Ep. #200 - Nothing but Trouble

[0:00] On this episode we watch don't do not know what no no we watched a movie called no i can't even bear it nothing but trouble nothing but trouble nothing.

[0:12] But travel my tummy hurts i've never felt more repulsed by a film.

[0:30] Hey everyone welcome to the flop house i'm dan mccoy when do you start talking i start talking now oh okay so we're at a podcast you're on a tight ship uh stewart what's your name uh my name is steward wellingtown i'm elliot caylin

[0:59] i'm joan hodgman i don't think that's correct that seems that's right folks famous comedian joan hodgman

[1:09] hodgman it's pronounced excuse me excuse me unsolicited caller it's pronounced hodgman

[1:20] john hodgman is my name and special guest john hodgman is here for

[1:25] two big reasons two big reasons yes our 200th episode 200th that's and already you've got

[1:31] the gist of the podcast dan's stupid mouth says something wrong and we jump on them about we've

[1:35] done 200 of these i mean i don't know if we're gonna make it to 300 but i remember back when

[1:41] our first hundredth episode happened uh and it is also a max fun drive the time of year when we come

[1:49] with hat in hand to ask you for a little scratch to keep this silly thing going we're so itchy

[1:59] having just watched that film i'd prefer to avoid all humor involving skin disorders if you don't

[2:04] mind um so yeah can you tell me about the max fund drive dan yeah sure if it's a little thing

[2:10] that uh just funds a whole network stewart okay uh get mad at stewart about it and that's our

[2:17] network right yeah max fun maximum fun.org and that's john's network it isn't yes i also have a

[2:22] podcast called the judge john hodgman podcast this is not the place to plug that it's inappropriate

[2:29] sir what's that i don't think uh so the judge john hodgman podcast may not be mentioned on

[2:35] the flop house seems like i give you guys a lot of love on my podcast yeah yeah let's

[2:40] some traffic over there

[2:44] when i say that your podcast is my mortal enemy why don't we just hit the switch that

[2:49] creates a detour so people stop listening to this podcast and go to this uh evil podcast

[2:55] out in the woods look we are we are we are all brothers and sisters in the shade of maximum fun

[3:01] and so it is important once a year that we turn to you the listener and say

[3:06] uh it costs money to do what we do and we hope that you would consider if you enjoy this podcast

[3:12] and i don't know why you would but many of you do to go to maximumfund.org donate and uh and and

[3:20] toss a little uh some coins our way it could be as low as five dollars a month and in being a pledge

[3:27] person donor it could be as high as a million dollars a month that would be amazing yeah you're

[3:32] a crazy billionaire i'm not even gonna say eccentric billionaire i'm gonna say

[3:36] schizophrenic billionaire why not why not spend a million dollars a month on us and in addition

[3:42] to getting uh access to bonus episodes like other things we've done and all the other bonus episodes

[3:47] for all the other shows on the network hundreds of hours of entertainment from all the shows yeah

[3:52] you if you'd give five dollars a month you will get all of the bonus uh content sixty dollars a

[3:57] year you spend more money on i don't know matchbox cars you spend more money on just

[4:05] my junk that you then throw away i tell you what this month don't buy barely legal never buy it

[4:10] again instead put that money towards max yeah the internet exists come on why yeah just type

[4:15] barely legal into your search engine okay do it right now go to google.com now type in but spell

[4:20] it bar strange you want if you want bear sex strangely also a maximum fun podcast uh dan is

[4:29] sick as you can tell he needs medicine and the only way we can get the money for that medicine

[4:33] is if you donate at maximumfund.org donate if we don't get dan penicillin within the hour

[4:39] he will almost certainly expire and if you do get me penicillin with the hour i will also probably

[4:43] expire because i'm allergic to penicillin oh is that so yeah please if you find me on the street

[4:48] and think what this man needs is a little penicillin to fix him right up don't blow it in

[4:53] his face do that that's my that's my vigilante do-gooderism i wander this i wander the subways

[5:00] in the middle of the night and if i see a passed out vagrant i rub some penicillin under their

[5:04] nose take a moldy piece of bread and rub it on their yeah exactly wow so you you can't have

[5:09] penicillin uh yeah you're even more of a sickly waifu than i realized this is a childhood uh

[5:16] allergy i don't know what's going to happen to me in in adulthood

[5:21] you might uh emerge from your chrysalis yeah you are no longer allergic to penicillin yeah

[5:26] the doctors told your mom never let him have penicillin tell him he's allergic or else he'll

[5:32] turn into a super creature yeah yeah they're harrison burger on you yeah exactly they're

[5:36] holding you western medicine is just holding you back dude so for five dollars you get the bonus

[5:41] episodes what do you get if you donate more than five dollars nothing what not nothing no quite a

[5:47] bit more than that this is quite an incredible deal we'll get into the specific uh the specific

[5:52] gifts later on but i will say that the ten dollar a month level or the ten dollar a month level as

[5:57] people would say yeah yeah i mean unless you want to send a ten dollar to us

[6:03] you probably melt it down for 40 cents very sharp bandana of your choice

[6:08] not eight out of ten like sharp like it looks cool there's uh i think 22 designs one for all

[6:13] the shows on the network yeah yeah they're all beautiful they're beautiful they're beautiful

[6:17] bandanas bandanny bandanny bandanny yeah that's me bandanny

[6:27] when you were the mascot for band-aid and brand band-aid

[6:31] oh i got me a cut that was i am stuck on band-aid brand

[6:37] because band-aid you remember when they added that in yeah the jingle was always i'm stuck

[6:41] on band-aids because band-aid stuck on me and then they had added brand people thought it

[6:46] was the generic kind yeah because attorneys hate jingles i like that much more than the idea that

[6:53] it was a band-anny movement there were people out there who were just trying to get bandanny

[6:57] bandanny well if you killed fewer people that wouldn't be there wouldn't be that call look if

[7:03] i kill fewer people then how would i have any fun he makes a good point um but what we normally do

[7:08] is not come to you with hat in hand what we normally do is take your hat off your head and

[7:13] throw it on the ground yeah we steal it uh pg woodhouse style as a did he steal hats from

[7:19] people well his character i know him more as a author but i know he's a famous hat thief

[7:27] put out the apc yard in his attic he had thousands of bowlers

[7:33] that man is on his prime computer there was another robbery at the hat museum

[7:38] oh we're killing danny stop you guys don't make him laugh our lungs gonna come out we got out

[7:43] don't worry batman we got the extra extra cops for the pharaoh's hat exhibit

[7:50] g.j woodhouse isn't gonna stop and get us this time

[7:56] variety accents there from your uh your your scotland yard yeah i don't know where he was

[8:00] from that's the thing yeah i spent a lot of today trying to figure out what my jane campion accent

[8:05] would sound like and it was too australian every time yeah couldn't get a new zealand impossible

[8:08] why are you working on a jane campion that is a good question i can't quite answer because there

[8:12] is no real answer to it were you actually working on it or i was you are you just just for fun

[8:17] teasing old hodgepodge oh you weren't doing it for professional reasons no look elliot has no

[8:23] professional reasons at the moment so what's what's a job i mean i'm looking for a champion

[8:27] came to you as a director and said i want to cast you in my movie but you have to have a

[8:30] jane campion accent i want you to cast i want you i want me yeah i want you to star in my biopic that

[8:36] i'm making of myself it's called g.i jane yeah it's about my my struggles with my intestinal

[8:41] problems good tie-in with the movie we watched to me because it started yeah more that's right

[8:46] dan what did you are more uh we watched a movie called nothing but trouble now was this a movie

[8:54] it warned us it warned us i had never seen this movie and i'm and it was it was definitely ripe

[9:02] to be seen by me in a year of its release 1991 because it probably came out on video in 1992

[9:10] or late 1991 and i was working in a video store in new haven connecticut at the time

[9:15] i remember when it came in i had seen previews for it on other movies and i was like i do not

[9:22] need to watch this movie so this video but you know this is yes your uniform was probably what

[9:28] like a pair of overalls with one one of the straps off i wore my jeans backwards

[9:34] okay and every morning i would come in and i would uh i would bring in the um

[9:43] the returns out of the out of the return box and i would just warm it up chris

[9:51] this was a time this was a time when you absolutely like i would i was in my early 20s

[9:57] i worked at a video store uh

[10:00] and and and uh... worked all day and no one would ever come in and all you do

[10:04] think

[10:05] i believe that was a moral and i could waste time watching terrible movies

[10:09] you never got around to that this is one of the time

[10:12] not this one

[10:13] you know i think that i don't think there's trouble in the title i don't i

[10:17] don't want to start on this was big and happening in a china that's smaller than

[10:21] the normal side i'm not interested i have to say that it was a great joy of

[10:24] my life to inflict this movie on mister john hodgman and look over at him at

[10:29] certain points

[10:31] when i knew what was about to happen

[10:33] did it show on my face the bafflement and disgust on your face let me set the stage for you

[10:37] everybody so

[10:38] dan in his apartment he has a couch and a rocking chair and mister hodgman shows

[10:43] the rocking chair and the look on his face during certain scenes it was like

[10:47] it was like we had come upon like a disapproving man sitting on his porch

[10:51] just watching like the young people doing who knows what the images on the screen

[10:55] literally pushed him back in the rocking chair

[11:00] but the nicest part about it was there is a tv tray in front of me with a single

[11:03] piece of fried chicken and a martini

[11:05] and i'm like

[11:06] my life is perfect right now

[11:08] and i enjoyed sitting down with my friends

[11:11] elliot dan and what's his name

[11:14] non-creative

[11:17] uh... i had the pleasure we call him service industry

[11:20] he's called below the line i had the pleasure of meeting stewart in a in a in a

[11:24] bar his natural habitat late on monday evening uh... here in

[11:28] brooklyn new york and uh... i've i've enjoyed knowing you

[11:31] i'm glad is not the first time that we have met tonight doubt it will be the

[11:34] last so there

[11:36] but now

[11:36] bars we all frequent them right down below

[11:40] that's where the alcohol is

[11:42] when it lives just like food fight at night the lights go out and the alcohol comes to life

[11:47] and has adventures

[11:48] and has fights

[11:50] and has brawls

[11:51] night at the alcohol museum

[11:54] so you did not have the opportunity to watch this movie

[11:57] ever he had the opportunity to take it so

[12:01] i know that speaking i think that it's like

[12:03] jr

[12:05] with the option to watch this movie yeah i mean that's been a joke about something

[12:08] that

[12:09] dan and i know telling a story that

[12:11] was in a meeting at the daily show so no one will know that it was delightful that

[12:15] he described it once as he had the option to watch prometheus yeah as if

[12:20] anyone at any time does not have the option to watch whatever movie

[12:23] oh he got the invitation yeah

[12:27] he found an unmarked envelope slid under his door this is very mysterious

[12:32] what an invitation to go into deeper space with ridley scott

[12:36] show up at this mansion and say fidelio and then you'll see prometheus

[12:39] recommended that i be stoned out of my mind well i

[12:42] i think i have time i'm not sure

[12:45] uh... but this movie is one that time is the fourth dimension elliot

[12:49] thank you movie is shot in three dimensions so if you have the time to

[12:52] watch prometheus

[12:53] i don't know where i'm going with this

[12:55] warm it up chris

[12:59] this this is a movie that i saw

[13:01] this is the first time i'm seeing it in probably about twenty twenty five years

[13:04] uh...

[13:05] and that could be twenty five years in about twenty years but when i was

[13:08] it just hasn't been around that long but

[13:10] it was on hbo all the time and being a child i had nothing but time

[13:15] and not only that i would not

[13:20] that i would live forever and have unlimited time but also that

[13:23] it was my job apparently to watch whatever television decided to show me

[13:27] regardless of whether i even liked it they made it i have an obligation to

[13:32] complete the circle if i think this is bad i must be wrong because adults made this

[13:36] it was supposedly a comedy thing too like the fact that

[13:39] i mean these are not

[13:41] i don't know i mean like chevy chases stock has fallen greatly since

[13:45] of the making a movie such as nothing but trouble but at the time you know you

[13:49] see a movie with chevy chase and john candy and an acrobat in your comedy

[13:54] person growing up you think it's got a little bit there has to be something

[13:57] about this movie and if this is it had a pedigree

[14:00] yeah and if this is a movie other people don't like maybe it's because it's too

[14:03] original

[14:04] and like too

[14:05] good in some ways the way that

[14:07] there are plenty of

[14:08] movies that

[14:09] public general audiences they couldn't handle them

[14:12] but you watch them and you're like this is really good i can see why

[14:15] this was too much for regular people like vampires kiss

[14:18] yeah exactly it's just a weird movie it's just a weird movie and you don't know how it's

[14:23] operating or what it's logic is but you're

[14:25] enchanted by it yeah and there's a pleasure to nicolas cage's performance but you're like i can see how

[14:29] other people not understanding that and you're like this is bad you can't handle two hundred

[14:34] percent performance can't handle a man yelling every letter in the alphabet at his therapist

[14:41] but this is a very similar film because

[14:44] it features a very

[14:47] strong performance from dan akaroid very committed performance

[14:51] a very weird aesthetic

[14:53] a very can't quite put your finger on what it thinks it's doing

[14:56] uh... element to it yeah and yet you find it uncharming completely in fact it is

[15:01] utterly disgusting and repulsive it really

[15:04] even as a child i was like i don't this is i'm gonna make a value judgment here

[15:08] there are two movies

[15:10] that when i was a kid i was like

[15:12] i think this is not a movie i like and i didn't even know that was possible and they both

[15:16] have chevy chase in them what's the other one is this and christmas vacation which i remember

[15:20] seeing that in the theaters and like

[15:21] a third of the way through being like

[15:24] i'm not enjoying this but i'm in a movie theater watching a movie

[15:28] is that the thing that people i thought there was something wrong with me for a moment so

[15:31] that was that was the moment like that was one of the moments when you realize that movies

[15:35] can be bad yeah

[15:37] yeah it was much later for me it was uh... it was toys starring ronald

[15:42] this is the worst

[15:44] that's the movie where when i eventually saw it i was like this is not a good movie but there's

[15:47] interesting things going on here

[15:50] but it was christmas vacation was the one where i went with my family and they were

[15:53] i was like

[15:54] my parents shrugged it off they were like that wasn't so good and we left and i was like how

[15:57] can you be so cavalier what's wrong with you

[16:00] didn't you just see what happened

[16:03] a movie wasn't good

[16:04] this is against the laws of reality

[16:07] call the local news

[16:11] don't tell it to the marines

[16:14] you're next

[16:15] you're next to see a movie that isn't good

[16:19] running through the parking lot screaming at people

[16:22] should we say

[16:23] do you say what the movie is about now we we do know you have to do that

[16:27] we're just taking a long time getting around to it we're way more on point than

[16:31] usually at this point we're talking about

[16:33] some dumb like

[16:34] werner herzog impression that one of us is doing right like stewart's are pretty good

[16:39] hello my name is werner herzog

[16:42] i'm a good director of movies

[16:45] is that your jane campion

[16:47] uh... i think it's

[16:48] pretty close to the real one

[16:52] ich bin ein direktor of filmen

[16:56] nothing but trouble is a hard movie to get across though because i've tried to

[16:59] explain to people by saying like

[17:01] it is a an attempt to make texas chainsaw massacre as a comedy

[17:05] but if you say that like

[17:07] if i heard that i would think that's awesome

[17:09] i want to see that movie

[17:11] it immediately struck me that the way this movie was made was

[17:17] dan akaroid

[17:18] wandered onto the set of texas chainsaw massacre 2 and said can i do something

[17:22] with this because it's the exact same premise and the exact same over the top

[17:26] over set decorated weird

[17:29] chachki laden haunted house contraption house deal as the second

[17:34] texas chainsaw massacre

[17:35] and the second texas chainsaw massacre is sort of terrifying but it's a

[17:39] comedy as well

[17:41] it strikes me as him seeing like pewee's big adventure

[17:45] and being like i could make a movie like that but not understanding

[17:48] what he was

[17:49] what went into that movie this was his attempt to make a tim

[17:52] burton like a gothic tim burton movie but he didn't he doesn't go with

[17:56] unpleasant

[17:57] man babies unpleasant man like and a roller coaster that strips people's flesh

[18:01] from their bones and then spits them out and the movie begins with early nineties

[18:05] blues or jazz it's a ray charles song

[18:09] over the manhattan nightline now this is a comedy from nineteen ninety one and as

[18:14] was the law passed by congress

[18:16] all companies made between nineteen eighty four and nineteen ninety two

[18:20] had to open with a helicopter shot of the new york skyline

[18:23] and that some kind of like bluesy jazz song sung by a an african-american

[18:27] singer right

[18:28] that was just i remember when they when they passed that law is glued to c-span

[18:32] that afternoon

[18:34] with

[18:35] it was very dramatic

[18:38] when when reagan signed it into law i got tears

[18:41] i still get interrupted the normal video watching it which is a little

[18:44] store

[18:45] i don't know what this is for a while

[18:49] was this attempt to kick something off a soul like when it was the whitest movie

[18:52] in the world

[18:54] well i get to play with janet with i mean it with most movies yeah with with

[18:57] with most of the most movies it was a way to like make it is really a digital

[19:00] underground so it's not you know and but it is technically not the latest movie

[19:04] in the world

[19:05] on a technicality there's one scene with black people in it

[19:09] it is too because there's a black state troopers at the end but then i could

[19:11] also has a history of

[19:13] their there's the good things he does and then there's the more like

[19:16] blues brothersy things he does what he wanted to be cool

[19:20] we're like and he's like you know what

[19:23] i like music

[19:24] i don't know on the outside of my but inside who knows what i am you know i

[19:28] don't know what i think there is

[19:29] yet

[19:31] yet he is going to be able to get it he had uh...

[19:34] yet the faith that bruce willis has been put in a character on a cd and then

[19:37] never do it ever again

[19:39] i thought for me to play in a hollywood's there are two things that i

[19:42] know about dan akroyd and one is that i do believe he is genuinely interested

[19:47] in rhythm and blues music

[19:49] and i believe that he genuinely believes that there are ufos and ghosts

[19:53] and beyond but beyond that

[19:55] dan akroyd is unknowable there is a like i felt like we really saw into

[20:00] This movie was written by Dan Aykroyd with his brother. It was directed by Dan Aykroyd.

[20:05] It was a total Dan Aykroyd joint. He recruited a cast of old friends, John Candy and Chevy Chase

[20:15] and Brian Doyle Murray and whatever to be in it with him.

[20:18] The look on their faces throughout the movie is, I guess I have to do this.

[20:23] And I feel like we are peering into the addled brain of Dan Aykroyd. I don't know what is going

[20:28] on inside. I have not felt this way about really not knowing how another human being

[20:36] thinks since the time I saw Dan Aykroyd do that ad for Crystal Head Vodka. I don't know

[20:43] what reality you are inhabiting. I don't know whether you are being serious or joking.

[20:46] And if you are being serious, I don't know who you are anymore.

[20:49] Is this performance art or do actual humans want to spend roughly 90 minutes in this world?

[20:56] Yeah, there is a commercial. He had a wine also that he did commercial for

[21:00] that did not come in a crystal skull. Well, it is non-drinkable.

[21:04] But I remember seeing the ad and he gives a smile at the end that I think is supposed to be like,

[21:10] it is good stuff. I enjoy it too. But the look on his face is like, there is poison in this.

[21:16] Like you don't know it. When you drink this, you are going to die.

[21:20] This is our little secret and it is going to die with you.

[21:23] But okay, so we should talk about what the movie happens. So we start off.

[21:27] I actually want you to try to tell me what the plot of the movie is.

[21:31] Okay. The only part I am really not clear on, I will get to, which is, so it is New York City.

[21:36] Chevy Chase is a very rich, like hot stock tips guy. He has a financial newsletter that he gives

[21:42] out and he is throwing – It looks like a fucking pamphlet that he hands people. I don't know how

[21:47] he is making money off of this thing. Oh, no, that is real money.

[21:50] Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[21:51] Are you kidding me? Financial newsletters?

[21:53] Like a newsletter? Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[21:55] He has spent a lot of money to subscribe to it because it is good tips.

[21:58] Good tips. One of the headlines says –

[22:00] And he saves money by not having all the like artwork and color.

[22:06] It looks like it was run off in the mimeograph in the school office. Yeah, exactly.

[22:12] Mailman holding up a letter.

[22:13] What is the headline that we see on that? It is like, buy cocoa.

[22:16] Stay in cocoa.

[22:17] There are actually a few legit funny lines in this movie and that was one of them for me. I

[22:23] didn't know what was going on there. But he runs into a new tenant at his

[22:27] building. Played by –

[22:28] Played by Demi Moore. Demi Moore.

[22:30] Who is – She is –

[22:32] You know, she was born half-moor, but she changed to be more sophisticated.

[22:36] Well, a moor had mated with a human woman, so she was born as a Demi Moore.

[22:43] Yeah. Of course, Hestia sent those snakes to

[22:46] kill her in her crib, but she strangled them with her predictive strength.

[22:49] All right. I'm leaving now.

[22:52] So she is a lawyer who is involved with some guy who is both her boyfriend and also a client,

[22:59] and he is doing some kind of landfill deal. This is something I did not – I couldn't

[23:03] wrap my mind around. A character we never see.

[23:05] We never see. A real Rosalind.

[23:10] All you need to know is that she convinces Chevy Chase,

[23:14] I need to go to Atlantic City tomorrow. Can you drive me in your fancy car?

[23:18] I don't know why she asks him in particular, but he says –

[23:21] It's a cherry beamer.

[23:22] And he says yes because he wants to put his penis inside of her.

[23:25] Oh. Yeah.

[23:26] Oh, that was the subtext that I missed.

[23:28] Yeah, and when Demi Moore is at a party with him, she's wearing a low-cut black cocktail dress.

[23:34] It's framed so that you don't see her cleavage, and I was like, Dan Aykroyd,

[23:36] what kind of director are you? Not remembering that throughout the rest of the movie,

[23:40] she's constantly bending over or falling down face first with her boobs hanging out of her dress.

[23:45] So you corrected me, Dan Aykroyd. That's right.

[23:48] Yeah, I would like to come back.

[23:51] I don't want to interrupt the synopsis of the film,

[23:54] but I would like to come back to the topic of Demi Moore. Why did you make it?

[24:03] Because I understand why Chevy Chase made it. I understand why John Candy made it.

[24:07] I mean, it's possible she was dating Dan Aykroyd at the time. Probably not.

[24:11] No. How dare you? How dare you suggest that Dan Aykroyd is unfaithful to Donna Dixon?

[24:17] Sorry, I apologize. Yeah.

[24:19] My girlfriend.

[24:22] So she's unfaithful to him with you.

[24:24] She doesn't know that she's my girlfriend.

[24:26] But that is a Canadian weirdo marriage that seems truly solid.

[24:31] They've been together for a long time.

[24:32] They did for a long time. I always loved it.

[24:35] He has certainly given her reasons to consider.

[24:37] This movie right there.

[24:39] All you have to do is go to divorce court and the judge says,

[24:41] what's the reason? And she plays the movie and the judge is like,

[24:43] I want to divorce you now.

[24:45] So these two rich people, these two wealthy New York loathsome yuppies.

[24:54] Yeah, they're the heroes of the film.

[24:55] They're the heroes and unironically portrayed as the heroes.

[24:59] They're not villains in any way.

[25:00] We're supposed to really like them. We don't want to see them get a come up.

[25:03] Chevy Chase is supposed to be able to pull that off, though,

[25:06] that he's supposed to be able to pull off like the rich 80s jerk.

[25:12] People have believed that Chevy Chase was

[25:14] capable of pulling off a lot of things for a long time.

[25:16] I mean, that's like his own Caddyshack is basically that.

[25:20] Right.

[25:20] But he says funny things in that.

[25:23] There's like a dearth of funny things.

[25:24] All right, wait.

[25:24] So there's a lot of signs in the movie.

[25:27] Two wealthy creeps get into a Beamer to drive to Atlantic City for reasons unknown.

[25:32] Joined for reasons unknown by Taylor Negron and an actress,

[25:38] as two Brazilian millionaires or Brazilian airs,

[25:41] as Chevy Chase calls them in what is kind of a joke.

[25:44] That was a generational defining joke.

[25:51] It was like, you know, that's right up there with I'll have what she's having.

[25:55] Brazilian airs, you know, because that's a thing we all know about.

[25:59] And they decide, oh, we're going to go on the on the on the drive to for no reason.

[26:03] They leave New York City.

[26:04] Right.

[26:04] They enter New Jersey.

[26:06] And as a New Jersey native myself, having spent the first 17 years of my life there,

[26:11] it was not a portrait of New Jersey I really recognized.

[26:14] Apparently, Dan Ackroyd thinks that in the space between New York City and Atlantic City,

[26:18] which is a very easy drive, I've done it.

[26:20] I've taken the bus that way.

[26:21] Like, don't don't don't say that.

[26:24] You're trying to portray yourself as a successful podcaster.

[26:27] No, no.

[26:28] Just taking the bus.

[26:28] I've taken the bus.

[26:29] That stop in Chesaquake where you kind of sit around waiting.

[26:32] And you're like, I thought it was Chesaquake.

[26:34] I thought so, too.

[26:35] And I was corrected.

[26:36] By who?

[26:36] They said there's going to be a stop in Chesaquake.

[26:38] People are going to get on there.

[26:39] And I was like, I was imagining tourist T-shirts that say, I survived the Chesaquake.

[26:44] And the word Chesaquake is the font is like letters made out of cheese that are shaking around.

[26:48] Like this is a reference to a stop on the Jersey Turnpike that is clearly labeled Chesaquake.

[26:56] It is spelled Cheesequake.

[26:57] It's spelled Cheesequake like there's something you can get at the Guy Fieri restaurant.

[27:00] You're telling me that it is actually pronounced Chesaquake?

[27:02] That's what I was told.

[27:02] That was a good joke, Dan.

[27:04] Thanks, buddy.

[27:04] Oh, we have Dan.

[27:05] What was the joke?

[27:05] Did you hear it?

[27:06] I don't know.

[27:06] Something you can get at the Guy Fieri restaurant.

[27:07] Yeah, the All-American Grill.

[27:10] Yep, it's one of your dessert options.

[27:12] You get the red, white and blue Cheesequake.

[27:14] Yeah, it's a real mountain of American cheese.

[27:18] Inside, molten Velveeta cheese.

[27:20] Yes, and it's profoundly unstable.

[27:23] You have to eat it before it falls apart.

[27:26] There's one scientist saying, you guys have to evacuate this cheese mountain.

[27:30] I'm like, shut up, egghead.

[27:32] Measuring 7.9 on the Lictor scale.

[27:35] Oh.

[27:37] Excuse me.

[27:38] Please leave.

[27:40] I just forgot your name again.

[27:43] I'm going to exercise my veto power over that joke.

[27:46] Rarely used.

[27:47] Okay, so in between New York City and Atlantic City.

[27:50] If you just take a short detour because your Brazilian friends want to see the countryside.

[27:55] You will find yourself in a Mad Max-style, coal-destroyed industrial zone.

[28:03] Right, a wasteland.

[28:04] There are wasteland industrial areas in New Jersey, but rarely are they coal mines.

[28:08] And very rarely are they the personal fiefdoms of inbred hillbilly families.

[28:13] Unless it's a horror movie.

[28:14] Unless it's a horror movie.

[28:15] But again, not that many horror movies are set in New Jersey.

[28:18] Maybe in the Pine Barrens.

[28:19] But they're not getting as far south as the Pine Barrens.

[28:24] They were not in Jersey Devil territory there.

[28:26] No, exactly.

[28:27] There's no Mothman.

[28:28] Wait, Mothman's New Jersey.

[28:29] That is West Virginia.

[28:30] Yeah.

[28:30] I mean, what you would find between New York.

[28:32] This movie was supposed to be set in West Virginia.

[28:35] Okay.

[28:36] I mean, it would make more sense if it were in West Virginia or anywhere in the true Appalachians

[28:41] where there is actual coal mining.

[28:42] Yeah.

[28:43] But so the premise is that if you take a little bit of a detour off of the Jersey Turnpike

[28:47] in this coastal part of New Jersey,

[28:49] you will suddenly be in the foothills of gigantic San Bernardino style mountains

[28:53] because that's what they were in the actual shooting.

[28:56] And it's an entirely strip mined central Pennsylvania area coal fire hellscape.

[29:02] Yeah.

[29:03] Many of the locals boast Chicago in accents.

[29:05] Yeah, right.

[29:07] And if you miss a stop sign.

[29:11] If you miss a stop sign, John Candy will very politely arrest you.

[29:16] Recommend that you be fined.

[29:18] But the crazy old judge played by Dan Aykroyd

[29:21] will sentence you to staying overnight in a weird puzzle house full of junk,

[29:28] Chops keys and phallic symbols.

[29:30] I feel like we're skipping a couple important things.

[29:32] One of which is the town they drive through is one of these towns that only exists for

[29:37] creepy old people or creepy looking people to sit on abandoned couches and watch city

[29:41] folk drive through.

[29:42] Right.

[29:42] And just scowl at them.

[29:44] They go through a stop sign and John Candy turns on his sirens and the Brazilians are like,

[29:48] hey, we should we should run off and just leave them behind.

[29:51] Just speed it up.

[29:52] And well, because it was already set up.

[29:55] They were in this sweet beamer.

[29:57] Yeah.

[29:57] And Jerry Demi Moore basically.

[30:00] as an orgasm about cherry chip chevy chases car

[30:03] and so it's been set up like this is an incredible car that he's written rich

[30:06] creeps have to the camera dislike lingers all over that

[30:10] newfangled gps unities yeah that that i could not believe there's a gps in that

[30:15] car

[30:16] like you know that uh... that uh... if i'd seen that in the movie theater

[30:20] abu like what an age we live in

[30:25] people don't know where they are

[30:27] you leave the movie theater go to the paper to call your mom explain that

[30:31] you're living in the future

[30:33] it's what that day is looking up at the stars right

[30:37] and i've seen it i've seen tomorrow

[30:39] but it's today

[30:41] we get to stopping by since what year is it what century is it

[30:44] yesterday the car had a computer in it and uh... and the gp there is a lot of

[30:48] speculation in the room that this is somehow product placement from the gps

[30:51] company whatever it is

[30:53] but like all of the product placement that might have been all the products

[30:57] that exist in this film

[30:59] this being put in a very bad light i have to say that these are the products that

[31:03] did not meet the asking price for not being included

[31:06] right exactly

[31:08] extortion situation here's a deal if you have a nice product you got it would be a shame if it showed up in trouble

[31:15] quality soft drink pay me a million dollars i'm putting it in my movie

[31:19] gps company if you don't give me a million dollars i'm going to feature you

[31:23] prominently in the movie and then we'll lose service in the middle of new jersey

[31:26] and then as a result that people will be murdered as you can clearly see in this

[31:31] scene dan agroids character has a tiny little train drive around delivering

[31:35] pizza pizzas to the horrified guests no no you take my money make it giant hot dog

[31:41] i'm glad we can do business mr. hutt

[31:48] of course steward is referring to the condiment train

[31:52] and one of the most repulsive

[31:54] it is not a comment for a missus and i did well they're eating dinner at chevy

[31:59] chase hallucinates the dan agroids uh... phallic nose is actually i guess just a

[32:03] few minutes ago but we haven't gotten there so i guess i'll speed up that

[32:06] point they want to be that's basically a walking hallucination they don't yet

[32:10] they don't chase

[32:12] john kennedy reaches them because he has afterburners on his car

[32:15] and stops them with some uh... so he has some push-button tricks on his

[32:19] dashboard that cause signs to pop up in the middle of the road and send them on a

[32:23] detour really granular with this

[32:25] yeah we're speeding it up because it's important i feel like it sets up two

[32:29] important things one this is like a three hour long podcast john kennedy is the only likable person in the movie

[32:32] yeah alright

[32:33] in his first character

[32:34] and two that there's a lot of push-button gimmickry and gee whiz gadgets

[32:39] uh... they go to a real tomorrow land yeah exactly they're detoured into this

[32:43] town that where the main business seems to be collecting junk

[32:46] and just screwing it about the roads and chevy chase proceeds to read every sign

[32:51] of the road out loud because he is

[32:53] andy mcdowell's dad from forget paris

[32:56] so it's just like uh... applebees and applebees look at that jiffy lube

[33:02] interesting the amount of sign reading barnes and noble there's a lot in this movie

[33:08] where

[33:09] something i never noticed as a kid but which was pointed out and it was very

[33:12] clear were watching is that there's a lot of voices dubbed in after the fact

[33:16] to add jokes or things or to fill silences right so there's a lot of like

[33:20] you'll see a shot of something you hear chevy chase go like that doesn't look good

[33:23] you know i'm like

[33:24] friendly folks around here

[33:26] let's walk down this hallway then turn left

[33:29] the wall's coming towards us it's moving too fast here's a door but it's locked

[33:33] the early nineties version of pat moswalt got paid a lot of money to punch that stuff up

[33:37] yeah well but there are these moments of

[33:39] i actually think that

[33:41] if you took out all those a d r ad lib lines

[33:44] it might be a harrowing horror film

[33:48] but instead they're like there's just a lot of sounds in here let's get chevy in here

[33:51] to just punch it up a little bit

[33:52] with a couple of ad libs and chevy chase probably came in and said

[33:57] oh boy

[33:58] and they're like yeah chevy that was great uh... maybe just take another run at that

[34:03] maybe another joke

[34:04] nope that's fine

[34:06] i think you're forgetting that i'm still a superstar chevy maybe take off your sunglasses

[34:13] it's a projection room i don't know that you can see the screen

[34:16] boy she's real ugly

[34:18] i think we got it guys no uh... chevy could

[34:21] could you act like you're in the scene? nope

[34:24] you're just stating things that are true

[34:27] a to c

[34:29] i don't think there was an uh...

[34:31] an instance of printed matter

[34:33] in the film

[34:34] that chevy chase did not read out loud for the benefit presumably of uh... illiterate

[34:38] audience members not a single

[34:41] not a single headline of a newspaper not a single street signs like

[34:45] hmm turn left

[34:47] or he was doing it radio drama style later on or he was just like oh that almost hit us

[34:52] right yeah thanks

[34:53] thanks chevy

[34:54] yeah did you think this was going to double as like the tape version that kids could buy

[35:00] yeah it's a cassette tape audio tape for long car rides

[35:03] we're running down the hallway beep turn the page you're listening to nothing but trouble

[35:08] you have reached the end of cassette a

[35:11] they put in cassette b of nothing but trouble it's me bozo the clown let me tell you a story

[35:17] about my friends chevy and debbie

[35:19] they had nothing but trouble

[35:22] when you hear the beep turn the page

[35:24] but uh... they so they their friends i wonder how much nothing but trouble merchandise was

[35:29] made

[35:30] during the movie i googled nothing but trouble merchandise and i just found a bunch of red

[35:34] bubble accounts of people's uh...

[35:38] like vulcanvania t-shirts they made really like later bootleg stuff later bootleg stuff

[35:43] are you suggesting that there there's a small community of troubleheads

[35:47] nothing buddies troubleheads they consider to be a little bit of a slur

[35:57] justice of the peace played by dan ackroyd who is an aged fellow and the most grotesque

[36:02] character until later in the movie when we meet the really most grotesque characters

[36:06] and he takes sheer pleasure in killing anybody who he considers a criminal especially bankers

[36:13] because a long time ago bankers came and swindled them out of the title to this land and they

[36:17] drilled underneath it and mined everything and now it's hollow and full of fire and they're

[36:21] forced to live there i guess and and just be in the middle of hell

[36:25] and so he sentences them he presides over a disgusting clan of mutants

[36:32] but not in the fun the hills have eyes way

[36:35] no right cooking and eating a baby right in the not fun the horrifying nothing but trouble

[36:39] way and cherry chase just cannot help but being a cynical jerk

[36:43] even when it gets on the wrong side of this dude

[36:46] and he says i will not murder you you will stay overnight and have supper with us

[36:54] to keep this dumb movie going and it's important right after the after they drop him in a ball

[36:58] pit uh they're full of something that is squeaky and they must have added so many squeaks after

[37:03] the fact every move or just moments there's you hear like and i think as a kid i thought

[37:10] it was full of rats because of the squeakiness but nobody reacts as if it is that like they

[37:15] go through a trap door into a ball pit then i would fall into a pit full of rats long

[37:19] before i would spend 10 minutes here's the deal and i don't want to spoil this for anybody

[37:25] a harsh judgment if you go into if you go into this character's court the character had about

[37:32] 15 different names he was credited as jp for justice of the peace also known as alvin also

[37:37] known as the reeve uh and they called judge right and he's basically just it doesn't underestimate

[37:44] the audience like it trusts you to follow that stuff that's right and that he's the king of

[37:47] valconvania they spent a lot of time building that world there was some weird description

[37:54] law like everything else in this movie long and unnecessary description of the political

[37:59] structure of this particular shire but it's still that it adhered to pre-colonial

[38:05] laws of some kind magna carta laws established is what they go by right and so he has the power

[38:12] to kill anyone he wants and it's yeah there's every everything in this movie takes longer than

[38:18] it should and so i wouldn't be surprised if dan acroyd has like a 100 page packet of the history

[38:25] of these characters in this play oh i think you're absolutely right i mean you know the the the the

[38:31] world that he built for ghostbusters is a 10 000 pages long on his own head yeah i mean we know

[38:37] this i've been trying to find if any listener has one of these i've been trying to find an original

[38:41] script for ghostbusters when it was when it was about him and john belushi traveling through time

[38:46] and alternate dimensions and the idea and there was like a version of new york that was like a

[38:51] hell version of new york and the idea was that there were different teams of ghostbusters that

[38:55] traveled through space and time fighting demon ghosts from other dimensions like i want to read

[39:00] this script so badly because it's it's like i don't know how that turned into ghostbusters

[39:04] one of the most stripped down clearest concepts which is that like three buddies fight ghosts

[39:09] like it's like they're exterminators basically yeah they're exterminators but for ghosts this

[39:14] is how this is how it happened someone said hey dan you're amazing thank you for this

[39:22] this is great you're brilliant and but we're gonna do this instead and danica was like all right

[39:31] sounds good to me how many different characters with weird prosthetics on their face do i get

[39:35] to play well right but i mean this is the movie where no one said to dan akaroid yeah no they

[39:40] just said yes and this is what this is the full the pure distillation of the spirit of akaroid

[39:46] and a crystal head skull bottle and he so they're his captives he feeds them a dinner of big hot

[39:53] dogs they introduce him to his granddaughter also played by john and we also see another

[39:57] group of ne'er-do-wells featuring

[40:00] At least one Baldwin, possibly three, I don't know.

[40:03] It's two couples who are drinking, doing drugs,

[40:07] driving too fast.

[40:10] Like every crime a person could commit in a car,

[40:13] they're doing that.

[40:14] And they get pulled over, and they're

[40:15] sentenced immediately to be put on a conveyor belt

[40:19] into a roller coaster that's called the Bone Stripper.

[40:22] Mr. Bone Stripper.

[40:23] Mr. Bone Stripper.

[40:25] Mr. Bone Stripper lives in Florida.

[40:27] Call me Tad.

[40:29] Tad Bone Stripper.

[40:31] And the Bone Stripper is just revolving gears and knives

[40:35] that literally strip the flesh from your bones

[40:37] and then spit the bones out at the target.

[40:39] There are so many piles of human bones

[40:41] in this movie, which, as Dan pointed out,

[40:43] are almost all femurs, skull or a rib cage.

[40:46] He's been killing a lot of people with 10 legs.

[40:49] It's like in certain versions of the video game Mortal Kombat,

[40:52] where you perform a fatality, and it's all

[40:55] like chicken bones flying in the air after you punch somebody.

[40:58] That guy was four rib cages, I guess.

[41:01] Vulcanvania has a very high crime rate among centaurs,

[41:04] because there's just extra leg bones everywhere.

[41:07] They're like Spider-Men.

[41:08] I really like picturing you, Stuart,

[41:10] as a young man playing Mortal Kombat,

[41:11] going, well, this is anatomically incorrect.

[41:14] This is not possible.

[41:16] I'll stop masturbating now, I guess.

[41:21] You made me a promise.

[41:22] No one go near this machine.

[41:24] If you must, perform a babality and not a fatality.

[41:30] Right, so they kill off-

[41:31] So you're saying there was a pogrom amongst the centaurs

[41:33] in Vulcanvania.

[41:34] And yeah, and this judge is to blame.

[41:37] And so now the stakes have been established.

[41:41] If they are on this judge's bad side, they will be killed-

[41:44] Their bones will literally be stripped.

[41:46] Yeah, and they don't get those bones back.

[41:49] The judge gets to keep them.

[41:50] He keeps them in his walls, along with his slides.

[41:55] A series of slides and trapdoors.

[41:56] And secret passages.

[41:57] It's like the way a kid understands an old house to be,

[41:59] which is like, that's a big house.

[42:01] It must be full of traps and slides.

[42:03] As opposed to, this is an old house.

[42:04] The structure really can't support all this extra stuff.

[42:07] Like the walls are not gonna be full of slides

[42:09] and machinery and stuff like that.

[42:11] But at this point, they're served a disgusting dinner.

[42:16] There's a train that goes around with condiments on it

[42:18] while a song plays.

[42:19] This happens twice.

[42:20] It was the Wabash Cannonball.

[42:22] Was it a song?

[42:23] Oh, I didn't recognize it.

[42:24] It was in the centerpiece of the movie.

[42:25] Like, this is where-

[42:26] In the centerpiece of the dinner table.

[42:27] Right.

[42:28] There's so many unnecessary gadgets

[42:30] and every room is full.

[42:32] It looks like they went to somebody on the show, Hoarders,

[42:34] and they were like,

[42:35] can we just shoot this movie in your house?

[42:37] And-

[42:38] Can we add some stuff?

[42:39] Add a few things.

[42:41] As long as you pay me in cat skeletons.

[42:43] Throw a little few more bones.

[42:45] Well, we can't, but we have some femurs.

[42:48] Good enough.

[42:49] Throw some more busted typewriters over there

[42:51] and some more old, whatever, I don't know,

[42:54] go to the dump, pick up like three tons of shit

[42:57] and just like drop it around the house.

[42:59] I would like to see,

[43:00] I'm going to look up who the set decorator was.

[43:01] I mean, the set decorator did,

[43:03] I didn't know-

[43:04] No, he did a fantastic job.

[43:05] The other person's work.

[43:06] The quality of the job was not amazing,

[43:08] but the quantity of the job was astounding.

[43:10] But if you-

[43:11] The set decorations are pretty amazing.

[43:13] If you find it inherently funny

[43:15] to have phallic sausages served to people at a dinner,

[43:19] oh boy.

[43:20] If you want to watch-

[43:21] Oh, brother.

[43:21] Let me ask you this question.

[43:24] I love that joke so much

[43:26] that I'd like to see it seven or eight times.

[43:29] Does this movie have anything for me?

[43:32] Oh, sister.

[43:35] John Candy and Drag is serving up sausages

[43:39] out of a steamer tray.

[43:40] Every time she presents to someone,

[43:41] they react as if they've never seen a sausage before.

[43:45] They're horrified by the very idea

[43:47] of something long and tube-shaped.

[43:49] Of like a delicious thing that everybody likes to eat.

[43:52] Demi Moore takes about three minutes

[43:54] to manhandle a ants on the log onto her plate

[43:57] as if she doesn't realize she could use her left hand

[44:00] to pick this piece of celery up.

[44:02] John Candy goes,

[44:03] ants on the log,

[44:04] and Demi Moore reacts as if it was the eyeball soup

[44:06] from Temple of Doom.

[44:07] Like she just said,

[44:08] oh, there's monkey brains.

[44:09] I don't know how to handle this.

[44:11] But so, after they-

[44:12] Now, this is where you-

[44:13] It is kind of a funny joke, though.

[44:14] Like if I went to a formal dinner party

[44:16] and someone offered me ants on the log.

[44:17] I would hardly call it a formal dinner party.

[44:20] Look, they're-

[44:21] It's not black tie.

[44:23] There's no place cards.

[44:24] Okay, I think that you're right.

[44:25] They did not dress for dinner.

[44:26] I apologize. It's just dinner.

[44:27] Yeah.

[44:28] But ants on the log is, I guess,

[44:30] is a funny thing for them to serve.

[44:31] Yeah.

[44:32] Well, yeah.

[44:33] I mean, if it had just been like ants on a log,

[44:35] then that's the joke.

[44:36] Yeah. Done.

[44:37] You know what I mean?

[44:38] But instead she's like,

[44:39] whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[44:40] How do I pick this up?

[44:42] How does any human handle this?

[44:44] I've never understood this.

[44:45] Do I need tongs?

[44:47] So to make a long story short,

[44:49] they run around this mansion forever.

[44:51] Taylor Negron and his sister wife,

[44:53] I guess it's just a sister,

[44:54] they escape, helped by John Candy.

[44:57] And Demi Moore and Chevy Chase find themselves

[45:00] in an attic full of driver's licenses

[45:02] from previous victims.

[45:03] Yeah, where they smoke the eighth cigar

[45:05] that Chevy Chase apparently has on him.

[45:07] Chevy Chase is constantly pulling cigars

[45:09] out of his pocket and smoking them.

[45:11] And it's like, how many cigars?

[45:13] He has a keyboard jacket.

[45:14] Yep.

[45:16] Like, sure, I'll do this movie for you as a favor.

[45:19] You have to pay me in cigars.

[45:20] Yeah, underneath my suit jacket,

[45:22] I'm just wearing a Chewbacca bandolier of cigars.

[45:26] So just be ready for me to pull them out.

[45:28] He and Demi Moore hit it off

[45:30] because I guess the fear of death.

[45:32] The script said that it had to happen.

[45:34] It's the realization that how large this conspiracy goes.

[45:39] But also, I have never seen, I think, in any movie,

[45:44] two larger blanks than these two main characters.

[45:47] I mean, they're rich yuppies,

[45:48] which means we like them because it's-

[45:50] Right, oh, they made it.

[45:51] Yeah, exactly, they're successful.

[45:53] Well, like I was saying while we were watching it,

[45:55] this took place during the first

[45:57] of what I'm gonna call the Trump crests,

[45:59] when Donald Trump went from being

[46:00] like a vulgar, horrible thing to someone

[46:04] that people admired and wanted to be like.

[46:06] And then he fell back down again,

[46:07] and now he's back on the top of the second Trump crest.

[46:10] But at the time, it was like,

[46:11] are you rich, and white, and attractive?

[46:15] You must be the best person in the world.

[46:17] Yeah, you're the hero of the movie now.

[46:18] Yeah, like you're the hero.

[46:19] You're Chevy Chase.

[46:20] Yeah, if you have a nice car, oh, great, I love you.

[46:23] Do you clearly define motives?

[46:25] No, who cares?

[46:26] It's similar to how in Teen Wolf,

[46:29] his best friend, Boof, is objectively more attractive

[46:32] than the girl he's going after,

[46:33] but she's blonde, and Boof is a brunette.

[46:35] So scientifically, the blonde is more desirable.

[46:38] You'll never get over Boof.

[46:41] I like her a lot.

[46:42] Yeah, right, well.

[46:43] I mean, I feel like-

[46:44] She's got the name Boof, which is inherently adorable.

[46:48] It adds an air of mystery to her.

[46:50] How did she get that name, and what's her real name?

[46:52] There is-

[46:53] Is it Neckman?

[46:53] There is, absolutely.

[46:55] I actually felt that Chevy Chase was,

[46:59] like the movie opens in a realistic setting,

[47:02] like where you feel like,

[47:03] oh, this is going to be some sort of screwball,

[47:06] you know, modern screwball comedy about Wall Street,

[47:10] and Chevy Chase has got a certain amount of charm to him.

[47:13] He's got a little bit of roguish charm,

[47:14] and he's kind of underplaying everything,

[47:17] and I'm like, well, I'm going to see this movie,

[47:18] and then takes this hard left turn

[47:20] into phony Tim Burton territory,

[47:24] and you never know why she's going along,

[47:25] and they have zero chemistry with each other,

[47:27] and then all of a sudden, they are sentenced by the judge

[47:30] to spend the night together in a room, and then he-

[47:33] Which is like a sitcom judge sentence,

[47:35] or like, yeah, a romantic comedy movie,

[47:36] like, this couple's divorcing.

[47:38] Well, I sentence you to spend one night

[47:39] in the cabin alone together

[47:41] to see if there really is no spark left.

[47:43] Did you do that, judge?

[47:45] There's no spark, and there never was a spark.

[47:47] They have zero,

[47:48] absolutely nothing about their characters

[47:51] or their performances suggests that they should be together.

[47:53] Chevy Chase, of course, makes the moves on Demi Moore,

[47:56] and every- Kind of.

[47:58] Well, I mean, he's kind of-

[47:59] He gives her a cigar.

[48:00] He gives her a cigar, right?

[48:01] I mean, in a movie full of phallic symbols,

[48:03] that was the most subtle one he could do,

[48:06] and he kind of, like, makes a couple of

[48:09] sort of obligatory moves on her,

[48:12] and then she just goes,

[48:13] I have to kiss you on your face a lot,

[48:17] and I love you, and I fall for the wrong man all the time,

[48:20] but now I have to go to sleep, and then she goes away,

[48:22] and it was such a strange moment, right?

[48:27] It felt like a dream sequence,

[48:28] and since it came shortly after a moment

[48:30] where we all assume Chevy Chase dreams

[48:34] that Dan Aykroyd's character's nose is an actual penis-

[48:37] Right.

[48:38] This is handled so poorly.

[48:39] Moments away from spurting semen all over the hotdog

[48:42] he's shoving in his mouth.

[48:43] Dan Aykroyd's talking to him.

[48:44] It cuts to Chevy Chase.

[48:45] It cuts back, and Dan Aykroyd is wearing

[48:47] a much more penis-like prosthetic nose.

[48:49] And it started out pretty penis-like.

[48:51] Yeah, and then it cuts back to Chevy Chase,

[48:53] and he's like, huh?

[48:54] And then it cuts back to Dan Aykroyd

[48:55] looking the way he did before

[48:56] in the slightly less penis nose,

[48:58] but there's no, like, there's no filter on the image

[49:01] to make sure you know it's a dream.

[49:03] It's just like-

[49:03] I can only-

[49:04] It's almost like they did a take

[49:05] with the wrong prosthetic on,

[49:07] and then Dan Aykroyd saw his reflection in a mirror

[49:09] and was like, oh, we said no to this one

[49:11] because it looked too much like a penis.

[49:13] Give me the other one.

[49:14] Can I get it?

[49:14] Take it.

[49:15] I can only-

[49:16] Guarantee, no, here's what I, let's go ahead.

[49:17] I'm just saying, I'm assuming there's an entire cut

[49:20] of the movie where he shot with the more penis-

[49:22] Yeah, no, exactly.

[49:24] Like, that's where I feel like they finally said

[49:26] to Dan Aykroyd, we can't, you can't wear that.

[49:28] You can't wear that in the movie.

[49:29] And he's like, let me have it for one scene.

[49:33] This is the first movie that got an NC-17

[49:35] for explicit nose.

[49:40] He said, trust me, it's gonna,

[49:41] people are gonna love it.

[49:42] You said the same thing about you getting a blow job

[49:44] from a ghost, and it's the one scene nobody likes

[49:47] in that movie, Dan.

[49:49] That's true, I just re-watched Ghostbusters

[49:51] with my children, and I'm like, oh, come on.

[49:53] And that was part of a whole other sequence

[49:55] that got cut, is my understanding of it.

[49:58] Well, go on.

[50:00] Museum of Natural History or something like that something like that or the Met or I don't know but like how do you explain that?

[50:06] To your child to your children, by the way, yeah

[50:10] Just just stare straight ahead and don't make eye contact

[50:15] Get through it and see if any questions bubble up like no, all right good look

[50:19] You'll get blowjobs from a ghost when you're ready

[50:23] You'll understand later when it goes

[50:26] When a creep and a ghost love each other very much now

[50:30] I'd like to imagine that your children turned you in there like dad

[50:32] Is there anything you want us to explain about what just happened there? Yeah, right because I know you're from more innocent time

[50:36] It's true. That's true when there weren't ectoplasmic blowjobs all over the place

[50:41] on snapchat or whatever

[50:43] So they they managed to escape because John Candy pulls a lever that opens a door for them

[50:48] And yeah, he takes pity on them. He does

[50:51] He's the nicest guy. He's just trying to do his job as a policeman now

[50:55] That now they're on the run debt

[50:58] Chevy chase manages to watch as Dan Aykroyd gets ready for bed and pulls his own nose off and then wait a minute

[51:04] Wait a minute. Wait a minute

[51:05] You've jumped ahead wait

[51:07] first of all before

[51:10] He sees the nose coming off. They leave their bedroom then

[51:16] Crush them Chevy chase narrates exactly what the wall is doing at every moment and now it's five feet away

[51:21] Now it's three feet away. Now. It's two feet away. Let's go up these stairs

[51:23] Oh, it's a blind staircase. They go up into the attic. It's rigged

[51:27] There's a booby trap in the attic. They almost get crushed by a safe

[51:31] because Wiley coyote Wiley coyote designed

[51:35] exactly because the the attic is the repository of all of the

[51:40] drivers licenses and passports that have been confiscated by the

[51:43] Dan Aykroyd character and his his forefathers over hundreds of years. It's the rare evidence attic

[51:50] Evidence at the top instead of in the dungeon, right exactly they get but but they end up going down slides there

[51:56] then they go down slides, but the slides take a

[51:59] make a

[52:00] Working path. Yeah, Chevy chase watches Dan Aykroyd get ready for bed and Demi Moore and through his Porky's hole. Yeah

[52:08] Demi Moore ends up in and Dan Aykroyd catches him and whatever and Demi Moore ends up in the junkyard where we finally meet the

[52:15] least the most grotesque

[52:17] Thing which are two

[52:19] Enormous, let's just say again. This is a movie in which Dan Aykroyd has a penis on his nose

[52:24] Unmistakably, it's like Dan Aykroyd was like, I'm worried. There are people who are still gonna be like enjoying this movie

[52:31] There might still be people in the theater by this point. Let me get them out

[52:38] Because I'm trying to make the least successful

[52:40] History, how do we drive out that extra person who fell asleep during the beginning of the film and is still in there?

[52:46] I have a two enormous

[52:48] mentally deficient

[52:50] Man babies who are wearing huge and latex fat suits that jiggle a lot and are constantly. Yeah, they've got double

[52:57] Double like man double man double man boobs and huge

[53:02] dirty diapers

[53:04] Giant gut and they're all really oily and talk in like a duh-duh type way and it's implied

[53:12] Have become sexually attracted to Demi Moore or maybe want to eat her like it's you know

[53:17] They keep her in a cage and play cards

[53:21] They play cards and it's like it's at that point. I feel like where the movie has gone from

[53:25] Semi-realistic to bizarre. That's the point are to like nightmare

[53:29] That's the point that Dan Aykroyd put into the movie

[53:31] He's like this is gonna be really great for people who have a really high fever when they're watching this at home

[53:36] Trying to explain it to people later on and the other people be like no that didn't happen

[53:42] Sure, you saw it. No, no, I did

[53:46] Take him away

[53:48] Why do I try to explain this to an Irish police officer take away nothing to see here certainly no man, baby

[53:54] These two characters are so

[53:58] Shockingly

[54:00] Repulsive on every level

[54:04] Like I kind of was speechless for a moment and I and there was a moment I was wondering like

[54:09] Maybe I have this all wrong. Maybe this is art

[54:15] It's I can't help during scenes like this movies I can't imagine like

[54:19] What was it like to be on set while they're shooting this?

[54:22] Like was anyone there under the impression that like this is funny stuff that we're making

[54:27] Like just imagine like the technical crew who they don't give a shit about the content of the movie

[54:32] They're working on a jobs a job and they have to watch these two

[54:35] Overpaid actors one of whom is also the director and is giving them

[54:39] Direction while wearing this giant oiled up man, baby costume and then to watch him jiggle around and like do a dumb guy

[54:50] I'm trying to kill someone

[54:53] Those are the last scenes shot because nobody would work with

[54:56] Right after that what I would love is it's one of the last days and the makeup artist is like look I brought my son

[55:02] He's a huge Ghostbusters fan. He's always wanted to meet Dan Aykroyd. Let me bring him on the set today. Oh

[55:08] No, he has to meet him this day

[55:10] It's like that that what is it the long jaunt like this the kid the kid his hair goes white and he's blind

[55:16] He's just like

[55:19] Eyes have been torn out

[55:23] But

[55:24] but uh, she

[55:26] They you know, luckily

[55:29] Dan Aykroyd, well, then they reunite in an escape. I mean, who cares?

[55:35] We skip that one Chevy Chase is almost forced to marry Dan Aykroyd's granddaughter played by John Candy

[55:40] He does he does marry her marry her to get out of being killed and then expletive inexplicably digital

[55:48] Forms a song Dan Aykroyd boogies with them by playing the organ and then allows them to go

[55:53] But just they'll be the banning just for the digital underground people in the audience. The song they performed was

[55:58] all the same song I

[56:00] Think it's from Sex Packets

[56:02] and it features both shock G and

[56:04] Humpty so that's not as well as well as backing vocals by Tupac Shakur

[56:08] So it's not a song that they wrote for the movie. That was already a no and maybe it wasn't on Sex Packets

[56:13] Maybe it was in their follow-up record because that would be around the time of their follow

[56:17] trying to launch

[56:19] their next album

[56:20] the video had a bunch of stuff from the movie because I hadn't seen the movie when I saw the video and I was like

[56:25] This looks great as a child for some reason like clips of this movie were just enough to

[56:31] Like give me a little bit of a taste a little bit of an appetizer

[56:36] So what you could be mine was to Terminator 2 one of the better synthesis is of song to video

[56:42] That's mainly scenes from a movie. Uh-huh. This was to all the same song kinda

[56:47] I mean

[56:47] I don't remember it features a scene at the end where like that wasn't featured in the actual movie where

[56:53] Characters interact like at the end of the you could be mine video. Yeah

[56:56] The Terminator determines that guns and roses are in fact a waste of ammunition. Yeah, or pretty Krueger in that docking video

[57:03] Yeah, where he's like, who are those guys? They're super terrifying

[57:07] when you saw the vid when you saw the the video of the song did it include the

[57:13] Dan Aykroyd and old man prosthetics jamming out on the pipe organ insurance did I don't know what was wrong with me as a child

[57:20] I think my parents let me watch TV in the basement and it just worked my well

[57:24] You live you lived in a house that was full of slides and traps and your trap doors

[57:29] People through the bone-eating roller. Mr. Bone stripper. Yep

[57:39] Family history with like a burned-out half TV set

[57:51] With modern and ancient times

[57:54] Like this soft melodic version of the mr. Bone stripper thief. Yeah, this is mr. Bone jangles

[58:03] No, but it is where mr. Bone stripper strip some bones for me, you know

[58:07] This is a it is worth mentioning that the digital underground thing is easily the best scene of the movie because it is

[58:14] Just a musical break

[58:16] The movie is not happen

[58:18] Happening digital underground is doing what they do best. Yeah music. There's women in skimpy clothes dancing around

[58:23] It's suddenly like we're watching the box the old music video channel where you would call in and take

[58:30] $3 to get them to play a video and the video pop your coochie was constantly playing

[58:36] But uh, it's shot wearing his nose and we're all and all is right with the world

[58:41] Look you guys as I mentioned. I

[58:44] Am Brookline, Massachusetts biggest digital underground fan

[58:48] And I love that band and I think shock G is a genius. I think Humpty Hump is an incredible invention and

[58:56] I think their songs are terrific and that guy I'm shocked you if you're out there

[59:01] Call me because I want to know what's going on with you because that guy had tons of charisma in that movie

[59:06] He should have been a movie star. He was Tupac Tupac was

[59:10] Also like commanded the screen the few seconds he was on it's amazing how much gent like genuine magnetism they have in one scene

[59:17] Yeah, and there's a part where they're leaving and Chevy Chase is like no no no, and he goes

[59:22] Hey, I was I was nervous on my wedding day too. And as he's walking out and it is the funniest

[59:27] And the most genuine ad-lib

[59:30] He's created a character. You're like, I want to know more about I want to know I want to follow. Can we go?

[59:36] We go with them

[59:38] Story all of a sudden

[59:41] Left and followed a bunch of a suit basically featured players

[59:45] And just follow them on their adventure like I guess like Pulp Fiction style, right?

[59:49] I'd be like this was yeah, that was the right creative choice to know it's a crazy thing that just happened

[59:53] But now I'm glad we're the digital underground to pop. So Chevy Chase said I've looked it up

[1:00:00] That he hated the script, but he had to make it because Dan Aykroyd was his friend and it was the worst movie

[1:00:06] He had ever been in

[1:00:08] in the next year he would make

[1:00:11] Memoirs of an Invisible Man and then the year after that he made cops and robbers ins

[1:00:16] The year after this movie Tupac Shakur Tupac Shakur was in juice

[1:00:21] Okay, and was suddenly a true movie star

[1:00:24] So you're saying they peed in a fountain together?

[1:00:26] Yeah, they held a magic skull that was on set

[1:00:28] Something happened

[1:00:30] So you think Chevy Chase was meant to be murdered in a drive-by whereas Tupac Shakur, it should be on the community

[1:00:39] You know what, I think all of America is agreeing with you right now

[1:00:46] And we all and we all know how the West Coast rappers hated Chevy Chase

[1:00:50] I

[1:00:52] Mean huge feud look at history. There's a subset of the everybody versus Chevy Chase

[1:00:57] Planet Earth versus Chevy Chase. I can only imagine Chevy Chase and dr. Dre at the California love video

[1:01:06] Right just rescuing those babes from that warlord

[1:01:12] Chevy Chase is humming. Call me out

[1:01:14] There's a wonderful moment where they're escaping in what remains of Chevy Chase's car and

[1:01:18] Demi Moore says there's no seatbelts and he goes there's no roof and their mouths are not moving

[1:01:26] I know they're on camera. We'll just dub it in anyway, and they escape they go to the police

[1:01:31] The police come with them to the judge's house it with huge

[1:01:35] Convoy of troopers and everything because this man has been murdering people for decades

[1:01:39] They're all the judges friends. They love him. They like that. He's taken out the trash and they're about it's a classic horror movie reverse

[1:01:45] Yeah, that it turns out the world is insane turns out. Dr. Saperstein's in on it. Yeah, that's you know what I'm talking about

[1:01:52] So it's a Rosemary's baby. We call that a malign paradigm shift

[1:01:57] You realize that all the other patrons in the in the medieval Bible are

[1:02:03] Reality is wrong. Yeah. Yeah, it's a real society take. Yep. Exactly

[1:02:07] So the then luckily the movie doesn't linger on that moment long at all. No, the one moves back to the laughs genuine unsettling this

[1:02:15] Sorry, they uh-oh

[1:02:17] Luckily the earthquake that's been hinted at throughout the movie because the ground is so unstable

[1:02:21] So it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a

[1:02:26] It's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a it's a

[1:02:31] Unstable, there's been a there's been a coal fire for 26 years. Oh, that's right, which is based on Centralia, Pennsylvania

[1:02:38] Yes

[1:02:38] where there has been a coal fire that has been burning for now probably only Pennsylvania was within driving distance of New York and

[1:02:44] They could have seen a movie there, but fortunately it's on the other side of the country, right?

[1:02:49] They and I guess because Chevy Chase blew up a bunch of barrels trying to escape from the the like full-body

[1:02:56] Guillotine that the man-baby were about to subject to Demi Moore through against their will they loved her

[1:03:01] Yeah that that hit a fault line I guess or something which also they didn't make that connection. That's my guess

[1:03:07] I don't know cuz it's not very clear. Yeah

[1:03:09] Well, I mean at that point I had stopped worrying about whether anything was causing anything else to happen in the movie at all

[1:03:14] If it was just happening, I mean the movie posits a world where there is no logic or causality, right?

[1:03:20] I'm caring God

[1:03:22] Not only uncaring hates man and wants man to suffer and has brought much like the judge in blood meridian

[1:03:29] We have the judge in nothing but trouble who is just an agent of evil

[1:03:33] who perhaps is as old as the universe and will outlive man and

[1:03:37] Exists only to take joy in the seduction and then destruction of others

[1:03:41] But so that hits they escape again

[1:03:44] And they're back in New York and they find out on the TV news that the judge has survived and he's gonna come get them

[1:03:50] Chevy chase literally

[1:03:52] Jumps up and you see a Chevy chase shaped hole in the wall as if he ran through it like Bugs Bunny

[1:03:58] There you go around broke down

[1:04:05] And that was that the moment so Chevy Chase is in New York and he's watching

[1:04:10] Which I looked over at Hodgeman to see

[1:04:15] Well, because that was the return of the penis nose at that moment, too, I mean, yeah

[1:04:20] Oh, yeah, that was the it was not just that the that

[1:04:24] So Chevy Chase is in New York watching television coverage of the mine fire and they find an old

[1:04:30] Vagrant and it turns out to be Dan Aykroyd and he turns to the camera. He's got that penis nose on

[1:04:35] He's like I'm coming for you. And then Jerry goes feets. Don't fail me now

[1:04:39] The end

[1:04:41] Thank you and the credits roll and somewhere in the dusty corner of a planet Hollywood the facial prosthetic of

[1:04:51] Planet Hollywood in like Bangkok that's been demolished

[1:04:54] You know what?

[1:04:55] They couldn't sustain itself and all the props are taken out except that one and the camera

[1:04:59] pushes through the rubble right pushes past like

[1:05:02] There's a there's a group of street people who are coming down with strange diseases and it pushes in on that prosthetic and it just

[1:05:08] Glows briefly and then cut the credits

[1:05:11] It's evil is still inside it waiting for a new host. Now. I'm gonna say something

[1:05:17] That may be controversial at this table Wow, okay. Okay. Let me steal myself. I

[1:05:24] Felt that Dan Aykroyd's performance was fantastic

[1:05:29] I'll give you that. He is he is playing that character as much as that character can be played

[1:05:35] Yes, it's just he gave it gives himself no funny things to do. Well, he shouldn't be funny

[1:05:39] I mean, he should be creepy. This was Dan Aykroyd's attempt to make either a horror movie or like a horror comedy

[1:05:47] either like a gothic horror comedy like a Tim Burton or as we were saying like a

[1:05:52] freak-out horror comedy like

[1:05:54] Texas Chainsaw and

[1:05:55] The problem was he couldn't make a Tim Burton movie because he doesn't have good taste or discretion or restraint of any kind

[1:06:02] And he doesn't know how to direct a movie

[1:06:08] Well, right

[1:06:09] But I mean like when you think about maybe when you think about this movie in contrast to like Beetlejuice

[1:06:13] Which had a lot of upper-class

[1:06:16] Sort of you know

[1:06:17] The straights in the movie where these upper-class rich people and that you know

[1:06:22] they were they were the grotesques and the monsters were the sort of

[1:06:28] Freewheeling agents of chaos that you kind of liked even when Beetlejuice was terrifying, right?

[1:06:33] Well, so if you it in this movie, they had it the other way around they made the monsters

[1:06:39] you know, they made the grotesque characters the villains and the

[1:06:44] Rich people the heroes when it should have been the other way around. Well when you're talking about like country versus city

[1:06:50] the country is only good in a horror movie like the

[1:06:54] the city or the country are the like the

[1:06:57] Oppressors in a horror movie because it's like the backwoods maniacs in a comedy

[1:07:02] Country always beat city like cities always bad. Yeah, right

[1:07:06] Crocodile Dundee's if that's a comedy, is that a comedy?

[1:07:10] Jokes like, you know, like even if even if country in a horror movie is

[1:07:16] is an agent of

[1:07:18] Murder, right and and terror and horror. It's always because the city kids deserve it

[1:07:25] because they're

[1:07:26] Shallow or they kissed each other or something, you know, are they they they cross some taboo?

[1:07:31] I mean in Texas Chainsaw Massacre, I think it's just that they're super irritating

[1:07:35] The

[1:07:38] TCM one or TCM to TCM one, especially wheelchair kid

[1:07:43] So brave about that movies it made wheelchair kid the worst

[1:07:47] I think it was Joe Bob Briggs who was saying that like never has an audience wanted a handicapped character

[1:07:53] That's why that movie is art

[1:07:56] That's why this movie is not just like so Texas Chainsaw Massacre

[1:07:59] I remember the first time I saw that there's the scene where they wake up grandpa

[1:08:03] And he's going to they want him to use a hammer to bash that one's head in

[1:08:07] He just can't quite lift it up and they're like, come on grandpa. Come on grandpa, and it's so frightening disturbing

[1:08:13] but it's kind of funny that yeah, but and it was like that that moment is what every moment of nothing but trouble wants to

[1:08:21] Be right, but it can't pull it off. It's not successful, right?

[1:08:25] Yeah, and instead the movie becomes scarier for that. Like it's not as scary as Texas Chainsaw Massacre

[1:08:30] So it's scary to me that somebody wanted to make this movie like right madman is on the loose selling vodka

[1:08:36] This is like in real life. There's a there's a monster out there

[1:08:40] There's a Canadian monster

[1:08:42] Who's completely unpredictable? We don't know. We don't know what's motivating

[1:08:46] Hell and he's making us do things against our will like he held that cast against their will

[1:08:51] In there and and not just the cast but the crew as well

[1:08:54] And they're a cast who I mean John Candy also delivers a great performance

[1:08:58] Like he commits to what is he had to have known it wasn't good, right?

[1:09:03] But that's because he could tap into his his character who I think is supposed to be the grandson

[1:09:09] Dan Aykroyd who's been the sheriff in town all this time

[1:09:13] yeah, and he kind of takes pity on these people and kind of just wants to get them out of there and

[1:09:18] That's because he was able to tap into his own feelings about the movie. Like let me

[1:09:23] Let me just be straight with you you don't want to be here

[1:09:27] When he's saying to chase a serious character like look, I'm gonna ignore the fact you were speeding you went through a stop sign

[1:09:32] Let me just take you to the judge

[1:09:33] I'll recommend you have a fine then you can go and Chevy Chase talks himself into a death sentence

[1:09:38] But it's like John Candy saying the audience just let's just end the movie now. Yeah, I'm gonna let's just figure it out

[1:09:44] Right go. You probably got it. I forgive you for buying the ticket

[1:09:49] $5 to see this and then another four for popcorn right take the popcorn home finish it there cut your losses

[1:09:54] Don't cut your losses and get out. Look. It's 1991. It's Friday. Go watch TGIF, right? There's a new

[1:10:00] Exchangers, maybe full house put that put that popcorn in the fridge. It'll be good tomorrow, right?

[1:10:14] What is the science behind the crisper

[1:10:17] Well, there's what what we call crisp elves

[1:10:19] Which are tiny elves that make things crisper by adding little bits of cement. Are they are they crisp elves or crisp imps?

[1:10:27] That's that's a question that science is really

[1:10:32] Well, I mean crisp imp Glover

[1:10:36] But what I'm saying is if someone else had produced and directed this movie and just said but here's here's what happens the

[1:10:44] The creeps from the city are creeps and they need to be punished and your character has to be actually not funny, but terrifying

[1:10:51] Dan Aykroyd's performance even if you just re-edited that movie

[1:10:54] I bet you it would be totally watchable and weird performance because I don't miss I thought he I mean

[1:10:59] I thought he he acted the heck out of that

[1:11:02] I don't mind that any of our heroes are being put through the ringer like they're not likable at all

[1:11:08] I don't mind that they have to suffer a little right? I want to get Rob Zombie to go back and re-edit that movie

[1:11:19] Such a crazy origin story if it turned out this was his favorite movie

[1:11:24] Everything makes sense about you now Rob Zombie. It's it's very what are the house of 10,000 corpses?

[1:11:31] What's the one about the devil's the devil's rejects devil's reject? Yeah, did you like those movies?

[1:11:36] I've never seen all of them all the way through like I've only seen pieces. They're ridiculous, but kind of great

[1:11:43] I like the devil's rejects up until the final scene spoiler alert where they feature a lot of people

[1:11:50] Okay

[1:11:53] Sorry, I just do that sometimes

[1:11:55] When I see these movies is gonna be based around if I'm ever alone and Danielle's out of town

[1:12:00] Because I know there's certain movies

[1:12:02] I can't even watch when I know she might walk through the room

[1:12:04] Because I don't want to expose her to like the images that she's gonna see if I'm watching it on the iPad while I'm doing

[1:12:11] The dishes which is when I've watched most of my movies these days

[1:12:13] I know there's a chance she might walk over to get a glass of water and see something that

[1:12:16] You're watching there, what's that? Oh is that one of them those those devil rejects?

[1:12:20] It's just somebody's grandpa trying to hit someone with a hammer

[1:12:36] So should we go to final final judgment, I liked it movie. I kind of liked

[1:12:40] The movie is a good bad movie a bad bad movie or movie you kind of liked I'm gonna start off and say that

[1:12:47] This may no longer be my least favorite movie of all time

[1:12:51] I will say that because we've gone through so much in our years during the flop house that I've seen so many movies that

[1:12:59] Bore me so much more than this movie. Mm-hmm this movie like I there's something it has a

[1:13:07] Quixotic charm to it. Yeah, like I'm just baffled by why anyone did it

[1:13:13] That makes me kind of it's kind of lovable in a weird way

[1:13:16] I'm so glad that doing this podcast for eight and a half years has accomplished something. Yeah, you hate nothing but trouble slightly

[1:13:25] So that's my feelings on it

[1:13:27] It's it's it's just such a weird movie that I kind it's kind of Stockholm syndrome me a little bit

[1:13:31] Did you uh, did you give John our categories? Oh

[1:13:35] Well, yeah, I just said them I mean

[1:13:39] I know. Yeah, bad bad bad bad bad. I think that these are self-explanatory categories

[1:13:44] I think I think you're humoring somebody who's drunk and wasn't paying attention

[1:13:47] That's me Stewart. So I think we're doing this for years. You shouldn't what was the third?

[1:13:52] What so the categories are good bad bad bad and a movie you kind of like and the movies kind of like so it's a movie

[1:13:57] That actually like transcends the like oh, I'm just watching this bad movie for fun like irony

[1:14:03] You're like, oh, I enjoyed this on us on a sincere level, but a good bad movie something that you're like, this is stupid

[1:14:08] I'd watch this with friends and have some young and bad bad is just get it away

[1:14:11] Yeah, give them which this movie is still a bad bad movie as a child. I would say that this is a good great movie

[1:14:19] I love this thing grow as a grown-up. I do not like it at all. It's terrible. Did you enjoy it as a child?

[1:14:25] Did you watch a child and I watched it a bunch as a child?

[1:14:28] I'm sure and like I think I like the like carnival aspect of it and I'm you know

[1:14:33] I like horror movies a lot. So I think this I'm the Rob Zombie in this story

[1:14:39] Has to be I I've you know, I really feel that it verges on bad bad just because I've rarely been

[1:14:47] Physically repulsed in a way like well not physically, you know, I I've seen I see gory movies

[1:14:53] I see weird movie like I saw those Rob Zombie movies like that's that's some hard stuff to sit through

[1:14:58] But I found it compelling in this case. I found it

[1:15:03] Mind-bending Lee confusing as to what why a human would ever think another human would even look at such a thing

[1:15:08] It didn't sell it didn't sell its imagery in any way. It didn't make it

[1:15:13] didn't make it and and yet I have to say that I think that it was truly a an

[1:15:19] Expression of one individual's personal creativity

[1:15:24] Wildly misguided

[1:15:26] and and a

[1:15:29] Grotesque train wreck that I am glad to have seen after all of these years

[1:15:34] So I don't want to say it's a good bad movie like hey you put this on you'll have a great time

[1:15:40] but I I am I think I have to say that it's a bad bad movie, but

[1:15:45] Every now and then I think we need to see what a really bad bad movie is to remind us

[1:15:50] It's a character-building experience. Yes, it is. It's not boring. It's like I agree with Dan. It's not boring. It's compellingly

[1:15:58] Awful, and there are many many many questions that it raises

[1:16:02] That I like thinking about now a question like could it have been good and and I think it could have been good

[1:16:07] And if people say nothing but trouble to you, you will think of things from this movie

[1:16:12] Like there are images that will haunt you I would imagine away

[1:16:16] Well, that's I like I think I am with Dan only in that

[1:16:20] I don't I didn't hate it as much as I did as a child

[1:16:23] If only because I now have the emotional stability as an adult to be able to say like no

[1:16:28] That is not the world that I live in

[1:16:31] I recognize that this is a this is a strange way of viewing things as opposed to when I was a kid when I was like

[1:16:36] I

[1:16:37] Like I've seen these people in other movies, and they're really funny

[1:16:40] So if I think this is horrifying and not enjoyable like am I wrong here, right?

[1:16:45] So it made you question your own sanity. Yeah, so it's a bad bad movie, but by watching with you guys

[1:16:49] I feel like I've exercised some of those demons. Yeah

[1:16:53] We've all had some good therapy, and I don't know I still don't know why as a kid

[1:16:57] I watched it so many times just because it was on right, but but like this there are certain scenes in this

[1:17:02] There's a shot in the movie where Taylor Negron and his sister are just walking in a funny way into a parking garage

[1:17:08] And like that moment was burned into my brain and like there's so many random shots in this that I remember so well

[1:17:14] And I'm like okay good now. I can kind of lay lay them to rest a little bit. You know I've delivered

[1:17:18] I've delivered the the the mummified corpse of mama's baby to her and now maybe she'll leave my own children alone

[1:17:30] You want this right and mama's like no

[1:17:33] This garbage

[1:17:35] Football spike, I'm gonna turn into a wig and crawl around the ground a little bit again, so Dan that sounds good right yeah

[1:17:43] Dan is busy adjusting a cat in some way and so

[1:17:47] Whether we had some group therapy tonight

[1:17:49] Yeah

[1:17:50] I mean this was very helpful for me you guys worked through a lot of stuff having seen this movie many times and and I've worked

[1:17:56] Through something having never seen it before sorry Archie somehow managed to get his cone off

[1:18:01] And I had to put the cone back on Archie got neutered recently so Archie's Dan's cat not a human in the apartment

[1:18:10] By the way Dan keeps a number of humans

[1:18:14] Prisoner in his home, and they make some work on something makes him go through mr.. Bone

[1:18:20] Stripper

[1:18:24] Dan is a kind of gothic grotesque justice of the peace in a tiny town known as Dan's apartment

[1:18:30] Vania you're inviting some terrible fan art

[1:18:36] Yeah a picture of you as the does this is one of the few movies where I feel like I've never seen an image of

[1:18:42] It online, and there's a reason for that because they're fine to look at yeah

[1:18:46] It's not like you go to comic-con. You're like. Oh look at all this great. Nothing, but trouble cosplay all right

[1:18:52] That you know that would be that would be amazing

[1:19:00] A little it's it's little dead bull. I read I looked in the credits I

[1:19:07] Now have a cat in my lap

[1:19:09] Before mission cat is leapt up

[1:19:11] Into my left up left up left up. Yeah, that's the sound of heart makes left up left up left up

[1:19:19] But I'm laughing I

[1:19:22] urge you as you are I urge you not to skip ahead on your

[1:19:27] Podcast machine even though we're gonna take a little moment to ask you for some money. Yeah

[1:19:34] Yeah, we're gonna. We're gonna shake you hopefully some money. I'll fall out

[1:19:37] Yeah, well next one coffers now everyone has money that they used to buy lunch during the school day

[1:19:43] We want you to give us your lunch money in exchange normally for nothing in exchange normally for not being beaten

[1:19:48] Yeah, for this case. It's an exchange for high quality audio entertainment. We'll keep the other bully podcasts away from you

[1:19:57] Cool it's cool

[1:20:00] I mean, if you're anything like me, you have a neutered cat in your lap that I'm desperately

[1:20:12] trying to keep from leaping across into my co-host's allergic face.

[1:20:20] Because much like a ghost to Dan Aykroyd, Archie wants nothing more than to shove his

[1:20:25] face in my lap.

[1:20:27] And me being allergic, I don't like that.

[1:20:29] There's so many episodes now where I've had to maintain focus on what I'm saying while

[1:20:32] I'm shoving a cat out of my lap.

[1:20:35] And I've had to talk while playing with a cat with some kind of a colored string toy.

[1:20:39] Yeah, that's a big cross to bear.

[1:20:41] No, what I was going to say is, if you're anything like me, podcasts are actually a

[1:20:46] pretty major source of entertainment in your life.

[1:20:49] I listen to them more often than not when I'm commuting.

[1:20:53] I listen to them when I'm walking around in the city.

[1:20:56] Doing chores, probably.

[1:20:58] Fashioning new cat cones.

[1:21:00] Exactly.

[1:21:01] In the dark of the night when you're keeping the demons at bay.

[1:21:04] I need some other voice to drown out the one in my head.

[1:21:07] They're a source of entertainment for me.

[1:21:09] But not just entertainment.

[1:21:11] Information.

[1:21:13] Companionship.

[1:21:14] Comfort in the dark.

[1:21:16] I want to know some digital underground facts.

[1:21:18] I will go to John Hodgman.

[1:21:20] Look, let me just, I'm going to break it down for you guys.

[1:21:22] And maybe this is a little too harsh.

[1:21:24] Ultimately, we're all alone in the universe.

[1:21:27] No one will ever be inside our head.

[1:21:29] And nobody will ever touch our soul.

[1:21:32] But we can have the closest possible thing to that when we form the intimate connection

[1:21:37] that comes with listening.

[1:21:40] Where better to listen than from a collection of talented and intelligent and articulate

[1:21:45] individuals known as the Maximum Fun Network?

[1:21:48] If you want to feel a little bit less like one star in a vast expanse of darkness, donate.

[1:21:54] I'm just saying that I get more enjoyment and entertainment out of podcasts than I do

[1:22:00] out of many services that I pay money for.

[1:22:06] Like what, erotic massage?

[1:22:09] Like, it didn't say happy ending, but it was strongly implied in the advertisement.

[1:22:14] What's the one where they oil up and then they rub their whole body on you?

[1:22:17] I'm not saying I get more entertainment out of podcasts than I get from erotic massage.

[1:22:20] That would be madness.

[1:22:22] Right.

[1:22:23] Well, I think we've all established that podcasting is worth more than erotic massage.

[1:22:26] The question is how much money are you going to spend for us to give you a happy ending on this podcast?

[1:22:31] That would be so weird if that ended with us just narrating a happy ending for the audience.

[1:22:38] So let's not do that.

[1:22:39] But what do you get if, say, we mentioned there's a $5 entry barrier?

[1:22:42] Right.

[1:22:43] So $5 a month, you get access to all the exclusive bonus members-only content that Max Plan offers.

[1:22:49] This is literally hundreds of hours of special shows that The Flophouse has recorded,

[1:22:54] that other podcasts like Judge John Hodgman and all the other podcasts that you love at Maximum Fun have recorded just for donors.

[1:23:01] And not only do you get this year's bonus content, but all of the previous year's bonus content.

[1:23:05] It's tons of fun for you.

[1:23:07] It's a ton of great stuff.

[1:23:08] It's a ton of great stuff.

[1:23:09] I can specifically say that we did two live shows this year already at the Bell House, two sellout shows.

[1:23:17] One of them is going to show up in your regular feed at some point.

[1:23:22] But if you want to hear what we thought about the Entourage movie, the only way to do that is to donate to MaxFun at the $5 a month or better level because then you will get the bonus episode where we talk about Entourage.

[1:23:37] The only other alternative would be to kidnap us, make us watch it again, and then have us talk about it.

[1:23:41] That's right. If you're Dan Aykroyd, you probably could send agents to kidnap all of us and bring us to your weird Canadian mansion and fly us with a crystal head vodka and make us do it or make you guys do it again and me for the first time.

[1:23:58] I hope I get kidnapped with you, by the way.

[1:24:00] One of the many reasons why I wish I was the producer in charge of MTV's Cribs is because I would totally be going to Dan Aykroyd's crib.

[1:24:10] I'm assuming it's all Scarface memorabilia.

[1:24:13] It's a lot of motorcycles.

[1:24:15] What's it like at Jeffrey Combs' house?

[1:24:21] But Dan, you mentioned an important thing.

[1:24:23] Today on Cribs, Brian Yuzna.

[1:24:26] Dan, you mentioned an important thing, which is these thank you gifts that you get are cumulative.

[1:24:32] Let's say you give at the $10 per month level, you'll get the chance to choose a bandana, one of 22 bandanas, each one designed specifically for each of the shows at Maximum Fund.

[1:24:44] They're very sharp indeed, but again, not cutting sharp, just good-looking sharp.

[1:24:48] Then you would also get all the bonus content.

[1:24:51] If you go up again, and now I'm turning a page, a little behind-the-scenes podcasting magic.

[1:24:56] What's the name of the next level, John?

[1:24:58] That's the Max Fund Adventure Necessity Collection.

[1:25:01] At $20 a month, you're going to get a multi-tool like a Swiss Army knife with the Max Fund logo, hot chocolate packet, a paracord bracelet, and camping toilet paper.

[1:25:13] You get toilet paper.

[1:25:15] Like camping supplies.

[1:25:18] If you're trapped in the woods.

[1:25:20] People get lost in the woods.

[1:25:22] Well, the theme of all of these is adventure.

[1:25:26] Podcasting is the adventure of the mind.

[1:25:32] Audiobooks are movies for your mind, as we know.

[1:25:36] Let's say you have a little bit extra money to spend.

[1:25:40] Maybe you're one of these characters from – maybe one of these heroes from this movie we just saw.

[1:25:46] This do-nothing lawyer and this do-nothing rip-off artist stock tip trader.

[1:25:50] You already bought your car phone and your GPS and your Beetlejuice-patterned couch.

[1:25:54] Right.

[1:25:55] You still have $35 a month left over that you want to throw over to Maximum Fun.

[1:26:00] Well, guess what?

[1:26:01] You get a vacuum thermos with the Maximum Fun logo on it, plus the adventure kit, plus all of the bandana, plus everything else, the bonus content.

[1:26:09] And if you send in – if you email to me at Hodgman at MaximumFun.org your receipt, I will mispronounce your name on Instagram and Tumblr and Twitter, all my social media.

[1:26:19] Wow.

[1:26:20] That's great.

[1:26:21] That's not even an official –

[1:26:23] No, that's just extra.

[1:26:24] That's extra.

[1:26:25] That's Hodgman enthusiasm.

[1:26:26] And I don't think you have mentioned this part, but when you show up to work with that thermos, everyone else will be super jealous of you.

[1:26:33] Yeah.

[1:26:34] Of how warm your liquids are.

[1:26:36] Or cold. Or cold.

[1:26:39] It's a good point.

[1:26:40] Thermoses are – they go both ways.

[1:26:43] That's all I'm saying.

[1:26:44] That's all I've ever been saying.

[1:26:46] They're bifunctional.

[1:26:47] They're bithermious.

[1:26:50] Yeah, and look, it's just – I think it bears repeating again that –

[1:26:55] Bears?

[1:26:56] Not really.

[1:26:59] That podcasting may be sort of a newer sort of entertainment stream in your life, but it's one that I think that we all have sort of come to really rely on and really enjoy, and if you feel like it's something of worth to you, why not throw some money at it?

[1:27:17] Why not show that worth by supporting it, supporting art that you like?

[1:27:21] There's been a lot of talk over the past 15 to 20 years about this kind of free economy and how information wants to be free.

[1:27:28] That's total bullshit.

[1:27:29] Information wants money, so –

[1:27:31] Information being us.

[1:27:33] We want money.

[1:27:34] Well, like it's using information broadly as content.

[1:27:37] May I dare say, though, that Maximum Fund does not want money.

[1:27:41] It requires money to continue to bring these podcasts to you.

[1:27:45] There is a substantial amount of overhead that even the occasional sponsorship does not entirely cover.

[1:27:52] It's not our desire to come to you and ask for money.

[1:27:57] But I do think that obviously you guys have a real community with your fans.

[1:28:02] We at the Judge John Hodgman Podcast have a community with our fans, and I think there's a lot of overlap.

[1:28:07] In general, Maximum Fund feels like a big, large family.

[1:28:10] There is a sense of communal ownership over these shows, and now is the time when we have to come to you and say, if you like what we do, we hope that you'll support us because otherwise the lights will go out and the podcast will go dark.

[1:28:24] Oh, we just ran out of money, guys.

[1:28:27] Sorry.

[1:28:29] That's it. Never mind.

[1:28:31] It was that one person, Joe, in Altoona, Pennsylvania.

[1:28:35] Your hand was hovering over the donate button, and you decided not to do that.

[1:28:39] We needed you then, so sorry.

[1:28:41] Oh, man, Joe.

[1:28:42] You make a good point.

[1:28:43] Which makes a good point, which is you should do it right now.

[1:28:45] Yes, right immediately so you don't forget.

[1:28:46] Right.

[1:28:47] Pause this right now or just let it keep playing. I don't know.

[1:28:49] And go to –

[1:28:50] Open another window.

[1:28:52] On your device.

[1:28:53] Maximumfund.org slash donate.

[1:28:54] Maximumfund.org slash donate.

[1:28:57] And just do it right now before you forget.

[1:28:59] Yeah.

[1:29:00] Right now.

[1:29:01] They don't need that much information, just your credit card information.

[1:29:04] Right.

[1:29:05] And the money goes directly to the podcast that you listen to.

[1:29:06] You get to select.

[1:29:08] Select the podcast.

[1:29:09] Call it the Flophouse.

[1:29:10] Or Judge Sean Hodgman.

[1:29:11] Or Judge Sean Hodgman.

[1:29:12] Add it to Flophouse.

[1:29:13] And then the money goes to there with some of the amount of it going to Maximum Fund's

[1:29:19] general operating costs.

[1:29:21] But the vast majority of the donations.

[1:29:23] And there's a small 45% processing fee that goes to me.

[1:29:27] A small 45%.

[1:29:30] It's less than a majority.

[1:29:32] No.

[1:29:33] A portion of it goes to the network as a whole, but the larger portion of it goes directly

[1:29:37] to the podcast that you choose to tick off as your favorite as you make your donations.

[1:29:42] And if you're already a donor, consider the fact that there's a bunch of new shows out

[1:29:46] there that we've just launched this year that might want your support as well.

[1:29:51] Yeah.

[1:29:52] So you could increase your donation.

[1:29:53] Yeah.

[1:29:54] You can become a new donor.

[1:29:55] You can become an upgrading donor if you're a current donor.

[1:29:56] And you can upgrade.

[1:29:57] You can get $100 a month.

[1:29:58] $200 a month.

[1:30:00] to automatic registration at MaxFunCon, if you're one of those Brazilians, you don't

[1:30:08] have to tell me what that means.

[1:30:09] And you've been to MaxFunCon.

[1:30:13] I have been to MaxFunCon.

[1:30:15] It's a good time, right?

[1:30:16] It's an incredibly good time.

[1:30:17] Have you guys not been to MaxFunCon?

[1:30:19] No, we've never been.

[1:30:20] I think...

[1:30:21] Can we say this?

[1:30:23] I don't know.

[1:30:24] I don't know if you can say anything, Dan.

[1:30:25] Why don't you keep your trap shut?

[1:30:26] I'm not saying anything.

[1:30:29] We'll talk more about that later.

[1:30:32] MaxFunCon is a great time, that's all.

[1:30:34] We come to you once a year asking this, which is all the more important that you, if you're

[1:30:39] interested in donating, you do it while you're thinking of it.

[1:30:42] Do it now.

[1:30:43] That's how we were able to lure Judge John Hodgman into our lair of deceit and sexual

[1:30:48] seduction.

[1:30:49] Yeah, that one piece of Popeye's chicken didn't cost nothing.

[1:30:53] It certainly didn't.

[1:30:55] Yeah, I just realized I'm not getting my money's worth here.

[1:31:00] But the point is, go to MaxFunCon.org forward slash donate.

[1:31:06] We really appreciate it.

[1:31:07] We appreciate the support.

[1:31:09] Again, the money goes to the entertainment that you like and you choose.

[1:31:14] And keeps it going.

[1:31:15] And keeps it going.

[1:31:16] And that will continue.

[1:31:17] Yeah, and you will feel good instead of like a terrible creep who steals.

[1:31:23] That's what you are now.

[1:31:25] Well, it'll give you that sense of superiority next year when the pledge drive comes along

[1:31:29] and you're like, hmm, I already support.

[1:31:31] The same way that whenever I see someone from a charity I already donate to on the sidewalk

[1:31:35] and they go, excuse me, sir, do you have a moment to talk about this?

[1:31:38] I go, I don't have to.

[1:31:39] And I keep walking.

[1:31:40] I already donate to your charity.

[1:31:41] And then you fall onto a conveyor belt and ride right through Mr. Bone Stripper.

[1:31:46] Mr. Bone Stripper.

[1:31:48] Mr. Bone Stripper is my father.

[1:31:49] I like to believe that.

[1:31:50] It's a joke we made earlier.

[1:31:51] Yeah.

[1:31:52] For the foreign release of this movie, they change the image to say like, Senor Bone Stripper

[1:31:57] or like Monsieur Bone Stripper.

[1:31:58] Monsieur Bone Stripper.

[1:31:59] Bone Stripper-son.

[1:32:00] Yeah, for the collectible cards.

[1:32:04] Hair Bone Stripper.

[1:32:05] Maximumfund.org.

[1:32:06] Maximumfund.org for donate.

[1:32:07] Okay, what's the next part of this podcast?

[1:32:09] The next part of the podcast is where we take a few moments to answer letters from listeners.

[1:32:19] Oh, man.

[1:32:20] I'm going to get a little refresher.

[1:32:22] All right.

[1:32:23] Mr. John Hodgman is going to go get another ...

[1:32:24] What is your last name?

[1:32:25] What's your name?

[1:32:26] I just realized I've got to give him more than my piece of chicken does.

[1:32:29] That reminds me, while he's getting up, that we might want to take a few moments right

[1:32:34] now.

[1:32:35] Take a few moments, the three or four of us, to listen to the letters.

[1:32:41] To think about them and really give a good reply.

[1:32:45] Maybe something that might change some lives.

[1:32:48] Maybe something that'll get us high fives when we meet the writer of the letter in person.

[1:32:56] Are you saying there's a chance that I could meet the Flophouse?

[1:33:03] Probably not.

[1:33:04] Well, Stuart, yes, because he works in a public place.

[1:33:08] Dan's got a lot of time on his hands, and he'll probably be there, too.

[1:33:13] But Elliot's kind of a mysterious sort, a recluse, they say, back in his lair, unable

[1:33:19] to leave.

[1:33:20] He hates the sunlight, hates the light of the moon.

[1:33:24] Hates the light of any kind, natural air.

[1:33:27] The laughter, the smiles, it strikes him like spikes and like poison.

[1:33:32] Don't expect to meet him, but Stuart and Dan, sure, why not?

[1:33:37] And you'll tell him, thanks for reading my letter on the Flophouse tonight.

[1:33:44] This letter song was brought to you by me wasting time.

[1:33:47] That's how it works.

[1:33:52] Oh, Dan's all ready.

[1:33:57] Should I sing some more?

[1:33:58] Were you not prepared?

[1:33:59] No, I just got a message.

[1:34:02] Dan getting over the orgasm from my song.

[1:34:05] I just got a message that people are literally scared that this is the last Flophouse because

[1:34:10] of that offhand remark you said one time that when we did Nothing But Trouble it would be

[1:34:15] the last Flophouse.

[1:34:16] No, that was just a joke because I hate the movie.

[1:34:18] This is not the last Flophouse.

[1:34:20] If anything, it's the beginning of a new era in which we won't do the show anymore.

[1:34:24] Just kidding.

[1:34:25] We'll keep doing it.

[1:34:26] Maximumfun.org slash donate.

[1:34:27] Yeah, we're friends IRL, right?

[1:34:28] Uh-huh.

[1:34:29] Uh-huh.

[1:34:30] We are friends.

[1:34:31] We're friends IRL.

[1:34:32] So, Dan, do we have some letters or should I sing another song for reals?

[1:34:37] No, I got it.

[1:34:38] So, this first letter is a very well-timed letter, let's say that.

[1:34:46] Dear Floppers, Nothing But Trouble, are you going to watch it?

[1:34:49] Thanks a lot.

[1:34:50] It's from Chris Lastname Withheld who writes,

[1:34:52] Okay, I'm back.

[1:34:53] Hang on before you read the letter.

[1:34:58] I just wanted to say,

[1:35:01] What did I miss is the name of a song from the popular musical Hamilton.

[1:35:06] But it also describes the question I have.

[1:35:09] Because I was in the kitchen when something happened.

[1:35:12] Did someone sing a song?

[1:35:16] I hope I didn't miss a song.

[1:35:22] Song is song.

[1:35:23] It counts.

[1:35:24] Abrupt ending.

[1:35:28] Did somebody say that they missed a song?

[1:35:31] It seems I've been awakened from my ancient slumber

[1:35:36] to sing another number about letters and writing

[1:35:40] and writing and letters from us to you, from you to us,

[1:35:44] from them to them, from all to all.

[1:35:47] But Elliot, do I actually have to write a letter to a stranger?

[1:35:50] I don't want to do it.

[1:35:51] I have problems with expressing myself.

[1:35:53] That's understandable and something we might need to work on.

[1:35:57] You're a great guy.

[1:35:59] You should be confident in your abilities.

[1:36:02] But no, because the strangers have written to us.

[1:36:06] They're strangers but there's no dangers

[1:36:09] because it's through a letter

[1:36:12] we figured out some way to kill with words.

[1:36:15] Probably not.

[1:36:16] And so let's read this letter from Chris.

[1:36:19] Last name withheld.

[1:36:21] Dan said it was timely, but why?

[1:36:23] But how?

[1:36:24] We'll get the answers to those questions

[1:36:26] when the song comes to its

[1:36:28] e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-end

[1:36:32] right now.

[1:36:34] Good tease, Elliot.

[1:36:36] So it goes like this.

[1:36:38] Now that the great movie argument of our time,

[1:36:40] Ding Dong Gate, has been settled,

[1:36:42] I turn your attention to the second greatest scene

[1:36:44] in the history of cinema.

[1:36:45] I speak of course of the scene in Ghostbusters

[1:36:47] where that ghost gives Dan Aykroyd a blowjob in his dream.

[1:36:50] Never heard of it.

[1:36:52] Dan...Aykroyd?

[1:36:54] Is he related to Peter Aykroyd?

[1:36:56] While most people's attention is focused on the weird

[1:36:58] cross-eyed face that Ray makes in the throes of sexual

[1:37:00] satisfaction, what happens next

[1:37:02] is where the questions arise.

[1:37:04] Namely, he falls out of bed.

[1:37:06] It should be taken as read that Ray has an erection

[1:37:08] in his dream. However, one can then safely

[1:37:10] assume that there's a good chance that Ray

[1:37:12] in real life has an erection as well.

[1:37:14] Thus...

[1:37:16] Rex Danger, erection detective,

[1:37:18] is on the case.

[1:37:20] Thus...

[1:37:23] Rex Danger.

[1:37:27] The E is short for erection.

[1:37:29] My first name is erection.

[1:37:31] That's when he walked into my office.

[1:37:33] He had a single gam

[1:37:35] that went all the way up. I mean his penis.

[1:37:37] He laid it on the desk

[1:37:39] and I took a look at the case.

[1:37:43] It's a nice penis you got there.

[1:37:45] That's true, Mr. Danger. Too nice.

[1:37:47] Someone's trying to steal it.

[1:37:49] That dude had third leg that went for miles.

[1:37:51] The question

[1:37:53] that arises is simple.

[1:37:55] The case of the purloined penis.

[1:37:57] Did Ray

[1:37:59] fall on his erect penis when he fell out of bed?

[1:38:01] Did he then break his penis?

[1:38:03] Are we to assume that for the rest of the movie

[1:38:05] Ray is trying to fight ghosts and save New York

[1:38:07] while also dealing with a broken penis?

[1:38:09] Is there anything in Dan Aykroyd's performance

[1:38:11] that indicates that he is trying to subtly indicate

[1:38:13] that yes, Raymond Stantz

[1:38:15] had a broken penis? Thanks for your insight.

[1:38:17] If anyone can settle this matter, it's you.

[1:38:20] Someone has fallen out of bed

[1:38:22] with an erection many a time.

[1:38:24] You can't break your penis that way.

[1:38:26] What probably happened is that it got stuck

[1:38:28] in the ground with a boing noise

[1:38:30] and he quivered back and forth

[1:38:32] a little bit.

[1:38:34] He probably had it removed and put on his nose.

[1:38:38] As evidenced by the film.

[1:38:40] I imagine there was probably

[1:38:42] a discarded subplot where Ray

[1:38:44] broke his penis in half and he had to go

[1:38:46] on a quest to find a suitable

[1:38:48] second half of his penis.

[1:38:50] The ghost of his now broken penis

[1:38:52] became a little character that was his mascot.

[1:38:54] I think over time...

[1:38:56] It's one of the many sausages that Slimer

[1:38:58] accidentally eats.

[1:39:00] If that scene...

[1:39:02] Accidentally eats...

[1:39:04] Slimer was yawning

[1:39:06] and his hand, I guess,

[1:39:08] was on its own accord and just threw

[1:39:10] sausages in...

[1:39:12] If that scene

[1:39:14] were just removed from the movie

[1:39:16] Would there be an uproar?

[1:39:18] I guess there would be because there are so many

[1:39:20] weird creep dudes

[1:39:22] who hate the new Ghostbusters

[1:39:24] because they're ladies.

[1:39:26] How dare you take out my blowjob scene?

[1:39:30] I love you guys, too.

[1:39:32] This would be more like a special edition.

[1:39:34] When they replaced

[1:39:36] an ET where they took the guns out

[1:39:38] and put walkie-talkies in.

[1:39:40] So you're saying they have a walkie-talkie

[1:39:42] in place of his penis?

[1:39:45] Yeah, he's getting a blowjob from a ronto.

[1:39:49] Or a dewback.

[1:39:51] They put a more animated dewback

[1:39:53] in place of his penis.

[1:39:55] There's a bunch of little robots

[1:39:57] flying around for no reason.

[1:40:00] I had to think for a second about what a Ronto was.

[1:40:06] It just really made me so happy that I had forgotten.

[1:40:12] I finally have escaped the gravitational pull of that movie, and I don't need to know about it anymore.

[1:40:18] No, it's good. You helped me. I've clearly moved on in my life. Thank you, Stuart.

[1:40:23] That's his name, right, Stuart?

[1:40:25] Yes, Stuart. Close enough.

[1:40:27] None creative.

[1:40:29] Next letter, Dan. We've got to move along. Someone was spending a lot of time earlier.

[1:40:34] This is from...

[1:40:36] Time to move along. You've got to read all those letters.

[1:40:39] They are only getting better.

[1:40:41] This is the second one now.

[1:40:43] Now we're going to have to pay money to Paul Williams.

[1:40:48] This is from Steve, last name withheld, who writes,

[1:40:50] I'm at work right now.

[1:40:53] It says, Dear Flobbers, do you watch Family Feud? Please do. I host it.

[1:40:59] What do you think of my suits?

[1:41:01] They're great, Steve.

[1:41:03] Enough buttons? Let me know.

[1:41:05] I'm at work right now watching Sphere. That's not my job, fortunately.

[1:41:09] Spoiler alert, but I think Queen Latifah is getting murdered by a jellyfish. It's not good.

[1:41:13] I forgot she was in that movie, too.

[1:41:15] Anyway, I've been listening to some old episodes and hearing the old Squarespace plugs.

[1:41:19] I've noticed at least three episodes where you've mentioned the Getty Images plug-in,

[1:41:23] at which time Elliot makes a joke about images of Estelle Getty.

[1:41:26] This leads me to believe that Elliot is not funny, or at least needs inspiration.

[1:41:30] Whoa, whoa.

[1:41:32] Here are other hilarious Gettys.

[1:41:34] Yeah, because you know what doesn't make things funny? Doing them more than once.

[1:41:37] That's never been a funny thing.

[1:41:39] Here are other hilarious Gettys he can crack jokes about.

[1:41:41] He's going to punch up your Getty jokes.

[1:41:43] This is unacceptable.

[1:41:45] No, I'll allow it. I'd like to hear what he has to say.

[1:41:48] Oil industrious J. Paul Getty also lends itself to other humorous references,

[1:41:52] including the Getty Conservation Institute and Getty Foundation.

[1:41:55] Wait, wait, wait, wait. Humorous references?

[1:41:58] Ringside frontman and young gun star.

[1:42:01] Balthazar Getty.

[1:42:04] That's acceptable, yeah, because Balthazar is a funny name.

[1:42:07] That's true.

[1:42:08] He's related to J. Paul Getty.

[1:42:09] I thought he was the star of Lost Highway. That's a bigger…

[1:42:11] Rush frontman Getty Lee.

[1:42:13] Canadian politician Don Getty.

[1:42:16] But he spells Getty Lee correctly.

[1:42:18] Yeah.

[1:42:19] Gettysburg, either the battle or address.

[1:42:21] No, on the nose, on the nose.

[1:42:23] Too much respect for the men who gave their lives for the north.

[1:42:25] Right.

[1:42:26] And it's on the penis nose too.

[1:42:29] Getty.js, the hilarious full stack open source MVC framework.

[1:42:34] Don't know what any of those words were.

[1:42:36] That's a great joke.

[1:42:37] I love that one.

[1:42:38] I look forward to the new and riotous Getty references in future podcasts.

[1:42:41] Best Steve, last name withheld.

[1:42:42] P.S. Queen Latifah died.

[1:42:43] I just enjoyed a close-up shot of Dustin Hoffman pulling slimy tentacles out of her nostril.

[1:42:48] This movie blows.

[1:42:49] So I guess that's…

[1:42:50] What's his first name?

[1:42:52] That's Steve.

[1:42:53] And his last name?

[1:42:55] We don't have it here.

[1:42:56] Withheld.

[1:42:57] Getty, right?

[1:42:58] Steve Getty.

[1:42:59] Steve Getty, thanks for your submission of your packet.

[1:43:06] We'll keep you on file.

[1:43:08] We'll keep you on file.

[1:43:10] We'll keep you on…

[1:43:11] It's like a disease.

[1:43:12] Yeah, it's hard to turn it off.

[1:43:13] Yeah.

[1:43:14] Because it's so much fun to make up songs.

[1:43:17] Are you trying to set us up for a song?

[1:43:21] I don't know.

[1:43:22] It could be.

[1:43:23] I appreciate the burn on Elliot, but we've got time for just one more letter.

[1:43:27] If it's…

[1:43:28] The last time we had time for just one more letter, it involved Krang having boobs.

[1:43:32] There's nothing…

[1:43:33] Or it was like, Dan's the best flopper.

[1:43:35] I love him the most.

[1:43:36] Signed, man to boy.

[1:43:40] Signed, not a different Dan.

[1:43:42] There's neither anything about me nor anything overtly sexual about this last letter.

[1:43:47] Okay.

[1:43:48] So this letter goes like this.

[1:43:49] Sexual.

[1:43:50] I know.

[1:43:51] I was…

[1:43:52] Sexual.

[1:43:53] I was hoping…

[1:43:54] Hoping?

[1:43:55] I was hoping you weren't noticing.

[1:43:58] I was hoping that you would be having some sexual feelings.

[1:44:03] When you've got that feeling and sexual healing.

[1:44:08] Need some sexual healing.

[1:44:13] So this letter goes like this.

[1:44:15] Since you talked about Bazooka Joe strips in your Aloha episode,

[1:44:18] I'm taking this as a signal that you've finally decided to switch from being a bad movie podcast

[1:44:22] to instead revolving around comic strips.

[1:44:25] Isn't it weird that in the 30s a bunch of strips were released that are still around today

[1:44:29] but have nothing to do with their original focus?

[1:44:31] That is weird. That's true.

[1:44:32] Thimble Theater became all about the irascible sailor Popeye

[1:44:35] rather than focusing on Castor Oil, the terrible brother of Olive.

[1:44:39] Or Thimbles.

[1:44:40] Fritzy Ritz would change for the better once Fritzy accepted her lovable niece Nancy.

[1:44:44] And obviously things shifted for the worst once Blondie finally settled down

[1:44:48] from her wild flapper days and married Dagwood.

[1:44:51] Also how Snuffy Smith just took over Barney Google.

[1:44:54] I was hoping one of us would bring that up and I am not surprised it was you.

[1:45:02] What twist would you like to see in other comic strips?

[1:45:05] Would Dennis the Menace finally kill Mr. Wilson and realize the futility of his menacing ways?

[1:45:09] Would Dilbert finally get fouled?

[1:45:11] It becomes an Oz-type prison strip.

[1:45:14] Would Dilbert finally get fired for sexually harassing Alice?

[1:45:18] Making jokes around bad movies is great and all,

[1:45:20] but I think this new comic strip focus will make the podcast more successful than ever.

[1:45:25] Flip-takingly yours, The Kid from Foxtrot.

[1:45:28] Well, which kid? There's three kids in Foxtrot.

[1:45:31] There's the two boys and the girl.

[1:45:32] Yeah, but I think it's Jason Fox, the star of the Bill Ammon cartoon.

[1:45:38] Was there a question? Were we given a question there?

[1:45:41] It was basically saying what are you guys wasting time making fun of movies for

[1:45:44] when there is this antique art form that no one cares about?

[1:45:47] Or I should say this other antique art form that no one cares about.

[1:45:51] Yeah, if it's not YouTube, nobody cares about it.

[1:45:54] The great twist that I wish had been kept with was that one week of Garfield strips

[1:45:58] where he wakes up and the house is empty and there's cobwebs everywhere

[1:46:02] and the implication I guess is that the rest of the strips were all a dream

[1:46:07] during his last moments before he died because at the end he's wandering around

[1:46:10] and John is gone and Odie is gone.

[1:46:12] Nobody has lived in this house for years, and he's like –

[1:46:15] there are captions that are like, think back, back to the better times, back, back.

[1:46:19] This is a thing that happened?

[1:46:21] Yeah, it's a five-day storyline, and the last panel the last day is he's back with John and Odie,

[1:46:25] and I think the intention was that those weeks were a dream,

[1:46:29] but what it comes off is it comes off implying that the rest of the strip is him.

[1:46:33] The whole strip was a dream.

[1:46:34] Yeah, and he's like, I'm going insane from my solitude.

[1:46:38] I have to think about this before I start.

[1:46:40] What kind of mushrooms did you put in that lasagna?

[1:46:44] I thought you were describing Garfield in a post-apocalyptic environment,

[1:46:48] and that is something I would like – Garfield Fury Road is something I would be very interested in reading about.

[1:46:54] That would be pretty fun.

[1:46:55] There's no post-apocalyptic comic strip.

[1:46:58] I'm kind of surprised there isn't because it's such a go-to thing right now.

[1:47:03] I think the only people who read comic strips now are elderly people who are thinking about death all the time anyway.

[1:47:09] It's not fun for them to engage in a premise where all life has ended.

[1:47:16] It's more fun for them to engage in a premise where Drabble says something.

[1:47:21] Where Shu is hanging out at the tree bar.

[1:47:24] The twist I was always hoping for would be that Slylock Fox would finally realize

[1:47:29] that Jack the Ripper is all part of one giant Masonic conspiracy.

[1:47:35] And that his buddy Max Mouse has been lying the whole time.

[1:47:38] Max Mouse, MD, has been doing it.

[1:47:40] I'm sure that the person who's writing in is familiar with this website,

[1:47:44] and maybe you guys are too, JoshReads.com by Josh Frolinger.

[1:47:49] I don't know how to pronounce his last name.

[1:47:51] Seems about right.

[1:47:52] Frolinger, F-R-U-H-L-I-N-G-E-R.

[1:47:56] But he tears apart comic strips in a delightful manner.

[1:48:00] In a very funny way.

[1:48:01] Daily.

[1:48:02] And I feel like that's covered terribly.

[1:48:04] I don't want to tell you guys how to not improve your podcast,

[1:48:08] but I think that you guys got movies covered.

[1:48:11] I don't think you need to worry about comic strips.

[1:48:13] We talk about them every now and then.

[1:48:15] We've mentioned how Funky Winker Bean is depressing and makes no sense.

[1:48:18] Right, right.

[1:48:19] And when we eventually watch the Roses Rose movie, we'll talk about the comic strips.

[1:48:24] When is that property going to get here?

[1:48:26] When are we going to get the movie it deserves?

[1:48:28] Would you work as a writer on a Funky Winker Bean movie?

[1:48:33] I don't see why I wouldn't.

[1:48:34] How funky is the money?

[1:48:36] Is it as funky as Winker Bean?

[1:48:38] It's Winker Bean money.

[1:48:39] That's not very much.

[1:48:40] Who are you going to get to play the band teacher?

[1:48:43] Because he's like the most important character, right?

[1:48:45] Well, I thought.

[1:48:46] Christopher McBlath seems like the obvious less character, right?

[1:48:52] How much do you even know about Funky Winker Bean, Stuart?

[1:48:55] I don't know that much.

[1:48:56] I've told this story many times, but there was one where somebody committed suicide.

[1:49:02] Every couple of weeks, somebody dies or has cancer or something terrible.

[1:49:06] It's a profoundly depressing comic strip.

[1:49:08] I remember as a kid, I rarely read the Daily Strips, but I always read the Sunday comics,

[1:49:13] and every other Funky Winker Bean was just one panel of somebody sitting next to a hospital bed

[1:49:20] where their wife was or looking at the picture of someone who had died recently.

[1:49:25] I was like, what is going on in this box?

[1:49:28] It's just a series of tableaux of sadness.

[1:49:31] It's the same guy, Tom Batic, who also had that comic about the TV anchor who got murdered, right?

[1:49:41] John Darling.

[1:49:43] Yeah, but that was like a fun thing.

[1:49:45] That he got murdered?

[1:49:46] But it was supposed to be like a murder mystery type thing, right?

[1:49:50] I feel like that was like the end of the comic.

[1:49:53] Yeah, I guess that's true.

[1:49:55] Dan is correct.

[1:49:56] This is very strange.

[1:50:00] I mean, he was like a John Donahue, I mean, like a Phil Donahue figure who, you know,

[1:50:06] he hosted a talk show and it was sort of a media send up and then they were getting canceled.

[1:50:10] He's like, fuck it, I'm going to murder him.

[1:50:13] And then much, much later in fucking Winker being like, they solved the mystery.

[1:50:17] They solved the murder.

[1:50:18] Yeah.

[1:50:19] Right.

[1:50:20] For all those people who were wondering about it.

[1:50:21] Wait, really?

[1:50:22] Yeah.

[1:50:23] It's crazy.

[1:50:24] They solved the murder in a different comic strip.

[1:50:25] Yeah.

[1:50:26] It's crazy.

[1:50:27] It's kind of brilliant.

[1:50:28] I don't know why Croc was such a dick to everybody.

[1:50:31] I don't know.

[1:50:32] It's up with Tank.

[1:50:33] Solved the mystery of why Beatles Bailey is so lazy.

[1:50:34] Tank is the one where he's like a high school football coach or something.

[1:50:35] Oh, I don't remember that one.

[1:50:36] There's the one.

[1:50:37] What's the one you miss the most?

[1:50:38] I mean, that isn't made anymore or because I don't read comic strips regularly the same

[1:50:39] way.

[1:50:40] Like, right.

[1:50:41] One that's still going on or no?

[1:50:42] No, one that isn't going, I guess.

[1:50:43] I mean, like Calvin and Hobbes, I guess.

[1:50:44] Yeah, that's right.

[1:50:45] I mean, that's that's one of the few strips where, you know, it's still going on.

[1:50:46] Yeah.

[1:50:47] Yeah.

[1:50:48] Yeah.

[1:50:49] Yeah.

[1:50:50] Yeah.

[1:50:51] Yeah.

[1:50:52] Yeah.

[1:50:58] And you know, that's like one of the few where, like, there's I can't think of any periods

[1:51:01] in it where it like lost it.

[1:51:03] You know, it was classic from the first frame to the last.

[1:51:06] Yeah.

[1:51:07] It's like beautiful to look at.

[1:51:08] But I wonder if the clunky, would you, would you write a Calvin and Hobbes movie if Bill

[1:51:17] Waterston was not on board?

[1:51:20] I don't think I would.

[1:51:21] Unless it was a lot of money.

[1:51:24] I mean, like, how much money?

[1:51:26] Yeah, how much money?

[1:51:27] Like, millions of dollars, like more than they would ever pay to write a movie.

[1:51:31] A million dollars?

[1:51:32] I don't know.

[1:51:33] That would keep Sammy in a lot of stakes.

[1:51:35] It's true.

[1:51:36] I mean, he can't really eat steak right now.

[1:51:37] Sammy loves steaks.

[1:51:38] He doesn't really.

[1:51:39] He sent me an email.

[1:51:40] He sent me an email saying he loves steaks.

[1:51:41] You buy, you stockpile steaks now.

[1:51:44] You freeze them for later.

[1:51:45] Please, Stuart, steaks.

[1:51:46] And just, and later on you'll be like, these are the steaks that my integrity bought for

[1:51:51] you.

[1:51:52] It's the same.

[1:51:53] I remember him, that John Oliver said to us when I joined him and some other people

[1:51:57] once at a sushi place, and he said, I'll take the check, and we went, no, no, no, and he

[1:52:03] goes, no, no, I'll take the bill.

[1:52:04] I'll pay for it.

[1:52:05] I got my Love Guru check today.

[1:52:06] And then we go, okay.

[1:52:07] And he goes, as he's going to the registry, he goes, by the way, this makes you all complicit

[1:52:10] in the production of the Love Guru.

[1:52:11] And we were like, no, no.

[1:52:12] So I tell Sammy, I'll be like, you can enjoy those steaks, but you made Bill Waterston

[1:52:18] very unhappy.

[1:52:19] That was Hollywood Kalen with another star tale.

[1:52:22] Star drop.

[1:52:24] I wonder if the guy from Funky Winker Bean went through something like Johnny Hart did,

[1:52:29] where, but in reverse, like Johnny Hart found God and stopped drinking.

[1:52:34] And so BC became a very proselytizing strip and Wizard of Id, I guess he decided was fine

[1:52:38] as was.

[1:52:39] He didn't have to change it.

[1:52:40] Right.

[1:52:41] Well, it was the Crusades.

[1:52:42] So it fit in with what he was doing.

[1:52:43] Whereas Funky Winker Bean was the guy who was like, hey, Wizard of Id didn't show both

[1:52:48] sides.

[1:52:50] BC was always sort of in the evangelical mode because it was like humans living with dinosaurs.

[1:52:56] It was a creationist comic strip from the beginning.

[1:52:58] It's true, I guess.

[1:52:59] But the.

[1:53:00] Are there dinosaurs in BC?

[1:53:01] Yeah, yeah.

[1:53:02] Yeah.

[1:53:04] Good.

[1:53:05] And they make jokes about how that one cave woman is too fat and things like that.

[1:53:06] It's like, you're a dinosaur.

[1:53:07] Why would you make that joke?

[1:53:08] I don't understand.

[1:53:09] Do you know what the name of that character is?

[1:53:11] No, I don't.

[1:53:12] The cave woman is too fat.

[1:53:15] Fat broad.

[1:53:16] Really?

[1:53:17] Yes.

[1:53:18] I thought you were saying it was never really a progressive strip.

[1:53:20] No.

[1:53:21] I wonder if the Funky Winker Bean guy had a moment that was the reverse of that where

[1:53:25] he lost faith in God and he was like, forget it.

[1:53:28] All my characters are going to die.

[1:53:29] Yeah.

[1:53:30] He's going to make it happen.

[1:53:31] Yeah.

[1:53:32] And the band teacher, he gets the worst punishment.

[1:53:34] He survives.

[1:53:35] And he just lives on with the memories of those he's lost.

[1:53:38] He remembers when they were all children.

[1:53:39] Yeah.

[1:53:40] And his band is never very good.

[1:53:41] Wow.

[1:53:42] That's the icing on the cake.

[1:53:44] Well, I guess.

[1:53:45] I guess.

[1:53:46] What was his name?

[1:53:47] Who wrote that letter?

[1:53:48] Les?

[1:53:49] Oh, wait.

[1:53:50] No.

[1:53:51] Les is the nerd, dude.

[1:53:52] Right?

[1:53:53] The band teacher.

[1:53:54] I don't know.

[1:53:55] Who wrote the letter?

[1:53:56] Who wrote the letter?

[1:53:57] The kid from Foxtrot is all he was.

[1:53:58] That's right.

[1:53:59] Jason from Foxtrot.

[1:54:00] I guess you got your wish.

[1:54:01] You turned it into a comic strip podcast.

[1:54:02] So what's the next part of this podcast, dude?

[1:54:04] The next and final part of this podcast is we recommend movies that we have seen, usually

[1:54:11] recently, but not necessarily, that we would recommend instead of the movie that we watched

[1:54:18] tonight.

[1:54:19] Okay.

[1:54:20] Okay.

[1:54:21] Who goes first?

[1:54:22] I'll go briefly.

[1:54:23] I re-watched a movie that I saw for the first time when I was 13 and hadn't seen since.

[1:54:28] I watched The Sting, which is a movie that I feel like almost immediately did not get

[1:54:36] a lot of credit from cinephiles because-

[1:54:39] I mean, it won Best Picture.

[1:54:40] Yeah, but it was-

[1:54:41] It's like, yes, it's an underrated, you know-

[1:54:44] I said cinephiles.

[1:54:45] It was like, it came out in the 70s and it was already a movie out of time because it

[1:54:50] was a very old-fashioned movie, even when it was made.

[1:54:53] It was a throwback.

[1:54:55] It was an old Hollywood movie, but it was also set in an older time period.

[1:55:00] But shot as though it were the 70s in a weird way.

[1:55:03] Yeah.

[1:55:04] It's got that George Roy Hill, yeah.

[1:55:07] You know, that George Roy Hill, yeah.

[1:55:11] We all know it.

[1:55:12] That George Roy Hill, yeah.

[1:55:13] Coming at you now is that George Roy Hill, yeah, top of the charts, you're listening

[1:55:19] to W, huh?

[1:55:27] 100.1 on your radio dial.

[1:55:32] It's a movie that really-

[1:55:35] I feel like it's a very seminal- I mean, it's definitely a very seminal con man film.

[1:55:42] It kicks off that sort of-

[1:55:44] We're talking about The Sting.

[1:55:46] The Sting.

[1:55:47] Right.

[1:55:48] This is your recommendation.

[1:55:49] Yes.

[1:55:50] Okay, gotcha.

[1:55:51] So I'm recommending The Sting too.

[1:55:52] No, the thing is, you watch The Sting today and it has one twist and it's not a surprising

[1:55:58] twist at all.

[1:55:59] If you've seen any con man film-

[1:56:01] Is there a scorpion in it?

[1:56:02] At all.

[1:56:03] You're like-

[1:56:04] I don't even know what twist you're thinking about.

[1:56:05] Scorpion twist.

[1:56:06] Didn't you see that movie, Scorpion Twist?

[1:56:08] That hot new dance craze?

[1:56:14] Now, the way that you do the dance is you put a live scorpion in your shoe.

[1:56:18] The name of the dance is the Scorpion Twist.

[1:56:21] You're twisting from the pain as it stings you with its venom.

[1:56:25] Nothing better than a dance where they tell you the song.

[1:56:29] No, it's just the movie is all building up to one twist that is not surprising in the

[1:56:35] least if you've seen any sort of movie that has a twist at all.

[1:56:38] But that's because-

[1:56:39] Like Sixth Sense?

[1:56:40] Right.

[1:56:41] It turns out they're all ghosts.

[1:56:42] It's because-

[1:56:43] The movie was set in the past.

[1:56:44] They're all dead.

[1:56:45] The Sting is such an early example of the form.

[1:56:48] They're all-

[1:56:49] What is it?

[1:56:50] Set in the 30s?

[1:56:51] It's the 20s, right?

[1:56:52] Or 20s or the 30s?

[1:56:53] They're all living in a colony where they're acting like it's the 20s or the 30s, but in

[1:56:54] fact, when they walk outside the studio, it's the 1970s.

[1:56:55] It's the 70s.

[1:56:56] It's the 70s.

[1:56:57] It's the 70s.

[1:56:58] It's the 70s.

[1:56:59] It's the 70s.

[1:57:00] It's the 70s.

[1:57:01] The twist is they were making a movie called The Sting the whole time.

[1:57:17] Hold on to your hats.

[1:57:23] Guess what?

[1:57:24] It's not a real sting, it's a movie.

[1:57:25] Turns out Robert Shaw was in on it the whole time.

[1:57:26] Life's like a movie.

[1:57:27] Write your own ending.

[1:57:28] Keep believing, keep pretending.

[1:57:29] We've done just what we've had to do.

[1:57:30] The sting, the stingy's and you.

[1:57:35] That's how you do the scorpion twist.

[1:57:39] No, but what I'll say about the movie is, it's just if you want, it's what it is, is

[1:57:46] a testament to just old Hollywood charm.

[1:57:50] Like if you want to see a movie where you're just like, oh, this is carried along 100%

[1:57:54] on the charm of Robert Redford and Paul Newman and the fact that you've got Robert Shaw as

[1:58:00] the bad guy and you've got character actors like Charles Durning and Ray Walston, like

[1:58:06] that's the beauty of it.

[1:58:08] Just a movie that has...

[1:58:10] That is how it works.

[1:58:12] Like it's classic Hollywood big stars with great character actors.

[1:58:19] There are a lot of things that Chevy Chase was supposed to be able to do and didn't.

[1:58:25] And yet, even in this movie, I felt like at the beginning, I'm like, this guy's got some

[1:58:28] classic Hollywood charm.

[1:58:31] And if he were not thrown into this terrible plot, something could have happened.

[1:58:36] Now it's all lost.

[1:58:38] And if it was not famously kind of unpleasant, he could have applied that in other...

[1:58:43] At the time, it was not known to the public, I think, how unpleasant he is.

[1:58:47] I think that was just among entertainers.

[1:58:49] Well, I have not seen the sting for many, many years and I will take your recommendation.

[1:58:55] Anyone else?

[1:58:56] I hope you have a recommendation because that's the way that this part of the podcast...

[1:59:01] Yeah, so this is the part of the podcast where I recommend a horror movie.

[1:59:03] I'm going to recommend 1989's Witch Trap.

[1:59:08] That is Witch Trap.

[1:59:11] Not the sequel to Witch Board, which actually they put on the VHS cover.

[1:59:17] And I think in the opening credits, even though it's directed by the guy who directed Witch

[1:59:20] Board and directed Stuart Wellington's favorite, Night of the Demons.

[1:59:25] Now Witch Trap features a number of the same actors from Night of the Demons, including

[1:59:29] Linnea Quigley, who is also, yes, totally naked in this movie.

[1:59:35] And it is kind of the definition of like a good bad movie.

[1:59:39] Like you want to watch this.

[1:59:41] It's like a classic 80s, early 90s horror movie that you want to watch with friends.

[1:59:46] People get killed.

[1:59:48] The hero is this like wisecracking detective who has a terrible one liner for every scene

[1:59:58] and people get killed.

[2:00:00] but this way as possible

[2:00:01] uh... so i took and it's drew and it's shot very cheaply and weirdly it's a

[2:00:07] super great movie to watch with friends

[2:00:09] which trap

[2:00:11] with and

[2:00:13] are which is trapped in it

[2:00:15] kind uh... i don't want to get to him

[2:00:18] plot but why not uh... but it's

[2:00:21] kind of a which that's the movie is about a couple of ghost hunters who get

[2:00:26] hired yes you okay so there's some ghost hunters who get hired to

[2:00:31] clean out a house that is haunted by an old warlock

[2:00:35] now the guy who owns the property

[2:00:37] needs to make some money off of it because he is i guess in debt and he his

[2:00:42] only option is to turn this haunted house

[2:00:45] into a haunted bed-and-breakfast because haunted houses are big business back in

[2:00:50] nineteen eighty nine as i think they probably are now the as they are not so

[2:00:54] he uh... but the problem is that he hired a stage magician to uh... to kind

[2:00:59] of like

[2:01:00] make sure the house is sure will even though a little bit on it because you

[2:01:03] have a little bit of bona fides to him

[2:01:05] uh... unfortunately still that guy totally gets killed by the ghost

[2:01:10] so he has to hire these ghost hunters to go in

[2:01:12] but he doesn't trust them to go alone so he has to hire in a private security

[2:01:15] company

[2:01:17] who are the best in the biz thinking so much money into who come along with it

[2:01:20] because it's a couple million dollars he's losing elliot

[2:01:23] think about it if you want a private uh... private haunted bed-and-breakfast

[2:01:28] i'd spend any amount of money to get that

[2:01:30] no amount of money is too much

[2:01:33] you're right you shouldn't have described the plot

[2:01:36] it all revolves around uh... somebody eating it's a classic bed-and-breakfast

[2:01:40] sting

[2:01:43] it's like the sting in a haunted bnb in nineteen eighty nine

[2:01:46] now robert shaw shows up

[2:01:50] it's not as good as the innkeepers

[2:01:53] uh... but now this is a good like uh... once again if you've already seen

[2:01:57] none of the demons with your pals

[2:01:59] just pop in witch trap

[2:02:01] i haven't seen either of those films

[2:02:05] uh...

[2:02:06] i'll go recommend a movie now no you probably have something prepared so i'll just say

[2:02:11] my thing because i got nothing

[2:02:14] uh... i have a movie that i'm going to recommend

[2:02:16] i couldn't remember any of the movies that i've seen in the past

[2:02:20] year

[2:02:21] uh...

[2:02:22] so i had to go back into my

[2:02:24] uh... email to see what movies i bought on itunes

[2:02:29] and suddenly i remembered oh right there was that night

[2:02:32] where i watched two movies

[2:02:34] and the first movie i watched was the good one and then the second movie i

[2:02:38] watched

[2:02:39] was the terrible one and i'm only going to mention the terrible one because i'm sure you've

[2:02:42] done it

[2:02:43] on the podcast and i apologize if i've not heard it never know but nineteen

[2:02:46] forty one

[2:02:48] oh no we haven't done it

[2:02:50] can i come back for that one

[2:02:52] because if we do it

[2:02:54] another john candy dan akroyd film and another completely

[2:02:59] misguided

[2:03:00] uh...

[2:03:01] uh... emanation

[2:03:04] of uh...

[2:03:05] a single creative vision that no one could say no to at that time

[2:03:10] and it's it's it's unbelievably terrible

[2:03:14] did spielberg direct this?

[2:03:16] spielberg was like the golden boy and zemeckis wrote it

[2:03:19] and

[2:03:22] akroyd i think knows how to make

[2:03:24] comedy

[2:03:25] he has no evidence by this movie

[2:03:27] i think he understands comedy to some degree but doesn't know how to direct a

[2:03:30] movie spielberg knew how to direct a movie

[2:03:33] but doesn't know anything about comedy and that's one where i've read about behind the scenes

[2:03:36] people were like

[2:03:37] yeah on the set

[2:03:38] it wasn't funny but everyone assumed like belushi's gonna pull it off

[2:03:43] the script doesn't seem to be very funny when we're shooting it doesn't seem to be funny

[2:03:46] but belushi's magic so when it's on screen he's just gonna pull it off and that is

[2:03:49] completely the whole ethos of the movie is

[2:03:53] these people were funny in animal house they'll do it again we don't have to give

[2:03:56] them anything

[2:03:57] we don't have to set up anything they'll just mug

[2:04:00] and then look at boobs

[2:04:02] and that's what the movie is and it was

[2:04:05] startling how terrible and i'd seen it as a kid my dad took me to see it

[2:04:09] and i can't imagine

[2:04:11] but when you were a kid because i remember seeing as a kid and just like

[2:04:15] this movie like i'd just assumed it was good

[2:04:19] i remember being entertained as a child probably because of boobs and i don't

[2:04:23] know i remember being very confused by it because i was a very shy kid and i'm

[2:04:27] like why is my dad taking me to a boob movie

[2:04:32] uh... and it opens with a with a

[2:04:33] parody of the opening scene of jaws which was the only good thing

[2:04:39] about it until you realize just how it's profoundly misogynistic movie

[2:04:43] but that's a terrible movie we'll leave that for another time

[2:04:46] the movie that i saw earlier that same night

[2:04:48] in a similar jag of like

[2:04:50] was this good or was this bad

[2:04:52] was broadcast news

[2:04:54] which is great yeah that's a really good movie and i had forgotten like it's

[2:04:58] it's one of the

[2:04:59] uh... you know i'd always taken it as one of my favorite movies but it had been years

[2:05:02] since i had seen it

[2:05:04] and it was one of these movies where

[2:05:06] i did not appreciate just how deep into my dna it had gotten

[2:05:10] it's albert brooks

[2:05:11] is so funny in it

[2:05:13] yeah uh... uh... the three of them william hurt and uh...

[2:05:17] holly hunter

[2:05:19] uh... are so incredible and there's so many moments that i remember

[2:05:24] that not only that i remember perfectly but that affect how i think about

[2:05:29] comedic and dramatic writing now

[2:05:31] and it's still incredibly pertinent so i'd recommend that movie

[2:05:36] so you heard it, 1941

[2:05:39] also check out Scorpion Twist

[2:05:43] a very under-seen exploitation spy movie from 1981

[2:05:49] spy dance movie starring digital underground nineteen eighty nine

[2:05:53] uh... it was incredible

[2:05:55] shock g plays all the characters

[2:05:58] so i'm going to recommend a movie that in keeping with my usual trend is an old

[2:06:02] movie and a foreign movie

[2:06:03] uh... which is a movie called the housemaid

[2:06:06] which is from south korea in nineteen sixty it was directed by kim kiyoung

[2:06:10] well i've got to go you guys

[2:06:13] it's this movie that uh... in the west was not known until

[2:06:18] or not well known until probably about five or six years ago

[2:06:21] when they'd remade it in korea and suddenly

[2:06:23] people in the united states

[2:06:25] you know found out about the original

[2:06:27] and it's like if alfred hitchcock made a thriller

[2:06:29] where he went

[2:06:30] farther than alfred hitchcock does in terms of like

[2:06:33] just shocking subject matter

[2:06:35] where this guy in this family is

[2:06:38] the mother is a seamstress and the dad is a

[2:06:41] music teacher at a dormitory for women who work in a factory

[2:06:45] in south korea

[2:06:46] and they take on there's a uh...

[2:06:48] one of the students has a crush on him

[2:06:50] and he

[2:06:51] sprint he spurns her

[2:06:52] and something terrible happens to her and her friend almost as revenge

[2:06:57] recommends a woman to be their housemaid because they're looking for housemaid

[2:07:00] and this woman

[2:07:01] just through her sheer

[2:07:03] force of will and just being crazy

[2:07:05] turns the house upside down and makes everybody her servants

[2:07:09] and to the point that

[2:07:10] it's like

[2:07:12] if alfred hitchcock made a movie where he's always threatening that a child's

[2:07:16] gonna die

[2:07:16] i guess in one movie in in uh...

[2:07:18] sabotage a child dies

[2:07:21] alfred hitchcock made a movie where he's like

[2:07:24] that annoying kid that uh... you kind of don't want anything bad to happen to

[2:07:27] because he's a kid

[2:07:28] well he's gonna fall down some stairs and die

[2:07:30] and like it's

[2:07:31] it's just so intense spoilers but uh... sorry that is a spoiler but like

[2:07:36] it's a it's weirdly intense but they're without a lot of scenes where people are

[2:07:40] in physical danger

[2:07:41] but it all it feels so creepy and so oppressive and claustrophobic

[2:07:45] and there's an ending to it

[2:07:46] that should

[2:07:48] ruin it it should be a bad ending but it actually works in a crazy way and i want

[2:07:52] to tell you what it is but like

[2:07:54] it's a

[2:07:55] it's just this very like

[2:07:57] intense psychodrama of this woman coming in and destroying these people's lives

[2:08:01] essentially

[2:08:02] uh... it's really creepy and good

[2:08:03] say the name of it again? it's called the housemaid

[2:08:06] no i can't remember that

[2:08:08] what's its name in korean? uh... that is a good question

[2:08:12] i do not know how to pronounce it. your pronunciation is fantastic

[2:08:15] according to wikipedia i guess it would be something like han-yo

[2:08:18] oh housemaid? yeah yeah

[2:08:22] no i've heard about that movie but uh... it's one that uh... if you like

[2:08:25] uh... there's a certain kind of cinephile that especially likes asian movies

[2:08:29] like this is one to see if you haven't seen it

[2:08:31] uh... and where would that be available because the movies we're talking about

[2:08:35] you can get

[2:08:35] i think it's i think criterion collection has it actually

[2:08:38] so it may be available in their hulu collection. that's pretty good

[2:08:42] the movie i talked about you can only watch on youtube

[2:08:44] or me and jess

[2:08:47] go onto your video storage for a copy of witch trap. just go to youtube

[2:08:51] we live in a weird world now where

[2:08:53] obscure foreign movies are easier to find

[2:08:56] than like

[2:08:57] old dumb american films. yeah like cheapy american horror movies that used to

[2:09:01] flood the video market. right. like it used to be so easy to find a copy of

[2:09:04] ghoulies

[2:09:05] and so hard to see like uh... any of orson welles's later movies and now

[2:09:10] those are all available online. right. ghoulies i don't know where you find them. and uh... don't even talk to me

[2:09:14] about ghoulies too because i have been

[2:09:16] is that the one where they go to college? ghoulies 3 is ghoulies go to college

[2:09:21] i can speak with authority about that. this is dan's time to shine

[2:09:27] there's a great scene where the ghoulies put a plunger on a lady who's taking a shower and

[2:09:31] stretch out her face in like a looney tunes cartoon way

[2:09:34] like a beetlejuice thing

[2:09:37] so look for that. i guess, hold on, can i switch my recommendation to ghoulies go to college?

[2:09:42] is it ghoulies 3 ghoulies go to college?

[2:09:48] now did the ghoulies, we might have talked about this, did they apply or how did they get to college?

[2:09:53] did they get a scary scholarship? they're invoked by affirmative action

[2:09:57] you know they're invoked by what's-his-face

[2:10:00] Alex Trebek, Pavarotti, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Leonard Nimoy, Donald Sutherland, Kevin McCarthy, the guy who reads the incantation that pulls the ghoulies out of their ghoulie universe.

[2:10:22] That doesn't explain how they get to college. Is he the dean?

[2:10:25] He's a teacher there.

[2:10:27] He's a professor of ghoul studies.

[2:10:29] Okay, and I guess they're on the fucking syllabus.

[2:10:32] From one of the core classes, ghoulology.

[2:10:39] Does this podcast ever end?

[2:10:40] No, it ends now. With an exhortation to go to maximumfund.org forward slash donate.

[2:10:48] If you're still alive or awake and you're listening to this.

[2:10:51] That's the only way to make this stop.

[2:10:53] Maximumfund.org.

[2:10:54] We only need 200 of you to navigate to maximumfund.org slash donate and we'll be able to do this podcast for another couple hours, five weeks.

[2:11:06] All right. Well, yeah, let's shut this down. Thank you so much.

[2:11:10] Shut it down for good.

[2:11:13] Oh, it was totally my pleasure and I am astonished you guys have not done 1941 and I insist against your wishes to come back and be here when you watch it.

[2:11:24] We'll do it.

[2:11:26] Yeah, let's do it right now.

[2:11:28] Fire up the movie machine.

[2:11:30] Okay, here we go again.

[2:11:33] Nothing but trouble stuck in the player. I guess we watch that first.

[2:11:36] All right, I'll go for it.

[2:11:38] Thank you for listening for the podcast.

[2:11:40] I've been Dan McCoy.

[2:11:42] I've been Stuart Wellington.

[2:11:44] Elliot Kalin is also a robot for some reason.

[2:11:47] John Hodgman.

[2:11:50] Good night, everyone.

[2:12:03] All around the world the same song.

[2:12:07] Did you did you timestamp all your goofs?

[2:12:10] Because if not, we got to watch it again.

[2:12:13] I didn't timestamp my goofs. And I remember now in the email, he said, remember, timestamp your goofs.

[2:12:19] You don't mind if I try out my new character?

[2:12:22] I mean, we kind of you kind of got a recognizable voice that we're hoping to capture.

[2:12:27] I don't know.

[2:12:29] I have a vision for how my career is going to go.

[2:12:32] I have a vision for how my career is going to go.

[2:12:35] I want to get on the ground floor of this cool new character.

[2:12:38] You don't have John Hodgman on your show yet, Mickey Mouse.

[2:12:41] He's going to be the biggest character since Bobo and Little Devil.

[2:12:44] Maximumfun.org

[2:12:46] Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

[2:12:48] Listener supported.

Ep. #200 - Nothing but Trouble

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