Ep. #201 - Vice

[0:00] On tonight's episode, we watched a movie called Vice.

[0:06] It is twice...

[0:08] as nice...

[0:10] as lice.

[0:12] It's actually not that much better than lice.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to The Flophouse.

[0:42] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:44] Hey, guys, I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:46] Oh, hey, this is Elliot Kalin.

[0:47] What's wrong, buddy?

[0:48] What's up?

[0:49] Let's talk about it.

[0:50] Let me turn my chair around.

[0:51] I hate to interrupt the show, but I have some business I want to go over.

[0:55] Wow, he had a paper ready to pull out of his pocket right away.

[0:58] This seems less spontaneous than I thought it was.

[1:01] Okay, let me get my voice ready.

[1:04] Dear cruel world.

[1:06] Dear cruel world.

[1:08] Dear cruel world, how are you so cool?

[1:10] If Holly would, if Holly could.

[1:12] That's what the ad said, but what my paper says is,

[1:16] the statue's arm rotates easily and a section of wall slides to the left.

[1:22] To you, A, enter the secret hallway.

[1:28] B, wait and do nothing.

[1:31] Or C, use item butler's mask.

[1:37] There you have it.

[1:38] Wow, after many weeks of no movement on Radio Zork,

[1:42] apparently we have leapt ahead through a time warp portal.

[1:45] Was that Radio Zork?

[1:46] Yeah, that was Radio Zork.

[1:47] Yeah, so he's in the house at a hallway.

[1:49] Yeah.

[1:50] I mean you haven't been following obviously on our other podcast that we've been doing

[1:54] that Dan keeps editing out of this podcast.

[1:56] Oh, the Adventures Zork?

[1:57] Yeah.

[1:58] Yeah.

[1:59] We don't know the rules that well, but we love doing it.

[2:04] Yeah.

[2:05] Now I'm worried that that was some sort of elaborate terrorist code.

[2:09] It turned out Zork was in a sleeper cell or something.

[2:13] He does look pretty sleepy.

[2:15] And his body is made of cells.

[2:19] Take him away, boys.

[2:21] Do you think sleeper cells use a lot of sleeping bags?

[2:31] You know how they say there's got to be a bunch of questions to it.

[2:34] You're familiar with that.

[2:36] Yeah, people say there's only one stupid question,

[2:40] but you asked it.

[2:41] You found it.

[2:42] Nobody's ever said that to me.

[2:44] You won the prize.

[2:45] I won the prize.

[2:46] Okay, so what do I get?

[2:48] A subscription to Radio Zork.

[2:50] Yeah, that's right.

[2:52] Okay, guys, so as Dan mentioned,

[2:54] that was a section from tonight's game of Radio Zork.

[2:59] Write in with your answers to The Flophouse at, I don't know, email.com.

[3:04] Write in to RadioZork at flophouse.edu slash gov times 11.

[3:12] Sponsored as always by Sweet Amazing Penises.

[3:15] They're the sweetest and the most amazing penises on the market today.

[3:19] Oh, boy, let me get my hands on one of those Sweet Amazing Penises.

[3:24] Penises the way Grandma used to make.

[3:26] So, yeah, I'm sorry for interrupting the show, guys,

[3:29] but it is Episode 201.

[3:32] Just like, I don't know, I can't come up with a joke,

[3:34] 201 A Space Odyssey?

[3:36] It's the area code I grew up with.

[3:37] That's right.

[3:38] Just like 201 A Space Odyssey.

[3:41] It's an astronaut movie set in the year 201.

[3:44] Yeah, because technically we're all in space all the time, guys.

[3:49] Wow.

[3:50] Wow, that's the level of depth that one would expect from a movie like Vice,

[3:55] the movie we watched tonight.

[3:57] Hey, folks, this is the podcast.

[3:59] Dan, what do we do on this podcast other than cryptic instructions,

[4:02] cryptic options and getting the names of movies wrong?

[4:05] You know, if someone had not,

[4:07] if this is the first episode of this show for some people,

[4:11] Radio Zork will have baffled them entirely,

[4:14] and they will have turned off,

[4:16] they will have dragged this podcast to the delete can.

[4:20] Yeah, on their ear things.

[4:22] On their ear things.

[4:24] They will drag it over to, there's the trash can

[4:26] and there's the trash with extreme prejudice can.

[4:29] They put it in that one.

[4:31] There's the trash can icon and there's the hell icon,

[4:33] the drag programs you're mad at, too.

[4:35] Yeah, and it sends an email to us, the creators of that program.

[4:39] That says, tsk, tsk.

[4:41] I will not be continuing my listening of your program.

[4:43] You should stop doing your podcast.

[4:45] I'm like, I guess that makes sense.

[4:47] So, Dan, what do we do on this podcast?

[4:49] We watch a bad movie and then we talk about it,

[4:51] and tonight we watched a movie that I'm pretty sure that. . .

[4:54] It was a movie, I think.

[4:55] One percent.

[4:56] Maybe.

[4:57] Perhaps one percent of our listenership has even heard of.

[5:00] I know.

[5:01] I hadn't before we started watching it.

[5:02] It was called Vice.

[5:03] Vice.

[5:04] Vice.

[5:05] Not Miami Vice, although it looked like it was Miami.

[5:07] Not the Vice magazine?

[5:09] No, not Vice Land, the TV channel that stole the name of our podcast.

[5:13] Yeah.

[5:14] Hot to take.

[5:16] We're coming for you, Vice Land, apparently.

[5:19] Like I'm worried they're going to find out.

[5:20] They clearly don't know we exist.

[5:22] Yeah, what are they going to do?

[5:23] Just make another show with our name?

[5:25] Yeah, they're going to. . .

[5:27] Flophouse is going to get canceled

[5:29] and then they're going to just put up a show that's called

[5:31] Three Guys Watching a Bad Movie and Then Talking About It,

[5:34] but it's not actually going to be about that.

[5:35] It's going to be about Syria or something.

[5:37] Or they'll do a show of three idiots watching a movie and talking about it,

[5:41] and they'll call it The Shitty Loser House.

[5:44] They'll do impressions of us that are really not flattering at all.

[5:47] I'm Elliot. I'm the nerdy one.

[5:49] It's me, Stuart.

[5:51] No, you're supposed to do Dan, and then he does me.

[5:53] Dan is just hanging from the ceiling on his noose because he killed himself.

[5:57] Because our impressions were so good.

[6:01] Anyway, Vice stars big names like Bruce Willis and Thomas Jane.

[6:05] Tom S. Jane.

[6:07] Tommy Jane.

[6:09] Tommy Jane, he's a Flophouse veteran at this point.

[6:11] Yeah, he's been in at least one other one.

[6:13] He was in Drive Hard?

[6:15] Yeah.

[6:16] He was in iFrankenstein, right?

[6:18] No, that's the other guy.

[6:20] That's Aaron Eckhart.

[6:22] Aaron Eckhart's monster.

[6:24] They should do a movie where they are brothers.

[6:28] They're boring brothers.

[6:30] Yeah, let's call it The Boring Brothers Movie.

[6:32] I mean, they could easily be in a twin brother's separated birth,

[6:38] and they both are cops.

[6:40] One's a straight-edge cop, that'd be Aaron Eckhart.

[6:42] And then we'd have our loosey-goosey, plays-by-his-own-rules cop.

[6:46] Played by Danny DeVito.

[6:50] And Thomas Jane would be his, I guess, boyfriend?

[6:54] Because we're trying to be pretty progressive.

[6:56] Because it's about time that people of different sexual orientations

[7:01] were represented in classic film genres.

[7:03] Yep.

[7:05] Twin brothers, both cops genre.

[7:07] Yeah, classic film genres like boring twins.

[7:13] And also, really starring in the movie is Amber Childers.

[7:17] That's Amber with a Y.

[7:19] Amber spelled with a Y.

[7:20] Not like The Chronicles of Amber.

[7:22] What are they just called, The Amber Chronicles?

[7:24] What?

[7:25] You know, that Robert Silverberg series?

[7:26] Oh, yeah.

[7:27] Yeah.

[7:28] I mentioned a fantasy series.

[7:29] I assumed Stuart would be all over that.

[7:31] It's also not spelled like The Chronicles of Narnia,

[7:33] because those are two different words.

[7:35] Who did I say wrote that?

[7:37] Probably Roger Zelazny.

[7:39] I think it was Zelazny, yeah.

[7:41] In my head, I get Silverberg and Zelazny mixed up.

[7:44] I think it's Zelazny.

[7:45] Who doesn't?

[7:46] Am I right?

[7:48] Mom right in with the correct answer.

[7:54] So it really stars Amber Childers, and here's – I'll tell you what this movie is.

[7:58] Childers of the Corn.

[8:00] It is – this movie is Westworld for a New Generation.

[8:04] Hey, in the olden days, people might have been excited by fantasies of being a cowboy

[8:09] and going to the Old West and being in a gunfight.

[8:11] But nowadays, we know what the real fantasies are,

[8:14] going somewhere where you can rape and murder women with impunity.

[8:17] Welcome to Vice.

[8:19] A place with no rules.

[8:21] Unless you're a robot.

[8:23] There's no wrong, just right.

[8:25] Yep.

[8:26] It's kind of like an Outback.

[8:31] The food is delicious.

[8:33] The food is delicious.

[8:35] They have this onion that they fry that you can then rape and murder.

[8:39] So Bruce Willis is the guy who – he's the Ed Harrison Truman show.

[8:44] Named Jillian Michaels.

[8:46] Named Jillian Michaels.

[8:48] Important difference.

[8:50] Everyone pronounced it as if it was Jillian Michaels.

[8:52] The first five times someone said their name, we were all like, Jillian Michaels?

[8:55] We're like, Jillian is a weird first name for a man, but okay.

[8:58] But that's a real woman's name already.

[9:00] Where's this body-busting workout that I've heard so much about?

[9:03] Why is he not throwing tables full of perfectly good food over to make a point?

[9:09] Screenwriter of Vice was really mad.

[9:12] He tried to do the Jillian Michaels workout and it didn't work for him.

[9:15] He's like, I'm going to get back at her.

[9:17] I'm going to make ruggedly handsome Bruce Willis carry her namesake into the future.

[9:24] This is going to be the biggest takedown of a fitness person since my last movie,

[9:28] The Crimes of Bailey Blanks.

[9:31] Tybo.

[9:34] So this movie takes place in the future, right?

[9:37] It does. It takes place an uncertain amount of time in the future.

[9:40] In an uncertain location that's probably Tampa.

[9:43] It looks like Tampa. It looks like Florida, specifically Tampa.

[9:46] And we know that it's far enough in the future that, one, there is cyborg technology

[9:51] that allows you to create killable, rapable women robots.

[9:55] And that there's a theme park of that.

[9:57] There's probably some dude robots too, right?

[9:59] They mean there are.

[10:00] But they aren't really

[10:03] Yeah, it's like 90% man come a device you got it you got to believe right yeah

[10:09] But once again progressive like do what you want to do man if you want to rape and kill a dude you can do that

[10:15] There's probably a lot of guys who?

[10:19] There's probably what I mean, that's not legally binding permission. It's not the purge tonight. No, it's never the purge

[10:25] Oh

[10:32] You keep like like Schroeder you're wondering how many shopping days there are till until the purge

[10:38] but uh, so but like Stewart said during the purge episode, this is another one of those movies where they posit a

[10:46] Fantasy thing that doesn't exist and then show you why it's bad

[10:48] They present like a negative utopia and then the whole time you're like, why do we do these hunger games?

[10:54] Oh, I wish they make a good point. We shouldn't have a theme park where people rape and kill robots. Yeah

[11:02] Like so and then like there's always I mean this this one actually

[11:08] Makes a little more sense than other ones. This is my one what movie?

[11:12] What is what do you represented by the word one?

[11:15] this this

[11:17] vision of the future social structure where it's like

[11:21] The idea is like, okay

[11:22] Maybe if they've got a place where they can get out all of their bad and like their bad instincts

[11:27] Let's just call it their yi-yis. Yeah, they can get their yi-yis out

[11:32] Maybe they won't take it outside of the of that, you know, yeah, you create a

[11:37] it's whereas

[11:39] Stewart and I were talking about the hunger games yesterday and we're talking about how like

[11:42] there's no direct line you can draw from like the fact that these kids have to kill each other to

[11:49] Social unrest doesn't happen. Well, it's a way of the government showing how powerless the people of the different district

[11:55] Yeah, I know but at will their children could just be taken from them

[11:58] It just doesn't have like the same like direct like I don't know like I'm just like really

[12:04] That's that how that thing's gonna so take down. So vice is better than Hunger Games. That's a damn McCoy

[12:11] Don't go see Hunger Games go see vice is Dan McCoy. It's the best movie ever made

[12:17] Sergei Eisenstein eat your heart out. Put that on the VHS box, dude

[12:22] Put that on the Sega CD box

[12:25] Can you watch movies?

[12:36] You know, it's all cutscenes

[12:42] Movies mr. Payback is

[12:47] Experiment in storytelling. They're both choose your own adventure movies. Mr

[12:51] Payback was the dark gritty inspector gadget that our generation needed. So are you allergic to your own cat Dan?

[12:58] I have been he's been like dying for the last four episodes Elliot

[13:02] Have you been paying attention not really sickness just will not leave my body. That's not so I need an exorcist

[13:08] Exorcist sickness. You mean like a doctor? Yeah

[13:10] Any one of those exorcist for viruses or we should get Eric Bana in here like he is scared her from deliver us from evil

[13:17] Our chopper chopper. Yep

[13:19] anyway, so

[13:21] But you make a good point in often in society

[13:24] We show that certain behaviors are not acceptable by creating safe zones

[13:29] In which they are acceptable and then separate distancing the same way that say Las Vegas. Yeah, exactly

[13:35] We'll like Las Vegas sure senior frogs. Yeah, exactly

[13:39] Yeah

[13:40] Halloween well on Halloween and New Year's Eve people indulge in behaviors that silver shamrock, etc

[13:46] The rest of the year or like Mardi Gras by allowing that kind of behavior at Mardi Gras

[13:50] What we're saying is this is okay today because it's a special occasion. It is not okay on other days

[13:55] so you could say the Vice Park is saying like

[13:58] By saying it's okay within the limits of this convention center slash airport waiting lobby

[14:03] Which seemed to be where we took place we are saying it's not okay outside

[14:07] But we're at some point in the future where whatever this

[14:10] Tampa like city is that's around vice is their main industry seems to be barrel fires and like

[14:16] And shadowy fog over abandoned buildings Mars beneath elevated trains. Yeah and like

[14:25] Shadowy silhouettes moving in like a steamy dark alleyway, which by the way

[14:30] I think Dan's apartment is probably conducive to that because your radiator is making a ton of noise

[14:38] Background noise unless that's the cyanide gas that the Japanese occupiers from the man of the high castle are sending in to kill us

[14:44] To get information out of our brother man of the high castle the book or the TV show

[14:50] Much better. Oh, okay. Yeah

[14:53] So anyway, so speaking of books, this is a lot like a William Gibson book, right guys

[14:58] It's not even like a Dean Coons book. You're jacking your brain into the cyber into the Weber space

[15:07] Whoa

[15:10] Seen the lawn weber man

[15:13] You get the chance to feel what it's really like to shoot an episode away

[15:18] This is the fantasy. I mean, that's the first oculus program. I'm putting in his wings 2.0

[15:23] yep, you get to go up to Thomas Hayden Church and

[15:27] What's his face? Who? Yep. Oh, it's this guy's a Tim Daley to my really

[15:33] Shalhoub and be like you guys are gonna be big stars in the future. Well, not you as much Thomas Hayden Church

[15:38] Are you gonna be in movies? He was wasn't he like nominated for an Oscar for sideways?

[15:44] Yeah, a lot of people been nominated for Oscars

[15:47] Yeah

[15:59] New Englander like yeah, no one's been nominated for an Oscar out here for about 40 years. That was that was Turner classic movies

[16:09] Next film was nominated for playing that sand man

[16:17] Wasn't

[16:19] Look I'm not one same thing about a Thomas Hayden Church of all the actors who later married actresses from software porn films

[16:26] He's my favorite Mary an actress named me as a Tali. I think is her name

[16:31] I don't know that and Gene Simmons never technically married Shannon tweet, right?

[16:36] They're just like they're in this like weird weird thing. I mean, it's not a weird thing. It's it's common law

[16:42] Yeah, but I don't know it feels like look they saw what happened to Helen

[16:47] Married in your relation. I shouldn't I shouldn't I shouldn't judge

[16:52] Simmons, I mean Gene Simmons knows that he marries her. He's suddenly gonna be in a web of deceit and desire

[16:58] Because of her successful practice as a sex therapist who watches people have sex through a two-way mirror

[17:03] Is that the one where she's married to George Hamilton? They're all the one where she's a sex therapist married to George Hamilton

[17:09] It's called indecent illusions of the night eyes

[17:12] Instincts for of course, she's gonna sleep around. He spends all his time in that tanning bed

[17:19] George come to bed. I am in bed

[17:29] So this movie vice it's set in not it's like Westworld, it's the future

[17:34] there's a theme park where you can act out your fantasies, but only your gross fantasies of

[17:38] Attacking women and having sex with them. Usually it seems in the scenes we see against their wishes, which is gross

[17:44] Yeah, it seems to be a haven for dudes and business suits with kind of greasy shoulder-length hair

[17:50] Yeah, Thomas Jane is a police officer who doesn't like this place. Oh has greasy shoulder

[17:54] He has very greasy very long hair and he mumbles this shit out of his lines

[17:59] if what if you want to see Thomas Jane try and mumble his lines through a

[18:05] Match that he has stuck in his craw the whole time

[18:08] Yeah, old craw his performance here is not as fun as it was in drive hard

[18:13] but but it is a cousin to that performance and that it's very twitchy and

[18:18] muttery and mumbly and

[18:21] He has long stringy. No, don't get me wrong. I like a good mumble performance mumble core

[18:25] Yeah, mumble core film. This could be the first mumble quorum sci-fi action film. I mean, I mean not except computer chess

[18:32] Yeah, that's you're probably right. But I mean like I like real action

[18:36] chess action

[18:38] One of the characters is propositioned by some swingers. I mean, that's action. All right, I mean

[18:44] Action if you're only propositioned, I mean he skips out on the actual action. Yeah

[18:49] But I mean like I like a like a Tom Hardy mumble performance. Yeah

[18:52] Yeah, I mean Tom Hardy usually has a reason for his mumbling. Mm-hmm, and they I feel like they better isn't

[18:58] So I'm gonna say try to do this plot as quickly as possible because it's really dumb barely any Thomas Jane is a cop

[19:04] he doesn't like vice he goes in to catch an escaped rapist of a real person and

[19:10] Gets him and arrest him but I gets him and the guys like you can arrest me. I can do whatever I want here pig

[19:15] Yeah, and he goes when you rape and kill someone in my world

[19:19] I come after you and it's like well your world is just the world's. Yeah

[19:24] What it turns out prime?

[19:26] These people are we mentioned that the movie opens with the silliest bank robbery ever the opening scene this movie

[19:32] I was like, this is gonna be a fun movie and then nothing lived up

[19:35] the camera does not stop spinning around one dude jumps up on a

[19:39] Counter and just kick somebody in the face

[19:41] It's a woman in the face for no reason and the whole thing is I mean this movie is shot with way too much camera

[19:47] Movement to begin with the cameras always swimming around and the only thing that made me enjoy it was just thinking about

[19:53] When people are trying to act somebody with a steadicam strapped their chest is kind of like hovering around them and like dancing around

[20:00] And it must be like when you're on the subway trying to read a book and you hear show time show time and two kids

[20:05] Start swinging around and kicking you almost in the face like that, but it's a guy with a camera just kind of

[20:11] Nervously pulls a crumpled dollar out of his pocket, so they don't bully him never

[20:17] I will not move from where I'm standing and I don't give him money, okay?

[20:22] Cuz you're not a patron of the art trying to use their of their talents to get out of out of poverty forget it

[20:29] Not interested. Mm-hmm. They're not they're not selling candy for no basketball team. It's to stay out of trouble

[20:34] Which sounds like that sounds like a threat

[20:39] This is all very New York

[20:42] But look, I mean, you know, I did all the New York stuff out. Yeah

[20:45] Yeah, make it edit that stuff out that I said about Thomas Hayden George's marriage

[20:49] But leave it when I asked you to edit it out. So people wonder what I'm talking about

[20:53] Now anyway, he go he gets in trouble with his boss at vice

[20:57] There's a bunch it turns out they're all cyborgs that are

[21:00] Human organs and human flesh and blood to make them more realistic for the killing

[21:04] But they have computer brains and every night when the when the robots get killed their memories are erased

[21:10] Thanks to a robo bracelet. Yes, but and that helps them track them wherever they're going

[21:14] But amber Childers who is working who's programmed to be a bartender who is leaving her job as a bartender that night

[21:21] Yeah, who looks like Chris from Blade Runner got a job as a bartender amber Childers, by the way

[21:25] Sounds like like a like a third level like Marvel character like the best friend of one of the superheroes

[21:32] She is one of these characters who would be the best friend of a superhero who then becomes a detective

[21:37] Yeah

[21:37] and now

[21:38] 30 years after introduction or 40 years has her own she has her own comic and she is

[21:43] Spider-man or Iron Man or some shit?

[21:44] There's a because every character in the Marvel Universe has to eventually become an Avenger a mutant or an Iron Man

[21:51] Mm-hmm

[21:53] Why are you guys staring at me you look like you're about to say that amber Childers if you add an extra L

[21:58] Would be the name of like a washed-up has been scream Queen in the screenplay. I'm writing

[22:04] Okay, so that's the news and we're writing a screenplay amber Childress. Yeah, chill

[22:10] Dress now, then she's halfway to being an Arnold Schwarzenegger as mr. Freeze upon my favorite actresses amber Childress

[22:20] Go back in time and just add that to the movie

[22:23] And everyone will be like that's actress doesn't have a career yet. I don't understand. She's just like a teenager now

[22:28] And they're all frozen in place while they puzzle out that pony me

[22:32] Unfortunately amber Childress is robot waitress has a panic attack when for some reason she remembers the murder

[22:39] She was the victim of the night before she gets brought back to have a memory double erased

[22:44] She breaks loose and she gets out in the course of the double erase memory

[22:49] We have to flood you with all the memories that you had before before and

[22:54] The one computer tech who's kind of a sadist

[22:57] He's very much a say instead of having an additional security guy who they're like all the other security guys are down the hall

[23:04] Watching dudes dance with naked robot ladies

[23:07] So he's all by himself

[23:09] So she wakes up and kicks him twice into a spark spark wall and he died

[23:14] Yeah, a lot of the walls in this convention center turned into a movie set are covered with just occasional

[23:21] fluorescent bulbs like it's like the walls of a

[23:25] Like a dance party or like the max in saved by the bell

[23:29] The whole thing is lit like the hallway between the main area of a club and the bathrooms

[23:34] like the whole movies lit with just exposed neon bulbs and like flashing light or the

[23:41] Like a tunnel that you have to go through on the moving the people mover in an airport

[23:45] yeah, it's like if you've ever been at like in the the stair ramps at a

[23:50] Airport or a convention center and you're like, this would be a badass place for a blade to kill some vampires

[23:58] Well, that's like

[24:00] Wasn't it was it like Alphaville the Goddard film where it's like I'm just gonna use a bunch of like modern-looking

[24:05] Buildings to indicate the future. Yeah, and this is like the really cheap bad version of that

[24:10] Like was like I'm gonna yeah, that was in Goddard's Blade Trinity, that's right

[24:17] That's right in Goddard's alphabet

[24:23] So she escapes but not after someone fires a ton of grenades at her

[24:32] Guards are constantly firing their guns at everything. She escapes she gets out into the real world

[24:38] And this probably doesn't wall got blown open by a grenade

[24:42] this or it stops being Westworld and it starts being parts the Clonus horror slash the island with Scarlett Johansson and

[24:48] She's out and about she's attacked by a guy. She's right down about she's painting the town red

[24:53] She goes on a big shopping spree the police are want to investigate why there was a bunch of a out going on advice

[24:59] But they can't because they don't have jurisdiction and the security camera was erased. Whatever. It doesn't matter Thomas

[25:06] James on the case

[25:07] Meanwhile, she and like you realize that like his police chief is super corrupt. You can tell because he's got weirdly long hair

[25:15] That's like slicked back all gross. Yeah, he has James K

[25:19] Polk hair

[25:19] Yeah

[25:20] He looks like the unfrozen caveman lawyer got it became the police commissioner or the DA or something and here's something I want to

[25:26] mention if anyone watches vice in

[25:29] Any of the police station scenes and also most of the other scenes watch the extras because the extras are

[25:35] Hilarious everyone in the back of every scene or sometimes in the foreground is having a very gestural conversation

[25:42] It's like they told all the extras always be talking and be talking as big as possible. He's supposed to look like a real conversations

[25:50] Well, you could walk down that hallway or you could jump slash run

[25:55] Check your watch always check your watch always be gesturing the things the extras a great talk as if you're a

[26:01] Italian stereotype explaining your pizza sauce

[26:04] No, don't talk with the bottom of your head talk with the top of your body talk

[26:11] so the

[26:14] Well, so she's escaped the vice has sent its its security guards after and they there's a series of shoot-em-ups

[26:20] She makes there's a great scene where she is

[26:23] Accosted by a creep in the real world with a knife that creep and then they're surrounded by dudes with machine guns

[26:30] That creep looks at his knife and he's like I got this one and he charges them only to be shot down immediately many times

[26:36] Mm-hmm. She uh, there's a great they don't know these dumpster filled streets like I know him

[26:41] These these these tin cans filled with flame if paper beats rock. I bet knife beats guns

[26:48] He or he looked at me. They have two guys with guns that cancels each other out. My knife will probably just shoot each other

[26:55] She there's a great scene right after that where the people who are tracking her for vice one of them is a he's a robot

[27:01] Too it's revealed, but he's like Bruce Willis his right-hand man, and he decides to quote. I know why the caged bird sings to her and

[27:09] That's the trigger some kind of memory in her head, right?

[27:12] I think it's just pretend you're like in the hundred bullets comic or you just say Crota

[27:15] Oh, I'm about and become super assassins. Yeah, exactly got really weird when you just started in Casey at the bat. I

[27:22] I

[27:23] Don't understand and then all these Calvin Trill in homes. It's like they're not funny necessarily

[27:29] They're just gonna like clever, you know, and so she's on the run

[27:32] She makes her way to a church that she saw in a dream where a man who yeah

[27:39] She sketched it for us earlier in a scene. That was very clearly like terribly

[27:43] Yeah

[27:43] like a normal movie would have

[27:46] Had made it look like she was sketching and then they had an artist actually draws a hired guy Davis to draw that thing

[27:54] I

[27:54] Mean, there's a million out-of-work cartoonists or underpaid cartoonists who would be happy to sketch a shitty

[28:01] Church, I mean overpaid cartoonists get Jim Davis to do it

[28:05] I guess it was realistic in that like, you know, most people can't draw and it's like, okay

[28:10] Well, this is a lady. She can't draw certainly

[28:13] Robot to be a modern-day remember she'll draw this

[28:18] She'll draw this church as if it's a

[28:21] Just a box that's falling

[28:22] I mean now to be fair the church on the outside does look like a box and for some reason it has a Sphinx outside

[28:27] Of it, which I don't know what church has a Sphinx outside except in ancient Egyptian temple

[28:32] I mean, it's the future. It can look like anything do you write?

[28:35] I guess mind that's why you thought there was a Stargate inside

[28:37] I assume there was a Stargate because I saw a Guauld sculpture out front. Now, here's the thing

[28:42] Maybe there's a prologue they cut in which case great

[28:45] I hate prologues to movies where to explain that this was a society that where Christianity fell out of favor and

[28:51] Ra and Osiris and the gods of a and Isis are now worshipped. Yeah, that's what led to the downfall of America, you know

[28:59] And you could and you could live a you go to vice and live out your fantasy of

[29:04] Throwing dead bodies to feed alligators for so back. Yeah, you're finally getting your heart weighed against a feather by a new miss

[29:11] Yeah, I think we've covered all the

[29:14] Egyptian mythology references we previously made on this podcast

[29:19] My real fantasy is I've always want to be a dung beetle that pushes the Sun across the sky

[29:24] Welcome to Egypt world

[29:26] so she goes in and she finds that this is now the hideout slash sanctuary of the

[29:31] Scientist who invented the robots and who it turns out

[29:35] Patterned her on his dead wife who died of cancer creepy

[29:38] He seems pretty upset that she's been repurposed as a sex and murder droid. But to be fair, why did you?

[29:45] Invent this and then I guess sell the patents to sex and murder world. Yeah, this was a part of the movie

[29:49] I wasn't paying that. Yeah, this is literally where we all started just if there was if you had a graph labeled floppers attention

[29:57] This point that the dibs pretty

[30:00] I would start to go from just dipping to a precipitous drop.

[30:03] Yeah, we go below zero to negative 24.

[30:07] We are actively talking about things other than the movie where I'm like,

[30:10] Hulk Hogan did what?

[30:13] How much is the court awarding him?

[30:15] Yeah, yeah.

[30:16] Where are my eyeballs?

[30:18] Pop out of my head.

[30:19] And I spend the next 20 minutes pushing them back in like this.

[30:23] Not 20 minutes.

[30:25] I got to be delicate.

[30:26] They're my eyeballs.

[30:27] I only have two of them.

[30:29] It's not the Gawker results.

[30:32] It's not the it's not the ruling that you're excited about.

[30:35] It's the sex tape.

[30:36] Hulk Hogan did what?

[30:38] Yeah, where can I see it?

[30:39] Hulk Hogan had sex with a girl?

[30:41] I saw the Gawker article about that.

[30:44] And then I followed links to the to the deeper story.

[30:48] Links from Sonic the Hedgehog?

[30:50] No, the links game system.

[30:52] OK, well, yeah, there was no links in Sonic the Hedgehog.

[30:54] I'm thinking of Tails.

[30:55] I like that it's specific.

[30:56] You're going to get so many angry letters from Sonic fans.

[30:58] I corrected myself.

[31:01] The Sonic restaurant chain does not have any sausage links, Elliot.

[31:06] So you stand corrected.

[31:08] So just let's cut to the chase.

[31:10] In that they're chasing everybody throughout the movie.

[31:12] There's a lot of chasing.

[31:13] The bad guys catch up with, well, the girl robot who's escaped,

[31:19] Amber Childers, or woman robot.

[31:21] She is given a new identity by a friend of the scientists.

[31:24] You don't want to defend the robots out there.

[31:26] He says, I could also upgrade you.

[31:27] She says, nah, never mind.

[31:30] She goes, which was an odd moment.

[31:31] That was the moment where we're like, what's going on, movie?

[31:34] Of course she needs an upgrade.

[31:36] Yeah.

[31:36] And she is about to escape her husband.

[31:39] Her the husband of her original is going to help her.

[31:42] He gets killed in a shootout with the bad guys.

[31:44] Thomas Jane kills all the bad guys.

[31:45] He says, hey, you could run away.

[31:47] I'd let you.

[31:47] But why don't you help me take down Vice?

[31:50] They go back to the guy's friend and she says, I need an upgrade.

[31:53] This upgrade consists mainly, I think, of giving her a leather jacket

[31:57] and wetting her hair.

[31:58] Her hair slicks back.

[31:59] Yeah. And that's about it.

[32:00] Because a little more eye makeup, maybe.

[32:02] Her plan seems to be to check in at Vice.

[32:05] Then she's going to steal a gun from a guard.

[32:08] Just walk into the lab.

[32:09] It's like any time I play a video game where you have to be stealthy,

[32:12] where like the first guy I'll try, I'll like kill one guy stealthy

[32:16] and then just run around and get murdered.

[32:19] It's basically that.

[32:19] And she goes to Bruce Willis's office.

[32:21] But the guns are programmed not to kill her.

[32:24] Because why not?

[32:24] Let's steal a little bit from Robocop, too, for this movie.

[32:27] Meanwhile, it turns out, I guess maybe she was just a diversion

[32:30] because Thomas Jane has a blast, a shitload of dudes.

[32:34] He just gets a machine gun, gets a machine gun and forces a tech guy

[32:38] to upload a virus that gives all the robots all their memories.

[32:42] And they go into herky jerky, uplifting seizures.

[32:45] For some reason, this makes all the regular patrons run around going nuts

[32:49] and fires get started.

[32:51] I guess a couple of those robots.

[32:53] If you get within like grabbing range, they do all kinds of shit.

[32:56] But they're kind of like zombies.

[32:58] It's like if you get close enough to one that they kill you, like that's partly.

[33:01] Yeah, because getting all their memories immediately

[33:04] also makes them walk really strange.

[33:06] Yeah. And go like, but, but, but, but, but, but.

[33:09] And now in one case, a guy is being strangled by the legs of a robot

[33:13] who is in a sex swing.

[33:14] And as you're like, that's your own fault.

[33:17] Dude, don't walk up to that sex swing.

[33:19] When you see a herky jerky killer robot in it.

[33:21] Yeah. You're not like he looks around.

[33:22] Everybody else is run out screaming.

[33:24] Yeah. He's like, now it's my time to shine.

[33:27] I had performance anxiety, but now no one's here to watch.

[33:29] So I guess I'll give it a try.

[33:32] It turned everything is the police can't go in

[33:34] because they don't have jurisdiction or whatever.

[33:36] And things just fall apart.

[33:40] Chinua Achebe.

[33:41] Yeah. The center cat hold.

[33:43] Falcon cat hear the falconer. Slouching toward vice.

[33:46] And the Amber Childress cat finds her roommate.

[33:51] Again, and they hug and Thomas Jane leaves.

[33:56] He has a very snake pliskeny moment where he's like,

[33:59] welcome to the new world, welcome to the real world, the real world,

[34:02] then flicks the match out of his mouth or whatever shot Bruce Willis.

[34:05] Let's not forget that.

[34:06] And they shot Bruce Willis.

[34:08] But that's OK, because that's a great show.

[34:09] That's a great scene where it's all of a sudden goes into slo-mo.

[34:14] And we see Amber's upgrade, which involved her being able to slam

[34:18] into Bruce Willis and take a gun from the ground.

[34:20] Throws the gun at Thomas Jane.

[34:22] Tosses it lightly to Thomas Jane.

[34:24] Still slow motion.

[34:25] So that gives them enough time to shoot Bruce Willis a couple of times.

[34:29] TJ grabs it out of the air.

[34:31] TJ Maxx. Yeah, we did that.

[34:33] Kablammo.

[34:33] And here's the thing about that scene.

[34:35] It called for like some kind of cool kung fu move.

[34:39] And it's like they saved that scene to shoot to last.

[34:41] And they found out they ran out of money in the budget

[34:44] to hire like a wire fu expert from Hong Kong.

[34:47] So they're just like, whatever,

[34:49] just kind of knock him over and toss the gun over.

[34:51] But everyone act like that was a super cool move.

[34:53] She just pulled that she needed an upgrade for.

[34:56] Mm hmm. I just and the end.

[34:58] And oh, and we see Bruce Willis.

[35:00] We see his face, which means he's going to open his eyes

[35:02] because he's probably right.

[35:03] And we're looking at him.

[35:04] We're like, well, he's sleeping.

[35:06] He's so beatific in death.

[35:09] The advice.

[35:11] I said, Dan, what did you learn from the movie?

[35:13] No, I just wanted to say, like, I don't understand what reality is anymore.

[35:17] We talked about it a little bit, but I don't want to just like.

[35:21] But yeah, Wings was a great show.

[35:23] I don't want to zip past the plan at the end of the movie

[35:27] where like all through the movie, Thomas Jane has been like this law

[35:30] and order guy is like, I hate vice.

[35:33] I hate the way that like

[35:36] the evil from vice, you know, like slops over the edge.

[35:40] People are getting their ya-ya's out.

[35:41] But really, they they get acclimated to this activity.

[35:44] And then they go outside. They do it to real people.

[35:46] Yeah. So he's, you know, really upset about things.

[35:48] He's supposed to be the one doing things really like even though he's a rogue cop.

[35:53] He is the one speaking up for doing things by the book.

[35:57] And then he's the avatar of justice. Yeah.

[36:00] And then at the end, the plan is apparently just like, all right,

[36:03] we're going to go into vice and we're going to shoot everybody,

[36:07] including people that I assume are not robots.

[36:10] We can't we have to assume everyone gets shot as a robot.

[36:12] All right. Yeah.

[36:13] Like every is every security guard, a robot.

[36:15] Because if not, they have like families, dude. Yeah.

[36:18] That's just a job.

[36:19] It's not like they work for that company.

[36:21] And they're like, well, I also love the product.

[36:23] I'm making a statement by doing this.

[36:25] And I believe in this.

[36:26] They don't know that he's a cop.

[36:28] You know, they just see a guy going around shooting people.

[36:30] I mean, Thomas Jane looks nothing like he looks like a crazy fucking drifter.

[36:35] He looks more like one of the bank robbers from the beginning.

[36:37] And he doesn't it's not he's holding his badge out.

[36:39] He just runs and starts shooting.

[36:41] So that's that's justice.

[36:43] And by in the vice world, like really, who's the real monsters?

[36:46] What I'm saying? Yeah.

[36:47] Probably those dudes who are raping and killing robots.

[36:49] Yeah, that's pretty cut and dry.

[36:52] Right. That's the other thing. I forgot about that.

[36:54] There are these are also like they never really established

[36:56] what part of them was a robot because they have flesh and blood bodies.

[37:00] But it's like they I guess they have computer brains.

[37:03] How do they make them like that?

[37:05] Their butt is robot.

[37:07] So they have a metal robot.

[37:09] Dan's the rest of it is high concept sci fi porn film robot.

[37:14] Yeah. So they for an investor because they can they can drink things.

[37:17] They drink. They can take shots and stuff.

[37:19] Yeah. I mean, they have like an exhaust port in the robot.

[37:23] In a way, we've got we've all got an exhaust for

[37:26] they take a shot and then unbeknownst to them, a flap opens up in their butts

[37:30] and they're out and the liquor just flows.

[37:32] Yeah. Like airplanes or something.

[37:34] Everything else about the robot is super sophisticated.

[37:37] And then there's just like a little trap door.

[37:39] And then it goes when it opens and then it closes.

[37:44] It's like an old time long John's.

[37:46] But in their body. Yeah.

[37:49] Drizzles out. It's like

[37:51] it's like the back of a Mr.

[37:52] Potato Head, where the little flap where you stick all those parts.

[37:55] Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[37:57] The first robot.

[37:58] That's where they store their extra features.

[38:00] Yeah. There are different wigs.

[38:03] Hey, guys, there's a real monster us or Mr.

[38:05] Potato Head.

[38:06] When I when I was growing up, I always kind of wished I had a flap

[38:09] that I could put all my stuff in your body, in my body.

[38:13] Yeah. I mean, that carried over to like a marsupial.

[38:17] Yeah. I mean, how do you want to be more like a James Woods?

[38:20] First off, I don't think that Mr.

[38:21] Potato is a marsupial.

[38:23] I don't think he's a man at all.

[38:25] New Zealand or Australia or Australia.

[38:28] Yeah. And then when I was growing up later on,

[38:31] these are marsupials and they're all over the North American continent.

[38:33] And then when I got into, like, nerdy shit, there's like,

[38:37] you know, instead of cool guy shit.

[38:40] What would you call wanting a flap where you can store things in your body?

[38:43] Like, yeah, pretty normal.

[38:45] That's just like a kid. Every kid's an idiot.

[38:50] But no, he became a nerd.

[38:52] Yeah. When I became a nerd, one of my one of my favorite things

[38:55] in the Shadowrun role playing game, which is a, you know,

[38:59] like a sci fi cyberpunk future, is that if you want to be a

[39:03] if you want to be a cool street samurai, you could get a like little holsters

[39:07] in your legs like Robocop.

[39:09] And I thought that was even cooler that you could store like,

[39:12] I don't know, like chits, cred sticks or guns in various

[39:17] and various container sections of your body.

[39:20] You were like a teenager.

[39:21] You'd just be storing what, like your pens and pencils for school and a gogurt.

[39:25] Yeah. I mean, I didn't I didn't I wasn't carrying around an Ares Predator

[39:28] two handgun, but yeah, I would carry gogurt, various things.

[39:34] Dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets.

[39:35] I mean, probably, probably like printed off pornography

[39:39] from the Internet that I didn't want my parents to find.

[39:41] Just keep it in your leg.

[39:43] Yeah, they're not going to look at my leg, dude.

[39:44] While you're sleeping, what if they press the code buttons and open your leg up?

[39:47] There's no code buttons.

[39:48] It's all mental commands.

[39:50] You know the solution I got for you?

[39:51] OK, Dan, get yourself a pair of kids, little zipper pockets.

[39:56] Wait, are those shoes?

[39:57] Yeah. Do you remember that?

[39:59] It's a zipper.

[40:00] Pockets that was what was so like I thought this was so cool when I was a kid. Okay shoes

[40:05] We're establishing the bar for cool when there was a kid. I mean just light up at all

[40:09] No, were they British Knights? No, la gears. Okay, there were shoes that had pockets heads is the brain

[40:18] Yeah, so if you wanted to if you had anything of the size of something that could be transported easily in a shoe

[40:26] Yeah, I was like literally you put a penny in there they're like a condom, right? Yeah, that's right

[40:44] Okay, Elliot, so we've shared some embarrassing stories from our youth. Yeah. Sure. What did you what did you want a pocket?

[40:51] I mean, I know did you want your pockets? I mean, I probably would have wanted to hide pornography that too

[40:56] I can't think of anything else that okay

[40:58] I mean, but I had plenty of places around my room that I could hide that stuff. Yeah, what like

[41:04] Trapper-keepers, I mean, I'm just like there's the classic under the bed

[41:08] Well like behind but I did ton of books in my part in my rooms like behind books in between books

[41:13] did you tape it to the the underside of the lid of the

[41:18] Toilet the toilet thing. Yeah, yeah

[41:24] So that in the middle of the night I could surreptitiously take off the ceramic lid of the toilet with the like

[41:31] And then pull the duct tape the loudest tape you could find. Yeah, which in turn rips and destroys the pornography

[41:42] Spending hours trying to download a picture. Mm-hmm from some kind of news group

[41:48] Yeah, so this is a real flashback to a time and people's lives where they had to have physical pornography and hide it around

[41:55] Huh?

[41:56] Or just use the power of the human imagination. That's right. That's gone. Yeah

[42:02] Anymore. No, I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't think of any sex things. Just do it right now

[42:06] I'm trying to I'm trying to think of his face is looking really weird

[42:10] His features up all that's coming up is what Simpsons jokes. Yeah

[42:14] Okay, it's got like a picture like a lime for some reason

[42:21] Is that something you find sexy no not at all, that's the thing

[42:25] So Dan, you don't want to go to a theme park where you can kill and rape a lime

[42:29] Well, you put it that way

[42:37] So, can we so time to talk about this movie some more guys

[42:40] We can say final judgments whether this was a good bad movie a bad bad movie or movie you kind of liked

[42:47] I'll start by saying like there's a brief point at the beginning and then at the end where I was like

[42:52] This is verging on good bad

[42:55] But the complete lack of interest that I had in the entire middle

[42:59] I would say the middle hour in 25 minutes really and the fact that it's based on such a distasteful premise

[43:04] Makes it a bad bad movie. Yeah, I agree

[43:07] Though there were times when it felt like we were watching

[43:11] like an abandoned pilot for a crappy show

[43:15] Mm-hmm, and you cut out a couple of Thomas Jane's swear words

[43:18] you cut out the one topless scene and it's the pilot for a show where a

[43:23] Guy and a robot are partner cops and he's got a teacher about how to live like yeah

[43:28] That's a show called almost human. I guess. Yeah, it was almost humans

[43:31] Yeah

[43:33] Yeah, it was totally bad bad

[43:35] Yeah, this was another one of those where Dan sprung it on us and he was like, hey guys

[43:40] I think vice is gonna be the bees knees and we're like, I don't know about that

[43:44] There's that Archie put on your pajamas because this movie will be that. Yep

[43:50] You guys might want to take your socks off now because they're about to get knocked right off

[43:55] Don't pay for the whole seat because you're only gonna use the edge better better put some Elmer's glue on that wig of yours

[44:01] So don't flip right off. Hey guys use this corset to hold your sides in because they're gonna be splitting. Wait, so it's funny

[44:08] Put this pillow on your knee because you're gonna be slapping it

[44:21] Hold on to this Bishop you're gonna be waxing him

[44:31] Really great

[44:33] Let me hold on to your nightsticks boys, so you don't start polishing up

[44:39] So now

[44:41] Don't choke that chicken because PETA has been really on me lately before we so bad bad movie, right Dan

[44:48] Yeah, that's right. I gotta admit. I kind of would rather watch nothing but trouble than vice vice is just so boring and

[44:55] Forgettable where there's nothing but trouble. It's really burned into my mind as a horrific still true

[45:01] Act of madness. Yeah, we're referring to nothing but trouble the movie. We watched last time we recorded

[45:07] See the nice thing about nothing but trouble is for the most part

[45:10] I could walk out of certain scenes to make drinks and come back and I would miss them entirely

[45:15] And it lessen the impact

[45:23] Directly into my brain

[45:26] I'm like most movies. Yeah around my review of vices. I don't know. Maybe close your eyes the whole time

[45:39] Hey you like t-shirts, right how about a mug are your walls looking a little bare

[45:47] Visit max fun store.com and cover all of these bases and more. We just added some amazing new shirts and posters

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[46:04] Yeah, so before we move along

[46:06] To our next segment. We have a couple of jumbotron messages. Yes and trons and make them jump

[46:12] Yeah, so this is if you guys haven't turned off this podcast to get on with your life. This is

[46:18] Flophouse housework

[46:21] And I like it sure no, this is these are announcements that people want us to it. Oh, yeah. Okay that jumbo

[46:28] So the first jumbotron is and if you want to have a jumbotron message, I don't know sign up for it

[46:33] Yeah, go to the maximum maximum fun org. Okay, that works for its life's jumbotron

[46:39] So our first message is a free ebook from Marcus Lambert and our author

[46:45] You've never heard of I'm assuming it's Lambert not Lambert. I mean you can only assume

[46:51] Christians you have a new savior. I do don't worry

[46:56] He sounded worried. This one's Jewish to a pitch-black horror comedy about loneliness

[47:03] failure and male hero fantasies the ebook version of

[47:07] Ralph Pincus a cultist extraordinaire by Marcus Lambert is currently available for free on Amazon

[47:15] Barnes and Noble

[47:16] Smash words and iTunes warning. This book contains sexually explicit content and graphic language

[47:25] Unlike vice my favorite thing. Yeah. Yeah, Dan's got all the stuff you like in it

[47:30] That's why I pitched my voice at the perfect level to sell something to Dan. That's right

[47:34] It's the only level I can hear salesman. This is a tip. You should know if Dan walks in

[47:39] There's a certain frequency which if your voice hits it he has to buy from you

[47:44] It's a strange thing that

[47:45] Neurologists have been looking into but until they find a cure sell the shit out of stuff

[47:49] That's why when Dan's walking down the street and he almost walks into a car dealership. We have to mr. Magoo him out of the way

[48:02] Have to buy it

[48:03] Slide down a tube into safety. I mean, that's what birth is basically, right? Yeah

[48:08] Except well, you're leaving safety. Yeah

[48:11] Head over to those various platforms and download your free ebook Ralph Pincus a cultist extraordinaire

[48:18] there's another jumbotron message, which is less of a commercial one and more of a

[48:24] Personal one and I'm very honored to read it. This is for Victoria from day

[48:29] Two and a half years ago

[48:30] I was listening to the Flophouse on a bus to New York to meet you for the first time

[48:34] The show relaxed my nerves brightened my eyes loosened my tongue helped me be the goof you judged worth a long-distance relationship

[48:41] Our first month living together. I felt so contented. Thanks for moving and taking on this commitment with me. It was very sweet

[48:49] They were listening to

[49:04] The green if they can make a pencil out of boys

[49:19] Weirdly soft like they were made in a human skin

[49:23] But uh, that's that's very that's a lovely message. Yeah

[49:27] speaking as

[49:29] Someone who I it's nice to hear a story about two people who are together by choice as opposed to trap together like the three

[49:36] of us

[49:40] Shouldn't have made fun of that witch

[49:46] Can you get any more warty

[49:52] Chandler bang friends

[49:59] I

[50:00] Chandler Bingham, Prince Halloween, Wishmaster 5 friends, and Ross accidentally summoned those sex monsters that stripped all the flesh off of his body.

[50:16] Horrifying.

[50:24] It didn't help when Joey walked up to the witch and went, how you doing?

[50:28] I would think that would be a compliment, but I guess not in this enlightened age.

[50:39] And Monica and Phoebe sang a song about it.

[50:42] And what other characters were on that show?

[50:44] Gunther?

[50:45] That's not a real character.

[50:47] Yeah, there was Gunther.

[50:49] What about Bob and Rocksteady, were they friends?

[50:51] I mean, they were friends, so I guess they'd have to be.

[50:55] What about Chef Boyardee, was he a character on Friends?

[50:58] I mean, it makes sense, Monica was a chef.

[51:02] It all checks out.

[51:03] She was?

[51:04] I think so.

[51:06] What about Darkwing Duck, was he a character on Friends?

[51:09] Joey's a vigilante, so it's gotta be the case.

[51:14] Joey's a vigilante.

[51:18] Okay, let's move on to letters from listeners.

[51:22] Let's do it.

[51:23] A thing that we do, where you write us a letter.

[51:27] That only we do, nobody else does this.

[51:31] Flophouse copyrighted.

[51:33] Hat and trademark.

[51:35] We put the idea of reading letters into an envelope, mailed it to ourselves.

[51:41] That thing is fucking date-stamped.

[51:43] Don't even try to steal it from us, we'll sue you.

[51:46] It's also like the most basic way of explaining a thing.

[51:50] This is a thing that we do.

[51:52] I could have just done it, and then the audience would assume that that was a thing that I did.

[51:56] Just by virtue of it being complex.

[51:58] No, they could have thought it was a one-off.

[52:00] Yeah, alright.

[52:01] Anyway, okay.

[52:02] So, first letter.

[52:04] It's from... let's see.

[52:07] Who's it from?

[52:08] Ross Lastname.

[52:09] Are you asking the paper?

[52:11] Paper.

[52:12] Who is this letter from?

[52:13] So it's from Ross from France.

[52:15] Yeah.

[52:16] I have a monkey.

[52:17] Preaving having your flesh stripped from your bones by the Wishmaster.

[52:20] Greetings from an unusually sunny Glasgow, Scotland.

[52:24] As a Scot, I feel honor-bound to get in touch with you after you...

[52:27] Just to say one thing.

[52:28] When I was there, it was pretty sunny, actually.

[52:30] Okay.

[52:32] Checkmate, Scotland.

[52:33] I'm sure that your one visit to it is a typical...

[52:38] No, no, no, Elliot.

[52:39] I think your interruption counts.

[52:41] Just bragging that I've been to Glasgow.

[52:43] Yeah, keep reading, Dan.

[52:44] Were you there for like a Fringe Fest?

[52:46] That's Edinburgh.

[52:47] Edinburgh.

[52:48] I went to the Glasgow Fringe Fest, which doesn't exist.

[52:50] So, boy, that travel agent really got me.

[52:52] That is pretty fringe, yeah.

[52:53] That was the first curse that the Witch put on me.

[52:56] Yep.

[52:57] As a Scot, I feel honor-bound to get in touch with you after you gave pod time to our national shame,

[53:03] also known as Guardian of the Highlands.

[53:06] You mentioned in the episode that you hadn't been able to find a Wikipedia page for the film.

[53:10] That's because when it was released in the UK, to the critical equivalent of a sad trombone sound,

[53:15] it was called Sir Billy, and that's the name it appears on Wikipedia.

[53:19] Oh.

[53:20] I can only assume that the name change was a last-ditch attempt to hoodwink some money from foreign audiences

[53:25] clamoring for the long-awaited Legend of the Guardians Vows of G'huul sequel.

[53:30] Is that an awaited?

[53:32] Or a Highlander sequel.

[53:33] Sadly, they'll have to wait a little longer for the armor-clad owl action they and I crave.

[53:38] It contains some informative—this sentence doesn't make any sense, so I'll re-edit it.

[53:45] It contains some informative information.

[53:47] Okay, some real-time critique of your letter-writing abilities.

[53:52] It has some information about the political controversy around the film.

[53:56] There were some complaints from the Hartmans when the pro-Scottish, independent Scottish National Party government

[54:01] chose to promote the Disney-Pixar film Brave made in the USA rather than promote the UK-made Sir Billy.

[54:10] The film Brave went on to receive an audience score of 76% on the website Rotten Tomatoes.

[54:15] Sir Billy received 0%.

[54:17] That certified fresh.

[54:20] Now, to be fair, Sir Billy only received 0% from audiences because zero audiences went to see it.

[54:25] And the ones that did killed themselves.

[54:30] They asked that their memories be erased from human civilization.

[54:34] Can you turn me into one of those vice robots?

[54:37] He writes,

[54:38] Just use me and abuse me because I saw Sir Billy and I can't live anymore.

[54:42] Regardless of your views on Scottish independence, I think we can all agree that the Scottish government made the right call on this one.

[54:48] Pardon me.

[54:49] That kind of hiccup burp turned that into an inadvertent Woody Allen impression.

[54:54] The Scottish government made the right call on this one.

[54:58] The film was put together by a husband and wife team who made a 20-minute short, which then they stretched into 75 minutes.

[55:04] Although clearly they added no additional plot elements whatsoever to flesh out the longer run time.

[55:10] Somehow they managed to raise £15 million to fund the project,

[55:15] leading me to wonder if this was some elaborate money laundering scheme, perhaps following the model of the producers.

[55:21] There was some talk in Scotland during its development that the Hartmans, the directors of the movie,

[55:25] had somehow fooled an ailing Sean Connery into lending his voice to the project.

[55:30] I am normally a very with it person.

[55:33] I have no way of knowing if this is true, but either way, it's a sad end to Connery's career,

[55:37] even sadder than his previous career capper, The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

[55:41] That's pretty sad.

[55:42] Anyway, thanks for drawing attention to one of the worst movies ever to come out of Scotland.

[55:46] Quite an achievement for a small country which has long punched well above its weight in the category of shitty movies.

[55:51] Before I go, I'll leave you...

[55:52] There's a lot of good movies from Scotland, though.

[55:54] Like what? Let's hear them.

[55:55] Highlander.

[55:56] List them all.

[55:57] Highlander.

[55:58] Highlander 2, The Quickening.

[55:59] Highlander 2, The Quickening.

[56:01] Highlander 3, The Thickening.

[56:04] Yeah, Mario Van Peebles gets really fat.

[56:07] A la The Santa Claus.

[56:10] It's a Highlander-Santa Claus crossover.

[56:13] Fried Twinkie, The Movie.

[56:16] That's another Scottish film.

[56:18] All right, let's keep moving, shall we?

[56:20] Wow.

[56:21] Wow.

[56:22] Okay.

[56:24] We were recording an hour earlier than normal.

[56:27] I think Ross is being a little bit harsh on Guardian of the Highlands because despite how terrible it is, it was much more interesting to watch than Vice.

[56:36] Yeah, that's for sure.

[56:37] Certainly more confusing.

[56:39] Yeah.

[56:40] Anyway...

[56:41] Gregory's Girl was a Scottish movie. I liked that one a lot.

[56:43] Ross wraps up saying,

[56:45] Before I go, I'll leave you with this bone-chilling quote from Tessa Hartman.

[56:50] We have a treatment for Sir Billy, too, and also other sub-brands of other characters because feedback has been so positive.

[56:56] P.S. Thanks must go to Elliot who managed to pronounce Glasgow properly and not as glass cow, which many Americans do, to the endless frustration of Glaswegians.

[57:06] As a result, you're welcome here any time, and if you do find yourself in Glasgow, let me know.

[57:11] I can offer advice on where in the city you'll be least likely to be stabbed during your stay.

[57:15] That is very helpful.

[57:16] Oh, that's great.

[57:17] I apologize that I did that. I get a little defensive, I guess, around Scotland because for whatever reason, I really like it, really like it there.

[57:24] Hey, man, I'm theoretically of Scottish heritage. I understand.

[57:28] Theoretically.

[57:29] I mean, like, I don't have...

[57:31] In theory.

[57:32] I mean, we're all from Africa. If you go back far enough...

[57:35] It's not all certified.

[57:36] But, like, Scotland is, like, right up there, I think, as my second favorite country after the United States of America.

[57:45] You don't care who knows it.

[57:46] I don't care who knows it. I really like it there, so.

[57:48] I mean, it's beautiful to look at.

[57:50] It's beautiful. Anytime I've been there, which is not a huge number of times, but I've spent a couple of trips there.

[57:55] The people have been really nice.

[57:57] You like mixing their native beverage with Coca-Cola?

[58:00] I do, very much. I mean, and say what you will about their food, I love it. It's all fried shit.

[58:05] Like, it's just, I went, it's the only place I've ever had double fried hamburgers, so thank you, Scotland.

[58:11] Wait, how do they double fry it?

[58:12] You just fry it and then you fry it again.

[58:14] You fry it a second time.

[58:15] Yeah.

[58:16] It's like chicken fried steak.

[58:18] I mean, so it's just thicker frying on the outside?

[58:20] Probably, yeah.

[58:21] Yeah, it's really good.

[58:22] No, I mean, it sounds good.

[58:24] I love haggis, unironically.

[58:26] Paul Haggis? Terrible. Terrible show.

[58:29] He's all right.

[58:30] No.

[58:31] Because his name's Haggis. I'm going to give him a pass.

[58:33] So I apologize. You know what, you could have kept going with that bit. I just like Scotland.

[58:36] That's right.

[58:38] There's a couple countries I've been to that I really formed a bond to, and I feel like Scotland is one of them.

[58:43] Elliot loves Scotland.

[58:44] Elliot Cailin, your native son.

[58:46] Yeah, and Elliot's favorite movie is Sir Billy.

[58:49] I love it.

[58:51] So this is from Justin, last name withheld.

[58:57] Long.

[58:58] Who writes...

[58:59] Diamond.

[59:00] Oh, that was Justin.

[59:05] Dustin Diamond is the twin brother of Justin.

[59:08] I thought everybody knew that.

[59:10] That's how it works.

[59:11] That's how it works.

[59:13] I'm just going to jump right in, knowing how much Elliot loves retelling history with more awesome trademark.

[59:18] No, I don't.

[59:19] 1905, Germany.

[59:21] Seemingly mild-mannered patent clerk Albert Einstein discovers something that would turn the world on its head.

[59:26] That's right, the Necronomicon.

[59:29] No.

[59:30] That doesn't even make sense. He's a physicist.

[59:33] Reading its insane stanzas, Einstein is driven not to madness, but brilliance,

[59:38] developing his own alien geometries, the theory of special relativity.

[59:43] Now, in 1930s Germany, the Nazis seek to steal his secrets to release the great old ones from the second city of Rylea.

[59:50] In reality, they basically pushed him out of the country.

[59:53] Albert Einstein, Oppenheiner, and the Manhattan Bunch race to develop...

[59:57] The Manhattan Bunch?

[59:59] Were these the kids?

[1:00:00] Detectives that hung out at the Manhattan Project.

[1:00:02] That's right.

[1:00:03] Uh, they race to develop the H-bomb to defeat the returning Cthulhu and his gibbering coterie

[1:00:08] of an abominable Mego, but when all hope is lost with the failure of the bomb and subsequent

[1:00:13] summonings of...

[1:00:15] Is this a pitch?

[1:00:16] Like what?

[1:00:17] Nyarlathotep and Dagon.

[1:00:18] Nyarlathotep.

[1:00:19] Nyarlathotep, yeah.

[1:00:20] They're calling chaos, dude.

[1:00:21] It's fucking...

[1:00:22] Mm-hmm.

[1:00:23] These are all gibberish, uh, H.P. Lovecraft words.

[1:00:26] Come on.

[1:00:27] Hard to...

[1:00:28] Hard to say, even for a normal person.

[1:00:30] And then imagine me.

[1:00:31] Yeah, let's not forget Auguster.

[1:00:32] Let's...

[1:00:33] Huge influence.

[1:00:34] Uh, our heroes find renewed vigor with the accidental nuclear release of another slumbering

[1:00:38] ancient.

[1:00:39] Godzilla.

[1:00:40] Godzilla.

[1:00:41] Okay, saw it coming.

[1:00:42] Now, shouting strategies from his Dr. Wily-style floating saucer, Einstein and Godzilla engage

[1:00:49] in a battle royale with maddening eldritch horrors above a war-torn Japanese Pacific.

[1:00:54] An adventure so non-Euclidean, there will be no seat-edge to sit upon.

[1:00:59] Albert Einstein, destroy all monsters, rated R. I know it's a little heady, but I think

[1:01:04] it would safely make its money back if it had the right screenwriter.

[1:01:07] Yours Justin Lesnick.

[1:01:08] I mean, thanks to movies like Deadpool, you can pitch an R-rated big-budget movie now,

[1:01:12] man.

[1:01:13] Yeah, finally.

[1:01:14] You can make your budget back.

[1:01:15] You just have to have Godzilla talk to the camera.

[1:01:16] Yeah.

[1:01:17] Make penis jokes.

[1:01:18] Play 90s hip-hop.

[1:01:19] Of course, Ryan Reynolds as Cthulhu.

[1:01:20] That would be great.

[1:01:21] He's played every other comic book character, am I right?

[1:01:22] Yeah.

[1:01:23] Tell me about it.

[1:01:24] As long as Einstein is not, like, firing a machine gun, I'm okay with it.

[1:01:25] Here's the thing that gets me about the awesoming up of history.

[1:01:26] Yeah.

[1:01:27] If it's, like—I mean, it doesn't make sense for Einstein to read the Necronomicon.

[1:01:28] He's not an occultist or a literary archivist.

[1:01:29] He's a physicist.

[1:01:30] Yeah, it's not like he—

[1:01:31] And a chemist, I guess.

[1:01:32] Well, what if he picked up—

[1:01:33] Not even a chemist.

[1:01:34] He's, like, a mathematician.

[1:01:35] What if he picked up, like, a pamphlet that he thought was something else, but it turns

[1:01:36] out somebody just put it, like, in the wrong place?

[1:01:37] Yeah.

[1:01:38] Yeah.

[1:01:39] Yeah.

[1:01:41] I know.

[1:01:42] That's the problem.

[1:01:43] But hey, there's the, like, moral of the story.

[1:01:44] Except for Einstein.

[1:01:45] Yeah.

[1:01:48] Yeah.

[1:01:49] And a chemist.

[1:01:50] I guess.

[1:01:51] Yeah.

[1:01:53] Yeah.

[1:01:56] Hmm.

[1:02:00] Yeah.

[1:02:01] He's—

[1:02:04] Yeah, it's not like he—

[1:02:05] And a chemist, I guess.

[1:02:06] Well, what if he picked up—

[1:02:07] Not even a chemist.

[1:02:08] He's, like, a mathematician.

[1:02:39] Yeah.

[1:02:40] He's got all these things as opposed to, like, Albert Einstein has to kick ass or something

[1:02:43] like that.

[1:02:44] Yeah, yeah.

[1:02:45] Where he's—

[1:02:46] FDR's wheelchair has missiles in it.

[1:02:47] He, like, figures out the physics of how to do the best axe kick or some shit.

[1:02:48] Yeah.

[1:02:49] Like, he's a kung fu master all of a sudden.

[1:02:50] I don't like that stuff.

[1:02:51] Yeah.

[1:02:52] No, I agree.

[1:02:53] I agree.

[1:02:54] But I like—

[1:02:55] I would like to see Godzilla fighting some old ones.

[1:02:57] I mean, Godzilla would—I don't think would be much of a match for the old ones.

[1:03:01] But that's just me.

[1:03:02] I don't know.

[1:03:03] Oh, wow.

[1:03:04] I mean, but I'd still want to see it.

[1:03:05] I'd still want to see it.

[1:03:06] He just wouldn't last long, I think.

[1:03:08] This is coming from one of our greatest Godzilla fans.

[1:03:09] He would have to, like, get all the other—

[1:03:10] I'm a big G fan.

[1:03:11] I'm just saying.

[1:03:12] I have to be realistic.

[1:03:13] The same way that, like, I'm a huge Spider-Man fan, but I wouldn't be like, can't wait to

[1:03:17] see Spider-Man take down Cthulhu.

[1:03:20] He'd go insane upon seeing him.

[1:03:22] Uh, I don't know.

[1:03:24] You don't think his quips would save him?

[1:03:25] Maybe for, like, a couple minutes.

[1:03:27] Okay.

[1:03:28] Uh, so this last—

[1:03:29] It was worth it to hear Dan mispronounce Nyarlathotep.

[1:03:31] Mm-hmm.

[1:03:32] I was sad that he didn't list more old ones for Dan to mispronounce.

[1:03:36] And then his army of Shug-oats.

[1:03:37] Shoggoths, Dan.

[1:03:38] Shoggoths.

[1:03:39] Uh, I could do— I could say Shoggoths.

[1:03:40] Who's the one who dances at the center of the universe to the sound of blind pipers?

[1:03:41] Uh, I was just—

[1:03:42] Is that Epitaph?

[1:03:43] Yeah, I think so.

[1:03:44] Uh, I was just really hoping that the goat with a thousand young's name would be mentioned

[1:03:45] in that letter, so Dan would have to be forced to read it on the laws of letter pages.

[1:03:46] I don't even remember her name.

[1:03:47] Shelley.

[1:03:48] I'm not going to bring it up.

[1:03:49] You're not going to bring it up?

[1:03:50] I won't dame to mention it.

[1:04:24] He was right and I was hooked.

[1:04:27] And all the back catalog binging has made this summer an unbridled squealing with mirth

[1:04:32] and laughter.

[1:04:33] I'll tell you that was one crazy summer.

[1:04:36] Thanks.

[1:04:37] Was it better off dead?

[1:04:42] I guess not.

[1:04:43] Have I gotten to college.

[1:04:44] Eek the Cat.

[1:04:45] Savage Steve Holland.

[1:04:47] Elliott's letter songs in general Elliottness are like a super-concentrated syringe full

[1:04:52] of joy.

[1:04:53] Oh, thank you.

[1:04:54] Stuart is an awesome dude and the saga of Ding Dong Gate was an epic tale I hope to

[1:04:58] tell my grandchildren one day.

[1:05:01] And Dan, I actually wish you were the default human being because if only humanity had Dan

[1:05:06] McCoy-ness as its default setting, the world would be a much smarter, funnier and perversoidier

[1:05:10] place to live.

[1:05:11] Oh, way to turn that insult into a compliment.

[1:05:14] Any whoosies.

[1:05:15] I was listening to an old episode and the Stuart recommendation of Space Jail reminded

[1:05:19] me of a time.

[1:05:20] You're welcome.

[1:05:22] It reminded me of a time many years ago when Steven and I eagerly awaited said movie because

[1:05:26] the trailer appeared to have someone say the line, he's the best there is, but he's a loose

[1:05:30] cannon.

[1:05:31] We fell in love with the idea of a character in the movie blatantly stating such a cliche,

[1:05:35] but much to our disappointment, it turns out the line came from Mr. Trailer narrator and

[1:05:38] not an actual character.

[1:05:40] Dearest Peaches, has there ever been something, and not just general awesomeness, that the

[1:05:44] movie failed to deliver in a trailer that got you all hyped up for a film but wasn't

[1:05:50] in the final cut?

[1:05:51] Loptatiously, Emily.

[1:05:54] This is a tough one.

[1:05:55] I don't know if I have the recall.

[1:05:56] I mean, there's lots of times that these scenes have been in trailers and then not in the

[1:06:01] movie.

[1:06:02] Right.

[1:06:03] Because the cut isn't finished.

[1:06:04] Well, there's a...

[1:06:05] I remember in the...

[1:06:06] I think it was the first trailer for The Two Towers, there was a scene of Eowyn stalking

[1:06:12] around in the caves underneath Helm's Deep with a sword, and it was indicating that maybe

[1:06:18] that orcs were tunneling underneath, or that Uruk-Hai and she was stalking around, going

[1:06:24] all Splinter Cell on them.

[1:06:28] But that was never in the movie, and I don't even think it was in the extended cut either.

[1:06:33] Hmm.

[1:06:34] Wow.

[1:06:35] I can't imagine things not being in the extended cut.

[1:06:38] I know.

[1:06:39] If it was a Hobbit movie, it would have been...

[1:06:41] I mean, there's scenes from other movies in the extended cut.

[1:06:44] Yeah, they watch 20 Minutes of Lords of Arabia.

[1:06:47] There's weird...

[1:06:48] Like, there's a segment from Bugsy Malone, of all things.

[1:06:50] Stare into my palantir and watch this dope movie I like.

[1:06:55] We have a quest to embark upon, but first, have you seen the one where he tells Honey

[1:07:00] that he shrunk the kids?

[1:07:01] And he just puts the tape in, and it's then a static shot of a TV playing Honey, I Shrunk

[1:07:06] the Kids for the entirety of the movie.

[1:07:08] Oh.

[1:07:09] I don't know if I actually have an answer for this one.

[1:07:12] Yeah, I don't know that I do either.

[1:07:13] I mean, there's certainly movies that the trailer made look better or more exciting.

[1:07:17] I mean, there's Godzilla, which came out recently, where the trailer made it look like this is

[1:07:22] going to be an amazing movie with a ton of Godzilla in it, and it was not.

[1:07:28] But that's just general trailer stuff, I feel like.

[1:07:32] Mm-hmm.

[1:07:33] Yeah, I specifically remember thinking that the Pineapple Express trailer was one of the

[1:07:39] best cut trailers I'd seen, and then I saw the movie and I'm like, this is all right.

[1:07:44] Oh, I liked it a lot.

[1:07:46] But the purpose of a trailer is to give you the best.

[1:07:48] Yeah, it is.

[1:07:49] There's no trailer that's going to be like, it's an okay movie that you're going to kind

[1:07:52] of like.

[1:07:53] Mm-hmm.

[1:07:54] Yeah.

[1:07:55] Maybe go to it.

[1:07:56] I don't care.

[1:07:57] I don't know what your life is like.

[1:07:58] Whatever.

[1:07:59] Maybe you've got better things to do.

[1:08:00] That's cool.

[1:08:01] Moonstruck, which is actually a very good movie, so I don't know why they sold it that

[1:08:06] way.

[1:08:07] Hey, Archie.

[1:08:08] Hey.

[1:08:09] So everyone here is my cat complaining.

[1:08:10] Yeah, going, hey, get him out of here.

[1:08:14] I'm tired of wearing these pants.

[1:08:16] Yeah, put it up.

[1:08:17] Yeah, that's good.

[1:08:18] Put them up closer to the microphone.

[1:08:20] So, Dan, that was the letter segment.

[1:08:22] I guess we didn't have an answer for that.

[1:08:24] Yeah, I apologize.

[1:08:25] But we did that hilarious bit about the Hobbit movies.

[1:08:28] Yeah, we did.

[1:08:29] So, checkmate.

[1:08:30] Classic bit.

[1:08:31] They're already turning it into a series of paintings.

[1:08:35] That's right.

[1:08:36] A triptych.

[1:08:37] Yeah.

[1:08:38] Put it in the Flophouse time capsule and set it to...

[1:08:45] The future.

[1:08:46] Yeah.

[1:08:47] The future.

[1:08:48] Set it to ten minutes from now.

[1:08:50] We're just testing to make sure the time capsule works.

[1:08:54] Dig up that five...

[1:08:55] I like that idea.

[1:08:56] We just put something in a box and then we wait ten minutes and we open the box to see

[1:09:00] if it's still in there.

[1:09:01] Yep, it works.

[1:09:02] No Schrodinger hijinks on this one.

[1:09:06] There's a dead cat in here, too.

[1:09:08] Yeah, I put that in there.

[1:09:09] It's okay.

[1:09:10] Aw.

[1:09:11] So, this is our last segment on the show where we recommend a movie that we actually liked

[1:09:18] that you should watch instead of watching Vice, which I recommend for no one.

[1:09:24] Final judgments.

[1:09:25] No.

[1:09:26] No.

[1:09:27] Letters.

[1:09:28] It's letters time.

[1:09:29] No.

[1:09:30] Flophouse housework.

[1:09:31] Rawr-rawr.

[1:09:32] Welcome to the Flophouse.

[1:09:33] I'm Dan McCoy.

[1:09:34] I'm Elliot Kalan.

[1:09:35] Everything is wrong.

[1:09:36] So, we're going to talk about movies that we actually liked, and I'm going to talk about

[1:09:43] a movie I totally liked.

[1:09:46] Last night...

[1:09:47] Thus fulfilling the obligations of the bit.

[1:09:50] Fulfilling the prophecy.

[1:09:51] My mom always told me, Stewart, tell me about a movie that he liked.

[1:09:57] When I was a child growing up in the temple, the...

[1:10:00] Magic Scrolls told me that Stuart would watch a movie he actually liked and then talk about it on a podcast.

[1:10:05] And that's what I'm about to do.

[1:10:06] Last night I watched, I went to a early screening, a special early screening that we got wise to,

[1:10:13] thanks to a listener over at the Flop House Facebook group, of the movie Green Room,

[1:10:19] the latest feature from the director Jeremy Saulnier, the director of Blue Ruin and Monster Party,

[1:10:27] or not Monster Party, Murder Party, Monster Party, Mad Monster Party, Day of the Tentacle.

[1:10:33] And Green Room is a super tight little thriller.

[1:10:39] It's very brutal. It's about a punk rock band who are far away from home.

[1:10:47] They're from the D.C. area and they're touring the Pacific Northwest.

[1:10:51] And they are having difficulty finding gigs and they get set up with a last minute gig

[1:10:57] at a venue that is a little more skinhead-y than they expected.

[1:11:04] And they get stuck in a situation that rapidly spirals out of control.

[1:11:09] And it's really great. The violence is very meaty, I guess.

[1:11:18] It's meaty violence.

[1:11:20] It's shocking and horrible and it has some kinship to something like the Assault on Precinct 13,

[1:11:30] but it's, I guess, even more difficult to watch.

[1:11:35] And it has some great performances in it from both, I think it's Mason Blair, the star of Blue Ruin,

[1:11:42] as well as Anton Yelchin and Imogen Poots, my favorite Poots.

[1:11:50] And a great heel turn by Sir Patrick Stewart.

[1:11:56] I totally recommend it. It's not an easy watch.

[1:11:59] Yeah, if you're not into gory violence like Stewart's wife, you may not enjoy the movie.

[1:12:05] Large chunks of the movie making unhappy noises and covering her eyes.

[1:12:10] Though afterwards, she did admit, though she didn't like it, it was a good movie.

[1:12:15] And it's pretty legit.

[1:12:19] Too legit to quit.

[1:12:19] Not only do they have some great music in the soundtrack, but also in the thank yous,

[1:12:25] they thank King Fowley, the frontman for the band Deceased,

[1:12:30] which is a super kind of unknown death metal band from the DC area.

[1:12:36] So that was pretty cool.

[1:12:37] The Deceased area.

[1:12:38] Yeah. So Green Room, run, don't walk.

[1:12:43] I'm going to also recommend a thriller.

[1:12:48] I got around to watching 10 Cloverfield Lane, which is a fun movie.

[1:12:56] I think it's maybe been like slightly overpraised just because, I don't know.

[1:13:02] John Goodman. He has good in his name.

[1:13:06] I feel like if any movie sort of delivers.

[1:13:10] I'm like the director John Badham.

[1:13:12] These days, like most mass market entertainment is so bad that if any movie like delivers.

[1:13:18] It's so bad.

[1:13:21] It's so bad that if any movie delivers.

[1:13:23] How many sharks were in that NATO?

[1:13:27] It is overpraised, but I still liked it quite a bit.

[1:13:30] And I probably would have been recommending Green Room, too,

[1:13:35] if it was sequel.

[1:13:39] They're just churning them out.

[1:13:40] Thanks, Holly, weird.

[1:13:43] We made it money. Just pump it out, pump it out.

[1:13:45] You would obviously recommend Green Room.

[1:13:47] I scooped you, but then I sent you the link for the ticket.

[1:13:51] Stuart was the scooper and you were the pooper.

[1:13:55] That's from your lips to my ears and my heart.

[1:14:00] So, but I did quite like 10 Cloverfield Lane.

[1:14:07] And despite my you liked out of Mary Elizabeth Wynn's minor.

[1:14:13] What do you call it? I'm just I'm just didn't love it.

[1:14:16] You think it's not as good as people say, but it's still good.

[1:14:18] Yeah, somewhat qualified recommendation. Yeah, but you're not playing it.

[1:14:23] It starts. Why not? It's a movie that starts like Psycho and it ends.

[1:14:27] Spoiler, spoiler, spoiler, spoiler.

[1:14:33] Kind of like Aliens.

[1:14:34] And if that sounds like fun to you, then then you're,

[1:14:38] you know, my kind of guy and let's go get a beer sometime.

[1:14:42] But no, it's a lot of fun.

[1:14:46] The thing that I kind of found interesting about it is like it's Jesus Christ.

[1:14:50] These things wouldn't be so long if you didn't if you let me fucking talk.

[1:14:54] Okay, you're saying the thing you kind of liked about it.

[1:14:55] The thing I kind of liked about it is it's this it's really this chamber piece.

[1:14:59] Like it literally has three actors in it.

[1:15:03] And it's a small classically constructed thriller.

[1:15:08] And that's a sort of movie that wouldn't get made nowadays.

[1:15:13] If it did, if it wasn't attached to the Cloverfield Lane,

[1:15:18] like it's an interesting way to make a sequel.

[1:15:19] Like it's not a direct sequel to this big blockbuster.

[1:15:23] It's a sequel that's set in the same universe,

[1:15:29] which allows them to make kind of a smaller movie

[1:15:33] and for that to be for the studios to take a chance on a smaller movie.

[1:15:37] It kind of is the daredevil to Cloverfield's The Avengers.

[1:15:41] Yeah, and so it's it's kind of nice that people call it bad robot.

[1:15:46] I think it's a good robot.

[1:15:49] J.J. Abrams.

[1:15:50] For Studio Review, I'm Stuart Wellington.

[1:15:53] But making a sequel this way kind of opens the window to a different type of film

[1:15:57] that unfortunately hasn't been made that much lately

[1:16:02] because studios are so focused on just huge blockbusters all the time.

[1:16:06] And so I really liked it and it had a really great third act.

[1:16:09] Like the first two acts were like good,

[1:16:12] but few movies I feel like these days like often the third act is the worst.

[1:16:17] Yeah, often third. Yeah, especially with horror movies like yeah,

[1:16:20] because the in the early acts,

[1:16:23] the mystery is what drives you and you get so excited in the build up so good

[1:16:27] that when they finally reveal everything, you're like honk shoe.

[1:16:30] I'm sleeping because this movie sucks.

[1:16:32] Yeah, I think this movie sets things up so beautifully that the payoff is very exciting.

[1:16:36] So I yeah, 10 Cloverfield Lane.

[1:16:40] That's what I'm recommending.

[1:16:41] Speaking of big blockbusters, I want to recommend a little movie.

[1:16:45] That's kind of a blockbuster.

[1:16:46] It's about two well-known heroes versus sing each other and maybe Justice Dawn's.

[1:16:51] It's called The Forbidden Room.

[1:16:56] This is a movie zigged and we both zagged Ziggy.

[1:16:59] Now, this is a movie. I zigged.

[1:17:01] If I had seen it when it was released in US theaters,

[1:17:06] it would have been my second favorite movie of last year after Fury Road

[1:17:10] or maybe tied for first, but I saw it.

[1:17:13] It's on Netflix now.

[1:17:14] So I finally got to see it because I missed it and it's very brief run.

[1:17:16] The Forbidden Room is the most recent movie from Guy Maddin,

[1:17:19] one of my favorite directors.

[1:17:21] He did the saddest music in the world.

[1:17:23] He did carefully does those those those shoes with the ads that look like Bratz dolls.

[1:17:28] No, that's Steve Madden their brothers.

[1:17:30] No, not related. He does those football games.

[1:17:33] That's John Madden. Okay, that's his dad.

[1:17:36] That's his dad. Yeah, his dad was in sports.

[1:17:39] His dad worked for a Winnipeg hockey team.

[1:17:41] He did that TV show with Don Draper where he was dissatisfied with his life,

[1:17:45] even though he's Matthew Weiner.

[1:17:47] I was mad men.

[1:17:49] I see. I see. I see.

[1:17:50] Roundabout way, but that works.

[1:17:52] That's a good way to do it. Yeah.

[1:17:53] Yeah. Okay.

[1:17:54] He was yeah, anyway, but I'm eagerly awaiting this one.

[1:17:58] I'm a big fan of Guy Maddin and it lived up to all my expectations in somewhat.

[1:18:02] He's doing some things in it that are even more.

[1:18:06] He's a director who is always doing kind of radical things,

[1:18:11] radical, radical with film format in terms of the look of the thing.

[1:18:16] He loves shooting things like silent movies is editing is hyper fast

[1:18:20] and he distorts the images and this he takes that even further,

[1:18:25] but he manages to get some much more some even more beautiful imagery than he's used to

[1:18:30] because the way he's using color and the way he's combining images,

[1:18:33] but also some strange and haunting and bizarre and unpleasant imagery,

[1:18:37] but I would go into the plot except it's this kind of nested series of plots

[1:18:42] that keep changing back and forth.

[1:18:44] It opens as a right. I'm right about that.

[1:18:46] Yeah, it opens as a kind of instructional film about how to take a bath

[1:18:49] and from that point it goes on to a story on a submarine.

[1:18:53] There's a story in a jungle.

[1:18:54] There's a story involving an evil insurance agent

[1:18:58] who has these women dressed as skeletons that poison people.

[1:19:02] There's a lot of crazy stuff in it.

[1:19:05] Is it like Holy Motors?

[1:19:07] I would say no in that I feel like Holy Motors was

[1:19:11] you're just following that one actor through a bunch of different scenes

[1:19:14] and the scenes weren't necessarily full stories.

[1:19:17] In this case, it feels like he's telling you a series of really bizarre stories,

[1:19:22] but they have kind of beginning middle ends

[1:19:24] as opposed to just being like a crazy thing this character is doing.

[1:19:27] I mean some people maybe could...

[1:19:29] It's more like Holy Motors than it is like Titanic, you know.

[1:19:32] Okay. More like a commercial.

[1:19:35] Yeah, exactly. Or, you know, an episode of Big Bang Theory.

[1:19:38] But I like this more than...

[1:19:41] You're first, folks.

[1:19:43] But I like this more than Holy Motors.

[1:19:46] But, Dan, as if you're not already going to go see it,

[1:19:50] there's an original song in it from the band Sparks

[1:19:55] about a man who's obsessed with butts

[1:19:57] and is trying to desperately cure himself of this obsession.

[1:20:00] and I've had this song stuck in my head for a few days now.

[1:20:03] But it's just like a very, it's a strange but very fun movie

[1:20:08] and it unleashes so much more movie on you than you expect to get from a normal movie.

[1:20:14] So, The Forbidden Room.

[1:20:15] I like getting extra movie.

[1:20:16] Yep, it's streaming on Netflix right now.

[1:20:18] Don't expect closure on too many of the stories,

[1:20:23] but expect to be constantly thrown off balance by what this movie is doing,

[1:20:27] which I really enjoyed.

[1:20:29] The Forbidden Room.

[1:20:31] Three recommendations from the flop dudes.

[1:20:34] Yep, thanks for summing up what just happened.

[1:20:37] Now we're going to talk some more.

[1:20:39] Yeah, I mean just a little bit more.

[1:20:41] Okay.

[1:20:42] Because this is the time where we sign off.

[1:20:44] Let's have a little bit less conversation and a little more finishing the podcast and leaving.

[1:20:49] What I would say is this is the first episode after the MaxFunDrive.

[1:20:53] Thank you everybody who donated.

[1:20:55] It means a lot to us.

[1:20:56] Good point, Stuart.

[1:20:57] Thank you very much to everybody.

[1:20:59] It's a fun time of year for us to go out and actively promote the show because it's a big part of our lives.

[1:21:06] And to force John Hodgman to come into my apartment and watch Dan Aykroyd be slathered up in a big fat baby costume and do a dumb voice.

[1:21:16] The whole time, yeah, he kept eyeballing Elliot's seat.

[1:21:20] He's like, maybe I can take the motor mouth seat.

[1:21:24] And just from the bottom of our hearts, we know there's a lot of people who are fans of this show who are not wealthy millionaires,

[1:21:31] and to donate any money to the MaxFunPledgeDrive is a real choice that you're making with your dollars.

[1:21:37] It's not a frivolous choice, and it's you choosing to support us rather than spend it somewhere else that you could, and we really appreciate that.

[1:21:45] And I also want to say thanks to everybody who donated as part of the Rocket Crocodile Action Squad to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

[1:21:54] That was a really cool thing that was set up by a group of our listeners over at our Facebook group, and they raised a ton of money, which is awesome.

[1:22:02] Basically $25,000.

[1:22:04] And don't forget that it's –

[1:22:05] What's our cut?

[1:22:06] It's for charity.

[1:22:09] That is a charity right here.

[1:22:11] You get to feel a swelling in your heart like a care bearer.

[1:22:13] You get to feel like this wasn't all for nothing, that you've done some good in the world.

[1:22:18] I need the monies.

[1:22:20] Charity begins in my wallet.

[1:22:23] Charity begins in me buying myself stuff.

[1:22:26] If you missed out on the drive but you want to contribute, you can still go over to the MaxFun store and pick up the Rocket Crocodile poster

[1:22:34] drawn by Flophouse favorite Tom Fowler, and all profits of that poster go to the same charity.

[1:22:43] Yeah, Suicide Prevention.

[1:22:46] We're out there sort of helping to do good in the community.

[1:22:51] Not really.

[1:22:52] We're actively hurting.

[1:22:54] We are inadvertently.

[1:22:55] We are tangentially.

[1:22:57] We are inadvertently an accessory to a good cause.

[1:23:01] Yeah, whichever streaming service rents out Vice is going to be like,

[1:23:06] wow, there's an uptick in people watching this turd.

[1:23:08] Time to green light turd number two.

[1:23:11] Vice 2.

[1:23:12] Vice in it.

[1:23:13] The re-Vice thing.

[1:23:15] Yep.

[1:23:16] Twice as Vice is the name of the sequel.

[1:23:18] Nice.

[1:23:19] It's Vice with a 2 instead of a V.

[1:23:21] People are like, how do I pronounce this movie's name?

[1:23:23] Yeah.

[1:23:24] But thank you to everyone again, and now it's time to sign off.

[1:23:29] You know what?

[1:23:30] You know what?

[1:23:31] Yes, thank you.

[1:23:32] To everyone.

[1:23:33] Thank you.

[1:23:34] You don't care who knows it.

[1:23:36] I made it sound like I was arguing with you, but really I agree.

[1:23:40] For the Flopcast, which is called the Flophouse.

[1:23:44] For the Flopcast, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:23:48] Over there is Elliot Kalin.

[1:23:50] I'm looking right at Stuart Wellington, and my eyes are thanking me.

[1:23:53] Good night, everyone.

[1:23:55] Bye.

[1:24:00] Yeah.

[1:24:04] I'm the tall guy.

[1:24:06] I'm the short guy.

[1:24:08] And Dan's the middle guy.

[1:24:10] Yours is pretty good.

[1:24:12] If it's mine, it must be great.

[1:24:15] Let me show you my penis.

[1:24:17] Oh, wait.

[1:24:18] Never mind.

[1:24:19] I left it in my other pants.

[1:24:20] Sorry.

[1:24:21] Your penis?

[1:24:22] Yeah.

[1:24:23] So can you get my other pants for me?

[1:24:24] Why?

[1:24:25] You're not going to need that thing.

[1:24:27] You never know.

[1:24:28] Nope.

[1:24:29] That will assure you that we're not.

[1:24:30] Feeling pretty good about the chemistry between me and Stu.

[1:24:32] I'm not going to need it.

[1:24:33] I mean, maybe after the show.

[1:24:35] I guess we can do it on...

[1:24:37] Okay, we're doing it on the show.

[1:24:38] Or during.

[1:24:39] Yeah, come on.

[1:24:40] What are we going to talk about, the movie?

[1:24:41] Forget about it.

[1:24:47] That's my Mickey Blue Eyes impression.

[1:24:49] Hmm.

[1:24:50] Maximumfun.org.

[1:24:52] Comedy and culture.

[1:24:53] Artist owned.

[1:24:54] Listener supported.

[1:24:56] I'm Jesse Thorne.

[1:24:57] I'm Jordan Morris.

[1:24:58] The federal government has millions of dollars in programs and opportunities that you need to seize today.

[1:25:04] You're a taxpayer, right?

[1:25:06] Well, then you've got it coming.

[1:25:07] Thanks to Uncle Sam, you can get grant programs for veterans.

[1:25:11] Postage stamps that will ensure your mail gets there in a timely fashion.

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[1:25:17] Child care for your children that turns them into super soldiers.

[1:25:20] Get a million dollars to open your own lake.

[1:25:23] Useful power tools that are easy on your soft, delicate hands.

[1:25:26] Your own personal radioactive brick.

[1:25:29] More sexual attention from everyone at the used bookstore.

[1:25:32] Greyhound tickets.

[1:25:34] Soft, gentle kisses from TV's John Goodman.

[1:25:37] A real narwhal.

[1:25:38] Athletic socks filled with stew.

[1:25:40] A valuable pamphlet on millet.

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[1:25:47] For all of this and more, drop us a line.

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Ep. #201 - Vice

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