The Flop House EXTRA: Best of the First 75 Episodes

[0:00] Hey everyone, welcome to a special episode of the podcast.

[0:09] I've compiled, with the help of some folks on the Facebook fan group, the favorite moments

[0:17] from the first 75 episodes of The Flophouse.

[0:21] Thanks to Jason and Michael McIsaac for pulling a lot of these sound files for me, actually

[0:26] all of these sound files for me.

[0:29] We hope you enjoy this special best of, and why not use this to maybe introduce other

[0:36] people into the Flophouse fold.

[0:38] It would be a good way for new fans to sort of get an idea of what the show's all about.

[0:45] So thanks for listening.

[0:46] Sorry, your son has been burned.

[0:52] Now why would he learn by telegram?

[0:55] His son didn't die overseas.

[0:56] I can imagine that everyone whose sons die, they get a telegram about it.

[1:00] Yep.

[1:01] Somebody from the war department shows up.

[1:02] Well, he was an FBI agent.

[1:05] Sure.

[1:06] It's not even close.

[1:07] Not even close.

[1:08] He used telegrams.

[1:09] But ultimately there was just...

[1:10] Teddy grams?

[1:11] I'm sorry.

[1:12] All the World War II wives whose husbands were, dreaded those teddy grams.

[1:20] We're sorry about your son.

[1:25] Here's some teddy grams.

[1:26] Maybe that'll cheer you up.

[1:27] These chocolates are so gross, dude.

[1:30] They're little bear cookies.

[1:33] Maybe that'll take a place in your heart.

[1:36] Maybe this will ease some of the sting.

[1:38] It's a little cracker.

[1:39] It looks like a bear.

[1:42] Anyway.

[1:43] Oh, Colin Higgs time.

[1:44] I got a lot of teddy grams to give out today.

[1:49] I'll see you later, I guess.

[1:55] Wait a minute.

[1:57] So he might see her again?

[1:59] I don't know if I'll see her around.

[2:01] It's distasteful to hit on a woman just then, but he knows she's single.

[2:05] He's going to come back with more teddy grams.

[2:08] Catch her on the flip side.

[2:11] She's all alone.

[2:15] So it looks like a teddy gram delivery guy can give her...

[2:18] Any man who gives her a teddy gram is just going to be so grateful.

[2:23] That's what it was like in Europe after the war.

[2:25] The soldier just had to give girls teddy grams and they could do whatever they wanted.

[2:29] Yeah, I didn't know that.

[2:30] It was a teddy gram based economy.

[2:34] Let's make it clear that the killer initially looks like Charles Manson.

[2:39] This is a high school teacher.

[2:40] Or Jim Caviezel in Passion for the Christ.

[2:42] Yeah, like everybody's high school teacher.

[2:44] But he looks like a crazy bum killer.

[2:47] Yeah, like everybody's high school gym teacher or science teacher.

[2:50] It looks like he crawled out from under the boardwalk and then got to class, taught you, and then went to a crack house.

[2:56] And then hung out with Brian Wilson and killed a bunch of people.

[3:00] He gets into a men's hospital.

[3:03] They shave off his crazy hair and beard, and he escapes looking like a shorn person.

[3:09] But the cops, the picture they're working off of is still his mug shot from three years ago with the hair and the beard.

[3:15] And every time they show it to people, they're like, no, haven't seen this guy.

[3:19] Haven't seen that guy wearing the ski mask and the cowboy hat.

[3:24] Yeah, I was saying that I wanted – like there's a point in which one of the teens sees and is like, there's something about that guy that rings a bell.

[3:31] And I wanted a scene where she somehow gets like –

[3:34] Was that Columbo?

[3:37] Just one more thing.

[3:40] But like I wanted a scene where she somehow got a hold of a photo of the guy.

[3:43] And then she like drew like a beard on him and a mustache.

[3:48] Or like some novelty mustache and beard sticker got put on that.

[3:54] The picture actually falls into a Wooly Willy magnet and metal shavings toy.

[4:00] And she arranges the beard around it.

[4:02] Or she's standing across a crowded room from the guy.

[4:05] The guy turns toward her and somebody else hands like a phony beard and mustache to a friend across their line of vision.

[4:12] She's behind a plate glass window.

[4:15] And the joker's like, look what happens when I draw.

[4:18] It looks like that guy has a mustache and a beard.

[4:20] Wait a minute.

[4:22] He enters a Manson lookalike contest and puts on a fake beard.

[4:25] Has there ever been a joke in a TV show where there's a police sketch artist using a Wooly Willy to put together sketches of criminals?

[4:33] I think so.

[4:34] That's a funny joke.

[4:36] Sounds like a family guy joke.

[4:37] Yeah, you're right.

[4:38] Now I hate it.

[4:39] Burn.

[4:40] He's a house cat.

[4:41] She played Queen Amygdala.

[4:44] She had babies.

[4:45] Darth Vader's baby.

[4:46] And then she died out of a lack of will to live.

[4:48] That was so.

[4:49] It's like she lost the will to live.

[4:51] And I got so mad.

[4:52] I was like, what about her fucking kids she just had?

[4:54] Think of all like a robot.

[4:56] Like, was that like?

[4:57] I do love that the robot.

[4:59] There's a nurse bot that knows human emotion better than the Jedi's do.

[5:03] Like that scene would have worked so much better if she died.

[5:05] And the nurse bot was like, I don't understand.

[5:08] Her vital signs are fine.

[5:09] And someone said, she just lost the will to live.

[5:12] And the robot's like, huh?

[5:13] And looks confused.

[5:14] And then melts.

[5:15] Yeah, and then melts out of the logic loop.

[5:17] Shooting out sparks.

[5:18] It's just like the Kobayashi Maru.

[5:20] Or if there's a later scene where you see the robot at home where the robot's like,

[5:24] I didn't have the heart to tell them I never passed my robotic medical exam.

[5:29] I've been practicing without a robo license.

[5:33] I lost the will to live.

[5:34] I guess that's it.

[5:35] Really?

[5:36] Because they're bleeding all over the place.

[5:37] Is that really it?

[5:38] Man, 15 of your patients lost the will to live this week.

[5:42] That's terrible.

[5:43] You got the worst luck, nurse bot.

[5:45] Yeah, I know.

[5:46] Pretty bad, huh?

[5:47] Beep, beep, boop, boop.

[5:48] Oh, rats.

[5:51] Now it's someone just pretending to be a robot?

[5:53] Yeah.

[5:57] No java longa.

[6:00] Man, we could do that forever.

[6:02] Any occupation that you can rhyme things with.

[6:05] Why don't you do it at home?

[6:07] That's how you do the formation of the Jedi, right?

[6:09] Appropriate occupation.

[6:11] And then reverse engineer a title.

[6:14] Like penis gobbler.

[6:16] That would be Mr. McGobbler's.

[6:18] No, that doesn't make sense.

[6:20] Mr. Meanest Gobbler's.

[6:22] Mr. Mark Knopfler's Penis Gobbler's.

[6:25] Which is a great album.

[6:27] You should buy it.

[6:29] Maybe for your dad for Christmas.

[6:32] I think your dad enjoys the smooth sounds of Mark Knopfler.

[6:35] The Dire Straits album, Penis Gobbler's.

[6:38] Oh, dear.

[6:39] We do have fun.

[6:40] This was supposed to be called I Still Want My MTV.

[6:42] Why did you...

[6:43] Who made this unauthorized title change?

[6:45] Mr. Knopfler, right?

[6:47] Well, we didn't expect you to come down here, sir.

[6:50] We were just screwing around.

[6:52] We were just fooling around with Photoshop.

[6:54] And, well, we accidentally had to stay.

[6:58] And by then the system was in charge.

[7:00] It was too late.

[7:02] You have so many movies about hitmen.

[7:04] And, you know, a good hitman story I'm fine with.

[7:07] I don't care.

[7:08] When I was a kid Boba Fett was my favorite Star Wars character.

[7:10] Whatever, dude.

[7:14] I don't know if he was out...

[7:15] I don't think he had a hit out on Han Solo.

[7:17] I mean, he did.

[7:18] He was more of a bounty hunter.

[7:19] He was a bounty hunter, but he would kill.

[7:21] Yeah, I guess.

[7:22] You have to assume he killed plenty.

[7:23] I mean, it is the Star Wars universe, so probably everyone shot at him first.

[7:26] But he did kill them.

[7:27] Yeah.

[7:28] Then he got eaten by a giant anus in the ground.

[7:30] Yeah, but in the books he's escaped from that.

[7:32] So it's okay.

[7:33] Thanks, Timothy Zahn.

[7:34] That was the one moment in Return of the Jedi

[7:36] where it felt like David Cronenberg had started directing the film.

[7:39] Wait, there's a giant anus that eats people in the middle of the desert?

[7:43] Just in the ground somewhere?

[7:45] I don't understand.

[7:46] I think it burps after eating Boba Fett.

[7:48] Yes, it does.

[7:49] Which implies that it has a stomach, a throat, everything.

[7:52] And it has a sense of comic timing.

[7:57] I want to tell you one thing about that Sarlacc.

[7:59] It also burps really fast

[8:03] considering that it slowly digests over thousands of years.

[8:06] Yeah, exactly.

[8:07] Everything in Return of the Jedi burps after eating.

[8:09] Jabba the Head eats a frog, burps.

[8:11] That little thing that sticks out of the desert ground,

[8:13] zaps a bug with its tongue, burps.

[8:15] You're talking about Salacious Crumb.

[8:17] Salacious Crumb doesn't burp.

[8:18] He would have used the name.

[8:19] I trust Eliot on that one.

[8:20] Come on.

[8:21] We were doing Jack Nicholson impressions of

[8:24] Max Rebo, Cy Snoodles, they're all there.

[8:26] They're all there.

[8:27] Rangor, probably.

[8:28] I don't remember.

[8:29] Yak Man, Yak Man.

[8:34] I wish I could remember the name of the Rangor keeper,

[8:36] but I forgot his name.

[8:37] Admiral Ackbar, probably.

[8:39] I don't fucking care.

[8:40] We were doing Jack Nicholson in other roles today.

[8:44] So it was like Jack Nicholson in other things.

[8:48] And my contribution to that was Jack Nicholson as Bib Fortuna.

[8:53] No Jabba Wonga.

[8:55] You know, that kind of thing.

[8:57] Hey, man.

[9:00] Jabba Nobata.

[9:02] And again, my favorite thing, Return of the Jedi.

[9:04] They create Huddies as a language,

[9:06] and the Huddies phrase for Jedi mind trick is

[9:08] Jedi mind trick.

[9:10] Huddies does not have a word for mind or for trick.

[9:13] Look.

[9:14] The great mobster race of the universe

[9:17] has no word for trick.

[9:18] I don't know.

[9:19] I mean, that makes sense to me.

[9:21] It's like in France where they're like

[9:23] Le Bleu Jeans, you know?

[9:24] But Le Bleu Jeans are an invention that was brought to them.

[9:27] It's not a common everyday thing like tricking.

[9:30] Jedi's are not common in the...

[9:32] No, it's not Jedi that I have such an issue with.

[9:34] It's mind trick.

[9:35] Oh, I see.

[9:36] So they've never referred to their minds or tricking.

[9:38] Maybe they say mind trick because they give no credence to it.

[9:43] They think it's bullshit.

[9:44] They're trying to, like, lessen it in the eyes of their race.

[9:46] Oh, maybe.

[9:47] Anyway, this is off topic, but...

[9:49] Really?

[9:50] Hit men are just so...

[9:52] We didn't watch Return of the Jedi tonight?

[9:54] Here's my problem.

[9:56] The Ewoks are so technologically primitive.

[9:58] How could they...

[10:00] The Zulu Wars show us that...

[10:02] What I don't understand is how...

[10:04] The Ewoks are the Vietnamese.

[10:06] There's that one moment in that movie where the one Ewok...

[10:08] It was a war of attrition that took a day and a half.

[10:10] That was the problem with the Imperial Army.

[10:12] There's that one moment where the one Ewok

[10:14] looks to the other guy when C-3PO

[10:16] says some bullshit, and the one Ewok

[10:18] looks to his friend and goes,

[10:20] that guy's wise. And you're like, holy shit,

[10:22] he just spoke English for a second.

[10:24] I don't remember that part.

[10:26] You need to watch it again, I promise.

[10:28] The Jedi after they get away from Jabba's palace.

[10:30] Yeah, that's the best part.

[10:32] Wait, Keith? Keith Sutherland?

[10:34] Keith or Sutherland.

[10:36] Son of Don Al Sutherland.

[10:38] He's been a little typecast lately,

[10:40] ever since he was on that 24 Hours show.

[10:42] Ever since he's been a successful actor

[10:44] on a successful television show,

[10:46] he's been typecast.

[10:48] Everybody thinks that he's

[10:50] always this hard-nosed

[10:52] FBI agent guy

[10:54] who's only got 24 hours to live

[10:56] or something.

[10:58] He's gotta spend a lot of time talking on the phone.

[11:00] Be great if that was the premise, and then by the fourth season

[11:02] it's like, you only have 24 hours to live

[11:04] again?

[11:06] It's like, Mr. President, I'm gonna need the antidote

[11:08] right away.

[11:10] Nope, not until you finish the case.

[11:12] Can't do that this time,

[11:14] Keith Sutherland.

[11:16] Wait, so his character

[11:18] is named Keith Sutherland?

[11:20] Yeah, it's hard.

[11:22] It's acting, Dan.

[11:24] Jerry Seinfeld playing himself.

[11:26] Oh, man.

[11:28] When he played Jeremy Seinfeld.

[11:32] So, I was kind of hoping this would also follow the trend

[11:34] of having a great twist

[11:36] and being really gory and awesome.

[11:38] I mean, it had a great twist. He's stuck in the mirror at the end.

[11:40] Wait, what?

[11:42] He gets trapped in the mirror

[11:44] and that's why the writing is backwards.

[11:46] Come on, what are you talking about?

[11:48] Wait, that's why the writing was backwards?

[11:50] Yes, because he's trapped in the mirror.

[11:52] I thought he was stuck on the head and he was retarded or something.

[11:54] No.

[11:56] That would be a very different understanding of the film.

[11:58] I was going to say, because that was really sad.

[12:00] Is he going to support his family?

[12:02] It's like Flowers for Algernon.

[12:04] Yeah, it's exactly like Flowers for Algernon.

[12:10] I mean, it was better than normal in the movies we've seen.

[12:12] I mean, wait, compared to what?

[12:14] Compared to what at the end?

[12:16] Mirrors?

[12:18] Yeah, basically.

[12:20] It had that great twist ending, so that made everything okay.

[12:22] What?

[12:24] Twist ending at the end of Mirrors.

[12:26] Yeah, where he ends up stuck in the mirror world.

[12:28] Wait, what movie was this?

[12:30] It was in Mirrors.

[12:32] Keeper Sutherland.

[12:34] Wait, in that movie?

[12:36] At the end of it, he ends up in a mirror world.

[12:38] He's stuck in the mirror.

[12:40] What are you talking about?

[12:42] It's the twist ending.

[12:44] Get out of here. That didn't happen.

[12:46] It's not like turning your car into a flying dinosaur monster.

[12:48] No.

[12:50] They do briefly go into a mirror world.

[12:52] Like Keeper Sutherland.

[12:54] Yeah.

[12:56] Wait, what?

[12:58] Keeper Sutherland in the movie Mirrors.

[13:00] At the end of the movie, he goes into a mirror world.

[13:02] What are you talking about?

[13:04] No, no, he gets trapped in the mirror world.

[13:06] For real?

[13:08] Yeah.

[13:10] Get the fuck out of here.

[13:14] While she was filling out her form, a guy went,

[13:16] You were supposed to have a press pass for me.

[13:18] I'm from aquafan.blogspot.com.

[13:20] I guess an Aquaman fan site.

[13:22] She goes,

[13:24] Can you spell that out?

[13:26] We'll get the paperwork for you together.

[13:28] Not a high bar set for the press at Comic Con.

[13:30] So, everyone out there,

[13:32] go to aquafan.blogspot.com.

[13:34] I may have forgotten the URL.

[13:36] Nice advertising, dude.

[13:38] Let's see if that's a real URL.

[13:40] Okay, let's see.

[13:42] Okay, it looks like

[13:44] aquafan.blogspot.com

[13:46] is

[13:48] underwater sex experience.

[13:50] Has anyone

[13:52] tried it yet?

[13:54] There's only one post here, guys.

[13:56] It's just asking if anybody's had sex underwater

[13:58] and if it was awesome or something.

[14:00] Yeah, this is really weird.

[14:04] Hey, everyone. Welcome to the Flophouse.

[14:06] I'm Dan McCoy.

[14:08] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[14:10] I'm Elliot Kalin, don't you know.

[14:12] I had a really exciting weekend

[14:14] last weekend.

[14:16] I went upstate

[14:18] to a sculpture garden.

[14:20] I bought some new shoes

[14:22] in an outlet mall.

[14:24] You got a good deal on those?

[14:26] Stuart, I bet you did something exciting.

[14:28] I had a lot of sex.

[14:30] That's always fun.

[14:32] I was spent totally.

[14:34] Wow.

[14:36] I had to stop and

[14:38] drink some Gatorade in the middle.

[14:40] But Elliot, don't worry about it.

[14:42] I think things are going to work out for you at some point.

[14:44] Yeah, I didn't have such a great weekend.

[14:46] Just out of curiosity,

[14:48] what did you do last weekend?

[14:50] Not a lot.

[14:52] Danielle and I were out of town.

[14:54] Just kind of visiting friends.

[14:56] I won the 2009 Emmy

[14:58] for Best Writing for a Comedy, Musical,

[15:00] or Variety Program.

[15:02] I finished Alan Moore's

[15:04] Voice of the Fire.

[15:06] I think we're going to take you back to

[15:08] the Alan Moore thing.

[15:10] You've read Voice of the Fire already?

[15:12] No. We'll talk about that later.

[15:14] But the thing before that,

[15:16] what were you saying?

[15:18] We were out of town.

[15:20] We were visiting some friends.

[15:22] People we knew from college,

[15:24] Danielle's sister and her boyfriend.

[15:26] Who's Danielle again?

[15:28] My fiance.

[15:30] That makes a lot more sense.

[15:32] I thought you were just mispronouncing Dan's name.

[15:34] Dan had quite a weekend.

[15:36] Upstate?

[15:38] That's pretty good.

[15:40] I don't think...

[15:42] We were out of town.

[15:44] Visited some friends.

[15:46] Won an Emmy.

[15:48] Finished the Alan Moore book.

[15:50] Came back into town.

[15:52] It seems to me that winning an Emmy...

[15:54] Wait, what's an Emmy?

[15:56] An Emmy?

[15:58] It's the highest award in television.

[16:00] It doesn't really mean anything.

[16:02] Higher than a daytime Emmy?

[16:04] Well, it's the same award.

[16:06] Higher than a creative arts Emmy?

[16:08] Different levels of programming.

[16:10] Same award for different types of programming.

[16:12] Mine happened to be a primetime Emmy,

[16:14] which means we went

[16:16] and Dewey Houser was the host.

[16:18] We went on stage and I was on television.

[16:20] There's a picture of me and Hollywood Reporter

[16:22] with my boss. Talked to the press a little bit.

[16:24] These things happen. It's work.

[16:26] Another day, another dollar.

[16:28] I guess I'm just going to throw out those shoes then.

[16:30] Yeah.

[16:32] No, those are good shoes.

[16:34] I want to hear about this story.

[16:36] So what kind of...

[16:38] You said they were patent leather.

[16:40] What color are those shoes?

[16:42] I noticed that you're wearing your Emmy around your neck.

[16:44] Yeah, it's a little heavy.

[16:46] Flava Flav style.

[16:48] Is that the world she's holding up?

[16:50] I think it represents

[16:52] an atom with electrons going around

[16:54] because television is the harnessing

[16:56] of the electron to see images.

[16:58] It was designed in the late 40s.

[17:00] So it has this kind of Art Deco style.

[17:02] So she's not like a weird Atlas figure.

[17:04] No, she's kind of like an angel

[17:06] with lightning bolt wings giving.

[17:08] And those are sharp. Watch out.

[17:10] Holding the atom out in the electron.

[17:12] It's a beautiful piece of work.

[17:14] Anyway, so these shoes.

[17:16] That sounds amazing.

[17:18] I'll probably wear them to your wedding.

[17:20] Yeah, next year.

[17:22] It's been kind of a humdrum summer for me.

[17:24] I got engaged.

[17:26] Then a couple of months later I won an Emmy.

[17:28] Stuart, you said you were doing it a lot.

[17:30] Yeah, I had a lot of sex.

[17:32] I shot an assault rifle.

[17:34] Got a tattoo.

[17:36] Pretty good, pretty good.

[17:38] These shoes are just going lower and lower.

[17:40] No, I mean, they're the ones you're wearing now.

[17:42] Those look nice.

[17:44] Yeah, I'm just going to throw these out.

[17:46] Oh, those are like the Great Bikini off-road adventure.

[17:48] That was, I think,

[17:50] too new a movie to show up all night.

[17:52] Should we just stick to

[17:54] these bad movies and their recommendations?

[17:56] The Great Bikini off-road adventure

[17:58] implies there's an adventure in the film.

[18:00] Yeah, it's a great movie.

[18:02] Which there is, of course, none of.

[18:04] Yeah, but there's, you know, there's bikinis

[18:06] and there's topless chicks.

[18:08] And they do go off-road quite a bit.

[18:10] There's some wise Native American dudes.

[18:12] That is the trope of, there's one woman

[18:14] and he keeps losing her top and then the wise Native American

[18:16] collects them and returns them.

[18:18] Yeah, Willie Talsall.

[18:20] That's the character's name.

[18:22] I forgot that was his name.

[18:24] A traffic school?

[18:26] Yes, I think. I've never seen it.

[18:28] I saw that one. I don't understand.

[18:30] That was one I didn't get because

[18:32] it seemed like a traffic school in the sense that

[18:34] it was related somehow to city government.

[18:36] It wasn't like a private organization.

[18:38] But it still had that plot where

[18:40] land developers wanted to take it over

[18:42] and they had to turn it into a bikini

[18:44] organization to save it.

[18:46] This is not a profit

[18:48] business doing a traffic school.

[18:50] You guys remember, it was like the stand-up comedy boom

[18:52] and the bikini business boom

[18:54] when there were just bikini businesses springing up all over the country.

[18:56] Bikini car washes, bikini bistros,

[18:58] bikini hotels, bikini airlines.

[19:00] And there was also that boom

[19:02] in evil land developers.

[19:04] Around the same time.

[19:06] Yeah, who were always trying to shut mom and pop

[19:08] organizations down.

[19:10] Or community centers. For some reason the economy

[19:12] at that point just favored bikinis

[19:14] and evil land developers.

[19:16] I don't know what it is.

[19:18] I'm an adult.

[19:20] But still if one of those bikini movies

[19:22] comes on, I'll look around

[19:24] and actually kind of feel like I'm doing

[19:26] something wrong. Like my parents

[19:28] might walk in and catch me. And I've seen

[19:30] actual pornography.

[19:32] And you don't care

[19:34] if your parents walk in and see you watching that.

[19:36] No, because most of it's

[19:38] pornography featuring dead bodies and stuff.

[19:40] So it's not like it's real pornography.

[19:42] Even as a grown adult,

[19:44] I also prefer...

[19:46] That's a crazy thing to say.

[19:48] I prefer

[19:50] the silly

[19:52] T&A comedies to other

[19:54] forms of bad

[19:56] soft core.

[19:58] There's a lightness to it.

[20:00] as someone who grew up

[20:01] you know staying up secretly to watch whatever uh... it you know it

[20:06] pornography so yeah whatever

[20:08] it wasn't charlie rose that i think you have to see it

[20:12] as someone who stayed up to see that live at the apollo that uh... that it's

[20:15] that it is a bit of it but so many of the like soft core erotic thrillers

[20:20] are about the guy out there who's killing strippers yeah and that's not so

[20:23] and it's fine that's like unsexy on two levels number one like you know strippers

[20:28] it's fine like it's good i'm still seeing someone who's naked but

[20:33] it's like the least sexy version of of that because you're like okay well i'm

[20:37] watching a movie about someone who's job is to take their clothes off it's not

[20:41] like i'm seeing characters

[20:43] who i wouldn't normally see naked like it's like okay characters who

[20:47] this is a job to be naked and then they get killed like that doesn't add any i

[20:51] don't think you would be turned on by a movie about naked cave women

[20:56] right because that's kind of their job to be naked

[20:59] i mean they don't really have a job like they don't like take a briefcase and go somewhere

[21:04] there's a difference between unhappily being paid to take your clothes off and

[21:08] not yet having knowledge of clothes i'm saying

[21:12] yeah i'm saying that like you would

[21:17] who would he be on night court the bailiff not the bailiff

[21:19] yeah he's not mack

[21:20] yeah yeah mack that's who he'd be wait would i get to be no you'd be harry and i'd be

[21:24] john larrakat

[21:25] yeah of course

[21:26] in fielding sure that sounds awesome

[21:27] yeah

[21:28] i'd be okay being mack

[21:29] can we go do that

[21:30] yes

[21:31] yeah i'll start up the holodeck we could have our night court adventure can we do that

[21:40] what does that even mean

[21:41] is that dude with the tommy gun gonna show up and just say

[21:44] it's a holodeck yeah a tommy gun or you know sherlock holmes or something

[21:50] no not yet yeah

[21:51] can we do that

[21:52] by the way do not start up the holodeck because moriarty is going to figure out some way of

[22:00] getting you off the holodeck

[22:01] oh becoming real

[22:02] and ruining everything

[22:03] oh man

[22:04] can we do that what does it mean i don't know what you're asking

[22:07] stuart wants someone to build us a night court set and we would get some old night court

[22:15] scripts i think and we would just live inside night court

[22:18] sounds good forever that was good oh man i needed that one

[22:24] so to some of my court this one's for you some of our new tag line is kind of like night court

[22:31] wish it was night court yeah anyway um wait do you do magic

[22:39] i don't but i could learn it if it meant i could be judge harry

[22:41] yeah yeah i just it's too bad

[22:46] past we could get him on the flop house he'd just like night court oh yeah because he was

[22:51] often on night court he guessed it a few times anyway this one's called uh this letter is called

[22:57] i bet we could get yakov smirnoff we probably could get uh what's your face uh marky post

[23:05] you know if we had a we got a grand together if we scraped a grand together we could probably get

[23:10] marky post yeah but i want to pay for cinderella to play at my uh my 30th birthday so that's where

[23:17] my grand's going okay he's a house cat was your reaction to the fact that uh all the angels could

[23:25] get easily mowed down by machine guns in the legion uh trailer and indeed the legion film

[23:30] they are the weakest most unintimidating angels and it mainly one of us would interview the other

[23:37] about how to kill angels these angels are so weak i mean they got to be really smart or something

[23:42] right no they're actually dumber than normal people okay are they really tall are they like

[23:46] superhumanly tall average height is about five three do they have claws on their hands no regular

[23:51] fingers they're actually missing some fingers okay can they like breathe fire or shoot lasers

[23:56] out of their eyes they have asthma and poor eyesight and so on and so forth like yeah but

[24:01] you could probably stop them you need like a magic bullet or something right no no no regular bullets

[24:05] that does the job regular bullets actually cause more damage to them than if they were actual

[24:10] humans but they're super strong right no no the gravity of earth is much higher than in heaven so

[24:16] they're weaker than i don't know a 14 year old child oh okay i get but like they can jump really

[24:21] high no once again they they gave up their wings and they've never had to use their legs so they're

[24:27] not very good at jumping i mean and this was the joke having not seen the film but having seen the

[24:33] film it's pretty accurate so accurate it's like an army of angels is going to attack us they're

[24:38] just gonna but they're basically zombies so we'll just mow them down as they bump into things wave

[24:43] after wave of angels from heaven being killed by god it's not just that they're that they're

[24:48] zombies because zombies would continue to go toward the heroes but most of them stand at the

[24:53] edge of vision to be shot at and make pretty good targets and the zombie would have to at least hit

[24:58] their brain whereas with these guys you can be a glancing blow maybe they just heard a gun go off

[25:05] oh and by the way these angels somehow cannot breach the perimeter of a diner

[25:10] of a desert diner they can't come in through the um the back door the doors that no they put they

[25:16] put a table in front of that door that's a sturdy table oh yeah it's a diner level table that's old

[25:22] time crap and windows that aren't boarded up or covered yeah i mean they're made out of glass

[25:26] with the blinds drawn it was through the porthole of time not the portal of time the porthole of

[25:38] time we're in the time vote there are crews the cruise that goes around the caribbean and through

[25:46] time well not only to go out through the porthole all right on the boat uh the captain asked me to

[25:53] give you a quick word of advice about your cabin you are the one cabin that has the porthole of

[25:57] time please don't go through it because you'll end up in time okay that's just that's all otherwise

[26:03] enjoy it we've got the spa on deck two shuffle you know what here's two here's two free spot

[26:09] coupons just don't open the porthole time please i cannot emphasize this enough do not go through

[26:14] the porthole of time let me just tell you that again i don't know why you'd go through a porthole

[26:18] at all there's so much to do on the ship i don't know why you try to leave it but just this

[26:24] particular phase on the ship midnight buffet every night and you don't have to stay up late because

[26:30] it starts at 11 if you do happen to fall out with the kids to bed all of time do not step on a

[26:35] butterfly please do not drop any shuffleboard equipment in the uh that might crush a butterfly

[26:41] change the history um let me just tell you this your buffets don't mess with the portholes in

[26:47] general time or not you know i'll make an announcement to the whole ship just stay away

[26:51] from the portholes don't open them don't worry about it listen we've got a whole mall on the

[26:58] ship there's a pool why are you why are you investigating the windows again with the portholes

[27:03] don't you're worried about the breeze it's air conditioned just turn up the thermostat or down

[27:08] in the cabin yeah anyway so see you tonight at the uh karaoke dinner

[27:18] if you have any questions i am again the purser

[27:23] uh the bosun uh recommend the veal uh

[27:27] you'll find him in the soul

[27:32] on the poop deck and don't go up in the crow's nest stay out of the rigging

[27:42] if you need to uh go ashore the coxswain

[27:47] we're on a boat you don't have a lot of time you tend to shorten words

[27:52] so we were even the poor all the time we call it the poor time just so if you could just stay

[27:57] away from the poor time that would be wonderful well that note no soap i'll i'll talk we'll get

[28:04] there should be soap in the bathroom if there's not i'll get it for you now towel no towels are

[28:09] in the closet right here you'll okay great the soap i don't know why that is i'll check it well

[28:13] people tend to stay out of this cabin we try not to book it because again the poor whole of time

[28:18] so uh maybe they just didn't refill the bathroom last time because there's no one

[28:21] staying in this cabin on the ship then i'll get it for you well now that thank you oh very generous

[28:28] sir thank you that's i mean again not necessary but very much appreciated now that the theater

[28:34] is over that was a tip at the end i understand um we're gonna go back in and do the uh that's

[28:39] my one-man show poor whole of time we're gonna do the sound effect go back in and put the sound

[28:43] effects in afterwards

[28:50] you can you can just go back and edit

[28:55] it'll be great layer it okay layers put layers stereo multi-track i'll split up one on the on

[29:03] the on the left channel on the right channel that'd be great so it's like it's going through

[29:06] your head and then i'll switch him it's how humans hear things

[29:13] he's the house cat hey everyone and welcome to the flop house i'm dan mccoy

[29:18] wait what was your name i'm dan mccoy oh and i'm steward wellington i'm elliot caylan

[29:22] stewart's uh growling like a cat yeah for some reason i thought you were gonna like

[29:28] that sound effect that's why i did it what i like about it is it doesn't it doesn't even

[29:33] sound like a big cat sounds like a house cat it's not like you're a lion or a panther or something

[29:39] yeah well that's the why it's the flop house it's the house cat so anytime uh the listeners at home

[29:45] here they know uh that's a uh flop house trademark moment that's our new mascot the flop house house

[29:52] kit yeah the house cat so when will you drop in that kind of sound effect though you know what

[29:56] situation would you know when elliot

[30:00] one of his uh... trademark uh... singers it was it's like a it's like a

[30:04] knowledge-based singer that all day and and and as one of his like

[30:08] all home

[30:10] all home

[30:11] that's only like one of his like

[30:12] all gosh darn

[30:14] share

[30:15] uh... the misery of life

[30:17] yet when i would and then i would go

[30:20] okay

[30:22] and then uh... what has listeners if you want to visualize what

[30:25] stewart the flop house has that looks like

[30:28] go for it

[30:31] let's move on to the news

[30:33] uh... recommendations

[30:35] movies that you uh... may have seen recently

[30:38] but not if you have any movies we haven't seen

[30:41] yes

[30:41] uh... which is i'd like to recommend it's called rocket crocodile in the

[30:45] world of tomorrow it's a movie that doesn't exist and i'm making it up as i

[30:48] go along

[30:49] it involves a crocodile astronaut

[30:51] he accidentally falls through a time machine warp

[30:54] and becomes a rock star in the world of the future which also has dinosaurs

[30:59] i don't know i'm gonna link to that on the website so yeah usually i like and

[31:03] you know there's not a student like everything okay

[31:07] so at like any junior shot of the area you're right

[31:11] uh... also carl gugino's newton everything

[31:14] like half of the world

[31:16] uh... like a crocodile is fully cloaked so they're speaking rules are they just

[31:20] make it in the background

[31:21] i mean there's a little bit of that

[31:22] there's a little bit of speaking

[31:25] yeah just to make it not exploitative

[31:27] and to set up the new movie like oh man it's so hot in here i'm gonna take a shower

[31:31] now but i'll just stand around first

[31:33] or who put all these ants in my clothing

[31:35] yeah yeah

[31:39] i would love to see that so rocket crocodile i haven't seen it yet but

[31:43] keep your eyes peeled at the cinemaplex i'm giving it five out of five amazings

[31:47] so go to netflix there's a lot of scenes

[31:50] go to put safe in so that it goes in your queue

[31:54] whatever movie comes up on the autofilm that's closest to that

[31:59] that's closest to rocket crocodile and the world of tomorrow

[32:03] probably is doll man soundtracked by talking heads they got back together to do the soundtrack

[32:07] wow

[32:09] and danzig you got them together glenn danzig and david byrne finally working together

[32:13] i'm well i'm amazed that rocket crocodile

[32:16] uh... solve the bern weymouth rift that is kept uh... talking heads from really

[32:20] really well it's the world of tomorrow

[32:23] all right well that's your that's your recommendation he has to he has to stop

[32:27] the clothing bandit who's stealing clothing from all the beautiful women in

[32:30] the world

[32:30] i think i've seen this movie

[32:32] in my dreams

[32:35] you're thinking of the devil wears nada

[32:37] uh... which you should also watch instead of devil i thought i was thinking of the

[32:41] invisible maniac again

[32:45] you have like three movies that you recommend in rotation

[32:48] i don't know if i've mentioned this before but he kills a guy with a submarine sandwich

[32:52] you mentioned it many times

[32:54] he's a house cat i don't think i've ever recommended this before but i'm going to

[32:57] recommend it

[32:58] i'm going to recommend it and if i've already recommended it

[33:01] you should watch it again

[33:02] uh... it's a movie called head of the family

[33:05] uh... i don't know how you would be able to find this movie because i don't

[33:09] believe it's on uh... dvd

[33:11] which i think stands for digital video disc

[33:13] or versatile

[33:15] yeah that uh... you might be able to find it on vhs uh...

[33:19] it's basically a movie about a uh... a small town shyster

[33:24] and his uh... and his kind of slutty girlfriend who try and pull a fast one

[33:30] on a local family that live kind of an exclusion

[33:34] they're known for being uh... quite wealthy

[33:37] and it's like you're telling it

[33:39] it's like this is a library story time

[33:42] they're a family of oddities i believe they might have some kind of

[33:46] ties to mad science perhaps

[33:49] uh... and the family consists of

[33:53] uh... three brothers and a sister

[33:55] and each of them has their own special powers

[33:59] you have one brother who can see and hear really well

[34:02] you have one brother who's incredibly strong but he's very stupid

[34:07] you have a sister who's incredibly beautiful but she's not very bright

[34:12] and then finally those two are kind of like each other yeah well they're similar

[34:16] uh... i mean they are

[34:17] related for god's sakes and then they're all

[34:20] they're all held together by

[34:22] the head of the family

[34:23] who is this giant head with a tiny little body

[34:27] who uh... is super smart because he's a giant head

[34:30] and he can control uh... his brothers and his siblings telepathically

[34:35] so this small town shyster tries to pull a fast one on them and of course

[34:39] gets burned in the process uh...

[34:42] i don't know if i should classify it as like a horror movie or a thriller

[34:47] it's just very strange. Is it a thrilomedy?

[34:49] yeah kind of

[34:50] part of why you should watch it is there is a fair amount of nudity

[34:53] uh...

[34:54] Jacqueline Lavelle from the Femalien series is in it

[34:58] and uh...

[34:59] she's just very good at acting even when completely naked and tied to a stake

[35:03] that's on fire

[35:05] i can't say that

[35:06] the special skills on her head shot

[35:07] yeah i can't say that about a lot of actresses

[35:13] hey can i throw something else in there? Sure. I want to recommend the invisible maniac

[35:18] about a high school teacher who turns himself invisible just to uh...

[35:22] you know

[35:23] spy on and potentially rape women

[35:25] and uh... at one point. A better version of the hollow man

[35:28] and then at one point

[35:29] he chokes a student to death with a submarine sandwich

[35:34] pretty good. It's a good movie.

[35:35] all right he does that but does it have a talking monkey in it?

[35:38] because Newky does

[35:40] uh... the invisible maniac jumps on somebody's head and smushes it

[35:46] smushes it? yeah the person's head smushes like it splatters

[35:50] apparently when you become invisible you also become ridiculously dense

[35:55] interesting

[35:56] and then when you become visible again uh... if you die you become

[36:00] visible again in the mythos of the invisible maniac

[36:04] oh well that happens in the regular of the invisible man. oh yeah you're right

[36:11] uh... what was I going to recommend Elliot?

[36:14] the invisible maniac

[36:16] i recommend another horror movie that's totally terrifying

[36:21] uh... about a high school science teacher

[36:24] to see naked ladies

[36:25] a high school science teacher who somehow manages to make

[36:29] himself invisible

[36:31] and then he goes about killing a whole bunch of high school students including

[36:35] a couple of topless chicks. yes Dan. a couple?

[36:39] and in the process he... he's mainly using his invisible powers to see naked teenage girls

[36:44] in the process he does some scary things like he chokes somebody to death with a

[36:48] submarine sandwich

[36:50] and another guy he... it sounds frightening

[36:52] another guy he knocks over and then jumps on their head which explodes like a

[36:56] pumpkin

[36:57] so totally terrifying

[37:00] directed by the same guy who directed The Hazing

[37:02] really? yeah, Rolf Kaminski

[37:03] man, that guy nothing but hits. oh, Rolf the dog?

[37:06] yeah. yes, exactly. Rolf the uh... the uh... the muppet. yeah. hey guys let's do that take again

[37:12] I believe his uh... his ancestor was Rolf gang I'm-a-dog-us

[37:19] it is a storied lineage

[37:26] okay guys I uh... I'm all prepped

[37:29] so... so go ahead. okay uh... let me guess, let me guess, is it about a maniac that's invisible?

[37:34] it's a movie called The Invisible Maniac

[37:38] isn't that the only movie you watch?

[37:41] yeah, I watched it the other day

[37:43] that's not true, I don't own it anymore

[37:45] uh... more. I don't have a VHS player. the court forcibly removed it from him

[37:50] for his own good

[37:52] so it's called The Invisible Maniac

[37:54] guy goes invisible, kills a bunch of people

[37:57] kills a person with a submarine sandwich

[38:00] stomps on a guy's head and it explodes. does anyone rip off his own ding dong in this?

[38:04] or is that just a Castlevania thing? you're ignoring the uh... he said be quick about recommendations

[38:09] I don't know why he's letting me down

[38:11] I mean there's a lot of murder but you're also ignoring the fact that The Invisible Maniac

[38:14] mainly becomes invisible to spy on naked women

[38:17] of course that's the part that Dan would latch onto. yeah, but that's primarily the thing about the movie

[38:23] well I mean I like the submarine sandwich murder

[38:26] okay

[38:27] it's a real slice of life caper

[38:31] so there you go, unless Stuart wants to come up with a non-invisible

[38:35] with a real recommendation

[38:36] uh... that's what I want to recommend this week

[38:40] I figure if I repeat some of my recommendations people are going to check them out and be excited

[38:43] sure

[38:45] I mean certainly they'll be looking forward to that submarine sandwich scene

[38:49] I mean I just, I like helping people out

[38:51] that's kind of what I do

[38:54] you're a real public servant, yeah, in the cause of Castlefreak and Invisible Maniac

[38:59] well it makes people happy, you know

[39:00] alright guys, well uh...

[39:03] where there's a ding dong being ripped off, I'll be there

[39:06] where there's a submarine sandwich killing a guy, I'll be there

[39:09] well the sandwich doesn't kill the guy, the guy, it's a weapon

[39:13] you don't blame the gun for shooting somebody

[39:19] normally at this point in the podcast I recommend Invisible Maniac or Castlefreak

[39:24] and this will be no exception

[39:28] and I was thinking back to another movie that I've recommended multiple times

[39:31] Head of the Family

[39:34] I'm starting to think you've only seen three movies

[39:38] but I want to recommend

[39:39] this isn't an actual genuine recommendation but

[39:42] when I think of Head of the Family I think of the time that I first saw it

[39:46] and at the same weekend I also watched Motel Hell

[39:52] which was not great, with Rory Calhoun, but there were some okay bits

[39:56] I did like the bit where the people were buried up their necks

[40:00] One of them was John Ratzenberger from TV's Cheers.

[40:05] Yeah, so if you want to relive the experience Stuart had when he was in high school,

[40:10] where the first weekend he saw Head of the Family, he watched that,

[40:14] and I think the original Night of the Living Dead? No, no, no, Return of the Living Dead,

[40:19] and Motel Hell, and a back-to-back three show. That's what they call it.

[40:24] Three piece.

[40:25] A three show.

[40:26] So you should do that. That's my recommendation. Watch those three movies,

[40:30] so you can relive the Stuart Wellington high school experience.

[40:36] I'm going to take the ball on this one, dude.

[40:38] Okay, ball's in your court. Run with it. Run with it. Drive down the court.

[40:41] I think you guys all know that I like movies.

[40:43] Dominate the paint, yeah.

[40:44] So, let me describe a movie to you, and you tell me if it sounds awesome.

[40:50] Okay, this better not be one of the three movies you've described many times.

[40:55] And this teacher turns himself invisible, and it drives him crazy.

[41:00] He kills a guy with a submarine sandwich, he jumps on a guy's head and smashes it.

[41:05] What did you call this guy a maniac?

[41:08] What, some kind of non-visible maniac?

[41:11] It's actually called the invisible maniac.

[41:13] It's called the unseeable crazy guy?

[41:16] I don't think that encapsulates what the movie's about, because he's also a teacher.

[41:21] So if you just said crazy guy, like, maniac makes him sound more like a teacher.

[41:25] No, it doesn't.

[41:26] And then he shoots this other invisible guy with a shotgun at the end.

[41:29] Makes him sound like a mansion.

[41:30] Wait, what?

[41:31] Spoiler alert.

[41:32] Oh, come on.

[41:33] You know you're going to see another invisible guy get killed when you go see the invisible maniac.

[41:37] So, invisible maniac.

[41:39] So, that's your recommendation.

[41:41] Or I don't know, go fucking watch Circuitry Man or some shit, I don't know.

[41:45] Or Vernon Wells.

[41:48] So your recommendation is invisible maniac, one of your old standbys, or Circuitry Man or some shit.

[41:54] These are random movies coming out of Stewart.

[41:57] I'll recommend.

[41:59] You know what?

[42:01] I was struggling.

[42:02] I feel like Stewart just looks through the TV guide beforehand and goes, I'll just say invisible maniac and then a bunch of these.

[42:09] Okay, I'll recommend a movie I saw a long time ago that's really good called Castle Freak, directed by Stewart Gordon.

[42:19] It's really awesome because this family moves into an Italian castle that they happen to inherit.

[42:27] And little do they know that there's this crazy misshapen freak, a castle freak, living in the basement.

[42:34] Who flips out, kills a bunch of people.

[42:36] I think he bites a prostitute's boob off.

[42:39] And then I think he even rips off his own ding dong in a rage.

[42:42] Totally awesome movie.

[42:44] Sounds like an X-rated end of Rumpelstiltskin.

[42:48] Very similar, yeah.

[42:50] So that's released by Kino, I assume?

[42:52] Yes, it's, nope, Full Moon Pictures.

[42:56] Oh, okay.

[42:57] Close.

[42:58] Very close.

[43:00] So I got two recommendations tonight, guys.

[43:03] The first one is a movie called Castle Freak.

[43:07] Let me guess the other one. Does it have an invisible maniac in it?

[43:11] No, first off, Castle Freak, go watch it.

[43:15] How many times have you recommended Castle Freak?

[43:18] It's got a castle freak in it.

[43:20] Well, it's about a family who inherits a castle.

[43:24] Well, it's about a family who inherits a castle.

[43:28] Guess what that castle has inside it, Dan?

[43:31] A freak?

[43:33] Yes.

[43:34] How'd you guess?

[43:35] It's in the title, I know.

[43:36] It's great, a dude rips off his own ding dong.

[43:38] It's awesome.

[43:42] The second movie I like is...

[43:47] It's what Stuart looks for in a movie.

[43:49] Stuart somehow manages to find something new to say about Castle Freak over and over again.

[43:56] Oh, man.

[43:57] So the second movie I'd like to recommend is a movie called Killer Clowns from Outer Space.

[44:02] What? No!

[44:04] All right.

[44:05] It is a...

[44:06] I can't veto your recommendations, I guess.

[44:08] It is a movie where these aliens who look like clowns come and murder people.

[44:14] The Chiodo Brothers.

[44:15] Yep, Chiodo Brothers.

[44:16] Does anyone rip their ding dong off?

[44:19] Nobody rips off any ding dongs.

[44:21] But there are killer clowns in it.

[44:23] And they spell clowns with a K.

[44:25] Yeah, it's like Mortal Kombat.

[44:30] I'm going to recommend the movie Gun Crazy to balance out those two recommendations,

[44:34] which is a very good crime movie from the 40s.

[44:37] Yeah, that is a very good movie.

[44:39] It's really good about a doomed relationship.

[44:41] Bonnie and Clyde owes a lot to it.

[44:43] There are no killer clowns and no one's ding dong is ripped off.

[44:47] But Gun Crazy is one I'll recommend.

[44:49] All right.

[44:50] And Castle Freak.

[44:52] Hi, guys.

[44:53] I feel like we have to do a Flophouse about Castle Freaks on one of these days.

[44:56] Well, I would love to give it another view.

[45:01] I think we should sign off so we can turn the air conditioner back on.

[45:04] If you freak one castle this summer...

[45:07] Castle Freak 3D, starring Keanu Reeves and Jeffrey Combs.

[45:12] What?

[45:14] Which is the castle, which is the freak.

[45:16] It'll be awesome.

[45:21] We should speedily give our recommendations for movies that we actually like

[45:27] and think people should go out and watch.

[45:29] Go watch them now.

[45:30] Okay, I'm going to start.

[45:31] I'm going to recommend a little movie called Castle Freak.

[45:34] No, no.

[45:35] How would I know?

[45:36] You sighed.

[45:37] It's a great movie.

[45:38] Does it have a scene where a guy gets ripped off?

[45:40] Well, he's a freak.

[45:43] It's cool.

[45:44] He just rips it right off.

[45:46] It was there for a second, then all of a sudden it's gone.

[45:48] Ripped off.

[45:49] Okay, Dan, your turn.

[45:51] I think that brings it up to 99 Castle Freak recommendations.

[45:54] At 100, you get a free Castle Freak.

[45:56] I watched the movie.

[45:59] I can rip off his Ding Dong, too.

[46:05] I'm going to recommend a little movie called Castle Freak.

[46:08] Castle Freak.

[46:11] Directed by Stuart Gordon.

[46:13] You know what, Stuart?

[46:14] When I said same movie, I was wrong.

[46:18] I just want to say that Castle Freak, after its Blu-ray release,

[46:21] has gotten much more attention,

[46:23] and also possibly the street-level support from yours truly.

[46:29] Castle Freak has started to get a little more attention,

[46:31] but I recommend that you guys either go buy the Blu-ray

[46:35] or write your congressman

[46:37] to maybe make full-moon streaming available to everybody.

[46:42] To reclaim a national Castle Freak day.

[46:46] I like that.

[46:47] I think it's on the Wikipedia entry for Castle Freak.

[46:49] It says, see also, head of the family, Invisilmaniac.

[46:52] Movies that are not related to it at all, except through Stuart.

[46:56] Quality, sometimes.

[46:57] They're related because they're both Oscar winners, I'm assuming?

[47:01] No.

[47:03] So, Stuart, what movie would you really recommend?

[47:05] I was going to recommend Castle Freak.

[47:07] Oh, okay.

[47:08] What are you going to recommend?

[47:12] So do you want to go first or should I go first?

[47:14] I can't think of anything to recommend.

[47:16] You? Mr. Recommendation?

[47:18] Mr. Hollywood?

[47:19] Mr. I'm-going-to-recommend-Castle-Freak-for-the-eighth-time?

[47:22] Yeah, actually, well, I'm at it.

[47:24] Mr. Head-of-the-family?

[47:26] Mr. Invisilmaniac?

[47:29] Hey, folks out there in La La Land.

[47:33] Why don't you go to your local video store.

[47:35] Go to your local video store.

[47:38] No Netflix allowed.

[47:39] Go to the, yeah, fuck that.

[47:42] Go to the horror-slash-comedy department.

[47:46] It's not even a section, but a department.

[47:50] We had to hire another assistant manager just to cover the horror comedies.

[47:55] Just to cover the frighteners.

[47:57] Go down to Aisle H and pick up Head-of-the-Family.

[48:03] Where it intersects Row C.

[48:05] Head-of-the-Family is a great movie about abuse.

[48:07] You recommended this before.

[48:09] Yeah, I thought that was the thing.

[48:12] I was recommending something I already recommended.

[48:14] It's right next to Castle Freak.

[48:16] Not if it's Row H.

[48:22] This is a video store which has a whole...

[48:24] Is this my recommendation?

[48:26] It has a whole department for horror comedies.

[48:28] But none that start with titles with the letters D, E, F, or G.

[48:35] What store is this?

[48:37] This is that video store down over there.

[48:40] He's dismantled your logic.

[48:42] So you snatch up that Head-of-the-Family.

[48:44] You go upstairs to the rental test.

[48:48] You have a whole floor.

[48:50] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[48:51] You wait in line behind the lady who's running Bicentennial Man.

[48:55] When she's done, when she's gone.

[48:57] And you pay your $1.50 to take the VHS cassette of Head-of-the-Family home.

[49:03] So you can pop it into your player and have a nice night.

[49:06] Maybe pop some Redenbacher's, some Jiffy Pop.

[49:09] Both of those.

[49:10] Both at the same time.

[49:11] And do a taste comparison.

[49:13] Make a night of it.

[49:14] Watch a movie, do a popcorn taste test.

[49:17] There's going to be someone somewhere out there who's listening to this on their iPod.

[49:22] And they're doing exactly what you're saying.

[49:24] Which is so ridiculously specific.

[49:26] It's going to seem like you're talking to them and them alone.

[49:29] That's the beauty of this.

[49:31] That's how podcasts work.

[49:32] Yeah.

[49:33] Sensual.

[49:40] Can I get your attention, please?

[49:42] This is the captain speaking.

[49:43] Can somebody tell that house cat to stop partying?

[49:55] Uh-oh.

[49:57] The ancient prophecy speaks of a mighty house cat.

[50:00] Rising from a blood-red sea.

[50:03] Some say he was born in a puddle of toxic waste.

[50:07] Some say he's the son of the devil himself.

[50:10] He hangs out with the flophouse guys.

[50:13] He's the house cat.

[50:14] Meow!

[50:15] Did you, did you, did you know about the house cat?

[50:19] Meow!

[50:20] That house cat is a badass.

[50:23] Meow!

[50:25] No nerds allowed, not when the house cat's in town.

[50:28] Meow!

[50:29] Did you know about the house cat?

[50:32] Meow!

[50:33] Excuse me, doctor, but the diagnosis for that house cat is radical.

[50:42] Well, of course he's ten feet tall.

[50:44] He's covered in silky white black fur.

[50:47] He only wears his baseball cap on backwards.

[50:49] He's incredibly wealthy.

[50:51] Sunglasses? A necessity.

[50:53] Sometimes he wears overalls.

[50:55] He doesn't smoke cigarettes because they're bad for your health.

[50:58] His favorite instrument? The guitar.

[51:00] Favorite food? Pizza.

[51:03] Favorite movie? Road to Perdition.

[51:05] Favorite book? Tuck Everlasting.

[51:08] House cat.

[51:09] Meow!

[51:13] Meow!

[51:14] That house cat does not play by the rules.

[51:18] Meow!

[51:19] It's been four days since we went out into the bush and that flophouse cat has gone completely feral.

[51:26] Uh-oh!

[51:27] He's wearing his overalls.

[51:29] Picking up babes.

[51:31] Eating some food.

[51:33] Drinking some brews.

[51:36] Knocking over nerds.

[51:38] Breaking the rules.

[51:40] Ruining weddings and breaking up rules.

[51:46] No way! Two babes at once?

[51:50] So, I've been with too many human zeroes.

[51:54] Meow!

[51:56] Time to get with the house cat hero.

[51:59] House cat!

[52:00] Meow!

[52:01] No, no, no, no, no.

[52:02] Leave the sunglasses on.

[52:04] Meow!

[52:05] We sure hope you haven't been declawed.

[52:07] F-F-Funky house cat!

[52:09] Meow!

[52:13] Meow!

[52:14] Who gave that cat those clothes?

[52:18] Meow!

[52:19] Mr. President, have you ever heard of a house cat?

[52:22] Meow!

[52:23] He's so powerful.

[52:26] Uh-oh!

[52:27] I don't know what's going on here, officer.

[52:29] That house cat should be in class,

[52:31] but instead he stole my girlfriend.

[52:34] House cat!

[52:36] Meow!

[52:40] Meow!

[52:41] Where'd he come from?

[52:43] That's the thing nobody knows.

[52:45] Meow!

[52:46] You're gonna have to hand in your badge and gun

[52:49] unless you can turn in this house cat

[52:51] that's been terrorizing the town.

[52:53] Uh-oh!

[52:54] And the award for baddest dude goes to...

[52:57] Ha!

[52:58] The house cat, of course!

[53:18] Meow!

The Flop House EXTRA: Best of the First 75 Episodes

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