Ep. #182 - Strange Magic

Stuart Wellington

[0:00] Hey, tonight we watched Strange Magic.

Dan McCoy

[0:03] Some shit that fell out of George Lucas's brain.

[0:30] All right.

[0:35] In three, two, one.

[0:41] Hey, everyone.

[0:42] Welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:43] I'm Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[0:43] Ooh, Dan McCoy.

[0:45] Great.

[0:45] I'm Stuart Wellington.

Dan McCoy

[0:46] And we have a guest tonight.

[0:48] Who is that guest?

Stuart Wellington

[0:49] Ooh, I'm Jordan Morris.

[0:50] Great.

[0:52] I know.

[0:52] You just stole my bed.

[0:53] I don't like this at all.

[0:55] Jordan Morris, you're trying out for Elliot Kalin's role.

[0:59] He died in a hunting accident.

[1:02] Weird that he went hunting.

[1:03] Yeah.

Jordan Morris

[1:04] I'll be known as the second Elliot.

[1:06] You know, like people talk about the second Darren on Bewitched or the second Becky on Roseanne.

[1:10] I'll just be the, like, replacement Elliot, and then fans can get in a debate as to who was better.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15] Or maybe everyone will forget the original Elliot years down the road when we all are sitting here with crazy long gray beards.

[1:22] Sure.

Jordan Morris

[1:22] That'll be like a Flophouse trivia thing.

[1:24] Like, did you know that Jordan Morris was not the first to portray Elliot?

Dan McCoy

[1:28] I do think that you need to speak a little higher and more nasally.

[1:32] Sure.

[1:33] And complain about getting home to your baby.

[1:35] Yeah.

Jordan Morris

[1:35] Well, I'll also make sure to badger anyone who.

Stuart Wellington

[1:39] And his hemorrhoids.

[1:40] He was always complaining about his hemorrhoids.

[1:41] Oh, and his erectile dysfunction.

[1:44] He's like, it's like a floppy little sausage.

Jordan Morris

[1:46] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:47] I have too much diarrhea.

[1:50] I was going to say losing his hair, but he is actually losing his hair.

[1:54] Oh, dude.

[1:55] Come on.

[1:56] I was going to say to fill in for Elf.

[1:57] There's nothing sacred.

[1:57] I mean, I would not say that if I didn't think it did not seem to bother him.

Jordan Morris

[2:01] Erectile dysfunction is hilarious.

Dan McCoy

[2:03] It's totally hilarious.

[2:04] Baldness is an issue.

[2:06] Elliot is the person that I know who most appears to be looking forward to being an old man.

[2:12] Like, he literally just, that's all he wants.

[2:15] He wants to be at home with his family, being old.

[2:19] That's the definition of being an old man.

[2:21] Swinging a rake at someone who's fucked with his lawn.

[2:24] Yeah.

[2:24] I mean, he does not like slackers.

[2:26] I know that.

[2:27] Sure.

[2:27] To be a fact.

Stuart Wellington

[2:28] Does he have like an old, old timey corded telephone that he's all picked out to sit next

[2:33] to waiting for his kids to call and they never do?

Dan McCoy

[2:36] That's, you made it sad.

[2:38] Oh, okay.

[2:39] I feel like Elliot's going to have the sort of family where the kids call.

Stuart Wellington

[2:42] Yeah.

[2:43] Oh, they're going to call.

[2:43] That's why he wants to get home to his kids so he can build in that precious time.

Jordan Morris

[2:47] He needs to talk to his kids so he can badger them for slightly missaying something.

Stuart Wellington

[2:51] Sure.

[2:52] They love that.

Dan McCoy

[2:54] Thank you.

[2:55] Thank you, Jordan.

[2:56] Yeah.

[2:56] Thank you.

[2:57] Wow.

[2:57] Finally, someone has said it.

[3:00] People mispronounce things all the time.

[3:02] I don't know why I have to be fucking pilloried for it.

Stuart Wellington

[3:06] In case you can't tell, I'm a fan of the show and all of its tropes.

[3:09] Do we need to explain who Jordan is?

Dan McCoy

[3:11] Oh, that's what I was about to get to that.

Stuart Wellington

[3:13] He's one of the, you're one of the brothers from My Brother and Me, right?

Jordan Morris

[3:16] Yes, that's right.

[3:17] Those lovable, advice-giving podcast brothers.

[3:20] I'm the one you don't hear from a lot.

[3:22] Jordy McElroy.

[3:24] You're Gummo.

[3:25] Yes, I'm Gummo.

[3:26] I'm Shemp McElroy.

[3:28] What happens is I take a, I find lovable podcast trios and then replace one.

[3:32] Oh, great.

[3:34] I'm the Sammy Hagar of this.

Dan McCoy

[3:37] I can't think of another lovable podcast trio that you could pull this trick on.

[3:42] None of them exist, I'm sure.

[3:44] There's only two.

[3:45] Yeah.

[3:46] Duos are popular in podcasting.

[3:47] Trios, less so.

[3:48] Mm-hmm.

[3:50] So, no.

[3:50] Jordan is one half of Jordan Jesse Goh, which you could guess by the title of the show.

[3:58] And he's a writer for At Midnight.

[4:01] So, he's still in the Comedy Central late night family.

[4:05] Yeah.

[4:07] And he's on hiatus at the same time.

Jordan Morris

[4:09] So, you guys can have me on the show or someone who writes for South Park rerun.

Dan McCoy

[4:16] What do you write for the rerun?

[4:18] You just punch it up.

[4:20] So.

[4:21] We're the second airing.

[4:22] We gotta.

Stuart Wellington

[4:22] Now, correct me if I'm wrong, guys, but Jordan Jesse Goh is on the MaxFun Network.

Dan McCoy

[4:27] Oh, that's true.

[4:28] We're all on the same network, too.

Stuart Wellington

[4:29] Now, what's the MaxFun Network?

Dan McCoy

[4:34] See, normally I would think that you're promoting the show, but like with Stuart, he might actually

[4:39] not know.

[4:39] That's the other thing.

[4:42] Stuart, it's a podcasting network that we're a member of.

[4:45] Okay.

[4:46] You know, it's sort of like United Artists, but podcasting.

[4:50] Okay, cool.

[4:52] So, that's our show.

[4:53] Okay, see you later.

[4:55] Good night.

[4:56] Walking away.

[4:56] Walking away sounds.

[4:58] Walking away.

Jordan Morris

[4:59] Door slam.

[5:00] Car noise.

[5:01] Airplane going overhead.

Dan McCoy

[5:03] Bad us drinking post-show beers.

[5:05] Yeah.

[5:06] Other than the during-show beers that we're all having right now.

Stuart Wellington

[5:09] The post-show beers are far more delicious.

[5:12] Yeah.

[5:12] That's when you break out the good shit.

[5:14] Yeah, exactly.

Dan McCoy

[5:14] You know, it's like having a beer after you've gone out for a run.

[5:17] Yep.

[5:17] Like, you feel like you deserve it more.

[5:19] Mm-hmm.

[5:20] You know?

[5:21] Yeah.

[5:21] I like to run with the beer.

[5:23] I like to run and drink at the same time.

[5:25] That seems like the worst thing.

[5:26] Now, we had...

[5:27] Is this...

[5:28] All right, I'm going to ask a question about whether this is...

[5:30] Is it about the movie we watched tonight?

[5:32] No.

[5:32] Okay.

[5:33] We may never get to the movie.

[5:35] And the show will be better for it.

[5:37] Certainly at this rate.

[5:40] Now, you went...

[5:42] Stuart and I went to the same college.

[5:44] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[5:44] You went to the University of Santa Cruz.

[5:46] Yes.

[5:46] Which I know as a listener to Jordan Jesse Goh.

[5:49] Did you have the hash?

[5:50] Was that a thing at your school?

[5:52] The hash?

Jordan Morris

[5:53] No.

[5:54] Okay.

[5:54] I mean, there were lots of drugs around.

[5:57] Okay.

[5:57] Is that...

[5:58] It's not quite the same.

[5:59] Tell me...

Dan McCoy

[6:00] Yeah, tell me about the hash.

[6:01] I didn't know whether this was Earlham specific or other schools.

[6:05] I think other schools, but not...

Stuart Wellington

[6:07] It's also something that, like, the military...

[6:09] Like, I know people in the military that have done it.

Dan McCoy

[6:11] Right.

Stuart Wellington

[6:11] So this is where you run to drink beer at the...

[6:15] Yeah, it's an organized activity, usually in places where they don't have fraternities,

[6:19] if I'm correct, where they, like, some organizers take a bunch of kegs out into the woods

[6:25] or to a river or something, and then get everybody to run through the woods along a path

[6:30] to where the beer is, and then you have, like, rules about how you drink it, and if you...

[6:35] I never actually did, but I imagine if you do it enough times, you get a cool nickname.

Dan McCoy

[6:40] Yeah.

[6:40] Well, I mean, like, hearing about, like...

[6:41] Like, the vomiter.

[6:44] Diarrhea pants.

[6:45] Puke machine.

[6:46] Jordan's joke about running with beer reminded me of this, because I was just like, this sounds

[6:51] like the worst thing in the world to me.

[6:53] Like, have none of these people figured out that you can just drink beer in your dorm room

[6:58] without running to get it?

Stuart Wellington

[7:00] It's more of when somebody tells you how to drink it.

[7:02] Yeah.

[7:03] And you're tired.

Jordan Morris

[7:04] Santa Cruz's version of this is called First Rain.

[7:07] Okay.

[7:08] And the first time it rains during the school year, there is a, like, naked run around campus.

[7:13] I think there was a direct-to-DVD American Pie sequel based on this phenomenon.

[7:17] Oh, wow.

Stuart Wellington

[7:18] Was it just called, wait, First Rain?

[7:20] What was it?

Jordan Morris

[7:20] It's called, yeah.

[7:22] Hard Rain or something like that?

[7:23] American Pie.

[7:24] Here are some tits.

[7:25] Black Rain?

[7:26] Yeah, Black Rain.

[7:27] I think it was called...

[7:28] Some days a hard rain's gonna fall.

[7:30] Yeah.

[7:31] On some naked 19-year-olds on shrooms.

[7:36] And I...

[7:36] That's who's gonna shoot them all.

[7:37] Yeah.

[7:37] And it's a, it's a kind of a, it's the, you know, kind of freshman year initiation thing.

[7:41] Because, yeah, I think Santa Cruz also, you know, no proper frats, not a lot of organized

[7:44] sports.

[7:45] So it's, you know, light on traditions, but this is one of them.

[7:49] Yeah.

[7:49] And I didn't do it the first year because I had a long-distance girlfriend who told me she

[7:53] didn't want me to do it.

[7:54] Because I had a long penis.

Stuart Wellington

[7:55] I had a long penis.

[7:56] I didn't want to trip.

[7:57] Yeah.

[7:58] Yeah.

[7:58] I didn't want to get it, like, and, like, trapped in a fence or something.

Jordan Morris

[8:02] Yeah.

[8:02] I didn't want to make my, I didn't want to make my new, my new classmates feel self-conscious.

Dan McCoy

[8:07] I'm imagining, like, an Ub Iwerks-style, like, early black-and-white cartoon with a guy

[8:13] with a long penis, a nude guy running around and getting it, like, tied in, like, a bow

[8:18] on things.

[8:18] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[8:18] Wrapped around a tree and then, like, a whole bunch of other students trip on it.

Dan McCoy

[8:21] It's just caught in a steamboat wheel.

Jordan Morris

[8:24] Whoa!

[8:26] So, yeah, I didn't do it, and I still kick myself for it.

[8:28] I feel like I wish I had done more, like, outrageous college shit, but I think I was a little timid.

Stuart Wellington

[8:33] You know, people might think I'm weird for saying this, but I don't think it would be strange

[8:37] for you to go back and just run with those freshmen.

Jordan Morris

[8:40] Like, hey, guys, I'm 33 and I used to come here.

[8:43] Oh, that's right.

[8:43] I had to do this, right?

[8:44] It's cool.

[8:44] I used to be on the improv team, so I'm sure you've heard of me.

[8:47] I'm sure people still talk about exploits of my improv group.

Stuart Wellington

[8:51] What was it, Mixed Nuts?

[8:51] What was your improv group?

[8:52] Oh, we were called...

Dan McCoy

[8:53] Fake improv group from the Daily Show.

Jordan Morris

[8:56] That was it.

[8:57] It might as well have been.

[8:58] It was called Humor Force 5.

[8:59] Okay.

[9:00] Which sucks.

Dan McCoy

[9:01] We didn't...

[9:02] I mean, we were...

Jordan Morris

[9:02] Was the With Sucks part of the name, or did you just add that?

[9:05] I added that because I'm embarrassed of the name.

[9:07] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[9:08] Well, my improv troupe that I started in college, because there was not one before I was there,

[9:15] was called Stop Laughing.

[9:17] So there's no way to have a...

[9:19] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[9:20] Name for a troupe.

[9:21] Right.

[9:21] They're all bad.

[9:23] Anyway, so that's been College Tales, which is the traditional...

[9:27] Sounds like a porno.

[9:29] Sounds like a porno.

[9:30] Every episode, we do college stories at the beginning, as long-time listeners know.

[9:34] But now we get on to the meat of the show, which is we watched a bad movie, and now we

[9:39] talk about it.

[9:40] And tonight we watched a movie from the Lucasfilm folks.

Stuart Wellington

[9:46] Oh, just hearing that makes you so excited, right?

[9:48] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[9:49] Called Strange Magic, which is a CGI animated film about a bunch of fairy folk, and it's

[9:57] got songs from the 50s or 60s up until today.

[10:04] It's what they call a jukebox musical, which is when you have a musical made up of songs

[10:09] that were pre-existing.

[10:10] Although, usually a jukebox musical either is a musical with songs all written by the same

[10:17] songwriting team.

[10:18] Like a Mamma Mia?

[10:19] Well, no.

[10:20] Yeah, like a Mamma Mia.

[10:21] I actually got it right.

[10:22] Yeah, no, you're right.

[10:23] ABBA, that's all the same team.

[10:25] I was going to go with something like Singing in the Rain, which I forget the team, but those

[10:31] were all written by the same people.

[10:32] Or like Crazy for You, it's all Gershwin songs.

[10:35] Or it's like Rock of Ages, where it's all the same genre.

Jordan Morris

[10:38] Yeah, this was an incoherent mishmash with no apparent theme.

[10:42] This is just, yeah.

[10:43] Yeah, it seemed to be like...

[10:44] The Jack Radio.

[10:46] Yeah, we're singing what we want.

[10:49] Yeah, it seemed...

[10:50] I mean, I can see the brainstorming meeting for this movie going like, well, we want to

[10:53] have songs.

[10:55] We want to have songs, so we'll do some stuff.

[10:57] Some oldies the parents will remember.

[11:00] You know.

[11:01] Get them out on the day's floor.

[11:02] Love is Strange.

[11:03] Sugar Pie, Honey Bun.

[11:05] I don't know if that's the actual name of the song.

[11:07] That's the refrain.

[11:09] But then they had some, you know, there's some Beyonce and some, I don't know, Drake thrown

[11:14] in for the kids.

[11:15] I recognize them as popular songs.

Dan McCoy

[11:17] It's not...

[11:18] I don't think anything is super new.

[11:20] I think the Beyonce song was the newest.

[11:23] Yeah.

[11:23] And that was like, that was Crazy in Love, so that's an older song.

Stuart Wellington

[11:27] What about that, What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger?

Dan McCoy

[11:30] That's true.

[11:31] I hear that in the deli, so...

[11:32] It's a little newer than that, but I don't think any of them is up to the minute.

[11:37] Yeah, I'm sure in the, you know, five years it took to make this movie.

[11:40] Well, that's the thing, yeah.

[11:41] It's a CGI movie.

[11:42] Probably there's no way of doing anything newer.

[11:45] And a low-budget CGI movie.

Stuart Wellington

[11:46] I don't know about that.

Dan McCoy

[11:48] It's a Lucasfilm production, and it seems to have been a labor of love for him.

[11:53] But, look, Ellie's not here.

[11:55] He usually sums things up.

[11:57] You want to do it?

[11:57] I don't think I can.

[11:59] I think between us, we could probably tag team it.

Jordan Morris

[12:02] Okay.

[12:02] It shouldn't fall all on one person's shores.

Stuart Wellington

[12:04] So, Lucasfilm logo.

[12:07] Yeah.

[12:07] We all get immediate boners for some reason.

[12:10] We're excited that maybe Dan accidentally put on Star Wars.

[12:15] Cut to a shot of a dude unrolling a map, and our boners go away.

[12:21] And the map shows.

Jordan Morris

[12:22] Because we were all sexually abused by maps as children.

[12:28] By cartographers.

Dan McCoy

[12:30] Yeah, the map unrolls and we see.

[12:32] A sex tent also was where they put the sex tent inside us.

[12:39] Oh, a sex tent?

[12:40] I was there at Burning Man.

Jordan Morris

[12:44] So, yeah.

[12:45] It's a map of a magical kingdom, and the map is divided into two halves.

[12:50] There's the fairy kingdom.

[12:52] Little on the nose.

[12:53] Yeah, yeah.

[12:54] Which is light and pastel colored.

[12:55] And then there's the dark forest, which is evil looking.

Stuart Wellington

[12:59] Yeah.

[13:00] Kind of bland for an unknown world type map.

Dan McCoy

[13:03] And they're, so, like, these things are divided, these areas are divided by, like, a bunch of primrose flowers, I guess.

[13:10] Which are key ingredients in love potions, which are important in this movie.

[13:17] And I say that I predicted that at some point love potion number nine would be sung.

[13:22] It was not, it was the only time that a non-on-the-nose choice was not made in this movie.

Stuart Wellington

[13:28] And your wager, the cost of your wager is your soul, Dan McCoy.

[13:32] No, Ruffle Stiltskin, I didn't recognize you.

Jordan Morris

[13:36] Disguised as Stuart this whole time.

Stuart Wellington

[13:38] I've been playing the long game.

Dan McCoy

[13:42] But, no, there's literally, like, a part where, for instance, a woman talks about how she's worried,

[13:47] and then one of the other characters starts singing,

[13:49] Don't worry about a thing.

Stuart Wellington

[13:52] Don't you know that every little thing's gonna be all right.

[13:56] They're like, this song's so cheap, we might as well fucking use it.

Jordan Morris

[13:59] Yeah, they just went to a, we went to a, a rights goodwill.

[14:04] That's right.

[14:05] They went to Bob Marley's R Us.

[14:07] Yeah.

[14:08] Fire sale or one of those, like, police auctions.

[14:11] I think it's important to say that all of these songs, which on their own could be fun to listen to,

[14:16] are rendered unfun because they are backed and arranged by what I can only imagine is the house band of a Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville.

[14:27] Like, a, a, just a white uncle in sandals filter is placed on all of these songs.

[14:33] So, any, like, pleasure you would just derive from hearing, like, a good song is taken away because it's the cheesiest possible arrangement of it.

Dan McCoy

[14:42] Or they do the thing where, like, oh, I like this song in its normal tempo, let's slow it down to ballad.

[14:47] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[14:49] Which works when you're watching Sons of Anarchy and they do that as, like, a music montage, like, seven times every episode.

[14:56] While people are getting beat up or something?

[14:58] I don't know what happened.

Dan McCoy

[14:59] Probably murdered, I don't remember.

[15:00] Yeah.

[15:01] Okay.

[15:01] So, but the movie starts with our heroine is, she's in love with love.

[15:08] She's singing, I can't help falling in love with you, which is mashed up with crazy in love.

Jordan Morris

[15:14] And you know she's, and you know her life is good because she has that cartoon character affectation of just randomly laughing as she moves about the world.

[15:24] Like, like, if that was her in the real world, she'd be an insane person just giggling as she bounds around.

[15:31] But yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[15:31] It's like Sandra Bullock in that movie where she plays a crazy person.

Jordan Morris

[15:35] Wait.

[15:35] All About Steve?

[15:36] All About Steve was in?

[15:37] Whoa, you were in that?

[15:38] Oh, I'm totally in that.

[15:39] Yeah.

[15:40] I'm in the, I have a couple of lines in the protest scene.

Stuart Wellington

[15:42] Well, then you were in a movie that is a perfect example of a character in the real life just giggling.

Jordan Morris

[15:47] Yeah.

[15:47] No, exactly.

[15:48] Of a character that is, like, supposed to be, like, oh, people will think this is cute.

[15:52] But if you encountered that character in the real world, it's like, oh, this is an insane person.

[15:57] Okay.

[15:58] Did I just make this awkward for me?

[15:59] No, no.

[15:59] Oh, no.

[16:00] I'm well aware that All About Steve sucks.

[16:02] I mean, when I got the part, they, like, mailed me a copy of the script, and I read it, and

[16:07] I'm like, this is fucking insane.

[16:09] Like, is this a movie?

[16:10] Like, and I am well aware of the place that All About Steve occupies in the cultural imagination.

Dan McCoy

[16:16] How are those All About Steve residuals, though?

[16:17] Still coming.

Jordan Morris

[16:18] Yeah.

[16:18] I will get a check for, like, 15 bucks every now and then because people buy it on iTunes,

[16:22] I guess.

[16:23] Yeah, there you go.

Stuart Wellington

[16:23] And, like, Sandra Bullock.

[16:24] I loved her in the sidebar.

[16:27] What was the movie she was in?

[16:29] Sidebar?

[16:29] Sidecar?

[16:31] Sidecar?

[16:32] What's the movie with Aaron, the football guy?

[16:34] The Net?

Dan McCoy

[16:35] The Blind Side?

[16:36] Speed.

[16:37] The Blind Side.

[16:38] Yeah.

[16:38] Thank you.

[16:39] At first, when you said sidebar, I was like, Aaron Brockovich?

[16:43] That'd be crazy, man.

[16:44] Throwing out legal terms?

Jordan Morris

[16:46] Yeah.

[16:46] If you guys want to go out for some All About Steve hot wings later, I'm paying.

[16:51] That's, like, what my residuals pay for.

[16:53] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[16:54] Do not order any drinks.

Stuart Wellington

[16:55] Pay for some All About Steve branded hot wings.

Dan McCoy

[16:59] Yeah.

[17:01] So, yeah, she's a princess, which you know because, like, all the peasants, like, come

[17:05] out and wave to her as she flies around.

[17:07] And she's going to marry a very handsome fairy, I guess.

[17:12] I don't know.

[17:12] They all look, like, as we were saying during it.

Stuart Wellington

[17:15] Dan, it's okay to admit that a man's handsome.

[17:17] That's not that.

[17:18] I'm not going to judge you.

Jordan Morris

[17:19] That's not it.

[17:20] It was that, uh...

[17:21] He's the anti-map in that he gave me a boner as opposed to extinguishing my boner like

Dan McCoy

[17:26] those damn maps.

[17:28] As we were saying, all these characters look like they are, like, erotic fan art that someone

[17:35] on the internet has drawn of a fairy.

[17:37] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Jordan Morris

[17:38] You know, like, when you go to a Comic-Con or something like that, like, way in the back

[17:42] there will be a guy at a card table wearing overalls and a floppy hat and he's just drawing

[17:47] fucking fairies with huge tits and giant cocks.

[17:51] Like, this is what those characters look like.

Stuart Wellington

[17:53] And you'd see that guy from afar and be like, you should be drawing Pogo-esque characters.

Jordan Morris

[17:58] Not monsters.

[18:00] Yeah, this seems like that guy did all of the character design for this because they

[18:04] are upsettingly shiny and sexual.

Stuart Wellington

[18:07] Yeah, it's like the animators were like, man, DeviantArt's going to have a field day with

[18:11] this shit.

Dan McCoy

[18:12] High five.

[18:13] High five.

Dan McCoy

[18:13] I like the idea that anyone makes a movie just as, like, pre-DeviantArt.

[18:16] Yeah.

[18:19] But, uh...

Jordan Morris

[18:20] Yeah, little did they know for DeviantArt to take to it, the movie has to be popular and

[18:24] watchable.

[18:26] Oh, exactly.

[18:26] Sorry, perverts.

[18:27] Just keep drawing Sonic peeing on Pikachu.

Dan McCoy

[18:30] Why is there so much Sonic porn?

[18:34] Like, of all the things.

[18:35] We've talked about this.

[18:36] Yeah, I don't know.

[18:36] It's because he's great.

Jordan Morris

[18:38] It's because he's so great and people want to see him turned into a toilet.

[18:42] We want to see him fucking tails.

Stuart Wellington

[18:44] Yeah, I love all the ones where Sonic is the pregnant one, though.

Jordan Morris

[18:47] That's the thing that's crazy.

[18:48] Why is he pregnant?

[18:50] Because Knuckles gave it to him in the butt.

[18:52] It's a junior situation.

[18:54] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[18:57] Yeah.

[18:57] That's what he's doing with all those rings, man.

[18:59] I'm paying for that.

Dan McCoy

[19:00] So we're, like, five minutes in the movie at most.

Stuart Wellington

[19:03] So the movie opens with this princess flying around and giggling to herself, and it's done

[19:07] in that style where she's flying, but the camera is, like, so tight on her that you don't really

[19:12] get any sense of gravity or geography or...

[19:16] And it's like Miyazaki's nightmare where you have no idea what, like, the joy of flight actually

[19:22] is.

[19:24] And then it just moves along to her, I guess, falling in love with this guy and then finding

[19:29] out he's cheating on her.

Jordan Morris

[19:30] Yeah.

[19:31] Yeah.

[19:32] So she is betrothed to a jerky prince fairy who is kind of a preening Gaston type.

[19:39] Yeah.

[19:40] We kind of know he's a jerk from the get-go.

[19:42] And then she is flying around making him some sort of wedding corsage and then sees him

[19:50] kissing a just faceless other fairy.

Stuart Wellington

[19:53] Random.

[19:54] Could be a dude fairy.

[19:55] Yeah, we don't know everyone has short hair, so...

Dan McCoy

[19:58] So, yeah, so that happens, and so she calls off the wedding.

[20:02] The guy tries to win her back, and she sings, I don't know, what doesn't kill you make you

[20:09] stronger, I guess.

Stuart Wellington

[20:10] And she puts on her armor, too.

Jordan Morris

[20:12] Yeah.

[20:12] Yeah, there's a getting ready montage where she is singing about how she's heartbroken

[20:18] while her kind of her slave class of pixies is putting on a new outfit.

Dan McCoy

[20:24] And meanwhile, her little sister is still in love with love.

[20:28] She's excited about, I don't know, whatever.

[20:32] There's a bunch of dances.

[20:33] This fairy kingdom has like a dance every couple hours.

[20:38] And so at one of these balls, the evil prince convinces this little gnome creature to go get

[20:48] the ingredients for a love potion so he can re-win the woman.

Stuart Wellington

[20:54] Yeah, this like troll doll little guy.

Dan McCoy

[20:56] Yeah, but he convinces it, the troll doll guy, to do it, I guess, so he can make the younger

[21:02] princess in love with him.

[21:04] Okay.

[21:04] Which is kind of creepy.

Jordan Morris

[21:05] Yeah, the gnome guy is in a kind of friend zone relationship with the other princess.

[21:12] For a while, we think he's the male lead.

Stuart Wellington

[21:14] Yeah.

[21:15] And yet, like, his goal is to basically find some kind of magical roofie to get.

[21:21] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[21:22] So, yeah, we were a little baffled by him being cast in the hero role for a while.

[21:28] But he's got overalls on, so.

[21:31] Yeah, he's very non-threatening.

[21:32] So you like him, too.

Stuart Wellington

[21:34] Yeah, he's cool.

Dan McCoy

[21:37] Yeah, I don't know.

[21:38] Well, he goes on a quest.

[21:39] He's getting the ingredients.

[21:41] He runs into the Blue Fairy, played by Kristen Chinoweth, who sometimes looks like.

[21:45] But he has to go to, like, the evil place.

[21:47] Yeah, he has to go into the Dark Kingdom.

Jordan Morris

[21:49] There's a Blue Fairy that Stuart said a few times looks like she's made of jizz.

[21:55] Yeah.

[21:55] She looks like a magic sperm.

Dan McCoy

[21:57] She's in her, like, normal, like, Blue Fairy guys.

[22:01] Yeah, she looks like a magic sperm.

[22:02] But she also switches into, like, a weird, like, kind of opossum-looking creature sometimes.

Stuart Wellington

[22:09] Wait, she's the same thing?

Dan McCoy

[22:10] Yeah.

[22:10] No, those are the same.

[22:12] She's like a shapeshifter.

[22:13] Okay.

[22:14] So it's like a little opossum mouse, basically.

Jordan Morris

[22:16] Wait, she was also the opossum?

Dan McCoy

[22:19] I believe so.

[22:20] Oh, boy.

[22:20] I missed that.

Stuart Wellington

[22:21] I would say let's check the tape, but I never want to see that again.

Jordan Morris

[22:24] Yeah, boy.

[22:25] This movie had a weird quality of being, like, the most simple, like, fucking, you know, basic-ass George Lucas story.

[22:35] Yeah, he's like, I'm going to take a little taming of the shrew.

[22:38] I'll take a little.

[22:39] Yeah.

[22:39] But also impossible to follow.

[22:41] Like, I was so, I mean, boredom was probably part of it, like, not wanting to follow it.

[22:44] But also, its hackness was only exceeded by its confusingness.

Stuart Wellington

[22:51] And it's one thing to both take a, like, a hack premise, but then also to throw in, like, super cliched songs and music cues that it's, like, piling crap on top of crap.

[23:03] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[23:04] Yeah, this wanted to be, like, Moulin Rouge meets, like, Midsummer Night's Dream.

[23:10] But it was just, like, this, like, weird frenetic mishmash of just nonsense stuff from all kinds of genres.

Stuart Wellington

[23:18] So at this point, then, like, the love potion gets made, and then the whole point, like, everybody's trying to get a hold of this love potion.

[23:26] The Bog King, this tragic figure.

[23:29] Sure, yeah.

[23:30] Voiced by Alan coming.

[23:31] Voiced by Alan coming.

Jordan Morris

[23:31] Yeah, the Bog King is the villain for a good portion of the thing, and he is a very just cliche evil guy who sings.

[23:40] Who sings, who says that I am evil in a song, and he wants to eradicate love.

Stuart Wellington

[23:44] Despite the protests of his Jewish mother, I guess.

Jordan Morris

[23:48] Yeah, he has a frog that's his mom, and she has a Jewish affectation.

[23:53] Yeah.

[23:55] All mothers are Jewish.

[23:56] I guess.

[23:57] And that's the rule.

Stuart Wellington

[23:58] I can't decide if this movie seems like.

[23:59] And all fathers are George Lucas, according to this movie.

Jordan Morris

[24:02] I can't decide if this movie seems like it was written by a child or, like, a 50-year-old drama teacher.

[24:09] Like, it's one of the two.

Dan McCoy

[24:13] Like, it's a collaboration between a five-year-old and the worst writer on your show of shows.

[24:20] Right.

Stuart Wellington

[24:21] Yeah, they're like, what songs does Billy dance to when we put on Pandora?

[24:25] We're putting those in the movie.

Dan McCoy

[24:27] I mean, and I did, like, I asked you guys at one point in the movie, like, if we were 12-year-old girls, would this be the most awesome thing in the world?

[24:34] And it's possible.

[24:35] You know?

[24:36] Like, we are certainly not the target audience.

[24:38] Sure.

[24:39] Of this movie.

Stuart Wellington

[24:39] And I can't imagine what it would be like to be a 12-year-old girl, so.

[24:43] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[24:44] There's probably a lot of ponies.

[24:46] Sure.

Jordan Morris

[24:47] Stickers, I imagine, come into it at a certain point.

[24:49] Like puppy stickers.

[24:50] Bieber.

[24:51] Mm-hmm.

[24:52] Backpack adornments.

Dan McCoy

[24:54] Like a pink cell phone, maybe?

[24:55] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[24:56] Oh, cell phones, certainly.

[24:57] Mm-hmm.

Jordan Morris

[24:57] But, yeah, boy, the characters just talk about love all the time.

[25:01] Uh-huh.

[25:01] So, I guess.

[25:02] The big news in the kingdom.

[25:03] Yeah, I guess.

[25:04] The fifth element, dude.

[25:05] Yeah, spoilers.

[25:06] The strange magic turns out to be love, like, as does the fifth element.

[25:12] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[25:12] Mm-hmm.

[25:13] So, the Bog King, fuck, what happens at this point?

[25:16] Somebody gets a hold of the.

Dan McCoy

[25:18] The potion accidentally goes on top of, goes on top of, gets splashed all over the younger.

[25:26] Technically on top of.

[25:27] Yeah, sure.

[25:28] On top of her skin.

[25:29] And she falls in love with the Bog King.

[25:33] And so, she's going off with him.

[25:36] Like, the older princess thinks that she's been kidnapped, so she goes to find him.

[25:43] And then, like, she discovers what happens and the fact that, like, the younger sister wants to be there.

[25:50] And so, they go looking for some kind of antidote to this.

Stuart Wellington

[25:57] Or an anecdote, which is a mispronunciation you made.

[26:00] And then, they made that joke in the movie.

[26:02] It was crazy.

Dan McCoy

[26:03] Yeah.

[26:03] They're taking notes from our podcast.

[26:06] Yeah.

[26:07] They're like, people saying the wrong thing is funny.

Jordan Morris

[26:10] Let's do that.

[26:11] Yeah.

Jordan Morris

[26:11] What if someone slightly missaid something?

[26:13] Yeah, boy.

[26:14] And there's a lot of, I think we talked about this.

[26:16] There's an old Patton Oswalt anecdote about him being hired to punch up an already written animated movie.

[26:23] And the only way to do that is to have the characters say things off screen.

[26:27] And there is a shit ton of that in this movie.

[26:29] There is definitely, like, there's these two henchmen characters who I guess we are meant to think are funny.

Stuart Wellington

[26:35] And one of them is voiced by Peter Stromer.

[26:38] And I'm assuming the other one is by Super Dave.

Dan McCoy

[26:41] Oh, yeah.

[26:42] Yeah.

[26:42] Bob Einstein is in this as some characters.

[26:45] So, that must be Super Dave must be that guy.

Stuart Wellington

[26:47] Yeah.

[26:47] So, it's probably just the two of them shouting stuff.

Jordan Morris

[26:50] Yeah.

[26:50] And there's just a moment where them off screen, someone gets a boutonniere.

[26:53] And someone's like, is it boutonniere or buttoneere?

[26:56] Mm-hmm.

[26:57] Really emphasizing the butt part of it.

[26:59] So, yeah.

[26:59] That's just the kind of.

[27:00] Wait.

[27:00] Is the joke butt in ear?

Dan McCoy

[27:02] Oh, it might be butt in ear.

[27:04] I don't know what that gag is otherwise.

Jordan Morris

[27:07] Yeah.

[27:07] I think it's just an excuse to say butt.

[27:09] I think, yeah, at some point someone realized that this family comedy did not contain any comedy and just had these two little guys yell weird things.

[27:19] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[27:20] So, I mean, we learn the tragic backstory of the Bog King because the Sugar Plum Fairy, in the course of explaining how to undo this magic, says, oh, the Bog King used to be in love with this woman.

[27:33] He made the potion to give to her.

Stuart Wellington

[27:36] I mean, a woman.

[27:37] I think you're being a little charitable.

[27:39] Well, it's a frog lady.

Dan McCoy

[27:40] Yeah.

[27:41] But the frog lady did not fall in love with him because she was in love with someone else.

[27:46] And the only antidote to this potion is true love, is loving somebody else.

[27:53] Just like in real life, dude.

[27:55] Yeah.

[27:55] Yeah, the only antidote to a roofie is to fall in love.

[28:00] So, we learn at this point that the Bog King is not so much a villain as a tragic figure.

[28:06] And he and the older sister start to fall in love, which is, you know, kind of interesting.

Jordan Morris

[28:11] Yeah, I think that's a time when the movie kind of surprised me is that this guy is such a, you know, crazy cartoon of a cartoon villain.

[28:18] And, you know, they do give him a little depth.

[28:21] And, you know, the princess doesn't.

[28:24] You know, I was also expecting a moment where the Bog King, you know, gets...

[28:28] Transformed.

[28:29] ...douched with some other kind of potion that makes him handsome.

[28:32] Yeah, sure.

[28:32] And that does not happen, so...

Stuart Wellington

[28:34] Like, the thing is, in Beauty and the Beast, the cartoon, of course.

[28:37] Sure.

[28:37] The Beast before he gets douched.

[28:39] Not the historic event.

Jordan Morris

[28:43] Not the real news item that happened.

Stuart Wellington

[28:45] Yeah, that happened during the Napoleonic Wars.

Dan McCoy

[28:47] Before the Beast gets douched when he's still a beast, he's way more, like, I'd sleep with that one.

[28:52] Everyone can agree that the Beast is handsomer than, like, weird Blondo.

Stuart Wellington

[28:58] And definitely more handsome than the Bog King.

Dan McCoy

[29:01] Yeah.

[29:02] But, yeah, both of the princesses end up with kind of unappealing-looking dudes at the end of this movie, which is kind of nice.

Stuart Wellington

[29:09] Depends on whether or not you like a troll doll that has a little bit of reggae flavor.

Dan McCoy

[29:14] Yeah.

[29:15] Ladies, write in.

[29:15] Tell us whether you'd sleep with a reggae troll doll.

Jordan Morris

[29:18] Yeah, who's more attractive, a reggae troll doll or a stereotypical Jewish-looking insect man?

Dan McCoy

[29:27] Yeah, whose skin kind of looks like the bark of a tree.

Jordan Morris

[29:31] Yeah.

[29:32] Yeah, hit us up on Twitter, ladies.

[29:35] And fellas, if you're a fella who likes fellas.

Dan McCoy

[29:37] Yeah, sure.

[29:39] We do not discriminate when it comes to bog kings and troll men.

[29:43] Yeah.

[29:45] But anyway, no, so that all goes down.

[29:49] There's a big, crazy action ending where the troll guy de-potion-fies the younger sister by the power of true love.

[30:01] Uh-huh.

[30:02] The douche prince tries to spray a love potion all over the older sister.

[30:10] And for a second it looks like she's been enchanted, but it's all a trick.

[30:16] She punches him because she's really in love with the bog king.

[30:21] And I don't know, some song gets sung.

Stuart Wellington

[30:23] And the bog king's palace gets destroyed.

[30:25] We think the bog king dies.

[30:27] He doesn't die.

[30:28] He climbs out of the skeleton jaws that smashed him.

Jordan Morris

[30:31] Yeah, he has a slightly hurt arm.

[30:35] Yeah, but it does seem like the douche prince dies.

[30:38] It does seem like he is pushed off a cliff.

[30:40] I mean, I think we don't hear him go, I'm okay.

[30:43] After that.

Stuart Wellington

[30:43] Yeah, I mean, there might be an after credits bit where he's like, I'll come back and kill you guys.

Jordan Morris

[30:48] In the sequel that everyone wants to see.

Stuart Wellington

[30:52] Stranger magic.

[30:54] Or strange days, right?

[30:56] Strange days.

Jordan Morris

[30:57] Oh, is Strange Days a sequel to this?

[30:59] Yeah, I think it's a sequel.

[30:59] Okay.

[31:00] In the strange days of hers.

Dan McCoy

[31:03] Yeah, I know that is a thing that happens, I feel like, in these cartoon kids movies is the villains will often die horribly.

[31:13] And no one seems to have a problem with that.

[31:15] Like, it'll all be G-rated except for, yeah, someone will die.

[31:19] Yeah, the villain plummeting off something.

[31:21] All right, well, that's more cool with that, I guess.

[31:23] Getting impaled, yeah.

[31:26] Justice is served.

Stuart Wellington

[31:28] What goes around comes around.

Dan McCoy

[31:30] Heroes just murder a guy?

Jordan Morris

[31:32] The wicked will receive their punishment.

[31:36] Yeah, you know, it is, you know, to talk about the politics of this profoundly stupid movie is interesting because it does, like, have a little bit of a progressive bent in it in that, you know, the princesses fall in love with kind of unlikely, you know, unlikely men.

[31:53] And I think one of the kind of funny, fun to watch scenes is when they're, you know, this little opossum character that may or may not be the blue fairy in disguise is going around just spreading love potion everywhere.

[32:07] And then there's, like, a frog falls in love with a toadstool.

[32:10] And a, you know, dragonfly falls in love with a snake.

[32:15] And a lizard falls in love with the troll doll guy.

[32:19] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[32:19] Which that lizard's going to be fucking heartbroken, dude.

[32:22] Yeah.

[32:22] When it realizes the troll guy is going to be with the princess.

[32:25] I know.

Jordan Morris

[32:26] There's no way the king is going to allow that.

[32:30] Yeah.

[32:30] I wonder what the, how progressive their marriage laws are.

[32:33] But there is a scene with all this, like, you know, you know, fall in love with who you fall in love with message that they have.

[32:39] There is a scene where two male characters accidentally kiss and go, like, oh, gross.

[32:45] And it's, like, oh, okay.

[32:47] Like, frog fucking is fine.

[32:49] But men don't kiss other men.

[32:51] That's gross.

Dan McCoy

[32:55] Women, Lisa.

[32:56] Men fall in love with men.

[32:58] Boys gets girls.

[33:01] What a weird Gore Vidal reference that one was.

[33:03] Yeah.

[33:05] Yeah.

[33:06] I don't know what to say about this movie.

[33:09] It was very frenetic.

[33:11] There were a lot of terrible songs.

Stuart Wellington

[33:13] Yep.

[33:14] Well, there were a lot of songs that I guess you probably wouldn't mind if you heard them, but sounded terrible in the context.

Dan McCoy

[33:20] Oh, the songs themselves were mostly good songs.

Stuart Wellington

[33:22] What about, what were they dancing to?

[33:25] Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds or something?

[33:26] And then it got all kaleidoscopy at the end?

Dan McCoy

[33:29] Yeah, I don't think they licensed a Beatles song for this.

[33:32] I think it was Wild Thing at the end.

[33:34] Oh, it was Wild Thing.

[33:35] Okay.

[33:37] I thought the character designs, by and large, of the heroes were terrible.

[33:42] If you see a CGI cartoon that's a fantasy movie, all of the hero characters are always these weird Hallmark card versions of fantasy bullshit.

[33:58] And I didn't like that at all.

[33:59] But some of the crazy creatures look cool.

Stuart Wellington

[34:02] See, the sad thing is every time I see a relatively cheap fantasy animated movie, in my head I'm always like, there's no way the armor would look like that.

[34:13] Like, that's unrealistic completely.

[34:15] They wouldn't wear that to a dance.

[34:17] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[34:18] I don't know if you're aware of this, Jordan, but Stuart's a bit of a nerd.

Stuart Wellington

[34:21] Really?

[34:22] Yeah, I'm a nerd on a podcast.

[34:24] I thought you were a cool dude.

[34:26] I can also be a cool dude amongst the nerds, of course.

[34:30] You're the king of the nerds.

[34:31] I'm the coolest kid.

[34:32] I'm the coolest kid.

[34:33] I can't.

[34:34] Yeah.

[34:34] That's a TV show, Dan.

[34:35] You can't make that reference.

[34:36] What?

[34:37] I'm still in talks to be on that king of the nerds TV show.

[34:40] Oh, okay.

Jordan Morris

[34:42] But yeah, I mean, I think it's a Lucas production, so there is some cool design.

[34:49] I think, yeah, some of the bad guys do look neat.

[34:53] Boy, yeah, really struggling to say something nice about this.

Dan McCoy

[34:56] Well, yeah, we should probably get into Final Judgments about whether this is a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie, or a movie we kind of like.

Stuart Wellington

[35:03] Final Judgments.

Dan McCoy

[35:06] I'm going to say that for me, this sort of falls a little outside the normal things.

[35:10] I'd say, like, overall, it's a bad, bad movie because I didn't enjoy watching it.

[35:16] But it comes a little close to good, bad in that it is a baffling thing to watch.

[35:22] Like, it's an experience to watch it.

[35:23] It's a misbegotten film.

[35:27] It's a totally, like, stupid idea.

[35:29] Like, none of the pieces fit together.

[35:32] Like, this idea of making this, like, weird fairy love story CGI animated thing with all these pop songs stuck in it.

[35:43] It's just crazy that they thought this was a good idea for a film.

Stuart Wellington

[35:47] I feel like if it was just a little bit cheaper or a little bit, like, creepily designed, like, a little more creepily designed, I would say it's a good, bad movie.

[35:57] But I think it's just bad.

[35:59] Like, it's not, it's not, there's nothing quite crazy enough for me to say, go out and watch this when there's food fight for you to go out and watch instead.

Jordan Morris

[36:08] Yeah, this doesn't, this doesn't, like, it doesn't, like something, a food fight that I guess I have not seen but only know of it from your guys' podcast about it.

[36:18] Like, it doesn't seem like this was done by, you know, amateurs.

[36:21] It's not like a room or something like that where it's like, oh, this was someone who tried to make a movie who didn't know how.

[36:27] Like, this is clearly done by talented people who just decided not to do a second draft of anything.

[36:33] You know, it seems like it, you know, when you get to be a Lucas or a Woody Allen or something, just, you get to be a point where no one tells you no.

[36:40] And, like, let's do another pass on that or this is not the best idea.

[36:43] Like, it just seems like it's a, you know, megalomaniacs jack-off session.

[36:49] And that is meant to be a kid's movie.

[36:53] So, yeah, I think I am saying bad, bad.

[36:56] I had one genuine laugh where there was a party sequence and the reggae troll doll stole someone's ice cream cone.

[37:02] Just a random extra.

[37:03] He just took his ice cream cone and that just random character started to cry.

[37:08] That, for some reason, struck me as actually funny, but I think I was just groping for something to enjoy.

[37:14] You were punch drunk at that point.

[37:17] So, yeah, I am also saying bad, bad movie without, yeah, no reason to explore this, even if you are a Lucasophile or something like that.

Stuart Wellington

[37:31] That's a terrible thing to have to admit.

Dan McCoy

[37:33] Yeah.

[37:35] Now what do we do, Dan?

[37:36] We do letters.

[37:37] Letters from listeners.

[37:38] Oh, wow.

Stuart Wellington

[37:40] But Elliot's not here to sing a letters song.

Dan McCoy

[37:42] It's the letters part.

[37:45] All right, yeah.

[37:46] How was that?

[37:47] Was that as good as Elliot does?

[37:48] No, it's, uh, I would say it was tight.

[37:51] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[37:52] When I read those letters, my panties get wetter.

[37:57] Wait.

[37:58] I don't like this.

[38:00] Oh, I like this saucy new letters song.

[38:02] Shiny white paper.

[38:03] I don't like the way that Stuart's staring at me.

[38:05] Big old bag of letters.

Jordan Morris

[38:07] My day couldn't get better.

[38:09] Hopefully they're not groaners.

[38:11] So then we all get boners.

[38:15] Perfect.

[38:15] Okay.

[38:16] It was our time to shine.

Dan McCoy

[38:18] I think we did great.

[38:19] Yeah.

[38:20] Super erotic.

[38:21] Anyway.

[38:22] So this, uh, letter is from Scott who writes, Stuart.

[38:28] Hey.

[38:30] Scott can't hear you.

Stuart Wellington

[38:31] What's up?

[38:32] Oh boy.

[38:34] Scott, are you there?

[38:35] What's going on?

Dan McCoy

[38:36] He doesn't understand.

[38:37] Do you still not know how letters work?

[38:39] Is that, uh, you guys have been doing this long enough.

[38:41] He says, Stuart, can you speak, can you speak the rest of the episode in German?

[38:47] Danke, Scott.

Stuart Wellington

[38:49] Uh, nee, ich kann nur ein kleines bisschen Deutsch sprechen.

[38:53] Uh, ich hab so viel vergessen.

Dan McCoy

[38:56] Uh, so, I hope that meant something.

Stuart Wellington

[39:00] So there.

[39:01] Where do you, where did you learn German?

[39:02] In Germany.

[39:03] Okay.

[39:04] I spent a semester, I spent like six months over there and I took a couple years.

[39:09] Uh, it's not a particularly exciting story.

[39:11] And then I worked in a German beer hall for a few years.

[39:13] Oh.

[39:13] And you, people wanted to order in German?

[39:16] Uh, no, I mainly use it to correct people's pronunciation like a jerk.

Jordan Morris

[39:21] Oh, great.

[39:21] Awesome.

[39:22] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[39:23] World needs more of those.

[39:23] Every once in a while, I'd have a guy come up and try and order something in German.

[39:27] And there was a guy who insisted only in speaking German to the waitress.

[39:30] And the waitress would, uh, usually just direct them to me.

[39:35] And I would start talking to the guy.

[39:36] And a couple of times I'm like, this guy isn't even German.

[39:39] His pronunciation is terrible.

[39:41] Why is he insisting on speaking German to me?

[39:44] It's quite a story.

[39:45] Yeah.

[39:46] And you killed that man.

[39:48] You throttled him.

[39:49] I waited until he left the bar a little bit drunk.

[39:52] Yeah.

[39:52] And then I hit him in the head with a kosh.

Jordan Morris

[39:57] It's actually pronounced kosh.

[39:59] Sorry.

[40:00] I don't know what that is.

Dan McCoy

[40:01] I'm going to wait until you leave and then it's a blackjack to the back of the head.

[40:04] You and your partner stuffed him in a trunk and then had a dinner party while Jimmy Stewart

[40:09] slowly got more and more suspicious.

[40:12] Uh, this letter is from core.

[40:15] Last letter withheld.

[40:16] I think that's, I think it's Corey guys.

[40:18] Hmm.

[40:19] I think that's.

[40:19] Okay.

[40:20] Uh, who writes, dear floppers.

[40:22] I recently have acquired a son and an interest in the flop house.

[40:26] I know better than to expose him to the show, but it appears he's been listening from the

[40:31] living room every day while I make supper.

[40:33] I know this because he, four years old, recently crab walked into the kitchen going, rawr, rawr,

[40:39] in a weird Tim Curry kind of way.

[40:42] I asked what he was doing and he told me he was the floppy house cat.

[40:45] So that's one thing.

[40:47] The other thing was he asked me to make up a story for him about Dan and Elliot.

[40:51] Sorry, Stuart, not you.

[40:52] Oh, that's okay.

[40:54] When doing the voice for Dan, he would correct me.

[40:56] I can set this one out.

[40:58] When doing the voice for Dan, he would correct me and tell me to make it sadder.

[41:01] No, sadder.

[41:03] Until I sounded like Eeyore, but with brain damage, maybe.

[41:06] I find you three entertaining, but for obvious reasons, I don't want my son to emulate you.

[41:11] So if you could maybe say on the show a message telling him, it's all pretended that you aren't normal,

[41:15] I could play for him and I think it would help in his personal development.

[41:18] Thanks.

Stuart Wellington

[41:20] Well, we don't know his name.

Dan McCoy

[41:21] He'll hear us.

[41:22] What do people name their shitty kids these days?

[41:25] Pistol?

[41:26] Trigger?

[41:27] Bucket?

[41:27] Yeah.

[41:28] I don't know about this.

[41:29] I'm sorry, I called your kid shitty.

[41:31] He's probably fine.

[41:32] Not emulating us.

[41:33] I mean, you know.

[41:34] Yeah.

Jordan Morris

[41:35] What would you rather your kid grow up to be?

Dan McCoy

[41:38] Yeah, we've carved a successful life.

[41:39] A teacher.

[41:40] An engineer.

[41:42] A lumberjack.

[41:44] A doctor.

[41:45] Helping the sick.

[41:46] A priest who helps people with religion.

[41:52] So keep on listening.

[41:53] That's where I say, Corey's child.

[41:55] Yeah.

[41:56] Be like us.

[41:58] Yep.

[41:59] Be not like Elliot, apparently.

[42:01] Yeah, don't listen to your dad.

[42:02] Now imagine his dad furiously trying to stop him.

Stuart Wellington

[42:05] Stuart.

[42:05] You won't have previewed this at all.

Jordan Morris

[42:07] Yeah, don't listen to your dad.

[42:08] Pursue a career in podcasting, television writing, and bar ownership.

[42:13] One of those three things.

[42:15] Some combination.

[42:16] The three seediest professions.

[42:17] Yeah.

[42:19] I hope this is helpful.

[42:21] It's weird that he picked up the flop house cat thing.

[42:25] Like that seems to be a pretty, I mean, I know it's a beloved running joke, but I mean,

[42:29] it's a pretty particular thing.

[42:31] Sound effects are very dear to children's hearts.

[42:35] That's true.

[42:36] So maybe they would have liked that part in Strange Magic where the princess stepped on

[42:41] a balloon and a fart sound happened.

Stuart Wellington

[42:42] I love that part.

Jordan Morris

[42:44] Yeah, you did actually legitimately laugh at that.

Stuart Wellington

[42:47] I was like, that sounds like Bantha Poodoo.

[42:50] Yeah.

Jordan Morris

[42:51] Yeah.

[42:51] There was a lot of just like desperately trying to cram in something that resembled comedy.

Stuart Wellington

[42:56] Or references to Star Wars.

[42:58] Oh, yeah.

[42:59] There were a couple references to Star Wars, weren't there?

Jordan Morris

[43:01] Yeah, yeah.

[43:02] Where she's blocking the...

[43:02] So she's blindfolded and practicing sword fighting.

[43:06] The king of the fairies looks like George Lucas.

[43:09] I thought he should be wearing a little flannel shirt.

[43:11] I thought that would have been cute.

[43:14] That's it though, right?

[43:15] Is there anything else?

[43:16] Yeah.

[43:17] Who cares?

[43:22] Hi, this is Dave Hill from Dave Hill's Podcasting Incident on the Maximum Fun Network.

[43:28] I'm here with my lovely and talented secretary, Miss Shana Feinberg.

[43:32] Shana, I understand you've been doing a bit of research to find out what listeners think of the show.

[43:37] Yes, I have, Dave.

[43:38] And what have you found?

S4

[43:39] Well, people that love it say they love it because it's just Dave hanging out with someone in his apartment.

Dan McCoy

[43:45] Awesome.

[43:45] What do people that hate it say?

S4

[43:47] They hate it because it's just Dave hanging out with someone in his apartment.

Jordan Morris

[43:51] Oh.

[43:51] Listen to Dave Hill's Podcasting Incident on the Maximum Fun Network.

[43:56] Motherf***er.

[43:57] Was that too much?

S4

[43:58] No, I think it was perfect.

[44:01] This letter is from Robert, last name with Held, who writes,

Dan McCoy

[44:15] While listening to one of your recent episodes, I had a brilliant movie idea that I'd love to get your thoughts on.

[44:21] Well, we'll be the judge.

Stuart Wellington

[44:22] Robert Rodriguez, I'm sure.

Jordan Morris

[44:24] What if I shot a movie in my house in front of a green screen in Austin?

[44:28] Yeah, great idea, Robert Rodriguez.

[44:29] Those always work out great.

Dan McCoy

[44:33] It is based on a true story, namely the true story that you guys sit around a lot riffing on silly movie ideas.

[44:39] The name of the movie is, of course, Three Ninjas Kick Back to the Future.

[44:43] Despite not yet existing, Three Ninjas Kick Back to the Future is already my fourth favorite movie,

[44:48] second only to Invisible Family, Head of the Maniac, and Powder.

Stuart Wellington

[44:53] Those are, wow, August company.

Dan McCoy

[44:55] But I have a couple of questions for you about it.

[44:59] Seriously, why does 3NKBTTF not exist yet?

[45:04] Okay.

[45:05] When it does, what do you think it'll be like?

[45:09] Please feel free to riff for anywhere between 30 seconds and 90 minutes as you see fit.

[45:14] I'll wait.

[45:15] Sits a keyboard for an appropriate amount of time.

[45:17] That seems like.

[45:18] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[45:19] Well, I mean, obviously.

[45:21] I mean, if we were ninjas, why would we have to go back in time?

[45:26] Wait, the Ninja Turtles did that already.

Jordan Morris

[45:28] So, wait, hold on.

[45:29] Wait, are you guys Rocky, Colton, Tum Tum in this situation?

Stuart Wellington

[45:33] Wait, are those the names of the three ninjas?

[45:34] Those are the names of the three ninjas.

Jordan Morris

[45:37] Tum Tum?

[45:38] Tum Tum is the hungry one.

[45:40] Yeah.

[45:40] The youngest, hungriest ninja.

[45:42] No, I was imagining like a chubby ninja.

[45:46] I think he's probably a little chubbier than the other ones.

[45:48] But he's still in good shape because of all the karate.

[45:50] Yeah, he has a really high metabolism.

Dan McCoy

[45:52] But he's just eating a lot of dumplings or something.

Jordan Morris

[45:54] Yeah.

[45:55] Or whatever, like Cheetos.

Dan McCoy

[45:57] Whatever kids they eat.

[45:58] Oh, yeah, the three ninjas are all white.

Stuart Wellington

[46:00] Yeah, they actually don't like dumplings that much.

Dan McCoy

[46:02] I've got something embarrassing to make to you guys.

[46:04] What's that?

[46:05] I've never seen a three ninja.

[46:06] You don't know what a three ninja is?

[46:07] Not even high noon at Mega Mountain.

[46:10] So are they modern day ninjas?

[46:12] So the three ninjas, best I can remember.

[46:15] Okay.

Jordan Morris

[46:15] And this was one of my favorite genres as a kid was child knows karate.

[46:20] That's why I love sidekicks.

[46:21] Yeah, sure.

[46:22] Featuring the late Jonathan Brandes.

[46:25] So yeah.

[46:26] I saw sidekicks.

[46:27] So three ninjas, I guess, is some sort of hybrid of that sort of movie and Home Alone.

[46:31] Okay.

[46:32] Where three kids who know karate have to deflect surfer dude burglars with a series of traps

[46:39] and then something else.

Dan McCoy

[46:41] Like the point break burglars.

Jordan Morris

[46:43] Yeah, kind of.

[46:44] Yeah.

[46:44] This was definitely the era of the like, whoa, dude.

[46:47] I mean, whoa, we got to go.

[46:48] Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[46:49] There's no karate.

[46:50] Yeah.

[46:51] The most extreme sport is stealing things.

[46:53] From kids.

[46:54] Yes.

[46:55] These guys like street luge, BMX bikes, and stealing from children.

[47:01] Yeah.

[47:01] So this was the era of that kind of character.

[47:04] And then they fought kids and then something else.

[47:07] And I know that there were like a lot of direct-to-DVD sequels for it.

Dan McCoy

[47:12] I mean, I knew that they kicked back.

[47:13] Well, they did a naked run.

[47:14] Yeah.

[47:15] You know what?

[47:17] Literally, like right now, I just now got the pun in the three ninjas kick back.

[47:23] Oh, yeah?

[47:24] Yeah.

[47:24] You thought it was just about them relaxing.

[47:26] Well, that's like, no, I didn't.

[47:28] That second meaning did not occur to me.

[47:30] Yeah.

[47:30] I'm very slow is what I'm saying.

Stuart Wellington

[47:31] You didn't think they could use their feet?

Dan McCoy

[47:34] No.

[47:34] I got the kick back part.

[47:36] It's more of a taekwondo thing, I guess, is kicking.

[47:38] They kick back.

[47:40] They attack back.

[47:40] But I didn't get the relaxation part of it.

Stuart Wellington

[47:44] So wait, if they're kicking back to the future, are they going back in time to like relax?

Jordan Morris

[47:49] Yeah.

[47:50] Oh, okay.

[47:51] Maybe it's a, maybe like, maybe it could be just like a total retcon of the series.

[47:56] I mean, I think that's happening a lot these days.

[47:58] I mean, we had Terminator Genisys, which erased the bad Terminator movies that we didn't like.

[48:03] Sure.

[48:03] And then the-

[48:04] By being a great Terminator movie?

[48:05] By being a slightly worse, but slightly not as bad Terminator movie.

[48:11] And then-

[48:12] The Star Wars, yeah.

[48:13] Yeah.

[48:13] The Star Trek, sorry.

[48:14] Yeah, Star Trek.

[48:14] And I guess I was going to say X-Men Apocalypse erased all the bad X-Men movies.

[48:18] So what if, you know, we have an older Rocky Colton Tum Tum.

[48:23] Sure.

[48:23] A little grizzled.

[48:24] Yeah.

[48:25] Yeah.

[48:26] Tum Tum is actually fat now.

[48:27] One has an eye patch.

[48:28] Yeah.

[48:28] And then they get a, some sort of talisman or something.

[48:31] I'm going to say talisman.

[48:32] It could be a-

[48:33] They pee in a magic fountain.

[48:34] Yeah, that too.

[48:36] And they go and like, they stop their younger selves from becoming karate celebrities.

[48:41] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[48:42] Because they know about the path of debauchery that it leads to.

[48:46] Sure.

[48:46] All the lives shattered.

[48:48] Sure, yeah.

[48:49] The cocaine and hookers that come with being a child karate celebrity.

Stuart Wellington

[48:53] So does this help, Dan?

[48:54] Do you know more about Three Ninjas now?

Dan McCoy

[48:55] Oh, certainly.

[48:56] I'm glad, I'm just glad that I chose to read this letter when we had a Three Ninjas expert.

[49:02] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[49:03] Have it help.

[49:04] America's foremost Three Ninjas expert.

Jordan Morris

[49:05] Sure, yeah.

[49:06] I teach Three Ninjas studies at Cornell.

Stuart Wellington

[49:11] I was going to say the learning annex, so I'm glad that you're much more correct.

Jordan Morris

[49:14] No, no, no.

[49:14] It's at Cornell, yeah.

[49:15] I wrote a paper called Tum Tum as the Raging Id.

[49:21] The Raging Id in all of us.

Dan McCoy

[49:24] Let's read.

[49:27] What?

[49:27] Let's lead ourselves into the future, guys.

[49:31] Triumphantly.

[49:33] Let's read this next last letter.

[49:37] It's from Thomas, last name withheld, who says, hey, floppers.

[49:41] Thomas Dolby.

[49:43] She blinded me with letters.

[49:46] Be blinded me with letters.

[49:50] Everyone knows your favorite times of year are Small Timber, Shocktober, and Cagemas.

[49:55] So I thought, why not increase the joy with more theme months?

[49:59] Here are some suggestions.

[50:01] Kablamuary.

[50:02] That's action movies.

[50:03] Okay.

[50:06] Kablamuary.

[50:06] All right.

[50:07] Wait.

[50:07] All right.

Dan McCoy

[50:07] Wait.

[50:07] That's what.

[50:09] All right.

[50:09] What.

[50:10] What.

[50:11] Are you okay?

[50:12] You're a stroke.

[50:13] What month is that replacing?

[50:15] That's what I'm wondering.

[50:17] Does anyone know?

[50:18] Kablamuary.

[50:19] Yeah.

[50:19] January.

[50:20] Well, it's replacing blamuary.

[50:22] Yeah.

[50:23] It's kablamuary.

[50:24] Because Jan doesn't sound like kablam.

[50:26] But anyway, let's.

[50:26] Yeah.

[50:27] That's a stretch.

[50:27] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[50:27] Let's move on.

[50:27] That's a stretch.

[50:28] February.

[50:29] Oh.

[50:30] Okay.

[50:30] Wait.

[50:31] You're saying it weird.

[50:32] Hold on.

[50:33] Febbuhu-ary.

[50:33] Okay.

[50:34] Tearjerkers.

[50:35] Okay.

[50:37] Deep Roll.

[50:38] Artsy movies.

[50:40] I don't.

[50:40] Yeah.

[50:40] I don't know about that one.

[50:41] Yeah.

[50:42] School Eye.

[50:43] That's July.

[50:45] Topic should be obvious.

[50:47] Yeah.

[50:47] What?

[50:48] School movies?

[50:49] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[50:50] You know.

[50:50] Summer school.

[50:51] Yeah.

[50:52] Ski School.

[50:52] Hollywood is.

[50:53] Yep.

[50:53] Those are all super current movies.

Jordan Morris

[50:55] We're not supposed to play much.

[50:57] School Rock.

[50:57] You know all those bad school movies that come out.

Stuart Wellington

[51:02] What was the last school movie?

[51:04] I mean, I guess The Boy Next Door.

Jordan Morris

[51:07] Yeah.

[51:07] These are all good movies, though.

[51:08] There's not been a bad movie made about school.

[51:10] Not even Dangerous Minds.

Dan McCoy

[51:12] Gaffaugust.

[51:13] That's comedies.

[51:14] And Brovember.

[51:15] Movies about men.

[51:17] March, May, and June are all one syllable.

[51:20] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[51:20] Because there's just no movies about men out there.

[51:21] I think you need to devote a month to awareness of...

Stuart Wellington

[51:23] Yeah.

[51:24] I mean, it's going to be tough finding movies that fit that category.

Dan McCoy

[51:27] He pushes on March, May, and June because he says that one syllable...

[51:31] Those are wild cards.

[51:31] It's tough to make them work as puns.

[51:34] But anywho, I look forward to hearing episodes from all these themed months in the future.

[51:39] And of course, learning the stupid theme-based final judgments.

[51:42] You can cock for each of them.

[51:43] Sincerely, Tom was the last thing withheld.

Stuart Wellington

[51:45] Thanks, Tom.

[51:46] Dolby.

[51:47] So what?

[51:48] We're on to Kablamuary next?

[51:50] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[51:51] Wait, what's the next...

[51:52] Well, we're in...

[51:53] Wait, are we in School Eye?

[51:55] I guess Smallvember is next on your...

[51:57] There's no August one?

Jordan Morris

[52:00] August.

[52:01] Because you do Floggust, where you do S&M-themed movies.

[52:04] You just watch Fifty Shades of Grey over and over again.

[52:06] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[52:06] And Foggust, where we watch the Fogg remake and nothing else.

Jordan Morris

[52:14] It's part two of our exploration of the Fogg remake.

[52:17] We really wanted to get into it.

Stuart Wellington

[52:19] Our yearly exploration.

Jordan Morris

[52:21] Just do like those guys who do Star Wars a minute at a time, but do it with the Fogg remake.

[52:26] Wow.

[52:27] Just dive.

Stuart Wellington

[52:27] Don't watch what you say on there, dude.

Dan McCoy

[52:30] Yeah, it's true.

[52:31] We did launch, inadvertently, Stuart launched a podcast that examined a talking cat minute

[52:38] by minute.

Stuart Wellington

[52:38] A great podcast, recognized by the Onion AV Club.

[52:40] Yeah.

[52:41] A talking cat podcast examining the movie A Talking Cat called A Talking Cast?

[52:48] They came up with a name first.

[52:51] But they even got, I think, the writer on that show.

[52:53] Oh, really?

[52:53] The writer of the movie is in the final.

[52:56] Did you listen to it?

[52:57] Yeah, it's great.

Dan McCoy

[52:57] What did he have to say about it?

Stuart Wellington

[52:59] He seems like...

[53:00] He's in the CliffsNotes.

[53:02] I'm not going to give you the CliffsNotes on an episode of our show, but I'll just say

[53:05] that it was...

[53:06] He seemed like it was not his fault as much as David DeCocteau that made it crazier.

[53:13] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[53:14] Well, I'm sure that either of them could have passed the buck.

[53:18] It's all Eric Roberts' fault.

Stuart Wellington

[53:20] It would have been a great movie.

[53:21] It's all that damn cat.

[53:22] Was he the voice of the cat, Eric Roberts?

[53:24] Yeah.

[53:25] He delivers an amazing performance.

[53:28] If you listen to any bad movie podcast, I'm sure they've done an episode.

[53:31] on a talking cat.

Dan McCoy

[53:32] Yeah, it's an amazing bad movie.

[53:35] We can't recommend that one enough.

Jordan Morris

[53:37] Is it room-berdemic quality bad?

[53:40] Yeah.

[53:41] Okay.

[53:41] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[53:41] I mean, it has a lot of dead space, but it's that kind of brilliantly bad dead space rather

[53:48] than...

Stuart Wellington

[53:49] Yeah, there's a driving scene that seems to take up 10 minutes in the middle of the movie.

Dan McCoy

[53:53] Yeah.

[53:53] It's like that rule of like, you know, if something happens 35 times, it's funny.

[53:59] Yeah.

[53:59] It's like that pushes boredom so far that you're like, why is this happening?

[54:05] Who did this?

[54:06] Yeah.

Jordan Morris

[54:07] Why did they do it?

[54:08] It's like how there's so much parking and birdemic.

[54:10] Exactly.

[54:11] Watching someone...

[54:12] Is this a driving video?

[54:14] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[54:16] So, I hope that helped everyone, I guess.

Stuart Wellington

[54:20] We learned the fucking months.

[54:21] Okay.

[54:22] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[54:23] That's right.

Stuart Wellington

[54:24] We learned the months.

[54:25] We learned the months.

[54:26] We learned about three ninjas.

Dan McCoy

[54:27] Yeah.

[54:28] So, play it for that kid who we're talking about before.

[54:31] Yeah.

[54:31] See, there you go.

Jordan Morris

[54:32] You can learn what months or which.

[54:34] Mix up his months.

[54:35] Yeah.

[54:35] And now he knows basically what three ninjas is about without having to watch it.

Stuart Wellington

[54:39] Uh-huh.

[54:39] Or he'll know now if it's up his alley.

Dan McCoy

[54:41] Sure.

[54:42] This guy sounds good.

[54:43] You gotta watch that.

[54:45] So, it's time for the final segment on the show, which is where we recommend movies.

[54:52] That we liked, rather than strange magic.

[54:55] Jordan, I know you're a listener.

[54:57] I hope that you remember that this was a segment.

[54:59] I did, yes.

[55:00] But I'll go first.

[55:01] I watched a movie called The Super Cops, which was...

[55:06] Edgar Wright did a night where he was programming Turner Classic movies.

[55:11] Yeah.

[55:11] And he showed a few movies that I'd seen already.

[55:16] I forget what they were, but I didn't tape those because I knew them.

[55:19] But I'd never heard of The Super Cop.

[55:21] It's from 1974.

[55:23] And it's based on a real pair of New York cops who were known as Batman and Robin at the time.

[55:34] Due to, like, how many...

[55:36] Their costumes?

[55:36] No.

[55:37] They made a...

[55:38] Ambiguous gay relationship.

[55:40] Made a lot of buffs.

[55:41] Yeah.

[55:41] Father-son weird relationship.

[55:45] And it was directed by Gordon Parks, who made Shaft.

[55:49] And it was written, pardon me, by Lorenzo Semple Jr., who is an interesting writer.

[55:56] He wrote...

[55:58] He helped create the Batman TV series.

[56:01] So it's weird that he worked on this movie about cops that were nicknamed Batman and Robin.

[56:07] But he wrote the Anthony Perkins movie, Pretty Poison.

[56:12] He wrote Papillon.

[56:14] He wrote The Parallax View.

[56:16] The Drowning Pool.

[56:17] Three Days of the Condor.

Stuart Wellington

[56:19] Wait, Drowning Pool?

[56:20] That rock and roll band that sings Let the Bodies at the Floor?

[56:24] No, not that.

Dan McCoy

[56:25] Flash Gordon, Never Say Never Again.

[56:26] Is that the one that starts...

[56:27] Wah!

[56:28] No, that's down with the sickness.

[56:30] I'm sorry.

[56:31] So he's an interesting screenwriter.

[56:33] And this movie is sort of interesting.

[56:35] It's very much based on sort of incidents.

[56:40] It doesn't have a strong forward plot.

[56:43] It's more like just a bunch of almost blackout sketches of these guys.

[56:49] These rookie cops trying to make names for themselves.

[56:53] They would make busts when they're off duty and get in trouble with their commanding officers.

[56:58] And do various crazy things because they were very interested in just rising through the ranks and busting people in any way that they could.

[57:08] And they're kind of like interesting heroes because on the one hand they're fighting against police corruption throughout a lot of the movie.

[57:17] On the other hand they're kind of assholes who are genuine loose cannons with no interest in the chain of command.

Stuart Wellington

[57:25] So by calling them Batman and Robin it's a telling commentary on those characters as well.

Dan McCoy

[57:30] Yeah, yeah.

[57:31] Vigilantism.

[57:32] What does it really get us to?

[57:33] Giant two-faced pennies.

Stuart Wellington

[57:37] That's what happens.

[57:39] Yeah.

[57:39] What else is in his bat cave?

[57:41] A butler?

Dan McCoy

[57:42] A card.

[57:43] A giant joker card.

[57:45] Yeah.

[57:46] So anyway, it's a fun 1970s cop movie.

[57:50] I liked it a lot.

[57:51] It's called The Super Cops.

[57:53] The Super Cops.

Jordan Morris

[57:54] Jordan, why don't you go next?

[57:55] Yeah, sure.

[57:56] I saw a really funny kind of mumblecore-y movie called The Overnight.

[58:03] This is starring Adam Scott, Taylor Schilling.

[58:08] Oh, gosh.

[58:08] She's so hot right now.

[58:10] Jason Schwartzman.

[58:12] And a French actress whose name I will mispronounce now, Judith Godrieche.

[58:17] Godrieche?

[58:18] Sure, why not?

[58:19] Help me out, Stuart.

[58:20] You speak German.

[58:21] We're just closer.

[58:22] Godrieche?

[58:23] Goat?

[58:24] Yeah.

[58:24] Just say it like you don't know what you're saying.

[58:26] Goat rash.

[58:27] It's neat.

[58:27] It's about a couple of yuppie, two yuppie couples who kind of have this wild party and push

[58:36] their sexual boundaries.

[58:40] Yeah, and it's genuinely really funny, and it doesn't do that thing where some mumblecore

[58:46] movies do, where it's like, why the fuck are we watching this?

[58:50] It has a pretty tight story, a pretty tight arc, and it doesn't seem like it's just Lucy

[58:56] Goose improvising.

[58:57] It has a lot of genuinely really hilarious moments.

[59:00] And yeah, it's nice if you feel a little summer movie blockbuster fatigue, if you're tired

[59:05] of all the superheroes and explosions, and you want to see an adult comedy, I hate that

[59:12] argument for seeing movies, but I'm genuinely giving it now.

[59:15] It is a nice little digestif to the summer rock'em sock'em fair.

[59:23] But yeah, really good use of Jason Schwartzman, too.

[59:25] I think he, as often as I've liked him in things, he's rubbed me the wrong way.

[59:30] Sure.

[59:31] But I think they use his, you know, the little spice of douchebaggery that he has naturally

[59:39] and use it in a good way and help it to create a really cool, funny, interesting character.

[59:44] I can see that.

[59:45] Yeah.

[59:45] It's a hoot.

[59:47] Certified hoot.

Stuart Wellington

[59:49] Yeah.

[59:50] I'm going to recommend a movie that is also a little bit of a mumblecore movie.

[59:55] It's described as a comedy.

[59:56] It's kind of funny.

[59:59] Jordan, you mentioned kind of the pitfalls of like a mumblecore style movie, and I think

[1:00:05] this movie suffers a little bit from it.

[1:00:07] It's a movie called Results, directed by Andrew Bujalski, who I guess is one of the forefathers

[1:00:14] of...

Dan McCoy

[1:00:15] Yeah, that's funny.

[1:00:16] Ha-ha is one of his...

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:18] Yeah, and I think Computer Chess, but I could be wrong.

[1:00:21] Yeah, I believe you're right.

[1:00:22] And this is a movie that stars Guy Pearce from the movie Space Jail as a personal trainer.

[1:00:29] And also...

[1:00:30] Is he his same character from Space Jail?

[1:00:32] Exactly.

[1:00:32] Okay, good.

[1:00:32] Except he doesn't use the same voice.

[1:00:34] He uses, I think, an Australian accent.

[1:00:36] I'm not sure.

[1:00:37] Yeah, he puts on an Australian accent.

[1:00:41] And Kobe Smothers, Smulders in this role.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:46] First person ever to make that pun.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:49] Yeah, so...

[1:00:50] Kobe Smothers is lukewarm in the role.

[1:00:54] It also features Giovanni Ribisi.

[1:00:58] Not the Giovanni Ribisi.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:01] One of his clones.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:03] And it also features a great performance by Kevin Corrigan.

[1:01:07] Yeah, it's always good.

[1:01:07] Yeah, no laughs there, huh?

[1:01:09] You respect Kevin Corrigan, but not Giovanni Ribisi.

[1:01:12] Yeah.

[1:01:13] And it's kind of a story about a personal trainer who owns a gym, and he wants to open up a bigger

[1:01:19] gym.

[1:01:20] And he has kind of a mixed relationship with one of his trainers, played by Kobe Smulders.

[1:01:27] And a millionaire, a recent millionaire who's lonely and recently divorced, moves into town.

[1:01:35] And in an attempt to, like, make friends, joins this gym.

[1:01:39] And it kind of, it starts kind of pushing everybody in various directions.

[1:01:44] And there's definitely points where you're like, this isn't super funny.

[1:01:48] And the characters aren't, like, 100% likable.

[1:01:52] But that's part of the charm, is that they're all, like, likably flawed a little bit.

[1:01:57] And by the end, I feel like you're kind of rooting for them.

[1:02:00] And there's at least a little bit of a believable romance angle to it.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:03] Unlike the movie we watched today.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:06] But you do have to have a little bit of patience for that sort of thing.

[1:02:10] For that mumble cord sort of thing.

[1:02:13] Did you guys see Terminator?

[1:02:14] The first Terminator?

[1:02:15] Yeah, have you guys seen Terminator 1?

[1:02:17] Or D2?

[1:02:18] Yeah, I'll be back.

[1:02:18] It's hilarious.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:19] I sort of honestly thought about it, just because, like, as we said before, like, I'm on hiatus

[1:02:24] for two weeks, as are you.

[1:02:26] And I was just like, I don't know, maybe.

[1:02:29] Yeah.

[1:02:29] Like, during the day, maybe, why not?

[1:02:31] Did you see it?

Jordan Morris

[1:02:32] I did.

[1:02:33] It's a certified mess.

[1:02:36] It's a real mess.

[1:02:38] They definitely, there's so much time travel mumbo jumbo in it.

[1:02:42] Like, we have to return to the flux point to reset the, you know, temporal flux flux.

[1:02:49] They just say flux a lot.

[1:02:51] That aside, the action shit's really cool.

[1:02:54] And if you can approach it like, this is going to be a hoot and not, will this be good?

[1:03:01] I think.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:01] Is it better than Salvation?

[1:03:03] Yeah, it's totally.

[1:03:04] Because I almost walked out of Salvation.

Jordan Morris

[1:03:05] Yeah, it is.

[1:03:06] Salvation was terrible.

[1:03:07] It is goofy and fun where Salvation is boring and overly serious.

[1:03:12] So yeah, it definitely has some of the goofy charm of the original Terminators.

[1:03:15] And yeah, definitely worth an afternoon matinee, I think.

[1:03:18] All right.

[1:03:18] Even if you enjoy robots punching each other and Europeans trying to keep their American accents.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:25] That's the thing about Terminator 3, which is not a great movie, but it's a movie that

[1:03:29] does feature Arnold Schwarzenegger like head slamming a woman Terminator into a toilet.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:35] Sure.

[1:03:36] I caught a fair amount of Terminator 3 on like, I think it was on IFC recently where they're

[1:03:40] playing 2 and 3 back to back a couple times.

[1:03:43] And it's got like goofy stuff that I kind of enjoy, like when it plays on the scene from

[1:03:50] Terminator 2 where he like walks into the biker bar and this time he like walks into a gay

[1:03:53] bar and he was just like, he basically walks out with the same outfit, like the same leather

[1:03:58] outfit.

[1:03:59] And then there's like the big chase with the truck with the, like it's like a construction

[1:04:06] truck versus a fire truck.

[1:04:09] Like that's a pretty good action sequence.

[1:04:11] It's like a classic, uh, traditional, um, non CGI, like just big trucks fighting each other

[1:04:18] action sequence.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:19] And that, uh, and the lady Terminator is played by what Chris?

[1:04:22] Savannah Locken.

[1:04:23] Yeah.

[1:04:23] From Blood Rain.

[1:04:25] Blood Rain herself.

[1:04:26] Certified great movie.

[1:04:28] Rains down charm on the screen.

Jordan Morris

[1:04:30] Uh, yeah, this is, the Genesis is closer to T3 in its, in its tone.

[1:04:35] And, uh, yeah, I think it's a, it's pretty fun.

[1:04:37] It's getting really, really dragged through the muck.

[1:04:40] I mean, I, I like a good like goofball action film.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:43] Yeah.

[1:04:44] Um, sounds good.

[1:04:46] Let's all go right now.

[1:04:47] Okay.

Jordan Morris

[1:04:47] Yay.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:48] Uh, I'll pay for one of us with my all about Steve money.

[1:04:52] That one of us is me.

[1:04:54] Uh, before we go, uh, Jordan, as a guest, is there anything you'd like to plug?

[1:04:58] This is going to come out, uh, this weekend.

Jordan Morris

[1:05:02] Sure.

[1:05:02] Uh, hey, uh, I do a podcast, as you mentioned.

[1:05:05] It's called Jordan, Jesse, Go.

[1:05:06] It's on the MaxFun Network, as is this show.

[1:05:09] Uh, give it a, give it a check out.

[1:05:11] Dan's been on an episode.

[1:05:12] Stuart, you can be on an episode if you ever come to LA.

[1:05:15] I don't know if Jesse will allow that.

[1:05:17] Yeah, he might not.

[1:05:18] It might be too many cool dudes in one confined space.

[1:05:22] Um, and yeah, I'm a writer on, uh, at midnight.

[1:05:25] Comes on, uh, midnight on Comedy Central's Monday through Thursday.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:28] It's, uh, it's a.

[1:05:29] What time's it on?

[1:05:30] Uh, it comes on at midnight.

[1:05:31] Oh, good.

Jordan Morris

[1:05:31] Yeah.

[1:05:31] Uh, so, uh, yeah, you can watch that if you enjoy television programs.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:36] That is such a hacky joke, I bet.

Jordan Morris

[1:05:39] Yeah, you hear it a lot.

[1:05:40] What time's that?

[1:05:41] Yeah, okay.

[1:05:41] Thanks, dad.

[1:05:42] Nice impression of me.

[1:05:44] Oh, I'm Stuart.

[1:05:44] Glad I sound like you're too.

[1:05:46] Oh, I'm Stuart.

[1:05:47] Time to eat some garbage.

[1:05:49] Num, num, num, num, num, num, num.

[1:05:51] I'm eating it.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:52] This wire is like hearing a mirror.

[1:05:54] Yeah.

[1:05:56] It's like hearing a mirror.

[1:05:58] Uh, so, my goal has, uh, been fulfilled, which is, uh, to get Jordan comfortable enough

[1:06:04] with Stuart that he's outwardly.

[1:06:08] So he can do something weirdly.

[1:06:09] He can do a mean impression of him.

[1:06:10] Uh, so, I think that it's, that means it's time to end the show.

[1:06:14] Uh, for the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:17] Hey, I've been Stuart Wellington.

[1:06:20] And in the third chair today, Jordan Morris.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:23] Good night, everyone.

[1:06:25] Bye.

[1:06:31] Perfect.

[1:06:32] So, all right.

[1:06:34] Um, yeah, so I'll introduce myself and Stu, then you.

[1:06:37] Do we have to sing the theme song?

[1:06:38] Kind of sound like the MIDI version.

[1:06:48] Yeah.

Jordan Morris

[1:06:49] This is what we have for the Flophouse Game Boy game.

[1:06:54] You're shooting bad movies.

[1:06:56] Yeah, exactly.

[1:06:57] And like jumping.

[1:06:59] Also, you're Wario for some weird reason.

[1:07:03] You guys are not characters.

[1:07:04] Great character, Wario.

S4

[1:07:06] Hello, buddies.

[1:07:07] I'm Travis McElroy.

[1:07:08] And I'm Andy Bolt.

[1:07:09] And we're the hosts of Bunker Buddies.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:11] We're a podcast where we're amateur survivalists and we talk about things like the apocalypse.

S4

[1:07:16] And we talk about zombies and preparedness.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:18] What are you going to wear when it's the apocalypse?

S4

[1:07:20] And you have no idea if you don't listen to our show.

[1:07:22] It comes out every Wednesdays on MaximumFun.org and on iTunes.

[1:07:26] Sometimes we try weird foods or we talk about where to camp or how to avoid getting eaten or any of these things.

[1:07:32] Yeah, so listen to us because it might just save your life.

[1:07:35] We'll see you in the bunker.

[1:07:36] Bye.

[1:07:37] Thank you.

Ep. #182 - Strange Magic

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