Ep. #211 - Godzilla (1998)

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Godzilla, 1998.

[0:06] Da-da-da-da-da, Godzilla!

[0:09] Well, I can't do better than that.

[0:12] That's that Blue Oyster Cult song.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to The Flophouse.

[0:43] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:44] I've got to say, that was a great opening, Dan.

[0:46] Thanks.

[0:47] As you know, I'm Stu, the Stu Man Wellington.

[0:51] And a classic pass from Dan to Stu, and then on to Elliot Kalin.

[0:55] This is shaping up to be a textbook flophouse.

[0:58] Back to you, Dan.

[0:59] Thanks.

[1:00] So, this is a podcast.

[1:03] Oh, and a stumble right out of the opening gates.

[1:07] What looked to be a classic game.

[1:09] I think you can save it, Elliot.

[1:10] Nope, that's enough of a point loss that we're not going to get a medal.

[1:14] You know sports so well.

[1:16] In case someone was confused, they were going through the stuff on their iPhone or their...

[1:22] Zoom.

[1:23] Whatever they use, and thought, like, maybe this is that YouTube album that got put on everything.

[1:28] Maybe that's what I'm listening to.

[1:30] Yeah, real topical, Dan.

[1:31] That was, what, like, four years ago?

[1:33] I'm just trying to figure out a thing that people might have on their phones.

[1:36] Okay, sure.

[1:37] But instead, they're listening to a podcast.

[1:39] Oh, McAfee virus screening?

[1:43] No.

[1:44] Why are you making fun of him as viciously as you made fun of me?

[1:47] Dan, it's the soft bigotry of low expectations.

[1:50] Because we each play a part in this podcast.

[1:53] I'm the guy who busts your balls.

[1:55] Okay.

[1:56] You're the guy who's supposed to be in charge, but you're always goofing up.

[1:58] And Stuart is the goof up who's always goofing up.

[2:01] I'm the moon boy.

[2:02] Okay.

[2:03] Like Devil Dinosaur and Moon Boy?

[2:05] Yeah.

[2:06] Or, no, from Song, Ice, and Fire.

[2:10] Oh, okay.

[2:12] Oh, right, right, right, the Jester type character.

[2:15] There's so many characters in those books, I can't keep them straight.

[2:17] I'm too busy...

[2:18] Yep, you're too busy learning about actual history.

[2:21] Whatever, dork.

[2:22] Exactly what I was going to say.

[2:24] I thought it was just because you were mooning us right now that you said that.

[2:26] Mm-hmm.

[2:27] And I'm making jokes with my butt cracking like a Jim Carrey type.

[2:31] I'm not sure if you're just a regular...

[2:32] I don't know why the microphone is picking up what you're saying with your butt up to it like that.

[2:35] Well, once you practice your Jim Carrey impression long enough, you can get some really interesting butt sounds.

[2:40] A regular assventura.

[2:41] Anyway, Dan?

[2:42] Again, this is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[2:47] And tonight was a night where we did a contest winner.

[2:53] What contest was this and who won the contest?

[2:56] Try to answer it without looking at your phone right now.

[2:58] Nope, I can't.

[2:59] Okay, I admire your honesty.

[3:01] So this was the charity contest that we did where we were raising money for suicide prevention.

[3:08] And everyone who donated got entered into a lottery.

[3:12] And they could pick out a movie.

[3:15] Like one random person got to pick out a movie.

[3:17] Okay.

[3:18] And what movie did they pick?

[3:19] Well, the winner, who I just snapped out of my phone, his name is Eric North.

[3:24] Oh, the Eric North?

[3:27] From the film North.

[3:28] Yeah, that's right.

[3:29] Elijah Wood's biggest hit.

[3:31] And Bruce Willis' biggest hit.

[3:33] The movie that Roger hated, hated, hated.

[3:36] Hated it.

[3:37] I gotta say, watched it as a kid.

[3:39] That was fine.

[3:40] Yeah.

[3:41] Now, toys.

[3:43] I watched that as a kid.

[3:44] Didn't care for it.

[3:46] Even as a kid, I was like, who is this for?

[3:49] I don't understand who this is for.

[3:51] The movie Toys or North?

[3:52] Kind of both, but more Toys.

[3:54] The part where they pretend to be doing an MTV music video in order to break into the toy building.

[4:00] What was that all about?

[4:01] Now, Dangerous Liaisons, I watched that as a kid.

[4:04] Wasn't supposed to.

[4:05] Shouldn't have.

[4:06] Really liked that part where Uma Thurman took her top off, though.

[4:09] I thought we were just talking about things we saw as a kid.

[4:12] I guess that's what this podcast is about now.

[4:14] Welcome to the KidCast.

[4:15] This is a no-adults-allowed podcast about movies for kids.

[4:19] So, Dan, you were talking about Dangerous Liaisons.

[4:21] That's right.

[4:23] It's based on the book, Liaisons Dangereuses.

[4:28] Let's just call it Dangerous Liaisons.

[4:30] There's a Stephen Frears joint.

[4:33] Uh-huh.

[4:34] Star of Jeremy's Iron.

[4:36] It was the...

[4:38] That didn't happen.

[4:40] So it sounds like a real action thriller.

[4:43] Oh, yeah.

[4:44] It was the Dangerous-est deed.

[4:46] It had Keanu Reeves, action hero.

[4:49] Okay.

[4:50] Extraordinaire.

[4:51] Sure.

[4:52] There was a sword fight with him.

[4:53] Star of Chain Reaction with Morgan Freeman, his biggest role.

[4:55] It was an action movie in that there was a lot of action between characters.

[5:01] Like car chases and shoot-'em-ups?

[5:03] No.

[5:04] Did anyone...

[5:05] Action.

[5:06] People got a lot of action.

[5:07] Did anyone pick up a steampunk time bomb and go like,

[5:09] He's gonna blow!

[5:11] And then throw it at Napoleon.

[5:12] And he was like, Zoot alors!

[5:14] And then he exploded.

[5:15] Yes.

[5:16] And his guts were everywhere.

[5:17] Yeah.

[5:18] And they were like,

[5:19] We're having Italian food for dinner.

[5:21] Mm-hmm.

[5:22] And you're like,

[5:23] Well, technically, he's Corsican.

[5:26] That's right.

[5:27] That was the nerd character, of course.

[5:28] Yeah, yeah.

[5:29] There was a nerd character in that movie.

[5:30] Yeah, played by...

[5:32] Oh, why can't I remember his name?

[5:33] The guy who plays nerds and everything.

[5:34] Eddie Deason.

[5:35] Thank you.

[5:37] Beatles expert Eddie Deason.

[5:39] God bless you, wherever you are.

[5:41] Don't you hate it when you need to fill up your car with regular in,

[5:44] but all they have is Deason?

[5:47] I do hate it.

[5:48] So, Dan, this contest winner...

[5:49] And your muffler goes,

[5:50] Eee! Eee! Eee! Eee!

[5:52] Yep, classic.

[5:53] As you drive around.

[5:54] That's a good Eddie Deason.

[5:55] Thanks.

[5:56] Now, let's hear Arvid.

[5:57] Do all the famous nerds.

[5:59] I don't remember Arvid from Head of the Class.

[6:01] Yeah.

[6:02] Thanks.

[6:03] What about the other Arvids you know?

[6:07] I'm just clarifying.

[6:08] Yeah, yeah.

[6:09] I remember that he was on Head of the Class.

[6:11] I don't remember anything else about him.

[6:13] Then do your Howard Hessman impression.

[6:16] That's pretty good.

[6:17] Hey, it's me, Dr. Johnny Fever.

[6:19] That's pretty good.

[6:20] What about Billy Connolly?

[6:23] This should be super fucking easy now, dude.

[6:25] Come on.

[6:26] Hey, it's me, Dr. Johnny Fever.

[6:28] No, why is he...

[6:29] Is he a vampire?

[6:30] No, why is he also Johnny Fever?

[6:33] Dan, this Billy Connolly impression has raised way more questions

[6:36] than it answered.

[6:38] Put on a pot of coffee, Stuart.

[6:40] We're not going to bed until we figure this out.

[6:43] So, wait.

[6:44] Why did he say it the same way as the other guy said it, Elliot?

[6:47] Why did he say, hey?

[6:49] Let me look at...

[6:50] Is he trying to get our attention?

[6:51] We're already listening.

[6:52] Look at this board of pictures with string connecting them that I put up.

[6:56] You'll see that it all happened on the same night, tonight.

[7:00] What could it mean?

[7:02] So, Dan, Eric North, he chose a movie for us to watch.

[7:05] And what movie?

[7:06] Was it a good movie?

[7:08] Perhaps he sought to spare us and showed us The Devil and Daniel Webster.

[7:12] He did claim that he was going to try and break our brains by recommending

[7:19] that we watch either Castle Freak, Taking a Pelham 1, 2, 3, or His Girl Friday

[7:25] and give those as his choices.

[7:27] Break our brains.

[7:28] I mean, that's what we watch for pleasure.

[7:31] But instead, he gave us negative choices, bad choices.

[7:36] And out of those, we ended up watching...

[7:38] In the spirit of the podcast, yep.

[7:41] And we selected one of those choices.

[7:43] Stuart can't see that I'm doing the stretch for time motion to Dan.

[7:49] We got to fill this podcast.

[7:51] See above.

[7:54] R.E. Ray, our mission statement.

[7:58] We watched Godzilla, the Matthew Broderick version.

[8:01] Now, here's the thing I'm going to warn you guys.

[8:03] This podcast may go four or five hours because I have so many memories

[8:07] associated with this movie when it came out from...

[8:11] You lost your virginity to this movie, right?

[8:13] I mean, yes, but that's not what I was going to talk about.

[8:17] Almost like, what was that, the Empire State Building and Godzilla later on?

[8:21] Yeah, when Godzilla totally is having sex in the building.

[8:24] Godzilla after tricking the military and destroying other landmark buildings.

[8:28] Oh, my God, that was my favorite scene in the whole fucking movie.

[8:31] Godzilla jumps onto a building, turns around,

[8:34] and gives the fucking helicopters a look like,

[8:37] uh-oh, are you going to shoot me?

[8:39] And then they try and shoot him, and he just fucking jumps out of the way.

[8:42] Those missiles hit the Chrysler Building,

[8:44] and Godzilla celebrates by penetrating the Empire State Building.

[8:47] He clutches it in an embrace and just arches his back in ecstasy

[8:50] and just roars to the skies as he experiences some kind of gargantuan reptile orgasm,

[8:55] flooding the interiors of the Empire State Building.

[8:58] Now, once again, the tallest building,

[9:00] well, briefly again, the tallest building in New York,

[9:02] with his radioactive semen, I can only assume.

[9:04] He's a very confused lizard.

[9:06] He reproduces asexually.

[9:08] He's apparently a male that lays eggs.

[9:10] Well, here's the thing.

[9:11] They keep calling him he, and that's sexist,

[9:13] because back then people were like,

[9:15] you can't have a girl Godzilla.

[9:17] That would ruin my childhood.

[9:18] Godzilla's a man only.

[9:20] So they keep calling him he.

[9:21] And Kate McKinnon came along and proved that she could be a great Godzilla.

[9:25] She would be a great Godzilla.

[9:27] She could do anything.

[9:28] That's why they call doing anything McKinnon-ing.

[9:31] McKinnon-ing.

[9:33] Now, when this movie came out, and still,

[9:36] I was a big Godzilla fan.

[9:38] Back then, I was reading G-Fan magazine all the time.

[9:41] This is 1998, as Dan has said a couple times.

[9:44] I was 16 years old.

[9:47] Big Godzilla fan.

[9:48] I had seen all the Japanese originals many times.

[9:50] I hadn't seen all of the newer Japanese movies.

[9:53] What are they called?

[9:54] The Heisei?

[9:55] No, the Millennium Series, I guess.

[9:56] But what are you going to do?

[9:57] Anyway, and I remember reading an article.

[10:00] G fan magazine that was like rumors about that had leaked about this new Godzilla movie and how terrible it was gonna be and leaked

[10:06] Designs of the monster and that Sony then was like no no no that none of that stuff is true

[10:12] And then it all turned out to be exactly true. I can only imagine that you were

[10:17] You told your parents all about this article over dinner one night

[10:22] But then it's funny to me in this era that print is weird when print is dead that there was once

[10:28] Able to support something called G fan magazine. Well, it was very just right. It's still around. Yeah, I mean, it's a pretty I

[10:36] Mean back when I was reading it

[10:37] It was on like kind of the cheapest newsprint and I think it's only marginally better paper now

[10:42] Like it's always fan art covers and stuff like that. It's not I mean, this is not a time

[10:46] This is not like a time magazine publication. This is not from

[10:52] What's that big magazine publisher that does like Vanity Fair and stuff?

[10:55] Condé Nast, thank you. It's more Condé Nasty

[11:02] That it's down and dirty but there was a it's a it was always kind of like a

[11:08] publication by fans for fans, I assume but uh

[11:12] Those a publication by fans for I don't know the you know, the intellectual elite

[11:21] People in the Godzilla industry

[11:25] But I remember the was seeing the movie and being like all the stuff that was in those rumors were true and feeling like I

[11:30] Had achieved a victory of some kind and only now am I like?

[11:33] Oh, but my money went to the people who made this movie

[11:36] So why am I acting like I did something really good or like that?

[11:40] That was a victory that these rumors turned out to be true

[11:42] But I remember the whole I mean, I guess it just renewed your faith in the journalistic integrity of G fan magazine

[11:48] Yeah, I'm like these guys know what they're talking about

[11:51] This was the Watergate of Godzilla and they totally got the story right that's not like at the time fucking

[11:58] What was that any cool news when they're like we saw an early version?

[12:01] We saw an early part fan of menace and that shit was amazing best movie of all time, dude

[12:06] Look, no, but they famously did that with fucking Godzilla. Like oh they did

[12:11] Yeah

[12:12] This was like a big thing like Harry Knowles or Knowles or what?

[12:20] Easy

[12:24] Easy on movies that aren't very good as long as there's genre pictures you invite me down to your set to hang out for a

[12:30] Day, I'll say it's the best movie. Yeah, like

[12:32] Flown out to the premiere and like they had it on like the deck of the Intrepid or something like that and like

[12:37] Oh, that's where the Daily Show last episode party was. Yeah. Oh were you guys might have been the same fucking spot?

[12:42] That's right broader can Harry know if only in Hank Azaria

[12:46] And Devlin and Emmerich and whoever the woman who was who was in this movie

[12:51] We'll get to that before but so I didn't realize that about Harry Knowles. Is that site still around?

[12:55] Yeah, it still looks exactly like it did. That's the best thing about it

[12:59] There's a reason that that year's Gulitzer for Godzilla reporting didn't go to any cool news and said went to G fan again

[13:05] But like I'm sure you guys remember the ad campaign where unlike buses

[13:09] It would be like his foot is bigger than this bus and on sides of buildings like he's taller than this building

[13:15] They're trying to create mystery around Godzilla a character who had been around at that point for 44 years

[13:21] Like he was gonna look different. Were you people get the New York at the time?

[13:25] I was living in New Jersey still that was in New York a bit

[13:28] Cuz that's that was what the age when I was taking that on the weekends

[13:32] I would take the train and just kind of walking home one, two, three all that. Yeah

[13:37] And

[13:38] the the big thing I remember about this movie was that it was kind of like

[13:42] At least that I can remember one of the last big gasps of

[13:46] Like a big-budget summer movie having like fast-food tie-ins with a ton of commercials related to it

[13:52] Yeah, Taco Bell. It was Taco Bell, man

[13:54] I didn't see this movie in the theater, but I remember that like shitty poster

[13:58] So well, this was back when I would go see movies in the theater

[14:02] I didn't think I was gonna like because I wanted to support that type of movie like seeing spawn in the theater

[14:07] I don't give a shit about spawn

[14:09] I've never liked that comic don't like the character, but it was like what about the violator character?

[14:14] He's kind of like the Joker if the Joker was also a demon now

[14:16] It's like if the Joker was a demon and pulled people's hearts out, but he also I mean wasn't very funny

[14:23] well

[14:24] But there's a scene in the spawn movie actually where the violator is

[14:27] Talking to spawns daughter and if I'm remembering correctly

[14:30] He's holding a balloon in his hand and his head deflates and the balloon inflates and vice versa and the daughter is just like mom

[14:36] There's a clown at the door and no one questions that this he's doing something supernatural with his head

[14:42] But anyway

[14:42] I would go I went to see spawn because it was like they may never make another

[14:46] Superhero movie based on a comic book if spawn doesn't do well. And now of course, I'm missing superhero movies left and right

[14:52] There's two men

[14:52] I've definitely talked to people like guys who grew up with the spawn movie and to this day are like the Cape special effects are

[14:59] amazing

[15:01] Well, you gotta admit that bro, and I'm like, I don't remember but I guess it's fine

[15:06] My journalistic integrity in this case is on the line

[15:09] I'm amazing you mean that they look as crazy and fake as Rob or as Todd McFarlane's you were about to say Rob Liefeld

[15:16] No, but I knew that was wrong. I knew that was wrong

[15:19] That's a good point. It was Todd McFarlane. I saw toys. I saw this movie

[15:25] They actually had to change the name

[15:26] It was Todd toys and then he was sued by whoever makes Barbie Mattel or something because they had a toy named Todd

[15:31] Oh

[15:32] Tom McFarlane has a bad history of being sued about names

[15:36] He named that gangster Tony twist and he got sued by that hockey player. Oh

[15:43] Sorry the hockey players

[15:45] Twister he named a gangster Tony twister rally and he was sued by the hockey player and lost I think now what about

[15:50] Rob Liefeld naming a character bedrock and he had to go to do the same. Why would you ever rock?

[15:55] Well, he also he was originally gonna name the character Fred Flintstone's a copyright

[16:02] I saw this movie the character Mickey Mouse. Hey, dude

[16:07] You saw what I saw this movie of all places in a movie theater ass like

[16:14] In college. There's a college. Did he go to there's a Mayterm movie class where like I mean like I got introduced to like a lot

[16:21] Of interesting movies through this class like in class we watched Godzilla the Peacemaker Broken Arrow

[16:28] Watch a huge movie watch Simple Men the Howl Howl Hartley movie. We watched like seven beauties

[16:33] We watched interesting like what's more?

[16:36] Movies and Godzilla. They're all the same but like the teacher just loved movies so much. He's like, let's all go see a movie as a class

[16:44] Let's go see Godzilla. That's without and so he's like he kept looking over him and he was just like cackling at it like at every point

[16:53] Movies

[16:56] Because I thought that class was the class equivalent of

[16:59] Your video collection when you include the things your relatives give you as gift or it's like, all right

[17:05] I've got this Akira Kurosawa set and this anymore Bergman set and then I've got

[17:09] And then I've got jingle all the way

[17:11] Your relatives are like you like movies

[17:13] There is nothing better than going to an old person's house and seeing their their VHS collection of like five tapes

[17:20] And you're like, you know, one of them shits is gonna be mrs. Doubtfire. No fucking question

[17:25] My wife and I stay in a lot of Airbnbs and I love to look at the DVD selections, but they're awesome crazy

[17:34] Volunteers

[17:38] Why do you have a copy of White Knight starring Billy Crystal and Gregory

[17:44] Or like the net like of course old people are scared of the net

[17:50] So this movie Godzilla's those were a lot of reminiscences about when it came out

[17:53] So I say this movie was a big deal for me as a kid because it's the first time I think I remember

[17:59] Knowing a movie was gonna be crappy ahead of time. Yeah, and then seeing it and being like that was garbage

[18:05] I feel validated even though I just spent money on this. Mm-hmm. So you you were

[18:10] Like an internet person way before the Internet was back when the most internet I was doing was occasionally

[18:16] I am in with my friends on America online

[18:19] Sometimes and trying to download porn without

[18:22] Anyone finding out downloading that forever one picture of Terry Hatcher naked beneath a blanket. Sure. Yeah, which showed nothing

[18:29] Yeah, everyone was downloading it. Yeah, it's in a news group after all

[18:34] This is news

[18:37] Mother I'm just learning the news. So I'm just a woman under blanket

[18:42] I'm just downloading the news about Asian nurse dot org

[18:47] I think they had that org back then. Anyway, so Godzilla should we talk to be all correct dot Asian nerds?

[18:56] They call them otaku Asian nerds anyway Asian nurses, I don't know what they call them, you know

[19:02] So let's talk briefly about the movies

[19:04] But we don't need to go through the whole plot in detail because it's just a big stupid Godzilla movie

[19:08] But it's a lizard attacks town film at 11. Yeah, you just became the game rampage for a second

[19:17] So we open with a title credit sequence that's not that different from the Godzilla from a couple years ago title card sequence

[19:22] There's just but except it's just stock footage of lizards and then stock footage of it's like atomic explosions

[19:28] Yeah, well like stock like footage of old-timey nuclear tests. Yeah. Yeah, but with with like

[19:35] Overlaid footage of iguanas and Komodo dragons and it's like the movie is like this plus this equals Godzilla get it stupid

[19:44] That's movie math. Yeah, like it expects you to be watching and be like, oh my god

[19:48] Those innocent lizards are so close to that explosion. Somebody save them. Mm-hmm. And now a train is coming at us. Ah

[19:56] We're fine. A cowboy is firing out of the screen at us. Ah

[20:00] I don't know. Workers are leaving a factory.

[20:03] A kiss. It's like every single movie is last action hero.

[20:08] In a way, it is. So Godzilla.

[20:12] So Godzilla. So there's a Japanese fishing trawler.

[20:15] It gets destroyed by some mysterious beast cut to there's some cut to Matthew

[20:21] Broderick is digging up worms in Chernobyl.

[20:24] He's a researcher who is who is investigating how radioactivity makes worms a

[20:28] little bit bigger than they normally are.

[20:30] The State Department lands a helicopter in the Chernobyl radiation fields and

[20:36] takes them away to an island.

[20:39] It's a mighty good crop of radiation we're growing here in Chernobyl.

[20:42] Yeah, I got a 40 head of radiation worms.

[20:47] Chernobyl farms are members.

[20:49] Anyway, they take him to an island where there's a bunch of Godzilla footprints.

[20:53] And they say, we want you to investigate this thing.

[20:55] He says, I think this is a lizard made big from radiation.

[20:59] And everyone's like, what? Come on.

[21:00] And I think, as Dan pointed out, maybe Stuart, why do they get the guy who is an

[21:06] expert on things getting bigger by radiation if they didn't think that this thing was

[21:09] the thing that got bigger by radiation?

[21:11] I mean, maybe he just knew the right people.

[21:13] I don't know. Epitome.

[21:15] He wore a pretty cool hat for a while.

[21:17] He had like an early primitive version of a Kangal hat.

[21:21] Well, I think weren't Kangals popular in the 70s, Elliot?

[21:25] I wasn't alive then. I don't know.

[21:28] Here's what was popular in the 70s.

[21:30] Disco, whipping inflation now.

[21:34] And Wars in the Stars.

[21:37] Yeah. Not in Vietnam, though.

[21:39] That was not popular.

[21:40] Waterbeds.

[21:41] And water gates.

[21:43] And if that waterbed could spin around like it was round, go for it.

[21:47] Just do it. Because you know what I like while I'm having sex?

[21:49] To be super dizzy.

[21:51] And seasick.

[21:51] It keeps it keeps me from ejaculating too soon because I'm vomiting.

[21:56] Your ejaculate actually goes back up inside of you because you're so nauseous.

[22:00] And it's a tributal force.

[22:01] Yeah. And then we got another junior situation on our hands.

[22:05] Now I'm pregnant with myself.

[22:08] Anyway, so this is going to have an explicit adults only tag on iTunes, right?

[22:14] iTunes, as I just called it.

[22:17] Now, your acapella group.

[22:19] That just sings about podcasts and downloadable songs and the iTunes users agreement.

[22:24] Now, long story short, it's Godzilla.

[22:27] It attacks an American fishing boat and then it heads to New York City because it's a lizard with a dream to make it on the great white way of Broadway to be on the stage in front of them all.

[22:40] Their upturned faces looking at me as big as a tree, a really big tree because I'm Godzilla.

[22:48] They'll have to open up the theater roof.

[22:51] Only do day shows, maybe at night, but not if it's raining, which might be a problem because it's raining in every New York City, every scene in the entire movie.

[23:02] It's for the whole movie.

[23:03] I mean, not in the tropical areas, which is where it normally rains all the time, except actually that when they're on it was raining at the beginning when they're in the tropics, when he is getting the worms.

[23:14] But then like getting the worms, that's Russia.

[23:16] That's not the tropics.

[23:18] I mean, that's a pretty loose definition of the tropics.

[23:20] I think it's Chernobyl is the tropics in the same way that all people are brothers.

[23:27] We're not really.

[23:28] Well, it's because it looked exactly like the next scene where they were supposed to be in the tropics.

[23:32] That's true. But it's raining everywhere.

[23:34] And I think, Stuart, were you saying that you thought it'd be funny if one of Godzilla's powers is that he makes it rain everywhere?

[23:39] I assume that was one of his powers.

[23:40] Yeah, he's like Aurora Monroe, Storm of the X-Men.

[23:44] When, you know, Aurora Monroe means fucking business, it starts storming.

[23:47] Her eyes cloud up and you're like, oh, you know what happened?

[23:51] I'm going to go work on the Blackbird.

[23:53] I'm forage. I don't need to deal with this.

[23:55] I thought you just made it rain like, you know, dollar dollar bills, y'all.

[23:59] Yeah, that's Godzilla's power is that this movie is so successful that he just throws money at everybody.

[24:04] Right. Yeah. Yeah.

[24:05] He loses money from bad investments, bad spending.

[24:07] Godzilla will just walk up to you in front of your house and be like, what's the most expensive thing you own?

[24:11] I want to buy it from you.

[24:12] Just to show that he can just to show that he's worth more than you and the things that you most value are nothing to him.

[24:19] They're literally things he could just buy whenever he wants.

[24:21] He burns in front of you.

[24:22] Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes it's your children.

[24:26] So the trick is you give him something that you want him to burn, like this giant thing.

[24:30] Oh, we do.

[24:31] Tok Tok 420.

[24:34] We're like a big bag of dog poop.

[24:36] And then when it's on fire, he's like, I got to put this out and he gets dog poop all over his feet.

[24:40] And he doesn't even wear shoes.

[24:41] Yeah, because if he burns them, you're the winner.

[24:45] You've won over Godzilla.

[24:46] Yep.

[24:46] How's that feel?

[24:48] Turn the tables.

[24:49] In your face, you big dumb lizard man.

[24:51] Looks like the monster has become the monstee.

[24:52] So smash cut to New York City.

[24:55] We're introduced to Matthew Broderick's love interest, a former flame now working at a news place.

[25:02] Her name is Audrey, and she's played by an actress that none of us recognize.

[25:06] Roland Emmerich movies are kind of fun because they usually have interesting casting compared to other action movies.

[25:12] They don't just have action stars.

[25:14] Yeah, I mean, there were a ton of minorities in this movie, right?

[25:17] Well, OK, maybe not that.

[25:19] But it's not like I'm going to just put, you know, Action Star X in this movie.

[25:26] It's like, this movie is going to star Matthew Broderick and Jean Reno.

[25:31] Action Star X was when Malcolm X made that one action movie.

[25:34] Yeah. And this movie has, like, Harry Shearer in it and Hank Azaria.

[25:41] And Nancy Cartwright in a small role.

[25:43] It's a Simpsons reunion.

[25:44] Yeah. And all these character actors show up.

[25:47] And then meanwhile, the lead lady.

[25:49] Jean Reno, right?

[25:50] Yeah. This was from the time when Jean Reno was in every fucking movie.

[25:55] And then the leading lady is someone that we don't know who she is.

[25:57] Yeah. I'm sure the Internet will be like, dummies.

[26:03] She's famous. She's in this, this and this.

[26:05] Well, our brains only can contain so much information.

[26:08] And you know what?

[26:08] If we knew everything, we'd have no impetus to keep learning.

[26:11] And at that point, we might as well be dead because learning is living, friends.

[26:15] So learning is living.

[26:16] Exactly. Dummy.

[26:19] What a dummy. The syndicated TV show about a dummy that talks.

[26:24] You guys remember that show?

[26:25] No, I don't.

[26:26] It was on it was up on Channel 9 in the New Jersey, New York area.

[26:30] It was one of these shows that was in syndication only.

[26:32] Like out of this world.

[26:35] And you were like, does this show even?

[26:37] Out of this world that was on before My Secret Identity.

[26:41] It's the one with the girl whose dad's an alien, right?

[26:44] Yeah. Yeah. That was the one where on her 16th birthday, she got a second magic power

[26:48] and she like tried them all out and then decided she's good.

[26:50] She doesn't need to be able to fucking fly or something.

[26:53] I guess so. But like a show produced for syndication.

[26:56] And I remember being like, this is a dumb show.

[26:58] Does this show actually exist?

[27:00] And then we went, my family, to Universal Studios Hollywood.

[27:03] Actually, though, it was in Orlando.

[27:05] And then Larger Than Life on one of the fake studio

[27:08] soundstages is a big what a dummy poster like those enormous banner posters.

[27:12] And I remember there was a poster for that and a poster for Army of Darkness.

[27:15] And I was like, well, I know which of these I want to watch.

[27:19] As a kid, I had not seen the Evil Dead movies.

[27:21] And so Army of Darkness was like just seeing the poster was like,

[27:24] what the hell is this?

[27:25] I know, dude.

[27:26] I remember seeing that poster in like a fucking Sam Goody or something

[27:29] and being like, well, how can I not be experiencing this right now?

[27:33] What is this?

[27:34] Just stick it in my eyes right now.

[27:36] So there's interesting character actors, et cetera, et cetera.

[27:39] His ex, his ex flame is a reporter.

[27:41] She works for Harry Shearer, who is like a real full of himself

[27:46] anchor who hits on her even though he's married.

[27:50] And Hank, his area is this cameraman named Animal, who's like, hey,

[27:54] a real New York guy.

[27:55] Oh, my God.

[27:56] Oh, oh, the best over the top New York performance.

[28:02] So that's something so 90s about this, too.

[28:04] Like it calls up into being a New York

[28:07] that I don't think has existed since the 70s, maybe.

[28:10] Well, it's like, no, no, it's it's it was like Roland Emmerich's like, no, no, no.

[28:15] More New York, please.

[28:17] It's the same way that in Superman Returns.

[28:19] There's that cabbie who's like, hey, there's a Superman in the sky.

[28:22] Well, what's this?

[28:23] It's like, come on, dude.

[28:25] Like this.

[28:25] They had that cabbie died 30 years ago.

[28:28] Yeah, it's this it's this special New York of the 90s.

[28:31] Where's the West Indian cabbie who does not care about what's happening?

[28:36] He's got a lot of fucking he's he's been a lot.

[28:40] Won't get off his damn phone the whole ride.

[28:43] Oh, I didn't say that.

[28:46] But the this is the this is I mean, this I'm going to get serious for a moment.

[28:50] Sure. This is a this is a very specific New York.

[28:53] And this is the post Giuliani safe, but not sure exactly how to deal with that.

[28:59] How is it safe? There's a fucking giant lizard on the man.

[29:02] I guess I was safe, but pre 9-11 New York.

[29:06] And like this is the New York that that like this is again, like I said,

[29:10] this is New York.

[29:11] I used to go into as a high schooler just by myself.

[29:14] And my parents were like, yeah, that's fine.

[29:15] You can walk around New York by yourself. That's OK.

[29:18] Whereas when I was a kid, I don't think they would have felt that way in the 80s.

[29:21] But it's before like there was this feeling of like New York, whatever.

[29:26] Everything's great all the time.

[29:27] There was still that attitude.

[29:29] But it was before September 11th,

[29:31] which happened when I was at NYU, when I was a junior, I guess.

[29:35] So like this New York that I very briefly knew as a young adult, which was like.

[29:41] Our problems are over, except the big problem is that things aren't as gritty

[29:45] as they used to be, what happened to being afraid in New York?

[29:47] And then suddenly like that, New York went away and a much scarier

[29:51] in a lot of ways, New York suddenly happened and everyone was like,

[29:55] oh, whatever happened to that New York from the 90s where everything was OK all the time.

[30:00] The the Godzilla just in that New York like the idea they mentioned the World

[30:04] Trade Center bombing yeah in it which happens like so discordant was like what

[30:09] six or seven years before or I remember how what year that was but like it felt

[30:14] very like watching the movie now it's I would say it's slightly less fun to see

[30:20] New York buildings get destroyed except it's totally not true it's slightly less

[30:23] fun but it's still pretty fun at times I mean it's less fun because it isn't done

[30:28] interestingly or in any way that doesn't look like they're the helicopters

[30:33] are doing a fucking trench run on the Death Star yeah so these buildings that

[30:37] I guess are about 10 feet apart like the street like it does at times make it

[30:41] look like New York is like Dark City just there's like labyrinth of sky

[30:45] looking as dark so no not at all or like all the streets are like old European

[30:50] goat paths that have been built up and there's no space between the bill you

[30:54] just run your laundry line between these midtown skyscrapers but it's like it

[30:58] feels very weird watching it and being like come on guys like let's not pretend

[31:02] this giant lizard running around is gonna be that big a problem like there's

[31:05] really bad stuff that's gonna happen and I don't know exactly what like I wasn't

[31:10] going in where simply that was like it's this mythical New York that like just

[31:14] existed for a moment and they're still throwing in old-timey New York like yeah

[31:18] like the old guy on the pier who's fishing and you're like oh man this guy's

[31:22] gonna catch Godzilla and no shit he'd totally catch the Godzilla here's one

[31:26] Godzilla makes his appearance in New York exactly is that an old man waddles

[31:29] down the dock here's the thing about this movie it is so for a movie made in

[31:33] 1998 this is I feel like this is a movie let's like BM like before matrix it's

[31:42] like the I feel like the matrix after that it was harder to do a movie that

[31:46] was so like goofy old-fashioned and that it's like everything's moving fast

[31:52] here's a joke scene joke scene joke scene joke uh-oh this cute old man's

[31:56] gonna go down at the end of the dock and start fishing and these two bums are

[32:00] like you'll never catch anything haha and he throws his lure in and the with

[32:05] a bobber whatever the thing is seconds later seconds later it gets pulled from

[32:10] him and he's like whoa whoa whoa whoa and this line snaps and then I'm first

[32:13] off don't don't portray fishing unrealistically dude it takes fucking

[32:18] forever it's a lot of sitting around pretty boring if the first time I threw

[32:21] my lure and I called a fucking Zilla right away I'd be doing that shit every

[32:25] day man and here's the other thing though it's raining all the time that

[32:29] guy is a man hallelujah we're going out in the rain to fish but like that this

[32:35] heat his wife probably passed away he's just trying to find a way to panic to

[32:39] fill his day he's only friends his job I mean drunks down at the dock who are

[32:43] making fun of him just waiting for the day he falls and breaks his hip and he

[32:46] knows it's time for him to go you know and he could just get into that bright

[32:50] white light because otherwise he's got to take his own life and he's a Catholic

[32:54] he's not gonna do that he's kind of hoping one of these fish will like pull

[32:57] him into the water and then he'll slowly drift away and it's kind of like

[33:00] falling asleep and going home yeah you know it's he don't feel the the weed on

[33:06] his hands as he returns to his family as he's walking down that dock just hoping

[33:12] he's gonna slip and hit his head and there's just that's it loses

[33:15] consciousness wakes up in heaven his wife is there maybe his son who died in

[33:19] the first Gulf War and then do you not like how dark life has gotten for this

[33:25] comedy character but it's a it's a dumb it's the kind of dumb movie where

[33:29] Godzilla makes his appearance on New York soil by biting a fishing lure and

[33:36] like doing a gag about a fish and he's really coy he like knows how to yeah

[33:40] like a fish that's right he knows how to make an entrance he's a diva and then he

[33:48] throwing things around I can only assume there's a scene on the cutting room

[33:51] floor moments after the the dock explodes and they just threw a bunch of

[33:57] fake wood at those bums that are waiting off to the side that there was an extra

[34:01] scene of them like looking at their liquor bottles and throwing them away

[34:04] yeah never again Stuart was playing we were watching how many styrofoam bricks

[34:09] were thrown at people throughout the movie because there's so much of this

[34:12] movie is like they they obviously have a huge effects budget for the time but

[34:16] it's still only so big so so much of the scenes are like a shitty shot of

[34:22] Godzilla legs running by and then it'll cut to real people with like fake stuff

[34:27] flying at them to make them think and make us feel like oh wow they're in the

[34:31] action they're also even when Godzilla has reached land they don't want to

[34:35] reveal what he looks like they're working towards this mythical amazing

[34:40] debut of the new Godzilla design which is not gonna happen because this Godzilla

[34:43] design looks terrible let's just say it like he looks really bad well he's just

[34:48] really fucking scrawny and cut up dude he's like super muscly super brawny but

[34:54] at the same but he's got this huge head that looks like a fan fan without a

[35:00] mustache the tiny purple he looks more like a lizard man than like a giant

[35:04] lizard yeah with a head lizard man who like you know that guy goes to the gym

[35:08] and lifts man oh yeah yeah and his head is kind of shaped like the barrel of a

[35:11] handgun like or a stapler no his head looks like a stapler that's part of the

[35:16] problem and he looks like a lizard man exactly and so and he's got the smarts

[35:21] of when he's constantly outwitting the military I don't know about you dudes

[35:23] but I love a big-ass fat Godzilla like I want one that looks like he just pounds

[35:28] the food all the time some junk in that trunk like a guy that I like I like I

[35:34] could be that guy doesn't have body shame me what they say the bigger the

[35:39] cushion the sweeter the pushing over buildings yeah and Godzilla makes

[35:45] landfall and the movie plays the same cards over and over again we see Godzilla

[35:50] attack two different fishing boats it's neither is so spectacular that they

[35:54] needed to heighten it or even show us another one and we see so many times

[35:58] people hearing wait but I don't get it from the first one does Godzilla like to

[36:03] attack fishing boats I mean they're establishing that Godzilla likes to eat

[36:06] fish you know what I'm just gonna take that on credit yeah you don't have to

[36:10] explain to me that a big animal likes eating fish nope we need we need to

[36:14] establish a pattern that's how the human brain works Elliot the human brain seeks

[36:18] to find some sort of a pattern in the randomness of events around it it's like

[36:23] if in big night they showed someone eating and then they followed that

[36:26] person to the bathroom and showed them pooping and they're like now you

[36:29] understand how the system works is that the one with key that's where the food

[36:32] went no and and Jeffrey Chaucer I forgot that one exists except that is that one

[36:43] called first night also I thought all the nights in jail

[36:46] that's certainly called Sean Connery and Richard Gere in first night I wish that

[36:49] was called big night though because he ledgers such a big so what were you

[36:57] oh yeah so they keep showing people like hearing Godzilla's footsteps and

[37:01] being like what's that and then Godzilla shows up a couple times as if the people

[37:06] watching the movie are resetting their brains with each scene how New Yorkers

[37:12] are so caught up in the old rat race dude and they do that a couple times a

[37:15] scene where someone's so busy on the phone or listening to their headphones

[37:18] they don't even notice guys don't see the giant green screens behind them like

[37:22] the movie is just keeps it's like the movie keeps hitting a skip and showing

[37:27] you the same thing over and over again anyway Matthew Broderick gets brought in

[37:30] the army gets brought in Manhattan gets evacuated Manhattan is consistently

[37:34] called New York throughout the movie Muppets take Manhattan and briefly

[37:37] briefly then Godzilla crushes them yeah I as a Brooklyn resident become offended

[37:42] that New York apparently is just Manhattan and the outer boroughs are

[37:45] meaningless to this film you know what without Manhattan we do just fine

[37:49] Brooklyn was its own city once that can be its own city again anyway isn't it

[37:54] now the second biggest city in the world it's it's but it's the first best mm-hmm

[37:58] so God's relation you can keep your Manhattan high-rise baby or third but

[38:05] you know you just know that Godzilla and his babies and like oh I have a family

[38:09] now I got to go where it's safer it's a little cuter and they're gonna come and

[38:12] raise our rents because suddenly there's these rich monsters moving in I'm tired

[38:17] of monsterification ruining neighborhoods and I'm tired of the

[38:22] monster fact wait hold on monster up you doing it I don't even know the monster

[38:29] vision monster vision on the end of television and yep ruining now I'm right

[38:35] with you oh that's great wait oh great stuff hold on so we stop it around the

[38:41] army's trying to fucking crazy Matthew Broderick's full of good ideas put a big

[38:45] pile of fish over here and then shoot him a bunch of times well that didn't

[38:48] work and the helicopter blew up a lot of buildings the fish you would think good

[38:52] point my I was not clear put a pile of fish together to lure Godzilla over it

[38:57] she Godzilla shooting the fish will make you feel good for a minute yeah it builds

[39:02] up your confidence it'd be pretty funny think about building up a pile of fish

[39:07] and just shooting it and then you're like it's like shooting fish in a pile

[39:10] yeah it's even easier than shooting him in a barrel cuz the barrels not getting

[39:14] your way now talking about technology in 1998 okay we've all agreed that the CGI

[39:22] does not age well the special effects for the most part like there are some

[39:26] practical effects in it that look great yeah but the CGI looks very bad but

[39:30] weirdly enough the army also suffers from some technological problems Elliot

[39:34] because you think with a giant-ass lizard running around they'd be able to

[39:38] fucking see that thing with their their heat vision goggles no it turns out

[39:42] because Godzilla is cold-blooded then he cannot he does not show up on

[39:47] infrared and also heat-seeking missiles don't seek him they seek everything else

[39:51] at one point they go his temperature is colder than the environment around him

[39:56] now maybe this is because of the army taking missiles will just strike that

[40:00] Abourette's

[40:01] Cart and blow up all the dogs. Ah, I escaped my native country's oppression for this and that's the owner of the the subrets car

[40:09] Mm-hmm. Now, they'll just hit Cleveland because I hear it's hot there

[40:13] Okay, it is hot in Cleveland. Yeah, because of all the because of Betty White's

[40:18] and Wendy Malum's and

[40:21] Daphne's

[40:22] Okay, who's the other woman on that?

[40:25] Three I've never seen it in show. That's not a woman and he wants you to know that

[40:31] Bing dong, he's right outside. What he says that you calling a woman is ridiculous

[40:35] Okay. Thanks Bronson. Thanks for stopping by now

[40:39] What if Bronson the movie with Tom Hardy was about Bronson Pinchot?

[40:43] Fucking meme somewhere that shit Tom Hardy had to do a balky Bartok almost impression

[40:48] He gets all greased up and naked and they does

[40:51] Moose

[40:52] Now come at me quiz and Larry

[40:57] Maybe it's the urban heat island effect that urban areas tend to trap heat and it gets hotter around them because

[41:03] There's just so much energy and activity and so forth. It is raining like a mofo. You think the rain?

[41:08] Yeah would tamp down the temperature temperature if you will and so it just doesn't squint

[41:14] He's eating all this fucking fish his body's like converts that delicious fish into energy that energy's heat, baby

[41:20] Also, he's running around like crazy. He's burning energy fast. So I mean one that's why I stay so cut is he's always

[41:30] 90x yeah, do you see that like V right around his his hips? Yeah, how can I not look at it?

[41:36] Yeah, right. I was belt. It's cold. Yeah, I think it's called something else

[41:44] And Keith Urban Dictionary, it's called American pride anyway

[41:50] so moving along

[41:53] Matthew Broderick's full of good ideas, but they just can't stop this Godzilla. And so

[41:58] One thing leads to another they blow it up with a bunch of submarine missiles and they think it's dead dead dead

[42:03] Meanwhile, Matthew Broderick has fallen into disrepute because he says this thing is pregnant

[42:09] I took some pregnancy tests from a drugstore that somehow still open and

[42:13] I tested its

[42:15] Blood I guess yeah

[42:17] I mean, this is the thing like it he like the only sample you see him taking is like up some like pink goo

[42:23] But then later on he seems to have just like a vial of Godzilla urine

[42:26] You gotta believe that that God's after swimming through all that water Godzilla must have swallowed a lot. It's piano

[42:31] I always feel like crazy, but that is like

[42:34] Wow, how did Matthew Broderick get that Godzilla fee?

[42:38] deleted scenes

[42:40] Some pee out of him sneaking up to Godzilla in a urinal costume

[42:49] Good I gotta go

[42:51] zip and

[42:53] So Matthew Broderick looks at the cameras as it's a living and then the scene and yeah winks at it big laughs movie over

[43:03] Interesting into the movie. I hope there's a post-credit sequence

[43:10] I

[43:11] Would love to see I guess Takashi Mika has kind of done his Godzilla ish type stuff

[43:15] He did a giant monster movie, didn't he? I think so

[43:18] He did have an Ultraman type movie. I thought I

[43:21] Mean, there's also what's big man. Japan is not him, but it's kind of what he might do. Yeah, I monster movie, but uh anywho

[43:30] He tells that army Godzilla's a hermaphrodite he

[43:34] Reproduces armies like you just ruined my childhood new reproduces asexually and he's got a ton of babies

[43:40] Somewhere that he's laid the eggs for the toys collecting all this firsh and we got to stop him and they're like

[43:45] Hey, did you leak a tape to your girlfriend ex-girlfriend reporter of Godzilla footage?

[43:50] And he's like, uh by accident maybe and they fire him

[43:54] Luckily Jean Renaud has been watching everything throughout the whole movie with a serious Frenchman genre mysterious band of Frenchmen

[44:00] And here's another way that you can tell this is a pre 9-11 movie. Is that the American military is portrayed terribly?

[44:07] Incredibly incompetent super shit together super bumbling whereas the French secret

[44:12] They are about as bumbling as the American military would be if this was a Japanese made movie

[44:18] Yeah, I would just say step aside bumblebees because someone else deserves the title of bumble

[44:24] It's the American military in Godzilla. You know what? You're now called not as bumbly B. Mm-hmm

[44:31] Well, I'm talking about the transforming robot or the animal both watch out bumble and bumble which I think is what a haircutting place

[44:38] Yeah, it's a hair

[44:40] treatment

[44:41] It's like creams and such

[44:43] But cream in your hair. Yeah, I

[44:46] Mean, I'm like cream that you get if you're like kitty cat

[44:50] Kitty cat don't say it that way. It's creepy. Yeah. Okay. Stop doing that. I don't like it

[44:55] But creamy put your hair, okay, well anyway now your calls comes out of a cow's dick or something. Yeah, that's right

[45:03] anyway

[45:04] Squeeze a cow. I see why Stewart lost that contract doing the educational film strips for grade schools

[45:12] Anyway, where's your milk come from? I don't know

[45:17] Yeah fire safety get away from that fire dudes

[45:25] So this is like drivers Ed films like check out these accidents man, but check them out slow your car down look at

[45:34] The part look if it's got a dead man's curve speed the hell up I want to see that dead man

[45:39] Is it like in phantasm? Yep. Is there that's a dead-on impression of me guys. Yeah classic

[45:46] Like listening to a mirror, but in this movie, but in this movie the French Intelligence Service is

[45:52] Amazingly great at everything. They're the best

[45:54] Oh, yeah, and five of them led by genre no can do more better than the entire US military

[45:59] So Matthew Broderick hooks up with them

[46:01] They ask for his help finding the nest of these Godzilla monsters

[46:05] Can they find it normal Godzilla's been roasted underwater as far as they know as far as they know

[46:11] Normal Godzilla is dead in the water literally and they have to find the babies. They find them where else

[46:18] MSG Madison Square Garden, that's right

[46:21] The building built on the ruins of the most beautiful building in the city, which was destroyed sadly

[46:27] Upkeep was a real problem. But anyway, I'm talking about the old Penn Station. Yeah

[46:32] So real tragedy. Yeah, there's actual tragedy

[46:35] It is now they find all these Godzilla eggs and they're like we got to blow them up

[46:39] Oh, they start hatching because here's the thing about Matthew Broderick

[46:43] He's always around where Godzilla is gonna be also

[46:46] we've established at this point that Godzilla despite being enormous can somehow comfortably creep through the subway tunnels an

[46:52] Area that I find cramped and uncomfortable and I'm a smaller than normal, man. I am in no way a giant lizard. No

[47:04] Only in that I'm larger than normal lizard

[47:06] but I still bask on a rock for most of the day and

[47:09] Kind of blink in a way that implies that I don't understand my surroundings and if a snake bites my tail

[47:15] I can just lose it and race off and grow like a stump of your new tail

[47:19] Yeah, but otherwise you're nothing like a lizard nothing like a lizard. Otherwise, yeah

[47:24] So when also I saw you like in a lineup with a lizard, there's like a 50% chance

[47:30] I'd pick you to not be the lizard. Yeah. Yeah, I think that's fair and then I get off the crime of being a lizard

[47:34] Yeah

[47:36] So they find this egg nest so they go to a Madison Square Garden wherever Matthew Broderick is Godzilla is sure to follow

[47:41] I would think maybe they're in cahoots and God

[47:44] He's already Matthew Broderick has already had a J. Jonah Jameson was in this movie. He would assume they were in cahoots

[47:49] Yeah, Matthew Broderick has already had a moment. I was a menace

[47:54] He killed those two people in Ireland. Oh, come on

[47:58] Where is that blasted Parker when you need him right here chief, I got no, I don't call you chief

[48:03] I guess that's what Jimmy Olsen calls Perry white they win, but I call you JJJ

[48:07] What JJ anyway, I got these pictures of spider-man spider-man's old news. No one cares

[48:11] I want this Broderick fella and this Godzilla. I hear they're an item broadzilla. That's the celebrity name

[48:17] It's going on the front page

[48:18] Really the front page because the US and Iran just signed a really major nuclear deal and they're going to do a nuclear war

[48:24] Because the US and Iran just signed a really major nuclear deal. No, no

[48:27] No front page broadzilla is the star is Ferris Bueller dating a giant lizard run with it

[48:32] Stop the presses wait, but you just told us to run with it. Are we stopping the presses now? Yeah

[48:38] Yeah, I got one with a better story. Anyway, okay, they split up. I haven't seen them together

[48:42] Probably it's a big divorce case who cheated on who was Godzilla banging King Kong or was Matthew Broderick doing it with I don't know

[48:49] King Kong run with it. That's the story. Stop the presses. Hold on

[48:53] One I'm just a photographer so I don't really know how to what write a story about this or lay out the front page

[48:59] I use the software. I don't know. It's computers now. Okay, is it weird? Anyone else said that you have a Hitler mustache?

[49:05] Whatever. Just get going do it. There's no one else at this

[49:09] Newspapers, but I like about this scenario. Oh, well, J Jonah Jameson is long gone insane. It's just imagining this conversation

[49:15] He's just a crazy man sitting staring at his shoes in a sanitarium. Just yelling stop the presses every now and then

[49:22] Anyway

[49:24] Matthew Broderick they get there. The eggs are hatching suddenly. It's Jurassic Park instead of Raptors

[49:29] It's baby Godzilla's chasing him around MSG forever. This goes on forever

[49:33] It's the craziest longest shit and you're like I didn't go to this fucking Godzilla movie to see baby Godzilla's

[49:39] I wanted to see big Godzilla and now but it's that's classic Hollywood thinking

[49:44] I have one Godzilla when you could have a ton of Godzilla

[49:46] Baby Godzilla's slipping Home Alone style

[49:50] And basketball, I'll push back on this a little bit because I think that I mean like they're totally stealing from Jurassic Park

[49:55] I mean, it's obvious that they're like, all right, we want to write they did

[50:00] managed to put in a bunch of shitty CGI raptors running around.

[50:04] So you know what? Yeah, give them a medal.

[50:06] They're in the Legion of Honor now.

[50:09] There's a bunch of French Special Forces guys who needed to get murdered by Godzilla, so I guess this...

[50:14] Yeah, give them the Nobel Prize for garbage.

[50:18] Here's what I'll say about it, though.

[50:19] Having a giant monster is kind of cool, it's kind of majestic.

[50:24] Yeah, well you feed him and take him to war.

[50:25] It's not as cool as it seems.

[50:29] I've never found it that scary, like a giant monster.

[50:33] Good point. It's only scary in the sense of it being

[50:37] completely

[50:38] unpredictable and uncontrollable. The original Godzilla is scary

[50:42] because it feels like

[50:44] something that is beyond the power of men is just raining destruction on innocents.

[50:49] And for some reason I find a smaller monster, like a more human-sized monster, more...

[50:55] Sometimes humans are the worst monsters, Dan.

[50:58] I find it more frightening to deal with something on a more relatable level.

[51:02] I can assume that. Yeah, like if they got into Madison Square Garden and those

[51:07] fucking little eggs were birthing little Henry Portrait of the Serial Killers,

[51:11] I'd be shitting my pants. That would be really scary.

[51:14] Yeah, a bunch of Michael Rookers running around.

[51:16] Oh my god! Nuke the place! Just kill everything!

[51:20] Luckily he can only move in straight lines.

[51:23] Rooker?

[51:23] I don't know, that's great. Like a Rook? It's a chess joke.

[51:26] One night in Bangkok makes a proud man humble.

[51:29] Anyway, Dan,

[51:31] I get what you're saying. It's scarier for someone to be chased on a human scale

[51:35] than to have a... Especially because this movie is going out of its way

[51:38] to have no casualties

[51:40] except for American soldiers caught in the crossfire of their own friendly fire.

[51:45] Like a sub gets blown up,

[51:47] helicopters are smashing up,

[51:49] and also by soldiers I'm just meaning military men. There's also naval sailors and air force pilots.

[51:53] Yeah, I mean there's that one great scene where those three helicopters are sitting in front of a burning building

[51:58] and they're like, we got him, ha ha!

[52:00] And they're giving each other verbal high fives,

[52:03] only to have Godzilla burst through a building behind them and just beat the shit out of them.

[52:07] And I don't like... Here's something that I don't like.

[52:09] Is Godzilla making traps?

[52:12] And like catching them in traps?

[52:14] Missiles are chasing him. Uh oh, he swerves around to lead the missiles back to the submarine.

[52:18] It's like, how does this giant radioactive lizard monster know how a missile works?

[52:22] He's wily.

[52:23] But that doesn't make any sense.

[52:25] At what level of sentience is this giant lizard monster?

[52:27] Well Godzilla's awesome when he's this, like, unstoppable power.

[52:32] Yes, Godzilla's scariest when he's a force of nature.

[52:34] As opposed to, like,

[52:37] I'm a naughty little boy who's making traps for helicopters.

[52:41] Uh oh, you think I'm here? No, I'm here.

[52:44] Oh, I'm gonna have sex with your building now.

[52:46] In a way, him having sex with the Empire State Building is the scariest moment.

[52:50] I don't know, if Godzilla said,

[52:52] I'm a naughty little boy, I would find that pretty freaky.

[52:55] I guess so, but not scary.

[52:57] But him having sex with that building, which I'm just gonna assume he's doing,

[53:00] it is him dominating the human world and interacting with it in a way that is beyond our real understanding.

[53:07] In a way that is totally alien to us.

[53:09] And, like, there's something frightening in that concept.

[53:11] But yeah, for most of this, it's the same way that, like,

[53:13] the Incredible Hulk in Marvel Comics is always knocking down buildings but he never hurts anybody.

[53:18] They're always like, oh, thank goodness we evacuated this town right before the Hulk got here.

[53:22] It really, like, lessens the danger of that character.

[53:25] And it lessens Godzilla's danger that the body count is so low.

[53:28] But when there's a, like, a raptor-sized monster chasing you, like,

[53:31] it's a real visceral sense of, like, oh, that thing could bite me and kill me.

[53:34] And they kill a bunch of characters.

[53:36] They're eating up French Special Forces guys like they were popcorn.

[53:39] Mm-hmm.

[53:40] Like they were croissants.

[53:42] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[53:42] What's the French equivalent of popcorn?

[53:44] Uh...

[53:46] Do not say le popcorn.

[53:48] Do not say le popcorn.

[53:49] Yeah, because you normally le popcorn by planting your foot on its chest and then nibbling its head off.

[53:54] You saw it on my face somehow.

[53:56] Funny thing about that.

[53:57] This was one of those moments where I was in your brain.

[53:59] And I saw the...

[54:00] I wanted to reach out and catch the synaptic, the electricity jumping the synapse.

[54:05] And I couldn't do it.

[54:06] Because synapse are firing like kernels popping.

[54:09] What if you had popcorn in your brain?

[54:10] That would probably make it harder to think, right?

[54:11] I don't know. Like fucking oysters.

[54:13] They eat them like popcorn in France.

[54:15] Okay, there you go.

[54:16] And Blue Oyster Cult has a Godzilla song.

[54:19] Sing a song called Godzilla.

[54:20] Wheels Within Wheels, number 23.

[54:22] Anyway, so they steal a card from Gremlins 2.

[54:27] And they use the MSG cameras to patch into the main news feed and broadcast that there's...

[54:31] They're like, send us a fucking electro gremlin stat.

[54:34] We need an electro gremlin and an old man dressed like a vampire right now.

[54:38] And they say...

[54:39] Oh man, that movie's great.

[54:40] It's the best movie ever.

[54:42] Ever.

[54:43] I think they're doing another showing over this Sunday.

[54:46] I think so.

[54:47] Maybe I'll...

[54:47] Oh shit, yeah, I'll go to that.

[54:49] I'll be in Los Angeles.

[54:50] Wow.

[54:50] Anyway...

[54:53] We'll just FaceTime.

[54:54] You can watch it with me.

[54:55] Yeah.

[54:56] I'll still buy a ticket though, guys.

[54:58] So chill out.

[54:59] Don't write me mean letters.

[55:01] This is a bootleg.

[55:02] And we paid for that seat that the iPad is sitting in.

[55:05] They get a message out.

[55:07] All the Godzilla babies are in this Madison Square Garden.

[55:09] Blow it up.

[55:10] Godzilla babies who make our dreams come true.

[55:15] When you think a thing needs crushed and you wish that you were there.

[55:20] Yeah.

[55:21] Just stomp your foot and make believe.

[55:23] And you can crush anywhere.

[55:26] So...

[55:27] Godzilla, Godzilla, Godzilla, Godzilla.

[55:29] Babies.

[55:30] Babies, babies.

[55:31] Love you, true.

[55:34] I thought it was and you.

[55:35] No, I thought it was love you, true.

[55:37] Love you, true?

[55:38] I don't know, that's...

[55:39] I guess and you would probably make more sense for a kid's...

[55:41] I mean, I could be wrong.

[55:42] Maybe it's love you, true.

[55:45] Maybe they hired somebody who used to write Elvis songs to finish up the lyrics.

[55:49] Well, that's like this 50s pastiche.

[55:52] So that's why I sort of thought that that was what this...

[55:55] But it's kind of weird for a kid's show, I guess.

[55:57] I guess.

[55:58] Yeah, because the kids are like, I only am looking for a love that's true.

[56:02] Not one of these Saturday night kids are like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[56:06] I thought this was a casual thing, Muppet Babies.

[56:08] No names, no names, Muppet Babies.

[56:10] Yeah, only masks.

[56:12] Look, I'm I'm Nikolai and you're Olga, OK?

[56:15] And we just met for the first time in this bar and we'll never meet again.

[56:18] We're pretending we're Russian spies for the night.

[56:20] It's our fantasy night.

[56:23] Anyway, so they blow up Madison Square Garden.

[56:26] Oh, sorry, David.

[56:28] No more sports games there.

[56:29] And you can't see Billy Joel twice a month or whatever he does there.

[56:33] Anyway, they but then, oh, mommy, Godzilla comes back

[56:37] because you wanted the movie to be over.

[56:39] No, it's not.

[56:40] There's a very long car chase where they're in a taxi cab because it's New York

[56:44] and Godzilla's chasing them and Godzilla cannot get her shit together

[56:47] to catch this taxi cab.

[56:48] And I've never wanted a monster to eat a car

[56:51] full of the stars of a movie more than in this film.

[56:54] They bring Godzilla over to the Brooklyn Bridge after Godzilla.

[56:58] Mommy, Godzilla has a moment while partially submerged

[57:02] in the ashes of Madison Square Gardens.

[57:05] This Godzilla looks at its dead babies, nudges it with nudges it

[57:09] with its nose like it's so many dead Ewoks.

[57:12] But like so many what?

[57:14] Dead Ewoks. Oh, yeah, yeah. Sad.

[57:18] And whereas dead Ewoks, not that sad.

[57:21] Dead Godzilla's are kind of sad.

[57:23] Well, because you add in the element of like, this is her baby.

[57:26] And whereas most reptiles do not have a family connection with their offspring,

[57:30] just leave them to get eaten.

[57:31] Pops out your cloaca, hatches.

[57:33] Who cares? Maybe I'll eat it myself.

[57:36] Hey, look, a snack.

[57:38] It's mine now.

[57:39] I made it. I get to eat it back in my belly where it came from.

[57:42] I'm a perpetual eating machine.

[57:45] I was watching the show Life last night, which is one of those Earth shows

[57:49] where there's really great footage of Amy and Louis detective show.

[57:53] No, no. The show where it's the show where it's like really great

[57:56] HD footage of animals. Right.

[57:58] And there was a lizard who hatched her eggs

[58:00] and then just watched as a snake ate them.

[58:02] And my wife was like, I would never allow that to happen to my child.

[58:07] I could never stand by when I put her foot down.

[58:09] Yeah, I get it.

[58:09] Yeah, because you're a human being.

[58:11] That's a relief. Oh, boy.

[58:13] Like, yeah, you can be you're not some dumb lizard.

[58:15] So the fact that Godzilla feels real emotions is an evolutionary leap forward.

[58:20] In a way, we're almost like maybe we our time on this planet is done,

[58:25] which is Matthew Broderick's message in this film and in life.

[58:31] You've seen the PSAs, right?

[58:32] Hi, I'm Matthew Broderick.

[58:34] You may remember me from Lady Hawk.

[58:35] Now, there's something I want to let you know.

[58:38] As humans, our time on this earth is over.

[58:40] Also, by the producers, Broadway soundtrack.

[58:43] It's me, Matthew Broderick.

[58:46] Yeah. And so Godzilla chases after them,

[58:50] ends up on the Brooklyn Bridge and gets stuck in traffic.

[58:52] No, she gets tangled in the suspension wires,

[58:55] which for some reason doesn't cause the bridge really to collapse.

[58:58] I don't remember.

[58:59] And the army shoots a ton of missiles at her and blows her up.

[59:03] And she has it and she dies.

[59:05] And Matthew Broderick is like, oh, you are too beautiful for this world.

[59:08] And everything is totally OK.

[59:10] And everyone's life is better until, oh, there's one egg left and it's hatching.

[59:16] And it's in a locker room, which would seem like a really small space

[59:19] for Godzilla to shove her cloaca into and just squirt an egg out into.

[59:23] But what are you going to do?

[59:24] It's the movies anyway, getting everybody set for a sequel.

[59:27] That's what the fucking cartoon bird said at the end of the movie.

[59:30] It's the movie.

[59:32] The way the Godzilla baby pops out the egg at the end,

[59:34] he might as well be saying, that's all, folks.

[59:36] Now, they had signed up the main cast for three movies.

[59:40] Really? They were preparing for a Godzilla trilogy.

[59:43] And they had signed like Matthew Broderick and the others to three films.

[59:45] I believe is what you meant to say. I apologize.

[59:47] Trilogy. Yeah.

[59:48] And the film failed to meet their high hopes.

[59:52] And those other movies were not made.

[59:54] Well, that's too bad.

[59:55] And the only time we ever got to see this Godzilla again,

[59:57] aside from the Godzilla animated series based on this film.

[1:00:00] Was in the great Godzilla movie Godzilla final wars

[1:00:03] I think I may have talked about on the podcast before I'm not sure really many times the real Godzilla. Although in this case, I guess it's

[1:00:11] Godzilla's son because Godzilla had been killed in Godzilla vs. Destroyah, but then Godzilla's son is also in the movie

[1:00:17] You know what forget it?

[1:00:19] I'm not gonna get involved in the continuity hiccups

[1:00:20] But Godzilla final wars is the movie that ends with Godzilla seemingly forgiving America for dropping the atomic bomb

[1:00:27] But of course, he's got something to gain from it

[1:00:29] It woke him up

[1:00:29] But uh, he faces the American Godzilla for like a 45 second fight and just destroys him instantly

[1:00:36] And it was really and when I saw it in a theater as part of the New York Asian Film Festival

[1:00:41] The audience cheered and applauded

[1:00:45] And it was like a cathartic moment had just taken place. Yeah, you you you left that theater brothers. Yeah

[1:00:51] So we should wrap up and we've been talking for a long time

[1:00:54] Hey, whether this is our final judgments on this movie, whether it's a good bad movie a bad bad movie or a movie

[1:01:00] we kind of like I have to admit that when I first saw it with a bunch of

[1:01:05] friends in college and a cackling

[1:01:08] Film teacher I

[1:01:10] Kind of enjoyed it and I have a kind of soft spot for Roland Emmerich and his particular flavor of stupid

[1:01:16] Like he usually think keeps things moving pretty fast and has a bunch of character actors and

[1:01:23] Tries to throw in jokes there. Even if they're bad jokes, at least that they exist

[1:01:28] But this is probably my least favorite Roland Emmerich movie upon rewatching it and I think it was bad bad

[1:01:36] bored me

[1:01:38] Yeah

[1:01:40] It's a perfect example of like a bad 90s derivative blockbuster

[1:01:44] Although it did feature a

[1:01:48] intentional slam against film critic Roger Ebert, which is

[1:01:53] And Jean Siskel and Jean Siskel

[1:01:55] but I think I feel like mostly most of that hot fire coming out of Roland Emmerich's pen is going right toward

[1:02:01] Roger Ebert by naming the mayor of the town mayor Ebert town, New York City. Yeah, it's the biggest little town on earth

[1:02:10] That's Reno I think and

[1:02:13] It's such a funny like

[1:02:15] Bullshit parody like you half expect Ebert mayor Ebert to talk about like how he can't stop shitting his pants

[1:02:24] How small his penis is exactly?

[1:02:27] And they throw in a bunch of like dumb thumbs up thumbs down jokes. It's so crazy

[1:02:32] It's such like a crazy like small petty fucking joke in your enormous movie

[1:02:39] Yeah, and the movie that is the big release of the year of any studio

[1:02:45] like I wonder how many I

[1:02:47] Wonder how many people were like, are you sure you want to do this Rowan and he's like fucking positive, dude

[1:02:53] Yeah, I got this one. I'd be our review for Independence Day is finally gonna get paid back. Mm-hmm

[1:03:01] That would that review cost us the Oscar. Yeah

[1:03:06] So, is that a

[1:03:07] That was a bad bet. I think yeah, you know, I'm gonna say it's a bad bad movie

[1:03:11] But if you cut out the last sequence, I'd call it a good bad movie. All right

[1:03:17] but you have to are you talking about the the sequence where the

[1:03:22] Baby, Godzilla's are busting through the windows and it's just a bunch of fake

[1:03:25] Godzilla puppets sticking in the window

[1:03:28] Maybe my favorite my two favorite parts in this movie are the baby Godzilla puppets, which look great

[1:03:33] There's one that opens its mouth and they did such good latex detailing on the inside of the throat and

[1:03:39] there's a moment when the helicopters are chasing Godzilla through the canyons of New York that the effects are so

[1:03:46] hyperactively fake looking that it stops being an example of bad special effects and it becomes an example of

[1:03:53] Really cool bad special effects where it's like, oh, you know, this isn't even supposed to look real

[1:03:58] It's just supposed to look kind of like vibrant, you know

[1:04:01] This is a like a cutout from a sequence on the Lawnmower, man

[1:04:05] yeah, or like the moment at the end of a moon of Moonrise Kingdom where they're hanging from the

[1:04:11] Whatever that spire is that that light is it and it's clearly miniatures

[1:04:15] But like it's not even supposed to look super real like it's more the feeling of it

[1:04:20] so anyway, but I'm gonna call this a bad bad because then there's I was talking about the endless sequence where

[1:04:25] Godzilla's chasing them in that taxicab and they're arguing over directions and it's like no

[1:04:30] It's a hilarious joke about New Yorkers and how they want to tell you how to you know, which route is best. Hey

[1:04:37] Funny stuff, okay. I guess three good bads. I guess I guess our brains got broke

[1:04:43] I

[1:04:51] Am Travis and I'm Andy and we host bunker buddies a comedy apocalypse podcast every Wednesday on maximum fun org

[1:04:57] We've got a brand new format for our podcast that we hope you want to come and check out

[1:05:01] We try out products for your go-bag. We'll try out cheddar larvae and cricket bars

[1:05:05] So you don't have to we play would you rather and answer questions from the audience and we have great guests that pop into the bunker

[1:05:12] It's everything you love about the show and more come check it out every Wednesday here on maximum fun org

[1:05:18] Stay safe out there. There's always hope and cheesecake

[1:05:24] New York City listen up your fellow max fun listeners and hosts are gathering at Stuart Wellington's New Brooklyn bar

[1:05:31] And you're invited you probably know Stuart from his hilarious movie riffing on the flop house

[1:05:37] But did you know he's also a small business owner?

[1:05:41] It's true join Stuart and a ton of new max fun friends at the hinterlands bar on Saturday, August 27th at 7 p.m

[1:05:49] You can find more information at bit dot ly

[1:05:53] max fun hinterlands

[1:05:55] See you there

[1:05:58] So, what do we do after this part Dan?

[1:06:01] That's a good question. Dan. What do we do in the next part of the podcast? Well

[1:06:06] We have a few sponsors who help keep the lights on around the flop central and we need to

[1:06:14] Give them their time in the Sun and one of them especially weird that we keep they keep the lights on but we record

[1:06:21] We keep it real dark in here

[1:06:24] real

[1:06:25] sexy literally by

[1:06:27] candles

[1:06:28] Made from that candle making workshop. We did at their romantic retreat and my glow-in-the-dark

[1:06:34] Skeleton PJs that I'm wearing and the lights from beneath this heart-shaped jacuzzi

[1:06:40] We're all in yep and lights from the ground effects from this hot wheels car

[1:06:45] I have and these little like those

[1:06:50] Glow sticks that you break and then they light up and there's some kind of weird chemical in there and you don't want to drink

[1:06:56] And this glow-in-the-dark condom, I'm making balloon animals out of

[1:07:01] But it is one's a banana

[1:07:08] This one is a full condom this one is a more a eel

[1:07:13] Hmm. This is only spaghetti was really thick

[1:07:18] So the flophouse that's us is sponsored in part by blue apron

[1:07:25] Not all ingredients are created equal fresh high-quality ingredients taste better and are better for you

[1:07:30] So it's important to know where your food comes from

[1:07:34] For less than $10 per meal blue apron delivers seasonal reps recipes along with pre-portioned ingredients to make a delicious

[1:07:42] Home cooked meals. Now. Do they deliver reps a piece?

[1:07:46] That a reptile recipe. Mm-hmm. I'm sure that if there was a

[1:07:51] Free-range Godzilla out there they would you know, give you a delicious

[1:07:55] Recipe for I don't know crispy Godzilla on top of real imaginative German coleslaw. Oh

[1:08:05] But we've talked before blue aprons really great

[1:08:08] They send you good food and you don't have to measure any stuff out because they give you all the measurements you you were gifted

[1:08:13] one of those

[1:08:14] After Sammy was born and that was really helpful

[1:08:17] Mm-hmm. So if you know somebody who's gonna be in a position where they can't

[1:08:20] Have shop or cook for themselves too complicatedly because either they've just have a new baby

[1:08:27] They're taking care of someone who's sick. Maybe they don't have access to a lovely whole foods exactly or even a half foods

[1:08:34] Get them some blue apron. It's a good gift get it for yourself

[1:08:37] Maybe you're a lonely guy like Dan

[1:08:39] cooking for one

[1:08:40] Then yes, you make two meals you eat one the other one you leave on a plate for I guess that will never arrive

[1:08:47] Just sits in the corner slowly rotting as you cry stinking is thinking of your house

[1:08:53] But you don't have to waste that much food because the measurements are so precise. Mm-hmm, but it's yeah, it's really convenient

[1:08:59] Yeah, and I always like to read

[1:09:02] What what the meals are available? I

[1:09:06] Just like I think it's fun like the fucking zagat's guide or something in August in August

[1:09:12] You got some spiced pork burgers with goat cheese and cucumber corn salad

[1:09:18] Summer vegetable and quinoa bowl with fairy tale eggplants

[1:09:21] What could that fairy tale eggplant out of here shishito peppers and corn and listen to this chicken tinga tacos?

[1:09:29] with summer squash and tomato salsa

[1:09:31] Dan I

[1:09:34] Does I don't know what it is and it sounds delicious

[1:09:37] Check out this week's menu and get your first three meals free with free shipping by going to blue apron comm slash flop house

[1:09:44] That's blue I've apron comm slash flop house blue apron a better way to cook. Mm-hmm

[1:09:50] Let's get yummy

[1:09:54] Better slogan both for blue apron and you mm-hmm Stewart Wellington's yummy

[1:10:00] Hey, friend. Here's this week's meal, Castle Freak.

[1:10:06] Isn't that the same as last week?

[1:10:09] Shut up.

[1:10:10] But we're also sponsored this week by Mack Weldon.

[1:10:14] Oh, fancy panties.

[1:10:16] They believe in...

[1:10:17] They're called underpants.

[1:10:18] Smart design, premium fabrics, and simple shopping.

[1:10:21] Fabrics?

[1:10:22] Fabrics.

[1:10:24] It's dedicated to being the most comfortable underwear, socks, shirts, undershirts,

[1:10:29] hoodies, and sweatpants you'll ever wear.

[1:10:32] I have some delightful Mack Weldon shirts, some underwear.

[1:10:36] Yeah, they're pretty delightful.

[1:10:37] Socks. They're my favorite brand of underwear right now, and their socks are really great,

[1:10:40] and their undershirts are really great.

[1:10:42] Now, if you're playing a special night with your dudes, your ladies, who cares?

[1:10:47] Your daddies, your ludes.

[1:10:49] There's two great strengths to the Mack Weldon underwear.

[1:10:53] One, they look great.

[1:10:55] They show off both sides of your pelvic area very nicely.

[1:10:58] Two, they're more comfortable and they're airier,

[1:11:01] so you're going to have the confidence of knowing that those parts of your body,

[1:11:04] which, let's face it, we all want to have somebody touching at some point in the evening.

[1:11:08] And it's fucking August, dog. It's the dog days of summer, man.

[1:11:11] We all know those areas must smell.

[1:11:13] Just by, you know, there's no way of getting around it.

[1:11:16] But if you're in Mack Weldon's, it's like they're breathing, they don't feel swampy.

[1:11:20] You know what?

[1:11:21] It's, one, I'm going to have the confidence that's going to get someone to touch that part of me,

[1:11:25] and, two, when they do, they're going to be like, oh, you're not really sweaty and gross.

[1:11:29] They're not going to be sticking their hands down into a bucket full of Nickelodeon's gack.

[1:11:33] Unless that's what you keep in your underpants. I don't know.

[1:11:37] And you're going to say it that way, too, right, Ellie?

[1:11:39] You're going to go, touch that part of me.

[1:11:41] I mean, if you say it right, then that's pretty romantic.

[1:11:44] That's a soul album.

[1:11:47] Somebody mock up the cover.

[1:11:49] Touch that part of me.

[1:11:50] So, please, go to MackWeldon.com and get 20% off using your promo code FLOP.

[1:11:59] Promo code FLOP.

[1:12:00] Now, the next part of this show is the J-J-J-Jumbo Tron.

[1:12:03] Jumbo Tron.

[1:12:04] Jumboest of Trons.

[1:12:05] Here are some other folks who are helping keep some lights on in this FLOP house of ours.

[1:12:10] You don't have to be a big company like Mack Weldon or Blue Apron to get to be a part of the FLOP house supporting community.

[1:12:16] You could be a regular Joe.

[1:12:17] You could be a regular MaxFund donor, which is amazing, and we thank all of our MaxFund pledged donors.

[1:12:21] Or you could go to the Jumbo Tron and slash or.

[1:12:25] You can also go to the Jumbo Tron, and we'll read a special message that you've given us.

[1:12:30] Like this one.

[1:12:31] Happy birthday to my college roommate, lifelong friend, fellow educator, and fellow FLOP house listener, Carl Pierdom.

[1:12:40] Perdom, Pierdom.

[1:12:41] I don't know how to pronounce it.

[1:12:42] I'm a Stewart, and I'm dumb.

[1:12:45] I know you're the owner slash operator of ivorytowertutoring.com and co-author of Barron's latest GMAT guide.

[1:12:55] But come on.

[1:12:56] Can't you take at least one day off from providing top-notch LSAT, GRE, and GMAT tutoring at affordable rates in person in the Atlanta area and worldwide via Skype?

[1:13:11] It's your birthday.

[1:13:12] You should be out celebrating.

[1:13:14] Sincerely, Dr. Bowman, first name withheld.

[1:13:18] Now, that message, once again, is to celebrate Carl's birthday by giving him money to improve your LSAT, GRE, or GMAT scores.

[1:13:26] Visit www.ivorytutoring.com.

[1:13:29] Maybe if I took some of those courses, I'd know what the hell we're talking about.

[1:13:33] Maybe.

[1:13:34] Hopefully.

[1:13:35] And we've got another message.

[1:13:37] This is a poisonal message from a poison.

[1:13:40] Because a poison can develop a message.

[1:13:43] Guys and dolls.

[1:13:44] So this is for Jam Master Karen from Team Memily.

[1:13:50] Dan, can you read that first sentence up there?

[1:13:52] Happy birthday, Karen.

[1:13:54] And then I'll read the rest.

[1:13:55] Among your plethora of achievements in coding, fashion, and friendship, introducing us to the Flophouse is truly the greatest.

[1:14:01] Hope Dan's voice saying your name is the best gift you ever received and that you're reacting to this with your signature cackle.

[1:14:08] You are the best BFF forever.

[1:14:10] It's redundant.

[1:14:11] And a great...

[1:14:12] I apologize.

[1:14:14] I apologize for checking this grammatically.

[1:14:17] You've got to wait a minute.

[1:14:18] I've got to have the character limit.

[1:14:20] You are the best BFF forever and a great Terrify-A-Guy colleague.

[1:14:24] Love you.

[1:14:25] So that's a message of sheer love and friendship on the birthday of Karen from Team either M. Emily or Memily.

[1:14:32] Terrify-A-Guy colleague.

[1:14:34] I'd like to know more about that.

[1:14:35] You'd like to be terrified you're a guy?

[1:14:37] Yeah.

[1:14:38] Godzilla didn't do it.

[1:14:39] No.

[1:14:40] Nope.

[1:14:41] Only the baby Godzillas did it for Dan.

[1:14:42] Now, just to point out, in addition to that sort of thing, we also at the end of this month, this is August, on August 27th, there's going to be...

[1:14:50] If you're listening to this later than August of 2016...

[1:14:52] Just rip the earbuds out of your ear and throw yourself down a flight of stairs.

[1:14:56] Not what I was getting at.

[1:14:59] Well, they already ripped the earbuds out.

[1:15:00] They didn't hear that part.

[1:15:02] And they're not hearing this part.

[1:15:03] Now we're back in.

[1:15:06] There's going to be a meet-up for listeners of the MaxFun Podcast.

[1:15:12] That's the network that this podcast is a part of, MaximumFun.com.

[1:15:16] Dot org.

[1:15:17] Dot org. Thank you. I'm an idiot.

[1:15:19] But there's going to be a big meet-up for MaxFun listeners at Hinterland's Bar in Brooklyn, New York.

[1:15:25] That's your bar, Stuart.

[1:15:26] That is my bar.

[1:15:28] Someone's digging from the trough at both ends.

[1:15:31] Well, it's sweet at the front, but it's even sweeter at the back end of that trough.

[1:15:35] So there's going to be a meet-up, including many MaximumFun personalities.

[1:15:41] The same ones you love listening to.

[1:15:43] Yeah, so if you're around, come by August 27th, Hinterland's Bar, 7 p.m. till, I think, 11 p.m.?

[1:15:51] What's the address for that bar?

[1:15:52] 739 Church Avenue, Brooklyn, New York.

[1:15:56] USA. Earth. The Milky Way. Universe.

[1:16:00] Keep going.

[1:16:01] Multiverse. Creation.

[1:16:06] But now –

[1:16:08] Oh, you know what? One more thing I wanted to say.

[1:16:10] I wanted to thank all the people who came out to our Washington, D.C. live show, which we did recently at the Black Cat Club.

[1:16:18] I don't know what you would call it.

[1:16:19] Bar space, performance space in Washington, D.C.

[1:16:23] It was a really fun show.

[1:16:24] The audience was really great.

[1:16:25] We had some amazing questions in the question and answer session.

[1:16:28] People laughed at our dumb jokes.

[1:16:30] They laughed at it. Unfortunately, our recorder did not work properly.

[1:16:33] Yeah.

[1:16:34] So those 500 people shared a very special experience of a Flophouse show that no one else will get to hear but them.

[1:16:41] So thanks for coming, guys.

[1:16:43] And it's a real motivation.

[1:16:45] If you ever want to go to a Flophouse live show, go to it because we may not know how to work the recorder.

[1:16:50] And you may not get the chance.

[1:16:52] You may screw the fuck up.

[1:16:53] But it was a great audience.

[1:16:55] I'm listening to past episodes where our sound quality is, let's say, suspect.

[1:17:00] Is there any indication?

[1:17:01] Yeah.

[1:17:02] We can't really be trusted to handle things on our end.

[1:17:04] We don't know how the machine thingamabob divisors work.

[1:17:07] Yeah.

[1:17:08] This is the magic of live theater.

[1:17:10] It's an ephemeral experience.

[1:17:12] It happens once, and then it disappears into the ether.

[1:17:15] It was a real Flophouse pop-up show.

[1:17:17] Yeah.

[1:17:18] So thank you, everyone, for coming out.

[1:17:19] You were really welcoming.

[1:17:20] And for our first show outside of the New York area, it was a real success, and we had a fun time.

[1:17:25] So thanks very much.

[1:17:26] Yeah.

[1:17:27] We'll probably have to do more of those, right, Elliot?

[1:17:29] Yeah.

[1:17:30] So when are we doing our next one?

[1:17:32] Tomorrow.

[1:17:33] I don't know.

[1:17:34] Wow.

[1:17:35] You pushed them too far in the other direction.

[1:17:38] We're going to be in San Francisco tomorrow at the Fillmore.

[1:17:41] I don't know.

[1:17:42] You heard it here first, guys.

[1:17:45] But now it's time to talk about letters.

[1:17:50] And by talk about, I mean read letters that come from listeners like you.

[1:17:54] Movie mailbag.

[1:17:56] Now I sang a song earlier in the show.

[1:17:59] Does that mean I won't sing a song right now?

[1:18:02] Well, we're going long.

[1:18:04] There's no time for a song, but I'm singing one anyway because you only live life once.

[1:18:10] Only live life once in this world.

[1:18:13] Unless you believe in reincarnation and soul transmigration

[1:18:18] and other things ending in ation.

[1:18:21] Perhaps you're Haitian.

[1:18:24] It's really irrelevant.

[1:18:25] Letters.

[1:18:27] Thanks, Elliot.

[1:18:29] So this first letter I'm reading mostly because I was looking through our backlog of letters,

[1:18:36] and this one came up, and it was particularly.

[1:18:38] What an origin story.

[1:18:40] Wow.

[1:18:42] It was particularly timely given that we finally released the Fantastic Four live show last week.

[1:18:50] Dear Poppers, who do you think is going to win the 2012 presidential election?

[1:18:53] And it goes like this.

[1:18:54] Yours, John McCain, last name with L.

[1:18:57] I went up to see the second show, Fantastic Four, with my friend and co-worker, Gigi,

[1:19:04] all the way from Orlando, Florida.

[1:19:07] It was one of the most fun nights of my life.

[1:19:09] I don't know if that makes it sound epic or it makes me sound pathetic.

[1:19:13] Probably both are true.

[1:19:14] Pathetic.

[1:19:15] It was certainly one of the most drunken nights of my life, which I think helped.

[1:19:20] But more than that, I got to connect with other flop fans who are all great.

[1:19:24] I even met three guys from Central Florida.

[1:19:26] Turns out I've met them before at Bar Trivia right here in Orlando.

[1:19:29] The world can be crazy small sometimes.

[1:19:32] I was surprised that we get to have conversations with Dan and Stuart.

[1:19:35] You both were so kind.

[1:19:37] I mean, I figure you wouldn't bother doing an after-party at all if you didn't want to go,

[1:19:41] but I still am glad for your openness with everyone.

[1:19:43] I know our conversations weren't deep after all.

[1:19:45] With Dan, I only spoke of coats and cats, but I really appreciate it nevertheless.

[1:19:49] Almost the same word.

[1:19:51] Oh, except for that O, causing trouble.

[1:19:54] Because I had such a good time, I'm making a New Year's resolution to be more intentional about going out.

[1:20:00] I'm meeting people after all part of the reason I had such a good time was just being open and talking to folks

[1:20:05] All the best Megan last name withheld and I know there's not like a lot to respond to in that letter

[1:20:11] It was very nice. It's not it was nice. I like the message of

[1:20:17] People yeah, yeah, yeah, but be open and talk to folks

[1:20:21] Yeah

[1:20:21] The only we've talked about I think to get more serious than this that we've talked about on this show before

[1:20:27] That if you're in a place where you're feeling alone

[1:20:30] The only cure for that is to go out and meet people and it's hard, but it's worth doing

[1:20:36] Yeah, yeah, and if and go to flop house live shows, of course

[1:20:40] I mean you're just wearing a shirt that says my best friend is Jesus right now. So

[1:20:44] Maybe you'll meet Jesus. Oh, yeah

[1:20:49] Friendship

[1:20:51] I mean, that's

[1:20:53] Different kind of friendship. You're not gonna like go hang out with him. Wow

[1:20:58] I mean, that's good. I wouldn't know go out and make some friends. I like playing some Mario Kart

[1:21:03] You don't know he contains multitudes. Probably. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, he's probably really good on the rainbow road

[1:21:10] I mean his father's house has meant his mansion as many rooms or whatever his house many mansions

[1:21:14] So, you know one of them's got to have an n64

[1:21:17] I think we've thoroughly ruined the lovely message from

[1:21:21] No, then we're free to move on that was a very sweet letter. Thank you

[1:21:28] This letter goes like this to your house of the rising flop

[1:21:32] your recent impression of a vampire Werner Herzog inspired a question if you had to turn a director into a vampire so they can continue making

[1:21:39] Movies forever, but could never again work in sunlight or with real garlic. Which director would you choose John Gerber?

[1:21:46] Come on and keep up the great work Sam last name with held Esquire. Oh, no, maybe Guy Madden

[1:21:53] Okay, that's an interesting choice. Yeah, I would go with the Coen brothers myself, although

[1:21:58] It couldn't work in sunlight

[1:22:01] so maybe

[1:22:03] Yeah, cuz they've never done anything with noir shadows. Maybe I would pick someone who's

[1:22:09] Only done movies in the dark. Who do I want to curse with a gift of immortality?

[1:22:15] And also it would turn out to be a horrible curse. Mm-hmm

[1:22:19] But I think John Carpenter would take it in stride. He'd just make a show of dope since the music

[1:22:25] He's pretty chill, I mean, I think I'm adding would probably appreciate it the most

[1:22:32] This gift of eternal life and eternal darkness, yeah, but I mean the Coen brothers are

[1:22:37] Probably my favorite filmmakers of all time. Yeah, so like they're they have a few clunkers, but their average is incredibly high

[1:22:44] Even they're like Stewart Gordon

[1:22:46] Even their bad films have redeeming redeeming qualities, which mostly well, what would I just don't like in terrible cruelty?

[1:22:55] No, I think you watched it again and you liked it, right? I watched it again

[1:22:59] I was like, okay as soon as I stopped thinking about this as a Coen brothers movie it is

[1:23:04] It has its enjoyable. Yes, cuz even like the lady killers, which is not a good movie has like elements about it

[1:23:10] Yeah that are not bad. I think that I know I think that that movie definitely if you

[1:23:15] Like that one. I like better than intolerable cruelty. I know that that's an unpopular

[1:23:21] Opinion, but if you take that outside of the Coen brothers world, like there's some really funny stuff in that

[1:23:26] Like I really like Tom Hanks is weird performance in that movie. Yeah, it's alright

[1:23:30] Track is a good soundtrack. Yeah, but uh

[1:23:34] Look, we don't have to like the same things all the time. But uh, hail Caesar. I loved you thought it was okay

[1:23:40] Yeah

[1:23:42] Thank you. Look we just we both agree. They should be vampires. Okay, and they should feed off of each other forever

[1:23:52] That's gross sounds pretty hot

[1:23:56] After dark. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah, cuz they're vampires

[1:24:01] This letter reads I noticed during your late latest episode

[1:24:06] Jim and the holograms

[1:24:10] Jim and the holograms the dance can you clean up your holograms?

[1:24:16] Dan struggled to describe the dot over the lowercase I when referencing the deke logo

[1:24:22] Gentlemen as a graphic designer and level lover of adolescent humor

[1:24:26] I'm delighted to inform you that there is in fact an official term for that dot and that term is tittle

[1:24:33] This just seemed like important information

[1:24:42] This seemed like important information that you all needed to know plus anytime you're feeling blue by the D by the die

[1:24:50] You can just say it

[1:24:51] Tittle and it's guaranteed to bring a smile to your face and all my buttons as well as confused looks from anyone in your vicinity

[1:24:59] Thanks for much so much for the great podcast, I look forward to it every weekend

[1:25:03] Well, you shouldn't look forward to it every weekend because it only comes out by monthly you show him

[1:25:08] Giggles and giggles and tittles Lee first last name with health. I want to end every letter

[1:25:14] I write for the rest of my life giggles and tittles

[1:25:18] Again not a lot to respond to

[1:25:21] Dear son, if you're reading this then I've passed I have some important news for you, etc

[1:25:26] Giggles and tittles your late father. Mm-hmm

[1:25:31] Sorry, you're saying no, I'm saying you could easily

[1:25:33] Handle that with your what gmail settings or whatever? Yeah, you're right. I could make that what I what I sign off as maybe I will

[1:25:40] Mm-hmm. So when you're sending out your resume because you know for jobs you're looking for. I don't know how your work works

[1:25:49] Feels until sounds like a collection of like late 70s Swedish

[1:25:54] Porn erotica erotica. Yeah, I could see that like it's prepping packaged up

[1:26:00] Yeah, like how national lampoon used to be all about like naked chicks and like weird jokes. Mm-hmm

[1:26:06] And now they're all about

[1:26:08] What like I don't know like van wilder or something

[1:26:13] I

[1:26:15] Don't know what national lampoon is

[1:26:18] This last letter

[1:26:21] Goes as such I was at a pottery fair in Cincinnati and saw a guy wearing an RIPT shirt

[1:26:29] I was baffled at not only the existence of the shirt

[1:26:32] but also the fact that the world's only

[1:26:34] RIPT superfan lives in Cincinnati

[1:26:36] This letter started as if they were throwing darts at just a magnetic poetry kit pottery fair

[1:26:42] Cincinnati RIPT t-shirt

[1:26:45] This made me wonder what shirts the original peaches would wear if you could each own a shirt featuring a movie that you flopped a

[1:26:52] Bratz tank top a fateful findings hoodie a talking cat long-sleeved tee flop on

[1:26:58] Jimothy I

[1:27:00] Mean I would totally wear a fateful findings. Yeah

[1:27:04] question I

[1:27:06] Was wish that you hadn't suggested it because like then like the very suggestion of it makes that the obvious choice

[1:27:12] Yeah

[1:27:15] To design a fucking fateful findings shirt

[1:27:20] Is Neil brain? Yeah, yeah surrounded by three laptops with no shirt on. Yeah. Yeah what that like

[1:27:31] Do or drop something yeah, I forgot he had those those non-working turned-off laptops that even then so we

[1:27:39] What an amazing movie

[1:27:42] I'm thinking of actually doing a showing of fateful findings just cuz you should yeah

[1:27:47] now I'm actually thinking about contacting Benjamin Maher and seeing if I

[1:27:53] Commission to drop fateful findings poster, but I can turn into a cool tank top to wear at the beach. Yeah

[1:28:00] Mm-hmm. Maybe people will be like, what's that? You know, you're not a brainiac. Yep

[1:28:06] Really intense and in their face about it get with the fucking program, dude

[1:28:11] Now normally I should just be excited that somebody's having a chat with me when I'm hanging out at the beach

[1:28:16] Yeah, as well saying just like sir, you can't sit there

[1:28:20] Sir, your testicles are showing through your shorts

[1:28:23] All right. I'll tell you where to get a Neil brain shirt. That's not what I sir. This isn't a nude beach. It is now

[1:28:31] Hey bottoms only dude bottoms can be nude. There's no law saying you can't be nude on the bottom

[1:28:42] I like a porky big law

[1:28:48] Now I want you to go outside wearing just a suit jacket and a bowtie

[1:28:52] And you get a rest and be like, oh so a pig can do it, but I can't I thought I had rights judge

[1:29:00] Officer this is a double standard. You have a big you have a big glossy photo of porky pig with you

[1:29:05] This is an example. Yeah

[1:29:08] Well in case their memory needs a little jogging after some reason distracted by my lower body you're chanting

[1:29:14] This is what democracy looks like

[1:29:17] And luckily in this age of cell phones somebody would take that interaction down on on video

[1:29:23] Sure

[1:29:23] Yeah

[1:29:23] And then you and I would finally be vindicated and the officer would look the fool

[1:29:28] This this man went outside without pants on and you'll never guess what happened next

[1:29:34] And what happened next will change the way you think this man wearing a shirt is everything

[1:29:42] Love house host wins the everything and all the cools for eternity awesomes

[1:29:47] This man's testicles will give you all the feels. Yep. So tired man wearing shirt. No pants is woke AF

[1:29:58] So many so much testicles

[1:30:00] So many good peen, or something like that. What does that dog say?

[1:30:03] I don't know. What other memes are there, Dan?

[1:30:05] Uh... Keyboard cat, that frog on the unicycle.

[1:30:09] Yeah, yeah. He's like fourteen years old or something.

[1:30:13] And, uh... The fuckin' sunglasses.

[1:30:15] Yeah, and the honey badger.

[1:30:17] And, uh... I don't know why we did it all. So many memes.

[1:30:20] And Stuart won them all. I guess this is our audition tape for fuckin' at midnight or something.

[1:30:27] Wait, basketball players mean what?

[1:30:28] Various basketball players crying.

[1:30:30] Oh, and like, Kermit and Willy Wonka are both not interested in what you're telling them?

[1:30:34] Yeah.

[1:30:36] Minions. Just a bunch of shit-ton of minions.

[1:30:39] Oh, you love those.

[1:30:40] Oh, can't get enough of them. Can't get enough.

[1:30:44] Like French minion soup over here.

[1:30:47] So...

[1:30:48] Nice. Nice to have a meme in it. That's good soup, though.

[1:30:51] They got bread in it.

[1:30:53] They got bread in it.

[1:30:57] French onion soup, y'all. They got bread in it.

[1:31:00] I'm Elliot Kalin for French onion soup.

[1:31:03] Not like no normal soup. They got bread in it.

[1:31:07] There's cheese in this soup. That's crazy.

[1:31:11] So, Dan, what else do we do on this podcast? We just lose our minds?

[1:31:14] We do one last thing in this hot, hot room that we're recording in.

[1:31:19] Why are we going so long on a movie that's been out for twenty years in a room that's so hot?

[1:31:24] And that is we recommend a movie that we saw that we actually enjoyed instead of Godzilla.

[1:31:33] Well, I'll go first, gents. How about that? I'll speed it up.

[1:31:35] Sure.

[1:31:36] I'm going to recommend a documentary movie. It's kind of the opposite of Godzilla.

[1:31:39] It's called Harlan County, USA. It's directed by Barbara Koppel.

[1:31:43] I'm pulling an Elliot where I'm just like, oh, that's a good one.

[1:31:46] Now, you have credit for this one.

[1:31:48] It's a documentary from 1976 about a coal mine strike in Harlan County in Kentucky where, I guess, What Justified is set.

[1:31:56] And it's a really great movie and really gives you a sense of how dangerous and difficult those types of strikes can be and how life or death they can really be.

[1:32:07] Whose side are you on?

[1:32:09] I mean, I'm on the workers' side, but I mean, I don't know. Maybe other people are not.

[1:32:13] Isn't that the call to action for the workers?

[1:32:17] I thought you were just asking me.

[1:32:18] Yeah. No. I mean, I'm assuming you're with big business.

[1:32:21] Yeah. Oh, no. I love big coal because – you know why?

[1:32:25] There's a lot of naughty kids out there, and they need to know they've been naughty in their stocking in the morning.

[1:32:30] Where are we going to get it except from the coal mines?

[1:32:32] But you're right. There's a lot of great music in it that is performed by just regular people, and they do an especially good job of showing the importance of not just the workers themselves but also the women who are parts of the lives of the workers and the important part they play in the strike.

[1:32:46] And it's just a really good movie, so Harlan County, USA.

[1:32:50] I've got some qualified recommendations, so I figure like maybe if I double up on two middling recommendations, does that equal one good recommendation?

[1:33:02] A Dan McCoy special. So what plane did you see these on?

[1:33:05] No, I saw these both. I saw one –

[1:33:07] On a train.

[1:33:08] I saw one on –

[1:33:10] On your iPhone while you were going to bed.

[1:33:13] One is on premium cable right now.

[1:33:16] One I saw at Videology in Williamsburg, but they're both documentaries.

[1:33:21] The one I saw at Videology is called Tickled. It's about a guy who sees online an ad for competitive endurance tickling.

[1:33:31] That sounds like a nightmare.

[1:33:33] Which has these gentlemen tickling each other while one of them is tied down, and he decides that he's going to look further into it and almost immediately gets dramatic pushback from the tickling people.

[1:33:49] And he's like, what's the problem here? Why am I getting such pushback? Why do they care that I'm looking into this?

[1:33:58] And several shoes drop in terms of why this tickling thing is happening and who the people behind it are.

[1:34:06] I don't want to get into it too much because that's pretty much the story of the documentary, but it's 90 minutes. It's fairly entertaining.

[1:34:17] Fairly entertaining. Raves Dan McClady says it's a middling recommendation.

[1:34:22] Yeah.

[1:34:23] I want them to put that on the box.

[1:34:27] I can't get into it without expressing the surprises. I kind of wanted there to be a few more surprises than there were.

[1:34:35] I kind of could see where the arc of the documentary was heading, but it's still…

[1:34:42] Justice.

[1:34:43] Yeah, it bends towards justice.

[1:34:45] But it's still worth seeing?

[1:34:47] It's still worth seeing.

[1:34:48] Okay.

[1:34:49] And then I watched Hitchcock Truffaut based on the book of the same name.

[1:34:53] They're cops.

[1:34:56] Where Francois Truffaut…

[1:34:58] Hitchcock's a dog.

[1:35:00] Interviewed Alfred Hitchcock.

[1:35:01] Truffaut's a cat. Somehow they're both bullies officers.

[1:35:05] They'll catch the bad guys if they're not too busy catching each other.

[1:35:09] If you've read Hitchcock slash Truffaut, you know it's one of the best books on making movies that there is.

[1:35:16] It's really entertaining to watch one great filmmaker interview another.

[1:35:21] The movie is kind of an adaptation of the book.

[1:35:25] It's kind of about Truffaut and his relationship with Hitchcock.

[1:35:29] It's also kind of just a typical talking head documentary where modern directors talk about Hitchcock.

[1:35:37] As such, it kind of feels like a really good DVD extra sometimes.

[1:35:42] But it's still entertaining, and it made me want to watch Hitchcock movies.

[1:35:47] I went back and I re-watched…

[1:35:49] Previously, you've had no interest.

[1:35:51] No, obviously I love Hitchcock.

[1:35:53] I re-watched a middling Hitchcock movie, a movie that doesn't get a lot of attention, the remake of The Man Who Knew Too Much.

[1:36:01] It introduced the song Que Sera Sera, which is a huge international hit.

[1:36:05] Yeah, it won the Academy Award, I believe, for song that year.

[1:36:08] I think so, yeah. Don't quote me on that. Quote Dan on that.

[1:36:12] It's not top Hitchcock, though, but it's a fun movie, and I enjoyed being inspired to re-watch it.

[1:36:17] So if you like movies, if you like Hitchcock movies, Hitchcock slash Truffaut.

[1:36:21] So it's not slash fiction about Hitchcock and Truffaut doing it.

[1:36:26] Yeah. Oh, Mr. Hitchcock. Lace that cigar gently between my…

[1:36:33] No, stop, stop, stop, stop. Don't go any further.

[1:36:36] Stuart, can you erase that image from my mind?

[1:36:40] Yeah, so I'm going to recommend the movie that I recommended in our famous now live lost episode.

[1:36:46] I'm going to recommend Richard Linklater's Everybody Wants Some, because there's exclamation points in it.

[1:36:53] It's based on that sequence in Better Off Dead where that hamburger plays guitar.

[1:36:58] And invented the band Van Halen with that guitar lick.

[1:37:03] So it's kind of pitched as a spiritual sequel to Days Confused.

[1:37:10] It's a Richard Linklater kind of lazy hangout movie.

[1:37:15] And this time it's a group of college baseball players in the days leading up to the first day of class.

[1:37:24] And at first it felt like super bro-y.

[1:37:29] And over time these characters become much more charming and endearing.

[1:37:36] Now granted, I am a straight white man, so maybe it's just pitched at me.

[1:37:41] Pitch is a pun, of course, because they're baseball players. Classic.

[1:37:46] But I feel like Richard Linklater is going back and showing how he can do a movie like Days Confused again.

[1:37:55] And make it just as charming.

[1:37:58] And by the end of the movie I could see myself returning to it as a movie that I would just have on in the background.

[1:38:08] And kind of live in this world over and over.

[1:38:13] So yeah, it's not very heavy on plot.

[1:38:17] So much so that after about 30 minutes my wife wanted to stop watching.

[1:38:22] Because nothing was happening.

[1:38:25] And everybody wants some plot.

[1:38:27] Exactly.

[1:38:28] But it's good. I really liked it.

[1:38:31] It just seemed like you were ending that recommendation on a down note.

[1:38:35] It's a qualified recommendation for something that has everybody in the title.

[1:38:41] I don't know if it is necessarily for everybody.

[1:38:44] But it is for me.

[1:38:46] And I shake my head a little bit.

[1:38:48] A little sassy smirk.

[1:38:50] Yeah, the audience can't see the sass that was in that.

[1:38:53] Okay, guys. Well, I don't know how we managed to talk this long.

[1:38:58] I do.

[1:38:59] Yep, because we haven't seen each other for a long time.

[1:39:01] And we're buddies.

[1:39:03] And also it seems like the later and the hotter it is, the longer we do this for some reason.

[1:39:09] So let's keep it going, guys.

[1:39:11] What are your plans for the next few weeks?

[1:39:13] Let's do it all night.

[1:39:14] Well, I'm going to MaxFunCon.

[1:39:16] I have this dope MaxFun meetup.

[1:39:18] Anyway, my name is Elliot Kalin.

[1:39:20] Whose name is Stuart Wellington.

[1:39:23] My name is Dan McCoy.

[1:39:25] Good night, everyone.

[1:39:26] Done.

[1:39:30] I don't know if you guys follow me on Twitter.

[1:39:33] I do follow you on Twitter.

[1:39:35] This weekend I was at the lake and I took a dip in the old swimming hole.

[1:39:40] Okay.

[1:39:41] Continue.

[1:39:42] And I was resting on the dock, you know, having a chat with my lady and my buds.

[1:39:47] It was like you were at a beer commercial.

[1:39:49] Yeah, and something fucking bit me on the nipple, dude.

[1:39:53] I think it was a fish or maybe a toitle.

[1:39:57] The reason I think it might have been...

[1:40:00] and I freak out, of course,

[1:40:01] because something's fucking nibbling on my nip.

[1:40:03] You said you were laying on the dock.

[1:40:04] No, no, no, I was resting on it

[1:40:06] because it was like a kayak launch,

[1:40:09] so part of it was kind of in the water.

[1:40:10] I getcha.

[1:40:11] And, uh.

[1:40:12] You know what, objection overruled.

[1:40:14] Thank you.

[1:40:15] And. Retracted.

[1:40:16] So I'm assuming that the reason it,

[1:40:19] at first I'm like,

[1:40:20] this has got to be a fish that's nibbling on my nip.

[1:40:23] And, but I think it also could be a turtle.

[1:40:25] Yeah, common American nip nibbler.

[1:40:27] It could be a turtle

[1:40:28] because my nips look a little bit like little worms.

[1:40:31] Or pizza.

[1:40:32] Or pizzas.

[1:40:33] Your nips do look like pizza.

[1:40:35] Little pepperonis.

[1:40:36] Yeah.

[1:40:38] And so.

[1:40:39] So I climbed out of the water,

[1:40:40] and yes, in fact, my little nipple was bleeding.

[1:40:43] Oh, and have you turned into a fish or a turtle,

[1:40:46] or do we have to wait for a full moon?

[1:40:47] I don't know.

[1:40:48] If you want, we can go to the bathroom,

[1:40:49] you can check me all out.

[1:40:51] That was the weirdest, longest come on I've ever heard.

[1:40:56] Yeah.

[1:40:59] Maximumfun.org.

[1:41:00] Comedy and culture.

[1:41:02] Artist owned.

[1:41:03] Listener supported.

Ep. #211 - Godzilla (1998)

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