Ep. #185 - Grace of Monaco

[0:00] Tonight we watched Grace of Monaco starring Nicole Kidman the man with the power of a small goat

[0:30] Hey everyone and welcome to the flop house I'm Dan McCoy. Hey guys I am Stuart

[0:44] Wellington. Welcome to the spider to the fly. In this case the fly is you the

[0:51] listener and the spider myself Elliot Kalin. Thanks for punctuating my sinister

[0:58] entrance with a beer can. I thought it would sound like a creepy door creak. No

[1:03] Stuart has something called sound deafness. I've never heard of a beer can opening. Get out of here the Elliot is coming from inside your ears.

[1:15] Ah there's an Elliot in your brain and he is sorry. Did you just finish a beer within

[1:25] milliseconds of opening it? I think you are being hyperbolic because that's not

[1:30] milliseconds they were full seconds. All the fizz and cold is gonna be gone from

[1:34] that by the time you get around to that second beer. Not if I'm drinking it right Dan. As he

[1:38] pours two cans into his mouth at the same time. Glug glug glug. Glug indeed Dan.

[1:43] Let's get this show on the road. The first thing I want to say in the last

[1:49] episode I made a lot of errors about where different bands were from and where

[1:52] different movies were set and I have something I wanted to make out of it. But they all you both of them were Scotland

[1:59] Australia. I was consistently mixing up Australia and Scotland which pains me because I love

[2:05] Scotland dearly. I've been there a number of times. In Australia I could take or I could leave. I don't know much about it except that they have crazy

[2:12] animals that nobody else has that have pouches for I guess storing their pens

[2:16] and their loose change. And they have all of the most poisonous things in the

[2:20] world. That's what makes me scared to visit Australia. I'm like all of the most poisonous animals are just centered on this one man.

[2:27] And they can vote. Elliot are you being serious? Yahoo serious. You got me. Famous Scotsman Yahoo serious. Oh no I did it again. So here's the thing. I want to apologize and admit something. I never learned to read. Oh really? Maps. I don't know what a legend or a key is. Longitude? Flatitude?

[2:47] You've heard of the legend of Curly's gold though. Yeah yeah of course. I was thinking about this the other day. It turns out the real gold was Curly's children. Yeah Dan. What is the legend of Curly's gold? That Curly had some gold. I know. That's it. That's not really a legend. It's not like. It would be a legend if it wasn't true. Curly had gold they say. That had the power to move mountains and stop the tides. I mean like that would be a legend of Curly's gold.

[3:15] I thought that was the legend of Uly's gold. Starring Peter Fonda. Just the idea that Curly had some gold is more of a rumor. There's a rumor of Curly's gold. It's a legend that there's a lot of gold out there. I mean in the city slickers verse. Curly's gold is this legend that everybody talks about. In the slick-a-verse. Everyone was aware of it. That's why it was big front page news when Billy Crystal's character Tom Crystal discovered Curly's gold.

[3:44] It's like Hitler's secret gold. In the slick-a-verse it was Curly's gold because Curly was the Hitler of that universe who having lost World War II instead of killing himself in a bunker retired and became a wrestler at a dude ranch.

[3:58] Weirdly enough didn't change his name. No, kept it. Well that's what drew a lot of people to the ranch was this famous historical figure worked there.

[4:04] That adds context to the movie.

[4:06] Also the fact that he was a famous actor. Jack Palance kind of helped things too. In the slick-a-verse there's a number of scenes where you notice Billy Crystal's character Tom Crystal. He goes Jack I mean Curly because he's Jack Palance also.

[4:22] Alright well you've convinced me. So you got it. You figured it out.

[4:24] To put it in the Palance of our times I was LOLing and that's my review of City Slickers 2 The Legend of Curly's Gold.

[4:34] I love it to this movie. Part 2 of the City Slickers cinematic universe.

[4:40] So somebody could use that on the back of a VHS cassette tape box right?

[4:44] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[4:45] So go find a tape box for a VHS tape for The Legend of Curly's Gold and slap Elliot's quote on it.

[4:53] Just put a piece of masking tape on there and write on it Ken and Martha I LOL.

[4:58] This is our mission to you Flophouse Nation. Go out and do it.

[5:02] If every DVD and VHS box of City Slickers 2.

[5:06] I just said VHS box.

[5:07] Okay, just VHS. Maybe it was never released on DVD due to lack of interest.

[5:11] If every box of it in the nation doesn't have that legend, another, use the word legend, emblazoned on it by the end of what the year? Then we've failed as a podcast.

[5:21] By the way, I love the idea that it never made it to DVD, but it's like part of the Warner's archive where if you ask for it, they'll print up a special DVD for you.

[5:30] It's never happened.

[5:33] Is it like they're laboring under some kind of curse where if you ask for a movie, they have to give it to you?

[5:39] It's not a curse, it's a business model.

[5:41] It's called capitalism.

[5:43] That makes movies available that are not worth it to ask for.

[5:46] Oh, do you have to pay them for it?

[5:47] Yes, you pay them money.

[5:48] I figured out the name. It's Warner Brothers.

[5:52] You rub a lamp and Jack Warner comes out of it, and he's like, what do you want, kid? I want a DVD.

[5:58] You figured out my name.

[6:00] Little Jack Warner was sitting in a corner eating pudding and pie or some shit, and a dog came beside him.

[6:06] Pudding and pie kind of look like shit.

[6:08] Steak and pie, and then a spider came along and scared him off his tuffet.

[6:12] Am I remembering the story of the Warner Brothers correctly?

[6:14] And then there wasn't any food in the cupboard.

[6:16] And then they made Casa Blanca.

[6:18] So it's been heady times over here in Flophouse land.

[6:22] Big changes for Elliot over at your job.

[6:25] That's right, Matt. I don't have one.

[6:26] You don't have a job.

[6:28] I was wondering whether we were going to do this or not.

[6:30] Elliot came by with a stick and bundle.

[6:32] You said whether they were going to do this as if I planned something with Stewart.

[6:36] Stewart just started bringing it up, and I have no secrets from the Flopiverse except what I masturbate to because you would be horrified.

[6:42] It's a lot of Lovecraft porn.

[6:46] It's just called Lovecraft.

[6:48] It's the craft of love, and that involves a lot of indescribable tentacles.

[6:53] It's a website called Cthulhu Boobs.

[6:56] It's all erotic stories, but the women are indescribable.

[7:01] The sex that took place was indescribably hot.

[7:06] Indescribably sexy involving non-Euclidean sexual geometries.

[7:12] The Dunwich Whore.

[7:14] The Poon that came to Carnath or whatever.

[7:17] You don't really need to change that at the Mountains of Madness.

[7:20] No, and the call of Cthulhu Boobs.

[7:25] The wet dream quest of unknown Kadeth.

[7:27] Perfect.

[7:28] I guess we're not really going to explain what it is.

[7:30] So here's the thing.

[7:31] There was a shake-up at the Daily Show.

[7:33] There's a new host there.

[7:34] Shake it up.

[7:36] I was forcibly ousted by myself from the job of head writer,

[7:40] and I've decided to embark on—

[7:42] You burned yourself an effigy?

[7:43] Yeah.

[7:44] You're going to walk the earth.

[7:45] I'm going to walk the earth as a semi-employed writer for a little while,

[7:49] and then I'll get another job and work on other things.

[7:52] The time for daily topical comedy for me has come to a close.

[7:56] He's probably going to work at my bar as, I don't know, like a bartender or barback.

[8:00] Like in Barback Mountain.

[8:02] Or a barker. You'll see it out front.

[8:04] X-Tree, X-Tree, come on in.

[8:06] I don't know what to say.

[8:07] X-Tree, that's a news voice.

[8:08] That is a terrible audition.

[8:12] Come on in and have a drink on the house.

[8:14] Wait.

[8:15] Stuart Wellington.

[8:16] No.

[8:17] Our listeners do worry.

[8:18] They do fret.

[8:19] I just want to underline something that you said, that you did this by choice.

[8:22] Oh, entirely by choice.

[8:24] I don't want to say this too strongly because I feel like it might look—

[8:29] It's not complementary to my replacements as head writer

[8:34] and kind of general management writers,

[8:37] but it was not a decision that some of the people at the show

[8:44] were like crazy about that I was leaving.

[8:46] It was very much a case of them wanting me to stay,

[8:49] and I'm burnt out on the schedule of that show,

[8:53] and I've been there a long time,

[8:55] and I wanted to take a break from topical material.

[8:57] I mean, that's what it comes down to.

[8:59] Were they like, no, stay, please?

[9:01] You're not taking a break from topical ointments, though.

[9:03] I need them.

[9:04] You love them.

[9:05] I need them so bad.

[9:06] But it really came down to like I needed a break from news,

[9:10] and I was tired of seeing my son for an hour a day during the week.

[9:16] So the most—

[9:18] In that hour, you're usually like drilling him on his historical facts.

[9:22] Oh, yeah.

[9:23] It's his history cram school entirely.

[9:24] And Spider-Man.

[9:25] I'm 19 months old.

[9:26] Why can't you pronounce Kosciuszko properly?

[9:29] But yeah, Spider-Man stuff.

[9:31] Well, that's history, but American history.

[9:33] Tradition.

[9:34] X-Men.

[9:35] American history, X-Men, in which Ed Norton plays, I don't know,

[9:39] some kind of racist mutant.

[9:40] Which reminds me of Spider-Man and the X-Men,

[9:42] out in a trade paperback now.

[9:44] Thank you very much, Spider-Man and the X-Men,

[9:46] written by Elliot Kalin, out in the collected edition now.

[9:48] I have my copy.

[9:49] The entire series in one volume.

[9:50] Pick it up.

[9:51] You're going to love it and enjoy it.

[9:53] Please, I need the money.

[9:54] I'm out of work right now.

[9:55] So please go pick up Spider-Man and the X-Men.

[9:57] Why are we doing plugs at the beginning?

[9:58] I don't know.

[9:59] We haven't even explained this much.

[10:00] We haven't done anything that we normally do, and that shows how bored we were with

[10:06] this movie.

[10:07] We're rebooting.

[10:08] We're looping this.

[10:09] We're Groundhog Daying this.

[10:10] On this show, we watch a bad movie, and then we talk about it, and in this case, we watched

[10:27] a movie...

[10:28] Oh, what a stinker.

[10:29] That did not even make it to theaters in America.

[10:33] Abroad, it was not actually that big of a flop.

[10:36] It was a movie about abroad.

[10:38] Her name?

[10:39] Grace Kelly.

[10:40] Yeah.

[10:41] We watched Grace of Monaco, a movie that debuted at the Cannes Film Festival to thundering

[10:45] dislike.

[10:46] It dares to answer the question, does anyone give a shit about what happens to Monaco?

[10:52] And the answer was a resounding no.

[10:54] But this is a movie that debuted at Cannes and only aired on Lifetime, the Lifetime network

[11:01] in America.

[11:02] That's why they call it In the Cannes when you complete a film.

[11:04] It's pronounced Cannes.

[11:05] Now, by debuted in Cannes, do you mean that it was so bad it debuted in someone's butt?

[11:10] No.

[11:11] Yeah.

[11:12] Nor did it debut in the Oscar the Grouch Garbage Can.

[11:15] Hey, what if I called you and prank called you and said, hey, do you have Grace of Monaco

[11:18] in the Cannes Film Festival?

[11:21] But of course, we'll let it out.

[11:25] It needs to be seen.

[11:26] I do not understand this joke.

[11:28] Goodbye.

[11:29] Hang up.

[11:30] But then come back, Americans.

[11:31] Who was on the phone?

[11:32] I do not know.

[11:33] He was talking about Grace.

[11:34] Grace, who?

[11:35] Of Monaco.

[11:36] Oh, that was our, I guess, theatrical performance.

[11:37] Yeah.

[11:38] Which Frenchman were you?

[11:39] Were you famous?

[11:40] Frenchman?

[11:41] Yeah.

[11:42] I was Frenchman.

[11:43] Yeah.

[11:44] Yeah.

[11:45] Yeah.

[11:46] Yeah.

[11:47] Yeah.

[11:48] Yeah.

[11:50] Yeah.

[11:51] I was Maurice Chabot.

[11:52] And who were you, Stuart?

[11:54] I was the Pink Panther.

[11:57] The Pink Panther one is a diamond.

[12:00] Clouseau is not the Pink Panther.

[12:05] I was the French guy called the Pink Panther.

[12:08] Nobody's called that.

[12:10] I think you're wrong.

[12:11] All right.

[12:12] Much as-

[12:13] Peter Sellers played him, I think.

[12:14] As much as the Thin Man in the movie, the Thin Man movies, is not actually Nick Charles,

[12:19] the Pink Panther is not Peter Sellers.

[12:20] Boy, isn't he?

[12:21] He gains weight every movie.

[12:22] Lost out, huh?

[12:23] It's all the drinking.

[12:24] Anyway-

[12:25] Losing weight, Nick Charles.

[12:26] Dan, well, it's a fictional character that you've just fat-shamed, so congratulations

[12:30] to you.

[12:31] Your life is where you want it to be.

[12:33] Dan, so this movie, it premiered on Game America and the Lifetime Network.

[12:37] So we would consider it a TV movie, even though it's clearly a feature film.

[12:40] Let me tell you this.

[12:41] It's got Nicole Kidman in it.

[12:43] Every dollar of the budget is on screen.

[12:46] It's lush.

[12:47] It's lavish-looking.

[12:49] It was directed by the guy who made Lovie and Rose.

[12:51] It's got Tim Roth in it.

[12:53] Tim Roth is in it?

[12:54] The mark of highest, I guess, quality?

[12:59] I love Tim Roth, but he's made some bad decisions.

[13:02] I mean, he's a good investment in a movie.

[13:03] That's why they're called Roth IRAs.

[13:06] Paz Vega's in this, of Nurse 3-D.

[13:08] Latin for the vegan piece.

[13:11] Latin for, I can't believe she's not nude in this movie, because she always is.

[13:17] Robert Loja is not in this movie.

[13:20] I believe that Paz Vega shot her scenes nude, and then they digitally added clothes to her

[13:24] in post.

[13:25] That's where the budget went.

[13:26] But Frank Langella's in it as maybe the worst priest in the world, since he spends his time

[13:31] hanging around a palace, giving advice to a princess, rather than helping the poor or

[13:37] preaching to anybody.

[13:38] I don't think he mentions God once in the whole movie.

[13:42] Most of his lines feel like they were ADR work anyway.

[13:46] I think he agreed to do the movie only if he didn't actually have to walk around or...

[13:50] Well, he pulled a Frank Langella, which means he just speaks all of his lines in kind of

[13:55] a calm, even tone, and leaves it up to you to read emotion or drama into it.

[13:59] Yeah, well, Elliot reveals himself as...

[14:02] Elliot?

[14:03] Not a Frank Langella fan.

[14:05] I think Frank Langella is good when he's trying, but I've seen too many things where he's not

[14:09] trying and he has a natural gravitas, and he just coasts on that.

[14:14] Like a Morgan Freeman?

[14:15] Kind of, yeah.

[14:16] In a way.

[14:17] I hate to be a name-dropper, but I did see him in a play once where he played a hilariously

[14:21] over-the-top effeminate character, and he was very funny in it.

[14:26] When he's trying, he can be very good.

[14:27] I saw in that movie another star of the play, also in that play, Derek Jacoby, also in Grace

[14:32] of Monaco.

[14:33] Oh, sure.

[14:34] He's always great.

[14:35] He's a Peter Vance-type character who is a gay man who comes from nowhere, I assume he's

[14:38] gay.

[14:39] Comes from nowhere and teaches Grace how to be...

[14:40] He's definitely coated in gay, if not explicitly gay.

[14:43] He's coated in gay like chocolate?

[14:45] Yeah.

[14:46] He's coated in gay.

[14:48] That comes with a gay coating.

[14:49] That's another $2,000.

[14:50] They put that in at the factory.

[14:52] I can't take that out.

[14:53] I could talk to my manager about maybe knocking $1,000 off of the gay coat, but my hands are

[14:59] real...

[15:00] I'm tied on this one.

[15:01] I can't really lower the price too much more.

[15:03] There's just a thing he's going through, Dan.

[15:06] He's not actually going to go to his manager for this.

[15:07] No, no, no.

[15:08] I'm going to go talk to my manager about it.

[15:09] I want to give you...

[15:10] I don't know why he would lie to me about this.

[15:11] You guys want...

[15:12] He's not your friend, Dan.

[15:13] He's pretending to be your friend.

[15:14] When you walked on the esteemed British actor's lot and you looked at this Derek Jacoby, you

[15:18] said you wanted it at a very fair price, and I promised you that, and I want to give you

[15:22] as fair a price as I can.

[15:24] I loved him in the Olivier Othello, Dan, but I don't know if we need him in this gay coating.

[15:29] Yeah.

[15:30] I just want to know if Frill's Derek Jacoby.

[15:32] Look, I'm not trying to upsell you on a lot of stuff, even though I think you would really

[15:36] love the upsold model.

[15:37] It looks like he's already got a lot of miles on him.

[15:40] Wow.

[15:41] Okay.

[15:42] Well, let's just say he's an experienced drive.

[15:44] Let's say that, okay?

[15:46] If you want to go with a...

[15:47] I don't know, like a...

[15:48] What's the guy...

[15:49] I can't remember his name now.

[15:50] The guy who played...

[15:51] He was in that NBC Dracula show.

[15:52] He was in Bend It Like Beckham and stuff.

[15:53] Ian Holm?

[15:54] No, no.

[15:55] He played Steer Pike in the Gormenghast TV show.

[15:56] You know who I'm talking about.

[15:57] Ian McKellen?

[15:58] No, it's not.

[15:59] No.

[16:00] Ian McKellen...

[16:01] Oh, I'm so sorry.

[16:02] We're just bought.

[16:03] Christopher Lee?

[16:04] Christopher Lee, sadly, is no longer available.

[16:05] They're not making that model anymore.

[16:06] But if you want a younger model, go ahead.

[16:07] Take one.

[16:08] If you want an Eddie Redmayne, I could sell you one of those.

[16:09] You'll get overcharged.

[16:10] It's going to break down.

[16:11] You'll have a Jupiter ascending on your hands.

[16:12] You don't want that.

[16:13] Derek Jacoby, nice, solid car.

[16:14] You're going to love it.

[16:19] It's going to break down.

[16:20] You'll have a Jupiter ascending on your hands.

[16:22] You don't want that.

[16:23] Derek Jacoby, nice, solid.

[16:25] You can always rely on it.

[16:27] This Derek Jacoby, previously just owned by some old lady.

[16:29] Just, he acted at church every now and then.

[16:31] Did Derek Jacoby ever win the academy award for best actor?

[16:34] For best Jacoby?

[16:35] I don't know.

[16:36] You'd think he was in the category.

[16:38] He would be a shoo-in for that.

[16:40] But Eddie Redmayne has.

[16:42] Yeah.

[16:43] That's the weird thing.

[16:44] From Jupiter Ascending.

[16:45] Yeah, he won for Jupiter Ascending.

[16:47] So we haven't really talked about this movie at all.

[16:49] So the movie tells the story of a brief moment in Grace Kelly's life.

[16:53] Grace Kelly, of course, one of the big stars of the screen.

[16:56] From the Elliot time of movies.

[17:00] Most notably from Rear Window.

[17:02] What else?

[17:03] Dialing for Murder.

[17:04] I mean, you're familiar with, I mean, I think we're all familiar mainly with the Alfred

[17:08] Hitchcock one.

[17:09] She was also in, was it called High Society, the musical version of the Philadelphia story.

[17:14] She won the academy award for, was it called The Farmer's Daughter?

[17:19] I think it was.

[17:20] I think we can all agree that she's known mostly for her work with Alfred Hitchcock.

[17:25] I mean, she's not an actress who I've ever had much of an affinity for.

[17:29] I mean, she's wonderful in Rear Window.

[17:31] Come on.

[17:32] Yeah, she's great in that.

[17:33] But like, Rear Window is a great movie all around.

[17:36] The way that I would follow Jimmy Stewart or, just speaking of Rear Window actors, Jimmy

[17:41] Stewart or Thelma Ritter into another movie because I feel like they're interesting actors

[17:46] to me.

[17:47] Grace Kelly is one of the least interesting classic Hollywood actors to me.

[17:50] I think the thing about her in Rear Window is that she's just astoundingly beautiful.

[17:54] I think that that's, and she's magnetic.

[17:56] No, she's magnetic in it.

[17:57] But as a personality on screen, I find nothing really in her besides like beauty and elegance.

[18:06] But there's not a lot of character in it.

[18:08] The same way that like, I haven't, like personally, just being very honest, personally, I've got

[18:13] more of an affinity for like Myrna Loy.

[18:15] Well, I think Nicole Kidman's here to change all that, Elliot.

[18:18] Well, here's the thing.

[18:19] They picked, they said, what modern day actress is also beautiful and yet doesn't have much

[18:25] personality on screen?

[18:26] Has a certain coldness.

[18:27] Has a certain dead taxidermied eye about her, which is totally unfair to Nicole Kidman since

[18:33] I loved her in the others.

[18:34] Yeah, she can be wonderful in the right thing.

[18:37] And she's, even in Eyes Wide Shut, she's got good scenes, you know, BMX Bandits.

[18:41] She steals the show.

[18:42] Terrific.

[18:43] Sure, Far and Away.

[18:44] Far and Away.

[18:45] To die for.

[18:46] Is Far and Away one of her most interesting roles.

[18:47] To die for.

[18:48] She's really good in.

[18:49] Stoker.

[18:50] Stoker.

[18:51] Stoker.

[18:52] Stoked to the flames of my passion.

[18:53] I don't love, but she has some good stuff in it.

[18:55] But so this tells the story of Grace Kelly after she has left the screen and married

[18:59] Prince Rainier of Monaco, played by Tim Roth.

[19:01] I mean, it opens with the final shot, final take of her acting career, and then she walks

[19:06] into her trailer where they're playing her exposition story.

[19:10] Where the radio is literally explaining who she is and what she's just done and where

[19:13] she's going to go.

[19:14] Yeah, and she's like, oh, that's what I'm all about.

[19:17] I'm glad I tuned into WGRK, the Grace Kelly Network.

[19:21] It just explains who I am all the time.

[19:24] Which radio is Zork going to be on?

[19:27] I want to use the key in the lock.

[19:30] Is that your final choice, Dan?

[19:32] Sure, that's locking in.

[19:34] Okay, well, we'll have to check this out next week on Radio Zork.

[19:39] And she goes to Monaco.

[19:40] She's in Monaco.

[19:42] Monaco's having some troubles.

[19:44] It seems that they're running out of money.

[19:47] Why are you rubbing your face?

[19:48] Because I thought Dan was scratching his face and I thought he was telling me I had something

[19:50] on my face.

[19:51] No, I was.

[19:52] Because he was staring at me intently like a lover's gaze.

[19:54] I was telling you, my cheek itches.

[19:56] Thanks for communicating that to me.

[20:00] the

[20:07] uh... so yeah i think there is a great we've got some so she's at my monaco

[20:11] ironically for places most of the word money in its name is running out of it

[20:16] you may say

[20:16] maybe melt some down some of your fucking solid gold chairs are always

[20:20] sitting in monica's

[20:21] or money comes

[20:22] i think

[20:23] it we found that's what it

[20:24] monique use

[20:26] monique use yet it was like that it's a really strange monarchy shins monaco is

[20:31] having dot the piper is is coming to be paid in that

[20:35] for years they have lived off the largest of french billionaires looking

[20:38] to hide their money from being taxed by the french now the french government in

[20:42] the early sixties needs money to keep fighting its needless war in algeria

[20:46] and

[20:47] they've come to pick up a call in

[20:49] to monaco

[20:50] so tim roth is in a pickle

[20:52] which is ironic since this is maybe the least jewish movie i've ever seen

[20:56] none of these people has ever had a pickle

[20:58] let alone pastrami let's just leave that aside right there

[21:02] this is an incredibly gentile film

[21:05] so he's in a pickle in that he needs money and also his wife

[21:09] wants to have her own career she doesn't want to just go around being a princess

[21:13] who looks at red cross orphanages and and ask for money for them and she wants

[21:17] to be a married woman who has a little

[21:20] and so alfred hitchcock also comes a call in

[21:23] to have grace kelly played a lead in a little movie called

[21:26] marnie

[21:28] which is historically she does write john connery like

[21:32] raping a lady no the movie is about tippi hedren as a woman with psychological issues who is

[21:37] driven to steal

[21:39] uh... and sean connery becomes obsessed with her

[21:41] and wants to wants to possess her and find out what her mystery is

[21:45] wants to break her like a horse

[21:47] yeah basically in a tree falls through a window

[21:50] and at the end she talks in a little girl's voice and everything it's a

[21:52] strange weird weird movie

[21:54] as as johnny carson say it is weird wild stuff i mean it's probably i think it is

[22:00] the original title of the movie

[22:02] weird wild stuff the movie it's the last hitchcock movie that really like

[22:06] feels like a hitchcock movie i don't know about that what about like frenzy

[22:10] i mean frenzy i like but it doesn't

[22:13] feel like a hitchcock i mean there's no glamour in it if that's what you mean

[22:16] yeah there's still some kind of glamour in marnie there's and there's none

[22:19] frenzy feels like a seventies movie in a way that feels

[22:23] i guess so unhitchcocky

[22:25] when did the wrong man come out i can't remember

[22:28] i mean i guess there he was trying for a deliberately unhitchcock style i guess

[22:31] wrong man was earlier than marnie

[22:34] so the one with dave toley topaz i guess has some very hitchcocky

[22:38] but topaz is a bad movie it's got like two good sequences in it

[22:41] and uh...

[22:42] and uh...

[22:43] family plot

[22:44] feels like a tv movie

[22:46] yeah family plot

[22:47] has some funny bits and i like bruce stern but it is a weird weird

[22:51] is that the michael haneke movie funny bits

[22:52] yeah funny bits

[22:56] it's about uh... a comical penis

[23:01] it's a talking penis that tells jokes

[23:04] the weird thing is it's very prudish doesn't work blue doesn't curse it's a

[23:08] family penis comedian

[23:11] funny bits

[23:14] with billy crystal as the voice of the penis

[23:17] anyway

[23:17] grace of monaco she offered to play the lead in marnie she wants to play the

[23:21] lead

[23:22] but her husband the prince does not want her to return to the screen

[23:26] there's scene after scene at first he's like kinda lukewarm on it

[23:30] until it

[23:32] her going back to acting gets in the way of his

[23:36] i guess

[23:37] uh... political plans he worries that it would be seen as

[23:40] the princess of monaco abandoning her country and her family in a time of its

[23:44] need

[23:44] and also

[23:45] he doesn't it's

[23:46] it's she's not a proper princess she's an american who says what she thinks

[23:50] whenever she thinks it

[23:51] that gets him into trouble

[23:52] when she talks back to a french finance minister

[23:55] who they need

[23:57] and then the french finance minister

[23:58] insults her to the prince's face and the prince slaps him

[24:02] causing almost war between france and monaco a country with no army

[24:07] that france has just been kind of protecting

[24:09] here's where we get to the crux of the movie

[24:11] i hope you're all enjoying the mister softy theme song

[24:15] that i'm sure you can hear because i don't know lasting through the window

[24:18] that kind of law i can hear it was before and it's hard to hear when you

[24:21] listen to the episode

[24:23] but mister softy also movie about a penis was just a little bit going by

[24:27] playing a song

[24:29] uh...

[24:31] it's about a very emotional penis who takes into emotional

[24:34] that cries a lot

[24:36] seaman

[24:37] uh... out of the jury

[24:39] dan

[24:41] this was a family podcast briefly

[24:44] you know i guess never

[24:45] okay so

[24:46] here's the problem with the movie

[24:48] one of the many problems i thought that it's very boring

[24:50] okay and that

[24:51] uh... we never get into the psychologies of any of the characters

[24:54] that uh... you are asked to care about what's going to happen to

[24:58] a tiny country that makes its money off of hiding that

[25:01] dollars of billionaires from france taxes

[25:04] and that

[25:05] where the

[25:06] a tax shelter

[25:07] gambling uh... playground for the rich

[25:10] with a prince lives in incredibly lavish luxury and he makes some bullshit

[25:14] answer that like

[25:15] early on that he has to live this way

[25:17] in order to keep up the show that brings money in from other from foreigners

[25:21] if he sold a lot of his junk

[25:24] they'd be able to open up that orphanage that

[25:26] that nicole kidman or that

[25:27] to refurbish that orphanage that nicole kidman says is uh...

[25:30] is in bad shape yeah the only argument that they have is

[25:34] we don't want this money

[25:35] to go to this war in algeria which is not a terrible argument but

[25:40] uh... it's not

[25:41] there's no good guy necessarily

[25:44] in this fight the struggle of a tax dollars

[25:47] grace kelly when she's not palling around with opera star maria callas

[25:51] played by the not nude paz vega

[25:55] agonizing over her role should she be go back to the screen should you be your

[25:58] own woman or is it

[25:59] better for her to stand by her man but that's the other thing all the while

[26:02] parker posey stands over her shoulder

[26:05] the what

[26:06] parker posey is constantly hovering about meanwhile parker posey is the like

[26:10] uh... evil uh...

[26:12] uh... house mistress from rebecca character

[26:15] for most of the movie

[26:16] where she's very stern and is always telling grace kelly what she can and

[26:18] can't do

[26:19] and then at the end but then she turns out to be one of the good guys because

[26:22] they managed to

[26:24] in a plot that

[26:25] comes out of that like just is not enjoyable but it should be

[26:28] they hire a detective and discover that someone's been passing

[26:32] information to the press and the french

[26:34] and they

[26:35] briefly suspect grace

[26:37] but they hire detective and see the pictures and listen to a tape phone

[26:40] calls and stuff

[26:41] and they find out that it's actually the princess sister bump bump bomb

[26:45] nothing really happens off of that you know that so she wants to be in marnie

[26:49] and she says that it's gotten universal pictures

[26:51] i'll be in the movie but it has to be a secret until i guess the movie is made

[26:56] she seems to think that she can keep it a secret from the monaco people in the

[26:59] rest of world

[27:00] that she's starring in a movie

[27:02] like the movie's gonna come out eventually

[27:05] but news of it leaks and she is shocked and has to deny it

[27:08] uh... because of some marital turmoil

[27:11] including a fight that is

[27:13] uh... takes place right by a giant beach ball

[27:17] they're eating lunch next to a pool on their vacation which is having some hot

[27:20] dogs

[27:22] and some burgers some borg burgers

[27:26] because the burgers have been assimilated and become gloria borgia

[27:29] but uh...

[27:30] but there's a beach ball the background it really undercuts the the severity of

[27:34] the scene

[27:35] they have an argument and grace kelly she says she has to get serious about

[27:39] this

[27:40] this is a woman who's the county award-winning actress under the

[27:43] tutelage of the advise the guidance of

[27:46] franklin jela as i guess what the

[27:48] the head priest of monaco news hangs around is like their house guest in

[27:52] is her confidant

[27:54] she uh... she goes over to derrick jackie's house

[27:57] and he teaches her how to act like a princess because what the movie is

[28:00] telling us is that grace kelly before she became a princess was not a good

[28:04] actress so yeah did not know how to act to the real ugly duckling who had no

[28:09] poise

[28:10] uh... my fair lady story for the ages and he like holds a flash cards of

[28:14] emotions and she has to express them without talking

[28:16] and she has to like

[28:18] say seashells she sells by the seat i see i screwed up already in french

[28:22] and she's going to all this is the same thing yeah i don't want to say i mean

[28:25] the subject of translating it as she sells seashells by the seashore but

[28:31] i'll assume that they're just doing that idiomatically that in french it's a

[28:35] time of like a radically

[28:38] now

[28:39] but he a bird

[28:41] uh... so the uh...

[28:44] she learned how to be a princess she decides you know what i'm gonna stick

[28:46] with my family

[28:47] not gonna stand by my man

[28:51] but the song wing

[28:52] or employing you

[28:54] when there's no stand for standing

[28:59] there's no

[29:00] staying there sometimes it's hard to be

[29:03] the princess of monica

[29:06] given all your love

[29:08] to just one prince yeah

[29:11] it's great guys

[29:13] uh... anyway so you both she says she's gonna keep singing to me and she

[29:17] publicly says she is retiring from the screen

[29:20] she travels all over and in indiana jones she doesn't travel she goes to

[29:24] paris and she sends letters all over the world

[29:26] uh... cross ball at monaco who needs to make a show to charles de gaulle the

[29:31] president of france a mask of the red cross

[29:35] only if only they had all died of the plague

[29:37] she uh... she has to make a show to charles de gaulle president france that

[29:40] the world is not turned its back on monaco

[29:43] how to do it

[29:43] by throwing a fancy ball

[29:45] and that she sends invitations all over the world

[29:48] and you see in indiana jones style

[29:50] map with lines traveling out that's just representing letters being sent from

[29:54] one place to another

[29:57] little letter cartoons going around like they have airplanes

[30:00] I think it's a good example of the over confidence in the drama of the story that the movie has that it feels like the idea of letters being sent from one country to another demands representation in an animated form that we're going to be so astounded by it.

[30:16] The very concept, like when Indiana Jones is flying between all these exotic places, it's like, oh, wow, he's going from Cairo to Java, something like that, these exotic far off lands.

[30:27] He's this adventurer who's doing it.

[30:30] There's something exciting about that.

[30:31] There's something less exciting about like, oh, well, there's a functioning international postal service, and if I put the address of somebody in Washington, D.C. on a letter in Monaco, it's going to get there, I guess.

[30:41] It almost looks like –

[30:43] Which is ridiculous since she's had a phone call with her mother that did not go well.

[30:47] Did not go well all the way in Philadelphia because I guess her mother just found out that Tom Hanks has AIDS.

[30:52] Oh, my god.

[30:53] It reminds me of something that happened when I worked at –

[30:55] That's the Philadelphia story.

[30:57] Tom Hanks has AIDS.

[30:58] When I worked at Suncoast Motion Picture Company, a video store that did not rent videos and only sold them, a guy walked in confident as the day is long in his selection.

[31:06] He walked up to me, and he said, do you have the Philadelphia story?

[31:10] And I said, yes, we do.

[31:11] It was in the comedy section.

[31:12] I knew this, went to get it, and showed it to him, and he went, that's not it.

[31:16] And I was about to punch him because I was like, there's only one movie called The Philadelphia Story.

[31:21] And he goes, no, with Tom Hanks.

[31:23] Like, oh, you mean Philadelphia.

[31:26] So not the story of a high society woman who has to choose between two suitors.

[31:30] You mean the story of a gay man who has come down with a fatal disease.

[31:34] But you've added the word and story.

[31:38] Yeah, I think he's still right.

[31:39] It is a story.

[31:40] It is a story in Philadelphia.

[31:42] I think it's probably the most important story in the city of Philadelphia.

[31:46] The only way –

[31:47] Now I'm imagining Jimmy Stewart and Cary Grant starring in Philadelphia.

[31:51] Yeah, Cary Grant is a terrible –

[31:53] He fired me just because I came down with this disease.

[31:57] And Cary Grant is what?

[31:58] Is he in the Denzel Washington role or in the Antonio Banderas role?

[32:01] No, he's in the Denzel Washington role.

[32:03] Okay, so he's defending him.

[32:04] My client, your honor, his rights have been invaded.

[32:09] Judy, Judy, Judy.

[32:11] That's pretty good.

[32:12] That's a better Cary Grant than I expected.

[32:13] That's better than I expected, frankly.

[32:15] I did not expect that.

[32:16] It wasn't great, but it was better than I thought.

[32:18] But then at the end of this movie, she makes a speech that goes on for like ten minutes of screen time.

[32:25] She talks about – now earlier, it's been talked about how this was supposed to be a fairytale story,

[32:29] that this beautiful woman becomes a real-life princess.

[32:32] But in fact, it's more fake than her Hollywood life.

[32:35] I'm reading into it subtextually because that would be a more interesting story to watch,

[32:40] her discovering that there's more artifice to this real-life royalty than there was to her being queen of Hollywood.

[32:45] But she talked to Frank Langella and she goes, do you believe in fairytales?

[32:48] And he says, no, but I do believe in happily ever after.

[32:51] What does that mean?

[32:52] Which is a huge dodge.

[32:53] It means nothing.

[32:54] It's like –

[32:55] But also like they're the same thing.

[32:56] Fairytales and happily – like it's not –

[32:59] Potato, potato, bro.

[33:01] Tomato to Mordo.

[33:03] Yeah, I mean like –

[33:04] That's what I would say if I was writing a letter to Baron Mordo.

[33:06] You're like a strange villain.

[33:08] You would totally get that joke.

[33:10] Take a letter to Mordo.

[33:13] Baron, in response to the letter you sent me of September the 3rd, yes, I will attend your dinner party.

[33:21] Please do not seat me next to Dormammu.

[33:24] It is too warm.

[33:26] So anyway –

[33:27] Great.

[33:28] I don't know what that meant, but I'm sure it's great.

[33:30] So it means the same thing.

[33:32] Well, you'll know when Benedict Cumberbatch's Doctor Strange movie comes out.

[33:36] Who plays Dormammu in that?

[33:38] It's probably going to be like, I don't know, like DJ Qualls or something.

[33:42] He's still a working actor?

[33:43] Oh, yeah.

[33:44] It stands for Dormammu J. Qualls.

[33:46] I mean he's a working DJ.

[33:48] Actually, think of DJ Quails.

[33:50] That's Dan Quails' DJ career.

[33:52] Wow.

[33:53] Yeah.

[33:54] Speaking of potato, anyway, back to what we were talking about.

[33:57] So she gives a speech at the Red Cross Ball.

[34:01] Everyone's in attendance, even Charles de Gaulle.

[34:03] People are loving that shit.

[34:04] That rhymed.

[34:05] That was a rap I just dropped.

[34:07] Thanks, DJ Qualls.

[34:09] That's my new rap name, DJ Qualls.

[34:12] The Qualls stands for quality.

[34:16] You can't spell quality without some of the letters in Qualls.

[34:21] Now, she gives a speech about how she can't bear to live in a world where love doesn't conquer all.

[34:27] And during the speech, it seems like the camera gets fuzzier and fuzzier,

[34:31] like she's fading you into some, like, dreamless sleep.

[34:34] Now, either they're going for a old-school glamour,

[34:37] they're putting Vaseline on the lens to make her look younger,

[34:40] because she is shot in such close-up that you can see that her nose is a little weirdly shaped

[34:46] in a way I've never noticed before.

[34:48] Yeah, but it kind of makes her a little more attractive that way, right?

[34:51] Yeah, it's the flaw that highlights the beauty.

[34:53] It's like a beauty mark.

[34:54] Or the camera operator was falling asleep and just didn't realize that the focus had fallen out.

[35:00] They're using one of those old focus-pulling cameras.

[35:03] It's like the scene in Stagecoach where you first see John Wayne.

[35:06] The camera's moving forward so fast that they can't keep it in focus the whole time,

[35:10] but it makes the shot better, Dan.

[35:12] No, I agree.

[35:13] It highlights the drama of the shot, Dan.

[35:15] I just rewatched Stagecroach.

[35:17] Stagecrouch, which is about a guy who's got such horrible stage fright he can't stand up,

[35:22] but he's a brilliant actor.

[35:24] I was just imagining Stagecoach, but all the actors are crouching the whole time,

[35:27] and they have to, like, walk around like this weirdly.

[35:30] It makes it very hard for the Indian fight at the end,

[35:32] because they have to waddle around in a crouch while firing arrows.

[35:35] Even the horses are crouching when they're running, taking the stage.

[35:39] Oh, I forgot.

[35:40] And she gives this speech, and it wins everyone over, and Monaco is saved.

[35:43] Hooray.

[35:44] Now, here's something I wanted to mention also.

[35:45] Yeah, the best part is right after her speech at this, like, fancy dinner,

[35:49] there's this pause, and then everybody starts to clap, and it's like,

[35:52] have you ever been to one of these fancy dinners where everybody didn't clap after a speech?

[35:56] Well, Prince Rainer claps and stands up, and everyone follows his lead,

[35:59] showing that he does love her, and he's not ashamed of her for speaking out,

[36:02] even though she's essentially saying what he wants her to say,

[36:05] and also that he does command the allegiance of people.

[36:08] They didn't let him applaud alone.

[36:10] Oh, okay.

[36:11] Monaco is saved.

[36:13] It's a regular king's speech where nothing is at stake.

[36:17] Does Charles de Gaulle go stomping out, throwing up his money and baguettes and whatnot?

[36:22] Well, Charles de Gaulle's sidekick comes up to try to comfort him,

[36:25] and he pushes him away angrily.

[36:26] Slaps him in the face with a beret.

[36:27] And then they both fall in a pool that for some reason is in the middle of the ballroom.

[36:31] A pool of wine.

[36:32] So win-win for them, right?

[36:34] Yeah.

[36:35] But here's the thing.

[36:36] The thing that struck me most about this movie was there's a scene where, like I was saying,

[36:41] Grace Kelly goes to Derek Jacoby's house,

[36:43] and he teaches her all about the history of Monaco and of the Grimaldi family.

[36:47] And she learns about it and practices this speech and how she's going to talk,

[36:53] and it reminded me of nothing more than the Saved by the Bell episode

[36:57] where Zach Morris learns he has some Native American ancestry,

[37:00] and he has to learn about what it was like to be an American Indian.

[37:03] And the guy he goes to talk to gives him a big pile of books to read,

[37:07] just like Grace Kelly gets a big pile of books.

[37:10] And then he goes and he gives Chief Joseph's speech before his class about how he will wage war no more.

[37:16] It was, I felt I would fight no more forever.

[37:18] And I realized –

[37:19] Was this like a Good Morning Miss Bliss episode?

[37:22] No, this was when it was by Saved by the Bell because they're in California.

[37:24] So Slayer was there.

[37:26] Because, yes, the Native American mentor that he gets is a surfer.

[37:29] Oh, that makes sense.

[37:31] And would it make sense in the Indiana location of Good Morning Miss Bliss for them to be a surfer?

[37:36] That would be strange.

[37:37] Maybe in like the Great Lakes.

[37:38] Or Native American, I guess.

[37:39] Is there a lot of surfing in the Great Lakes?

[37:41] I don't think so.

[37:42] I think near Cleveland there's some.

[37:44] Sarah has a T-shirt that says Surf Ohio.

[37:47] I don't know whether that's ironic.

[37:49] Yeah, it could be ironic.

[37:50] Yeah, one of those ironic T-shirts that we've been hearing so much about lately.

[37:53] What was the B plot in that episode?

[37:55] I don't know that there was one.

[37:58] Saved by the Bell didn't have a lot of B plots.

[38:00] What was the B plot in Grace of Monaco?

[38:02] The B plot in Grace of Monaco was, I guess, Frank Langella getting chewed out by the Vatican

[38:06] for spending all his time hanging around with the princess.

[38:09] For being her personal priest.

[38:10] Well, I guess the B plot was who's going to play Marnie?

[38:14] And it turned out to be Tippi Hedren.

[38:16] Spoiler alert, guys.

[38:17] The Tippist of Hedrens.

[38:19] But it was like Grace of Monaco was attempting and failing to reach the same level of drama

[38:24] as a middling episode of Saved by the Bell.

[38:26] And when I say middling, I mean that it didn't involve the Malibu Sands Beach Club

[38:30] or Jesse Spano getting addicted to caffeine pills.

[38:34] Yeah, that's the best one.

[38:35] Which is, of course, the best episode of Saved by the Bell.

[38:37] Am I forgetting the Zack attack behind the music episode?

[38:39] That's pretty great.

[38:40] No, I'm not forgetting.

[38:41] Whoa!

[38:42] One of two appearances by Casey Kasem in the series?

[38:45] Yes, I'm not going to forget that.

[38:47] Now, am I forgetting any of the episodes with Screech's robot, Kevin?

[38:50] Jesus Christ.

[38:51] Of course not.

[38:54] What about where they do the dance, the Lisa, where they hop around on one foot?

[38:57] That's one of the Casey Kasem appearances with the dance competition at the max.

[39:00] That's a great one, yeah.

[39:01] That's good.

[39:02] There's also, of course, the one where Zack gets a 1502 on his SATs and Stanford is all over him.

[39:07] Jesse is fucking pissed.

[39:09] He is so mad.

[39:10] Incensed.

[39:11] He is so mad.

[39:12] So, guys.

[39:13] Let's not forget the one where he and Jesse start having romantic feelings for each other on vacation.

[39:19] The highlight of which is just that Elizabeth Barclay's in a bikini.

[39:22] I mean, she's in Showgirls.

[39:24] This was pre-Showgirls, Dan.

[39:26] All right.

[39:27] So, on this apt save-by-the-bell analogy, let's close down discussion and talk about Final Judgment.

[39:34] Grace of Monaco.

[39:35] Was this a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, or a movie we kind of liked?

[39:39] I'm going to start for once.

[39:40] I'm going to say bad bad movie.

[39:44] It was boring, and in addition to having the moral that Monaco should hold out on the moral judgment that – or the moral grounds that it should be a tax dodge for rich people.

[39:59] Well, the fact that she's like –

[40:00] We need money for this orphanage, and he's like, what can I do?

[40:02] I can't start taxing the residents here to use the money to pay for services.

[40:06] That's not what Monaco does.

[40:09] Yeah, so it puts that message forth.

[40:11] That is Monaco-ed.

[40:12] And it also puts the message forth that Grace Kelly should be a servile wife standing by her man,

[40:20] rather than having her own career as an artist in Hollywood.

[40:25] Those two things together, not so great.

[40:28] Also, there's barely any conflict in this movie.

[40:33] I don't know why I should care.

[40:34] I will say that it's not so terrible as a movie that I feel like it necessarily makes sense that it went straight from Cannes to Lifetime.

[40:45] Like, there are much worse movies that have had theatrical releases, but that's not enough to recommend it.

[40:51] That's what I say.

[40:52] Yeah, that's true.

[40:53] Not as bad as other movies.

[40:56] Yeah, as far as turns go, it's pretty firm.

[40:59] It's not one of those wet ones.

[41:01] It's hard to clean up.

[41:02] Yeah, I'm going to go.

[41:03] I'm going to agree with you, Dan.

[41:04] I'm going to say bad, bad movie.

[41:06] I think you mentioned when we were watching Elliott that if it had a lighter tone, it might be more fun.

[41:12] But it takes itself so seriously.

[41:14] And it features, especially near the end, like every scene features like opera music.

[41:22] Yeah, the movie that almost like deifies the characters.

[41:26] It's crazy.

[41:26] The movie ends with Grace Kelly reading a letter from Frank Langella about how the serenity she has gained is what I guess all men are striving for when they worship God.

[41:36] And there's angelic choirs in the background.

[41:39] And that's right before time gets unstuck and we are trapped in some kind of unending loop of Grace Kelly's life.

[41:45] It becomes a real Kelly House Five where we're just experiencing moments out of sync.

[41:50] But and not in the fun way of like at the end of Easy Rider 2, an old man was getting a haircut.

[41:55] Yeah, which is like the ending of Akira.

[41:59] Yeah, it's caught in shards of time.

[42:01] Stuck in a singularity.

[42:02] Like in Wax or the Discovery of Television Among the Bees.

[42:06] But yeah, it's setting Grace Kelly up as a sort of martyred saint in this weird way.

[42:12] And I agree with both you guys that it was boring.

[42:15] It's beautiful to look at at times, but it looks like an expensive perfume commercial.

[42:19] That's true.

[42:20] It's boring.

[42:22] It's the message is offensive in the way that is saying she was right to deny herself a part of herself.

[42:28] And yeah, it's just really like it's it is kind of disgustingly over the top in terms of how serious it takes it.

[42:36] Even the King's speech.

[42:37] But Parker Posey got paid.

[42:39] That's cool.

[42:40] If like if you had told the story from the point of view of Parker Posey's character and with a sense of humor, like that could have been a good movie.

[42:46] This like Prigg, who is making life hell for Grace Kelly, but turns out to like save the day in the end by unmasking the plot by the sister to unseat him from the throne.

[42:57] You know, the moment Grace Kelly foils the plot to take over the throne.

[43:02] That's the fucking B plot of the movie.

[43:04] That's the B plot of the movie.

[43:05] Yeah, that's right.

[43:05] Who's the mole?

[43:07] The B plot of the movie, like it was as with the B plot of Spider-Man and the X-Men by Ali Kaelin, was who's the mole?

[43:13] But that Calumbo, the A plot is just crazy adventures for them to get into.

[43:21] Yeah, I guess that's true.

[43:22] Yeah, Grace Kelly as Calumbo, the detective who discovers it.

[43:27] That's the B plot.

[43:27] But like the King's speech, which is about World War Two, has more jokes in it and a lighter sense of like just style.

[43:35] That's what you get when you bang on Geoffrey Rush as opposed to Tim Roth.

[43:38] I'll tell you what, his name may be Rush, but he takes his time and his time is impeccable.

[43:43] Okay, well, that's terrible.

[43:45] You know he was named after the band Rush?

[43:47] No, it's not true.

[43:48] Yeah, his original name was Geoffrey Today's Tom Sawyer.

[43:50] And he is no fly by night.

[43:52] No, he's living in the limelight though.

[43:54] He's got the spirit of radio.

[43:58] I gotta tell you, but that man deserves to be in moving pictures.

[44:01] Before we move on.

[44:02] What was the name of their future concept album?

[44:04] 2112?

[44:06] Yeah, he'll be around until then.

[44:08] He doesn't have to roll the bones.

[44:11] Big Money, is that a Rush song?

[44:13] Clockwork Angels.

[44:15] Before we move on.

[44:18] Sledgehammer, not a Rush song.

[44:22] Peter Archangel Gabriel.

[44:24] So I didn't give my official. Bad, bad.

[44:26] Okay.

[44:32] Ty is a pedantic person.

[44:35] I think when he pronounces these words, it's in a very show-offy way.

[44:40] Gyro, Gyro, Sacrebleu, Sacrebleu, Ayers Rock, Uluru.

[44:49] What you are witnessing is real.

[44:51] The participants are not actors.

[44:53] They are actual litigants with real cases.

[44:56] They call in via Skype to Judge John Hodgman's court.

[45:00] The real people's court.

[45:02] Now I call you to Judge John Hodgman's internet court.

[45:06] Find it at MaximumFun.org or wherever you download podcasts.

[45:11] Before we move on, we do have a sponsor tonight.

[45:16] The Flophouse is brought to you in part by Squarespace.

[45:20] Squarespace?

[45:21] The all-in-one Squarespace website platform.

[45:26] Now, let's say one thing.

[45:28] Dan, Stuart, I want to start a website.

[45:30] Sure.

[45:31] It's going to be called dogbutts.com.

[45:33] Okay.

[45:33] It's your place online for dogs butts and what to do with them.

[45:37] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[45:37] But I don't know how to start a website.

[45:39] What do I do with them?

[45:40] You sick mess.

[45:42] Groom and clean up after.

[45:44] Okay.

[45:45] And some other stuff.

[45:46] Now, how do I set up a website?

[45:49] Where do I go?

[45:50] I tried typing dogbutts.com on a typewriter and it didn't work.

[45:54] You go to a company that I'm sure is very excited about having dogs butts associated with them.

[45:59] So thank you for going there with your brain.

[46:02] But you go to Squarespace.

[46:04] Okay.

[46:05] It's called penguinfarts.com.

[46:07] Better.

[46:08] It's on the internet for farts made by penguins.

[46:10] Look, here's the thing.

[46:11] Squarespace doesn't judge.

[46:12] That sounds adorable.

[46:13] Whatever you want to make your website about, you can do it at Squarespace.

[46:15] Even farts from penguins or butts from dogs?

[46:18] Yeah.

[46:19] Okay.

[46:20] Let's say this.

[46:21] I've got a Christopher Lee fan page I want to put up.

[46:22] That sounds terrific.

[46:23] It's called penguinfarts.com.

[46:24] Why would you call it that?

[46:25] It's the place online for the great British actor Christopher Lee.

[46:28] Where do I go?

[46:29] How do I do it?

[46:30] You go to Squarespace.com.

[46:31] You know why?

[46:32] Because Squarespace sites look professionally designed regardless of your skill level.

[46:36] Because my skill level is nada.

[46:38] Super low.

[46:39] You don't need to know anything about coding.

[46:40] You think the devil wears nada.

[46:41] My skill level is at the same level.

[46:43] Yeah.

[46:44] Well, you don't need to know coding.

[46:45] So you're saying they talk to their manager, and they're going to knock off that coding?

[46:49] That's right.

[46:51] That coding is not put into the factory.

[46:54] Wow.

[46:55] Yeah.

[46:56] Okay.

[46:57] So will it work on a phone?

[46:58] Will it work on a tablet?

[46:59] Yeah.

[47:00] No.

[47:01] It's – what do you got?

[47:02] It's got that responsive design.

[47:03] I'm getting a lot of mobile traffic at penguinfarts.com.

[47:06] Well, you appeal to on-the-go users.

[47:09] I'm a businessman.

[47:10] I want to learn about Christopher Leaf and maybe a penguin farts when I click on the buttons.

[47:14] Well, here's good news for you.

[47:15] It will look great on your phone.

[47:16] It will look great on your tablet.

[47:18] It doesn't matter.

[47:19] That sounds like responsive design.

[47:21] Yeah.

[47:22] That does sound very responsive to the needs of me and the consumer.

[47:24] Now, Dan, so I don't need to know how to code because that's good.

[47:27] I don't know how to.

[47:28] It automatically changes for a phone or a tablet or a computer or whatever.

[47:32] Now, is there – and there's no limit to what I can do with it.

[47:35] That's also true.

[47:36] They're not going to judge me.

[47:37] I can do whatever I want with it.

[47:38] I mean within reason.

[47:39] I mean nothing illegal.

[47:40] Yeah, there you go.

[47:41] But let's say I want to finally marry my twin interests of Christopher Leaf and what

[47:46] it sounds like with a penguin farts.

[47:47] It did sound like he was going to marry his twin perfectly.

[47:50] I can't marry my twin.

[47:52] One, that's illegal.

[47:53] Two, I'm not attracted to her.

[47:54] She's not my type.

[47:55] Three, she's married already and I'm married already.

[47:57] Those are three good reasons.

[47:59] Well, look, if you want to start your weirdo fan site, you can start your free trial today

[48:07] with no credit card required at Squarespace.com.

[48:09] I don't even need a credit card to start it up?

[48:11] You don't and you can use the offer code –

[48:13] I can just mail them things.

[48:14] It's convenient now.

[48:15] You can use the offer code FLOP to get 10% off your first purchase.

[48:20] Squarespace, build it beautiful.

[48:22] Thank you for sponsoring the Flophouse.

[48:24] Thank you very much for sponsoring it and giving me the opportunity to do my Christopher

[48:27] Leaf penguin farts website.

[48:28] And offer code is FLOP.

[48:31] Go to Squarespace.com, type in FLOP, 10% off, start up your site.

[48:36] Just not a Christopher Leaf site.

[48:38] Maybe like an Elliot Kalen fan site.

[48:39] Maybe do one of those.

[48:40] Called Dog Farts.

[48:42] Dogfarts.com, your place online for unofficial Elliot Kalen news.

[48:47] I'm sure Dogfarts.com must exist.

[48:50] If it doesn't, why does the internet even exist?

[48:53] Such a waste of human endeavor.

[48:56] Now it's time.

[48:57] Why did Stephen Hawking invent it?

[48:58] I have no idea.

[49:02] For a final judgment.

[49:08] Grace of Monaco, hear ye, hear ye.

[49:11] How do you please?

[49:12] Movie!

[49:15] I find you not guilty.

[49:18] For letters from listeners.

[49:20] Letters from people like you who wrote in to us hoping for a response.

[49:25] What you're saying, Dan, is that someone took the time to write a letter to us.

[49:32] Well, I think we owe them at least one rhyme.

[49:36] About letters, the letters they wrote.

[49:39] About letters, I'm singing out of my throat.

[49:42] Should be singing from the diaphragm.

[49:45] But is that what I'm doing?

[49:47] It's not what I am doing right now.

[49:51] I never took a lesson in my life, but I still want to sing all my life about letters from you.

[49:57] I rhymed life with the word life.

[49:59] You're not supposed to do that.

[50:00] that but I did it anyway letters about us all right well thank you and thank

[50:10] you Stuart for getting another beer and slurping into the mic. Call him Mike Slurper.

[50:18] Mike Slurper, P.I. Just one more slurp sir. That's when she walked into my office and walked

[50:27] right back out again. I should really stop slurping. I know it's a cold

[50:32] beverage I don't need to take it that slowly. One of the, close the doors, one of

[50:36] you is a, a what? A what? I said a murderer. You're a murderer. The murderer is, she had legs going all the way up to, whoa okay whoa.

[50:50] Yeah that's pretty gross. Speaking of graphic, read us the letter that I assume

[50:54] is about Krang having sex with, with the Transformers. It goes like this, hey Dan,

[50:59] this is very important. You're the best guy. I love you the most, love Dan. Please do not

[51:05] read this on the air in front of quote Stuart Wellington. If he's around, please

[51:10] ask him to step into another room. Why am I in quotes? If he really exists. If he doesn't leave immediately, if he

[51:19] doesn't leave immediately, you and Elliot work on your Woody Allen impressions. I don't have to

[51:24] work on it, it's perfect. I was speaking to Stuart the other day and I wondered, why is he with the Dungeons and Dragons?

[51:33] She's a beautiful woman, why would she, I don't understand, you're a beautiful

[51:38] intelligent woman. I know, I once said sex with Stuart, as far as empty

[51:43] experiences go, is one of the most satisfying. So okay, the letter

[51:49] goes, okay he's gone now right? The person that has been on the Flophouse

[51:53] for the past six months is not Stuart Wellington. He is an imposter. Please be

[51:59] careful and please do not let this imposter know that you know this. I do

[52:02] not know when the switch happened and I do not know the true identity of the

[52:05] imposter you've been recording with. I do not know where the real Stuart is. Good

[52:09] luck, Alex, last name withheld. Hey guys, you guys done doing those impressions?

[52:15] Yeah, yeah, Stuart. I assume that was Detective Alex Cross. You guys just got a letter from Alex Cross?

[52:22] Was he talking about that snake man he killed in that one movie?

[52:25] He was talking about Jonah Hex. He was in Jonah Hex too? Uh oh. So no clues, we don't have any other clues?

[52:34] So like, what are the clues gonna be? I mean, he seems like Stuart based on the

[52:40] three Modellos he has lined up over there. And he sounds like Stuart. And I guess, I'm

[52:45] assuming some sort of metal t-shirt that he is on. Yeah, it says gore guts on it,

[52:50] that's a good guess. Oh, we saw them. Yeah, we saw them. How were gore guts? Were they

[52:56] good bad, bad bad, or? They were a band I kind of liked. They were good, they were good.

[53:00] They were very heavy, very sludgy. Mm-hmm. So sludgy is a good thing. I mean, I

[53:05] haven't noticed anything different about Stuart except that he doesn't rarow very

[53:09] much anymore, but I think that's just because he's trying to avoid typecasting.

[53:11] And pigeonhole. And I forget, because I'm drunk. So Dan, continue to the next one. I

[53:20] reject that letter's premise out of hand until my dead body is found. Without

[53:26] hands. Did the Russian mob kill me? Yeah. This is from James, last name with help.

[53:33] Lipton. All right, he says, if Elliot said Woods, Earl Jones, Franco, Marsden, Dean,

[53:39] or Brown, he's legally obligated to hand over Ziggy Movie Rights. Oh, wow.

[53:43] MC Ganey, coleslaw in a bag, trademark, Popeye's chicken. I forgot about MC Ganey, coleslaw in a bag.

[53:49] But he did not. No, you got to get up pretty early in the morning to guess what nickname of a real

[53:54] person I'm going to add to your first name. But James says, good day, dude. It's a good thing his

[53:58] name isn't DJ. I would have said Qualls. So easy to figure out. I've been listening to your back

[54:05] catalog for the umpteenth time. I've noticed that of all the OPs... Do you think MC Ganey and DJ

[54:09] Qualls ever play shows together? Yeah. Sorry, you were reading a letter. Of all the OPs,

[54:15] Stuart seems to have an affinity with Australian actors and films the most. I don't know about that.

[54:19] I think you all... I certainly don't. I can't tell the difference between Australia and Scotland.

[54:23] You've all... Opposite ends of the world. You've all recommended Osploitation films in the past,

[54:28] including Wake and Fright, Mad Max, Beyond Thunderdome, and the R-rated sex romp Horror

[54:33] Shocker that is Picnic and Hanging Rock. Okay, that's one per person there. I got to apologize

[54:38] for something, dudes. Yeah. I've never actually seen Wake and Fright. Oh, you like it. You like

[54:44] it a lot. I know I'd like it. I just haven't watched it yet. I think I'm going to watch it next week. Okay.

[54:49] Look, we lead busy modern lives. As long as no kangaroos get killed. I've got some bad news for you. I just love them

[54:58] roos. As long as everybody stays asleep in fright during the movie. As long as there isn't just one

[55:06] last call in the movie. One last call. Is it fair to say that Stu is the most true blue or is fair

[55:14] dinkum? Will you sell Aussie beer or tennies in your pub, Stuart? Look, I recommended Wake and Fright,

[55:20] Road Games, and Dead and Drive-In. I think... Yeah, you have... See, my problem is, I think my favorite

[55:28] movies that my brain assumes are Osploitation movies are actually Richard Stanley movies,

[55:34] and he's South African, right? Oh, is he Hardware and Blood Dust Devil? I don't know. I mean, Flat Stanley has been all over the world. Are they related? Yes, they're brothers. See, they were in the crib together, and Richard Stanley rolled over him while he was doing his Dr. Moreau impression. It's amazing that his name was already Flat.

[55:58] But here we go. I think you have reached the level of fame where a Flophouse Down Under show is now feasible, but to prepare you for this, here's some slang you might want to brush up on. So there's a quiz here. Well, I know Foster's means beer. Duna. Duna. Is it A, a duvet, B, a cigarette, C, a spookily good-bad movie, or... Yeah, that's it. I'm gonna say Donut.

[56:28] I'm gonna say a Durner Kebab. It's a duvet. A duvet. What's a duvet? It's like a comforter. Chunder. It's a blanket. Chunder. Everybody, let's stop putting on airs. Just call them blankets, okay? I mean, it's a blanket that's got stuffing inside it, but...

[56:45] Yeah, I put stuff on top of pizza. It's still a pizza. Am I right? Thank you. I put breadcrumbs inside my blanket. Chunder. Is that the kind of stuffing you use? Chunder. Cricket Bevo. Well, that's also slang. We don't know what Bevo is. House Cat Aftermath. That's B. Or C, Vomit. We all know this one. Yeah. Come on. Chunder is thunder that's laughing, like chuckling. There you go.

[57:11] You've got Buckley's. You've got Buckley's. A, no chance. B, food in your teeth. C, a clumsy tongue. You have no idea. I don't know. That's no chance. Named after Buckley's? I don't know. William F. Buckley. Plonk. I know this one. Is it A, a ripped-off ding-dong. B, cheap wine. C, open wound.

[57:39] I'm going to say it's a ding-dong.

[57:41] It's cheap wine.

[57:44] Which could lead to a ripped-off ding-dong.

[57:46] Exactly. I think I'm going to end. I think you've been seeing a movie.

[57:50] I think I'm actually going to end on this next one because it's the most delightful. Crack a fat. A, have an erection. B, get angry. C, eat like an aging French actor.

[58:03] That's called dipper doing.

[58:05] Yeah, I think that we all know that crack a fat or don'ting is to have an erection. That's pretty great.

[58:15] Okay, that sounds all right. Now, all this has made me realize that I'm not going to understand what anyone's saying if we go to Australia, but if Australians want to pay us to come there…

[58:24] Yeah, we've got some time now, I guess.

[58:27] I mean, I've got lots of time.

[58:29] Elliot's shaking his head.

[58:31] No, I'm shaking my head like, yeah, you're right.

[58:33] Look, I don't need a giant spider.

[58:35] There's a bunch of driders down there in the underdark.

[58:37] There's a reason I don't go to Monster Island or that place from Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster. I don't need a giant spider attacking me.

[58:43] What's the name of the giant spider in Lord of the Rings?

[58:46] Shelob or Ungoliant.

[58:48] There's more than one?

[58:50] There's a ton of them.

[58:52] So, this last letter for the evening is from Cassandra, last name withheld.

[58:57] Wilson.

[58:59] Whose title is, Hi, I'm drunk, have a letter.

[59:03] I'm a wee bit drunk, so naturally I decided to write a letter into your bod past.

[59:09] Oh, boy.

[59:11] For yucks or rucks. Of course, I have no idea what to actually will fire about, so I'll just ask questions of each of you.

[59:20] Dan, if I were a butt, what would you spank me with?

[59:24] I don't like this question.

[59:26] What is bitty bitty bumming and why is it something that seems reserved for someone financially well off?

[59:33] Oh, I can explain that.

[59:35] Stuart, stew balls. Oh, crap, that's not a question. Stew balls? There, that's butter. Better, what the fuck ever.

[59:43] This person is hella juco.

[59:45] I guess a spatula is what I'd spank?

[59:47] Wooden, plastic or metal?

[59:50] A metal spatula.

[59:52] It seems like it would hurt, but I guess that's the point.

[59:54] I mean, not if you hit in the fleshy part of the buttocks.

[59:56] So, bitty bitty bumming.

[59:58] It's supposed to, what, hitting the coccyx?

[1:00:00] So why would you do that?

[1:00:01] You'd get hurt really bad.

[1:00:03] Biddy biddy bumming.

[1:00:04] When he says all day long, I'd biddy biddy bum,

[1:00:06] it's just kind of like, as far as I can understand,

[1:00:09] puttering around, like not doing much of anything.

[1:00:12] And you have to be rich to do that,

[1:00:13] because otherwise, life in the shtetl is a game of survival

[1:00:17] and a fight to see another day.

[1:00:20] But as you would know from later in the song, what he would do

[1:00:23] is spend eight hours every day discussing the learned books,

[1:00:27] the holy books with the learned men.

[1:00:29] And he'd finally have a seat in the synagogue

[1:00:30] by the eastern wall.

[1:00:32] And that type of thing would be the sweetest of all.

[1:00:34] But you see, he doesn't really want to do nothing all day.

[1:00:36] He wants to become closer to his God

[1:00:38] and to the literate wisdom that has denied him

[1:00:41] because of his poverty.

[1:00:42] But Elliot, what would he do if he were a rich man?

[1:00:45] That's kind of what I just said.

[1:00:47] That's what I just said.

[1:00:50] There was another song they cut out called,

[1:00:52] If I Was Jonathan Richman.

[1:00:54] And it was like, I'd sing songs like this.

[1:00:57] Think about Pablo Picasso and Roadrunner.

[1:01:00] And driving at night, going to go to the government center

[1:01:06] with the modern lovers, if I were a Jonathan Richman.

[1:01:11] Stewart, two balls?

[1:01:14] Hey, how are you doing?

[1:01:15] All right, well, there you go.

[1:01:16] Perfect answer.

[1:01:18] You have defeated the gomzabar.

[1:01:20] Just to wrap up the letter, there you go.

[1:01:23] Sexiest letter ever.

[1:01:25] Bam, Cassandra.

[1:01:27] P.S., I'm trying to decide if I'll regret this in the morning.

[1:01:31] At least I didn't hit on you, you sexy, sexy sex muffins of you.

[1:01:35] So there you go.

[1:01:37] Yeah, at least.

[1:01:38] At least.

[1:01:40] And at most, what about the next letter?

[1:01:42] I told you that was the last letter.

[1:01:44] Oh, it's a terrible transition, Stewart.

[1:01:48] So, final judgments.

[1:01:52] Stewart's become unstuck in time like Grace Kelly.

[1:01:57] I'm a child.

[1:01:58] I'm my baby Kelly.

[1:01:59] I don't know what's going on.

[1:02:00] Someone blew up the McCray and Crystal.

[1:02:02] No, this is time for our final segment.

[1:02:07] I'm getting near to the North Pole.

[1:02:10] Where we, uh, where we recommend.

[1:02:12] Some sort of Amy Poehler Express.

[1:02:14] That's like the Poehler Express, but they're all Amy Poehler.

[1:02:17] That's terrifying.

[1:02:18] Sounds like it'd be a lot of fun.

[1:02:19] I don't know.

[1:02:22] Wait, rather than a train where everyone's Amy Poehler,

[1:02:24] you'd rather have a train with some kind of creepy Tom Hanks

[1:02:27] and Aerosmith waiting for you at the other end?

[1:02:30] Aerosmith, the comic book series?

[1:02:32] No, not Aerosmith.

[1:02:34] The fantasy series.

[1:02:35] OK.

[1:02:35] Aerosmith, the band, which is playing at the North Pole

[1:02:39] at the end of Poehler Express.

[1:02:40] Wait, really?

[1:02:40] That sounds crazy.

[1:02:41] Isn't that some of the other rocking at the top of the world?

[1:02:43] What?

[1:02:44] But they're like Elf Aerosmith.

[1:02:46] Actually, that sounds amazing.

[1:02:49] I'd be crying.

[1:02:50] Aerosmith, Elf.

[1:02:53] OK.

[1:02:54] Well, that's crazy.

[1:02:54] You know what?

[1:02:55] I wouldn't want to miss a thing.

[1:02:58] It's crazy.

[1:02:59] It's amazing.

[1:03:00] You'll be crying.

[1:03:04] Whoa.

[1:03:05] Living on the edge.

[1:03:06] Yeah.

[1:03:06] That dude looks like a lady.

[1:03:08] But he's still having love in an elevator.

[1:03:10] Now it doesn't even have any connection to a camera.

[1:03:13] Moving on up when you're going down.

[1:03:14] Yeah, all right.

[1:03:15] Sweet emotion.

[1:03:16] We all did it.

[1:03:17] Now, for the last segment of the night.

[1:03:20] Of the show.

[1:03:21] Which is where we recommend movies that we liked.

[1:03:24] The show is a podcast.

[1:03:25] Yeah, this show.

[1:03:27] This show.

[1:03:28] Not that other one.

[1:03:29] Not that 70s podcast.

[1:03:31] This is where we recommend movies

[1:03:34] that you should watch instead of Grace of Monaco.

[1:03:36] Stuart, you were fucking hell on.

[1:03:37] I'll recommend almost anything.

[1:03:38] OK.

[1:03:39] OK.

[1:03:40] So before we do the Flophouse recommends

[1:03:43] a section of this podcast.

[1:03:45] Holy shit.

[1:03:45] We're going to do a quick brief aside.

[1:03:48] We're going to step into our knee.

[1:03:51] We're going to jump.

[1:03:52] You've lost control of the wheel.

[1:03:54] Captain, so you have to go, I'm the captain now.

[1:03:57] Dog.

[1:04:00] No, so we're going to do that reoccurring segment.

[1:04:03] Flophouse in the aisles.

[1:04:04] Ellie and I went to a Broadway show this weekend.

[1:04:07] That's true, we did.

[1:04:08] We saw Hammetown.

[1:04:10] Hammetown.

[1:04:11] So Hamilton.

[1:04:12] Hamilton.

[1:04:14] Story of George Hamilton.

[1:04:15] Produced by a Max Fund supporter, Lin-Manuel Miranda.

[1:04:21] Produced, written, starring.

[1:04:22] Yeah, he did everything.

[1:04:23] He wrote the lyrics.

[1:04:24] The guy did everything.

[1:04:25] The guy did everything.

[1:04:26] I loved his earlier show in the Heights.

[1:04:28] I found Hamilton to be even a quantum leap forward

[1:04:31] from that excellent show.

[1:04:33] And it had history stuff.

[1:04:35] He loved history stuff.

[1:04:36] I love history stuff.

[1:04:37] It was kind of like.

[1:04:38] It's just called history.

[1:04:40] It had great songs, it had history,

[1:04:42] it had strong characters, it had strong emotions.

[1:04:45] As my wife said to me during intermission,

[1:04:47] I finally understand the American Revolution

[1:04:50] better than I did from school.

[1:04:51] Sure, it was a lot like Alexander Smith,

[1:04:54] the Flophouse house cat theme song creator.

[1:04:57] He described it as epic rap battles of history.

[1:05:00] And it totally is.

[1:05:02] Except not bad, that's the thing.

[1:05:04] The problem with epic rap battles of history

[1:05:06] is it's gimmickry and you're not really getting

[1:05:08] to the heart of who these people were.

[1:05:10] Hamilton is using modern musical styles.

[1:05:13] There's rap, there's R&B.

[1:05:14] There's also some more traditional musical type numbers

[1:05:18] and ballads and things.

[1:05:19] Using those to get at the feel of the lives

[1:05:23] of these characters, what it was like

[1:05:24] to live at that point in history for them.

[1:05:27] What it's like to be a young person

[1:05:28] coming into a new country and a new city and whatever

[1:05:31] and trying to make your place in history.

[1:05:33] What it's like to be starting a new enterprise

[1:05:36] that could go either way and is very risky.

[1:05:38] And in a world where violence is a stone's throw away

[1:05:42] because dueling is still something

[1:05:44] that's generally accepted in certain quarters of society.

[1:05:48] More like honor and face is so important

[1:05:50] that people will die for it, basically.

[1:05:52] Exactly.

[1:05:52] Now there were times in it where someone would be rapping

[1:05:54] and they'd be like, but the Congress doesn't think

[1:05:57] that we should pass this law.

[1:05:58] And I'd be like, okay, it's getting towards that edge

[1:06:01] where you're getting into the territory of like,

[1:06:04] you know it'll really get kids interested in history

[1:06:06] if we rap about it.

[1:06:07] But it never goes over that line.

[1:06:09] Yeah, I don't feel that.

[1:06:10] Partly because the songs are really good.

[1:06:12] I've never really had a real connection

[1:06:16] to any stage performance before,

[1:06:17] but this time, this show afterwards,

[1:06:20] both Elliot and I clearly had been crying.

[1:06:23] Yeah.

[1:06:24] Like, it clearly touched me.

[1:06:25] I mean, to say that about me says very little

[1:06:26] because I cry at a lot of movies.

[1:06:28] Commercials.

[1:06:28] Stage performances.

[1:06:29] I've cried at commercials before.

[1:06:31] Like, I cry at a lot of stuff.

[1:06:32] I went to see.

[1:06:33] You dropped that hammer on your toe.

[1:06:35] Ironically, dry as a bone.

[1:06:37] The boner that I had.

[1:06:39] I have a toe hurt fetish.

[1:06:41] No, just my own.

[1:06:42] But I think partly because I was crying at one point

[1:06:47] because it was at the end of act one,

[1:06:49] they've won this revolution against all odds

[1:06:54] and at the end of act two

[1:06:55] because their lives have reached a point of reality.

[1:06:58] But it was a very powerful and affecting show.

[1:07:03] The weirdest thing for me was how,

[1:07:05] the thing that got me was the weird connection I had

[1:07:08] emotionally between the Aaron Burr character

[1:07:10] and Gollum from the animated Return of the King movie,

[1:07:14] which I remember as a kid seeing that movie

[1:07:16] and running to my room in tears

[1:07:18] because I was so sad that this, like,

[1:07:20] desperate, poor creature had to die.

[1:07:22] That's fair.

[1:07:23] Well, and one of the things that was great about the show

[1:07:24] is that it put you into the heads of Aaron Burr

[1:07:26] and Alexander Hamilton simultaneously

[1:07:29] and you could see where both of them were coming from.

[1:07:31] Speaking for myself, as someone who has.

[1:07:33] Well, I'm really enjoying this talk

[1:07:36] between the two of you who saw this play without me.

[1:07:39] It was super great, dude.

[1:07:41] Two things.

[1:07:41] One.

[1:07:43] Thanks for really being inclusive in this discussion.

[1:07:46] One, as someone who has just finished

[1:07:48] spending a lot of time, a number of years

[1:07:50] working at the same place

[1:07:52] and for many of those years close to the guy in charge

[1:07:55] and is now embarking on a,

[1:07:59] whatever's the next stage of my career.

[1:08:01] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:08:02] There was something very touching.

[1:08:03] The golden vistas lie before you.

[1:08:05] Yeah.

[1:08:06] There was something very touching to me personally

[1:08:07] about the point in the show where Alexander Hamilton

[1:08:10] is leaving the service of George Washington

[1:08:13] and is trying to kind of figure out

[1:08:15] what he is in this world now.

[1:08:19] It's around that time that Alexander Hamilton

[1:08:20] starts cheating on his wife

[1:08:21] and that was the part where my wife turned to me

[1:08:23] and she says, I hope you don't relate

[1:08:24] to this part of the story.

[1:08:26] And I did not.

[1:08:27] And the second thing I was gonna say,

[1:08:29] I don't even remember, dude.

[1:08:30] So we can start talking about Hamilton now.

[1:08:31] I didn't bring it up.

[1:08:32] Oh, can I wake up for my nap now?

[1:08:34] Sure, so I'm gonna,

[1:08:35] now that we're done with Flophouse in the aisles,

[1:08:39] we're back to recommendations.

[1:08:41] My name's Stuart Wellington from the Flophouse podcast.

[1:08:43] I'm gonna recommend a movie set in Brooklyn, New York,

[1:08:47] starring Tom Hardy as a Brooklyn bartender

[1:08:51] called The Drop.

[1:08:53] Dark Knight Rises.

[1:08:54] It's written, it's a-

[1:08:56] It's called The Drop?

[1:08:57] Yeah, it's called The Drop.

[1:08:58] It's screenplayed by Dennis Lehane,

[1:09:00] crime maestro himself.

[1:09:03] And it is a, it's also, I think,

[1:09:06] the last performance of James Gandolfini.

[1:09:09] Yeah, I believe that is true.

[1:09:10] It is a kind of a dour, kind of grim horror,

[1:09:14] or horror, I keep confusing like crime and noir

[1:09:18] with horror for some reason.

[1:09:19] Yeah, you've got a really wide definition

[1:09:21] of what the horror movie is.

[1:09:22] I mean-

[1:09:23] What's more frightening than pervasive crime, Dan?

[1:09:25] Exactly.

[1:09:26] What's more horrifying than the corruption in the system?

[1:09:29] The fact that we're all going to die

[1:09:30] like noted actor James Gandolfini.

[1:09:34] Horrifying.

[1:09:35] When we stare at James Gandolfini,

[1:09:35] we'd stare into the abyss.

[1:09:37] So it is a-

[1:09:38] The movie, The Abyss.

[1:09:39] It is a, it is a, it is a well-

[1:09:42] It has moments.

[1:09:44] It is a well-acted, and a well,

[1:09:48] the sets are great, and the accents are

[1:09:52] kind of all over the place.

[1:09:54] And there's a gorgeous puppy dog in it,

[1:09:57] and it is a slow-moving thriller.

[1:10:00] that I felt really pays off in the end and I thought it was thought it was

[1:10:04] pretty great and for people who are worried the dogs injured at the beginning

[1:10:08] of the movie but survives the film spoiler yeah oh I remember what I was

[1:10:11] gonna say about Hamilton there's no joy as I was saying to Stewart one of the

[1:10:15] things I liked about it was that Thomas Jefferson is basically portrayed as

[1:10:19] being Andre 3000 from outcast he's this kind of like have like flamboyant happy

[1:10:24] good lucky guy who's always like bouncing around the stage and just being

[1:10:28] snide to people and I really enjoyed that characterization of him I'm gonna

[1:10:33] write to James Madison's big boy Wow in-depth like semi-modern hip-hop

[1:10:40] knowledge from yes in-depth with the most popular song and I didn't even mean

[1:10:50] big boy from outcast I meant Bob's big boy oh wow Bob's big boy in my hometown

[1:10:54] it was a czar's no I meant big boy from outcast I want to recommend the movie

[1:11:00] project NEM which I actually watched just today you mean mrs. frisbee in the

[1:11:04] rats of now yes which is a documentary that's the book with mrs. frisbee in the

[1:11:09] secret in there it's a movie mrs. frisbee in the rest of the book it's a

[1:11:15] fucking great movie but the movie I'm recommending has nothing to do with

[1:11:19] those it's called Don Bluth right yeah it is it's the blue theater was absent

[1:11:31] from the fourth season of Arrested Development the whole blue family was

[1:11:34] there's animated Don Bluth was nowhere to be found Dan continue with your

[1:11:38] movie it's called project NEM yeah it's a documentary about a scientific

[1:11:44] experiment where they took a chimp and tried to raise it as a child and teach

[1:11:49] it sign language to see if the chimp could learn language but the the

[1:11:57] scientific experiment was laughably fuzzy or at least it would be laughably

[1:12:02] fuzzy because there was a chimp involved I mean it was fuzzy it was very

[1:12:06] unscientific and it would be funny how unscientific it was if it did not lead

[1:12:11] to a bunch of sort of unintentional cruelty to this chimp who kept being

[1:12:16] sort of rested from various parental figures throughout its life and spending

[1:12:25] a lot of time in cages toward the end of its life there is a sort of happy ending

[1:12:31] if you're scared about seeing an animal get mistreated but it's kind of like the

[1:12:38] planet the new Planet of the Apes movies if there was no a part yeah but

[1:12:46] it's a really good documentary one thing that I have a bit of a reservation about

[1:12:51] is they use a lot of reenactments in it without necessarily telling you when

[1:12:56] it's a reenactment which I'm not super wild about but otherwise it's like

[1:13:01] Nixon entirely reenactment it's all apes but it's a good documentary in the Errol

[1:13:10] Morris style I didn't I'm looking up now I had never heard of it and it's

[1:13:13] directed by the same guy who made man on wire yeah I like a lot and also a theory

[1:13:17] of everything which I haven't seen yeah so that's my recommendation project men

[1:13:22] I'm gonna recommend a movie and you guys can feel free to interrupt me as I'm

[1:13:26] talking about it I'm gonna recommend a movie called obvious child and I enjoyed

[1:13:36] starring Jenny Slate directed by Jillian Robespierre not the Robespierre

[1:13:42] from the French Revolution but a different person I was assuming it was

[1:13:45] that one who makes movies and it's a movie about a woman who's a stand-up

[1:13:52] comedian whose life is a little bit of a mess and after a one-night stand she

[1:13:57] discovers herself to be pregnant and the dramatic stakes in the movie turned out

[1:14:02] to be relatively low that was fine it was the movie that I realized afterwards

[1:14:06] when I go into a Judd Apatow movie this is the movie that I want to see where I

[1:14:11] feel like it's genuinely at funny at times but it's also genuinely like like

[1:14:16] emotional at times you don't want to see dudes ever bro and down well I never

[1:14:20] want to see that ever but also the the emotions and the jokes are kind of woven

[1:14:24] together into the same fabric as opposed to just kind of like a slam next to each

[1:14:28] other whenever another it's a very sweet movie yeah and it's a very sweet kind of

[1:14:33] low-key movie and it continues low keys in it yeah low keys in it and it

[1:14:36] continues Gabby Hoffman's run as the friend who tells who finds out that her

[1:14:41] friend is pregnant as she also did in wild so I thought you're just gonna be

[1:14:45] like friend who is a weirdo let's go Gabby Hoffman is the go-to weirdo in in

[1:14:52] movies and TV right modern indie movie and TV comedy David Cross has a funny

[1:14:58] scene in it the guy who plays plop from the US offices in it he's one of the new

[1:15:07] guys he's one of the new guys yeah he's in it too all right yeah I know I

[1:15:11] plop the guy who was like the second gym yeah yeah and amateur kind is in it so

[1:15:17] be kind rewind to your local video store okay and rent obvious child I mean I

[1:15:24] walk backwards there yeah you have to talk backwards the whole time sure this

[1:15:28] sounds like I'm in a weird Harry Potter universe like a fucking Neil Gaiman

[1:15:32] novel yeah I was just sitting here wasting my time trying to think of what

[1:15:38] obvious child would be backwards you like dill litch delicious Vivo go anyway

[1:15:49] delicious Vivo yeah so three great recommendations that go great together

[1:15:56] great guys yeah watch watch them all back-to-back and tell us whether they

[1:15:59] possibly a trilogy drop project name and obvious child are playing at nowhere at

[1:16:05] the same time they're a terrible triple feature well one has a puppy one has a

[1:16:12] monkey and one has a fetus I'm assuming there you go that's the connection the

[1:16:17] three animal groups small living things

[1:16:21] it's a really really low that sounds like the title of an indie movie about a

[1:16:26] pet shop small living things or a really bad Japanese translation of the Talking

[1:16:33] Heads album little creatures but this has been the flop house it's it's that

[1:16:41] the the Japanese translations also be like stay there it's bright also and

[1:16:51] also I'm afraid of these tones yeah yeah Oh Japan your language is very different

[1:17:01] ours and yet you have no words for turtle soup call back but this is a

[1:17:08] podcast and for it I've been Dan McCoy hey guys this is a podcast and I've been

[1:17:14] Stuart Wellington look I'm not gonna tell you if it's a podcast or not you

[1:17:18] live your own life and make up your own mind but I'm Elliot Kalin

[1:17:21] goodnight everyone choose life deal with life choose goodnight in the south

[1:17:32] of man how are we checking out the levels look check our levels I'm looking

[1:17:38] at the waveforms and your levels look fantastic okay how are levels doing

[1:17:42] love wise you're not I mean I married and in love and we have a baby loves us

[1:17:49] I love him push your baby really love you or does just see you as a source of

[1:17:54] food and shelter that's love right there okay fair enough

[1:18:02] yeah it's all right he also sees me as a source of belly fart kisses that's love

[1:18:08] deep opening and yeah and I clean up his poop yeah the deep opening infant to the

[1:18:15] deep opening starring Lance Henriksen as infant Frank infant special agents

[1:18:22] undercover as oh wow I guess he's do you know he's due for a career reinvention

[1:18:27] yeah he's off making pot somewhere making pot somewhere all right so just

[1:18:35] hammering out metal pots I assume he does ceramic or is he making time with

[1:18:40] maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported

[1:18:48] welcome to the lady to lady show behind door number one we have fantastic weekly

[1:18:53] guests like Ayesha Tyler French Stewart Leta and more behind door number two we

[1:18:58] have road trip and sleepover games like would you rather and never have I ever

[1:19:02] the kind of games that remind you of being a kid door number three brings you

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Ep. #185 - Grace of Monaco

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