Ep. #181 - Jupiter Ascending

[0:00] Tonight we watched Jupiter Ascending, the story of a dog man and a lady who loved him.

[0:06] Spoiler alert, they fall in love.

[0:09] And she controls bees.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to The Flophouse.

[0:40] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:41] Hey guys, it's me, Stuart, that guy from The Flophouse.

[0:46] And your last name?

[0:47] Wellington.

[0:48] And it's me, Elliot Kalin, bon vivant, man about town, star of stage, screen, and screen

[0:56] stage.

[0:57] Stuart, I enjoyed that you identified yourself from the thing that they're listening to right

[1:01] now.

[1:02] You might remember me from such podcasts as this one, which you downloaded.

[1:07] Channeled some Troy McClure there.

[1:09] Welcome to The Flophouse.

[1:10] I'm Stuart Wellington, parentheses, The Flophouse.

[1:12] I don't have that many credits, guys.

[1:14] That's how they list them in backstage.

[1:17] How are you going to buy stuff at the Star Wars store if you're all out of credits?

[1:21] I'm out of space credits?

[1:22] I don't know.

[1:23] I'll have to, I don't know, melt a hundred people down into a brick of space juice.

[1:27] Yeah, to have your youth liquid to exchange for moon bucks.

[1:33] Thanks for the primer on the exchange rates in space.

[1:36] Or the Bathory emulsion or whatever they call it.

[1:41] This will all make sense later, folks.

[1:42] Dan, explain what this podcast does.

[1:45] This podcast comes out of your music player.

[1:47] Functionally what it does is we talk about a bad movie.

[1:53] Functionally what it does is it gives you something to listen to while you're cleaning

[1:55] your house.

[1:56] Sure.

[1:57] Or filing a tax return on the subway, jogging.

[2:02] Don't file a tax return on the subway.

[2:04] That's sensitive information.

[2:05] If you have a nonsense fetish and you need something to masturbate to.

[2:09] You're jerking it.

[2:10] Yeah.

[2:11] The thing is, I was thinking about the same thing.

[2:14] So we're brothers in stupid perversion.

[2:17] Stupid perversion would be a pretty funny movie.

[2:21] It's like a dumb and dumber porno.

[2:23] Yeah.

[2:24] There's a guy who's really into clown shoes.

[2:26] He's got a clown shoe fetish.

[2:28] Oh, they're just dumb perversions.

[2:31] Not clowns.

[2:32] Just the shoes, please.

[2:33] I guess that's better than just dumb guys who are pervert.

[2:36] Because I think a lot of the internet's filled with those guys.

[2:38] I'm really into sea anemones that have been dipped in red paint.

[2:42] What is sexy about that?

[2:45] Blame my family.

[2:46] It just does it for me.

[2:47] It's just something I'm really into.

[2:48] It's the way I'm wired, I guess.

[2:49] I was a kid and that was it.

[2:52] I was masturbating once when a bat flew through the window.

[2:55] Ever since I've had to dress up like a bat to get off.

[2:58] To fight crime and then jerk it over the criminal's eye.

[3:04] Perverts are a superstitious and cowardly lot.

[3:06] Just gets my engine going.

[3:08] I also, by the way, get turned on by the soundtrack of Real Steel.

[3:15] I just happened to be listening to it once and it just did it for me.

[3:18] Yeah, it just clicks.

[3:20] I just hit puberty at the exact time that Real Steel was released in theaters.

[3:23] At the exact time that the soundtrack to Real Steel was released in stores.

[3:26] Speaking of clicks, I get weirdly turned on by the Milo Minara comic strip Click.

[3:30] It was a sex comic strip comic.

[3:32] Oh, I guess that's not that weird.

[3:33] It's not as weird as getting turned on by, like, Beetle Bailey.

[3:36] Although, even then, I was totally assuming you were going to say Beetle Bailey.

[3:40] Let's say Fred Bassett.

[3:42] Or getting turned on by High and Lois.

[3:46] Let me tell you.

[3:47] Lois, she really settled into married life.

[3:50] So did High.

[3:51] That's a McIlf, a mother from comics I'd like to find.

[3:58] I'm in character right now, guys.

[4:00] That's not, I'm not speaking.

[4:01] In character as what?

[4:02] I'm not speaking.

[4:03] Dan McCoy, the weirdo?

[4:04] Dan McCoy.

[4:05] I'm speaking as a guy who gets off on High and Lois.

[4:07] Oh, I see.

[4:08] Yeah.

[4:09] Oh, man.

[4:10] What if Lois was with the mom from Marvin?

[4:13] Oh.

[4:14] Sure.

[4:15] Hot stuff.

[4:17] I didn't realize Lockhorn could get into this.

[4:18] I have a weird thing for Rose from Rose is Rose.

[4:21] Well, Rose is a little girl.

[4:23] Wait, Rose is the girl?

[4:24] I thought she was the mom.

[4:25] I thought the mom had a different name.

[4:27] Is Rose the mom?

[4:28] Dan, explain.

[4:29] I thought Rose was the girl.

[4:30] We need to get Slylock Fox on this one.

[4:31] I know that mom.

[4:32] I know that every once in a while the mom imagines she's a biker lady.

[4:36] Yeah, she has a Rose tattoo when that happens.

[4:39] So maybe she's Rose.

[4:40] Oh, like a play of the same name.

[4:42] Yeah, Angry Anderson.

[4:44] Isn't that a Tennessee Williams play, The Rose Tattoo?

[4:46] You're thinking of a streetcar named Rose from Golden Girls.

[4:49] Okay.

[4:50] So, we said this was a movie podcast.

[4:52] Did we say that?

[4:53] It's actually a gibberish podcast, but eventually we get around to movies.

[4:57] Which we'll do tonight, and the movie is...

[4:59] Jupiter Ascending, starring Channing Tatum and...

[5:04] LaCunis.

[5:05] And...

[5:06] Eddie Redmayne.

[5:07] And...

[5:08] Sean Bean.

[5:09] And...

[5:10] Uh, That Lady from Orphan Black.

[5:12] And...

[5:14] A Bunch of Squid Guys.

[5:15] And...

[5:16] That Lady from Luther.

[5:17] And...

[5:18] One of the Gargoyles from TV's Gargoyles.

[5:19] And...

[5:20] Um...

[5:21] Uh, Jupiter?

[5:22] And...

[5:23] Uh, the guy who plays Howard Stark's butler on, uh, Agent Carter.

[5:29] I did it.

[5:30] And...

[5:31] Um...

[5:32] Fuck.

[5:33] And...

[5:34] Uh, I think there's a surprising lack of fucking in this movie.

[5:37] And, I think...

[5:38] Not that surprising, I guess.

[5:39] You're both forgetting the true star of the movie.

[5:40] A lady's butt was in it?

[5:42] There isn't one scene where he's in a lady's butt.

[5:44] The true star of the film, a pair of humble rocket shoes.

[5:47] That's right.

[5:48] Which steal the show by being used in every action scene.

[5:52] Saves the day.

[5:53] Would a rocket crocodile wear these shoes?

[5:55] Rocket crocodile has a jet pack, but maybe he has shoes as a backup.

[5:58] Rocket crocodile watching this movie would be totally, uh, confused as to who to root

[6:03] for.

[6:04] Should it, should he be, uh, rooting for the Flying Dinosaur Men or the Rocket Shoes?

[6:08] I gotta say, if I'm imagining a Rocket Crocodile movie, it's basically this movie...

[6:12] You are imagining it, because it doesn't exist.

[6:14] It's basically this movie, only not boring.

[6:16] Like, if there's a not boring version of this movie...

[6:19] Like, a lot more nudity, and I believe I said that Danzig did the whole score.

[6:22] Yeah.

[6:23] But, uh...

[6:24] So, it's like heavy metal across with this movie.

[6:25] Which is already kind of heavy metal-y.

[6:26] Yeah.

[6:27] Yeah, well, this movie is kind of like, it's like, here's what this movie is.

[6:30] I think one you got, I think maybe it was Stewart, compared it to The Fifth Element.

[6:34] Mm-hmm.

[6:35] Yep.

[6:36] Which it is, it's like, The Fifth Element...

[6:37] This is more like The Third Element.

[6:39] And very, like, if someone read a lot of, like, Larry Niven novels, and, like, Cord

[6:43] Wintersmith's...

[6:44] David Niven?

[6:45] ...Instrumentality of Mankind stories, and, like, smashed them all together, and, like,

[6:49] then watched Flash Gore in the movie, and was like, oh, I'll just do that.

[6:52] Yeah.

[6:53] Like, it's a very, it's, this is a, this is a science fiction, space opera, campy movie.

[7:00] Yeah.

[7:01] So, uh, let's, let's summarize this whole big old plot of it.

[7:05] Let's summarize...

[7:06] Let's summarize Proust, guys.

[7:07] Well, uh, Proust did his first book, Wrote About, Wrote About, Proust did his first book,

[7:11] Wrote About, Wrote About, he wrote, oh, Time's Up, remember that bit?

[7:14] Yeah.

[7:15] It's the bit you were just talking about.

[7:16] Classic.

[7:17] So we, uh, it's...

[7:18] So the movie begins...

[7:19] Things get off to a good start with a voiceover.

[7:20] Yeah.

[7:21] Because, you know a movie's gonna be good when a character starts explaining who they

[7:24] are to you in voiceover.

[7:26] We know that Mila Kunis is a, she's a young lady who is the daughter of a Russian woman

[7:32] and an English astronomer.

[7:34] Mm-hmm.

[7:35] And one day when her mother was pregnant, out of nowhere, as I guess happens all the

[7:38] time in Russia, a bunch of hoodlums burst into their apartment...

[7:42] Violent goons.

[7:43] ...stole a telescope and a computer and some money and shot the father.

[7:46] And shot, you know, the elder, uh, wait, no, hold on, the, the butler from The Elder Tony

[7:52] Stark.

[7:53] Exactly.

[7:54] And the mother...

[7:55] And you think he might pull of the crow later on, but he doesn't.

[7:57] He's dead.

[7:58] Yeah.

[7:59] The original Jarvis is gone.

[8:02] And he, so, uh, she illegal immigrates to America in a shipping container that is left

[8:07] open, I guess, so they can get lovely sea breezes on the, on the crate ship, uh, and

[8:12] Mila Kunis is born in that shipping crate.

[8:15] She returns, she, they arrive and I guess they have some cousins who live in Chicago

[8:19] and they are together.

[8:20] It's like she's born and immediately is a commodity, Elliot.

[8:24] That's what that represents.

[8:25] Wow.

[8:26] It's deep.

[8:27] Yeah, continue.

[8:28] That's deep.

[8:29] So we cut ahead to, we are now on an alien planet somewhere that looks like Frank Gehry

[8:33] designed all the buildings.

[8:34] There's blue sand and there's three evil space siblings, Eddie Redmayne, this lady and this

[8:40] other dude.

[8:41] A couple of space Downton Abbeys.

[8:43] Yeah, who basically, their names are Balaam, Kalik, and Titus.

[8:47] And they're talking about how they, they should inherit this thing and, uh, they inherited

[8:52] different planets from their mom and Balaam got Jupiter and Titus got something else.

[8:58] And, uh, they want earth.

[9:00] Earth is the thing that they want and it's, we find out later, I'm not going to, I'm not

[9:05] going to do what the movie does, which is like make you know it.

[9:08] You know exactly what this movie is about, but they wait a long time to confirm it.

[9:13] But they own planets and they harvest the planets by killing everybody on it and turning

[9:17] them into like youth fluid, which they then bathe in and it makes them young.

[9:22] And they, there's a, but like Stewart said, while we're watching, they have a bunch of

[9:25] Lazarus pits.

[9:26] Yeah.

[9:27] And let's, I mean, let's back up and say that this is a movie directed by the Wachowski

[9:30] siblings.

[9:31] So they're basically, uh, recycling the humans as batteries idea from their matrix films.

[9:37] And let me tell you, but humans as a life forces, these batteries, youth forces are

[9:42] not included.

[9:43] Oh boy.

[9:44] Oh no, wait a minute.

[9:45] So there aren't little burger shaped, uh, UFOs popping around.

[9:48] No, Don Amici's not in it.

[9:51] Yeah, they were, they are burger shaped, I guess.

[9:54] Yeah.

[9:56] Well, they're not adorable.

[9:57] Did they not have a scene in that where, where one gets trapped between two pieces of bread?

[10:00] and a fat man almost eats it.

[10:02] That's why I said burger.

[10:04] It's essential.

[10:06] I haven't seen that movie since it was in the theater.

[10:08] This is when the one gives birth

[10:10] and it gives birth to a little baby robot.

[10:12] Yeah.

[10:14] They're helping a building not get torn down

[10:16] so they're basically like

[10:18] Shabadoo, whatever.

[10:20] I like Shabadoo too.

[10:22] They're like, well, we could get

[10:24] flying alien baby burgers.

[10:26] Robot burger aliens.

[10:28] I guess we could get bikini car wash.

[10:30] I don't know which one would be better.

[10:32] There's all these options.

[10:34] You got aliens, that's the top option.

[10:36] You can't afford that.

[10:38] Then you go to the second best special effect, boobs.

[10:40] And then you got break dancing.

[10:42] And beyond that,

[10:44] really, you just have a bake sale.

[10:46] That's how you save a building.

[10:48] If you had an alien bikini break bake sale.

[10:50] Oh boy, I would pay

[10:52] upwards of, I don't know,

[10:54] $50.

[10:56] What if schools

[10:58] got all the money they needed and the Air Force

[11:00] had to have a bikini robot break bake sale

[11:02] to buy a bomber?

[11:04] If I could only have a bumper sticker

[11:06] that expresses that sentiment in some way.

[11:08] Well, just go to Cafe Press and type in that

[11:10] and then pay me for the

[11:12] intellectual property rights.

[11:14] $400 please.

[11:16] Wow, okay.

[11:18] It's an expensive bumper sticker but it's worth it.

[11:20] When people see it and they go,

[11:22] what?

[11:24] All the car crashes are going to be starting

[11:26] as people look at it and then do a double take.

[11:28] Lose control of the wheel.

[11:30] I think we found our new Max Plan

[11:32] piece of merch, actually.

[11:34] Is that bumper sticker?

[11:36] Let's get it going.

[11:38] Jesse Thorne on the horn.

[11:40] Thorne on the horn.

[11:42] That's his new show.

[11:44] Jesse Thorne tells you about what different

[11:46] animal horns that he's collected

[11:48] during his exotic trips abroad.

[11:50] During his many years

[11:52] as a safari guide.

[11:54] This is either from a narwhal

[11:56] or it fell out of a staircase.

[11:58] Or it's a French horn.

[12:02] I shot up

[12:04] an orchestra.

[12:06] I don't really know

[12:08] horns. This is either

[12:10] a French horn or

[12:12] a trombone. I don't know.

[12:14] Now this is something I got in the deepest wilds

[12:16] of Laos. It's candy corn.

[12:18] But I pronounce it candy ca-horn.

[12:20] So it sounds like horn

[12:22] is in there.

[12:24] I'm a crazy person.

[12:26] It's me, Jesse Thorne,

[12:28] head of Max Fun.

[12:30] We've libeled him.

[12:32] I can prove in court that

[12:34] he collects candy corn.

[12:36] So,

[12:38] the movie.

[12:40] There's this whole

[12:42] universe where

[12:44] humanity is actually a species

[12:46] that's existed for many, many millennia.

[12:48] Like a billion years.

[12:50] And they've expanded to all these different planets

[12:52] where they've genetically modified their own genes,

[12:54] I guess, so that they can live on those planets.

[12:56] But the original humans,

[12:58] the O.H.'s, if you will,

[13:00] they are

[13:02] now super rich,

[13:04] wealthy aristocrats,

[13:06] except there only seems to be...

[13:08] The aristocrats!

[13:10] Except there only seems to be

[13:12] three of them in the house of Abraxas.

[13:14] Or Abrasax.

[13:16] Wait, which one is it?

[13:18] It's Abrasax, but I thought they were saying Abraxas,

[13:20] like the eye of Abraxas.

[13:22] Yeah, it's like a big brass axe that they have on the wall?

[13:24] Yeah, Abrasax.

[13:26] Only one.

[13:28] Or it's Abrasax, like it's a saxophone bra.

[13:30] Oh, I thought you meant Saxabras.

[13:32] They took the sexiest instrument

[13:34] and applied it to the sexiest body part,

[13:36] the boob, for the Brasax.

[13:38] Science has long

[13:40] sought the sexiest body part.

[13:42] That's what it's called.

[13:44] In our search for the sexiest body part,

[13:46] we narrowed it down to

[13:48] the boob, the butt,

[13:50] and the nose.

[13:52] Now, we're pretty sure we can eliminate the nose.

[13:54] That might be a margin of error.

[13:56] But we need to test it.

[13:58] Also, the little fold around your mouth

[14:00] when you smile,

[14:02] how is that? Is that in there?

[14:04] Now, some say that the brain is the sexiest body part.

[14:06] Those people are wrong.

[14:08] Look at that brain. It's gross.

[14:10] It's like a big gray mush.

[14:12] I don't want to.

[14:14] Now, let's show you a boob.

[14:16] Even alone, solo.

[14:18] It's still got the stuff.

[14:20] Now, imagine a three-boobed person,

[14:22] as you might find in space.

[14:24] Now, remove one of those boobs.

[14:26] Now, we're at what we call boob classic.

[14:28] Just two.

[14:30] Three boobs. Why, that would imprint my brain

[14:32] early as a child and stay with me forever.

[14:34] Great. It's what we call a stupid fetish.

[14:36] Stupid perversion.

[14:38] Oh, that's right.

[14:40] Anyway, Mila Kunis.

[14:42] It is one of...

[14:44] Is she...

[14:46] You keep saying Kunis.

[14:48] Is it Kunis?

[14:52] Mila Kunis.

[14:54] I've never met her.

[14:56] She's never told me what her name is.

[14:58] Anyway, Mila Kunis.

[15:00] Maybe there's a YouTube video of her

[15:02] saying her name somewhere.

[15:04] She's living her life as a janitor.

[15:06] She uses the fake name of one of her clients

[15:08] who we see in her underpants

[15:10] to...

[15:12] That's the most memorable thing about it.

[15:14] ...to make a plan to sell her eggs

[15:16] to make money to buy a telescope

[15:18] like her dad once had.

[15:20] But when she's at this person's house

[15:22] hiding in the closet,

[15:24] a bunch of aliens come along

[15:26] and try to kidnap that woman.

[15:28] She takes a picture of it

[15:30] and then they zap her with an amnesia ray

[15:32] and she wakes up and everything's fine.

[15:34] She goes to...

[15:36] That's the funniest bit in the movie.

[15:38] Where she starts taking a picture?

[15:40] Yeah, she sees aliens attacking her friend

[15:42] and her immediate reaction is to hold up her iPhone

[15:44] and try and snap a shot.

[15:46] It would be funny if she was trying to take a selfie

[15:48] where she's making a duck face

[15:50] with these aliens behind her.

[15:52] She goes to the clinic where she's going to sell the eggs

[15:54] and it turns out, uh-oh,

[15:56] it's a front.

[15:58] It's a front for the aliens that were trying to get to her

[16:00] when they were going after that other woman.

[16:02] Luckily, she's saved by a little guy

[16:04] named Channing Tatum,

[16:06] a.k.a. Cain Wise,

[16:08] a dog man.

[16:10] Oh, did we mention the character's name is Jupiter Jones?

[16:12] Some kind of outer space blaxploitation.

[16:14] By the way, as far as I'm concerned, there's one Jupiter Jones

[16:16] and he's the head of the three investigators

[16:18] along with Pete Crenshaw

[16:20] and Bob Andrews.

[16:22] Now, if you don't know the three investigators,

[16:24] imagine the Hardy Boys,

[16:26] but imagine that they're imprinted by...

[16:28] that they are a

[16:30] branded Alfred Hitchcock production.

[16:32] Brandon was involved.

[16:34] They're a branded Alfred Hitchcock thing.

[16:36] Like, Alfred Hitchcock slapped his name

[16:38] on a bunch of shit back in the day.

[16:40] Oh, yeah. Alfred Hitchcock's shit

[16:42] was the premier brand of shit.

[16:44] But if you enjoy...

[16:46] Alfred Hitchcock's shuttlecocks.

[16:48] Alfred Hitchcock's

[16:50] hitchhiking thumb extenders.

[16:52] If you're an 11-year-old boy,

[16:54] I suggest that you seek out the adventures

[16:56] of the three investigators,

[16:58] the premier boy detectives of my youth.

[17:00] Anyway, Jupiter Jones. That's all I'm saying.

[17:02] If you're an 11-year-old boy, go to sleep, dude.

[17:04] This show's on way too late for you.

[17:06] And it is inappropriate.

[17:08] What?

[17:10] We're going out live right now to America?

[17:14] Imagine. Imagine the terribleness

[17:16] if that was true.

[17:18] It would be very frightening.

[17:20] Anyway, we've already seen this guy

[17:22] fight a bunch of alien bounty hunters or whatever.

[17:24] And here's the great thing that is both...

[17:26] Here's when you know this movie is both

[17:28] stupid and kind of fun

[17:30] is that the designs for these

[17:32] characters are like if someone

[17:34] was doing a

[17:36] big-budget remake of a crappy

[17:38] Italian 80s science-fiction

[17:40] action movie. Which itself is like a knockoff

[17:42] of a Star Wars.

[17:44] All the bad guys have eye patches

[17:46] and shoulder pads and are all

[17:48] like...

[17:52] That's a good impression

[17:54] of someone dubbing

[17:56] aspects from Italian.

[17:58] I love that when you're dubbing an Italian movie

[18:00] they also have to dub the non-verbal

[18:02] shit.

[18:04] Because they don't know if sound was recorded on the set.

[18:06] It's not like they're dubbing it just for language.

[18:08] In most of the old Italian movies

[18:10] they didn't record sound on set.

[18:12] So that's why even great Italian movies

[18:14] have shitty voice dubbing in them.

[18:16] That's why even movies that are in English

[18:18] like the Spaghetti Westerns...

[18:20] That's also partly because

[18:22] when they're making a lot of the Spaghetti Westerns,

[18:24] the cast spoke the same language.

[18:26] So you have to dub half the cast anyway.

[18:28] And their mouths were full of spaghetti the whole time.

[18:30] That's true.

[18:32] Because they had to carbo-load

[18:34] before every shot.

[18:36] It's just the Italian way.

[18:38] Marathon filmmaking, they called it.

[18:40] The director was always like,

[18:42] Mangia! Mangia!

[18:44] On every set, Sergio Leone's mama was going around

[18:46] shoving spaghetti into Clint Eastwood's face.

[18:48] Clint, you've got to eat!

[18:50] You're wasting away!

[18:52] Sergio Leone.

[18:56] I'll finish this scene right now.

[18:58] No one makes a marinara like you.

[19:00] There's two kinds of men in this world.

[19:02] Those with loaded guns and those

[19:04] who dig.

[19:08] There's a bunch of battles

[19:10] between these crazy bounty hunters

[19:12] and our male hero of the movie

[19:14] who is kind of the Han Solo

[19:16] and Chewbacca combined.

[19:18] Yeah, he's Barf, the mog.

[19:20] His name is Cainwise and he is a

[19:22] genetically-engineered man-dog soldier.

[19:24] He used to have wings, but he lost them

[19:26] because he went crazy and he bit somebody.

[19:28] I found the cure for wings, but I lost them.

[19:30] I found the cure for a peach,

[19:32] I found the cure for not flying,

[19:34] but I lost it.

[19:36] Nobody found it.

[19:38] He got his wings cut off.

[19:40] But now he can fly even better

[19:42] because he's got...

[19:44] Red Bull?

[19:46] No, because he's got...

[19:48] Rocket boots!

[19:50] He's got rocket shoes

[19:52] and he uses them all the time.

[19:54] Even when they don't really help him,

[19:56] he's just floating like a half an inch

[19:58] above the ground.

[20:00] but he'll get he's gotten katie is captured like three or four times and

[20:03] every time they like book it is given those right one keepers are going to get

[20:06] hit the same way that uh...

[20:08] the first was so much you know in the in the first uh...

[20:11] time to get a little later man fought the vulture in the old comics

[20:15] it's roman jail in the end is this a shot of vulture in jail still in his

[20:18] vulture costume

[20:19] but take his flying suit away do it so you do it because there's an old man

[20:22] like because it is totally harmless without his vulture soon

[20:27] but if they're always like

[20:28] came wise can is the super best fighter in the universe because he has rocket

[20:32] shoes

[20:32] should we

[20:33] you know like

[20:34] impound those man

[20:36] we've been running shoes on

[20:38] i heard those are a myth

[20:41] uh... and his special device with that he is is to throw on things that makes

[20:44] holes in them

[20:46] which i guess you just call it a bomb in real life today you know these are

[20:49] extended so he's protected and it turns out

[20:52] he's a former soldier he's working for

[20:54] titus abracex abracex triton titus androgynous who is the youngest of the

[21:00] three siblings i guess

[21:02] uh... meanwhile uh... he takes so he takes milk unit there's a big space

[21:06] battle in chicago

[21:07] where there's space ships space planes flying around shooting each other

[21:10] uh... piloted by naked aliens and

[21:14] got shot up like a mugget and these space planes like have their wings move

[21:18] around in different sections and are detached and retouched

[21:21] and uh... this what this fight goes on for a long time over

[21:25] the almost totally deserted streets of chicago this is one of america's biggest

[21:30] cities

[21:31] there is nobody on the streets

[21:33] nothing they're blowing up buildings

[21:35] they're flying low over the streets

[21:37] you never see people running on like

[21:39] it's like chicago imposed a curfew a curfew right before

[21:42] this movie takes place in another in an alternate reality where everyone in

[21:46] chicago has to be in bed like by nine thirty

[21:48] yep we gotta get home in time to watch friends

[21:52] maybe the movie is set during friends fever

[21:55] is there anything in the movie that doesn't make it the nineties aside from her

[21:57] iphone that she used to take a picture with

[21:59] no it's probably the nineties

[22:02] and uh... and also this being a

[22:04] a wachowski film

[22:05] uh... everyone looks like they just came from a rave

[22:08] yep

[22:09] which is not to say the design in this is not bad and there are a bunch of

[22:12] scenes in this with costumes

[22:13] that i would dare say are

[22:15] even tarsem-ish

[22:17] no it's great it looks like uh... they have real interesting designs again like

[22:21] the fifth element and those costumes it was that woman's name i don't remember

[22:24] like the fifth element it looks like a bunch of weird european sci-fi comics

[22:29] which is a thing i don't love it's real moebius

[22:32] i love their visuals

[22:34] their visuals are fun even if i can't necessarily like sit down and read that shit

[22:39] sure yeah

[22:40] you're not that into the history of the meta-barons but you sure like looking at

[22:44] them

[22:45] everyone looks like uh... ledron drew it or painted it

[22:49] anybody? ledron james

[22:50] yeah ledron james

[22:53] the uh... the uh... comic book artist turned basketball player

[22:57] turned comic book artist because he wasn't that good at basketball

[22:59] so uh...

[23:01] channing tatum takes her to a farm run by sean bean

[23:05] what kind of as his friend stinger a peenie

[23:08] wait is that really? apparently according to wikipedia his last name is a peenie

[23:13] yeah and he's surrounded by beehives wait so that's what you're talking about and not his name is

[23:18] a peenie? it sounds like a bee is stinging his penis

[23:22] stinger a peenie

[23:25] maybe that's how he got his name i don't know his house is covered in beehives there's bees

[23:28] everywhere and

[23:30] kane and stinger get in a fight because stinger blames kane for getting him into

[23:33] trouble

[23:34] and i guess exiling him to earth i don't know but it turns out the bees all

[23:39] obey mila kunis's jupiter's orders

[23:42] turns out that's how they know she is

[23:45] royalty

[23:46] why is that? bees were genetically designed to recognize royalty

[23:51] because what other way would you have a recognizing royalty than to hope they

[23:54] wander into a huge bee farm and just have a cloud of bees flying around them

[23:59] uh... it turns out that

[24:01] they explain a bunch of the bullshit backstory and uh... it turns out that

[24:05] this movie is filled with explaining bullshit backstory yes a lot of times

[24:09] it's delivered by aliens who are totally like wake up sheeple people are

[24:13] stupid yeah they're great they're very condescending or it's delivered by eddie

[24:17] redmayne going

[24:19] talking like this

[24:20] yeah very low

[24:22] like this

[24:23] i'm a lover and then i'm yelling and now i'm back like this

[24:26] like a meatloaf song or he's like a walking space meatloaf

[24:30] or it's delivered by sean bean and then it sounds convincing i think that's in the

[24:34] background of one of the scenes

[24:37] yeah sean bean actually does a does a pretty good job of delivering the exposition

[24:41] they uh...

[24:43] but she gets captured by the bounty hunters she gets taken to the palace of

[24:47] kalik the sister of the siblings

[24:49] uh... who explains that she is the genetic reincarnation of the mother of

[24:54] the brass axe kids

[24:56] uh... and a brass axe

[24:59] wait did we do that again? you did that bit already

[25:01] we literally talked about brass axe

[25:04] brass axe

[25:05] is that a thing? no

[25:07] i mean there's brass statues that have asses i'm guessing

[25:10] this shows how much i forget what we do on the podcast literally

[25:14] within the course of one podcast i forget what we've said already yes

[25:18] uh... it doesn't help that you've had how many beers? shut up whoa dude take it

[25:23] fucking easy mom

[25:25] i'm your mother guys and i care about you just because i'm a guy who's

[25:29] younger than both of you doesn't mean i'm not your mom

[25:32] that checks out

[25:34] man or monster that's what mom stands for and i think you're a monster

[25:39] oh man

[25:41] there's a whole bunch of stuff

[25:43] they she gets rescued by this spaceship

[25:46] that i'm not sure they're like space police or something i don't really get

[25:49] why they're helping her out but it's this spaceship that and there's let's

[25:53] get one thing straight

[25:54] this movie is full of crazy aliens and until they start explaining the

[25:58] backstory they're just thrown crazy alien designs you have one or two

[26:02] there's like these luchador doom bot guards and there's like flying dragon men

[26:07] there's elephant faces there's squid faces there's like rat faces

[26:11] there's all sorts of crazy stuff

[26:14] it's this would be a more fun movie if it was just different aliens walking on

[26:17] screen just introduce themselves then leaving

[26:21] because here in the ship like a weird like like a saturday night live uh...

[26:25] sketch but it's just like

[26:27] just aliens just aliens ringing the doorbell walking in saying hi there's one woman

[26:31] who's an alien who just has huge ears

[26:33] there's another guy there's a bunch of aliens with huge ears i think there's a race of them

[26:36] but like her only alien characteristic is that she has these enormous ears

[26:40] there's uh...

[26:42] these guys who have just little bits of metal stuck to their faces there's this

[26:46] woman who looks like this fedka vodka robot there's a couple of those

[26:49] there's so much like

[26:51] the designers on this went crazy and there is

[26:53] no unifying aesthetic whatsoever

[26:56] there's like

[26:57] some of it looks like it's taking place in firefly

[26:59] sometimes it looks like it's taking place in like ender's game

[27:03] sometimes it looks like an anime

[27:05] sometimes it looks like yeah an anime like macross or some crap

[27:08] there's a robotech totally looks like fucking macross there's a bunch of gundams

[27:12] flying around yeah i expected the bad guys to blow up the uh... good guys using

[27:17] some kind of and there's a long pop song

[27:20] weapon thing like in

[27:21] macross sometimes they they're in rivendell like there's all sorts of places

[27:25] and there's a long scene that is explicitly

[27:27] a reference to uh... brazil because terry gilliam literally shows up at the

[27:31] end of it for no reason

[27:33] they take her okay now they take her

[27:35] to prove that she's a queen and get the title for it that she's royalty

[27:39] which is a long sequence that's a satire on bureaucracy they've got to get all

[27:43] this paperwork all over the place led by some robot

[27:46] and then it ends with terry gilliam literally giving them the title

[27:49] and then she makes a joke she makes reference to how they need a twenty

[27:52] three b stroke six

[27:54] uh...

[27:55] that's the right one right yeah

[27:56] from uh... form and it's like

[27:59] what like it's like them so they hired somebody else to direct the movie for a

[28:02] scene and they brought in someone who's just like super goofy

[28:05] to do anything it's like we took we all talked about how like that

[28:09] probably is the most entertaining scene in the movie it just feels like it's

[28:12] different from a different movie well the tone i wish this movie the tone of this movie was

[28:15] like

[28:16] sillier it's a pretty silly movie yeah

[28:19] kind of

[28:20] but like the the the soundtrack is always like

[28:22] ha ha ha

[28:25] and every time you see a planet or a ship or whatever

[28:29] the movie stops for a moment

[28:31] it's a like act because like

[28:33] you're gonna be pretty blown away by this gaze upon my works audience yeah

[28:37] well that's the thing and despair like it's it acts like we've never seen

[28:41] spaceships or

[28:43] robots or whatever in a movie and like we're gonna be super blown away by the

[28:46] stuff that we've seen before but also any movie where a dog man is protecting

[28:51] the cleaning lady queen of the universe

[28:53] named jupiter himself a serious and i think at times they are trying not to

[28:57] take themselves to seriously like

[28:59] they are aiming i think for the kind of pulp fun that like star wars provides

[29:03] sure but there's still something about them that has to be like

[29:06] cool you know

[29:08] like a like a

[29:10] i think maybe they're trying for the kind of thing they had with like speed

[29:12] racer i guess it's like daddy's fifth that's exactly what i was

[29:17] that's exactly what i was about to say which is like speed racer was another

[29:20] movie that was savaged by critics

[29:22] but i really thought speed racer is kind of brilliant in some way because

[29:26] thing about speed racer is it was

[29:28] just super hyper crazy like some like they were throwing everything at the

[29:33] screen

[29:34] and i can understand how that's over the critics

[29:37] i guess i have that rotten tomatoes shoes

[29:40] but that's the sort of thing that is not gonna work for everybody some people are

[29:43] gonna be like this is hyperactive i don't like it i'm not into it

[29:47] but at least

[29:48] it moved it moved quickly and this uh... film slows down

[29:53] a number of such long periods of just like people standing and trading

[29:56] position even the action sequences are

[29:59] really

[30:00] Confusing and not well choreographed and a lot of like when one of the problems with when your spaceships are always changing shape is like

[30:07] It makes it that much harder to see what's going on and figure out what's happening and the effects are so

[30:14] Cartoony that like it the character the characters just don't look like they're all on the same plane of reality and things like that like

[30:20] Some effects in it work really well

[30:23] Some don't work that well and unfortunately in the big action sequences like geography is just thrown right out of the window

[30:29] You don't know where people are suddenly someone will be falling down a hole suddenly

[30:33] Someone will be exploding

[30:34] Someone will be flying through a thing and there's something smashing over there and like you're up too close to really tell what it is

[30:39] and then like a lizard monsters just

[30:41] Watching and not taking part and then there's like an exploding Sun or something like that

[30:46] And then a thing falls through a grav dome like, you know, it's

[30:50] No, you're right. I too often the action sequences fall into the trap of just like

[30:56] Forward forward forward not enough setup. So you don't really you don't really understand the environment that well. Yeah

[31:03] You don't understand the stakes of it now just to make a long story short Titus shows up again. He kidnaps

[31:09] Jupiter he almost tricks her into marrying him because she is gullible

[31:14] But dog band comes back and saves her at the last minute

[31:18] They go and they confront Eddie Redmayne who was the real big bad who and they know

[31:25] Oh, no, that's not as they go back home. Eddie Redmayne has kidnapped

[31:29] Her family this the sister just kind of disappears from the movie. Yeah, Titus disappears from the movie, too

[31:35] Well, it's like she's good

[31:36] She's gotten out of a bath in her with her butt showing like her purposes at that point

[31:41] but it's weird because you'd think these are these three feuding siblings who I guess in theory would be have like having like

[31:47] Machiavellian schemes against each other and Jupiter Jones is what they need because she's inherited the earth because she's the genetic

[31:53] Reproduction of the Queen. Yes

[31:57] Meek Jones

[31:59] But like once she's out of the clutches of one sibling, they don't show up again. It's set up in a very like

[32:06] quest style

[32:07] I guess where it's just the what and now the adventure of Khaliq's palace and then there was the adventure of the of the

[32:14] woeful wedding and now the adventure of the blowing up Jupiter place like this they don't you want these characters to be like

[32:23] Double crossing each other and coming back again, but instead I guess maybe it's a more innocent storytelling structure. But anyway, it's a risk

[32:30] They go back home. Yeah, it's

[32:34] Using their right LA. Yeah, basically. Yeah, kind of like just going from one place to another. Yeah

[32:40] episodic structure

[32:41] Okay

[32:41] Eddie Redmayne has kidnapped her family and he says

[32:44] Give me the title deed to the earth or else I'll kill your family and she

[32:48] Knows he wants to harvest the earth and use it to make youth juice

[32:52] But she totally almost slam it now

[32:55] So long for her to realize like wait a minute if I save my family

[33:00] Billions of people will die like it takes her a long time to get a shocking amount of time and maybe and like I want

[33:06] To believe that the character is just being cunning and like tricking him into bringing her to where he she wants to be

[33:12] But no, it seems like she doesn't realize it to the last minute

[33:15] She's just right now remembering that she watched Star Trek 2 and just like oh the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few

[33:21] What Spock was saying? We're like when she's about to marry Titus like she agrees to do it really fast and then

[33:27] She's like, wait a minute. Should I not marry you? Maybe you're not honest

[33:34] It's she's a very she's not at the brightest bulb of the bunch. Yeah, which is too bad because nor does she have rocket boots

[33:41] She doesn't but here's the thing

[33:43] I know you're a real hero

[33:44] This movie has found a following among like female science fiction fans of a certain type and it means I wish

[33:50] there was a stronger female character at the heart of it because even though it she's technically the hero until the end when she is

[33:57] Hitting Eddie Redmayne with a pipe while he lies down on the place

[34:00] When he's already done around her Mike Hagar moment like up to that moment. She's doing a lot of like

[34:06] Bumbling into trouble and then Channing Tatum saves her basically. Well, and she like actively pursues

[34:14] Channing Tatum from a very early point in the movie. Why not? Come on. She sees him with his shirt off. He's got a dog

[34:20] Yeah, she can only assume he's got some kind of weird doggy lipstick penis. He's gonna

[34:26] Would be horrible she wouldn't be into that

[34:28] I don't know. She's got one of those stupid perversion dogs don't have a corpse. No ducks do it sounds like dogs like dog tails

[34:35] Yeah, that's why

[34:38] It's where it's the the the beagle ducks or the duck boys that boys in Beagle Town

[34:44] Beagleburg

[34:45] It's a reverse of ducktails that I'm working on called dog tails

[34:50] Opposite of ducks and dogs it is according to fucking Karl Barth

[34:55] Invented the opposite. They coexist ducks are mostly in harmony

[35:04] There's not they could they could have been like the bandit bats, you know or something like that too hard to draw what about the thief

[35:12] Thanatopsis is and they're all William Cullen Brian

[35:16] Stealing

[35:19] Student

[35:21] So, but I wish that milk uses I wish Jupiter Jones was like smarter and stronger basically

[35:27] Yeah, and it wasn't so much like yeah, I'm gonna do this. Wait, that was a bad idea

[35:31] I hope rocket boots dog face comes in but I hit and she falls in love with him pretty quick

[35:37] But he's like no. No your royalty and I'm just a splice. I've been genetically modified

[35:41] This is terrible, but they get over that pretty quick

[35:44] Anyway at the end she's on Jupiter

[35:47] he comes and saves her by like smashing his ship through the dome of the gravity place that makes everything go boom a lot and

[35:54] there's a big explosions and stuff and they escape and Eddie Redmayne falls down the pit to nothingness forever and

[36:01] At the end of it, they've used alien technology to wipe everyone's memories except for Jupiter Jones

[36:07] She's back to being a humble janitor who's also queen of the earth

[36:10] Her family gives her a telescope as a present and she has managed to get dog face his wings back

[36:16] And so so he's a bird dog and since he doesn't need wings anymore. Guess what? He gives to Jupiter Jones

[36:22] Rocket boots rocket boots and they fly. She's a threat

[36:26] They fly over the Chicago skyline

[36:29] Lovers from space which would have been a better title than Jupiter ascending. Yeah, so

[36:34] So what do we like about this movie? I liked a lot of the design elements. Yeah the rocket

[36:38] Costumes the

[36:40] Actually don't want like I kind of like the background

[36:43] I just felt like they came up with a background and didn't make a movie. Yes to go along

[36:49] Yeah, the ideas in the story are good

[36:52] They seem like a solid foundation for I don't know a video game series. I mean there's something about

[36:59] Humanity as like earth has one outpost of this larger Empire where they

[37:05] Where they've they in their quest for immortality

[37:08] They've lost all sense of morality and they kill millions to keep themselves alive longer

[37:14] But it's all like they keep talking about it in cap like market capitalist terms

[37:18] But we never see it as a market like that

[37:20] We never see them really like buying or selling the youth ratings human futures the only everyone

[37:26] Yeah

[37:26] kind of

[37:27] Everyone in the movie is either one of these Abraxas dynasty brats or works directly for them

[37:33] Is it or is this one ship of policemen like there's not a it's like they built the pieces of a world

[37:39] But then they didn't fill in the gaps and that's a symbolized best for me by the space battle over the empty streets of Chicago

[37:45] Mm-hmm. Let me tell you I've walked around Chicago at night

[37:47] There's a ton of people on the streets and they are eating meat like nobody's business. Yeah, this raggy guy

[37:53] Oh, I've walked around the streets of Chicago

[37:58] Chicago town. Yep, but I've never walked around it alongside a clown

[38:04] Don't you come with me?

[38:07] And you'll see a world of pure Chicago nation

[38:12] They'll be blues played with electric guitar

[38:17] white guys singing happy blues

[38:20] If you want to hear shitty blues

[38:24] Chicago is the place to catch it. If you want to eat a dog with a sport pepper

[38:31] Hog butcher to the nation city of big shoulders

[38:37] Call Sandburg everyone. Let's hear it from calls everybody. This is nightclub singer

[38:46] So, I think we're there already but final judgments

[38:49] This is a good bad movie a bad bad movie or a movie between Carl Sandburg and Andy Sandberg

[38:54] Well, Andy Sandberg is still living. It's cross-country

[39:04] Years old I was just double-checking

[39:08] But I assumed he was dead

[39:09] Yeah, so and believe Annie Sandberg would take a skeleton and just you know, just throw it to the ground

[39:15] Just jump on it shatter it. It would be a bunch of bone. Hey, Carl Sandburg died in 1967. All right. Yeah, okay

[39:22] So that's what we wouldn't fight. So final judgments. Yeah, so Andy Sandberg

[39:28] I give this one for Sandburg's

[39:31] See, what do you got to say about this movie?

[39:33] Yeah, there's a movie that I wanted to kind of like and I did not I think this is a bad bad movie

[39:40] Yeah, I am with you. I desperately kind of liked it and there's I even liked a lot of elements

[39:45] There are a lot of elements fifth elements even sure in it

[39:48] But it yeah, it doesn't I would there's even a lot of like throwaway dialogue where they just make references to shit

[39:54] But it just it doesn't matter. I will say if you took this movie

[40:00] you cut out most of the plot

[40:01] and it was just seen after scene of craziness

[40:04] it would be a better movie i would like to give it a simpler plot with more

[40:07] interesting characters yeah if you don't introduce a flying a race of flying

[40:12] lizard men uh... and then don't actually show them fighting anybody until the

[40:16] very end of the movie

[40:18] but there's little touches in like the bad guy any red man has this torture bed

[40:22] that's just like

[40:23] a ton of little spinning knives and things that come at your face like some

[40:27] kind of evil dentist chair like if there's more stuff like that you will

[40:30] use it like that over the time that uh... it's just a drama yeah it's like

[40:34] i wish it was more over that it feels like they wanted to make a really over

[40:38] the top science fiction movie

[40:40] but they kept like

[40:41] reigning it in for fear that it would seem

[40:44] too silly

[40:45] and i wish they'd embrace the silly of it more

[40:47] yeah this could have been a really great silly

[40:50] sci-fi movie and they just

[40:52] i'll say this for me this time this hovers around

[40:55] good bad territory but not quite

[41:03] i listen to bullseye

[41:06] for the moment when jesse asks an artist an insightful question

[41:10] and the artist goes

[41:13] and pauses

[41:15] you can hear in the pause

[41:17] that he is reassessing his own work

[41:20] in light of the question that jesse just asked

[41:22] bullseye is your guide to what's good

[41:24] from maximumfund.org and NPR

[41:31] uh... this episode of the flop house

[41:33] is sponsored in part by squarespace the blu-ray release of jupiter ascending

[41:37] uh-oh

[41:39] squarespace yeah the flop house is brought to you by squarespace the all-in-one

[41:44] website platform

[41:46] squarespace sites look professionally designed regardless of your skill level

[41:50] with no coding required you do not need to know

[41:53] html that's convenient

[41:54] because i'm probably going to use squarespace when i set up the webpage for my new bar

[41:57] that's coming out

[41:59] double plug

[42:00] the official website creation place

[42:04] of stewart wellington's bar

[42:06] hey spoiler alert

[42:08] uh... you can start your free trial today with no credit card required at

[42:12] spare

[42:14] wow

[42:15] wow mess up the name of the sponsor dan let's squarespace

[42:20] yeah let's take that for granted

[42:23] let's think about it do you have any spare squace?

[42:26] hey guys do you have too much squace lying around and you want to donate to a good cause?

[42:29] go to spare squace

[42:31] hey guys i forgot my squace at home uh... we're about to go into battle against these

[42:35] lizard aliens

[42:36] and the only weakness is valerian squace

[42:41] valerian squace the rarest

[42:44] let's re-rind a little let's re-rind

[42:47] let's put another rind on this

[42:49] because i assume it's some kind of melon or perhaps a cheese

[42:53] you can start

[42:54] your free trial

[42:56] today at squarespace with no credit card required so let me get this straight i don't

[43:01] need to know how to code and i don't need a credit card and i can still set up a website

[43:05] yeah at squarespace dot com

[43:08] and you can use the offer code flop

[43:10] to get ten percent off your first purchase

[43:13] squarespace

[43:15] build it beautiful

[43:17] so i'd like to believe that this is

[43:18] build it beautiful like combo build it beautiful

[43:23] yeah humphrey bogart says it squarespace beautiful build it

[43:26] uh... but uh... this episode of the flop house is also supported in part by how are we going to

[43:30] mangle this one

[43:31] casper

[43:32] an online retailer a ghost who's your friend

[43:37] retailer

[43:38] of premium

[43:39] obsessively engineered mattresses

[43:42] for a fraction of the price

[43:43] and i appreciate that because i have bought you like

[43:46] doing it on mattresses no i've bought mattresses before as opposed to cardboard boxes

[43:51] hey dude sometimes you have to

[43:53] mattresses are not cheap my friend mattresses are not cheap and it's easy to get a bad one if you

[43:57] don't know where you're going

[43:58] so uh... try casper which has a risk free trial and return policy you can try

[44:04] sleeping on a casper

[44:06] one hundred days with free delivery and painless returns

[44:11] flop house listeners can get fifty dollars toward any mattress purchase

[44:15] you can go to casper.com

[44:17] slash flop

[44:19] and use promo code

[44:21] flop at checkout

[44:22] terms and conditions apply

[44:25] like they do

[44:26] here's what i want the flop house fans to do

[44:32] go to casper get a new mattress

[44:33] two go to squarespace set up a website about your new great mattress treat yourself

[44:38] three

[44:39] also put some flop house stuff on that website

[44:43] four get a casper mattress for someone you love five set up a new website

[44:47] use squarespace six

[44:49] what's six

[44:50] uh... repeat

[44:52] buy a ticket to see stupid perversions coming this fall

[44:56] uh... so

[44:57] now we move on

[44:59] to what to a very popular segment of this

[45:03] recommendations

[45:06] that's the least popular one

[45:09] uh... it's letters from listeners

[45:12] don't skip so fast hey stewart elliot let's make it last hey stewart elliot

[45:19] it's letter time

[45:20] letter time

[45:22] for us

[45:24] it's our time for letters

[45:27] our time to read them

[45:28] our time to need them our time to need them with a k this time like doe

[45:34] oh no

[45:36] the letters here they go

[45:39] from dan's mouth

[45:41] to your house

[45:43] uh... also other things that rhyme with that

[45:47] in so many episodes this is the first time i've seen elliot struggle for a rhyme

[45:52] usually i rhyme the same exact words i went off the reservation

[45:56] an internal rhyme usually he has but this time

[45:59] texas and taxes kaylen over here

[46:05] maybe i want to do some free verse songs

[46:07] this is more of a letter song slam look if the guy in the luminaires can rhyme

[46:12] canal

[46:13] and chinatown

[46:15] i can do whatever yeah if madonna can rhyme come on come on let's get to it

[46:20] strike a pose there's nothing to it

[46:22] vogue

[46:23] i think that you do whatever the fuck you want at that point you can't get

[46:26] yes you've wrote a songwriting that's what my poetry teacher told me

[46:32] madonna really opened the door

[46:34] uh... letter number one

[46:37] time to have some fun

[46:40] with letter number one letter number one

[46:43] we're almost done with the song about letter number one for you

[46:48] and you and you it's the first

[47:20] tone up letter number one

[47:23] okay it's time alright uh... tons of fun oh jesus number one

[47:28] tomorrow uno

[47:30] normally i'm faking being annoyed but now

[47:33] anyway take it easy dude

[47:34] alright let's go into the first letter

[47:39] a brawl sax

[47:42] this is from henry last name withheld portrait of a serial killer is his last name

[47:46] i was listening to my favorite podcast the flop house when i was struck by an idea

[47:51] the hosts are so talented

[47:52] and the show's premise i'm blushing the show's premise

[47:57] so compelling that the show should

[48:00] nay must be adapted to the medium to which the flop house has devoted itself

[48:05] i present to you

[48:06] flop house

[48:07] the broadway musical

[48:10] the curtains open on dan alone in a squalid tenement apartment

[48:14] dan alone

[48:16] this awful movie will never end

[48:20] if only i could watch it with my only friends

[48:24] hip-hop beat kicks in

[48:25] and stew and elliot repel down onto the couch while spitting rhymes

[48:30] now i'm very busy and i don't have time to write the rest

[48:34] i'll let you guys take care of the details and wrap it up well i think that's how steven

[48:37] sondheim does his shows

[48:39] attend the tale of sweeney todd and then there's some more after that

[48:45] we'll split the money sixty forty and you can divvy up your forty percent however

[48:48] you like

[48:50] you should probably give elliot less since she's smaller and doesn't need to

[48:54] eat as much

[48:54] sincerely henry last name

[48:57] it's terrifying

[48:58] you've seen him devour papa's dinner

[49:01] uh... imagine a velociraptor

[49:05] uh... i think maybe he was hit on the head with a brick

[49:12] that's me eating chicken

[49:15] i like this idea of flop exclamation point yeah on broadway yet

[49:20] starring and i know that it's not those have been revealed

[49:23] uh... who who's gonna play you didn't get a list as well uh... i'm not going to

[49:28] write johnson even guessing for you uh... surveyors leo norbert leo but

[49:33] so you know it would be normally a bus

[49:35] for stew i'm getting thinking you jackman

[49:38] okay and i think that's a better and for me

[49:43] uh...

[49:44] wallace on should be available

[49:46] uh... while

[49:47] to allow not even a musical performer

[49:52] uh... say

[49:55] uh...

[49:57] who's the lead singer of uh...

[50:00] band

[50:01] who can make a sprawling

[50:03] you know yeah like

[50:05] of so you know what you're saying is that you have to be played by a guy who's

[50:08] famous in other things

[50:10] and that he would bring a non-broadway crowd to the plot shouldn't actually

[50:14] doesn't make sense again i guess you jack so like uh... one of those who do

[50:17] you know both of the blowfish with the other ships

[50:20] uh... who even though the original and playing me the entire band to be in the

[50:25] blowfish uh... one of those uh... john poppers yeah playing me john poppers

[50:29] from monica

[50:33] uh... so this next letter no no i would be played by a kid everyone knows that

[50:37] yeah you can you can be played by jake lloyd is jake lloyd available? jake lloyd was just arrested

[50:42] wasn't he? you'll be played by a kid. a kid can get arrested? no he's a grown man. i watch problem child

[50:48] you're played by that

[50:49] that fun house fun home kid even though she's a lady

[50:52] i could totally be played by a lady definitely

[50:55] yeah well it's gender blank casting

[50:57] gender blank casting? yeah fill in the blank with the gender

[51:01] junior blank casting

[51:03] dear robert j floppenhybers j robert floppenhybers

[51:07] supplose

[51:08] supplose

[51:10] supplose if you will dan i think is it time for you to hand over the letter reading duties

[51:16] i think that ten strikes and you're out elliot

[51:20] i think that the joy that you get from this sort of thing says no it's not

[51:25] now i'm starting to worry about your health

[51:28] i went through the whole first letter which is very long that's true without any

[51:32] who could read two letters in a row? you didn't have to re-write it all

[51:35] suppose a deranged millionaire offered you each seven thousand dollars to write a

[51:40] screenplay that's not very much

[51:45] i'm a deranged millionaire but i'm also a cheapskate

[51:49] weirdly lucid about my finances

[51:53] it's a scrooge mcduck figure doesn't want to pay uh... too much

[51:57] uh... suppose a deranged millionaire offered you each

[52:00] seven thousand dollars to write a screenplay for a sports movie

[52:04] mary flop and steve last name withheld so i think that we're supposed to

[52:08] supposedly there's no question there

[52:12] as non-sports people

[52:14] what our sports movie might be well mine would be about curling

[52:18] because i did it once

[52:20] stole it from what? have you ever curled?

[52:23] no but i uh... wait you were going to say curling? yeah

[52:26] oh weird

[52:27] well as someone who has curled i'm gonna take it

[52:30] and it would be called

[52:33] curl it up

[52:33] and it would be about it's basically major league but for curling right? no it's

[52:37] step up

[52:38] but for curling uh... so there's like a girl who's like a real

[52:43] prissy curler and then there's a guy from the streets curling

[52:47] and they have to get together do a curling team that wins yeah

[52:50] now i remember that when i was in uh...

[52:52] little league the big attraction the kids version of major league

[52:57] the biggest attraction

[52:58] for me

[52:59] uh... as a uh... a junior baseball player by the way my specialty was

[53:04] getting walked

[53:05] because

[53:07] i knew that no one at that age was a good pitcher so i'm just like i'm just

[53:11] gonna stand here and i'm gonna get walked i'm just gonna stand right in front of the

[53:15] catcher it worked every time

[53:18] uh...

[53:19] so uh... the main attraction for me i like the way you were really cocky about it as a kid too

[53:22] you'd get hit

[53:24] and you'd walk and you'd be like or like that's a different thing getting hit yeah i wasn't getting hit by the pitcher

[53:29] i wasn't leaning in no it's funnier to me if you lean in and get hit

[53:32] or they'd throw four balls and you'd walk and then you'd just be like

[53:35] doing finger guns at the pitcher just like woooo

[53:39] the opposing team coach is like oh shit he figured out our weakness that we're kids

[53:43] and we're not good at this

[53:45] good job belly itcher now i'm on first base

[53:50] only three more bases to go one quarter of the way home

[53:56] he represents the cycles of life in rural america idiot

[54:01] hey mom get dinner ready i'm home soon you know the story was going to go

[54:05] somewhere else but now that i'm talking about it i realize that it's a better

[54:09] sports movie it's about a guy who just specializes in getting walked

[54:13] yeah a walker texas baseball player

[54:16] what was the story you were going to tell no i was just going to say that the main

[54:21] attraction to me

[54:22] in playing little league was after every game win or lose we would go get snow cones

[54:27] i mean you could skip right out of the middle of it wow the blandest of frozen desserts

[54:33] like when you're a kid

[54:34] when you're a kid snow cones are magic it's like one step up from like just really cold

[54:39] orange slices

[54:42] after every game the coach would give us a handful of ice chips it's like a sherbert

[54:47] or something who cares cool yourself down kids

[54:49] you got all hot and bothered putting your mouth rubbing on your face i don't care

[54:55] after every game the coach would let us stick our heads in his freezer for a couple seconds

[55:01] and oh man was it cool

[55:04] no but i was i was going to say that my sports movie would be about a lonely snow cone vendor

[55:10] who finds love

[55:11] i mean it's ancillary to sports

[55:20] what do you got stuart

[55:21] after every game he'd give us a pretzel

[55:24] just split between all of us

[55:28] i mean i was just going to do something about a topless beach volleyball team

[55:32] well that's a great idea for a movie

[55:36] that's a movie

[55:37] all right what would you call it bikini ball volleyball bikinis i guess topless bikini

[55:43] volleyball

[55:44] i think it would be spike exclamation point there's boobies

[55:47] there's boobies part of the title or that's what it says on the box like it's called spiking

[55:54] it and then the slogan is there's boobies

[55:59] you gotta tell the video writers that's why i need you around elliot you gotta you jazz

[56:04] up my shit

[56:05] yeah he jazzes up your shit so uh this next letter it's the poops you don't poop that's

[56:13] the secret to jazz this next letter is titled elliot is an idiot

[56:18] i take issue already

[56:21] sorry if this is late but i just wanted to say that elliot caylan is a moron he can't

[56:26] tell the difference between old world monkeys and new world monkeys how's this for a clue

[56:31] fuckface

[56:32] earned very well old world monkeys don't have prehensile tails and new world monkeys do

[56:40] also old world monkeys live in africa and new world monkeys don't jesus it's like he

[56:46] has i know the difference between the old world and the new world it's like he hasn't

[56:49] even dedicated his life to the intricacies of anthropology in conclusion elliot sucks

[56:54] dan rules stewart drools but in a sexy way so it evens out yours in the internal brotherhood

[57:00] of dan heads darth conant

[57:02] how's that so that guy that guy's earned his snow cone after that burn now yeah yeah i

[57:09] hope the coach took him out for more for an italian ice after that one now here's the

[57:14] thing i thought anthropology was the study of human civilization oh boy darth conant

[57:19] you got burned maybe i'm wrong and maybe it's the study of all apes or primates or what

[57:23] have you primates and also old world monkeys in europe they can live in asia so it's not

[57:31] even a pun because apes are already primates whatever idiots you don't know the difference

[57:39] between different types of monkeys i'm gonna have to side with the letter writer on this

[57:43] one i'll allow it so uh this last letter oh the final letter goes like this i feel like

[57:50] i must preface this letter no by saying that i'm neither a friend of mads michelson nor

[57:56] a drunken horse trainer so i hope this letter does not immediately disappoint i'm a writer

[58:01] which means i work from home while caring for my two sons three years old and 18 months

[58:06] for a time the youngest would only sleep when in the car as a result we took a lot of long

[58:12] car rides and i entertained myself by listening to podcasts yours is one of my favorites thanks

[58:17] buddy thanks the other day my oldest boy was humming a song and randomly shouted this

[58:22] is my favorite song i assumed he meant a bob dylan tune is a current obsession of his yeah

[58:27] kids love bob dylan oh he does like bob dylan yeah apparently or one of the many i what's

[58:34] the i said never mind i just kind of think of a specific band i couldn't or one of the

[58:38] many nursery i assumed he meant cnc music factory i assumed he meant the miami sound

[58:44] machine or one of the many nursery rhymes we listened to together but no when i asked

[58:51] which song he excitedly answered the letter song and yes your podcast was playing at the

[58:57] time this means two things number one ruined his taste of music forever i can no longer

[59:03] listen to your podcast with my three-year-old around as i do not want him telling his friends

[59:07] about the great ding dong ripping scene in castle freak though as he doesn't want those

[59:12] kids to find out on the streets to the playground you learn about castle freak though as i write

[59:18] primarily horror fiction i'm sure he will eventually find stuart gordon's oeuvre on

[59:22] his own when he's much older and number two elliot is a better singer snippets of this

[59:27] guy's life elliot is a better singer than you give him credit for that's a good writer

[59:31] by the way slowly teasing it out elliot any plans to record an album i think you'd be

[59:37] a hit in the toddler age group thanks for a great podcast keep them coming lisa last

[59:41] thing with hell wow a real push pull for you this uh letter's gone yeah there's a it's

[59:46] been an emotional you break them down and you build them back yeah yeah it's the regular

[59:50] full metal jacket or something the uh i will say my son likes it when i sing to him but

[59:56] i don't make up songs for him and i should be doing that i mean you're his dad if he doesn't

[1:00:00] Like it then I feel like there's a there's a real serious problem. I don't want my dad singing to me

[1:00:06] You're not a babe. You're not a little uh, i've been called a babe

[1:00:09] But uh, but I don't I need to make up more songs for him because right now i'm mostly singing. Uh,

[1:00:15] you know little kid songs or

[1:00:17] Right now you're mostly singing danzig, which is not. Yeah. Yeah mother

[1:00:22] He goes mama and i'm like, it's not take it easy. Come on kid. Don't don't step on my song here

[1:00:27] But mostly i've been singing him lately, uh leatherwing bat

[1:00:31] the uh

[1:00:32] English folk song or I guess maybe it's an american folk song that uh, peter and paul and mary have on their kids album

[1:00:38] It's about a bat. I assume uh, it's about a variety of different animals who tell you

[1:00:43] How uh how lost loves have made them what they are today?

[1:00:48] All right, but he likes a lot song

[1:00:49] I sing while i'm changing his diapers to keep him from putting his hand in his own poop

[1:00:53] You're singing that song about how charlie gets stuck on the mta

[1:00:56] Yeah, we do actually yeah, we do sing on that a lot

[1:00:59] kid songs

[1:01:01] Yeah

[1:01:01] All right

[1:01:03] They grew up so fast. Whose songs do we sing him?

[1:01:07] uh

[1:01:09] Oh and fuck like a beast. Yeah. Yeah, that's it

[1:01:11] So, uh, those have been letters from listeners. Oh, man, okay if you write letter, maybe you're one of them

[1:01:19] I don't know one of you

[1:01:21] Letters fuck off guy. Wow, this nobody said anything

[1:01:26] Calm down the guy's gone. Dan put down that broken bottle

[1:01:30] His car is gone. I just get worked up. All right

[1:01:34] I don't want anybody looking at me funny. I heard I heard he left town dan from the local sheriff

[1:01:39] All right

[1:01:41] So she's the sheriff

[1:01:44] Yeah, I shot the sheriff

[1:01:46] Really that's why that guy's bugging you about love legit. I left the deputy alone. Okay, I couldn't pronounce it

[1:01:53] Yeah, I was like, I can't pronounce it not worth wasting a bullet on

[1:01:58] Um, so this is the part of the podcast where we recommend

[1:02:02] Movies that we actually liked. Okay. I'm like jupiter ascending. Okay. What do you got stewart?

[1:02:09] I'm gonna recommend a movie. I swore I swore I recommend on an earlier but I swore I would never recommend

[1:02:17] God strike me dead

[1:02:20] Long time recommender first time recommending this movie. Anyway, it's called the big chill

[1:02:26] So i'm, uh, there's a lot of a lot of buzz out there about a horror movie starring one of those duplaces

[1:02:34] called creep

[1:02:36] So i'm gonna recommend the tlc song

[1:02:38] I got excited when I heard that because I thought they were talking about an older movie from 2004 called creep

[1:02:43] Which I liked a lot and I swore I recommended it, but I haven't so i'm going to recommend it

[1:02:47] Anyway, so not the duplex one. No, I haven't watched that yet, but I want to uh, the one i'm recommending is called creep

[1:02:55] It's directed by christopher smith the guy who directed, uh previous recommendation

[1:03:00] black death

[1:03:02] And severance severance. Sorry

[1:03:04] Leverage, uh black death was the movie also starring the bean machine. Yeah sean bean the bean machine

[1:03:12] uh, and it is a

[1:03:15] creep is a movie where franke potente

[1:03:20] Gets uh harassed and stalked in the by a creep in the subway by

[1:03:26] Uh what seems like a normal creep and then that normal creep totally gets murdered by an actual super underground creep

[1:03:33] And the movie is kind of like don't worry about you

[1:03:36] You're watching a movie called creep and there's a bloody subway car and you know, it's gonna be terrible. Um,

[1:03:42] But it's kind of like, uh the movie that I wish

[1:03:44] Uh midnight meat train had been if it hadn't had all the shitty cgi blood

[1:03:49] Um, I gotta say I kind of enjoy midnight meat train. That's kind of a fun. Yeah, it's all right

[1:03:55] Um, it's not as good as creep. So go as good as creep

[1:03:58] But

[1:03:59] It does not live up to the title midnight meat train, which is a fantastic title

[1:04:03] Yeah, like there's a band called the exploding eye orchestra

[1:04:07] It's not they're not as good as their name. We saw the trailer for midnight meat train together

[1:04:12] Yeah before another more rambo, I think

[1:04:14] Yeah, I forget which one of us was like trainers. I was like snakes on my penis

[1:04:20] We may both have said that

[1:04:22] Uh midnight meat train. Yeah, I think that might have been parallel thinking parallel joke

[1:04:27] uh

[1:04:28] i'm gonna recommend um

[1:04:30] Two movies that you should watch

[1:04:32] instead of uh, jupiter ascending if you want

[1:04:36] campy space operas

[1:04:39] Why not make it a double feature of flash gordon and barbarella?

[1:04:43] Those are much more fun

[1:04:45] Campy space are operas. You don't like barbarella. Yeah, it's all that stuff with the dolls that are trying to bite her skin off

[1:04:51] That's genuinely terrifying. Yeah, it's too scary

[1:04:54] Uh, so elliot's a wuss but the point is call me wuss

[1:04:58] If you want there's something about the sea that commands wusses to go to it

[1:05:03] Uh, this is my book. Moby wuss. There's just something really fun about uh, you know flash gordon

[1:05:08] takes the same, uh old time space opera stuff that uh,

[1:05:12] George lucas, uh turned into star wars, but takes it more literally since flash gordon was an old old property and you know

[1:05:20] It's got a flop house connection since we all wrote a flash gordon comic

[1:05:24] But uh, which is now has recently been collected. So go buy an omnibus. Yeah

[1:05:28] Uh, but uh, it's actually got a great performance by brian blessed in the middle of it. Sure

[1:05:34] And uh, if you want like a weirdly sexy, uh campy

[1:05:39] space

[1:05:40] Opera, why don't you see barbarella? It's not weirdly sexy at all

[1:05:43] It's just normal. It's weirdly sexy about it

[1:05:45] Is just taking her clothes off all the time and having sex with well

[1:05:48] but also like they put her in like in our orgasmatron where someone plays the piano when she

[1:05:54] Has an orgasm as a result of it stewart shaking his head like totally

[1:06:00] Sex every night. I thought you were gonna say make it a double feature flesh gordon and flesh gordon, too

[1:06:07] Uh, but for my money, uh more fun stupid science fiction movies

[1:06:14] Billy it I will also recommend the movie that is kind of like what I wish jupiter ascending was

[1:06:20] Which is also a stupid science fiction movie that is campy at much of the time. Uh, this is a movie called the visitor

[1:06:27] Uh, which listeners of the doug loves movies episodes that I was on?

[1:06:31] uh may remember me talking about it's from 1979 and through the whole movie while I was watching and I was like

[1:06:38] this feels like a science fiction giallo movie except

[1:06:42] It's got it's set in the united states

[1:06:45] and it's got an all-american cast and the cast is like john houston and mel ferrer and glenn ford and shelly winters and uh,

[1:06:53] and lance henriksen like there it's all the it's this weird cast full of people and it's a movie about a

[1:07:00] there's a oh and uh, frank o'neiro appears in it as some kind of space jesus and

[1:07:06] they explain that uh

[1:07:08] Satan is an evil alien who was turned into a flock of birds

[1:07:12] And has scattered his descendants around the earth and now the newest one who has his power is this evil little girl

[1:07:19] who this secret organ conspiracy is trying to

[1:07:23] Give her a brother and she is both evil

[1:07:26] But at times is also just kind of a girl and uh doing wants to do girl stuff like go ice skating

[1:07:32] and uh

[1:07:32] there's this and the whole time I was like this feels like

[1:07:35] An italian movie and it turns out everyone behind the scenes who made it was italian. But uh, it's got this weird. It keeps

[1:07:41] Hovering back and forth between good bad movie and movie

[1:07:44] I kind of like where there's a bunch of really goofy scenes and there's a lot of it doesn't make sense

[1:07:49] but then there are scenes that are like

[1:07:52] Really ominous in a powerful way and the soundtrack is awesome

[1:07:55] The soundtrack is great great in it and there are a lot of beautiful shots in it

[1:07:59] There's this scene where there's an evil truck that's about to kidnap her mom that like

[1:08:04] Well, there's

[1:08:06] Kind of except the truck is full of bad people the truck itself is i'm sorry the truck itself is doesn't have a goblin

[1:08:12] But uh, and she is wearing sunglasses in the in the back seat this girl

[1:08:16] purely so that the truck's headlights can be reflected just in one lens of the sunglasses as if she is

[1:08:23] Projecting this evil force out of her eye in the form of this truck and like it's a beautifully shot

[1:08:29] Scene and like the shooting in it is gorgeous a lot of time

[1:08:32] but then you also have

[1:08:33] Shelly winters as this

[1:08:34] Maid character who works for john houston who is this alien god type figure who just kind of walks around all the time

[1:08:40] John houston's great in that movie. He spends most of me just walking around

[1:08:44] And looking at things and shelly winters just slaps the girl at one point like it's super campy

[1:08:50] But yeah, the music is great in it and there's a but there's a scene

[1:08:54] Set at an ice skating rink where she just kind of casually commits mayhem for no reason just because why not she's a kid

[1:09:00] And there was something very strong about it. There's almost no dialogue in the scene. So the visitor it's a weird movie

[1:09:06] You're gonna laugh at it. And other times you'll be like, oh that was neat

[1:09:11] Stewart sound like you've seen this movie. Yeah, I may have I can't remember if I recommended it but a flop house listener actually

[1:09:17] uh

[1:09:18] I I don't remember the the listeners name offhand, but was kind enough to say apologies, please

[1:09:25] Uh was kind enough to leave a copy of the blu-ray at uh at charlene's for me. Oh, whoa

[1:09:30] I have watched it a couple times and I had to record it off turn of classic movies. Like I said, it's great on blu-ray, dude

[1:09:35] It's available. I believe on amazon prime right now, actually. Oh, okay

[1:09:40] Check it out

[1:09:41] It's not gonna be as crisp though. You want it crisp?

[1:09:44] Like a fresh like an apple like an apple in the yellow pink lady apple

[1:09:48] I should also mention that kareem abdul-jabbar and sam peckinpah make cameos

[1:09:53] Except sam peckinpah all of his dialogue had to be re-recorded because he was super drunk. Mm-hmm

[1:09:58] Like me

[1:10:00] Anyway, moving on to the final segment of the podcast,

[1:10:04] which is saying goodbye.

[1:10:06] Wait, wait, I thought recommendations

[1:10:07] was the final segment.

[1:10:08] So it's, uh, what's next?

[1:10:10] Saying goodbye, why is it sad?

[1:10:15] Makes us remember the good times we had.

[1:10:20] Muppets take Manhattan.

[1:10:22] Yeah.

[1:10:23] Look at the Muppets take Manhattan.

[1:10:24] How come when Elliot sings a song,

[1:10:25] he doesn't explain where the song he just sung is from?

[1:10:27] Because it's just coming from inside my head.

[1:10:30] Wait, he's been making those songs up all along?

[1:10:33] I thought those were, uh, brill buildings.

[1:10:35] Yeah, old Tin Pan Alley stuff.

[1:10:38] For the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:10:40] Hey, you know me.

[1:10:42] I'm Sluke.

[1:10:42] I'm Tin.

[1:10:43] He's Dan with OPP.

[1:10:44] Hey girl, it's Elliot Kalin saying goodbye.

[1:10:47] Good night, everyone.

[1:10:48] Explosion.

[1:10:50] Jupiter ascended.

[1:10:51] Shh, shh, shh.

[1:10:53] What kind of stuff do we have to do tonight?

[1:11:04] Podcast.

[1:11:05] Dan, did you remember to download those ads?

[1:11:11] And what about the letters?

[1:11:13] Did you meow-low those ads?

[1:11:16] Stewart got possessed by the ghost

[1:11:19] of not-dead singer, Meelo.

[1:11:22] That is more of a Bob Seger thing.

[1:11:24] Dan's got the ads to download and he's gonna read them.

[1:11:28] And I read them right here for now,

[1:11:30] because he's got, that's Meelo.

[1:11:31] You start real slow and then you go back like this

[1:11:35] for no reason and then you're back to slow again.

[1:11:38] That's Meelo.

[1:11:40] I was doing that in one time.

[1:11:40] Elliot, that was a treat-loaf, thank you.

[1:11:43] A treat Williams, if you will.

[1:11:46] I won't.

[1:11:47] He can stay in my movie box and not in my room.

[1:11:51] What?

[1:11:52] If treat Williams is in my room,

[1:11:54] then I would be too distracted to do anything else.

[1:11:56] Yeah, you'd wanna be making out with him or?

[1:11:58] I just wonder why he's there.

[1:12:00] I'd be like, shouldn't you be substituting somebody?

[1:12:04] Three.

[1:12:05] We should mention the rocket shoes.

[1:12:06] Two.

[1:12:07] No.

[1:12:08] Yeah, we're not gonna mention the rocket shoes.

[1:12:11] We're gonna get into this whole thing.

[1:12:12] Tonight we watch Rocket Shoes, the movie.

[1:12:14] We're gonna be walking home and be like,

[1:12:16] doi, we forgot to talk about them rocket boots.

[1:12:22] Hello, buddies, I'm Travis McElroy.

[1:12:24] And I'm Andy Boltz.

[1:12:24] And we're the hosts of Bunker Buddies.

[1:12:27] We're a podcast where we're amateur survivalists

[1:12:29] and we talk about things like the apocalypse.

[1:12:31] And we talk about zombies and preparedness.

[1:12:34] What are you gonna wear when it's the apocalypse?

[1:12:36] And you have no idea if you don't listen to our show.

[1:12:38] It comes out every Wednesdays on maximumfun.org

[1:12:41] and on iTunes.

[1:12:42] Sometimes we try weird foods or we talk about where to camp

[1:12:45] or how to avoid getting eaten or any of these things.

[1:12:48] Yeah, so listen to us because it might just save your life.

[1:12:51] We'll see you in the bunker.

[1:12:52] Bye.

Ep. #181 - Jupiter Ascending

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