Ep. #192 - Chappie

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Chappie.

Elliott Kalan

[0:03] Charles Chappielin, the silent comedian.

[0:07] Robots.

[0:30] Hey everyone, welcome to the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[0:39] I'm Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[0:40] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:42] And I'm Elliot Kalin of the Flophouse.

[0:45] Is hosted by...

[0:46] Us.

[0:47] Stuart.

Dan McCoy

[0:48] Elliot.

[0:49] And Dan.

[0:50] In...

[0:51] The Three Flopsketeers, the Flophouse.

[0:54] That's a colon.

[0:56] What?

[0:57] Did you get it checked out?

[0:58] Because you should get those checked regularly by your doctor.

[1:00] Yeah, the older I get, the more I check out my colons, my semicolons.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04] Now I just imagine you with a hand mirror checking your own colon.

Dan McCoy

[1:08] Yeah, I'm like, hey, looking good.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11] Looking good.

[1:13] Haven't shaved in a while, I guess.

[1:15] Okay.

[1:16] Well, too far.

[1:18] His face.

[1:19] Oh.

[1:20] So this isn't a colonoscopy podcast.

[1:24] This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie, then we talk about it.

[1:26] Thanks for keeping us on track, Stuart.

[1:28] I appreciate that.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30] And Dan, as if we didn't announce it earlier, what movie did we watch this week?

Dan McCoy

[1:34] We watched a movie called Chappy.

[1:38] Chappy.

[1:39] Chap.

Elliott Kalan

[1:40] E.

[1:41] Oh, yeah.

[1:42] It's the sequel to WALL-E.

[1:43] It's WALL-E's friend.

[1:45] Uh-huh.

[1:46] It is about a robot, though.

[1:48] Yeah.

[1:48] Or, as old person would say, robot.

[1:50] A droid.

Dan McCoy

[1:51] An android.

[1:53] Mm-hmm.

[1:53] A synthetic humanoid.

[1:56] Mm-hmm.

[1:57] A people machine.

[1:58] Mm-hmm.

[1:59] Yep.

[1:59] A replicant.

Elliott Kalan

[2:00] A man-a-sizer.

[2:02] A clicker.

[2:03] Yeah.

[2:03] A botsko.

[2:05] A botsko?

[2:06] Yep.

[2:07] That's what they call him.

[2:08] An electro-man.

[2:09] A metal dude.

[2:11] Mm-hmm.

[2:12] Metal dude solid.

[2:13] Yeah.

[2:13] No.

[2:14] That's the lazy version of Metal Gear Solid where he just kind of hangs out.

[2:19] Solid Snake, your mission, finish these Doritos.

Dan McCoy

[2:23] All right.

[2:25] Thanks, big boss.

Elliott Kalan

[2:27] So, this is some kind of can man?

[2:30] Yeah.

[2:31] That's what we're talking about?

Dan McCoy

[2:31] Yeah, he's a man made out of cans.

[2:33] Named Chapo?

Stuart Wellington

[2:34] Yeah.

[2:35] Okay, so why did we watch this movie, guys?

[2:37] Was it a huge success?

Elliott Kalan

[2:39] It was not that.

Stuart Wellington

[2:42] It was not a huge success.

[2:44] It's made by Neil Blomkamp.

[2:45] Who, everybody likes District 9.

[2:48] Everybody does.

[2:49] Yeah.

[2:49] I didn't see-

[2:50] You find a kid on the street and ask him about District 9.

[2:51] Do you like District 9?

Elliott Kalan

[2:53] They're like, shit, yeah, I do.

[2:54] I'm a kid.

[2:57] I'm a kid.

[2:58] I'm a kid.

[2:58] Fuck off, dude.

[3:00] What are you asking me about District 9 for?

[3:03] I'm like, nine years old.

Stuart Wellington

[3:04] District 9 rules.

[3:05] Homework drools.

Elliott Kalan

[3:07] Then he skateboards off.

[3:09] The movie's nine years old.

[3:11] Get out of my way before I use the slingshot in my back pocket.

[3:13] Hand me that Go-Gurt so I can be on my way, dude.

[3:18] Throws a dinosaur-shaped chicken nugget at you.

Dan McCoy

[3:20] I don't have time for regular yogurt.

[3:23] My yogurt has to be on the go.

Elliott Kalan

[3:26] In today's busy work-a-day children's world, you don't have time to sit and eat yogurt.

[3:31] Put it in a tube and then suck it down while you're riding your trike.

Stuart Wellington

[3:35] Squeeze it into your face.

[3:37] Yep.

[3:38] Sometimes life can be a real brat race.

[3:41] Because it's a kid and he's a bratty kid.

[3:43] Oh, I get it.

[3:44] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[3:46] Not a brat race.

[3:47] Oh, yeah.

[3:48] I thought you meant like at the stadium when those big hot dogs bring each other.

Stuart Wellington

[3:53] Yeah, the old stadium.

Elliott Kalan

[3:55] Yeah, there's nothing medieval about it.

[4:00] So, Chappie.

[4:01] Yeah, Neil Blomkamp.

[4:02] Welcome.

[4:03] People like District 9.

[4:04] I didn't see Elysium.

[4:05] I know Stuart is not a fan.

Stuart Wellington

[4:07] I thought it was okay.

[4:08] It had its moments.

[4:10] It had its moments.

[4:10] All the action scenes are shot really awkwardly.

[4:14] It's like a mix of slow-mo and over-stylized stuff.

Dan McCoy

[4:17] It has the worst Jodie Foster performance.

[4:20] If you were wondering.

[4:22] Yeah, if you're ranking them.

[4:25] Yeah.

[4:26] Worse than Nell?

[4:27] Worse than Nell.

[4:28] I would say worse than Nell.

Elliott Kalan

[4:30] Worse than Freaky Friday?

[4:31] Or was it Wacky Wednesday?

Dan McCoy

[4:33] Which of those days did she switch them off?

[4:35] Freaky Tuesday.

Elliott Kalan

[4:37] It was Manic Monday.

Stuart Wellington

[4:39] It was Thirsty Thursday.

[4:42] Well, that's...

[4:44] Apparently her cinemography...

[4:49] Cinemography, yeah.

[4:50] Her cinemography.

[4:52] It's basically a restaurant schedule.

Dan McCoy

[4:55] Thirsty Thursday is where she switches with Hayley Mills so she can drink.

[5:02] It turns out her mom was just an alcoholic.

[5:05] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[5:06] And then there was surprisingly sane Saturday.

[5:08] And of course, Sacred Sunday.

[5:11] Where they switch minds, but it doesn't matter because they're in church all day.

[5:15] Okay, so they're all trapped there?

[5:17] Yeah, yeah.

[5:17] It's just like the end of The Exterminating Angel.

[5:20] Spoiler alert.

[5:21] They don't get out of the church.

[5:23] Okay.

[5:24] So...

[5:25] This is his...

[5:26] Did he make just three movies or has he made other movies?

[5:28] He's making the new Alien movie too, right?

[5:30] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[5:30] So District 9 kind of came out of nowhere.

[5:32] It was like a...

[5:33] I think it was initially pitched as like a Halo test movie or something like that.

[5:39] And everybody kind of went nuts for it because it was like a harsh and gritty take on sci-fi.

[5:46] I don't know if I'd say hard sci-fi.

Elliott Kalan

[5:48] I would not say hard sci-fi.

[5:50] No, not at all.

[5:50] But except that you could say it's hard sci-fi and that is taking a believable situation that the alien refugees land on Earth and spinning out the consequences of that.

[6:01] It's not some kind of super crazy science that could never exist.

Stuart Wellington

[6:06] Are you saying that if I had an electro gun I couldn't just make people explode like giant watermelon bags?

Elliott Kalan

[6:10] Now that is less hard sci-fi.

[6:13] But I think what got people a lot was also the extreme sense of place.

[6:17] Like South Africa was not a place people had thought of as a setting for science fiction.

[6:21] Yeah.

[6:21] And it played off of South Africa's own racial divide and bad race history.

Dan McCoy

[6:27] But also that movie had an interesting sense of tone in that like it was kind of this documentary style where like but but it was a goofy comedy to some degree.

Elliott Kalan

[6:40] Like it was a mix of comedy and things.

[6:42] I mean I don't know if I'd call it goofy.

Dan McCoy

[6:43] A bunch of people dying.

[6:45] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[6:45] But like Schulte Copley's character like turning slowly like he's like this like priggish character turning slowly into an alien.

[6:51] And there was a lot of zany sort of comedy that went on.

[6:55] And kind of turning into a hero.

Stuart Wellington

[6:56] Like a character who was very unlikable to begin with.

Dan McCoy

[6:59] Yeah.

[6:59] And this movie also has I would say a strange mix of tones.

[7:04] A very strange mix of tones.

Stuart Wellington

[7:05] Unsuccessful version of that.

[7:07] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[7:07] It's a science fiction.

[7:07] And I'm not just talking about the music.

Elliott Kalan

[7:09] Oh.

Stuart Wellington

[7:10] Because it's made up of tones.

Elliott Kalan

[7:12] Yeah.

[7:13] As all music is.

[7:14] Music is a series of tones.

[7:15] They're.

[7:16] I think.

Stuart Wellington

[7:17] Tony Tony Tony.

Elliott Kalan

[7:18] Here he decided he said let me go back to my South African roots.

[7:21] I'm going to make another science fiction movie about a problem in South Africa.

[7:24] Which I guess is crime in the police presence.

[7:27] But I'm going to do it.

[7:29] Just rabbit robots.

[7:29] In a.

[7:30] I'm going to talk about the robot problem.

[7:32] Rabbit robots.

[7:33] But.

[7:34] Running rabbits.

[7:35] Rabbit rabbits.

[7:36] Round the rabbit.

[7:38] Rogue robots.

[7:40] Ran round the rocks.

[7:42] The rugged robot rides.

[7:46] Radical.

[7:48] Rated R.

[7:49] For alliteration.

[7:51] Which is against the law.

[7:53] In the future.

[7:54] The year is 2047.

[7:57] And all alliteration has been deemed a thought crime.

Stuart Wellington

[8:02] But.

[8:02] Thursdays are no longer thirsty.

Elliott Kalan

[8:05] But.

[8:06] The good grouping of grammar gang.

[8:09] Has the case.

[8:10] An underground rebel pirate group.

[8:12] Dedicated.

[8:13] To words that start with the same letter.

[8:16] Placed next to each other.

[8:18] Can they survive?

[8:19] No.

[8:20] Must they survive?

[8:21] Yes.

[8:22] Starring Mandy Moore.

[8:25] As Mandy Patinkin.

Dan McCoy

[8:34] I like how this is the least dystopian future ever.

[8:38] So you can't put words that sound sort of like each other next to each other?

[8:43] Mandy the battleship potential thinks you can.

Elliott Kalan

[8:46] It really dooms any Fantastic Four reboots.

[8:49] That's true.

[8:50] I mean they're already doomed.

[8:51] But the.

[8:52] Doctor doomed.

[8:54] Now you're talking.

[8:55] That's another alliteration for you.

[8:56] Yeah.

[8:57] We're all.

[8:57] Look.

[8:58] We're all going to be arrested by the grammar police.

[9:02] So the chat.

[9:05] So this is.

[9:05] It's another South African set movie.

[9:07] And yet here it's decided that it's going to be much harsher in some ways and also attempting

[9:12] to be sweeter in others.

[9:14] And much of the character work is going to be on the shoulders of South African kind of

[9:21] like trash Zef rap group.

[9:26] The Antwoord or whatever it's pronounced.

[9:29] What is Zef?

[9:30] Zef.

[9:31] I only know this because I was looking it up in between watching the movie and reading and

[9:34] recording this.

[9:35] Zef is a cultural movement in South Africa which is an attempt to kind of make a style out of things

[9:42] associated with the white lower middle class.

[9:46] People.

[9:46] The word Zef comes apparently from a breed.

[9:49] It's a short name of a model of car that was very popular among white South Africans who

[9:55] didn't have a lot of money who were better off than black South Africans at the time because

[10:00] apartheid was still in effect during this time which is like the 70s and 80s.

[10:02] But this is a kind of a way to reclaim I guess that feeling of being lower class but being

[10:14] a I mean I don't know all the dynamics.

[10:16] Sure you're not an expert on Zef shit.

[10:18] I am not.

[10:19] When you say Zef to me I say that sounds like somebody's alien sidekick in a cartoon from

[10:24] the 80s in which they take characters from a popular sitcom and put them in space.

[10:28] So like Family Ties the space cartoon like Michael J. Fox's sidekick would be like Zef the talking

[10:36] like party alien who eats pizza all the time.

Stuart Wellington

[10:40] Space pizza with moon dust and I don't know salami on it.

Elliott Kalan

[10:47] Really gave up on the space theme.

[10:49] I don't know it's like Astro salami or something from a meteor.

Stuart Wellington

[10:54] What do you want from me?

Elliott Kalan

[10:55] I don't know it's made out of like it's made out of like Venusian pork.

Stuart Wellington

[11:00] I don't know.

[11:01] Bunch of tribbles.

Elliott Kalan

[11:03] Tribble sausage probably tastes pretty good.

[11:05] Yeah.

[11:05] It wants to get all the hair off.

[11:07] Mm-hmm.

[11:07] When you shave a tribble what's underneath?

[11:09] That's the question.

[11:10] I'm sure somebody can write an email.

[11:12] Is it like just this pink bag of flesh and goo or?

[11:17] You do not.

[11:18] Don't even.

[11:19] I imagine if you shave a tribble it's just a big testicle.

[11:21] Essentially.

Dan McCoy

[11:24] Yeah.

[11:24] That was it was originally called the trouble with testicles.

[11:29] It was less about how they multiplied it more about how you just you just don't want

[11:34] him to get kicked.

Elliott Kalan

[11:36] It was a short episode.

[11:38] A brief Rochambeau craze that hit the Enterprise and all the guys were walking around covering

[11:44] their junk all the time because they were worried about it.

[11:48] And Spock was like it is illogical to hit another man in the testicles.

[11:52] And then he got really into it.

Stuart Wellington

[11:54] And McCoy's like oh you blue blooded you green blooded Vulcan you don't understand.

[11:59] It's hilarious.

Dan McCoy

[12:02] It's a way that we all as men we bond.

Elliott Kalan

[12:05] Of course.

[12:06] We hurt each other.

[12:07] Then Spock entered Ball Far which is the once every seven years period when a Vulcan wants

[12:12] to hit other guys in the nuts.

Dan McCoy

[12:14] It is very volatile.

[12:16] Yeah.

[12:19] So that's maybe.

[12:20] I feel bad.

[12:20] I can't remember what kind of blood a Vulcan has guys.

[12:23] I feel bad.

Stuart Wellington

[12:25] You can look it up.

[12:26] Just pause the podcast.

[12:27] All right.

[12:28] Look it up on Trekopedia.

[12:30] So explain the internet to me.

[12:33] Okay.

[12:33] So you just pause the podcast.

[12:35] You're still not doing that.

[12:36] Okay.

[12:36] Well I'll just keep going.

[12:37] So you pull up your help menu.

[12:40] Okay.

[12:42] And you type in find me Vulcan blood.

[12:47] And then what do you do?

[12:49] And then you go down the color spectrum that they provide you and you pick the one that

[12:53] you think looks most like the color you remember as the color of Vulcan blood.

Dan McCoy

[12:58] It's pretty simple.

[12:59] And then what do you do with that color?

[13:00] If you're asking the question, why do you have to guess?

[13:05] Why do you provide the answer?

Stuart Wellington

[13:06] It's going to provide a somewhat limited spectrum.

[13:10] Like come on.

[13:11] It's not like it's a computer.

[13:12] So this is like the Socratic internet.

Dan McCoy

[13:14] It's like what color do you think Vulcan blood is?

Elliott Kalan

[13:17] So should we talk about this movie?

Stuart Wellington

[13:19] Probably.

[13:19] So let's address.

[13:21] I think there's an elephant in the room.

Elliott Kalan

[13:24] Get it out of here.

[13:25] Wow.

[13:25] It's really taking a big dump.

Stuart Wellington

[13:27] And the elephant's name is Short Circuit and RoboCop.

Elliott Kalan

[13:31] Now, yeah.

[13:32] If ever there was a movie that is a smashing together of Short Circuit and RoboCop with a heavy helping of South African rap, this is that movie.

Stuart Wellington

[13:42] So it begins and we're like, how is this not the remake to RoboCop?

[13:46] Didn't we already watch that?

[13:47] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[13:47] Because so South Africa is facing a huge crime wave.

[13:51] The answer to it?

[13:52] Robot policemen.

[13:54] But these robot policemen don't have their minds of their own.

[13:57] They operate off of human operators who wear neural helmets.

[14:01] Okay.

[14:02] Yeah.

[14:02] I was never.

[14:03] And there's also like a guardian chip that controls them.

[14:06] I was never totally sure of what the control system was for these robots.

[14:10] Partly because they move through it pretty fast at the beginning.

[14:13] Partly because everyone has South African accents.

[14:15] And those are not always easy to understand.

[14:18] Which is why it's weird that the one character in the movie that I felt had a pretty straightforward accent is subtitled.

[14:25] And he's this evil crime boss who looks like Zangief.

[14:27] But we'll get to that.

[14:28] Kinda.

Stuart Wellington

[14:29] He's no.

[14:30] I think you're doing Zangief a disservice.

Elliott Kalan

[14:34] Well, he looks like someone who wants to be Zangief pretty badly.

Stuart Wellington

[14:37] He looks like a professional wrestler character.

Elliott Kalan

[14:40] Yes.

[14:40] Yeah.

[14:41] So they've made these robots called Scouts that look like they have bunny ears and they walk around.

[14:46] They look like the robot from Appleseed.

[14:48] Yeah.

[14:49] Yeah.

[14:49] They've got a very.

[14:49] Looks like a bunny.

Stuart Wellington

[14:50] I mean, I think that's his name means bunny in ancient Greek.

[14:54] Borario.

[14:55] Ghosts or something.

[14:55] You remember way more about Appleseed than I do.

Elliott Kalan

[14:59] I remember.

[14:59] I get it so mixed up with all the other like robot anime manga stories.

[15:05] It's hard for me to separate that from like Ghost in the Shell or.

[15:09] Go on.

[15:11] What's the one?

[15:11] Dominion Tank Police.

[15:13] Armitage.

[15:13] That kind of stuff.

[15:14] Macross.

[15:15] Macross.

[15:16] Come on, Dan.

[15:17] You can play too.

[15:17] Robotech.

[15:18] Dirty Pear.

[15:20] Dirty Pear.

[15:21] That's not a robot series.

[15:22] Goal Goal 13.

[15:23] No, that's not one either.

Stuart Wellington

[15:25] Cowboy Bebop.

[15:26] You know.

[15:27] Good City, et cetera.

Dan McCoy

[15:31] Robitron.

Elliott Kalan

[15:33] At least say like.

[15:33] Kozuro Kami.

[15:34] At least say like Robot Carnival.

Dan McCoy

[15:38] Zoom.

[15:39] Zoom guy.

[15:40] Wow.

[15:40] Dan's trying so hard.

Elliott Kalan

[15:42] This is telling me is Dan did not see any of the three animes that everyone who was like

[15:47] 13 in the 1990s saw.

[15:49] Uh-huh.

[15:49] Which were Akira.

[15:50] Sure.

[15:51] Vampire Hunter D.

[15:52] Okay.

[15:53] And Robot Carnival.

[15:54] Oh, really?

[15:54] Because.

[15:54] No, no Ghost in the Shell.

[15:55] Not Ghost in the Shell.

[15:56] Not Ninja Scroll?

[15:57] This is pre Ghost in the Shell, pre Ninja Scroll.

[16:00] Whoa.

[16:00] There was a time when you either saw Akira because you heard about it and sounded awesome.

[16:05] Mm-hmm.

[16:05] Or you were watching TBS late at night and they would show Vampire Hunter D and Robot

[16:10] Carnival all the time.

[16:11] I don't think I ever saw Robot Carnival.

Stuart Wellington

[16:13] Oh, really?

[16:13] What's the selling point?

[16:14] It's a series of short cartoons about robots.

Dan McCoy

[16:17] Oh, it's not a carnival run by robots?

[16:19] I wish.

[16:20] It's like Big Top.

[16:21] Wrong from town to town.

[16:22] It's like Big Top Pee-wee, but they're robots.

[16:23] It's called Big Bot Pee-wee.

Elliott Kalan

[16:25] Rifting other robots.

[16:25] Yeah, they're the robots nobody trusts.

[16:28] There's the bearded robot, the fat robot, the strongman robot, robot who gets shot out

[16:33] of a cannon.

Stuart Wellington

[16:34] Michael Bay's writing all these ideas down.

Elliott Kalan

[16:35] I guess I'm thinking more of a circus sideshow than a carnival.

Dan McCoy

[16:39] Yeah, I mean, a carnival robot's mostly just like.

[16:41] Tumblers.

[16:41] Hey, shoot your robot oil into these balloons.

Stuart Wellington

[16:47] This is gross.

[16:49] Are you describing a robot condom, Dan?

Elliott Kalan

[16:52] Let's talk about the movie.

[16:53] Let's not go any further into this horrifying Tetsuo body hammer world that we just entered.

[17:00] Horrifying or erotic.

[17:01] I'm going to go with horrifying.

[17:03] There's a very thin line between horrifying and erotic, but I don't want to cross it.

[17:07] So they have these robots.

[17:10] Their creator, Dev Patel.

[17:12] Okay.

[17:13] Was it Dev Patel?

[17:14] Yeah.

[17:14] Who works for Sigourney Weaver.

[17:16] TV's newsroom.

Stuart Wellington

[17:17] He plays N.W.

[17:20] Oozroom.

Elliott Kalan

[17:21] He plays Nathaniel Edward Wilson Stephen Room.

[17:25] Yeah.

[17:26] The third.

[17:27] Mm-hmm.

[17:27] So he works for Sigourney Weaver for a robot company.

[17:31] And at the same time.

Stuart Wellington

[17:32] And for a robot company, they have a really shitty office.

[17:36] It's like the most pedestrian office building.

Elliott Kalan

[17:38] It's very open space in that only Sigourney Weaver has their own office, but that's what tech companies do.

[17:45] It's all about the moments you can't predict where interactions lead to ideas.

[17:51] Welcome to Kalencore.

[17:53] Oh, wow.

[17:54] Kalencore.

Stuart Wellington

[17:55] This is what you've been doing in your free time lately.

Elliott Kalan

[17:57] I've been putting the Kalencore, a 22nd century technology company.

[18:01] Okay.

[18:02] We don't have offices.

[18:03] We don't even have workers.

[18:04] There's just me.

[18:05] Give me money.

[18:08] Together, I'm putting together the technology of the future.

[18:12] And because it's the technology of the future, don't expect it anytime soon.

[18:15] But still, money please.

[18:17] Mail it to Elliot Kalen, care of Kalencore.

[18:20] 123FakeStreet, New York, New York, AnytownUSA.com.

[18:26] Dial 9.

[18:27] Now, Hugh Jackman, on the other hand, has a competing program called Moose, which is one big robo-mech type.

[18:37] Yeah, it's like a Battletech.

[18:38] It's like a big ED-209 Battletech thingamabob that has, as we find out later, a big gun and then also a big cutting arm for chopping people in the house.

[18:49] But he's mad because the scout program is taking away the need for his moose program, which, to be fair, is ill thought out.

[18:56] He's trying to sell it to the South African police, the Johannesburg police, who are very happy with the scout program because it's led to this huge drop in crime, by explaining how it can shoot enemy aircraft out of the sky.

[19:07] Yep.

[19:07] Which seems like not a problem that the police need to deal with.

[19:11] And the policeman, very reasonably, points this out.

[19:13] It does not make Hugh Jackman happy.

[19:15] Now, Hugh Jackman's character is one of the more interesting ones in that he has this collection of character traits that include always walking around with a gun on his hip, even in the office.

[19:23] He's got a hockey haircut.

[19:24] He has an extreme hockey haircut.

[19:25] And he is also surprisingly religious and crosses himself at least once in the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[19:30] And he wears some great shorts.

[19:33] I think he basically went to a couple rugby bars and based his character around people he saw in those bars.

[19:40] Which is totally acceptable.

[19:42] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[19:42] Imagine the worst length of shorts.

[19:46] You know, like the leg length that you would not want on a short, and that's what he has.

Stuart Wellington

[19:52] So wait, you mean they're really short?

[19:54] Oh, they're too long.

[19:55] I'm not sure.

[19:56] Yeah.

[19:56] Are they like adult shorts?

Dan McCoy

[19:58] They like hit.

Stuart Wellington

[19:59] Are they like Kevin Smith short pants?

Dan McCoy

[20:02] Should he be wearing old style knickers instead of socks?

[20:05] I'm just saying they hit exactly at the knee.

[20:07] They're not like above their knee.

[20:09] They're not below the knee.

[20:09] Sounds like the perfect length for shorts.

[20:12] Exactly.

[20:12] Right at the knee.

Stuart Wellington

[20:13] That gives you 50% of the pant that you were hoping for.

[20:16] Yeah.

[20:16] Now, never in this.

Dan McCoy

[20:17] Did you, by the way, I just think, you know.

[20:19] We barely talked about the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[20:21] Can we stop talking about the movie for a second and let's talk about shorts some more?

Dan McCoy

[20:25] I think explaining a hockey haircut, it bears a little.

Elliott Kalan

[20:29] Okay, explain.

[20:30] How is it different than a mullet?

[20:31] Explain.

Dan McCoy

[20:32] It's like a mullet, only it's more slicked down to the head.

Stuart Wellington

[20:35] Yeah, it looks like the sort of thing that would perfectly fit a, like if you were to put

[20:41] on a hockey helmet and then just cut all the extraneous hair and let everything else grow

[20:45] exactly to fit that helmet, that's a hockey haircut.

Dan McCoy

[20:48] And also his hair looks not so much like he's gotten like blonde highlights as like someone

[20:54] maybe just peed on his hair.

[20:57] So that's his hair.

[20:59] It's an acting choice.

[21:01] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[21:02] It's an acting choice that his character is a golden shower fetish.

[21:05] It never comes up in the film, but they tell you, your character should always have a secret

[21:09] that you bring to set and nobody knows but you.

[21:13] And his is the golden shower thing.

[21:14] Anyway, Dev Patel has a new idea for a project.

[21:17] It's a totally fully functioning AI that does not need a human interface to work.

[21:24] He's very close to it.

[21:25] He's working on it in his spare time at night with his butler robot who seems pretty AI-ish.

Stuart Wellington

[21:30] Yeah, I mean it's basically like a crappy robot glued onto a Roomba.

[21:35] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[21:36] And it operates like Pauly's butler robot.

Stuart Wellington

[21:38] And I think we get like one laugh out of it.

[21:42] What would that be?

[21:42] It breaks a bunch of shit and it goes to like sweep it up.

Elliott Kalan

[21:45] It goes mess mess and then goes to sweep it up.

[21:48] But he's working all night.

[21:49] He has one of those computer programs people in movies have, and maybe they do in real life,

[21:53] where you're building a program that's never existed before,

[21:56] but you have another program that tells you when it works at 100% completion.

[22:00] Mm-hmm.

[22:01] Because somehow maybe you can do that in computers, that you can test a thing that has never existed before.

[22:06] But he brings this to Sigourney Weaver and he says,

[22:09] this is a robot that could critique art, that can write poetry.

[22:14] And I see here that he is attempting to use the power of private industry to address a very big need in this world,

[22:21] which is the Jurassic shortage of art critics.

[22:24] There is such a call for more art critics that we need to start building them with machinery.

Dan McCoy

[22:29] Yeah, there are all those people out there unwilling to do the creative jobs.

Stuart Wellington

[22:34] Well, without somebody to interpret the craziness of the art that we see in this movie,

[22:40] that's the hole that he thinks needs to be filled.

[22:42] Because people see these crazy, I don't know, like nuclear silos with graffiti all over them.

[22:46] Oh, the place where the criminals live?

[22:48] And the layman has no idea what they're looking at.

[22:50] They're like, this is some kind of kaleidoscopes of colors that terrifies me.

[22:53] What's going on?

[22:54] Well, let's get to those characters.

Elliott Kalan

[22:56] So these three people, two of whom are part of this rap group,

[23:00] and it's two guys and a girl, no pizza place though.

[23:03] Instead, like you're saying, they live in some kind of abandoned nuclear silo

[23:06] with all this graffiti in the back that reminds me of like the backgrounds of Jeff Darrow panels

[23:12] in like Hard Boiled or like...

[23:15] Kind of.

[23:15] Or like in Big Guy and Rusted Boy Robot,

[23:17] where there'll just be like a bunch of signs and things in the background,

[23:21] and I'm not quite sure what they mean.

Stuart Wellington

[23:21] It's like a four-year-old tried to recreate that.

[23:24] Yeah, okay.

Elliott Kalan

[23:24] There's a certain naiveness to the artwork.

[23:26] It's like a four-year-old said,

[23:27] what would happen if Keith Haring illustrated all of Jeff Darrow's work?

[23:31] I'm going to throw it on a wall.

Stuart Wellington

[23:32] I think two of the characters, the rapsters,

[23:36] sleep on a bed that like is propped up by...

[23:39] Velocirapsters.

[23:41] They sleep on a bed that's propped up with like multicolored building blocks for legs.

Elliott Kalan

[23:46] It's very...

[23:47] It's like...

[23:48] It's a very quirky criminal hideout.

[23:52] Because these are quirky folks.

[23:54] There's graffiti everywhere.

[23:56] They've got slogans like...

[23:57] It's a sort of...

[23:58] You know, fuck the world and stuff all over the place.

Stuart Wellington

[23:59] It's bright and crazy enough that like if the Joker from the 1989 Batman movie...

[24:05] It was 1989 Batman movie.

[24:07] Walked in with his gang, they'd be like,

[24:09] Mmm, this is a little too loud for us.

Elliott Kalan

[24:11] Dial it down, everybody.

[24:12] You're calling too much attention to yourselves.

[24:15] And we literally walked into an art museum and just started painting all over the places.

[24:19] Unfortunately...

[24:20] If only we had a robot to tell us what to do.

[24:22] To tell us if we did a good job or not.

[24:24] But there's this group of criminals who are the gang who couldn't shoot straight.

[24:29] And they screw up a drug delivery somehow.

[24:32] They're like in a car chase.

[24:34] And they just...

[24:35] All the drugs fall over in their van.

[24:37] And so they're ruined.

[24:38] I couldn't...

[24:39] I wasn't quite sure what was happening there.

[24:40] And they piss off this Zangief looking boss.

[24:44] Who is subtitled all the time even though he's speaking English.

[24:47] Mm-hmm.

[24:48] And they...

[24:50] He says you have seven days to get me 20 million whatever the currency in South Africa is.

[24:56] Let's just call it Afro bucks.

[24:58] Mm-hmm.

[24:58] 20 million of those.

[24:59] And...

[25:00] Or I'm gonna kill you.

[25:01] And they're like,

[25:01] Ah, what are we gonna do?

[25:02] They decide they're gonna have a big heist.

[25:06] But in order to have the heist...

Stuart Wellington

[25:07] This is all happening with a lot of shouting.

[25:09] And then all of a sudden robots show up.

[25:11] So it's kind of hard for me to follow what was going on.

Elliott Kalan

[25:13] Oh, that's right.

[25:14] Their meeting is interrupted.

[25:15] They were followed by robot police.

[25:18] There's a big fight.

[25:18] The robot police don't really seem to be that effective.

[25:21] Yeah, they don't arrest any of the principal people.

[25:24] No, they just manage to get beat up a lot.

[25:25] And one of them, number 22, gets blown all to shit.

[25:29] And it turns out that number 22 has had a series of problems.

[25:32] So they're gonna crush him up into little robot cubes.

[25:35] Maybe recycle him.

[25:36] Mm-hmm.

[25:36] Turn him into a bunch of cans.

[25:37] Well, he's just an object, so that's okay.

[25:39] Exactly.

[25:39] He doesn't have a soul until Dev Patel kidnaps this robot, takes him home, and puts his AI program.

Stuart Wellington

[25:48] Well, he's about to do that.

[25:48] Oh, he's about to do that.

[25:49] But then he gets kidnapped.

Elliott Kalan

[25:50] He gets kidnapped.

[25:51] He actually gets kidnapped, like, 45 feet outside of the factory.

[25:54] Yeah, exactly.

[25:55] Here's one of the problems with this movie.

[25:57] This is the factory where all of the police robots are being built.

[26:01] And they have this elaborate control system that makes only the company can put software into the robots.

[26:07] And that has to be protected.

Stuart Wellington

[26:08] And you get the sense that, though it's a startup, it's incredibly successful up until this point.

Elliott Kalan

[26:13] Oh, yeah.

[26:13] Well, I mean, I think the company is not a startup, but the scout program is a startup.

[26:17] I think it's already an established munitions manufacturer.

[26:22] But anyway, they have this big facility.

[26:24] They're making robots.

[26:27] Robux?

[26:27] Robux.

[26:28] They're making Robux hand over fist.

[26:30] That's money that robots use to pay other robots for things.

[26:33] It's like Xbox books and whatnot.

[26:36] Yeah, exactly.

[26:36] The $1 Roebuck has a picture of their first Prezobot, George Washington Tron.

[26:42] Mm-hmm.

[26:42] Then, of course, there's the $5, which has Abraham Linktron.

[26:46] We should just be stealing Futurama jokes at this point.

[26:49] Yeah, you're probably right.

[26:52] He decides he's going to—so here's the problem.

[26:54] It's this big facility.

[26:55] They're making police robots.

[26:57] There's almost no security in this place.

[26:59] There's not even security cameras.

[27:00] There's not even that many employees.

[27:02] To the point where later in the movie, Hugh Jackman is authorized to use his giant ED-209 mech to blow up a bunch of people.

[27:10] And he's just in a room by himself sitting in his control chair with the lights off.

[27:14] Yeah, yeah.

[27:15] It's like he snuck away.

Stuart Wellington

[27:17] Part of it—and one of the things about District 9 that was interesting is it felt like this was happening in a real world, a lived-in world, and it was populated by people.

[27:27] And this movie has so few actual people in it.

Elliott Kalan

[27:30] Yeah.

[27:30] It also—it's one of those movies that starts off with a fake news report that explains everything that's going on, which I guess District 9 kind of did a little bit.

[27:39] It exactly did.

[27:40] But it starts with—was it starting as like a news movie or like a documentary type thing?

Stuart Wellington

[27:45] It feels like it's a documentary in District 9.

Elliott Kalan

[27:49] And then they give up on that conceit pretty quickly.

[27:52] Kind of, yeah.

[27:53] This—it's like—they literally have Anderson Cooper talking about these robots.

[27:56] Mm-hmm.

[27:56] And the rapper characters call each other by their real names.

[28:02] And they're always wearing shirts with their names and their band's logo on it.

[28:05] And Anderson Cooper—

[28:06] So wait a minute.

Stuart Wellington

[28:07] Are they rappers in this world or are they gangsters?

[28:09] That's what I'm getting at.

Elliott Kalan

[28:11] This movie takes place—

[28:12] Gangster rappers.

[28:13] That's impossible.

[28:14] That doesn't exist, though.

[28:15] A new hybrid.

[28:16] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[28:18] Rappers who—

[28:18] That's right.

[28:19] I grafted the leg of a gangster onto a rapper.

Elliott Kalan

[28:22] And now he wants to keep—he wants to keep all of his samples inside of a violin case when he carries it around.

[28:30] It's crazy.

[28:31] But they—it takes place in the future.

[28:34] Because Anderson Cooper says in 2016 they introduced this program.

[28:36] So are we—is this a world where their rap careers fell apart and they became crazy criminals?

[28:41] Oh, that makes sense.

[28:42] Or is that just the next logical step of evolution from South African rapper is criminal?

[28:48] Mm-hmm.

[28:49] All I'm saying is there's part of me that kind of likes that they're—that they call each other by their real names.

[28:54] There's something—

Stuart Wellington

[28:54] And they wear T-shirts that I guess you can go and buy, probably?

Elliott Kalan

[28:58] Yeah.

[28:58] There's something—it's like when a little bit kind of like—

Stuart Wellington

[29:02] It's like—it's literally like The Wizard where you could go out and buy the power glove after they showed it off in that movie.

[29:09] The Wizard.

[29:09] It's like The Wizard if Mario was a character in the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[29:14] Okay.

[29:14] We're like—and was a real person in real life.

[29:17] Like, it's—

[29:18] Wait a minute.

[29:18] He's not a person in real life?

[29:20] What they're doing is a long—

[29:21] So what would he be—

[29:21] I hate to break it to you.

[29:22] There's no Mario Claus.

Dan McCoy

[29:24] So what would he—like he would like show up and like be a plumber at one of the hotels they stayed at or something?

Elliott Kalan

[29:29] But then he'd have to jump—but then like a big piranha plant would come out of the pipes and be like,

[29:32] What did you kids eat?

[29:33] End of cameo.

[29:35] Then he'd just walk away.

[29:36] And then he'd go back to the camera and go,

[29:37] You got any trouble? Call my brother Luigi.

[29:40] It's a me, Mario.

[29:41] And then he'd walk away.

[29:42] It's like—it's kind of a little bit like Neil Patrick Harris's appearance in the Harold and Kumar movies

[29:49] where he's playing like a crazy version of himself.

[29:52] Like this is them playing a crazy version of themselves, but they already seem pretty crazy.

[29:56] But anyway, that's—

Stuart Wellington

[29:57] I don't have any context to put it in.

[29:58] This could be like the normal version of themselves.

Elliott Kalan

[30:01] I mean, having seen some of their music videos, they're pretty weird and crazy.

Stuart Wellington

[30:04] Like—

[30:05] Music videos usually tell you an accurate portrayal of what the artist is like.

Elliott Kalan

[30:10] That's the promise an artist makes when they put themselves on camera, is that this is an accurate rendition.

Stuart Wellington

[30:15] I mean, I can only assume that Motley Crue, like in the Girls, Girls, Girls video, are constantly going to strip clubs and just taking ladies home.

Elliott Kalan

[30:22] And Peter Gabriel is a stop-motion animation.

[30:24] It's weird.

[30:25] Just like in Sledgehammer.

Dan McCoy

[30:26] It is so weird that that is exactly what I was going to go to.

[30:30] Because it's the—

[30:31] Peter Gabriel, why were we both going to go to that?

Elliott Kalan

[30:33] I mean, when I think music videos, it's kind of sad that Sledgehammer is probably the first video, I think, of every time.

[30:38] Yeah, it's that one.

Stuart Wellington

[30:38] Red Hot Chili Peppers probably live under a bridge somewhere.

Elliott Kalan

[30:42] I was thinking of this—

[30:42] Nicki Minaj lives in the forest with her other big-budded associates.

[30:47] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[30:47] I was trying to think about the Tom Petty—

Elliott Kalan

[30:49] And Michael Jackson has cat's eyes.

[30:51] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[30:51] I was thinking about the Tom Petty Don't Come Around Here No More video.

[30:54] Where he's the Mad Hatter.

[30:55] Yeah, but I was like, oh, yeah, and Tom Petty's made the cake.

[30:59] And then I was like, no, that's Alice in that.

[31:00] Yeah, that's a good catch.

[31:02] Good catch.

[31:03] And all the members—

Stuart Wellington

[31:04] And it totally rains and fucks up Axl Rose's wedding day.

Elliott Kalan

[31:07] Oh, yeah.

[31:08] The members of Genesis are spitting image puppets.

Dan McCoy

[31:10] Mm-hmm.

[31:11] I mean, like, the rain doesn't seem to fuck up Axl Rose's wedding day so much as someone—

Stuart Wellington

[31:15] The death of his fiancée.

[31:16] Well, there's that.

[31:17] I thought she died from the rain.

[31:19] Did she get trampled?

[31:20] She—much like—

[31:20] But also someone just, like, jumps into the cake.

[31:24] Yeah, that one dude is like, I've been waiting to do this all day.

[31:27] It's raining.

[31:28] I better jump into the cake.

[31:30] He's like, I gotta get out of the rain.

Elliott Kalan

[31:32] This cake will protect me.

[31:34] Or is he feeling like—

[31:34] Oh, no, someone left the cake out in the rain.

[31:36] The only—

[31:36] So is that what MacArthur Park is about?

[31:39] That's what it's about.

[31:39] He's about the making of the video for November Rain?

[31:41] Yeah, that's right.

Dan McCoy

[31:42] He went back in time.

[31:44] It's a time travel.

[31:45] He's not stuck in time.

[31:46] Wow.

[31:47] He's trying to warn us about November Rain.

[31:48] He's trying to warn us that there's going to be an eight-minute music video in the future.

[31:54] Is that your problem with it, the length?

[31:56] What the fuck, dude?

Stuart Wellington

[31:57] There's two guitar solos in it.

Dan McCoy

[31:59] I remember when that was on MTV.

[32:03] It was like, okay, we're going to play Jeremy, and then we're going to play November Rain,

[32:07] and then so much time has passed that we're going to play Jeremy.

[32:10] See, I remember Jeremy as being a later song than November Rain.

Stuart Wellington

[32:12] No, it was that, those two, and under the bridge, and for a while it was, what, one by U2?

Dan McCoy

[32:19] Yeah, well, that was a little earlier.

[32:21] I don't remember that video at all.

[32:22] Well, there were multiple versions of it.

[32:24] Mm-hmm.

[32:24] There's the one with the buffalo.

[32:25] Not just one.

Elliott Kalan

[32:28] Ironic.

[32:29] Movie, please.

[32:30] Anyway, so, Dev Patel's going to try to bring this robot home.

[32:34] He fails to do it because he gets kidnapped because they—

[32:37] They have a robot in the family.

[32:39] Oh, what a terrible movie that is.

[32:41] Our listeners might not be familiar with the movie Robot in the Family, starring Joe Pantoliano,

[32:45] and what's his name from, you know, Gimli.

[32:49] John Rhys.

[32:50] John Rhys Davies.

[32:52] John Rhys Davies.

[32:53] And it's a featuring—

[32:55] The funny thing was, I was trying to say Jonathan Rhys-Meyers.

[32:57] It's a joke, and I fucked it up.

[32:59] I was about to say that, and I knew it was wrong, so.

[33:02] Because he's TV's Dracula.

[33:04] Match point.

[33:05] He's TV's match point.

[33:09] That is a movie that, if you ever see it, it has the most irritating robot in film history.

[33:13] Match point?

[33:13] No, yes.

[33:15] That movie could have used a robot, though.

[33:17] Yeah, for sure.

Dan McCoy

[33:18] Even more irritating than a robot and a rotor?

Elliott Kalan

[33:20] The robot and a rotor is a delight.

[33:22] I love the robot and a rotor.

[33:24] Not the main robot, the evil police robot.

[33:27] We're talking about the janitor.

[33:27] I mean, the robot janitor.

[33:28] They're like, where's the rotor program?

[33:30] And he's like, oh, gee, I don't know.

[33:33] Gosh.

[33:34] And I've said it before, and I'll say it again.

[33:36] What's great about the robot in the movie Rotor is, it feels like they had a part for

[33:41] like a dopey janitor, and a robot showed up at the audition and won the part.

[33:46] It is the least robotic robot that you can imagine.

[33:50] He's, oh, I don't know.

[33:51] I'll look into it.

[33:52] Like, he's such an incompetent robot, much like Chappie, getting back to it.

[33:57] The gangsters decide if they have their own-

[33:59] Oh, we haven't even gotten to Chappie yet.

[34:01] Well, there's the thing about this movie.

[34:03] It takes a long time to set things up, and then suddenly it'll just burst forward to the

[34:07] next plot point very quickly.

[34:09] So the gangsters want their own robot, because they feel like they can use it to pull off a

[34:14] big heist to pay off this gangster, and they kidnap the scientist who made the robot,

[34:19] Dead Patel, so they can give him-

Stuart Wellington

[34:21] I thought they were trying to shut down all the robots so they could do their heist.

Elliott Kalan

[34:25] Well, at first they theorized that there must be some remote control that turns off all

[34:30] the robots, since TVs have remote controls, and they're machines too.

[34:34] Once they see he has the robot, though, they're like, make him work for us.

[34:38] He inputs the AI into it, and Chappie, as they name him, I don't remember why, has to learn

[34:44] how to be a living thing and learn speaking.

[34:46] And so he starts off skittish as a newborn doe, and then slowly becomes part of their family

[34:52] in that he literally calls the woman in the gang mommy, and calls the crazy shirtless asshole

[34:57] who's always causing trouble daddy, and calls Dev Patel his creator?

[35:01] Maker.

Stuart Wellington

[35:02] Or maker.

[35:03] The point is, why does he associate that guy as being his daddy?

[35:07] Because even though those two people are, I guess, a couple in real life, IRL, they don't

[35:15] at any point show, other than like later on-

[35:17] They share a bed at once.

[35:18] Yeah, but at no point do they show affection.

[35:21] No.

[35:22] There's occasional remorse.

Dan McCoy

[35:23] You wanted to see hardcore fucking.

Stuart Wellington

[35:26] I wanted to see some hardcore fucking.

[35:28] I wanted to see two people with a weird-

[35:29] You're like, where's the penetration?

[35:30] Two weird haircuts.

Dan McCoy

[35:31] The two weirdest people in the world having sex.

Stuart Wellington

[35:33] How do we know that they're a couple if we don't see any penetration?

[35:37] Yep.

[35:38] Gaspar Noe?

[35:40] Noe.

Stuart Wellington

[35:40] This was your big problem with Mad About You, too, wasn't it?

Elliott Kalan

[35:42] I just don't believe Paul Reiser and Helena is a couple, because I've never seen them penetrate.

Stuart Wellington

[35:46] They can't be mad about each other, because I haven't seen their faces in coitus.

Elliott Kalan

[35:50] You need to see a penis inserted into a vagina.

Stuart Wellington

[35:54] I mean, that's the definition of love, right?

Elliott Kalan

[35:57] Dan, you need to see a psychiatrist.

[35:59] But maybe like seven psychiatrists, each crazier than the last.

[36:03] What a movie name.

[36:04] I call it Goofy Psychiatrist Island.

[36:09] Also, Snow White and the Seven Psychiatrists.

[36:11] Now, they-

[36:12] So they take control-

[36:13] For some reason, the scientist puts up very little fight that they're just gonna own Chappie

[36:18] and take care of him.

Stuart Wellington

[36:19] Yeah, at first they have a gun on him, and then after a little while they're like,

[36:23] okay, I guess you can go.

Elliott Kalan

[36:24] You can just come and go as you please.

[36:26] And it does lead to later on, he gets into a fight with the guy, and the scientist refers

[36:30] to him as a shitty person, which I liked as an insult.

[36:33] Like, that was fine.

[36:34] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[36:35] Chappie is your basic innocent robot.

[36:38] He's like your E.T. short circuit.

[36:41] I mean, E.T.'s not a robot, but you get it.

[36:42] That kind of character.

[36:43] He's a Johnny Five all over the place.

[36:45] Except that he picks up a South African accent and picks up kind of like gangster speak.

[36:51] And wants to be cool.

[36:53] He never raps, unfortunately.

[36:55] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[36:56] Because I would have loved-

[36:57] There's a granny in the movie that raps.

[36:59] I mean, come on.

[37:00] I don't think there is.

Dan McCoy

[37:01] He is a robot with hip-hop attitude.

[37:03] Oh, he's-

[37:04] He's a hip-hobot.

Elliott Kalan

[37:07] I think you want to workshop that phrase a little bit more.

[37:12] It sounds like that is either a very hip hobo robot, or like-

[37:18] Hippity-hobot.

[37:19] Chappie the robot.

[37:21] Yeah.

[37:22] Perfect.

[37:22] I mean, it's not-

[37:23] Doing a rap.

[37:23] It is not-

[37:24] Taking no crap.

[37:25] It's not an achievement to rhyme robot with hobot, since hobot is a portmanteau, which includes

[37:30] part of the word robot.

Stuart Wellington

[37:33] It incorporates hobo and robot.

[37:35] Batman's villain, the penguin, with his army of penguins.

Elliott Kalan

[37:37] Again, not a good rhyme.

Stuart Wellington

[37:40] Who's rapping about Batman?

Elliott Kalan

[37:43] Like every-

[37:44] Like Seal.

[37:45] Every Batman-

[37:46] He's rapping now?

[37:49] Okay, he's technically not rapping.

[37:52] Is from a Rose rap song?

[37:55] I will say, the other day, I-

[37:57] For some reason-

[37:58] For some reason, I-

[37:59] I started singing Kiss from a Rose to Sammy, and I was like, I remember a shitload of

[38:04] lyrics from this song that I haven't heard since I was a kid.

[38:09] But there was one summer at summer camp where they-

[38:12] For some reason, that song was always playing, so-

Stuart Wellington

[38:14] Because it's super romantic.

Elliott Kalan

[38:17] But why?

[38:18] The weird thing was, the songs I associate with summer camp are that, Regulators, by Nate Dogg and Warren G, and Sweating Bullets from Megadeth.

[38:27] Like, those are the three songs I remember hearing a lot at summer camp.

[38:30] But anyway, besides, we're getting off track.

[38:34] Chappie starts picking up all these mannerisms.

[38:37] They want to teach him how to help him on their heist, but they kind of have to trick him into doing it by making him think it's the right thing, because Chappie promised his creator he wouldn't be involved in any crimes.

[38:47] Meanwhile-

[38:48] What's a promise?

[38:49] He says, Dev Patel says-

[38:52] I don't know, but you have a ring for it.

[38:53] I need you to promise something to me.

[38:55] And Chappie says, what is a promise?

[38:57] And Dev Patel goes, it's, you have to promise me that you never commit crimes, and that means you can't, you know, and you can never break that promise.

[39:06] And Chappie's like, got it.

[39:08] Like, that did not explain what a promise was.

[39:10] That does compute.

[39:10] Like, just use a cinnamon, call it a vow.

[39:13] Use a cinnamon.

[39:15] Just use cinnamon to get it across.

Dan McCoy

[39:17] Yeah, if you don't have that, use some nutmeg or allspice.

Elliott Kalan

[39:21] Put all the cinnamon in your mouth and try to hold on to it.

[39:23] Okay, now I promise you we won't have to do that again.

Dan McCoy

[39:28] Chappie would probably be pretty good at a cinnamon challenge since he's a robot.

Stuart Wellington

[39:31] But he has no mouth.

[39:32] Yeah, he doesn't have a mouth.

[39:33] He would just gum up his gears.

[39:34] Now, Hugh Jackman-

[39:35] Gumming up gears.

[39:36] That could have been the name of this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[39:38] Hugh Jackman has been watching all this or trying to figure it out.

[39:42] He's mad that all the funding's been taken from his moose project.

Stuart Wellington

[39:45] So what you're saying is that he sneaks up and watches Chappie paint a picture.

Elliott Kalan

[39:49] Yeah, that's exactly what I'm saying.

[39:51] He sneaks up and watches Chappie paint a car.

Dan McCoy

[39:52] And he looks up, he has this look on his face like, what the fuck?

[39:56] A painting robot?

[39:57] What the fuck?

Elliott Kalan

[39:58] He might as well have rubbed his eyes and gone, ee-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e.

Stuart Wellington

[40:02] Huh?

[40:03] Dumped out his liquor bottle?

Elliott Kalan

[40:04] Never again.

[40:05] And then, so, but the daddy in the gang is, Ninja is the name of both the character and

[40:13] the actor, is irritated with Chappie.

[40:15] So he says, I'm going to toughen this Chappie guy up.

[40:18] He releases Chappie into the wild, into a tough part of town.

[40:21] Chappie is immediately set upon by a gang of toughs and both beaten and set on fire.

[40:26] And Chappie is like the most innocent robot in the world.

[40:29] But everyone, when they see him, they think he's a police robot.

[40:32] So they start hitting him with crowbars and stuff.

[40:34] They throw a Molotov cocktail at him.

[40:35] It's really sad.

[40:36] And like, it's the one, the few times when this movie is successful and making you care

[40:41] for the characters is when Chappie is in such anguish that you would have to have no emotions

[40:47] to not be kind of disgusted by it.

[40:50] Yes.

[40:51] And Chappie is then set upon by Hugh Jackman.

Stuart Wellington

[40:54] But did the movie earn that, Elliot?

[40:56] Not at all.

[40:56] No.

Elliott Kalan

[40:57] It was never, there was never a moment like in, I'm trying to think of a movie where a

[41:03] character is really abused and you feel for them, but there's a sense of either catharsis

[41:08] or redemption or something in it.

[41:10] Like.

[41:11] Breaking the waves.

[41:13] Maybe.

[41:14] Yeah.

[41:14] I mean, breaking the waves is an example where this character, terrible things happen to

[41:17] this character, but you feel like there's a sense of point and grace to it, even though

[41:21] I don't love that movie.

[41:23] But this, in this one, it's just like, da-da-da-da, fun robot movie, whatever.

[41:28] Okay.

[41:28] Now this character is going to be crying on the ground while people throw fire at him.

[41:32] And now Hugh Jackman's going to pull him into a van and cut his arm off while he whines

[41:36] and begs for mercy.

[41:38] Like, that's not fun.

[41:38] I don't like that.

[41:40] It's, it's one of those tone clashes that could work some, if they did it, if they like

[41:45] calibrated it differently, but did not work for me.

Stuart Wellington

[41:48] It seems a little sadistic from the filmmaker.

Elliott Kalan

[41:51] Yes.

[41:52] In a way that is not, like you're saying, is not earned.

[41:56] As opposed to like, at the end of Wally, Wally gets the crap beaten out of him.

[42:00] Like, he basically, he essentially dies.

[42:02] And it's like, oh no.

[42:03] But I wasn't like, this is really making me uncomfortable in how much they're beating

[42:07] on Wally.

[42:08] Like, you know what it is?

[42:09] Is I, I realized.

[42:10] You're like, get him.

[42:11] I'm like, get that damn robot.

Stuart Wellington

[42:13] Piece of shit.

Elliott Kalan

[42:15] Thinks he can love.

[42:16] Thinks he's better than me.

[42:17] Out of his class.

[42:18] He's not better than me.

[42:21] Stupid robot.

[42:22] Can you do this?

[42:23] I'm just peeing all over the TV.

[42:26] Elliot, sit down.

[42:28] No.

[42:28] More penis away.

[42:29] No, no.

[42:30] My family's going to learn about this someday.

[42:34] The, it felt like, it was at that point that I realized the movie, it was like the movie

[42:40] had set me to expect a certain level of anguish.

[42:43] And then the movie just dropped that level down into something much more intense that

[42:48] I was not ready for.

[42:49] And it was not exciting or it was affecting in a bad way.

[42:53] But there, and there's a couple moments like that.

[42:54] So anyway, like, uh, it, and it's not helpful to the fact that Chappie makes his way home

[42:59] and they put, fix his arm almost instantly.

[43:02] But, uh, Hugh Jackman steals the control chip from Chappie.

[43:06] This doesn't seem to really do anything.

[43:07] And I'm not sure how it, what it had to do with anything else.

[43:09] He needed it for the moose, maybe?

Stuart Wellington

[43:11] That's, uh, it's that, it's that chip he used to deactivate all the other scouts.

[43:16] I forgot about that.

[43:17] It's the, like, guard key.

Elliott Kalan

[43:18] So this is when, so now the movie has jumped forward pretty quickly to Chappie is on the

[43:23] run.

[43:24] It takes a very long time of, like, Chappie's going to learn how to use weapons.

[43:28] He's going to learn how to walk like a gangster.

[43:30] Hugh Jackman's going to do, I don't know what.

[43:32] And then suddenly Hugh Jackman goes like, all right.

[43:35] No, he's like, hmm, there has to be bigger crime.

[43:38] The police literally say to, uh, to him earlier on, like, that crime would have to be way

[43:42] worse.

[43:42] It'd have to get way worse.

[43:43] For them to bring in the moose.

[43:45] And so he's like, hmm, I guess I'll make crime worse.

[43:47] So he uses, that's right.

[43:48] He uses that chip to shut down all the scout robots.

Stuart Wellington

[43:51] A chip that, uh, Dev Patel, the maker, left in Chappie's head for apparently no reason.

[43:58] Other than, I mean, cause he didn't need it to exist as a Chappie.

Elliott Kalan

[44:02] We should mention also Chappie has a five day battery.

[44:04] After five days, his battery is going to break and die.

[44:07] So he's going to die.

[44:09] The concept of changing his battery never really comes up.

Dan McCoy

[44:13] Yeah.

[44:13] But also even like, let's remove, like, that only makes sense as a premise for the movie.

[44:21] Yeah.

[44:21] Like, that only makes sense as like a ticking clock for the, for the movie.

[44:25] Like, why would you make any robot in a five day battery?

Stuart Wellington

[44:28] Or like, take out his hard drive and put it into another robot.

[44:31] Yeah.

[44:32] Well, and they said.

Dan McCoy

[44:33] Apparently you can't because he has consciousness.

[44:35] Yeah, Dev Patel's like, yeah, we can't do that because consciousness, we don't know what

[44:40] that is.

[44:40] And like, well, maybe we don't know what that is in humans, but in a robot, we can just

[44:44] transfer all the fucking information.

Elliott Kalan

[44:45] But then also, spoiler alert, both Dev Patel and Chappie get their minds switched to other

[44:50] robots.

[44:50] So it turns out Dev Patel was just wrong.

[44:52] But so Hugh Jackman turns off all the robots, instant crime wave.

[44:57] Then we forget about that.

[44:58] Suddenly, Johannesburg is in chaos.

[45:01] We kind of forget about that because it's time to go back to Chappie.

[45:04] The gangster who wants his money shows up.

[45:06] Dev Patel shows up at the hideout of the rap group.

[45:10] And there's a good, it's a whole lot of stuff's about to go down.

[45:14] And then suddenly Sigourney Weaver is told by Hugh Jackman, there's some Chappie on the

[45:18] loose.

[45:18] He was on TV seeing how...

[45:20] This fucking Chappie guy.

Dan McCoy

[45:22] Public enemy number Chappie is out there.

Elliott Kalan

[45:24] This is a code Chappie.

[45:26] I repeat, code Chappie.

[45:27] A-P-C.

[45:28] That's all points Chappie.

[45:30] Chappie helped the gangsters with a heist.

[45:33] He was caught on TV helping them steal money.

[45:35] And he was just throwing ninja stars into cop's legs.

[45:40] And this was another moment where suddenly it was like, so Chappie is just like, earlier there's

[45:45] a scene where Chappie has been tricked into helping them steal cars.

[45:48] And he's just scaring rich people and stealing their cars.

[45:51] But here he's literally throwing knives into people's bodies.

Stuart Wellington

[45:54] And at least he's throwing knives under the assumption that he's putting people to sleep.

Elliott Kalan

[45:59] Yeah.

[46:00] They told him this helps people sleep.

[46:02] But even the sequence where he's like...

[46:04] Which leads to the question, how dumb is this robot?

Stuart Wellington

[46:09] He's hella stupid.

[46:10] He has access to the internet at this point, right?

[46:12] He can just figure that shit out.

[46:13] No, he doesn't until later.

[46:14] Oh, okay.

[46:15] But the sequence where he's like stealing cars from people, it's because it is so close

[46:22] to the sequence where he's like a little kid being beat up by people.

[46:25] It makes me feel like this little kid is being tricked into hurting people, but it's kind

[46:29] of played for laughs.

Elliott Kalan

[46:31] It's supposed to be a funny scene.

[46:32] But yeah, it comes off as this.

[46:34] This is more abuse of Chappie.

[46:36] Yeah, he's being abused and it's not really funny.

[46:39] So it's.

[46:41] Yeah, it's another scene that makes you uncomfortable.

[46:43] They like, they did a good enough.

[46:45] They did a good job of pushing our buttons in terms of like.

Stuart Wellington

[46:48] That's what, that's what art's all about, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[46:49] And robots.

Stuart Wellington

[46:51] Oh, wait, what?

[46:52] Push their buttons.

[46:53] Oh, okay.

[46:54] And art's also about pushing buttons, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[46:55] And art's about robots.

[46:56] And by that, I mean the artist who paints those sexy robots.

[47:00] Oh.

[47:00] So his name is Art.

Stuart Wellington

[47:02] So what?

[47:03] Soryama?

Elliott Kalan

[47:04] His name is Art Robot.

[47:06] I'm thinking, I think I'm thinking of a different guy.

Stuart Wellington

[47:08] The guy from, who did the penthouse pictures where you'd be flipping through a penthouse

[47:12] and all of a sudden have like a weird Japanese robot having sex?

[47:16] No, that's not the one I'm thinking of.

[47:17] I was going to say, all of a sudden you have a weird erection.

[47:20] It's weird.

[47:20] I'm like, what am I going to do with this?

[47:23] Mom, mom.

[47:24] No.

[47:25] No, young Stuart.

[47:26] Hit it with a rolling pin.

[47:28] I'm like, Ben Kenobi?

Elliott Kalan

[47:32] I'll help you with that, Stuart.

Stuart Wellington

[47:35] Okay, why not?

[47:36] Let me get this droid and oil bath.

Elliott Kalan

[47:38] I'll help you as I helped your father.

Stuart Wellington

[47:41] Ben Kenobi's just an old perv who lives in a cave.

Dan McCoy

[47:44] Sure.

[47:46] That's why.

[47:48] That's why Anakin turned to the dark side.

[47:52] I mean, it's...

[47:53] Sad.

Dan McCoy

[47:53] I don't know if that's the case.

Stuart Wellington

[47:54] Sad stuff.

[47:55] If anything...

[47:57] I mean, it's because he had the high ground, right?

[48:00] Yeah.

[48:00] So he cut his legs off.

[48:03] I mean, I'd go evil if some dude just chopped my legs off, Dan.

[48:06] I mean, he was kind of asking for it.

Elliott Kalan

[48:08] They were in a lightsaber fight.

Stuart Wellington

[48:09] And there was lava all around.

Elliott Kalan

[48:11] There's lava everywhere.

[48:12] Yeah.

[48:13] And I don't mean lava soap.

[48:14] I mean like hot lava.

[48:17] Lava?

[48:17] Oh, hot lava.

[48:18] Well.

[48:19] Not cold lava where you can just walk on it.

Stuart Wellington

[48:20] So of course you're going to try and flip over a guy,

[48:22] and then he cuts his legs off.

[48:24] That shit's bonkers.

[48:26] And he just leaves him to fucking die there.

[48:29] Yeah.

[48:29] You're all roasted.

Dan McCoy

[48:30] Speaking of people getting cut in half,

[48:32] that happened to Chappie.

[48:33] We were all really surprised.

[48:35] So back to Chappie.

Elliott Kalan

[48:36] Chappie's in trouble.

[48:37] Sigourney Weaver gives Hugh Jackman the go permission

[48:40] to use the moose to track Chappie down and destroy him.

[48:42] Because he's on TV making the company look bad,

[48:44] stealing money for rap gangsters.

[48:47] And so they all show up at one place.

[48:49] Dev Patel, the rap gangsters, because it's their house.

[48:52] Chappie and the big Zangief gangster guy.

[48:55] And then the moose comes along, and he's killing everybody.

[48:59] But his first casualty comes from,

[49:02] there's a third member of the gang named America,

[49:05] who he's shooting a gun at this huge mech.

[49:09] Of course it's going to do no good.

[49:10] The mech steps on his body and blood spreading out of his mouth.

[49:13] And then it uses its big crab pincer hand just to cut him in half

[49:16] and pull the top of his body off.

Stuart Wellington

[49:18] And then throw it against the wall, which at this point we're all cracking up.

Elliott Kalan

[49:22] We were like, that was the moment where it felt like the movie hit its pitch.

[49:26] That one moment where a character we've seen through the whole movie has just been murdered,

[49:31] but it was pretty funny and also pretty gruesome.

[49:34] If the movie had been at that level, I feel like this would have been a successful movie.

Dan McCoy

[49:38] I feel like sort of surprised by it too, though,

[49:40] because it did, like the movie up until that point did have that,

[49:43] like slightly grittier short circuit feel.

[49:47] Like it, like...

Elliott Kalan

[49:47] Hold on.

[49:48] Slightly grittier short...

[49:49] You mean grittier than a grittier version of short circuit.

[49:52] Yeah.

[49:52] You don't mean it had the grit of short circuit.

[49:55] It didn't have the kitchen sink realism.

[49:57] Yeah, it was a little bit grittier like that movie short circuit.

Stuart Wellington

[50:00] It was a grittier...

Elliott Kalan

[50:00] It really caught the mean streets of a big city, like that classic film, short circuit 2.

[50:05] But that's my point.

Dan McCoy

[50:06] It was a marginally grittier version of short circuit,

[50:10] and then all of a sudden it got super violent.

Elliott Kalan

[50:12] And like really violent.

[50:14] There's explosions everywhere, and there's a big fight scene.

Stuart Wellington

[50:17] Yeah.

[50:17] Well, that's something that District 9 did kind of well,

[50:19] is when they had violence happen,

[50:23] it was like horrible and super shocking,

[50:25] like a lightning bolt hitting dudes,

[50:26] and them just exploding like bags of blood.

[50:28] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[50:29] And even in District 9, I had an issue at the end

[50:32] where he goes into berserker mode

[50:33] and starts just like killing people.

[50:36] But they're bad guys.

[50:38] They're bad guys, but it's still...

[50:39] Anyway, we won't have to do that.

[50:40] But a bunch of people get killed.

[50:44] Short circuit's mommy gets shot and killed.

[50:48] Dev Patel gets shot and he's bleeding out.

[50:50] Ninja, who has established himself as a major league asshole,

[50:55] gets shot through the leg but is fine.

[50:58] And so like the least likable member of the group

[51:00] is the one who continues and survives.

[51:02] Chappie fights the ED-209 and blows it up.

[51:06] Hugh Jackman, I guess, diplomatic immunity revoked or whatever.

Dan McCoy

[51:10] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[51:11] And Chappie...

Dan McCoy

[51:11] Let's go Chappie beats the shit out of Hugh Jackman.

Elliott Kalan

[51:14] Chappie and Dev Patel go back to the factory

[51:16] because Chappie is going to transfer Dev Patel's mind.

[51:20] Before all this, Chappie has figured out how the internet works

[51:23] and how to transfer consciousnesses using a neuro helmet

[51:26] and a pile of PlayStation 4s.

[51:28] So he's going to transfer...

[51:30] He beats the shit out of Hugh Jackman

[51:32] and calling him a bad man.

Stuart Wellington

[51:34] Once again, in this factory where there's no security.

Elliott Kalan

[51:37] There's no security.

[51:38] A robot just walks in with Dev Patel bleeding.

[51:41] Hugh Jackman sees them and is like,

[51:42] whoa, you guys stop.

[51:44] And the robot just beats them up in front of a cube farm.

[51:46] I just mean cubicles.

[51:48] And just destroying the office.

[51:50] No security ever appears at any moment.

[51:52] Later, he takes Dev Patel to the place where the neuro helmet is.

[51:57] And now the security shows up.

[51:59] But Chappie's already locked the door.

[52:01] He transfers Dev Patel's mind to a robot body.

[52:04] And then Dev Patel transfers Chappie's mind

[52:06] to all the robots in the network, I guess.

[52:08] And turns it back on.

Dan McCoy

[52:09] No, it's just the nearest robot.

[52:11] I thought he sent it to all of them.

[52:12] Multiple Chappies.

[52:13] He was just searching the...

[52:15] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[52:15] He was just searching for which one was closest.

[52:17] And then we find out that the kindly mother figure

[52:20] had already uploaded her consciousness.

[52:23] And the movie ends with Chappie using the factory

[52:28] to build an upgraded version of the robot.

Elliott Kalan

[52:31] And it looks like that robot Bjork from that one Bjork video.

[52:35] Like the Svedka robot.

[52:36] The Svedka vodka robot.

[52:37] But it's got...

[52:38] It's like really creepy looking.

Dan McCoy

[52:41] But it's also like, why does this...

[52:44] Hold on.

[52:44] No one notices that like in this factory

[52:47] all of a sudden there's this other robot.

[52:48] Like why does the one like...

[52:50] It's the middle of the night.

[52:51] Nobody notices anything in this factory.

[52:53] The one female robot goes missing.

[52:55] A robot has to be like pretty.

[52:56] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[52:58] Yeah, we're the ugly female robots.

[53:00] You know, like Rosie from the Jetsons.

[53:02] Wait, you don't think she's pretty?

Dan McCoy

[53:05] Not my type.

[53:06] She's, you know, she's a...

[53:07] You know, she's a...

[53:08] She's a lovely woman.

[53:10] She's sturdy, dude.

Elliott Kalan

[53:11] She's made entirely of cylinders.

[53:12] You're pretty and sturdy.

[53:14] Go hand in hand.

[53:17] The...

[53:18] Yeah, there's...

[53:19] Well, one of the things is that...

[53:20] Nobody notices anything.

[53:21] Nobody notices anything.

[53:22] There's like nobody around...

[53:23] Unless a character is needed for the...

[53:25] For a scene,

[53:27] they're just...

[53:27] They might as well be Sims extras.

[53:29] Like they're just wandering around

[53:30] in the background, you know.

Stuart Wellington

[53:32] Was this...

[53:33] Was this movie like...

[53:35] Was this movie rushed to production?

[53:38] Like it feels so...

[53:39] I don't think so.

[53:42] That's the question.

[53:42] Welcome to What's Going On,

[53:44] our movie podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[53:46] What's going on,

[53:46] our Marvin Gaye podcast.

[53:49] What is going on?

[53:51] Brother, tell me.

Dan McCoy

[53:54] Just us talking about like...

Stuart Wellington

[53:55] You know, I've been working a lot.

[53:58] Sort of.

[53:59] Sort of.

[54:00] Trying to get this bar open.

[54:01] A little chilly in the room right now.

[54:02] Time of year when it's getting colder.

[54:03] Oh wow, very specific.

[54:05] It's not yet cold enough for a full coat.

[54:07] Wearing a fleece.

Elliott Kalan

[54:09] I've got running socks on

[54:10] because I ran out of full length socks.

[54:12] Oh man, laundry day, am I right?

[54:14] Tell me about it.

[54:15] Welcome to Laundro,

[54:16] our laundry day podcast.

[54:18] Laundro Calarissian.

[54:22] He's Billy Dee Williams' character's

[54:24] chain of laundries.

Dan McCoy

[54:26] I was thinking the Ugnaughts

[54:28] probably did all the laundry on...

[54:30] The Ugnaughts?

Elliott Kalan

[54:30] No one wants the Ugnaughts

[54:31] touching their clothes.

[54:32] No?

[54:32] The Ugnaughts are gross.

[54:34] I think we've discussed before

[54:35] they have Ug in their name.

Stuart Wellington

[54:38] Lobot, however,

[54:39] I want to make him fold all my clothes.

Elliott Kalan

[54:41] Because he'll do it super fast.

[54:42] My delegates.

[54:43] Like Bishop playing Mumblety Peg

[54:44] in Aliens.

[54:47] Bishop the Robot

[54:48] and not Bishop from X-Bot.

[54:49] No, and not like Bishop

[54:51] from the Catholic Church.

Stuart Wellington

[54:56] Not Bishop from my chessboard.

Dan McCoy

[55:00] He doesn't have any hands at all.

[55:02] I don't want him.

[55:03] Just kind of like a stylized representation.

[55:05] No.

Elliott Kalan

[55:05] Or side-to-side movement options.

[55:07] He can only fold diagonally.

[55:09] Yeah.

[55:09] That doesn't help me with my pants.

[55:11] Everything's got diagonal wrinkles now.

[55:14] This is...

[55:14] Bishop, this is not how you crease pants.

[55:17] I wanted a nice crease.

[55:18] My legs look like Kringle fries.

Dan McCoy

[55:21] My pants look like a napkin folded at a fancy restaurant.

Stuart Wellington

[55:26] And I hate fancy restaurants, Bishop from my chessboard.

Elliott Kalan

[55:30] That's why I only take you to Carl's Jr.

[55:35] Whoa.

Dan McCoy

[55:36] I should have had Rook do this.

Elliott Kalan

[55:38] He moves in straight lines.

[55:41] Oh, this is even worse than when I had Knight fold my stuff.

[55:43] And everything was L-shaped.

Stuart Wellington

[55:45] I forgot to mention, guys, that Carl's Jr. is our sponsor.

Elliott Kalan

[55:48] Uh-oh.

[55:50] I think even Carl's Jr. would admit they're not fancy.

[55:53] But they have beautiful babes eating greasy burgers in their commercials.

[55:56] It's not like all this time Carl's Jr.

[55:58] Carl has been under the impression that he...

[56:00] And it's a fine dining establishment.

[56:03] Carl is like, how come we still don't have any Michelin stars?

[56:06] Junior!

[56:08] Junior, what have you done with my restaurant chain?

[56:11] Please.

[56:11] Mr. Burger lives in Florida.

[56:13] Call me Carl Jr.

[56:15] Now, so chappy.

[56:16] It's a whole mix of robot fighting and robot learning how to talk and being cute.

[56:21] And South African patois and weirdos walking around.

[56:26] Successful?

[56:27] You be the judge.

Stuart Wellington

[56:27] It makes you feel...

[56:28] If it makes you feel any better, Elliot, there is that scene where they go to a dog fight

[56:33] and we get to see a dead dog lying on the ground.

Elliott Kalan

[56:35] We do get to see Chappy poke the corpse of a dead dog.

[56:38] And that's how he learned that things die.

[56:40] But even that is like...

[56:41] Just like when the short circuit jumped on that grasshopper.

[56:44] Well, when his name is Johnny Five.

[56:46] But yeah, exactly.

[56:46] It's like even that was just a gritty version of that scene.

[56:50] Yeah, his name's not Family Matters.

[56:52] It's Urkel, dude.

[56:54] The guy's name isn't Jurassic Park.

[56:56] It's Dr. Alan Grant.

Stuart Wellington

[57:00] You wanted to call him Dr. Elliot Grant, right?

[57:02] I did, yeah.

[57:02] Because that's what you called yourself in the mirror growing up.

Elliott Kalan

[57:05] I was pretending to be Sam Neill in Jurassic Park.

[57:09] Because that's what I wanted to do.

[57:10] Because that's what you had to do with that fedora.

Stuart Wellington

[57:12] You're like, not Indiana Jones.

Elliott Kalan

[57:14] I want to be a doctor.

[57:15] I'm like, I'm never going to be able to pull off Indiana Jones.

[57:17] The best I can do is a paleontologist who gets wrapped up in an adventure by accident.

Dan McCoy

[57:24] So let's go to Final Judgments.

[57:26] Whether this is a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie, or a movie you kind of like.

[57:29] Movie of the year.

[57:30] What do you say, Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[57:33] Yeah, best movie I've ever seen.

[57:38] Chappy is, I can't say crappy because that's bad.

[57:43] Is there a crappy?

[57:44] Happy.

[57:45] Makes me happy, yeah.

[57:47] No, Chappy's not very good.

[57:49] I had kind of low expectations going in because of the reviews.

[57:54] And because Elysium was not very good.

[57:56] And it seems like Neil Blomkamp is one of those directors that is just going to keep giving us diminishing returns.

Elliott Kalan

[58:02] Hopefully not.

[58:03] Maybe he'll rediscover himself.

Stuart Wellington

[58:06] My man, Neil Blomkamp.

[58:09] That's all I'm going to say.

Dan McCoy

[58:11] This movie is super weird.

[58:14] Like, I don't think that we really, like, got it across just how the tone is wrong.

[58:20] It's a movie that.

[58:21] Like, weird like a David Lynch movie.

Elliott Kalan

[58:22] You know what this feels like to me is it feels like a Terry Gilliam or, what's the name of the guy who directed Snowpiercer?

[58:31] It feels like.

[58:31] Bong Joon-ho, is that him?

[58:33] Yes.

[58:34] Was it Bong Joon-ho who did Snowpiercer?

[58:36] No.

[58:37] Wait.

[58:37] No.

[58:38] I think you're being racist by crediting him.

[58:40] Wait.

[58:41] I mean, I think it's more.

[58:43] Are you sure?

[58:43] No, because Snowpiercer's the guy who did the good, the bad, and the weird, right?

[58:46] Oh.

[58:46] And that's not Bong Joon-ho.

[58:47] Bong Joon-ho did The Host and Mother.

[58:49] Mm-hmm.

[58:50] I'm going to look it up.

[58:51] But it, because I can't remember his name.

[58:52] But it feels like a movie one of those guys would have aced, because they would have made it manic and bright.

[58:58] And this is gritty.

[59:01] Or like, it looks ugly.

[59:03] Like, it doesn't, it's, and it doesn't, there's no energy to it.

[59:05] It doesn't move quickly.

[59:06] I mean, we might be jaded, because we've seen a lot of-

[59:09] Oh, it was Bong Joon-ho.

[59:09] I was wrong.

[59:10] We've seen a lot of movies, and-

[59:12] Yeah.

[59:13] I am the champion.

[59:14] You're right.

[59:15] I thought it was the guy who did the good, the bad, and the weird, but it wasn't.

[59:17] It was Bong Joon-ho who did Snowpiercer.

Dan McCoy

[59:19] That's why I saw the terrible.

[59:20] You just thought, because they both had trains in them.

Elliott Kalan

[59:22] Yeah.

[59:22] Because I thought, one train movie?

[59:24] The guy loves trains.

[59:26] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[59:26] The same guy who made The Great Train Robbery.

Elliott Kalan

[59:29] Made, uh-

[59:30] Made, uh, Taking a Pelham 1, 2, 3.

[59:31] He made, uh, Train Leaving a Station.

[59:35] Under Siege Dark Territory.

[59:36] Oh, yeah.

[59:37] And, uh, Trains.

[59:39] The sequel to Planes.

[59:40] The sequel to Cars.

[59:41] That's out already?

[59:42] It doesn't exist.

Stuart Wellington

[59:43] So the thing is, that if you're gonna show a sequence where a robot is like-

Elliott Kalan

[59:47] I think Snowpiercer is my favorite Bong Joon-ho movie by far.

[59:52] You like it more than The Host?

[59:53] I didn't love The Host.

[59:54] I liked Memories of Murder a lot.

[59:56] Memories of Murder's great.

[59:57] Yeah.

[59:57] I think Snowpiercer is tied with Memories of Murder.

[59:59] The Host I thought was okay.

[1:00:00] I was disappointed by it.

[1:00:02] It, like, wasn't the movie I wanted it to be.

[1:00:04] It was another one-

[1:00:05] That's where your expectations build up too much?

[1:00:07] A little bit.

[1:00:08] Okay.

[1:00:08] But also it's one where the tones clash a little bit for me.

[1:00:12] Rather than being a riotous clash of tones, it was an awkward clash of tones.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:17] Clash of the tonins.

[1:00:18] So part of the movie is that it, because-

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:22] Dan, I apologize for calling you racist.

[1:00:24] If you're gonna have a movie where you have like a-

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:26] Like a baby robot-

[1:00:27] Because it was Kim Ji-Woon who directed the good, the bad, and the weird.

[1:00:29] If you're gonna have a baby robot who's like kind of innocent and learning how to do things,

[1:00:35] we've seen a lot of movies, man.

[1:00:37] I've already seen that like a zillion times over.

[1:00:40] Yeah.

[1:00:40] You're gonna have to be good at doing it.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:42] Well, but what I was gonna say is like, in a way, the fact that the tones are all wrong

[1:00:48] in this movie, like the fact that everything that's happening is just like 12 degrees off

[1:00:55] of being successful, uh, is kind of what makes me enjoy the movie.

[1:01:00] I feel like this is mostly a bad, bad movie, but it's getting really close to a movie I

[1:01:05] kind of enjoyed, because it's, it's just wrong in a way that's appealing.

[1:01:11] You like, you look at it with bafflement, but not in like a way that you're laughing at

[1:01:17] it, in a way that you're just like, wow, this is like weird in a way that I really wish

[1:01:22] I could enjoy it.

[1:01:23] And sometimes you do, as when someone gets cut by a big fucking clipper on a robot.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:28] If it had been 90 minutes of that.

[1:01:31] I definitely felt like there were scenes where I was like, I thought I would enjoy this more

[1:01:35] if you described it to me.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:36] And Hugh Jackman's performance is at least super fun.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:39] Hugh Jackman is, is really good in this because he's like, he goes all out with it.

[1:01:43] Dev Patel is kind of anonymous.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:44] And he goes all out in like being unappealing.

[1:01:46] Like he goes all out.

[1:01:47] Yes.

[1:01:47] And like, he's like, he's totally willing to like drain himself of all of his natural charisma,

[1:01:52] which he has a ton of.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:53] He's not even trying to be a charismatic villain.

[1:01:55] He's being a totally uncharismatic villain.

[1:01:58] And I liked him more because of that.

[1:01:59] Yeah.

[1:02:00] And Sigourney Weaver is kind of wasted.

[1:02:01] She doesn't really leave her office for the entire movie.

[1:02:04] Well, it feels like everything is.

[1:02:05] Which makes me think that maybe they just had like two days to shoot with her.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:07] It feels like everything is super shorthand.

[1:02:10] And because, and like Hugh Jackman actually brought something to the, to the shoot, whereas

[1:02:15] everybody else didn't bring anything.

[1:02:17] I would imagine, you know, Charlotte Copley with probably giving kind of boring direction

[1:02:22] did a pretty good job, I'd imagine.

[1:02:24] And it's like stop motion suit.

[1:02:27] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:28] No, I mean, the effects are really good.

[1:02:29] The robot acting is good.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:32] And what do you think?

[1:02:33] Did you like the effects?

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:34] They hired a robot to play that part.

[1:02:36] The effects were not bad.

[1:02:36] That wasn't a human in Mecca face.

[1:02:38] That was a real robot.

[1:02:40] There's so many robot actors who are out of work while humans take those parts.

[1:02:46] Like Powers Booth.

[1:02:50] In the C-3PO costume.

[1:02:52] Yeah.

[1:02:52] As the power droid.

[1:02:55] Now I want to imagine Powers Booth in the ADR booth.

[1:02:59] Just gunk, gunk.

[1:03:01] Powers, it still sounds a little too much like your normal character.

[1:03:05] Can you make it more a gunk droid?

[1:03:06] Gunk.

[1:03:07] It's too menacing.

[1:03:09] It's too menacing, sir.

[1:03:10] You sound too much like an evil gambler.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:20] We're Dave and Graham, and we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:23] We started this podcast back in 2008, before podcasts had to have any kind of concept, so we don't really know how to describe it.

[1:03:31] It's kind of like going to the barber shop if your barber knew all about the first season of the show, Elf.

[1:03:38] It's like a 90-minute massage where the masseuse is two people talking to each other with a third person.

[1:03:43] It's like the Monsters of Metal tour, only quieter, no music, and just talking.

[1:03:48] It's like a make-out session, but without the lips touching, they just talk a lot.

[1:03:53] Download Stop Podcasting Yourself from iTunes or MaximumFun.org.

[1:04:01] Briefly, before we move on to letters, I want to say I found the note from the gentleman who sent that.

[1:04:11] Evolver.

[1:04:12] Yeah, the video game.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:13] Evolve, yeah.

[1:04:14] Thanks.

[1:04:14] Or Evolve.

[1:04:14] Oh, yeah, Evolver is a movie about a robot that goes crazy and starts shooting people.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:17] And so I want to thank him by name.

[1:04:19] Thank you, Brock, last name withheld.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:21] Oh, thanks, Brock.

[1:04:22] I've been playing a bunch.

[1:04:23] It's super fun.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:25] And sorry that I didn't have that at the time.

[1:04:29] But hopefully better late than never.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:32] Nope.

[1:04:33] Never would have been better.

[1:04:36] So what do we do now, Dan?

[1:04:37] What part of the podcast is this?

Dan McCoy

[1:04:40] This is the part of the podcast where we...

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:42] Where we hurry up and do some letters.

[1:04:43] Do some letters.

[1:04:45] From listeners.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:47] Listeners sent us letters.

[1:04:50] Now we're gonna read them as Stuart goes to get another beer.

[1:04:54] Killing time right now as Stuart gets that beer.

[1:04:58] So gather round here and listen and hear to what I'm saying as Stuart goes in.

[1:05:04] He's opening up that beer.

[1:05:07] And now the song is done.

[1:05:09] Seamless.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:12] That's a weird noise.

[1:05:14] That was not a pleasant drinking noise.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:17] So this first...

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:19] That's the sound I would expect if you were drinking some kind of alien beer that comes

[1:05:23] in a living gelatinous sack.

[1:05:25] And you have to bite the skin and then suck the blood out.

[1:05:28] And the blood is beer.

[1:05:29] That's delicious, Morty.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:30] That's my Rick impression from Rick and Morty.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:36] So this first letter of the night is from Mitra, last name withheld.

[1:05:42] Dear Flophouse.

[1:05:43] Hey there.

[1:05:44] I wouldn't presume to friend any of you on Facebook.

[1:05:47] But Dan, could I friend your brother John?

[1:05:51] Here are my connections to the Flophouse and by extension John.

[1:05:55] Number one.

[1:05:56] My mother's best friend's daughter wrote a book that's being turned into a miniseries starring

[1:06:00] Anne Hathaway.

[1:06:02] Number two.

[1:06:03] I share one friend with John McCoy.

[1:06:06] Someone I don't know and who has 3,927 friends, but still.

[1:06:11] Wow, that's really popular.

[1:06:12] Yeah.

[1:06:12] Number three.

[1:06:13] It must be like Ronald McDonald or Shaquille O'Neal or somebody.

[1:06:16] It's Garfield.

[1:06:18] He hates Mondays, but he loves friends.

[1:06:21] Number three.

[1:06:22] I share one friend with Elliot.

[1:06:24] Shout out to Bob Sikoriak.

[1:06:26] Oh, okay.

[1:06:26] Bob Sikoriak's great.

[1:06:27] Number four.

[1:06:28] I went to high school with John Hodgman.

[1:06:30] Okay, admittedly, I have no memory of him, but I'm friends with friends of his.

[1:06:34] My friend Phaedra says she remembers John because he carried his books to school in a briefcase.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:38] That sounds like John Hodgman.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:40] Number five.

[1:06:41] If I had a ding dong, I would tear it off.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:44] Number six.

[1:06:45] Think about that before you make any promises.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:49] Number six.

[1:06:49] How can a clam cram in a clean cream can?

[1:06:54] I just wanted to hear Dan say that.

[1:06:57] How long were you fucking practicing that, Dan?

[1:06:59] I can talk right if I want to.

[1:07:02] Because he just didn't want to all this time?

[1:07:04] Yeah, I'm just lazy.

[1:07:05] Please, I need more interesting friends.

[1:07:07] I can only look at so many baby photos, though.

[1:07:09] If John and his wife have a baby, then never mind.

[1:07:11] I'm good.

[1:07:12] Best Mitra.

[1:07:13] Well, you know, they don't.

[1:07:14] They've got grown-up children at this point.

[1:07:18] Their children are older than they are.

[1:07:19] Look, man, I can't control who John friends.

[1:07:24] That's up to him.

[1:07:25] I mean, I say go for it.

[1:07:28] You know what?

[1:07:28] You've got to lose.

[1:07:29] You can't fear rejection in this world.

[1:07:33] Just put that friend request right out there.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:35] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:07:36] You've got to live your life a quarter mile at the time.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:40] If you were going to die tomorrow, would you want to have regretted never asking John McCoy

[1:07:45] to be your friend on Facebook?

[1:07:47] I don't think so.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:48] Yeah, so I hope that we've given you the confidence you need to live your life.

[1:07:53] Free from fear?

[1:07:54] Yeah.

[1:07:55] That's one of the four freedoms.

[1:07:56] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:58] No fear, t-shirts, bad boys' glove, et cetera.

[1:08:00] I like, yeah, FDR was running.

[1:08:01] If you can't run with the big dogs, stay on the porch.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:04] Life's a beach.

[1:08:06] When FDR gave his four freedom of speech, he was wearing a no fear t-shirt.

[1:08:12] No.

[1:08:13] This is from, this next one's from.

[1:08:15] We have nothing to fear.

[1:08:16] This is his inauguration, not the four freedom of speech.

[1:08:19] We have nothing to fear but fear itself.

[1:08:21] Check out my shirt.

[1:08:23] That's what I want from everybody.

[1:08:25] Oh, I wore my Mossimo shirt today.

[1:08:27] Oh, damn it.

[1:08:27] Well, let me get my no fear shirt.

[1:08:29] Hold on.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:31] This next one is from Wyatt, not Senac.

[1:08:35] Last name with hell.

[1:08:36] Wyatt Earp.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:38] There's the only other one.

[1:08:39] The only other one is Wyatt from Weird Science, and he's a fictional character.

[1:08:42] So it has to be Wyatt Earp, the man who made Tombstone live again.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:46] He's got the stare.

[1:08:48] My friend took me to a birthday party for a stranger the other day,

[1:08:51] and when I met the birthday boy.

[1:08:53] Is this a sex story?

[1:08:54] When I met the birthday boy, I said to the crowd that he looked like Stuart Wellington.

[1:09:03] This comment was met with silence and funny looks.

[1:09:06] What's the big idea, Stuart?

[1:09:07] I trusted you, and you made me look like a fool.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:11] Yeah, I'm really sorry that people didn't know who I am or what I look like.

[1:09:16] I've been trying to spread the word and the face.

[1:09:21] Yeah.

[1:09:22] I mean, Stuart spreading face well with a face spreader.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:26] We've had all those Shepard fairy posters of Stuart's face plastered all over.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:31] They just say dude underneath.

[1:09:32] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:33] But they don't seem to catch it on.

[1:09:36] Now you're just trying to get somebody to make a Photoshop up a little thing.

[1:09:39] They've got to now.

[1:09:40] Yeah, it's got to be done.

[1:09:41] Maybe Shepard fairy well.

[1:09:43] That's right.

[1:09:44] We know you're listening, Shepard.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:47] What if he was a fairy shepherd?

[1:09:49] Yeah.

[1:09:50] And there was a flock of little pixies and he just kept them, you know, safe.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:53] You missed when we watched Strange Magic.

[1:09:55] I think there was a character like that.

[1:09:57] Really?

[1:09:57] Yeah.

[1:09:58] Oh, okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:59] Ask Jordan Morris.

[1:09:59] I don't remember.

[1:10:00] I was too drunk.

[1:10:03] This letter is from Leanne Last and with L.

[1:10:05] Rhymes.

[1:10:07] Dear my darling peaches.

[1:10:10] It's recently been brought to my attention that other podcasts have towns and nations while

[1:10:16] your fan base is confined to a single house.

[1:10:20] In fact, I'm not even sure if we're allowed into the flop house.

[1:10:23] Nope.

[1:10:23] Or if it's strictly.

[1:10:26] You can look in through the windows.

[1:10:28] Or if it's a strictly original peach residence.

[1:10:30] It's like a tent city that lives outside.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:33] Yeah, it's like Burning Man.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:34] My question is thus.

[1:10:37] What does the flop house actually look like?

[1:10:40] Is it a decrepit boarding home, as the pun suggests, or stately manor?

[1:10:44] Do you have to pass through a mirror world to enter?

[1:10:46] Where's the evidence dungeon located?

[1:10:49] Are only boys allowed?

[1:10:49] Well, probably below ground.

[1:10:52] We're in the belfry.

[1:10:54] Are only boys allowed?

[1:10:55] Paint me a word picture.

[1:10:57] Love, Leanne, last name withheld.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:59] Well, thank you for making a lot of references to things we've said in the past, Leanne.

[1:11:04] Dan, since you are the president of Housecat Productions.

[1:11:09] Incorporated.

[1:11:10] You probably have the best idea of what the flop house looks like.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:15] Well, it's a gingerbread house.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:18] I already regret that you gave him first lead on this, Stuart.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:22] I'm going to take this ball back and pass down it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:24] Bounce fast?

[1:11:25] No, no.

[1:11:26] What else is happening in this gingerbread house that we apparently go to all the time?

[1:11:29] You bounce fast back to Dan.

[1:11:31] Okay, I guess.

[1:11:32] I'm curious.

[1:11:33] I want to give him a chance to redeem himself.

[1:11:34] That's how we lure our listeners in.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:36] Let's see.

[1:11:37] They come over and they want to stick the gumdrops in their ear holes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:41] I'm going to take that ball back.

[1:11:43] I'm going to call a timeout.

[1:11:44] Ref, can I call a timeout?

[1:11:46] I'm just going to take this ball back.

[1:11:47] Sure.

[1:11:48] Okay.

[1:11:49] Yeah, that's not what I imagined.

[1:11:51] Okay, what do you got?

[1:11:52] It looks like the White House, but it's like five times bigger.

[1:11:55] Okay.

[1:11:56] Every room is made of TVs.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:57] So it's made for giants or it's just got five times as many rooms?

[1:12:01] Both.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:03] Five times as many rooms and the rooms are five times as big.

[1:12:06] We need to travel around on little go-karts because it's so big.

[1:12:10] Go-karts?

[1:12:10] A little go-karts.

[1:12:11] We use a slip and slide lubricated up with go-karts, and that's how we slide from room to room.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:20] Then we have a pet chimp.

[1:12:21] Oh, man.

[1:12:23] Our water bills are so high for washing all that gross shit off.

[1:12:29] Okay.

[1:12:29] Well, that's nice.

[1:12:30] I'm sure Dan's room is lovingly appointed with fancy stuff and things.

[1:12:36] Oh, yeah.

[1:12:36] Elliot's room is basically all of my favorites.

[1:12:41] I was looking at ambiguous so you could flesh it out.

[1:12:44] You really know Dan well.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:45] His love about stuff and things.

[1:12:48] All the years spending time with him have been split away.

[1:12:52] I'm not coveting fancy stuff.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:54] I'm looking at fancy things.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:00] Elliot's room is, of course, the library.

[1:13:02] Yes, of course.

[1:13:03] You've got your floor-to-ceiling bookshelves and scrolling ladders.

[1:13:07] Mm-hmm.

[1:13:07] Cobwebs.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:09] Oh, so it's a haunted library?

[1:13:11] Of course.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:12] Yeah, yeah.

[1:13:12] And I hide behind a beanbag chair and jump out and say boo if someone wanders in.

[1:13:17] And Stuart, your room is, well, it's a pizzeria.

[1:13:20] And it's got one of those slushy machines from the roller rink.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:23] It's converted from the garage.

[1:13:26] There's some straw matting in the corner for me to sleep in.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:32] And a bucket.

[1:13:33] We don't need to know what the bucket's for.

[1:13:37] Multipurpose.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:37] Straw matting.

[1:13:39] Okay, is that bit done, Dan?

[1:13:42] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:43] That bit done gone.

[1:13:46] So the last letter of the evening is a bit of a special letter.

[1:13:50] It comes to us on actual physical paper.

[1:13:55] Who sent this to us?

[1:13:56] A mummy?

[1:13:57] Handwritten.

[1:13:58] Papyrus?

[1:13:59] Let me just read on.

[1:14:01] It goes,

[1:14:01] Gentlemen of the Flop,

[1:14:03] I wonder if I might share with you my amazing, perhaps unique, Flophouse story.

[1:14:09] Lately, having happened across your podcast, I've been listening to it obsessively, to use a shopworn term.

[1:14:14] Since I work in the film industry, I've been a good example of what Henri Bergson, is that how you say it?

[1:14:21] Yeah, Henri Bergson.

[1:14:23] I thought that was a direct quotation of Nietzsche.

[1:14:37] Nietzsche was talking about a much earlier podcast.

[1:14:53] came the day when, scrolling further back along the Flophouse feed, I arrived at my own film, The Twilight Saga, colon, New Moon.

[1:15:02] Wait a minute.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:03] That was our most popular episode for a long time.

[1:15:06] Yeah, for a very long time.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:08] I was put in mind of, again paraphrasing, the famous lines of Martin and Neil Muller.

[1:15:13] First, they came from The Purge, and I did not speak out.

[1:15:15] For I had not directed The Purge.

[1:15:17] Then they came from Grace of Monaco, and I did not speak out.

[1:15:20] For I had not directed Grace of Monaco.

[1:15:22] Then they came from, for Temptation, Confessions of a Marriage Counselor.

[1:15:26] I did not speak out.

[1:15:27] For I had not directed Temptation's Confession of a Marriage Counselor.

[1:15:31] Then they came from me.

[1:15:33] And there the analogy collapses.

[1:15:35] Well, you can imagine my chagrin.

[1:15:36] But in truth, I can raise few objections to the episode.

[1:15:40] I kind of agree with most of the charges leveled.

[1:15:43] Does one set out to make a bad, bad film?

[1:15:45] Of course not.

[1:15:47] One has a new mortgage.

[1:15:48] One receives an offer.

[1:15:51] One decides it would be a good idea, and besides, one thinks,

[1:15:54] one feels one can deliver what a fan of the Twilight Saga might want.

[1:15:59] One calls oneself one.

[1:16:01] You will probably not recall that all of your critiques,

[1:16:04] sorry, you will probably not recall all of your critiques.

[1:16:08] But again, I agree with most of them.

[1:16:10] Yes, the Golden Compass was a missed opportunity.

[1:16:14] Don't get me started.

[1:16:15] I feel bad now about the things I said about the Golden Compass.

[1:16:17] Yes, Elliot.

[1:16:18] I too wonder where my Oscar is.

[1:16:21] Though self-regard makes me point out

[1:16:23] that I was, in fact, nominated in 2003.

[1:16:27] Not, as you say, that that actually matters for much.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:30] What do I draw from all this?

[1:16:31] I would say that matters for a lot.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:33] That this rather amazing hour of comeuppance

[1:16:36] for my schadenfreude aside,

[1:16:39] I still...

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:40] You're not feeling so proud about saying that clam stuff correctly,

[1:16:43] are you, Dan?

[1:16:43] I mean, he's doing...

[1:16:44] All these big words.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:45] I'll give Dan credit.

[1:16:46] He's reading fucking handwritten.

[1:16:48] That's true.

[1:16:48] As we mentioned on mummy paper.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:51] He's reading straight from the hieroglyphics.

[1:16:54] This rather amusing hour of comeuppance for my schadenfreude aside,

[1:16:58] I still enjoy your podcast,

[1:16:59] and it puts me in the mood to make good films.

[1:17:02] So that's good.

[1:17:04] I enclose in closing a copy of my post-New Moon film,

[1:17:08] A Better Life, which I rather like.

[1:17:11] Darian Bishar gives a lovely performance in it.

[1:17:15] In the meanwhile, I wish all three of you the very best

[1:17:17] and look forward to hearing your voices momentarily.

[1:17:22] Yours, Chris' last name withheld, director of New Moon.

[1:17:29] Yeah.

[1:17:30] So thank you to Chris Weitz,

[1:17:32] who's the definition of a class act.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:35] I feel really bad now,

[1:17:37] but I also feel good that he likes the podcast.

[1:17:39] Thanks for listening and for not liking us.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:42] And I would like to remind him

[1:17:45] that I was the one who said

[1:17:46] that I liked American Pie and About a Boy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:49] Wow.

[1:17:49] You really threw us under the bus quick.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:51] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:17:52] I have nothing prepared here.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:54] About a Boy's a fine movie.

[1:17:55] I've actually never seen American Pie,

[1:17:57] so I cannot speak for it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:58] You've never seen American fucking Pie, dude?

[1:18:00] I never got around to it.

[1:18:02] That was the original title.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:05] I've seen the important scenes,

[1:18:07] by which I mean the one for Shannon Elizabeth is topless.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:09] All right, well, I was going to say,

[1:18:10] yeah, I was going to bring that up.

[1:18:12] I was like, surely, as a guy who was young,

[1:18:15] when relatively young.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:16] Growing up as we all have in the era

[1:18:19] of the introduction of the internet

[1:18:21] and home video technology,

[1:18:23] it became no longer necessary

[1:18:24] to sit through an entire film

[1:18:26] to see the moments of nudity,

[1:18:27] which you knew were encased therein.

[1:18:29] Yeah.

[1:18:30] I can only imagine some strange alternate universe

[1:18:33] where the internet predated just one of the guys,

[1:18:36] and I no longer had to sit through the entire show on HBO

[1:18:39] to see that one glorious moment

[1:18:41] where she takes her top off at the end.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:43] Then you would be losing all the great comedy bits.

[1:18:46] Yeah.

[1:18:47] It's true.

[1:18:47] And all the, like, 40-year-old teenagers

[1:18:50] playing teenagers.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:51] I have such a weird nostalgia

[1:18:52] for having to force myself

[1:18:54] to sit through terrible movies

[1:18:57] in the hopes that there might be a naked lady in it.

[1:19:00] What are you saying is that the payoff is better

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:02] when you tease something like that out.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:05] You're edging as a viewer.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:08] There was a time when you had to really pay attention

[1:19:13] to the plot and try to figure out

[1:19:15] which one of Shannon Tweed's patients

[1:19:17] was trying to kill her

[1:19:18] in between the sex therapy scenes

[1:19:20] where she just watched people have sex

[1:19:22] through a double-sided mirror, of course,

[1:19:24] into a mirror.

[1:19:25] Thank you very much for writing, sir.

[1:19:27] And the DVD.

[1:19:28] And the DVD.

[1:19:29] I'm looking forward to watching that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:31] It's Darian Bashir, isn't it?

[1:19:34] That's, uh...

[1:19:35] I like that dude.

[1:19:36] Yeah.

[1:19:38] What was he in?

Dan McCoy

[1:19:39] According to Peter Travers of Rolling Stone,

[1:19:40] he gives one of the year's best performances.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:42] He's in the English language remake of The Bridge.

[1:19:47] Oh, okay.

[1:19:48] I haven't seen that yet.

[1:19:49] And he's very good in that.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:52] But that was a very nice letter.

[1:19:53] No, this is a delight.

[1:19:54] This is the first time that a director of one of the films

[1:19:57] that we have talked to.

[1:19:58] We lucked out.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:00] It's a good thing that, like,

[1:20:01] Michael Bay didn't write us.

[1:20:02] He'd be real mad.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:04] Yeah, I mean, well, and...

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:05] Or what's his name from Fateful Findings?

[1:20:09] Neil Breen?

[1:20:10] Neil Breen.

[1:20:11] Oh, he's not going to write us.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:12] He's just going to show...

[1:20:13] He's going to fucking jump out of the computer, like...

[1:20:16] Like Samara from The Ring.

[1:20:18] Like a virtuosity?

[1:20:20] But also, I don't think you're misremembering virtuosity.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:24] I would like to say, as someone who works in another corner of the industry,

[1:20:28] it's not like I don't know the feeling of writing a thing

[1:20:31] and then seeing it broadcast and being like,

[1:20:33] hmm, that's not exactly what I wanted it to be.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:35] You heard it here first.

[1:20:37] Dan McCoy, ashamed of The Daily Show.

[1:20:39] Wow.

[1:20:40] No, but that's true.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:41] I think you're doing a great job, Dan.

[1:20:43] Thanks.

[1:20:44] You getting enough sleep?

[1:20:46] No, I'm not.

[1:20:47] Oh.

[1:20:48] Are you getting enough knee exercises?

[1:20:51] Probably.

[1:20:51] How's the knee?

[1:20:52] All right.

[1:20:53] We haven't heard about the knee in a while.

[1:20:54] Because it's doing fine.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:56] And I also have worse things going on in my life.

[1:20:58] There you go.

[1:20:59] Yeah.

[1:20:59] Get any new shoes lately?

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:01] Maybe give yourself a treat.

[1:21:03] Thanks.

[1:21:04] You know, you get your new shoes on and suddenly everything's all right,

[1:21:08] whatever that stupid song says.

[1:21:10] Whoa, hot takes from Elliot tonight.

[1:21:12] But, yeah, I think...

[1:21:14] Hot takes.

[1:21:14] Any of us involved in creative work of any kind has had stuff

[1:21:19] fail to meet our hopes and expectations.

[1:21:23] So...

Dan McCoy

[1:21:23] I don't do anything creative.

[1:21:25] That's, yeah.

[1:21:26] I'm just a garbage person who serves people booze

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:29] and complains about stuff on the internet.

[1:21:34] So what about you?

[1:21:35] I saw that's one of my favorite.

[1:21:37] Wait, like Rock?

[1:21:37] Yeah, you're a garbage person.

[1:21:39] I'm like the character of Rock, played by Charles S. Dutton.

[1:21:44] Yeah.

[1:21:44] Formerly accused of and served time for manslaughter.

[1:21:47] He did his time.

[1:21:48] He did his time, okay?

[1:21:49] He did his time on the set of Alien 3.

[1:21:51] He paid his debt to society.

[1:21:56] What's he up to now?

[1:21:57] What is it about...

[1:21:58] I think he passed away.

[1:21:59] What is it about terrifying things that draw us in a little bit closer?

[1:22:03] Dan, Charles S. Dutton.

[1:22:03] Still alive?

[1:22:04] Not alive?

[1:22:05] Um, I don't know.

[1:22:07] Well, use your computer phone.

[1:22:08] So just pause the podcast.

[1:22:10] Okay.

[1:22:10] Look it up.

[1:22:11] Drag it to the garbage.

[1:22:12] Drag it to the garbage.

[1:22:15] Now, uh, go into the help.

[1:22:19] What color is...

[1:22:21] No, we're not asking that question anymore.

[1:22:22] ...cling on blood.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:25] So, uh...

[1:22:28] Dan, while you're looking that up, should I introduce the next segment?

[1:22:31] So what's the next thing we do, Elliot?

[1:22:32] So we've talked about the movie.

[1:22:34] Okay.

[1:22:34] We gave our final judgments.

[1:22:35] We read the letters.

[1:22:37] Yep.

[1:22:37] And we were amazed.

[1:22:38] Mm-hmm.

[1:22:39] Now it's time.

[1:22:40] At this point, I think it's time.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:41] Fortunately, Charles S. Dutton is, according to IMDb, still alive.

[1:22:46] Okay, good.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:46] Who am I thinking of, then, who passed away?

[1:22:48] I don't know.

[1:22:48] Dan, name everybody who died.

[1:22:50] Danny Houston?

Dan McCoy

[1:22:51] No.

[1:22:52] Ernest Orgnine.

[1:22:54] No.

[1:22:56] Burnist Orgnine.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:58] No.

[1:22:59] We end at Burnist Orgnines.

[1:23:01] I think I'm thinking of Looney Tunes background artist, Maurice Noble.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:05] Okay.

[1:23:06] This is the time in the podcast where we say, hey, we just recently had a contest.

[1:23:11] And we have a winner for that contest, right, Dan?

[1:23:13] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:13] It's Tom Horstman.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:17] Tom Horstman.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:18] Bojack Horstman.

[1:23:19] I have contacted him via email.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:22] As the last-minute initiator of this contest, I totally sprung it on you dudes.

[1:23:26] And we kind of sprung it on you, the listeners, and gave you very little time to turn in

[1:23:30] artwork for this.

[1:23:33] I got to say, I was blown away by the quality of stuff that people turned in.

[1:23:37] There were some fantastic entries.

[1:23:39] If you haven't had a chance to check this out, or you're just tuning in, go over to the

[1:23:42] Flap House website and check out the, go to the blog section, I think, and look at the

[1:23:48] contest entries.

[1:23:49] Because there's some really great choking victim posters.

[1:23:52] Yeah.

[1:23:53] And I would have been proud to put any of these things up in my bar.

[1:23:57] I got to say, now I need to open like fucking 12 more bars to fucking put all these posters

[1:24:03] up.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:03] I want to say, too, Tony Oaker was a very close runner-up.

[1:24:06] And he's done some great animations for us in the past, just as a fan.

[1:24:12] And so I also kind of hit him.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:15] I got nervous when I saw Tony's go up, because his went up super fast.

[1:24:18] Yeah.

[1:24:18] And I was like, everyone's going to be totally scarified, because his looks so great.

[1:24:23] And I, yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:25] So I added the second prize.

[1:24:27] So Tom Horseman's going to get the t-shirt plus...

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:31] The grand prize.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:32] He's picking a movie for us to watch.

[1:24:35] Do not pick nothing but trouble.

[1:24:37] Tony Oaker is going to.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:38] No, not allowed to pick nothing but trouble.

[1:24:39] I think I said that.

[1:24:40] The one movie no one is allowed to pick.

[1:24:41] Yeah, the t-shirt.

[1:24:42] So.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:43] What kind of t-shirt?

[1:24:44] Like a nice cap?

[1:24:45] A flop house t-shirt.

[1:24:45] Like an old Navy tee?

[1:24:47] I mean, they're on American Apparel tees.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:50] The thing is, Elliot, it's going to be a t-shirt.

[1:24:52] It's going to be a t-shirt that confirms that you should have no fear.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:57] That's what I need from a t-shirt to deal with my fear.

[1:25:01] That's great.

[1:25:01] An exciting contest.

[1:25:02] We'll have another contest someday soon.

[1:25:04] Dan, normally I'd say we should promote our live show on January 15th,

[1:25:08] but there's no reason to since we sold out already.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:10] It sold out in five days, which is insanity.

[1:25:13] Thank you to everyone who bought tickets,

[1:25:16] and apologies to everyone who missed out this time around.

[1:25:21] We will do more.

[1:25:22] I guess we'll do another show sometime soon.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:24] We've got to do another one.

[1:25:25] There's demand, so the market has to supply it.

[1:25:29] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:30] Maybe we'll make another Elliot, Dan, and Stuart.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:32] Thanks for going to the first class in an economics course.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:38] That's the only one I took.

[1:25:39] I got bored and I left.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:41] I was like, I could draw superheroes somewhere else.

[1:25:45] It's true.

[1:25:46] You can pretty much draw superheroes anywhere.

[1:25:49] The quad.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:50] Yeah.

[1:25:51] In a Barnes & Noble in the aisle.

[1:25:52] At the NYU quad.

[1:25:53] All over the mangos.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:55] You mean mangos?

[1:25:56] All having your first sexual experience.

[1:25:57] Again, you can't eat mangos at a Barnes & Noble.

[1:26:02] So the contest winner was announced.

[1:26:06] We promoted a show that sold out already.

[1:26:08] Sorry, everybody.

[1:26:10] And so now I think we recommend very quickly the movie that we watched that we actually enjoyed.

[1:26:15] That is what we do now.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:16] I'm going to go first.

[1:26:17] I'm going to recommend a movie that I assumed I'd already recommended,

[1:26:20] and then I checked the Flophouse Recommends page,

[1:26:23] which you should totally check out.

[1:26:24] Just Google that shit.

[1:26:26] Flophouse Recommends lovingly maintained by,

[1:26:29] oh my god, I want to say Ian Whitney.

[1:26:32] Is that correct?

[1:26:33] Well, I'll double check.

[1:26:35] Dan will edit this out if I book that up.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:38] Yeah, Dan's going to do a lot of editing these days.

[1:26:40] That's our 90-minute episode show.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:43] I'm going to recommend an amazing movie called Dead or Alive.

[1:26:49] Directed by Takeshi Mieke.

[1:26:51] It is a crime.

[1:26:53] I'm surprised you haven't recommended it.

[1:26:54] I know.

[1:26:55] It's a crime thriller.

[1:26:58] If I've already recommended it, if not, people should just watch it anyway.

[1:27:00] It's great.

[1:27:01] It's a crime thriller set in Japan.

[1:27:04] It is very characteristic of a Takeshi Mieke movie

[1:27:07] because it moves super fast at times and super slow at other times.

[1:27:12] The movie actually even begins with like a punk rock count-off.

[1:27:16] It's super gross.

[1:27:17] There is a scene where a woman gets drowned in an inflatable pool full of poop.

[1:27:25] And it has the craziest ending I've ever seen.

[1:27:28] So if at any point you're like, I'm kind of bored.

[1:27:31] This movie's boring.

[1:27:32] Just stick it out, dude.

[1:27:33] Watch the whole fucking thing.

[1:27:35] That's my recommendation.

[1:27:36] Dead or Alive.

[1:27:38] But don't take my word for it.

[1:27:39] Check out Dead or Alive at your local library.

[1:27:42] And while you're at it, watch Dead or Alive 2 because it's super great too.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:46] I was really sitting here racking my brain while Stuart was talking because I did not walk

[1:27:51] into this podcast knowing what I was going to recommend.

[1:27:53] And I haven't had the time to watch a lot of movies lately.

[1:27:56] You've been busy.

[1:27:59] True that.

[1:27:59] But I remember that there was a movie that I watched on my computer while in transit.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:10] Always traveling?

[1:28:11] What kind of transit was it?

[1:28:12] Yeah, was this Airborne?

Dan McCoy

[1:28:14] It was on a train.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:16] Were you watching the movie Airborne?

[1:28:17] Some kind of Skytrain?

Dan McCoy

[1:28:19] It was on a train.

[1:28:20] I don't think I recommended this.

[1:28:22] I think I said something to Stuart about it.

[1:28:24] If it stopped making sense, I'm going to rip my face off.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:26] Well, luckily you're flying somewhere on Friday, so you'll have a movie for next episode.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:31] I watched the documentary Drunk, Stone, Brilliant Dead.

[1:28:37] I didn't recommend that.

[1:28:38] Oh, I don't think so.

[1:28:39] About the lampoon?

[1:28:39] About the National Lampoon.

[1:28:42] And it's a very entertaining documentary.

[1:28:45] It's done in sort of a kaleidoscopic, kid stays in the picture style.

[1:28:54] The thing about the lampoon is I don't necessarily have a lot of affection for it.

[1:29:03] A lot of the comedy hasn't worn well for me.

[1:29:07] A lot of it has a mean overtone and it seemed to be wanting to shock to shock.

[1:29:15] But you cannot deny the influence that it has had on comedy culture.

[1:29:21] I feel like it opened a lot of doors to a new style of comedy that has been, in its sort of derivative forms, great and influential.

[1:29:33] And it's a fast movie.

[1:29:37] It's about 90 minutes long.

[1:29:38] It's very interesting.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:40] Tell us, does the DVD come with interactive menu screens?

Dan McCoy

[1:29:44] Well, I got it streaming from iTunes, so I don't know.

[1:29:49] Screaming out of iTunes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:53] Torn from the iTunes.

[1:29:56] Untimely ripped from his mother's iTunes.

Dan McCoy

[1:29:58] If you're an old man like me, a movie that's fast is a fucking blessing.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:03] No, no, you've got less time to live.

[1:30:04] You've got to make the most of it.

[1:30:06] Who can watch Reds these days?

[1:30:08] You'll be dying any moment soon.

[1:30:10] It's a good movie.

[1:30:10] Too bad.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:11] So that's what I recommend.

[1:30:13] If you're interested in comedy at all, I think you'll find something interesting in Trunk Stone, Brilliant Dead.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:20] I'm going to recommend, a couple episodes ago, I recommended a movie by the Japanese director Mikio Naruse, which was kind of a women's melodrama film called Ginza Cosmetics.

[1:30:31] I watched another one of those since then that I liked called Wife, which is much more of a downer movie in some ways about people in a marriage that they have kind of stopped trying to make work until a crisis comes along and they don't know how to deal with it.

[1:30:50] But I thought it was really good and I liked it a lot.

[1:30:52] It's called Wife.

[1:30:53] And I'm also going to recommend, in case you didn't have the time to watch a whole movie, for whatever reason, Turner Classic Movies around Halloween showed a bunch of David Lynch's old shorts and I got to catch up on ones I'd been meaning to watch for a long time and hadn't.

[1:31:05] And there's a very short movie he had done for a, like, Lumiere Brothers anniversary project called Premonition Following an Evil Deed, which is less than a minute long, but is still one of the, like, most chilling things I've seen in a while.

[1:31:22] It's a really scary one minute, or 55 seconds, so I'd recommend that.

[1:31:27] I think it's on YouTube, Premonition Following an Evil Deed.

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:32] Three great, wait, four great recommendations.

[1:31:37] Okay.

[1:31:38] Good count.

[1:31:38] Now what do we do in the podcast, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[1:31:40] Now we blessedly sign off and...

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:43] Turn the key and lock the house up so nobody fucks it up.

[1:31:47] That's right.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:49] That's what you do with houses, yeah.

[1:31:51] I mean, are we leaving the house?

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:51] Put the key on a chain around our neck?

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:54] Get on a plane and fly somewhere else.

[1:31:56] Now we lock the door, take the key, melt it down, turn it into a little figurine.

[1:32:01] Okay, like a Hummel?

[1:32:03] Exactly.

[1:32:04] Wait, that's like...

Dan McCoy

[1:32:04] Yeah, so we gotta remelt the key back into a key shape every week?

[1:32:08] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:08] Extra security.

[1:32:09] Yeah, like in the movie The Patriot, where they melt down the little toy soldiers into bullets.

[1:32:13] Into bullets, yeah, exactly.

[1:32:14] Or like the movie...

[1:32:15] That's the greatest movie in the world.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:18] According to my dad, it is, because the costumes are very realistic.

[1:32:21] Okay.

[1:32:21] My dad judges movies based on how historically accurate the costumes are in his mind, and how accurately

[1:32:28] it shows how battles were done in the past.

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:30] Mm-hmm.

[1:32:31] My dad is exactly the same way.

[1:32:33] Any movie where people...

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:34] Two towers isn't as good, because the siege warfare isn't super accurate.

[1:32:39] Any movie where two armies just stand and shoot at each other and don't move around very much,

[1:32:44] my dad loves.

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:45] Yeah.

[1:32:45] Zulu Dawn is the best movie in the world, according to my dad.

[1:32:48] Hmm.

[1:32:48] Interesting.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:50] Well, this has been Dad Talk, I guess.

[1:32:53] We gave our Dad Talks.

[1:32:55] Mm-hmm.

[1:32:55] It's the annual Dad Talk Conference.

[1:32:57] Mm-hmm.

[1:32:57] Uh, so tune in next week when Elliot and Stuart's dads will be hosting the show.

[1:33:03] What's the best kind of lunch, Elliot?

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:04] My dad's got a lot of thoughts about that.

[1:33:07] Hey, what town...

[1:33:07] What's wrong with this generation?

[1:33:09] What town are you from?

[1:33:11] Because my dad's probably been there, and we'll tell you what restaurant he's eaten in,

[1:33:14] and what he thought of it.

[1:33:15] Did he buy anything in a store in that town?

[1:33:17] You'll find out.

Dan McCoy

[1:33:19] Uh, but until...

[1:33:20] That's just a teaser.

[1:33:22] Until then, I've been Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:25] I'm still Stuart Wellington.

[1:33:28] Every time I check, I'm Elliot Kalin, no matter how hard I hope it changes.

[1:33:31] Good night, everyone.

[1:33:33] Peace.

[1:33:35] Peace.

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:39] It's just a stupid podcast we do.

[1:33:41] Yeah, come on, man.

[1:33:42] Who cares?

[1:33:42] Hey, eat a dick.

[1:33:44] Wait, what?

[1:33:46] Uh, how are you gonna...

[1:33:50] How are you doing on this, uh, plot summary?

[1:33:53] Do you know some of the reasons why things are happening?

[1:33:56] Yeah.

[1:33:57] Because a lot of things don't make...

[1:33:58] In the world.

[1:33:58] In a world where things happen.

[1:34:02] What's Syria?

[1:34:05] Oh.

[1:34:06] Dad, what was Vietnam?

Dan McCoy

[1:34:08] Remember that?

[1:34:10] Wait, was that a commercial?

[1:34:11] There was, like, a BSA when I was a kid.

[1:34:14] And I was like, what was Vietnam?

[1:34:15] I was like, fuck your children.

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:19] And he's like, but Dan, I don't have children.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:21] Talk to your children about Vietnam, I guess?

[1:34:23] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:23] Yeah, I think there were a lot of questions about Vietnam back then.

[1:34:27] Well, they were teaching you just say no to Vietnams.

[1:34:29] Mm-hmm.

[1:34:30] Yeah.

[1:34:30] Kids, if you ever find that you're sending more and more military advisors to Southeast Asia...

[1:34:36] That was the...

[1:34:37] To protect French colonial interests, just say no.

[1:34:40] That was the thing.

[1:34:40] It was a PSA for Henry Kissinger, specifically.

[1:34:44] It was made for by people to get Henry Kissinger to talk to his kids.

[1:34:49] I don't understand why.

[1:34:51] Why'd you do these things?

[1:34:53] I learned it from watching you, Dad.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:56] HomeFun.org.

[1:34:58] Comedy and culture.

[1:34:59] Artist owned.

[1:35:00] Listener supported.

[1:35:01] Hi, I'm Brian Safi.

[1:35:02] And I'm Erin Gibson.

[1:35:03] And we host the Throwing Shade podcast.

[1:35:05] On Throwing Shade, we look at an issue important to ladies and an issue important to gay people,

[1:35:09] and then we basically make fun of it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:10] Yeah.

[1:35:11] And just to answer your question, no, we don't have a marriage pact,

[1:35:14] that if we don't get married by the time we're 30, we're going to do that for each other.

[1:35:18] No, that's true.

Dan McCoy

[1:35:18] Although we have each been divorced three times.

Ep. #192 - Chappie

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