Ep. #190 - Ouija

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On tonight's episode, we watched Ouija.

[0:04] Ouija.

[0:05] Ouija.

[0:06] Actually, Ouija is the preferred pronunciation.

[0:09] By who?

[0:09] No one.

[0:10] On the dictionaries.

Stuart Wellington

[0:12] On the dictionaries.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[0:48] I'm Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[0:49] And tonight Dan is joined by three spirits.

[0:53] I'm Stuart Wellington, the scariest ghost.

Elliott Kalan

[0:57] And I'm Elliot Kalin, the shortest ghost.

Hallie Haglund

[0:59] And I'm Hallie Hagelin, the pile of bones.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05] Oh no.

[1:06] Okay, two ghosts and a pile of bones.

[1:08] She's disintegrated.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09] That was that sitcom, two ghosts, a girl, and a pile of bones.

Dan McCoy

[1:14] Not a good show.

[1:16] Yeah, as has become a miniature Shocktober tradition, Hallie has returned to be with us.

[1:23] Yeah, because she's tiny.

[1:25] She's a tiny person.

[1:28] With a big heart.

[1:29] Yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[1:30] You're going to find that out tonight, people.

[1:34] In my special Christmas episode.

Elliott Kalan

[1:36] Wait.

[1:37] Right now for Halloween.

[1:39] It's called a very spooky Hallie Christmas.

[1:41] It's called a very spooky Hallie Christmas.

Stuart Wellington

[1:43] Not even like Happy Hallie Days.

Elliott Kalan

[1:45] No, it sounds too much like Happy Days.

[1:48] And it gets confused with Hallie Days, Hallie's Happy Days tribute.

[1:51] Where she plays all the parts.

[1:54] Hallie, give us a taste.

Hallie Haglund

[1:56] Hey, I'm talking over here.

Elliott Kalan

[1:59] Have you ever seen Happy Days?

Stuart Wellington

[2:03] Now do Dwayne the Jandler.

Hallie Haglund

[2:07] Can I empty your trash?

Elliott Kalan

[2:11] Perfect.

[2:12] Dead on.

[2:12] 100%.

[2:13] Dead on.

[2:14] Now do the foreign exchange student, Rinaldo.

[2:19] Hola.

Stuart Wellington

[2:23] That was the most questionable hola I've ever heard.

Hallie Haglund

[2:27] I feel pretty pimped out right now, okay?

Dan McCoy

[2:30] You are pimped out.

[2:31] I mean, look at those rims you got.

[2:33] She's got neon lights under her chassis.

[2:35] Yeah.

[2:36] That's called ground effects.

[2:37] Don't talk about Hallie's chassis.

[2:38] There's a PlayStation 2 in her trunk.

Hallie Haglund

[2:43] That's not junk.

[2:44] In my trunk.

[2:47] So.

[2:49] Tonight's sponsor, PlayStation 2.

Stuart Wellington

[2:52] Go back in time and buy one today.

[2:54] Games are still used, boy, Elliot.

[2:56] Tonight's sponsor, silliness.

[3:00] Like the concept?

[3:02] Is that like a syllabus company?

[3:05] Yeah, the concept of silliness.

[3:07] Silliness.

Dan McCoy

[3:09] Silliness syllabus.

[3:10] Yeah, just general hijinks.

[3:13] Okay, thanks for explaining to me what silliness is.

[3:15] So now that we've been goofballs, what do we do on this podcast, Daniel?

[3:20] Oh, very serious.

[3:21] We watch a bad movie, and then we talk about it.

[3:24] And tonight, for our final Shocktober.

[3:29] Never.

Stuart Wellington

[3:31] What?

[3:32] Are we already ghosts?

[3:33] Yes, we are.

Dan McCoy

[3:34] I already said that.

[3:35] This year, in a Shocktober that's brought us a cornucopia of Shocktober episodes.

[3:41] Three regular episodes.

[3:42] A corpse-o-copia.

[3:43] One crossover episode.

[3:46] But this is the last one, and we watched Ouija.

Hallie Haglund

[3:49] Stop saying Ouija.

[3:51] They don't even say Ouija in the movie.

Dan McCoy

[3:53] They call it Ouija.

Hallie Haglund

[3:54] You were saying Ouija before we got on the air.

[3:57] And suddenly, when we're recording, you're like, I'm going to be the cool guy.

Elliott Kalan

[3:59] I want to impress my boys.

Hallie Haglund

[4:01] Then he put on his glasses, and he's like, Ouija.

Dan McCoy

[4:06] Yeah, that's true.

[4:07] He did put on glasses when we started recording.

[4:08] Yeah, that's the coolest way to be.

[4:09] Put on your glasses and start correcting people's pronunciation.

Stuart Wellington

[4:13] He put his glasses on after we watched the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[4:16] He's like, the movie I found too blurry.

[4:21] I couldn't read any of the credits or other on-screen text.

[4:24] Thumbs down.

Hallie Haglund

[4:25] What you need if it's a Ouija board, there is a lot of on-screen text.

Elliott Kalan

[4:29] That's true.

[4:30] Yes, no, letters, goodbye, a moon, a sun.

Hallie Haglund

[4:34] Hi, friends.

[4:35] Yeah, that's why I don't.

Elliott Kalan

[4:36] The Parker Brothers brand logo.

Dan McCoy

[4:37] That's why I don't like a movie about a Ouija board is that you have to.

Stuart Wellington

[4:40] Is it Mattel?

[4:41] Which is it?

[4:41] Is it Parker Brothers, Mattel, or?

[4:43] I thought it was Parker Brothers.

Elliott Kalan

[4:44] Okay.

[4:45] It's a board game, and Parker Brothers is a board game company.

[4:48] Mattel is.

[4:48] You'd have to be bored to play this game.

[4:50] Hi-oh.

[4:51] Let's get to the movie.

Dan McCoy

[4:53] But it's not just like having subtitles where you have to read the movie.

[4:56] You have to spell the movie.

[4:58] Yeah.

[4:58] Luckily, they said everything.

[4:59] It's like Stephen Hawking's telling you a story.

Hallie Haglund

[5:01] No, but they would spell something out, but then they would say it out loud.

[5:04] And they would say it out loud much faster than I had been able to spell it.

[5:07] Because I was like halfway through, and they were like, oh, thanks.

Elliott Kalan

[5:11] Now, let's make it clear.

[5:13] There have been three different movies named Ouija in the past 11 years.

[5:16] So which one did we watch?

[5:17] We watched the most recent one from 2014.

[5:19] We watched Big Top Ouija.

[5:23] Right after Ouija's Big Adventure?

[5:24] Yeah.

[5:25] Exactly.

[5:26] What a better movie this would have been.

[5:28] It was called Ouija's Big Adventure, and it was about Pee Wee Herman, or just Paul Reubens,

[5:32] out of character, using a Ouija board.

[5:34] It was a ghost?

[5:36] And it was just him and a ghost.

[5:37] I'm a ghost.

[5:38] I know you are, but what am I?

[5:39] No, a ghost.

[5:40] I know you are, but what am I?

[5:41] No, wait.

[5:42] Hold on.

Stuart Wellington

[5:43] I'm not answering the question.

[5:44] The large Marge scene wouldn't be quite as scary, though.

[5:46] No.

Elliott Kalan

[5:46] No, you'd know she was a ghost right from the beginning.

[5:48] Yeah.

[5:50] Am I speaking to large Marge?

[5:51] Wah!

[5:53] Okay, so I am?

[5:54] Great.

Stuart Wellington

[5:54] Yeah, the little planchette went on to W-A-A-A-A exclamation point.

Dan McCoy

[6:00] Why did they even put an exclamation point on the Ouija board?

Elliott Kalan

[6:03] Because they learned with Ouija boards what everyone learned with text messages, which

[6:06] is if you don't put an exclamation point at the end, it sounds weirdly passive aggressive

[6:10] and like you're mad.

[6:11] Yeah.

[6:11] So the ghosts always have to put exclamation points.

Hallie Haglund

[6:14] They didn't use it yet.

[6:15] They definitely added it, along with the emoticons that they added to the Ouija board.

Elliott Kalan

[6:19] Yeah, when they added that eggplant emoticons so that ghosts could talk about their penises.

[6:23] That is funny, though.

[6:24] So the Japanese ghosts could talk about their penises.

[6:28] Why Japanese in particular?

Hallie Haglund

[6:31] Oh, I was thinking of...

Elliott Kalan

[6:33] That old urban legend that Japanese men have eggplants for penises?

Stuart Wellington

[6:38] That's why Kid Icarus is always fighting an eggplant wizard.

Hallie Haglund

[6:42] I played Kid Icarus when I was little.

Elliott Kalan

[6:44] Wow, we have so much in common.

[6:46] Me and Hallie.

[6:47] You guys should get married or kill each other or I don't know what.

Hallie Haglund

[6:50] Or play Kid Icarus.

Elliott Kalan

[6:51] What if that was the lamest ever attempt to single white female somebody?

[6:55] That's why Kid Icarus was like, I used to play Kid Icarus all the time, too.

Hallie Haglund

[7:00] And now I'm going to stab a stiletto through your eye.

[7:04] Happened in single white female.

Dan McCoy

[7:06] Oh, my shoe's untied.

Hallie Haglund

[7:07] I have to tie my shoe also.

Dan McCoy

[7:10] So, Dan.

[7:10] R.I.P.

[7:11] Steven Weber.

[7:12] He died in single white female.

[7:14] He's still alive in real life.

[7:15] He's still alive in real life.

[7:16] Yeah.

[7:16] No, he got that stiletto through his eyes.

[7:18] Living off of that Weber's real money.

Elliott Kalan

[7:20] Yeah.

[7:21] Dan, you do know that when things happen in movies, they don't usually happen in real

[7:24] life, right?

[7:25] What?

[7:26] Uh-oh.

[7:27] We've got a lot of educating of this guy to do.

[7:29] Anyway, Dan, have you ever heard of Santa Claus?

Dan McCoy

[7:33] You mean Fred Claus's brother?

Elliott Kalan

[7:38] Let's talk about Ouija, shall we?

[7:39] Okay.

[7:40] As it's shocked.

[7:40] Yeah, we probably should.

[7:41] I'll focus on the scares.

[7:43] Now, it's based on the popular board game, which is not actually a game.

[7:46] Scares Cares, which is my charity.

[7:48] It's a charity that helps homeless ghosts.

[7:50] Yeah.

[7:52] Ghosts without sheets.

Stuart Wellington

[7:54] Ghosts without the most.

[7:56] Beetlejuice, everybody.

Dan McCoy

[7:58] Ghosts without the most Beetlejuice.

[8:01] You need more Beetlejuice.

[8:03] Ghosts.

Elliott Kalan

[8:05] Ouija.

[8:05] It's the movie we watched.

[8:06] Let's explain what happens in it, okay?

[8:08] It's about a game.

[8:10] It's about Ouija boards.

[8:11] A board game, yep.

[8:12] Yeah.

[8:12] It's based on the popular way to contact the dead.

[8:14] That doesn't work.

[8:16] But it does work for girls at slumber parties, apparently.

[8:18] Now, the movie-

[8:19] So we open on some little girls playing with a Ouija board.

[8:21] Yeah, and they tell us the rules of the Ouija board, which I've never heard before.

[8:24] Don't feed it after midnight.

[8:26] Don't get it wet.

[8:28] And make sure-

[8:30] Use protection.

[8:31] And if you can't be safe, name it after me.

Dan McCoy

[8:34] By the way, I want to say that, like-

Stuart Wellington

[8:36] What, you name it Ouija?

Dan McCoy

[8:40] Uh, yeah.

[8:41] And the rule, uh, gas, grass, or ass, no one writes free.

[8:44] Yeah, and also, you smelt it, you dealt it.

Elliott Kalan

[8:49] Oh.

[8:50] And if you can't take the heat, get out of the Ouija.

Hallie Haglund

[8:52] And also, the Second Amendment.

Elliott Kalan

[8:57] Okay, there's rules you need to know about the Ouija board.

[8:59] Never use it alone.

[9:00] Never use it in the graveyard.

[9:02] In order-

[9:03] For the maintenance of a well-regulated militia, the right to bear arms shall not be infringed.

[9:07] And also, have fun.

Stuart Wellington

[9:10] And don't forget, if you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch.

Elliott Kalan

[9:13] And this is very important.

[9:15] Do not tell mom the babysitter is dead.

[9:17] Use the Ouija board to contact the babysitter.

[9:20] She'll tell you when to go to bed.

Hallie Haglund

[9:23] And no running.

Elliott Kalan

[9:27] Also, adults swim, call kids out of the pool.

[9:29] No runnings.

[9:31] Just full stop.

[9:32] No, that movie with Dougie Doug, no runnings.

[9:35] Where they couldn't afford a bobsled, so they didn't go to the Olympics.

Hallie Haglund

[9:38] Where John-

[9:40] Was that John Candy?

[9:41] Yeah, John Candy.

[9:42] He put so many weights in his bobsled, that it just wouldn't move.

[9:46] That was really-

Stuart Wellington

[9:47] You're really getting into this cool runnings description.

[9:49] This is a really deep dive into the cool runnings plot.

Hallie Haglund

[9:52] No, remember, that was why he didn't win, and he had to become a coach.

[9:56] Was he cheated, right?

[9:57] Because he cheated by putting a bunch of weights in his bobsled.

[10:00] Yeah.

[10:01] Sorry, my jokes got too accurate for you.

[10:04] Come on.

Dan McCoy

[10:05] I mean, he's a national treasure, but he was a large man.

[10:08] I mean, a Canadian treasure.

[10:10] It's still a nation.

[10:11] Yeah.

[10:12] Technically.

[10:14] Canadian treasure starring Canadian Nicolas Cage.

Elliott Kalan

[10:18] There's a treasure map A on the back of the-

[10:23] On the back of the loonie.

[10:25] This means something.

[10:27] On the back of the document that says we're our own country because we never had a revolution or nothing.

[10:31] Anyway, let's go find that treasure.

Dan McCoy

[10:34] It's a bunch of cans of Schlitz.

[10:38] You okay, Dan?

Stuart Wellington

[10:40] Basically, Bob or Doug McKenzie.

[10:42] Exactly.

[10:44] National treasure.

[10:45] Yeah.

[10:46] National treasure 2, Book of Strange Brew.

[10:49] What?

[10:49] That's actually a good show.

Dan McCoy

[10:50] I want to back up, though, and say that I predicted when we were trying to figure out what movie we were going to watch, I predicted that out of the choices, Hallie was going to choose Ouija because it's my theory.

[11:01] Ouija.

[11:02] Women love Ouija boards.

[11:04] They do.

Elliott Kalan

[11:05] I chose-

[11:06] LL Ouija boards.

[11:09] Now, Hallie, this movie opens with two young girls playing with a Ouija board.

[11:13] It's their friends.

[11:14] I was not one of them.

[11:17] No, Hallie was not a character in the film.

[11:18] That's a good point we should make, I guess.

[11:20] Yeah.

[11:22] Debbie and Blaine are best friends, and Blaine is not happy that her sister-

[11:25] Blaine was her name.

[11:26] Oh, Blaine.

[11:27] Debbie and Blaine.

[11:27] Blaine from-

[11:28] From 16-

[11:30] Yeah.

[11:30] No, from Pretty and Pink.

[11:32] Pretty and Candles.

[11:33] Now, and Blaine yells at her younger sister to go away.

[11:37] It's like those-

[11:38] Oh, God.

[11:39] Are we ever going to talk about this movie?

[11:41] No.

[11:42] No, but-

[11:43] Who does that-

[11:43] I'm going to give the shortest plot summary after this.

Hallie Haglund

[11:45] Norway, or who does the ceremony at Christmas when they just wear candles on their head?

[11:50] What?

[11:52] That was-

Stuart Wellington

[11:53] I can't decipher this one.

Hallie Haglund

[11:56] Is this a Colorado thing?

[11:58] All right, no.

[11:59] If you got-

[11:59] For the ladies out there, if you had-

Elliott Kalan

[12:02] If your man's not giving you love, kick him to the curb.

[12:06] Also, can you tell me about this candlehead thing?

[12:09] No.

Hallie Haglund

[12:10] No, people will remember.

[12:11] If you had American girls, it was Kirsten.

[12:15] I can't remember where she was from, but she had that outfit that was the candle on the head outfit.

[12:20] Because it was a tradition.

[12:21] Because she was an immigrant.

[12:22] I don't remember where from.

Dan McCoy

[12:23] An immigrant who died in a mysterious fire.

Hallie Haglund

[12:27] That was really up to you.

[12:29] That was really up to the owner of the doll.

Stuart Wellington

[12:31] Is she like a miner or something?

[12:32] Why is she a little candle on her head?

Hallie Haglund

[12:34] No, it was like a special, like some Scandinavian way to celebrate Christmas or something.

Dan McCoy

[12:41] A Christmas thing.

[12:42] A foreign Christmas thing.

[12:43] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[12:43] Like a Buche de Noel.

[12:44] Now, there is no more appropriate time to talk about Christmas traditions than during our Halloween episode.

[12:52] I told you.

[12:52] The one that will literally go up on Halloween.

[12:55] This is the least spooky Shocktober episode we've ever done.

[12:58] Someone throw some chain sound effects on there, Dan.

[13:00] There better be chain sound effects and creaking doors through this whole thing.

[13:04] That's a scary witch.

[13:05] There you go.

[13:05] That was so frightening.

[13:07] Anyway.

[13:08] So these two girls are playing with the Ouija board.

[13:10] Hallie, when you were a little kid, like at sleepovers, did you used to play with the Ouija board?

[13:13] Bring Hallie back into the conversation.

[13:15] But at least it's relevant.

[13:17] Like this is a thing that I, as a male child, never did.

Dan McCoy

[13:21] You didn't play with Ouija boards?

Elliott Kalan

[13:23] No.

[13:23] I contacted the spirits by killing small animals and pouring their blood onto the altar I carved.

[13:28] So is this something that girls actually do when they're kids?

Hallie Haglund

[13:31] Yeah, we had a Ouija board.

[13:32] We played Ouija.

Elliott Kalan

[13:34] Did you contact anything?

Hallie Haglund

[13:35] No.

[13:36] It never like worked for me.

Elliott Kalan

[13:39] I like that you're playing that it was your problem.

[13:43] I must have been doing it wrong because this plastic board never contacted the dead.

Hallie Haglund

[13:46] I don't know what turned spirits off to me.

[13:49] I don't know.

[13:52] I need to read a book about what spirits really want.

Dan McCoy

[13:55] I mean, you did say last October that you really wanted to see a ghost.

Hallie Haglund

[14:00] I know.

[14:01] And I said it to you again on the subway today, not joking.

[14:04] You were like, what are you going to do for Halloween?

[14:05] And I was like, I said it before and I'll say it again.

[14:07] I want to see a ghost.

Elliott Kalan

[14:09] Well, that's not what you're going to do.

[14:11] It's just a wish.

[14:12] It's just going ghost hunting, I guess.

[14:14] Yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[14:16] Not busting.

[14:17] Not hunting.

[14:18] I'm like a watcher.

[14:20] I'm like a bird watcher.

[14:21] I appreciate.

Elliott Kalan

[14:23] She's an enthusiast.

[14:24] You're a hunter in the same way that a MILF hunter is a MILF hunter.

[14:27] He's not killing the MILFs.

[14:28] Well.

[14:29] So, Ouija boards.

[14:34] So these girls play with a Ouija board.

[14:36] Yeah.

[14:36] Cut to it's, you know, eight years later or however long.

[14:40] They're teenagers in high school now.

Stuart Wellington

[14:41] And one of those girls is immediately breaking the rules by playing by herself.

Elliott Kalan

[14:45] She's playing Ouija board by herself.

[14:47] She's trying to say goodbye to somebody.

[14:49] And does it work?

[14:50] And she's, her friend is talking to her, Lane is talking to Debbie on the phone and she's

[14:55] like, hey, are you going to come to the game?

[14:56] No, no.

[14:57] And I don't remember if we ever found out why Debbie, did she break up with her boyfriend

[15:01] or something?

Hallie Haglund

[15:01] She just like, she wouldn't come out of her house.

[15:04] She just wasn't feeling like it.

[15:05] She had leftovers.

[15:06] She had a plate of leftovers.

[15:07] And I guess it's because she wanted to deal with this ghost.

Elliott Kalan

[15:10] But instead.

[15:11] Too busy.

[15:11] She doesn't want to go to the big game because she's busy with this ghost problem.

[15:14] She sits down for leftovers.

[15:16] The lights are flickering.

[15:16] The door opens.

Hallie Haglund

[15:17] The stove turns on.

[15:19] She turns on.

Elliott Kalan

[15:20] She goes up to use the Ouija board and is like.

Hallie Haglund

[15:22] No, she had already thrown the Ouija board in the fire.

Elliott Kalan

[15:24] Oh, that's right.

[15:25] I'm sorry.

[15:25] I didn't accept.

[15:25] You said goodbye on the Ouija board, thrown it in the fireplace, went to sit down to eat

[15:29] her leftovers.

[15:30] Uh-oh.

[15:31] The door opens.

[15:33] It's spookiness.

[15:33] The light, the fire turns on.

[15:34] She goes up to her room.

[15:36] The Ouija board is there.

[15:37] What?

[15:38] Ah.

[15:39] And then.

[15:40] No, no, no, no, no, no.

[15:42] No.

[15:43] And we learned that you can see a ghost if you hold up the planchette and look through the

[15:47] little plastic circle in the middle.

Hallie Haglund

[15:49] Which would have made the game like way more fun if I had known when I was a child.

Elliott Kalan

[15:54] Yeah, maybe you had contacted a ghost after all.

[15:56] Yeah.

[15:57] Maybe it was a ghost that didn't have hands and so couldn't use the planchette, but like

[16:01] you couldn't, you could see them if you held it up.

[16:03] A ghost monocle.

[16:04] Yeah.

[16:04] That is the most dev or ghost.

[16:06] It's just a monocle floating in midair, maybe a top hat.

[16:08] So she holds that thing up.

[16:09] The ghost of Mr. Peanut.

Stuart Wellington

[16:11] She holds that thing up and her eye totally milks over.

Elliott Kalan

[16:16] Yeah, she looks like Storm using her powers.

[16:18] And then she reaches up and grabs.

[16:20] Or Little Orphan Annie at any point.

Hallie Haglund

[16:23] She had milky eyes.

Elliott Kalan

[16:25] She had no pupils.

[16:26] Little Orphan Annie was always using her weather controlling powers.

Hallie Haglund

[16:29] Oh, I was like.

Elliott Kalan

[16:30] I'm not talking about Annie.

[16:32] No, they fitted the girl playing Annie for all white contact lenses.

[16:36] I would love that if it was like.

Dan McCoy

[16:38] They deemed it too painful and too scary.

[16:40] It was like Robert Altman's Popeye level of like trying to be like the comic.

Elliott Kalan

[16:46] So she has no pupils.

[16:47] She's constantly getting kidnapped and everyone hates Roosevelt.

[16:50] Yeah.

[16:51] Is how it would go then.

[16:52] And Daddy Warbucks is a huge war profiteer.

[16:55] There was a whole series.

[16:56] He died in the comic strip.

[16:58] And then after FDR died, Daddy Warbucks came back and he was like, well, I don't have to be in hiding anymore now that that man is dead.

[17:04] I was like, that's terrible.

[17:06] That was the president.

[17:08] Even if you disagree with the man, have respect for the office.

[17:11] Anyway.

[17:12] He was the Tony Stark's dad of his day.

[17:17] He was a war profiteer?

[17:18] Yeah.

[17:18] I mean, okay.

[17:19] Was he also like a scientist?

[17:21] I guess we'll dig your word for it.

[17:22] And his son is Iron Man?

[17:23] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[17:25] No, Annie is Iron Man.

Elliott Kalan

[17:26] Iron Manny, of course.

[17:29] Although that sounds like Manny from Modern Family.

[17:30] And Sandy was a war machine.

[17:32] So Sandy is a dog in armor.

[17:36] I gotta say, that's a pretty great mashup right there.

Dan McCoy

[17:40] So where were we in this movie?

[17:42] So we're like two minutes in.

Elliott Kalan

[17:44] She has a song, You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Suit of Armor.

[17:47] Okay, so she is now possessed.

[17:49] She takes a string of Christmas lights, hangs herself with them.

[17:53] In the first of many shot cuts that spook Hallie out loud.

[17:56] They didn't just spook me.

Dan McCoy

[17:58] They got Dan.

[17:59] They got Stuart.

Elliott Kalan

[17:59] There were a couple of people.

[18:00] Yep, I was freaking.

[18:01] There were a couple of times when people would go like, hey, and jump out of nowhere.

[18:04] And there were genuinely good jump outs.

[18:07] But what I like about watching a horror movie with Hallie is.

[18:10] Excuse me.

[18:11] I had to pop up.

[18:12] He started crying.

[18:14] I was too choked up.

[18:15] You got choked up, yeah.

[18:16] I love the experience of watching the movie with Hallie so much.

[18:18] Every, what I love about watching a horror movie with Hallie is.

[18:22] Every scare.

[18:23] She goes, ah!

[18:24] Until a certain point in the movie where she just stops giving a shit.

[18:28] And she is so fed up with the movie.

[18:30] And she's just like.

[18:31] She's freaking angry.

[18:32] She's like, just do the thing, bitch.

[18:34] Come on.

[18:34] Just go in and do that stupid thing.

[18:37] Like, I love it.

[18:38] There's this.

[18:38] And I can never quite pinpoint when the switch has happened.

[18:41] But I know when it happens.

[18:42] When she starts talking.

[18:44] If anyone has the chance to watch a horror movie with Hallie, go ahead and do it.

[18:47] Maybe it'll be a prize in the contest.

[18:48] Yeah, it's weird.

[18:49] It's weird.

Elliott Kalan

[18:51] Now, so she's dead.

[18:53] Her friends are devastated.

[18:54] They go to a diner the next morning for breakfast.

[18:57] They order her her pancake with the works.

[18:58] Because they thought she was coming.

Hallie Haglund

[19:00] They had arranged prior to meet her.

Elliott Kalan

[19:03] Did we ever see what the pancakes with the works looked like?

[19:04] No.

[19:04] We didn't get a chance to order, actually.

Stuart Wellington

[19:06] I'm guessing it's got, like, fucking gummy bears and shit in it.

[19:09] Whatever kids like to eat.

Hallie Haglund

[19:11] That would be awesome.

[19:12] Three pounds of candy on top of it.

Stuart Wellington

[19:15] And then they cover the whole thing just with...

[19:17] Said the works.

[19:17] That's going to be $73.

Hallie Haglund

[19:20] There's just, like, a steak on top of it with, like, mashed potatoes.

Dan McCoy

[19:24] There's one of those gold leaf things on it.

[19:28] It doesn't even have any flavor.

[19:31] It's just to be extravagant.

Stuart Wellington

[19:33] It comes with a ceremonial goblet and plate.

Elliott Kalan

[19:36] You keep the...

[19:37] That's why it's so expensive.

[19:38] That's the thing.

[19:39] It's not really a $10,000 pancake.

[19:41] It comes with a $10,000 bracelet.

Dan McCoy

[19:43] You get a picture if you put it on the wall if you get the pancakes with the words.

Elliott Kalan

[19:46] On the bracelet.

[19:47] On the wall under a title that just says,

[19:49] Idiots.

[19:54] They cover up what it says when you're there.

[19:57] Oh, yeah, you're on our wall of fame.

[20:00] Anyway.

[20:01] They're all devastated by the death of their friends.

[20:04] They don't know what's going on.

[20:05] She goes and is given...

Stuart Wellington

[20:08] Yeah, we're introduced to, like, a cast of cool hip teens, right?

[20:11] Yeah.

[20:11] You got the guy who kind of looks like Patrick Dempsey.

[20:13] That's Lane's boyfriend.

[20:14] You got the dude who...

[20:15] Trevor.

[20:16] Kind of looks...

[20:16] Kind of weird.

[20:18] Kind of looks like the guy from Chronicle.

Elliott Kalan

[20:20] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[20:21] And that's Debbie's ex-boyfriend.

[20:24] Now that she's dead.

[20:25] I think he's free to see other people now.

[20:28] And then there's also Lane's sister who has grown up to be kind of a wild child.

[20:34] And there's also their friend whose name I don't remember who is the one not...

[20:37] Isabel the waitress.

[20:38] Isabel.

[20:39] The ethnic waitress.

[20:40] Yeah.

[20:40] Isabella Waitressini.

[20:43] Like Isabella Rossellini.

[20:44] I got you.

[20:45] But she's a waitress.

[20:47] It's an idea for a show.

[20:49] Okay, who's going to be the star?

[20:52] Isabella Rossellini.

[20:53] Oh, okay.

[20:54] Who does she play?

[20:55] Isabella Waitressini.

[20:57] It's loosely based on her story, except instead of being a popular model and actress, what if she's a waitress?

Stuart Wellington

[21:02] Okay.

[21:02] But her mom is still Ingrid Bergman.

Elliott Kalan

[21:04] There won't be any weirder than those bug videos she makes.

[21:07] Here's the twist.

[21:08] Instead of her dad being Roberto Rossellini, the director, her dad was Fernando Rossellini, a diner owner.

[21:15] Weird that his last name's not Waitressini.

[21:19] No, no, she uses her mother's maiden name.

[21:21] Ingrid Bergman Waitressini.

[21:23] It's very ironic.

[21:25] So they all get together and they're like, oh man.

Hallie Haglund

[21:27] Wait, what's the difference between...

Elliott Kalan

[21:29] Waitressini and Rosa?

Hallie Haglund

[21:32] That's not even my question.

[21:34] What's the difference between Ingrid Bergman and Ingmar Bergman?

Elliott Kalan

[21:37] Well, they're two totally different people.

[21:40] They both...

[21:40] One is a man and one is a woman.

[21:42] One was a director and the other was an actress.

Hallie Haglund

[21:44] Wait, is Ingmar Bergman the one who puts the women with huge tits in his movies?

[21:48] No, that's...

[21:49] That's Russ Meyer.

[21:50] No, no.

[21:51] It was a Seinfeld episode, right?

[21:54] Remember at their...

[21:56] Okay.

[21:56] We are getting really off topic.

[21:58] I'll say.

[21:58] But the ladies, you know what I'm talking about.

[22:00] Let me just do this.

Stuart Wellington

[22:01] They don't.

[22:02] Stop getting the ladies to help you out from this.

Dan McCoy

[22:05] Ladies, call in.

Stuart Wellington

[22:07] Ladies, you do not know what she is talking about.

Elliott Kalan

[22:08] The phone lines are open.

Dan McCoy

[22:10] Call in if you know what she's talking about.

Elliott Kalan

[22:13] Ingmar Bergman.

[22:14] Wait for your call.

[22:14] Ingmar Bergman put many beautiful women in his movies.

[22:17] They were not known for their enormous busts.

Hallie Haglund

[22:19] There was a Seinfeld episode about like all the waitresses that were being hired at their

[22:24] diner had huge boobs and they kept being like, it's like we're in an Ingmar Bergman film.

[22:28] I think that...

[22:28] It was like an Ingrid Bergman film.

Elliott Kalan

[22:30] Bergman.

[22:31] It was not Ingmar.

[22:32] Russ Meyer.

[22:32] I think they were saying Russ Meyer.

[22:33] They were not saying Russ Meyer.

[22:34] Oh my God.

[22:34] They were not saying Ingmar Bergman.

[22:36] Ingmar Bergman made dour films about man's inability to find the truth in a universe without God.

[22:42] All right.

[22:43] Although often it would be about the importance of religious faith just in a bleak world.

Dan McCoy

[22:47] Just like the huge boobs in Persona.

Elliott Kalan

[22:50] Who can forget the famous scene in The Seventh Seal where the man plays chess with boobs.

Dan McCoy

[22:57] Death has a bikini car wash.

Elliott Kalan

[23:00] Max von Sydow has to defeat death in a wet t-shirt contest.

Dan McCoy

[23:06] Anyway.

[23:09] This is approaching my Baba Yaga streganana.

[23:12] Yeah.

[23:14] Streganana.

Elliott Kalan

[23:16] Streganana.

[23:17] Thank you.

[23:18] We're well aware.

[23:19] She likes noodles.

[23:20] Anyway.

[23:21] She's a noodle aficionado.

[23:22] I will point out Ingmar Bergman did make one movie with Ingrid Bergman, Autumn Sonata,

[23:27] which is a very good movie.

[23:28] Okay.

[23:29] Do you think they talked about those players using their names?

[23:31] They had to have.

[23:32] It had to have come up.

[23:34] The fact that people get them mixed up somehow even though they're different genders and they do different things.

[23:40] Hmm.

[23:41] But okay.

[23:42] So everyone said at the funeral for her friend, funeral for a friend, the post-death of Superman storyline,

[23:49] Debbie's mom gives Lane this kind of box of junk and is like, hey, Debbie would have wanted you to have this random shit.

[23:58] But in it is.

Hallie Haglund

[23:59] You're this penguin keychain.

[24:01] Debbie loved this penguin keychain.

Elliott Kalan

[24:03] That's one of the.

[24:04] I mean, the only items we know of in it are the penguin keychain and the Ouija board, right?

[24:07] It's the kind of stuff we leave behind when we die, I guess.

[24:09] The Ouija board just shows up in her house, right?

[24:12] Or something.

[24:13] Or they go to get it.

[24:13] No, she finds it in her friend's house.

[24:15] In her friend's house.

[24:15] Okay, I thought it was in the box for some reason.

[24:17] Anyway, she decides she wants to get in touch with her friend.

[24:23] She's going to use the Ouija board with her friends in Debbie's parents' house because Debbie's parents have left to get over their grief.

Dan McCoy

[24:30] And they asked her to watch the house.

Elliott Kalan

[24:32] Asked her to house in the house that her best friend does.

[24:34] Because this is.

[24:34] We're just looking for excuses.

Stuart Wellington

[24:36] This whole movie takes place in the town that dreaded parents.

Elliott Kalan

[24:41] There are.

[24:42] Well, the thing.

[24:43] Lane's dad leaves on a business trip at the beginning of the movie.

[24:46] Debbie's parents leave and go somewhere else.

[24:48] The other parents are never seen.

[24:50] There's almost no adults in the movie.

[24:52] Yeah, exactly.

[24:53] The only adults.

Stuart Wellington

[24:53] It's like the children in the corn town.

Elliott Kalan

[24:55] Children in the corn town.

[24:56] Mm-hmm.

[24:58] It kind of, yeah.

[24:59] It's a place where everyone.

[25:01] Maybe they're living in Logan's Run.

[25:03] Mm-hmm.

[25:03] And the parents were all going to get killed because they were over 30.

Stuart Wellington

[25:06] Mm-hmm.

[25:07] So they left the town because if you stick around, you'll get killed after when you hit 30.

Elliott Kalan

[25:11] Yeah, yeah.

[25:12] In Logan's Run town.

Stuart Wellington

[25:13] Mm-hmm.

[25:14] Yeah, that seems like a mistake.

Elliott Kalan

[25:17] It's in the town charter.

[25:18] There's nothing you can do about it.

[25:19] Oh, okay.

[25:19] So they use the Ouija board and they contact someone, a ghost, who says their first initial is D.

[25:26] And they say their goodbyes and it's actually kind of a heartfelt scene.

[25:30] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[25:30] And as I said while we were watching it, that would be a very powerful experience to have.

[25:34] Mm-hmm.

[25:34] To finally say goodbye to your friends who died before their time.

[25:38] Yeah, to say like, see you at the crossroads.

[25:40] Yeah, I thought that was weird when you said that.

[25:41] To say a little bone dugs in harmony for them.

Hallie Haglund

[25:42] What?

[25:43] I thought that was weird when you thought that was such a powerful moment.

Elliott Kalan

[25:46] Well, it wasn't a powerful moment in the movie.

Dan McCoy

[25:48] But it was like, I could.

[25:49] But it would be in life.

Elliott Kalan

[25:50] Yeah, I could imagine if you were in that situation.

Dan McCoy

[25:53] If you actually thought that someone was talking to you from behind the grave.

Elliott Kalan

[25:56] If a friend of yours, if someone you were close to died before they should have, and you contact them from beyond the grave and you say, I never got a chance to say goodbye and I miss you.

[26:04] And they somehow communicated back to you.

[26:07] It's like if you met that ghost you're always talking about.

Hallie Haglund

[26:09] But she didn't get to say, it was just like, I never got a chance to say bye, so bye.

Elliott Kalan

[26:14] I'm not saying they did it well in the movie.

[26:17] I'm saying in real life that would be very powerful.

Hallie Haglund

[26:18] I'm just saying, Elliot, what matters is how you treat people when they are alive, not when they're dead, okay?

[26:26] The ladies know what I'm talking about.

Elliott Kalan

[26:30] Good point.

[26:31] Anyway, from that point on, all sorts of spooky junk starts happening.

[26:35] Which one of them gets killed first?

[26:38] It doesn't matter.

[26:39] They're all interchangeable.

[26:40] The waitress.

[26:41] Yeah, she's about to take a nice bath and then starts fucking flossing, which teenagers love to do in this movie.

[26:48] Before that, all of them in one place or another, the phrase, high friend, appears.

[26:52] And that's what the ghost said to them when they first used the Ouija board.

[26:56] It's written on one's car window.

[26:57] It's carved into a desk.

[26:59] It's written in chalk in Crime Alley, where Trevor decides to walk his bike through.

[27:04] And passed a spooky hobo's basket and a shopping cart full of cans.

Hallie Haglund

[27:10] You know what would have been better if when she met, I'm jumping ahead a little bit.

[27:14] Sure.

[27:15] But if when she went to the, when Lane went to the Usain Asylum and she met that woman who used to live in the house.

Elliott Kalan

[27:21] Listeners, this will all make sense when I get to that part of the plot.

Hallie Haglund

[27:24] If she had said, if that woman had said, hi friend at some point.

Elliott Kalan

[27:29] Yeah.

[27:29] Okay, yeah, that would have been better.

[27:32] You should send those punch-up notes to Michael Bay's Platinum.

[27:34] Platinum Dunes Company.

[27:35] All right.

[27:37] Is Platinum Dunes Michael Bay's company?

Stuart Wellington

[27:39] I thought his was the one with the tree getting hit by a lightning bolt.

[27:42] No, that's Jerry Bruckheimer.

Elliott Kalan

[27:43] Yeah.

[27:44] That's Lightning Tree Productions.

[27:47] Lightning Tree Productions.

[27:50] I don't know why I was mad when I said that, Stuart.

[27:52] I apologize.

[27:52] Yeah, you seem really worked up.

[27:54] Are you going through something, Elliot?

[27:56] Jerry Bruckheimer and I broke up.

[27:57] Okay.

[27:57] And I wanted custody of the tree and he wanted custody of the lightning.

[28:03] And we just hate to separate them.

[28:05] They strike so well together.

[28:08] So where were we?

[28:09] So the message, hi friend, appears to her.

[28:12] And there's one scary moment here for me where-

Dan McCoy

[28:14] Where you thought you started contemplating your own mortality.

Elliott Kalan

[28:18] Where I thought I was having a heart attack recently.

Dan McCoy

[28:20] You're like, I spent so much time in my life watching this movie.

[28:23] And I only have a limited amount of time on this spinning globe.

Elliott Kalan

[28:27] On my deathbed, am I really going to regret not having seen Ouija?

[28:31] Anyway.

[28:32] Where Isabella is going to her car after work.

[28:36] And there's a flyer on it.

Stuart Wellington

[28:37] Oh, I thought you were going to say that because she's carrying a bag of trash over her shoulder.

[28:41] And you're like, who the fuck does this?

Elliott Kalan

[28:43] Ew, it's going to get trash juice all over your clothes.

Hallie Haglund

[28:45] She's wearing her nice clothes at that point.

Elliott Kalan

[28:47] Yeah, she's wearing a tuxedo with tails.

Dan McCoy

[28:49] She's wearing her street clothes.

[28:50] She's not wearing her uniform.

[28:52] No, that's true.

Elliott Kalan

[28:53] And she's holding a garbage bag over her shoulder in a way that she's guaranteed to get crap on her.

[28:56] Yeah, garbage juice.

[28:57] And Stuart, you made a very good point that it's restaurant garbage.

[29:00] It probably has some broken glass in there.

[29:01] Broken glass, maybe a French fry or some kind of grease.

Hallie Haglund

[29:05] I totally French that fry.

[29:07] Some kind of greased up spoon.

Dan McCoy

[29:08] Probably a bunch of AIDS needles in there.

[29:12] Yeah, it's lousy with them.

[29:13] Yeah, yeah, because that's that kind of dynamic.

[29:15] And lousy is appropriate because there's probably louses.

Elliott Kalan

[29:19] That's the plural of that word.

Dan McCoy

[29:22] Use the carbon rods from a nuclear plant.

[29:25] Yeah, why not?

[29:26] Just throw it in there.

[29:26] That's how you get pancakes with the works.

Elliott Kalan

[29:28] And probably just like a gremlin, still alive, just kind of trying to get out of the bag.

[29:35] So there's a flyer and she removes it and says, hi, friends, on the window.

[29:40] Hi, friend.

[29:41] Hi, friend, sorry.

[29:42] A hi, friend on the window.

[29:43] And a hand suddenly from inside the car slaps the window.

[29:47] And she opens the door and there's nobody there.

[29:49] Which is crazy.

[29:50] Why would you open the door?

Stuart Wellington

[29:51] Trying to give her a high turn.

[29:52] If I saw that, I would be like, fuck this.

[29:54] I'm going back inside.

Elliott Kalan

[29:55] Yeah, I'm going to leave.

[29:56] I'm going to blow up this car.

[29:58] I'm going to left-eye Lopez this car.

[30:02] Wait a minute.

[30:03] That's what happened?

Hallie Haglund

[30:03] Left-eye Lopez died in a plane crash.

[30:05] No, no, she didn't.

[30:06] She burned her.

[30:06] That was Aaliyah.

[30:07] Didn't she?

[30:08] Oh.

Elliott Kalan

[30:08] No, I think left-eye Lopez did too.

[30:10] Didn't she light her boyfriend's car on fire?

Stuart Wellington

[30:12] Oh, I don't know.

[30:13] I thought it was her.

[30:13] Listeners, write in if you know the backstory of TLC.

[30:16] Which member of TLC?

[30:17] Phone lines are open.

[30:18] Call in right now.

[30:20] I'll check, I'll, yeah, just call my number.

Elliott Kalan

[30:23] It's 112 Fake Street.

[30:25] Stuart is staring his phone right now.

[30:27] His number is 1-800...

[30:29] You can shoot me a text.

[30:30] 1-800-NewYorkNewYork.com.

[30:35] I thought she was the one who lit her boyfriend, her NFL boyfriend's car on fire.

[30:39] That's possible.

Hallie Haglund

[30:39] Anyway, but that was a...

[30:41] She did die in a plane crash also.

[30:43] Not just Aaliyah.

Elliott Kalan

[30:44] Okay, stop looking at me like that.

Dan McCoy

[30:45] Yeah, right, like two people died in plane crashes.

[30:47] Next you're going to tell me that Leonard Skinner died in a plane crash.

[30:51] He did?

Elliott Kalan

[30:53] Yep, Leonard Skinner did.

[30:56] But that was a creepy moment, just like a hand, and you don't know who the owner of this hand is, and just slaps the window in.

[31:02] But she opens the door, there's nobody there.

Stuart Wellington

[31:03] Yeah, it's one of like many decent jump scares this movie uses.

[31:07] Yeah, they're not...

[31:07] The other one where they had the boyfriend investigate the mystery of the pool tarp.

Elliott Kalan

[31:12] And that's when she's...

[31:14] Which is that it is strangely not attached properly.

Stuart Wellington

[31:17] So we're watching this, and we're like, that dude's going to fucking drown in there, right?

[31:20] And so while he's fiddling with the pool tarp, it cuts to Lane?

Elliott Kalan

[31:25] Let's just make it clear.

[31:26] Unlike other tarps we've talked about on this show, there is not any sort of low-budget lesbian orgy taking place on it.

[31:31] No, none at all.

[31:32] This is a regular pool tarp.

Hallie Haglund

[31:33] She didn't die in a plane crash, she died in a car crash.

Elliott Kalan

[31:36] Oh, then I feel bad, I'm sorry.

[31:37] Did she light her boyfriend's car on fire?

[31:40] We'll find out in a second.

[31:41] We'll get back to that in a second.

[31:42] Look it up, and if anyone was offended by that, I was not referring to her death in a car crash.

Hallie Haglund

[31:46] Tennis shoes.

[31:47] When she set fire to Andre Rison's tennis shoes in a bathtub.

[31:52] Oh.

[31:52] It set the house on fire, right?

[31:55] Which ultimately spread to the mansion they shared.

[31:59] Okay, I got her house.

[32:01] So yeah, she really buried the lead, so focused on the tennis shoes.

Elliott Kalan

[32:05] So it was a house I was thinking of, not a car.

[32:07] I apologize.

[32:08] I think I was thinking of, what's the movie where the woman lights her boyfriend's car on fire

[32:12] because he's cheated on her or something?

Hallie Haglund

[32:14] There's Mr. Pizza where she dumps all those fish in his car.

Elliott Kalan

[32:17] That's not the same thing at all.

[32:19] Fish represent water, which is the opposite of fire.

Hallie Haglund

[32:21] There was Tiger Woods' wife where she broke-

[32:25] That's not a movie.

Dan McCoy

[32:27] Not yet.

[32:28] That astronaut lady drove across the country.

[32:32] In a diaper.

[32:33] In a diaper.

Elliott Kalan

[32:34] That's not what I'm talking about.

[32:35] No.

[32:36] Those are all mostly things involving cars.

[32:38] There was that movie, Cars?

Stuart Wellington

[32:41] Where one of the poor cars was set on fire.

Dan McCoy

[32:43] With the horrifying, sentient cars.

[32:46] A dystopian nightmare future world where cars have taken over.

Elliott Kalan

[32:50] So Isabella goes home.

[32:51] She runs a bath.

[32:52] She starts flossing as anyone would right before they take a bath, especially when you're a teenager.

[32:57] And suddenly her mouth gets sewn up.

[32:59] Ah!

[33:00] And her eyes cloud over.

[33:01] And you think she's going to drown in the bathtub.

[33:03] Instead, she's levitating.

[33:04] And then she falls and hits her head on the sink.

[33:06] And that's how it kills her.

[33:07] So the ghost, yeah, covers its tracks.

[33:09] Now, I can't remember the order of the movie.

[33:11] Have we already seen the ghost by this point or no?

[33:13] No.

[33:13] Okay.

[33:14] So that's when they contact the ghost.

[33:15] They find out the ghost is-

[33:17] There's two ghosts.

[33:18] There's a girl who's had her mouth sewn shut.

[33:20] And there's an older woman who is presumably the ghostly mother.

Hallie Haglund

[33:24] No, it's not presumably.

[33:27] It's told through the Ouija board.

[33:29] Mother is spelled out.

[33:29] Oh, that's right.

Stuart Wellington

[33:30] Mother is spelled out.

[33:30] Yeah, they spelled out and then everyone's like, M-O-T-H-E-R.

[33:34] Mother.

[33:35] Yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[33:35] It's like, get out of here.

[33:37] And they're like, why?

[33:38] Is there a gas leak ghost?

[33:40] She's coming.

[33:41] And then they're like, who?

[33:43] And it's like, mother.

[33:44] It's like, you should have just left when they said get out of here.

Elliott Kalan

[33:46] I wish that instead that they were like, let's name women until the Ouija board tells us we've

[33:50] got the right one.

[33:51] Who's coming?

[33:52] Is it Nia Peoples?

[33:53] No.

[33:54] Is it Jada Pinkett Smith?

[33:56] No.

[33:56] No, it's not.

Dan McCoy

[33:57] Is it Mariska Hargitay?

Elliott Kalan

[33:58] Is it the late Georgia O'Keeffe?

[34:00] No, it is not.

[34:02] All right.

[34:03] Oh, come on.

[34:03] Is it Gabourey?

[34:04] No.

[34:05] Hillary Clinton.

[34:06] No.

[34:06] Idina Menzel.

[34:08] Is it the kid from Beasts of the Southern Wild?

[34:10] I don't remember her full name.

[34:12] It's Frida Kahlo.

[34:13] Frida Kahlo?

[34:16] I sort of alighted the word a little bit.

[34:19] I guess so.

[34:21] So anyway, they know that there's a ghost with an evil mother and the teens start getting

[34:27] picked off one by one just in dumb ways.

[34:30] And each time-

Stuart Wellington

[34:31] They've clearly opened a door to something they can't control.

Elliott Kalan

[34:33] Yeah, exactly.

[34:34] It's a regular Hellraiser, Wishmaster type situation.

[34:36] A regular gate.

Stuart Wellington

[34:38] If only.

[34:39] If only it was any of those three things he said.

[34:43] Even the gate?

[34:44] Yeah.

[34:45] Okay.

[34:45] The gate and gate 2?

[34:46] Sure.

[34:46] Fuck that.

[34:47] What about House?

[34:48] Speaking of Canadian characters.

[34:49] I totally watch House over this movie.

[34:51] Yeah.

[34:51] And House 2, the second story.

Dan McCoy

[34:54] John Ratzenberger?

[34:56] What?

[34:58] I mean, House 2, the second story.

[35:01] That is one of the best subtitles for Sequel.

Elliott Kalan

[35:04] Or nothing scarier.

[35:06] It's not a bungalow.

[35:09] It's not a ranch house.

Stuart Wellington

[35:11] That's what it means.

[35:12] I thought it was just saying it's the second story in the series.

Elliott Kalan

[35:14] There's so many meanings to this.

[35:17] So many levels you were going to say, right?

[35:19] Like levels in a house.

[35:20] I wish I had.

[35:22] That would have been so good.

[35:27] Cue beer opening.

[35:29] So the kids are getting killed one after another.

[35:31] They decide they're going to investigate.

[35:33] They do some very not-throw archive skimming.

[35:37] And they find that in the house.

Stuart Wellington

[35:38] They find a bunch of super fake-looking old newspapers.

Elliott Kalan

[35:41] They find a bunch of photoshopped newspapers like you would get at a carnival that would say, like,

[35:46] world's greatest lover names.

[35:47] Most terrifying bandits.

[35:49] Captured.

[35:50] With a mixture of you with a bandana in front of your face.

[35:54] And holding up for some reason a penny from that year to prove you're a time traveler or something.

[36:00] It's so much backstory for your carnival photo.

[36:06] Now, they find out that the house had – there was a mother and two daughters there.

[36:11] One of the daughters went missing.

[36:13] The mother was suspected in the disappearance, but no charges were pressed.

[36:17] And the other daughter killed the mother and was thrown in an insane asylum.

[36:20] And that was 40 years, 50 years earlier, 60 years earlier.

[36:24] Yeah, question mark.

[36:24] I wasn't quite sure what time period it was supposed to be happening in.

[36:26] No.

[36:27] That I know from one of the other articles on the fake newspaper that candidates were picked earlier than usual.

[36:35] The headline was not much clearer than that.

[36:38] Anyway, Lane decides it's time to do a little detective work.

[36:43] She goes to the crazy people home for the criminally crazy bones, and she finds the sister.

[36:49] Bump, bump, bump.

[36:50] Who functions as an exposition dump.

[36:53] And she says, oh.

Hallie Haglund

[36:53] And doesn't seem crazy at all, by the way.

[36:56] It's totally normal.

Dan McCoy

[36:58] Or so we think.

[36:59] Super cogent, at least.

Hallie Haglund

[37:01] She's like, oh, hey, you're coming to visit?

[37:04] Oh, do you want a bunch of information on how to deal with this fucking ghost?

[37:07] Let me tell you about how I grew up.

[37:09] It wasn't easy.

Elliott Kalan

[37:15] Looking back now, I understand how hard it was for a single mom taking care of two rowdy kids.

[37:19] But at the time, how can you know?

[37:21] You just don't understand.

[37:23] You know what?

[37:24] I better call my mom.

[37:25] Do you have a Ouija board on, dudes?

[37:27] No.

[37:29] Anyway.

[37:29] Yes, I know about ghosts.

[37:32] And she says that, oh, well, my sister became, my sister and my mother got into seances.

[37:38] My sister became a medium.

[37:39] And the demons started talking through her all the time.

[37:42] And she couldn't stop talking and babbling their evil spirit stuff.

[37:45] So our mother sewed her lips shut and then killed her, I guess?

[37:48] Yeah, something like that.

[37:49] And so I killed my mother in revenge.

[37:51] And now I'm here eating Jell-O every day.

[37:54] And I get to sit around in my pajamas in a wheelchair.

[37:57] But we get crazy.

[37:58] This is the life.

[38:00] And she just starts singing weird Al Yankovic songs.

[38:03] But anyway.

Hallie Haglund

[38:03] And then she's like, bring me another Jell-O.

[38:06] And the nurse is like, you're cut off.

Elliott Kalan

[38:08] I was about to say.

[38:09] Leave the bottle.

Stuart Wellington

[38:10] Yeah.

[38:11] Jell-O.

Elliott Kalan

[38:12] For us this life.

[38:12] Leave the entire bottle.

Dan McCoy

[38:14] She just has like sleeves of gelatin juice.

Elliott Kalan

[38:20] Now I'm glad you guys overlooked that I was about to say Woody Al Yankovic before.

[38:24] But I do want the listeners to write in what they think a Woody Allen, Woody Al Yankovic mashup song would be like.

Stuart Wellington

[38:28] I mean, it would basically be Johnny Dangerously, right?

Elliott Kalan

[38:32] I guess the song, you mean.

Stuart Wellington

[38:34] Yeah.

[38:34] Well, this is the life is from Johnny Dangerously.

[38:36] Yeah, yeah.

[38:37] That's true.

[38:37] But it's not like Woody Allen has a real connection.

[38:39] He's not in Johnny Dangerously?

[38:41] No, he doesn't play Johnny or Dangerously.

[38:43] So, wait.

[38:45] Oh, I guess that, no, that was Joe Piscopo.

[38:46] I was thinking of him.

[38:47] Easy.

[38:48] It's a common mistake.

[38:48] A lot of people make it.

[38:49] Very similar.

Hallie Haglund

[38:50] Okay, so basically, but through this.

Elliott Kalan

[38:53] So the lady is like, you've got to open, you've got to release her.

Hallie Haglund

[38:55] She's like, my mom's the evil one.

[38:57] My sister is not.

Elliott Kalan

[38:59] And so you've got to free my sister by cutting the strings on her lips.

[39:03] And she can stop my mom because the mom left the body in the house.

[39:07] It turns out the number two rule of using a Ouija board, never do it in a graveyard.

[39:12] Uh-oh, because there was a corpse in the house that counts as a graveyard.

[39:16] Yep, the referee allows it.

Dan McCoy

[39:18] People died all over the damn place.

[39:21] I mean, if we're going to do it that way, like, isn't that?

[39:23] Well, no, I don't think.

Stuart Wellington

[39:23] It's probably like caveman bones under us right now.

Dan McCoy

[39:25] Every place is a graveyard.

Elliott Kalan

[39:26] I think it's the presence of the body, not the fact that someone died there.

[39:31] All right.

[39:32] I know we live in a nonstop abattoir that is this planet Earth.

[39:36] Yeah.

[39:36] Oh, that's true.

[39:38] But I think it's just because the body was there.

[39:42] At most, you don't know this, but whenever a new building is built.

Hallie Haglund

[39:44] A nonstop arboretum.

Elliott Kalan

[39:47] You know, you put a positive spin on that.

Dan McCoy

[39:50] One comes out of the other, you know?

Elliott Kalan

[39:52] Nope, not at all.

Dan McCoy

[39:54] One person decays and then a tree springs up.

[39:57] Grows in Brooklyn.

[39:58] That's how we get to giving trees.

Hallie Haglund

[39:59] Especially here, yeah, in Brooklyn.

Elliott Kalan

[40:01] Yeah, where that tree grew.

[40:03] It's name, Tremor.

[40:05] The tree king of Brooklyn.

[40:07] Suddenly Tremor.

[40:10] I wish that now that HBO, when they were selling Treme, had this look, it was suddenly Treme.

[40:17] Anyway, she goes, okay, we got to go cut the threads on this corpse's mouth.

[40:24] Let's do this thing.

[40:25] And her friends are like, shit, let's do it.

[40:27] They're like, we got no other choice.

[40:28] This ghost is stalking the crap out of us.

[40:31] They go and they go to-

Hallie Haglund

[40:33] They're like, no, but it's TGIF.

[40:37] You don't want to watch step by step.

[40:39] It's TGIF.

Elliott Kalan

[40:39] Mussy TV over here.

[40:40] And Herbic Strangers the later seasons.

[40:42] You know when they were living with their wives in that house?

Hallie Haglund

[40:46] But she was like, no, sorry.

[40:48] You're going to have to Tivo it.

[40:50] They're saying-

[40:51] Because there's no time.

Dan McCoy

[40:52] No, sorry, it's not the 90s.

[40:55] You can't do that anymore.

[40:56] You can't do that on television.

[40:59] Anymore.

Elliott Kalan

[41:00] We wanted to go down to the Museum of Television and Radio and recreate a TGIF lineup of One Friday Night.

Dan McCoy

[41:06] Have you ever done that?

[41:07] We were going to go to the-

[41:08] No, that'd be pretty fun.

[41:09] They were going to reunite the cast of everything.

[41:11] Of everything.

Elliott Kalan

[41:13] They were going to reunite the cast of every show.

[41:15] All the way back to Captain Video and Playhouse 90.

[41:18] Through to the hits of today.

[41:21] Has Ugly Betty ever met Make Room for Daddy?

[41:25] Now they will.

[41:28] It's the biggest television panel in history.

Dan McCoy

[41:30] What about My Two Dads and My Three Sons?

Elliott Kalan

[41:33] There's five of them right there on stage.

[41:35] All of them.

Dan McCoy

[41:38] Killikens Island and Fantasy Island?

[41:39] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[41:40] I Love Lucy and I Love the 80s?

[41:43] They're right there.

[41:47] Twilight Zone and the new Twilight Zone?

Hallie Haglund

[41:51] On one stage?

[41:54] And the cast of sisters.

Elliott Kalan

[41:57] Yep.

[41:58] That goes without saying.

[42:00] Yeah.

[42:07] Do you guess okay?

[42:10] Dan, I like watching Dan live in this one.

[42:23] Is it starting up again for real?

Dan McCoy

[42:27] Part of it is that it's genuinely funny.

[42:30] And part of it is that it's like the perfect Hallie show.

[42:34] It's true.

Elliott Kalan

[42:36] I just imagine, Hallie, you writing daily show scripts every day.

[42:39] And you're like, why aren't my jokes about the show Sisters getting on the air?

Hallie Haglund

[42:43] You don't have to imagine that because that's happened.

Elliott Kalan

[42:47] Maybe my empty nest material will make it on.

Hallie Haglund

[42:50] I've definitely written jokes about both of those shows.

[42:54] And I have even less hope now with Trevor.

Dan McCoy

[42:58] Recently, Hallie and I were both talking about how we both watched the show Dear John.

[43:03] Okay.

[43:04] And like about how like we were like, as a child, what did we see in this show where it's about Judd Hirsch dealing with his divorce in a support group?

Elliott Kalan

[43:16] It's a chilling vision of your future, I guess.

Dan McCoy

[43:20] All right.

[43:20] Thank you.

Elliott Kalan

[43:22] Oh, right.

[43:22] Because of that thing.

[43:23] Sorry.

[43:23] Anyway, so I just meant that in a general sense.

[43:27] Sure.

[43:28] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[43:28] Yeah, that you look like Judd Hirsch.

Elliott Kalan

[43:30] You should be flattered.

[43:32] You've got tons of letters.

[43:34] He was in Independence Day.

[43:36] Yeah.

[43:36] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[43:38] I'll take being Judd Hirsch.

Elliott Kalan

[43:40] For 100, Alex.

[43:41] He's got a great career.

[43:43] The star who appeared in Taxi.

[43:45] And who is Judd Hirsch?

[43:47] We really should have made this category harder.

Dan McCoy

[43:50] Being Judd Hirsch is a Charlie Kaufman movie.

Hallie Haglund

[43:54] We have to, we should, like, they're dying to know what happened next.

Elliott Kalan

[43:57] Okay, so they find.

[43:59] Not next segue.

[44:00] They find the secret compartment room in the basement.

[44:03] Inside is the daughter's corpse.

Stuart Wellington

[44:05] The daughter's ghost appears.

[44:07] With a couple of blue gems on her eyes.

Elliott Kalan

[44:09] Yeah, all sorts of spooky stuff.

[44:10] It's set up like a seance, whereas with a chalkboard with writing on her, Stuart said it was, what was it?

[44:15] The menu at a hipster.

[44:16] Like a menu at a hipster restaurant.

[44:18] The friends are getting knocked about the place by, I assume, the mom's ghost.

[44:23] And Lane is taking.

[44:24] Ghost mom.

[44:25] Yeah, the sequel to Ghost Dad.

Stuart Wellington

[44:27] Surprised that movie generated a sequel at this point.

Elliott Kalan

[44:30] Yeah, well, it's in production now.

[44:32] Somebody in Hollywood just heard that Bill Cosby was in the news.

[44:35] They didn't read the story.

[44:36] They're like, get me Leonard Part 7.

[44:38] Get me Ghost Mom.

[44:40] Get me, did he make any other movies?

[44:42] He was in Meteor Man.

[44:42] Well, he made Uptown Saturday Night.

[44:44] Oh, that's true.

[44:44] He made all those movies in the 70s.

[44:46] Yeah, Mother Judges and Speed.

[44:47] Or whatever.

[44:49] Yeah.

[44:50] Let's Do It Again was about him.

[44:51] Who was Speed?

[44:53] Assaulting women.

[44:54] Yeah.

[44:54] Speed?

[44:55] Yeah.

[44:56] Keanu Reeves.

[44:56] And again.

[44:56] Okay.

[44:57] And again.

[44:57] But he was really young when Mother Judges and Speed was made.

[44:59] So it was Rockel Welch, Bill Cosby, and baby Keanu Reeves.

[45:04] Part of Jim Henson's Keanu Reeves babies.

[45:06] Little Keanu.

[45:07] Little Keanu Reeves.

[45:08] Little Keanu Reeves.

[45:09] So they manage to stop.

[45:12] They manage to do it.

[45:12] She cuts the threads on the corpse.

[45:15] The girl ghost is allowed to scream.

[45:18] And she screams the mom ghost into dust.

[45:20] Case closed.

[45:22] But there's still like 20 minutes left in this movie.

[45:24] Is this going to pull a ring?

Dan McCoy

[45:26] Yeah.

[45:26] Everyone guessed.

[45:27] Everyone made the same guess.

[45:29] It's like, oh, they're going to pull a ring on us.

[45:31] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[45:31] Pulling a ring on somebody means that you think you helped the right ghost, but it turns out

[45:36] you helped the wrong ghost.

Hallie Haglund

[45:37] I thought it meant someone was going to propose to me.

[45:40] So the 20 minutes, the last 20 minutes of the movie were very different from me.

Elliott Kalan

[45:44] Natalie was just darting her eyes around the room wondering which of us was going to pop the question.

[45:48] Like nervously being like, which one of these people do I have to turn down?

[45:51] Oh, I thought, which?

[45:52] So who will I spend the rest of my life with?

[45:54] What?

[45:54] Because one of those things where you like threw a bunch of letters up in the air to see what the initials of your future husband would be.

[46:00] Sure.

[46:01] She was looking at herself in a compact.

Stuart Wellington

[46:02] Oh, you used a Ouija board to figure out the secret.

[46:05] Okay.

[46:05] It's probably a mistake.

[46:06] What did it tell you?

[46:07] The X-I.

Elliott Kalan

[46:08] My husband's name will be yes.

[46:12] My husband's name will be Parker Brother.

[46:15] I'm going to marry one of the Parker Brothers.

[46:17] Or both of them.

[46:19] The future is very liberal.

[46:22] So it turns out she goes back.

[46:24] So Debbie's ex-boyfriend, he gets killed.

[46:27] Same way.

[46:28] Eyes cloud over.

[46:30] And what was his death all about?

Hallie Haglund

[46:32] He goes into his room and she's like chilling next to his computer.

Elliott Kalan

[46:37] And he's like, Debbie?

[46:39] But you're daddy.

[46:40] And then Debbie turns into evil girl ghost and she screams him into dust.

Hallie Haglund

[46:47] And his lips get all sewn up.

Elliott Kalan

[46:49] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[46:49] She doesn't scream him in dust.

[46:50] That comes later.

[46:52] His eyes cloud over and he gets his lips all sewn up and he gets zombified.

[46:55] We're taking four fucking hours.

[46:57] So is there a way to just skip to the very end of this?

[46:59] So Lane goes to the crazy house.

[47:01] She says, you set me up.

[47:03] We helped her and we helped the wrong ghost.

[47:05] And she was like, now she'll do things for me.

[47:09] And so they have to go.

[47:11] She finds out from her abuela that you have to destroy the Ouija board and the corpse.

Dan McCoy

[47:17] This is a character.

[47:18] We did forget that.

[47:19] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[47:19] That she has a Ouija board in her room and her vaguely ethnic grandmother finds it.

Hallie Haglund

[47:24] Is that her grandmother?

[47:25] I thought it was her cleaning room.

Elliott Kalan

[47:27] The only time you see her, she's picking up laundry on a staircase.

Hallie Haglund

[47:32] That's the reason why.

Dan McCoy

[47:33] But also, like, Elliot was like, is there going to be like a vaguely ethnic housekeeper that.

Elliott Kalan

[47:40] That like tells her like, you should not be dealing with these things.

[47:43] And then immediately that's what she said.

[47:45] Yeah.

[47:46] So she only appears twice in the movie.

[47:49] Once to say, don't play with Ouija boards.

[47:51] Because being an immigrant, I have a connection to mystical things.

[47:54] Yep.

[47:54] And the second time to say, oh, well, you need to destroy the Ouija board and the corpse.

[47:59] And it's like, why didn't you talk to her earlier about this?

Hallie Haglund

[48:01] And then the third time to say, housekeeping.

[48:05] Howie.

[48:05] Just kidding.

[48:06] Sure.

[48:07] No, I was saying because they marginalized her.

[48:11] And it was sick in the movie.

[48:13] Yeah.

[48:14] And I just wanted to heighten that to shame them.

Elliott Kalan

[48:17] Thank you.

[48:18] I think the ladies know what she's talking about.

[48:20] Yeah, right?

[48:21] I think Las Ninas.

[48:23] I guess that's girls, not ladies.

Hallie Haglund

[48:24] Las chicas saben de que yo hablo.

[48:29] No?

[48:30] Bueno.

Elliott Kalan

[48:31] Now, so they go back to the seance dungeon.

[48:34] They're all, the ghost is tossing everybody around, throwing them up and down, you know.

[48:38] And they manage, she, and so, and the ghost is attacking Lane's sister, who we haven't even touched on.

[48:45] But she's like the weakest badass punk kid that there ever was.

[48:48] Lane starts using a Ouija board to draw the ghost over.

[48:50] She's like, DZ, which is the name of the ghost.

[48:53] I'm playing by myself.

[48:54] You have to join me.

[48:56] Which was not a rule that was ever mentioned.

[48:58] But the ghost comes over and joins her.

[49:00] Yeah, I think it makes sense.

[49:00] And starts twisting her arm around until it's almost backwards.

[49:03] It looks like things are bad for the teens until.

[49:06] Her eyes cloud over.

[49:07] Her eyes start to cloud over until, dun-dun.

[49:09] A third hand touches the planchette.

[49:11] It's Debbie's ghost.

[49:12] She's come back to help them.

[49:15] Apparently it's something that could have happened at any time.

[49:17] Yeah, Debbie was really waiting for the right moment to come in.

Hallie Haglund

[49:20] Yeah, after all of her friends got killed.

Elliott Kalan

[49:22] And while Debbie's ghost is.

[49:23] She likes the drama.

Hallie Haglund

[49:25] Well, she was in this dinner.

[49:27] That's Debbie all over.

Elliott Kalan

[49:28] That's Debbie.

[49:29] Save the drama for your mama, who you screamed into dust.

[49:32] Anyway, so while she's struggling with the ghost, her sister just kind of casually walks in with a corpse in her arms and tosses it into a furnace.

[49:40] I was like, getting rid of this.

[49:42] A lot of junk.

[49:43] Spring cleaning.

[49:45] What was I kidding?

[49:45] I'm never going to look at this corpse again.

[49:47] Toss it away.

[49:48] Why did I hold on to this?

[49:49] You know what they say.

Dan McCoy

[49:50] You put everything in front of you, you touch it.

[49:52] And if it doesn't bring you joy, you get rid of it.

Elliott Kalan

[49:53] I was going to say, my dad and I.

Dan McCoy

[49:54] This corpse is not bringing me any joy.

Elliott Kalan

[49:56] No.

[49:56] My dad and I this weekend were going through some of his father's old papers that he had been keeping.

[50:01] And we went through, and it was like receipts for shirts and things like that.

[50:05] It was the dumbest stuff.

[50:06] And my dad was like, I can't believe I've been carrying this around for 40 years.

[50:10] These old checks that he wrote to the power company in 1972.

[50:14] But we went through those with more excitement than this woman went, than this girl had with throwing a corpse into a furnace to stop a ghost attack.

[50:24] They throw the Ouija board in, and the girl ghost is like, ow.

[50:27] I do not care for this, yeah.

[50:29] And disappears, once again dissolves into dust, leaves nothing but a shadow on the wall, and everything is okay.

[50:37] Or is it?

[50:38] Or is it?

[50:39] What?

[50:41] Because she gets home.

[50:43] Lane does, right?

[50:45] Yes.

[50:46] And there's like a Ouija board there.

[50:48] No, just the planchette.

[50:49] Oh, just the planchette.

[50:50] Just hanging out.

[50:50] And she holds it up to her eye, and before we can see if her eye clouds over and she sees any ghosts, cut to the credits.

[50:56] Smash cut.

Stuart Wellington

[50:57] We don't know what to hear.

[50:58] Ghost down.

[51:00] Wee-gee.

[51:01] Wee-gee down.

Elliott Kalan

[51:03] Don't touch that board.

[51:04] Wee-gee ma.

[51:06] Wee-gee ma.

[51:07] You might as well.

[51:11] Wee-gee.

[51:12] Go ahead and Wee-gee.

[51:14] Welcome to the Wee-gee.

[51:16] We got fun and games.

[51:17] Life in the fast Wee-gee.

[51:19] Yep.

[51:20] Running on Wee-gee.

Stuart Wellington

[51:21] That's funny because there's a character named Lane in the movie, and you swap that lane for Wee-gee.

[51:26] Appropriate.

[51:27] Good point.

Elliott Kalan

[51:28] Anyway, so the movie leaves.

[51:28] Everybody reflect on that for a minute.

[51:29] The movie leaves us on a very weak cliffhanger as we wait for Wee-gee 2, because this movie was a huge hit.

Stuart Wellington

[51:38] It also went through substantial rewrites, right?

[51:40] Reshoots.

[51:41] Reshoots.

[51:41] Wow.

Elliott Kalan

[51:42] According to Wikipedia, they reshot like half the movie.

[51:45] Oh, man.

Stuart Wellington

[51:46] But they must have left all that gold on the cutting room floor.

Hallie Haglund

[51:49] Yep.

[51:50] I'm dying for the unedited version released.

[51:54] Apparently, none of the DVD releases have it.

Stuart Wellington

[51:56] Were they morphed the two versions of the movie together?

Dan McCoy

[51:58] They should have a second version.

[51:59] They should have it like...

[52:00] Like Anchorman?

[52:01] Yeah.

[52:02] I was going to say the Anchorman.

[52:04] The shitty Anchorman movie they put out with all the extra footage.

[52:07] Wow.

[52:08] I mean...

[52:08] Meow.

[52:09] Sorry.

[52:09] Was the title the shitty Anchorman movie?

[52:10] It was not meant to be seen by anyone.

[52:12] That's why they cut all that stuff.

Hallie Haglund

[52:14] I hope none of the Anchorman are listening.

Stuart Wellington

[52:18] More like...

[52:19] No, I actually...

[52:20] I mean, I hope they are so they can recommend this great podcast to their friends.

[52:23] I'm sorry, Paul Rudd.

[52:24] You're a national treasure.

Elliott Kalan

[52:26] The other members of Anchorman's cast.

[52:28] Not sorry.

[52:29] You hear that?

[52:30] Christina Applegate.

[52:31] David Koechner.

[52:32] David Koechner.

[52:33] And that animated, what, bear or whatever that they ride at that one point?

[52:37] What is it?

[52:38] Ted?

[52:38] When he's playing flute.

Stuart Wellington

[52:39] Yep.

[52:40] On a unicorn or something.

[52:40] Ted.

[52:40] The animated bear from a different movie.

[52:42] Okay.

Hallie Haglund

[52:43] He had to start somewhere, okay?

Stuart Wellington

[52:45] Yeah, he was an extra in Anchorman.

Hallie Haglund

[52:47] That wasn't his first movie.

Elliott Kalan

[52:48] All these movies where there's just like a CGI...

[52:51] You get the starring role right away.

[52:52] There's a CGI teddy bear in the background because Ted had to work his way up through the ranks.

[52:56] I forgot that Ted...

[52:57] That's the most like Seth MacFarlane-y gag.

[52:59] I forgot that Ted had a recurring part on Step by Step.

Hallie Haglund

[53:02] Listen, does nobody make the connection?

[53:04] I think that quite possibly Ted could be Teddy Ruxpin.

[53:08] Teddy Ruxpin was the child star and he turned into Ted.

Stuart Wellington

[53:13] Okay.

[53:14] Wait, have you seen the movie Ted?

[53:15] No.

[53:17] You're just making up what could have happened in that movie.

Dan McCoy

[53:19] So Dan, what's our final judgments on this thing?

[53:21] Was this movie totally scarifying, totally snorifying, or frighteningly funny?

[53:28] Stuart, let's make all these quick.

Stuart Wellington

[53:30] Man, this shit was super scarifying.

[53:32] So many jump scares and there was a ring twist-a-rooney.

[53:36] Thumbs up.

[53:37] Or down.

[53:38] I don't know what scarifying means.

Hallie Haglund

[53:42] Allie?

[53:42] Oh, sorry.

[53:43] I thought this movie sucked.

[53:46] I have appreciated other movies.

[53:49] I definitely picked that awkward moment over this.

[53:52] Just in case you think I hate all movies.

[53:54] I've appreciated other movies.

[53:55] No, but it was like nobody had any, like, you know, like at least develop the characters.

[54:00] I mean, what makes Lane tick?

[54:03] Besides ghosts.

Elliott Kalan

[54:05] We didn't even mention the fact that she finds a flash drive inside that Penguin keychain

[54:11] and there's just video of it on it of her friend finding the Ouija board and then using it for the first time.

[54:16] Like, this is a lazy movie.

[54:18] Yeah.

[54:18] It's snorifying.

[54:20] That's all I have to say.

[54:20] I'd say it's snorifying.

[54:21] It's a very, it's like a lazy, bland, generic movie.

[54:24] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[54:26] We're Dave and Graham and we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.

[54:34] We started this podcast back in 2008 before podcasts had to have any kind of concept,

[54:39] so we don't really know how to describe it.

Stuart Wellington

[54:41] It's kind of like going to the barber shop if your barber knew all about the first season of the show Elf.

Dan McCoy

[54:48] It's like a 90-minute massage where the masseuse is two people talking to each other with a third person.

[54:53] It's like the Monsters of Metal tour, only quieter, no music, and just talking.

[54:59] It's like a make-out session, but without the lips touching, they just talk a lot.

[55:03] Download Stop Podcasting Yourself from iTunes or MaximumFun.org.

Stuart Wellington

[55:11] What's the next thing we do?

Dan McCoy

[55:12] It's letters from listeners.

Stuart Wellington

[55:15] From listeners.

[55:17] And you.

Hallie Haglund

[55:19] And you.

[55:20] And you.

[55:21] And you and you.

Elliott Kalan

[55:23] Is that supposed to be one of my songs?

[55:26] We got those letters.

[55:29] Letter night.

[55:30] We'll read a bunch of letters for Shocktober and it's scary times.

[55:35] Letters.

[55:37] Letters stuff.

[55:38] You wrote them and we read them and then you listen to it.

[55:44] Letters.

[55:45] From out of the mailbox.

[55:47] Come the words.

[55:48] That's your Vincent Price.

[55:49] Letters.

Dan McCoy

[55:50] Why do you?

[55:50] That you've never heard.

Elliott Kalan

[55:51] It's not a great Vincent Price.

Dan McCoy

[55:52] From out of the mailbox, the letters come.

Elliott Kalan

[55:55] No.

[55:56] Not at all.

[55:57] No.

[55:58] I see where you're trying to go with it.

Dan McCoy

[56:00] Vincent Price.

[56:01] It's me, Vincent Price.

[56:02] Better.

[56:03] But still not great.

[56:04] I'm not Dan McCoy anymore.

[56:05] I'm Vincent Price.

[56:07] No.

[56:08] It's too.

[56:08] I'm sort of Vincent Price mixed with Orson Welles.

[56:11] But bad.

[56:12] Orson Welles.

[56:14] There's a, there's a, there's a, there's a, there's a farm I know of where the peas grow.

Elliott Kalan

[56:19] It's like, it's like, it's like helium Orson Welles.

[56:21] Yeah.

[56:22] Orson Welles.

Hallie Haglund

[56:26] Orson Welles enough.

Dan McCoy

[56:28] Ah, the French champagne has always been known for its excellence.

Elliott Kalan

[56:34] So, well, thanks to that, no one's going to get to hear the rest of my letters spoken word section.

[56:39] But rest assured it ended with this.

[56:40] With the power of the letter.

[56:45] Cat's eyes.

[56:46] Cat's eyes.

[56:47] It was doing a cat's eyes.

[56:48] The scariest thing when I was a kid I had ever seen was Michael, not the zombies, was Michael Jackson turning around with those cat's eyes in his eyes.

[56:56] So frightening.

[56:57] You're like, I'm allergic to him.

[57:00] Oh my God.

[57:01] I'm having trouble breathing right now.

[57:04] And he's a pedophile.

[57:05] I don't know how I know that already.

Dan McCoy

[57:08] So there are some, there's some gifts from listeners that I'm first going to.

[57:12] Oh, let's pronounce jifs.

[57:14] First want to hand out.

[57:15] There's some Ouija jifs.

[57:17] Dan, I don't want a gift handout.

[57:18] I want a gift hand up.

[57:19] I want to.

[57:20] So I want to thank the people for these gifts.

[57:24] Unfortunately, I lost the letter that went along with this first thing.

[57:29] Wow.

[57:30] Because you jerked off on it so much.

[57:32] Whoa.

[57:32] Hallie.

[57:33] I lost it because I jerked off on it.

[57:35] He lost the words.

[57:37] They just got all blurry.

Elliott Kalan

[57:39] He lost it.

[57:40] He lost it.

[57:41] I lost respect for that letter after I jerked off on it.

[57:43] And then you were like, get out of here.

[57:45] The money's on the table letter.

[57:47] So this is a PS.

[57:48] You don't have to slam the door too hard on your way out, toots.

Dan McCoy

[57:51] This is the PS4 game Evolve.

[57:53] Okay.

[57:53] And it was a gift from one of the people who worked on it.

[57:56] I'm really sorry that I lost.

[57:58] That's really cool, though.

[57:59] But the team who worked on it signed it.

[58:02] Oh, awesome.

[58:03] Oh, that's awesome.

[58:04] One says.

[58:07] Squiggly.

[58:08] Joe Fowler.

[58:11] One says Matt A.

[58:13] One looks like maybe a B.

[58:15] There's a B in there.

[58:18] One of the things that says cars.

[58:22] One says Mrs. Not Dad.

Elliott Kalan

[58:25] I think that says Lars.

[58:27] Mrs. Not Dad.

Dan McCoy

[58:28] Well, Ms.

[58:29] It's probably Ms. Not Dad.

[58:31] Ms.

[58:31] And that looks kind of like not.

[58:32] That definitely looks like Dad.

[58:33] Are you sure that's Mom and Dad?

[58:34] Dan.

[58:35] Dan.

[58:35] Okay.

[58:36] Yeah, yeah.

[58:36] Anyway, so thank you.

[58:38] This has been the Teaching Dan How to Read segment.

[58:41] I'm going to hand this over to Stuart because he has a PS4.

Elliott Kalan

[58:43] Okay, I'm going to play this game.

[58:45] Thank you.

[58:46] The first video game based on the movie Olver, which involves a ghost.

Dan McCoy

[58:49] Thank you for that.

[58:52] I want to thank.

[58:54] I got a gift for myself.

[58:56] I didn't get it for myself.

[58:58] It was given to me.

Elliott Kalan

[58:59] Dear Dan, you're my favorite.

[59:00] Love, Dan.

[59:01] I bought this off your wish list.

Hallie Haglund

[59:02] I just wanted to thank you personally in the podcast, Dan.

[59:06] Dan, I had a hunch you wanted this because I'm you.

[59:09] You should give that to someone.

Dan McCoy

[59:11] It's from Amy Pascal who wrote it.

[59:14] Oh, cool.

[59:15] It's a biography of Joss Whedon.

[59:20] Joss Whedon?

Elliott Kalan

[59:21] No, it's what I say after I tell a joke.

[59:23] I'm like, Joss Whedon.

[59:26] Hey, guys, I'm Joss Whedon.

[59:27] Joss Whedon with you.

Dan McCoy

[59:28] Thank you so much to Amy for the gift.

[59:32] I will read it in good health and excitement.

[59:35] That means the bathroom.

[59:38] That's a cool gift.

[59:39] Hopefully it's good health.

[59:40] This is not specifically for anyone, but I think it's going to go to Elliot because...

[59:45] Because I am currently giftless right now.

[59:46] He's currently giftless.

Elliott Kalan

[59:48] This is from Andy...

[59:53] Give Hallie.

[59:56] Give Hallie.

Dan McCoy

[59:57] This is from Andy Toohey.

[59:59] It's called Great Film Directors A to Z, and it has illustrations of film directors along

[1:00:05] with brief biographies of them.

[1:00:07] But the meat of it is these lovely illustrations of all these film directors.

[1:00:13] That's very nice.

[1:00:14] Awesome.

Hallie Haglund

[1:00:15] You should look up Ingmar Bergman.

[1:00:16] I bet it's just a huge pair of tits.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:19] I guarantee you it is not.

[1:00:21] I think you're thinking of something like a Bill Pullman, Bill Paxton situation.

[1:00:26] No.

[1:00:26] Where Bill Paxton is really into chicks with big knockers.

Hallie Haglund

[1:00:28] You guys are going to be so shamed.

[1:00:31] It is true that...

[1:00:32] We will not be.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:34] Okay.

[1:00:34] Even if we're wrong, we won't be shamed.

Hallie Haglund

[1:00:36] I mean, you should be, because you are embarrassing yourself.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:41] I mean, Dan's been working out.

[1:00:42] He looks pretty great.

[1:00:43] Thanks.

Hallie Haglund

[1:00:46] I saw Dan actually do a pull-up today, and I was impressed.

[1:00:49] Yeah.

[1:00:50] He was like, oh, yeah, you're a man.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:54] Yeah.

[1:00:54] It often gets forgotten by many people.

[1:00:58] That, oh, yeah, you're a man.

[1:00:59] Uh-huh.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:02] Yeah.

[1:01:03] Thanks, Andy.

[1:01:05] That's great.

[1:01:06] We love...

[1:01:07] Yep.

[1:01:08] A shambling mound.

[1:01:11] Yeah, we love getting gifts.

[1:01:12] Thank you so much for these.

[1:01:13] Yeah.

[1:01:13] Thanks, everybody.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:14] Send us more gifts.

[1:01:15] Or don't.

[1:01:15] Just listen.

[1:01:16] I don't know.

[1:01:16] Thank you for giving every single one of us a gift.

[1:01:19] Everybody in this room.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:20] I've actually received a couple movies.

[1:01:22] It's too bad that Hallie died, or else we'd give her a gift.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:24] I've received a couple movies as gifts that I haven't had a chance to watch yet, so I feel bad.

[1:01:28] I'm still alive.

[1:01:30] I'm still alive.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:30] She somehow, her mouth got sewn up.

[1:01:32] No.

[1:01:32] No, that's what I wished happened.

[1:01:33] I mean...

[1:01:33] So she'd be quiet.

[1:01:34] Oh.

[1:01:38] You said that like you were upset and also a little intrigued.

[1:01:42] I never.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:45] So...

[1:01:45] This first letter is from Jeff, last name withheld, who writes,

[1:01:52] While eating breakfast alone this morning, but not for any sad reasons,

[1:01:55] I happened to overhear some people at the table next to mine talking about movies.

[1:01:59] Talking about ordering the pancake with the works.

[1:02:02] After a lady recommended that her companion see the excellent new Pixar film Inside Out,

[1:02:06] a gentleman at the table semi-dismissed it as a kid's movie,

[1:02:10] and instead recommended that his friends check out the hilarious movie for adults he'd just seen,

[1:02:14] Last Vegas.

[1:02:16] He loved all the zany antics that, quote,

[1:02:18] Mike Douglas and company got up to.

[1:02:20] Mike Douglas.

[1:02:21] But he especially liked the part where the main characters deny 50 cent entry to their party,

[1:02:25] which seemed to have filled him with a level of joy that only makes sense if he had a personal grudge against 50 cent.

[1:02:30] He might be the guy who shot 50 cent.

[1:02:32] Racist.

[1:02:32] Anyway, it got me thinking.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:33] He then completed his breakfast of, I'm guessing, diarrhea and other stupid shit.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:39] You don't want to eat that food.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:41] Have some poop.

[1:02:42] Have any of you ever encountered someone who really loves a really terrible movie?

[1:02:47] I don't mean the thing where a certain flopper, asterisk,

[1:02:50] recommending a movie that isn't very good over and over again.

[1:02:54] Double asterisk.

[1:02:55] But more a 10,000 BC or Oogie Loves level badness.

[1:02:58] That Talking Heads movie that Dan's always talking about.

[1:03:00] A movie so bad you can't fathom someone actually enjoying it.

[1:03:03] What do you do in that situation?

[1:03:05] R-U-C-K in the USA.

[1:03:07] Jeff, last name withheld.

[1:03:08] Oh, twist ending.

[1:03:10] Asterisk.

[1:03:11] Elliot, the Devil, and Daniel Webster.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:13] Whoa.

[1:03:14] Whoa.

[1:03:14] That's a great movie.

[1:03:16] I've only recommended it like twice, I think.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:19] Sorry, I'm distracted by the adorableness that is Hallie trying to open a beer.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:25] Yeah, it's like a mouse in a Disney cartoon trying to open a human-sized bottle.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:29] It's like a squirrel trying to break an acorn open.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:35] It's like one of those-

[1:03:36] I got it!

[1:03:37] It's like one of Mary Melody's cartoons that just take place in a world where objects come to life at night.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:45] So I've encountered this situation.

[1:03:46] I'm an object.

[1:03:49] Whoa.

[1:03:49] Just kidding.

[1:03:51] This happened to me kind of recently.

[1:03:53] I had a barback who worked for me who-

[1:03:56] Barback Mountain.

[1:03:57] Who could not stop talking about his favorite movie, a movie called Boondock Saints.

[1:04:03] And every time he started talking about Boondock Saints, I'm like, this is going to affect your tip out, buddy.

[1:04:08] And then he would try and find internet proof that Boondock Saints rules.

[1:04:13] He was never able to.

[1:04:14] Yeah, the movie's drool.

[1:04:16] Yep.

[1:04:17] So the way I dealt with it is by making fun of him.

[1:04:20] He called up, look who's talking.

[1:04:20] I mean, like Beethoven does drool, yeah.

[1:04:24] Yeah.

[1:04:25] Turner and Hooch.

[1:04:27] There's a lot of drool in that.

[1:04:29] Very drooly.

[1:04:30] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:31] So, Stuart, you were saying the story?

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:33] I don't know.

[1:04:34] I just fucked with this guy a bunch.

[1:04:35] Sent him text messages of movie reviews, Rotten Tomatoes scores, et cetera.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:39] I think if you're having fun with it, that's one thing.

[1:04:41] But on a serious level, all you can do is say, hey, buddy, I didn't like that movie, but you like it.

[1:04:48] That's okay.

[1:04:49] We don't all have to hate the same things.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:50] Wow, Live and Let Live from Killer Kalen.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:52] What I realized is that I am a strange man with a lot of strange opinions about things.

[1:04:56] And if I'm going to ask people not to judge me by them, I can't judge other people by them.

[1:05:00] Or I can judge them silently.

[1:05:02] In my head, I can be like, if this person ever recommends a movie to me, I'm not going to watch it.

[1:05:06] The way that my mom will be like, here's a movie you'll like, and she'll recommend a movie I won't like.

[1:05:10] It's a movie that she likes.

[1:05:11] Yeah.

[1:05:12] That that's, you know what?

[1:05:13] I just say, oh, I'll see that sometime, and then I don't.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:16] I want to introduce you to a little maneuver called the smile and nod.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:21] The old S.A.M.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:24] I can't believe you've been doing that to me the whole time, Dan.

[1:05:27] Oops.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:29] That's out of the bag.

[1:05:30] Turns out Dan doesn't even like porn.

[1:05:31] He was just smiling and nodding whenever Stuart mentioned it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:34] You got to see this thing.

[1:05:35] It's amazing.

[1:05:36] There's a naked lady in it, and she totally does it.

[1:05:38] Yeah, sure.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:40] Sure.

[1:05:40] Makes your penis real big.

[1:05:41] Whatever.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:43] You sound like you're delivering the moral to a bully in a sitcom.

[1:05:47] Yeah.

[1:05:48] Bet it made your penis real big.

[1:05:50] Now you don't have any friends.

[1:05:52] Was it worth it?

[1:05:56] Feels good, doesn't it?

[1:05:57] Having a temporarily bigger penis.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:59] Maybe you should learn for your heart to ejaculate.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:06] You forgot it's more important to have a boner in your courage.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:14] So, Hallie, how do you deal with people when they don't like movies that are good?

[1:06:18] Or when they like movies that are bad?

[1:06:20] I usually think that I'm wrong.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:24] That's another valid way of going about it.

[1:06:29] Lean in, Hallie.

Hallie Haglund

[1:06:30] Sadly, the ladies know what I'm talking about.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:36] So, this next letter goes like this.

[1:06:38] Dear Radio Zork, I vote to stare at the door intently while studying its material composition

[1:06:43] and assessing the quality of its craftsmanship.

[1:06:47] Greg, last name withheld.

[1:06:49] That's a pretty good response.

Hallie Haglund

[1:06:50] Why do they all hold their last names?

[1:06:52] What are they afraid of?

Dan McCoy

[1:06:54] That criminal prosecution.

[1:06:56] It's against the law to write letters to us.

[1:06:58] Oh.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:02] So, Hallie, what happens with that response?

[1:07:04] So, he looked at the door.

[1:07:06] You see that the door is made of wood or possibly metal.

[1:07:10] Do you, A, continue to look at the door.

[1:07:12] B, look harder at the door.

[1:07:15] C, reach out and touch the door.

[1:07:18] Or E, I skipped D.

[1:07:21] Oh, wow.

[1:07:22] E, look for D.

[1:07:24] Send in your choice to Radio Zork, care of Murphy Brown, FYI Productions, New York, New York, 100449678235, Jenny.

[1:07:36] Sponsored by Sweet Delicious Penises, if I recall.

[1:07:39] Oh, that's right.

[1:07:40] I forgot Radio Zork was sponsored by Sweet Delicious Penises.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:46] Hallie just gave a confused, but not angry, but confused look.

Hallie Haglund

[1:07:52] I was trying to imagine a Sweet Delicious Penis.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:55] Such a thing does not exist.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:57] Well, they're available as long as, uh, wait.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:00] I mean, if you cover one with caramel, but it's going to be hell to clean off.

[1:08:03] Oh, boy.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:06] It's going to be sticking to the drawers.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:09] The bottom drawer, the top drawer, sock drawer, all of those drawers.

[1:08:13] All the drawers.

Hallie Haglund

[1:08:13] You're sticking your penis in your dresser?

[1:08:15] All the drawers that you keep your penis in.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:17] Yeah, you've got to change it up every night or else the fucking munchkins are going to grab it.

[1:08:22] Take it off to their fucking little magical lamp.

[1:08:24] The cobblers are going to cobble their penis sheath for you.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:29] Well, that's not a bad thing.

[1:08:31] You want a penis sheath.

[1:08:32] I feel like that's a comedy essay that for some reason was never written about an old cobbler who couldn't, his store was about to go out of business, and he couldn't, didn't know what to do, and then one day he woke up in the night and an elf was just, like, jerking him off.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:46] It's like, this isn't going to pay me off in the store.

[1:08:49] I appreciate it, but it's not.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:51] I better write that story and send it into Penthouse Comics when they still publish those.

[1:08:56] I'm not complaining, but.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:59] Are they still going to put naked ladies in Penthouse?

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:01] I have to assume they're going to up the naked lady quotient.

[1:09:03] Yeah, they're going to double it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:05] What about Playgirl?

[1:09:06] Is that still going to be wall-to-wall penises?

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:08] I assume so.

[1:09:09] I mean, I don't know all of their business decisions.

Hallie Haglund

[1:09:12] I assume so.

[1:09:13] I don't know.

[1:09:14] I've never.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:15] I don't know.

[1:09:17] She just totally did a Dan impression.

[1:09:19] If they took all the naked ladies out of Playboy and they just put them in Playgirl, and the purchasers of Playgirl were like, what the hell is this?

Dan McCoy

[1:09:26] Look, we had to put them somewhere.

[1:09:29] It's not like you can't take photos of these movies.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:31] You just shovel them into this other thing.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:34] Shovel them in.

[1:09:35] Like coal into a locomotive.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:39] So, this goes like this.

[1:09:42] How about a callback to last year's Song of the Autumn, Rocket Crocodile and the World of Tomorrow?

[1:09:46] Great song.

[1:09:47] I put an MP3 of it on a mix I made for my family's road trip through eastern Canada this summer.

[1:09:52] Weird.

[1:09:53] And it became a favorite of my two little kids, age seven and four.

[1:09:57] That's nice.

[1:09:58] The best part was hearing them sing Stuart's line, I think I've seen this movie, in my dreams.

[1:10:04] And because my son's idea of good humor is to negate everything, he liked to start singing the song correctly.

[1:10:11] Rocket Crocodile and the World of Tomorrow.

[1:10:13] But then he would sing, it's a movie that exists before coming to a dead stop.

[1:10:19] Yours, R, rest of first name withheld.

[1:10:22] S, rest of last name withheld.

Hallie Haglund

[1:10:24] Why are your fans so ashamed to be your fans?

[1:10:28] That they don't want to play?

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:29] You've heard this podcast.

[1:10:31] We're a bunch of Looney Tunes and knuckleheads.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:33] I like that the young man plays with expectations in his comedy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:39] It reminds me of my own son's new experiments in comedy.

[1:10:44] He wrote a knock-knock joke that I think you guys are going to like.

[1:10:47] Let's go through it.

[1:10:48] Knock-knock.

[1:10:49] Who's there?

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:50] Mommy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:51] Mommy who?

[1:10:52] Daddy.

[1:10:54] This is an actual joke that Sammy told me.

[1:10:58] It falls on the heels of his earlier joke about his grandparents, which goes like this.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:02] Knock-knock.

[1:11:03] Who's there, sure.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:03] Bubby.

[1:11:04] Bubby who?

[1:11:05] Zadie.

[1:11:07] Which is his grandma and grandpa.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:10] I like how he's playing with gender roles.

Hallie Haglund

[1:11:15] Very timely.

[1:11:16] In this era of Caitlyn Jenner, I feel like now more than ever, these knock-knockers.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:21] Yeah, my family member, Caitlyn Jenner.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:24] I can say in all honesty that I laughed at that as hard as any joke that you've ever told.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:31] I guess Sammy will take the credit for that.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:33] Funny kid.

[1:11:34] That's good stuff.

[1:11:36] Yeah, I like how kids think it's funny just to say the opposite of a thing.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:39] Yeah.

[1:11:41] That's how they learn, I guess.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:44] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:47] Very wistful.

[1:11:48] To everything that turns, turns.

[1:11:51] It was at that moment I realized.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:53] Down, down, down.

Hallie Haglund

[1:11:54] I should have never disowned my seven children that are out.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:59] Nothing.

[1:12:00] Savage children?

[1:12:02] Yeah, Fred Savage children.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:03] That's what we're talking about.

Hallie Haglund

[1:12:05] All right.

[1:12:05] Let's get back to the letters.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:07] What a child actor, that Fred Savage.

[1:12:09] And adult actor.

Hallie Haglund

[1:12:10] You know what?

[1:12:10] Does anyone watch that show?

[1:12:12] I heard it was funny.

[1:12:12] Grindr?

[1:12:13] But on a podcast, I heard it was funny.

[1:12:15] I haven't seen it.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:16] Grindr?

[1:12:16] I watch it.

[1:12:17] It's funny enough.

[1:12:18] You use Grindr.

[1:12:19] That's right.

[1:12:21] Look, if you know of a better way for me to have my illicit homosexual assignations.

[1:12:26] Far be it from me to question your methods.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:28] They seem to be working great.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:31] This is from Sarah Lasting.

[1:12:33] See you, Carl.

[1:12:34] No, sorry.

[1:12:34] Carl, the guy that Dan was sleeping with.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:36] Carl Jr. is the hamburger fortune owner.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:39] Who Dan was sleeping with?

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:41] His last name is Richard Carl Jr.

[1:12:44] His full name.

[1:12:45] That's Richard Carl Jr.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:47] Dan?

[1:12:48] Sarah Lasting withheld writes, dear Elliot.

[1:12:51] Hey.

[1:12:52] Because of your nerdy charm and nasal wit, I've fallen in love with guys like you.

[1:12:57] I recently met a guy exactly like you, even down to the catchphrase repeating shouts,

[1:13:02] in a creative writing club in my college.

[1:13:05] My question is, am I attracted to him because of him?

[1:13:09] Or do I only like him because he reminds me of you, and thus the flophouse?

[1:13:13] Should I show him his podcast doppelganger?

[1:13:15] Sincerely, Sarah Lasting withheld.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:17] I would say, why question what the motivation of love is?

[1:13:20] Instead, if he's anything like me, he's not used to having girls go after him, so go after him.

[1:13:26] Give him a thrill.

[1:13:27] Maybe you'll find out you really like him for him, and not just because he's a pale simulacrum of your heartthrob, me.

[1:13:36] But maybe don't play this for him, this episode in particular.

[1:13:41] Like, maybe play a different episode for him if you really want to.

[1:13:43] But he may be like, is that me?

[1:13:45] And then he'll become obsessed with tracking down his other half, and then he'll try to take over my life.

[1:13:50] Like the dark half?

[1:13:51] Exactly.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:51] Or like single white female.

[1:13:53] Or in your eyes.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:54] Stiletto in your eyes.

[1:13:55] So he gets your power, and then you can be devil Elliot.

[1:13:58] Joke's on him.

[1:13:59] The power's not in my heart.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:02] Now, so when he starts totally getting into this podcast, you probably don't want him to hear this episode.

[1:14:08] So you should just, when it comes on, be like, oh, there's something wrong with this episode.

[1:14:14] Technical difficulties.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:15] Yeah, or just like start kissing him, and he'll be like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

[1:14:20] And he'll throw his iPod in the garbage.

[1:14:22] It could be done nuts.

[1:14:23] Has she gone for him?

[1:14:25] I mean, there's no.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:27] Why are you examining the letter for additional information?

[1:14:29] Yeah, well, I wanted to know.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:31] I printed out this from an email.

[1:14:33] There's no way.

[1:14:34] Computer, enhance.

[1:14:35] No.

[1:14:36] Tell me what happens next.

Hallie Haglund

[1:14:37] I was looking at it because I was wondering, is it like she has a crush on him, and she hasn't

[1:14:40] expressed her feelings to him, or she's like dating him, and she hasn't expressed that she's

[1:14:45] into him because he reminds her of you?

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:48] Isn't that the test of great literature that it makes us ask questions?

[1:14:52] You know, yes.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:54] It's not clear whether they're together yet.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:55] Is the next letter from the same person that has a continuation of the storyline?

Dan McCoy

[1:14:59] I totally boned down with Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:02] Boned down.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:04] Okay, with the pale shadow of Elliot.

[1:15:06] Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:07] Elliot.

[1:15:07] It reminds me of when I used to write a newspaper column in New York.

[1:15:11] Foliate.

[1:15:12] And a woman.

[1:15:13] Fake-liate.

[1:15:14] Elliot fake Halen.

[1:15:15] And this woman wrote on her blog about how she had a crush on me.

[1:15:20] Was this the girl that was into bondage and stuff?

[1:15:23] And she was super into bondage, and she had, like, corset piercings on her back, which are

[1:15:27] two rows of piercings that you can string ribbon between the two so it looks like her body

[1:15:32] is a corset.

[1:15:33] That sounds perfect for you.

[1:15:34] And there were all these pictures where she was holding big guns, and it was like, man,

[1:15:38] if I was a different person, I would be tracking this woman down, and I'd have a ton of crazy

[1:15:43] stories to tell if I lived to tell them.

[1:15:45] But instead, I didn't do that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:47] Instead, you got nervous and hid somewhere?

[1:15:50] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:50] For years.

[1:15:51] Yeah.

[1:15:52] Until Danielle coaxed you out of your little mouse hole.

[1:15:55] Yeah.

[1:15:55] With a piece of cheese.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:57] Piece of Lincoln biography.

[1:15:59] Just a piece of it.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:02] Yeah.

[1:16:02] Write us back, Sarah, and let us know what happened with this burgeoning romance.

[1:16:05] But last...

[1:16:06] And thanks for writing in.

[1:16:08] Last letter.

[1:16:09] Hey there, peaches.

[1:16:09] Listening to your recent episode about Deliver Us From Evil, and I was thinking about people

[1:16:13] playing Satan in films.

[1:16:14] Like one of my favorites, Peter Stormare in the hit 2005 hit, Constantine.

[1:16:19] I don't know that that's a hit.

[1:16:22] They did a TV show off of it.

[1:16:23] I was wondering what your favorite...

[1:16:26] What's your favorite devil in cinema?

[1:16:28] John, last name withheld.

[1:16:30] Favorite devil in cinema.

[1:16:31] I mean, for me, it's Walter Houston in The Devil and Daniel Webster.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:34] I feel like he straddles the line between a funny devil and a scary devil really well.

[1:16:39] And he's just so kind of quiet for a lot of it in a very intense way.

[1:16:44] I like that a lot.

[1:16:45] But then he has creepy laughs.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:47] Does Night on Bald Mountain from Fantasia count?

[1:16:49] Is he the devil?

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:50] I mean, technically he's just a demon, I think.

[1:16:52] Was his name Malavolos or something like that?

[1:16:54] I don't know.

[1:16:56] But yeah, sure.

[1:16:57] Go ahead.

[1:16:57] He's super devily scary.

[1:16:59] He's huge.

[1:16:59] He's as big as a mountain.

[1:17:00] I mean, he's the coolest looking one, I feel like.

[1:17:02] That's for sure.

[1:17:03] Allie, if you have a favorite devil.

Hallie Haglund

[1:17:04] When you said The Devil and Daniel Webster, I just thought of The Devil and Daniel Johnston.

[1:17:09] And that was such a good movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:12] So that's a lot.

[1:17:13] The Devil's not actually in that.

[1:17:15] Wait, what?

[1:17:15] It's a documentary.

[1:17:16] Oh, right.

[1:17:17] The documentary.

Hallie Haglund

[1:17:18] It was so good.

[1:17:20] Yeah.

[1:17:20] So I'm just going to say.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:24] What about She-Devil with Meryl Streep?

Hallie Haglund

[1:17:27] Oh, I actually saw She-Devil like three times in theater.

[1:17:31] I was pretty into She-Devil.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:34] Ed Beagley Jr.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:35] Ed Beagley.

[1:17:36] The dog version of Ed Beagley Jr.

[1:17:38] He's super Beagley.

[1:17:40] On Capital Critters.

[1:17:42] That was the version of him.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:44] I'd probably say.

[1:17:46] This is going to be a bit of a spoiler alert, everybody.

[1:17:49] But I would probably say Robert De Niro in.

[1:17:54] Wait a minute.

[1:17:55] What's that movie?

[1:17:56] Angel Heart.

[1:17:58] Where he plays Louis Cypher.

[1:18:01] Oh, I was thinking of Al Pacino.

[1:18:02] That sounds like Lucifer.

[1:18:03] Get it.

[1:18:04] That's Devil's Advocate.

[1:18:05] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:05] With Al Pacino.

[1:18:05] I was thinking of Devil's Advocate.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:08] Although Tim Curry in Legend is really good, too.

[1:18:10] Tim Curry in Legend is really good.

[1:18:11] That's probably about the only thing I like about Legend.

[1:18:14] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:15] Al Pacino in Devil's Advocate is a good over-the-top goofy devil.

[1:18:19] Wait a minute.

[1:18:20] He's over-the-top in a movie?

[1:18:22] He goes over-the-top.

[1:18:23] He turns his hat around backwards.

[1:18:24] And he wins an arm wrestling competition.

[1:18:26] But there's a lot of good devils in film.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:29] Viggo Mortensen in The Prophecy.

Hallie Haglund

[1:18:33] In Interview with a Vampire.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:37] Is there a devil in that?

Hallie Haglund

[1:18:39] Well, the theme song was like,

[1:18:41] Pleased to meet you.

[1:18:42] Where are you guys by?

[1:18:43] Sympathetic of the Devil, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:44] Or as Stuart called it in the last episode,

[1:18:47] Pleased to Meet You.

[1:18:48] There's a devil in the blue dress.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:50] There's no devil in it, but it's a pretty good movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:52] Yeah, there's whoever plays the devil in Hackson,

[1:18:55] also known as Witchcraft Through the Ages,

[1:18:56] which is a silent movie that's really good.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:00] There's good devil worshippers, you know?

[1:19:03] Sure.

[1:19:03] And Rosemary's Baby.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:05] Tom Noonan in House of the Devil.

[1:19:07] Yeah, that's really good.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:08] Or in The Devil Rides Out with Christopher Lee.

[1:19:12] Christopher Lee is not the villain.

[1:19:14] But does he play the devil?

[1:19:15] No, he's actually the hero in the movie.

Hallie Haglund

[1:19:18] I mean, that great film, God of the...

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:21] Wait, what?

[1:19:23] I don't even know how he's laughing.

[1:19:25] I don't know where she's going with it.

[1:19:27] She can't get it out.

[1:19:29] Well, great question.

[1:19:30] We all answered.

[1:19:31] Anyway, so...

[1:19:32] I'm able to say whatever it was.

[1:19:33] Should we move on to recommendations?

Hallie Haglund

[1:19:35] That great film, God and the Devil.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:38] I don't know what you're talking about.

[1:19:39] Yeah, is that a movie, I guess?

[1:19:41] I'm so baffled by how I'm supposed to react to that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:44] I don't know what it means.

[1:19:45] Maybe a nod and smile, or do you...

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:48] Like, that's one of those times where like...

Hallie Haglund

[1:19:51] It's not a movie.

[1:19:53] It's just like, what if someone didn't make that movie?

[1:19:58] I don't understand.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:59] What if?

[1:20:00] What if somebody made a movie called God and the Devil,

[1:20:03] and somebody had to play the devil, I think is what she's saying.

[1:20:06] That character would be amazing.

[1:20:08] That'd be her favorite.

[1:20:08] It helps.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:10] So this is the part...

[1:20:13] It's something to think about.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:15] It is something to think about.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:17] Sisters.

[1:20:18] This is the part of the show where we recommend...

[1:20:22] Where we are way over time.

[1:20:23] Where we recommend...

[1:20:25] I mean, compared to where...

[1:20:26] As quickly as possible.

[1:20:27] We recommend movies that we actually liked.

[1:20:30] Mm-hmm.

[1:20:31] Did we ever.

[1:20:31] Instead of the thing that we watched.

[1:20:33] I will go first, because I'm already talking.

[1:20:38] 4th of October.

[1:20:39] This is an interesting movie.

[1:20:40] It's not entirely a horror movie, but it definitely becomes very horrifying by the end.

[1:20:46] And it's a film called Seconds by John Frankenheimer.

[1:20:50] Yeah.

[1:20:51] It has a lot of...

[1:20:52] Frankensteiner.

[1:20:54] Frankenheimer's monster.

[1:20:55] It has a lot of the same sort of style that he brought to the Venturing candidate.

[1:20:59] It has the same kind of beautiful black and white photography.

[1:21:02] It has the same paranoia.

[1:21:05] It has the same weird sense of humor beneath everything.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:09] The cinematography is even a little more intense.

[1:21:11] Yeah.

[1:21:12] Like, I feel like there's a lot of Terry Gilliam style that comes directly from Seconds.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:17] And it's about a service that can provide wealthy, middle-aged men with basically a second chance

[1:21:25] at life.

[1:21:26] It fakes their death and then sets them up with plastic surgery that takes at least 20 years

[1:21:33] off of them and kind of gives them a new life.

[1:21:37] And it's kind of...

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:38] In a way, it gives them a second time around, step by step, day by day.

[1:21:44] I don't know the rest of how that theme song goes.

[1:21:48] Patrick Duffy and Suzanne Somers.

[1:21:51] This is not helping anything.

[1:21:52] Seconds.

[1:21:53] John Frankenheimer.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:53] But...

[1:21:54] And it's shot by James Wong Howe.

[1:21:56] Yeah.

[1:21:56] And dramatically, it covers some of the same ground as Mad Men.

[1:22:01] That kind of like finding out that like just starting over in a new life is not...

[1:22:07] It's not enough to make you happy if the problem is within yourself rather than in your external circumstances.

[1:22:14] But instead of it being sort of a humorous drama, it's a dramatic, paranoid thriller horror film.

[1:22:22] So...

[1:22:22] With Rocky Hudson.

[1:22:23] Yeah.

[1:22:24] So that's what I recommend.

[1:22:25] Seconds.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:27] Anyone else?

[1:22:28] Why not go back for seconds?

[1:22:30] Says Dan McCoy from The Flophouse.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:33] I'm going to recommend a movie called Creep.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:37] I was going to recommend Creep.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:38] This is the second time I've recommended a movie called Creep.

[1:22:42] This time is the...

[1:22:43] Did you say it that way?

[1:22:45] That's how they say it.

[1:22:46] Creep.

[1:22:47] This one is not the movie about the monster living in the subway.

[1:22:50] Instead, it stars one of them Duplass boys.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:54] I totally scooped you, dude.

[1:22:56] You scooped my regular...

[1:22:57] Oh, you probably got a million old-timey bullshits to recommend.

[1:22:59] I did have another movie I was going to recommend in addition.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:01] That's convenient.

[1:23:02] So I'm going to recommend the movie Creep.

[1:23:03] It's a shorty.

[1:23:05] It's only like an hour and 15 minutes.

[1:23:08] It's got one of them Duplass boys in it.

[1:23:10] There's only two people in it.

[1:23:11] Yeah, there's only two people.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:12] There's two people on screen and you hear one other person up over a phone.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:15] Yeah.

[1:23:15] Like True West or something.

[1:23:17] Yep.

[1:23:17] Yeah, kind of.

[1:23:18] And it's about a videographer who answers a personal ad to film a guy for one day for $1,000.

[1:23:29] And it immediately gets creepy.

[1:23:32] He goes out of this cabin out in the woods and he interacts with his subject, who is played

[1:23:37] by Mark Duplass, who is the best special effect in all of horror movies, as he is super creepy,

[1:23:44] who explains that he wants this videographer to film him for the day because he is dying

[1:23:52] of brain cancer and he wants his unborn son to get to know his father.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:56] He actually, I love, he goes, did you ever see that movie My Life?

[1:23:58] Yeah.

[1:23:59] Michael Heaton.

[1:23:59] It's a great movie.

[1:24:00] Anyway, so he, and I love that they, I was like, I haven't heard anyone mention My Life

[1:24:04] in a long time.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:05] And then it goes on from there and it ends up being like quiet at times and also scary

[1:24:11] and great.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:12] It like, it functions really well.

[1:24:14] I thought it was like a kind of a short story of a horror movie.

[1:24:16] Yes.

[1:24:17] And where it's like, it's sometimes it's funny and sometimes it's creepy.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:20] And I've complained, and it's a found footage movie and I've complained about the format

[1:24:23] quite a bit, but it's, it seems to be very aware of the format and actually kind of uses

[1:24:28] the idea of like strange DVDs arriving.

[1:24:33] And it's very kind of conscious of it as opposed to like, oh, scary stuff is happening and some

[1:24:39] dude's just filming it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:40] There are a few scenes where I was like, why do you have the camera?

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:44] I mean, that's, show me, yeah, show me a found footage movie that doesn't do that.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:48] But it plays, there's definitely, there's a part that played with my expectations a lot

[1:24:51] that I respected where you see something, there's a cut and you see something happening and you're

[1:24:54] like, why would he shoot this?

[1:24:56] And then you realize it was shot to make a point to the other character and I'm like,

Dan McCoy

[1:25:00] oh, you got me movie.

[1:25:02] Yeah.

[1:25:03] I thought you'd made a mistake, but really you'd outsmarted me.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:05] Mm-hmm.

[1:25:06] And so I was going to recommend Creep 2.

[1:25:07] I'm glad you liked it, Stuart.

[1:25:10] But, uh.

Hallie Haglund

[1:25:11] Do you want, I'll go next.

[1:25:12] You go next.

[1:25:13] You can finish.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:14] Well, it just means that I'm going to recommend a movie that's not a Shocktober movie.

[1:25:17] You go, Hallie.

Hallie Haglund

[1:25:18] Uh, so I don't know, maybe this has been recommended before, but have you guys talked about My Best

[1:25:24] Fiend?

[1:25:25] Oh, I don't know.

[1:25:26] I don't know if we have talked about it.

[1:25:27] The documentary?

[1:25:27] About Klaus Kinski.

[1:25:28] Yeah, the Klaus Kinski, Werner Herzog movie.

[1:25:32] Uh, yeah.

[1:25:32] So I saw it like a month ago or something and it is so fucking funny.

[1:25:38] I mean, like, beside the fact that like it's super interesting because, you know, you learn

[1:25:44] about Klaus Kinski and you learn about all these movies that they made together, um, that are

[1:25:49] super famous.

[1:25:51] But you also sort of, like, it's, it's about how nuts Klaus Kinski is, but we, like, you

[1:25:58] really get like a window into like how nuts Werner Herzog also is.

[1:26:03] Uh, and it's just like so absurd.

[1:26:06] Like they're, when they're talking about, um, what is the Aguir and.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:12] Aguirre, the wrath of God.

[1:26:13] Yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[1:26:14] When they're talking about filming that and like Werner Herzog is telling the story about

[1:26:19] how he's like, was staying in this place and he was like, yeah.

[1:26:22] And I, you know, we were staying in this smaller village and I was, you know, everyone else

[1:26:27] was staying in tents and I was staying in a home with this woman, uh, with nine children

[1:26:32] who was raising 200 guinea pigs.

[1:26:36] And I, I was very uncomfortable because you would wake up in the night and you would just

[1:26:41] have that like hundreds of guinea pigs just like swarming over you.

[1:26:45] And so I realized I needed to find a different living situation, but like, but said in like total,

[1:26:52] like, like, like, like no, yes.

[1:26:56] Like humorless description.

[1:26:59] Uh, and their relationship is super interesting.

[1:27:02] And like, it is so funny without, uh, meaning to be funny that I don't know.

[1:27:08] It was a joy to watch.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:09] In the darkness, I can see the guinea pigs looking at me.

[1:27:12] You look into the eye of a guinea pig and you see not even a pig.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:19] The fur reminding one of the womb in some way.

[1:27:22] I don't know how that makes sense.

[1:27:24] Uh, so.

Hallie Haglund

[1:27:25] No, it's definitely, there's like, he's, he's talking about how like Klaus can see, sees

[1:27:30] nature.

[1:27:30] So like, is like, it's so reverent of nature.

[1:27:33] And he's like, when I see nature, I see blood, I see rape, I see violence.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:40] They published, they published Herzog's diary that he was keeping during the filming of that

[1:27:44] movie and, or it did that or that film of Fitzcarraldo.

[1:27:47] And it is all that stuff.

[1:27:48] It's hilarious.

[1:27:49] He's like, the, the, the jungle is a place of savagery and slaughter.

[1:27:53] Man has tamed it, but has he ever really tamed anything?

[1:27:57] Like he's just hates, he thinks life is so scary.

[1:28:01] Uh, and then he makes a movie like,

[1:28:03] uh, that Loch Ness movie where he's, where it's a total joke on his own personality.

[1:28:07] Uh, so I thought I was going to recommend Creep for Shocktober.

[1:28:11] And I was like, this is a found footage movie.

[1:28:12] No way is Stewart going to see this.

[1:28:14] Ha ha, scooped.

[1:28:15] He totally scooped me.

[1:28:16] So I'm going to recommend a non-Shocktober movie that I liked.

[1:28:18] Uh, it's called Ginza Cosmetics.

[1:28:20] It's a Japanese movie from the early fifties.

[1:28:23] It's a commercial about cosmetics.

[1:28:24] It's, uh, and it was directed by, and I'm going to pronounce it wrong, I'm sure.

[1:28:27] Mikio Naruse, uh, who is, who is known more for like women's,

[1:28:33] films or movies about women.

[1:28:35] And I feel like it's a kind of movie that there are many of throughout Japan's history,

[1:28:39] which film fans in America don't always see.

[1:28:42] I feel like we watch a lot of samurai movies.

[1:28:45] We watch a lot of like violent, you know, cop movies or whatever, or watch a lot of like

[1:28:50] Japanese, uh, thrillers or things like that, or ghost movies.

[1:28:55] But this, there's this huge genre that for whatever reason doesn't seem to come.

[1:28:59] I don't see as much of, and, uh, women's films, women's films.

[1:29:03] And I said, but like the films about the way people actually live in Japan or lived when

[1:29:09] the movies were being made rather than like period pictures or monster movies or things

[1:29:12] like that.

[1:29:13] And it's a very kind of delicate movie.

[1:29:15] It's the emotions are kind of reticent in it to a very, to a degree that is, I found more

[1:29:22] powerful because the characters do not want to show how, what a tough time they're having

[1:29:27] in life.

[1:29:27] And it's a melodrama about a single mother who is a geisha at a bar in the Ginza district

[1:29:33] and briefly sees that there might be an opportunity for her to leave this life and have like a

[1:29:38] better life with her and her son.

[1:29:40] And it just doesn't work out.

[1:29:42] Uh, but it's all done very, like the characters are very tentative and everything's very delicate.

[1:29:46] And I found the score in it very affecting because it was like the music was kind of sad,

[1:29:51] but not super sad.

[1:29:52] It was a movie that played on a chamois then.

[1:29:54] I don't know what that is.

[1:29:55] It's one of those Japanese guitars.

[1:29:57] Like a chamois you would use to wipe a car off.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:59] Yep.

[1:30:00] Like what's he's doing.

[1:30:03] It's offensive.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:04] But, uh, but I really, but I really liked it a lot.

[1:30:07] It's a movie that kind of forces you to kind of supply.

Hallie Haglund

[1:30:11] Think about women's films.

[1:30:13] What?

[1:30:13] Think about women's films.

[1:30:15] Nevermind.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:16] It forces you to think about women's films.

[1:30:17] Yeah.

[1:30:17] Anyway, Ginza Cosmetics.

[1:30:19] I liked it.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:20] Um, yeah.

[1:30:22] So.

[1:30:23] Yeah.

[1:30:24] It's the saddest, saddest time of the year.

[1:30:26] Another Shocktober.

[1:30:27] Come and go on.

[1:30:28] It's the longest it'll be until another Shocktober.

[1:30:30] But you know what?

[1:30:31] When is this episode?

[1:30:32] The Cajibus is just around the corner.

[1:30:33] On Halloween?

[1:30:34] It is coming out on Halloween.

[1:30:38] All.

[1:30:38] On Halloween.

[1:30:40] On all Hallie's Eve.

Hallie Haglund

[1:30:41] That's what my mom calls me, Hallie-ween.

[1:30:44] She calls me Halloween, not Hallie-ween.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:47] That's a peek behind the curtain.

[1:30:48] Because you were in the band Ween for a while.

[1:30:50] Yes.

[1:30:51] Dean Ween.

[1:30:53] The other Ween.

[1:30:54] And Hallie-ween.

[1:30:55] Hallie-ween, yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[1:30:56] Um, okay.

[1:30:58] Have a great Halloween, people.

[1:31:01] Thanks, everybody.

[1:31:03] Signing off.

[1:31:04] This is Hallie Hagelin from the Flophouse.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:07] The end of the, hijack the end of the episode.

[1:31:09] I had a whole speech about the chilly day when the spirits roamed, but I guess I'm not even

[1:31:14] going to get into that, you know?

[1:31:16] The sound, the sound of crinkled leaves.

Hallie Haglund

[1:31:18] That was Hallie Hagelin, and this is the rest of the story.

[1:31:23] The end.

Dan McCoy

[1:31:24] Thanks, Hallie.

[1:31:26] I've been Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:28] I've been Stuart Wellington.

[1:31:31] And as the veil between our world and the spirit world once again thickens, I will be Elliot

[1:31:36] Talin.

[1:31:37] Or will I?

[1:31:38] Yay!

[1:31:40] Yay!

[1:31:41] Oh, ho, ho, ho, ho.

[1:31:43] Merry Halloweens, miss.

[1:31:48] Oh, okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:58] A sexy skeleton.

[1:31:59] Use your imagination, dude.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:02] I don't even know how to begin to answer that question.

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:05] Are you saying you would be, because you can't decide if you would fuck a pile of bones?

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:10] Yeah, I mean, come on, look at it.

[1:32:12] Right there.

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:13] I mean, it's already in the reclining position.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:17] It's just weird that you said sexy skeleton and pile of bones as if those are not the

[1:32:21] same thing.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:22] One is like a disconnected pile of bones, and one is still.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:25] Yeah, yeah, I get it.

[1:32:26] Sexy.

[1:32:28] How to begin to answer that question.

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:31] Are you saying you would be, because you can't decide if you would fuck a pile of bones?

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:36] Yeah, I mean, come on, look at it.

[1:32:38] Right there.

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:39] I mean, it's already in the reclining position.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:42] It's just weird that you said sexy skeleton and pile of bones as if those are not the

Ep. #190 - Ouija

Chapters

Transcript

In this episode

Description