Ep. #198 - The Cobbler

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we watched The Cobbler.

Stuart Wellington

[0:04] Starring.

[0:06] Shoes.

[0:07] And.

[0:08] Other shoes.

[0:11] Sandler.

[0:12] Sandals.

[0:14] The resort.

[0:30] Hey, everyone.

Dan McCoy

[0:41] Welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:43] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:44] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:46] And I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:48] Rounding it out.

[0:50] All three of us.

[0:51] The delightful scamp.

Elliott Kalan

[0:53] America's favorite rascal.

[0:55] Elliot Kalin.

Stuart Wellington

[0:56] And we're your handlers.

Elliott Kalan

[0:58] Yeah.

[0:59] I'm like.

[0:59] Yeah.

[1:00] My handlers.

[1:00] That's why we're wearing these gloves.

[1:01] Yeah.

[1:02] And that's why you have to lock me back up in a cage at the end of the night.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05] And that's why I have to spray myself with Elliot urine.

[1:09] Just to get me interested in you.

[1:10] Yeah.

[1:10] Just to get him interested in hanging out with me.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13] Where do you get my urine again, by the way?

Stuart Wellington

[1:16] I have to collect it from, I guess, like benches and trees from the area.

[1:22] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22] Yeah.

[1:23] That's where I put it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25] And little jars.

[1:26] Yeah.

[1:27] Little apple juice.

[1:28] Mott's apple juice jars.

[1:29] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29] Mott's apple juice jars.

[1:31] And Modelo beer bottles.

[1:33] I mean.

[1:35] Tastes delicious.

[1:36] That's what Stuart's drinking out of.

[1:37] You can't see it.

[1:38] It's a visual gag.

Dan McCoy

[1:41] Yeah.

[1:41] Imagine now Stuart's doing a spit take.

[1:43] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[1:44] Patooey, patooey, gross.

Elliott Kalan

[1:46] We're done.

[1:47] Oh, and also his eyes popped out and he turned into like a steam whistle.

[1:51] Ah, his eyes popped out.

[1:52] He turned into like a steam whistle and his hands turned into mallets.

[1:55] It stretched out my optic nerves.

[1:56] Hit himself with the mallet really hard because I guess he saw like a sexy lady or something.

[2:01] Now he's banging on the table.

[2:02] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[2:03] My eyeballs are hanging out of my head.

[2:05] Somebody pulling my toenails real hard to pull them back in.

Elliott Kalan

[2:08] Yeah.

[2:08] That works.

[2:09] Cartoon biology.

[2:10] They teach you that in the cartoon medical schools.

[2:13] Mm-hmm.

[2:14] How to handle somebody whose eyes popped out of their head or they were flattened by something.

[2:17] Usually there's a lot of inflating or deflating.

Stuart Wellington

[2:19] Yeah, or like how to unzip somebody's skin to just get their skeleton right out.

[2:22] Yeah, so you can set their bones and put them back in.

[2:26] Mm-hmm.

[2:27] Yeah.

[2:28] You got to play their ribcage like a xylophone first.

Dan McCoy

[2:31] Yeah, that's why I went to a music conservatory to learn how to play it.

Elliott Kalan

[2:34] Cartoon music conservatory.

[2:35] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[2:36] Human ribcage.

Elliott Kalan

[2:37] Xylo.

[2:37] I mean, it wouldn't surprise you, I guess, how many duck bill refastenings we have to do

[2:42] back at the cartoon ER.

[2:43] Ducks get shot, blown up, bill gets spun around, you got to reattach it.

[2:47] The hard part is reattaching the bill to the throat.

[2:50] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[2:51] Takes a lot of clamps.

[2:52] Oh, okay.

[2:53] Yeah.

[2:53] That's how a bill becomes a law.

Elliott Kalan

[2:56] Kids, it's all on the test.

[2:58] Remember it for later.

Dan McCoy

[3:00] So this podcast is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[3:04] I'm glad you took us back to first principles.

[3:07] Yeah.

[3:08] Well, some people might think it's a tautology.

[3:10] I think you just need to know.

Elliott Kalan

[3:14] Tautology.

[3:14] Your ology is so taut, Dan.

[3:16] Have you been working out?

[3:17] Well, thank you.

[3:19] So yeah, so we do this podcast and we talk about movies.

[3:22] Just let that linger there.

Dan McCoy

[3:23] Just let that sink like a stone.

[3:25] A little pregnant pause.

[3:27] All over the bottom of the ocean.

[3:28] An aborted pregnancy.

[3:31] Don't like it.

[3:31] Don't like it at all.

Elliott Kalan

[3:33] You know what, Dan?

[3:34] I'm going to let you keep going down the dead end that you're on and Stuart and I can go down a different road.

[3:38] Vroom, vroom.

[3:39] Honk, honk.

[3:41] Whee!

[3:44] The car doesn't even have gas or wheels.

Stuart Wellington

[3:49] Seems to be some kind of a TV box.

Elliott Kalan

[3:53] Let me put another quarter in this so that it'll vibrate around in front of the drugstore a little bit longer and keep Dan busy so he can get started on the podcast.

[4:02] Dan, and by that I mean Stuart.

[4:04] Yes?

[4:05] What was the movie we watched?

[4:06] We watched a movie called The Cobbler.

[4:08] Now a lot of people have been asking us to do this movie because they hate us.

[4:11] They know how much we love dessert.

[4:13] Yeah, yeah.

[4:14] Dan, what is a cobbler?

Dan McCoy

[4:15] You're a baker.

[4:16] It's kind of like a grunt.

[4:18] What does that mean?

[4:20] It's a little bit like a crisp.

[4:21] Okay.

[4:22] What's a grunt?

[4:23] A grunt is like...

Elliott Kalan

[4:24] Like I'm familiar with the Brothers Grunt.

[4:26] They wore wingtips and just boxer shorts or board shorts and were a kind of bad way to set up a framework for music videos on MTV.

Dan McCoy

[4:34] A grunt is a cobbler that has basically biscuits on top of it.

[4:37] Okay.

[4:38] And what's a cobbler?

[4:39] A cobbler.

Elliott Kalan

[4:39] Since you now explained a cobbler by comparing it to a grunt and a grunt by comparing it to a cobbler.

Stuart Wellington

[4:43] When Goldberry came to the door, it was as if an elf meaden had come to the door.

[4:48] A thing that has not shown up in this book yet.

Dan McCoy

[4:51] Cobbler's a fruit thing that has more of a...

[4:54] Fruit thing.

[4:54] So like fruit by the foot?

[4:55] A pastry top?

[4:56] Is it more like a gusher?

[4:58] A loose pastry top.

Elliott Kalan

[4:59] Oh, tie that thing on or else...

[5:00] Not like a pie.

[5:02] That pastry's going to lose its top and Willie Tulsol's going to have to return it in the Great Cobbler Off-Road Adventure.

Dan McCoy

[5:08] And a crisp, you know, it has like...

[5:11] He's the bad guy from Kindergarten Cop.

[5:13] And sugar and butter all mixed together.

Elliott Kalan

[5:15] He's the author of The Naked Civil Servant.

[5:17] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[5:17] So what's a cobbler?

Stuart Wellington

[5:19] Because I talked through most of the explanation.

Elliott Kalan

[5:22] So it's like a fruit snack.

Stuart Wellington

[5:23] Yeah.

[5:24] But it's a pastry.

Elliott Kalan

[5:26] That's what I said.

[5:27] Oh, okay.

Dan McCoy

[5:27] Is it like a gusher?

[5:29] It's one of them juicy frites.

Elliott Kalan

[5:31] Here's a juicy frites.

[5:33] Is that a fried juicy from France?

[5:35] Yeah.

[5:37] I'll have a steak juicy frites.

[5:40] Now, can you roll it up?

[5:43] Because I love a prudent roll-up form.

Dan McCoy

[5:46] You could.

[5:46] You probably get your hands pretty messy, though.

Elliott Kalan

[5:48] Now, vis-a-vis girt, does it go?

Stuart Wellington

[5:52] Yeah.

[5:52] Can you just take a cobbler on the go?

[5:56] Roll it up or something?

[5:57] I mean, you can take most things on the go.

[5:59] Not anvils.

Dan McCoy

[6:00] That's true.

[6:02] Not blue whales.

[6:03] Yeah.

[6:04] All right.

[6:04] I mean, I guess most things is probably a fast overstated.

[6:07] Not like a five-foot-long party zone.

Elliott Kalan

[6:09] Yeah, like how many planets or stars can I take on the go?

[6:12] Answer all of them.

Dan McCoy

[6:13] They're always moving through space.

[6:14] There's almost an infinite number of things that cannot be taken on the go.

Elliott Kalan

[6:18] Thank you.

[6:18] Speaking of things that don't really go, just kind of sit around and don't do a lot,

[6:22] The Cobbler, starring Adam Sandler.

[6:24] And directed and written by Tom McCarthy.

[6:26] Currently nominated for a bunch of Oscars, right?

[6:28] For Spotlight?

[6:29] For The Cobbler.

[6:30] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[6:31] Cobbler.

[6:32] For Best Cobbling.

[6:33] Tom McCarthy, whose work in the past I've enjoyed quite a lot.

[6:37] I liked Spotlight.

[6:38] Yeah.

[6:38] I liked, he did Win Win.

[6:40] He did Win Win.

[6:40] I liked that.

[6:41] Station Agent.

[6:42] I haven't seen that still.

[6:43] I liked The Visitor.

[6:44] I bumped into Tom McCarthy outside a screening of his Win Win.

[6:47] He was about to come in and talk to people and I had to go out early.

[6:50] But I was like, I gave him one of those, I liked your movie thumbs ups.

Elliott Kalan

[6:54] Oh, as opposed to those, I hated your movie thumbs ups.

[6:56] Yeah, that's right.

[6:56] Where you just go, it sucked.

[6:57] And you put the thumbs up.

Dan McCoy

[6:59] So I've got fond feelings for this man who put together.

[7:02] Because he saw his face.

[7:03] That's a great movie.

Elliott Kalan

[7:04] This movie, not quite so good as the others in that it was not good.

[7:08] So let's talk about the basic premise.

[7:10] It's a bit of magical realism rooted in, let's call it.

[7:13] It usually works in movie form.

[7:15] Almost always.

[7:16] And rooted in a very specific sort of.

[7:19] Plezmer music.

[7:20] Yeah.

[7:21] Let's call it Jewish folk mysticism or magical realism.

[7:25] It's a fairy tale, if you will, with a heavy bed of klezmer music that is at times almost indistinguishable, as Stuart pointed out, from Squirrel Nut Zippers music.

[7:35] There is a cobbler, played by Adam Sandler.

[7:39] He hates being a cobbler.

[7:40] Well, we start out in the past.

[7:41] It's the 1930s.

[7:43] And some evil land developer is trying to raise the rent so that all these Jewish craftsmen of different types are going to be run out of their stores.

[7:51] And one of them says, hey.

[7:52] So they have a break-in competition to keep the land developer at bay.

[7:57] I wish.

[7:58] In fact, actually, I don't wish.

[7:59] The last thing I need to see is like, these Jews are going to start breakdancing.

[8:03] What?

[8:04] Cobbler.

[8:06] Oh.

Stuart Wellington

[8:07] Come on.

[8:07] Yeah, they could just borrow a breakdance or shoes.

[8:10] Oh, wait.

[8:10] We haven't even got to the magic shoes part of the story yet.

Elliott Kalan

[8:12] There's magic shoes.

[8:12] But this establishes that there's a magic shoe machine where if you.

[8:17] The Miami shoe machine.

[8:21] Gloria Estefan's shoe store, the Miami shoe machine, was not as successful.

[8:26] I'll tell you why.

[8:27] They kept wanting to turn the feet around.

[8:30] Oh.

[8:31] But that's not how feet work.

[8:32] They only point in one direction.

[8:34] And if you try to wear shoes that point the other direction, you will hurt your feet.

[8:37] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[8:38] You'll fall over.

[8:40] So.

[8:41] There's a magic.

[8:42] There's a magic shoe machine.

[8:43] Stuart has been.

[8:44] By the way, this whole time, Stuart's been playing with the cat.

[8:46] And I have to remove the cat toy from Stuart's hands.

Elliott Kalan

[8:49] Just trying to keep it.

[8:50] Trying to keep Archie occupied.

[8:52] Just trying to keep it real.

Dan McCoy

[8:53] I don't think it's less distracting than Archie doing what Archie normally does.

[8:57] Which is what?

Elliott Kalan

[8:58] Like conga dance?

[8:59] That's right.

[9:00] Yeah.

[9:01] That would be very distracting.

[9:03] Or just like hurl fish heads at us.

[9:05] That would also be distracting.

Stuart Wellington

[9:06] Practice is Awesome Powers impression.

Elliott Kalan

[9:10] Do I make you horny?

[9:11] Meow meow.

[9:12] Archie Powers.

Stuart Wellington

[9:13] Shag it out like my wife.

[9:15] Et cetera.

[9:16] How did Borat get in there?

[9:17] I don't know.

[9:18] Why not?

[9:19] I feel like Awesome Powers would probably be up for doing some Borat impressions.

[9:22] Groovy.

Elliott Kalan

[9:22] Welcome to Jurassic Park.

[9:26] Archie.

Stuart Wellington

[9:27] I mean that movie predates Austin Powers by a number of years.

[9:31] Yeah.

[9:31] So Austin Powers would have seen it.

[9:33] They didn't cover every moment of the time that he spent in our future.

[9:37] You're right.

Elliott Kalan

[9:37] There was a point when they thought him out to stop Dr. Evil.

[9:41] At a certain point he said, I keep hearing about this groovy dinosaur movie.

[9:45] You gotta show it to me, baby.

[9:48] Uh-huh.

[9:49] My wife.

[9:50] You're not even married and that movie doesn't exist yet.

Stuart Wellington

[9:53] Play it, Sam.

Elliott Kalan

[9:55] Well, you said the line correctly, so okay, that's fair.

[9:58] You didn't say play it again, Sam.

[10:00] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[10:01] He started saying, my wife.

[10:02] This guy calls up his cousin.

[10:04] He's like, Sasha, it's your cousin.

[10:07] It's your cousin, Jamie Baron Cohen.

Elliott Kalan

[10:09] You know that catchphrase you've been looking for?

[10:12] Well, listen to this.

[10:13] Say it again, Austin.

[10:14] Say what?

[10:15] I don't understand.

[10:16] I'm not even trying to do an Austin Powers voice.

[10:20] The idea of doing one is so demeaning to me

[10:24] that I'm not even trying.

[10:29] This is my Austin Powers impression.

[10:32] Yeah, baby.

Dan McCoy

[10:33] That's the new character.

[10:35] Elliot Kalin, the impressionist with too much self-respect.

Elliott Kalan

[10:38] I'm not going to pretend I'm somebody else.

[10:40] I love me for me.

[10:41] Now, here's my Jimmy Carter.

[10:42] It's me, the president, Jimmy Carter.

[10:44] I've got lust in my heart.

[10:46] Thank you.

[10:47] Yeah, I mean, that's something you said in text, too,

[10:48] in an interview, not, you know.

[10:51] Austin Powers said that?

[10:53] Austin Powers said it all the time.

[10:55] Yeah.

[10:56] Woo.

[10:57] Okay.

[10:58] So, Austin Cat Powers.

[10:59] Yep.

[11:00] So, there's a magic shoe machine.

[11:02] If you repair a pair of shoes with this machine

[11:05] and then put them on.

[11:06] Sounds absurd when you say it.

[11:08] Can you let me finish explaining

[11:09] what the magic shoe machine does?

[11:11] It doesn't make shoes.

[11:12] No.

[11:12] It's not magic.

[11:14] It doesn't make magic shoes.

[11:15] But if you repair a pair of shoes with it

[11:17] and you put the shoes on,

[11:19] you instantly become,

[11:21] just in appearance and voice,

[11:22] the person whose shoes,

[11:24] who they belong to.

[11:25] Who the shoes they belong to.

[11:26] Yeah.

[11:26] Them at that exact moment in time.

Dan McCoy

[11:29] Yes.

[11:29] You look like them

[11:30] at that exact moment in time.

[11:31] And sound like them.

[11:32] And sound like them.

[11:33] And sound like them, apparently.

[11:35] Apparently, yeah.

[11:35] It's not like a being John Malkovich

[11:37] where you get ported into that actual person.

[11:39] You just become their exact clone.

[11:41] Yeah, it's a real William Wilson type scenario.

[11:43] But you can maintain your own consciousness.

Elliott Kalan

[11:46] And in fact,

[11:47] that's one of the failings of Adam Sandler's

[11:48] many plans to do that in this movie

[11:50] is that he's an idiot.

[11:51] And when he becomes someone else,

[11:53] he doesn't try to act like they would.

[11:55] He just acts like himself

[11:56] or acts surprised.

[11:57] He's constantly amazed at what happens.

[11:59] Yeah.

[11:59] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[12:00] What?

Elliott Kalan

[12:01] I'm pretending to be this person.

[12:02] I can't believe what's happening.

[12:04] Why are you treating me like this person

[12:06] that I'm pretending to be

[12:07] and who I look like?

[12:08] Now, okay.

[12:10] Let's take it from the beginning.

[12:11] So, Magic Shoe Machine.

[12:13] Adam Sandler is running this shoe store.

[12:15] He's a fourth-generation cobbler.

[12:16] He doesn't like it.

[12:17] He's on the Chinatown Lower East Side

[12:20] area of New York.

Dan McCoy

[12:21] And he's supposed to just be

[12:22] like a depressed, humble man.

[12:24] But as we were saying before,

[12:26] the movie sort of overshoots

[12:28] and gets into Forrest Gump territory.

[12:30] He seems like he may have

[12:32] some sort of problem.

Elliott Kalan

[12:34] It both overshoots

[12:35] into possible mental difficulties area.

[12:38] And also, he's a kind of withdrawn loner

[12:41] who is brought out of his shell

[12:42] by what happens.

[12:43] But they go too far

[12:45] into almost like Travis Bickle territory

[12:47] where he's like a creepy guy.

[12:49] He's like a creepy, awkward loner.

Stuart Wellington

[12:50] I mean, when we last caught up

[12:52] with our buddy Adam Sandler.

[12:55] Sandman.

[12:55] The Sandman.

[12:56] Yeah, the Sandman.

[12:57] When last we entered Sandman.

[12:59] Yeah, that was in

[12:59] Men, Women, and Children, right?

[13:01] Yeah.

[13:02] A movie that also,

[13:03] it looked like he, you know,

[13:04] rolled out of bed

[13:05] riding to start shooting.

[13:07] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[13:08] He doesn't shave for his movies.

[13:11] No, I mean, why would he?

[13:12] It's cold outside.

Dan McCoy

[13:14] That's a good point.

[13:15] It's a very good point.

Elliott Kalan

[13:16] I mean, it is currently cold outside.

[13:19] It actually looks quite warm in the movie

[13:20] even though he's always

[13:21] wearing a coat and scarf.

[13:22] And here's the thing.

[13:24] Here's a tip for anyone.

[13:25] You gotta have a hook, man.

[13:26] A coat and scarf.

[13:27] Anyone who gets a magic shoe machine

[13:29] that lets you become another person,

[13:31] don't wear the same coat and scarf

[13:32] you wear all the time.

Dan McCoy

[13:33] Maybe.

[13:33] But how will the audience

[13:34] know it's you then?

Elliott Kalan

[13:35] Because maybe they've been

[13:36] paying attention to the movie.

Dan McCoy

[13:38] Yeah, it does feel like

[13:39] a weird comic book-y thing.

[13:41] If a comic book character

[13:42] had this power,

[13:43] there would be some indicator

[13:44] at all times

[13:45] whether they were using the thing.

Stuart Wellington

[13:46] Yeah.

[13:47] It is also a moment

[13:48] for the director to be like,

[13:49] my audience is pretty stupid.

[13:51] Well, maybe.

[13:52] They're not gonna be able

[13:53] to follow this.

[13:53] They're just gonna think

[13:54] we're following a random person

[13:56] around for some reason.

Dan McCoy

[13:57] So we'll give him

[13:58] a big moose print tie

[13:59] that he wears around.

[14:01] Or scarf, I mean.

Stuart Wellington

[14:02] Or maybe he's hoping

[14:03] that that coat and that scarf

[14:06] will be like an Easter egg

[14:07] that people will be like

[14:08] when they're super pumped about it,

[14:09] they just finish the movie

[14:10] and they're like,

[14:11] let's start it back up again

[14:12] so I can see all the cool things

[14:14] that I missed.

[14:14] And they're watching it again

[14:15] and they're like,

[14:16] oh my god,

[14:16] that guy was wearing a tie.

[14:18] He was a zombie the whole time.

Elliott Kalan

[14:19] Or whatever.

[14:20] And then more like

[14:20] they were hoping

[14:21] it would catch on

[14:22] and become like,

[14:23] like there was the Annie Hall look,

[14:24] there would be the cobbler look,

[14:26] which would be wearing

[14:26] a long coat,

[14:27] long brown coat

[14:28] and a brightly colored scarf.

[14:30] And people would be like,

[14:31] hey, great Tom Baker costume.

[14:33] No, I'm the cobbler.

[14:34] Come on.

S4

[14:35] I'm the cobbler.

[14:37] Stop confusing me

[14:38] with the doctor.

Elliott Kalan

[14:40] Because I'll tell you this,

[14:41] Tom McCarthy and M. Sandler,

[14:42] the coat with a colorful scarf look

[14:44] has already been taken.

[14:46] You've been diagnosed

Stuart Wellington

[14:47] with stealing intellectual property.

Elliott Kalan

[14:50] Come up with something else.

[14:51] You've been diagnosed

[14:52] and you're going to hospital jail.

[14:56] So he is unhappy.

[14:59] He doesn't like it.

[15:00] He is told that there's an old man

[15:03] who is the last living person

[15:05] in his apartment building

[15:06] and is trying to be run out

[15:07] by evil developers

[15:08] who want to tear down the building

[15:09] and build a block

[15:11] of high-rise condos

[15:12] for the young rich people,

[15:13] I'm guessing.

[15:15] He also works next door.

[15:17] His name is Max.

[15:18] Just as we can call him Max.

[15:19] He lives next door

[15:20] or works next door rather

[15:21] to Jimmy,

[15:22] played by Steve Buscemi,

[15:23] who is a barber

[15:24] who loves pickles

[15:24] and has always given

[15:26] Max pickles to eat.

[15:27] And advice.

[15:28] And advice,

[15:28] but mainly pickles.

[15:30] And they have a close relationship.

[15:31] They're best friends,

[15:32] longtime family friends.

[15:33] Max lives in Sheepshead Bay

[15:35] with his mother.

[15:36] His dad,

[15:37] they think,

[15:37] is dead.

[15:38] And Max,

[15:39] how did he discover

[15:40] that the shoe machine,

[15:41] I guess his regular shoe machine,

[15:43] breaks down?

[15:44] Method Man brings in

[15:45] a pair of shoes.

[15:46] Method Man playing,

[15:47] of course,

[15:48] a college professor.

[15:49] No, just kidding.

[15:49] He's playing some kind

[15:50] of drug-dealing thug

[15:51] because of the two

[15:52] black characters in the movie,

[15:54] one is a criminal thug

[15:55] and the other is a kid

[15:57] who is made fun of

[15:57] for being fat

[15:58] a number of times.

[15:59] An obese child.

[16:00] Yeah.

[16:01] And so,

[16:02] Adam Sandler's

[16:03] regular,

[16:04] non-magical shoe machine

[16:05] breaks down.

[16:06] So he decides to repair them

[16:08] with his antique shoe machine.

[16:09] And then,

[16:10] I guess he's just curious

[16:11] about shoes

[16:11] and wants to try them on

[16:12] because they're the same size

[16:13] he wears.

Dan McCoy

[16:14] Yeah.

[16:15] Yeah,

[16:15] you know,

[16:15] he doesn't have a lot

[16:16] in his life.

[16:17] He's a cobbler.

[16:19] That's how he gets

[16:19] his illicit thrills.

Stuart Wellington

[16:20] I mean,

[16:21] when you spend all day

[16:22] slaving over

[16:22] a hot pair of shoes,

[16:23] you want to slip your dogs

[16:25] right in them, dude.

[16:26] That's true.

Elliott Kalan

[16:26] Yeah.

[16:27] Now,

[16:27] what he really needs,

[16:28] and this would make

[16:29] his life a lot earlier,

[16:30] is a staff of magical elves

[16:31] that do the work for him

[16:32] at night.

[16:33] I mean,

Stuart Wellington

[16:33] the movie would be great

[16:35] if they had,

[16:36] like,

[16:36] magical elf characters

[16:37] or,

[16:37] like,

[16:38] a talking shoe machine

[16:39] character.

Elliott Kalan

[16:40] if the shoes came to life

[16:41] and only he could hear them,

[16:43] now we're talking

[16:43] a great movie.

[16:45] Shoes have tongues,

[16:46] use them to talk.

[16:47] Mm-hmm.

[16:47] And they're like,

[16:48] hey,

[16:48] ask her out.

[16:49] I think it'd be really good.

[16:50] Shut up,

[16:51] shut up.

[16:52] Did you just tell

[16:52] your shoes to shut up?

[16:53] No,

[16:53] no,

[16:54] no,

[16:54] no.

[16:54] I was telling you

[16:55] to shut up.

[16:56] Yeah,

[16:57] you.

[16:57] That's better.

[16:58] I hate you.

[16:59] Well,

Stuart Wellington

[16:59] I never.

[17:00] You just blew it,

[17:01] buddy.

[17:02] Shut up,

[17:02] shoes.

[17:03] Did you just call me

[17:04] a stupid pair of shoes?

Elliott Kalan

[17:06] No,

[17:06] no.

[17:07] But we're on a date

[17:08] at a fancy restaurant.

Dan McCoy

[17:09] I guess that's a fair

[17:10] assessment of me.

Elliott Kalan

[17:11] You know what?

[17:12] If I was a pair of shoes,

[17:13] I would be stupid

[17:14] because I'm a great person.

[17:15] Thank you for the compliment.

[17:18] Hey,

[17:18] ask her out.

[17:19] I'll be your wingtip man.

[17:20] Shut up,

[17:21] shut up.

[17:21] Did you tell me

[17:22] to shut up again?

[17:23] No,

[17:23] I swear,

[17:24] I was talking to my shoes.

[17:26] The cobbler,

[17:27] rated R.

[17:29] For extensive nudity.

[17:31] Yeah.

[17:32] Because he spends a lot of time

[17:34] having sex with the shoes.

[17:35] Did you say,

[17:36] did we describe

[17:37] what happens

[17:37] when he puts those shoes on?

[17:38] When he puts the shoes on,

[17:40] he looks like the person

[17:41] whose shoes they belong to.

[17:42] I told,

[17:43] I said that already.

Stuart Wellington

[17:44] And so,

[17:44] you're probably thinking,

[17:45] oh,

[17:46] I can't wait to watch this movie

[17:47] because I'm going to watch

[17:48] some really amazing

[17:49] CGI morphing effects.

[17:51] Nope.

[17:51] Like from the movie

[17:52] Sleepwalkers,

[17:52] where Adam Sandler

[17:53] like shakes his head

[17:54] really fast

[17:55] and he like,

[17:55] yadda,

[17:56] yadda,

[17:56] what?

[17:57] And he turns into

[17:58] Method Man all of a sudden.

[17:59] No.

[17:59] The camera just cuts away,

[18:01] cuts back.

[18:01] And then back,

Elliott Kalan

[18:02] yeah.

[18:02] It's the easiest

[18:03] and frankly better way

[18:04] to do it.

[18:05] I don't know,

[18:06] man.

[18:06] And,

[18:06] but also,

[18:08] if you're wondering,

[18:09] does he then try

[18:09] on a whole bunch of shoes

[18:10] and in the process

[18:11] do a little transphobic humor?

[18:13] Yes,

[18:14] he does.

Stuart Wellington

[18:14] Yeah.

[18:15] It is weird that those,

[18:17] that pair of pumps

[18:19] that he,

[18:20] he puts on.

[18:21] The stiletto.

[18:22] Those stiletto pumps.

[18:23] It doesn't look like

[18:23] his shoe machine would,

[18:26] I mean,

[18:26] I guess.

[18:27] Resoul them?

Dan McCoy

[18:27] Yeah.

[18:28] Because there's no soul

[18:29] on these stiletto heels?

Elliott Kalan

[18:30] Yeah.

[18:31] Dan,

[18:31] every shoe has a soul.

[18:33] It's the plot of my new

[18:33] children's movie,

[18:34] All Shoes Go to Heaven.

[18:35] It turns out people go to hell,

[18:37] but shoes go to heaven.

[18:38] But people abuse shoes

[18:40] day and night,

[18:40] walking on them,

[18:41] forcing them to slave away

[18:43] for nothing,

[18:43] so we go to hell.

Stuart Wellington

[18:44] Sounds pretty dark

[18:45] for a Pixar movie.

[18:47] Pixar loved it.

Elliott Kalan

[18:48] Jimmy Pixar,

[18:49] the head of Pixar,

[18:49] he said it was the best movie

[18:51] they've made

[18:51] since Monsters University.

[18:53] Oh, wow.

Dan McCoy

[18:56] Wow,

[18:56] damning with faint praise.

[18:58] I would have liked it

[18:59] if when he was trying

[19:00] on a bunch of different shoes,

[19:01] they did it in like

[19:02] a Pretty Woman montage style,

[19:03] though,

[19:04] where Steve Buscemi

[19:05] was like sitting there

[19:06] like giving a thumbs up

[19:07] or shit.

[19:08] Yeah,

[19:08] and walk like a man plays.

[19:10] Yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[19:10] or walk like an Egyptian

[19:11] and he tried on some

[19:12] ancient mummy shoes

[19:13] and turned into a ferro.

[19:14] Walking on sunshine.

[19:16] All right.

[19:17] I mean,

[19:17] any of the walking things

[19:18] would work.

Dan McCoy

[19:20] These boots are made

[19:21] for walking.

[19:21] Perfect.

Elliott Kalan

[19:22] Great,

[19:22] perfect,

[19:23] yeah.

[19:23] Why they didn't play that

[19:24] when he puts the boots on?

[19:24] Blue suede shoes.

Dan McCoy

[19:26] There you go.

Elliott Kalan

[19:27] It had to be shoe.

[19:30] All right.

Stuart Wellington

[19:31] Mad about shoe?

[19:32] We're talking about that character

[19:33] from the comic strip shoe?

Dan McCoy

[19:36] The irascible duck reporter.

Stuart Wellington

[19:39] He lives in a tree.

[19:40] Yep,

[19:41] when Adam Sandler takes him

[19:43] and stretches his little

[19:44] duck body around his feet,

Elliott Kalan

[19:46] he morphs into that comic book character.

[19:49] Wait,

[19:49] so hold on a second.

[19:51] His shoes are made

[19:52] out of his own body?

Stuart Wellington

[19:54] Because his name is shoe.

[19:56] That's what's so funny.

[19:58] He's like,

[19:58] why didn't somebody name me this?

Elliott Kalan

[20:02] So Adam Sandler

[20:03] puts on a bunch of shoes

[20:05] and he kind of,

[20:06] he now goes on

[20:07] a miniature crime spree

[20:08] where he's taking people's shoes

[20:10] and doing bad things with them.

[20:11] He's dining and dashing food.

[20:13] He's creepily stalking

[20:15] some people.

[20:16] He puts on the shoes

[20:17] of a handsome guy

[20:18] who lives near his store

[20:20] and almost

[20:21] Played by the guest

[20:22] Stan Stevens

[20:23] from downtown Abbey.

[20:25] And almost has sex

[20:25] under false pretenses

[20:26] with the guy's girlfriend

[20:28] until he realizes

[20:28] he'd have to take his shoes off.

Dan McCoy

[20:30] He gets creepily close.

[20:31] Yeah.

[20:32] She's inviting him.

[20:33] She's nude.

[20:34] She's inviting him.

[20:35] She's in the shower.

[20:35] She has an organic reason

[20:37] for being nude.

[20:38] I'm just getting there.

[20:38] She's not just swanning around nude.

[20:40] She invites him

[20:41] into the shower

[20:42] and Adam Sandler

[20:44] seems like he's totally

[20:45] into going in there

[20:46] and boning her

[20:46] until he realizes

[20:47] that he has to take

[20:49] his shoes off

[20:50] to go into the shower.

[20:51] And the movie

[20:51] does not treat this

[20:52] as if it was like

[20:54] a potential rape scene.

[20:55] It treats it as if like

[20:56] oh this would have been okay

[20:58] except for

[20:58] he can't remove his shoes.

Stuart Wellington

[21:00] Yeah.

[21:01] It treats it like

[21:02] you're like

[21:02] oh yeah he's finally

[21:03] going to get some.

[21:05] Oh wait a minute.

[21:07] Uh oh.

[21:07] The shoes.

Elliott Kalan

[21:07] Stupid shoe rules.

[21:09] I mean the joke

[21:09] on him really

[21:10] is that she's totally

[21:11] turned on

[21:12] by shoes in the shower.

[21:13] Oh wow.

[21:14] But what he doesn't know

[21:15] is that her boyfriend

[21:16] always keeps his shoes on

[21:17] when they have sex

[21:17] in the shower.

Stuart Wellington

[21:18] Yeah that's why

[21:18] I had to get him resold.

Elliott Kalan

[21:20] Yeah because they're

[21:21] constantly getting wet

[21:22] and like all gross

[21:23] from the shower.

Dan McCoy

[21:24] Mm-hmm.

[21:25] The fetish is that

[21:27] she's ruining

[21:27] these really nice shoes.

Elliott Kalan

[21:28] Yeah because what's

[21:29] what's sexier

[21:30] than being able

[21:31] to just cast off luxury

[21:33] as if it didn't matter

[21:34] to you.

[21:35] It reminds me

Dan McCoy

[21:36] of the story

[21:36] in what I was reading

Elliott Kalan

[21:38] in when Nathan Rabin

[21:39] wrote about that book

[21:40] uh what like

[21:42] Confessions of a Video Vixen

[21:43] or something like that.

[21:44] It was one of those books

[21:44] it was the book

[21:45] that uh that

[21:46] that super groupie

[21:48] super head

[21:48] uh quote

Dan McCoy

[21:49] where

[21:50] You're saying gibberish.

[21:51] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[21:51] She talks about

[21:52] going on a date

[21:53] with Fred Durst

[21:54] where Fred Durst

[21:54] ordered five meals

[21:56] five dishes

[21:56] at a restaurant

[21:57] ate a little

Stuart Wellington

[21:58] burp burp

[21:58] I kill them all

[21:59] burp.

Elliott Kalan

[22:00] No ate a little

[22:01] bit of some of them

[22:02] and then left

[22:03] and that she had like

[22:04] she was so turned on

[22:05] by his wasting of food

[22:06] because it showed

[22:07] how rich he was.

[22:08] Fred Durst

[22:10] okay.

Stuart Wellington

[22:11] Yeah.

[22:12] Not

Elliott Kalan

[22:13] not uh

[22:14] Robert Durst

Dan McCoy

[22:15] the wealthy murderer

[22:16] although he probably

Elliott Kalan

[22:18] does order food

[22:18] and not finish it

[22:19] he's very skinny.

Dan McCoy

[22:20] I like that very

[22:21] uh succinct description

[22:23] like I like to think

[22:23] that he introduces himself

[22:25] that way

[22:25] Hi I'm Robert Durst

[22:26] the wealthy murderer.

Elliott Kalan

[22:27] Perhaps you've seen me

[22:28] in The Jinx

[22:29] starring Robert Durst.

Dan McCoy

[22:30] I am very wealthy

[22:32] and I'm a murderer.

Stuart Wellington

[22:34] I am a fan of Limp Bizkit

[22:36] not a member.

Dan McCoy

[22:38] Many have made that mistake

[22:40] but I am the wealthy murderer.

Elliott Kalan

[22:43] I only kill people

[22:45] as opposed to

[22:46] the eardrums of millions

[22:47] as my half brother Fred does.

[22:52] That's rough.

[22:53] Now as to the humorist

[22:54] as to the humorist

[22:55] Will Durst

[22:56] yes he is a cousin of mine

[22:58] as far as I know

[22:59] he has murdered nothing.

Dan McCoy

[23:01] As for dust

[23:02] that is a thing

[23:03] that gets on items

[23:05] uh

[23:05] it is small particles

[23:07] it has nothing to do with us.

Elliott Kalan

[23:08] It's what we'll return to someday.

[23:10] You may be sooner

[23:11] because I'm about to murder you.

[23:12] Here's my card

[23:13] and it says

[23:14] Robert Durst murderer.

Stuart Wellington

[23:16] Comma wealthy.

Elliott Kalan

[23:18] Comma wealthy.

Stuart Wellington

[23:19] Yeah that's how you file it.

[23:20] Yeah.

[23:21] Uh so he wears those

[23:23] shoes in the shower

[23:24] I'm assuming

[23:25] because he has

[23:26] some kind of horrible

[23:27] foot fungus.

Elliott Kalan

[23:28] Yeah and now

[23:28] Adam Sandler has it

[23:29] because he wore the shoes.

Stuart Wellington

[23:31] Yeah but you know

[23:31] that's the rules of the game.

Elliott Kalan

[23:33] Uh

[23:34] I'll write

[23:34] the shoes.

[23:35] He uh

[23:36] thanks for

[23:36] translating that.

[23:39] Uh

[23:40] the he

[23:41] now

[23:41] does his mother die

[23:42] before

[23:43] well he also

[23:44] he uses the shoes

[23:45] to impersonate

[23:46] his long lost dad

[23:47] Dustin Hoffman

[23:48] and give his mother

[23:49] a night of

[23:50] romance

[23:51] that I hope

[23:52] stops at a reasonable place.

Stuart Wellington

[23:54] It's like right after

[23:55] he almost

[23:56] rapes that woman.

Elliott Kalan

[23:57] Okay but he hasn't yet

[23:58] gone into

[23:59] Method Man's apartment

[24:00] right?

[24:00] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[24:01] Okay.

[24:01] But that does cut away

[24:02] so we don't know.

[24:03] I mean Adam Sandler

[24:04] could have had sex

[24:05] with his mom.

[24:06] So it's really weird.

Elliott Kalan

[24:07] His mom is clearly

[24:08] like has dementia.

Dan McCoy

[24:10] Yeah there's a moment

[24:11] earlier on when

[24:12] Adam Sandler pulls

[24:13] a purse out of

[24:14] the microwave

[24:14] and it's played for laughs

[24:16] as if we're supposed to

Stuart Wellington

[24:16] He's like she didn't

[24:17] even start the microwave.

[24:19] It's gonna take

[24:19] forever to cook.

[24:20] If this is here

[24:21] then where's the baby?

Elliott Kalan

[24:23] Wait what?

[24:24] The baby's like

[24:25] in the closet

[24:25] with the coats I guess?

Dan McCoy

[24:27] And there's

[24:28] some unpopped

Elliott Kalan

[24:30] popcorn in the crib.

Dan McCoy

[24:32] There's a what?

[24:33] They were supposed

[24:34] to cook the baby.

Elliott Kalan

[24:35] Because they're cannibals.

[24:36] Did we not mention that?

[24:38] Originally it was called

[24:38] the cannibler.

[24:41] So he shows up

[24:44] as his dad.

[24:45] So yeah he shows up.

[24:46] He gives his mom

[24:46] a night of romance

[24:47] which is crazy.

[24:48] That involves them

[24:48] laughing, joking.

[24:50] We can only assume

[24:51] having sex

[24:51] because the next morning

[24:53] Like reading

[24:53] fucking select passages

[24:54] of Oedipus or something.

[24:56] Although it's

[24:57] an old Jewish couple

[24:58] so they're probably

[24:59] reading like

[24:59] Neil Simon plays

[25:00] to each other.

[25:01] Then the next morning

[25:03] he wakes up to find

[25:04] that his mother

[25:04] has passed in her sleep

[25:05] probably because

[25:07] her body couldn't

[25:08] handle the loving

[25:08] that he gave her

[25:09] the night before.

[25:10] Sweet bone in.

[25:13] Sweet bone in ham.

Dan McCoy

[25:15] It's got a maple glaze on it.

[25:16] That they ate in bed

[25:17] after boning.

Stuart Wellington

[25:19] Yeah you have to make

[25:20] the choice

[25:21] at the deli counter

[25:21] whether you want

[25:22] the sweet bone in

[25:23] or the hot bone in.

[25:26] Sweet bone in's

[25:27] better for old people.

Elliott Kalan

[25:28] Yeah because it's

[25:29] easier on their gums.

[25:30] Yeah.

[25:31] At hot they can't

[25:32] quite handle the spice.

[25:33] No.

[25:34] With their you know

[25:34] tender tummies.

[25:34] Yeah because it turns

[25:35] their fucking eyes blue.

[25:39] An old person

[25:40] you give them spice

[25:41] they're not going to

[25:41] be able to bend

[25:42] the universe to navigate.

[25:43] Exactly.

[25:43] They're just going to

[25:44] get blue eyes

[25:45] and fall asleep.

Stuart Wellington

[25:46] What are they going

[25:46] to have to be fitted

[25:47] for a new still suit?

Elliott Kalan

[25:48] Come on.

[25:49] They've already

[25:50] outgrown the last one

[25:51] because there's

Stuart Wellington

[25:51] Dan these are

[25:53] Dune jokes.

[25:54] Oh okay.

[25:55] I just spaced out.

[25:57] Just like in Dune

[25:58] which is set in outer space

[25:59] on the planet Arrakis.

Elliott Kalan

[26:02] So Doonesbury

[26:03] is an adaptation

[26:04] of Dune right?

[26:05] Is Zonker the one

[26:06] who's high on spice?

[26:06] That's why everyone

[26:06] has all those

[26:07] crazy noses in it

[26:08] because they're aliens.

[26:10] It's just weird

[26:11] because they never

[26:11] mention like Arrakis

[26:13] or the House Atreides

[26:14] or anything else

[26:14] and they talk a lot

[26:15] about modern day politics

[26:17] so is it a prequel

[26:17] to Dune?

Dan McCoy

[26:20] I would be able

[26:21] to say a lot more

[26:22] about this bit.

[26:22] Make up some stuff

[26:23] about sandworms.

[26:24] Maybe Uncle Duke

[26:25] is riding a sandworm.

[26:27] Yeah.

[26:27] He manages

[26:28] a tame shy haloo.

[26:29] BD is floating around

[26:30] like that guy does.

[26:33] What?

[26:33] Baron Harkonnen?

[26:34] There you go.

Stuart Wellington

[26:35] Wow.

[26:35] I don't like his politics.

[26:37] No.

[26:38] That's my attempt

[26:40] at a Doonesbury joke.

Elliott Kalan

[26:45] Now I want to see

[26:46] okay Flophouse fans

[26:47] do it.

[26:47] A Dune

[26:48] Doonesbury mashup

[26:49] where it's

[26:49] Baron Harkonnen

[26:50] is giving a press conference

[26:51] but there's like a symbol

[26:52] to represent him

[26:53] like when

[26:54] Like the floating feather

[26:56] was

[26:56] Was what?

[26:57] Dan Quayle?

[26:57] Yeah.

[26:58] And just like

[26:59] panels of text.

[27:00] It's all

[27:00] Or like

[27:01] it's a

[27:02] it's four panels

[27:03] of just

[27:04] the outside

[27:05] of Duke

[27:07] of Duke Leo's

[27:08] or Lido

[27:09] what was the Duke's name?

[27:10] Duke Lido Otreides?

[27:11] Yeah Duke Lido.

[27:12] Just the four panels

[27:13] of the outside

[27:14] of Duke Lido's compound

[27:15] with word balloons

[27:16] coming out of it

[27:17] about current

[27:18] you know

[27:18] that we're having

[27:19] trouble with the free men

[27:19] and then a joke

[27:20] at the end.

[27:22] All right.

[27:22] Morgan Freeman.

[27:24] So back to

[27:26] So Cobbler.

[27:27] Cobbler.

[27:27] So his mother dies

[27:28] and he sits Shiva

[27:29] and is very upset.

[27:31] He goes back to work

[27:32] after seven days

[27:33] of sitting Shiva

[27:34] that's what you do

[27:35] and

[27:36] Probably because

[27:37] he's hankering

[27:38] for a bite of pickles.

[27:40] Yeah.

[27:40] Because there's

[27:41] because there's pickles

[27:42] all over the place.

Dan McCoy

[27:43] Always walking around

[27:44] with pickles.

[27:44] Well Jimmy the barber

Elliott Kalan

[27:46] keeps giving him pickles.

Dan McCoy

[27:47] I know but like

[27:47] as you were saying

[27:48] you're wondering

[27:48] whether these are

[27:49] just loose pickles

[27:50] that he has in his pocket.

[27:51] There are scenes

Elliott Kalan

[27:51] where he's walking

[27:52] he's in the middle

[27:53] of a mission

[27:53] he's giving himself

[27:54] and he's walking

[27:55] down the street

[27:55] just chomping on a pickle.

[27:56] It's like

[27:57] does he just have

[27:57] a pickle pocket of pickles?

[27:59] Because a pickle pocket

[28:00] is something I wouldn't mind having.

[28:02] You line the inside

[28:03] of your pocket

[28:03] with like some kind

[28:04] of waterproof material.

[28:05] You can put wet pickles

[28:06] in there.

[28:07] Makes perfect sense.

[28:08] Keeps them a little brining.

[28:09] So you're a pocket protector

[28:09] but a pickle protector.

[28:10] Now you're on the trolley.

[28:11] The pickle trolley.

[28:13] It's the best trolley

[28:14] because it smells like pickles.

Stuart Wellington

[28:16] Unfortunately you're going

[28:16] to smell like pickles.

[28:17] Elliot, me and my buddy

[28:17] Mark Cuban have a TV show

[28:19] called Shark Tank.

Elliott Kalan

[28:20] It's called Pickle Tank.

[28:21] We put you in a tank

[28:23] full of pickles

[28:23] and you've got to not drown

[28:25] while eating as many pickles

[28:27] as you can.

[28:27] I don't know if you know

Stuart Wellington

[28:27] this about Mark Cuban.

[28:28] He owns a basketball team.

Dan McCoy

[28:29] Most people just get

[28:30] desiccated from the salt

[28:31] throwing moisture

[28:32] from their body.

[28:33] It's pretty gross.

Stuart Wellington

[28:34] Every now and then though

[28:35] someone gets a bit of a drink.

[28:35] Don't worry,

[28:36] drinking all that pickle juice

[28:36] will give them

[28:37] uncontrolled diarrhea.

Elliott Kalan

[28:40] It's a reason why critics

[28:42] call it the worst show

[28:43] on television.

[28:45] This is literally torture

[28:46] says the Justice Department.

[28:49] So he's upset

[28:50] and Method Man comes in

[28:52] and this is where

[28:53] the movie takes

[28:53] an abrupt turn

[28:54] from being about

[28:55] a sad loner

[28:56] who is...

[28:57] A plotless tale.

[28:58] A plotless tale

[28:59] about a sad loner

[29:00] like in theory

[29:01] doing funny things

[29:01] with shoes.

[29:02] it takes a turn

[29:04] into becoming

[29:04] a crime comedy

[29:06] thriller drama.

[29:08] Like they were like

[29:09] let's try to make this

[29:12] more of a get shorty

[29:13] type film.

[29:13] Oh okay.

[29:14] Or let's make this

[29:15] more of a like

[29:16] small time crooks

[29:18] which is a bad example

[29:19] because it's not very good.

[29:20] But like what's a

[29:21] you know like a crime comedy.

[29:22] You know what I'm talking about.

[29:23] A cromedy.

[29:25] They're known as cromedy

[29:26] because crom is in them.

[29:29] The god of the Sumerians.

[29:32] Now I want to see

[29:34] a Conan the Barbarian comedy.

[29:35] They call it cromedy.

[29:37] It's just basically

[29:37] an adaptation of Gru.

[29:40] I guess you're right.

Stuart Wellington

[29:41] That is just Gru.

[29:43] I mean Cerebus

[29:44] started as that too.

[29:45] Yeah.

[29:46] Okay good point.

Dan McCoy

[29:47] And then became

[29:47] a weird anti-woman

[29:49] screak.

Stuart Wellington

[29:49] You gotta understand

[29:50] women are terrible.

[29:51] According to Dave Sibb.

Elliott Kalan

[29:55] My favorite thing

[29:56] about him

[29:56] is when he would

[29:57] write essays

[29:58] about how women

[29:59] are evil

[29:59] and he would quote

[30:00] the female characters

[30:01] from his stories

[30:02] as examples

[30:03] of why women are bad

[30:05] and it's like

[30:05] you can't do that.

[30:06] You invented that woman.

Dan McCoy

[30:08] By the end of it

[30:09] like you know

[30:10] his assistant

[30:10] was drawing so much of it

[30:12] and I wonder if

[30:13] like it was Gerhardt.

[30:14] Well he did the backgrounds

[30:15] for sure yeah.

[30:16] I wonder if there was

[30:16] a point at which

[30:17] where he was just like

[30:18] Dave we talk about this.

[30:22] I'm through talking.

Stuart Wellington

[30:24] I'm gonna get in a boxing match

[30:25] with Jeff Smith

[30:26] who made Bone.

[30:27] Did you remember that?

[30:28] They never did it right?

Elliott Kalan

[30:30] He challenged him to it.

[30:31] Because it's super weird.

[30:31] And they both thought

[30:32] you have a bull.

[30:34] And yet Todd McFarlane

[30:35] and Peter David

[30:36] had their debate

[30:36] at Comic Con

[30:38] years ago.

[30:39] What was their debate about?

[30:41] They just disagreed

[30:42] on a lot of stuff.

[30:42] I think Todd McFarlane

[30:43] showed up in a chicken costume.

[30:45] It was weird.

[30:46] And what's strange

[30:46] is they had worked together

[30:47] years earlier.

[30:49] You know

[30:49] they should be friends.

Stuart Wellington

[30:51] Sometimes when you

[30:52] reach a certain level

[30:53] of talent

[30:53] you just can't

[30:54] get along with other people

[30:55] on that same

[30:56] high peak.

Elliott Kalan

[30:58] That's why you gotta

[30:58] start a toy company.

[30:59] And buy Mark McGuire's

[31:01] Runtball.

[31:02] Or did you mean

[31:03] Peter David?

[31:04] I was talking about

[31:05] Peter David.

[31:05] Oh never mind.

[31:07] So anyway

[31:07] this is when it takes

[31:08] an abrupt turn

[31:09] into crime territory.

[31:10] Method Man comes in

[31:11] and he's very rude

[31:12] to Adam Sandler

[31:13] and demands his shoes.

[31:15] Now really

[31:15] all that he does

[31:17] at this point

[31:17] to make us not like him

[31:18] is be insensitive

[31:19] about Adam Sandler's

[31:20] recent death

[31:20] in the family.

Dan McCoy

[31:21] That's a pretty

[31:22] I don't know

[31:23] he's such an asshole

[31:24] about Adam Sandler's

[31:25] mom dying.

Elliott Kalan

[31:26] But does that

[31:26] does that deserve

[31:28] Adam Sandler

[31:29] then impersonating him

[31:30] and stealing from him

[31:32] and beating him up?

[31:33] We learn he's a bad guy

[31:35] he's a horrible man.

[31:36] He's a criminal

[31:36] he's a bad person

[31:37] and like

[31:38] a domestic abuser

[31:39] and stuff

[31:39] but we don't know

[31:40] that at that point.

Stuart Wellington

[31:40] When he starts

[31:41] kicking over rocks

[31:42] we find a bunch of worms.

Elliott Kalan

[31:45] He's a real muckraker.

[31:47] Yeah.

[31:47] Careful about

[31:48] what you put

[31:48] those shoes on

[31:50] you may not like

[31:50] what you find out.

Dan McCoy

[31:52] I mean it all depends

[31:53] on whether you think

[31:53] that the cobbler

[31:54] should be a source

[31:54] of vigilante justice.

Elliott Kalan

[31:56] I don't.

Stuart Wellington

[31:57] It doesn't matter

[31:58] what you like

[31:59] because that's what you get

[32:00] because he walks around

[32:00] with this bag of shoes

[32:01] that he changes repeatedly

[32:03] to become new people.

[32:05] It's like

[32:05] it is the worst

Elliott Kalan

[32:06] superhero power

[32:07] you could imagine

[32:08] that he has a bag

[32:09] of shoes

[32:10] that allow him

[32:10] to become different people.

Stuart Wellington

[32:12] Including one guy

[32:13] who is clearly

[32:14] already dead

[32:15] because when he puts

[32:16] on his shoes

[32:16] he looks like

[32:17] a zombie man

[32:17] and smells like one.

[32:19] Yeah that's what

[32:19] which makes us

[32:21] understand that

[32:21] at this point

[32:22] if he puts on

[32:23] a dead person's shoes

[32:23] he appears dead.

[32:25] Yes.

[32:26] Although he can

[32:26] move around

[32:27] and moan

[32:28] like a zombie.

[32:29] It's kind of crazy.

[32:30] Rigor mortis

[32:30] has not set in.

[32:32] That's the one flaw

[32:33] in a lot of things

[32:33] in this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[32:34] He should be a dead guy.

[32:36] So he decides

[32:38] to spy on

[32:39] Method Man

[32:40] for a while

[32:40] and he finds out

[32:42] that he has got

[32:42] a lot of money

[32:43] and fancy watches

[32:44] in his apartment

[32:45] and he goes to

[32:47] I think he just wants

Stuart Wellington

[32:48] to like teach him

[32:48] a lesson

[32:49] and steal his watches.

[32:50] Yeah.

[32:50] He's like

[32:51] you'll never be able

[32:52] to tell time

[32:53] to make your appointments.

Elliott Kalan

[32:54] You'll never know

[32:55] when the shoe repair shop

[32:57] is closing.

Stuart Wellington

[33:00] He's trying to steal

[33:01] the watches

[33:01] so he can't come back

[33:02] the next day

[33:03] to beat him up

[33:04] because he won't

[33:04] wake up in time

Elliott Kalan

[33:05] or something.

[33:06] Yeah his alarm

[33:07] on his fancy watch

[33:08] won't go off

[33:09] and he'll sleep forever

[33:10] and then cut to

[33:11] it's 5,000 years

[33:12] in the future

[33:13] and he wakes up

[33:14] and he's got a child

[33:15] long beard

[33:16] and giant cockroaches

[33:18] and taking over.

[33:19] He's like I don't deserve

Stuart Wellington

[33:19] the name Method Man

[33:19] anymore because

[33:20] I have no routines.

Elliott Kalan

[33:23] And I'm just man now.

[33:25] The final man.

[33:28] There's a method

[33:28] to my man-ness.

Dan McCoy

[33:30] I don't think

[33:31] that we need to get

[33:32] into like all the

[33:33] ins and outs.

Elliott Kalan

[33:33] No no he finds out

[33:35] that Method Man

[33:36] is a criminal

[33:36] who works for

[33:38] the real estate person

[33:40] played by Ellen Barkin

[33:41] who is trying to kick out

[33:44] Mr. Solomon

[33:45] and the old man.

Dan McCoy

[33:46] Oh and we forgot

[33:47] to mention

[33:47] that there's this woman

[33:48] that wants to

[33:50] keep the Lower East Side

[33:52] you know

[33:52] in the hands

[33:53] of small business owners.

[33:54] To keep her weird.

[33:55] Yeah.

[33:55] And she's kind of attainable.

[33:57] Yeah she is the

[33:59] love interest

[33:59] such as there is

[34:01] in the movie

Elliott Kalan

[34:01] in that she seems

[34:03] In a movie that postulates

[34:04] that there is no possibility

[34:05] of love

[34:05] because

[34:06] the person you think

[34:07] is your lover

[34:08] could just be a stranger

[34:09] wearing their shoes.

[34:10] We all wear our shoes

[34:12] some are leather

[34:13] and some are canvas

[34:14] did you ever

[34:16] see the lover

[34:17] that wears shoes

[34:18] in your house?

[34:20] Thanks.

[34:21] We wear shoes

[34:22] sometimes outside

[34:23] usually not indoors

[34:25] if we're in our own house.

[34:27] Shuli Joel.

[34:29] Shuli Joel.

[34:30] Billy Shul.

[34:31] Actually Shuli Joel

[34:32] sounds better.

[34:33] School.

[34:34] Billy Shul

[34:35] is an Orthodox Jewish

Dan McCoy

[34:36] educational place.

[34:38] Yeah but this woman

[34:38] is like

[34:39] you know that she's

[34:40] like the romantic

[34:41] I'm lacing up

[34:43] potential romantic lead

[34:46] because she's the only one

[34:47] who treats Adam Sandler

[34:47] with any sort of interest

[34:48] even though he seems

[34:49] like a real dumb bulb.

[34:50] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[34:51] She is capable

[34:52] of connecting to him

[34:53] on a human level

[34:54] no matter how hard

[34:55] he tries not to.

[34:56] So.

Stuart Wellington

[34:56] Well she has just like

[34:57] this go go go lifestyle

[34:59] needs somebody like him

[35:00] to keep her grounded.

Dan McCoy

[35:01] Yeah this go go go

[35:03] charitable

[35:04] small time

[35:06] activist lifestyle.

[35:08] Now here's a question

Elliott Kalan

[35:09] I have for you guys.

[35:10] Setting aside the plot

[35:11] if you had magic shoes

[35:12] that let you be other people

[35:13] what would you do with them?

[35:14] What would you do?

[35:16] Let me be Mark Summers

[35:17] for a moment

[35:17] and ask you

[35:17] what would you do?

[35:19] I double dare you

[35:20] to answer this question.

Stuart Wellington

[35:21] Well first off

[35:22] you started

[35:22] you answered your own question.

[35:24] I'm going to

[35:24] yeah.

[35:25] I would ask Mark Summers

[35:27] to borrow his shoes

[35:27] so I could cobble them

[35:29] and then be Mark Summers

[35:30] for a day.

[35:31] Okay so you'd be like

[35:32] what going to

[35:32] double dare fan conventions?

[35:34] Of course I would

[35:35] yeah.

[35:36] I would climb through

[35:37] that giant set of teeth

[35:38] and find the flag

[35:40] because he's allowed

[35:41] to do that right?

[35:42] Yeah of course.

[35:43] I mean if you work there

[35:43] you can go on all the

[35:44] on all the physical challenges.

[35:46] It's the same way

Elliott Kalan

[35:46] how if you were an ex-senator

[35:48] you still have permission

[35:49] to go on the floor

[35:50] of the senate

[35:50] whenever you want.

[35:51] Yeah.

[35:51] By go I mean

[35:52] go to the bathroom.

[35:53] Okay.

[35:54] While you're a senator

[35:54] you can't do it

[35:55] once you've left the senate

[35:56] you can come back

[35:56] and use the senate floor

[35:57] as your toilet.

[35:58] Dan what would you do?

Dan McCoy

[35:59] Wouldn't you want

[36:00] to be a lady?

Elliott Kalan

[36:00] You sounded like

[36:01] Andy Rooney for a moment.

[36:03] Wouldn't you?

[36:04] Well okay explain.

Dan McCoy

[36:05] Wouldn't you want to see

[36:05] like I just to see

[36:06] what that's like.

[36:07] I mean like

[36:07] the one time

[36:08] that it comes close

[36:09] to that is the

[36:10] aforementioned

[36:10] offensive trans humor

[36:13] because he puts on

[36:13] shoes that turn out

[36:15] to be not lady shoes

[36:17] but of this

Elliott Kalan

[36:18] but either

[36:19] but either

[36:19] it's some

[36:20] either transgender

[36:21] or cross-dressing

[36:22] individual

Dan McCoy

[36:22] and

[36:23] well he

[36:24] he seemed to have

[36:26] breasts

[36:26] so it seemed like

[36:27] he was

[36:27] let's

[36:28] who knows

Elliott Kalan

[36:28] who knows

[36:29] look

[36:29] there's no

[36:30] figuring out

[36:31] the puzzles

[36:31] and enigmas

[36:32] of the cobbler

[36:32] yeah

[36:33] but so you would

Dan McCoy

[36:33] put on a lady's shoes

[36:34] and then what would you do?

[36:36] just see what that was like

[36:37] man

[36:37] haven't you ever wondered?

Elliott Kalan

[36:40] I guess so

[36:41] yeah I mean

Stuart Wellington

[36:42] that makes sense Dan

[36:43] that's not weird

[36:43] that's a real walk a mile

[36:44] in their shoes

Elliott Kalan

[36:45] I kind of get a feeling

[36:46] you're not leaving the house

[36:47] after you put those ladies shoes on

[36:49] look

[36:49] I'm not saying that

[36:51] that

Dan McCoy

[36:51] I might not take a peek

[36:53] take a peek

[36:55] but uh

[36:57] yeah

[36:57] it's a rare opportunity

Stuart Wellington

[36:59] you know

[37:00] that's true

[37:01] the sad thing though

[37:02] is that

[37:02] because your feet

[37:04] would be in the shoes

[37:04] and if you took the shoes off

[37:05] you would revert back

[37:06] to normal Dan

[37:07] you couldn't

[37:08] you couldn't

[37:09] entertain that

[37:10] foot fetish

[37:11] that Dan has

Elliott Kalan

[37:13] yeah

[37:13] I mean not with his own feet anyway

Stuart Wellington

[37:15] no of course not

[37:16] no just the feats of his victims

Elliott Kalan

[37:17] and yes I said feats

[37:19] and I didn't mean achievements

Stuart Wellington

[37:21] so

[37:22] okay so this got pretty weird

[37:23] we got Mark Summers

[37:24] we got a lady

[37:25] and then what would Elliot be?

Elliott Kalan

[37:27] uh

[37:27] I actually had no answer for that

[37:29] I kind of

[37:30] I think

[37:31] hmm

[37:33] just somebody

[37:34] somebody else

[37:35] yeah I guess

[37:36] lady makes sense

[37:37] you get a different perspective

[37:38] for the day

Stuart Wellington

[37:38] the problem is

[37:39] you'd have to find somebody

[37:40] whose shoes are the same size as yours

Elliott Kalan

[37:42] I wear the same size as my wife

[37:45] problem solved

[37:45] okay

[37:46] so you I mean

[37:47] I mean the thing is

[37:48] I put on my wife's shoes all the time

[37:50] when I'm too lazy to put on my shoes

[37:51] to go take the garbage out

[37:53] so like

Stuart Wellington

[37:53] I would constantly

[37:54] you call her shoes garbage shoes

Elliott Kalan

[37:56] now

[37:56] well no

[37:56] it's because she has a pair of boots

[37:58] I can slip on

[37:59] that are next to the door

[38:00] because they're rain boots

[38:01] and I don't have to lace up my shoes

[38:03] so

[38:03] this is the most adorable story

[38:04] I would be constantly

[38:05] turning into my wife

[38:06] just to take the garbage out

[38:07] and my neighbors would be like

[38:08] oh Danielle

[38:09] we saw you taking the garbage out yesterday

[38:11] and she's like

[38:11] I didn't do that

[38:12] Elliot took the garbage out

Dan McCoy

[38:13] how dare you

[38:14] your husband is so lazy

[38:16] he makes you take the garbage out

[38:17] all the time

Stuart Wellington

[38:18] and she'd say

[38:18] I know

[38:19] I know

[38:19] so do you

[38:21] do you guys go on Zappos

[38:23] and pick out shoes together

[38:24] no we don't

[38:25] I think I'm gonna get these shoes

[38:26] and you're like

[38:26] I don't think they look that good on me

Elliott Kalan

[38:28] no we don't

[38:29] share shoes that way

[38:31] we should though

[38:32] save us money

[38:33] you certainly could

[38:34] I mean if only one of us

[38:35] left the house at a time

[38:36] we'd only need one pair of shoes

[38:37] exactly

Dan McCoy

[38:38] think of all the money

[38:40] all the

[38:41] all the tens of

[38:42] hundreds

[38:43] well that's the thing

[38:44] that's like

[38:44] you're basically throwing money away

Elliott Kalan

[38:47] it's like

[38:48] we're throwing money in the trash

[38:49] that I'm taking out

[38:50] when I put my wife's rain boots on

[38:52] so anyway

[38:54] if I could put on my

[38:55] if I could put on

[38:56] my son's shoes

[38:57] and see what life is like

[38:58] as a toddler

[38:59] I would do that

[39:00] because I'm curious about

[39:01] I can't

[39:01] because he doesn't wear

[39:02] size men's

[39:03] eight and a half shoes

[39:04] but

[39:05] and he puts on my shoes

[39:08] all the time

[39:08] and does not turn into me

[39:09] but like

[39:10] because you don't have

[39:11] a magic cobbling machine

[39:13] no but it would be curious

[39:14] to see like

[39:14] what

[39:15] how your mind works

[39:16] at that age

[39:17] which is something

[39:17] I've forgotten

Stuart Wellington

[39:18] but that's not what happens

[39:19] when you put on the shoes

[39:20] it's not like

[39:20] his brain

[39:21] you have your same brain

[39:22] it's like brain chemistry

[39:23] alters

Elliott Kalan

[39:23] it's not limitless

Dan McCoy

[39:26] so anyway

[39:27] I kind of want to

[39:28] zoom through the plot

[39:29] mechanics of the crime story

Elliott Kalan

[39:30] to get to the really

[39:31] goofy stuff at the end

[39:32] okay so

[39:32] he finds out that

[39:33] that this guy

[39:35] is a crime boss

[39:36] for

[39:36] or is a thug

[39:38] for this crime boss

[39:39] played by Alan Barkin

[39:39] who is trying to get

[39:40] Mr. Solemn

[39:41] and the old man

[39:42] out of his building

[39:42] he comes back

[39:43] and accidentally

[39:44] gets into a fight

[39:45] with Method Man

[39:46] accidentally kills him

[39:47] by stabbing him

[39:48] in the throat

[39:48] with those stiletto shoes

[39:50] tells the cops

[39:51] accidentally

[39:51] yeah accidentally

[39:52] defending himself

[39:53] totally accidentally

[39:54] tells the cops

[39:54] that he did it

[39:55] and the cops

[39:56] don't believe him

[39:56] they think he's crazy

Stuart Wellington

[39:57] they're like

[39:58] oh yeah magic shoes

[39:59] one more thing

[40:00] one more thing

[40:01] magic shoes don't exist

Elliott Kalan

[40:02] can you explain that

[40:03] no I can't

[40:04] okay that's right

[40:05] that makes sense

[40:05] magic shoes

[40:08] that's right

[40:09] that makes sense

[40:10] I just want more question

[40:10] why are you wasting my time

[40:12] and he finds that

[40:14] he has an elaborate plan

[40:17] that he puts together

[40:18] with the shoes

[40:19] to get

Dan McCoy

[40:20] he suddenly becomes

[40:21] like a fucking

[40:22] super genius

[40:23] on this shoe

[40:23] who can figure out

[40:24] a whole con

Elliott Kalan

[40:25] to use the shoes

[40:26] to have a New York

[40:27] One reporter

[40:28] catch Alan Barkin

[40:29] on tape

[40:29] threatening the old man

[40:30] and then do we just

[40:31] skip ahead

[40:32] to the reveal

[40:33] and then it reveals

[40:34] at the end

[40:35] that someone's been

[40:35] helping him out

[40:36] and he doesn't know how

[40:37] the reveal at the end

[40:38] like Method Man's body

[40:39] was cleaned up

[40:40] Michael Landon

[40:41] showing up

[40:41] and it turns out

[40:44] it was Jimmy

[40:44] the barber next door

[40:45] who it turns out

[40:46] wasn't Jimmy at all

[40:48] but his long lost father

[40:50] Dustin Hoffman

[40:51] wearing Jimmy's shoes

Dan McCoy

[40:52] who's been supplying him

[40:53] with pickles

[40:54] because pickles

[40:55] apparently help you

[40:55] when you transition

[40:56] from person to person

[40:57] like you lose salt

[40:58] when you transition

[40:59] in the shoes

[41:00] otherwise you apparently

[41:00] lose yourself

[41:01] in the moment

Elliott Kalan

[41:02] you own it

[41:03] you never let it go

[41:05] this is your one shot

[41:06] you don't

[41:06] gotta stop

[41:07] yeah

[41:10] otherwise you strike a no-no

[41:11] no-no

[41:11] and then it's done

[41:12] yeah

[41:13] so it turns out

[41:15] so the last

[41:16] five minutes

[41:17] to seven minutes

[41:17] of this movie

[41:18] are crazy

[41:18] yeah

[41:19] where it turns out

Stuart Wellington

[41:19] he needs pickles

[41:20] so you don't lose

[41:21] your DVD copy of salt

[41:23] when you change bodies

Elliott Kalan

[41:24] because you're gonna

[41:25] want to watch that again

[41:26] yeah you're like

[41:26] leave Schreiber

[41:27] a bad guy

[41:27] I'll watch it

[41:28] that's never happened

[41:29] before except in

[41:30] half the movies

[41:31] he's made

[41:31] yep

Stuart Wellington

[41:32] leave Schreiber

[41:33] plays Sabretooth

[41:35] that's a Taylor Mane role

[41:37] a cobbler made role

Elliott Kalan

[41:39] I think it's Tyler Mane

Stuart Wellington

[41:40] it doesn't matter

[41:41] he's a wrestler

Elliott Kalan

[41:41] that's

[41:42] that's Tyler Mane

[41:43] in X-Men

[41:44] he doesn't deserve

[41:46] our respect

[41:46] he gets his living

[41:48] by hurling other men

[41:50] around

[41:50] like a common hurler

Dan McCoy

[41:52] I'll call him

[41:53] whatever

[41:53] Dave

[41:54] that's his name

[41:55] now

Elliott Kalan

[41:55] starring Kevin Kline

[41:57] as the titular Dave

[41:59] anyway

[42:00] so we're about to do

[42:01] the crazy part

[42:02] where Dustin Hoffman

[42:03] reveals

[42:04] all this time

[42:04] I've been your dad

[42:05] it was never the right

[42:06] time to tell you

[42:07] he reveals that

[42:08] because I've been

[42:09] in danger

Dan McCoy

[42:10] from something

[42:11] from something

Elliott Kalan

[42:11] he somehow got in

[42:12] too deep with danger

[42:14] with his shoe powers

[42:15] and so he had to hide

[42:16] and go on the lam

[42:17] as Jimmy the barber

[42:18] and he

[42:19] yeah I think he

[42:19] he was in danger

[42:20] of having to deal with

[42:21] a wife with dementia

[42:23] I guess

[42:23] I guess so

[42:24] so he's a real heel

[42:25] is what it comes down to

[42:26] it's horrible

[42:26] pun intended

[42:27] oh right

[42:29] so Dustin Hoffman

[42:29] reveals that he has

[42:30] a huge hidden layer

[42:32] of famous people's shoes

[42:33] that he uses

[42:34] I guess to right wrongs

[42:35] in the world

Dan McCoy

[42:36] it's like a weird

[42:36] like the Kingsman

[42:38] the Secret Service room

[42:39] yeah

[42:40] like

[42:40] here's my secret

[42:41] but without the weird

Elliott Kalan

[42:42] anal sex joke

[42:43] at the end

[42:43] then it opens on

[42:44] to a secret

[42:45] garage

[42:46] where he has

[42:47] a luxury car

[42:47] and a driver

[42:48] and the car has

[42:49] the license plate

[42:50] to Kabul

[42:51] and which

[42:52] and they get in

[42:53] and he reveals that

[42:54] oh yeah

[42:55] all trade

[42:55] trade

[42:56] craft tradesmen

[42:57] you know

[42:58] dry cleaners

[42:59] and things like that

[43:00] they all have

[43:01] these secret societies

[43:02] anyway

[43:02] there's a lot of danger

[43:04] and a lot of excitement

[43:04] let's go son

[43:05] and they drive off

[43:06] into the distance

[43:07] and that's the end

[43:08] of the movie

Stuart Wellington

[43:08] like driver

[43:09] take us to fucking Hogwarts

[43:11] so we can begin

[43:11] his training

Elliott Kalan

[43:12] so it's like

[43:13] wait was the cobbler

[43:14] just chapter one

[43:15] of a trilogy

[43:16] of movies

[43:17] about the war

[43:18] between the cobblers

[43:19] and the dry cleaners

[43:20] like why did this

[43:21] not happen

[43:22] at minute 30

Dan McCoy

[43:23] well that's

[43:24] like this movie

[43:24] starts off

[43:25] as like this

[43:26] low key magical

[43:27] it's called

[43:27] building a trilogy

[43:28] i mean loki

[43:29] is not in it

[43:29] low key

[43:30] magical realism

[43:31] movie

[43:32] then

[43:33] although he is

Stuart Wellington

[43:34] kind of like a loki

[43:35] figure constantly

[43:36] changing his face

[43:37] and a trickster

Elliott Kalan

[43:37] yeah

[43:38] it takes a brief

[43:38] turn

[43:39] like rabbit

[43:40] or coyote

[43:41] it takes a brief

Dan McCoy

[43:42] turn into this

[43:43] crime story

[43:44] as you say

[43:44] and then at the end

[43:45] it seems like

[43:46] there's seven minutes

[43:47] of this superhero movie

[43:48] that we didn't get

[43:49] to see

[43:50] where the cobbler

[43:51] society

[43:52] is protecting

[43:53] the world

[43:53] against

[43:53] i don't know

[43:54] bad shoes

[43:55] i guess

[43:55] against dry cleaners

Elliott Kalan

[43:56] it's gonna

[43:57] like

[43:57] it's gonna

[43:58] turn

[43:58] i bet

[43:59] i just don't

[44:00] it like

[44:00] there's

[44:00] feels like

[44:01] there's a better

[44:01] movie

[44:01] where they're

[44:02] using the shoes

[44:03] to

[44:03] or at least

[44:03] a goofier

[44:04] movie

[44:04] like a goofy

[44:05] movie

[44:06] exactly

[44:06] a goofy

[44:07] movie

[44:07] about goofy

[44:08] and his son

[44:08] connecting

[44:09] about a dad

[44:10] and his son

[44:11] using magic

[44:12] son's name

[44:13] goof

[44:13] jr probably

[44:14] pluto is not

[44:15] his son

[44:17] not acknowledged

[44:18] goofy got drunk

[44:19] one night

[44:20] and had sex

[44:20] with his regular

[44:21] dog

[44:22] and pluto

[44:22] was born

Stuart Wellington

[44:23] so wait

[44:24] goofy's not

[44:25] a regular

[44:26] dog

Elliott Kalan

[44:26] no he can

[44:27] talk and he wears

[44:27] clothes

[44:28] have you ever

[44:28] seen stand by

[44:29] me

[44:29] this is all

[44:31] covered in the

[44:32] campfire scene

[44:33] in stand by

[44:34] me

[44:34] so

[44:35] give you a

[44:36] required reading

[44:38] stand by

[44:39] movie

[44:39] i don't know

[44:40] if the body

[44:41] the stephen king

[44:41] story includes

[44:42] that sequence

[44:43] so don't

[44:43] read that

[44:44] watch the movie

[44:45] so

[44:46] there's a

[44:47] goofier fun

[44:47] movie

[44:48] using the

[44:49] shoes to

[44:49] impersonate

[44:51] world leaders

[44:51] i guess

[44:52] but instead

[44:53] that movie

[44:54] is just

[44:54] left to our

[44:55] imagination

[44:55] and the

[44:57] film is like

[44:57] he really

[44:59] learned a

[45:00] lesson about

[45:00] himself from

[45:01] those magic

[45:01] shoes

[45:02] secret society

[45:03] conspiracy

Stuart Wellington

[45:04] we're out

[45:04] gotta go

[45:05] well he says

[45:06] this big thing

[45:06] about how

[45:07] this is

[45:08] the shoes

[45:09] that i've

[45:10] made

[45:10] and my

[45:11] father

[45:11] and my

[45:12] grandfather

[45:12] all these

[45:13] shoes

[45:13] but most of

[45:14] those shoes

[45:15] are dead

[45:15] people

[45:16] he'll put

[45:16] them on

[45:16] and just

[45:17] be like

[45:17] a zombie

[45:18] like i'm

[45:19] king top

[45:19] the zombie

[45:20] i'm john f

Elliott Kalan

[45:22] kennedy

[45:22] no you're

[45:22] not you

[45:23] you're a

[45:23] horrible

[45:23] dead corpse

[45:24] ah

Dan McCoy

[45:25] just burn

[45:26] those shoes

[45:26] yeah um

[45:29] yeah let's uh

[45:30] move into final

[45:31] judgments because

[45:32] we're let's

[45:32] move into an

Elliott Kalan

[45:33] apartment together

[45:33] all right i

[45:35] mean just three

[45:36] guys hanging

[45:36] out i mean

[45:37] my wife and

[45:37] my son

Dan McCoy

[45:38] i got a

[45:39] sofa here

[45:40] uh so

[45:41] that's

[45:41] sofa's choice

[45:42] covered

[45:42] and the

[45:43] other one

[45:43] i guess

[45:44] gets the

[45:44] tub

Elliott Kalan

[45:44] uh yeah

[45:45] although i

[45:46] guess i'll

[45:46] take the

[45:46] tub

[45:47] i'll take

[45:47] can i just

[45:48] snooze in

[45:48] that rocking

[45:49] chair like

[45:49] an old man

[45:50] i mean we

[45:50] can all curl

Dan McCoy

[45:51] up in my

[45:51] bed like

Elliott Kalan

[45:52] three little

[45:52] mice

[45:53] yep

[45:54] and we

[45:55] use a

[45:55] sardine

[45:55] can key

[45:56] to pull

[45:57] up the

[45:57] covers

Dan McCoy

[45:57] uh so

[45:59] anyway let's

[45:59] do our

[46:00] final judgments

[46:00] uh whether

[46:01] this was a

[46:02] good bad

[46:02] movie a

[46:03] bad bad

[46:03] movie

Stuart Wellington

[46:04] or a

[46:04] movie

[46:05] there's

[46:05] like a

[46:05] single

[46:06] feather

[46:06] that floats

[46:06] above us

[46:07] as we

[46:07] kind of

Dan McCoy

[46:11] like uh

[46:12] it's a

[46:13] bad bad

[46:14] movie i

[46:14] say it's

[46:16] totally

[46:16] i hear my

[46:17] hereby decree

[46:18] it's totally

[46:19] bonkers don't

[46:20] get me wrong

[46:20] like it is

[46:21] one of the

[46:22] weirdest movies

[46:23] we've watched

[46:23] but it's like

Elliott Kalan

[46:24] it's rare that

[46:25] i've we've

[46:26] watched a movie

[46:26] other than

[46:27] like fateful

[46:27] findings where

[46:28] while watching

[46:28] i'm like what

[46:29] am i supposed

[46:30] to get from

[46:31] this who is

[46:31] this for who

[46:32] is the audience

[46:33] the thing

[46:33] that i would

Stuart Wellington

[46:35] love to see

[46:35] but it's not

[46:36] energetic enough

[46:37] to be

[46:37] like the

[46:38] like the

[46:38] acting

[46:39] training

[46:40] like okay

[46:40] adam sandler's

[46:42] got this great

[46:42] character

[46:43] all you

[46:44] are gonna be

[46:45] people that he

[46:46] plays when he

[46:46] puts on the

[46:47] shoes so you're

[46:48] gonna have to

[46:48] act like he

[46:49] acts now

[46:49] except

[46:50] and they're

[46:50] like he's

[46:51] just like

[46:52] schlubbing

[46:53] around do we

[46:54] do that yeah

Elliott Kalan

[46:55] i mean every

[46:56] time it's

[46:57] someone in the

[46:57] shoes playing

[46:58] him and i

[46:58] was actually

[46:59] i was a

[47:00] little impressed

[47:00] by the fact

[47:01] that they

[47:01] captured

[47:02] if not him

[47:03] then they

[47:04] noticed those

[47:05] actors noticeably

[47:06] shifted their

[47:07] like method

[47:07] man did a

[47:08] good job of

[47:08] being two

[47:09] different people

[47:09] in this but

[47:10] it's like the

[47:10] director went

[47:11] okay once you

[47:12] put this you're

[47:13] playing ab

[47:13] salons character

[47:14] act like a

[47:14] moron who

[47:15] doesn't know

[47:15] what's going

[47:15] on and is

[47:17] not smart

[47:17] enough to

[47:18] pretend he

[47:18] knows got

[47:19] it done

[47:19] okay perfect

[47:21] like the real

Elliott Kalan

[47:21] star the real

[47:22] shining star in

[47:23] this movie as

[47:23] far as i'm

[47:23] concerned was

[47:24] method man

[47:24] yeah and

[47:26] maybe even

[47:27] dustin hoffman

[47:28] but he's barely

[47:28] in the movie

[47:29] and stevie

[47:30] semi's okay

[47:30] too you know

[47:31] what good

[47:31] good movie

[47:32] no i would

[47:33] call this a

[47:33] bad bad movie

[47:34] but like it's

[47:35] i would like i

[47:37] just wonder what

[47:37] that last like

[47:38] scene of the

[47:39] movie could have

[47:39] been if that

[47:40] had been the

[47:41] movie it would

[47:41] have been so

[47:42] stupid but it

[47:42] could have been

[47:42] fun stupid

[47:43] yeah uh

Stuart Wellington

[47:45] what yeah

[47:46] whatever you

[47:46] guys said

[47:47] it's fine

[47:48] thanks the

[47:50] most agreeable

[47:50] man in the

[47:51] biz

[47:51] hello brent

S4

[47:55] travis

[47:56] welcome to

[47:57] trends like

[47:58] these what's

[47:59] trends like

[47:59] these you ask

[48:00] well it's a

[48:00] podcast where we

[48:01] take the the

[48:02] news trending on

[48:03] the internet and

[48:04] we cover it in

[48:05] podcast form we

[48:07] go beyond the

[48:08] headlines beyond

[48:09] the memes to

[48:09] bring you the

[48:10] real story so

[48:11] that when your

[48:11] friends bring it

[48:12] up you can look

[48:12] real smart

[48:13] we take things

[48:14] that need to be

[48:15] debunked and we

[48:16] debunk them and

[48:17] then we take

[48:17] things that need

[48:17] to be re-bunked

[48:18] and we re-bunk

[48:19] them we bring you

[48:20] all the details and

[48:22] we give you a spin

[48:22] on it our opinions

[48:23] our thoughts and we

[48:25] also try to dig up

[48:26] some positive things

[48:27] to talk about so

[48:27] it's not all bummers

[48:28] just a couple of

[48:29] real life friends

[48:30] talking internet

[48:31] trends so join us

[48:33] every thursday on

[48:34] maximum fun.org and

[48:35] wherever podcasts

[48:36] are found

[48:43] so uh we have a

Dan McCoy

[48:51] sponsor this week

[48:52] woo

[48:53] yeah

[48:54] the flop house

[48:55] is supported in

[48:56] part by squarespace

[48:57] the simplest way to

[48:59] create a compelling

[49:00] website from the

[49:01] strange to the

[49:02] downright bizarre

[49:02] great stories to

[49:04] find us

Elliott Kalan

[49:04] now can i give you

[49:05] an example of a

[49:05] strange or downright

[49:06] bizarre website

[49:07] yeah why not

[49:08] i'll allow it

[49:09] it's an idea that

[49:09] i've been working

[49:10] on and it's

[49:11] called okay this

[49:13] is good it's

[49:13] called warner

[49:14] herzog's urethra

[49:14] dot com

[49:15] now okay a lot of

[49:17] people are familiar

[49:17] with the work of

[49:18] warner herzog but

[49:19] are we familiar with

[49:20] how well he pees

[49:21] i'm not and i want

[49:22] to investigate it and

[49:23] that's what warner

[49:23] herzog's urethra dot com

[49:25] will be all about

[49:26] now maybe it's a

[49:27] non-profit warner

[49:28] herzog's urethra dot

[49:29] org but until i

[49:31] figure out maybe it's

[49:31] an educational site

[49:32] dot edu uh i'm

[49:34] worried that i'm

[49:35] probably not a

[49:35] government site

Dan McCoy

[49:36] unless i can get

[49:38] the funding yeah

Elliott Kalan

[49:38] warner herzog's urethra

[49:39] dot org dot gov

[49:41] would be fantastic

[49:41] uh but i'm just

[49:43] worried that i'm not

[49:44] going to be able to

[49:45] get dot com i'm

[49:45] gonna be stuck with

[49:47] dot net now would

[49:48] squarespace help me to

[49:49] put this site together

[49:50] fast i don't know how

Dan McCoy

[49:51] to code yes that's

[49:54] what squarespace is

[49:55] squarespace is about

[49:56] okay tell me more

[49:57] squarespace is a

[49:58] feature a service that

[50:01] helps you build

[50:02] delightful websites

[50:03] without having coding

[50:04] information and uh

[50:06] or information

[50:08] coding ability

Stuart Wellington

[50:09] and why be able to

[50:10] does it have uh

[50:12] some ability for me

[50:13] to look at it on

[50:14] my cell phone as

[50:15] opposed to just my

Elliott Kalan

[50:16] desktop yeah that's

[50:17] a good question i

[50:17] want people to be

[50:18] able to see

[50:19] dot com on both

[50:20] their ipad iphone on

[50:22] the go on the go and

[50:23] on the stay

Dan McCoy

[50:24] squarespace uh scales

[50:26] beautifully across all

[50:27] platforms guys

[50:28] that sounds great that

Stuart Wellington

[50:30] sounds amazing it

[50:31] almost sounds like it

[50:32] has responsive design

Elliott Kalan

[50:33] now is there some

[50:34] kind of help desk or

[50:36] something i could talk

[50:37] to for extra help

Dan McCoy

[50:37] uh probably you're

[50:39] going way off the

[50:40] copy which is why

[50:41] you're asking me

[50:42] questions that are not

[50:43] actually in here

Elliott Kalan

[50:44] okay well tell me what

[50:45] you do know about

[50:46] squarespace well i

[50:47] should uh i i can

[50:49] they do have and they

Dan McCoy

[50:50] do have help but

[50:51] they do have help

[50:52] but uh i can just read

[50:54] what was provided too

[50:55] which says that i mean

Elliott Kalan

[50:56] that's that's what a

[50:57] professional would do i

[50:58] guess

[50:58] spin me a tale of

[51:02] squarespace dan

[51:03] uh

[51:03] sing me a song of

[51:06] squarespace

[51:06] squarespace the place

[51:09] for websites

[51:10] because we've all gotta

[51:11] do things on the

[51:13] internet

[51:13] and some of us

[51:15] aren't doing it

[51:16] right

[51:16] square

[51:17] squarespace

[51:18] great stories

[51:19] define us

Dan McCoy

[51:21] you should

[51:21] square

[51:21] squarespace

Elliott Kalan

[51:22] you should tell

[51:23] yours

Dan McCoy

[51:23] squarespace

[51:24] with simple tools

[51:25] and templates

[51:26] squarespace helps

[51:27] you capture your

[51:28] story with a

[51:29] captivating website

[51:30] and you can start

[51:31] your free trial

[51:32] today by visiting

[51:33] squarespace.com

[51:34] slash

[51:35] flop

Elliott Kalan

[51:38] slash flop

[51:39] as in flophouse

Dan McCoy

[51:39] yeah

[51:40] you should

[51:41] squarespace

[51:42] um

[51:44] so that's

[51:46] uh

[51:46] thank you to

[51:47] squarespace

[51:47] for their continued

[51:48] support of the

[51:49] flophouse

[51:49] thank you very much

[51:50] without squarespace

[51:51] apologies for me

[51:52] getting flustered

[51:53] in the middle of that

[51:54] uh

[51:54] commercial

[51:55] we're all very

[51:56] passionate about

[51:57] squarespace

Elliott Kalan

[51:57] it's hard

[51:58] clearly

[51:58] i know that i was

[51:59] poking fun a little

[52:00] bit at websites

[52:01] and i know you took

[52:02] that very seriously

[52:03] because squarespace

[52:04] you believe

[52:05] and i believe too

[52:06] and i'm sure super

[52:06] believes is a

[52:07] valuable service

[52:08] provided at a

[52:08] very good price

[52:09] especially when you

[52:10] go through the

[52:11] flop address

[52:13] slash flop

[52:13] and so i apologize

[52:15] i shouldn't have

[52:15] been so flippant

[52:16] with it

[52:16] that being said

[52:17] i also love

[52:18] websites

Dan McCoy

[52:18] if you're interested

[52:20] in i love the

[52:21] internet

[52:21] that being said

[52:22] if you're interested

[52:22] in one of my

Elliott Kalan

[52:23] interests

[52:23] news reviews

[52:25] fan fiction

[52:25] or how-to tips

[52:26] about werner

[52:27] herzog's urethra

[52:28] stay tuned

[52:28] because i think

[52:29] that's something i

[52:30] think you're gonna

[52:30] like

Dan McCoy

[52:30] uh i just want to

[52:32] mention that uh

[52:33] the flop house is

[52:34] now up on the

[52:34] max fun

[52:35] jumbotron

[52:36] where you can

[52:38] um have us

[52:39] do a personal

[52:40] or a commercial

[52:41] message for you

[52:42] uh personal messages

[52:44] we offer for

[52:45] one hundred dollars

[52:46] and commercial

[52:47] messages for two

[52:48] hundred dollars

[52:48] and you just uh

[52:50] go to

[52:50] competitively priced

[52:51] very much so

[52:52] you go to uh

[52:53] these are

[52:53] these are one-off

[52:54] uh messages

[52:55] um

[52:56] on the jumbotron

[52:58] on the jumbotron

[52:59] max fun

Elliott Kalan

[53:00] jumbotron

[53:02] and you can go

[53:02] to kiss cam

[53:03] kiss guys

[53:04] are on the

[53:04] kiss cam

[53:05] i hope nobody

Dan McCoy

[53:09] was eating while

[53:10] listening to this

[53:11] episode

[53:11] uh but if you

[53:13] want to get up on

[53:13] the jumbotron

[53:14] you can go to

[53:14] maximum fun dot

[53:16] org forward slash

[53:17] jumbotron

[53:18] and submit a

[53:20] message through

[53:20] the online form

[53:21] there and uh

[53:23] we can get you

[53:24] on the podcast

[53:24] uh we've had a

[53:26] lot of in the

[53:27] past um

[53:28] you know promotions

[53:30] for other podcasts

[53:31] or people who want

[53:32] to do a shout out

[53:32] for birthdays

[53:33] and for the most

[53:35] part we've

[53:35] we've you know

[53:36] we've had we've

[53:37] been delighted to

[53:38] do those things

[53:38] but we get so

[53:40] many of them

[53:41] uh that it

[53:42] seems like the

[53:43] the best thing

[53:44] to do is to

[53:45] uh sort of

[53:46] monetize that

[53:48] honestly

[53:49] sure yeah yeah

[53:49] be a serious

[53:50] businessman

[53:51] root that through

[53:52] the jumbotron

[53:52] so if you have a

[53:54] personal or

[53:55] commercial message

[53:55] uh you can go

[53:57] to maximum fun

[53:58] dot org

[53:58] forward slash

[53:59] jumbotron

Elliott Kalan

[54:00] it could be as

[54:01] simple as

[54:02] hey sherry

[54:02] happy birthday

[54:03] or as

[54:04] complicated as

[54:06] hey barry

[54:07] happy death

[54:08] day

[54:08] in which case

[54:09] people are gonna

[54:10] be like what's

[54:10] that all about

[54:11] it could be as

[54:12] innocent and

[54:14] personal as

[54:15] i love you

[54:15] i'm pregnant

[54:16] i don't this is a

[54:17] weird way to send

[54:18] that message but

[54:19] you can do that

[54:19] or as

[54:20] mercenary as

[54:22] buy this and

[54:23] it'll make your

[54:23] penis grow four

[54:24] to five inches

[54:25] and i know

[54:26] 45 inches of

[54:27] growth

[54:28] five inches of

[54:29] growth

[54:29] yeah all and

[54:30] it's all through

[54:31] natural herbs and

[54:32] fibers just write me

[54:33] and i'll tell you

[54:33] about it

Dan McCoy

[54:34] uh i know we're

[54:35] getting long here

[54:36] but uh just like

[54:37] your penis will be

[54:38] with my method

[54:39] one serious thing

[54:41] to uh note

[54:41] before we get

[54:42] into uh letters

Elliott Kalan

[54:44] is this a letter

[54:45] about uh oh

[54:47] never mind

[54:47] archie dropped

[54:48] some stuff

Dan McCoy

[54:49] uh no this is

[54:51] about our uh

[54:52] charity uh drive

[54:53] oh yes please do

[54:54] so um a while

[54:56] back around the

[54:57] holidays i mentioned

[54:58] my admiration for

[55:00] the mackleroys

[55:00] and their

[55:01] charitable uh

[55:02] efforts and

[55:03] um i said that

[55:05] we should do

[55:05] something along

[55:07] those lines

[55:07] i remember i

[55:08] think you're

[55:08] exactly for

[55:09] we should do

[55:09] something charitable

[55:10] go do something

[55:11] charitable fans

[55:12] uh no but we

[55:13] but but we had

[55:14] been thinking

[55:14] behind the scenes

[55:15] like how can we

[55:16] codify that into

[55:17] something a little

[55:18] more uh if i

Elliott Kalan

[55:20] can let me just

[55:21] i can tell people

[55:22] what it was like

[55:23] i believe you said

[55:24] oh those mackleroy

[55:25] boys are getting all

[55:26] the credit dan

[55:27] wants some of

[55:28] the samaritan

[55:29] bucks that's

[55:30] right uh

Stuart Wellington

[55:31] was that sounds

[55:33] like he just you

[55:34] just pasted a clip

[55:35] from that show

[55:36] but we were

Dan McCoy

[55:38] thinking about how

[55:39] we could best uh

[55:40] do this and and

[55:41] stewart had talked

[55:42] about maybe we

[55:43] could do a contest

[55:44] where people who

[55:46] donate um could

[55:48] uh get to choose

[55:50] what movie we watch

[55:52] which would be a

[55:53] good contest for

[55:54] people uh in the

[55:55] past we've had a

[55:55] lot of contests

[55:56] that involved

[55:56] yeah that came

[55:57] up drawing or

[55:58] or making a song

[56:00] and for people

[56:01] whose uh talents

[56:02] don't lie there

[56:03] this would be a

[56:03] good way of giving

[56:04] them a chance to

[56:05] maybe choose a

[56:06] movie finally the

[56:07] non-creative can

[56:08] choose uh and

[56:09] then after we're

Stuart Wellington

[56:10] just good at math

Dan McCoy

[56:11] or writing yeah

[56:13] sure and after

[56:14] last week break

[56:15] dancing guys after

[56:18] last week where we

[56:18] got uh the very

[56:19] sad news uh that

[56:21] someone uh a

[56:22] listener to the

[56:22] show had killed

[56:23] themselves um

[56:25] there was a

[56:26] sort of an

[56:27] organic movement

[56:27] that sprung up

[56:29] on the flop

[56:30] house facebook

[56:31] group to do a

[56:33] charitable drive

[56:34] for suicide

[56:34] prevention and

[56:36] so um and

[56:37] that was totally

[56:38] separate from what

[56:39] we had already

[56:39] been thinking

[56:39] about but that

[56:41] was great um

[56:42] and we thought

[56:43] why not go on

[56:45] with that uh

[56:46] yeah it makes

[56:46] sense use that

[56:47] for the contest

[56:48] uh so there's

[56:49] now uh the

[56:50] rocket crocodile

[56:50] action squad

[56:51] raising money for

[56:53] suicide prevention

[56:53] and i will put up

[56:55] the link to that

[56:56] on the website for

[56:57] this uh episode

[56:58] and uh you can

[57:00] go there and

[57:01] donate if you

[57:01] see fit and if

[57:03] you don't want to

[57:04] donate anonymously

[57:05] if you want to put

[57:06] your name in you

[57:07] will be entered

[57:07] into uh the

[57:09] contest to pick a

[57:11] movie for us

[57:12] and so

Stuart Wellington

[57:13] forces to watch

[57:14] any movie that

Elliott Kalan

[57:15] isn't uh nothing

[57:16] but trouble

[57:17] if it's because

[57:18] if it's nothing

[57:19] but trouble then

[57:20] this will become

[57:21] a double murder

[57:22] and suicide by me

[57:23] killing you guys

Dan McCoy

[57:24] yeah i want to

[57:26] i should send a

[57:27] special shout out

[57:28] thanks to shannon

[57:28] camp who uh

[57:30] really set up

[57:30] the uh

[57:32] the the

[57:33] details of

[57:35] yeah

[57:35] the i mean she

[57:37] was really the

[57:38] driving force behind

[57:38] it and we

[57:39] because we were

[57:40] dragging our feet

[57:41] on our side

[57:41] of things

Elliott Kalan

[57:42] it was difficult

[57:43] for us to find

[57:43] a cause that

[57:44] felt like

[57:45] something that

[57:46] we that was

[57:46] organic like

[57:47] you're saying

[57:47] like that

[57:48] something that

[57:48] was we that

[57:50] made sense

[57:51] with what we

[57:52] do and

Stuart Wellington

[57:53] i i'm so

[57:54] it's i know

[57:55] like i had a

[57:56] suggestion that

[57:56] we start a

[57:57] charity to

[57:58] hire people to

[57:59] go buy dvd

[58:00] copies of

[58:01] 40 days and

[58:01] 40 nights and

[58:02] throw them all

[58:03] away

[58:03] and we gave

Elliott Kalan

[58:05] that some

[58:05] strong

[58:05] consideration

[58:06] there was

[58:06] also that

[58:07] ding dong

[58:07] ripping off

[58:08] charity that

[58:08] you wanted to

[58:09] found which i

[58:10] think i

[58:10] think you

[58:10] have to rip

[58:11] off more of

[58:11] them

[58:12] and uh

[58:13] it's something

[58:14] that i'm

[58:15] surprised we

[58:16] didn't think

[58:17] of if only

[58:17] because each

[58:18] of us has

[58:19] had problems

[58:19] with depression

[58:20] at some point

[58:21] or another

[58:21] a lot of our

[58:22] fans have talked

[58:23] to us about

[58:23] their you know

[58:24] this show getting

[58:25] them through

[58:26] tough times

[58:26] similarly it's

[58:27] a it's a

[58:28] thing it's a

[58:29] thread line that

[58:29] runs through many

[58:30] communities but

[58:31] very much through

[58:31] the nerdy geek

[58:33] community and the

[58:35] creative community

[58:36] and i feel

[58:36] like that's

[58:37] where our

[58:37] venn diagram

[58:38] meets and so

[58:39] it makes sense

Dan McCoy

[58:40] yeah so um

[58:42] anyway though the

[58:44] the link will be

[58:44] up on the

[58:45] website for

[58:45] rocket crocodiles

[58:46] action squad

[58:47] please if you

[58:48] feel uh so

[58:49] moved donate a

[58:51] little to suicide

[58:52] prevention but

Elliott Kalan

[58:53] now steward

[58:53] stop playing with

[58:54] the bottle caps

[58:55] while dan talks

[58:56] about the suicide

[58:56] prevention charity

[58:57] thing

[58:58] there's something

Dan McCoy

[59:01] about charity that

[59:02] brings out the

[59:02] worst of us

Elliott Kalan

[59:03] only in steward

[59:04] and me

[59:05] dan you've been

[59:06] you've been doing

[59:06] real good

[59:07] real good

Dan McCoy

[59:08] thanks buddy

[59:08] you've been doing

[59:09] real good

[59:09] all right

Elliott Kalan

[59:10] dan knows that

[59:12] we're getting rid

[59:13] of him after this

[59:14] episode right

Dan McCoy

[59:14] yeah

[59:15] this is the last

Stuart Wellington

[59:16] one um but

[59:17] now that

[59:18] real good

[59:19] hope that sweatshirt

[59:20] feels nice you're

[59:21] gonna need it

[59:21] when you're out

[59:22] on your ass

Elliott Kalan

[59:23] me and such

[59:28] that would be so

[59:28] helpful

Stuart Wellington

[59:29] because it's cold

[59:30] out there do you

[59:30] want to wear a

[59:31] sweatshirt when

[59:31] you're out out

[59:32] the cold

[59:33] dan's wearing a

[59:34] sweatshirt is the

Elliott Kalan

[59:35] backstory to that

Dan McCoy

[59:36] another classic

[59:39] podcast visual gag

[59:40] so now we can

[59:43] move on to

[59:44] letters from

[59:44] listeners listeners

[59:45] write letters and

[59:46] we read them

Elliott Kalan

[59:47] ring a ring a ring

[59:48] a ring a ring a

[59:49] ring a ring a ring

[59:49] what's that sound

[59:52] it's the letters

[59:52] alarm bell

[59:53] the letters

[59:54] alarm bell

[59:55] telling us that

[59:56] letters have come

[59:57] through the slot

[59:58] in the door

[59:59] what are those

[1:00:00] letters for

[1:00:00] reading to you

[1:00:01] from us

[1:00:02] to you

[1:00:03] from you

[1:00:04] to us

[1:00:05] it's that letter

[1:00:08] alarm bell

[1:00:09] time for everyone

[1:00:10] to run to the

[1:00:11] door and pick

[1:00:13] us some letters

[1:00:13] open them up

[1:00:15] read them

[1:00:16] get better

[1:00:16] you're sick

[1:00:17] i'm sorry that

[1:00:18] i had to tell

[1:00:19] you this way

[1:00:21] in the form

[1:00:22] of a letter

[1:00:23] song this

[1:00:23] is the hardest

[1:00:24] part of my

[1:00:25] job ring ring ring

[1:00:26] ring it's the

[1:00:27] letters alarm

[1:00:28] letters time

[1:00:30] thank you elliot

[1:00:31] letters are brought

[1:00:32] to you by mailmen

[1:00:34] accurate

Dan McCoy

[1:00:36] factually accurate

[1:00:38] um so this first

[1:00:40] letter is from

[1:00:41] bren last name

[1:00:43] withheld

[1:00:43] who writes

[1:00:44] dear floppies

[1:00:46] floppy bunnies

[1:00:47] sometimes i think of you

[1:00:48] as anthropomorphic

[1:00:48] bunnies

[1:00:49] elliot is especially

[1:00:51] cute in my head

[1:00:52] anyway

[1:00:53] nibbling on clover

[1:00:54] i've kind of a

[1:00:55] serious question

[1:00:56] i have a music

[1:00:57] review comedy

[1:00:57] youtube show

[1:00:58] it's something we

[1:00:58] do for fun

[1:00:59] we both have real

[1:01:00] jobs and passions

[1:01:01] but sometimes i find

[1:01:02] that finding time

[1:01:03] figuring out which

[1:01:04] record we want to

[1:01:04] review what the

[1:01:05] sketches are going

[1:01:06] to be etc

[1:01:06] can be kind of

[1:01:07] stressful and there

[1:01:08] have been times

[1:01:09] when me and my

[1:01:09] co-host get in

[1:01:10] real tiffs over

[1:01:11] this silly thing we

[1:01:12] do for fun

[1:01:12] so i'm wondering

[1:01:14] do you guys ever get

[1:01:15] annoyed or frustrated

[1:01:16] in your real lives

[1:01:17] about things related

[1:01:18] to putting the show

[1:01:18] together

[1:01:19] are we ever not

[1:01:20] annoyed

[1:01:20] does dan actually

[1:01:21] get hurt by

[1:01:22] elliot's incessant

[1:01:23] mocking of dan's

[1:01:23] reading skills

[1:01:24] does elliot actually

[1:01:25] get frustrated by

[1:01:26] stewart's constant

[1:01:27] ding-dong references

[1:01:28] the stewart truly get

[1:01:29] creeped out by dan

[1:01:30] being a huge

[1:01:31] pervisoid

[1:01:31] i'm spitballing

[1:01:32] here

[1:01:33] have you had

[1:01:33] serious conversations

[1:01:34] about emotions that

[1:01:35] come up in and

[1:01:36] around the show

[1:01:36] are any you're

[1:01:38] willing to talk

[1:01:39] about

[1:01:39] that's from

[1:01:40] our brand last

[1:01:41] name withheld

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:41] uh we get

[1:01:43] irritated with each

[1:01:44] other all the time

[1:01:45] about stuff we

[1:01:46] actually haven't had

[1:01:47] uh too big an

[1:01:49] emotional conversation

[1:01:49] i think it helps

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:50] that you guys don't

[1:01:51] work together anymore

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:52] i think it definitely

[1:01:53] helps i think the

[1:01:54] fact that dan and i

[1:01:55] are no longer in a

[1:01:56] boss and or a

[1:01:57] manager staff member

[1:01:59] situation certainly

[1:02:00] helps and i think

[1:02:01] the fact that

[1:02:02] who's the boss

[1:02:03] uh mona angela or

[1:02:05] or tony uh

[1:02:06] not jonathan though

[1:02:07] things weren't really

[1:02:08] helped out that much

[1:02:09] when we hired the

[1:02:10] therapist from some

[1:02:10] kind of monster that

[1:02:11] metallica went to

[1:02:12] that really didn't

[1:02:14] help but i think uh

[1:02:16] in in some ways

[1:02:18] our lives getting

[1:02:20] more complicated

[1:02:21] and uh and

[1:02:22] difficult has made

[1:02:24] the problems with

[1:02:25] the podcast that we

[1:02:26] might have between

[1:02:26] each other

[1:02:27] minimize yeah

[1:02:29] yeah get put in

[1:02:30] perspective at least

[1:02:30] that it's like the

[1:02:31] only time i feel

[1:02:32] alive guys was i

[1:02:33] frustrated that uh

[1:02:34] for a long time dan

[1:02:35] wouldn't move the

[1:02:36] recordings from

[1:02:37] wednesday to

[1:02:37] thursday even

[1:02:38] though i was it

[1:02:39] would have meant i

[1:02:40] had more sleep and

[1:02:41] more time with my

[1:02:41] family yes and that

[1:02:43] he then decided after

[1:02:45] i left that job that

[1:02:46] you know what

[1:02:46] thursdays are better

[1:02:47] for him let's move

[1:02:47] it to thursdays but

[1:02:48] i didn't bring it up

[1:02:49] no no no no

Dan McCoy

[1:02:51] that's not what

[1:02:52] happened no no i

[1:02:53] decided that like oh

[1:02:54] yeah you know what

[1:02:55] it wouldn't matter

[1:02:55] that much

[1:02:56] that's dan's

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:57] dan's rationale for

[1:02:58] why we couldn't

[1:02:59] because on wednesdays

[1:03:00] i had to stay at

[1:03:01] work late to tape

[1:03:02] the daily show global

[1:03:02] edition then thursday

[1:03:04] morning i got to get

[1:03:05] up early whereas on

[1:03:06] friday i can sleep in

[1:03:07] a little bit

[1:03:07] dan's rationale for

[1:03:08] not going to thursdays

[1:03:09] though was that that

[1:03:10] was the night he

[1:03:10] kind of liked to set

[1:03:11] aside for his social

[1:03:12] events because he could

[1:03:14] sleep in a little on

[1:03:15] friday it's a big

[1:03:16] social night but dan

[1:03:17] that doesn't irritate

[1:03:19] me anymore now i think

[1:03:19] it's kind of funny

Dan McCoy

[1:03:20] uh and likewise i'm

[1:03:22] constantly irritated by

[1:03:24] these two knuckleheads

[1:03:24] for reasons that i think

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:26] should be abundantly

[1:03:27] clear to anyone who's

Dan McCoy

[1:03:29] listened to the podcast

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:30] that you do all the

[1:03:31] work we get all the

[1:03:32] credit we interrupt you

[1:03:33] when you try to do

[1:03:34] nice things

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:34] sometimes uh when i'm

[1:03:36] riding on you guys's

[1:03:37] coattails you don't

[1:03:38] drag me along fast

[1:03:39] enough that's kind of

[1:03:40] irritating but you

[1:03:43] know you guys be more

[1:03:44] successful and famous so

[1:03:45] i can just glide along

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:46] behind you i'm trying

[1:03:47] but it's every anytime

[1:03:49] you're doing something

[1:03:50] creative with another

[1:03:51] person there's going to

[1:03:52] be tensions the

[1:03:54] tensions in a way get

[1:03:55] more so when it's a

[1:03:56] friend yeah because

[1:03:57] there's that implication

[1:03:58] that there should be

[1:04:00] just fire you yeah

[1:04:01] and also and you want

[1:04:02] to be on a good good

[1:04:03] terms with this person

[1:04:04] you can see you can't

[1:04:05] argue or talk out the

[1:04:06] way you would otherwise

[1:04:07] but also if you're

[1:04:08] doing it for no money

[1:04:09] there's that extra

[1:04:10] little bit of of

[1:04:11] pressure because you're

[1:04:12] like this should be fun

[1:04:13] why am i frustrated

[1:04:14] with it because it's

[1:04:14] work but it's just

[1:04:16] inevitable yeah and

[1:04:19] your production will be

[1:04:20] better for it or worse

Dan McCoy

[1:04:22] um i don't know you

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:25] but we're you know but

[1:04:27] we're not breaking up

[1:04:28] guys we know we're

[1:04:29] breaking bad dan's not

[1:04:31] wearing pants and he's

[1:04:32] cooking up meth right

Dan McCoy

[1:04:32] now look it's the it's

[1:04:35] my next delicious uh

[1:04:37] baking uh experiment

[1:04:38] you got up to m and

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:40] the a to z baking book

[1:04:41] and it's meth yeah

[1:04:42] all right gotta follow

[1:04:43] the book but no we're

[1:04:46] not breaking up at all

Dan McCoy

[1:04:47] so uh this next letter

[1:04:49] is from alex last name

[1:04:50] withheld who writes

[1:04:51] proyas it is with i

[1:04:53] kind of like your

[1:04:54] movies it is with

[1:04:57] relatively bridled

[1:04:58] glee that i would like

[1:04:59] to point out that

[1:05:00] during a rare television

[1:05:01] appearance elliot said

[1:05:02] something dumb i say

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:04] dumb stuff all the time

[1:05:05] do you listen to this

Dan McCoy

[1:05:06] podcast in john last

[1:05:08] name withheld's final

[1:05:08] episode on a daily show

[1:05:10] elliot's appearance

[1:05:11] featured him discussing

[1:05:12] a theory about job of

[1:05:13] the hut's potentially

[1:05:14] insensitive nickname

[1:05:15] elliot claims it's a

[1:05:17] general nationalistic

[1:05:18] title i.e jimmy the

[1:05:19] greek sensible if

[1:05:20] insensitive this is

[1:05:22] backed up by the

[1:05:22] appearance of other

[1:05:23] huts in the extended

[1:05:24] star wars universe such

[1:05:25] as the hilariously

[1:05:26] bearded and

[1:05:27] unoriginally named

[1:05:28] zorba the hut

[1:05:29] titular star of

[1:05:30] zorba the hut's

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:31] revenge which is the

[1:05:33] one that has all the

[1:05:34] uh the where's the

[1:05:35] makeup which is the

[1:05:36] hut lady that's the

[1:05:37] lady hut right lady

[1:05:38] the hut

[1:05:38] mama the hut

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:41] sister of pizza the hut

[1:05:42] yes so why did i say

[1:05:46] that was so dumb well

Dan McCoy

[1:05:47] elliot you have been

[1:05:48] rendered retroactively

[1:05:49] wrong by mickey mouse

[1:05:51] the extended star wars

[1:05:52] universe is no longer

[1:05:53] canon job of the hut is

[1:05:55] now only hut similar to

[1:05:57] his fellow public actor

[1:05:58] yoda the yoda as such

[1:06:01] their title is referenced

[1:06:02] to his status is the

[1:06:03] only one of his kind

[1:06:04] slimy his way across the

[1:06:05] universe and a lonely

[1:06:06] kung fu existence

[1:06:07] millions of people

[1:06:09] tuning in for landmark

[1:06:10] television bore witness

[1:06:11] to elliot's wrongness

[1:06:12] dan stew thank you for

[1:06:14] being consistently

[1:06:14] correct uh your

[1:06:17] consistently correct

[1:06:18] contributions to the

[1:06:19] flop house community

[1:06:20] wait a minute seeing you

[1:06:21] i don't understand

[1:06:22] that i'm not sure i

[1:06:23] follow the logic either

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:24] wait was so when the

[1:06:26] extended universe was

[1:06:27] rendered null and void

[1:06:28] that what they're saying

[1:06:30] is that job of the hut

[1:06:32] is now the only one of

[1:06:34] his species but what

[1:06:35] about when he goes to

[1:06:36] be the mc at that pod

[1:06:37] race or the guest of

[1:06:38] honor there's another

[1:06:39] hut there yeah i don't

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:40] know what i don't and

[1:06:41] also how does that change

[1:06:43] what the hut means yeah

[1:06:44] yeah you know what you

[1:06:46] know what i have to have

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:49] a longer conversation

[1:06:50] about this yeah i think

[1:06:51] it's gonna be on the

[1:06:51] walk home from dan's

Dan McCoy

[1:06:53] i'm on the opposite side

[1:06:55] of this uh argument but

[1:06:57] i still think but i think

[1:06:58] that your argument

[1:06:58] doesn't make sense my

[1:07:00] argument no this

[1:07:01] letter's oh yeah i think

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:02] that that argument is so

[1:07:04] you're saying that this

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:05] letter is oh this letter

[1:07:06] letter is not your

[1:07:07] ally i apologize that i

[1:07:08] got distracted there i

[1:07:09] had to hurl a cat from

[1:07:10] my lap you don't

[1:07:11] despite the uh cat and

[1:07:13] then do an icky shuffle

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:14] there's a there's a

[1:07:15] couple times during

[1:07:16] recording these episodes

[1:07:17] now where dan's cat not

[1:07:18] only nudges me but

[1:07:20] jumps on me with its

[1:07:21] claws digging into my

[1:07:22] clothes and i don't like

[1:07:23] that dan yeah i would

[1:07:25] say declaw your cat but

[1:07:26] that's cruel to the cat

[1:07:27] it's like cutting off a

[1:07:28] cat's fingers don't do

[1:07:29] that but maybe like

[1:07:30] yeah your cat's not

[1:07:31] hasn't wronged the

[1:07:32] yakuza no maybe get

[1:07:34] like a mannequin of me

[1:07:35] wearing my clothes and

[1:07:36] put something your cat

[1:07:37] doesn't like on it so it

[1:07:38] learns to stay away from

[1:07:40] me yeah what does your

[1:07:41] cat not like loud

[1:07:43] noises okay i can't be

[1:07:45] louder it's impossible

[1:07:46] humanly the problem is

Dan McCoy

[1:07:48] archie is too much love

[1:07:49] to give well i have

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:50] enough love in my life

[1:07:51] but now uh so yeah

[1:07:53] letter writer write back

[1:07:55] in alex and explain what

[1:07:56] you're saying because i

[1:07:57] don't quite understand

Dan McCoy

[1:07:58] uh this last letter is

[1:08:00] uh quite a letter i'll

[1:08:02] just oh is this the

[1:08:04] kind of letter that we

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:05] shouldn't interrupt you

[1:08:05] because we'll feel bad

[1:08:06] afterwards uh no it's

Dan McCoy

[1:08:09] not that kind of letter

[1:08:09] okay um although i i

[1:08:12] would say that it's sad

[1:08:13] news but sad news

[1:08:14] delivered with a lot of

[1:08:15] elan and flair okay so

[1:08:18] uh i'll just uh i'll

[1:08:21] just read it i'm

[1:08:22] disappointed to announce

[1:08:23] that i'm rescinding my

[1:08:24] invitation to my april

[1:08:25] wedding that you are

[1:08:26] debating actually coming

[1:08:27] to what

[1:08:28] it's not that i love

[1:08:29] you guys any less you've

[1:08:31] helped me pass the hours

[1:08:32] during some terrible

[1:08:33] times and some great

[1:08:34] times but i've ended my

[1:08:37] engagement we had some

[1:08:38] irreconcilable differences

[1:08:40] the main one being that

[1:08:41] we disagreed on whether i

[1:08:42] found it okay that he's

[1:08:43] still married to his

[1:08:44] first wife no i'm not

[1:08:46] the protagonist of last

[1:08:47] year's underappreciated

[1:08:48] horror thriller crimson

[1:08:49] peak nor am i humphrey

[1:08:51] bogart from casablanca and

[1:08:53] in comparison to those

[1:08:53] people i'm doing pretty

[1:08:54] well but i am bummed

[1:08:56] that i will not have the

[1:08:57] honor of meeting you

[1:08:58] at an expensive

[1:08:58] reception that my

[1:08:59] family would be paying

[1:09:00] for you're by no means

[1:09:01] obligated but if you read

[1:09:03] this letter on air i would

[1:09:04] appreciate it and it's okay

[1:09:06] because my ex-fiance i

[1:09:07] never really got into the

[1:09:08] show i did try and even if

[1:09:10] he does hear this he knows

[1:09:12] what he did hint he lied

[1:09:14] about being divorced keep on

[1:09:16] flopping in the free world

[1:09:17] first name withheld last name

[1:09:18] withheld i'm gonna say that

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:20] uh people say that there's no

[1:09:22] follow-up in journalism

[1:09:23] anymore they do say that do they

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:27] i'm gonna say that i i had a

[1:09:29] friend who i will not

[1:09:30] identify who also had a

[1:09:33] broken engagement and with

[1:09:34] the engagement being called

[1:09:35] off a few weeks

[1:09:37] same reason not for the same

[1:09:38] reason but for a similarly not

[1:09:40] excusable reason that was it was

[1:09:42] called off a few weeks before

[1:09:43] the wedding and i'm gonna say

[1:09:44] the same thing now that i said

[1:09:46] then which is it's a painful

[1:09:47] thing but better to have it done

[1:09:49] now than later when it's when

[1:09:52] your life has become so much

[1:09:53] more complicated by being

[1:09:54] further entangled with this

[1:09:56] person so i am not glad that you

[1:09:58] had to go through that but i'm

[1:09:59] glad it happened when it did

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:00] divide up like his and hers

[1:10:02] towels his and hers salt and

[1:10:04] pepper shakers yeah or if you

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:06] were if you had a child before

[1:10:08] this came out you know like

[1:10:09] that's the kind of thing i'm

[1:10:10] thinking about where your life

[1:10:11] is now more complicated much

[1:10:13] more complicated i'm just

Dan McCoy

[1:10:15] amazed by the telenovela style

[1:10:17] life that uh our listeners are

[1:10:19] living apparently it's certainly

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:20] more exciting than my life yeah

[1:10:22] not that i can complain i'm

[1:10:24] triply blessed well you're a

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:27] polygamous so you've got a

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:30] couple families stashed around

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:31] the country it's plain uh well

[1:10:33] you just got to keep trading

[1:10:34] up you got to keep hiring uh

[1:10:36] hire i guess finding younger

[1:10:38] wives hiring your wives now i

Dan McCoy

[1:10:42] see on your resume you just put

[1:10:45] down good wife does that mean

[1:10:48] that's a great show the good

[1:10:49] wife or you would be a good

[1:10:51] wife or is that under hobbies

[1:10:52] whatever it takes to get me the

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:54] job like well i like that so uh

[1:10:57] you didn't put this down but

[1:10:58] pluses you're a go-getter

[1:11:00] under weaknesses it says you

[1:11:04] care too much that's a bullshit

[1:11:06] weakness you're the under

[1:11:09] weaknesses you wrote down

[1:11:10] perfectionist now i can see what

[1:11:12] you're trying to do here this is

[1:11:13] high standards too hard on myself

[1:11:15] under weaknesses you should have

[1:11:16] put liar it's okay that doesn't

[1:11:20] disqualify you from the job

[1:11:21] because uh frankly the headshot was

[1:11:24] the most important part your ability

[1:11:26] to shoot somebody in the head at a

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:27] low distance that was what the job

[1:11:29] was are you hiring wanted yeah yeah

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:33] you need to be able to bend this

[1:11:34] crazy whaling bullet that's been

[1:11:36] scrimshawed do you have a big tattoo

Dan McCoy

[1:11:38] of a tiger on your back okay great

[1:11:40] let's talk you gotta be able to bend

[1:11:42] this bullet by i guess sort of

[1:11:44] throw him the gun around ready ready

[1:11:47] me la bow in your arm around when you

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:48] fire the gun are you willing to take

[1:11:50] orders from a magic tapestry making

[1:11:51] machine

[1:11:52] okay let's talk what a crazy comic

[1:11:55] book that was that's not even in the

[1:11:57] comic book i love it they're like

[1:11:59] this thing is too much about

[1:12:01] superheroes let's change it uh well

[1:12:03] of course we're putting the magic

[1:12:04] loom in sure

[1:12:05] kids love looms they love looms they

[1:12:08] can't get enough old timey weaving

[1:12:10] in the left

[1:12:10] there's wolves probably too

Dan McCoy

[1:12:13] um so i guess we're sorry about your

[1:12:18] engagement is is the take of it

[1:12:20] i mean it's a mix

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:21] yeah it's a mix it's a it's it's a

[1:12:23] bad thing to go through but a good

[1:12:24] thing to have happen rather than the

[1:12:26] alternative of being in a

[1:12:28] relationship that is i guess invalid or

[1:12:30] illegal but you don't know it you

[1:12:32] know yeah

[1:12:32] so that is crazy but hey what

[1:12:35] doesn't kill you makes you stronger

[1:12:36] yep said a crazy german

[1:12:38] uh wait is that katie perry

Dan McCoy

[1:12:42] yeah it was weren't her songs to

[1:12:44] read through okay

[1:12:45] um so thank you for all the letter

[1:12:48] writers out there um out there in

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:51] letter land yeah we're gonna we're

[1:12:54] gonna close up that letter bag yeah

[1:12:55] and we'll see you next time tying it

[1:12:57] shut what we're gonna do letters in

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:58] there but we don't have time to read

[1:13:01] right now tie it up tight tie it shut

[1:13:05] or the letters get out and they'll

[1:13:07] hurt you at night when you're

[1:13:09] sleeping vulnerable alone in your bed

[1:13:12] letters come up and creep onto your

[1:13:15] head and nobody knows what happens

[1:13:19] next except that your body's found

[1:13:21] under a bridge covered in stamps

[1:13:24] nobody knows but the letters shh tie

Dan McCoy

[1:13:28] that back tight so now is when we

[1:13:31] recommend movies that we actually

[1:13:33] liked in contrast to the cobbler which

[1:13:35] was excrements

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:38] wow a harsh statement from a man who's

[1:13:42] never made a movie himself yeah doesn't

[1:13:44] know what the pressures are like i love

Dan McCoy

[1:13:45] you tom mccarthy you're a good man

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:47] you've done a lot of good work you give

[1:13:49] him a thumbs up i mean come on yeah so

[1:13:51] dan why don't you fire this piece up

Dan McCoy

[1:13:53] sure i want a log on this bonfire i

[1:13:56] watched uh for the first time i finally

[1:13:58] got around to watching uh the deer

[1:14:00] hunter okay

[1:14:01] uh that's about magic shoes right

[1:14:03] yeah um it's about a magic bullet that

[1:14:07] goes through someone's head in the game

[1:14:08] of brush and roulette

[1:14:09] well spoiler alert

[1:14:11] sure yeah and then no i'm not gonna make

[1:14:14] that back into the left joke

[1:14:15] um but this is a movie that i avoided

[1:14:20] watching for a very long time primarily

[1:14:22] because it's like three hours and 15

[1:14:24] minutes long and uh it took me having a

[1:14:27] long weekend to get around to it uh just

[1:14:30] happened to be on turn classic movies and

[1:14:32] um i don't know why i i waited so long

[1:14:35] because it's a long movie it's uh it is

[1:14:38] long but i found it uh pretty engrossing

[1:14:41] all the way through um actually weirdly i

[1:14:43] found the last third the least engrossing

[1:14:47] just because i kind of knew from years and

[1:14:49] years of spoilers where it was all headed

[1:14:52] whereas uh the first two thirds are

[1:14:56] you know sort of unexpected the first

[1:15:00] third in particular i actually found

[1:15:02] really interesting where it just was a

[1:15:04] very long um ethnic wedding uh in this

[1:15:08] small uh industrial town and it did that

[1:15:13] 70s thing that movies seem to have

[1:15:16] forgotten that 70s show

[1:15:17] where all the characters just kind of sit

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:21] really close to the camera and the camera

[1:15:23] pans around each other faces while they

[1:15:24] say something

[1:15:25] it did that thing

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:26] calling each other dumbass and

[1:15:27] whatnot

Dan McCoy

[1:15:28] it did that thing that movies seem to

[1:15:30] have forgotten

[1:15:30] can you fly bobby oh boy that thing

[1:15:34] that movies seem to have forgotten how

[1:15:35] to do where the characters get

[1:15:37] introduced through action and through

[1:15:39] suggestion uh as you get to know them

[1:15:42] rather than characters explaining what

[1:15:45] their deal is

[1:15:46] but jimmy you're a cobbler

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:47] yeah it's the saturday night live

[1:15:49] impression thing where it's like hey

[1:15:50] it's me

Dan McCoy

[1:15:51] tv's michael cain

[1:15:54] tv's michael cain

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:56] okay i'm gonna give you a couple notes

[1:15:57] on that impression

[1:15:58] one he's not really known for his

[1:16:01] television work if he's ever done

[1:16:02] any

[1:16:02] two it sounded more like jimmy stewart

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:05] i'm nervous about doing a michael cain

[1:16:07] impression anymore because uh i was

[1:16:09] working on my racist michael cain

[1:16:11] impression

[1:16:12] based on his uh not all white oscars uh

[1:16:16] comment

[1:16:16] oh i don't know what he said

Dan McCoy

[1:16:17] just just wait your turn

[1:16:19] wow

[1:16:20] wow

[1:16:21] that's awful

[1:16:22] now i feel bad about impersonating

[1:16:24] michael cain

[1:16:25] i played harry brown

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:26] i know what life is like for brown

[1:16:28] people

[1:16:28] it's terrible

[1:16:29] you have to be an old man

[1:16:30] vigilante

Dan McCoy

[1:16:31] oh man he's

[1:16:33] that's a bummer

[1:16:35] um

[1:16:36] something something dark night

[1:16:39] rises

[1:16:39] he is an old

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:40] he is an old english man

[1:16:42] so i do not expect a high level

[1:16:44] of racial

[1:16:44] you'll just have to pick your

[1:16:46] shelves back up

[1:16:47] master blues

[1:16:48] good night you kings of mania

[1:16:53] you princes of new england

[1:16:55] or whatever the line is

[1:16:56] here are the abortion orphanage

Dan McCoy

[1:16:58] abortion orphanage

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:01] i see you're following some cider house

[1:17:04] rules

[1:17:05] they're not

[1:17:08] the money's not here

[1:17:09] it's in the cider house

[1:17:10] bill's house

[1:17:11] the house of mouse

Dan McCoy

[1:17:14] okay

[1:17:15] that's right

[1:17:16] uh but yeah

[1:17:18] deer hunter

[1:17:18] got some great performances

[1:17:19] from

[1:17:20] oh yeah the deer hunter

[1:17:21] robert de niro

[1:17:22] christopher walken

[1:17:23] beautiful cinematography

[1:17:24] it's it's it's quite an experience

[1:17:27] and uh it's well worth

[1:17:28] the investment of time

[1:17:29] uh anyone else

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:32] yeah i uh earlier this week

[1:17:35] i went to an early screening

[1:17:37] of a movie that

[1:17:38] should come out

[1:17:40] the day before

[1:17:40] this podcast comes out

[1:17:42] a movie called the witch

[1:17:44] uh it's pronounced the witch

[1:17:46] although it's spelled with

[1:17:47] two capital v's

[1:17:49] instead of a capital w

[1:17:50] and it's uh

[1:17:52] it's

[1:17:52] a period piece

[1:17:55] uh set about a hundred years

[1:17:56] before the salem witch trials

[1:17:57] and it's set in new england

[1:17:58] um and

[1:18:00] it is

[1:18:01] like it's very true

[1:18:03] to the time period

[1:18:04] there's a lot of effort

[1:18:06] made to

[1:18:06] uh like

[1:18:08] have the

[1:18:09] the characters

[1:18:10] who are an english family

[1:18:12] who've come over

[1:18:12] from england

[1:18:13] uh all like

[1:18:15] they sound

[1:18:16] and

[1:18:16] act like an english family

[1:18:18] their their clothes

[1:18:19] are all hand stitched

[1:18:20] uh it's a very atmospheric

[1:18:22] movie

[1:18:23] that's big

[1:18:24] on like

[1:18:25] uh

[1:18:26] a build up

[1:18:27] and a slow pace

[1:18:29] and the score is great

[1:18:30] and there's definitely

[1:18:32] some scares

[1:18:32] it's kind of interesting

[1:18:33] because it's a movie

[1:18:34] that is being

[1:18:35] kind of pitched

[1:18:35] as like the next

[1:18:36] like super scary movie

[1:18:38] and it's

[1:18:39] it's just

[1:18:40] it's so slow

[1:18:42] and atmospheric

[1:18:42] that i'm kind of surprised

[1:18:44] like i think some people

[1:18:45] will be disappointed

[1:18:46] but i thought it was great

[1:18:48] and it was scary

[1:18:49] and for a first time

[1:18:51] for a first feature

[1:18:52] from this director

[1:18:53] it was very confident

[1:18:55] and really interesting

[1:18:57] so if you like

[1:18:58] your horror

[1:18:58] to be

[1:18:59] fairly

[1:19:00] like thoughtful

[1:19:01] and interesting

[1:19:02] i would go check it out

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:03] no dummies apply

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:05] yeah

[1:19:05] leave your

[1:19:06] it's not a check your brain

[1:19:07] at the door

[1:19:08] it's take your brain

[1:19:09] and say

[1:19:10] i'll be keeping this please

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:11] oh no i won't check this

[1:19:12] i'll take it to my seat

[1:19:13] and it's not because

[1:19:14] you're trying to save

[1:19:15] on a tip

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:15] no i mean

[1:19:17] you can still tip them

[1:19:18] although if you're using

[1:19:19] your brain

[1:19:20] you're like

[1:19:20] that money's better

[1:19:21] spent somewhere else

[1:19:22] like at the concession stand

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:24] uh

[1:19:26] i'm gonna recommend

[1:19:27] a movie that

[1:19:27] it's gonna be

[1:19:28] a slightly weird

[1:19:29] recommendation

[1:19:30] if only because

[1:19:30] it's a

[1:19:31] it's a shoe

[1:19:32] the cobbler

[1:19:34] really inspired me

[1:19:35] to think more about shoes

[1:19:36] uh

[1:19:36] so watch it

[1:19:37] i mean it's a shoe

[1:19:38] that you can just look at

[1:19:39] uh

[1:19:40] i recently watched

[1:19:41] uh

[1:19:41] chyrak

[1:19:42] uh

[1:19:43] chyrak

[1:19:43] spike lee's most recent movie

[1:19:45] which

[1:19:46] written by aristophanes

[1:19:47] uh

[1:19:48] well yes

[1:19:48] somewhat

[1:19:49] it's based

[1:19:50] it's a remake

[1:19:50] or adaptation of

[1:19:52] lysistrata

[1:19:52] about the

[1:19:54] violence

[1:19:54] in chicago

[1:19:55] remake of listomania

[1:19:56] it's a remake

[1:19:58] of list

[1:19:58] of

[1:19:58] spike lee's always

[1:19:59] wore his

[1:20:00] ken russell

[1:20:01] influence

[1:20:02] pretty

[1:20:02] strongly

[1:20:02] we all remember

[1:20:03] layer of the black worm

[1:20:04] his take on layer of the white worm

[1:20:06] but uh

[1:20:08] the

[1:20:08] it's about

[1:20:09] the

[1:20:10] uh

[1:20:11] inner city violence

[1:20:12] in chicago

[1:20:13] and

[1:20:13] there's some things about it

[1:20:15] that are

[1:20:15] fantastic

[1:20:16] like as a piece of

[1:20:17] agitprop

[1:20:18] it's

[1:20:19] really good

[1:20:20] uh

[1:20:21] and unfortunately

[1:20:21] as the

[1:20:22] there's a certain point

[1:20:23] where the movie kind of

[1:20:23] runs out of steam

[1:20:24] and then keeps going

[1:20:25] and he's made his point

[1:20:27] so well

[1:20:27] that it

[1:20:28] weakens the point

[1:20:29] a little bit

[1:20:29] there are

[1:20:30] some scenes

[1:20:31] because it's

[1:20:33] an adaptation of lysistrata

[1:20:34] a lot of the scenes

[1:20:35] are in verse

[1:20:36] and the way that's handled

[1:20:37] is

[1:20:38] really well

[1:20:39] and in many cases

[1:20:40] a scene will start

[1:20:41] and you'll be like

[1:20:42] oh

[1:20:42] like

[1:20:43] the verse is so

[1:20:44] subtle at this part

[1:20:45] that I didn't even notice

[1:20:46] for a couple

[1:20:47] you know

[1:20:47] for a couple minutes

[1:20:48] that this was written in verse

[1:20:49] and other times the verse

[1:20:50] is very obvious on purpose

[1:20:52] Samuel L. Jackson

[1:20:53] has a kind of narrator

[1:20:54] character in it

[1:20:54] who I guess

[1:20:55] is taking the place

[1:20:56] of a chorus

[1:20:57] and he's really fantastic

[1:20:59] in it

[1:21:00] like the performers

[1:21:00] are really good in it

[1:21:01] and the scenes

[1:21:03] that are really good in it

[1:21:04] are really good

[1:21:05] there's an opening scene

[1:21:06] at a club

[1:21:08] where one of the characters

[1:21:09] is performing

[1:21:10] and the way that

[1:21:11] that's handled

[1:21:12] and the way that

[1:21:13] the dancing of the people

[1:21:14] watching the show

[1:21:15] is handled

[1:21:15] you're like

[1:21:16] oh yeah

[1:21:17] I forgot that Spike Lee

[1:21:18] is like masterful

[1:21:19] when he wants to be

[1:21:20] with like film technique

[1:21:21] like this is a guy

[1:21:22] who knows movies

[1:21:23] inside and out

[1:21:24] and can do whatever

[1:21:25] he wants with them

[1:21:26] it just so happens

[1:21:27] that like

[1:21:27] what he's saying

[1:21:28] is more important to him

[1:21:29] than how he says it

[1:21:30] and so

[1:21:31] there are certain scenes

[1:21:32] in it where I was watching

[1:21:33] it and I was like

[1:21:34] is this like

[1:21:35] a college sketch comedy

[1:21:37] video

[1:21:38] because it's

[1:21:39] like there's certain scenes

[1:21:40] where I was like

[1:21:40] this is a terrible scene

[1:21:41] why is this happening

[1:21:42] and other ones where

[1:21:44] it was really

[1:21:45] powerful

[1:21:46] because it was well made

[1:21:47] and other scenes

[1:21:47] that were really powerful

[1:21:48] even when they had problems

[1:21:50] so it's a really

[1:21:50] uneven movie

[1:21:51] and it has its own issues

[1:21:53] in that

[1:21:53] in theory

[1:21:54] I guess it's about

[1:21:55] female empowerment

[1:21:57] and women using their power

[1:21:58] over men

[1:21:59] in a way that they

[1:22:00] wouldn't usually

[1:22:01] except that the women

[1:22:02] still

[1:22:03] most of them are dressed up

[1:22:04] in like sexy army outfits

[1:22:06] for a lot of the movie

[1:22:07] and it's

[1:22:08] they do a lot of like

[1:22:09] dance moves

[1:22:10] where they slap their butts

[1:22:11] in front of the camera

[1:22:12] so it's like

[1:22:12] there are times

[1:22:13] when I'm like

[1:22:13] Spike Lee

[1:22:14] I don't know

[1:22:14] if you're as female empowerment

[1:22:16] as you think you are

[1:22:17] but it's just like

[1:22:19] I found

[1:22:20] even though it was not

[1:22:21] it's an uneven movie

[1:22:22] I found it to be a very

[1:22:23] powerful viewing experience

[1:22:24] and

[1:22:25] just that it gets

[1:22:27] the point across

[1:22:28] so strongly

[1:22:29] about like

[1:22:29] this is a big problem

[1:22:30] that no one really

[1:22:31] is doing much about

[1:22:32] the violence

[1:22:33] in the United States

[1:22:34] and specifically violence

[1:22:36] targeting black people

[1:22:38] either by

[1:22:39] regular people

[1:22:41] or police

[1:22:41] or whoever

[1:22:42] by regular people

[1:22:42] I mean non-policemen

[1:22:43] but it's

[1:22:45] it's worth a watch

[1:22:47] if you can like

[1:22:48] sit through the scene

[1:22:49] there's a scene where

[1:22:50] the Lysistrata

[1:22:52] seduces

[1:22:53] an army general

[1:22:54] into letting her

[1:22:55] take control

[1:22:56] of a

[1:22:56] of a military base

[1:22:58] and I

[1:22:58] that was the main scene

[1:23:00] where I was watching it

[1:23:00] I was like

[1:23:01] what the fuck movie is this

[1:23:02] like this is

[1:23:03] Spike

[1:23:03] I've been really

[1:23:04] this has been a really good movie

[1:23:05] up to now

[1:23:05] like I don't understand

[1:23:06] like this scene is terrible

[1:23:07] but then it

[1:23:08] picks back up again

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:09] it just

[1:23:10] coax your thumb

[1:23:11] over to the fast forward button

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:12] I mean

[1:23:13] it's

[1:23:13] I'm

[1:23:14] I never

[1:23:14] I'm not a huge fan

[1:23:15] of people like skimming movies

[1:23:17] but

[1:23:17] this is a movie where

[1:23:19] you could probably

[1:23:20] if you

[1:23:21] if a scene is really

[1:23:22] bad

[1:23:23] then just like

[1:23:23] skip to the next scene

[1:23:24] but like

[1:23:25] watch all the way through

[1:23:26] it's one of those movies too

[1:23:27] where

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:27] it's why DVDs are broken down

[1:23:28] into chapters

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:29] but you can only watch it

[1:23:31] on Amazon Prime

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:32] oh man

[1:23:33] or elsewhere

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:33] I'm not sure

[1:23:34] but uh

[1:23:35] the

[1:23:35] it's worth

[1:23:36] it's worth watching

[1:23:37] it's worth sitting

[1:23:38] through the uneven parts

[1:23:39] but you

[1:23:39] after

[1:23:40] there may be scenes

[1:23:40] where you're like

[1:23:41] why am I watching this

[1:23:42] but it's a good movie

[1:23:43] it's powerful

[1:23:43] okay

[1:23:45] three

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:45] non-qualified

[1:23:47] recommendations

[1:23:47] I mean this one is

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:49] it's only qualified

[1:23:50] because there are parts

[1:23:51] where I'm glad

[1:23:52] I went through it

[1:23:53] but was like

[1:23:54] this scene should have been cut

Dan McCoy

[1:23:56] you know

[1:23:56] or this

[1:23:57] this thing should not be happening

[1:23:58] yeah

[1:23:58] um

[1:24:00] so that's uh

[1:24:02] that's the show

[1:24:02] for another week

[1:24:03] yeah

[1:24:04] another

[1:24:05] half month

[1:24:06] thanks again

[1:24:07] thanks again

[1:24:07] to our network

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:08] MaxFun

[1:24:08] uh

[1:24:09] for producing

[1:24:09] a bunch of shows

[1:24:10] and

[1:24:10] yeah

[1:24:11] that are great

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:11] please check out

[1:24:12] the other

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:13] they just added

[1:24:13] a whole bunch

[1:24:14] of new shows

[1:24:15] like uh

[1:24:15] Travis

[1:24:16] and Teresa McElroy's

[1:24:17] new uh

[1:24:18] Manners podcast

[1:24:19] Schmanners

[1:24:20] which teaches you

[1:24:21] how to be a better person

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:22] yeah

[1:24:23] well

[1:24:23] how to be

[1:24:24] a more polite person

[1:24:25] yeah

[1:24:25] and we also added

[1:24:26] appear to be a better person

Dan McCoy

[1:24:27] I also added uh

[1:24:29] trends like these

[1:24:30] which pre-existed

[1:24:31] but uh

[1:24:32] another Travis McElroy

[1:24:33] like basically

[1:24:33] they're all Travis McElroy

[1:24:34] joints these days

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:35] yeah yeah

[1:24:36] he's the busiest man

[1:24:37] in podcasting

[1:24:38] he's got his fingers

[1:24:38] in all kinds of pod pies

[1:24:40] uh huh

[1:24:40] chicken pod pie

[1:24:42] pod casts

[1:24:43] um

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:44] they're gonna have a podcast

[1:24:45] about pies tomorrow

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:46] I get why not

[1:24:48] it can be

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:49] if pipers can be pied

[1:24:50] why can't casts

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:51] then we can have

[1:24:52] a pencil out of leaves

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:53] if this boy can grow

[1:24:55] leaves on his legs

[1:24:56] then we can have

[1:24:57] a podcast about pie

[1:24:58] take that

[1:25:00] Lin-Manuel Miranda

[1:25:01] that's gonna sound

Dan McCoy

[1:25:02] like so much gibberish

[1:25:03] to anyone who did not

[1:25:04] listen to the Odd Life

[1:25:05] of Timothy Green

[1:25:06] or pause the podcast

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:08] go back

[1:25:09] no I mean

[1:25:10] you gotta keep listening

[1:25:10] don't pause it yet

[1:25:11] listen to Stuart's Directions

[1:25:12] yeah

[1:25:12] uh

[1:25:14] you gotta go

[1:25:14] uh

[1:25:15] cue up the

[1:25:15] Odd Life of Timothy Green

[1:25:16] episode of our podcast

[1:25:18] and listen to it

[1:25:19] now pause

[1:25:20] and then listen to it

[1:25:21] and then like

Dan McCoy

[1:25:21] do the 15 second rewind thing

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:23] and do it again

[1:25:24] just really

[1:25:24] just do it three times

[1:25:25] couple times

[1:25:26] okay

[1:25:26] do it to the beginning

[1:25:27] of this episode

[1:25:28] now listen to the episode

[1:25:28] again

Dan McCoy

[1:25:29] yeah

[1:25:29] but when you get to that point

[1:25:30] really enjoy that joke

[1:25:32] just like really like

[1:25:33] like luxuriate in it

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:35] and then take a moment

[1:25:36] to pause it

[1:25:36] and be like

[1:25:37] what am I doing

[1:25:37] with my time

[1:25:38] my family

[1:25:39] or what's really important

[1:25:40] not this podcast

[1:25:41] then throw your phone

[1:25:43] and give up child

[1:25:45] you were listening to it

[1:25:46] on your laptop

[1:25:47] throw it in the lake

[1:25:49] anyway

[1:25:49] shove it off the table

[1:25:50] like you were

[1:25:51] Neil Breen

Dan McCoy

[1:25:51] and just go live

[1:25:55] man

[1:25:55] yeah just take that laptop

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:57] sprinkle some ground beef

[1:25:58] some lettuce

[1:25:59] maybe some cheese

[1:26:00] a little bit of sour cream

[1:26:01] because that's a

[1:26:02] that's a taco supreme

[1:26:03] at that point

[1:26:03] with a laptop

[1:26:05] and then eat it

Dan McCoy

[1:26:05] go run through the field

[1:26:07] towards your love

[1:26:08] you know

[1:26:09] or just walk

[1:26:10] he's been waiting there

[1:26:11] for you

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:12] walk through a wheat field

[1:26:13] just kind of

[1:26:13] grazing the wheat

[1:26:15] with your fingers

[1:26:15] gladiator style

[1:26:16] you're probably dead

[1:26:17] oh boy

[1:26:18] that's because

[1:26:18] you're in heaven

[1:26:19] well glad the flop house

[1:26:20] is playing in heaven

Dan McCoy

[1:26:21] yeah

[1:26:22] rated R

[1:26:23] Beetlejuice

[1:26:24] is playing at

[1:26:25] the number one podcast

[1:26:26] all over heaven

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:27] it's a sparks reference

Dan McCoy

[1:26:29] but anyway

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:31] is playing at

[1:26:32] heaven

[1:26:33] you're dead

[1:26:33] why did the movie phone guy

[1:26:35] tell me I was dead

[1:26:36] let's like

[1:26:37] twist

[1:26:38] do you guys see

[1:26:39] the John Mulaney

[1:26:40] Netflix special

[1:26:40] there's a part where

[1:26:42] a subtitle

[1:26:42] was timed incorrectly

[1:26:44] and so in the middle

[1:26:45] of a joke

[1:26:45] randomly a subtitle

[1:26:46] just comes up

[1:26:47] that says

[1:26:47] you will die

[1:26:48] on like

[1:26:49] April 7th

[1:26:49] 2038

[1:26:50] and I was like

[1:26:51] what the hell

[1:26:52] was that

[1:26:52] and I did so much

[1:26:54] googling to find out

[1:26:55] what just happened

[1:26:56] because it was

[1:26:58] for a moment

[1:26:58] I was like

[1:26:59] my Netflix

[1:27:01] didn't just tell me

[1:27:01] when I'm actually

[1:27:02] going to die

[1:27:02] did they

[1:27:03] and I started thinking

[1:27:03] about how am I

[1:27:04] going to use this time

[1:27:04] now that I know

[1:27:05] I only have this

[1:27:05] much amount of time

[1:27:06] yeah it's like

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:06] Scott McCloud's

[1:27:08] a sculptor

[1:27:08] yeah exactly

Dan McCoy

[1:27:09] that's terrifying

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:11] it was really scary

[1:27:12] in a way that

[1:27:13] a rational person

[1:27:15] would not really

[1:27:15] be scared by

[1:27:16] but I was

Dan McCoy

[1:27:17] so on that

[1:27:20] really creepy note

[1:27:21] I guess

[1:27:21] that note of

[1:27:22] disquiet and dismay

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:23] I mean it's just a warning

[1:27:24] if you watch

[1:27:24] John Laney's special

[1:27:25] that subtitle

[1:27:26] is just placed wrong

[1:27:27] it's not

[1:27:27] the Netflix

[1:27:28] is not telling you

[1:27:28] when you're

[1:27:29] going to die

Dan McCoy

[1:27:29] well it's okay

[1:27:32] so it's a public

[1:27:33] service announcement

[1:27:33] against disquiet

[1:27:35] and dismay

[1:27:36] yeah don't be

[1:27:36] disquieted

[1:27:37] or dismayed

[1:27:38] but thanks for

[1:27:40] listening

[1:27:40] for the Flophouse

[1:27:42] I've been Dan McCoy

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:43] I'm still

[1:27:44] Stuart Wellington

[1:27:44] and I'm Elliot Kalin

[1:27:46] unless I die

[1:27:47] on the day

[1:27:47] Netflix told me

[1:27:48] I would

[1:27:49] then you're

[1:27:50] somebody else

[1:27:50] so that Netflix

[1:27:51] can't find you

[1:27:52] and kill you

[1:27:52] Dan give me your

[1:27:54] shoes so I can be you

[1:27:55] you put on my shoes

[1:27:56] so you'll be me

[1:27:56] alright

[1:27:57] zap

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:58] your clothes fell off

[1:28:01] no

[1:28:01] your shoes stayed on

[1:28:05] though

[1:28:05] it's cool

[1:28:05] so you have

[1:28:06] Dan's wiener

[1:28:07] still do

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:07] let's pee in this fountain

[1:28:08] figure it out

[1:28:10] what kind of beers

Stuart Wellington

[1:28:15] you got this time

[1:28:16] Modellos

[1:28:16] yep

[1:28:17] Especial

[1:28:18] meaning that they're

[1:28:20] they are

[1:28:21] a special

[1:28:22] they're

[1:28:24] E-special

[1:28:25] that's like

[1:28:26] Aaron E-surance

[1:28:27] yeah

[1:28:28] a cartoon character

[1:28:29] I want to have

[1:28:30] sex with

[1:28:30] that's the

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:32] E-surance mascot

[1:28:33] yeah

[1:28:34] she's that

[1:28:35] mascot

[1:28:36] is she the one

[1:28:37] who's a spy

[1:28:37] yeah

[1:28:38] she's the one

[1:28:38] that I think

[1:28:39] they dropped

Dan McCoy

[1:28:39] because there was

[1:28:40] too much porn

[1:28:41] on the internet

[1:28:41] about her

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:42] hey that's the

[1:28:44] risk you run

[1:28:44] when you have

[1:28:45] a sexy cartoon

[1:28:45] mascot

[1:28:46] it's like

[1:28:46] Sped Kavalka

[1:28:47] was okay with it

Dan McCoy

[1:28:48] MaximumFun.org

[1:28:51] Comedy and Culture

[1:28:52] artist owned

[1:28:53] listener supported

[1:28:54] hi I'm Brian Safi

[1:28:56] and I'm Erin Gibson

[1:28:56] and we host the

[1:28:57] Throwing Shade podcast

[1:28:58] on Throwing Shade

[1:28:59] we look at an issue

[1:29:00] important to ladies

[1:29:01] and an issue

[1:29:02] important to gay people

[1:29:02] and then we basically

[1:29:03] make fun of it

S4

[1:29:04] yeah and just to

[1:29:05] answer your question

[1:29:06] no we don't have

[1:29:06] a marriage pact

[1:29:07] but if we don't get

[1:29:08] married by the time

[1:29:09] we're 30

[1:29:09] we're gonna do that

[1:29:10] for each other

[1:29:11] no that's true

[1:29:11] although we have

[1:29:12] each been divorced

[1:29:13] three times

Ep. #198 - The Cobbler

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