Ep. #203 - Look Who's Talking Now

Stuart Wellington

[0:00] On tonight's episode, we watched Look Who's Talking Now.

[0:04] That's right, listeners.

[0:06] The Flophouse goes straight to the dogs.

[0:10] Because there's dogs in the movie.

[0:12] Because it's a movie with dogs.

[0:13] Yeah.

[0:15] All right.

[0:16] I did it.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to The Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[0:44] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:45] And you know I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:48] And you probably had a premonition that Elliot Kalin would be here.

Stuart Wellington

[0:51] Well, you were right.

[0:52] That's right.

[0:53] We're The Flophouse Podcast.

[0:55] Starring.

Elliott Kalan

[0:56] They're.

[0:57] Us.

[0:58] In The Flophouse.

[1:00] The original.

[1:00] Flop.

[1:01] Bad Boys of Flopcasting.

[1:03] I think the only Bad Boys of Flopcasting, which also makes us the only good boys of Flopcasting.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07] Yeah.

[1:08] Where's your yardstick for good versus bad boys?

Elliott Kalan

[1:12] Well, Bad Boys are coming for you.

[1:14] Or were they coming for the Bad Boys in that song?

Stuart Wellington

[1:17] Well, they were coming after the Bad Boys, yeah.

[1:19] Oh, okay.

[1:20] Never mind then.

Dan McCoy

[1:20] Never mind.

[1:21] So this is a podcast where we watch a bad movie, and then we talk about it.

[1:25] And tonight.

[1:26] We did not watch a bad movie.

[1:27] Well, tonight.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29] No, no, we did not.

Dan McCoy

[1:30] Tonight we're taking part in a little thing called a pod crawl.

[1:34] Now, we've done this a couple times before, where we get together with a couple of other

[1:40] podcasts, and we watch a series of connected movies.

Elliott Kalan

[1:44] It's like a crossover where no one meets each other.

[1:47] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[1:48] And so we are running the Look Who's Talking series with Read It and Weep and Too Beautiful

[1:56] to Live with Luke Burbank.

[1:59] And so the Reader Weep guys, I believe.

Stuart Wellington

[2:03] Read It and Weep a show that I think, have we all done a guest spot on at some point?

[2:06] Yeah.

[2:07] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[2:07] So, yeah.

[2:08] And we've done the previous two pod crawls with?

[2:11] Yeah.

[2:11] The Star Wars one and the, what was the other one?

[2:14] Yeah.

[2:15] Any Which Way But Loose.

[2:16] Nope.

[2:17] That was with We Hate Movies.

[2:18] Oh, okay.

[2:20] Dan's Memory.

[2:21] Zero.

[2:23] Anyway, point is, we've done-

[2:25] They watched Look Who's Talking.

[2:26] They watched Look Who's Talking.

Elliott Kalan

[2:27] The classic film about, hey, what if babies could talk and they sounded like Bruce Willis?

[2:32] Yep.

[2:33] Too Beautiful.

[2:33] 1989's Look Who's Talking.

Stuart Wellington

[2:36] Yeah, yeah.

[2:37] And that baby-

[2:37] It felt so hot, the next year, Look Who's Talking 2 came out.

[2:43] And then there was a little bit of a lag before our film, Look Who's Talking Now.

[2:48] I'm assuming it went through multiple rewrites so they could get the perfect script.

Dan McCoy

[2:52] I was going to say, Too Beautiful to Live did the second film in the series.

[2:55] That's the one with the talking toilet.

[2:58] Another talking baby.

[3:00] Fill me up.

[3:00] What's the heightening to one talking baby?

[3:03] Two talking babies.

Elliott Kalan

[3:04] They had to learn the lesson that Walt Disney learned with Three Little Pigs, where he said,

[3:09] you can't beat pigs with pigs.

[3:11] He couldn't just keep making Three Little Pigs cartoons.

[3:14] He had to do other stuff that wasn't pigs.

[3:16] He couldn't make cartoons where a pig beats another pig.

[3:19] No, it's impossible, because pigs always form an alliance.

[3:22] Against Humans.

[3:23] Animal Farm by George Orwell.

[3:24] I talked about it on your brother's podcast.

Stuart Wellington

[3:26] Yeah, and there's no, they have no arguments in that book, right?

[3:30] None of the pigs have anything bad.

Dan McCoy

[3:32] Perfectly well.

Elliott Kalan

[3:34] Yeah?

[3:35] Nothing.

[3:36] So, Look Who's Talking is about a talking baby.

[3:39] But he's not really talking.

[3:40] It's just what he's thinking.

[3:41] Look Who's Talking 2, you got two talking babies.

[3:44] Look Who's Talking 2, you got two talking babies.

Stuart Wellington

[3:45] The kids have grown up.

[3:46] But we have a gender balance.

Elliott Kalan

[3:48] Yes.

[3:49] Yeah, finally we've achieved gender Look Who's Talking parody.

[3:51] After so many years of progress.

[3:53] There was once a time when girl babies couldn't even vote.

[3:56] And you know what?

[3:57] They still can't.

[3:58] They're babies.

[3:58] Yeah.

[3:59] They can't understand it.

[4:00] Today, we're actually recording on the night of the New York primary.

[4:03] And my wife took our son Sammy with her to go voting.

[4:06] And he could not tell me which candidate they voted for.

[4:09] What?

[4:09] This two-year-old kid had no understanding of what was going on in Democratic politics.

[4:13] Maybe he was just trying to keep his vote private.

[4:16] Maybe.

[4:16] That's true.

[4:16] I asked him, so who'd you vote for?

[4:18] And he goes, voted.

[4:20] I was like, all right.

[4:21] Close enough, I guess.

[4:23] He was more excited about this.

[4:24] Wait on.

Dan McCoy

[4:24] The civic duty is the main thing.

Elliott Kalan

[4:27] Oh, civic's not the only duty he's making.

[4:29] Oh, dad humor.

[4:31] Anyway, so look who's talking now.

[4:34] The kids are grown up.

[4:35] They're already talking.

[4:36] To see a five-year-old talking is not impressive enough to go to the

[4:39] movies for and pay.

[4:40] At the time, $6 for a ticket.

[4:43] Plus you got popcorn, plus Twizzlers probably.

[4:46] Then you see the thing about the candy floating through space in the beginning.

[4:50] And you're like, oh, gummy bears.

[4:51] Of course you run out and get those.

[4:53] Then you got to sit.

[4:54] They didn't even have screen entertainment.

[4:55] So it's not like you could buy time with that.

[4:57] You had to hurry.

[4:58] And when you get back.

Stuart Wellington

[4:59] Is this back when there would be guys walking around with little boxes

[5:01] hanging from their shoulders?

[5:02] Yeah, there's the 40s.

[5:04] The Will Rogers.

Elliott Kalan

[5:05] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[5:05] Popcorn.

[5:06] I thought you were talking about the Will Rogers Foundation.

Dan McCoy

[5:09] You got to put in a couple bucks for that, too.

[5:11] Oh, yeah.

[5:11] Whatever happened to that?

[5:12] That used to be at like every movie theater.

[5:15] They realized that Will Rogers was dead and couldn't hurt them anymore.

[5:18] They couldn't bring them.

Elliott Kalan

[5:19] Is it just a projection racket?

[5:21] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[5:22] He was totally by the edge.

Elliott Kalan

[5:24] It seems he died in a plane crash 70 years ago.

[5:27] Why are we still doing this?

[5:29] So look who's talking now.

[5:31] What's going to be talking now?

[5:33] Who knows?

[5:33] There are obviously a lot of options.

[5:34] Cars.

[5:35] You mentioned the toilet.

[5:36] Plants.

[5:36] Now, there is a talking toilet in one scene in Look Who's Talking, too.

[5:39] It's a fantasy sequence.

[5:41] And if you want fantasy sequences, Look Who's Talking Now is chock full of filler in the form of fantasy sequences.

[5:46] Oh, boy.

[5:47] So what's going to talk?

[5:48] Is it going to be the sky?

[5:50] Is it going to be fire telling people, Light me.

[5:53] Burn your house.

[5:54] Is it going to be like a television set?

[5:56] Now, again, if I was talking, it would not be that impressive.

Dan McCoy

[5:59] Okay.

[5:59] Is it going to be like a talking doll?

[6:03] Like an animal?

Elliott Kalan

[6:05] I mean, you know one of those Chuckies or talking Tinas?

[6:07] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[6:08] Here's what it is.

[6:09] Everyone's clothing talks.

[6:11] Oh.

[6:12] That's what's going on.

[6:14] And they're all saying, I'm touching your boobs.

Elliott Kalan

[6:18] Yeah, all the clothes are perverts.

[6:20] I'm touching your butt right now.

[6:21] Oh, boy.

[6:23] I'm all over your penis.

[6:24] I'm brightly colored.

[6:26] Well, there are a lot of brightly colored shows.

Dan McCoy

[6:28] Yeah.

[6:28] Brightly colored clothes.

[6:29] It's a real...

[6:31] Dick Tracy?

[6:33] Dick Tracy of a movie.

Elliott Kalan

[6:35] Now, Dan, what really is the extra talking element?

Dan McCoy

[6:37] The extra talking element is dogs.

[6:39] Dogs.

[6:40] Dogs.

[6:40] The series has gone to the dogs.

Elliott Kalan

[6:42] As I think Stuart said already.

[6:44] Oh, did he?

Stuart Wellington

[6:45] Yeah, like 10 minutes ago.

[6:47] I forgot.

[6:47] Already this episode is starting.

[6:49] Rough.

Elliott Kalan

[6:52] Put this one in the pound and put it down.

[6:56] Mm-hmm.

[6:57] Or as they say when they're about to kill Danny DeVito's character rocks, to be destroyed.

[7:01] Mm-hmm.

[7:01] Which I think is supposed to be a less visceral word than kill, but it sounds way worse.

[7:07] Yeah.

[7:07] If you say you're going to kill a dog, it's like, oh, well, at least its body will still exist,

[7:11] right?

[7:11] You destroy it.

[7:11] Destroy it.

Stuart Wellington

[7:12] My soul has been banished to the other world.

Elliott Kalan

[7:14] On an atomic level, it's just been torn apart into particles.

Stuart Wellington

[7:17] Yeah.

[7:17] It's like when I get a sandwich and I'm like, I'm going to destroy this sandwich.

[7:22] Mm-hmm.

[7:22] Like the guy that's selling me the sandwich is like, holy shit, dude.

[7:25] Give me that sandwich back.

[7:27] Here's your money.

[7:28] Get out of my restaurant.

[7:29] I couldn't let you do that.

Dan McCoy

[7:31] You said that weirdly sexually, too.

[7:33] Well, that's fine.

[7:33] I'm going to destroy this sandwich.

[7:35] That's how I talk to you service workers.

[7:37] Oh, boy.

[7:38] I'm just going to wreck this sandwich.

Stuart Wellington

[7:40] Unleaded, please.

[7:42] Fill her up.

[7:43] Mm-hmm.

[7:44] You guys are making it grosser than mine was.

[7:47] Maybe.

[7:47] So we open in a single shot.

[7:50] So the year is 1993.

[7:52] One shot.

[7:52] A single take, long shot.

Elliott Kalan

[7:55] It is irreversible.

[7:56] Now, the year's 1993 when this came out.

[7:59] This was the big movie of the year, right?

[8:02] Mm-hmm.

[8:02] Of course it wasn't.

[8:03] Jurassic Park came out in 1993.

[8:05] The biggest movie maybe ever made.

[8:07] And the dinosaurs.

[8:08] I think scientifically that's untrue.

Dan McCoy

[8:10] I think that we.

[8:11] I mean.

Elliott Kalan

[8:11] Name a bigger movie.

Dan McCoy

[8:13] Gone with the Wind.

Elliott Kalan

[8:15] Dinosaurs are like 60 feet tall.

[8:17] No one in that movie is over six feet tall.

Dan McCoy

[8:20] Dinosaurs could eat Scarlett O'Hara very easily.

[8:22] Incredibly easily.

Elliott Kalan

[8:23] Think about the Civil War with dinosaurs.

[8:25] It's called Abraham Lincoln Dinosaur Hunter.

Dan McCoy

[8:27] I'm thinking about it and I'm loving it.

[8:29] Here's $700,000.

[8:31] Perfect.

Stuart Wellington

[8:31] Thank you.

[8:32] I'm going to make a movie.

[8:32] So wait a second.

[8:33] Are the.

[8:33] In this case.

[8:34] Are the dinosaurs plantation hooners?

[8:36] Uh.

[8:36] Yes.

[8:37] Okay.

[8:37] Well.

[8:38] Another reason I hate dinosaurs I guess.

Elliott Kalan

[8:40] No.

[8:41] But I like dinosaurs.

[8:42] Oh shoot.

[8:43] Anyway.

[8:43] So we open as Stuart said with a single long take shot of our heroes.

[8:48] John Travolta and Christy Alley.

[8:49] We've known them through the entire Look Who's Talking saga.

[8:52] They met.

[8:53] They fell in love.

[8:54] Oh.

[8:54] Sorry.

[8:54] Christy Alley had a baby at a wedlock.

[8:56] John Travolta married her.

Stuart Wellington

[8:57] They had another baby in wedlock.

[8:59] They are according to IMDB.

[9:00] The tagline for this movie is.

[9:03] The world's favorite family is back.

[9:06] That is incredibly unearned promotional hype.

Elliott Kalan

[9:10] Hyperbolic.

[9:11] I mean.

[9:12] As if.

[9:13] The world's favorite family.

Dan McCoy

[9:15] Name one more favorite family.

Elliott Kalan

[9:17] Now let's just.

[9:18] Now considering the movie is set at Christmas.

[9:20] Jesus and his parents.

[9:22] Hugely popular.

[9:23] Throughout the world.

[9:24] And I'm talking about both his dad.

Stuart Wellington

[9:26] I was going to say the family from Married with Children.

Elliott Kalan

[9:29] The Bundys.

[9:30] The Bundys.

[9:30] They were huge at this point.

[9:32] The Simpsons.

[9:32] Even bigger.

[9:34] Let's not forget the Winslows and the Huxtables.

[9:37] The Cosbys.

[9:38] Well the Cosbys and the Huxtables are the same people.

[9:40] Oh yeah.

[9:41] I'm bad at TV.

[9:44] And the Dick Van Dyches.

[9:47] And the Bunkers.

[9:48] And the family from the show Dinosaurs.

[9:50] I don't remember if that was on the show yet.

[9:51] All of the families on Family Feud.

[9:53] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[9:53] All of them.

[9:54] So all the people who under their breath.

[9:57] While they're listening to this show.

[9:58] On public transportation.

[10:00] Who said the name of that family.

[10:02] On Dinosaurs.

[10:03] Please tweet it when you get off the bus.

[10:04] Yeah please do.

[10:04] I think it's the Sinclairs.

[10:06] That makes sense.

Dan McCoy

[10:07] But that doesn't sound like a pun enough.

[10:09] Tweet it at Flophouse Cat.

[10:10] Well no.

[10:10] All the cat.

[10:11] Tweet all of it at Flophouse Cat.

Stuart Wellington

[10:13] All Dinosaurs related to correspondence.

[10:15] Goes directly to my personal.

[10:17] Hashtag.

[10:18] Not the mama.

Dan McCoy

[10:19] Oh no.

Elliott Kalan

[10:22] Look you gotta love him.

[10:23] He told you so.

[10:24] Yep.

[10:26] All the characters were named after oil companies.

Stuart Wellington

[10:29] Oh wait.

[10:30] The dinosaurs were?

[10:31] Yeah yeah.

[10:31] It was a joke.

[10:31] I don't.

[10:32] What's the joke?

[10:33] Is it that their latex masks are made out of oil?

[10:35] I think it's that when their bones would become oil eventually.

Dan McCoy

[10:39] Yeah.

[10:39] It was sort of a morbid joke.

[10:41] Maybe.

[10:41] These characters that you love.

[10:43] Will eventually die and become fossilized.

Elliott Kalan

[10:45] And then you'll burn them up in your car.

[10:46] Considering the final episode of the series was.

[10:49] The ice age coming.

[10:50] And everybody is about to die.

[10:52] Yeah.

[10:52] It's pretty close.

[10:53] Anyway.

[10:53] So Kirstie Alley and John DeVolta.

[10:56] America's favorite family.

[10:57] Mm-hmm.

[10:58] They.

[10:59] World's favorite family.

[11:00] Now you.

[11:00] World's.

[11:01] I forgot.

[11:01] The world's favorite family.

[11:03] Because in.

[11:04] Because in.

[11:05] In Namibia.

[11:06] They're like.

[11:07] What's going on with the look who's talking family?

[11:09] In Japan.

[11:11] Oh.

[11:11] What's happening now to the family whose last name I don't remember.

[11:14] Even though they're my favorite.

[11:15] Yeah.

[11:16] Very complicated.

Dan McCoy

[11:16] They get the poster.

[11:17] It says look who's talking now.

[11:18] And they're like.

[11:19] Who?

Elliott Kalan

[11:20] Who?

[11:20] For God's sake.

[11:22] Who?

[11:22] Tell us who's been added to the family.

[11:25] They did the same experience I had when I saw the poster for Gremlins 2.

[11:28] And my mind exploded.

[11:29] They made another one.

[11:31] Just for me.

Dan McCoy

[11:32] Oh man.

[11:32] I remember seeing like the HBO first look for that thing.

[11:35] And I was like.

[11:36] A spider Gremlin.

[11:39] Do I live in the best time that has ever existed?

[11:42] Medically.

[11:43] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[11:43] I.

[11:44] I remember in that movie.

[11:45] When Gremlins 2 was still in theaters.

[11:47] I had all the collectible cards.

[11:50] And I would just go on road trips.

[11:51] When my parents would take me on road trips.

[11:53] I'd read the backs.

[11:55] Yeah.

[11:55] Like you were watching the movie.

Dan McCoy

[11:56] What was the.

[11:57] What was the lobby card I gave you?

[11:59] Was that.

[11:59] The.

[12:00] Was that PBK.

[12:01] It's being terrorized.

[12:02] Yes in the elevator.

[12:03] When the Gremlins arms.

Elliott Kalan

[12:04] It goes.

[12:04] Fourth floor.

[12:05] Woman's lingerie.

[12:07] Because it's just a Looney Tunes cartoon at that point.

[12:09] And when the elevator crashes.

[12:11] There's literally like a boink.

[12:12] Sound effect.

[12:13] As they squish.

[12:15] What a good movie.

[12:16] We should have watched that.

[12:17] There's tons of talking shit in that movie.

[12:19] Yeah.

[12:19] Anyway.

[12:20] So.

[12:21] These two.

[12:22] Are dealing with.

Dan McCoy

[12:23] Tons of talking shit.

[12:24] You're like.

[12:25] A normal movie.

[12:25] Everyone just talks.

[12:27] They don't make a big deal out of it.

Elliott Kalan

[12:29] Look.

[12:29] So once again.

[12:30] Every movie since 1929 roughly has had talking in it.

[12:34] For the most.

[12:35] I mean.

[12:35] There's some movies that haven't.

[12:36] But most of them have.

[12:37] Even Charlie Chaplin eventually was like.

[12:39] I gotta get on this talking boat.

[12:41] So in 1993 to release a movie where things are talking.

[12:44] Not so impressive.

[12:45] Yeah.

[12:45] Kirstie Alley.

[12:46] John Travolta.

[12:47] They're dealing with the stress.

[12:48] One.

[12:48] Of being huge Scientologists.

[12:50] Of their two children.

[12:50] And two.

[12:51] Of having these very stressful children.

Stuart Wellington

[12:53] And then.

[12:54] Right.

[12:54] Or.

[12:55] Right away.

[12:55] The movie.

[12:56] Loses its audience.

[12:57] Because you expect the children to have the voices of Bruce Willis and Roseanne Barr respectively.

Elliott Kalan

[13:01] Yes.

[13:01] Why didn't they dove them into these child children's faces?

[13:04] They would have been perfect.

[13:05] And it would have made sense thematically.

[13:09] You'd know that this boy is going to grow up to be Bruno.

[13:11] And this girl is going to grow up to be She-Devil.

[13:14] Yeah.

[13:15] Yeah.

[13:15] That's her character.

[13:16] Yeah.

[13:16] And so.

[13:17] They're having.

[13:18] It's a really stressful life having two young kids.

[13:20] They don't want to go to bed.

[13:21] Ah.

[13:21] They don't want to take a bath.

[13:22] Ah.

[13:23] Blah.

Stuart Wellington

[13:23] You're Benny Hilling around the apartment all the time.

Elliott Kalan

[13:25] Oh boy.

[13:26] Yakety Sax is always playing in their minds.

[13:28] And occasionally.

[13:29] On their stereo.

[13:30] Because they love novelty songs.

[13:32] Yeah.

[13:32] Take.

[13:33] Put that Dr. Demento mix on.

[13:34] This is going to be great.

[13:36] Yeah.

[13:37] Fish heads.

[13:38] Roly poly.

[13:40] Fish heads.

[13:40] You know what honey?

[13:40] Let me cue up the music video.

[13:42] You know Bill Paxton directed this?

[13:44] Yes I know honey.

[13:45] Thank you.

[13:46] Anyway.

[13:47] So.

[13:47] They love novelty songs.

[13:48] We've established that.

[13:50] That's their defining trait.

[13:52] Now.

[13:53] As you know.

[13:54] Is a pilot who's at a work.

[13:55] And became a cab driver.

[13:56] And he's like.

[13:56] Kind of a goofy nerd do well.

[13:58] And Christy Alley does.

[14:00] He always wears shirts that are.

[14:01] About five sizes.

[14:02] Too big for him.

[14:03] Because it's the 90s.

[14:04] This is something I forget all the time.

[14:06] Until I watched 90s movies.

[14:07] Everyone's clothes were enormous.

[14:09] Like everyone looked like.

[14:10] A fucking Howard Chaykin drawing.

[14:12] With huge shoulder pads.

[14:13] And like.

[14:14] Jodhpur pants.

[14:15] There's a scene where.

[14:16] The.

[14:16] Where the son is.

[14:17] Who's like.

[14:18] What six.

[14:19] Is walking down the stairs.

[14:21] And he's wearing pants.

[14:22] That look like they belong on a grown man.

[14:24] Like they're so wide.

[14:25] It's like.

[14:26] What are you doing to these kids?

[14:27] But that's.

[14:28] You guys.

[14:28] I assume.

[14:29] Had clothes like that back then.

[14:30] I certainly did.

[14:31] Where my mom was buying me shirts.

[14:32] That like.

[14:33] Had so much excess fabric in them.

Dan McCoy

[14:35] What I remember about the 90s.

[14:37] Is that I wanted.

[14:38] A Simpsons.

[14:40] Emblazoned outfit.

[14:41] Because that was the hippest thing.

[14:43] For a while.

[14:43] Oh yeah.

[14:43] Was to have any Simpsons thing.

[14:46] And so.

[14:46] I somehow.

[14:48] I settled upon.

[14:49] The nerdiest Simpsons option.

[14:51] That was possible.

[14:52] Milhouse.

[14:52] Which was.

[14:53] Bart.

[14:54] Giving the peace sign.

[14:55] In front of a big peace symbol.

[14:57] Saying.

[14:58] Peace man.

[15:00] And I thought I was the coolest.

[15:02] Were you the coolest?

[15:03] I was not.

[15:04] So.

[15:05] Where did you get that shirt from?

[15:06] I think it was a Jay-Z Penny.

[15:09] Sweatshirt.

[15:09] A Jay-Z Penny?

[15:10] Yeah.

[15:10] A Jay-Z Penny.

[15:11] Wow.

Elliott Kalan

[15:11] I didn't know you started with retail.

[15:12] Before you went into wrapping.

Dan McCoy

[15:14] I had 99 problems.

[15:15] And all of them were that shirt.

Elliott Kalan

[15:17] See because my dad used to get a Simpsons stuff.

[15:20] But he.

[15:20] My dad used to work in Manhattan at the time.

[15:22] He'd go in during the day.

[15:23] So they were bootleg Simpsons.

[15:24] And he'd just pick up tons of bootleg shirts off the street.

[15:27] Do you still have them?

[15:28] Probably somewhere.

[15:29] My mom doesn't throw anything out.

[15:31] And you.

[15:31] They still fit?

[15:33] Probably.

[15:34] But my sister and my brother and I would always be wearing Simpsons or Ninja Turtles shirts.

[15:38] Where the colors were all wrong.

[15:39] Where Bart has like a yellow shirt and green shorts.

[15:43] Or like.

[15:44] This guy's got a red bandana.

[15:45] But he's holding nunchucks.

[15:47] That doesn't make sense.

[15:48] Michelangelo holds the nunchucks.

[15:50] And I remember very much the day when my dad came home with no bootleg shirts.

[15:53] And he was like.

[15:54] All I could find was Homie the Clown merchandise.

[15:56] So I'm not buying that for you.

Stuart Wellington

[15:58] But.

[15:59] It was.

[16:00] It was too urban for you.

[16:01] It was too.

[16:01] I mean.

Elliott Kalan

[16:02] In retrospect.

[16:03] Homie the Clown was an inappropriate character for a 10 year old to have emblazoned on.

Stuart Wellington

[16:07] Yeah.

[16:07] Because he's not eating shorts and then being an underachiever.

[16:10] But.

[16:10] And sewer surfing.

Dan McCoy

[16:11] Appropriate for this movie.

[16:12] Because it looked like it was.

[16:14] The costume designer was the same person who did.

[16:16] Everything for In Living Color.

Elliott Kalan

[16:18] It was.

[16:18] There were a lot of bold bright colors.

[16:20] Yeah.

[16:20] Big.

[16:21] Big styles.

Dan McCoy

[16:22] And at one point.

[16:23] Jackets with contrast sleeves on them.

[16:26] At one point.

Elliott Kalan

[16:26] John Dremont.

Stuart Wellington

[16:27] The Haberdasher in charge of this movie.

[16:29] Oh.

[16:29] There were so many hats.

Elliott Kalan

[16:31] They should have called this Look Who's Hatting Now.

[16:34] Or just Look Who's Talking Hats.

[16:36] And the hats should have talked.

Stuart Wellington

[16:37] Like in Lidsville.

[16:38] But they're not big.

[16:39] They're just normal little hats.

[16:39] How did they not put fucking hats on the dogs?

[16:42] They were.

[16:43] They must have been littering the floor with hats.

Dan McCoy

[16:46] Now what kind of hats do you think they would have?

[16:48] Like a.

[16:48] One of them have like a 10 gallon hat?

[16:50] Or.

[16:51] I mean.

[16:51] Yeah.

[16:51] Because it's a cowboy dog.

[16:52] Or a bird.

[16:53] I mean.

[16:53] Dan you're having a conversation now.

[16:55] Obviously the poodle will have a beret.

[16:57] Of course.

[16:57] The traditional poodle hat.

Stuart Wellington

[16:58] But like.

[16:59] Rocks would have one of those like.

[17:00] Like a beat up old hat with the front flipped up.

Elliott Kalan

[17:02] Yeah.

[17:02] Maybe it has a press card in it.

[17:04] Like a corner torn off.

[17:06] All right.

[17:07] And.

[17:08] Or maybe like he's got like a Newsy's cap.

[17:11] A Newsy's cap.

[17:11] Sure.

[17:12] Like a little bit of it's ripped.

[17:13] And she's wearing a tiara.

[17:15] Okay.

[17:16] Oh.

[17:16] That's technically a hat.

Dan McCoy

[17:18] What if he has a hobo hat?

[17:19] One of the.

[17:19] Which is.

[17:20] With the top.

[17:20] Just a top hat.

[17:21] Top flapping off.

Elliott Kalan

[17:22] Yeah.

[17:23] He could definitely do that.

[17:24] Little dog.

[17:24] Like a suit can.

[17:25] Bindle over his shoulder.

[17:26] He's wearing dog shoes with the toes open.

[17:29] And.

[17:30] She's wearing.

[17:31] Like.

[17:32] Hmm.

[17:32] Like one of those old fashioned.

[17:34] 19th century hats.

[17:35] With a real dead stuffed bird on it.

[17:37] Yeah.

[17:38] And glass cherries.

[17:39] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[17:40] That would be great.

[17:41] I would like to see a dog's neck.

[17:42] Try and support all that weight.

Elliott Kalan

[17:44] It would be very difficult.

[17:45] So.

[17:46] Anyway.

[17:47] The.

[17:47] Oh yeah.

[17:47] And there's.

[17:48] I want to.

[17:49] So we don't forget.

[17:49] I want us to point out.

[17:50] Of the clothes.

[17:52] One point.

[17:52] Yeah.

[17:52] Paint us a tapestry.

[17:53] He dresses up for a fancy dinner.

[17:55] In a blue.

[17:57] Sport jacket.

[17:58] Or blazer.

[17:59] Suit jacket.

[17:59] That is.

[18:00] The bluest blue.

[18:02] And it is so bright.

[18:03] It's like he took a blue screen.

[18:05] From industrial light and magic.

[18:06] And just.

[18:06] Cut it into a shirt shape.

[18:08] Yep.

[18:08] And just stuffed his sleeves.

Stuart Wellington

[18:09] His arms through it.

[18:10] It's like you.

[18:11] You were.

[18:12] You're staring deep into the baby blues.

[18:14] Of Paul Atreides.

[18:15] You know.

Elliott Kalan

[18:16] With this.

[18:17] Far too much spice.

[18:18] From the atmosphere.

[18:18] In his bloodstream.

[18:20] There's.

[18:20] When he waves his hands.

[18:21] In front of it.

[18:22] It looks like.

[18:23] He is a weatherman.

Stuart Wellington

[18:27] Yeah.

[18:28] He's like.

[18:28] Yeah.

[18:29] You'll just add a suit.

[18:30] In post.

Elliott Kalan

[18:32] You know how.

[18:33] When the rancor.

[18:33] Is fighting Luke.

[18:34] There's like.

[18:35] A green.

[18:36] A process shot.

[18:37] Line around it.

[18:38] It's like.

[18:39] John Travolta's hands.

[18:40] Had that.

[18:40] When they were in front of his jacket.

[18:41] It was really weird.

[18:43] Yeah.

[18:43] It's a color that does not exist in nature.

[18:45] In any form.

[18:46] And somehow they.

[18:47] Tore it from.

[18:49] Some.

[18:49] Like the.

[18:49] The.

[18:50] Hadron collider.

[18:51] When two atoms exploded.

[18:53] And turned it into a jacket.

[18:54] That he wore.

[18:55] It was crazy.

Stuart Wellington

[18:57] Yeah.

[18:57] It was.

[18:57] And luckily.

[18:58] And luckily.

[19:00] It was so blue.

[19:02] And he's with.

[19:03] And Kirstie Alley.

[19:04] And Olympia Dukakis.

[19:05] His two dates.

[19:06] Are also dressed.

[19:06] Yeah.

[19:07] Kirstie Alley.

Dan McCoy

[19:08] Is what.

[19:08] She's in a.

[19:09] A bright red thing.

[19:11] Yeah.

[19:11] It was a red.

[19:12] Has a purple.

[19:14] Number on.

[19:15] That matches her purple earrings.

[19:16] Yeah.

[19:16] So.

Elliott Kalan

[19:17] They are stressed out from their two kids.

[19:19] He's looking for work.

[19:21] He's having trouble finding it.

[19:22] Doesn't help that he has a light up tie.

[19:23] That he wears as a joke.

[19:24] He's kind of a goofy dad.

[19:25] And she's kind of a stressed out mom.

[19:28] And they are always trying to do it.

[19:30] And always getting interrupted.

[19:31] Yeah.

[19:31] And.

[19:32] So.

[19:32] She.

[19:33] Finds out.

[19:33] She's been fired from her job.

[19:35] At the same time.

[19:36] He goes on an interview.

[19:37] At what appears to be.

[19:38] The headquarters of the Tyrell Corporation.

[19:40] Yeah.

[19:40] From Blade Runner.

[19:41] With a woman who is.

[19:42] A kind of.

[19:43] Icy blonde CEO.

[19:45] Yeah.

[19:45] Who doesn't wear a shirt.

[19:46] Just a bra with a blazer over it.

Dan McCoy

[19:48] She's got a collection of blazers.

[19:50] That.

[19:50] Yeah.

[19:50] The boobs are.

[19:52] Front and center.

Elliott Kalan

[19:53] It's like.

[19:53] It's like the guys.

[19:54] Hold on a second Dan.

[19:55] Where else should the boobs be?

[19:57] Like.

[19:58] Back and diagonal.

[20:01] Underneath.

[20:01] And in circles.

Stuart Wellington

[20:03] It's like.

[20:04] What would happen if the.

[20:05] The.

Dan McCoy

[20:06] You know.

[20:07] Sometimes they drift off to the side.

[20:08] I guess.

[20:09] Yeah.

[20:09] And then you got to.

[20:10] Push them slightly.

[20:11] When you're going out with a Gumby.

[20:12] That's what.

[20:13] That's the main problem that women face.

[20:14] Right.

[20:15] They got to re-center the boobs.

Elliott Kalan

[20:16] Every now and then.

[20:17] That's what they go to.

[20:18] So you got to calibrate.

[20:19] Getting it recalibrated.

[20:21] And re-geared.

[20:22] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[20:23] I got to.

[20:24] I got to re-rack these things.

Elliott Kalan

[20:25] The suspension on these.

[20:27] Is shot.

[20:28] I got to go into.

[20:28] Jiffy boob.

[20:30] And get it worked on.

[20:33] Oh no.

[20:36] I don't know if their listeners.

[20:37] Are going to hear literally the air escaping.

[20:39] Stewart's body.

[20:40] As that pun hit him like a punch to the gut.

[20:42] Ow.

Stuart Wellington

[20:44] Yeah.

[20:45] His boss is basically.

[20:47] If the weird science guys.

[20:49] Scanned a Nagel print.

[20:51] And she sprang to life.

Elliott Kalan

[20:53] And so he gets a job as her private pilot.

[20:56] And Kirstie Alley is instantly threatened.

[20:58] By this beautiful young rich woman.

[21:01] But what can she do?

[21:02] They need to support the family.

[21:03] And so he takes the job.

[21:05] Yeah.

[21:05] Little realizing that.

[21:06] She has designs on him.

[21:08] And also.

[21:09] Will make him work all the time.

[21:11] Taking him away from his family.

[21:13] Now.

[21:13] Their son wants nothing more for Christmas.

[21:16] Than a DOG.

[21:17] A dog.

[21:19] Four paws.

[21:20] Took me a second.

[21:20] But I spelled it out.

[21:21] Yeah.

[21:22] We had to do it.

[21:23] In our head.

[21:24] And.

[21:24] Jewel.

[21:25] Their little girl wants nothing more.

[21:27] Than to defeat Charles Barkley.

[21:28] In a one on one basketball game.

[21:30] Which we see in a fantasy sequence.

[21:32] That has no bearing on the plot.

[21:34] And is oddly sexual.

[21:35] Yes.

[21:36] It's a weird.

[21:36] She.

[21:37] She stares at him on TV.

[21:39] In a weirdly sexual way.

[21:41] And.

[21:41] It's.

[21:42] It's.

[21:43] I don't know.

[21:43] And.

Stuart Wellington

[21:44] I don't know about you guys.

[21:45] But I was looking up at the IMDB trivia for this scene.

[21:48] I was not.

[21:48] And they specified that.

[21:50] They had to slow down the basketball footage.

[21:53] Like a.

[21:54] Hong Kong martial arts movie.

[21:55] Or else the audience wouldn't know what was going on.

[21:57] They had to specify.

[21:58] Hold on a second.

Elliott Kalan

[21:59] Do they not.

Stuart Wellington

[22:00] Wait.

[22:01] So are basketball games slowed down?

[22:02] Because people watch those all the time.

[22:04] Well.

[22:04] Normal basketball games don't happen at the speed.

[22:06] That this little girl is dribbling the ball.

[22:08] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[22:08] That's the thing.

[22:08] She's so good.

[22:09] And then.

[22:10] Then.

[22:11] Dropping a hot dunk on Charles Barkley.

[22:13] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[22:14] They did bring in a wire foo master from the Shaw Brothers stable for that scene.

[22:20] Now.

[22:21] He wants a dog.

[22:22] They don't want to get him a dog.

[22:23] They live in a tiny New York apartment.

[22:25] In a New York that looks suspiciously like Los Angeles in every single way.

[22:29] Except that the cars have New York license plates.

[22:31] But.

[22:32] Or it actually.

[22:33] They probably shot it in Vancouver.

[22:34] So I don't know.

[22:35] Maybe that's what Vancouver looks like.

[22:37] Yeah.

[22:37] I wouldn't know.

[22:38] The only experience I have in Vancouver is seeing the movie.

[22:41] The score with Robert De Niro.

[22:44] Which takes place in Vancouver.

Dan McCoy

[22:45] And the only experience I have of the score with Robert De Niro is.

[22:49] When I mentioned it just now.

[22:51] Is Marlon Brando saying to Frank Oz that he's not one of the puppets.

[22:56] That he can stick his hand up his ass and make him do what he wants.

Stuart Wellington

[22:59] Ironically.

[22:59] My only experience with Frank Oz is watching Star Wars.

[23:03] Star Star Wars.

[23:04] He's not in that.

[23:05] He's in Empire Strikes Back.

Elliott Kalan

[23:06] But he's not in Star Star Wars.

[23:08] He is in Star Star Wars.

[23:09] Yeah.

[23:10] That's true.

[23:10] That's the movie where Star Wars is reinterpreted using real stars.

[23:15] Andromeda.

[23:16] Our own son.

[23:18] Beetlegeist.

[23:19] Beetlegeist.

[23:19] Yeah.

[23:20] Yeah.

[23:20] And Sirius.

[23:21] Altar.

[23:23] Altar.

[23:23] Sirius.

[23:24] The dog star.

[23:25] Speaking of dogs.

[23:26] They're in this movie.

[23:27] So the son wants a dog.

[23:28] There's a mishap with a Santa Claus.

[23:30] Kirstie Alley briefly has a job as an elf at a Santa Claus thing.

[23:33] This is a very Christmassy movie.

[23:35] And so pretty quickly I shut off much of my brain because Christmas.

Dan McCoy

[23:40] Because you hate our Savior, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

[23:43] Hate is a strong word.

Elliott Kalan

[23:45] I have no emotional connection to.

Dan McCoy

[23:47] Well, he is an emotional connection to you.

[23:50] Nope.

Elliott Kalan

[23:51] I have a pamphlet for you.

[23:51] And potentially an ethnic connection to him too.

[23:54] Oh, much stronger ethnic connection.

[23:56] Potentially.

Stuart Wellington

[23:57] Yeah, there's a lot of controversy.

[23:58] I'm waiting on Elliot's birth certificate.

Elliott Kalan

[24:01] I'm going to go on Finding Your Roots and they're going to do my DNA study.

[24:04] It's going to say 100% Christ.

[24:05] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[24:06] I'll check your birth certificate.

[24:08] I knew you were a secret keybler.

Elliott Kalan

[24:12] Born in a tree, huh?

[24:15] So she gets a job as an elf.

[24:18] There's a lot of Christmas in this movie.

[24:20] And the movie is very, very heavily relying on the audience having an emotional connection to Christmas

[24:25] and the idea of a family being together on Christmas.

[24:28] And since Christmas to me is associated with easier to get a movie ticket, easier to get a table at a Chinese restaurant.

Dan McCoy

[24:35] I mean, you're not a monster, right?

[24:36] You can theoretically understand.

[24:37] I wish I was a monster.

Elliott Kalan

[24:38] You can understand.

[24:39] Since I was a kid, I've wanted to be a monster.

Stuart Wellington

[24:40] Can you be like a Howie Mandel, Little Monsters monster where you're peeing in apple juice jugs?

[24:44] That I don't want to be.

[24:45] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[24:46] I would rather be, okay, number one, Godzilla type monster.

[24:50] Okay.

[24:50] Oh, okay.

[24:50] Number two, a Dracula.

[24:52] Mm-hmm.

[24:53] Number three, a wolfman, but I can control the transformations.

[24:56] Number four, a Ducula.

[24:58] A Ducula.

[24:58] Oh, sure.

[24:59] Yeah, come on.

Stuart Wellington

[25:00] Number five, Bunnicula.

[25:05] Yeah, there's a lot of Culas that I could be.

Elliott Kalan

[25:08] Drac, Bun, Duck.

[25:10] Mm-hmm.

[25:11] Now, would you want to be a Godzilla-sized Dracula?

[25:14] That would be silly.

[25:15] How am I going to find a tuxedo big enough to wear?

[25:18] I'm just going to be a naked Dracula.

[25:20] And that's not something anyone needs to see.

[25:22] So, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[25:22] I was just saying that as a gentleman of the Jewish faith, you can still understand the

[25:26] idea of wanting to be with your family on the holidays.

[25:29] Oh, look.

Elliott Kalan

[25:30] I'm-

[25:30] The sympathy.

[25:31] I have a wife and child.

[25:32] Yeah.

[25:33] Much more-

[25:34] What?

[25:35] Sorry.

[25:35] Much more-

[25:36] I was cheating on you with my family.

[25:38] You son of a bitch.

[25:39] A much more important holiday to me, Passover, is coming up at the end of the week.

[25:43] We're recording this.

[25:44] And it's very important for me to be with my family during that holiday.

[25:47] I'm not going to make a movie about it.

[25:49] Mm-hmm.

[25:49] Maybe I will.

[25:50] I'm going to call it Past Over.

Dan McCoy

[25:52] You're going to call it Bitter Urb.

Elliott Kalan

[25:55] It's like that movie, A Celebration.

Dan McCoy

[25:58] Yeah.

[25:58] Except it's at Passover.

[26:00] That was the one, right?

[26:01] Where it turns out everything's terrible?

[26:03] I mean, yes.

[26:05] Everything's terrible in a celebration.

[26:06] So, wait.

[26:06] It's an ironic title?

Stuart Wellington

[26:07] What?

[26:08] It's an ironic title?

[26:09] Very ironic.

[26:09] Like the comedy or entertainment?

[26:11] Yeah.

[26:12] What's entertainment?

Elliott Kalan

[26:13] It's that Neil Hamburger movie.

[26:15] Oh, right.

[26:16] Okay.

[26:17] Not that's entertainment, which is not ironic.

[26:19] Very entertaining.

Stuart Wellington

[26:21] So...

[26:21] Or Gunsmoke.

Elliott Kalan

[26:23] Also not ironic.

[26:25] Oh, it's...

[26:26] Let's think of some other movies that don't have ironic titles.

[26:29] Yeah.

[26:30] Hellraiser?

[26:31] Not ironic.

[26:32] I raised a lot of hell.

[26:33] Candyman?

[26:33] He appears in it.

[26:34] Yep.

[26:35] Tons of candy.

[26:35] It's ironic, though.

[26:37] Look who's talking now.

[26:39] A little ironic in that it's not who's talking, it's what's talking.

[26:42] It's more dramatic.

[26:43] Death really did become her.

[26:45] They looked great.

[26:46] Yeah.

[26:46] Come on.

[26:47] Now, look who's talking now.

[26:50] So, they want to be together on Christmas.

[26:52] Who wouldn't want to be?

[26:53] But his job keeps taking them apart, and they both worry about their marriage.

[26:58] At the same time, John Travolta, to get on his son's good side, brings him to the pound

[27:03] to get a dog.

[27:04] Yeah, after his son realizes that Santa Claus doesn't exist.

[27:06] Let's rewind to the introduction of Rocks, voiced by Danny DeVito, who is a dog who is

[27:13] born in a litter of dogs.

[27:14] Who rocks.

[27:15] Each of the look who's talking movies, as kids' movies, starts with a scene that introduces

[27:21] sperm flying towards an egg.

Stuart Wellington

[27:23] And if you had been taking bets as to whether or not this movie would feature the song Hound

[27:29] Dog, you would clean up on your bet.

Elliott Kalan

[27:32] Yeah, although it is one-to-one odds.

[27:34] You would win exactly the same amount of money that you bet.

[27:38] I think that's...

[27:39] You are literally...

[27:40] You might as well just not make the bet.

Dan McCoy

[27:42] Now, I'll be honest with you.

[27:43] I think that seeing the original look who's talking with the credits of a sperm fertilizing

[27:47] an egg may have been, up until that point, the...

[27:52] The most erotic thing you'd ever seen?

[27:54] I saw it at a church lock-in, and it may have been the...

Elliott Kalan

[27:57] What kind of monster locked you in a church?

Dan McCoy

[28:00] It may have been the clearest explanation of how an egg is fertilized that I'd seen or

[28:07] understood up until that point.

[28:09] Sure.

[28:09] Like, I saw this in early high school, and it is the state of sex education in this country

[28:15] that, look who's talking, probably got it across the clearest, like, what the deal was.

Elliott Kalan

[28:20] Well, did they show you the PG-rated cut, or did they show you the R-rated cut where you

[28:24] actually see the penis's head enter, and then it's the urethra open like the maw of a sandworm?

[28:29] Mm-hmm.

[28:29] Just spewing it out.

[28:31] Childhood.

[28:32] Yeah.

[28:32] That didn't happen.

[28:34] But in here, it's dog sperm and dog eggs.

[28:36] A litter is born, and the one that nobody wants, the runt, if you will, is Rox, played by

[28:40] Danny DeVito.

[28:42] Voiced by Danny DeVito, although I'm assuming...

[28:43] He's not in his dog costume.

[28:45] Yeah, when they were blocking out the scenes, he and Diane Keaton put on dog outfits.

[28:50] He and Diane Keaton put on dog outfits, and they staged it, and they go, okay, bring in

[28:54] the real dogs.

[28:58] What if they shot the whole thing with Diane Keaton and Danny DeVito in dog costumes?

[29:03] They're like, this doesn't look good at all.

[29:04] We'll just CGI some dogs in there over them.

Stuart Wellington

[29:09] I just want to imagine these little kids acting with Danny DeVito on all fours.

Elliott Kalan

[29:14] And Diane Keaton on all fours, wearing horrific latex dog masks.

Dan McCoy

[29:19] And Danny DeVito is so excited on the premiere to see himself in the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[29:23] He's just, what?

[29:24] What do they...

Dan McCoy

[29:25] All right.

[29:26] And walks out, so angry.

Elliott Kalan

[29:28] This is the Lorax all over again, even though that hasn't been made yet.

Stuart Wellington

[29:33] So what did he say, Stuart?

[29:34] I'm just glad...

[29:35] I would have been really sad, because Rhea Perlman, I'm sure, dressed up really nice

[29:38] to see her boy all up on the big screen.

Elliott Kalan

[29:41] Yeah, she had a diamond dog-shaped brooch.

[29:44] He actually wore his...

[29:45] Mother of Pearl.

[29:46] Oh, yes, right.

[29:47] He wore his costume to the premiere.

[29:49] So they didn't even know it was him.

[29:50] They just thought it was some crazy dog man.

[29:52] And they shoot him away with a broom.

Stuart Wellington

[29:55] She said they shoot him.

[29:59] They're like, get this dog boy out of here.

[30:00] Go back to Rift.

Dan McCoy

[30:02] Yep, they shot him.

Elliott Kalan

[30:04] Oh, no.

[30:06] You gotta understand.

[30:07] You gotta understand.

[30:08] It's me, Daniel DeVito.

Dan McCoy

[30:10] Sure, sure it is.

[30:11] The limoncello magnate, Danny DeVito.

Elliott Kalan

[30:16] Magnate.

[30:18] Last time I checked, Danny DeVito wasn't half man, half dog, you freak.

[30:22] It's me, John Candy from Spaceballs.

[30:24] Oh, I'm so sorry, sir.

[30:25] Barf, it's great to meet you.

[30:26] Come in, Mr. Mog.

[30:29] Mr. Mog with Michael Keaton.

Stuart Wellington

[30:32] Mr. Mog is my father.

Elliott Kalan

[30:34] Call me Bernie Mog.

[30:36] Now, anyway.

[30:38] Rocks, he briefly pals around with a homeless man.

[30:42] That doesn't work out because he gets caught by the animal control person.

Stuart Wellington

[30:44] Shots of a dog running around and Danny DeVito providing voiceover.

Elliott Kalan

[30:48] And Danny DeVito just throwing jokes, maybe ad-libbed, maybe not, onto the screen.

[30:54] You have to assume Danny DeVito and Diane Keaton each did their jobs for this movie in about 90 minutes, maybe two hours.

[31:01] One can only hope.

Dan McCoy

[31:03] He goes to the pound.

[31:04] Can we do another take on that, Mr. DeVito?

[31:06] No?

[31:06] All right.

[31:07] Thank you.

[31:08] Nope.

[31:09] Miss Keaton, another take on that.

[31:10] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[31:11] I prefer to think Diane Keaton kept them there really late trying to get every line perfect.

[31:15] Yeah.

[31:15] She's like, you don't understand.

[31:17] This is Diane Keaton you're talking about.

[31:19] Everything I do is important to me.

[31:21] I have to become Daphne the dog.

[31:24] Rocks gets, he's about to be destroyed at the pound, but luckily John Travolta and his son save him by adopting him.

[31:31] But when they get home, they find that John Travolta's boss, the sexy British lady, she's British too,

[31:37] the sexy British lady has given them a super fancy poodle dog with the voice of Diane Keaton.

[31:44] Again, as we explained, not played by Diane Keaton physically.

[31:47] Although, probably.

[31:49] We can only assume the mo-cap was done by Diane Keaton in real life.

[31:54] These dogs are a handful.

[31:55] Daphne needs all the special treatment and a Rocks is always chewing up the shoes.

Dan McCoy

[31:59] It was sort of charming to see old style dogs talking in a movie where they didn't feel like they need to, you know.

[32:07] Old style dogs?

[32:08] Yeah, my dogs, same.

[32:09] I mean, they didn't have the technology.

Elliott Kalan

[32:11] Hearing dogs in Art 6, we talk like this.

Stuart Wellington

[32:14] I mean, they didn't have-

[32:15] We still play poker around here, not those Game Boys.

[32:20] Oh, I want to see a dog's playing Game Boys paintings so badly now.

[32:23] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[32:24] They're not playing-

[32:24] Game Boys.

[32:25] Fucking Tetris?

[32:26] Maybe one of them is playing Lynx.

Dan McCoy

[32:28] Oh, okay.

[32:29] Yeah, the other ones are all playing Tetris and they're not talking to each other.

Elliott Kalan

[32:32] That's the modern thing that dogs do is they play Game Boys.

[32:37] Candy Crush.

[32:38] But Game Boys means something to me, you were saying.

[32:41] No, I just like-

[32:41] They don't have animated maps.

[32:42] They don't have animated maps.

Dan McCoy

[32:43] I mean, that started with Babe.

[32:44] So it's not like they had the technology back-

[32:47] The Babe with John Goodman?

[32:49] They animated John Goodman's mouth.

Elliott Kalan

[32:50] See, I always thought they just put peanut butter on his teeth so that he would look at me.

[32:54] It would look like he was talking.

[32:56] In fact, look who's talking.

[32:59] That is John Goodman in the movie.

[33:01] Yeah, but you're right.

[33:02] There's no animated mouths.

[33:04] There's no puppets.

[33:05] It's just a dog with a-

Dan McCoy

[33:06] Yeah, it's kind of fun to see the old style of like, I don't know, just putting a voice over a dog.

Elliott Kalan

[33:11] I've got to tell you, Dan, I'm nostalgic for a lot of old movie production techniques.

[33:15] This is not one that plucked at my heartstrings.

[33:18] Oh, the laziest thing.

[33:20] They're just having someone talk over footage of a dog.

Stuart Wellington

[33:22] Yeah, they don't even try and match it up to the dog flapping its gums.

Elliott Kalan

[33:25] Or even the dog doing an action that matches the dialogue sometimes.

Stuart Wellington

[33:29] And they're able to communicate with each other.

[33:31] So I guess they're all like telekinetic?

[33:33] Or no, telepathic?

Elliott Kalan

[33:35] Yeah, that has to be something.

[33:36] Because they're not even growling.

Stuart Wellington

[33:37] They're just thinking at each other.

Dan McCoy

[33:38] Or is that them communicating using pheromones?

[33:41] It's the old question of the Garfield comic strip, isn't it?

[33:44] I mean, because those are all thoughts.

[33:45] Yeah, but Garfield says something.

Stuart Wellington

[33:48] My real question is, how does this cat eat so much fucking lasagna?

Elliott Kalan

[33:51] He's very fat.

[33:53] Garfield thinks something.

[33:54] Does Odie hear it?

[33:56] I think there's no evidence to believe Odie does hear it.

[33:59] Yeah.

[33:59] Nermal, on the other hand, he seems to be communicating with.

[34:02] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[34:02] But that could be all body language.

Elliott Kalan

[34:04] The look who's talking to, there the kids did the same thing.

[34:09] They just kind of thought at each other.

[34:11] And they could understand and have conversations.

[34:13] Which, having grown up with a sibling, that is not how it works.

[34:16] Not at all.

[34:18] You have to communicate through a series of complicated fart codes.

Dan McCoy

[34:22] See, that was because they had the grace of babies.

[34:25] It was before they had sin, Elliot.

[34:27] So they had the power of telekinesis.

[34:29] I thought we were born.

[34:30] Telekinesis.

[34:31] Telekinesis.

[34:32] I thought telekinesis.

[34:33] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[34:34] Whoa, there's a full baggage there.

[34:35] Whoa, it's a good life all over again.

[34:38] He was born and the pain was so much that he destroyed the world with his telekinetic powers.

Dan McCoy

[34:42] There's that deleted scene where they wish John Travolta into the cornfield.

[34:45] And he just starts dancing in it or whatever.

Elliott Kalan

[34:48] Now, I don't even, oh yeah, so they've got these dogs.

Dan McCoy

[34:52] Yeah, there's dogs.

[34:54] It's all over.

Elliott Kalan

[34:54] The two dogs don't like each other.

[34:56] It's a real, I mean, I guess Hollywood had never made a movie before about like a rich,

[35:01] fancy dog first having trouble with and then falling in love with like, let's just call

[35:05] it a tramp for lack of a better word, like kind of a dirty vagabond dog like this.

[35:10] And there's a scene where they almost have spaghetti with each other.

[35:13] Like that's, I mean, you got to give them credit for like an original gag.

Stuart Wellington

[35:17] That's the scene where they leave a sleeping Kirstie Alley and then go out on the town and

[35:21] walk past a full restaurant of people eating giant pasta meals.

[35:25] Full Italian, I assume it's an olive garden.

[35:28] Yeah, which is either an all night pasta place.

[35:30] Or Kirstie Alley goes to bed at six or something.

Elliott Kalan

[35:33] She's very tired from taking care of these kids while John Travolta's jetting around with

[35:37] his posh spice boss.

[35:39] Okay, Christmas is coming.

Stuart Wellington

[35:42] Ah!

[35:43] I didn't find any gifts for anybody.

Elliott Kalan

[35:45] This movie does not let you forget it for a second.

[35:46] It is constantly Christmasing up.

[35:49] And that's another mark in the direction of this not having been shot in New York is that

[35:54] literally until the day of Christmas, it does not look cold at all.

[35:59] Anywhere.

Stuart Wellington

[36:00] Yeah.

[36:00] So we're to believe, we're introduced to the idea that the little boy wants a dog and it's

[36:07] September.

[36:08] Uh.

[36:09] I believe when he first starts working.

[36:11] Oh yeah, is he going back to school?

[36:11] Yeah, he's working on his Christmas list in September and he says he wants a dog.

[36:15] And that's roughly around the same time as Danny DeVito dog squirts out of the mommy dog stuff.

[36:20] Yeah.

[36:21] Uh.

[36:22] So that means between September and.

[36:25] He doesn't need to be too romantic about a dog.

[36:26] I know.

[36:27] Between September and let's say December.

[36:29] Okay.

[36:29] He becomes a pretty large dog.

Elliott Kalan

[36:31] Let's say December since that's when Christmas is.

[36:33] Let's just say December.

[36:35] I hadn't realized that, but it makes more sense than if the whole movie takes place in December.

[36:39] In which case, Rox would be like a jack of a dog where he ages four times faster than

[36:43] everybody else.

[36:44] It's a really sad movie.

[36:45] It's tragic.

[36:47] Dogs already age seven times as fast as humans.

Stuart Wellington

[36:49] He's a Solomon Grundy of a dog.

[36:52] That he was born on a Monday?

[36:54] Yep.

[36:54] But he died like he just lives a week, right?

[36:56] Isn't that the whole thing?

[36:58] That he's a mayfly.

[36:59] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[37:01] There's a whole lot of kerfuffle over Christmas.

[37:04] Is John Travolta going to make it there?

[37:05] He keeps promising, I'll be home for Christmas.

[37:07] I'll be home for Christmas.

[37:10] Meanwhile, Christy Alley and John Travolta are kind of suspecting each other of being unfaithful

[37:17] in that.

[37:18] And this is illustrated by a double dream sequence.

[37:21] Yep.

[37:21] In which John Travolta dances with his boss, a tango of some kind.

[37:25] And Christy Alley is just like making out with George Seagull as a Santa Claus.

Dan McCoy

[37:31] Yeah, as Santa Claus.

[37:32] Because earlier on in the movie, we didn't mention this.

[37:34] Christy Alley, after she gets a pink slip from her high-powered business job, the only

[37:40] job she can find is as an elf in a mall Santa Claus.

[37:44] In a mall Santa Claus?

[37:46] Inside a mall Santa Claus.

Elliott Kalan

[37:46] After the kids fall into his butt in his outfit there, he hands them presents.

[37:50] And she's like, hey, how you doing?

[37:52] Have a spleen.

[37:54] I mean, I guess.

[37:54] Don't tell him I'm in here.

[37:55] It's very warm and I don't have to pay rent.

Stuart Wellington

[37:58] That entrance makes the most sense because it's probably the lowest entrance to the ground,

[38:02] depending on dick length.

Elliott Kalan

[38:04] Wait, so what?

[38:05] All right.

[38:07] I mean, we can go out of tape measure.

[38:10] I forgot.

[38:11] You know what?

[38:11] Forget I introduced the idea of entering Dusana's butt.

[38:15] Let's just erase that from our minds.

Dan McCoy

[38:17] But the decision on what entrance to you is completely made on lowness to the ground.

[38:22] For kids.

Stuart Wellington

[38:22] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[38:23] What, are they going to get on a steps tool?

Stuart Wellington

[38:26] The kids are like water.

[38:29] They choose the path of least resistance.

[38:31] They go into the first hole they find, dude.

Elliott Kalan

[38:33] Yeah, they're like golf balls or gophers.

[38:37] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[38:40] Yeah.

[38:40] It's common.

[38:41] I know a couple of things.

[38:43] That's one of them.

[38:43] The other is get on the floor.

[38:46] Wait, open the door.

[38:47] Get on the floor.

[38:48] Everybody walk the dinosaur.

Dan McCoy

[38:49] Look at this one of the things you know.

[38:51] There's two things I know.

[38:53] You're like, okay.

[38:55] There's a filing cabinet.

[38:56] It's on the outside.

[38:58] It says things I know.

Elliott Kalan

[38:59] This is in his brain.

[39:01] Zoom into Stuart's brain.

[39:03] There's a file cabinet with spider webs all over it that says things I know.

[39:07] And it's mostly drink recipes and what different boobs look like.

[39:12] And there's a video cabinet next to it that just has Head of the Family, Invisible Maniac, and Castle Freak.

[39:19] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[39:20] Oh, man.

[39:22] And then there's the fact that you, a kid, enters through the lowest entrance to the floor.

Elliott Kalan

[39:27] And also the steps to walking the dinosaur.

[39:30] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[39:31] I open the door.

[39:32] I think I can walk the dinosaur now.

[39:33] Whoa, whoa.

[39:34] Let me check.

[39:34] I didn't get on the floor.

[39:37] Yeah, you'll get crushed.

Elliott Kalan

[39:40] So they have a double dream sequence where the dreams start interacting with each other.

Stuart Wellington

[39:46] Yeah, and this is actually like, this is kind of a fun scene.

[39:49] Yeah.

[39:49] It's silly.

[39:51] It plays with what you can do in film, I guess you could say.

[39:55] Yeah.

[39:56] And John Travolta, at this point, John Travolta is more charming as a...

Elliott Kalan

[40:03] This does John Travolta entering the room.

Stuart Wellington

[40:06] What, are you making fun of my movie?

[40:09] What is it?

[40:10] This is me, John Travolta.

[40:12] I will say John Travolta does do a lot of voices in the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[40:15] He seems to have thought like, I do a lot of good voices.

[40:17] I'll bring them all out.

[40:18] Stuart, so you were saying John Travolta.

Stuart Wellington

[40:20] Well, I'm just saying that he is a very charming dance performer.

[40:24] And that's kind of what he was...

[40:25] Before Pulp Fiction, that was kind of what he was known for, right?

[40:28] Was his dancing skills.

Elliott Kalan

[40:29] Well, because Saturday Night Fever, along with Welcome Back, Hotter, I guess,

[40:32] like those are things that made him a star.

[40:34] And yeah, dancing was something that he always had in his back pocket

[40:37] that he, when you look back at his career,

[40:40] like didn't use anywhere near as much as you'd think he would.

[40:43] I mean, he dances a lot in like fucking Phenomenon or Michael,

[40:46] which is the one where he's like magic.

[40:48] Michael is the one where he's an angel.

[40:50] Phenomenon is the one where he has a tumor that gives him telekinetic powers.

[40:53] Oh, okay.

Dan McCoy

[40:54] I've seen a roadhouse in Michael where he's dancing around.

Elliott Kalan

[40:57] Yeah, I think after Pulp Fiction, people were like...

Stuart Wellington

[40:59] Which is the one where he's dancing to Spirit in the Sky.

[41:01] That's Michael.

Elliott Kalan

[41:02] Okay.

[41:02] So after Pulp Fiction, I think people were like,

[41:04] oh yeah, this guy can dance.

[41:05] So they shoehorn dancing into like almost all of his movies.

[41:09] But like in Get Shorty, he doesn't dance, right?

[41:11] No.

Dan McCoy

[41:12] No, I don't think so.

Elliott Kalan

[41:13] He just throws James Gandolfini down a staircase,

[41:15] which was another talent he had that people forgot about.

[41:17] Yeah.

[41:18] Gandolfini throwing.

[41:21] He silver medaled in the Olympics.

[41:23] So they're dancing.

[41:24] Kirstie Alley enters John Travolta's dream and is like,

[41:27] oh, this is just a dream.

[41:28] We're not really cheating on each other.

[41:29] And Kirstie Alley goes, if this is a dream,

[41:31] I can do whatever I want.

[41:32] And she makes the blonde lady disappear,

[41:35] revealing just two boob implants,

[41:37] which is like saline bags that fall around.

[41:38] That doesn't make any sense at all.

[41:40] Or silicone bags.

Stuart Wellington

[41:40] If her clothes disappear, why do those not disappear?

[41:43] I mean, maybe that like the Lord doesn't,

[41:46] like because it's not technically part of her body,

[41:48] he considers them unclean and so doesn't accept her spirit.

[41:51] Yeah, he's not enraptured.

Elliott Kalan

[41:52] Yeah, she was sending John Travolta back to kill John Connor.

[41:55] And so like she couldn't bring the non-organic material with her,

[41:58] I guess.

[41:58] That makes sense, yeah.

[41:59] But there was, it's like one of the many jokes in the movie

[42:02] where like this is a, I guess a family movie,

[42:06] but there's some, I guess the early 90s was a time

[42:09] of very sexualized jokes in family movies.

[42:11] Well, I guess nowadays they have that too.

[42:13] They do it all the time.

[42:14] Yeah.

[42:15] Actually, you know what?

Dan McCoy

[42:15] You gotta keep the parents interested.

[42:18] I forgot.

[42:19] Going to hell in a fucking handbag.

[42:20] I forgot.

Stuart Wellington

[42:21] Have you seen the way these kids dress nowadays?

[42:23] Crazy.

[42:24] What with the backwards baseball caps?

[42:26] And those fucking shoes with the wheels in the heel?

[42:30] Where are they going?

[42:31] What do they gotta do?

[42:32] They gotta get there so fucking fast.

Elliott Kalan

[42:34] You guys reminded me,

[42:35] I forgot that one day a hard,

[42:36] real rain's gonna come and wash the scum off the street

[42:38] in the form of kids.

[42:39] Now, and they dance together

[42:41] in kind of an Astaire Rogers type classic dance routine.

[42:45] And long story short,

[42:48] it all comes to a head on Christmas

[42:50] where the boss creates an elaborate ruse

[42:53] to get John Travolta alone with her

[42:55] in a cabin in a blizzard

[42:56] that I guess she arranged with somebody.

[42:59] She's very wealthy.

[43:00] She unplugs the phone slash fax machine,

[43:02] it's 1993,

[43:03] so that he can't call out

[43:05] and begins to seduce him

[43:07] by pretending she doesn't know how to dance

[43:08] and he's got a teacher.

[43:10] Kirstie Alley is back at home

[43:11] with her mom, Olympia Dukakis,

[43:12] and the kids,

[43:13] and her dad,

[43:14] who has no lines in the film.

[43:16] He does nod once.

[43:19] He does not.

[43:20] He got paid sag scale for that nod.

[43:23] And she says,

[43:25] you know what?

[43:25] We're not gonna spend Christmas without him.

[43:27] We're gonna go find him

[43:28] because apparently...

Dan McCoy

[43:29] We're gonna spend Christmas with the Cranks.

Elliott Kalan

[43:32] Oh, no!

[43:32] No, the Cranks don't want to celebrate Christmas this year.

[43:35] They're tired of it.

Stuart Wellington

[43:37] So they...

[43:38] She says,

[43:39] Mom and Dad,

[43:39] you don't have that many years left.

[43:42] See you later.

Elliott Kalan

[43:45] Each one of these Christmases

[43:46] is something I cherish.

[43:47] You gotta split.

[43:49] Here's the Kahlua.

[43:50] Hang out here.

[43:52] And they pile in the car.

[43:54] They drive up to the upstate New York cabin

[43:57] where John Travolta's staying,

[43:58] but it's a snowy road

[43:59] and a tree has fallen and blocked the path.

[44:01] Yep.

[44:02] I guess because either the wind knocked it down

[44:04] or the American soldiers

[44:06] are trying to block the Hessians

[44:07] from making their way through Brooklyn

[44:09] to force them across the Gowanus Creek

[44:11] and then back into Manhattan.

Dan McCoy

[44:13] But they don't know about the headless Hessian

[44:15] who rides through those woods.

[44:17] Luckily, if you cross a bridge,

[44:19] he has no powers.

Elliott Kalan

[44:20] Oh, okay.

[44:20] What if you cross Jeff Bridges?

[44:22] Because he's mad at me.

Dan McCoy

[44:25] Yeah.

[44:26] If you cross Jeff Bridges

[44:27] just by making him angry,

[44:29] then yes.

[44:30] A Hessian can't soldier can't get you anymore.

[44:32] You should be building Jeff Bridges.

Elliott Kalan

[44:34] And not burning Jeff Bridges.

Dan McCoy

[44:37] Uh...

[44:37] Bow Bridges doesn't have any effect.

[44:40] Yeah.

[44:41] Yeah, so don't play that card

[44:42] in Magic the Gathering.

Elliott Kalan

[44:44] You're gonna spend four forest mana

[44:46] to bring in Bow Bridges.

[44:47] You tap him and it literally says,

[44:49] has no effect.

[44:52] Thanks.

[44:52] Thanks, Maximum Bob.

Stuart Wellington

[44:54] Yeah.

[44:54] You keep it because it's a foil card

[44:56] and it's rare.

[44:57] Yeah.

[44:58] I mean, it's worth something,

[44:59] but you don't have to put it in your playing deck.

[45:00] You put it in your deck

[45:01] because you're like,

[45:02] I like alliteration, I guess.

Elliott Kalan

[45:03] I want to show off that I have this,

[45:06] but I just hope Dingus Egg comes up instead.

[45:08] Mm-hmm.

[45:08] Or what was that,

[45:09] Prodigal Sorcerer or something?

[45:11] That was the one where

[45:13] it would hit you for one life

[45:14] and the really slimy kids

[45:16] would just play it over and over again.

Stuart Wellington

[45:17] So I didn't actually play that much Magic the Gathering nerd.

[45:21] Oh.

Elliott Kalan

[45:23] Now I feel nerdy.

[45:24] Anyway, so they pile into the car.

[45:28] This tree gets in their way.

[45:29] They drive down a hill and they're stuck.

Stuart Wellington

[45:32] Christy Alley, at this point,

[45:33] she is-

[45:34] At this point, she starts eating her children, I guess.

Elliott Kalan

[45:36] She's trapped in a car with her children

[45:37] in the middle of a snowstorm.

[45:40] She is as calm as I could imagine

[45:42] any parent being in that situation.

[45:43] She's like, hey, kids,

[45:44] let's start opening presents

[45:45] and I guess I'll go out and get a stick

[45:47] and then walk around.

Stuart Wellington

[45:48] And luckily all her gifts are

[45:51] like cold weather survival gear.

Elliott Kalan

[45:53] Yeah, they're opening up hats and earmuffs.

[45:55] They brought the dogs-

[45:55] An ice axe?

[45:56] Hooray!

[45:58] A sterno stove?

[46:00] Fantastic.

[46:01] They brought the dogs with them too

[46:03] because of course,

[46:04] you're driving in the winter,

[46:06] you want to bring two animals

[46:07] that can't be put in seatbelts

[46:09] and can only jump in your lap

[46:10] and make you swerve off the road.

[46:12] Mm-hmm.

[46:12] And that comes in handy

[46:14] when a wolf comes by.

[46:15] Yep.

[46:16] And this wolf is the best character

[46:18] in the movie by far.

[46:20] He's got a Catalan accent.

Dan McCoy

[46:22] He has the fayest voice.

[46:23] He's either Catalan

[46:24] or he's, yeah, he's coded as gay.

Elliott Kalan

[46:27] And this wolf is, for some reason,

[46:29] coded as like a gay black man on the DL.

[46:32] He's like a still-in-the-closet Titus Andromedon

[46:37] from Kimmy Schmidt.

[46:39] I was going to say Titus Androgynous,

[46:40] which is a Flophouse joke.

[46:42] Not a real thing.

[46:44] And he fights with rocks

[46:46] and rocks fights him off.

[46:47] He doesn't fight.

[46:48] And rocks is steady.

[46:48] He doesn't throw rocks.

[46:50] No, no, no.

[46:50] We're talking about rocks the character.

[46:51] Rocks the dog.

[46:52] By this point also,

[46:54] rocks the dog

[46:54] and Daphne the dog are in love.

Stuart Wellington

[46:56] Yeah.

[46:56] So we get,

[46:57] we are greeted to a classic

[46:59] Jack London Call the Wild situation

[47:01] where rocks has to face off against,

[47:04] we'll call him Spitz, I guess.

[47:06] Yeah.

[47:07] Let's call him,

[47:07] let's call him Gay Wolf.

[47:12] I mean, there's a laser wolf,

[47:14] but I guess he's not gay.

[47:15] No, and he wants to marry Tidal

[47:17] because he's lonely.

[47:19] What were we talking about?

[47:20] Okay, wolf.

Elliott Kalan

[47:21] Fiddler on the Roof.

[47:22] So Fiddler on the Wolf

[47:23] is the story

[47:24] is the story of a family of wolves

[47:26] who are Jewish

[47:27] and they've got two marks against them.

[47:29] One, they're Jewish

[47:30] and czarist Russia.

[47:31] That's tough.

[47:32] Two, they're wolves.

[47:33] So even the right human Jews

[47:34] don't want them around.

[47:36] So they've got to go to America.

[47:38] It's called

[47:38] An American Tale,

[47:40] T-A-I-L,

[47:42] Fiddler on the Wolf.

[47:43] Part two,

[47:44] The Reckoning.

Stuart Wellington

[47:46] I'm trying to come up with puns

Elliott Kalan

[47:48] for the songs.

[47:50] Somewhere out, wolf.

[47:52] Yep, perfect.

[47:53] There are no whatever

[47:54] kills wolves in America

[47:55] and the streets are paved

[47:57] with whatever wolves.

[47:58] Silver, yeah, yeah.

[47:59] Silver.

[48:00] Silver kills wolves.

Dan McCoy

[48:02] That's deadly to these wolves.

[48:03] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[48:04] Now the sequel,

[48:06] Fiddler on the Wolf Goes West,

[48:07] tells the story

[48:08] of the same characters

[48:09] but they go west.

[48:11] How far west?

[48:12] Too far west.

[48:13] They drown in the Pacific Ocean.

[48:14] Oh no.

[48:15] Don't worry.

[48:15] Luckily, they're saved by...

[48:18] Sea turtles?

[48:19] Poseidon?

[48:20] Both.

[48:21] Poseidon riding a sea turtle.

[48:23] Okay.

[48:23] And Captain Caveman.

[48:25] We're reintroducing the character.

[48:26] Removing him for the 21st century

[48:28] is like a gritty Captain Caveman character.

[48:30] Okay.

[48:30] He's more savage.

Stuart Wellington

[48:32] He kills people.

[48:33] And he's got like a giant caveman

[48:35] penis and balls hanging out.

[48:37] Wait, what?

[48:38] You're so into penis and balls.

Elliott Kalan

[48:41] I thought you were saying dark and gritty.

[48:43] Yeah, I don't understand how that's...

[48:44] Do the dark...

[48:45] Christopher Nolan super movies

[48:47] involve giant penises hanging out?

[48:50] I thought we were just blue sky.

[48:52] You're right.

[48:53] There's no bad ideas in this room

[48:54] except for that one.

[48:55] Yeah, I didn't know

[48:56] there was all this judgment.

[48:57] I gotta say,

[48:58] nothing would be less dark and gritty

[49:00] than if superheroes

[49:00] walked around with their penises

[49:01] hanging out.

[49:03] Going,

Stuart Wellington

[49:03] woo, woo, woo.

[49:05] As they're spinning.

[49:06] As they're spinning.

[49:07] Yeah, how's he gonna fly around?

Elliott Kalan

[49:09] Oh, I guess he's got that club

[49:10] with a little bird in it.

[49:12] Oh no, the club now,

[49:14] because it's dark and gritty,

[49:15] it's just a club that just beats people.

Dan McCoy

[49:16] The only way that superheroes

[49:17] could activate their powers

[49:18] by doing a little pinwheel penis action.

Elliott Kalan

[49:21] Frederick Wortham would have been right.

[49:23] He would have been right

[49:24] that comic books were distorting

[49:25] sexually and in delinquent ways

[49:28] the juveniles of America

[49:29] if that was the only way

[49:30] they could activate their powers.

Dan McCoy

[49:32] But Dr. Wortham,

[49:33] my character, the pinwheel,

[49:35] is just an innocent man

[49:36] who got bitten by a radioactive penis

[49:38] and now he has to use his penis

[49:41] for powers.

Elliott Kalan

[49:42] I don't know where to start

[49:43] with telling you what's wrong

[49:44] or problematic

[49:45] at the very least

[49:46] with that synopsis.

[49:48] Okay, my character, Batman.

[49:50] He bats things away with his penis

[49:51] when crooks throw them at him.

[49:54] And Robin,

[49:55] that's his underage lover.

Dan McCoy

[49:57] He just lives with his ward

[49:58] called Junior Butts.

[50:01] Junior Butts.

Elliott Kalan

[50:03] He's actually an old,

[50:04] crusty sea salt

[50:06] who served in the merchant marine

[50:08] during the Spanish-American war.

[50:10] Okay, so he fights off the wolf

[50:14] and then he suddenly smells

[50:16] John Travolta somewhere

[50:17] probably because John Travolta

[50:18] is so turned on by his boss

[50:19] that he's pheromoning like crazy.

[50:21] Yeah, musky.

[50:22] And he runs off to get him.

[50:24] He's wearing that blousy shirt

[50:25] and you know how sometimes

Stuart Wellington

[50:26] that just traps the smell?

[50:27] Yeah, yeah.

[50:28] And then whenever you move

[50:29] it gets released

[50:29] through your neck hole

[50:30] and your sleeve holes.

[50:31] Which, that was also the time

[50:33] where the sleeve holes

[50:34] and the neck holes

[50:35] were meant to be super tight

[50:36] but everything else

[50:37] is extra blousy.

[50:38] It was very billowy.

Elliott Kalan

[50:39] It was a very billowy time.

[50:41] Everyone wanted to look

[50:42] like a circus tent.

[50:43] That was just the fashion.

Dan McCoy

[50:45] So, John Travolta, meanwhile...

[50:47] It's like old times

[50:48] where if you're fat

[50:50] it shows you've got extra money.

[50:51] In this case,

[50:52] it's like if you have extra fabric

[50:54] it shows you have money to burn.

[50:55] If you were poor

Elliott Kalan

[50:56] you'd only buy shirts that fit you.

[50:57] Yeah.

[50:58] You wouldn't get all this

[50:59] extra voluminous fabric

[51:00] that makes you look like

[51:01] you're drowning in a parachute.

[51:04] So, John Travolta at this point

[51:06] is on to his boss.

[51:07] She unplugged the phone

[51:08] and she's trying to seduce him.

[51:10] He drops her on the ground

[51:11] and drops her from his heart.

[51:13] And when she says,

[51:14] you're fired,

[51:15] he's okay with it.

[51:16] Rox shows up at the door.

Stuart Wellington

[51:16] Yeah, we have an immediate turnaround.

[51:19] Yeah.

[51:19] They're like,

[51:20] look, we need to end this movie now.

[51:23] Let's just wrap this up super fast.

[51:24] I mean, to be fair,

Elliott Kalan

[51:25] John Travolta never seems

[51:27] to be attracted to his boss

[51:28] throughout the movie.

[51:29] It was more like

[51:30] she was always coming on to him

[51:31] but he was always like,

[51:32] all this work,

[51:34] I don't know what to do about it.

Stuart Wellington

[51:35] It was kind of like

[51:36] that movie Obsession

[51:37] where you're supposed to believe

[51:38] that Idris Elba

[51:39] is being tempted away

[51:40] by this woman

[51:41] but at no point

[51:42] does he actually seem tempted.

[51:43] And also he's married

[51:44] to Beyonce in that movie, right?

[51:45] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[51:46] One of the most attractive women

[51:47] in the world.

[51:48] I mean, it boggles the mind.

[51:50] But anyway,

[51:50] so Rox finds John Travolta.

[51:53] Meanwhile,

[51:54] Daphne runs off

[51:55] and discovers

[51:55] how to be a wild dog

[51:57] and smells where the park rangers are.

[51:59] Gets them,

[51:59] brings them back

[52:00] to save Percy Alley.

[52:02] Rox takes John Travolta

[52:03] back to the cabin

[52:04] but along the way,

[52:05] the wolf comes back

[52:06] with his friends,

[52:07] other wolves

[52:08] and a fight breaks out.

[52:10] John Travolta shows up

[52:11] with a ragged bandana,

[52:13] the bandana that Rox was wearing

[52:14] and says,

[52:15] oh, I was attacked by wolves

[52:16] and Rox saved me

[52:18] and here he is.

[52:19] Rox walks in.

[52:20] Everyone was worried

[52:21] that Rox was dead.

[52:23] Yeah,

Stuart Wellington

[52:23] they waited outside

[52:24] for a second.

[52:25] They're like,

[52:25] this will be a hilarious

[52:26] Christmas prank.

[52:27] We'll make everyone

Elliott Kalan

[52:28] believe you're dead.

[52:29] Do we prank people

[52:30] on Christmas, boss?

[52:31] Is that what we do?

[52:32] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[52:32] It's a thing we do on Christmas.

[52:33] We prank people.

[52:34] We prank people

[52:34] on every holiday.

[52:35] He's like, wait,

[52:36] am I technically your boss

Stuart Wellington

[52:39] or is that like a new nickname?

Elliott Kalan

[52:41] Do I have to pay you?

[52:42] Well, you already pay me in food

[52:44] so yeah, basically.

[52:46] Should I be contributing

[52:47] to like pension and health for you?

[52:48] Yeah, plan for my future, boss.

Stuart Wellington

[52:51] So John Travolta

[52:52] comes to the ranger station

[52:53] to find his family.

[52:55] I'm only assuming

[52:56] since we don't see him,

[52:57] the rangers in the back room

[52:58] like slowly oiling a pistol

[53:00] to commit suicide

[53:01] because his one moment

[53:03] of happiness

[53:03] and family connection

[53:04] has been stripped from him.

Elliott Kalan

[53:06] Yeah, by these squatters.

[53:08] But the ranger turns up his radio

[53:10] and they hear Santa Claus

[53:11] over the radio.

[53:12] The boys' faith in Santa

[53:13] is rekindled

[53:14] and the movie's over.

[53:17] Or so you think

[53:18] because that's

[53:19] when the craziness starts.

Stuart Wellington

[53:20] Yeah, this is the best part

[53:22] of the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[53:22] At the very end of the movie

[53:24] during the credits.

Stuart Wellington

[53:25] We were all expecting,

[53:26] I at least was expecting us

[53:27] a shot of like

[53:28] Rox and Daphne,

[53:30] the dogs,

[53:30] running around

[53:31] and then a bunch of

[53:32] fucking puppies

[53:33] that look like each of them

[53:34] chasing after them.

[53:35] Or a bunch of bloopers.

[53:36] Let's just face it.

[53:37] Yeah, bloops.

[53:37] Run-of-the-mill bloops.

[53:39] Or like

[53:39] little versions

[53:40] of the two babies

[53:42] running after the babies.

Elliott Kalan

[53:45] What, to signify

[53:47] the passage of time?

[53:48] Yeah, I don't know.

Dan McCoy

[53:49] But instead,

[53:50] suddenly the way

[53:50] that things are filmed

[53:51] gets changed

[53:52] and I joked like,

[53:54] oh, here comes

[53:54] the music video

[53:55] because it looked

[53:56] like a music video.

[53:57] It was a different

[53:57] film stock.

[53:58] And it turns out,

[53:59] no, it actually

[54:00] was a musical video

[54:01] from famous

[54:02] baby...

[54:03] Yeah, famous.

Stuart Wellington

[54:05] Trish him up.

[54:06] Trish him up.

Elliott Kalan

[54:08] Baby musical star,

[54:09] Geordi.

[54:10] Now, you may not

[54:11] remember Geordi.

[54:12] That's because

[54:12] he is a French novelty act

[54:14] who had his first hit

[54:15] when he was a baby.

[54:16] And Santa Claus

[54:17] stops by the house,

[54:19] a different house

[54:19] than we've seen

[54:20] previously in the film

[54:21] that I'm living in,

[54:22] and shoves this

[54:24] super cool,

[54:25] rad kid in sunglasses

[54:26] and a backwards hat

[54:27] and neon clothes

[54:28] down the chimney

[54:29] where the two kid

[54:31] stars of the movie

[54:31] are playing.

[54:32] This kid starts...

Stuart Wellington

[54:33] At first,

[54:34] I thought it was

[54:34] like an Oliver Twist

[54:35] thing.

[54:35] And Santa was like,

Dan McCoy

[54:37] is Santa bringing

[54:38] a new kid?

[54:39] Is that what's going on?

[54:40] Is this the stork?

Elliott Kalan

[54:41] Did the movie forget

[54:43] from the beginning

[54:43] of the film

[54:44] how babies are made?

[54:45] And now Santa

Stuart Wellington

[54:46] delivers them?

Elliott Kalan

[54:47] This kid delivers

[54:48] a message.

[54:49] This French kid.

[54:50] French,

[54:52] not quite rap,

[54:53] not quite techno,

[54:54] not at all rock and roll

[54:55] song about how

[54:56] it's Christmas

[54:57] with the laziest delivery

[54:59] I think any performing

Stuart Wellington

[55:00] child has ever had.

[55:02] He's like,

[55:02] hey, cool kid,

[55:03] you're so cool,

[55:04] you don't really have

[55:04] to move when you dance.

Elliott Kalan

[55:06] Yeah.

[55:06] And he sings about

[55:07] how it's Christmas.

[55:08] Yeah.

[55:08] Say Christmas.

[55:10] It's called

[55:10] It's Christmas

[55:11] Saint Noël.

[55:12] Saint Noël, yeah.

[55:13] It's Christmas

[55:14] Saint Noël, yeah.

[55:14] And he brings to life

[55:16] with magic dust

[55:17] the dolls of the world

[55:18] the girl has gotten.

[55:20] And then it turns out

[55:20] they're all in a dollhouse

[55:22] and Christy Alley

[55:22] and John Travolta

[55:23] have been sleeping

[55:24] through most of this

[55:24] and they wake up

[55:25] and they're like

[55:26] peering into the dollhouse

[55:27] and seeing,

[55:28] I assume with horror

[55:29] that their children

[55:29] have been miniaturized

[55:31] like a bunch of

[55:32] Stuart Littles

[55:33] and are now trapped

[55:33] inside this dollhouse

[55:34] with a functioning fireplace.

[55:36] And they're being

Stuart Wellington

[55:37] led to Santa

[55:38] like a Pied Piper situation.

Elliott Kalan

[55:40] I have to,

[55:40] if I was them

[55:41] I would see Santa

[55:41] on the roof

[55:42] and grab him

[55:42] like King Kong

[55:43] and shake him

[55:44] and be like,

[55:44] what have you done

[55:45] to my children?

[55:46] Bring them back

[55:47] or I'm gonna crush

Stuart Wellington

[55:47] your old elf skull.

[55:49] I've watched enough

[55:50] Puppet Master movies

[55:51] and Demi Toys movies

[55:52] to know that

[55:52] that doesn't work

[55:53] because he'd turn his hands

[55:54] into buzz saws

[55:55] and chop your wrist off.

[55:56] That's a very good point.

Dan McCoy

[55:57] I don't want to overstate

[55:58] I don't want to overstate

[56:00] the final credits

[56:01] to this movie

[56:01] but we watched

[56:02] the rest of this movie

[56:03] you know,

[56:04] mostly like a normal

[56:05] Flophouse movie

[56:06] and then as soon

[56:07] as the credits hit

[56:08] hysterical laughter.

[56:10] It's like

Elliott Kalan

[56:11] we hit hyperdrive.

[56:13] It was a nonstop laughter

[56:14] we couldn't catch

[56:15] our breath.

[56:16] Tears flying

[56:17] from our faces

[56:18] like lusty

[56:19] Japanese characters

[56:20] in cartoons.

[56:21] And it was like

[56:23] yeah,

[56:24] it was I think

[56:25] because the movie

[56:26] is pretty boring

[56:27] and dull.

[56:28] It's a normal

[56:29] It's just a

[56:30] by the numbers

[56:31] Christmas family movie

[56:32] with talking dogs.

[56:34] And then suddenly

[56:35] and also

[56:36] very American.

[56:37] It is such a snapshot

[56:38] of America

[56:39] middle class

[56:40] white America

[56:41] in 1993.

[56:42] And then suddenly

[56:43] this

[56:43] The door to madness

[56:44] flies open.

[56:46] In only the way

[56:47] that a European

[56:48] novelty act

[56:49] can do.

[56:50] It just becomes crazy

[56:51] and you're like

[56:52] what is this?

[56:54] What rules

Stuart Wellington

[56:55] of the universe

[56:55] is this playing by?

[56:57] Because it has nothing

[56:57] like I expect

[56:58] there to at least

[56:59] be a dog

[57:00] in this music video

[57:01] but there's no dogs.

[57:03] But

Dan McCoy

[57:04] It is crazy.

[57:06] It's worth watching

[57:06] He gets across the message

[57:07] that it's Christmas.

[57:08] It's Christmas.

[57:09] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[57:10] It's worth watching

[57:11] the movie

[57:11] to get to that point

[57:13] because I feel like

[57:13] it's not going to have

[57:14] the full impact

[57:15] unless you see

[57:15] the whole film.

[57:17] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[57:18] Oh boy howdy.

Stuart Wellington

[57:20] You know

[57:21] what I liked about

[57:21] this movie

[57:22] is how much of it

[57:23] takes place

[57:24] so much of the

[57:25] scenes are

[57:26] the kids and the dogs

[57:28] running around

[57:28] this tiny little apartment

[57:30] and it feels like

[57:31] they're trapped there

[57:32] like some

[57:32] one act play.

[57:34] Yeah it's the

[57:34] exterminating angel

Dan McCoy

[57:37] or no exit

[57:37] or something.

[57:39] We should give

[57:40] our final judgments

[57:41] on this movie.

[57:41] we've gone way

[57:42] long.

[57:42] Is this a good

[57:43] bad movie

[57:43] a bad bad movie

[57:44] or a movie

[57:45] you kind of liked.

[57:46] I'm gonna

[57:46] I'm honestly

[57:47] because it's such

[57:48] a snapshot

[57:49] of early 90s

[57:51] America

[57:52] as you said

[57:53] and because

[57:54] maybe

[57:55] in no small part

[57:56] of the

[57:57] little push

[57:58] over the edge

[57:59] that final

[57:59] music video gives

[58:01] I'm gonna give it

[58:03] a marginal

[58:04] good bad movie.

[58:05] I enjoyed this movie

[58:06] a lot more

[58:07] than I expected

[58:08] maybe it's

[58:10] because of the

[58:11] I think it's

[58:13] almost

[58:13] it's almost

[58:14] certainly because

[58:14] of the curve

[58:15] that we're grading

[58:16] these things on

[58:17] after watching so many

[58:18] bad movies.

[58:18] Danny DeVito

Elliott Kalan

[58:18] was hilarious.

[58:20] Yeah.

[58:20] As the wise

[58:21] crockin'

[58:21] dragon dog

[58:22] rocks.

[58:22] I was gonna say

[58:23] wise crockin'.

Stuart Wellington

[58:24] Yeah.

[58:24] Tomorrow Dan's

[58:25] gonna have to

[58:26] smear some

[58:26] bruise cream

[58:27] on his knees

[58:28] because he was

[58:29] slapping those

[58:29] knees at all

[58:30] them jokes.

Elliott Kalan

[58:31] Dan I'm glad

[58:32] that you

[58:32] finally tied

[58:33] your sides

[58:33] shut because

[58:34] they were

[58:34] splitting.

[58:36] Though actually

[58:37] I agree with

[58:38] you because

[58:38] I think

[58:39] similar to

[58:40] Golden Child

[58:40] if you grew

[58:41] up in the

[58:42] same years

[58:42] that I grew

[58:43] up in

[58:43] then just

[58:44] looking at

[58:45] the clothes

[58:45] that everybody's

[58:46] wearing in this

[58:46] makes it

[58:47] worth having

[58:48] fun watching

[58:48] and yeah

[58:49] that video

[58:49] at the end

[58:50] is like

[58:50] what?

[58:51] I almost

[58:51] wish we

[58:51] hadn't

[58:52] mentioned it

[58:52] so that

[58:53] people would

[58:53] be able to

[58:54] discover it

[58:54] on their

[58:54] own.

[58:55] But I'm

[58:56] gonna say

[58:56] marginal

[58:57] good bad.

[58:57] It's not

[58:57] so bad

[58:59] that it's

[58:59] fun but it's

[59:00] like if

[59:01] you wanna

[59:01] see a movie

[59:02] where every

[59:02] outfit people

[59:03] wear is a

[59:04] crazy trip

[59:05] back in time

[59:05] 20 years ago

[59:07] then go for

[59:08] it.

[59:08] Stu?

Stuart Wellington

[59:08] Yeah let's

[59:09] do three

[59:09] for three

[59:10] guys.

[59:10] Marginal

[59:11] good bad

[59:11] it's

[59:12] watch with

[59:14] somebody you

[59:14] love.

[59:16] For a

[59:16] movie that

[59:17] opens up

[59:18] with dogs

[59:18] talking to

[59:19] each other

[59:19] and then

[59:20] dog sperm

[59:21] flying toward

[59:22] an egg

[59:22] and

[59:23] ends with

[59:24] a little

[59:25] French kid

[59:25] rapping about

Elliott Kalan

[59:26] Christmas.

[59:26] And in

[59:29] between it's

[59:29] all hats

[59:30] and puffy

[59:30] shirts.

[59:31] Yeah.

[59:32] Yeah watch

[59:33] this thing.

S4

[59:35] New to

[59:36] Maximum Fun

[59:36] the Beef

[59:37] and Dairy

[59:37] Network

[59:38] podcast.

[59:39] The number

[59:39] one podcast

[59:40] for those

[59:40] involved or

[59:41] just interested

[59:41] in the production

[59:42] of beef

[59:42] animals and

[59:43] dairy herds.

[59:44] All sponsored

[59:45] by Grazex.

[59:46] The latest

[59:46] grass replacement

[59:47] pellet from

[59:48] Mitchells.

[59:49] If it's not

[59:49] Mitchells

[59:49] get back in

[59:50] the truck.

[59:51] Find us at

[59:52] MaximumFun.org

[59:53] or on iTunes

[59:53] or wherever you

[59:54] get your podcast

[59:54] from.

[59:55] And if it's

[59:56] not clear

[59:56] this is a

[59:57] comedy podcast.

[59:58] Beef out.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:01] Okay so

[1:00:03] wow that's

[1:00:04] three for three.

[1:00:05] That's final

[1:00:05] judgments.

[1:00:07] What's the time

[1:00:07] for now?

[1:00:08] Now it's time

[1:00:09] for a little

[1:00:09] bit of

[1:00:10] Flophouse

[1:00:11] housecleaning.

[1:00:12] Is it

[1:00:12] Flophouse

[1:00:13] housework?

[1:00:14] Or

[1:00:14] You call

[1:00:15] it that

[1:00:15] nobody

[1:00:15] else

[1:00:15] I'll

[1:00:16] just call

[1:00:16] it

[1:00:17] Jumbo

[1:00:18] Tron.

[1:00:20] Jumbo

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:20] Tron.

[1:00:20] Jumbo

[1:00:21] Tron.

[1:00:22] This

[1:00:22] today's

[1:00:23] Jumbo

[1:00:23] Tron

[1:00:24] message reads

[1:00:25] An idiotic

[1:00:26] man named

[1:00:27] Dink

[1:00:27] is pulled

[1:00:28] into several

[1:00:29] tales of

[1:00:29] intrigue

[1:00:30] around the

[1:00:30] world

[1:00:31] coming into

[1:00:32] contact with

[1:00:32] ghosts

[1:00:33] UFO cults

[1:00:34] undead pirates

[1:00:35] and roving

[1:00:36] gangs of

[1:00:37] clowns.

[1:00:38] These are my

[1:00:39] own honest

[1:00:39] words.

[1:00:40] I swear

[1:00:41] this book is

[1:00:42] great.

[1:00:43] It's called

[1:00:43] Dink and it's

[1:00:44] really really

[1:00:44] funny.

[1:00:45] If you want

[1:00:46] to learn more

[1:00:47] why don't you

[1:00:47] go visit

[1:00:48] www.dinkthebook.com

[1:00:51] That's all one

[1:00:51] word.

[1:00:52] Or just search

[1:00:52] for L.P.

[1:00:55] Wallinger

[1:00:55] on Amazon.com

[1:00:58] That's the author.

[1:00:58] You won't know

[1:01:00] what the clue is

[1:01:00] until you

[1:01:01] Google it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:03] Yep.

[1:01:04] So yeah

[1:01:05] check that out.

[1:01:06] And if you'd

[1:01:06] like to have

[1:01:07] your message

[1:01:07] on the Jumbo

[1:01:08] Tron

[1:01:08] go to

[1:01:09] Maximum

[1:01:09] Fun.org

[1:01:10] slash

Dan McCoy

[1:01:11] Jumbo

[1:01:12] Tron.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:13] Jumbo

[1:01:13] Tron.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:13] Yep.

[1:01:14] Jumbo

[1:01:14] Tron.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:15] And if you'd

[1:01:15] like a real

[1:01:16] life Jumbo

[1:01:16] Tron

[1:01:17] just like get

[1:01:17] a big

[1:01:17] movie screen

[1:01:18] and project

[1:01:18] Tron on it.

[1:01:19] Jumbo

[1:01:20] to project

[1:01:20] Tron on the

[1:01:21] side of an

[1:01:21] elephant.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:24] Operation

[1:01:25] Jumbo

[1:01:25] Drop.

[1:01:26] But now

[1:01:26] it's time

[1:01:27] to move

[1:01:27] on to

[1:01:28] Letters

[1:01:28] from

[1:01:28] Listeners

[1:01:29] your

[1:01:30] favorite

[1:01:30] segment

[1:01:31] my

[1:01:32] favorite

[1:01:32] segment

[1:01:32] his

[1:01:33] favorite

[1:01:33] segment

[1:01:34] who's

[1:01:34] he

[1:01:35] who

[1:01:35] knows

[1:01:36] this

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:36] is a

[1:01:36] spoken

[1:01:36] word

[1:01:37] version

[1:01:37] of

[1:01:37] one

[1:01:37] of

[1:01:37] my

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:38] songs

[1:01:38] suddenly

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:40] Dan's

[1:01:41] trying to

[1:01:41] get in

[1:01:42] on the

[1:01:42] act

[1:01:43] of wasting

[1:01:43] time

[1:01:44] before

[1:01:44] the

[1:01:45] letters

[1:01:45] start

[1:01:45] well

[1:01:46] get one

[1:01:46] thing

[1:01:46] straight

[1:01:47] dick

[1:01:49] nobody

[1:01:49] wastes

[1:01:50] time

[1:01:50] like

[1:01:51] Elliot

[1:01:51] nobody

[1:01:52] wastes

[1:01:53] time

[1:01:53] like

[1:01:54] Elliot

[1:01:54] let's

[1:01:55] count the

[1:01:55] number of

[1:01:56] ways he

[1:01:56] can

[1:01:56] waste

[1:01:57] time

[1:01:57] 1

[1:01:58] 2

[1:01:58] 3

[1:01:58] 4

[1:01:59] 5

[1:01:59] 6

[1:02:00] 7

[1:02:00] 8

[1:02:00] 9

[1:02:01] 10

[1:02:01] 11

[1:02:02] 12

[1:02:02] 13

[1:02:02] 14

[1:02:03] 15

[1:02:03] 16

[1:02:04] 17

[1:02:04] 18

[1:02:04] 19

[1:02:05] 20

[1:02:05] that

[1:02:05] just

[1:02:06] counted

[1:02:06] as

[1:02:06] one

[1:02:06] way

[1:02:07] counting

[1:02:07] is a

[1:02:08] way

[1:02:08] to

[1:02:08] waste

[1:02:08] time

[1:02:09] number

[1:02:09] two

[1:02:09] remembering

[1:02:10] things

[1:02:11] hey guys

[1:02:11] do you

[1:02:12] remember

[1:02:12] a couple

[1:02:13] minutes

[1:02:14] ago

[1:02:14] you were

[1:02:14] saying

[1:02:15] the

[1:02:15] fucking

[1:02:15] PM

[1:02:16] dawn

[1:02:16] spoken word

[1:02:17] breakdown

Dan McCoy

[1:02:18] normally I just pretend to be annoyed by this but oh boy

[1:02:23] avoid the annoyed Dan

[1:02:24] you know what I made a mistake before we move on to letters I just want to thank

[1:02:29] I wasted a song I want to I just want to thank a couple people who sent things in

[1:02:34] thank you to Vanessa for the uh colonial Williamsburg cookbook and other ephemera that she sent to me thanks also to Anne Marie Newman for the care package came on a bad day so it was much appreciated and then a gift to all of us here at the flop house a big thanks to Bill O'Donnell for the very

[1:02:54] generous gift of a digital recorder

[1:02:56] that's amazing

[1:02:57] oh yeah thanks Bill

[1:02:58] to use

[1:02:58] too nice

[1:02:59] as a backup

[1:02:59] it's uh

[1:03:00] he sent it in saying

[1:03:02] in case there was another Babylon AD situation

[1:03:05] he wanted us to have a

[1:03:07] a famous lost episode

[1:03:08] a backup recording option

[1:03:10] and so uh

[1:03:12] we do now

[1:03:12] thank you so much

[1:03:13] above and beyond Bill

[1:03:15] yeah very much so

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:16] I don't mean that nearly as sarcastically as my voice always sounds

[1:03:19] Stu just sounds sarcastic but he means it from his heart

[1:03:22] but thank you very much

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:23] thank you

[1:03:24] I wanna thank you

[1:03:27] oh

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:27] oh

[1:03:28] oh

[1:03:29] ah

Dan McCoy

[1:03:30] it's Mr. Roboto

[1:03:31] uh

[1:03:33] but

[1:03:34] the first letter of the evening

[1:03:36] is from Pete

[1:03:37] last name withheld

[1:03:38] who writes

[1:03:39] Peter Dinklage

[1:03:40] after

[1:03:41] hey guys it's me Pete D

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:42] thanks for watching my movie

[1:03:44] A Little Bit of Heaven

[1:03:44] big fan

Dan McCoy

[1:03:46] after your fateful findings episode

[1:03:49] I had to write in

[1:03:50] my partner and I

[1:03:52] cemented our relationship

[1:03:53] at a midnight showing

[1:03:54] of Neil Breen's

[1:03:55] modern masterpiece

[1:03:56] which screened in a theater

[1:03:58] to us and maybe

[1:03:58] five other people

[1:03:59] later on

[1:04:01] we rallied a few friends

[1:04:02] to attend another screening

[1:04:03] and as

[1:04:04] as incentive

[1:04:05] I created a drinking game

[1:04:07] I call

[1:04:08] a

[1:04:08] a knee

[1:04:09] Breenated

[1:04:10] after the film's writer

[1:04:12] slash director

[1:04:13] slash hunk

[1:04:14] slash heavy

[1:04:15] slash hacker

[1:04:15] slash magician

[1:04:17] which all

[1:04:18] I think he's also the caterer

[1:04:19] who also

[1:04:21] may be supernatural

[1:04:22] if you're interested

[1:04:24] you can find it

[1:04:25] in Salt's Glory

[1:04:26] here

[1:04:26] and he sends a link

[1:04:27] to the

[1:04:28] the drinking game

[1:04:30] which I hope I remember

[1:04:31] to put up on the website

[1:04:32] only time will tell

[1:04:33] I bring it up

[1:04:34] because

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:35] somebody

[1:04:35] listen

[1:04:35] somebody call Dan

[1:04:36] on Saturday

[1:04:37] and remind him

[1:04:37] to put it up

Dan McCoy

[1:04:38] yeah

[1:04:39] it's

[1:04:40] one two three

[1:04:41] fake number

[1:04:42] you just

[1:04:44] program it

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:45] wow you got that one

[1:04:46] locked in

[1:04:46] yeah

[1:04:47] how do you

Dan McCoy

[1:04:47] how do you spell that

[1:04:48] so your area code

[1:04:49] is one two three

[1:04:50] that's right

[1:04:51] I live in

[1:04:53] Colonial Williamsburg

[1:04:55] oh yeah

[1:04:56] that's where you got your phone

[1:04:57] yep

[1:05:00] because at the end of the drinking

[1:05:01] this is how we used to dip candles

[1:05:02] what's that

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:04] goody Thomas

[1:05:04] yeah

[1:05:06] I'll stop by

[1:05:07] sorry

[1:05:07] Colonial booty call

[1:05:09] we had these back then

Dan McCoy

[1:05:11] because at the end of the drinking game

[1:05:12] the winner

[1:05:13] slash loser

[1:05:14] was tasked with

[1:05:15] calling Neil Breen

[1:05:16] we found an old ad

[1:05:18] apparently he was

[1:05:19] or is a real estate agent

[1:05:20] oh still is

[1:05:21] with a phone number

[1:05:22] and I was promptly

[1:05:23] added to the game

[1:05:24] oh he must live in

[1:05:25] Colonial Williamsburg

[1:05:25] he has a phone number

[1:05:26] and fellows I called

[1:05:28] and Neil Breen

[1:05:29] picked up

[1:05:30] for real

[1:05:31] I was totally paralyzed

[1:05:32] I'm not an experienced

[1:05:34] prank caller or anything

[1:05:35] and I didn't think

[1:05:36] there was any chance

[1:05:37] I'd be talking to

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:37] did you call him

[1:05:38] sizzle chest

[1:05:39] when he says

[1:05:41] I did

[1:05:42] learn from the best

Dan McCoy

[1:05:44] I didn't think

[1:05:44] there was any chance

[1:05:45] I'd be talking to

[1:05:46] Dylan

[1:05:46] whoops

[1:05:47] sometimes I call Breen

[1:05:48] by his character names

[1:05:49] he really disappears

[1:05:49] into a role

[1:05:50] he said

[1:05:51] hello

[1:05:52] hello

[1:05:54] hello

[1:05:56] and then waited

[1:05:58] before hanging up

[1:05:59] anyway I do have a request

[1:06:01] is there any possibility

[1:06:02] you could call on

[1:06:03] the power of the

[1:06:03] flop house fans

[1:06:04] to dig up

[1:06:05] Breen's older movies

[1:06:06] double down

[1:06:07] and especially

[1:06:07] I'm here

[1:06:08] ellipsis now

[1:06:10] with an extra dot

[1:06:11] in the ellipsis

[1:06:12] is that the one

[1:06:12] where he's like

[1:06:13] a cyborg jesus

[1:06:14] well that's what

[1:06:15] he says

[1:06:15] I'm here now

[1:06:15] is the one

[1:06:16] where Neil

[1:06:16] appears to be

[1:06:17] some kind of

[1:06:17] robot space jesus

[1:06:18] who enacts

[1:06:19] revenge on drug

[1:06:20] dealers or something

[1:06:22] was briefly

[1:06:22] on youtube

[1:06:23] but I left

[1:06:23] before I could

[1:06:24] but left

[1:06:25] before I could

[1:06:25] consume it all

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:26] that's the one

[1:06:27] where Neil

[1:06:27] Breen is two

[1:06:28] breaded chicken

[1:06:29] patties

[1:06:29] right

Dan McCoy

[1:06:29] that one

[1:06:31] I can't

[1:06:33] explain

[1:06:34] I watched it

[1:06:35] god help me

[1:06:36] I can't

[1:06:37] this is Dan

[1:06:37] talking in the

[1:06:38] voice of Dan

[1:06:38] and not the

[1:06:39] writer

[1:06:39] yeah

[1:06:40] I did however

[1:06:41] witness an even

[1:06:42] reckloser abandon

[1:06:43] when it came to

[1:06:44] laptop usage

[1:06:45] in double down

[1:06:46] and Neil's

[1:06:47] exclamation of

[1:06:48] oh geez

[1:06:48] when his topless

[1:06:49] girlfriend was

[1:06:49] shot by a sniper

[1:06:50] while she was

[1:06:51] in a hot tub

[1:06:51] is not to be

[1:06:52] missed

[1:06:53] Pete last name

[1:06:54] withheld

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:54] but he's got a

[1:06:56] new one coming

Dan McCoy

[1:06:57] up

[1:06:57] pass through

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:58] something like

[1:06:59] that yeah

Dan McCoy

[1:06:59] I'm not sure

[1:07:01] what he's

[1:07:01] calling us to

[1:07:02] do when he

[1:07:03] says is there

[1:07:03] any possibility

[1:07:04] you can power

[1:07:04] call in the

[1:07:05] power of the

[1:07:05] flop house to

[1:07:06] dig up

[1:07:07] Neil Breen's

[1:07:07] older movies

[1:07:08] I mean they do

[1:07:09] exist

[1:07:09] you can buy

[1:07:10] them from him

[1:07:10] right

[1:07:10] I don't know

[1:07:12] whether the

[1:07:13] earlier ones you

[1:07:13] can still buy

[1:07:14] directly from

[1:07:16] him

[1:07:16] website

[1:07:16] that'd be

[1:07:17] crazy

[1:07:17] findings you

[1:07:18] can only

[1:07:19] officially buy

[1:07:20] from him

[1:07:20] I know that

[1:07:21] if you dig

[1:07:21] hard enough

[1:07:22] both double

[1:07:23] down and I'm

[1:07:24] here ellipsis

[1:07:25] now on the

[1:07:27] internet for free

[1:07:28] yeah what if

[1:07:28] you're the

[1:07:29] world's best

[1:07:29] hacker

[1:07:30] but that's

[1:07:31] Neil Breen

[1:07:31] why would he

[1:07:32] steal his own

[1:07:33] movies

[1:07:33] what if I was

[1:07:33] the world's

[1:07:34] second best

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:34] hacker

[1:07:34] top government

[1:07:35] secrets

[1:07:36] yeah and the

[1:07:37] second world's

[1:07:38] best hacker

[1:07:38] swordfish aka

[1:07:40] Hugh Jackman

[1:07:40] is busy

[1:07:41] dancing up a

[1:07:42] storm on

[1:07:42] Broadway or

[1:07:43] something

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:43] so if this

[1:07:44] all sounds

[1:07:44] ridiculous to

[1:07:45] you new

[1:07:46] listeners go

[1:07:47] check out the

[1:07:47] film works of

[1:07:48] Neil Breen

[1:07:49] or just our

Dan McCoy

[1:07:50] episode on

[1:07:50] faithful findings

[1:07:51] I did a

[1:07:52] group watch of

[1:07:53] both of these

[1:07:54] movies with

[1:07:55] the flop house

[1:07:56] me

[1:07:56] well with the

[1:07:58] flop house

[1:07:58] facebook group

[1:07:59] oh

[1:07:59] this is something

[1:08:00] that a lonely

[1:08:01] person does

[1:08:02] oh wow

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:03] damn that's not

[1:08:04] true

[1:08:04] I mean it kind

[1:08:06] of is but

Dan McCoy

[1:08:06] but they're both

[1:08:08] worth watching I

[1:08:09] mean my favorite

[1:08:11] my favorite of the

[1:08:13] two is I'm here

[1:08:14] now I think that

[1:08:15] I mean he plays a

[1:08:16] robot space

[1:08:16] Jesus

[1:08:17] yeah I think the

[1:08:17] faithful findings is

[1:08:18] still the most

[1:08:19] accessible one in

[1:08:20] terms of if you're

[1:08:21] looking for a bad

[1:08:22] movie to watch

[1:08:23] people but I'm

[1:08:24] here now is

[1:08:25] maybe the craziest

[1:08:27] one if you're if

[1:08:29] you love the

[1:08:30] ending of

[1:08:31] faithful findings

[1:08:33] where he gets

[1:08:34] all the corrupt

[1:08:35] government officials

[1:08:36] to commit suicide

[1:08:37] you will double

[1:08:38] love the end of

[1:08:39] I'm here now

[1:08:40] where he literally

[1:08:41] crucifies the bad

[1:08:43] guys on crosses

[1:08:44] out in the desert

[1:08:46] that sounds great

[1:08:47] yeah

[1:08:48] okay sold

[1:08:49] I'll watch that

[1:08:51] I'll buy that

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:52] for a dollar

[1:08:52] Neil Briggs

[1:08:54] RoboCop

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:55] oh no way

[1:08:56] I guess that may

[1:08:57] I mean that's

[1:08:58] kind of what

[1:08:58] RoboCop is

[1:08:59] is a robo

[1:08:59] space Jesus

[1:09:00] yeah very much

[1:09:01] so he comes

[1:09:02] back

Dan McCoy

[1:09:02] um this next

[1:09:05] one is from

[1:09:05] Alex last name

[1:09:06] withheld who

[1:09:06] writes I need to

[1:09:07] know your answers

[1:09:08] to a very

[1:09:08] important question

[1:09:09] Alex Mac

[1:09:10] okay we'll find

[1:09:11] out

[1:09:12] let's say a

[1:09:12] genie appears

[1:09:13] to you and

[1:09:13] offers the

[1:09:14] following deal

[1:09:15] you will receive

[1:09:16] a no limit

[1:09:17] credit card and

[1:09:17] the genie will

[1:09:18] pay your bill

[1:09:19] you and your

[1:09:20] family will not

[1:09:21] just give you

[1:09:21] infinite money

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:22] can I call

[1:09:22] myself a no

[1:09:24] limit soldier

[1:09:25] you can do

[1:09:27] whatever you

[1:09:27] want to do

[1:09:28] okay wow I

[1:09:29] guess you're

[1:09:29] speaking for the

[1:09:30] letter writer

[1:09:31] you're the

[1:09:31] genie

[1:09:32] that's right

[1:09:33] so answer my

[1:09:35] question

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:35] some kind of

[1:09:38] game genie who

[1:09:39] gave me 99

[1:09:40] lives on contract

Dan McCoy

[1:09:41] but made me

[1:09:43] flicker in a

[1:09:44] weird way

[1:09:44] you will receive a

[1:09:46] no limit credit

[1:09:47] card and the

[1:09:48] genie will pay

[1:09:49] your bill

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:49] well what I

[1:09:52] like about that

[1:09:52] is that the

[1:09:53] genie like I

[1:09:54] don't give a

[1:09:54] shit if the

[1:09:55] genie pays or

[1:09:55] not I just

[1:09:56] don't want to

[1:09:56] pay

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:57] the genie has to

[1:09:59] write a check

[1:09:59] I guess it's

[1:10:00] just direct

[1:10:01] pulled from his

[1:10:02] bank account

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:02] the credit card

[1:10:03] company is more

[1:10:04] powerful than a

[1:10:05] genie apparently

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:06] he's inside the

[1:10:07] lamp sitting at a

[1:10:08] desk with little

[1:10:09] half glasses on his

[1:10:10] nose writing a

[1:10:11] check and putting

[1:10:12] it in an envelope

[1:10:13] if I make this

[1:10:14] out to capital

[1:10:15] one or master

[1:10:16] card or what

[1:10:17] I don't know

[1:10:17] how does this

Dan McCoy

[1:10:18] work I forget

[1:10:20] I'm a thousand

[1:10:21] years old

[1:10:22] you and your

[1:10:23] family will never

[1:10:25] again want for

[1:10:25] money or any

[1:10:26] material needs

[1:10:27] however in order

[1:10:29] to earn this

[1:10:29] arrangement

[1:10:30] here's the catch

[1:10:30] you must agree to

[1:10:32] watch the movie

[1:10:32] last vegas once

[1:10:34] a day Monday

[1:10:34] through Friday

[1:10:35] you are not

[1:10:36] allowed to

[1:10:36] multitask

[1:10:37] close your eyes

[1:10:38] play on your

[1:10:39] phone etc

[1:10:39] if you miss the

[1:10:41] day the genie

[1:10:41] stops paying your

[1:10:42] bills

[1:10:42] last vegas is

[1:10:44] 105 minutes long

[1:10:45] which works out to

[1:10:46] about a nine hour

[1:10:47] work week the

[1:10:49] rest of your time

[1:10:49] is your own

[1:10:50] which you can use

[1:10:51] to watch better

[1:10:51] movies do rewarding

[1:10:52] creative work

[1:10:53] jerk off etc

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:54] I can't do that

[1:10:55] while watching

[1:10:56] last vegas

[1:10:57] well you can't

[1:10:57] multitask

[1:10:58] what if he's

[1:10:59] turned on by the

[1:10:59] babes in last

[1:11:01] vegas

Dan McCoy

[1:11:01] still multitasking

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:03] how is this going

[1:11:04] to be enforced

[1:11:05] is there going to

[1:11:05] be like another

[1:11:06] genie with a gun

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:07] at that point

[1:11:08] the genie has

[1:11:09] to work

Dan McCoy

[1:11:09] apparently the only

[1:11:10] repercussion is

[1:11:12] the contract

[1:11:14] is voided

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:14] well but the

[1:11:15] genie has to

[1:11:15] watch the movie

[1:11:16] with you to

[1:11:17] make sure

[1:11:17] and so that

[1:11:18] means the

[1:11:18] genie has to

[1:11:19] watch every day

[1:11:19] and he's like

[1:11:20] why did I do

[1:11:20] this I'm really

[1:11:21] punishing myself

[1:11:22] yeah

[1:11:22] Mephisto is

[1:11:25] just sitting next

[1:11:26] to you watching

[1:11:27] last vegas every

[1:11:28] day

Dan McCoy

[1:11:28] well Alex's last

[1:11:29] name withheld

[1:11:30] seems to really

[1:11:31] want an answer

[1:11:32] to this question

[1:11:32] whether we take

[1:11:33] this deal

[1:11:33] sorry Alex

[1:11:34] I didn't mean to

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:35] get off topic

[1:11:35] nine hour work

[1:11:36] week

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:37] I think I might

[1:11:40] take that deal

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:41] yeah

[1:11:42] I mean you got

[1:11:42] a son you got

[1:11:43] a feed

[1:11:43] I got to put him

[1:11:44] to college eventually

[1:11:45] duh

[1:11:47] whoa

Dan McCoy

[1:11:50] Dan's become a bad

[1:11:51] boy

[1:11:52] duh

[1:11:52] sure you take that

[1:11:55] deal

[1:11:55] last vegas I mean

[1:11:56] it's not even the

[1:11:57] worst movie we

[1:11:57] watched

[1:11:58] nine hours a week

[1:12:03] Dan I didn't

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:03] realize that I

[1:12:04] touched a nerve

[1:12:04] by being tentative

[1:12:06] about that

[1:12:07] for unlimited

[1:12:09] miles

[1:12:10] does the credit

[1:12:11] card expire

[1:12:12] like

[1:12:12] no

[1:12:14] do I get

[1:12:15] miles

[1:12:16] I feel like I

[1:12:16] don't know

[1:12:17] the only way it

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:17] expires is if you

[1:12:18] stop watching last

[1:12:19] vegas

[1:12:20] are you going to

[1:12:21] be able to

[1:12:21] travel

[1:12:22] you got to

[1:12:23] watch it on a

[1:12:24] plane

[1:12:24] yeah do you

[1:12:25] have to watch

[1:12:25] last vegas at

[1:12:26] like an office

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:27] if you charge up

Dan McCoy

[1:12:29] your laptop I

[1:12:30] assume that you

[1:12:30] can watch it

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:31] wherever

[1:12:31] yeah can I

[1:12:31] bring last

[1:12:32] can I just

[1:12:33] download it to

[1:12:33] an ipad and

[1:12:34] that's my last

[1:12:35] vegas ipad

[1:12:36] and I just

[1:12:37] watch that

[1:12:37] does multitasking

[1:12:38] include like being

[1:12:39] on a plane or

[1:12:40] a train an

[1:12:41] automobile if you

[1:12:42] will I think

[1:12:42] a snowmobile

[1:12:43] I interpret it as

Dan McCoy

[1:12:45] multitasking just

[1:12:46] means that if

[1:12:47] you're doing

[1:12:47] something that

[1:12:48] would distract

[1:12:49] you from watching

[1:12:49] last vegas at

[1:12:50] the same time

[1:12:51] okay so I

[1:12:52] don't think that

[1:12:53] necessarily being

[1:12:54] on a plane

[1:12:54] qualifies but

[1:12:56] that's just me

[1:12:56] we got to talk

[1:12:58] to this genie

[1:12:59] what I would

[1:12:59] really like is

[1:13:00] for Dan to

[1:13:01] take this bet

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:02] with a genie

[1:13:03] and then have

[1:13:04] to explain it

[1:13:05] the first time

[1:13:05] he goes on a

[1:13:06] date with a

[1:13:06] young lady

[1:13:07] so what do

[1:13:07] you do

[1:13:07] for living

[1:13:08] so much

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:09] for a genie

[1:13:11] check please

[1:13:12] another one of

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:16] these genie

[1:13:17] guys

[1:13:17] I'll have

[1:13:18] what he's

[1:13:18] having

[1:13:19] now why

[1:13:24] what does the

[1:13:24] genie get out

Dan McCoy

[1:13:25] of you doing

[1:13:25] this

[1:13:26] I mean I assume

Dan McCoy

[1:13:26] that I get up

[1:13:26] and watch

[1:13:27] first thing in

[1:13:28] the morning

[1:13:28] just to get

[1:13:29] it over

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:29] that's how

[1:13:30] you would

[1:13:30] schedule your

[1:13:31] day

[1:13:31] yeah you

[1:13:32] want to

[1:13:32] start on a

[1:13:33] high note

[1:13:33] why not

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:36] watch it

[1:13:36] late at night

[1:13:37] when you're

[1:13:38] sleepy and

[1:13:38] maybe you

[1:13:38] miss the

[1:13:39] end of it

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:39] no because

[1:13:40] then you

[1:13:41] avoid that

[1:13:41] contract

[1:13:42] dude

[1:13:42] this genie's

[1:13:44] tough

[1:13:44] yeah

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:45] so but

[1:13:46] what if

[1:13:46] let's

[1:13:47] okay let's

[1:13:48] look at my

[1:13:48] day

[1:13:48] sure

[1:13:49] so

[1:13:50] Sammy gets

[1:13:51] up

[1:13:52] 730

[1:13:53] I guess

[1:13:53] Sammy's

[1:13:54] your dog

[1:13:55] Sammy's my

[1:13:56] son that you've

[1:13:56] met

[1:13:56] almost two

[1:13:58] and a half

[1:13:58] year old

[1:13:58] child you've

[1:13:59] met

[1:13:59] he's the

[1:14:00] light of

[1:14:00] my life

[1:14:01] he wrote a

[1:14:01] song called

[1:14:02] lego chicken

[1:14:02] nugget

[1:14:03] and I really

[1:14:04] like it a lot

[1:14:04] he uh

[1:14:05] so

[1:14:06] he wakes up

[1:14:08] around like

[1:14:08] 730

[1:14:08] so do I

[1:14:09] get up

[1:14:09] before him

[1:14:10] at like

[1:14:10] 530

[1:14:11] and watch

[1:14:11] the last

[1:14:11] vegas

[1:14:12] that way

[1:14:12] I'm already

[1:14:13] pooped

[1:14:13] before I'm

[1:14:14] even taking

[1:14:14] care of him

[1:14:15] but then

[1:14:16] if I'm

[1:14:16] I can't

[1:14:17] take care of

[1:14:17] him while

[1:14:18] watching the

[1:14:18] movie

[1:14:18] I gotta

[1:14:19] do it

[1:14:20] what

[1:14:20] during his

[1:14:21] nap

[1:14:21] or I guess

[1:14:22] I mean we

[1:14:23] have a nanny

[1:14:23] now

[1:14:23] maybe Sammy

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:25] can sign up

[1:14:25] for this

[1:14:26] genie deal

[1:14:26] and then

[1:14:26] he'll have

[1:14:27] to watch

[1:14:27] it with

[1:14:27] you

[1:14:28] I don't

[1:14:28] want him

[1:14:28] watching that

[1:14:28] much television

[1:14:29] at his age

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:30] certainly not

[1:14:32] what's he

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:32] not watching

[1:14:33] television

[1:14:33] he's gonna have

[1:14:34] unrealistic views

[1:14:35] of being old

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:35] he's gotta

[1:14:36] understand

[1:14:37] that it's

[1:14:37] okay to

[1:14:38] objectify

[1:14:39] women if

[1:14:39] you're an

[1:14:39] old man

[1:14:40] but he's

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:40] gotta understand

[1:14:41] that he's

[1:14:42] got unlimited

[1:14:43] money for life

[1:14:43] as long as

[1:14:44] he watches

[1:14:44] this fucking

[1:14:45] movie

[1:14:45] that's the

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:45] other thing

[1:14:46] then

[1:14:46] so

[1:14:46] does that

[1:14:48] pass on

[1:14:48] to the next

[1:14:48] generation

[1:14:49] or

[1:14:49] when I die

[1:14:51] does the

[1:14:52] credit card

[1:14:52] get cut off

[1:14:53] and suddenly

[1:14:53] my family

[1:14:55] is a bunch

[1:14:56] of checks

[1:14:56] for money

[1:14:57] on the

[1:14:58] the genie

[1:14:58] pays that

[1:14:59] off and

[1:14:59] we're like

[1:14:59] see ya

[1:15:00] we've got

[1:15:01] enough money

[1:15:01] I just

[1:15:02] charged a hundred

[1:15:02] million dollars

[1:15:03] worth of

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:03] yeah I think

[1:15:04] he just

[1:15:04] loopholed this

[1:15:05] genie

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:05] yeah take

[1:15:06] that genie

[1:15:06] because I

[1:15:07] don't need

[1:15:07] infinite money

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:08] yeah

[1:15:09] I just need

[1:15:09] a lot of

[1:15:10] money

[1:15:10] yeah you're

[1:15:10] just doubling

[1:15:11] down to

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:12] Georgia

[1:15:12] that genie

[1:15:13] and now

[1:15:13] here's the

[1:15:14] other question

[1:15:14] what's the

[1:15:15] credit limit

[1:15:16] on this

[1:15:18] because it's

[1:15:18] not like

[1:15:18] it's a magic

[1:15:19] card I think

[1:15:19] it's got no

[1:15:20] credit limit

[1:15:20] it's a magic

[1:15:21] card

[1:15:21] there's no such

[1:15:22] thing as a

[1:15:22] free lunch

[1:15:23] day

[1:15:23] there's always

[1:15:24] a catch

[1:15:24] there's gotta

[1:15:25] be one

[1:15:25] there's probably

[1:15:26] a catch

[1:15:26] just last

[1:15:27] vegas

[1:15:27] there's probably

[1:15:27] like a

[1:15:28] ninety five

[1:15:29] dollar annual

[1:15:29] fee

[1:15:30] but also

[1:15:31] so

[1:15:32] but it's like

[1:15:33] can I only

[1:15:33] charge up to

[1:15:34] a certain

[1:15:34] amount

[1:15:34] for certain

[1:15:35] times

[1:15:36] or is this

[1:15:36] just an

[1:15:36] infinity

[1:15:37] card

[1:15:37] genie

[1:15:38] write in

[1:15:39] and explain

[1:15:40] this

Dan McCoy

[1:15:40] yeah

[1:15:40] and we'll

[1:15:41] see

[1:15:42] then we'll

[1:15:42] see whether

[1:15:42] we're taking

[1:15:43] your deal

[1:15:43] or not

[1:15:43] I was about

[1:15:44] to call

[1:15:44] him

[1:15:44] John B

[1:15:45] but that's

[1:15:45] racist

[1:15:45] Eugenie Levy

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:46] Eugenie Levy

[1:15:48] are you

[1:15:48] straight

[1:15:49] tripping

[1:15:49] boo

[1:15:49] you got me

[1:15:50] straight

[1:15:51] paying off

[1:15:51] your

[1:15:52] boo

[1:15:52] um

[1:15:54] are you

[1:15:56] straight

[1:15:56] tripping

Dan McCoy

[1:15:56] boo

[1:15:57] so

[1:15:58] yeah

[1:15:59] let us know

[1:15:59] I would watch

[1:15:59] that show

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:00] shits creek

[1:16:00] with Eugene

[1:16:01] Levy if he

[1:16:02] said that

[1:16:02] line in

[1:16:02] every episode

[1:16:03] maybe it's a

Dan McCoy

[1:16:06] fine show

[1:16:07] I haven't

[1:16:07] seen it

[1:16:07] last

[1:16:08] letter of

[1:16:10] the evening

[1:16:10] it's titled

[1:16:11] I'm a

[1:16:12] genie

[1:16:13] it's titled

[1:16:14] in response

[1:16:15] to Dan and

[1:16:15] the golden

[1:16:16] child

[1:16:16] asking if

[1:16:17] people knew

[1:16:17] what he was

[1:16:18] talking about

[1:16:19] and it goes

[1:16:20] like this

[1:16:20] this isn't

[1:16:20] streganona

[1:16:21] is it

[1:16:21] I do

[1:16:22] he's talking

[1:16:23] about touching

[1:16:24] his wiener

[1:16:24] sent from my

[1:16:26] iphone

[1:16:26] rick

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:27] oh

[1:16:28] I don't

[1:16:30] remember what

[1:16:30] that's what

[1:16:31] I was talking

[1:16:31] about

[1:16:31] I don't remember

[1:16:31] what it was

[1:16:32] in reference

[1:16:32] to

[1:16:33] I was talking

[1:16:33] about touching

[1:16:34] your wiener

[1:16:34] you were touching

[1:16:35] my wiener

[1:16:36] yeah

[1:16:36] why

[1:16:37] why were you

[1:16:38] doing that

[1:16:38] when we were

[1:16:39] recording

[1:16:39] yeah just to

[1:16:40] see

[1:16:41] just to see

[1:16:42] what if it's

[1:16:42] still there

[1:16:43] yeah man

[1:16:44] what's going

[1:16:44] on

[1:16:46] what's going

[1:16:47] on

[1:16:47] I'm just curious

[1:16:48] I'm the only

[1:16:48] one with a

[1:16:49] child

[1:16:49] I'm the only

[1:16:49] one who has

[1:16:50] physical evidence

[1:16:51] that he has a

[1:16:52] penis

[1:16:52] that functions

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:53] he was doing it

[1:16:55] as some kind of

[1:16:56] fertility idol

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:57] oh well that

[1:16:58] makes sense

[1:16:58] then okay

[1:16:58] that's all you

[1:16:59] had to say

Dan McCoy

[1:16:59] for all I know

[1:17:00] you're like

[1:17:01] a kindle

[1:17:01] down there

[1:17:02] a kindle

[1:17:03] a kindle

[1:17:04] you're a kindle

[1:17:06] down there

[1:17:07] you're like

[1:17:07] sort of a

[1:17:08] pleasant experience

[1:17:09] but there's

[1:17:10] something a little

[1:17:10] off about it

[1:17:11] it kind of

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:11] hurts your eyes

[1:17:12] eventually

[1:17:12] yeah you don't

Dan McCoy

[1:17:13] really enjoy it

[1:17:13] as much as

[1:17:14] like

[1:17:14] normal

[1:17:15] no but that's

[1:17:15] true my penis

[1:17:16] is not a full

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:16] substitute for

[1:17:17] an actual book

[1:17:18] yeah

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:19] so now what

[1:17:21] do we do

[1:17:21] in this fucking

[1:17:21] thing

Dan McCoy

[1:17:22] now the last

[1:17:24] and final

[1:17:26] those two words

[1:17:27] mean the same

[1:17:28] thing

[1:17:28] segment on the

[1:17:30] show

[1:17:30] the post

[1:17:30] penultimate

[1:17:31] segment

[1:17:32] is

[1:17:34] uh

[1:17:35] recommendations

[1:17:37] movies that we

[1:17:38] watched that we

[1:17:39] actually liked

[1:17:40] that we would

[1:17:41] recommend people

[1:17:41] to watch

[1:17:42] without the

[1:17:43] usual

[1:17:44] caveats

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:45] okay so

[1:17:46] there's a new

[1:17:46] segment where we

[1:17:47] recommend a movie

[1:17:48] we like

[1:17:49] not new

Dan McCoy

[1:17:49] it literally

[1:17:50] goes back

[1:17:51] first episode

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:52] of the show

[1:17:53] we'll see if it

[1:17:54] sticks

[1:17:54] we gotta constantly

[1:17:55] reinvent ourselves

[1:17:57] try it out

Dan McCoy

[1:17:57] we're like madonna

[1:17:58] that way

[1:17:59] goes back to

[1:18:00] episode number

[1:18:00] one

[1:18:01] uh

[1:18:02] is there a movie

[1:18:03] i mean i'll go

[1:18:04] if you uh

[1:18:05] you're talking

[1:18:06] keep going

[1:18:07] sure

[1:18:07] uh

[1:18:08] i watched a

[1:18:09] little movie

[1:18:10] that

[1:18:11] um

[1:18:13] a lot of

[1:18:14] people

[1:18:14] i think

[1:18:15] dismissed

[1:18:16] without

[1:18:17] seeing it

[1:18:19] for a couple

[1:18:19] of good

[1:18:20] reasons

[1:18:20] number one

[1:18:22] it has a

[1:18:22] totally stupid

[1:18:23] title

[1:18:23] number two

[1:18:25] it had a

[1:18:25] terrible

[1:18:26] uh

[1:18:27] it's called

[1:18:27] jurassic park

[1:18:28] number two

[1:18:30] it had a

[1:18:30] terrible trailer

[1:18:31] number three

[1:18:33] it was written

[1:18:34] by someone

[1:18:35] that the

[1:18:36] internet

[1:18:36] has decided

[1:18:37] they hate

[1:18:38] that's

[1:18:39] diablo

[1:18:39] cody

[1:18:39] okay

[1:18:40] but i watched

[1:18:41] a movie called

[1:18:42] ricky and the

[1:18:42] flash

[1:18:42] she made the

[1:18:43] mistake of

[1:18:44] being successful

[1:18:44] yeah

[1:18:46] and uh

[1:18:48] i really liked

[1:18:48] ricky and the

[1:18:49] flash

[1:18:49] it was

[1:18:50] i mean

[1:18:51] you gotta

[1:18:51] i watched it

[1:18:52] because

[1:18:53] jonathan demmey

[1:18:54] directed it

[1:18:54] and jonathan demmey

[1:18:56] is one of my

[1:18:56] favorite directors

[1:18:57] it's weird

[1:18:58] he of

[1:18:59] stop making

[1:19:00] sense

[1:19:01] and something

[1:19:02] wild

[1:19:02] and silence

[1:19:03] of the lambs

[1:19:04] uh

[1:19:05] it's funny how

[1:19:07] that first movie

[1:19:08] is about music

[1:19:08] and the last movie

[1:19:09] is about silence

[1:19:10] yeah

[1:19:10] and rachel getting

[1:19:12] married which i

[1:19:13] like a lot more

[1:19:14] than most people

[1:19:14] do

[1:19:15] like me

[1:19:15] i don't like it

[1:19:17] very much either

[1:19:17] but hey it's a

[1:19:18] free country you

[1:19:19] can like whatever

[1:19:19] you want

[1:19:19] well then you

[1:19:20] probably won't

[1:19:21] like ricky and

[1:19:21] the flash because

[1:19:22] i feel like it's

[1:19:23] a slightly worse

[1:19:24] version of rachel

[1:19:25] getting married

[1:19:25] and that

[1:19:26] it's about

[1:19:26] meryl streep

[1:19:27] as a rock star

[1:19:27] right

[1:19:28] well but it's

[1:19:29] also like she

[1:19:30] goes back home

[1:19:31] first to comfort

[1:19:32] her daughter

[1:19:34] who is getting

[1:19:35] divorced but

[1:19:36] then to uh

[1:19:37] go to the

[1:19:38] wedding of her

[1:19:39] son who is

[1:19:40] getting gay

[1:19:41] married and

[1:19:42] or married

[1:19:43] as it's called

S5

[1:19:44] i'm going to

Dan McCoy

[1:19:45] specify i'm

[1:19:46] specifying that

[1:19:47] because she is

[1:19:48] she plays like

[1:19:49] kind of a

[1:19:49] republican uh

[1:19:50] character in

[1:19:51] the uh

[1:19:53] ricky

[1:19:53] movie so she

[1:19:54] like it it's a

[1:19:56] difference that

[1:19:56] would not um

[1:19:57] okay pass her

[1:19:59] by her

[1:20:00] character uh

[1:20:02] but

[1:20:02] it's

[1:20:04] you know it's

[1:20:06] the same sort

[1:20:06] of like

[1:20:07] a family gets

[1:20:08] together and

[1:20:09] then there's a

[1:20:09] lot of music

[1:20:10] sort of movie

[1:20:12] that rachel

[1:20:12] getting married

[1:20:13] was oh

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:13] yes you're

[1:20:14] probably right

[1:20:14] that i won't

[1:20:15] like it um

[1:20:16] but you never

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:16] know yeah but

[1:20:17] rachel getting

[1:20:18] married had

[1:20:18] ellie's ex

[1:20:19] girlfriend so

[1:20:19] you had some

[1:20:20] extra baggage

[1:20:21] right off the

[1:20:21] bat i was not

[1:20:22] into it and

[1:20:23] also not my

[1:20:23] ex-girlfriend

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:24] it's a little

[1:20:25] doesn't know i

Dan McCoy

[1:20:26] exist it's a

[1:20:27] little uh

[1:20:28] self-indulgent

[1:20:28] towards the end

[1:20:29] with all the

[1:20:30] um musical

[1:20:31] numbers especially

[1:20:32] because i don't

[1:20:33] think that uh i

[1:20:35] mean as good as

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:37] self-indulgent

[1:20:37] raves dan

[1:20:38] mccoy

Dan McCoy

[1:20:39] as good as

[1:20:40] as good as

[1:20:41] is in the uh

[1:20:43] live musical

[1:20:44] numbers uh

[1:20:45] because they're

[1:20:46] all they are

[1:20:46] all done

[1:20:47] like they're

[1:20:49] all like

[1:20:50] she's actually

[1:20:51] doing it

[1:20:51] performing

[1:20:52] yeah as good

[1:20:53] as she is

[1:20:53] like she's not

[1:20:54] necessarily as

[1:20:55] good as you

[1:20:55] would want her

[1:20:56] to be

[1:20:56] considering

[1:20:57] she's a great

[1:20:58] actress not a

[1:20:58] rock star yeah

[1:20:59] considering there's

[1:20:59] like 50 musical

[1:21:00] numbers in the

[1:21:01] movie you'd be

[1:21:02] like all right

[1:21:02] that's enough of

[1:21:03] this but she's

[1:21:04] better than in

[1:21:04] mamma mia right

[1:21:05] she's definitely

[1:21:06] better than

[1:21:06] mamma mia what

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:07] about into the

[1:21:07] woods is she

[1:21:09] into the woods

[1:21:09] she's better

[1:21:11] than into the

[1:21:11] woods okay

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:12] is she better

[1:21:13] than in

[1:21:14] kramer versus

[1:21:15] kramer where

Dan McCoy

[1:21:15] she doesn't sing

[1:21:16] no she's not

[1:21:18] kramer

[1:21:18] okay

[1:21:19] uh but it's

[1:21:21] you know it's

[1:21:22] got her and

[1:21:24] kevin klein plays

[1:21:25] her ex-husband

[1:21:26] and i always

[1:21:26] love seeing

[1:21:27] kevin klein

[1:21:27] basically any

[1:21:29] fucking thing

[1:21:30] mr fish odor

[1:21:31] um so if

[1:21:33] you were put

[1:21:34] off by the

[1:21:35] stupid fucking

[1:21:36] name or as

[1:21:37] i said the

[1:21:38] terrible trailer

[1:21:39] that's not a

[1:21:40] bad name give

[1:21:41] it and neither

[1:21:41] of those things

[1:21:42] give it a chance

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:42] yeah if anything

[1:21:44] you reminded me

[1:21:45] that john damme

[1:21:45] directed it puts

[1:21:47] me off

[1:21:47] wait really

[1:21:48] we know that you

[1:21:49] know this i'm not

[1:21:50] such a huge fan

[1:21:50] of this really

[1:21:51] yeah he's all

[1:21:52] right all right

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:53] yeah you saw

[1:21:54] truth about charlie

[1:21:55] and you're like

[1:21:55] fuck this guy

[1:21:56] i was like tell

[1:21:56] me some lies

[1:21:57] about charlie

[1:21:57] if this is the

[1:21:58] truth uh well

[1:22:00] you just reminded

[1:22:01] me how awesome

[1:22:02] silverado is

[1:22:03] another movie with

[1:22:04] kevin klein but

[1:22:04] that's not my

[1:22:05] recommendation i'll

[1:22:06] recommend that at

[1:22:07] another time if i

[1:22:08] haven't already

[1:22:08] uh so i recently

[1:22:10] watched the

[1:22:11] invitation which

[1:22:13] is a uh thriller

[1:22:15] uh i can't

[1:22:17] remember uh i

[1:22:18] don't remember the

[1:22:19] name of the

[1:22:19] director but she

[1:22:20] directed girl fight

[1:22:21] and she also

[1:22:22] directed aeon

[1:22:23] flux and uh

[1:22:25] another movie or

[1:22:26] two but she's uh

[1:22:28] she's been around

[1:22:29] and made a couple

[1:22:29] of movies and

[1:22:30] this is a fairly

[1:22:30] small movie it's

[1:22:32] a thriller it's

[1:22:33] about a uh a

[1:22:35] guy who is

[1:22:36] invited to a

[1:22:37] dinner party with

[1:22:37] some old friends

[1:22:38] and it's being

[1:22:39] hosted at his

[1:22:40] ex's house uh

[1:22:43] who he hasn't

[1:22:43] seen in quite a

[1:22:44] while and the

[1:22:45] two of them uh

[1:22:47] split up under

[1:22:48] after some kind

[1:22:49] of a trauma

[1:22:50] and it is uh

[1:22:52] really tense and

[1:22:54] it's also i i

[1:22:55] think in a lot of

[1:22:56] ways very true to

[1:22:57] life and it uh

[1:22:58] it reflects the

[1:22:59] way people kind of

[1:23:00] get over uh

[1:23:01] grief or like deal

[1:23:02] with grief a little

[1:23:03] bit um and it's a

[1:23:05] great thriller so

[1:23:06] check it out the

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:07] invitation i'm

[1:23:08] gonna recommend a

[1:23:10] less new movie than

[1:23:11] you guys recommended

[1:23:13] which is no way

[1:23:14] i'm usually pretty

[1:23:15] cutting edge with my

[1:23:16] recommendations you

[1:23:17] usually recommend a

[1:23:18] movie that comes

[1:23:19] out in three years

[1:23:20] yeah uh i'm gonna

[1:23:22] recommend a movie

[1:23:23] from the 70s called

[1:23:25] uh china nine liberty

[1:23:28] 37 which i originally

[1:23:30] recorded because the

[1:23:31] title is crazy uh but

[1:23:34] or it's a but it's a

[1:23:35] spaghetti western the

[1:23:36] italian title was

[1:23:37] amore piamba i

[1:23:38] fiori or something

[1:23:40] like that uh which

[1:23:41] is like love

[1:23:42] something and

[1:23:42] i don't know

[1:23:43] perfect

[1:23:43] it's a great

[1:23:44] pronunciation uh

[1:23:45] but i know it as

[1:23:46] china nine liberty

[1:23:47] 37 it's a monty

[1:23:49] hellman movie who

[1:23:50] did you know like

[1:23:51] two lane blacktop and

[1:23:52] cockfighter and uh

[1:23:54] it was just called

[1:23:55] cockfight

[1:23:55] cockfight i believe

[1:23:57] and uh it stars war

[1:23:59] notes who worked with

[1:24:00] them a lot and the

[1:24:01] italian actor fabio

[1:24:03] testi and also jenny

[1:24:04] agutter however it's

[1:24:05] pronounced from uh

[1:24:06] from uh walkabout

[1:24:08] and she's on call the

[1:24:10] midwife now

[1:24:11] american war from london

[1:24:12] yeah and it's the

[1:24:15] story of a gunman who

[1:24:17] is about to be hanged

[1:24:18] and they say hey the

[1:24:19] railroad wants this this

[1:24:21] ex-gunman dead

[1:24:21] they say hey hey

[1:24:23] hey dude

Dan McCoy

[1:24:24] it's kind of like that

[1:24:25] salute your shorts

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:26] the the railroad wants

[1:24:28] this ex-gunfighter dead

[1:24:29] if you kill him you're

[1:24:31] off the hook we're not

[1:24:32] gonna hang you uh but

[1:24:33] he finds comes to like

[1:24:34] the guy war notes who's

[1:24:36] this ex-gunfighter who's

[1:24:37] still a super tough guy

[1:24:38] and unfortunately falls

[1:24:41] for the gunfighter's

[1:24:42] much younger wife and

[1:24:43] it's like a spaghetti

[1:24:43] western with a film noir

[1:24:45] plot applied to it uh

[1:24:48] and it's a movie that

[1:24:49] i'm recommending partly

[1:24:50] because i enjoyed it it's

[1:24:51] not the most amazing

[1:24:52] movie in the world but

[1:24:53] it's a really good solid

[1:24:54] spaghetti western and if

[1:24:56] you wanted to see the

[1:24:57] mother superior from uh

[1:24:59] from call the midwife

[1:25:01] nude she's nude in a

[1:25:02] bunch of scenes in it

[1:25:03] but uh the but it's

[1:25:05] also a movie that has

[1:25:07] never i think received a

[1:25:09] home video release i

[1:25:11] saw it because it was

[1:25:12] on turner classic movies

[1:25:13] and so it's one of those

[1:25:14] movies i'm saying that

[1:25:15] you should if you like

[1:25:16] spaghetti westerns you're

[1:25:18] not you might not see it

[1:25:19] unless you're looking out

[1:25:20] for it or you happen to

[1:25:21] catch it it's got that

[1:25:22] that catchy title yeah

[1:25:23] but also the what is it

Dan McCoy

[1:25:26] china 32 china 9 liberty

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:29] 37 which it turns out is

[1:25:30] what two signs at the

[1:25:31] beginning of the movie

[1:25:32] oh it's not it's not

[1:25:33] like a town called

[1:25:34] not like a volleyball

[1:25:35] score no well that's the

[1:25:36] i was like i cannot

[1:25:37] begin to understand what

[1:25:39] this title means but uh

[1:25:41] because it's i don't know

[1:25:43] that it was ever fully

[1:25:44] released on film uh it's

[1:25:48] one of the few times

[1:25:48] where i'm going to say

[1:25:49] like you should download

[1:25:51] this movie if you want to

[1:25:52] see it because you

[1:25:54] shouldn't i don't like

[1:25:54] people who download

[1:25:55] movies for free when

[1:25:56] they could pay to see

[1:25:56] them but if the owners

[1:25:58] of the rights are

[1:25:59] seemingly going out of

[1:26:01] their way not to make

[1:26:01] it available readily

[1:26:02] then like go for it

[1:26:04] and it's one of the few

[1:26:05] times that i'll say that

[1:26:06] about a movie so it's

[1:26:06] almost partly for the

[1:26:08] novelty of that that i'm

[1:26:09] saying go see it but i

[1:26:10] enjoyed it china 9 liberty

[1:26:11] 37 a title that sounds

[1:26:14] crazy and dan is taking

[1:26:17] pictures of stewart holding

[1:26:18] archie archie's a cat not

[1:26:21] a human

[1:26:21] no art yet i'm not archie

[1:26:23] andrews

Dan McCoy

[1:26:23] it's adorable uh but as

[1:26:29] you know no matter how

[1:26:30] adorable it is all good

[1:26:31] things need to come to an

[1:26:32] end as seasons change so

[1:26:34] does the podcast seasons

[1:26:35] change with the scenery

[1:26:37] weaving time in a tapestry

[1:26:39] yeah hazy shade of winter

[1:26:41] why don't you stop and

[1:26:42] remember us two dogs a baby

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:45] dog comes out uh and that

[1:26:48] dog will one day have sex

[1:26:49] with another dog and so

[1:26:50] forth and so on

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:51] returning to the earth like

[1:26:53] so much dead dog

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:55] really stop being a metaphor

[1:26:58] at the end

Dan McCoy

[1:26:58] okay well thank you for that

[1:27:02] i am for the flop house i've

[1:27:05] been dan mccoy

[1:27:06] hey i'm steward wellington

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:07] and what's up elliot

[1:27:09] caitlin over here saying

[1:27:10] bye

[1:27:11] peace

[1:27:13] see ya so long

[1:27:15] goodbye i love you

S5

[1:27:17] this is character i'm

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:27] workshopping for when i'm

[1:27:28] calling around asking about

[1:27:30] my wife to find out what

[1:27:31] she's been up to i'll call

[1:27:33] charlene's bar and be like

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:34] uh hello

[1:27:35] je m'appelle jody

[1:27:37] is charlene there how you say

[1:27:40] there she's uh working we

[1:27:43] they're like no she

[1:27:45] that is what you say

[1:27:46] working

[1:27:47] is you wear a bride of the

[1:27:51] robot pinball machine

[1:27:53] sir no we got rid of that

Stuart Wellington

[1:28:00] pinball machine years ago

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:01] oh yeah we we i mean yes

Stuart Wellington

[1:28:07] yes uh why now i'm doing

[1:28:08] it now i'm doing a cool

[1:28:10] character

[1:28:10] maximum fun.org comedy and

[1:28:14] culture artist owned

[1:28:16] listener supported

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:17] hi i'm lisa hannah walt and

[1:28:22] i'm emily heller and if

[1:28:23] you're not listening to our

[1:28:23] podcast baby geniuses you're

[1:28:25] missing out on stuff like

[1:28:26] kamil nanjiani solving the

S4

[1:28:28] zodiac murders

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:29] oh who's like would you ever

[1:28:31] go to a friend and you're

[1:28:32] like hey could you

[1:28:32] lick all these

S4

[1:28:33] lick all these envelopes for

[1:28:35] me you'd be like you're a

[1:28:36] serial killer

[1:28:36] definitely i'm leaving right

[1:28:40] now

S5

[1:28:40] guy branham talking about

[1:28:42] ruth bader ginsburg um and

Stuart Wellington

[1:28:44] it was it was just a great

[1:28:45] moment of like oh no i'm

[1:28:47] here boys like i'm on this

[1:28:48] side of the bench

Dan McCoy

[1:28:49] megan amram talking about

[1:28:51] intimidating baristas

S4

[1:28:52] just feel like they're always

[1:28:53] in character like they're

[1:28:55] always in character as like

[1:28:56] cool hipster girl and i just

[1:29:00] want to break through that

S5

[1:29:01] barrier plus every week we

[1:29:02] explore a new wikipedia page

[1:29:04] and talk to a crazy expert in

[1:29:05] the field of nonsense

[1:29:06] well any any hack can make

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:09] you not have a boner i mean

[1:29:10] that's it's about how you do

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:11] it right and we're the only

[1:29:13] podcast with regular updates

[1:29:14] about martha stewart's pony

[1:29:16] or your money back we're not

[1:29:17] going to give them their money

[1:29:18] back are we

S5

[1:29:19] no let's keep it yeah

[1:29:22] listen to our show every other

[1:29:23] monday on maximum fun

[1:29:24] yay

[1:29:25] Yay!

Ep. #203 - Look Who's Talking Now

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