Ep.# 214 - Victor Frankenstein

[0:00] on this episode we discuss victor frankenstein the just the guy yeah yeah we just were like

[0:08] what's up with him hey i haven't seen him since college he's i mean i see him on facebook and

[0:12] he's like still working on this corpse and i like it you know i don't really like it but i give him

[0:16] a like because i feel bad for him yeah it's a pity like and he always tags the corpse and he gets he

[0:21] makes a facebook page for the corpse and you're like dude if you spent less time on your social

[0:25] media marketing campaign and more time on your studies and your research maybe you'd have brought

[0:30] that corpse back to life by now but say he's got fucking instagram feeds for every project and it's

[0:35] like come on stop putting the cart before the corpse am i right yeah but he's verified on

[0:39] instagram now so he's got that that going for him true i mean what do you have to show for it on

[0:45] instagram i don't even have an instagram account movies

[0:49] Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

[1:19] Hey everyone, and welcome to The Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[1:26] And I'm Stuart Wellington, 6'1", hard-bodied.

[1:30] And I'm Elliot Kalin, 5'4", soft like Silly Buddy.

[1:34] Wow, I didn't know we were doing this, guys. I'm sorry.

[1:37] Well, I mean, it's called Yes Anding.

[1:39] Yeah, you want to do your bit now?

[1:40] Yeah, start over. You do yours.

[1:41] I'm Dan McCoy, mediocre body.

[1:44] Okay, cool. You're part of the cool guy club.

[1:48] Yeah, default human.

[1:49] Yeah.

[1:49] Super awesome rad.

[1:50] What are we doing?

[1:51] What is this and what do we do on it?

[1:52] This is a podcast, number one.

[1:55] First principles.

[1:55] It's not a hot dog.

[1:56] No.

[1:57] And it's not a unicorn.

[1:58] You have not inserted a hot dog into your ear.

[2:00] I mean, even though...

[2:01] Please don't.

[2:02] It's very tempting.

[2:02] No.

[2:03] Because your hot dog is about ear insertion sized and your ear is a hole that you can put things in.

[2:10] I mean, if your ear does have a hole you can put things in, then the thing is called sound.

[2:14] How is a hot dog ear insertion sized?

[2:17] Because Dan has three fish ears.

[2:18] A, I want to know what years you have, and B, what kind of hot dogs you've been looking at.

[2:21] They could be those little mini fries.

[2:22] I'm looking at your years right now, and I could put a hot dog in there.

[2:25] No way.

[2:26] A tip of a hot dog.

[2:27] With work.

[2:27] That's what I'm talking about.

[2:29] Yeah, with work.

[2:30] I mean, maybe if you slather in mustard and mayonnaise.

[2:33] Like, it's going to take effort.

[2:35] It's not like you just accidentally just slip it in.

[2:37] No, I could slip it in anywhere.

[2:38] I can...

[2:40] You know what?

[2:41] Forget I ever mentioned hot dogs.

[2:42] Okay, so what do we do on this podcast?

[2:44] This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie.

[2:47] So it's not a hamburger.

[2:48] No, it's not a hamburger.

[2:50] It's not Hot Dog the movie.

[2:51] It's not Hamburger the movie.

[2:52] Okay.

[2:53] It's a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[2:56] Is Hamburger the movie about downhill skating or downhill skiing?

[3:01] It's actually a Holocaust picture.

[3:02] Oh.

[3:03] Yeah.

[3:03] I'm sorry.

[3:04] Yeah, it takes place in Hamburg.

[3:05] Okay.

[3:06] It's actually Hamburger.

[3:08] I was going to ask how it connected, but then you got there first.

[3:11] Well, that's why they call me the get there first-er.

[3:16] Elliot, the Get There First-er.

[3:17] Sounds like a really well-defined first-er.

[3:19] Fastest Get There in the West.

[3:23] Nobody gets their first-er.

[3:25] That's my slogan.

[3:26] That's how you got rid of the Pony Express,

[3:31] your slogan, nobody gets their first-er.

[3:34] Yeah, because I'm an immortal

[3:35] who's walked the earth for centuries.

[3:37] Thanks for blowing my cover, Dan.

[3:39] Anyway, so on this podcast,

[3:42] we talk about bad movies.

[3:44] And, guys, and it's Shocktober.

[3:47] The scariest time of the year?

[3:50] Yeah.

[3:51] Well, we didn't have scary intro music that I got to hear,

[3:54] but maybe the people.

[3:55] Oh, I'm doing a shitty job here.

[3:57] You didn't play scary intro music for us, Dan.

[4:01] You don't need to evaluate in real time what's going on.

[4:04] Yeah, I don't know.

[4:05] The only reason we would need it is because technically we're recording this

[4:08] at the tail end of Smallvember for a release in Shocktober.

[4:12] Yeah.

[4:13] There's a little peek behind the curtain, a little podcast magic.

[4:15] Yeah, you know, I guess this is a good way to kind of ease ourselves into the season,

[4:20] probably the scariest season of the year.

[4:22] I don't know.

[4:23] Yeah.

[4:23] I think the scariest season of the year to me is tax season.

[4:26] Oh, brother.

[4:28] This guy has got a real skewed take on modern life.

[4:32] I take the ordinary, everyday kind of like irritations of modern life,

[4:36] and I apply my unique viewpoint.

[4:38] It's in a series of books called Everything I Need to Know I Learned Right Now from You.

[4:44] Wow.

[4:44] The books are blank.

[4:45] They cost $25.

[4:46] Fill them out.

[4:48] Send them to me.

[4:49] I got to start learning.

[4:50] What a great scam.

[4:53] So what do we do with Shocktober?

[4:55] Shocktober is the part of the year that we watch scary movies.

[5:01] Or movies that are macabre in some way.

[5:04] Yeah, yeah.

[5:05] Because I wouldn't...

[5:06] Ty Macabre, the great baseball player.

[5:07] I wouldn't necessarily say that the movie we watched tonight was particularly scary.

[5:11] No, but it was gross at times.

[5:13] It's a Halloween tradition.

[5:14] It had one of the classic monsters in it.

[5:16] One of the classic Halloween stories.

[5:18] Now, what story is it?

[5:19] Well, the movie's called Victor Frankenstein.

[5:21] So guess.

[5:22] You're right, the mummy.

[5:23] Good work, Einstein.

[5:26] Yeah, M.O.

[5:27] Taps back.

[5:28] Famous literary detective, Einstein.

[5:30] If you've got a story and you don't know what it is, there's only one man you can call on,

[5:36] and he works at the patent office in Bern.

[5:38] He's not good at math, but he's a genius.

[5:43] at story yeah he was actually i mean he was better than the average person at math okay math was not

[5:50] his strongest suit as a theoretical physicist but he would get help from other people to do the math

[5:55] work with him but he was better at math than like we are sure yeah if he had like a marvel card on

[6:00] the back if it had like power ratings he would still be superhuman at math but he wouldn't be

[6:05] like as good as he is at physics i mean it would math he would be like let's say it's a one to ten

[6:10] scale with one being normal math

[6:12] one would be subnormal math

[6:14] the same way there's that one checklist

[6:16] so that's like what the rhino would be at in math

[6:18] yes exactly there's this one checklist

[6:20] card yeah spider-man villain

[6:22] or rhino except for that one

[6:24] tangled web storyline

[6:25] notably not good at math

[6:27] he's just kind of a big dumb dude

[6:30] he's a fucking rhino

[6:31] what's he gonna be good at two things smashing into stuff

[6:34] and math that's right

[6:35] you only go to one thing at once

[6:37] thank you I don't like this modern day

[6:39] this ties into the movie modern day thing where everyone's good at everything look yeah we all

[6:45] get a trophy but anyway so einstein would get like a four in math but he'd have a 10 in like

[6:51] conceptual imagination okay oh wow that's an interesting stat him and doc ox i mean thanks

[7:00] for the thanks for the the teaching moment einstein but i was just using they got me i was

[7:07] just using the popular conception of einstein for comedic purposes yeah but it's not true and i don't

[7:12] like it all right comedy should be based on truth unless it's really funny when it's made up all

[7:16] right thanks del close einstein uh delbert einstein the mix of del close and albert einstein

[7:22] he's just it's just albert einstein with a heroin addiction anyway here's the thing we

[7:28] watched this movie victor frankenstein it's a retelling of the classic frankenstein tale

[7:33] uh at hollywood would probably refer to it as a legend but i would refer to it as a novel written

[7:38] by mary shelley at a very specific more accurate right the same way that there were the ads for

[7:43] heart of the sea where they referred to the true story behind the legend of moby dick and i was

[7:47] like bullshit dude that was a novel herman melville wrote you call that a legend come on

[7:52] yeah it wasn't like whalers were like moby dick roams these seas they could it doesn't go back

[7:58] thousands of years.

[7:58] Legend tells that on stormy nights

[8:01] you can see his blowhole

[8:03] blowing through the air.

[8:05] You can still see that dick's hole,

[8:07] they say, if you look hard enough.

[8:09] Look hard enough for the dick hole.

[8:11] Spray it.

[8:13] Speaking of dick hole, young Pete.

[8:15] I don't like

[8:18] where this is going.

[8:18] They're at sea for a long time, I'm just saying.

[8:20] Let's not go there.

[8:22] Do you think Herbert Melville

[8:25] Herman Melville

[8:26] Herbert Melville.

[8:27] Frank Herbert Melville, author of Moby Dune.

[8:30] But do you think Herman Melville heard all these stories

[8:35] of the legends of Moby Dick,

[8:39] but he was moved to write the story down in novel form

[8:43] because Moby Dick would come to him at night in his attic

[8:46] and force him to tell the story, or he'd chop his head off

[8:49] like Robert Howard in Conan?

[8:51] That was probably it, yeah.

[8:52] Yeah, probably it.

[8:55] that's probably exactly what happened okay uh cool so write that down crack that one so this

[9:02] i hope that's in the movie that we didn't watch and we're i guess i mean hard to see i think is

[9:05] framed by the narrative someone telling herman melville this story but i haven't seen it uh

[9:10] but victor frankenstein is what watched it's the latest in a long line of frankenstein reboots

[9:14] at this point why even call it a reboot it's just a new adaptation it's a new spin

[9:18] on the classic legend, nobody knows who wrote it,

[9:21] of Dr. Frankenstein and his creation, the monster.

[9:25] And we went into this assuming it was part of Universal's attempt

[9:28] to build a cinematic universe like the Marvel.

[9:31] With Dracula Untold.

[9:32] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[9:33] And it turns out it was not.

[9:34] This is a 20th Century Fox film.

[9:36] Although it does feature Charles Dance in a small role,

[9:40] just like he was in Dracula Untold.

[9:42] A very small role.

[9:44] He shows up for one scene.

[9:45] I even made a joke that he was never going to,

[9:47] He just shows up to be a dick and leaves,

[9:49] and that's totally all that happens.

[9:51] Exactly.

[9:51] There may have been other material with him.

[9:53] He dances in and he dances out.

[9:54] That's almost exactly a quote from Tango and Cash.

[9:57] Really?

[9:58] He tangos in and he tangos on out with our money and our drugs.

[10:04] See, a key part of that Jack Balance impression

[10:07] is Elliot's wide eyes roaming the room.

[10:10] Yeah.

[10:11] There's not enough heavy breathing in that Jack Balance impression.

[10:15] Oh, sorry, yeah.

[10:17] The tango and cash.

[10:19] Cash and tango.

[10:21] Tango makes three.

[10:24] Where did you get those?

[10:25] It's about a gay penguin.

[10:26] Where did you get those mice that you're playing with, Elliot?

[10:29] In a maze table I keep next to my miniature wall of mirrors that I use for shootouts.

[10:35] It's a somewhat whimsical office.

[10:38] You're becoming a crib keeper, Jack.

[10:40] James Hong, why are you each edging away from me?

[10:44] So we talk about every movie but Victor Frankenstein.

[10:47] So 20th Century Fox maybe was trying to steal Universal's thunder.

[10:51] Charles Dance is in Dracula Untold as the character who's eventually assumed going to be the big bad that all the monsters have to face.

[10:57] But I don't even know if they're still making those.

[10:59] But this is – it's a new spin told from Igor's point of view, Victor Frankenstein.

[11:05] What?

[11:05] Like a fucking Nick Carraway.

[11:07] Nick Carraway's lead.

[11:10] I mean, Victor Frankenstein is to Gatsby as Igor is to Nick Carraway.

[11:15] This is pretty clear, I guess.

[11:16] And there's a Daisy character, the Tom Miller character.

[11:20] They're all there.

[11:21] See, it holds up.

[11:24] Now, we begin, I don't know, because I was running late and you guys started the movie without me.

[11:28] So as a beginner.

[11:28] Okay, Elliot, why don't you guess how the movie begins?

[11:32] My guess would be...

[11:35] You get one guess, and if you're right, Dan will give you $100.

[11:39] wow i'll take those odds and what happens if i guess wrong dan will give you 50 dollars

[11:44] and the lap dance that's worth 50 bucks right there i'm breaking even my guess seeing as this

[11:51] is a a retelling of uh of a monster story and this is the year 2016 and nobody's learned their

[11:57] fucking lesson is my guess is that it opens with some kind of like cryptic scene from future in

[12:04] the movie with a voiceover talking about how like some stories people think they know but you don't

[12:11] really know the real story behind the story you are 100 correct they literally show shots of the

[12:19] like the the monster hanging up during the storm super imp at wall uh daniel radcliffe who plays

[12:26] igor in this movie tells you like uh you know him as this dude but he was actually my friend do you

[12:33] think you know the story etc oh i hate that stuff so much all right well and again one

[12:38] give it to me in pennies three we'll do this after the yeah maybe later but i appreciate you

[12:45] paying up on the bet uh because here like if and again i only don't like it because i've seen it

[12:51] so many times before if this if it had never been done before then if i guessed that and you told

[12:56] me it was right seen it if you had seen a totally original concept on film you would have liked it

[13:02] Exactly.

[13:02] That's super weird.

[13:03] It's strange, right?

[13:04] If you experience a brand new sensation, you'd be up for that?

[13:07] I guess what I'm saying is there's nothing inherently wrong with opening a story that way,

[13:11] except that it's been done thousands of times before.

[13:13] The same way that Hallelujah, a perfectly mediocre song, is only hateful because it's been used a hundred million ways.

[13:20] But what if it's sung by Katie Segal while the characters of Sons of Anarchy are getting into some kind of motorcycle hijinks?

[13:27] I mean, I like Katie Segal.

[13:28] She started as a singer.

[13:29] She's got the chops.

[13:32] she'll always be Peg Bundy to me, though.

[13:35] Okay.

[13:36] Oh, wow, that's a firm stance you're taking over there.

[13:38] No matter what else she plays.

[13:39] Dan, you want to say something about Leela?

[13:41] Yeah.

[13:41] Well, I was going to say that I would appreciate it more

[13:44] if Leela sang Hallelujah in some mournful episode of Future Rob.

[13:48] As it shows the other Zoidberg being murdered

[13:50] and the Jamaican accountant, whatever his name was, being killed.

[13:53] Hermes.

[13:54] Hermes Conrad, that's right.

[13:56] And I'll always remember Katie Segal as the

[13:58] I'm assuming she's a witch on Bastard Executioner.

[14:02] You'll never know.

[14:03] I think that show ended.

[14:04] Stuart was going to be like, I'll always remember Katie Segal as the older woman who took my virginity.

[14:10] And threw it out the window to be devoured by crabs.

[14:14] I don't know what.

[14:15] It was at a beachside resort.

[14:17] Oh, I see.

[14:19] Anyway, let's get back to the movie.

[14:21] So Daniel Radcliffe plays Igor, who starts out as a tortured hunchback without even a name to his name in a circus.

[14:28] And I assume he was sold to the circus as a child, as deformed.

[14:31] He's mistreated.

[14:32] They've made him up like a clown.

[14:34] Everyone makes fun of him.

[14:35] He's got a crush on an acrobat lady who's nice to him.

[14:38] Yeah, she's played by the, arguably the hot.

[14:42] Why would you, this is something you said during the movie.

[14:45] I don't know why you'd commit it to recording.

[14:47] Sister from Downton Abbey.

[14:49] You have now opened up an unnecessary debate,

[14:51] one, about the hotness of the sisters on Downton Abbey,

[14:54] and two, on whether we as men are judging these characters

[14:58] only on their hotness.

[14:59] Now, did you say arguably because you're covering your own ass?

[15:03] Lady Mary has her charms.

[15:06] I don't even want to open this.

[15:09] Look, let's not do it.

[15:10] I don't even watch Downton Abbey.

[15:12] Is that Maggie Smith?

[15:13] Because she's amazing.

[15:13] All I know is that Maggie Smith is Downton Crabby on that show.

[15:16] That's all that I know about her.

[15:17] Downton Grabby?

[15:18] She's very grabby.

[15:20] He and one day the acrobat.

[15:24] And he also, not only does he have a crush on this acrobat woman,

[15:27] but he's also a tender soul who spends his time

[15:30] doing super amazing drawings of human anatomy

[15:33] and studying medical texts that he, I guess, scavenges.

[15:37] Oh, so he was studying medical texts.

[15:38] Oh, I missed that part, too.

[15:40] Because I thought he was just naturally gifted at knowing bodies.

[15:43] I mean, he is, too. It's both these things.

[15:46] And once they took him to the bodies exhibit

[15:48] and saw all those Chinese corpses with their skin taken off.

[15:51] He has all those incredible cross-sections.

[15:54] That's what it is. He what?

[15:56] I'd say he has gifted hands, like, you know, with his face.

[15:59] The guy who wrote Gifted Hands.

[16:00] The guy who was...

[16:04] Ben Carson?

[16:05] Yeah, Ben Carson.

[16:06] Okay.

[16:07] I mean, you work for The Daily Show.

[16:08] Yeah.

[16:09] You should remember these names.

[16:10] I haven't worked there in, like, a year.

[16:11] I do.

[16:12] I get one of those Eternal Sunshine brain wipes at the end of the day.

[16:16] Every week.

[16:16] Just to try and keep things clean in there.

[16:19] Oh, that's a good idea, yeah.

[16:20] So, yeah, so we have Magical Hunchback.

[16:25] Magical Hunchback

[16:26] and one day

[16:27] there's a trouble

[16:28] at the circus

[16:28] the acrobat falls

[16:30] she seems to be dead

[16:31] luckily there's a doctor

[16:32] in the

[16:32] is there a doctor

[16:33] in the house

[16:34] classic Bugs Bunny gift

[16:38] Silhouette walks

[16:39] and gets something

[16:39] I'm a doctor

[16:40] and what's up doc

[16:42] then on to the next gag

[16:43] it turns out

[16:45] it's all the stuff

[16:45] Bugs Bunny

[16:46] James McAvoy

[16:47] Dr. Victor Frankenstein

[16:49] is in the audience

[16:49] and together

[16:50] he with

[16:51] though he appears

[16:52] to be somewhat eccentric

[16:53] he seems like

[16:54] He knows his stuff.

[16:55] He has his chops.

[16:55] He's a little goofy and isn't socially acceptable.

[16:58] He has this ability where if he stares at an organic body in motion,

[17:03] he'll see its bone structure sketched out over its silhouette.

[17:07] It is not a...

[17:08] The real Sherlock Doc.

[17:09] It's Sherlock.

[17:10] Which is appropriate since the show was directed by a guy

[17:14] who's directed a bunch of episodes of Sherlock, right?

[17:16] Yes, and they really...

[17:18] They lay the Sherlock on and...

[17:20] They Sherlocked up these characters.

[17:21] And let me just say one thing.

[17:23] I'm going to reveal a little bit.

[17:24] Okay.

[17:25] The first third of this movie, I really enjoyed a lot, and we'll get into it.

[17:31] It's super gross at times.

[17:32] I mean, you were totally eating a bunch of chicken at that point, so maybe you were just

[17:35] predisposed to liking it.

[17:36] You have umami splattered all over your face.

[17:39] I mean, the fact that I was eating the most delicious food that existed, I mean, usually

[17:43] though, that just serves to heighten how shitty what I'm seeing is, because I eat the same

[17:47] thing every movie, so I think we can just eliminate that as an element, because it's

[17:52] the same condition

[17:53] every single time.

[17:55] After a while,

[17:56] even Ambrosia loses its flavor.

[17:59] No, that's not what I'm saying.

[18:01] What I'm saying is that

[18:02] because that environmental factor

[18:04] is the same

[18:05] for every single film,

[18:06] we cannot take it to be

[18:08] an influence on my feelings

[18:10] about this film

[18:10] or else we'd have to take it

[18:12] as an influence on my feelings

[18:13] for films like Food Fight,

[18:14] which again,

[18:14] I was eating Popeyes

[18:15] while watching

[18:16] and yet it was

[18:16] a horrifying experience.

[18:17] Only the solace

[18:19] of Popeyes in my mouth

[18:20] was what got me through it.

[18:22] uh i thought it was because we had you chained to the chair you were sitting in i mean and you

[18:28] had my eyes pulled open like clockwork orange style yeah what's that therapy called uh the

[18:34] what the ludovico treatment yeah ludovico treatment that's what you're doing the food

[18:37] of eco treatment oh hey okay so let's get back to this fucking yeah because we're like what 10

[18:43] minutes into the movie yep so uh they're able to save the acrobat's life by doing one of those

[18:48] movie medical things where james mcavoy looks at her sees the bone structure drawn as if it's in

[18:54] a medical textbook and says like hit her right there and they like slam their fists into her

[18:58] chest yeah but uh actually igor like like mcavoy like knows what's going on but igor is the one

[19:05] who's like we gotta like punch her like medical style yep he's like i have a secret crush on her

[19:10] so i'm i want to be the one punching her chest yeah uh mcavoy is really impressed and he's like

[19:17] igor except he doesn't have a name you and me buddy unnamed hunchback we got to get you out of

[19:22] here the hunchback is locked up by his evil circus captors james mcvill uses science to help him

[19:27] escape and then uses punching and kicking to fight their way through the circus of crime and it was

[19:31] at this point it was like a choose your own adventure if i wanted to be pissed off that

[19:36] just like in every other movie this character who's already a mad scientist who wants to bring

[19:41] back the dead is also some kind of fighting genius great kick punching and be mad about that because

[19:46] it's not necessary and whatever happened to movies where people had a strength that was

[19:51] balanced by a weakness and whatever happened to baby jane she got crazy oh okay it's all actually

[19:56] explained very well in the movie turn to page 20 but if i want to just buy into the zaniness of it

[20:02] all and say hey you know what instead of applying good movie terms to this i'm gonna apply crazy

[20:07] movie terms to this and this is two guys one of them a hunchback dressed like a clown fighting

[20:13] their way through an evil circus a hunchback robert smith from the cure yeah but like turn turn to

[20:18] page 45 and i turned to page 45 yeah yeah i chose that adventure of saying you know a movie i'm

[20:23] gonna buy into it which is why it was that much more of a disappointment when the movie fell

[20:28] apart later but anyway they fight their way through the circus they get out everything's okay

[20:32] right it looks to be that way at first because james mcavoy has a cool bachelor pad full of

[20:37] crazy steampunk inventions, and he shows.

[20:41] We get to see this really awesome scene where we realize that Igor,

[20:46] who is named Igor at this point, we get a name.

[20:49] Because he says, my landlord is named Igor.

[20:52] He's not around.

[20:52] If anyone asks, you're Igor.

[20:54] And, of course, they pause so the audience can be like,

[20:57] whoa, this is a huge moment we're witnessing in history.

[21:01] That's how it happened.

[21:02] I would have just assumed that.

[21:04] I thought this was a different Hunchback in a Frankenstein movie.

[21:08] I figured that maybe just someone would give him that name.

[21:12] Like, I don't know, his parents or somebody.

[21:14] I thought maybe he could have just been named Igor from the beginning of the movie.

[21:17] And that maybe we didn't need an origin for a name that is not a crazy...

[21:21] It's not like he got the name Flash Lightningburg or like Google Eyes Buffy.

[21:26] Like a crazy name we would need an origin for.

[21:29] The Jewish speed superhero.

[21:33] Yeah, he's Jewish and he has the power to be guilted by his parents in the blink of an eye.

[21:39] I always assumed that Igor was an acronym based on some kind of physical attribute of his.

[21:44] Yeah, I got orange, ostrich, ribs.

[21:51] Okay, yep, I got ostrich.

[21:53] That's what I always assumed was the case.

[21:55] That it was like intelligent guardian for operational research, something like that.

[22:00] Like it's an acronym, like wild cats.

[22:03] you know, or mask.

[22:04] What was Wildcats?

[22:06] Covert Action Team Squad.

[22:08] I think it was just Covert Action Teams.

[22:10] Wild was not an acronym.

[22:12] Just cats.

[22:14] There was a descriptor, yeah.

[22:15] Do I want the Sane Cat or the Wildcat?

[22:18] Well, the Wildcat's $50 cheaper,

[22:21] so might as well take that.

[22:22] Yeah, yeah.

[22:23] It'll go better up against Wetworks.

[22:24] Also an acronym.

[22:27] I don't think that it was.

[22:28] I know it wasn't.

[22:29] So there were,

[22:31] And James McAvoy cures Igor of his hunch.

[22:35] He says, you're not really a hunchback.

[22:36] You have an enormous abscess full of pus.

[22:39] And he stabs him in the back with a tube and then starts pumping it out.

[22:45] But then to really prime it, he sticks his mouth on the other end of the tube and siphons it out and has to spit out all this abscess pus.

[22:52] And it was at this point that I was like, I made the right decision by deciding to like this movie because this is disgusting.

[22:57] And it's not what I expected at all.

[22:59] and here's the main strength of this movie which does not unfortunately the movie doesn't continue

[23:04] with after a certain point but it like really gets across how disgusting the human body is

[23:10] and how gross it would be to be working with dead body parts and trying to put them together and

[23:14] zap them with electricity like yeah all the other frankenstein movies that i've seen i've never seen

[23:19] like flesh for frankenstein which i guess is more of a sex movie but like the all the other ones are

[23:24] pretty sanitary and clean considering the main characters are literally ripping organs apart

[23:30] and stuffing them together and sewing things and like yeah our heroes are grave robbers yeah and

[23:35] to really get across like how viscerally gross that is like i was saying it's true and how like

[23:40] rudimentary the science is yes that if stewart gordon had been making this movie it would have

[23:46] been a really fun movie it would have been disgusting grosser like it'd be really disgusting

[23:49] so he sucks all the puss out

[23:51] and he fixes Igor's back

[23:52] with a back brace

[23:53] and then he shows him

[23:54] I had this experiment

[23:55] I have a pair of human eyes

[23:57] I've kept preserved

[23:58] in this briny liquid

[23:59] and using electricity

[24:00] I can make it

[24:01] for fun

[24:02] I can make it

[24:02] so that they open and wink

[24:04] and if I put fire

[24:05] up to them

[24:05] they close

[24:06] because of the brightness

[24:07] I've

[24:08] these eyes

[24:09] I've kept alive

[24:09] and we're gonna do that

[24:11] with an animal

[24:11] these eyes

[24:12] these eyes

[24:13] are briny

[24:15] these eyes

[24:16] have seen a lot of brine

[24:17] but they'll never see

[24:17] a pickle like you

[24:18] I don't know about you guys

[24:21] I've interviewed a lot of roommates

[24:22] And I usually

[24:25] And you're usually like do you have eyes

[24:27] Preserved in brine because if so

[24:29] Then we'll have two of them in this apartment

[24:31] Because here's mine

[24:32] Private eyes are watching you

[24:36] From a briny place

[24:37] I thought briny eyes are watching you

[24:41] Oh that's even better

[24:42] Damn

[24:43] Your hollow notes parody abilities are way better than mine

[24:47] Briny eyes

[24:49] Whoa here they come

[24:51] She's a brine-ire

[24:53] Oh boy

[24:54] That doesn't even have eyes in it

[24:56] You're a stitch girl

[24:59] Briny Davis eyes

[25:00] Nobody knows what it's like

[25:05] To be briny

[25:07] To be slimy

[25:10] Behind brine eyes

[25:12] My brine eyes girl

[25:16] la la la la la la la la la briny eyes it's the eye of the briner it's the eyes in the brine

[25:26] and they're sitting in a vat of gross brine do you guys already turn around brine eyes

[25:34] why are you not taking part in this stewart why don't pretend you're above this but clearly you're

[25:40] jonesing to be a part of it you're the cool kid standing off by himself seeing the nerdy kids

[25:45] dancing, looking dumb, and you're like, I wish I could

[25:47] have fun like them, but I just can't do it.

[25:49] I don't admit that.

[25:51] So you've been interviewing roommates.

[25:53] So what were you saying about interviewing roommates?

[25:54] Wait, what are we talking about? I'll pretend that what Dan just said

[25:57] was English. What were you saying about interviewing roommates?

[25:59] Yeah, yeah, I normally

[26:01] show them my brine eyes. Now, meanwhile,

[26:04] we

[26:04] cut to a police detective

[26:07] who's investigating... Played by Sherlock

[26:09] Moriarty. Don't remember his name. Yeah.

[26:11] Which is one of the many

[26:13] people from TV Sherlock who

[26:15] make an appearance in this movie,

[26:17] who's investigating the murdered carny

[26:22] who was killed while they were escaping.

[26:24] Carny Wilson was murdered.

[26:26] It was very sad.

[26:27] Terrible.

[26:27] One of the carnys was killed by another carny,

[26:30] but the carnival owner says that this evil hunchback

[26:34] and this madman who helped him escape did it.

[26:36] The cop sees through this pretty quickly,

[26:40] but he still wants to arrest them

[26:41] because he knows that someone has been stealing animal parts

[26:45] and is using them for nefarious, ungodly purposes.

[26:48] Yeah, he's a real god walloper, this guy.

[26:50] He's really religious.

[26:51] He's like, Austin 316 this and that.

[26:53] Austin 316.

[26:55] He's like, know your role, Frankenstein.

[26:57] And he also has the walls of his office

[27:01] are covered in written grease pencil on glass notes

[27:06] because it's like Steampunk Minority Report

[27:09] or Beautiful Mind or Sherlock.

[27:11] It's all stuff we've seen before.

[27:14] victor and and the guy who plays moriarty who is playing not moriarty in this movie

[27:19] is basically reprising his role it's the same andrew scott yeah it's the same performance of

[27:25] life just call him moriarty well i will call him moriarty like uh like monotone delivery and the

[27:31] thing is is that as much as you know it it's funny that he's basically reprising his role

[27:36] He and our two leads

[27:39] Actually fucking go for it

[27:42] Like they are not

[27:43] They're not playing around

[27:44] No they're all acting up a storm

[27:45] They're really like

[27:46] Daniel Radcliffe

[27:47] After they fix his back

[27:49] And drain the abscess

[27:50] It seems like he's like

[27:52] Well I still kind of want to play a hunchback

[27:54] So I'm going to walk super weird

[27:56] The rest of the movie

[27:57] And Daniel Radcliffe

[27:58] He kind of loses his weirdness

[27:59] The movie loses its weirdness

[28:01] As it goes along

[28:02] Which is disappointing

[28:02] But James McAvoy

[28:03] Is always chewing screenery

[28:05] is the screenery is always the screenery and more areas always chew in the

[28:11] scenery.

[28:12] And like in a movie like this,

[28:14] that's great.

[28:15] Like I'm already watching a movie about a 19th century scientist who's trying

[28:19] to bring back dead bodies,

[28:21] like chew it up,

[28:23] go for it.

[28:24] Like you'd be in the tradition of like,

[28:26] uh,

[28:28] of like Colin Clive and Basil Rathbone and like all the guys who are not

[28:33] afraid to choose scenery,

[28:34] you know?

[28:34] Yeah.

[28:35] And Frankenstein was written, like, Mary Shelley is associated with, like, the romantic poets.

[28:41] Like, you can be a little bit over the top here, guys.

[28:44] Yeah, it's very much a, yeah, like, it's a romantic, not, yeah.

[28:51] It's very romantic.

[28:52] We all know how we're using romantic, not to mean love, but to mean, like, German romanticism.

[28:56] You know, high romanticism.

[28:57] It's a little romantic between Igor and Victor Frankenstein.

[29:00] Yeah, it is.

[29:01] There's some real homoerotic tension there.

[29:03] It's also called friendship.

[29:05] Yeah.

[29:05] It's more of a bromance.

[29:07] They're a little close.

[29:08] I guess.

[29:10] I mean, they touch a lot.

[29:10] I feel like there's an undercurrent.

[29:13] There's a sizzling undercurrent of electricity.

[29:17] I guess so, but that's fine.

[29:18] I mean, that's in the source material.

[29:20] Not really, actually.

[29:21] It's not.

[29:22] Well, Igor doesn't exist in the source material.

[29:24] Yeah, but if by a source material, I would say the original Frankenstein movies, I guess.

[29:30] there's not a sexual element there,

[29:32] but there is an element of a relationship

[29:34] in which there's a dominant and a passive member, you know?

[29:37] And that reminds me of...

[29:40] And like old Pinhead says,

[29:41] sometimes the lines of pleasure and pain get blurred.

[29:44] For a long time ago, I wanted to write a Frankenstein story

[29:47] where a bunch of people get their car breaks down or whatever,

[29:51] and they have to stay at the Frankenstein castle,

[29:55] and Frankenstein wants them to watch his big experiment

[29:58] that happens to be the night when he's going to bring the dead back to life and it doesn't work

[30:03] and he goes crazy and goes on a rampage and tries to kill them because they've seen him fail and in

[30:09] the end igor has to like calm him down and says to them like just go this happens all the time

[30:16] like this is and they're like why do you stay he's like i love him that's why i stay and like that's

[30:21] the frankenstein story i always wanted to do where like frankenstein's just a failure and igor is the

[30:25] one who is really the dominant

[30:27] one in the relationship and allows

[30:29] Frankenstein's delusion to continue that

[30:31] he is a scientist, but

[30:33] I don't have the time to write that shit, so I guess

[30:35] I just did. Deal with it. Somebody else write

[30:37] it up. Slide my name on it.

[30:39] Say story by Elliot Kalin. Anyway,

[30:41] the, uh,

[30:42] traditional fee of $700,000.

[30:45] $700,000, please.

[30:46] That's great. See, I've been working on a

[30:49] screenplay idea myself where

[30:51] it's just, I got a nugget.

[30:52] Okay, let's hear it. The idea

[30:55] is that uh you know it's a training scene where you're uh you're like heroes being trained by his

[31:01] old mentor okay i don't know to kill vampires or survive the apocalypse one of those things

[31:06] and uh you know they don't have access to proper training facilities so they're like we got to go

[31:11] train outside in the park but they don't want people to see them training uh out in the park

[31:15] to kill zombies or some shit so they have to dress up to look like those crazy guys who perform

[31:20] martial arts in the park so people see them they're like uh like you know when you see those

[31:25] guys and you like glance at them and you're like do not make that contact there was a guy in

[31:29] prospect he's got a boom box and he is practicing his kata with this uh i don't know war fan or

[31:36] something were you there the day that we saw that guy where the guy had a shopping cart full of

[31:40] weapons including a war fan and a bunch of side he was throwing knives into the ground it was

[31:45] like 10 feet away from a baby picnic party yeah it's so weird and imagine a story where he's the

[31:52] hero and he's actually a normal guy he just dresses and acts like a weirdo because like

[31:56] this is the only way i can train if i looked normal people would think the jig is up i look

[32:00] like a crazy person yeah maybe i think i got something yeah maybe maybe i got a couple of

[32:05] good movie yeah it's like a remo williams type movie the adventure begins has to continue now

[32:10] by this point frankenstein and igor they're working together as a team they're partners

[32:15] they're both uh providing valuable insights and necessary knowledge they have gotten to the point

[32:22] where they can bring to shuddering life for a few moments or like an hour a horrible desiccated

[32:29] half-fleshed chimpanzee corpse with other species sewn to it and uh this is a real creep show of a

[32:36] chimpanzee yeah just imagine like you know when they say the joke of uh like i shouldn't be i

[32:43] should not be alive well this is that yeah yeah that's a hilarious joke yeah yeah and then he's

[32:48] like well living yeah that's right but uh like when they first showed it i did not realize that

[32:54] was a chimpanzee that's how mangled no i just thought it was like a pile of hamburger meat

[32:58] with teeth with electrodes and uh but they managed to make it kind of come to life so they say it's

[33:04] time, we're going to go to the medical college

[33:06] where the stodgy, old fuddy-duddies

[33:08] won't let me do my real research, and we're going to do

[33:10] a demonstration. And this was another touch

[33:12] that I liked, is that it's not in

[33:14] a huge lecture hall attended

[33:16] by the professors. It's like

[33:18] they rented one of the rooms,

[33:20] and there's seven people

[33:22] in the audience. And it felt very much like

[33:24] victory. Well, they had someone in

[33:26] Times Square handing out things. Do you like

[33:28] science? Do you like science?

[33:29] Do you like tampering in God's domain?

[33:32] Do you like it?

[33:33] What are you going to do tonight?

[33:34] You know, we've got comedians who have appeared on Comedy Central, Tampering in God's Domain here.

[33:38] It's a small room, and even so, with that tiny audience, it looks empty.

[33:44] Yeah.

[33:44] Kind of like one of our early Flophouse live shows.

[33:47] Not really.

[33:50] We've always been pretty successful with those.

[33:51] But it did remind me of, like, my early days doing sketch comedy when I was performing in a strip club for audiences of up to two to three people at midnight.

[33:59] Or when I was in an improv group that performed in a place that was a yoga studio by day.

[34:05] And we regularly had more performers on stage than we had people in the audience.

[34:09] Classic.

[34:10] Classic experience.

[34:11] So that was kind of a nice touch.

[34:14] And there's one student there who's, you can tell, he's super rich and super obnoxious.

[34:19] Yeah, yeah.

[34:20] He's like a Draco Malfoy.

[34:21] Who's like, hurry up, hurry up.

[34:23] I have a coach waiting.

[34:24] And it looks like it's not working.

[34:26] He's just there to laugh at Victor Frankenstein.

[34:28] He's like, oh, Victor, you do amuse with your science.

[34:32] With your failures and incompetence.

[34:34] And Igor, who at this point, we've skipped over the romantic subplot.

[34:37] Frankenstein, because of his wealthy father who doesn't approve of him,

[34:42] he's a member of it.

[34:43] Played by Charles Dance.

[34:43] Played by Charles Dance in one scene.

[34:45] I think his contract was like, I'll only do the movie

[34:48] if I get to show up and slap James McAvoy.

[34:51] He knows what he did.

[34:56] It's not in the script, Charles, but I guess you can.

[34:59] The director goes, I'll allow it.

[35:01] Your character is supposed to show up and give your son a hug, but I guess we can rewrite it.

[35:05] What is a slap but a sharp hug to the cheek?

[35:08] I suppose, Charles Dance.

[35:10] Yeah, why not?

[35:11] You know, originally, Tywin Lannister was supposed to be a really nice guy, and Charles Dance met George R. R. Martin.

[35:18] He said, I might play this character someday and make him a real shit.

[35:20] What is a slap but a sharp hug to the cheek?

[35:24] It's like something an abusive father would say to their child.

[35:27] Yeah, bugging you real hard to the face.

[35:29] They're members of an exclusive social club where James McAvoy is not taken seriously.

[35:35] But the acrobat who has healed from her injuries and is now the –

[35:41] like she's been taken under the wing of a gay aristocrat who uses her as a beard.

[35:45] She meets Igor and it's love at first whatever, you know.

[35:50] And they've slowly become more and more lovey-dovey.

[35:52] and he invites her to this exposition.

[35:55] Yeah, he's like, you want to see a chimpanzee corpse?

[35:57] You want to see a gross half-zombie monkey

[36:00] shudder around on a table as we're zapping it with electrodes?

[36:03] He knows what a lady's like.

[36:05] L-L-Cool-Z-H-C.

[36:07] Ladies love cool zombie chimps.

[36:09] Now, if this movie really wanted to lean into the horror side,

[36:13] there would have been a moment where she would see

[36:16] what they've made and how horrible it looks,

[36:20] And for him to look like, look, isn't it great?

[36:23] Yeah.

[36:23] Like a moment of stark reality, but no, it doesn't do that.

[36:27] No, instead, well, I mean, they show it.

[36:28] She just seems sort of worried.

[36:29] She's just like, well, what are they doing with that hamburger meat?

[36:32] She seems maybe like she just has like a stomachache, like a mild stomachache.

[36:36] And they zap it and a bunch of flies come out of it.

[36:38] And it looks like they're failures until they give it maximum power.

[36:41] And Richie Rich is heckling them.

[36:43] And once they zap it with max power, it starts breathing and it gets up and it's running.

[36:48] This chimp zombie's running around and screeching at people.

[36:50] It's like, I'm not practical effects anymore.

[36:51] And before this point, there's been a ton of great practical effects,

[36:55] like real gross-looking zombie bodies.

[36:59] Yeah, and meat faces and things.

[37:01] Brown meat.

[37:01] And now it's CGI.

[37:03] But it would be hard, to be honest, it would be hard to do,

[37:05] even with today's practical effects,

[37:07] without it costing a ton more money,

[37:09] a realistic-looking zombie chimp racing around.

[37:13] Even when he was alive,

[37:16] you couldn't get Kenny Baker in there to pilot the thing.

[37:18] Oh, maybe Billy Barty, maybe.

[37:21] They have a pretty great zombie chimp chase

[37:23] where Daniel Radcliffe is like,

[37:26] there's kind of a funny moment

[37:28] where the chimp is running towards a door

[37:30] where people are walking behind it,

[37:32] and Daniel Radcliffe is like,

[37:33] no, no, no, they can't see our shame.

[37:36] He's so much more worried about embarrassment

[37:38] than he is that this zombie chimp will bite his face off.

[37:41] But there's a point where the zombie chimp...

[37:43] There's multiple points where they're wrestling with it,

[37:45] And it makes me physically disgusted.

[37:48] Because it's so gross.

[37:49] And here's the Stuart Gordon difference.

[37:51] With Stuart Gordon, he would have had a close-up.

[37:53] When they're grappling with it,

[37:54] he would have had close-ups of the fingers

[37:56] sinking into the goopy, like, bush that it's made out of

[37:59] and pulling their hands away,

[38:00] and there'd be, like, a sticky strand of ooze.

[38:02] It would be like when...

[38:04] Sam Raimi or Peter Jackson would have done the same.

[38:07] And the monkey then would have, like,

[38:08] vomited in someone's mouth, and they would have vomited.

[38:10] And everyone would have vomited, like, in Stand By Me.

[38:14] we're like in uh in hateful eight that one big vomit scene which is what uh my wife and i went

[38:20] to see it and her eyes were closed during the whole like blood killing stuff and then there's

[38:24] a part where the part where he's just vomiting torrents of blood spoiler alert i don't tell you

[38:28] what character i went oh and she opened her eyes again then shut them i was like why'd you open

[38:33] your eyes because she laughed you laughed at it i thought it was over i thought the gore was over

[38:37] because he laughed you're like do you understand me at all we've been married for at that point

[38:42] we've been married for five years come on but that's and i mean i'm assuming you guys are the

[38:47] same way but anytime i see something horribly gross on the screen especially in a theater full

[38:53] of people you laugh i totally crack up i we when we saw green room there were parts where i'm like

[38:58] oh shit that was it's not even that convincing in effect but the first time i saw a taxi driver

[39:04] when the guy goes hey and travis pickle just blows his fingers off yeah i laughed at that

[39:09] because it was like, I don't know how to process this.

[39:11] Yeah, I'm like, I gotta rewind this

[39:13] and watch this thing like five times in a row.

[39:15] I gotta Funny Games this and rewind it and watch it again.

[39:18] But so there's a point.

[39:21] And so she is edging closer to the zombie chimp.

[39:24] The zombie chimp for a moment is tranquilized by her beauty

[39:27] and then snarls.

[39:29] And Daniel Radcliffe, for some reason,

[39:31] thinks it's a good idea to throw a lamp at it

[39:35] so that the fire forces it to jump towards his love.

[39:38] But it runs out the door, and there is a really good kind of chimp grapple chase

[39:41] where Igor's just got to wrestle this chimp to the ground and get it to a place.

[39:45] Sometimes you've got to wrestle a chimp.

[39:47] Yeah.

[39:47] I mean, that chimp had an Igor on his back.

[39:49] Oh, boy.

[39:51] And get it to the point where James McAvoy can smash its head in to kill it.

[39:55] And it was at this point that the movie reached its height.

[39:58] Like, that was the most success.

[40:01] Like, the movie was at its height of success.

[40:03] And from that point on, it just became a pretty boilerplate.

[40:06] The cops are looking into—the cop is looking into it further.

[40:09] They decide they're going to make a human.

[40:11] He's mad—James McAvoy is mad that Daniel Radcliffe is spending time with this girl instead of working on their project.

[40:17] They interact with the cop.

[40:18] The cop shows up and explains, like, I'm on to you.

[40:21] And they're like, you don't have a warrant.

[40:22] And he's like, I'm going to go get a warrant because apparently that's how the fucking law works back then.

[40:27] I mean, I don't know anything about 19th century London law, but I kind of—I don't know that—I mean, maybe it's in the Magna Carta.

[40:35] You need a warrant.

[40:36] there's all these

[40:39] 16th century police things

[40:41] where they're like open up

[40:42] you have the jewels, holds up a copy of the Magna Carta

[40:45] get a warrant copper

[40:47] you can't search me oval

[40:49] yeah they've got

[40:51] the fucking Miranda rights

[40:53] you have the right to remain silent

[40:54] you have the right to a barrister

[40:56] if you have no barrister then one will be appointed to you

[40:59] and the rich kid

[41:01] is like I misjudged you Frankenstein

[41:03] I want you to

[41:05] fund your work. I want you to build me an army

[41:07] of these gross chimps. An army of zombie

[41:09] chimps because that's the closest I'm ever going to

[41:11] get to being Danny DeVito in Batman Returns

[41:13] when he had an army of penguins with

[41:15] missiles strapped to their backs.

[41:16] So do this for me, Dr. Frankenstein.

[41:19] Unfortunately, the police get, the police

[41:21] inspector, even though he's obsessively

[41:23] obsessed with the case,

[41:24] or because of it, he

[41:27] decides I gotta take him down what they're doing is blasphemy

[41:29] against God. Yeah, Victor

[41:31] Frankenstein was working in his lab late one night

[41:33] When his eyes beheld a dreadful sight

[41:36] And it was Moriarty banging on the door

[41:38] Trying to get in

[41:39] And two cops doing the most lackadaisical

[41:42] Battering ram work

[41:43] Now Igor gets there in the midst of it

[41:45] Because he has just

[41:46] First banging with his girlfriend

[41:49] Which that's when we realize

[41:51] Why does she have a tattoo on her shoulder

[41:54] It's really weird

[41:56] It feels like a makeup mistake

[41:57] Where they're like let's just leave it

[42:00] I guess she was a sailor

[42:01] She's like an acrobat

[42:03] That's kind of a saucy profession.

[42:05] Like that society is just going to accept her?

[42:08] Yeah, I don't see that.

[42:10] It's a weird movie set in 19th century England

[42:14] that seems to have no sense of the class system of England,

[42:16] except that some people are rich.

[42:18] Or the legal system, as we just mentioned.

[42:19] Or the legal system.

[42:20] Some people are rich.

[42:21] Some people aren't as rich.

[42:22] What are you going to do?

[42:23] Also, some people are slaves to circuses.

[42:25] But it's a classic movie shorthand.

[42:28] We know that Daniel Radcliffe has had sex

[42:30] because we've seen him with his shirt off with the girl.

[42:32] and the next scene

[42:33] he's not wearing

[42:34] a tie and a hat anymore

[42:35] and he's fucking strutting

[42:36] cock of the walk

[42:37] and he is laid back

[42:38] yeah he is like

[42:39] this guy

[42:40] this guy's gotten drained

[42:41] for the first time

[42:42] oh boy

[42:43] he could have basically

[42:44] like snatched an apple

[42:45] off like a passing cart

[42:47] and fucking chomped on it

[42:48] yeah

[42:48] looks in a shop window

[42:50] and just kind of

[42:51] gives himself a

[42:51] hey nice going there guy

[42:53] going walking down the street

[42:54] saying

[42:54] what a day

[42:55] it has been

[42:56] what a rare mood

[42:58] I'm in

[42:59] you know how it goes

[43:02] Yeah, yeah.

[43:02] It's almost like being inside of a woman.

[43:05] Yeah, exactly.

[43:06] Anyway, disgusting.

[43:06] He passes a peasant woman that he...

[43:11] They had peasants back then, right?

[43:12] Most of them.

[43:13] I mean, they didn't call them peasants.

[43:14] And he dances with her for a second and spins her.

[43:17] She goes, buy me apples, sir.

[43:20] Here's 10, Bob.

[43:23] How much is that?

[43:24] Thank you, sir.

[43:25] Bites coin, runs off.

[43:27] To the ale house with me.

[43:31] Apple Annie.

[43:32] To the opium den

[43:33] to chase the dragon.

[43:34] I want to follow

[43:35] Apple Annie's story now.

[43:37] To the opium den

[43:40] to play double dragon.

[43:41] They've got an arcade game there.

[43:43] Oh no,

[43:44] beware the Peaky Blinders

[43:45] and the Abobos.

[43:47] And so Igor gets there

[43:50] and he's like,

[43:50] huh?

[43:50] He gets in through

[43:51] the secret trap door

[43:52] because everywhere

[43:53] that this movie takes place

[43:54] there's always a secret trap door.

[43:56] In the below a circus tent

[43:58] there's a secret trap door

[43:59] that they escape through.

[44:00] In the lab

[44:01] there's a secret trap door that leads to their like organ freezer and so later there's a castle

[44:06] with a secret trap door anyway uh and he says to james mcavoy we got to get out of here james

[44:10] mcavoy goes no i'm gonna destroy my equipment then i'll escape no one's gonna have it uh moriarty

[44:15] breaks in they have a fight in the middle of it uh james mcavoy manages to stick moriarty's hands

[44:21] between some gears thus destroying the hand and sparks blind him in one eye that's pretty great

[44:27] but it's one of those weird things where it's like

[44:29] did they think because like

[44:31] young Frankenstein takes off of Son of

[44:34] Frankenstein where there's a police

[44:36] officer who has a wooden arm because the

[44:38] monster tore it off of him when he was a child

[44:40] did they feel like they had to

[44:42] nod to that like well of course

[44:44] it's part of the established Frankenstein canon now

[44:46] that there's a police officer with a wooden arm

[44:47] that just goes without saying

[44:49] by some process of convergent evolution

[44:52] did they just get like is it a

[44:53] wink to that or is it not

[44:55] I think it's a wink, because I feel like there were a lot of winks to, like, Frankenstein.

[44:59] To past movies.

[45:00] Yeah, I mean, there's even a point where the acrobat calls Frankenstein Frankenstein, and he corrects her.

[45:06] Yeah, as a joke. Yeah, that's true.

[45:07] Which makes me wonder if the people who made this know that the...

[45:11] Just watched Young Frankenstein?

[45:12] Yeah, and thought that was the movie they were rebooting?

[45:15] I don't...

[45:17] If you're going to have a scene where a kind of bad guy gets his hand stuck between some gears and it gets mangled off,

[45:25] Like, why not do at least one shot of that thing squirting blood and bones and crap all over the place?

[45:30] Yes, show us the mangling.

[45:31] And him going, ah, ah.

[45:32] Like a real face with one long spurt of blood coming out of it.

[45:37] Yeah, yeah.

[45:38] Like, that's exactly where the hose is.

[45:39] That's been great.

[45:40] That's all I want.

[45:41] Like, even fucking Romancing the Stone has that.

[45:43] Yeah.

[45:43] Even Romancing the Stone, which otherwise is the pinnacle of special effects.

[45:48] I don't understand.

[45:49] Which otherwise what is?

[45:50] Which otherwise is the gentlest movie.

[45:52] yeah otherwise it's just a romp through a tea room

[45:57] even my dinner with andre but uh i guess flash forward a little bit they're at the rich guy's

[46:06] house and the rich kid says my family has a castle go there i'll set you up make me a monster man

[46:12] and igor's like i don't want to do that igor's also found out that the original igor uh frankenstein

[46:19] froze his body and took his eyes

[46:21] for that eye experiment. And Igor's like,

[46:23] you took his eyes? And it's like, dude, where did you think

[46:25] he got a pair of human eyes for his experiment?

[46:27] He had to take them out of a human head. He didn't

[46:29] mold them out of clay.

[46:30] He went down to the eye store

[46:33] for the new eye

[46:35] bone.

[46:37] Keep juggling it?

[46:38] I don't know. I was trying to vamp.

[46:40] He couldn't go down to the eye works in New Los Angeles

[46:43] of Blade Runner and order a bunch

[46:45] of eyes from Mr. Chew, whatever his name

[46:47] was but uh they so he so they split their ways this is the part in shrek where shrek and the

[46:54] donkey get mad at each other and go their separate paths for reasons and uh so igor i guess is just

[47:00] hanging and banging with his girlfriend no the uh the rich guy throws a bag over his head oh you're

[47:05] right you know too much we're gonna chuck you in the water that the rich guy tries to kill igor

[47:09] igor escapes yeah because he's a circus guy so he knows how to escape like the boring stupidest

[47:15] that's what happens to a circus guy every day you learn that stuff he's an escape artist

[47:19] uh he's a mr miracle he says i gotta warn victor that this rich kid's probably gonna kill him and

[47:26] take his technology which at this point not the most marketable no all you've been able to show

[47:31] is that you can turn perfectly dead chimpanzees into maniac monster zombie chimpanzees again

[47:38] not on the open market i don't know how much that's worth so they go to the castle and they

[47:43] You have to evade the police because even though the inspector has been kicked off the force.

[47:46] He's been kicked off the force due to improperly filing paperwork, it seems.

[47:49] And because he has this crazy wooden hand now with individual fingers as if he's going to be able to move it like Ash in Army of Darkness style.

[47:57] Yeah, or maybe he just wants to have a hand that he can pose for life drawing.

[48:01] Could be, yeah.

[48:02] Or he wants to be able to flip people the bird.

[48:04] So he needs individually articulated fingers.

[48:06] Yeah, he's like, hold on, let me, hold on.

[48:08] He curls each finger down individually.

[48:11] Individually.

[48:11] He's like, give me a second, what's the hand symbol for Rip'Em from No Holds Barred, the Hulk Hogan movie?

[48:17] So, Igor has to evade the cops.

[48:20] He gets to the castle.

[48:22] It's the night of the big experiment.

[48:24] Yeah, it's the night of the big prom.

[48:26] And Igor doesn't have a date.

[48:27] He has two dates, actually.

[48:29] And he has to rush back and forth between each one.

[48:31] Oh, no, and one of them's a real monster.

[48:33] Literally.

[48:33] Now, I can't remember how much time is supposed to have elapsed.

[48:37] I guess he had to recover, so that's given Dr. Frankenstein time to get his stuff together.

[48:41] Get an army of goons.

[48:42] Because at the castle, he has got a huge staff of people.

[48:45] They have, it's enormous, all these electrodes.

[48:48] There's an open fire pit for some reason.

[48:50] Yeah, yeah.

[48:51] Because I guess Hephaestus was working on the project.

[48:53] Or maybe once they brought the monster to life, they were going to celebrate with s'mores.

[48:57] They're all wearing steampunk leather gear, wandering around.

[49:00] Some people just have goggles and leather aprons.

[49:02] Some people have, like, full leather face masks.

[49:04] Like, kind of like Cobra Commander when he's not wearing the silver face.

[49:09] Yeah, kind of, yeah.

[49:10] It's like a cross between the really scary place

[49:14] in that David Lynch one-minute-long movie

[49:16] I recommended a while ago,

[49:17] premonition of a...

[49:19] Yeah, premonition of a shit.

[49:22] Something with a crime.

[49:23] Yeah.

[49:24] Well, anyway.

[49:25] But I can't believe I forgot the name of it.

[49:27] Or like they've wandered into every bad guy's lair

[49:30] from every Hellboy story.

[49:32] Yep.

[49:32] Where it's like a castle with a bunch of electrodes

[49:34] and guys in leather masks.

[49:36] And a head floating around in a suspensor chamber.

[49:39] Yeah, going like,

[49:39] And you're like, oh, man, there's going to be a fucking robot gorilla around the next corner.

[49:45] At some point, because Mike Viola just loves to draw those.

[49:48] At some point, Hellboy's going to be like, damn, crap, and punch somebody with his big rock fist.

[49:52] What a great comic book.

[49:54] Yeah.

[49:54] Anyway, Igor gets there.

[49:56] It's the night of the big going to bring a guy back to life.

[49:59] It's very elaborate.

[50:01] Igor manages to sneak in and finds Dr. Frankenstein and says,

[50:04] Your rich buddy's crazy.

[50:05] He's going to kill you when this is all done.

[50:07] This isn't you.

[50:08] You're not crazy, which ignores all the evidence we've seen throughout the entire movie, which shows us he is a crazy madman who wants to bring people back to life.

[50:16] There's a whole backstory about his brother died because he was saving him from some snow.

[50:20] That's why he wants to balance the charts.

[50:22] Yeah, the movie tries for a moment to have a have this epiphany where Igor has, you know, is remembering something that Dr. Frankenstein said about and like a story that involves his brother dying and he draws some kind of correlation.

[50:38] And then when he relates this analogy or the story to Frankenstein, Frankenstein's like, no, you drew the wrong conclusion, which is a fun device.

[50:48] Like that reminds me of – there was an issue of Preacher where somebody was like, oh, you felt this way because of this thing.

[50:56] And the guy is like, that's not true.

[50:57] Blah, blah, blah.

[50:58] Now you're dead.

[50:59] Bang.

[50:59] Ever since I saw this dead girl in this massacre and, oh, and you wanted to protect people like that.

[51:04] What was it like?

[51:05] No, I thought it was stupid.

[51:06] Yeah.

[51:06] Classic Garth Ennis.

[51:08] Or whatever.

[51:08] I don't know what Hairstar says.

[51:10] No, I know.

[51:10] Yeah.

[51:11] I mean you fleshed out that story better than I did.

[51:14] But I mean it felt a little bit –

[51:17] But here in the movie, it was basically like, it was not so different.

[51:22] Yeah, the two stories, it was you want to stop people from having to feel pain about death.

[51:26] No, no, no.

[51:27] I want to atone for my brother's death.

[51:29] Okay, that's not that different.

[51:32] By balancing the scales.

[51:34] It would have been, the way I would have done it is, I mean, is that,

[51:37] we wouldn't have gotten to that point anyway, but I would have been much better.

[51:40] Sorry, Max Landis.

[51:41] You've written many more screenplays than me, but whatever.

[51:43] But the way, what I would have done at that point is he would have said,

[51:47] I know your brother died and you blame yourself and you don't want other people to go through that pain and him to be like, what?

[51:52] My brother was weak.

[51:54] My brother is dead.

[51:57] I don't want that to happen to me, to be weak like him.

[52:00] I want to be strong.

[52:02] I want to come back.

[52:03] So I'm going to bring back as many other people as it takes so that I never have to die.

[52:08] And then like that, he's crazy.

[52:09] And that's a real misreading of it.

[52:12] They're like, oh, you think I feel sad that my brother died?

[52:14] I just pity him.

[52:16] That's pathetic.

[52:16] He was older than me.

[52:18] He should be cooler than me.

[52:19] Literally, he was cooler than me.

[52:21] He died of hypothermia in the snow, saving me.

[52:23] And it's like, dude, check your own self.

[52:26] You're splitting hairs, Victor.

[52:27] Keep going with your story.

[52:28] I apologize.

[52:29] Tangent.

[52:30] Anyway, and especially in my big moment.

[52:32] But here's the thing.

[52:33] I was like, this guy who I looked up to, he's so uncool, he died.

[52:39] You know what?

[52:40] Cool people never die.

[52:41] Michael Jackson, he's going to live forever.

[52:43] And Igor's like, I got some bad news for you.

[52:46] Ooh, he's dead now.

[52:48] Oh, well, that's...

[52:49] But David Bowie, surely.

[52:51] But David Bowie is super cool.

[52:52] He can't even be held by gender.

[52:54] Certainly mortality is...

[52:55] No, again, sorry, it happens to everyone.

[52:57] But Prince, of course, he's the...

[52:59] I got so much...

[53:00] You've really been working on this project for a long time.

[53:02] You really missed a lot of the news.

[53:04] But Kurt Cobain?

[53:05] I really would have thought you'd have heard of that one.

[53:08] No, that's...

[53:09] That's a little taste of some of the stuff we lost from the DC show.

[53:13] Oh, yeah, that's right.

[53:13] I forgot about that.

[53:14] Wait, the Big Bopper?

[53:16] Oh boy

[53:17] That was somehow before you were born

[53:20] Even though this is the 19th century

[53:22] But please tell me the Big Bopper

[53:24] Buddy Holly and Richie Valens are still with us

[53:26] It's interesting that you chose those three

[53:28] Specifically

[53:29] But what about the members of

[53:32] Leonard Skinner that didn't survive

[53:34] The plane crash? They're still with us, right?

[53:36] I mean, do you not know their names?

[53:38] Is that why you referred to them that way?

[53:39] Kind of

[53:40] Kind of breaking the conceit here

[53:42] If you know they died

[53:44] Oh, brother

[53:46] I'm going to list off some names to you

[53:48] Paul McCartney, George Harrison

[53:50] No, dead, dead

[53:52] McCartney's still with us

[53:53] No, sorry, I meant

[53:54] Unless, you know what

[53:57] Between us recording this

[53:59] And it gets released, Paul McCartney dies

[54:02] In which case I'll feel terrible

[54:03] I meant to say John Lennon, look, listen to this episode 30 years from now

[54:06] He's bound to be dead by then

[54:07] Oh, bro, oh boy

[54:09] Oh, I'm sorry, he'll be 100 years old

[54:12] I apologize, Dan, you know what

[54:14] for saving Paul McCartney in my world

[54:16] from the fate of being a decrepit old just shambling thing

[54:20] made of bags of bones, occasionally playing the mandolin.

[54:22] Yep, by then I'll have his wings.

[54:24] Angel wings.

[54:26] Anyway.

[54:28] That was the stupidest joke I made tonight.

[54:30] I hope my dad doesn't listen to this episode.

[54:31] Paul McCartney's his hero.

[54:32] Yeah.

[54:33] That's his living will.

[54:36] It just says that.

[54:37] Yeah.

[54:37] Oh, well, Paul McCartney is technically brain dead.

[54:40] We could keep his body alive on these machines.

[54:42] Let's check his life care plan.

[54:45] It just says live and let die.

[54:47] It's pretty confusing, Paul.

[54:50] So do you want to let us die, or do you want to let us let you die,

[54:54] or do you want to live, really?

[54:55] It should have been clear.

[54:56] It says right here, well, I'm not sure if he's saying here

[54:59] this ever-changing world in which we live in or in which we live in.

[55:04] One is redundant and one is not.

[55:05] You've got to be clear with us, sir, Paul.

[55:07] This is just weird where it says Admiral Halsey notified me

[55:11] He had to have a drink or a half a cup of tea.

[55:13] Something about a butter pie?

[55:15] Butter pie?

[55:17] The butter wouldn't melt, so he poured it in the pie.

[55:19] That's the accident that led to his being in this coma.

[55:22] I think I got the lyrics a little bit wrong, but you get the idea.

[55:25] Hands across the water.

[55:26] Who cares?

[55:26] Anyway, so there's a big showdown and a throwdown.

[55:30] They manage to bring the monster who they named Prometheus to life.

[55:33] And guess what?

[55:34] He's a dumb monster who's just pushing things over.

[55:37] The policeman rushes in, tries to shoot and kill him.

[55:40] the monster doesn't like that

[55:42] chokeslam

[55:42] starts chokeslamming everybody

[55:44] kills the inspector

[55:45] everybody's dying everywhere

[55:47] there's explosions

[55:48] everybody's dying

[55:48] there's a ton of

[55:49] overloaded circuits

[55:50] at some point

[55:51] Mark Gatiss

[55:51] gets exploded

[55:52] Mark Gatiss

[55:53] who is in a

[55:54] non-speaking role

[55:55] he's a glorified extra

[55:57] yeah yeah

[55:58] and Stuart was so excited

[55:59] every time

[55:59] I got so excited

[56:00] when he came out

[56:01] you were like

[56:02] a major character

[56:03] yeah

[56:04] he had a great mustache

[56:05] oh of course

[56:06] he had a great mustache

[56:07] he had a great everything

[56:08] Dan

[56:08] it ends up

[56:09] that just being the only people alive left alive or the only lovers left alive are igor

[56:16] dr frankenstein and the monster and let's just say this this movie had set a bar for grossness

[56:22] and they really they want to make it a big reveal when you see the monster for the first time

[56:26] and this monster did not cut it yeah it was super generic super generic like this was the

[56:32] this was the frankenstein's monster you see in front of the halloween store no not even in front

[56:37] of the halloween store they put the good one in front of the halloween store this is the one you

[56:41] see in the back of the halloween store where they real they're like if anyone gets back here they're

[56:45] going to see more halloween stuff so we'll put this super generic frankenstein's monster that

[56:49] just kind of has a flattish head and it's kind of like got bolts and stuff and you go to see it and

[56:53] there's a guy waiting by there and like i know it's not very scary but think about it he's got

[56:57] two hearts yeah that's right they also made four lungs they made them with two hearts and four

[57:02] lungs two of hearts which i thought of lungs stewart and ellie were talking about comics so

[57:09] they missed it but i thought there was a pretty funny moment where like we're just talking about

[57:11] comics we're talking about profit which is a great comic they thought that the that the

[57:16] frankenstein's monster was dead and victor frankenstein was like igor two hearts and he

[57:23] has to stab him in the second heart that's a pretty good moment pretty good joke wow i didn't

[57:28] realized that mark addis's character has a name uh what is it it's called awesome mustache dude

[57:35] oh wow but uh so so he so you know everyone ends relatively happily uh they there's a it ends up

[57:43] being a big fight between dr frankstein igor and the monster and that is a good joke that they like

[57:49] stab it through the heart but then it's got another heart would still live in but it's another one

[57:53] where suddenly they have superhuman Superman fighting skills

[57:56] and it's like, oh, so this monster's not really that scary

[57:59] if two dudes, one of whom only learned to walk normally

[58:02] a few months ago, can just defeat it.

[58:06] But his knowledge of the human or monster anatomy

[58:08] is so good that that thing is just screwed.

[58:11] He's like four or five moves ahead.

[58:13] Yeah, yeah, it's his master chess.

[58:14] And so they all, they survive.

[58:17] The girl shows up in the middle of the wreckage

[58:19] the next morning, takes Igor away and has a note

[58:21] that dr frankenstein wrote him where dr frankenstein says you'll always be my greatest

[58:27] creation igor well friends you know what we may we may we should part for a little while but i'm

[58:32] gonna i may need your help again sometime in the future until then i remain and then the title

[58:36] victor frankenstein comes up slide on sunglasses csi miami i do love that he's like i may need

[58:44] your help in the future and it cuts to him looking at a little like a crude drawing of a head with

[58:49] the top cut off and it's his brain like an arrow pointing at a brain it's his brain like he was

[58:55] like oh right that's what i forgot brain goes in the head i put it in the butt that's why it was

[59:00] so dumb there is a moment where he sees the monster for the first time and he's like i did

[59:04] it brother i brought you back and he sees no spark of intelligence in this being and he's like no this

[59:10] isn't life and it was like what did you think you were making dude like like he was gonna start

[59:15] drinking tea and talking like at the very at the very least he is a baby with the body of a giant

[59:21] you know yeah that's best case scenario you're gonna have to teach him how to talk

[59:24] yeah like dauber from coach yeah perfect analogy pretty rough but uh uh we're running super long

[59:33] again let's sorry so final judgments let's do final judgments is this a good bad movie wait

[59:39] hold on is this totally scarifying thank you is it totally snorifying or is it frighteningly funny

[59:47] stewart what do you have to say worst categories they never uh so there's a chance that this movie

[59:53] was going to be frighteningly funny uh but it ended up being snorifying uh the first like half

[59:59] an hour is all right um and then it just kind of falls apart and gets really boring i don't say

[1:00:05] this a lot, but the fact that there's only

[1:00:07] one woman with a

[1:00:09] speaking role just seemed weirdly

[1:00:11] more pronounced in this specific

[1:00:13] movie. I don't know why. She barely had any

[1:00:15] personality. Yeah, it was just so...

[1:00:16] She was pretty, Dan. That was the personality.

[1:00:18] Yeah. I mean,

[1:00:21] I don't know what

[1:00:22] could have saved this movie, but

[1:00:24] not a great movie. Might as well just not have

[1:00:27] a female character in it.

[1:00:28] Kinda, yeah. I mean...

[1:00:30] It was like, by including one, it highlighted

[1:00:33] how unnecessary and just

[1:00:35] token she was.

[1:00:36] Like, Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross is shit.

[1:00:38] Just make it a bunch of angry guys yelling at each other

[1:00:41] in a high-pressure situation.

[1:00:42] Get Al Pacino, Kevin Spacey,

[1:00:45] Ed Harris, the late Jack Lemon,

[1:00:47] Alan Arkin,

[1:00:50] Jonathan Price,

[1:00:53] I was going to say Jeffrey Price, that's not his name.

[1:00:54] Alec Baldwin, for a scene

[1:00:59] written just for the movie, not in the original play,

[1:01:01] Glenn Gary, Glenn Frankenstein.

[1:01:02] I think Paul Rudd.

[1:01:05] uh nope gonna say negatory to that one no there's that one non-speaking role ducked his head in and

[1:01:12] he winked yeah gotta go yeah gotta go be a kid right now it feels like uh she was included and

[1:01:19] a couple of the characters seem like they're included exclusively to force very brief uh

[1:01:25] discussions of like the metaphysical and ethical ramifications of trying to bring a dead body back

[1:01:31] to life yeah uh in conversations that felt pretty out of place for like oh you're an acrobat you

[1:01:37] know a lot about like you know a lot about morals and stuff i mean don't limit her okay it's right

[1:01:43] but but i i would say this was a movie not to go by our dumb shocked over right rating what dumb

[1:01:48] sir sir i apologize sir not to go for our shitty shocked over ratings okay this is the first like

[1:01:57] 30 40 minutes this was i was like this is gonna be a movie i kind of like i'm it's not great but

[1:02:03] i'm enjoying this as kind of like a crazy gross spin on the frankenstein story and then it just

[1:02:09] became snorifying like around the time that when that zombie chimp died the movie spirit died with

[1:02:15] it you know i have enough goodwill from the first hour of this movie the zombie chimp hour of this

[1:02:21] movie to give it a marginally uh totally scarifying because i mean it's not scary no it's not scary

[1:02:27] clarifying just means quality is what you're saying yeah i mean it was certainly better than

[1:02:32] i frankenstein which was a piece of garbage well even when it gets boring it's still kind of fun

[1:02:36] because the actors are so good and like there's stuff like we didn't even get into the fact that

[1:02:42] the um the uh moriarty character basically just just dies by getting like slammed into a big like

[1:02:49] electrode where

[1:02:51] he gets like

[1:02:53] swings into where the

[1:02:55] Frankenstein monster had been

[1:02:57] suspended from the ceiling.

[1:02:59] Yeah, and he gets lightning-fied.

[1:03:01] At that point

[1:03:03] you're like, hooray, he can be with his wife.

[1:03:05] Yeah, that's a happy ending for him.

[1:03:07] This is a movie where every, well,

[1:03:09] the main three characters all have

[1:03:11] a dark backstory.

[1:03:13] And they have to bring it up

[1:03:15] like the police detective has

[1:03:17] a dead wife frankenstein has a dead brother i wish there was less backstory just have the characters

[1:03:23] do what they're doing we don't need to know it all but i wish there's like that stretch between

[1:03:26] zombie chimp and the god or dameron at the end where they everything goes to balls like between

[1:03:33] that long stretch really kills it but then it picks up energy at the end if that frankenstein

[1:03:38] monster had had a more interesting design then the ending might have saved it for me yeah if it

[1:03:42] was like some lumbering disgusting thing i would have been like oh this movie's back you know

[1:03:47] they brought it back from the dead with lightning and gross.

[1:03:49] And then Igor pulls out a whip and he basically becomes Simon Belmont from

[1:03:53] the Castlevania series.

[1:03:54] And he like slashes open his guts and then like a second baby Frankenstein

[1:03:58] comes out of the guts.

[1:03:59] And he's like,

[1:03:59] now it's now it's three men and a,

[1:04:02] and a baby and they got to feed it like lightning in a bottle and then give

[1:04:07] it to him.

[1:04:17] I'm Jesse

[1:04:19] I'm Jordan

[1:04:19] And we've been doing Jordan, Jesse, Go! for almost 10 years now

[1:04:23] And it's not gotten any easier to describe

[1:04:25] So we asked our fans to do it for us

[1:04:27] Jordan, Jesse, Go! is a weekly conversation with

[1:04:31] Two best pals

[1:04:32] Two hilarious friends

[1:04:33] The hilarious smart kids

[1:04:35] Talking about hilarious stuff that happens to them

[1:04:37] Mostly really stupid stuff

[1:04:39] Awkward anecdotes

[1:04:40] Insane tangents

[1:04:42] Heartfelt stuff

[1:04:43] It's like being thrown in the middle of a hilarious conversation

[1:04:46] between you and your best pals.

[1:04:47] It's a show that makes me laugh every week,

[1:04:49] which is pretty rare and wonderful.

[1:04:51] It might be the best thing on the internet.

[1:04:53] One of the funniest things you will hear.

[1:04:55] And it's the best part of my week.

[1:04:57] And has kept me company for the past seven years

[1:04:59] through all sorts of life.

[1:05:01] I love those guys.

[1:05:03] That's Jordan Jesse Goh, the comedy podcast

[1:05:05] that's been named Best of iTunes.

[1:05:07] Every Monday on MaximumFun.org

[1:05:09] or your favorite podcasting software.

[1:05:11] I'll hug you and kiss you and love you.

[1:05:13] Love you.

[1:05:14] Love you.

[1:05:15] Love you.

[1:05:16] But we've got to move on.

[1:05:17] Do we have to?

[1:05:19] And by moving on, I mean we have...

[1:05:23] Slowly unfolding a piece of paper.

[1:05:25] A couple of...

[1:05:26] Slower.

[1:05:26] Of advertisers.

[1:05:29] Maybe unfold them before the show.

[1:05:31] Really unfolding those papers still.

[1:05:34] Well, now you're just...

[1:05:36] Taking my time.

[1:05:38] Were you keeping them a secret from us?

[1:05:41] Is that why they were folded up?

[1:05:42] It's a Shocktober surprise.

[1:05:45] And the surprise is that the Flophouse is supported in part by Mack Weldon.

[1:05:48] What?

[1:05:49] I'm wearing a Mack Weldon undershirt right now.

[1:05:52] I had a big meeting today, and I wanted to feel my best.

[1:05:55] That's why you look so confident.

[1:05:56] Thank you.

[1:05:57] So I wore my Mack Weldon undershirt,

[1:05:58] and I didn't feel anywhere near as sweaty and gross as I do in my other undershirts.

[1:06:02] I've got my Mack Weldon underwear on.

[1:06:04] My milk, milk, milk.

[1:06:06] That's why you look so super confident too, Dan.

[1:06:08] That's right.

[1:06:08] Look, guys.

[1:06:12] Mack Weldon believes in smart design, premium fabrics, and simple shopping.

[1:06:16] And it's certainly very simple.

[1:06:19] Scanning, scanning.

[1:06:21] It was just the, you really launched into that ad copy strong

[1:06:25] and then kind of pulled a Barack Obama.

[1:06:28] Acquiring.

[1:06:31] Buffering.

[1:06:32] Mack Weldon believes in smart design and easy shopping.

[1:06:39] I was trying to remember my Mack Weldon shopping experience.

[1:06:42] That was what the buffering was.

[1:06:43] But the thing is, the fact that I can't remember it suggests that it was very easy.

[1:06:47] It was super simple easy.

[1:06:48] You put a bunch of underwear in your cart.

[1:06:50] You pay for it.

[1:06:51] You get it and you wear it.

[1:06:52] And you're like, this is super comfortable.

[1:06:54] I feel a lot less sweaty and gross.

[1:06:55] And I can wear it all day, even longer than normal underwear.

[1:06:59] I may not take it off ever.

[1:07:00] Treat yourself.

[1:07:01] They want you to be comfortable.

[1:07:03] So if you don't like your first pair, you can keep it.

[1:07:05] And they will refund you, no question asked.

[1:07:08] And, you know, you keep that underwear because, you know, no one wants used underwear.

[1:07:12] You don't want to send that stuff back.

[1:07:13] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:07:14] The vending machine's full of it in Japan.

[1:07:15] That's true.

[1:07:16] Or so the legend goes.

[1:07:19] Mack Oldham's underwear.

[1:07:20] Legend of movie dick.

[1:07:21] Socks and shirts are good for all sorts of things.

[1:07:25] Working out, going to work, going on dates.

[1:07:27] Just everyday life.

[1:07:28] They look good.

[1:07:29] Ladies like the way that men look in them.

[1:07:32] Mm-hmm.

[1:07:32] And men like the way men look in them.

[1:07:36] Men like the way they look.

[1:07:37] I mean, my only experience is with ladies,

[1:07:39] so I'm sure men like them, too.

[1:07:40] If you want to look good...

[1:07:42] Even in college?

[1:07:43] Pretty early on, I knew what I was into.

[1:07:46] All right.

[1:07:47] There's no judgment there.

[1:07:48] It's just like, hey, certain types of music I don't like either.

[1:07:51] Go ahead and listen to it.

[1:07:51] I don't care, but it's just not my thing.

[1:07:53] Just checking out.

[1:07:54] Although, I listen to a lot of reggae now.

[1:07:56] He's looking for a shrink in that armor.

[1:07:58] I listen to a lot of reggae now.

[1:07:59] I'm looking for a chance.

[1:08:00] My son really likes Bob Marley,

[1:08:02] so we end up listening to a lot of Bob Marley in the house.

[1:08:04] Now I'm developing a taste for it I never had before.

[1:08:07] Maybe if my son is gay, I'll start being into dudes.

[1:08:09] I don't know.

[1:08:10] Yeah, you want to have something to talk about around the old fire.

[1:08:15] I mean, that's one of the great things about having children

[1:08:17] is that their interests open up new worlds for you.

[1:08:20] Yeah, yeah.

[1:08:20] Maybe that involves man on man.

[1:08:22] I don't know.

[1:08:23] Yeah, and the moral of all this is...

[1:08:25] Mack Weldon, buy it.

[1:08:26] Mack Weldon.

[1:08:26] Go to MackWeldon.com and get 20% off using the promo code FLOP.

[1:08:31] Get ready to wear the best underwear you've ever worn.

[1:08:35] Do you want to talk to us about Casper Mattresses?

[1:08:38] I would love to.

[1:08:40] Now, we're also supported in part by Casper,

[1:08:42] the online retailer of premium mattresses

[1:08:44] for a fraction of the price that you'd pay in the store

[1:08:46] for a non-premium mattress.

[1:08:48] It's obsessively engineered.

[1:08:50] They have obsessed over the engineering,

[1:08:52] much like Dr. Frankenstein,

[1:08:54] obsessed over bringing life back from the dead.

[1:08:56] Except instead of tampering in God's domain,

[1:08:58] they're tampering in your bedroom's domain.

[1:08:59] And I think you're going to like the tampering that they did.

[1:09:01] It's a shockingly fair price.

[1:09:03] Now, Dan, you have more personal experience with Casper mattresses than I do.

[1:09:06] I do have a Casper mattress.

[1:09:08] It's a delight for sleeping on and sleeping on.

[1:09:13] And dot, dot, dot.

[1:09:14] Yep.

[1:09:14] Tell us less.

[1:09:15] And sleeping on.

[1:09:16] Yeah.

[1:09:17] Whether you're sleeping out of tiredness or sleeping out of depression,

[1:09:21] Casper mattresses.

[1:09:22] Both of those things I have experience with.

[1:09:24] Now, there's a risk-free trial and turn policy.

[1:09:27] Try sleeping on it for 100 days.

[1:09:29] Use your Casper mattress for 100 days.

[1:09:31] That's slightly more than three months.

[1:09:33] and you know what if you don't like it it's free delivery and painless returns the mattresses are

[1:09:38] made in america by americans so you know it's both high quality and patriotic and it's 500

[1:09:45] for a twin size mattress 950 for a king size mattress that is excuse me that is a lot less

[1:09:50] than i paid for my current mattress which makes me mad that i didn't wait for casper to exist

[1:09:54] because when i bought my mattress casper didn't exist yet yeah and they send it to you in a box

[1:09:58] and it pops out when you open up the box, right?

[1:10:00] And you'll sleep like the dead.

[1:10:02] Like Erica, Lainey Atkin, Under Siege.

[1:10:05] It pops right out.

[1:10:06] Yep.

[1:10:08] Again, I don't really...

[1:10:10] There's a certain sexist bent to your references these days.

[1:10:13] No, it's not.

[1:10:13] It's just a reference.

[1:10:16] I mean, it is the most paused part of Under Siege.

[1:10:19] It's for video rentals.

[1:10:21] Now, Flophouse listeners get a special offer

[1:10:24] that's $50 toward any mattress purchase

[1:10:26] by visiting www.casper.com slash flop

[1:10:31] and using the promo code flop when you check out.

[1:10:34] Now, again, that's www.casper.com slash flop.

[1:10:38] Use the promo code flop.

[1:10:39] That's $50 off of your mattress.

[1:10:41] It's already a low price.

[1:10:42] Now it's going to be even lower.

[1:10:43] Try it for 100 days.

[1:10:44] You don't like it, send it back.

[1:10:45] Terms and conditions apply.

[1:10:47] I don't know what that means.

[1:10:48] You'll have to do the work on that one, fair listeners.

[1:10:51] But now that all the business is taken care of,

[1:10:56] Ooh.

[1:10:56] We can get on to letters from listeners.

[1:10:58] Listeners like you?

[1:10:59] Question mark?

[1:11:00] Maybe.

[1:11:01] Listeners like who?

[1:11:02] Did you see the letter?

[1:11:02] If you did, this could be your letter.

[1:11:06] Letters from listeners on Shocktober.

[1:11:07] La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la.

[1:11:09] Danny Offman style music.

[1:11:11] Shocktober letters.

[1:11:12] Nice.

[1:11:13] So this is from first name withheld, last name withheld.

[1:11:17] Okay, so nobody sent this.

[1:11:20] Who writes, hello, I'm a pretty recent listener,

[1:11:22] but I love your show and have been burning through your back catalog

[1:11:24] at about two episodes a day.

[1:11:26] That's a lot.

[1:11:27] I was so excited when I saw you guys

[1:11:28] had finally broken down and reviewed

[1:11:30] Nothing But Trouble

[1:11:31] with the great John Hodgman, no less.

[1:11:33] I have a bit of a weird perspective on that movie.

[1:11:35] I had never seen it until a few years back

[1:11:37] when my girlfriend excitedly picked up a DVD copy

[1:11:40] out of a department store clearance bin

[1:11:42] and insisted we watch it that night.

[1:11:44] Come to find out,

[1:11:45] this film is a favorite of her family.

[1:11:47] What?

[1:11:48] Just as some families get together and watch

[1:11:50] It's a Wonderful Life or A Christmas Story,

[1:11:53] The last name withhelds gather around the TV and delight in nothing but trouble, laughing heartily to each other and courting their favorite lines later at the dinner table.

[1:12:01] It's quite a thing to experience.

[1:12:03] Their miniature train bedecked dinner table where they eat huge for a Frank's.

[1:12:09] You know what?

[1:12:09] When I read this email for the first time, I imagined the same thing.

[1:12:12] We live the nothing but trouble lifestyle.

[1:12:15] I hope you'll be a part of it.

[1:12:17] It's quite a thing to experience, being the only one in a room full of people who doesn't think nothing but trouble is a cinema classic.

[1:12:23] So he's dating Dan Aykroyd's daughter, I assume.

[1:12:25] Yeah, well, he says, from this upbringing, you might be imagining my girlfriend turning out to be a dangerous lunatic.

[1:12:30] But oddly enough, she and her whole family are otherwise quite pleasant and normal.

[1:12:34] I'm trying to imagine what lines from that movie they're quoting.

[1:12:37] I mean, it's basically just what those two little crazy baby characters are talking about, right?

[1:12:42] Yeah, Bad Boy and Toonsbo, or whatever their names are.

[1:12:45] Little Devil.

[1:12:47] Little Devil and Beelzebub.

[1:12:49] Yeah, I would normally advise you

[1:12:55] to break up with this person immediately, but...

[1:12:57] No, study this person.

[1:12:58] No, yeah.

[1:12:59] You've got a front row, one-way ticket

[1:13:02] to the rarest of all breeds,

[1:13:06] a clan of nothing but troublers in the wild.

[1:13:08] So, yeah, find out what they like about it so much.

[1:13:13] Yeah, report back.

[1:13:14] Observe them.

[1:13:17] Take notes.

[1:13:17] Be wary, because when you study monsters, be worried that you may become one.

[1:13:24] I think Dylan Thomas said that.

[1:13:26] No.

[1:13:26] So many errors.

[1:13:29] Dear Dan, Salacious Stew and Exuberant Elliot.

[1:13:33] I don't get a nickname.

[1:13:35] Apparently.

[1:13:36] Well, Dear Dan.

[1:13:37] Yep.

[1:13:37] Salacious Stew is that guy who sits on Jabba's tail.

[1:13:41] I'll take it.

[1:13:41] This past weekend.

[1:13:43] Apparently Stan Lee wrote us this letter.

[1:13:45] This past weekend, I went to see Scarface with the flop cult I've assembled here in New Zealand based on your teachings.

[1:13:51] Although I'd obviously seen clips of the movie before, I'd never watched the whole thing.

[1:13:56] Now, from context, can you tell which Scarface is this?

[1:13:59] Is this the original Howard Hawks, or is this the later one?

[1:14:01] From context, I believe it's the later one.

[1:14:05] I'm assuming.

[1:14:05] Based on...

[1:14:08] As a philosopher, I assume nothing.

[1:14:10] Although I'd obviously seen clips of the movie before,

[1:14:13] I'd never watched

[1:14:14] the whole thing

[1:14:15] in its entirety

[1:14:15] and what amazed me

[1:14:17] most about it

[1:14:17] was how many

[1:14:18] hundreds of references

[1:14:19] to and parodies

[1:14:20] of Scarface

[1:14:22] I've seen in my life

[1:14:23] okay so it's a later one

[1:14:24] nobody parodies

[1:14:24] the first one

[1:14:25] exactly what they're from

[1:14:26] do you think Scarface

[1:14:28] is the most referenced

[1:14:29] or parodied movie

[1:14:29] of all time

[1:14:30] what would be

[1:14:30] the other contenders

[1:14:32] what movie have you

[1:14:33] watched that made you go

[1:14:34] oh so that's what that is

[1:14:36] hope you're all well

[1:14:37] Dre Last Name with L

[1:14:39] I would put

[1:14:40] Wizard of Oz

[1:14:40] and

[1:14:41] Cyn Cain is pretty up there

[1:14:42] I would put Wizard of Oz

[1:14:43] and The Godfather as the two I can think of

[1:14:45] that I feel like I've seen parodied the most.

[1:14:46] The Godfather was definitely one of those ones

[1:14:48] where as a kid, I saw references to it.

[1:14:51] Like The Horse Head in the Bed,

[1:14:52] I knew about long before I ever saw the movie

[1:14:54] because there were jokes for it everywhere.

[1:14:56] And like a lot of the lines in it and things.

[1:14:59] Like Marlon Brando's performance,

[1:15:00] it actually took me a long time to not think of as a joke

[1:15:04] because I had seen parodies of it and other things.

[1:15:06] Yeah, those are good ones.

[1:15:09] I mean...

[1:15:12] probably like smurfs too or like that that alvin the chipmunks road chip movie that's been parodied

[1:15:17] a lot right i saw i saw the part of part of our culture you know yeah it's part of the landscape

[1:15:23] the shared the shared heritage yeah the oral tradition i saw the bobo episode of the simpsons

[1:15:31] before i saw uh citizen kane and so it was a much richer experience once i knew that the whole

[1:15:38] episode was pretty much a

[1:15:39] straight parody of Citizen Kane.

[1:15:42] Although Citizen Kane

[1:15:44] doesn't end with a

[1:15:45] robotic Citizen Kane in the future,

[1:15:48] a monkey future,

[1:15:49] taking his sled. Maybe it would have been

[1:15:52] a success if it had. Yeah. Now,

[1:15:53] I remember, it took me a long

[1:15:56] time to realize that Silence of the

[1:15:57] Hams was a parody of Silence of the Lambs.

[1:16:00] You thought it was just a great Tom

[1:16:02] Dalloway's vehicle.

[1:16:03] I was like, Dom's done it again.

[1:16:07] Dom DeLuise, more like Dom DeLa Laughs.

[1:16:09] Now, on the other hand, you've got a movie like Airplane,

[1:16:12] which at this point has completely surpassed the movies that it was parodying

[1:16:16] in terms of cultural relevance and people remembering it,

[1:16:21] and now you see references to Airplane,

[1:16:23] whereas Airplane was very closely parodying...

[1:16:28] Zero Hour.

[1:16:28] Zero Hour, yeah, and the idea of the airport movie.

[1:16:31] Do you think the scary movie guys were really kind of shooting for that

[1:16:36] with their

[1:16:37] their

[1:16:38] trilogy

[1:16:38] maybe

[1:16:40] I mean

[1:16:40] I would

[1:16:40] if they had been like

[1:16:42] you know what

[1:16:42] someday people are going to think

[1:16:43] Scream was a rip off of Us

[1:16:45] like they might have thought that

[1:16:47] our movie

[1:16:48] that features a guy

[1:16:49] getting impaled

[1:16:49] through the head

[1:16:50] with a penis

[1:16:50] through the ear

[1:16:51] I mean

[1:16:53] the way you describe it

[1:16:55] it sounds really good

[1:16:55] yeah I guess you're right

[1:16:57] if Takashi Miike

[1:16:59] had directed it

[1:16:59] we'd be like

[1:17:00] that's great

[1:17:00] gotta go see it

[1:17:01] what an auteur

[1:17:03] this one is from

[1:17:05] Adam, last name withheld, who writes,

[1:17:07] Hey, Elliot slash Stuart slash Dan.

[1:17:10] Adam, the first man, also known as Frankenstein's monster.

[1:17:13] I mean, what is God but the original Dr. Frankenstein?

[1:17:17] Elliot, Stuart, Dan.

[1:17:19] Can we really say that the real man that God created

[1:17:21] has done that much better than Frankenstein's monster?

[1:17:24] No, just an idiot raging at an unforgiving chaos.

[1:17:28] Just violent idiots shambling around punching stuff for no reason.

[1:17:34] Hey, Elliot, Stuart, Dan, in order of what I assume is your interest in kaiju films.

[1:17:38] Yeah, maybe.

[1:17:40] Anyways, I have a couple of questions for you.

[1:17:43] Number one, I'm a big Godzilla fan, and having recently re-listened to your old episodes.

[1:17:52] Now, do you mean you're a big fan of Godzilla, or you're a fan of when Godzilla's big, and not that Marvel Comics storyline where he shrunk down?

[1:17:57] Or you're a fan who is big, who enjoys Godzilla.

[1:18:01] Yeah, like you're a little boy who cast a spell on yourself

[1:18:04] and you're going to fuck some old lady.

[1:18:05] Old lady?

[1:18:08] I mean, I guess she was an Elizabeth Perkins.

[1:18:10] Okay, chill out.

[1:18:11] I'm saying old in comparison because he was a fucking little boy, man.

[1:18:16] A little boy man.

[1:18:18] Exactly.

[1:18:19] He was an app descriptor.

[1:18:20] What was the name of the machine they found?

[1:18:23] It's not Zardoz.

[1:18:25] I keep wanting to say Zardoz.

[1:18:27] I was about to say Jambi, but I think that's wrong.

[1:18:29] Zool?

[1:18:30] Zoltan

[1:18:31] Zoltan

[1:18:32] that's what it is

[1:18:32] so

[1:18:34] the ambiguous

[1:18:35] sentence again

[1:18:36] I'm a big Godzilla fan

[1:18:38] okay

[1:18:38] and having

[1:18:39] table that one

[1:18:40] recently re-listened

[1:18:41] to your old episodes

[1:18:42] I have heard Elliot

[1:18:43] make quite a few references

[1:18:44] to the old Godzilla movies

[1:18:46] like specifically

[1:18:47] the almost incomprehensible

[1:18:48] moral message

[1:18:49] of Godzilla 2000

[1:18:50] being that

[1:18:51] there's a little bit

[1:18:52] of Godzilla

[1:18:52] in all of us

[1:18:53] oh beautiful

[1:18:54] as he's destroying the city

[1:18:55] yeah

[1:18:56] they look happily on

[1:18:58] it's wonderful

[1:18:59] I mean he has just defeated an alien

[1:19:02] invader using kick fighting

[1:19:04] but still

[1:19:05] the guy and the kid like looking on

[1:19:07] why is Godzilla always saving us

[1:19:10] as he's burning down a city

[1:19:11] that's his right

[1:19:14] his right after killing the giant alien

[1:19:16] he's the protector and shepherd

[1:19:18] of this earth

[1:19:19] now I have to ask all three of you

[1:19:21] which is your favorite Godzilla movie

[1:19:23] the original 1954 Gojira

[1:19:25] 1956 Godzilla King of the Monsters

[1:19:28] is off the table

[1:19:29] because everyone loves that one.

[1:19:31] Number two question.

[1:19:33] The Adventure Zone crossover

[1:19:34] is one of my favorite episodes

[1:19:36] that you guys have done.

[1:19:36] Now, I know your levels of experience

[1:19:39] with D&D are different

[1:19:40] between the three of you.

[1:19:41] Stuart reigns supreme here.

[1:19:43] But what are your favorite classes to play?

[1:19:44] I look forward to hearing your responses

[1:19:46] and whatever humorous tangents they lead to.

[1:19:49] Well, don't put too much pressure on us.

[1:19:50] Come on, dude.

[1:19:50] You don't ask for it.

[1:19:52] Now it's not going to happen.

[1:19:53] Adam last name would help.

[1:19:54] It's like going into a date

[1:19:55] and you're like,

[1:19:55] I'm looking forward to the sex we'll have tonight.

[1:19:57] It's like, well, you just made it not going to happen.

[1:19:59] And if it does happen, it's going to be mechanical and workmanlike.

[1:20:03] Yeah, because you're going out with a robot, dude.

[1:20:05] Because I consider the sex that I'm giving you, sir,

[1:20:08] as payment for the Olive Garden you put in my belly.

[1:20:10] Wow.

[1:20:12] I'm pretty mercenary when it comes to dating, Dan.

[1:20:15] When it comes to Olive Garden.

[1:20:16] You're here, you're family.

[1:20:19] And when I'm here, it's just to get some sweet breadsticks before I bone down.

[1:20:23] When you're here, you're a prostitute.

[1:20:27] Uh, yeah, my favorite Godzilla movies, I'll just get right off the bat, of the modern era, Godzilla Final Wars, is super fun.

[1:20:35] There's a little bit too much fighting between humans and humanoid aliens, where it's just Matrix-style martial arts.

[1:20:41] Some of that is good, goes a little too far.

[1:20:43] And I like that the morality of that movie is also weird, and that it seems to end with Godzilla and Minya forgiving America for dropping the atomic bomb on Japan.

[1:20:52] Not something they really have the right to do.

[1:20:55] But when I was a kid, for some reason, I really loved Terror of Mechagodzilla, which has Godzilla, Mechagodzilla, and Titanosaurus.

[1:21:01] And I don't know.

[1:21:03] It's not particularly good.

[1:21:05] For some reason, I really liked it a lot as a kid.

[1:21:07] I don't really have a wide experience.

[1:21:10] So I saw Godzilla 2000 in the theaters, and I had a ball.

[1:21:15] So I'm going to go with that because I don't have, as I said, a big frame of reference.

[1:21:20] Although, non-Godzilla kaiju, I enjoy watching Mystery Science Theater episodes with Gamera.

[1:21:27] With Gamera, yeah.

[1:21:28] There's this new Godzilla movie that's coming out that looks like it could be really good.

[1:21:32] But what were you going to say, Stu?

[1:21:34] I'm also going to pick a non-Godzilla kaiju movie.

[1:21:38] I was a sucker for Mothra for some reason growing up.

[1:21:42] I don't know if it was those little girls that are singing the Mothra song.

[1:21:44] I still call that a Godzilla movie.

[1:21:45] It's in the Godzilla-verse.

[1:21:46] But what I would also like to recommend is if you like kaiju and you like comics,

[1:21:51] run Don't Walk to Your Local Comic Shop and pick up the comic book Kaiju Max by Xander Cannon.

[1:21:58] I'm a huge fan.

[1:22:00] It's a story about kaiju in a world where kaiju are kept on a prison island.

[1:22:08] So it manages to be very cartoony and colorful, but also a very dark prison drama.

[1:22:14] It's a pretty harrowing prison story.

[1:22:16] Yeah, exactly, and the writing manages to fit a lot of fun jokes

[1:22:21] and references to kaiju movies and monsters and stuff like that.

[1:22:25] And Zander Cannon's a great artist.

[1:22:26] Oh, and he's great, so if you get a chance, go check that out.

[1:22:28] And it's pretty, I think the first trade's only $10, so.

[1:22:31] But the second question was, what are your favorite classes to play in D&D?

[1:22:36] And I don't know that Elliot and I have much to say about this.

[1:22:40] To me, D&D is dinosaurs and diners.

[1:22:41] That's what I grew up with, so Stu, you take this one.

[1:22:45] So, Elliot's obviously loves playing bards.

[1:22:47] He loves having to use a talk and sing.

[1:22:50] That's pretty obvious.

[1:22:51] If I didn't play a druid, I think I would want to play a rogue.

[1:22:54] Yeah.

[1:22:54] Maybe your druid could become a rogue.

[1:22:57] He became a bit of a rogue in an upcoming episode that we won't talk about

[1:23:04] because we're just teasing it now.

[1:23:06] But his personality underwent a radical shift.

[1:23:12] half way through the

[1:23:15] adventure perhaps he's finding that mystery

[1:23:17] that he's searching for that dark mystery of the

[1:23:18] universe I would say

[1:23:20] I really like playing

[1:23:22] I really like playing paladins

[1:23:24] because I like playing

[1:23:25] I have a tendency to like

[1:23:28] playing really strong really charismatic dudes

[1:23:30] that might be a little bit dumb

[1:23:32] okay

[1:23:34] yeah that's adorable

[1:23:36] last letter of the evening

[1:23:40] From Patrick Henry, last name withheld

[1:23:43] Hey Floppos

[1:23:45] I recently was flooded with terrible memories

[1:23:48] Of times I showed girls movies I thought

[1:23:49] Would make me seem interesting

[1:23:51] Like when I was a freshman in high school

[1:23:53] And tried to impress

[1:23:54] I was a fresh man

[1:23:56] I was gonna let it go that he said freshman weird

[1:24:00] But you bounced on it

[1:24:01] You called me Prometheus

[1:24:03] Someday I'll be a Sophmore

[1:24:06] I'll tell you something

[1:24:08] I overpronounced it because

[1:24:10] this person wrote like when i was a freshman in high school so i was correcting a mistake in the

[1:24:16] letter m-i-n and yeah like middle of the fucking mississippi dude like multiple men okay oh like

[1:24:25] multiple man jamie madrox yeah so i was i was doing him a favor but you uh you called me out

[1:24:31] on it i didn't i still did don't look at me sir take your accusing eyes and turn them to other

[1:24:37] way perhaps i'm uh simply an agent of elliot who's who's really in charge of stew stew or me

[1:24:47] like when i was a freshman in high school and i tried to impress a british girl by showing her

[1:24:52] guy richie's snatch just gonna let him press go yeah or later when i thought i would seem edgy

[1:24:59] by making a prospective mate since sit through darren aronofsky's pie because requiem for a

[1:25:06] was too mainstream.

[1:25:07] Needless to say, these attempts were fruitless.

[1:25:10] Do you guys have any memories of times

[1:25:12] you tried to show someone you were romantically interested

[1:25:14] in a movie, and in retrospect, it was

[1:25:16] a poor choice? Patrick Henry,

[1:25:18] last name withheld. P.S., the first movie

[1:25:20] me and my now partner for six years watched together

[1:25:22] was The Big Lebowski, while my brother

[1:25:24] was passed out on the couch. So it all works out

[1:25:26] in the end.

[1:25:26] Okay. I mean, I certainly like

[1:25:30] remembering high school showing a girl

[1:25:32] that I liked. So wait, are we going to lay some ground rules

[1:25:34] and say this isn't an opportunity

[1:25:36] for us to just brag about all the times

[1:25:38] that you totally hooked up with chicks while watching movies?

[1:25:40] No, we're only talking about times we didn't hook up with chicks.

[1:25:42] Okay.

[1:25:42] That, like, when I was in high school, I showed a girl Brazil,

[1:25:45] and I was like, this movie's amazing.

[1:25:47] And she thought it was really weird.

[1:25:49] And I remember two times now,

[1:25:52] I've taken women to see 2001 A Space Odyssey

[1:25:55] and have them, one, fall asleep during it,

[1:25:58] and the other time, my then-girlfriend, now-wife,

[1:26:03] we went to see the movie The Fall,

[1:26:05] Yeah, your favorite movie.

[1:26:07] The Tarsin movie, which is one of my favorite movies.

[1:26:08] And then I was like, 2001's playing at midnight, same theater, let's go to that.

[1:26:13] And the whole time she's like, why are we sitting through this movie?

[1:26:17] It's so late and I'm so tired.

[1:26:19] Sarah and I, our taste in the movie was very close together.

[1:26:23] But I do remember one time when I was describing the plot of Audition to her.

[1:26:29] And I was like making a point about, I was like explaining how this movie about torture

[1:26:34] was actually a movie about, like, feminism.

[1:26:37] Why did you ruin that movie for somebody?

[1:26:39] Let them go into it fresh, dog.

[1:26:41] So she'll hate you for real.

[1:26:44] Yes, why don't you watch it

[1:26:45] and then right about the middle point

[1:26:47] you turn and just focus on watching the reactions.

[1:26:49] Put a camera on her.

[1:26:51] She almost immediately...

[1:26:52] She rolls one cup this.

[1:26:53] She almost immediately was like,

[1:26:55] I'm not interested in hearing about this.

[1:26:57] I'm not interested in this movie.

[1:26:58] I don't care.

[1:27:00] No, but then she keeps saying deeper, deeper,

[1:27:02] and you're like, what?

[1:27:04] Actually, the other night I was just, for some reason, audition came up in conversation.

[1:27:09] And all I told Danielle was that, oh, yeah, and halfway through it turns out she's a crazy person.

[1:27:15] I won't tell you what happens at the end.

[1:27:17] And she said, thank you.

[1:27:17] That's my favorite thing is when you're explaining something that you know the other person isn't interested in and you have that moment of realization.

[1:27:25] I think I was describing the plot of a Rick and Morty episode to my wife.

[1:27:30] And I'm like, I should probably stop doing this.

[1:27:33] But I need to have some kind of like, I need to like wrap it up somehow.

[1:27:38] I need to give her a beginning, middle, and end to this story.

[1:27:41] Because the lack of closure will be even worse than the time I'm taking for a life.

[1:27:44] Which episode?

[1:27:44] I think it was the Mr. Poopy Butthole episode.

[1:27:48] Okay, sure.

[1:27:49] Which was a great episode.

[1:27:50] There was a time at my old job when I was a production assistant

[1:27:53] where I somehow found myself going into a monologue with a couple of my coworkers

[1:27:58] about the greats of stop motion animation and while i'm talking about how like willis o'brien

[1:28:05] taught you know mentored ray harryhausen i'm like in my head i'm like why are you talking about this

[1:28:10] they don't give a shit look at their faces you they this is a waste of their time that i like

[1:28:16] couldn't pull out of the dive they're just like no i have to see this through i'm gonna tell them

[1:28:20] about phil tippett and then i'll just stop there um to actually answer the question i know i know

[1:28:26] at least two different women have fallen asleep

[1:28:28] while I showed them Conan the Barbarian.

[1:28:30] I, of course,

[1:28:32] stayed up for the entire movie.

[1:28:34] I assume you weren't trying to impress them

[1:28:36] with Conan the Barbarian. You just like Conan

[1:28:38] the Barbarian. I think it's an awesome... I mean, I don't know.

[1:28:40] I don't want... I mean, I don't show

[1:28:42] women movies to impress them.

[1:28:44] I mean, with this, I don't necessarily

[1:28:46] try to impress them. No, but I want

[1:28:48] to show... This is cool. I want to share something that I

[1:28:50] love, and I think it's cool, and

[1:28:52] I obviously could expound

[1:28:54] at length about why it's cool.

[1:28:56] But I never had the opportunity because they'd fall asleep.

[1:28:59] And I've told the story on here.

[1:29:01] I think this is not the same thing.

[1:29:02] But when I showed my wife the Iron Giant when we were first going out,

[1:29:05] and I warned her ahead of time, like, I'm going to cry at this movie.

[1:29:07] And she was like, that's fine.

[1:29:08] That's okay.

[1:29:09] And then afterwards, she was like, I didn't think you were going to cry that much.

[1:29:13] I thought you were going to tear up.

[1:29:17] Your face is all wet.

[1:29:18] Still does it to me.

[1:29:21] Just think about that movie.

[1:29:22] It makes me cry.

[1:29:23] Yeah, it's like when I watch the end credits of Return of the King.

[1:29:26] I'm like, Charlene, get out of the room.

[1:29:29] Just don't look at me ever again.

[1:29:31] It can't be over.

[1:29:33] I'm going to be a mess.

[1:29:34] It can't be over.

[1:29:34] Take The Hobbit, which has almost no plot, and turn it into three movies, please.

[1:29:38] It's when they start doing the credits and they show the sketches of the different...

[1:29:43] Oh, my God.

[1:29:44] I lose it every time.

[1:29:45] Oh, fuck.

[1:29:46] So what do we do now, Dan?

[1:29:49] The letters are done.

[1:29:49] Gone the sign.

[1:29:50] From the hills, from the whatever.

[1:29:53] this is off to the grave along with i think bilbo yeah this is the point in the flop house

[1:30:00] where we recommend movies that we actually like movies that might be a better way to spend your

[1:30:06] time than watching victor frankenstein although that almost rhymed i kind of liked it but let's

[1:30:14] go uh stewart good turn sure i was yawning he was looking at me waiting for me to finish to

[1:30:22] answer he then decided you know what i'll go to stewart you know what it's not worth it

[1:30:27] this guy can uh finish his involuntary uh you guys gonna vamp some more before i go

[1:30:34] so at least uh this is the this movie is something that i'm surprised that i haven't

[1:30:42] recommended but i'm gonna i'm gonna trust in the flop house recommends wiki which is great

[1:30:47] uh that shows that uh it hasn't been recommended i'm gonna recommend a shocktober movie called the

[1:30:52] Howling, directed by Joe Dante.

[1:30:54] It's kind of a horror classic about a couple.

[1:30:59] It's a reporter who goes through a traumatic experience,

[1:31:05] and she and her husband, as a means to kind of repair her emotional state

[1:31:13] and get her ready to go back to work, they go to a retreat up in the woods,

[1:31:19] And the people in the town and at the retreat slowly turn out to be more than what they what they seem.

[1:31:26] And it's definitely a very like kind of 70s, kind of gritty, little bit trashy movie.

[1:31:35] It's got some I mean, it's called The Howling.

[1:31:37] So, you know, it's a fucking werewolf movie.

[1:31:39] So no spoilers there.

[1:31:40] But it's got some really great practical werewolf effects.

[1:31:46] It's got a great sense of humor.

[1:31:48] It's a little bit sexy, so, you know, hey, date night's coming up.

[1:31:52] And, yeah, so check it out, The Howling.

[1:31:55] Oh, and a little bit of an update for those following this podcast, The Flophouse.

[1:31:59] I now watch a little bit more of Hard Target 2,

[1:32:03] including I just watched a scene where Scott Adkins riding a motorcycle

[1:32:08] shoots a net and then a missile at Rona Mitra

[1:32:12] while she pulls out two crossbow pistols and shoots crossbow darts at him.

[1:32:17] I'm not going to tell you how that scene ends.

[1:32:19] But are you still enjoying the movie?

[1:32:22] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:32:23] I'm totally enjoying it.

[1:32:24] I've got to dole it out in small portions.

[1:32:27] The ongoing saga of Stuart watching Hard Target 2.

[1:32:30] It's like I'm edging myself a little bit.

[1:32:32] I don't want to give myself completely over to the pleasure.

[1:32:35] Sure.

[1:32:36] Dan, what are you going to recommend?

[1:32:37] I wish I had a Shocktober movie.

[1:32:42] I should have thought about this beforehand.

[1:32:45] i should have thought about this beforehand in a couple of different ways i should have had

[1:32:48] a movie to recommend you want me to recommend i don't have a horror movie do you want me to

[1:32:53] recommend a movie while you're doing no i the most recent movie that i watched that i enjoyed

[1:32:58] um and this is as so often a qualified recommendation from me uh is a movie called

[1:33:10] Possibly featuring Jackie Chan

[1:33:15] Possibly featuring one Jackson Chan

[1:33:18] Mr. Right

[1:33:18] This is the movie that I thought

[1:33:21] Of last week when I was

[1:33:23] Thinking of Mr. Nice Guy

[1:33:25] I don't mean to interrupt Dan but I kind of have to

[1:33:27] Is Jackie Chan in this movie

[1:33:29] Jackie Chan is

[1:33:31] Not in this movie

[1:33:34] At least we had a

[1:33:35] Took you a little bit of time to get there

[1:33:37] But at least we have a real answer

[1:33:39] uh great idea of whether what the jackie chan quotient or jcq is of this film now you know me

[1:33:46] i'm a little easier on movies than i think either of you are so take this with a grain of salt but

[1:33:51] if you're looking for a very very light movie to watch if you're i don't know lazing around on the

[1:33:59] couch need to pick me up yeah mr right is a good one sunday afternoon uh it it stars uh anna kendrick

[1:34:10] and sam rockwell two people who are professionally good at being charming and uh that's what they do

[1:34:17] in the movie stewart is putting his hand over his face i don't know what it is about what i just

[1:34:22] realizing what movie it is and the moment when you thought about that movie and we're like is

[1:34:27] Jackie Chan in that movie?

[1:34:28] I didn't think it was Jackie Chan in that movie.

[1:34:30] I just got the title of it wrong.

[1:34:32] Maybe he was like a side character.

[1:34:34] I got the title of it wrong.

[1:34:36] Maybe he had a cameo?

[1:34:37] Sorry. They're great. I like Sam Rockwell

[1:34:41] and Anna Kendrick. They're both really fun.

[1:34:43] Do they dance and or sing?

[1:34:44] Sam Rockwell does a bunch of dancing

[1:34:47] because that's what he loves to do

[1:34:49] and he's good at it.

[1:34:50] The main problem with the movie is

[1:34:53] it's one of these movies about a charming

[1:34:55] hitman and as elliot yeah elliot is against that and i'm not a fan again if there had never been

[1:35:03] a movie about a charming hitman or a hitman with real problems i'd be like oh that's an interesting

[1:35:08] twist but there's been so many of them what about is it tommy flanagan what's the name of hitman

[1:35:13] from dc's comics uh that sounds about right yeah what about him do you like that guy uh i mean the

[1:35:19] thing about him is that his character is treated as someone who is morally compromised in a way

[1:35:26] that you haven't seen in like a superhero comic necessarily so because it's a different medium

[1:35:30] what about taskmaster is he a hitman taskmaster is a trainer of other mercenaries and sometimes

[1:35:38] mercenary himself but he's but he's also a skeleton no he just wears a mask okay his original roots

[1:35:44] where he's the guy who trains thugs.

[1:35:46] And he wears like buccaneer boots.

[1:35:48] He doesn't anymore again, but I like the old

[1:35:50] fashioned one. Cape, buccaneer boots, skull

[1:35:52] mask, and he's got like a bone arrow

[1:35:54] and a sword and everything. And a

[1:35:56] shield. Yeah. But

[1:35:58] when Hitman the

[1:36:00] comic came out, we were

[1:36:02] not quite so overwhelmed with Hitman

[1:36:04] stuff. We were on our way.

[1:36:06] We weren't quite there.

[1:36:08] Let me just say though that

[1:36:10] if you remove the Hitman stuff

[1:36:12] from the equation, which you can't because it's a

[1:36:14] major part of the movie but it's the plot if this was just a movie about um a scatterbrained woman

[1:36:22] uh falling in love with a really weird dude uh it would be a lot of fun uh because those two

[1:36:29] as i said are charming as hell and they do a really good job uh being charming together

[1:36:36] and uh but the hitman plot does allow tim roth to have a role in the movie and he's always fun to

[1:36:43] oh united passion so uh it's a it's a movie that didn't get very good reviews and i understand why

[1:36:50] but it's it's got its own like offbeat charm that i responded to all right mine is also

[1:36:56] kind of qualified recommendation in fact i'd almost like to make an assignment out of it for

[1:37:00] our more intrepid listeners there is no deadline for this and maybe there's a prize someday but

[1:37:06] take your time with it i'd like to recommend a movie that the first hour or so of it first

[1:37:11] half of it roughly maybe 45 minutes i was like this movie is great why have i never watched it

[1:37:17] before and then the second half i was like this movie doesn't know what the fuck it's doing and

[1:37:21] that movie is the life and times of judge roy bean starring paul newman directed by john houston

[1:37:26] written by john millius and the conan the barbarian the barbarian fame and the first like

[1:37:32] i'm saying first half of the movie is great and like both like funny but also troubling and there's

[1:37:40] an action scene where paul newman as judge roy bean he's been attacked and left for dead by some

[1:37:45] people he goes to their like hideout shack in the middle of this you know village in that in the

[1:37:51] middle of nowhere and murders all of them but he's like running through the shack then running around

[1:37:57] it jumping in through another window running back and the way it's shot is so immediate and so

[1:38:01] visceral it's something that it's really exciting to see john houston who's a director from the

[1:38:06] golden age you know who's not who didn't grow up with that kind of thing doing more like handheld

[1:38:11] movement and things like that it's really exciting and there's anthony perkins has a really fun role

[1:38:16] for a couple scenes in it and it's i can pinpoint the moment the movie goes bad and it's the moment

[1:38:22] when john houston shows up as grisly adams and gives a lovable drunk bear to judge roy bean as

[1:38:28] as a pet and judge roy bean decides he's gonna fall in love and it becomes not interesting and

[1:38:34] then from that point on it's jumping around into the future and stuff like like the movie kind of

[1:38:39] doesn't know what to do after a certain point and so my assignment to you the listener if you want

[1:38:44] to take it up if you don't that's fine too watch the life and times of judge roy bean stop it at

[1:38:48] the moment grizzly adams shows up with his cart with a bear at it or watch the rest of the movie

[1:38:53] but i would say stop at that point and then just say like that was a good very short movie or

[1:38:57] tell me what should have happened from that point on in the film to make it a more satisfying film

[1:39:02] because I honestly don't know.

[1:39:04] I've been trying to figure it out

[1:39:05] and I can't figure it out.

[1:39:06] So send in your answers to the Flophouse

[1:39:09] whenever you want.

[1:39:09] And send in the clowns.

[1:39:11] And send in the clowns.

[1:39:12] Those laughy daffy clowns.

[1:39:14] Send in those soulful and doleful

[1:39:19] schmaltz by the bowlful clowns.

[1:39:23] That's the Simpsons version of it.

[1:39:24] And because it's October,

[1:39:27] I've been talking about how much I want

[1:39:30] Wish Victor Frankenstein was directed by Stuart Gordon.

[1:39:32] Why not just go watch the next best thing, and that's Re-Animator.

[1:39:36] I'm sure you've seen it.

[1:39:38] Watch it again.

[1:39:38] It's great.

[1:39:39] This movie hits all of the story beats of Re-Animator in a less good way.

[1:39:44] Yeah.

[1:39:45] And so Life and Time of Judge Roy Bean if you want to challenge.

[1:39:48] But Re-Animator, if you just want to sit there and watch a really great, fun, gross horror movie that has one of the best jump cuts in film history.

[1:39:56] It's right up there, I think, with the ape man throwing a bone in the air and it turns into a space station in 2001, which is when What's-His-Name is with his girlfriend teasing her and she's going, no, no, no.

[1:40:07] And then it cuts to them having sex and she goes, yes, yes, yes.

[1:40:10] It's such a ridiculous cut.

[1:40:12] So it's right up there with the smash cut that ends, they live.

[1:40:18] What's the matter, baby?

[1:40:21] Cut to credits.

[1:40:23] And I feel like Re-Animator has one of the best horror movie performances from, like, I guess a villain with Jeffrey Combs is Herbert West.

[1:40:33] Like, it's a star-making turn.

[1:40:36] And very much, he's playing what James McAvoy should have been in this movie, which is a character who is kind of the villain, but also kind of the main, the protagonist driver of the plot.

[1:40:48] In that it's Herbert West's story, even if he's a crazy person who goes off the rails and does bad things, you know.

[1:40:54] Yeah, he's a crazy person who has, like, you have to dial back the charm a little bit.

[1:41:01] I don't know.

[1:41:03] There's something, because it's not like you are like, oh, I want to spend time with Herbert West.

[1:41:07] No, well, he's so complete in himself.

[1:41:09] He's a character who doesn't care if the audience likes him.

[1:41:13] Yeah.

[1:41:13] And I really like that a lot.

[1:41:15] like he's the contempt he feels towards everyone else in the movie he also feels towards the

[1:41:20] audience yeah that's fair anyway yeah go see reanimator it's halloween times spooky

[1:41:26] richane rattle spooky scary boogans clear wolf bar mitzvah um so yeah this is the first this

[1:41:33] has been the first shocktober episode there's two others to come in this shocktober season

[1:41:38] it's one of those rare three episode shocktobers it only happens once every all the twists and

[1:41:43] turns.

[1:41:43] Ups and downs. Who knows how many more scenes

[1:41:46] from Far Touring It 2 Stuart will see

[1:41:49] as Shocktober wends

[1:41:51] its way across the river Styx

[1:41:53] into the afterlife.

[1:41:55] What surprise does Shocktober hold?

[1:41:57] A couple.

[1:41:58] For the fly house.

[1:42:05] Yeah.

[1:42:06] I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:42:08] And I've been Stuart Wellington, seated

[1:42:11] sultry.

[1:42:13] and I'm the dearly departed Elliot Kaelin,

[1:42:16] risen once more by the power of lightning.

[1:42:19] We should give ourselves spooky parody names

[1:42:21] like they do in the Halloween episodes of Simpsons.

[1:42:22] Yeah, next time.

[1:42:23] Next time.

[1:42:23] Surprises for next time.

[1:42:25] Bye.

[1:42:26] Bye.

[1:42:27] Hey, Dan, did you ever figure out

[1:42:37] if that was Jackie Chan in that movie?

[1:42:38] Here's the thing that I realized about that

[1:42:42] is that it's not like Jackie Chan makes more than one kind of movie.

[1:42:47] It's not like, oh, yeah, it was one of the musical romantic comedies

[1:42:52] that Jackie Chan did.

[1:42:53] That's why I got it mixed up.

[1:42:55] No, he only makes one kind of movie.

[1:42:57] Martial arts films with a greater or lesser degree of comedy.

[1:43:01] He doesn't make locked room thrillers.

[1:43:03] It was not like a science fiction epic about a world

[1:43:09] where dinosaurs have supplanted people.

[1:43:11] Like he doesn't make those movies

[1:43:12] He called Planet Chan

[1:43:15] Janet

[1:43:17] Jackie Rassic Park

[1:43:18] So first we do the intro

[1:43:21] And then we do the show

[1:43:22] That's how it works

[1:43:23] Sounds easy to me

[1:43:24] Let's fuck it up

[1:43:25] Maximumfun.org

[1:43:29] Comedy and culture

[1:43:30] Artist owned

[1:43:31] Listener supported

[1:43:32] The great questions of your life

[1:43:34] The great questions of your life

[1:43:37] Should you put ketchup on a hot dog

[1:43:39] Put ketchup on a hot dog

[1:43:40] Toilet paper, over or under.

[1:43:43] Toilet paper.

[1:43:43] Star Wars or Star Trek.

[1:43:46] Star Wars or Star Trek.

[1:43:47] Fear not, my friends.

[1:43:48] Fear not, my friends.

[1:43:49] Mark and Hal always reach the definitive answer.

[1:43:52] Simply listen to We Got This with Mark and Hal

[1:43:54] every Tuesday at 9 p.m. Pacific on Maximum Fun.

[1:43:57] We got this.

[1:43:58] Your better self is right around the corner.

[1:44:01] Namaste.

Ep.# 214 - Victor Frankenstein

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