Ep. #189 - Deliver Us from Evil

[0:00] Classic intros.

[0:01] On tonight's Flophouse, we watched a movie.

[0:05] Called...

[0:06] Deliver Us From Evil.

[0:11] Rated G.

[0:12] Or good.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:47] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:49] Hey, everyone.

[0:49] Welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:50] I'm Stuart Spooky Wellington.

[0:54] I can't live up to that intro, so I'll just say I'm Elliot Kaelin.

[0:57] Just remember that it was Shocktober, the spookiest time of year, dudes.

[1:01] Stoogans!

[1:05] Rattle chain, rattle chain, rattle chain.

[1:07] Skeleton sounds, skeleton sounds.

[1:10] Bat flap, bat flap, bat flap.

[1:12] Water drips, water drips.

[1:13] Candy falling into bag sounds.

[1:15] Why is a water drip scary?

[1:17] It's very scary.

[1:18] Because you're wasting water.

[1:19] You're like, oh, man, now I've got to call the plumber.

[1:21] That's really frightening.

[1:22] The Plumber, starring Jeffrey Combs.

[1:26] Produced by Brian Eusner.

[1:28] Oh, see, that's different from the movie called The Plumber than I know.

[1:30] The Australian one.

[1:32] I mean, it is.

[1:33] Is yours a super scary porno movie with Jeffrey Combs?

[1:36] And I'm guessing Corbin Bernson.

[1:39] Are you making up this movie as you go along?

[1:41] I'm kind of stitching it together from other things.

[1:45] Super scary porno.

[1:48] That's what I'm looking for.

[1:50] Finally, a movie that will give me the chills.

[1:55] And the thrills.

[1:57] It'll scare you so much.

[1:58] The semen just bubbles up out of your out of your spout.

[2:03] It's horrible.

[2:04] OK, you have to see a urologist.

[2:07] I've let this go on long enough.

[2:10] Shut it down.

[2:11] Before we...

[2:12] It's time to bring order to this primordial chaos, Dan.

[2:15] Yeah.

[2:16] Before we move on, I just want to...

[2:18] Before we move on?

[2:19] We haven't even started.

[2:21] What are we moving on to?

[2:23] I was just going to say, before we went on to talking about the movie,

[2:27] I wanted to thank the McElroys for taking over the show last week.

[2:32] Yeah, but we sound different.

[2:34] It's because we're not the McElroys.

[2:35] Yeah, you're super sad about that.

[2:37] Well, don't be a jerk.

[2:38] Listen to the show.

[2:39] And they have a lot of podcasts you can listen to that are very funny.

[2:42] Yeah, we've got 80 of them.

[2:43] If last week was the first episode of The Flophouse that you listened to,

[2:47] then you are in for a shock this week.

[2:49] Yeah, a Shocktober, if you will.

[2:51] I will, because that's the time of the year it is.

[2:53] Dan, what's Shocktober all about?

[2:56] Thanks to...

[2:56] Well, thanks to...

[2:57] We haven't finished thanking the McElroys.

[2:59] OK, before we move on, let's thank the McElroys.

[3:01] They took the car out for a spin.

[3:03] They brought it back full of gas.

[3:05] They took it...

[3:05] They got it nice, washed and waxed.

[3:07] OK.

[3:08] That's a weird compliment.

[3:09] They vacuumed up the crumbs beneath the seat.

[3:12] They rewound the tape in the cassette player to the exact point that I like it.

[3:16] They buffed out your butt groove out of the...

[3:19] Thanks, the chair.

[3:20] I think what you're saying is they did a bang up job.

[3:22] Yeah.

[3:23] And we were really happy to have them on the show.

[3:25] Thanks, guys, for doing us justice, because we were seeking justice.

[3:30] If I seem distracted during this podcast,

[3:33] let me just take a moment to say that there is a loudly wheezing cat in the corner.

[3:37] My cat is sick.

[3:39] It's had to been hospitalized and it's back.

[3:41] And now it's making wheezy, wheezy noises.

[3:44] So Dan might be a little distracted.

[3:45] So I keep looking over there.

[3:47] And also, I dozed off a little bit toward the end of this movie.

[3:51] Don't worry, guys.

[3:52] You were lying on the floor snoring.

[3:54] And for the time being, I'm going to put my classic bit to bed.

[3:57] The flop house house cat.

[3:59] I'm going to put him in the little bit garage.

[4:01] I'll take him out for a spin, you know, a little while later.

[4:04] Not tonight, though.

[4:05] You haven't done it in a long time.

[4:07] Thanks for warning us.

[4:08] Out of respect.

[4:12] If so, if anyone's listening just to hear the house cat,

[4:14] maybe skip this episode.

[4:16] I would hate to do the bit.

[4:17] And then you guys out of like kind of anger and shock, just spit

[4:20] whatever you're drinking all over the keyboard.

[4:23] And then the computer explodes and then we lose another episode.

[4:26] I mean, on a Babylon AD scenario or beastly was that was the other one.

[4:30] No, beastly we released.

[4:32] Beastly was released.

[4:33] I thought we had.

[4:34] No, we we released half of it.

[4:36] I think it was the one where the pirate radio station

[4:40] started sneaking into our airways.

[4:42] Oh, that's right. That's right.

[4:43] When this briefly turned into a reggaeton show, Christian Slayer,

[4:48] Christian Slayer, which is the Christian version of the band Slayer,

[4:52] because they wanted to bring the kids back into the fold. Yeah.

[4:56] Complete opposite message.

[4:57] So the song Angel of Death is now called Actual Angel does not kill people.

[5:03] So I'd like to rely on you even more than usual, Elliot,

[5:06] since the first half of this movie, I was worried about

[5:10] whether my cat was going to be fed through the next two.

[5:13] You were asleep.

[5:14] What do we do on this here podcast, fellas?

[5:16] Dan, maybe let's if you're not if you didn't sleep through the part

[5:19] where we do the podcast normally,

[5:21] what do we do on this podcast and how does Shocktober affect that?

[5:25] Being that as that is the month that the we are in now.

[5:28] You have to check your calendar unless you listen to this.

[5:31] Not in Shocktober, in which case, shame on you.

[5:35] Check your calendar scare.

[5:38] Is that an acceptable Cryptkeeper pun off of calendar?

[5:41] Uh, Dan's gears are working.

[5:43] I would get a calendar.

[5:45] Let's let's kill and kill and there's probably there's much better.

[5:48] Wow. I can't believe that that fell right by me.

[5:51] So this is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and we talk about it.

[5:55] And during Shocktober, the most magical time of the year,

[5:58] we watch horror movies or like ghouls and ghosties are popping out of toilets

[6:02] to scare you. Those are ghoulies, ghoulies, ghosties, ghosties.

[6:06] That's my awkwardness.

[6:08] Separated ghoulies into ghouls.

[6:11] And you combine ghoulies with ghouls and ghosts.

[6:14] Yep. But and ghosties, I guess, is your cereal that you're producing.

[6:17] You get you get struck by a ghoulie or a ghostie and your armor pops off

[6:22] and you run around your underpants throwing weirdly arcing torches at things.

[6:26] Yeah, the tiny javelin.

[6:29] I can't remember.

[6:30] Does the ghoulie actually pop out of the toilet in the movie ghoulies?

[6:33] I feel like the poster has.

[6:35] What about when it goes to college?

[6:36] The poster gets you in the end.

[6:38] What about any critters?

[6:39] Do they pop out of toilets?

[6:40] Ghoulie goes to college.

[6:41] It sticks a plunger on a on a showering co-ed.

[6:46] At one point, he pulls her face off using the toilet point.

[6:49] There's the physics of that do not add up.

[6:51] I'm just going to have to say ghoulies go to college.

[6:53] Do that in the movie face off, Dan.

[6:57] Would it save some bucks?

[6:58] They didn't have enough.

[6:58] Yeah, here's my question.

[7:01] Did the how did the ghoulie get into college?

[7:03] Was it like a like a special needs scholarship or something?

[7:06] It was community college.

[7:08] OK, and do you think ghoulies would fit in the face off universe?

[7:11] Yeah, then we're universe where they have magnetic prison boots.

[7:15] I think toilet repair is what they're going for.

[7:18] Stuart, it's all going to be in the face off sequel face off to now there's ghoulies.

[7:25] Are those ghoulies groovy?

[7:26] No, they are not.

[7:27] Probably not.

[7:28] So what movie did we watch this time, Dan, as if it wasn't

[7:32] announced at the beginning of the episode called Deliver Us from Evil.

[7:37] Now, this is the story of a woman named Eva, who is very overbearing.

[7:41] And everyone wants to be delivered from common mistake.

[7:43] You were watching a movie on your phone.

[7:45] That's not what we're talking about.

[7:46] Yeah, Deliver Us from Eva.

[7:48] The story of Eva Braun and her.

[7:51] It's a it's a remake of Kiki's delivery service with Eva Braun

[7:55] instead of the lovable teen witch.

[7:58] Is there any toad arose in which?

[7:59] Yes. Which is the story of a teenager who gets turned into a sandwich.

[8:05] What kind of toppings would you have on that?

[8:08] Zits, I guess. I don't know. It's a teenager.

[8:11] What bacon bits? I don't know.

[8:13] Come on, teen witch. Top that. Come on.

[8:14] Yeah. Oh, I see. Because it topped that.

[8:17] Yeah. So I'm a classic joke.

[8:19] So we were talking joke.

[8:23] We're talking about Deliver Us from Evil.

[8:25] This is the what like 10th movie that has this name.

[8:28] Yes. There's a lot of movies with this name.

[8:29] But this is the only one based on the memoirs.

[8:32] Joel McHale.

[8:33] Well, you'll go with the star power of Gould McHale

[8:39] and starring Eric Boone.

[8:44] Delicious chicken dish.

[8:48] And Olivia Munn is in it.

[8:50] And you didn't even try.

[8:53] Olivia Munn is probably the best.

[8:55] Yeah. What about Olivia Munn?

[8:58] OK, Gould Olivia Munn.

[8:59] Oh, Oh, Deadia Munn instead of Olivia Munn.

[9:04] Boo Liver Us from Booville.

[9:07] All the boos down in Booville.

[9:09] I like Halloween a lot.

[9:10] Yeah. Here's a boo.

[9:12] It's the Doctor Seuss Halloween book.

[9:15] So this movie is based on memoirs.

[9:18] It's incredibly loose.

[9:21] It's incredibly loosely based on the memoirs of a New York

[9:25] NYPD officer who has since become a full time demonologist.

[9:30] Apparently he was by day a policeman and by night an exorcist type

[9:34] prowling the mean streets of New York looking for demons,

[9:37] I assume, in Hell's Kitchen and Hell's the Bronx and Hell's East Village.

[9:43] And who can forget who can forget

[9:46] Devil's Staten Island?

[9:49] I can only assume that Vin Diesel was doing something else

[9:51] when they were making this movie.

[9:52] This is like right up his alley, dude.

[9:55] I don't know.

[9:56] Yeah, man, he's the last witch hunter.

[9:58] No, that hasn't come out yet.

[10:00] demon on her character that'd be perfect for Vin. That movie wasn't wasn't he all

[10:03] oh no I'm thinking of I was watching the trailer for The Last Witch Hunter and

[10:07] because why not? I guess it's our trailer talk segment. It was in front of another movie.

[10:11] That's the normal place to see a trailer. It was in front of another movie and you asked it to move aside so it wasn't blocking your view of the

[10:18] movie anymore. But like I swear like it was a trailer we're like halfway through

[10:23] the trailer I'm like well they're still explaining the premise of this movie.

[10:27] Especially the title kind of explains everything. He's the last witch finder,

[10:32] witch hunter, general, and electric. So uh let's talk about it. The movie has a

[10:39] brief prologue in Iraq where three Marines. In Iraq? Oh lord. Dan has been apparently possessed by a stupid joke demon.

[10:50] His name is Dumbophilies. Dumbophilies. Yep, he's still possessed I guess.

[11:02] This gibberish demon. I cast thee out of Dan. Dumbledan. The Apple Dumbledan.

[11:13] Disney movie. Yeah. So we're three seconds into the movie. It's 2010. We're in Iraq. There's a

[11:24] firefight in Iraq and three Marines discover an underground cave. There's also a bunch of bats

[11:29] and you know. We hear a lot of screaming. Now it's 2013. Flash forward. Flash to the forward.

[11:36] Eric Cabana is a police officer in the NYPD. That's the New York.

[11:42] Anybody? Police. Yeah. Penis department. Yeah. Dan are you okay? Sorry. I'm very distracted. Now I wonder if

[11:50] there is a New York penis department that's just in charge of just keeping penises safe.

[11:54] This guy comes in like oh you're here to read your penis meter? Yep. Same length as last month. I'll be

[12:01] back in a month. What do you keep your penis here? I keep it in the same place everyone keeps their

[12:05] penis. Every time the penis meter reader comes over you're like is this a scam? Are they just

[12:09] trying to rob my penis? Sir can you let me in the basement? I need to read the penis meter for the

[12:13] people upstairs. Sir you don't need to hang out with me while I do this. It's going to be a couple

[12:17] minutes. He and so Eric Cabana's character Ralph Sarchie. He is having a bad day. First he finds

[12:29] a dead baby in a dumpster. Then he and his partner Joel McHale have a deal with a domestic disturbance

[12:34] where a guy who's a former Marine is hitting his wife or something. Him and his partner Joel McHale

[12:44] then go to another complaint where they find a... A lady is totally slam dunked a baby.

[12:52] Yeah no that's the difference. The Marine says everything's fine. Although he's clearly being

[12:58] abusive. Your ability to read Wikipedia summaries of movies has been hindered somehow. Are you

[13:03] possessed Elliot? I'm possessed by a demon of not caring very much about this movie. But then they

[13:08] go to the third call which is at the Bronx Zoo. One of my favorite places in the city. I like the

[13:13] Museum of Natural History more. Maybe that's because strangely enough the animals seem less

[13:18] sad to me for being dead than just being imprisoned. But I like animals. They've crossed

[13:24] over from this veil of tears. Yeah they're busy having adventures in the afterlife in animal

[13:31] the blazing world. We just called that because it's because that's where you can light farts.

[13:39] So they go to the Bronx Zoo where a woman threw her child into a moat around one of the cages

[13:45] which apparently causes a child to disappear completely. Nobody knows where it is. Is it

[13:51] the same baby as the one he pulled out of that garbage bale? No those are very different babies.

[13:55] There are two times in the movie when you see children who have been killed and put into garbage

[14:03] receptacles. Both times. Stuart what did you say? Both scenes? Talk about a garbage bale kid.

[14:12] And then I asked for a high five that I never received. No that high five was not forthcoming.

[14:18] They go to the Bronx Zoo where a woman has thrown her child into a ravine and they can't figure out

[14:23] what it is. They find the woman in the dark and they walk around the zoo in the dark and like

[14:28] suddenly a bear jumps out of nowhere and and roars at them. Or like suddenly some other animal makes

[14:33] a bunch of noise. Almost all the scares in this horror movie are one of two types. Either super

[14:38] gross goryness or it's dark everything's quiet and then something jumps out and makes a lot. I

[14:43] feel like they pitched this movie and they're like hey you've heard of a cat scare have you?

[14:47] Wait for it. How about a wait for it bear scare? Here's how they pitched this. Way bigger than a

[14:55] cat. They called the executives into the room and they were like so we're gonna tell you a story

[14:59] and the executives were like okay and then the director didn't say anything for a while. The

[15:03] executive was like are you gonna and the director went boo and all the executives were so scared

[15:06] they're like oh god it's a million dollar idea we gotta get on board with this. Let me pitch you

[15:11] this movie. Close your eyes and stick your hand in this box. That's the witch's hair. Really? Because

[15:18] it feels like spaghetti. No it's not spaghetti at all. It's real slimy. Okay so it seems pretty

[15:25] thick. It's really starchy. It's like her hair is like almost like wires like the thickness that

[15:32] you'd find in like a small electrical cable. It doesn't feel like hair. No no no it's totally hair

[15:38] because it it's all is this a meatball that's in the hair? That's like I don't know dandruff or

[15:42] something because it's scabs. It's pretty clearly a meatball and what is this? This is a piece of penne.

[15:50] No no no that's like uh she has hollow hair. She had a catheter. Okay put your hand in this. It's

[15:56] the witch's eyeballs. Really? She had like 20 eyeballs that all felt like olives? She had a

[16:01] collection of them. Yeah were these eyeballs she found? No no they were in her head I guess somehow.

[16:08] So much you want me to believe that much like the Misfits song 20 eyes. She had 20 eyes in her head.

[16:13] So at this point the movie pitch is not going well. The executives are really pushing back. They were

[16:18] like you really want us over with that boo at the beginning. If you had stopped the pitch then

[16:24] you'd have your movie. Frankly by continuing with the pitch you have hurt your chances.

[16:28] Here put your hand on this. That's just your penis sir. Oh yeah well tell the penis department about

[16:33] it. Don't measure it for me would you? I gotta write the numbers on this piece of paper and

[16:37] mail it into the department. I wasn't home when the guy came to measure. You know that's a scam

[16:42] right? He's just a pervo creep. Oh man all this time. Well what if we did a movie about that? Nope

[16:48] sorry gotta pass. That's a hard pass. You're telling me. Anyway so uh they're at the Bronx

[16:59] Zoo. They're looking for the woman and they eventually find her and she is she's flipping

[17:03] She is nutso crazy. She's beautiful. She's she's scrabbling in the dirt,

[17:10] scratching at a rock to the point that her fingernails are chipping. She's mumbling,

[17:14] blathering, ranting. Some of it is the lyrics to Doors songs. And at this point if you've seen

[17:20] movies before this movie is going to be using a lot of shorthand that you understand which is

[17:25] if a person's face is all waxy and has like smeared makeup probably a demon. If somebody

[17:30] has paint on their face they're a demon in this movie as seen by the fact that they're like

[17:36] they're like so nobody else is around huh? Oh well there's that guy. Oh yeah that guy has been

[17:41] painting a wall for for hours all day and is in a creepy hood and they look at him and he turns and

[17:46] looks at them and he's got a face like the crow like Alice Cooper in Prince of Darkness. Like he

[17:50] looks like a crazy evil guy who they've hired to paint and the play and Eric well Eric this is

[17:55] after Eric you know he put in the lowest bid to do that because his bid was I'll do it for nothing

[18:00] if you let me make people crazy and fill them with demons. But uh the Eric Bana that's a pretty

[18:05] good deal. No I mean from a dollars for paint point of view that's great yeah. He did all his

[18:12] work at night. I mean he's been working there all day they said. He was there in the early day just

[18:18] painting away with his roller and everything. But this is after Eric Bana has tried to get the story

[18:24] out of this crazy woman who is sitting on a bench handcuffed to it just

[18:29] tazzing out and yeah spinning around and going through trees.

[18:38] Only appearing in like two cartoons and somehow being a merchandising juggernaut. Oh my god he's

[18:42] the Boba Fett of Looney Tunes. He's got streetwise attitude. Yeah yeah. Put his clothes on and now

[18:47] turn them around. That's crisscross. He had a character like Beaky Buzzard not nowhere near the

[18:53] same following. I don't understand it. So uh he she's mumbling to herself. She's repeating doors

[18:59] lyrics. She's clearly a crazy mad woman and Eric Bana he decides to get straight to the heart by

[19:03] going hey what's the matter with you? Because everyone in this movie also has super heavy

[19:09] fakey New York accents. Everyone's like hey forget about it. Oh demons. I don't know. Yankees.

[19:18] Satan. Whoa I'm walking here. Forget about it. It's me Olivia Munn. Oh I mean yeah Olivia. I mean

[19:24] Olivia's is one of the better accents. I know it's funnier coming from her. Well saying the name

[19:29] certainly. It's me Eric Bana. I played the Hulk. Oh I'm smashing here. From Australia. This is what

[19:37] I sound like. Classic outback accent. It's me Joe McHale. Nobody knows where I'm from. Whatever.

[19:43] Forget about it. Now look at this clip from The Real Housewives. Hey you'll like it.

[19:51] You'll like it. Sounds like a nonchalant Italian waiter. Nonchalant indeed.

[19:58] The hard cha that says I

[20:00] spoken that word before. So I was trying it out. So after talking to you for

[20:09] trying new things, trying to be the sophisticated one. So after after

[20:18] failing to get an answer with his Hey, what's what's wrong with you? He goes,

[20:21] Oh, they point out the creepy painting guy. And he runs after him, which means

[20:26] he goes, Hey, come over here. And the painting guy just kind of drops his

[20:29] roller and walks away like whatever, I don't need to deal with this. They

[20:33] follow him form his acting choices for the rest of the movie until the end

[20:37] when he goes super intense. But uh, and I have to say this, I feel I always

[20:42] feel so so much pity, or mercy or fools. Yeah. You got a pity. But the what they

[20:51] mess with the T man. Yeah. But for the people who have to play the possessed

[20:57] villain in these types of movies, they're never the big star. They never

[21:01] get top billing. Like unless you're Anthony Hopkins in a Hannibal movie, you

[21:05] have to put in the most physically intense acting job of the movie. And you

[21:10] get you get very little credit because you're essentially a walking special

[21:13] effect for most of it. They're all over you got to be covered in goop. You got

[21:17] to have like tattoos carved into your body because he did that for real

[21:20] clearly. And the demon here is played by the guy in Prometheus who gets lost and

[21:26] is killed by that lamprey monster and then comes back all zombified and kills

[21:30] a couple people. And he's not a terrible actor. No, he played he played the who

[21:35] the guy from Joy Division in 24 hour party people. Yeah, yeah. And it like so

[21:39] he's real, you know, typecast. He's either playing a possessed demon guy and

[21:45] alien zombified person or Ian Curtis. So but uh, the so he they follow him into

[21:52] the zoo. And he leads Eric Vanna into a little bit of a trap we like to call

[21:56] the lion's den, in that it is a den with two lions in it. And Eric Vanna

[22:01] narrowly escapes as the goofiest zookeeper in the world tries desperately

[22:06] to help him out. It's like they might as well just cast the ghost of Don

[22:10] Knott's as the zookeeper. Like the character that Dennis Weaver plays in

[22:14] Touch of Evil, that weird hotel keeper, he is like, seems like a reason like a

[22:18] normal human being next to this goofball. Like, I don't know why I had a

[22:23] barbaric character suddenly walked into the movie and started working at a zoo.

[22:27] But anyway, it the style clashes somewhat with

[22:30] he was assuming he was going to be wiped out. And they've been going to put an

[22:33] animated character in his place.

[22:37] He thought he was hired originally for the role of body double for Hong Kong

[22:41] food. But uh, so yeah, that that's all done with motion capture, right? Hong

[22:47] Kong food and body double for Hong Kong food was a really weird sequel to body

[22:52] double. It's similar to the same to the original movie, except Craig Wesson

[22:57] across the street watching Hong Kong food.

[23:01] Just taking off that kimono, I guess, because he leaves the mask on, I assume.

[23:06] Was he stripping out of his janitor's clothes? That's right.

[23:10] So when did when did Brian De Palma stop working with Hanna-Barbera

[23:14] characters? Was it after? Was it after Scrappy Doo Sisters?

[23:21] Wait, he made Snake Eyes, right? Yeah, yeah. Well, Snake Eyes is full of them.

[23:27] It's called Snake Eyes because of all the snake men.

[23:29] When he did Raising Jabberjaw with John Lithgow and Jabberjaw.

[23:33] Sure.

[23:33] But anyway, where were we? Oh, yes, they go to the zoo. They lose the bad guy,

[23:38] but he narrowly escapes being eaten by a lion. And you learn that in this movie that

[23:42] all animals are evil. They are just like the devil can just control them.

[23:46] Yep.

[23:48] They set the woman gets transferred. Her name is Jane gets transferred from the police station

[23:52] to a mental health facility under the care of a Jesuit priest named Mendoza.

[23:57] And he is a drug dealer.

[24:01] And he is a cool Jesuit priest. He smokes, he drinks, he wears a leather jacket. He's got

[24:06] long hair. He checks out girls butts when they walk by him. He's essentially James Woods in

[24:11] Vampires, except where his vampires realized, hey, why don't we make this badass, like smoking,

[24:18] drinking priest character who fights the evil into the hero of the movie?

[24:23] Here, he's like the sidekick guide, bagger Vance type who kind of leads also like the NYPD guy

[24:28] through. And he's also this priest is not as cool as the movie wants us to believe.

[24:31] James Woods character is also kind of a joke. Like it's like, hey, what if we made a priest

[24:36] like a real asshole? Yeah. Whereas this one is just supposed to be like an awesome sexy Latin

[24:40] priest. I guess this movie basically not to jump too far ahead, but they, they try the classic cop

[24:46] plus not a cop and a half. We call it at a certain point. He's like blown my mind by boiling down

[24:56] 50% of pop culture for all entertainment, 75 years. Cause after a certain point, he's like,

[25:03] I'm not, I know that he gets killed spoiler alert, but after a certain point, he even stops

[25:07] hanging out with his partner. He's just hanging out with this priest. Yeah. Well, his partner does

[25:11] die eventually. So that's part of the reason that's what happens when your partner's dies,

[25:16] they make you a ride around with a priest. When you, when you, this is NYPD rule law,

[25:21] when your partner dies, you're automatically part of the New York penis department. Yes.

[25:24] The New York penis department. You're automatically partnered up with whoever you're with at the

[25:27] moment. Even if they're not a cop, they're a cop now. It's why you see so many, uh, why you see so

[25:34] many landlord and superintendent cops now, because they just let the two cops into the building.

[25:39] One of them dies of like a heart attack. That superintendent is now a cop.

[25:42] Okay. Wow. I would like to hear your pitch for a cop, not a cop show. Yeah. I mean,

[25:47] that's basically every show, but, uh, yeah. Family matters. That was a cop, not a cop show.

[25:53] The cop, Carl Winslow, the not a cop, Steve Urkel. I'm glad that he's, he's getting, uh,

[25:58] he's getting co-billing with Carl Winslow at this point. Uh, I mean, I don't know, you can do a cop

[26:05] plus, I don't know, an ice cream vendor. That's a pretty clear one. We'll call it cone patrol.

[26:10] So it's a boob movie. Yes. So what's another one? Give us another one. Boobs cones in this

[26:17] scenario. Yeah, totally. Or the ice cream, the dollops of ice cream that are being served on

[26:22] them. That feels terrible for everybody. Delicious dairy lumps. Oh God, it's, it's terrible. So

[26:30] what's another one? Cone patrol. We got a cop of course. And I don't know, it goes without saying,

[26:36] uh, I would say a, a lamp salesman. Okay. What do we call that? Well, they're turning, uh,

[26:42] they're turning the harsh light on the crime. Okay. We're going to be called, we'll call it

[26:47] shades. Okay. Sounds good. Lampshades. No, we got it. Yeah. Shades, common lampshades.

[26:54] Shades, lampshades. Wait, is that like, yeah, cause it's officer shades.

[27:05] And he went into the lighting business. So, so what you're telling me is that

[27:07] lampshades were named after their inventor and we got the word lamp

[27:12] because shades was a preexisting cognate. And it's just a coincidence that he had shades in his name.

[27:18] Well, his name was lampshades. So he was, he was naturally going to be drawn to lamps.

[27:23] So he's a moth. Kind of, if that's what you consider lampshades to be. Let's move on.

[27:30] Okay. So cop, not a cop, a couple of different ideas. If you have more suggestions for Stewart,

[27:34] send them in, I guess, with the hashtag bad idea,

[27:37] write them on a letter, stick it down the sewer and maybe the Ninja Turtles will enjoy it because

[27:43] they don't get to go to the movies. Otherwise they're just going to pass along to like USA.

[27:48] Cause that's half their fucking shows, dude. Yeah. Send it in the sewers so that a chud can

[27:53] find it and have a laugh. Brighten up. It's terrible chuddy existence for a moment. Let's,

[27:59] we'll shorten this a little bit. It turned, they, they fought, they get called to another house

[28:03] where there's spooky goings on. And, uh, they find, they go down to the basement,

[28:07] Eric Bana hallucinates, a couple of scary things. And then he, uh, find a dead body literally falls

[28:13] out of the wall and then bloats and its guts fall out and flies pop out of its eyes.

[28:19] Genuinely gross. It was really fun to be eating dinner. I normally am not affected by that shit

[28:25] when I'm eating. And this time I was like, all right, well, this is, I saw that. I'm like,

[28:29] man, I should, I should work out more. And this is this, and we haven't, I don't think by that

[28:37] point they had gotten yet to the, uh, no, then they follow the address on that guy's driver's

[28:42] license to his apartment where they find all sorts of gross stuff. There's roaches everywhere

[28:49] in bags of garbage and a whole, but no lights, no lights, all the lights are out or don't exist.

[28:54] There's a whole serial killer montage, uh, collage on the wall of teeth and eyes and stuff.

[29:00] And they go into another room where there's a live dog, which of course

[29:03] jumps out in, uh, and barks to be scary. How about a dog scare?

[29:09] And speaking of cat scares, Joe McHale literally turns and his flashlight reveals that on the

[29:14] wall right behind him was a cat that was crucified. And then its chest opened up and its guts pulled

[29:19] out. It is disgusting, but it's also for our sins, but it was also Jesus cats. Well, not our

[29:26] sins. Yeah, sure. Because cats were, because of the first two cats, cat Adam and cat Eve,

[29:32] what a missed opportunity. They could have put in an easy nine lives joke in there. That's true.

[29:37] I would do that. It is, was pretty funny. Just the reveal that right behind him was a crucified

[29:41] cat. Just like you guys really didn't notice anything that was going on in the room. Did you

[29:45] not? I'm imagining a Jesus cat performing the miracle of multiplying the fish skeletons for

[29:51] all the other cats. Nice. Nice. Or riff raff turning fish into wine. Well, and that right

[29:57] before that was a genuinely kind of cool image.

[30:00] When they the the dog that jumps out and scares you has what looks like a crucifix around it's around its collar

[30:06] But like the light pans down and you see that the Jesus on the cross has goat legs

[30:11] Yeah, there's a couple of image if they're like I'll say this for the movie. They're talking gross

[30:16] It's super gross. And then I was like, what are we watching NBC's Hannibal?

[30:21] But uh, the there are a couple images in it. They're like genuinely creepy. There are moments in it that are genuinely

[30:27] Creepy and disquieting but mostly it's

[30:30] It's it's jump out scares and like oh, it's dark now. It's just shot. So dark

[30:35] Yeah, the guy directed sinister

[30:37] Which is another movie that gets most of its atmosphere because the entire movie is super duper dark

[30:42] It looks like he saw seven and he was like I can outdark that let's put more fake rain in the sea

[30:48] Yeah, and the rain in this movie looks terrible. It's constantly raining in different scene. Well, no, it's not cuz right

[30:54] It's raining in many scenes and you know how usually they angle the rain so the split sprinklers

[30:59] They're shooting up so that the rain falls down in a more natural pattern of gravity

[31:05] So there's magic a little bit of movie magic for you. What's this stuff? You should know all of a sudden

[31:09] Yeah, that's what this is movie stuff

[31:10] You should know movie edition for movies and that but in this it just looks like everyone's standing under

[31:15] Sprinkler head the shower heads or just like a row of lawn sprinklers upside down like the water just falls down straight on everybody's head

[31:22] Doesn't look like real rain. But anyway, that's how they do it

[31:25] Yeah, they point the sprinklers up and the rain falls back down because of gravity. That's why you can't shoot rain scenes on the moon

[31:35] That's why

[31:37] When they tried to shoot the sequel to singing in the rain singing in the rain on the moon

[31:40] It was a huge flop. The dancing was amazing. Oh, it was in almost zero G

[31:46] Was so acrobatic. Yeah

[31:49] Unfortunately, unfortunately to do that part he had to get out of his spacesuit and his blood boiled and exploded

[31:55] So is the loss of one of America's great song and dance clowns, but still

[32:00] They fix it and post that they find out that there is a that here's here's the link between these people

[32:05] is that they are all they all served in Iraq together these three guys the guy who was hitting his wife and

[32:12] the

[32:13] Creepy painter dude and this guy who was killed and stuffed into the basement full of maggots

[32:21] Well, they weren't demon men first, I mean and two they were Marines Bill Murray was in the army and stripes, right?

[32:28] Yeah, and stripe is a gremlin. How'd they let him into the army?

[32:33] Barely talk. All I can say is gizmo mogwai. Yum. Yum

[32:37] It's very

[32:40] He did say gizmo

[32:44] Technicality all you sort of form a complete sentence. He can swear. He'll do fine in this man's army

[32:53] They realized we got one we got one recruit we throw him in the pool to see if he can swim suddenly

[32:58] We got 30 recruits. This is like this is I think we can we've fixed our stop-loss problem everybody

[33:06] But I think I'm storming the beach at Normandy like that would be a unstoppable force. Yeah, unfortunately probably joined forces with the Nazis

[33:12] So, I mean, they're kind of more chaotic chaotic evil rather than Wow

[33:20] Yeah, Dan and Dan

[33:22] Realize did D&D so really looking forward to somebody whipping up a quick bit of fan art of

[33:29] gremlin storm the

[33:30] stripe biting Hitler

[33:32] It's that Captain America number one cover, but it's striped punching Hitler out and singing hit listening Hitler kaka

[33:40] And Hitler has to sing with a mouthful of Hitler Hitler has to escape by driving a little Barbie remote-control car away

[33:47] There's a legend as win one for Uncle Sam

[33:50] So is so is so is that galleon? I had not seen this reading of it and is gizmo a Nazi I?

[33:58] Think gizmo is the ordinary German citizen who has been transformed

[34:03] But then it seems like the gremlin is the perfect metaphor for that. How did stripe become a hero?

[34:09] Well stripe, you know stripes got a mohawk he's got

[34:13] You know attitude. Yeah, he is rude and he's easily identified and he's crude if he says kaka

[34:19] Sure, so Joe Dante right in if you have some thoughts about this

[34:24] So anyway, they put the whole thing together these three guys were in the Marines two of them started a painting company together

[34:30] And for some reason it was not until after they started the painting company that the demon that they woke up in Iraq

[34:36] Decided to come help them

[34:38] He finds that they've been painted. I don't think it helped him the paint

[34:43] You think it like helped him secure that small business loan?

[34:48] This isn't really zoned as an office space, but I suppose I could pull some strings

[34:54] Fetal strings. Well, I shouldn't give you this loan, but I guess I'll arm wrestle you for it. Oh demons drank

[35:01] It's like so you have a recommendation from mr. B. Elza Bob

[35:06] I assume that's Bill Elza Bob down at a

[35:10] Demon guy. What is the name of this guy?

[35:13] His name is Santino. That sounds eerily like

[35:17] Lucifer

[35:19] Sounds like Satan or as we were saying

[35:22] It's like the great Santini if Robert Duvall's character was was just demonic

[35:26] Like he threw his basketball so hard at his at his son's chest that it just burst through

[35:31] But anyway, he looks through

[35:33] He met Eric Bannon goes to look through some surveillance footage and footage from the from the Iraqi all-soldiers guys

[35:39] And he's seeing blips of a bloody man's face that nobody else is noticing and he's hearing children's laughter that

[35:46] Joel McHale does not notice and Joel McHale is mainly busy flipping on his death to the laughter of children

[35:52] He's so busy flipping his knife over and over again and starting to peel an apple that we never see him eat

[35:57] That he says no, I don't know about that

[35:59] He finds that the painters were all painting over the same scratched in devil Latin inscription

[36:06] And they do a shitty job of painting. They do a bad this the wife of the who's of the wife beater

[36:13] She goes. Oh, he is office

[36:15] The friends came by and they painted it for free and they walk in and it is the worst painting job

[36:19] They stop well below the molding. It's patchy the the strokes

[36:24] Tapes or anything? No, not at all. It looks they look like they did one coat. No undercoat nothing

[36:29] It's just like it's probably not Benjamin Moore. No, it's not. It's probably one red devil paint

[36:36] Or possibly some kind of off-brand paint like Satan's choice. There's nothing like that

[36:41] Lose the color, you know something like that like the devil store. Yeah. Yeah down at Satan Williams. Yeah

[36:48] So anyway untrue value because he's the Lord of Lies, you know, like true value hardware store, you know

[36:56] so there's also

[36:58] There's he anyway, his daughter also has a stuffed owl in her room

[37:02] Which the devil decides in a fucking old-timey crank music box

[37:05] Like who gives their kid that and the devil decides these are the two things that he's gonna go after be spooky because he has

[37:12] no new ideas

[37:13] there's a

[37:15] But he's but he finds that pictogram underneath it's a pictogram from a cave in Iraq. What were you say Dan?

[37:20] No, I just like the devil real enjoys playing puppets with

[37:23] With toys like that's well because I guess the devil didn't have toys when he was a kid

[37:28] That's why I mean, it's like now that the devil is rich. He's buying all the stuff

[37:33] He couldn't have as a kid. So like that's why the devil has is really big. I'm playing SNES. I

[37:39] Couldn't get this this I couldn't get hyper zone when I was a kid now, I'll play it

[37:43] It's kind of a middling shooter. It's pretty generic. I don't know why you'd bother with that one night trap. Did you ever play it?

[37:49] It's on say you see

[37:52] Sewer shark, is that one of them? I can't remember

[37:55] Did nobody even say the CD came out? No one liked it

[37:58] I can't believe you spent your your spoons. I went on eBay and I tracked down all the original releases

[38:04] I have that Sherlock Holmes game

[38:07] I'm a man. I've kind of noticed there was less evil in the world

[38:10] I didn't realize cuz he was so busy tracking down a complete Sega CD collection. I got 32x

[38:15] I want to play some 32-bit games. Just get a Saturn. I don't understand why

[38:20] Why would you bother with 32x?

[38:24] So there is a great scene where he revealed he scratches off the paint and reveals this Latin

[38:30] inscription on the wall

[38:31] And then he's also looking at his laptop and watches video footage of the soldiers in Iraq finding the exact same

[38:39] Inscription on a tomb wall and you see Eric Banner slowly turn the computer to double-check

[38:47] As Stewart said when we were watching it for the dummies in the audience

[38:50] I would love to be like put like a pencil next to each pictogram and then I looked up and like alright that one

[38:55] And that one

[38:59] Oh, no, no, it is

[39:01] Okay

[39:01] the only way they could have spelled it out more for the audience is if Eric Banner literally said it's the same one and then

[39:07] The devil showed up and said, yes, it's a devil thing

[39:12] See you in Act 3

[39:20] Vote for me

[39:22] Running for alderman

[39:26] Yeah, I was gonna say another the devil was an elected position

[39:29] Oh, yeah. Yeah devil you you serve out up to three three-year terms

[39:33] Okay, it should be three six-year terms

[39:35] But they did not think it through at the time that the hell constitutional convention was so contentious

[39:41] They could barely compromise on anything. That's why sometimes you got a really evil devil and sometimes you get like the devil

[39:46] I'm like those devil hams

[39:50] But you go into the polls and you're just like well, I'm just I'm just honestly just voting for the greater of two evils right now

[39:56] That's the best I can hope for

[39:58] so

[40:00] she goes to see jane the one from the zoo

[40:02] and in the in the mental hospital with mendoza the priest

[40:06] and the doctor on duty is not happy to let them use a nerd he is a real nerd

[40:11] who refuses to get up from his desk

[40:13] and uh...

[40:14] when they go he shows jane the uh... the family reading a fucking zoo book or

[40:18] something

[40:20] yeah ranger rickerson shit nerd

[40:22] he's apparently a little kid to

[40:25] reading a zoo book

[40:27] yeah hippopotamus who gives a shit

[40:31] reading up on old world monkeys

[40:34] so uh...

[40:35] he shows jane his phone that he took a picture of the inscription

[40:38] and she responds by

[40:40] like laughing and then biting his arm till blood just flows copiously

[40:45] she thought she read his name which is eric banna and she thought

[40:49] must be eric banana

[40:52] she's wrong it's eric banna

[40:54] i made the same mistake

[40:56] you bit eric banna thinking he was a banana

[41:01] he's a hemophiliac i guess unlike most people all of his blood is just below

[41:05] the first layer of skin cells

[41:07] he was really cool about it no he was totally he's like this happens all the time

[41:11] good day mate

[41:12] cheers this happens all the time

[41:14] bonzer

[41:16] yeah

[41:17] the number of bloody sheilas who have bit me arm

[41:20] yeah do you

[41:21] do you want an autograph and steve's like no thanks you were the worst hulk

[41:26] gotta go what about ed notton

[41:29] it was right kookamonga

[41:33] i guess that's not a trillion

[41:35] yeah that was what he sounded like in flawless starring philip seymour hoffman

[41:39] and robert de niro

[41:41] is that the movie where the guy takes the drug and becomes flawless

[41:46] his brain has no flaws

[41:48] well no that would be terrible all the wrinkles smooth out of his brain and he loses all of his

[41:52] knowledge

[41:54] we really shouldn't have invented this brain smoothening drug it turns out

[41:57] people are not that bothered by the wrinkles in their brain it's basically like a reverse

[42:01] flowers for algerdon right

[42:02] yeah reverse which where he goes from smart to dumb and then what smart again at the end

[42:07] his life is fine

[42:10] they found a super intelligent mouse and gave it dumb drugs and then it got smart again

[42:15] which they also just called drugs

[42:18] you make a good point

[42:20] that's what the d stands for

[42:22] i guess there's a reason they don't make movies about magic drugs that make you dumb

[42:26] because that's just what drugs do

[42:27] don't do drugs kids yeah drugs is a portmanteau for dumb drugs

[42:33] yeah just like hat is for head hat

[42:36] everyone remembers that famous portmanteau

[42:40] so mendoza explains that this inscription is some kind of

[42:43] christian pagan inscription that opens a portal to let a demon into the human world

[42:48] and some people are more susceptible to demons than others and guess what eric banna's cop

[42:52] has this special magic demon radar power that means that it's easier for demons to drive

[42:57] him super nutso

[42:58] uh... and it has to do with a talk about how

[43:01] mendoza talks about how he was a big sinner before he became a priest

[43:05] and uh...

[43:06] there is a really cool conversation in a bar that's in the back of a firehouse

[43:11] that's the only way you can get in there is by going through a firehouse

[43:15] we're like fireman work not the house that's on fire throughout all of

[43:18] synecdoche new york not that house at all

[43:20] so this is uh... where you realize oh this is why they're playing the doors

[43:25] because they're trying to open a door

[43:27] which is they keep saying break on through to the other side because guess what satan's

[43:30] trying to do

[43:31] he's trying to lover madly he's trying to mojo rising

[43:37] it is

[43:38] the dumbest use of a song

[43:40] i think when they were all singing time is on my side in what was it called

[43:44] ascension? no i think the dumbest use of a song is still that love scene in the

[43:49] watchmen movie when they sang hallelujah yeah that was pretty bad

[43:53] that's the worst thing i've ever seen

[43:57] so

[43:58] they go to the apartment building where some stuff happens and

[44:02] there's this great scene where they're in that bar behind the

[44:05] firehouse and the priest is like dude you wanna hear some fucking crazy shit

[44:10] and he's like i don't want to hear your band bro

[44:12] so he pulls out his fucking zune

[44:15] it's called stigmata and it's a totally cool christian rock band

[44:18] crucifictorius

[44:20] he pulls out his zune and eric banna pops in those fucking earbuds and he hits play

[44:24] and whoa he listens to audio of a real exorcism

[44:30] super scary it's much scarier than listening to audio of a real circumcision

[44:34] which is just a baby crying and someone spouting hebrew and everyone in the

[44:38] family look it away

[44:40] you don't look at it?

[44:42] well here's the thing and this will make me sound like a monster

[44:44] when my son was circumcised

[44:46] everyone else was kind of horrified and looked away but i wanted to see how this

[44:49] worked so i was watching the whole time and i found it fascinating

[44:53] and i was like that's what they did to my penis when i was a baby

[44:56] chopped off half of it right? not half they take out a tiny guillotine and they

[45:01] just cut it in half

[45:02] like a little cigar chopper? there is like a little cigar chopper

[45:06] that they use in part of it

[45:07] unless someone write in and tell me if i used a very unprofessional moyle

[45:11] uh... but anyway that's a groucho marx impression

[45:15] uh... there's a

[45:16] he took the foreskin and waggled it like a cigar

[45:21] and said hello i must be going and then just flicked it out the window and i was

[45:24] like that's biological waste groucho marx style of duck tails?

[45:29] what?

[45:32] soup tails? tailspin? you're thinking of brain donors anyway

[45:36] moving along

[45:38] uh... they go to a building where

[45:41] the

[45:42] the abusive husband from before who's now turned into a full-on beast man

[45:46] and i forgot to say that earlier

[45:47] he attacked

[45:49] eric banna and then

[45:50] and then uh... all fours galloped away through a window like uh... like uh...

[45:55] leave schreiber in wolverine and uh...

[45:58] they

[45:59] they fight that guy and meanwhile

[46:01] joel mccale has the misfortune of falling afoul of

[46:06] santino

[46:07] who in one of the most

[46:09] lazy fights i've seen in a long time

[46:12] uh... it's axe versus knife and santino just kinda like

[46:16] hits him with an axe a lot and joel mccale just gives up at a certain point

[46:19] yep yeah

[46:20] it's just it's like it's time for my character to die just stand up joel mccale

[46:25] literally just stand up if dan harman's back on community it's time for me to go

[46:29] yep

[46:30] chevy left

[46:31] okay i'm done with this movie i'll go back to that

[46:33] and uh...

[46:35] yeah i like the idea it's like

[46:36] write me out

[46:37] with the screenwriter just on set

[46:40] you're in the end of the movie take a big fight or something take me out of the fight

[46:44] it was all that about your whole arc there's all the foreshadowing with you

[46:47] and that knife why would we put that in if not to use it later whatever

[46:51] whatever i don't know

[46:52] but uh... six seasons of the movie

[46:54] at this point i was not sure why those evil characters were hanging around that

[46:58] building still

[46:59] the villains in this movie tend to like

[47:02] hang around in places they think the heroes will show up in and then attack

[47:06] the heroes and then run away

[47:08] it's kinda like how occasionally taking a bite

[47:10] of eric banana

[47:11] eric banana gets bitten a couple times

[47:13] it's like how in the timberton batman the first one

[47:16] batman's bat plane crashes into a building that all the joker's henchmen

[47:20] just happen to already be hiding in

[47:22] to be ready to fight batman

[47:23] like he's in a level from a video game

[47:27] well i mean like gotham city at that point was lousy with the joker henchmen

[47:31] so you're saying every building in the city had some joker henchmen in it just in case

[47:34] yeah i mean he converted the populace pretty quickly

[47:38] look at all these great wilson's leather jackets i get to wear

[47:42] throwing a lot of money

[47:43] there's a lot of money

[47:45] batman

[47:46] i'm giving out free money now who do you trust and it's like

[47:49] well i mean i like you more because you give me money i still don't trust you

[47:52] you're a hideous clown man

[47:54] conjured up a parade out of nowhere with like a big duck float or something

[47:58] and now you're throwing horrifying balloons i've ever seen

[48:02] to be honest you destroyed the art gallery those were priceless paintings

[48:06] except for the francis bacon of all things a painting nobody likes

[48:10] and that the idea that

[48:11] i gave you money so you trust me right no if anything i'm kind of wondering where

[48:15] this money came from it seems kind of shady but i like that you gave me money

[48:18] and it probably smells weird

[48:21] oh sure it's not because joker keeps it in his armpit you know like smilex or

[48:25] whatever it's well does the money have smilex on it i don't remember

[48:28] the balloons have smilex in them okay should just put on the money

[48:32] yeah

[48:33] then they're gonna grab that money and smear it all over them because that's

[48:36] what you do with money when it flies off of a parade float you just smear it on your face

[48:39] yeah like oh god so good

[48:42] oh am i pretty now mother like a perfume sample yeah exactly

[48:48] that's like when you walk through a mall and they're just spraying money at you

[48:50] everyone you're like stop it

[48:52] mmm i smell like everyone's pants pocket

[48:57] smell like the inside of an automated teller machine like a clown's handkerchief

[49:02] clowns hanky is a is a perfume that i'd like to see them sell it

[49:07] from Calvin Klein Calvin Klein Calvin Klein

[49:12] I'm missing all the obvious ones tonight

[49:17] Calvin Clown would show that one

[49:21] anyway uh he's the he's unhappy he's been losing it getting mad at his family

[49:27] Eric Bana he has a wife and a daughter we haven't really mentioned it

[49:30] Eric Bana is supposed to be spending too much time at work but we clearly saw him

[49:33] attending his daughter's soccer game earlier so I don't know what that's all

[49:36] about

[49:36] so he's a good dad soccer dad he comes he finds out that his wife and daughter have been

[49:40] kidnapped by Santino he is not happy and stealing a card from seven and other

[49:45] movies that are too lazy to have the hero actually find the villain

[49:49] Santino just shows up in Eric Bana's house because it's time for act 3 and

[49:53] tells him

[49:54] hey will you let a demon inside you because then I'll tell you where your

[49:57] wife and daughter is

[49:58] he says no and arrests Santino

[50:00] Now, Santino is no longer putting up a fight.

[50:02] He's not biting anybody except himself

[50:04] for the rest of the movie

[50:05] because the devil is very conscious of plot structure

[50:08] and how much time is left in the movie

[50:10] and that it's act three now, we got to get moving.

[50:13] They have an exorcism in an interrogation room

[50:16] and frankly, I was thinking while you're watching it,

[50:18] it would be a pretty neat concept

[50:20] to have an exorcism done at like a police interrogation

[50:23] where the priest and the cop are acting good cop, bad cop,

[50:26] but they're not.

[50:27] It's just your standard interrogation scene.

[50:28] They yell a lot of Latin prayers at him

[50:30] while he just screams and it,

[50:32] like the lights flicker on and off

[50:33] and he bites his own leg

[50:35] and then he extends his neck back for no reason.

[50:37] This is where I started.

[50:38] And he's got lots of words carved into him.

[50:41] You know, like Zaz.

[50:42] Like Zaz, but with words.

[50:44] It's like if Zaz meets Memento

[50:46] in a movie I like to call

[50:48] The Murderer and the Memory Man.

[50:50] This is where I started dozing off.

[50:53] Was there ever any payoff to like the other cop

[50:55] who came and like looked in the window

[50:57] and he's like, what the hell?

[50:58] There's some sort of exorcism going on there.

[50:59] He just said what the fuck a couple of times.

[51:01] Oh, so I skipped over part, I apologize.

[51:02] Maybe there's a post-credit scene we didn't see.

[51:04] Yeah, a stinger.

[51:05] We find where he's waiting and he's like,

[51:06] guys, are you gonna book this guy or what?

[51:09] Somebody let me out of this interrogation.

[51:12] I've lost my key.

[51:13] I mean, it really seemed like the next scene

[51:14] was like him like breaking in with a bunch of other cops

[51:17] to shut down this rogue exorcism that was going on.

[51:19] That would have made sense.

[51:21] That didn't happen.

[51:22] But then he saw, I guess, the real exorcism

[51:24] and he was like, gotta go.

[51:25] I forgot, there's a part where Mendoza, after-

[51:29] The drug dealer.

[51:31] After Joel McHale is killed,

[51:33] Eric Bana reveals to Mendoza, the drug dealing priest,

[51:36] that there's a darkness in his soul

[51:39] and he's had it ever since he, when he was off duty once,

[51:43] he knew that there was a child killer on the loose.

[51:46] And where the desk sergeant is giving everyone

[51:49] their assignment, he goes, this guy's,

[51:50] he's had 11 counts of child assault

[51:53] and now two accounts of child murder.

[51:56] So, go out and get this guy off the streets.

[51:59] And it's like, how do you know he did so many things with us?

[52:01] Have you, I mean, catch him.

[52:03] But where Eric Bana walks by a crime scene

[52:07] where a six-year-old girl has been killed

[52:09] and stuffed in a garbage can,

[52:10] thus producing the second of the garbage bale-

[52:13] Talks about a garbage bale kid.

[52:15] As Stuart said.

[52:16] It's okay, they're fictional characters, it's not real.

[52:18] Eric Bana, even though he was out with his family,

[52:20] he notices that he's so horrified by the crime scene

[52:22] and then he recognizes the killer

[52:24] has shown up to be a spectator.

[52:26] He chases after him and then just punches him to death.

[52:29] He is not brought up on charges, I guess.

[52:31] He gives him full street justice.

[52:33] And the thing is, the movie goes so,

[52:35] like, they bring this up in the first place

[52:38] because it's supposed to be something that haunts him,

[52:40] like some sin that is haunting him.

[52:42] And so this image that he's been,

[52:44] that's been flashing in his memory

[52:46] is the bloody face this guy killed

[52:47] and the laughter of the children who are at the scene.

[52:49] But they make no effort to actually make it seem

[52:52] like he did anything wrong in this case.

[52:54] Like, they made this guy clearly out to be

[52:56] some kind of demon monster.

[52:58] He's the worst of the worst.

[52:59] He's a child killer, child rapist.

[53:01] It's like how in Rambo, just to make sure

[53:03] you're not on board with the leader of the evil

[53:06] Burmese military guys, they also make him a pedophile.

[53:10] Like, they've stacked the deck so far in favor of

[53:13] you not really caring that Eric Bana killed somebody

[53:16] because he's the evilest man that ever lived, you know.

[53:18] This side of Santini, the devil man.

[53:21] And Mendoza's like, I absolve you of your sin.

[53:25] Because the worst sin of all is not loving your children.

[53:29] Hi, I'm Paul, I'm Patrick Duffy.

[53:32] I'm Paul Duffy.

[53:33] I'm Paul Dano.

[53:34] I'm Brian Dano.

[53:35] I'm Paul Dano from There Will Be Blood,

[53:37] where the guy abandoned his boy.

[53:39] Pretty bad, right?

[53:40] He was not a good dad.

[53:41] He was a bad dad.

[53:42] Much like Gerard Butler in the movie,

[53:44] Bad Dad, Soccer Dad.

[53:46] Don't be like that.

[53:47] Be a good dad.

[53:48] I'm Paul Dano.

[53:49] The more you know.

[53:52] My name's Paul Dano.

[53:52] I'd like to change my name officially to Paul Dado.

[53:55] Just to show how much I support dads.

[53:59] Hi, I'm Patrick Duffy.

[54:02] Star of Step by Step and other things too.

[54:05] And I'm here to talk to you about dads.

[54:09] Have one today.

[54:10] I'm considering changing my name to Dadrick Duffy.

[54:13] To Patrick Daddy.

[54:14] But that would be creepy.

[54:16] Hello.

[54:17] Because then people would call me Mr. Daddy

[54:19] when I showed up at hotels.

[54:20] And that's weird.

[54:21] Hey Dan.

[54:22] Hello, I'm P. Diddy.

[54:23] He's a celebrity with the initials P.D.

[54:26] Gotta go.

[54:27] Not even gonna change his name to P. Daddy?

[54:29] It's right there.

[54:30] Or Penis Department.

[54:32] Penis Diddy.

[54:33] Hi, I'm Penis Diddy.

[54:35] A song about a penis that goes like this.

[54:37] Diddy, diddy, diddy.

[54:38] Whoa.

[54:44] Hi, my name's Daddy Duchovny.

[54:46] I'm David Duchovny's dad.

[54:48] And I'd like to talk to you about being a dad.

[54:53] Welcome to my new show, The D Files.

[54:55] The D does not stand for dad.

[54:57] It stands for dick.

[54:58] I'm a member of the NYPD.

[54:59] Not the New York Penis Department.

[55:01] The New York Police Dicks.

[55:03] We solve penis-related crimes using only our penises.

[55:10] Let me stop this tape right there.

[55:11] Are the rest of these NBC public service promos

[55:14] all about penises?

[55:16] Yeah, we got out of the horror movie business

[55:19] because that pitch we did about the hair

[55:21] and the eyeballs didn't go so well.

[55:22] We got into this.

[55:24] They seem to be working along that

[55:25] cop plus not a cop formula.

[55:27] In this case, it's penis, not a penis.

[55:30] And dads are involved somehow.

[55:32] Well, absentee fathers are a major problem.

[55:34] But what does that have to do with penises?

[55:36] You can't be a dad without a penis.

[55:38] Let's just get one thing straight.

[55:39] Please leave my office.

[55:41] So anyway, there's a whole,

[55:48] so he has that sin because he killed that guy.

[55:52] They have the whole exorcism.

[55:53] It goes on for a long time.

[55:55] And it is one of these things where,

[55:56] here's what I'm just gonna say.

[55:57] And you know what?

[55:59] This might be controversial.

[56:00] I'll allow it.

[56:01] Thank you.

[56:02] You don't even have to go on.

[56:03] I've always thought exorcisms are not scary

[56:06] because I don't believe in that religion.

[56:09] And I don't buy into that basic premise.

[56:12] But they're especially not scary

[56:13] because here's how an exorcism goes.

[56:16] A demon is restrained in some way.

[56:18] It's yelling at you.

[56:20] You yell back at it, and eventually it leaves.

[56:23] You're like, get out of here, demon.

[56:25] Go, get, skedaddle.

[56:27] So like essentially,

[56:27] Get along, little demon.

[56:29] Kind of.

[56:30] In the name of Christ, go away.

[56:31] And the demon's like, ooh, you got me.

[56:33] I didn't know you knew the Jesus trick.

[56:35] I didn't realize you knew that the enemy of demons

[56:38] is the most famous religious figure on the planet.

[56:41] Gotta go, I guess.

[56:42] But you deal with a demon the same way you deal with

[56:44] like a homeless man under your window who won't go away,

[56:48] who's yelling really loud,

[56:49] where you go, hey, go away, go away.

[56:52] And then he does.

[56:53] So this demon is never a threat to them in this scene.

[56:57] And they defeat him.

[56:58] They manage to expunge the demon.

[57:00] They expel him.

[57:01] And then they find his wife and daughter.

[57:04] Turns out they were with the paint truck.

[57:07] And they have another baby.

[57:09] And Mendoza baptizes the baby.

[57:11] And they go, do you reject Satan and all his evil

[57:13] or whatever?

[57:14] And Eric Bana, he might as well have looked

[57:16] at the damn camera.

[57:17] Goes, yes.

[57:18] And he totally winks.

[57:20] And then the credits roll.

[57:21] Big twist ending.

[57:22] He rejects Satan.

[57:23] This twist ending is that he doesn't turn evil, yes.

[57:26] Yeah, if only the end credits played

[57:28] with like, pleased to meet you.

[57:31] Sympathy for the devil.

[57:32] Sympathy for the devil, you mean?

[57:33] Sympathy for the devil.

[57:35] Pleased to meet you.

[57:36] Pleased to meet you, I'm the devil.

[57:37] Because I like to call songs by just random lines

[57:39] that are in them.

[57:41] That is not the, that is the most well-known line

[57:43] in that song.

[57:44] You remember, but it's not the name of the song.

[57:46] You know that, you know that great Billy Joel song,

[57:48] Harry Truman, Dara's Day?

[57:51] Mr. Maloney down on Mulligan Street.

[57:57] I'm moving up.

[58:00] Moving up, yeah.

[58:02] So, this is time to make our final judgments

[58:06] on this movie.

[58:07] Was it totally scarifying, totally snorifying,

[58:10] or frighteningly funny?

[58:11] In my case, it was literally snorifying.

[58:13] It literally put you to sleep.

[58:14] I'm gonna invent a new category called,

[58:16] category, category.

[58:17] I'm gonna invent a new category called,

[58:20] grossly goopifying.

[58:22] Because it was a really gory, gross movie.

[58:24] And I have to admit, it was part of me that like,

[58:26] it was a little too gory at times.

[58:28] But it, like, it was disgusting.

[58:30] But it was like.

[58:31] Yeah, upset your little tummy.

[58:32] It's like, my tummy was like,

[58:33] good thing there's only Popeye's fried chicken

[58:36] in here, because that's like,

[58:36] having a velvet pillow, or silk shawls in here.

[58:41] It's so soft.

[58:42] Otherwise, I might be bazooking all over the place.

[58:44] But, in fact, to see, I haven't seen a lot of

[58:47] modern horror movies that are actually like,

[58:49] grossed out movies.

[58:51] They're usually just jump out and scare you movies,

[58:53] or they're like, sadistic torture movies.

[58:55] And it was nice to see a movie that had some

[58:57] gross, gory stuff in it.

[58:58] But, almost all the scares were just like,

[59:01] quiet, quiet, quiet, boom, a thing jumped at you.

[59:03] And that got very repetitive.

[59:04] It was a very, like, generic movie.

[59:07] It felt very stitched together from other horror movies.

[59:10] Yeah.

[59:11] Though it did have a great scene where a crazy lady

[59:12] kills a doctor, and then walks toward the camera

[59:15] holding the ring of keys in her mouth like a puppy.

[59:17] I forgot about that.

[59:18] Yeah, Jane escapes, merely so that she can

[59:21] jump off a building in front of Eric Bana's car.

[59:23] And Eric Bana acts, reacts to this like,

[59:26] nothing, like someone threw a can in the street.

[59:28] Eric Bana's reactions to most things in this movie

[59:31] are like, oh, I guess I got another dead body on my hands.

[59:34] You have the most apathetic cop versus

[59:38] the most apathetic demon-controlled man.

[59:40] They're both kinda like, whatever, okay.

[59:44] But I forgot the part where Jane escapes.

[59:46] She kills the doctor who came to bring her some lunch,

[59:49] I guess, and yeah, she crawls out with the keys

[59:51] in her mouth and her eyes wide open,

[59:52] staring at the camera like, are you buying this?

[59:55] And everyone in this movie would be scarier

[59:58] if they didn't have a lot of goopy clown pants.

[1:00:00] on their face but it's like it's hard for me to believe these as real people

[1:00:04] who were possessed by a demon when they're already painted up like a

[1:00:07] fucking juggalo yes so Stuart what was your judgment uh what are the fun

[1:00:13] categories again you saw it was snore fine okay I was snore flying with a dash

[1:00:19] of goopy gross googly oh yeah go for guys it's a camp sing-along yeah yeah

[1:00:26] go eat worms so what's the next part of this podcast delivers for me we do

[1:00:32] everything we leave what do we do now well now the computer and we leave turn

[1:00:36] on the lights letters from listeners before is this the part where one of us

[1:00:40] kisses you Dan and you have your eyes closed you have to guess which one of us

[1:00:43] it is wait were you not recording those all this time you said it was the most

[1:00:47] popular part of the podcast you went immediately towards that you jump to

[1:00:52] that so quickly there's no evidence for that well I knew it all the time I was

[1:00:59] just in it for the anonymous kisses which is also the name of my erotica pen

[1:01:03] name anonymous kisses my backstory is that he's Greek for you to normal

[1:01:12] letters I want to thank some people for sending us gifts the first is for me

[1:01:17] they're always for you I rarely get gifts which is fine I'm not I'm not

[1:01:21] fishing for gifts it's a gift from Lawrence Allen who writes hi Dan I

[1:01:26] didn't know what to get you but then I remember that you like butts about them

[1:01:30] anyway hang in there buddy the thought may be pulling for you from Lawrence

[1:01:35] Allen and yummy Tinto brass is cheeky Oh a classic movie about butts from that I

[1:01:42] admit that I'm already familiar with but now I'm glad to own a copy display it

[1:01:47] proudly in your home mm-hmm the unrated English version so so would you call

[1:01:52] Tinto brass the poet laureate of butts I would call it's amazing how some

[1:01:59] directors have themes Alfred Hitchcock's would often be like the fear of being

[1:02:03] accused of a crime you didn't commit and Francis Ford Cove those would be what

[1:02:08] like that Jack was too old for his age and Steven Spielberg is often about the

[1:02:14] wonder of innocence and childhood and Tinto brass is his butts mm-hmm I mean

[1:02:18] there's so many movies out there about subjects that don't there aren't worth a

[1:02:22] movie being about like you know a cop doing exorcisms or something mm-hmm

[1:02:26] finally there's a movie out there about something that is an endless source of

[1:02:31] yeah celebration of the pinnacle of human existence yeah uh is it a

[1:02:37] coincidence that his last name has ass in it Tinto brass what do you mean like

[1:02:42] if it's a coincidence it's like I don't know what's a coincidence very different

[1:02:51] from Tinto brass I want it nope done with Tinto jokes I wonder what the

[1:02:57] actual Italian name of this movie is I assume it's I assume that she probably

[1:03:04] not like whatever is Italian for butts yeah so thank you very much Lauren

[1:03:12] backstage with Tinto brass you know what that means mm-hmm

[1:03:18] but yeah what else you got there Dan this goes like this okay says dear

[1:03:25] peaches happy Shocktober the flop house is my favorite bad movie podcast by a

[1:03:30] wide margin you three have brought me so much joy I thought I was only right to

[1:03:33] give something back in the form of handmade accessories bow ties to be

[1:03:38] exact I'm not a doctor who fan I actually hate that show the gray owl

[1:03:42] bow ties for Elliot because of his know-it-all tendencies and they were and

[1:03:47] how they remind me of a cartoon owl oh thanks the multicolored one is for

[1:03:52] Stuart because it is the most spooks per square inch okay the glow-in-the-dark

[1:03:56] spiderweb bow ties cuz I'm I don't know like an international guy wait why

[1:04:02] national guy catalog your best source for dudes I'm a cosmopolitan fellow yeah

[1:04:09] the glow-in-the-dark spiderweb bow ties for Dan because Dan is my favorite I

[1:04:13] wanted him after the coolest one well thank you

[1:04:15] owls are pretty cool stay spooky fellas yours truly Liz middle name young

[1:04:20] without young PS if you wanted to plug my bowtie store subtle stitchery Etsy

[1:04:26] calm that would be cool subtle stitchery yeah subtle stitchery that

[1:04:32] Etsy calm thanks for the bow ties thank you even though they were a way of just

[1:04:36] having us mention your business what do we start Jones at her wedding should we

[1:04:41] take some pictures of us tying each other up erotically with these bow ties

[1:04:45] I don't think we should do that oh and they're uh they're the easy type of bow

[1:04:48] tie you don't have to good you don't have to spend a lot to get them in the

[1:04:51] sack yeah there you go just take him to like a McDonald's or put a little bit of

[1:04:59] effort into it like a Chuck E. Cheesers Chuck E. Cheesers mm-hmm

[1:05:04] Chuck E. Teasers so uh Stewart when do your business card start saying

[1:05:09] cosmopolitan fellow because they should put this bow tie on my new Twitter even

[1:05:15] though this is the easy kind I'm still having trouble with it yeah I think my

[1:05:18] neck is too fat I think I think all these bow ties were made a little too

[1:05:23] slim on the neck to make us feel bad or to strangle us to death I got it and I

[1:05:28] gotta tighten it up those flop guys all right there you go this is the music you

[1:05:33] tighten up bow ties to okay how's mine look Dan this is great it's amazing I

[1:05:39] look like a genius owl this is a great podcasting so everyone who's listening

[1:05:43] can see us with our bow ties on right yeah Dan what do we read another letter

[1:05:47] or something hold on I gotta get out of my pocket well great producing this is

[1:05:54] why we want all those potties which is not a word for podcast but a word for

[1:05:59] things that belong in the toilet I do like to feel this bow tie though looks

[1:06:07] good on you it matches your polo shirt yeah yeah I guess it does it doesn't go

[1:06:13] very well with your newspaper boy cap no it doesn't which is turned backwards

[1:06:17] cuz it's cuz I'm cool like Joe Pantoliano so this first one goes like

[1:06:22] this dear flopsy mopsy and cottontail about six months after listening to

[1:06:27] episode 155 I saw a copy of Las Vegas in the dollar bin dollar bin at the grocery

[1:06:33] store I was delighted to see that your critique I was delighted to see that

[1:06:40] your critique of this walking Viagra pill was spot-on given your obvious

[1:06:44] ability to tell the future I have a role-playing slash choose your own

[1:06:47] adventure question for each of you and if you couldn't be the titular hero and

[1:06:52] would still be titular if she was called but see the vampire slayer which there's

[1:06:58] gotta be something called that already which character in the Buffy Whedon

[1:07:02] verse is most like you Elliot leaving aside Spidey Parker which character in

[1:07:07] the Marvel make money hand over fist universe is most like you do if you

[1:07:12] couldn't be one of the power triumvirate of Luke Leia Han which character in the

[1:07:15] Star Wars Marvel more money than God universe is most like you now I'd say

[1:07:20] that I'm sort of a combo Xander Giles I combined I don't know these characters I

[1:07:28] combined the underappreciated love ability yet no one cares about him miss

[1:07:37] of Xander and the tweety just disapproval of Giles okay I'll take your

[1:07:43] word for it I don't know that show that well you know I think that's fair I'd

[1:07:46] like to think that if I'm not like a MODOK type yeah well I'd like to think

[1:07:52] that if I'm not spider-man I'm like Nightcrawler or Beast but I'm probably

[1:07:55] MODOK just a little guy in a chair complaining about stuff and designed

[1:08:00] only for killing I mean I think I think it's pretty clear I think if I was in

[1:08:06] the Star Wars universe I would be the you know the eternal best friend and

[1:08:12] hype man Greedo Chewbacca okay Stu Baca stupid that's interesting

[1:08:19] I have a large size Chewbacca I also know how to use I'm proficient in

[1:08:24] bowcaster use I did we have a large Chewbacca toy at home that my son Sammy

[1:08:30] likes to play with and lately he's been putting his old shoes on it mm-hmm so I

[1:08:33] realized my son has invented his first pun Chewbacca nice I'm very proud of him

[1:08:40] this next letter is along these lines exactly because you're reading it

[1:08:46] dearest peaches for years my father has been insisting that I watch the Wayans

[1:08:51] brothers dwarf slash cat burglar movie a little man it has become a running joke

[1:08:55] for us premise stolen from a Warner Brothers cartoon but it is based in his

[1:08:59] genuine affection for the piece I recently gave him the criterion edition

[1:09:03] of Kiru for his birthday I think it's falling on deaf ears and he refuses to

[1:09:08] watch it with me unless I watched little man alone first my way he wants you to

[1:09:13] watch it alone not even with him because he doesn't want to like fuck up your

[1:09:16] experience I want to bias it yeah he loves it so much he's gonna be saying

[1:09:20] all the lines along at the same time he's gonna be slapping him on like

[1:09:23] going watch this part watch this part he's gonna get up and start play acting

[1:09:28] like no theater my resistance might break soon Dan I assume they've shown

[1:09:34] this movie on planes is it really that bad what should I do Brian last name

[1:09:37] with L I've never I've not seen little man does anyone see I remember the

[1:09:46] trailer yeah I remember seeing the trailer and saying that was the plot of

[1:09:49] a Bugs Bunny cartoon sir and you are no Bugs Bunny and you Wayans are no Bugs

[1:09:56] Bunny but yeah I haven't seen it I've seen little

[1:10:00] mandate

[1:10:01] yeah i've seen a little big man

[1:10:03] and as the same movie we will be seen as a

[1:10:06] i've seen big trouble in little man china cement on fire

[1:10:10] little man i wish i was watching dan on fire the move where dan

[1:10:14] takes revenge

[1:10:15] all by sending a grenade in somebody's but it was a bit of fire was a very

[1:10:19] happy with the other is not a good thing to do

[1:10:21] that's the weaker dan is the movement said it was a good thing to do with

[1:10:25] was policemen inside and they haven't had a lot of time

[1:10:29] still killing me one bring back again and i

[1:10:32] that's true that's true over it sells pretty well on the farmers market

[1:10:36] stewart wellington's got their money

[1:10:39] it's all far and fresh

[1:10:42] uh... so

[1:10:45] and see little man

[1:10:47] and what to tell you

[1:10:48] when one of them flop contest i think your dad might not be the right person

[1:10:51] watch it here it was as brilliant a movie as it is

[1:10:54] so last letter of the evening your floppers

[1:10:57] well listening through archived episodes i've been delighted again and again by

[1:11:02] all the references to fantasm

[1:11:04] you see

[1:11:05] my father was a fantasm and i was a kid

[1:11:07] and hasn't back before i'd ever heard of it uh... anyone but him

[1:11:11] that friday ever heard anyone but him talk about the movie

[1:11:15] as a result it is the first four film i can ever remember saying

[1:11:18] and i thought it quite a tender age

[1:11:20] the first time i ever saw a vcr in my life was when my father rented one

[1:11:24] just to watch a tape of phantasm he had acquired

[1:11:27] he recorded some audio

[1:11:30] he recorded some audio

[1:11:35] uh... he recorded some audio from it specifically the sequence leading up to

[1:11:38] the famous cry of boy

[1:11:41] and later use that tape for atmosphere as he passed out halloween candy

[1:11:45] he even had my fifth birthday not just like during dinner

[1:11:48] to wake you up in the morning or anything

[1:11:51] you eat a good dinner boy

[1:11:54] now do your chores

[1:11:55] he even had my fifth birthday cake inscribed

[1:11:58] you play a good game girl

[1:12:00] this would have been in november nineteen seventy nine

[1:12:03] i think that reference fell on deaf ears i'm including links to two photos of my

[1:12:07] fifth birthday cake

[1:12:08] one including me my clothing should prove it was the late nineteen seventies

[1:12:11] and one just with a cake and it's fantastic glory if you're not holding up that day's newspaper

[1:12:15] then i don't know

[1:12:17] and she has a p.s. i graduated from earlham college in nineteen ninety six which i think

[1:12:20] means i'm probably a little too old to have met the earlhamite floppers there

[1:12:24] and that was when i graduated from high school

[1:12:26] so uh... we just missed each other i was still in high school but i didn't go to earlham

[1:12:30] i was probably swimming in my dad's ball sack back then in nineteen ninety six?

[1:12:35] that doesn't make any sense

[1:12:37] this is from heatherlastnamewithheld

[1:12:40] unless you had some sort of an inner space accident

[1:12:43] and were injected into it

[1:12:46] so i have the photos from heatherlastnamewithheld and they're quite adorable

[1:12:50] the phantasm cake with a five-year-old girl

[1:12:54] what's weird is that everything else in the party room is

[1:12:58] peanuts themed

[1:12:59] it's all snoopy

[1:13:02] so i guess a lot of people at the party were like i don't remember snoopy saying that

[1:13:07] it's not a famous line well originally angus grim was going to play snoopy and then they

[1:13:11] just got snoopy the dog to play snoopy good grief boy so i guess charlie brown says good

[1:13:16] grief i feel like if you hadn't already met your soulmate heather might be the girl for

[1:13:21] you or at least your dad

[1:13:25] so what i'm doing with my son in spider-man

[1:13:29] he's doing with his daughter in phantasm

[1:13:33] similar

[1:13:34] although i have been teaching my son to say ghostbusters in response to who you gonna call

[1:13:38] he really likes the ghostbusters song we've been dancing to it a lot at home and i asked him who you gonna call

[1:13:43] and i can see him struggling to remember it like it's on the tip of his tongue and i go

[1:13:47] ghostbusters and he goes yeah

[1:13:53] i mean well at least he's learned the lesson

[1:13:55] whether or not he can express it himself that's true he knows it

[1:13:59] he knows it when he hears it this is why you have kids

[1:14:03] to force your interests upon them

[1:14:05] until they rebel against them

[1:14:07] he's gonna be like this is the ghostbusters from my generation dad they're women does that frighten you

[1:14:13] and i'll be like no

[1:14:16] uh... so

[1:14:17] is your childhood ruined dad

[1:14:20] and you're like son your voice is so deep

[1:14:23] you play a good game dad the more you know

[1:14:28] uh... i'm angus scrim for dadtasm

[1:14:34] p-daddy is my name

[1:14:36] p standing for phantasm

[1:14:40] then my pd is the new york phantasm daddies

[1:14:44] if there was the new york phantasm department stewart you would run out and apply for that right away

[1:14:49] the mayor would say i'd start growing my own mustache to be a fresh recruit

[1:14:55] so you can be one of three things you can be a kid an ice cream man or an orb

[1:15:00] you're just out there on the new york streets with a baseball bat swatting orbs out of the sky

[1:15:07] catching the occasional robed dwarf

[1:15:10] get out of here you stupid phantasm orbs

[1:15:13] even the streets safe

[1:15:15] that mother is strong

[1:15:17] for a long time the policy was you just bought the orb a ticket

[1:15:21] a bus ticket to boston and just send it on its way

[1:15:26] we don't like your kind around here

[1:15:31] imagining the orb just like floating above the seat

[1:15:35] moving along with the bus you see this baseball bat this means not welcome

[1:15:40] and then there's an orb in the rain with its hair slicked down it's a coward

[1:15:47] so you're comparing the jewish character in school ties to some sort of inhuman killer metal orb

[1:15:55] i don't know how this became the most anti-semitic podcast in the world

[1:16:01] that gizmo is working for hitler and the orb from phantasm are jews

[1:16:06] saying that's revisionist history

[1:16:09] should we recommend things now dan? and then we bring this to a blessed end

[1:16:12] how we talk so long about this stuff

[1:16:16] this is the part of the podcast where we make recommendations

[1:16:19] of movies that you should watch instead of what we watch

[1:16:22] because we spent like twenty minutes putting on our bow ties

[1:16:27] podcast magic

[1:16:28] uh... and uh...

[1:16:30] you know you're going to jam some movie knowledge in somebody's ear dan

[1:16:34] uh... yeah i'm going to recommend jing-chiki

[1:16:38] i mean yeah fill it up dude yeah i mean my number one recommendation is cheeky

[1:16:42] but if uh... you want a shocktober recommendation

[1:16:46] i just uh... recently on

[1:16:47] watched cheeky while wearing a ghost costume

[1:16:53] i just recently watched on netflix streaming hellbound hellraiser 2

[1:16:57] which i had

[1:16:59] no expectations for and

[1:17:01] wound up loving it

[1:17:02] it's totally crazy it's super crazy it starts off like with a skinless man

[1:17:07] being stretched apart and it doesn't slow down from there

[1:17:11] uh... there's a scene with a guy using a razor to cut bugs off of him

[1:17:15] and then like later on the hero goes through a psycho ward into a crazy

[1:17:20] alternate universe alice in wonderland

[1:17:22] pinhead world did clint barker direct that one

[1:17:25] i don't think so

[1:17:26] no i looked it up he did not direct it

[1:17:29] which means that it's a little more coherent than hellraiser even though

[1:17:33] it's still totally nutty

[1:17:35] and uh... that's i think that's how it was uh...

[1:17:38] how it was advertised was uh...

[1:17:40] more coherent than hellraiser but still totally nutty

[1:17:43] tons of nuts

[1:17:47] like a fucking payday

[1:17:51] sometimes you feel like this movie

[1:17:54] sometimes you don't

[1:17:55] i was saying to stew that uh...

[1:17:58] in the

[1:17:59] eighties there were a uh...

[1:18:01] a whole school of

[1:18:03] horror movies that were kind of this fantasy horror movie

[1:18:07] uh... like uh... some of the later

[1:18:09] nightmare on elm street or

[1:18:11] fantasm as it went along jfk where uh...

[1:18:15] uh...

[1:18:17] and

[1:18:18] and you know another clive parker film nightbreed

[1:18:22] but uh... movies where

[1:18:24] it's all about like crazy dream imagery like

[1:18:27] horrific dream imagery

[1:18:28] and uh... that's kind of a type of horror movie that you don't see

[1:18:32] anymore that sort of

[1:18:34] crossover horror fantasy uh... just zaniness

[1:18:37] and uh... i miss it

[1:18:39] horror is a lot more earthbound and grimy

[1:18:42] yeah also it's the uh... i mean those movies were expensive

[1:18:46] when they made them and now people realize like oh just give me a fucking camcorder

[1:18:50] and i can make a found footage movie give me a laptop and i can make an

[1:18:54] unfriended four or whatever yeah that's true i think that yeah there's a

[1:18:57] there's a there was a sense for a while that

[1:18:59] maybe they're like similar to uh...

[1:19:02] it's not exactly the same but similar to like

[1:19:04] punk stripping away all the excess and weirdness of

[1:19:08] seventies rock

[1:19:09] that like the the types of movies that were more like

[1:19:11] either found footage or torture porn were like stripping back to the elements

[1:19:15] and maybe it's time that that pendulum swing back in the other direction yeah

[1:19:19] except for i don't think i would like the new version of it because these old

[1:19:21] movies had such beautiful practical effects and i feel like if they did a

[1:19:24] new version of that it would look like tim burns alice in wonderland it'd be like

[1:19:27] crimson peak which comes out this weekend yeah i guess crimson peak is

[1:19:31] that kind of movie supposedly i haven't seen it because it hasn't come out yet

[1:19:34] anyway watch it

[1:19:36] you can see it on netflix

[1:19:37] streaming

[1:19:38] streaming indeed now for people who haven't seen the first hellraiser would you say

[1:19:41] it'll be totally lost

[1:19:44] none of those movies make any sense you can jump right into this his story checks out

[1:19:50] that's how we know he's not a pinhead trying to trick us

[1:19:54] uh... i don't have a shocktober recommendation i just have a regular one

[1:19:57] good i have an awesome sloptober

[1:20:00] I'm going to recommend a Shocktober spookifying scare-em-up called Deathgasm, available on

[1:20:12] VOD right now.

[1:20:14] Deathgasm is a splatter horror comedy from New Zealand that clearly has a lot of love

[1:20:27] for early Sam Raimi and Peter Jackson, and even some Edgar Wright stuff, and it's about

[1:20:34] a pair of metalhead dudes who get together and they form a heavy metal band, and by playing

[1:20:42] a song that they find in a weird abandoned house, they summon a demon from hell, and

[1:20:49] then they have to kill a bunch of demons in the process, and it has a lot of practical

[1:20:54] special effects, it's gross, it's funny, and it's got a lot of good heavy metal music,

[1:21:02] so totally check it out, Deathgasm.

[1:21:06] I realized I do have a Shocktober recommendation, so I'm going to recommend two movies real

[1:21:09] quick.

[1:21:10] One is Shocktober, one is not for Shocktober, an old classic that I don't remember if I've

[1:21:15] recommended before.

[1:21:16] If I have, I apologize, and that is Mad Love starring Peter Lorre, which is a movie that

[1:21:21] is super creepy and weird.

[1:21:23] He is this creepy bald guy who becomes obsessed with an actress who is in like a Grand Guignol

[1:21:29] type, I don't know how to pronounce it, type theater of blood in the grotesque, and who's

[1:21:34] the woman's husband is a surgeon, or the woman is a piano player, I can't remember what the

[1:21:40] husband does.

[1:21:41] The point is, he loses his hands in a train accident, and Peter Lorre replaces them with

[1:21:44] a knife throwing murderer's hands, but the hands are kind of forgotten because Peter

[1:21:49] Lorre's character is so creepy and scary that you don't really need it, but it's a

[1:21:53] really effective, tight little creepy thriller movie that I think Carl Freund was who directed

[1:22:00] it, the guy who is a cinematographer for Metropolis, and he directed The Mummy, so that's my Shocktober

[1:22:05] recommendation so we can get some old movies in here.

[1:22:07] And then I saw a new movie recently that doesn't need my help to become successful because

[1:22:11] it's a top movie right now, but I saw a movie called The Mars Man starring Max Dieman, directed

[1:22:15] by Gridley Spott, but I saw The Martian and I enjoyed it a lot.

[1:22:20] I liked-

[1:22:21] It's been a lot scarier before.

[1:22:23] Yeah, but what's scarier than being trapped on a planet by yourself?

[1:22:26] That's frightening, dude, and you gotta make your own food.

[1:22:30] The movie is a little too like winky clever sometimes, and there's one too many montages

[1:22:36] set to pop songs, but overall, it's like a really just engrossing movie of a very old

[1:22:43] fashion science fiction type where there's a problem, people need to find a solution

[1:22:48] for it, and they just work through solutions until they can try to solve the problem, and

[1:22:53] I found it really refreshing because one, there's no villain in the movie.

[1:22:57] Everyone's on the same page and they all want the same thing, but they have different ideas

[1:23:01] of how to get it, but I was waiting for the evil person who wants to leave Matt Damon

[1:23:05] up there because it's good publicity for NASA or something, and that never happens, so it

[1:23:09] was like a movie-

[1:23:11] Played by Paul Reiser.

[1:23:12] Yeah, well, basically, Paul Reiser and Aliens, yeah, and it's like a movie about teamwork

[1:23:19] and problem solving that was just like kind of an upbeat movie about a semi-realistic

[1:23:26] problem, and it felt, this is something I was tweeting about, so if you've read my Twitter

[1:23:31] feed, you've seen this, but it felt like, I don't know, but it said like, it felt like

[1:23:35] seeing a movie where if America was like a functioning socialist or communist country,

[1:23:41] this is the type of movie we would make in a good way, where it's like, America is exploring

[1:23:46] for science.

[1:23:47] Uh-oh, a problem.

[1:23:48] Time for everyone to work together as a team to solve it, and that shouldn't work dramatically

[1:23:53] as well as it does, but it does work dramatically.

[1:23:56] The characters are a little thin, and Matt Damon never seems to be all that bothered

[1:24:00] by the fact that he's trapped on Mars, but otherwise, it was really good.

[1:24:05] Four great recommendations.

[1:24:06] We did it.

[1:24:07] I'm going to go off script here a little bit, and Dan can edit this out if he wants,

[1:24:12] but I would like to propose another ill-defined flophouse contest, because I need some help

[1:24:19] from you listeners out there in, I don't know, the rest of the world.

[1:24:24] See, I'm opening up a little bar, Hinterland's Bar.

[1:24:27] You can find us on Facebook.

[1:24:28] We're going to be on Church Avenue in Brooklyn, and one of the things that I would like to

[1:24:33] do is have a personalized kind of artistic choking victim poster, because every bar or

[1:24:41] restaurant has to have a choking victim poster, but you can add a little bit of your own,

[1:24:46] have your own flavor to it, so what I would like to do is, I'm going to propose to Dan,

[1:24:51] you guys can veto this on air if you want, but I was going to suggest that we do a contest

[1:24:55] where you flop folks can put together your best version of a choking victim poster, you

[1:25:04] artsy types, and all the rules for what you would need to have to include on that poster

[1:25:09] will be on the flophouse website when this episode airs, and I think, what, about two

[1:25:16] weeks?

[1:25:17] Two weeks from when this airs, I'd like to have all the entries in, and then we'll do

[1:25:22] a short voting.

[1:25:24] The specifics will all be on the website, and the winner will be, of course, used, and

[1:25:31] will maybe get to pick a movie for us to watch.

[1:25:34] Dan?

[1:25:35] Sure.

[1:25:36] Sure.

[1:25:37] You'll get to pick a movie that isn't Nothing But Trouble.

[1:25:39] Nothing But Trouble is banned from these contests until maybe our final episode of All Time.

[1:25:45] When you see Nothing But Trouble pop up in your podcast, you know that we're done.

[1:25:48] We have crossed over into another world, and everybody else who enters but doesn't

[1:25:55] win will certainly get a free drink if they come by my bar, and some other kind of ill-defined

[1:26:02] thing that will be on the website.

[1:26:03] You're really putting a lot of work into your dad.

[1:26:07] Yeah.

[1:26:08] No, I'll take care of that part.

[1:26:09] Okay.

[1:26:10] So, contest.

[1:26:13] I wasn't paying attention to that, so you just worked on it.

[1:26:16] You were just looking at the back of that cheeky DVD you got.

[1:26:19] Yeah.

[1:26:20] Why look at the back when the front has just a lady's butt on it?

[1:26:23] Yeah.

[1:26:24] Here's what I like about the DVD case.

[1:26:26] It's called Cheeky.

[1:26:27] It snaps.

[1:26:28] The cover opens easily.

[1:26:29] I give it an A+.

[1:26:30] As advertised.

[1:26:31] Plus, snaps closed with a slight push.

[1:26:32] Good one, Entertainment Weekly over here.

[1:26:33] It sits on the shelf comfortably.

[1:26:34] It's the same shape and size as my other DVDs, so they all look about the same.

[1:26:35] It's a good one.

[1:26:44] I give it an A+.

[1:26:45] The top part slides through.

[1:26:46] So they all look like a piece together.

[1:26:47] And I like that about it.

[1:26:48] Now, some would say that the covering over the insert with the name on the title is too

[1:26:55] shiny.

[1:26:56] But I think it's just shiny enough.

[1:26:57] Says the name along the spine.

[1:27:01] That's amazing for organizing.

[1:27:03] The summary insert with the cover is cut well so that none of it peeks out of the plastic

[1:27:08] sleeve.

[1:27:09] So that looks very professional on the shelf as well.

[1:27:10] But I like—it's called Cheeky.

[1:27:13] It's a woman lifting up her skirt on the front.

[1:27:15] On the back, it keeps talking about what a sensual feast it is.

[1:27:17] And then the bottom, for mature audiences.

[1:27:19] Thanks.

[1:27:20] Thanks, buddy.

[1:27:21] Oh, it's not a kid's film?

[1:27:23] This tribute to women's hinders is not for the whole family to enjoy?

[1:27:29] Yeah.

[1:27:30] So I recommend the DVD case for Cheeky to anyone who wants to store DVDs or put something

[1:27:37] on their shelf.

[1:27:38] The movie I don't care for.

[1:27:39] I find it lewd.

[1:27:40] Yeah, well, thanks for this super-sized episode of the Flop Fest.

[1:27:47] Yeah.

[1:27:48] We've got one more this October.

[1:27:50] Look out for that.

[1:27:51] But until then, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:27:54] I'm still Stuart Wellington.

[1:27:57] Even after all this time, Elliot Kalen remains.

[1:27:59] Good night, everyone.

[1:28:01] Boom.

[1:28:10] We'll bring extra mustard to this sandwich.

[1:28:16] We did to that intro.

[1:28:17] Oh, man.

[1:28:18] It's fuckin' on fire like a sandwich.

[1:28:19] Is this sandwich on fire?

[1:28:20] I knew I could get Dan with some stupid bullshit.

[1:28:28] We call it the flaming Reuben.

[1:28:30] We take a regular Reuben and we light it on fire.

[1:28:32] We take a guy named Reuben.

[1:28:34] He is not happy about this situation.

[1:28:36] Reuben's stoddard.

[1:28:37] Reuben's stoddard.

[1:28:38] A lot to burn there.

[1:28:39] Maximumfun.org.

[1:28:40] Comedy and culture.

[1:28:41] Artist-owned.

[1:28:42] Listener-supported.

[1:28:43] Welcome to the Lady to Lady Show.

[1:28:44] Behind door number one, we have fantastic weekly guests like Aisha Tyler, French Stewart,

[1:28:45] Greta, and more.

[1:28:46] Behind door number two, we have road trip and sleepover games like Would You Rather

[1:28:47] and Never Have I Ever, the kind of games that remind you of being a kid.

[1:28:48] Door number three brings you fresh, hot episodes every Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday.

[1:28:49] And last but not least, we've got a special guest.

[1:28:50] It's me.

[1:28:51] It's me.

[1:28:52] It's me.

[1:28:53] It's me.

[1:28:54] It's me.

[1:28:55] It's me.

[1:28:56] It's me.

[1:28:57] It's me.

[1:28:58] It's me.

[1:28:59] It's me.

[1:29:00] It's me.

[1:29:01] It's me.

[1:29:02] It's me.

[1:29:03] It's me.

[1:29:04] It's me.

[1:29:05] It's me.

[1:29:06] It's me.

[1:29:07] It's me.

[1:29:08] It's me.

[1:29:09] It's me.

[1:29:10] It's me.

[1:29:11] It's me.

[1:29:12] It's me.

[1:29:13] Sweet.

[1:29:14] It's me.

[1:29:15] It's me.

[1:29:16] It's me.

[1:29:17] Sweet.

[1:29:18] It's me.

[1:29:19] It's me.

[1:29:20] Sweet.

[1:29:21] It's me.

[1:29:22] Sweet.

[1:29:23] It's me.

[1:29:24] It's me.

[1:29:25] It's me.

[1:29:26] Sweet.

[1:29:27] That's me.

[1:29:28] Smart.

[1:29:29] That's me.

[1:29:30] That's me.

[1:29:31] I'm lucky.

Ep. #189 - Deliver Us from Evil

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