The Great Switcheroo! Adventure Zone Flop House Takeover

[0:00] The people that brought you The Ultimate Warrior beating Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania 6 present

[0:07] WWE Studios' Leprechaun Origins.

[0:12] It's Shocktober, and I'm not Dan McCoy.

[0:15] Yeah, that was good.

[0:30] Let's all try to be respectful.

[0:42] This is a guest space.

[0:43] We're guests here.

[0:44] Okay.

[0:45] I took my shoes off in the Japanese style before I really made myself comfortable,

[0:50] but I am going to get deep in those butt divots in the couch.

[0:53] I'm going to really explore the space.

[0:55] I used the guest towels.

[0:56] Why are you guys doing jokes?

[0:58] This isn't even the show.

[1:00] Okay.

[1:01] I haven't started the show yet.

[1:02] Hey, everybody.

[1:03] Welcome to the Flophouse.

[1:04] My name is Justin McElroy.

[1:05] I'm Travis McElroy.

[1:06] I'm Griffin McElroy.

[1:08] And I'm Clint McElroy.

[1:11] We're not usually here.

[1:13] Sometimes we are.

[1:14] I mean, we're always here.

[1:15] We're always a grim specter hanging out in the background.

[1:18] Imagine if for several many years, like 18 years, you've been watching the Flophouse

[1:26] from a single camera.

[1:28] The camera finally, after all these years, pans to the right, and there's a reveal that

[1:34] we have been sitting on a slightly larger couch this entire time, recording our own

[1:39] podcast called The Slophouse, which was the original name of The Adventure Zone,

[1:43] which is the podcast that we have switched with this week.

[1:46] Yeah.

[1:47] So if you would rather just hear Dan and Stuart and Elliot, I do not blame you.

[1:52] They were playing D&D.

[1:53] Just switch the channel on your podcast tuner over to The Adventure Zone, which is our D&D

[1:59] podcast, and you can listen to them play D&D, which I honestly wish I was listening to right

[2:03] now.

[2:04] So there's no hard feelings.

[2:06] We are going to do our best.

[2:08] Let's be clear here.

[2:10] I think you guys might like this episode.

[2:12] It's just hard for me to focus on the episode when I'm worried about what those three are

[2:16] doing to my intellectual property over there.

[2:19] Oh, yeah.

[2:20] Good point.

[2:21] It could be killing all of your characters off.

[2:23] And then where would we be?

[2:24] You could kill Magnus.

[2:26] I guess that's true.

[2:28] What movie do we watch?

[2:29] Is their show canon, Griffin?

[2:31] Have you established it?

[2:32] I told them to go nuts, go wild, do what they want to do, explore the space.

[2:37] Hey, let's talk about this movie that we watched.

[2:40] Okay.

[2:41] So we watched Leprechaun Origins from WWE Studios.

[2:47] I read somewhere that it's been 13 years since the last Leprechaun movie, that this was a

[2:52] reimagining.

[2:53] It hasn't been that long.

[2:56] Leprechaun Back to the Hood was 2004, right?

[2:59] Yeah.

[3:00] So it's been a crisp 11 years, and it should have stayed dead.

[3:08] We shouldn't have come back.

[3:10] Or at least if it was not going to stay dead, it should have brought the one that was Leprechaun

[3:16] back to life.

[3:17] Warwick Davis.

[3:18] Warwick Davis.

[3:19] Yeah.

[3:20] I was desperately disappointed that it was not anything like the other Leprechaun movies.

[3:25] Well, that's the dude, the president of WWE Studios, did all these interviews back in

[3:31] 2014 because he was like, guys, good news.

[3:34] We got Hornswoggle, and he's finally going to get the respect that he deserves.

[3:38] And on the silver screen, we got Hornswoggle.

[3:41] Guys, we got Hornswoggle.

[3:43] We booked him, folks.

[3:44] We did it.

[3:45] We did it.

[3:46] We booked Hornswoggle.

[3:47] But this, hey, this isn't your dad's Leprechaun.

[3:49] You remember how the old Leprechauns were a fun murder romp?

[3:53] Yeah.

[3:54] There was a lot of humor.

[3:55] There's a lot of humor.

[3:56] It was.

[3:57] It was a weird, like, you know, very B movie, horror movie.

[4:01] Oh, I think you're being generous with the B.

[4:03] Yeah, it was a J movie.

[4:06] Warwick Davis kills somebody with a pogo stick.

[4:08] He jumps on a chest with a pogo stick and kills a man.

[4:11] Leprechaun Takes Japan was a J movie.

[4:13] That's true.

[4:15] And directed there.

[4:16] And then there was the K drama series, Leprechaun Grocer.

[4:20] And that was just about a grocery store.

[4:22] And the two clerks loved each other very much.

[4:24] But also, Warwick Davis was there.

[4:26] And he sometimes killed people in fun ways.

[4:28] Well, we've got a lot of plot by which I mean very, very little to get through.

[4:32] I'm trying to pad it because we could record this.

[4:35] This could be a 15-minute record.

[4:36] Because we could say, here's the plot of Leprechaun Origins.

[4:39] People walk around slowly, and then somebody gets horrifically murdered.

[4:42] And laugh at weird things.

[4:44] They laugh at every revelation.

[4:46] And then we could just cut and paste that six times over.

[4:49] Because that's all this movie is, is fuck your people walking slow.

[4:52] I know Travis took notes.

[4:53] Yes.

[4:54] I would like to hear dad's synopsis.

[4:56] And, Travis, you fill in as needed.

[5:00] Okay.

[5:01] Because I think it's going to be pretty general.

[5:04] Okay.

[5:05] Is that okay with you, Travis?

[5:07] Yes.

[5:08] But if he starts to diverge too much, I'm going to jump in and take over.

[5:11] So we don't have a three-hour long episode.

[5:13] Okay.

[5:14] Dad, give me the plot overview of the film Leprechaun Origins starring Hornswoggle.

[5:21] It starts in Ireland.

[5:23] Surprise, surprise.

[5:25] And the first thing we see is an attractive young couple.

[5:29] And they're running through weeds for some insane reason.

[5:33] Nobody in horror movies can run through weeds without falling down.

[5:38] Or they could be running through a white room.

[5:41] They could be running through a sound stage that is completely featureless.

[5:45] And then they would find some sort of ridge on the atomic level to trip over.

[5:50] And my favorite moment in that, as they're running through the tall grass, is at one point, for no reason, the female says,

[5:57] Stop!

[5:58] And they stop running.

[6:00] The female?

[6:01] What are you, a Ferengi?

[6:03] The female of the species.

[6:05] The female of the species.

[6:07] She wears clothes?

[6:08] Why?

[6:09] Why?

[6:10] Why do you allow this, Earthman?

[6:12] So then they go running through.

[6:14] You've been disrespected.

[6:16] The most overgrown cemetery in history.

[6:19] It doesn't have weeds.

[6:21] It has trees.

[6:22] What are they going to do?

[6:23] You can't get a fucking lawn guy in there.

[6:26] He'll be devoured by the Hornswoggle.

[6:29] And then they steal from Jurassic Park.

[6:32] They steal from the raptors in the weeds.

[6:35] I mean, shot for shot.

[6:37] One of maybe 60 movies that Leprechaun Origins just straight up lifts from, unapologetically.

[6:44] And let me say here, just a spoiler alert.

[6:47] This 30 second opening tells as much story as the rest of the movie put together.

[6:54] And it has nothing to do with the rest of the movie.

[6:58] It also starts a theme that we see continue throughout Leprechaun Origins,

[7:03] which is a very, very, very overused horror setup that you expect just statistically will be subverted in some way.

[7:17] And then it is not.

[7:19] It is exactly the biggest ripoff plot-wise.

[7:24] I made the point to Rachel.

[7:26] It is basically like four high school students saw the first two thirds of Cabin in the Woods and then tried to recreate it using props.

[7:36] There's literally a line in this movie where someone goes, it's a cabin in the woods.

[7:40] Yeah.

[7:41] And they might as well just like turn towards the camera and stared at it for like five minutes.

[7:46] And here's Bradley Shitford.

[7:48] He's the knockoff Bradley Whitford.

[7:50] And we got him in this one.

[7:51] So the two hot kids get dragged into the woods and chomped or whatever.

[7:57] That was when the shine came right off the old Leprechaun Apple for me.

[8:01] Because you saw a bloody hand with fingers that had been bitten off.

[8:05] It's not really the old Lepre.

[8:07] They were bitten off because he was wearing a gold ring.

[8:10] And these fools love gold.

[8:12] As we later learn, poorly.

[8:15] Sure.

[8:16] So then we encounter our four main characters.

[8:20] Now, you never do learn the names of two of them.

[8:23] Sophie, Ben, Jenny and David.

[8:25] One is Sophie.

[8:26] And I got that 45 minutes in.

[8:29] And there's a strong correlation between the Scooby gang just without Scooby.

[8:34] If the Scooby gang fucking despised each other.

[8:37] If the Scooby gang had no semblance of care for the well-being of each other.

[8:44] Not even amongst the couples.

[8:47] Oh, my God.

[8:48] They're the worst dysfunctional couples in history.

[8:50] Yeah.

[8:51] Sophie is the correlation with Velma.

[8:54] She's like a sexy Velma.

[8:55] So, a Velma.

[8:57] Yeah, just a Velma.

[8:58] You're being redundant.

[8:59] Oh, that's true.

[9:01] And then Jenny is the Daphne.

[9:04] She's the rebellious Daphne.

[9:06] Right.

[9:07] And then you have Ben, who is the non-roided out Fred.

[9:10] Ben is nobody.

[9:11] Ben is nothing.

[9:12] Ben is a shade of a man.

[9:14] I think his T-levels are real low.

[9:16] Yeah, he seems to fade.

[9:18] If you don't look at him directly, he becomes translucent.

[9:21] He's a non-present.

[9:23] And then you have Dave, who is shaggy.

[9:26] Dave, who is the greatest man alive.

[9:29] David, the unkillable.

[9:31] I love Dave.

[9:33] And you know he's cool because he chews gum and he doesn't like sleeves.

[9:37] Yeah, I love Dave.

[9:39] Dave has my favorite moment in the whole movie, and it comes in the first five seconds.

[9:42] Oh, yeah.

[9:43] What is it?

[9:44] They're riding in the chicken truck, and at one point Dave just goes, chicken.

[9:49] And it made me laugh so hard.

[9:52] And it was like three seconds of the movie, and it was easily my favorite moment.

[9:57] Well, they ride in, and all of a sudden...

[10:00] The guy who's driving the truck, they're on this walkabout, a day trip in Ireland.

[10:06] Which this sales pitch for this fucking walkabout is the craziest thing I've ever heard.

[10:11] These are four like 20-somethings in Ireland on a trip and this strange Irishman,

[10:18] oh, Sophie is really into getting her, what, her masters in history or something like that?

[10:24] Sort of into it.

[10:25] Yeah.

[10:26] Of course she can read Celtic languages, of course.

[10:28] Of course, and it's established when she says, I don't think I'm actually going to go get my masters for history.

[10:33] And Ginny says, you've wanted to get your masters in history since you were two.

[10:37] What a fucking crazy aspiration.

[10:41] So they hate each other.

[10:42] Yeah, they hate each other.

[10:43] Also, they hate everything they're doing.

[10:45] Everything they do is like, oh, we found a tavern.

[10:51] But they were psyched to go on a seven-hour hike to see some cool rocks.

[10:58] These aren't human beings.

[11:01] Nobody gets psyched for a seven-hour walk to see some dope-ass old Irish rocks.

[11:06] The one girl doesn't even have a backpack.

[11:10] They don't have any food.

[11:12] They don't have any clothes.

[11:13] She's got a messenger bag.

[11:15] Yeah.

[11:16] Uncle Fester pulls the truck over and they jump out of it.

[11:19] He won't go any farther.

[11:21] No alarm bells there.

[11:22] This is where we meet Sad Son, my favorite character in the movie.

[11:25] Sad Son, the constantly crying Irish boy.

[11:28] Before they even get there, when they get dumped right there in the field,

[11:32] they look over and see this spooky Duck Dynasty-looking guy.

[11:37] Yeah.

[11:38] And there's this zoop, and you never see him again.

[11:42] He's just a weird old Santa with a skinny...

[11:45] He looked like Santa when he stopped eating, when he got really depressed,

[11:48] and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, just holding a shotgun and staring at them.

[11:52] I want you guys to know, to Dad's point, I also wrote down,

[11:56] oh, shit, Duck Dynasty.

[11:58] Okay.

[11:59] I think you guys may have missed out on something.

[12:01] That was not a real man.

[12:02] That was a scare hornswoggle, and you put those out in your fields.

[12:05] You put those out in your fields of, oh, is it probably barley?

[12:08] A scare swoggle.

[12:09] You put that out in the fields, and your scare swoggle is going to keep the hornswoggles away

[12:12] because otherwise some 20-somethings are going to get absolutely annihilated.

[12:15] We have made it three minutes into this film, and it sucks.

[12:18] So they head into town, and this is where we get the first inkling

[12:24] of the directorial majesty that is Zak Lipovsky.

[12:28] They walk up to this pub, whatever it is, and all four of them do the exact same move.

[12:35] They take two steps forward, they turn back and face the camera, and take two steps back.

[12:41] It's all four of them do the exact same thing.

[12:44] It's like choreography or synchronized swimming.

[12:47] They look down.

[12:48] They find their marks on the floor.

[12:50] Oh, my gosh.

[12:51] It was horrible.

[12:53] So then they go into this tavern, which is full of the creepiest damn people that have ever lived.

[13:02] And let me stress here, it is literally in the middle of nowhere,

[13:06] and there's 50, 60 patrons in this bar at what seems to be 2 o'clock in the afternoon.

[13:12] Yeah, and it's, like, banging.

[13:14] They didn't spend money on anything.

[13:16] They got 60 extras for this one scene.

[13:19] This tavern is popping off.

[13:21] Only two of which we ever see again.

[13:25] Correct.

[13:26] But they're in this pub for, like, 20 seconds, and they're already at each other's throats.

[13:32] Yeah, they hate each other's guts.

[13:34] Ben, the non-roided-out, see-through Fred.

[13:38] Just the fucking worst dude.

[13:40] Just the worst dude.

[13:41] Within 20 seconds, he and Sophie are fighting.

[13:47] The two couples are pissed at each other.

[13:49] And within 30 seconds, a complete stranger talks them into heading out into the wilderness with him.

[13:56] Okay, let me break this scene down super quick.

[13:59] An old, old Irishman hears their conversation, turns around and is like,

[14:03] Oh, you like old shit, huh?

[14:05] I know one thing that's really old.

[14:08] And she was like, it's not the guy book.

[14:10] He's like, it's the oldest thing.

[14:11] It's the cradle of the Celtic civilization.

[14:14] And he's like, she's like, well, it's not my guy book.

[14:17] He's like, well, you won't find this in any of your books.

[14:19] That's insane.

[14:22] Do you realize how insane that sounds, that this is, like, the oldest thing in Ireland?

[14:27] And, like, oh, it's not in any books.

[14:29] It's not in any books because you have to walk seven fucking hours to see it.

[14:33] That's the cherry.

[14:34] That's the cherry.

[14:35] He said, well, it's a seven-hour hike.

[14:36] Do you know, like, if I heard the first, they hear seven-hour hike and don't immediately, like, upturn their table and walk out.

[14:44] Because, okay, logically, he then says, if you spend the night, set off in the morning, you could be back by tomorrow evening.

[14:51] That's seven hours there, seven hours back.

[14:54] You've got about ten seconds to enjoy the cradle of Celtic civilization before you have to head back because it's going to be midnight by the time you get home.

[15:04] We have to go forward.

[15:05] They travel to this cabin.

[15:08] So they jump in the back and they're drinking beer.

[15:10] Creeping Irish son.

[15:12] Yeah, crying son.

[15:13] And he's all unhappy.

[15:16] And the dad has a gold Rolex, which, gosh, no way that's going to figure into the quote-unquote plot.

[15:23] Can we talk about the way that gold is expressed in this movie?

[15:29] Because traditionally, leprechauns, watches, earrings, tongue rings, not their game.

[15:36] Usually it's just sort of coins.

[15:39] Yeah, just like mainly gold.

[15:41] Oh, follow the rainbow to my pot of watches.

[15:43] What?

[15:44] Look at me tongue stud collection.

[15:47] The most probably the most insane thing about the watch is that let me just let me just flash forward in case you haven't already pieced this together.

[15:56] He's luring them into the woods to let the leprechaun kill them.

[15:59] The crazy thing about that is he uses the watch as like an indicator.

[16:03] It's like a sock on the door.

[16:05] It's like I thought it was a chum.

[16:07] He was chumming the water.

[16:08] He was chumming the water.

[16:09] But here's the crazy part.

[16:10] Before he chums the water by putting a gold watch outside the sacrifice house for these teens, he wears it on his fucking wrist in like he drives into the heart of leprechaun country wearing this.

[16:24] OK, solely so it could be established as a as something that like is in the plot.

[16:29] Right. You can see it again.

[16:30] But like he's wearing it.

[16:32] But that's the place he knows the leprechaun.

[16:34] That is sentimentality.

[16:36] They are sacrificing 20 somethings to the leprechaun because they took gold from the leprechaun.

[16:41] And instead of just giving it back, which was enough to placate Warwick Davis, they decide that, no, I love my watch too much.

[16:49] I'm gonna let these 20 somethings get absolutely murdered.

[16:51] Of course, every time you do this transaction, apparently you lose a piece of gold using it as chum.

[16:56] So he was wearing the watch is like a last memory, like a watch.

[16:59] You've served me well over the years.

[17:00] That's the big extra piece of gold.

[17:03] So they go up to this cabin and and they go past the nice cabin and they go to the crummy cabin, which looked exactly the same as the nice cabin.

[17:14] Except the crummy cabin has locks on the outside of the door.

[17:19] And these four dumb asses do not.

[17:22] Not on that.

[17:24] And you can't you get my favorite Christ that moment.

[17:27] You got to prevent break ins.

[17:29] Oh, from who? From me.

[17:31] No, you have to prevent break outs because that's not how locks work.

[17:36] They go on the inside of doors.

[17:39] So they go into this this cabin, which apparently to us only has the one door.

[17:45] And immediately being young, vibrant.

[17:48] Well, three of them people, they immediately go to bed.

[17:54] We're we're wait.

[17:56] Don't skip over my second favorite.

[17:58] Oh, dude line.

[18:00] Yeah.

[18:01] Whatever Shaggy's line was.

[18:02] We got a queen size.

[18:06] That is the button for a very long establishing scene.

[18:10] Like walking around.

[18:11] There's a creepy fucking cabin.

[18:13] No, no Wi-Fi, no electricity.

[18:15] Don't even worry about it.

[18:16] We got a queen.

[18:19] Vibrato.

[18:20] But they have these lanterns that click on immediately.

[18:23] Yeah.

[18:24] He's also no food.

[18:25] They're planning a 14 hour roundtrip hike.

[18:28] The next and the leprechaun averse.

[18:30] The only thing that needs to eat food for nutrients and subsistence is the hornswoggle.

[18:35] They literally walk out of the bar and get into a truck and go on a 14 hour hike.

[18:41] The wildest thing about the stupid cabin sequence.

[18:45] Well, first off, I should mention, for some reason, they have a six pack of Guinness in like a wooden milk.

[18:50] Yeah.

[18:51] Like it's like a wooden or a shoe shine.

[18:53] Grand happy's beer crate.

[18:55] Yeah.

[18:56] The the.

[18:58] So we they're in the in the cabin and night falls.

[19:01] And Jennifer, is that the one that's not Jenny?

[19:05] Jenny sees a shape moving outside.

[19:08] Oh, wait, you skipped over the whole part.

[19:10] Both women want to try to get down to dudes.

[19:13] Yeah.

[19:14] Oh, yeah.

[19:15] Yeah.

[19:16] One dude falls asleep and the other dude's like, he's just not interested.

[19:18] Might as well turn to her and turn said, I hate you.

[19:21] Oh, yeah.

[19:22] I hate you.

[19:23] I hate your history loving guts.

[19:25] Ben is a Ben is a cuckold.

[19:27] I'm over talking about him.

[19:29] And then Jen and Dave, who haven't been able to keep their freaking hands off each other for the first 20 minutes of the movie.

[19:36] He's he's out.

[19:37] Yeah.

[19:38] But in Dave's defense, he did just drink a six pack of Guinness without eating a fucking thing.

[19:43] He might be dead in that.

[19:45] Yeah.

[19:46] Yeah.

[19:47] So anyway, night falls.

[19:48] Jenny sees a shape moving outside and she gets spooked.

[19:51] Right.

[19:52] She yells for Dave.

[19:53] Dave says.

[19:54] And I wrote this line down verbatim because it was so awesome.

[19:56] He says, that's why they call it the.

[20:00] It's babe, lions and tigers and chickens and shit.

[20:03] What? Okay, that's not why they call it the woods.

[20:08] There's tigers in them. They're Irish woods.

[20:10] There's Yeah, and chickens. And that's why they call it the

[20:14] woods. Yeah, call this thing. Well, it's got tigers and lions

[20:18] and shit in it. How about the woods?

[20:20] So this is this is our first leprechaun interaction. He makes

[20:23] his way into the house. Oh, they realize that the doors are locked

[20:25] from the outside. Now they get it. Thanks. Oh, yeah. And he has

[20:29] the line. They're gonna sacrifice us to the

[20:33] No, that's that doesn't come until later. They don't

[20:35] understand. They just see they just see a pasty white horn

[20:40] swaggle, jump into the room, a wild horse, a wild horn swaggle

[20:43] attacks. Here's the thing. They're reestablishing this when

[20:46] when the when the leprechaun runs past the window. That's as

[20:51] big a reveal as we're gonna get practically the whole very long

[20:56] time. They never let's can we tell it? Can we talk about horn

[20:59] swaggle? I don't know how familiar you guys are with the

[21:01] WWE Studios brand. But like the way that this whole fucking

[21:05] thing works. First of all, WWE Studios is like if people from

[21:08] WWE Studios watched like the recent sci fi originals and

[21:12] said, like, what's it? What if we did that but not fun? Like

[21:14] what if we did that but we took all sort of like, acknowledgement

[21:18] of how bad this movie is going to be and any sort of fun in

[21:21] the writing out of it. It's not more fun. I thought for sure

[21:24] that would be a brand associated with fun. It's perplexing, right?

[21:27] But what's more perplexing is typically how it works, except

[21:30] for there was the call with Halle Berry and Abigail Breslin.

[21:33] Neither of which are WWE superstars. Unless Abigail

[21:37] Breslin is I is I don't know, is Sin Cara swaggle. We don't know

[21:42] what's going on underneath Sin Cara's mouth might be Abigail

[21:44] Breslin in there. But typically how it works is like you get you

[21:47] get see no evil starring Kane, you get a WWE superstar and they

[21:50] are the pillar of the cast of the movie. You get the you get

[21:53] the marine the marine in the marine right for the Yeah, and

[21:57] in the recent ones, it's the Miz in the marine. This time you

[21:59] get Hornswoggle who's a WWE superstar. I'm a fairly recent

[22:03] WWE convert. So I've missed most of most of the Hornswoggle

[22:05] dynasty. But one pretty crazy, like his top 10 moments. He's

[22:11] awesome. Yeah, he, the he leaps out from under the stage and

[22:16] tackles a wrestler. I can't I can't remember which one the

[22:19] tadpole splash is a signature move. That's true. It's awesome.

[22:22] He's fucking awesome. But then the announcers are every word

[22:27] out of their mouth is what is that thing? It's attacking him.

[22:30] What is that thing? As if they'd never seen a little person. It's

[22:33] a little person, right? Exactly. Sir, it's a little person. It's

[22:36] not an it. He also had some of the best he had some of the best

[22:38] WWE plotlines forever. He for a long time, he was sort of the

[22:42] manager of a like super big Irish man and he was like a

[22:45] leprechaun and that's sort of how like the WWE works

[22:47] sometimes. But then there's a plotline where he was Vince

[22:50] McMahon's illegitimate son. Oh, yeah. And then there was a

[22:53] plotline where he was the shadow ruler of the WWE. And nobody

[22:59] knew his true identity. His name is Hornswoggle. And he's

[23:01] awesome. And in this movie, he plays a he plays he's fucking

[23:06] Voldemort. He's Voldemort with a gory face. If he had acid thrown

[23:11] on him and then he dipped in wax. If he's an acid burn

[23:14] Voldemort, it could have been fucking anybody playing the

[23:17] leprechaun. You got you got Hornswoggle. We're just be it

[23:22] could have been Andy Serkis and Hulk Hogan.

[23:27] So if you've ever played a video game, and gone into a cave

[23:31] level, and you and every video game that has a cave level has

[23:35] this, you'll hear like skittering around like, oh gosh,

[23:38] what is that the first thing that jumps out at you and you

[23:42] hit it with your sword once and it dies. That's what the

[23:44] leprechaun is in this movie. Like, you expect like in order

[23:47] for them to be this to be a palpable threat, you would need

[23:50] like 1000s of them. As they in the first the first encounter

[23:54] with the leprechaun, they throw a bed on him. And that's a solid

[23:59] five minutes.

[24:02] Not a bed.

[24:04] Weakness. And yet later it can bash in doors, jump to a wall.

[24:08] Yeah, well, beds are their weakness. leprechauns are afraid

[24:10] of sleep. Well, and so they all come out. And at one point,

[24:13] well, now hold on, we get to see our first bit of violence

[24:16] towards one of our four main people. And that is the

[24:20] leprechaun being a real dick and pulling her her earring out of

[24:26] her earlobe right out or Jenny. Yeah, she gets a rough she gets

[24:30] a rough ride the to the to horny people, her and shaggy. Yeah,

[24:36] they get take all kinds of abuse. Hornswoggle reaches in

[24:39] plucks her earring out of her ear, and everybody starts

[24:42] screaming. It's every move. Every quote unquote scare this

[24:46] movie has is the exact same thing. It's somebody doing

[24:48] something. It's it's a mark current film critic in the UK I

[24:53] listen to you. He calls it quiet, quiet, quiet, bang. That's

[24:56] the only scares that this movie has is quiet, quiet, quiet,

[24:59] except in the leprechaun origins, they did like a really

[25:02] clever twist on it. And that is quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet,

[25:05] quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet. This movie is

[25:08] people walking around corners at negative two miles an hour.

[25:12] It's a fucking it's the pacing in this movie is a disaster. And

[25:16] then there's like a paper in this episode is a disaster.

[25:19] Let's see if we can move along. Okay, fine. The leprechaun

[25:21] starts chasing around a bed on him and this camera they throw

[25:25] Yeah, and then they just and then of course, smart, smart,

[25:29] smart. Sophie realizes that the secret passage that the monster

[25:34] used to come through the fireplace is a jar. So they

[25:37] start heading out. Oh, yeah, it's wide open. They run out.

[25:43] Oh, David, David gets his leg. And now please let me have this

[25:48] one. Yeah, the leprechaun rips David's leg open to the bone and

[25:55] beyond basically rips the first third of his leg off. He's got

[26:01] a he's got a leg now. And, and yet, for the next 20 minutes,

[26:06] he's running on it. Yeah, he's still he wobbles a little bit.

[26:11] Yeah, this doesn't go into shock. This is where we start to

[26:13] realize the true nature of this group of quote unquote friends.

[26:17] First of all, his leg wound is basically a honey ham jammed up

[26:20] in some jeans. So they had some they had some fun with those

[26:24] those practical effects. And then they all start running and

[26:27] nobody's helping David. David is David's David's up and about

[26:30] which is impressive because he's he's like permanently just

[26:35] maimed. But he's doing okay. Not as good as the rest of the

[26:38] group who just book it and nobody helped nobody. There's a

[26:42] moment where he goes down. And it's illustrated like you watch

[26:45] Ben and Jen both go. Well, fuck Dave. Keep running. Ben, Ben

[26:52] looks at him takes off. And then at least Sophie goes back to

[26:58] help him. Yeah, yeah, you definitely see the moment where

[27:00] she's like, well, well, he's kind of a shit. I do. So from

[27:04] that point on, you know that she's the last girl, you know,

[27:07] she's a Ripley. She's just a Ripley, right? They then they

[27:10] get into the farmhouse. They I love how they get in the

[27:13] farmhouse. The big saving grace is they run against the door so

[27:17] many times the spare key falls out of the jail. Yeah. And then

[27:21] they proceed to do the worst search for a phone I've ever

[27:25] seen. They slip on the lights and they say we need to like

[27:28] let's look for a phone. Then they just mill in a circle for a

[27:33] second. It is the most insane like, you know how in movies you

[27:37] have the horror movies with like this you have like the one

[27:41] person who sort of knows what's going on that has to explain the

[27:44] plot. Leprechaun origins didn't have time, nor the budget for

[27:48] that sort of thing. So here's what here's the literal sequence

[27:51] of events. Remember from here's what they know, right? They've

[27:56] been attacked by a weird monster. Clearly hornswoggle. I

[28:00] could identify him by sight. Yeah. They've been attacked by

[28:04] a weird monster. They have escaped to a second house. That

[28:06] is all they know. From that point they go to look for a

[28:11] phone somewhere in this house and in the search for the phone

[28:15] they find I'm not I swear to God I'm not making this up. They

[28:19] find a book that has a picture of the rock they saw earlier

[28:24] and the symbols on the rock translate to leprechaun and

[28:28] from that there's also there's a map that shows the stones

[28:32] that they drove by earlier and not the history buff, but Jenny

[28:36] says that looks like some sort of ancient warding barrier.

[28:40] Whoa Jenny from downtown and the book is open to the right

[28:45] page to the page. Well, here's what we didn't know. Sophie is

[28:48] a history major, but Jen is deep into the dark arts. Yeah

[28:52] exactly and from that she just graduated from Hogwarts from

[28:55] those two pieces of information. They extrapolate

[28:59] they're being hunted by a leprechaun that they were

[29:02] supposed to be sacrificed to and if they can get outside of

[29:06] the stone barrier, then they'll be safe. That is an insane

[29:10] journey to take mentally. That is a crazy crazy path for them

[29:16] to walk. I have an explanation though. Okay. Everybody in this

[29:20] cast everybody in this cast all the way down has been on the

[29:26] show Supernatural. Oh, so they have every one of them and this

[29:30] is not a joke. Every single one of them have played a

[29:33] character on Supernatural. Oh really? So obviously this is

[29:36] this and either that or the casting director is the same

[29:39] casting director that worked for Supernatural. I know I know

[29:42] four four pretty looking people and it goes like all the way to

[29:46] Impaled Ian and Hamish. Yeah, sure and every one of them

[29:51] have been on Supernatural. So maybe that's explains it

[29:53] throughout throughout this sequence where they're

[29:55] learning about the leprechaun's origins. You get a little bit

[29:56] more backstory on dad and crying son. Crying son doesn't.

[30:00] want to kill twenty-somethings anymore?

[30:02] Not four of them.

[30:04] Not four of them. He has a real issue

[30:06] with the number four. If it was one or two, he'd probably be okay with it.

[30:11] And I call him crying son because he literally cries in every season.

[30:15] He's sad for the whole movie. He's sad a lot. Sad Donald Logue is really sad.

[30:20] He really does look like Donald Logue.

[30:22] Here's the, in one of the wilder

[30:25] sort of crazy plot points,

[30:27] uh...

[30:30] The guys who sacrifice the teens

[30:33] come back

[30:34] with another guy

[30:36] uh... in the middle of the night after they

[30:38] kind of guess

[30:40] that he's probably done murdering them. He looks at his watch and goes,

[30:44] that should be enough time. That should be enough time. No, he doesn't have his watch anymore

[30:48] because he used it as a... No, I mean Ian. Ian checks his watch. That should be enough time.

[30:53] That's my favorite line in the movie, by the way, is uh... How long have we been out here?

[30:56] I seem to have misplaced my watch. That's pretty good. It's the closest they get to an actual...

[31:00] Anyway, they show back up.

[31:03] Like, cutting it, my friends, quite close to when you think, here's the thing, they're back there to

[31:08] clean up the abandoned cabin that they can lock from the outside. And we know

[31:12] because they walk up to the cabin with mops

[31:15] and cleaning supplies. Hey, dogs,

[31:18] that lock, that shit locks from the outside.

[31:20] It could probably wait.

[31:22] Your fucking merry-maids bullshit could probably wait until the morning, my dudes,

[31:29] when the definite leprechaun will not be there.

[31:31] Their logic is so completely flawed

[31:34] because the panic when they reach the cabin and find not them dead is

[31:38] it hasn't eaten.

[31:40] But then we see, over the next hour,

[31:43] the leprechaun, the hornswoggle,

[31:45] consume four people and still want to kill.

[31:49] Yeah, and P.S. the first person he kills is the guy that they brought with him named Ian.

[31:54] He's the first person he kills

[31:56] and he leaves him untouched,

[31:59] just murdered and not eaten,

[32:01] apparently because he likes to fuck with people's heads.

[32:04] Yeah, the hornswoggle's a genuine bastard.

[32:07] But we've been informed that it's gold

[32:10] that drives him.

[32:11] Yeah, or maybe eating people. It's not established. Or maybe just sort of

[32:16] tearing the flesh.

[32:18] So the Americans escape.

[32:19] Wait, I want to point out something.

[32:21] When they're in the basement and they find the book and they find the map,

[32:25] this is where they blew all of their props budget.

[32:30] There's glasses.

[32:31] There's passports.

[32:33] There are cell phones. And they never even look at the cell phones.

[32:38] Well, here's a pile of 60 phones. No, not those.

[32:43] Are you kidding me? Data roaming in Ireland?

[32:46] No way.

[32:47] And some of the worst editing ever.

[32:49] And this is the first indication we get.

[32:51] This movie was not sponsored

[32:53] by the Irish Shotgun Company.

[32:55] Or anybody. Here's 60 amazing T-Mobile cell phones.

[33:00] Okay, let's move forward. We need to start getting some deaths.

[33:03] Okay.

[33:04] I want to hit on one last thing. It's very short.

[33:08] In this moment, so crying Donald Logue comes downstairs hunting for them in the

[33:12] basement.

[33:13] And he points his flashlight

[33:14] and then moves it

[33:16] six inches to the left and is surprised to see them.

[33:19] Like he's looking over here and he's just like,

[33:21] oh, there you are.

[33:23] And then two of them are holding shotguns on them.

[33:25] And there's a standoff because, well,

[33:27] the other four have a pipe.

[33:30] Oh, a pick. Absolutely.

[33:32] Father, you've touched on another key point.

[33:34] No one in this movie, specifically these four teens,

[33:37] have zero respect or fear of guns.

[33:42] No, they're useless.

[33:43] There's two moments where the first one is

[33:47] she stands off with a guy pointing a shotgun directly at her with an axe.

[33:53] Like, well, it's a Mexican standoff, I guess.

[33:55] It is not. No, it is not.

[33:56] That man has a shotgun.

[33:58] Your work here is done.

[34:00] The next like five minutes later, they get caught by, they get caught.

[34:04] Let's just skip ahead of this.

[34:05] Yeah, please.

[34:06] They get caught back up by the the guys who are going to sacrifice them.

[34:10] And at this moment, they have two shotguns pointed at them.

[34:15] And David hands the dipshit boyfriend covertly hands him a pipe

[34:22] as though now the worm has turned like a plumbing pipe, not a puff, puff.

[34:26] Yeah, like a pipe.

[34:27] Like, here you go.

[34:29] If I would have been the the boring guy, I would have handed that right back to my friend.

[34:33] I would have handed it.

[34:34] I would have handed it to the shotgun people.

[34:36] Here you go.

[34:37] My boy was trying to get me to hit you, but I respect your power.

[34:41] Yeah, well, we've had our first death.

[34:43] Ian has been impaled on.

[34:44] Yeah, Ian got caught.

[34:46] They get all tied up to some trees.

[34:47] And they're tied up to four trees with bling all over them.

[34:51] Right.

[34:51] When they come to.

[34:52] They've had gold bling put all over them.

[34:55] And so the leprechaun comes up.

[34:57] The same creature that chased them all through a cabin walks up to them,

[35:02] tied to trees and can't close the deal.

[35:05] Just can't just sort of stand it out.

[35:07] And hates Jenny so much.

[35:10] Really?

[35:11] I can't stress this enough.

[35:12] The hornswog.

[35:13] There are people wearing huge gold necklaces and there's like gold all over these people.

[35:17] And he's like, no, what I want is that tongue stuff.

[35:21] Well, you know, we have never seen before.

[35:24] No.

[35:25] I think I think that was less his his his taste for gold and more when he reached into her mouth

[35:32] and then split her tongue in twine by pulling out the tongue stuff.

[35:35] I think that was him like in his in his hornswoggle head.

[35:38] He was saying like, oh, sweetie, oh, sweetie, it's not 2007 anymore.

[35:43] We don't nobody's doing this.

[35:46] Let me just get this out of here for you.

[35:48] So he bifurcates her tongue and then doesn't eat her.

[35:52] No, doesn't kill her, but moves over to Shaggy.

[35:55] And the thing that amazed me about this scene is all four of them are screaming insanely.

[36:04] Yeah, that seems to be holding him off.

[36:07] Yeah. Like he's not.

[36:08] Would you keep it down?

[36:10] It's worth explaining super quick, because I think it's been established at this point.

[36:13] What happened is the people in this village mined a cave that they found for gold and by which they mean they stole the leprechauns gold.

[36:22] So their deal was rather than just returning the gold, because they apparently are not going to do that.

[36:29] They have agreed to like put sacrificial teens into a house to feed him.

[36:34] That's a crazy plot.

[36:36] But the crazier thing is exactly how was this treaty reached?

[36:41] I would like to see that fucking.

[36:43] My client, the Hornswoggle.

[36:45] Yeah, right.

[36:46] That with that meeting of the mines looked like.

[36:49] He lays open Shaggy.

[36:51] Oh, Shaggy.

[36:52] Good Lord.

[36:52] His gut open, which fortunately for Shaggy also severs his bonds to the to the tree at this at this point.

[37:00] Shaggy has half a functioning leg.

[37:03] He has been disemboweled and he just gets right up, boy.

[37:06] He just stands right up.

[37:07] I tell you, he's the greatest living human.

[37:10] He's unkillable because he uses he uses his newfound lack of fear of death to run over and find a machete and somewhere and free the other three and free the other one.

[37:21] And freedom.

[37:22] And then as an American hero, he dies on Irish soil fighting for our freedom.

[37:26] Biden's I guess I guess the Hornswoggle just like what is the Hornswoggle do?

[37:31] His death is one of the non-explicit deaths in the movie.

[37:34] Yeah, he could he could have been tickled to death.

[37:36] Trust me, this movie cannot afford to lose them.

[37:38] They don't have like cool deaths to spare.

[37:41] So so they get out the other three take off running.

[37:45] Jen's going because, you know, her tongue.

[37:47] Yeah. And Sophie, out of nowhere, turns into Buffy.

[37:52] Yeah. Vampire Slayer, a completely incompetent, but we're not going to run away.

[37:59] We're going to kill it.

[38:01] She's fucking insane.

[38:02] Yeah. And so they the two of them, they run and Jenny's so freaked out.

[38:07] They tell her to hide under the cabin.

[38:09] Yeah. She doesn't want to be the only one outside.

[38:11] Yeah. She'll be the only one outside.

[38:13] This is seriously don't watch this fucking movie for reasons that we'll cover in our in our final scores.

[38:20] But do watch the the five minutes that begins with her saying we're going to kill it.

[38:27] And the five minutes that follows that are the only good five minutes in the day.

[38:31] Really? You have this insane plot line where Jenny is so scared to be in the house.

[38:35] They're going to kill the leprechaun. She's going to sit outside like, well, it's because she loves she loves the leprechaun.

[38:40] At that point, by that by that point, she she was not a big fan of David.

[38:44] Oh, my God. Jenny and Hornswoggle, this whole thing.

[38:47] They were in cahoots to get David killed because they wanted to run away with it, too.

[38:52] If it wasn't for it, it wasn't for Sophie and Ben.

[38:55] Who? Holy shit.

[38:57] You said, OK, so the plan is they're going to lure the Hornswoggle back into the fireplace.

[39:03] Right. And then Jenny's going to come up and lock it behind them.

[39:07] But she apparently can't wait 30 more seconds for some kind of signal or something.

[39:14] So with the Hornswoggle, it's also never clear in this movie whether the Hornswoggle is just like a mad monster or like a criminal genius.

[39:23] But in this moment, it all becomes clear because they were positioned with their ax in their pipe, I guess, just on the inside of the cabin, on the other side of the secret entrance from the fireplace.

[39:35] And then Sophie, our brand new branded hero, the one that's now Buffy, they're waiting and waiting.

[39:43] And so sure enough, a head pops out from under the fireplace and they bury an ax in it.

[39:49] And it's Jenny.

[39:52] And I realized it before it happened.

[39:55] It's not shown exactly how the Hornswoggle manages this.

[40:00] Exactly how the Hornswoggle is so perfect. It's almost like she was on like rollers like she's been working underneath a car

[40:07] You do have an amazing shot after they do this of her with the axe buried in her head

[40:12] And it's sort of in the background as the two

[40:15] Surviving leads are still like parsing this situation you see Jenny with the axe just like

[40:21] smoothly scoot back into the fire

[40:24] Like Hornswoggle's like yeah, you're working. It's an excellent job. They bought it come with me darling

[40:30] but

[40:31] Sophie who was a soup was a complete wimp was in a superhero for about two minutes. Yeah, then she's like

[40:37] I'm sorry. I've been an idiot shattered again. She's shattered again. Okay. I do have I do have to set so they

[40:45] Escape and they get to a car okay that I don't think it has keys

[40:50] Because it could things start to get patchy this way they get to a car

[40:54] the first

[40:56] Thing out of Sophie's mouth after she and her dipshit boyfriend Barry and axe in their dear friend's head

[41:03] The like literally 30 seconds of movie time later the first thing out of Sophie's mouth is

[41:10] Why did you leave me when we were running away from the leprechaun earlier?

[41:14] Yeah, then she decides to yeah work on the not my issue. Hey, we just snuffed out a human existence

[41:20] That's not like why do I feel so alive? Yeah?

[41:23] That's not of a conversational table they really bounce back quickly

[41:27] Yeah, they get in they get in this truck and they have this little confrontation where at least been the only

[41:34] character we see out of bin is

[41:37] Shut up. What I came back and then she makes when they can't find the keys

[41:42] She makes this gigantic leap of logic that the keys have to be on impaled Ian

[41:49] 30 30 feet away in a shed a character that they didn't know was impaled. They didn't know his

[41:57] Relationship to the truck. They did not know this is Ian's truck. He'll have the keys and she just says it

[42:03] He's having Jenkins over there. He's a teacher at the local school. Yeah

[42:08] So they come up with this

[42:10] plan

[42:12] Question mark where they were just gonna get out of the car at the same time and just run and just like I guess flip

[42:16] The coin to see who the leprechaun is gonna eviscerate

[42:19] spoiler alert, it's been

[42:22] They had a huge flaw in their plan

[42:24] Which has been was supposed to distract the leprechaun except the leprechaun can't see bin because he barely exists

[42:30] Yeah, he's a really bad distraction the leprechaun who can bash in the metal roof of the of the truck

[42:36] But can't break the windshield. Oh my god. There's so many

[42:41] There are like six or seven shots

[42:43] There are six or seven sequences where the hornswoggle is trying to punch in the windshield

[42:48] It's a very very specific activity for the hornswoggle to continue to attempt to do and mysteriously just fail

[42:54] Every single time hornswoggles are allergic to beds and windshields. We have missed by the way

[43:01] crying son Oh and

[43:03] mean dad

[43:06] Had a run-in of sorts where he helped him escape by pulling a gun on his dad and then

[43:12] His dad sort of like oh, no this comes later. No, that's later. Yeah

[43:16] I thought I'd go ahead and break it down that we've dipped in don't we have the in the attic scene here?

[43:21] Well, we can't skip bin. Yeah. Oh, yeah. No, we should we should fucking skip bin

[43:27] We don't skip how bin get let me let me run through it real quick

[43:30] So Sophie does the shitty job of finding the keys

[43:32] They do not return to the truck because they're surprised to see the hornswoggles there

[43:37] So they run for the cabin they get in the cabin

[43:39] They run through the farmhouse at one point the hornswoggle just runs in looks at them and they're like, oh, yeah

[43:44] And they get inside and so like they go running and they fail to realize how doors work

[43:50] So they lock one door leaving one wide open

[43:53] Hornswoggle grabs bin and he looks at Sophie and goes run or go or whatever

[43:58] Hornswoggle drags been back into another room rips his spine out there by fulfilling the prophecy that he was

[44:08] You could see the director and the writer being very smug

[44:12] biggest ash spine

[44:16] Yeah, he pointed out to me that

[44:18] if you have like a

[44:21] Spine like that you you're using to like display if you have like a model one that it has this metal thing on the end

[44:28] Where you used to hang it up and she in the one scene when they showed bin spine pulled out

[44:34] She pointed there and she said you see that metal thing at the end of his spine. I was like, yeah

[44:39] She said yeah, that's the hook they used to put those on display. They probably

[44:43] Well, that might answer my question maybe the hook was gold because why did he pull bin spine I did he do it

[44:52] Yeah

[44:54] By go

[44:55] Yeah, me. Okay. So we should touch on the Hornswoggle's number one supernatural ability. He has praetor vision, right?

[45:02] He's got praetor vision, but as far as I can tell it's everything is a gold

[45:05] So he's saying gold but he also sees all human outlines as gold is it and handprints and handprints and handprints is gold

[45:12] Are we made is everyone in Ireland just injected with gold?

[45:16] Do they have gold in their blood like as soon as you step on Irish soil you are part gold and that's how you react

[45:21] We're at 48 minutes fit. Okay. Well, that's easy because then they go into the attic and nothing happens for 10 fucking minutes

[45:28] it happens, but once again, we see the ineptitude of the shotgun because

[45:33] Crying boy fires off about eight shot. Yeah in a 10 by 10 room. He can't hit the leprechaun

[45:40] He's using the auto shotgun power weapon from Goldeneye double-oh-seven with the infinite ammo cheat on

[45:46] Somehow misses the leprechaun nothing happens in the attic then goes falling down this day

[45:51] He dad finds them and then crying son turns his his gun on his dad and does the most acting

[45:56] I

[45:57] Imagine the other actors in the movie were really pissed off at redhead Donald Logue at this point in the film because he acted a hundred

[46:03] Times harder than anybody else in the movie and I used up all the acting

[46:07] I bet the only person in the movie who is acting and they talked to him after the after the shoot and like hey, man

[46:12] We're all just trying to like get by we're all just trying to like do a job

[46:16] Hey, did you know that this is a WWE Studios production and like I have a douche commercial later on this afternoon

[46:21] I really need to like fucking say, okay

[46:23] So so hornswoggle looks right at him and then turns and goes and kills dad

[46:28] Yeah, because he hates his dad while he's eating Hamish. He's the hornswoggle was also outside

[46:35] Attacking the truck. Yeah, that's I'm okay. It happens within two seconds of each other in movie time

[46:40] So she gets to the truck right with the keys starts the truck what the leprechauns on the back of the truck?

[46:46] No way still have a job without a windshield though still

[46:50] Having some real windshield trouble. She's driving. She buckles her seatbelt. It's a PSA for seatbelt

[46:56] Yeah, seems to slam on the brakes or hit a ditch or something hornswoggle goes flying

[47:01] Well, that would have cost too much special effects

[47:03] Travis she hits the invisible barrier that she keeps tripping over over and over and over and over and over and over

[47:09] So she starts running. She runs so hard. It becomes daytime

[47:15] She rotates the earth to the point of being and

[47:19] She gets to the cemetery from the opening what connection she finds the bag full of gold

[47:24] She trips to drop she trips over a bag of gold that I honestly guys if

[47:31] You know the plot I like remember the plot that I told you that is the reason why they're doing all this shit

[47:36] The idea that someone would have a bag of gold doubloons is like not even

[47:41] Part of the thing in the thing like it makes no sense

[47:46] Yeah in the context of the plot like it wasn't like a key to the mystery this whole time

[47:51] They're crazy gold coins in this person's bag for no reason because it was a mining town like they just

[47:57] Mined the gold out of the thing. There's no they were they were returning those to a museum

[48:03] Yeah, these belong and thank God nobody looked where all the grave markers were

[48:08] Yeah, so anyway, so she trips over it all of a sudden there's hornswoggle up in her face

[48:13] she throws the gold doubloons up in the air grabs a conveniently placed machete and

[48:20] Kills hornswoggle wait you can't now wait after this whole movie was written around this single line

[48:27] They came up with this line, and they're like fuck. Yeah, we don't need to write anything else guys

[48:30] This one's gonna. This is this is it this is the line. We're gonna hang the rest of the movie on Griffin

[48:36] I don't mean to take away from you

[48:37] But that line is actually stolen from the earlier leprechaun from the first leprechaun movie and the line is fuck you

[48:45] Lucky charms if it was delivered like that, maybe fuck you lucky charm

[48:49] No, it was fuck you lucky charms like it was that it was the worst luck fuck you

[48:56] Lucky charm like it was the worst

[48:58] It was the world and aside from mattresses and windshields

[49:02] Apparently the hornswoggles only weakness is a machete to the neck like all I could think is has nobody just tried killing it

[49:09] Anybody tried to kill him in all these years these guys have a foolproof plan for luring this

[49:16] Piece of shit into a house. They have a plan for that. They have shotguns. They have shotguns

[49:22] They have a plan for luring in the house. They can lock it from the outside

[49:26] There's no other exit there is it is insane to me that they have not burned this fucker to the ground

[49:32] I just killed what seems to be hundreds of 20 something. Yeah, so many 20 something so anyway

[49:38] She runs she runs past the barrier stones

[49:39] Then it pans out and then you see a bunch of shapes moving in the wheat as if to say

[49:43] There's a whole family of hornswoggle a murder a murder of hornswoggles and here I don't think you see the shapes

[49:49] I was looking you hear the noise and it's definitely implied here. I didn't see any shapes moving

[49:54] I saw a few trails in the grass. Yeah, we've been recapping this movie for

[50:00] 50 minutes, okay?

[50:01] The movie itself takes approximately 28 minutes longer.

[50:06] Well, we did a bad job then.

[50:07] But no, here's the thing.

[50:09] It's a 78-minute movie.

[50:11] I thought it was 90.

[50:12] No, no, my friend, you think it's 90

[50:14] because they made this credits?

[50:15] It's a 78-minute movie,

[50:17] and then there's 13 minutes of credits.

[50:20] 13 minutes of credits,

[50:23] because between every card of credits,

[50:26] there's like a five-second shot of just like the set.

[50:30] The props table in the basement.

[50:33] You remember how we were saying it's so slow

[50:34] and it's all boring?

[50:36] They were just trying to get to 78 minutes

[50:38] because they were like,

[50:39] listen, I can stretch the credits out for 13 minutes max.

[50:42] I timed it.

[50:43] And there are 13 minutes,

[50:45] and they will throw up three cast members or crew members,

[50:48] and then this loving, lingering, moving shot

[50:51] over weapons or something that was in that basement.

[50:54] A tree, a toilet.

[50:55] Yeah, okay.

[50:56] And I want to stress

[50:57] that the whole time I was watching this movie,

[50:59] it felt like the prologue to another movie.

[51:02] And I guess it is,

[51:03] because it's Origins. Yeah, it's the Origins.

[51:05] But this felt like what should have been

[51:07] that one-minute-long scene at the beginning of the movie

[51:10] before the interesting characters

[51:12] with dynamic personalities showed up.

[51:14] Also, the Origins thing is insane

[51:16] because unless the next movie is like,

[51:18] and then he became fucking super cool and rad

[51:21] and dressed in sweet shit and said dope things.

[51:23] His great-great-grandson who immigrated to America

[51:26] and was super cool.

[51:27] And it's the most generic,

[51:29] like to take this franchise,

[51:30] which is like one of the best like comedy horror movies,

[51:35] fucking Leprechaun 4 in space is the craziest movie.

[51:40] In the beginning of that movie,

[51:41] somebody kills the leprechaun,

[51:42] but he becomes a ghost,

[51:43] and then somebody pees on his corpse,

[51:45] and he travels up the pee stream

[51:46] and infects somebody's dick.

[51:49] I've never watched a Leprechaun movie,

[51:51] and instantly as soon as I was done,

[51:53] I went and watched the trailers for,

[51:55] because that's sort of like

[51:56] they'd been on at parties or whatever,

[51:57] but I never sat down and watched one.

[51:58] And I had more fun watching one trailer

[52:01] for one actual Leprechaun movie

[52:03] than I did in this entire time.

[52:05] Okay, so let's rate the movie.

[52:07] The categories are totally scarifying,

[52:10] totally snorifying, or frighteningly funny.

[52:13] It's snorifying.

[52:14] We have the spookily good bad.

[52:16] Spookily good bad, okay.

[52:18] That's one of the most common ones.

[52:19] Totally scarifying, totally scarifying.

[52:22] I'm gonna get, okay, I'm gonna give this movie,

[52:26] is One Wormy Boner good or bad?

[52:28] I think it's bad.

[52:29] It's the worst, right?

[52:31] It's totally snorifying.

[52:33] Okay, it's a terrible movie.

[52:34] It's fucking terrible.

[52:35] It's not, it is a joyless,

[52:38] like anything that can be good in a horror movie,

[52:41] because there are lots of ways

[52:42] that a horror movie can be good,

[52:44] that just isn't, literally none of that is present.

[52:47] The only thing quality about it

[52:48] is the opening aerial sequence where they go,

[52:51] it looks like one of those PBS specials

[52:54] where they fly over Ireland.

[52:55] Yeah, that's gorgeous.

[52:56] We actually do need to give ratings now.

[52:57] So my rating is, I'm gonna give,

[52:59] I guess it's totally snorifying, I guess.

[53:01] I think One Wormy Boner is good bad.

[53:03] Okay, so I'm gonna say totally snorifying.

[53:05] It's literally, it's, I don't watch a lot of bad movies

[53:09] because I'm like careful, I guess,

[53:10] and I read reviews before.

[53:11] So I don't know if a lot of bad movies like this,

[53:14] it is nothing.

[53:15] There's not, there's that one five minute sequence

[53:18] that I mentioned that's worth watching.

[53:20] The rest of it is just.

[53:20] It's really, it's really bad.

[53:22] There are no reveals, there are no twists.

[53:25] Dad, what's your rating?

[53:26] Totally scarifying, totally snorifying,

[53:28] or One Wormy Boner?

[53:29] If it's not totally snorifying.

[53:31] Let me add one last thing.

[53:32] Okay.

[53:33] The people who wrote this movie,

[53:34] the people involved with this movie

[53:35] should be burned at the stake.

[53:36] Oh my God.

[53:37] And then have their ashes pissed on.

[53:39] Okay, wow, but then they can travel up the piss

[53:41] to infect the dick.

[53:42] Oh yeah, that's right.

[53:44] It's totally snorifying, it's nothing.

[53:45] It's bad, it's so, it's nothing.

[53:48] It's not even bad.

[53:49] Except for the five minutes of whoopsie daisy murder.

[53:51] That's fun.

[53:52] That's pretty okay.

[53:53] That's pretty fun, but the rest of it is.

[53:54] You can tell what the intention was

[53:55] like almost the entire time,

[53:56] and the intention was let's rip off,

[53:57] like there's the look under the door

[53:59] and see something moving thing from signs.

[54:01] Like the intention is so obvious,

[54:04] but they fucking drop the ball.

[54:06] Like in order for a movie to be truly bad and enjoyable,

[54:09] I feel like it has to be completely inscrutable

[54:10] what they were going for,

[54:11] but it's just sort of like.

[54:12] Well, it also needs to be sincere

[54:14] and nothing about this movie felt sincere.

[54:16] That 70 minute running time

[54:17] tells you everything you need to know.

[54:18] Let's just get to the end, guys.

[54:20] Let's just get something.

[54:20] Time for letters.

[54:21] Time for letters.

[54:23] Going to letters.

[54:25] What's a, what, he sings a song every time, right?

[54:27] Yeah, just make up a song.

[54:28] Let's make letters.

[54:30] Oh, we got letters.

[54:31] We get your letters every day.

[54:33] Mail bag, mail bag here today.

[54:36] Reach right in and pull one out.

[54:38] It's letters today.

[54:39] What was that note?

[54:40] That's an old jingle.

[54:41] Sing to me.

[54:42] I need you to sing to me an answer

[54:43] for what that squish sound was in the middle.

[54:45] That was, I was trying to rip open an envelope.

[54:48] Sing it to me.

[54:49] Reach right in and pull one out.

[54:52] Okay.

[54:53] Justin, read a letter.

[54:54] Smooth as butter.

[54:55] So Dan said.

[54:56] Meow, meow.

[54:57] What was that?

[54:58] Sorry, that's the Flawless House Cat.

[55:01] I would have been disappointed

[55:02] if we went the whole episode and he didn't stop by.

[55:05] We told him that we were recording and.

[55:06] It's more accurate to.

[55:09] I can get, I can get my cat

[55:10] and just sort of squeeze him into the microphone

[55:12] and see what sounds come out.

[55:13] No, that's unnecessary.

[55:14] Letters.

[55:15] All right, let's rip them.

[55:16] And these are specifically,

[55:17] all of these are addressed to the actual host of this show.

[55:20] So this should be interesting.

[55:21] To my three dear Floppatrons,

[55:24] on your last episode where much of the discussion

[55:25] was bafflingly focused on civet, civet, civet, coffee,

[55:30] and during what appeared to be

[55:31] one of your typically pointless diversions,

[55:32] so the truths of the universe were revealed.

[55:34] I've always wondered why George Clooney,

[55:36] when searching for the motivation

[55:37] for his well-groomed man enjoying hot beverage

[55:39] in the Nespresso advertisement,

[55:41] chose the expression acting classes

[55:43] classify as turbo smirk, turbo smirk bordering on douchebag.

[55:48] What is so inherently amusing about hot

[55:49] but not boiling water being forced through roasted beans

[55:52] to create an intense flavor experience?

[55:53] It's also clear to me now.

[55:54] On the cutting room floor must be scene after scene

[55:56] of Clooney expectorating coffee

[55:58] from a small squirrel's anus

[56:00] by vigorously jumping on his tail up and down.

[56:02] So the look Clooney deploys is clearly,

[56:04] I've just been forcing an espresso out of a squirrel's ass

[56:07] and it's fucking hilarious.

[56:08] Thank you so much for solving a mystery

[56:10] as old as time itself.

[56:11] Lisa, last name withheld from Bristol, United Kingdom.

[56:15] What?

[56:16] What does any of that mean?

[56:17] I don't know what any of that means.

[56:18] I mean, typically our MO is to answer questions.

[56:20] So there was no question there.

[56:21] That was just sort of a celebration.

[56:22] Yeah.

[56:23] And you knew we were gonna be here

[56:24] and you still wrote that inscrutable email.

[56:26] I just feel like you're not taking advantage

[56:27] of the personalities that you have here in front of you.

[56:30] Just because you wanted to take advantage

[56:31] of saying squirrel's anus.

[56:33] Yeah, let's drop this one.

[56:34] This one's gonna be a club banger.

[56:36] Dropped it like it's hot.

[56:37] Oh, thanks dad.

[56:38] I have a question.

[56:39] A few months ago, I was at the opening night

[56:41] of Fast and the Furious 7.

[56:42] I've seen every F and F movie in the theaters by the way,

[56:44] because I'm winning at life.

[56:45] The typical opening night audience

[56:47] consists of mostly teenage boys

[56:48] laughing and clapping and shouting at the screen,

[56:50] as I believe the movies were intended to be seen.

[56:52] As you know, before the seventh movie

[56:53] is finished filming, Paul Walker died.

[56:55] At the end of the movie, spoiler alert,

[56:56] his character is still alive,

[56:57] but they've basically retired him

[56:59] and Vin Diesel narrates a very heartfelt

[57:01] and gravelly voice send off to the character,

[57:02] by extension the actor.

[57:03] It's actually quite touching.

[57:05] When the credits rolled, I noticed that every boy there

[57:07] who had been hooting and hollering throughout the movie

[57:09] was getting up and leaving very quickly

[57:11] and manfully wiping their eyes.

[57:12] I've never seen so many teenagers

[57:14] simultaneously trying to hide their tears

[57:15] and it was awesome.

[57:16] My question is, have any of you experienced

[57:18] a similarly memorable audience moment at a movie?

[57:21] It can be funny, sad, disgusting, or all three.

[57:23] And did your audience affect your enjoyment of the movie?

[57:25] Keep on flopping.

[57:26] Mary, last name withheld.

[57:28] I definitely.

[57:29] I have one.

[57:29] It's one of my favorite movie theater stories to tell.

[57:32] We went to see the Johnny Depp remake of Willy Wonka

[57:36] and it is not a good movie,

[57:38] so we were not very interested.

[57:40] But when Johnny Depp offers the candy factory

[57:46] to Charlie Bucket, a little kid about five rows

[57:49] in front of us jumped to his feet,

[57:51] pointed at the screen, and yelled, I knew it!

[57:54] It was one of my favorite moments I've ever seen.

[57:58] Specifically Fast and the Furious 7.

[57:59] I cried a lot.

[58:01] I cried, I don't have any tears left in me

[58:03] still to this day because of how much I cried

[58:05] at the end of that movie.

[58:06] And I was weirdly excited in that moment

[58:08] where Vin Diesel was giving that monologue

[58:10] and everybody's saying goodbye to CGI Paul Walker

[58:13] and I was just crying so hard.

[58:14] Because I had this thought,

[58:15] I was there seeing it with friends

[58:16] and I had this thought of like, oh boy,

[58:17] when the lights come up, me and my friends

[58:19] are all gonna look at each other crying

[58:20] in this vulnerable place and we're gonna be

[58:22] so much closer as friends and the lights came up,

[58:24] dry, perfectly dry, stone-faced, heartless monsters.

[58:30] I cried, I think they channeled all their tears into me

[58:33] because I, so fiercely did I cry.

[58:35] You were the conduit.

[58:35] You carried that cross on.

[58:37] Not in a movie theater, but I was dating a girl

[58:42] and I watched a film with her family.

[58:44] It was a beloved 80's sitcom classic.

[58:48] And at the end of the film, the credits began to roll

[58:51] and I noticed that her mother had tears in her eyes

[58:54] and she said completely stone-faced to me,

[58:57] I just feel like everybody should have an Uncle Buck.

[59:01] Fucking the best.

[59:07] Oh my God, that's very good.

[59:09] I got one on Justin, it's not that funny.

[59:11] We went and saw, we went and saw Iron Giant.

[59:16] Oh my God.

[59:17] We went and saw Iron Giant

[59:18] and it got to the end of the movie

[59:21] and he just, Superman, and Justin and I are,

[59:28] I mean really, the waterworks are flowing,

[59:31] the lights come up and Justin's, your mom turns to us

[59:35] and went, it didn't affect her at all.

[59:37] It's a cartoon robot.

[59:39] How do you not feel that?

[59:40] Okay, we need to start wrapping up.

[59:42] Do you guys have any movie recommendations?

[59:44] Because the only movie I've watched

[59:45] in the last month was Speed.

[59:47] And I'll go ahead and recommend it

[59:48] because that movie fucking rules.

[59:50] We're doing a Keanu film series

[59:52] with my friends here in Austin.

[59:53] We did Point Break and then Speed.

[59:55] And I think Speed is the superior film out of the two,

[59:57] which may be heresy to say.

[59:59] But it's good.

[1:00:00] It's got Sandra Bullock. They have to drive a bus real fast.

[1:00:02] I watched an excellent documentary called An Honest Liar about James Randi.

[1:00:07] It has a really insane arc.

[1:00:10] Like there's an actual – it starts out more of like a career retrospective.

[1:00:14] And then in the last third, it has like not just an arc but like an arc that both sort of challenges and highlights the themes of truth and the importance of truth-telling that James Randi has been highlighting for the entire film.

[1:00:29] If you don't know who he is, he's a magician who's also a professional sort of debunker, almost like Houdini.

[1:00:35] But then something happens at the end of the movie that is like you could not write it.

[1:00:39] I actually had some ethical concerns with that movie because there's explicitly a scene where he says you cannot include this in the documentary.

[1:00:44] You cannot include this in the documentary, and they included it in the documentary.

[1:00:48] Now, they do say in the credits that he gave permission to use all the footage.

[1:00:51] What about you, Trav?

[1:00:53] I have come to the realization recently that there may be people in the world who have not watched Blazing Saddles, which is my favorite movie in the world, and I just watched it like on Tuesday.

[1:01:01] So if you haven't watched Blazing Saddles, it is, as far as I'm concerned, the greatest comedy movie ever made.

[1:01:07] So you should go watch it.

[1:01:08] Well, I got one.

[1:01:09] We were flying back from L.A., and Justin watched The Taking of Pelham 123, the original version with Robert Shaw and Walter Matthau.

[1:01:17] And it blew him away.

[1:01:20] I watched it sitting next to him.

[1:01:22] He had the little screen in the seat in front of him.

[1:01:25] I couldn't hear the dialogue.

[1:01:27] And I watched it and remembered how fantastic a movie it is.

[1:01:31] The ironic thing about that is I watched that because Elliot Kaelin said that it was the one movie.

[1:01:37] If he could only watch one movie, that's the movie that he would watch.

[1:01:40] So that's why I watched it, that movie.

[1:01:42] So it's a full circle of life.

[1:01:44] Let's get out of here.

[1:01:46] Let's do some quick promos.

[1:01:49] I'm going to be doing the next one in my screening series at the 92 White Rebecca.

[1:01:55] I'm showing Two for the Bronx.

[1:01:57] It's a Frank Capra classic.

[1:01:59] I'm going to be joined by Al Madrigal for that.

[1:02:02] And I hope you all can come out.

[1:02:04] Me and Tim League are kicking off a new film series here at the Alamo Drafthouse, The Ritz, of course, on 6.

[1:02:11] We're going to be streaming and screaming.

[1:02:14] It's a new series we're calling Streaming and Screaming.

[1:02:16] And we're going to be showing some old 88 millimeter reels of just silent movies, but we dubbed sound into them.

[1:02:27] So you're really going to enjoy this.

[1:02:28] And I just won an Emmy for my writing on the day.

[1:02:31] Okay, good.

[1:02:32] And I have a cheese sandwich with horseradish that's screaming my name.

[1:02:38] Oh, my God.

[1:02:39] Everybody, if you enjoyed this, which you probably didn't because we're different from the other people,

[1:02:43] and you miss the other people, you should go listen to the Adventure Zone, our Dungeons and Dragons podcast that we're usually on that they are currently hosting.

[1:02:50] Also, go check out the Adventure Zone.

[1:02:52] If you did enjoy this, we have another podcast called My Brother Made.

[1:02:55] It's an advice show that we do without our dad, so he gets blue.

[1:02:59] And you can listen to that as well.

[1:03:03] I just want to say quickly before we wrap here.

[1:03:07] Flophouse is genuinely one of my favorite, favorite podcasts on the planet that I've been mainlining for the past few months.

[1:03:15] And to get to actually record one and sort of like sit in for those guys is like I don't use this word loosely.

[1:03:26] It has been a genuine honor.

[1:03:29] So thank you so much for letting us do that.

[1:03:32] But what I will say is if we had to do this every two weeks and we had to watch a Leprechaun Origins-style movie every two weeks, I would cut my head off and I would throw it in the ocean.

[1:03:39] Yeah, that's fallen on our sword forum.

[1:03:42] Yeah, it was miserable.

[1:03:44] Oh, fuck.

[1:03:45] Happy Shocktober.

[1:03:46] I have been Griffin McElroy.

[1:03:48] I have been Travis McElroy.

[1:03:50] I have been Clint McElroy.

[1:03:51] You just stared at me like, what do I do now?

[1:03:53] I didn't know the order.

[1:03:54] Fuck, dude.

[1:03:55] I said I'd go last and you know your name.

[1:03:57] You just said fuck to your father.

[1:04:00] I am and will remain to be for the foreseeable future, Justin McElroy.

[1:04:17] Thanks for watching, everyone.

[1:04:18] This is a show.

[1:04:19] No, it's a podcast.

[1:04:20] You listened.

[1:04:21] Fuck.

[1:04:22] Gotcha.

[1:04:24] Maximumfun.org.

[1:04:26] Comedy and culture.

[1:04:27] Artist owned.

[1:04:28] Listener supported.

[1:04:30] Oh, hey there, everybody.

[1:04:32] I'm Guy Branum.

[1:04:33] And welcome to Pop Rocket, a new weekly show picking over the pop culture we all love to love.

[1:04:38] With me to talk TV, film, music, and anything else entertaining are journalist Margaret Wappler, academic writer and DJ Oliver Wang, digital strategist Wynter Mitchell, and comedian Santina Muha.

[1:04:51] It's an intellectual and incredibly snark-filled discussion about pop culture by five cranky Hollywood 30-somethings.

[1:04:56] No name calling, no rudeness, just straight talk and a lot of role play.

[1:04:59] I'm only 30-something for another year.

[1:05:01] Me too.

[1:05:02] And I don't tell anybody I'm 30-something.

[1:05:05] Pop Rocket comes out every week from Maximumfun.org.

The Great Switcheroo! Adventure Zone Flop House Takeover

Transcript

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