Ep. #204 - We Are Your Friends

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we watched We Are Your Friends.

Elliott Kalan

[0:04] We are your friends, Dan.

[0:06] Thanks.

[0:07] Yeah, me too.

[0:08] So sign over all your stuff to us.

Dan McCoy

[0:11] Oh, okay.

[0:12] I'll just...

[0:12] Like a friend.

[0:13] All right.

Stuart Wellington

[0:15] There you go.

[0:16] Good foley work.

[0:18] Are we done with this part yet?

Dan McCoy

[0:30] Oh, okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00] Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00] And keeping it electric and on target, I'm Elliot Kalem.

[1:04] Oh, man.

[1:07] Dan, I'm DJing.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08] Oh, okay.

[1:08] All right.

[1:09] Yeah.

[1:09] And I'm blowing out everybody's earphones.

[1:10] He's electric.

[1:11] I'm on target.

[1:12] We're a DJ team.

[1:15] Elliot primarily handles the music.

[1:17] I handle the dancing.

[1:19] And the snacks.

[1:20] Yeah, and the snacks, of course.

[1:22] Stuart's what we call a snack artist or a snartist.

[1:26] Mm-hmm.

[1:27] So I got Nutter Butters.

[1:29] I got, I don't know, Zingers.

[1:33] Yeah.

[1:34] Famous snack Zingers.

[1:36] Yeah.

[1:36] Well, Zingers are great because they're less expensive than, I don't know, like Hostess

[1:39] brand snacks.

Dan McCoy

[1:41] Which one is that?

[1:44] Is that like a Twinkie?

Stuart Wellington

[1:45] Yeah, it's an upside down Twinkie with like a layer of frosting on it.

Dan McCoy

[1:50] How can you tell whether the Twinkie's upside down or not?

Stuart Wellington

[1:53] Oh, because it's Australian.

[1:54] Yeah.

[1:55] Oh, good.

[1:57] It's pretty obvious, dude.

[1:58] I'm full of cream, mate.

[2:01] Yep.

[2:02] And you're like, the snacks talking to me.

[2:04] I must have been doing some of those party drugs that we saw in this movie.

[2:07] In this movie.

[2:08] Damn.

[2:08] What do we do on this podcast that we watched a movie about?

Dan McCoy

[2:11] We watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[2:13] And then in this case, we watched a movie called We Are Your Friends.

Elliott Kalan

[2:16] And I think in this episode, we're also going to be feeding you a lot of black coffee and

[2:20] walking you up and down the apartment to counteract the sedatives I think you took.

Dan McCoy

[2:24] Am I really that low energy?

[2:27] I can't tell whether you're...

[2:28] You sound a little sleepy.

[2:30] Well, I am sleepy.

[2:32] I was out last night and I have a minor cold.

Elliott Kalan

[2:36] At some kind of DJ rave?

[2:37] Yeah, I am.

[2:38] That makes sense.

[2:39] Did you go to Social, the club that our heroes hang out at?

[2:43] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[2:43] Do you go to a club that is, I'm assuming, fictional because it appears in a work of fiction?

Dan McCoy

[2:50] That's right.

[2:51] No, I hung out with our mutual friend, Liz.

[2:54] Oh, that makes sense.

[2:56] So you can understand.

[2:56] Hey, here's my impression of a listener.

Elliott Kalan

[2:58] Bored.

[2:59] I don't know who Liz is and I don't care.

[3:02] Oh, shoot.

[3:02] I'm snoring.

[3:04] Come on, movie monkeys.

[3:05] Talk about the movie.

Dan McCoy

[3:06] I just knew that Stuart would understand.

[3:08] Hey, you know who wouldn't understand?

Elliott Kalan

[3:11] Everyone who's not Stuart.

[3:12] Who's listening to this.

[3:13] Right now.

Stuart Wellington

[3:14] Saying, I'm not interested.

[3:16] The thing is, LA, with, you know, auditory experiences, you just kind of reach out and

[3:21] find that one person that you connect with.

Elliott Kalan

[3:24] Here's the thing.

[3:24] Here's the one person that we connect with.

[3:25] In this case, it's me.

[3:25] It would be you and I guess Liz.

Dan McCoy

[3:28] We are your friends, you know, and in this case, it's me acting as if you're my friend

[3:33] and you know what the hell I'm talking about.

[3:35] You're talking to the listener right now.

[3:36] Yeah.

[3:36] Okay.

[3:37] Because I am your friend.

Stuart Wellington

[3:38] Yeah.

[3:39] You're looking at me.

[3:39] Although the relationship sounds strange.

[3:42] It sounds, yeah.

[3:43] I'm your friend.

[3:45] So this was a movie and I gotta be upfront about this, dudes.

[3:50] My wife is friends slash, I guess, acquaintances with the director, Max Joseph.

[3:57] You really downgraded the relationship.

[3:59] Well, I don't know how close, like she says friend, but you know sometimes when you hear

[4:03] like a person who does something famous, you're like, oh, that's my friend.

[4:07] You're like, really, friend?

[4:08] And Facebook has downgraded what it means to be a friend.

Elliott Kalan

[4:11] Yeah, I guess so.

[4:12] Yeah.

[4:13] Because if, because if, because if, here's what you would usually say.

Dan McCoy

[4:15] If you've met someone and had a pleasant interaction with them.

[4:18] Suddenly you're a friend.

[4:18] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[4:19] But are you friendly enough with them that you would say, thank you for being a friend.

[4:23] Travel down the road and back again.

[4:25] Your heart is true.

[4:26] You're a pal and a confidant.

[4:28] And if you threw a party, and this is the real test.

[4:31] Okay.

[4:31] Invited everyone you knew.

[4:33] Everybody.

[4:34] Why would I do that?

[4:35] Invite, for this is a hypothetical situation, which you have theoretically, just for this.

[4:39] I mean, I know a lot of people.

[4:41] Look, Dan, could Einstein really ride a light ray?

[4:44] No.

[4:44] Okay.

[4:44] He couldn't ride a beam of light, but for the thought experiment's sake, he would pretend

[4:48] he could.

[4:48] So for this thought experiment, you've invited everyone you know, even people you don't like.

Dan McCoy

[4:53] All the people I know are dancing on the head of a pin.

Elliott Kalan

[4:56] Yeah, exactly.

Stuart Wellington

[4:57] Wait, it's a party where people give you gifts, right?

[5:01] Exactly.

[5:02] So why are you inviting them to your own party?

[5:04] That seems kind of like you're stacking the...

[5:07] Like, if you're like, I'm throwing a party, and I want people to give me gifts, I'm going

[5:11] to invite...

Stuart Wellington

[5:11] Yeah, it's called a birthday.

[5:13] Do you invite...

[5:14] I mean, usually birthday parties just happen for me.

Elliott Kalan

[5:17] You just walk into a room, and there's a spontaneous birthday.

[5:21] So here's the point I'm getting at.

[5:22] If you threw a party, invited everyone you knew...

[5:24] Oh, thanks for getting back on track.

[5:25] Everyone you knew.

[5:27] You would see the biggest gift would be for me.

Stuart Wellington

[5:32] And the car is bigger.

[5:34] Is that value or size?

[5:36] Okay.

[5:36] What are we talking about?

[5:37] Both.

[5:38] Oh, wow.

[5:38] So it's like a diamond the size of...

[5:40] It's enormous.

[5:41] If anything, it's too big.

Elliott Kalan

[5:42] It's too big to store.

[5:44] It is a white elephant of a gift, but it's also very valuable.

[5:47] Okay.

[5:47] If you can find the right buyer, which is hard to do in today's market.

[5:53] But the card attached would say...

[5:55] Yeah.

[5:55] It would say the card attached to this huge gift.

[5:57] Yeah.

[5:58] You might not even see the card for a while, because the gift is so big.

[6:01] It would be like seeing one window on an enormous skyscraper.

[6:04] Like it just blends in with the background.

[6:06] But eventually you would see the gift would be for me.

[6:10] And the card attached would say, thank you for being friend.

[6:17] And it would have a picture of Maxine on the front looking real craggy.

[6:21] Like real cranky.

[6:22] And she'd be saying something about, I don't know, menopause or something.

[6:25] Like getting older.

Stuart Wellington

[6:26] So that's probably from Sophia then.

[6:30] Judging by the choice of cards.

[6:31] It was Blanche.

[6:33] She would have given one of those like a picture of a bunch of hunks.

Elliott Kalan

[6:37] Yeah, Blanche, it would have been like one of those Spencer's gifts cards where it's a

[6:41] naked man with his arms behind his head and there's like a balloon in front of his crotch.

Dan McCoy

[6:44] Yeah, it's like open up for a big balloon sandwich.

[6:50] I know, it'd be some fun.

[6:51] Like open up for a giant sausage and then you just get like a...

[6:54] And there'd be a picture of like a sausage.

[6:55] Yeah, hot dogs inside.

Elliott Kalan

[6:56] And Dorothy, of course...

[6:58] You're immediately disappointed.

[7:00] Dorothy, of course, would have just gotten...

[7:01] She might have gotten you the Maxine card.

[7:03] Although she would have seen it and said, this hits too close to home.

[7:05] Put it back.

[7:06] She would have gotten you like just a card that says two named TBD from Dorothy.

[7:11] And Rose doesn't even know what she's doing.

[7:13] She buys you a fucking like Groundhog Day card if they sell those.

[7:16] And you're like, are you illiterate, Rose?

[7:19] Yes.

[7:20] Maybe in St. Olaf's this is how they do things.

[7:22] But here in Florida, we have standards for our cards.

[7:26] So Dan, the point is friendship.

[7:29] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[7:29] This movie's all about it.

[7:31] Uh-huh.

Elliott Kalan

[7:31] But it's also about...

[7:32] It's a real entourage.

Stuart Wellington

[7:33] It is kind of like...

Elliott Kalan

[7:34] We crushed some serious time with that opening, guys.

[7:37] Good job.

[7:37] So We Are Your Friends is kind of like if someone decided, I'm going to make the grim, gritty,

[7:42] realistic reboot of Entourage.

[7:44] But not grim or gritty enough to be like kids.

[7:48] No.

[7:48] Not like...

[7:49] Yeah.

[7:49] Not like grim in a sense of like...

[7:52] There's no fairytale characters.

Dan McCoy

[7:55] And not grim in the sense that Christian Bale is there like in bodysuit armor.

[8:00] Like going around and...

Elliott Kalan

[8:02] Yeah.

[8:02] No, that's true.

[8:03] That's also not part of this.

[8:05] But Wes Bentley.

Stuart Wellington

[8:06] Can we trust him?

[8:09] Wes Bentley's in this movie.

[8:10] Not Wes Studi, which I keep calling him.

Dan McCoy

[8:13] No, it's Wes Bentley.

[8:14] That would be great if there were three like young white friends and then Wes Studi.

[8:18] This is the fourth guy.

[8:20] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[8:20] I mean, it makes sense to me.

[8:22] He's awesome.

[8:23] He's awesome.

[8:23] Geronimo.

[8:24] He'd love to hang out with his...

[8:25] Fucking Deepa Rising.

[8:27] No, he's great.

[8:28] He played Magwa, bro.

[8:29] He's amazing.

[8:31] Set the range.

[8:33] He's played a terrorist, a Native American war leader.

[8:37] Yeah.

[8:38] I mean...

[8:39] No, I love him.

[8:40] Let's start Wes Studi.

[8:41] The magic lead.

Elliott Kalan

[8:41] I can see why you're having trouble with your biography of Wes Studi that you're working on.

Dan McCoy

[8:45] I don't think you've done the full research.

[8:47] Stuart has a PhD in Wes Studi.

[8:50] Yeah.

[8:51] Which is the Wes Studi studies.

Elliott Kalan

[8:52] He, for a time, changed his name to Wes Stewart.

[8:55] Yeah.

[8:56] I did?

[8:57] Yeah.

[8:57] And then Studi Wellington.

[8:59] Then Studi Wessington.

[9:00] Yeah, I spent a lot of time...

Dan McCoy

[9:02] That was his baby arch.

[9:06] I'm Studi Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[9:08] Okay.

[9:08] So, We Are Your Friends is about mainly Zac Efron as Cole, who is a young loser.

[9:15] A lump of coal.

[9:16] And he wants to be a diamond.

[9:19] That's the thing.

[9:19] Yeah.

[9:20] Yeah.

[9:20] He's the diamond in the rough in this coal.

[9:22] And boy, is it rough.

[9:24] He lives in his friend's parents' pool house in exchange for doing chores around the house.

Stuart Wellington

[9:29] And he...

[9:30] Well, you just keep going.

[9:32] You say pool house, and then you start the next sentence with house.

[9:34] I'm really...

[9:35] I'm just...

[9:35] Okay.

[9:35] Sorry.

[9:36] Keep going.

Elliott Kalan

[9:36] Sorry.

[9:37] Chores around their domicile.

Dan McCoy

[9:39] I understand what the problem was.

[9:41] Wow.

[9:41] I love it.

[9:42] He's doing his copy editing you as you talk.

[9:44] But in a dumb way.

[9:45] Like, okay.

Elliott Kalan

[9:46] You use the single most accurate word for both of these things.

[9:51] Why don't you use it to something else?

[9:53] Okay.

[9:53] That's a dead-on impression of me.

[9:55] He lives in their nautical guest building in exchange for doing chores around their bungalow.

[10:02] Okay.

[10:03] Okay.

[10:03] And I don't even know...

[10:04] I don't think it's a bungalow, but it might be.

Stuart Wellington

[10:05] And he's living with his buddy, who's like a balder, sassier version of him.

Elliott Kalan

[10:10] His buddy is the guy in all these movies who is the crazier, wilder friend to the main character.

[10:17] The man wilder.

[10:21] In another movie, he's like the Matthew Lillard to the Freddie Prinze Jr. of Zac Efron in this movie.

[10:31] So Zac Efron's Cole.

Stuart Wellington

[10:32] More like the Ben Affleck to Cole's Matt Damon.

[10:36] Yes.

[10:36] Exactly.

Dan McCoy

[10:37] But he's also a hothead.

[10:38] That's the thing.

[10:38] He's not just a goofy guy.

[10:40] He's the guy who's going to get in fights all the time.

Elliott Kalan

[10:43] Yeah.

[10:43] I mean, that's the Ben Affleck to the Matt Damon.

[10:45] All right.

[10:45] Surely.

[10:47] And also, his friend goes out with a series of Jennifers.

[10:52] Okay.

[10:52] Just like Ben Affleck.

[10:53] Oh, that's...

[10:55] And he directs Gone Baby Gone.

[10:57] Oh.

[10:59] Anyway, so Zac Efron wants to be...

[11:01] Wait a minute.

[11:01] He didn't direct Gone Baby...

[11:03] Oh, wait.

[11:03] Ben Affleck did?

[11:06] Anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[11:06] Man, I am on fire.

[11:07] If this is a question about Wes Studi, I'll go to you.

[11:10] Yeah, you're Wes.

[11:10] If you're Wes Studi, anything else, don't worry about it.

Elliott Kalan

[11:13] But Zac Efron wants to be a DJ.

[11:16] He, right now, is just barely a club promoter.

[11:19] He has two other friends.

[11:21] One whose name I can't remember, who is a drug dealer, who wears a hat, and looks kind of like

[11:24] a low-rent Johnny Depp.

[11:26] Yeah, yeah.

[11:26] The other is named Squirrel, and he's like the nerd of the group.

[11:29] Mm-hmm.

[11:30] And which means something terrible is going to happen to him later when he expresses his need

[11:34] to leave the group in some way.

[11:36] And so they're looking for a way to get rich quick, mainly through the club scene.

[11:40] They're working as a promoter for this club, Social, as promoters.

[11:44] They don't combine Voltron style into one amazing promoter.

[11:48] And the movie is somewhat narrated by Zac Efron, explaining how things work in the valley in L.A.

[11:54] and how life is over there, and you've got to stick with your buds.

[11:58] And when it comes to electronic dance music, everything is about controlling the heart rate.

[12:03] And the movie does a lot of what, like, the Big Short did, with, like, cutting to old footage

[12:09] from cartoons, old footage from medical educational shorts, you know, just a lot of text on the

[12:16] screen.

[12:16] I guess Big Short doesn't do a lot of text on the screen.

[12:18] If you like sans-serif, it's sans-serif text.

Dan McCoy

[12:22] No, sans-serif.

[12:23] Sans-serif.

[12:25] If you like...

[12:25] The Game of Thrones character.

[12:27] Sans-serif.

Elliott Kalan

[12:28] Sans-serif.

[12:31] If you like text that's just very blocky on the screen in big letters...

Dan McCoy

[12:36] If you're Wes Anderson...

[12:37] You're going to like this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[12:38] But Wes Anderson doesn't use it, this, in your face.

Dan McCoy

[12:43] Okay.

[12:43] Yeah, I mean, well, this is...

[12:45] I mean, a lot of the text...

Elliott Kalan

[12:45] Wes Anderson likes yellow text.

[12:47] This was mostly white text.

[12:49] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[12:50] Because this movie's a racist?

Elliott Kalan

[12:52] I mean, there are almost...

[12:54] There are no speaking parts of color, I think, in the entire movie.

[12:58] There are background people that are black.

[13:00] But anyway, they're a foursome.

[13:03] They are inseparable.

[13:05] Even though they don't really seem to like each other that much.

[13:08] They just kind of bond over partying and scheming.

Stuart Wellington

[13:10] Yeah, their personalities are broadly sketched out in the opening scenes of them hitting on girls and convincing people to go to social the club on Thursday night.

Elliott Kalan

[13:19] Where Wes Bentley, a hugely famous DJ, is going to be DJing.

[13:22] And Wes Bentley is kind of like an aspirational figure for Zac Efron.

[13:27] Yeah.

[13:27] He's a successful DJ.

[13:29] He's famous.

[13:31] He's got a big old house.

Dan McCoy

[13:32] Big old pool.

[13:33] Yeah.

[13:34] And a...

[13:36] He's got a cool guy haircut and beard.

Elliott Kalan

[13:38] And tell us about his assistant girlfriend, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[13:42] She's got big somethings.

[13:43] Okay.

[13:44] Well, she's famous.

[13:45] What's her name?

[13:45] Her name is Emily Radjikowski.

[13:48] Emily Ratatouille.

Elliott Kalan

[13:49] Emily Radical.

[13:53] Emily Radjikowski.

[13:53] We're going to meet you.

[13:55] Radjikowski?

[13:56] I don't know.

[13:56] It's...

[13:57] What is it?

[13:57] Radjikowski?

[13:59] Radjikowski.

[14:02] She's the girl from Gone Girl and Entourage, the movie, where she plays herself.

[14:08] Mm-hmm.

[14:08] Now, she...

[14:09] They have a meet-cute where, at a club, she is...

[14:12] They have a...

[14:13] They lock eyes.

[14:14] She and Zac Efron lock eyes across the floor, a la West Side Story.

[14:18] Yep.

[14:18] But when she finds out that he is there because he's a club promoter, she is part of the promotion team, she is not interested.

[14:25] Meanwhile, Squirrel is getting all up in some crazy club-related person.

[14:33] Yeah, I mean, Squirrel has a good night.

[14:35] It's cool.

[14:35] Yeah, he gets essentially raped in the car by a woman.

Stuart Wellington

[14:39] Don't kiss and tell about it.

Dan McCoy

[14:41] I mean, they made a whole movie about it.

[14:43] Yeah, wait, what?

Elliott Kalan

[14:44] It's called We're Your Friends.

[14:45] Yeah, I guess you're right.

[14:48] They...

[14:48] The guys decide, you know what?

[14:49] We need to start making some money.

[14:50] So they get jobs working for Daredevil's The Punisher, who runs a skeevy...

[14:55] A real estate company that basically swoops in and buys up foreclosed houses for pennies on the dollar.

[15:01] It takes a long time for these guys to realize they're involved in something shady.

[15:05] Yeah.

[15:05] The fact that the guy, when he hires them, gives them $1,000 in cash in a speech in which he's constantly holding a baseball bat,

[15:12] doesn't seem to tip them off that this guy is not on the level.

Dan McCoy

[15:15] They've never seen any movie about people cold calling things or any, like, boiler room or Wolf of Wall Street.

[15:22] I mean, he even used the term cold calling.

[15:27] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[15:27] So they must have seen one of those movies.

Elliott Kalan

[15:29] Maybe we misheard it and he said coal calling because his name is coal.

[15:32] We're even doing coal calling?

[15:34] Like, coal will call?

[15:36] Coal call customers?

[15:37] Like, yes, caveman coal.

[15:38] What is it?

[15:42] But coal ends up becoming friends with this DJ, by Wes Bentley.

[15:47] And Wes Bentley starts becoming kind of a mentor figure for him,

[15:49] even though his rowdy friends break up a party at Wes Bentley's house

[15:53] where Cole has been hired to DJ and shows to Emily Roganowski how to use his music to get a party started

[16:01] by literally reaching out with his sounds and controlling the heartbeats of the crowd.

Stuart Wellington

[16:06] Circulatory system news.

[16:08] Huddy and his ample DJ hands.

Elliott Kalan

[16:10] Here's why you want to see this movie.

[16:12] Because you like watching footage of people bouncing up and down to electronic dance music.

[16:17] Yeah.

[16:18] There's a lot of that.

[16:19] There's one scene where he's on drugs and he hallucinates that everyone is turning into cartoons.

[16:25] Rotoscoped.

[16:26] And what do those rotoscoped cartoons do?

Dan McCoy

[16:28] They bounce up and down to electronic dance music.

Elliott Kalan

[16:31] A reverse cool world.

[16:32] I guess that would be Who Framed Roger Rabbit.

Dan McCoy

[16:35] How so?

[16:37] It's like a good movie.

Elliott Kalan

[16:38] Oh, okay.

[16:39] As opposed to cool world.

[16:40] I just meant that Holly was coming out of the cool world.

[16:43] Yeah, reverse rotoscoping.

[16:44] Well, that is the third act of cool world.

[16:46] You replace cartoons with people?

[16:49] Yeah, I think so.

[16:50] With people dressed as the cartoon characters.

[16:52] Oh, yeah.

[16:52] That makes sense.

[16:53] Which would be pretty funny.

[16:55] It's like a Disney cartoon and all of Mickey's friends are being replaced by people in very cheap costumes.

Stuart Wellington

[17:00] Yeah, the movie Dick Tracy is super funny.

[17:05] Comedy of the year, right?

[17:07] Roger Rabbit.

Elliott Kalan

[17:11] He's attracted to Emily Rajkowski, even though she is claimed by Wes Bentley.

[17:17] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[17:17] But he sees Wes Bentley always hitting on other girls.

[17:20] And so there's a night...

[17:21] I'm going to skip way ahead.

[17:25] Zac Efron keeps saying, you just need one track.

[17:27] You need one track to make it big.

[17:29] He has a track he's been working on, but it's terrible.

Dan McCoy

[17:33] It's just your average garbage nonsense.

[17:36] It sounds like everything else.

Stuart Wellington

[17:37] Yeah, I mean, we should probably come out and say this.

[17:40] I know everyone has listened to this podcast and they're like, those guys probably know everything about EDM.

[17:46] That means electronic dance music.

[17:48] But we don't.

[17:50] We're not super familiar with it.

[17:51] So it all sounds like the same Nintendo music to me.

[17:54] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[17:55] No, it's got the bleeps.

[17:56] It's got the bloops.

Stuart Wellington

[17:57] It's got the bloops.

[17:58] There's the bloops.

[17:59] And there's that...

Elliott Kalan

[18:00] Thankfully, the...

Stuart Wellington

[18:04] There's the...

[18:05] Yeah, the movie does the thing where they kind of explain the difference.

[18:10] The movie does take the time.

[18:13] And then the...

Dan McCoy

[18:15] That was a chase sequence from an 80s cop show.

[18:28] They're using speedboats to follow.

Stuart Wellington

[18:31] Oh, they're about to hit some air.

[18:33] Wee, wee, wee, wee, wee.

[18:37] Landing.

[18:39] Yeah, there's a scene in the movie where they kind of describe the different types of dance music.

Elliott Kalan

[18:45] They all kind of sound the same, though.

[18:46] Here's the thing.

[18:47] You hear a lot of different...

[18:48] And I'm going to say right now.

[18:50] Just because I know...

[18:51] This is actually a conversation Stuart and I were having about something else before we watched the movie.

[18:55] Just because I don't personally like a form of art doesn't mean I don't appreciate that other people like it.

[19:01] And then it has a place.

[19:02] Just because I don't like it doesn't mean it's automatically terrible and shouldn't exist.

[19:06] That being said, especially for someone like me who listens to a lot of thrash metal, which to someone else's ear might all sound the same.

[19:13] Yep.

[19:15] All that music sounds the same to me.

[19:16] So like throughout the movie you're hearing different electronic music songs and they're all basically the same.

[19:22] The structures are almost nearly identical it seems like.

[19:26] And the differences are just kind of like which bleeps and bloops get thrown in.

[19:28] But I think it's which bleeps.

[19:30] I'm trying to sound like a super old man talking about it.

[19:32] But it's like they do a very poor job in the movie of making me feel the excitement of what that music brings to him.

[19:38] And I know they're trying.

[19:39] This is a movie that is, in a weird way, extremely sincere.

[19:46] Yeah.

[19:46] It wants to make you feel.

[19:47] Like it's not Entourage, which is about letting you inhabit a world for 90 minutes where if you are a white, straight dude, all your dreams will come true because you're super rich and women want to fall with their mouths on your dicks.

Stuart Wellington

[20:00] You travel to Valhalla, enjoy it for 90 minutes.

Elliott Kalan

[20:04] They're like, you know what, we're going to bring you inside this guy's world.

[20:07] And the movie I kept thinking of was Breaking Away.

[20:10] We're like, I don't care about bike riding.

[20:12] But I really understood that guy's need for bike riding.

[20:15] But this, I like it, just never quite connected to me.

Dan McCoy

[20:17] But Dan, you were going to say, I kept in the right direction.

[20:18] No, I do think that the movie does a pretty good job of whether or not you like the music.

[20:24] I think that it did a good job of showing that his original song wasn't that good.

[20:31] That's true.

[20:32] Like that it was an inspired version of the type of music he wanted to make.

Elliott Kalan

[20:36] I will say, the song he plays at the end, spoiler alert, he plays the song at the end, is much better than the one he plays at the beginning.

[20:42] Yeah.

[20:43] But it still sounds essentially like all the other music we've been hearing.

Stuart Wellington

[20:47] So he goes on his traditional hero's journey, but it's on two forking paths.

[20:52] One of those forks is him and Wes Studi just making music, bro.

[20:57] Wes Studi.

[20:57] Wes Studi, who's like always drunk.

[21:02] Wes Studi is...

[21:03] This movie takes a hard line, you shouldn't drink stance.

Elliott Kalan

[21:06] Here's one of the things.

[21:07] Yeah, well, that's the thing.

[21:07] It's one of those movies that is about how you've got to find your place in this club scene.

[21:12] With this music that makes people just want to fucking dance and lose control.

[21:16] But drinking's bad, drugs are bad, stay in school, everybody.

[21:19] Come on, work hard.

[21:21] Like that's, which is a lesson I can totally get behind.

[21:23] But it feels like a cop out to me in the movie about a guy whose dream is to be a DJ.

[21:29] That the movie's lesson is, hey man, stay clean and stay in school.

[21:33] So we have that...

[21:33] Let's rap about the real issues you teens are facing.

[21:37] And that...

[21:37] We all want to be Hulkamaniacs.

[21:39] Eat your vegetables.

[21:40] So wait, Hulkamaniacs don't do drugs?

[21:42] They, well...

[21:43] So how do they get so super ripped and stuff?

[21:45] Hulk doesn't want his Hulkamaniacs to do drugs because they'll get as strong as him.

[21:49] Oh, okay.

[21:49] And be able to challenge him for the title of Hulk.

[21:52] That's a title?

[21:54] Is it?

[21:54] It's...

[21:55] I thought it was passed down from father to son.

Stuart Wellington

[21:56] Like a title would be.

[21:58] Yeah.

[21:59] But wait, so if they challenge him...

[22:01] Wait a minute.

[22:02] If they challenge him, you can just become the Hulk?

[22:04] Any crown is up for grabs by the laws of force.

[22:09] Okay, so he wants to keep it in his family.

Elliott Kalan

[22:11] Exactly.

[22:12] Okay, that makes sense.

[22:12] But let's say Dan decides to roid up.

[22:16] Mm-hmm.

[22:16] Becomes a super hulking maniac.

[22:18] Okay.

[22:19] I like this.

[22:19] Goes to Hulk Hogan's house.

[22:21] Sure.

[22:21] And he...

[22:22] Hey, you know what?

[22:23] My pythons are bigger than your pythons.

[22:25] Do you hear what Dan McCoy is cooking?

[22:28] That's a different character.

[22:28] That's a different guy.

[22:29] And also hearing is not the scent he used for cooking.

[22:31] I just do that...

Dan McCoy

[22:33] I just do that like waving around the ear.

[22:37] Yeah, to get the audience to roar.

Elliott Kalan

[22:38] But there's no audience because you've broken into his house late at night.

[22:41] You are a trespasser at this point.

[22:43] And you just go into his room while he's sleeping.

[22:45] Mm-hmm.

[22:46] And you're like, I'll put you in a real sleeper hold.

[22:48] And you just shoot him in the head.

[22:50] And he says, hey two, brother.

[22:54] You didn't even need to roid up.

[22:56] You're just...

[22:56] And people go like, oh, oh.

[22:58] He discovered the Hulkster's weakness.

[23:00] Which is that he's immortal.

[23:02] And you say, yeah, I'm the Hulk.

[23:04] I'm the Hulk now.

[23:05] So you're all my Hulkamaniacs.

[23:06] Have fun with your family and friends.

[23:07] Which is in the Hulkamaniac song.

[23:10] And Dan, next thing you know, Gawker's putting your sex tape up online.

[23:13] And you're making big bucks suing them over it.

Dan McCoy

[23:16] Oh, wow.

[23:17] I gotta get on this.

[23:18] I gotta make a sex tape.

[23:19] That's what I'm hearing.

Elliott Kalan

[23:20] That's like step 17 of this plan, Dan.

[23:23] First you gotta start roiding like crazy.

Dan McCoy

[23:26] Just get on the roid train.

[23:27] I should probably have that sex tape bank, though.

[23:29] When I'm roided up.

Elliott Kalan

[23:30] I mean, you're gonna want it to be you roided up so that people know it's you.

[23:33] And I'm like, who's this scrawny guy who has Dan's head?

[23:35] And now, here's the thing.

[23:37] You want to avoid the noise.

[23:39] Because he ruins steroids.

[23:40] Okay.

[23:41] And pizzas.

[23:43] So, Wes Bentley, despite being a success, is a drunk.

[23:47] Yeah, so on that fork.

[23:49] The guy who runs the real estate office, despite being a financial success, is very much a slimy guy.

[23:56] These are examples of what Zac Efron fears he will become, should he make the wrong choices.

[24:01] Meanwhile, he's attracted to, what's her name?

[24:03] Mm-hmm.

[24:04] She...

[24:04] There's a mutual attraction.

[24:06] At a big electronic music expo, let's call it, concert in what?

[24:11] Las Vegas?

[24:11] Las Vegas, yeah.

[24:12] They meet up, do drugs, and have a wild night of running around like they're the fucking band of outsiders.

Stuart Wellington

[24:18] All that tension builds to a climax, and then they totally make out all over Las Vegas.

[24:24] And then they do it.

Dan McCoy

[24:25] They do it, but they seem to get less joy out of doing it than they do out of the pancakes and cheeseburger that they had this morning.

Elliott Kalan

[24:32] I mean, that's not that unrealistic to certain types of doing it.

[24:35] Now, here's the thing.

[24:36] Have you guys ever been on a date that consisted mainly of you running while holding hands with the girl, just smiling and laughing your head off?

[24:43] I've had some great dates.

[24:44] Mm-hmm.

[24:45] My wife and I, when we were first dating, and to this day, we continue to have great dates, and our first dates were magical.

[24:50] We never had a date where we were just running down the streets of the city holding each other's hands laughing.

Dan McCoy

[24:55] Yeah.

[24:55] The only time that there was any running and possible laughing, although I can't remember, was when I had a date and it started really raining.

[25:04] Okay.

[25:04] So we had to run.

[25:06] Does that count?

[25:07] Sure.

[25:07] That's a movie scene.

Stuart Wellington

[25:08] I feel like you have to practice that a little bit, because especially if it's a first date, you're not going to have your pace right, and it's just going to be super awkward.

[25:16] You might, somebody might slip.

[25:18] And it's hard to laugh and run at the same time.

Elliott Kalan

[25:20] That's all about breath control.

[25:22] Oh, okay.

[25:23] You've got to practice it.

[25:23] Yeah.

[25:24] Dan, I assume your date, you guys were laughing, and you ran into a doorway, and you kind of like put your collar up on your coat and then moved your coat around her shoulders to keep her dry, and then you started making out.

[25:34] Cut to, you're eating pancakes in a fancy hotel.

[25:37] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[25:38] Mm.

[25:40] Pancakes.

Stuart Wellington

[25:41] Yeah, so we get to see two people who never eat pancakes or hamburgers eat those two things, so I got a weird thrill out of it.

[25:48] There's a, everyone in the Seward movie.

[25:49] That's your sexual thing?

Elliott Kalan

[25:50] Yeah, I mean, it doesn't, yeah, I guess it is sexual.

[25:53] Seward has a weird fetish about people who are so in shape that they clearly don't eat what they want, just losing control and pigging out.

[26:01] Yeah, exactly.

[26:01] So that scene where Wes Bentley and Zach Efron were eating cake with their hands, you must have been.

[26:05] I was going crazy.

[26:06] Oh, man.

[26:07] You didn't see me?

[26:07] I was, didn't you see what I was doing to myself?

[26:10] I was nuts.

[26:11] I'm glad I didn't see.

[26:14] So he sleeps with his mentor's girlfriend slash assistant.

[26:18] That's not going to be good.

[26:20] And his mentor finds out and gets mad and they have a fight in a strip club bathroom.

[26:23] His mentor's drunk anyway.

[26:24] Yeah.

[26:25] His friends, meanwhile, he's kind of drifting away from a little bit.

[26:28] And so he has lunch with his buddies and squirrel says to him, hey, I'm looking for new jobs.

[26:37] Are we ever going to be better than this?

[26:39] Are we ever going to be better than this?

[26:41] Meaning we've reached rock bottom.

[26:43] They really haven't.

[26:44] Things are pretty fine.

[26:45] And when Wes Bentley reaches rock bottom, it's because he's drunk and eating a cake with his hands.

[26:52] But he's not even on the floor like David Hasselhoff.

[26:54] He's standing upright like a human.

[26:57] Like a homo erectus.

Stuart Wellington

[26:58] Yeah, his hair and beard look amazing.

Elliott Kalan

[27:00] He doesn't even get the cake on his clothes.

Stuart Wellington

[27:02] No.

[27:02] But he is.

[27:03] Maybe he just doesn't want to wash a fork.

[27:05] Yeah.

[27:05] I mean, how do you guys eat cake?

Dan McCoy

[27:08] I get a fork in a plate.

[27:09] With your fucking bear paws.

[27:10] I blend it up in a blender and I just, you know, I suck it down with a straw.

[27:14] Yeah, I guess.

Elliott Kalan

[27:15] Yeah, but your jaw's been wired shut.

[27:17] Yeah, that's right.

[27:17] Ever since the accident.

Dan McCoy

[27:19] Where I attacked jaws, Richard Keel.

[27:23] That's the irony of it.

Elliott Kalan

[27:24] You bit Richard Keel and he was like, this guy's a maniac.

[27:27] Wire that thing shut.

[27:29] Yeah.

[27:30] Well, is he telling that to the police?

[27:34] To his dentist.

[27:35] Yeah.

[27:36] Because you bit him while he was in the dentist chair.

[27:38] That's how you got the drop on.

[27:39] Well, he had all that good Novocaine in him.

[27:41] I wanted to get some of that.

[27:42] So, like a drug-addicted vampire?

[27:45] I'm sucking it out.

[27:47] At this point, things are rough right here.

[27:51] He doesn't know where to turn.

[27:52] His bald friend, who is the volatile one.

[27:55] Mason, yeah.

[27:56] Mason.

[27:57] He says, hey guys, I rented a house for us all to live in.

[28:00] Guess what?

[28:01] We're all going to live together.

[28:02] And it's got a huge pool.

[28:03] Let's throw a big party.

Stuart Wellington

[28:05] Of course.

[28:06] Amazing party.

[28:08] Juice parties.

[28:08] Drugs.

[28:09] Music.

[28:09] Everything's amazing.

Elliott Kalan

[28:10] They're having sex with girls.

[28:11] Girls are playing chicken in the pool topless.

[28:14] A chicken was probably there in real life.

[28:16] That's how crazy it was.

[28:17] Like a John Waters movie.

[28:19] And they wake up the next morning.

[28:21] They've all fallen asleep on the floor of the living room.

[28:23] Wait, wait, wait, Elliot.

Stuart Wellington

[28:24] So the end of that party, we're left with just our four heroes.

[28:30] Our four favorite dudes.

[28:31] And they're like chilling by the pool.

Dan McCoy

[28:34] Three Musketeers plus D'Artagnan.

Stuart Wellington

[28:36] And these fucking SoCal chilled out laid back homies do a little bit of acapella Santeria by my favorite band Sublime.

[28:46] Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

[28:48] And then they fucking go to sleep.

[28:50] And you're like, oh my God, that's fucking foreshadowing.

[28:53] Your sample of Sublime Sighted Lawn in the Inferno if I were a rich man.

Elliott Kalan

[28:57] You're like a carnival clappy.

[28:59] Boop, boop, boop, boop.

Dan McCoy

[29:01] They're all spread out on a...

[29:06] Wait, which one is that?

[29:07] Is that the one that's like, I really want to know...

Elliott Kalan

[29:10] Yeah, that's the one they're singing.

[29:11] Yeah.

[29:12] Now, so...

[29:13] And this is the moment where...

[29:14] I didn't...

[29:14] This...

[29:15] I didn't love these characters.

[29:16] I never hated them as much as I hated the characters in say that awkward moment.

[29:20] Because these characters were genuinely losers who thought they were living in heaven.

[29:25] But the movie knows that they're losers.

[29:27] Really?

[29:28] But when that moment, when they're all sitting at that pool singing Sublime...

[29:32] Yeah.

[29:32] I would not have minded if L.A. was nuked at that moment.

[29:35] I don't care what collateral damage is necessary.

[29:37] How many friends of mine would have died?

[29:39] You just cut to Linda Hamilton.

[29:42] Like, just turn it into bones.

[29:43] It's only once.

[29:44] And they're right outside a playground.

Dan McCoy

[29:49] It's just turning into bones.

Stuart Wellington

[29:53] Yeah, it's like one step removed from them being like,

S5

[29:57] We're gonna live forever!

Stuart Wellington

[29:59] Yeah.

[29:59] Because, of course, the next scene features three of our company of rascals waking up.

[30:06] And our fourth one, totally dead, like the lead singer from Sublime.

[30:10] Oh, yeah.

[30:11] I think that's why they did it.

[30:12] Yes!

Elliott Kalan

[30:13] Of course that's why they did that.

[30:16] I don't...

[30:16] You think it was a clue for those watching?

[30:18] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[30:19] So the movie stops at that point.

[30:22] And then someone comes out and they're like,

[30:23] All right.

[30:24] You have all the clues to put together what will happen.

Elliott Kalan

[30:27] What's going to happen next?

[30:28] Let's run it down.

[30:31] Squirrel was never the strongest member of the group to begin with.

[30:35] That's A.

[30:36] B.

[30:37] He has revealed to Cole his desire for a better life and to leave the group.

[30:44] Big for your britches, eh?

[30:46] Your arms are too short to box with God, squirrel.

[30:49] Don't fly too close to the sun.

Stuart Wellington

[30:51] C.

[30:52] Sublime.

Elliott Kalan

[30:54] What do we remember about the band Sublime?

[30:58] Nuff said.

[30:59] But Stan Lee is in it in this.

[31:01] Well, true believers, as you may remember from Ish 62 of We Are Your Friends.

Stuart Wellington

[31:08] So, of course, they wake up.

[31:10] Squirrel, they're like...

[31:11] Does not wake up.

[31:12] They're like, hey, Squirrel, what's going on, dude?

[31:14] And of course...

[31:15] Squirrel, get up and chase some nuts, huh?

[31:16] Yep.

[31:18] Hey, Squirrel, you need it for that next Ice Age promo.

[31:21] So they shake him.

[31:22] Nope, he's like a gray squirrelsicle.

[31:26] Squirrelsicle?

[31:26] Yeah, because he's cold.

Elliott Kalan

[31:28] I guess.

[31:28] No, he's...

[31:29] Oh, yeah.

[31:29] He's cold.

[31:30] He's not cold.

[31:31] I thought it was like the Broadway show Seussicle.

Dan McCoy

[31:35] It's a musical featuring a dead squirrel.

Stuart Wellington

[31:42] The reviews were only slightly better than Seussicle.

Elliott Kalan

[31:48] Seussicle has some okay moments.

[31:49] This show is nuts.

[31:51] It's raves, Dan McCoy.

[31:53] Of the Flophouse Theater Review.

Dan McCoy

[31:56] It's, you know...

[31:57] Yeah, it's a musical starring a dead squirrel.

[31:59] It's like that Swiss Army Man movie.

[32:01] It's just...

Stuart Wellington

[32:01] Dan, talking about a movie that hasn't been widely released yet.

[32:05] All right.

[32:05] I don't know that movie.

[32:06] That's the Daniel Radcliffe Farting Corpse movie.

[32:09] Oh.

Elliott Kalan

[32:11] Oh.

[32:12] Oh.

[32:13] Oh.

[32:14] Oh.

[32:17] Rollercoaster.

[32:18] Peaks and Valleys.

[32:19] Speaking of peaks and valleys, Cole's really experienced...

[32:21] He's experienced a lot.

[32:22] Mm-hmm.

[32:22] And he's decided that...

[32:24] This is like our rock bottom moment.

[32:26] Oh, and he also...

[32:27] He's gone on a house call with his boss to a woman who has had her house foreclosed on.

[32:32] Has a young son.

[32:32] She's a single mother.

[32:33] Mm-hmm.

[32:33] And has watched his boss tell her, here's what...

[32:37] You know what...

[32:37] Maybe he sees a little bit of himself in this young son character.

[32:41] Maybe.

[32:41] Yeah.

[32:43] He said, you know what?

[32:44] Our company is supposed...

[32:45] In theory, helps you negotiate with the bank.

[32:48] We weren't able to do that.

[32:49] But I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

[32:50] You sign the deed of your house over to our company.

[32:53] I'll give you $20,000 for it.

[32:54] She says, this house is worth $300,000.

[32:57] He goes, nah.

[32:57] That number...

[32:58] That's just numbers.

[32:59] It doesn't matter.

[33:00] It's not real.

[33:01] Here's $20,000.

[33:01] What is money?

[33:03] Oh, it's just something we agree has value.

[33:06] But really, what has value?

[33:08] Huh?

[33:08] It's like, here's the thing, man.

[33:11] Am I crazy and everyone else is sane?

[33:13] Or am I the one sane man and everyone else is crazy?

[33:16] When you say blue and I say blue, how can we ever know we're seeing the same color?

[33:21] Sounds like an amazing scene.

[33:22] Are we just all brains in jars being fed stimuli from the outside?

[33:26] There's no way of knowing.

[33:28] I mean, here's the thing.

[33:29] Just sign right here, please.

[33:30] Thank you.

[33:31] And they walk out and within earshot of the house, which I assume is sentient, he says,

[33:38] like, this is great.

[33:39] I'm going to sell this house for $500,000 or $600,000.

[33:42] And Cole is outraged.

[33:44] He's not happy about it.

[33:46] So anyway, he's been disillusioned on so many fronts by his artistic hero, by his business

[33:50] hero.

[33:51] And now, fast forward after the party of a lifetime, even partying has let him down by killing

[33:56] one of his friends.

[33:57] Yeah.

[33:58] So there's nothing for him to do but to give up the life, I guess.

[34:02] By which I mean, work harder at being a DJ.

[34:06] And he's out jogging.

Dan McCoy

[34:08] Because all he has left to him is to maintain that sweet, sweet body of his.

[34:13] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[34:14] Because he's jogging.

[34:15] So it's the only time we ever seem exercised, which leads you to assume that he's jogging

[34:18] so hard that it affects his abs and his pecs as well.

[34:21] I mean, he's amazing.

[34:22] And his upper body.

[34:22] I mean, he...

Dan McCoy

[34:23] Here's what you say about Zac Efron.

[34:24] It's called peck jogging.

Elliott Kalan

[34:26] Pog, you know what they call it.

[34:27] It's weird because it was invented by the Simpon invented pogs, but that's a coincidence.

[34:31] The two are not related otherwise.

[34:33] Zac Efron, not...

[34:35] I don't think he's an amazing actor.

[34:37] Oh, okay.

[34:37] Terrible.

[34:38] But he is...

[34:40] Has maybe the most perfect body that a man has ever had.

[34:43] In many ways.

[34:44] He's not so ripped that he looks like a monster.

[34:48] Like a Hulk Hogan.

[34:49] Like a Hulk Hogan or a Dan McCoy of the future.

[34:51] Yeah.

[34:52] Yeah.

[34:52] And yet he's...

[34:53] But he's like...

[34:55] Just very well designed, you know?

[34:57] Yeah.

[34:58] He's designed for living.

[34:59] Yeah.

[35:00] Yeah, he's built for speed.

[35:01] So I'll give him that.

[35:02] You know what, Zac Efron?

[35:03] I'll give you this.

[35:04] You're very handsome.

Stuart Wellington

[35:05] And you take good care of yourself.

[35:07] So take that compliment.

[35:08] Put it in the compliment bank.

[35:10] Okay.

[35:10] It's probably already overflowing.

[35:11] Because it's pretty great, I guess.

Dan McCoy

[35:13] Whenever you're feeling out and bad, take it out and take a look at it.

Elliott Kalan

[35:16] You know, Zac, if you're ever feeling...

[35:17] Take it for a spin.

[35:17] If you're ever rolling around in money with...

[35:20] Having sex with the gender of your choice.

[35:22] I don't care which it is.

[35:24] Yeah.

[35:24] And you're feeling a little low down.

[35:26] Just play that compliment.

[35:28] Yeah.

[35:28] And maybe, you know what?

[35:29] Take some of that money.

[35:30] Buy an H or a K to finish your name.

[35:33] Because right now you're spelling Z-A-C.

[35:35] That's not a full name.

[35:36] I mean, Zac is short for Zachary.

[35:38] Or maybe it's just the name Zac.

[35:40] Maybe.

[35:40] But right now your name is just...

[35:42] It's one letter short, at least.

Dan McCoy

[35:44] When he joined the...

[35:45] Maybe that's why he's got such a great body.

[35:48] He feels insecure about his lacking name.

[35:52] His name is too short.

[35:53] Maybe.

[35:54] So he built up that body to compensate.

[35:56] Could be it.

[35:57] He's got this tiny name.

Stuart Wellington

[35:59] That's why Zach Galligan doesn't have to be ripped all the time.

[36:02] No.

[36:02] Because he has the comfort of knowing that he is a full man's name.

[36:05] Zach Galligan.

[36:07] I mean, but he is in great shape because he's always chasing gizmo all over the place.

[36:11] Yeah.

[36:11] That's the workout he fucking markets after Gremlins 2.

[36:15] Get a Mogwai.

Elliott Kalan

[36:17] Let it loose.

[36:18] Or run after that thing.

Dan McCoy

[36:19] Get a Mogwai.

[36:20] Feed it after midnight.

[36:22] Yeah.

[36:22] Fuck it.

[36:23] Who cares?

[36:23] Some people are going to say don't do that.

[36:24] But if you want Austin Pex.

Elliott Kalan

[36:27] If you want this body, feed it after midnight.

[36:30] Get that shit wet.

Stuart Wellington

[36:32] If you want to multiply like crazy.

[36:35] If you want to spend time with my friend Austin Pex.

[36:39] It's my workout buddy.

Elliott Kalan

[36:41] It's the Zach.

[36:41] Austin Pex.

[36:43] Yeah.

[36:43] If you want to land yourself a real babe like Phoebe Cates.

[36:46] Hear all her stories about how every holiday has bad memories attached to it.

[36:49] You're going to need to look good.

[36:51] And looking good means feeling bad.

[36:54] Because you've unleashed Gremlins on your town.

[36:56] But that's just the trade off.

[36:58] That's just the trade off.

[36:59] Let's talk to one satisfied customer.

[37:01] My name is Daniel Clamp.

[37:03] And I'm a millionaire played by John Glover.

[37:05] Sure.

[37:06] You know what?

[37:07] You build a place for things.

[37:08] Things come.

[37:09] And then you can chase those things to get ripped.

[37:12] Thanks, Zach.

[37:13] Thank you, Daniel played by John.

[37:18] That's a great meta commercial.

[37:21] A lot of levels.

[37:24] Let's just fast forward to that.

[37:25] He makes up with Wes Bentley.

[37:26] Wes Bentley goes, hey, I asked you to open for me at Summerfest.

[37:29] Which, is that a real thing, Dan?

[37:31] You're pretty tapped into the EDM world.

[37:33] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[37:34] There's got to be something called Summerfest.

[37:35] Because it's the most bland name in the world.

Stuart Wellington

[37:37] He goes, you can still open.

[37:39] It might as well be called Music Fest.

Dan McCoy

[37:40] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[37:41] When's Summerfest again?

[37:44] Probably winter.

[37:45] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[37:46] It's hosted by Mark Summers.

[37:48] That's why it's called Summerfest.

[37:53] So I, he's jogging.

[37:55] It's the jogging.

[37:56] He's jogging.

[37:57] And earlier, Wes Bentley had sent to him, you're just using the same electronic sounds everybody

[38:02] else is using.

[38:02] You've got to use real sounds.

[38:04] Real music.

[38:04] Yeah, yeah.

[38:05] Stop doing this Game Boy stuff.

[38:06] And they record a track together as kind of a teaching by doing thing that involves Emily

[38:12] Rushmanowski saying some lines into my phone that include the line, I think synchronicity

[38:17] is electricity, which is hilarious.

[38:22] He's, Zagafron's jogging and his phone dies.

[38:25] Suddenly he can't listen to his tunes while he's jogging.

[38:27] Oh man, I guess I'll just push through this wall and just jog without my headphones.

[38:31] And suddenly his ears are open to the world around him.

[38:35] And this is a moment where, uh, I'm going to talk about the theater in a second.

[38:39] But he hears a wind chime.

[38:40] He hears the buzz of electric wires, all that stuff, and inspires him to make a song of it.

[38:45] And, which is a real artistic awakening.

[38:47] And I want to make fun of this scene more because it's cheesy.

[38:51] Yeah.

[38:51] But at the same time, it rings true to me as an artistic statement that like, if you want

[38:55] to be an artist, you have to engage with the world and not just with other works of art.

[39:00] And it reminds me of a much better version of the idea of noticing the world.

[39:05] around you.

[39:06] There was a production of Our Town in New York a few years ago that David Cromer directed.

[39:12] Where, you know, if you guys are familiar with Our Town, there's no sets and no costumes.

[39:20] At the end of the play, one of the characters comes back from the afterlife to experience life.

[39:24] And the whole point is that there are all these things in life you don't notice until it's too late and you're dead.

[39:29] But while you're alive, you're too caught up in the moment.

[39:30] You don't notice it.

[39:31] And so, to represent that, for the first time in the whole play, there's a real set.

[39:37] There's real costumes.

[39:38] And one of the characters is actually cooking bacon on set.

[39:41] And you smell it.

[39:42] And it was like this amazing thing.

[39:43] Like, suddenly the audience is noticing things they didn't notice because it didn't exist before.

[39:47] This is like that.

[39:48] And I want to...

[39:50] Oh, we're back to talking about the movie.

[39:51] Yeah, now we're back to talking about the movie.

[39:52] It's not a great representation of that.

[39:56] But, like, the meaning of it got to me enough.

[40:00] That I was like, okay, I see what you're doing here, movie.

Stuart Wellington

[40:01] So this is one of the...

[40:03] I mean, I think this is one of the many components of the movie that is...

[40:07] I mean, you mentioned before that it feels kind of honest and earnest.

[40:11] Yeah.

[40:12] But...

[40:12] It's like earnest goes to a rake.

[40:14] Exactly.

[40:16] I'll take these drugs, Vern.

[40:18] I just want to touch everything, Vern.

[40:19] You know what I mean?

[40:20] Let me just add earnest to the list of words I'm not allowed to say on this podcast.

[40:26] It's a long list.

[40:30] But...

[40:30] It's an earnest...

[40:32] It's a sincere movie.

[40:33] For all of its flash.

[40:35] And for the fact that it is super by the numbers.

[40:38] And it is...

[40:39] And the fact that it has, like, the most cliched, like, pair of heroes journeys.

[40:44] Where he's both like, oh, I'm learning a little bit about a DJ.

[40:48] So I have that very obvious telegraph story.

[40:50] And he's like...

[40:51] But also, man, the housing crash.

[40:53] Let's talk about that a little bit.

Elliott Kalan

[40:55] And also, there's this girl.

[40:57] Uh-oh.

[40:57] She's got her issues, too.

[40:59] But we really hit it off.

[41:00] You know?

[41:00] And we connect.

Stuart Wellington

[41:02] So it's...

[41:03] So all...

[41:03] Like...

[41:04] But, I mean, despite that, there are things that are worthwhile.

[41:09] Like, I think some of the directorial choices are kind of interesting.

[41:12] I don't mean to be jumping into final judgments here.

[41:14] But the...

Elliott Kalan

[41:15] We didn't even finish the movie.

[41:16] Zach Efron plays a song at Summerfest and the audience loves it.

[41:18] Uh-huh.

[41:19] It's...

[41:19] And he samples his friend Squirrel saying, are we ever going to be better than this?

[41:22] And he yells, are we ever going to be better than this?

[41:24] And the audience is like, yeah!

[41:26] And he's turned this plea, a pathetic plea for out of despair for hope into a statement of,

[41:34] this is the best it's ever going to get.

[41:35] Let's celebrate.

[41:36] You know?

Stuart Wellington

[41:37] Yeah, they didn't even get it.

[41:38] Like, they didn't even realize the double meaning.

[41:40] Well, he's used art to transmute pain into joy.

[41:45] Yeah, the last time I saw a movie that did that song...

[41:47] Movie Joy?

[41:48] Oh, boy.

[41:49] Oh, boy.

[41:50] Yeah, it's a real mess, huh?

[41:51] The last time I saw a movie do that with a song was probably the end of Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey.

Dan McCoy

[41:57] Where they come back from the future and play kisses, God gave her, I could roll to you.

Stuart Wellington

[42:01] Sure, yeah.

[42:02] You're like, oh, that's the emotional climax that I was expecting, Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey.

[42:06] Thank you.

Elliott Kalan

[42:08] But you were saying, so you're saying, it's more sincere, let's Final Judgment's it.

[42:11] Final Judgment's doo-doo-doo-doo.

[42:12] This is a good, bad movie, bad movie.

Stuart Wellington

[42:13] And there's some, like, for a movie about, like, four kind of douchey bros hanging out.

[42:18] Who are not instruments.

[42:19] They're not, they're less douchey than, say, the Entourage guys.

[42:24] I don't mean to, like, I guess that's damning with any praise.

Elliott Kalan

[42:28] Less douchey than Entourage, raves, we're really doing.

[42:33] Of the backhanded gazette.

[42:35] No, but I agree.

[42:36] Like, these are guys that, by all rights, I should have hated from moment one.

[42:41] And I really only hate them when they're seeing Sublime, and it's because I don't like Sublime.

[42:44] They're, like, there's a, they're not, it's by the numbers, and the characters are, like,

[42:49] this is the hero, here's the hothead, here's the cool guy, here's the nerd.

[42:54] But there's a greater sense of groundedness to them.

Stuart Wellington

[42:58] Like, here's Wes Studi, immediately he's drunk, so you know that guy, that's going to be that guy's, like, heroic flaw.

[43:04] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[43:05] He's a brilliant DJ, but he's a drinker.

[43:08] And at one point he's like, you're young, you don't know what I'm carrying around.

[43:12] Never hinted at?

[43:13] I don't know if that's a good choice or not.

[43:14] It lets me fill it in?

[43:15] I assume Wes Bentley was a veteran.

[43:17] But probably, he's just, like, some asshole.

[43:20] I don't know.

Stuart Wellington

[43:21] You know, I like, yeah, they want to leave stuff open for the sequel.

Elliott Kalan

[43:24] But, and there is something, like, I'm torn in that I should hate these characters, but I don't.

[43:30] I shouldn't like how, like, flashing in your face the movie is, but it, even though it never quite works, like.

[43:35] At least that makes it move fast.

[43:36] Yeah.

[43:37] And I'm glad that the director was trying for something.

[43:40] And also, it feels weird that a movie about young people and the importance of partying would end being, like, hey, stay sober and study.

[43:52] Like, but that's, like, I don't know why I'm mad at that, since that's a message I would much rather the movie be presenting, you know.

[43:57] I guess they did a similar thing in Trainspotting, but they did it better, so it doesn't feel like a cop-out or a sell-out at the end.

Stuart Wellington

[44:06] You mean, like, the idea of, like, you know, don't pursue immediate pleasure, look for, like, you know, work toward long-term goals?

[44:15] Is that what you're saying?

[44:15] Yeah, basically, yeah.

[44:17] Yeah, well, obviously, yeah, Trainspotting's a better movie.

[44:19] I mean, Trainspotting's a much better movie than this.

Elliott Kalan

[44:21] That's the other thing.

[44:22] I also, Trainspotting, like, got me to understand why you would do heroin and also why it's a bad idea to do heroin.

[44:30] This movie still never got across to me why electronic dance music is worth listening to.

Stuart Wellington

[44:33] It's funny that there's even a scene where Wes Studi's talking to him and he's explaining how...

Elliott Kalan

[44:38] Someone missed our explanation that it's Wes Bentley and they're like, it's weird that they cast Wes Studi in this role.

Stuart Wellington

[44:43] Not that Wes Bentley is that much more natural for it.

[44:45] And he's explaining to Zac Efron how Zac Efron's, like, track that he's working on is just a collection of him imitating other artists.

[44:54] And that's what this movie kind of feels like, is a collection of imitations of other directors.

[45:00] Yeah, that's a good point.

[45:00] Using traditional, using, like, a traditional story structure.

[45:04] So it felt weirdly off the nose.

Elliott Kalan

[45:07] Yeah, that's a good...

[45:08] Actually, yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

[45:10] It's someone who's absorbed a lot of Aronofsky and, like, a little bit of Richard Linkletter and so forth.

Dan McCoy

[45:17] These final judgments aren't very judge-y.

Elliott Kalan

[45:19] Oh, yeah.

[45:21] I don't know what falls in the category.

[45:22] It's not a good, bad movie.

[45:24] It's not bad, bad, but I didn't like it.

[45:26] I guess, you know what?

[45:27] I don't like it, but that's the category that would fall more in that I...

[45:31] Damn it, I don't like you, but I respect you.

[45:33] Yeah.

[45:34] It's not a good movie, but I don't hate you.

Dan McCoy

[45:36] I kind of like this movie.

[45:38] I just barely did.

[45:39] But I did.

[45:40] And that's why I feel like I've had a shitty podcast tonight.

[45:45] Because I don't have a lot to say to make fun of it.

[45:47] Because, like...

Elliott Kalan

[45:48] I mean, let's not forget, also, that you've got a cold and you're tired and no one likes you.

[45:52] Wait, what?

[45:53] Forget I said that last part.

Dan McCoy

[45:55] But don't really.

[45:56] Yeah, I think the cold has more to do with it.

[45:58] But, yeah, I enjoyed this movie a surprising amount.

[46:05] Even though, you know, I don't typically like a movie about four douchebags in L.A. trying to make their way as DJs.

Elliott Kalan

[46:13] I think if the movie knows these guys are douchebags, it makes all the difference.

[46:17] Entourage thinks those guys are the greatest, most fun guys in the world.

[46:21] This movie knows that these are a bunch of low-rent douchebags who need to get their shit together.

[46:25] And, like, I'd rather...

[46:27] One of the things I don't like about movies...

[46:30] I said at the beginning of it, like...

[46:32] Say it, like...

[46:33] Right off the bat, I like these guys more than the heroes in, like, Knocked Up or something.

[46:38] Because they're already trying for something.

[46:40] They're at least hustling, yeah.

[46:41] Yeah, they have goals.

[46:42] Even if they're dumb goals and they're, like, a bunch of morons.

[46:46] It's like, they're actively trying to do a thing and they're, yeah, hustling for success.

[46:52] As opposed to, like, hey, man, we love...

[46:54] Even their parties are more ambitious than, like, the parties I see in other movies.

Stuart Wellington

[46:58] Yeah.

[46:59] And then, I mean, there was nudity and, like, in general...

[47:04] Nobody wore that many clothes.

Elliott Kalan

[47:06] If you're a woman in this movie, you're not wearing a lot of clothes.

Stuart Wellington

[47:09] And if you're a dude, there's not that many clothes.

Elliott Kalan

[47:11] There's a point where the main female lead, whose last name I keep mangling, she's wearing

[47:16] a...

Dan McCoy

[47:16] Emily Roger Rabinowski.

Elliott Kalan

[47:18] A loose, low-cut shirt, and she's dancing in slow-mo, and there's just a close-up of her

[47:24] boobs while she's dancing in slow-mo.

[47:25] And I think it's supposed to be that you're looking at her heart.

[47:27] Yeah.

[47:27] It's like, this is an entrapment movie.

[47:30] I know that's where I was looking before, but come on.

[47:32] Let's...

[47:33] This is not fair.

Stuart Wellington

[47:35] Yeah, yeah.

[47:35] That's the funny games moment of the movie.

[47:39] Does this entertain you, Elliot?

[47:43] I got sucker punched.

[47:46] All right.

[47:47] I guess, I mean, I guess it's, yeah, it's hard to say it's a bad, bad movie.

[47:51] It's not a great movie, but I don't hate it.

Elliott Kalan

[47:54] I'm going to say, like, this movie wasn't really for me, but I appreciated some things

[47:58] about it.

[47:58] Going into it, I thought, I think my expectations were so low going into it.

Stuart Wellington

[48:04] And it's also a movie that did so poorly in the box office that, like, there is that

[48:09] initial desire to be like, let's take, you know, giant craps on this movie from orbit.

Elliott Kalan

[48:14] Yeah.

[48:15] But it's not like a hidden gem that I think needs to be uncovered.

[48:17] Oh, certainly not.

[48:18] It's just like, it is what it is, you know?

[48:21] It is what it is to be.

[48:22] Yeah.

[48:22] Hello, Brent.

S4

[48:31] Travis.

[48:33] Welcome to Trends Like These.

[48:34] What's Trends Like These, you ask?

[48:36] Well, it's a podcast where we take the news trending on the internet and we cover it in

[48:41] podcast form.

[48:43] We go beyond the headlines, beyond the memes to bring you the real story so that when your

[48:47] friends bring it up, you can look real smart.

[48:49] We take things that need to be debunked and we debunk them.

[48:53] And then we take things that need to be re-bunked and we re-bunk them.

[48:56] We bring you all the details and we give you a spin on it.

[48:59] Our opinions, our thoughts.

[49:00] And we also try to dig up some positive things to talk about so it's not all bummers.

[49:05] Just a couple of real life friends talking internet trends.

[49:08] So join us every Thursday on MaximumFun.org and wherever podcasts are found.

[49:25] But now.

Dan McCoy

[49:27] Before your very eyes.

[49:28] We're going to do a transformation from a regular show into a commercial.

[49:35] It's not the most exciting magic trick.

Stuart Wellington

[49:37] Fucking seamless segue.

[49:38] From seamless segue, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[49:40] No, the Flophouse has a couple of sponsors tonight.

[49:44] First off, the Flophouse is supported in part by Squarespace.

[49:49] Yeah!

[49:50] The simplest way to create a compelling website.

[49:52] From the strange to the downright bizarre, great stories define us.

[49:56] You should tell yours.

[49:57] With simple tools and templates, Squarespace helps you to capture your story with a captivating

[50:02] website.

[50:04] If you want to start your free trial today, just visit squarespace.com slash flop.

[50:09] You should.

[50:11] Squarespace.

Elliott Kalan

[50:11] Now, Dan, I've got a question for you about this Squarespace.

[50:15] You usually do.

[50:16] Now, I understand that it can help me set up a website.

[50:19] I don't need to know how to code, right?

[50:21] No.

[50:21] And there's technical support?

[50:23] He still has 24-hour technical support.

[50:25] And I get a free trial if I use the password flop.

[50:30] I think anyone gets a free trial.

Dan McCoy

[50:33] Lee, what was the thing you just read, then?

[50:34] It didn't say anything.

[50:36] I said you keep adding stuff to the thing that I don't know is necessarily true.

Elliott Kalan

[50:41] Can I get a pony?

[50:42] You just read.

[50:43] What about was I read?

Dan McCoy

[50:44] Oh, yeah.

[50:45] I did read that.

[50:46] Start your free trial today.

Elliott Kalan

[50:47] Listen to the words coming out of your mouth.

[50:49] So, free trial today.

Stuart Wellington

[50:51] So, you've had, I mean, I think our listeners probably know that you've had a string of very successful website ideas.

Elliott Kalan

[50:57] Web ventures.

[50:58] And as a result, I'm a billionaire.

[51:00] You'd think I'd learn how to code.

[51:02] No need.

[51:03] Squarespace is so good, I don't need to know.

[51:05] And I'm still making a billion dollars.

[51:07] So, I've got a new idea for a website.

Stuart Wellington

[51:08] I'm hoping Squarespace can help me with it.

[51:10] Okay.

[51:10] I mean, I think everybody's probably pausing the podcast, pulling out a notepad so they can write this information down.

[51:15] Don't steal my idea.

[51:16] Come on, guys.

Elliott Kalan

[51:17] They haven't unpaused it yet.

[51:19] Come on, guys.

[51:19] Now it's unpaused.

[51:20] Now it's unpaused.

[51:20] Okay, don't steal it, guys.

[51:22] Okay.

[51:22] Now, it's called Pandaparty.com.

[51:26] Okay.

[51:27] Now, you guys like parties, right?

Stuart Wellington

[51:29] Sure.

[51:30] We all like to party.

[51:30] Yeah, I mean, the movie we just watched is all about parties.

[51:33] All about parties.

Elliott Kalan

[51:34] Now, who wouldn't want?

[51:36] And you like pandas, right?

[51:37] Yeah.

[51:38] They're adorable.

[51:39] They only eat bamboo so you know they're picky.

[51:41] They're the lullable jokesters of the bear kingdom.

[51:44] I would say that's not true.

[51:47] But still, okay, we can go with that.

[51:50] They're very rare.

[51:51] They're very beautiful.

[51:52] They only eat bamboo so you know they've got good taste.

[51:54] And they are very hard to mate with.

[51:57] Take it from a guy who knows.

[51:59] Anyway, so who wouldn't want a panda, a real-life panda, at your party?

[52:04] So what Pandaparty.com does is you can order a panda to show up at your party.

[52:09] This is the animal again.

[52:11] The animal panda or a man in a panda suit.

[52:14] Okay.

[52:15] Or a different bear of equal or lesser value.

[52:18] That's a lot of options.

[52:19] Yep.

[52:19] It's not just pandas at Pandaparty.com.

[52:21] Now, here's the thing.

[52:23] They go to your party.

Dan McCoy

[52:25] You've got to provide food for them.

[52:27] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[52:27] You've got to give them a place to go to the bathroom.

Dan McCoy

[52:28] You've got to lay in some extra bamboo.

Elliott Kalan

[52:29] Oh, make sure you've got bamboo.

Dan McCoy

[52:31] I'm saying extra bamboo.

[52:32] I'm saying extra bamboo because I'm already feeding my guests bamboo.

Elliott Kalan

[52:35] Are there pandas at the party?

[52:37] No, these are humans.

[52:38] Okay.

[52:39] Here's the other thing.

[52:40] These pandas or other bears, very emotionally unstable.

[52:44] Okay.

[52:45] Which is going to give your party the element of mystery and risk.

Dan McCoy

[52:49] It's got sort of a frisson.

[52:51] Let me tell you this.

Elliott Kalan

[52:53] You're going to know that Squirrel's dead the next day because he's going to have fucking

[52:56] panda claw marks all over his body.

[52:58] Oh, wow.

[52:59] And maybe one half's on that side of the room, the other half's on the other side of the room.

[53:01] But he's going to have a smile on his face.

[53:03] Oh, he's going to have loved it.

[53:04] It's the way he wants to go.

[53:05] Now, here's all I need.

[53:06] I need a place I can set up this website where I don't need to know how to code.

[53:09] I can get a free trial.

[53:11] And can it scale between, say, an iPad and a laptop?

[53:16] Oh, you know it, dude.

[53:17] Or like a mobile phone.

[53:18] Because let's say, here's the thing.

Stuart Wellington

[53:19] That's Dan McCoy's classic catchphrase.

[53:21] You know it, dude.

[53:23] From Full House.

Elliott Kalan

[53:26] The Central American bootleg Full House.

[53:32] You know it, dude.

[53:33] It's Sutton, San Jose.

[53:35] So, let's say you're going...

[53:38] Cut that out.

Stuart Wellington

[53:42] Cammie Gobbler.

Elliott Kalan

[53:44] Have pity.

[53:46] How impolite of you.

[53:50] I'm going to go to my work at the daytime morning show.

[53:55] Get out of bed, San Fernando.

[53:58] Instead of Wake Up San Francisco.

[53:59] And now, the Beach Bugs.

[54:04] That's the bizarre version of the Beach Boys.

[54:06] You nailed it.

[54:07] It's a police circus.

[54:09] So, okay.

[54:10] The important thing is, maybe you're going to a party and you're like, the guy who's running

[54:12] this party is going to love it if I send a panda.

[54:14] I want you to be able to order it from your phone.

[54:16] Yeah.

[54:16] Like an Uber car.

[54:18] The car shows up with a panda in it.

[54:20] So, pandaparty.com.

Stuart Wellington

[54:21] Or if you show up to a party and it's fucking Deadsville and you're like, I need to inject

[54:25] a little bit of pee into this pee.

[54:28] This pee doesn't have enough pee, if you know what I mean.

[54:30] Yeah.

[54:30] Sometimes I shut down words a little too, truncate words too quickly and it just leads to confusion.

[54:37] But I'm glad that you picked up on what I was drawing.

[54:39] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[54:39] So, and they say this party needs a panda or bear of equal or lesser value.

[54:43] Almost always lesser.

[54:44] Panda is the priceless bear.

[54:46] So, Squarespace will be able to help me with this.

[54:49] Squarespace has all those amazing functions.

[54:52] I can get this site up.

[54:53] I don't need to worry about the site working.

[54:55] I just need to worry about how I'm going to get this bear.

Dan McCoy

[54:58] Yeah.

[54:58] I think that's the most important thing that you haven't really figured out in this whole

[55:02] adventure.

[55:02] Here's the plan.

Elliott Kalan

[55:03] One, I set up the site with Squarespace.

[55:04] It's easy.

[55:05] I got a free trial.

[55:06] Two, get a bunch of bears.

[55:08] Three, have people order those bears for their parties.

Stuart Wellington

[55:11] Yeah.

[55:12] Yeah, I mean, it's only three steps, unlike Dan's, what, 20-step process of becoming Hulk.

[55:16] Of becoming Hulk.

[55:18] Yeah.

[55:19] Okay, so why don't we just, if we just build it beautiful, we can wrap this thing up.

Dan McCoy

[55:23] It's not their slogan anymore.

[55:25] You should Squarespace, and I know I will.

[55:28] So, we're also sponsored this week by Mack Weldon.

[55:32] That sounds like a detective.

[55:34] The Flophouse is supported in part by Mack Weldon.

[55:37] Now, Mack Weldon is a lovely clothing store.

[55:42] A clove here.

[55:43] Yeah.

[55:43] Their products are designed to be the most comfortable underwear, socks, shirts, undershirts,

[55:50] hoodies, and sweatpants you will ever wear.

[55:53] All of their products are naturally antimicrobial, which means that they eliminate odor.

Stuart Wellington

[56:00] Yeah, so if you want the man in your life, which could include you, the listener, to be less stinky.

[56:06] You might be the man in your horse and house's life.

Dan McCoy

[56:07] Yep.

[56:08] Not so much that stank.

Stuart Wellington

[56:10] We don't want any, uh, the only stanky thing we want are the riffs on this Def Leppard song you're listening to.

[56:15] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[56:16] Guys, you, I know you're really interested in this.

[56:18] We didn't have our usual underpants check before the podcast where we checked to make sure what everybody's underpants were.

[56:22] I'm wearing Mack Weldon underwear right now.

[56:24] What?

[56:25] It's very comfortable.

[56:26] And today was hot in the city.

Dan McCoy

[56:28] And you're a very confident gentleman.

[56:30] And I think that that's all coming from right down in those pants.

Elliott Kalan

[56:33] I mean, the fact that I, a very sweaty person, am comfortable and scent-free.

[56:38] It's because you're covered in a fine layer of Wolverine-style hair.

[56:43] Uh, we don't need to get into that, as true as it is.

[56:45] And fine is not quite the right word.

[56:47] We're coarse and burly.

[56:49] Like a brush.

[56:50] Like a, like a, like a thick thorn huckleberry bush.

[56:55] But, uh, since I'm wearing my Mack Weldons, I don't have anything to worry about.

Dan McCoy

[56:59] They're super comfortable.

[57:01] And, uh, now speaking of confidence, uh, Mack Weldon is very confident that, uh, because

[57:06] they want you to be comfortable.

[57:08] So if you don't like your first pair, you can keep it and they will refund you.

[57:12] No question asked.

Elliott Kalan

[57:13] Keep the underwear you don't like.

[57:15] Mm-hmm.

[57:16] Send it to me.

[57:17] You can put it in FG, I guess.

[57:19] It is very good underwear, though.

[57:21] You're going to like it.

[57:22] Uh, you can go to Mack Weldon.

Dan McCoy

[57:23] And the undershirts also are very good.

[57:25] Yeah.

[57:26] You can go to MackWeldon.

[57:27] And the socks.

[57:27] Dot com.

[57:28] MackWeldon.com.

[57:31] MackWeldon.com.

[57:33] To get 20% off using the promo code FLOP.

Stuart Wellington

[57:37] So if you're ever looking at a, uh, section in a website like Mack Weldon or Squarespace,

[57:43] who are both great, and you're thinking, I want to see if I can get a deal, just punch in

[57:47] FLOP.

Elliott Kalan

[57:48] Just try it.

[57:49] Yeah.

[57:49] Give it a look.

[57:50] I know it works with Mack Weldon and Squarespace.

[57:52] Yeah.

[57:52] Now here's the one thing I don't like about Mack Weldon.

[57:54] The one minor flaw.

[57:55] Uh-huh.

[57:55] Printed on the waistband of the underpants.

[57:58] It says, for daily wear or for daily use.

[58:01] Mm-hmm.

[58:02] I know how often I should wear underwear.

[58:04] Oh, okay.

[58:04] So you think it's patronizing.

[58:05] I don't need you to tell me that, Mack Weldon.

[58:07] But otherwise, wonderful product.

[58:09] So when you put it on, just close your eyes so you don't see that patronizing slogan.

[58:13] And you just enjoy it all the time.

[58:14] Yeah, and so you don't scare yourself by looking at your own leader.

Stuart Wellington

[58:18] Is that a scary thing?

[58:19] Sometimes.

[58:21] Like, what's this alien doing down here?

[58:24] What's it up to?

[58:25] What's it up to?

[58:27] Like it's plotting something?

[58:29] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[58:29] Hey, you know, the thing's got a mind of its own.

[58:33] That's actually a fallacy.

[58:34] You know what I'm talking about?

[58:35] Oh, fuck off with that, Jimmy.

[58:39] Get it?

[58:40] Yeah, I do.

Elliott Kalan

[58:41] Do you have any other messages or?

[58:43] Yeah, that's...

[58:44] Sponsors.

Dan McCoy

[58:45] That's all we have for sponsors this week.

[58:48] Well, those are two solid sponsors.

[58:50] I like them both.

Elliott Kalan

[58:51] So what's the next part of this podcast, Dan?

[58:53] I'm not wearing Squarespace on my butt right now, but if I was, it would be really good.

[58:56] The next part...

[58:57] But Mack Weldon is very good, and that's what I'm doing with it.

Dan McCoy

[58:58] The next part is letters, although I moved a bunch of letters into...

[59:03] Oh, here, there.

[59:03] So you want some vamp for a minute?

[59:05] I couldn't find them for a second.

[59:06] Bleh.

[59:07] Bleh.

[59:08] I have them on my phone, and I couldn't find them.

[59:10] You don't have to beat me, Michael.

Stuart Wellington

[59:12] You just have to keep up.

[59:13] Yes?

Dan McCoy

[59:16] So this first letter is from David, last name withheld.

[59:20] Is it my brother?

[59:21] It's not your brother.

Stuart Wellington

[59:22] Or is it David from Lost Boys, the character I was just doing?

[59:25] Could be.

Dan McCoy

[59:27] He writes,

[59:28] In the years I've listened to the podcast, I always incorrectly presumed the wretched film that Dan and Elliot deemed as the archetype of a bad film was I Love Trouble with Nick Nolte and Julia Roberts.

[59:39] I mean, Trouble was in the title, it was a bad 90s film, and it starred marquee actors of the era.

[59:45] I had no idea that nothing but Trouble was the film they were talking about.

[59:48] But curiously, I had seen this film, and it has literally permeated my nightmares for decades.

[59:54] To this day, I will occasionally have nightmares with this film's house to the setting.

[59:59] I watched this film when I was 11 or 12, and extremely sick, high fever, puking, etc.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:04] For years after...

[1:00:05] Probably actually the most pleasant way to watch the movie, because we have constant distractions from the movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:10] For the years after, the house in this film, the junkyard, the creepy tenants, yes, including the twins, the basement below the courthouse, the bone stripper, have all shown up in various nightmares I've had.

[1:00:20] Until the 200th podcast, I had assumed it was merely an amalgamation of my worst fears.

[1:00:25] Death traps, monstrous small-town humanoids, dank crawl spaces, and it has been central to a small portion of my scarier, darker dreams.

[1:00:34] I've actually had waking rational thoughts to determine whether this is a film or TV show I saw but forgot.

[1:00:39] Because the foundation of it was massive enough to support the creation of a whole sinister dreamscape,

[1:00:45] each time I'd come to the conclusion that I would have some real-world artifacts reference if something like this existed.

[1:00:51] I've never seen anything online or in the real world to prove that this is a real piece of media in the 25-plus years since this film's release on VHS.

[1:00:59] I find that very hard to believe.

[1:01:01] I don't know about that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:03] You know, we're going to, like, Spencer's Gifts and see the posters and the greeting cards and the t-shirts.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:09] I mean, we live in a universe now where all you have to do is type in the title of a thing into your magic information-finding box,

[1:01:17] and it'll connect you to it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:19] Yeah, but he said, he...

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:21] Although, to be fair, there's a kid's book I remember from when I was a kid that was in the library called Mutants.

[1:01:25] It was really scary-looking, and I've yet to find it anywhere.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:30] So before we cut off that letter, what else does it say?

Dan McCoy

[1:01:33] There's not much else.

[1:01:35] Wow.

[1:01:36] I apologize.

[1:01:36] I didn't mean to shut that letter down.

[1:01:38] No, no.

[1:01:38] I wanted to read that letter because it was representative of a larger type of letter, a larger group of letters we got,

[1:01:46] which was a whole slew of people saying that they had thought that this movie was a fever dream that they had.

[1:01:53] Yeah.

[1:01:53] And they didn't believe it.

[1:01:55] That was a fever dream that they had.

[1:01:56] Yeah, we helped people exercise those demons, I hope.

[1:01:59] That's right.

[1:02:00] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:02] That's good luck, and we should get a medal.

[1:02:04] It's funny that you remember the name of the creepy book you saw.

[1:02:07] Like, I remember as a kid, I remember going into my parents' bedroom where they were watching The Shining,

[1:02:15] and it was just the scene with the two twin girls that, you know, come play with us.

[1:02:19] And I didn't know what that was for years, but I was fucking terrified of it.

[1:02:25] And then I obviously saw The Shining at some point, and I was like,

Dan McCoy

[1:02:29] what a terrible adaptation of the book.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:31] Stephen King was right.

[1:02:32] His miniseries is so much better.

[1:02:35] Yep.

[1:02:35] This is about the moon landing.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:38] We're Native Americans.

[1:02:41] That's similar.

[1:02:42] There's a Julie Taymor movie called Fool's Fire that I had a similar experience with where I stumbled upon it on PBS.

[1:02:49] And it was so weird that I, like, couldn't, I was like, I can't watch this whole thing.

[1:02:53] And for a long time, I couldn't find what it was.

[1:02:57] And now I know it was basically an adaptation of Hot Frog.

[1:03:01] Yeah.

[1:03:01] But, and I didn't know who Julie Taymor was.

[1:03:04] Lion King had yet to hit Broadway.

[1:03:06] Yeah.

[1:03:07] She had yet to.

[1:03:07] Nobody knew.

[1:03:08] She had yet to revitalize Lion King and destroy Spider-Man.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:12] I, yeah, I remember watching that as a kid, too, and I had no idea that it was a Julie Taymor thing until you,

[1:03:19] I think, told me later.

[1:03:21] Like, I had always sort of conflated in my mind with the Jim Henson Storyteller series.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:27] It looks very much, it looks like a crazier version of that.

[1:03:29] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:32] So I guess we're recommending Hot Frog?

[1:03:34] I mean.

[1:03:35] The adaptation of Same?

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:36] The two solid adaptations in Fool's Fire and The Mask of the Red Death.

[1:03:40] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:40] The Roger Corman version.

[1:03:42] So, uh.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:43] It doesn't count as my recommendation for today.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:45] I have another one.

[1:03:47] Yeah, it's okay.

[1:03:49] Um.

[1:03:50] This next letter is from Benjamin, last name withheld, who writes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:54] I don't know.

[1:03:54] I'm aging backwards.

[1:03:55] Fine words.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:57] Flop people.

[1:03:58] I'm a film archivist.

[1:04:00] That's cool.

[1:04:01] And during a summer job that had me cataloging over 735 millimeter trailers.

[1:04:05] I came across one for 40 days and 40 nights.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:08] Wait, a 735 millimeter trailer?

[1:04:10] That's enormous.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:14] Stuart will be very disappointed to know that yes, this trailer is now being preserved in a temperature and humidity controlled vault.

[1:04:20] Burn that.

[1:04:21] At University Name Withheld.

[1:04:23] This got me thinking.

[1:04:24] What indefensibly bad movies would you like to see preserved for future generations?

[1:04:29] Benjamin, last name withheld.

[1:04:30] I mean, I like to see all movies preserved.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:32] Because you never know what's going to be rediscovered or have a new context in the future.

[1:04:39] I'd rather err on the side of preserving all the junk than risk losing any of the good stuff.

[1:04:43] I guess that's fair.

[1:04:45] You know, because today's trash is tomorrow's treasure.

[1:04:49] It's the name of my antique store.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:52] It's a real mouthful of a name.

[1:04:54] It's not a successful store.

[1:04:58] I don't know.

[1:04:59] I still don't think 40 days and 40 nights should be preserved because it's garbage.

[1:05:03] It should be scoured from the earth.

[1:05:06] And then the earth salted.

[1:05:08] Really?

[1:05:09] The whole earth?

[1:05:09] Yes.

[1:05:11] It's delicious.

[1:05:12] Salted earth.

[1:05:13] It's like living on a big pretzel.

[1:05:15] Yeah.

[1:05:18] Well, that saddens me greatly.

[1:05:21] I'm assuming the trailer doesn't feature the weird rape scene at the end of the movie.

[1:05:26] Probably not.

[1:05:28] Or when she comes with rose petals on her.

[1:05:30] Oh, yeah.

[1:05:31] That scene.

[1:05:32] Or I'm sure it focuses on the comedy stylings of Shannon Sossamon and Paolo Costanzo.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:38] So, Dan, what bad movie would you like preserved?

Dan McCoy

[1:05:42] Let's say Heart Ticket to Hawaii.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:44] I thought it would be a Sedaris film.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:46] Yeah.

[1:05:46] That would be great.

[1:05:47] I was going to say one of the Andy Sedaris movies, right?

[1:05:50] He's a true auteur.

[1:05:51] He has things that he likes.

[1:05:52] He likes big guns and he likes big zooms on former Playboy models.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:58] I saw for a moment Dan was about to say boobs and was looking for, I guess, what, a classier word?

[1:06:04] And I could see it running...

Dan McCoy

[1:06:04] I was looking for something that would upset people to hear more.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:07] I could see them almost like the Wheel of Fortune.

[1:06:10] This wheel with his head going tick, tick, tick, with different words for boobs on it.

[1:06:13] And then it reached bazooms.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:14] I mean, they're all horrible.

[1:06:15] There's no, like, good word for boobs other than breasts.

[1:06:18] Breasts, Dan.

[1:06:19] Breasts.

[1:06:19] That's what I'm saying.

[1:06:20] Other than breasts.

[1:06:21] Yeah, flapjacks is...

[1:06:23] No, stop right there.

[1:06:25] Let's not go down this road.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:27] Stop it.

[1:06:28] We're not going there.

[1:06:29] If I could shake a bottle full of change like you're a dog barking and I'm trying to get to stop,

[1:06:34] I would do that right now.

[1:06:35] Squirt you with a water bottle like a cat on a couch.

[1:06:41] I would say Birdemic.

[1:06:44] Oh, yeah.

[1:06:46] Yeah.

[1:06:46] If only so I can watch it in the future and relive the night I attended its New York premiere.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:51] And what celebrities did you see at that premiere?

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:54] The stars of Birdemic.

[1:06:56] And no one else.

[1:06:57] The male star was...

Dan McCoy

[1:06:58] I saw Ethan Hawke on stage.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:01] I saw it so many times.

[1:07:02] I don't know how I did it.

[1:07:03] The male star was so stoked.

[1:07:06] And the female star realized why everyone was there.

[1:07:09] And they all said something before the movie.

[1:07:11] She said, just enjoy it for what it is, okay?

[1:07:13] And it made me sad for a moment.

[1:07:15] Like, oh, one of the people here understands that we're here to make fun of it.

[1:07:18] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:19] Stuart, are you going to say?

[1:07:20] I don't know.

[1:07:21] It's tough.

[1:07:23] Maybe something like Ricky O's story of Ricky, which is clearly a Goofy movie.

[1:07:29] But his...

[1:07:29] No, no.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:30] A Goofy movie is about Goofy connecting with his son.

[1:07:33] It does not involve someone being strangled by their own intestines.

[1:07:37] Wait a minute.

[1:07:37] If your nephews are like, can we rent a Goofy movie?

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:41] The one I rented...

[1:07:42] Yeah, of course.

[1:07:42] Rickio.

[1:07:43] I opened up the Rickio box and it was a movie full of the character Goofy doing stuff with,

[1:07:49] I guess, his family?

[1:07:50] I haven't had to pay that close attention.

[1:07:51] He's a single dad with a son.

[1:07:53] I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:53] But yeah, I think you may have gotten the videos swapped.

[1:07:56] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:59] Video swap.

[1:08:00] So there's a...

[1:08:01] The radar.

[1:08:01] There's a letter here from...

[1:08:03] For boredom.

[1:08:04] From Daniel, last name with hell, that's too long to go through entirely.

[1:08:08] Okay.

[1:08:09] But he made us some excerpts?

[1:08:10] Well, he makes a good case for the fact that Valkinvania is actually in Pennsylvania and not

[1:08:16] New Jersey.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:17] Okay.

[1:08:17] I don't know why they drove through Pennsylvania to get from New York City to Atlantic City.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:21] There's an establishing shot that's not of the Golden Dome, New Jersey capital, but the

[1:08:25] green, copper-clad Pennsylvania capital.

[1:08:30] The turnpike travels close to the Pennsylvania border.

[1:08:36] I mean, it explains the mines.

[1:08:37] Yeah, exactly.

[1:08:40] It was Pennsylvania's coal country.

[1:08:41] Chevy Chase's character states that they're the Jerseyvania triangle.

[1:08:46] The judge refers to the Commonwealth.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:48] I wonder if Daniel, the author of this letter, is from New Jersey and is trying to distance

[1:08:54] his state.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:54] I wonder if this is one Daniel Aykroyd.

[1:08:57] I would have a little bit of inside knowledge about the conception of the film.

[1:09:02] If I'm right, just send some Crystal Skull vodka to my house.

[1:09:06] Can't be Roger Aykroyd because that guy's been murdered.

[1:09:08] Oh!

[1:09:10] Round up all the suspects.

[1:09:11] Get the red herrings in here.

[1:09:13] That's a band.

[1:09:15] Yeah.

[1:09:15] They actually don't play their own instruments.

[1:09:18] You, uh, zooming through the memes?

[1:09:21] So, Dan, you're really reading that letter.

[1:09:23] Sorry.

[1:09:24] Scintillating.

[1:09:25] This is stimulating audio.

[1:09:26] So, this is a long letter if you've been scrolling all this time.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:29] Yeah.

[1:09:30] The last letter is from Jasmine, last name withheld, who writes,

[1:09:34] Dear Original Peaches, as I've been listening to your extensive archive of episodes,

[1:09:38] I've noticed something about many of the letters you've received from your male fans.

[1:09:41] Sure.

[1:09:41] There appears to be a plethora of men who have wives or female partners who are not fan of you three bozos.

[1:09:49] Yeah.

[1:09:49] I'm married to one.

[1:09:51] My wife is not a fan of us three bozos.

[1:09:54] Whether it's because they're schemed out by your pervy inclinations or simply cold-hearted monsters,

[1:09:59] the type of nagging wife stereotypes that Kevin James constantly finds herself married to.

[1:10:03] I would say nagging.

[1:10:04] I would say there can be a disagreement over taste between spouses.

[1:10:07] Uh, I'm not sure.

[1:10:08] Obviously, this is not wholly representative of your fan base, as your looks alone received plenty of attention from the lady folk.

[1:10:15] Well, well, well.

[1:10:17] However...

[1:10:17] Slipping in a little compliment.

[1:10:19] Yeah.

[1:10:19] Thank you, Jasmine.

[1:10:20] I can't remember a letter that you have read on air where it's a lady writing that her male partner was not immediately taken with your charms.

[1:10:26] For the sake of gender equality, allow me to remedy this oversight for you.

[1:10:30] When I first became enamored with your podcast, I wanted to talk about it constantly with anyone who would listen.

[1:10:35] Specifically, I shared my enthusiasm time and again with my fiancé.

[1:10:39] When I finally got him to listen to an episode with me...

[1:10:41] I just could assume his name is Dirk.

[1:10:42] Mm-hmm.

[1:10:43] I believe it was the Robocop episode.

[1:10:45] Expectations were set exceedingly high.

[1:10:48] As we listened, I became troubled by the fact that I was laughing repeatedly, while his laughter was more sporadic.

[1:10:53] He then began saying multiple times during your witty back-and-forth,

[1:10:57] relating to words that sound like other words.

[1:10:59] Okay, guys, we get it.

[1:11:00] Let's move on.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:02] I have five guesswork.

[1:11:03] We can't hear you.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:04] We're going to keep doing what we want to do.

[1:11:05] Growing impatient that you decided to continue with your tangent instead of, say,

[1:11:09] continue to describe the plot in a linear fashion.

[1:11:12] Come on, let's keep going.

[1:11:13] You're running this joke into the ground, he would say.

[1:11:14] It's my shock and disgust.

[1:11:16] I mean, he's got our number.

[1:11:17] We do that.

[1:11:18] When Elliot started singing...

[1:11:19] He'll sing, I guess.

[1:11:21] When Elliot started singing his letter song, he groan louder than I've ever heard Stuart Dan groan,

[1:11:25] appearing to be in physical pain, verbally saying,

[1:11:27] stop multiple times.

[1:11:29] After it was over, he said that it was, quote,

[1:11:31] pretty funny.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:35] God, turn it off!

[1:11:37] It was all right.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:41] However, do not fret.

[1:11:43] We are still together, and over time, he has learned to appreciate the Flophouse to an acceptable degree.

[1:11:47] He is delighted and entertained by Elliot's nod singing with, dance and patience and frustration with constantly being interrupted.

[1:11:53] And?

[1:11:54] And the way that Stu does not give a fuck that he's not in the entertainment business.

[1:11:57] Yay!

[1:11:58] And the house cat's in-her-face attitude.

[1:12:00] Oh, man, so much.

[1:12:01] He is totally rude dude with attitude.

[1:12:04] While he is not fully crossed over to the level of passion for the Flophouse that I share,

[1:12:09] sometimes showing a look of worry when I share with him yet another dream I've had that involved one of you,

[1:12:13] usually Dan, if I'm being honest,

[1:12:15] or as more and more members of the Flophouse Facebook group become my real Facebook friends,

[1:12:19] I think you won him over.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:20] There's something about Dan's voice that lulls you to sleep.

[1:12:23] He's like the Morpheus of our podcast.

[1:12:27] When he meets people in the sewer and offers them a choice of pill.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:31] Which brings me to my semi-related question.

[1:12:33] Has there ever been a time when your enthusiasm for something has been so great

[1:12:36] that it actually turned someone off to the thing you were recommending to them?

[1:12:40] Sure, many times.

[1:12:41] Jasmine, last thing withheld.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:43] Let me introduce you to a little book called The Power Broker by Robert Caro.

[1:12:48] One of my favorite books, my favorite non-fiction book.

[1:12:51] I think I have ensured a number of people will never read it with my fervor in trying to push it on them.

[1:12:56] But I read it because of you.

[1:12:59] Look, you were one of my few successes.

[1:13:02] And I appreciate that.

[1:13:03] I read all 1,200 pages of it.

[1:13:07] It's like barely more than 1,100 pages long.

[1:13:10] Oh, what a book.

[1:13:11] I love it.

[1:13:12] Dan, what about you?

Dan McCoy

[1:13:15] You know, I tend to be on the other side of things.

[1:13:18] Like if someone just, someone chalks something up to me too much,

[1:13:23] I don't want to watch it.

[1:13:26] Yeah, that happens to me too.

[1:13:27] That's why I still don't watch Community.

[1:13:29] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:31] And you also have a tendency to undersell things.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:34] Yeah, I do.

[1:13:36] I'm going to undersell my recommendations tonight.

[1:13:41] What about you, Stuart?

[1:13:43] You almost told me, Dan.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:45] I apologize.

[1:13:45] Game of Thrones.

[1:13:46] Yeah, that's part of it.

[1:13:47] I get way too worked up for that stuff.

[1:13:49] I get really worked up talking about Game of Thrones.

[1:13:52] So that's probably something.

[1:13:53] The books.

[1:13:54] Yeah, of course the books.

[1:13:55] Not that fucking garbage TV show.

[1:13:58] The, so one of my big hobbies, of course, is like playing role-playing games and stuff like that.

[1:14:05] And I'm sure that I have had many conversations with people who are not gamers and tried to sell somebody on a, like a card game or a board game.

[1:14:17] And, of course, that conversation was the last time we ever talked about that thing that I was like, oh, you've got to play Netrunner.

[1:14:25] It's the best game ever.

[1:14:26] And we'd talk about it for, I don't know, 20, 30 minutes while their response become less often and shorter.

[1:14:35] And then, of course, it is never mentioned again.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:37] Yeah, exciting.

[1:14:42] Yeah.

[1:14:43] So sometimes our enthusiasm is getting, like, noticeably sicker the longer we podcast.

[1:14:50] The podcast is killing you still.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:52] No, it's like a reverse podcast of Dorian Gray.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:54] I'm, like, feeling it happen to me as we go on.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:57] So we should probably move on to the next.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:00] Oh, boy.

[1:15:01] You did it now.

[1:15:02] Uh-oh.

[1:15:03] You've done it now, Stuart.

[1:15:04] You've ruined the podcast.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:05] Start it all over.

[1:15:06] On tonight's episode, we watched We Are Your Friends.

[1:15:10] We watched Stealth if we're starting it all the way.

[1:15:12] We've got to go back to the first episode.

[1:15:14] We've got to get Simon back here.

[1:15:15] Oh, man.

[1:15:16] I don't think Slime would be up for that.

[1:15:18] So we, next part of this podcast, Dan, is your favorite part, is where we recommend movies we watched on planes.

[1:15:27] It's called Japes on a Plane.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:31] Yeah.

[1:15:31] It's not really called.

[1:15:31] It's called Recommendations.

[1:15:32] Because I teased how little I'm going to recommend these movies.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:37] So you should be the anchor and pull up the rear, or do you want to go first?

[1:15:41] No, I'm going to go first so we can...

[1:15:43] Yeah, set a tone.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:44] Mm-hmm.

[1:15:45] We start low, and then we move to a crescendo, like a good EDM song.

[1:15:50] Yeah.

[1:15:51] But then there's a drop.

[1:15:53] It's going to be the intro or the drop.

[1:15:54] It's going to be the intro.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:56] The drop is the exciting part.

[1:15:58] The drop is the moment of tension before the exciting part comes in.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:02] Yeah, that's where you peak and then you back off.

[1:16:07] All right.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:08] That's also what they did in Porky's.

[1:16:10] They peaked and then they backed off.

[1:16:12] If only they kept backing.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:15] They wouldn't have gotten in trouble.

[1:16:17] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:17] I saw two movies that are solid two-and-a-half, three-star movies.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:24] Okay.

[1:16:25] Wow.

[1:16:25] So, on the lower end of the scale.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:27] But I enjoyed both of them.

[1:16:29] I'm just setting expectations appropriately.

[1:16:32] It's out of three-and-a-half stars earlier.

[1:16:35] Oh, that's pretty high then.

[1:16:37] One of them was called In the Blood, and the other one was called Krampus.

[1:16:41] And In the Blood is...

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:44] Even the way you said the title, it's like you're disappointed in it.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:47] In the Blood is a movie starring Gina Carano, the MMA fighter who you may remember from Haywire.

[1:16:53] Yeah, that was a fun movie.

[1:16:54] Yeah, it was Haywire for Haywire.

[1:16:56] And this movie is not directed by Steven Soderbergh.

[1:17:00] It's slightly less critically acclaimed director.

[1:17:03] The guy who made Blue Crush and Teristas.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:08] Oh, and it features Flophouse favorite Cam Gajanda.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:12] Yeah.

[1:17:13] Cam Gajanda is in it.

[1:17:15] And as well as Louis Guzman and Flophouse favorite.

[1:17:20] I mean, he's every great fave.

[1:17:22] And Danny Trejo.

[1:17:23] Danny Trejo, yeah.

[1:17:24] I haven't seen it.

[1:17:24] I'm just looking it up.

[1:17:25] Does he play his popular character, Badass?

[1:17:30] I mean, he basically...

[1:17:31] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:32] It's kind of the only one he plays.

[1:17:33] Except in that one movie where Maggie Gyllenhaal is a recovering drug addict.

[1:17:39] Oh, okay.

[1:17:40] There, where Danny Trejo plays a sympathetic character.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:42] But the movie is basically one of those frantic knockoffs where a couple goes to another country

[1:17:50] and one of them disappears and the other one has to figure out where they've gone to

[1:17:56] and why the whole country seems to be in a weird conspiracy against him or her to find their loved one.

[1:18:06] And so it's hilariously xenophobic.

[1:18:09] It's a movie where it looks like Americans going anywhere are going to get into trouble

[1:18:15] and be attacked by foreigners.

[1:18:18] Don't lose a little China.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:19] You're going to find trouble there.

[1:18:20] Big trouble.

[1:18:21] And might as well just go visit local places.

[1:18:26] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:26] Go somewhere in this country.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:27] Like your local library?

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:28] Yeah.

[1:18:29] Visit your local library.

[1:18:30] Then you can travel anywhere you want, dude.

[1:18:32] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:34] Butterfly in the sky.

[1:18:36] I can fly twice as high.

[1:18:38] Okay.

[1:18:38] You're still sick, dude.

[1:18:41] I admire Dan's ambition.

[1:18:47] There's also a point in the movie where it seems like Gina Carano just sort of gives up on being a normal human being,

[1:18:55] trying to find her husband, and starts just murdering her way through the island.

[1:18:59] So I like that.

[1:19:01] And Krampus is a movie that was written and directed by the guy who did Trick or Treat, which was a movie that I enjoyed quite a lot.

[1:19:11] You would call that movie a treat.

[1:19:13] I would.

[1:19:14] It's not as good as that movie, but it is a Christmas time horror comedy trying to be in the vein of, you know, like an Amblin movie from the past.

[1:19:27] It's got that same sort of tone, except for it's a little more disturbing.

[1:19:32] Like for a PG-13 movie, it has some pretty frightening character designs.

[1:19:38] I would say that the main problem with it is it's not quite as funny as it should be for a horror comedy, and it never quite makes me care enough about the characters to really be scared.

[1:19:49] But it's...

[1:19:50] Okay, so fails on the two main counts of a horror comedy.

[1:19:53] But it's got, like, but the light tone is still a lot of fun, and, like, I like seeing, like, Adam Scott in that kind of movie, just as I like to see him in Piranha.

[1:20:04] Like, this is part of his duology with Piranha, where he, like, is in a horror comedy where he takes a shotgun and blasts things.

[1:20:16] So those are my two recommendations.

[1:20:17] That's probably how they pitched him the movie.

[1:20:19] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:20] Yeah, I got a...

[1:20:22] I guess, I mean, I'm going to keep my first recommendation super short.

[1:20:25] I went and saw Captain America Civil War.

[1:20:28] It was really great.

[1:20:28] Really satisfying.

[1:20:29] I was listening to a show where folks were complaining about how there's too many superhero movies, and I kind of agree with that.

[1:20:38] But at the same time, like, one of the most common complaints is the idea that you have to, like, it's hard to keep track of all these characters.

[1:20:47] And I don't find the idea of, like, entertainment that requires more out of you as an audience to be the downside.

[1:20:54] Like, I can understand the idea of it being, like, silly and popcorn.

[1:20:58] That makes sense.

[1:20:59] Like, somebody finds, like, the idea of superhero movies to be, like, silly fluff.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:03] They might be saying they don't want to have to put that much effort in to enjoy a piece of popcorn fluff.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:07] Mm-hmm.

[1:21:07] Well, I think that Captain America Civil War is worth the effort.

[1:21:13] But I was also...

[1:21:15] I was mainly going to recommend a movie called The 13th Warrior, directed by John McTier.

[1:21:20] You finally watched it.

[1:21:21] I finally watched it.

[1:21:23] This is going to mark the absolute last time that I agree to watch a movie by a listener recommendation.

[1:21:31] Because I got a lot of pressure.

[1:21:33] I got a lot of pressure heat on me.

[1:21:35] And I don't got time for that, bro.

[1:21:37] I had a lot of Dark Souls to play the last couple weeks.

[1:21:40] And it...

[1:21:42] So, I've never seen this movie.

[1:21:44] And it's right up my alley.

[1:21:45] It's a, like a...

[1:21:47] The one with Antonio Banderas.

[1:21:48] Exactly.

[1:21:49] Playing...

[1:21:50] I'm guessing a more...

[1:21:52] You want more of him.

[1:21:54] Yeah.

[1:21:55] You're wanting just that.

[1:21:57] Where Antonio Banderas plays a former advisor of a Middle Eastern nation in the Middle Ages,

[1:22:06] Dark Ages.

[1:22:07] And he is exiled, basically.

[1:22:10] And he teams up with Omar Sharif, which was great.

[1:22:15] And they are sent on, like, an ambassador mission to meet with some, like, Nordic Viking dudes.

[1:22:22] And he ends up getting wrapped up in an adventure where these 13 warriors have to go to the north and kill some kind of strange evil and save a king.

[1:22:34] And it has a lot of fun touches.

[1:22:38] It's bloodier than I initially expected it to be, which is something that you don't quite see, like...

[1:22:45] And it's almost all practical because this came out years and years ago.

[1:22:49] Mm-hmm.

[1:22:50] And it's got a bunch of great English and Scandinavian actors.

[1:22:56] And there's some fun moments.

[1:22:58] And it's, yeah, it's a pretty decent little action-adventure movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:03] I am going to go to possibly the farthest end of the filmmaking spectrum from that one.

[1:23:11] I'm going to recommend a documentary from 1967 directed by Shirley Clark called Portrait of Jason, which is a...

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:20] It's a hockey mask.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:21] Yeah, it's about a...

[1:23:22] He's some kind of death elemental.

[1:23:24] And it's...

[1:23:25] The entire movie is one man, this guy who calls himself Jason Holiday, who is a kind of, as you find out through the movie,

[1:23:35] a kind of jack-of-all-trades-slash-male-hustler who wants to be a cabaret performer.

[1:23:42] And he is black and gay at a time when it was very difficult to be either of those things and even more difficult to be both of them.

[1:23:50] And it is him telling stories of his version of his life as he is kind of egged on by the people making the film from off-camera.

[1:24:01] And the way they shot it was that they literally, from 9 p.m. until 9 a.m. of one night,

[1:24:07] they got him increasingly drunk throughout the night and had him dig deeper and deeper into his life.

[1:24:13] And it raises these real questions of, like, how much performing is going on both in his everyday life and in his attempts to create a persona for himself

[1:24:24] and in how the movie is presenting him.

[1:24:26] There are a couple moments where the movie is reminding you, this is edited and this has been manipulated.

[1:24:31] You think you're seeing truth, but how can you know you're seeing truth?

[1:24:35] And how much is this person complicit with putting themselves on display and how much are they being exploited?

[1:24:42] It's a very, like, uncomfortable movie to watch, but it's really fascinating and magnetic.

[1:24:47] And for anyone who has found themselves drawn to, like, gray gardens, I would recommend it.

[1:24:52] It's a portrait of someone who is living on a fringe of society in a way that they are attempting to make a life for themselves

[1:25:01] and you're not quite sure if they're succeeding or failing by their own terms

[1:25:05] and you're not quite sure how in on the joke they are of the film.

[1:25:11] There's no joke here, but how in on the film they are.

[1:25:15] And I just found it really fascinating and engrossing, but also, like, made me ask a lot of questions

[1:25:21] about what I was getting out of the film and how the filmmakers were playing fair.

[1:25:26] And I thought it was really fascinating.

[1:25:27] So Portrait of Jason, I recommend.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:31] Wow, that's a bunch of recommendations.

[1:25:33] We did it, guys.

[1:25:34] A ton of them.

[1:25:36] So, um...

[1:25:37] A metric shit ton of recommendations.

[1:25:40] As usual, thanks for listening to this silly show of ours.

[1:25:43] I don't know why you do it.

[1:25:44] If you get a chance, go to iTunes and give us a review.

[1:25:47] We don't ask for that very often, but I guess I think it helps.

[1:25:51] Yeah, why not?

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:51] And listen to other Max Fun shows.

[1:25:53] There's a lot of great ones on the network.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:54] Yeah, I love being part of the network.

[1:25:56] I think there's a lot of fun ones.

[1:25:57] Some new ones like the Beep and Dairy Network.

[1:25:59] Yeah.

[1:26:00] Yeah, you've been loving that one.

[1:26:01] I'm all over that.

[1:26:02] And also, we just recently set up a YouTube channel under Flophouse Podcast,

[1:26:10] which has some original animation done by Tony Oker.

[1:26:15] Adapting scenes from episodes.

[1:26:17] Yep.

[1:26:17] Some of your favorite bits are on there.

[1:26:20] And we also have some playlists where we are slowly tracking down old videos that folks have put up,

[1:26:28] like the music videos for our music video contests and a bunch of other things.

[1:26:32] I think there's also maybe even some old footage.

[1:26:36] There might even be some old footage from some of our live shows from way back in the day.

[1:26:40] Oh, really?

[1:26:41] Yeah, I think there's some stuff that was uploaded, like the clip from Don't Tell Her It's Me,

[1:26:49] where she ripped Tommy's penis on.

[1:26:51] Yeah.

[1:26:53] How do we find that again?

[1:26:54] Go to YouTube and look up the Flophouse Podcast.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:59] Great.

[1:27:00] Those are all great things.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:04] Dan, this is the first ever episode of Flophouse where we tuck you in at the end.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:09] My battery is draining.

[1:27:11] I can...

[1:27:12] Daisy.

[1:27:13] Dan.

[1:27:14] Daisy.

[1:27:17] Before I pass out on the microphone, dying as I lived, this has been...

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:28] Hey.

[1:27:29] Does it ever get better than this?

[1:27:31] Do we get better than this?

[1:27:33] Do we get better than this?

[1:27:34] No.

[1:27:35] What does he say in the movie?

[1:27:35] Wait, these are your friends?

[1:27:37] These?

[1:27:37] No, no.

[1:27:38] Those were your friends.

[1:27:39] Here are your friends.

[1:27:41] Who are your friends?

Dan McCoy

[1:27:41] Well, the place is your friends.

[1:27:44] Horton, here's a friend.

[1:27:46] For the Flophouse.

[1:27:47] Gus.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:48] Joe Easy.

[1:27:50] Joe Easy.

[1:27:52] Pheebs.

[1:27:53] And let's not forget Murray.

[1:27:55] Russ.

[1:27:57] Gus.

[1:27:57] Jenna Brenda.

[1:27:59] Morgan.

[1:28:00] Gunther.

[1:28:02] Chickory.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:05] Elvis, too.

Stuart Wellington

[1:28:07] Banfield.

[1:28:09] So Dan's about to die, so that was Dan.

[1:28:11] Stuart.

[1:28:12] I'm waiting forever.

[1:28:13] YOLO.

[1:28:14] That's me, Stuart Willington.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:16] And against all laws of God and man, I remain, Elliot Kalin.

[1:28:21] Good night, everyone.

[1:28:22] No regrets.

[1:28:23] YOLO.

[1:28:30] That was fine.

[1:28:32] Good enough for Dan, raves Dan McCoy.

[1:28:36] Don't want to do it again, declares Dan McCoy of the On Board With This Gazette.

[1:28:45] Just let me continue drinking my peak organic pale ale.

[1:28:49] I'll get on that action.

S5

[1:28:54] Maximumfun.org.

[1:28:55] Comedy and culture.

[1:28:56] Artist owned.

[1:28:57] Listener supported.

[1:28:59] Hi, I'm Mark.

[1:28:59] And I'm Hal.

[1:29:00] And we're the hosts of We Got This.

[1:29:02] The show that offers definitive answers to dumb debates that you suggest.

[1:29:07] Every Wednesday, we discuss the hot button topics you never knew you cared so much about.

[1:29:11] Like whether you should put ketchup on a hot dog.

[1:29:13] What's the best Star Wars movie?

[1:29:15] Whether it's better to be too hot or too cold.

[1:29:17] Coke or Pepsi?

[1:29:18] Best Marvel movie.

[1:29:20] Which is the best religion?

[1:29:21] I told you we're not doing that one.

S4

[1:29:23] So join us every week on MaximumFun.org.

S5

[1:29:26] And don't worry, everyone.

[1:29:28] We got this.

[1:29:29] We got this.

Ep. #204 - We Are Your Friends

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