Ep. #196 - Aloha

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss aloha.

[0:04] Hello.

[0:06] Goodbye.

[0:30] Hey, everyone.

[0:34] Welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:35] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:37] Hello.

Elliott Kalan

[0:38] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:39] And I'm Elliot Kalin, coming to you live.

[0:44] On tape.

[0:44] That's not true.

[0:45] Okay, well, there you go.

[0:46] I'm not dead.

[0:46] You fixed it.

[0:47] Yet.

[0:48] Oh.

[0:48] Unless when you're listening to this, I'll have died already.

[0:51] It's far in the future, hopefully.

[0:52] In which case, find my killer.

[0:53] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[0:55] All right, it's Stuart.

Stuart Wellington

[0:56] Oh, that was easy.

[0:57] It was me.

[0:57] You found me.

[0:58] Why'd you do it, Stu?

[0:59] Why'd you do it?

[1:00] Well, it all goes back to the tale of the missing diamond.

[1:07] Not the most original or imaginative name for the tale, I guess.

[1:11] It's an old story.

[1:12] It was the first time a diamond was missing.

Dan McCoy

[1:15] Every other diamond story.

[1:16] I like that it wasn't stolen.

[1:18] It was just missing.

[1:19] It was missing.

[1:19] Like it dropped on the floor and someone vacuumed it up.

[1:22] Went through the wash.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22] This was before floors existed.

Dan McCoy

[1:25] What?

[1:25] It just fell to the center of the earth?

[1:27] The dawn of time.

[1:28] It just kept zooming back and forth in the earth until it finally settled in the earth's

[1:33] floor.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33] Just one thing, Mr. Wellington.

[1:35] You say this was the dawn of time, but it was a diamond.

[1:38] Wouldn't it take millions of years to turn anything into a diamond?

[1:42] So how could there be one at the dawn of time?

Stuart Wellington

[1:45] I don't know.

[1:46] I think I saw a mag man running around with it.

[1:48] That makes sense.

[1:49] That makes sense.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49] You're probably right.

[1:50] Okay.

[1:50] One more question.

[1:52] What?

Stuart Wellington

[1:53] Because it's in the center of the earth.

[1:55] That's where the magma men live.

[1:56] I like that.

[1:57] Columbo's famous catchphrase.

Elliott Kalan

[2:00] What?

[2:04] A murderer say what?

[2:06] What?

[2:06] Case closed.

[2:08] Take him away.

[2:09] Take him away, boys.

[2:10] Sergeant.

[2:11] We can't use that in court.

[2:13] He's a sergeant?

[2:14] Yeah.

[2:14] Sergeant Columbo.

[2:15] Lieutenant.

[2:15] I didn't know that.

[2:16] Oh, he's Lieutenant Columbo.

[2:18] Oh, I apologize.

[2:19] Yeah, that guy.

[2:20] You busted him down.

[2:21] Yeah, that guy needs some merits.

[2:22] Hey, Bustin makes me feel good.

[2:25] What can I say?

[2:27] So, Dan, what do we do on the Flophouse?

Dan McCoy

[2:29] This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[2:32] And tonight, we watched a movie.

[2:34] Did we?

[2:35] I'm still not quite sure that we did.

[2:38] Aloha.

[2:39] Hello?

[2:39] Directed by.

[2:40] Hello?

[2:42] Hello?

[2:42] Ahoy.

[2:43] Ahoy, McCoy.

[2:44] Ahoy, McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[2:45] Ahoy, McCoy.

[2:47] A popular sea captain.

[2:50] He's the children's character.

Dan McCoy

[2:51] Yeah, a popular sea captain.

Elliott Kalan

[2:54] He's the sea captain who's always saying hello to people.

[2:57] Ahoy, McCoy.

[2:58] That's what makes him so popular.

Dan McCoy

[3:00] He's not a crusty old salt like most sea captains.

[3:04] Very friendly and open.

[3:05] If anything, a little too open.

Stuart Wellington

[3:06] Yeah, he's a soft, silky salt.

Dan McCoy

[3:09] He keeps telling me.

[3:10] He's a silky?

[3:10] He keeps asking me if I want to come down to the docks and scrape off some barnacles.

[3:14] And I get creeped out.

[3:16] I think he's talking literally, but I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[3:20] Nobody knows, because no one's ever taken him up on the offer.

[3:22] He's got the most barnacle-encrusted ship on the dock.

Stuart Wellington

[3:26] Some say there's a ship beneath all them barnacles.

Elliott Kalan

[3:29] The weird thing, the dock that his boat is tied up to?

[3:32] Doc Hollywood.

[3:32] No kidding.

[3:34] The first time as a kid that I ever saw an erotic cake.

[3:38] It was Doc Hollywood.

[3:39] Yeah, because they gave him a boob-shaped cake or something, because he's a plastic surgeon.

[3:43] Yeah.

[3:44] Is his last name Hollywood?

[3:46] It has to be.

[3:49] And his first name's Doc.

[3:50] He's not a doctor.

[3:52] Yeah, it's like the dwarf.

[3:54] Anyway.

[3:55] The dwarf.

[3:56] Oh.

[3:57] Not dwarf.

[3:58] Oh, I thought you said dwarf, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[3:59] I probably did.

[4:00] I still don't understand why you said it.

[4:01] I don't know if you've noticed this, but I have a habit of mispronouncing things.

Elliott Kalan

[4:04] I don't believe that.

[4:05] Really?

[4:05] Sometimes slightly, sometimes drastically.

Dan McCoy

[4:07] Old Ahoy McCoy.

[4:10] So, we watched Aloha.

[4:13] Hello.

[4:14] This is what derailed us the first time.

[4:16] It's a movie by Cameron Crowe.

[4:19] Mm-hmm.

[4:20] Yeah.

[4:21] He of Say Anything.

[4:22] The Crow.

[4:24] Jeremy McGuire.

[4:24] The Crow.

Elliott Kalan

[4:25] Cameron in Ferris Bueller's Day Off.

[4:27] Yeah.

[4:28] Vanilla Sky.

[4:30] He did, we bought a zoo.

[4:31] We bought a zoo.

[4:32] We sold a zoo.

[4:34] Why do we have that zoo anyway?

[4:36] And then the trequel, which is the third movie in the series, which was called, remember when we had that zoo?

[4:41] That was weird.

[4:42] It was weird.

[4:43] The movie.

[4:44] Rated R.

Stuart Wellington

[4:45] He also made.

[4:46] For hardcore nudity.

[4:49] He wrote.

[4:50] He made a movie called Say Anything.

[4:53] The Elliot Kalin Story.

[4:55] Hello.

Elliott Kalan

[4:56] You got me.

[4:58] And he wrote Fast Times at Rigmont Hig.

[5:01] Mm-hmm.

[5:02] Almost famous.

Dan McCoy

[5:04] Fam-moos.

[5:07] About a mouse that went on tour with a rock band.

Elliott Kalan

[5:11] Oh, Archie.

[5:12] That rock band?

[5:12] Modest Mouse.

Stuart Wellington

[5:13] Almost went on tour.

[5:15] Yeah.

[5:16] Almost.

[5:16] He was turned away at the border.

Elliott Kalan

[5:18] Yeah, because he's at the border of what?

[5:20] Catsylvania?

[5:20] Yeah.

[5:21] Yeah, that's right.

[5:22] So Cameron Crowe.

[5:23] The Catskills.

[5:24] Come on.

[5:25] Catskills.

[5:26] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[5:27] So Cameron Crowe's made a lot of movies.

[5:29] Yeah.

[5:29] He's, well.

[5:31] How does this one?

[5:31] It seemed like he could do no wrong up until a certain.

[5:34] Elizabeth Town.

[5:34] A certain point.

[5:35] Yeah, Elizabeth Town was that point.

Elliott Kalan

[5:36] That point was Elizabeth Town.

[5:38] Did he do, I get him mixed up with Richard Linklater sometimes.

[5:42] Yeah.

[5:42] And I start thinking that Cameron Crowe made School of Rock and the Newton Boys.

[5:45] No.

[5:46] He didn't make those.

[5:46] No.

[5:46] Richard Linklater made those.

Stuart Wellington

[5:48] Yeah.

[5:48] Do you ever think that Cameron Crowe made A Scanner Darkly or Waking Life?

[5:52] Yeah, I do.

Elliott Kalan

[5:53] I do indeed.

[5:54] And sometimes I think he made Slacker.

[5:56] Mm-hmm.

[5:56] And sometimes I think he made Boyhood.

[5:59] Mm-hmm.

[5:59] And sometimes I think he made Pie, which is a Darren Aronofsky movie.

[6:03] Yeah.

[6:03] It's crazy.

[6:03] It's not even a Richard Linklater movie.

[6:06] Sometimes I think he made.

Stuart Wellington

[6:07] Is it because they all have really striking uses of popular music?

Elliott Kalan

[6:13] I think that's part of it.

[6:14] I think Richard Linklater and Cameron Crowe also do a certain type of film that I'm going

[6:17] to call character-focused, not necessarily plot-focused.

[6:22] And in this case of Aloha, I think that's how Cameron Crowe went a little too far astray.

[6:27] There's not a lot of plot in this movie.

[6:28] And then suddenly at the end, there's a lot of plot.

[6:31] And the characters are not particularly interesting.

[6:34] Well, here's something that I'm going to admit up front.

[6:36] Final judgments.

[6:37] I didn't like it.

[6:38] Dan?

Stuart Wellington

[6:39] Wow.

[6:40] I'm just going to.

[6:40] Aloha to you, too.

Dan McCoy

[6:42] I'm going to admit up front that, you know, contrary to what you may believe, this may

[6:48] shock the average Flophouse listener.

[6:51] But we are not.

[6:52] We're a first-time listener.

[6:53] We are not paying full attention to these movies.

[6:55] We may.

[6:56] Here's the thing.

[6:57] I feel like it's up to the movie to grab our attention and engage us.

Elliott Kalan

[7:01] And this movie, from the first moments, failed to do that.

Stuart Wellington

[7:04] Yeah.

[7:04] The movie didn't take away my phone or Dan's cat that was sitting on my lap.

Dan McCoy

[7:08] No.

[7:09] But the reason I bring this up is because I feel like most movies we watch are bad in

[7:14] a way that they're still easy to follow.

[7:16] Sure.

[7:17] Like, they're so simple-minded that we can just, you know, we know what's happening because

[7:22] we've seen movies before.

[7:24] This movie.

[7:25] We have.

[7:26] Is.

[7:27] The problem with it is it's so dialogue-driven.

[7:30] It's all just banter.

[7:32] And if you miss some of that banter, you're kind of like, what?

[7:35] What?

[7:36] Why is?

[7:36] What?

[7:37] Who?

Elliott Kalan

[7:38] Why is this happening?

[7:39] Well, for me, there's not a lot of markers as to what's going on at any point.

[7:42] Yeah.

[7:43] But even dialogue-wise.

[7:43] And the plot doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

[7:45] No.

[7:46] And even dialogue-wise, it's weak.

[7:48] Like, they don't explain things when they should.

Stuart Wellington

[7:48] Why don't they just keep describing their personalities to each other over and over?

Elliott Kalan

[7:52] The characters do a lot of, exactly, explaining their personalities without managing to really

[7:56] explain who they are or what they're doing at the same time.

[7:59] Let's.

[7:59] Should we get into the plot of the time on it?

[8:01] Yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[8:02] Let's get into the meat of these potatoes.

Elliott Kalan

[8:05] Because they're, what, jacket potatoes we got in Scotland and they sort of hollowed them out and

[8:09] with meat?

[8:09] That's right.

Stuart Wellington

[8:10] That sounds delicious.

Elliott Kalan

[8:11] They do that?

[8:11] Oh, you never had?

[8:12] Oh, it's great.

[8:12] Okay.

[8:13] It's actually fantastic.

[8:14] Okay.

[8:14] Let's hurry this up so I can go get some jacket potatoes.

[8:16] You can go to Edinburgh and get some jacket potatoes.

Dan McCoy

[8:19] I can have a Scotch egg to wash it down.

[8:21] Is that the same thing?

[8:22] Yeah, good stuff.

[8:22] Not really.

[8:23] Like an egg encased in sausage encased in fried.

[8:28] That sounds delicious.

Elliott Kalan

[8:29] Let's, yeah, let's wrap this up.

[8:30] Look, I've long said Scotland has maybe the best cuisine of any country.

[8:33] It's all fried meat.

[8:34] You are largely alone in that.

[8:36] The Scots agree with me.

[8:37] That's true.

[8:38] That's why they have the highest rate of heart disease in Europe.

[8:40] But anyway, science fact.

[8:41] Sad, really.

[8:43] This movie is about characters.

[8:45] Interesting characters like Bradley Cooper.

[8:49] Hey.

[8:49] The people of Hawaii.

[8:50] Remember him from Limitless and, what, Valentine's Day?

[8:54] And My Little Eye.

[8:55] What is that?

Dan McCoy

[8:56] That's what most people know.

Stuart Wellington

[8:57] He's in My Little Eye where he plays a creepo.

[9:00] I don't remember that movie.

[9:01] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[9:01] Yeah.

[9:02] Bradley Cooper from The A-Team.

[9:05] He was in that, though.

[9:06] No, it's true.

[9:07] That was a big movie.

[9:08] I'm just saying that, like, I, you know, I feel like this late day.

[9:11] What about American Summer?

[9:12] You know, or First Day of Class or whatever that show was.

[9:15] And listen to that TV show that he was in.

[9:17] Was there one?

Elliott Kalan

[9:18] Like a silver.

[9:19] Alias.

[9:19] Yeah, Alias.

Dan McCoy

[9:20] Pointed him out for, like, a Silver Linings playbook or something.

[9:22] Or even, like, a Guardians of the Galaxy.

[9:24] You wouldn't, you know, you wouldn't go for some of these.

Stuart Wellington

[9:28] Who was he in Guardians of the Galaxy?

[9:28] Right.

[9:29] He's Rocket Raccoon.

[9:30] He's in the suit.

[9:31] The fursuit.

[9:32] He's in the suit.

Elliott Kalan

[9:33] He's in the CGI fursuit.

[9:36] I forgot that he did the voice of Rocket Raccoon.

[9:38] What about Rocky Raccoon?

[9:39] Did he do that voice?

[9:40] Or is that Paul McCartney?

Stuart Wellington

[9:41] He probably could, man.

[9:42] He's a Renaissance man.

Elliott Kalan

[9:43] He is a Renaissance raccoon.

[9:45] He's a raccoon-a-sance man.

[9:46] Just like Leonardo da Rodent.

[9:48] Through the late Renaissance.

[9:50] Yeah.

[9:50] And they were like, you're a raccoon?

[9:52] What?

[9:52] We don't even know what raccoons are.

[9:54] That's a new world animal.

[9:55] We haven't discovered you yet.

[9:56] And he was like, yes, you have.

[9:58] That was 1492, dudes.

[9:59] Anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[10:00] Look at my sketchbooks filled with drawings of my elaborate bone structure.

[10:05] And flying machines that won't work.

Dan McCoy

[10:07] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[10:08] Yeah.

[10:08] Take that Leonardo da Vinci.

[10:10] Yeah.

[10:10] Dummy.

Dan McCoy

[10:11] Good job, dummy.

[10:13] With your flying machines.

[10:14] That's not how it works.

[10:17] Yeah.

[10:17] Why don't you fucking figure out the Bernoulli principle and maybe it'll get close, you dumbass.

[10:21] I mean, did he?

[10:22] Is that a thing you figured out?

[10:23] No.

[10:24] I'm just, no.

[10:24] I'm saying that if he did, maybe he would know.

[10:26] Oh, okay.

[10:27] He's got to fucking study the structure of bird's wings, you jackass.

[10:32] Fuck you.

[10:33] Wow.

[10:34] Wow.

[10:35] Dan.

[10:35] Dan, calm down, Dan.

[10:37] Elliot, hold him back.

[10:39] I got a lot of anger about this.

Elliott Kalan

[10:41] Leo, Leo, Leonardo, just go home.

[10:43] The listeners can't see this, but Leonardo da Vinci is in the corner right now going like,

[10:46] what?

[10:47] What did I do?

[10:48] Me?

[10:48] What's the problem with me?

[10:49] Dan, I thought we were a pass.

[10:51] That's why I come about to hear you recording a podcast.

Dan McCoy

[10:54] You go the fuck away, Leonardo.

Elliott Kalan

[10:55] Should I not make my award-winning pizza for you?

[10:58] No, please make that and leave it here.

[11:01] It's called Vitruvian Pies.

[11:06] All right.

[11:08] I invented that song.

[11:09] You know that?

[11:10] Because I'm a Renaissance man.

Dan McCoy

[11:12] Hey, I make a painting for you.

[11:16] A real nice.

[11:17] A real nice.

Elliott Kalan

[11:17] The lady should smile a little bit.

[11:18] You not know why.

Stuart Wellington

[11:21] So that's how we-

[11:21] Oh, you're loving this painting.

[11:22] That's how we sold the Mona Lisa.

Elliott Kalan

[11:25] Michael Angel is like, I tell you what, this is ceiling looking too blank.

[11:29] I put two big guys, one with a beard, one no beard, no clothes.

Dan McCoy

[11:33] Michael Angel, we just want a blue, like a sky blue ceiling.

Elliott Kalan

[11:36] I use that.

[11:37] Okay.

[11:38] You're not going to blue.

[11:39] I put a blue in it.

[11:40] But a lot of other things.

[11:41] Hey, that's a good boss.

[11:42] I illustrate a bunch of Bible things for you.

[11:45] Da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

[11:46] Leonardo says he invented that song.

[11:48] I invented that song.

Stuart Wellington

[11:49] Hey, Michael Angel, are you the guy who made that statue, that guy with his dick that fell off?

[11:53] His dick that fell off.

Elliott Kalan

[11:56] It was called a castle of freak, the statue.

[12:00] Anyway, dudes, I got to go to a party.

[12:02] Cowabunga pizza.

[12:03] I like what I like, you know.

Dan McCoy

[12:04] Da-da-da-da-da.

Elliott Kalan

[12:05] A lot of people don't know that Michelangelo the Ninja Turtle's personality was based on Michelangelo the artist.

[12:10] It's amazing you finished the Sistine Chapel with all that partying.

[12:12] Hey, a cowabunga for you, huh?

[12:14] That's a good raspliner.

[12:16] Anyway, so-

Stuart Wellington

[12:16] I think he painted that whole ceiling using nunchaku.

Elliott Kalan

[12:20] So, Bradley Cooper, he is with, he used to be with the military.

[12:26] Now he's a contractor for a billionaire played by Bill Murray.

[12:31] He is, has been sent to Hawaii where he is, where he was before and he knows people there.

[12:38] Yeah.

[12:38] In fact, his old flame, Rachel McAdams, who is now married to John Krasinski playing the part of Woody, the Air Force pilot.

[12:44] Not from Toy Story.

[12:45] Not Woody from Toy Story.

[12:47] This is a different Woody.

[12:48] It's not Woody from Cheers.

[12:49] It's not Woody, like Woodrow Wilson being called that by his friends.

[12:53] It's just a different guy named Woody.

Dan McCoy

[12:55] And he's like, he got into, like, it's alluded to, he got into some bad shit in Afghanistan.

[13:00] I mean, he talks about it later on.

Elliott Kalan

[13:02] Yeah, but like-

[13:03] He talks about it up front that he got injured.

[13:05] He got injured, yeah.

[13:05] There's a voiceover where he explains how he got injured in the leg.

[13:08] This injury doesn't really seem to slow him down and he kind of forgets about it for most of the movie.

Dan McCoy

[13:12] Yeah, but also, like, it seems like what happened to him, I mean, I probably missed something.

[13:17] So, I didn't want to talk with too much authority.

[13:19] But it just seems like the bad thing that happened to him was just that, like, oh, a bomb went off and he got injured.

Elliott Kalan

[13:23] Well, but also, and he lost the love of his life for Rachel McAdams.

Dan McCoy

[13:27] And it also-

[13:27] His life seems like, even though he has a-

Stuart Wellington

[13:29] It was also tied in with him being, like, what, morally questionable.

[13:33] Because he was skimming money off the top of his employer.

Elliott Kalan

[13:35] Yes, which I don't remember if we find out at the beginning.

[13:38] But later on, he talks about how he was stealing money from-

[13:41] That'd be tough for you to reveal up front and have sympathy for him immediately.

[13:45] I would kind of-

[13:45] Like, he's got all these babes on his hands.

[13:47] Well, he has two, but I'd kind of-

[13:49] That's all.

[13:49] That's a lot.

[13:49] He only has two hands.

[13:51] Yeah.

[13:51] Yeah, he has a-

[13:52] Tiny babes on his hands.

[13:53] He has a rare disorder where sexy babes are growing out of his hands.

Dan McCoy

[13:57] They're like a tiny ballerina from Eraserhead.

[14:00] They just live on his hands.

[14:02] I guess you could call her a ballerina.

Elliott Kalan

[14:03] I'd call her, like, a radiator fairy.

[14:05] Yeah, well, you know.

[14:06] Yeah, she's-

[14:07] With big cheeks.

Dan McCoy

[14:08] She's his entertainer.

[14:08] Let's call her that.

[14:09] Look, in heaven, everything is fine, okay?

Elliott Kalan

[14:12] Everything is great.

[14:13] What does she say to that song?

Dan McCoy

[14:15] Everything is fine, because you got your good things and I've got mine.

[14:18] It's a haunting song.

Elliott Kalan

[14:19] Anyway, that's a better movie.

[14:21] Can we talk about Eraserhead?

[14:22] Sure.

[14:22] That's, in some ways, a more romantic and affecting movie than this one.

Dan McCoy

[14:26] You know, David Lynch never did tell us how he did that baby effect.

[14:30] Oh, he mutilated a baby.

Elliott Kalan

[14:32] Oh, really?

[14:32] Yeah, yeah.

[14:33] All right.

[14:34] Yeah.

[14:34] That baby grew up to be Bradley Cooper.

Dan McCoy

[14:38] What?

[14:38] Which brings us to Aloha.

Elliott Kalan

[14:40] So-

[14:40] Hello.

[14:41] He's-

[14:42] That's Stuart's fit.

[14:44] So he's come to-

[14:44] He's returned to-

[14:45] You can borrow it.

[14:46] He's returned to-

[14:46] I'll bring it back.

[14:47] I'll bring it back.

Stuart Wellington

[14:48] Just make sure that it's got a full tank when you bring it back.

Elliott Kalan

[14:51] A full tank called Yuck's Juice.

[14:54] He has come back to Hawaii to-

Stuart Wellington

[14:55] How come they haven't marketed a kid's drink called Yuck's Juice?

Elliott Kalan

[15:00] You got to take that idea and run with it.

[15:02] All the way to the garbage can and then throw it in there.

Stuart Wellington

[15:05] Throw it out.

[15:05] Yeah, that's what the package is called, the garbage can.

[15:09] The package that you get Yuck's Juice out of.

[15:11] It's shaped like a garbage can that you stick a straw in through the top.

[15:15] And then the stuff leaks out the bottom.

[15:19] Oh, like real garbage.

[15:20] Okay.

[15:21] So Bradley Cooper is there to-

[15:23] And then they get us to slurp it above the floor.

[15:26] Or off their hands.

[15:27] Terrible.

Elliott Kalan

[15:28] So-

[15:29] I don't like it at all.

[15:29] Bill Murray is building a-

[15:31] He is a billionaire who is launching-

[15:33] wants to launch a satellite to space, a private satellite,

[15:36] from a Hawaiian Air Force base.

[15:39] I think it's-

[15:40] Or maybe it's in the water or something.

[15:42] And he's building a pathway between two-

[15:45] or a gate between two bases.

[15:46] And Bradley Cooper's whole job

[15:48] is to be there to facilitate

[15:50] getting real Hawaiians to do a-

[15:54] a religious ceremony

[15:55] to bless this gateway.

Dan McCoy

[15:57] Because it seems like there's maybe some ancestral burial ground.

[16:02] There's some bones or something.

[16:03] There's bones that have to be moved.

[16:04] Yeah, they have to be relocated.

[16:06] They have to-

[16:06] Yeah.

[16:07] They have to be relocated.

Stuart Wellington

[16:08] So they can be-

[16:09] they can build their stargate.

[16:11] Is that what-

[16:11] that's made out of?

[16:12] Bones?

[16:13] No, but they're building a star-

[16:14] No, they're building literally a gate.

Elliott Kalan

[16:16] It's not a stargate.

[16:17] But they-

[16:17] They're talking about building a gate

Stuart Wellington

[16:18] and then they shoot something into space.

Elliott Kalan

[16:20] But not through the gate.

Dan McCoy

[16:22] You can still call it that, though.

[16:24] Although if you-

[16:25] Stuart's like,

[16:25] if you can call something a stargate,

[16:27] why wouldn't you call it a stargate?

Stuart Wellington

[16:29] If you go into Madrid,

[16:30] there's a place called the Puerta del Sol.

Elliott Kalan

[16:34] That's true.

[16:34] And the sun is not literally coming through that door.

Stuart Wellington

[16:36] Exactly.

[16:36] You don't travel through a magical portal

[16:38] and get to the sun,

[16:39] but you can call it that if you want.

Elliott Kalan

[16:41] I will say that they should need a stargate

[16:43] because like 2001's Monolith,

[16:46] my God, this movie's full of stars.

[16:48] Bradley Cooper, Emma Stone, Rachel McAdams,

[16:51] John Krasinski,

[16:52] John Krasinski, Alec Baldwin,

[16:54] Danny McBride, Bill Murray.

[16:58] Probably the ghost of Mickey Rooney

[17:00] is somewhere around there, you know?

[17:02] Yeah, this is-

[17:03] I was saying during the movie-

[17:03] Who wouldn't want to spend eternity in Hawaii?

[17:05] This is probably the most-

Dan McCoy

[17:06] Because that's what this movie feels like.

[17:07] The most wasted cast I've seen in a film.

Elliott Kalan

[17:10] Well, I don't know.

[17:11] What about like a movie

[17:13] where they're on drugs a lot of the time?

[17:14] That'd be a pretty wasted cast.

[17:16] Right.

[17:17] All right.

Dan McCoy

[17:17] Like what?

[17:18] Like the last movie or something like that?

[17:19] Yeah, yeah.

[17:20] Like Dennis Hopper's The Last Movie.

[17:21] All right.

[17:21] Sure.

[17:22] But yeah, this is a movie where you're like,

[17:25] oh, I like that person.

[17:27] That's not going to help me.

[17:28] That's not going to help me enjoy this movie anymore.

[17:30] No, you're hoping that their charm

[17:31] will just carry you through that.

[17:33] The movie is like-

[17:33] In some cases,

[17:34] it works for a very short period of time in some cases.

Elliott Kalan

[17:37] I would say that this movie

[17:38] is roughly similar to

[17:39] bobbing in the ocean

[17:41] with no land around you

[17:42] on which to gain purchase.

[17:44] And every now and then,

[17:45] like a driftwood,

[17:46] piece of driftwood

[17:46] in the form of like an Emma Stone

[17:48] or a Bill Murray

[17:48] floats by

[17:49] and you can kind of like

[17:50] briefly scramble onto it

[17:52] to catch your breath

[17:53] and then it slips out from under you

[17:55] and you fall into the sea again

[17:56] and you're just treading water

[17:56] trying to figure out

[17:57] what the hell is going on in this movie.

[18:00] So Bradley Cooper's there

[18:00] to arrange this religious ceremony.

[18:02] He sees his ex,

[18:03] Rachel McAdams,

[18:04] who's married to Woody.

[18:05] And she's still banging.

[18:07] And the,

[18:07] I guess,

[18:08] military liaison

[18:09] that's attached to him

[18:10] to kind of guide him through

[18:11] is Emma Stone

[18:12] who mentions many times

[18:13] that she is a quarter Hawaiian

[18:15] and a quarter Chinese.

[18:17] And it's something that...

[18:19] And 100% Caucasian.

[18:21] I mean,

[18:22] in real life,

[18:22] yeah.

[18:24] She,

[18:25] even at one point

[18:26] she mentions

[18:26] that she's a quarter Hawaiian,

[18:28] a quarter Chinese

[18:28] and a half Swedish

[18:29] or Swiss.

[18:30] And even that kind of implies like,

[18:32] but of course

[18:33] the superior genes won out

[18:35] and I look blonde and white.

[18:37] There's a very,

[18:38] there's like,

[18:39] there was a lot of negative publicity

[18:41] when the movie came out

[18:42] about casting

[18:43] a clearly Caucasian actress

[18:44] to be a half

[18:45] Asian Hawaiian character.

[18:49] And I found that

[18:50] it did,

[18:51] it bothered me

[18:51] in that

[18:52] the fact that she doesn't look

[18:54] Hawaiian or Asian

[18:55] should be more of her character

[18:58] than it is.

[18:59] Like,

[19:00] she seems to be

[19:01] pretty much at peace

[19:03] with who,

[19:03] with how she looks.

[19:05] And another thing that's weird

[19:06] is that

[19:06] she's presented

[19:07] on the first scene

[19:08] as the kind of like

[19:09] all business,

[19:10] military discipline,

[19:11] like,

[19:12] this is the person

[19:12] who's no nonsense.

[19:14] And then every other scene

[19:15] after that,

[19:15] she's like,

[19:16] super chill,

[19:17] just wants to,

[19:18] just wants to kick back.

[19:20] Like,

[19:20] it's like the movie,

[19:22] it's like,

[19:23] in between shooting scenes,

[19:24] she and Cameron Crowe

[19:25] talked about the character

[19:26] and changed their conception of it,

[19:27] but didn't do anything

[19:28] to address that.

Dan McCoy

[19:30] Now,

[19:30] can I,

[19:31] uh,

[19:31] say a little something about,

[19:33] Is it gonna get us in trouble?

[19:34] Yes.

[19:35] No,

[19:35] can I say a little something

[19:36] about Cameron Crowe

[19:37] and,

[19:38] uh,

[19:38] and you don't care

[19:39] who knows it?

[19:40] Men and women

[19:40] relationships in his movies.

[19:42] Yeah.

[19:43] Because,

[19:43] um,

[19:44] I believe that it was

[19:46] after Elizabethtown,

[19:47] I may be wrong,

[19:48] that Nathan Rabin,

[19:49] our friend Nathan Rabin,

[19:51] coined the phrase

[19:52] Manic Pixie Dream Girl.

[19:53] I thought,

[19:53] I think it was off of that.

Elliott Kalan

[19:54] Elizabethtown,

[19:55] or was it,

Dan McCoy

[19:57] maybe it was Elizabethtown.

[19:58] No,

[19:58] I think it was Elizabethtown.

[20:00] And,

[20:00] the thing about

[20:01] the classic Manic Pixie Dream Girl

[20:03] is that they have,

[20:05] Maybe we can just look it up,

[20:05] but,

[20:06] they've got,

[20:06] no,

[20:06] I'm too lazy.

[20:07] we're not gonna do that.

[20:08] I'm not even gonna edit this

[20:09] if I find out I'm wrong afterwards.

[20:11] But,

[20:12] um,

[20:12] the thing about the classic

[20:13] Manic Pixie Dream Girl

[20:14] is she does not have

[20:15] any inner life of her own.

[20:17] She's there to

[20:18] help

[20:18] the

[20:19] male protagonist,

[20:21] like,

[20:21] self-actualize

[20:22] in some way.

Elliott Kalan

[20:23] She's like the Virgil

[20:23] to his Dante.

[20:24] Yeah.

[20:25] Just to class up this shit

[20:26] for a moment.

Dan McCoy

[20:28] And,

[20:28] like,

[20:28] that was totally true

[20:29] in Elizabethtown.

[20:30] Like,

[20:30] she's like,

[20:30] oh,

[20:30] this is a crazy,

[20:31] like,

[20:31] lady's coming in

[20:32] and she's gonna

[20:33] fix this broken guy.

[20:35] And,

[20:35] it's also true.

[20:36] it wasn't Garden State.

[20:38] It could be Garden State.

[20:39] Oh.

[20:39] It could be Garden State.

[20:41] It might have been Garden State.

[20:42] Otherwise known as

Elliott Kalan

[20:42] Elizabethtown Mark I.

[20:44] No thank you.

[20:47] No thank you.

[20:48] Leonardo da Vinci

[20:49] come back in.

Dan McCoy

[20:50] Also known as,

[20:51] yeah,

[20:51] Elizabethtown

[20:52] directed by Zach Braff.

[20:54] Yeah.

[20:54] but,

[20:54] um,

[20:55] except Garden State

[20:55] came first.

[20:56] Yeah,

[20:56] but so this,

[20:57] this also,

[20:58] Hot Shot First.

[20:59] And the movie he shot

[20:59] was Garden State.

[21:00] This also,

[21:00] Hot Shot First?

[21:02] Hot Shot First.

[21:02] Hot Shots Part First.

Elliott Kalan

[21:04] That would have been a great title

[21:06] for Hot Shots.

[21:07] Considering.

Dan McCoy

[21:08] Um,

[21:08] so this is,

Stuart Wellington

[21:09] considering the direction

[21:10] the series went.

Dan McCoy

[21:11] But this is definitely,

[21:12] in that they added a part two.

[21:14] This is definitely in that vein

[21:15] in that we,

[21:16] like,

[21:16] Bradley Cooper is introduced to us,

[21:18] like,

[21:19] the movie just,

[21:19] like,

[21:19] basically tells us

[21:20] this is a broken man.

[21:21] It doesn't really show us.

[21:22] But he never seems broken.

[21:23] I mean,

[21:23] she says he is.

Elliott Kalan

[21:25] Yeah.

[21:25] She tells him,

[21:26] there's a scene where she's like,

[21:27] you're so cynical.

[21:28] And then she,

[21:29] earlier she's talking about him

[21:30] to somebody else

[21:30] and he overhears him

[21:31] and she's like,

[21:31] he's like this wounded guy,

[21:33] so,

[21:34] such a wreck.

[21:35] And you're like,

[21:35] I have not seen that in him.

Stuart Wellington

[21:37] Like,

[21:37] the second scene in the movie

[21:38] is her reporting to somebody

[21:40] and he's listening in

[21:42] and she's basically

[21:43] just describing his character

[21:44] and he's like,

[21:45] what?

[21:46] But he's listening.

[21:47] And she might as well be like,

Dan McCoy

[21:47] he's so sexily broken.

[21:50] Yeah.

[21:50] Oh,

[21:51] the brokenness in it

[21:52] is something that I've got to fix.

[21:53] Yeah,

[21:54] with my vagina.

[21:56] And her,

[21:56] I don't know,

[21:57] zest for life.

[21:58] Yeah.

[21:59] Sure.

[21:59] She has a lot of zest.

[22:00] She's zestfully clean.

Elliott Kalan

[22:02] But,

[22:02] but,

[22:02] I mean,

[22:03] like,

[22:03] this is just a,

[22:04] like,

[22:04] this is.

[22:05] And here's the thing.

[22:05] Bradley Cooper

[22:06] can play broken characters.

[22:08] Silver Linings Playbook,

[22:09] he does a very good job of that.

[22:10] Yeah,

[22:10] but in that case,

[22:11] he does not.

Dan McCoy

[22:12] I feel like both of the characters

[22:13] have a little more going on.

[22:15] I wish he had a cane.

Elliott Kalan

[22:17] Yeah.

[22:18] I mean,

[22:18] he should have the cane.

[22:19] Michael Caine.

[22:20] That,

[22:21] like,

[22:21] you know.

[22:22] Hello,

[22:23] Bradley.

[22:23] You know,

Dan McCoy

[22:24] Bradley.

[22:25] Would you please not lean on me so much?

Elliott Kalan

[22:28] I'm here for you,

[22:29] but.

[22:30] It's,

[22:30] it's hard to buy you as a character

[22:32] with real problems

[22:33] when you don't seem to have any.

[22:34] If you could just even,

[22:35] like,

[22:35] grimace every now and then,

[22:37] you know.

Stuart Wellington

[22:37] Hey guys,

[22:38] it's me,

[22:38] Bradley Cooper.

[22:39] Michael Caine.

[22:40] Why won't I,

[22:41] you let me lean on you,

[22:42] buddy?

[22:44] That's perfect.

[22:45] Wait,

[22:45] are you still doing Michael Caine?

[22:46] I don't know what's going on here anymore.

[22:47] Oh,

Dan McCoy

[22:47] you're my favorite.

[22:48] I love billion dollar brain.

[22:50] I just wanted to,

[22:51] I wanted to get back to my original point

[22:53] because I actually have,

[22:53] like,

[22:54] I think,

[22:55] an interesting point about Cameron Crowe.

[22:57] Okay,

[22:57] let's do it.

Elliott Kalan

[22:58] Let's not be silly for a moment.

[22:59] Which is like.

[23:01] Sorry.

[23:02] Sorry.

[23:02] Okay,

[23:02] this moment.

Dan McCoy

[23:03] But like,

[23:03] this character Emma Stone plays

[23:05] doesn't have like,

[23:05] really much agency herself.

[23:07] As charming as she is,

[23:08] she's just there to like,

[23:09] fix the main character.

[23:10] And Cameron Crowe has done

[23:12] more interesting love stories

[23:14] in the past.

[23:15] Sure.

[23:16] I think that Jerry Maguire works better than this.

Elliott Kalan

[23:19] The story of a super successful agent

[23:20] who continues to be successful

[23:22] and then gets a girl.

Stuart Wellington

[23:23] Yeah.

[23:23] Somebody shows him the money.

Dan McCoy

[23:27] To some degree,

[23:28] like,

[23:28] that's still a woman there

[23:30] who's there to fix a broken man,

[23:32] but it works.

Elliott Kalan

[23:33] Who's also not particularly broken.

[23:34] But Tom Cruise is better in that one

[23:36] at expressing that he's unhappy,

Dan McCoy

[23:37] at least.

[23:38] Yeah,

[23:38] and that movie works a little better

[23:40] because we spend a little more time

[23:41] with Renee Zewiger,

[23:42] so we get a little bit of an idea

[23:43] of who she might be as a person otherwise.

[23:46] And saying anything,

[23:47] you could argue that that's like

[23:48] about a manic pixie dream guy

[23:50] Yeah.

[23:51] who like comes and fixes a woman.

[23:52] Named John Mahoney.

[23:53] And that's,

[23:54] that makes it at least a little interesting

[23:56] because it's flipped.

[23:57] And I would say that

[23:58] the interesting thing about Vanilla Sky,

[24:00] a movie that a lot of people don't like,

[24:02] I actually kind of have a lot of affection for it,

[24:04] but I think that what's interesting

[24:05] about that movie is

[24:06] it's kind of an indictment

[24:08] of this sort of movie

[24:09] because Tom Cruise in that movie

[24:11] really like looks at women

[24:15] as something that are going to fix him

[24:17] or as like something external to him,

[24:19] some like object that he can like possess.

[24:22] And the whole fantasy that he goes through

[24:25] and like the science fiction fantasy

[24:26] that he goes through in that movie

[24:28] is his brain constructing a reality

[24:30] where this woman does come and fix him.

[24:32] And then reality is a total rejection of that.

[24:36] Spoiler alert.

[24:37] So I think that Cameron Crowe

[24:38] like has the capability

[24:39] to critique himself

[24:41] but he doesn't do it in this movie at all.

[24:44] That's all I wanted to say about that.

[24:46] Okay.

[24:46] We're getting back to our regular scheduled goofs now.

Stuart Wellington

[24:49] Do you think he had an idea

[24:51] and he lost his way

[24:52] due to like budget

[24:53] or pressure or whatever?

[24:55] Or do you think he was just like,

[24:57] I want to go on vacation in Hawaii?

Elliott Kalan

[24:59] You said the Adam Sandler method.

[25:00] Yes.

[25:01] I think he probably wanted to do a movie in that setting.

[25:05] There's a lot in it where characters talk about Hawaiian myths

[25:09] or there's a scene where they go to a place

[25:11] that actual native Hawaiians live

[25:14] and briefly talk about how Hawaii is.

[25:17] It feels kind of like when your dad just comes back

Stuart Wellington

[25:20] from his first trip to New Orleans

[25:21] and is like,

[25:22] I can't wait to tell you all about jazz

[25:24] that I'm super into now.

Elliott Kalan

[25:25] Or like my dad has taken a couple trips

[25:27] to China and Singapore now

[25:29] as part of his work

[25:30] and he comes back

[25:31] and like wants to tell me all about

[25:33] these amazing things

[25:34] he's learned about those countries,

[25:35] which is great,

[25:36] but it would be really irritating

[25:37] if he then made a movie

[25:40] telling me all about it

[25:41] as if he's the authority on it.

Dan McCoy

[25:43] But I'd be impressed.

[25:44] I'd be really impressed

[25:44] if your dad made a movie

[25:45] just to like teach you about it.

[25:46] Just if he could secure the financing,

[25:47] I'd be impressed.

[25:49] That's not a cheap thing to do.

[25:51] She'd be talking to his back.

[25:52] He's like,

[25:52] well, what's this movie about, Mr. Kalen?

[25:55] Well, I just want to teach my son

[25:57] something about it.

[25:57] I went to this really neat temple

Elliott Kalan

[25:59] in Singapore

[25:59] and I want to tell him

[26:00] all about the statues

[26:01] that were in there.

[26:02] So I'm going to make a movie.

[26:04] I've already got...

[26:04] Do the statues come to life?

[26:06] No, but they represent

[26:07] different gods, I think.

[26:08] Is this sort of a night

[26:09] in the museum sort of situation?

[26:10] It is daytime,

[26:11] not at a museum,

[26:12] but at a temple.

[26:13] But I did go to a museum

[26:14] and I do want to tell him

[26:15] about that too.

[26:16] So I guess, you know what?

[26:17] We'll make that part of it also.

[26:19] Anyway, so Zac Efron

[26:21] is already attached to Star.

[26:23] As the dad?

[26:24] As the...

[26:25] We're going to have to put

[26:26] some old age makeup,

[26:27] maybe a mustache.

[26:27] Who's playing the statues?

[26:28] Perfect.

[26:29] The statues are going to be played

[26:30] by all the original bangles.

[26:32] Oh, wow.

[26:33] The Cincinnati bangles?

[26:35] The original Cincinnati bangles.

[26:36] Even Boomer Esiason?

[26:37] The first ones.

[26:40] And one bangle tiger

[26:42] because there's more than one statue

[26:43] and one of the statues is a tiger.

Stuart Wellington

[26:44] But he's still wearing football pads.

Elliott Kalan

[26:46] Oh, yeah.

[26:46] Well, he's actually going to be played

[26:47] by Tony the Tiger

[26:48] in like a football themed commercial.

[26:49] Okay, great.

[26:51] He's actually...

[26:52] Don't believe the hype.

[26:53] He says that about himself.

[26:54] But he is actually just good.

[26:57] This is not Oscar material,

[26:59] but he gets the job done.

[27:02] Still old.

[27:03] Yeah.

[27:04] So there's a...

[27:06] I'll say it.

[27:06] Okay, I'm going to give you

[27:07] the shortest possible description

[27:09] of Aloha.

[27:10] Sure.

[27:10] A guy walks in.

[27:12] To a bar.

[27:13] He does at one point.

[27:15] He's here for this kind of

[27:16] small scale thing.

[27:18] He manages to get it

[27:19] by making a deal

[27:20] with some Hawaiian people

[27:21] who we almost never see

[27:23] again throughout the movie.

[27:24] He falls in love with Emma Stone.

[27:25] She falls in love with him.

[27:26] There's some tension

[27:27] between him and Rachel McAdams

[27:28] who he used to go out with

[27:30] and who was ready to marry him

[27:32] but the relationship fell apart.

[27:34] It turns out her daughter

[27:35] is actually his daughter

[27:36] and not Woody's daughter.

[27:38] What?

[27:38] And this causes trouble

[27:39] between Rachel McAdams

[27:40] and John Krasinski

[27:41] who are married.

[27:42] Their son is convinced

[27:43] that Bradley Cooper

[27:44] is Lono

[27:45] and a Hawaiian deity.

[27:48] Not Lobo,

[27:49] the DC character.

[27:50] The last Zornian?

[27:50] And not Lobo,

[27:52] the Hundred Bullets character.

[27:53] No, not Lono,

[27:54] the Hundred Bullets character.

[27:56] But he is alone

[27:57] and the name Lono

[27:58] sounds like alone.

[27:59] So I guess that's it.

[28:01] And Emma Stone

[28:02] and him fall in love.

[28:03] He reveals that he has

[28:04] two toes on one toe.

[28:05] And it's so gross.

[28:06] After a mishap

[28:07] in Afghanistan

[28:08] and he invented

[28:10] some kind of

[28:10] space sound pulse thing.

[28:12] that comes up later.

[28:15] It turns out

[28:15] they just do that

[28:16] gate ritual.

[28:17] Great.

[28:18] Probably solved.

[28:19] And gateway from the X-Men shows

[28:20] at one point.

[28:20] No flashback.

[28:21] Yeah.

[28:22] A guy just swinging around

[28:23] a, what are those called?

[28:26] I know.

[28:26] Like bolos?

[28:27] Yeah, sure.

[28:28] It's not actually gateway

[28:29] from the X-Men.

[28:31] Then there's,

[28:32] they're going to launch

[28:33] this ship

[28:34] which has a private satellite

[28:35] owned by Billy,

[28:36] I was going to say

[28:36] Billy Crystal,

[28:37] Bill Murray.

[28:38] It's owned by Billy Crystal.

[28:39] It's a satellite

[28:39] dedicated to broadcasting

[28:41] nothing but Mickey Mantle

[28:42] Yankees games.

[28:43] They're going to launch

[28:44] this satellite.

[28:45] I don't know what he's having.

[28:47] But because

[28:48] Rachel McAdams' son

[28:49] managed to videotape

[28:51] a top secret

[28:52] classified cargo,

[28:54] they find out

[28:55] there's also a

[28:56] nuke payload

[28:57] that's going to be

[28:57] on that satellite.

[28:58] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[28:59] This is an

[28:59] unexpected development

[29:00] in what seemed to be

[29:01] a Loki character study

[29:03] slash romance.

[29:04] Now, I would love

[29:05] to watch a Loki

[29:05] character study

Elliott Kalan

[29:06] or just Tom Hiddleston

[29:07] just kind of like,

[29:08] or Huddleston

[29:08] walking around

[29:10] being Loki

[29:11] like in his everyday life.

[29:13] The internet's going to rip

[29:13] his head off.

[29:14] Loki's head?

[29:15] He needs that.

[29:16] Not really.

[29:16] He's an Asgardian god.

[29:18] He'll just be a talking head.

Stuart Wellington

[29:19] Like David Byrne.

[29:21] Now Dan's interested.

[29:23] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[29:23] Probably more.

[29:25] Stop making so much sense, Elliot.

[29:26] I wish I could make any sense,

[29:28] but it's the Aloha screenplay.

[29:30] It's about to make

[29:31] even less sense.

[29:31] Hello.

[29:32] There's a Chinese hacker

[29:32] that's trying to get

[29:33] into the system.

[29:34] Bradley Cooper, I guess,

[29:35] is also a computer genius,

[29:36] so he defeats that hacker.

[29:38] And then...

[29:39] He explodes the satellite

[29:40] using the power of sound.

[29:42] He sees...

[29:43] The satellite launches

[29:44] and he sees that

[29:45] Emma Stone is sad

[29:46] and he promised the Hawaiians

[29:48] that there'd be no weapons

[29:49] on that satellite.

[29:50] And so, yeah,

[29:51] he uses a sonic pulse

[29:52] made up of sound effects

[29:53] from other Bill Murray movies,

[29:55] among other things,

[29:56] to blow up the satellite

[29:57] in maybe the worst special effects

[29:59] I've seen in a major Hollywood film

[30:01] in years.

[30:02] Like, these are sub-Sci-Fi channel

[30:05] original movie effects.

Stuart Wellington

[30:05] What if you saw that in IMAX?

[30:07] How upset would you have been, Elliot?

Elliott Kalan

[30:09] Well, I'd be like,

[30:10] why is Aloha in IMAX?

[30:11] It really doesn't benefit from that.

[30:12] You would have been

[30:12] throwing your popcorn

Stuart Wellington

[30:13] in all directions.

Elliott Kalan

[30:15] But it was like a collage.

[30:16] Like, Emma Stone's face

[30:17] is enormous.

Dan McCoy

[30:19] Yeah, he blows it up

[30:19] with like a collage of noises

[30:21] that included, as you say,

[30:23] the theme from Stripes

[30:24] or there was

[30:26] a brief snippet

[30:28] of Starman,

[30:29] David Bowie singing Starman.

Elliott Kalan

[30:30] And Juan Valdez

[30:31] coffee commercial.

Dan McCoy

[30:33] Yeah.

[30:34] And I feel like,

[30:35] I don't know,

[30:36] Cameron Crowe

[30:36] is the sort of person

[30:37] that, like,

[30:39] this means something.

[30:40] You know?

[30:41] Like, this means something to him.

[30:42] Like, the idea

[30:42] that he's using

[30:43] pop culture

[30:44] to blow up this nuke.

[30:46] I guess so.

Elliott Kalan

[30:47] I mean, I complained to you guys

[30:49] while we were watching that.

[30:49] It's like something

[30:50] out of a Macross.

[30:52] Regular Macross.

[30:53] One of the Macrosses.

[30:55] One of the neon

[30:56] Genesis Evangelions

[30:57] going on here.

[30:59] The Macrosses,

[31:00] the one where they're

[31:01] using music as weapons.

Stuart Wellington

[31:02] Yeah, and there's like

[31:03] a pop star

[31:04] robo construct

[31:06] that is fighting

[31:07] against the flying

[31:08] robot ships.

[31:09] Yeah.

[31:10] Sounds good.

Elliott Kalan

[31:11] Anyway, so,

[31:11] I was mentioning you guys

[31:12] that there's something.

[31:13] I'm really underselling it.

[31:14] I get this a little bit

[31:15] in Wes Anderson movies

[31:17] and a little bit

[31:18] in Richard Linklater

[31:18] and Cameron Crowe movies

[31:19] where when a song

[31:20] starts playing

[31:21] in the soundtrack,

[31:22] I can feel a little

[31:23] too heavily

[31:23] the hand of the director

[31:24] going through his

[31:26] record collection

[31:27] looking for the right song.

[31:28] And in this movie,

[31:29] it was particularly

[31:30] onerous to me.

[31:31] Usually it doesn't

[31:32] bother me that much.

[31:33] You didn't mention Tarantino.

[31:34] Tarantino, I feel that too.

[31:36] But in that case,

[31:36] in that case,

[31:37] and like Wes Anderson

[31:38] and others,

[31:38] I feel like

[31:39] they usually do manage

[31:40] to get the right match

[31:42] between song and scene.

[31:43] So it's like,

[31:44] okay, I'm feeling

[31:45] their hand in this.

[31:47] But it makes sense to me.

[31:48] Those two guys

Stuart Wellington

[31:48] are also much more

[31:49] interesting visual auteurs.

Elliott Kalan

[31:52] And often the visuals

[31:54] and the music

[31:54] counterpoint each other

[31:55] in some way.

[31:56] In this one,

[31:56] there was a lot more

[31:57] of like,

[31:58] well, I'm listening

[32:00] to Cameron Crowe's

[32:01] record collection right now.

[32:02] And in that scene,

[32:03] it felt like

[32:03] he may have put

[32:04] more time and effort

[32:05] into putting that

[32:06] sound collage together

[32:07] than the rest of the movie.

[32:09] Yeah.

[32:09] So Bradley Cooper

[32:11] blows it up.

[32:11] Yeah, it all goes

[32:12] exploding.

[32:12] He tells Emma Stone,

[32:13] you've got too good

[32:14] a career,

[32:15] like we shouldn't

[32:15] be together.

[32:16] And she's sad

[32:17] and he doesn't know

[32:18] if she's going to keep

[32:19] the straw hat

[32:20] that he bought her

[32:20] earlier in the movie.

[32:21] In the,

[32:22] probably the best

[32:23] sequence of the movie.

[32:24] Because she puts

[32:25] on a hat

[32:25] that covers

[32:26] her whole head.

[32:27] But like,

[32:28] she's one of those

[32:29] feudal Japanese monks

[32:30] who's trying to create

[32:31] a distance between

[32:33] them and the rest

[32:34] of the movie.

[32:34] Well, it's a moment

Dan McCoy

[32:35] in the movie.

[32:35] More like,

[32:36] what's his face

[32:37] from,

[32:38] from Bad Albert

[32:39] in the Junkyard Gang.

[32:40] Oh yeah,

[32:40] the one with the hat.

[32:41] Mushmouth?

[32:41] Yeah, Mushmouth.

[32:42] Was it Mushmouth

[32:42] or Weird Harold

[32:44] or Donald?

[32:45] It's probably one of them.

[32:45] Was it Crazy Donald

Elliott Kalan

[32:46] or Strange Harold

[32:47] or Weird,

[32:47] they're all characters

[32:48] created by a ring.

[32:49] Or maybe,

[32:49] maybe she's more like

Dan McCoy

[32:51] Mort from Bazooka Joe.

[32:53] Which one was that?

[32:54] That's the one

[32:55] with the,

[32:55] the turtleneck

[32:57] that goes up

[32:57] all over.

[32:57] I thought that was

[32:58] Bazooka Joe.

[32:59] No,

[32:59] Bazooka Joe

[33:00] does not have turtleneck.

[33:01] I thought Bazooka Joe

[33:02] Bazooka Joe's the most

[33:03] normal looking one of them.

[33:04] I thought he was the one

[33:04] with like,

[33:05] I thought he was the one

[33:05] with like a black eye

[33:07] all the time.

[33:07] Yeah, he's got the eye patch.

[33:09] Yeah, he's the normal one, Dan.

[33:10] He's the normal one.

[33:11] He's got an eye patch.

[33:11] What is normal compared

[33:12] to the guy who's got

[33:13] a fucking extra...

[33:14] Because Bazooka Joe

[33:15] takes place in the pirate first?

[33:16] Like a man?

[33:17] Like a...

[33:17] Where everyone's a pirate?

[33:19] He's bigger,

[33:20] he's more normal

[33:20] than the guy

[33:20] with like the magnum turtleneck.

Stuart Wellington

[33:22] Dan's trying not to draw

[33:23] attention to his disability.

[33:25] That he has an eye patch.

[33:26] That's why he's always

[33:27] backflipping out of the panel.

Elliott Kalan

[33:30] Well, you're constantly

[33:31] saying things

[33:32] that shock me so much

[33:33] that I have to flip backwards.

[33:34] You're just your feet

[33:35] and a little puff of dust.

[33:38] You're talking to something...

[33:38] If you guys didn't say

Dan McCoy

[33:39] so many shocking things,

[33:40] I wouldn't flip backwards so much.

[33:42] And my neck would thank you.

Elliott Kalan

[33:44] Because I have

[33:45] had so many injuries.

[33:46] That's how Bazooka Joe

Dan McCoy

[33:47] lost his eye.

Elliott Kalan

[33:48] He flipped over backwards

[33:50] onto a spike.

[33:53] It wouldn't be surprised

[33:54] if I didn't know

[33:55] who Bazooka Joe was.

[33:56] You're talking to somebody

[33:56] who took years

[33:57] to figure out

[33:57] which one was

[33:58] Funky Winker Bean.

[33:59] It's not the guy

[34:00] with the glasses.

[34:01] He's the funkiest one.

Stuart Wellington

[34:02] None of them are funky.

[34:03] If anything,

[34:04] he's the least funky one.

Elliott Kalan

[34:05] And don't even start me

[34:06] about how little

[34:07] of a Winker Bean he is.

[34:09] That's the one

[34:09] that's always on the...

[34:10] That's the most winker.

Stuart Wellington

[34:12] That's the comic strip

[34:13] for band teachers, right?

[34:14] Yeah, that's right.

[34:14] For them to put up

Elliott Kalan

[34:15] on their doorway.

[34:17] It's the comic strip

[34:18] that is either jokes

[34:19] about band class

[34:20] or characters being told

[34:21] they have cancer.

[34:22] and then dealing with it.

Stuart Wellington

[34:23] There's like one crazy

[34:25] Funky Winker Bean

[34:25] where it's just a single panel

[34:27] of like...

[34:27] One crazy Funky Winker Bean.

[34:29] Of a character

[34:30] standing in the doorway

[34:32] and then in the foreground

[34:33] you have a character

[34:36] dead from an overdose

[34:37] of pills.

[34:38] Yeah, yeah.

[34:40] Not in my Sunday funny, sir.

[34:41] Yeah.

[34:42] I want to be reading

[34:43] Shoe in Rose's Rose.

Elliott Kalan

[34:45] This is not funky.

[34:46] This is funky at all.

[34:48] Re-funk this up.

[34:50] So they blow up the satellite

[34:51] and they kind of break up.

[34:55] Bradley Cooper finds out

[34:56] that Rachel McAdams

[34:57] and Woody are splitting apart

[34:58] but now they get back together.

[35:00] Woody and them put it together.

[35:03] It's made official

[35:04] that Bradley Cooper

[35:05] is the daughter's father.

[35:07] He gets back with Emma Stone.

[35:09] He's told by the military

[35:10] who were at first mad at him

[35:11] for blowing off this satellite

[35:12] that it's true.

[35:13] They found out there was

[35:14] going to be a nuke payload on it

[35:15] so it's going to all be kept

[35:17] hush-hush

[35:17] but he's in the clear.

[35:18] Yeah, and they're arresting

[35:19] Bill Murray.

[35:19] Bill Murray's arrested

[35:20] while standing on a beach

[35:21] and he gets back together

[35:24] with Emma Stone

[35:24] and says,

[35:26] hey, when you come back

[35:27] from your tour duty

[35:28] I'm going to be here.

[35:30] And he also,

[35:30] and then in a curious

[35:31] final scene

[35:32] which we were talking about

[35:33] could have been

[35:34] very emotionally affecting

[35:36] in a different movie,

[35:37] he kind of,

[35:38] he finds his,

[35:39] the woman he now,

[35:40] the girl he now knows

[35:41] his daughter

[35:41] at hula class

[35:42] because it's Hawaii

[35:43] and kind of silently

[35:45] expresses to her

[35:47] that she is his daughter

[35:48] and she cries

[35:50] and runs out and hugs him

[35:51] and then goes back to class

[35:52] and it's like,

Dan McCoy

[35:53] It's a very sort of

[35:54] touching moment

[35:55] in a movie that's not very good.

Elliott Kalan

[35:56] It's the scene,

[35:57] it's similar to anyone

[35:58] who listened to our

[35:58] Golden Child episode

[35:59] and if you did

[36:00] I apologize for the audio quality.

[36:02] The scene between

[36:03] the monk and his daughter

[36:05] where they're kind of like

[36:06] talking about

[36:07] how they like Eddie Murphy

[36:08] despite his faults

[36:09] and he gives his blessing

[36:10] to their relationship,

[36:12] this was like that.

[36:13] A much better

[36:14] kind of subtler scene

[36:15] in a movie that

[36:16] doesn't really deserve it.

[36:18] That has not earned

[36:19] that emotion.

Stuart Wellington

[36:19] It's a scene in a movie

[36:21] where almost every other scene

[36:23] has characters

[36:24] basically explaining

[36:25] who they are

[36:26] or explaining

[36:28] what they think

[36:28] the other person is

[36:29] constantly

[36:30] and so there's,

[36:31] they take anything

[36:32] that would be subtext

[36:33] and they make it text.

[36:35] So it makes this scene

[36:36] seem out of place

[36:38] at this point.

[36:38] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[36:39] Now for a movie

[36:39] that has two love triangles,

[36:41] Bill Murray,

[36:43] Alec Baldwin,

[36:44] the military,

[36:45] one of the characters

[36:45] is a fighter pilot,

[36:47] no two of the characters

[36:47] and a subplot

[36:48] about a satellite

[36:49] that's going to have

[36:50] a nuke on it,

[36:51] nothing really happens

[36:52] in this movie.

Stuart Wellington

[36:53] Like very little happens.

[36:54] And there's at least

[36:55] one scene with

[36:56] Danny McBride

[36:56] and a baby named Don

[36:58] that was very charming.

Elliott Kalan

[36:59] Yeah, that part

[37:00] was kind of nice.

[37:01] But like there's,

[37:02] otherwise there's like,

[37:03] there's not,

[37:04] it feels like

[37:05] you're watching

[37:08] the first draft

[37:08] of a script

[37:09] where he's like,

[37:10] I want to write

[37:11] a movie set in Hawaii,

[37:12] maybe I'll deal

[37:13] with the military,

[37:14] I'll just throw

[37:16] some ideas out there.

Dan McCoy

[37:16] Like weird overtones

[37:17] of like the,

[37:18] you know,

[37:18] I'll bring in stuff

[37:20] about religion,

[37:22] like the indigenous

[37:23] people's religion somehow.

Elliott Kalan

[37:24] And then he wrote

[37:25] one draft of it

[37:26] and then like Rip Van Winkle,

[37:27] Cameron Crowe,

[37:28] fell into a slumber

[37:29] for months.

[37:30] And when he woke up,

[37:31] it was shooting,

[37:32] it was the first day

[37:33] of shooting and he's like,

[37:34] oh, I guess we're

[37:35] shooting the first draft.

Dan McCoy

[37:37] Yeah, but we should

[37:38] move on to final judgments

[37:39] on this movie.

[37:40] Whether it's a good

[37:41] bad movie,

[37:41] a bad, bad movie

[37:42] or a movie we kind of liked.

[37:44] I will say,

[37:45] this is a bad, bad movie.

[37:47] I will say this for it.

[37:49] Despite being

[37:49] a bad, bad movie,

[37:50] I could imagine

[37:51] a scenario

[37:51] in which you're hung over

[37:53] on the couch,

[37:55] you turn on Aloha,

[37:57] you might find it

[37:58] very comforting.

Elliott Kalan

[37:59] Yeah, I mean,

[37:59] it's a movie

[38:00] that you could easily

[38:01] pass in and out of sleep

[38:02] while watching

[38:03] and it would not detract

[38:05] from the effect

[38:05] of watching it.

[38:06] So that's my recommended

[38:07] way of watching it.

[38:08] Get drunk

[38:09] the night before

[38:10] you're going to watch Aloha.

[38:11] Yeah.

[38:11] A lot of preparation.

[38:12] Yeah, well,

[38:13] I mean, it's Aloha.

[38:14] You got to make the day for it.

[38:15] Throw on some

Dan McCoy

[38:16] stretchy pants.

[38:18] Oh, the stretchiest

[38:19] because you're Mr. Fantastic.

[38:20] Shuffle into the other room.

Elliott Kalan

[38:22] Yeah, you can be

[38:23] baby blast.

Dan McCoy

[38:24] Find an old slice

[38:25] of pizza.

[38:25] Baby blast.

[38:27] Wander back to the couch.

[38:29] Just turn on

[38:29] whatever channel's on.

Elliott Kalan

[38:32] It happens to be Aloha.

[38:34] Then you know what?

[38:34] Close your eyes,

[38:35] put a pillow on your head

[38:36] and have a well-earned nap.

[38:38] Yeah.

[38:38] To the soothing sounds

[38:40] of Aloha.

Stuart Wellington

[38:41] You do you.

[38:41] You did it.

[38:42] While Blondie's

[38:43] in the other room

[38:43] making you a giant-ass sandwich.

[38:48] Did I be hairy?

[38:49] Yeah.

[38:50] Yeah.

[38:52] Yeah, the...

[38:53] It's funny

[38:54] because this isn't

[38:56] a very good movie

[38:57] but there are like...

[38:59] There are definitely scenes

[39:00] where you're reminded like,

[39:02] oh, Cameron Crowe

[39:03] knows how to make something

[39:04] at least somewhat charming

[39:05] or the actors are charming.

[39:07] Like, there's moments

[39:08] where you're like,

[39:08] I could see how

[39:09] this would be enjoyable.

[39:10] This could have been

[39:10] a good movie.

[39:11] It does not earn

[39:12] the streaming...

[39:14] The various streaming services

[39:15] tagline for this movie

[39:17] which is,

[39:18] say hello

[39:18] to your new favorite movie.

Elliott Kalan

[39:20] I mean, that's...

[39:21] The only person

[39:22] who would possibly

[39:22] say hello to it

[39:23] in that way

[39:24] would be, what,

[39:26] like, someone

[39:26] who'd never seen

[39:27] a movie before.

[39:28] Mm-hmm.

[39:28] And they're just like,

[39:29] that's amazing.

[39:30] This is my first one.

Stuart Wellington

[39:31] The first of...

[39:32] First and only.

Elliott Kalan

[39:34] I can't believe

[39:35] this technology exists.

[39:36] Cameron Crowe,

[39:37] you're a genius

[39:37] because he thinks

[39:38] he invented it.

[39:39] Oh, okay.

[39:40] So, Elliot,

[39:41] what do you think?

[39:42] Movie I kind of liked.

[39:43] No, I think it's a...

[39:44] I think it's a Batman movie.

[39:46] But it's like

[39:46] this plot even,

[39:49] except for the satellite stuff,

[39:50] this plot

[39:51] and these characters

[39:52] and this setting

[39:53] could have been

[39:54] a good movie.

[39:55] There's the potential there

[39:57] but it's not a good movie.

[39:58] Mm-hmm.

[39:58] But I could see a movie

[39:59] that involves

[40:00] the relationship

[40:02] between people

[40:03] in the military

[40:04] and other people

[40:05] who used to be

[40:06] in the military

[40:06] and those people

[40:07] and the natives

[40:08] of a...

[40:08] and the inhabitants...

[40:09] and inhabitants is terrible...

[40:10] of Hawaiians

[40:11] who are...

[40:12] feel like

[40:13] they've lost something

[40:14] and they're living

[40:16] under the control

[40:17] of another force,

[40:18] you know,

[40:19] of the American government

[40:20] that they not...

[40:21] didn't necessarily

Stuart Wellington

[40:22] choose to be a part of.

[40:23] I mean,

[40:23] it feels like,

[40:24] as you said,

[40:24] it feels like a first draft

[40:25] because every character

[40:26] could use a little bit

[40:27] more of a tweak.

[40:28] Yeah.

[40:28] and they could put a little

[40:31] more effort into playing up

[40:32] like the location.

Elliott Kalan

[40:34] It feels like the location

[40:35] is there for when

[40:36] they need to inject

[40:38] like a myth

[40:39] or something like that.

Stuart Wellington

[40:41] Or set dressing,

[40:42] putting leis on everybody.

[40:43] People always wearing leis.

[40:45] There's a lot of pineapples

[40:45] in the backgrounds.

[40:46] A lot of Elvis

Elliott Kalan

[40:48] in Hawaii type music.

[40:49] A lot of Hawaiian music,

[40:51] a lot of ukulele.

[40:51] And let me just say this.

[40:52] When it comes to music,

[40:53] I am not the most

[40:54] accepting person.

[40:56] There's a lot of music

[40:57] I don't like.

[40:58] Hawaiian music

[40:59] is pretty high up there

[41:01] on the list of music

[41:01] I don't like.

[41:02] Okay.

[41:03] It's just a little

[41:04] too mellow for me.

[41:05] It's all about

[41:06] laying back.

[41:07] There's a reason

[41:08] that there's no like

[41:09] Hawaiian metal

[41:11] that I know of.

[41:12] Yep.

[41:12] Well, you're like

[41:13] a real Bradley Cooper

[41:14] type character then.

[41:15] Oh, yeah.

[41:16] Because he...

[41:17] No, but even he seems

[41:17] to like all the music.

[41:18] Oh, yeah.

[41:19] That's the other thing

[41:20] is it's one of those movies

[41:21] where everyone falls

[41:22] under the spell

[41:22] of a place

[41:23] but you don't feel

[41:25] that spell.

[41:25] Yeah, what is this?

[41:26] Treme?

[41:27] Yeah.

[41:27] It's exactly like Treme

[41:29] and everyone's like

[41:30] Nolens, jazz,

[41:32] nothing better

[41:32] and you're watching it

[41:33] and you're like

[41:33] this is boring.

Stuart Wellington

[41:35] Man, I'm sorry

[41:36] I'm harping on

[41:37] New Orleans today.

[41:38] Yeah.

[41:39] They've been through

[41:40] enough stories.

[41:41] Yeah, city suffered so much.

[41:46] This delightful program

[41:48] is brought to you

[41:49] by Squarespace.

[41:50] Beautiful websites

S4

[41:51] for beautiful bread

[41:52] like MomsBunsBakery.com.

[41:55] It takes a lot of balls

[41:56] to name your business

[41:57] MomsBuns.

[41:58] I don't even feel

[41:58] 100% comfortable

Stuart Wellington

[41:59] saying that out loud

[42:00] MomsBuns.

[42:02] Although MomsBuns

[42:03] look great.

[42:05] I gotta say.

[42:08] Welcome to

[42:08] Oh No, Ross and Carrie.

S4

[42:10] Ross.

[42:10] Hi Carrie.

[42:11] What do you think

[42:11] is creepier?

[42:12] Okay.

[42:13] You jump into

[42:14] a swimming pool

[42:15] and all of a sudden

[42:16] the water goes away

[42:17] and instead of water

[42:18] there is the bones

[42:20] of your dead ancestors

[42:22] or our show.

Dan McCoy

[42:24] That's pretty tough

[42:25] because we visited

[42:26] a live exorcism.

S4

[42:27] We joined the

[42:28] Ordo Templi Orientis

[42:30] where we had to worship

[42:30] a naked lady.

Dan McCoy

[42:31] Oh, and we joined

[42:32] that Tony Alamo cult.

[42:33] They were scary.

S4

[42:34] Super creepy.

[42:35] We joined the

[42:35] Ethere Society.

Stuart Wellington

[42:36] We tried penis enlargement

[42:38] or at least I did.

S4

[42:39] Oh boy, I tried

[42:39] breast enlargement.

[42:40] We have basically done

[42:42] every creepy weird

[42:43] fringe thing

[42:44] except for

[42:45] thousands more

[42:46] which we will get to

[42:47] if you listen to our show.

Dan McCoy

[42:48] I'd still say

[42:48] the swimming pool

[42:49] of my ancestors bones.

S4

[42:51] Well, then I don't even know

[42:51] if people should listen.

[42:52] I guess they shouldn't.

[42:53] But if you want to

[42:54] we're at Maximum Fun

[42:56] and the show's called

[42:56] Ono, Ross and Carrie.

Dan McCoy

[43:02] Before we move on

[43:03] I just want to thank

[43:04] everyone who came out

[43:06] to our live shows.

[43:07] And came out

[43:08] at our live shows.

[43:09] Sold out live shows.

[43:10] It was great to see people

[43:11] in person afterwards

[43:14] hanging out at the bar.

[43:15] Putting up with us.

[43:16] Commonwealth.

[43:18] Thank you to everyone

[43:19] who stopped by

[43:20] and said hi.

Elliott Kalan

[43:21] We had two great

[43:22] sold out audiences.

[43:23] Everyone was super pumped

[43:24] and super hyped up.

[43:26] I think I heard somewhere

Stuart Wellington

[43:27] that audiences

[43:28] in New York

[43:29] are the best.

[43:31] Oh wait, no.

[43:32] I shouldn't say that now

[43:33] because...

[43:33] No.

Dan McCoy

[43:34] We might go somewhere else

[43:35] someday.

[43:35] I want to thank

[43:36] some of the folks

[43:38] that helped us.

[43:40] Matt Carman

[43:40] in the booth.

[43:42] Jesus in the booth.

[43:43] That was his name,

[43:44] Jesus.

[43:44] What was his last name, Dan?

[43:47] I mean, I don't either.

[43:49] All the people

[43:49] at the Bell House.

[43:51] everyone at the Bell House.

[43:52] Wendy Mays

[43:53] who contributed

[43:54] some equipment

[43:56] and her...

[43:57] Reporting equipment.

[43:58] Yeah, her podcast

[43:59] is called

[44:00] Pet Cinematary

[44:01] if you want to

[44:02] check that out.

[44:04] Ray and Steven

[44:05] for letting us

[44:06] use their house

[44:08] to watch movies

[44:09] and...

[44:11] They took good care of us.

[44:12] Yeah, I may have...

[44:12] They did.

[44:13] ...forgotten anyone

[44:14] and if I do,

[44:15] I have,

[44:15] I apologize

[44:16] but just thank everyone

[44:18] for making the show

[44:20] such a delight.

[44:21] Thank you, Dan.

[44:22] Hey, thank you guys.

[44:23] Thank you, Stuart and Dan.

[44:25] You're welcome.

[44:26] Aloha.

[44:28] Hello.

[44:28] Goodbye.

[44:30] I want to just take a moment

[44:32] to give a birthday shout out.

[44:34] This was not brought up

[44:35] at the meeting.

[44:37] This was requested.

[44:38] I had a request

[44:39] to give a birthday shout out

[44:40] to, quote,

[44:41] Ultimate Jen

[44:42] who had a birthday

[44:43] on one of the days

[44:44] of the live shows

[44:45] but she could not make it.

[44:47] So happy birthday to her.

[44:50] I feel bad for Penultimate Jen.

[44:52] Yeah.

[44:53] Yeah.

[44:54] Always knowing

[44:54] that she's going to be...

[44:55] Couldn't make the cut.

[44:56] Yeah.

[44:56] Living in the shadow.

[44:57] Yeah.

[44:58] But also,

[45:00] I just want to take a moment

[45:01] to say,

[45:03] hey,

[45:03] if you haven't checked out

[45:04] MaximumFun.org

[45:06] go over there

[45:08] and check out

[45:09] our podcast network.

[45:11] Yeah.

[45:11] Check out the family.

Elliott Kalan

[45:12] It's not just a network, Dan.

[45:13] It's a family

[45:14] that doesn't talk very much.

Dan McCoy

[45:15] When you're here,

[45:16] you're family.

[45:18] Yeah.

[45:18] And here is Maximum Fun.

[45:20] Yeah,

[45:20] I don't think anyone else

[45:21] uses that slogan.

Stuart Wellington

[45:23] No other place claims

[45:24] that when you're there

[45:24] you're family.

[45:25] Spend some time

[45:26] with some baby geniuses,

[45:27] some popped rockets.

Dan McCoy

[45:29] Yeah.

[45:29] Some ladies to ladies.

[45:31] Throw some shade.

[45:32] Yeah.

[45:33] Jordan, Jesse,

Elliott Kalan

[45:34] and Go.

[45:35] Jordan, Jesse,

[45:36] play the ancient game of Go

[45:38] every episode.

[45:40] Sounds fascinating.

[45:41] Oh, you learn a lot.

[45:42] It's the kind of stuff

[45:43] my dad tells me.

Dan McCoy

[45:45] But now

[45:46] let's move along

[45:48] to letters from listeners.

[45:50] You wrote them.

[45:51] We read them.

[45:52] That's the way it works.

Elliott Kalan

[45:54] That's the way it works,

[45:56] Dan says.

[45:59] You wrote them.

[46:00] We read them.

[46:03] How does it work?

[46:05] Glad that you asked.

[46:07] As Dan said,

[46:08] I'll refer you to his comments.

[46:10] That you write them

[46:12] and then we read them.

[46:13] Sorry,

[46:14] that's how it works.

S4

[46:15] That's how it works.

Elliott Kalan

[46:20] Back up.

[46:22] Well,

[46:22] if you guys picked up the slack,

Stuart Wellington

[46:24] I wouldn't need it.

Elliott Kalan

[46:27] Do do do do do do.

[46:41] Thank you.

[46:42] Letters is taped

[46:43] before a live studio audience

[46:44] of one cat.

Dan McCoy

[46:46] So speaking of birthdays.

Elliott Kalan

[46:48] Speaking of birthdays,

[46:50] Dan was talking about.

[46:54] Birthdays.

[46:55] You're born

[46:56] and that's the day

[46:57] that you celebrate.

[47:00] Anything you need to know

[47:02] about how something works,

[47:03] ask me

[47:04] and I'll sing it to you.

[47:05] Unless it's really complicated

[47:07] and made out of words

[47:09] that don't rhyme so well.

[47:11] In which case,

[47:12] I don't know

[47:13] if I can help you so well,

[47:14] but I'll try

[47:15] till I die.

Dan McCoy

[47:18] So,

[47:19] we're not going to make a habit

[47:21] of doing these birthday shout outs.

[47:23] I'm going to nip that in the bud.

[47:25] Take that bud

[47:26] and nip it.

[47:29] But since it happened

[47:32] that a couple of these

[47:33] came up at the same time,

[47:34] I thought,

[47:35] why the hell not?

[47:35] Let's do these birthday things

[47:37] and then let's never do it again.

[47:38] You mean they're twins.

[47:41] So this goes,

[47:42] hello, Dan, Stu, and Elliot.

[47:43] I'm writing.

[47:44] Hello, Dan, Stu, and Elliot.

[47:45] I'm writing.

[47:46] Hello, huh?

[47:47] I'm writing to request a song.

[47:50] Done.

[47:50] For my wife,

[47:51] the lovely Michelle Sellers.

[47:53] Being so super popular

[47:55] and Entertainment Weekly certified now,

[47:56] what can I offer as an incentive?

[47:58] Money?

[47:58] Compliments?

[47:59] Firstborn human children?

[48:01] Inspiring butts?

[48:02] I have one of those.

[48:02] My both ways.

[48:04] Convincing Neil Breen

[48:05] to release his next film?

[48:07] A bit about Michelle.

[48:07] She's an avid flopper

[48:08] and promoter of all things peaches

[48:10] and has recently taken to singing

[48:11] Elliot-inspired songs

[48:13] at random.

[48:14] That's the only way to do it.

[48:16] She is a particular Dan fan

[48:18] and supposes Stu is all right.

[48:21] Michelle is a feminist librarian

[48:22] at a small southern college,

[48:24] Zen Buddhist,

[48:25] and cat lover,

[48:26] as aforementioned songs suggest.

[48:28] She is quite...

[48:28] Real mad libs of attributes there.

[48:31] She's quite the home cook,

[48:32] particularly skilled at Szechuan food

[48:34] with various fun dishes.

[48:36] She loves Kurosawa,

[48:37] French New Wave,

[48:38] and Law & Order

[48:38] in equal measure.

[48:40] Uh...

[48:41] She is spending the weekend

[48:43] in sad mourning

[48:43] due to missing your life shows.

[48:45] Life shows.

[48:46] Life shows.

[48:46] Well, this actually says life shows.

[48:48] You know what it meant.

[48:50] Uh, so...

[48:51] They're not our shows for life day.

[48:52] Look, I'm like, uh...

[48:54] We didn't invite Lumpy and Lester.

[48:55] I'm like Will Ferrell

[48:55] in Anchorman.

[48:56] If you put it in the prompter,

[48:57] I'll just read it.

[48:58] So I guess that about covers the basis.

[49:00] Hope's my...

[49:01] Hope my misc of...

[49:02] My misc.

[49:03] All right.

[49:04] Are you Popeye?

Stuart Wellington

[49:05] I hope's my misc of Akskin.

Dan McCoy

[49:08] Potential bribing

[49:09] and reference musings

[49:10] have won you over.

[49:11] Flopping years.

[49:12] The vendor last name withheld.

[49:14] So, I don't know.

[49:15] If the spirit moves you,

[49:17] you could sing a song

[49:18] or we could ignore this.

[49:19] So what was her name again?

[49:20] Michelle.

[49:22] Michelle.

[49:23] Michelle.

Elliott Kalan

[49:24] Sellers.

[49:25] Not related.

[49:27] Probably to Peter.

[49:29] Sellers.

[49:30] Another Sellers.

[49:33] Thanks for listening.

[49:37] When you're cooking

[49:38] Szechuan food.

[49:40] And doing the

[49:41] the other things

[49:42] that the letter

[49:45] mentioned

[49:45] that I

[49:47] already

[49:47] forgot.

Dan McCoy

[49:52] So,

[49:53] happy birthday,

[49:55] Michelle.

[49:56] Next letter.

[49:58] I'm writing in regard

[49:59] to the great switcheroo

[50:00] and your stint

[50:01] on the Adventure Zone podcast.

[50:03] Sorry about that.

[50:04] That was a fabulous show.

[50:05] I've been a D&D player.

Elliott Kalan

[50:08] You are ready to go.

[50:10] You are ready to go.

[50:12] That's a callback

[50:13] to a conversation

[50:14] we had backstage

[50:15] when we were the live show.

Dan McCoy

[50:16] Joan Wilder,

[50:17] you and your sister

[50:20] can go.

[50:23] From your favorite movie,

[50:25] Jewel Denial.

[50:26] No!

[50:28] So,

[50:29] the Adventure Zone podcast.

[50:31] That was a fabulous show.

[50:32] I've been a D&D player

[50:33] since the late 1970s.

[50:35] You remember back

[50:36] before you were born.

[50:36] Dungeons and Dachshunds.

[50:38] Even

[50:39] working at TSR,

[50:43] writing and editing

[50:43] Dungeons and Dragons

[50:45] products in the early

[50:46] 1990s.

[50:47] The spaghetti restaurant.

[50:48] So jealous.

[50:48] And Stuart is one of the

[50:50] best DMs I've heard.

[50:51] He kept the story

[50:52] moving along,

[50:53] didn't get bogged down

[50:54] in too much dice rolling

[50:55] or rules mechanics.

[50:56] It was a pleasure

[50:56] to listen to.

[50:58] It must have been

[50:58] quite a stretch

[50:59] for Elliot and Dan

[51:00] to take on such

[51:00] difficult roles

[51:01] for the game.

[51:02] Imagine Elliot

[51:03] stretching to play

[51:04] a character who finds

[51:05] pleasure in making

[51:05] short, terrible ditties

[51:07] and Dan losing himself

[51:09] in the role of his

[51:09] long-suffering companion.

[51:11] It boggles the mind.

[51:12] Thanks again.

[51:12] Who watches butts?

[51:13] For all you do,

[51:14] Bill, last name withheld.

[51:15] I just wanted to read that

[51:16] because I thought,

[51:18] Stuart, you deserve

[51:19] all the credit.

[51:20] Pick me up?

[51:21] Oh, thank you.

Stuart Wellington

[51:22] Well, I appreciate it.

[51:23] It was super fun to do.

[51:25] Thanks, Bill.

Elliott Kalan

[51:26] It was fun.

[51:27] Hope we get the chance

[51:27] to do it again someday.

[51:28] Yeah, we'll probably

[51:28] do it again soon.

[51:30] Yeah, I know.

[51:31] You've been pushing.

Stuart Wellington

[51:31] Right after tonight.

[51:33] What?

[51:34] Just joking.

[51:35] J.K.

[51:35] J.K. Simmons.

Dan McCoy

[51:36] J.K. Rowling Simmons.

[51:38] So, this next letter

[51:39] is from Paul, last name withheld

[51:42] and it's titled...

[51:44] Shorvino.

[51:46] It's titled,

[51:47] Some anagram...

[51:48] Some anagrams.

[51:50] Some anagrams

[51:51] of the flop house.

[51:54] Hmm, what could this be?

[51:55] Some anagrams of the flop house.

[51:57] Hot, foul sheep.

[51:59] Ooh, plush feet.

[52:01] I like that one.

[52:02] Feel, tush, poo.

[52:03] Dan liked that one.

[52:05] For Dan McCoy,

[52:06] can my cod.

[52:09] What?

[52:09] For Elliot Kalin,

[52:11] all oat tinkle

[52:12] and anal kite toll.

[52:16] Hey, sometimes it's just accurate.

Elliott Kalan

[52:18] That's how the cards lay.

[52:20] If you fly anal kites,

[52:22] it will take a huge toll on you.

Dan McCoy

[52:24] For Stuart Wellington,

[52:25] so many letters.

[52:27] It's a world of possibilities.

[52:29] For Stuart Wellington,

[52:30] town slut triangle.

[52:34] That's all.

[52:34] That's it for now.

[52:35] You're all beautiful and talented.

[52:37] Paul, last name withheld.

[52:39] Thanks, Paul.

[52:40] What do you think about that?

[52:40] Town slut triangle.

Stuart Wellington

[52:43] Sounds like a movie

[52:44] just waiting to be tarped.

Elliott Kalan

[52:49] I'll never stick a kite in my butt again

[52:51] without thinking of that.

[52:52] The last letter of the evening.

[52:54] Oh.

[52:57] Dan says it's the last one

[52:59] and then it is.

[53:03] He's gonna read it.

[53:04] We'll talk about it.

[53:05] Then this segment is over.

[53:12] Now the breakdown part

[53:14] where it's spoken word.

[53:16] We're going to work it now.

[53:17] I'll tell you how it works

[53:18] with the last letter.

Dan McCoy

[53:20] This is from Loa.

[53:22] Jesus Christ.

[53:23] I just said it correctly

[53:25] one second ago.

[53:26] And then.

[53:27] You did.

[53:28] The breakdown.

Stuart Wellington

Elliott Kalan

[53:31] Dan says the thing

[53:33] and we throw him off.

Dan McCoy

[53:39] Noah, last name withheld.

[53:41] says.

[53:42] Wiley.

[53:43] I'm a 16 year old fan

[53:45] who recently had a few friends

[53:47] over for a screening

[53:48] of a frequently recommended

[53:49] Flophouse.

[53:50] I never thought it would

[53:50] happen to me

[53:51] but I had my friends over

[53:52] for a moment.

Stuart Wellington

[53:53] I'm gonna say right now

[53:54] not age appropriate.

Dan McCoy

[53:57] This was of course

[53:58] the cinematic masterwork

[54:00] that is Castle Freak.

[54:01] Yep.

[54:02] There you go.

Stuart Wellington

[54:02] You guys learned so much

[54:03] about anatomy.

Dan McCoy

[54:05] Though I was disappointed

[54:07] by the lack of ding dong ripping

[54:09] I still

[54:10] Must have been going

[54:11] to the bathroom during that.

[54:12] I still really enjoyed the film.

[54:15] That is until my mom

[54:16] walked in

[54:16] during the scene

[54:17] during the scene

[54:20] where the titular hero

[54:21] bites a prostitute's nipple off.

[54:23] Yep.

[54:23] It was as you can imagine

[54:25] painfully awkward.

[54:26] I mean I feel like

[54:27] it's your fault

[54:28] watching that movie

[54:28] when your mom's at home.

[54:30] But even though my relationship

[54:31] with my mother

[54:32] is irresistibly damaged.

Stuart Wellington

[54:33] She showed up

[54:34] with like pizza bagels

[54:36] and sodas for everybody.

Elliott Kalan

[54:37] Kids I have Sunny D

[54:38] and the purple stuff.

[54:39] Oh my god.

[54:40] Oh dear lord

[54:40] what's happening?

Dan McCoy

[54:42] I still began

[54:43] You started Castle Freak

Elliott Kalan

[54:45] without me.

Dan McCoy

[54:47] I still have begun

[54:48] planning a sequel.

[54:50] Castle Freak

[54:51] takes New York

[54:51] in which the Castle Freak

[54:53] becomes a Broadway sensation.

[54:55] What would you guys want

[54:56] from a Castle Freak sequel?

[54:57] I'll tell you one show

[54:58] he's not appearing in

[54:59] Puppetry of the Penis.

Elliott Kalan

[55:02] That's a Broadway show right?

[55:04] I'll tell you another show.

[55:04] It was near Broadway.

[55:06] I'll tell you another show

[55:07] he's not appearing in.

Dan McCoy

[55:08] Yakov Shmurnoff's show.

[55:09] Because it closed.

[55:10] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[55:10] Or Equus

[55:11] for the same

[55:12] for both reasons.

Dan McCoy

[55:14] So what would you like

[55:16] to see in a Castle Freak sequel

[55:18] was the question.

Stuart Wellington

[55:19] Are we going to continue

[55:19] the idea that he

[55:20] is in a Broadway show

[55:22] or I can like

[55:22] are we blue sky

[55:23] and the only

Elliott Kalan

[55:24] the only boundaries

[55:25] is your imagination.

Stuart Wellington

[55:27] Okay.

[55:31] So obviously

[55:32] because it is

[55:33] the 21st century

[55:34] we're going to take

[55:36] Castle Freak

[55:37] to cyberspace.

[55:39] Now he died

[55:40] at the end of the movie.

[55:41] Yep.

[55:41] But his consciousness

[55:42] didn't.

[55:42] It's been uploaded

[55:43] to the net.

[55:44] So a local

[55:45] Italian hacker

[55:46] uploaded his

[55:49] consciousness

[55:49] to the internet

[55:50] in an attempt

[55:52] to break down

[55:54] create the ultimate virus.

[55:57] Okay.

[55:58] Okay.

[55:58] Now is castle

[55:59] now an anagram?

[56:01] It is of course

[56:01] that's a castle

[56:02] like a castle wall

[56:03] is like a firewall

[56:04] that somebody used

[56:04] to protect their goodies

[56:05] on the internet.

[56:06] Yeah.

[56:07] Why do you mean anagram?

[56:07] I'm sorry

[56:07] I mean acronym.

[56:09] Yeah.

[56:09] So it's like

Elliott Kalan

[56:09] computer assault

[56:10] syndrome

[56:11] terror

[56:13] life eraser

[56:15] freak.

[56:16] Perfect.

[56:16] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[56:17] Wait where's

[56:17] the freak part

[56:18] come from?

Elliott Kalan

[56:19] No no the freak

[56:19] is not an

[56:20] because he's a castle freak.

[56:21] Oh yeah.

[56:21] He's still a freak.

[56:22] Castle yeah he's still

[56:23] He's even more of a freak

[56:24] now that he's dead.

[56:25] Yeah.

[56:25] Yeah because he exists

[56:26] And freak is spelled PH.

[56:28] Oh no kidding.

[56:29] Like a phone freak.

[56:30] Exactly.

Stuart Wellington

[56:32] Or because he's

[56:34] made of acid?

Elliott Kalan

[56:36] why that would

[56:37] Because of his

Stuart Wellington

[56:39] PH balance.

Elliott Kalan

[56:40] He's no longer a base.

[56:42] So anyway

[56:43] he's uploaded

[56:43] He's not a basic bitch.

[56:45] He's a phone freak.

[56:46] He's certainly not.

Stuart Wellington

[56:47] He's a castle freak.

[56:47] So he's uploaded

[56:48] to the net

[56:49] and then some

[56:50] Italian console

[56:51] cowboy

[56:52] comes along.

[56:54] I love how

Elliott Kalan

[56:55] it's still Italy

[56:56] even though the

[56:56] internet is global.

[56:58] It's the world wide web.

[56:59] It's not just

[56:59] the world Italian web.

Stuart Wellington

[57:01] That's a line

[57:01] from the movie

[57:02] Oh my god

[57:02] he's gone global.

Dan McCoy

[57:07] It's a me

[57:07] Leonardo da Vinci

[57:08] Oh my god

[57:09] the castle freak

Elliott Kalan

[57:10] it's gone global.

[57:11] Is it my computer

[57:12] that's made out of

[57:13] sticks and rocks.

Stuart Wellington

[57:15] I made my computer

[57:16] out of spaghetti.

[57:17] It's a spaghetti network.

[57:22] I made it out of

[57:22] a Bobali

[57:23] computer shell.

[57:25] Bobali?

[57:25] Bobali.

[57:26] Bobali.

Elliott Kalan

[57:27] Computer crust.

[57:29] And so

[57:30] how do they defeat him?

Stuart Wellington

[57:32] Do they rip off

Elliott Kalan

[57:33] like a digital ding dong?

Stuart Wellington

[57:34] They throw him

[57:34] off a roof.

Elliott Kalan

[57:36] It still ends

[57:37] with them going

[57:37] into virtual reality

[57:39] cyberspace

[57:39] and throwing him

[57:40] off a computer roof.

[57:40] Pick up his hard drive

[57:41] and throw it off a roof.

Dan McCoy

[57:42] Come on.

[57:42] Yeah they throw

[57:43] the computer off a roof.

[57:44] It's just like that

[57:45] it's just like that

[57:46] scene we always watch

[57:47] at the show

[57:48] where Mark Harmon

[57:49] walks in on

[57:50] NCIS

[57:52] and just

[57:52] unplugs the computer

[57:54] to stop hackers.

Elliott Kalan

[57:55] Only after

[57:56] so anyone who hasn't

[57:57] seen this

[57:57] you've probably seen it.

[57:58] This is a clip

[57:58] we used to watch

[57:59] all the time

[57:59] on the Daily Show

[58:00] an episode of NCIS

[58:01] where their

[58:02] science computer lab

[58:04] is being hacked into

[58:05] and the hacker character

[58:07] you know she's like

[58:08] a goth hacker

[58:08] because she's got

[58:09] like a nose ring

[58:10] and dyed black hair

[58:12] and pigtails

[58:12] and a choker

[58:13] and she probably

[58:15] listens to a lot

[58:16] of like

[58:16] what I don't even know

[58:18] like

[58:18] like five finger

[58:19] death punch

[58:20] and whatnot.

[58:20] Yeah that kind

[58:21] of stuff.

[58:21] Yeah like

[58:22] she goes to the

[58:23] Warped Tour a lot

[58:24] but the

[58:24] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[58:26] She's a semi-professional

[58:27] Every weekend

Elliott Kalan

[58:29] she's at the Warped Tour.

[58:30] I mean more than once

[58:31] she's been there

[58:32] and she's like

[58:34] I can't type fast enough

[58:35] I can't type fast enough

[58:36] to leave this hacker out

[58:36] and another scientist

[58:37] goes

[58:37] let me in

[58:38] let me in

[58:39] and the two of them

[58:39] start typing

[58:40] on the same keyboard

[58:41] as if

[58:42] that'll make it go

[58:43] faster.

Dan McCoy

[58:44] As if they're playing

[58:45] Heart and Soul

[58:46] on the piano.

Elliott Kalan

[58:47] Or like typing

[58:47] is the same as like

[58:48] pushing a car

[58:49] that's not working.

[58:51] So you're like

[58:51] well the two of us

[58:52] together will be stronger

[58:53] and they can't type

[58:54] on the keyboard

[58:55] together fast enough

[58:56] and so Mark Harmon

[58:57] walks over

[58:58] and unplugs the computer

[58:59] and he's like

[58:59] problem solved

[59:00] because NCIS

[59:01] is a show for old people

[59:03] who don't know

[59:03] how computers work.

[59:05] Such a great scene

[59:06] it's so funny.

[59:07] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[59:08] So much wrong with it.

[59:09] Problem solved.

[59:11] Okay.

[59:11] So before we unplug

[59:12] this computer

[59:12] Consider this freak

[59:13] castled.

Elliott Kalan

[59:15] Starring Nathan Fillion.

Dan McCoy

[59:18] So now it's time

[59:20] for the final segment

[59:21] of the evening

[59:21] or day

[59:23] whenever you're

[59:23] listening to this thing.

Elliott Kalan

[59:24] Or life if you're dying.

Dan McCoy

[59:27] If you're dying

[59:28] please take these out

[59:29] and say goodbye

[59:30] to your children.

Elliott Kalan

[59:30] I need to stay alive

[59:31] long enough

[59:32] to finish

[59:33] the Aloha episode.

[59:34] Find out

Stuart Wellington

[59:35] what movies

[59:36] they like.

[59:37] Need to find out

Elliott Kalan

[59:38] what the sting is

[59:39] after the theme song

[59:40] at the end.

[59:41] Are there any

[59:42] bloops?

[59:44] Gotta hear

[59:46] them bloops.

[59:47] Must

[59:48] get to the

[59:49] bloops.

Stuart Wellington

[59:51] Sounds like

[59:52] somebody's trying

[59:53] to poop.

[59:56] It's a thin line

[59:57] between bloops

Elliott Kalan

[59:58] and poops.

[1:00:03] We have fun here

[1:00:04] sometimes.

[1:00:05] Whoa, sorry Kenny.

[1:00:07] No, it's not.

[1:00:08] I was supposed

[1:00:09] to have more time.

[1:00:10] Time for the bloops.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:12] So, yeah,

[1:00:13] this is where

[1:00:14] we recommend movies

[1:00:15] that we saw.

[1:00:16] I'm sorry you have

[1:00:16] one bloop to live.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:19] They get a good bloop.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:22] This is where

[1:00:23] we recommend movies.

[1:00:24] Finish everything

[1:00:24] on my bloop it list.

[1:00:27] That we liked

[1:00:28] in contrast

[1:00:29] to

[1:00:30] a movie like Aloha.

[1:00:33] Hello.

[1:00:33] That we loved.

[1:00:36] I'll start.

[1:00:37] I watched

[1:00:37] the movie

[1:00:38] It's Such a Beautiful Day.

[1:00:42] The Don Hertzfeld

[1:00:43] animated film.

[1:00:45] It's available

[1:00:46] on Netflix streaming.

[1:00:47] You can watch it

[1:00:48] in a mere

[1:00:50] hour of your time

[1:00:51] and I recommend it

[1:00:52] highly.

[1:00:53] Even though it's

[1:00:53] an hour and a half long.

[1:00:55] It's an animated film

[1:00:57] that,

[1:00:58] I mean,

[1:00:59] Don Hertzfeld

[1:01:00] has done a bunch

[1:01:01] of animated shorts

[1:01:03] but this is

[1:01:05] one of his

[1:01:06] long pieces

[1:01:07] and he does it

[1:01:09] in a sort of

[1:01:09] a stick figure-y

[1:01:10] style

[1:01:11] that's deceptively

[1:01:12] simple.

[1:01:13] He's a really

[1:01:13] great animator

[1:01:14] but he uses

[1:01:15] on top of the

[1:01:16] stick figure animations,

[1:01:17] the pencil animations,

[1:01:19] a lot of collage,

[1:01:21] a lot of different

[1:01:21] effects.

[1:01:23] He puts in

[1:01:24] some

[1:01:25] live action

[1:01:26] shots as well

[1:01:28] and it's about

[1:01:30] a character

[1:01:30] I guess what you're

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:31] saying is he puts

[1:01:31] the ooh

[1:01:32] in cartoon.

[1:01:33] I don't know

[1:01:34] if I would say that.

[1:01:35] You said it, dude.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:36] I'm quoting you.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:37] Now I feel ashamed.

[1:01:39] It's right here

[1:01:39] in Animation Age magazine.

[1:01:42] It's on the

[1:01:43] Cartoon Brew website.

[1:01:44] Okay,

[1:01:44] he puts the ooh

[1:01:45] in cartoon.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:46] But it's about

[1:01:46] a character called

[1:01:47] Bill Who

[1:01:48] It starts out

[1:01:49] as a bunch

[1:01:49] of unconnected

[1:01:50] His name is

[1:01:50] Bill Who Um?

[1:01:52] Anyway,

[1:01:53] I won't interrupt

[1:01:53] anymore.

[1:01:53] It starts out

[1:01:54] as a bunch

[1:01:54] of unconnected

[1:01:55] vignettes

[1:01:55] and then

[1:01:56] it slowly

[1:01:57] becomes a story

[1:01:58] of how

[1:01:59] this character

[1:02:00] has a

[1:02:02] sort of

[1:02:03] unspecified

[1:02:04] terminal disease

[1:02:04] that means

[1:02:06] that he starts

[1:02:06] having hallucinations

[1:02:07] and

[1:02:09] then it

[1:02:10] the movie

[1:02:12] sort of

[1:02:12] tracks his

[1:02:13] the progression

[1:02:14] of this disease

[1:02:15] attracts flashbacks

[1:02:16] into his past

[1:02:18] and his family

[1:02:20] history

[1:02:20] and how they've

[1:02:21] had

[1:02:21] a crazy

[1:02:23] unlucky

[1:02:23] time

[1:02:24] and then

[1:02:24] it

[1:02:24] flashes

[1:02:25] forward

[1:02:25] sort of

[1:02:26] not flashes

[1:02:27] forward

[1:02:27] but it

[1:02:27] tracks

[1:02:27] Bill's

[1:02:28] future

[1:02:29] how the disease

[1:02:30] progresses

[1:02:30] and how

[1:02:31] there's sort

[1:02:32] of a

[1:02:32] transcendent

[1:02:33] ending to it

[1:02:33] all.

[1:02:34] It's all

[1:02:35] about

[1:02:35] death

[1:02:37] and

[1:02:38] coming to

[1:02:40] terms with

[1:02:40] death

[1:02:40] and coming to

[1:02:41] terms with

[1:02:41] aging

[1:02:42] but it's

[1:02:43] also

[1:02:44] funny

[1:02:45] and it

[1:02:45] pushes the

[1:02:46] boundaries

[1:02:46] of cartooning

[1:02:47] and it's

[1:02:49] sad

[1:02:50] and sort

[1:02:51] of beautiful

[1:02:51] and it

[1:02:52] all happens

[1:02:53] as I said

[1:02:55] in an hour

[1:02:55] so I

[1:02:57] highly recommend

[1:02:58] you watch

[1:02:59] Don Hertzfeld's

[1:02:59] It's Such a

[1:03:00] Beautiful Day

[1:03:00] and that's my

[1:03:03] recommendation

[1:03:03] Sounds good

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:05] Stuart do you want to go next

[1:03:06] or should I go next

[1:03:07] Sure I'll go next

[1:03:08] I'm going to recommend a movie

[1:03:09] I think you guys have already seen

[1:03:10] but haven't recommended

[1:03:11] It's called Aloha

[1:03:12] I'm going to recommend

[1:03:13] Hello

[1:03:13] Sicario

[1:03:20] Sicario

[1:03:21] Sicario

[1:03:23] is a movie

[1:03:25] It's about a

[1:03:25] Sic-car-yo

[1:03:26] Let me see if I can

[1:03:28] pronounce this name

[1:03:29] properly

[1:03:30] It was stupid

[1:03:33] and I loved it

[1:03:34] Let me see if I can

[1:03:36] pronounce this name

[1:03:36] properly

[1:03:37] Emily Blunt

[1:03:38] is in it

[1:03:39] Oh okay

[1:03:39] Was that a

[1:03:40] switch-em-up?

[1:03:41] Yep

[1:03:41] because it's directed by

[1:03:43] Denis Villeneuve

[1:03:45] who directed

[1:03:47] Prisoners

[1:03:48] and Enemy

[1:03:49] and

[1:03:51] When Harry Met Sally

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:53] right?

[1:03:53] Probably

[1:03:54] That's right

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:54] Now Sicario

[1:03:56] is like those movies

[1:03:56] in that it's got

[1:03:57] atmosphere for days

[1:03:59] It's got some

[1:04:00] heavy foreboding

[1:04:01] soundtrack

[1:04:02] It's got some

[1:04:03] nice long

[1:04:04] slow shots

[1:04:05] There's a lot

[1:04:06] of shadows

[1:04:07] It's really tense

[1:04:09] It's all about

[1:04:10] building that tension

[1:04:11] man

[1:04:11] and it's about

[1:04:12] the drug war

[1:04:14] along the

[1:04:15] Texas and the

[1:04:16] Arizona border

[1:04:17] along Mexico

[1:04:18] and

[1:04:20] the story

[1:04:21] focuses on

[1:04:22] Emily Blunt

[1:04:23] who plays

[1:04:24] I believe

[1:04:24] an FBI agent

[1:04:25] I

[1:04:27] but she

[1:04:28] she gets kind of

[1:04:29] wrapped up in

Dan McCoy

[1:04:33] I didn't see the movie

[1:04:34] You're doing

[1:04:35] a report

[1:04:36] a school report

[1:04:37] on a book

[1:04:37] you didn't read

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:37] Sicario

[1:04:38] is the story

[1:04:39] of a

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:39] Sicar

[1:04:40] that

[1:04:41] Nope

[1:04:42] it says

[1:04:42] FBI agent

[1:04:43] in IMDb

[1:04:45] so she

[1:04:45] gets kind of

[1:04:46] wrapped up

[1:04:47] in this

[1:04:47] investigation

[1:04:48] with

[1:04:50] some

[1:04:50] members

[1:04:52] of a

[1:04:53] seemingly

[1:04:53] unknown

[1:04:54] US government

[1:04:55] organization

[1:04:56] to kind of

[1:04:57] take on

[1:04:58] the Mexican

[1:04:59] cartels

[1:04:59] and

[1:05:00] to take on

[1:05:01] me

[1:05:01] to take

Dan McCoy

[1:05:02] me on

[1:05:02] I'll be gone

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:04] and she

[1:05:04] turns into

[1:05:05] a tune

[1:05:05] like your

[1:05:05] recommendation

[1:05:06] so

[1:05:08] Sicario

[1:05:10] watch it

[1:05:11] and it

[1:05:11] gets pretty

[1:05:12] intense

[1:05:13] alright

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:15] I'm gonna

[1:05:16] recommend a

[1:05:16] movie that

[1:05:17] I originally

[1:05:17] planned to

[1:05:18] recommend

[1:05:18] at one of

[1:05:19] our live

[1:05:20] shows

[1:05:20] but we

[1:05:20] didn't do

[1:05:21] recommendations

[1:05:21] for those

[1:05:22] we had

[1:05:22] watched the

[1:05:23] film Entourage

[1:05:23] and I

[1:05:24] decided to

[1:05:24] recommend

[1:05:25] a movie

[1:05:25] about a

[1:05:26] slightly more

[1:05:27] likable

[1:05:27] group of

[1:05:28] young people

[1:05:28] than the

[1:05:29] Entourage

[1:05:29] group

[1:05:29] which is

[1:05:30] class of

[1:05:33] 1984

[1:05:33] which is

[1:05:35] one of

[1:05:36] the

[1:05:36] classic

[1:05:37] punk

[1:05:38] movies

[1:05:39] and that

[1:05:39] is a

[1:05:39] movie about

[1:05:40] how

[1:05:40] punk

[1:05:41] teens

[1:05:41] are a

[1:05:42] menace

[1:05:42] who will

[1:05:43] rape and

[1:05:43] kill people

[1:05:44] but the

[1:05:44] movie ends

[1:05:45] up being

[1:05:46] such an

[1:05:46] antisocial

[1:05:47] enjoyable

[1:05:47] piece of

[1:05:48] trash

[1:05:48] that it's

[1:05:49] kind of

[1:05:49] more

[1:05:49] punk

[1:05:50] than they

[1:05:50] meant

[1:05:50] it to

[1:05:50] be

[1:05:51] that's

[1:05:51] not a

[1:05:52] surprise

[1:05:52] it's

[1:05:52] directed

[1:05:53] by Mark

[1:05:53] Lester

[1:05:53] who you

[1:05:54] know best

[1:05:54] as the

[1:05:55] director

[1:05:55] of

[1:05:55] Commando

[1:05:56] another

[1:05:57] movie

[1:05:57] that

[1:05:57] is such

[1:05:58] trash

[1:05:58] that it

[1:05:58] becomes

[1:05:59] brilliant

[1:06:00] and it

[1:06:01] stars

[1:06:02] a whole

[1:06:02] slew of

[1:06:03] stars

[1:06:03] timothy

[1:06:04] van

[1:06:04] patten

[1:06:04] roddy

[1:06:05] mcdowell

[1:06:06] michael j

[1:06:07] fox

[1:06:07] before he

[1:06:07] put the

[1:06:08] j in his

[1:06:08] name when

[1:06:09] he was

[1:06:09] just

[1:06:09] michael fox

[1:06:10] whoa

[1:06:11] and it's

[1:06:11] it's all

[1:06:12] about how

[1:06:13] these kids

[1:06:13] in the

[1:06:13] 80s

[1:06:14] with their

[1:06:14] punk

[1:06:14] music

[1:06:15] and their

[1:06:15] crazy

[1:06:15] haircuts

[1:06:16] are gonna

[1:06:17] start acting

[1:06:17] up

[1:06:18] swearing

[1:06:18] at teachers

[1:06:19] and running

[1:06:21] drug rings

[1:06:22] and prostitution

[1:06:22] rings out of

[1:06:23] the backs of

[1:06:23] nightclubs

[1:06:24] and killing

[1:06:25] people

[1:06:25] and it's

[1:06:27] a super

[1:06:29] crazy

[1:06:29] enjoyable

[1:06:30] movie

[1:06:30] except for

[1:06:31] a sexual

[1:06:32] assault scene

[1:06:33] that I did

[1:06:33] not care

[1:06:33] for

[1:06:34] that I

[1:06:34] watched

[1:06:34] again

[1:06:34] recently

[1:06:35] having

[1:06:36] not seen

[1:06:37] it in a

[1:06:37] long time

[1:06:38] and I'd

[1:06:38] forgotten

[1:06:38] about this

[1:06:39] scene

[1:06:39] somehow

[1:06:39] and I

[1:06:40] did not

[1:06:40] like that

[1:06:40] part

[1:06:41] that was

[1:06:41] unnecessary

[1:06:42] but otherwise

[1:06:42] it's

[1:06:43] if you wanted

[1:06:44] to see a

[1:06:44] band teacher

[1:06:45] this is for

[1:06:46] funky winker

[1:06:46] being fans

[1:06:47] out there

[1:06:47] if you want

[1:06:48] to see a

[1:06:48] band teacher

[1:06:49] get his

[1:06:50] life ruined

[1:06:51] by a bunch

[1:06:52] of crazy

[1:06:52] punk teens

[1:06:53] who have

[1:06:53] the greatest

[1:06:54] wardrobes

[1:06:54] maybe in the

[1:06:55] history of

[1:06:56] film

[1:06:56] and then

[1:06:57] he gets

[1:06:58] revenge on

[1:06:58] them by

[1:06:59] killing all

[1:07:00] of them

[1:07:00] then

[1:07:01] this is the

[1:07:02] movie for

[1:07:02] you

[1:07:02] class of

[1:07:03] 1984

[1:07:03] theme song

[1:07:05] by Alice

[1:07:05] Cooper

[1:07:05] alright

[1:07:07] well he

[1:07:07] sang it

[1:07:08] he didn't

[1:07:08] write it

[1:07:09] alright

[1:07:09] Jesus

Dan McCoy

[1:07:10] jump down

[1:07:12] my throat

[1:07:13] yeah you're

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:15] not the

[1:07:16] cat from

[1:07:16] Tales from

[1:07:16] the Dark

[1:07:17] Side

[1:07:17] the movie

[1:07:18] and Dan's

[1:07:19] not Buster

[1:07:20] Poindexter

[1:07:20] star of

[1:07:22] Freejack

[1:07:23] supporting

[1:07:24] character

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:24] is not even

[1:07:26] the second

[1:07:27] lead from

[1:07:27] Freejack

[1:07:28] who is it

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:30] Mick

[1:07:30] Jagster

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:30] you're

[1:07:32] better off

[1:07:33] calling him

[1:07:33] the star

[1:07:34] of Scrooge

[1:07:35] which he's

[1:07:35] also not

[1:07:36] the star

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:36] of

[1:07:36] he just

[1:07:37] plays the

[1:07:37] cabbie

[1:07:38] the main

[1:07:39] character

[1:07:39] he's the taxi cab

Dan McCoy

[1:07:39] ghost of the

[1:07:40] past

[1:07:41] now how much

[1:07:41] does the jack

[1:07:42] cost for that

[1:07:43] movie

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:45] probably

[1:07:45] $25

[1:07:46] really

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:48] or best

[1:07:48] offer

[1:07:49] surprisingly

[1:07:49] expensive

[1:07:49] because it's

[1:07:52] GMO free

[1:07:54] free range

[1:07:55] jack

[1:07:56] it's

[1:07:57] free range

[1:07:57] grass fed

[1:07:58] jack

[1:07:58] it's healthier

[1:07:59] that way

[1:08:00] it's kangaroo

[1:08:00] jack

[1:08:00] which

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:02] do not

[1:08:03] want

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:04] what if

[1:08:05] Mick Jagger

[1:08:05] pulled

[1:08:06] kangaroo

[1:08:06] jack

[1:08:07] from the

[1:08:07] past

[1:08:07] in Freejack

[1:08:08] how disappointed

[1:08:09] would he be

[1:08:10] when he's like

[1:08:10] I thought you

[1:08:11] were gonna be

[1:08:12] rapping kangaroo

[1:08:13] but you're just

[1:08:13] a regular kangaroo

[1:08:14] that was a

[1:08:15] dream sequence

[1:08:16] or something

[1:08:16] yeah

[1:08:17] can't get

[1:08:18] no satisfaction

[1:08:19] under your

[1:08:21] thumb

[1:08:21] rue

[1:08:22] perfect

[1:08:24] keep going

[1:08:25] how many other

[1:08:25] songs

[1:08:26] do you know

[1:08:26] the beast of

[1:08:27] burden

[1:08:27] in this case

[1:08:27] would be

[1:08:28] kangaroo

[1:08:28] of course

[1:08:29] I'm just

[1:08:29] waiting for a

[1:08:30] friend

[1:08:30] wild kangaroos

[1:08:31] couldn't drag me

[1:08:32] away

[1:08:33] yeah exactly

Dan McCoy

[1:08:33] voodoo lounge

[1:08:35] brown sugar

[1:08:35] clearly is the

[1:08:36] brown of the

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:37] kangaroos

[1:08:37] pelt

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:37] and the sweetness

[1:08:40] of the pouch

[1:08:41] so they keep

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:44] all their treats

[1:08:45] other rolling

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:45] stone songs

[1:08:46] sympathy for the

[1:08:48] kangaroo

[1:08:49] painted

[1:08:49] painted jack

[1:08:51] it's called

[1:08:51] kangaroo jack

[1:08:52] painted jack

[1:08:53] painted sack

[1:08:54] because the

[1:08:56] famous kangaroo

[1:08:57] scrotum

[1:08:58] which they

[1:09:00] turned into

[1:09:00] what

[1:09:00] bagpipes

[1:09:01] their famous

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:03] song

[1:09:04] can't you

[1:09:04] hear me

[1:09:04] jacking

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:05] all right

[1:09:08] and of course

[1:09:09] who could forget

[1:09:10] damn give me a

[1:09:12] jack sucker

[1:09:12] blues

[1:09:13] there you go

[1:09:13] the unreleased

[1:09:14] stone song

Dan McCoy

[1:09:15] not jumping

[1:09:16] jack flash

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:16] oh shit

[1:09:18] oh snap

[1:09:20] there's a line

[1:09:21] on the ground

[1:09:22] and you walked

[1:09:22] right past it

[1:09:23] i did not see it

[1:09:24] i'm picking up

[1:09:25] pennies and there's

[1:09:26] a gold bar sitting

[1:09:27] right in front of

[1:09:28] me

Dan McCoy

[1:09:28] steward that's how

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:31] it works

Dan McCoy

[1:09:31] that's how it

[1:09:33] works

[1:09:33] so uh but

[1:09:35] anyway for the

[1:09:37] flop house i've

[1:09:38] been dan mccoy

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:39] i've been steward

[1:09:41] wellington

[1:09:41] i'm elliot

[1:09:43] kalen and

[1:09:44] that's the end

[1:09:45] of the show

[1:09:46] we sir

[1:09:46] names and say

[1:09:47] goodbye and

[1:09:48] that's how it

[1:09:49] works

[1:09:49] aloha

[1:09:51] hello

[1:09:51] those bloopers

[1:09:55] are going to the

[1:09:56] poopers too

[1:09:56] tonight on

[1:09:59] pooper bloopers

[1:10:00] your favorite

[1:10:01] collection video

[1:10:02] of bloopers

[1:10:03] of people failing

[1:10:04] to use the

[1:10:05] toilet properly

[1:10:05] why was a

[1:10:07] camera on them

[1:10:08] who knows

[1:10:09] but but that's

[1:10:11] not a toilet

[1:10:12] that's a sink

[1:10:13] goi

[1:10:14] those aren't

[1:10:14] kids those are

[1:10:15] normal adults

[1:10:16] what's going on

[1:10:17] this guy just

[1:10:19] can't seem to

[1:10:20] get the paper

[1:10:20] to his anus

[1:10:21] let's watch

[1:10:24] what happens

[1:10:25] live

[1:10:26] it's called

[1:10:28] uh

[1:10:28] poopers and

[1:10:29] recticle jokes

[1:10:30] the sergio

[1:10:34] argonis cartoons

[1:10:35] are disgusting

[1:10:36] dick craps

[1:10:37] poopers

[1:10:38] dick craps

Dan McCoy

[1:10:40] poopers and

[1:10:41] recticle jokes

[1:10:42] uh okay

[1:10:45] maximumfun.org

[1:10:49] comedy and culture

[1:10:50] artist owned

[1:10:51] listener supported

[1:10:52] let's be honest

[1:10:55] we live in a world

[1:10:55] with too much media

[1:10:56] you need a podcast

[1:10:57] on the front lines

[1:10:58] figuring out what's

[1:10:59] great

S4

[1:11:00] we're here for you

[1:11:01] we're pop rocket

[1:11:02] i am guy branham

[1:11:03] i'm a comedian

[1:11:04] i'm winter mitchell

[1:11:05] i call myself a

[1:11:06] digital strategist

[1:11:07] i'm oliver wing

Dan McCoy

[1:11:08] academic and disc

[1:11:09] junkie

S4

[1:11:10] margaret wappler

[1:11:11] je suis

[1:11:11] as journalist

Dan McCoy

[1:11:12] and we watch

[1:11:14] listen to and read

[1:11:15] everything so that

[1:11:16] you don't have to

[1:11:17] and then we tell you

[1:11:17] about all the things

[1:11:18] that you'll love to love

S4

[1:11:19] find us in itunes

[1:11:20] or wherever you

[1:11:21] download podcasts

[1:11:22] pop rocket

Dan McCoy

[1:11:23] every wednesday

[1:11:24] from MaximumFun.org.

Ep. #196 - Aloha

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