Ep. #183 - Left Behind

[0:00] On this episode, we watch Left Behind.

[0:03] Uh, is it about butts? I know that's what you like.

[0:06] Yeah, it's about the left butt cheek.

[0:30] Hey everyone, welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:37] It's about time. I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:41] Enough of these dudes. Welcome Elliot Kalin into your hearts.

[0:44] And now, for the star, Hallie Haglund.

[0:48] Hey, real swoopin' in with coup de tas.

[0:53] Not even an and featuring?

[0:56] No, just the star.

[0:57] Or and introducing?

[0:59] So, Hallie, as the star of the show, what's different now that you're the star?

[1:03] I guess it's a lot of pressure on you, huh?

[1:05] Yeah, you're really carrying this thing.

[1:06] I don't know. I think I'm the kind of star that you don't realize the storyline is really about at the beginning.

[1:12] And then all of a sudden you're like, why does she keep catching my attention?

[1:16] I mean, usually the star you know right away because you recognize them.

[1:19] It's like a Tinker, Taylor, Soldier, Spy type situation where you know it's Colin Firth the whole time because all the other suspects...

[1:25] I thought that was Gary Oldman.

[1:26] Gary Oldman's in it.

[1:28] Gary Oldman.

[1:29] It's the quickest route.

[1:31] The sequel to Gary Unmarried.

[1:33] Gary Dying Alone is what it's called.

[1:37] Gary Oldman.

[1:39] Gary Oldman, look at your life.

[1:42] That's Neil Young's song, ironically.

[1:46] I'm alive like Gary.

[1:49] So this is a podcast. I probably don't need to reiterate that part of it.

[1:53] Yeah.

[1:54] Where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[1:57] And now you listen to it.

[1:59] And we've got a special guest for your ears. You'll never guess who it is.

[2:02] It's me.

[2:04] The star of the show, Allie Haglund.

[2:07] Special guest, star of the show.

[2:10] It's one of those shows like Blake 7 or something where the star, in quotes, doesn't appear for most of the episodes.

[2:18] Yeah, so I guess I'll leave.

[2:21] See you later.

[2:22] Gotta go.

[2:23] Walk, walk, walk away.

[2:25] Slams giant vault door.

[2:28] Sound effects of hoverboats.

[2:31] Just imagine what that sounds like.

[2:33] How does Allie travel everywhere in a hoverboat?

[2:36] Is that like a hovercraft or is it a boat that also hovers?

[2:39] Hey, man.

[2:40] Is it like an enchanted pirate ship?

[2:42] Yeah, it's like a Flying Dutchman type thing that actually flies.

[2:45] No, it's like what you travel through the Everglades with.

[2:48] Because I'm a bayou baby.

[2:50] That's why you're wearing cut-off shorts.

[2:53] And have a big machete knife in your hand.

[2:55] And have a gator tooth necklace.

[2:57] Yeah, I have this gator around my neck.

[2:59] That's a lot of teeth.

[3:02] Gator stole.

[3:04] It's so uncomfortable, so knobbly.

[3:07] Yeah, she flies around in that ship that Bowser has from Super Mario World.

[3:11] He has a ship?

[3:12] It's a flying pirate ship.

[3:14] Oh, okay.

[3:16] I thought it was the fan boat that Bayou Billy drove around in.

[3:19] That's a different boat.

[3:20] Bowser uses that when he's on vacation.

[3:23] So we settled that.

[3:25] Yep, so we know that Halley's a bayou babe.

[3:28] Just hunting Nutria to sell their pelts.

[3:34] Picking crawdads out of the water and just sucking them down.

[3:38] Raw.

[3:39] Yep.

[3:40] So this is the fourth most popular.

[3:43] The real swamp person.

[3:45] What?

[3:46] I use snakes for toothpicks.

[3:49] What do you like?

[3:50] You like whip them out and they stay.

[3:52] You freeze them?

[3:53] I think they're toothpicks.

[3:56] You just put a snake on a toothbrush and rub it in your mouth.

[3:59] And afterwards it's like, it's a living.

[4:02] And the snake is like, no, contrary to popular belief, I'm not slimy.

[4:05] My skin is quite dry.

[4:07] So you use them as toothpicks.

[4:09] Yeah.

[4:10] Because that makes sense.

[4:14] A real beast of the southern wild, Halley Hagland.

[4:18] I was going to say that this is the fourth most popular holiday on the Flophouse calendar.

[4:24] After what, Shocktober?

[4:25] Sure.

[4:26] Smallvember.

[4:27] Yep.

[4:28] Cagemas.

[4:29] Cagemas.

[4:30] And now we've got Cagemas in July.

[4:32] Is it technically a different holiday?

[4:34] Cagemas in July.

[4:36] One is but the shattery reflection of the other.

[4:38] The shattery reflection?

[4:40] Yep.

[4:41] Shattery man on a shattery planet.

[4:44] First CD I ever bought.

[4:46] Yeah.

[4:47] So we watched a Nicolas Cage movie.

[4:49] Yeah.

[4:50] Left Behind.

[4:51] Now this is a remake of a Kirk Cameron movie.

[4:53] So that's where Nicolas Cage has sunk to.

[4:55] Or it's another adaptation of the same book.

[5:00] Okay.

[5:01] Still, a book that previously was adapted into a Kirk Cameron video.

[5:04] Yes.

[5:07] This isn't exactly a new version of Dracula.

[5:09] No, no.

[5:10] I mean, I'm not saying this is a new production of Hamlet or something like that.

[5:13] I'm just saying the source material.

[5:14] I'm glad you're not saying that because this would be a very off text adaptation of Hamlet.

[5:18] I do not remember the scene in Hamlet where Laertes was raptured.

[5:21] Nor do I remember the scene where Hamlet had to land a plane with no word from the traffic control.

[5:28] Well, maybe Shakespeare can learn a little something about excitement in this movie.

[5:31] Yeah, where do you think uric went?

[5:33] What?

[5:34] Uric acid?

[5:35] It comes out of the bladder.

[5:37] Yep.

[5:38] I don't know.

[5:39] I mean, in the original text there was a skull, right?

[5:42] Yeah, that's true.

[5:43] That's what I'm saying.

[5:44] That's the guy who got raptured, Uric, right?

[5:46] Everything but the skull got Uric.

[5:48] I have an accent.

[5:50] I'm a Bayou babe with an accent.

[5:52] Now imagine if a guy got raptured and left his skull behind.

[5:55] His head would be all soft and mushy in heaven.

[5:57] There'd just be a brain inside of a skin cell.

[5:59] He was wearing a skull hat.

[6:04] It makes sense.

[6:05] So his hat is here, not his real skull.

[6:07] Yeah.

[6:08] So when Hamlet picks up that skull, he should say,

[6:10] Alas, poor Uric, I knew his hat, Horatio.

[6:14] This hat once had a tongue that could sing.

[6:16] Yeah, he was saying, I knew him well.

[6:17] This was his favorite hat.

[6:19] I rode the back of this hat often.

[6:22] Such jests came out of this hat.

[6:28] His friend Horatio was like, Hamlet, you be crazy.

[6:33] Anyway, so left behind.

[6:34] Princes be crazy.

[6:37] So Dan, this is one of those religious movies.

[6:39] Yeah, it's religious.

[6:41] This has to do with that crazy religion that I'm not a part of.

[6:44] Yeah, mine.

[6:46] I think it's what's called Christianity.

[6:48] It's a guy named Chris.

[6:50] Chris Angel.

[6:51] Yep, that's right.

[6:52] He's a mind freak.

[6:53] An angel formed so many miracles.

[6:55] And so who sayeth the Lord unto the people,

[6:57] thy mind shall be freaked.

[6:59] He performed the miracle of the freaked mind

[7:01] and the miracle of the mind that was freaked.

[7:04] And so the Lord did make himself seen at the Hard Rock Cafe in Times Square

[7:08] for a long-running engagement in thine theater space.

[7:13] I mean, Christianity, there's a lot of different sects.

[7:18] There's a lot of different...

[7:19] Hello.

[7:20] Wow, yeah, how do you got so many of them?

[7:23] How do you got so many of them?

[7:26] How do you think?

[7:28] You sound like a kid in an old 1950s commercial.

[7:33] How do you got so many of them?

[7:36] Well, Hallie.

[7:39] So this is an evangelical movie.

[7:41] Yeah, this is.

[7:42] They took a lot of the evangelical out of this movie.

[7:45] Yeah.

[7:46] Well, I mean, as I said late in the movie,

[7:48] this is the only movie where the rapture is really a MacGuffin

[7:51] as a backdoor into a Land of Plain Thriller.

[7:56] But we'll get to that.

[7:57] So should we start from the beginning?

[7:59] Yeah, it's a very good place to start.

[8:02] Movie explodes into your eyeballs.

[8:05] Smash cut to beginning of movie.

[8:07] Smash cut to the movie starts.

[8:09] You buckle on your seatbelt.

[8:11] Okay, opening credits.

[8:13] Names fly fast and furious.

[8:15] One of them is Nicolas Cage.

[8:17] Nicolas Cage, hence Cagemas in July.

[8:19] And let's just say this at the top.

[8:20] I'm just going to say this at the top before we get to the plot.

[8:22] Nicolas Cage, somewhat out of place in this relatively low-budget religious movie.

[8:28] He's putting in a performance.

[8:30] Is it the best performance?

[8:31] No.

[8:32] It's certainly the best performance in the movie.

[8:34] Yeah, exactly.

[8:35] I'm not sure of that.

[8:37] The dude who played Herman's head did a pretty good job playing a pile of clothes.

[8:42] He played Herman's head.

[8:45] It took four different actors to play Herman's head.

[8:49] I think we're overlooking the dwarf standout performance.

[8:55] There is an angry dwarf in this film, and he's pretty great.

[8:59] Don't look now. There's an angry dwarf.

[9:01] It ends with him stabbing Donald Sutherland to death.

[9:05] No, Donald Sutherland's in this?

[9:08] Yeah.

[9:09] He has an overrated sex scene with Julie Christie.

[9:12] Overrated?

[9:13] Hot take.

[9:14] Someone telling you that it was super sexy?

[9:16] It is.

[9:17] Whenever you see one of those lists of the sexiest sex scenes.

[9:20] Donald Sutherland scenes.

[9:21] The most realistic sex scenes.

[9:22] Realistic?

[9:23] Yeah.

[9:24] Not sexy.

[9:25] I don't even think it's that realistic.

[9:27] What's realistic about it is that he then brushes his teeth naked afterwards,

[9:30] which is very realistic about being a couple.

[9:33] What's realistic about it is his pasty butt.

[9:37] He didn't get a stunt butt.

[9:40] Wouldn't it have been weird if he took off his clothes,

[9:42] and there were just close-ups of this perfectly sculpted butt?

[9:45] Like a bodybuilder's butt?

[9:47] John Cena's butt in there.

[9:49] He smuggled a pumpkin onto set.

[9:51] It would have not existed at that time.

[9:54] What's great about that scene is it was one of the first scenes

[10:00] I saw that showed kind of like casual sexuality, nudity between, yeah exactly, like a married

[10:07] couple being very casually just like nude, not in a sexual way around each other, which

[10:11] is something I had not seen in a movie before then.

[10:13] So don't look now, I guess is a way to look at it.

[10:14] So is this a peek into your day to day life where you're just goofing around naked?

[10:19] I mean pretty much, yeah.

[10:21] Winnie the Pooh and it up.

[10:22] They're all naked.

[10:23] Winnie the Pooh wears a shirt.

[10:24] Yeah, but you've got your underpants hanging out.

[10:25] I mean, to be fair, he's naked a lot, but he's an 18 month old kid.

[10:29] I know, but I like imagining that you guys too are like, well, if that's the rule.

[10:36] When in Lil' Rome.

[10:37] This is a clothing optional house.

[10:38] Nothing in the rule book says I can't be naked.

[10:41] Turns out you're all nude is something we don't know about.

[10:44] This isn't inappropriate until he's a little bit older.

[10:47] Strip him off.

[10:49] No, we don't hang out in the nude, but he's certainly...

[10:52] Why, are you ashamed of your body?

[10:54] Oh, man.

[10:55] Elliot, you have a beautiful body.

[10:57] You should never be ashamed.

[10:58] You know what?

[10:59] You're right.

[11:00] Let me just show it off right now.

[11:01] Oh, it's like Chip and Dale getting naked in front of me.

[11:05] Chip and Dale?

[11:07] Both of the rescue rangers.

[11:09] There's four rescue rangers.

[11:11] I'll be Monterey Jack.

[11:12] There's five.

[11:13] Oh, that little buzzy fly shit?

[11:15] There's Gadget, Monterey Jack, and I don't know, the bug.

[11:21] Whatever the fuck that is.

[11:22] What has the bug ever done?

[11:23] Zipper.

[11:24] Zipper.

[11:25] To be honest, Monterey Jack is a bit of a stretch to call him a rescue ranger since

[11:28] all he does is get hypnotized by cheese and get float around by his nose and get in the

[11:32] way and cause trouble.

[11:33] Gadget is holding that team together.

[11:35] Yeah, I know.

[11:36] She's the penny of the group.

[11:37] Sure.

[11:38] We can all agree.

[11:39] Yeah.

[11:40] So, I'll be Monterey Jack.

[11:43] Okay.

[11:44] And I'll be naked Chip and Dale.

[11:47] And I'll be that little shit bug you were talking about.

[11:52] Penny had both an iPad and an iWatch before any of us.

[11:56] That's true.

[11:57] Well, her dad was Steve Jobs.

[11:58] Wait, so who is in special relations?

[11:59] What relationship?

[12:00] He was her uncle.

[12:01] Uncle Gadget.

[12:02] Uncle Gadget, yeah.

[12:03] So, Gadget is Steve Jobs' brother, I guess?

[12:04] Yeah, Steve Jobs' original name was Steve Gadget, and he thought it was too on the nose.

[12:05] Yeah.

[12:06] So, he said, well, I'm creating many jobs with my company.

[12:07] I'll be Steve Jobs.

[12:08] So, his brother, like, must have gotten shot up in a RoboCop-style gangland?

[12:09] Yeah.

[12:10] Yeah.

[12:11] Yeah.

[12:12] Yeah.

[12:13] Yeah.

[12:14] Yeah.

[12:15] Yeah.

[12:16] Yeah.

[12:17] Yeah.

[12:18] Yeah.

[12:19] I'll be Steve Gadget.

[12:20] And his brother, like, must have gotten shot up in a RoboCop-style gangland?

[12:21] It just happened to be what it was.

[12:23] Yeah.

[12:24] And Steve Jobs is, like, I'll fix him.

[12:25] I'll make it better than ever.

[12:26] The official backstory of Inspector Gadget is that he was injured by slipping on a banana

[12:29] peel.

[12:30] Oh, really?

[12:31] That's canon.

[12:32] Oh.

[12:33] Canon films.

[12:34] On to Golden Globes.

[12:35] No, I like to think that Steve Jobs is in Steve Gadget, but he wanted to move away from

[12:39] his klutzy family, and he was applying for a job, and they're like, so you say you want

[12:43] the job, huh?

[12:44] What's your name?

[12:45] My name's Steve Jobs.

[12:46] Like, well, I like that name.

[12:49] It's the name of a winner.

[12:51] It makes me think of a working man.

[12:53] I like it.

[12:54] I'll hire you to be a tech visionary.

[12:59] You're going to wear turtlenecks and never actually invent anything on your own.

[13:02] Whoa.

[13:03] Wow.

[13:04] Dude, so many hot takes tonight.

[13:05] Yeah, I know.

[13:06] We're just ripping out.

[13:07] We haven't even really talked about the movie very much.

[13:08] Okay, so the movie starts with...

[13:09] Derail the end.

[13:13] It's so easily done.

[13:17] College student Chloe Steele...

[13:19] Are you sure that's not a sexy spy of some kind?

[13:23] No, she's a college student and bootleg Veronica Mars.

[13:27] Sure.

[13:28] She has just flown into what is continually called New York...

[13:32] By the way, Hallie just pulled out some notes, which I'm very excited to see.

[13:37] Later.

[13:38] Chloe Steele flies into, from college, she goes to the University of Central Arkansas,

[13:44] which we know from her sweatshirt.

[13:46] Now, Chloe flies into what is identified as New York, even though it is clearly the smallest

[13:52] city in the world.

[13:53] Maybe it's in the Midwest.

[13:54] Maybe it's in Canada.

[13:55] We don't know.

[13:56] To surprise her dad...

[13:57] Probably in Eastern Europe or something.

[13:58] Yeah.

[13:59] To surprise her dad, Rayford...

[14:00] Although there'd probably be more machine guns.

[14:03] And half the cast would have been kidnapped in the middle of filming.

[14:06] Her father, Rayford Steele...

[14:08] Okay, that's a name.

[14:10] Rayford is Nicolas Cage's character's name.

[14:12] It's like someone tried to say Ralph Fiennes and jammed it all together.

[14:15] What's great is that he named his son after him, Ramey Steele.

[14:19] Oh, Sam Ramey Steele.

[14:20] Now, she wants to surprise her dad for his birthday, but he's busy.

[14:24] He's got to fly to London.

[14:25] She is mad at her mother because her mother, Leah Thompson...

[14:28] Had sex with a duck man one time.

[14:31] Casual sex with Howard the Duck.

[14:33] Back to the future in the city with Caroline.

[14:36] It was true love, okay?

[14:40] God wouldn't judge it, yeah.

[14:43] Or her and that guy she was engaged to on that show.

[14:49] He wore a condom, dude.

[14:51] He doesn't even have a penis.

[14:52] He wore clothes.

[14:54] Clothes make the man.

[14:56] Ducks have weird, retractable corkscrew penises.

[14:59] That are specifically designed to go with duck vaginas.

[15:03] There's no way that was pleasurable for her.

[15:05] You can research every animal's penis.

[15:08] In case I have to deal with one at some point.

[15:10] Did Lucasfilm put out an incredible cross-sections for Howard the Duck?

[15:14] Inside you can see his retractable penis.

[15:17] The corkscrew might be ribbed for her pleasure.

[15:20] You don't know.

[15:21] I doubt it.

[15:22] Yeah, because when you put on a ribbed for her pleasure condom, it feels like a corkscrew.

[15:26] Now, here's the thing.

[15:28] I've studied every animal's genitals in case I have to defeat them in a competition of some kind.

[15:32] Or a physical battle.

[15:35] Someday, if a bear penis comes at you, you're going to want to know how to block it and defeat it.

[15:39] So wait, is that where the phrase screwing comes from?

[15:42] No.

[15:43] Corkscrew penis?

[15:44] No, I don't think so.

[15:45] I've imagined, by the way, Howard spinning around.

[15:48] Like he has to screw himself into the vagina.

[15:52] Yeah, like Bazooka Joe doing a fucking flip take.

[15:56] Yeah, just Howard the Duck's feet flying out of the panel.

[15:59] Yeah, like a fucking propeller.

[16:01] He has to pop the orgasm out.

[16:03] He spins in, and when he pulls up...

[16:05] He pulls...

[16:07] I don't even know what we're talking about anymore.

[16:09] It's an orgasm.

[16:10] Now we're about ten seconds into the movie.

[16:12] Leah Thompson's character's done a 180 from her duck fucking days.

[16:16] And she is now a hardcore evangelical Christian who's always trying to get her family to convert.

[16:22] That includes her daughter, college age, her husband, the pilot, who is hitting on a stewardess who doesn't know that he's married.

[16:31] And their son, who is this kind of nerdy little kid.

[16:35] Remy.

[16:36] Now, Chloe catches her dad hitting on this stewardess, and she is not happy about it.

[16:42] Letting her wear his hat, I believe.

[16:45] Which is like pinning someone or giving them your varsity jacket.

[16:48] You're going steady.

[16:49] It's the opposite of a cuckold's horns.

[16:51] Now, at first she's pretty understanding because she thinks that her mom's religion has pushed her dad away as it's pushed her away.

[17:00] We know that she's a rationalist and not religious because when she runs into a famous investigative reporter named Cameron Buck Williams, while he's being harassed by an evangelical at the airport.

[17:11] Played by One Tree Hill's Chad Michael Murray.

[17:13] Yeah.

[17:14] She steps in and says, hey, why would God allow all sorts of bad things to happen?

[17:18] Why wouldn't he come in and stop them if he knew they were going to happen and blah, blah, and so forth.

[17:22] And it's one of those moments where you're like.

[17:24] It's great timing though, right?

[17:25] You're like, yeah, because the rapture's about to happen and the tribulations.

[17:28] Yeah.

[17:29] That is a coincidence.

[17:30] Watching it, it was like.

[17:31] Isn't that weird?

[17:32] It's weird.

[17:33] Watching it, it was like, I know that she is going to be proved wrong by this movie, but she sounds so rational and reasonable right now compared to the.

[17:42] I mean, other than the fact that she just picked a fight with somebody in an airport.

[17:46] It's not like she punched her.

[17:47] No, but she intentionally jumped into an argument.

[17:50] That's true.

[17:51] Have you ever jumped into an argument in an airport and had it turn out well?

[17:55] You're like, oh, no, it's Frankenstein's monster.

[17:58] Well, if I heard someone saying you look like a Frankenstein and that guy had bolts sticking out of his neck, I'd make the case known.

[18:04] But most of my arguments at the airport are with airport employees.

[18:07] Not to get too far ahead of ourselves, but I will say that one thing I kind of admired about this movie is for a religious movie, it did present the atheist characters as not unreasonable people, like good people at heart.

[18:21] And the movie seemed concerned about whether they lived or died.

[18:24] At the very least, redeemable.

[18:25] Yeah, they like use drugs or are an angry dwarf.

[18:28] Exactly.

[18:29] And even the Muslim character is very positive in it.

[18:31] Yeah.

[18:32] I feel like was this really a religious movie?

[18:34] Because I feel like it.

[18:35] Well, it's a sci-fi thriller.

[18:38] But it doesn't seem to like glamorize.

[18:41] I mean, it doesn't seem to like, you know, make those characters the heroes or anything.

[18:46] They disappear.

[18:47] Right.

[18:48] But it's more just like this is us living real life down here on the planes that are crashing.

[18:55] All those jerks up in heaven.

[18:57] Yeah.

[18:58] I think the original movie, the books are very much a niche market thing, although they sell millions of copies.

[19:03] And the original movies, I think, were for that market.

[19:05] My assumption with this movie was they said we're going to tell this story in a way that attracts the non-religious audience.

[19:11] Did they accomplish that?

[19:13] No, they didn't.

[19:15] So I think you're right that they, like, downplay the religious angle a lot.

[19:18] They don't make it as black and white that these characters are bad people because they weren't, you know, devout Christians.

[19:25] I mean, they actually – the only people who are religious in the movie who aren't – the only people who are raptured who are religious and not like – those people are totally annoying.

[19:37] So, like, all the kids are raptured.

[19:39] And they're irritating.

[19:40] The kids aren't irritating, but, like, the two people, the mom and the lady at the airport who are supposed to be religious, they're, like, portrayed as, like, totally annoying.

[19:50] Yeah.

[19:51] So basically it's like – I think the message is, like, why do you want to go to heaven?

[19:55] Because people up there fucking suck.

[19:57] Theoretically, it's going to get more fun down here.

[20:00] the road now and then when the party pop-up mall was a model so we can we can

[20:04] skip ahead to we can skip up by the uh... hard to get you to tickets

[20:08] they're delivered from airport employees are twenty minutes order to give to

[20:12] nicolas cage you know it was uh... band in twenty fourteen look if you put it if

[20:17] you go if you want her to get tickets here's yet to talk to a guy driving a

[20:21] little buggy around in the airport he's got the hookup

[20:25] it feels like twenty minutes in the room for him

[20:27] exactly they jump out of the way or they jump on the back of his thing with

[20:30] their hoverboards

[20:32] but like it feels like twenty or thirty minutes of this movie goes by and we're

[20:35] trapped in this limbo of an airport and only four characters have been

[20:40] introduced and it's terrible man love actually is all around you learn that at

[20:44] airports

[20:45] i guess you're probably not so good but that's a movie that has like ten

[20:49] zillion characters

[20:51] uh... i think you're talking about love actually you know you're talking about

[20:55] the terminal

[20:58] i was talking about airport seventy seven oh yeah that was the one where they

[21:01] all leave the airport and go see star wars in the theaters i thought you were talking about that

[21:05] planes animated movie

[21:09] semi-sequel to cars but by some place you're talking about cars the band with

[21:14] rick okasik

[21:16] i thought you were talking about my car that i had in high school

[21:20] the sitcom my mother the car guys you're all wrong i thought you were talking about my mom

[21:24] yeah our mom who's the same person and is a human woman oh boy if you guys were twins

[21:30] i have a twin sister halle sorry the position's taken

[21:34] i don't even want to be your twin i can't believe you're making halle cry right now all over her alligator

[21:39] necklace i saw what you wrote on your notebook at school elliot and halle

[21:44] kaelin and in parenthesis not married just siblings

[21:48] that's why they call them alligator tears back to the other thing that he said before

[21:53] about me crying on my alligator thing

[21:55] this thing moves too fast let's skip ahead a little bit

[22:00] in the words of old town it moves too fast we don't have time to look at one another

[22:07] just like in our town my favorite play

[22:10] uh...

[22:12] if you don't stop and smell the roses every once in a while

[22:14] then something ferris bueller said yeah something something

[22:19] ferris bueller cameron

[22:23] so let's skip ahead shall we

[22:25] uh... eventually we get to a point where nicholas cage's plane is in the air flying to london

[22:29] uh... and his daughter chloe is at the mall with her younger brother watching

[22:33] an amazing breakdancing group one member of whom actually slides across the floor on his head

[22:38] now that was amazing

[22:39] was that a stunt or was that real

[22:41] i have to assume that was all animatronic

[22:43] a stunt is real

[22:46] it's not like it's like cgi that's not classified as a stunt

[22:53] he performed that with a ball suit or whatever

[22:57] considering the special effects of the plane crash later i'm going to say that was a real thing

[23:00] they just happened to catch on camera or they blew their budget all on the guy sliding across the thing on his head

[23:06] they were buying the computer animation as they shot the movie in sequence

[23:10] and chloe is spinning around like a background breakdancer

[23:15] anyway her brother disappears in what i swear i thought was a puff of blue smoke but maybe it wasn't

[23:22] and it looks like she hugs him too hard

[23:27] it doesn't look like she hugs him so hard his clothing collapses in on itself

[23:31] and then on the airplane all the kids disappear and some of the random other people

[23:35] uh... there's a lot of craziness people are going crazy they don't know what's going on

[23:38] they try to break into the cockpit

[23:40] nicholas cage is out of the cockpit at the time and his co-pilot william ragsdale from herman's head

[23:44] we didn't even talk about all this time or mannequin 2 on the move

[23:48] or justified

[23:49] or justified

[23:50] yeah later season

[23:53] about a rusty robot cop

[23:57] yeah i mean kentucky's terrible on their i guess tin joints i don't know

[24:02] yeah it's real humid down there

[24:04] yeah robot gibbons

[24:08] so uh...

[24:10] everyone's going cuckoo crazy because they don't know what's going on

[24:12] society collapses almost immediately the mall goes

[24:16] ape shit

[24:17] and people are looting

[24:18] cars are exploding and chloe has one run in after another where a piece of

[24:22] transportation tries to kill her first it's a little like two-seater plane that

[24:26] almost smashes into her no it's first a car and then it's a car first it's a car that

[24:30] flies through the doors of the mall

[24:32] then it's a two-seater plane a little fucking sandpiper plane goes right for her car

[24:36] giving her just enough time to roll over the hood like the whole movie should

[24:40] have been just a bigger and bigger type of transportation until like a

[24:43] submarine almost hits her a little school bus falls over an overpass and almost hits her

[24:48] and then the climax of the movie is her running away spoiler alert from the giant plane

[24:52] that her dad's flying

[24:54] uh... so that's her arc now we've briefly before the rapture which is a metaphor for her

[24:58] dodging her faith

[25:00] which is the ultimate dodge oh you're right you're right yeah because what

[25:04] it's kind of like a freight train that thing no no like a plane

[25:07] like a freight plane

[25:09] some kind of cargo plane

[25:12] now they've introduced some characters on the plane before the rapture i'll admit it there's a colorful cast

[25:16] there's a muslim guy some flakes on a plane

[25:19] there's a texas millionaire who's always talking business there's an angry dwarf who does not

[25:23] like anybody there's a little girl who's the daughter of a football player

[25:27] there's some fat guy with glasses and her mother is played by former american idol

[25:32] jordan sparks that's true it's full of stars battlefields jordan sparks

[25:36] oh man this must be this movie must have been inside the stargate that dave bowen flew into

[25:41] because my god it's full of stars

[25:44] so the uh...

[25:46] uh...

[25:47] uh... i should have said kira dahlia that would have made it more clear

[25:52] anyway so but those characters are given a very we spent delay

[25:56] uh... talk about delay it's taking us forever to talk about this movie

[25:59] so here's the thing we spent a ton of time in the airport with the most boring characters

[26:03] we get a couple minutes on the plane with this kooky colorful cast

[26:06] and then it's not like the one english person on this flight to london who's a drug addict

[26:11] who's a drug addict

[26:13] who wears a tank top who's tank top is highlighted more and more as the movie goes on

[26:19] but she spent a lot of time in christian camps as a youth so she's the only person who knows

[26:23] that the rapture is happening

[26:26] and there's also an old lady who is totally senile and her old husband

[26:30] and the husband is raptured and the lady is not

[26:33] it's so fucked up so you're just left to wonder like what did this bitch do

[26:39] turns out the alzheimer's was a curse from god

[26:43] the horrors of my actions have caused me to forget myself i like to believe it's a mixed marriage

[26:47] he's christian and she's a satanist i think this was like a definitive statement that anyone

[26:52] who has alzheimer's is being punished by god so if you know anyone who has alzheimer's

[26:58] they've got a secret

[27:00] say goodbye to them because you're not going to see them in heaven that's for sure

[27:04] here's the thing we learned some rapture rules

[27:06] all kids go to heaven all dogs do not go to heaven

[27:09] yeah we saw a dog it didn't go to heaven

[27:11] no but it's owner's clothes we're sitting right next to it

[27:13] we heard that all frogs go to heaven

[27:16] old people not confirmed not definite

[27:19] and you mentioned the owner's clothes

[27:21] we didn't see any cats

[27:23] there's certainly no cats they're all in heaven

[27:25] one of the things that's great is how every single set that has a person's clothes

[27:31] it looks like somebody like took the time to set the shoes out right

[27:34] like tuck the pants into the shoes

[27:38] that's what this person would have been doing

[27:39] because when they were living their pants were tucked into their shoes

[27:42] yeah that's what christians do dan

[27:45] so there's a lot of trouble

[27:46] all kids get raptured automatically

[27:48] yeah do you think hardcore christians they tuck their pants in their shoes just in case they get raptured and it looks like

[27:56] so their pants don't fly away

[27:58] this movie would have been a lot more interesting if there was just like one kid who didn't get raptured

[28:03] just like the kid from robin child or something

[28:05] yeah or he was going to be like it was the kid from like good son

[28:09] wait which one elijah wood or macaulay culkin

[28:13] elijah wood was the bad one

[28:15] no macaulay culkin was the bad one

[28:17] wait a minute what makes you think he's bad

[28:19] well he doesn't throw that mannequin over the overpass

[28:21] i think we just found something disturbing about elijah

[28:24] yeah elijah wood's the one who doesn't want to do that cool prank where they throw the mannequin over

[28:28] macaulay culkin's just misunderstood

[28:32] or it's child hitler

[28:34] child hitler

[28:36] just like an adorable little kid with a mustache

[28:38] but don't you think if there was one kid who didn't get raptured

[28:42] all the people who are left over have an obligation to murder him because he's bound to be a terrible person

[28:48] now i'm just thinking about child hitler's adventure

[28:51] all bad

[28:53] my tea party shall last a thousand years

[28:56] so anyway he's a girl he has tea parties

[28:59] anyway so there's two parallel stories here

[29:02] chloe's trying to find her brother

[29:04] she goes to her mom's house and her mom has raptured away while taking a shower

[29:07] which means leah thompson's just nuding it up in heaven

[29:10] but i guess they all are because all their clothes get left behind

[29:13] which wait a minute so

[29:15] it's a real sex orgy up there

[29:17] if heaven's going to live up to its billing

[29:20] if you read the divine comedy

[29:22] heaven is just everybody sitting looking at god loving it the whole time

[29:25] that sounds super boring

[29:27] but their original sin got taken away so they don't feel ashamed of their bodies right?

[29:31] but i thought christ's whole thing was that he cleansed the earth of original sin right?

[29:35] then why are we all wearing clothes?

[29:37] good question let me take mine off right now

[29:39] oh it's chip and dale

[29:43] chip and dale's rescue rangers

[29:46] so left behind refers to their clothes being left behind

[29:50] that's right

[29:51] oh my wallet was there too

[29:54] i love that necklace

[29:56] you can leave your clothes behind but to get your clothes back

[30:00] you can read the card because heaven doesn't take america expressed that i

[30:03] don't have a lot to do is that there are a lot of evidence that he finds william

[30:07] ragsdale's uh...

[30:08] like the stock photo visa

[30:11] at all of their the nineteen eighty-five is a at the heaven bar and

[30:15] they can't get it

[30:16] i don't think that no one can start a tab maybe that's god's big scam is that he

[30:21] takes them about the clothes and they've got a buy heaven clothes that inflated

[30:24] prices you have a little bit when you buy a semi-automatic heaven bucks that

[30:29] you can only get from like going to a dave and buster says that she had a

[30:32] and uh... i was like this is just a role because i give you some sheets and we're

[30:36] gonna get the sheets

[30:37] there's one game in town if you're a little guy if you read between the lines

[30:42] of my to do just let you know that david buster is that the point is that you

[30:45] can't get ahead of us

[30:47] there's no reason to pay for that

[30:50] to play the games of david muster

[30:52] uh... and you don't want to know you do not want to know

[30:57] because we don't know what's about the other day and tell you that i don't know

[31:01] uh...

[31:02] uh... i forget

[31:03] great anti-climax all around

[31:05] this to plot lines closely for a brother

[31:08] and

[31:09] uh... nicholas cage is trying to land this damn plane he wants

[31:12] he's had tired of this motherfucking rapture on this motherfucking flies a

[31:15] one-way name turns around flies another way and i'm not a few all the crap they

[31:19] slam into another plane as a pilot may keep going

[31:22] chloe finds god after having a very awkward conversation with the pastor who

[31:27] did was not rapture she sees that great

[31:29] uh... sign that says the end is near and they've crossed it out and written here

[31:33] yet

[31:34] because i'd like to believe that some of the rapture he was like will got one

[31:37] second and they change the sign okay

[31:40] bring me a big guy because i don't know about it and i think about it and i

[31:43] thought it was nice apocalypse movies everyone like the first thing they want

[31:47] to do is to start like

[31:48] uh... graffiti in everything

[31:50] and i go over to the population sign of the city and cross it off

[31:54] there's always a graffiti that says like get out or like uh... it's over

[31:58] something like that

[32:00] but society is

[32:02] because they live guys society is i don't even know who they are in this

[32:05] case or a banksy

[32:07] you think it was a banksy

[32:10] banksy's is all over the place i don't even need to hide anymore

[32:13] it's so many stencils

[32:16] everything's going to get banksy'd

[32:18] there's just shepherd fairy obey things everywhere

[32:22] okay so

[32:25] society is falling apart people are dying cars are crashing into each other

[32:29] people are just robbing and shooting all over the place

[32:31] the rapture happened roughly twenty five minutes ago

[32:34] and already people are going nuts civilization just can't handle it

[32:37] which is weird because

[32:39] not that many people get raptured in the movie

[32:41] so you'd think civilization would be able to absorb that loss pretty easily

[32:46] because they said millions of people got raptured but how many people are there

[32:51] on earth

[32:51] six billion roughly exactly so if we're in the millions we're not even getting

[32:55] high in numbers it's a drop in

[32:58] el bucketo

[32:59] which is how he knows the spanish for

[33:01] the bucket

[33:02] can you confirm that

[33:04] that actually means something else oh really bad

[33:08] i can't even say it in this podcast have you been saying that to people

[33:12] just to the guys who do maintenance and janitorial work at the show

[33:17] oh no hopefully they're not fucking up their safety checks

[33:23] i wouldn't touch your poison trash can with the bomb in it tomorrow

[33:26] i want to make it clear that that's not a racist comment on elliot's part that's just a

[33:29] factual comment about the nationality

[33:33] the guys who clean up our office are all native spanish speakers

[33:36] i'm not ashamed to say it

[33:39] i guess i'm the only member of the silent majority who's willing to say the truth

[33:44] anyway

[33:45] chloe is going to kill herself she's going to jump off the top of a bridge

[33:48] that's how you get to heaven right

[33:49] yeah i think so

[33:51] suicide is the one surefire way to get to heaven

[33:55] i thought she was just trying to get closer to her mom so she could deliver the message

[33:58] uh... maybe

[33:59] she's just climbing the top of a bridge

[34:01] hey heaven can you hear me now that's why i go to the top of the freedom tower

[34:05] what?

[34:06] to get closer to heaven? yeah so i get as high as possible well it's weird because i've

[34:10] always thought that to get closer to god i have to fuck me like an animal

[34:16] it has not been working

[34:18] but i'm going to keep trying

[34:19] i'm not going to stop i'm going to keep trying

[34:22] you know what they say

[34:23] a lot of gruntin' and spittin'

[34:26] like chippendale wrestling over here

[34:28] one of those corkscrew penises

[34:31] so many callbacks

[34:32] now tensions are high on the plane

[34:34] the dwarf and the muslim got in a fight

[34:37] the dwarf is an asshole have we got into link? he's a big jerk and dan you said you did

[34:42] admire i was being facetious you said you did admire that the dwarf is a jerk

[34:45] yeah i feel like i feel like

[34:47] any other movie would feel the need to like make the dwarf character like

[34:51] like a saint

[34:52] and i like the movie that um what movie has ever done that

[34:56] yeah i mean like we already mentioned don't look now

[34:59] i guess that's true but i feel like

[35:01] a movie like basket case in this modern era would be like well

[35:07] oh we can't risk the idea of like

[35:09] the dwarf being the bad guy rather like this movie actually treats the dwarf as a

[35:13] human being

[35:14] who might be an asshole

[35:15] i love that the assumption is that we've transcended any like negative stereotypes

[35:21] that we have about dwarves and we're on the other side and that it's now progressive

[35:25] to portray them like

[35:27] yeah i mean i just feel like the casting did not seem to care like whether this

[35:31] was like a full-sized actor or this is a dwarf or

[35:36] it's all about him being a dwarf

[35:38] every line is about how he's a dwarf

[35:40] yeah his first line is about like someone trying to help him put his bag in the overhead compartment

[35:44] alright you've turned me around on this

[35:46] i will say that the muslim character rather than being

[35:48] he's not raptured clearly the movie's stance is he believes in the wrong god but

[35:53] he's like the nicest character in the whole movie

[35:55] and he looks kind of like jeremy sisto

[35:57] didn't you guys find the line problematic at all when someone's like looking in through his bag and he's like

[36:02] a terrorist could never do this

[36:04] as if like yes

[36:06] oh like he's an expert on terrorism i guess

[36:09] yeah it's like i see like

[36:12] that he would be synonymous with terrorists and even he would accept the premise

[36:17] terrorists i know would kill for a rapture device

[36:21] i did like that this movie blew the lid off the

[36:24] centuries old rivalry between muslims and dwarves

[36:28] it's been going on beneath the surface for so long

[36:31] they've invaded each other forever

[36:33] yeah that's the whole subtext of game of thrones i think

[36:35] yeah i think in anthony bourdain's first book he was talking about how in a kitchen you can't hire muslims and dwarves to work in the same kitchen

[36:41] no yeah

[36:43] it'll come to blows

[36:45] that's why it was snow white and the seven dwarves

[36:47] and not what snow mecca

[36:49] not a persian

[36:51] that's what i'm saying

[36:53] wait snow white and the seven persians

[36:55] yeah that's right

[36:57] yeah i don't understand what you're saying

[36:59] i don't know

[37:01] about racism

[37:03] let's go back to how much you hate dwarves

[37:07] oh boy

[37:09] we're gonna get letters

[37:11] then i can sing a song about them

[37:13] so the characters are flying around forever

[37:15] chloe's running around forever

[37:17] chloe manages to get a phone call on the satellite phone from her dad

[37:21] and he says we need a runway

[37:23] she decides she's gonna clear off the east west highway to the mall

[37:27] yeah it's over by the mall

[37:29] famous new york landmark

[37:31] and so that they can land on that using that as a landing strip

[37:33] anyone planning to visit new york should check out the mall

[37:39] but also were you guys pointing out

[37:41] like i didn't hear the thing

[37:43] but were you guys pointing out a problem with

[37:45] they couldn't land because of water

[37:47] but you were like

[37:49] he made a point of saying that

[37:51] jfk is surrounded by city

[37:53] and if he can't find a landing strip

[37:55] he's gonna crash the plane like a missile

[37:57] into queens

[37:59] which there's a lot of problems with that statement

[38:01] why wouldn't he just try to land

[38:03] like instead of being like

[38:05] fuck this just gonna missile it

[38:07] well by this point he's pretty tired of being in the movie

[38:09] so

[38:11] oh we've also skipped that

[38:13] nicholas cage has come to the same conclusion

[38:15] by rifling through his copilot's clothes

[38:17] and seeing that he's a christian

[38:19] and also rifling through the clothes of a flight attendant

[38:21] who was raptured out

[38:23] he realized oh no

[38:25] it must have been the rapture

[38:27] because all the people who were taken were christians

[38:29] so he knows what happened at this point

[38:31] wait so i have a question

[38:33] for some reason also the rapture has interfered with the satellites around the earth

[38:35] making their phones not work properly

[38:37] so i guess the satellites also believed in christ

[38:39] but anyway continue

[38:41] so my question is

[38:43] so he realizes that herman's head is a believer

[38:45] because his watch has

[38:47] john 316 on it

[38:49] i think that's a wrestling thing

[38:51] he's a steve austin fan

[38:53] i know it's a big thing but what is it dan

[38:55] what is john 316

[38:57] it's believe in me

[38:59] and you'll have eternal life right

[39:03] why does stone cold steve austin

[39:05] talk about that all the time

[39:07] he has austin 316 which i think is know your role

[39:09] just because i grew up in a church

[39:11] does not mean that i actually

[39:13] literally you were an orphan who was found by quasimodo

[39:15] yeah that's right

[39:17] you were raised in a bell tower

[39:19] can you call your dad and ask him what that means

[39:21] no i don't think it's john

[39:23] is it matthew 316

[39:25] oh i'm out of my head now

[39:27] because no one will tell me what it means

[39:29] well i'll just look it up right now

[39:31] it's not like we have little phone computers in our pockets

[39:33] i can't believe you don't know that dan

[39:35] so john 316 is for god so loved the world that he gave his one and only son

[39:37] that's what it is

[39:39] that whoever believes in him shall live forever

[39:41] yes it's about jesus

[39:43] it's from the new testament

[39:45] it's the one about jesus cursing a fig tree

[39:47] i don't know what anyone will think

[39:49] it's the part about

[39:51] and so jebediah beget

[39:53] it's the one where the guy

[39:55] curses children who

[39:57] are calling him bald

[40:00] and bears come out of the woods and kill the children, which is an actual verse.

[40:04] Yeah. I love how you know that one and not the one that everyone has tattooed on there.

[40:09] That's the best verse. John 3, 16.

[40:11] Is there a fig tree in that verse? What happened to the fig tree?

[40:14] John 3, 16 is what you would call the New Testament's log line.

[40:17] It basically summarizes the gist of the whole thing.

[40:19] Okay. Jesus.

[40:21] Yeah, that's what it is. The watchword is Jesus.

[40:24] If you've got one takeaway from this, it's Jesus.

[40:27] So that's why he had that on his watch?

[40:30] Yeah.

[40:31] Because, I don't know, he looks at his watch a lot.

[40:33] Well, the problem is though that every time he looks…

[40:35] He's like, oh, I'm so caught up in my life. What time? It's Jesus' time.

[40:39] No, no. He looks at it and he always thinks, what time is it? 3, 16.

[40:42] Oh, shit. No, it's like 4, 45. I'm sorry.

[40:45] He's late for a point.

[40:46] I'm so late.

[40:47] Is it 3, 16? Oh, I was supposed to wake up at 6.

[40:50] Oh, okay. Here we go. It is.

[40:51] Yep. He's like, let me look at this ironic watch I bought as a goof.

[40:56] I'm so totally not a Christian, but God checks everyone by their watch.

[41:01] I got God.

[41:03] I got him.

[41:04] I got him.

[41:05] He got up there and he's like, no, God, that was totally a goof, ironically.

[41:08] It's a goof.

[41:09] Well, you got me good. Why don't you stick around?

[41:11] We need a jokester in here.

[41:13] There's all these hipsters with Jesus is my homeboy T-shirts that are in heaven now, and they're like, wait, what?

[41:18] Wait, they got to keep the T-shirts?

[41:20] Yeah.

[41:21] So they're Winnie the Poohing up there?

[41:24] Yeah, they're wearing a T-shirt with no pants, which is somehow worse than being naked.

[41:29] A turkey neck comes out.

[41:32] Also, their heads are all stuck in honey pots.

[41:37] They're winning.

[41:40] So she goes and she uses a truck and a motorcycle and a steamroller to clear this highway of debris.

[41:50] She lights a huge bunch of barrels of flammable liquid on fire.

[41:53] That's the kind of sign a Nicolas Cage can follow.

[41:56] So they have a beacon.

[41:58] Nicolas Cage is like, I need a point of light so I can find it.

[42:01] Say it more like Nicolas Cage would say.

[42:03] I need a point of light so I can see the runway.

[42:06] Now say it like H.W. Bush making a thousand points of light.

[42:10] Need to see the thousand points of light so I can see the runway.

[42:14] Good stuff.

[42:15] Come on, throw it at me.

[42:16] Who else is delivering this line?

[42:18] Now do it like Kate Bush.

[42:21] Oh, wow.

[42:22] I don't know who I sound like, but I need that runway.

[42:26] Now do it like the bush in my front yard that I grew up on.

[42:30] Russell, Russell in the wind.

[42:31] Russell.

[42:33] Perfect.

[42:34] Thank you.

[42:35] Thank you.

[42:36] I miss home.

[42:37] I actually spent a lot of time with that bush trying to get its voice patterns down.

[42:41] You did a bush along.

[42:43] Walk a bush.

[42:44] I'm a method busher.

[42:46] So she starts flashing the brights on the truck, and she's like,

[42:49] I'm flashing my brights.

[42:50] Does that help?

[42:51] And Nicolas Cage is like, no, honey, I need something bigger.

[42:54] And you know in his head the character is like, my daughter is an idiot.

[42:57] He's like, don't make fun of her.

[42:59] She's trying.

[43:00] And the copilot says, he says, she's like,

[43:03] I think I'm glad he's graduated to fucking copilot status.

[43:06] The reporter, who we haven't talked about,

[43:08] but he has a crush on Nicolas Cage's daughter,

[43:10] and he has spent most of the time so far.

[43:12] He can't stop thinking about her since he saw her in the airport.

[43:16] Even when all this other stuff is going on that he definitely should be thinking about.

[43:21] He's like, what's Chloe up to right now?

[43:23] Is she thinking of me?

[43:24] One Tree Hill has mainly been sticking his camera footage of clothing sitting on chairs,

[43:31] sticking his camera in the face of mothers grieving for their disappeared children,

[43:36] going like, hey, what happened here?

[43:37] Tell me.

[43:38] But he's like, it's so funny because he's like, I've got to get this footage,

[43:42] and it's just literally clothes lying on chairs.

[43:45] It's just a messy apartment.

[43:47] Oh, but also I love the moment where,

[43:49] so the woman that he's bothering in particular,

[43:54] whose baby disappeared, how she freaks out eventually,

[43:57] and she's like, we have to turn the plane back.

[44:00] We have to go back to the place where the baby disappeared.

[44:03] Because it's like, yeah, the baby will be in the fucking,

[44:05] just floating in midair.

[44:07] It'll be there.

[44:08] Yeah.

[44:09] She thinks that they're pulling a flight plan on her.

[44:13] More like Undead, that Australian zombie movie where all the people are floating.

[44:18] Okay.

[44:19] I haven't seen that one.

[44:20] Don't worry about it.

[44:21] It has to do with floating people in the air.

[44:23] I mean, that sounds great.

[44:25] So she said, I've only been able to clear nine-tenths of a mile.

[44:29] And he's like, that's fine, that's fine, and not co-pilot.

[44:32] The reporter is like, that's not going to be enough, is it?

[44:34] And he's like, yeah, but if this doesn't work, I don't want to make her feel like it was her fault,

[44:37] even though it was totally her fault.

[44:39] She failed in her mission.

[44:40] But everything turns out okay, even though their landing gear gets clipped by some electric power lines.

[44:45] It rips the fuck off.

[44:47] They land, the crash-land the plane, everyone's safe.

[44:50] They get out, and they see the city in front of them burning, smoke rising from it.

[44:54] And either One Tree Hill or Nicolas Cage says, oh, I'm glad that's over.

[44:58] And Chloe says, no, this is just the beginning.

[45:01] Cut to credits.

[45:02] There's a song about how you better be ready because Jesus is going to rapture you.

[45:07] But you skipped the comic relief moment where the Muslim guy pushes the midget,

[45:12] pushes the dwarf down the incinerator.

[45:15] Oh, man, she's covering her face.

[45:17] For those listening, when Hallie said the word midget,

[45:19] she literally flinched with embarrassment at having used the wrong term.

[45:23] I make mistakes all the time.

[45:25] Just blame it on the beers.

[45:27] I've never had a sip of alcohol in my life.

[45:31] Somebody's trying to get raptured over here.

[45:33] She's really rapture hunting.

[45:36] Do you guys think God listens to your podcast?

[45:39] I mean, his eyes are on the sparrows, so I know he listens to this podcast.

[45:43] Don't talk about birds.

[45:45] I got attacked by a bird today, people.

[45:48] We'll wrap it up.

[45:50] We've got about two hours to hear the bird story.

[45:53] It all started with a dog fashion show.

[45:57] That was your story, Stuart.

[45:59] The Stuart Wellington story.

[46:01] It started with a dog fashion show.

[46:03] My parents met at a dog fashion show.

[46:05] So, Hallie, you were walking down the street and a bird attacked you.

[46:08] Wow, you really ruined that story.

[46:10] Walking quickly.

[46:11] Is there more to it?

[46:12] Yes.

[46:13] It attacked me, and I ran away screaming.

[46:16] And then it attacked me again, twice.

[46:19] You made the enemies with the wrong bird.

[46:21] I didn't do anything.

[46:22] I love birds.

[46:23] Maybe the way you were running was provoking that bird.

[46:26] Yeah.

[46:27] What?

[46:28] I said maybe the way you were running was provoking that bird.

[46:32] You're right, and I was dressed in very short running shorts.

[46:37] Do birds like that?

[46:38] I don't know.

[46:39] Apparently not.

[46:40] This was a real Bible-thumping bird.

[46:43] This bird was about to be raptured.

[46:45] You were dressed like a pine cone with peanut butter on it and seeds on that peanut butter.

[46:51] That's really an attractive bird.

[46:53] She had a job interview.

[46:55] I wanted to look my best.

[46:59] You got to dress for the job you want.

[47:01] I was being interviewed by a cabin.

[47:08] We should wrap up this segment.

[47:11] Is this a good, bad movie?

[47:13] A bad, bad movie, or a movie we kind of liked?

[47:16] I'm going to say that it's marginal, but I'm going to give it a good, bad movie.

[47:21] It's pretty silly.

[47:22] I wish it was a little sillier, especially with Nicolas Cage's performance.

[47:26] He's doing an incredible job.

[47:29] He's like the—

[47:31] The rock on which he'll build the church?

[47:33] Yes.

[47:34] I was going to say the anchor.

[47:35] He's so stable compared to the rest of the movie, and you want him to be crazy,

[47:39] but it's in the tradition of big-name actors doing movie roles

[47:42] where they're sitting down for most of the performance.

[47:45] He's doing an okay job, but you want him to be crazy.

[47:49] I would say good, bad also.

[47:50] What do you guys think?

[47:52] What's the—oh, go ahead.

[47:54] This is spookily horrifying.

[47:56] No, no.

[47:57] Scarily dumbness.

[47:58] Or good, bad.

[48:00] Yeah, I guess I'll give it a good, bad.

[48:01] It was goofy enough.

[48:02] I wish it went a little bit faster, and I wish it got a little bit crazier.

[48:07] There's a few too many scenes of the daughter, Chloe Steele,

[48:11] just wandering around this town, and I wish they—

[48:14] New York City.

[48:15] I wish they'd made New York City just a touch more crazy.

[48:18] Yeah.

[48:19] I mean there's one scene where a guy who looks like a juggalo is thrown out of a window,

[48:24] and then a guy who is like some kind of—

[48:26] Looks like Donald Logue.

[48:27] Looks like Donald Logue, but like with shoulder length, kind of like Elizabethan hair.

[48:33] Sounds like Donald Logue.

[48:34] He looks like Renaissance reservoir dogs.

[48:36] Sure.

[48:37] She puts a shotgun in her face, and it's this glimpse of the crazy movie it might have been.

[48:42] And there was that scene in the nursery at the hospital where there was a whole bunch of raptured baby clothes,

[48:49] and then one crazy lady who was like, they took them.

[48:53] They took all those babies.

[48:56] I think Dan called it.

[48:57] Oh, Dan called it.

[48:58] Yeah, while we're watching it, Dan's like, oh, and there's like a crazy person who's like,

[49:01] they took all the babies.

[49:03] Where did the babies go?

[49:05] Hallie, you didn't give a judgment.

[49:06] What do you think?

[49:07] Well, is there a middle of the road?

[49:09] Good movie, bad, bad movie.

[49:11] Bad, bad movie, good, bad movie, or movie kind of liked?

[49:14] Movie kind of liked.

[49:15] I thought it was in the middle.

[49:16] I wouldn't say it's a—

[49:18] Wow, there were definitely moments during this movie, Hallie, where you were like,

[49:22] this movie sucks.

[49:23] Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[49:24] It came around.

[49:25] Well, exactly.

[49:27] It came around, but it was 110 minutes long, and not much happened in it.

[49:35] It was very slow.

[49:36] Yeah.

[49:37] It has like three locations.

[49:38] It's weird because it's based on the first part of a 16-part book series.

[49:44] It's based on Paradise Lawn.

[49:46] It's not like they don't have a lot of material, but they really like—they wanted the rapture

[49:51] to be like the one thing that happened in this movie, and then the plane crash.

[49:55] Yeah, there's not a lot of other stuff that happens.

[49:57] But it also just made me sad how—

[50:00] terrible Nicolas Cage looked it was like when you see a building that's being

[50:05] dressed for a set and they like make a face like a fake facade on it because

[50:09] it was like his hair was clearly fake he was wearing blue contacts like it just

[50:14] looked like he was such a shell of a like shriveled man beneath all of these

[50:20] physical props no I'm sad I think when you pronounce these words it's in a very

[50:38] show-off II way gyro hero Sacre bleu Sacre bleu Ayers rock foolaroo what you

[50:49] are witnessing is real the participants are not actors they are actual litigants

[50:55] with real cases they call in via Skype to judge John Hodgman's court the real

[51:01] people's court now I call you to judge John Hodgman's internet court find it at

[51:07] maximumfund.org or wherever you download podcasts I'm Jesse Thorne I'm Jordan

[51:14] Morris the federal government has millions of dollars in programs and

[51:18] opportunities that you need to seize today you're a taxpayer right well then

[51:23] you've got it coming thanks to Uncle Sam you can get grant programs for veterans

[51:28] unlimited access to our nation's most erotic Natural History Museum fruit for

[51:33] you and your family the opportunity to tell the Department of Water and Power

[51:36] to go suck your own personal radioactive brick a real wearable

[51:41] bull detector a kite that won't let everybody know you're a sexist Greyhound

[51:46] tickets from here to there to everywhere access to a variety of dolphins handfuls

[51:53] of sweet fleshy crawdads sensual songs of the South Seas a real-life slap fight

[51:59] with the guy who played the president in the fifth element access to your public

[52:03] library secret stash of saucy nudist films from the 1920s don't wait right

[52:09] now for all of this and more drop us a line Jordan Jesse go one two three

[52:15] iTunes Street or wherever you download podcasts but we should move on to

[52:21] letters from listeners letters from who letters from who letters from you the

[52:29] listeners at home take it Hallie letters from you it's the listeners at

[52:33] home why do you listen and why do you live at home why don't you live

[52:40] somewhere other than home just try something new why not like a shoe live

[52:47] in a shoe live in a shoe and write us a letter about you and your life in the

[52:54] and thanks for being part of our I like it he has won me over by the end short

[53:05] and sweet just like Dan likes it just like the dwarf in the movie he was and

[53:16] he was never redeemed by the way he just got like he just got punted down I was

[53:22] slide I was really hoping there was gonna be that scene between the Muslim

[53:27] guy and the dwarf and they're like damn it I respect you or something I do a

[53:31] warrior class

[53:36] devotion to Islam devotion to

[53:46] really have a choice about that but Dan read us some letters spin us a tail

[53:51] reach into that mailbag of yours read us a letter you're the letter man read

[53:57] us a letter tonight David Letterman that is the late show is from Elan last name

[54:13] withheld I've had a long-running fascination with a certain type of song

[54:16] that used to appear on movie soundtracks letter song and to be clear

[54:21] usually on the soundtracks of bad bad movies but appears to have fallen out of

[54:25] favor this is a song that was not merely written for the movie and inspired by

[54:29] its themes but it's about the movie or the characters in the movie hmm the

[54:33] distinction I'm drawing is between your danger zone and your ons our own and like

[54:38] former Kenny Loggins top gun is at some points explicitly about flying

[54:43] airplanes but it doesn't for example break down the beach volleyball match

[54:47] mourn goose's fiery death or mentioned that literally everyone in Top Gun

[54:51] including Kelly McGillis in a suit wears the same white beefy pocket team

[54:56] danger zone is evocative of the Top Gun averse but that's all if Top Gun was

[55:01] suddenly stricken from our collective memory danger zone would not provide any

[55:04] clues that had ever existed similar tunes weird science why only go boingo

[55:10] footloose by Kenny Loggins I know they talk about pictures from a magazine my

[55:15] creation that's true who's that girl by Madonna Friday by ice cube fame by Irene

[55:20] Cara he's got game by public enemy the never-ending story by limb Hall virtually

[55:26] every title to actual bond film now Goldfinger what about oh that's pretty

[55:31] specific it's not it's pretty non-universal that there's a man with

[55:35] the Midas touch who tries to convince you to do bad stuff I think that I think

[55:40] the key is plot elements I'll get on to it in a moment well there's that part in

[55:45] Goldfinger where it's like he'll cover you in gold till you're dead that's

[55:50] right little guy with a hat that kills he doesn't

[55:55] expect you to talk he expects you to die from a crotch laser gold finger on our

[56:03] own Bobby Brown Ghostbusters 2 is a different story altogether man we hear

[56:08] about quote throwing a party for a bunch of children while the wild slime was

[56:13] under the building and learned that the Ghostbusters who are quote in control

[56:17] once called what's called quote grabbed their proton packs off their back and

[56:23] they split no subtlety here but he also sang that Adams family rap that's the

[56:30] oh yeah you're right about how they kick what they they do what they want to do

[56:34] and play out they want to play and kick and they stop a friend

[56:39] similar literal movie songs Adams family by tag-team Adams groove by MC hammer

[56:45] that dance way Prince ninja rap by vanilla eyes turtle power by MC hammer

[56:49] men in black and black suits coming nod your head by Will Smith wild wild west

[56:54] by Will Smith drew a hill and cool Modi deepest bluest by L cool Jay someone's

[56:58] PhD thesis I think you've got city a crime the rap song drag when I was the

[57:05] Goonies song what categories that fall under that is I would say the first

[57:09] category I mean the Goonies aren't good enough does not say anything about the

[57:12] actual plot of doing that's true just says the name and identifies them being

[57:16] good enough anyway where do you stand on this trend I can never make it my mind

[57:20] many more or less all these songs are embarrassingly bad cash grabs some are

[57:25] catchy as hell some are good bad and even kind of like some of them

[57:28] particularly MC hammer super catchy and super detailed turtle power why did it

[57:33] stop I kind of miss these dumb soundtrack tunes and feel they need to

[57:37] be reintroduced for serious artier films maybe get Springsteen to roughly run

[57:42] through the plot of winter's bone he kind of did that with the wrestler right

[57:45] yeah Philadelphia a little bit yeah both I guess Philadelphia streets of

[57:50] Philadelphia is not really about AIDS though yeah yeah I'm gonna skip to the

[57:53] end because you're wrong wait but it what doesn't that turtle power song

[57:56] mention Raphael is the leader of the group that's incorrect doesn't he

[57:59] mention he's just he is the coolest doesn't what I said doesn't he mention

[58:09] heroes and a half show well that's the theme song and turtle power I thought

[58:12] MC Hammer saying that I don't think so star of the show Hallie Hagelin she's

[58:19] totally revealed herself over time to be the star of a show that's you get the

[58:23] drift there's only a few more sentences and they're not key well I mean I like a

[58:32] good song that describes the plot of a movie but they're usually yeah like

[58:35] you're saying not very good I miss the days when you could pop in a VHS cassette

[58:38] of a movie and then after the movie they would show the music video for that song

[58:43] like famously dream warriors by Dockin at the end yeah where Freddy wakes up

[58:49] and he realizes that he has been haunted by Dockin or on Terminator 2 on the tape

[58:54] I think they had that you could be mine that's amazing

[58:58] too much bitch slap rapping that's the problem guys I you know with my bitch

[59:04] slap rapping in my cocaine time you get nothing done yeah you're a real waste of

[59:10] ammunition about you yeah no I like I like a good song that recaps the plot

[59:17] say you fell asleep watching the movie sure say that these shadows had offended

[59:25] and you want to think this that all's so I was mended that uh well they appeared

[59:30] you to just slumber here then the song tells you what happened yeah they then

[59:34] you get uh you get Oberon's rap by MC Hammer casting a curse a spell on his

[59:43] wife to make her fall in love with an ass-headed man yeah that's my guest

[59:49] mustard seed I totally wish that when whenever anyone does a Shakespeare movie

[59:54] they have to put a rap song that recaps the plot at the end of it where all the

[1:00:00] Characters are like, are now rapping and dancing.

[1:00:02] Yeah.

[1:00:03] And the rapper's like, oh, there's

[1:00:05] so many turnabouts in this.

[1:00:07] So much cross-dressing.

[1:00:08] I don't know if I can.

[1:00:09] The one for like, Troilus and Cressida and Coriolanus,

[1:00:11] they're like, what happened in this again?

[1:00:15] So thank you for that.

[1:00:16] Elan last name.

[1:00:18] Isn't that a kind of like, antelope or gazelle in Elan?

[1:00:21] Eland, I think they're called.

[1:00:23] How does he spell it?

[1:00:24] Or she?

[1:00:25] It's spelled E-L-A-N.

[1:00:29] So it's like.

[1:00:31] No, the pronunciation's spelled out, I think.

[1:00:33] Yeah, he gave the pronunciation.

[1:00:35] But yeah, it would be Elan.

[1:00:38] But it's not.

[1:00:39] If it was the word, it's spelled the same.

[1:00:42] That's pronunciation corner with all of us.

[1:00:45] We did a great job.

[1:00:47] Continue.

[1:00:49] Slave.

[1:00:52] So this is from Joaquin, last name with hell.

[1:00:54] Phoenix.

[1:00:55] Joaquin Phoenix.

[1:00:56] No.

[1:00:57] Don't be shy.

[1:00:59] It says, dear Radio Zork, in order to open the door,

[1:01:02] we need to know what it looks like with regards

[1:01:04] to, I don't know, weird keyholes and handles and stuff.

[1:01:07] Therefore, I vote that we, and here's a prompt sign,

[1:01:10] look at door.

[1:01:12] Look at door.

[1:01:15] I'll handle this one.

[1:01:16] You see a door.

[1:01:19] So I hope that helps you guys.

[1:01:22] Remember, your choices are to try the key on the door.

[1:01:25] That's A, right?

[1:01:26] A, to try the key on the door.

[1:01:27] B, to turn the knob.

[1:01:29] Or C, to push the door without using the key.

[1:01:32] What about option four?

[1:01:33] What is option four?

[1:01:34] I believe option four is wait outside the door

[1:01:37] for another guest to arrive.

[1:01:38] That's true.

[1:01:38] There's always that.

[1:01:40] So A, B, C, or four.

[1:01:42] Those are your options.

[1:01:45] Coincidentally, or not so coincidentally,

[1:01:47] since I chose these letters.

[1:01:49] Oh, what a spooky coincidence.

[1:01:51] The watchmaker has revealed his design.

[1:01:55] Do you want to play a little game?

[1:01:56] Truly, Dan does not play dice with the universe.

[1:01:59] The final letter of the night is from Dave, last name withheld,

[1:02:07] who writes, from Dave Navarro.

[1:02:14] Dear Flophousers, rejoice.

[1:02:16] Kohlhousers.

[1:02:19] Rejoice, for Radio Zork already exists, sort of.

[1:02:23] My friend, Jared Sorenson, is a game designer.

[1:02:27] Jared, son of sword.

[1:02:30] Born on a battlefield.

[1:02:33] Son of Soran.

[1:02:35] All right.

[1:02:36] He's a game designer.

[1:02:37] Child of the dark one.

[1:02:38] A couple of years ago, he designed Action Castle,

[1:02:42] a party game in which a player takes on the role of computer

[1:02:45] when you play Zork.

[1:02:46] Plays on the show Castle.

[1:02:48] Gather a group of friends and take turns

[1:02:50] issuing commands to the parser whom

[1:02:52] the game encourages to respond in the infuriating, literal way

[1:02:55] we all remember from classic Zork.

[1:02:58] It's a small game that fits on a double-sided sheet of paper.

[1:03:00] I've enclosed a link to a PDF version

[1:03:02] so you can check it out.

[1:03:03] If you like Action Castle, Jared wrote six or seven other versions

[1:03:08] with different settings, including

[1:03:09] Space Station, Spooky Manor, Z-Ward, a zombie adventure,

[1:03:13] and Action Castle 2.

[1:03:15] Here's the link.

[1:03:15] More castle-ing.

[1:03:17] I hope you all get a kick out of it.

[1:03:19] But given Stuart's deep-cut tabletop RPG references,

[1:03:22] I suspect he might like it the most.

[1:03:25] Stuart, you made a Shadowrunner reference

[1:03:26] in one of the podcasts that included a reference

[1:03:28] to a person not having a social identification number, a SIN.

[1:03:32] Please know that at least one shummer out here

[1:03:34] knew what you're talking about.

[1:03:36] Watch out for the Gru.

[1:03:37] Dave, last name withheld.

[1:03:38] I've printed out Action Castle here for Stuart.

[1:03:41] Oh, great.

[1:03:43] So am I going to play this?

[1:03:44] Oh, that does look cool.

[1:03:46] How many new yen would this cost?

[1:03:48] That's another Shadowrun reference.

[1:03:50] I don't want man armor, that stuff.

[1:03:53] And, you know, my nervousness is just

[1:03:57] in the area of being socially awkward.

[1:04:00] Well, that looks really great.

[1:04:01] That's true.

[1:04:02] I like the font that they use for the name Action Castle.

[1:04:06] It's spelled out with bricks.

[1:04:07] And there's a wooden door there.

[1:04:12] You know, I think I'm.

[1:04:13] It's got it all.

[1:04:13] Yeah, it's something I would want to write a paper with.

[1:04:19] Or at least a suicide note.

[1:04:22] I don't need these wingdings anymore.

[1:04:25] It's the Action Castle font.

[1:04:27] Suicide note and wingdings.

[1:04:29] If you cared about me, you would fucking decipher it.

[1:04:33] I guess type it in and then convert it to another font.

[1:04:37] You're looking through all the individual wingdings.

[1:04:40] It's a long note, too.

[1:04:43] I wish you'd emailed this suicide note to me.

[1:04:46] I just couldn't taste.

[1:04:49] Nobby, cut it out of a magazine.

[1:04:52] Ransom style.

[1:04:54] I can't let anyone know.

[1:04:55] I can't let you know whose suicide note this is.

[1:05:00] Wingdings out of a magazine.

[1:05:02] Take $30,000, leave it in a bag under the bench in the park.

[1:05:06] I killed myself.

[1:05:10] Donated all to charity.

[1:05:13] I see a.

[1:05:14] Oh, you'll never see me again.

[1:05:15] You never will anyway.

[1:05:16] It's a suicide note.

[1:05:20] So, yeah, thank you for that game.

[1:05:23] That's great.

[1:05:23] How many suicide notes do you think have psych in them?

[1:05:29] Or like.

[1:05:30] Star of this TV show, Psych.

[1:05:32] Or a suicide note that says, like, I had a great life.

[1:05:34] I was really happy.

[1:05:35] Not from me.

[1:05:38] When I was when I was growing up, I definitely had a black T-shirt

[1:05:41] that had in very large white letters.

[1:05:45] It just said not across it.

[1:05:46] And I thought it was hilarious.

[1:05:48] I would wear that today.

[1:05:49] I wish I had that shirt.

[1:05:51] Because you're totally a hipster star of a podcast.

[1:05:54] Yeah.

[1:05:58] How is like how are you like seems pleased by that.

[1:06:01] No, I was just.

[1:06:02] Yeah, go on.

[1:06:08] So I cut the sleeves off right now.

[1:06:10] There's one final.

[1:06:12] It's the final part of the final judgments.

[1:06:14] We did that.

[1:06:14] It was a good, great movie.

[1:06:15] We recommend the movie that we talked about.

[1:06:18] Music.

[1:06:19] Yep.

[1:06:20] Is there any time recommend a movie that we actually like?

[1:06:23] Unlike we don't like movies.

[1:06:25] You might even say we hate movies, but we're not allowed to because of copyright.

[1:06:30] Yeah, that's true.

[1:06:31] I'm going to quickly go through this.

[1:06:35] I went to there at the Film Forum.

[1:06:38] They were doing a series of double features of Traveler by plane.

[1:06:42] Uh, I don't get that.

[1:06:44] You're just I'm just fishing, slowing down the guys were just complaining.

[1:06:50] I'm the one slowing the podcast down.

[1:06:52] I'm sorry, guys.

[1:06:54] So, Dan, do you have popcorn over there?

[1:06:56] What?

[1:06:57] Why are you doing this?

[1:06:59] You guys wanted to get out of here.

[1:07:00] And I got to go home and buy my not T-shirt.

[1:07:05] So you got to get home before the birds come out.

[1:07:08] Oh, my God.

[1:07:11] Anyway, there there was a series of true crime double features at the Film Forum.

[1:07:16] And I it was one of these cases where I didn't know the films that were playing.

[1:07:21] But I just sort of took a chance on it because you figure that the programmers

[1:07:25] there know what they're doing.

[1:07:26] You're going to see something interesting.

[1:07:27] And I saw a movie that I really enjoyed called The Phoenix City Story, which was

[1:07:32] based on the actual story of the Phoenix Phoenix City mythology.

[1:07:38] And Phoenix is spelled without an O.

[1:07:40] So if you're looking it up, spell it in a way that looks like you're misspelling

[1:07:43] Phoenix.

[1:07:45] But this was a town that was notorious for having a bunch of gambling,

[1:07:53] prostitution, associated criminal enterprises.

[1:07:57] And it was cleaned up by a crusading guy who wanted to be district attorney who

[1:08:03] ended up being shot down in the streets there.

[1:08:07] It's a very gritty movie.

[1:08:08] It's a surprisingly sort of brutal film noir that I had never heard of before that

[1:08:13] involves, among other things, a child being killed and thrown out of a car, which you

[1:08:17] don't expect to see in one of these movies ever in a modern movie.

[1:08:22] You don't expect to see it.

[1:08:24] And it was directed in a dream.

[1:08:27] It was directed by Phil Carlson, who is sort of a journeyman director who also

[1:08:33] directed Kansas City Confidential.

[1:08:35] And he directed Walking Tall, which is interesting to me because the Phoenix City

[1:08:39] story is a movie that takes a strong stance against vigilante justice when cleaning up

[1:08:45] a town, whereas Walking Tall is very much in favor of walking around with a two by four

[1:08:52] and hitting people to clean up a town.

[1:08:54] The Hacksaw Jim Duggan story.

[1:08:56] Yeah.

[1:08:57] So the Phoenix City story is what I recommend.

[1:09:01] Anyone else?

[1:09:03] Hallie, have you ever seen a movie before?

[1:09:04] Yeah, I have a recommendation.

[1:09:06] Oh, the notebook comes out.

[1:09:09] Yes.

[1:09:10] I want to recommend a movie I saw last year or I think probably.

[1:09:18] The last year or I think probably.

[1:09:21] Doesn't matter because you're going to see it, not last year.

[1:09:28] The movie.

[1:09:28] It's called Last Year, I think probably at Marion Bed.

[1:09:31] It's called only watch this movie if it's the year that you Hallie watched it.

[1:09:38] No, it's a movie.

[1:09:39] We are the best.

[1:09:40] The Swedish movie by Lucas Moody's son is probably pronounced properly.

[1:09:50] Yeah, I yeah.

[1:09:52] OK, so.

[1:09:53] So it's about these young.

[1:09:56] I think they're like in junior high rockers who.

[1:10:00] these young girls who form this punk rock band and are badass and the minute

[1:10:06] I saw it the anyone I knew who had like a close to teenage age girl teenage yeah

[1:10:13] teenage age girl I recommended it to because it's just like such a like you

[1:10:20] never want to walk out of a movie and genuinely feel like oh that was a really

[1:10:25] feel-good movie because when that word even occurs to you you feel like a

[1:10:29] cliche but this was a feel-good movie this was so good it's based on a graphic

[1:10:35] novel that his wife wrote Coco Moodison I guess that's called no never good

[1:10:42] night I researched this I have facts to deliver you okay I have okay also

[1:10:53] directed show me love fucking alma together Lilia forever oh he did Lila

[1:11:03] forever yes that's a depressing movie well that's what I just said I just said

[1:11:08] he did it okay so now you've legitimized him so it's a good movie

[1:11:12] now that a now that I a white male has said that it's okay yeah the leather

[1:11:15] gives my words voice Elliot so we are the best I recommend it should I go next

[1:11:25] no I'm gonna go hey guys it's me Stewart I'm gonna recommend a movie that

[1:11:31] I'm gonna I'll even say it's a slightly qualified recommendation but I recently

[1:11:37] watched ex machina which is a movie that came out this year 2015 I think

[1:11:45] no somebody check on your iPhone somebody get a penny from today and it

[1:11:51] is a it is for my suicide note so ex machina is himself with a penny and then

[1:12:04] a page of wingdings so ex machina is a science fiction thriller and it is a

[1:12:18] movie about a young man who works for a Google type company who gets invited to

[1:12:24] spend the weekend at a top-secret research facility slash home by the head

[1:12:30] of that company who is like this crazy like Steve Jobs character played by

[1:12:35] Oscar Isaacs who has probably the best bald beard action I've seen in a long

[1:12:39] time and it is a and he this elusive head of this company slowly introduced

[1:12:49] well but not even that slowly introduces this young contest winner to this

[1:12:54] experiment that he's performing and it is a thriller that ends up not being all

[1:13:01] that thrilling at times it's not it's creepy it has a it's creepy but I said

[1:13:06] creepiness which is true but it's not I don't think it's patient enough to

[1:13:10] really consider it like a good thriller however it is a beautiful movie the

[1:13:16] performances are great there's some really great scenes including this

[1:13:19] amazing dance scene with Oscar Isaac and it has some really great gender like

[1:13:29] a really interesting commentary on gender and it's yeah so I think it's a

[1:13:33] I think it's a really great movie and it stuck with me it just doesn't

[1:13:38] necessarily work as a thriller I for me I think I liked it a little bit more

[1:13:43] than you I would have recommended it this week if I hadn't already sort of

[1:13:47] decided on what my recommendation was and the main guys is is great but

[1:13:53] particularly Oscar Isaac and the woman who does the yeah I mean that Alicia

[1:13:58] Vikander like there that's a breakout performance yeah it's some kind of

[1:14:02] amazing I want to see that movie I haven't seen yet I was gonna recommend I

[1:14:08] wanted to recommend a religious movie to Stephen theme with left the name of the

[1:14:13] road even though I am NOT a Christian I often find myself touched and inspired

[1:14:18] by overtly Christian works of art unfortunately two of the movies that I

[1:14:23] thought of to recommend I've recommended already a matter of life and death and

[1:14:27] winter light so I've decided this is also gonna be a slightly qualified

[1:14:31] recommendation because I think this movie is more interesting than great

[1:14:35] it's like a not a bad movie but it's more interesting anything else and it's

[1:14:38] called the next voice you hear it's a movie from 1950 where one night at 830

[1:14:45] God appears on the radio and just kind of talks through the radio to everyone

[1:14:49] on earth and he says hey what's up he's like hey I'm taking requests

[1:14:55] bladders on the on the matter I got a stack of black shellac and medications

[1:15:00] not to Jenny in San Diego so it's like you know like he's an old-timey sorry

[1:15:05] going out to a hundred thousand Malaysians it's a tsunami let's take it

[1:15:09] away but uh yeah you never you know what you did but you know the audience never

[1:15:14] hears what God is saying over the radio and people are not quite sure what's

[1:15:17] going on but as opposed to left behind where you're seeing something religious

[1:15:22] has taken place and the result is devastation and chaos and fire this is a

[1:15:27] much more like small-scale and kind of calmer and contemplative movie where a

[1:15:31] family and the people they know or kind of trying to wrap their heads around the

[1:15:36] idea that God is actually reaching out communicating to people and through this

[1:15:39] very common manner of the radio and it's like it's not an amazing movie it's

[1:15:44] directed by William Wellman who did direct a number of amazing movies but

[1:15:47] uh that's an interesting movie and it's a like an inch it's just an interesting

[1:15:51] thing to see it's the kind of movie that I have trouble seeing someone making now

[1:15:55] because it's both overtly religious but it's not 2012 you know we're like you

[1:16:02] know it's not apocalyptic you know that's called destiny turns on the radio

[1:16:06] yeah yeah it's got Nancy Travis and Quentin Tarantino it's called them the

[1:16:12] next voice yeah that is 90s it can get yeah they're all eating whatchamacallit

[1:16:19] they're all listening to the single soundtrack every scene they're all like

[1:16:25] what about this president Clinton huh I hope he never has an extramarital

[1:16:29] affair let's all watch party five hey the X-Files is on and then Seinfeld so

[1:16:36] guys thanks for being here thanks for being a friend

[1:16:40] starring in the podcast once again every week thank you for having me as the star

[1:16:46] sharing the limelight with us a little bit yeah you're welcome

[1:16:52] you don't sound like I'm welcome we should sign off for the podcast I've

[1:17:01] been Dan McCoy I've been Stewart Wellington I think I'm Elliot Kaelin

[1:17:05] and the star and I'm Halle Haglund as herself good night everyone

[1:17:20] Halle do you want to do the intro? Oh I don't think I'm qualified. Or do you want to be a surprise for when you just do it and at the end you go with me. Yeah you guys do the intro.

[1:17:34] Hey on this episode we watched a little movie called Left Behind. No no don't

[1:17:38] leave me behind I want to be in the episode. Oh boy. We watched and this episode

[1:17:52] Cage Miss. Oh yeah mention that it's Cage Miss in July. No no we'll do that. Jingle Bells Jingle Bells Jingle Bells Jingle Bells.

[1:18:00] On this episode we watched Left Behind. It's Cage Miss in July. Jingle Bells

[1:18:06] Jingle Bells Jingle Bells. Jingle all the way. Should we do another one? Yes. Okay. We watched Left Behind. Did you want to say on this

[1:18:20] episode? No. Should we do another one? Sure. Can we just keep doing these all night?

Ep. #183 - Left Behind

Chapters

Transcript

Description