Ep. #191 - Men, Women & Children

[0:00] On this episode we discuss men, women and children. I guess that covers most of the bases.

[0:31] Hey everyone and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:36] Hey there Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:38] Hi guys and also listeners and anyone else around. I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:42] Hey!

[0:43] We're here.

[0:44] Boom.

[0:45] We're...

[0:46] No.

[0:47] Okay.

[0:48] So I'd like to welcome our listeners and you guys to the month of Sandalvember.

[0:53] Sandalvember is a month where we only do Adam Sandler movies, right Dan?

[0:56] That's not, we're not doing that.

[0:58] I thought it was when we go down to Beautiful Sandals Resort in the Bahamas?

[1:03] That's where we're recording this. It's actually, we couldn't afford the Bahamas.

[1:05] Adults only.

[1:06] We're at the Sandals...

[1:07] We're at the Sandals in Weehawken.

[1:09] Okay.

[1:10] Shh.

[1:11] So...

[1:12] That's a wave with a speech impediment.

[1:17] So the complimentary sandals are not getting a lot of use except when we walk to, I don't know, the spas.

[1:22] Yeah, and within the hotel only.

[1:24] But those aren't sandals, they're completely different.

[1:26] Yeah, they're puffy.

[1:27] And nor were they complimentary. They were given to you as a gift.

[1:29] I mean, I guess that's complimentary.

[1:31] That's a form of complimentary. What's more complimentary than receiving a gift?

[1:33] That's the best compliment you can receive.

[1:35] It's like the universe saying, hey, we like you.

[1:37] So, yeah, this is not Sandalvember. We just happened to watch a movie that had Adam Sandler as one of many actors in it.

[1:44] Yeah, too many.

[1:46] The sky was dark for all the stars were in men, women, and children.

[1:53] This movie's...

[1:54] Ellie, you didn't do it.

[1:55] Got it all. I didn't know that's what we were doing.

[1:57] Stuart and I seem to know.

[1:59] I guess you two, maybe you like peed in a fountain or something. You're both dream warriors.

[2:04] And you know what's going on in each other's minds.

[2:06] I think you're misremembering those movies.

[2:08] Both of us are ready for Freddy now.

[2:14] Oh, did you hear about Freddy? He got fingers.

[2:17] Oh, no.

[2:19] Is that why he wants to kill all those teens?

[2:22] Yeah, yeah. That's why he has those blade gloves, because now he's afraid of fingers.

[2:26] It's the cycle of violence is what it is.

[2:29] Yeah.

[2:30] Freddy got fingered, and now he's got to finger some teens with his blade fingers.

[2:34] Okay.

[2:35] I mean, that's kind of the plot, isn't it?

[2:37] Yeah, I think so.

[2:38] Freddy got fingered.

[2:39] Anyway, so we watched Men, Women, and Children, the movie that the title alone tells you we'll try to talk about everything there is,

[2:48] if everything means middle-class white lifestyles.

[2:52] Yeah.

[2:53] Because...

[2:54] It's a hot take.

[2:55] It's the hottest.

[2:57] And I think there were two black people in this whole movie, one of whom was a school psychologist, and the other was Dennis Haysbert,

[3:03] a man who is using Ashley Madison to cheat on his wife, I assume.

[3:07] Yeah, but at least the other one was Bill Lamar. That was nice to see.

[3:10] Yeah, it was nice to see him, yeah.

[3:12] From MADtv.

[3:13] That's right.

[3:14] From anything.

[3:16] So this is the triumphant follow-up to Labor Day.

[3:22] And I was going to sell you.

[3:23] Never, since Jason Reitman wrote and directed both.

[3:26] Did you just say sell you?

[3:27] Yeah, I got to sell you this car.

[3:29] What's it going to take to get you in Men, Women, and Children today?

[3:33] Is it going to take Rosemary DeWitt?

[3:35] We have her.

[3:36] She's in it.

[3:37] Do you like J.K. Simmons?

[3:39] Because he's in almost three scenes of the movie.

[3:42] Just kidding.

[3:43] How about Dean Norris, Hank from Breaking Bad?

[3:45] Judy Greer?

[3:46] I like him and sometimes confuse him with Just Kidding Simmons.

[3:48] How about Jennifer Garner, TV's aliases?

[3:52] Okay.

[3:53] What about Judy Greer, Kitty from TV's Arrested Development?

[3:56] Would you like to say goodbye to these?

[3:58] Do you have my main man, Ansel Elgort, my dog, my dude?

[4:03] Yes, the name created by somebody burping while naming their child Ansel Elgort.

[4:07] He's in there too.

[4:10] Someone wanted to name their child after Ansel Adams and then ran out of vowels.

[4:18] It sounds like someone was trying to do the Crypt Keeper version of a real name, Ansel Elgort.

[4:24] What was his name? Elgar, I guess. I don't know.

[4:28] Do you like the show Justified?

[4:30] Sometimes.

[4:32] When I'm watching it and when I'm not watching it.

[4:36] Who's your favorite character on Justified?

[4:38] Boyd Crowder, clearly.

[4:40] True, but he's not in this.

[4:42] Who's your seventh favorite character on Justified?

[4:46] That dentist played by Alan Ruck in that one episode?

[4:49] And what about the guy who played Herman from Herman's Head?

[4:53] The guy who played Herman from Herman's Head?

[4:57] I don't even know how to parse that.

[4:59] I'm slowing it way down and I can't even.

[5:02] Well, it has Loretta from Justified.

[5:07] Justified, little girl.

[5:09] Max's daughter.

[5:10] Adopted daughter, kind of.

[5:12] Hey, remember the guy that Pam dumped on the office for Jim?

[5:15] He's in the movie as the worst history teacher in the world.

[5:20] I don't think he plays the history teacher. I think that was somebody else.

[5:23] You were so angered that your eyes saw red only.

[5:26] All these doughy white bearded midwestern looking guys, I can't tell the difference between them.

[5:31] You're so lucky you're not doughy, Stewart, or else I couldn't tell the difference.

[5:34] That's true, I am lucky.

[5:36] A handsome bearded white midwestern guy.

[5:38] I say a little prayer every day.

[5:40] There's a scene, well, I guess we'll get to that.

[5:42] He started out doughy and now he's at the top, though, man.

[5:44] That's the thing. It's a rags to riches story.

[5:47] I guess you want to talk about my entire life now, or should we save that for a later podcast?

[5:51] Now, there's a character in this movie who loved role playing games. Did you relate to him?

[5:55] Well, that was my dog, Ansel Elgort, so yeah, totally.

[5:58] He and I go way back.

[6:00] Hansel, though?

[6:01] Hansel, indeed.

[6:03] He does kind of have a Hansel-style haircut, because Hansel's so hot right now.

[6:08] Yep, that's a reference.

[6:10] Waka-waka.

[6:12] Thanks, Ozzy.

[6:14] Telling jokes, too.

[6:16] I just want to remind you.

[6:20] Yeah, so I could totally get into his headspace, where he's playing Guild Wars,

[6:25] and you can see the screen up here in the ether next to his head.

[6:28] Now, let's talk about, so this movie is full of stars.

[6:31] We've established that.

[6:32] It's like we cracked open a pirate's treasure chest full of gold,

[6:35] but unfortunately the gold is encased in human shit that's been mixed with molasses,

[6:40] so it's also super sticky.

[6:42] Like Hanukkah guilt?

[6:43] Yeah, well, Hanukkah guilt does not taste good, but it's not human shit.

[6:48] We also forgot Emma Thompson as the narrator.

[6:50] As the narrator that the movie forgets about for a long period of time?

[6:53] I thought she played Carl Sagan.

[6:54] That's the best kind of narrator.

[6:56] She just quotes Carl Sagan a lot.

[6:58] Now, the movie is about how people's lives are terrible because of the Internet,

[7:03] but also because of not the Internet.

[7:07] He's got a real muddy thesis statement, I would say.

[7:10] He was such a great blues musician.

[7:12] Muddy thesis?

[7:13] I mean, his thinking wasn't super clear, like his logic never quite worked out,

[7:18] but, oh, the way he plucked that guitar.

[7:20] No, no one pulled the strings like Muddy Thesis.

[7:23] You never know why his baby left him.

[7:27] It could have been his car.

[7:28] It could have been his love of music.

[7:30] It could have been his drinking.

[7:31] I mean, we know that since his baby left him, a lot of bad stuff happened.

[7:34] We don't know the causal, like, the incident.

[7:39] What you're saying is, we need a prequel to this blues song.

[7:42] It really explains the tale.

[7:45] Yeah, yeah.

[7:46] Muddy, this has been a big hit.

[7:47] Let's take it back.

[7:48] Let's dial it back.

[7:49] Well, I mean, all my songs are just me repeating the same line with

[7:53] after each one.

[7:54] So, sure, okay.

[7:55] This is a real three white guys talking about the blues situation right now.

[8:00] You could say that about any situation if you accurately describe it.

[8:04] That's true.

[8:05] This is a real three guys doing a podcast in an apartment situation right now.

[8:08] Check our privilege, guys.

[8:10] Yeah, it's pretty great.

[8:12] I checked it out.

[8:13] Yeah, look at it.

[8:14] Oh, it's hot.

[8:15] Yeah, check out that privilege.

[8:16] It's real taut privilege.

[8:17] What would you do to that privilege?

[8:18] Oh, boy.

[8:19] I would wreck that privilege.

[8:20] I don't know what I'm saying anymore.

[8:21] Okay.

[8:22] I feel bad about myself.

[8:23] Speaking of not knowing what it's saying, this movie has a very unclear message.

[8:26] The first half seems to be anti-Internet, and the second half seems to be anti-people not using the Internet.

[8:32] So the movie begins in outer space.

[8:34] As any movie called Men, Women, and Children should, it begins in outer space as a satellite flies through space.

[8:40] And Emma Thompson tells us about, what is it, the Voyager probe or whatever,

[8:45] whichever satellite it is that Carl Sagan put that gold record on that has recordings of people saying hello in, like, waves.

[8:53] Carl Sagan has a gold record?

[8:55] Yeah.

[8:56] It was his only acid rock album.

[8:59] It was called Billions, Oh, Billions of Billions.

[9:02] It was called Star Stuff.

[9:06] Yeah, and it was very hallucinogenic.

[9:08] The A side is a bunch of, like, kind of radio-playable cuts, and the B side is just one long song.

[9:14] Just for the fans.

[9:15] Yeah, which is just – have you ever heard Metal Machine music?

[9:17] It makes that sound accessible.

[9:19] Oh, boy.

[9:20] Okay.

[9:21] Wow.

[9:22] And he said – Carl Sagan said – and I'm quoting him.

[9:24] This is the kind of music people will be listening to in the future, and if you don't believe me, you can go fuck yourself.

[9:29] Wow.

[9:30] I'm Carl Sagan.

[9:31] Oh, I thought he said –

[9:32] That's what he said in the last episode of Cosmos.

[9:34] This is on PBS.

[9:35] So it's like a Saturday Night Live impression where he says his name every time he does it?

[9:38] Or a Flophouse impression, to be honest.

[9:41] I thought he said, I guess you're not ready for that, but your kids are going to love it.

[9:45] Yeah, yeah, because he went back in time so that Mr. and Mrs. Sagan got together at the high school dance.

[9:50] That's right, yeah.

[9:52] And that's the origin story for Carl Sagan.

[9:54] You know I'm not play-gan.

[9:57] I'm Carl Sagan.

[9:58] What?

[9:59] I don't know.

[10:00] So yeah, when he was on Yo! MTV Raps at one time, a failure of an appearance.

[10:05] What would have been the greatest effects feature thing if he had then played Smells Like Teen Spirit and goes,

[10:09] you're not going to like it, but your kids' kids are going to like that.

[10:12] Now, can I get my EDM machines in here for what your kids' kids' kids are going to listen to?

[10:17] Now, okay, your kids' kids' kids, they're going to be really interested in this thing called The Drop.

[10:22] Let me explain.

[10:24] Now, that doesn't sound like music, but it is.

[10:27] Somebody invent me a Game Boy so I can just play music using its sound card.

[10:31] Okay, then your kids' kids' kids' kids are going to go back to using little pieces of your music.

[10:37] It's called sampling.

[10:39] Allow me to show you what it's like.

[10:40] You play that, but then speed it up real fast, like high-pitched, and then do it over and over again.

[10:44] Now, some of them are going to like your grandparents' music.

[10:47] They're going to play on a washtub.

[10:49] With a banjo. Everyone's going to hate them.

[10:52] Yet somehow their music will be everywhere.

[10:54] Now, your kids' kids' kids' kids' music are going to score only car commercials,

[10:59] and it's going to be a lot of ukulele and claps and kind of choral singing.

[11:02] Yeah, someone in the back is going to go, hey-ya, or something like that.

[11:05] Or just, ha!

[11:08] Who decided that so much music should involve someone just going, ha!

[11:13] I don't know, man.

[11:15] That's what makes it authentic.

[11:17] Sorry, I just made noise because I have to get beers out of this bag.

[11:22] Some radio sound effects were not sitting in front of a roaring fire.

[11:26] That's Stuart trying to open a plastic bag.

[11:30] Like an old person unwrapping a candy in a movie theater.

[11:34] He thought if he did it slowly, nobody would notice.

[11:39] Now, when we say beer bag, unfortunately it's not how you're imagining it,

[11:42] which is just a bag filled with loose beer.

[11:45] A sack of beer.

[11:46] Well, it's like an old person. I have this bag.

[11:48] I'm not going to throw it out. I'm going to use it again.

[11:50] It's a perfectly good bag.

[11:51] You're up in the Depression. You mean they can't afford a bag like that?

[11:53] It's only got one hole in it, the hole that I put things into.

[11:57] Like a homeless guy at the bus stop masturbating.

[12:00] He thought if he did it slow enough, nobody would notice.

[12:03] Okay, so men, women, and children. We started in space.

[12:06] Emma Thompson's telling us about how Carl Sagan chose all these things to send into space

[12:10] to tell an alien what humans are like because we're fragile, beautiful beings or some garbage.

[12:15] Then we hit back to Earth.

[12:18] Meteor res.

[12:19] As Will Smith would say, welcome to Earth.

[12:21] I don't know if that means what you think it means.

[12:23] It means medium resolution.

[12:25] Okay, sure.

[12:27] So we're in a small town somewhere, any town USA let's call it, Americaville,

[12:32] one, two, three, four, fake street.

[12:34] Coca-Cola America.

[12:36] Football town USA.

[12:38] All the phone numbers are 555 phone number.

[12:41] It's too many digits.

[12:44] They just keep dialing after the ring starts.

[12:46] Now there's a lot of plot lines in this movie, so I'm not going to try to do it in chronological order.

[12:50] Let's just go through them because they're all intertwined like some crappy Seinfeld episode.

[12:56] Or like I said, it's a real shortcut situation except for unlike shortcuts,

[13:01] you don't have the brilliance of Robert Altman or Julianne Moore wandering around bottomless for a whole scene.

[13:09] That's what Dan thinks about when he thinks about shortcuts.

[13:12] Yeah.

[13:13] It's like the Raymond Carver story, what we think about when we think about shortcuts.

[13:16] Raymond Carver who shortcuts was based on.

[13:19] And Birdman.

[13:20] Anyway, so.

[13:22] But this movie is directed by Jason Reitman.

[13:25] Yeah, who was the wrong guy.

[13:28] And here's the thing.

[13:29] I'm sure he's a great guy, and he's made movies people like.

[13:32] I'd hang out with him.

[13:33] I'm sure.

[13:34] I bet he's a really –

[13:35] I'd hang out with his dad.

[13:36] Who wouldn't?

[13:37] Come on.

[13:38] Yeah.

[13:39] Yeah, I love hanging out with dads.

[13:40] Ivan, quote, the terrible Reitman.

[13:43] Nobody has ever called him that.

[13:45] At his college, someone called him Ivan the Terrible.

[13:48] Possibly, yeah.

[13:49] Yeah.

[13:50] I mean, that would have been ignorant.

[13:51] There was only one Ivan the Terrible.

[13:52] His name?

[13:53] Ivan IV.

[13:54] Czar of the Russias.

[13:57] So this movie is about – so there's a lot of intertwining things.

[14:00] We start with Emma Thompson.

[14:02] And also Emma Thompson is narrating in this kind of wry, like, hmm, I'm going to bring out the ironies of these people's situations.

[14:10] It's like a crappy version of the book from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

[14:13] She ported her narration over from whatever, like Stranger than Fiction, where she literally was –

[14:19] I mean, that was a comedy where it was like, you know, she had to have that wry –

[14:24] Well, this movie is described as a comedy.

[14:26] Well, that was the funny one.

[14:27] A comedy drama.

[14:28] Yeah, were you the one who discovered that, that it was described –

[14:30] No, I did.

[14:31] Oh, yeah.

[14:32] He's the fucking kid sleuth over here.

[14:34] Yeah, I'm the Encyclopedia Brown who found that out.

[14:38] Bugs Meaney, you called this a comedy drama, yet there's nary a laugh to be found.

[14:42] Don't invest, kids.

[14:45] But it's – there's not a lot of jokes, and it's a dour movie.

[14:48] Everything is dour.

[14:49] You thought Labor Day, a movie about a convict who accidentally killed his wife and teaches a mother and a son how to make pie erotically was a dour movie?

[14:59] A movie where a kid says to his widowed mom –

[15:02] Talk about a cream pie.

[15:03] Edit that out, Dan.

[15:05] Please edit that out.

[15:06] Wow.

[15:07] That was a movie where a kid told his widowed mother, I'll be dad for the day for you, which is one of the saddest things I've ever heard in a movie.

[15:14] This movie has the saddest thing that an adult can say, which is there's a scene where an adult says to a teenager, these are the best years of your lives, which is the most pathetic thing a human being can think.

[15:26] That the first 16, 17 years are the best years of their lives and everything after that is now.

[15:31] Do you think that's like just –

[15:32] Those are the stars of the movie, the best years of our lives.

[15:34] That was ironic.

[15:35] That's ironic.

[15:36] Is that like a – do you think all high school principals, that's in their basic manual of how to deal with a surly teen is like –

[15:42] It's got to be.

[15:43] You've got to remind them this is the best years of their lives.

[15:45] It's like, hey, dude, enjoy it now because your life is going to be awful.

[15:47] Follow the script, kid.

[15:48] That would be like –

[15:49] Follow the script.

[15:50] You're supposed to have fun but not too much fun, graduate and be miserable.

[15:54] That has got to be –

[15:55] Here's a Bruce Springsteen song.

[15:56] It's called Glory Days.

[15:57] Listen to it.

[15:58] Aside from like saying the saddest thing about the adult who's saying it, that is the worst thing to say to a miserable teen.

[16:05] It's like the opposite.

[16:07] It is literally the opposite of –

[16:08] I should kill myself now is what you're saying.

[16:09] It gets better.

[16:10] It's like what the – this is the pinnacle?

[16:13] Fuck this.

[16:15] I'm out.

[16:16] And by out, I mean I'm out of this life because I've already killed myself.

[16:21] Stop the world.

[16:22] I want to get off everybody.

[16:23] Is that all there is to a fire?

[16:26] Let me pull up my Uber Charon.

[16:30] Come pick me up, dog.

[16:32] There will be two bits.

[16:33] Would that be an Uber X or an Uber Black?

[16:35] Uber Black in this case.

[16:36] And Charon is just going to come pick you up.

[16:38] You don't have to go to the River Styx.

[16:39] No, dude.

[16:40] He shows up.

[16:41] His boat has wheels on it and a motor.

[16:43] It's a hovercraft.

[16:45] He's magic, right?

[16:46] He just borrowed that hovercraft from Supercop.

[16:48] He decided to bring it over to get you.

[16:51] Okay.

[16:52] So we start off with Adam Sandler as a dour dad who is going to try to masturbate on his

[16:57] home computer, but it's not working for some reason, and the only other computer is

[17:01] his 15-year-olds.

[17:03] A lot of the laughs of this movie come from Emma Thompson describing names of porn sites

[17:09] with her accent.

[17:10] Yeah.

[17:11] There's also – there's a – I'm going to pull back the curtain on a behind-the-scenes

[17:15] thing from The Daily Show.

[17:17] We worked on a book called Earth the Book, which was – the idea was it explains to

[17:21] aliens what human life was like on Earth, and something that Jon Stewart cautioned us

[17:25] not to do a lot was not to do a joke where the only thing about the joke was that you

[17:29] were describing something in an overly technical way, that there was no actual joke there.

[17:35] It was just that you were describing a dumb thing in a very highfalutin way, and like

[17:41] that's Emma Thompson's narration for the most part.

[17:44] It's like the joke of it is just like I'm going to describe this guy masturbating in

[17:49] a way that's like overly highbrow, but there's no actual joke there.

[17:54] Or just like detached and detailed.

[17:56] Yeah.

[17:57] He sat at the computer pondering, like do I want big-breasted whores or do I want anal

[18:04] angels?

[18:05] And the thing is –

[18:06] He pulled the tissue over here.

[18:08] That's the thing.

[18:09] I'm sure there's a video that fits both, and if not, just have two video screens open

[18:13] on your computer.

[18:14] You've got DSL, dude.

[18:15] So you're saying –

[18:16] The bandwidth is there.

[18:17] In this modern world, we can have it all.

[18:19] In the Tom Tomorrow comic strip, this modern world, yes.

[18:22] We can have any kind of sex we want on TV.

[18:24] Yeah, you can have a big-breasted penguin with a visor.

[18:28] Yeah, telling us things about Republicans.

[18:30] So is he blind like Geordi LaForge, or what's going on with that visor?

[18:36] I mean, I don't know.

[18:38] Tom Tomorrow, call in.

[18:39] The lines are open.

[18:42] So Adam Sandler is a sad sack.

[18:44] He and his wife haven't had sex in a long time.

[18:46] He's masturbating a lot.

[18:48] Do you think the beard was a choice, or he was like, do I have to shave?

[18:54] I'm like, no.

[18:55] Considering Adam Sandler often chooses his movies based on where he can go on vacation

[18:59] while making them, I don't know.

[19:01] I will say that, I mean, it's not like he's particularly great in this movie or anything.

[19:06] He's not bad.

[19:07] Well, that's where I'm going with this.

[19:08] Adam Sandler, extremely lazy with his own films.

[19:11] I feel like whenever he shows up in someone else's movie, he puts in a pretty good performance.

[19:16] You're like, okay, this guy can act.

[19:18] He's just super lazy most of the time.

[19:21] Now what?

[19:22] Stewart seems dubious.

[19:24] But he brings a certain beaten-down quality to his other roles that seems very fitting for this role.

[19:31] I don't know if it's necessarily him acting or just him being cast well in the part.

[19:38] I don't know.

[19:39] I'll give him a little bit of credit, I guess.

[19:41] Even to play yourself is hard.

[19:43] To play with yourself is extremely easy.

[19:45] In fact, not doing it is harder.

[19:47] But no, I think he's—I mean, the actors in this, some of them do a fine job of trying to get across the material.

[19:55] I think most of them are doing pretty good jobs.

[19:58] Most of them.

[19:59] Jennifer Garner is not very good.

[20:00] brittle and caricature yeah mostly that uh... some of the teens are kinda like

[20:04] blue you know if there's not a lot

[20:06] coming out of those teens

[20:07] yeah that's the instance of where they are

[20:09] so that's why i got this a blue-and-white may not be able to work

[20:13] he brings it

[20:14] i don't need to be a maniac you've told me that i started saying uh... supplement

[20:18] of antelope or that i think that i don't think that could lead to insomnia

[20:22] restless leg syndrome temporary blindness doubts of race hatred

[20:26] vomiting

[20:27] vomonagia which is like vomiting but your stomach still hurts afterwards

[20:31] insomnia and death

[20:33] and long moments of staring at a screen with your mouth uh... slightly open

[20:36] yeah ask your doctor about antelope

[20:39] i love that this movie featured something from uh...

[20:42] unfriendable or whatever the fuck we watched a couple weeks ago where

[20:45] it had a character writing out all their thoughts and then deleting it and then

[20:49] writing something shorter and innocuous yeah this also there's a lot of screens

[20:54] in this movie screens are popping up everywhere so imagine watching uh...

[20:58] was it called chef

[20:59] that john favreau movie

[21:01] where every time someone tweets it appears on screen imagine that but

[21:03] everyone's tweeting all the time and there's screens all over the screen

[21:08] double screens

[21:09] triple screens

[21:09] quadruple screens i mean there's so many screens multi screens

[21:13] everything's a multi-screen experience these days

[21:15] so just watch this movie and you'll get it so let's just go through the

[21:19] stories quickly so adam sandler is married to rosemary dewitt

[21:22] and they're unhappy their sex life is D.O.A.

[21:27] dork on arrival

[21:30] that's terrible

[21:33] uh... they both get involved in the internet in different ways he decides to

[21:37] hire a prostitute through it and she joins ashley madison the famous

[21:41] adultery site she's the one woman on ashley madison which is why she gets so many

[21:45] dates very popular you think dennis haysbert's picking her first with that picture she put up

[21:49] she signs up for account at work

[21:51] and puts up a picture that seems like a misuse of company time

[21:55] in many ways

[21:57] it's just a picture of her fuzzy sweater

[21:59] dude guys are into that it wasn't like an angora sweater

[22:03] like russ meyer movies are built on that

[22:05] russ meyer movies are built on what's under the sweater stewart

[22:09] namely the tag

[22:13] dry clean only

[22:14] she's trying to attract moths and i don't know some cats

[22:19] with her sweater meanwhile they have a son who has been watching pornographic

[22:23] videos since he was a kid and now he cannot get it up for a human woman who's

[22:28] in front of him and at one point tries to rectify this by having sex with a

[22:32] hollowed out nerf football full of lotion. sounds like a good plan. we never find out if it works or not

[22:37] so those are some of the stories there's another story there's a high school

[22:40] football star. here's some of the legends. some of the myths that are told

[22:45] i like to think of this movie as like the constellations in the sky

[22:49] you look up and you go oh those stars together make up the unhappy masturbator

[22:53] those stars up there make up the ashley madison site

[22:56] that would have been great by the way if

[22:58] it kept cutting to shots of the night sky and we would have constellations of the

[23:02] character. i mean that's kind of almost what happens because it kept cutting to

[23:07] that satellite going through space

[23:10] uh... then there's a high school. satellite of love

[23:13] there's a high school football star played by your dog Ansel Elgort who does not want to play

[23:18] football anymore because he's too depressed over his mom abandoning the

[23:22] family and so he decides to throw himself into the fantasy world of

[23:26] guild wars. by the way i spaced out. can we explain why we keep referring to Ansel Elgort as your buddy?

[23:33] because for many years i worked for a company called games workshop dan which

[23:39] sells model figurines and one of my regular customers who i would see

[23:44] i don't know almost every day was

[23:46] hot teen star Ansel Elgort

[23:50] and uh... so he and i are super close. did you ever say to him

[23:54] Elgort, Elbrata, Elnicto?

[23:56] that would have been a hilariously nerdy joke

[23:59] uh... i didn't i don't even know what that joke means. well technically i guess it would be

[24:03] Elgort, Elclatu, Elbrata, Elnicto

[24:05] it's a day of the year still reference

[24:07] or maybe you remember? is that like a movie or?

[24:12] what's army of darkness guys? they just stole it as a joke. they referenced it.

[24:16] army of darkness is a movie i'm pretty sure you saw. you're like is that that

[24:20] french movie about the resistance? no that's army of shadows. it might be the most stewart movie ever made.

[24:27] i mean the only thing it doesn't have is a guy getting his dick ripped off. and it kind of does have that.

[24:32] there's no casual nudity in it. i guess that's the whole thing.

[24:37] the zombie, the deadites are arising and they somehow have a bunch of scantily

[24:41] clad women chained up that they've been tagging along who have appeared out of nowhere and one of them

[24:46] i think might be a little nude but i'm not sure.

[24:49] or i think it's like x-men nudity where their hair is covering their parts.

[24:55] yeah and they have no pupils.

[24:57] that's how you define nudity.

[25:00] x-men nudity. or like even their eyes are nude. little wisps of smoke are covering their nipples.

[25:05] steam or something.

[25:07] that happened a lot actually. every time Psylocke got out of the shower.

[25:09] exactly.

[25:11] you're wasting all the hot water, Psylocke.

[25:13] just go get firestar to heat some more up. i don't know.

[25:18] forge, why don't you get on that, bro? make a bigger water heater.

[25:22] i'm too busy inventing devices that'll help rogue with her powers for a day and then break.

[25:27] i'm working on the blackbird to get out my sexual energy.

[25:31] he's an effective techno shaman.

[25:33] i mean he's exactly that. explicitly a techno shaman.

[25:37] with a metal piece on my leg that you just see a little part of and a headband.

[25:41] you lost it in vietnam, dude.

[25:43] on veterans day.

[25:45] on veterans day, no less. i should be more respectful to forge.

[25:49] maybe the least popular x-men character ever created.

[25:53] and i'm including maggot and marrow in those rankings.

[25:56] i'm including joseph the clone of magneto in those rankings.

[26:00] forge is still lower.

[26:02] i'm including stacy x, the mutant powered prostitute that was in like six issues.

[26:07] i know that forge was in the comics when i was reading the x-men comics and i can't picture him.

[26:12] he's just a guy with a mustache and a headband.

[26:14] he's got a ponytail.

[26:16] he's got a metal leg and he's a techno shaman.

[26:18] he dated storm briefly because she had no other options.

[26:22] they were on and off, on again, off again.

[26:24] and then bishop showed up.

[26:26] and then marvel was like, why don't we just have her date only black characters?

[26:29] and bishop and black panther showed up.

[26:31] anyway.

[26:33] that's our x-men history.

[26:35] that's steward elliott explaining the x-men.

[26:39] take that, rachel and miles.

[26:41] now, tim mooney, high school football star.

[26:43] he quits the football team because it doesn't matter to him anymore.

[26:46] in the wake of his mom's abandoning the family.

[26:49] and he really gets into guild wars, which is an online massive multiplayer role playing game.

[26:54] his father.

[26:56] dean norris.

[26:58] dv's dean norris.

[27:00] is really unhappy about it.

[27:02] but he starts up a little relationship with judy greer's character.

[27:06] who is helping her daughter, who's a cheerleader.

[27:08] to run a vaguely soft core teen porno site.

[27:13] where she models in her teen daughter models in underwear and bathing suits.

[27:17] it takes most of the movie for judy greer to realize this is a terrible idea.

[27:21] even though at one point she's feeling out with jennifer garner.

[27:25] she's like, now you know the legalities of all this.

[27:27] she's clearly like, what would and would not be child pornography?

[27:32] was that your judy greer impression?

[27:35] what would be?

[27:37] i'm seeing the final e's.

[27:39] no, jennifer garner.

[27:41] what would and would not be child pornography?

[27:43] perfect.

[27:45] when we record an episode of archer, we're not together.

[27:48] we record our parts separately.

[27:50] so what you're saying is.

[27:52] you're saying that her realization.

[27:54] the moment when she's in the meat aisle of the grocery store.

[27:56] we know that because there's a big sign that says meat.

[27:58] and the woman on the phone is like.

[28:00] your daughter has a porno site.

[28:02] that moment is bullshit.

[28:04] because you think she already knows.

[28:06] i mean it's clear that she's been eating at her for a while.

[28:08] but the fact that she goes to the point where she's like.

[28:10] where's the legal line.

[28:12] that moment is bullshit.

[28:14] i mean it's clear that she's been eating at her for a while.

[28:16] but the fact that she goes to the point where she's like.

[28:18] where's the legal line.

[28:20] now we've mentioned two subplots there.

[28:22] one is that jennifer garner.

[28:24] who is an overprotective mother.

[28:26] has started a group of parents.

[28:28] to stop the internet i guess.

[28:30] because telephones are ruining children.

[28:32] they're dangerous.

[28:34] and through that she meets dean norris.

[28:36] and she begins dating him.

[28:38] but also that her daughter is obsessed with being famous.

[28:40] and decides that.

[28:42] at the mall one day.

[28:44] while her daughter is texting with the kid who can only get it up.

[28:46] it was adam sandler's son.

[28:48] and telling him that if he was tied up she would totally ride him.

[28:50] that over texts.

[28:52] or sex i guess the young people call them.

[28:54] they run into open auditions.

[28:56] for teens to be on a show called.

[28:58] america's next big celebrity.

[29:00] which is the least imaginative name.

[29:02] ever for a fake television show.

[29:04] it seemed like a placeholder name.

[29:06] they're just like oh fuck it we forgot to change it.

[29:08] make the sweaters.

[29:10] america's teeniest teen.

[29:12] that's for the smallest teen.

[29:14] i mean you've got a bunch of kids.

[29:16] who are trying to sneak onto that show.

[29:18] because there's a million dollar prize.

[29:20] we've made this show to empower dwarf teens.

[29:22] all these little kids are trying to get in.

[29:24] i guess actually one of the subplots of this movie.

[29:26] is kind of about america's teeniest teen.

[29:28] but we'll get to that.

[29:30] oh that's right.

[29:32] so jennifer garner's daughter is angry at her mom.

[29:34] because her mom monitors all of her phone calls.

[29:36] and text messages and websites.

[29:38] because her mother's a crazy person.

[29:40] because her mother's crazy.

[29:42] to the point of insane paranoia.

[29:44] to the point that she is at one point.

[29:46] she's a real carries mom.

[29:48] it's like the only episode of dollhouse she saw.

[29:50] was the horrible future.

[29:52] where like cell phones are turning everybody into horrible dollhouse monsters.

[29:54] and she's like that is our inevitability.

[29:56] i need to put a stop to this.

[30:00] that way ending the internet i would have loved if that was the origin for a

[30:03] character is just like dollhouse joss whedon i'll give it a try

[30:06] and that was the one episode she's like oh she's like oh the first six episodes

[30:11] aren't very good but oh it gets interesting after a while okay i'll

[30:14] stick with it interesting that they gave it a second

[30:17] season all right thank you fox dollhouse it's two seasons yeah i didn't realize

[30:20] that yep i think they thought they were they

[30:23] were doing henry gibson's a doll's house yeah they were like time for fox to get

[30:27] classy yeah maybe then we can do an enemy of the people

[30:30] who's this joe sweden character he must be from sweden who's this jody

[30:35] sweden uh from full house how how rude dan yeah

[30:40] by the way by the way this like this sound like

[30:47] this is way too much like sounding like patting ourselves in the back but in

[30:50] terms of that's what this sounds like

[30:53] there are like sometimes sometimes i do dream of like someone deciding to like

[30:57] do an annotated version of our show and i'm just like

[31:00] we have made a lot of a shit ton of references to a bunch of stuff

[31:04] i just like i want to see it written out and like diagrammed like how many

[31:08] different all right somebody do that yeah i'm putting hours on that yeah

[31:13] martin gardner if you're out there when i was

[31:16] that's what he's up to these days because he's dead dan martin gardner

[31:19] died we've got to get joss nevins the guy who uh who that's his name

[31:25] jess and evans the guy who annotates league of extraordinary gentlemen he's

[31:27] still alive now martin gardner died a couple years

[31:30] ago i was really sad about it author of my favorite book the annotated

[31:33] alice is that your favorite that's one of my favorite books even more than

[31:37] than just reading alice in wonderland i think my favorite is his annotated no no

[31:40] i mean to read everyone out there in podcast land

[31:44] if you love uh the alice books but have not read the annotated alice you are

[31:49] missing out because it is so much more a rich experience to to

[31:53] know i mean it's it helps but it's also the way he annotates it is delightful

[31:57] yeah but uh if it wasn't for the bedrock genius

[32:00] of lewis carroll rock it wasn't for bad rock the genius rob

[32:04] liefeld's character uh my other favorite book man who was

[32:07] thursday by gk chesterton i may mention on the pretty good one

[32:10] it's pretty good book i read it that's in the fiction division non-fiction of

[32:13] course power broker i kind of stick to the

[32:17] manga section and the journalist and the murderer by

[32:20] janet malcolm steward takes to the mango section

[32:24] just like tropical fruits yep i like to sit in the aisles of barnes and noble

[32:28] chomping on a fucking mango and you go and now this is a book

[32:32] yep isn't this one of the paperback favorites

[32:35] wearing those pants that i have uh cargo pants in a book and you're getting the

[32:39] actual books all sticky he's just wiping his hand on copies of

[32:42] other books my god uh you must not like culture

[32:45] mangos it's from japan that's not even correct

[32:50] sir can i at least get you a book on mangos so you can learn about what you're

[32:53] eating well you can give me a book i'm just

[32:55] gonna get all sticky with this delicious mango there's only one other mango i

[32:58] need and you pull up an snl episode on youtube

[33:01] with chris katana's mango sure sir please get out sir give me back

[33:06] my ipad you're getting mango juice how did you

[33:09] get into our wi-fi network i can only tell from your pants that

[33:13] you're some kind of a hacker or a matrix guy

[33:17] are you wearing leather pants in this scenario and a mesh

[33:20] a lot of stress we're holding i guess like what

[33:24] uh like jump drives and things yeah yeah uh so anyway we're not even done

[33:31] with the storylines no it's fine so she's no one cares so

[33:35] she's overprotective of her daughter her daughter starts dating the ex football

[33:38] player uh and everybody there's a certain point

[33:42] when every forget about the one girl uh just

[33:45] kidding simmons daughter who's like soups skinny super anna yeah well i was

[33:49] the world's teen i was talking about before

[33:51] who has a terrible eating disorder and is part of an online community of

[33:55] anorexics who and bleemix who are egging her on

[33:59] to get ever thinner or as a gypsy would say

[34:02] if their relative was hit by their car or her car

[34:05] yeah in there if she got that curse on her she'd be like

[34:09] thank you this is not a curse this is a gift yeah

[34:12] now should we just run through what happens with there's like a she could

[34:15] eat that shepherd's pie that she wanted to eat

[34:17] that's true and the cupcake that she smushes instead of just licking it like

[34:20] they advised her online uh eventually everything comes to a head

[34:25] as these story lines slam together but not before

[34:29] slam boat not before the part that made me the maddest

[34:32] which was when okay a history teacher cut to a high school history class

[34:37] high school history class the teacher said puts the word puts 9

[34:40] slash 11 on the board says what is this and i was like please let this be

[34:44] fucking math class please let it be a fraction yeah

[34:46] that they just didn't fact check after beforehand

[34:50] they were everyone on i shouldn't just let him do whatever he wanted everyone

[34:54] on set was like yeah that's a fraction and then while they were editing

[34:56] jason rightman was like oh shit i forgot that was a date of a tragedy

[35:02] wowsers oh boy can we change that digitally in post

[35:05] no uh there's something about digital technology you can't change anything

[35:08] written on a whiteboard it's called the nine uh it's called the

[35:12] never forget algorithm it just won't let you change those

[35:16] numbers we've tried running that these colors don't run but it's only

[35:20] reinforcing the problem uh so the that the teacher goes does anyone

[35:24] know what this means and one of the students goes is that the

[35:27] day that terrorists attacked world training he goes

[35:29] yes aside from pearl harbor it was the only time america was attacked by a

[35:34] foreign power on its home on home soil which is not true at this point steam

[35:38] started shooting out of elliot's ears and there's a hat flipped up in the air

[35:41] and made the sound like a tea kettle unless i missed

[35:44] the phrase in the 20th century which is also not true

[35:47] it's like what about the war of 1812 dude they burned washington dc to the

[35:51] ground why do you think we have a white house

[35:53] because they burned the executive mansion down

[35:55] honkshoe old news dude and it's like much like the

[35:58] it is old news it's over 200 years ago uh

[36:02] it's much like the rest of the movie i couldn't tell if the film was saying

[36:06] this guy is a bad history teacher or if the film was saying

[36:09] we don't know anything about history that like we as a movie

[36:13] think that this is true the movie like wanted to have it both ways throughout

[36:16] the film of the internet's bad but also hey back off

[36:20] don't don't get so mad about the internet really

[36:22] it's about being a better parent and so yeah there's a part where all the

[36:25] parents learn that they've been bad parents

[36:27] where a skinny girl who's had her first sexual experience with i like her line

[36:31] of margarita

[36:34] the girl with an eating disorder who's friends with the girl who's

[36:37] going out with the ex-football player etc etc who are hanging out at the home

[36:41] of the most offensively stereotyped gay teen

[36:44] i've ever seen in a movie it's like if you took like let's use

[36:47] some broad strokes here the only way they could have made him more

[36:51] outwardly cartoonishly gay is if he dressed like ducky from pretty and pink

[36:54] i mean he wasn't like hollywood and mannequin like he just you know he

[36:59] wasn't like oh and mannequin yeah mannequin two on

[37:01] the move no i think he's in both of them yeah he's in both of them

[37:05] i said mannequin and mannequin two on the move

[37:07] yeah i said and uh i didn't hear that connection

[37:11] mannequin will mannequin and children you have a herman's head

[37:14] mannequin two on the move yeah you're right yeah herman from herman's head is

[37:18] in that too who is that actor i forget his name

[37:22] we're calling him herman from now until infinity

[37:24] something uh william saddler william kapp

[37:30] he was uh william tell now uh william h macy who

[37:34] actually does a small cameo as a bartender in this movie

[37:38] a blue bartender barely looks like him kind of like william

[37:42] i mean he's in the background dan you can't really tell dude and he's in

[37:45] and he's a great actor he's not in the same scene with the snippiest bartender

[37:49] i've ever seen in a movie outside of the one in the grifters who

[37:52] beats up john q as i with a bat where dennis hey uh dennis haysbert

[37:56] sitting with rosemary dewitt and she goes i'll have a what'd she

[37:59] say a cosmo a cosmo and uh dennis haysbert says

[38:03] bartender uh she'll have a cosmo and he goes

[38:04] yeah i heard her it's like whoa whoa dude

[38:09] uncalled for i didn't vote for you in 24

[38:13] look the unit i don't need your sass uh so the uh all these things come to a

[38:20] head when the skinny girl who's had her first sexual experience with

[38:23] her gay friend's brother who and this is which is great

[38:26] she tells her friends they're hanging out in his room watching breaking amish

[38:30] while his his brother's friends play a guitar hero or rock star or something

[38:34] and they think they chose breaking amish as an homage to

[38:37] dean norris of breaking bad no probably probably that would be a very

[38:44] yeah uh she goes i gotta use the bathroom

[38:48] she goes to the bathroom door opens it and closes it and then

[38:51] runs into the brother has sex with him for like 45 seconds

[38:56] walks out and then just for her alibi opens and closes the bathroom door again

[39:00] now when she does this she's standing right in front of the open bedroom door

[39:04] of her of her friend he could see her walk up to

[39:07] the door open and close it and then walk in again

[39:09] i don't think breaking amish is so incredibly captivating that they can't

[39:13] their peripheral image peripheral vision just disappears but that

[39:16] touches one of the few times like i came close to liking the movie though on

[39:19] the other hand because it's like that's a stupid teenager yeah yeah uh she

[39:24] ends up having an ectopic pregnancy but because her body is so malnourished

[39:28] which has nothing to do with ghosts no it is not an ectoplasmic

[39:31] pregnancy in which is when i yeah i guess slimer comes after you

[39:36] shitload of hot dogs

[39:40] just like that just like that cosby show episode where he dreams he gives birth

[39:44] to a submarine sandwich after i assume a submarine sandwich roofie cosby

[39:48] and sexually assaulted him and that's where he got that's how you do it i guess

[39:52] the cosby world yeah the cosmoverse and so uh

[39:57] so her jk just kidding simmons is not kidding

[40:00] he is very disappointed

[40:02] like i'm so happy i'm going to leave this movie forever and i feel like a

[40:06] person to be able to do you know and how do you uh... the kid who can't get it up

[40:11] except if it's a video he tries to have sex with the indian girl who has the

[40:14] website

[40:15] and

[40:16] he can do it seems like it's right up his alley right

[40:19] yet you think so

[40:20] but uh... it doesn't work his parents never find out he has a problem

[40:24] uh...

[40:25] football kid

[40:27] he uses the as a problem at the end of the day you just needs like to talk to

[40:31] more people actually make a connection with somebody that isn't totally like

[40:34] i don't know self-obsessed

[40:36] i guess you're right yeah

[40:38] uh...

[40:40] the football kid

[40:41] uh... adam sandler and his wife eventually decide hey you know what

[40:45] let's not tell each other about our dalliances we'll just have breakfast

[40:47] forget about it yeah we'll just forget about it

[40:52] there's a great scene of adam sandler making breakfast and he's cutting food

[40:57] like a guy who has never cut food before. He's cutting onions and he's cutting them into the smallest little cubes.

[41:04] he wants to get every bit of teardrop out of his eyes with those onions. Like you know in his head he's like

[41:09] making breakfast

[41:10] making breakfast like a person. This is what someone who doesn't have a living chef does

[41:14] right? He's singing an opera band song about making breakfast.

[41:18] That is his red hooded sweatshirt

[41:23] and uh... the football guy he's mad because his mom is getting remarried he has a fight

[41:27] with his dad

[41:28] his dad finds out that his friends on guild wars were razzing him

[41:33] with some off-color remarks about his mom so he calls his credit card company has

[41:37] them delete the account

[41:38] which is how that works i guess

[41:40] now the football kid after having gotten in a fist fight with a guy who threw a

[41:44] football at his girlfriend

[41:46] uh... was given depression pills by school psychologist phil lamarr

[41:50] and so he contacts his girlfriend.

[41:53] Hermes from Futurama

[41:55] He has a full name, it's Hermes Pan.

[41:58] Actually no, it's a choreographer I guess.

[42:00] the

[42:03] where was I?

[42:04] He got all these depression pills. He's so distraught over his dad

[42:08] deleting his guild wars account he gets in touch with his girlfriend

[42:11] He just needs to make a human connection for a change. But his girlfriend's crazy mom

[42:15] has got the phone and tells him

[42:17] thinking it's her

[42:18] oh and she discovered a secret tumblr account that her daughter had where she

[42:22] dresses up like a

[42:23] she pulls a whole

[42:26] Cindy Sherman untitled film stills where she dresses up in a bunch of

[42:29] different costumes and stuff. She's mad about it. She pretends to be her daughter on the

[42:33] phone and tells the boyfriend to buzz off. The boyfriend

[42:36] having lost both his girlfriend and his guild wars account one night

[42:40] tries to kill himself with the pills

[42:43] and his dad forces the realization on him that

[42:48] his mom left both his dad and him. And is never coming back.

[42:52] and so uh...

[42:54] the

[42:55] they go off and do

[42:57] whatever

[42:57] uh... his girlfriend shows up and finds him almost dead. They go to the hospital

[43:02] in the hospital

[43:04] Jennifer Garner realizes she's made a terrible mistake

[43:07] Are there any plots I've forgotten about? I've made a terrible mistake.

[43:10] uh... and uh... Dean Norris gets back to Judy Greer after she realizes that she

[43:15] is being a bad mom soccer mom by taking photographs of her daughter. Judy Greer gets a call from

[43:19] America's Next Big Celebrity

[43:21] and they tell her hey your daughter had the best audition but there's this weird

[43:25] website she has where she's just in underpants

[43:27] and we can't allow that

[43:29] because the entertainment business and the reality TV business is about

[43:32] wholesomeness and quality

[43:34] she is distraught she mentions it to Dean Norris. It's really nice of that person though to

[43:38] explain all the reasons. She gives a very thorough explanation as opposed to just sending them a rejection letter.

[43:43] She says to Dean Norris hey I do this thing is that weird? He's like that's super weird I

[43:47] don't want to see you.

[43:48] She tells her daughter she deleted the site. Her daughter is mad at her and

[43:51] runs off

[43:52] calls her the b-word

[43:54] that's right a butterface

[43:57] and uh... she and Dean Norris get back together

[43:59] and in the end everybody has kind of like re- much like a Shakespeare play

[44:03] everyone's kind of re-paired up into couples

[44:06] and then

[44:08] a satellite floats through space and Emma Thompson reads us a super pretentious

[44:13] Carl Sagan quote about how important it is to remember that we're all

[44:17] together on this dust mode of a speck of a planet

[44:20] floating in the infinity of the universe

[44:22] so let's take care of it shall we and take care of each other

[44:24] and that's it

[44:26] that's the end

[44:28] so what I think Carl Sagan was thinking was

[44:31] why don't you make a podcast about this movie? I wish the movie would end with aliens just blasting

[44:35] that satellite and never listening to the record on it. Yep, a fucking void whale

[44:39] swallowing it up whole

[44:42] and then what? It goes right into the mouth of the asteroid worm from Empire Strikes Back

[44:47] it's like finally I've been so hungry. It gets devoured by a bunch of minox

[44:52] and then those aliens hover above the earth and the words

[44:55] to be continued

[44:58] in Men, Women, and Children 2. Men, Women, and Children versus the aliens. Yeah so uh...

[45:04] let's just move on to Final Judgments whether this is a good bad movie

[45:07] a bad bad movie or a movie you kind of liked

[45:11] I will say that for the first fifteen to twenty minutes of this movie

[45:15] I thought you loved it

[45:17] I thought this is maybe my least favorite movie we've ever watched because it was

[45:21] so

[45:23] so overbearing about all the internet stuff like

[45:26] it was just an article in movie form

[45:29] and the article was a hysterical article about how

[45:33] the internet is ruining everything

[45:35] uh... rather than

[45:36] you know taking the internet as maybe a symptom of pre-existing problems like

[45:40] the internet is a tool. The internet is not in and of itself bad. The internet

[45:43] can be used for bad and it can be used for good and all the bad things that were shown

[45:47] being used for

[45:49] there's a good

[45:51] side. Like Stewart pointed out, the anorexia

[45:54] thing where people were

[45:55] encouraging the girl to be anorexic

[45:57] it could just as easily have been a support group for anorexics who were like

[46:01] no you can't do this you gotta do something else. As much as the internet can

[46:05] alienate people it also can bring people together. I think we also, maybe we take it a little

[46:09] personally because we do an internet

[46:11] internet-based podcast that has a following on the internet and we've seen a lot of

[46:14] people become friends and kind of get through tough

[46:17] times by reaching out to each other. I've made friends with people like Elliot

[46:21] Kaelin and Dan McCoy. Yeah, and like I met my wife. Over the internet. We're not actually sitting in the same room?

[46:25] No, we've never met. Never met in person. We're actually uh... we've been, we're in the matrix right now.

[46:30] Oh, great. We're all in the matrix all the time, that's why this steak tastes so good. I'm just pulling up

[46:35] uh... a bunch of shelves with super cool weapons on them. I'll take two katanas, please.

[46:41] The katanas aren't really going to help you in the gunfight. They're going to look cool though. I'm going to chop bullets in half.

[46:46] And speaking of someone who like met his wife on the internet, like that's

[46:50] the idea that

[46:51] I mean, but then by the second half of the movie

[46:54] it's about... All that gets abandoned. It's about bad parenting. It's like, you thought this was about the internet?

[46:58] No, no, no, no, no. It's about bad parenting. And I hated the movie slightly less when that happened, but...

[47:02] Well, because stuff started happening. Yeah, like... I wish that the stuff had started happening. That would have been great.

[47:07] And by the time stuff started happening, like, I was like, okay, well, there are good actors doing this and there's...

[47:13] it's shot glossily, so it's not...

[47:16] at least it's not super boring, but the movie's bad. It's a bad, bad movie. It is super boring though.

[47:21] Yeah. There were two times when we checked how much movie was left

[47:24] and both times I thought that we had like ten minutes left and then it turned out once we were not even halfway through the film.

[47:30] And the second time I think we still had like

[47:32] thirty minutes left. Yeah, the first half hour of the movie was more preachy and insufferable than

[47:37] God's Not Dead, a movie that is all preachy.

[47:42] This movie felt like... So imagine you're a kid and... In a candy store. You're a kid and you have

[47:47] dinner and your parents are like, well, if you eat your vegetables you'll get your dessert.

[47:50] And you're like, okay, and you start eating vegetables and they're like,

[47:53] here's some more vegetables, kid. And you keep eating vegetables and it actually turns out those vegetables are filled with poison because they're wrong.

[48:02] Does this metaphor make sense? It's not exactly... I thought you were going to say there was no dessert at the end.

[48:06] There was no dessert at all. But bad, bad is what you're saying.

[48:09] Yeah.

[48:10] All right.

[48:11] I mean, good, great.

[48:12] Yeah, I'm going to say best picture. Okay.

[48:14] That sounds great.

[48:21] Hi, everybody. I'm Justin McElroy.

[48:23] And I'm Dr. Sydney McElroy.

[48:25] Every Tuesday, we bring you Sawbones, a marital tour of misguided medicine, a show about all the dumb, weird, terrible ways that we've tried to fix each other over the years.

[48:35] You know, some light summer listening.

[48:38] Maybe you want to hear about yogurt enemas or why we tried to eat mummies for a while or why drinking cholera diarrhea sounded like a good idea.

[48:46] That and so much more is waiting for you every Tuesday right here on the Maximum Fun Network with Sawbones, a marital tour of misguided medicine.

[48:59] Before we move on to letters, first off.

[49:03] First off, Waltz.

[49:07] Not a great interview, that guy.

[49:10] Too bad, because he seems so delightful.

[49:12] He's a great character actor.

[49:13] There are a lot of plugs, actually, that look real.

[49:18] When did you start losing your hair?

[49:22] I've never had hair.

[49:23] I was bald as a baby and it's all been plugged.

[49:27] I mean, most people are bald as babies.

[49:29] Did you just not wait for the hair to grow in?

[49:31] Elliot, have you ever seen the movie Powder?

[49:33] Yeah, good point.

[49:37] No, there's some plugs that I want to get in here.

[49:41] First off, a bunch of plugs for friends of the show.

[49:45] And then lastly, a plug for us.

[49:48] So that's a teaser.

[49:49] There's a plug for us.

[49:54] Somewhere a plug for us.

[49:58] And that's somewhere at the end of these other.

[50:00] Yeah. So they're going to be chomping at the bit.

[50:03] Chomping. They're going to be chomping at the bit, so let's get through these other plugs first.

[50:07] Is this a bit? Let's just keep going, because I'm not chomping on it.

[50:10] Okay, so first off, I've been meaning to...

[50:13] First off, false.

[50:15] I've been meaning to four months.

[50:18] I can see you resisting it the first time I said that.

[50:21] No, I resisted it the second time.

[50:24] You said the first time and I said it, then the second time I wanted to, and the third time I came back to it.

[50:28] Okay, so...

[50:31] I've been meaning to make this plug for a long time and I just keep forgetting.

[50:35] My brother John...

[50:37] It's the 2012 Olympics. They're in China, everybody.

[50:42] Finally, China's time on the world stage.

[50:45] It's Charles Dickens' new...

[50:50] What the fuck?

[50:51] What, novel?

[50:52] Yeah, but I was like...

[50:53] Serial?

[50:54] Serial.

[50:55] It's called Dickens-Os.

[50:57] World's Fair in Chicago, everybody.

[51:00] The White City.

[51:01] It's the Columbian Exposition.

[51:03] Hell, they have some kind of Ferris wheel? I don't even know.

[51:06] Go see it.

[51:08] Is the devil there?

[51:09] Sure.

[51:11] So, the first plug.

[51:13] I've been meaning to say this for a while.

[51:14] My brother John has a podcast called Sophomore Lit.

[51:19] I wanted to plug it.

[51:22] He looks at books that are typically assigned in high school English classes

[51:29] and he revisits them as an adult to talk about whether they hold up,

[51:35] why you think that there have been books that are assigned to generation after generation of high school kids.

[51:44] I was on an episode talking about Lord of the Flies.

[51:47] There have been episodes about Catching the Rye, a separate piece.

[51:50] When you guys were talking about Lord of the Flies, did you guys break it down?

[51:55] What clique were you in?

[51:56] We broke it down.

[51:57] Were you a piggy? Were you a Ralph?

[52:00] No, I talked about how I was very sympathetic to piggy.

[52:03] Of course, everybody's sympathetic to piggy.

[52:06] Who were the bad guys?

[52:08] The gremlins.

[52:09] I was a gremlin.

[52:12] The deviling of piggy.

[52:14] That's a podcast I've been meaning to tell people to check out.

[52:16] Like many podcasts, to some degree, it leans a lot on who the guest is.

[52:25] There are some that are very good because of the guest,

[52:28] but all of them I think are good because my brother is a good host.

[52:33] So that's Sophomore Lit.

[52:34] I also wanted to do a shout-out to friend of the show,

[52:39] Carolyn Fulford's podcast, The Loose Cannon Podcast.

[52:42] That's C-A-N-O-N podcast.

[52:45] It's a movie podcast from more of a feminist perspective.

[52:51] So you should check that out.

[52:54] Have you done a guest on that yet?

[52:56] I have not.

[52:58] But I also wanted to do a plug for our friend, Ramel Wood,

[53:05] who is doing a live show on Monday the 16th at 730 at Videology.

[53:12] That's free.

[53:14] And Monday the 16th at 730 at Videology.

[53:16] It's Monday after this episode airs.

[53:18] Cutting it close.

[53:20] She's doing the Dolores Claiborne Minute Live with Ramel Wood

[53:25] of Radio Free Brooklyn's Ear Hammer featuring body and mod,

[53:28] film podcast host Elinor Kagan and Ksenia Yarosh,

[53:31] as well as Alamo Draft House programmer Christina.

[53:35] No, Christine.

[53:37] Just a small piece of bread.

[53:39] Yeah, it's a piece of bread with basil and tomato and olive oil on it.

[53:45] That's delicious.

[53:47] Christina Cacioppo.

[53:49] That's how you say her last name, right?

[53:51] Close enough.

[53:52] I'm glad you did that.

[53:55] But this is a thing that started out kind of as a joke on recap culture,

[54:00] the idea that you do a recap of, you know, like television shows,

[54:03] and she's like, you know, what can I do a recap of?

[54:06] I'll do a recap of a minute of the movie Dolores Claiborne.

[54:09] Telling you what happened in that minute.

[54:11] But it's become more of something.

[54:16] It's become more.

[54:17] J-more.

[54:18] Yeah, so that's going to be Videology.

[54:21] All the hosts are great friends of ours and people we respect.

[54:25] Great people.

[54:26] Check them out.

[54:27] It's going to be a good show.

[54:28] I hope to make it, but I don't know if I'm going to, but I hope to.

[54:30] But lastly, let's move on to our plug, which is The Flophouse Live.

[54:35] It's happening again.

[54:37] What?

[54:38] At the Bell House in beautiful Gowanus, Brooklyn.

[54:41] Beautiful is an overstatement.

[54:43] Literally walking distance from my apartment.

[54:47] And mine, but slightly farther walking distance.

[54:49] Dan will probably take a car.

[54:51] Now, the Bell House, we did our last live show there.

[54:55] We haven't done a live show in like a year.

[54:57] Yep.

[54:58] This will be our first live show since we sold out the place for Podfest.

[55:02] So we're hoping to sell it out again.

[55:04] We're hoping to resell out.

[55:06] The who sell out again, let's say.

[55:09] So, yeah, so buy a ticket for yourself.

[55:12] Buy a ticket for all your friends.

[55:14] Not just one ticket for all your friends.

[55:17] Buy a ticket for my parents so they'll actually come and see me for a change.

[55:20] Maybe like buy a ticket for Santa.

[55:22] Santa, okay, yeah, yeah.

[55:24] Buy a ticket for Elijah.

[55:26] Yeah, he's not going to show up, but, you know.

[55:28] That's his thing.

[55:30] So, no, it's on January the 15th.

[55:33] 2016.

[55:35] Wow, next year.

[55:36] The show is at 9 p.m.

[55:37] The doors open at 8.30.

[55:39] That sounds like a great Christmas gift or holiday gift.

[55:42] I guess, maybe.

[55:43] Whatever holiday you celebrate, if you want to buy someone a Diwali gift, go ahead and do it.

[55:46] It's $12.

[55:48] It's at the Bell House, 149 7th Street in Brooklyn.

[55:52] We haven't decided what movie we will be discussing yet.

[55:56] But it's going to be a big dumb one.

[55:58] Yeah, rest assured, we'll come up with something great.

[56:00] We've been batting around some ideas, and I think people are going to be really interested when we tear down Fury Road.

[56:05] What a stinker.

[56:09] So, those are our plugs.

[56:12] I want to also say.

[56:14] This has been plug talk.

[56:16] No, no, it's good.

[56:17] It's great.

[56:18] Anyway.

[56:19] Oh, gosh.

[56:20] I noticed you checking your Apple Watch very poor during that.

[56:25] I just wanted to show off that I have one.

[56:28] It's really cool.

[56:29] It's like a secret agent from the 50s.

[56:33] Who went to the future and got an Apple Watch?

[56:35] Before we move on to letters, I just want to thank people for sending us a few things.

[56:42] I want to thank Keith Phipps.

[56:43] You may know Keith Phipps from, of course, The Dissolve.

[56:46] I thought it was Keith, last name withheld.

[56:48] And the Onion AV Club.

[56:51] They call him Mr. Phipps.

[56:53] Sure.

[56:54] No, wait, they call him Mr. Pibb.

[56:57] Yeah.

[56:58] But thank you very much.

[57:00] I will read a letter that he sent to us with something like 30 DVDs that he sent.

[57:05] A lot of DVDs.

[57:06] Yeah.

[57:07] Dear flop friends, as you know, I used to have an office.

[57:10] And in that office, I could pile up so much crap.

[57:12] Just mounds and mounds of wonderful crap.

[57:15] I no longer have that office.

[57:16] And though I now have a home office with a towering set of shelves,

[57:19] I still have to be selective about the physical media I keep.

[57:22] Which brings us to the contents of this box.

[57:25] In an ideal world, I'd have room to store these movies and time to watch them.

[57:30] In this world, I have neither.

[57:32] But I can't bear the thought of just selling them off or giving them away to strangers.

[57:36] And I thought they might find a good home with you.

[57:38] The enclosed films include everything from boobs and butts to eviscerations and eyeball gouging.

[57:44] Making an educated guess on those last two.

[57:46] I recommend Sugar Hill, which I've seen.

[57:49] It's a blaxploitation zombie movie filmed in Houston.

[57:52] I like it in part because it's a rare revenge movie with the message that revenge is awesome.

[57:57] Please enjoy it as a small token of my appreciation for your continued excellence in flopdom.

[58:03] Your pal, Keith Phipps.

[58:05] Thanks, Keith.

[58:06] Thanks, Keith.

[58:07] Thanks for taking a box full of your crap and sending it to Brooklyn, a place where we have a ton of space for crap.

[58:14] Yeah.

[58:15] I don't know why you have to be so sarcastic about literally the most generous gift.

[58:21] No, it's a super great gift. I love it.

[58:23] Wow.

[58:25] You should have seen how far back Stewart's eyes rolled.

[58:28] Yep, they rolled all the way back like a slot machine.

[58:32] And they had said, bar, bar, fruit.

[58:36] I have three eyes now, I guess.

[58:39] I've been spending a lot of time with my yogi.

[58:42] Yogi Bear, yeah.

[58:45] This one's called the Stolen Ficketic Basket.

[58:49] I'm getting really excited.

[58:51] I'm sorry.

[58:52] Jesus Christ.

[58:53] I'm trying to cross my legs.

[58:55] Apologize to the listener who I assumed that sounded like an earthquake.

[58:58] Stewart crossed his legs and bumped the table, and his microphone jumped back in fear.

[59:03] Okay.

[59:04] I also want to thank listener Michael Siri for sending me a lovely photo of myself and my now sadly deceased cat, Lulu, which hangs in my home.

[59:19] Thank you for sending me a package that I opened up and made me cry almost immediately.

[59:25] I would say there's few things creepier than getting a package and opening it up and finding a photograph of yourself.

[59:31] Well, it was pretty obvious that I was sort of incidental to that.

[59:36] The cat was the main feature.

[59:38] So he's stalking your cat.

[59:40] It was very nice and also very sad-making.

[59:44] Yeah, sad-making.

[59:47] My wife's and my sad-making has gone down in recent years.

[59:51] When you have a kid, you're not sad as much.

[59:53] You're spending too much time playing Words with Friends.

[59:56] As in the movie, yeah.

[59:57] We're sitting next to each other playing Words with Friends together.

[1:00:00] Instead of making sad, we're breaking sad with Dean Norris.

[1:00:05] Oh wow.

[1:00:06] But thank you to everyone and now we move on to letters from listeners.

[1:00:11] Ba-da-ba-ba-ba, letters.

[1:00:12] Let's get it moving.

[1:00:13] LA's got a hot date to get home to.

[1:00:18] Yeah, it's called sleep before my son wakes me up.

[1:00:21] It's called DraftKings.

[1:00:22] No, you can't do that in our state anymore.

[1:00:28] So this goes, hi, my favorite original peaches.

[1:00:31] It's November, so you know what that means.

[1:00:34] Cajmus creep has begun.

[1:00:35] You can already see the decorative ornaments and traditional Cajmus piñatas lining the

[1:00:42] halls of your local superstore.

[1:00:44] My question to you is this, what are your favorite Cajmus carols?

[1:00:48] I'm a big fan of R-O-C-K and the USA around the Cajmus tree, as well as God rest you merry

[1:00:54] ghost writers.

[1:00:55] And I can't help but cry when I hear Stolen Night.

[1:00:59] I'm really surprised.

[1:01:00] I expected a novelty holiday album from Elliot, if not the whole flop gang.

[1:01:04] P.S.

[1:01:05] If you would be so kind, please plug my own podcast in your show.

[1:01:08] All right.

[1:01:09] It's called...

[1:01:10] Dan, you choose to read this letter.

[1:01:11] You have to read this one.

[1:01:13] It's called Goober...

[1:01:14] You can stop any time you want.

[1:01:15] It's called Goobermensch.

[1:01:16] It tracks my friend Dylan Lastname Withheld and my travel on the road to self-improvement

[1:01:22] and all the comedic tangents we have along the way.

[1:01:25] We do weekly homework...

[1:01:26] We kind of copyright tangents.

[1:01:27] Listeners submitted challenges and discuss our myriad problems.

[1:01:30] Thanks.

[1:01:31] That's Goobermensch.

[1:01:32] Keep on flopping in the free world.

[1:01:34] Nathan Lastname Withheld.

[1:01:35] Yeah.

[1:01:36] I assume his last name is Goobermensch.

[1:01:37] Thanks, Nate Dog.

[1:01:38] It does seem like Cajmus comes earlier every year.

[1:01:40] Yeah.

[1:01:41] Yeah.

[1:01:42] We had Cajmus in July, even.

[1:01:43] I was in a Dwayne Reed the other day to buy Turkey Day stuff, and instead it's Nicholas

[1:01:48] Cage this, Nicholas Cage that.

[1:01:50] I just want to buy an iTunes gift card to give my mom for Turkey Day.

[1:01:55] You give gifts on Thanksgiving?

[1:01:57] Yeah.

[1:01:58] You sneak it into the turkey butt.

[1:01:59] You cut open the turkey and the gifts shoot out.

[1:02:02] I've always been a...

[1:02:04] Wouldn't they be all cooked and burnt?

[1:02:07] Not if you get a good high-quality plastic one from Dwayne Reed.

[1:02:13] It'd be crazy.

[1:02:17] I've always been...

[1:02:18] That's why they call it stuffing.

[1:02:21] It doesn't make sense.

[1:02:23] I'll be back.

[1:02:25] You know what?

[1:02:28] You know what?

[1:02:29] Whatever.

[1:02:30] I was going to play into this premise of Cajmus Carols, but I don't think it's worth it.

[1:02:37] I think that was a better...

[1:02:38] No, that was much better.

[1:02:39] Yeah.

[1:02:40] So, uh...

[1:02:41] So, nice try, Nathan.

[1:02:43] Nathan, for you.

[1:02:46] Nathan, not for us this time.

[1:02:48] They seem like a nice guy, though.

[1:02:50] This next letter goes like this.

[1:02:55] Howdy, dudes.

[1:02:58] I've realized that all but one of the original Peaches has admitted to a sordid affair with

[1:03:03] everyone's beloved Anne Hathaway.

[1:03:05] Elliot, we all know that back in high school, you two were star-crushed lovers.

[1:03:09] Hollywood star-crushed...

[1:03:10] Star-crusted lovers.

[1:03:11] Star-crushed...

[1:03:12] Oh, man, you got to pay extra for that.

[1:03:16] Our crusts were filled with stars.

[1:03:18] Just like in 2001 A Space Odyssey, Dave Bowen just cut open the crust on his pizza and said,

[1:03:24] my God, it's full of stars.

[1:03:27] Yeah, because it's new Pizza House star-crushed pizza.

[1:03:31] Yep.

[1:03:32] Those monkeys are like, get the obelisk, it's Domino's.

[1:03:36] He throws the bone in the air, and then it turns into a dough that's been thrown up by

[1:03:42] an Italian pizza maker.

[1:03:45] But he threw it up in zero gravity on a spaceship so it never comes down.

[1:03:50] That's why you can't have pizza in space.

[1:03:53] You two were star-crushed lovers.

[1:03:56] Are you seamless, Dave?

[1:03:58] Hollywood starlet meets whiny dork.

[1:04:01] It was the romance of the ages.

[1:04:03] Dan, as we all know, after Elliot and Anne ended their once-secret affair, Anne Hathaway

[1:04:08] went on to marry none other than William Shakespeare.

[1:04:13] Let me check the records.

[1:04:14] Yep, that bears out.

[1:04:15] That is almost technically factually correct, Dan Knowtson aside.

[1:04:19] Because of all this, we all know that Anne's butt holds a special place in Dan's heart.

[1:04:24] But Stu, what are you hiding?

[1:04:27] Where do you play in Anne Hathaway's life?

[1:04:29] Have you been the weird perv who's been pulling the strings in Hollywood to make Ms. Hathaway

[1:04:33] have a cute makeover in every single movie?

[1:04:36] Princess Diaries, Devil Wears Prada, Dark Knight Rises, Les Miserables?

[1:04:39] Brokeback Mountain.

[1:04:40] What's your secret, Stuart?

[1:04:42] Jude, last name not withheld, Jackson.

[1:04:45] Well, let's see.

[1:04:47] Wow, I didn't realize I...

[1:04:49] That never denies Cameron Jackson.

[1:04:51] Jackson, indeed.

[1:04:55] I remember his dad, Action Jackson.

[1:05:01] Of course, descended from the American president, Andrew Japson.

[1:05:04] Yep, and football star, Bo Japson.

[1:05:07] Hey, he knew two sports.

[1:05:09] He does know Diddley.

[1:05:12] Let's see.

[1:05:15] What is my deal with old Annie Haths?

[1:05:18] Well, you can probably see me in the backs of scenes that she's in.

[1:05:24] The backs of scenes?

[1:05:26] In the rear of the scene.

[1:05:28] Is that like the butt of a scene?

[1:05:30] Whoa, dude, I was just talking about the rear.

[1:05:32] I mean, I guess the rear of the scene.

[1:05:34] Yeah, in the background.

[1:05:36] I was a background artist.

[1:05:38] Background.

[1:05:41] I've never heard it said like two words before.

[1:05:44] It makes me realize how weird that saying is.

[1:05:46] Background.

[1:05:48] I love whenever Stu is delighted and he claps at something.

[1:05:50] He claps like he's one of those monkeys with the cymbals.

[1:05:54] Just chattering his teeth away.

[1:05:56] Bringing bad luck to kids.

[1:05:58] I was a background artist in movies like

[1:06:00] The Dark Knight Rising,

[1:06:04] Brokeback Mountain,

[1:06:07] Havoc,

[1:06:09] Princess Diaries.

[1:06:11] These are all names of Anne Hathaway movies.

[1:06:13] So I was in the background of some of those scenes.

[1:06:15] Like when you see the gang members hanging out,

[1:06:17] I was one of those gang members in the movie Havoc.

[1:06:19] In the movie Dark Knight Rising,

[1:06:21] when there's those gang members in the background,

[1:06:23] I was one of those gang members.

[1:06:25] In the Princess Diaries,

[1:06:27] where she goes up and scolds those gang members,

[1:06:29] I was one of the supporting gang members.

[1:06:31] And in Les Mis, you were a gang member.

[1:06:33] Oh, of course I was.

[1:06:35] In Les Mis, you were her beautiful pixie haircut.

[1:06:38] Well, thanks for...

[1:06:40] I hope that clarified things.

[1:06:42] If not,

[1:06:44] hit me up on my cell, dawg.

[1:06:46] And you'll be like,

[1:06:48] new phone, who dis?

[1:06:50] Dude, don't spoil it.

[1:06:52] God.

[1:06:54] So this next letter says,

[1:06:56] Hey.

[1:06:58] Hey, genius

[1:07:00] sex machine,

[1:07:02] Dan.

[1:07:04] You guys have made repeated reference

[1:07:06] to a comic book storyline where, quote,

[1:07:08] Superboy flies to the edge of the universe

[1:07:10] and punches reality.

[1:07:12] Wait, what? Come on.

[1:07:14] Riley Lastname withheld.

[1:07:16] It was like Infinite Crisis.

[1:07:18] That was DC's big reboot

[1:07:20] crossover from a couple years ago.

[1:07:22] Was Lobo in that one, or was that 52?

[1:07:24] Of course Lobo was in it.

[1:07:26] Or was that 54?

[1:07:28] Studio 54?

[1:07:30] Car 54, where are you?

[1:07:32] Wait, so,

[1:07:34] Car 54, where are you? And Studio 54,

[1:07:36] were they related in any way?

[1:07:38] They're like the same time frame, right, Dan?

[1:07:40] They're not at all.

[1:07:42] Car 54 was a little earlier than Studio 54.

[1:07:44] Yeah, but it couldn't have been that early.

[1:07:46] They had to have invented cars.

[1:07:48] It wasn't like the 1830s.

[1:07:50] Yeah, it's not like a bunch of monkeys

[1:07:52] with a bone around an obelisk.

[1:07:54] I mean, from a geological point of view,

[1:07:56] Car 54 is still on the air.

[1:07:58] Yeah.

[1:08:00] So I hope that answers your question about DC Comics.

[1:08:02] Anyway, it was Infinite Crisis.

[1:08:04] Last letter of the evening.

[1:08:06] Hey Peaches.

[1:08:08] Yeah, that was Infinite Crisis, right?

[1:08:10] I don't know.

[1:08:12] It was how they solved all their...

[1:08:14] They did a bunch of reboots.

[1:08:16] Was Booster Gold in that one?

[1:08:18] They were all in it.

[1:08:20] Every character.

[1:08:22] I think even Prez was in it.

[1:08:24] Even Brother Power the Geek I think was in it.

[1:08:26] They wanted to clean up their universe

[1:08:28] and it was a way of explaining it.

[1:08:30] I don't know.

[1:08:32] Fucking Superboy Punch is a thing.

[1:08:34] Matter-Eating Lad eats the whole shit.

[1:08:36] Who cares?

[1:08:38] Bouncing Boy bounced too hard, I guess.

[1:08:40] Plastic Man and Baby Plas.

[1:08:42] I don't know.

[1:08:44] Just hit the rewind button.

[1:08:46] It was only in the cartoons.

[1:08:48] There are times when I'll remember

[1:08:50] the Plastic Man cartoon show from when we were kids

[1:08:52] and I'll be like, did that show really exist?

[1:08:54] So my wife has never read a comic book,

[1:08:56] but for some reason she watched

[1:08:58] the Plastic Man cartoon show.

[1:09:00] So anytime there's a stretchy character,

[1:09:02] we'll see the ad for the Fantastic Four movie.

[1:09:04] She's like, is he like Plastic Man

[1:09:06] or Baby Plas?

[1:09:08] She thinks Baby Plas is like

[1:09:10] the second biggest character in Superheroes.

[1:09:12] I think she's fucking with me.

[1:09:14] Every time we see a Boba Fett around,

[1:09:16] she's like, he's a robot, right?

[1:09:18] You're like, he's clearly not.

[1:09:20] He's wearing khaki pants.

[1:09:22] Robots can't wear khaki pants.

[1:09:24] That's insane.

[1:09:26] Robots like to party.

[1:09:28] Yeah.

[1:09:30] They wear blue jeans.

[1:09:32] They're wearing denims.

[1:09:34] So this last letter of the evening

[1:09:36] goes like this,

[1:09:38] which may be the goofiest letter segment ever.

[1:09:40] Invisible Maniac, Castle Freak,

[1:09:42] and Head of the Family.

[1:09:44] Three great tastes.

[1:09:46] Welcome to a bar.

[1:09:48] The bartender's like, but you're moving.

[1:09:50] But I'm the granny.

[1:09:52] So the bar is running around.

[1:09:54] So it's a bar for horror movie people?

[1:09:56] I mean, I guess

[1:09:58] a bar of actual DVDs.

[1:10:00] Yes, they went to the bar called Pimpin's Place.

[1:10:05] OK, that was silly.

[1:10:06] Dan, go on.

[1:10:07] Those three movies, soon to be released by Criterion as the Wellington Collection,

[1:10:12] are well established in the flophouse canon as Stewart's favorite films.

[1:10:17] Yeah.

[1:10:18] What are Dan and Elliot's equivalent to the Wellington Collection, though?

[1:10:22] For you two, which three films would you pick out as not necessarily

[1:10:24] the best films of all time, but rather the films

[1:10:27] that are most characteristic of your taste?

[1:10:30] Stewart, since your three picks are already established,

[1:10:33] feel free to just sit quietly and smug judgment of your friend's taste.

[1:10:37] Looking forward to your answers.

[1:10:38] First name withheld.

[1:10:39] Last name withheld.

[1:10:39] Middle name danger.

[1:10:41] I can chime in, though, because Dan, one of Dan's has stopped making sense.

[1:10:45] Well, here's the thing.

[1:10:46] Stop making sense.

[1:10:46] Cheeky.

[1:10:47] One, two, three, one, Dan.

[1:10:49] No, I mean, there's actually a difference between...

[1:10:52] Emanuel goes to college.

[1:10:53] Boom.

[1:10:53] Emanuel goes to college.

[1:10:56] Woman with weird sensuality-based superpowers.

[1:10:59] It turns out you didn't finish your degree.

[1:11:01] We need you to come back.

[1:11:02] See, there's a difference between, like, the movies that would...

[1:11:07] There was a difference between the movies that would, like,

[1:11:09] be most emblematic of my taste and the movies that would be equivalent

[1:11:12] to the Wellington Collection.

[1:11:14] Because, like, if we're talking about the former,

[1:11:17] yeah, maybe, like, Stop Making Sense and, I don't know, The Third Man

[1:11:20] and His Girl Friday, put those together or something like that.

[1:11:23] Or, like, maybe toss in some Marx Brothers.

[1:11:25] But...

[1:11:26] Sure, toss in a couple of them.

[1:11:27] If...

[1:11:29] Yeah.

[1:11:30] Just make sure one of them's not Zeppo.

[1:11:31] Yeah, not Zeppo.

[1:11:33] Gummo.

[1:11:34] Gummo isn't there just as, like, a fabric softener.

[1:11:38] But...

[1:11:39] Yeah, because nothing sounds more like a fabric softener than gum.

[1:11:42] Dan, remind me to never let you do my laundry.

[1:11:45] But if we're doing, like, an equivalent to Stuart's

[1:11:49] Wellington Collection,

[1:11:51] I don't know, I think I might...

[1:11:53] Mine might be Return of the Living Dead,

[1:11:56] which I've mentioned almost as much as Stuart has mentioned his movies.

[1:12:00] Yep.

[1:12:03] You recommend Stop Making Sense at least twice.

[1:12:05] Yeah, but this is a different...

[1:12:06] We're talking about a different craft, though.

[1:12:07] What have you seen on a plane?

[1:12:09] We're not craft.

[1:12:10] See, you're making me forget.

[1:12:12] Oh, I'm messing up your train of thought.

[1:12:14] You're messing up my flow.

[1:12:14] Do you want Elliot to do his flow a little bit?

[1:12:16] You just threw a mind penny onto his train of thought.

[1:12:19] Yeah, sure.

[1:12:20] Well, that's because you're asking my favorite movies would be...

[1:12:24] Yeah, they're different things.

[1:12:25] They're different, because then that would be

[1:12:26] The Taking of Pelham, 1, 2, 3, the original,

[1:12:30] Shadow of a Doubt,

[1:12:31] and either A Night at the Opera or The Miracle of Morgan's Creek.

[1:12:36] But it kind of like...

[1:12:37] But yeah, those three movies...

[1:12:38] But the equivalent to the Wellington Collection,

[1:12:39] I've got it, I remember.

[1:12:41] It was Return of the Living Dead,

[1:12:43] Big Trouble in Little China,

[1:12:44] and I don't know, maybe The Monster Squad.

[1:12:47] Like, I don't know what...

[1:12:49] Yeah, I mean, there's...

[1:12:51] Don't get me wrong, Stuart.

[1:12:52] There are too many movies where I think of where I'm like,

[1:12:54] yeah, that would be like that,

[1:12:55] except I have more respect for that movie

[1:12:56] than I think you do for, like, Invisible Maniac.

[1:12:59] I feel like even, like, Gremlins 2, The New Match.

[1:13:02] Like, Gremlins 2, The New Match

[1:13:03] is a genuinely brilliant movie that I love.

[1:13:06] Like, I wouldn't ever recommend that as, like, a joke,

[1:13:08] but maybe I'd recommend, like...

[1:13:10] Even, like, Return of the Living Dead I think is great.

[1:13:12] You know, like...

[1:13:13] I think you guys are suggesting

[1:13:14] I'm recommending these movies as a joke,

[1:13:17] and I think you're stupid.

[1:13:18] I think you're recommending them for real,

[1:13:20] but you're not like, these are the best movies,

[1:13:22] or I don't know, maybe you are.

[1:13:24] But, like, I want to say a movie like Teen Wolf,

[1:13:27] which I think is totally dumb,

[1:13:29] but as a kid I watched it over and over again.

[1:13:31] Yeah, Teen Wolf's a good pick.

[1:13:32] Mm-hmm.

[1:13:33] But I can't think of two other ones.

[1:13:35] So, okay, so we're...

[1:13:36] I don't know, a movie about a teenage wolf is so amazing

[1:13:38] that it probably counts as three movies.

[1:13:40] Who surfs on a van, let's never forget.

[1:13:42] So we're in Teen Wolf, okay?

[1:13:43] I'm not one of the characters.

[1:13:44] Maybe I'm Boof, who gives a shit?

[1:13:46] You're clearly Stiles.

[1:13:47] One of you guys is Stiles,

[1:13:48] and one of you guys is Teen Wolf.

[1:13:49] I can't be Stiles.

[1:13:50] Who's gonna be which?

[1:13:52] I think Dan would be Teen Wolf.

[1:13:54] I think he'd be Stiles, Elliot.

[1:13:55] I could see it going either way.

[1:13:57] Elliot is Stiles?

[1:13:58] You wanna be Stiles?

[1:13:59] Stiles, one, never has sex, two, is not a werewolf.

[1:14:03] That's true.

[1:14:04] You wanna be the Teen Wolf,

[1:14:04] but I can see it going either way.

[1:14:06] Yeah.

[1:14:07] Because both me and Michael J. Fox

[1:14:08] have no business being on a basketball team,

[1:14:10] since we're both about three foot six.

[1:14:12] I think we should go get a van, rent a van, okay?

[1:14:15] One of you guys has good credit, right?

[1:14:16] It's the only right way to test this, yeah.

[1:14:17] So let's rent a van,

[1:14:18] and you guys both have to surf on top of it.

[1:14:20] Sure, and then we both have to walk around

[1:14:21] with a shirt on that says,

[1:14:22] what are you looking at, dick knows.

[1:14:24] Okay.

[1:14:25] See who wears it better.

[1:14:26] And then, yeah, I'll interview people on the street

[1:14:27] as to who looked more comfortable in both roles.

[1:14:29] We'll put it in us weekly.

[1:14:31] Okay, yep.

[1:14:32] We have to go into-

[1:14:34] Both of us weekly?

[1:14:35] Into a liquor store and try to con them

[1:14:38] into selling us a keg of beer.

[1:14:39] We'll see who's successful and who's not successful.

[1:14:42] Okay, so these are pretty clear criteria.

[1:14:44] Yeah, I mean, it's pretty easy to decide

[1:14:45] who's a Stiles and who's a-

[1:14:46] Okay, let's wrap this podcast up

[1:14:47] so we can do this.

[1:14:48] Who is a total geek loser

[1:14:50] who, when he enters a party situation,

[1:14:52] becomes the king ringmaster that everybody listens to?

[1:14:55] Because that's Stiles.

[1:14:56] Yeah.

[1:14:57] And which one of us is a quiet guy

[1:14:58] who becomes a werewolf who's in a Civil War play?

[1:15:00] Because that's the Teen Wolf.

[1:15:03] Yeah, it's a tough one.

[1:15:04] I feel like they both have their advantages

[1:15:05] and disadvantages, Zach.

[1:15:08] I mean, that's why it's such a great movie.

[1:15:09] Yeah, well, one of them is not clearly better.

[1:15:11] That's why it's a challenging question.

[1:15:13] It's hard to pick.

[1:15:14] I mean-

[1:15:15] I feel like in an all-male relationship,

[1:15:16] the person has to ask himself,

[1:15:17] in this relationship, am I the Teen Wolf or the Stiles?

[1:15:20] Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

[1:15:21] And it's-

[1:15:22] There's a lot-

[1:15:23] You have to hold up that mirror,

[1:15:23] that wolf-colored mirror.

[1:15:25] We're Stiles-colored mirror.

[1:15:26] Who knows?

[1:15:27] Maybe you're just his dad.

[1:15:28] It's kind of like-

[1:15:29] That's super philosophical.

[1:15:30] An understanding wolf.

[1:15:31] I'm gonna be the dad in this case.

[1:15:32] You'll be the dad?

[1:15:32] Who's kind of like-

[1:15:33] I'm like an older Proud Wolf.

[1:15:35] He's like the poor man's version

[1:15:38] of the dad from Gremlins.

[1:15:39] I mean, I'd be more like the Coors Light Beer Wolf,

[1:15:42] probably, but-

[1:15:43] Who's the actor-

[1:15:44] Who's Francis from Pee-wee's Big Adventure?

[1:15:47] Oh, that's a good question.

[1:15:49] Because he's not-

[1:15:50] Well, he's kind of a non-entity in the movie.

[1:15:51] He's in it, but he's certainly not a Francis-type character.

[1:15:54] We don't have that many characters on our podcast.

[1:15:56] Here's the question I have about Teen Wolf,

[1:15:58] and it's something I've wondered before,

[1:15:59] maybe on the podcast.

[1:16:00] Yeah.

[1:16:01] Maybe Joubid?

[1:16:02] Why does being a wolf make you better at basketball?

[1:16:05] Well, that's clearly-

[1:16:06] It's easy.

[1:16:06] It's a jumping ability.

[1:16:07] Jumping and-

[1:16:08] He's got mad ups.

[1:16:09] He can smell the ball.

[1:16:11] He's using all of his senses.

[1:16:12] He can hear the dribbling.

[1:16:14] But here's the thing.

[1:16:15] You would think that they're playing teams

[1:16:17] from other schools.

[1:16:18] You would think word would eventually get out to the media-

[1:16:21] We've talked about this like a zillion times.

[1:16:22] That there is a werewolf on the team.

[1:16:24] Somebody would-

[1:16:25] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:16:26] The school fucking paper comes up like,

[1:16:28] what are the ethics of using a werewolf in basketball?

[1:16:31] I'm just imagining like-

[1:16:32] I'm just imagining like,

[1:16:33] they just use the local news,

[1:16:35] like just treats it as like a color story.

[1:16:37] Like, a local high school has a bit of a different sort

[1:16:41] of player.

[1:16:43] They thought they were in a hairy situation.

[1:16:45] I was going to make hairy situation fun.

[1:16:48] But now they're howling

[1:16:49] all the way to the state championships.

[1:16:54] I'm just saying.

[1:16:55] Local school has a player that wolfs down cheeseburgers.

[1:16:59] His name is Jughead.

[1:17:02] And he's not a player.

[1:17:04] He's just a guy with an inside out hat

[1:17:06] that looks like a crown.

[1:17:07] A guy who wears a crown around.

[1:17:09] He's just a guy who has the same face,

[1:17:11] but different hair as one of the teachers, Miss Grundy.

[1:17:14] And also looks exactly like his own girlfriend.

[1:17:17] He's just a guy who owns a dog

[1:17:19] with a time-traveling dog house.

[1:17:21] Look it up, it happens.

[1:17:25] He's just a guy who thinks girls are gross,

[1:17:27] but burgers are great.

[1:17:29] Film at 11.

[1:17:30] Why are you bringing this film of teenagers eating?

[1:17:33] We're not going to run this.

[1:17:34] Why did you cut a promo for it already?

[1:17:37] So did he earn that crown?

[1:17:43] Was it given to him?

[1:17:44] It's just a hat turned inside out.

[1:17:45] Wait a minute, what?

[1:17:47] Like Leo Gorsy used to wear in the Bowery Boys movies.

[1:17:52] So you just think,

[1:17:53] the teams are always surprised they're playing a wolf.

[1:17:55] You think one of the coaches would tip off another coach,

[1:17:58] hey, one thing you should know,

[1:18:00] there's a wolf on their team,

[1:18:01] so I don't know, put silver on the ball

[1:18:03] so he can't touch it.

[1:18:04] Sure.

[1:18:06] Cover it in that popular wolf spay and energy drink.

[1:18:12] I'm just saying like, if they throw the ball to him,

[1:18:15] somebody should just beat him to death

[1:18:16] with a silver-headed cane.

[1:18:18] It's the only way you're going to win this game.

[1:18:20] Or what if the other team started hoarding other monsters

[1:18:23] so the school shows up with a trash can on their team?

[1:18:28] Like we got a mummy, he's slow as shit,

[1:18:29] but he's super tough.

[1:18:31] He's super tall.

[1:18:31] He doesn't get tired at all.

[1:18:32] I don't know why his monster is super tall.

[1:18:34] Yeah, he's not super coordinated,

[1:18:36] but that's the thing, he's just on defense.

[1:18:39] Dracula can turn into a mist.

[1:18:40] Do you think that won't help him dunk?

[1:18:42] Creature from the Black Lagoon

[1:18:44] can lick up everybody's sweat or something.

[1:18:46] All right, you don't know.

[1:18:47] I don't think you understand what that monster does.

[1:18:50] What about, do we want to play-

[1:18:51] I mean, the Invisible Man would be very useful.

[1:18:53] He'd be fantastic,

[1:18:54] but you'd never know if he was traveling or not.

[1:18:56] Yeah, you wouldn't know whether he's open,

[1:18:57] you wouldn't know anything.

[1:18:58] That's one of his advantages.

[1:18:59] It's not like the ref's going to call it.

[1:19:01] That's true.

[1:19:02] I feel like that pass is just really slow.

[1:19:04] Invisible Man is just pretending to be the wind

[1:19:08] moving the ball.

[1:19:09] Yep, and then the referee rubs his eyes

[1:19:12] and he goes, ee-er, ee-er,

[1:19:13] and where he looks at it-

[1:19:14] Pulls out a flask.

[1:19:15] Pulls out a flask.

[1:19:15] And never again.

[1:19:16] Never again.

[1:19:17] He throws it.

[1:19:18] You shouldn't have been drinking

[1:19:19] during the game anyway, Mr. Ref.

[1:19:21] He throws it.

[1:19:22] I'll allow it,

[1:19:22] but you can't allow him to be drinking.

[1:19:25] Glug, glug, glug.

[1:19:26] You're not a judge.

[1:19:27] Man.

[1:19:30] There's a team as a Godzilla.

[1:19:33] Godzilla would be amazing.

[1:19:34] He just gets the ball once,

[1:19:35] drops it in the net.

[1:19:36] And then roasts everybody with a blast of flame

[1:19:39] from his mouth.

[1:19:40] Atomic breath, yeah.

[1:19:41] Now, what monsters would be bad?

[1:19:42] Clearly the Metaluna Mutant from This Island Earth

[1:19:44] because his hands are just kind of like clamps.

[1:19:46] The blob would not be good.

[1:19:46] It would just absorb the ball.

[1:19:48] Yeah, that would be terrible.

[1:19:49] And then no one could get it.

[1:19:50] Yeah.

[1:19:50] Those are bad monsters.

[1:19:51] The fly, again, not good.

[1:19:53] He's only got one human hand.

[1:19:54] Can fly, though.

[1:19:56] Can he fly?

[1:19:57] He's got a big fly head.

[1:20:00] We'll fly can stick to walls, I guess, but it's also, you know, deep down there's a Jeff Goldblum down there.

[1:20:06] Eventually, the thing is, he's like dribbling the ball.

[1:20:09] Then he pulls one of his own teeth out and throws it away.

[1:20:11] You know, it's attacked.

[1:20:13] You don't need that anymore.

[1:20:16] So I think we figured out that one.

[1:20:20] Yeah.

[1:20:20] So thank you for that question that turned into another thing and in such a way that I don't even remember what we were first asked about.

[1:20:28] I feel like we could easily do a podcast just about Teen Wolf.

[1:20:30] Not even like I thought you meant about like monsters, various sports ability to we haven't even gotten into baseball yet.

[1:20:36] Yeah.

[1:20:38] So thanks for everyone who wrote in and again.

[1:20:41] Thanks for everyone who sent us things and and remember those plugs.

[1:20:46] Those were fun, too.

[1:20:47] Yeah.

[1:20:48] Why not?

[1:20:49] But now we're done.

[1:20:50] No, we got to do our last year.

[1:20:52] Recommend stuff.

[1:20:52] Recommend movies that we saw that we actually liked.

[1:20:55] I'll go first and I'll try to get fast.

[1:20:58] I saw a movie that was not a little movie.

[1:21:01] It was a big blockbuster movie and I saw it yesterday and it was called Spectre.

[1:21:06] It was the most recent.

[1:21:07] Oh, the movie about the Spectre DC character.

[1:21:09] Yeah, he's a ghost police detective or something.

[1:21:13] Ghost cop.

[1:21:13] Yeah, most recent James Bond movie.

[1:21:16] Probably the last Daniel Craig movie.

[1:21:18] Unless he dead.

[1:21:20] They back up.

[1:21:21] But hello.

[1:21:21] Hello.

[1:21:21] It's me.

[1:21:22] I'm dead.

[1:21:22] Daniel Craig.

[1:21:23] Did Daniel Craig retire from filmmaking?

[1:21:25] Why is he not making any more movies?

[1:21:25] He just doesn't want to make more James Bond movies.

[1:21:28] Oh, the last Daniel Craig James Bond movie.

[1:21:31] That's right.

[1:21:32] Looks like someone needs to be clear with his language.

[1:21:34] Dan, I have an essay for you.

[1:21:35] It's called the English politics.

[1:21:37] I think I might have been in the process of getting to that when I was being interrupted, but I don't know.

[1:21:45] Here's the thing.

[1:21:47] I feel like Skyfall was a little overrated and then this movie.

[1:21:51] Whoa, hotcake.

[1:21:53] You mean you didn't love him turning out to be Batman?

[1:21:56] Yeah, like that.

[1:21:57] I feel like Batman in a kind of home alone type scenario.

[1:22:00] I feel like that movie.

[1:22:03] That movie started out really good.

[1:22:05] Silly point of it.

[1:22:05] Turned out well and then got like a weird mix of like super dour and super goofy.

[1:22:10] Up to the moment.

[1:22:11] He calls in the radio to come get Javier Bardem on Smuggler's Island.

[1:22:15] Yeah, it's a great movie.

[1:22:16] Yeah, and everything after that point is like descends over time.

[1:22:20] Yeah, and Spectre has a little bit of that problem too.

[1:22:23] Like at the very end of the movie, it gets super goofy.

[1:22:25] And there's one of those old 60s comedies where everybody's chasing each other on little buggies.

[1:22:30] It turns into the original version of Casino Royale.

[1:22:34] David Niven and Woody Allen come out.

[1:22:36] Woody Allen's just hiccuping all over the place.

[1:22:38] No, like it has the problem that a lot of modern action movies do where they think like everything has to get super personal.

[1:22:45] There should be a super personal reason behind everything to a ridiculous degree.

[1:22:49] And I won't get into spoilers, but suffice it to say it's stupid.

[1:22:53] But I enjoyed Spectre more overall than I enjoyed Skyfall.

[1:22:58] I feel like it balanced the tones of a James Bond movie better than anything since Casino Royale.

[1:23:05] Like it was the new version of James Bond, but it was still like retro and silly and fun.

[1:23:11] Was it like Moonraker?

[1:23:12] It was not like Moonraker.

[1:23:13] No, that's too bad.

[1:23:14] But it was very exciting and it had a lot of really great action sequences.

[1:23:21] It's got the Balooch in it, too.

[1:23:23] It's got the Balooch.

[1:23:25] Monica Balooch, or the Balooch as her fans call him.

[1:23:28] I thought that was Jim Balooch.

[1:23:30] That's the Balooch.

[1:23:31] And it's got maybe the most intense scene of let's strap James Bond to a thing and have it slowly attack him.

[1:23:42] Since Goldfinger.

[1:23:44] That sounds great.

[1:23:45] That's a long time since.

[1:23:47] I enjoyed it.

[1:23:48] Is it also crotch related like in Goldfinger?

[1:23:51] It's mental crotch.

[1:23:54] Okay, I guess the mind is the largest erogenous zone.

[1:23:57] Yeah, that makes sense.

[1:23:59] So I enjoyed that movie, Spectre.

[1:24:00] I'm going to recommend two movies.

[1:24:01] One old, one new.

[1:24:02] One of them is related to the movie we watched today, kind of, in that it's about parents and teens.

[1:24:08] And it's a movie that I watched recently called Grandma, starring Lily Tomlin.

[1:24:11] Called Gremlins.

[1:24:12] It's about parents who should not dress up as Santa Claus and try to go down the chimney because they'll get stuck.

[1:24:18] And Lily Tomlin is an old lady who is still mourning the death of her longtime partner.

[1:24:26] And her granddaughter shows up one day and needs money for an abortion because she's pregnant.

[1:24:30] And they go on a kind of like picker-esque travelogue to get the money for it.

[1:24:34] It's a kind of small-scale movie that is, there's a little bit of too much of a touch of the sassy grandma in it.

[1:24:41] But I found it genuinely funny.

[1:24:44] And at the end of, by the end of it, it was more about characters not making stupid decisions.

[1:24:50] But instead like being like, you know what, recognizing their kind of unnecessarily hostile behavior to each other and trying to change.

[1:24:57] And I like that about it.

[1:24:58] So I thought it was a good little movie.

[1:25:00] But this is related to Dan's recommendation.

[1:25:03] A movie I've been putting off watching for a long time and finally did was the classic spy movie, The Ipcris File.

[1:25:08] That's a good one.

[1:25:09] Which I really enjoyed a lot.

[1:25:10] It's very clearly the anti-Bond movie in that it is kind of a dour movie about a guy whose life is not very glamorous as a spy.

[1:25:21] But there's still a lot of really funny parts in it.

[1:25:23] And it managed to be funny without being silly or non-bleak, which I liked about it.

[1:25:28] So grandma for, if you want to watch a new movie, The Ipcris File, if you want an old movie.

[1:25:34] Okay.

[1:25:35] And now it's my turn.

[1:25:36] I'm Stuart.

[1:25:37] I'm going to recommend a movie from...

[1:25:40] Thanks for rebranding.

[1:25:41] Anyone who's coming now.

[1:25:44] For anybody just tuning in now, I'm Stuart.

[1:25:47] I'm going to recommend a movie.

[1:25:48] This one is, you guys can correct me if I'm wrong, An Osploitation Joint.

[1:25:53] Okay.

[1:25:54] It's a little movie called Razorback.

[1:25:56] Called The Wizard of Oz.

[1:25:57] Now this movie Razorback was sent to me as a Blu-ray disc from listener, I'm going to butcher this name, and I probably said it before, Cal Skuthorpe.

[1:26:09] Sounds right.

[1:26:10] It took me a little while to pop it into my old Blu-ray player because it was a non-American DVD, I think.

[1:26:17] And I was nervous that it wasn't going to play.

[1:26:20] But I popped it in and play it did.

[1:26:22] And boy did I enjoy it.

[1:26:24] And thus ended the quest of the Razorback disc.

[1:26:29] It is about a giant-ass Razorback that is tearing shit up in the outback.

[1:26:35] This old guy starts a quest to try and kill it because this giant Razorback comes and takes away his grandson.

[1:26:43] And then it puts him on trial for doing something to his grandson.

[1:26:48] And so he starts his quest for vengeance to kill all Razorbacks.

[1:26:51] In the middle, there's a couple of goofy, like, wacky, colorful Australian characters who are both like hunters and also just like general weirdo dickheads.

[1:27:03] Some Americans come and try and figure their way around Australia, and they realize that it is a wacky place.

[1:27:10] I totally recommend Razorback.

[1:27:11] Watch that piece.

[1:27:14] Well, thank you, Stewart.

[1:27:16] I did it.

[1:27:17] Thank you.

[1:27:19] I did it.

[1:27:19] You made it happen.

[1:27:20] Thanks.

[1:27:21] So this one we're done.

[1:27:23] We haven't said this much, but I do want to say that, I mean, we are, I want to say a shout out to our network, MaxFun.

[1:27:30] Oh, yeah.

[1:27:31] There's a lot of great shows.

[1:27:33] I've been spending a lot of time listening to all the shows on our network.

[1:27:37] Lately, I've been checking out Stop Podcasting Yourself with Dave and Graham, a couple of Canadian comedians.

[1:27:43] And there's something about the way Graham laughs, this, like, crazy, like, wheezing laugh that is so funny.

[1:27:51] And I can't just, like, I just want to hear him laugh a lot.

[1:27:55] There's something so endearing about it.

[1:27:58] The most recent episode includes a shout out, Elliot, to yourself and myself from Mr. Al Madrigal, who's the guest.

[1:28:07] That's very nice.

[1:28:08] Yeah.

[1:28:08] I haven't listened to you yet.

[1:28:09] I've probably got a shout out, too, right?

[1:28:13] I mean, it would be hard since he's never met you.

[1:28:16] And he actively was trying to replace you on our podcast, yeah.

[1:28:20] So he didn't say anything, like, nice about me?

[1:28:23] I mean, he didn't say anything bad about you.

[1:28:25] I guess nothing bad is the next best thing.

[1:28:28] Yeah.

[1:28:28] He's a great guy.

[1:28:29] It's like Oscar Wilde said, the only thing worse than not being talked about is if someone says something bad about you.

[1:28:35] Oh, he did say that about me.

[1:28:38] Yeah.

[1:28:38] I got wallpaper that says that on it.

[1:28:40] Yeah.

[1:28:41] And he said the wallpaper has to go where I do.

[1:28:43] Yeah.

[1:28:43] And then he killed someone.

[1:28:45] And he put their body in the bed and said, Oscar Wilde's dead.

[1:28:48] And he ran off.

[1:28:49] His debts were clear.

[1:28:50] That is a great Oscar Wilde movie.

[1:28:53] Much more sodomy for me.

[1:28:57] He jumped off a cliff and his parachute opened up and it was a big image of the Union Jack with someone committing sodomy on him.

[1:29:03] With an anus in the middle of it.

[1:29:09] Important to me, Ernest.

[1:29:12] Oscar Wilde will return in lots of balls.

[1:29:16] Whoa.

[1:29:17] I'm trying to go off Thunderballs.

[1:29:18] I don't know.

[1:29:19] Thunderball.

[1:29:20] Yeah.

[1:29:20] Like a single ball.

[1:29:23] One ball.

[1:29:24] I'm not Cubby Broccoli.

[1:29:25] I didn't title the movie.

[1:29:26] The most erotic part of the man's anatomy.

[1:29:29] The ball.

[1:29:33] I want you to do a coffee table book based on that.

[1:29:36] Yeah.

[1:29:37] Only in a singular.

[1:29:39] It'd be like those Taschen books.

[1:29:40] It's a binary.

[1:29:41] It is uninteresting.

[1:29:42] Testicle.

[1:29:45] Sure.

[1:29:46] For some reason, no one ever buys it, but it's in every Barnes and Noble.

[1:29:49] On display, no less.

[1:29:53] Well, he goes into the Strand and they buy it, but they still always have a sticker stuck to the cover with the discount price.

[1:29:58] I mean, I'd see it every time.

[1:30:00] pass to go to the mango section. Oh, we gotta explain this to you again, Stu. And we also have to go divvy up some

[1:30:08] delightful DVDs from Keith Phipps, so we should sign off. Digital video divvies. For The Flop House, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:30:15] Hey, I'm still Stuart Wellington. And when you listen to this, I'll probably still be Elliot Kalin, but call me to check and find out.

[1:30:22] Good night, everyone.

[1:30:31] Get it out of your systems now. No, no, I'm getting it into my system. Doing some jokes. Making a system of jokes. System of a jokes of a

[1:30:39] down. Doing a joke ways that joke. They're gonna make their jokes come true. The Flop House. Rated R. All right. Is praying at the

[1:30:56] church of flop houses. Maximum fun.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported. Hi, I'm Mark and I'm how and

[1:31:09] we're the hosts of We Got This. The show that offers definitive answers to dumb debates that you suggest. Every Wednesday we discuss the

[1:31:16] hot button topics you never knew you cared so much about. Like whether you should put ketchup on a hot dog. What's the best Star Wars

[1:31:23] movie? Whether it's better to be too hot or too cold. Coke or Pepsi? Best Marvel movie. Which is the best religion? I told you we're not

[1:31:30] doing that one. So join us every week on maximum fun.org. And don't worry, everyone. We got this.

Ep. #191 - Men, Women & Children

Chapters

Transcript

Description