Ep. #188 - Unfriended

[0:00] On tonight's episode we watched Unfriended.

[0:05] Wait, are we not friends anymore?

[0:06] Cha cha cha cha cha cha cha...

[0:09] Scare scare scare...

[0:10] Because the scariest thing about friendship is losing it.

[0:13] Oh, okay.

[0:46] Hey everyone and welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:49] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:56] Oh, I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:58] It's like you were an illiterate person signing your mark on a contract,

[1:01] but instead of that you can't talk so you open a beer.

[1:04] And I'm Elliot Kalin.

[1:06] Dan, why are we so much spookier tonight?

[1:10] Or today if you're listening it during the day,

[1:14] which I wouldn't recommend.

[1:17] Most magical time of the year, Shocktober.

[1:21] Oh, the long-awaited month where we watch all horror movies

[1:24] as opposed to merely mostly horror movies.

[1:27] It's been a while since we watched horror movies.

[1:29] The spirit of Shocktober flies around tossing gifts into your ears.

[1:35] That's how I learned at Sunday school.

[1:40] Like what sort of gifts does it toss into your ears?

[1:43] Fucking podcasts like this one.

[1:45] And some bananas.

[1:47] Some bananas, which is definitely not a podcast.

[1:50] It's the most...

[1:51] Not my banana podcast where I eat a banana and then review it.

[1:56] It's called Simply Bananas, is that right?

[1:59] Sure.

[2:00] This banana is plain-tane or plantain.

[2:04] What I love about it is the audience can...

[2:07] That's a five out of ten.

[2:08] The audience can never like,

[2:10] oh, I heard that banana was good.

[2:12] I'll try it.

[2:13] You ate it.

[2:13] It's gone.

[2:17] That's the thing.

[2:18] You're always chasing the next banana.

[2:20] You might as well do a podcast where you're reviewing the weather.

[2:24] Today was pretty nice.

[2:25] Okay, I don't know what I'm supposed to do with that information now.

[2:31] So what do we do on this podcast we're talking about?

[2:33] Oh, sorry.

[2:34] You don't review bananas.

[2:35] I was enjoying my banana.

[2:36] That would be crazy.

[2:38] Or another word for crazy, bananas.

[2:41] No, on this podcast...

[2:42] As Gwen Stefani reminded us.

[2:45] We watch bad...

[2:45] When she married Gavin Rossdale.

[2:49] That shit is bananas.

[2:52] We watch a bad movie and we talk about it.

[2:54] And tonight we watch...

[2:55] And it's Shocktober.

[2:56] What do we do on Shocktober?

[2:57] Well, we watch horror movies because it's the spookiest time of the year.

[3:02] I'll tell you what I think is the scariest time of the year.

[3:04] Tax season.

[3:05] Oh, man, don't get him started.

[3:07] So am I ready for the blue collar comedy tour yet?

[3:11] Well, I mean, there needs to be more...

[3:13] I don't know, stuff about the color of your neck.

[3:17] What kind of vehicles you have.

[3:18] I'll tell you what my truck thinks is the scariest time of NASCAR.

[3:22] Yeah.

[3:22] Taxi season.

[3:23] There you go.

[3:25] I'm going to find it with Obama.

[3:29] So don't patronize me.

[3:31] Sorry.

[3:33] So Shocktober, scary movies.

[3:35] We watched a movie tonight.

[3:37] Now we're going to talk about it.

[3:38] Dan, take it away.

[3:39] We're all shivering on the couch, clutching each other for comfort.

[3:42] Clutching our pearls.

[3:44] I'm hoping that a robber would not steal them in the dark.

[3:49] We watched a movie called Unfriended, a horror movie for the digital age.

[3:56] Yeah, I believe there's...

[3:57] Oh, shit, did you just read the poster?

[3:59] I believe you're referring to Dee Snider's Strangelands, Dan.

[4:03] Oh, I thought I was talking about Fear.com.

[4:05] I thought you were talking about Lawnmower Man 2, The Revenge of Job.

[4:09] I thought you were talking about Cyber Howl, an online werewolf movie I just made up.

[4:15] Here's the thing.

[4:16] He turns into a werewolf online.

[4:19] HTTP colon backslash backscash scare.

[4:23] Backslash backscash.

[4:26] Backscash.

[4:28] Is that like an HP Lovecraft?

[4:30] You know what?

[4:30] Backslash would be a pretty good name for a horror movie.

[4:33] Backslash is a pretty good horror movie.

[4:35] www.ampire.com.

[4:38] Wait, what?

[4:39] Yeah, like a Romanian vampire.

[4:41] Oh, I see.

[4:42] The W's become...

[4:43] I thought it was www.ampire-like empire.

[4:48] That's my off-brand empire fan site.

[4:51] Spookemups.gov.

[4:55] America on Scare.

[4:59] It's terrible.

[5:01] Okay, well, what about...

[5:02] www.compuscare.com.

[5:04] Compuscare, there you go.

[5:06] Prodigy, but scary.

[5:09] Angel Fires of Hell.

[5:11] Netscar.

[5:13] Boogans.biz.

[5:16] Really a .biz domain name?

[5:18] Okay.

[5:18] It's a business.

[5:20] Corpse.pizza.

[5:23] There's a pizza?

[5:24] Look it up.

[5:25] It's one of those modern...

[5:26] Families.

[5:27] Yeah.

[5:27] Oh, man.

[5:30] Yeah, so let's fire this fucking thing up.

[5:33] Welcome to the podcast, everybody.

[5:34] I'm Elite Kalen.

[5:35] I'm Stuart Wellingtown, and I'm the ghost with the most...

[5:40] Beetlejuice?

[5:41] Yep.

[5:42] Wow, that's a huge gift.

[5:42] You said my name three times.

[5:44] I only said it once.

[5:45] It was after you showed up.

[5:47] I said Candyman three times.

[5:49] You showed up.

[5:50] I'm talking to your manager.

[5:50] He's busy.

[5:51] This is not the ghost I ordered.

[5:53] He's making a personal appearance in Vegas.

[5:58] Sure.

[6:00] And you didn't put a notification on your site that Candyman would be unavailable for the day?

[6:04] I figured that I was pretty good.

[6:06] I was a pretty good replacement.

[6:08] I mean, you're great.

[6:09] I love you, Beetlejuice.

[6:10] You're great.

[6:10] You're not a Candyman.

[6:11] It's a hard sell from Candyman.

[6:13] Yeah, you're pretty great.

[6:17] Mr. Candyman, can I put that on my business cards?

[6:22] An endorsement from C-man.

[6:25] And then it also says, not bad from J-man, which is Juana-man.

[6:33] Which is totally a movie and not something you just made up.

[6:36] No, it's a real movie, unlike that Werewolf Online movie, which I did make up.

[6:39] Cyber Howl?

[6:40] Cyber Howl, yep.

[6:42] It stars C. Thomas Howell as an internet billionaire who uploads his brain onto the net,

[6:51] creating Cyber Howl.

[6:53] Oh, wow.

[6:54] So he can star in a web series of Soulman.

[6:57] Wow.

[6:59] That's one way to do it.

[7:00] To end the race crisis in America?

[7:02] Yes.

[7:03] So anyway, Unfriended, or as I'm going to continue to call it, Unfriendable,

[7:08] is about, it's a horror movie that takes place on the internet.

[7:11] The entire film is seen on one screen, which is where there's a Skype hangout happening

[7:17] between a bunch of high school friends who have a lot of secrets, which will out in time.

[7:22] Secrets and lies.

[7:24] And a little bit of violence.

[7:26] And by a little bit of violence, I mean very little violence.

[7:28] Yeah.

[7:29] Oh, boy.

[7:31] A lot of just chatting, chatting away.

[7:33] And then...

[7:34] So this is a movie that came out of movie theaters, right, guys?

[7:36] It certainly did, and it did very well.

[7:37] Yeah, it didn't just come out of your computer.

[7:39] It didn't just come out of my computer.

[7:41] It didn't come out of a woman's uterus.

[7:42] No, it came out in movie theaters.

[7:44] It didn't burst forth from Zeus's skull.

[7:46] Fully formed.

[7:48] Didn't emerge on a seashell out of the ocean.

[7:51] Didn't just show up at your door, knocking on the door and say,

[7:53] hey, it's me, I'm friended.

[7:55] Wearing nothing but a trench coat.

[7:56] I guess I'll let you in.

[7:57] That's never been a part of a curse or anything.

[8:02] I'll let you cross my threshold, even though I've placed new rushes down to

[8:07] prevent such spirits from entering the home.

[8:11] Okay, so the reason I asked...

[8:14] The reason I asked is because this movie looks like I'm looking at a computer screen the whole time.

[8:18] Yeah, that's the gimmick.

[8:19] I would imagine it'd be disorienting to see on a big movie screen.

[8:23] Well, the whole time you're like, this is the biggest computer I've ever seen.

[8:26] Why are they showing a movie on it?

[8:28] They should be using it to solve the world's problems.

[8:31] Or playing one of them video games, like a World of Warcraft.

[8:35] Or playing Descent, like in Hackers.

[8:36] When they go to that hangout and they play Descent on that huge screen.

[8:41] I just remember a bunch of skateboarding in that movie.

[8:44] They were skateboarding while someone was playing Descent on a big screen.

[8:47] It's Descent, right?

[8:48] That shooter game.

[8:50] For the PlayStation?

[8:51] Maybe? I don't remember.

[8:53] Look, all I remember is Hackers.

[8:55] Go out to your video store and rent it today.

[8:58] Starring Fisher Stevens as...

[9:00] He's the villain.

[9:02] He's playing himself?

[9:04] I assume so.

[9:05] So unfriended. Let's talk...

[9:06] I assume so?

[9:08] You assume that unless notified by mail ahead of time,

[9:12] every actor is playing themselves in the movies.

[9:15] Well, particularly Fisher Stevens.

[9:17] I can't see him and think that he's anyone else.

[9:19] Well, he disappears into the part of Ben in Short Circuit, in Short Circuit 2.

[9:24] Yeah.

[9:25] It takes a tough man to make a tender, racist chicken.

[9:27] That's racist. Very racist.

[9:29] Fisher Stevens got away with it because he's America's sweetheart.

[9:32] You can't get away with it.

[9:33] He made a man...

[9:34] He said, look, I made that racist movie,

[9:36] but now I'm going to save a bunch of dolphins.

[9:38] Are we okay, America? Are we cool?

[9:39] And America said, we are cool, Fisher Stevens.

[9:43] Our top beloved turtle man.

[9:46] So anyway, here's the key to the city of America.

[9:50] So unfriended.

[9:51] There's a bunch of friends.

[9:52] It starts out two teenagers are sexting on their...

[9:57] Is that sexting if you're...

[9:59] Well, I guess it's not...

[10:00] Texts, so this is what seems like a they're just talking to each other on their skypes, and they're hinting at their video sex

[10:07] After a little bit of weird foreplay involving a fake play threatening with a knife

[10:12] The girl said I'm not in the Chekhov's knife by the way. It is Chekhov's knife. It has his name written on it

[10:18] I think you check the fingerprints. You'll find that Anton Chekhov's is the last one use that knife

[10:22] You're right take him away boys, but I am great short story and playwright. How could I commit murder?

[10:30] Sorry Chekhov take him away

[10:33] No, it's not me. It was uncle Vanya

[10:37] So I'm supposed to believe that your fictional character came into our world like in some sort of monkey bone situation

[10:48] Okay classic monkey

[10:51] Yeah, that's that's a 1042 dad

[10:54] The movie that

[10:56] Without that movie whoopie Goldberg never would have entered the sci-fi fantasy genre you we'd have no Theodore Rex

[11:01] But anyway, we haven't said anything about unfriended yet, so these two these these teens are making plans

[11:07] They're gonna lose their virginity with her watching videos of her friend's suicide. Oh, you're right, okay before the teens are talking

[11:13] Oh this movie really blurs together my mind because it's all teens talking on screens teens on screens tonight at 11

[11:20] You know the you're right it opens with we see a video of a girl

[11:25] Drunk at a party and then later that video there's video of her killing herself in a public place

[11:30] She's a teenager, and she's dead now. Oh, why did she do it?

[11:34] What was in that video where she was drunk at a party it was so embarrassing

[11:38] She had no recourse

[11:40] But to blow her own brains out on a basketball court yep film at 11

[11:45] Now so it's being watched by Bailey who is a teen girl those Blair Blair is a teen girl

[11:52] I don't know these characters names Bailey does sound like a teen girl name sure it does nowadays

[11:58] Everyone's using weird names these days Bailey Blair beetle Bailey

[12:03] Bailey is I mean most girls are named after beetle Bailey now either named beetle or Bailey

[12:09] Sarge

[12:12] General half-track

[12:15] Buckley yeah, she makes miss last name, but

[12:29] Journalists

[12:33] It's an odd name for a person or a

[12:36] Name for anything other than a shoe yeah, okay, so

[12:40] We learned that this girl was embarrassed by a video of her drunk at a party she killed herself

[12:43] We learned that through

[12:45] Sometimes this movie will introduce text on the screen

[12:47] And you see you see a cursor slowly go over it to make sure that you're the the viewer is catching all of it

[12:55] Takes down or fucking ever for anyone to click on anything in this movie is it's designed for the slowest readers I

[13:02] Mean those are the people like teens would go to horror movies. Yeah, it'd be fast readers, but

[13:06] And I'm generalizing terribly, but yeah, there's one of the problems with the movie is that

[13:11] It's not a wholly unsuccessful movie, but one of its problems. Yeah, I mean critically it did okay

[13:16] This this is like on the edge. This is on the razor's edge of our purview. Yeah

[13:22] We're really we're walking a tightrope with this one folks

[13:25] Is that it takes everything the clicking on things is very slow a link will pop up and like Dan saying?

[13:31] It'll hold for a long time as you wait for

[13:34] Blair to sudden to like

[13:36] Finally click on this thing and they're building suspense some other time, but sometimes they're just being slow

[13:41] She's like moving her cursor around the whole time too. It's not just well. Yes, your computer doesn't fall

[13:47] I don't know you can imagine I don't I'm maybe there's a lot of parts where she's typing things and then deleting them or thinking

[13:53] About typing stuff and then deleting it and one time that

[13:58] Gives us some information. We wouldn't otherwise have but usually it's just kind of time filler

[14:02] But so she is the director off off-camera like tell the person to stretch

[14:08] Yeah, they shot this in real time

[14:11] With the actress actually out rating the camera. This movie is only a hair over 80 minutes long. So

[14:16] We're just stretching, you know, yeah, it's a it's a you know and done it could this could have been a tight

[14:24] 70 minute like bottom half of a double bill right back in the back in ye olde days before the Internet ironic

[14:30] Because what would they make the movie about?

[14:32] for people on like a

[14:35] Future like a telephone party line or something graphing each other. They're just telegraphing each other videos

[14:42] There there was a there was a there was an embarrassing description in the local like penny dreadful

[14:49] There's a time-lapse of several weeks for the Pony Express

[14:53] delivers a photograph

[14:55] In our minds technology is either the Pony Express and telegraphs or the Internet and Skype there's nothing

[15:02] There are steamships in there somewhere. Yeah steamships of the mind floating through the clouds. Yep. Anyway, so

[15:10] So I guess Blair was remind remembering her friend Laura killing herself

[15:13] Mm-hmm, and then she gets interrupted by a call from a boyfriend who's not wearing a shirt

[15:17] They have their weird flirting involving a knife and they say I think on prom night

[15:21] We should do it finally and he's like, well, what that's great. Suddenly. They're broken in on by their friends who are all Skype

[15:27] Calling each other. Yeah, all the gangs all here. There's

[15:31] Blair and her boyfriend Mitch. There's Adam who's kind of the jerk. He's the AC Slater of the group. There's

[15:41] I don't know. There's easy Slater is the slightly more aggressive slightly less smart Zack. Yeah, but he's not he's an army brat

[15:49] He's not wealthy like Adam is in this movie. I guess that's true. You're right. They're totally different

[15:54] I'm just trying to map these characters. You've got Jess who is

[15:58] She's blonde. Yeah, they're trade. She's blonde and kind of mean, but she's not supposed to be kind of slutty

[16:03] I think yeah, but she's not a Jesse Spano or Lisa turtle. So we don't really know who she is. Blair's clearly the Kelly Kapowski

[16:10] so

[16:12] Because her dad's a turtle and then who's the fat party dude

[16:17] He's screech. Okay the nerd because he uses has computer skills debt later on and he is totally undateable by any of the other leads

[16:23] All right

[16:24] Checks out your math checks out and he's wearing an all-over print t-shirt, which is a sign of a real party, dude

[16:30] Yeah, and he talks at one point about how he made his own salsa. So that happens

[16:35] It's checkoff salsa, they're all

[16:38] big

[16:40] They kill some time for a while just kind of be in teens

[16:43] Foe insulting each other talking about whatevs and then they notice that there's a mysterious

[16:49] person who's just represented by a graphic the Skype just kind of generic graphic who's been

[16:55] Listening in on their conversation and none of them can seem to figure out how to hang up on this person

[16:59] It's almost like there's a ghost in the machine

[17:02] But whereas that term really means kind of like the spirit inside of our physical being, you know the soul if you will

[17:07] yeah here it means a literal ghost that's inside of a computer, but we don't know that yet because

[17:14] Computer

[17:17] The I don't it's it'd be sad if you thought somebody was really scared but turned out they just had a stutter

[17:25] That's terrible anyway

[17:27] long story short this faceless thing starts

[17:31] Interacting with them and sending messages to Blair

[17:34] Implying or not implying hinting or outright stating that this is actually the ghost of Laura Barnes their friend their friend Laura who was

[17:42] Cyberbullied into killing herself. How come what's in that video that we need to find out about that's like intercut with her

[17:48] Like checking this forum that has news about people who interact with ghosts and then kill themselves

[17:55] Do not communicate it's like warning do not communicate with ghosts on your computer

[18:01] Yeah, there's a bulletin about her on Facebook

[18:04] This lady communicated with a ghost on your computer and then three days later. She died. It's basically what it says

[18:11] Yeah, this is I mean, this is basically Samara from the ring who but instead of coming out of a TV

[18:16] Just kills you with your computer lives in the Internet. Yep. Terry Brooks is short sort of Samara. He feeds on fan art

[18:23] The more the more slash fic about Kirk and Spock she reads the stronger she gets

[18:29] There's flashback about everything dude. It's crazy. That's true. That's true. Go on

[18:34] I bet there's fuckin unfriended slash you think there's any Bill Clinton now gore slash fic. Oh, let's check it out

[18:39] All right, bring it up in your computer. No, say sir. We want it. We want the FBI to know about this

[18:46] Right, there it is a million hits

[18:50] Enhance

[18:52] Enhance

[18:54] It's called lover-in-chief. Oh

[18:56] Wow, okay story checks out very romantic a lot of cuddling. Wow, you read that fast

[19:02] Yeah

[19:03] Dan's a speed reader

[19:04] Which is why this movie doubly bothered him because he not only was able to read things many times over before people clicked on them

[19:10] yeah, but anyway one by one everyone gets unnerved and freaked out by this thing, which seems to know secrets about all about of them and

[19:18] Yeah, it's a ghost that's why it knows it but we it's kind of for a while Blair thinks that her boyfriend is trying to

[19:24] Prank her and she thinks everybody else is trying to prank them. Everybody turns on each other

[19:27] They bring another friend a friend of theirs Val shows up who none of them really like and she she's like

[19:33] I'm one of those Queen B types. Yeah. Yeah, exactly

[19:36] She's like a real mean girl. Okay. Yeah, she's kind of a clueless. Okay. She's kind of a Knight of the Comet

[19:43] She's a real bring it on she's not an easy a no

[19:47] She's kind of a Heather. Okay. Yeah from the film of the same name. Is she a Beetlejuice?

[19:53] Neither is she a greatest show on earth. How about a drive me crazy. She one of those

[20:00] Maybe, yeah, possibly, where she's gone crazy.

[20:02] Or 10 Things I Hate About You.

[20:03] She's a real...

[20:04] She's out of control.

[20:05] Oh, that's what I was thinking.

[20:06] She's a real My Father the Hero.

[20:10] Okay.

[20:11] I've got her pictured now.

[20:13] Okay.

[20:14] You've painted a real world picture for me.

[20:15] Is she a My Father is a Hero, the Jackie Chan movie?

[20:18] Or is it a jelly movie?

[20:19] I think it's jelly.

[20:20] Wow, it's...

[20:21] I thought you said jelly movie.

[20:23] Is it a jelly movie?

[20:24] Yeah, that's how little kids say jelly.

[20:28] I want to see Once Upon a Time in China with jelly.

[20:34] When you say you're gonna make them

[20:35] a peanut butter and jelly sandwich,

[20:36] and they're like, how did you get Jet Li into that sandwich?

[20:39] I'm terrified.

[20:40] I don't want to eat that.

[20:40] That sandwich packs a punch.

[20:44] I don't want to eat it, man.

[20:47] Yep, this sandwich has a kid to it.

[20:50] This sandwich...

[20:51] Kid has a real knowledge of Jet Li's filmography.

[20:53] This sandwich has the USDA recommended daily allowance

[20:56] of Iron Monkey.

[21:00] Anyway, so Val is revealed.

[21:04] She was one of the people who cyber bullied Laura.

[21:07] Laura sent her a text saying, why did you do this?

[21:10] I'm sorry, it was me.

[21:11] And Val said, why don't you kill yourself?

[21:13] And Laura did.

[21:14] And Val is like, ah, ah, I didn't, ah.

[21:17] And they lose sight of her.

[21:18] Then she shows back up on, and they're like,

[21:19] what happened to Val?

[21:20] What happened to Val?

[21:21] She shows back up on the phone, she's not moving.

[21:23] And there's a bottle of...

[21:24] She's totally Blair Witching it.

[21:25] There's a bottle of bleach next to her.

[21:27] And then she kind of falls over.

[21:29] Then the police come by.

[21:30] She's called the police, and I guess the ghost told her

[21:32] not to call the police.

[21:33] I forgot about that part.

[21:34] And the police come by, and she's,

[21:36] they name it a suicide by bleach.

[21:39] Yeah, but they do it with police codes.

[21:42] So that lets us, lets our heroine Blair,

[21:44] or Bailey, as we've come to know her,

[21:46] to Google search police codes,

[21:52] and we figure out she's committed suicide.

[21:54] And then the police accidentally show her face.

[21:57] And for a moment, we stare into the depths of madness.

[22:00] Mm-hmm, the ska band.

[22:04] Then we move, they're all freaked out.

[22:06] They're like, ah, our friend Val, ah, ah, ah.

[22:09] And you know how it's gonna go.

[22:10] One by one, different secrets will be revealed,

[22:12] and characters will be offed.

[22:14] Ken gets killed next, because of course he does.

[22:17] He's the least, he's the party dude

[22:19] that is not like a super fit model type.

[22:23] He's got a rude attitude.

[22:25] He's crude and rude, and his attitude is.

[22:28] His jokes are lewd.

[22:29] Yeah, I'm glad he's not nude.

[22:31] His favorite Cronenberg movie is The Brood.

[22:34] He loves the crudes.

[22:36] The way he likes his beets, stewed.

[22:40] Favorite type of gum, already been chewed.

[22:45] Favorite French chef, Daniel Boulud.

[22:49] His favorite psychologist is Frood.

[22:51] He mispronounces it.

[22:55] He's pretty dumb.

[22:56] But he's the smart guy, because he gives them a program

[22:59] that lets them kick the ghost off their Skype call.

[23:02] So this ghost says, if you hang up, you die.

[23:04] We're gonna play a game.

[23:05] If you hang up, you die.

[23:06] It's not much of a game.

[23:07] And Ken gives them this program that gets rid of Trojan.

[23:12] I'm glad you're critiquing the rules of this game.

[23:14] Well, they play another game later on

[23:15] that's more of a game.

[23:16] Yeah, it's like fucking Quidditch.

[23:18] Yeah, where you score points for no reason,

[23:21] since there's a magic winning machine that you get.

[23:23] Yeah, there's a snitch that you can just get

[23:25] that shuts the whole fucking game down.

[23:27] Yup.

[23:28] Stupid fucking game.

[23:29] That snitch gets a stitch.

[23:31] There were once, across the street from us,

[23:33] in the park, across the Daily Show offices,

[23:35] there were kids that liked Quidditch camp,

[23:37] and it was the saddest thing I think I've ever seen.

[23:38] They were just walking around with brooms

[23:40] between their legs, just throwing balls at each other.

[23:43] They were having fun, though.

[23:43] They were pretty saddle sore

[23:45] at the end of the day, I'd imagine.

[23:46] Oh yeah, there was a lot of liniment

[23:47] that gets used in Quidditch.

[23:49] That's the scene they cut out of Harry Potter,

[23:51] was Harry with his pants off,

[23:53] and what's his name, Dobley,

[23:54] that elf was just rubbing liniment into his thighs.

[23:56] Yeah.

[23:57] Yeah, he's got a red welt across his upper thighs.

[24:04] Okay, getting too graphic.

[24:05] Look, I was toeing the line there, but you went too far.

[24:09] Right next to his testicles.

[24:11] Save it for your Harry Potter house elf fanfic.

[24:15] And then Ron Weasley came in and he said,

[24:17] Eri, why don't I do that?

[24:20] Mm-hmm, yeah.

[24:21] And then Dobby's like, we can all do that,

[24:23] because Dobby talks like I do.

[24:25] He's a house elf, dude.

[24:27] He doesn't give a shit.

[24:28] He doesn't have an accent.

[24:29] I like the idea that people who have accents

[24:34] do it because they give a shit.

[24:36] They're just trying too hard.

[24:38] They're trying.

[24:43] But if you don't care, if you're really cool,

[24:46] you can drop that.

[24:47] You can drop that, man.

[24:50] You don't need that.

[24:53] You're gonna need to make yourself interesting

[24:54] with an accent.

[24:57] He's wearing a fucking pillowcase, bro.

[24:59] He's a human.

[25:01] Just talk regular default human voice,

[25:04] which is American English,

[25:06] from the like northeast to midwest.

[25:09] Anyway, so Ken gets the,

[25:13] because he has dared to fight the ghost,

[25:16] Ken Cosgrove did lose an eye, I guess, spoiler alert.

[25:19] But Ken has dared to fight the ghost

[25:21] and use his virus tricks.

[25:24] And let me tell you about this.

[25:24] Okay, here's a side note.

[25:26] They did a-

[25:27] You have Mary Curie over here with his virus tricks.

[25:30] What?

[25:31] Mary Curie was a nuclear physicist,

[25:34] or a chemist, rather.

[25:35] She discovered radium, I don't know what.

[25:38] She doesn't fight in viruses.

[25:42] Not that you know of.

[25:43] I have some real issues too

[25:44] with your Mary Curie video game,

[25:46] where she shrinks down to microscopic size

[25:48] and throws radium at germs and viruses.

[25:51] I think you just took an Innerspace game.

[25:54] Yep, it was my Dr. Mario sequel.

[25:59] We know what the problem is with Dr. Mario.

[26:00] No basis in historical facts.

[26:04] You have two options, fever or chill,

[26:06] and it's just a difference in music.

[26:10] In history, Dr. Mario was not a real doctor.

[26:14] He just liked giving women breast exams

[26:16] in the back of a van.

[26:19] He was arrested, thankfully.

[26:20] Before he could disappear down a sewer pipe.

[26:23] Yeah, ironically, the man who arrested him, Officer Wario.

[26:26] Hollywood really twisted that tale in the retelling.

[26:29] So, they do a good job with Blair

[26:32] of building up that she's looking at other stuff

[26:34] on her computer.

[26:35] There's just other open tabs.

[26:36] And she's having trouble using this virus-destroying program

[26:42] and erasing the files and deleting them forever

[26:44] because she still has a QuickTime window open

[26:46] that just says it's Miley Cyrus on SNL.

[26:50] And I liked that.

[26:51] That was like a real-world moment

[26:53] to be creating tension in your horror movie

[26:55] that you can't erase the thing

[26:57] because the file is still in use.

[26:58] Yeah, I do like the,

[27:00] even though there was a weird countdown thing

[27:02] that showed up all of a sudden,

[27:04] and sometimes this movie also,

[27:06] music cues and sound effects appear.

[27:09] And I don't mean a song plays.

[27:10] It's just like scary atmosphere music

[27:13] seems to play in the background every once in a while.

[27:15] And I'm like, is that coming out of a computer?

[27:17] It has to be.

[27:18] It's diegetic.

[27:19] Okay.

[27:20] So, I like the fact that Ken, when he dies,

[27:23] when the ghost makes him die,

[27:25] we've established that he's made the salsa earlier.

[27:28] Yeah, this is just good screenwriting.

[27:30] And he apparently makes his salsa with a blender.

[27:33] And then later on, we see flashes of him

[27:35] with his arm in a blender being like, ah!

[27:37] And then he snatches the glass

[27:39] and the blender cuts his throat.

[27:41] Yeah.

[27:42] Here's the thing, of course he's in a blender.

[27:43] He's lazy.

[27:44] You think he's gonna chop up all those tomatoes?

[27:46] Yeah, I guess so.

[27:47] He wants to get right to the chilling

[27:48] and the partying, dude.

[27:50] As he drinks salsa out of a blender cup in his bedroom.

[27:54] Because he made the salsa with a blender in his bedroom.

[27:58] Hoisted by his own petard, blender-wise.

[28:01] I mean, where else are you guys making salsa?

[28:04] Than in your bedroom?

[28:05] Yeah.

[28:06] It seems weird that he would have a functioning blender

[28:08] in his bedroom.

[28:10] But again, he's lazy.

[28:11] He doesn't want to go all the way to the kitchen.

[28:12] But I mean, his parents should have stopped him

[28:14] from doing that.

[28:15] I mean, he eats a quart of salsa every week.

[28:18] I mean, I guess it's good that he's eating vegetables, right?

[28:22] It's the only way his parents can get him to eat them.

[28:24] So Ken dies, but only after finding a camera

[28:27] in the air vent of his room or something,

[28:29] which is never really explained.

[28:31] Nor does it need to be explained or make sense.

[28:33] It's one of the moments, there are a couple moments

[28:35] where the movie seems to be like trying out

[28:38] what its ghost can do.

[28:40] Like when you first get a game in the mail

[28:42] and you're just pressing, or in the mail,

[28:44] you just first buy a game.

[28:45] What, you got a fucking Gamefly membership?

[28:48] Just order it from Amazon or something.

[28:50] And you're trying out all the buttons

[28:52] to kind of see what they do.

[28:54] There's parts of the movie where it's like,

[28:55] can our ghost stick a camera in someone's vents?

[28:58] Sure, why not?

[28:59] Okay, will that come in handy?

[29:01] Not really.

[29:02] Why does a ghost need a camera in the first place?

[29:05] To make things spooky.

[29:06] All right.

[29:07] I guess, or just.

[29:09] Movies are a visual medium, Dan.

[29:10] I guess just to spy on Ken undressing, maybe.

[29:14] Yeah, well.

[29:15] I mean, it doesn't even necessarily have a physical camera.

[29:17] It could just be like at the manifestation

[29:19] of the ghost or something.

[29:20] That's true, its eyes are the camera.

[29:22] Yeah, the ghost is just hanging on the camera.

[29:24] Now, he also.

[29:27] There's no shots of like literally a ghost

[29:29] sitting at a computer, like typing messages to them.

[29:32] They also do, what if the ghost is just

[29:34] at the public library using one of the computers?

[29:36] Sure, masturbating.

[29:37] Yeah.

[29:40] One of the things the movie also does

[29:42] is it uses like meme type things a bunch.

[29:44] So it sends Blair pictures of her in bed

[29:48] with her boyfriend's best friend, Adam,

[29:50] who's also in on this Skype call.

[29:51] But in those block white letters

[29:54] that are used in meme pictures,

[29:54] it's like, not your boyfriend, question mark,

[29:57] or something like that.

[29:58] Everyone types in like.

[30:00] teen speak too, so it's a lot of like letter U instead of the word U, just

[30:04] misspellings all over the place. Seriously. Yeah, seriously. It's realism.

[30:08] Anyway. So many question marks. One question mark will not suffice.

[30:13] Excessive punctuation. Once Ken is out, it's time to play the game I have never, or

[30:17] did I ever? Never have I ever. And the way they play it is, it doesn't matter, but

[30:23] there... When you were in high school, Elliot, did you play that game a lot? No, it was

[30:27] more of a college game. Okay, yeah. I played it in high school with a bunch of

[30:31] Catholic school girls, and it was crazy. Really? Yes, it was crazy. So... I was

[30:39] shamed. The stuff I've heard about Catholic school girls was not just a

[30:42] rumor? It wasn't a rumor, Dan. All your dreams are true. We're gonna have to take

[30:48] a break, everybody. I feel like I dated the wrong Catholic in high school. Well, you were

[30:53] dating the Pope. Oh, no! Yes, no wonder you didn't get anywhere, Dan. Yeah. He took a vow of

[30:58] abstinence and chastity and Popishness. But I feel like when I played it in

[31:04] college, it was just a lot of, like, you say the thing and then you drink. Rather

[31:10] than here, it was... there was a whole elaborate scheme of, like, you... You hold up

[31:14] your fingers. You hold up your fingers and you count it down from five. I think it's just a more

[31:17] visual way of doing it. Yeah. And to build tension. Oh, I forgot earlier. So that

[31:23] Val... it had been... the ghost had made it look like the friend Jess had put

[31:26] pictures up of Val, who's... we all know will kill herself from... with bleach. Like,

[31:31] may put up pictures of her at a party where she's getting drunk and high. So the

[31:34] ghost has access to everything that's on everybody's computer and also their

[31:38] Facebook profiles. Ah! Oh, no! And she's like... That's a nightmare. My mom's my friend on

[31:43] Facebook. As was Jess's. No, Val's. Well, Val's dead anyway. Doesn't matter. So they...

[31:48] So Val's dead. Ken's dead. They all reveal their secrets. Turns out they've

[31:52] betrayed each other in petty ways. One called... called the cops on the other one

[31:56] for selling pot. One stole money from another one. They find out that Jess

[32:01] started a rumor about Blair having an eating disorder. And Blair slept with

[32:06] Adam. Matt finds out Blair slept with Adam. Yeah, that's the big deal. And, uh,

[32:10] does... and, uh, they... Adam and Blair both get something printed out on their

[32:16] computers. And Mitch is freaking out. He's like, even though my friends are dying, I

[32:20] am way more upset about the idea that my best friend slept with my girlfriend.

[32:24] And there's a video of it that the ghost sends them. Yeah, you don't watch that

[32:28] video, dude. No, come on. You can't unsee that. But also, as you said while you're

[32:32] watching it, dude, you're in high school. You're gonna get over it. Yeah, you'll get

[32:34] over it, man. It gets better. But there... Mitch is freaking out. It gets better. When you leave high school, ghosts stop

[32:41] tormenting you. That's your video and Dan Savage calls you and is like, Stuart, this

[32:47] video, I appreciate your effort. It is not helpful. This is not the problem that...

[32:51] This does not fit my brand. Also, not true. Ghosts go after adults all the time. It's

[32:59] called A Christmas Carol. Watch it or read it. Yeah, that's a pretty good... that's a

[33:05] pretty good source, yeah. Yeah, so the... so they get something printed out and Mitch

[33:13] is like, no more secrets. Show me what it is. If you don't show me, I'm gonna hang

[33:16] up. And Blairs knows that if Mitch hangs up, he's gonna die because a ghost is

[33:20] gonna get him. And so she shows him the paper and it says, if Mitch sees this,

[33:23] Adam dies. And Adam, who was waving a gun around earlier, shoots himself in the

[33:27] head. A quick check back on the message board about whether you should talk to

[33:31] ghosts, where there's a thing at the end about how ghosts can take over your

[33:35] bodies and make you commit suicide. Then back to the main conversation. Now it's

[33:40] just his turn to die. I don't remember why this time. Yeah, I don't remember. But she runs into the

[33:44] bathroom. She defaced her grave. Yeah, I guess something like that. Yeah, she did. And she

[33:50] runs into the bathroom. Well, yeah. I just remember that, like, we never talked about what the

[33:54] video was that caused her to kill herself. Well, we haven't gotten to that part yet. Oh, is it not there yet? I don't

[33:58] remember when they revealed it. Don't spoil the reveal, Dan. Let's just get to Jess's death. Okay. Jess dies.

[34:02] Every time someone dies, like, blips out and then blips back to a quick

[34:07] shot of them dying and then blips out again. And it blips back to Jess and she

[34:11] has a hot curling iron stuffed down her throat. And she's just choking to death

[34:15] and while burning on the inside. That is ridiculous. That is crazy. And I think the

[34:20] most horrifying thing is this ghost's imagination. If only it had been some kind

[34:26] of, I don't know, like a sandwich. It was an ironic death because the things she

[34:33] cared most about were her beautiful curly locks. Yeah, which she cut off to buy

[34:38] that watch chain for the ghost. Oh, but I sold my watch to buy you, the ghost, some

[34:43] combs. But wait, hold on. You just introduced the character to us. How many people are in this story, Dan? This is a very simple parallel and you have screwed it up big time. The ghost loves trying. How many magi's are there? There are three, I guess. Yeah.

[35:04] So then the ghost sends them a meme that says, she finally STFU'd me. Shut the fuck up. But you're like, oh, I wish it was a wittier meme that this ghost had sent. You wish this ghost was like a famous Twitter meme creator. Yeah, I wish that it was an image of her with a hot iron in her throat and then sunglasses

[35:27] floating down. And then it has this keyboard cat just playing her off. Now that would have been a meme. So I think now is around when we finally see the video, which is, so Laura is drunk at a party boasting about something. And then the video follows her over to where she's a ghost. She's not a ghost. She's a future ghost, as we all are. She's a pre-ghost. She's a pre-ghost, or an old person, as I call them. So she's at the party that night. She got drunk and passed out on the ground. And?

[35:57] Pooped herself. Yeah. And there's poop all coming out of her pants. And that's on the video. And it turns out somebody posted that video and then wrote in the name of the video was like, and then they wrote on it, leaky Laura. And then the name of the video is Laura kill yourself. Now, I mean, now speaking as a guy who has poop in his pants all the time, Dan, you don't see what the problem is. I poop like a million times. It's NBD. I wanted someone to say to Laura, look, everyone poops. There's a book you can read about it. It gets better.

[36:27] She wasn't like Dan Savage calls you up again, Stuart. This is I appreciate the enthusiasm.

[36:33] Stop pooping when you get out of high school.

[36:35] That's one not scientifically accurate of anything. You poop a lot more when you're older. And two, it's not the problem that these teens are dealing with is not that they're pooping. It's a natural thing everybody does. And you're like, I know that's what I'm trying to tell them.

[36:48] It was natural. Why did people tell her to kill herself?

[36:50] It's

[36:52] shouldn't have worn white shorts.

[36:53] I just

[36:55] after Labor Day.

[36:56] I'm not saying that a video of someone pooping themselves wouldn't be like super embarrassing because it is like that would be a super embarrassing thing to have.

[37:04] I mean, it's not a video of her pooping yourself. It's the after effects. It's not like you see her like,

[37:11] straining.

[37:13] But

[37:14] which would be oddly

[37:14] yeah, the butt is where it came out of, Dan.

[37:17] But after all this buildup, I expected something less silly than

[37:21] I expected it was gonna be like her with like

[37:24] shorts,

[37:25] her with like three guys on her or something like something where you can understand like, this is something that she is ashamed of having either been part of or she was taken advantage of. And she can't live with that shame. Something where there's something really like transgressive or horrifying.

[37:39] Yeah, viscerally horrifying.

[37:41] I kind of like that it wasn't

[37:42] supposed to poop in the pants.

[37:44] Check out poop pants over here.

[37:47] You guys are playing with fire. You got a ghost that's gonna come kill you soon.

[37:50] I know. We were just we didn't want you to kill yourself.

[37:53] You're all poopy, bud.

[37:54] No, but it is. It is a weird anti-climax to find out that it's because she passed out with poop in her pants.

[38:02] Like, it's a

[38:03] Has ghost motivations, girl. It's pretty low on the scale.

[38:07] It's fairly lame. I mean, no, her motivation is that she died.

[38:11] Sure. Well, she made that choice.

[38:13] That's a good point. She was cyber bullied. How is she going to race the how is anyone going to hire her in the future knowing that once she had poop in her pants, that kind of thing follows you much as poop in your pants follows you because it's in your pants with you. It's trapped in your pants, Dan.

[38:28] So I'm going to jump the gun here, guys, and talk about powers that I wish this ghost had.

[38:32] And one of them, I wish, is that it would make the room smell like poop when it was about to possess it.

[38:37] I thought you were going to say the power of you like she made like one of the other people poop their pants so violently that they die.

[38:45] If it was there, if there if clearly there's no God in the universe of this, that's how Thomas Jefferson died, by the way, if there was, he would have given her merely the power to make other people poop in their pants.

[38:57] And then we would have been five teens on chat being spooked out and then each of them pooping in front of each other and then never talking to each other again because they're so embarrassed.

[39:06] The weirdest, the biggest coincidence of this movie is that before we started to watch it, I mentioned how I was scared that I might poop my pants and Dan would make me walk home with pants full of poop.

[39:17] But little did I know, the movie would revolve the crux of this movie horcrux, if you will.

[39:23] There's a bunch of horcrux at all, much as it follows tapped into my personal fear of being chased your this tapped into your personal fear of poop in the pants.

[39:33] Let me tell you, it's a loss of control.

[39:35] I live with somebody who poops his pants all the time and he seems totally cool with it.

[39:40] Enjoy it even.

[39:42] I don't know about that.

[39:43] I mean, he's a little proud sometimes.

[39:46] So anyway, Blair and Adam are the only ones left.

[39:50] Blair has clearly chosen.

[39:51] No, Matt Blair or Mitch Blair and Mitch, her boyfriend, the only ones left.

[39:55] Blair's clearly chosen Mitch over Adam by allowing him to be killed by the ghost to save Adam.

[40:00] I'm getting killed, yeah.

[40:01] Yeah, I'm getting killed.

[40:02] Jess is dead now, and there's just the two of them.

[40:06] Now, earlier, when Blair was typing to Mitch,

[40:10] she was about to tell him over text

[40:11] that Laura had been, I guess, like,

[40:15] molested by her uncle when she was younger,

[40:17] and so she had these issues,

[40:17] but she deleted all that and didn't tell him.

[40:20] Now, Laura the ghost is like, who put the video up?

[40:23] Mitch put it up, didn't he?

[40:24] Mitch put it up, didn't he?

[40:25] And Blair is typing, no, Mitch didn't do it, deletes it.

[40:29] No, he didn't, he's innocent, he's a good person,

[40:30] deletes it, and then finally she just types,

[40:32] yeah, he did it, and she kills Mitch

[40:37] by having the knife that he was using earlier

[40:38] just fly straight through his eye.

[40:40] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[40:42] Laura has, no, Blair.

[40:43] Chekov's knife.

[40:44] Blair has gone to the message board,

[40:46] yeah, that knife Chekov killed us with.

[40:48] Blair has gone back to that message board

[40:50] and told her the only way to stop this ghost

[40:52] is to admit wrongdoing.

[40:54] Okay.

[40:55] There's an easy four-step plan

[40:56] for not for stopping the ghost.

[40:59] One, stop, two, drop, three, roll.

[41:02] Open up shop.

[41:03] Or admit wrongdoing.

[41:04] And then beam up, rock spitting not included.

[41:09] Now, so she says, I'm sorry, we're good people,

[41:13] we didn't mean to do this, dah, dah, dah,

[41:15] and Laura the ghost is like, oh, really?

[41:18] Well, take a look at this video.

[41:19] And she puts up, finally we see

[41:21] the unedited poop pants video.

[41:24] And at the end of it.

[41:25] What the audience has been dying for.

[41:27] We see that though Mitch was the one who uploaded it,

[41:30] t'was Blair that shot the tape

[41:32] as she turns the camera around on herself

[41:34] at the end and laughs.

[41:35] Bum, bum, bum.

[41:36] Classic Hitchcock move.

[41:38] Yeah, let's give this more of a classic

[41:41] M. Night Shyamalan move.

[41:42] And she, oh no, she's the one who did it.

[41:45] Laura the ghost uploads the full video to Facebook.

[41:49] Everyone sees it and starts telling Blair to kill herself.

[41:52] And she's like, what, no, no, ah.

[41:55] And then shuts her computer and a ghost kills her.

[41:59] Yeah.

[42:00] And a ghost jumps out at her.

[42:01] As you pointed out, Elliot, it seemed like overkill.

[42:03] Like it seems like it should be like one or the other.

[42:06] Either the ghost publicly shames her or the ghost kills her.

[42:09] Like publicly shaming her and killing her

[42:11] doesn't really like.

[42:12] It felt a little bit like the end of Drag Me to Hell

[42:14] where she's accomplished the thing she was supposed to do.

[42:17] And she's been chastened,

[42:18] like she's no longer the callous person she was.

[42:20] But she goes to hell anyway,

[42:22] because she has the wrong coin in her pocket.

[42:24] Although that's one of the things I like

[42:25] about Drag Me to Hell is like the ultimate punishment

[42:28] so outweighs the crime.

[42:30] Yeah.

[42:32] Yeah.

[42:33] But so this movie, I'll give it this.

[42:35] So the movie literally ends with a smash cut

[42:37] to the title card says Unfriended.

[42:40] And then it goes right in some awesome teen dance music.

[42:43] Oh yeah.

[42:44] Which had us shaking our booties.

[42:46] We were all dancing in the dark,

[42:48] just like Bruce Springsteen.

[42:49] And I guess.

[42:50] Bernie Cox.

[42:51] Yeah, and like Bjork in that movie.

[42:54] The Dancer in the Dark movie.

[42:56] Yeah, with the Bruce Springsteen movie.

[42:59] Or Bjork played Bruce Springsteen.

[43:00] Bjork Springsteen.

[43:03] And it's miscasting.

[43:04] I gotta say.

[43:06] She was very good though.

[43:07] It was miscasting.

[43:08] It's a casting service that only puts women into male roles.

[43:12] Miscasting it's called, or miscasting.

[43:14] Owned by Tilda Swinton they say.

[43:19] Legend say.

[43:20] Rumor says Tilda Swinton's behind the whole thing.

[43:23] But I don't know.

[43:26] Well, thanks mysterious boxcar hobo.

[43:31] Why I know so much about Hollywood lore, I don't know.

[43:35] I work for CAA.

[43:42] You got the goods.

[43:42] I like your representation.

[43:43] You're really enjoying the story Mr. Hobo.

[43:47] Why is somebody tickling me?

[43:49] Why is somebody tickling you?

[43:50] What's going on?

[43:51] Yep, you can't see it because we're on the phone right now.

[43:54] But it's about 3 p.m. tickling.

[43:57] Okay, I mean, I live the hedonistic Hollywood lifestyle.

[44:01] I got someone to tickle me.

[44:02] I got a tickle man.

[44:05] Don't know who gave this hobo a phone.

[44:07] You say tickle man three times in a mirror.

[44:10] He appears and begins to tickle your feet.

[44:15] Anyway, or tickle juice.

[44:16] Anyway, so let me say this about the movie.

[44:19] I didn't love it.

[44:20] I didn't even kind of like it.

[44:22] But I feel like, but I feel like.

[44:24] Wow, pre-final judgment.

[44:26] But for a movie, but I would say for a movie

[44:29] that is a static shot of a screen

[44:31] and everything's just moving around on that screen,

[44:34] I thought they did a very good job of keeping focus

[44:37] and not having you feel like you were just watching

[44:40] one image for an entire film.

[44:41] Like it's not.

[44:42] And they don't, I don't think they break the rules

[44:44] of the movie very much.

[44:45] No, I don't think so.

[44:46] Other than the aforementioned weird music cues.

[44:48] And when they give the ghost extra powers.

[44:51] Yeah, yeah.

[44:52] But like for the most, but they, I feel like they.

[44:53] Yeah, you don't know anything about ghosts.

[44:54] They could have every power in the book.

[44:56] All I know is I ain't afraid of them.

[44:57] The ghost power book.

[44:58] Yeah.

[44:59] The ghost power book.

[45:00] Now let's do, it's called the Bible.

[45:02] The holiest of ghosts.

[45:05] So, okay, we can do final judgments.

[45:07] Now let's do Shocktober final judgments.

[45:09] Is this totally scarifying?

[45:11] Is it totally snorifying?

[45:15] Or is it frightfully funny?

[45:17] Elliot, you've already.

[45:18] Well, it doesn't really fit those categories.

[45:21] I didn't think it was totally scarifying.

[45:23] And then it wasn't totally snorifying either.

[45:25] Like I said, it was not, I didn't love it.

[45:27] But I thought that as an experiment

[45:29] in doing a movie like this,

[45:30] it was successful much of the time.

[45:33] From a directorial point of view,

[45:34] I think the concept was very successful.

[45:36] I found the characters entirely irritating.

[45:38] And the punishment did not fit the crime.

[45:40] Like we were saying,

[45:42] the revelation that it was poop pants.

[45:45] That was the cause of the whole mystery.

[45:47] Was an anti-climactic one.

[45:49] I felt like this was not the right,

[45:51] this was a great vessel.

[45:53] And the story that was filling that vessel

[45:54] was not the right one.

[45:56] Yeah, I'm gonna go with.

[45:57] They did not let the right one in to the vessel.

[45:59] So if this vessel was a pair of pants,

[46:01] this movie didn't poop the pants full of poop.

[46:03] No, the movie would be poop.

[46:05] A thing you don't want in pants.

[46:07] This movie, these pants deserve to shapely behind,

[46:10] but instead they got poop.

[46:11] Okay, I'm gonna go with you on this.

[46:14] I thought, I kind of liked it,

[46:17] but it's more that I was like impressed.

[46:21] Like I saw the trailer for this,

[46:22] I'm like, this is gonna be shit.

[46:24] And largely.

[46:25] It was, literally.

[46:26] Largely.

[46:27] In her pants.

[46:28] Yeah.

[46:29] But mostly it was not.

[46:30] They mostly like pulled off the conceit of the movie.

[46:33] But the one thing that it was not was scary.

[46:36] Yes.

[46:36] Like every time they killed someone,

[46:38] it was the silliest thing.

[46:40] Like, you know, Mr. Put-His-Hand-In-A-Blender

[46:45] or Curling-Iron-Down-The-Throats.

[46:48] Like, there was not a lot of.

[46:49] Knife in the eye.

[46:50] Genuine scare.

[46:52] There was not a lot of genuine suspense.

[46:53] But I was engaged.

[46:55] Yeah, I felt.

[46:56] Through the movie.

[46:56] I felt engaged in it too.

[46:58] I feel like it would have been scarier

[46:59] if just their screens blipped

[47:02] and when it came back they were missing.

[47:04] They just weren't there anymore.

[47:06] Like the violent deaths, if anything,

[47:09] helped defray the tension too much.

[47:11] Yeah.

[47:12] It was like the doorman scene in Macbeth.

[47:16] I would say, I'm gonna give this movie.

[47:20] You wanna talk about Macbeth some more?

[47:20] What, they called him a doorman back then?

[47:23] Yeah.

[47:24] I would give this movie a shriekfully decent to watch.

[47:32] There were some things that worked really well.

[47:34] I liked the way the cameras were constantly

[47:39] digitizing the images.

[47:40] So you're getting a lot of after images.

[47:42] And that was generally, they're a frightening thing.

[47:44] When you see someone's face kind of distort that way,

[47:47] it's genuinely frightening.

[47:48] Yeah, I feel like that stuff is creepy, just in general.

[47:52] That's why I don't have a lot of those

[47:54] sexy video conversations with people.

[47:58] That's the only reason.

[47:59] Because you could have them if you wanted.

[48:00] Oh yeah, why not?

[48:01] I'm a super famous podcaster, dude.

[48:03] Yeah, I don't know how to go that far.

[48:05] But you're right, the imagery in it,

[48:08] a lot of it was really,

[48:10] like the way they did those digitizing bits was really good.

[48:12] Yeah, and I feel like you were mentioning ways

[48:17] that it could have been better.

[48:18] And yeah, like either just disappearing

[48:20] or tying in with something.

[48:21] I mentioned the ring earlier,

[48:23] but I thought the ring did a good job

[48:24] of showing a person who was killed by mysterious means.

[48:28] And it's totally gross and horrifying.

[48:32] Yeah.

[48:32] And they didn't have to have somebody

[48:34] stick his face on a blunder.

[48:35] It was like the jigsaw Nightmare on Elm Street

[48:38] aspect of those killings.

[48:40] Yeah.

[48:41] Where it could have been spookier grossness

[48:43] if it wasn't goofy grossness.

[48:44] Yeah.

[48:46] Goofy grossness.

[48:47] Goofy grossness.

[48:48] That's the goofy porn movie.

[48:50] Yeah.

[48:58] Hi everybody, I'm Justin McElroy.

[49:00] I'm Travis McElroy.

[49:01] I'm Griffin McElroy.

[49:02] And we host the first podcast ever made

[49:04] My Brother, My Brother and Me.

[49:05] Every Monday, we put out the first ever

[49:07] advice comedy podcast ever.

[49:09] They found our podcast on Dead Sea Scrolls.

[49:12] We're the Hammurabi Code of podcasts

[49:14] and we're ready to entertain you with jokes.

[49:16] So we invented the first jokes.

[49:18] So join us every Monday on maximumfun.org.

[49:20] You'll never crack our code, Dan Brown.

[49:22] Just try me.

[49:23] It's history in the making.

[49:24] And in the faking.

[49:25] And it's all yours for the taking.

[49:30] ♪ I wanted to say, hey I wanted ♪

[49:33] ♪ To say, hey I wanted ♪

[49:36] Stew, you wanted to say something before we got into.

[49:41] Yeah, I just wanted to say thank you.

[49:43] We, or I guess give a shout out.

[49:47] Over the past week or so,

[49:48] we've received at ye olde flop house news,

[49:53] wait, letter center.

[49:54] Our HQ.

[49:55] Yeah, HQ.

[49:56] We received some things from listeners.

[49:58] So I want to say thank you.

[50:00] Al Skuthorp, I'm probably not pronouncing that,

[50:03] all the way in shiny Australia.

[50:05] Shiny?

[50:06] Shiny old, the sun is shining down on Australia,

[50:09] and hopefully on you, Cal.

[50:12] Thank you for sending me a Blu-ray copy of Razorback.

[50:15] I can't wait to watch that.

[50:16] I think it's about a killer pig.

[50:19] And another thank you and shout out to Jonathan Bergdahl,

[50:24] who sent us, all of us floppers,

[50:27] a copy of some old Donald Duck comics,

[50:32] Carl Barks comics.

[50:33] My son is enjoying them already.

[50:35] He loves Ducks.

[50:36] As well as sending us a Screwballs movie poster

[50:40] from Oscar winner, Screwballs.

[50:43] Nice.

[50:44] And I wanna thank Eric for sending a copy

[50:48] of Joe R. Lansdale's Christmas with the Dead on DVD,

[50:53] signed by Mr. Joe R. Lansdale.

[50:56] I love that guy.

[50:58] And I also wanna say,

[51:00] there have been some gifts in the past

[51:03] that I unfortunately have forgotten to thank people for,

[51:08] and I apologize.

[51:10] No, no, they're just,

[51:11] the ghosts will come get you through a computer.

[51:12] No, I'm terrible.

[51:14] I'm a terrible producer.

[51:15] I'm a terrible person.

[51:17] Keep going.

[51:18] If you pile up those gifts on your bed

[51:20] and sleep on them like Smaug.

[51:22] If you've sent things to the podcast,

[51:25] rest assured that they're greatly appreciated,

[51:27] and I'm sorry if I've forgotten to thank you

[51:30] by name on the show.

[51:32] Don't look at me.

[51:33] It's a genuine contrition

[51:34] that keeps you from getting killed by a ghost.

[51:37] It didn't in this movie.

[51:38] She didn't seem that genuine.

[51:40] That's a good point.

[51:42] But before we move on,

[51:44] just a note,

[51:45] the Flophouse is brought to you in part by Squarespace.

[51:48] Squarespace?

[51:49] No.

[51:50] Squarespace.

[51:51] No, Squarespace.

[51:52] The all-in-one website platform.

[51:55] Now, Dan, I've been,

[51:57] listeners for a while know

[51:59] I've been trying to get a website off the ground.

[52:01] Is it empire.com?

[52:02] It's not empire.com.

[52:04] Although, maybe I'll steal that from you.

[52:07] I've been trying to get a website off the ground.

[52:09] This is a new idea I have.

[52:10] It's called duckvomit.org.

[52:13] Now, it's a charitable group, hear me out,

[52:16] that finds out when ducks vomit

[52:19] and finds out why they vomited

[52:21] to maybe help them not do it in the future.

[52:22] Is this duck drinking too much?

[52:24] Did it eat some bad food?

[52:26] Is it bulimic?

[52:27] These are all questions we have about ducks

[52:30] and duckvomit.org is a charitable organization

[52:32] that's trying to get to the bottom of it.

[52:33] Now, we need a website so we can accept donations.

[52:36] How do I set one up?

[52:37] Well, you know what?

[52:39] I'll tell you something.

[52:39] Squarespace sites look professionally designed

[52:42] regardless of your skill level with no coding required.

[52:45] Good, because my skill level is abysmal.

[52:47] I know that href equals something,

[52:50] and that's as far as I've gotten.

[52:51] Well, if you want to set up this horrible, horrible website.

[52:55] Uh, what's horrible?

[52:56] Helping ducks who have a real issue?

[52:59] You can start your free trial today

[53:02] with no credit card required at squarespace.com.

[53:06] Are you okay, Dan?

[53:08] Are you, did you vomit recently?

[53:11] And are you a duck?

[53:11] Because I have a website that will hopefully help you soon

[53:13] thanks to Squarespace.

[53:14] If you want to set up a website with Squarespace,

[53:18] you can use the offer code FLOP, that's F-L-O-P,

[53:22] to get 10% off your first purchase.

[53:25] Squarespace, build it beautiful.

[53:27] Okay, Dan, I have another idea for a website.

[53:29] All right.

[53:29] Do you think Squarespace will be able to help me?

[53:30] It's called pooppantsvid.xxx.

[53:33] Wow.

[53:34] I was inspired by this movie.

[53:35] I think there's a real market for people

[53:37] to watch people pooping in their pants.

[53:40] Now, it's a .xxx site, but it's not for sexual purposes.

[53:43] This is a medical site, or for entertainment purposes.

[53:47] Any diagnoses gained off of pooppants.xxx

[53:52] are not legally binding, and we cannot be held responsible.

[53:56] So, Dan, one, do you want to submit a video?

[54:00] Because it's all user-submitted content.

[54:02] Two, so what do I use, Squarespace?

[54:05] I go and do I have to know how to code or anything?

[54:07] No, you don't need to know how to code.

[54:09] And what's that offer code

[54:10] when you're setting up this pooppants site?

[54:12] It's FLOP, F-L-O-P.

[54:14] Okay.

[54:15] We're 10% off.

[54:18] But now, we'll move on to letters from listeners.

[54:22] Letters from listeners.

[54:24] You asked, and we provided

[54:26] the hottest letters in the business.

[54:29] These letters are all nude and already are all action.

[54:34] Action letters.

[54:35] Call in now and talk to the sexiest letters

[54:38] FLOP house listeners have sent in.

[54:40] I'm a letter, and I'm not wearing clothes today.

[54:43] No letters are wearing clothes.

[54:45] It would be weird.

[54:47] Call in now.

[54:48] These letters are not wet

[54:49] because it would be hard to read the ink.

[54:52] But these letters are dry and on paper.

[54:54] I'm dry as a bone.

[54:58] All right, well.

[54:59] Are these letters shaved?

[55:00] They have no hair.

[55:02] Thanks for answering your own question.

[55:06] Letters.

[55:08] Call our party line.

[55:10] Oh, wow, there's a party line too, okay.

[55:12] At 1-900-976-FLOP-LETTERS.COM.

[55:16] All right, so.

[55:18] You have to spell out D-O-T,

[55:19] because it's a phone.

[55:20] This first letter goes like this.

[55:23] Hello, Flop Hunks.

[55:25] I went through a hard breakup a while ago,

[55:27] and your show constantly helped me

[55:29] to laugh through a bad time.

[55:30] We're glad we could help you.

[55:31] And also acted as a guide when I started,

[55:33] I just decided to start dating again.

[55:36] A friend set me up with her cousin.

[55:39] Thanks, Stu.

[55:41] A friend set me up with her cousin.

[55:44] He's cute, an architect, likes movies and brunette girls.

[55:47] It'll be great, she said.

[55:48] Tom Selleck and three men and a baby?

[55:50] Yeah.

[55:51] He's the architect, right?

[55:52] I think so.

[55:53] We're the dad on Brady Budge.

[55:54] Okay.

[55:55] I went to dinner with this man

[55:56] who is bearded and scholarly looking.

[55:58] Ooh, a Dan type, I cooed to myself.

[56:01] During dinner, he told me that he really enjoyed

[56:04] older classic movies and musicals.

[56:06] Ooh, an A-list actor.

[56:09] Ooh, an Elliot type, I amended in my mind.

[56:11] I really like the older Disney movies too, my date said.

[56:14] Imagine my abject horror at the words that he said next.

[56:18] My favorite has to be the happiest millionaire, Yowza.

[56:22] The date went downhill, and for other reasons

[56:24] besides a terrible taste in film, I did not see him again.

[56:28] Smash cut to a few months ago when I was riding the BART

[56:32] and listening to episode 124, Stolen.

[56:35] Riding a guy named BART.

[56:36] Stolen.

[56:37] Riding the Bay Area Rapid Transit System.

[56:40] I was laughing so hard at age

[56:43] that I started to choke on my gum.

[56:45] A man from across the carriage came over

[56:47] and slapped me on the back, effectively saving my life.

[56:50] I looked up into the eyes of my rescuer.

[56:53] Ooh, a Stuart type.

[56:55] We've been happily dating ever since,

[56:56] and it's all thanks to you three, my heroes.

[56:59] All my flopping love, P.

[57:02] P.S., Stuart, can you please say dinosaur?

[57:05] Mm, yeah, that's the stuff.

[57:06] Dino-sour.

[57:09] I don't think that's what you wanted.

[57:10] I think it's pretty close to what you wanted.

[57:14] That's from Paloma, last name with L.

[57:17] Paloma, that's an inspiring tale

[57:18] of romance deferred and defound.

[57:21] Thank you, I'm glad we could play a part in it.

[57:23] That's an inspiring tale of mine and Elliot's types

[57:27] being rejected in favor of a Stuart type.

[57:29] It happens sometimes, guys.

[57:31] It's called life, and it happens a lot.

[57:33] And it's a serial.

[57:35] Guys, guys, it gets better.

[57:38] Is that the video?

[57:39] Again, Stuart, hi, it's me, Dan Savage.

[57:41] I'm not even sure what this video is targeted

[57:43] at two people who are friends of yours.

[57:45] I don't know why you couldn't just tell them this

[57:47] instead of making a video and putting it

[57:49] on our It Gets Better website.

[57:51] Shoulder shrug.

[57:52] Speaking of, Stuart, it's me, Dan Savage.

[57:54] I have a poop pants-based video.

[57:56] Is there a website I could upload it to

[57:58] maybe that is used to user-generated content?

[58:01] PoopPantsVid.xxx.

[58:02] Now, is that, now this isn't a porn movie.

[58:04] No, this is for medical and entertainment purposes.

[58:08] Okay, I'll put it up there right away.

[58:10] Thanks very much.

[58:10] Dan Savage again.

[58:11] Thanks, Stuart.

[58:14] This next letter.

[58:15] It seems to me that you were all unaware

[58:17] while blithely discussing vampires

[58:20] that you'd invoked the name of the vampire

[58:21] with the fewest known number of weaknesses, Count Chocula.

[58:26] There's a Wikipedia page that proves this,

[58:29] and she includes a link to a Wikipedia page

[58:32] that shows that Count Chocula's only known weakness

[58:35] is get soggy in milk.

[58:38] Why would you throw a vampire in milk?

[58:40] There's a good reason we don't invite

[58:42] Count Chocula into our home.

[58:44] Well, that and diabetes.

[58:45] Keep up the good work.

[58:47] Amy, last name withheld.

[58:48] Well, Amy, a pertinent warning.

[58:50] Yeah, the most powerful of vampires.

[58:53] I thought he was weak against the talons

[58:57] of the fruit brute.

[58:59] No, no, they're friends.

[59:01] Wait, do they like hang out and stuff?

[59:03] Yeah, yeah, sure, yeah, yeah.

[59:04] Some sort of monster mash?

[59:05] Yeah, Boo-Berry has a poker game every week.

[59:08] They do not invite Yummy Mummy.

[59:10] Of course not.

[59:11] He has no tells,

[59:13] because his face is wrapped in bandages.

[59:16] What's the, Frankenberry, is that the other one?

[59:19] Yeah, Frankenberry's one of the.

[59:21] Or is it Frankenberry's Monster?

[59:22] Now, this is a big dilemma that we've had a lot.

[59:26] Frankenberry is just a serial named after its creator.

[59:31] The fact that Frankenberry's Monster appears on the box

[59:33] is a totally different issue.

[59:34] That's a rights thing.

[59:35] Okay.

[59:36] Frankenberry, the doctor,

[59:38] is a kind of Thomas Pynchon type.

[59:39] He doesn't want to appear in photographs.

[59:40] And he creates cereal?

[59:42] And monsters, yes.

[59:43] Okay.

[59:45] He cobbles together cereal

[59:46] from bits and pieces of other cereals.

[59:48] Yeah, yeah, that's why when you open it up,

[59:50] there's a little bit of Lucky Charms,

[59:51] there's a Cheerio, there's a Crispix.

[59:53] It's all in there.

[59:54] Sounds like the contents of my couch cushions.

[59:56] Hahaha, delicious.

[1:00:00] So this next letter, as connoisseurs of all forms of cinema, I was wondering what your

[1:00:12] thoughts are on film titles that are questions and the corresponding answers.

[1:00:18] What else can I say, dude? Uncle Buck? Gone with the wind?

[1:00:25] For instance, question, who framed Roger Rabbit? Answer, Doc Brown.

[1:00:30] Question, what's eating Gilbert Grape? Answer, gargantuan mom, special brother,

[1:00:35] shagging Mary Steenburgen. Question, a talking cat? Answer, I know, right?

[1:00:42] What movie title questions have the most illuminating, amusing, or spoiler-tastic

[1:00:47] answers? Ben Lastname with Helms. I mean, maybe What About Bob? I don't know.

[1:00:54] What About Bob? He's just an irritating guy that everybody loves, but Richie D.

[1:01:00] That's what I call Richard Dreyfuss. You know when you need a slice of Dreyfuss,

[1:01:04] just call him. Hey, Richie D., come on by.

[1:01:06] You do raise a good question, though. Who is Harry Quone?

[1:01:09] He's John Candy.

[1:01:11] Yeah, but on a deeper level. That's too obvious.

[1:01:15] I think they're trying to pull one over on us. Existentially, who's Harry Quone?

[1:01:19] What are some other... I mean, there's lots of movies with questions in the title. I don't

[1:01:24] know. That doesn't really count. Who's Killing the Great Chefs of Europe?

[1:01:27] Yeah, you know, or... Why'd I Get Married Too?

[1:01:34] Wild Hogs? That's not a question.

[1:01:37] Wild Hogs?

[1:01:38] Do you want a man? Yes, I want a man. Why are you saying it like that?

[1:01:44] Are you Cajun? I don't understand. Why would you pronounce it that way?

[1:01:49] It's hard for me to think of any that are particularly dumb, aside from who's Harry

[1:01:53] Quone. So listeners, write in and remind us of all the great titles that are questions.

[1:01:59] And then we'll respond to those questions with answers.

[1:02:02] Oh, all right.

[1:02:03] Okay, it's a little game we can play. Much like a ghost would play.

[1:02:06] Play a game.

[1:02:09] What is it with killers in games? They always want to play them.

[1:02:12] Yep, it was like what we were talking about the other day, about how all killers are also really

[1:02:18] like crafty. I love making crafts.

[1:02:20] There needs to be a movie where the FBI serial killer profile goes undercover at a Michael's

[1:02:27] craft shop to try and catch the killer. Selling their murders on Etsy.

[1:02:33] Yeah, exactly.

[1:02:34] Uh, so last letter of the evening, it was a little something like this.

[1:02:38] Hey, we all know that Elliot is obsessed with words that sound like other words.

[1:02:43] A subset of this mania is his letter song, in which his neurotic impulse is put to tuneful

[1:02:49] gibberings. Now, I enjoy the letter song.

[1:02:52] The best part about this episode is that you didn't really do a letter song.

[1:02:55] I'm trying something different today.

[1:02:57] I enjoy the letter song.

[1:02:58] It was a letters erotic advertisement.

[1:03:00] As much as the next flopper.

[1:03:01] But I sense Elliot's rhyming well has run dry.

[1:03:05] Accordingly, and to jumpstart the letter song segment, enclosed,

[1:03:08] please find a list of words that sound like the word letters.

[1:03:12] I'm taking the liberty of striking those that Elliot has used in the past.

[1:03:15] Please ask Elliot to laminate this form.

[1:03:18] Popeye's chicken grease stains anyone?

[1:03:20] And carry it to future podcasts.

[1:03:24] Thanks and keep up the great work.

[1:03:25] Your podcast could not be any better.

[1:03:28] Wink.

[1:03:30] So here are the list of words.

[1:03:31] Because it rhymes with Eddie Vedder.

[1:03:32] Yeah.

[1:03:32] Yep.

[1:03:33] Vedder.

[1:03:34] Fredder.

[1:03:35] Go get her.

[1:03:36] Fredder?

[1:03:36] Oh, like you fret, I see.

[1:03:38] Oh, I thought it was if, like, somebody was more Freddy Krueger than Freddy Krueger.

[1:03:44] Like if the Shredder's real name was Fred.

[1:03:48] Like, no, Fredder doesn't work.

[1:03:49] Let's go with something else.

[1:03:50] Well, you're covered in knives.

[1:03:52] It's what Shredder's roommate calls him.

[1:03:55] Sure.

[1:03:56] Fredder.

[1:03:57] Come to my party next week?

[1:04:00] What, Rob Schneider?

[1:04:02] Or Fred Schneider, maybe.

[1:04:03] The Shred Man.

[1:04:08] Get her.

[1:04:08] It's my roommate, Roku Saki.

[1:04:15] Making turtle soup.

[1:04:20] Working with a robot with a brain in his belly.

[1:04:23] What?

[1:04:24] The Technodrome is a little old place where...

[1:04:32] Jet Setter.

[1:04:33] With his friend Rocksteady.

[1:04:41] I want to hear that in my dreams.

[1:04:45] In my dreams.

[1:04:48] So what other words are there?

[1:04:50] Keter, from ancient Greek, the pure, originally used by practitioners of Orphism.

[1:04:55] I'm not using that one.

[1:04:56] Let her.

[1:04:57] Met her.

[1:04:58] Irish Setter.

[1:04:59] Oh, that's good.

[1:05:00] Sweater.

[1:05:01] Wetter.

[1:05:02] Pipetter.

[1:05:03] Upset her.

[1:05:04] Hetter.

[1:05:05] Detter.

[1:05:06] Chatter.

[1:05:07] Shredder.

[1:05:07] Sledder.

[1:05:08] Eddievetter.

[1:05:11] Bellpepper.

[1:05:13] Zubinmetter.

[1:05:14] Okay, those are slave rhymes at best.

[1:05:17] Michael, last name with an O.

[1:05:19] I appreciate the help, Michael.

[1:05:20] Michael Ironsides.

[1:05:21] Wow, really?

[1:05:22] He's a huge fan.

[1:05:24] Thank you for your help, Michael.

[1:05:26] And you were great in Scanners.

[1:05:28] Yeah.

[1:05:30] And Starship Troopers.

[1:05:32] Sure, Starship Poopers.

[1:05:33] And Showgirls.

[1:05:35] He's been good in everything.

[1:05:38] Ironically, not in Ironsides.

[1:05:42] So this is the last segment.

[1:05:45] We do more letters?

[1:05:46] No.

[1:05:46] Yeah, I think I sing another song.

[1:05:48] I don't think so.

[1:05:49] Do we watch Unfriended again?

[1:05:52] This is the part of the show where we watch the movie a second time,

[1:05:54] knowing what happens.

[1:05:57] This is the part where we recommend a movie that we actually liked.

[1:06:04] You know, in contrast to the usual crap.

[1:06:07] And it being October, maybe a horror movie?

[1:06:11] Doesn't have to be, but it's a suggestion.

[1:06:15] Well, mine is not, so there you go.

[1:06:18] I'm going to go first, guys, because this one is going to ruffle some feathers.

[1:06:21] Maybe I should go last.

[1:06:24] No, just kidding.

[1:06:25] I'm going to go first.

[1:06:26] So today, guys, I'm going to recommend a little movie that I think is about

[1:06:30] some kids who go to their grandma's house,

[1:06:33] and then their grandma turns out to be a killer granny.

[1:06:36] That movie is in theaters now called The Visit.

[1:06:40] Now, I'm recommending it.

[1:06:41] I haven't actually seen this movie.

[1:06:44] Oh, wait a minute.

[1:06:45] OK, tell me the back story on this one.

[1:06:49] You seem a little vague on the plot.

[1:06:53] So this is a movie I saw a trailer for, and it had me hooked from the first frame.

[1:06:59] First off, I think it's a found footage movie.

[1:07:03] Somebody's filming this granny having kids over.

[1:07:06] I don't know.

[1:07:07] It's crazy.

[1:07:08] And these kids find out their grandparents are more than meets the eye.

[1:07:13] They're Transformers?

[1:07:14] They're transforming into demons, probably.

[1:07:18] So I think their grandparents try to kill them.

[1:07:21] I'm not sure, because as I said before, I haven't seen it yet.

[1:07:24] But you guys can watch it, and then tell me what you think.

[1:07:28] Dan?

[1:07:28] So wait, you're recommending that people go see it and, what, review it for you?

[1:07:32] Yeah, sure.

[1:07:32] Why not?

[1:07:33] OK, Dan, that was the most ludicrous review I've heard yet.

[1:07:36] See if you can top him.

[1:07:39] You just got off a plane, didn't you?

[1:07:42] So how many movies did you see?

[1:07:43] I actually only watched one movie on the plane, and I didn't like it enough to recommend it.

[1:07:48] I watched Tomorrowland, which was better than I'd heard, but not good enough to suggest.

[1:07:53] You were too distracted by the Emmy that was sitting on your lap.

[1:07:56] Yeah.

[1:07:56] Emmy Rossum from TV is shameless.

[1:07:58] I would be distracted by that.

[1:08:02] I'm going to recommend a movie that I actually haven't seen in a while, but I remember liking...

[1:08:07] It's called The Visit.

[1:08:08] Never saw it.

[1:08:10] It's a trimmed 66 minutes.

[1:08:12] It's directed by Jacques Turner and produced by Val Lewton.

[1:08:16] It's called The Leopard Man.

[1:08:18] OK, it is a good movie.

[1:08:20] There's some murders, a leopard escapes, but is it the leopard that's killing people,

[1:08:26] or is it a man that's killing people?

[1:08:29] And it has, you know, all of Jacques Turner's movies are heavy on the atmospherics,

[1:08:35] heavy on the suggestion...

[1:08:36] Well, Val Lewton's movies.

[1:08:38] Yeah.

[1:08:38] Jacques Turner went on to do a number of different types of movies.

[1:08:41] It's true.

[1:08:41] He did Out of the Past, right?

[1:08:44] Another of his.

[1:08:45] Jack Turner?

[1:08:47] No.

[1:08:48] Yeah, Jack Turner.

[1:08:48] Captain Jack Turner.

[1:08:49] When he came to Ellis Island, that's what they changed his name to.

[1:08:52] But...

[1:08:53] Turner D-Century.

[1:08:56] This is the same guy...

[1:08:56] Turner and Hoot.

[1:08:59] Same man who did I Walked With a Zombie, or same team that did I Walked With a Zombie,

[1:09:04] same team that did Cat People.

[1:09:06] This is a slightly lesser known movie, but very enjoyable.

[1:09:09] Has a cat in it.

[1:09:10] If you're looking for a classic horror movie, you could do worse than The Leopard Man.

[1:09:15] Again, a trim 66 minutes.

[1:09:19] Wow.

[1:09:20] You have an hour till your appointment?

[1:09:22] Go ahead and watch it.

[1:09:22] You're only going to be six minutes late.

[1:09:26] I am not recommending a horror movie tonight because I did not have one prepared,

[1:09:31] because I don't have to answer to you people.

[1:09:33] Come on, I'm a busy man.

[1:09:34] I got lots of things on my plate.

[1:09:36] I am going to recommend a movie that is a 70s noir type movie.

[1:09:43] It's in many ways the movie that I wished Robert Altman's The Long Goodbye was,

[1:09:47] which is strange because Robert Altman produced this movie, not direct it.

[1:09:51] And that's The Late Show with Art Carney and Lily Tomlin,

[1:09:54] where Art Carney is an aging, over-the-hill detective.

[1:10:00] It's drawn into a mystery when his partner is killed,

[1:10:02] and it's somehow related to Lily Tomlin's missing cat.

[1:10:05] And Lily Tomlin is very funny in it.

[1:10:07] It's not really a comedy per se,

[1:10:10] but there's a lot of funny things in it, and.

[1:10:13] Like clowns, or?

[1:10:15] Yeah, yeah, there's a clown character.

[1:10:17] The villain's a clown.

[1:10:18] A lot of whoopee cushions.

[1:10:19] But it operates in this.

[1:10:21] Sprung to life due to evil magic.

[1:10:23] It operates in this place kind of between drama and comedy,

[1:10:27] and the characters are really strong.

[1:10:30] And there's some great performances in it by some, what?

[1:10:33] What are you laughing at?

[1:10:34] Yeah, because Hercules is in it.

[1:10:36] Take it literally, man.

[1:10:36] I was just remembering that Stuart

[1:10:38] recommended it, but you didn't see it.

[1:10:40] There's some fun performances in it by Bill Macy.

[1:10:44] Not William H. Macy, but Bill Macy from the TV show Maud.

[1:10:47] And Eugene Roche, who's a character actor

[1:10:49] who's in lots and lots of stuff.

[1:10:50] You'll recognize him when you see him.

[1:10:51] And it's just a really, like,

[1:10:55] like a movie that, for the amount of murders

[1:10:58] it has in it, is very sweet.

[1:11:00] So that's The Late Show, with Art Carney and Lily Tomlin,

[1:11:02] directed and written by Robert Benton.

[1:11:04] Two solid recommendations and one question mark.

[1:11:06] One that was more of a recommendation

[1:11:09] to go and have an adventure and live a life on the wild side.

[1:11:12] Maybe see a movie that you haven't had recommended to you.

[1:11:15] Give it a shot.

[1:11:16] Maybe you'll like it, maybe you won't.

[1:11:17] Worst to lose is a couple hours and 20 bucks.

[1:11:19] And 20 bucks?

[1:11:21] Where are you seeing this movie, on Mars?

[1:11:23] Are you a mom?

[1:11:24] Yeah.

[1:11:26] Mars needed me.

[1:11:28] So wait, that extra money is like the fucking,

[1:11:31] like, price to go to Mars?

[1:11:32] No, no, it's the import fee.

[1:11:34] No, that's, no, they just charge more on Mars.

[1:11:37] Okay.

[1:11:38] The exchange rate's fucking terrible.

[1:11:40] Because everything has to be rocket blasted up there.

[1:11:42] They have no, they're like.

[1:11:44] And the exchange rate to Martian crowns is super bad.

[1:11:47] Is that the Martian crowns?

[1:11:48] Super bad, the movie.

[1:11:49] You have to trade in a DVD copy of it.

[1:11:52] So that's why Earth is losing all its copies of Superbad.

[1:11:55] Mars needs Superbad.

[1:11:58] So guys, that's one Shocktober down.

[1:12:01] I wanna say though, the next episode of this podcast.

[1:12:06] Has been canceled.

[1:12:07] Because this is the Shocktober

[1:12:09] that the mystics have warned us about.

[1:12:12] When they cast out the rune stones and read them,

[1:12:15] they see four Shocktober episodes this year.

[1:12:18] Oh, what?

[1:12:20] Due to.

[1:12:21] Boogins indeed, Elliot.

[1:12:22] A confluence of the number of weeks in October

[1:12:27] and a maximum fun promotion though before.

[1:12:30] The great switcheroo.

[1:12:31] Shocktober episodes.

[1:12:32] And that's what I wanted to say is the next episode

[1:12:35] of this podcast will be the McElroy brothers

[1:12:39] as part of our switch with the Adventure Zone.

[1:12:42] Wait, Grifdog, Justinian.

[1:12:45] Uh-huh.

[1:12:46] And Trave, Trave, Trav, Trav.

[1:12:50] They're gonna be watching a movie

[1:12:51] and then talking about it flop style.

[1:12:54] That's the rumor.

[1:12:56] So.

[1:12:57] That's the rumor Willis, Bruce Willis' daughter.

[1:13:02] The McElroy brothers of, as I said,

[1:13:04] the aforementioned Adventure Zone

[1:13:06] and my brother and me will be doing an episode of the show.

[1:13:10] I can't wait to hear it.

[1:13:11] They are hysterical.

[1:13:12] It's gonna be a good episode.

[1:13:13] Not as good as us.

[1:13:14] Part of it is that I love the idea of other people

[1:13:16] who have to do what we have to do.

[1:13:20] There's been a lot of tweets that suggest

[1:13:23] that one movie has already broken them.

[1:13:27] These men who ate Totino's Pizza Rolls

[1:13:30] for an entire hour one time.

[1:13:34] They're supermen.

[1:13:35] That'll be happening, but it also bears.

[1:13:38] That's coming up, yeah.

[1:13:39] Bears mentioning that at the same time

[1:13:41] we will be over on their podcast,

[1:13:43] the Adventure Zone, playing Dungeons and Dragons.

[1:13:46] Check it out.

[1:13:46] Stuart was the DM.

[1:13:48] Dan was the DM and didn't know what he was doing.

[1:13:50] And what was Elliot?

[1:13:51] I was like a dragon man.

[1:13:53] Oh, you were a dragon man, huh?

[1:13:54] Which is also DM.

[1:13:55] Okay.

[1:13:57] And Dan McCoy, DM.

[1:13:59] We were all DMs for the day.

[1:14:00] We were all DMs.

[1:14:01] And we were all BMs.

[1:14:02] And we were joined by.

[1:14:03] Because aren't we all the poop in the universe's pants?

[1:14:06] We're all.

[1:14:07] Just like in the movie, Unfriendable.

[1:14:10] I've been Elliot Kalin for the Poop House.

[1:14:13] I kinda don't wanna say anything.

[1:14:15] Yeah, I don't know whether there's anything

[1:14:17] I'm gonna add to that.

[1:14:18] Yeah, it's kinda like, I don't know.

[1:14:20] So, he's been Elliot Poop Pants Kalin.

[1:14:23] That's the nickname.

[1:14:25] I've been Stuart Poopy Face Wellington.

[1:14:28] Gross.

[1:14:29] And I've been Dan, I'm not gonna play this game, McCoy.

[1:14:32] Poop Pants McCoy.

[1:14:34] The poopiest of them all.

[1:14:36] Good fright, everybody.

[1:14:38] Good fright, everybody.

[1:14:42] Spooky.

[1:14:43] Barf.

[1:14:51] Podcast sandwich.

[1:14:54] Podcast sandwich.

[1:14:57] The secret ingredient is podcast.

[1:15:01] And beets.

[1:15:02] The secret ingredient is nerds.

[1:15:05] The candy?

[1:15:05] That's gross.

[1:15:08] I mean, I think if you paired it with the right meat,

[1:15:11] like meat, like a pimento loaf.

[1:15:14] Yeah.

[1:15:15] This is all gold.

[1:15:16] I hope this is all going into the bumper reel,

[1:15:18] or the bump-its reel.

[1:15:19] The bump-its reel.

[1:15:21] You put it in your hair to make your hair super tall.

[1:15:25] Because that's what people like to look like nowadays,

[1:15:29] is people with giant, giant heads.

[1:15:31] You know, the kids these days.

[1:15:33] Like, I want to give off the impression

[1:15:35] that I have some kind of a stretched

[1:15:36] or an elongated skull.

[1:15:40] Maximumfun.org.

[1:15:42] Comedy and culture.

[1:15:43] Artist owned.

[1:15:44] Listener supported.

[1:15:47] Ty is a pedantic person.

[1:15:50] I think when he pronounces these words,

[1:15:52] it's in a very show-offy way.

[1:15:55] Gyro.

[1:15:56] Gyro.

[1:15:57] Sacre bleu.

[1:15:58] Sacre bleu.

[1:15:59] Bear's rock.

[1:16:00] Oolaroo.

[1:16:03] What you are witnessing is real.

[1:16:06] The participants are not actors.

[1:16:08] They are actual litigants with real cases.

[1:16:11] They call in via Skype to Judge John Hodgman's court,

[1:16:15] the real people's court.

[1:16:17] Now I call you to Judge John Hodgman's internet court.

[1:16:20] Find it at maximumfun.org,

[1:16:23] or wherever you download podcasts.

Ep. #188 - Unfriended

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