Ep. #187 - Fateful Findings

[0:00] On tonight's episode, we watched Indie Darling.

[0:04] Fateful Frightenings.

[0:06] No, Fateful Findings.

[0:08] Frightful Findings.

[0:10] No, Fateful Findings.

[0:12] Fateful Findings.

[0:14] Five-0 goes West.

[0:15] What?

[0:16] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:43] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:45] As always, I am Stuart Wellington.

[0:48] And sometimes I'm not me, but today I am.

[0:50] I'm Ellie Kalin.

[0:51] Great.

[0:52] So if you're tuning in for the first time, this is a podcast where we watch a bad movie.

[0:59] Hey, thanks for tuning in.

[1:00] And then we talk about it.

[1:02] It's a weird time to interject that, Stuart.

[1:06] Yeah.

[1:07] Hey friends, and new friends, old friends, and you friends.

[1:13] Thanks Theodore Geisel.

[1:14] Poet Laureate of the Flophouse, Stuart Wellington.

[1:17] Hey, for new listeners, maybe you can shut off your brains for a moment, but for old

[1:22] listeners, I just, so much is directed to new listeners.

[1:26] Were you just encouraging them to commit suicide?

[1:29] Yeah.

[1:30] Well, we'll get back to that later on in Fateful Findings.

[1:33] Wait, spoiler alert.

[1:34] What are we, what?

[1:35] Spoiler, you heard it already in the intro.

[1:38] But yeah.

[1:39] Frightful Findings.

[1:40] For old listeners, I just, I have a little thing I want to address off the top.

[1:46] I want to just take a moment to say one personal thing, and that's that my wife and I are separating,

[1:53] and I only share this with you guys briefly so I don't have to talk around the changes

[1:58] in my life and pretend they haven't happened, which I think would be weird.

[2:02] But otherwise, this is obviously a very private thing, and I like to keep it that way.

[2:06] But just because the internet has a tendency to be a cruel place where people take sides

[2:12] on things, I just want to reiterate that there are no sides to be taken here.

[2:18] My wife, soon to be ex, but my wife Sarah is the best person I know, and we remain great

[2:25] friends, and we always will.

[2:28] And so I just wanted to say that off the top before we get back to being funny.

[2:33] And also, just, you know, we've had a lot of people write in and say that the podcast

[2:37] has helped them through bad times, and I want to say that the podcast is helping me through

[2:42] bad times, too.

[2:44] So I appreciate it.

[2:46] But that's that.

[2:47] I think I speak for everyone here at Flophouse Co. when I say that.

[2:52] You mean me and you?

[2:53] Yeah, the two of us.

[2:54] We say that we love you very much, and we're here for you, and that what that means in

[3:00] practical terms is if people want to go on the Facebook page and make jokes about this

[3:05] being because Dan's boring or something, then we'll probably blow up your house and kill

[3:10] your pets.

[3:11] So maybe don't do that.

[3:12] You're going to kill Dan's pets?

[3:14] No, not Dan's pets, although I don't like his cat.

[3:17] The people who say those things.

[3:18] But that's just because you're allergic.

[3:20] Let's keep it clean.

[3:21] Yeah.

[3:22] Let's keep it clean, Facebook friends.

[3:23] Above the belt.

[3:24] Keep it above the belt.

[3:25] Above the belt.

[3:26] Maybe be human beings on this one.

[3:27] That's not for everybody on the page, just for a few people who are jerks.

[3:32] But we don't need to dwell on that.

[3:35] We didn't watch a movie tonight.

[3:36] What?

[3:37] This is all we're going to talk about.

[3:38] Oh, boy.

[3:39] Now we can get back to being funny.

[3:43] I wanted to address that off the top so we can take the bad taste of it out of our mouths

[3:46] by then doing our regular show.

[3:49] Kind of a lot of pressure.

[3:50] Let's take the top off and talk about it.

[3:52] Much like this movie threatens to do many times.

[3:55] No, it takes up plenty of tops off.

[3:57] You just don't see what's underneath it.

[3:58] Yeah, and then it drops them on the ground outside of frame.

[4:02] Because Dan, look, let's just say one thing.

[4:05] Yeah.

[4:06] I'm going to.

[4:07] I'm just I'm just going to kill the suspense on this one about whether I like this movie.

[4:10] The movie we watched tonight was Faithful.

[4:12] Faithful Findings.

[4:15] It was Faithful Findings, a movie I've wanted to see for over a year now, I think, since

[4:19] I first saw it advertised online.

[4:21] And it was amazing.

[4:22] Look, you can have your rooms and your Birdemics.

[4:27] Now I'm a Faithful Findings man.

[4:29] Welcome to Small Vember, everybody.

[4:31] Yeah, that's the thing.

[4:32] This is definitely a small timber movie.

[4:34] This is a small member movie because small timber doesn't exist.

[4:38] This is a movie that I have to tell a little story, which is that.

[4:42] So gather round the hearth, Kinder.

[4:45] Another one of Dan McCoy's movie tales.

[4:48] Actually hold on for a second.

[4:50] Sorry, I had to briefly pause the recording to grab a letter, which was a way to pull

[4:56] back the curtain, wizard.

[4:59] I had planned to use words in their curtains.

[5:02] I really wanted to watch this movie for a small timber after seeing the small member,

[5:08] the trailer, and I tried buying it from the person who made it.

[5:14] What's his name?

[5:14] Mr. Neil Breen.

[5:16] It was written, directed, produced by and stars Neil Breen, who in his spare time is

[5:21] an architect and a handsome hard body all the time.

[5:24] The movie would have you believe a handsome hard body who is catnip to the ladies, even

[5:28] though the ladies in the movie kiss him as kind of chastely and with as little pleasure

[5:33] on their faces as possible.

[5:34] That's the thing. They're worried that they might cut themselves on his diamond like

[5:38] chiseled features.

[5:39] But I went on the Faithful Findings website and tried to purchase it direct from the

[5:44] source, and I paid the money and the DVD never showed up, which is very appropriate

[5:50] to the movie Faithful Findings.

[5:52] But as if by magic, a Flophouse fan, Josh Hollis, the guy, he's done a bunch of great

[6:02] Flophouse Photoshop.

[6:04] He did copies of the Flophouse Inquirer, a bunch of great Flophouse in jokes.

[6:10] But he mailed a copy of the DVD for Faithful Findings to us unbeknownst, like he did not

[6:17] know that it was something that we wanted to watch.

[6:20] And it just magically appeared right before.

[6:23] So in a way, didn't you get the DVD you bought?

[6:25] Yeah. As if by kismet.

[6:26] Yep. It's almost like a mushroom magically morphed into that DVD.

[6:31] Yeah. Which leads us into, I guess.

[6:33] Well, let's just say this was a case of serendipity, when fate has a sense of humor.

[6:38] Just trying John Cusack.

[6:40] So Neil Brain is an independent filmmaker and also the most independent, independent from

[6:47] logic, skill, talent, storytelling ability.

[6:50] And let me. Often alone in the shots that he let me just say that the subtitle on the

[6:55] poster for Faithful Findings is this, the subtitle on the poster, a paranormal thriller

[7:00] where a computer hacker exposes worldwide secrets that is much more succinct than the

[7:06] movie. It describes about two or three of the six or so plots that are going on in this

[7:10] movie, which include it's going to be so hard to talk about this movie in chronological

[7:14] order. But let's. Yeah. So I'm just going to mention off the top.

[7:17] We're going to try this.

[7:18] Mention off the top that there is a novelist computer hacker who exposes secret

[7:22] government and corporate secrets, as he calls them.

[7:25] His drug addicted, pill popping wife, his drunk neighbor, who is a wife, does not want

[7:31] to have sex with him.

[7:32] He's crazy. Teen neighbor, the teen daughter of his neighbors who is trying to seduce him.

[7:37] Also, there's a ghost and also magic stone powers.

[7:42] Let's not. And disappearing people, just a bunch of random disappearing people who we

[7:46] don't quite understand.

[7:47] Two psychotherapists, two psychotherapists, one of whom is some sort of paranormal ghost

[7:52] spirit. Yeah, like an old gypsy woman, not very good at his job.

[7:55] Yeah. And so let's start from the beginning, shall we?

[7:58] We begin sometime in the past.

[8:00] There are two kids are tromping through the woods as kids do, and they find a mushroom on

[8:04] the ground which dissolves into a magic box of stones.

[8:07] Yep. So we're in like Russo Finnish folktale territory already.

[8:12] It doesn't do the normal thing that a mushroom does, which is either make someone

[8:15] larger or smaller or make Super Mario more super.

[8:19] That's what makes them bigger.

[8:20] Yeah, that's just science.

[8:22] Yeah. Well, the thing is, you want to get the right mushroom.

[8:25] Some mushrooms make you bigger and smaller.

[8:27] Some turn you super.

[8:28] One gives you like an extra die or something, right?

[8:31] Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's a one up mushroom.

[8:33] And some of them just make you real nice.

[8:36] I don't know what that means.

[8:37] Make you real nice.

[8:40] I don't understand. You know, like a mushroom that teaches you etiquette and politeness.

[8:47] How's your eye making that sound every time you wink?

[8:49] That's really a disease.

[8:54] So they find this magic mushroom, which is not a drug.

[8:57] It's an actual mushroom. That's magic.

[8:59] Yeah. They take stones from it.

[9:01] And the girl writes in her diary, turns into a little box in a bag.

[9:04] And they just keep pushing the rope that ties the bag over.

[9:08] And then they cover it up with grass and it turns back into a mushroom.

[9:11] And oh, by the way, there was a cattle skull that kind of like just kind of nodded.

[9:15] And after finding this magical box mushroom, the young girl writes in her diary.

[9:20] It's a wonderful day.

[9:21] It's a magical day.

[9:22] Oh, shit. She writes it.

[9:23] I watch a different movie.

[9:24] That's the one thing she writes on the page.

[9:27] Like diagonally across the lines.

[9:30] It's a magical day.

[9:31] Unfortunately, she and her family are moving away.

[9:34] And a voiceover tells us that she has a bracelet, a voiceover.

[9:39] That's important for later.

[9:40] A voiceover from the boy, now a grown man, played by Neil Breen,

[9:43] tells us that he never heard from her again.

[9:45] And he never saw her again at the end of that magical summer.

[9:48] And there's like eight shots of the car driving away

[9:51] and the kid running after waving at it.

[9:54] And the distance that the kid is from the car keeps shifting from.

[10:00] from shot to shot and the cars moving at three miles an hour as it drives away

[10:05] and it's as if he found two children who have never waved before in their life

[10:09] and then he had a dog teach them how to do it

[10:16] let's just right at the top mention that everything in this movie is done at the

[10:20] lowest level of competency everything this movie does is wrong but it's like in a

[10:25] great way like

[10:27] i could not if i was trying

[10:29] desperately hard to make a movie that was

[10:32] poorly made and made that was terrible in no sense i would never be able to achieve it

[10:36] i would have to unlearn so much basic film grammar

[10:40] tim and eric could only dream of making this movie they hope one day to sit at the feet of this

[10:44] buddha of filmmaking like compared to this guy tommy wazzo is like hitchcock

[10:49] you know basically like that is not an exaggeration the room is much more

[10:54] competently made than this film so we flash forward to the present

[10:57] a guy is walking down a sidewalk

[11:00] it cuts to a woman and this is intercut with shots of just random shit that doesn't

[11:04] seem to make any sense there's a long panning shot

[11:07] uh... along tracking shots right

[11:09] down the hallway of a storage locker facility apology accepted to a magic

[11:14] book on a pedestal of some kind that gold dust is falling on

[11:18] okay cut away from that we're not interested anymore

[11:21] uh... the guys walking down the street turns out he's on the phone with his

[11:24] wife even though

[11:25] we don't hear him talking or see him talking

[11:28] uh... and she is

[11:30] glad he's coming home soon

[11:31] she is at her kitchen sink which is beautifully decorated with a potted

[11:35] plant and three bananas

[11:38] it's like they wanted the room to look lived in so they just added the kind of

[11:43] potted plant you put outside a back door

[11:45] yeah three bananas on the plate what kind of clip art can i drag over into this shot

[11:52] uh... he is hit by a car a rolls royce

[11:55] driven by a very busty lady whose face we never see

[11:59] but uh... she's certainly nipply that's that's what we know about her

[12:04] that's what the apb for the police put up for her

[12:07] suspect is nipply i repeat headlights are on

[12:11] this begins the major theme of the movie which is teasing the viewer with the

[12:15] idea that they might get to see breasts and then not showing them there are like

[12:19] four at least busty women in this movie

[12:22] that they keep four at least busty

[12:25] like they keep showing scenes where they are topless

[12:28] but they're lying on their chest so you see their side or their back is to you

[12:32] or there's two different scenes where a woman's shirt comes off and you just see

[12:36] her feet and the shirt falls down on her feet and in one of them the shirt makes a thump sound

[12:42] like there's some hilarious sound effects in here

[12:45] uh... so he's hit by a car there's blood everywhere

[12:48] on his face

[12:49] uh... he's lying perfectly still on his back just really trying to reach his

[12:53] flip phone

[12:56] but it's one of those razor phones where like it's open sideways yeah because he's a famous

[13:00] novelist dude

[13:02] uh... it's uh... he

[13:04] goes to the hospital he's given up he has a magic stone in his hand i don't

[13:07] know if he's given it or not

[13:08] they take him to the hospital very slowly

[13:11] they spend so much time putting an oxygen mask on his face

[13:14] like if this was an instructional film about applying oxygen masks to the faces

[13:18] of coma victims

[13:20] they would do it

[13:21] with more speed there are also just like five people standing in a line saying

[13:25] is he dead

[13:26] is he breathing and each time someone says something it's intercut with a slow panning shot of their feet

[13:33] and there's a shot of a guy going

[13:34] he was hit by that Rolls Royce I'm a witness I saw it the Rolls Royce was right there

[13:39] it's still there and it's still got blood all over the front of it so you're a great witness great

[13:45] there's so many shot scenes where it's a cut it's a close-up of someone saying a line

[13:49] then either a cutaway to a panning shot of something unrelated

[13:52] or a close-up of another person having a totally unrelated conversation like

[13:57] it's like there's it's like waiting for Godot level like

[14:02] like ambiguous dialogue at times anyway so he goes to the hospital

[14:05] he's got a he's like out of a phantom of the opera of gauze all over his face just like covering half his face

[14:11] some people who we figure out are his wife and a friend because the guy says

[14:15] I'm his closest friend I can't believe this has happened to him

[14:20] they're there the doctor takes a long time before he says anything

[14:24] there's a long shot of the doctor

[14:27] the wife and the friend and the doctor is just looking around

[14:30] I guess the idea is supposed to be that he's examining the patient but he's just kind of looking at all the stuff in the room

[14:35] and he tells them it's there's nothing he can do

[14:39] he's very he's a there's very little brain activity

[14:42] the neurologist comes over she says he's not my client I'll take a look

[14:46] she feels his pulse and then says there's nothing you know he's he suffered severe brain

[14:51] comatose he's as good a doctor as Sean Connery was in Guardians of the Highlands

[14:58] maybe she studied under him like Lorraine Brocco in Medicine Man

[15:02] and so she took his philosophy of I'm gonna stand next to people and talk about how bad it could possibly be

[15:07] and hope that that shocks them into getting better

[15:11] he fortunately though has a magic rock in his hand and that heals him I guess

[15:16] he gets up and walks away on his own

[15:19] although maybe he's a ghost based on later things that happen in the movie

[15:23] yeah magic wind blows by like the wind in the willows or something

[15:26] cut to his hallway at home where his

[15:29] oh he gets up and we see his butt through his hospital gown

[15:32] yeah this is the only nudity you see in the movie despite all the tease

[15:35] is his hospital gown open in the back because like Tommy Wiseau

[15:38] low-budget auteurs believe they have the greatest hinders in the universe

[15:42] and you've got to see him

[15:44] I mean when a guy spends this much time in his body he should show it off it's a waste of

[15:48] you don't want to cover up that treasure

[15:51] he's a little bit like a guy who he's just a normal guy who doesn't really take great care of himself

[15:55] jogs every now and then and someone once said to him

[15:58] hey if you squint a little you look kind of like David Duchovny

[16:01] and he's like I should be a movie star

[16:04] like if you squint a little you look like Bob Shay from New Line

[16:07] you know if I don't if I look like a little bit you could be you know

[16:12] you could be a you could be a movie star

[16:15] if I don't if I look like a little bit you could be you know the lead singer from Rush

[16:20] he's kind of an Alan Rickman without the dangerous like sexiness that Alan Rickman brings

[16:27] more puffiness

[16:29] except he's got a very sharp cheekbones

[16:32] and his eyes glow with an inner animation that gets more and more as the movie goes on

[16:37] anyway cut to his hallway at home where his hospital gown and his bloody bandages

[16:42] are just littered the floor and he's in the shower

[16:44] which implies that he walked home in his hospital gown

[16:47] like nobody stopped him

[16:49] his wife is like oh you're home

[16:51] and they embrace in the shower

[16:53] out of concern she gets in the shower with him

[16:55] and they slow dance

[16:57] while he wears that like half mask bandage thing

[17:00] he still has the bandage on his face he's otherwise naked

[17:03] she is in a shift that's becoming see-through with the water

[17:06] with bloody pink water

[17:07] and they just kind of hold each other and turn slightly from side to side

[17:11] and that begins another theme in the movie which is

[17:13] the romantic the lead actor's romantic interest in the movie

[17:18] not wanting to touch him very much

[17:21] and wanting to kind of keep their distance in the love scene

[17:23] that's another similarity between him and Tommy Wiseau

[17:26] I think it's pretty clear that the romantic leads do not want to get involved with him

[17:31] no

[17:32] well they're sexually intimidated

[17:34] now you're going to have to help me

[17:35] I believe that then cut to the scene where the neighbor

[17:39] their best friends

[17:40] their neighbor is having a drunken argument with his wife

[17:43] who does not care for wearing bras

[17:45] she likes to wear loose halter tops

[17:47] that she can just kind of

[17:49] you know bounce around in

[17:51] she lounges around talking about how bad her job is at the bank

[17:55] in the office at the bank

[17:57] oh I just got that relationship now

[18:00] he complains that he doesn't

[18:02] they haven't had sex in a long time

[18:04] their daughter over

[18:05] his daughter who's her stepdaughter overhears this

[18:08] he is just despondent over it

[18:10] cut to

[18:12] again now

[18:13] there's so many cuts

[18:14] here's where I'm not sure where the order of things happens

[18:16] now we find out that

[18:18] this movie

[18:19] for a movie that's ostensibly about

[18:21] secret government secrets

[18:23] and ghosts

[18:25] doing magical things

[18:27] like most of it is interpersonal relationships

[18:30] and people hitting on the main character

[18:32] it kind of feels like

[18:34] there's a guy who saw Donnie Darko

[18:36] and he also saw

[18:40] like a John Cassavetes film

[18:42] Marathon

[18:43] and he's like why can't I do it all

[18:45] why can't I have some kind of supernatural conspiracy thriller

[18:48] and also

[18:49] you know what

[18:50] throw in these real relationship arguments

[18:52] and at times it also feels like a David Lynch movie

[18:54] the way that there's something seedy and creepy going on

[18:58] but it's mostly like soap opera stuff

[19:00] but it's not intentionally that I don't think

[19:03] yeah I mean it feels like it directly lifts

[19:05] Angelo Badalamente's Twin Peaks score

[19:07] for most of these scenes

[19:08] well crossed with like weird like Irish

[19:11] flute music from Titanic

[19:12] there's a lot of lilting Irish flute

[19:13] that's true

[19:14] and also that he does

[19:15] has dream sequences where he's in like an

[19:17] oozy black room

[19:19] that's never really explained

[19:20] which

[19:21] like we were talking about

[19:22] there's something about incredibly inept filmmaking

[19:25] that can be inadvertently super creepy

[19:28] because nobody acts like humans at that point

[19:31] they all act like weird mannequins

[19:33] or reptile people

[19:34] that are wearing the skin of humans

[19:36] it feels like we eavesdropped on a suburb

[19:39] where everyone's an undercover alien

[19:41] but they're all from different alien species

[19:43] so none of them know how humanity operates

[19:45] but they don't want to blow their cover

[19:46] even to each other

[19:48] so here

[19:49] I'm just going to talk about what happens in the movie

[19:51] in a general sense

[19:52] I don't remember the order of it

[19:53] so a lot of the next like half hour of the movie roughly

[19:55] seems to take place in his weird office

[19:57] which is

[19:58] we only see the corner of

[20:00] And it's just a desk covered in four or five of the same book and five open laptops that are never turned on

[20:07] They're never turned on. They're all the same Sony laptop. But he types on them and he breaks them and then he uses them again later

[20:12] They're great laptops. They're so durable. They don't even have to be turned on and you can write, you can do some hacking.

[20:18] You don't even have to type normally you can just bang at them randomly.

[20:21] We learn he's a computer scientist who somehow became a best-selling novelist. He's tired of writing novels.

[20:26] He's hacked into government and corporate secrets.

[20:30] When he's realized that he has no more worlds to conquer in the novel game.

[20:34] Yeah, he becomes a super hacker.

[20:37] He mentions he's hacked into these secrets to his wife.

[20:39] Then he mentions it to her again and she's shocked by it the second time.

[20:43] Then and she says oh you're in trouble.

[20:45] Then we forget about that plot for a long time as we get involved with the wife's addiction to the husband's pills.

[20:52] His psychoanalyst has been prescribing some kind of pain addictive pain pills that his psychoanalyst prescribes.

[21:00] We get into that. We get into the alcohol problem of the psychoanalyst who meets him in a conference room.

[21:07] He walks up a stairway in a mansion and ends up in a conference room.

[21:11] It's a weird mansion though, because if you look down the hall, there's clearly like an exit sign.

[21:16] So maybe it's not a mansion. I feel like it's like a massage parlor.

[21:21] It certainly doesn't look like an office.

[21:24] No, it's not an office.

[21:24] It could be a hotel or a spa maybe.

[21:29] The sign on the psychoanalyst's door says suite 1111, Dr. So-and-so.

[21:34] It's like you couldn't even think of an interesting number for the room.

[21:37] It's just one after just four ones.

[21:40] But also he does his therapy like there's a long conference table.

[21:43] There's like eight chairs in between them and they each sit on the opposite end of the table like that scene in Citizen Kane.

[21:49] That's supposed to indicate how far Kane and his wife have gone across.

[21:53] It's like if in Network, Peter Finch was going to his therapist when he went to see Ned Beatty

[21:59] and Ned Beatty yelled at him about the order of the universe.

[22:02] Like that's what this room is set up like.

[22:06] Maybe it's a new radical form of therapy where you pretend you're at a meeting,

[22:10] but the distance you sit from each other is a physical representation of the emotional distance between the two of you.

[22:16] Or like each chair is filled with one of the monkeys that's on your back.

[22:21] He goes, come in the room.

[22:23] Now let's populate this room with all the people you have issues with in your life.

[22:27] We're going to have a meeting right here.

[22:29] I call it terrible therapy.

[22:33] So the doctor's really pushing these pills.

[22:35] I think because the wife is asking him to so she can get to them.

[22:38] That's never really clear or not.

[22:40] He says no more pills and throws them in the toilet, but she pulls them out again.

[22:44] Yeah, she scoops them out.

[22:45] They have some conversations that are like eight conversations condensed into one conversation.

[22:53] They keep going back and forth about like how she can't take it anymore.

[22:57] And then they reconcile and then she can't take it anymore.

[23:01] They have sex on his desk.

[23:02] But that's the most hilarious scene.

[23:04] He starts throwing his computers on the floor and then his papers.

[23:08] Super slowly.

[23:10] It's not like he like sweeps everything off his desk in a fit of passion.

[23:14] One at a time.

[23:15] And she thinks this is hilarious.

[23:16] Never breaking eye contact with her.

[23:18] He sweeps shit off his desk onto the floor.

[23:22] It's like that scene.

[23:23] He's sweeping laptops off his computer like he's breaking his things.

[23:27] It reminded me more of that scene in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels where Steve Martin is playing

[23:30] Ruprecht and he's like upset and he slowly drops one thing after the other off the mantle.

[23:36] But that's how he's doing it.

[23:38] Once he's done clearing the desk, I guess he still has efforts.

[23:40] They start tearing at each other's shirts as if they're trying to take them off.

[23:44] But they're just kind of ripping them.

[23:46] And that's when the playful monkeys.

[23:50] Well, it certainly feels like she didn't realize that this was going to be a love scene.

[23:55] She thought at first she thinks it's a scene where he's trying to attack her.

[23:59] And she's just fighting back.

[24:00] And then she's like, oh, no, no, wait.

[24:01] OK, this is your idea of making love because you're a weirdo.

[24:04] So we're going to do these super awkward kisses because she couldn't handle the

[24:08] raw masculinity that Neil Breen is bringing to the scene.

[24:11] Yeah, they're kissing both on the side of their mouths, ramming them together.

[24:15] Maybe it's a situation where like the time Jackie Chan had a love interest

[24:19] in a movie and all these women killed themselves.

[24:21] Maybe Neil Breen wanted to spare the rest of.

[24:23] Except he has three to four love interests in this movie.

[24:26] That's true.

[24:26] But all those kisses seem very forced.

[24:29] They couldn't think there's actual passion there.

[24:31] They are.

[24:31] The kisses are done with all the realistic passion of a reluctant first time lesbian porn actress.

[24:38] Who is not interested in being in this lesbian scene?

[24:41] But you got to pay the bills.

[24:42] So she's going to kiss the tarps on the ground.

[24:45] You better do something with it.

[24:47] That's the most horrible thing I've ever heard.

[24:51] The tarp doesn't get picked back up until it's been ladies.

[24:55] What are you going to do?

[24:56] Break some leaves onto it?

[24:57] No, it's on the ground.

[25:00] We can't put it over a pool.

[25:03] So you better make some use of it.

[25:05] So that's...

[25:07] Make sweet love.

[25:10] The daughter from next door comes over.

[25:13] Oh, so there's a big barbecue.

[25:15] Oh, and it is big.

[25:16] It's so big.

[25:17] Because it's so big that several shots are repeated.

[25:20] As if the director doesn't think that we'll notice that they just did the same shot over again.

[25:24] They have a beach umbrella with a sponsor company name on it

[25:27] set up at the head of the stairs of the pool,

[25:30] which it makes no sense when you'd have an umbrella.

[25:32] Every scene of the party has like six people in it,

[25:36] but the background sound effect sounds like Final Fantasy VII

[25:40] where Cloud is at like a fucking bar or something.

[25:43] Or like the sound effects from The Beatles.

[25:46] You know my name, look up the number.

[25:50] He wants you to think there's at least, well, more than five people at the party.

[25:54] When it doesn't make sense...

[25:56] I mean, I don't even know why he wants you to think that.

[25:59] What is it tempting?

[26:01] Oh, boy.

[26:02] So the party scene, that's when the movie starts getting interesting.

[26:06] It really kicks into gear.

[26:07] So the drunk neighbor hits on the wife.

[26:09] She doesn't want anything to do with it.

[26:11] And to show how drunk he is, she goes, you're drunk.

[26:12] He's like, no, I'm not.

[26:13] And then he knocks over a plate full of corn.

[26:16] This is after the wife has taken the main character's whole ear of corn from his plate.

[26:22] So the stealing of corn is really a big...

[26:25] It's one of those great shots where normally the director would be like,

[26:29] that was super awkward.

[26:30] Let's do it again.

[26:31] But instead, he's like, no, let's just keep it.

[26:33] It's weird the way she takes an entire ear of corn off my plate,

[26:36] and I awkwardly adjust it so all the chicken doesn't fly off.

[26:40] Also, when the drunk guy knocks the plate of corn over, you don't see his face.

[26:44] It's like a shot from the neck down, from an angle pointing down.

[26:47] Extreme close-up, like the rest of this movie.

[26:49] Of the corn.

[26:49] And then he knocks it over, and he knocks another thing over,

[26:52] and then he just waves his hands around.

[26:53] Yeah, it looks like he's doing a little shimmy, like he's dancing.

[26:56] Like he was supposed to have more of a drunk bedlam scene,

[27:02] but they only had two plates to knock over.

[27:04] So he's just kind of waving his hands, and you don't notice he's not knocking anything over.

[27:08] They only had two plates, and he had to stay in frame the whole time.

[27:11] So like, be drunk within a very specific set of confines.

[27:14] But more importantly, the neurologist that saw him in the hospital shows up.

[27:18] The one who, he wasn't her patient, but she would see him anyway?

[27:21] Yes, and I think we find out why.

[27:22] She's wearing the bracelet that the girl...

[27:25] She killed Leah and took the bracelet?

[27:27] No, that is not the inference you're supposed to have.

[27:30] She is Leah.

[27:32] She looks so much younger than our lead.

[27:34] Well, and here's that, this is...

[27:35] Okay, so this is my theory about that.

[27:37] In addition to being...

[27:38] She was a neurologist on the International Space Station.

[27:41] She spent some time in space, maybe flying at light speed.

[27:44] Because of the laws of relativity, she has aged at a slower rate than our hero,

[27:48] who is clearly 15 to 20 years older than her.

[27:51] I would think it might be exposure to the magical energies of the black rock

[27:55] that he holds in his hand.

[27:56] That it's aged him somehow?

[27:58] Yeah, it's absorbing his life energies.

[28:00] I see, it's like Elric's sword?

[28:03] Uh, Stormbringer?

[28:04] Yeah.

[28:04] Yeah, it's exactly like that.

[28:06] Where she found the bracelet of life, which gives her eternal youth.

[28:10] Yeah, like the weird gem bracelet she wears?

[28:12] Yeah, yeah.

[28:13] So he realizes...

[28:14] You know the hologram?

[28:15] Maybe, I don't know, does she have...

[28:17] I'm assuming she has a bracelet.

[28:18] She has a ton of bracelets, it's the 80s, everyone was wearing bracelets.

[28:21] The Misfits, their songs are better, that's what I know.

[28:23] Yeah, especially when Danzig was still with them.

[28:25] Yeah.

[28:27] Afterwards, not so much.

[28:27] I never understood why Gem in the Holograms,

[28:30] the cartoon would pick a name for their villain band that is a real band's name.

[28:34] It's not like the Misfits named themselves after the Gem in the Holograms band.

[28:38] Been around since like, 79.

[28:40] I don't know.

[28:41] I don't know.

[28:42] They just never heard of it?

[28:43] It's like she...

[28:44] Let's get the creator, get him on the phone.

[28:45] I was just gonna say, the creator of Gem in the Holograms,

[28:47] I'm disappointed in your lack of knowledge about the horror punk genre.

[28:51] Why don't you pick a brand new name that nobody's used,

[28:53] like the Riverbottom Nightmare Band?

[28:58] Nobody's ever used that.

[29:00] Or Spin Doctors.

[29:01] Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

[29:02] If you wanna be, you know, super great.

[29:06] So he recognizes her and immediately is so happy

[29:12] and is holding hands with her constantly throughout the party,

[29:15] right in front of his wife.

[29:16] There's a great part where he's holding her hand

[29:17] and it cuts to the wife noticing

[29:19] and then it cuts back to their hands pulling away from each other real fast.

[29:23] But the timing is just bad enough that everything is super unnatural.

[29:27] So he has found her.

[29:29] They will eventually go frolicking in the woods

[29:32] and have another one of these weird lovemaking things

[29:35] where a shirt falls on the ground,

[29:36] while his wife...

[29:39] Well, I'm getting ahead of myself

[29:40] because his wife dies of a painkiller overdose,

[29:43] knocking over a glass of water on the bed.

[29:45] Yeah, which we're supposed to read, I guess, as white wine,

[29:47] but it is clearly just water.

[29:49] But this is only after.

[29:51] So his best friend is always tooling around on his Ferrari,

[29:55] by which I mean polishing the mirror,

[29:57] because that's all he knows how to do with his car.

[29:59] Yep.

[30:00] His wife comes in and they argue, then the wife leaves and then comes back with a gun.

[30:04] She says, I'm going to shoot holes all through that car, but then shoots her husband.

[30:08] The daughter runs in and sees that she did it and the mother is like,

[30:13] Don't go in there.

[30:14] Don't go in. You didn't see anything.

[30:15] You didn't see anything.

[30:16] And then the daughter goes, you killed him really calmly.

[30:20] And she says, you didn't see anything.

[30:21] And then the daughter goes, dad, dad, and is running towards him.

[30:24] And it's like, did you reverse the order of those shots when you were editing?

[30:28] Because she seems to get she goes from calm to super.

[30:31] Yeah.

[30:32] Elliot, have you ever been in that fucking situation, dude?

[30:35] That is a good point. I cannot judge.

[30:37] Your stepmom shoots your dad while your dad was, I guess, massaging his Ferrari Testarossa.

[30:43] You know what? I don't have a stepmom, but my dad doesn't have a Ferrari.

[30:45] So I don't think I'll ever.

[30:46] And then the mom lays the gun down near the dead husband.

[30:50] The perfect crime.

[30:52] Without wiping it for prints or anything.

[30:55] Or putting the gun in his hand or anything like that.

[30:58] And says, oh, he committed suicide.

[31:00] She already burned her fingerprints off in an accident years ago.

[31:03] And other than the daughter telling our hero, oh, my mom killed him.

[31:08] It wasn't a suicide.

[31:10] This is not revisited at all.

[31:11] There's no resolution.

[31:13] Never again.

[31:14] Oh, I should mention about the daughter.

[31:15] We forgot to mention that she appears in one of the many almost topless scenes

[31:19] when she just shows up at their pool after the barbecue

[31:22] and is just standing at the top of the pool stairs

[31:25] like kind of knee deep in the water, just splashing water at nothing.

[31:29] Then she takes her top off.

[31:31] From the back.

[31:32] We see her from the back.

[31:33] And calls for Dylan, the hero.

[31:35] And he goes, oh, no, you can't do this.

[31:37] Stop it.

[31:38] And then she puts her top immediately back on.

[31:40] Puts her top on and then goes to take a bubble bath.

[31:42] I mean, he's a grown, handsome man.

[31:45] There's no way this teenage girl could handle that.

[31:48] No, no.

[31:48] That's why he says no to her, because she's just not ready.

[31:50] He would destroy her.

[31:51] He would ruin her.

[31:52] She wouldn't be able to walk for a month.

[31:54] Nor would she ever be satisfied with another man.

[31:56] No, she'd never find that sort of joy again.

[31:58] I don't think that's the moral of what happened.

[32:00] It's one of the it's like the movie that the guy mentions to Woody Allen in Manhattan,

[32:06] where the woman is so satisfied by her orgasm that she dies instantly.

[32:10] That's what would have happened.

[32:12] Okay.

[32:13] Anyway, what Elliot said.

[32:16] He says no, no.

[32:17] She tries to take a bubble bath.

[32:19] Classic Poison Ivy new seduction move.

[32:21] He's not falling for it.

[32:23] And his wife.

[32:24] Then he's cut to.

[32:25] He's on the couch with his laptop working.

[32:27] Wife's like, oh, was Ali here?

[32:29] He's like, I can't talk.

[32:30] I'm too busy working.

[32:32] You know, slap, slap, slap.

[32:34] You know what she did?

[32:35] She was swimming in the pool, topless, and then she tried to take a bath.

[32:39] And the wife goes, I'll call my friend.

[32:42] And the neighbor gets on the phone and goes, thank you for telling me about that.

[32:45] She shouldn't do that.

[32:46] I'll talk to her about it.

[32:47] Cut to the daughter in her room, grounded, crying.

[32:50] But also the, our hero said, I told her that she couldn't come back here again.

[32:54] Without permission, without calling first.

[32:57] It's like, what?

[32:58] I don't understand how that would have changed the situation.

[33:02] The, uh, this is after we've had, uh, before the scene.

[33:06] I don't remember where he's arguing with his wife and he's on the laptop and she's like,

[33:10] I'm having a hard time at work.

[33:11] And he's like, I'm busy.

[33:13] And then cut to her talking, cut back to him.

[33:14] The laptop's gone.

[33:16] And he's cross-legged on the couch with bare feet.

[33:18] Just kind of rapping with her.

[33:20] You know, like, I like girlfriends.

[33:22] There's anyway, so he reconnects with his, you're doing a great job by the way.

[33:29] This is a hard movie.

[33:30] This is a tough one.

[33:30] Like I've forgotten.

[33:31] This movie is a real calamity.

[33:33] You've forgotten more about this movie than you remember.

[33:36] They took a bunch of scenes, put them in a sack and just shook it up and just emptied

[33:40] that onto some film.

[33:41] So many shots will have a character, like a closeup of a character saying something super

[33:45] weird.

[33:46] And then it will immediately cut to a closeup of that character wearing different clothes,

[33:50] doing something different.

[33:51] And you're like, how much time passed?

[33:53] I don't know what's going on.

[33:54] Is this the same scene?

[33:55] There's a scene where they have dinner with their friends.

[33:59] Yeah, it's all shot in one shot.

[34:01] It's all one shots.

[34:02] And I don't think it's dinner because at no point do we see food.

[34:06] She says, I'll go get the food now.

[34:08] But the, yeah, but yeah, that's the cheapest way to get around a big dinner.

[34:14] But they are having so many different conversations with each other.

[34:18] And there's that line is completely unrelated to the teenage daughter wants to talk about

[34:22] her fucking stupid elephant class project.

[34:25] She's almost done with school.

[34:26] They're doing a great project about elephants.

[34:28] It's like, are you in elementary school?

[34:33] Anyway, so let's give a head to he's reconnected with his childhood girlfriend, Leah, who they

[34:40] go out to the forest to find their magic mushroom place again.

[34:43] They find it and it turns into a box with some strings or tassels or something.

[34:47] His wife kills herself with pills while they're making love while he's out.

[34:53] Their shirts hit the floor again.

[34:55] Well, yeah, he's out padding.

[34:57] He's got to move, dude.

[34:58] Adding her face with his lips as if checking it for lice in some way.

[35:04] It's like her face is a minefield.

[35:07] And he's worried that if he kisses too hard, she's going to explode.

[35:10] Sure, she for her, it's almost she's worried that if she touches too much of his face,

[35:15] she'll be reduced to cinders and ashes from the sheer heat of his passion.

[35:21] And he pushes her shirt down in a weird way.

[35:25] And then it falls just over his shoulder, just over the shoulders for a little while.

[35:29] And you're like, do they do they think that we can't see the top of her shirt peeking

[35:34] out of the bottom of the frame?

[35:36] Are we supposed to think that she's nude?

[35:38] I don't understand.

[35:38] And instead of thinking she's nude, they're going to have sex.

[35:41] What you think is or they're in love.

[35:43] What you think is before this shot, they negotiated how far he could pull her shirt down.

[35:48] And the great thing about it is right after that, it'll immediately cut over to a shot

[35:51] of him with his shirt pushed most of the way down.

[35:54] So the girls in the audience for the ladies, I want to reiterate Han Solo for the for the

[35:59] crowd.

[36:00] I want to reiterate that, like, we may seem super pervy for like focusing on this so much,

[36:06] but the movie drove us to it.

[36:07] There is a movie is constantly like it was trolling.

[36:10] It was like the movie was playing a joke where it's like, let's see how close we can get

[36:17] to having someone be naked without being naked.

[36:19] The only way this movie could be more entrapment is if Catherine Zeta-Jones slid under some

[36:22] lasers with a pair of pants on.

[36:24] Yeah, with leather pants on.

[36:28] If she did it in like a skirt, that's not entrapment.

[36:30] No, that's not the same movie.

[36:32] So, yeah, OK, so this is around the time we get back to the storyline of the secret government

[36:39] and corporate secrets that he hacked into.

[36:41] He has a lot of loud arguments with, I guess, his publisher on the phone about how they're

[36:45] not respecting him and they keep asking for deadlines.

[36:48] And he throws around the same three copies of his book in the same way that he throws

[36:51] around his laptop.

[36:53] He has three laptops and four copies of his book, and he's just always throwing them or

[36:58] tapping them on things.

[36:59] Anyway, there's definitely a scene where he accidentally throws that he throws the book

[37:04] at his laptop and it flips over to reveal a spine.

[37:06] And, you know, that wasn't in the like the plan because it doesn't say his name on it.

[37:12] The this sometime before this.

[37:15] What about the scene where he passes out and spills coffee on his face?

[37:20] We forgot he starts making a face like he loves it and he can't get enough to the car

[37:24] accident.

[37:24] He's having headaches because, of course, he would.

[37:27] He was hit by a car.

[37:28] And yeah, he's like, oh, and he he's got coffee precariously placed in the keyboard, his laptop

[37:34] and he knocks it over and he like he he falls.

[37:36] It's like his head falls on the paper and then he knocks the coffee.

[37:39] No, well, he has head falls down and then he's like regaining consciousness and he sees

[37:44] his coffee and it's like, oh, that's what I want coffee.

[37:46] And he tries to drink it and tips it all over and it just spills over everything.

[37:50] But yeah, instead of being like, ah, hot coffee on my face, his look is like, oh, he's like

[37:56] my skin is absorbed.

[37:57] My skin is absorbing this precious caffeine.

[37:59] I love it.

[37:59] I needed one of my patented facial caffeine baths.

[38:03] That's what will make me feel better.

[38:05] He's also begun seeing another therapist by this point, a woman who sits on folding chairs

[38:10] so close to him, their knees are interlaced in the corner.

[38:13] They're going to start making out at any second.

[38:15] It's you would expect.

[38:16] It's supposed to be different than his other psychotherapist.

[38:19] It is who's all about medication.

[38:21] She's all about being magic in that she fades away at the end of it as if she was a ghost

[38:26] or alien or whatever.

[38:27] But she tells him he has a special power.

[38:29] The things he's learned are very important.

[38:31] It's up to him.

[38:33] It's all super vague.

[38:34] It's like if Yoda never really explained anything to Luke and never taught him how to do flips

[38:39] and balance rocks and just died and disappeared at the end.

[38:43] But it was all vague mumbo jumbo.

[38:44] That's what this character is like.

[38:46] OK, and they exactly like Yoda, says Ellie.

[38:51] This woman's performance is just like Frank Oz.

[38:54] But I guess I didn't even see that.

[38:56] He must say like, I'm going to show how far apart he is from this other therapist by having

[39:00] him sit on opposite ends of a room.

[39:02] I'm going to show how in tune these people are by having them sit with their crotches

[39:05] almost touching.

[39:07] And that's the closest to a smart directorial choice he made.

[39:10] It's so it's fun.

[39:11] I was thinking about this earlier today that like you read like kind of readings of films

[39:15] and you're like by showing him from below, they emphasize how powerful he is as he looms

[39:20] over and you're like, yeah, that's kind of obvious.

[39:22] I don't know if you needed to state that in words, but it just shows you how like symbology

[39:28] in a movie can be either simple and strong and simple and incredibly stupid.

[39:32] In this case, it's incredibly stupid.

[39:34] Look, I'm no semiotician.

[39:35] OK, this is just what I this is just how it gets me anyway.

[39:38] So he decides to reveal these government secrets.

[39:43] There's a ghost that's floating floating around every now and then there's a dream sequence

[39:48] where like a weird like ghost, like or like a transparent man like walks into the house

[39:54] and then blood falls on the floor and then he fades away.

[39:56] I don't know what that's all about.

[39:58] A couple of times where he's just a pair of black shoes.

[40:00] black pants who fades away and dissolves. I don't know what it represents exactly.

[40:04] On the mirrors and pictures shake a bunch. On the mirror that's shaking, there's a bunch of scenes where

[40:08] the director, star, writer, producer is nude in that black room.

[40:12] Yeah, and that's the most like Twin Peaks-y part. And he's hugging a nude woman whose hair is covering her

[40:16] face, and it seems pretty clear that that woman represents

[40:20] Leah, the girl he's reconnected with, but that Leah did not want to do a nude

[40:24] scene, and so he hired someone else, like Edward Bell Lugosi Plan

[40:28] 9 style, hired someone else and then covered their face with something. That's my guess.

[40:32] Anyway, even though his wife just died.

[40:36] Like Scott McCloud always says, he expects that the audience

[40:40] is going to be able to fill in the blanks between the two shots.

[40:44] Yeah, that's just filling in the gutters. His wife died, he comes home, and

[40:48] he has two great grappling with someone's death scenes. One with his friend where he's holding

[40:52] his friend's bloody head, and he wipes the blood on his face for no

[40:56] reason, and he's like, I'm not going to be able to help you out of this one.

[41:00] He's like, yeah dude, he's dead.

[41:04] Do you think he's going to make a deal with Daniel Webster

[41:08] Satan about this? He cradles his dead wife's body, and he just

[41:12] was saying like, what, it was you, it was you, or something like that.

[41:16] And then the music swells, and he seems to be saying something, but they cut the audio

[41:20] track out. At one point he's clearly yelling, no, no,

[41:24] Darth Vader, Episode 3 style. I want to talk a little bit about how

[41:28] this movie makes a lot of weird cuts to people's close-ups of face while they're talking.

[41:32] And in a lot of those cuts, they don't try and match up

[41:36] the background sounds that well. So in some shots, you'll be like,

[41:40] oh wow, they turned the air conditioning on for this shot, but then a second later

[41:44] you're like, oh, they turned it off. It must have gotten too chilly in that room.

[41:48] It's kind of like, it's like the opposite of

[41:52] the movie Hustle and Flow, where they make a big deal about

[41:56] turning off the fan before they record their rap songs.

[42:00] In this case, they turned nothing off. It's like they bring in a couple

[42:04] extra refrigerators to have running in the background.

[42:08] This movie feels like someone who wants to be David Lynch and is really bad at it at times.

[42:12] It also feels like someone who wants to be making Enemy of the State and is bad at it.

[42:16] When you look at David Lynch's movies... I would love to see David Lynch make Enemy of the State.

[42:20] When you look at David Lynch's movies,

[42:24] his sound design is so important. So much of the power of a racer head

[42:28] is in the sounds that you're hearing and how consistent and how

[42:32] overwhelming they are. And this is the exact opposite of that,

[42:36] where he was like, sound? Yeah, we're recording the dialogue.

[42:40] Move it along, people. We'll cover up all that other stuff with this Irish flute music.

[42:44] So his wife is dead. He's taken up with Leah. She's already sleeping in his bed.

[42:48] Face down, so you can see the side of her boobs, but not the front.

[42:52] There's a scene where his neighbor gets killed.

[42:56] There's a scene where his neighbor wakes up in bed with his wife and they are awkwardly not talking to each other.

[43:00] But they're both asleep, lying face down with their arms up on the pillow in the same pose.

[43:04] It's like they're getting couples massages.

[43:08] It's like a married couple slept in the exact same pose. I feel like it was the director being like,

[43:12] alright, you be in this position so we can see most of your boob,

[43:16] but not all of it. And I guess you be in the same position so it's not obvious what you're doing.

[43:20] You be in the same position because I don't want

[43:24] to show the audience that you have better pecs than I do.

[43:28] Now, I want to get back to how there's a ghost in this movie. When I say ghost, I mean

[43:32] kind of an animated plastic bag that floats through the air that's superimposed on scenes while a

[43:36] ghost is nothing but a memory, Elliot.

[43:40] There's just ghosts. This thing just pops up

[43:44] and pops out and doesn't signify very much. It shakes a mirror at one point.

[43:48] And that gives him the inspiration to finally reveal these secrets.

[43:52] He sneaks out of bed so as not to wake up Leah in maybe the funniest shot in the movie

[43:56] where it looks like he is escaping a one night stand

[44:00] or something like that. He goes to the desert.

[44:04] Oh, she's been kidnapped too. Did I forget to mention that?

[44:08] She's been kidnapped. I forgot that that even happened.

[44:12] She's been kidnapped and taken to a van at a storage locker place.

[44:16] She's not even in one of the storage lockers.

[44:20] Luckily, during her struggle, she knocks loose a business card from her assailant's pocket

[44:24] that has the directions of where to take her to this place.

[44:28] Which makes me realize that the assailant probably spent a lot of time on the phone with the guy who hired him

[44:32] being like, I lost the card. Tell me where I'm supposed to take her again.

[44:36] I can't put an address into MapQuest.

[44:40] The hero Dylan shows up and he sees her bag on the ground and he calls her

[44:44] and leaves a long message on her voicemail. It's like, where are you? I'm worried.

[44:48] I see your bag. It's lying on the walk to the house.

[44:52] I looked in the house. You're not in the house. Where are you?

[44:56] Why is your bag on the walkway from the front of the house to the rear of the house?

[45:00] And then he sees, and it's only after he leaves this long message that he looks three millimeters over

[45:04] and sees the card that says, take her to da da da da da.

[45:08] And then he runs up and cuts to a shot that's night for day or day for night.

[45:12] He goes, and what is he like, kill a guy there or something? He has magic powers now.

[45:16] He helps her escape with his ability to walk through doors

[45:20] and walk through walls. Well, he runs up and hits the guy in the head with a bottle, right?

[45:24] Oh, that's right. He hits him with a bottle. But then he teleports him to his room.

[45:28] Some street justice. He teleports her out of a fucking trailer.

[45:32] It would not have been hard to get her out of that trailer without using his magic walk through walls powers.

[45:36] It's locked. He doesn't know how to get in there. He has the black rock.

[45:40] If you have the black rock, you use it. That's right. He's got that black rock.

[45:44] Later on, it's a flash drive or something.

[45:48] Skipping ahead a little bit, he goes out to the desert. He talks to some ghosts

[45:52] and a magic book, and they tell him nothing.

[45:56] So he decides he's going to reveal these secrets. These fateful findings, if you will.

[46:00] To coin a phrase. He's standing in front of the worst green screen

[46:04] of the Supreme Court you have ever seen.

[46:08] Ever. In front with a microphone stand.

[46:12] You guys both work for the Daily Show and use a lot of green screen and shit.

[46:16] I don't work for the Daily Show. But you have worked for the Daily Show. Super true.

[46:20] And the Daily Show backdrops are so much more believable

[46:24] than those bullshit fake ones.

[46:28] Because we put just the most minimum effort into it.

[46:32] This movie is pretty funny.

[46:36] This is the funniest comedy I've seen in a long time.

[46:40] I think Dan, you said it's the funniest comedy movie in years.

[46:44] He's announcing his findings in the most vague way possible.

[46:48] All these secrets. Governments have committed secrets.

[46:52] There's been hypocrisy and crime and corruption. All these companies.

[46:56] We've got to hold them to justice. The justice system has failed.

[47:00] Cameras set up to watch him with crowd noise laid over it.

[47:04] Yeah, but no visible people. So it seems like the microphones are making all these noises.

[47:08] They're cheering and clapping.

[47:12] At one point he goes, I have all the documents. And you hear applause.

[47:16] And he says, I have the documents here. And he holds up that black stone.

[47:20] I'm going to release them. So he seems like a crazy person.

[47:24] But you cut to reaction shots of, I guess,

[47:28] bankers. Well, we don't even know that. They're just a bunch of people in suits for nodding.

[47:32] And they've looked on their face like, yeah, this guy knows what he's talking about.

[47:36] But unless I'm wrong, it's the same backdrop. Yes, it's the same Supreme Court background.

[47:40] The reverse shot is the same as the front shot.

[47:44] He is clearly standing in some place where two alternate dimension Supreme Court buildings

[47:48] stare at each other across a portal of some kind.

[47:52] Someone's opened up a viewing screen between alternate SCOTUSes.

[47:56] Now this cuts to, okay, this is my new favorite part of the movie.

[48:00] I have so many favorite parts of this movie where each of the people that we've seen nodding

[48:04] reveals that they work at, they're either senators or they're the head of a corporation

[48:08] or they work at the bank. That's literally what they say.

[48:12] I work at the bank. I'm resigning as president of the bank.

[48:16] And then one guy literally says, I and other insurance companies have been cheating people.

[48:20] So you're an insurance company, I guess? Each of them admits their wrongdoing

[48:24] and then kills themselves.

[48:28] Two of them, two separate of them just pull out a gun and shoot themselves on the Supreme Court steps.

[48:32] And you would think that some...

[48:36] They're like, okay, let's broom and sweep them off there. Okay, next person, come on up.

[48:40] And you know the second guy was like, I was going to shoot myself.

[48:44] Now I look like I'm a copycat. And you cut to the rest of them.

[48:48] One guy hangs himself, one slashes his wrists in a hilarious scene.

[48:52] One guy slashes his wrists is the only one they actually show getting zipped up in a body bag.

[48:56] Well, that's because he was fighting a guy from Cobra Kai.

[49:00] And they literally put him in a body bag.

[49:04] Wait, is that going to get him disqualified? I think so, yeah.

[49:08] One guy takes pills in his car and then smiles as if dreaming,

[49:12] having the dream of fairies and angels.

[49:16] His head slowly falls to the stream wheel.

[49:20] The Godfather, the baptism slash massacre scene,

[49:24] if that was so super crappy, like that's the way this is done.

[49:28] It's so funny. Anyway, that having been accomplished...

[49:32] That was hilarious. We were fucking cracking up.

[49:36] We were laughing so hard. That being accomplished, he and Leah return to the woods

[49:40] and remember their childhood selves. And that's it. Everyone's saved.

[49:44] Evil has been wiped out of the world. A bunch of innocent people died.

[49:48] They walked to Valhalla or something, I don't know.

[49:52] Yeah, they crossed the Rainbow Bridge.

[49:56] Boromir should be in fucking Valhalla, dude. He killed all those orcs.

[50:00] But he admitted his wrongdoing.

[50:03] I just want to say, this episode of The Flop House

[50:05] has had the fewest tangents, I think, of any.

[50:07] Yeah, because the movie is so big.

[50:09] We're trying to wrap our brains around it.

[50:11] Like, we should have watched this movie at Christmas

[50:15] or any other gift-giving holidays.

[50:17] Like, I cannot advise you enough to turn off this podcast right

[50:21] now and go watch this movie.

[50:22] Yeah, I think we need to go straight to Final Judgment.

[50:24] Good, good, good movie?

[50:26] Like, the best movie ever?

[50:27] A bad, bad movie.

[50:28] We're kind of like, I say that this is, yeah,

[50:31] move over The Room and Birdemic.

[50:33] And like, this is a good, bad movie.

[50:36] I was, while I was watching it, I'm just like,

[50:38] all I was thinking about was, like,

[50:40] the people I want to introduce this movie to.

[50:42] Yeah, I can't wait to show this movie to my parents.

[50:46] Like, my parents will have no understanding

[50:49] of what they're watching.

[50:51] It is the goodest, bad movie, I think, maybe I've ever seen.

[50:54] Like, it's, there were, ugh, I can't even,

[50:57] like, I feel like we've gone through the whole movie

[50:59] and we've barely scratched the surface of how, it's like,

[51:02] I've never thought I'd say to someone in describing a movie,

[51:04] it's like The Room if Tommy Wiseau

[51:06] was bad at making movies.

[51:07] Like, that's what it feels like to me.

[51:09] Like, it lacks the polish of Birdemic.

[51:11] Watching this movie was like that moment

[51:14] when Baby Houseman gets picked up by Johnny Castle

[51:17] at the end of Dirty Dancing, and she's flying for but a moment,

[51:21] and she thinks, maybe in her head,

[51:22] maybe I'll fly off into outer space.

[51:25] I think you're reading a lot into that movie.

[51:27] Well, I was thinking about, like,

[51:28] while I was watching this movie,

[51:28] I was thinking about, like, what makes the difference

[51:30] between a bad, bad movie and a good, bad movie?

[51:32] And the thing about a truly, like, great, good, bad movie

[51:36] is if a movie is really bad,

[51:39] you have no idea what's gonna happen next.

[51:41] Yeah, that's true.

[51:42] Like, a mediocre movie,

[51:43] you always know what's gonna happen next.

[51:45] Here, like, it's just like, this is done by a madman.

[51:48] Only in a truly great movie or a truly bad movie

[51:51] are you constantly surprised.

[51:54] There's such a thin line,

[51:55] the two sides of the same coin, really.

[51:57] If you had told me halfway through

[52:00] that the movie was going to end with

[52:02] him on the steps of the Supreme Court building

[52:04] admonishing the government and big business,

[52:08] and then a montage of them killing themselves,

[52:11] many of them with smiles on their face

[52:14] as they greet the Grim Reaper,

[52:17] I wouldn't believe you.

[52:19] It's like, the only way to explain it

[52:20] is if he literally was trying,

[52:22] he's like one of those guys who makes new languages

[52:25] in his spare time, and he's like,

[52:27] I'm gonna invent a new way of making films.

[52:28] And maybe I'm gonna have to grope in the dark for a time

[52:31] as I reinvent the primitive history of filmmaking

[52:35] to create a new type of storytelling grammar.

[52:38] But I think, you know what,

[52:39] I'll do it how long as it takes.

[52:40] And this was his first try.

[52:41] Like, oh, man, like, it really,

[52:45] I feel like we've said this about other movies,

[52:47] but it feels like a guy who had a movie described to him

[52:51] and was like, yeah, okay, I can make that,

[52:53] and then just tried to do it.

[52:55] Oh, Neil Breen, like, you're my hero now.

[52:58] Heh, heh, heh, heh.

[53:00] ♪♪

[53:07] Hi, I'm Allegra Ringo, a dog owner.

[53:09] And I am Renee Colvert, a dog wanter.

[53:11] And together, we're the hosts of Can I Pet Your Dog,

[53:14] a podcast for unapologetic dog lovers.

[53:16] So let's talk about this.

[53:17] What are you getting yourself into?

[53:18] What is this podcast about?

[53:20] Well, we have dog news, dog experts,

[53:23] and interviews with special guests about their dogs.

[53:26] We also talk about dogs that we met this week.

[53:29] Join us every Tuesday on MaximumFun.org

[53:31] for new episodes of Can I Pet Your Dog?

[53:36] I want to say that tonight,

[53:38] the Flophouse is brought to you by Squarespace,

[53:41] the all-in-one website platform.

[53:44] Squarespace's sites look professionally designed,

[53:47] regardless of your skill level, with no coding required.

[53:51] Now, Dan, can I ask you a question about,

[53:52] okay, now, as we've established in previous episodes,

[53:54] I'm trying to get some websites off the ground.

[53:56] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[53:58] I haven't had the chance to use Squarespace yet,

[54:00] and I'm having trouble with other companies

[54:02] trying to get my Christopher Lee fan site, penguinfarts.com.

[54:07] Again, I think that's a weird name for it.

[54:10] I don't think people are going to understand.

[54:11] I'm having trouble with that project.

[54:13] I'm setting it aside.

[54:14] Instead, I've got a new website.

[54:17] It's called monkeypenis.com.

[54:19] It is an exploration of the work of Guy de Maupassant.

[54:23] Sure, the necklace, I think you're right.

[54:26] Sure, yeah.

[54:27] Anyway, what I really like about him most

[54:29] is that his name is Guy, but it's pronounced gee,

[54:31] like a karate gee.

[54:32] Yep, it's the outfit of karate I wear

[54:35] that's used in Indian food.

[54:37] Sure, I don't know.

[54:38] Anyway, so is Squarespace the place I want?

[54:40] I need a simple, all-in-one solution.

[54:42] I want my website to look the same on phones and laptops

[54:47] and iPads without me having to recode it every time.

[54:49] You were just telling me the other day

[54:50] you really want responsive design.

[54:52] Incredibly responsive design.

[54:53] I want it to be as responsive as a lover

[54:56] who knows every inch of your body

[54:58] almost better than you know.

[54:59] Well, you're in luck because that is Squarespace.

[55:02] And you can start your free trial today

[55:05] with no credit card required at squarespace.com.

[55:07] That's another thing I wanted to ask you.

[55:09] My credit cards were taken away from me.

[55:11] Okay, well, I mean, eventually you're going to be in trouble.

[55:13] I think at some point you're going to need

[55:15] to have to pay for this.

[55:16] But I, no, but I want to start it up

[55:18] without a credit card.

[55:18] Can I do that?

[55:19] You can.

[55:20] No credit card required.

[55:21] The problem was I went to a snooty restaurant.

[55:22] Okay.

[55:23] And when I went to pay,

[55:24] I must have overdrawn on my account

[55:26] because they literally cut off the card

[55:27] in front of me with scissors.

[55:29] What was crazy was that they were charting so much

[55:31] and there were like three sprouts on that plate.

[55:33] Yep.

[55:34] And it was the evening of Force Friday

[55:35] where Elliot spent all his fun bucks

[55:38] on Star Wars dudes.

[55:40] I had to buy every one of the Lego Star Wars sets

[55:42] or some shit.

[55:43] Because it's all that some people have in their lives.

[55:46] Anyway, so.

[55:47] Calm down.

[55:49] Sorry, I read an article about Force Friday

[55:51] that got me really mad.

[55:53] So Dan, Squarespace can help me with that.

[55:55] I can get it easy and see if it's the right thing for me.

[55:58] It sounds like it's really great.

[55:59] Is there some kind of code that I could use for discounts?

[56:01] Indeed, you can use the offer code FLOP,

[56:03] that's F-L-O-P,

[56:06] to get 10% off your first purchase.

[56:09] Now, I want to start a website that's a tribute

[56:11] to Neil Breen, writer, director, producer

[56:13] of Faithful Findings.

[56:14] That's called almosttopless.com.

[56:17] Do you think Squarespace is a place I could do that?

[56:19] You can do that easily with Squarespace.

[56:21] Responsive design?

[56:22] Yep.

[56:23] And I don't need to know coding?

[56:24] No, you don't need a credit card.

[56:26] Well, how's their tech support?

[56:27] It's excellent.

[56:28] And you can use the offer code FLOP

[56:30] to get 10% off your first purchase.

[56:32] But I don't need a credit card, right?

[56:33] No.

[56:33] Squarespace.

[56:34] Can I pay by money order?

[56:35] You can.

[56:37] I don't know if that's true.

[56:38] That seems like a promise that you shouldn't be making.

[56:41] I'm trying to get you to shut up.

[56:43] I'm trying to get you to shut up.

[56:44] So squarespace.com, offer code FLOP.

[56:47] Yeah, build it beautiful.

[56:49] Moving on.

[56:50] No, no, you should say, build it beautiful.

[56:51] Build it beautiful.

[56:52] Like you're a detective.

[56:55] So we should move on to the letters from Brooklyn Bridge.

[56:58] Guys, I just want to say, this has been great so far.

[57:00] Oh, thanks.

[57:01] I think, Dan, that's what I would have said

[57:02] to Elizabeth Warren Roebling,

[57:05] the woman who was really responsible

[57:06] for making sure the Brooklyn Bridge happened.

[57:08] She'd be like, ah, my husband, he's stuck in bed now

[57:12] and he won't leave bed for years

[57:13] after his nervous collapse and the bends, probably,

[57:15] and I have to oversee this major construction project.

[57:19] What should I do?

[57:20] And I'd say, build it beautiful.

[57:21] Wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.

[57:26] So Dan, what do we do now?

[57:27] We read letters from listeners

[57:29] in a little segment we call the FLOP House Movie Mailbag.

[57:33] I mean, we haven't called it that for a while.

[57:34] Do we really call it that?

[57:35] I think, yeah, in the past.

[57:36] You can call it whatever you want.

[57:38] Call it whatever you want.

[57:39] Just don't call it late for dinner.

[57:41] Why would you call it late for dinner

[57:42] when it doesn't tell the audience what it is?

[57:44] This is some kind of cooking segment

[57:47] for people with busy schedules, I don't understand.

[57:50] Why are you so touchy about being late for dinner?

[57:54] And look, the letters are very hungry.

[57:56] They're so hungry, guys.

[57:57] Wow.

[57:58] Hungry for a song?

[58:00] Hungry for souls.

[58:02] You mean songs, right?

[58:03] Yeah.

[58:04] Open that mailbag, open it wide and dive inside.

[58:09] There's letters inside.

[58:10] Hey, don't hide from the letters inside.

[58:13] There's letters inside the mailbag.

[58:16] Who are these letters for?

[58:18] Let's take a look.

[58:19] It's my neighbor's mail.

[58:21] Open it up, I'm a nosy guy.

[58:24] Huh, they're in arrears.

[58:26] They're losing their house.

[58:28] This is sad news and I wish I didn't know it.

[58:31] Glue that letter back shut.

[58:33] Slide it under their door.

[58:36] When the house goes up for auction,

[58:38] buy it up and then sell it for more.

[58:42] Flippin' houses, that's where the money is.

[58:45] Flippin' houses in today's market.

[58:48] Buy a house cheap, fix it on up, sell it for more.

[58:52] The business runs itself if you know how to fix a house.

[58:58] With letters.

[59:00] Brought to you by Property Brothers and HGTV.

[59:03] That was one of the songs that sounded mostly a TV theme.

[59:06] I was gonna say that, but even before.

[59:08] I was gonna say they all seem to have the same tempo.

[59:10] They're all pretty much the same tempo.

[59:12] Da da da da da.

[59:17] So this letter goes, I'm a big fan of your show.

[59:20] My favorite flopper is Elliot.

[59:22] Thank you.

[59:23] Yay.

[59:24] I'm hesitant to say this because I'm afraid

[59:25] it will lead to this letter not being read

[59:27] because of Dan jealousy.

[59:29] If I say that I'm a wife and that I have a butt,

[59:31] will that win me over in the eyes of Purposeoid number one?

[59:34] I hope so.

[59:35] Anywho, I'm not sure about Dan and Stuart,

[59:38] but I've heard Elliot say he's not a fan of.

[59:42] I've heard Elliot say he's not a fan of Seth Rogen,

[59:44] Jonah Hill, and Judd Apatow.

[59:47] They're okay.

[59:48] They don't float my personal boat.

[59:50] I feel that between those three people.

[59:51] Which floats on the waters of Lake Champlain.

[59:53] You get a majority of the comedies

[59:55] that are released in theaters today.

[59:57] What are some of your favorite comedies

[59:58] that have come out in recent years?

[1:00:00] And what current comedians are you fans of thanks Mallory last name withheld. Yes

[1:00:04] Thank you for continuously mentioning the film baby secret of the lost legend

[1:00:08] I completely forgot about that film and was glad to be reminded of the movie for my youth about a baby dinosaur a lost legend

[1:00:16] now found

[1:00:18] Monitor your local videos to modern comedies

[1:00:22] Other than fateful findings that we enjoyed are there any I mean, I like the trip movies

[1:00:27] Yeah, I think that we've mentioned before that we all enjoy the Edgar Wright

[1:00:33] Yeah, the Cornetto trilogy stuff. Sure. Mm-hmm. Those are good ones

[1:00:36] Uh, I guess recently like I am tuned to reference Judd Apatow. I liked trainwreck quite a bit

[1:00:43] I still haven't seen that yet and I like spy a lot too. I've heard

[1:00:46] That was like the people involves probably best best work. I

[1:00:51] Yeah, when I watched that movie, I sort of thought like at the beginning like okay

[1:00:55] Well, this is not as good as it was advertised. Like it felt very wrote and then as it went on

[1:00:59] Yes, they wrote it. I how many times I've done that joke now and at least once before

[1:01:05] But as it went on I appreciated the Jason say that makes a face-off joke. No, he's just terrific. I like the Rose

[1:01:13] Rose Bernie was burn gallon burn Bernie

[1:01:16] I have to admit Bernie starring Jack Black and Alice and Allison Janney's in it. She's great

[1:01:23] I have to admit that I don't see a lot of modern comedies these days partly because

[1:01:28] I've had so many experiences of not enjoying them and that keeps me from going to new ones and I should break that habit

[1:01:34] I should be willing to risk my time on a modern comedy. You just stick with old-timey comedies like revenge of the nerds

[1:01:40] Yeah, sorry. Yeah nerds old

[1:01:43] Starring the nerds and featuring revenge

[1:01:47] also starring cameo appearance by of

[1:01:50] The

[1:01:52] Like I'm trying to think of there's like a recent comedy that I thought was really really funny

[1:01:57] And there's I mean what we do in the shadows was fucking great. I haven't seen that yet, but you should it's great

[1:02:02] I want to see it

[1:02:06] My team was full of check new wave films, I gotta watch those first not comedies that there's some of them are very funny

[1:02:13] Just like TBS

[1:02:14] Do you like me check new wave?

[1:02:19] So this letters it goes like this it says listen

[1:02:25] Something like this

[1:02:26] Listen here Kalen. What this is such a turn of a turn around for the last one

[1:02:31] You said your dream was to be a Popeye spokesman. Well, buddy. Here's your chance. I'll make this quick spokesman

[1:02:37] I woke up on the day of my wedding and I was running late

[1:02:40] I want to know how these sentences connect my groomsmen and I had to stop somewhere to get breakfast

[1:02:45] But it was pouring rain. We ended up at Burger King

[1:02:48] It was 1030 a.m. And they were like, no, we don't have breakfast anymore

[1:02:51] And you'll have to wait a million years before we're ready for lunch. So I dashed across the busy street to Popeye's

[1:02:57] Popeye's I asked if they were serving breakfast still they said no I said, okay

[1:03:01] Then I'll take the most breakfast II thing you have for lunch. So they made me a Cajun pull boy

[1:03:06] I ate it quickly and then ran off to get married during the entire ceremony reception and

[1:03:12] Night, my stomach was tumultuous

[1:03:15] Oh boy was begging to be released my questions for you Kalin one

[1:03:21] How dare you and to what is Popeye's stance on Cajun pull boys for breakfast Alex last name withheld?

[1:03:27] well, Alex one I had Popeye's on my wedding day too, and it was delightful and it sat in my stomach like a

[1:03:34] Beautiful cat on a taffeta pillow

[1:03:36] Did you eat that in the movie theater when we were watching Piranha?

[1:03:40] 3d knows after the way back is after we went to Piranha 3d night

[1:03:43] I think you were in the car Dan with my brother

[1:03:44] Yeah, David was like, I know where there's a Popeye's in your hair or somehow you like search for one

[1:03:50] Yep, like Monterey Jacks seeking out cheese

[1:03:53] He closed his eyes and floated along

[1:03:56] And so after that before I got changed for the wedding into my suit

[1:04:00] We sat outside his hotel room and ate Popeye's for lunch

[1:04:03] It's just one of many reasons that that was the best day of my life

[1:04:06] Number one the wedding number two

[1:04:08] It was a great see in front of 3d with my pals three Popeye's for lunch like greatest day of my life

[1:04:16] The let's okay, let's get a few things straight one

[1:04:18] I just want to say I do not endorse anything at Popeye's other than the chicken

[1:04:23] I don't know any I don't order anything other than the chicken. I don't care for their other stuff

[1:04:27] What about their Nolan style red beans and rice? Well that I eat as a side dish every time. Yes

[1:04:32] To quiet your tumultuous stomach filled with chicken. Yeah

[1:04:36] I don't know what the deal is with your tender tummy that you couldn't handle that food

[1:04:40] But also dude, where are you getting married that there were fast-food restaurants and no bathrooms deal with it before the ceremony you guy

[1:04:47] Come on. Mm-hmm

[1:04:49] Or at any point during the reception step aside and use the toilet. It's your day. No one can tell you no

[1:04:56] Yeah, maybe you didn't want to have to unlimber all of his wedding equipment that he was wearing yeah, yeah and do as well

[1:05:06] Why not, you know, I'd like it one of those proton packs they wear

[1:05:11] Yeah, some kind of steampunk

[1:05:13] Gizmo had a death lock armor

[1:05:16] Yeah, the so I your experience was not a good one. I take it try Popeye's again get the fried chicken

[1:05:25] Mm-hmm and deal with it and it's as a breakfast food fried. Great. I've eaten

[1:05:30] Cold Popeye's fried chicken for breakfast many times. I mean you mean the waffles

[1:05:35] Because you just go up and order the Kalen special which is a four-piece mild. Thank you the rice and beans

[1:05:42] Red beans and rice on the side. No drink biscuit and then also again as a man who is often picked up Popeye's

[1:05:49] It's on the way over to record this actually

[1:05:53] It was funny a guy stopped me on the streets. Are you Elliot Kalen? And I was like, yeah

[1:05:57] He says a flop house listener and I go. Oh, thanks. He goes. Yeah, the Popeye's was a giveaway

[1:06:05] Here's the thing when I was young and they're like goody-goody look at his face where you're so excited

[1:06:10] I was licking my chops and rubbing my hands together

[1:06:13] Yeah, like a cartoon wolf

[1:06:16] Staring at red-hot riding hood the

[1:06:19] When I was a young man before there was a lady in my life

[1:06:21] I would frequently on weekends get a box of fried chicken on Friday night. That's my food for the weekend

[1:06:28] So I'm having breakfast two days in a row and it was fantastic. Am I alive today to tell the tale somehow?

[1:06:34] Yeah, so continue that malcontent has been disposed of. Yeah this next letter is forever

[1:06:40] Goes help me be better at being dumped. I'll be one Kenobi dear flop house

[1:06:45] I recently got dumped and I'm grateful to your podcast for helping me not act like an insane person

[1:06:50] Whenever I want to call my ex-boyfriend. I instead make myself listen to a flop house episode soon

[1:06:55] I am laughing and don't care about my ex-boyfriend anymore because he was not as funny as you are

[1:07:00] Especially Dan who is my favorite and Elliot who is my other favorite? Sorry Stewart, and it's okay. I'm the garbage one

[1:07:07] Unfortunately, the ladies love cool Stewart

[1:07:09] He's she says the recent Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles episode was not up to standard in my opinion

[1:07:15] I got distracted and end up calling my ex-boyfriend who now thinks I am crazy

[1:07:19] This is too much pressure to put on us

[1:07:21] Please help me be better at being dumped by having only having a plus plus plus episodes

[1:07:26] For example the Transformers episode or the that's my boy episode. Thank you in advance Maggie last name with hell Maggie

[1:07:33] You're too good for that guy. You kick him to the curb and forget about him because there's plenty of fish in the sea

[1:07:37] I don't even know why you're listening to this episode. You should be watching

[1:07:41] Fateful findings you watch fateful findings. You'll be laughing so hard. You'll be like boyfriend who doesn't exist boyfriend

[1:07:47] What I want to be with that Neil Breen

[1:07:50] Well, the lady is one who lightly peck

[1:07:53] And you should only be dating boyfriends from the boyfriend Academy

[1:07:57] Taught by Shelley long aka don't tell her it's me University. Yep

[1:08:04] I guess she is the teacher. I always kind of viewed her as like a sensei type

[1:08:08] I mean, that's a another way to see

[1:08:12] teacher a

[1:08:15] Teacher huh? I was a lot of her as more of a professor

[1:08:20] More of an adjunct professor

[1:08:22] An instructor sort of position

[1:08:27] Some sort of instruction provider

[1:08:30] Never able to help you. I guess I assume we were

[1:08:34] I don't know. This episode is super great, right?

[1:08:37] Do our best to try to be funny so that you laugh and don't think about them

[1:08:40] But hey, I hope by the time you listen this episode. You're already a wash on a sea of dudes

[1:08:45] So last letter goes like this dear radio Zork apply grease to door hinge push open door

[1:08:54] Pro dynamite at grew Matt last name withheld. Mmm. It's a lot of motions for one

[1:08:59] Yeah, I don't know if you can make that many. I think kind of disqualifies it

[1:09:04] You become unstuck in time because you're moving too fast you are dead

[1:09:09] You become unstuck in time because you're moving too fast you are dead

[1:09:16] You're a harsh game master nice a try

[1:09:22] But thanks for playing you cheat a good game boy

[1:09:25] But now you Zork. Thanks for playing the most popular radio adventure radio Zork brought to you by

[1:09:32] Dan

[1:09:35] And Elliot, what was it actually brought to you by delicious penises

[1:09:42] Ever got what old-timey vulgar product it was

[1:09:46] Greasy penises. Yeah, is there any other kind?

[1:09:49] Yeah, that's it's time for our genital health corner, right?

[1:09:52] Every episode we have a new tip about dental health and check your penis. Is it greasy?

[1:09:57] Well, that's the thing Stewart has has reminded me that

[1:10:00] just keep your penis well greased. If you don't have a penis, grease someone else's.

[1:10:04] They'll appreciate it.

[1:10:05] Oil can!

[1:10:06] Oil can!

[1:10:07] That squeaking isn't your hip hinges. No, it's your penis asking for oil.

[1:10:13] Oil can!

[1:10:15] You want to get a smooth erection? You've got to grease that thing up.

[1:10:19] Otherwise it's super spiky.

[1:10:22] Yeah, it's got to creak its way up.

[1:10:24] Or gritty.

[1:10:25] Yeah.

[1:10:26] So, the next step of this podcast is not talking about gross stuff.

[1:10:29] That was super gross.

[1:10:30] It's talking about fun stuff. Movies we actually liked.

[1:10:33] Boing.

[1:10:34] Dan's going to start.

[1:10:35] Oh, I am? All right. I was watching...

[1:10:38] Bounce Pass.

[1:10:39] We just, it was a coup d'etat.

[1:10:41] Stuart is now the host.

[1:10:42] A coup de gras.

[1:10:43] I was watching...

[1:10:44] A Hangin' with Mr. Coup D'etat.

[1:10:47] I was watching a thing called television the other day, and I was flipping...

[1:10:51] Tell me more!

[1:10:53] I was flipping past the channels, which is what the kids are doing.

[1:10:57] The story gets even better.

[1:10:59] And I came across the second, well, the last third, actually, of a little movie called Death Trap,

[1:11:05] which I watched several times growing up because it was on HBO all the time.

[1:11:10] As you waited for, what, Sheena to be on?

[1:11:12] Yeah.

[1:11:13] But I like that movie quite a bit.

[1:11:16] It stars Michael Caine, Christopher Reeve, and Diane Cannon in the three major roles.

[1:11:23] There's about five major roles.

[1:11:26] There's, like, five roles in the whole movie, basically.

[1:11:28] Yeah.

[1:11:29] And it's just a twisty, like, it was based on a play by Ira Levin.

[1:11:36] It's directed by Sidney Lumet.

[1:11:38] He does not open up the play particularly.

[1:11:41] He just directs it well.

[1:11:44] And when you've got people like Michael Caine and Christopher Reeve and Diane Cannon,

[1:11:49] like, they are able to play the thriller elements of the story,

[1:11:52] but they're also able to play the light comedy elements of it

[1:11:55] because it is a silly movie at its heart.

[1:11:58] It's full of twists and turns that kind of take advantage of the thriller plotting

[1:12:04] while sort of also making fun of it at the same time.

[1:12:08] And it's a very enjoyable movie.

[1:12:10] It's about a failed writer of thriller plays

[1:12:16] who engages in a plot to try and get rid of his wife,

[1:12:21] and then many twists and turns come afterwards.

[1:12:25] And so if you're looking for just a fun time, I recommend Death Trap.

[1:12:29] More than Fateful Findings?

[1:12:32] I mean, maybe equally in different ways.

[1:12:37] Others?

[1:12:38] That sounds great.

[1:12:39] You know, guys, the other day I popped on a movie on the old digital video player.

[1:12:43] Am I the only one who's not going to explain the circumstances in which you watched this movie?

[1:12:47] Was it in the media?

[1:12:49] I fired it up, and, boy, did I have the time of my life.

[1:12:54] Now I cracked a couple of beers.

[1:12:58] I never felt that way before.

[1:13:03] You know, I looked through every open door,

[1:13:07] and I watched Spike Lee's Inside Man.

[1:13:11] Not what I expected.

[1:13:12] Which is a great little thriller.

[1:13:14] It's got an amazing show-stopping performance from my man, Clive Owen.

[1:13:22] Clive the Chive.

[1:13:24] Clive Owen. Hello, is it me?

[1:13:27] It's me, Clive Owen, today, guv'nor.

[1:13:29] It shows a path for Spike Lee's career that he decided not to take.

[1:13:33] It is.

[1:13:34] I mean, it's super impressive that the guy turns out what is basically a Hollywood thriller,

[1:13:39] and it's just super great, competent, and fun to watch.

[1:13:43] I mean, it's not as good as...

[1:13:45] Denzel Washington is draped in the best Steve Harvey suits.

[1:13:52] I want to say it's not as good, obviously, as The Taking of Pelham 123, but it's got...

[1:13:56] The remake.

[1:13:57] It's got some of the same flavor in that it's really like a New York thriller.

[1:14:02] I would say Inside Man is the closest to a remake in terms of spirit of The Taking of Pelham 123,

[1:14:07] because it is a crime movie that has a really good thriller plot, and it's really suspenseful,

[1:14:13] but it does give you a picture of what life in New York at a certain time is like.

[1:14:17] Like, it captures little things about kind of post-September 11th New York

[1:14:23] in a way that no other movies, I feel like, really have, except, what, like, The 25th Hour,

[1:14:28] which is all about post-September 11th New York.

[1:14:30] Yeah, also Spike Lee.

[1:14:31] And it's also Spike Lee.

[1:14:32] And it's got a great cast.

[1:14:34] I don't know if I mentioned it has Clive Owen in it, Denzel, Jodie Foster,

[1:14:39] Christopher, my man, Plummer.

[1:14:45] Just a raw dog in it.

[1:14:46] C to the P.

[1:14:49] She would tell a G4 is also in it.

[1:14:52] He is totally in it.

[1:14:53] People say ICP means Insane Clown Posse, but for me there's only I, Christopher Plummer.

[1:14:59] So Jodie Foster's in it doing a really weird performance that's better than her weird performance in Elysium.

[1:15:05] I think Jodie Foster's really good in it.

[1:15:07] No, I know, but she's, like, it's her manner.

[1:15:10] She is borderline omniscient mystical being in some ways.

[1:15:14] She's like a wind elemental like Dame Judi Dench in that Riddick movie.

[1:15:18] It's like Jodie Foster is playing a non-crazy version of Julian Anderson's character in Hannibal.

[1:15:24] Yeah.

[1:15:25] Where there's just something off about her.

[1:15:27] So to summarize, I'm going to recommend Dirty Dancing.

[1:15:33] I'm going to recommend a different movie.

[1:15:35] This is a movie that we started talking about at the beginning of Fateful Findings

[1:15:38] because there's a long shot of the storage locker area, and that's Primer.

[1:15:43] Primer.

[1:15:44] I feel like Fateful Findings is an example of how one man can write directly

[1:15:49] It's terrible for anyone to try and imitate such a great movie.

[1:15:52] Yeah, yeah, it's inimitable.

[1:15:54] It's inevitable.

[1:15:55] It is possible for one man to write, direct, star, and produce a very low-budget movie

[1:16:00] and have it come out really good.

[1:16:02] Like Bad Taste.

[1:16:04] Yeah, sure.

[1:16:05] I mean, that's an example, too.

[1:16:06] It's not the one I'm going to talk about.

[1:16:07] I'm going to talk about Primer.

[1:16:08] Primer.

[1:16:09] Primer.

[1:16:10] Primer.

[1:16:11] Primer.

[1:16:12] Primer.

[1:16:13] Primer.

[1:16:14] Primer.

[1:16:15] Primer.

[1:16:16] Primer.

[1:16:17] I'm not going to talk about it.

[1:16:18] I'm going to talk about Primer, which came up because a lot of it takes place in a rental storage space.

[1:16:24] But for people who are not aware of it, and probably most of our listeners are at this point,

[1:16:29] it's a time travel movie that was made for a very minimal budget.

[1:16:33] It's like $7,000 or something like that.

[1:16:35] It's El Mariachi-level budget.

[1:16:38] And one main way you can tell that is that the sound recording in some scenes is not ideal,

[1:16:43] but it's a really good time travel paradox science fiction movie that does not rely on special effects

[1:16:49] and just relies on audio.

[1:16:51] I mean, it's arguably the best time travel movie.

[1:16:53] Yeah.

[1:16:54] I think you could make a really good case that it's the best time travel movie there is.

[1:16:58] And I was not a fan that much of Shane Carruth, the writer-director, stars other movie Upstream Color.

[1:17:02] I found that a little too abstract for me.

[1:17:05] But Primer, I feel like, is just in that right place of being mysterious

[1:17:11] but also a movie with a plot that maybe you have to puzzle out some of it later, but you can follow it.

[1:17:17] Whereas Upstream Color, it felt like he wrote a movie and then he decided to remove random pages of dialogue,

[1:17:23] and that I didn't love so much.

[1:17:25] I like Upstream Color.

[1:17:27] There are things I like about it.

[1:17:29] Upstream Color, what I like about it are the parts that have to do with their relationship only,

[1:17:34] and I don't like any of the stuff that has to do with the conspiracy to get that chemical

[1:17:39] that makes people experience the same thing or whatever it is.

[1:17:42] But Primer, I recommend.

[1:17:44] Low-budget dreams. Live them. Make the movie.

[1:17:47] I think Upstream Color is definitely a movie that you kind of want to let wash over you

[1:17:52] and not think about it too hard, whereas Primer...

[1:17:55] A real check-your-brain-at-the-door thrill ride.

[1:17:57] A real Valhalla Rising.

[1:18:00] It's so moody and you get a sense of what it's about without trying to need to puzzle it out,

[1:18:05] whereas I think Primer actually rewards a little more engagement with what's going on,

[1:18:12] even though you don't necessarily need to understand everything that happens to enjoy it.

[1:18:16] You don't have to, say, go on the Internet and find those crazy diagrams,

[1:18:21] which I'd like to see a crazy diagram about the movie you watch tonight, Fateful Findings.

[1:18:26] Oh, man. You could make a Venn diagram of the plots of this movie

[1:18:31] and none of the circles would touch.

[1:18:33] The plots were so disconnected from each other.

[1:18:38] But thank you again for listening.

[1:18:41] Are we done now? What's going on?

[1:18:43] We don't appreciate you enough, the listener.

[1:18:46] We read their letters.

[1:18:48] Yeah, that's the least we can do.

[1:18:50] Look, I know you're in a vulnerable place right now.

[1:18:52] He's like a raw wound soaking in delicious salt.

[1:18:57] Mmm, tastes great.

[1:18:59] Yummy.

[1:19:00] Thank you, guys.

[1:19:02] Real great.

[1:19:03] Well, thanks to the listeners and thanks to you, Stuart, and thanks to you, Dan.

[1:19:06] Hey, Elliot, thanks.

[1:19:08] Because I had the time of my life and I owe it all to you, Stu.

[1:19:18] That song is forever linked in my mind with Chuck E. Cheese

[1:19:22] because I guess I went to Chuck E. Cheese a lot as a kid when that song was big.

[1:19:25] Yeah, you love fucking pizza, bro. You're crazy for it.

[1:19:27] Look, if I can have pizza served to me by a guy in a mouse costume

[1:19:30] while the same mouse character is a robot on stage in front of me,

[1:19:34] that's insane.

[1:19:35] Which leads me to ask the question, are these brothers or clones

[1:19:39] or is this a primer type situation?

[1:19:41] Are they moving so quickly that they appear to be in two places at once?

[1:19:44] Chuck E. Cheese is a real mind fuck.

[1:19:46] Anyway, Dan, take it away.

[1:19:48] For The Flop House, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:19:50] And one of them is moving super jerky like he's a robot.

[1:19:53] The other one clearly seems to be a college kid in a suit.

[1:19:56] That guy's Stuart Wellington.

[1:19:58] And who am I?

[1:20:00] He's Elliot Kaelin, the lovable scamp.

[1:20:02] America's favorite rascal.

[1:20:03] Trace Amigos.

[1:20:04] Or the Flophouse.

[1:20:06] It's us.

[1:20:07] I'm Dan McCoy.

[1:20:08] I've been Elliot Kaelin Wellington.

[1:20:11] And that's a weird guy.

[1:20:13] All right, goodnight everyone.

[1:20:16] It's okay, how are our levels?

[1:20:21] Fine to me.

[1:20:30] I'm on the wood level, Mega Man 2.

[1:20:32] Whoa, that's dope.

[1:20:34] With Leaf Man?

[1:20:35] Yeah, Leaf Man.

[1:20:36] I suggest that you use the whatever fire thing

[1:20:39] on the wood thing.

[1:20:39] Yeah, thanks dude.

[1:20:40] Anyway, thanks Nintendo Power for that insider's tip.

[1:20:47] If I could beat the fire level,

[1:20:49] I would have done that first.

[1:20:51] The wood level is the one you beat before that

[1:20:52] because it's easier.

[1:20:54] Maximumfun.org.

[1:20:56] Comedy and culture.

[1:20:57] Artist owned.

[1:20:58] Listener supported.

[1:21:00] Hi, this is Dave Hill from Dave Hill's podcasting incident

[1:21:04] on the Maximum Fun Network.

[1:21:06] I'm here with my lovely and talented secretary,

[1:21:08] Miss Shana Feinberg.

[1:21:10] Shana, I understand you've been doing a bit of research

[1:21:12] to find out what listeners think of the show.

[1:21:15] Yes I have, Dave.

[1:21:16] And what have you found?

[1:21:17] Well, people that love it say they love it

[1:21:19] because it's just Dave hanging out

[1:21:21] with someone in his apartment.

[1:21:22] Awesome, well what do people that hate it say?

[1:21:25] They hate it because it's just Dave hanging out

[1:21:27] with someone in his apartment.

[1:21:29] Oh.

[1:21:29] Listen to Dave Hill's podcasting incident

[1:21:32] on the Maximum Fun Network, mother...

[1:21:35] Was that too much?

[1:21:36] No, I think it was perfect.

[1:21:38] ♪ Do you got a little love in your heart, heart, heart? ♪

Ep. #187 - Fateful Findings

Transcript

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