Ep. #182 - Strange Magic

[0:00] Hey tonight we watched strange magic some shit that fell out of George Lucas's brain

[0:30] All right, it's in three two

[0:40] One hey everyone and welcome to the flop house. I'm Dan McCoy who Dan McCoy great

[0:45] I'm Stuart Wellington, and we have a guest tonight

[0:49] I'm Jordan Morris great

[0:52] You just don't love it I like

[0:55] Jordan Morris, he's uh you're you're trying out for Elliot Kalin's role. He died in a hunting accident

[1:02] Weird that he went hunting. Yeah. Yeah, I'll be I'll be known as the second Elliot

[1:06] Yeah

[1:06] You know like people talk about the second Darren on be witched or the second Becky on Roseanne

[1:10] I'll just be the like replacement Elliott

[1:12] And then fans can get in a debate as to who was better or maybe everyone will forget the original

[1:17] Years down the road when you all are sitting here with crazy long gray beard

[1:22] It'll be like a flop house trivia thing. Like did you know that Jordan Morris was not the first to portray Elliot?

[1:27] I

[1:28] Do think that you need to speak a little higher and more nasally sure and complain about getting home to your baby

[1:34] Yeah, I'll also make sure to

[1:37] To badger anyone who and his and his hemorrhoids. He was always complaining about his hemorrhoids erectile dysfunction

[1:43] He's like it's like a floppy little sausage. Yeah

[1:47] I have too much diarrhea

[1:50] I was gonna say losing his hair, but he is

[1:55] Come on I was gonna say to fill in nothing sacred

[1:57] I mean, I would not say that if I didn't think it did not seem to bother erectile dysfunction is hilarious

[2:03] It's baldness. It's not baldness is an issue

[2:05] Elliot is the person that I know who most appears to be looking forward to being an old man

[2:12] Like he literally just that's all he wants. He wants to be at home

[2:16] with his family being old

[2:21] Swinging a rake at someone who's fucked with his lawn. Yeah, I mean he does not like

[2:26] Slackers, I know that sure to be a fact

[2:28] Does he have like an old old-timey?

[2:30] Corded telephone that he's all picked out to sit next to waiting for his kids to call and I never do

[2:36] That's you made it sad

[2:38] Okay, I feel like Elliot's gonna have the sort of family where the kids call. Yeah. Oh, they're gonna call

[2:43] That's why he wants to get home to his kids so he can build in that precious time

[2:46] He needs to talk to his kids so he can badger them for slightly miss saying something

[2:52] They love that

[2:54] Thank you. Thank you, Jordan. Yeah, thank you. Finally some indicated someone has said it

[3:00] People people mispronounce things all the time. I don't know why I have to be fucking pilloried for it

[3:06] If you can't tell I'm a fan of the show and all of its tropes

[3:09] We knew it and yeah, I need to explain who Jordan is

[3:11] I was about to get to that. He's one of the you're you're one of the brothers from my brother

[3:16] Yes, that's right. Those lovable advice-giving podcast brothers

[3:20] I'm the one you don't hear from a lot Jordy McIlroy your gumbo. Yes. I'm gumbo. I'm Shemp McIlroy

[3:27] What I what happens I take I find lovable podcast trios and then replace one. Oh great

[3:34] I'm the Sammy Hagar

[3:37] Can't think of another lovable podcast trio that you could pull this trick on none of them exist

[3:43] I'm sure there's only there's only two. Yeah, duos are popular in podcasting trios less so

[3:50] So no Jordan is one half of Jordan Jesse go which you could guess by the title of the show and

[3:58] He's a writer for at midnight. So he's still in the county central

[4:03] Late night family. Yeah

[4:06] And he's on hiatus at the same time

[4:09] So you guys can have as us me on the show or someone who writes for South Park rerun?

[4:16] What do you write for the reader

[4:20] So a second airing we gotta yeah now correct me if I'm wrong guys, but Jordan Jesse go is on the max fun network

[4:27] Oh, that's true. We're all on the same network. Now. What's the max fun network?

[4:34] See normally, I think that you're promoting the show but I like with Stuart he might actually not know that's the other thing

[4:42] Stuart it's a podcasting network. No, we're a member of okay, you know, it's sort of like United Artists, but the podcasting

[4:50] Okay, cool

[4:52] So that's our show. Okay. See you later. Good night

[4:56] Walking away walking away sounds walking away door slam car noise airplane going overhead

[5:03] That was drinking post show beers. Yeah, I don't mean during show

[5:09] The post show beers are far more delicious. Yeah. Yeah, that's when you break out the good shit

[5:13] Yeah, exactly, you know, it's like having a beer after you've gone out for a run. Yep

[5:17] Well, you feel like you deserve it more. Mm-hmm, you know, yeah, I like to run with the beer

[5:23] I like to run and drink at the same time the worst thing now we had is this all right? I'm gonna ask a question

[5:29] About whether it's about the movie we watch tonight. Yeah, we may never get to the

[5:35] And the show will be better for it certainly at this rate

[5:40] Now

[5:41] You went Stuart and I went to the same college. Mm-hmm. You went to the University of Santa Cruz

[5:46] Yes, I know as a listener to Jordan Jesse go

[5:49] Did you have the hash was that a thing at your school the hash? No, okay

[5:54] I mean there were there were lots of drugs around. Okay, is that it's not quite the same tell me

[5:59] Yeah, tell me about the hash. I didn't know whether this was

[6:02] Earlham specific or other schools, I think other schools but not it's also something that like the millet like I know people in the military

[6:10] That have done it, right? So this is where you run

[6:13] To to drink beer. Yeah, it's an organized activity usually in places where they don't have

[6:19] Fraternities if I'm correct where they like some

[6:22] Organizers take a bunch of kegs out into the woods or to a river or something and then get everybody to run

[6:28] through the woods along a path

[6:30] To the to where the beer is and then you have like rules about how you drink it

[6:35] And if you I never actually did but I imagine if you do it enough times you get a cool nickname

[6:39] Yeah, well, I mean like hearing about like like the vomitor

[6:42] Sure

[6:45] Puke machine

[6:46] Jordan's joke about running with beer reminded me of this because I

[6:50] Also, like this sounds like the worst thing in the world to me

[6:53] Like have none of these people figured out that you can just drink beer in your dorm room without running to get it

[7:00] It's more fun when somebody tells you how to drink it. Yeah, and you're tired

[7:04] Santa Cruz's version of this is called first rain and the first time it rains during the school year

[7:10] There is a like naked run around campus. I think there was a direct-to-DVD American Pie sequel based on this phenomenon Wow

[7:18] Was it just called wait first rain?

[7:21] Yeah hard rain American Pie

[7:24] Here are some tips. Yeah black rain. I think it was called days a hard rains

[7:30] Yeah, some naked 19 year olds on shrooms

[7:35] Yeah, and it's a it's a kind of a friend it's the you know, kind of freshman year initiation thing cuz yeah

[7:41] I think Santa Cruz also, you know, no proper frats not a lot of organized sports

[7:45] So it's you know light on traditions, but this is one of them

[7:49] Yeah, and I didn't do it the first year because I had a long-distance girlfriend who told me she didn't want me to do it

[7:54] Cuz I had a long penis. I had a long penis. I didn't want to trip. Yeah. Yeah

[7:58] I didn't want to get it like and like trapped in a fence

[8:02] Yeah, I didn't want to make my I don't want to make my new my new classmates I feel self-conscious

[8:08] I work style like early black and white cartoon

[8:12] But the guy with a long penis a nude guy running around and getting it like tied and like a bow on

[8:18] Wrapped around a tree and then like a whole bunch of other students trip on it because it's caught in a steamboat wheel

[8:26] So, yeah, I didn't do it and I still kick myself for it

[8:28] I feel like I wish I had done more like outrageous college shit, but I was I think I was a little timid

[8:33] You know people might think I'm weird for saying this

[8:36] But I don't think it would be strange for you to go back and just run with those freshmen

[8:41] I used to come here. No, that's right. I had a this right? Yeah, I used to be on the improv team

[8:46] So I'm sure you've heard of me. I'm sure people tell still talk about exploits of my

[8:51] nuts was your

[8:54] Improv group from the Daily Show

[8:56] It might as well have been was called humor force 5. Okay, which sucks

[9:01] We didn't I mean we were with sucks part of the name. Yeah. Yeah. I added that because I'm embarrassed at the name

[9:07] Yeah

[9:08] well my improv troop that I started in

[9:12] College because there was not one before I was there was called stop laughing. So they're all there's no way to have a oh, yeah

[9:19] Yeah, right. They're all bad

[9:23] Anyway, so that's been college tales, which is the traditional

[9:31] College stories at the beginning as longtime listeners know but now we get on to the meat of the show

[9:36] Which is we watched a bad movie and now we talked about it and tonight we watched a movie

[9:43] From the Lucasfilm folks. Oh just hearing that makes you so excited, right?

[9:48] Yeah called strange magic, which is a CGI animated film

[9:54] about a bunch of fairy folk and it's

[9:58] songs

[10:00] on you know like the fifties or sixties up until today

[10:04] uh... say

[10:05] political jukebox musical which is when you have a musical made up of songs that

[10:09] were pre-existing although usually a jukebox musical

[10:13] either is

[10:14] a musical with

[10:15] songs all written by the same

[10:17] well i don't like a mama mia

[10:19] well does it like yelling about yet

[10:21] and actually got a red and a red abba that's all

[10:25] the same team i was going to go with something like singing the rain

[10:28] or uh... which i forget the team but those were all written by the same people

[10:32] or like crazy for you it's all gershwin songs

[10:35] or it's like rock of ages where it's all the same genre

[10:38] yeah this was a an incoherent mishmash with no apparent theme

[10:42] this is just yeah

[10:43] it seemed to be like jack radio yeah we're singing what we want

[10:48] uh... yeah i can see the brainstorming meeting for this movie

[10:52] going like well we want to have songs

[10:55] we want to have songs so we'll do some stuff some oldies the parents will remember

[11:00] you know get them out of the basement love is strange uh... sugar pie honey bun

[11:05] i don't know if that's the actual name of the song that's the refrain

[11:08] uh... but then they had some you know there's some beyonce and some

[11:12] uh... yeah i don't know drake thrown in for the kids i i i recognize them as

[11:16] popular songs but i couldn't

[11:18] i don't think anything is super new i think the beyonce song was the newest

[11:23] yeah and that was like that was crazy in love so that's a

[11:26] that's an older song what about that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger

[11:30] that's true i hear that in the delhi so that

[11:33] but i i don't think any of them is

[11:36] up to the minute yeah i'm sure in the

[11:38] you know five years it took to make this movie well that's the thing yeah it's a cgi movie

[11:42] probably there's no way of

[11:44] doing anything new and a low budget cgi movie i don't know about that

[11:48] it's a lucasfilm production and it seems to have been a labor of love for him

[11:53] but uh... look ellie's not here he usually sums things up

[11:57] you want to do it i don't think i can between us we could probably tag team it

[12:02] okay it shouldn't fall on one person's shorts

[12:05] lucasfilm logo yeah we all get immediate boners for some reason

[12:10] we were excited that maybe dan accidentally put on star wars

[12:15] cut to a shot of a dude unrolling a map and our boners go away

[12:21] uh... and the map because we were all sexually abused by maps as children

[12:28] by cartographers

[12:30] uh... yeah the map unrolls and we see

[12:36] a sex tent also was where they put the sex tent inside of us

[12:41] i was there at burning man

[12:44] uh... so yeah it's a map of a magical kingdom and the map is

[12:48] divided into two halves there's the

[12:51] uh... fairy kingdom little on the nose yeah yeah which is light and pastel

[12:55] colored and then there's the dark forest

[12:57] uh... which is uh... evil looking

[13:00] kind of bland for an unknown world type map

[13:03] and there uh...

[13:05] so like these things are divided these areas are divided by like

[13:08] a bunch of primrose flowers i guess which are key ingredients in love

[13:13] potions

[13:14] which uh... are important in this movie and i

[13:18] and i say that i i predicted that at some point love potion number nine will

[13:21] be sung

[13:22] it was not it was the only time that a non on the nose choice

[13:27] this movie and your wager the cost of your wager is your soul

[13:32] no! ruffle stilts dinner!

[13:36] disguised as stewart this whole time

[13:38] i've been playing the long game

[13:41] uh... but no there's literally like a part where for instance

[13:45] a woman talks about how she's worried and then one of the other characters

[13:48] starts singing

[13:49] don't worry

[13:50] about a thing

[13:52] don't you know that every little thing's

[13:54] gonna be alright

[13:56] they're like this song's so cheap we might as well fucking use it

[14:00] yeah they just went to uh... we went to a uh... a right's goodwill

[14:05] they went to bob marley's r us yeah fire sale or one of those like police

[14:10] auctions i think it's important to say that

[14:13] all of these songs which on their own could be fun to listen to are rendered

[14:17] unfun because

[14:19] they are backed and arranged by

[14:23] what i can only imagine is the house band of a jimmy buffett's margaritaville

[14:27] like a a just a white

[14:30] uncle in sandals filter is placed on all of these songs so any like pleasure you

[14:35] would just arrive from hearing like a good song is taken away because it's the

[14:39] cheesiest possible arrangement of it

[14:42] or they do the thing where like

[14:44] well i like the song as normal tempo let's slow it down to ballot yeah

[14:48] uh... which works when you're watching sons of anarchy and they do that

[14:52] it's like a music montage like seven times every episode

[14:56] well people are getting

[14:57] beat up or something i don't know what happened probably murdered i don't remember

[15:01] so uh... but the movie starts with uh... our heroine

[15:06] is uh... she's in love with love

[15:08] singing i can't help

[15:10] falling in love with you which is matched up with crazy in love

[15:15] you know she's and you know her life is good because she has that cartoon

[15:18] character

[15:19] affectation of just randomly laughing as she moves about the world

[15:25] like if that was her in the real world she'd be an insane person's giggling as

[15:29] she

[15:30] bounds around but yeah it's like sandra bullock in that movie where she plays a

[15:33] crazy person

[15:35] uh... wait the one that jordan was in

[15:38] well you were in that? no i'm totally in that yeah i'm in the uh... i have a couple of lines

[15:41] in the protest scene well then you were in a movie that is a perfect example of a

[15:45] character in the real life just giggling yeah no exactly of a character that is

[15:49] like supposed to be

[15:51] like oh people will think this is cute but if you encounter that character on

[15:54] the world in the real world it's like oh this is an insane person

[15:58] okay did i just make this awkward for me? no no i'm well aware that all about steve

[16:01] sucks i mean when i got the part they they like mailed me a copy of the

[16:05] script and i read it and i'm like

[16:08] this is fucking insane like is this a movie like uh... and uh... i'm well aware of

[16:13] the place that

[16:14] all about steve occupies the cultural imagination how are those all about steve residuals though? still coming

[16:18] i will get a check for like fifteen bucks every now and then because people

[16:21] buy it on itunes i guess yeah there you go and like sandra bullock i loved her in

[16:25] uh... sidebar what was the movie she was in? sidebar? sidecar?

[16:32] what was the movie with erin the football guy? the net? the blind side?

[16:36] speed. the blind side thank you. the first time you said sidebar i was like

[16:41] erin prokofiev

[16:43] that'd be crazy. throwing out legal terms. yeah if you guys want to go out for some all about steve

[16:47] if you guys want to go out for some all about steve hot wings later i'm paying

[16:51] that's like

[16:52] what my residuals pay for. do not order any drinks. pay for all about steve

[16:57] branded hot wings

[17:01] so um...

[17:02] yeah she's a princess which you know because like all the peasants like come

[17:05] out and wave to her if she flies around and she's going to marry a very handsome uh...

[17:10] fairy

[17:11] i guess i don't know they all look

[17:13] like as we were saying during it. dan it's okay to admit that a man's handsome

[17:17] it's not that. it's not that.

[17:19] that's not it. it was that uh... he's the anti-map and that he gave me a boater

[17:24] as opposed to extinguishing my boater like those damn maps. as we were saying

[17:30] all these characters look like they are

[17:33] like erotic fan art that someone on the internet

[17:36] has drawn of a fairy. yeah you know like when you go to a comic con or

[17:40] something like that like way in the back there'll be a guy at a card table wearing

[17:44] overalls and a floppy hat and he's just drawing fucking

[17:49] fairies with huge tits and giant cocks like this is what those characters look

[17:53] like. and you'd see that guy from afar and be like you should be drawing pogo-esque characters

[17:58] not monsters

[18:00] uh... yeah this is this seems like that guy

[18:02] did all of the character design for this because they are they are upsettingly

[18:06] shiny and sexy. yeah it's like the animators were like man deviantart's gonna have a

[18:10] field day with this shit. high five. i like the idea that anyone makes a movie just as a

[18:15] free deviantart. yeah

[18:18] uh... but uh... little did they know for deviantart to take to it the movie

[18:23] has to be popular and watchable

[18:26] sorry perverts just keep drawing sonic peeing on pikachu

[18:32] why is there so much sonic porn?

[18:34] we've talked about this. it's because he's great. it's because he's so great and people want to see him

[18:40] turn into a toilet. i love all the ones where sonic is the pregnant one. that's something that's crazy. why is he pregnant?

[18:50] because uh... knuckles gave it to him in the butt. it's a junior situation.

[18:56] uh...

[18:57] yeah. what is he doing with all those rings man? paying for that. so we're like

[19:01] five minutes into the movie. so the movie opens with this princess flying around and giggling to

[19:06] herself and it's done in that style where she's flying but the camera is

[19:10] like so tight on her

[19:12] that you don't really get any sense of gravity or geography

[19:16] or and it's like it's like uh... miyazaki's nightmare where you have no

[19:20] idea what like the joy of flight actually is

[19:24] uh... and then it just moves along to her i guess falling in love with this guy

[19:28] and then finding out he's cheating on her. yeah so she is uh... she is uh...

[19:33] she is betrothed to a jerky prince fairy who is kind of a preening

[19:38] gaston type. we kind of know he's a jerk from the get-go

[19:42] and then she

[19:44] is flying around making him

[19:46] some sort of wedding corsage and then sees him

[19:50] uh... kissing a just faceless other fairy. random. could be a dude fairy.

[19:56] we don't know if everyone has short hair.

[19:58] so yeah that's

[20:00] That happens, and so she calls off the wedding.

[20:03] The guy tries to win her back, and she sings,

[20:07] I don't know, What Doesn't Kill You Make You Stronger,

[20:09] I guess.

[20:10] And she puts on her armor, too.

[20:12] Yeah.

[20:13] Yeah, there's a getting ready montage

[20:15] where she is singing about how she's heartbroken

[20:18] while her slave class of pixies is putting on a new outfit.

[20:24] And meanwhile, her little sister is still in love with love.

[20:28] She's excited about, I don't know, whatever.

[20:32] Look, there's a bunch of dances.

[20:33] This fairy kingdom has like a dance every couple hours.

[20:38] And so at one of these balls,

[20:40] the evil prince convinces this little gnome creature

[20:46] to go get the ingredients for a love potion

[20:51] so he can rewind the woman.

[20:54] Yeah, this like troll doll little guy.

[20:56] Yeah, but he convinces the troll doll guy to do it,

[20:59] I guess, so he can make the younger princess

[21:03] in love with him, which is kind of creepy.

[21:05] Yeah, the gnome guy is in a kind of friend zone relationship

[21:09] with the other princess, with the younger princess.

[21:12] And for a while, I think he's the male lead.

[21:14] Yeah.

[21:16] And yet, his goal is to basically find

[21:19] some kind of magical roofie to go.

[21:21] Yeah, exactly.

[21:21] Sure.

[21:22] So, yeah, we were a little baffled by him being cast

[21:26] in the hero role for a while.

[21:29] But he's got overalls on, so.

[21:31] Yeah, he's very non-threatening.

[21:32] Yeah, so you like him, too.

[21:34] Yeah, he's cool.

[21:37] Yeah, I don't know, he goes on a quest.

[21:39] He's getting the ingredients.

[21:41] He runs into the blue fairy, played by Kristen Chenoweth,

[21:44] who sometimes looks like the evil prince.

[21:47] Yeah, he has to go into the dark kingdom.

[21:49] There's a blue fairy that Stuart said a few times,

[21:54] looks like she's made of jizz.

[21:55] She looks like a magic sperm.

[21:57] She's in her normal blue fairy guise.

[22:01] Yeah, she looks like a magic sperm.

[22:02] But she also switches into a weird,

[22:05] kind of opossum-looking creature sometimes.

[22:09] Wait, she's the same thing?

[22:10] Yeah, no, those are the same.

[22:12] She's like a shape-shifter. Wow, okay.

[22:14] So it's like a little opossum mouse, basically.

[22:16] Wait, she was also the opossum?

[22:19] I believe so, unless I missed it.

[22:21] I would say, let's check the tape,

[22:22] but I never want to see that again.

[22:24] Yeah, boy, this movie had a weird quality

[22:27] of being the most simple,

[22:31] like, fucking basic-ass George Lucas story,

[22:35] because he's obsessed with myth,

[22:39] but also impossible to follow.

[22:42] I mean, boredom was probably part of it,

[22:43] like not wanting to follow it,

[22:44] but also, its hackness was only exceeded

[22:49] by its confusingness.

[22:51] And it's one thing to both take a hack premise,

[22:56] but then also to throw in super-cliched songs

[23:00] and music cues that it's like piling crap on top of crap.

[23:04] Yeah, this wanted to be like Moulin Rouge

[23:08] meets Midsummer Night's Dream,

[23:11] but it was just like this weird, frenetic mishmash

[23:14] of just nonsense stuff from all kinds of genres.

[23:19] So at this point, then, like, the love potion gets made,

[23:22] and then the whole point,

[23:24] like everybody's trying to get ahold of this love potion,

[23:26] the Bog King, this tragic figure.

[23:29] Sure, yeah.

[23:30] Voiced by Alan Cumming.

[23:31] Voiced by Alan Cumming.

[23:32] Yeah, the Bog King is the villain

[23:34] for a good portion of the thing,

[23:36] and he is a very just cliche evil guy who sings,

[23:40] who says that I am evil in a song,

[23:42] and he wants to eradicate love.

[23:44] Despite the protests of his Jewish mother, I guess?

[23:48] Yeah, he has a frog that's his mom,

[23:50] and she has a Jewish affectation, yeah.

[23:54] It's, yeah.

[23:55] All mothers are Jewish.

[23:57] I guess.

[23:57] And that's the rule, yeah.

[23:58] I can't decide if this movie seems like-

[23:59] And all fathers are George Lucas, according to this movie.

[24:03] I can't decide if this movie seems like it was written

[24:05] by a child or, like, a 50-year-old drama teacher.

[24:10] Like, it's one of the two.

[24:13] Like, it's, yeah.

[24:14] It's a collaboration between a five-year-old

[24:17] and the worst writer on your show of shows.

[24:20] Right.

[24:21] Yeah, they're like, what songs does Billy dance to

[24:24] when we put on Pandora?

[24:25] We're putting those in the movie.

[24:27] I mean, and I did, like, I asked you guys

[24:30] at one point in the movie, like,

[24:31] if we were 12-year-old girls,

[24:32] would this be the most awesome thing in the world?

[24:34] And it's possible, you know?

[24:36] Like, we are certainly not the target audience

[24:39] of this movie, so.

[24:40] And I can't imagine what it'd be like

[24:41] to be a 12-year-old girl, so.

[24:43] Mm-hmm.

[24:44] There's probably a lot of ponies.

[24:46] Stickers, I imagine, come into it at a certain point.

[24:49] Puppy stickers.

[24:50] Bieber, I don't know.

[24:52] Backpack adornments.

[24:54] Like, a pink cell phone, maybe?

[24:55] Yeah.

[24:56] Oh, cell phones, certainly.

[24:58] But yeah, boy, the characters

[24:59] just talk about love all the time.

[25:01] So I guess-

[25:02] That's the big news in the kingdom.

[25:03] Yeah, I guess.

[25:04] The fifth element, dude.

[25:05] Yeah, the spoilers, the strange magic

[25:07] turns out to be love, like, as does the fifth element.

[25:12] Yeah, mm-hmm.

[25:13] And so, the Bog King, fuck, what happens at this point?

[25:16] Somebody gets ahold of the-

[25:18] The potion accidentally goes on top of,

[25:22] goes on top of, gets splashed all over the younger princess.

[25:26] Technically on top of-

[25:27] Yeah, sure.

[25:28] On top of her skin.

[25:30] And she falls in love with the Bog King.

[25:32] And so, she's going off with him.

[25:36] Like, the older princess thinks that she's been kidnapped,

[25:40] so she goes to find him.

[25:43] And then, like, she discovers what happens

[25:46] and the fact that, like, the younger sister

[25:49] wants to be there.

[25:50] And so, they go looking for some kind of antidote to this.

[25:57] Or an anecdote, which is a mispronunciation you made.

[26:00] And then, they made that joke in the movie.

[26:02] It was crazy.

[26:03] Yeah, they're taking notes from our podcast.

[26:06] Yeah.

[26:07] They're like, people saying the wrong thing is funny.

[26:11] What if someone slightly missaid something?

[26:14] Yeah, boy.

[26:14] And there's a lot of, I think we talked about this.

[26:17] There's an old Patton Oswalt anecdote

[26:19] about him being hired to punch up

[26:21] an already written animated movie.

[26:23] And the only way to do that

[26:24] is to have the characters say things off screen.

[26:27] And there is a shit ton of that in this movie.

[26:29] There is definitely, like,

[26:30] there's these two henchmen characters

[26:33] who I guess we are meant to think are funny.

[26:35] And they-

[26:36] Well, one of them's voiced by Peter Stromare.

[26:38] And I'm assuming the other one's by Super Dave.

[26:41] Oh, yeah.

[26:42] Yeah, Bob Einstein is in this as some character.

[26:45] So, Super Dave must be that guy.

[26:47] Yeah.

[26:48] So, it's probably just the two of them shouting stuff.

[26:50] Yeah, and there's just a moment where them off screen,

[26:51] someone gets a boutonniere,

[26:53] and someone's like, is it boutonniere or buttoniere?

[26:57] Really emphasizing the butt part of it.

[26:59] So, yeah.

[27:00] That's just the kind of-

[27:00] Wait, is the joke butt in ear?

[27:02] Oh, it might be butt in ear.

[27:04] I don't know what that gag is, otherwise.

[27:07] Yeah, I think it's just an excuse to say butt.

[27:09] I think at some point,

[27:12] someone realized that this family comedy

[27:14] did not contain any comedy,

[27:16] and just had these two little guys yell weird things.

[27:19] Yeah.

[27:20] So, I mean, we learn the tragic backstory of the Bog King,

[27:24] because the Sugar Plum Fairy,

[27:26] in the course of explaining how to undo this magic,

[27:29] says, oh, the Bog King used to be in love with this woman.

[27:33] He made the potion to give to her.

[27:36] I mean, a woman, I think you're being a little charitable.

[27:39] It's a frog lady.

[27:40] Yeah.

[27:42] But the frog lady did not fall in love with him

[27:44] because she was in love with someone else,

[27:46] and the only antidote to this potion is true love,

[27:51] is loving somebody else.

[27:53] Just like in real life, dude.

[27:55] Yeah.

[27:56] Yeah, the only antidote to a roofie is to-

[27:58] Fall in love.

[28:00] So, we learn at this point that the Bog King

[28:02] is not so much a villain as a tragic figure.

[28:06] And he and the older sister start to fall in love,

[28:09] which is kind of interesting.

[28:11] Yeah, I think that's a time

[28:13] when the movie kind of surprised me,

[28:15] is that this guy is such a crazy cartoon

[28:17] of a cartoon villain,

[28:18] and they do give him a little depth,

[28:21] and the princess doesn't...

[28:24] You know, I was also expecting a moment

[28:26] where the Bog King gets-

[28:28] Transformed.

[28:29] Douched with some other kind of potion

[28:31] that makes him handsome.

[28:32] Yeah, sure.

[28:32] And that does not happen, so-

[28:34] The thing is, in Beauty and the Beast,

[28:36] the cartoon, of course,

[28:38] the beast before he gets douched-

[28:39] Not the historic event.

[28:43] Not the real news item that happened.

[28:45] Yeah, that happens during the Napoleonic Wars.

[28:48] Before the beast gets douched, when he's still a beast,

[28:50] he's way more, like, I'd sleep with that one.

[28:52] Everyone can agree that the beast is handsomer

[28:56] than Weird Blondo.

[28:58] And definitely more handsome than the Bog King.

[29:01] Yeah.

[29:02] But yeah, both of the princesses end up

[29:05] with kind of unappealing-looking dudes

[29:08] at the end of this movie, which is-

[29:09] Depends on whether or not you like a troll doll

[29:12] that has a little bit of reggae flavor.

[29:15] Ladies, write in.

[29:16] Tell us whether you'd sleep with a reggae troll doll.

[29:18] Yeah, who's more attractive, a reggae troll doll,

[29:21] or a stereotypical Jewish-looking insect man?

[29:29] Whose skin kind of looks like the bark of a tree.

[29:32] Yeah, hit us up on Twitter, ladies.

[29:34] And Spellas, if you're a fella who likes Spellas.

[29:37] Yeah, sure.

[29:39] We do not discriminate when it comes-

[29:40] We want to hear from everybody.

[29:41] To Bog Kings and troll men.

[29:44] Yeah.

[29:45] But anyway, so that all goes down.

[29:49] There's a big, crazy action ending

[29:52] where the troll guy depotionfies the younger sister

[30:00] power of true love

[30:01] uh... uh... the douche prince

[30:05] tries to spray uh... love potion

[30:08] all over the older sister

[30:10] and uh... she

[30:12] for a second it looks like

[30:13] she's been

[30:14] enchanted but it's all a trick she punches him

[30:17] because she's

[30:19] really in love with the bog king

[30:21] and i don't know some song gets sung

[30:23] and the bog king's palace gets destroyed we think the bog king dies

[30:27] he doesn't die he climbs out of the uh... skeleton jaws that smashed him

[30:31] he has a slightly hurt arm

[30:34] uh...

[30:35] yeah it does seem like the douche prince dies

[30:38] it does seem like he is pushed off a cliff i think

[30:41] we don't hear him go i'm ok and there might be an after credits bit where he's

[30:45] like

[30:46] i'll come back and kill you guys in the sequel that everyone wants to see

[30:52] stranger magic or strange days

[30:56] strange days? oh strange days a sequel to this? yeah i think it's a sequel

[31:00] it's in the strange days of hers

[31:03] uh...

[31:04] yeah i know that is a thing that happens i feel like in

[31:07] these cartoon kids movies is

[31:10] the villains will often die horribly

[31:13] and no one seems to have a problem with that like

[31:16] it'll all be g-rated except for yeah someone will die at the end yeah the villain plummeting

[31:20] off something or getting impaled

[31:25] uh... justice is served

[31:28] what goes around comes around

[31:31] heroes just murder a guy the wicked will receive their punishments

[31:37] yeah you know it is you know to talk about the

[31:40] politics of this profoundly stupid movie

[31:43] uh... is interesting because it does like have a little bit of a progressive

[31:47] bent in it in that

[31:48] you know the princesses fall in love with kind of unlikely

[31:52] you know unlikely men and there's a and i think one of the kind of

[31:56] funny

[31:57] fun to watch scenes is when

[31:59] there you know that this little opossum character that may or may not be the

[32:03] blue fairy in disguise

[32:04] uh... is going around just spreading love potion everywhere and then there's

[32:07] like a frog falls in love with a toadstool and a

[32:11] you know dragonfly falls in love with

[32:14] a snake uh... and then a lizard falls in love with uh... the troll doll guy

[32:19] that lizard is going to be fucking heartbroken dude when it realizes

[32:24] the troll guy is going to be with the princess

[32:26] there's no way that the king is going to allow that

[32:30] yeah i wonder what the how progressive their marriage laws are

[32:33] but there is a scene with all this like you know

[32:36] fall in love with who you fall in love with message that they have there is a

[32:40] scene where two male characters accidentally kiss

[32:43] and go like oh gross blah and it's like oh okay like

[32:48] frog fucking is fine but but men don't kiss other men that's gross

[32:54] women lisa

[32:56] boys kiss girls

[33:01] what a weird gore vidal reference that was

[33:05] uh...

[33:07] i don't know what to say about this movie it was very frenetic

[33:11] uh... terrible songs

[33:14] uh... well there were a lot of songs that

[33:16] i guess you probably wouldn't mind if you heard them but

[33:19] so terrible in the context

[33:21] were mostly good song what about uh... what were they dancing to lucy in the

[33:25] sky with diamonds or something and then they got all kaleidoscopic at the end

[33:29] they licensed the beatles song for this i think it was wild thing at the end

[33:34] oh it was a wild thing okay

[33:37] i uh... the

[33:38] i thought the character designs

[33:40] by and large of the heroes were terribly

[33:42] if you see a cgi movie that's like i guess cgi cartoon that's a fantasy movie

[33:48] all of the

[33:50] all of the like hero characters are always like this weird like hallmark

[33:54] card

[33:55] versions of fantasy bullshit

[33:58] and i don't like that at all but the some of the crazy

[34:01] features look cool

[34:02] c the the sad things every time i see like a like a relatively cheap fantasy

[34:07] animated movie

[34:09] in my head i'm always like there's no way the armor would look at that

[34:13] but that's unrealistic completely they wouldn't they would wear that to a dance

[34:17] yeah

[34:18] uh... i don't know if you're aware of this jordan but stewart's a bit of a

[34:20] nerd

[34:21] uh... really

[34:23] yeah i'm a nerd on a podcast

[34:24] but you're a cool cool dude i don't think i'll be a cool dude

[34:28] amongst the nerds of course

[34:30] i'm the coolest nerd

[34:33] i can't

[34:34] that's a tv show dan you can't make that reference

[34:37] uh... i'm still in talks to be on that king of the nerd cv show okay

[34:42] uh... yeah i mean i think i think it's it's a as a it's a lucas production so

[34:46] there is some you know there is some cool design i think yes some of the bad

[34:50] guys do look neat

[34:52] uh... boy yet really really struggling to say some nice about this uh... we

[34:57] should probably in the final judgments about whether this is a good bad movie

[35:00] a bad bad movie or movie kinda like

[35:03] final judgments

[35:05] did you did you did you say that for me this sort of falls a little outside the

[35:09] normal thing to do

[35:10] i think overall it's a bad bad movie because

[35:14] enjoy watching it

[35:16] but it comes a little close to good bad in that

[35:20] it is a baffling thing to watch

[35:22] but it's it's an experience to watch it said

[35:24] it's a

[35:25] misbegotten

[35:26] films that totally like

[35:28] stupid idea like but uh... it none of the pieces that you get the fact that i

[35:33] have this idea of making this like weird

[35:35] very love story cgi animated

[35:39] thing with uh...

[35:41] how all these pop songs

[35:43] stuck in it it's it's just crazy that i think that this is a good idea

[35:46] good idea for a film

[35:48] i feel like if it was just a little bit cheaper or a little bit a bit like

[35:53] creepily design like a little more creepily designed i would say it's a good

[35:57] bad movie

[35:58] but i think it's just bad like it's not

[36:00] it's not

[36:01] there's nothing quite crazy enough for me to say go out and watch this when

[36:05] there's food fight

[36:06] for you to go out and watch instead

[36:08] yet this this doesn't it

[36:10] this doesn't like

[36:11] it doesn't really like something left food fight all that i guess i i have not

[36:15] seem to only know of it from your guys' podcast about it

[36:18] like it doesn't seem like this was done by

[36:21] you know amateurs it's not like a room or something like that where it's like

[36:24] oh this was someone who tried to make a movie who didn't know how like this is

[36:27] clearly done by

[36:29] talented people who

[36:31] just decided not to do a second draft of anything you know it seems like it

[36:35] you know when you get to be a lucas or a woody allen or something just you get to

[36:38] be a point where no one tells you know

[36:40] let's do another pass on that or this is not the best idea like it just seems

[36:44] like it's a you know

[36:45] megalomaniacs jack off session

[36:49] uh... and that is meant to be a kids movie

[36:53] uh... so yeah i think i i am i am saying bad bad i had one genuine laugh where

[36:57] there was a party sequence

[36:59] and the reggae troll doll stole someone's ice cream cone just a random

[37:03] extra he just took his ice cream cone and that

[37:05] uh... that just random characters started to cry

[37:08] uh... that for some reason uh...

[37:10] struck me as actually funny but i think i was just groping for something to

[37:14] enjoy you were punch drunk at that point yeah exactly

[37:17] uh... so yeah again i'm i'm i'm also saying uh... bad bad movie uh...

[37:22] without

[37:23] uh... yeah no no reason to explore this even if you are a

[37:27] lucas a file or something like that

[37:29] uh...

[37:31] so it's a crew of terrible thing to have to admit yeah

[37:34] uh... now we did and we do

[37:37] letters letters from listening around the next but it's not here to sing a

[37:41] letter songs it's the

[37:43] letters part

[37:45] uh...

[37:46] all right now is that it was as good as it does

[37:49] now it's uh... i would say it was tight

[37:52] when i read those letters

[37:56] panties get wetter

[37:59] i don't like this i like this saucy new letters song shiny white paper

[38:03] i don't like the way that stewart's staring at me

[38:07] my day couldn't get better hopefully they're not groaners so then we all get

[38:12] boners

[38:15] perfect okay it was our time to shine

[38:18] i think we did great yeah super erotic anyway

[38:22] so this uh... letter

[38:24] is from scott

[38:26] who writes

[38:27] stewart

[38:28] hey

[38:30] scott can't hear you what's up

[38:34] scott are you there what's going on

[38:35] he doesn't understand do you still not know how letters work

[38:40] you guys have been doing this long enough he says stewart can you speak

[38:44] can you speak the rest of the episode in german

[38:47] danke scott

[38:49] uh... nay ich kann nur ein kleines bisschen deutsch sprechen

[38:53] uh... ich hab so viel vergessen

[38:56] uh... so i hope that meant something

[39:00] stewart where did you learn german

[39:03] in germany

[39:03] uh... i spent a semester i spent like six months over there and i took a couple

[39:07] years

[39:09] uh... it's not a particularly exciting story and then i worked in a german beer

[39:12] hall for a few years

[39:14] and you people wanted to order in german

[39:16] uh... no i mainly use it to correct people's pronunciation like a jerk

[39:21] oh great awesome

[39:22] yeah world needs more of those every once in a while i'd have a guy come up and try

[39:26] and order something in german and there's a guy who insisted only in

[39:29] speaking german to the waitress and the waitress

[39:32] would

[39:33] uh... usually just direct them to me and i would start talking to the guy and a

[39:36] couple times i'm like

[39:38] this guy isn't even german his pronunciations terrible why is he

[39:41] insisting on speaking german to me

[39:44] quite a story

[39:46] yeah

[39:47] and you killed that man you throttled him

[39:49] i waited until he left the bar a little bit drunk and then i hit him in the head

[39:53] with a kosh

[39:54] you

[39:57] it's actually pronounced kosh

[39:59] sorry

[40:00] I don't know. I don't know. I'm going to wait till you leave and then it's a blackjack to the back.

[40:04] You and your partner stuffed him in a trunk and then had a dinner party while Jimmy Stewart slowly

[40:09] got more and more suspicious. This letter is from CORE. Last letter withheld. I think it's CORE,

[40:17] you guys. I think that's... Okay. Who writes, Dear Floppers, I recently have acquired a son

[40:24] and an interest in the Flop House. I know better than to expose him to the show,

[40:29] but it appears he's been listening from the living room every day while I make supper.

[40:33] I know this because he, four years old, recently crab walked into the kitchen going

[40:39] in a weird Tim Curry kind of way. I asked what he was doing and he told me he was the floppy house

[40:44] cat. So that's one thing. The other thing was he asked me to make up a story for him about Dan and

[40:50] Elliot. Sorry, Stewart, not you. When doing the voice for Dan, he would correct me and tell me to

[41:00] make it sadder. No, sadder. Until I sounded like Eeyore, but with brain damage, maybe.

[41:07] I find you three entertaining, but for obvious reasons, I don't want my son to emulate you.

[41:11] So if you could maybe say on the show a message telling him it's all pretended that you aren't

[41:14] normal, I could play for him and I think it would help in his personal development. Thanks.

[41:19] Uh, we don't know his name. He'll hear us. What do people name their shitty kids these days?

[41:24] Pistol. Trigger. Bucket. Yeah, I don't know about this. I'm sorry I called your kid shitty. He's

[41:31] probably fine. Not emulating us. I mean, you know, yeah, we've we've made it. I mean, what

[41:37] would you rather your kid grow up to be? Yeah, we've carved a teacher, an engineer, a lumberjack,

[41:44] a doctor helping the sick, a priest who helps people with religion.

[41:52] So keep on listening. That's where I say Corey's child. Yeah. Be be like us.

[41:59] Yep. Be like Elliot. Yeah. Don't listen to your dad. Now imagine dad furiously trying to stop

[42:04] it. You won't have previewed this at all. Yeah. Don't listen to your dad. Pursue a career in

[42:10] podcasting, television writing and bar ownership.

[42:14] One of those three things. Some combination. Yeah. I hope this is helpful. It's weird that he picked

[42:23] up the Flophouse cat thing. Like that seems to be a pretty I mean, I know it's a beloved running

[42:28] joke, but I mean, it's a pretty particular thing. Sound effects are very dear to children's hearts.

[42:34] That's true. Maybe they would have liked that part like a slide with strange magic where

[42:40] the princess stepped on a balloon and a fart sound happened. I love that part.

[42:44] Yeah. You did actually legitimately laugh at that. I was like, that sounds like Bantha Poodoo. Yeah.

[42:51] Yeah. There was a lot of just like desperately trying to cram in something that resembled comedy

[42:56] or references to Star Wars. Oh, yeah. There were a couple of references to Star Wars,

[43:01] weren't there? So he's blocking. So she's blindfolded and practicing sword fighting.

[43:06] The king of the fairies looks like George Lucas. I thought he should be wearing a little flannel

[43:11] shirt. I thought that would have been cute. That's it, though. Right. Is there anything else? I don't

[43:16] know. Yeah. Who cares? Hi, this is Dave Hill from Dave Hill's podcasting incident on the Maximum Fun

[43:27] Network. I'm here with my lovely and talented secretary, Miss Shana Feinberg. Shana, I understand

[43:33] you've been doing a bit of research to find out what listeners think of the show. Yes, I have,

[43:37] Dave. And what have you found? Well, people that love it say they love it because it's just Dave

[43:42] hanging out with someone in his apartment. Awesome. What do people that hate it say?

[43:47] They hate it because it's just Dave hanging out with someone in his apartment. Oh, listen to Dave

[43:52] Hill's podcasting incident on the Maximum Fun Network. Was that too much? No, I think it was

[43:59] perfect. This letter is from Robert, last name withheld, who writes, while listening to one of

[44:17] your recent episodes, I had a brilliant movie idea that I'd love to hear your thoughts on.

[44:21] We'll be the judge. Robert Rodriguez, I'm sure. What if I shot a movie in my house in front of

[44:26] a green screen in Austin? Yeah, great idea, Robert Rodriguez. Those always work out great.

[44:33] It is based on a true story, namely the true story that you guys sit around a lot riffing

[44:37] on silly movie ideas. The name of the movie is, of course, Three Ninjas Kick Back to the Future.

[44:43] Despite not yet existing, Three Ninjas Kick Back to the Future is already my fourth favorite movie,

[44:48] second only to Invisible Family, Head of the Maniac, and Powder. Those are, wow, august company.

[44:55] But I have a couple of questions for you about it. Seriously, why does 3NKBTTF not exist yet?

[45:05] When it does, what do you think it'll be like? Please feel free to riff for anywhere between

[45:11] 30 seconds and 90 minutes as you see fit. I'll wait, says the keyboard, for appropriate amount

[45:16] of time. I mean, if we were ninjas, why would we have to go back in time? Wait,

[45:26] the Ninja Turtles did that already. Wait, hold on. Wait, are you guys Rocky, Colton,

[45:31] Tum Tum in this situation? Wait, are those the names of the three ninjas? Those are the names

[45:35] of the three ninjas. Tum Tum? Tum Tum is the hungry one. The youngest, hungriest ninja.

[45:43] No, I was imagining a chubby ninja. Uh, I don't know. I think he's probably a little

[45:47] chubbier than the other ones, but he's still in good shape because of all the karate.

[45:50] But yeah, he has a really high metabolism. But he's just eating a lot of dumplings or something.

[45:54] Yeah. Or whatever, like Cheetos. Whatever kids can eat. Oh yeah, the three ninjas are all white.

[46:00] So yeah, they actually don't like dumplings that much. I've got something embarrassing

[46:03] to admit to you guys. What's that? I've never seen the three ninjas. You don't know who the

[46:07] three ninjas are? Not even High Noon at Mega Mountain? So are they modern day ninjas? So the

[46:13] three ninjas, best I can remember. Okay. One of my favorite genres as a kid was child knows karate.

[46:20] That's why I love sidekicks. Yeah, sure. Featuring the late Jonathan Brandes.

[46:25] So yeah. Actual sidekicks. So three ninjas, I guess, is some sort of hybrid of that sort of

[46:30] movie and Home Alone, where three kids who know karate have to deflect surfer dude burglars with

[46:38] a series of traps and then something else. So the point break burglars. Yeah, kind of. Yeah,

[46:44] this was definitely the era of the like, whoa, dude, I mean, whoa, we got to get back to that.

[46:50] The most extreme sport is stealing things from kids. Yes. These guys like street luge, BMX bikes

[46:59] and stealing from children. Yeah, so this was the era of that kind of character. And then they

[47:05] fought kids and then something else. And I know that there were like a lot of direct-to-DVD sequels

[47:11] for it. Yeah. I mean, I knew that they kicked back. Well, they did a naked run. Yeah.

[47:16] You know what? Literally this, like right now, I just now got the pun in the three ninjas kick

[47:22] back. Oh yeah? Yeah. You thought it was just about them relaxing? Well, that's like, no,

[47:27] I didn't. I did. That second meeting did not occur to me. Yeah, I'm very slow is what I'm

[47:31] saying. You didn't think they could use their feet? No, I got the kick back. It's more a Taekwondo

[47:37] thing. I think they kick back, they attack back, but didn't get the relaxation. Oh, okay. Part of

[47:44] it. So wait, if they're kicking back to the future, are they going back in time to like relax?

[47:49] Yeah. Okay. Maybe it's a maybe like maybe it could be just like a total retcon of the series. I mean,

[47:56] I think that's happening a lot these days. I mean, we had Terminator Genisys, which erased the

[48:01] bad Terminator movies that we didn't like. Sure. By being a great Terminator movie?

[48:06] By being a slightly worse, slightly not as bad Terminator movie. And then the Star Wars. Yeah.

[48:13] Yeah. Star Trek. Sorry. Yeah. Star Trek. And I guess I was going to say X-Men Apocalypse

[48:16] erased all the bad X-Men movies. So what if, you know, we have an older Rocky Colton Tumtum.

[48:23] Sure. A little grizzled. Yeah. Yeah. Tumtum is actually fat now. One has an eye patch. Yeah.

[48:28] And then they get a some sort of talisman or something. I'm going to say talisman. It could

[48:32] be a... They pee in a magic fountain. Yeah, that too. And they go and like they stop their

[48:38] younger selves from becoming karate celebrities. Yeah. Because they know about the path of debauchery

[48:44] that it leads to. Sure. All the lives shattered. Sure. Yeah. The cocaine and hookers that come with

[48:51] being a child karate celebrity. So does this help, Dan? Do you know more about Three Ninjas now?

[48:55] Oh, certainly. I'm glad. I'm just glad that I chose to read this letter

[48:59] when we had a Three Ninjas expert. Yeah. America's foremost Three Ninjas expert.

[49:06] Yeah. I teach Three Ninjas studies at Cornell.

[49:11] I was going to say the learning annex. So I'm glad that you're much more accredited.

[49:14] It's at Cornell. Yeah. I wrote a paper called Tumtum is the Raging Id.

[49:22] The Raging Id in all of us. Let's read. What?

[49:28] Ourselves into the future, guys. Triumphantly. Let's read this next last letter.

[49:37] It's from Thomas, last name withheld, who says, Hey, floppers.

[49:41] Thomas Dolby. He blinded me with letters. Blinded me with letters.

[49:50] Everyone knows your favorite times of year are small timber,

[49:53] Shocktober and Cagemas. So I thought, why not increase the joy with more theme months?

[49:58] Here are some suggestions.

[50:00] Pfft.

[50:01] Kablamuary.

[50:02] That's action movies.

[50:03] Okay.

[50:04] Okay.

[50:05] Uh, fe- kablamuary.

[50:06] All right, wait, that's- what- all right, what- what month is that-

[50:12] Are you okay, January?

[50:13] What month is that replacing?

[50:14] That's what I'm wondering.

[50:15] Does anyone know?

[50:16] Kablamuary?

[50:17] January?

[50:18] Well, it's replacing blamuary.

[50:19] Okay.

[50:20] Yeah, it's kablamuary.

[50:21] Because Jan doesn't sound like kablam, but anyway, let's-

[50:22] Yeah, that's a stretch.

[50:23] Yeah, let's move on.

[50:24] That's a stretch.

[50:25] Feb-buary.

[50:26] Feb-buary.

[50:28] Oh, okay.

[50:29] Wait, Feb-

[50:30] You're saying it weird.

[50:31] Hold on.

[50:32] Feb-bu-hu-ary.

[50:33] Okay.

[50:34] Tearjerkers.

[50:35] Okay.

[50:36] Uh, deep roll.

[50:37] Artsy movies.

[50:38] I don't- yeah, I don't know about that one.

[50:39] Yeah.

[50:40] Skoolai.

[50:41] That's July.

[50:42] Uh, topic should be obvious.

[50:43] Yeah, but school movies?

[50:44] Yeah.

[50:45] You know, summer school.

[50:46] Yeah, okay.

[50:47] Ski school.

[50:48] Hollywood is- yep, those are all super current movies.

[50:49] We're on-

[50:50] Just kidding.

[50:51] Just kidding.

[50:53] I mean, I guess The Boy Next Door.

[50:54] Yeah, these are all good movies, though.

[50:55] There's not been a bad movie made about school, not even Dangerous Minds.

[50:56] Uh, Gafaggest.

[50:57] That's comedies.

[50:58] And Brovember, movies about men.

[50:59] March, May, and June are all one syllable.

[51:00] Yeah, because there's no movies about men out there.

[51:01] You think it's funny?

[51:02] I don't know.

[51:03] You don't know.

[51:04] But I know-

[51:05] You don't know.

[51:06] I know.

[51:07] Yeah.

[51:08] I know.

[51:09] I know.

[51:10] I know.

[51:11] I know.

[51:12] I know.

[51:13] I know.

[51:14] I know.

[51:15] I know.

[51:16] I know.

[51:17] I know.

[51:18] I know.

[51:19] I know.

[51:20] I know.

[51:21] There are enough fat men out there.

[51:22] Would you think you need to devote a month to awareness of-

[51:24] Yeah, I mean, it's going to be tough finding movies that fit that category.

[51:27] Yeah.

[51:28] He pushes on March, May, and June because he says that one syllable-

[51:31] Those are wild cards?

[51:32] It's tough to make them work as puns.

[51:35] But anywho, I look forward to hearing episodes from all these theme months of the future

[51:39] and, of course, learning the stupid theme based Final Judgements.

[51:42] You can cocksure for each of them.

[51:43] Sincerely, Thomas Last Thing with hell.

[51:46] Thanks, Thomas Dalby.

[51:47] Hm.

[51:48] So what?

[51:49] We're on to KaBlamuary next?

[51:50] Yeah.

[51:51] Uh, wait, what's the next- well, we're in- wait, are we in School I?

[51:55] I guess Smallvember is next on your-

[51:57] Oh, wait, no, this is Cajun.

[51:58] There's no August one?

[51:59] Uh, August.

[52:00] I think you do Floggist, where you do S&M themed movies and just watch Fifty Shades

[52:05] of Grey over and over again.

[52:06] Yep, and, uh-

[52:07] Foggist, where we watch The Fog Remake and nothing else.

[52:14] It's part two of our exploration of The Fog Remake.

[52:17] We really want to get into it.

[52:19] Our yearly exploration.

[52:20] Yeah.

[52:21] You just do like those guys who do Star Wars a minute at a time, but do it with The Fog

[52:25] Remake.

[52:26] Wow.

[52:27] Just dive.

[52:28] Don't watch what you say on there, too.

[52:30] Yeah, it's true.

[52:31] We did launch, uh, inadvertently, Stuart launched a podcast that examined a talking cat minute

[52:38] by minute.

[52:39] A great podcast, recognized by the Onion AV Club.

[52:41] Yeah.

[52:42] A talking cat podcast examining the movie A Talking Cat called A Talking Cast?

[52:48] They came up with a name first.

[52:51] They even got, I think, the writer on that show, the writer of the movie, is in the final

[52:55] episode.

[52:56] Did you listen to it?

[52:57] Yeah, it's great.

[52:58] What did he have to say about it?

[52:59] Uh, he seems like-

[53:00] Give me the CliffsNotes.

[53:01] I'm not going to give you the CliffsNotes on an episode of our show, but I'll just say

[53:05] that it was, like, he seemed like it was not his fault as much as David de Cocteau that,

[53:11] like, made it crazier.

[53:12] Okay.

[53:13] Well, I'm sure that either of them could have passed the buck if they wanted to.

[53:18] It's all Eric Roberts' fault.

[53:19] Would have been a great movie.

[53:20] It's all that damn cat.

[53:21] Was he the voice of the cat, Eric Roberts?

[53:24] Yeah, yeah.

[53:25] He delivers an amazing performance.

[53:28] If you listen to any bad movie podcast, I'm sure they've done an episode on A Talking

[53:32] Cat.

[53:33] Yeah, it's an amazing bad movie.

[53:35] We can't recommend that one enough.

[53:38] Is it room birdemic quality bad?

[53:40] Yeah.

[53:41] Okay.

[53:42] Yeah.

[53:43] It's not dead space, but it's that kind of, like, brilliantly bad dead space rather than-

[53:49] Yeah, there's a driving scene that seems to take up 10 minutes in the middle of the movie.

[53:54] Yeah.

[53:55] It's like that rule of, like, you know, if something happens 35 times, it's funny.

[54:00] That pushes boredom so far that you're like, why is this happening?

[54:05] Who did this?

[54:06] Yeah.

[54:07] Why did they do it?

[54:08] It's like how there's so much parking in Birdemic.

[54:10] Exactly.

[54:11] Just watching someone-

[54:12] Is this a driving video?

[54:14] Yeah.

[54:15] Um, so, uh, I hope that helped everyone, I guess.

[54:20] We learned the fucking months, okay.

[54:22] Yeah.

[54:23] That's right.

[54:25] We learned the months.

[54:26] We learned the months.

[54:27] We learned about three ninjas.

[54:28] Yeah.

[54:29] So, play it for that kid.

[54:30] Who we're talking about.

[54:31] Yeah.

[54:32] See?

[54:33] There you go.

[54:34] You can learn what months are which.

[54:35] Yep.

[54:36] Mix up his months.

[54:37] Yeah.

[54:38] And now he knows basically what Three Ninjas is about without having to watch it.

[54:39] Uh-huh.

[54:40] Or he'll know now if it's up his alley.

[54:41] Sure.

[54:42] Okay.

[54:43] I think that sounds good.

[54:44] You gotta watch that.

[54:45] Uh, so, it's time for the final segment on the show, which is where we recommend movies

[54:51] that we liked, rather than Strange Magic.

[54:55] Jordan, I know you're a listener.

[54:57] I hope that you remembered that this was a segment.

[54:59] I did, yes.

[55:00] Uh, but I'll go first.

[55:01] I watched a movie called The Super Cops, which was, um, uh, Edgar Wright did a night where

[55:08] he was programming Turner Classic movies.

[55:10] Yeah.

[55:12] And, uh, he showed a few movies that I'd seen already.

[55:16] I forget what they were, but I didn't tape those because I knew them, but I'd never heard

[55:20] of The Super Cops.

[55:21] It's from 1974, and it's based on a real, um, a real pair of New York cops who were

[55:31] known as Batman and Robin at the time, uh, due to, like, how many-

[55:36] Their costumes?

[55:37] No, they made a-

[55:38] Due to their ambiguous gay relationship?

[55:39] Made a lot of buffs.

[55:40] Yeah, father-son weird relationship.

[55:41] Um, and it was, uh, directed by Gordon Parks, who made Shaft, and it was written, pardon

[55:46] me, by Lorenzo Semple Jr., who is an interesting writer.

[55:50] He, uh, wrote, he helped create the, the Batman, uh, TV series, so it's weird that he worked

[55:59] on this movie about cops that were, uh, nicknamed Batman and Robin, but he wrote the, uh, the

[56:06] Anthony Perkins movie Pretty Poison, he wrote, uh, Papillon, he wrote The Parallax View,

[56:16] The Drowning Pool, Three Days of the Condor, uh-

[56:20] Wait, Drowning Pool?

[56:21] That rock and roll band that sings Let the Bodies Hit the Floor?

[56:24] No, not that.

[56:25] Uh, Flash Gordon, Never Say Never Again.

[56:26] Is that the one that starts, wah!

[56:27] No, that's-

[56:28] No, that's Down with the Sickness, I'm sorry.

[56:31] Yeah.

[56:33] He's an interesting screenwriter, and this, uh, movie is sort of interesting, it's, it's,

[56:37] it's very much based on sort of, um, incidents, it doesn't have a strong, like, forward plot,

[56:43] it's more like, uh, just a bunch of almost blackout sketches of these guys, uh, these

[56:50] rookie cops trying to make names for themselves, uh, they would, like, make busts when they're

[56:55] off duty and get in trouble with their, uh, commanding officers and do all the, do various

[57:00] crazy things because they were, uh, very interested in, in, in just rising through

[57:04] the ranks and busting people in any way that they could, and they're kind of, like, interesting

[57:10] heroes because, on the one hand, they're fighting against police corruption, uh, throughout

[57:16] a lot of the movie, on the other hand, they're kind of assholes who are genuine loose cannons

[57:21] with no interest in the, uh, chain of command.

[57:24] So, by calling them Batman and Robin, it's a telling commentary on those characters as

[57:29] well.

[57:30] Yeah.

[57:31] Yeah.

[57:32] Vigilanteism.

[57:33] What, what does it really get us?

[57:34] Do.

[57:35] Giant, uh, two-faced pennies.

[57:36] Escalation.

[57:37] That's what happens.

[57:38] Dinosaurs.

[57:39] Yeah.

[57:40] What else is in his Batcave?

[57:41] Uh.

[57:42] A butler?

[57:43] A card.

[57:44] A giant joker card.

[57:45] Yeah.

[57:46] Um, so anyway, it's a fun 1970s, uh, cop movie.

[57:49] I liked it a lot.

[57:50] It's called The Super Cops.

[57:52] The Super Cops.

[57:53] Jordan, why don't you go next?

[57:55] Yeah, sure.

[57:56] I, uh, saw a really, uh, really funny kind of mumblecore-y movie called The Overnight.

[58:02] Uh, this is starring Adam Scott, Taylor Schilling, um, oh gosh.

[58:07] She's so hot right now.

[58:09] Uh, what's his face?

[58:10] Jason Schwartzman and a French actress whose name I will mispronounce now, Judith Gaudrièche.

[58:16] Gaudrièche?

[58:17] Sure, why not?

[58:18] Help me out, Stuart.

[58:19] Say it a couple more times.

[58:20] You speak German?

[58:21] Uh, it's Gaudrièche.

[58:22] Gaud?

[58:23] Yeah, just say it like you don't know what you're saying.

[58:25] Goat rash.

[58:26] Uh, it's neat.

[58:27] It's about a kind of, uh, couple of, kind of, uh, yuppie, a, a two yuppie couples who,

[58:32] uh, you know, kind of have this wild party and push their sexual boundaries.

[58:37] Um, uh, yeah, and it's, uh, it's genuinely really funny and, and it doesn't do that thing

[58:43] where some mumblecore movies do where it's like, why the fuck are we watching this?

[58:49] It has a, it has a pretty, you know, a pretty tight story, a pretty tight arc, and it doesn't

[58:53] seem like it's just, you know, Lucy Goose improvising.

[58:56] It has a lot of genuinely really hilarious moments.

[58:59] And, uh, yeah, it's nice if you feel like, uh, if you feel a little summer movie blockbuster

[59:03] fatigue, if you're tired of all the superheroes and explosions and you want to see an adult

[59:08] comedy, uh, I hate that argument for seeing movies, but I'm genuinely giving it now.

[59:14] It is a nice little, uh, nice little digestif to, uh, to, uh, to the summer rock'em sock'em

[59:20] fair.

[59:21] Uh, but yeah, really good use of Jason Schwartzman too.

[59:24] I, I think he, uh, he, as often as I've liked him in things, he's rubbed me the wrong way.

[59:30] Uh, but I think they use his, uh, his, you know, the little, little spice of douchebaggery

[59:37] that he has naturally and use it in a good way and help it to create a really cool, funny,

[59:42] interesting character.

[59:43] So.

[59:44] I can see that.

[59:45] Yeah.

[59:46] It's a hoot.

[59:47] Certified hoot.

[59:48] Yeah.

[59:50] Uh, I'm going to recommend a movie that is also a little bit of a mumblecore movie.

[59:54] It's described as a comedy.

[59:56] It's kind of funny.

[59:57] Um, and.

[1:00:00] You mentioned kind of the pitfalls of like a mumblecore style movie and I think this movie suffers a little bit from it

[1:00:07] It's a movie called results

[1:00:09] directed by Andrew Bujowski who I guess is one of the forefathers of

[1:00:14] Yeah, that's that's funny. Haha is one of his yeah, and I think I think computer chess

[1:00:20] Yeah, you're right. And this is a movie that stars

[1:00:24] Guy Pearce from the movie Space Jail. Mm-hmm as a personal trainer

[1:00:29] And also cold is he his same character from Space Jail

[1:00:32] He doesn't use the same voice. He uses I think an Australian accent. I'm not sure

[1:00:37] Yeah, he puts on an Australian accent

[1:00:40] and Kobe Smulders

[1:00:43] smolders

[1:00:45] First person ever to make that fun. Yeah

[1:00:48] Yeah, so Colby's mother's is Luke warm in the role

[1:00:53] It also features a Giovanni Rabisi

[1:01:02] And it also features a great performance by Kevin Corrigan who it's always good

[1:01:07] Yeah, no laughs there, huh? You respect Kevin Corrigan, but not Giovanni Rabisi

[1:01:12] and it's

[1:01:14] It's kind of a story about a personal trainer who owns a gym and he wants to open up a bigger gym

[1:01:20] And he has kind of a mixed relationship with one of his trainers played by Kobe Smulders and a

[1:01:30] Millionaire a recent millionaire who's lonely and recently divorced moves into town and in an attempt to like make friends

[1:01:38] Joins this gym and it kind of it starts kind of pushing everybody in various directions

[1:01:43] and there's definitely points where you're like, this isn't super funny and

[1:01:49] The characters aren't like 100% likable

[1:01:52] But that's part of the charm is that they're all like likably flawed a little bit

[1:01:57] and by the end

[1:01:58] I feel like you're kind of rooting for them and there's at least a little bit of a believable romance angle to it

[1:02:03] I'm like the movie we watched today

[1:02:06] But you do have to have a little bit of patience for that sort of thing for that mumble cord sort of thing

[1:02:11] Yeah, you guys see Terminator

[1:02:18] I

[1:02:19] sort of honestly thought about it just cuz like as we said before like I'm on hiatus for two weeks as are you and

[1:02:26] I was just like, I don't know. Maybe yeah like during the day. Maybe why not? Did you see it?

[1:02:32] I did it's a it is a it's a certified mess. It's a real it's a real mess

[1:02:38] They definitely there's so much time travel mumbo-jumbo in it

[1:02:42] Like, you know, we have to return to the flux points to reset to the you know temporal flux flux

[1:02:49] They just say flux a lot

[1:02:51] That aside the action shits really cool

[1:02:54] And if you can if you can approach it like this is gonna be a hoot and not right. Will this be good?

[1:03:00] I think is it better than salvation because I almost walked out of salvation. Yeah, it is terrible

[1:03:06] It is it is goofy and fun where salvation is

[1:03:10] Boring and overly serious. So yeah, it definitely has some of the goofy charm of the original terminators

[1:03:14] And yeah, definitely worth it worth an afternoon matinee. I think if you enjoy

[1:03:19] robots punching each other and

[1:03:22] Europeans trying to keep their American accents, that's the thing about

[1:03:26] Terminator 3 which is not a great movie, but it's a movie that does feature Arnold Schwarzenegger like

[1:03:32] Head-slamming a woman Terminator into a toilet

[1:03:35] Sure

[1:03:37] Terminator 3 on like I was on IFC recently over there playing two and three back-to-back a couple times and

[1:03:44] It's got like goofy stuff that I kind of enjoy like when it

[1:03:48] you know plays on the scene from Terminator 2 where he like walks into the biker bar and this time he like walks into

[1:03:53] a gay bar and he was just like he basically walks out with the same outfit like the same leather outfit and

[1:03:59] Then there's like the big

[1:04:01] Chase with the the the truck with the like it's like a construction truck versus a fire truck

[1:04:08] Look, that's a pretty good action sequence like a classic

[1:04:13] Traditional

[1:04:14] non-cgi

[1:04:16] Like just big trucks fighting each other action sequence and that uh, and the lady Terminator is played by what Chris and a lock-in

[1:04:22] Yeah from blood rain

[1:04:25] Herself certified great movie rains down charm on the screen

[1:04:31] Yeah, this is the Genesis is closer to t3 and it's in its tone. And yeah, I think it's a it's pretty fun

[1:04:37] He's getting really really dragged through the muck. But I mean, I I like a good like goofball action film. Yeah

[1:04:45] Sounds good. Let's all go right now. Yeah

[1:04:49] I'll pay for one of us with my all about Steve money that one of us is me before we go

[1:04:55] Jordan as a guest. Is there anything you'd like to plug? This is gonna come out

[1:05:00] This weekend sure. Hey, I do a podcast as you mentioned. It's called Jordan Jesse go it's on the max fun Network as is this show

[1:05:09] Give it a give it a check out. Dan's been on an episode

[1:05:12] Stewart you can be on an episode if you ever come to LA. I don't know if Jesse will allow

[1:05:16] Yeah, you might not it might be too many cool dudes in one confined space

[1:05:22] And yeah, I'm a writer on at midnight comes on midnight on Comedy Central's Monday through Thursday

[1:05:28] What time's it on it comes on at midnight? Yeah, so yeah, you can watch that if you enjoy television programs

[1:05:36] That is such a hacky joke

[1:05:40] Yeah, okay, thanks dad nice impression

[1:05:47] Don't eat some garbage

[1:05:53] Hearing a mirror, yeah

[1:05:58] So my goal has been fulfilled which is to get Jordan comfortable enough with Stewart

[1:06:11] So I think that it's that means it's time to end the show

[1:06:14] For the flop house. I've been Dan McCoy. Hey, I've been Stewart Wellington and in the third chair today

[1:06:21] Jordan Morris, good night everyone

[1:06:24] by

[1:06:28] Oh

[1:06:32] So, all right, yeah, so I'll introduce myself let's do then do you have to sing the theme song?

[1:06:46] Can't sound like the MIDI version. Yeah, this is we have for the flop house Game Boy game

[1:06:51] And

[1:06:57] Like jumping like this also warming up so your warrior for some weird reason you guys are not characters great character

[1:07:06] Hello buddies. I'm Travis McElroy and I'm Andy bolt and we're the host of bunker buddies

[1:07:10] We're a podcast where we're amateur survivalists and we talk about things like the apocalypse and we talk about zombies and preparedness

[1:07:18] Where when it's the apocalypse and you have no idea if you don't listen to our show

[1:07:22] It comes out every Wednesdays on maximum fun org and on iTunes

[1:07:25] Sometimes we try weird foods or we talk about where to camp or how to avoid getting eaten or any of these things

[1:07:31] Yeah, so listen to us because it might just save your life. We'll see you in the bunker

Ep. #182 - Strange Magic

Transcript

Description