Ep. #202 - Burnt

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Burnt.

[0:03] Which is how you're going to feel after you watch the movie.

[0:06] Oh, brother.

[0:07] Well done.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:40] Welcome to the Flopcast Pothouse. I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:43] Flop come well boho. I'm Ellie Kalin.

[0:45] You're rich. The three of us doing a thing called a podcast.

[0:49] And we heighten the bit each time.

[0:52] Dan, what does this podcast do, or what is a podcast?

[0:55] Well, a podcast, there's a thing called Really Simple Syndication, or RSS.

[1:00] You already lost me.

[1:01] All right, well, anyway, this is a podcast.

[1:03] Is it related to simple syrup?

[1:04] Yeah.

[1:05] Too many tongue twisters.

[1:07] Really Simple Syndication is a syndication made up of equal parts sugar and water.

[1:13] Interesting.

[1:14] We call it sugar water.

[1:16] Also the name of my ranch.

[1:19] Dressing?

[1:22] My ranch dressing, sugar water ranch dressing.

[1:26] He still gets to wear a cowboy hat, even though it's just a dressing.

[1:30] I've tried to tell you that your salads are not healthy when you put that stuff on it, Elliot.

[1:34] It's covered in sugar, just like a salad should be.

[1:37] We call it candy salad.

[1:39] This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[1:44] Candy corn would be in that salad.

[1:46] You know it.

[1:47] Candy corn, candy lettuce, candy radishes, candy garbanzos.

[1:51] Those aren't existing things, though.

[1:52] Candy cucumbers.

[1:53] What I'm doing is I'm taking candy and I'm sponge sugar and I'm putting it into a salad form.

[2:01] Kind of tricking your eye and your tongue the way a chef would do.

[2:04] Why am I doing that?

[2:06] Molecular gastronomy.

[2:07] Exactly.

[2:07] Why am I indulging in this Cuisinart, if you will?

[2:11] I won't.

[2:12] Because I'm an asshole.

[2:14] Much like the lead character of our film, Bert.

[2:17] Yeah.

[2:18] You said our film.

[2:21] We didn't make it.

[2:22] No, we didn't.

[2:23] In fact, I don't want any ownership stake.

[2:25] Can you prove you didn't make it, Stuart?

[2:27] Or should I say director John Wells?

[2:29] There was a period of time where I blacked out

[2:33] and I don't remember very much.

[2:35] All I remember is...

[2:36] I'm covered in blood and receipts for making the movie burnt.

[2:40] I have a vague memory of telling Bradley Cooper

[2:43] to kiss the Nazi soldier from Inglourious Basterds.

[2:45] My God, I made burnt.

[2:49] That's the main thing a director does.

[2:52] Just tells them to do a thing that's in the script.

[2:55] I mean, kind of.

[2:57] Yeah, I guess.

[2:59] What part of directing is not that?

[3:02] It just seems like the script is really the driving force behind that scene rather than the director.

[3:07] You think that because you're a writer, but you're so naive.

[3:09] The script is but toilet paper for the director and the actors to wipe their butts with

[3:15] as they make up a new story called Burnt.

[3:22] Rated R

[3:23] For use of the word fuck twice

[3:25] So we watched this movie

[3:30] Tonight

[3:31] So this was a Bradley Cooper vehicle

[3:33] How many Bradley Cooper films have we seen on this show now

[3:35] At least three

[3:36] We saw the one about where he didn't have any limits

[3:38] Valentine's Day

[3:40] The one where he took a pill

[3:43] The one where he bid hello

[3:45] And goodbye

[3:46] To Hawaii in Aloha

[3:48] Limitless

[3:49] Shit I forgot about Aloha

[3:51] Yeah, me too

[3:52] It's a great word, it means two things

[3:55] So aloha

[3:58] We just did that like four episodes ago

[4:01] How did I forget?

[4:02] You had a pretty severe blow on the head from that pineapple afterwards though

[4:06] Why did I take a nap under that pineapple tree?

[4:09] I told you it was a bad idea

[4:12] But I wanted an upside down cake

[4:14] And part of the recipe was

[4:17] Have a guy sleep under it

[4:19] what magic cookbook is this that remind uh that reminds me of a cookbook that was uh sent in by

[4:27] um they were sent in by a listener and i don't have the person's name i will thank them next

[4:34] episode but um a listener sent me a williamsburg uh colonial williamsburg cookbook and i'm very

[4:41] charmed by these old cookbooks where they have things like mocked or like uh not mocked like

[4:47] turtle soup if you're making turtle soup in the summer kill the turtle at dawn in the winter

[4:55] kill the turtle at night and i just love these old recipes only find a turtle that has crawled

[5:01] across a crossroads where a where a burglar was hung that's right i mean turtle soup is delicious

[5:07] and their flesh tastes way better depending on when you kill it

[5:11] okay i mean yeah kind of like humans yeah i wouldn't know damn you gotta get them when

[5:18] they're young so we watch this movie burnt with our boy kids uh with our boy brad coops yeah yeah

[5:25] a guy who i mean he has been a lot of movies to put it to put it in shorthand we were hanging

[5:29] with mr cooper that's right as is our want to do now this movie let's just say this like man

[5:37] like the other bradley hooper movies we've seen in the show except for limitless there was no

[5:41] fantastical element there was no horror or science fiction or action theme to it it was just the

[5:47] story of one chef trying to claw his way back to the top by being a total douche to everybody yeah

[5:54] and apparently his problem was in the past he was a douche and the only way he can fix this is by

[6:01] Being a different kind of douche

[6:03] A literal douche

[6:05] What?

[6:06] He opens up a vagina cleaning place

[6:08] He opens up a vagina cleaning place

[6:14] What if that was a Three Stooges short

[6:17] Like instead of being plumbers

[6:19] They were professional douche

[6:20] That dowager would have a lot more

[6:23] To complain about

[6:24] I'm just imagining like a strip mall

[6:29] that just has like a sign that says the vagina cleaning spot

[6:35] yep yeah honey i'm gonna step into lens crafters if you want to go into the vagina

[6:40] i'm gonna go into beyond vape you can go into there

[6:44] i'm gonna go stop into bed bath and beyond clean vagina because that's what you get in the bath

[6:52] yeah let's talk about the movie so we open bradley cooper is living in nolens and he's a fry cook

[7:00] somewhere shucking oysters away he's shucking oysters and he counts in a little book all the

[7:04] oysters that he shucks now somewhere that nicholas cage is dealing with some stolen money who's

[7:12] stolen gold and his daughter was kidnapped my mistake but i thought he burned the money uh

[7:17] He did burn the money.

[7:19] Yeah, he burnt the money early in the flashback.

[7:22] Which forces him to steal the gold.

[7:24] Yeah.

[7:24] Which is to get the girl.

[7:28] Yeah.

[7:28] To catch the kid.

[7:29] To save the kingdom.

[7:31] Who swallowed the fly.

[7:34] I don't know why he swallowed the fly.

[7:36] I guess he'll die.

[7:38] Eventually.

[7:39] I mean, we all will.

[7:40] Yeah.

[7:40] Chilling reminder from L.A.

[7:43] So he's, hey, it makes every moment that much sweeter.

[7:46] Wait, this moment.

[7:47] Hold on, guys.

[7:47] Don't talk.

[7:48] We just experienced a moment of life, and it's most basic.

[7:52] No talking, no thinking, just existing.

[7:55] And we only have a limited number of those.

[7:57] It's gone now.

[7:57] And I guess maxfund.org slash donate.

[8:01] Is that still a thing that's happening?

[8:06] Yeah, I mean, sure.

[8:07] They can still do that.

[8:08] Okay, so Bradley Cooper, he shucks his one millionth oyster.

[8:12] He's been keeping a tally.

[8:14] Keeping a tally.

[8:15] A little moleskine.

[8:16] Was it literally a million oysters?

[8:17] He couldn't have shucked a million oysters.

[8:19] Yes, it was a million oysters.

[8:20] No one can shuck a million oysters.

[8:21] It took him a long time.

[8:22] He didn't do it in like one day.

[8:24] Well, unless they have an electric shuckifying machine.

[8:25] Like in Dr. Seuss' unpublished failure,

[8:29] Bartholomew Blinks, Oster Shucking Machine.

[8:33] That's right.

[8:34] You would have thought he would have come up with a better name.

[8:37] This is why it was never published.

[8:39] Dr. Seuss' unpublished shuck-a-fuck-a-voicers.

[8:43] His adult way.

[8:45] He briefly went into adult poetry.

[8:47] An oyster all shuck, and then she I will fuck, said the man with the aphrodisiac grin.

[8:53] From Canarka Canuck.

[8:55] And then there was the man from Ganorgula Hex, who thought about nothing all day but just sex.

[9:05] It's very easy to write Dirty Dr. Sears Rhymes.

[9:08] You can make up whatever.

[9:09] It's easy.

[9:10] It turns out it's easy to be a poet.

[9:11] You can make up whatever word you want.

[9:13] When you're not restricted to the actual words in the English language, it opens up a world of possible rhymes.

[9:19] Just kidding.

[9:20] He was a genius.

[9:20] Anyway, so he walks out on his job and then apparently walks from New Orleans to England.

[9:25] Yep, that's right.

[9:26] In London, he meets up with a whole cast of characters that he knew in his previous life as a superstar bad boy chef.

[9:32] A whole cast of actors who are kind of slumming it, I guess, in this movie.

[9:37] I don't know.

[9:37] I mean, it's not.

[9:38] I mean, this movie was supposed to be, I think, a big prestige.

[9:40] It's not a good movie, but I don't even know what that.

[9:43] this is a throwback movie.

[9:44] The one thing I like about it,

[9:45] this is a throwback movie

[9:47] to the era of like

[9:48] movies about people.

[9:50] Yeah, that's right.

[9:52] It is a throwback to an era

[9:53] of movies about people.

[9:54] Movies about people

[9:55] where there's no action,

[9:56] there's no like,

[9:57] the stakes are relatively low

[9:59] and that it's just a person's life.

[10:00] Like the kind of movies

[10:01] that James L. Brooks made so well.

[10:03] Yeah, that's true.

[10:04] Like it's a throwback.

[10:05] I don't think this was supposed

[10:06] to be like a $500 million movie,

[10:08] but it's not very good.

[10:10] Like they're not slumming it,

[10:11] but it's not very good.

[10:12] They thought,

[10:12] I just meant they thought it was going to be maybe an awards contender.

[10:17] I feel like that's the only reason why these movies get made anymore

[10:20] is that they think that they might get awards.

[10:23] Acting awards.

[10:23] I mean, do you think that's the case or that's just like our percent?

[10:27] Like are we just being pessimists and assuming that?

[10:29] I mean, I'm sure that the actors like being in movies where they can play parts

[10:33] and don't have to do stunts and stuff.

[10:34] Like as soon as you see a drama for adults, you're like, oh, yeah, whatever.

[10:38] Just pandering to the –

[10:39] And then the joys on them because you win Oscars for getting attacked by a CGI bear.

[10:43] I genuinely feel like that might be true these days, though, with the economics of movie making.

[10:48] It's either an indie movie or it's a blockbuster movie or it's a movie that's designed to try and get some sort of awards attention.

[10:56] And I'm not upset about that.

[10:59] That's why I don't mind that awards exist because that means that we get movies that are a different kind of movie.

[11:05] I mean, it's not that different from the way the old studio system worked, where you would have, they would make their blockbuster films and their money-making films, and then they'd have their prestige pictures that were just meant to make the studio look good and not necessarily make a ton of money.

[11:18] Like they'd pour money into like a Shakespeare adaptation or something.

[11:22] No, you're right.

[11:23] I'm being guilty of that thing that I hate, which is like.

[11:27] I'm not throwing a blood to Japanese movies.

[11:28] It's a different system.

[11:30] I'm being guilty of that thing that I hate, which is believing that there was a time that was better than this time.

[11:35] Oh, in terms of filmmaking, there were many times that were better than this time.

[11:38] Yeah, listen to Elliot's fucking recommendations for a change.

[11:42] Thank you.

[11:42] I mean, the difference is that back during that studio system, the studios churned out so many, dozens if not hundreds of movies,

[11:49] that there was a higher average of movies that were good.

[11:52] Right.

[11:52] Whereas now, and there was a lot of crap, but there was more that was good.

[11:55] And all the best talent was locked into slave-like seven-year contracts where they had no control over what they could make.

[12:02] The movies – then you had your later eras where there was more freedom in filmmaking or supposedly.

[12:09] But now it's the era where it's just like everything's got to make a billion dollars or win an award or not get made.

[12:14] But winning an award is part of – I'm assuming the purpose of making a movie that wins an award is that it will also help it make money.

[12:21] It definitely – it's supposed to goose the money that it makes.

[12:24] but it's you can also it's there's that belief that like this one doesn't necessarily make money

[12:30] but if if someone's billed as academy award winner academy award nominee in this other movie that'll

[12:36] help that one get attention like awards are a marketing thing yeah i get yeah i guess that

[12:41] makes sense but anyway burnt didn't win any awards it was nominated for none it's not very good

[12:46] so he comes back to uh bradley cooper comes back to london where all these people he knew in paris

[12:52] are now living he was the what i guess executive chef i don't know bad boy chef hot dog bad boy

[12:59] chef at a restaurant by a famous chef older chef named jean-luc i think you're right uh what was

[13:05] the name of that waiter in paris jean-luc i haven't seen that commercial in so long well it

[13:12] hasn't aired in a long time is that for coffee or tea uh coffee i don't think you know you don't

[13:18] just watch old commercials on YouTube anymore?

[13:20] I do all the time, though. Actually,

[13:22] if I had more time, there was a period when

[13:24] there were a bunch of compilations on YouTube that were just

[13:26] called 80s commercials, and I

[13:28] would watch, like, 20

[13:30] minutes worth at a time, just being like,

[13:32] I remember that one. Oh, man,

[13:34] that one. Every now and then a 70s commercial

[13:36] would slip in, and I'd be like, you didn't do your

[13:38] homework, you two. Lately, I just keep seeing

[13:40] commercials for fucking

[13:42] Time Warner Cable, where they basically

[13:44] are saying, hey,

[13:46] you know, you used to be able to make a date

[13:48] with the Time Warner guy

[13:49] and you could do whatever you wanted

[13:51] because it took him forever.

[13:52] Well, now you're not off the hook anymore.

[13:55] Now you have to go to work, lazy slobs.

[13:57] And it's like, fuck you, dude.

[13:59] You were shitty at your jobs

[14:01] and now you think you're less shitty.

[14:03] Don't put that on me, bro.

[14:04] Don't make me the bad guy.

[14:06] That's like the commercial I hated the most recently

[14:08] where they're like, all through February,

[14:11] Subway's footlongs are only $6.

[14:13] It's like, fuck you.

[14:15] Like we don't remember that there were $5 all the time before.

[14:19] Don't try and make this like it's a special deal.

[14:21] I'm trying to think what commercials nowadays I hate, but I just fast forward through all of them.

[14:26] Yeah.

[14:26] Those Zoom Zoom ads, do they still do those where the kid goes, Zoom Zoom.

[14:31] At least Domino's had the goddamn fucking balls to admit their pizza was shitty.

[14:35] Hats off to you, Domino's.

[14:39] Tip of the cap to you guys.

[14:41] You can pour as much money into anti-abortion causes as you want now, Domino's.

[14:47] I guess that was just the founder of Domino's who does that.

[14:49] Yep.

[14:50] It's not like when you give the money to the delivery guy who puts it in a tube,

[14:56] which takes it to someone who blows up abortion clinics.

[14:59] Someone who's about to commit an abortion, and he gets the money.

[15:02] He's like, oh, I'm sorry.

[15:03] Never mind.

[15:04] Maybe if you could pay me a little more.

[15:06] The Noid is clearly a fiddly veiled abortionist stereotype.

[15:11] anyway the uh we've touched on a lot during this episode but very little on the movie

[15:16] he goes a lot of feelings a lot of thoughts he goes to london and first he goes to a hotel run

[15:23] by a guy named tony played by the nazi soldier from glorious bastards and tony is one of many

[15:29] old cohorts that he's going to try to corral into helping him get back to where he was it turns out

[15:34] he's been sober for two years and now he's ready to go after the third michelin star because he was

[15:40] a two-star michelin chef now i always thought that by the michelin man well at one point they

[15:46] do they do go when the michelin man comes into the restaurant it's like do not promise something

[15:50] the movie will not fulfill which is that bibendum will walk into the into the restaurant with like

[15:57] a trench coat and glasses and a hat like the fucking thing in disguise i'm late for my poker

[16:03] game the big stogie cigar uh you throw around those five dollar words big brain anyway get me

[16:12] some duck confit i gotta test it for my road guide give me some some rubber confit why is he

[16:20] eating what he's made out of why would he eat duck because it's delicious why does a tire eat a duck

[16:28] Didn't you ever see that movie Rubber?

[16:29] Okay, I got you.

[16:31] Who knows what that tire's going to do?

[16:33] That's right, yeah.

[16:33] Who knows what that wacky tire might do next?

[16:36] That was kind of the subtext of the movie.

[16:38] Yeah, I think that was the line on the poster.

[16:40] It was called Tire's Day Out.

[16:45] Anyway, look who's tired now.

[16:49] Feeling tired?

[16:52] Not yet.

[16:53] Watch Rubber.

[16:53] It will put you to slizzy.

[16:57] Says Snoop Dogg

[16:59] In his genre movies review column

[17:02] In Cinescape I guess

[17:04] Anyway so

[17:07] It's Fangoria

[17:08] What a huge get

[17:12] That Snoop Dogg is writing this column for Fangoria

[17:14] Cinescape

[17:15] It's called high art

[17:17] Didn't he sponsor those

[17:19] Horror movies

[17:21] Yeah he sponsored them

[17:22] His name was all over their cars

[17:26] He did all those horror movies that if they walked a certain number of miles, he would...

[17:29] He could put a dollar in a can.

[17:31] But Snoop Dogg had those horror movies, right?

[17:35] Yeah, yeah.

[17:36] It wasn't...

[17:37] Just like he had Girls Gone Wild.

[17:38] Was it like Tales from the Dog Pound or something like that?

[17:41] Or Tales from the...

[17:42] He had his hand in a lot of pies.

[17:43] Ah, well, there was Bones, the movie he's in.

[17:46] Maybe I'm thinking of Bones.

[17:48] And the murder was the case video.

[17:53] Anyway, so he finds the head of this hotel who is, was he this, I don't remember what

[18:01] his relationship was.

[18:01] They all worked at this restaurant that the legendary Jean-Luc, who has since died, is

[18:06] now, was running.

[18:07] And his daughter was going out with Bradley Cooper.

[18:11] Bradley Cooper skipped out of town after some kind of blow up involving-

[18:15] He's clearly like a figure of legend.

[18:17] Yeah, he's, everyone remembers him.

[18:19] Everyone's like, I thought you were dead.

[18:20] I thought you killed yourself by now.

[18:22] He was like a drunk and a heroin addict or whatever.

[18:24] He slowly, throughout the movie, he starts putting on a leather jacket.

[18:26] And then at one scene, he's riding a motorcycle.

[18:29] And it's like, okay, so he's just kind of shelf Wolverine.

[18:31] Because Wolverine already has knives that come out of his hands.

[18:34] Just go all the way and make him a chef who has knives that come out of his hands for cutting things.

[18:38] But he wants, here's the thing.

[18:41] He's driven by his demons.

[18:43] The reason he did all those drugs and that he seduced the boss's daughter and then broke up with her and ran out of the country

[18:50] is that he's driven to find perfection in food

[18:52] and whenever he's confronted

[18:54] with the imperfect quality of reality,

[18:56] he can't take it and he collapses.

[18:58] Sounds like an interesting character, right?

[19:00] You'd be wrong.

[19:01] He's very boring.

[19:01] Instead, he smugs-

[19:03] Not easy to sympathize with.

[19:04] Not at all.

[19:05] He smugs his way through every scene.

[19:07] Anything he wants, he almost instantly gets.

[19:09] Characters who have every reason to be mad at him

[19:12] just kind of roll over for him,

[19:13] only one of whom is planning an elaborate revenge plot

[19:16] that will unfold later.

[19:17] And so one of them is a guy

[19:19] who uh his sous chef michelle from the restaurant who's it's a man's name it's french uh he's not

[19:25] it's not mary it's actually also reminding me i mean i'm talking to listeners even on looking at

[19:31] you stewart he goes he goes on the opening night of my restaurant in paris he called the health

[19:37] inspector and then released rats in my restaurant and bradley cooper's like i was a scamp which is

[19:43] crazy and bradley cooper does a lot of pontificating about food and how important it is at one point he

[19:48] He tells his chefs, I want people, after they eat here, to never want to eat again.

[19:52] Yeah.

[19:53] Which is...

[19:54] It seems like a weird goal.

[19:55] No, you don't use your repeat business.

[19:57] You want to tear your tongue out because you never want less good food to cross it in the future.

[20:04] You're like Sam Neill in Event Horizon, but with your tongue instead of your eye.

[20:08] Where are we going?

[20:09] We won't need tongues.

[20:10] What a weird line that would have been.

[20:13] Where are we going, Sam Neill?

[20:16] Why are you saying that?

[20:17] Because you're clearly talking with a tongue.

[20:19] It's not like he's speaking with telepathy.

[20:21] Well, I needed the tongue to tell you this,

[20:22] and then I was going to take it out.

[20:23] He decides he's going to start his own restaurant.

[20:26] He's in competition with, what's his name, from the Americans.

[20:31] Matthew Rhys?

[20:34] Who was always the salieri to his Mozart, which they literally say.

[20:38] And now, because I guess he wasn't a drug-addicted fool,

[20:41] he has a big restaurant that looks like heaven,

[20:43] because it's all white walls and white plates.

[20:45] Or a genius bar.

[20:47] One or the other.

[20:48] Have you ever had a genius bar?

[20:49] It's delicious, and you feel smarter afterwards.

[20:52] The secret?

[20:54] It's full of Limitless.

[20:55] The secret ingredient is Limitless.

[20:59] Okay, you got me with the Limitless reference.

[21:02] Limitless.

[21:03] Limitless.

[21:04] He meets a lady chef, played by Sienna Miller,

[21:08] who at first does not want to work for him,

[21:11] because he's a jerk.

[21:12] But then she has to work for him,

[21:14] because he arranges for her to be fired by her boss to go work at his restaurant.

[21:18] And long story short, he's a jerk to everybody.

[21:23] He assembles his team of chefs as if he's putting together a heist for a very boring movie.

[21:29] More like the movie he references, Seven Samurai.

[21:32] He says he wants his chefs to be like Seven Samurai,

[21:35] meaning, I assume, that by the end of the film, all but three will have died.

[21:37] He references this to Emma Thompson, by the way,

[21:40] who is employed to make sure that he stays off the drugs.

[21:44] Yeah, she's a therapist, and she gives him drug tests

[21:47] and picks up a paycheck for probably like three days' worth of work.

[21:50] Which I just mentioned to show how overqualified the cast for this movie is.

[21:55] Laurence Olivier is in this movie, and he doesn't even appear on camera.

[21:58] You just know he's around.

[22:01] They just had his bones on set.

[22:03] Yeah, just like the show Bones, or that Snoop Dogg movie, Bones,

[22:07] starring Laurence Olivier as the bones.

[22:10] uh they they put the restaurant together we learned uh we learned what a sous vide machine is

[22:17] yeah he's been so out of the game he doesn't know what sous vide is

[22:20] yeah he's he doesn't seem to know that much about being a chef for being a like superstar chef

[22:29] uh unfortunately when they're about their when they're about to open the restaurant

[22:32] a reporter got a leaked copy of his menu and wrote a bad review of the menu and so a couple tables

[22:40] don't show up and the the staff of the restaurant is not yet a fully cohesive team and bradley

[22:46] cooper loses his shit and he starts throwing plates all over the place and getting really mad

[22:52] is that when he does throws the plates around or is it that's when he throws the plates he's

[22:55] throwing plates around it's one of a couple different blow-ups that he has uh i'll allow

[22:59] the film blow up another better movie than this one and he's uh he then he he says i'm gonna

[23:07] apologize to everybody who dined here and then give them a full refund which they don't address

[23:13] exactly how much these people are being charged for their crazy uh like uh like sauce splattered

[23:20] plates but i'm assuming it's a shitload of hundreds if not thousands uma thurman's in the

[23:25] movie very briefly as a restaurant critic who he wows and then fails to wow uh then everything's

[23:32] okay again the restaurant goes back to business and everything is going fine they get a good

[23:37] review on their second day and so everything's good for a little bit until what they think are

[23:43] some michelin judges come in the michelin men there's an yeah there's an elaborate code where

[23:50] they order half a bottle of wine and where they have a glass of tap water color of bandanas that

[23:55] they wear in their back pocket yellow bandana means you're a michelin star judge and red bandana

[24:00] means you're a top that spins around yeah yeah you're a whirling dirt what did you think i meant

[24:07] like a dreidel yeah exactly and so uh and the and black means you're a bottom in midsummer night's

[24:16] dream oh congratulations yeah we got the part yeah we have shakespeare's immortal comedy of love and

[24:21] magic in the woods of ancient greece perhaps the most enjoyable part in the play bottom for sure

[24:28] yeah i mean if you don't count puck's speech at the end then yes now guys i don't know if i've

[24:34] ever told you this but when i was but a little baby uh my mother was the head of her english

[24:40] department and the theater department and she was uh she was the director for the high school play

[24:46] okay it was midsummer night's dream and i got to be the baby in it oh that's cool wearing a golden

[24:52] diaper wait where's the baby i forget where the baby is the baby the baby's the whole reason that

[24:58] Oberon and Titania are mad at each other.

[25:00] I assume it's that baby.

[25:01] No, it was the other

[25:04] cooler baby that skateboards across the

[25:06] fucking stage. It was baby Herman.

[25:07] It was baby

[25:10] Huey who shows up.

[25:11] It was the Lindbergh

[25:14] baby. Sir William. That's what happened

[25:16] to him. You've got to remove the part

[25:18] when enormous retarded duck baby

[25:20] in a diaper waddles across

[25:22] the stage and knocks all the scenery down.

[25:24] But it's the heart of the play.

[25:26] That's the other thing. We've got to change the name. We don't use that word.

[25:28] It's not a Midsummer Night's Huey's Dream.

[25:30] They can say retarded because it's Elizabethan England.

[25:32] They were very, very offensive back then.

[25:34] Tasteless.

[25:35] Now, he gets really mad because things don't go right with the Michelin men.

[25:43] They send their food back.

[25:45] He didn't taste the food that went out.

[25:47] He just asked Michelle if it was good.

[25:49] He was too busy having suffered a beating at the hands of some drug dealers.

[25:54] One of his many sins of the past.

[25:57] The drug dealers want their money back, and they show up every now and then, and this one time they beat them up.

[26:01] The weird thing is it's just $2.

[26:02] It's like, you're better off dead.

[26:04] Yeah, I will not give it back.

[26:05] It's the principal, he keeps saying, the principal of the thing.

[26:08] That's when Principal Belding shows up.

[26:10] Me?

[26:12] No, not you, Dennis Haskins.

[26:13] Get out of here.

[26:16] He gets beaten up, and so he's kind of like, oh, what?

[26:19] Michelle sends the food out.

[26:22] They send it back.

[26:23] They say it's too spicy.

[26:24] it turns out michelle put pepper in the food as revenge for the rat trick not hat trick which

[26:33] would have been a great achievement three points yeah in what sport uh hokai okay right or no sorry

[26:41] uh yokai yeah the japanese demons uh so and and he walks out uh-oh this is bad and bradley cooper

[26:50] goes on another bender, he

[26:52] wanders off into the night, gets drunk

[26:54] somewhere, shows up at

[26:56] his rival's

[26:58] restaurant, and

[27:00] attempts to kill himself by sous-viding his own

[27:02] head. Yeah, he sticks his head

[27:04] in a sous-vide bag and just, you

[27:06] know, he just clamps it down, basically.

[27:08] It's one of many... They're just, like, wrestling

[27:10] to get this bag off his head. It's one

[27:12] of many tantrum scenes from Bradley

[27:14] Cooper, and, you know,

[27:16] he does an admirable job of

[27:18] freaking out. Like, he's not

[27:20] If he had been allowed to kill himself, his head meat would be so tender.

[27:24] Well, there's a different version of this movie where, I guess the Brian Fuller version of the movie,

[27:29] where he like, he sous vies his own head and his enemy serves it and has a bunch of puns about it.

[27:36] And then the critic eats it and is like, a million Michelin stars.

[27:42] A million Michelin stars.

[27:44] How ironic, he finally achieved his dream in one form or another.

[27:49] That's the weirdest Crypt Keeper impression I've ever heard.

[27:52] It was not a Crypt Keeper impression.

[27:53] It was just kind of like an ironic thing.

[27:55] He was at the head of his profession.

[27:58] That's pretty good.

[28:00] Yeah, I guess so.

[28:01] I'm just staring off at his face.

[28:04] You can't see me on the podcast, but I'm really, I'm committing.

[28:09] I didn't know I ordered the head of cheese.

[28:11] I'm glad I was sat at the head of the table.

[28:17] I guess the problem was he didn't have his head in the game.

[28:20] Wipe out.

[28:22] That is the song that I have a great video of my son dancing to

[28:31] while I sing it in an annoying way that way.

[28:33] And he refused to let me stop singing it,

[28:36] and I got tired of it before he did.

[28:38] So I guess they say the DNA gets purer with every generation.

[28:42] I'm almost sure I can imagine exactly how he's dancing to that song.

[28:46] I think you've seen it.

[28:47] You've seen his pants off kitchen dance, right?

[28:48] That makes it sound a lot weirder than it was.

[28:52] Just because my two-year-old son after dinner will often ask me to take his pants off so he can dance in the kitchen before his bath.

[28:58] That's the best part is that he needs you.

[29:01] He requires you to remove those pants.

[29:03] He gets really mad if I'm not home when he gets home from playing in the afternoon to take his shoes off.

[29:08] And I'm like, what kind of monster have I created?

[29:10] But anyway.

[29:12] I wish.

[29:13] I mean, I guess I might.

[29:15] want someone to take their shoes off when they get home i i guess that i have the power you know

[29:20] i'm an adult if i want to do a pants off kitchen dance i can do it anytime you want yeah go right

[29:26] now but uh yeah you can do it right now nobody will know except judge me i know i mean i'll put

[29:34] uh we'll cover my eyes probably i'm gonna vine it'll be whatever it'll be distracting hold on

[29:39] guys look at him go

[29:42] propeller huh i didn't realize you were commandoing it damn

[29:50] uh so he goes that was refreshing guys but he does not he does not succeed in cooking his own head

[29:58] uh what's the the story that's in that poe trilogy that fellini was it the man who sold

[30:04] his own head or the man who bet his own head never bet your head to the devil something like

[30:08] Jesus, I don't know.

[30:09] The one with Terrence Stamp in it.

[30:10] Oh, isn't that Toby Dammit?

[30:13] That's the...

[30:15] No, that's a different movie.

[30:18] Anyway, I can't remember the name.

[30:19] There's an anthology poem movie, and Fleen did one of them.

[30:22] I think it's...

[30:24] Yeah, I can't remember what it is.

[30:25] Something about your head and batting or the devil or something.

[30:27] Anyway, the...

[30:28] Terrence Stamp.

[30:29] It was probably Star Wars Episode I of Phantom Menace.

[30:34] Exactly.

[30:34] That's exactly what it was, yes.

[30:38] So, was it turnstamp?

[30:40] No, I can't remember.

[30:41] No, I'm not even sure.

[30:42] So, he does not kill himself.

[30:45] Instead, his enemy says, hey, I made you some scrambled eggs.

[30:48] So, he slept it off.

[30:49] Yeah, it was a real big night situation.

[30:50] And you know what?

[30:52] Our rivalry is good because it pushes me to try harder.

[30:55] Because you're the better chef, but you're forcing me to challenge myself.

[30:57] So, good on you.

[30:58] And Bradley Cooper goes back and he learns a valuable lesson about family

[31:03] because his Sienna Miller chef makes him bake a cake for her daughter's birthday

[31:10] because she has to work on her daughter's birthday.

[31:11] And they find out it wasn't actually the Michelin judges that night.

[31:16] Well, that's that great scene where he flirts with her daughter

[31:20] by licking, frosting off his fingers over and over.

[31:23] He serves her a cake, and she gives him a piece.

[31:25] Daughter is, by the way, like eight, I would say, maybe.

[31:28] Eight and a half.

[31:29] Another Fellini reference.

[31:30] Anyway, yeah, she's a little kid.

[31:33] And he's like, look, the thing is, Bradley Cooper, oh, here's what I was going to say before.

[31:36] I'll say Bradley here.

[31:38] Bradley Cooper doesn't know how to play adorable.

[31:40] He just knows how to play smoldering.

[31:41] So he's just got his heavy-lidded blue eyes looking up at this little girl as he licks frosting off his fingers.

[31:46] It's disgusting.

[31:47] I think it's supposed to be playful.

[31:50] It does not come off like that.

[31:51] No, it comes off as, like, Humbert Humbert would be like, you're grossing me out.

[31:55] This is disgusting.

[31:56] I mean, inherently licking frosting off.

[31:59] I don't know if there's a, I mean, like.

[32:01] The way he does it.

[32:02] An adult looking at a child licking frosting off of the fingers.

[32:06] I don't know if there's a way of doing that that's not creepy.

[32:09] But here's the thing about Bradley Cooper.

[32:11] He plays a man who is losing control in a rage-filled way very well.

[32:17] Like, I don't know anything about his personal life,

[32:20] but he plays it like a guy who knows what it feels like to do that

[32:23] and is able to channel it for roles.

[32:25] And, like, I think he was so good in Silver Linings Playbook

[32:28] partly because he seems to know what it feels like

[32:32] to not totally be in control of yourself

[32:34] and be able to relive that experience.

[32:35] And that's really good acting.

[32:37] I wish he had brought some of that to Aloha, which he didn't.

[32:40] And that was like one of the big weaknesses of that movie.

[32:43] Yeah.

[32:43] But he brings it.

[32:45] And the script.

[32:46] Yeah.

[32:47] Whereas here the weakness is mainly just the script.

[32:49] Yeah.

[32:50] But he finds that it wasn't the real Michelin ones.

[32:53] It's already been established that Tony, who is the guy who.

[32:56] Tony, Tony.

[32:56] Who runs the hotel

[32:58] Where the restaurant is

[32:59] Has done it again

[32:59] What?

[33:00] It feels good

[33:01] Tony, Tony, Tony

[33:03] He

[33:03] That he has a crush

[33:05] On Bradley Cooper

[33:06] He tells Bradley Cooper

[33:07] They weren't Michelin judges

[33:08] They were software engineers

[33:09] From Birmingham

[33:10] And Bradley Cooper's so happy

[33:11] He kisses Tony

[33:12] Which is kind of cruel

[33:13] Which is the cruelest thing

[33:14] You can do to someone

[33:15] Who has a crush on you

[33:16] If you're gay

[33:16] You have a crush on me

[33:17] I'm gonna kiss you once

[33:18] Just know it's never

[33:19] Gonna happen again

[33:20] This is

[33:20] I'm throwing you a bone, buddy

[33:22] Here you go

[33:23] This is what you could have

[33:23] No, it's the opposite

[33:24] Of throwing him a bone

[33:25] He just

[33:25] Well, not the opposite

[33:26] but it's like he just throws him a lips yeah that's right he throws his lips at him uh bradley

[33:32] cooper falls in love with sienna miller's sous chef character uh-huh and or whatever she is chef

[33:38] to whatever yeah kelsey parise dude and call her sue chef over the terrible i wish i thought of it

[33:45] over the course of the next montage he learns to be a better person he starts working as a

[33:51] as a teammate with his chef guys.

[33:53] And then the real,

[33:56] his chef team,

[33:56] his chef,

[33:57] five chef guys.

[33:58] Yeah.

[33:58] Uh,

[34:00] he,

[34:00] the real Michelin judges come in and they,

[34:03] he says,

[34:04] what do they do?

[34:04] What do we do?

[34:05] And Bradley Cooper says,

[34:06] we're just going to do what we do.

[34:08] Like we do every day.

[34:09] And so he's not chasing that star anymore,

[34:12] right?

[34:12] Yeah.

[34:12] He realized,

[34:14] you know what?

[34:14] This is about food is about people because he's Hannibal,

[34:17] the cannibal.

[34:17] Oh,

[34:18] okay.

[34:19] And he's going to cook his own head and eat it himself.

[34:21] The ultimate decadence would be to eat your own head.

[34:24] But he realizes, you know what?

[34:27] It's okay to rely...

[34:28] You mess with the head and you're fed.

[34:30] It's okay to rely on people.

[34:35] And this is what family is all about.

[34:38] Hey, everybody, let's make ourselves a big meal in the kitchen.

[34:40] Because we're great chefs.

[34:41] We should eat some of it.

[34:42] The end.

[34:44] And we do...

[34:45] I don't think we find out if he gets the Michelin stars.

[34:47] No, we do.

[34:47] There's just like a wordless scene where like...

[34:50] You just get the idea that something good happened.

[34:53] Yeah.

[34:53] But they could just as well be smiling because they had a good night working together.

[34:57] Yeah.

[34:57] A big night, if you will.

[34:59] Go watch Big Night instead of this movie.

[35:01] Yeah, that's what he was telling them.

[35:02] He's like, hey, buddy, I watched Big Night last night.

[35:05] He's like, oh, I love that movie.

[35:06] Yeah, this is...

[35:10] So you got a movie about a character who has a history of drug addiction and anger and rage problems

[35:17] and is trying to reestablish himself professionally.

[35:21] And we meet that character

[35:22] after he has theoretically gotten over that stuff.

[35:25] He's hit rock bottom

[35:26] and he's gone through his repentance and atonement,

[35:28] which I assume is this shucking of a million oysters.

[35:30] Yeah.

[35:32] And so now he should be well on the road

[35:35] to being a better person.

[35:36] He is not.

[35:36] And yet we don't see him when he's at his worst.

[35:39] And yet we don't see him struggle to become better.

[35:42] He just, everything just kind of happens.

[35:45] Do you think if this was a heist movie instead of a chef movie, his weird overconfidence and glibness would work?

[35:56] I don't think so, because my problem with the movie isn't even his overconfidence and his glibness.

[36:03] It's that there are little to no obstacles in his path, and any that arise, he overcomes almost instantly, sometimes by throwing a tantrum.

[36:12] Yeah, I mean, the total lack of steaks bothered me.

[36:14] I wish they'd, he keeps mentioning the team.

[36:16] He never cooks steak.

[36:17] Yeah, exactly.

[36:18] Yeah, what's going to get burned

[36:21] if all you're doing is throwing shit in a fucking water bath?

[36:23] So, part of the point is that this character

[36:29] has realized that his team are his family.

[36:33] But aside from Sienna Miller's character,

[36:36] we don't really see anybody else outside work, really.

[36:39] No, there's a couple scenes where he picks people up

[36:41] to join the team

[36:42] and we never see him interact with them

[36:45] in a meaningful way again

[36:46] unless he's yelling at them.

[36:47] The only person who the story of this movie

[36:50] seems to really affect is him.

[36:53] Yeah.

[36:53] We don't know what would happen

[36:55] if they don't do well in the kitchen.

[36:58] Like, are people going to starve?

[37:01] Is the restaurant going to go out of business?

[37:02] I mean, I'm glad that they didn't set up the stakes

[37:05] so high that everyone in the restaurant needed this

[37:07] and there was like 10 stories of woe or something.

[37:10] But yeah, it would have been...

[37:12] Sounds like a Will Eisner comic.

[37:14] The restaurant, colon, 10 stories of woe.

[37:18] And everyone's Yiddish.

[37:22] That's a Jewish deli.

[37:24] I don't know why I was thinking that it was 10 stories of woe.

[37:27] Like, I have an apartment with 10 stories.

[37:29] Yeah, yeah, it's a super sad apartment building.

[37:31] Yeah.

[37:31] All right.

[37:32] It's like a Sideways Stories from Wayside School.

[37:36] That would be a Will Eisner thing.

[37:37] Sad Stories from Wayside School.

[37:39] Sad, wise stories.

[37:40] This student killed themselves.

[37:42] Sad stories from wayside school.

[37:44] Is that one of the whole stories?

[37:47] Like, on one page, that's all it says?

[37:49] Yes.

[37:50] But there's just, there's never a moment when you don't,

[37:56] when you worry about any of the characters,

[37:59] but especially not the hero.

[38:00] And, like, if he was an asshole,

[38:01] but the movie made him pay for it,

[38:03] I would be okay with that.

[38:06] And yet, even the fact that he gets beaten up by drug dealers

[38:08] and almost doesn't get a Michelin star.

[38:13] Like, it never felt like he was being punished for his sins

[38:15] or working to really improve himself.

[38:18] I was surprised at how sympathetic the Tony character was.

[38:23] Yeah.

[38:24] Like, that character I cared about a little bit.

[38:26] The two characters, honestly, that I felt an emotional connection to

[38:30] were Tony, who is reluctantly pulled back into Bradley Cooper's orbit

[38:34] and wishes he knew how to quit him.

[38:37] And his rival...

[38:41] Matthew Rhys.

[38:41] I can never remember Matthew Rhys' first name.

[38:43] Who you're sympathetic with because he had such terrible goatee.

[38:46] Yes, because they had to ugly him up

[38:49] because he's such a charismatic actor

[38:51] with that gross mustache and stubble.

[38:53] But I feel like in the few scenes he's in,

[38:57] he's sketched in a character of someone

[38:59] who has always been second place

[39:02] and could only become first

[39:03] when the other guy destroyed himself.

[39:06] That it was like, oh, this is a guy who is living with the disappointment of like, he's never going to be the best.

[39:12] He is the Dave Mustaine of these characters.

[39:16] Thanks for putting in the words I understand.

[39:18] Like, Megadeth is great, but they're never going to be as big as Metallica.

[39:22] And he could have been in Metallica if he hadn't pissed everybody off and been so mean to, was it Hetfield's dog?

[39:29] Somebody's dog.

[39:29] Yeah.

[39:30] Or was it Dave Mustaine's dog was attacking them?

[39:32] The joke is that he was a mean drunk and everybody else in the band was.

[39:36] was a fun drunk yeah but you should wrap things up we should get onto final judgments whether

[39:40] let's wrap it up in a pastry shell good bad movie a bad bad movie or movie kind of like

[39:44] i'm i'll start and say like i i had a hard time time with this episode i don't know that there's

[39:52] like a lot of like funny shit to say about it uh well yeah like yeah probably it's terrible

[39:59] well no i just i don't i kind of like this movie guys hey that's okay you should have spoken up for

[40:05] it no slagging it i mean look look they came for burnt and i said nothing because i was not burnt

[40:11] then they came for what's another movie you like that you're ashamed of uh probably some sex movie

[40:18] they came for the great bikini off-road adventure and i said nothing because i was not the great

[40:22] bikini off-road adventure and then they came for me and i'm not a movie i'm damn wow twist ending

[40:28] the twistiest he's been in the whole time no i kind of liked it i i thought that all of the

[40:34] acting was good i understand that the character like the main character was totally unlikable

[40:40] but for some reason i still like it was i mean no i get what you're saying this is not a bad

[40:46] movie and it's not it went down kind of easy for me and like i think that if you are someone who

[40:52] cooks a lot which i do it's like the knights or cooks a lot no i just like the food looks good

[41:00] and all of like the stuff surrounding the food like i think it definitely is appealing it hurt

[41:06] my liking of it that i am done with the overdone if you will with the idea of like a bad boy chef

[41:13] and what yeah burnt and watching a lot of like food porn scenes of food being cut up and cooked

[41:18] like i don't like food enough that i get still get a thrill out of that yeah and i don't i'm not

[41:25] enamored of the idea of like celebrity chefs or bad boy chefs so like it had some marks against

[41:30] me right there a lot of that stuff i still like so i mean there's plenty of movies about jobs and

[41:36] worlds that i'm not interested in where i find the movie interesting but this wasn't a terrible

[41:40] movie it's just it's just like a two-star movie you know yeah if you watch it with your mom on a

[41:45] rainy day it's gonna be fine and maybe i mean maybe if i had seen this movie before uh that

[41:53] Jon Favreau chef.

[41:55] Which I thought, I think, handles

[41:57] basically the exact same

[41:59] arc a little bit better

[42:01] and it's a little bit... It's more fun, it's

[42:03] funnier. Yeah. Jon Favreau

[42:05] is not a, like,

[42:07] essentially an Adonis

[42:09] who everybody is in awe of in

[42:11] every scene, so that helps too.

[42:13] He also had more

[42:15] scars on his

[42:17] hands. They put more makeup

[42:19] effect burns and scars on his arms.

[42:21] And every time he tweets, it flies away.

[42:23] yep and uh yeah bradley cooper's character didn't have enough tattoos almost that every very few

[42:29] people in the movie had tattoos which is weird because chefs are covered in tattoos yeah that's

[42:34] how it's like a hobo code i would say ray bradbury's the illustrated man was about a chef

[42:38] i would say i would say this is a bad bad movie but i can like i could see if if if i had heard

[42:47] that this movie had been like actually had been nominated for an award i would kind of get it

[42:53] but i don't i didn't particularly care for it there you go bad bad kind of liked and i

[42:59] don't know that it falls into our classification system

[43:02] hello brent travis welcome to trends like these what's trends like these you ask well it's a

[43:15] podcast where we take the the news trending on the internet and we cover it in podcast form we go

[43:21] beyond the headlines beyond the memes to bring you the real story so that when your friends bring it

[43:26] up you can look real smart we take things that need to be debunked and we debunk them and then

[43:31] we take things that need to be re-bunked and we re-bunk them we bring you all the details and we

[43:36] give you a spin on it our opinions our thoughts and we also try to dig up some positive things

[43:41] to talk about so it's not all bummers just a couple of real life friends talking internet

[43:45] trends so join us every thursday on maximum fun.org and wherever podcasts are found

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[44:25] ashamed uh no the drinks out of a goblet the flop house is supported in spart in spart

[44:32] in sparta supported by supported in sparta by that big hole that they throw all the persians into

[44:39] they say this is a shitty movie and they throw them what 300 that's right that's a fun movie

[44:46] this is usually about a movie where a guy hurls a spear into a rhinoceros's eye and then it slides

[44:51] across the sand and just stops at his feet zach snyder is a visionary director according to movie

[44:58] poster stand uh no this is uh the flop house is supported in part by squarespace the simplest way

[45:07] to create a compelling website from the strange to the downright bizarre great stories define us

[45:12] you should tell yours with simple tools and templates squarespace helps you capture your

[45:19] story with a captivating website you should start your free trial today visit squarespace.com

[45:25] Slash flop

[45:26] You should Squarespace

[45:29] Now, Dan, I have a question about a website

[45:31] Now, Elliot, I want to interrupt you for a second

[45:33] Because you always have one of these crazy website ideas

[45:37] No, no, no, not this time, my friend

[45:39] This time it's a guaranteed moneymaker

[45:41] Okay, I like the sound of that

[45:43] Now, did you have anything you wanted to talk about?

[45:45] Yeah, what I wanted to talk about was this great idea you're going to pitch me

[45:48] Okay, now it's called chimpshowers.com

[45:50] Dan, has this ever happened to you? And I'm sure it has

[45:53] If you're like me, you want a place where you can always reliably turn on a webcam with a chimp, where you can turn a shower on by the internet, and it will get the chimp wet.

[46:05] It's called chimpshowers.com.

[46:07] The chimps love it because they love getting clean.

[46:09] I have a terrible feeling that this is sexual in some way.

[46:13] Nothing sexual about it, Dan.

[46:14] This is purely about using the power of the information superhighway to keep chimps clean and have a little bit of fun while you do it.

[46:21] now i've been having trouble putting the site together so who turned who turns the water on

[46:26] uh it's a it's connected to the internet so you click on okay and it pours on the chimp and the

[46:31] chimp's smiling oh he's going crazy yeah he just takes a shower and you can turn it on and off they

[46:35] hate that turn it on and leave it on until they're done in the shower now will squarespace help me

[46:39] build that site uh it will i mean i think that some of the technical uh things like you know

[46:47] being able to connect a website to a shower that turns on.

[46:50] I have that technology.

[46:51] I just don't know how to put it on the internet.

[46:53] Oh, yeah.

[46:54] If you just need the HTML coding, then Squarespace is the place for you.

[46:58] Do I need to know coding?

[46:59] You don't need to know coding.

[47:00] I think the key would be if I'm going to want to see a chimp taking a shower

[47:04] and controlling the water flow, I'm going to want to be able to do that on the go.

[47:08] I'm going to want to be able to use that on my mobile device.

[47:10] Thank you.

[47:10] Well, you are in luck because Squarespace has responsive design

[47:13] that means that any website looks great on any device,

[47:17] It's a tablet, a phone, your laptop, if you're jacked into the Matrix.

[47:22] So, yes, Stuart, if you say you're walking to work, you're like, I don't know how I'm going to get through today.

[47:27] Oh, wait, let me watch a chimp take a shower.

[47:29] Boom, on your phone.

[47:30] Now, there's also the spinoff site, chimpgoldenshowers.com.

[47:33] We've rented out Uncle Scrooge's actual money van.

[47:36] Oh, wow.

[47:37] And we've turned it into a big shower for chimps to use.

[47:40] Okay.

[47:40] It's a little weird that chimps find it cold to be standing on all those cash coins.

[47:45] But I think they'll get used to it.

[47:47] Like cold in a spiritual sense or in a physical sense?

[47:49] Because they feel like life is not about material possessions and filthy lucre.

[47:53] Life is about, you know, keeping clean spiritually and also with your fur in a shower.

[47:59] And so Squarespace, where would I go to get like a discount on my first month or something?

[48:04] I don't actually know that we have one of those.

[48:07] But we might if you go to squarespace.com slash flop.

[48:11] Well, for the free trial, that's good enough.

[48:14] It's possible that there's a discount, but you might have gotten a little too excited

[48:20] and said a thing that might actually not be true.

[48:23] All right.

[48:23] Well, forget that part.

[48:24] You can cut that out, right?

[48:26] I could, but I'm probably too lazy.

[48:28] Well, for a free trial, I can go to squarespace.com slash flop, right?

[48:32] You can.

[48:32] Okay.

[48:33] Chimpshowers.com.

[48:34] It's the way of the future for bathing chimps, that's for sure.

[48:36] Let's say you got a chimp at home.

[48:38] You're at work.

[48:39] Your chimp's dirty.

[48:40] You can't drive home to wash it.

[48:42] No.

[48:43] get up to your home chimp shower

[48:45] and that we don't know how to do that yet but we're trying to

[48:47] set up the technology yeah baby steps

[48:49] yeah do and as they always say

[48:51] bathe that chimp square space

[48:53] we do have one more

[48:55] sponsor tonight

[48:57] chimpshowers.com

[48:59] what the fuck

[49:00] you've been scooped

[49:02] oh man this is just like

[49:05] Facebook all over again

[49:06] mine was a book of faces

[49:08] from my enemies

[49:10] It's called a yearbook

[49:13] Because I hated all the kids at school

[49:16] The Flophouse tonight

[49:18] Is supported in part by Casper

[49:20] An online retailer of premium

[49:22] Obsessively engineered mattresses

[49:24] For a fraction of the price

[49:26] Casper has a risk free trial

[49:28] And return policy

[49:29] You can try sleeping on a Casper mattress

[49:31] For 100 days

[49:33] With free delivery and painless returns

[49:35] Flophouse listeners can get

[49:37] $50 toward any mattress purchase

[49:39] you can go to casper.com slash flop and use promo code flop at checkout uh now terms and

[49:46] conditions do apply as they always will but that's a great deal because i myself sleep on a casper

[49:52] mattress and how do you like it it is a delight you look well rested you do uh-huh i how about

[49:59] your bench i don't know man oh well let's talk about the mattress then i probably could bench

[50:06] the mattress okay is it that light yeah it is so dan i hear the way you you open it and it kind of

[50:11] folds out yeah how did that work was it did make cool noises like did it did it bust open the

[50:18] windows of the car that you opened it in it comes in a big old box a fat brother's movie yeah or

[50:26] fat boys not fat brothers they weren't brothers they were just boys comes in a box that uh whoa

[50:33] Whoa, slow down, Poindexter.

[50:35] Way too small to contain a mattress, and you take it out.

[50:38] And it shows up, and you're like, this can't be my mattress.

[50:41] This must be an apology.

[50:42] Apology for not having my mattress?

[50:46] Yeah, it's out of stock.

[50:47] You've got to wait on it.

[50:48] But luckily, it's never out of stock.

[50:50] It shows up.

[50:50] And then when it expands, does it make a noise like...

[50:52] Yeah, it goes...

[50:54] You know it's working when you hear that.

[50:59] Caw, caw, caw.

[51:00] Wait, what?

[51:01] And so, Dan, how would you...

[51:03] That's the seagull that's trapped inside your mattress.

[51:05] Ah, production of the seagull.

[51:07] Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

[51:08] Chekhov's.

[51:11] Jonathan Livingston Chekhov's the seagull.

[51:13] So what does it feel like to touch a woman?

[51:17] It feels like angels, rings, and other things.

[51:21] And Archie seems...

[51:22] That could mean anything, though.

[51:24] And does Archie like it, too?

[51:26] Archie's a cat.

[51:27] Archie seems to like it.

[51:28] Archie sleeps with me on the bed, and he seems well-rested,

[51:32] Because he's a little fucking scamp who causes a lot of trouble.

[51:36] Yeah, that's the thing about scamps.

[51:37] They're very well-rested.

[51:39] Dennis the Menace never saw bags under his eyes.

[51:42] No.

[51:43] Heathcliff terrorized the neighborhood, but he always got ten hours of sleep.

[51:46] Yeah, the sleep of the just.

[51:47] He's running around like a maniac, so he probably got some sleep.

[51:50] I don't have the energy that Archie has.

[51:52] Well, he is a young cat, and you are an old man.

[51:54] That's true.

[51:55] Casper mattresses.

[51:57] So Casper mattresses.

[51:58] The young, the old, the cat, the human, they all love it.

[52:01] Use the promo code FLOP at checkout to get $50 toward your mattress purchase.

[52:06] That's a good discount.

[52:07] That's a great discount.

[52:08] Yeah.

[52:08] Before we move on, we have a couple of other messages.

[52:13] We have some messages on the Jumbotron.

[52:16] Jumbotron.

[52:17] Kiss Cam.

[52:18] Jumbotron.

[52:19] Dan and Archie kiss.

[52:20] You probably do kiss Archie.

[52:23] That's okay.

[52:24] He's your pet.

[52:24] I kiss Archie all the time.

[52:25] Yeah.

[52:26] Not on the lips, though.

[52:28] He's got fishy breath.

[52:30] He's got cat herpes.

[52:32] Oh, no.

[52:34] Oh, I got that now, too.

[52:35] He's got kerpes.

[52:36] Kerp your enthusiasm.

[52:38] Jumbotron.

[52:41] This first Jumbotron message is from Love You Like Crazy Podcast.

[52:45] Now, Carrie and Jake are two friends who, every so often, give each other a call and talk about young adult fiction,

[52:53] then release the resulting freewheeling conversations as a podcast.

[53:00] the Flophouse is definitely an inspiration.

[53:02] In their first episode, they talked about Awoken,

[53:05] which is like Twilight, except instead of the male lead being a vampire,

[53:09] he's Cthulhu, a sort of squid monster, old god monster guy.

[53:15] So why don't you go down and subscribe to Love You Like Crazy Podcast.

[53:20] That's love spelled like the word love.

[53:23] Ya spelled like the divine ya-ya sisterhood.

[53:27] Just one ya.

[53:29] Like crazy, like the gods must be crazy podcast on iTunes or wherever or listen to it on love you like crazy dot com.

[53:38] We've got another Jumbotron message.

[53:41] This one is more of the personal type.

[53:43] Do we say who the message is for and who it's from?

[53:46] Yeah, you should.

[53:47] This message is for Devin Ruland.

[53:49] Ruland.

[53:50] It's spelled R-U-E-L-L-A-N-D.

[53:52] Ruland from the Dark Tower series.

[53:55] This is serious, Dan.

[53:57] I'm trying to do this man's name justice.

[53:59] And he probably doesn't want you to talk about your own gunslinger fanfic

[54:05] that you've been writing where Roland finds the,

[54:08] the what's the guy that the man in black and they settle their problems

[54:12] through a game of Yu-Gi-Oh.

[54:15] Wait,

[54:16] what?

[54:16] Yu-Gi-Oh,

[54:17] the collectible card game.

[54:18] Wait,

[54:21] is that what happened from the dark towers?

[54:23] Dance version.

[54:27] now if Devin is not a man and is a woman

[54:29] I apologize

[54:30] I've both mispronounced the name and

[54:33] whatever, anyway, Devin Rowland

[54:35] who is this message from? His lady love

[54:37] Emily, says his right there

[54:38] turns out Devin's a man

[54:40] anyway

[54:42] I'm peeling the layers of this fucking onion

[54:44] I'm learning it step by step

[54:47] now, uh, Emily

[54:49] says to Devin, although it is deeply

[54:51] flawed in many ways, I will concede

[54:53] that Interstellar is a rather fine film

[54:55] happy birthday dev you make my life brighter every day p.s i thought this would be the best

[55:00] way to wish you a happy birthday since you were the one who introduced me to the flop house

[55:03] in the first dang place that's very sweet thanks for using the jumbotron emily devin happy birthday

[55:09] interstellar it sounds like you guys had an argument about it so did me and my wife who i

[55:14] love deeply so i guess interstellar is the movie that brings people together your wife christopher

[55:18] nolan i'm genuinely curious who took which position on the interstellar oh i liked it

[55:26] she didn't like it yeah all right uh yeah my wife and i were both kind of lukewarm on it and

[55:31] then the next day we're like oh wow we're still thinking about this huh stuck with the way homer

[55:35] you know and that it's out of the park sports joke now is the time on the podcast where we

[55:46] read some letters from listeners uh listeners like you question mark could be did you send

[55:52] something in then you might be one of these people but if not probably not because i don't

[55:58] have psychic powers anyway that's my introduction to the concept of reading letters no song necessary

[56:05] so this first elliot's truck dumb this first letter is from jim last name with held devon

[56:15] to write in and tell me how to pronounce his last name.

[56:16] I feel like I want to get that pronunciation right.

[56:18] Alright, I mean

[56:20] sure. He can send

[56:23] in one of those WAV files.

[56:24] No, just spell it phonetically.

[56:26] That's right. I guess that would be easier.

[56:29] So if you're listening, Devin, call in

[56:33] with a WAV file. To 1-800

[56:35] FLOP NUMBER.

[56:36] We'll just be quiet and wait by the phone

[56:38] because I don't want to miss the call.

[56:40] Yep, we don't have answering machines.

[56:42] So this is from

[56:44] jim last name withheld who writes my boyfriend says that ask prudence gets a ton of mail so i'm

[56:50] asking you to my parents have invited me asking us if ask prudence gets a ton of mail i assume

[56:55] my parents have invited my agnostic boyfriend to church a couple of times and he's declined each

[57:03] time i'm a christian and i think he should not go because he's not interested in church and i'm not

[57:08] interested in converting him unfortunately my parents were probably open-minded my parents

[57:13] will probably discourage our relationship if they find out he's agnostic my boyfriend is willing to

[57:17] pretend he's christian but i don't think he should have to i have doubts that he will be convincing

[57:22] i can tell my parents the truth or continue making my excuses for why he can't make it

[57:28] but this isn't going away tonight my mom invited him to a nativity performance what should i do

[57:33] flophouse also my boyfriend loves the podcast introduced way too late i'm working my way

[57:38] through the archives listening to you guys at work we're both huge fans of the show and watched

[57:41] Castle Freak together. Thanks, guys.

[57:43] Jen, last name withheld. I mean, if you still believe

[57:45] in a god after watching Castle Freak, and that god's

[57:48] name isn't Jeffrey Combs,

[57:49] I don't know what's going on. Now be careful

[57:51] with going back through our back catalog, because

[57:53] it gets a little seamy.

[57:55] A little?

[57:57] I like this, I have doubts

[57:59] that he'll be convincing. He's like,

[58:00] I like this Jesus

[58:03] of yours. Mmm, good wine.

[58:05] Another, please.

[58:06] Hit me again,

[58:09] Barkeep. Here's the thing.

[58:11] I'm going to say a couple things.

[58:12] Good book.

[58:12] I thought it was a great book.

[58:13] First, thanks for listening to the show and enjoying it,

[58:16] and thanks for writing in.

[58:17] As an agnostic, it means he's not sure, right?

[58:21] He doesn't know if there's a God.

[58:23] So shouldn't he expose himself to religion as a way of trying to kindle the fire

[58:28] and see if there's anything in faith there for him?

[58:30] We're not talking Richard Dawkins here.

[58:31] You're not dating Ricky Gervais, I feel like.

[58:34] Name another guy named Rich or Ricky, who's an atheist.

[58:38] Ricky Martin.

[58:40] Not an atheist, Ricky Martin.

[58:41] Ricky Ricardo?

[58:42] Yeah.

[58:45] Give it a...

[58:46] I'd say...

[58:46] Ravishing Rick Rude?

[58:48] Rick Rubin?

[58:50] Give it a shot and he should go once, see if it touches him at all, spiritually.

[58:58] It might help him understand your faith better as well.

[59:01] And why it's important in your life if you consider yourself a Christian.

[59:04] I don't think he needs to pretend he's Christian, but, you know, he can go once or twice.

[59:08] I think that's the concern, though, is that if her parents find out that he is agnostic, they might discourage the relationship, which would be too bad.

[59:16] Which would be too bad, and at that point you'd probably have a hard decision to make, and it's difficult.

[59:22] But I guess if he's going to one of these things as a way – if he goes to one of these things.

[59:28] One of these things.

[59:30] But if he's going as a way to, like, deepen their relationship and understand her faith better, if they don't understand that, you need to get one of those parental—

[59:41] Divorces?

[59:42] Divorces.

[59:42] You've got an irreconcilable differences situation on your hands, my man.

[59:47] What if he goes and he pretends to be super Christian?

[59:52] Like he has a big giant foam finger that says Jesus number one.

[59:56] Yeah, he's a fucking shaker and he starts flipping out.

[59:58] He's just making chairs and shit.

[1:00:00] He's carving furniture for them.

[1:00:03] I think you're thinking of a Quaker.

[1:00:04] Shakers make furniture, too.

[1:00:06] But if they're always shaking.

[1:00:09] When you're totally abstinent, you've got to find things to do.

[1:00:12] I'm just saying that he laps them.

[1:00:14] You know, he goes all in.

[1:00:17] He calls their bluff.

[1:00:18] Calls their bluff?

[1:00:19] That's right.

[1:00:20] I thought I believed in Jesus.

[1:00:22] You're Christian, I'm Christian.

[1:00:23] I thought I had faith in the everlasting life promised by Christ,

[1:00:27] but i'm not up to his level that's gonna backfire because her parents will see him being a crazy

[1:00:33] christian they'll be like oh wow we have to be crazy christians now like there's that sketch

[1:00:37] crazy christians that was that aired on studio 60 and it made me feel so bad about everything

[1:00:43] here's the other thing is he gonna go to a live nativity yeah there's gonna be real animals on

[1:00:47] stage right that's what it means right i assume there's gonna be like a camel and a donkey up

[1:00:52] there go you're gonna be a baby i bet that baby won't act as good as i did yeah it's like he's

[1:00:58] not gonna be wearing a gold diaper he's being born in a manger for crying out loud that makes

[1:01:02] you feel good about humanity uh i don't know how good about humanity well makes you interested in

[1:01:08] it interested in a petting zoo wait so people go i wasn't sure about humanity before but now

[1:01:15] is it before after the wise men come in that when that and jesus is born that people come up on

[1:01:19] stage and pet the animals i was thinking about after the service you go up and pet the animals

[1:01:25] you're like i love your performance and get oh you were very convincing don't give the donkey

[1:01:31] time to relax and decompress after a show no go up and pet him yeah he's gonna flip out he doesn't

[1:01:37] want to go to the bar with the rest of the cast no no keep him on stage so everyone can touch him

[1:01:41] you're like can i take a picture with you mr donkey he's like no no i don't do that no pictures

[1:01:45] Just wait outside by the entrance.

[1:01:46] Maybe he'll sign your playbill.

[1:01:47] My handler will have to take that carrot because I'm a Scientologist.

[1:01:52] I don't know what that means.

[1:01:57] So I think the real thing is, what does it mean for your relationship?

[1:02:00] Yeah.

[1:02:01] I hope we were helpful.

[1:02:04] We turned into a Bibbamb there for a second.

[1:02:07] Into Bibbendum?

[1:02:08] The Michelin Man?

[1:02:09] Oh, no.

[1:02:10] All three of us were one Bibbendum?

[1:02:12] Right.

[1:02:13] I guess I'll be a leg.

[1:02:15] i call the head dan you're the belly oh uh so this that's the star part email is from

[1:02:25] more like snail mail the way he's reading it this is from miss first name withheld rogers

[1:02:31] uh who says kenny i was listening to the passion play episode being discussed and i had a revelation

[1:02:39] about a confusing celebrity encounter i had a few years back since you guys caused that revelation

[1:02:44] i was excited to share it i was at a bar late in the evening in my hometown i was leaving the

[1:02:49] bathroom and i accidentally ran into another patron when i looked up to apologize i was

[1:02:54] i was surprised to be looking at bill murray i did the super cool response of oh bill murray

[1:03:02] from caddyshack and then i went back to my friends i mentioned seeing them and they said that there

[1:03:09] was a private party in one side of the room consisting of him mickey rourke and megan fox

[1:03:14] this seemed like the weirdest grouping of people i could imagine having a get together i thought to

[1:03:19] myself why were these people hanging out and why were they hanging out in our small local bar

[1:03:23] i assumed this would always be a mystery to me when i heard in your podcast that they were all

[1:03:28] together in passion play i thought that must be the reason they were together the timing of my

[1:03:32] encounter matched to when the movie would have been filmed then a tiny bit more research showed

[1:03:37] the movie was filmed partially in my town.

[1:03:39] The entire thing made sense

[1:03:41] after that. Thanks for helping me make

[1:03:43] sense of my life. Felicitations

[1:03:45] Miss First Name Withheld Rogers.

[1:03:47] I'm glad we could help solve that history mystery.

[1:03:49] Yeah.

[1:03:50] We're three real encyclopedia rounds.

[1:03:53] I mean, not that

[1:03:55] we solved the mystery ourselves.

[1:03:57] It sounds like you got more joy out of Passion Play

[1:03:59] than I remember getting, but it was a long time

[1:04:01] ago.

[1:04:02] I think by having encountered Bill Murray

[1:04:05] She is the person who got the most out of passion.

[1:04:08] Yeah.

[1:04:08] I just,

[1:04:10] I can't imagine what it would be like to be like,

[1:04:13] to have no context for it and go into a bar and see that Bill Murray and

[1:04:19] Mickey work and Megan Fox were all hanging out together.

[1:04:22] I would have at the very least ordered a friend.

[1:04:24] I don't ordered like an appetizer platter and send it over to him.

[1:04:27] Some calamari,

[1:04:29] Bill Murray,

[1:04:30] Megan Fox.

[1:04:32] Yeah.

[1:04:32] They look like they're in the appetizers.

[1:04:34] I don't know if this is a bar necessarily as calamari.

[1:04:37] It's a bar food.

[1:04:40] What kind of, does it design?

[1:04:41] In Italy, maybe.

[1:04:42] In Italy?

[1:04:44] Yeah, let me go down to.

[1:04:45] In Italy.

[1:04:46] In Italy, definitely.

[1:04:47] At the seafood counter.

[1:04:48] Speaking of, Mario Batali, of Eataly fame, the executive chef consultant for Burns.

[1:04:56] Oh, he was.

[1:04:57] That's why Bradley Cooper was always wearing orange Crocs.

[1:05:01] Yep.

[1:05:03] He had orange crocodiles on his feet.

[1:05:04] That would be a smooth move to send him over an app platter.

[1:05:08] No, I thought to send him over some orange crocs.

[1:05:11] Like, put these on, you're going to feel like a million bucks.

[1:05:15] You're going to feel like Mario Batali.

[1:05:17] Here you go, Murray, Rourke, and Fox.

[1:05:19] Have a few mozzarella sticks.

[1:05:22] What a weird law of his, that would be Murray, Rourke, and Fox.

[1:05:26] Some mozzarella sticks on me.

[1:05:29] Get him some extra dipping sauce.

[1:05:32] yeah put a put a big tub of marinara on there not just the little cup a little one

[1:05:37] yeah mcguire's fingers are weird so he has trouble getting in there

[1:05:42] bring him the five gallon bucket of marinara give him a little syrup pitcher

[1:05:48] so this last letter of the evening is from wyatt notsonak who writes

[1:05:56] warning contains spoilers for friday the 13th part 3 a movie that came out over 30 years ago

[1:06:05] okay spoil away dear peaches recently i have been very sick and thus stuck at home there's nothing

[1:06:11] left to do except all 12 watch all 12 friday the 13th movies in succession like you do so that's

[1:06:18] what i'm doing i'm sure all three of you know the canon of the jason universe is not exactly air

[1:06:24] tight but a few things in particular stuck out to me it's one of those old antique cannons with a

[1:06:29] crack you know that explodes when you try to use it first of all who is that zombie woman who jumps

[1:06:33] out and grabs the final girl off the boat at the end of part three it can't be old lady vorhees

[1:06:38] because she got her head cut off second how does jason come back to life the first time after he

[1:06:44] drowns as a child on the wiki says it says he quote somehow comes back to life but in an extended

[1:06:51] Universe comic book where Jason, Freddy,

[1:06:53] and Ash from Evil Dead meet, it is revealed

[1:06:55] that Mrs. Voorhees used the Necronomicon

[1:06:57] to resurrect him. I was wondering

[1:07:00] if you guys had any thoughts on this.

[1:07:01] That's a goof. I mean, it's

[1:07:03] speculation. Also, we

[1:07:05] have Freddy vs. Jason and Alien vs.

[1:07:07] Predator, but will we ever see

[1:07:10] Freddy vs. Aysen?

[1:07:11] Aysen?

[1:07:12] It's an alien that got through Jason's chest

[1:07:18] and now there's a hockey mask.

[1:07:19] It's an alien that took the form of Jason.

[1:07:21] Will we ever see

[1:07:23] Ace in

[1:07:24] What will we have to do on that test Jason

[1:07:28] Ace in

[1:07:29] Ace in Jason

[1:07:31] That's what they call me because I get A's on every test

[1:07:34] You are the least cool boy in school Jason

[1:07:36] Ace in Jason

[1:07:38] Will we ever

[1:07:39] Let me snap the sunglass addition

[1:07:41] To my regular glasses

[1:07:43] Alright feeling cool

[1:07:46] Jason I'm not going to the prom with you

[1:07:48] Will we ever see

[1:07:50] freddie versus alien or jason versus predator be interesting because the alien i assume has no

[1:07:56] dreams so how is freddie gonna get to them yeah i feel like freddie versus predator would make

[1:08:01] more sense because the yeah yeah alien race i'm assuming has some kind of dream yeah they

[1:08:08] dreams of hunting also are you guys excited for the friday the 13th video game it's supposed to

[1:08:14] be like evolve except one player just jason and the others are counselors sincerely why it not

[1:08:18] Now, Stuart, I assume you have some feelings on various questions that have been asked.

[1:08:24] Let me remind you.

[1:08:25] You're under oath.

[1:08:26] Number one, who's the old lady zombie woman who jumps out and grabs the final girl off the boat at the end of part three?

[1:08:36] I mean, I think that's supposed to be Jason's mom because part three is fucking stupid.

[1:08:39] And it's like the worst one of the batch.

[1:08:41] Next takes Manhattan, which is probably the total worst.

[1:08:44] What about In Space?

[1:08:45] In Space is better than those.

[1:08:48] so you uh you reject yes you're right manhattan is pretty bad yeah manhattan's not very good you

[1:08:54] reject the idea that it can't be old lady vorhees because she got her head cut off i'm saying it is

[1:08:59] old lady it's meant to be her it shouldn't be though if jason can be both a little zombie kid

[1:09:04] and a huge hulking death demon then she can be a headless woman and a headed woman exactly

[1:09:09] uh all right so how does jason come back to life the first time after he drowns as a child

[1:09:15] For some reason, right?

[1:09:16] Yeah, he somehow comes back to life.

[1:09:20] Yeah, somehow comes back to life.

[1:09:21] It's in there in the text.

[1:09:23] Ask and answer.

[1:09:26] Yeah, that's the problem with people just trying to comb through and create subtext.

[1:09:31] It's pretty clear.

[1:09:32] Here's the thing about the Friday the 13th movies.

[1:09:35] They're not meant to be taken literally.

[1:09:37] They're metaphors for how we should live life.

[1:09:39] How so?

[1:09:42] By killing people.

[1:09:44] With hockey mats on.

[1:09:45] And talking about a video game, I wonder what the video game part of playing it.

[1:09:49] Sure, Mario Kart, great game.

[1:09:50] I'm talking about a video game.

[1:09:52] Mario Batali Kart, where it's full of baguettes and, I don't know, spaghettis.

[1:09:56] And who's Mario Batali's evil brother?

[1:09:58] Wario Batali?

[1:09:59] I don't think they're brothers, are they?

[1:10:01] I think they're just enemies.

[1:10:02] I don't remember how they're related.

[1:10:03] Luigi is their brother.

[1:10:04] Luigi Batali is his brother, yeah.

[1:10:06] And there's Batali Toads.

[1:10:08] He wears green Crocs.

[1:10:08] Green Crocs, yeah.

[1:10:10] He's a little taller.

[1:10:11] And Batali Toads.

[1:10:12] When he jumps, he floats around a little bit.

[1:10:14] I'm trying to make a Battletoads joke.

[1:10:16] Oh, okay.

[1:10:16] You know, I want to apologize.

[1:10:19] You know what, this podcast is over.

[1:10:21] I want to apologize for a previous episode

[1:10:23] where I said Gary Shandling was going to be cast

[1:10:27] as an elderly Battletoad in the Battletoads movie.

[1:10:30] Because Gary Shandling has passed away.

[1:10:33] He's passed away.

[1:10:34] He hadn't yet passed when you said that.

[1:10:37] It's totally okay.

[1:10:38] Everyone's going to die at some point.

[1:10:39] If you're going to take back every joke you've made

[1:10:41] about somebody after they die,

[1:10:43] it's just going to be every joke.

[1:10:44] Only make jokes about babies, because they're going to outlive you.

[1:10:47] So, I hope, in a perfect world, that's correct.

[1:10:51] Yeah.

[1:10:51] So, Gary Shandling, if I see you...

[1:10:54] And, yeah, they've got thick skins.

[1:10:56] If I see you at the Crossroads, Gary, I'm sorry.

[1:10:59] If anything, I find that more offensive.

[1:11:03] Oh, yeah, play Crossroads, Dan.

[1:11:04] Can you edit in Crossroads by Bone Thugs-Harmony right there?

[1:11:07] Sure.

[1:11:08] So, you won't be lonely.

[1:11:12] Why do we have to die?

[1:11:13] So you won't be alone.

[1:11:15] Okay.

[1:11:17] So we've had a lot of goof-em-ups tonight, guys.

[1:11:20] We have had a lot of goof-em-ups.

[1:11:21] Now what's the next part of this podcast?

[1:11:23] Good segue.

[1:11:25] The next part of this podcast is where we recommend movies that we actually kind of like.

[1:11:31] Or even more than kind of like.

[1:11:33] That you should watch with your eye holes.

[1:11:36] Or your eyes.

[1:11:38] Put some eyes in those holes.

[1:11:42] You know, I have not had a chance to watch much in the way of movies since the last time we were together recording.

[1:11:52] Why don't you pick a movie you've watched at some point in the distant past?

[1:11:55] What's your favorite movie?

[1:11:56] What's my favorite movie?

[1:11:58] Mm-hmm.

[1:11:59] If you say stop making sense, I will crush this beer can.

[1:12:04] We all know it's The Ruttles.

[1:12:07] have i ever recommended it's chairman of the board starring carrot top

[1:12:12] it's cops and robersons let's say that i'm gonna recommend was it man of the house the chevy chase

[1:12:20] john taylor thomas uh uh blockbuster it's mr wrong the bill pullman ellen degeneres movie

[1:12:27] getting even with dad starring macaulay culkin and ted danson did he ever get even with him uh

[1:12:33] He did, he did in the end, yeah.

[1:12:34] In some way, years of neglect, it's hard to get even with.

[1:12:38] I'm sure I recommended this before, but...

[1:12:41] It was Life with Mikey, starring Michael J. Fox.

[1:12:43] In case I haven't, let me recommend

[1:12:45] then His Girl Friday,

[1:12:48] my favorite of the screwball comedies.

[1:12:50] Interesting.

[1:12:51] It's got Cary Grant, Rosalind Russell,

[1:12:55] based on the Ben Hecht play,

[1:12:58] and Charles MacArthur play.

[1:12:59] Everyone forgets Charles MacArthur.

[1:13:02] Yeah, well, because he didn't do as much as Ben Hack.

[1:13:06] Great.

[1:13:07] Doesn't mean he didn't write the play.

[1:13:09] Look, a lot of people like bringing up baby.

[1:13:14] That's fine.

[1:13:15] You can like bringing up baby.

[1:13:16] No, you can't.

[1:13:17] I'm not such a fan of bringing up baby.

[1:13:19] And that's because in bringing up baby, everyone is crazy.

[1:13:23] Stop bringing up bringing up baby.

[1:13:25] And if there's a crazy.

[1:13:30] Listeners couldn't see the eyebrow raise.

[1:13:32] Just one eyebrow went up when Stuart said baby, and that sold the bit.

[1:13:36] That put the stake through the vampire's heart, as far as I was concerned.

[1:13:41] If you're living in a world where everybody's crazy, then nothing's crazy, and then nothing's funny.

[1:13:46] You've got to live in a world where there's rules, and you press against those rules to make comedy.

[1:13:53] and the great thing about his girl friday is it has an airtight uh farcical plot that helps put

[1:14:02] over the screwball comedy and uh i'm not going to say a lot more about it but if you haven't seen it

[1:14:06] it's a treat so uh carrie grant is super charming check it out his girl friday howard hawks howard

[1:14:17] hawks one of the greatest american directors of all time real jerk though was he apparently

[1:14:24] wow can you sue us for libel nope dead for i mean almost 40 years at this point famously

[1:14:32] uh on his girl friday he uh timed the dialogue with a stopwatch and had people uh you know

[1:14:41] overlap their dialogue which was not a thing that was done at the time so that's uh an innovation

[1:14:47] you can trace back to that huh that's something sure yeah if that won't get someone to watch it

[1:14:52] i don't know what will so i'm running out of steam guys i think you can see it in my eyes

[1:14:58] so speaking of overlapping dialogue with a stopwatch raves

[1:15:02] that's an innovation right that's something come on

[1:15:10] I'm giving you all I got here.

[1:15:15] Go see His Girl Friday.

[1:15:18] Dan McCoy says, that's something, right?

[1:15:20] I'm running out of steam, says Dan McCoy.

[1:15:25] So I finally got around to watching a western from 1971 that I'd never seen before called McCabe and Mrs. Miller.

[1:15:36] Directed by a fellow named Robert Altman, which means old man in German.

[1:15:41] Alternate man.

[1:15:42] Oh, I never thought about that.

[1:15:45] So this Altman fellow.

[1:15:47] It sounds like a low-budget science fiction movie from like Full Moon Entertainment, Robert the Alternate Man.

[1:15:52] He slapped together low-budget Full Moon Entertainment.

[1:15:55] What are you talking about?

[1:15:56] So he put together this little western based on a novel named McCabe.

[1:16:04] And this is a story of a gambler type with a mysterious past who ends up forming an alliance with a kind of a woman of ill repute as they kind of –

[1:16:21] A madam, yeah.

[1:16:22] They played by – so played by Warren Beatty and Julie Christie.

[1:16:25] They both play the madam?

[1:16:26] Like one of them is the front, one is the back?

[1:16:30] Yep.

[1:16:30] While she's on his shoulders in a trench coat?

[1:16:33] Mm-hmm.

[1:16:34] And so they set up their various enterprises

[1:16:38] in a burgeoning town in the West.

[1:16:41] And while their enterprise kind of starts to flourish,

[1:16:47] the town around them flourishes,

[1:16:49] and his past kind of comes to the fore

[1:16:53] when a rival enterprise kind of moves in.

[1:16:56] You guys have seen this movie.

[1:16:59] It's great, right?

[1:16:59] It's a great movie.

[1:17:00] I've never seen it before.

[1:17:01] Can you fill in anything that I totally missed?

[1:17:03] That is another one of the greatest American directors.

[1:17:05] I mean, it's a great example.

[1:17:06] The sound in it is a little muddy.

[1:17:08] Overlapping dialogue there, too.

[1:17:09] Yes, but the sound is a little muddy and the image is a little muddy

[1:17:13] because it was not processed properly when the film was literally made.

[1:17:17] I thought that was a choice by them.

[1:17:19] It was not completely a choice, but it works for the movie.

[1:17:22] And the score is by Leonard Cohen.

[1:17:23] There's a bunch of songs by him that are really good.

[1:17:25] And the acting's great.

[1:17:28] The story's great.

[1:17:29] The characters are really rich.

[1:17:30] And it's one of the few Altman films that finds a really tight structure by the end of it.

[1:17:37] And the ending I find so affecting and so beautiful.

[1:17:40] And it's a movie that, I mean, having read up on the movie since watching it, it's referred to as an anti-Western.

[1:17:48] And I think that kind of fits in that it takes the traditional idea of that smaller conflict of the gunfighter up against rival gunfighters.

[1:17:58] And it kind of makes the story of the hero less important than the story of the town as a whole.

[1:18:06] It starts out as a story of a con man trying to get ahead any way he can.

[1:18:11] And it ends up being the story of a community being born.

[1:18:14] And it's a really beautiful movie.

[1:18:16] It's really good.

[1:18:17] It's got a ton of Robert Altman's stable cast, Shelley Duvall.

[1:18:21] And Odo from Deep Space Nine.

[1:18:23] Rene Auberginois.

[1:18:25] Yeah, and Keith Carradine.

[1:18:26] In Keith Carradine's first role.

[1:18:28] Yeah, and it's just a really good, like that's top five Westerns.

[1:18:33] And Warren Beatty's character, McCabe, is such a great,

[1:18:36] like such an awesome Western hero that I don't know if I've seen

[1:18:41] that character be the lead in a Western before.

[1:18:44] A character who seems very confident until he's kind of alone

[1:18:49] and kind of out of his element and he's kind of revealed to be

[1:18:53] kind of a man of indecision.

[1:18:56] Yeah.

[1:18:56] It's a really good movie

[1:18:59] The Cave in Mrs. Miller

[1:19:00] Elliot

[1:19:03] I'll recommend a movie too

[1:19:04] Hey

[1:19:05] What a surprise

[1:19:07] A movie I recently saw

[1:19:09] That I had been putting off

[1:19:10] Seeing for a long time

[1:19:11] But I liked a lot

[1:19:12] When I saw it

[1:19:12] Is The Tin Drum

[1:19:14] The German movie

[1:19:15] Die Blechstrommel?

[1:19:16] Mm-hmm

[1:19:16] Die Blechstrommel

[1:19:17] Directed by Volker Schlondorf

[1:19:20] And it's

[1:19:22] For people who aren't

[1:19:22] I've never read the book

[1:19:23] But I liked it

[1:19:24] I know Stuart's a fan of it

[1:19:25] It's great, yeah

[1:19:25] It's the story of a boy who at age three.

[1:19:28] Volker Schlondorff.

[1:19:30] That's his name.

[1:19:31] That's his most German name.

[1:19:33] Unless it was like Gustav Heinholz.

[1:19:36] But the Fritz Krautdeutsche.

[1:19:42] But he is, it's about a boy who is born around the time of the first,

[1:19:49] no, and actually, what time?

[1:19:51] Like after the first world war, but before the second world war.

[1:19:54] He was born in like the early 20s, and at age three, he makes the decision that he is not going to grow anymore because adults are dumb, and the world of adults is crazy and irrational.

[1:20:05] And instead, he will stay a three-year-old and communicate mainly by banging a tin drum and screaming so high-pitched and loud that glass shatters.

[1:20:15] And over the course of the next 15 years or so, the film follows – the book, I guess, goes longer, but follows his life as he is – everything is turned upside down both by his choice to remain a small child and also by the horrible events going on in the world and in Germany as the Nazis come to power.

[1:20:36] And it's one of these movies that was shot in Europe in like the 70s, 80s period, late 70s, early 80s, that looks really good.

[1:20:44] Like the colors are really good.

[1:20:46] There's a lot of great visuals and shots in it.

[1:20:49] There's some very strange scenes because he becomes interested and attracted to a female love interest even though he's still in the body of a kid.

[1:20:59] And I know that that scene got it briefly banned on video in Oklahoma.

[1:21:05] i think it was for a few months or a couple years but it's okay to watch it now but uh it's just a

[1:21:10] and it's it's it's it's a really it's only weird in context i think well it's only weird out of

[1:21:17] context oh i guess if you see the scene in context it it makes perfect sense but seen out of context

[1:21:22] you're like why is that kid doing that but uh it's a surprisingly funny movie in a lot of places but

[1:21:29] overall sad movie but it's it's that uh that european kind of grim humor and i think and with

[1:21:36] like a definitely a touch of magical realism very much so yeah there's a uh which is as we've talked

[1:21:42] about in the show is very difficult to capture in a film and i think i think the tendrum kind of does

[1:21:48] it yeah they managed to pull it off very nicely in the way that a movie like uh um winter's tale

[1:21:55] that we talked about winter's tale was the one that came to mind but that's more of an out and

[1:21:58] out fantasy but like there's a lot of movies that try for it and don't quite pull it off i know that

[1:22:04] like almodovar is someone who goes for it and i feel like he pulls it off some of the time but

[1:22:09] not all the time but so the tin drum but of all these movies go see mccabe and mrs miller

[1:22:14] so he's got the strongest recommendation then his girl friday usual for a laugh hold on and then

[1:22:20] tin drum number three all right i mean i could argue that but that's fine i'm just saying

[1:22:26] personal choice but that's only partly because i've seen his girl friday probably 15 times at

[1:22:31] this point yeah um so now what do we do dan is this the part where we talk about the movie we

[1:22:38] saw tonight it's called burnt and boy was it whole howdy everybody order some chinese put some coffee

[1:22:45] on it's gonna be a long night uh no this is the part of the podcast where we say hey we're gonna

[1:22:52] stop this podcast it's not going to be in your ears in a few seconds or more than a few seconds

[1:22:58] but you get the idea you can drag it over to the little garbage icon so dan what are some

[1:23:02] slip it right in there what are some ideas just slip it right in there

[1:23:05] so what what could people do after they finish listening to the podcast so we're going to end

[1:23:11] the podcast in about a minute 30 seconds go over to flophousepodcast.com and leave a review on

[1:23:17] yelp or something maybe they should leave a review on itunes we're so close to a thousand

[1:23:21] reviews on itunes i just want it to happen yeah put one star super shitty podcast no done give us

[1:23:29] eight michelin stars wow then we can stop being boozy badass you know bad boys uh me i'll never

[1:23:37] stop being a boozy bad boy and then maybe when they're done with the podcast and they leave

[1:23:41] their review they can just go on with their lives you know experience the perpetual pageant that is

[1:23:47] reality just get out there man the wondrous surprises that are in store for you just get

[1:23:51] out there you can't live your life through your ears that's for sure in many ways just try stuffing

[1:23:58] a pizza in that thing it's not gonna get to your tummy yeah so you know just like go out there and

[1:24:06] live just live life man just find the next person you see and say like hey i want to relate to you

[1:24:12] from one human being to another,

[1:24:13] they're going to want to leave.

[1:24:15] I want to give you a kiss if you're into it,

[1:24:18] and they won't be.

[1:24:19] But you'll have given them the option,

[1:24:22] and that's okay.

[1:24:23] The important thing is consent.

[1:24:24] By offering it,

[1:24:26] you'll only be marginally creating

[1:24:27] an atmosphere of fear and tension.

[1:24:30] Guys, just go out there and live.

[1:24:31] Just live, you know?

[1:24:33] Just be.

[1:24:33] Be like Jim Carrey in Yes Man

[1:24:35] and just say yes to everything.

[1:24:36] Yeah, but don't be like Jim Carrey in Yes Man.

[1:24:39] Be better than that.

[1:24:41] I thought that was Liar Liar.

[1:24:42] No, that's where he couldn't lie.

[1:24:44] Oh, but why is it called Liar Liar?

[1:24:46] It's ironic.

[1:24:47] Oh.

[1:24:48] The same reason Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,

[1:24:51] all their minds were full of spots, and it was nighttime.

[1:24:53] But most importantly, for the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:24:59] Well, I've been Stuart Wellington, partner.

[1:25:02] And awed by Stuart's J. On Wayne impression, I'm Ellie Kalin.

[1:25:07] Good night, everyone.

[1:25:11] just non-stop play that's la it's ad for the uh the sex sex website that we're out of

[1:25:32] archie is now literally throwing himself against the door to try to get out i mean you can let

[1:25:37] him out as long as he doesn't jump on my lap and claw

[1:25:39] my legs. He makes no promises.

[1:25:41] I don't know why he does that. Is my penis

[1:25:43] made out of mice, Dan?

[1:25:45] Why does this cat want to be in my lap so badly?

[1:25:47] Zip, take a look.

[1:25:49] Oh, wow.

[1:25:51] That's a very mouse

[1:25:53] mouse-generated

[1:25:55] penis.

[1:25:56] Your penis is squeak, right?

[1:25:59] Like mine? Squeak, squeak, squeak.

[1:26:01] And you feed it cheese?

[1:26:07] Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

[1:26:09] Listener supported.

[1:26:11] Hi, I'm Mark.

[1:26:12] And I'm Hal, and we're the hosts of We Got This.

[1:26:14] The show that offers definitive answers to dumb debates that you suggest.

[1:26:19] Every Wednesday we discuss the hot button topics you never knew you cared so much about.

[1:26:23] Like whether you should put ketchup on a hot dog.

[1:26:25] What's the best Star Wars movie?

[1:26:27] Whether it's better to be too hot or too cold.

[1:26:29] Coke or Pepsi?

[1:26:30] Best Marvel movie.

[1:26:32] Which is the best religion?

[1:26:33] I told you we're not doing that one.

[1:26:35] So join us every week on MaximumFun.org.

[1:26:38] And don't worry, everyone.

[1:26:40] We got this.

Ep. #202 - Burnt

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