Ep.# 210 - Fantastic Four LIVE

Stuart Wellington

[0:00] On this episode, we watched Fantastic Four, the sequel to Fantastic Three, and the prequel to Fantastic Ten.

Dan McCoy

[0:30] Thank you.

[1:00] Yeah.

[1:02] Do you know, like, I didn't realize, I didn't know this until way too late, that the reason that there are all those very special episodes is the government, like, paid the money to do that shit.

[1:11] Yeah.

[1:12] That's tax dollars.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13] It was part of the Department of Special.

[1:14] Yeah, did people know that?

[1:16] Make things more special.

[1:18] Reagan was like, America's got to realize it's special again.

Dan McCoy

[1:22] So this is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and we talk about it.

[1:25] And today, we're recording it with people.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30] Yeah.

[1:30] Oh, it's live.

[1:31] It's a live show.

Dan McCoy

[1:32] It's live in the Bell House.

[1:33] Yeah.

[1:35] Yeah.

[1:39] The best venue in Brooklyn.

[1:42] I say it's the best venue in the universe.

[1:46] The weird thing about, like, this is like pandering to, like, the people who work at the Bell House more than it is the audience.

[1:50] Kind of.

[1:51] They're great.

[1:51] Tip your bartenders.

[1:52] Yeah.

[1:54] No, so we watched the movie just down the street at...

Elliott Kalan

[1:57] Oh, I never heard of this movie just down the street that we watched.

Dan McCoy

[2:02] At our friends Ray and Stevens.

[2:03] They were kind enough to loan us their house so we could do what we do normally and watch the movie right before we come.

[2:09] So it's fresh.

[2:16] That's right.

[2:17] That's our greatest secret, Dan.

[2:19] Why did you share it?

[2:20] I've been doing...

[2:21] Because...

[2:21] I've been doing this so long that I can no longer climax without seeing a bad movie beforehand.

[2:28] That's...

[2:28] Oh, it's terrible.

Elliott Kalan

[2:31] I just like to think that you get an hour and a half to two hours and 20 minutes of foreplay.

[2:36] Before, bam, you're done.

[2:38] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[2:39] Baby, can we put on Fantastic Four while this goes on?

Elliott Kalan

[2:43] Dan, I feel like you're somewhere else.

[2:44] Wait, are you watching Bratz over my shoulder?

[2:47] No, no, no, no.

Dan McCoy

[2:49] I'm thinking of another woman.

[2:56] So anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[2:58] The movie Fantastic Four.

[3:00] We watched...

[3:01] Now, which Fantastic Four was this?

[3:02] Because this is the third movie named Fantastic Four.

Dan McCoy

[3:05] This is not the Roger Corman Fantastic Four.

[3:07] Okay.

[3:08] So it's fourth movie.

Elliott Kalan

[3:09] Wait a minute.

Dan McCoy

[3:10] It should have been fantastic then.

[3:12] This is not the Jessica Albert's Fantastic Four.

[3:15] Jessica Albert.

[3:15] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[3:17] The Silver Surfer did not rise in this one, Elliot.

[3:19] No.

[3:20] He didn't.

[3:20] That's what you're suggesting.

Dan McCoy

[3:20] This is the new one with a hip, young cast.

[3:24] It's got Whiplash in it.

[3:25] Whiplash is there.

[3:26] It's got Creed.

Elliott Kalan

[3:27] But not Whiplash from Iron Man 2.

[3:29] Yeah.

[3:29] Whiplash from Whiplash.

Dan McCoy

[3:30] Yeah.

[3:31] It's got Lady House of Cards.

[3:33] Yep.

[3:34] House of Cards.

[3:35] And Billy Elliot.

[3:36] Billy Elliot.

[3:37] Yeah.

[3:39] As Rock Man, as you put it in your...

[3:41] Turtle.

[3:42] We call him Turtle.

[3:42] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[3:43] In America, we call him Mega Man.

Dan McCoy

[3:46] For listeners to the podcast, that's a callback to something that you didn't see or hear because

[3:52] it happened before we started taping.

[3:53] Oh, the turtle thing.

[3:54] Yeah.

[3:55] Just drawing back the curtain.

[3:57] Anyway, Fantastic Four.

Elliott Kalan

[3:59] Fantastic Four.

[4:00] And boy, oh boy, was it a movie that we watched.

[4:04] Now, here's the thing.

[4:06] Hollywood is dedicated to getting the Fantastic Four right.

[4:09] They are sure there is money to be made in this property.

[4:13] They're going to crack this nut.

[4:14] It doesn't matter how many times it takes.

[4:16] They are going to make Fantastic Four.

Stuart Wellington

[4:19] It's like a baseball match where you can have like 10 or 11 strikes and still be in the game.

[4:26] Yeah.

[4:26] It's exactly like a baseball match.

[4:29] David Kalin's not here to critique that.

[4:31] So we can say whatever we want.

Elliott Kalan

[4:33] It's like we're kicking goals in basketball or whatever.

Dan McCoy

[4:36] Sounds right to me.

[4:36] I don't know.

[4:37] We're shoving a ball through a hoop for some reason.

[4:40] It's not as good.

Elliott Kalan

[4:41] Yeah.

[4:41] Now, as we realized while we were watching the movie, there was a good version of Fantastic

[4:47] Four already made.

[4:48] It was called The Incredibles.

[4:50] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[4:52] Or arguably sections of the Venture Brothers cartoon show.

[4:55] Yeah.

[4:55] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[4:57] But was this...

[4:58] How was this?

[4:58] It was neither of those things.

Dan McCoy

[4:59] In case you forgot what we watched.

Elliott Kalan

[5:02] Should we talk about how the movie went along?

Dan McCoy

[5:04] Yeah.

[5:05] It went along.

Elliott Kalan

[5:07] It was a...

[5:07] This is a movie that had what I would call a pacing problem.

[5:11] A lumpy structure.

[5:12] It is mostly act one.

[5:15] And then act two starts.

[5:16] And we get through act two very quickly.

[5:18] And then suddenly act three arrives while act two is still going on.

Dan McCoy

[5:21] And then the movie's over.

[5:23] I thought you were going to say that, yeah.

[5:24] Suddenly you realize that act two was act three.

[5:27] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[5:27] I mean, there was literally a point where I was like, it's taken a while to get to this

[5:31] point.

[5:31] Okay.

[5:32] But we're solidly in the middle of the movie now.

[5:34] And I went to check and there were 15 minutes left in the movie, I think.

[5:39] But as everyone knows, Fantastic Four is the tale of four explorer-adventurer-scientists.

Stuart Wellington

[5:44] It begins at the dawn of time, 2007.

Elliott Kalan

[5:46] This version of the Fantastic Four opens, as Stuart likes to say, in media race.

Stuart Wellington

[5:55] Oh, I don't ever say that.

[5:57] Oh, that's true.

[5:57] I forgot.

[5:59] Smash cut.

[6:00] That's what I say.

Elliott Kalan

[6:01] You say both of those things.

[6:05] The year is 2007.

[6:07] We all remember it.

[6:08] We were still going through the presidential campaign or whatever.

[6:13] Yeah.

[6:13] There's probably like slap bracelets or some shit.

[6:15] Yeah, yeah.

[6:16] And everybody was talking about this MC Hammer guy.

[6:21] But...

[6:22] Everybody was doing the Charleston.

[6:27] And a young boy, young Reed Richards, is a super nerd who's hunched over his notebook in class,

[6:33] just scribbling arcane mathematics and diagrams and things.

[6:38] And his teacher, played by, of course, Homer Simpson himself.

[6:41] Yeah, Dan Castellaneta.

[6:42] That was one of the better things in the movie.

[6:44] Who, for a moment, I confused with Jonathan Katz because they look very similar, it turns out.

[6:49] He...

[6:50] They're doing...

Dan McCoy

[6:51] Now I want to see a buddy picture with the two of them.

[6:53] That'd be great.

[6:54] Maybe they're brothers.

[6:55] They're trying to parent trap people.

[6:57] Yeah, that's right.

[6:58] They're trying to parent trap their very old parents.

[7:02] It's not that hard.

[7:03] No.

[7:04] Easy to trap old people.

[7:05] Yeah.

[7:06] They're already trapped in a retirement home.

[7:10] They're trapped in their decaying bodies.

Elliott Kalan

[7:14] Wow.

[7:15] Dan.

[7:17] Like we all are.

[7:18] It's hilarious.

[7:19] Good point.

[7:20] Good point, Dan.

[7:21] The day we're born is when we start dying.

[7:22] That's true.

[7:23] Now, young Reed Richards is about to partake in the what do I want to be when I grow up presentation.

[7:31] Something we've all been through, I'm sure.

[7:33] Yeah.

[7:33] Because this teacher has no interest in teaching these children.

[7:37] And he also seems to be a science teacher, which makes it doubly strange that he's doing this.

[7:42] And Reed Richards says, I want to be the...

[7:44] I want to invent teleportation.

[7:46] I want to be the first person to teleport.

[7:47] And I've done it.

[7:48] I've been building this machine.

[7:49] This is frowned upon by his teacher, who declares such a thing impossible.

Stuart Wellington

[7:54] What's weird, though, is he says he wants to be...

[7:56] When he grows up, he wants to be that guy.

[7:58] But if he's that close, does he just expect to, like, dick around for 10 years?

Elliott Kalan

[8:02] He wants to do it and then go through puberty and...

Stuart Wellington

[8:06] Oh, when he's a grown-up, he just wants to, like, bask in that.

Elliott Kalan

[8:08] Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[8:09] He wants to be famous as the guy who did it.

[8:13] And that catches the eye of young Benjamin Grimm, played by one of the friends from Fresh

[8:19] Off the Boat, who we see with his not-so-happy life living at a junkyard.

[8:25] Because apparently he's one of Riff Raff's gang.

[8:30] And because there's some weird touches throughout the movie.

[8:32] They take a lot of liberties with the stories from the comics, which is fine.

[8:36] But then they'll throw in a weird touch just to be like, we read the comics.

[8:40] So Benjamin Grimm's family is very clearly Jewish.

[8:43] Like, they have a menorah, they have a mezuzah.

[8:44] Like, he's Jewish in the comics.

[8:46] But they are the most Queens-Italian Jewish family I have ever seen.

[8:50] There is nothing Jewish about them except that they have a menorah on the show.

Dan McCoy

[8:53] Yeah, there's a lot of slapping of the ears of the kids.

[8:57] Which I guess is...

[8:58] I mean, now I feel like that's an Italian slur, and I feel bad that I said that.

Elliott Kalan

[9:00] I'm not the one who brought up that it was the slapping that made me think that.

[9:03] And also, they live in a junkyard, which is, I guess,

[9:06] comes from the Jewish merchant tradition of being a bone-and-rag man.

[9:10] That's...

[9:10] That you would...

[9:11] In the 21st century, of course, you'd be involved with machinery parts.

[9:15] But he finds in the junkyard young Reed Richards trying to find a power converter or some garbage.

[9:23] A flux capacitor.

[9:24] A flux capacitor.

[9:25] And it's some kind of...

[9:27] It's kind of an oscillation overthruster or some nonsense.

[9:30] And he says, I'll give you the parts you need, but you've got to make me your buddy.

[9:34] And so they go to Reed Richards' Primer Garage, which is essentially the garage from Primer.

[9:40] And he's got a shit ton of Nintendo 64 stuff.

[9:43] Reed Richards' Primer Garage.

Dan McCoy

[9:44] Sounds like a place where you sell paint.

[9:46] Come on down to Reed Richards' Primer Garage.

[9:49] We got all your primer needs.

[9:50] We don't sell normal paint.

[9:51] Only primer.

[9:52] Only primer.

Elliott Kalan

[9:53] That paint's all the way up on the shelf.

[9:55] Let me get a ladder.

[9:56] No need.

[9:56] Stretch.

[9:57] Bring it down.

[9:59] You see, my ability to stretch gives me a leg up in the primer selling business.

[10:04] So, it's not a pun.

[10:06] I don't know why there was a groan like it was a pun.

[10:09] They plug in this machine to try to make, what, a little toy car teleport or something?

[10:15] That sounds right.

Dan McCoy

[10:15] They're kids.

[10:16] They like toy cars.

Elliott Kalan

[10:17] They're playing with matchbox cars and things like that.

[10:18] Sure, why not?

[10:19] And in the process, he blows a circuit and blacks out New York.

[10:24] Uh-oh.

[10:24] The famous 2007 blackout.

[10:26] Except, like, I don't know why they didn't pick a year where there was a big blackout.

Dan McCoy

[10:30] Yeah.

[10:31] Like, yeah, why have a blackout in New York if you're not going to use it for the Fantastic Four movie?

[10:35] Am I right?

Elliott Kalan

[10:37] Always take advantage.

[10:38] Every crisis is an opportunity.

[10:39] Yeah.

[10:41] Smash cut.

[10:42] Smash cut, thank you.

[10:43] Now it's what, like seven years later?

[10:45] Yeah, seven or eight.

[10:46] Now they're grown-ups, by which I mean teenagers.

[10:49] And they, now, here's a weird thing.

[10:51] They're in a science fair where he is finally ready to unveil his teleportation device.

[10:54] A science fair and a gymnasium.

[10:55] A science fair and a gymnasium, as many science fairs are set in.

[10:59] But Dan Castellaneta is still the teacher, and all the other contestants at the science fair we see are children.

[11:04] And so, it's like his teacher thought so little of his teleportation math.

[11:09] That he held him back for seven years.

[11:11] Until now he is almost old enough, almost at the age of consent, but he's still like in what, fourth grade?

[11:20] Yeah.

[11:21] Fifth grade?

[11:21] It doesn't make sense.

[11:23] He, once again, causes havoc with his device.

[11:26] Ben Grimm, played now by Billy Elliot, is loyally at his side because they're just best buds.

[11:33] And like, you want your pals to be with you when you're at the science fair.

[11:36] Yeah, he's a tough guy.

Dan McCoy

[11:37] He doesn't want to get picked up in the round in case he gets beat up by bullies or something.

Elliott Kalan

[11:40] Except he's shorter than Miles Teller, who's playing Reed Richards.

Dan McCoy

[11:43] He's scrappy.

[11:44] Okay.

[11:45] You should support him as a short gentleman yourself.

[11:48] You should, uh...

Elliott Kalan

[11:49] I mean, he's not actually short.

[11:50] He's just shorter than the guy he's ostensibly protecting.

[11:53] Yeah.

[11:54] All right.

[11:55] I'm just saying.

[11:56] Your theory doesn't ring out.

[11:58] Anyway, they cause trouble, and Homer Simpson is not happy about it.

[12:03] They do not win the science fair, but they do catch the eye of one Mr. Storm and his daughter, Susan Storm.

Dan McCoy

[12:10] Who just hang out at high school science fairs.

Stuart Wellington

[12:13] Looking for breakthroughs.

[12:15] They accidentally destroy the backboard on a basketball hoop, and Dan Castanel...

[12:20] I'm not going to try and say that again.

[12:21] Whatever.

[12:21] It doesn't matter.

[12:22] Danny C.

[12:23] I told a Dan.

[12:25] But he's like, you're going to pay for that.

[12:27] And that's crazy.

[12:28] He's a kid.

[12:30] I mean, probably his parents are going to pay for it.

[12:32] Exactly.

[12:33] Okay.

[12:33] That's it.

Dan McCoy

[12:34] Thanks.

[12:34] All right.

[12:35] I'm glad.

[12:36] I'm glad.

[12:36] I'm done.

[12:37] We worked out your one problem with the movie.

[12:40] Good old checks out.

[12:41] It's a perfect movie.

Elliott Kalan

[12:41] Let's speed it up a little bit.

[12:43] They are from the Baxter Foundation, which is where Prodigy Wiz kids go to build the technology

[12:49] of the future, which takes a lot of welding and computers.

[12:53] And we know they're working on teleportation, too, or as they call it, interdimensional travel.

[12:58] Because in this movie, teleporting, dimensional travel, and other planets are kind of just all the

[13:03] same thing.

[13:04] It is not a particularly science-based film, which is okay, because it's a movie about

[13:10] a rock man and a fire guy.

[13:12] Yeah.

[13:12] And a stretchy dude.

[13:13] And stretchy.

[13:14] So that's okay.

[13:15] And an invisible lady.

[13:17] They're all working together at this super kid science lab.

[13:20] I thought for a second that Ben Grimm got to go, too, but he didn't.

[13:23] He is just moving Miles Teller's bags like a bud.

Stuart Wellington

[13:26] And we don't check up on him for a while.

[13:28] Yeah.

[13:28] He's just doing...

[13:29] He's just working at a junkyard.

[13:30] You know?

Dan McCoy

[13:30] Yeah.

[13:31] He's like Fat Albert or, I don't know, like Heathcliff.

[13:35] He lives in a junkyard, right?

[13:36] Heathcliff lives in a house.

Elliott Kalan

[13:38] Riff Raff lives in a junkyard.

[13:39] Okay.

[13:39] And I don't mean Riff Raff from Rocky Horror Picture Show.

[13:41] He lives in a big spooky house.

[13:43] But he's from another planet.

Dan McCoy

[13:46] That reminds me of Rocky Horror Picture Show.

[13:47] I kept wanting...

[13:48] Yeah, because I just mentioned it.

[13:52] But when the thing was around, I kept wanting Frank and Furter to come out and go,

[13:56] Oh, Rocky.

Elliott Kalan

[14:00] Yeah, because he's made of rocks.

[14:03] It checks out.

[14:04] That'll brighten his day.

[14:06] The head of the...

[14:07] Mr. Storm also brings back into the fold young Victor Von Doom,

[14:12] a ne'er-do-well kind of bad boy

[14:15] who spends most of his time hanging out in the basement of an abandoned warehouse

[14:18] playing video games

[14:19] and is from the Eastern European nation of Latveria.

[14:22] And everyone makes comments as if he has an accent,

[14:24] but he does not have an accent.

[14:27] But Tim Blake Nelson, who's the head of some kind of...

[14:30] I guess the head of the foundation.

Dan McCoy

[14:32] He's like a military man who is funding the foundation

[14:36] and is like, I need to see military results.

Elliott Kalan

[14:38] I guess so, yeah.

[14:39] He does not like bringing Von Doom in,

[14:41] but what are you going to do?

[14:42] So they bring him in.

[14:43] They all work together.

[14:45] And frankly, what is like...

[14:47] And they also bring in Michael B. Jordan as Johnny Storm,

[14:50] the other son,

[14:51] who is a hot-headed hot-rod hotter,

[14:54] who is also a genius,

[14:56] because everyone in the movie is a genius,

[14:58] but he's an er-do-well as well, also a bad boy.

Stuart Wellington

[15:00] Well, that comes from the Marvel era

[15:01] where everybody's a super scientist, right?

[15:03] I mean, that's now, basically.

[15:04] Oh, okay.

Elliott Kalan

[15:05] If I can go on a tangent for a moment.

[15:07] One of the issues I have with the current Marvel Universe

[15:11] is if you're a scientist in one field,

[15:14] you're instantly a genius in all fields.

[15:16] So Bruce Banner, who is a nuclear physicist,

[15:19] can also invent, like, teleportation rays

[15:22] and cure people of things,

[15:23] which doesn't make any sense.

[15:26] Every scientist can do everything in the Marvel Universe.

[15:28] Peter Parker's, like, I don't know, doing surgery?

Stuart Wellington

[15:33] I mean, that's pretty...

[15:35] I think that's pretty simple

[15:36] if you can make, like, a web shooter

[15:37] that creates a sticky substance

[15:39] that stays hard forever.

Elliott Kalan

[15:41] No, it only lasts an hour, and then it dissolves.

[15:44] Wait, what?

[15:45] Otherwise, every time he shot J. Jonah Jameson in the mouth,

[15:48] he would have killed him.

Stuart Wellington

[15:52] So why did he keep doing it?

Dan McCoy

[15:55] Yeah, Peter Parker, at that point,

[15:56] just becomes a serial killer.

[15:58] Who superglues people's mouths shut

[16:01] in, like, sort of a Strangeland sort of situation or something.

[16:04] And now Dexter's got to go get him.

[16:07] The crossover we've been waiting for.

Elliott Kalan

[16:10] So they're all working on this teleportation device.

[16:13] Turns out they make it work,

[16:14] and they manage to send a chimpanzee

[16:16] to a far-off planet full of rocks and glowing lava.

[16:20] Whoa.

[16:21] Mr. Storm makes very inflated claims

[16:24] for what they can do with this planet.

Stuart Wellington

[16:25] And they use a CGI chimpanzee.

[16:28] So you don't actually feel nervous.

[16:30] Yeah.

[16:31] So you don't feel nervous about it.

Elliott Kalan

[16:32] Yeah.

[16:33] And Mr. Storm is saying, like,

[16:35] this planet will help us figure out

[16:36] the origins of the human race,

[16:38] new forms of energy that will free us

[16:40] from climate change.

[16:41] You don't know anything about this planet, dude.

[16:42] Like, do not...

[16:44] Don't make claims.

[16:45] That's crazy.

Dan McCoy

[16:45] You know, he's just telling that

[16:46] to the military

[16:46] because this is a real sweet pork project for them,

[16:49] you know?

[16:49] Sweet pork.

[16:51] It's like a maple-glazed ham.

[16:53] Like a pork bun.

[16:53] Like, you know,

[16:54] you get it at Momofuku or something.

[16:56] Real sweet pork.

[16:56] Now, why didn't they just work

Elliott Kalan

[16:57] on making a better pork bun?

[16:59] Because that's a project

[17:00] I think the government can get behind.

Stuart Wellington

[17:01] You have to teleport the pork

[17:03] into the bun.

Dan McCoy

[17:06] Yeah.

[17:06] It's sort of a catch more flies

[17:08] with honey situation.

[17:09] We just, like,

[17:09] instead of bombing people,

[17:10] we just send really good pork buns to them.

[17:12] Yeah.

[17:12] Like, oh, America's all right.

Elliott Kalan

[17:14] I don't know if that would work so great

[17:15] in the places we're at war with right now.

[17:20] But he's trying, L.A.

[17:21] No, but Dan's coming up with good ideas.

[17:23] Well, he's coming up with ideas.

[17:24] Like, I'm just spitballing in.

[17:25] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[17:25] There's no bad ideas in this room.

[17:26] We're blue sky in it.

[17:27] Yeah.

[17:29] Smash cut.

[17:31] The kids are excited

[17:32] because they think...

[17:33] They're all right.

[17:33] The kids think they're gonna...

[17:35] You're welcome.

[17:38] The kids think they're gonna be the ones

[17:40] who can go into this new dimension.

[17:43] Turns out, no,

[17:44] they're gonna have professionals do that.

[17:46] That makes sense.

[17:46] That makes perfect sense.

[17:47] The kids get mad.

[17:48] They sneak in.

[17:49] They teleport to this other dimension.

[17:50] Victor Von Doom touches some glowing lava.

[17:52] That makes the lava go crazy.

[17:54] Everything blows up.

[17:56] They all get superpowers

[17:57] based on the thing

[17:58] that was touching them at the time.

[17:59] So a bunch of rocks hit Ben Grimm.

[18:01] He turns into a rock man.

[18:03] Johnny Storm's on fire.

[18:04] He turns into a fireman.

[18:06] And Reed Richards is, I guess...

[18:07] He's touched by nothing.

[18:08] So I guess, like,

Dan McCoy

[18:09] getting stretchy

[18:10] is just the default thing

Elliott Kalan

[18:11] that happens on that planet.

[18:12] Reed Richards,

[18:15] they all get captured

[18:15] by the government.

[18:16] And Sue Storm gets caught

[18:17] in an explosion

[18:18] in turns invisible

[18:19] because she was around invisible

[18:21] at the time.

[18:22] Yeah, she was around the air.

[18:24] Yeah.

[18:24] So...

[18:25] You can't see it, can you?

[18:26] Exactly.

[18:27] They get captured

[18:28] by the military.

[18:29] Reed Richards escapes.

[18:31] There's some cool,

[18:32] gross scenes

[18:32] of their bodies getting...

[18:33] But Doom gets left behind, right?

[18:34] Yeah, Doom gets left behind.

[18:36] Like the hit novel series,

[18:38] the same name.

[18:38] Yeah, they think he's dead.

Dan McCoy

[18:39] It's a real, you know,

[18:40] it's a Martian situation.

Elliott Kalan

[18:41] Yeah.

[18:42] And so,

[18:43] then Reed Richards is on the loose.

[18:45] The thing is being used

[18:46] by the military

[18:46] to blow up tanks and stuff

[18:48] with his punches.

[18:49] And Johnny Storm

[18:50] and Invisible Woman

[18:51] are learning how to use their powers.

[18:52] We are firmly at the end

[18:54] of act one of the movie.

[18:55] Cue the last half hour

[18:57] of the movie.

[18:58] In which they go get Reed Richards,

[19:01] they bring him back,

[19:02] they go to the other planet,

[19:03] get Doctor Doom,

[19:04] he's turned into a crazy metal man

[19:06] with Akira powers.

[19:07] He's blown people's heads

[19:08] up left and right.

[19:09] He's decided the other world's better.

[19:10] He's going to destroy this world,

[19:12] creates a portal

[19:12] to bring all of Earth's matter

[19:14] over here,

[19:14] and they go through the portal.

[19:16] They come up with

[19:16] some cockamamie way

[19:17] that kicking him into a laser beam

[19:19] blows him up or something.

[19:21] And they beat him,

[19:22] and that's the end.

[19:23] Yeah.

[19:25] I gotta...

Dan McCoy

[19:30] And the thing is,

[19:31] like the movie is...

[19:32] The thing is made of rocks.

[19:34] The thing is made of rocks.

[19:36] Now, I wonder if he's rocks

[19:38] all the way through.

[19:39] That's like...

[19:40] Are you rocks all the way through?

[19:42] Yeah, or is there like

[19:43] an organic guy inside

[19:44] and then there's just like

[19:45] rocks on top of him?

[19:46] Like, you know,

[19:46] he's been like rolled in nuts

[19:48] or something.

Elliott Kalan

[19:48] There's a person

[19:50] inside all those nuts.

[19:51] Yeah.

[19:51] Also, the thing in this movie,

[19:52] in the comics,

[19:53] he's always wearing

[19:53] little underpants.

[19:54] In the movie,

[19:55] he's just nude all the time.

[19:57] So he has no genitals.

[19:59] No genitals, yeah.

[20:00] And possibly a butt,

[20:01] but we're not sure.

Dan McCoy

[20:03] Everyone has a butt, Elliot.

[20:05] Now you're gonna...

[20:05] Next thing you're gonna tell me,

[20:06] everyone poops.

[20:07] Well, we were talking about

[20:09] whether the thing

[20:09] pooped or not.

[20:10] Yeah, what is it?

[20:11] He has to eat, right?

[20:13] Yeah.

[20:13] Are his teeth made of rocks?

[20:14] Is it little pebbles?

[20:15] What about his tongue?

Elliott Kalan

[20:16] Now, because here's the thing

[20:17] about the Fantastic Four.

[20:18] Since they were created

[20:19] in 1961,

[20:21] the only thing anyone

[20:22] has ever thought of

[20:23] to talk about them

[20:23] is how their powers

[20:24] can be used sexually

[20:25] or for pooping.

[20:26] Yeah.

[20:26] That's it.

[20:27] For 50 years,

[20:28] this is the only conversation...

[20:29] This is how people talk

[20:30] about the Fantastic Four.

[20:31] They say,

[20:32] they're really a family at heart.

[20:34] They're explorers,

[20:34] not just superheroes.

[20:36] What happens when he has sex

[20:37] with the Invisible Woman?

[20:38] Yeah.

[20:38] Like, that's how

[20:39] the conversation is...

Dan McCoy

[20:40] She's all stretchy.

[20:40] I mean, he's all stretchy,

[20:41] obviously,

[20:41] but also in this movie,

[20:43] in this movie,

[20:44] they have...

[20:46] In this movie...

[20:47] We should wrap it up

Stuart Wellington

[20:48] pretty soon, too.

Dan McCoy

[20:49] No, we're doing okay,

[20:51] I think.

[20:51] We got a little while.

[20:52] But in this movie,

[20:54] they...

[20:55] Overruled.

[20:55] No, I think we're

[20:56] out of time.

[20:56] Yeah.

[20:59] The...

[21:00] What they wear

[21:01] controls their powers,

[21:03] and so if she takes

[21:04] off her clothes,

[21:05] she turns invisible.

Elliott Kalan

[21:06] Well, she kind of fades

[21:07] in and out of visibility.

Dan McCoy

[21:08] Yeah, so if she's having sex,

[21:10] like, it's a stretchy man

[21:11] having sex with an invisible

[21:12] woman at that point.

[21:13] Yeah.

[21:14] Which I'm sure

[21:15] is someone's fetish.

[21:17] It's gotta be.

[21:18] So...

[21:19] Haven't you ever...

[21:19] I guess I recommend

[21:20] this movie, then?

[21:21] Haven't you ever...

Elliott Kalan

[21:22] Haven't you ever,

[21:24] while having sex,

[21:25] been like,

[21:25] I wonder what's going on

[21:26] in there?

Stuart Wellington

[21:28] Yeah.

[21:28] I love those

[21:29] Star Wars Incredible

[21:30] Cross-Section books.

Dan McCoy

[21:33] Yeah.

[21:34] That's when the invisible

[21:35] woman turns into

[21:36] the visible woman.

[21:37] In terms of sex stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[21:40] Anyway, so...

[21:41] Moving along.

[21:43] So, and then the last scene,

[21:44] the government has decided,

[21:46] you know what,

[21:46] Fantastic Four?

[21:47] You're all right.

[21:48] And they give them

[21:49] a special super secret

[21:50] hideout in the middle

[21:51] of nowhere,

[21:52] and they're like,

[21:53] we need a name

[21:53] for this group.

[21:54] We need a name.

[21:54] What are we gonna be called?

[21:55] And they throw around

[21:56] stupid names.

[21:57] And then the thing,

[21:58] whose life is terrible,

[22:01] he's just a walking boulder

[22:02] that they throw at stuff,

[22:04] he goes,

[22:04] it's all pretty fantastic.

[22:07] And meaning,

[22:08] because his life is terrible,

[22:09] I assume not fantastic,

[22:10] like great,

[22:11] but in the old,

[22:11] like romantic literature

[22:13] use of the term

[22:13] is unbelievable,

[22:14] incredible.

[22:16] Excelsior.

[22:17] And Miles Teller goes,

[22:18] yeah,

[22:19] Miles Teller goes,

[22:20] wait a minute,

[22:21] say that word again?

[22:23] He goes,

[22:23] I said it was fantastic.

[22:25] And he goes,

[22:25] guys,

[22:26] I think I got a name.

[22:27] And then it cuts

[22:28] to the logo,

[22:29] Fantastic Four,

[22:30] credits roll.

[22:31] I love it when that thing

Dan McCoy

[22:32] happens in movies

[22:33] where it's like,

[22:34] the idea has gotten

[22:35] past the person's brain,

[22:37] but they still need

[22:38] the other person

[22:38] to repeat it

[22:39] for some reason,

[22:40] like to really like

[22:41] cement it in their mind.

[22:42] Yeah.

[22:42] It's like,

[22:43] hold on,

Elliott Kalan

[22:44] someone said something

Dan McCoy

[22:45] that gives me an idea.

[22:46] Say what you just said again.

Elliott Kalan

[22:48] that I wanted to have

[22:49] Chinese for dinner.

[22:50] Of course,

[22:51] Chinatown.

[22:53] That happens in the movie

[22:54] Chinatown, right?

[22:55] Yeah,

[22:55] that's right.

Dan McCoy

[22:57] Forget it,

[22:58] Jake,

[22:58] it's Chinese for dinner.

[22:59] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[23:00] But I brought home

[23:01] this bobbly pizza.

Dan McCoy

[23:06] Wait,

[23:06] you brought home

[23:07] a bobbly pizza?

[23:08] I guess from the supermarket.

[23:09] From the supermarket,

[23:09] yeah.

[23:10] Wait,

[23:10] they make whole pizzas now?

[23:11] You have to bring it home

[23:11] from somewhere.

[23:13] Unless you live

[23:14] in the bobbly factory.

[23:15] It's not like

[23:15] it was take out bobbly,

[23:16] which everyone knows

[23:17] is a mad thing to say.

[23:20] Insanity.

[23:21] Bubbly pizza

[23:22] is a pizza you make at home

[23:23] that's halfway made

[23:24] for you already.

Elliott Kalan

[23:25] You find it on a rack

[23:27] like this.

[23:28] Anyway,

[23:29] those commercials

[23:29] no one remembers,

[23:30] I guess.

[23:31] So,

[23:32] Fantastic Four,

[23:33] here's the thing.

[23:34] When it was first starting up.

[23:35] He's made of rocks.

[23:42] It's my job today.

[23:43] Nice,

[23:44] nice,

[23:44] solid.

[23:46] I,

Elliott Kalan

[23:46] I,

[23:46] the,

[23:48] the,

[23:49] the,

[23:50] around,

[23:51] I,

[23:52] I,

[23:52] I was actually enjoying

[23:53] the beginning of this movie

[23:54] because I was like,

[23:55] okay,

[23:55] this isn't my take

[23:56] on the Fantastic Four

[23:57] that I'm used to,

[23:58] and I have written

[23:59] for three of the four characters.

[24:01] Anyway,

[24:01] so,

[24:02] the,

[24:02] it's not,

[24:03] although one of the stories

[24:04] was,

[24:04] was Reed and Ben

[24:05] going to their college graduation,

[24:07] college reunion,

[24:08] so it's not like

[24:08] a canon story or anything.

[24:10] But,

[24:10] the,

[24:12] one of the,

[24:13] I was like,

[24:13] okay,

[24:14] this is good,

[24:14] like,

[24:15] they're spending a lot of time

[24:15] developing these characters,

[24:17] that's fine,

[24:17] they have a real camaraderie,

[24:19] that's good.

[24:19] There's a little bit of fun.

[24:20] There's a,

[24:21] yeah,

[24:21] but then,

[24:22] a little bit.

[24:22] It gets really grim,

[24:24] not just Ben Grimm,

[24:24] it gets really grim.

[24:25] Who's made of rocks.

[24:28] And it just like,

[24:29] they ran out of time,

[24:30] apparently it was a longer movie

[24:31] and they cut it down

[24:32] because they just run out of time

[24:33] for that movie.

Dan McCoy

[24:33] And then at the end of the movie,

[24:36] Doctor Doom,

[24:37] I mean,

[24:37] this is what I wanted to get into,

[24:38] Doctor Doom is like a guy

[24:40] who can like,

[24:41] explode people's heads,

[24:44] like scanner style.

[24:45] He does it to,

[24:46] what's his face?

[24:48] Tim Blake Nelson.

Elliott Kalan

[24:49] He turns into like,

[24:50] a metal Tetsuo,

Dan McCoy

[24:51] the Iron Man.

[24:51] And so they're fighting him all over.

[24:52] But now he doesn't turn into

Elliott Kalan

[24:53] Tetsuo the Iron Man.

[24:54] No.

Dan McCoy

[24:55] Yeah,

[24:55] they're fighting him over

[24:56] on this crazy planet

[24:57] and Mr. Fantastic

[24:59] is literally just punching him

[25:00] with his stretchy arms.

[25:02] And you're like,

[25:03] why aren't you

[25:03] exploding his head?

Elliott Kalan

[25:04] You got that

[25:05] splody head powers.

[25:06] Much like Star Trek

[25:07] Into Darkness,

[25:08] the character is an unstoppable

[25:10] juggernaut of aggression

[25:11] until the end

[25:13] when the hero attacks him

[25:14] and he's like,

[25:15] ah, punches,

[25:16] I can't deal with this.

[25:17] I have no defenses.

Stuart Wellington

[25:19] Maybe deep down

[25:20] he still reads friend

[25:21] and doesn't want to kill him.

Elliott Kalan

[25:23] Well,

[25:23] that would have been

[25:24] a really good theme

[25:26] to bring up,

[25:27] but instead...

[25:27] If it was in the movie.

[25:28] Yeah,

[25:28] but they don't.

[25:30] He was like,

[25:30] no, no,

[25:31] we were buds.

[25:32] I mean,

[25:32] they only knew each other

[25:32] for like a few weeks.

[25:33] We were buds.

Dan McCoy

[25:34] So why do they keep calling him?

[25:34] Don't kill me.

[25:35] We were buds.

[25:39] Someday I'll be saying that

[25:40] to you, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[25:42] Well,

[25:43] I like to believe

[25:43] I'm going to be plunging

[25:44] a mystic dagger

[25:45] into your heart.

Dan McCoy

[25:48] We should now

[25:50] get to Final Judgments,

[25:51] I think,

[25:51] whether this was

[25:52] a good, bad movie,

[25:53] a bad, bad movie,

[25:54] or a movie we kind of like.

[25:55] Elliot,

[25:55] I think you've started it off already.

[25:56] What do you have to say?

Elliott Kalan

[25:57] Like,

[25:57] it wasn't a good,

[25:58] bad movie.

[25:59] I don't think it was as

[26:00] bad, bad a movie

[26:01] as it could have been,

[26:02] but it was not

[26:02] worth watching particularly.

[26:05] So, you know.

[26:06] Like,

[26:06] I wasn't like,

[26:07] I wasn't in,

[26:08] hey,

[26:09] I am,

[26:10] it's okay for me to have

[26:11] an opinion on it,

[26:12] audience.

[26:13] Like,

[26:14] I don't understand,

[26:16] there are people

[26:17] who are really invested

[26:18] in not liking

[26:18] Fantastic Four.

Stuart Wellington

[26:20] Yeah,

[26:21] I thought it was okay

[26:21] up to a certain point,

[26:22] and then it got super crazy.

[26:24] Just do it,

[26:25] don't say that,

[26:25] the audience will rip you

[26:26] to shreds.

[26:26] Oh, no.

[26:27] And also,

[26:28] it's just so bland

[26:29] and grim,

[26:30] pun intended,

[26:31] who's made of rocks,

[26:32] that it,

[26:34] I mean,

[26:35] it suffers from what I feel

[26:36] like a lot of the Fox

[26:37] superhero movies have,

[26:38] which is like,

[26:39] blanding,

[26:40] like modernizing it

[26:41] by making it more bland

[26:42] and flat.

[26:43] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[26:44] Yeah,

[26:45] I don't,

[26:45] don't boo me,

[26:46] audience.

[26:49] I marginally kind of liked it.

[26:51] For psychology?

[26:51] I,

[26:52] I,

[26:53] I,

[26:53] no,

Elliott Kalan

[26:57] no,

[26:58] no.

[26:59] I think,

[27:00] you should be booing

[27:01] yourselves.

[27:02] I think,

Dan McCoy

[27:02] I think what you have

[27:04] to understand is,

[27:05] It's turned into an episode

Elliott Kalan

[27:06] of the Morton Downey show.

Dan McCoy

[27:07] You have to understand

[27:08] the,

[27:08] contemporary reference

Stuart Wellington

[27:11] from Elliot Caleb.

[27:12] Are you surprised?

Dan McCoy

[27:15] What you have to understand

[27:16] is the curve

[27:17] that we are grading

[27:18] these things on.

[27:19] Having done eight years

[27:21] of,

[27:22] We watched Entourage

[27:22] last night.

[27:23] Yeah.

[27:24] And so,

[27:25] having heard that this was

[27:26] a total piece of shit,

[27:28] I was glad to find it

[27:30] was only a partial piece of shit.

[27:32] I mean,

Elliott Kalan

[27:32] it's a turd,

[27:33] but it's like an old

[27:33] dried up turd

[27:34] you can just kick to the gutter

[27:35] in your shoe.

Dan McCoy

[27:36] As I said to the guys,

[27:38] I would watch it on a plane.

Elliott Kalan

[27:39] Yeah.

[27:40] It got the coveted

[27:41] Dan McCoy plane award.

[27:43] Yeah.

[27:44] Thank you.

S4

[27:49] Hey, MaxFun community.

[27:51] This is your friend,

[27:53] Elizabeth Gilbert,

[27:54] author of Eat, Pray, Love,

[27:55] and a bunch of other stuff.

[27:56] I am a long-time member,

[27:59] supporter,

[27:59] and devoted follower

[28:00] of Maximum Fun.

[28:01] And now, finally,

[28:02] I have my own podcast

[28:03] on the network.

[28:04] It's called Magic Lessons,

[28:05] and it is me coaching people

[28:07] through their creative issues

[28:08] and problems.

[28:09] This season,

[28:10] we have some amazing creators

[28:11] that we're helping

[28:12] through their joys and struggles

[28:14] of making something

[28:14] out of nothing.

[28:15] And then I bring in special guests

[28:17] like Glennon Doyle Melton,

[28:18] Brandon Stanton,

[28:19] Martha Beck,

[28:20] the poet Mark Nepo,

[28:21] Michael Ian Black,

[28:22] Sarah Jones,

[28:23] Gary Scheingart,

[28:24] these amazing friends of mine

[28:25] to come and help coach

[28:26] these people

[28:27] so that they can get

[28:27] their work done.

[28:28] I hope you'll tune into it.

[28:29] It's called Magic Lessons,

[28:31] and it's all about love.

Dan McCoy

[28:34] Hi, it's Dan,

[28:35] popping in on this live episode

[28:37] to give you a few words

[28:39] from our sponsors.

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[29:01] You should

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[29:05] This week,

[29:05] we're also sponsored

[29:06] by Blue Apron.

[29:08] For less than $10 per meal,

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[29:10] seasonal recipes

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[29:34] That's blueapron.com

[29:35] slash flophouse.

[29:38] And we have a special message

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[29:40] this week.

[29:41] And it should be

[29:42] of special interest

[29:43] to anyone in New York

[29:45] who is a fan

[29:46] of a MaxFun podcast.

[29:47] And it goes a little

[29:48] something like this.

[29:49] Are you in the NYC area

[29:51] and want to make

[29:51] new MaxFun loving friends?

[29:54] Go out on great adventures

[29:55] and get the most

[29:56] out of your city?

[29:58] MaxFunNYC

[29:58] is an unofficial

[29:59] fan group

[29:59] of like-minded geeks

[30:01] who do great stuff

[30:02] like a recent

[30:02] Hinterlands meetup

[30:03] and a Star Trek

[30:05] premiere screening

[30:05] with Greatest Gen's

[30:06] Ben Harrison.

[30:07] We've got a

[30:08] Prospect Park picnic

[30:09] planned on the 13th

[30:10] and one of our

[30:11] awesome karaoke nights

[30:12] on September 9th.

[30:14] I've been to these

[30:15] karaoke nights.

[30:16] I've had a great time.

[30:18] If you want to hear me

[30:19] sing some David Bowie,

[30:20] this is your chance

[30:21] to do it in the wild.

[30:23] So check out

[30:24] MaxFun.nyc

[30:26] for our full events

[30:27] calendar

[30:27] plus guides and articles

[30:29] from our members

[30:29] and join the conversation

[30:31] in the MaxFunNYC

[30:33] Facebook group.

[30:35] So that's all

[30:36] the house work

[30:37] for this week.

[30:39] Sorry to have to

[30:41] jump in on the live

[30:42] show like this,

[30:43] but now we take you

[30:45] back to the Bell House

[30:46] and our regular

[30:48] scheduled joke-em-ups.

[30:51] So, but we should

[30:53] move on now to

[30:54] taking some questions

[30:55] from the audience.

[30:56] Okay.

[30:57] Elliot, I think you

[30:59] should give your

[30:59] traditional speech

[31:01] to the question.

[31:03] Oh, sure.

Elliott Kalan

[31:05] This is something

[31:05] that I'm going to

[31:06] tell everybody

[31:07] to save us some time

[31:08] and surus,

[31:10] as you might say,

[31:10] if you were Ben Grimm's

[31:11] family,

[31:12] which is a lot of times

[31:14] at these types of Q&As,

[31:16] people tend to run

[31:17] off at the mouth,

[31:18] say things nobody

[31:19] cares about,

[31:20] try to impress us.

[31:23] Here's what I would say.

[31:24] As you're walking

[31:25] up to the microphone,

[31:26] think to yourself

[31:26] in your head,

[31:27] if somebody who is not

[31:28] me was asking

[31:29] this question,

[31:30] would I care?

[31:32] And if the answer

[31:34] is no,

[31:35] then please think

[31:36] of another question.

[31:39] So is that,

[31:39] was that,

[31:40] that wasn't too harsh,

[31:40] right?

[31:41] That's it.

[31:41] That's perfect.

[31:41] Okay.

[31:42] Oh, and also,

[31:42] here's a song

[31:43] about questions.

[31:45] Here's a song

[31:47] just about questions,

[31:49] not letters this time.

[31:51] Print is dead.

[31:54] Snail mail.

[31:55] Fail.

[31:56] It's all about

[31:57] the oral tradition.

[31:59] Talking out loud.

[32:01] Asking a crowd

[32:02] to ask us questions

[32:03] from them

[32:04] to us

[32:05] from you.

[32:07] Plural.

[32:10] Thank you.

[32:12] Wow, that was pretty quick.

[32:13] That was, yeah.

[32:14] Come on,

[32:15] there's another show

[32:15] after this,

[32:16] so I can't sing

Dan McCoy

[32:17] as long as usual.

[32:19] All right.

[32:21] Step right up.

[32:21] No.

[32:25] No, you don't understand

[32:27] how this works.

[32:27] They asked me something.

[32:29] Okay, so our first question.

[32:31] Thank you.

[32:31] Adam, last name withheld.

[32:33] Hey, Adam.

[32:33] Hey.

[32:35] Adam Carolla, everybody.

[32:36] This is a podcast.

[32:38] Please call me Ace.

[32:41] I,

[32:41] why didn't that get a boob?

[32:43] Anyway,

[32:43] I would like,

[32:44] I would have a request

[32:45] and a question.

[32:47] A requestion.

[32:48] Yes.

[32:49] Trademark.

[32:49] Copyright.

[32:50] Mail it to yourself.

[32:54] I have in my hands

[32:55] a copy of one

[32:55] Flash Gordon holiday special.

[32:57] Oh.

[32:58] And I have signatures

[33:00] from both Stuart and Dan.

[33:02] Elliot,

[33:03] would you complete

[33:03] this trifecta?

Elliott Kalan

[33:04] I will.

[33:05] I'll tell you what.

[33:06] Give it to me

[33:06] and I'll sign it now

[33:07] and then those guys

[33:08] can answer whatever.

[33:08] Is that the only question?

[33:10] No.

[33:10] Okay, then they can answer the question.

Dan McCoy

[33:11] But yeah, we'll do it.

[33:12] Yay.

[33:13] That was neat.

[33:13] Thank you.

[33:15] And my question is this.

Stuart Wellington

[33:17] That's a comic book we wrote,

[33:18] not just a random comic book

[33:19] you're reciting.

Dan McCoy

[33:22] I read actually somewhere

[33:24] that you guys were looking

[33:24] into developing the Flap House

[33:26] as a television program.

[33:28] That was once.

[33:29] You've been reading

[33:29] Dan's dream journals?

[33:33] I'd say we're looking into it

[33:35] in that we would accept

[33:37] anyone who's interested

[33:38] in doing it.

[33:39] Let him finish his question, Dan.

[33:41] Well, no.

[33:42] I'm just kind of wondering

[33:43] how that would play out.

[33:44] Would this be recast

[33:45] like when they turned

[33:45] Uncle Buck into a TV show

[33:47] and John Candy

[33:48] was a Kevin Meany type

[33:49] all of a sudden?

[33:52] Oh, no.

[33:55] Oh, mic problems.

[33:57] Why don't you,

[33:58] with Stuart...

[33:58] I'll just say,

Elliott Kalan

[33:59] the Flap House motto is,

[34:01] what would the TV version

[34:02] of Uncle Buck do?

Dan McCoy

[34:06] I was going to...

Stuart Wellington

[34:07] Yeah.

[34:08] Turn the mirror on yourself

[34:10] and ask...

Dan McCoy

[34:11] It's too bad Elliot's mic

[34:12] isn't working

[34:13] because I feel like

[34:14] he has the most thoughts

[34:15] as like the most TV person

[34:18] of all of us

[34:19] as to what would be...

[34:21] It's working again.

[34:22] Yay.

[34:23] Thank you.

Elliott Kalan

[34:23] Yay.

[34:25] Thank you very much.

[34:26] That was an act of Jesus.

[34:28] Jesus,

[34:28] our technical guy tonight.

[34:33] I mean,

[34:33] I don't want to give away

[34:34] any trade secrets.

Elliott Kalan

[34:34] What do you think?

[34:34] Like an old-timey

[34:35] variety show?

[34:36] Here's how it would probably go.

[34:37] We are all sharing an apartment.

[34:39] Okay.

[34:39] Yeah.

[34:41] Two of us are busty babes.

[34:44] But we haven't figured out

[34:45] which two.

[34:47] So we're still working on it.

[34:48] Oh, thank you.

[34:50] Yeah.

[34:51] Wait, thank you, I guess.

Dan McCoy

[34:53] It would have something

[34:54] about making fun of bad movies.

[34:56] Yeah.

[34:58] I hope that answers your question.

Elliott Kalan

[35:01] Does indeed.

[35:02] Thank you.

Dan McCoy

[35:03] Thanks for coming.

[35:04] And we're switching up

[35:06] people at the microphone.

[35:07] It's a tight fit.

[35:09] Sorry about that.

[35:09] So we're all going to be

[35:11] really upset when

[35:12] Mad Max doesn't win

[35:13] all of the Oscars?

[35:15] Don't you say that.

Stuart Wellington

[35:18] But besides Mad Max,

[35:20] what do you think

[35:21] are the biggest Oscar snubs?

[35:24] Easy.

[35:25] Richard Jenkins

[35:26] should have been nominated

[35:27] for Best Supporting Actor

[35:28] for Bone Tomahawk.

[35:30] He's great in that.

[35:31] I can see that.

[35:32] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[35:34] So we're doing some

[35:34] snubs and flubs here.

[35:35] I don't.

[35:36] Yeah, you have one

[35:37] like locked and loaded.

[35:38] I don't.

Stuart Wellington

[35:40] I don't give a,

[35:41] I don't really care about.

Elliott Kalan

[35:42] Yeah, poor showing this year

[35:43] from non-white people.

[35:44] Come on.

Dan McCoy

[35:45] Step it up,

[35:46] non-white actors.

Elliott Kalan

[35:48] Wow.

[35:48] Because according to the Academy,

[35:50] Good night, everyone.

[35:55] I'm just saying

[35:56] what Academy voters

[35:57] are thinking.

Dan McCoy

[36:00] I actually didn't.

[36:01] I don't really have

[36:01] strong feelings

[36:02] about the Oscars this year

[36:03] because I didn't really have

[36:04] like a lot of strong feelings

[36:05] about movies this year.

[36:08] Aside from Mad Max,

[36:08] I also saw very few movies this year.

[36:09] It was a pretty blay.

Elliott Kalan

[36:10] Like I didn't see a lot

[36:11] of the nominees yet.

Dan McCoy

[36:13] I liked Ex Machina a lot

[36:15] and I did like,

[36:17] Alicia Vikander,

[36:18] got a nomination

[36:18] for another movie.

[36:20] Is that right?

[36:20] Am I right about that?

[36:22] Danish Girl.

[36:23] But she should have gotten

[36:24] a nomination for Ex Machina,

[36:25] I think.

[36:25] So that's what I say about that.

Elliott Kalan

[36:28] I don't, I don't,

[36:30] That's, I don't know.

[36:31] I got nothing.

[36:31] I got no answer to that.

Dan McCoy

[36:34] So I guess that's it.

[36:35] I hope that answered

[36:35] your question.

Stuart Wellington

[36:36] We made a lot of enemies

[36:38] just now.

[36:38] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[36:40] Hey, Peaches.

[36:42] Hey.

[36:43] Josh Weiss,

[36:43] punctuation withheld.

[36:46] Clever.

[36:47] My question is,

[36:48] the Institute seems to be

[36:49] some kind of either

[36:50] magnet high school

[36:51] or possibly,

[36:53] I'm guessing,

[36:54] unaccredited university.

[36:54] In the Fantastic Four movie

[36:56] you're talking about?

[36:56] Yeah.

[36:56] Okay, not in real life.

[36:58] No.

[36:59] Like you're not asking us

Elliott Kalan

[37:00] if you should apply.

[37:02] Not anymore.

[37:03] Oh, okay.

Dan McCoy

[37:05] But my question is,

[37:07] is that Victor Von Doom

[37:08] apparently dropped out.

[37:10] So when did he get his doctorate?

Elliott Kalan

[37:15] It's a good question.

[37:16] It's a good question.

[37:17] It was probably when he was

Stuart Wellington

[37:18] on that alien planet.

[37:19] Yeah, he went to the

[37:19] University of Alien Planet.

Elliott Kalan

[37:23] Yeah.

[37:23] Well, this is something

[37:24] I believe I handled

[37:26] in the story I was talking about

[37:27] where they were at

[37:28] their college reunion

[37:29] where Reed Richards says

[37:32] to Victor Von Doom,

[37:33] but you were kicked out

[37:34] of the university.

[37:35] And Dr. Doom says something

[37:36] about how they let him

[37:37] finish his degree online.

[37:39] So he probably just did that.

Dan McCoy

[37:42] This also brings to mind

[37:43] Von Doom,

[37:45] after being on the planet

[37:46] in the movie for a while,

[37:48] shows back up

[37:49] with a cape and cowl

[37:50] for some reason.

Elliott Kalan

[37:51] It's got like a green,

[37:52] it's a green cloak.

[37:54] It's like just a torn piece

[37:55] of green fabric

[37:56] that he's fashioned

[37:57] into a cloak.

[37:58] But I don't know

[37:58] where he got it.

[37:59] Yeah, just because it,

Dan McCoy

[37:59] just because it looks

[38:00] cool and evil.

[38:02] Like, the planet

[38:03] I guess applied.

[38:04] He's like,

[38:04] you're a villain now.

[38:05] Here you go.

Elliott Kalan

[38:06] He found one bolt

[38:08] of green cloth

[38:09] on the planet.

Dan McCoy

[38:10] Please.

[38:11] Hi.

Elliott Kalan

[38:13] Anne-Marie,

[38:13] last name with how

[38:14] the boy's gone.

[38:16] So,

[38:17] if you could take

S5

[38:19] one popular movie

[38:21] and prevent anyone

[38:22] from being able

[38:23] to quote it

[38:24] excessively ever,

[38:25] which one would you pick?

Elliott Kalan

[38:27] And stop people

[38:28] from quoting it forever?

Dan McCoy

[38:29] What movie quote

[38:31] could we keep people

[38:32] from saying?

[38:33] Oh man,

[38:34] there's so many.

[38:34] Ever again.

Elliott Kalan

[38:36] I don't know,

[38:36] I've come around

[38:37] on my wife.

[38:40] Now I think

[38:41] it's hilariously stupid

[38:42] that anyone would bother.

[38:45] No,

[38:45] that's not true.

[38:45] But,

Stuart Wellington

[38:46] jeez.

[38:47] What about your favorite movie,

[38:48] Candy Shack, Elliot?

[38:50] Or Animal House.

[38:52] I feel like this all like...

Elliott Kalan

[38:52] That's more,

[38:53] my problem with that

[38:54] is more that people

[38:55] used to come,

[38:55] this doesn't happen

[38:56] in a while,

[38:57] and I want to credit

[38:58] internet film culture

[38:59] for that.

[39:00] But what used to happen

[39:00] to me all the time

[39:01] is I'd meet people

[39:01] and be like,

[39:02] oh,

[39:02] you're a film guy,

[39:02] right?

[39:03] Oh,

[39:04] so I got that

[39:04] going for me.

[39:06] Caddy Shack.

[39:07] Like,

[39:08] if I'm a film buff,

[39:09] I must know

[39:10] every line from

[39:10] Caddy Shack.

[39:12] And it was

[39:13] always Caddy Shack.

[39:14] And I don't know

[39:14] why that was the movie

[39:16] that for some reason

[39:17] was the test

[39:17] of whether you

[39:18] were a true cineast.

Stuart Wellington

[39:19] I love their confidence

[39:20] that their impersonation

[39:22] of Bill Murray

[39:24] was going to be so good

[39:25] that you were immediately

[39:26] going to recognize it.

Elliott Kalan

[39:27] But also like,

[39:28] okay,

[39:29] Caddy Shack,

[39:29] great,

[39:30] what do I care?

[39:30] It's not a show.

Dan McCoy

[39:32] I feel like the thing

[39:33] about this is like,

[39:33] it all comes in waves.

[39:35] Like,

[39:35] they're just waves

[39:36] of like,

[39:37] there's a movie

[39:37] that all the assholes

[39:39] are going to quote

[39:40] for a while.

Elliott Kalan

[39:40] Very few people say,

[39:42] do I make you horny?

[39:43] Yeah,

[39:43] exactly.

[39:45] It was a time

[39:46] when it was inescapable.

[39:47] Teachers were saying it.

[39:48] Exactly.

[39:49] To me,

[39:50] oh God.

[39:52] Now I know

[39:53] what was happening.

Dan McCoy

[39:54] Yeah,

[39:54] but for a while

[39:55] it was Austin Powers

[39:56] and then there was

[39:56] Borat,

[39:57] obviously,

[39:57] as referenced.

[39:58] But even going back,

[40:00] I feel like growing up.

Elliott Kalan

[40:01] There was that time

[40:02] when everyone

[40:02] was quoting the prestige.

[40:06] What I had to say

[40:07] wasn't worded.

[40:08] No,

[40:08] no,

[40:08] say what we just say.

Dan McCoy

[40:09] No,

[40:09] I'm just like,

[40:10] when I was growing up,

[40:11] it goes back to something like,

[40:12] I feel like there's a time

[40:13] where all the assholes

[40:14] quoted Fletch,

[40:15] you know?

[40:16] Yeah,

Dan McCoy

[40:16] yeah.

[40:17] But then like,

[40:18] as you say,

[40:19] Jimmy Chase,

[40:19] chief among them.

[40:23] But time passes

[40:24] and then it becomes

[40:25] like nostalgic

[40:25] to hear someone

[40:26] do a shitty quote.

[40:28] So I don't really care,

[40:29] I guess is the answer

[40:30] to that question.

[40:30] So the answer,

Stuart Wellington

[40:31] Stuart,

[40:31] do you have an answer?

[40:32] No,

[40:33] I think all movie quotes

[40:34] are great and hilarious.

[40:35] Please keep doing them.

[40:36] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[40:38] Please.

[40:39] Hi,

[40:39] my name is Eric,

[40:40] last name withheld,

[40:40] and I work in finance

[40:42] and all the assholes

[40:42] still quote Fletch.

[40:44] Right.

[40:46] But my question,

[40:47] but yeah,

[40:48] my question for you

[40:49] was actually,

[40:50] what movie that came out

[40:51] while you were doing the show

[40:53] do you wish you could have done

[40:54] an episode about the plot plot bomb

[40:56] but just never got around to

[40:57] or never did it?

[40:58] Was there a movie you're like,

[40:59] we should have done this

[41:00] and then it just didn't happen?

Elliott Kalan

[41:01] I feel like there's a bunch of them

[41:02] but they're not coming to mind

Dan McCoy

[41:03] so hard to remember.

Stuart Wellington

[41:04] I'm so happy we didn't have to do

[41:06] Bucky Larson.

[41:07] Oh,

[41:08] yeah.

[41:08] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[41:10] I think that like there was a time

[41:12] where it was like,

[41:13] there was a threat

[41:14] that we were going to do the cobbler.

[41:15] I think that might have passed

[41:17] at this point.

[41:17] Which one?

[41:18] The cobbler,

[41:19] the Adam Sandler movie.

Elliott Kalan

[41:20] He puts on magic shoes

[41:21] every couple of minutes.

[41:21] I thought you said the cowboy.

Dan McCoy

[41:22] It may still come up.

[41:23] We'll probably do it

Elliott Kalan

[41:24] for sad timber

[41:25] when we just do sad Adam Sandler movies.

[41:27] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[41:30] There's definitely been stuff though

[41:31] that I'm just like,

[41:32] oh man.

[41:34] And then I realized

[41:34] that I'm getting sad

[41:35] about like not watching

[41:36] a terrible movie

[41:37] and I feel okay.

Elliott Kalan

[41:39] I didn't have to spend

[41:40] an hour and 40 minutes

[41:41] watching that crap.

Dan McCoy

[41:42] Oh man.

[41:43] Yeah.

[41:44] So I hope that that's

[41:45] enough of an answer.

[41:46] Yeah.

[41:46] Thank you for your time.

[41:49] Hello.

S5

[41:50] Hi.

[41:50] My name is Corinne.

[41:51] Last name with Hal

[41:52] and I apologize for asking

[41:53] questions two nights in a row

[41:55] but you guys are awesome.

[41:57] So I have two questions.

[41:59] The first one's really short.

[42:00] So the first one is,

[42:02] how are you guys doing today,

[42:03] Dan and Stuart?

Elliott Kalan

[42:04] I'm okay.

[42:04] I'm fine.

[42:05] How are you doing?

S5

[42:06] Hope this morning

[42:07] wasn't too rough.

Elliott Kalan

[42:08] I mean,

[42:08] they were out late.

[42:09] I have a cold.

[42:10] Don't ask me.

[42:11] The reason we're being single.

[42:12] Normally Elliot would be

Stuart Wellington

[42:13] snorting lines off of

[42:15] the reason we're being single.

[42:16] I mean,

Elliott Kalan

[42:16] my body is literally

[42:17] in a life or death struggle

[42:18] with pathogens.

[42:19] You know,

[42:20] that's okay.

Dan McCoy

[42:20] But Elliot being a

[42:21] I trust your immune system.

[42:23] Elliot being a family man

[42:24] went right home

[42:25] after the show.

[42:26] I mean,

[42:26] he hung around for a while

[42:27] but he went right home.

Elliott Kalan

[42:27] I went right home

[42:28] in that I ended up

[42:29] on a street corner

[42:29] talking to my brother

[42:30] for like 30 minutes.

[42:31] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[42:32] But Stu and I

[42:34] were at the bar.

[42:35] Wow.

[42:36] Harsh boo

[42:36] for David Kalin.

[42:40] Stuart and I

[42:40] were at the bar late.

[42:41] That's why Elliot

[42:42] was left out of that concern.

[42:43] Yeah.

[42:44] But we're fine.

[42:45] Thank you for asking.

S5

[42:46] My second question

[42:48] which is slightly less short

[42:49] is

[42:49] so

[42:51] other than

[42:52] telling the same jokes

[42:54] to the same people

[42:55] two nights in a row

[42:56] how do you tell

[42:57] when you have a good joke?

Dan McCoy

[42:59] How do you tell

[43:00] when you have a good joke?

S5

[43:01] And I apologize

[43:01] for my obnoxious laugh

[43:03] on both nights

[43:04] of the recording.

[43:05] That's all right.

Elliott Kalan

[43:05] I thought it was lovely.

[43:07] Which was her laugh?

[43:10] Oh, there it is.

[43:11] Oh, okay.

[43:11] That's it.

[43:13] I still like it.

Stuart Wellington

[43:15] I still like it.

[43:16] I'm mortalized.

[43:18] So professional comedy guys

[43:19] how do you know?

Elliott Kalan

[43:20] Oh, when you know

[43:21] you just know.

[43:23] No, that's

[43:23] I mean

[43:23] I think that you do.

[43:24] I think that

[43:25] if you think

[43:25] well the thing is

[43:26] you think the thing is funny

[43:28] and then when you tell

[43:29] to someone else

[43:30] and they laugh

[43:30] that's good backup

[43:31] because it's very often

[43:32] that I think something's funny

[43:34] and nobody else does.

[43:37] But also often

[43:38] I'll say something

[43:39] that I think is funny

[43:39] and people laugh at it.

[43:40] So it's like

[43:40] I got a pretty good hit rate

[43:42] I guess.

Stuart Wellington

[43:43] Yeah.

[43:43] I think one of the good things

[43:44] about doing

[43:45] well doing a podcast

[43:47] you don't necessarily know

[43:47] how the audience

[43:48] is going to feel

[43:49] but I feel like

[43:50] when we do it

[43:50] we're just trying

[43:51] to make each other laugh

[43:52] and I guess

[43:52] that's a good barometer.

Elliott Kalan

[43:53] If you guys

[43:54] either laugh

[43:55] or get irritated with me

[43:56] I know that I want to suck.

[43:57] I did it.

Dan McCoy

[43:59] And it's a lot more fun

[44:00] to make each other laugh

[44:01] than to quote

[44:02] write a joke too

[44:03] because like Elliot and I

[44:05] Anything is more fun

[44:06] than work.

[44:06] Yeah, I know

[44:07] but like as Elliot and I

[44:10] like I think

[44:10] have experienced

[44:11] you know

[44:11] when you're working

[44:12] as a comedy writer

[44:13] like comedy writers

[44:14] don't laugh

[44:15] at each other's jokes

[44:15] they just sort of

[44:16] nod and say

[44:17] that's funny.

Elliott Kalan

[44:19] I mean

[44:20] maybe sometimes.

Dan McCoy

[44:21] No, but when we laugh

[44:23] it's just

[44:23] we're digging around

[44:25] like that's what makes us laugh.

[44:26] No, not hostile at all.

[44:27] It's just

Elliott Kalan

[44:28] it's not like we're

[44:29] refusing to laugh

[44:29] it's just like

[44:30] yes, I see what you did there

[44:31] very nice.

[44:32] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[44:34] Please.

[44:34] Sorry.

S6

[44:36] Jen.

[44:36] Hello.

[44:37] Last name Grillie

[44:38] because I don't care

[44:38] if you know.

[44:40] We got a rebel here guys.

[44:43] Security.

[44:45] We all know

[44:46] that the flop house cat

[44:47] is the Carrie

[44:48] of the show.

[44:49] Sure.

[44:50] She like doesn't

[44:50] add a lot of content

[44:51] but is the main character

[44:52] obviously.

[44:53] So who is the Miranda

[44:54] the Charlotte

[44:55] and the Samantha

[44:56] and why?

Elliott Kalan

[44:58] Oh.

[44:59] Well Stuart

[44:59] I feel like

[45:00] This one's for the ladies

[45:01] because they know

[45:01] what I'm talking about.

[45:02] I mean Stuart

[45:02] has to be the Samantha

[45:03] right?

Stuart Wellington

[45:05] What?

[45:05] Give me some defining

[45:06] characteristics of Samantha

[45:07] before I

Elliott Kalan

[45:09] gotta know

[45:09] what I'm agreeing to.

Stuart Wellington

[45:11] She's the super slut

[45:12] party animal.

[45:13] Oh perfect.

[45:14] Okay.

[45:14] I guess that's me

[45:15] to a T.

Elliott Kalan

[45:17] But then

[45:18] I would

[45:19] well here's the thing

[45:20] either Dan or I

Dan McCoy

[45:21] could be Charlotte

[45:22] or Miranda

[45:23] because we both

Elliott Kalan

[45:24] have our innocent sides

[45:25] and we also both

[45:26] have our

[45:26] sides.

[45:28] I don't know

[45:29] what that means.

[45:29] Very easily irritable.

[45:31] Translates well

[45:32] to the podcast.

[45:32] Here's my problem.

[45:34] Samantha should be

[45:35] called Miranda

[45:35] and Miranda

[45:36] should be called

[45:37] Samantha.

[45:38] Their names

[45:38] do not fit

[45:39] their characters.

[45:41] Charlotte

[45:41] your name continues.

[45:42] Call up

Dan McCoy

[45:43] what's his face

[45:44] who did

[45:45] like call him up

[45:46] in the time

[45:47] the time phone

[45:48] and tell him

[45:48] use the time phone

[45:49] and call up

[45:49] what's his face.

[45:53] just like the old

[45:55] saying goes

[45:57] to call

[45:58] what's his face.

[46:00] Thanks for the

[46:01] question.

[46:03] Please.

[46:05] Hi.

Elliott Kalan

[46:05] My name is

[46:06] Allison.

[46:07] Hi Allison.

[46:08] I'm sorry Elliot

[46:09] but I do have to say

[46:10] very quick

[46:10] I'm an Earlham grad

[46:11] so go Quakers.

[46:13] Sure.

[46:14] Yeah.

[46:14] Hey.

[46:15] Great school.

[46:15] Here's two fine

[46:16] alums right here

[46:17] and also one there.

[46:19] Thank you.

[46:20] I was too busy

[46:20] going to school

[46:21] in a big city.

[46:22] You know?

Dan McCoy

[46:24] No it's true.

[46:25] It's a good burn.

Elliott Kalan

[46:29] Like every old school

[46:30] I understand

[46:31] but so my question is

[46:33] if Seinfeld

[46:33] were to date you

[46:35] what would be

[46:36] your reason

[46:36] that he had

[46:37] to break up

[46:38] with you?

[46:38] Oh.

[46:44] Wow.

[46:44] The audience

[46:45] loves that.

[46:47] Mine would be

[46:48] that I would always

[46:48] be correcting him

[46:49] on things

[46:50] that didn't really

[46:50] matter

[46:51] and then I do it

[46:53] in front of his friends

[46:54] and he gets really mad

[46:55] and he can't quite

[46:56] explain why he's mad

[46:57] so we break up.

[46:59] That's a solid

[47:00] Seinfeld plot line.

[47:01] Yeah.

[47:03] Why don't you

[47:04] and call him

[47:05] what's his face?

[47:06] What's his name?

[47:07] I've got two comments

[47:08] for you.

[47:08] One is about

[47:09] sex in the city

[47:09] one is about Seinfeld

[47:11] so I hope you worked

[47:11] on both.

Stuart Wellington

[47:13] I'd say

[47:14] every time

[47:15] Jerry and I

[47:16] would go out

[47:16] we'd go out

[47:17] to restaurants

[47:18] and he would always

[47:19] have problems

[47:19] with the service

[47:20] or they'd send him

[47:21] the wrong meal

[47:21] or whatever

[47:22] and I would always

[47:23] be too blase

[47:24] about it

[47:25] like oh just

[47:26] don't worry about it

[47:26] eat the food

[47:27] you don't like

[47:27] and he would not

[47:28] like that at all.

Elliott Kalan

[47:28] And then you tell

[47:29] him to tip big

[47:30] even if the service

[47:31] wasn't great.

[47:32] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[47:32] Yeah.

[47:32] So it's not as good

[47:34] of an episode

[47:34] but that's okay.

Dan McCoy

[47:35] No that's still

[47:35] a good episode

[47:36] that's a solid episode.

[47:37] It's got to be

[47:37] something small

[47:39] and irritating

[47:39] so right

[47:40] so I think

Elliott Kalan

[47:41] I mean it could be

[47:42] something huge

[47:42] like maybe

[47:43] you're like

[47:43] it turns out

[47:44] you're a

[47:44] no no no

Dan McCoy

[47:45] the whole point

[47:47] is like you know

[47:48] he's an asshole

[47:48] right?

[47:49] That's for sweet sweet.

Elliott Kalan

[47:50] That's one interesting

[47:51] reading of Seinfeld.

Dan McCoy

[47:55] Maybe that like

[47:56] sometimes I can't

[47:57] be bothered

[47:58] I'm too lazy

[47:58] to take socks off

[47:59] before sex

[48:00] I think that would be

[48:01] that would probably

[48:06] be what he'd

[48:06] break me up

[48:06] before.

[48:07] Well that it's

[48:08] laziness

Stuart Wellington

[48:08] and not like

[48:09] a fashion statement.

Elliott Kalan

[48:11] look I bought

[48:12] these nice socks

[48:13] and then I can

[48:14] already see the scenery

[48:14] he's complaining

[48:15] that Lane

[48:15] he's like

[48:16] they're socks

[48:16] how hard is it

[48:17] to take them off?

[48:18] They slip right off.

[48:22] So that's a good one.

[48:23] That's a good one.

[48:25] We've got our

[48:25] spec script everybody.

[48:27] Please.

Dan McCoy

[48:28] Hi Matt

[48:29] last name with Hild.

[48:31] I had a great question

[48:32] about sex with socks on

[48:33] but you guys ruined that.

[48:34] Oh sorry.

[48:35] Sorry.

[48:35] My question is from the movie

[48:37] what do you think

[48:37] the age range was

[48:38] for that science fair?

[48:40] Because I could not

[48:40] wrap my brain around it

[48:41] when I was watching it.

Elliott Kalan

[48:42] It seems to be

[48:43] one to a hundred and one.

[48:46] Yeah it's like

[48:46] the game Sorry.

[48:49] His booth is literally

[48:50] next to a little kid's booth

[48:51] whose presentation

[48:52] seems to be like

[48:54] I have a toy plane.

[48:57] I don't know what

Stuart Wellington

[48:59] what award he was going for.

[49:01] And he fails a science project

[49:02] because it's not science

[49:04] but what's that plane science?

[49:05] Is it just the science

[49:06] of having a plane?

Elliott Kalan

[49:07] I like that maybe it's

[49:08] economics as like

[49:10] a soft science

[49:11] like you had to buy it.

Dan McCoy

[49:15] Yeah.

[49:16] I guess we're moving on.

[49:19] Hi guys.

[49:20] Craig last name with Hild.

[49:22] So most of your movies

[49:24] end up being bad bad movies

[49:26] and it seems like

[49:26] the main reason is

[49:27] that they're just boring.

[49:29] So how is it possible

[49:31] that a multi-billion dollar industry

[49:33] is consistently churning out

[49:34] stories that are boring?

[49:36] Is it

[49:36] they're just enamored

[49:39] that they think

[49:40] people are addicted

[49:40] to explosions

[49:41] and awesomeness

[49:42] and they don't care

[49:42] about character development

[49:43] and story or what?

Elliott Kalan

[49:44] That's part of it.

[49:45] I mean my serious answer

[49:46] to that would be

[49:46] fear of risk.

[49:47] Yeah I think

Dan McCoy

[49:48] the answer to the question

[49:49] is in the question.

[49:50] The fact that it's

[49:51] a multi-billion dollar.

Elliott Kalan

[49:54] Did that blow your mind?

[49:55] It did.

[49:57] Are you Von Doom?

[49:58] You just blew my mind up.

Dan McCoy

[50:00] No but the fact

[50:00] that they're spending

[50:01] there's such a big investment

[50:03] that they're risk averse.

Elliott Kalan

[50:04] They have to go

[50:06] to the widest possible audience

[50:07] because they've spent

[50:08] a hundred and some odd million

[50:10] like two hundred million dollars

[50:11] on it

[50:11] and so they

[50:13] they kind of don't want

[50:14] to risk any of that money.

Stuart Wellington

[50:16] And clearly the ones

[50:17] we like the most

[50:18] are the ones

[50:18] that are on the smallest budget

[50:20] are the biggest passion project

[50:21] and thus we feel

[50:22] the most bad

[50:23] when we make fun of them.

Elliott Kalan

[50:24] But those are the craziest ones.

[50:27] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[50:28] What?

[50:29] I thought I heard

[50:30] someone yell something.

Elliott Kalan

[50:36] Hi.

[50:36] Ryan.

[50:37] Last name withheld.

[50:39] So I like to interact a lot

[50:41] with my favorite podcasts.

[50:45] Sounds like a threat.

[50:47] Okay.

[50:47] Hold on.

Dan McCoy

[50:48] That is not a creepy way

[50:51] of putting it.

Elliott Kalan

[50:53] Which

[50:53] which type of

[50:55] law and order

[50:56] are we now the victims?

[50:58] And my question is

[50:59] how often

[51:01] is too often

[51:02] to like tweet

[51:03] at you guys

[51:03] like every time

[51:04] I'm at Popeyes

[51:05] every time I watch

[51:06] Castle Freak

[51:07] every time my cat

[51:08] knocks something

[51:09] off the table

[51:09] and I mournfully

[51:10] sigh at them.

Stuart Wellington

[51:13] I mean

[51:13] What's the Twitter etiquette

[51:14] of interacting

[51:15] with podcasters?

[51:16] Twetiquette.

Dan McCoy

[51:19] I don't

[51:20] you know

[51:20] I mean

[51:20] if it's something

[51:21] like heartfelt

[51:22] and personal

[51:22] I don't mind at all

[51:23] or if it's just

[51:24] something silly

[51:25] I did mention

[51:27] last night

[51:27] that we've got

[51:29] something like

[51:30] 80 different

[51:31] notifications

[51:32] that there was

[51:32] a Tales from the Crypt

[51:33] M. Night Shyamalan

[51:34] reboot

[51:35] and so

[51:36] if it's been

[51:37] widely reported

[51:37] in the news

[51:38] I think you can assume

[51:39] that we've seen it already

Stuart Wellington

[51:41] or we will

[51:42] very soon.

Dan McCoy

[51:43] Yeah but otherwise

[51:44] I don't think

[51:45] Yeah you guys are

Stuart Wellington

[51:45] Hollywood movers

[51:46] and shakers.

Dan McCoy

[51:47] I mean tweeting

[51:48] is literally

[51:49] like the least

[51:49] intrusive form

[51:50] of interaction

[51:51] there could be

Elliott Kalan

[51:51] Maybe if you think

[51:53] to yourself

[51:53] am I doing this

[51:54] too much

[51:54] you may be

[51:55] but

[51:56] who knows

[51:57] I do that about

[51:58] everything all the time

[51:59] so

[51:59] Then I don't know

[52:01] but it's a

[52:01] you gotta feel it out

[52:03] yourself

[52:03] look inside you

[52:05] Gents

S5

[52:07] Lewis

[52:07] last name

[52:08] proudly Krieger

[52:09] I would like to

[52:12] listen to the door

[52:13] if I can

[52:14] in Radio Zork

[52:15] Listen to the door

[52:16] Okay that was a choice

[52:17] that was offered

[52:18] yesterday

[52:18] I was not here

[52:21] but I have friends

[52:21] who would

[52:22] but I'd like to put

[52:22] my ear against the door

Elliott Kalan

[52:23] Okay that was good

[52:24] choice was to

[52:25] put the ear against

[52:26] the door to listen

[52:27] You place your ear

[52:29] against the door

[52:30] hoping

[52:30] to catch some sound

[52:32] that might help you

[52:33] to catch the attention

[52:34] of the occupants

[52:35] inside

[52:36] You do not hear anything

[52:38] Do you A

[52:40] pull your ear

[52:41] from the door

[52:42] B

[52:42] knock again

[52:44] or C

[52:46] try the knob

[52:47] Tune in next week

[52:49] we'll have another choice

Dan McCoy

[52:50] on next week's

[52:54] Radio Zork

[52:54] On that note

[52:57] we should wrap it up

[52:58] because there is

[52:59] another event

[53:01] in here after us

[53:01] so

[53:02] I would just like to

[53:03] thank everyone

[53:04] who came out

[53:05] last night

[53:07] tonight

[53:08] both nights

[53:10] in some cases

[53:11] There are people

Elliott Kalan

[53:11] who came in

[53:12] from out of town

[53:13] out of state

Dan McCoy

[53:14] out of this world

[53:16] Thank you to the

[53:17] Bell House

[53:18] for being so nice

[53:19] to us

[53:20] Thank you to Matt

[53:22] and Jesus in the booth

[53:23] literally Jesus in the booth

[53:26] as our co-pilot

[53:28] for the Flop House

[53:30] for the Flop House

[53:30] I've been Dan McCoy

[53:31] I've been Stuart Wellington

Elliott Kalan

[53:33] and I continue to be

[53:34] Elliot Kalin

[53:35] Good night everyone

[53:37] Good night everyone

Elliott Kalan

[53:37] In three

Dan McCoy

[53:49] two

[53:51] tonight we want

[53:54] sorry

[53:54] I ruined it already

[53:55] I ruined it already

[53:57] That's the one

[53:58] done in one

[53:59] Did we get that Matt?

Elliott Kalan

[54:04] Did we get that?

[54:04] That's why they call him

[54:05] One Mess Up McCoy

[54:07] He only needs one take

[54:09] to shit the bed

[54:10] Let's try it over again

[54:13] Maybe countdown

[54:15] from a higher number

[54:17] Because it seemed like

[54:18] it took you by surprise

[54:19] when you hit the end

[54:20] of that countdown

Dan McCoy

[54:20] My brain needed to catch up

[54:21] with what was going on

[54:22] Yeah

[54:23] Alright here we go

[54:25] Hey everyone

[54:26] and welcome to the Flop House

[54:28] Puberty!

Elliott Kalan

[54:36] Why haven't you come for me?

[54:37] It's rare

[54:38] It's rare that

[54:39] when you witness

[54:39] a man with a full beard

[54:40] just start puberty

Dan McCoy

[54:41] Oh boy

[54:45] I was up late last night

[54:48] at a bar

[54:49] Alright

[54:51] One more time

[55:07] Maximumfun.org

[55:10] Comedy and culture

[55:11] Artist owned

[55:12] Listener supported

[55:13] Hello

Stuart Wellington

[55:15] This month's

[55:16] Beef and Dairy Network

[55:17] podcast is an

[55:17] Olympic special

[55:18] recorded here

[55:19] on Ipanema Beach

[55:20] in Rio de Janeiro

[55:21] We'll be tackling

[55:23] all the big issues

[55:23] Should athletes be

[55:25] allowed to eat lamb?

[55:26] Should Olympic equestrian

[55:27] riders be able to

[55:27] ride on a cow?

[55:28] All these questions

[55:29] and more

[55:30] answered in this month's

[55:31] Beef and Dairy Network

[55:32] Olympic special

[55:33] Find us at

[55:34] Maximumfun.org

[55:35] or wherever you get

[55:36] your podcasts from

Ep.# 210 - Fantastic Four LIVE

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