Ep. #186 - Guardian of the Highlands

[0:00] On this episode of the podcast, we watched Guardian of the Highlands.

[0:05] Starring Chris Pratt.

[0:08] No.

[0:08] And the Owls of G'huul.

[0:10] Oh boy.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:41] Did you become Dracula at the end of that?

[0:43] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:45] And I'm Dracula.

[0:48] That's the count.

[0:50] Okay, and I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:53] I am Ellie Kaelin, and I'm appalled by your lack of vampire identification skills.

[0:59] Uh, we haven't been together for a while, so if we seem a little rusty, that's why.

[1:03] It's been a longer than usual time between tapings.

[1:05] Yeah, I was out of town for a while.

[1:07] Uh, Stuart, you were in the space program for a little bit.

[1:10] So you've actually aged far less than us in that time.

[1:13] We're old men now, but you're still a baby.

[1:15] Yep, I went through one of those black holes.

[1:17] Disney's the black holes.

[1:19] You ended up in hell, right?

[1:21] I went directly into hell.

[1:22] You went through the event horizon into sunshine.

[1:25] I didn't need my eyes, so I just threw them out the window, carved a bunch of runes on my skin.

[1:30] Meanwhile, I was in jail, wrongfully accused of murdering Stuart, who was missing all that time.

[1:36] Yeah, but I'm glad that Stuart arrived.

[1:37] But it was an Earthbound jail, so no space jail jokes.

[1:40] Yeah, but Stuart arrived just in time to clear your name as you were being sentenced to death by blowjob.

[1:46] One of the better ways to go.

[1:51] So, this is a podcast where we watch a bad movie.

[1:55] And then we talk about it.

[1:56] And then we talk about it.

[1:57] And then what do we do?

[1:58] And then we go home.

[1:59] But then what?

[2:00] I'm probably going to go to bed.

[2:04] And then?

[2:05] And I'll wake up.

[2:06] And then?

[2:06] And go to work.

[2:07] And then?

[2:07] After a few days.

[2:10] Life continues.

[2:10] At some point, people listen to it.

[2:13] Yeah.

[2:14] And then they tell us what we got wrong.

[2:16] Your own child is not even at this point where they can be this irritating to you.

[2:20] I'm practicing.

[2:20] Oh, I get it.

[2:21] And you are wrong.

[2:22] At times he can be very irritating.

[2:23] So Sammy, grown-up Sammy, I hope you enjoyed that insight into what you did to your father.

[2:31] By the time Sammy grows up, there's going to be some kind of EMP event and all electronic media will have been erased.

[2:36] He'll just be living based off what the Sacred Scrolls say.

[2:40] The Sacred Scrolls will actually be old comic books.

[2:42] Oh, it's a real cataclysm for Leibowitz situation then.

[2:47] Yeah, yeah, it's a comical for Leibowitz.

[2:49] Also the name of my Israel comedy benefit, comical for Leibowitz.

[2:53] We're raising money for, well, Leibowitz is, he's not doing so well.

[2:59] So we're raising some money for him in his hometown of Leibowitzville.

[3:03] So, oh God.

[3:06] What do we do on this podcast?

[3:07] Oh yeah, we talked about that already.

[3:08] And then what did we do?

[3:09] Also, this is one of the best loved months in the Flophouse calendar.

[3:16] I don't even think it's the third best loved month.

[3:18] Crack open your advent calendar.

[3:19] It's small timber.

[3:20] Dig into small timber and out pops.

[3:23] The smallest candy of the year.

[3:25] Where we watch movies.

[3:27] Small-vember.

[3:28] It's small-vember.

[3:29] All right.

[3:29] We watch movies that are smaller than movies that we normally watch.

[3:33] In size, no.

[3:34] Well, this one.

[3:35] Yeah, this was a short movie.

[3:36] It's 76 minutes.

[3:37] That's true.

[3:38] And we watch it on a phone.

[3:39] Yeah.

[3:41] Which was projected.

[3:43] Small movie, big action is what it said.

[3:45] It was projected on a thimble.

[3:47] By a tiny louse who was the projectionist.

[3:51] I tried that louse.

[3:54] And then he betrayed you.

[3:56] Yeah.

[3:57] His name was Klaus.

[3:58] Klaus the louse and Dan McCoy in Betrayal.

[4:03] Rated R, 13.

[4:07] Yeah.

[4:07] That's something cute taking a weird and disgusting term, much like Guardians of the Highlands.

[4:14] Yeah, well, tell us a little bit about this movie.

[4:15] That is a great segue.

[4:16] What made you want to choose it for Smallvember when we look at lower budget films that are maybe a little smaller and more indie than we usually look at?

[4:22] And this one stars a huge star.

[4:24] I'm talking about Sir Alan Cumming.

[4:26] Alan Cumming is not a knight, as far as I know.

[4:29] He hasn't been knighted for being Nightcrawler?

[4:32] No.

[4:33] That would be ironic.

[4:34] They would give a great headline, which is either Nightcrawler Knighted or just K. Nightcrawler.

[4:40] That would be the New York Post headline if they bothered to cover it.

[4:45] The post is covering the knighting, the honorable titles of Great Britain.

[4:54] Well, here's the thing.

[4:55] It stars an actual knight, Sir Sean Connery, as he is billed on the poster and in the credits, Sir Sean Connery.

[5:03] Wait, you saw a poster for this movie?

[5:06] Well, I mean in the menu online for it.

[5:08] How else are you going to know who the guy is without his title?

[5:11] He's just some dude named Sean Connery.

[5:12] There's no one famous named that.

[5:14] Only Sir Sean Connery is famous.

[5:16] Although if anyone finds a poster for this movie, you should mail it to the Flop House.

[5:20] Because we want it.

[5:21] And Alan Cumming is in the movie.

[5:23] And otherwise it's a lot of Scottish people.

[5:24] Playing a gay goat.

[5:25] Well.

[5:26] No, that's the thing.

[5:27] He's not gay so much as he's just sassy.

[5:29] And he's not a goat so much as a weird goat man hybrid.

[5:32] He has human hands and he walks on his hind legs.

[5:35] And he wears a little Bruce Lee suit.

[5:36] As Stuart mentioned while we were watching it,

[5:39] he's uh it's like it's like some kind of satyr or or pan type sure and you expect him to just

[5:45] like start raping wood nymphs at any moment but he doesn't no i mean we don't see any wood nymphs so

[5:50] we don't know whether if you saw one that's a good point it might happen and i don't know it's a good

[5:53] point you have to assume he's doing it off camera using the animation style of this movie the design

[5:58] scheme i have no idea how to recognize what a wood nymph looks like i'll tell you how because

[6:03] this was an animated movie the animation is uh what demo level yeah like it's and uh and explain

[6:11] that uh it looks like the animation that comes with the program the software it's somewhere

[6:16] slightly above food food fight and slightly below that dire straits video

[6:20] i mean which again for the time was cutting edge now it's dated and uh but you would know that it's

[6:27] a wood nymph because like most of the women in the movie they would have enormous bouncing breasts

[6:32] that are commented upon later on in the film

[6:35] and are constantly in motion as the characters walk.

[6:38] I've been playing a lot of this computer game

[6:39] called Mount Your Friends

[6:41] where men in tiny little swimwear

[6:45] basically climb each other.

[6:46] And the most notable thing about the game

[6:48] is that it has physics effects on big floppy penises.

[6:52] And I feel like you can get the same result

[6:54] by watching Guardian of the Highlands.

[6:57] The flopping of the bosoms.

[6:59] Somebody was working on the –

[7:01] The floppiest bosoms in the biz.

[7:02] It's a raves Dan McCoy.

[7:04] About, I don't know, the Crazy Horse Cabaret.

[7:09] About a children's movie.

[7:11] Somebody was working just on the mathematics for the physics model of how the boobs would bounce whenever these characters walked around.

[7:21] But, Dan, what's this movie about?

[7:24] Maybe we should talk about that.

[7:25] Because what it's about is saving Scotland's life forms.

[7:29] life forms yeah saving scotland's fauna from big government i think the fact that the normally

[7:38] articulate elliot so the movie opens tongue-tied shows how

[7:43] this movie challenge threw me for a loop well it's a it's you know a brisk 76 minutes and yet

[7:52] And the first ten minutes are all James Bond-themed opening credits.

[7:58] Yeah, they somehow managed to pack more and less plot into this movie

[8:02] at the same time than many other movies that we've seen.

[8:05] But yeah, let's go through it.

[8:07] So it starts with some James Bond-style opening credits because, of course...

[8:10] Sung by Shirley Bassey.

[8:11] Dame Shirley Bassey.

[8:12] Dame Shirley Bassey, who sang the Goldfinger.

[8:15] Yeah, the...

[8:16] That's why all the weird people were gold.

[8:20] That's how the original song went.

[8:21] That gold, gold finger

[8:23] What a dead ringer

[8:26] Watch out for his stinger

[8:30] That gold, gold finger

[8:31] They said, Dame Shirley, you're not a dame yet

[8:34] We love that you're singing it

[8:37] But we don't love the sound of it

[8:39] And she was like, but I haven't even gotten to the rap breakdown part

[8:43] They said, we don't know what that is

[8:44] It's the early 60s

[8:45] We like that it's about gold

[8:48] because it was a bunch of what you what gnomes or dwarves that were doing this we like okay

[8:56] as mythological creatures who collect gold we like that the song is about gold as rumple stiltzkin

[9:02] i love that it's about gold as the executive producer of the film smog the dragon i love

[9:07] that gold is the main topic here's my other problem though that uh it doesn't really get

[9:12] across the tone we're going for which is more of sexy intrigue or really mention what goldfinger

[9:17] does uh he's not actually gold and she's like you've got to show me this movie before i can

[9:22] write a song about it all you did was so it was tell me the title i'm not ray parker jr i'm not

[9:27] a genius and they were like who's that and she goes trust me i'm from the future you're gonna

[9:31] like what you get yeah uh anyway so there's this huge style there's a period of time where ray

[9:38] parker jr wrote every single movie theme right well all i know about is ghostbusters but he

[9:42] went by the name kenny loggins yeah do you think it's weird also kenny loggins uh login it's totally

[9:53] his login name is kenny and his password is login not logins that'd be too easy

[10:02] here's the thing about kenny loggins one you move the s and that's a sentence kenny loggins

[10:08] he's just out there

[10:11] logging

[10:11] yeah

[10:12] so to continue

[10:13] the movie starts

[10:13] with this James Bond

[10:14] title parody

[10:15] which includes

[10:17] the female characters

[10:18] from the movie

[10:19] and the goat characters

[10:20] from the movie

[10:20] all walking around

[10:21] sexy

[10:22] in silhouette

[10:22] like you would

[10:24] in a James Bond

[10:25] opening from the 60s

[10:26] or the 70s

[10:27] or the 80s

[10:28] I guess

[10:28] or the 90s

[10:29] yeah

[10:29] they went back to it

[10:31] yeah

[10:31] for a while

[10:31] they like

[10:32] I guess for a while

[10:33] they didn't

[10:33] for the Pierce Brosnan

[10:34] ones

[10:34] yeah

[10:34] when they were

[10:35] very like

[10:36] Consciously being like

[10:38] Oh, Bond is a sexist relic

[10:41] So we don't do the sexist opening credits

[10:43] And now they're like

[10:44] Oh, the sexist opening credits are a kitschy throwback

[10:47] Yeah, like when they had all those nude women

[10:48] Using sledgehammers to smash hammer and sickles

[10:50] Is that what happened?

[10:52] That was either in Goldeneye

[10:54] That was in Goldeneye, wasn't it?

[10:55] I think he's right, but I could be totally wrong

[10:57] Right in when you find out that we're wrong

[10:59] But anyway, so

[11:00] That's the opening credits

[11:02] Let's stop talking about that

[11:04] And move on to the movie

[11:05] which opens with a night flyover shot of the highlands of scotland beautiful breathtaking

[11:10] oh they really captured the sheer majesty and beauty of it billy connelly from head of the

[11:15] class is talking to us about something i don't know for sure it's billy connelly it sounds like

[11:19] he's having a stroke it sure sounds like billy connelly is in a hospital bed and his surgery

[11:25] is being done on him and they rush the tape recorder in that's right and this is the dream

[11:29] That he had before he died.

[11:30] They're like, we need to record this.

[11:33] This movie would make so much more sense.

[11:35] It was revealed at the end that Billy Connolly was dreaming at his last moment before the sweet release of death.

[11:42] It says, Sir Billy Connolly passed away moments later.

[11:45] And the audience leaves the theater thinking, was he a sir?

[11:51] I don't remember.

[11:51] There's a voiceover talking about how, oh, back in the Highlands, they had a great time.

[11:57] Lots of adventures.

[11:59] They wore something out.

[12:00] It's not very clear.

[12:00] We never hear this voice again.

[12:02] Yeah.

[12:03] And I don't remember what...

[12:04] I'm not sure what character it's supposed to be.

[12:05] I assume it's supposed to be Billy, the veterinarian's grandson, reflecting back, but I'm not sure.

[12:11] Doesn't matter.

[12:12] Later on in the movie...

[12:12] Wait, his son's name is Billy, too?

[12:14] His grandson's name?

[12:15] Billy, too.

[12:16] The second Billy.

[12:16] That makes sense.

[12:18] That's how people name people, right?

[12:19] Could be William II, but that's...

[12:22] But I'm not sure who the character's name is.

[12:24] I know Billy was the name of...

[12:26] Sean Connery's character.

[12:27] Sir Sean Connery.

[12:28] Sir Billy.

[12:28] Thank you.

[12:29] Sir Billy, which is what Billy Crystal is called.

[12:32] By who?

[12:33] In my heart, he is.

[12:34] 700 Sundays of Laughs.

[12:37] No, it's a sad show.

[12:39] What?

[12:40] It's about his relationship with his father.

[12:42] I don't know.

[12:42] Mr. Saturday Night of Laughs.

[12:46] 700 Sontags.

[12:48] His story about when he cloned Susan Sontag.

[12:52] A terrifying dystopian nightmare.

[12:55] Oh, yeah.

[12:55] They're always talking about illness as a metaphor.

[12:59] But anyway, so suddenly it's a night.

[13:03] We're flashed back, I guess, after that voiceover.

[13:05] Forget it.

[13:06] It doesn't matter.

[13:07] Scotland, after the European Union, I guess, tried to get them to reintroduce beavers to their natural habitats after the beavers were wiped out 400 years before is what they say.

[13:18] The police are rounding up those beavers to send them away in orange Guantanamo jumpsuits because Scotland has come to its senses and it will not be reintroducing beavers.

[13:28] And these two policemen could not be happier about it.

[13:31] They hate beavers and they refer to smelly beavers and I think damp beavers or something.

[13:37] Yeah, it's hard to tell whether like the repeated saying like I'm going to get that smelly beaver is a intentional joke or whether they just are Scottish and don't understand.

[13:49] Is this a National Lampoon's Disco Beaver from Outer Space scenario or is this just like, that's not a word that they use there.

[13:54] Scottish listeners, write it.

[13:56] Yeah, is it like Fanny?

[13:57] Yeah.

[13:58] Fanny means something different there, is what it means here.

[14:01] Fanny means, what, like a type of pie?

[14:02] Yeah, it means like a type of pie.

[14:04] But it does stuff full of beaver meat.

[14:06] The weird thing is, vagina means penis over there.

[14:09] That's crazy.

[14:10] And penis means soda pop.

[14:12] It's like dog tooth.

[14:12] It's a real dog tooth situation.

[14:16] But the crazy Javert-like character is like, oh, I'm going to slam that beaver so hard.

[14:21] I'm going to slam that beaver so hard and long when I get it.

[14:24] It never quite gets to that point.

[14:26] I've got something hard for that beaver.

[14:28] A hard sentence in jail.

[14:29] But it never quite gets that much.

[14:31] But these two policemen, they hate beavers.

[14:33] They throw them in a truck.

[14:34] They're driving down a perilous mountain passage.

[14:37] Sure.

[14:38] And an overweight rabbit in a pink jumpsuit appears seemingly out of nowhere as it materialized by the plot gods.

[14:46] And the truck driver, who wasn't paying attention, he sees the rabbit and swerves.

[14:50] He has some kind of a candy bar emergency.

[14:53] Yeah, he's trying to get a candy bar out of a wrapper,

[14:55] and it's really not since Will Arnett crashed a truck

[14:59] because he was looking at Megan Fox's butt in Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

[15:02] as the character had a dumber reason for crashing a truck.

[15:05] But the truck crashes, all the beavers, their crates fall out the back,

[15:09] almost all of them are killed.

[15:11] And we know that for sure because the police officer goes down

[15:14] and picks up a dead body and throws it into a crate.

[15:17] This is the first indication that this is going to be the saddest animated movie.

[15:23] There were times in this movie, yeah, we were talking about it was like someone tried to outdo Grave of the Fireflies.

[15:28] Plague Dogs.

[15:29] The Plague Dogs.

[15:30] Watership Down.

[15:31] Or like, is it Where the Wind Blows or When the Wind Blows?

[15:35] Yeah, When the Wind Blows.

[15:35] When the Wind Blows.

[15:36] The Raymond Briggs nuclear movie, the British movie about the elderly couple who die.

[15:43] Oh, my God.

[15:44] That's like a nuclear version of The Snowman where that fucking snowman gets built, hangs out with the kid, and then he just melts.

[15:52] I think it's the same author.

[15:53] Same guy.

[15:53] Yeah.

[15:54] Sad as shit, dude.

[15:55] He was all about teaching kids about death.

[15:57] Yeah.

[15:57] So there were times in the movie where I'm like,

[16:01] can't I just watch an old British couple have their teeth fall out from radiation

[16:04] and get slowly weaker because of the mistakes made by the state?

[16:08] But not the comedy group, the state.

[16:10] The biggest mistake, of course, signing with CBS.

[16:13] It turned out for them in the end.

[16:16] Most of them.

[16:17] I mean, in that many of them were so talented they had other careers.

[16:20] Yeah, there you go.

[16:22] michael showalter looks great sure i don't know am i supposed to i don't endorse stewart's

[16:30] sarcastic i'm gonna stay out of it uh so here's what happens one beaver escapes her name is bessie

[16:39] boo or something like that yeah because when you think when you think bessie what animal do you

[16:44] think a beaver of course not a cow the only animal named bessie but whatever that beaver escapes and

[16:51] is taken into refuge by the rabbit who caused the accident.

[16:54] Flash forward, what, like five years or something?

[16:58] Yeah, at least.

[16:59] And there's probably 100 years.

[17:02] There's like a digital readout on the screen that says, like,

[17:05] all of the beavers were taken out of the country,

[17:08] but one beaver still remains being tracked.

[17:10] But also it's like 10.08 a.m., like beaver time or something like that.

[17:14] Yeah, there's enough facts to make it out like this is a real thing that happened.

[17:19] And kids will get confused.

[17:21] They'll wonder if this is a true story.

[17:23] Of course it is.

[17:24] This declassified information finally came out.

[17:26] Edward Snowden found it.

[17:28] Project Beaver Book was finally released by WikiLeaks.

[17:31] And it turns out it was this story.

[17:33] So we're in the town of something or other.

[17:36] I can't remember the name of the town.

[17:37] And this movie has no Wikipedia entry, so I can't look it up.

[17:39] And it's a little village in the highlands of Scotland.

[17:42] Small Timber, indeed.

[17:43] Small Vember.

[17:45] It's called Small Vember September by me.

[17:49] You can call it small timber if you want.

[17:51] I'm sorry, Dan.

[17:51] I'm being a little too harsh.

[17:52] Oh, it's fine.

[17:53] It's a small wonder that you put up with me.

[17:55] Elliot reached out and tenderly touched the back of my hand for the listeners at home.

[18:00] With my fingers.

[18:00] And now he's unbuttoning his pants.

[18:02] Elliot!

[18:02] I use a button fly.

[18:04] Is that what shocked you?

[18:05] Yes.

[18:05] Yeah, yeah.

[18:06] I find a zipper fly much more...

[18:09] Oh, I'm wearing one myself.

[18:10] A button fly?

[18:10] Yeah.

[18:11] It's not very convenient.

[18:12] What are those like?

[18:12] Are those...

[18:13] It's incredibly inconvenient.

[18:14] If you have to pee, I do not recommend this.

[18:17] I might have to pee in five minutes.

[18:19] Let me get started.

[18:19] Are those Bugle Boy jeans you're wearing, Dan?

[18:21] I mean, they're covered in dust from Bugles.

[18:26] Oh, good.

[18:27] With your British Knights sneakers?

[18:28] Yeah.

[18:29] Speaking of British Knights, or Scottish Knights, rather, Sean Connery's in this movie.

[18:33] But we haven't gotten to him yet.

[18:35] Scottish Knights sounds like their version of silk stockings.

[18:39] It's like a sexy man and woman both wearing kilts.

[18:43] I mean, for the woman, it's just a skirt.

[18:45] Yeah.

[18:47] It wouldn't be on the USA, because that's American shows.

[18:52] I mean, characters are welcome there.

[18:55] On Scottish nights, there's no characters.

[18:57] Back then, characters were not welcome.

[18:59] We've got another dead body.

[19:01] Another one killed with too much sex.

[19:04] Anyway.

[19:05] Don't have the sex factory.

[19:07] No, I never saw Silk Stockings, so I assume that was every episode was somebody killed with sex.

[19:11] Oh, definitely.

[19:11] That's why.

[19:12] What about Pacific Blue?

[19:14] Or like at the sexy saxophone music store.

[19:18] Somebody was murdered with a sexy saxophone.

[19:22] It was found under this nightlight, this lamppost.

[19:27] That's right.

[19:33] They were found nude with sparks flying around them.

[19:36] The only evidence is this discarded trench coat.

[19:40] It never rains around here, but it's always kind of damp in the air.

[19:44] everyone's always a little sweaty

[19:45] anyway

[19:48] so silk stockings

[19:51] I guess it's on DVD go check it out

[19:53] on blu-ray

[19:54] so that beaver escaped

[19:57] flash forward to

[19:59] this village where

[20:00] I'm trying to remember which of the things that does

[20:03] we're introduced to a flying duck character

[20:05] that's right who is the new narrator

[20:07] as this

[20:09] southern from US south

[20:11] you know like from this

[20:12] Yeah, a lady launch pad.

[20:14] Yeah, kind of lady launch pad-ess, launch packs.

[20:18] She's a duck who's flying a plane who turns the camera and explains to us that she took a wrong turn or somebody gave her wrong directions and she's in Scotland when she's supposed to be in Florida enjoying her vacation.

[20:29] She talks about this for a while.

[20:31] She's super sassy, but she already knows everyone in town.

[20:35] Like, she's made this mistake before.

[20:36] Her name's Vicky.

[20:37] She's a duck.

[20:38] And this is when my son, who loves ducks, would love this movie, but not the parts where she's not in it.

[20:45] He wouldn't like that.

[20:45] Now, does he love ducks enough that he's now...

[20:49] That he wrote a screenplay called Must Love Ducks?

[20:50] Yes.

[20:51] I'm just amazed.

[20:52] John Cusack is attached to not star in it.

[20:54] Now, I just wonder at what point children are able to recognize, like, oh, that thing on the screen that looks like a cartoon duck is a duck.

[21:04] Oh, certainly, yeah.

[21:04] Yeah, he's 20 months old, so he can recognize...

[21:07] If you show him an illustration of a duck, he knows it's a duck.

[21:09] Yeah, so if you put like, I don't know, like a fake bill on and stuck like some feather, like a feather duster on your butt.

[21:15] And then tried to seduce Elmer Fudd.

[21:17] It was sort of a horrible hop frog situation.

[21:20] Wait, so why am I covered in tar and burning at the end of this role play I'm doing with my son?

[21:28] Because your wife has mistaken you for some sort of horrible interloper.

[21:33] I see, that makes sense.

[21:34] It's like the costume that Fox Robin Hood wears when he dresses up like a stork.

[21:38] Yeah, that guy is a fox.

[21:39] Yeah.

[21:40] I mean.

[21:41] I mean, those were like, we can agree that that's where furries came from, right?

[21:45] Yeah.

[21:45] Like, that's the cutest and the most handsome, like, animated animals.

[21:50] I think it was after they did that movie that Disney was like, we got to back the fuck up.

[21:53] We went too far.

[21:55] Robin Hood and Maid Marian are too sexy.

[21:57] We're going to screw up a lot of kids.

[22:01] From now on, we're just doing movies like Home on the Range, where the animals are not sexy at all.

[22:05] We have anthropomorphized them too much.

[22:08] If we're doing any sexy characters, they better be human beings or at least human from the waist up with like a fish's tail underneath.

[22:15] Because that's sexier than human legs.

[22:16] Am I right, guys?

[22:17] Guys, where are you going?

[22:19] I'm Michael Eisner.

[22:20] You can't just walk out of my office.

[22:22] Mermaids are sexier than people.

[22:24] Yeah, that's what happened to Michael Eisner.

[22:26] Yeah.

[22:26] That's how he got ousted.

[22:28] That's when Don Bluth got banished to Balto Land.

[22:31] To Balto Land.

[22:33] Well, the problem was he kept pushing that Pebble and the Penguin script on everybody,

[22:37] and they just couldn't take it anymore.

[22:38] My brother always pointed out that the distinguishing characteristic of a Don Bluth animated character

[22:43] was the amount that the butts would waggle.

[22:46] Just like a lot of butt waggling.

[22:49] I've never noticed that.

[22:50] That's true.

[22:50] That's a family trait of the McCoys, I guess.

[22:52] That Don DeLuise cat in an American tale really goes crazy with his butt.

[22:56] Yeah.

[22:56] That was Don Bluth, right?

[22:58] Yeah, that is Don Bluth.

[22:59] He had a story.

[23:00] He had an interest in Jewish tales.

[23:02] Really?

[23:03] Well, American tale.

[23:04] No, sure.

[23:05] I mean, I just didn't know that beyond that there was other.

[23:08] Well, that Gnome Man Gnome or the Troll in Central Park or whatever, probably.

[23:11] You assume.

[23:11] And it's like how you can date a certain period for Chuck Jones' work when all the characters got those stupid fucking eyelashes.

[23:20] Oh, man.

[23:20] And they all look.

[23:21] Yeah, got wrinkled around their faces whenever they moved any muscle in their face.

[23:25] It's like Chuck Jones made these brilliant cartoons for Warner Brothers and didn't get rich off them.

[23:29] And then saw that Walt Disney got rich with cute characters and he was like, well, fuck you, America.

[23:33] I'll give you the cutest fucking characters ever.

[23:35] Everyone's going to have fucking doe eyes.

[23:37] And that worked precisely once, which is The Grinch Who Stole Christmas.

[23:42] Yeah, that's true.

[23:42] There it looks good.

[23:44] They never caught the guy.

[23:44] No.

[23:46] Christmas remains missing to this day.

[23:48] Every now and then they'll dig up the Meadowlands to see if the body was buried there of Christmas.

[23:54] What have I been celebrating all these years?

[23:56] What you've been celebrating is actually Crustmas,

[23:58] which is a substitute created by the U.S. government to replace Christmas.

[24:01] Oh.

[24:02] What did they teach you in AP U.S. history?

[24:04] Still tastes pretty good.

[24:06] You were in AP U.S. history?

[24:07] Yep.

[24:08] All penis.

[24:09] It was all the history of Lyndon Johnson, Andrew Johnson.

[24:14] Yeah.

[24:16] John Thomas Jefferson.

[24:19] Sure.

[24:20] Wood Row Wilson.

[24:23] Warren G. Harding.

[24:25] Okay.

[24:25] Warren G. Hardon, I guess I should have just said.

[24:27] Abraham Lincoln Log.

[24:30] Yeah, I'm not going to be able to add anything to this.

[24:31] Michael Moorcock.

[24:32] That's not a president.

[24:34] He's an English writer of books that sound better in description than when you read them.

[24:40] That's what he does.

[24:42] Anyway.

[24:43] Dick Nixon.

[24:45] Yeah, okay.

[24:47] We're still doing this, I guess.

[24:49] I guess if you're going to pick up the moldy peaches that fell off the tree, sure.

[24:51] Go ahead.

[24:53] anyway so we were like we're like eight minutes into this movie so this duck is flying around

[25:00] and she narrates we leave the duck and we see this town where there's some kids who deliver

[25:05] milk by hurling cartons of it at people's stomachs through their windows that never

[25:09] comes up again yeah then we're introduced to a big bosomed new yorker who lives in this little

[25:15] town who wants to buy cakes from some kind of pie some kind of ones from the store and she's yeah

[25:21] She says, save me three fat ones with a PH, and then rides away on her American flag moped.

[25:26] She comes up later.

[25:28] So does the other guy, but barely.

[25:29] Then we're introduced to the hero of the film, Sir Billy, a veterinarian, I guess, who is stylishly clad in overalls, a yellow shirt, and a yellow tie.

[25:41] The yellow tie that's tucked into the overall.

[25:43] Texture, his tie and shirt are the exact same material, I guess.

[25:47] I mean, he got them made from the same place.

[25:50] He must have bought a bolt of fabric and he just decided to make a whole outfit out of it.

[25:53] How expensive would it have been to change the color of one of those two things?

[25:58] Do they just have a ton of extra yellow, I don't know, computer ink?

[26:03] What are they doing?

[26:04] That extra $10 would have broken the bank of his movie.

[26:07] Yeah.

[26:07] And he has a mustache which appears to be a length of PVC tubing that he has stuck under his nose.

[26:16] Except it, like, moves when his lips move in a weird, that follows the curvature of his lips in a way that mustaches don't work.

[26:22] Yeah, it's a little steel woolly.

[26:25] It's like the boobs.

[26:26] It's one of those weird instances where it's like, no, no, no, put less effort into the animation here.

[26:30] That doesn't need to move as much as it's actually moving.

[26:33] It would look realer if it moved less.

[26:35] But anyway, he has this goat man sidekick, played by Alan Cumming, who seems to, much like Ren in Ren and Stimpy cartoons, change size from scene to scene.

[26:44] Like how Ren would be the size of Stimpy, but then he'd get to a point where he could fit inside Stimpy's mouth.

[26:48] Yeah.

[26:49] Now, an interesting...

[26:50] Did we cover that he's dressed like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill?

[26:52] No, you mentioned it was a Bruce Lee outfit.

[26:55] Yeah, with little driving gloves.

[26:56] He's dressed like Uma Thurman in Kill Bill.

[26:58] I think that's a reference for people.

[26:59] And it's an interesting design choice that his horns, unlike an actual animal's horns,

[27:03] which go from light toward the skull to dark toward the tips, go from light to green for some reason.

[27:10] I didn't know that, Stuart.

[27:11] Maybe that represents that he is the forest spirit.

[27:14] Stuart has his animal husbandry bag.

[27:16] You married an animal?

[27:18] I did.

[27:18] You're the husband of an animal?

[27:20] That's a sitcom.

[27:21] I married an animal.

[27:22] It's him in jail.

[27:25] It's not legal.

[27:28] But what if it was?

[27:31] So marrying a fucking genie is legal?

[27:34] Nobody knows she's a genie.

[27:37] See, that's the thing.

[27:38] Maybe nobody knows it's an animal.

[27:39] Nobody knows Samantha's a witch.

[27:41] So you dress up the animal in clothes?

[27:42] Why not?

[27:43] My boss is coming over for dinner tonight.

[27:45] Honey, don't forget to wear your human latex mask.

[27:48] Dude, Alf walks around and he's an alien.

[27:50] Nobody does anything.

[27:51] He delivers a baby at one point.

[27:54] Urkel is a nerd.

[27:56] I'm still a person.

[27:58] No, you got me there.

[28:01] Urkel doesn't hide himself.

[28:02] Yeah.

[28:03] Although I will say this.

[28:05] Everyone in that show is great.

[28:06] The nerd pogrom wiped out all the nerds, Mr. Urkel.

[28:10] They are so unimpressed by the fact that a robot is walking around when he makes Urkelbot.

[28:15] Everyone's just like, wow, you made a robot.

[28:18] Okay, this doesn't change anything.

[28:19] They're just more annoyed that Urkel shows up.

[28:22] So he is a veterinarian, and he also has a grandson.

[28:28] He also rides a skateboard, which is talked about a couple times, but we don't see it until the climax.

[28:33] When he is popping some ollies and gleaming some cubes.

[28:38] They say in Scotland.

[28:39] We roll out skateboards as a kid.

[28:40] Hockin' some gaga gorgogans.

[28:42] So we're introduced to his grandson, who's this Jimmy Neutron type fellow.

[28:46] He looks very Jimmy Neutron-y.

[28:48] And we're introduced to him.

[28:49] He's got a very Wallace and Gromit style Rube Goldberg device that somehow moves a table and opens.

[28:56] Can we apologize to the creators of Wallace and Gromit for you making that comparison?

[29:00] Sorry, Nick Park.

[29:01] And all of Artman.

[29:02] Sorry, I jumped on you.

[29:04] No, no, no, no.

[29:05] I have nothing to say other than to also.

[29:08] identify who was responsible for Walt.

[29:10] I gotta say, talking about animation that holds

[29:12] up, Wrong Trousers

[29:14] holds up pretty well. Actually, no.

[29:16] Extremely well. Grand Day Out?

[29:18] It holds up okay. Not a lot

[29:20] of plot in that. Is that the one with the cheese?

[29:22] That's the one where they go to the moon for cheese. They all have

[29:24] cheese in them. Yeah, that penguin

[29:26] in

[29:27] Wrong Trousers is

[29:29] amazing. It's a

[29:32] master class in doing more with less.

[29:34] He may be my favorite movie villain

[29:36] of all time. Just blinking.

[29:38] just blinking and and just looking at things but he's so sinister and when he puts on that red

[29:44] rubber glove on his head and just pull he just runs his hands through the fingers like their

[29:48] hair and it flops back into place oh scary we should watch that tonight guys almost we still

[29:54] can it's like five minutes long right it was like half hour almost as scary as the rabbit boy that

[29:59] we see later on uh we'll get to him so sean connery is a veterinarian so he's going to take

[30:04] his grandson to school that doesn't happen because adventure intervenes the grandson has this

[30:09] elaborate trap door contraption that he uses to bedevil his mom and his butler because he's rich

[30:15] that that kid's his technological or know-how never brought up again yeah i think this kid is set up

[30:22] i don't know if you're if you're reading this movie well you're doing it wrong you're watching

[30:27] it it's not a book if you're reading it like someone who has watched a movie before i feel

[30:31] like you're set up to believe that this child

[30:33] is going to be one of the major heroes

[30:35] of the film, because you're like, alright.

[30:37] He's rascally. He's got

[30:39] science knowledge.

[30:41] He's going to do something later on.

[30:43] That's a big introduction. He does

[30:45] shit all.

[30:47] He does nothing.

[30:48] Much of Dan's happiness is joy.

[30:52] I took an immediate dislike

[30:53] to this child. I've never seen you

[30:55] hate a character so quickly.

[30:57] It just reminded me of...

[30:59] Who can hate a child?

[31:00] There are some terrible...

[31:01] Who can hate a child?

[31:04] It just reminded me of bratty kids that I have known.

[31:08] Bratty kids that I have known.

[31:09] That invent stuff.

[31:10] Bedevil butlers.

[31:11] Yeah, exactly.

[31:12] Bedevil butlers.

[31:14] The butler is so bedeviled that he is about to cut the kid's head off with a sword before the mom intervenes.

[31:19] Again, which would have continued this movie as kind of...

[31:25] What's the word I'm thinking of?

[31:27] kind of relaxed attitude towards death.

[31:30] It comes up surprisingly.

[31:32] It's part of life, Elliot.

[31:33] Yeah.

[31:34] That's what this movie teaches us.

[31:36] The other side of the coin.

[31:36] But a shattery reflection.

[31:39] I started to wonder,

[31:42] is this the movie adaptation of a TV show

[31:44] where each of these characters are like well-known characters?

[31:47] So, of course, they're going to get like big introductions,

[31:49] even though they don't play a big part in the movie.

[31:52] But I don't think so.

[31:52] Like the Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai?

[31:54] I mean, that's not really based on anything.

[31:57] kind of wait there wasn't a tv show uh not really it's kind of done as if there was some

[32:02] oh okay but like the way like if there was a seinfeld movie and kramer did not play a major

[32:09] part in it which would be crazy okay with even the scene i mean it would be tough nowadays that's

[32:14] true let's say it was made in like 1998 and special guest bill cosby everybody

[32:21] In the movie you're not going to see, they decided they were going to try to beat inappropriate comedy for the least amount of watches by humans.

[32:32] He gets this big buildup, and then he is just around for the rest of it.

[32:38] But we should keep moving.

[32:39] We should keep moving, because we're not yet done introducing the characters.

[32:42] There's also the New York lady's sister, who is super busty and super sexy.

[32:48] I mean, they're both super busty, but this one's the sexy, busty one.

[32:51] But one is kind of stout, busty, and the other one is, you know, you're...

[32:55] Matronly, I think, would have been.

[32:57] Yeah, I think, yeah, yeah.

[32:58] One is more overly zaftig, you could say.

[33:02] Overly...

[33:03] Ruben-esque.

[33:04] She eats too many...

[33:06] Paul Ruben-esque.

[33:07] Paul Ruben-esque.

[33:08] I dated this girl last night, pretty Ruben-esque.

[33:11] Oh, nice, Paul Ruben-esque.

[33:13] I don't know what that means.

[33:14] It was horrifying.

[33:14] She thought she was a six-year-old boy.

[33:18] And then she masturbated in the theater.

[33:19] Yeah.

[33:21] She did a dance where she pointed to her privates.

[33:23] It was crazy.

[33:25] So she was a member of the Groundlings.

[33:27] It was weird.

[33:28] She was a friend of the late Phil Hartman.

[33:33] Tragic.

[33:34] Tragic stuff.

[33:35] So she introduced her sister, who flirts with Sean Connery's character again.

[33:39] This doesn't come up again for almost the rest of the movie.

[33:42] They've got to get this kid to school.

[33:44] But we return.

[33:46] Then there's the policeman who's still wandering around years later looking for the beaver.

[33:49] I kind of wish design-wise they had made him look like a crazy homeless guy

[33:55] who had stitched his uniform together with random trash he found.

[33:59] Because he's just lost sight of humanity.

[34:03] He's like no longer part of human society because of his obsession.

[34:06] Yeah, exactly.

[34:07] He's kind of like the old Connecticut folk hero, the Leather Man.

[34:12] Okay.

[34:12] Who was a real man who, as former Daily Show writer Rich Blomquist described, was the missing link between caveman and hobo.

[34:19] And he was just famous for what? Walking around a circle, basically.

[34:25] He wore a leather suit and walked in the same circuit through Connecticut on a yearly basis, living in caves and begging pies and things, doing odd jobs.

[34:36] And for some reason, there is a half-hour local PBS special on this guy that you have to see.

[34:42] That was my fondest Daily Show memory was when we had – it was like right before our break and we just had nothing to do with ourselves.

[34:49] We watched the half-hour documentary about the Leather Man, just about a hobo who walked in a circle.

[34:54] And people remembered about how he walked in a circle.

[34:57] And Rich Blomquist, Mr. Kristen Schaal, talked about how he, on a school trip, went out to see a cave where the Leather Man stayed.

[35:06] Why did he say a Leatherman?

[35:09] I was wondering about that too.

[35:11] Famous hobo.

[35:12] Like, here kids, this is where a famous vagrant stayed.

[35:18] This is educational, I guess?

[35:22] Because Connecticut doesn't have a lot of stuff in it.

[35:25] Are we going to go to the nutmeg factory again?

[35:27] No, we got something else.

[35:29] We're going to learn how insurance is sold.

[35:31] It's boring.

[35:31] So look up the Leatherman, I guess.

[35:35] Be careful of that Google search.

[35:36] Can I do my recommendation now?

[35:38] Don't just Google Leatherman.

[35:40] Go to YouTube and do PBS Leatherman special.

[35:43] But anyway, so we're so barely into this movie.

[35:48] Luckily, there's not much plot after we introduce the characters.

[35:51] Yeah, that's true.

[35:52] It's super straightforward.

[35:54] We're reintroduced to the Beaver.

[35:54] It is storytelling boiled down to its quintessence.

[35:57] It follows all of Aristotle's three unities.

[36:01] There's Bessie Boo, the beaver, is living with these rabbits now.

[36:05] She's still a fugitive, except everyone knows where she is except the policemen.

[36:08] She's friends with everybody in town.

[36:10] Now, the rabbits do some kind of...

[36:12] And at this point, we realize that every single animal can talk, and the humans totally understand them.

[36:17] So this whole, like, removing all the beavers and throwing them in cages and dying, that's crazy, because those are sentient creatures you can interact with.

[36:25] They're essentially furry humans, which for a lot of people is a sexual fetish come to life.

[36:31] but they're also but here's the thing that whoever made this movie doesn't know what size beavers and

[36:37] rabbits are because they're roughly the size of like in this movie of like what like a small mouse

[36:44] yeah well i mean the the beavers and rabbits can definitely be held in the palm of one hand in one

[36:49] hand sometimes they're larger sometimes they're smaller who knows yeah they they yeah they're

[36:53] this i mean we're lit we're living in a in a universe of strange non-euclidean geometry

[36:57] They keep eating strange cookies that say eat me

[37:02] and drinking strange bottles that say drink me is the problem.

[37:04] That was a major problem at the time.

[37:06] At the time in Scotland.

[37:09] I remember seeing those PSAs.

[37:10] If you see children, if you see a wee ball that says drink me on it,

[37:18] do not drink it.

[37:19] Oh, that's great.

[37:20] You shall be changing your shape.

[37:22] I found the cure for movies, but I lost it.

[37:25] That doesn't make any sense.

[37:27] your size

[37:30] it won't be the same

[37:32] as when you started

[37:33] I found the cure

[37:35] for movies

[37:35] but I lost it

[37:36] I feel like that's like

[37:38] back in like

[37:39] Karasody cinemas

[37:40] that would be like

[37:41] something that would

[37:42] what?

[37:42] Karasody cinemas

[37:44] I don't know what that is

[37:45] there's a chain of

[37:46] movie theaters

[37:47] like that would be

[37:47] one of the things

[37:48] it's a regional movie

[37:48] carry soda cinemas

[37:50] we do carry soda

[37:51] don't worry

[37:51] you don't have to

[37:52] bring your own

[37:53] it's not BYOS

[37:54] that played before

[37:55] the movie

[37:55] like it would be

[37:56] Like Sean Connery would be like, I found the cure for movies, but I lost it.

[38:00] And you'd be like, I don't know what this is.

[38:02] But they're playing it before the Coca-Cola commercial.

[38:05] You just reminded me of something that I hadn't thought of in years.

[38:09] Ellie loves Coca-Cola.

[38:10] Well, one, that I love Coca-Cola.

[38:12] Before movies at Lowe's cinemas, they used to show a thing about like scenes from movies where people are like, be quiet, be quiet.

[38:21] And they'd show the scene from, is it Murder by Death, where Peter Falk says, I gotta go to the can.

[38:28] Nobody said anything.

[38:30] They would show the scene from the producers where Zero Mostel is screaming in Gene Wilder's ear and Gene Wilder's acting like his ears hurt.

[38:38] But they'd show it with the sound cut out as if the joke was that Gene Wilder was pretending that there was a lot of noise.

[38:44] But in the movie, Zero Mostel is literally screaming into his ear.

[38:47] So, like, I remember, I don't know why, but now that makes me really mad that they manipulated that footage, I guess.

[38:55] I don't even understand what the point they're making by changing it is.

[38:59] So, I guess if you work for Lowe's.

[39:03] If you used to cut pre-movie promos for Lowe's.

[39:07] Right in.

[39:08] And if you did the animation for the pre-movie thing where it's just giant candy floating in space, call me.

[39:15] Because I loved that.

[39:16] And if you did the drive-in thing that said, hello, young lovers, I like your work.

[39:21] Do you guys remember when Regal Cinemas used to actually show movie trivia that was for actual older movies?

[39:28] Because there was a clear delineation between when the Regal Cinema in my town first opened and started showing movie trivia before the movie.

[39:36] And it was actually like, you know, like famous older films.

[39:39] And then they just cut to movie trivia about whatever was about to be playing.

[39:45] oh i don't remember that will's a will blank is is hancock

[39:49] who could it be who could be william carlos williams

[39:55] the doctor poet uh so we should get back to this movie because again

[39:59] what's weird is we've done a lot of tangents in the episode but this movie is

[40:02] crazy bonkers yeah so we're introduced to a this is the pod racing sport of

[40:07] rabbits where there is a giant like a caber or a

[40:11] log that is tied to a or not even tied like you stand

[40:15] on a disc and a caber goes

[40:17] down the tube. Like a trash can type. And you've got to hold on

[40:19] to reins and steer it.

[40:21] This is somehow a rabbit sport

[40:23] and the beaver is not ready for it

[40:25] says his like rabbit

[40:27] adopted brother who hates him.

[40:28] But they say like give it a shot beaver

[40:31] and they're all making fun of his tail. Someone actually

[40:33] says like well find out what that thing attached to your

[40:35] butt does. Like they don't even know

[40:37] what a beaver is, what it does. Anyway

[40:39] he goes down a hill

[40:41] prematurely I guess

[40:43] and turns out to be the most amazing

[40:45] instinctual pod racer

[40:47] there ever was.

[40:48] The rabbit half-brother is

[40:51] angry by this, that his thunder's been stolen.

[40:53] I guess the Sebulba character.

[40:54] Yeah, he's totally Sebulba. And he

[40:57] goes off, but he screws it up.

[40:59] Uh-oh, and he's in danger. He starts

[41:01] hanging off a cliff. The mother rabbit,

[41:03] the one who adopted the beaver,

[41:04] goes to save him. They're both knocked over

[41:07] the cliff into the rushing waters below.

[41:09] We see on screen

[41:11] the mother rabbit falls to

[41:13] the bottom of the riverbed and hits her head on a rock and her motionless semi-corpse bobs up on

[41:20] the top of the stream and floats down it is horrifying the fact that you literally see her

[41:25] thump her head against a rock underwater yeah like she could have just fallen in the water and then

[41:30] just bobbed up floating but the movie was like let's show you that she's suffered brain injury

[41:36] there's some kind of terrifying disconnect between the completely unrealistic uh images you're seeing

[41:41] and the super realistic sounds you're hearing.

[41:43] There's a part later where Gordon the Goat,

[41:47] the Alan Cumming character,

[41:48] falls from a height onto the deck of a ship

[41:50] and there's a thump sound where it's like,

[41:52] ooh, that's a little too real.

[41:53] But Bessie Boo Beaver decides,

[41:57] I'm going to use my beaver powers of, I guess,

[41:59] swimming to save them.

[42:00] She dives off the cliff and falls in the water.

[42:03] Now, here is where I thought this was going to be

[42:06] like the opening incident of the movie

[42:08] that just shows you what Bessie Boo is capable of.

[42:11] and then we get on with the main plot.

[42:12] No.

[42:13] Saving these characters from the river

[42:15] is the plot of the movie.

[42:16] Yeah.

[42:17] And so...

[42:18] It goes on and on and on.

[42:20] This river must be roughly 1,000 miles long

[42:23] because the characters have enough time

[42:25] to go to Sean Connery for help.

[42:28] Sean Connery discusses the plan with everybody.

[42:31] Everybody in town.

[42:33] Who seems on board with it?

[42:34] So again...

[42:35] Except for...

[42:36] Except for the guy who hates beavers.

[42:37] And the guy who owns the dam.

[42:39] The dam that they're floating towards.

[42:40] Who is the best character in the movie, probably?

[42:43] His name is Toph, and he is like a rich dandy.

[42:47] He's like a duke or something.

[42:48] But again, it shows the disconnect between the human characters getting rid of these beavers

[42:53] and then, I guess, the fact that all animals are humans in this world.

[42:58] Well, look, that was a national law, and this is like a local community thing.

[43:01] They're a beaver sanctuary town.

[43:03] So when a beaver commits a crime, it's the mayor of that sanctuary town that's going to be on the hook for it.

[43:09] I guess Sean Connery?

[43:12] I don't think he's the mayor.

[43:13] He's a veterinarian.

[43:14] But he seems to run the place.

[43:15] Well, it seems like one of those.

[43:17] And his daughter lives in the castle.

[43:18] It's one of those like Nietzschean type situations where out of a chaos of an ungoverned town,

[43:25] the naturally superior man, Sean Connery's skateboarding veterinarian, Sir Billy,

[43:30] arises as the natural leader and people flock to him.

[43:33] He goes to the town and he says, I'm going to need everybody's help to save these two rabbits and this beaver.

[43:39] Everyone's on board with this.

[43:40] They're like, what can we do?

[43:41] How can we help?

[43:42] You duck in a plane.

[43:43] You're going to go oversee and recon.

[43:45] Everyone else split up and go to different areas.

[43:48] The duck sees, or someone just tells Sean Connery that the mother rabbit is lying motionless somewhere.

[43:54] And he goes and immediately diagnoses that she may be paralyzed.

[43:58] Yeah.

[43:58] He's talking to the goat.

[44:00] I fear that if she doesn't waggle her foot, she could be paralyzed.

[44:05] This is after the goat explains that the rabbit hit her head and is bleeding to death.

[44:10] Oh, yeah, that's right.

[44:11] They're told that the rabbit is bleeding out of her head, so they have to go.

[44:15] And Gordon the Goat is like, she's lost a lot of blood.

[44:19] It's like, now, no kids movie should include the phrase lost a lot of blood.

[44:23] I'm just going to say that's right off the bat.

[44:25] Yeah.

[44:25] But luckily, thankfully, they don't animate rivulets of blood pouring out of her skull.

[44:31] Or, thankfully, they do not make the rabbit actually paralyzed.

[44:35] No, thankfully, they...

[44:37] She does waggle her toe.

[44:38] The doctor's, the veterinarian's medical prescription of,

[44:44] I'm going to stand here and tell you to wag your toe and ask you really hard to do it, works.

[44:48] I was half expecting him to have to trepane her skull to release the pressure on her brain.

[44:54] To release the demons inside.

[44:56] Now, here's the thing.

[44:57] Gordon the Goat is dressed as Uma Thurman in Kill Bill.

[45:00] Is this wiggle the toe thing also a reference to Kill Bill?

[45:02] I can only hope.

[45:04] I have to believe it is.

[45:06] That would be horrifying.

[45:06] There's a bunch of random movie references thrown in here.

[45:09] I thought you were going to say, because there's a bunch of rape in that part of Kill Bill.

[45:14] Oh, wait.

[45:15] So, oh, that's hard.

[45:16] So I didn't even think that.

[45:17] Seems like a horrible reference for a children's movie to me.

[45:19] So you think Sir Billy, if she didn't move her toe, was going to sell her, sell a night with her to some other creepy guy?

[45:25] Yeah, that's right.

[45:26] Gordon Goat is pretty lascivious, and he's like Sir Billy's hype man.

[45:32] Yeah.

[45:33] And he's just flamboyant and sassy, but he's never really gay.

[45:38] He's just pansexual, like Alan Cumming himself.

[45:40] Like Pan, the goat man.

[45:42] That's where it comes from, I guess.

[45:44] Like Zamfier, master of the pan flute.

[45:47] The most pansexual man there is.

[45:52] He's actually a flute sexual.

[45:54] Oh, wow.

[45:56] Yeah, he works his fluid into his lovemaking.

[45:58] Oh, that sounds horrible.

[45:59] Anyway, so now that they've established that she is not paralyzed from the waist down.

[46:03] I'm trying to think what Dario Argento movie that was.

[46:06] It's Sanfear and Allison Hannigan from American Pie making love together.

[46:12] Yep, yep.

[46:12] All right, sorry.

[46:14] I bet they would do that as an American Pie sequel, right?

[46:18] Sure.

[46:18] American Pie colon Sanfear.

[46:21] The Sanfear model.

[46:26] And for some reason

[46:29] Eugene Levy's still in it

[46:31] For some reason

[46:32] That's the reason

[46:33] Money dude

[46:34] Cash registers sound

[46:35] And because Eugene Levy

[46:36] Puts butts in the seats

[46:37] Why do you think

[46:38] Bringing down the house

[46:39] Was advertised

[46:40] With a poster

[46:42] That had a word balloon

[46:43] For Eugene Levy saying

[46:44] You got me straight trippin' boo

[46:46] Gets butts in the seats

[46:48] What a crazy late career

[46:50] Eye that man had

[46:51] He's still around

[46:53] He's still going

[46:55] I love Eugene Levy.

[46:56] I'm not saying anything bad about him.

[46:57] I mean, it's just so bad that Eugene Levy couldn't hold out when Katrina hit.

[47:00] You've seen Spike Lee's documentary when the Levy broke?

[47:04] Yeah, I know.

[47:05] I saw that.

[47:05] It's too bad.

[47:07] He was just standing there going, ah, water.

[47:08] Oh, ah.

[47:09] You got me straight drowning, boo.

[47:12] That's horrible.

[47:16] Terrible.

[47:17] It's the anniversary of Katrina.

[47:20] Not when this is airing.

[47:24] The worst.

[47:25] Not when you're releasing this.

[47:27] Anyway, so it is sad.

[47:29] Anyway, so speaking of sad, this movie.

[47:31] So they've saved kind of the grown-up bunny,

[47:33] but you've still got a kid beaver and a kid bunny who are in trouble.

[47:37] Luckily, somebody has a boat,

[47:40] and some of the ladies in town decide to go drive it to help them,

[47:45] and they manage to save them,

[47:46] although the beaver almost gets sucked into the turbines of the dam

[47:49] that the rich guy refuses to shut down.

[47:51] Although, to be honest, this is a huge public works project.

[47:54] It's powering the village.

[47:56] Are they really going to shut it down for who knows how long to save a beaver and a rabbit?

[47:59] I mean, but they're like living creatures, Elliot.

[48:02] They have hopes and dreams.

[48:04] I mean, I don't...

[48:06] The wheels of progress are oiled with the blood of the innocent.

[48:09] But we haven't seen, other than a pilot, we haven't seen any gainfully employed animal characters.

[48:14] Although they all wear jumpsuits.

[48:15] Yeah.

[48:16] Is that their job, or is it a Manor Astro Man type thing,

[48:21] or a Devo type thing, where they're in a band?

[48:22] What's the deal?

[48:23] Dan, what do you think?

[48:25] Is it to make them all look like weird plucked turkeys?

[48:31] Let's assume it's a comfort thing.

[48:33] Sure.

[48:33] I see.

[48:34] So they manage to save them at the last minute.

[48:40] But the moment upon saving the beaver,

[48:43] the goat goes

[48:45] paralyzed and falls in the river?

[48:47] No, that came a little later. So he gets on a

[48:49] boat. But no, even before that

[48:51] he has a cramp.

[48:53] That's right. And falls in the water.

[48:55] That's how the goat gets on the boat. Because he

[48:57] has a cramp and falls off a dam into the water.

[48:59] They are all sure that he's dead

[49:01] but then he swims to the boat.

[49:03] Then the boat, and this came out of

[49:05] nowhere, is thrust

[49:07] into the air by a Russian submarine

[49:09] that it's mentioned in the text on screen

[49:11] is having nuclear reactor problems that is not mentioned again although perhaps it would explain

[49:16] why there's so many anthropomorphic animals in the area if there was a slow radiation leak that

[49:21] was just changing their dna but uh the russian sub uh-oh suddenly they're in trouble the goat

[49:27] has a plan that involves him hanging from a rope catching a rope from the plane that the duck is

[49:32] flying it it flies him over around for a while and he falls off on a dock and when he hits the dock

[49:39] he uh is also seemingly dead yeah and but meanwhile like the two ladies who stayed on the

[49:45] boat with the russian submarine are unharmed like the russians are fine yeah like the goat did not

[49:51] need to jump like get on this uh flying around rope it was totally unnecessary for him to get

[49:57] on the flying around rope he just likes the adventure of life but anyway but then sean

[50:02] connery has flashbacks to the life that he had with this goat sean connery thinks the goat might

[50:06] be dead and yet he flashes back to raising the goat which involves a lot of movie parodies singing

[50:12] in the rain casablanca uh there was one just a random charlie chaplin type thing reading identity

[50:19] crisis reading identity crisis which i assume is not the comic book identity crisis but i'm not sure

[50:24] uh yeah we didn't pause it there was some it was just like he flashes back to his life with the

[50:30] goat and then but the duck manages to deliver special water from a part of the highlands and

[50:37] that reinvigorates the goat and he's back to life but this is the this water's been established as

[50:41] being magic i'm guessing this is what the not in the movie maybe that's what he that's what he gave

[50:46] the uh the paralyzed rabbit oh i assumed that was just whiskey or something okay but uh yeah he gives

[50:51] the paralyzed rabbit a little draught of something from a bottle and the but there's a theme in this

[50:56] movie of characters lying on the ground as sean connery's welcome it's the thing of characters

[51:03] lying on the ground animals lying on the ground as sean connery bends over them and talks about

[51:07] the worst case scenario that they might be looking at very casually i mean like sadly but casually

[51:14] luckily the goat man lives a sentence i never thought i'd say which you know what's weird is

[51:21] i made a joke about a man with the power of a goat in last week's or last episode all right

[51:25] Raisa Monaco, I should have saved it for this.

[51:27] But that's when the police officer, who kind of disappeared for a while, convinces the Russian subcaptain to give him the beaver.

[51:36] They have to chase the police officer down.

[51:39] This leads to the skateboard chase that we've been waiting for.

[51:42] You're right.

[51:42] As Sean Connery rides his skateboard through the most depressing areas of Scotland.

[51:47] They're all industrial kind of wastelands.

[51:49] There's like a military base.

[51:50] Burned. You got burnt Aberdeen.

[51:53] Take that, Aberdeen.

[51:54] Concrete city.

[51:54] Dan, do you know anything about Aberdeen?

[51:56] It's an ugly city.

[51:57] I mean, I don't know much about it either.

[51:58] I've been there once.

[51:58] Oh, you were there once?

[52:00] Yeah.

[52:00] What were you doing there?

[52:01] Visiting a friend.

[52:02] There's no Edinburgh, I'll tell you that.

[52:04] Well, no, Edinburgh's a great city.

[52:05] Yeah.

[52:06] Glasgow's a nice city.

[52:07] Yeah.

[52:08] Aberdeen, not so much.

[52:09] Okay, I've never been there.

[52:10] So, but they end up in a UK Navy submarine dock where they're stopped by the real police

[52:19] who Sean Connery asks for five minutes alone with the policeman who wants to kick out all

[52:24] of beavers and then they can take him to jail but up the police officer is arrested for i'm not sure

[52:30] partially impersonating a police officer beavers slam yeah i guess it was weird is that the movie

[52:37] made a point of establishing early on that it was national law that these beavers were not going to

[52:41] be introduced so this cop is being arrested i guess for just being a jerk overzealous i guess

[52:47] that's it you're not supposed to enforce the laws that much uh everyone celebrates with a big dance

[52:53] party, Sean Connery gives a

[52:55] kind of rambling speech.

[52:56] But the dance that happens

[52:59] is the women of the movie,

[53:01] the three bustiest women.

[53:02] No, not the super bustiest, right?

[53:05] I think... Because there's more to the movie

[53:07] with Sean Connery? Well, no, I think that

[53:08] she's part of the dance.

[53:10] The three bustiest women do a sexy dance

[53:13] for a long time. A long

[53:15] time. There's a slow jam with a sexy

[53:17] dance. The entire movie stops

[53:19] for this. And then the

[53:20] the busty sister from new york goes off with sean connery and sean connery's after she declares him

[53:27] guardian of the highlands yeah she says he's like a guardian of the high which is reiterated by

[53:32] another character by his daughter who goes yeah i guess he is like a guardian of the highlands

[53:35] it is the laziest way of getting the title of a movie and the only lazier way would be if they

[53:40] were like you know if they made a movie about this guy they should call it guardian of the highlands

[53:43] but uh he goes off with her and asks her if he wants if she wants to see the sunset over the

[53:50] atlantic from the most beautiful mountain in scotland the highlands which means he's gonna

[53:55] bang her yeah and uh his sister no his sister his daughter the mother of the little kid who has been

[54:00] forgotten by this point his daughter says oh it's so glad he's found the happiness that he's been

[54:05] missing all these years she's she's you know although she's you know it has a character who

[54:10] we seems certainly very happy the whole movie yeah yeah he's never seems he's only he's barely

[54:16] unhappy when someone's about to die in front of him and like even though he's a manically of only

[54:21] the insane it only slightly dampens his buzz that he's about to witness the death of his best friend

[54:28] the goat man but uh then uh she she says like too bad she's a yank although she does have quite the

[54:34] admirable chest they don't breed them like that here it is the weirdest moment yes and uh then

[54:40] there's the credits and during the credits there's a couple different sequences there's a sequence of

[54:46] well then the duck woman

[54:47] flies around for a while talking and she just

[54:50] rambles on and she winks at the camera

[54:51] and at the end she winks at the camera and flies away

[54:53] and if her scenes had been cut from the movie

[54:56] because you could do that it would just be the

[54:58] weirdest thing if a duck suddenly winked at the camera

[55:00] and flew away at the end

[55:01] otherwise it works totally normally

[55:04] it makes perfect sense

[55:06] so at the end there are three

[55:08] end credit sequences one is just

[55:09] the duck lady in the plane her plane stops

[55:12] working and she has to get it started again before she crashes

[55:14] which we assume was like cut from the film for time or it was like test animation to be like

[55:19] hey this duck character is a big deal let's show let me show the the investors let's start

[55:25] all of them the sequel about what was her name lucille what was it vicky vicky let's start

[55:29] working on the sequel about vicky the duck right away where maybe this was like a vicky the duck

[55:35] movie and then they decided to change the focus when they got sean connery on board but uh they

[55:40] show that for a while then all the characters without color they just look like 3d models

[55:45] that haven't been colored in or put had textures put on them walk out and give bows in front of

[55:50] a curtain call and then after that we see a series of flashbacks that is this movie's version of the

[55:57] opening from up i guess where you see sean connery romancing his wife as a young man getting married

[56:04] they have a daughter she graduates and then his wife is old and then dies yeah and the last shot

[56:09] of it is literally Sean Connery with his hand on a tombstone heading a grave with sadly and behind

[56:16] him the grave behind him it looks like he's walking through the grave near the castle where

[56:21] Bugs Bunny met those witches that turned into vultures like this it like is the most like yeah

[56:27] cartoon hammer horror graveyard and that's the last shot of the movie yeah Sean Connery mourning

[56:34] his wife the movie ended the movie ended happily but it's like it felt like it needed to remind us

[56:40] there's like oh no no a lot of sad stuff happened and it could happen to you at any moment the grim

[56:45] specter of death is hovering over you at all times don't don't think that just because the movie has

[56:51] over they live happily ever after they lived happily until their time on this earth came to

[56:55] an end and she is much younger than him so he'll pass before her and she will one mourn him sadly

[57:01] and two be too old to marry again and so live out her final decades alone unloved not knowing the

[57:08] touch of a man again good night children guardian of the highlands so like this is the animation's

[57:14] not as bad as food fight but it's like it comes close and it's still it looks like where's food

[57:20] fight looked like they animated the movie in like three days this looks like like they had a week

[57:24] to do it in oh wow okay but uh this like this is a bonkers movie and i have to say as like i was it

[57:32] was so weirdly depressing and sad and yet at the end that's i don't think i've laughed harder

[57:38] than i did at that shot massaging his wife's tombstone the feel-good shot of the year raves

[57:45] elliot calen sean connery hilariously mourns his wife says elliot calen uh yeah we're here

[57:53] final judgments is this a good bad movie a bad bad movie or movie kind of like i'm gonna say

[57:58] this is a good bad movie it's 76 minutes it's almost as crazy as food fight but a little more

[58:06] easy to watch it doesn't have the fever dream horror i would say it's less crazy but it's more

[58:11] it's as silly as food fight yeah so it's dumb and it and it's faster like it moves quicker yeah

[58:17] that's true it it lacks a an elderly gay bat that's true i mean it lacks the complete insanity

[58:24] of food fight i'm not like you you know if you want to see something that is going to make you

[58:29] you know weep for all mankind watch food raves dan mccoy i want to put it on the back of the

[58:37] box so badly now but uh but this has some of the same qualities in a way that i enjoyed it's the

[58:43] moment when you realize they're going to do a full

[58:45] dance number at the end with just

[58:47] all these like weird

[58:48] CGI swinging udders

[58:51] and you're just rubbing your temples

[58:53] kind of willing it to be over

[58:55] or to go on forever you don't know which

[58:57] that's the moment

[58:59] you realize it's a good bad movie

[59:00] I would say good bad movie also

[59:03] I'd started bad bad but then it got good bad fast

[59:05] Hi everybody I'm Justin McElroy

[59:12] I'm Travis McElroy

[59:13] I'm Griffin McElroy

[59:15] And we host the first podcast ever made

[59:17] My brother, my brother made

[59:18] Every Monday we put out the first ever advice comedy podcast ever

[59:21] They found our podcast on Dead Sea Scrolls

[59:24] We're the Hammurabi Code of Podcasts

[59:26] And we're ready to entertain you with jokes

[59:28] So we invented the first jokes

[59:30] So join us every Monday on MaximumFun.org

[59:33] You'll never crack our code, Dan Brown

[59:34] Just try me

[59:35] It's history in the making

[59:36] And in the faking

[59:38] And it's all yours for the taking

[59:42] uh but now move on to everyone's favorite segment letters from listeners you write them we

[59:57] write them well wait no way to dig yourself out of that hole make up a word dr seuss

[1:00:05] uh but uh we're running long so we don't have time for a song that rhymed anyway let's go

[1:00:12] So, the first letter...

[1:00:13] I'm like Nipsey Russell.

[1:00:14] First letter is...

[1:00:17] First letter!

[1:00:19] It's the letter.

[1:00:21] The letter with the Midas touch.

[1:00:23] And it goes like this.

[1:00:26] A letter's touch.

[1:00:27] Dear Peaches,

[1:00:29] say you're arrested for a murder you didn't commit.

[1:00:32] Or hey, maybe you did commit it.

[1:00:34] I'm not here to judge.

[1:00:35] Either way, you're entitled to legal representation.

[1:00:37] Which attorney, within all of fiction,

[1:00:40] do you pick to defend you?

[1:00:41] Sincerely, Benjamin Last Name Withheld.

[1:00:43] I think I know where Elliot's going to go with this.

[1:00:46] Well, but you go first then.

[1:00:50] Sure.

[1:00:51] Why not Jimmy Stewart from Anatomy of a Murderer?

[1:00:57] That's pretty good.

[1:00:57] I mean, I don't want to give any spoilers for that film,

[1:01:01] but pretty good lawyer.

[1:01:05] But he's a pretty good lawyer.

[1:01:06] But like many movies about lawyers, he loses at the end.

[1:01:11] and he plays jazz piano

[1:01:14] I actually wonder who you think I was going to say

[1:01:16] because I think I might say the same person

[1:01:17] Stuart was going to say

[1:01:18] I was going to say Dan Fielding from Night Court

[1:01:20] that's a good choice

[1:01:23] I was going to say Phoenix Wright

[1:01:24] Attorney at Law

[1:01:25] overruled

[1:01:27] I thought maybe you were going to go with Daniel Webster

[1:01:29] one of your favorite movies

[1:01:31] here's the thing

[1:01:32] yeah I guess so but here's the problem

[1:01:35] Daniel Webster if you watch that movie

[1:01:37] he's the hero and he gives a great speech

[1:01:40] He does not win that case on the merits.

[1:01:41] By all rights, that guy is the devil's property.

[1:01:45] He does some legal tomfoolery.

[1:01:47] He kind of bamboozles that jury of the damned into releasing the guy for sentimental reasons.

[1:01:52] I mean, I feel like the best lawyer is the one that gets the results.

[1:01:55] For sentimental reasons, the Pepe Le Pew cartoon.

[1:01:58] He shows them a Pepe Le Pew cartoon and he says, ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

[1:02:02] in a world where a skunk can rape a cat, is what my client did really that bad?

[1:02:07] And they said, release him.

[1:02:09] Uh, the same way that, uh, I don't like that.

[1:02:12] That's a, that's a, they can do that sentence.

[1:02:14] I think so.

[1:02:16] We sentence him to release.

[1:02:18] Uh, we sentence him to full release.

[1:02:20] We find the defendant releasing, uh, uh, in young Mr.

[1:02:25] Lincoln, even though it's based on, on a true story, I don't like it.

[1:02:28] Cause it makes Lincoln out to be kind of like a shyster lawyer who just bet

[1:02:32] like badgers a witness into admitting they're not sure.

[1:02:35] See, I think that he was kind of, I mean,

[1:02:39] he was a lawyer, so he had to do slick stuff.

[1:02:40] That's the thing. I feel like you're

[1:02:42] putting these moral judgments on these lawyers

[1:02:45] when I feel like it kind of

[1:02:47] makes me admire them more if they're

[1:02:49] working the system. I guess you're right.

[1:02:51] When I want to get off this charge for murdering you,

[1:02:52] I just... It's not that I've said too much.

[1:02:55] Back up. No, no, no.

[1:02:57] That's not what I'm going to talk about. You're right. I'm just looking for

[1:02:59] a guy to get me off.

[1:03:00] And you know what I mean.

[1:03:02] I'm not necessarily looking for... You can slam that beaver.

[1:03:04] I'm not necessarily

[1:03:07] looking for the

[1:03:09] most noble lawyer. So yeah, maybe I would go

[1:03:11] Daniel Webster. Or Dan Fielding.

[1:03:13] Sure. On the subject of beaver

[1:03:15] slamming. With two Dans.

[1:03:16] So, the next letter.

[1:03:19] And for our third Dan, Dan McCoy.

[1:03:21] Goes like this. Dan in real life.

[1:03:23] Letter number two. I have to commend you

[1:03:25] on your recent discussion.

[1:03:26] Recent, that means, I don't know, it's like a hundred episodes.

[1:03:29] Any time within the past century.

[1:03:32] Your recent discussion.

[1:03:33] Recent, in geologic terms, discussion.

[1:03:35] Rule of time has strange

[1:03:37] properties of the Flophouse.

[1:03:39] Rules for

[1:03:41] 90s kids when it comes to

[1:03:43] watching softcore sex comedies and

[1:03:45] erotic thrillers. Your advice will

[1:03:47] no doubt provide guidance for those of us

[1:03:49] who operate in a world without dial-up.

[1:03:51] As a fellow pervisoid, I thought

[1:03:53] it would be beneficial to add my own

[1:03:55] rules to aid my fellow travelers.

[1:03:57] Rule number one.

[1:03:59] While at your local video store,

[1:04:01] check the back of the video boxes to determine

[1:04:03] a rental. If it's unrated, you've hit the jackpot.

[1:04:06] Beware of erotic thrillers with the telltale R rating.

[1:04:09] This means horrifically edited sex scenes

[1:04:12] that primarily focus on windows

[1:04:14] set to unpleasant saxophone solos.

[1:04:16] Avoid at all costs.

[1:04:17] Yeah, go with an unrated movie like U-Turn.

[1:04:19] As an added bonus,

[1:04:23] if it's a horror movie that's unrated,

[1:04:25] that means there's a pretty good chance

[1:04:27] that there will be lots more gore and cenobites.

[1:04:29] So don't be a dork and pass out that goldmine.

[1:04:32] You said that weird.

[1:04:32] Well, no, but it's true.

[1:04:34] Jack Valente did put in a rule for the NBA that Cenobites equals an instant X rating.

[1:04:39] Yeah.

[1:04:39] That's why NC-17 stands for...

[1:04:42] That sounds like a clip movie of Hellraiser movies.

[1:04:44] Cenobites of Cenobites.

[1:04:46] It's what NC-17 stands for.

[1:04:49] No Cenobites for anyone under 17.

[1:04:52] Rule number two.

[1:04:55] As Elliot suggested, USA Apple Night can be even better than some of the stuff you'll find at your local video store.

[1:05:01] Remember, the censors can blur out breasts and they cut out sex scenes,

[1:05:04] but for whatever reason, they never got around to thongs and g-strings.

[1:05:09] May God bless them for their oversight.

[1:05:11] Rule number three, for the curious,

[1:05:13] the world of softcore sex comedies and erotic thrillers

[1:05:16] can prove to be an exciting learning experience.

[1:05:19] Did you know that the memorable sex scene in Payback,

[1:05:22] which features Joan Severance and a mustachioed C. Thomas Howell

[1:05:25] going at her on top of a kitchen counter,

[1:05:27] is a witty homage to the remake of A Postman Always Wings Twice?

[1:05:31] Featuring Jack Nicholson and Jessica Lange

[1:05:33] Congratulations

[1:05:34] Now you're a film historian

[1:05:36] Rule number four

[1:05:39] This is by far the most important rule

[1:05:41] If you stay up all night

[1:05:43] Watching HBO

[1:05:44] If you stay up all night

[1:05:46] Watching HBO in the hopes of catching

[1:05:49] Inside Club Wildside

[1:05:50] And instead get stuck watching

[1:05:53] Autopsy 4

[1:05:55] Or an inside look at the making of The Late Shift

[1:05:57] Never fear

[1:05:58] if you last a little while longer you can either catch the adventures of ten ten or babar coming on

[1:06:05] at around 5 a.m even in defeat you could be a winner josh last name with that's a very lived

[1:06:12] rule that last one yeah that that yeah that is a lived in email at the very least maybe an episode

[1:06:17] of dream on is going to come on where you can watch hbo first look the hud sucker proxy watch

[1:06:23] Brian Ben-Ben running around and mugging

[1:06:25] and then one set of breasts, maybe.

[1:06:27] Or two, possibly, if it's in the same scene.

[1:06:30] Oh, yeah.

[1:06:32] You sure star Brian Ben-Ben.

[1:06:35] He starred in that show.

[1:06:37] America's Sweetheart.

[1:06:37] I mean, really, the star of that show was breasts

[1:06:40] and old public domain television clips.

[1:06:43] Those were some very well-thought-out roles,

[1:06:46] and if only I had known them when I was 14,

[1:06:48] instead of having to find them myself.

[1:06:51] Yeah.

[1:06:52] So I believe these two emails were referring back perhaps to the same episode.

[1:06:58] This is from Mark's letter.

[1:06:59] Which letter is this?

[1:07:00] Mark last name withheld.

[1:07:01] Three or four?

[1:07:02] Who knows?

[1:07:02] Numbers have lost on me now.

[1:07:03] Number three.

[1:07:04] From Mark last name withheld.

[1:07:07] It's titled.

[1:07:08] Knopfler.

[1:07:08] Bikini movies.

[1:07:09] What?

[1:07:10] Bikini movies.

[1:07:11] Get out of here.

[1:07:12] It's titled Bikini Movies.

[1:07:14] You keep talking.

[1:07:15] Yeah.

[1:07:15] Dear Floppers.

[1:07:16] I was following your advice.

[1:07:21] That's my favorite Kevin Bacon show, The Flallowing.

[1:07:23] It's about a guy who follows a flock of birds.

[1:07:28] Because one of them is a killer.

[1:07:30] I was following your advice about finding a good movie,

[1:07:33] looking for keywords like school, academy, and especially bikini.

[1:07:37] With this in mind, I sat myself down, got myself comfortable,

[1:07:41] and readied myself to watch what was sure to be a raucous ride to boob town

[1:07:45] with Bikini Atoll nuclear test footage in color.

[1:07:48] No.

[1:07:50] Now, normally this sort of thing is in my particular cup of tea.

[1:07:52] First off, there was no sound.

[1:07:54] This was easily remedied by putting on an old Herb Alpert Tijuana Brass LP.

[1:07:58] Second, there were no boobtacular ladies to be seen.

[1:08:03] Not even a single person of any kind.

[1:08:04] Instead, I bore witness to the ultimate perversion.

[1:08:07] Man using his clever, creative brain to wreak ultimate havoc upon the world.

[1:08:12] I give it an 8 out of 10.

[1:08:13] So that was from Mark's last name.

[1:08:16] When all that test footage of model houses being destroyed by the A-bomb and their roofs being torn off, is that really that different from the end of Zapped?

[1:08:23] Yeah.

[1:08:23] When he's using his mental powers to rip ladies' dresses off?

[1:08:26] He learned.

[1:08:27] There's that moment at the end of Zapped where he merges with like a singularity and he joins time itself and he finds Tetsuo on the other side.

[1:08:36] In Ketsuhiro Otomo's Zapped.

[1:08:39] He learned that there were no bikinis at all.

[1:08:43] Dan, I think this.

[1:08:45] Wow, I didn't realize Noel Coward was here.

[1:08:48] You can't see this at home, listeners,

[1:08:53] but Elliot was about to move his glasses in and out,

[1:08:58] and I, whoa!

[1:08:58] Like a boi-o-yoing sort of thing.

[1:09:00] Yeah.

[1:09:01] Are we on?

[1:09:02] This is letter number four, right?

[1:09:03] This is letter number four.

[1:09:04] So, letter number four.

[1:09:06] You're the fourth letter.

[1:09:07] That means you win two tickets to Agent 47.

[1:09:10] Wait, what?

[1:09:11] Just come on down to the Flophouse

[1:09:13] and pick up your two tickets to a screening of

[1:09:15] Agent 47 now in theaters?

[1:09:16] I don't understand.

[1:09:18] We didn't agree on this.

[1:09:20] So, I bought two tickets

[1:09:23] to Hitman Agent 47.

[1:09:25] And I'm trying

[1:09:27] to unload them.

[1:09:28] Usually when you buy movie tickets, you can't just

[1:09:31] use them for whatever.

[1:09:32] Wait, it doesn't have my fucking name on it.

[1:09:35] Fine, you can take my ID

[1:09:37] with you.

[1:09:38] It's not Corbin Downs' multi-pass.

[1:09:41] That's not the objection that I was bringing up.

[1:09:43] By the way, that fucking multi-pass is available.

[1:09:45] You can buy the original multi-pass they use to make it.

[1:09:50] That's right.

[1:09:51] Stuart, you brought up an interesting point before, though.

[1:09:54] Why has no one on the internet done a zapped Akira mashup?

[1:09:58] I don't know.

[1:09:58] Laziness.

[1:10:00] I have to assume.

[1:10:02] So this last letter of the evening.

[1:10:04] It reminds me of the time I had to go to Twitter

[1:10:05] to personally request somebody make an animated GIF

[1:10:09] of Boba Fett falling in the Sarlacc

[1:10:11] with the text nothing but FET on the top of it.

[1:10:14] How long did that take?

[1:10:16] I took somebody probably three minutes.

[1:10:18] But the fact that I had to demand that from the internet

[1:10:21] didn't already exist.

[1:10:22] Come on.

[1:10:23] Shocking.

[1:10:24] Last letter.

[1:10:26] Dearest Peaches.

[1:10:27] There's a Simpsons Akira mashup comic book.

[1:10:29] I mean, come on.

[1:10:29] That's true.

[1:10:31] Dearest Peaches.

[1:10:32] I'm afraid the package of hand-stitched underwear

[1:10:35] personalized for each view that I mailed

[1:10:38] was returned to me as undeliverable.

[1:10:40] Is 444-FLOPHOUSE-DRIVE-FLOPHOUSE-NEW-YORK not correct?

[1:10:43] Mm-mm.

[1:10:44] I have now mailed the package to you.

[1:10:46] 123 Fake Street.

[1:10:47] 555-FLOPHOUSE-WAY.

[1:10:49] FLOPHOUSE-AMERICA, FLOPHOUSE-USA.

[1:10:51] FLOPHOUSE-USA would totally have been our TV show,

[1:10:55] which was a dance party show.

[1:10:57] Still could be.

[1:10:58] Do not go to that address to pick up your Hitman tickets.

[1:11:01] Hitman Agent 47 in theaters now.

[1:11:04] I feel like Stuart's getting a taste of Hitman 47

[1:11:09] and that we're not getting to wet our beaks in the same way on this.

[1:11:12] That's better.

[1:11:14] In case they don't make it through, I will describe the underwear to you.

[1:11:18] First off, they are all tighty-whities.

[1:11:20] Now for Dan, hand-stitched across the butt in a fart cloud, the word sigh.

[1:11:26] So that's where the sighs come from.

[1:11:29] Hand-stitched across the crotch, here's the deal.

[1:11:32] For Stuart, hand-stitched across the crotch,

[1:11:36] Reminder to self, do not rip off own ding dong.

[1:11:39] But it's got to be upside down so he can read it.

[1:11:42] Oh, no.

[1:11:43] You might think this is too many characters across a person's crotch.

[1:11:47] And you'd be right for your average man.

[1:11:50] There's plenty of material in Stewart's underwear.

[1:11:52] You better believe it.

[1:11:53] I like him baggy.

[1:11:55] I like my Teddy Whitey's extra baggy.

[1:11:57] BJ last name.

[1:11:58] His room down there.

[1:11:59] Walter White style.

[1:12:00] I like to think that it's like the inside of the houses in Rats of Nym.

[1:12:06] So thank you

[1:12:11] Thank you for that underwear we didn't receive

[1:12:14] The descriptions

[1:12:16] Almost make it worthwhile

[1:12:18] Yeah yeah I mean I feel like I'm wearing them right now

[1:12:20] That doesn't disqualify you

[1:12:22] From the Hitman Agent 47 contest by the way

[1:12:24] Instead of wearing the underwear of a dead man

[1:12:26] What?

[1:12:28] I had to have an underwear transplant

[1:12:29] And they gave me the underwear from a serial killer

[1:12:32] Oh no

[1:12:32] At night I think my butt has been murdering people

[1:12:35] That's the dumbest idea I've ever heard

[1:12:39] But I want to watch the rest

[1:12:41] But only once every couple of weeks

[1:12:44] When I'm wearing that pair of underwear

[1:12:45] You're going to pay for the whole seat

[1:12:48] Wait, how often do you wash your underwear?

[1:12:49] I've got a lot of pairs of underwear

[1:12:52] To avoid underwear washing

[1:12:54] Like multiple drawers worth or just one big one?

[1:12:56] Yeah, multiple drawers

[1:12:57] One big drawer

[1:12:58] It's underwear

[1:12:59] Oh boy

[1:13:00] Anyway, as I was going to say about my underwear transplant movie

[1:13:03] You're going to pay for your whole seat

[1:13:04] but you're not going to use any of it

[1:13:06] because you're going to walk out.

[1:13:07] So Dan, tell us more

[1:13:12] about your extensive underwear collection.

[1:13:14] Which you realize is literally

[1:13:16] a thing that... You act as if you have a headache from me talking

[1:13:18] about it when Stuart asked me about it.

[1:13:20] I didn't bring it up. Literally a

[1:13:21] characteristic that Tom Servo has

[1:13:23] in Mystery Science Theater 2000 the movie to show

[1:13:26] that he is boring.

[1:13:26] I always said that I felt like I was

[1:13:30] sort of a Tom Servo character but no one believes me.

[1:13:32] That's true. I think you're the host though.

[1:13:33] I think Stuart's crow, I'm Tom, and you're the human.

[1:13:37] Oh, I think you're crow.

[1:13:38] I can be the human.

[1:13:40] If I'm not Tom, then I'm Joel.

[1:13:42] Yeah, well, you're more Joel than Mike.

[1:13:44] Except you're Midwestern like Mike.

[1:13:46] Maybe...

[1:13:48] Like Mike.

[1:13:48] Yeah.

[1:13:49] The hit movie.

[1:13:50] Yeah.

[1:13:51] About the kid with magic shoes.

[1:13:52] Yeah.

[1:13:52] I'm sort of a Joel Servo combo.

[1:13:54] Is there a bad guy in that, Crispin Glover?

[1:13:56] Is there a bad guy?

[1:13:57] Yeah, Crispin Glover, I think, is the bad guy in that.

[1:13:59] It's hard to imagine a bad guy.

[1:14:00] Christopher Walken's the bad guy in the Country Bears movie.

[1:14:03] Yeah, well, that there's a bad guy in there.

[1:14:05] Of course there's a bad guy.

[1:14:07] That's the thing.

[1:14:08] In the world of opposites, when you have Alpha and Omega,

[1:14:12] when you have a power for good as strong as the fucking country bears,

[1:14:15] you need an equally powerful force of evil to oppose them.

[1:14:20] Otherwise, it won't make sense.

[1:14:22] There won't be balance in the universe.

[1:14:23] The weird thing is he's playing the same character he played in Annie Hall,

[1:14:27] Diane Keaton's brother.

[1:14:28] Yeah, that's the strange thing.

[1:14:29] He grew up and became the evil villain who's going to stop the country bears.

[1:14:33] some jamboreeing i guess yes yeah dan how come they never made a movie out of the kitchen cabaret

[1:14:41] what's that you don't know the kitchen cabaret i don't know it's one of those animatronic shows

[1:14:46] they used to have at disney where a lot of foods would come out and sing about different types of

[1:14:50] nutrition that sounds fantastic it's the whole video's up on youtube when you're done watching

[1:14:55] the leather man go look it up once again don't google leather man don't google leather man

[1:15:02] Yeah, why not?

[1:15:03] I don't know what you're into.

[1:15:04] Yeah, sure.

[1:15:05] No, you're right.

[1:15:06] Yeah, sure.

[1:15:07] So now is the time on the Flophouse where we recommend a movie that we saw recently or not so recently.

[1:15:16] It's called Guardian of the Highlands.

[1:15:17] That we liked.

[1:15:19] That you should watch instead of wasting your lives like we do.

[1:15:23] Stu, you have a guess.

[1:15:25] I'm going to recommend a big, fat recommendation.

[1:15:28] I'm going to recommend a four-hour documentary titled Never Sleep Again.

[1:15:33] It's a documentary about Nightmare on Elm Street.

[1:15:36] It's on Netflix right now, so you can watch it for free.

[1:15:40] Just drag it over into your little queue.

[1:15:42] If you're already paying for Netflix.

[1:15:43] And then you click on the watch, watch it now.

[1:15:46] And then it will show up in your email inbox.

[1:15:50] You click accept, of course.

[1:15:52] Do not click disagree.

[1:15:54] So click accept.

[1:15:56] And then the movie will begin streaming.

[1:15:58] The two options are accept or disagree.

[1:16:01] And then what you need to do is jack in.

[1:16:06] Yeah, just free jack into that.

[1:16:09] Free jack into it, and it'll begin streaming directly in.

[1:16:12] Just contact your Shadowrunner.

[1:16:14] And your wetware.

[1:16:14] It's wetware because it's built into your body.

[1:16:17] It would be hardware if it was outside.

[1:16:18] Just set it up on your Existenz system.

[1:16:22] Now, part of the reason I recommend this is because it's great,

[1:16:25] And another reason is because it's a great, you know, it's all about the history of Nightmare on Elm Street.

[1:16:30] So it's great to see like an in-depth look at a fairly important horror franchise.

[1:16:35] It's great to see interviews with Wes Craven, who just passed away recently.

[1:16:41] And it's great to see Wes Craven both talk very enthusiastically about the Nightmare films that he worked on.

[1:16:48] And also kind of how like classy he was when talking about the stuff that he didn't agree with, like the stuff in Nightmare 2.

[1:16:55] and etc um and of course anything any moment that robert england is on screen in this thing

[1:17:03] is fucking pure gold because that guy is a treasure yeah um also watch people under the

[1:17:08] stairs that's another uh wes craven movie that's two recommendations there because that's the

[1:17:14] original leather man if you ask me wes craven no the bad guy and people under the stairs he's

[1:17:20] dressed up in like a weird leather daddy outfit even though he came like a hundred years after

[1:17:24] of the original Leatherman.

[1:17:25] The hobo that...

[1:17:26] I don't know the fucking story

[1:17:28] of the Leatherman.

[1:17:29] I haven't watched this documentary.

[1:17:30] You are in for a treat, my friend.

[1:17:32] He likes begging for pies.

[1:17:34] And living in caves.

[1:17:36] Didn't like people that much.

[1:17:37] Might have been French.

[1:17:38] I wanted to recommend a movie.

[1:17:41] Sorry, we're out of time.

[1:17:43] I liked so much,

[1:17:44] I forgot to recommend it last week.

[1:17:46] This is what I was going to recommend.

[1:17:47] It's called Cop Car.

[1:17:50] Cop Car?

[1:17:53] Cop Car.

[1:17:54] barely got a theatrical release it's i think it's it's theoretically still in theaters somewhere

[1:18:00] but you i saw it's doing it's doing a lot of business streaming yeah streaming is is where

[1:18:07] i saw it and it stars uh kevin bacon as a uh he's a car he's a sheriff he's a corrupt sheriff

[1:18:17] who loses his cop car that has a body in the trunk

[1:18:21] to two children who come across this car

[1:18:25] and steal it as sort of just, you know,

[1:18:30] like they're little kids.

[1:18:31] They're like, oh, it's cool.

[1:18:32] We found a cop car abandoned.

[1:18:34] Like, this is ours now.

[1:18:35] We can pretend we're cops.

[1:18:36] And Kevin Bacon is great in it

[1:18:40] because he walks this line between being very menacing

[1:18:45] and sort of like this panicked buffoon who lost his police car

[1:18:51] and is doing everything to get it back.

[1:18:52] But the ways he tries to get it back, he's a very smart villain

[1:18:58] who is in control of the situation until he's not,

[1:19:03] until things get away from him.

[1:19:05] And it's a movie that's sort of similar to something like Blood Simple or Blue Ruin.

[1:19:11] It's not as good as either of those quite,

[1:19:14] But it's, you know, a young or I don't know how young, but a new filmmaker like doing a stripped down thriller to sort of show what he can do and what he can do is very impressive.

[1:19:26] And also one of the things that's kind of thrilling about the movie is that it's really not afraid to put small children in danger, which is a trigger for a lot of people.

[1:19:37] but if you kind of enjoy that sort of ruthlessness

[1:19:42] in your thriller, like, it's...

[1:19:44] You enjoy seeing kids in danger.

[1:19:46] Yeah, watch Goonies, dude.

[1:19:47] No, I know what you mean.

[1:19:49] It ups the stakes of the film.

[1:19:50] It's not afraid to pull punches.

[1:19:52] Watch The Witches.

[1:19:53] They're all people in trouble.

[1:19:56] They're kids and witches, spoiler alert.

[1:19:58] And the director of that,

[1:20:00] Cop Car got him the amazing,

[1:20:03] the next Spider-Man movie directing gig, yeah.

[1:20:05] Because that's the way movies work now

[1:20:07] is someone shows promise in a small movie.

[1:20:09] Yep, now.

[1:20:10] This is the first time it works.

[1:20:12] And they're ruined by some huge superhero

[1:20:14] or monster franchise.

[1:20:15] Yeah.

[1:20:15] But I really enjoyed that movie a lot.

[1:20:18] That's my recommendation.

[1:20:20] I'd like to see that one.

[1:20:21] I have two movies I recommend real quick.

[1:20:24] One new and one old,

[1:20:25] but both about guys with emotional instabilities

[1:20:28] and mental instabilities.

[1:20:29] The first is a movie that's out now

[1:20:32] called The End of the Tour,

[1:20:34] starring Jason Segel and Jesse Eisenberg about David Foster Wallace,

[1:20:40] an author who I have not read that much of, I have to admit.

[1:20:45] This made me more interested in reading his stuff.

[1:20:47] But you always complain about his outfits.

[1:20:51] Yeah, well, part of the reason I never read his stuff was because I hated the way he dressed,

[1:20:54] which is shallow of me, and I felt especially bad after he committed suicide.

[1:20:59] But, hey, look, I don't like guys with long hair with bandanas and stuff, you know.

[1:21:04] But anyway, it knows what you likes and it's not that.

[1:21:07] Yep, that's for sure.

[1:21:09] But I thought it was a really good movie about two guys who are creative individuals who are not getting out of their creative output what they think they should be getting or what they hope to get.

[1:21:20] For Eisenberg's character, it's fame and attention and respect.

[1:21:25] And for Jason Segel's character, Dave Foster Wallace, it's, I guess, emotional wholeness, you know, or a feeling of belonging in the world.

[1:21:33] And the movie is mostly just conversation between these two people as they go.

[1:21:37] As Eisenberg, who's a reporter for Rolling Stone, follows David Foster Wallace at the end of his book tour for Infinite Jest.

[1:21:43] And I thought it was really good.

[1:21:45] The only thing I didn't like about it was at the end, there's music used on the soundtrack in a way that I found overbearing and emotionally manipulative.

[1:21:53] But until that moment, I was really enjoying it a lot.

[1:21:57] It's that Third Eye Blind song, right?

[1:21:59] That's exactly the one.

[1:22:03] And I'd recommend that.

[1:22:05] The other movie I'm going to recommend real quick is an older movie called Mirage with Gregory Peck and Diane Baker and Walter Matthau, which is a – it was directed by Edward Dmitryk, who was kind of a second-tier Hollywood director, never one of my favorites, although he has a good eye for shadows.

[1:22:21] And it feels very much like a Hitchcock-type movie, and it was written by the same guy who wrote Charade right after Charade.

[1:22:30] And Walter Matthau and George Kennedy are both in it like they were in Charade.

[1:22:33] And it's not quite as good as Charade, and in many ways it's almost like a not quite as good Manchurian candidate.

[1:22:39] But Gregory Peck is an American kind of New York businessman type in the mid-60s.

[1:22:46] He realizes that he doesn't remember anything about his life before a certain day and has to figure things out because he's on the run and some people are trying to kill him.

[1:22:56] Like Jason Bourne.

[1:22:57] Kind of, except with a lot less shaky camera.

[1:23:00] Okay.

[1:23:01] A lot of the exteriors were shot on location in New York,

[1:23:04] so there's a lot of great footage of New York in 1965,

[1:23:07] or 64, whenever they shot it.

[1:23:09] And it's just that there's a lot of good, funny lines in it

[1:23:12] and good scenes.

[1:23:13] It's one of those movies where it's much better

[1:23:16] before you know what's going on,

[1:23:19] where it's great to see Gregory Peck just being confronted

[1:23:22] by strange things and people trying to stop him,

[1:23:24] and he doesn't really know what's going on.

[1:23:26] But it's still enjoyable all the way through.

[1:23:28] Anyway, so it's not the most amazing movie in the world,

[1:23:31] but I enjoyed it a lot.

[1:23:32] All right.

[1:23:33] Fine.

[1:23:35] We did it.

[1:23:35] All three of us.

[1:23:37] Together.

[1:23:38] We certainly did.

[1:23:39] Five movie recommendations.

[1:23:40] Six if you count Guardian of the Highlands.

[1:23:44] Yeah.

[1:23:45] An embarrassment of riches.

[1:23:49] So pull up Netflix.

[1:23:52] Oh, God.

[1:23:53] And just zoom in.

[1:23:55] Tell your computer to enhance.

[1:23:56] Enhance.

[1:23:57] Enhance computer.

[1:23:58] Okay, now turn around.

[1:23:59] Good.

[1:24:00] Okay.

[1:24:01] Slower.

[1:24:02] Wow.

[1:24:03] Now use your little power glove to grab onto the Netflix button.

[1:24:08] Okay.

[1:24:08] Drag it into your main menu.

[1:24:10] Okay.

[1:24:11] You're going to have to go through a virtual world and open up a virtual filing cabinet to find the file for the movie.

[1:24:18] You're going to want to bing that title.

[1:24:20] Come on, Dan.

[1:24:22] Enough of your crazy nonsense.

[1:24:25] Yeah, why don't we just ask Jeeves about it?

[1:24:28] Why don't we just pets.com this thing?

[1:24:30] Well, it's been fun, guys.

[1:24:34] It's been a wild ride.

[1:24:35] Oh, yeah.

[1:24:35] Urban fetish.

[1:24:36] Our first small timber movie of the year.

[1:24:41] Small timber, and it's been kind of a great bikini off-road adventure for us.

[1:24:44] But we have to say goodbye for now.

[1:24:47] We're the Flophouse.

[1:24:48] I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:24:49] This guy is Stuart Wellington.

[1:24:51] And over here, Elliot Kalin saying thanks for listening all the way through.

[1:24:55] Good night, everyone.

[1:24:56] Fart.

[1:24:57] Thanks for ruining that, Stuart.

[1:24:59] You had a nice thing and you ruined it.

[1:25:01] Wow.

[1:25:01] So, man, we got some sizzle reel material here.

[1:25:10] The reel is sizzling.

[1:25:12] Tight five.

[1:25:13] Okay, I don't think that means what you think it means.

[1:25:17] It's five minutes of sizzling reel.

[1:25:19] Yep, reel sizzling.

[1:25:22] So, tonight we talked about...

[1:25:25] We talked about?

[1:25:26] Isn't that...

[1:25:27] Yeah, let's do the intro.

[1:25:28] Hasn't happened yet.

[1:25:28] Don't pass tenses.

[1:25:29] Why don't you start off?

[1:25:30] Wait, so I say,

[1:25:33] tonight on the Flophouse,

[1:25:35] we talked about...

[1:25:37] No.

[1:25:37] We haven't talked about it yet.

[1:25:38] Okay.

[1:25:39] Wait, I got it.

[1:25:42] Tonight on the Flophouse,

[1:25:44] we watched about

[1:25:45] Guardian of the Highlands.

[1:25:47] Yeah, we went on Walkabout,

[1:25:49] and we saw a weird movie

[1:25:50] with beavers and rabbits and Sean Connery.

[1:25:52] Um, no.

[1:25:55] Maximumfun.org

[1:25:58] Comedy and culture.

[1:25:59] Artist owned.

[1:26:00] Listener supported.

[1:26:01] Welcome to Oh No! Ross and Carrie.

[1:26:05] Ross.

[1:26:05] Hi, Carrie.

[1:26:06] What do you think is creepier?

[1:26:08] Okay.

[1:26:08] You jump into a swimming pool.

[1:26:11] All of a sudden, the water goes away.

[1:26:13] And instead of water,

[1:26:14] there is the bones of your dead ancestors.

[1:26:17] Ew.

[1:26:18] Or our show.

[1:26:19] That's pretty tough, because we visited a live exorcism.

[1:26:23] We joined the Ordo Templi Orientis, where we had to worship a naked lady.

[1:26:27] Oh, and we joined that Tony Alamo cult.

[1:26:28] They were scary.

[1:26:29] Super creepy.

[1:26:30] We joined the Aethery Society.

[1:26:32] We tried penis enlargement, or at least I did.

[1:26:34] Oh boy, I tried breast enlargement.

[1:26:35] We have basically done every creepy, weird, fringe thing, except for thousands more, which

[1:26:42] we will get to if you listen to our show.

[1:26:43] I'd still say the swimming pool of my ancestors' bones.

[1:26:46] Well, then I don't even know if people should listen.

[1:26:48] I guess they shouldn't.

[1:26:49] But if you want to, we're at Maximum Fun and the show's called I Know Ross and Carrie.

Ep. #186 - Guardian of the Highlands

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