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Ep. #180 - CBGB
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on this episode we discuss CBGB that's not it's just a bunch of letters what
[0:06]
does that mean it stands for cow butt guy but I'm interested
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hey everyone and welcome to the flophouse I'm Dan McCoy hey Dan McCoy
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I am Stuart Wellington hey fans in podcast land and Dan and Stuart I'm
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Elliot Kalin all here back again president accounted for president
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accounted for that's right before we start recording we checked where the
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president was okay Dan turn on the mics let's do this now press the record
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button no it's already got get those tapes spinning around we're done recording
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now let's record we're not living in the 70s Dan how come you don't have a real
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to real a couple of big audio cans on your head no you're not like bopping to
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the music going like yeah good stuff good stuff let me press some of these
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slider buttons up they do something yeah this and a little lettuce of this other
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thing yeah and this thing is at the right level
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Dan you could be the best audio producer in the world meatloaf get out of the
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booth what cuz meatloaf wants to hear us record our podcast you know rock and
[1:38]
roll star yeah yeah meatloaf get out of the booth and into my tummy eat a human
[1:44]
being like Hannibal the hit NBC show that's not really a hit but I like it a
[1:51]
lot of Hannibal Hannibal the cannibal does not exist that guy across the Alps
[2:03]
wasn't his name Hannibal oh boy we got to start at the beginning oh boy I mean
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if I wrote that down I'd probably get a B- on my history paper I went back in
[2:20]
time and got Danable to tell you about his experiences I don't know why I'm
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here I'm the one guy in history who was named Danable what's up I was a
[2:32]
shoemaker Danable Schultz shoemaker extraordinaire so this is primarily a
[2:41]
bad movie podcast where we watch bad movie and then we talk about it yeah we
[2:45]
review it yeah well I wouldn't I wouldn't call it a review except for the
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purposes of the website where I use copyrighted poster material under the
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auspices of us being a review that's for review purpose yeah much the way that
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mr. skin is a review site that reviews movies I mean it reviews them under a
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very narrow set of critical parameters one criterion that mr. skin is
[3:10]
interested in no movie that's in listed in mr. skins website has to be angry
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that they're using their posters though right cuz I think that they're using
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that any publicity from the movie is oh you can see the footage on there right
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you have to get a membership or something mm-hmm
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called skinheads mr. skin I think you're mixing them up with someone else so
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tonight we watched a movie called CBGB about the now gone New York punk club of
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the same name now it's remembered only through the name of a Daniel Balud
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restaurant DBG okay so Dan this is this actually a movie what did we watch is
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that I don't believe it's a movie well it seems to have been someone's middle
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school report on CBGB that a film school sophomore directed and then somebody
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drew all over with a bunch of yeah with a bunch of comic book panels let me just
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say this middle school teacher who assigns report on CBGB coolest middle
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school teacher what's weird is that it's faith and religion class at a Catholic
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school why would he assign a CBGB report Dan explain religions all about
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questions and like the one you just asked who questioned more than the
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original punk Jesus oh wow he sounds pretty cool hey you know what's radical
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kids questioning the pre-existing theological structure that I mean that
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is radical I mean it's a different version of radical hey who was the
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original skateboarder Jesus Christ I don't think that's if I walk on the
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water and crucifix my border you mean being nailed to her who's the world's
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most famous dead boy except that he rose from it to become a god boy who's
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the world sounds like dog boy any Charles Burns fans in the class this is
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a hip teacher who's the world's most awesome fighting teens if you get anyone
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teenage mutant ninja Jesus you'd be correct mm-hmm
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um there's probably a movie that are the most fearsome fighting yeah I don't
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fucking know if the podcast listener can hear the sound of a truck backing up
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in the background and apparently this truck has been backing up for the last
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15 minutes it's got a long way to go then just think of that as authentic
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New York grit of the kind you won't find in the movie TV yeah so let's talk so
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CBGB let's dispense with the plot summary cuz here's the plot I think we
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should go right into the plot summary this guy no it's not so there is no
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plot so the movie opens with the future legs McNeil and his pal John Holmstrom
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talking about how they want to do a magazine about today's young angry youth
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and they come up with the name punk in one of those stupid movie moments where
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someone uses a word and they both go oh that's great or whatever it's like we're
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falling into the abyss
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that he's like James Cameron I mean the movie that we're gonna make in seven
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years or how you had lowered like 12 years one of the abyss come out anyway
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then we cut to the past when a baby sneaks out of a crib and runs into a
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field that baby is the future baby is abducted by aliens and it becomes the
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Star-Lord only that baby grows up to be hilly crystal the founder of CBGB Billy
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crystal no and it's not helped by Alan Rickman crystal super no it's not helped
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by Alan Rickman's super mumbly accent so that every time he says hilly crystal it
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sounds like he says Billy Crystal hello I'm Hillary Crystal but as as the judge
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in hell I guess I like this is how I'm going to deliver all my lines I think
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that you've got some deeper you can do deeper Elliot right there's something
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about the punk music but even though I don't like it so slowly turning into a
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Bond villain well how is he not been a Bond villain yet Alan Rickman yeah he
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was I everyone would say it's too much like diehard too much like diehard we
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doesn't have to be yeah I feel like he probably got an offer to him and he was
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just like don't you think this is a bit obvious casting I'm trying to avoid the
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we've been named him Franz Ruber you named him Franz boober this is your
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name from Snape seems strange I haven't even played that part yet the book
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hasn't been written yeah so he's so he he's the most and let's just get this
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English Jewish New York guy there's ever been and he let's he is if you couldn't
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sleepwalk through this role more if his eyes were literally closed through the
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whole movie let's go into straight I like Alan Rickman a lot he's good in a
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lot of things he's great in a lot of things not in this one and so he is as
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Stuart described it he appears in exposition court where the judge
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explains that Hilly Crystal has twice gone bankrupt and is divorced with
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children the sequel to married with children when Alan Peggy just decided it
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wasn't working out anymore but they were both in their 60s by that point
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yeah so I mean how they go in the court the divorce court and there's a toilet
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that flushes off screen and every time every time they're now middle-aged
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daughter Christina Applegate walks in the the judge goes yeah bud Bundy has
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long since died at the world's fattest dog convention tragically when the stage
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collapse this this dog looks like it could party hardy this dog doesn't look
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at parties hardy enough and now this all the dogs are so fat the buttons on
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their Hawaiian shirts are just straining to stay close I mean the thing is all
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the dogs went to heaven but bud went to hell oh yeah all Bundy's go to hell Ted
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bud all of them anyway so King Kong yeah King Kong Bundy went to hell too
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wait is he still alive uh is he different than the giant ape character
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from those movies they're brothers but one's a cop and the others are criminal
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will they ever get along it's probably not the king of Kong so Hilly has a dream
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of owning a music club he wants to open a bluegrass music club and once and he
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finds
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He wanders through a piss-poor budget simulacrum of 70s run-down New York,
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which is represented by the same graffito to storefronts and alleyways over and over again,
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and in one scene he sees a rat. Now, New York at this point is at the height of its economic
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resurgence, to such a point that someone like me, who's a high-paid television writer,
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can't afford to buy property in Manhattan, can't afford to buy an apartment really,
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and there are rats all over the place. So the idea that...
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Yeah, you ride them to work sometimes.
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Yeah. I mean, if you're lucky, you lasso them, ride them like a sandworm.
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Then you're one of the makers. But you see, the spice comes from the rats. That's the secret.
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Oh, you gotta milk them.
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Yeah, you milk them.
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Out of their spice teats.
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So the idea that...
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Tom Brokaw was telling me about it.
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What did that sound like?
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Oh, so I was reading Dune the other day.
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The Shia ludes are like rats.
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I had a vision of a massive jihad sweeping the universe, killing billions.
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Please stop telling me about Dune.
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You're shouting the name Tom Brokaw.
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I'm so very bored by you recapping the plot of Dune over and over again.
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Michael, I thank you for agreeing to this second liaison.
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If I wanted to read Dune, I could just read Dune, or I could watch the David Lynch film.
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I know it's not the same thing.
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No, I wouldn't do that. It's not a great representation of Dune.
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I'm a busy man.
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Of the story.
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If anything, watch Yodorovsky's Dune, which, again, is not accurate, but more interesting.
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It's something about spice. I don't care.
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But it's interesting.
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I am turning into Jimmy Stewart over time.
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Will you two keep it down up there?
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I'm the ghost of Jimmy Stewart.
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I'm trying to finish reading Chapter House Dune.
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That sounded more like Tom Nutz than Jimmy Stewart.
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That was a little playlet we like to call
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An Unlikely Conversation Between Tom Brokaw, Michael Caine, and Jimmy Stewart.
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About Dune.
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Thank you.
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Jack Nicholson's here.
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Who wants to talk about Dune Messiah?
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Now, is there a Jack? I can't remember if that's before or after the one that I'm reading.
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Well, hello, everyone. It's me, Ronald Reagan.
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I hear you talking about Dune.
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You're talking about Dune.
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Talk about an evil empire.
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I saw Stewart make a face like he was about to jump in with another
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hack impression, but he couldn't think of one in time.
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The thing is, I could do a good impression, but it wouldn't be the same.
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That's the thing.
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Your impressions are too good.
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They're too good.
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We don't know what it would sound like if Clive Owen jumped in talking about Dune.
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Hello, hello. I love Dune.
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The book is me.
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He narrates himself, of course.
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Really, the Peter Sellers of the Flophouse.
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Just amazing.
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It's me, Paul Giamatti.
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I was walking by and I heard you talking about Dune.
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You're going to feel it all the way in New York, San Andreas.
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In theaters now.
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I'm very angry about it for some reason.
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Marty, your kids are going to read Dune.
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It's Christopher Lloyd.
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Goddamn, the worst impressions anyone has ever done.
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You know what?
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They're not the worst impressions because we just watched CBGB, a movie full of the
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shittiest impressions of famous punk rockers that there ever was.
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Hey, here are some words you never used to describe punk rock musicians and CBGBs.
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Well-fed, tan, healthy-looking, fit, except maybe Iggy Pop.
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For a heroin addict, he was in pretty good shape most of the time.
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I think Iggy Pop was the most convincing one because he was convincingly,
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weirdly, muscular emaciated.
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Except the guy, all of them look like, it does look like a high school play about CBGB where
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they just got kids with the same hair color as the people they're playing.
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And everybody who plays a famous person walks out and then says their name.
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Not unlike a certain Clive Owen impression.
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What do you think was worst?
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Was it Malin Aikerman as Debbie Harry?
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I don't know.
[14:15]
I mean, I thought the guys doing the Ramones were pretty lame too.
[14:19]
Yeah.
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I feel like the guy playing David Byrne did the best impression because he barely talked
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and he just stood there dressed in the same clothes that David Byrne used to wear.
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Yeah, and he looks convincingly somewhere on the autistic spectrum.
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Yeah, but the thing is also they don't have the actors sing cover versions.
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So here, so let's get to that point.
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Hilly Crystal decides to open up a club.
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He does it with his English, his Cockney English pal, Donal Logue.
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It's going to be a country bluegrass blues club, which is why it's called CBGBs.
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It's, you know, we all know the well-worn tale of CBGBs.
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It's going to be a cow butt, guy butt bar.
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So with his friend, the maybe English-accented Donal Logue and his daughter who
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keeps arguing with him about the bills.
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It's really great to see Donal Logue.
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His daughter, Ashley Green of Twilight fame.
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I think she might be it.
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Okay, everybody use your pocket computer.
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We're going to be quiet while Dan does this.
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Look, you're the navigator of your pocket computer.
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But it is really great to watch Donal Logue do these competing impressions or like accents
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where they get to a point where neither of them seems to know what accent they're supposed to be.
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Donal Logue is Englishing up while Alan Rickman tries to English down and they
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reach the middle of this like kind of shitty Patrick Magooan is what it sounds like.
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Like a poorly and unseated Patrick Magooan continental accent.
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It's not even like a transcontinental, yeah, mid-Atlantic accent.
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It's just sort of like, it just sounds like Kevin Costner or something in Prince of Thieves.
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Especially because they keep talking about baseball
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and how they're going to build a baseball field in a cornfield.
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Was that what happened in Prince of Thieves?
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I misunderstood that movie.
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It's called Robin Hood, Prince of Field of Dreams Thieves.
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Another Alan Rickman movie where he was also miscast.
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Although he probably was the best thing about that movie.
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Yeah, definitely.
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Like he was acting in a different movie than everyone else.
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No, Christian Slater was.
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But he was enjoyable in the movie he was acting in.
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So he wants...
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He thought he was in a Rocky Horror Picture Show version of the Robin Hood story.
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He wants...
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So this super serious, like hard-hitting Robin Hood story that we're given.
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He is a, he wants to, he wants to open a music club.
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He has a dog that poops everywhere.
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He's a totally unlikable, lazy, grumpy guy who mumbles and isn't friendly to anybody.
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And was kind of semi-friendly to people.
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He's just really like, he has no charisma whatsoever.
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He's like a walking sponge.
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And he operates with like the least amount of direction or input.
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Like you have no idea why he's doing what he's doing.
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Yeah, he has no motivation to do anything.
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Even, he never even says like, I like music.
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He's just kind of like...
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I guess you're just supposed to assume that.
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And the whole movie is predicated on the idea that you as the viewer love CBGB.
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The, you know, love CBGBs.
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You don't CBGB, but I always thought of it as CBGBs.
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Love CBGBs and love punk music.
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So like, you're going to watch this like the Stations of the Cross.
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And be super excited when like a bunch of people dressed up to look like the Dead Boys show up.
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Or like when a guy dressed up to look like Lou Reed shows up.
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And you're going to be so excited to see these famous punk moments acted out.
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And these famous stories about the crazy Hilly Crystal.
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And so the movie just...
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Acted out on a stage that's plastered with like stickers and posters.
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But none of it has like a lick of dust or dirt on it.
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And the movie...
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It's also interesting that you say like Stations of the Cross.
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Because it feels like a Christmas pageant.
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It feels like, all right, well, this is a familiar story.
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And we're going to get some kids to come in and act it out.
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Or like a passion play.
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Like that it's more important to hit the beats than any sense of drama or character.
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Like it feels more like a crappy ritual.
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And so it's...
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The movie doesn't have structure so much as it has this recurring series of scenes.
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Where people complain to Hilly that they're not making money on the bar.
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The bar's losing money.
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A band comes in and plays for a while.
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The actors lip-sync to the album version of these famous songs.
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Oh my god, it's so good.
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The lip-syncing is so bad.
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And so they'll be like, hey, yeah, we're just starting out.
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We're uh...
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This is our first ever performance live.
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Let's play this band's biggest hit.
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Biggest hit.
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Super polished.
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And at the end...
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Even if it's like anachronistic.
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Like they've got Patti Smith singing Because of the Night.
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When that's like a much later song from her.
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The last scene of the movie is this new band comes in.
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And it's clearly the police.
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Because they look kind of like the police.
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And they start playing.
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And they're just lip-syncing to the album version of Roxanne.
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And it's like, well, this guy either does an amazing sting impression.
[18:53]
And an amazing sting in a studio impression.
[18:56]
Like it's...
[18:56]
Yeah.
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And as you point out, like Alan Rickman's like, I might have something here.
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Which maybe was the thing he used to say a lot.
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I don't know.
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But like, it feels like you're watching...
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Of course they do.
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This is a really polished fucking song.
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It feels like a lot of time.
[19:10]
Like you're watching a movie version of the Jimmy Fallon game.
[19:12]
Where celebrities lip-sync to songs in competition.
[19:15]
But in celebrities, you have...
[19:17]
Instead of celebrities.
[19:18]
I mean, there's people who...
[19:20]
I mean, it's like...
[19:20]
You got Rupert Grint from Hogwarts.
[19:23]
It's like a...
[19:24]
Yeah.
[19:24]
It's like some...
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That's what we know from Hogwarts.
[19:27]
Some 13-year-old kid.
[19:29]
You got the guy from The Hangover that's not on the poster.
[19:31]
Justin Bartha.
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Some 13-year-old kid in Scarsdale.
[19:35]
I think of that every time I see it.
[19:37]
Justin Panthro?
[19:38]
What?
[19:39]
Bantha.
[19:39]
Oh, Bantha.
[19:40]
Yeah.
[19:42]
There's a Justin Bartha voodoo.
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It's like some kid in Scarsdale was really into punk.
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And so his parents decided to throw him a punk-themed bar mitzvah.
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Where they took some catering hall and plastered it with punk zines and shit.
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And hired people from the local performing arts high school.
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pretend they were punkers from the punk times
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and it's the whole thing is so like antiseptic and like
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look it looks really like
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if for a movie that's supposed to be about like
[20:10]
junkies performing music essentially in a shithole
[20:13]
it looks really clean like you were saying. Yeah, every time they go outside it's like they
[20:16]
stepped onto a fucking sesame street set. Like if Oscar the Grouch had shown up it
[20:20]
would have added needed grit and realism to the movie. Okay, we're in a very like
[20:25]
privileged position here that we're not usually. Oh yeah, we're upper middle class guys, we're all
[20:28]
employed, white, let's not forget that in America. I'm kind of employed.
[20:33]
But in addition. You're a private entrepreneur. We're in a privileged position in this movie
[20:38]
in that we don't have to spend a bunch of time
[20:41]
recapping the plot because this movie has no plot. Like I just want to
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skip through and say like
[20:45]
the plot of the movie is
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famous band after famous band walks into CBGB
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and Hilly gives them a chance
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however he's a bad manager so he's still like losing money on the bar where he forgets to pay his rent
[21:00]
so his daughter takes over some of that stuff. There's a long sequence where he's
[21:03]
trying to manage the dead boys as a band. Well yeah, in the end he's like oh this will
[21:06]
rocket me to success now I've got to start managing these
[21:09]
bands and he starts managing the dead boys but that doesn't really do much for him. He takes a band
[21:12]
that's made up of
[21:14]
some of the
[21:16]
of all the bands that ended up recording albums that played at CBGB is like
[21:19]
one of the
[21:20]
most screwed up when it came to actually
[21:23]
doing things you know? Yeah
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and that's pretty much all that happens in the movie
[21:28]
which means that we can unlike normal
[21:30]
uh... circle back and focus more on the small things rather than like going
[21:34]
through a labyrinthine plot. We should also mention there's a lovable junkie named
[21:38]
Idaho who does odd jobs around the place. Would you say that he was CBGB's
[21:43]
private Idaho?
[21:46]
I would. He seems like
[21:48]
he's like the lovable junkie mascot. It's like if they got
[21:52]
Charlie Day's character from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia on stage doing
[21:56]
that like Nightman Cometh play
[21:58]
to play a junkie. That's basically what you're getting at. Nightman Cometh? Iceman?
[22:03]
No I think it's
[22:04]
well what's the... Oh wait. It's the friggin bit from that show.
[22:08]
Oh you're talking about the part, the song, oh sorry, the song, the play from It's Always Sunny. I don't think I've seen that episode.
[22:13]
You're not talking about the... Danny DeVito's in it.
[22:17]
And I've seen the show. I haven't seen every episode.
[22:20]
I thought you meant Eugene O'Neill's play about Nightman, the I think uh... what, Valiant Cometh's character?
[22:25]
Uh... What does he like? I'm thinking of Shadow Man.
[22:28]
Okay I was gonna say... I thought you were talking about the jazz musician. Clifford Odette's play, the Iceman Cometh.
[22:34]
The long, long, very long play. That's the Eugene O'Neill play, Dan.
[22:39]
Are you sure? Yes. Okay.
[22:41]
Clifford Odette's wrote Ways of the Wefty, The Big Knife,
[22:44]
Awake and Sing. You keep talking. Yeah, look up Eugene O'Neill. Yeah, look it up.
[22:49]
Prove me wrong, dude.
[22:53]
Uh... so... yeah.
[22:56]
Eugene O'Neill, yeah.
[23:00]
I just learned something.
[23:02]
Uh... well, one, neither of them are boring.
[23:05]
It's pretty boring. I don't think... anyway, look, we're talking about CBGB, a movie we can all agree is boring.
[23:11]
So even at this point... If you're gonna say Eugene O'Neill's play is boring, you should talk about Morning Becomes Elektra.
[23:16]
And even that has good scenes in it. But anywho...
[23:18]
There's even bits where, even when he's trying to manage the dead boys, his motivation really isn't that clear.
[23:23]
I'm sorry I got so hostile about that, Dan.
[23:25]
No, I know that your self-worth is really tied up in your theater-goer persona.
[23:31]
I mean, not persona. It's something I care about. And Eugene O'Neill, someone my grandmother met a couple times
[23:37]
when she was working for the theater guild.
[23:39]
Name-dropping takes an early appearance.
[23:43]
This is my new segment.
[23:45]
People I didn't see in the theater, but family members of mine saw.
[23:48]
Do you like to think they went out a few times?
[23:50]
I would. My grandmother, I assume, hit on him.
[23:53]
Or she was pretty frisky at the time.
[23:58]
At the time. Tell me more.
[24:01]
This is my father's mother who, when I introduced her to my then-girlfriend, now-wife,
[24:06]
she was touring us around the assisted living apartment she lived in.
[24:10]
She said, here's the bedroom. Nothing happens in there.
[24:14]
It was like, Grandma, you are definitely a blanche.
[24:19]
Yep. It all happens in the bathroom.
[24:23]
I like to do it standing up in the shower.
[24:25]
Don't worry, we have those flowers on the ground so we don't slip.
[24:28]
Two of the worst ways to do it.
[24:30]
Look, when you're that old, you've got to spice it up somehow.
[24:33]
So, yeah, what do we have to say about this movie?
[24:37]
So, anyway, here was the question I was asking Stuart during the movie.
[24:41]
So, let's take a successful movie about a music scene, 24-hour party people,
[24:45]
which is about the Manchester music scene, music I don't like,
[24:49]
and a time period I'm not interested in, and yet that movie is great.
[24:53]
This is a movie about a time period and music which I've kind of lost my...
[24:57]
And a city.
[24:58]
And a city, which some of those things I'm not as into as I once was,
[25:02]
but there was a period in my life when I was all about punk,
[25:05]
especially that era of punk.
[25:07]
I'm still hugely obsessed with that time in New York's history,
[25:11]
and yet this movie was so uninteresting to me.
[25:14]
I was fighting to be interested in a movie that's about things I'm interested in.
[25:18]
There are musical acts depicted in this that I love.
[25:23]
Talking Heads first among them, but also Blondie, The Ramones.
[25:27]
Television you like?
[25:29]
Television I love.
[25:31]
Spin Doctors?
[25:32]
Iggy Pop is good.
[25:34]
Spin Doctors were great in this movie.
[25:36]
They played themselves.
[25:38]
The Ramones, but it's just so...
[25:44]
It glances over the surface of everything,
[25:47]
and when you see these bands, you don't learn anything about the bands.
[25:51]
You learn about their names and the costumes that they wore.
[25:54]
It's so focused on the club and the club owner,
[25:57]
who is maybe the least interesting part of this whole story.
[26:00]
It's focused on him, but even he doesn't do that much.
[26:05]
What about the breakneck pacing
[26:07]
that tries to mimic the pacing of punk rock music?
[26:10]
Every now and then, suddenly it'll turn into comic book scenes,
[26:14]
and it'll switch to another scene,
[26:16]
and you're like, what did I just see?
[26:18]
Did I get transported to Cool World?
[26:20]
Is this a live-action underground zine?
[26:23]
Is this comics with an X?
[26:25]
There'll be a thought balloon or a talk balloon
[26:28]
or someone saying something really unwitty
[26:31]
or something that just reinforces what we just saw in the scene anyway.
[26:35]
There's also the scenes of John Holmstrom
[26:39]
and what's-her-name from American Psycho?
[26:43]
I don't know. Mary Herron.
[26:45]
Mary Herron just walking around the streets of New York
[26:48]
talking about what punk means
[26:50]
in a way that no human being has ever done.
[26:52]
They were scenes from the West Wing
[26:54]
where there's exposition that Aaron Sorkin needs to get out.
[26:57]
He was like, why don't I just take this paragraph
[27:00]
that explains how the checks and balances system works,
[27:03]
split it up into dialogue by just giving characters one line each
[27:06]
and have them walk through a hallway,
[27:08]
and people will think it's dramatic.
[27:10]
It's the sort of myth-making that only makes sense in retrospect
[27:14]
but would never be true of the time.
[27:18]
This movie does not have any sense of immediacy,
[27:22]
of how a scene would actually be growing.
[27:25]
It's all through this haze of, this is important.
[27:30]
It's one of those movies where television performs to two people
[27:34]
and suddenly there's a review in a magazine about it.
[27:37]
In a different city.
[27:39]
And his daughter's like,
[27:41]
you have no idea how big this is going to be.
[27:43]
And then the next show they have, the place is packed.
[27:46]
Yeah.
[27:47]
And every band that plays the place is packed.
[27:49]
And that junkie guy's in the back making chili
[27:52]
like it's fucking eggs-aronious or something.
[27:54]
He's just squeezing ketchup into a big pot.
[28:00]
There's a lot of dog shit jokes.
[28:02]
A lot of dog shit jokes, a lot of cockroach jokes.
[28:04]
We learn the origin of punk rock dudes wearing
[28:08]
Doc Martens, I guess, or combat boots.
[28:10]
Well, boots, because he wasn't wearing Doc Martens.
[28:13]
I mean, I didn't check the tag, did you?
[28:15]
They don't look like Doc Martens.
[28:17]
Why do you have to always be right, Elliot?
[28:19]
Sorry, I'm just high off that Eugene O'Neill thing.
[28:21]
Why do you have to undercut me?
[28:23]
We're going to talk about this on The Walk Home.
[28:26]
We're probably going to talk about BPRD on The Walk Home.
[28:29]
Yeah, probably.
[28:30]
I will say that it is absurd to watch all these guys
[28:34]
lip-sync to these songs,
[28:36]
but at the same time, the best part of the movie by far
[28:39]
was just being like...
[28:40]
Closing your eyes and imagining you're just listening to them.
[28:43]
Imagining you're just listening to an album.
[28:45]
Oh, this is a good mixtape.
[28:46]
Here you go, you got some television, some talking heads.
[28:48]
Here comes Patti Smith, some blondie.
[28:50]
It could be one of those movies that has
[28:52]
a really good soundtrack album,
[28:54]
but is it not a good movie?
[28:56]
Like Empire Records?
[28:57]
Yeah, basically.
[28:58]
At the end of the movie, one of you guys said
[29:00]
they had assembled the team of Hilly's Helpers
[29:04]
to get the club back off the ground again,
[29:07]
and one of you said they were the Empire Records group now.
[29:10]
This movie feels like it's the Empire Records version
[29:13]
of the history of punk,
[29:15]
where when I was 12 or 14 or however,
[29:18]
watching Empire Records,
[29:19]
and they were like,
[29:20]
these kids are rebellious.
[29:21]
Even at that age, I was like,
[29:22]
eh, I don't think so.
[29:23]
They work at this enormous store,
[29:25]
and they don't...
[29:26]
Even as a kid, I was like,
[29:27]
they're not doing any work.
[29:28]
There's no wonder that this store is closing down.
[29:30]
Yeah.
[29:31]
Now, when you were 17...
[29:33]
It was a very good year.
[29:34]
Was that a very good year?
[29:35]
Okay.
[29:36]
A very good year for...
[29:37]
What was he saying about having sex with girls
[29:39]
on golf courses or something?
[29:40]
I don't...
[29:41]
I think you might be confusing with real Frank Sinatra.
[29:45]
Oh, maybe that was it.
[29:46]
Yeah, yeah.
[29:48]
Oh, God.
[29:49]
Now, when I was 31,
[29:50]
that was a very good year for...
[29:52]
Is that year the one with limousines
[29:54]
and women of independent means?
[29:56]
I don't know, man.
[29:57]
Check it.
[29:58]
Check the phone.
[30:00]
Did Eugene O'Neill write it?
[30:02]
I know that, to jump songs, when I saw a fire I thought, is that all there is?
[30:07]
Is that all there is to a fire?
[30:10]
I had the same feeling about circuses, and also life in general.
[30:15]
Is that all there is to the story of CBGBs?
[30:17]
Then during the credits, well here's the, then it's like, they've done this movie where
[30:20]
you'd only be interested in it if you knew who these people were anyway.
[30:23]
They end with one of those like, now we're going to tell you who the people were, with
[30:27]
a picture of the actor playing them, and a little bio.
[30:30]
Like it's fucking Animal House or something.
[30:32]
And then they show, it says on text, when Talking Heads was inducted into the Rock and
[30:37]
Roll Hall of Fame, they thanked Hilly Crystal.
[30:40]
Then the credits roll, they show that moment from the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction
[30:44]
ceremony, and it's way better than anything else in the movie.
[30:47]
Well they basically summarize all the salient points of the movie, like they basically do
[30:52]
a better plot summary than we just did.
[30:55]
And that's all you need, just watch the credits.
[30:57]
You'll get the whole story, it's exciting, that's it.
[31:02]
So I guess what I'm saying is, great good movie, or best movie ever?
[31:07]
Yeah, Cow Butt Guy Butt.
[31:09]
I kind of wish we were watching a movie called Cow Butt Guy Butt.
[31:13]
I wish there was more to say about this movie, but there really is not.
[31:17]
I was hoping, so this is a different type of movie for us, I don't remember if we've
[31:20]
ever done a movie based on fact, you know.
[31:22]
Immortals?
[31:24]
Yeah, I forgot Immortals.
[31:25]
Oh yeah, and 300 Rise of Empire.
[31:28]
R.I.P.D.
[31:29]
It's based on the true story of the rise of the R.I.P.D.
[31:32]
Yeah, the rise of the R.I.P.D.
[31:35]
Oh yeah, G.I.
[31:36]
Joe, Rise of Cobra, whatever.
[31:38]
No, we watched that one for fun.
[31:41]
Yeah, but there's not a lot there.
[31:44]
The true story of Jonah Hex.
[31:46]
Yeah, there's very little, like, there's not a lot of substance to this movie.
[31:49]
It's the thinnest of thin.
[31:51]
Any style it has is hideous.
[31:53]
It's poorly made.
[31:55]
This is their cheap looking movie.
[31:57]
They're trying to do, like, they've got a lot of great actors in it, but they're trying to do...
[32:00]
They date it with occasional newspapers and television news.
[32:04]
Like, someone is literally reading a newspaper that says, Ford to city, drop dead.
[32:08]
Like, okay, now I know the exact day the scene is set.
[32:11]
I love the bit where Haley's about to get a parking ticket from the cop, and the cop's like,
[32:17]
New York's running out of money.
[32:19]
They're calling in their debts.
[32:21]
We got to get more tickets.
[32:23]
New York's bankrupt.
[32:24]
It needs the cash.
[32:26]
But they didn't go to the trouble of...
[32:28]
Did you hear there was a taking on Pelham?
[32:30]
One, two, three.
[32:32]
Boy, these Watergates, I don't know what to tell you.
[32:36]
What do you got, a death wish?
[32:38]
I'm just thinking of old movies.
[32:40]
We're seeing a real beginning of a rise of evangelical Christianity as a force in American domestic politics.
[32:47]
And you got to know that the Soviet Union's only got another 13 or 12 years left in it.
[32:53]
There's a real malaise over the country.
[32:56]
It was a little later.
[32:58]
We got to whip inflation now.
[33:01]
That was that time.
[33:03]
At the same time, they didn't bother to hide the fact that they're using modern subway trains in the few subway scenes.
[33:11]
That was really great, seeing the trains that I could be riding on now.
[33:17]
It's like I could go back in time to CBGB's days.
[33:23]
Did either of you guys ever go there, to CBGB's?
[33:26]
No, I always kind of meant to because, like we've said, the music did mean something to me.
[33:32]
Although going there would be an empty gesture because by that time it was just another club with a shitty bathroom.
[33:39]
Yeah, because I went there once to see the band of my sister's then-boyfriend.
[33:43]
And it was – yeah, without the history of the place, it was like, oh, this place is pretty crappy.
[33:48]
I could buy a $20 T-shirt.
[33:50]
And it's not like –
[33:52]
That's the true measure of any punk bar.
[33:55]
It's not like I did not spend a fair amount of my young life in New York in shitty performance spaces as a comedy person.
[34:04]
So I didn't need to seek out a lousy performance space for music.
[34:08]
That's a good point.
[34:10]
But anyway, let's move on to Final Judgment.
[34:13]
See, someday – someday, and the listeners will not understand any of what I'm talking about, but Dan will –
[34:18]
– will make a movie called Juvie Hall with Alan Rickman as Eric Marceczak, our good friend and manager of Juvie Hall the comedy.
[34:25]
Who's about to get married.
[34:27]
Who's about to get married this weekend.
[34:29]
In fact, as you listen to this, Dan and I will be in Montreal celebrating that wedding and also getting married ourselves.
[34:33]
Dan, will you make me the happiest podcast co-host in the world?
[34:37]
I mean it's polygamy, but –
[34:39]
It's polygamy too.
[34:41]
No, wait a minute.
[34:42]
Hold on.
[34:43]
That joke works when you say bigamy.
[34:44]
I screwed that up.
[34:45]
I set that up poorly.
[34:46]
Let's re-rack.
[34:47]
Hold on.
[34:48]
It's bigamy.
[34:49]
No, it's too late.
[34:50]
It's too late to do the dumbest, oldest joke in the history of marriage jokes.
[34:54]
But yeah, no, that was – there were, you know, good people who came out of that tiny basement theater, including yours and mine truly.
[35:03]
Yeah, lots of people.
[35:04]
And Sarah Schaefer of MTV's Nicky and Sarah Live and other things.
[35:10]
And who else?
[35:11]
Lots of people.
[35:12]
Anyway, we don't need to reminisce about our old – we'll do this when we're older.
[35:16]
We'll reminisce about our –
[35:17]
I want to do it now.
[35:19]
Comedy basement days.
[35:20]
When you make that movie, could you put some fat guy in the audience and have it be me?
[35:26]
I just want one long name card.
[35:27]
You'll just be wearing a shirt that says Fat Stewart.
[35:29]
And overalls.
[35:30]
Yeah, I'd be wearing overalls.
[35:31]
You'll love this here comedy.
[35:34]
I've just arrived from Fort Wayne, Indiana.
[35:37]
Indiana.
[35:41]
And you'll do it the same way that Cheetah Chrome had a cameo in this as a taxi driver who looks at the camera and goes, I hate that punk shit.
[35:49]
You'll look at the camera and you go, this is some kind of real flop house.
[35:55]
I'll never do a podcast, whatever that is.
[35:58]
It hasn't been invented yet.
[36:00]
Wait a minute.
[36:01]
The actor or I would get the cameo that you guys promised me.
[36:04]
You would get the cameo, but you're in a fat suit.
[36:06]
So why would I be doing a weird impression of myself?
[36:09]
Because you don't want people to recognize you, except for the people really in the know.
[36:13]
Maybe you'll do a cameo as Clive Owen.
[36:15]
How about that?
[36:16]
I thought you were about to say Clive Barker, and I can't do that.
[36:20]
I was just in Croupier.
[36:21]
Hello?
[36:22]
Is this some sort of comedy place?
[36:25]
What would you do as a Clive Barker impression?
[36:29]
I would probably open up my books of blood and say, do you know fear?
[36:37]
Hi, it's me, Todd McFarlane.
[36:40]
Why is Clive Barker doing a Todd McFarlane impression?
[36:43]
Because it's an early extended burn on Todd McFarlane.
[36:48]
If you were a Hellspawn.
[36:52]
So this is the point of the podcast where I ask you a question.
[36:56]
It's almost like we didn't like this movie.
[36:57]
And it's a question of final judgment, whether this is a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie, or a movie you kind of like.
[37:04]
I, for part of it, was almost leaning towards good, bad, because it is really miscalculated, this film.
[37:12]
But by the end of it, it just got so dull.
[37:15]
There was a certain point where it was like a Bataan Death March movie, just kind of getting through it.
[37:21]
When he goes back out to New Jersey, and he goes to the chicken farm, and then he has a quilt around him for a little while.
[37:27]
Just playing acoustic guitar.
[37:29]
But it's really great after that because it's edited in such a way that he's talking on the phone, and then all of a sudden he's already in the room.
[37:35]
As soon as she hangs up the phone, he teleported there, and then it's crazy.
[37:39]
You said there's a scene where he walks to his office, and then it cuts to him sitting.
[37:44]
He walks to the front door of his office.
[37:46]
It cuts to inside his office, him at the desk, and cut on action, his daughter walking in.
[37:51]
And it looks like he transformed into his daughter as he passed through the door.
[37:56]
For one moment, they hired – I forget who edited images – the Robert Altman movie.
[38:01]
They brought him in to do one cut in the entire movie and just make it super complicated.
[38:07]
And that's supposed to represent that for a moment he can see things through her eyes.
[38:13]
Roles are reversed, and he understands I have to get my shit together.
[38:17]
I have to get everybody together, and they have to give me a bunch of money.
[38:20]
We also missed the scene where he and his daughter peed in the same fountain.
[38:24]
They switcherooed their brainios.
[38:26]
Anyway, I would say bad, bad movie. It was super boring.
[38:29]
All right. Thanks, guys. Thanks for that judgment.
[38:33]
Dan didn't ask me, but I think it was bad, too.
[38:35]
Wait, didn't I?
[38:37]
I mean, it was kind of an open question to both of us.
[38:40]
I feel like it was incumbent upon you to volunteer your feelings.
[38:43]
I agree. You've got to be your own advocate.
[38:45]
This is like a hospital or, you know, the legal system.
[38:50]
Stewart's have a harder time of it in the world.
[38:53]
Sure.
[38:54]
They have to support themselves.
[38:57]
So now it's time for letters from listeners, a popular segment on our podcast, Unlead to Believe.
[39:07]
And this first letter.
[39:08]
You're really hyping the letter segment.
[39:10]
This first letter goes exactly like this.
[39:13]
It is.
[39:14]
You are quoting.
[39:15]
The six reasons why Elliot Kalin is history's greatest monster.
[39:20]
Hold on a second.
[39:21]
Deer floppers.
[39:22]
Written by Dan McCoy.
[39:23]
Based on a recommendation by fellow.
[39:25]
History's greatest monster?
[39:27]
Based on.
[39:28]
Like, greater than Dracula?
[39:30]
Because he's pretty great.
[39:31]
History.
[39:32]
Based on a recommendation.
[39:33]
What about that Imhotep guy?
[39:35]
He's all right.
[39:36]
But he can, like, summon a sea of beetles to eat people.
[39:39]
Yeah, out of his mouth. Come on.
[39:41]
He's just throwing up beetles on you.
[39:43]
What can Dracula do against that?
[39:45]
He can't drink their blood.
[39:46]
They're beetles.
[39:47]
Beetles don't have blood.
[39:48]
Turn into a mist.
[39:49]
The beetles get all shivery and cold.
[39:51]
Okay.
[39:52]
That's actually a good point.
[39:53]
Maybe the moisture.
[39:54]
The beetles are like, help.
[39:55]
I need somebody.
[39:56]
Help.
[39:57]
Not just anybody.
[40:00]
uh... help i need someone there's a vampire
[40:03]
there was
[40:03]
and i i wouldn't have been so the cgv's rose was i wouldn't be surprised if
[40:07]
probably through the beatles just walked in even though they were totally
[40:09]
anachronistic to that time place i know it's not for lads from the interest of
[40:13]
the livable would decide to play a little skiffle in your little club
[40:16]
it's me g g l and i'm gonna shit my own face
[40:19]
uh...
[40:22]
and it's the g smith the saturday night live and i'm also gonna shit my own face
[40:27]
for some reason
[40:28]
lord will let me do it on the show a lot of laws me a lot would be to open up a
[40:32]
little bit of a it's me i'll tell us what i'm here to bite the head off of a
[40:37]
bad
[40:38]
the right hand and i don't know which one he did has a lot of things
[40:43]
barbie dole's a president
[40:47]
that's what he says that the james garfield yeah it's me and william howard
[40:51]
taft hilly would you be able to get me on stock from this bathing tub
[40:57]
uh...
[40:58]
it's
[40:59]
yeah
[41:00]
we reference don't head before but it's basically just don't head where everyone
[41:03]
comes in and does their thing
[41:05]
and announces themselves
[41:07]
or any saturday night live sketch
[41:11]
uh... yeah
[41:13]
so
[41:14]
yet to real
[41:16]
to flop for his eye
[41:18]
may get a little bit of a little bit of a truck
[41:21]
i was wondering if i might find that it was as an english accent hispanic
[41:25]
if i like the artfigure highland
[41:30]
you pass our aid and give me a look are you know i think he has one is this reason
[41:35]
well heaven sissu haito that's why im stalling carlastgian
[41:39]
lillie sanders
[41:42]
they were a minute to get them whatever you select it was on news is a lot up
[41:46]
under house i know visit i'm remembering an essay that i have a lot job joe's
[41:50]
would get mad
[41:51]
that criss alley would go to the same songs over and over again
[41:55]
like if there was a character wearing a restaurant carpool
[41:58]
it is a character wearing ready to speak a song of red the title is a character
[42:01]
in blue just pick a song blue in the title
[42:04]
boy it works really well though
[42:06]
so based on a recommendation by fellow payment dot walks and i'm getting into
[42:09]
electronic music and i'm not playing crazy jazz anymore continue
[42:14]
uh... based on a recommendation by fellow podcaster quintessential mack
[42:18]
nerd
[42:18]
john syracuse a i've listened to the entire flop house archives of the
[42:23]
john syracuse a few months
[42:25]
one hundred and seventy two episodes later
[42:27]
uh... she can date this uh...
[42:29]
email
[42:30]
i've come to one of you didn't email and i don't want to do with the human
[42:34]
i've come to a weirdo at least get one of the japanese body pillows as a
[42:37]
character it drama one and i will email that sounds appropriate
[42:42]
for a robot body pillow
[42:44]
that's true i guess
[42:45]
they have never seen a meal in case i would say so i apologize
[42:49]
date something to me on the system you'll blotsky
[42:52]
the whole bill in the abomination you should date emil harsh
[42:55]
he was not as good as they said
[42:57]
ameal
[42:58]
ameal
[42:59]
that's from uh...
[43:00]
north by northwest yeah
[43:02]
uh... i've come to one inevitable conclusion
[43:05]
elliot kaelin is history's greatest monster here the six reasons why he
[43:09]
issued that number one that's all you just saying
[43:11]
did you hear that shit he did not say it's all
[43:15]
letter outboxed you five reasons i'm history's greatest monster thank you
[43:19]
very much in a way number two
[43:22]
despite him
[43:23]
pestilence teenage romance that continues to this day
[43:26]
not once as he brought and hathaway on as a guest
[43:29]
it's a good point number three terrible point and then the celebrities you do
[43:32]
manage to get on he disappears for
[43:34]
why i think it's okay to blow up cinema legends sylvester sloan is beyond me
[43:39]
number four
[43:41]
so i would i would want to do a lot of hell it doesn't stick around when i'm
[43:45]
here just pass them in the stairway on the way up well but i think so that's
[43:48]
the law and i thought i might play with my pump and it's all of you know we
[43:52]
call ourselves the still owns this is joey still on johnny still on on dvd
[43:56]
still on a list of us is still on anyway
[43:59]
and that's not tommy still on will play some of the most high it's me frank
[44:03]
still on i'd like to be in the bay area you wouldn't get your hair cut in the
[44:08]
required bull cut
[44:09]
so that anyway i don't know it's my song i don't want to win this time one two
[44:13]
three four
[44:14]
i heard you saying in the film rhinestone i don't think you're
[44:17]
but you know that you're right for us ryan still on you know that was the
[44:20]
movie yeah
[44:21]
in which i think i play the ryan river
[44:23]
uh...
[44:24]
and so it was one of the hard-acting watch me because uh...
[44:28]
it's hard for a person to play a river
[44:30]
i'm not made of water i mean the human body is eighty percent water some like
[44:34]
that i don't know but i'm not a scientist
[44:36]
except i was a scientist in uh... despite its three d movie but that's
[44:40]
besides the point i do you know there
[44:41]
and as a product of cloning science and judge read but again i do you know that
[44:45]
the point is it's hard to play a river mostly playing rivers como as i am in my
[44:49]
new movie reason the action movie
[44:54]
uh... okay well i'm back guys
[44:57]
yeah that's a slow down the stairway
[44:59]
you are talking about ryan still on the movie where he plays the the the
[45:03]
reingold i don't know i don't know yes i like that
[45:06]
he plays role gold pretzels
[45:08]
number four it's about the making of those days now they have a role gold
[45:11]
pretzels commercial
[45:13]
uh... reason number four
[45:14]
caitlin
[45:15]
uh...
[45:17]
con
[45:18]
clearly his name is a shoddy attempt to disguise his relationship to previous
[45:22]
incumbent
[45:24]
gangas con and i don't know that i think you don't understand what that word
[45:27]
means uh... the jokes on you i'm not so i'm not disguising my relationship to
[45:32]
gangas con
[45:33]
my family was disguising its jewishness by changing the name from kaplan
[45:37]
jokes on you again for reasons reason uh...
[45:40]
i'm not chipping away
[45:42]
although
[45:43]
there is a possibility that we have some mongol bloods okay could be related to
[45:46]
gangas con
[45:48]
much like the villain in the shadow you're a pretty good falconer
[45:51]
yeah and i did lead my golden horde all the way up almost to venice in my
[45:56]
conquering of eastern europe
[45:58]
number five his obvious contempt for no vienna
[46:01]
his obvious contempt for his thoroughly charming
[46:03]
and impressively knowledgeable brother david caylin i love that guy does he
[46:07]
have opinions about movies so did david write this letter number six
[46:11]
finally despite a tempestuous teenage romance that continues to this day not once
[46:16]
has he brought anne hathaway on as a guest there can't be two reasons i know i said that already
[46:20]
but it really is the worst
[46:22]
all i can say is kudos to dan for channeling elliot elliot's evil genius into a bad movie
[46:26]
podcast instead of his natural home
[46:29]
the subjugation of humanity yours neil last name withheld it has been said if
[46:34]
you want to if you want to imagine elliot caylin just think of a human face
[46:37]
being stomped on a boot by a boot for all eternity
[46:41]
that boot a doc martin because i'm totally punk so when anne hathaway comes
[46:45]
on is
[46:46]
can we talk about catwoman or do we have to stick with like brokeback mountain
[46:50]
and stuff i think we'll probably have to talk about can we talk about havoc
[46:54]
princess diaries
[46:56]
yeah that's what i want to talk about because he has nudity in it
[46:59]
not sex and love and other drugs
[47:01]
yeah that's another good one
[47:02]
and brokeback mountain do you only want to talk about movies she was nude in?
[47:05]
she's an attractive lady
[47:08]
uh... okay i mean that's
[47:10]
i'm not saying she's not i don't know what your problem is i'd say we could talk about
[47:13]
other movies with her
[47:14]
yeah sure
[47:15]
uh... is she in red eye
[47:18]
did she stab that guy in his red eye? that's rachel mcadams
[47:21]
okay she's also a delightful actress can i talk to her about the life of red eye though i don't get it
[47:26]
you're like is cillian murphy a monster?
[47:30]
the trailer made it seem like he was a monster he's like a cyborg
[47:33]
isn't he some kind of monster?
[47:35]
but in the movie he's just like a dude
[47:39]
what's going on? his name looks like it should be pronounced cillian
[47:43]
isn't that weird? it's me sea biscuit i don't understand your movie you're even doing a bad impression of your impression of sea biscuit
[47:48]
gotta go
[47:50]
this is the worst impressions we've ever done
[47:53]
by far my worst alone earlier i mean i wasn't here for it but
[47:57]
uh... yeah what are you talking about? yeah you did that off camera or
[48:01]
mic off mic
[48:02]
yeah yeah mic wasn't here just rewind this and delete it
[48:05]
so this next
[48:06]
uh... letter
[48:07]
goes like this i'd just want to thank you guys
[48:10]
for your episode on the oogie loves
[48:12]
if you would never feature it on your podcast i would have never known it existed
[48:16]
did it say at the top read sarcastic? well certain words are capitalized so
[48:22]
so it's like an old comic book i see
[48:23]
so it would never have caught my eye on netflix as something to entertain my two-year-old
[48:27]
daughter while i was cooking dinner
[48:29]
thanks to that one faithful viewing she requested it daily for a week
[48:34]
i often find her dancing and repeating lyrics from the songs and although she doesn't
[48:37]
quite know how to pronounce her own name yet
[48:39]
she can clearly articulate goofy toofy pull up your pants
[48:44]
thank you again for your part in bringing this
[48:47]
fun into our lives
[48:48]
daddy family name withheld now i don't know how anyone could have taken our coverage of
[48:52]
the oogie loves as an endorsement of it for child viewing rather than a descent into madness
[48:57]
which it was
[48:59]
i believe i screamed the name of the movie out in pain and anguish at the end
[49:06]
that's his misreading of history
[49:08]
that that guy is history's greatest monster look at yourself
[49:12]
look within yourself
[49:13]
look without yourself
[49:15]
maybe deep down inside there's a kid that wants to watch oogie loves
[49:18]
and you should tell that kid to stop
[49:21]
there's a child inside you that's an oogie that just wants to be loved you have to shoot
[49:25]
that child
[49:26]
whoa but who could kill a child
[49:29]
only zeus god of the greeks
[49:31]
kill a lot of children yeah
[49:32]
uh... so i guess it's been a lesson in greek mythology for you
[49:37]
unfortunate oogie loves parent
[49:39]
yeah the greek god oogie lovius
[49:41]
he was the greek god of irritating songs and pants falling down
[49:46]
and juice boxes
[49:47]
no that was that was the greek that was the roman god capricen
[49:50]
the roman god of juice boxes and bags
[49:57]
if you could puncture it with a straw and then suck juice out of it
[50:00]
Come to you in a golden shower.
[50:05]
So here's another letter.
[50:06]
It goes like this.
[50:07]
Great segue.
[50:09]
Masterful.
[50:10]
Dear Mr.
[50:11]
Kalin, dear Mr.
[50:13]
Kalin.
[50:14]
Did I just order dinner on you?
[50:15]
Because that was seamless.
[50:17]
Dear Mr.
[50:18]
Kalin, remember that time three or four years ago when you said
[50:21]
Delaware wasn't a very good state?
[50:23]
Fuck you.
[50:24]
I clearly don't remember.
[50:25]
That is all.
[50:26]
Sincerely, the state of last name with hell.
[50:28]
Wow.
[50:28]
Okay.
[50:29]
That was that was that has been a rivalry that's been building
[50:32]
for a long time.
[50:33]
Yeah, that's Delaware's giving us a lot of great things like
[50:38]
boy joke in Wayne's world about boring Delaware.
[50:42]
There you go.
[50:42]
Yeah.
[50:42]
Thanks Delaware.
[50:43]
They have a lack of sales tax there.
[50:45]
It's Della Reese from Delaware.
[50:47]
You can go make big purchases.
[50:49]
I don't know.
[50:49]
What about Della Duck?
[50:51]
What about Delicatessen?
[50:56]
So what is Della Duck?
[50:58]
Della Duck is is that like dial a duck?
[51:02]
Is that some kind of artificial plastic?
[51:03]
Della Duck was the mother of Huey, Dewey, and Louie.
[51:07]
Well, I thought they were wait, but I thought hold on a second.
[51:10]
I thought that Donald made them in a lab.
[51:12]
No, it's Uncle Donald.
[51:14]
Giro Giro should have made him.
[51:16]
He is.
[51:17]
Wait a minute.
[51:18]
I figured it out.
[51:18]
Donald's sister Scrooge in a bid for immortality has Giro gate
[51:23]
make him three clones of himself as three clones in a fountain.
[51:28]
Which one will the fountain pick and he eventually plans when
[51:32]
they to see which one will survive and be the strongest and
[51:35]
he'll place his brain in that duck's body.
[51:37]
Sure.
[51:40]
Is this done?
[51:41]
What is nonsense?
[51:43]
Is it done?
[51:43]
No, it's nonsense.
[51:45]
And yes, it's done.
[51:46]
Okay.
[51:47]
So last letter of the evening Della Duck a follow-up to you
[51:52]
dear firm succulent peaches.
[51:54]
Dan, how was Scrooge related to the ducks?
[51:57]
Well, that was Donald's uncle.
[51:59]
So what?
[52:00]
So what?
[52:00]
How's a lot of uncle in the duck family?
[52:04]
There's not a lot of parents.
[52:06]
Yeah, parent to child relationships are strained, but uncle
[52:10]
relationships are very close and in duck culture are children
[52:13]
given to their uncles to be raised.
[52:15]
I don't know.
[52:15]
I mean, there's also I mean grandma duck seems to be a fond
[52:20]
figure magic of the spell.
[52:22]
Now magic of the spell is not related to the Scrooge were
[52:25]
it's fucking right now.
[52:26]
The last name is the last name.
[52:29]
Glomgold reference to his like old-timey medieval career or
[52:34]
is he?
[52:34]
I think it's a pretty obvious name.
[52:39]
Now Dan, is it racist that all the criminals were presented
[52:41]
as dogs?
[52:43]
I mean also all humanoid characters in those comics were
[52:46]
also presented as dogs.
[52:48]
So I think I think it just says that one segment of society
[52:51]
is as a criminal segment as is humans.
[52:56]
Was was that hydro dog?
[52:58]
Was he was was he also a criminal?
[53:01]
I don't know what you're talking about.
[53:02]
It's the same shit, right?
[53:04]
I love Launchpad McQuack was in both.
[53:05]
So yeah, but that was a dark winged duck villain.
[53:08]
I mean Goofy is also a dog-like character.
[53:11]
Now Launchpad McQuack has a really big chin.
[53:14]
Can ducks have chins?
[53:16]
Is Jay Leno Launchpad McQuack?
[53:18]
Yes, and he's Max and I.
[53:20]
They're all the same.
[53:23]
So versatile.
[53:23]
I've never seen them in the same place at the same time.
[53:25]
That's very true.
[53:26]
I wonder if that was a rule that anytime you never saw two
[53:30]
people the same time, they must be the same person.
[53:36]
I've never seen Bill Clinton and CeeLo in the same room
[53:42]
at the same time.
[53:43]
They must be the same person.
[53:44]
Yeah, I've never seen Stewart and Daryl Hannah in the same
[53:48]
room at the same time.
[53:50]
You haven't?
[53:50]
We hang out all the time.
[53:52]
Oh really?
[53:52]
Yeah, we're really into karate kickboxing.
[53:56]
Just watching it.
[53:59]
The original, the remake.
[54:01]
We don't care.
[54:01]
We're just watching it together.
[54:02]
It's just a great story.
[54:03]
The next Karate Kid?
[54:05]
It's timeless.
[54:05]
Oh, I thought you said Daryl Hammond.
[54:09]
Yeah, I am Daryl Hannah.
[54:11]
So you were dancing at the Blue Iguana?
[54:14]
Yeah, that was me.
[54:16]
But let's get back to it.
[54:18]
I hang out with Daryl Hammond.
[54:19]
Nice butt and splash.
[54:21]
Thanks?
[54:22]
Yeah.
[54:23]
So, butt and splash.
[54:26]
That's the movie about a button that falls into some water.
[54:31]
We all know that I'm a buttcyclopedia.
[54:34]
And yet you didn't want to watch the movie Cowboy Guy
[54:37]
Butt when it was available to us.
[54:39]
So your website is called buttcyclopedia?
[54:42]
Yeah.
[54:43]
So there's a letter, huh?
[54:44]
This last letter.
[54:45]
That was a lot of nonsense.
[54:47]
I have more DuckTales questions, by the way.
[54:49]
Oh, I can answer them, but we should probably get to the letter.
[54:53]
This letter goes, a follow-up.
[54:55]
Dan, what's a duck blur?
[54:56]
It's just when ducks are moving fast.
[55:00]
Okay.
[55:00]
Seems self-evident to me.
[55:02]
A follow-up.
[55:03]
To dear firm succulent peaches,
[55:05]
I am the Tracy last name withheld who was recently proposed to on your show.
[55:10]
Tracy Lords?
[55:10]
I was actually at work listening to the podcast on my lunch break.
[55:16]
The letter came on.
[55:17]
And at first I just thought it was witty.
[55:19]
But when I heard Dan pronounce my name in that adorable lilt of his,
[55:23]
I sat up straight, smash cut to my only half hearing the rest of the letter
[55:28]
between fits of crying laughter and my own impression of Stewart's,
[55:32]
wait, what?
[55:33]
Come on, over and over.
[55:35]
The letter was only the start of the proposal.
[55:37]
There was a kitten bearing my ring.
[55:39]
That's adorable.
[55:40]
A dress and a serenade for my husband to be backed by a mariachi band.
[55:44]
It was the greatest night of my life.
[55:46]
Propose to you in a sitcom.
[55:47]
Yeah, this guy is really like,
[55:49]
you're making us look bad.
[55:50]
I literally just took my wife to a nice place and after.
[55:53]
I am thrilled that the flop house podcast was a key part of it.
[55:56]
Thank you all so much Dan for your beautiful execution of the letter.
[55:59]
Elliot the Emmy award-winning writing for saying how good the letter was.
[56:04]
This was a sort of an absolute thrill for Cohen.
[56:06]
I mean, we're both Emmy award winners of this.
[56:08]
I mean, you've got more times as many as you.
[56:10]
Yeah, but and Stewart for that adorable and excited squeal in the background.
[56:15]
If you find yourselves in Australia,
[56:17]
you're all invited to the wedding XXX a kiss for each of you Tracy PS.
[56:22]
We watch Mordecai since part of our Canon now.
[56:25]
Good Lord.
[56:26]
I wanted to watch Contagion or Country Strong to get a taste out of my mouth afterwards.
[56:29]
At least Gwyneth Paltrow's characters bite it in those movies PPS.
[56:33]
I just ordered a couple of flop house t-shirts not wedding attire per se,
[56:37]
but hunting moon outfits.
[56:39]
Definitely definitely.
[56:40]
Well, I mean, that's where the action happens.
[56:43]
So she's just wearing the shirt and nothing else.
[56:47]
We should do a we should do a we should do an Australia live show.
[56:52]
Huh? Yeah.
[56:52]
Yeah, let's do that.
[56:54]
The flop house down under.
[56:55]
I mean, I look if Australia kangaroo Jack finally,
[57:01]
we can make meet that quickly.
[57:02]
I just don't want to get down there.
[57:03]
I don't want to get eaten by a crocodile Dundee and Alan Rickman.
[57:07]
One of those Yahoo!
[57:08]
Serious is Alan Rickman.
[57:10]
He's in quickly down under right now.
[57:13]
You mean he was either he's Australian which is not which he's not.
[57:16]
Yeah, we can meet the young version of Einstein.
[57:19]
Yep, of course when he got old very moved to Austria Austria Germany.
[57:25]
I don't know. I don't know anything about Einstein eagles.
[57:27]
Empathy squared. Am I right people?
[57:30]
This guy knows what I'm talking about.
[57:31]
Einstein stand-up career.
[57:33]
I don't know if you can do crowd work on a podcast.
[57:35]
Mass times the square of the speed of light.
[57:37]
Am I right people?
[57:38]
I'm right.
[57:38]
It'll be proved in a couple years.
[57:40]
The ladies in the audience know what I'm talking about.
[57:41]
Hey, look if I'm traveling on the front of a light beam.
[57:45]
What am I going to see?
[57:47]
I mean, what is this?
[57:48]
Yeah, speaking of Yahoo!
[57:49]
Serious, did you ever notice Tracy?
[57:51]
Please explain Yahoo!
[57:52]
Serious to us.
[57:52]
Did you ever notice how if you're on a train platform
[57:55]
and someone else is on a train your experience of light is different?
[57:58]
What's that all about?
[58:00]
I'm Albert Einstein everybody.
[58:01]
Good night.
[58:03]
Wow, he did that pre-encore.
[58:05]
I figured that'd be his best material.
[58:07]
He's just starting out.
[58:07]
He hasn't become a star yet.
[58:09]
Thank you very much for writing in.
[58:10]
We're so happy to hear that you said yes
[58:13]
and that we could be a part of this magic moment.
[58:15]
To the dress.
[58:15]
You know, I'm not...
[58:16]
Or should I say, this magic moment.
[58:19]
There's that singing you were complaining about.
[58:21]
When your flop is close to mine will last for Flophouse.
[58:25]
Sweeter than flops.
[58:27]
We're so close to the end,
[58:28]
but you've still sent Stuart out for another beer.
[58:31]
That's what happens.
[58:32]
Stuart, I'm done singing.
[58:33]
Wait, what?
[58:34]
But we're very excited and maybe, you know what?
[58:36]
Maybe we will try to make it down to Australia for this wedding.
[58:38]
We won't make it.
[58:39]
I mean, who knows?
[58:40]
I mean, I'd love to do a show in Australia
[58:42]
if we could somehow cover the cost of even getting there.
[58:45]
Look, if we got a wedding to go to, I mean, and we get a date, you know,
[58:49]
if we get a date that we can target...
[58:51]
Wait, you have a...
[58:52]
You're married, dude.
[58:53]
You don't need a date.
[58:54]
Yeah, your date's going to be your wife.
[58:56]
If we have a time that we can shoot for...
[58:58]
Of course, time.
[59:00]
Time and space are bent by gravity, of course.
[59:04]
It makes so much sense.
[59:05]
That's my new closer.
[59:07]
That's Albert Einstein.
[59:09]
Good stuff.
[59:11]
So now...
[59:12]
Hold on a second.
[59:13]
What's that, your favorite B-52s album?
[59:15]
What if...
[59:16]
Yeah.
[59:17]
What if God...
[59:18]
That was the first tape I bought, actually.
[59:19]
Good stuff.
[59:20]
What if God didn't play dice with the universe?
[59:23]
I think I'm on to something.
[59:25]
What was your first tape that you bought?
[59:27]
Good stuff by the B-52s.
[59:29]
Mine was Pills, Thrills, and Bellyaches by the Happy Meown Days.
[59:34]
Mine might have been Elastica's first album.
[59:37]
That's the best choice of all three of us, I can say.
[59:40]
I love that album.
[59:42]
But I feel ashamed of how ashamed I was at the time of liking a band
[59:46]
that was almost all girls and the name was in pink on the front.
[59:50]
It wasn't in pink.
[59:51]
Maybe it was on the tape.
[59:52]
I mean, just the name Elastica was in pink on the front of the tape cover.
[59:56]
If I'm remembering correctly.
[59:58]
Anyway...
[1:00:00]
Dwight. But, uh, that's a great album.
[1:00:03]
That's us remembering tapes and CDs.
[1:00:05]
I don't care if they ripped off a bunch of stuff from Wire, it's a great album.
[1:00:08]
Everyone go out and listen to the first Alaska album and nothing else by then.
[1:00:12]
And this first CD I ever bought was Savvy Showstoppers by Shadowy Men on a Shadowy Planet
[1:00:17]
because it had the Kids on the Hall theme on it.
[1:00:19]
Another surprisingly hip choice.
[1:00:22]
Look, I just know what I like.
[1:00:24]
Yeah.
[1:00:25]
Stewart, do you know what you like?
[1:00:27]
I have no idea.
[1:00:29]
Can you show me?
[1:00:31]
I want to know what love is.
[1:00:34]
Rock of Ages. Anyway, so what do we do now?
[1:00:36]
I want Stu to show me.
[1:00:38]
No, it's the other way around.
[1:00:41]
Stu wants you to show Stu.
[1:00:46]
I'm like a caveman.
[1:00:49]
Stu wants you to show Stu.
[1:00:54]
Stu wants to feel what love is.
[1:00:56]
Cavemen did invent rock music.
[1:01:00]
Dan, what do we do next on this stupid podcast for jerks and idiots?
[1:01:04]
And we're the biggest jerks and idiots of all.
[1:01:08]
This is the part of the podcast where we recommend movies that we like.
[1:01:14]
Why don't one of you go because I don't think I've seen a movie in a long time.
[1:01:18]
What's a movie?
[1:01:19]
He hasn't been on a plane.
[1:01:21]
I saw a kinescope I really liked.
[1:01:25]
Since we talked a little bit about people striving for fame,
[1:01:30]
I'm going to recommend a little movie that's available on Netflix called Starry Eyes.
[1:01:37]
Starry Eyes is a horror movie for all you horror hounds and gore fiends in the audience.
[1:01:43]
I know there's a few of you. It's pretty straightforward.
[1:01:49]
It's a young aspiring actress who is played a little bit extra crazy.
[1:01:56]
She gets offered a role but it comes with some downsides
[1:02:05]
because it's being offered by basically the devil.
[1:02:10]
I won't spoil too much but there's some really great stuff.
[1:02:17]
Some of the friendships and relationships between this circle of aspiring actors and filmmakers
[1:02:24]
starts off as being a little bit cloying and then slowly becomes a little bit more,
[1:02:28]
it seems a little deeper and is played pretty well.
[1:02:32]
And then when things actually start getting terrible,
[1:02:35]
I feel like all the actors reactions are much more interesting than I would expect in a movie
[1:02:41]
and it gets super gory and awesome.
[1:02:44]
So check it out.
[1:02:47]
Here's what I've come up with on the fly, which is I recommend...
[1:02:52]
Four-star recommendation from Dan McCoy.
[1:02:54]
No, this is a movie that I genuinely love.
[1:02:56]
Avatar, you guys see it yet?
[1:02:58]
This is a movie I love. I haven't seen it in a while.
[1:03:01]
I have the Blu-ray. I have not had a chance to watch it since I got it.
[1:03:06]
However, it's a movie that I love.
[1:03:08]
And it's called Screwballs.
[1:03:10]
It's on Blu-ray?
[1:03:11]
It's called Stagecoach.
[1:03:13]
Oh, that is a great movie.
[1:03:14]
By John Ford. It's up there in the top tier of my favorite John Ford movies.
[1:03:19]
John Ford and Nunnally Johnson.
[1:03:21]
Along with things like The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance and My Darling Clementine and She Wore a Yellow Ribbon.
[1:03:27]
It's a great movie and it occurred to me to recommend just because I know that George Miller,
[1:03:36]
director of much-beloved Mad Max Fury Road...
[1:03:39]
Babe, pig in the city.
[1:03:40]
...he has cited it as an influence in his Chase films.
[1:03:46]
So if you have not seen Stagecoach, it is perhaps the ur-John Wayne Western.
[1:03:54]
Oh, very much so.
[1:03:55]
I mean, he had made Westerns before then, but this is the one that made him the Western star.
[1:04:01]
If you want to see a Chase with a Stagecoach, the movie you want to see is Stagecoach.
[1:04:05]
It's a movie that holds up really well just as a fun movie to watch and a great movie.
[1:04:11]
Although, the one that doesn't hold up well is how many Native Americans they shoot to death at the end.
[1:04:15]
But hey, they're under attack, I guess.
[1:04:17]
It's one of those things where you have to just go with the movie and accept,
[1:04:21]
okay, the Native Americans are the bad guys in this thing.
[1:04:24]
It's like Assault on Precinct 13 where you have to assume those L.A. gang members are basically zombies.
[1:04:30]
And the Native Americans here are treated, if anything, just like this natural force that exists.
[1:04:37]
They're not vilified the way they would be in other movies.
[1:04:40]
They're still the bad guys, I guess, but that's a really great movie.
[1:04:43]
So yeah, I didn't realize that Stagecoach had such an influence on George Miller
[1:04:46]
because the story about Orson Welles was that when he was preparing to make Susan Cain,
[1:04:50]
he watched Stagecoach over and over again to kind of learn how a movie is put together.
[1:04:54]
I mean, if you just want a movie that is totally artful but also fun, that's near the top.
[1:05:03]
Elliot, what were we going to –
[1:05:04]
I'm going to recommend a movie I saw recently that –
[1:05:06]
so CBGB didn't really capture what I think of as punk.
[1:05:10]
Here's a movie that I think –
[1:05:12]
It's called Shrek.
[1:05:16]
It's called Ice Age, Age of the Dinosaurs or whatever that thing was called.
[1:05:21]
So there's a movie I saw recently, a Japanese movie, that I felt captured the kind of nihilism
[1:05:27]
and just like unthinking aggression of punk a lot better,
[1:05:32]
which is weird since it predates punk by about 15 years.
[1:05:37]
It's a movie called The Warped Ones directed by Koyoshi Kurohara.
[1:05:42]
It's one of these movies that's like when Japan would take an American film genre
[1:05:49]
and do their version of it and it would come out much more extreme and intense.
[1:05:54]
So it's their version of like a juvenile delinquents with no direction on the loose movie.
[1:06:00]
These two guys come out of jail who are borderline sociopaths.
[1:06:06]
But they're young people who are looking for something in their life.
[1:06:09]
One of them joins a gang and starts a relationship with a prostitute.
[1:06:14]
The other one is just aimless and the only thing that has any meaning for him is jazz music.
[1:06:19]
He's obsessed with jazz and otherwise he's just kind of like ruining other people's lives and attacking people.
[1:06:26]
He performs a pretty horrifying crime on a woman
[1:06:29]
and she haunts him to try to get him to fix things in this kind of twisted sense of justice.
[1:06:36]
It's a strange and unsettling movie in a lot of ways and it's shot really cool.
[1:06:42]
There's a lot of this very crisp black and white handheld camera work and things like that.
[1:06:47]
But there's just this sense of like youth clawing at itself
[1:06:51]
because it can't see a real way to the things it wants in life
[1:06:55]
and doesn't even know what it wants out of life
[1:06:57]
and driven by the energy that they feel in this music
[1:07:01]
that the mainstream of people around them see as degenerate in some way.
[1:07:06]
Here it happens to be jazz and there's a lot of scenes where
[1:07:09]
or a couple of scenes where kind of like really smooth light jazz is playing in places
[1:07:15]
and the main character's like,
[1:07:16]
That's not jazz! That's not jazz!
[1:07:18]
and gets really mad about it.
[1:07:19]
So I felt, if anything, this movie was...
[1:07:21]
Were they sex scenes?
[1:07:22]
Uh, no.
[1:07:23]
Because that's when you play light jazz.
[1:07:25]
That's when it's appropriate to have just a lot of smooth sax for the sex.
[1:07:29]
That's why it's called The Sexophone.
[1:07:31]
Really? I didn't know that.
[1:07:32]
Yeah, it's an instrument that was invented by I think Dr. Goldfoot,
[1:07:35]
inventor of the bikini machine.
[1:07:37]
Dr. Goldfoot and his bikini machine.
[1:07:40]
And the girl bomb.
[1:07:41]
Dr. Goldfoot and his bikini machine.
[1:07:44]
There was a, I think recently,
[1:07:47]
this is not related to movies at all,
[1:07:48]
Alan Moore won me back with his third Captain Nemo book.
[1:07:53]
The one where they go to South America to find the Nazis for cloning Hitler.
[1:07:57]
And when one of the Nazi scientists in it is Dr. Goldfoot,
[1:08:01]
the Vincent Price carrier.
[1:08:03]
Have you seen this one, Stuart?
[1:08:04]
I don't think I've found this one.
[1:08:05]
Oh, it's good. It's a good one.
[1:08:07]
But anyway, The Warped Ones.
[1:08:10]
More punk than CBGB.
[1:08:12]
Wow!
[1:08:14]
More punk.
[1:08:15]
So, man, we got through it.
[1:08:18]
Three great tastes.
[1:08:20]
Tons of impressions.
[1:08:21]
That go great together.
[1:08:22]
Great impressions.
[1:08:23]
We're kind of like a group of rich littles.
[1:08:25]
Yep.
[1:08:26]
Can I be Michael Winslow?
[1:08:27]
Er, er, I'm a rocking chair.
[1:08:30]
And I'm a cop.
[1:08:32]
I wish Michael Winslow, wait, hold on.
[1:08:36]
He's a rocking chair who's also a cop?
[1:08:38]
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[1:08:39]
He's a rocking cop.
[1:08:41]
That was what Cop Rock was about.
[1:08:44]
Cops are rockin', don't come a-knockin'.
[1:08:46]
Crime shouldn't come a-knockin'.
[1:08:48]
You sounded kind of like a rocking chair and kind of like a donkey.
[1:08:50]
Caw, caw, caw, I'm a cop and a bird.
[1:08:52]
It's me, Michael Winslow.
[1:08:54]
I wish Michael Winslow had, one, announced himself by name,
[1:08:57]
not his name, his character,
[1:08:59]
but also had said what his sounds were at the end of it.
[1:09:02]
Um, I don't even know how to pronounce it.
[1:09:05]
Vroom, I'm a race car.
[1:09:07]
I'll be the fast-talkin' guy from the Micro Machines commercials.
[1:09:11]
It's not an imitation.
[1:09:13]
I've forgotten how this works.
[1:09:15]
Why don't you sign off?
[1:09:16]
For the Flophouse,
[1:09:18]
sleep tight,
[1:09:20]
eat right,
[1:09:22]
don't let the Ed Begley Jr.'s bite,
[1:09:24]
I've been Elliot Kalin.
[1:09:26]
I've been Dan McCoy.
[1:09:28]
And coming up third,
[1:09:30]
it's Stuart,
[1:09:32]
Stuart Wellington.
[1:09:34]
Good night, everyone.
[1:09:36]
God bless.
[1:09:41]
...
[1:09:45]
Suckin' on one of them cold brews.
[1:09:51]
Suckin' on chili dogs.
[1:09:53]
So, guys.
[1:09:55]
Yeah.
[1:09:56]
So, Dan.
[1:09:57]
What's he drinking?
[1:09:58]
One of them Modellos.
[1:10:00]
Modellos.
[1:10:02]
So, Dan.
[1:10:03]
What's he drinking?
[1:10:04]
One of them Modellos.
[1:10:05]
One of them Modellos.
[1:10:07]
What's he drinking?
[1:10:00]
Nelson Moe Dello.
[1:10:02]
It was Moe's Dello.
[1:10:04]
Moe's-ello.
[1:10:05]
How was Dougloves movies?
[1:10:06]
Was there a setup like this?
[1:10:08]
Dello was on the stage at Irving Plaza.
[1:10:10]
Oh, wow.
[1:10:11]
Otherwise, the setup was not so different.
[1:10:13]
It was a live show at Irving Plaza last night.
[1:10:14]
It was a lot of fun.
[1:10:15]
Yep.
[1:10:16]
And...
[1:10:17]
Was Irving there?
[1:10:18]
Kathy's boyfriend?
[1:10:19]
Washington Irving, who Irving Place is named after,
[1:10:22]
was not there.
[1:10:23]
He's been dead for about 200 years.
[1:10:25]
What?
[1:10:26]
Sorry, I didn't want you to find out this way.
[1:10:30]
Subs by www.zeoranger.co.uk
Description
Detailed show notes abandoned this week, as Dan and Elliott are winging their way to Montreal for a wedding!
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