Ep.# 210 - Fantastic Four LIVE

[0:00] On this episode, we watched Fantastic Four.

[0:04] The sequel to Fantastic Three.

[0:07] And the prequel to Fantastic Ten.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:37] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:38] Hey, Dan McCoy.

[0:39] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:40] Hey, guys.

[0:41] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:42] But you should know that, because you know me.

[0:44] All three of us are here, and it's just us.

[0:46] We're all alone, right?

[0:47] Yeah.

[0:48] Totally.

[0:49] Oh, my God.

[0:50] I didn't notice all these people until they started making noise.

[0:54] Because I have a brain disease.

[0:58] It's a very special episode.

[1:00] Yeah.

[1:01] Do you know that, like, I didn't realize, I didn't know this until way too late,

[1:05] that the reason that there are all those very special episodes

[1:08] is the government, like, paid the money to do that shit.

[1:11] Yeah.

[1:12] That's tax dollars.

[1:13] It was part of the Department of Special.

[1:14] Yeah, did people know that?

[1:16] Make things more special.

[1:17] Reagan was like, America's got to realize it's special again.

[1:21] So this is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and we talk about it.

[1:25] And today we're recording it with people.

[1:29] Yeah.

[1:30] Oh, it's live.

[1:31] It's a live show.

[1:32] It's live in the Bell House.

[1:33] Yeah.

[1:34] Yeah.

[1:35] The best venue in Brooklyn.

[1:41] I say it's the best venue in the universe.

[1:45] The weird thing about, like, this is like pandering to, like,

[1:48] the people who work at the Bell House more than it is the audience.

[1:50] Kind of.

[1:51] They're great.

[1:52] Tip your bartenders.

[1:53] Yeah.

[1:54] No, so we watched the movie just down the street.

[1:57] Oh, I never heard of this movie just down the street that we watched.

[2:02] At our friends Ray and Steven's.

[2:04] They were kind enough to loan us their house so we could do what we do normally

[2:08] and watch the movie right before we come.

[2:10] So it's fresh.

[2:16] That's right.

[2:18] That's our greatest secret, Dan.

[2:19] Why did you share it?

[2:21] I've been doing this so long that I can no longer climax without seeing a bad

[2:25] movie beforehand.

[2:26] Oh, it's terrible.

[2:30] I just like to think that you get an hour and a half to two hours and 20

[2:34] minutes of foreplay before, bam, you're done.

[2:38] Yeah.

[2:39] Baby, can we put on Fantastic Four while this goes on?

[2:42] Dan, I feel like you're somewhere else.

[2:44] Wait, are you watching Bratz over my shoulder?

[2:47] No, no, no, no.

[2:50] I'm thinking of another woman.

[2:57] So anyway, the movie Fantastic Four.

[3:01] Now, which Fantastic Four was this?

[3:03] Because this is the third movie named Fantastic Four.

[3:06] This is not the Roger Corman Fantastic Four.

[3:08] Okay.

[3:09] So it's fourth movie.

[3:10] Wait a minute.

[3:11] It should have been Fantastic then.

[3:13] This is not the Jessica Alberts Fantastic Four.

[3:15] Jessica Alberts.

[3:16] Yeah.

[3:18] The Silver Surfer did not rise in this one.

[3:20] No, he didn't.

[3:21] This is the new one with a hip, young cast.

[3:24] It's got Whiplash in it.

[3:26] Whiplash is there.

[3:27] It's got Creed.

[3:28] But not Whiplash from Iron Man 2.

[3:29] Yeah.

[3:30] Whiplash from Whiplash.

[3:31] Yeah.

[3:32] It's got Lady House of Cards.

[3:34] Yep.

[3:35] House of Cards.

[3:36] And Billy Elliot.

[3:37] Billy Elliot.

[3:38] Yeah.

[3:39] As Rockman, as you put it in your.

[3:41] Turtle.

[3:42] We call him Turtle.

[3:43] Okay.

[3:44] In America, we call him Mega Man.

[3:47] For listeners to the podcast, that's a call back to something that you didn't see or hear

[3:52] because it happened before we started taping.

[3:54] Oh, the turtle thing.

[3:55] Yeah.

[3:56] Yeah.

[3:57] Just drawing back the curtain.

[3:58] Anyway, Fantastic Four.

[3:59] Fantastic Four.

[4:00] And boy, oh boy, was it a movie.

[4:03] That we watched.

[4:04] Now, here's the thing.

[4:06] Hollywood is dedicated to getting the Fantastic Four right.

[4:09] They are sure there is money to be made in this property.

[4:13] They're going to crack this nut.

[4:15] It doesn't matter how many times it takes.

[4:17] They are going to make Fantastic Four.

[4:20] It's like a baseball match where you can have like 10 or 11 strikes and still be in the game.

[4:27] Yeah, it's exactly like a baseball match.

[4:30] David Cailin's not here to.

[4:32] He can say whatever he wants.

[4:34] It's like we're kicking goals in basketball or whatever.

[4:36] Sounds right to me.

[4:37] I don't know.

[4:38] We're shoving a ball through a hoop for some reason.

[4:41] Yeah, it's not as good.

[4:42] Now, as we realized while we were watching the movie, there was a good version of Fantastic Four already made.

[4:48] It was called The Incredibles.

[4:52] Or arguably sections of the Venture Brothers cartoon show.

[4:55] Yeah, sure.

[4:57] But was this.

[4:58] This was neither of those things.

[5:00] In case you forgot what we watched.

[5:02] Should we talk about how the movie went along?

[5:04] Yeah, it went along.

[5:06] This is a movie that had what I would call a pacing problem.

[5:11] A lumpy structure.

[5:12] It is mostly Act One and then Act Two starts and we get through Act Two very quickly.

[5:18] And then suddenly Act Three arrives while Act Two is still going on and then the movie's over.

[5:23] I thought you were going to say that, yeah.

[5:25] Suddenly you realize that Act Two was Act Three.

[5:27] Yeah, I mean there was literally a point where I was like it's taking a while to get to this point.

[5:32] Okay, but we're solidly in the middle of the movie now.

[5:34] And I went to check and there were 15 minutes left in the movie, I think.

[5:39] But as everyone knows, Fantastic Four is the tale of four explorer-adventurer-scientists.

[5:44] It begins at the dawn of time, 2007.

[5:49] This version of Fantastic Four opens, as Stewart likes to say.

[5:54] Wait.

[5:55] In media res.

[5:56] Oh, I don't ever say that.

[5:57] Oh, that's true, I forgot.

[5:59] Smash cut.

[6:00] That's what I say.

[6:02] You say both of those things.

[6:05] The year is 2007.

[6:07] We all remember it.

[6:08] We were still going through the presidential campaign or whatever.

[6:13] Yeah, there's probably like slap bracelets or some shit.

[6:15] I don't remember.

[6:16] And everybody was talking about this MC Hammer guy.

[6:21] Everybody was doing the Charleston.

[6:27] And a young boy, young Reed Richards, is a super nerd who's hunched over his notebook in class

[6:33] just scribbling arcane mathematics and diagrams and things.

[6:37] And his teacher, played by, of course, Homer Simpson himself.

[6:41] Yeah, Dan Castellaneta.

[6:42] That was one of the better things in the movie.

[6:44] Who, for a moment, I confused with Jonathan Katz because they look very similar, it turns out.

[6:50] Now I want to see a buddy picture with him too.

[6:53] That'd be great.

[6:54] Maybe they're brothers.

[6:55] They're trying to parent-trap people.

[6:57] Yeah, that's right.

[6:59] They're trying to parent-trap their very old parents.

[7:02] It's not that hard.

[7:04] Easy to trap old people, yeah.

[7:06] They're already trapped in a retirement home.

[7:10] They're trapped in their decaying bodies.

[7:15] Wow, Dan.

[7:17] Like we all are.

[7:18] It's hilarious.

[7:19] Good point, good point, Dan.

[7:21] The day we're born is when we start dying, that's true.

[7:23] Now, young Reed Richards is about to partake in the what do I want to be when I grow up presentation.

[7:31] Something we've all been through, I'm sure.

[7:33] Yeah, because this teacher has no interest in teaching these children.

[7:37] And he also seems to be a science teacher, which makes it doubly strange that he's doing this.

[7:41] And Reed Richards says, I want to invent teleportation.

[7:45] I want to be the first person to teleport.

[7:47] And I've done it.

[7:48] I've been building this machine.

[7:49] This is frowned upon by his teacher, who declares such a thing impossible.

[7:54] What's weird, though, is he says he wants to be, when he grows up, he wants to be that guy.

[7:58] But if he's that close, does he just expect to, like, dick around for ten years?

[8:02] He wants to do it and then go through puberty and grow up.

[8:06] Oh, when he's a grown-up, he just wants to, like, bask in that.

[8:08] Yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah.

[8:09] He wants to be famous as the guy who did it, yeah.

[8:13] And that catches the eye of young Benjamin Grimm, played by one of the friends from Fresh Off the Boat,

[8:19] who we see with his not-so-happy life living at a junkyard because apparently he's one of Riff Raff's gang.

[8:28] And because there are some weird touches throughout the movie.

[8:33] They take a lot of liberties with the stories in the comics, which is fine.

[8:36] And then they'll throw in a weird touch just to be like, we read the comics.

[8:40] So Benjamin Grimm's family is very clearly Jewish.

[8:43] Like, they have a menorah, they have a mezuzah, like he's Jewish in the comics.

[8:46] But they are the most Queen's Italian Jewish family I think I've ever seen.

[8:50] There is nothing Jewish about them except that they have a menorah on the shelf.

[8:54] Yeah, there's a lot of slapping of the ears of the kids, which I guess is, I mean, now I feel like that's an Italian slur and I feel bad that I said that.

[9:01] I'm not the one who brought up that it was the slapping that made me think that.

[9:03] And also they live in a junkyard, which is, I guess, comes from the Jewish merchant tradition of being a bone-in-rag man.

[9:10] In the 21st century, of course, you'd be involved with machinery parts.

[9:14] But he finds in the junkyard young Reed Richards trying to find a power converter or some garbage.

[9:23] A flux capacitor.

[9:24] A flux capacitor.

[9:25] And it's some kind of oscillation over thruster or some nonsense.

[9:29] That's right.

[9:30] And he says, I'll give you the parts you need, but you've got to make me your buddy.

[9:34] And so they go to Reed Richards' Primer Garage, which is essentially the garage from Primer.

[9:39] And he's got a shit ton of Nintendo 64s.

[9:42] Reed Richards' Primer Garage.

[9:44] Sounds like a place where you sell paint.

[9:46] Come on down to Reed Richards' Primer Garage.

[9:49] We've got all your primer needs.

[9:50] We don't sell normal paint.

[9:51] Only primer.

[9:52] Only primer.

[9:53] That paint's all the way up on the shelf.

[9:55] Let me get a ladder.

[9:56] No need.

[9:57] Straight.

[9:58] Bring it down.

[9:59] You'll see my…

[10:00] ability to stretch gives me a leg up in the primer selling business

[10:04] so

[10:05] it's not a part of the road like it was a fun

[10:09] they uh... they uh...

[10:11] they plug in this machine to try to make what little twig car teleport or

[10:14] something

[10:15] that sounds like their kids they like

[10:17] to play with matchbox cars and they're not

[10:19] and uh... in the process

[10:21] he blows a circuit and blacks out new york of the famous two thousand seven

[10:26] blackout

[10:27] that like they're not only did you hear whether was a big blackout yeah

[10:31] like that yet why have a blackout in new york and i can use it for the

[10:34] fantastic four movie

[10:37] always take advantage every crisis is an opportunity

[10:41] smash cuts mascot thank you now it's what like seven years later

[10:45] yes every now they're grown-ups by which i mean teenagers

[10:49] date now here's a weird thing there in a science fair where he is finally ready

[10:53] to unveil his teleportation science fair in a gymnasium science for a gymnasium

[10:57] as many science fairs are set in

[10:59] uh... but

[11:00] dick has a lot of is still the teacher and all the other contestants the

[11:03] science fair we see our children and so

[11:05] it's like

[11:06] teacher thought so little of his teleportation math

[11:09] they held him back for seven years

[11:13] until now he is almost old enough

[11:16] almost at the age of consent but he's still like

[11:18] in what fourth grade

[11:21] fifth grade it doesn't make sense

[11:23] he uh...

[11:24] once again causes havoc with his device

[11:26] been grim played now by billy elliott is loyally at his side

[11:29] uh... because they're

[11:31] and just best buds and like yeah you know you want your pals to be with you

[11:35] when you're at the science fair

[11:36] there's a tough guy who likes to have him around

[11:39] in case he gets beat up by bullies or something except he's shorter than miles teller who's

[11:42] playing reed richards

[11:43] he's scrappy

[11:46] you should support him as a short gentleman yourself

[11:49] i mean he's not actually short he's just shorter than the guy he's ostensibly

[11:52] protecting

[11:55] i'm just saying

[11:57] your theory doesn't ring out

[11:59] they cause trouble

[12:01] and homer simpson is not happy about it

[12:04] they do not win the science fair but they do catch the eye

[12:07] of one mister storm and his daughter susan storm

[12:10] who just hang out at high school uh... science fairs looking for breakthroughs

[12:15] they accidentally destroy the backboard on a basketball hoop and dan castaneda

[12:20] uh... i'm not going to try and say that again

[12:22] i pulled a dan

[12:25] but he's like you're going to pay for that

[12:27] and that's crazy he's a kid

[12:30] i mean probably his parents are going to pay for it

[12:33] that's it thanks

[12:35] i'm glad we worked out your one problem with the movie

[12:40] let's speed it up a little bit

[12:43] they are from the baxter foundation which is where

[12:46] prodigy whiz kids go to build the technology of the future

[12:50] which uh...

[12:51] takes a lot of welding and computers

[12:53] uh... we don't and we know they're working on teleportation too or as they

[12:56] call it

[12:57] interdimensional travel because in this movie

[13:00] teleporting dimensional travel and other planets are kind of just all the

[13:03] same thing

[13:05] it is not

[13:06] a

[13:07] particularly science-based film which is ok

[13:09] because it's a movie about a rock man and a fire guy

[13:12] and a stretchy dude so that's ok and an invisible lady

[13:16] uh... they're all working together at this super kid science lab

[13:20] i thought for a second that ben grimm got to go too but he didn't

[13:23] he is just moving miles teller's bags like a bud and we don't check up on him

[13:27] for a while

[13:28] yeah he's just doing he's just working at a junkyard

[13:31] yeah he's like uh... fat albert or uh...

[13:34] i don't know like heathcliff he lives in a junkyard right

[13:37] heathcliff lives in a house riffraff lives in a junkyard and i don't mean riffraff

[13:40] from rocky horror picture show he lives in a big spooky house

[13:44] but he's from another planet

[13:46] that reminds me of rocky horror picture show i kept wanting when the thing... yeah because i just mentioned it

[13:52] when the thing

[13:53] but when the thing was around i kept wanting uh... frankenfurter to come out and go

[13:57] oh rocky

[14:00] yeah because he's made of rocks yeah that's right

[14:03] it checks out

[14:06] the head of the uh... mister storm also brings back into the fold young

[14:11] victor von doom

[14:12] a ne'er-do-well kind of bad boy

[14:15] who spends most of his time hanging out in the basement of an abandoned warehouse

[14:18] playing video games

[14:19] and is from the eastern european nation of latveria

[14:22] and everyone makes comments as if he has an accent but he does not have an accent

[14:27] uh... but tim blake nelson who's the head of some kind of

[14:30] i guess the head of the foundation

[14:32] uh... he's like a military man who is funding the foundation and is like

[14:36] i need to see military results i guess so yeah he does not like bringing von doom in

[14:41] but what are you going to do

[14:42] uh... so they bring him in

[14:44] they all work together and

[14:45] and frankly what is like

[14:47] and they and they also bring in michael b jordan as johnny storm the other son

[14:51] who is a hot-headed hot rod hotter

[14:55] who is also a genius because everyone in the movie is a genius

[14:57] uh... but he's a ne'er-do-well as well also a bad boy well that comes from like the marvel era where

[15:01] everybody's a super scientist right

[15:03] i mean that's now basically

[15:05] that's that's one of the if i can go on a tangent for a moment

[15:09] one of the issues i have with the current marvel universe is if you're a

[15:12] scientist in one field

[15:14] you're instantly a genius in all fields

[15:16] so bruce banner who is a nuclear physicist

[15:19] can also invent like

[15:21] teleportation rays and cure people of things

[15:24] which doesn't make any sense

[15:26] every scientist can do everything in the marvel universe

[15:28] peter parker is like

[15:30] i don't know

[15:31] doing surgery i don't know

[15:33] i mean that's that's pretty i think that's pretty simple if you can make

[15:36] like a web shooter that creates a sticky substance that

[15:40] stays hard forever

[15:42] no it only lasts an hour and then it dissolves

[15:44] wait what that

[15:45] otherwise every time he shot j jonah jameson in the mouth he would have killed him

[15:52] so why did he keep doing it

[15:55] yeah peter parker at that point just becomes a serial killer

[15:58] who super glues people's mouths shut

[16:01] in like a sort of a strange land sort of situation and now dexter's got to go

[16:05] get him

[16:07] the crossover we've been waiting for

[16:10] uh... so they're all working on this teleportation device turns out

[16:13] they make it work and they managed to send a chimpanzee to a far off planet

[16:18] full of rocks and glowing lava

[16:20] whoa

[16:21] mister storm makes very inflated claims for what they can do with this planet

[16:25] and they use a cgi chimpanzee so you don't actually feel nervous

[16:31] so you don't feel nervous about it

[16:33] uh... and and mister storm is saying like

[16:35] this planet will help us figure out the origins of the human race new forms of

[16:38] energy that will free us from climate change

[16:41] you don't know anything about this planet dude like do not

[16:44] don't make claims that's crazy you know he's just telling that to the military

[16:47] because this is a real sweet pork project for them you know sweet pork

[16:50] yeah that's right

[16:51] it's like a maple glazed ham like a pork bun like you know you get it at momofuku or something

[16:55] now why did they just work on making a better pork bun

[16:59] because that's a project I think the government can get behind you have to teleport the pork into the bun

[17:06] it's yeah it's sort of like catch more flies with honey situation we just like instead of

[17:09] bombing people we just send really good pork buns to them yeah america's alright

[17:14] I don't know if that would work so great in the places we're at war with right now

[17:20] but he's trying elliot at least no but dan's coming up with good ideas well he's coming up with ideas

[17:24] look I'm just spitballing here yeah yeah we're blue sky in it

[17:27] yeah uh...

[17:29] this is a smash cut

[17:31] the kids are excited because they they're alright the kids think they're gonna

[17:39] you're welcome the kids think they're gonna be the ones who can go into this new dimension

[17:43] turns out no they're gonna have professionals do that that makes sense that makes perfect sense

[17:48] the kids get mad they sneak in they teleport to this other dimension victor von doom touches some glowing lava

[17:53] that makes the lava go crazy everything blows up they all get superpowers based on the thing

[17:58] that was touching them at the time so a bunch of rocks hit ben grimm he turns into a rock man

[18:02] uh... johnny storms on fire turns into a fireman and uh... reid richards is touched by nothing

[18:08] so I guess like getting stretchy is like just the default thing that happens on that planet

[18:14] reid richards they all get captured by the government and sue storm gets caught in an explosion

[18:18] and turns invisible because she was around invisible at the time

[18:23] yeah she was around the air yeah so

[18:25] we can't see it can you exactly uh... they get captured by the military

[18:29] reid richards escapes in uh... there's some cool gross scenes of their bodies getting left behind

[18:35] yeah doom gets left behind

[18:36] like the hit novel series of the same name yeah I think he's dead it's a real you know it's a martian situation

[18:42] uh... and so

[18:44] then reid richards is on the loose the thing is being used by the military to blow up tanks and stuff

[18:48] with his punches and johnny storm and invisible woman are learning how to use their powers

[18:52] we are firmly at the end of act one of the movie

[18:55] cue the last half hour of the movie

[18:59] in which they go get reid richards they bring him back they go to the other planet

[19:04] get doctor doom he's turned into a crazy metal man with akira powers

[19:07] he's blown people's heads off left and right

[19:09] he's decided the other world's better he's going to destroy this world

[19:12] creates a portal to bring all of earth's matter over here and they go through the portal

[19:16] they come up with some cockamamie way that kicking him into a laser beam blows him up or something

[19:21] they beat him and that's the end

[19:25] i gotta

[19:31] the thing is like the movie the thing is made of rocks

[19:35] thing is made of rocks uh... now i wonder if he's rocks all the way through that's like

[19:40] are you rocks all the way through yeah or is there like an organic guy inside and then there's just like rocks on top of him

[19:46] like you know he's been rolled in like nuts or something

[19:49] there's a person inside all those nuts also the thing in this movie in the comics he's always wearing little underpants

[19:55] in the movie he's just nude all the time

[19:57] so he has

[19:58] no genitals

[20:00] It's possibly a butt, but we're not sure.

[20:03] Everyone has a butt, Elliot.

[20:05] Now you're going to next thing you're going to tell me everyone poops.

[20:08] Well, we were talking about whether the thing pooped or not.

[20:11] Yeah, what is it? He has to eat, right?

[20:13] Yeah. Are his teeth made of rocks? Is it little pebbles in his boots? What about his tongue?

[20:16] Now, because here's the thing about the Fantastic Four. Since they were created in 1961,

[20:21] the only thing anyone has ever thought of to talk about them is how their

[20:24] powers can be used sexually or for pooping. That's it.

[20:27] For 50 years, this is the only conversation. This is how people talk about the Fantastic Four.

[20:31] They say they're really a family at heart. They're explorers, not just superheroes.

[20:36] What happens when he has sex with the Invisible Woman?

[20:38] Like, that's how the conversation is.

[20:40] I mean, he's all stretchy, obviously, but also in this movie, in this movie, they have...

[20:46] In this movie...

[20:47] We should wrap it up pretty soon, too.

[20:49] No, we're doing okay, I think. We got a little while.

[20:52] But in this movie, they...

[20:55] No, I think we're out of time.

[21:00] What they wear controls their powers, and so if she takes off her clothes, she turns invisible.

[21:06] Well, she kind of fades in and out of visibility.

[21:08] Yeah, so if she's having sex, like it's a stretchy man having sex with an

[21:12] Invisible Woman at that point.

[21:13] Yeah.

[21:14] Which I'm sure is someone's fetish.

[21:17] It's gotta be.

[21:18] So...

[21:19] Haven't you ever...

[21:19] I guess I recommend this movie, then?

[21:21] Haven't you ever...

[21:22] Haven't you ever, while having sex, been like, I wonder what's going on in there?

[21:26] Yeah.

[21:26] I love those Star Wars Incredible Cross-Section books.

[21:31] Yeah.

[21:32] That's when the Invisible Woman turns into the Visible Woman, in terms of sex stuff.

[21:37] Oh, yeah.

[21:38] Anyway, so, moving along.

[21:41] So, and then the last scene, the government has decided, you know what, Fantastic Four?

[21:45] You're all right.

[21:46] And they give them a special, super-secret hideout in the middle of nowhere.

[21:50] And they're like, we need a name for this group.

[21:52] We need a name.

[21:52] What are we going to be called?

[21:53] And they throw around stupid names.

[21:55] And then the Thing, whose life is terrible, he's just a walking boulder that they throw at stuff.

[22:02] He goes, it's all pretty fantastic.

[22:05] And meaning, it's because his life is terrible, I assume not fantastic, like great,

[22:09] but in the old, like, romantic literature, use of the term is unbelievable, incredible.

[22:13] And...

[22:14] It's Celsius.

[22:15] And Miles Teller goes, yeah.

[22:17] Miles Teller goes, wait a minute, say that word again.

[22:21] He goes, I said it was fantastic.

[22:23] And he goes, guys, I think I got a name.

[22:26] And then it cuts to the logo, Fantastic Four, credits roll.

[22:29] I love it when that thing happens in movies, where it's like, the idea has gotten past

[22:34] the person's brain, but they still need the other person to repeat it for some reason,

[22:39] like to really, like, cement it in their mind.

[22:40] Yeah.

[22:41] It's like, hold on, someone said something that gives me an idea.

[22:45] Wait, say what you just said again.

[22:48] I wanted to have Chinese for dinner.

[22:50] Of course, Chinatown.

[22:53] That happens in the movie Chinatown, right?

[22:55] Yeah, that's right.

[22:57] Forget it, Jake.

[22:58] It's Chinese for dinner.

[22:59] Yeah, but I brought home this boba leaf pizza.

[23:06] Wait, you brought home a boba leaf?

[23:07] I guess from the supermarket.

[23:08] From the supermarket, yeah.

[23:09] Well, no, I have to bring it home from somewhere.

[23:13] You got Lizzie Liv in the boba leaf factory.

[23:14] It's not like it was take out boba leaf, which everyone knows is a mad thing to say.

[23:19] Insanity.

[23:21] Boba leaf pizza is a pizza you make at home that's halfway made for you already.

[23:26] You find it on a rack like this.

[23:28] Anyway, those commercials, no one remembers, I guess.

[23:31] So Fantastic Four, here's the thing.

[23:34] When it was first starting up.

[23:35] He's made of rocks.

[23:42] It's my job today.

[23:43] Nice, nice.

[23:45] Solid.

[23:52] I was actually enjoying the beginning of this movie because I was like,

[23:55] OK, this isn't my take on the Fantastic Four that I'm used to.

[23:58] And I have written for three of the four characters.

[24:01] But anyway, so it's not, although one of the stories was

[24:05] Reed and Ben going to their college reunion.

[24:08] So it's not like a canon story or anything.

[24:10] But the one of the I was like, OK, this is good.

[24:14] Like they're spending a lot of time developing these characters.

[24:17] That's fine.

[24:17] They have a real camaraderie.

[24:18] That's good.

[24:19] There's a little bit of fun.

[24:20] There's a yeah.

[24:21] But then a little bit.

[24:22] It gets really grim, not just Ben Grimm.

[24:24] It gets really grim.

[24:25] Who's made of rocks.

[24:28] And it's just like they ran out of time.

[24:30] Apparently it was a longer movie and they cut it down because they just run out of time for that movie.

[24:34] Like and then at the end of the movie, Dr.

[24:37] Doom.

[24:37] I mean, this is what I wanted to get.

[24:38] Dr. Doom is like a guy who can like explode people's heads like scanner style.

[24:44] He does it to what's his face from Tim Blake Nelson, Blake Nelson.

[24:49] He turns into like a metal Tetsuo, the Iron Man.

[24:51] And so they're fighting him all over.

[24:52] It doesn't turn into Tetsuo, the Iron Man.

[24:54] Yeah, they're fighting over this crazy planet.

[24:57] And Mr. Fantastic is literally just punching him with his stretchy arms.

[25:02] Well, and you're like, why is his head?

[25:04] Well, my head powers much like Star Trek into darkness.

[25:08] The character is an unstoppable juggernaut of aggression until the end when the hero

[25:14] attacks him.

[25:14] And he's like, ah, punches.

[25:16] I can't deal with this after I have no defenses.

[25:19] Maybe deep down, he still reads friend and doesn't want to kill him.

[25:23] Well, that would have been a really good theme to bring up.

[25:26] But instead, if it was in the movie, yeah, but they don't.

[25:30] He was like, no, no, we were buds.

[25:32] I mean, they only knew each other for like a few weeks.

[25:34] So why do they keep calling me?

[25:35] We were buds.

[25:39] Someday I'll be saying that to you, Ellie.

[25:42] Well, I like to believe I'm going to be plunging a mystic dagger into your heart.

[25:49] We should now get to final judgments, I think.

[25:51] Whether this was a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie or a movie we kind of like.

[25:54] Ellie, I think you've started it off already.

[25:56] What do you have to say?

[25:57] Like, it wasn't a good, bad movie.

[25:59] I don't think it was as bad, bad a movie as it could have been.

[26:02] But it was not worth watching particularly.

[26:06] Like, I wasn't like, I wasn't in.

[26:08] Hey, I am.

[26:10] It's OK for me to have an opinion on it, audience.

[26:13] Like, I don't understand.

[26:16] There are people who are really invested in not liking Fantastic Four.

[26:20] Yeah, I thought it was OK up to a certain point.

[26:22] And then it got super crazy.

[26:24] Just do it.

[26:25] Don't say that the audience will rip you to shreds.

[26:26] Oh, no.

[26:27] And also, it's just so bland and grim, pun intended.

[26:31] Who's made of rocks?

[26:33] That it I mean, it suffers from what I feel like a lot of the Fox superhero movies have,

[26:38] which is like blending, like modernizing it by making it more bland and flat.

[26:43] Yeah.

[26:44] Yeah, I don't don't boo me, audience.

[26:49] I marginally kind of like psychology.

[26:51] I I.

[26:56] No, no, no, no.

[26:59] I think you should be booing yourself.

[27:02] I think I think what you have to understand is.

[27:05] It's turned into an episode of the Morton Downey.

[27:07] You have to understand that.

[27:10] Contemporary reference from Elliot Caleb.

[27:13] Are you surprised?

[27:15] What you have to understand is the curve that we are grading these things on.

[27:19] Having done eight years.

[27:21] Entourage last night.

[27:23] Yeah.

[27:24] And so having heard that this was a total piece of shit,

[27:28] I was glad to find it was only a partial piece of shit.

[27:32] It's a turd, but it's like an old dried up turd.

[27:34] You can just kick to the gutter and you're.

[27:36] As I said to the guys, I would watch it on a plane.

[27:39] Yeah, it got the coveted Dan McCoy plane award.

[27:43] Yeah.

[27:50] Hey, Max, fun community.

[27:51] This is your friend Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love and a bunch of other stuff.

[27:56] I am a longtime member, supporter and devoted follower of Maximum Fun.

[28:01] And now finally, I have my own podcast on the network.

[28:04] It's called Magic Lessons, and it is me coaching people through their creative issues and problems.

[28:09] This season, we have some amazing creators that we're helping through their joys and

[28:13] struggles of making something out of nothing.

[28:15] And then I bring in special guests like Glennon Doyle Melton, Brandon Stanton,

[28:19] Martha Beck, the poet Mark Nepo, Michael Ian Black, Sarah Jones, Gary Sheingart.

[28:24] These amazing friends of mine to come and help coach these people so that they can get

[28:27] their work done.

[28:28] I hope you'll tune into it.

[28:29] It's called Magic Lessons, and it's all about love.

[28:34] Hi, it's Dan popping in on this live episode to give you a few words from our sponsors.

[28:40] And first, the thought is supported by Squarespace, the simplest way to create a compelling website

[28:45] from the strange, the downright bizarre.

[28:47] Great stories define us.

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[28:52] Squarespace helps you capture your story with a captivating website.

[28:56] Start your free trial today.

[28:58] Visit squarespace.com slash flop.

[29:01] You should Squarespace.

[29:05] This week, we're also sponsored by Blue Apron.

[29:08] For less than $10 per meal, Blue Apron delivers seasonal recipes along with pre-portioned

[29:12] ingredients to make delicious home-cooked meals.

[29:16] Check out this week's menu and get your first three meals free with free shipping

[29:22] by going to blueapron.com slash flop house.

[29:26] You'll love how good it feels and tastes to create incredible home-cooked meals with

[29:31] Blue Apron.

[29:32] So don't wait.

[29:34] That's blueapron.com slash flop house.

[29:38] And we have a special message up on the Jumbotron this week.

[29:42] And it should be of special interest to anyone in New York who's a fan of a Max

[29:46] Fun podcast.

[29:47] And it goes a little something like this.

[29:49] Are you in the NYC area and want to make new Max Fun loving friends?

[29:54] Go out on great adventures and get the most out of your city.

[29:57] Max Fun NYC is an unofficial fan group.

[30:00] of like-minded geeks who do great stuff like a recent Hinterlands meet-up and a Star Trek

[30:05] premiere screening with Greatest Gens Ben Harrison, we've got a Prospect Park picnic

[30:09] planned on the 13th, and one of our awesome karaoke nights on September 9th.

[30:14] I've been to these karaoke nights, I've had a great time.

[30:18] If you want to hear me sing some David Bowie, this is your chance to do it in the wild.

[30:24] So check out maxfun.nyc for our full events calendar, plus guides and articles from our

[30:29] members, and join the conversation in the MaxFunNYC Facebook group.

[30:35] So that's all the house work for this week.

[30:40] Sorry to have to jump in on the live show like this, but now we take you back to the

[30:46] bell house and our regular scheduled joke-em-ups.

[30:51] So we should move on now to taking some questions from the audience.

[30:57] Elliot, I think you should give your traditional speech to the question.

[31:05] This is something that I'm going to tell everybody to save us some time and tourists, as you

[31:10] might say, if you were Ben Grimm's family.

[31:13] Which is, a lot of times at these types of Q&As, people tend to run off at the mouth,

[31:18] say things nobody cares about, try to impress us.

[31:24] Here's what I would say.

[31:25] As you're walking up to the microphone, think to yourself in your head, if somebody who

[31:27] is not me was asking this question, would I care?

[31:33] And if the answer is no, then please think of another question.

[31:39] So that wasn't too hard, right?

[31:41] That's it.

[31:42] That's perfect.

[31:43] Okay.

[31:44] Oh, and also, here's a song about questions.

[31:45] Here's a song just about questions, not letters this time.

[31:51] Print is dead.

[31:53] Snail, mail, fail.

[31:56] It's all about the oral tradition, talking out loud, asking a crowd to ask us questions

[32:03] from them to us from you.

[32:07] Plural.

[32:08] Thank you.

[32:09] Wow, that was pretty quick.

[32:13] That was, yeah.

[32:15] Come on.

[32:16] There's another show after this.

[32:17] I can't sing as long as usual.

[32:18] All right.

[32:19] Step right up.

[32:20] You asked him to ask something.

[32:21] No, you don't understand how this works.

[32:22] They asked me something.

[32:23] Okay, so our first question.

[32:24] Ah, thank you.

[32:25] Adam, last name withheld.

[32:26] Hey, Adam.

[32:27] Hey.

[32:28] Adam Carolla, everybody.

[32:29] This is the podcast.

[32:30] Please call me Ace.

[32:31] Why didn't that get a boop?

[32:32] Anyway, I would like to ask you a question.

[32:33] Okay.

[32:34] I'm going to ask you a question.

[32:35] Okay.

[32:37] Okay.

[32:39] Okay.

[32:41] Okay.

[32:44] Okay.

[32:45] I would have a request and a question.

[32:46] A requestion.

[32:47] Yes.

[32:48] A trademark copyright.

[32:49] Mail it to yourself.

[32:50] I have in my hands a copy of one Flash Gordon holiday special.

[32:51] Oh.

[32:52] And I have signatures from both Stuart and Dan.

[32:53] Elliot, would you complete this trifecta?

[32:54] I will.

[32:55] I'll tell you what.

[32:56] Give it to me and I'll sign it now.

[32:57] And then those guys can answer whatever.

[32:58] Is that the only question?

[32:59] No.

[33:00] There's a question after that.

[33:01] Okay, then they can answer the question.

[33:02] But yeah, we'll do it.

[33:03] Yay.

[33:04] That was a good one.

[33:05] All right.

[33:07] Okay.

[33:09] All right.

[33:10] Give it to me and I'll sign it now.

[33:13] Thank you.

[33:14] And my question is this.

[33:15] That's a comic book we wrote, not just a random comic book you're reciting.

[33:16] I read actually somewhere that you guys were looking into developing the Flophouse as a

[33:17] television program.

[33:18] That was once.

[33:19] You've been reading Dan's dream journals?

[33:20] I'd say we're looking into it in that we would accept anyone who's interested in doing

[33:21] it.

[33:22] Let him finish his question, Dan.

[33:23] Well, no.

[33:24] I'm just kind of wondering how that works.

[33:25] I mean, I'm not a big fan of it.

[33:26] I'm not a big fan of it.

[33:33] I'd say we're looking into it in that we would accept anyone who's interested in doing it.

[33:39] Let him finish his question, Dan.

[33:41] Well, no.

[33:42] I'm just kind of wondering how that would play out.

[33:44] Would this be recast, like when they've turned Uncle Buck into a TV show and John Candy was

[33:48] a Kevin Meany type all of a sudden.

[33:51] Oh, no.

[33:52] No, mic problems.

[33:54] Why don't you with the...

[33:57] I'll just say the Flophouse motto is, what would the TV version of Uncle Buck do?

[34:04] I was going to...

[34:08] Turn the mirror on yourself and ask him.

[34:11] It's too bad Elliot's mic isn't working because I feel like he has the most thoughts as like

[34:16] the most TV person of all of us as to what would be...

[34:21] It's working again.

[34:22] Yeah.

[34:23] Thank you.

[34:24] Yay!

[34:25] Thank you very much.

[34:26] That was an act of Jesus.

[34:28] Jesus, our technical guy tonight.

[34:33] I mean, I don't want to give away any trade secrets.

[34:35] What do you think?

[34:36] Like an old timey variety show?

[34:37] Here's how it would probably go.

[34:38] We are all sharing an apartment.

[34:39] Okay.

[34:40] Yeah.

[34:41] Two of us are busty babes.

[34:44] But we haven't figured out which two.

[34:47] So we're still working on it.

[34:48] Oh, thank you.

[34:50] Yeah.

[34:51] Wait, thank you, I guess?

[34:53] It would have something about making fun of bad movies.

[34:56] Yeah.

[34:58] I hope that answers your question.

[35:01] It does indeed.

[35:02] Thank you.

[35:03] Thanks for coming.

[35:05] And we're switching up people at the microphone.

[35:07] It's a tight fit.

[35:09] Sorry about that.

[35:10] So we're all going to be really upset when Mad Max doesn't win all of the Oscars.

[35:15] Don't you say that.

[35:18] But besides Mad Max, what do you think are the biggest Oscar snubs?

[35:24] Easy.

[35:25] Richard Jenkins should have been nominated for Best Supporting Actor for Bone Tomahawk.

[35:30] He's great in that.

[35:31] I can see that, yeah.

[35:34] So we're doing some snubs and pull-ups here.

[35:36] You have one locked and loaded.

[35:38] I don't.

[35:40] I don't really care about it.

[35:42] Yeah, poor showing this year from non-white people.

[35:44] Come on.

[35:45] Step it up, non-white actors.

[35:48] Wow.

[35:49] Because according to the Academy.

[35:50] Good night, everyone.

[35:56] I'm just saying what Academy voters are thinking.

[36:01] I don't really have strong feelings about the Oscars this year because I didn't really have a lot of strong feelings about movies this year.

[36:08] Aside from Mad Max, it was a pretty slay.

[36:11] Like I didn't see a lot of the nominees yet.

[36:13] I liked Ex Machina a lot and I did like Alicia Vikander got a nomination for another movie.

[36:20] Is that right?

[36:21] Am I right about that?

[36:23] Danish Girl.

[36:24] I got a nomination for Ex Machina, I think.

[36:25] So that's what I say about that.

[36:31] I got nothing.

[36:32] I got no answer to that.

[36:34] So I guess that's it.

[36:35] I hope that answered your question.

[36:37] We made a lot of enemies just now.

[36:38] Yeah.

[36:41] Hey, Peaches.

[36:42] Hey.

[36:43] Josh Wiese, punctuation withheld.

[36:45] So.

[36:46] Clever.

[36:47] My question is the institute seems to be some kind of either magnet high school or possibly, I'm guessing, unaccredited university.

[36:55] In the Fantastic Four movie you're talking about.

[36:56] Yeah.

[36:57] Yeah.

[36:58] Okay, not in real life.

[36:59] No.

[37:00] Like you're not asking us if you should apply.

[37:02] Not anymore.

[37:03] Oh, okay.

[37:05] But my question is, is that Victor Von Doom apparently dropped out.

[37:10] So when did he get his doctorate?

[37:15] It's a good question.

[37:16] It's a good question.

[37:17] It was probably when he was on that alien planet.

[37:19] Yeah, he went to the University of Alien Planet.

[37:23] Yeah.

[37:24] Well, this is something I believe I handled in the story I was talking about where they were at their college reunion.

[37:29] Okay.

[37:30] Where Reed Richards says to Victor Von Doom, but you were kicked out of the university.

[37:35] And Dr. Doom says something about how they let him finish his degree online.

[37:41] So he probably just did that.

[37:43] It also brings to mind Von Doom, after being on the planet in the movie for a while,

[37:48] like shows back up with a cape and cowl for some reason.

[37:51] He's got like a green – it's a green cloak.

[37:54] It's like just a torn piece of green fabric that he's fashioned into a cloak.

[37:58] But I don't know where he got it.

[37:59] Yeah, just because it looks cool and evil.

[38:02] Like the planet, I guess, applied it.

[38:04] He's like, you're a villain now.

[38:05] Here you go.

[38:07] He found one bolt of green cloth on the planet.

[38:11] Please.

[38:12] Hi.

[38:13] Ann Marie, last name withheld, voice gone.

[38:17] So if you could take one popular movie quote and prevent anyone from being able to quote it excessively ever,

[38:25] which one would you pick?

[38:27] And stop people from quoting it forever?

[38:30] What movie quote could we keep people from saying ever again?

[38:34] Oh, man, there's so many.

[38:37] I've come around on my wife.

[38:40] Now I think it's hilariously stupid that anyone would bother – no, that's not true.

[38:47] What about your favorite movie, Candy Shack, Elliot, or Animal House?

[38:52] I feel like there's all –

[38:53] That's more – my problem with that is more that people used to come – this doesn't happen in a while,

[38:57] and I want to credit internet film culture for that.

[39:00] But what used to happen to me all the time is I'd meet people and be like, oh, you're a film guy, right?

[39:04] So I got that going for me.

[39:06] Candy Shack.

[39:07] Like if I'm a film buff, I must know every line from Candy Shack, and it was always Candy Shack.

[39:14] And I don't know why that was the movie that for some reason was the test of whether you were a true cineast.

[39:19] I love their confidence that their impersonation of Bill Murray was going to be so good that you were immediately going to recognize it.

[39:27] But also like what – okay, Candy Shack, great.

[39:30] What do I care?

[39:32] I feel like the thing about this is like it all comes in waves.

[39:35] Like they're just waves of like there's a movie that all the assholes are going to quote for a while.

[39:41] Very few people say do I make you horny.

[39:43] Yeah, exactly.

[39:45] It was a time when it was inescapable.

[39:47] Teachers were saying it to me.

[39:50] Oh, God.

[39:52] Now I know what was happening.

[39:54] Yeah, but for a while it was Austin Powers, and then there was Borat obviously as reference.

[40:00] going back like i feel like growing and there was a time when everyone was

[40:02] quoting the prestige

[40:06] what i what i had to say was it was a little bit

[40:09] dot i would like when i like when i was growing up like it goes back to it

[40:12] something like i think it's a time where like all the assholes quoted fletch

[40:15] you know yeah and uh... but then like and i think it's

[40:21] chief among them

[40:23] but

[40:23] time passes and then it becomes like nostalgic to hear someone do a shitty

[40:27] quote

[40:28] so i don't really care i guess is the answer to that question

[40:32] no i think i think all movie quotes are great and hilarious please keep doing

[40:35] them

[40:39] hi my name is eric lasting withheld and i work in finance and all the assholes

[40:42] still quote fletch

[40:46] but my old school

[40:48] but yeah my question for you is actually what movie that came out while you were

[40:52] doing the show do you wish you could have done an episode about the plot

[40:55] passed on

[40:56] but just never got around to her never did with their movie like

[40:59] should on this and then it

[41:00] just didn't feel like there's a bunch of them but they're not coming i'm so i'm

[41:04] so happy we didn't have to do bucky larson

[41:07] yeah

[41:10] i i think that like there was a time where it was like

[41:13] there's a threat that they were going to the cobbler i think that might have

[41:16] passed at this point which one

[41:18] the cobbler the adams and i'm not what's on magic shoes and i think that the

[41:21] cowboy it may still come up i don't probably do it for that for a sad

[41:25] temper when we just you say i don't say no

[41:30] there's definitely been stuff though that i'm just like

[41:32] on man

[41:34] and then i realized that i'm getting sad about like not watching a terrible

[41:37] movie

[41:38] and i feel okay i didn't have to spend an hour forty minutes watching that crap

[41:42] all man

[41:44] so i hope that that's enough of an answer thank you for your time

[41:49] hello

[41:50] hi my name is karin last but name withheld and i apologize for asking

[41:53] questions tonight that's awesome

[41:57] so i have to to questions the first one's really short

[42:01] the first one is

[42:02] hey guys doing today dan and stewart

[42:04] i'm okay i'm fine

[42:06] i hope this morning i have a cold

[42:10] don't ask me on the reason why i would be

[42:13] starting lines off of the reason why my body is literally in a life-or-death

[42:17] struggle with pathogens

[42:19] you know it's okay

[42:20] but elliott

[42:23] elliot being a family man went right home after this i mean he hung around

[42:26] for a while but he went right home i went right home in that i ended up on the street

[42:29] corner talking to my brother for like thirty minutes

[42:32] but uh... but stew and i were at the bar

[42:36] harsh boo for david caleb

[42:40] stewart and i were at the bar late that's why elliott was left out of that concern

[42:45] but we're fine thank you for asking

[42:46] my second question which is slightly less short

[42:49] is

[42:50] so other than

[42:52] telling the same jokes to the same people two nights in a row how do you

[42:57] tell when you have a good joke

[42:59] uh... how do you tell you have a good joke

[43:01] and i apologize for my obnoxious laugh on both nights of the recording

[43:05] that's alright i thought it was lovely

[43:07] which was her laugh

[43:11] oh there it is

[43:13] i still like it

[43:15] i still like it

[43:17] so professional comedy guys

[43:20] how do you know when you know you just now

[43:23] i mean i think that you do i think that if you think if you well the thing is

[43:27] you think the thing is funny

[43:28] and then when you tell to someone else and they laugh

[43:31] that's good backup because it's very often that i think something's funny

[43:34] and nobody else does

[43:37] but also often i'll say something i think is funny people laugh at it so it's like

[43:41] i got a pretty good hit rate i guess

[43:44] i think one of the good things about doing

[43:46] while doing a podcast you don't necessarily know how the audience is going to feel but

[43:49] i feel like when we do it we're just trying to make each other laugh and i guess that's a good barometer

[43:54] if you guys either laugh or get irritated with me i know that lots of times

[44:00] and it's a lot more fun to make each other laugh than to quote

[44:02] write a joke too because like

[44:05] anything is more fun than work

[44:06] yeah i know but

[44:08] as elliot and i i think have experienced you know when you're working as a

[44:13] comedy writer like comedy writers don't laugh at each other's jokes they just sort of

[44:16] nod and say that's funny

[44:19] i mean maybe sometimes but when we laugh it's just we're digging around

[44:25] it's not in a hostile way

[44:26] it's not hostile at all it's just it's approving it's not like we're refusing to laugh it's just like

[44:30] yes i see what you did there very nice

[44:34] please sorry

[44:36] jen

[44:37] last name grillie i don't care if you know

[44:39] uh...

[44:41] we got a rebel here guys

[44:43] security

[44:45] we all know that the flop house cat is the carrie of the show

[44:49] she like doesn't have a lot of content but is the main character obviously

[44:53] so who is the miranda the charlotte and the samantha and why

[44:58] well stewart i feel like this one's for the ladies because they know what i'm talking about

[45:02] stewart has to be the samantha right

[45:05] what give me some defining characteristics of samantha

[45:08] before i gotta know what i'm agreeing to

[45:11] uh... she's a super slut party animal

[45:13] oh perfect okay i guess that's me to a t

[45:17] uh... but then uh... i would

[45:19] well here's the thing either dan or i could be charlotte or miranda

[45:23] because we both have our innocent sides we also both have our

[45:27] sides you know

[45:28] i don't know what that means very easily irritable translates well to the podcast

[45:34] samantha should be called miranda and miranda should be called samantha

[45:38] their names do not fit their characters

[45:41] charlotte your name continues

[45:43] what's his face

[45:45] like call him up in the time

[45:47] the time phone yeah yeah i'll use the time phone and call him what's his face

[45:55] just like the old saying goes use the time phone to call what's his face

[46:00] uh... thanks for the question

[46:03] please

[46:05] hi my name is allison

[46:07] and i'm sorry elliot but i do have to say very quick i'm an earlham grad so go

[46:12] quakers sure yeah great school here's two fine alums right here and also one

[46:18] there thank you i was too busy going to school in a big city

[46:24] no it's true it's a good burn

[46:29] like every old school i understand but so my question is if seinfeld were to

[46:34] date you

[46:35] what would be your reason that he had to break up with you

[46:44] wow the audience loves that

[46:47] mine would be that i would always be correcting him on things that didn't

[46:50] really matter

[46:53] and then i do it in front of his friends and he gets really mad and he can't

[46:56] quite explain why he's mad

[46:58] so we break up

[46:59] that's a solid seinfeld plot line

[47:03] why don't you use the time phone and call him what's his face

[47:06] what's his name i've got two comments for you one is about sex in the city

[47:10] one is about seinfeld so i hope you worked on both

[47:13] i'd say every time jerry and i would go out we'd go out to restaurants and he

[47:18] would always have problems with the service or they'd send him the wrong meal

[47:21] or whatever

[47:22] and i would always be too blasé about it like oh just don't worry about eat the

[47:27] food you don't like and he would not like that and then you tell him to tip

[47:30] big even if the service wasn't great yeah yeah so it's not as good of an

[47:34] episode but that's that's still a good episode it's a solid episode it's got to

[47:37] be something small and irritating so right so i think i mean it could be

[47:42] something huge like maybe you're like it turns out no no no the whole point is

[47:47] like you know he's an asshole right that's one interesting reading of

[47:52] seinfeld

[47:55] maybe that like sometimes i can't be bothered i'm too lazy to take socks off

[48:00] before sex i think that would be

[48:05] that would probably break me up before that's a laziness and not like a fashion

[48:10] statement

[48:10] look i bought these nice socks and then i can already see the scenery is

[48:15] complaining that lady's like their socks how we are to take them off

[48:18] they slip right off

[48:23] so that's a good one that's a good one we've got our spec script everybody

[48:27] please I am Matt last name withheld

[48:31] I had a great question about sex with socks on but you guys ruined that

[48:34] oh sorry my question is from the movie what do you think the age range was for

[48:38] that science fair because I could not wrap my brain around it when I was

[48:41] watching it it seems to be one to a hundred and one I don't know that's

[48:45] yeah it's like the game sorry

[48:48] yeah is that his booth is literally next to a little kids booth who's whose

[48:52] presentation seems to be like I have a toy plane

[48:56] I don't know I don't know what I don't know what and what word he was going for

[49:01] he fails a science project because it's not science but what's that plane science

[49:05] is it just the science of having a plane

[49:07] I like that maybe it's economics is like a soft science like you had to buy it I

[49:12] don't know

[49:15] yeah yes I guess we're moving on

[49:20] I guess Craig last name withheld so most of your movies end up being bad

[49:25] bad movies and it seems like the main reason is that they're just they're just

[49:28] boring so how is it possible that a multi-billion dollar industry is

[49:33] consistently turning out stories that are boring is it and is it that they're

[49:38] just enamored they think people are addicted to explosions and awesomeness

[49:42] and they don't care about character development story or what that's part of

[49:45] it I mean my serious answer that would be fear of risk

[49:47] yeah I think that the answer to the question is in the question the fact

[49:51] that it's a multi-billion dollar. Did that blow your mind? It did. Are you Von Doom? You just blew my mind up.

[50:00] Yeah, but the fact that there's such a big investment that they're risk-averse.

[50:04] They have to go to the widest possible audience because they spent a hundred and some odd million, like $200 million on it.

[50:11] And so they kind of don't want to risk any of that money.

[50:16] And clearly the ones we like the most are the ones that are on the smallest budget, are the biggest passion project,

[50:21] and thus we feel the most bad when we make fun of them.

[50:24] Yeah, but those are the craziest ones.

[50:28] What?

[50:30] I thought I heard someone yell something.

[50:36] Hi, Ryan, last name withheld.

[50:39] So I like to interact a lot with my favorite podcasts.

[50:45] That sounds like a threat.

[50:48] That is not a creepy way of putting it.

[50:53] Which type of law and order are we now the victims of?

[50:58] And my question is, how often is too often to tweet at you guys?

[51:04] Like every time I'm at Popeyes, every time I watch Castle Freak,

[51:07] every time my cat knocks something off the table and I mournfully sigh at them.

[51:13] So what's the Twitter etiquette of interacting with podcasters?

[51:16] Yeah, exactly.

[51:20] You know, I mean, if it's something like heartfelt and personal, I don't mind at all.

[51:24] Or if it's just something silly.

[51:26] I did mention last night that we got something like 80 different notifications

[51:32] that there was a Tales from the Crypt M. Night Shyamalan reboot.

[51:36] And so if it's been widely reported in the news, I think you can assume that we've seen it already.

[51:42] Or we will very soon.

[51:43] Yeah, but otherwise I don't think.

[51:45] Yeah, you guys are Hollywood movers and shakers.

[51:47] I mean, tweeting is literally like the least intrusive form of interaction there could be.

[51:52] Maybe if you think to yourself, am I doing this too much?

[51:55] You may be, but who knows?

[51:58] I think about everything all the time.

[52:00] Then I don't know.

[52:02] You've got to feel it out yourself.

[52:04] Look inside you.

[52:06] Gents, Lewis, last name probably Krieger.

[52:11] I would like to listen to the door if I can in Radio Zork.

[52:16] Listen to the door.

[52:17] Okay, that was a choice that was offered yesterday on Radio Zork.

[52:20] I was not here, but I have friends who would.

[52:22] But I'd like to put my ear against the door.

[52:24] Okay, that was good.

[52:25] Choice was to put the ear against the door to listen.

[52:28] You place your ear against the door hoping to catch some sound

[52:33] that might help you to catch the attention of the occupants inside.

[52:37] You do not hear anything.

[52:40] Do you A, pull your ear from the door,

[52:43] B, knock again,

[52:45] or C, try the knob?

[52:48] Tune in next week.

[52:49] We'll have another choice on next week's Radio Zork.

[52:56] On that note, we should wrap it up because there is another event in here after us.

[53:02] So I would just like to thank everyone who came out last night, tonight,

[53:09] both nights in some cases.

[53:11] There are people who came in from out of town, out of state, out of this world.

[53:16] Thank you to the Bell House for being so nice to us.

[53:20] Thank you to Matt and Jesus in the booth.

[53:23] Literally Jesus in the booth as our co-pilot.

[53:28] For the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

[53:31] I've been Stuart Wellington.

[53:33] And I continue to be Elliot Kalin.

[53:35] Good night, everyone.

[53:41] Hmm.

[53:49] In 3, 2,

[53:53] Tonight we want, sorry.

[53:55] I ruined it already.

[53:57] I ruined it already.

[53:58] That's the one.

[53:59] Done in one.

[54:03] Did we get that, Matt?

[54:04] Did we get that?

[54:05] That's why they call him One Mess Up McCoy.

[54:09] He needs one take to shit the bed.

[54:12] Let's try that over again.

[54:15] Maybe count down from a higher number, I don't know.

[54:18] Because it seemed like it took you by surprise when you hit the end of that countdown.

[54:21] My brain needed to catch up with what was going on.

[54:23] Yeah.

[54:24] Alright, here we go.

[54:26] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Floss.

[54:33] Puberty!

[54:36] Why haven't you come for me?

[54:38] It's rare that when you witness a man with a full beard just start puberty.

[54:44] Oh boy.

[54:47] I was up late last night at a bar, alright?

[54:50] Alright.

[54:52] One more time.

[55:08] Maximum Fund.org.

[55:10] Comedy and culture.

[55:11] Artist-owned.

[55:12] Listener-supported.

[55:14] Hello!

[55:15] This month's Beef & Dairy Network podcast is an Olympics special

[55:18] recorded here on Ipanema beach in Rio de Janeiro.

[55:22] We'll be tackling all the big issues.

[55:23] Should athletes be allowed to eat lamb?

[55:25] Should Olympic question riders be able to ride on a cow?

[55:28] All these questions and more

[55:29] answered in this month's Beef & Dairy Network Olympics special.

[55:33] Find us at MaximumFund.org or wherever you get your podcasts from.

Ep.# 210 - Fantastic Four LIVE

Transcript

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