Ep.#206 - The Choice

[0:00] On this episode we watched a movie called the choice

[0:04] Which do you choose watch this movie or don't watch this movie?

[0:30] You

[0:41] Hey everyone, welcome to the flop house, I'm Dan McCoy. Hey, I'm Stuart Wellington. Hey, I'm Hallie Hagelin

[0:51] She's back

[0:53] The star of the flop house is back. Oh, I killed Elliot. Okay him. Oh, wow. Now you have his powers

[1:01] Mm-hmm

[1:05] That was his deepest power, right

[1:09] Adjusting your suspenders, which is what you're doing there. I think or were you adjusting a cape?

[1:14] You guys I'm just here to fill in for Elliot. He's actually totally fine

[1:19] I don't know what he's doing, but he texted me so I don't think he's that busy

[1:23] Yeah, he was like have a good taping tonight. I'm like, well

[1:28] You can you can use your thumbs then you can tape a podcast. Yeah

[1:33] Yeah, maybe he's stuck in a kiddie pool full of I don't know like cozy

[1:37] Pudding or something or Pete cozy pudding. Yeah, isn't that a brand cozy?

[1:43] Look at Google

[1:45] I'm gonna wrap myself up in a bag a cozy put

[1:51] Tapioca, I guess maybe that's cozier than other puddings the cozy is the brand name

[1:56] Although I guess it could also be the descriptor

[1:59] It's gonna be so warm when I'm inside that pudding. I mean not initially but it warms up

[2:04] Yeah, I mean, there's no real pudding that's cozying these days you guys know what I mean

[2:11] about Bill Cosby

[2:15] Should have picked up on your subtle facial cues that Cosby smart. Yeah

[2:31] Yeah, I was checking my drink for roofies, oh wow, yeah

[2:37] So yeah, I read myself just to get a character

[2:43] No, sorry, please continue

[2:45] This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it. Mm-hmm

[2:50] As you can see one of our regular hosts Elliot Kalin is he's dead

[2:55] I was gonna say on a sabbatical of one episode. Yeah, but he could also be dead

[3:01] Would be by the time we record this podcast God, that would be the worst thing. I'm so sad

[3:08] Handling

[3:09] comedians and cars

[3:11] Getting coffee. Oh really what happened?

[3:14] It was like filmed very like very near to his death

[3:18] And he was like the title is literally like Gary Shandling. At least I'm still alive. It's not funny. Yeah

[3:26] Wow

[3:28] So man rough. Okay right at the top. We're talking about comedian death and I guess comedian rapes

[3:35] Yeah, so wow, let's uh

[3:37] Holy

[3:40] Eats one of her martini olives

[3:42] Sound normally what we do on this here podcast is we watch a movie and then we talk about it

[3:48] And what did we watch tonight guys watch the movie called the choice?

[3:51] which

[3:52] We gave Hallie the decision the choice the choice

[3:56] Like what we would watch tonight because she was the guest and I was until we could have someone to blame

[4:02] I was rattling off different titles and she's like the choice. What's that?

[4:06] I was like, it's a Nicholas Sparks movie and her face lit up

[4:10] biggest spark

[4:12] You didn't even get to say all of sparks before a hand covered your mouth and said shut up. We're watching this one

[4:20] Nicholas Sparks, of course known for movies like the notebook or books books turned into movies. Yeah. Yeah

[4:27] No book where as I understand it. Yeah, what happens in that one?

[4:31] That's the big one, right? It's Alzheimer's

[4:33] derails of

[4:35] Romance, there's a romance for the ages ending like you didn't see the notebook. You've seen the notebook

[4:41] I know I I've seen little bits of

[4:45] Coming out a little bit

[4:48] Yeah, no, Dan didn't have time to watch the notebook. He was too busy watching Terminator 2 and yeah

[4:53] and

[4:56] Love and then old Ryan Gosling is James Garner. I don't know who old

[5:01] Like Maggie Smith or something. It's not Maggie Smith

[5:05] what who's the

[5:07] Judy Dench, no, it's not

[5:11] either but it's like

[5:13] One of those people. Yeah

[5:16] Angie Oldington. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's probably that

[5:20] So that's one we watch safe haven for this podcast, which is the one that's another Nicholas Parks a ghost

[5:27] Tells the lady to date a date her husband. Oh, yeah, there was a ghost in that

[5:33] That's why when we were about to watch this one. I'm like at least there's gonna be a fucking ghost in it, right?

[5:39] Yeah, you like a real spook him up. Yeah. Yeah, so that it's both scary and a little bit lovely. I

[5:46] Kept thinking we were having moments of ghosts, but it was just like slow fade-ins to different scenes

[5:52] But they like left the images on the screen like just a little bit too long

[5:57] Why do you want to see a ghost every October? I want to see a ghost every month. I

[6:03] Think you're just seeing ghosts wherever you wherever you want to see him

[6:08] But what's this movie about? Yeah, what is this movie about?

[6:12] So

[6:13] smash cut to the opening of this movie and

[6:17] we see

[6:19] We hear somebody is a Tom Wilkinson. Somebody's doing a narration as we see the main, dude

[6:25] Let's call him. Is it the main dude? Yeah, Travis. Yeah

[6:30] Travis

[6:31] Handsome bones. Oh, he is handsome and pretty bony

[6:36] Uh-huh. I mean to be fair when we started watching it we were watching it with that weird screen

[6:44] Really stretched out like the greys I asked Hallie what she thought of our

[6:49] Romantic lead at one point and she and she's like he's okay

[6:52] It's not pretty to be fair. That was before you change the setting of the screen. Yeah

[6:58] That's pretty. Well, yeah, he was definitely more attractive or maybe I just got to know him

[7:03] And I just saw how much he loved his wife. And yeah at first I was like, oh, he's like Slenderman. I love him

[7:09] Yeah, I don't know what the problem was but Amazon Prime you got a switch up your

[7:14] Presets or whatever because my normal television looked totally normal and then I put on the choice and everyone looked all squish heads

[7:23] Wait, what part squished it's on the sides, right? Yeah. Okay

[7:27] So are you telling the listeners to change their presets or you admonishing Amazon? Yeah

[7:33] I'm telling them to dial into their menu button. Mm-hmm and go to picture

[7:39] goodness

[7:40] Yep, and what you're doing optimum

[7:42] Yeah

[7:42] You did that a couple times throughout the the movie and we lost a couple of scenes and set the squishiness to zero

[7:48] Mm-hmm. Yeah, and the awesomeness to 12. Mm-hmm. Yeah, only maxed out no metal sliders

[7:55] That's the the maximum is 12. Mm-hmm

[7:59] so we

[8:01] So the movie begins with a voiceover about choice and how life is made up of little choices and some other shit

[8:08] And then we have our hero

[8:10] handsome bones riding around on a fan boat in

[8:14] in Florida

[8:16] And he's got a you know, kind of like not really long

[8:21] Isn't he in South or North Carolina? Oh, yeah, you're right

[8:24] It's probably North Carolina because it's it has all of the prettiness of Florida, but none of the grossness

[8:30] It's like Outer Banks or something. It's a very

[8:34] romantic setting

[8:36] Well, it's tough for me to place it because every time they do a shot of like landscape or anything

[8:41] It feels so tight like they have only this tiny little window that they can shoot because if you look a little bit to the right

[8:48] Oh

[8:49] Wow, Archie doesn't like my description if you look to the right or the left at all, you're gonna see like construction

[8:56] people in like American flag

[8:59] Short shorts or something. Yeah

[9:04] The belly shirt going hey

[9:09] They're mostly just still cleaning up from Hurricane Katrina bring it back down

[9:17] Grounded because we got pretty romantic in the movie and I just want you guys to know that's not what real life is like

[9:25] Yeah, so every time we peak we got a back off a little bit we've talked about tragedies so we have

[9:32] Handsome youngling riding around in his fan boat. Yeah, and he's a man on a mission. He snatches us to get ladies

[9:39] We think as he snatches up some flowers heads into a hospital and at this point I'm like we got boats

[9:46] We got a place that I thought was Florida. We got a hospital. We got prime Nicholas Sparks material, right? Yeah

[9:52] And there's a he has a brief interaction with a handsome almost equally handsome doctor

[10:00] different way. And that he's beefier. Yeah, he's like a big slab of man.

[10:05] Yeah, even stretched out, I was like, he's pretty beefy.

[10:09] I mean, he's not beefy, just he's good. Yeah, all right. I don't know why you want a

[10:15] body shape. Well, what I was trying to say is if... No, he's like a good stew.

[10:19] He's like a delicious stew. Yeah, it's like a delicious version of me.

[10:23] I feel like if you were making a cartoon with these two guys,

[10:28] Handsome Bones and The Doctor, Handsome Bones would definitely be a talking hot dog character,

[10:34] and The Doctor would be a talking hamburger. I mean, it's pretty obvious.

[10:37] That's it. I agree. The Doctor would have his voice would be Patrick Warburton.

[10:42] Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, that's what I think of when I devour a hamburger.

[10:47] I'm eating a delicious Patrick Warburton. I'm actually pretty sure that that actor was on

[10:52] 90210 the college years. Okay.

[10:56] Yeah. Wait, which one?

[10:58] The guy who played The Doctor. Okay.

[11:00] Yeah, I think he was like the frat guy that Tori Spelling dated before she...

[11:08] Who'd she end up with on that show? Because in real life, she ended up with someone else.

[11:16] Wait, in the show, she ended up with Brian Austin Green, right?

[11:18] David. David Silver.

[11:20] Wait, is that Brian Austin Green?

[11:21] Yes. Okay.

[11:23] But yeah, but on the show, in real life, she wound up with that guy who hosts

[11:31] Canadian Top Chef or something.

[11:35] Canadian Top Chef. It's all poutine. It's all 100% poutine-based.

[11:40] No, not Canadian. Canadian Chopped. That's what I meant.

[11:42] All right. Okay.

[11:43] Basically, everything I'm saying...

[11:45] Throw that poutine out. It's garbage.

[11:48] You're going to get a lot of letters about every fact I just said in the last...

[11:52] Well, not that many letters. Not that many people like this show.

[11:54] But everybody likes facts who watch this show.

[11:58] Everybody likes facts.

[12:00] Yep. People are yelling into their pod players right now.

[12:03] No, that's wrong. It was Canadian Chopped, dummies.

[12:07] And we are dummies, but our hero, Hot Dog, is not a dummy because we go backwards in time

[12:14] because at this point, that's such a great bookend.

[12:17] I just want to see my phone. Now I'm obsessed about...

[12:20] That was the Beverly Hills.

[12:21] So framing device is done. Our hero is now hanging out with his buddies on a boat again

[12:29] in a marina, and he's hitting on some babes, some blonde babes in bikinis.

[12:34] He's showing off how he's the cool guy friend.

[12:37] And his buddies are just chill, and they're basically being a little bit of a peanut gallery

[12:44] and also kind of analyzing his maneuvers and skills.

[12:46] They're like, oh, dirty dog.

[12:50] Yeah, which is weird because he owns a dirty dog, who we'll meet later.

[12:54] The dog doesn't actually get that dirty until the end because it won't swim.

[12:58] That's why he always has to carry him.

[13:00] Oh, I didn't pay that close attention.

[13:03] Yeah.

[13:04] So Hot Dog gets stolen away from these babes with a third babe played by who?

[13:13] Teresa Palmer.

[13:16] I think. Is that right?

[13:18] No, I was talking about his high school girlfriend.

[13:20] Oh, yeah.

[13:20] I mean, all the babes.

[13:21] Alexandra Daddario.

[13:23] Yep, Daddario.

[13:25] Named after the guitar strings, the Daddario guitar strings.

[13:30] Yep, and the popular chain of pizza restaurants.

[13:39] So we basically learn a little backstory.

[13:42] This guy is kind of a kind of a lady, lady killer, but not really.

[13:46] He doesn't actually kill any ladies and he loves partying with his buddy.

[13:50] Much more interesting movie if that was what it was.

[13:52] It was a romance where one of the guys is like a lady murderer and they have to get over.

[13:56] That's the that's the hitch that they have to get over.

[13:59] She's like, could you just stop murdering other ladies?

[14:01] I mean, he certainly makes faces as if he's putting together an audition reel

[14:05] for American Psycho, the musical.

[14:07] Yeah.

[14:08] Wait, you guys, that was not from 90210 at all.

[14:12] But that was Superman from Smallville.

[14:14] What?

[14:15] Yeah.

[14:16] What?

[14:16] Tom Welling?

[14:18] What?

[14:18] Really?

[14:20] He's beefed up.

[14:21] Yeah, I don't think he actually he looks familiar.

[14:24] I mean, not familiar enough for me to actually know who he was, but you know.

[14:28] Yeah, I mean, I really don't actually want to body shame anyone,

[14:32] but he just looks much bigger than he used to.

[14:34] I mean, let's admit that other Superman guy got way fatter.

[14:37] Oh, Dean Cain?

[14:38] Yeah.

[14:39] Yeah.

[14:40] Yep, that's true.

[14:42] Time makes monsters of us all.

[14:44] He was hosting Ripley's Believe It or Not, and he was like,

[14:47] can you believe how fat I've gotten?

[14:51] Or not.

[14:53] Nope, we believe it.

[14:54] Sorry, Dean Cain.

[14:56] Don't you have any Christian action movies you can star in?

[14:59] And he's like, I'm too fat for those now.

[15:01] And then we all got sad.

[15:03] I feel like every time I come on this show, I body shame men.

[15:08] And I feel like...

[15:09] It's fine.

[15:09] Turnabout is fair play.

[15:10] No, yeah, I feel like it's important.

[15:12] I feel like someone is finally willing to say it.

[15:18] Yep.

[15:19] Somebody finally stands up to the patriarchy.

[15:21] Yeah.

[15:23] So back to...

[15:27] We get a pretty quick setup of...

[15:29] And by quick, I mean it takes forever.

[15:32] Where we discover our hero likes to hang out with his friends,

[15:36] he likes to play his music real loud,

[15:38] and his music entirely consists of covers of songs,

[15:42] hangs out with his dog, he likes to barbecue, all this shit.

[15:47] And then we are introduced to his next door neighbor,

[15:49] who is a Amber Heard type,

[15:52] who is trying to study but can't

[15:54] because her next door neighbor is partying all the time.

[15:57] And she's also frustrated because her dog's nipples are totally swollen.

[16:01] But also, whatever happened with that test?

[16:04] Because that was an important test that she needed to take

[16:07] to become a doctor.

[16:09] And she never took it, and then she never had any job

[16:12] after when they were buried in that montage.

[16:15] You jumped ahead a little bit, but they do get married.

[16:17] They don't really address her career.

[16:20] They don't mention when she's in a coma, for instance.

[16:22] I didn't say who they were.

[16:24] They don't mention when she's in a coma,

[16:26] like, she has to take a lot of time off of work

[16:28] while she's in this coma.

[16:30] She's going to get fired because, apparently,

[16:32] she didn't follow through with her career.

[16:34] No, I'm saying, yeah, the unspoken message of this

[16:37] is if you want a man, if you want to keep a man,

[16:40] give up your medical studying.

[16:43] One of your possible choices could be give up your studies,

[16:48] give up your teaching people to ride horses,

[16:51] and instead, you'll get hit by a car in a rainstorm

[16:55] and be put in a coma for exactly as long as the movie needs you to be.

[16:58] We are really giving away a lot of the...

[17:02] We'll get around.

[17:02] We have to paint a picture before you drop these bombs on people.

[17:07] And most of this movie feels like you're painting a picture.

[17:09] At least the first half hour feels like

[17:11] I am flipping through a J.Crew catalog

[17:15] and I have sad music playing in the background.

[17:18] And if somebody just sprayed salt water in front of a fan by my face,

[17:23] I feel like I would be living this movie.

[17:27] That said, everything's really...

[17:29] Dan is really excited with this new gizmo he's playing with.

[17:33] And by new gizmo, I'm not talking about the Mogwai.

[17:35] I'm talking about a little...

[17:36] I was looking at our backup recorder, which I don't think was working.

[17:41] Oh, now we're living on the edge without a backup.

[17:43] Yeah.

[17:43] Is it working now?

[17:45] No.

[17:45] What if... We'll check back in a couple of minutes.

[17:48] Okay.

[17:48] So we're just saying that the movie opens with a ladies man

[17:55] who just can't quite settle down

[17:57] and a bookish nerd lady who has a dog with swollen teats.

[18:01] The aforementioned Teresa Palmer,

[18:03] you might remember from I Am Number Four.

[18:06] I didn't remember her.

[18:07] You might remember her from...

[18:09] What was the other one?

[18:10] That's a movie where a guy is a superhero.

[18:13] The Sorcerer's Apprentice was the other one she was in.

[18:16] Also didn't remember her in that either.

[18:19] That's the one with...

[18:19] This is really her breakout role then, I guess.

[18:22] Yeah.

[18:23] Yeah, I mean, this movie was super successful.

[18:26] Was it?

[18:27] I don't think so.

[18:28] I never heard of it.

[18:30] That's for sure.

[18:33] So, of course, opposites attract,

[18:36] like that song where the Catman has sex with Paul Abdul.

[18:41] It's implied.

[18:42] That's what it was called, MC Catman.

[18:45] So, of course, our Teresa Palmer nurse lady...

[18:52] She was not a nurse.

[18:54] Okay, so she...

[18:55] Doctor.

[18:56] Right?

[18:56] She was a med student.

[18:58] And she was just interning.

[19:00] She wasn't...

[19:00] Okay, that makes sense.

[19:02] Doing her residency.

[19:04] Okay, I'm sorry.

[19:06] So, her boyfriend, played by Superman, I guess, aka The Hamburger...

[19:14] The Hamburglar.

[19:15] He...

[19:16] Oh, he is...

[19:17] I don't know.

[19:18] I mean, he says more than just robble robble in this movie.

[19:21] I mean, he could probably afford to buy hamburgers rather than steal them.

[19:25] Oh, he could.

[19:25] He's a doctor.

[19:26] I'm pretty sure The Hamburglar can afford to buy hamburgers, too.

[19:29] They're not that expensive.

[19:30] He just does it for the thrill.

[19:31] Exactly.

[19:31] He does it for the thrill.

[19:32] The sexual thrill.

[19:33] It's not like he's wimpy or something.

[19:35] No, all right.

[19:36] Who lies and takes out IOUs.

[19:38] Did you guys know if The Hamburger takes off his mask, it's Winona Ryder?

[19:47] I did not know that.

[19:51] She just did it for the thrill.

[19:54] Yep.

[19:55] And apparently much older than I thought.

[19:59] Sure.

[20:00] Wait, is that Winona Ryder or the Hamburglar?

[20:04] I think they're of a size.

[20:06] He looks pretty big. I mean, he stands up pretty close to Gromit, right?

[20:11] Grimace?

[20:14] Or Gromit from Waltz of Gromit.

[20:17] Yeah, the claymation dog.

[20:19] Yeah, I mean, Grimace.

[20:22] Okay, so you're using Grimace, a giant purple thing, as your scale comparison.

[20:29] I mean, he was supposed to be like a drop of a shake.

[20:34] What flavor shake is that?

[20:36] I don't know, because they never had a purple shake.

[20:39] They must have had a purple shake.

[20:41] I don't think so.

[20:44] He also was originally a villain. This is the Grimace trivia cast.

[20:49] But Grimace was originally a villain. That's why he was named Grimace.

[20:54] What was his plan? What was his M.O.?

[20:57] He was just an agent of chaos.

[21:01] But that's such a sad villain name, because it's such a specific feeling.

[21:06] It's not even evil. It's just disgust and shame, but pity.

[21:13] It's such a sad feeling to Grimace at something.

[21:18] Well, in a way, it's the opposite feeling that the owners of the McDonald's chain of restaurants

[21:22] wants you to experience when entering their restaurant.

[21:27] That's what you have when you have intestinal distress. You have Grimace.

[21:31] Or if you're, I don't know, working at a McDonald's and have to deal with an annoying customer.

[21:35] Or if you open your paycheck and you look at it.

[21:38] Oh, hot take!

[21:41] Political.

[21:43] You guys are bringing a lot of politics into tonight's show.

[21:46] Thank you.

[21:48] So we have Teresa Palmer's character named Gabby.

[21:54] She and Hot Dog hit it off, but she's got a boyfriend.

[21:58] Her boyfriend goes on a business trip.

[22:00] That gives her plenty of time to let Hot Dog swoop in and sweep her off her feet.

[22:04] Did we say they were neighbors?

[22:06] Yeah, maybe I did. I don't know.

[22:09] They're neighbors, as in like in the hit film Neighbors 2, Sorority Rising.

[22:14] Except for they're not a sorority and they are not fighting each other.

[22:18] They're falling in love.

[22:20] I mean, I don't know. I haven't watched Neighbors 2.

[22:22] I really like the hit film Sorority Rising.

[22:24] Are you getting to recommendations early?

[22:26] I was marketing Sorority Rising.

[22:28] Okay. I guess that's one of the sponsors of this episode.

[22:31] Hey, it's me, Seth Rogen. Come watch my movie Neighbors 2, Sorority Rising.

[22:36] I think that's the name. I don't care.

[22:39] I don't care, Raves Dan McCoy.

[22:43] It could be.

[22:45] It could be. Who knows? Not me, Seth Rogen, creator of the movie.

[22:48] Anything could happen.

[22:50] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't lock yourself into a box.

[22:53] So, of course, wait.

[22:57] Oh, yeah. We find out that our hero, the hot dog, is also one of the two vets in this small town.

[23:03] Yeah.

[23:04] A town that can support two vets.

[23:07] But we find that out because…

[23:09] How do we find that out?

[23:11] Because remember how her dog was pregnant and then she's like, I got to get him?

[23:16] She's really mad because she thinks that his dog made her dog pregnant.

[23:21] Yeah, which is a little bit of wishful thinking, don't you think?

[23:24] Yeah.

[23:25] She's trying to lock him down.

[23:27] Oh, yeah.

[23:28] You think she poked holes in the dog condom to lock him in?

[23:32] Well, dog diaphragm. I mean, come on.

[23:34] She doesn't have access to his dog rubbers, Dan. That'd be crazy.

[23:38] Yeah, but she takes him into the vet and the guy's like, my dog was fixed.

[23:45] You should know as a doctor that he doesn't have any testicles.

[23:49] And the girl that you thought was my girlfriend is in fact just kind of looks like my girlfriend

[23:55] because the girl you thought was my girlfriend is TV's Maggie Grace wearing a really big, thick, luscious wig.

[24:01] I just make her wear a wig to look like my girlfriend.

[24:05] I make my sister wear a wig to look like my girlfriend.

[24:08] And it's the thickest, luscious wig. It's pretty great.

[24:12] Yeah.

[24:13] And Maggie Grace plays his sister, and she doesn't really bring much to the movie other than a baby later on.

[24:20] Warm. Incredible warm.

[24:22] She brings that Maggie Grace feeling that you get lost and taken.

[24:27] Like any time our hero has a problem, she kind of just floats in from the background and puts her hand on his shoulder.

[24:34] And she's like, I got your back.

[24:37] Yep.

[24:39] I thought she was in the room with us.

[24:42] I was going to be like, watch out for Bill Gossbage.

[24:44] Oh, Ali's hair isn't thick enough for that.

[24:47] Aww.

[24:49] You guys, I'm going bald.

[24:52] Because Archie keeps eating your hair.

[24:55] It's true. You guys, you've got to meet Archie. He's pretty fun.

[24:59] Yep.

[25:00] Yeah, everyone come over.

[25:01] Listeners come over.

[25:02] Meet Archie.

[25:03] I mean, I guess form a single file line.

[25:05] Should we just give out your address here?

[25:07] You each get one pet.

[25:09] But you've got to shift around.

[25:11] If you keep doing the same area, he'll go bald in that one area.

[25:14] You're going to give Archie one piece of food.

[25:16] Like Ali.

[25:18] Nothing fattening.

[25:20] Oh, you're giving him a lot of free reign.

[25:23] You just let him pick any kind of food.

[25:25] But it has to be one piece.

[25:27] Yeah, that's right.

[25:28] So like one slice of pizza.

[25:31] That's right.

[25:33] One piece of spaghetti.

[25:35] One rotisserie chicken.

[25:38] An entire rotisserie chicken, Dan?

[25:40] Is that a piece?

[25:41] One baked Alaska piece?

[25:43] Yeah.

[25:46] Well, he's a king and he deserves to be treated like one.

[25:49] When it's my turn, I'm going to give him one gusher.

[25:52] Because he's had so much heavy food at this point.

[25:55] I think one little treat that has a little treat inside it is exactly what he needs.

[25:59] So you're looking at me like it's time for us to move on.

[26:04] And I think that's what's going on.

[26:06] And so we see kind of a whirlwind romance between these two characters.

[26:12] She's a little standoffish both because she knows that Dr. Hot Dog,

[26:16] or Veterinarian Hot Dog, is a little bit of a bad boy and is not going to settle down.

[26:20] But deep down it's also because she knows she has a boyfriend.

[26:24] Yeah, that's right.

[26:26] A boyfriend that we kind of forget about for a little bit until.

[26:29] And so does she.

[26:30] He's off at a convenient conference for like a month.

[26:33] Yeah.

[26:34] Yep, a convenient conference for convenient doctors.

[26:37] What does that mean?

[26:41] You know, doctors that live near you.

[26:43] Yeah.

[26:44] That have availability in their schedule.

[26:46] I wish I had someone that lives in New York.

[26:48] Yeah, thanks, Obama.

[26:50] I mean, no, genuinely, thank you, Obama, for making doctors more convenient to all of us.

[26:57] Yeah, that's what I said.

[26:58] Thank you, Obama.

[27:00] You say it weird.

[27:02] That's how I think, people.

[27:04] So, of course, the sexual chemistry cannot be contained.

[27:09] And eventually, Veterinarian Hot Dog and our lead, Gabby.

[27:14] That was really smooth, the way Hallie stood up.

[27:17] Yeah, she snuck out of the room because she doesn't want to hear this part.

[27:21] When in a moment of separation where the vet is sitting in his Adirondack chair staring off into space

[27:30] and she is sitting on her porch watching him, she decides to send him a little love note

[27:35] tucked into the collar of her dog.

[27:38] Or his dog, I don't remember.

[27:40] Which he unwraps and says, dinner at my place in 20 minutes.

[27:43] And he's like, what, is this a message for my dog?

[27:47] I didn't know that my dog had a place.

[27:49] And also, my dog can write notes.

[27:51] Is my dog coming on to me?

[27:54] I thought we had a platonic relationship.

[27:57] Now I've got to have this conversation with my dog.

[28:02] So, Hallie, do you have any thoughts about the idea that his dog might have been the one who wrote that note?

[28:08] I mean, that would have been a much better movie.

[28:16] Well, it's also not even clear.

[28:18] It's like the dog may have wrote it, but I assume he has other neighbors, too.

[28:23] Yeah, they've been writing notes and sticking them to the dog

[28:27] and it probably took him at least an hour for that dog to bring him the note directly

[28:31] and not like, I don't know, jump in the lake.

[28:34] No, that dog doesn't swim!

[28:36] How many times do I have to tell you guys?

[28:39] Stick his face in a bucket of fish guts.

[28:42] That's what he does.

[28:44] He does do that.

[28:45] So, we are treated to a little bit of heavier romance

[28:50] after a costume change.

[28:52] Hot Dog and Gabby have a nice meal of pasta and salad, I'm assuming.

[28:58] They never touch the salad.

[29:00] They're flirting angrily with each other.

[29:02] It seems like they're upset that they're attracted to each other, basically.

[29:05] Yeah, I mean, this is the most by-the-numbers flirting that also has a touch of anger to it.

[29:12] Like, oh my god, you just push all my buttons, I can't believe it.

[29:17] And we get a little bit of homespun wisdom from our veterinarian hero.

[29:24] We're both talking about God.

[29:26] Yep, God comes up, one doesn't like him.

[29:29] One for, one against.

[29:31] Yep.

[29:32] And then we are treated to a couple shots of a bunch of puppies

[29:37] that are clearly played by a different breed of dog than the dog that birthed them.

[29:41] Just like full-grown chihuahuas that they tried to make look like puppies.

[29:45] Yeah, dude, what, Golden Retriever?

[29:47] What kind of dog is that?

[29:48] It was, the mother was.

[29:50] Nobody knows about the father, though.

[29:52] That's true.

[29:53] Because, yeah, there's no other dogs in this movie, so it could have been anything.

[29:57] It could have been a virgin birth.

[30:00] midi-chlorian count

[30:02] so with the

[30:04] uh... so eventually they can take in a more their flirting turns to

[30:08] a sex scene that dan said was

[30:11] actually hotter than i expected well i was just i mean i you know the rest the

[30:16] movie is so like it could be like a christian like

[30:20] romance

[30:21] yeah i mean basically is one

[30:24] yeah like a j crew catalog

[30:26] yeah j crew catalog is a christian romance

[30:30] it's like i mean i don't know

[30:32] yeah

[30:34] i mean when you're at christian camp and you need some kind of material to get

[30:39] you in the mood and you know you don't want to uh... you want a peak polo shirt

[30:43] yeah so well you might look at uh... a j crew catalog to give yourself those

[30:47] funny feelings because you i don't know it might be a sin to go buy a purchase

[30:52] of tijuana bible or something tijuana bible

[30:55] that's right you want to see dad would have a sex with uh... miss bugley from

[31:00] bill bailey is going to cheat on blondie that's that's insane do you think i

[31:05] want to show you got blotting right at home and that was not going to do any

[31:08] better as a real jay-z beyonce situation if you ask me

[31:12] c topical

[31:14] uh...

[31:16] yeah but uh... it's just like there was a more political

[31:21] there is no i didn't expect like

[31:24] i didn't expect the sex scene to be like

[31:27] as like

[31:28] i mean it wasn't like

[31:30] nobody took their clothes off no there was no full picture of your shirt off

[31:33] and i got to see some wicked cut-up abs only and hers to remember it is your

[31:38] like

[31:39] that's a flat stomach i didn't think that's a

[31:42] well i was stewart in the room with a specific can i talk about how you're the

[31:46] one who like when she took her shirt off your life

[31:49] well she didn't have much bigger boobs than

[31:52] i would have thought given her frame her confidence level

[32:03] uh... do it they totally do it they have it's they have it totally sex balls type

[32:07] uh... it's crazy grind on each other all my hopes that the sex scene is going to be

[32:12] interrupted by a comedic puppy scene

[32:16] i was disappointed that didn't happen we just got

[32:18] a super hot

[32:19] sex scene

[32:21] now followed by uh... i don't know waking up in bed together

[32:25] uh... and he leaves a note for and you're thinking away maybe he's like

[32:29] uh... i'm a little even type but no no no

[32:33] he had to get

[32:34] to the fact

[32:36] because that's his job and he's really tired he's committed

[32:40] yeah he's

[32:41] he's responsible

[32:42] he doesn't let down animal look he's literally just

[32:46] i mean he's uh... woman's dream guy i mean he's

[32:50] you gotta tame them

[32:52] but he also

[32:53] loves animals

[32:55] means like any sandy like fixes boat motors so yeah

[33:00] uh... he's he's everyone's dream

[33:02] he's my dream yeah

[33:04] i mean if i could have this guy around fix my boat motor and uh... i don't know

[33:08] occasionally carry an adirondack chair from one place to another place

[33:12] uh...

[33:13] but if he held it

[33:15] your face in his hands and said

[33:17] you bother me

[33:20] i would be forced to kiss him those are the laws of my curse

[33:24] that was a very romantic refrain

[33:26] yeah i was like

[33:27] hook line and sinker i'm a woman

[33:32] at that point i was clutching the uh... the throw pillow on the couch to my

[33:36] bosom and i was thinking

[33:38] what a dream guy

[33:41] so of course why can't i find a love like theirs

[33:44] that's what i was saying

[33:46] you had that accent too which is weird yeah his weird jimmy stewart accent

[33:51] and you were wearing that weird gone with the wind dress

[33:56] can you describe that weird gone with the wind dress to me

[34:00] you know i was like all had that big skirt and stuff

[34:04] yep i think it checks out i was wearing that uh... so the

[34:09] of course her she is taken to heaven in this guy's arms

[34:14] only to be brought back to earth to terra firma

[34:17] by a voicemail from her actual boyfriend who's like i love you babe i'm not

[34:22] cheating on you being a jerk i'm actually a good dude

[34:25] uh... so she is conflicted at this point but does that stop her? not really she listens to him

[34:29] and she's like whatever and then montage of them being together for a month

[34:35] yeah yeah that's true

[34:36] she i don't know i think there's a moment where she's like

[34:40] oh

[34:41] that guy

[34:42] yeah

[34:44] um... hey

[34:47] yeah

[34:48] could you

[34:49] we're

[34:50] i mean just maybe you know

[34:54] keeping it casual

[34:55] i don't know

[34:56] you feel the same way as me right? we're just feeling out right? i don't know

[35:01] tomorrow who knows i think you're great

[35:04] but um

[35:06] you know it's just like we're having fun right?

[35:11] what's with your hair?

[35:13] but

[35:14] hey thumbs up you're a doctor don't forget that

[35:20] different places

[35:24] so he comes back and they have a little bit of a get-together

[35:26] yeah eventually he comes back and you're like

[35:30] you remember that she had a boyfriend and uh...

[35:33] that's a pretty weak ass

[35:35] like stone that's thrown in the way of their burgeoning romance

[35:39] in this case the stone is attached to a engagement ring which she accepts

[35:43] yeah the stone is

[35:45] a huge diamond

[35:47] yeah yeah yeah

[35:48] like let me check out that fucking rock

[35:51] she briefly accepts uh... a uh...

[35:54] marriage proposal from hamburger even though

[35:57] hot dog

[35:58] had uh... really like confessed his love and he's like come on come with me right now

[36:02] because this was the pivotal scene she gets this random call

[36:06] from her actual boyfriend who's like hey i just came i'm back i'm back meet me at

[36:11] this restaurant right now and she's like meet me at like fucking dune chasers or whatever

[36:15] stupid ass name that restaurant has it was like

[36:18] driftwood sally's

[36:21] and she and so the hungry crab

[36:26] uh...

[36:27] the pelican

[36:28] sandwich

[36:30] pelican sandwich

[36:32] that's where you have two pelicans and in between is a shill of a fish

[36:38] that's their special

[36:41] so she was like she was like um

[36:43] and he was like it's so great and she was like um

[36:46] uh...

[36:47] because you'll meet me there right my parents will be there and she's like um

[36:50] you have literally no reason to turn this invite down right

[36:53] uh... and she's like um and then the phone hangs up

[36:56] and then she shows up

[36:57] but guess what before she shows up we see a shot

[37:01] of

[37:01] travis

[37:03] just that's our hero he's just like

[37:05] you know he's a lone wolf he's a real dylan mckay if we're gonna go back to

[37:10] our 90210 references yeah yeah he is a lot like dylan and he was like eating at the

[37:15] bar alone

[37:16] and then we see

[37:18] but didn't he right before that

[37:20] take a second adirondack chair and place it immediately next to his adirondack chair

[37:26] did we make it clear how important this was before because like because she was like giving

[37:31] her analysis to his sister

[37:33] and she was like i know that kind of guy

[37:35] he's the guy that sets out one adirondack chair because he's always the guy who sits

[37:41] alone

[37:42] uh...

[37:44] but then he brought on another chair

[37:46] yeah he got a matching adirondack chair and he's like

[37:50] this is going to be symbolic to the people watching me do this that's right

[37:54] the invisible audience is going to know exactly what this means and it was like a

[37:59] ladies adirondack chair too it wasn't the same chair yeah it was like a petite chair

[38:03] yeah it flares out of the hips

[38:05] and there's a place to store sanitary napkins the buttons are on the

[38:10] other side of the adirondack chair

[38:14] wait which buttons

[38:17] adirondack button

[38:19] uh... so of course yeah our hero sees

[38:23] uh... the love of his life

[38:25] hanging out with her boyfriend being a girlfriend he's like wait a minute i

[38:29] totally forgot you had a boyfriend

[38:31] uh... which is a little weird because he knew that right they didn't forget

[38:35] she brought that up she was like we never talked about this we never said

[38:39] what this was

[38:40] oh yeah that was uh... it was kind of interesting because uh... it was

[38:45] it was funny to see

[38:46] i don't know normally it's like a dude trying to make a bunch of bullshit excuses

[38:50] in this case it was her

[38:51] not the dude

[38:55] uh... but

[38:57] did we and we forgot to talk about that really great scene at the uh... the

[39:01] the like midway the fairway where they're playing all the carnival games

[39:05] that one that takes like fucking forever and you're like

[39:08] does the director think we want to watch

[39:10] strangers enjoy fucking carnival games for five minutes because that's crazy

[39:16] i don't want to watch me enjoy carnival games for five minutes

[39:19] uh...

[39:21] uh... yeah

[39:21] are we running long here dan? a little bit that's fine

[39:25] so

[39:27] she comes in he's there he sees her she's going to meet

[39:31] her

[39:32] boyfriend and his parents because he'll only apparently hang out with her

[39:36] with his parents those are his only friends apparently it's really weird the

[39:40] only time we ever see them together is with his parents and then they're all like

[39:43] super rich and all this stuff and you get all these allusions to like

[39:47] they go to play golf together and she's like

[39:50] oh the property where i grew up had a golf course

[39:53] uh... because she gets a hole in one

[39:55] she's like i got really good at golf and you're like uh... this sounds like

[40:00] You're supposed to be rich, but you're actually not going to be rich.

[40:02] It's the laziest attempt to be like,

[40:04] she is saying things in just the right way to make you believe that she either

[40:10] could be a rich person or a poor person that lives on a rich person's house.

[40:14] That never got, but that never got picked up on, right?

[40:18] Like they never resolved that.

[40:20] I think you were making drinks. Okay. That comes up in a little bit.

[40:23] So she,

[40:24] she leaves a note for the hero after they kind of have a breakup and the note and

[40:29] like,

[40:30] that was a very romantic scene when he was like, he was like, I love you.

[40:35] He was like, come with me. We can walk away from all this. And she was like,

[40:39] I don't know. That was my, for those romantics out there.

[40:44] Sure. I want to bookmark this scene as a thumbs up.

[40:51] So just go to the DVD chapter titled,

[40:55] titled you bother me.

[40:57] Uh, so his face with a thumbs up,

[41:03] you have a highly approved, uh, chapter in the menu of this movie.

[41:07] Um, so the weird part is when,

[41:12] so after that it's left kind of ambiguous,

[41:14] but you believe that she has called things off with our hero to be with the

[41:19] other guy. And then we see a scene, a letter. Yeah.

[41:22] She leaves a letter on his Adirondack chair because that's apparently the center

[41:27] of his world. Um, and he, he reads the letter and the letter begins, you know,

[41:32] I broke up with him and we had a huge fight. Um,

[41:36] and he called me all these mean names and everything.

[41:39] And then the next morning he showed up and he asked me to marry him and I'm like,

[41:43] okay, so sorry.

[41:46] Yeah, sure. So life is choices.

[41:51] And uh, I guess it doesn't really matter what choice you make. See ya. Yeah.

[41:55] She's like, good, bad, doesn't matter. Life keeps work.

[41:59] The world keeps spinning.

[42:00] Like when I killed that bum and God didn't strike me down in my heart.

[42:05] I'm like, but that's murder. That's a mortal sin. I should be going to hell.

[42:08] But nothing happened. I'm invincible. Crimes and misdemeanors.

[42:13] You know what I mean? Crimes and misdemeanors.

[42:18] Hello. I'm misdemeanors. Good day to you.

[42:24] I'm here to marry your son.

[42:28] Okay. Uh, we had a good laugh at Dan's mispronunciation of mean years.

[42:32] Um, and uh,

[42:36] I'm wondering why there was never a movie called crimes and misdemeanors

[42:41] where meteors come and destroy the meteor man.

[42:46] Well, yep. Meteor man was a movie. Uh,

[42:51] okay. So, uh,

[42:55] keep going.

[42:58] And Mr. Meters,

[43:00] an American woman falls in love with a British man.

[43:08] Well, wait, where's the crime? Is she a criminal?

[43:12] Is she like a cat burglar?

[43:15] This will never work between the two of us because I use the metric system and

[43:20] you, you, you use the English system, which is ironic because I'm English.

[43:25] I was going to say.

[43:27] And then she's like, no, it'll work. And then he killed her.

[43:29] And that was the crime.

[43:32] Okay. Uh,

[43:34] and he chops her body up into meter sized pieces.

[43:43] Do meteor pieces because her body's made of meat.

[43:48] Yeah.

[43:50] Uh,

[43:52] so we're greeted to a brief sequence where, uh,

[43:57] our, our heroes, uh, Gabby and Travis, uh,

[44:01] spend some time with the, their other, uh, you know,

[44:06] uh, other lovers.

[44:08] And we think they're just going to keep moving on. And then eventually like,

[44:12] relatively quickly, uh, Travis comes to his senses.

[44:15] He has a nice loving conversation with his ex-girlfriend who's like, Oh,

[44:20] you should get back with her, dude. And he's like, okay,

[44:22] he'll never look at me that way.

[44:25] She's like, I'm going to go off and kill myself. Cause there's no other, uh,

[44:29] sorry about that guys. Uh, trigger warning, I guess. But, uh,

[44:33] it feels like there's no other eligible single men in this town. Even his,

[44:38] even Travis's fucking dad played by Tom Wilkinson as a girlfriend by the end.

[44:42] I guess there were a lot of puppies recently born and we don't know the

[44:47] puppies. Is that what you're saying?

[44:50] I don't know. It's a possibility is what I'm saying.

[44:54] It's just a different style of love, you know?

[44:58] Who are we to say what's moral? Yeah.

[45:00] Remember his like definition of love was all about how that dog moved his head.

[45:04] Yep. His definition when describing religion or his belief in God,

[45:09] he mentions his dog loving him back by pushing his head against his hand.

[45:14] Um, so of course, uh, Travis and, uh,

[45:17] Gabby decided to get together. Uh,

[45:20] he gets punched in the face by hamburger, the doctor. Yeah.

[45:24] And then, uh, we are greeted to a montage of, uh,

[45:29] that her getting pregnant.

[45:30] Well, but I do want to, I,

[45:32] I want to speed up a little bit so we can get to the end of this,

[45:34] but I don't want to skip over the fact that where, uh, hot dog, you know,

[45:39] uh,

[45:40] proposes to Gabby and it's in the scene where he's like, he comes in,

[45:45] he burst in on the, her at her parents' house. Yes.

[45:49] And her parents are like, Oh, it's clear to me.

[45:53] It's clear from the moment that he walked in that you were in love with him.

[45:56] And she's like, no, no, I don't want to marry him. And he's no, no.

[46:00] And like the mom's like, here, take a grant,

[46:03] your grandmother's ring to propose that I'm wearing around my neck on a chain.

[46:07] Yeah. And she's like, no, I don't want to marry him. And he's like, yeah,

[46:10] it was like, they're all set up for it. Yeah. They were all prepped.

[46:14] And I didn't know,

[46:15] but that was the scene that you were talking about.

[46:16] Cause that was the scene where he comes in and he starts asking for permission

[46:19] to marry Gabby, but he's asking the family who owned the property,

[46:23] not her family, the people who work on the property.

[46:27] Yeah. He thought she was rich because of her stuck up snobby ways.

[46:33] Yeah. All right. So I missed that. But the,

[46:36] but the point is like no parents in the world have ever acted that way.

[46:40] If their daughter is like, no, I don't want to marry you.

[46:43] They're going to be like, uh, I think you should leave, sir.

[46:47] I don't know. I think the thing about those parents is they're like,

[46:50] there's no other eligible men in this universe of this movie. Yeah.

[46:54] So you got to snatch this guy up because there's plenty of other women.

[46:58] Those were those bikini ladies. Yeah. Uh,

[47:01] probably one of the people at the veterinarian clinic,

[47:04] the secretary at the veterinary clinic. She was a lonely heart,

[47:09] presumably single. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Presumably. You're right.

[47:13] But I will say that, um,

[47:15] I feel like our conversation about this very much mirrors how we felt about this,

[47:19] which is that we've spent a ton of time up until this point talking about this.

[47:23] And we've getting to this point where like, Oh, and,

[47:26] and then he proposed to her and then like it worked out.

[47:30] And then you're like, Oh my God,

[47:32] there's like at least 40 minutes more of this movie.

[47:36] That was the moment where we were given high fives and we're like, Oh yeah,

[47:39] let's start recording this podcast. And then Dan paused it.

[47:42] And we see the little progress bar. Our hearts sank.

[47:50] Um, because, uh, of course we are greeted to this montage of them getting older

[47:54] together, but not getting older at all. They look exactly the same. Yeah.

[47:58] Their haircuts don't change. They don't get it. Grow any facial hair.

[48:01] She certainly doesn't grow facial hair. They, uh,

[48:05] create a couple of children who grow to about the age of, uh,

[48:10] they grow them. Yep. They grow to the age of, I don't know, 11 years.

[48:14] That's incorrect. Seven years at the most.

[48:17] The oldest is like 10 probably 10 and below.

[48:22] Yeah. And below.

[48:25] So they have these kids and then they're supposed to have a romantic dinner date.

[48:30] And of course, uh,

[48:31] he is kept late at the veterinarian clinic because of this sick cat,

[48:36] the villain of the movie,

[48:37] a cat that I can only assume was poisoned by the evil doctor, uh, hamburger.

[48:42] And, uh, so he is kept late and she,

[48:48] so she has, uh,

[48:51] I guess she gets sick of waiting for him at the restaurant. And so she,

[48:55] and it's a different restaurant.

[48:56] He always stands her up because he worked such long hours and she's given up her

[49:00] career apparently. So, you know,

[49:03] the thing is how a, a being a mom is the toughest job you'll ever love.

[49:08] I'm not laughing. Cause I don't think it's true. I'm laughing because it is true.

[49:14] You're laughing because you're heartless. It's like a Jerry Seinfeld sort of thing.

[49:18] What's the deal with these moms? Exactly. It's like a laugh of recognition.

[49:23] Yeah.

[49:25] Laughter to you moms. I'm with you.

[49:28] It's a solidarity laugh. Yeah. So, uh, of course she gets in a car,

[49:34] it's raining and we're like, that is code for accident. And of course that's true.

[49:39] A car smashes into her and we get a slow motion shot of her flying around in the

[49:42] car and her phone exploding. And we're like, no, not her phone.

[49:47] Her face is still seems perfectly intact.

[49:49] Her phone got pretty messed up.

[49:51] Little do we know it was not her phone in a coma.

[49:55] Yeah. It's a Dorian Gray situation where her phone reflects the state.

[50:00] of her physical damage, as opposed to her body, Dan, just like Dorian Gray.

[50:05] I get it now.

[50:06] Yeah.

[50:07] Yeah.

[50:08] Well, I'll put you on training wheels for this one.

[50:11] So then we get to watch a long period of time, upwards of 90 days, where her character is

[50:20] in a coma.

[50:21] Yeah.

[50:22] Well, Hallie had joked at the beginning of the movie when we were going into the hospital

[50:28] that the choice that he would have to make was whether to pull the plug or not, because

[50:33] she knew the title of the film.

[50:36] She detected Hallie.

[50:37] How right she was.

[50:38] And then it turned out like that was the choice.

[50:41] I thought the choice was between the two boys.

[50:43] No.

[50:44] Hamburger boy or hot dog boy.

[50:45] The choice was he was like standing in front of his mother's grave being like, I just can't

[50:51] pull the plug.

[50:52] Mama, I don't want to pull the plug, mama.

[50:56] And then, like an apparition, his sister appears behind him.

[50:59] And she's like, I got a wig, but I think you're right.

[51:03] My wig is telling me to pull it.

[51:05] Pull that plug.

[51:06] But my heart is telling me not to.

[51:09] There's a lot of heart versus head versus wig narratives throughout this.

[51:14] So we, at this point.

[51:16] Like in Shakespeare.

[51:17] That was a classic Shakespearean conflict.

[51:19] Heart versus head versus wig.

[51:21] Yeah.

[51:22] I mean, there are a lot of wigs.

[51:24] In Shakespeare or in the movie?

[51:27] I think both.

[51:28] Yeah, both, probably.

[51:30] So we, yeah, it comes down to a situation where Travis is trying to decide whether or

[51:36] not he should pull the plug on his wife, who is in a coma.

[51:42] He's being urged to do it by his wife's ex-fiance, which is suspect, if you ask me.

[51:49] He shouldn't be the one giving that kind of counsel.

[51:52] But I just want you guys to know, he was not, he was compassionate.

[51:56] He was still a good dude?

[51:58] He was still a good dude.

[51:59] He had, at that point, he had his own family.

[52:01] Because remember, they were like talking about their kids.

[52:04] I paid a lot more attention to this movie than either Stewart or Dan did.

[52:07] You don't think that he might still be holding onto a torch and he's like, secretly.

[52:11] Maybe he did, but he's definitely not.

[52:14] So he's like, murderer?

[52:15] Yeah, he's like.

[52:16] Yeah, like every night she wakes up and he bonks her on the head with a rolling pin.

[52:20] He has a coconut that he drops on her.

[52:25] She was like, fine, when she got here.

[52:29] And why is she also in, like, still the emergency ward, right?

[52:33] Because that's where he works.

[52:35] Oh, yeah.

[52:37] I mean, it's kind of an emergency.

[52:40] It's a life or death situation, Hallie.

[52:43] So, he, Travis, after their houses are destroyed by hurricane, which hurricane?

[52:50] Do they name it?

[52:52] Cassandy.

[52:53] Cassandy.

[52:54] Cassandy.

[52:55] Yep.

[52:56] Name taken from the ancient Greek mythology.

[52:59] And he takes the pieces of her house, her porch that washed up, and he takes a boat

[53:09] after her.

[53:10] Oh, that was her house?

[53:11] I think that was his house.

[53:13] Oh, it doesn't matter.

[53:14] He goes out to the little island that he apparently discovered.

[53:18] Owns.

[53:19] He owns.

[53:20] His grandfather willed it to him.

[53:21] Oh, you did pay better attention than I did.

[53:25] And he builds a little chuppah or a gazebo or something in her honor.

[53:32] And, of course, he hears the seashell wind chimes that she used.

[53:39] And he's like, there's life in them there shells yet.

[53:43] That means there's life in my wife.

[53:45] He heard them because the dog found them.

[53:48] Yeah.

[53:49] That was the second miracle, hearing the thing.

[53:52] The first miracle was the dog finding them after.

[53:55] Dogs find all kinds of shit, dude.

[53:56] But the dog had never gone in the water.

[53:58] That's the thing.

[53:59] Oh.

[54:00] That's why he's like, why are you in the water?

[54:02] You hate swimming.

[54:03] And he had to carry him all the time on the boat.

[54:07] Anyway, the point is, he rushes to the hospital.

[54:09] And lo and behold, she's awake.

[54:12] And she'd been listening the whole time she was in the coma.

[54:16] Yeah, she heard every word he said.

[54:19] And she stayed flawless, even though she stayed in a bed for that long.

[54:24] And so the choice he made was the right choice, not to pull the plug on his wife.

[54:30] You would have been fucked up, dude.

[54:32] That would have been like a Tales from the Crypt.

[54:35] Yeah.

[54:37] That's right.

[54:38] That would be a weird, like, how would you indicate, though?

[54:40] It would just have to be the Crypt Keeper coming on afterwards, like,

[54:43] she would have woken up the next day.

[54:46] I mean, see you later, guys.

[54:48] The way he would have indicated it is he would have had to cut to her perspective and her

[54:52] screaming and her being like, no, no, don't.

[54:56] I'm about to.

[54:57] God.

[54:58] No.

[54:59] I can feel myself waking up.

[55:01] That's like the scariest Tales from the Crypt I remember seeing when I was little.

[55:05] Do you guys remember that one where it was the priest had the relationship with some woman

[55:10] and he, like, fake killed her and she was given some drug that she would wake up days later.

[55:16] But then he got put in prison.

[55:18] And so he was supposed to, like, or he got knocked out or something.

[55:22] And he was supposed to, like, dig her up.

[55:24] Coconuts.

[55:25] And then she woke up in the coffin and she was, like, banging on the coffin.

[55:28] Yeah.

[55:29] What is it?

[55:30] Ginny and Paolo from Lost?

[55:33] Is that one of those characters that had the same thing where it's like the same sort of show?

[55:37] I like that episode.

[55:38] It was the best episode after the first two seasons of that show, I would argue.

[55:43] Everyone hated that stuff.

[55:45] But I love that weird Tales from the Crypt.

[55:47] Because at that point in that series, everyone was like, let's get to the ending of the story.

[55:53] And I'm like, it's going to be shitty, dude.

[55:55] The ending is just going to be purgatory, man.

[55:57] Why are you getting so worked up?

[55:59] Just enjoy this weird bottle episode.

[56:02] Actually, I think I was talking about a Nightmare on Elm Street episode.

[56:06] The episode of Freddy's Nightmares?

[56:08] The TV show?

[56:09] There was a TV show that I was talking about that was either Tales from the Crypt or Nightmare on Elm Street.

[56:14] What about Tales from the Dark Side?

[56:16] Or Night Gallery?

[56:18] What about the new Twilight Zone?

[56:22] No, you know what it was?

[56:24] It was Goosebumps.

[56:28] It was so much lamer than we could have imagined.

[56:31] No, I'm just kidding. I don't remember what it was.

[56:33] But, you know.

[56:35] Do your research, guys.

[56:37] Hey, this week's challenge, guys.

[56:39] Figure out what I was talking about.

[56:42] That's kind of how I feel like all these episodes are.

[56:45] So guys, we should get on to final judgments about this movie.

[56:49] Whether it was a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, or a movie kind of like,

[56:52] you know what, I've got conflicted feelings, so I'm going to go first.

[56:57] I really don't know how to rate this film.

[57:00] Because, like, it wasn't good.

[57:04] I wouldn't say I liked it.

[57:06] I didn't laugh at it.

[57:08] But at the same time, I actually watched the whole thing.

[57:14] It was pleasant enough.

[57:16] You did the bare minimum of what our listeners expect out of us.

[57:18] No, but it was pleasant enough.

[57:20] There was barely any story to it.

[57:22] You can get bored.

[57:24] I wasn't bored.

[57:27] The main problem with the movie was there was barely enough story for 20 minutes,

[57:32] let alone two hours.

[57:34] The worst I can say about this movie is I didn't cry.

[57:39] Making me cry is like shooting fish in a barrel.

[57:45] If there was going to be a tragic romance where at the end,

[57:49] the woman comes out of the coma and everything turns out alright,

[57:52] I should be in tears by the end.

[57:54] I didn't come anywhere close to that.

[57:56] I guess it's not a good movie because it didn't do what it's built to do.

[58:01] But at the same time, I didn't hate this film.

[58:05] I just don't know how to rate it.

[58:07] I can't put a name on it.

[58:10] I'm going to say it's a bad, bad movie.

[58:12] I'm going to tie it in with that a couple days ago,

[58:16] we were having a conversation on another podcast with our pal,

[58:21] who was talking about how he watches TV shows at one and a half to two times speed.

[58:33] Of course, we all thought he was a crazy person for doing that.

[58:37] I was thinking the same thing.

[58:39] This is totally the sort of thing you could watch at that speed,

[58:42] and it would be perfect.

[58:44] You would zip through it.

[58:46] There's so much filler.

[58:49] There's definitely an attempt to set a scene,

[58:53] or give you a feeling or a longing for an environment,

[58:57] but there's just so little effort to really establish the beauty of these scenes.

[59:03] Because as I said before, every shot is so tight on things,

[59:06] so it just feels cramped all the time.

[59:09] And it should be way faster.

[59:11] This movie did not need to be nearly this long.

[59:15] So, bad, bad movie.

[59:17] So wait, it's bad, bad movie?

[59:20] Good, bad?

[59:21] Or a movie you kind of liked?

[59:23] I think it's a movie I kind of liked.

[59:25] Because, I totally agree with you.

[59:28] It was way longer than it needed to be.

[59:30] It was boring in a lot of places.

[59:33] And the story wasn't ultimately that interesting.

[59:36] But then, in those scenes, I was like, in.

[59:41] It was like a dog whistle.

[59:45] I never lost interest enough that when those dramatic scenes happened,

[59:50] I was like, okay, I'm in this.

[59:53] I'm in this with you.

[59:55] And I get it.

[59:57] And I felt that.

[1:00:00] And she was like, I heard you the whole time.

[1:00:03] I was like, this whole, these two hours just made sense.

[1:00:10] Now that I know that, I can rest easy.

[1:00:13] That's why when I came back from the bathroom,

[1:00:15] because I was using the bathroom

[1:00:16] at the climax of the movie,

[1:00:18] Alex like, she heard him the whole time.

[1:00:21] She heard him the whole time.

[1:00:24] So yeah, I kind of like this movie.

[1:00:26] It was boring for a lot of it.

[1:00:27] And I was like, I can't believe you're taking

[1:00:29] this much time, but I was like,

[1:00:34] all of the heart string scenes,

[1:00:38] I was like, definitely into it.

[1:00:40] Your heart strings were plucked.

[1:00:42] They were, they were strong.

[1:00:43] My heart strings were strong.

[1:00:44] Okay, so we have kind of a mixed review on The Choice.

[1:00:50] So what's the next part of this podcast, Dan?

[1:00:52] The next part is, we've got a few notes from our sponsors.

[1:00:58] Oh, a little Flop House housekeeping.

[1:01:00] Yeah, that's right.

[1:01:01] The Flop House is supported in part by Squarespace,

[1:01:04] the simplest way to create a compelling website.

[1:01:07] The strange to the downright bizarre,

[1:01:09] great stories define us.

[1:01:11] You should tell yours with simple tools and templates.

[1:01:14] Squarespace helps you capture your story

[1:01:16] with a captivating website.

[1:01:19] You can start your free trial today.

[1:01:21] Visit squarespace.com slash flop.

[1:01:24] You should Squarespace.

[1:01:28] Just do it, man.

[1:01:29] Why don't you, what kind of website

[1:01:32] are you going to be setting up lately, Hallie?

[1:01:34] Normally, when Allie's here, he gets super excited

[1:01:36] about his latest website products

[1:01:39] that he's going to be marketing.

[1:01:40] I'm going to be just trying to figure out

[1:01:46] how to...

[1:01:49] Yes, and?

[1:01:51] I know nothing about the internet.

[1:01:53] I can't, I like forgot.

[1:01:55] The perfect Squarespace would be great for you.

[1:01:58] I forgot my password to the cloud like four years ago,

[1:02:02] and I know there's so much stuff on there

[1:02:04] that I probably want, but so that would be my first step.

[1:02:08] So your first step would be to find out

[1:02:10] your password to the cloud,

[1:02:11] but it also sounds like Squarespace

[1:02:12] would be a great product for you

[1:02:14] because you don't have to know how to code.

[1:02:16] You can use, it has responsive designs of your website.

[1:02:20] What would I even have a site about?

[1:02:22] It could be about...

[1:02:23] It could be a Hallie Haglund site.

[1:02:24] But why would that exist?

[1:02:27] Why would you set up a Hallie Haglund fan site for yourself?

[1:02:31] I mean, it just seems like...

[1:02:32] Be a place to post, I don't know.

[1:02:34] Hallie Haglund news.

[1:02:35] Yeah, Hallie Haglund news, sightings.

[1:02:37] Breaking news, I picked up my CSA.

[1:02:43] Maybe like a quiz section?

[1:02:45] Did I pick up my CSA?

[1:02:48] What did you last make with your CSA?

[1:02:51] Salad.

[1:02:52] There you go, that could be a site.

[1:02:55] Yep, Hallie Haglund salad site.

[1:02:56] All right, yeah, it's probably good for people.

[1:02:59] This sounds cool for people who have...

[1:03:03] This sounds like a great website design.

[1:03:06] It's a great product.

[1:03:07] Yes.

[1:03:08] And they've been a long time supporter of the podcast,

[1:03:10] so go check them out.

[1:03:11] So thank...

[1:03:12] Squarespace.

[1:03:15] Build it, beautiful.

[1:03:17] Also, Flophouse is sponsored by Casper Mattresses,

[1:03:21] an online retailer of premium mattresses

[1:03:24] for a fraction of the price.

[1:03:26] They offer an obsessively engineered mattress

[1:03:28] at a shockingly fair price.

[1:03:30] It's risk-free, you've got a risk-free trial,

[1:03:34] and you can try sleeping on a Casper for 100 days

[1:03:39] with a free delivery and painless returns

[1:03:41] if you do not like your mattress.

[1:03:43] They're made in America,

[1:03:44] so you're supporting American-made goods.

[1:03:47] Pricing is $500 for a twin-size mattress

[1:03:50] and $950 for a king-size mattress,

[1:03:52] which is amazing compared to the mattresses

[1:03:56] you normally find in your big mattress stores.

[1:04:00] Flophouse listeners can get $50

[1:04:02] toward any mattress purchase

[1:04:04] by visiting www.casper.com slash flop

[1:04:09] and using promo code FLOP at checkout.

[1:04:12] Terms and conditions apply.

[1:04:13] Now I...

[1:04:15] You're a personal...

[1:04:16] On a Casper mattress.

[1:04:17] Yeah, you're a user.

[1:04:18] And I have no complaints, sir.

[1:04:21] No complaints.

[1:04:23] No joke, before you got that Casper mattress,

[1:04:25] I was a toss-in.

[1:04:26] You used to sleep on a couple of garbage bags

[1:04:29] filled with old clothes.

[1:04:30] Yeah.

[1:04:31] And let me tell you, this is better than that.

[1:04:33] What kind of promotion is that?

[1:04:37] This is better than sleeping on those spikes

[1:04:39] that I used to sleep on.

[1:04:41] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:04:44] You did used to sleep on spikes, I guess.

[1:04:46] That was what part of your training

[1:04:49] to be a yogi like Dalseem?

[1:04:51] I slept on a bunch of old...

[1:04:53] A bunch of old AIDS needles.

[1:04:57] That's crazy.

[1:04:59] Why would you do that?

[1:05:00] You shouldn't have done that.

[1:05:01] I don't know why I did that.

[1:05:03] How did you know there were specifically AIDS needles though?

[1:05:08] I had them tested and then I still slept on them.

[1:05:10] Yeah, that's crazy.

[1:05:12] You would think that the hospital,

[1:05:13] that's really irresponsible of the hospital.

[1:05:15] You'd think they would just keep them

[1:05:16] and not take them away.

[1:05:17] And before that, weren't you sleeping on

[1:05:19] a bunch of old Reader's Digest

[1:05:21] that were kind of stacked up in the shape of a woman?

[1:05:24] That's right.

[1:05:25] I cuddled them for company.

[1:05:28] Now, and all those things,

[1:05:29] not as good as that Casper mattress

[1:05:31] that you're sleeping on.

[1:05:31] They came in a tiny little box

[1:05:33] and then exploded all over your heart.

[1:05:35] Yeah, let me tell you,

[1:05:38] I feel like we're downplaying

[1:05:39] how comfortable Casper mattresses are

[1:05:40] by putting them up against the worst things

[1:05:42] you could sleep on.

[1:05:43] Damning with faint praise.

[1:05:45] No, these are very...

[1:05:46] I slept on a cloud once

[1:05:48] and I haven't slept on a Casper mattress,

[1:05:50] but I bet it's more comfortable than that cloud.

[1:05:53] Yeah.

[1:05:54] You haven't been on that cloud in a while

[1:05:55] because you forgot your password.

[1:05:56] Exactly.

[1:05:57] That is weird

[1:06:00] that you have to have a password to sleep on those.

[1:06:03] No, I love it.

[1:06:04] I actually...

[1:06:05] It makes sense.

[1:06:06] I actually...

[1:06:07] All kidding aside,

[1:06:08] I do sleep on a Casper mattress.

[1:06:10] It is a delight.

[1:06:11] I sleep well on that.

[1:06:14] And using the promo code,

[1:06:15] if you guys need a mattress,

[1:06:16] you can get a sweet discount on it.

[1:06:18] What is that, 50 bucks?

[1:06:19] 50 bucks off a Casper mattress.

[1:06:21] Awesome.

[1:06:23] So we also got a couple of Jumbotron messages today.

[1:06:27] The first one is from another podcast.

[1:06:31] Now you're probably wondering,

[1:06:32] hey, Stuart, you're always bugging people.

[1:06:34] Listen to the Flophouse.

[1:06:37] And I do bug you about that.

[1:06:38] You should listen to the Flophouse

[1:06:39] because it's a great podcast.

[1:06:41] But I'd also like you to check out

[1:06:42] another podcast called Why Do You Care?

[1:06:45] And you can find that on iTunes

[1:06:47] and wherever other podcasts are found.

[1:06:51] We'd like to invite you to go check those guys out.

[1:06:53] It features an American and a Brit.

[1:06:55] And the Brit in this case has a super sultry voice

[1:06:58] discussing everything from superheroes to rom-coms

[1:07:02] to fan fiction.

[1:07:03] I put emphasis on rom-coms

[1:07:05] because this is the episode about the choice.

[1:07:08] Will and Katie, those are the hosts,

[1:07:10] try to figure out what makes media good

[1:07:12] and why the hell they care so much.

[1:07:14] If you're interested in another podcast

[1:07:16] about movies, TV, and books,

[1:07:18] which is a totally original idea

[1:07:19] that they came up with by themselves,

[1:07:22] I guess they have a patent on it,

[1:07:23] so I guess we're gonna be paying them royalties,

[1:07:27] then you can find them at,

[1:07:29] just by searching Why Do You Care?

[1:07:30] at iTunes or anywhere else.

[1:07:32] So why don't you go check those guys out.

[1:07:35] And we have one more Jumbotron message today.

[1:07:40] And I'm gonna pull it up on my phone.

[1:07:43] Hear it?

[1:07:44] Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop.

[1:07:46] Jumbotron, Jumbotron message.

[1:07:49] Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop.

[1:07:52] Okay, thank you for vamping there for a second, guys.

[1:07:55] This is a message for Allie, last name withheld.

[1:07:59] And the message is from Jared,

[1:08:01] similar last name withheld, not the subway guy.

[1:08:06] Thank you for clarifying.

[1:08:08] Two years ago, you married me

[1:08:11] and became the luckiest woman I know.

[1:08:13] Happy anniversary, and I love you lots.

[1:08:16] Also, that area of my back that I can't reach itches.

[1:08:20] Could you itch it?

[1:08:22] Thanks, I'll love you forever.

[1:08:24] Last thing, I cheaped out on a gift,

[1:08:26] so you're entitled to a threesome

[1:08:29] involving one of the Flophouse guys.

[1:08:31] Your choice, I'm impartial.

[1:08:34] Now, reading that,

[1:08:36] is that some form of verbal agreement or contract?

[1:08:40] I guess we're bound to that somehow.

[1:08:42] Luckily, Elliot Kalin isn't here,

[1:08:44] so he doesn't have much of a choice.

[1:08:47] So I guess we could volunteer Elliot for that,

[1:08:50] but I guess it's up to Allie's choice.

[1:08:53] So, I mean, I guess you get one of the three of us.

[1:08:56] Dan's probably the best smelling.

[1:08:59] Thank you.

[1:09:01] And you have that lovely Casper mattress.

[1:09:03] That's right.

[1:09:05] I don't mean to oversell Dan too much.

[1:09:07] Stuart has a beautiful Jason T-shirt on.

[1:09:11] That's Jason from the Friday the 13th.

[1:09:13] Not Jason Priestley.

[1:09:14] Yeah, so you know he's got a real sense of style.

[1:09:17] Yep.

[1:09:19] T-shirts are my way of communicating.

[1:09:21] Allie's exempt from this.

[1:09:23] Allie does not.

[1:09:24] Well, it did say Flophouse guys.

[1:09:26] Yeah, I'm off limits.

[1:09:31] So, thank you for those messages, guys.

[1:09:34] If you want to get your own Jumbotron message,

[1:09:37] head over to MaximumFun.org and follow the instructions.

[1:09:46] The three of you enter a cave of a big red dragon

[1:09:48] and it's standing over a horde of precious golden rubies.

[1:09:52] And he says, what do you do, adventurers?

[1:09:54] I'm a dragon man.

[1:09:55] I cast fire on him.

[1:09:56] It's very good.

[1:09:57] I address the red dragon and say,

[1:09:59] us, we're the Jumbotron.

[1:10:00] host of the Adventure Zone, a podcast about family playing Dungeons and Dragons.

[1:10:04] Very good synergy. Commit to the bit.

[1:10:08] I roll to charm new listeners. It is very effective against all odds.

[1:10:12] Everybody, we're the Macroids. We host the Adventure Zones, a podcast where we play

[1:10:15] Dungeons and Dragons together. It's a comedy podcast. We don't take the rules too seriously

[1:10:19] because there's a lot of them, and we did not take the time to learn them. Maybe listen to us.

[1:10:22] We come out every other Thursday on the Maximum Fun Network. You can find us on iTunes or on

[1:10:27] MaximumFun.org. I think this promo is a critical hit.

[1:10:38] So now we move on to letters from listeners. Listeners like you.

[1:10:46] Archie is doing something very distracting right now, as he's been doing through the entire

[1:10:52] podcast. Normally, Elliot is here, and we put Archie in the other room so he doesn't jump up

[1:10:57] on the most allergic flophouse. Allergic?

[1:11:00] The most delicate flower in the flophouse firmament,

[1:11:06] whereas Hallie is now picking up Archie and nuzzling him.

[1:11:11] Mm-hmm.

[1:11:17] Now Archie is pushing. Okay, I don't think we necessarily have to narrate this encounter.

[1:11:22] But it's adorable.

[1:11:23] Yeah. Yeah, he's a great little kitty, and I can't stop kissing him.

[1:11:28] So Dan, what's the next part of this podcast?

[1:11:30] Letters.

[1:11:31] Letters from listeners. Letters from listeners is the song Elliot would sing

[1:11:41] if he were here. Okay, that's it. Wrap it up.

[1:11:49] A plaintive letters song in the background.

[1:11:52] I forgot to pick letters.

[1:11:54] Okay, we're just going to wing it, dude.

[1:11:56] So we're going to wing it, and we're going to wing it in part by, let's just do the letters

[1:12:01] that came in during the time that we're recording. The ones that are fresh in my inbox.

[1:12:07] Wow. Okay, jumping the list.

[1:12:11] I hope they are all directed toward Elliot. We'll answer for him.

[1:12:14] This is from Pete, last name withheld, who writes,

[1:12:18] Peter Parker.

[1:12:18] My communique is about the most buzzed about unproduced script floating around in Tinseltown.

[1:12:23] Catch that kid. My question to each of you is, what child star would you cast as the titular kid?

[1:12:29] Here's the twist. You can choose a child actor from any era,

[1:12:33] or you can shrink the star of your choice to kid size. Go.

[1:12:36] Go. So that's question number one.

[1:12:41] Okay, well, that's a tough question. Normally...

[1:12:43] Now, Hallie, Catch That Kid is an imaginary movie that we came up with.

[1:12:48] But I mean, I think you can probably fill in the blanks as to what the

[1:12:51] narrative contents of Catch That Kid would be about.

[1:12:53] You just want to catch a kid, basically.

[1:12:56] Yeah, I mean, that's...

[1:12:58] You're a sharp cookie.

[1:13:00] You want him to be, like, uncatchable? Is that the...

[1:13:03] I mean, there should be some question as to whether or not...

[1:13:06] Okay.

[1:13:08] So normally when I'm casting movies, I'm usually going to want to go to a veteran actor,

[1:13:13] somebody who I know has the chops and can bring charisma in spades.

[1:13:17] So, of course, I'm talking about Angus Grimm, an actor who is now dead.

[1:13:24] But if he was not dead and I could shrink him, then I would totally go Angus Grimm.

[1:13:29] Otherwise, if I'm going to go with anybody who I've seen as a kid as an actor,

[1:13:33] I've got to go with that Jonathan Lipnicki from The Littlest Vampire

[1:13:36] and Jerry Maguire because that kid is super adorable.

[1:13:41] Me, now?

[1:13:42] Yeah.

[1:13:44] Well, I have two choices.

[1:13:47] One is Macaulay Culkin from The Good Son.

[1:13:52] Because he was...

[1:13:52] That's the best version, yeah.

[1:13:54] Very devious.

[1:13:55] It's hard to catch that kid.

[1:13:57] And the other is Simba as a kid from The Lion King

[1:14:02] because he was a lion.

[1:14:03] So he's really fast and it would be hard to catch him.

[1:14:07] Now, no joke.

[1:14:10] One of the topics that hasn't been on the Flop House Facebook group,

[1:14:13] which you can check out on Facebook,

[1:14:15] is there's a topic of the first person that you ever had a crush on,

[1:14:20] like first celebrity you ever had a crush on.

[1:14:22] And I was asking...

[1:14:23] I like to ask people that when I'm bartending because it's a good icebreaker.

[1:14:27] It's much better than, how often do you floss?

[1:14:30] It's much better than, what drink do you want?

[1:14:34] Yeah, I'll get to that.

[1:14:36] That's kind of a dead end.

[1:14:40] But I asked some friends that when they're at the bar

[1:14:43] and one of my friends insisted that her first celebrity crush was Simba.

[1:14:50] I'm like, fine, okay.

[1:14:52] Animated's fine.

[1:14:53] I've heard Disney's Robin Hood and et cetera, et cetera.

[1:14:56] So that's okay.

[1:14:57] But then anytime I asked somebody that same question with an earshot of her,

[1:15:02] she would insist on saying, it can be animated.

[1:15:04] It can be animated.

[1:15:07] I'm normal.

[1:15:08] I really am.

[1:15:09] Simba, JTT did the voice.

[1:15:11] Come on.

[1:15:13] I think she liked the JTT version, not when he grew up and became Matthew Broderick.

[1:15:16] Which one were you talking about?

[1:15:18] I mean, I was talking about the young one, but I honestly think either.

[1:15:22] I mean, ask me later about my...

[1:15:26] I can give you more opinions about Simba, but I won't say on air.

[1:15:32] Okay, so no spoilers on that one then.

[1:15:35] And Dan, your Catch That Kid casting?

[1:15:39] The young James Stewart.

[1:15:41] Oh, young James Stewart, okay.

[1:15:43] Baby Jimmy Stewart.

[1:15:44] Okay, so would it be an old Jimmy Stewart that has been shrunk down to a kid's size?

[1:15:50] No, I think it would be the actual child Jimmy Stewart,

[1:15:53] because I wonder whether that child Jimmy Stewart would still talk like Jimmy Stewart.

[1:15:57] Yeah.

[1:15:58] So it's really more of an experiment.

[1:16:01] Yeah, yeah.

[1:16:01] Let me see whether or not it's not really...

[1:16:05] I mean, like casting wise, yeah, sure.

[1:16:07] He's going to do a good job.

[1:16:08] He's Jimmy Stewart.

[1:16:10] He's one of the top actors of Hollywood ever.

[1:16:13] And you're assuming that that was all natural, not trained,

[1:16:16] because a child version of him would have those skills.

[1:16:18] Yeah, yeah.

[1:16:19] Okay.

[1:16:20] I just want to see what that's like.

[1:16:21] So we know who's going to be the kid that gets caught or doesn't get caught is our three answers.

[1:16:27] Yeah.

[1:16:28] So the next question is from Ivan, last name withheld.

[1:16:32] The Terrible.

[1:16:33] Who writes,

[1:16:34] Hey guys, I recently dropped a terrible Jaws reference.

[1:16:38] We're going to need a bigger moat.

[1:16:40] Only to learn that my wife of nearly 10 years had never seen Jaws.

[1:16:45] Since she already knows that I'm appalled that she's never watched The Silence of the Lambs,

[1:16:49] she tried to regain some credibility as a cultured human by describing Close

[1:16:54] Encounters of the Third Kind as having a pickup truck in it, which is accurate.

[1:17:00] I was duly impressed by her brandishing a detail so minor, no one would try to bluff with it.

[1:17:06] Are there details of certain movies that stick with you despite being entirely unimportant?

[1:17:11] As I write that out, it occurs to me that every detail I can recall suddenly seems vital.

[1:17:17] Anyway, I'm grateful for the back catalog, since I sometimes need to listen to something

[1:17:21] I know I'll enjoy without the taint of schadenfreude or grim satisfaction.

[1:17:26] Thank you.

[1:17:26] Ivan, last name withheld.

[1:17:29] Well, thanks, Ivan.

[1:17:31] I actually kind of feel the other way.

[1:17:32] Like I feel like every little thing that I remember is totally unimportant,

[1:17:36] and I feel silly for remembering it.

[1:17:38] Yeah, like what?

[1:17:42] Oh man, I don't know.

[1:17:43] Like, I'm trying to think.

[1:17:52] Oh man, we'll probably just edit this whole section out of the episode,

[1:17:57] so it makes it sound like I came up with something right on the fly, right off the top of the head.

[1:18:01] Yeah, I mean, I don't know.

[1:18:04] There are movies that are unimportant that I remember very well.

[1:18:09] It's not like I remember a particular small detail of a great movie,

[1:18:14] so much as like I saw Beastmaster 50 times when I was a kid,

[1:18:19] and so I'm like, these are my ferrets.

[1:18:23] Or like every time I hear the name Wolfgang or Wolfgang Amadeus or Amadeus,

[1:18:30] I always think of Rolfgang Amadagus from the Muppet Babies cartoon

[1:18:35] when they go through their family trees and discover that

[1:18:38] Rolf's ancestor was Rolfgang Amadagus, the famous composer dog.

[1:18:44] Yeah, sure.

[1:18:45] Are there any small details you remember?

[1:18:47] I don't know if that's really a small detail.

[1:18:49] I mean, it's pretty integral with a character.

[1:18:52] I was thinking about it.

[1:18:53] No, I got it.

[1:18:55] Every time, you know how you see young or middle-aged or old people have like

[1:19:01] bald spotting or not bald spotting but like white spotting

[1:19:05] where they have like one patch of white hair?

[1:19:08] I always think about in the Peanut Butter Solution

[1:19:11] where he climbs up that chute and he sees a ghost

[1:19:14] and he freaks out and he falls down and he was so scared that all his hair turned white.

[1:19:20] And that's what I think of every time I think of

[1:19:22] when I see people who have like those little patches of white hair.

[1:19:26] So you figure it's because of the Peanut Butter Solution.

[1:19:29] Yeah, or they saw a ghost.

[1:19:33] And you're jealous of them because you're like, I want to see a fucking ghost.

[1:19:37] I know, I'm like, how'd you get that?

[1:19:38] There's one thing.

[1:19:39] There's a guy at our work who has that.

[1:19:41] Ted Tremper has that and one time I was talking to him about it.

[1:19:47] I work with this person.

[1:19:50] But he was like, I just got it when I went to the show and it was so disappointing

[1:19:54] because I was like, surely you've had it ever since you saw that ghost.

[1:19:56] He was like, no, just my life.

[1:20:00] As a ghost is working here and that's when I saw my own reflection.

[1:20:05] Just kidding.

[1:20:07] Thank you for saying just kidding. I got really scared there for a second.

[1:20:13] Um, so, uh, that has been an example of us remembering things.

[1:20:18] Yeah.

[1:20:18] And that has also been an example of what happens when we just answer emails

[1:20:22] that come in and just wing it literally during the period of time that we're

[1:20:26] doing the show. Now, what's the next part of this podcast?

[1:20:28] The next and final part of this podcast is when we recommend movies.

[1:20:31] Oh, we're going to be fast on this, right? Cause we're going long.

[1:20:34] No, no, it's fine. We're going to go nice.

[1:20:35] And we did a short letter segment so we can do whatever we want here.

[1:20:40] But, um,

[1:20:41] I got like a long,

[1:20:43] I'm just going to tell the whole story of the movie I'm recommending.

[1:20:45] If we want to recommend movies that we liked that you should watch,

[1:20:51] um, this is the place to do it.

[1:20:52] And let me recommend a movie I watched called Mr. Arkadon.

[1:20:57] What?

[1:20:58] Mr. Arkadon. It's directed by one Orson Welles.

[1:21:03] Perhaps you've heard of him.

[1:21:04] No. Oh, Unicron. Thank you.

[1:21:07] And, uh,

[1:21:09] it's an interesting movie cause it revisits themes from Orson Welles,

[1:21:12] other movies. Um, it's kind of like, uh,

[1:21:17] Citizen Kane in that it's an exploration into what wealthy

[1:21:22] person's life. Uh, and it's kind of like, uh,

[1:21:26] the third man, which is not a Orson Welles movie.

[1:21:29] It's directed by Carol Reed, but Orson Welles is in it.

[1:21:33] And he was said to have input into the, uh, screenplay.

[1:21:38] And, uh,

[1:21:40] Mr. Arkadon is based in part on a couple of episodes of the

[1:21:45] third man radio series.

[1:21:48] And so it feels a little bit like the third man. It's got the same,

[1:21:53] uh, sort of comic thriller aspect to it.

[1:21:59] It's filled with Dutch angles, weird, uh, grotesques. Um,

[1:22:04] it's about a man who is, uh,

[1:22:07] employed to look into the past of the titular Mr. Arkadon,

[1:22:12] uh, played by Orson Welles. Mr. Arkadon claims that he has, uh,

[1:22:17] amnesia and he wants this fortune hunter to

[1:22:23] this, uh,

[1:22:23] ruffian to come in and look into his past and see what he can find out about

[1:22:31] his life before, uh, where he is right now. And, uh,

[1:22:36] suffice it to say, there are a bunch of surprises.

[1:22:39] Mr. Arkadon is maybe not playing completely straight with this man.

[1:22:44] And it's a, it's an interesting movie.

[1:22:46] It's not the best Orson Welles movie, obviously. I mean,

[1:22:50] it's not Citizen Kane or the Magnificent Ambersons,

[1:22:53] but it has a lot of fun. It's not,

[1:22:57] it it's, you know, it's, it's, uh,

[1:23:02] Orson Welles at a more playful sort of in a more playful bent,

[1:23:06] but not as good as something like touch of evil. But, uh,

[1:23:10] it's certainly worth watching. And, uh,

[1:23:13] there are a bunch of different cuts of it.

[1:23:15] There's a very like short cut that's in the public domain.

[1:23:19] That's not very good.

[1:23:21] I watched what I assume is what's called the criterion cut.

[1:23:24] The one that was put together for the criterion edition. Uh,

[1:23:27] it was on Turner classic movies.

[1:23:29] Seek out the best cut that you can find. But, uh,

[1:23:33] that's what my recommendation best cuts the longest cut or yeah,

[1:23:37] it's about 110 minutes. Okay. Allie, what's your recommendation?

[1:23:42] You want to go next? Sure. Um, I would say,

[1:23:47] um, that, uh, so my recommendation is, I don't know,

[1:23:51] have you guys seen entertainment? The Greg Turkington?

[1:23:56] It's like co-written by Tim Heidecker.

[1:23:59] It's, it's, uh, really, uh, good.

[1:24:07] I was pretty into it. It's like very,

[1:24:10] it got really mixed reviews, but that doesn't necessarily, I mean, yeah.

[1:24:14] I mean, did you watch the comedy that is not, uh,

[1:24:19] it's the Tim Heidecker starred in it,

[1:24:22] but I sort of like think of these as like companion pieces,

[1:24:25] even though they're like, I don't think they were meant to be at all.

[1:24:29] Yeah. Uh, and they're both like just so rough. Uh,

[1:24:33] and entertainment is like much rougher, but it's sort of like, honestly,

[1:24:38] uh, so I've also been watching Showa,

[1:24:43] this like eight hour documentary way around. No,

[1:24:48] no. Uh, okay.

[1:24:51] No, it's my point about, no, no. Yeah.

[1:24:55] So it's this like eight hour,

[1:24:56] like legendary documentary about the Holocaust.

[1:25:00] And I feel like this is not an apt comparison at all, but I feel like,

[1:25:04] uh, like they, no, I made such a bad comparison.

[1:25:09] I have to walk away from this.

[1:25:10] But the point is that like, uh,

[1:25:15] like, uh, entertainment is like jaw droppingly uncomfortable.

[1:25:20] Um, but it is actually like very absorbing and like,

[1:25:25] I don't know. I just like never,

[1:25:27] it was so compelling and like one of those things that you didn't really like

[1:25:32] feel comfortable watching ever. But then like,

[1:25:35] I think about so many times after I've watched it. Um,

[1:25:40] and so, um, yeah, that's what I would recommend.

[1:25:43] You, uh, I mean, it feels like something that is it,

[1:25:48] like,

[1:25:48] I think the reason that I haven't watched it is because it seems like it's

[1:25:51] either something that I will definitely connect with or totally not connect with

[1:25:56] at all. Do you think it's, uh, is it the sort of, do you,

[1:25:59] do you see why people might be polarized by it?

[1:26:02] I don't know. I mean, it's not something that I,

[1:26:05] like I, it's something that like, I don't even recommending it.

[1:26:09] It's not something that when I was watching it, I was like,

[1:26:11] I feel really comfortable watching this or like feel like it's really good.

[1:26:16] And yet like when you stop watching, you're like,

[1:26:19] I'm still like haunted by all these images. And, and,

[1:26:23] and like some of them were subtle and some of them were like super graphic,

[1:26:27] but I don't think it was all just like playing on, you know,

[1:26:31] like a, the grotesque or anything. And so like,

[1:26:34] I actually think like there that you,

[1:26:38] I don't think it's one or the other.

[1:26:40] I think you can like have really uncomfortable feelings about it and still

[1:26:42] think it's like very compelling.

[1:26:45] Okay. That makes sense. Maybe I'll, maybe I'll give it a shot. Uh,

[1:26:50] tonight I'm going to recommend a movie that I swore I'd already recommended,

[1:26:53] which, but according to the flop house recommends wiki, I have not. Uh,

[1:26:57] but if I'm totally wrong, you can write in and tell me I'm an idiot.

[1:27:00] I'm going to recommend a Sam Peckinpah movie called a cross of iron.

[1:27:05] It's probably my favorite Sam Peckinpah movie. It's his only,

[1:27:10] uh, his only warm, uh, world war two movie. Uh,

[1:27:13] it's set on the Eastern front and our heroes are a ragtag group of German

[1:27:20] soldiers in world war two. So that's interesting. Yeah.

[1:27:24] That's theoretically going to be a tough movie to sell. Um,

[1:27:27] it's from a 1977 and uh,

[1:27:31] it has a great cast, uh, James Coburn, Maximilian Schell, James Mason,

[1:27:36] David Warner, uh, some really great, uh, some really great old actors.

[1:27:42] Um, and it tells the story of a, uh, a,

[1:27:47] like a, an ambitious German officer who goes to that front and he is paired up

[1:27:53] with a, like a veteran squad that's led by this hero, uh,

[1:27:58] played by James Coburn. And, uh,

[1:28:02] this ambitious officer is desperate to achieve the same honor that this,

[1:28:08] uh, that this decorated, uh, sergeant has, uh,

[1:28:12] has won a cross of iron, the highest possible honor,

[1:28:16] although that might be wrong, but, um,

[1:28:18] he's trying to get a cross of iron and, uh, his,

[1:28:22] in his quest to achieve this honor,

[1:28:24] he ends up betraying the men under his command.

[1:28:28] And it's an interesting story of, uh,

[1:28:31] like ground level soldiers being betrayed by the people above them.

[1:28:35] And it eventually boils down to a massive, uh,

[1:28:39] battle and shootout and, uh, all the, all the like politic and bullshit,

[1:28:45] politicking and bullshit just kind of goes out the window. Uh, and yeah,

[1:28:49] it's good. Cross of iron. All right.

[1:28:52] Okay. Three. Well, seven recommendations, six recommend.

[1:28:57] I don't know how many we got in there. How I got a bunch.

[1:29:02] I only met one. Okay.

[1:29:10] So what are we doing now, Dan? Well, as you can hear, my voice is going.

[1:29:15] Yeah. Dan's winding down. Uh, thanks for checking out the show guys. Uh,

[1:29:19] and yeah, you wanted to say something at the end.

[1:29:21] Yeah. I wanted to say thanks to max fun. Uh, if you haven't, uh,

[1:29:25] and if you haven't checked out the max fun family of podcasts and you like

[1:29:28] podcasts, please go check them out.

[1:29:29] There's plenty of great shows on there and they just added a bunch of new ones

[1:29:33] like the greatest generation. That's right. Uh,

[1:29:35] there's a bunch of other recent additions like the beef and dairy network,

[1:29:39] which is a personal favorite of mine. Uh,

[1:29:41] there's still buffering a show about hashtag teen life. Uh,

[1:29:46] there's all kinds of other great shows. The,

[1:29:48] and the entire McElroy catalog of shows go check out, uh, the max fun shows.

[1:29:52] They're fun. Um,

[1:29:54] and we would also like to say if you get a chance and you're on your computer

[1:29:58] and you want to see,

[1:30:00] A little bit of images to go along with our beautiful words

[1:30:04] You should go check out the flop house podcast YouTube channel

[1:30:07] It'll just put in search under YouTube the flop house podcast and that

[1:30:13] YouTube channel is being in addition to us

[1:30:17] it's being kind of managed by a artist Tony ochre who is handles a lot of the

[1:30:24] Animations on there which are great and they're a lot of fun and he adds a new one

[1:30:29] well about every month or so and

[1:30:31] To kind of support that

[1:30:33] He has set up a patreon

[1:30:36] which

[1:30:38] You can contribute to and it is a patreon to support him doing his artwork

[1:30:44] And for a patreon supporters, there's a bunch of cool

[1:30:48] Benefits or bonuses like extended versions of some of the past videos and upcoming videos

[1:30:54] I think it's actually just upcoming video subsequent videos. You get a chance to vote on

[1:31:00] Which of your favorite flop house bits all of our classic bits that you would want him to animate

[1:31:08] You might be able to appear in one of his videos. You can get your name in the credits

[1:31:12] Get some sneak previews work in progress drawings all kinds of stuff like that

[1:31:16] And his art is great and super impressive and it's kind of an honor every time he throws one of his things together

[1:31:24] That he takes our stupid little things and makes it into something genuinely awesome

[1:31:28] Yeah, and before we go also we should mention our first show on the road. Yeah

[1:31:35] Is leaving New York and we are going to Washington DC Washington D

[1:31:42] capital political

[1:31:45] In August

[1:31:46] On August the 5th, that's a Friday at 9 p.m. We will be playing black cat theater in Washington, DC

[1:31:54] Tickets are now available. If you go to the flop house site

[1:32:00] There should be in the show notes a link to that if I forget there's a blog post that talks about

[1:32:06] The live show already there so you can get tickets there. It's

[1:32:11] 20 bucks to see us. Sorry, that's a little more expensive than when we do things and then in New York

[1:32:17] we got to cover our

[1:32:18] Costs for travel. I do dude. You're worth it. You're worth 20 bucks buddy

[1:32:23] But that's gonna be going on in August. So please if you live in the DC area or if you're nearby

[1:32:30] Yeah, come on. See a live show

[1:32:33] But that being said we should sign off yeah

[1:32:39] It's been a delight

[1:32:42] Thanks for coming on Hallie, thanks for having me it was fun and

[1:32:48] For the flop house

[1:32:50] I've been Dan McCoy. Hell. Yeah, you have been and I'm gonna be Stuart Wellington forever and

[1:32:58] For a time I will be Hallie Haglund. Good night everyone

[1:33:08] You

[1:33:13] Talking to the microphone. Yeah, you don't want to be all shit. It was shitty last time, right? Yeah. How does it sound right now?

[1:33:20] Right now but you're judging by the waveforms. It sounds seems okay, you know when I go back and double-check

[1:33:26] There's no like clicks or poops

[1:33:29] books and bleeps oops and bleeps

[1:33:31] Maximum fun org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported. Hey guys, this is Adam Conover

[1:33:39] You may know me for my true TV show Adam ruins everything. Well, guess what now?

[1:33:42] We're doing a podcast version right here on maximum fun

[1:33:45] What we do is we take all the interesting

[1:33:47] Fascinating experts that we talked to for just a couple minutes on the show and we sit with them for an entire podcast

[1:33:53] Really going deep and getting into the fascinating details of their work

[1:33:56] Find Adam ruins everything wherever you get your podcasts or at maximum fun org

Ep.#206 - The Choice

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