a relationship with Chelsea.

[27:49] Remember?

[27:49] Their friend who's a girl who really only exists in this movie to date Daniel and to sing at one point.

Hallie Haglund

[27:56] They went to college together.

[27:58] That was the, I thought that was the implication.

[28:00] It was.

[28:00] Because like, they were all invited to the Thanksgiving party.

Elliott Kalan

[28:02] Now, everybody in this movie has a want.

[28:04] Yeah.

[28:05] Miles Teller wants to get blowjobs and poop.

[28:09] Zac Efron doesn't want to be in a relationship.

[28:11] And Mikey wants to get back with his wife.

[28:15] Chelsea does not have a want.

[28:16] Her want seems to be to continue living in her grandma's fabulous apartment and wear shirts in bed.

[28:22] She doesn't live?

[28:22] But wear very skimpy shirts outside of bed.

Hallie Haglund

[28:24] Does she live with her grandma?

Elliott Kalan

[28:26] I couldn't tell.

Hallie Haglund

[28:27] She's got a big fancy apartment.

[28:28] I don't think she does.

[28:28] And I think her want was that she wanted to be with Miles Teller.

[28:31] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[28:31] Now, Hallie, I feel like you had some opinions about the character of Chelsea that I want to draw out of you.

Hallie Haglund

[28:36] I thought Miles Teller was like a big jerk in this movie.

[28:40] And he made no grand gesture in the way that Zac Efron is also a jerk but made grand gestures.

[28:47] And I felt like she was always like way harder than him, clearly more talented than him because he doesn't.

Elliott Kalan

[28:55] She sings and plays piano at one point.

[28:57] Exactly.

[28:57] We don't even see him do anything.

Hallie Haglund

[28:59] Exactly.

[29:00] He says like, we should have this book cover with shoes on it.

Dan McCoy

[29:03] Hello, Miles Teller got hit by a car.

[29:06] Well, we haven't gotten to that point.

[29:08] Just anyone can't do that.

Elliott Kalan

[29:09] Here's Miles Teller's talent.

[29:11] And unfortunately, it's one that society doesn't accept.

[29:13] He is a phenomenal pooper.

[29:16] He is one of the best poopers or an Olympic pooper.

[29:21] Here's the thing.

[29:22] There's something.

[29:23] He's a pooper trooper.

[29:24] Some talents are not valued at the same level as others.

[29:27] But his poop, perfectly formed, impeccably timed.

[29:31] And the volume.

[29:32] We never saw any of these poops.

Hallie Haglund

[29:35] Elliot is making this up for your benefit.

[29:38] I'm just saying.

[29:39] Because he's trying to be part of the patriarchy and just work up this man.

[29:44] Let me poopsplain this to you.

Elliott Kalan

[29:46] Why would he spend so much time in the bathroom or as he would call it his workshop?

[29:50] Unless he was totally devoted to his muse, the bowel.

Hallie Haglund

[29:53] Because he's constipated and all the little poops that he poops out are like little tiny rocks.

Elliott Kalan

[30:00] One, he's experimenting with new forms, which is what every artist should do.

[30:05] Two, fartists don't call it constipated.

[30:07] They call it pooper's block.

Hallie Haglund

[30:09] All right.

[30:09] He is not a fartist.

[30:10] The only fartist in this movie is Emma Jean Farts.

Elliott Kalan

[30:14] Her last name is Poots.

Hallie Haglund

[30:16] Which is a synonym for farts.

Elliott Kalan

[30:21] QED.

[30:23] QED.

[30:24] Quite erroneous dump.

[30:27] I arrest my poop.

[30:29] This is the dumbest thing anyone's ever said, maybe.

[30:33] Anyway, to make a long story short, Mikey gets back together with his wife and they have sex in a hospital bed at his workplace.

[30:41] But it doesn't work out.

[30:43] She's still cheating on him.

[30:45] With Harold.

Dan McCoy

[30:46] With Harold, who has a really nice jacket.

[30:49] I can't make a real point about his name being Harold as if that's a well-known philanderer's name.

[30:56] Everyone knows to look out for Harold.

Elliott Kalan

[30:59] I think, well, one, she's having sex with an improv form, which is bad enough.

[31:04] And two, maybe it's—

Hallie Haglund

[31:05] It's close to Herod in the Bible.

[31:07] The one who sent Jesus to his very—

Elliott Kalan

[31:11] That would be even worse if it was like, you're having sex with Herod?

Dan McCoy

[31:15] He wanted all the Jewish children killed.

Elliott Kalan

[31:18] Anyway.

[31:20] Or firstborn sons, whatever it was.

[31:23] And Zach is pulling away from his girlfriend because he doesn't want to admit he has a girlfriend.

[31:30] And her dad, who he—

[31:32] Okay, you know what?

[31:33] We didn't even talk about her meeting her dad.

Hallie Haglund

[31:35] Great.

[31:36] One of the great American cinema scenes.

Dan McCoy

[31:39] Let's back up the ostensible reason.

Hallie Haglund

[31:43] Back up before we whack up.

Dan McCoy

[31:45] Yeah.

[31:45] The ostensible reason that no one wants to get into a relationship is—

[31:49] Is they made a deal.

[31:50] Solidarity with the divorced.

Elliott Kalan

[31:51] And also because they're dudes out of the crowd.

[31:53] And they're dicks.

Dan McCoy

[31:53] They didn't want to do it before.

Elliott Kalan

[31:56] They did all make an agreement to do the thing they were already—

[31:59] They may remain in the lifestyle they were already living in.

[32:01] Yeah.

[32:02] But then they found true love.

Hallie Haglund

[32:05] Simultaneously, at the most inconvenient time.

Elliott Kalan

[32:09] When they had this deal they made.

[32:11] A non-binding agreement between friends.

[32:14] So Imogene Poops tells Zach Nerfon that she's going to have a surprise birthday party for herself.

[32:21] Because it's the kind of quirky thing that girls in movies do.

Hallie Haglund

[32:25] And it's a dress-up party.

[32:27] So, obvi, costume party, right?

[32:29] All of us regular people who would think that, except not.

Dan McCoy

[32:34] Well, because—

[32:35] When I hear the words dress-up party, I immediately think,

Elliott Kalan

[32:38] Ah, a masquerade.

[32:40] I'll put on my play clothes.

[32:41] I'll dress up to be a knight or a lion.

[32:45] So he decides—well, maybe because the actress is English,

[32:48] and her English accent struggles through her American accent—

Hallie Haglund

[32:51] I actually didn't feel that way.

Dan McCoy

[32:53] There were times when it—

[32:54] I knew that she was English, but I didn't necessarily think,

[32:57] Oh, she's doing a terrible—

Hallie Haglund

[32:58] I mean, I just think she sounded like someone who was from New York.

Elliott Kalan

[33:03] You got a lot to learn about New York.

[33:07] Now, she—maybe he thought that she meant a fancy dress party,

Dan McCoy

[33:10] which would have been a masquerade ball with costumes.

Elliott Kalan

[33:13] You know, a ball all up in masks.

[33:16] And ever so many misunderstandings.

[33:16] Like the judge has in Sweeney Todd.

[33:20] Ever so much misunderstandings.

[33:22] But he thinks costume party, well, I better go to a sex shop and buy a two-foot-long dildo

[33:29] that I can have stick out of my pants so I can wear a shirt that says rock out and have my cock out.

Hallie Haglund

[33:35] And Dan made a very good point.

[33:38] Like a dildo that was like completely flaccid.

Elliott Kalan

[33:41] It was a very long dildo, but it was like super bendy and flaccid.

[33:45] Look, working at The Daily Show, I've come into contact with a surprising number of dildos as props.

Hallie Haglund

[33:50] I've never seen a dildo like that.

[33:52] Very rubbery.

[33:53] I feel like—

[33:53] I mean, we all work The Daily Show.

[33:55] Yeah, but you guys didn't work in the prop department.

Elliott Kalan

[33:57] I did for a while.

[33:58] Like just for like, you know, the mechanics of it.

[34:01] Don't you remember, Hallie, when we were in the background of that chat with Al Madrigal?

[34:04] Yeah, and they all stood erect freely.

Dan McCoy

[34:07] Well, they didn't use any of those types of dildos on that one.

[34:09] You need a certain level of stiffness for the dildo to do the job it was made for.

Elliott Kalan

[34:13] What if it was reading just within the text of the film?

[34:17] Okay.

[34:17] What if it was a urination dildo?

[34:20] I don't know what that means.

Dan McCoy

[34:22] Is that a thing?

[34:22] For someone who likes to pretend that they're around a penis that's peeing.

[34:25] But is that a thing?

[34:26] There's—everything's a thing.

[34:29] Everything's a thing.

[34:31] You're saying this dildo is some sort of art piece, maybe.

Elliott Kalan

[34:33] Yeah, yeah.

[34:34] Or art piece.

[34:37] That was just to make Hallie laugh.

[34:39] Anyway, so he shows up at this party in this raunchy costume.

[34:42] Uh-oh, it's actually a nice party.

[34:44] And her parents are there in the maybe one well-produced joke in the whole movie, a well-executed joke.

Dan McCoy

[34:51] Yeah, it was not like a clever joke.

[34:52] No, there were two other ones.

Hallie Haglund

[34:54] I can't remember what they were, but one I laughed out loud at and one Dan did.

Dan McCoy

[34:58] Yeah, another couple good.

[35:00] But all of the jokes were of a nature where it was like, oh, that joke wasn't particularly clever.

[35:07] But like, in this case, for instance, the reveal of her parents being there after the dildo thing was well-timed and like shot.

Elliott Kalan

[35:14] Yeah, even though the way it was shot—

[35:16] Even though it was a very like obvious joke.

[35:17] Very obvious joke, but also he would have seen these two older people sitting there talking.

[35:21] It's similar to the scene in Evil Dead 2 when Bruce Campbell's being chased and he's looking straight ahead and an axe flies into frame.

[35:29] And we, the viewers, wouldn't have seen it, but he certainly would have seen a person running at him with an axe.

[35:34] So he shouldn't be surprised by it.

[35:36] Anyway, a little Evil Dead 2 memory for everybody.

[35:39] Now, he, despite—he meets—he manages to win over her parents by joking about the dildo and hits it off with her dad.

[35:48] Flash forward later in the movie.

[35:50] They're at the bar.

[35:51] He gets a call from her.

[35:52] Her dad has died.

[35:53] Uh-oh.

Hallie Haglund

[35:54] He keeps dropping her calls because they're giving him—his friends are giving him shit about it.

[35:59] And he's like, I don't care if she's calling.

[36:00] Whatever, whatever.

[36:02] And then his friend joke picks it up and he's like, hey, Ellie, this is Miles Teller, the actor.

[36:09] You know, from Whiplash and the Spectacular Now.

[36:12] He's like, oh, yeah.

[36:13] Oh, yeah.

[36:13] He's right here.

[36:14] I can totally, like, let you talk to him.

[36:16] Is this your tempo?

[36:16] And he's like, oh, hey, what's up?

[36:19] What?

Elliott Kalan

[36:20] Oh, seriously?

[36:21] That Hallie went, her dad died.

Hallie Haglund

[36:23] And then he said, her dad died.

Elliott Kalan

[36:27] Now, cut to the next day, I guess.

[36:30] So not only did he not leave the bar and go see her that night, I guess.

[36:35] He might have.

[36:35] He may have.

Hallie Haglund

[36:35] You know, that may have been a deleted scene.

Elliott Kalan

[36:37] They start talking about, are you going to go to the funeral?

[36:39] What are you going to do?

[36:40] And then, so of course, we're all thinking he's going to break down his resistance and go to the funeral.

[36:45] Zach Offron got to go to that funeral.

[36:47] Now, meanwhile, Miles Teller has told his girlfriend, Chelsea, who started out as just a friend and then became a friend who's a girl who's a girlfriend.

[36:53] He told her that he's told his buddies that they're going out.

Dan McCoy

[36:57] If I've learned anything from Biz Markie, there's no such thing as just a friend.

Elliott Kalan

[37:01] And it's too bad because he's got what she needs.

[37:04] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[37:05] But so they all like meet up at Chelsea's big, huge Thanksgiving party, I guess.

Elliott Kalan

[37:11] Yeah, it's a big family Thanksgiving party that her three best friends from college are invited to because they like get into hijinks at the party.

[37:18] And then she's supposed to be like, those are my boys.

[37:20] You know, Hallie, what were you going to say?

Hallie Haglund

[37:22] I was going to say just in terms of.

Elliott Kalan

[37:24] Oh, these men of mine.

Hallie Haglund

[37:25] No, but like, okay, so I think if I'm not wrong, she is introduced as a character who is part of their friend group from college.

[37:35] They've all been friends for a really long time.

Dan McCoy

[37:37] And she acts as Miles's wingman.

Hallie Haglund

[37:39] And he is a total jerk, but I could definitely understand how it's a more awkward circumstance for her and him to publicly.

[37:51] Announce that they are now a couple when they've been a friend group for a long time versus this fucking other dude who met this really cool girl and goes out with her all the time.

Dan McCoy

[38:03] Who showed up with a bourbon that she called Scotch.

Hallie Haglund

[38:07] But it wasn't and was actually rye.

Dan McCoy

[38:10] Yeah.

[38:10] And played video games with the dudes like every fucking 20 something guys version of like what the hot chick is.

Elliott Kalan

[38:18] Oh, she brings over whiskey.

Dan McCoy

[38:19] She drinks and she plays video games too and she can hang with my bras.

[38:23] Yeah.

[38:24] There's no reason why.

Elliott Kalan

[38:25] My bro games or my brosephs get along with her.

Hallie Haglund

[38:26] I mean, you guys are so provincial.

[38:30] You act like that doesn't.

[38:32] I mean, that's all it takes to survive in this universe.

[38:36] Trust me.

[38:38] I mean, I don't really care for video games.

[38:39] I've lived that universe.

Dan McCoy

[38:39] So I don't like that part.

[38:40] But I do like whiskey.

Elliott Kalan

[38:41] Well, if you trade it instead of drinking and video games, if you put in going to movies and.

Dan McCoy

[38:48] And still keep the whiskey.

[38:50] Like.

[38:50] I'll take it.

[38:51] Something else.

Elliott Kalan

[38:52] Yeah.

[38:52] I guess.

[38:52] I mean, people like people are attracted to people who share interest with them.

[38:55] It's just there's this like vision.

[38:57] There's.

Dan McCoy

[38:58] But they were like, she's not given much more in terms of her personality.

Elliott Kalan

[39:02] What I know about her is that she is, I guess, an author of some kind.

[39:05] Yeah.

[39:06] She likes to do the things Zac Efron likes occasionally.

[39:09] And she enjoys parks.

[39:10] And she wants to go to Gramercy Park, the most exclusive park in New York.

Hallie Haglund

[39:15] No.

[39:16] You guys are totally brushing aside the one extraordinary feature that every male writer tries to write

[39:24] into a woman character in this kind of movie, which is like, she can keep up with me in

[39:29] conversation.

[39:31] That makes her an incredible woman, which is not an extraordinary trait of a woman.

[39:35] But it definitely is framed like this in the movie.

[39:38] And in many movies like this, which is just like, oh, my God, she's like funny and interesting

[39:43] and we can have a conversation.

[39:45] This is a woman above all women.

Elliott Kalan

[39:48] She is a price above rubies.

[39:50] Exactly.

[39:51] The other women in this are either the two women who can kind of keep up in conversation.

[39:55] I mean, Chelsea is more of like a keep up in conversation sort of woman.

[39:58] Well, and she ends up with one of the dudes.

[40:00] Yeah.

[40:00] Chelsea and Ellie.

[40:01] Meanwhile, the wife is bland as toast.

[40:04] Is in nothing.

[40:04] She's got nothing.

[40:05] And all the other girls that they have sex with are just kind of like, whoa, whatever.

[40:10] Like, yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[40:11] I just want to really.

[40:11] I just.

[40:11] Well, can we talk about a relationship?

[40:13] Okay.

[40:13] I got to go.

[40:14] Just like a woman.

[40:15] Yeah.

[40:16] Yeah.

[40:16] This is definitely the 1% of women are women who can actually have a conversation.

[40:23] I'm so happy to be represented in movies that are marketed to me.

Elliott Kalan

[40:29] I don't know that this movie was marketed to you.

Hallie Haglund

[40:32] I mean, it's a rom-com.

[40:34] Yeah.

[40:34] It's not a rom-com.

Elliott Kalan

[40:35] Howdy was like, Zach Efron.

[40:37] I know.

Hallie Haglund

[40:38] I mean, that's the sick thing about it is like, I definitely walked away liking this movie more than any of you two did.

[40:46] And it was most insulting to like my existence.

Elliott Kalan

[40:50] That's a good point.

[40:52] I think that says more about you than about us.

Hallie Haglund

[40:56] It's probably society, right?

Elliott Kalan

[40:59] So.

[41:01] Oh, so he had met.

[41:02] He doesn't go to the funeral, basically.

[41:03] They all go to this big Thanksgiving party.

[41:05] He skips out on his girlfriend's dad's funeral, which is on Thanksgiving, which is weird.

Hallie Haglund

[41:11] We give thanks that he's dead.

Elliott Kalan

[41:13] That's the only time they can get the cemetery.

[41:16] The priest.

[41:16] It came cheaper.

[41:17] The priest doing the service was like, uh, I'm free that day because of the holidays.

[41:20] It's a holiday, but, uh.

[41:22] I get overtime, but.

[41:23] It's a secular holiday, so I'm not doing nothing at the church.

[41:26] I'm just darning my socks like it's fucking Eleanor Rigby or something.

[41:30] So the, uh, they all go to the Thanksgiving party.

Hallie Haglund

[41:33] I don't think he ever darns his socks in Eleanor Rigby.

Elliott Kalan

[41:37] What the?

[41:38] Yeah, he's darning his socks.

[41:39] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[41:39] Well, something.

[41:41] Yeah, it's in the song.

[41:43] I don't think so.

[41:43] Father McKenzie.

[41:45] Except the rice of the church where the wedding has been.

Hallie Haglund

[41:49] Lives in a dream.

[41:51] Lives in a dream.

[41:51] Wades in the window.

[41:52] Darning his socks.

[41:54] Ah!

Dan McCoy

[41:55] Now he owe Paul McCartney a million dollars.

Hallie Haglund

[41:58] No!

[41:58] Just for that?

Dan McCoy

[41:59] Yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[42:00] Damn you, S-cap.

[42:02] Wait.

[42:02] Is it darning his socks that she keeps in a jar?

[42:04] No, that's a different verse.

Elliott Kalan

[42:06] That's Eleanor Rigby has a small face.

[42:08] Puts on a face that she keeps in a jar by the door.

[42:10] Okay.

[42:10] It's a really beautiful song.

Hallie Haglund

[42:11] Why did he keep those socks in the window?

[42:13] In a jar.

[42:14] Darning his socks.

Dan McCoy

[42:15] You know, if it's like wet outside, he wants to change socks.

[42:18] Yeah.

[42:18] Okay.

[42:19] I'm with you.

[42:20] He keeps them in a jar.

Elliott Kalan

[42:22] This jar is one of those pickle jars where the top pops if it's been open, so I know it's

[42:26] sealed for freshness.

Dan McCoy

[42:27] It's a sock jar.

[42:28] And when he gets enough socks in there, he goes down to the sock arcade at the bank.

Elliott Kalan

[42:33] Oh, and just smashes it open?

Dan McCoy

[42:34] He trades it in for one big stocking.

Elliott Kalan

[42:36] Yeah.

[42:37] He keeps them in his piggy sock.

[42:41] So they all show up at the Thanksgiving party.

[42:44] Miles Teller and Chelsea are doing it in the bathroom.

[42:47] Zac Efron wanders in to pee and catches them in there doing it.

[42:52] And then because we need the other character to show up, Michael B. Jordan also walks into

[42:56] the bathroom.

Hallie Haglund

[42:57] Who just dumped his wife.

Elliott Kalan

[42:59] Because she found out he was still sleeping with Harold.

Hallie Haglund

[43:01] Because he found out she was still sleeping with Harold.

[43:05] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[43:05] You said the other way around.

[43:06] Oh, I was wrong.

[43:08] Pronoun trouble.

[43:08] And then he uses an elaborate wine metaphor to make the point that their relationship isn't

[43:15] working.

[43:16] They all get mad.

[43:17] They get into a fist fight when their secrets come out.

[43:20] It's a real secret and lies moment.

Hallie Haglund

[43:22] And they all walk out of the bathroom while everyone is gathered around it, listening to

[43:27] their fight.

Elliott Kalan

[43:27] And there is in the background this creepy waiter who's just kind of weirdly moving around

[43:34] with his head at a cocked angle like a skexy or something like that.

[43:37] Well, that's a delicious moment.

[43:43] I guess he's like...

[43:44] Miles Teller's buttocks.

Hallie Haglund

[43:46] Oh, yeah.

[43:47] Because Miles Teller and Chelsea were having sex in the shower.

[43:55] Even though Chelsea was wearing a...

[43:59] Like...

[44:00] What was he wearing?

[44:01] Pants.

[44:01] A pantsuit.

[44:02] Well...

[44:02] Not even pants, but a pantsuit.

Dan McCoy

[44:05] Those two love to do it with most of their clothes on.

Elliott Kalan

[44:08] Most of the time when they're in bed, they have their shirts on.

[44:10] Very realistic.

Hallie Haglund

[44:12] Yeah, but like...

[44:12] Like a fat kid at a pool.

[44:14] But she was wearing a pantsuit and it's impossible to have sex without either taking a bottom or

[44:20] a top off.

[44:21] And if you're wearing a pantsuit, they both have to come off.

Elliott Kalan

[44:24] I'd say even if you just have a top off, it'd be pretty difficult to have sex.

[44:27] Yeah.

[44:27] Unless you've got a belly button vagina.

[44:29] I mean...

[44:30] Here's the thing.

[44:31] Maybe she was wearing those split pants that little Chinese kids wear so that they could

[44:36] just squat in the street.

[44:37] Maybe.

[44:37] I mean, she says skinny as a little Chinese kid.

[44:41] Maybe she was wearing a crotchless pantsuit to her family Thanksgiving.

[44:44] That's possible.

[44:45] She knew he was coming.

[44:48] So he walks out pantsless from the bathroom.

Hallie Haglund

[44:53] Cut to...

[44:54] No full frontal.

Elliott Kalan

[44:56] Sorry, lady.

[44:57] Sorry, lady.

[44:58] If you're looking to see his drumstick.

[45:00] Gross.

Hallie Haglund

[45:01] It's so gross.

[45:04] I've never...

Elliott Kalan

[45:04] Now I have an image of a different version of Whiplash where he's just drumming with

[45:08] his penis, but he still does that amazing solo at the end.

[45:11] But his penis...

[45:12] And he's plunging his bloody penis into ice water.

Hallie Haglund

[45:15] For some reason when you said that, I was thinking of like a chicken drumstick, and I

[45:19] was like, what penis is there shaped like that?

[45:22] Colonel Sanders.

Elliott Kalan

[45:24] He had a drumstick penis.

[45:25] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[45:26] Let's sum up what happened.

Elliott Kalan

[45:27] This has been a really salty episode.

[45:30] But anyway...

[45:30] That's what happens when Hallie's here.

[45:31] They all patch it up as friends, and out of nowhere, Miles Teller gets hit by a car.

[45:37] So he and Chelsea have a hospital makeup.

[45:41] And Zac Efron goes to a book reading that Ellie has organized, and he reads a short story,

[45:49] I guess, that he wrote that is about their first meeting.

[45:52] He didn't...

Hallie Haglund

[45:52] He wasn't reading it.

[45:53] He was just winging it.

[45:54] He grabbed a random book, and then he was winging it.

Elliott Kalan

[45:58] Oh.

[45:59] No wonder the structuring was so patchy.

[46:03] And his use of theme and image was juvenile at best.

[46:07] And they make up.

[46:09] Right?

[46:10] Yeah.

[46:11] So, and that's the end of the movie.

[46:13] So, everyone, like a Shakespeare play.

[46:15] I was just gonna say, as in a Shakespeare comedy, they are paired up at the end.

[46:20] And the villain is, I guess, chased out of town or thrown in jail.

[46:23] Whatever happens to Shakespeare villains in comedies.

[46:26] You know what the villain is?

[46:27] Just humiliated, usually, I feel like.

[46:29] Yeah.

[46:29] Male hubris.

[46:31] Yeah.

[46:33] Except, oh, and Michael B. Jordan calls the glasses girl that he met at the bar earlier

[46:38] in the movie.

Dan McCoy

[46:39] Like, months before.

[46:40] Like...

[46:41] And she was like, I've been waiting for you to call.

[46:43] She's like, I haven't had any dates in between now.

[46:46] I'm still totally single.

[46:47] I was saving myself for you, guy I met briefly in the bar.

Hallie Haglund

[46:49] I'm a beautiful woman who somehow only had this one time a couple months ago.

[46:54] Someone show any interest in me.

[46:56] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[46:57] So, was that awkward moment when we finished watching the movie and we were like, why did

[47:01] we just watch that?

[47:02] And Hallie went, that was great!

Dan McCoy

[47:04] Yeah, no, it's time for final judgments.

[47:06] Was this a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, or a movie you kind of liked?

[47:11] Hallie, let's go to you.

[47:11] I know, I think I should go last.

[47:13] Elliot.

[47:14] I thought it was a bad bad movie.

[47:17] Here's where, like, I feel like I can't go into the normal categories.

[47:22] Because I feel like this movie was totally bad.

[47:26] It wasn't, I mean, compared to our other bad bad movies, it wasn't at that level.

[47:31] It might be the curve that the Flophouse has made me grade movies on.

[47:35] You're having trouble with the curve.

[47:36] But I almost kind of liked this movie just because, like, I feel like I was consistently

[47:42] entertained by it, even while realizing everything about it was terrible.

Elliott Kalan

[47:46] Oh, see, this is the kind of movie that enrages me.

[47:49] So, I just don't like those, I don't like those kinds of guys.

[47:52] I don't want to see them redeemed because I don't like them.

[47:54] I don't want to spend time with them.

[47:55] I just wasn't bored by it, I guess.

[47:56] And it captures a thing that I feel like, I feel like there's a, there's this feeling

[48:01] that especially, that, like, young men who aren't super social and don't get a lot of

[48:07] dates, a feeling that I certainly had when I was younger about New York, where it felt

[48:11] like there was just this, like, these free-floating currents of sex in the air that some people

[48:16] knew how to capture and other people just could not locate or identify or hold on to.

[48:20] So, you're saying you're a men's rights activist, right?

[48:23] That's what you're saying, Allie?

[48:23] No, I'm saying, like, I don't, I have no sympathy for characters in a movie where their problem

[48:27] is like, oh, I'm just having all this sex.

[48:29] I don't know what to do.

[48:31] Oh, my penis hurts from all the sex I've been having.

[48:34] Oh, boy.

[48:35] I'm such a man-child.

[48:37] I don't want to grow up, but I'm just doing it all the time.

[48:40] I have no sympathy for them.

[48:41] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[48:41] No, I understand.

[48:42] Allie, what do you-

[48:42] They have no ambition.

[48:43] What do you have to say?

Hallie Haglund

[48:43] No, I don't think you finished your experience.

[48:45] You were saying how much you liked it.

Dan McCoy

[48:47] No, I was saying that I thought that objectively it was not a good movie and all the characters

[48:53] were bad people, but I was still entertained by it.

[48:57] I was not bored by it, so I kind of liked it.

[49:00] I kind of liked it.

Hallie Haglund

[49:02] Yeah, I mean, I found it problematic to the extent that the characters we were really being

[49:11] asked to relate to are like a bunch of dudes who like, yeah, I get it.

[49:18] Like, why should you want to like girls?

[49:24] It sucks so bad to like them.

[49:29] And as a girl, that's like, what the fuck?

[49:34] But honestly, I guess, I mean, it offends me that this is like a document of pop culture

[49:43] because it exists.

[49:45] And so I guess it exists in some reality.

[49:48] But because it is so far from like my actual experience of like culture in New York and

[49:55] like probably it exists, but like I don't hang out in fucking Murray Hill with a bunch

[50:00] of frat dudes.

[50:01] Murray Hill referenced in this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[50:04] This movie is influencing you in ways you didn't even realize.

Hallie Haglund

[50:07] No, but like it's enough of a non-reality that like it makes me angry that it exists as

[50:13] a cultural document.

[50:14] But like I can have enough distance from it as like a rom-com that I'm like, yes, let

[50:22] that man be tamed by the woman who deserves him.

[50:25] So I had very complicated feelings about this.

[50:28] But like basically, if this is supposed to be any like real item of culture.

Elliott Kalan

[50:38] I don't think it was aiming high or attempting to mirror reality in any way.

Hallie Haglund

[50:44] I mean, that's what scares me, though.

[50:45] I think it like might real like I don't know.

Dan McCoy

[50:49] Just about that awkward moment, you know, guys.

[50:52] That awkward moment.

[50:53] Whatever the fuck that refers to.

[50:55] But no, it's exactly the awkward moment.

Hallie Haglund

[50:58] It's like I mean, I feel like it's pretty clear that the awkward moment is like the

[51:01] moment when the girl asked the dude to be her boyfriend.

Elliott Kalan

[51:05] He talks, Zac Efron talks about how it never good when a girl says so.

[51:09] Yeah, because it's always going to be with.

[51:10] So where is this going?

[51:11] Or so what is that?

[51:13] What is this thing we have here?

[51:14] And it's it like, yeah, the movie is about I guess I I'm sure there are plenty of guys

[51:20] who have that fear where they're like, I want to fly free, man.

[51:22] I don't want to be tied down to some lady with her lady parts.

[51:26] But the lady parts, by the way, was the Western that I wrote.

[51:31] But the I have I like have so little sympathy for those characters and I don't want to see

[51:38] them.

[51:38] I don't care if they learn their lesson or not, basically.

[51:41] Yeah.

[51:42] Like the idea that they automatically go into situations not wanting to form an emotional

[51:48] connection with another human being.

[51:50] But I want them as sociopaths.

Hallie Haglund

[51:52] Right.

[51:52] But I want to like because there's some sick like draw to seeing like hating that narrative,

[52:03] but like feeling some satisfaction that like the woman actually reaches the man.

[52:10] I want to like draw some like alternate universe comparison of like it's like the lame ass like

[52:21] 80s movie where the girl is really hot.

[52:24] And I mean, I'm like trying to know that that would guys would that wouldn't reach you.

[52:29] But I feel like there is some parallel where like the girl is like hot and uninteresting and

[52:34] then like nerd guy somehow gets her.

[52:37] And that is like a triumph.

[52:39] There's totally movies where that happens.

[52:41] Yeah.

[52:41] Right.

[52:42] That you guys would as individuals actually like find like not really.

[52:50] I mean, like that you guys would be like compelled to watch in the same way that like for some

[52:55] stupid reason I'm.

Elliott Kalan

[52:57] I mean, compelled to watch it.

[52:58] Does the girl take her clothes off in the movie?

Dan McCoy

[53:00] I mean, I do think that like most of those movies, though, do have the trope of like the

[53:03] guy wants the really hot girl.

[53:05] But then he realizes he should be his best friend.

[53:08] Teen Wolf Syndrome or DWS.

Elliott Kalan

[53:11] Right.

[53:11] Even though his friend is way cuter than the girl.

[53:13] Yeah.

[53:13] Booth is totally cuter than the other.

[53:14] She just has a dumb name.

[53:16] Booth.

[53:17] It's not.

[53:17] It's not almost as dumb a name as Poots.

[53:19] Here's the thing that it's like.

Hallie Haglund

[53:21] So that's a super lame thing because this movie is even about like the guy who's a loser getting

[53:29] the best friend and then realizing that she's the hotter one.

[53:32] So that's so fucked up.

[53:35] This is so fucked up.

[53:36] It is everything you hate, Hallie.

Dan McCoy

[53:38] Hallie, I think you've discovered that there's gender inequality in this nation.

Elliott Kalan

[53:43] I also don't like.

[53:44] So he wins back Ellie.

[53:46] So do they have a future now?

[53:48] Is it just going to be like a funny story?

[53:50] The time that he didn't show up at her dad's funeral?

[53:52] Like, hey, kids, let me tell you about the time your dad didn't show up at my dad's funeral.

[53:57] Like, that's a terrible thing.

[53:58] Or is she just going to lord it over him for the rest of her life?

Dan McCoy

[54:01] You see, he made an agreement with his two loser buddies.

Elliott Kalan

[54:04] Honey, I don't know if I can make it to that work thing you have tonight.

[54:07] Oh, really?

[54:07] Because I remember another thing you couldn't make it to when one of my parents died.

[54:11] All right.

[54:13] It's not a dysfunctional relationship.

Hallie Haglund

[54:15] All right.

[54:15] So wait.

[54:16] What was the designation?

Dan McCoy

[54:20] Mixed.

[54:20] The designation is mixed.

[54:22] Okay.

[54:23] That awkward moment, you broke our system.

[54:24] We got to move on and just once more remind folks that it's MaxFunDrive 2015 time.

[54:34] MaxFunDrive 2015.

[54:35] Pledge often.

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[54:48] Designate the Flophouse.

[54:50] And if you donate, you know, you'll feel great when you listen to the show.

[54:53] You'll know you're contributing.

[54:55] You'll help us reach our goal of 2,000 new and or upgrading members.

[54:59] You'll get great pledge gifts.

[55:01] I won't go through them again because we talked about them earlier.

Elliott Kalan

[55:03] But the minimum pledge is $5 a month.

[55:05] Yeah.

[55:05] That's very little money.

[55:06] Think about it.

[55:06] That's $2.50 an episode of the Flophouse.

[55:09] You can't even buy a comic book for $2.50.

[55:12] And yet you're getting an hour's worth of entertainment with your three best friends,

[55:17] Elliot, Dan, and Stuart Sub, TBD.

Dan McCoy

[55:19] And at the $5 a month level, you get the bonus content, which at this point,

[55:27] you're not getting just the bonus content for this year.

[55:29] You're getting bonus content for all the previous pledge drives years.

[55:33] So that's tens of hours of different podcasts, not just us, everyone on the MaxFun network.

Elliott Kalan

[55:41] And $5 is just the minimum.

[55:42] You can pledge more than that and you get more for it.

Dan McCoy

[55:45] And also we have challenge donors.

Hallie Haglund

[55:46] Yeah, you get a collapsible water bottle.

Elliott Kalan

[55:49] That's pretty sweet.

Hallie Haglund

[55:50] Just grab a Ziploc bag, ladies.

[55:53] Whoa, whoa.

Elliott Kalan

[55:53] You're going way off message.

[55:55] A Ziploc bag, what, full of water?

[55:57] How are you going to drink out of that, Hallie?

Dan McCoy

[56:00] But I also want to mention that there are challenge donors.

[56:03] Challenge donors.

[56:03] Current members who are pledging money, be it a nickel, dime, or quarter per each new or upgrading member.

[56:11] So your money can be not matched but augmented.

Elliott Kalan

[56:16] You're actually helping us to get even more than what you pledge when you pledge.

[56:22] And it helps keep the network alive.

[56:24] It helps keep us doing this podcast.

[56:26] Because frankly, guys, this podcast takes a lot of time.

[56:30] And I've got a baby at home.

[56:31] We've got to make it worth my while, if you know what I mean.

[56:34] I'm doing that thing with my hands.

[56:35] That means money, please.

Dan McCoy

[56:37] And if you're a current member, think about upgrading.

[56:41] You will get access to all of the new pledge gifts.

[56:46] And also, if you're a current member, why not just go to Maximum Fun and select the Flophouse as one of the podcasts that you listen to?

[56:55] You should be doing this right now.

Elliott Kalan

[56:57] If you didn't do it at the beginning of the podcast when I told you to do it right now, I'm disappointed in you.

[57:02] And you should do it right now now.

[57:03] Because you're going to forget otherwise.

[57:04] You're going to write a note for yourself.

[57:06] Every time you see it, you're going to be like, oh, yeah, I should do that.

[57:08] You should do it now.

[57:10] Now.

[57:11] Get out of the way.

[57:12] Do it now.

[57:12] Support your podcast that you love.

[57:14] And you'll get all the stuff that Dan mentioned before if you just pledge those amounts.

Dan McCoy

[57:20] The collapsible water bottle.

Elliott Kalan

[57:22] Hallie's favorite.

[57:23] And you will also get the satisfaction of knowing that thanks to you, this podcast is pod-cible.

[57:32] That's possible with pod in it for podcast.

Dan McCoy

[57:35] So let's move on to letters from listeners.

[57:39] Listeners like you, the people who should be donating right now.

[57:44] The first letter comes from Cody, last name withheld.

[57:48] Who writes?

[57:50] Pardon me.

[57:50] I'm going to.

[57:51] He's crying.

[57:52] He wrote, pardon me?

[57:53] I'm flying from Montreal to London.

[57:56] Dan had to stifle.

[57:57] Cody can be a growth name too.

[57:58] Yeah, that's true.

[57:58] Or a bear.

Elliott Kalan

[57:59] Dan had to stifle a burp.

[58:01] That's why he said pardon me.

Dan McCoy

[58:02] I'm flying from Montreal to London at the time of writing.

[58:05] And wow, has in-flight entertainment stepped up its game.

[58:08] Whoever it is Air Canada has picking movies for the onboard system is kind of my hero.

[58:12] Though I worry they may lose their job, given that they selected proven audience pleasers like The Tree of Life, Serious Man, and James Gray as the immigrant.

[58:21] Also making...

[58:22] I've seen them all and they're all sad.

Elliott Kalan

[58:23] Take the saddest flight there is.

Dan McCoy

[58:25] Also making appearances is Terry Gilliam's Zero Theorem, which, as of the writing of this email, hadn't even had a North American theatrical release yet.

[58:34] Which leads me to my question.

[58:36] When the in-flight entertainment system has a film you suspect you'll love, do you go for it?

[58:40] Or wait to watch it in an environment with a lower chance of screaming babies, emergency landings over water, and the person next to you watching the clumps.

[58:47] I was in this situation on another flight that had the 400 blows.

[58:51] Seriously, who chooses these?

[58:53] Where I decided to hold off for a better viewing experience, which never came since I've not gotten around to watching it.

[58:58] And if you do hold off on watching certain movies, what do you go for instead?

[59:01] To numb the pain of long plane trips.

[59:04] Yours flopping at across the Atlantic, Cody last name withheld.

Elliott Kalan

[59:07] Now Dan, I know you love to watch movies on planes.

Dan McCoy

[59:10] Now this is a fallacy.

[59:14] There's been a lot of talk of fallacies tonight.

[59:17] No, I've specified movies that I watch on planes for this very reason.

[59:22] Because in general, I feel like you don't want to watch a great movie on a plane.

[59:26] You want to watch an amiable time passer.

[59:30] And so I've always specified...

Elliott Kalan

[59:31] That sounds like the lamest Bond villain.

[59:34] Ah, amiable time passer.

[59:36] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[59:37] No, so I've always specified when I, you know, have watched a movie on a plane, just to clarify sort of the mindset I was in.

[59:44] Sure, sure.

[59:45] Lack of oxygen.

[59:46] I did once watch 12 Years a Slave on a plane.

[59:49] Because I knew that I was not going to watch it otherwise.

[59:53] I was like, this movie is going to make me too upset otherwise.

[59:57] So the best time to watch it will be when I'm literally strapped into my seat.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:01] You said, steward, keep the drinks coming.

[1:00:03] Yeah.

[1:00:04] Yeah, okay, that makes sense.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:07] I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:08] I mean, I prefer to read on planes.

[1:00:10] I really like reading on flights.

[1:00:11] And I like to see if I can knock out a whole book on a flight, if it's a long one, like a cross-country flight.

[1:00:17] I will say, I usually don't like to watch movies because you can't hear them as well.

[1:00:22] And they, yeah, it's not as good an experience.

[1:00:24] But if I hadn't watched Jodorowsky's Dune on a flight, I don't think I would have gotten a chance to see it at this point.

[1:00:31] Just because it's been hard for me to fit movies into my schedule.

[1:00:33] So I wanted to take advantage of that flight opportunity.

[1:00:36] And I really enjoyed it that way.

[1:00:37] So I'm glad that I did.

[1:00:39] So if it's a movie that is like a documentary, I think a flight makes more sense to me.

Hallie Haglund

[1:00:47] Well, I like to read also on planes.

[1:00:50] If I have started a book that I'm already super into and it's long, I'd love to do that rather than watch a movie.

[1:00:58] But I definitely have watched both Nacho Libre on a movie, like on a plane, on one of those planes where there's like a scheduled viewing time.

[1:01:11] Oh, yeah.

[1:01:12] And so I watched it once and it was a long enough flight that I thought it was so great I watched it twice.

[1:01:19] And I would have never liked it outside of the context of an airplane.

[1:01:24] And I also watched, you know, what the fuck fucking Rosebud movie.

[1:01:30] Citizen Kane?

[1:01:31] Yes.

[1:01:31] I also watched Citizen Kane.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:32] Whereas it's also known what the fuck fucking Rosebud movie.

Hallie Haglund

[1:01:35] I also watched Citizen Kane on a plane.

[1:01:37] And, you know, not sure I would have made time for that if I wasn't crossing the Atlantic, right?

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:45] A great movie?

[1:01:46] Yeah.

[1:01:48] Although it makes me think that Staniel Jackson needs a movie now called Canes on a Plane.

[1:01:52] There's too many canes on that plane.

[1:01:54] Charles Foster Kane, that is.

Hallie Haglund

[1:01:56] And I saw Miracle on a Plane.

[1:01:59] That's a really good movie.

[1:02:00] The hockey movie?

[1:02:01] Everybody was asleep when the American team won that game.

[1:02:07] And I was crying and wondering why people wouldn't wake up to just appreciate that moment.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:13] I've watched Netflix movies on planes when they have Wi-Fi, if that counts.

[1:02:18] I watched I Confess, the Hitchcock movie on a plane.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:23] So I think that didn't help you at all.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:26] Nope.

[1:02:27] It turns out everyone, I guess actually, you know what?

[1:02:29] The best movie experience I think I had on a plane was when I was sitting next to a co-worker of all of ours on a plane.

[1:02:35] And he was watching the amazing Burt Wonderstone.

[1:02:37] And I was just every now and then glancing at his screen and just being like, wow, that looks bad.

[1:02:42] And then turning away.

[1:02:43] What?

[1:02:43] Who was it?

[1:02:44] Adam Lowe.

[1:02:45] Oh.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:46] Of The Daily Show.

[1:02:47] Next question.

[1:02:48] We are flying back from Turkey.

[1:02:50] Next letter, but also a question.

[1:02:53] I have a very important question to ask you.

[1:02:55] Don't ask me why or how this came up.

[1:02:57] But yesterday, my roommate and I were discussing.

Hallie Haglund

[1:02:58] So you can ask us a question.

[1:03:00] We can't ask you.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:01] Hallie, it's a letter.

[1:03:02] We actually couldn't ask anyway.

[1:03:05] My roommate and I were discussing a certain scene in Ghostbusters.

[1:03:10] The blowjob scene?

[1:03:11] Yes.

[1:03:13] And found ourselves in a quandary.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:14] Because every other scene is so perfect, you wouldn't need to discuss it.

[1:03:17] It's the one problem in the movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:18] It's the one where Dan Aykroyd's character, Ray, gets a blowjob from a ghost.

[1:03:23] Considering how often this topic comes up in any given episode of The Flophouse, I thought

[1:03:28] you would be the right people to ask.

[1:03:30] What do you think happened afterward?

[1:03:32] What happened to the semen?

[1:03:34] Did it pass through the ghost as most solid objects would?

[1:03:37] Oh, really?

[1:03:38] The movie does establish that ghosts can pass through solid things.

[1:03:41] But does that mean they can swallow things as well?

[1:03:43] Slimer certainly swallows a ton of shit.

[1:03:45] I suppose it's equally possible that Ray never finished.

[1:03:48] But given the look on his face before the scene cuts, that seems unlikely.

[1:03:52] I'm guessing that all of you have thought about this a lot.

[1:03:55] Nope.

[1:03:57] And we've had discussions about what the Crypt Keeper's penis looks like.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:01] Please respond with any insight you may have.

[1:04:02] With all my love, Kate, last name withheld.

[1:04:04] Thanks, Kate.

[1:04:05] Thanks for writing in.

[1:04:07] Well, let's remember that that scene is a dream that Ray is having.

[1:04:12] So it's possible he didn't think through what happens next.

[1:04:15] And he just rolls over in bed as it happens in the movie.

[1:04:18] Yeah.

[1:04:18] Or rolls out of bed.

[1:04:19] Now, wasn't that leftover from a scene that got cut?

Dan McCoy

[1:04:22] That was leftover from a scene that got cut where they go to the Museum of Natural History

[1:04:26] or something.

[1:04:28] Of course.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:29] I guess it wouldn't be natural history.

[1:04:30] If it was natural history, he'd get a blowjob from a Tyrannosaurus.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:32] Yeah, it was someplace.

[1:04:33] Like, there's some reason why he was dressed up like Napoleon or whatever he was in that

[1:04:37] scene.

[1:04:38] He goes to the museum and that whole thing was cut.

[1:04:40] Rightfully so.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:41] Here's what I think happens.

[1:04:42] Although I'd love to see that footage now and see what the scene was supposed to be, but

[1:04:46] maybe it's on a DVD.

[1:04:47] Here's what I think happens.

[1:04:49] He's getting a blowjob from a ghost.

[1:04:50] He closes his eyes.

[1:04:51] He opens them again.

[1:04:52] It's the guy in a bear suit from The Shining.

[1:04:54] Oh no, and Shelley Duvall is screaming at him.

[1:04:57] That's what happens.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:59] Dan, what do you think?

[1:05:00] I don't want to think about it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:04] So this last letter.

[1:05:06] I remember as a kid being so weirded out by that scene.

[1:05:09] It was so much, like, in its own way scarier than the library ghost in the beginning, which

[1:05:13] was otherwise the scariest part of the movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:15] It was scary because you were confused by it.

[1:05:17] Exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:18] I was like, Mama, Dada, what is that ghost doing to that man?

[1:05:22] And they were like, uh, uh, she's, uh, inflating him.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:27] Um, so this last letter.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:29] Go back to bed.

[1:05:31] This last letter.

[1:05:32] You gotta wake up early tomorrow to enjoy more of our driving trip through Canada.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:36] This last letter.

[1:05:36] We're in a motel.

[1:05:37] Is from my dad, last name withheld.

[1:05:42] My dad writes.

[1:05:44] So let me guess what his last name is.

[1:05:46] Yeah.

[1:05:47] Is that your dad?

[1:05:47] Is it really your dad?

[1:05:48] Yeah.

[1:05:49] He writes.

[1:05:50] During a recent morning walk, I was listening to your discussion of I, Frankenstein.

[1:05:54] I forgot your parents listened to this podcast.

[1:05:56] You mentioned that the army of gargoyles slash angels were using a cross with three slashes

[1:06:01] as their symbol and then proceeded to engage in some speculation about what that meant.

[1:06:06] Well, it could have been a papal cross.

[1:06:08] Didn't I raise you better?

[1:06:10] Which has three cross pieces in a shorter and longer descending pattern at the top of the

[1:06:14] vertical piece.

[1:06:15] Or it could have been the Orthodox cross, which has two cross pieces.

[1:06:18] At the top and a longer slanting piece near the bottom of the vertical piece.

[1:06:22] In that same episode, you raised a metaphysical question as to why an all-powerful deity would

[1:06:27] need an army of gargoyles slash angels.

[1:06:29] You thereby perpetuated a long-standing, faulty, and unnecessary assumption, namely that God

[1:06:34] is omnipotent in the sense of possessing all the power.

[1:06:38] I am hereby assigning a book for you to read, Charles Hartstone's Omnipotence and Other

[1:06:43] Theological Mistakes.

[1:06:45] Yours for a more religiously and philosophically informed flophouse, to add last name with help.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:49] So I assume, Dan, that as a good son, you've read this book already and you can tell us what

[1:06:52] it's about.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:53] Yeah, it's about omnipotence and other theological mistakes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:58] I like the idea that it's a mistake as in, like, the science is clear.

[1:07:02] Omnipotence is not one of the things that God has.

[1:07:04] He has freeze ray powers, heat breath, flight, invisibility, he can read minds, and he can

[1:07:11] talk to fish.

[1:07:12] He does not have omnipotence.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:14] He does the incredible Mr. Limpet in that fish sense.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:17] Yeah, because the incredible Mr. Limpet had heat breath.

Hallie Haglund

[1:07:20] He can do that thing that Alex Mack does where she-

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:24] She turns into a puddle?

Hallie Haglund

[1:07:26] Freezes time and turns into a puddle.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:27] She couldn't freeze time.

[1:07:28] That was out of this world.

[1:07:30] Oh.

[1:07:30] Alex Mack could just turn into a puddle of the same CGI goo and slide under doors.

Hallie Haglund

[1:07:35] Well, a guy can do that.

[1:07:38] Right?

[1:07:39] Yeah, sure.

[1:07:39] Dad, last name with Alex McCoy?

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:42] Yes.

[1:07:42] Maybe Alex Mack had other powers.

[1:07:43] I thought she could just turn into a puddle of goo.

Hallie Haglund

[1:07:45] I thought she could freeze time.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:46] I think it's just out of this world girl who can freeze time.

Hallie Haglund

[1:07:50] You mean my two dads?

[1:07:52] We probably-

[1:07:53] No, no, out of this world.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:54] My two dads, she had no superpowers.

[1:07:56] You're right, you're right, you're right.

[1:07:56] So this theological discussion about out of this world-

[1:07:59] There was the Punky Brewster TV show that was live action where she had no powers, and

[1:08:03] there was the cartoon show where she had a floating magic kind of hamster from another planet.

[1:08:07] I always want you here with me.

[1:08:12] So many residuals we should be paying for.

[1:08:16] Well, that's why we need these pledges, people.

[1:08:17] You got a pair of legal bills.

[1:08:20] Against Paul McCartney, composer of the Punky Brewster theme song.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:23] So thank you for sending us Theologically Straight.

Hallie Haglund

[1:08:26] Are we sure that Paul McCartney wrote Eleanor Rigby?

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:30] Well, it was probably credited as McCartney-Lennon since all their songs were, depending on who wrote.

[1:08:35] But since he sang it, I would say.

[1:08:36] Yeah, usually they would sing the songs they wrote.

[1:08:38] All right.

[1:08:40] And it fits into, he had more of a quaint England view of things, like Penny Lane and stuff like that.

[1:08:46] Whereas John Lennon wasn't as interested in those types of things for the most part.

[1:08:51] And it's more emotional.

[1:08:52] Just not to say that he didn't.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:52] And John Lennon was less interested in emotions.

[1:08:54] Well, I don't know about that.

Hallie Haglund

[1:08:56] I mean, he was the only one who ever fell in love.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:00] I don't know that that's true.

[1:09:03] You mean in history or?

Hallie Haglund

[1:09:05] Of the Beatles.

[1:09:07] You know.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:08] What about the In My Life?

[1:09:09] That's a pretty emotional song.

[1:09:10] That's true.

[1:09:11] All right.

[1:09:12] Fine.

[1:09:12] You've disproved my thesis.

[1:09:14] Just like your dad disproved your omnipotence thing.

[1:09:16] Tell your dad you love him and go to bed.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:17] I love you, dad.

[1:09:19] Anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:19] That was sweet.

[1:09:21] I love you too, Dan's dad.

[1:09:22] Move on.

Hallie Haglund

[1:09:23] Hey, Dan's dad.

[1:09:26] I'm not ready to say it yet.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:28] When she is ready, you'll know.

[1:09:30] Because she'll get a Skywriter.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:33] Let's move on to the last segment of the evening.

[1:09:38] Recommendations of movies we actually liked.

Hallie Haglund

[1:09:39] Oh, no.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:41] You forget this is part of the podcast, Allie?

[1:09:43] Don't worry about me.

[1:09:45] Okay.

[1:09:47] Was that a threat?

[1:09:48] I don't know whether that's a yes or a yes.

[1:09:51] But I'll start off.

[1:09:55] I watched a movie called Cold in July.

[1:09:59] That doesn't make any sense.

[1:10:01] Which is...

[1:10:01] It's based on a Joe R. Lansdale book.

[1:10:05] Oh.

[1:10:05] And it stars Michael C. Hall, Sam Shepard, and Don Johnson.

[1:10:10] Which is...

[1:10:10] It's a pretty interesting cast.

[1:10:12] An interesting cast.

[1:10:14] Michael C. Hall and Sam Shepard, excellent as you would expect.

[1:10:17] Don Johnson has aged into a very fun character actor.

[1:10:21] And it's a Texas noir.

[1:10:25] It starts with Michael C. Hall shooting a guy, an intruder, into his house.

[1:10:30] Wait, he shoots the intruder into his house?

[1:10:33] An intruder intrudes into his house, and Michael C. Hall is a mild-mannered...

[1:10:37] It's in further...

[1:10:37] He doesn't have like a cannon, and he shoots the intruder out of it into his house.

[1:10:41] Michael C. Hall is a mild-mannered gentleman who shoots an intruder, and then discovers

[1:10:47] that the cops might be lying about who they say the intruder was.

[1:10:52] And to say any more would be too much.

[1:10:56] There's a lot of twists in the movie.

[1:10:57] A betrayal to Michael C. Hall.

[1:10:59] Yeah.

[1:10:59] I would say that the number of sort of like twists and unpredictable turns that the movie

[1:11:05] takes might be too many, actually.

[1:11:09] Like, it might skew too far in the direction of like, well, this doesn't necessarily like

[1:11:14] hang together as a story.

[1:11:16] I'm not really sure what it's saying.

[1:11:17] But the fact that the atmosphere is so good, and the performances are so good, still make

[1:11:21] it really entertaining.

[1:11:24] It kind of has some of the same tone as Blue Ruin.

[1:11:26] Not as good.

[1:11:28] But I recommend it.

[1:11:29] If you like something like Blood Simple, also, you might enjoy it.

[1:11:32] Who doesn't like Blood Simple?

[1:11:33] Fulls in July.

[1:11:34] So that's my recommendation.

[1:11:36] Elliot?

[1:11:36] Should I go next?

Hallie Haglund

[1:11:38] I'll go next, so you can finish it off.

[1:11:41] Okay.

[1:11:42] So I would recommend, I don't know if any of you guys, I'm sure many of you guys, unless

[1:11:50] you guys are too cool for this, but I've been pretty caught up in the whole Robert Durst

[1:11:56] mystery unfolding arrest scandal.

[1:11:59] But that started actually, you know, a handful of years ago when I saw the really bad movie.

[1:12:08] No, it's not really bad.

[1:12:09] It's a good, no, I'm recommending it.

[1:12:12] So if you're interested in the genre of Robert Durst, the movie that piqued my interest

[1:12:20] initially was All Good Things, which is the dramatic, you know, it's a dramatization of,

[1:12:30] and it's the same guy who, like this was his window in the guy who directed it, whose name

[1:12:36] I should know.

[1:12:36] Andrew Jarecki?

[1:12:37] Yeah.

[1:12:38] Capturing the Freedmen's guy?

[1:12:39] Yeah.

[1:12:39] And so he directed this All Good Things movie, which was Ryan Gosling starring as Robert

[1:12:47] Durst and Kirsten Dunst starring as Kathleen, whatever the fuck her name is.

[1:12:52] Durst wife.

[1:12:53] No.

[1:12:54] McCormick?

[1:12:54] Was that her name?

[1:12:55] I don't know.

[1:12:56] I forgot that movie existed.

[1:12:57] But his wife who disappeared.

[1:13:00] And this was like what initially, like Robert Durst saw this and reached out to Dwarecki.

[1:13:07] Am I pronouncing it?

[1:13:08] I saw that movie made that I'm a murderer.

[1:13:10] And was like, oh, like you're the only one who like really understands me.

[1:13:14] Like I want to do an interview with me.

[1:13:16] I want to do an interview with you, which they developed into this HBO series.

[1:13:22] But it's like, you know, if you didn't have the actual record of the real Robert Durst talking

[1:13:31] to you, it was incredibly fascinating to just hear this story.

[1:13:35] And it's so poorly cast with like Ryan Gosling as this guy and Kirsten Dunst as this woman

[1:13:42] that it's like just weird enough and fascinating enough to like see if you're wrapped up in the

[1:13:48] whole news story that's unfolding.

[1:13:51] So I would recommend that.

[1:13:53] And it's, you know, it's engaging.

[1:13:55] Like you want to watch it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:57] What was the name of the movie again?

Hallie Haglund

[1:13:58] All Good Things.

[1:13:59] All Good Things.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:01] I'm going to recommend a movie that I saw recently that I really enjoyed.

[1:14:05] I feel like half of my recommendations these days are Eastern European movies from the 60s.

[1:14:10] And this one is no exception.

[1:14:12] This is a movie called Man is Not a Bird by the Serbian, at the time Yugoslavian, but

[1:14:18] now Yugoslavia doesn't exist anymore.

[1:14:20] Serbian writer, director, Dujan Makavejev, I think his name is pronounced.

[1:14:25] And it is like a lot of these kind of Eastern European new wave movies from the 60s when things

[1:14:32] were loosening up slightly around the communist film industries, but not quite enough yet.

[1:14:39] It's kind of like a, you know, a French new wave-ish type movie filtered through a Yugoslavian

[1:14:46] communist lens about a couple different types of characters, but mainly about an engineer who

[1:14:52] comes into this kind of depressing town built around a metal refinery.

[1:15:01] And he's going to install in a mine.

[1:15:03] He's going to install this new mining equipment.

[1:15:05] And while there, he rooms at the house, at a house run by these two older, this older couple

[1:15:12] and their daughter who is younger than him, but is a young adult.

[1:15:16] And she begins to kind of woo him and he woo her back.

[1:15:20] And they have this brief relationship that at the same time becomes a metaphor in some ways,

[1:15:28] or the things around them become a metaphor for life under a communist government.

[1:15:33] And there's a circus sideshow at one point.

[1:15:36] There's hypnotists.

[1:15:37] There's a crazy character who gets into fights, who has a wife and a mistress, and they get into a big public fist fight.

[1:15:44] The wife and the mistress and then later become best friends and start hanging out all the time together.

[1:15:48] There's some really funny things, but then it ends on a much bleaker note than you expect going into it.

[1:15:54] And it's one of these kind of mid-60s European movies that's shot really gorgeously with a lot of like very natural looking images,

[1:16:01] but really crisp and a lot of handheld camera, but not blurry.

[1:16:06] And I just enjoyed it a lot.

[1:16:08] So if you get the chance, go seek it out.

[1:16:10] It's called Man is Not a Bird.

[1:16:12] I really liked it a lot.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:14] Man is not a bird.

[1:16:17] That's the lesson I've learned tonight.

[1:16:18] I mean, the title is really true.

[1:16:21] There's a lot of truth in that movie, starting with the title.

[1:16:26] Hallie, it's been a delight.

[1:16:29] Thank you so much for coming in and filling in for Stuart.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:32] Wearing Sarah's sweater.

[1:16:34] You filled Stuart's shoes and Sarah's sweater.

[1:16:37] Thanks for watching this movie with us and enjoying the ROM and the COM.

Hallie Haglund

[1:16:41] Oh, thank you for having me a lot.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:46] You're welcome.

[1:16:48] A lot.

[1:16:48] Very much.

[1:16:50] And listeners, hope you enjoyed this episode and show your enjoyment by pledging.

[1:16:54] What do you get when you pledge?

[1:16:55] You'll get the bonus episode.

[1:16:57] So really, twice as much Flophouse as you're used to if you pledge at MaximumFun.org.

Hallie Haglund

[1:17:02] And a collapsible water bottle.

[1:17:06] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:07] I mean anything that you really want, this collapsible water bottle.

[1:17:09] You keep mentioning it and your birthday is coming up.

[1:17:12] But for the Flophouse, another episode.

[1:17:17] I've been Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:18] Is that the subtitle of this episode?

[1:17:20] Another episode?

[1:17:21] Another episode.

[1:17:21] Like another 48 hours?

Dan McCoy

[1:17:23] Yeah, it's not a very well thought out subtitle.

[1:17:24] The Flophouse, colon, another episode.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:28] Yeah.

[1:17:29] I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:17:30] I think I'm still Elliot Kalin.

Hallie Haglund

[1:17:33] I hope I'm still Hallie Haglund.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:37] Good night, everyone.

[1:17:38] Yeah, you pet that cat, Hallie.

[1:17:40] Whoa, that was weird.

[1:17:41] You pet that cat, Hallie.

[1:17:42] I don't like that at all.

[1:17:43] Stop it.

Hallie Haglund

[1:17:47] So we watched a pretty heavy movie tonight, people.

[1:17:50] So you're just probably going to get a lot of that dynamic.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:54] Yeah, I mean, if either you need to cry, because I know I will, just feel like it's a safe space.

[1:17:59] Dan is crying.

[1:18:00] People die.

Hallie Haglund

[1:18:02] But he's biting his fist at the same time.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:03] I mean, I cry at the front post.

[1:18:04] Because his fist is delicious.

[1:18:06] That's here.

Hallie Haglund

[1:18:06] His fist is made of...

[1:18:08] Fondant.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:10] Ew, but then it tastes terrible.

[1:18:11] I'm fond of it.

[1:18:13] So this has been a much of unusual bullshit.

[1:18:17] Yeah, so let's start with the episode, maybe.

[1:18:19] So let's start the show.

[1:18:20] You might even want to delete what just went out.

[1:18:22] No, this is all going into the outtakes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:25] That really?

[1:18:26] Not really even outtakes.

[1:18:27] Energy!

[1:18:30] Good work, Hallie.

[1:18:31] You can't spell Hallie without E for energy.

[1:18:35] And H for hell.

Ep. #174 - That Awkward Moment

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