Ep. #215 - The Lazarus Effect

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss the Lazarus Effect.

Elliott Kalan

[0:04] Spoiler alert, the Lazarus Effect is mainly putting us to sleep.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[0:40] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:41] Ugh, I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:44] And having just brought Stuart back from the dead, apparently, I'm Dr. Elliot Kalin.

Hallie Haglund

[0:51] And I'm Hallie Haglund.

Elliott Kalan

[0:53] What?

[0:53] Y'all.

[0:54] I like that a cowgirl just walked in.

[0:56] Hey y'all.

Hallie Haglund

[0:57] Are we ready to have some fun?

[0:59] Great.

[1:00] I'll get you some pecan pie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03] Classic cowgirl treat.

Hallie Haglund

[1:04] Pecan pie.

[1:06] Why are you serving us?

[1:07] I came from the South, but now I live in the West.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12] Okay, her character work checks out.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15] This is a very elaborate backstory.

Dan McCoy

[1:18] As has become a Flophouse tradition, we're joined for this Shocktober episode by Hallie Haglund.

[1:25] And I think that all of our audience.

[1:26] Star of the show.

[1:27] Our entire audience right now is wondering one burning question, which is, have you seen a ghost?

Elliott Kalan

[1:33] Yeah, this is every Halloween we gotta check in.

Hallie Haglund

[1:36] Well, I work with you every day, Dan, so...

[1:39] Oh!

[1:41] Ow!

Elliott Kalan

[1:43] I don't even know what that means.

[1:45] I don't even know what that means.

[1:45] You got burnt.

[1:46] I'd say you got burnt, but your ghost, so Mark, it affects you.

Hallie Haglund

[1:50] Damn.

[1:53] Not officially.

[1:54] Stay down, Dan.

[1:55] No, no.

[1:55] Stay down.

[1:55] I haven't.

[1:56] But I have really appreciated all the Twitter messages.

[2:00] People have been thinking of me this Halloween season.

Stuart Wellington

[2:04] Over there, is that Bradley Cooper, star of the movie, Dan Got Burnt?

[2:10] What?

[2:11] That was a stretch.

[2:11] I got there eventually, okay?

[2:13] Oh, you guys.

[2:13] I'm sorry.

[2:14] Did you guys ever watch Burnt?

Hallie Haglund

[2:15] We didn't even get to the park.

[2:17] Oh, good, because that was, like, such a good movie.

[2:21] Yeah.

[2:21] Serious.

[2:22] Remember when he walks into the room and he tastes her sauce and he's like,

[2:26] this is what you're missing.

[2:27] Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[2:29] And everyone was like, I'm in love with him.

[2:32] Wait.

Stuart Wellington

[2:33] I like the part where he kind of flirted with her daughter.

Hallie Haglund

[2:36] Oh, I like the part where she was like, I brought my daughter here because it's her birthday.

[2:42] And then he's like, the thing she would really want to spend her birthday doing is hanging out with me, an asshole.

Stuart Wellington

[2:50] So, Dan, do we watch Burnt?

[2:52] Oh, no.

[2:53] Normally on this podcast we watch the movie Burnt and talk about it.

Elliott Kalan

[2:56] It's our Burnt house.

[2:58] The Burnt house.

[2:59] We've seen Burnt 50 times now, and let me tell you.

Hallie Haglund

[3:02] Oh, but you haven't watched it for this show?

[3:03] No, we did watch it for this show.

[3:04] Oh, okay.

Elliott Kalan

[3:05] No, we just watched it 50 times for fun.

[3:08] Yeah, just to see if we could.

[3:09] We were being interrogated by the police.

[3:11] They're trying to break our wills.

[3:13] Oh, okay.

[3:14] I've got a movie to show you guys.

[3:16] Oh, I just hope it's not Burnt.

[3:17] That's what they do in Guantanamo.

[3:18] Good news, it's Burnt.

Dan McCoy

[3:20] Oh, man.

[3:21] We'll just keep playing Burnt over and over again.

[3:22] Yeah.

[3:23] No, we watched.

Hallie Haglund

[3:24] Now, that's what I call a filmist fire.

Elliott Kalan

[3:27] A what?

[3:28] A what?

[3:29] What?

Hallie Haglund

[3:30] It's films, and it's a fire, and it's burnt.

[3:34] A filmist?

[3:35] A filmist fire.

[3:38] Uh-huh.

[3:39] All right.

[3:39] Let's edit this out.

[3:40] I get it as little now as I did before.

[3:43] All right.

[3:43] No, wait.

Stuart Wellington

[3:43] It's like forest fire, I think.

Hallie Haglund

[3:46] Exactly.

Stuart Wellington

[3:47] But instead of a bunch of trees, it's a bunch of, I guess, rolls of film that catch on fire.

Elliott Kalan

[3:52] I see.

[3:53] My mistake was in assuming that the words sounded the same in your play on words.

[3:57] It's close enough.

[3:58] In fact, you were choosing two words that don't sound the same.

[4:01] Filmist in forest?

[4:02] Well, one filmist is not a word.

[4:05] It's not even a word for someone who makes films.

[4:07] That would be filmmaker.

[4:09] All right.

[4:10] Not even someone who watches films.

[4:11] That would be a cineast.

[4:12] Mm-hmm.

Hallie Haglund

[4:14] I mean, let's move on.

Dan McCoy

[4:17] Guy's a real cine asshole.

[4:18] Am I right?

[4:20] Now that's a play on words, Hallie.

Hallie Haglund

[4:22] Boo.

[4:23] Boo.

[4:24] How's the cold sting of rejection?

Elliott Kalan

[4:26] I thought Dan was supposed to say boo because he's a ghost.

[4:29] High five, Hallie.

[4:30] Oh.

[4:31] I still don't understand how that's an insult.

Hallie Haglund

[4:33] Anyway, let's move on.

[4:34] I still don't understand how that's an insult.

Elliott Kalan

[4:36] What?

[4:36] You think it's good to be a ghost?

[4:38] Yeah, yeah.

[4:38] You sloughed off your moral hole.

[4:39] Because you're dead inside.

Hallie Haglund

[4:41] The implication is you're dead inside.

[4:42] Oh, okay.

Stuart Wellington

[4:44] Yeah, how often do you run into a fucking ghost and you're like super happy?

Dan McCoy

[4:48] And you're like, hey, ghost, how you doing?

[4:50] Oh, great.

[4:50] Come on.

[4:50] That's not true.

[4:53] Let's go to more fact checkers.

[4:54] If anything, I feel far too deeply and I'm always sad.

[4:59] How about that?

Elliott Kalan

[5:01] Yeah, Dan, your heart's an open wound.

[5:03] We get it.

[5:03] Let's move on.

[5:04] So what do we do on this podcast other than banter?

[5:08] Bruce Banter or the Incredible Hulk.

Dan McCoy

[5:10] Mostly we do that.

[5:11] The Incredible Hulk.

[5:13] This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie.

[5:15] It's like a film is fired at me.

[5:16] And then we talk about it.

Elliott Kalan

[5:18] So, Dan, do we watch?

[5:19] And it's Shocktober, which means we watch horror movies.

Dan McCoy

[5:21] It's the ghouliest time of the year.

[5:23] But we didn't watch ghoulies.

[5:24] With the ghosts and the goblins and the goblins and the goblins.

Elliott Kalan

[5:27] So you're now someone on Halloween, Bill Cosby?

[5:30] Yeah.

[5:31] The goblins and the goblins and the ghosts and the ghoulies.

[5:35] Weirdly enough, less scary than normal Bill Cosby.

[5:38] That's a good point.

[5:39] Bill Ghostby is much less scary.

[5:41] Star of Ghost Dad for real.

[5:43] Yeah, seriously.

[5:44] So was he really a ghost in that?

[5:46] I don't know.

[5:47] He was really a dad.

Stuart Wellington

[5:49] So he's 50% accurate.

Elliott Kalan

[5:52] It's just a movie about an absentee father.

[5:54] Yeah.

[5:55] I never knew my dad.

[5:57] He was like a ghost.

[5:58] Ghost Dad.

[5:59] But alive.

Dan McCoy

[6:01] Sad.

[6:02] Sad dad.

[6:03] As is most of the things about Bill Cosby.

[6:05] Anyway.

[6:06] Go on.

[6:07] Yeah, Bill Cosby.

[6:08] Go on.

Elliott Kalan

[6:09] So, Dan, what movie did we watch seeing as it's the scariest time of the year?

[6:14] Shocked.

Stuart Wellington

[6:14] They can just check their podcast players to find out that information.

[6:17] Or you can tell them.

Dan McCoy

[6:19] We watched The Lazarus Effect, which we also mentioned at the beginning of this podcast.

[6:23] So this is the third time most people are getting that information.

[6:27] Spooky.

[6:28] Back from the dead.

Stuart Wellington

[6:29] The Lazarus Effect.

[6:31] Now, this movie was directed.

Dan McCoy

[6:32] It's about people who go to the store Lazarus.

[6:35] What store is that?

[6:37] There's a store Lazarus.

[6:38] What store?

[6:39] What kind of store is that, Dan?

[6:40] What do they sell there?

[6:42] My grandfather worked at it.

[6:43] It was a clothing store.

[6:46] Was he like a folder?

Elliott Kalan

[6:48] Did he fold the clothes?

[6:49] Was he like a hanger organizer?

Dan McCoy

[6:51] Every year we got clothes from that.

[6:55] That was our Christmas present.

[6:56] So what kind of clothes?

Stuart Wellington

[6:57] Was it just all underpants?

[6:58] Were they like burial shrouds?

Dan McCoy

[7:01] No.

[7:02] It was like we'd get sweaters and shit.

Elliott Kalan

[7:04] From Lazarus?

[7:05] Yeah, Dan, what I liked is that you delivered that as if Lazarus was a famous change.

[7:09] Maybe it is a chain.

[7:11] As far as I know, it exists only in, what, Illinois?

[7:15] Now I want to look it up.

[7:16] My phone is over there, so I won't.

[7:19] So the listening audience, when he said over there, I didn't know what he meant either.

[7:23] He didn't point or anything.

Dan McCoy

[7:24] It was across the room.

Elliott Kalan

[7:26] Yeah, look it up.

[7:27] Lazarus store.

[7:28] The Lazarus Effect is directed by David Gelb, who also directed Hero Dreams of Sushi.

Hallie Haglund

[7:34] And there was sushi in this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[7:37] A tip of the hat.

[7:39] What?

[7:40] He likes to have a reference to his previous film and all of his movies.

[7:43] You gotta hang a lampshade on it, right guys?

[7:46] Now, unlike that movie, which is a documentary about an obsessive sushi chef, this is a horror movie about Flatliners, the movie, being redone essentially as a new movie.

Hallie Haglund

[7:58] Was it like an open, like, were they acknowledging that we're redoing this?

[8:05] No, I don't think so.

Elliott Kalan

[8:06] I don't think it's, I don't think that anyone went out of their way to make a connection with Flatliners.

Stuart Wellington

[8:11] Although Flatliners is a little different.

[8:12] Yeah, the movie poster didn't say, it's like Flatliners, guys.

Dan McCoy

[8:17] Remember Flatliners?

[8:19] This is that.

[8:20] Finally, Flatliners from my generation.

[8:23] This isn't your daddy's Flatliners.

[8:26] Because it's now.

Stuart Wellington

[8:27] Yeah, because your daddy's Flatliners is called Flatliners.

[8:30] Because your daddy was Kiefer Sutherland.

Hallie Haglund

[8:32] Lazarus merged with Macy's.

Stuart Wellington

[8:34] Oh, okay.

Hallie Haglund

[8:35] But it used to be a department store in the Midwest.

[8:37] It went defunct in 2005.

[8:41] 1851 to 2005.

[8:42] It's a solid round.

Elliott Kalan

[8:43] Maybe someday it will rise from the dead.

[8:46] Some kind of Lazarus effect.

[8:48] Maybe they'll inject it with a bunch of milky formula.

Dan McCoy

[8:50] I mean, it's only now that I realize how weird that was as a name for a clothing store.

[8:55] I just accepted it as a child.

Elliott Kalan

[8:57] Here's my guess, and this may be crazy.

[8:59] The guy who founded it, his last name was probably Lazarus.

[9:02] Oh, okay.

[9:02] And therein lies a tale.

[9:05] You see, he had a name.

[9:08] Let's call him John Lazarus.

[9:09] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[9:10] And he had a dream.

[9:11] A store where young comedians' grandfathers could work.

[9:15] Holding clothes and getting sweaters to give to their grandchildren for Christmas.

[9:19] And he made that dream possible with a store he called Grandfather Clothes.

[9:26] Unfortunately, that closed.

[9:27] People did not want to go to a store only staffed by grandfathers,

[9:31] especially because it sold clothes for grandfathers.

[9:34] I don't want to give this to my kid for Christmas.

[9:36] It's for a grandfather.

[9:37] And my son, my kid's not a grandma.

[9:39] This is an oversized cardigan.

Hallie Haglund

[9:40] And the service was so slow.

Elliott Kalan

[9:43] It was very slow.

[9:44] And so he created Lazarus, a chain store in which grandfathers could work

[9:49] or they'd have regular age people working.

[9:52] Either way could work.

Hallie Haglund

[9:53] You know what they should have called it?

[9:55] What's that, Hallie?

[9:56] The snazzerous store.

Stuart Wellington

[9:59] It was snazzy?

[10:00] Yeah.

[10:01] And it was a store.

[10:01] After the popular dinosaur, snazzerous.

Hallie Haglund

[10:05] The best dressed dinosaur.

Elliott Kalan

[10:07] So the Lazarus Effect is a movie that we watched.

[10:10] Should we talk about, it's got a big star-studded cast.

[10:12] There's Olivia Wilde, Mark Duplass, Donald Glover,

[10:16] Quicksilver from the X-Men movies.

[10:18] Ray Wise.

[10:19] Ray Wise.

[10:19] Playing a good guy.

[10:20] Nope.

[10:21] In one scene.

[10:22] Ray Wise play a character you're sure is going to come back later.

[10:25] He does not.

Dan McCoy

[10:27] Just like Charles Dance in the last movie we watched.

[10:29] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[10:29] It almost was like Ray Wise had a doctor's appointment in the building

[10:33] where they were shooting the movie.

[10:35] And they're like, hey, could you,

[10:36] the guy who's supposed to play this part didn't show up.

[10:38] Can you just do it?

[10:38] Sure.

[10:39] I mean, my appointment's not for another 40 minutes.

[10:41] I show up early to read the magazines.

[10:43] I'm that kind of guy.

[10:44] Anyway, let me put down this issue of golf enthusiast

[10:46] and help you out with your move-eye.

Hallie Haglund

[10:48] Yeah, Hallie?

[10:48] I feel like it's like the people involved in the movie are like,

[10:52] oh my God, I love Twin Peaks so much.

[10:54] Oh my God, that would be so awesome if we could get him.

[10:56] And they're like, all we have is this one part.

[10:59] And they're like, well, let's just ask.

[11:01] And then he's like, yeah, I'm not doing anything.

Elliott Kalan

[11:03] He's like, you're going to pay me in money, right?

[11:06] He's like, I don't have to work

[11:07] because I'm the heir of the wise potato chip fortune.

[11:10] So I'll take whatever job.

[11:12] Is that true?

[11:12] No, I don't think so.

Hallie Haglund

[11:14] Maybe.

[11:14] Is he the heir of wisdom?

Elliott Kalan

[11:17] Yeah, that's right.

[11:18] The idea of wisdom.

[11:20] Yeah, his grandfather invented that.

[11:22] Yeah, his great grandfather.

Hallie Haglund

[11:22] Yeah, because you're not making very much money off a bat these days.

[11:26] Am I right, people?

Elliott Kalan

[11:28] Thanks.

[11:28] Politics.

[11:29] Top of me.

[11:29] High five.

Hallie Haglund

[11:29] Politics and elections.

Elliott Kalan

[11:32] I love that Hallie can just turn on that voice whenever necessary.

[11:36] It's like she suddenly aged like 20 years in front of my very eyes.

[11:39] I feel so scolded when she looked at me.

[11:44] Anywho, the Lazarus effect.

Stuart Wellington

[11:46] So Ray Wise, I'm assuming was named something like Lewis Cipher or some shit.

[11:50] Yeah, yeah.

[11:51] And they were planning on having him show up at the end or like Dennis Edville or something.

[11:56] Yeah.

[11:56] And they're like, no, but just say his first initial.

Elliott Kalan

[11:59] Stan Aiton.

[12:00] Yeah.

[12:02] Because he did play the devil on that one show, right?

[12:05] Yeah, Lucifer.

[12:06] Wait, Lucifer?

[12:07] No, the show about Wins.

Dan McCoy

[12:08] Yeah, the one with.

Elliott Kalan

[12:10] The kid, who's the kid who's from hell or something.

[12:12] The kid of the devil.

Dan McCoy

[12:13] Yeah.

[12:13] Had that guy on it who's like a low rent, like Jack Black kind of guy.

[12:18] Yeah, yeah.

[12:18] Jack off Black.

[12:19] Mm-hmm.

[12:20] Woof.

Hallie Haglund

[12:21] Wow.

[12:22] Jack Black is a huge fan of this show.

Dan McCoy

[12:24] Probably.

Elliott Kalan

[12:25] Yeah.

[12:26] I know what you're talking about.

[12:27] Probably punching up some jokes.

[12:28] Yeah.

[12:28] Anyway, so let's talk about this movie.

[12:30] Pick him out the wardrobe.

[12:31] Why are you looking at me like that to him?

[12:34] Guys, at some point we're going to have to stop beating around the bush and talk about

[12:37] this by the numbers boring movie that we watched.

Stuart Wellington

[12:39] So the movie begins found footage style.

[12:41] And at that point you're like, this is going to be good.

[12:44] I love found footage.

[12:45] Because you're like, this whole thing's going to be found footage.

[12:46] And it's a close up on the face of a dead pig.

[12:49] And we're like, uh-oh.

[12:50] So the movie's really welcoming you into its heart.

[12:53] And then you hear a bunch of people jibber jabbering about some kind of monster magic

[12:58] they're casting.

[12:59] They're talking about how many-

[13:02] It's a science experiment.

[13:03] How much ambergris they're squirting all over it.

[13:05] That's right.

[13:06] How's the amygdala doing?

[13:08] All that garbage.

[13:09] And then all of a sudden they hit it with some juice and they're like, our magic spell

[13:12] didn't work.

[13:13] And then the pig starts going crazy for a second and then it stops.

Elliott Kalan

[13:17] He goes hog wild and then stops.

[13:19] Title comes up.

[13:19] The Lazarus effect.

[13:21] And we see the graphics.

[13:22] The whole credit sequence.

[13:23] And then we start up.

Stuart Wellington

[13:24] And the credit sequence looks like the credit sequence of a very upscale HBO TV show.

[13:29] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[13:30] It does.

Hallie Haglund

[13:31] The problem is they blew the budget on the credit sequence.

Elliott Kalan

[13:33] It doesn't look that different from the Hannibal credit sequence, to be honest.

Stuart Wellington

[13:37] Mm-hmm.

[13:37] Except one of them is making me very excited about this weird program I'm about to watch.

[13:41] Yeah.

[13:42] The other is just, like, stalling for time.

[13:47] I'm going to watch something that's going to make me sad.

Hallie Haglund

[13:49] Well, that just shows that maybe you should have checked your preconceived notions at the

[13:52] door.

[13:53] Oh.

[13:53] Because you were already going into this with a bad attitude.

Elliott Kalan

[13:57] Sorry, Haley.

[13:58] Revealed.

Stuart Wellington

[13:58] No, but Stuart, he's a rude dude and he's full of bad attitude.

[14:03] Guys, I don't feel very well.

[14:04] I think I'm coming down with something.

Elliott Kalan

[14:06] Don't juice me up full of white stuff, please.

[14:09] Uh-oh, no.

[14:10] So, Olivia Wilde and Mark Duplass are engaged scientists.

[14:15] They've been so busy with this project, they haven't gotten married yet.

[14:18] And they are trying to bring things back to life using some kind of white serum.

[14:22] In the bedroom.

[14:26] And Mark Duplass is having no problem getting excited there, but Olivia Wilde, for some reason,

[14:30] is just, like, not feeling it.

Hallie Haglund

[14:32] Wow, that was not actually what we saw in the movie, remember?

[14:36] No, if anything, it's the other way around.

[14:37] She's like, come to bed.

Elliott Kalan

[14:38] And he's like, sorry, I'm looking at this dog we brought back to life.

[14:41] Sorry, I'm mumbling somewhere.

[14:43] I'm busy coring my mumble.

[14:46] So, they are scientists who have a serum that they think can bring back the dead.

[14:51] Or at least, it started as a project to repair brain cells in coma patients.

[14:55] But now they've got some sort of dead rising back thing.

[14:57] Donald Glover works for them, and so does Quicksilver from the X-Men movies.

[15:00] And a young lady is the documentarian who's going to shoot DV cam video of the whole thing

[15:05] so that I get for their DVD extras that they, on the DVD, the hand of people they bring back from the dead.

Stuart Wellington

[15:10] And the thing is, she's like the match tossed into this powder keg.

[15:14] Because as soon as she arrives, shit starts hitting the fan.

[15:17] Sort of.

[15:19] Yeah, kind of.

Hallie Haglund

[15:20] The thing I don't get is if they were, like, doing something that was against what they were supposed to be doing,

[15:25] why did they hire someone to be their documentarian?

[15:29] Hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[15:30] Well, you raise an interesting question.

[15:33] Who hired her?

[15:34] Did they hire her?

[15:35] Or did she just show up and they're like,

[15:37] okay, I guess we've got to let you do it?

Elliott Kalan

[15:38] What, like a Harriet the Spy type?

Stuart Wellington

[15:42] Is that what Harriet the Spy does?

[15:43] She just shows up and, like, puts a fucking bandana on, shows her Mentos,

[15:47] and people are like, okay, I guess she's a documentarian.

Elliott Kalan

[15:50] She's a Mentos.

[15:51] That's what she does.

[15:53] She sings a song.

[15:54] That's every spy.

[15:55] That's how they get into situations.

[15:57] Oh, my gosh.

[15:57] James Bond's like, oh, I've got to sneak in.

[15:59] Mentos.

Hallie Haglund

[16:00] Wait, you guys.

[16:00] That girl who played the documentarian was one of the two little sisters in America.

Stuart Wellington

[16:06] Oh, my God.

[16:07] Okay.

[16:08] Yeah.

[16:08] So her career's moving up.

[16:10] I feel really well in that.

Hallie Haglund

[16:10] Oh, I loved that movie.

[16:12] That was such a good movie.

[16:13] No, it was great.

[16:14] Yeah.

[16:15] Okay, well, she's grown up.

[16:16] She's all grown up, honey.

Dan McCoy

[16:17] That was the first, when I came to New York, that was the first, like, screaming I ever went to.

[16:24] Like, a free screening?

[16:26] Like, you know.

Elliott Kalan

[16:27] Yeah, no, I get it.

[16:29] Mine was Sleepy Hollow.

[16:31] Really?

Stuart Wellington

[16:31] Yeah.

[16:31] My first screening was when I was a kid.

[16:34] My older cousin managed a movie theater, and I saw an early screening of PCU.

[16:39] Yeah, baby.

Dan McCoy

[16:40] That's what college was all going to be about.

[16:42] It really stuck into politically correct culture, that movie.

[16:44] Yeah, finally.

[16:46] Anywho.

[16:46] Just like Donald Trump is sticking into politically correct culture right now.

[16:50] Everyone go out there and vote Trump this November.

[16:53] Whoa.

Elliott Kalan

[16:53] I'm more irritated not because it's a political message I disagree with, but because when people

[16:58] listen to this episode in four weeks, it's going to be outdated.

[17:03] It's not even like it's going to be out of date in a couple years.

[17:07] In, like, a month it's going to be out of date.

Dan McCoy

[17:09] Look, I just want to make America great again, Elliot, and you're standing in my way, and

[17:13] you're standing in America's way.

Hallie Haglund

[17:16] This is going to be an artifact.

[17:17] Yeah.

[17:18] They're going to put this in a museum.

Dan McCoy

[17:19] They're going to put it on a gold record and shoot it into space.

Elliott Kalan

[17:22] Yeah, to get it out of here.

[17:24] Shoot it into the sun.

[17:26] Anyway, so they bring a dog back to life.

[17:28] They name the dog Rocky, and the dog just becomes that lab mascot.

[17:32] They just let that dog hang out, which is crazy, man.

[17:34] That dog came from the other side.

[17:36] Now, this dog now has a bad attitude, and it's implied...

[17:39] Like Spuds McKenzie.

[17:40] No, Spuds McKenzie had a great attitude.

[17:43] He was the original party animal.

[17:45] Yeah.

[17:45] He wore a Hawaiian shirt.

[17:46] We all live in his shadow.

[17:47] Sunglasses, he surfed, and he eventually died of cirrhosis.

[17:51] Because a dog liver cannot handle a lot of beer.

[17:53] Turner and Hooch lied to us.

[17:55] Mm-hmm.

[17:56] So, getting back to this dog, though.

Stuart Wellington

[17:58] Wait, didn't Hooch die in that movie?

[18:01] Yeah, he got shot at the end.

[18:02] Yeah, but I mean...

[18:03] It was not natural causes.

[18:04] But I bet, like, a week later, he would have died from all that booze in his system.

[18:07] Yeah, his name is Hooch.

[18:09] I mean, come on.

[18:10] Yeah, yeah, come on, Elliot.

Hallie Haglund

[18:12] Remember that song?

[18:13] What did I do?

Stuart Wellington

[18:13] I didn't make Turner and Hooch.

[18:15] Wait, remember what song?

Hallie Haglund

[18:16] That they wrote about him?

Elliott Kalan

[18:17] Yeah.

[18:18] It's Hooch.

[18:19] No.

[18:19] It's Hooch.

[18:20] No.

[18:20] Everybody Turner and Hooch.

[18:22] No.

[18:22] He is...

[18:23] It was like...

[18:24] It was like...

[18:24] I got...

[18:25] Turner got the dog named Hooch.

[18:26] No, they're...

[18:27] Everybody Hooch.

[18:30] Yeah, that was it?

Hallie Haglund

[18:31] Yeah, that was it.

[18:31] Like yesterday.

[18:32] No, I want to know what Hallie's song was.

Elliott Kalan

[18:33] What's the song?

[18:34] What was it?

Hallie Haglund

[18:35] The song that was like, I got the Hooch, baby.

[18:41] I got the only sweetest dog in the world.

Stuart Wellington

[18:49] What I liked was the confidence that you sang that song.

Elliott Kalan

[18:53] If you want to...

[18:54] Here's the deal, Hallie.

[18:55] If you want to...

Hallie Haglund

[18:55] It's not that I know how to sell it.

[18:58] It's just that it had been a little far removed, Elliot, because you'd offered your own...

Elliott Kalan

[19:02] Because I've been singing my Hooch parody song.

[19:04] What better time to serve up another Hooch parody song?

[19:09] So where were we?

[19:10] Like this.

[19:10] Hooch.

[19:11] Hooch-a-hooch.

[19:12] Hooch-a-hooch.

[19:13] This movie's called Turner and Hooch.

[19:16] Makes me want to Hooch.

Stuart Wellington

[19:17] So there's a scene where Olivia Wilde is...

Elliott Kalan

[19:20] How does it Hooch?

[19:24] Where have all the Hooches gone?

[19:29] That don't impress me a Hooch.

Hallie Haglund

[19:33] I'm a Hooch.

[19:34] I'm a Hooch.

Elliott Kalan

[19:36] Looks like we made Hooch.

[19:39] Look how far we've come, my Turner.

Dan McCoy

[19:44] That's why they call it the Hooch.

[19:47] He's got Hooch dreams.

Elliott Kalan

[19:51] I just wrote a theme song for a movie that doesn't have a theme song, and then I've turned it into a Hooch song.

[19:55] That movie is Hoop Dreams.

[19:58] Okay, so what was happening in the movie?

[20:00] So they brought a dog back to life, but this dog is crazy mad and crazy strong,

[20:04] and this serum, which is supposed to fade away from his body, is not fading away.

[20:08] And everyone's like, what's the deal with this dog?

[20:09] He just used his magic powers to eat our pizza.

[20:11] Then they kind of forget about the dog for a little bit.

[20:15] Their funding gets pulled by the university because what they're doing is against the laws of God and not what they were supposed to be doing.

Hallie Haglund

[20:23] And the university is funded by a lot of Catholics.

[20:26] That's what they say.

Elliott Kalan

[20:27] She says 83% of our student body identifies as religious.

[20:32] If you put donors in, that's up to 90%.

[20:34] It's like, this is not...

[20:37] It's a weird way to...

[20:37] It's a weird thing to bring up.

[20:40] And also the fact that if they really brought a dog back to life, this would be the most famous college in the world.

[20:46] And it would be huge publicity for this college.

[20:48] Oh, our lab brought the dead back to life.

[20:50] This is literally the biggest scientific breakthrough in the history.

[20:54] God allowed us to bring this dog back to life.

[20:56] If God didn't want it, he'd turn Olivia Wilde into some kind of weird demon lady that kills all of us.

[21:01] Uh-oh.

[21:03] At the same time, however...

[21:05] Check, please?

[21:06] They lose control of the project because the company that gave them the grant becomes purchased by another company called Cryoloss or something.

[21:14] It's got an evil-sounding name.

[21:17] And Ray Wise steps in, takes all their stuff, and then tangos his way out and does not appear for the rest of the film.

Hallie Haglund

[21:23] But also, there's supposed to be someone that's weirdly sinister within the group because the woman who cuts them off from the grant is like, I saw...

[21:34] Like, we know that you were testing on animals.

[21:36] An anonymous fucker call or something.

[21:36] He's like, how could you know that?

[21:38] But it's never clarified.

Stuart Wellington

[21:39] Yeah.

[21:40] He's suggesting that somebody's been informing on them, and the woman who...

[21:45] What, the head of the university is like, uh, nuh-uh.

[21:48] But she doesn't seem very sure of herself.

Hallie Haglund

[21:51] But none of the core group ever seems to be guilty.

[21:54] No.

Dan McCoy

[21:55] Yeah, unless we weren't paying attention, which is really possible.

Hallie Haglund

[21:58] Not possible for me.

[21:59] Totally absorbed.

[22:00] No, let's set up the character.

Dan McCoy

[22:02] It was never definitively resolved.

[22:07] There was a scene later on where they're like, someone's been watching us through the computer, but they don't know who it was.

[22:12] I think it was never supposed to be that important a thing.

Elliott Kalan

[22:15] I guess Ray Wise.

[22:16] Yeah.

[22:16] With the eye on the wise potato chips.

[22:19] Yeah.

[22:19] Because he's like an owl.

Stuart Wellington

[22:20] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[22:21] No, I think Hallie's right.

[22:22] It's supposed to be like a mirror.

[22:25] It's like funny games where you're supposed to feel shitty for watching this movie.

[22:28] Oh, we're like sucker punch.

Elliott Kalan

[22:29] Okay.

[22:30] So let's set up these characters a little bit.

[22:32] So Mark Duplass and Olivia Wilde, there's trouble in paradise.

[22:35] She is very religious.

[22:37] He's an atheist.

[22:38] She thinks-

Hallie Haglund

[22:38] Not very religious.

[22:39] She's just more religious than an atheist.

Elliott Kalan

[22:42] Well, but she believes in heaven and wears a cross around her neck.

[22:45] And in movie shorthand, that means religious.

Stuart Wellington

[22:46] She doesn't like read Bible passages in like a crazy voice and use it as a means to assassinate people.

Elliott Kalan

[22:52] No, that's a good point.

[22:53] That's true.

[22:54] So, okay.

[22:55] She is regular level religious.

[22:57] Mark Duplass is an atheist.

[22:58] So they've got a little bit of tension.

[23:00] Donald Glover has a crush on Olivia Wilde, which is-

[23:03] Not a huge surprise.

[23:04] That makes sense.

[23:05] I'm surprised any of the guys there don't have a crush on her, but inappropriate because

[23:09] that's his immediate superior, you know?

[23:11] No, but they like grew up together, right?

[23:14] How did they possibly grow up together?

Hallie Haglund

[23:15] Remember when she was like, when we were 22, you used to always say this to me.

Stuart Wellington

[23:19] There's supposed to be 23 in the movie.

[23:21] Really?

Hallie Haglund

[23:22] No, I don't know.

[23:23] Oh, it seemed like they were supposed to have known each other a long time.

Elliott Kalan

[23:26] I think they were supposed to have known each other for a while.

[23:29] That's how she knew what sushi she liked.

[23:31] Donald Glover makes a pretty fumbly kind of pass, kind of implying that she should leave

[23:37] her fiancé.

[23:38] And then from that point on, he is like, I screwed up.

[23:42] I got to backtrack.

[23:43] I can't do this again.

[23:44] And the whole idea of him having a crush on her kind of doesn't really factor in after

[23:50] that.

[23:51] Doesn't matter.

[23:52] They get their funding cut.

[23:54] Ray Wise comes in and steals their junk.

[23:56] And they're like, hey.

[23:57] Steals their junk.

[23:58] Oh, my God.

[23:59] He's just chopping off.

[24:01] That explains why there's trouble in paradise between Duplass and the other.

[24:05] He's one of those Nigerian penis wizards who steals people's penises with magic.

[24:10] I should not joke about it.

[24:12] People get killed because they're accused of wizardry in certain countries.

[24:16] That country?

[24:16] The United States of America.

[24:18] The year was 16-something or other.

Dan McCoy

[24:20] Ever fall from one of those Nigerian penis scams?

Elliott Kalan

[24:23] Yeah.

[24:23] Well, they told me I had a million penises in a bank account waiting for me and they just

[24:26] needed my penis length.

[24:27] Yeah.

[24:27] So I sent it in.

[24:28] Next thing I know, they're using my penis.

Stuart Wellington

[24:30] What fucking bank was at Gringotts?

[24:35] The bank from Harry Potter?

Elliott Kalan

[24:37] Not familiar with that bank.

[24:39] It's staffed by gremlins, dude.

[24:41] The one Harry Potter movie I saw, it was pretty clear they were supposed to be Jewish.

[24:46] It was a little offensive.

[24:48] Just like, what's his name?

[24:50] Star Wars?

[24:50] Watto?

[24:51] Watto?

Stuart Wellington

[24:53] Yeah.

[24:53] Why?

[24:53] Because all Jewish people can fly because of small wings and gas flatters?

[24:57] Yeah, pretty much.

Elliott Kalan

[24:58] Yeah.

[24:59] And also.

[25:00] Chestnut.

[25:00] And he's wearing like a weird little cap.

[25:02] It's a big stereotype that Jews bet on pod races.

[25:05] Yeah.

[25:06] They bet the freedom of their slaves on the outcome of pod races.

[25:08] And the Jedi mind tricks don't work on them.

[25:11] Yeah.

[25:12] Now, here's the thing.

[25:15] They decide to sneak into the lab.

[25:17] They still got some of the serum.

[25:18] They're going to videotape themselves bringing another animal back to life so that they can

[25:23] get the credit and the proof.

[25:24] And I guess upload it to YouTube or something.

[25:26] Or like eBombsworld.

[25:28] Wherever you put videos these days.

[25:30] Unfortunately, something goes wrong.

[25:32] They sneak in.

[25:33] It's totally fine.

[25:34] They blank out the security cameras and I guess play a music video like in toys so that

[25:38] the security guys think they're watching MTV.

[25:41] I don't know why their TV would get MTV at the security desk.

[25:44] But they needed a musical number in toys.

[25:46] I'm not.

[25:46] Am I going to question Barry Levinson?

[25:48] No, it wasn't Barry Levinson.

[25:49] It was.

[25:49] It was Barry Levinson.

[25:50] It was Barry Levinson.

[25:50] I'm not going to question Barry Levinson.

[25:52] The guy, you know.

[25:54] You just did.

[25:55] He cut his teeth as a cinematographer.

[25:57] And then I'm thinking of Barry Sonnenfeld.

Dan McCoy

[25:59] Yeah.

[26:00] He made Diner.

[26:01] A movie that's overrated.

[26:03] Wow.

[26:04] Okay.

[26:04] He just said I wouldn't question him and Dan just decided to jump at him.

[26:07] It's all right.

Stuart Wellington

[26:09] So we get a real great caper sequence where they're sneaking into the lab and tricking

[26:14] this poor security guard who's probably just like, you know, just count down the hours

[26:18] before he can go home to his family and take care of his kids and make oatmeal and whatever.

Elliott Kalan

[26:23] Ugh, what's going to happen?

[26:24] Michael Moore is going to come in and try to bust into our university and talk to the dean

[26:27] with the camera.

[26:29] And I'm like, dude, I don't know.

[26:30] This is just my job, okay?

[26:31] I get paid minimum wage.

[26:33] Now you're bugging me?

[26:34] Oh, come on.

[26:35] You should be on my side.

[26:37] But no.

[26:37] And anyway, so they are going to bring back some animal.

[26:40] Unfortunately, Olivia Wilds.

[26:42] They do bring back an animal.

[26:44] A wild animal.

[26:46] Continue with your synopsis, Elliot.

[26:48] So, and they're going to bring back a pig, right?

[26:51] You know, it's another dog.

[26:52] And they, unfortunately, Olivia Wilds flips the switch for the electricity and gets electrocuted.

[26:58] Bum, bum, bum.

Hallie Haglund

[26:59] Because she forgets, she takes off all her jewelry, but she forgets to take off her engagement ring.

[27:06] And basically, Mark Duplass has been like holding her in this holding pattern of like, sure,

[27:09] we're going to get engaged, gives her the ring.

[27:12] And then never, they've been like engaged for like three years.

Elliott Kalan

[27:15] It's the classic guys and dolls scenario.

[27:17] Right.

[27:18] It's our 15th anniversary.

[27:19] Oh, really?

[27:20] Yeah, we've been engaged for 15 years.

Hallie Haglund

[27:22] So you see, it's poignant that she would forget to take off her engagement ring.

[27:26] Because she's forgotten.

[27:26] Which maybe he never planned to honor.

Dan McCoy

[27:29] Yeah, I don't understand why her engagement ring would conduct electricity any better than just her.

[27:34] Her hand?

[27:35] Her.

[27:36] Yeah.

[27:36] Because metal.

Stuart Wellington

[27:38] But her bare hand is touching the thing.

[27:40] It's not like her bare hand is made out of rubber.

[27:42] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[27:43] Yeah.

[27:44] Her hand, like, yeah, it would have conducted electricity too.

[27:47] Like, as long as she was grounded, it would have been the same thing.

Elliott Kalan

[27:50] Oh, she's not grounded.

[27:50] She's a Hollywood star.

[27:51] Oh, okay.

[27:53] Oh, no, let me take that back.

[27:54] And Olivia Wilde is very grounded.

[27:56] Even though she's a Hollywood star.

[27:58] Okay.

[27:58] She's just like you or me.

[27:59] Yeah, that's better.

[28:00] Yeah, that was better.

[28:00] I didn't mean to get dispersions on her.

[28:02] She seems like a sweetheart.

Hallie Haglund

[28:04] American sweetheart.

[28:05] She's not listening, Dan.

[28:06] Don't worry.

Elliott Kalan

[28:09] Dan, now you're supposed to sing.

[28:10] Now Dan is grounded.

[28:11] Now you're supposed to sing I'm Just Wilde about Olivia.

[28:17] Like Michigan, J. Frog.

[28:19] Your idol.

[28:21] Why are you pimping me?

[28:23] You always patterned yourself after.

[28:28] Why?

[28:28] What's the J stand for?

[28:30] Josiah.

[28:32] Wow.

[28:32] Yeah.

[28:33] Actually, I don't know what it stands for.

[28:34] Jesus, probably.

[28:35] Michigan Jesus.

[28:36] Yeah.

[28:36] The point is.

[28:37] It's a whole Jesus analogy.

[28:39] Because that's the mystery of faith.

[28:41] You can't prove it.

[28:42] You can't show it to anybody else.

[28:44] You just have to feel it when nobody else is around.

[28:46] And Jesus will sing, like, hello, my baby.

[28:49] Hello, my honey.

[28:50] Just to you.

[28:50] Because he's carrying you.

Hallie Haglund

[28:52] That's the WC.

Elliott Kalan

[28:57] The WC?

[28:58] The WB.

[28:59] The water closet?

[29:00] I mean, now it's the CW, so it's kind of.

[29:03] Yeah.

[29:03] That's the WB.

Dan McCoy

[29:06] No, the frog is just directing you to the bathroom.

Hallie Haglund

[29:08] That's the WC.

[29:10] No, I honestly sang that because when I was in, like, sixth grade, my friends and I.

[29:17] Wow.

[29:17] Hallie just went a couple years off.

[29:19] I was like, I'm not that old.

[29:19] Sixth grade.

[29:19] Had a joke about.

Dan McCoy

[29:21] A lemon never tells her age.

Hallie Haglund

[29:23] It was a joke that we changed that song because we were in a walking club.

[29:28] So we used to sing that song.

Elliott Kalan

[29:30] Hallie, you were a wild kid.

[29:32] Man.

[29:33] And we were like, are you ready to walk?

[29:35] Oh, that's the WC.

[29:38] Walk up your sons and farm implements.

[29:40] Hallie's on the prowl.

Hallie Haglund

[29:42] Yeah, well, I walked here, didn't I?

Stuart Wellington

[29:45] You don't even want to know how you get jumped into the walking club.

Elliott Kalan

[29:51] Olivia Wilde is dead.

[29:52] They try a lot of things to bring her back.

[29:54] Olivia Wilde is dead.

[29:55] In the movie.

[29:56] Oh, thank God.

[29:57] They try a lot of things to bring her back.

[29:58] They stab her in the heart with adrenaline.

[29:59] They use the shock paddles.

[30:01] They rip her shirt open so everyone can see her bra.

Hallie Haglund

[30:03] They stick their dicks.

[30:04] No, no, no, no.

Elliott Kalan

[30:08] This one didn't get a reaction from her.

Dan McCoy

[30:11] No.

[30:12] Oh, I didn't.

[30:13] You better try.

Elliott Kalan

[30:15] Oh, it's terrible.

[30:16] That's in the porn parody.

[30:17] The Lazarus erect.

[30:18] So there's nothing they can do.

[30:21] Somebody eventually hits on the idea.

[30:23] Oh, yeah, we have this bring people back from the dead serum.

[30:26] Let's use that on her.

[30:27] And it works.

[30:30] Bum, bum, bum.

[30:32] But it leaves her with two little wound marks on the sides of her head.

Hallie Haglund

[30:36] No, but one wound mark made sense because it was the place where they had stuck her with that needle.

[30:40] They insert the needle with the serum.

Elliott Kalan

[30:42] Yeah.

[30:42] Wait, she had multiple wounds?

[30:43] No, she only had one.

[30:45] Yeah.

[30:45] Well, it was on two different sides of her head, depending on the shot.

[30:48] Depending on the shot.

[30:49] Might have been a continuity problem.

Stuart Wellington

[30:51] Uh-huh.

[30:51] And then they put a little Band-Aid over to make sure her brains and all the juice don't leak out.

[30:55] You don't want to lose the juice.

[30:56] That's the best part.

[30:57] Keeps the brain moist.

[30:58] So she wakes up.

[30:59] Oh, you like the juice?

Elliott Kalan

[31:01] Remember that?

[31:02] The SNL sketch that never made any sense?

[31:03] Yeah.

[31:04] Yeah, sure.

[31:04] I remember that one.

Stuart Wellington

[31:06] And so she starts acting a little funky, funky.

[31:11] Dig-a-dig-a-bop.

Elliott Kalan

[31:13] She dig-a-dig-a-bops indeed.

[31:16] She finds that – so they had a big debate earlier.

[31:20] When you die, your body is flooded with chemicals by your brain.

[31:24] Does it cause you to hallucinate that you're entering the afterlife?

[31:27] Or is it easing your soul into the afterlife?

[31:30] And she believes that she has been in hell.

[31:33] You see, she's had bad dreams about a room on fire and a little girl who can do nothing about it and dolls burning up because that's a spooky thing to see, I guess.

[31:41] It basically looks like she's –

[31:43] Dude, if you saw dolls burning up, you would be fucking freaked out.

[31:45] No, that's her memory from when she was a child.

[31:48] I know.

[31:48] I'm going to call this the Are You Afraid of the Dark Theorem, which is what me and my brother and sister used to say about the show Are You Afraid of the Dark?

[31:54] We'd say, well, it's not scary to watch, but if you were in that situation, it would be very scary.

[32:00] Sure.

[32:00] If I was in this situation –

[32:01] I love this.

[32:02] This is like such a children's rationalization.

[32:03] I know.

[32:04] We're like, oh, we have to enjoy this somehow.

Hallie Haglund

[32:07] No, but it's so cute, like watching you and your siblings.

Stuart Wellington

[32:12] Yeah, like if you see –

[32:13] Let's get them in here.

[32:13] If you see a gorilla in a movie, you're probably like –

[32:16] Come on, this is your life.

[32:16] You're probably like –

[32:17] Stephanie, come out.

[32:19] Stephanie flew here all the way from London.

[32:21] Amazing.

[32:22] I mean, it's like if you see a gorilla in a movie, you're like, oh, that gorilla is cute, but if you saw the gorilla in real life, you'd be like terrified of that thing.

[32:29] Oh, that's hot.

[32:31] Okay.

[32:32] Interesting.

[32:33] Like, let's put a hat and coat on and go out to dinner.

[32:37] I know a great place that serves bananas.

Elliott Kalan

[32:40] What was the restaurant we talked about in Zookeeper?

[32:42] It was T-G-I-F-F-P, not N-A, like this thing is Friday for people, not apes or something like that.

[32:53] Anyway, they bring her back and she says, I was in hell.

[32:57] I spent years in my worst memory and I couldn't help them and they were burning.

[33:02] And I mean, this gets revealed at the end as if it's a surprise.

[33:05] But when she was a girl, she accidentally set a fire and I guess her family died.

[33:09] Yeah.

[33:09] Or somebody died.

[33:10] I knew it was her fault.

[33:12] Yeah.

[33:13] It is her fault.

[33:14] And now she's back and she's got Lucy Akira powers and she starts using them to kill people one by one for no discernible reason.

[33:23] Well, let's make this.

Dan McCoy

[33:23] Did we make this clear that like the serum like activates extra parts of your brain?

[33:28] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[33:28] Now she's got like telekinetic powers, but she's also a demon woman.

Dan McCoy

[33:33] And telepathic powers.

Hallie Haglund

[33:34] Yeah.

[33:35] No, and I think it is clear.

[33:36] Okay.

[33:37] So her.

[33:38] Lay it down for me.

[33:39] So she lives.

[33:40] She's a Catholic.

[33:41] And also she lives in constant guilt of this thing where she killed her whole family and her power.

[33:48] So basically she's able to hear the thoughts of all other people.

[33:54] And so she winds up killing them when she hears that like they don't really love her.

Elliott Kalan

[34:00] Oh.

Hallie Haglund

[34:01] Because every time she kills someone, it's like they're saying this isn't really you.

[34:08] What's her name again?

Stuart Wellington

[34:10] Her name is Zoe, which means life, by the way.

[34:14] Oh.

[34:17] And Mark Duplass's character is named Frank like Frankenstein.

Elliott Kalan

[34:20] Yeah.

[34:21] And Donald Glover's character is named Nico like Nico in the Velvet Underground.

[34:25] Yeah.

[34:26] And oh, and Quicksilver's character is named Clay like the clay of life, I guess.

[34:31] Like it's a golem.

[34:31] Yeah, you make a golem.

[34:32] Nico probably means something about life in Greek or something.

[34:35] And Sarah Bolger, the videographer.

[34:36] I bet it means like news or something.

[34:39] It's like Bolger from Wizard of Oz.

[34:42] Well, Ray Bolger.

[34:43] I mean, that's just her name.

[34:44] Yeah, exactly.

[34:45] It's not a, that one doesn't have any hidden meaning to it.

[34:48] They just happen to be two people with the same last name.

[34:50] Her character's name is Eva, like Eve, or like the robot in WALL-E.

Stuart Wellington

[34:56] Oh, yeah, there's a robot in WALL-E.

[35:00] That's the twist.

Elliott Kalan

[35:02] So basically she just finds it.

[35:03] The movie's like, oh, he's a robot.

Stuart Wellington

[35:05] So at first you're like, oh, maybe she's okay.

[35:08] And then pretty quick you're like, oh, no, she's not.

[35:10] She's going to be almost as bad as that dog.

[35:11] Now, I was expecting that dog to get into some real fucking shenanigans.

[35:15] I was like, I was about to be like, I was about to be like, hey, Korn, step aside.

[35:20] There's a new freak on a leash.

Elliott Kalan

[35:24] It's this dog.

[35:25] You are really the walks in the park along tonight.

[35:30] The dog kind of disappears from the movie.

[35:32] Does she kill it?

[35:33] Yes, she does.

[35:34] The dog starts growling at her and she looks at it.

[35:37] She scans it.

[35:37] And then you hear, and you know it's dead.

Hallie Haglund

[35:40] But so she basically always kills people when she's like half aware.

[35:45] Because when she's first brought back to life, she's like half aware of her, like how wrong

[35:51] it was that she was brought back.

[35:53] Because she had these initial suspicions with the dog.

[35:55] She was like, I don't think we should have brought him back.

Elliott Kalan

[35:58] Even though she then brings the dog into her apartment.

Hallie Haglund

[36:00] We ripped him back from heaven.

[36:01] All dogs go to heaven.

[36:03] Yep.

[36:03] Someone mentioned.

[36:04] That's in the book of Bluth.

[36:06] Yeah.

[36:07] But so she's constantly like hearing the people's thoughts of like, this isn't the real Zoe.

[36:14] I have to stab Zoe with this needle.

[36:16] Yeah.

[36:17] That happens with Donald Glover because she tries to kiss him and she knows that he's in

[36:21] love with her.

[36:22] But like he's so weirded out because he knows it's not her.

[36:25] So he won't kiss her.

Elliott Kalan

[36:26] So she hurls him into a storage locker.

Hallie Haglund

[36:28] And crushes him to death.

Elliott Kalan

[36:29] Until blood pours out the body.

[36:30] Yeah.

[36:30] Like he's a Capri Sun made out of blood.

[36:33] And as Hallie pointed out, I think while we were watching it, aside from Olivia,

[36:37] Wilde who dies and then comes back, Donald Glover is the first victim and is the only

[36:41] black character.

[36:42] So like they could have easily gone out of their way not to kill the black guy first.

[36:46] No, but there was that character who vapes a lot.

[36:50] Yeah.

[36:50] Quick zone.

[36:50] Who died after him.

[36:51] He dies afterwards.

Stuart Wellington

[36:52] Yeah.

[36:53] But it was really important that they kept him around longer.

[36:56] So he could vape.

[36:59] His character arc, he needed more time to develop that character arc.

Elliott Kalan

[37:03] Their characteristics were like Mark Duplass doesn't really care about other people.

[37:07] Olivia Wilde, religious and nice.

[37:10] Donald Glover, black and has a crush on Olivia Wilde.

[37:13] Quicksilver, vapes.

[37:14] And videographer, girl.

[37:16] And those are their characters.

Hallie Haglund

[37:18] I mean, that's your interpretation with your limited...

[37:22] From your position of privilege.

Elliott Kalan

[37:26] I'm indicting the filmmakers.

[37:27] I'm not saying these people are that way.

[37:30] All right.

[37:30] I'm saying the characters are.

Hallie Haglund

[37:32] Well, I saw a rich tapestry of human beings when I watched this film.

Elliott Kalan

[37:36] It was a real humans of New York story.

[37:39] So she kills Vapo by making him choke on his vape e-cigarette.

Dan McCoy

[37:44] It's like a weird public service announcement against Vapy.

Stuart Wellington

[37:48] Yeah.

[37:49] She's like, her first two kills are the most Freddy Krueger kills you can think of.

[37:54] Except she doesn't have puns afterwards.

[37:56] But she does wink at Vapy.

[37:58] She winks at him when he's dying.

[37:59] When he's choking on his fucking sick vape mod.

Hallie Haglund

[38:02] Isn't this ironic?

[38:04] He he he he he he.

[38:05] That was cool.

Stuart Wellington

[38:06] Mm-hmm.

[38:07] You wish you could kill people with your mind powers?

Hallie Haglund

[38:10] With their vapes.

[38:11] Oh, wow.

[38:12] Not really.

Stuart Wellington

[38:13] You just don't approve of their lifestyle.

Hallie Haglund

[38:14] No.

[38:15] You know what?

[38:16] God bless.

[38:17] Every vape.

Elliott Kalan

[38:21] Then Mark Duplass and the other girl, Eva, are left.

[38:25] And he's like, I'm going to inject her with some kind of thing that stops this.

Stuart Wellington

[38:29] But the best part is when they pull his vape pen out of his neck and they're like, he joked on his vape pen?

[38:36] Like, no shit, dude.

[38:38] And we just saw it happen.

Hallie Haglund

[38:39] I don't even think he was vaping when he was yelling at Olivia Wilde.

Elliott Kalan

[38:44] It takes them a long time to.

[38:46] And this also, they don't leave this.

[38:48] The basement laboratory they're in for almost the entire movie.

[38:52] And Olivia Wilde is just sitting there, does a crazy thing, and then goes back to sitting there.

[38:57] It takes them forever to realize something wrong is happening other than just like a bad sort of feeling.

[39:03] And it also takes her forever to like pull off her whatever plan she has.

[39:07] Like there's no reason for her to wait to kill everybody one at a time.

Hallie Haglund

[39:12] Because you don't understand.

[39:13] She's fighting.

[39:14] She's only killing because she's struggling with like human and her hellish pain.

Elliott Kalan

[39:19] But when she's not killing, she's just sitting there glaring at everybody.

Hallie Haglund

[39:22] Yeah, but she's like trying to be human.

Stuart Wellington

[39:24] Oh, you think she's struggling with it.

Hallie Haglund

[39:26] Yeah, that's why she only kills when she realizes that like people think she's like too far gone.

Elliott Kalan

[39:32] She's just a total maniac monster.

[39:33] Yeah, she's like floating around.

Hallie Haglund

[39:35] No, remember?

[39:36] She was almost brought back with Mark Duplass.

[39:38] And he was like, I love you.

[39:39] I love you.

[39:40] And she was like crying.

[39:42] And she said, do you really love me?

[39:44] And then she touched his head.

[39:46] And then she said she heard his thoughts.

Elliott Kalan

[39:49] And he was like, I never loved you.

Hallie Haglund

[39:50] He's like, I have to stab her.

[39:52] This isn't even her.

[39:54] Fucking slut.

[39:55] She's.

Elliott Kalan

[39:55] No, I didn't.

[39:56] Whoa.

Hallie Haglund

[39:57] Oil-eyed bitch.

Elliott Kalan

[39:58] Also, when she does, when she uses her crazy powers, her eyes turn black like she's got the black oil from the X-Files in her body.

[40:04] And I was like, where's Alex Krychek?

[40:06] Where are all the characters we've come to love from the X-Files?

Stuart Wellington

[40:10] So when she kills Mark Duplass by squeezing his head real good, why did they put all the CGI to make his face look like his face is exploding kind of?

[40:19] Like it doesn't actually explode.

[40:21] No, but they had CGI blood spurting out of his nose.

Hallie Haglund

[40:23] Do you mean you just wish they'd gotten the extra step and like you'd seen the full on?

Stuart Wellington

[40:27] Yes, I want to see like a full on like they should have done a quick cut and she should have like ripped his head up.

Dan McCoy

[40:32] I would have wondered if they just did like a smash cut to a tomato or something.

[40:37] Like a really cheap effect.

[40:39] They just like cut and all of a sudden there's a tomato.

Stuart Wellington

[40:42] It's like that shot in Dead Alive or Brain Dead, depending on what country you're watching the movie,

[40:49] where the baby pulls itself through the woman's face.

[40:54] There's a moment like you're watching it and yeah, you can see a clear cut.

[40:57] Where they're like, this is her face.

[40:59] Now this is a dummy where a little baby thing is pulling itself through.

[41:02] But at the same time you're laughing and it's gross.

[41:05] They should have done that.

Elliott Kalan

[41:06] That baby sounds like a really good actor.

Stuart Wellington

[41:08] That baby is, should have been a star.

[41:11] They could have made a whole franchise off of a zombie baby.

[41:13] If that baby wasn't a puppet, then yeah.

[41:15] Star quality.

[41:17] Even so, because it's a puppet, I mean, it's not like a puppet hasn't been a star before.

[41:21] Look at fucking Chucky, dude.

[41:23] Superstar.

Elliott Kalan

[41:24] Just look at Charlie McCarthy.

[41:26] Look at the Muppets.

[41:27] You know what?

[41:28] You turned me around on this.

[41:29] Why is Peter Jackson wasting his time on the fucking Tolkien shit when he could be making zombie baby movies?

Stuart Wellington

[41:36] Establishing a cinematic universe based on the zombie baby character.

Elliott Kalan

[41:40] That's all original stuff.

[41:41] If I wanted Tolkien, I've got three to a thousand books I could read about it.

[41:46] I could still Marillion as much as I want.

[41:48] But there's only one place for me to get zombie baby, too, with the Dawn of the Dead remake, I guess.

[41:53] Yeah.

[41:53] And I guess It's Alive is not a zombie baby, but the baby is a mutant that can act like a zombie.

[41:58] What about train spotting?

[42:00] I mean, that's a hallucination of a baby that spins his head around.

[42:03] What about babies turn out?

[42:06] That's a live adult baby.

[42:09] Don't be naive.

[42:11] That's how he survived all his mosex?

Stuart Wellington

[42:12] I mean, there is a sequence in John Live that is basically like a baby's day out where, for some reason, Lionel decides to take the zombie baby to the park.

Hallie Haglund

[42:19] It was so funny.

[42:21] It's like, there's no reason to do that.

[42:23] What about Pet Sematary?

[42:25] Didn't the baby come back from that?

Stuart Wellington

[42:26] Oh, that was totally a zombie baby.

[42:27] Yeah, Gage is totally a zombie baby.

[42:28] And also, of course, the...

[42:29] And you had a Lazarus Effect style thing where you're like, why did he bring that baby back to life?

[42:34] Because he wants that baby back ribs.

Elliott Kalan

[42:38] He's saying, he goes, I want my baby back, baby back, baby back.

[42:43] And also, there was that, there was that, the Haitian Smokey Jazz Review cabaret show, Zombie Baby.

[42:53] Now, let's make a very long story short, because this is actually one of the shorter movies we've watched.

[42:58] It's less than an hour and a half.

Hallie Haglund

[42:59] Actually, we basically told everything that needs to be told.

Elliott Kalan

[43:01] Well, the thing at the end is, the videographer Eva goes into Olivia Wilde's memories and tells the girl, you can open the door.

[43:11] And they open the door, and it seems like she's cured Olivia Wilde's psychosis.

[43:16] But then she stabs her with the syringe that's supposed to cure her.

[43:20] Some firemen run in, and she looks over at Olivia Wilde's gone.

[43:24] And the fireman is actually Olivia Wilde, and she snaps Eva's neck.

[43:28] And then, but it ends then with-

Stuart Wellington

[43:30] You would think that would be the ending of the movie where you're like, oh, that was a great final scare movie.

Hallie Haglund

[43:34] But it's not.

[43:35] Then a Dalmatian comes in and starts licking the body's face.

[43:40] No.

[43:41] Yeah.

[43:41] Because it's a fireman.

[43:43] You really ran with the fireman.

[43:44] That's horrible.

Elliott Kalan

[43:44] Then Olivia Wilde proceeds to bring back Mark Duplass with the serum.

[43:49] Smash cut.

[43:50] The Lazarus Effect title scene.

[43:53] I guess setting up for a sequel, the Lazarus Effect 2 effect in it.

Hallie Haglund

[43:56] So, I have, I like, only remember Flatliners from a very big, like, far distance.

[44:05] Sure.

[44:05] Anyone who can conjure it more vividly in their mind, did this seem actually, because in my mind, Flatliners was like a really good movie.

Elliott Kalan

[44:14] It's not, but-

[44:15] It's a better movie.

[44:16] It's a better movie than this.

[44:18] Flatliners is, they are deliberately stopping their hearts and then-

[44:22] Right.

[44:22] And then bring themselves back.

[44:23] Right.

[44:23] And they do it, but when they do it, they are breaking the barrier between worlds.

[44:28] They bring something back with them.

[44:29] And so-

[44:30] And they're forced to all, like, confront-

[44:32] They have to confront their own personal demons.

[44:34] Right.

[44:34] And-

[44:35] Yeah, they're demons.

Hallie Haglund

[44:36] They withheld the truth.

[44:37] That's the same as lying.

[44:38] That was my favorite line from that.

[44:40] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[44:42] But it's-

[44:43] It's-

[44:43] It's really put an imprint on you.

[44:45] The thing that stuck out to me the most about Flatliners-

[44:47] That's why I'm so honest with everybody.

[44:48] ... was that their medical dissection class is in, like, this dimly lit room hung with tapestries.

[44:53] Like, they're like, oh, I guess we're taking a medical class from Cagliostro.

Hallie Haglund

[44:58] But they also, like, this setting was so limited.

[45:02] You were always in the same lab.

[45:04] Whereas at least with Flatliners, when they died, they were, like, by a tree in a field,

[45:08] right?

Dan McCoy

[45:09] Yeah.

[45:09] I mean, well, depending on who died.

[45:12] I feel like everyone who died, like, went to a different place, right?

[45:14] Well, that only-

[45:15] Yeah, depending on what your background was.

Elliott Kalan

[45:18] Yeah.

[45:18] And, well, Kiefer Sutherland was what?

[45:20] That he, like, some black people made fun of him, and then he hit them or something?

Stuart Wellington

[45:24] Yeah, there was some kid that-

[45:26] Was taunting him?

[45:27] Yeah.

[45:28] And then the Baldwin was, like, videotaping people he was having sex with.

Hallie Haglund

[45:32] Whoa.

[45:33] The Baldwin's.

[45:34] I gotta see this again.

Stuart Wellington

Hallie Haglund

[45:35] I saw this when I was so young.

Stuart Wellington

[45:37] What was Julia Roberts's?

[45:38] Oh, I don't know.

[45:39] I think it had something to do with her dad, like-

Elliott Kalan

[45:42] Oh, right.

[45:42] Her dad was a Vietnam veteran.

[45:44] Yeah, he committed suicide.

[45:45] And he committed suicide, yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[45:46] I think that's what the tree was.

[45:48] Did she go and, like, find him hanging from the tree or something?

Stuart Wellington

[45:51] Possibly.

[45:52] Now, I feel like if you're gonna do-

[45:54] I hate a movie like this because it so makes me want to be, like, backseat driver and makes me want to be, like, well, if they had-

[46:01] Oh, I love doing that, though.

[46:02] I don't know, established the geography of this one specific location a little bit better.

[46:06] It could have been a little tenser.

[46:08] Or if they, I don't know, like, kind of downplayed Olivia Wilde's, like, craziness initially, or-

[46:16] She's crazy from the moment they bring her back.

[46:18] Or if they're gonna do that, if they play up the idea that Olivia Wilde realizes that she was in hell and that she's back and for whatever reason she doesn't want to go back to hell.

[46:29] And the only reason she commits acts of violence is to keep herself from there, like, she's almost like a junkie to not be in hell.

[46:35] That would be a motivation that makes more sense to me.

[46:38] But-

[46:39] Or if she played up the idea that she is back from hell and, in addition, she brought, like, a demon passenger with her.

[46:47] If they played up the dual personalities a little bit more, that would have been interesting?

Elliott Kalan

[46:51] That was what I thought the plot was for a while, was that she had been to hell and had brought something back with her.

[46:56] Because that it's just that this serum gives her mutant brain powers is the most boring route, I feel like.

[47:05] They even have, at one point, Donald Glover's like, humans only use 10% of their brain at a time.

[47:12] And it's like, that corny old chestnut?

[47:15] But it seems like that's-

[47:17] At this point, that is-

[47:18] Corny old chestnuts.

[47:20] Corned chestnuts.

[47:21] It's well-trodden territory.

[47:23] The idea of, like, oh, now I have a super brain and I can do things.

[47:27] I can do magic powers with it.

[47:29] Not that going to hell and bringing something back is not well-trodden territory also.

Stuart Wellington

[47:33] But, and it's just, like, her powers are pretty vague.

[47:37] Exactly what's gonna happen, like, her motivations are vague, other than I wanna kill these guys in Freddy Krueger ways.

[47:44] It's not too different from the demons in Night of the Demons.

[47:47] A movie that's way better, and you should go watch that instead of this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[47:50] Is that the one where they're at the movie theater?

Stuart Wellington

[47:52] No, Night of the Demons where they're at a hall house, the haunted house, and there's a Halloween party.

[47:57] Oh, okay.

[47:58] And they listen to a Bauhaus song, and it's awesome.

Hallie Haglund

[48:01] I will say, I think you guys are pretty locked in this, like, you guys obviously watch a lot more fantasy, superhero, special powers movies than I do.

[48:12] Yeah.

[48:12] And I thought that there was something human about the psychology of feeling very conflicted about, like, you just realized hell was reliving your biggest guilt, and you can't escape it.

[48:29] And, like, her psychology about killing people seemed very tied to the pain that she felt about, like, not being loved by anyone because she had committed this horrible act, and then hearing that they didn't identify or love with her.

Elliott Kalan

[48:45] I think that would be, I wish that they didn't have the whole, I caused this fire when I was a kid.

[48:52] And it was just that she wanted to be loved and was finding that that was missing, because that was something we've seen a lot in movies we've watched, is, like, someone has a mysterious memory, and then they've got a, I mean, that's, it's, like, that's a pretty hackneyed trope at this point.

[49:12] Like, oh, there's just...

Hallie Haglund

[49:13] But because it's, like, real human psychology that, like, something imprints on you when you're young that, like, tells you you shouldn't be loved, and then that follows you for the rest of your life?

Elliott Kalan

[49:24] No, no.

[49:24] The idea that, like, well, it's more the idea I hurt somebody when I was young, and it's going to be revealed in cryptic flashbacks throughout the film, and that at the end that's the, like, thing that has to be forgiven or solved.

Stuart Wellington

[49:37] I wish that there was, like...

[49:38] Although they kind of disproved that notion, because that didn't actually solve it.

[49:42] Yeah, I liked that.

[49:42] It's true.

[49:42] It actually didn't help at all.

[49:44] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[49:45] And I feel like then describing it makes it sound more subversive in that way than it actually was.

Hallie Haglund

[49:51] No, I'm, I, it was, like, a fine movie.

[49:53] I think I liked it more than you guys did, but I also think that, like, you guys...

[49:56] You definitely liked it more than I did.

[49:57] ...have locked into, like, a formula of super...

[50:01] We're locked into something.

Elliott Kalan

[50:03] Sorry.

[50:04] Well, I don't even superhero things.

[50:05] I think when you've seen, we watch the same kind of movie over and over again for this dumb podcast that we do called The Flophouse,

[50:12] and so...

[50:13] Maybe you've heard of it.

[50:15] So I think it's...

[50:15] Are you talking to the listener?

[50:17] So I know, speaking for myself, I'm more tired of it.

[50:20] I mean, now...

[50:21] But you might be right.

[50:22] There might be your...

[50:22] I may be crazy.

[50:23] You might be saying that we...

[50:24] But it just might be a lunatic you're looking for.

[50:26] Is that by William Joel?

[50:27] Turn out the light?

[50:27] It is by William Joel.

[50:29] Turn out the light.

[50:30] It's kind of hazy.

[50:31] I don't know the lyrics to you may.

[50:32] So call me maybe.

[50:34] So call me maybe.

Stuart Wellington

[50:37] No, I mean, I think there's probably something to what you're saying, Hallie, that we are predisposed to dislike this shitty horror movie we're about to watch.

[50:47] And we...

Hallie Haglund

[50:48] When it's specifically chosen for the podcast that you do that's about watching bad movies.

Elliott Kalan

[50:53] I go into every movie hoping it's going to be a good movie.

[50:56] Unless it's one I know it's going to be bad, like Food Fighters.

Hallie Haglund

[50:58] All right, Dan's getting annoyed with us.

Dan McCoy

[51:00] No, no, I just...

[51:01] We're getting into Judgments now, so we should get into the part of the show that's specifically about Judgments.

[51:06] Okay, let's open the door.

[51:07] Let's go into Judgment Room.

[51:09] Yeah, we're opening the door.

Elliott Kalan

[51:10] Open the door and get on the floor and walk the dinosaur over to the Judgments Room.

[51:13] If there's one thing I know, it's there.

Dan McCoy

[51:14] We're walking over to the Judgment Area.

Elliott Kalan

[51:16] Walk past this creepy door.

Dan McCoy

[51:18] Oh, let me close that.

Stuart Wellington

[51:23] Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Dan McCoy

[51:25] Down, down, boy.

[51:27] All right.

[51:28] Now we're at the Judgment Area.

[51:31] Hallie's left the room.

[51:32] She's walked out of the room.

Elliott Kalan

[51:34] Wow, that's a harsh judgment.

[51:37] Now, Dan, what do we do in the Judgment Room?

[51:38] What are our ratings for Shocktoberfest?

Dan McCoy

[51:39] Well, now we're in the final Judgments.

[51:42] And the categories are, was this movie totally scarifying?

[51:49] Was it totally snorifying?

[51:52] Or was it frighteningly funny?

[51:55] I'll go and say that this was totally snorifying.

[51:59] But for a snorifying movie, it was not that bad.

[52:05] Like, it was a bad movie that was not as bad as many movies we watch.

Elliott Kalan

[52:11] No, it was just kind of like a non-entity to me.

[52:13] It was snorifying because I had seen it before.

[52:16] But if you're coming into this type of movie new, you might like it.

Dan McCoy

[52:19] I'll say one thing about it, though.

[52:20] Like, before you guys give your ratings, it was not scary.

[52:25] No.

[52:25] If you're looking for a scary movie, then this is not going to fit your...

[52:28] This is not it.

Stuart Wellington

[52:29] There's a couple of jump scares.

[52:31] There's a jump scare that is inexplicably followed by a weird pig sound effect that doesn't make any sense because there's no pig to be found.

[52:41] But, no, I think you're right.

[52:42] I mean, part of it is the movie is kind of helped by, like, the charm of actors that I like.

[52:50] Yeah.

[52:52] I think I swore I saw an interview with Olivia Wilde talking about this movie where she was like, yeah, I just wanted to do a crazy horror movie.

[53:00] And it does seem like she's kind of having fun.

Elliott Kalan

[53:02] She definitely seems like she's enjoying it.

[53:04] And, like, I wish that there was more of a sense of fun.

Hallie Haglund

[53:07] She definitely had more of a fun role to play out than anyone else.

[53:10] Oh, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[53:11] She's the monster and not the victims.

[53:13] But the...

[53:15] I mean, I wish that the movie had been directed less, like, I want to say artlessly.

Elliott Kalan

[53:22] Like Hero Dreams of Sushi.

Stuart Wellington

[53:24] Yep.

[53:24] I wish it had been more sushi-based.

[53:27] Hero Dreams of Killing.

[53:29] But, like, I want to say artlessly, but I feel like it's...

[53:32] Like, it felt too often that the director was trying to do the same old shit, trying to do the same, like, slow-motion dolls catching on fire type bullshit.

[53:43] When this is a movie where you could just be a little more patient and it would probably be a little bit scarier.

[53:50] Spending just more time with a camera on a weird dog's face would be scarier than what they showed us.

[53:57] Hallie.

[53:57] Wait, I don't even know what my score was.

[54:00] Totally snorifying.

[54:01] Yeah, sure.

[54:02] Hallie.

[54:02] How would you think of it?

[54:03] Wait, so what are the categories?

Dan McCoy

[54:04] Totally scarifying, totally snorifying, or frighteningly funny.

Hallie Haglund

[54:13] I guess snorifying.

[54:16] But I didn't actually think...

[54:17] It didn't scare me at all.

[54:19] And I am more susceptible to scares.

[54:23] You guys even preface this with, like, at least it'll give you a few good scares, Hallie.

[54:30] Well, here's...

Elliott Kalan

[54:31] That was in the email invitation to be a guest in the Fluff House.

Hallie Haglund

[54:33] Hallie, care for a few good scares.

[54:37] Also, I was not scared at all.

[54:41] But I clearly didn't get bored.

[54:45] The luxury of this film was that it was not long.

[54:48] It was very short.

[54:49] So I felt like I was able to bring more of a critical eye to it because I feel like every

[54:58] time we watch a movie, I'm, like, into it.

[55:01] And then we're, like, an hour and a half in.

[55:03] And I realize we still have another hour.

[55:06] And I feel like I hate everything about movies.

Elliott Kalan

[55:09] That's why I like watching movies with you is...

[55:12] I don't remember if I've said this on the podcast, but I was saying this to Hallie before watching

[55:15] it, that when we watch horror movies with Hallie, usually the scares hit her every time for

[55:21] the first hour.

[55:21] And then, like, for the next hour, she's, like, just wants it over and she hates it.

[55:27] She'll just say things like, just kill the ghost, bitch.

[55:31] She's just saying that stuff to the screen because she's so bored with what she's seeing.

Hallie Haglund

[55:36] So I appreciated it.

[55:37] I thought the link of this movie made it engaging.

[55:40] And I did find...

[55:42] And, like, I thought it was a, you know, a simple...

[55:46] Had it been a play, like, if this was a play, that would be, like, a totally fine play.

[55:51] Let's make it a play.

[55:52] No, but if it were a play, it would have been totally fine.

Elliott Kalan

[55:55] It would have been better.

[55:55] I would give it a C- for the film itself, an A on length, and I think a B if it was a

[56:02] play.

[56:02] Yeah, exactly.

[56:03] Okay, so that's how I feel.

Dan McCoy

[56:06] A tie is a pedantic person.

[56:13] I think when he pronounces these words, it's in a very show-offy way.

[56:18] Gyro.

[56:19] Gyro.

[56:20] Sacrebleu.

[56:21] Sacrebleu.

[56:22] Sayers Rock.

[56:23] Uluru.

Stuart Wellington

[56:26] What you are witnessing is real.

[56:29] The participants are not actors.

[56:31] They are actual litigants with real cases.

[56:34] They call in via Skype to Judge John Hodgman's court.

Dan McCoy

[56:38] The real people's court.

[56:40] Now I call you to Judge John Hodgman's internet court.

[56:44] Find it at MaximumFun.org or wherever you download podcasts.

[56:50] But tonight, the Flophouse is sponsored in part by Squarespace.

[56:56] Whether you need a landing page, a beautiful gallery, a professional blog, or an online store,

[57:02] it's all included with your Squarespace website.

[57:06] Now, if you want a website...

[57:09] I do.

[57:09] The advantages of doing it with Squarespace is you've got a simple, intuitive process.

[57:14] That's great, because I got an idea for one.

[57:15] Okay.

[57:16] Well, what else were you going to say about Squarespace?

[57:18] No, you can just add and arrange your content and features with the click of a mouse.

[57:21] That'd be perfect for me.

Elliott Kalan

[57:22] A mouse?

[57:23] Ooh!

[57:24] Now, here's a...

[57:24] Let me tell you about a project.

[57:25] Kelly just climbed up onto a chair.

[57:28] Eek!

[57:29] Now, you guys need to...

[57:30] You guys know I often have ideas for websites.

[57:33] Sure.

[57:34] For different businesses.

[57:35] And here's an idea.

Stuart Wellington

[57:36] It's convenient that Squarespace has been such a friend of the Flophouse to give you plenty

[57:41] of opportunities to talk about your website ideas.

[57:43] There was.

[57:43] Webs?

[57:44] Oh!

Elliott Kalan

[57:45] Let's forget...

[57:46] Let's not forget Werner Herzog's urethra.

[57:48] You are a source for news and reviews.

[57:50] Werner Herzog's urethra.

[57:52] And I've got a new idea for a new site, and I want to run it by you guys.

[57:55] And I think Squarespace could really help me out with it.

[57:57] It's called freeze-dried boogers.org.

[57:59] Okay.

[57:59] We're a charity.

[58:00] We're not a...

[58:01] Okay.

Hallie Haglund

[58:01] We're a non-profit.

[58:02] I'm listening.

[58:03] I inspired this, didn't I, with my booger thing today.

Elliott Kalan

[58:07] No, I just have to be...

[58:08] I have a two-year-old in my house, so boogers come up a lot.

[58:11] Not just in conversation with Hallie.

[58:13] Although you get...

[58:13] Let's put a pin in your booger talk, Hallie.

[58:15] We'll get to that later.

[58:17] Pin in my booger.

[58:17] A lot of people don't have boogers.

[58:20] Uh-huh.

[58:20] And they need boogers.

[58:21] It's hard to ship boogers, because the boogers go bad.

[58:24] That's where freeze-dried boogers.org comes in.

[58:27] We take in donations, and 95% of what we take in, 5% goes to administrative fees and fundraising.

[58:33] 95% of what we take in goes straight to providing freeze-dried, fresh boogers to those who need

[58:40] them most.

Hallie Haglund

[58:40] But this isn't literally like a 21st century version of the Ren and Stimpy, like, Nose Goblin

[58:47] episode.

Elliott Kalan

[58:48] That was a private collection of boogers.

[58:50] Mm-hmm.

Hallie Haglund

[58:51] All right, so 21st century, you're learning how to make money off of it.

Elliott Kalan

[58:56] It's a not-for-profit, and I'd have you know that that's the problem, is booger hoarding

[59:00] has become a very serious issue, and the space between the booger haves and the booger have-nots

[59:04] has been widening.

[59:05] If you want to read a Thomas Picketti-My-Noses book about booger capitalism, it's all in there.

[59:13] So freeze-dried boogers.org, we're helping to bring the 99% of boogers back from the 1% of

[59:18] noses.

[59:19] Now, Dan, tell us more about Squarespace.

[59:21] Would I be able to- would my site show up on, like, mobile apps as well as on mobile phones

[59:26] as well as computers?

Stuart Wellington

[59:26] The thing is, I have this huge stack of library books, and I have no boogers to stick in them

[59:30] before I return these library books back to the library.

Elliott Kalan

[59:33] I'm not sure I approve of the use, but anyone who needs boogers can apply through the site.

Dan McCoy

[59:38] Squarespace would be great for you because you can get a free custom domain.

[59:42] Perfect.

[59:42] You've got responsive design.

[59:44] You've got beautiful templates that you can use to design your website.

Elliott Kalan

[59:48] Yeah, because people on the go might want to order those boogers.

[59:50] Yeah, well, they might realize, like, I just realized my nose is empty, and I'm not going

[59:55] to get- maybe I can get the boogers by tomorrow if they're shipped overnight, you know.

[59:59] And they're freeze-dried, so they're fresh.

[1:00:00] You just stick them in.

Hallie Haglund

[1:00:01] And at a certain age, you just stop producing boogers, right?

[1:00:05] I think it's the opposite.

[1:00:06] Your nose dries down.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:08] So, wait, when you say you just stick them in, do you stick them into your nose, and then

[1:00:12] your just natural body heat warms up them boogers?

[1:00:14] That's the plan.

[1:00:16] That's how it works.

[1:00:17] Yeah.

[1:00:17] We call it boog warming.

[1:00:18] Can you put them- can you put it in, like, a toaster oven to get those boogers up and running?

[1:00:22] Yeah.

[1:00:23] You could.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:23] I don't- you don't need to, but I mean, once they're in your hands, they're kind of up to

[1:00:27] you what you're going to do with them.

[1:00:28] That's the beauty of Squarespace.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:31] If you want to do a website-

[1:00:33] Where are you, but?

[1:00:35] Like, Allie, or something less gross, you can start your free trial today at squarespace.com

[1:00:42] slash flop to get 10% off your first purchase.

[1:00:47] So, say that last part again.

[1:00:49] You can start your free trial today at squarespace.com slash flop to get 10% off your first purchase.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:58] Squarespace.com slash flop for 10% off.

[1:01:01] Freezedriedboogers.org, here you come.

[1:01:03] Or whatever site you want to do.

[1:01:05] You know, create.

[1:01:05] You should.

[1:01:06] Squarespace.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:08] But also, our podcast tonight is sponsored by Blue Apron.

[1:01:13] Oh.

[1:01:14] No.

[1:01:15] Now, guys, not all green-

Hallie Haglund

[1:01:17] Our only boogers.com competitor.

[1:01:20] Wow.

[1:01:21] What?

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:22] Hallie said that this- that Blue Apron.com is the only competitor for Freezedriedboogers.com.

[1:01:28] One, two.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:30] Blue Apron provides delicious food.

[1:01:32] Yeah.

[1:01:32] And it's all measured out for you.

[1:01:33] That doesn't in any way fill the booger problem.

[1:01:37] Unless it's a lot of dairy.

[1:01:39] All right.

[1:01:40] Which helps with mucus production.

[1:01:42] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:43] For less than $10 per meal, Blue Apron delivers seasonal recipes along with pre-portioned ingredients

[1:01:48] to make delicious home-cooked meals.

[1:01:52] Now, uh-

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:53] We've talked before.

[1:01:54] We've all had good experiences with Blue Apron.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:55] Yeah.

[1:01:57] If you, uh-

[1:01:57] If you've got good ingredients, you make good meals.

[1:02:01] And Blue Apron gives your ingredients pre-portioned out to you with easy-to-follow recipes.

[1:02:06] So you can, uh, make home-cooked meals at home.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:09] Let me tell you my least favorite part about cooking.

[1:02:11] Okay.

[1:02:12] It's the measuring.

[1:02:13] It'll say things like, a pinch of this.

[1:02:15] A dash of that.

[1:02:16] Mm-hmm.

[1:02:17] I don't know what that means.

[1:02:18] Even when it says, like, a cup of this, do I fill it up to the line?

[1:02:22] Or, like, a little above the line?

[1:02:23] Yeah, yeah.

[1:02:23] A little below the line?

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:25] Do I use this, uh, Spider-Man pint glass I just got sitting around?

[1:02:28] Or do I use this tumbler that's shaped like a human face?

[1:02:30] Yeah, exactly.

[1:02:32] Do I-

[1:02:32] Is that a cup?

[1:02:33] It's a cup to me.

Hallie Haglund

[1:02:35] I mean, I drink out of it, so it must be a cup.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:37] And if you're with-

Hallie Haglund

[1:02:38] I mean, that's really dumb.

[1:02:40] At least for the cup part.

[1:02:42] You should at least know what a cup is.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:44] No, but with parallax, if you look at it from above or below, you're not sure if it's

[1:02:48] a full cup or not.

[1:02:49] Blue Apron takes all that out of your hands.

[1:02:51] They measure it for you, and you can just dump it in.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:54] Some of the meals available in October, I always like to look at these.

[1:02:57] You got your Thai green curry chicken and squash with yu choy, jasmine rice, and cashews.

[1:03:03] And boogers.

[1:03:04] Yeah, roasted pork steamed buns with black garlic mayonnaise.

[1:03:09] And boogers.

[1:03:09] And spicy cabbage slaw.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:11] And that's delicious, even with the boogers.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:14] Hallie, stop saying that our sponsor has boogers in their food.

[1:03:18] Pardon me.

[1:03:19] Wow, I guess that's the-

[1:03:21] What?

[1:03:22] No.

[1:03:22] And seared salmon and fall vegetable hash with apple brown butter dressing.

[1:03:26] I like anything that's a hash.

Hallie Haglund

[1:03:28] Yeah, what do you think the fall vegetable is?

[1:03:28] That has no boogers.

[1:03:30] Boogers do not go with that meal.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:31] Like root vegetables?

[1:03:33] Yeah.

[1:03:34] I'm betting you got some parsnips in there.

[1:03:36] That sounds great.

[1:03:37] You got some yams.

[1:03:38] That sounds good.

[1:03:39] You got maybe some arrowroot.

[1:03:42] Don't know what that is.

[1:03:44] But all hashed together.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:46] Yeah.

[1:03:47] What about some sun choke?

[1:03:49] Uh-huh.

Hallie Haglund

[1:03:50] Sun choke, actually, no.

[1:03:52] It's more like early summer.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:54] What about some ramps?

Hallie Haglund

[1:03:56] Ramps are spring.

[1:03:57] It's a springtime thing.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:59] Okay.

[1:04:00] What about pickles?

[1:04:01] Pickles are-

[1:04:02] You make yourself.

[1:04:03] You can have them at any time of the year.

[1:04:05] What about good and plenty?

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:06] What season is that for?

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:08] That's a candy you can have in movie season.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:12] Like a word season?

[1:04:13] Yeah, yeah.

[1:04:14] What about like-

[1:04:15] You can see Birth of a Nation.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:16] What about like a spark plug?

[1:04:18] A spark plug, that's something that needs to be replaced in your car.

[1:04:21] Oh, right, right, right.

[1:04:22] Okay.

[1:04:24] So check out this week's menu.

[1:04:26] My human hair.

[1:04:26] When does that grow?

[1:04:28] Every day of the year.

[1:04:29] You get your first three meals free.

[1:04:31] Your first three meals free.

[1:04:33] Three?

[1:04:34] With free shipping by going to blueapron.com slash Flophouse.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:39] Wait, so if they go to blueapron.com slash Flophouse,

[1:04:42] they get their first three meals for no money?

[1:04:45] That's correct.

[1:04:46] With free shipping.

[1:04:47] And they get delicious food that they can cook easily

[1:04:50] because it's all measured out, no boogers included.

[1:04:53] No.

[1:04:54] That sounds like a great deal.

Hallie Haglund

[1:04:56] Wait, can I ask a genuine question?

[1:04:58] Sure.

[1:04:58] So when you say the meals are for a serving of one,

[1:05:03] or a serving of multiple people?

Dan McCoy

[1:05:05] You can get them in servings of two,

[1:05:08] or you can get a family serving of four.

Hallie Haglund

[1:05:10] Okay, so if you're getting your three first meals free,

[1:05:14] if you get a serving of two, is that two meals?

[1:05:18] That's two servings.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:19] If you're a single gentleman like myself, that's six meals.

[1:05:22] And if you got...

Hallie Haglund

[1:05:23] So every meal comes in two servings?

[1:05:25] Yes.

[1:05:26] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:26] Or four.

[1:05:27] Dan could get 12 servings out of that for his lonely life.

[1:05:30] Thank you, Elliot.

[1:05:32] I appreciate it.

[1:05:32] It's like Rocco's Lonely Life, that Nickelodeon cartoon.

[1:05:35] Rocco's.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:37] You will love how good it feels and tastes to create incredible home-cooked meals with Blue Apron,

[1:05:42] so don't wait.

[1:05:44] That's, again, blueapron.com slash Flophouse.

[1:05:49] And there's no one up on the Jumbotron tonight,

[1:05:51] but if you want to get on the Jumbotron,

[1:05:54] go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron.

[1:05:59] It's $100 for a personal message.

[1:06:01] It's $200 for a commercial message.

[1:06:04] If you want to put out your message into the world,

[1:06:08] that's one way to do it.

[1:06:09] Why don't we have any Jumbotron messages?

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:11] Do people not like us anymore, Dan?

[1:06:12] I just think that we haven't been pushing it that hard.

[1:06:14] Oh.

[1:06:15] Then I think we should push it real good,

[1:06:17] because Jumbotron's a great way to get out your message

[1:06:20] to the world and to that special someone.

[1:06:23] What kind of messages are they?

[1:06:24] Get a lot of birthday messages,

[1:06:26] get a lot of I love yous,

[1:06:27] and then we had a wedding proposal once.

[1:06:29] Some small business messages.

[1:06:30] And small businesses.

[1:06:31] Do you guys listen to Delilah?

[1:06:33] No.

[1:06:33] Is that a song?

Hallie Haglund

[1:06:36] Listeners, take note.

[1:06:38] Go ahead.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:40] Okay.

[1:06:41] We're waiting for them to go get a pencil and pen.

[1:06:44] You know that New York Delilah?

Hallie Haglund

[1:06:46] She's a radio hostess?

[1:06:46] She's a radio hostess,

[1:06:47] but she's been around for like 25 years.

[1:06:50] But every time I listen to her,

[1:06:51] she's like the most mesmerizing host.

[1:06:55] And she's always like,

[1:06:56] people are calling in and dedicating their love songs to her.

[1:06:59] And then I heard an interview with her on NPR

[1:07:01] for her like 25th anniversary.

[1:07:03] And she's still so like hopeful in love,

[1:07:06] even though she's been divorced like three times

[1:07:08] and has all these very inspiring stories.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:11] Okay.

[1:07:13] Take note, listeners.

[1:07:14] Delilah.

Hallie Haglund

[1:07:15] Okay.

[1:07:16] Put that up on your message.

[1:07:17] Put that up on your message board.

[1:07:19] What's your thing?

[1:07:20] Sure.

[1:07:20] Jumbotron.

[1:07:21] Your Jumbotron.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:22] A message to Delilah, I guess.

[1:07:24] So now what do we do, Dan?

[1:07:26] Yeah.

[1:07:26] What do we do in this part?

Dan McCoy

[1:07:27] Before we get to letters.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:29] There's another thing.

[1:07:31] We have a...

[1:07:32] We watch another movie.

[1:07:34] A movie about letters.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:35] You have to go through a metal detector.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:37] Yeah.

[1:07:38] Thanks, Obama.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:40] What?

[1:07:41] There are some gifts that have been sent to us.

[1:07:44] Oh, that's very nice.

[1:07:45] What?

[1:07:46] I just want to thank people for...

[1:07:49] We have a collection,

[1:07:50] a seven movie collection of the Fast and the Furious.

[1:07:55] Movies.

[1:07:56] From Jake Withheld.

[1:08:00] The dead body.

[1:08:00] So all seven of the Fast and the Furious movies,

[1:08:03] the Fast and the Furious Septilogy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:08] So that's the Fast and the Furious,

[1:08:10] two Fast and the Furious,

[1:08:11] the third one.

[1:08:12] Fast and the Furious Tokyo Drift.

[1:08:14] Okay, and then Fast and Furious was number four, right?

[1:08:16] And then Fast Five.

[1:08:18] Uh-huh.

[1:08:18] And then Six to the Fast Lane.

[1:08:20] Uh-huh.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:21] And then, of course...

[1:08:22] And then Fasty Fastest.

[1:08:24] The Sevens.

[1:08:25] The Seven.

[1:08:26] Yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[1:08:26] Seventh Heaven.

[1:08:27] The Fast and the Furious.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:29] It's a series of movies you...

[1:08:31] Seven Minutes in the Fast and the Furious.

[1:08:32] You shouldn't watch with your friends.

[1:08:35] You should watch it with your family.

[1:08:37] Vin Diesel, everybody.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:38] Because it's a movie about family,

[1:08:40] except for the first one,

[1:08:41] which is about, what, bank robbers that drive...

[1:08:43] I mean, they're always bank robbers.

Hallie Haglund

[1:08:45] Hey, depends on your family, Elliot.

[1:08:48] That's a good point.

[1:08:49] Hashtag don't judge.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:51] Unless you're judged wrong.

[1:08:52] Later on, my wife...

[1:08:53] I was watching the seventh one with my wife,

[1:08:56] and she said,

[1:08:57] so, is this a movie where the FBI recruits a race car driver to stop a criminal?

[1:09:03] And I'm like, that's exactly what this is.

[1:09:05] This is the seventh time.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:10] This one is from...

[1:09:14] Brian, middle name with Held,

[1:09:16] who writes that he...

[1:09:18] Brian Blessed.

[1:09:19] Really?

[1:09:19] I didn't find your podcast through the AV Club or Entertainment Weekly.

[1:09:22] I found it the old-fashioned way by Googling podcast plus ding dong.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:25] I found it the old-fashioned way.

[1:09:26] Written on the side of a bathroom stall.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:29] We should do that.

[1:09:31] So this guy designs enamel pins for his shop, mutantpins.com,

[1:09:35] and enclosed a few of his recent pins,

[1:09:38] including a Jean-Claude Van Damme Bloodsport pin.

[1:09:41] Thanks for all the last...

[1:09:42] Let's keep flopping on the flop side.

[1:09:44] There's the Bloodsport one.

[1:09:46] So there's a bunch of great pins that we can divvy up after the show.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:51] Is this the Canon Pictures logo?

Dan McCoy

[1:09:53] There's the Canon Pictures logo.

[1:09:56] And some crazy shit.

[1:09:58] Okay.

[1:09:59] There's a severed hand with an eyeball.

[1:10:01] So thank you.

[1:10:02] Yeah, they're very nice.

[1:10:02] Thank you for these.

[1:10:03] Can I have one?

[1:10:03] Thanks, Brian.

[1:10:04] Yeah, you can definitely have one.

[1:10:06] And lastly...

[1:10:06] No, no, does the letter say we can give Haley one?

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:10] That's a good point.

[1:10:11] Uh-uh.

[1:10:12] I'll allow it.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:12] That was the letter talking.

[1:10:14] Sorry for that noise.

[1:10:15] That was me pulling the tape off of this letter,

[1:10:20] which is from Steve and Nicole, last name withheld,

[1:10:24] who says,

[1:10:24] My wife and I recently attended a geek trivia night at a local bar.

[1:10:27] We walked away with Victoria's with the most insane prize set

[1:10:30] we've ever encountered at pub trivia.

[1:10:33] Our team won a cash prize and six heavy-duty board games.

[1:10:36] Part of our win was the direct result of awesomeness,

[1:10:39] but the other half can only be attributed to the confidence we gained

[1:10:42] from our team name, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turlets.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:46] Nice.

[1:10:47] Nice.

[1:10:47] The legacy lives on.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:49] So because we contributed the name,

[1:10:54] or Elliot in particular contributed the name...

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:57] Hey, look, who knows where ideas come from in the flop house?

[1:10:59] You know, we're all equal co-authors.

[1:11:01] They figured they should divvy up the...

Dan McCoy

[1:11:03] They should divvy up the spoils.

[1:11:08] So we got this game, which I'm assuming Stuart probably wants out of all of us.

[1:11:13] What, a giant board game?

[1:11:14] Sure.

[1:11:14] Some kind of fantasy board game?

[1:11:16] It's called Fire and Axe.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:18] Okay.

[1:11:18] A Viking soccer.

[1:11:19] Oh, ages 12 plus.

[1:11:20] That includes me.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:25] Thank you very much.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:27] Thanks very much.

[1:11:28] Glad we could help you race to victory.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:30] Thank you, Steve and Nicole.

[1:11:32] Last names withheld.

[1:11:34] But now, on to letters from listeners.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:37] The moment you've been waiting for, it's letters time.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:43] The letterist effect.

[1:11:48] And this first letter, it was like this.

[1:11:51] Hey, Dan, Stu, and Elliot.

[1:11:52] My ex-girlfriend took her life this morning.

[1:11:56] She was my first girlfriend, and we ended up back together for a period of time some 13 years later.

[1:12:02] I only bring this depressing news to you because I believe that we should hear more about the Rocket Crocodile Action Squad

[1:12:08] and how we can support the American Society for suicide prevention.

[1:12:12] I wish I had the foresight to offer more support to such organizations before someone left us.

[1:12:18] Please get out the message that there are people who want to help and who can't help.

[1:12:23] Love you guys.

[1:12:24] Blake, last name withheld.

[1:12:25] I know this is a downer to start the letter section with.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:29] I do like to start the letters with the downer ones.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:32] But, you know, it's an important message.

[1:12:37] And the Rocket Crocodile Action Squad was something that started on our Facebook group page, organized by our fans.

[1:12:45] We did a contest with them to select a movie for the Flophouse, and they raised a bunch of money for the American Society for Suicide Prevention.

[1:12:57] And I just want to say that, you know, just get out the message that even without the contest, you can donate to the American Society for Suicide Prevention.

[1:13:06] It's the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

[1:13:08] Sorry.

[1:13:09] And you can also buy a poster, the Rocket Crocodile poster at tapatico.com that we have there.

[1:13:19] The proceeds from that go to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

[1:13:24] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:26] And, yeah, I mean, this is also obviously an opportunity in addition to being able to donate.

[1:13:32] I guess it's just important to reach out to those people and people that you think might be in trouble.

[1:13:37] Just, I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:38] To reach out to people, and it's horrible to hear of someone who is beyond help for that reason.

[1:13:46] And I think a lot of us, myself included, have had times when someone that they had a feeling that they should say something to weren't sure how to do it and so didn't and lost that chance forever to say anything to that person again.

[1:14:01] And so it's a horrible thing.

[1:14:05] And to anyone who, if you think someone might be feeling that way, it's worth reaching out.

[1:14:12] The worst that happens is you can pretend you were joking, and it'll be real awkward for like five, ten minutes, and then things will go on.

[1:14:19] Best case scenario is you reach out at the right moment and stop someone.

[1:14:25] And if anyone here has listened to this has had those thoughts or has had those feelings, it's good for you to try to reach out as well.

[1:14:34] And I know we've all talked about our experience with this kind of stuff that like I firmly believe that the reason I am here is because people reached out to me and I in turn reached out to them, even though it was hard to.

[1:14:49] And if anyone here listening to this has had those feelings, then the only cure for it is other human beings, as difficult as it might seem.

[1:15:00] So please find the strength that I know you have to take advantage of that and to reach out to someone, whether you're worried about someone else or you're worried about yourself.

[1:15:11] Yeah.

[1:15:13] It's a, it's a, it is a, it is an action that cannot be taken back.

Hallie Haglund

[1:15:20] And, and every time you hear about it, it seems like it didn't make sense at all, but you only hear about it if you're still around.

[1:15:30] So that's something to hold on to if you're thinking about doing it.

[1:15:35] Uh.

[1:15:37] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:38] And here's, this is the thing, this is going to sound stupid, but like, not to keep bringing everybody down.

[1:15:44] This is going to sound stupid, but like, if you're thinking this way for yourself, pretty much any reason you can think of to hang around is a good reason.

[1:15:54] There were times when I was younger when it was like, oh, I want to read that thing.

[1:15:59] And that was a good enough reason for me to keep going for a while.

[1:16:03] So you might be able to find just the smallest thing that you're interested in or that you don't want to miss out on and take advantage of that, you know.

[1:16:13] But the most important thing is to, is other people, you know, that's the only cure.

[1:16:20] And sorry for your loss, Blake.

[1:16:23] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:27] But now it's time for a neck-breaking change in tone.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:34] Thanks, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:35] As we move back to our regular goof-o-ups.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:38] As Dan brings us back to the emotional whiplash that the Flophouse is known for.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:42] This one is brought to you by Fart, last name withheld.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:46] And he says, I farted.

[1:16:50] I love your show.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:52] This is from Brian, last name withheld.

[1:16:54] Bless it.

[1:16:55] Who writes, hey, peaches.

[1:16:58] I've noticed that the 1996 Jim Carrey slash Matthew Broderick movie, The Cable Guy, seems to have earned itself a bit of a following these days,

[1:17:06] since it portrayed a, quote, darker Jim Carrey role, and for being part of Ben Stiller's and Judd Apatow's oeuvre,

[1:17:13] as well as featuring the before-there-well-known likes of Jack Black, Bob Odenkirk, David Cross, and Owen Wilson in supporting roles.

[1:17:21] This prompted me to re-watch it to see if my opinion has changed in favor of it.

[1:17:25] It has not.

[1:17:26] Considering the talent involved, I found it to be a pretty nondescript, annoying guy-makes-uptight-guys-a-living-hell scenario,

[1:17:33] which is one of my least favorite comedic devices, save for planes, trains, and automobiles, and maybe what about Bob?

[1:17:40] And the Flophouse.

[1:17:41] Sorry, that was uncalled for.

[1:17:42] Wait, what?

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:43] Hold on a second.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:45] I'll admit that the Janine Garofalo Medieval Times bit was funny,

[1:17:49] but I didn't really find enough in the film to warrant the cult classic status bestowed upon it.

[1:17:53] I feel like this guy meant to post this to his blog.

[1:17:57] No, no.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:57] He said he accidentally sent it to us.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:59] There's a question attached to it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:01] Am I right?

Dan McCoy

[1:18:02] But that's just me.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:05] Let's say you, Ari, colon, the cable guy.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:08] But that's just me.

[1:18:09] Can any of you think of a film that wasn't initially received favorably,

[1:18:13] but underwent a positive reassessment that you personally don't understand?

[1:18:18] Thanks.

[1:18:18] Brian, last name withheld.

[1:18:20] So he's asking about movies that originally were not received well,

[1:18:24] then went over a reassessment that you disagree with.

[1:18:27] That you disagree with.

[1:18:30] A couple of ones occur to me that I feel like people younger than us have,

[1:18:37] which is there's like this weird affection that people,

[1:18:40] and this is pure nostalgia, I assume, because nothing else accounts for it.

[1:18:46] Baby Legend of the Lost Dinosaur.

[1:18:48] People are like totally into Space Jam.

[1:18:51] But that's all ironic.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:53] No.

[1:18:54] And it's weird sex stuff with Lollabani, I think.

[1:18:57] People are into it.

Hallie Haglund

[1:18:57] People are seriously like...

[1:18:58] No, but it's all ironic.

[1:18:59] That's all ironic and nostalgic.

[1:19:01] Can it be either way?

[1:19:01] Can it be like something that was initially very critically acclaimed or like in your...

[1:19:06] It is not ironic.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:07] Well, I feel like the English patient is that, where like it was super critically acclaimed,

[1:19:11] and then suddenly everyone in America decided they hated it.

[1:19:14] And it's a fine movie.

[1:19:15] It's nothing amazing, but it's not a bad movie.

[1:19:18] But everyone decided it was garbage.

[1:19:20] Space Jam, people must like that the same way I like Saved by the Bell,

[1:19:23] where it's like, I know it's crap, but it's something I watched a lot as a kid.

[1:19:27] I have so much trouble leaving someone's like, this is an undiscovered classic.

[1:19:31] Space Jam.

[1:19:32] Right in.

[1:19:32] Prove me wrong, America.

[1:19:34] Prove me wrong.

Hallie Haglund

[1:19:35] But I think it's all emotional, you know.

[1:19:37] If you have a...

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:40] Yeah.

[1:19:40] I'm trying to...

[1:19:41] I mean, I can think of a lot of examples of things that were well-received initially

[1:19:46] and then now are hated on, like Forrest Gump, Shawshank Redemption.

[1:19:51] American Beauty.

[1:19:52] American Beauty, perfect example.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:54] But like what Hallie's saying about it, it's just emotional.

[1:19:57] It's the same reason my dad likes the Beatles.

[1:19:58] Like it's not good, but it's what he grew up with, you know.

[1:20:00] Ooh, wow.

[1:20:02] Not making friends with that one.

Hallie Haglund

[1:20:03] Very controversial.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:09] I definitely feel like this has happened before,

[1:20:11] where something has undergone a critical reassessment.

[1:20:14] I'm like, no.

[1:20:16] They were right the first time.

[1:20:17] This was terrible.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:18] I don't know.

[1:20:19] It's hard for me to...

[1:20:20] It's so much happens so much more often that something good goes under the radar.

[1:20:25] Everything from It's a Wonderful Life to Gremlins 2, you know,

[1:20:28] and then eventually is rediscovered in a way.

[1:20:31] I'm having trouble thinking of examples where something was hated

[1:20:34] and then people were like, no, it's good.

[1:20:37] And I mean, maybe like Goonies, which is a movie I've never liked,

[1:20:41] but my generation of kids...

[1:20:42] I liked it.

[1:20:43] ...liked it a lot.

[1:20:44] You don't like Goonies?

[1:20:45] I've never liked it, but when it came out, the critics hated Goonies.

[1:20:49] And I'm with the critics.

[1:20:50] I just don't like it very much.

[1:20:51] People can like it.

[1:20:52] I don't care.

[1:20:53] Goonies.

[1:20:57] There's stuff...

[1:20:58] This is one of those times where I wish Dan told us what was going to be

[1:21:01] in the letters ahead of time.

[1:21:02] Yeah, I'm sorry.

[1:21:03] Research it and prep.

[1:21:05] So I could prep my mise-en-plots.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:07] I mean, that's a good one to toss to our listening public.

[1:21:10] Yeah.

[1:21:11] Yeah.

[1:21:11] Write in.

Hallie Haglund

[1:21:12] Tell us...

[1:21:12] Put it on the Facebook page, right?

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:15] Write back in.

[1:21:15] Just write it in as an iTunes review, baby.

[1:21:19] Put five stars and then give us your explanation.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:22] No, that is good.

[1:21:23] Write back in.

[1:21:24] And we can revisit this maybe in a future episode where we've had time to think about it a little

[1:21:29] bit more because I do think that there are things that I feel this way about.

[1:21:34] Have wrongfully been brought back.

[1:21:36] Have wrongfully been reassessed.

[1:21:40] But to move on, this one is from Marcus' last name, Unknown.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:48] Whoa!

[1:21:50] He's just Marcus Aurelius or just like some spirit named Marcus?

Dan McCoy

[1:21:55] My mates and I saw you in D.C. last night.

[1:21:57] Thanks for bringing your zany humor to the nation's capital.

[1:22:00] Oh, I'm glad somebody saw that show since the recorder busted.

[1:22:04] I'm glad somebody correctly assessed us as being zany.

[1:22:08] I hope the warm reception leads to return trips.

[1:22:11] Oh, and on behalf of the city, I apologize for any adverse traffic you may have suffered.

[1:22:16] The question line was...

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:18] The only really traffic problem we had was when we tried to stop to use the bathroom at

[1:22:21] the NSA headquarters.

[1:22:23] And we couldn't quite...

Dan McCoy

[1:22:25] And we were detained for several hours.

[1:22:27] We couldn't quite find our way out of the traffic circle.

[1:22:30] The question line was pretty long.

[1:22:32] Otherwise, we would have asked, what movie villain, human, animal, robot, creature, food

[1:22:37] group, etc.

[1:22:39] Has characteristics that most mirror each of you.

[1:22:42] Now some individual shoutouts.

[1:22:44] Thank you, Elliot, for your all-around quirky brilliance.

[1:22:47] You seem like the Tony Stark of the group.

[1:22:49] Thank you, Stuart, for bringing in every man's sensibility to the group.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:53] You're the Jim Belusio.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:54] You're like, I don't know, the Thor of the group.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:57] Thor's not an every man.

[1:22:59] Yeah, yeah.

[1:22:59] He's like Jim Belusio.

[1:23:00] He's literally a god.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:01] And thank you, Dan, for creating this magical enterprise.

[1:23:04] That definitely makes you the Nick Fury of floppers.

[1:23:06] I could see that.

[1:23:07] You guys are awesome.

[1:23:08] Mark his last name unknown.

[1:23:10] So what would that make you, Hallie?

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:12] I don't know.

[1:23:12] Show up every once in a while.

[1:23:14] Just for the record.

[1:23:15] You know the Marvel, the MCU?

[1:23:16] Hawkeye?

[1:23:16] Yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[1:23:18] Sure.

[1:23:18] I don't know who any of these people are.

[1:23:20] So I guess that's a compliment.

[1:23:22] I guess she's the Agent Coulson of the group.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:25] Okay.

[1:23:25] Continue, Hallie.

[1:23:26] You were about to say something.

Hallie Haglund

[1:23:27] Oh, no.

[1:23:28] Go ahead.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:29] Okay.

[1:23:30] So what movie villain close, wait.

[1:23:35] What movie villain do we most closely resemble?

[1:23:39] Yeah.

[1:23:39] Is that right?

[1:23:41] I think so.

[1:23:41] That has characteristics like us.

[1:23:43] So you were already talking about Goonies, Elliot.

[1:23:46] So, yeah, you're like Mama Fratelli.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:49] I've heard that before.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:51] Yeah, I've heard that.

[1:23:53] Yeah, you're a penchant for hats and having bumbling brothers follow you around.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:59] And, Dan, you're very clearly the blob since you arrived to Earth in a meteor and killed

[1:24:04] a farmer almost instantly.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:11] Oh, God.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:13] Oh, wow.

[1:24:13] So that's two of us, Dan.

[1:24:14] Okay, we're halfway there.

[1:24:17] Yep.

[1:24:18] And, Stuart, I'd say you remind me a lot of Tim Curry in Legend because you love to laugh.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:25] I do, and so does he.

[1:24:27] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:28] Oh, also your red skin and enormous head horns.

[1:24:31] Yeah, yeah, that's great.

[1:24:33] As for Hallie, oh, it's got to be Kathy Bates in Misery because she loves a good book.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:39] I was going to say the car from Christine because you have headlights and you drink gasoline.

[1:24:43] I have headlights.

[1:24:45] You have lights.

Hallie Haglund

[1:24:48] My breasts are very small.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:54] That seemed like it was the beginning of a vagina monologue's type.

Hallie Haglund

[1:24:58] That's what one woman showed up.

[1:24:59] That was a weird lead-in.

[1:25:01] I didn't know how to respond to this.

[1:25:02] It's my fault.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:04] I think you just said headlights is like an absurdist thing.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:06] Like an absurdist thing, but yeah, I can see why it would be misconstrued.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:11] So Hallie being a girl and headlights being pretty common slang for breasts.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:14] I thought I was just using lager room talk, guys.

[1:25:18] So topical this episode.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:20] I know.

[1:25:21] It'll age poorly.

[1:25:22] Don't worry.

[1:25:24] Now clearly Dan is the Triffids from Day of the Triffids because he doesn't like to go into the ocean.

[1:25:29] Seawater dissolves him.

[1:25:31] I love the ocean.

[1:25:32] Oh.

[1:25:32] Then you're Ursula from Little Mermaid.

Hallie Haglund

[1:25:35] I'm Ursula from Little Mermaid.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:37] Oh, because you steal people's voices.

[1:25:39] And your legs are tentacles.

[1:25:40] And you have two eels that follow you around.

Hallie Haglund

[1:25:42] It's all about my body, Stuart.

[1:25:46] Hashtag relevance.

[1:25:48] Hashtag 2016.

[1:25:51] Hashtag pre-woman president.

[1:25:53] Hashtag you'll pay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:56] Hashtag I'm with her.

[1:25:57] Hashtag by her I mean Hallie.

[1:25:59] Hashtag.

[1:26:00] Death to all stewards.

[1:26:01] Check your privilege.

[1:26:04] Hashtag not all stewards.

Hallie Haglund

[1:26:09] But my legs are tentacles.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:13] This is too hard to answer.

[1:26:14] I feel like.

[1:26:16] All these questions are too hard.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:17] Oh, any kind of like.

[1:26:18] Didn't you choose all the questions?

[1:26:19] I did.

[1:26:20] Come on.

[1:26:20] You chose these letters.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:21] You brought this upon yourself.

[1:26:23] I imagine in your office there's a giant glass window that you have been using a marker

[1:26:28] to like write the answers to your questions down like you're a Sherlock Holmes type.

Hallie Haglund

[1:26:31] He has a Sherlock Holmes hat that he wears in his office.

[1:26:36] Yeah, when he's.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:36] I don't wear it.

[1:26:37] Because he's hunting around for the jokes.

[1:26:39] Yeah, you're stalking for deer.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:41] I just acquired it for a costume.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:44] I mean, for me, for villain, it's any sort of like nerdy or kind of irritating villain.

[1:26:50] What's the question?

Dan McCoy

[1:26:53] Like you're the guy from The Incredibles, for instance.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:58] Yeah, exactly.

[1:26:59] There you go.

[1:26:59] Syndrome.

[1:26:59] The Incredibles.

[1:27:00] Yeah.

[1:27:00] Look at what, Jason Lane?

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:01] I'm really obviously Chet from Weird Science.

[1:27:04] Oh, nice.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:05] Yeah, I can see that.

[1:27:06] Is there a depressed villain?

[1:27:08] Does that happen?

[1:27:10] Probably.

[1:27:11] Maybe I'm just like that guy from Civil War who's like, my family all died.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:19] Oh, Baron Zemo.

[1:27:20] Sure, yeah.

[1:27:20] Or Helmet Zemo, rather.

[1:27:22] Yeah.

[1:27:23] He seemed pretty depressed.

[1:27:24] He wasn't happy.

[1:27:25] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:27] So I hope that's good enough for you.

Hallie Haglund

[1:27:30] Wait, I have my answer.

[1:27:32] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:33] Hold on.

[1:27:34] Hallie's.

[1:27:35] Penny.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:36] Penny's not a villain.

[1:27:37] But that's who I am.

[1:27:39] Yeah, you are Penny, though.

[1:27:40] But are you Penny from Inspector Gadget or are you Penny from Pee-wee's Playhouse?

Hallie Haglund

[1:27:45] From Inspector Gadget.

[1:27:47] Which is a villain?

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:48] No, neither of them are villains.

Hallie Haglund

[1:27:50] Isn't Penny from Pee-wee's Playhouse like a chair or something?

[1:27:55] No.

[1:27:55] No, that's cherry, I know.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:57] There's a claymation girl with Penny's fries.

[1:27:59] She has adventures.

[1:28:00] Oh.

[1:28:01] I think you could be either of them.

[1:28:02] Yeah, I could see you being a...

Hallie Haglund

[1:28:04] Because I'm a generic girl in your imagination.

[1:28:08] Wow.

[1:28:10] If anything, you just...

Stuart Wellington

[1:28:11] Wow, you're really holding a mirror up to us tonight, Hallie.

Hallie Haglund

[1:28:13] Right?

[1:28:14] Hashtag first woman president.

[1:28:17] Hashtag I'm with her.

[1:28:19] Hashtag not all...

[1:28:21] Hashtag not her the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:22] Hashtag her the person.

Hallie Haglund

[1:28:24] Hashtag get out the vote.

[1:28:26] Hashtag rock the vote.

[1:28:28] Hashtag rock the vote.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:30] Hashtag sit down, you're rocking the vote.

[1:28:35] Hashtag don't sit down, lean in.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:39] Last letter of the evening.

[1:28:42] This is from Nick, last name withheld.

[1:28:44] Who writes...

[1:28:46] Gents, is there a level of gore, grossness, sadism, etc. in horror movies you can't slash won't tolerate?

[1:28:53] Stuart's already shaking his head no.

[1:28:55] The older I get, the less I'm interested in grim, relentless horror.

[1:28:59] I will never see martyrs for this reason.

[1:29:01] I also can't stand what I, very subjectively, define as more cynical, nasty horror films.

[1:29:06] And for that type, I probably topped out with The Devil's Rejects.

[1:29:10] I think we can all certainly agree that a Serbian film is a stupid, disgusting piece of shit that no one should watch.

[1:29:15] I've never even seen it, and I know I don't want to see it.

[1:29:17] Love to hear your thoughts.

[1:29:18] You're the best.

[1:29:19] Nick, last name withheld.

[1:29:20] PS, come to Philly.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:22] Yeah, you've made it seem real welcoming.

[1:29:24] Tell us about something you'll like sometime, Nick.

[1:29:26] I definitely have felt like there's a level of gore that I can no longer fully stomach.

[1:29:31] Like, yeah, like martyrs and some of the French horror films are a little too much for me at times.

[1:29:38] But a lot of times it depends on the context of the movie.

[1:29:41] Like, if there's a, if there's something I'm supposed to be getting out of it beyond just gore, then I can stomach it better than if it's just like nonstop people getting their skin flayed off and their eyes pulled out.

[1:29:53] But if it's really silly, if it's really silly, then I can totally, well, it's like he mentioned, he used the word nasty.

[1:29:59] Yeah.

[1:29:59] And it's like the fact that with the video nasties in England, like a bunch of those were like Evil Dead and things like that, that were not, they were kind of goofier movies.

[1:30:08] But now, if it's really gory and it's silly, then I can totally buy into it.

[1:30:15] Yeah.

[1:30:15] And if it's super serious, then it's like, I'm just seeing people getting hurt.

[1:30:19] I don't like that.

[1:30:19] Gore isn't the problem.

[1:30:20] It's nihilism.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:22] Like, what's the, Stuart, what's the home invasion English movie where everyone dies at the end, but it's supposed to, like it's well rated, but.

Hallie Haglund

[1:30:33] Is that the Naomi Watts one?

Dan McCoy

[1:30:35] Oh, not, not funny games.

[1:30:38] Although that's similar.

[1:30:40] Or like, was it Wolf Creek, that Australian movie?

[1:30:42] Straw Dogs.

[1:30:44] No, there, there's, there's a.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:47] Cold Flaw Dogs?

Dan McCoy

[1:30:49] A lot of these home invasion movies I don't like because like, it's just like the whole point of it is, you can, your life can fall apart at any time and you can be slaughtered in your own home and nothing can be done about it.

[1:31:04] And you're dead and that's it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:06] And it's, it's kind of like.

[1:31:09] If you end up dead, then the movie is certainly not satisfying.

Dan McCoy

[1:31:11] I mean, like my, I don't mind like gore in a movie if it's like a silly movie.

[1:31:17] Like, I love something that's gory if it's like just crazy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:21] Well, you mentioned like Dead Alive is a gory movie, but it's super silly.

Dan McCoy

[1:31:24] But if like the whole point of the movie is like, what's the point of life, then I don't like it.

[1:31:29] I mean, like, I like the kind of horror movie where it's, where.

[1:31:34] Where it's uplifting.

[1:31:34] The characters have gone through hell, but at the end, someone has survived and they're like, oh, there's light at the end of the tunnel.

[1:31:41] There's some sort of hope.

[1:31:42] Or if it at least ends with a joke, you know?

[1:31:44] Yeah, yeah, like a wink at the old camera.

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:46] Well, yeah, I mean, even.

[1:31:48] Yeah, I know.

[1:31:48] My old scratch shows up and just be like, sorry this time, mortals.

Dan McCoy

[1:31:51] I mean, you're right there, though, because, I mean, Return of the Living Dead ends with one of the more nihilistic endings in horror.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:58] Yeah, sure, they nuke the whole town.

[1:32:01] Spoiler alert, the movie's 30 years old.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:03] But it's still like, it's kind of a joke that they do that, so I'm okay with it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:07] Well, but that's a semi-satirical movie already.

[1:32:10] Like, it's not a nihilistic ending in terms of like, life is a grim pageant and then the lights go out.

[1:32:18] But it's nihilistic in terms of like, can't trust Uncle Sam, can't trust the military or the government.

[1:32:24] Yeah.

[1:32:24] It's cynical, but it's not nihilistic.

[1:32:27] But, yeah, sometimes some movies are there just to make it feel bad.

[1:32:31] And I like that sometimes, but not when it's like a gore movie.

[1:32:35] Like, a movie like Cries and Whispers, you feel bad at the end of it.

[1:32:38] But I like that movie a lot.

[1:32:40] But if it was like a super gory, bloody movie, I'd feel like, you're not making me feel bad because you're saying something about like human loneliness.

[1:32:47] You just make me feel bad because I'm seeing a bunch of people get cut up.

[1:32:50] Right.

[1:32:51] And not even cutting up Footloose.

[1:32:53] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:54] Everybody cut Footloose.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:55] And the song was because originally it was about Kevin Bacon was a serial killer who cut people's feet off.

[1:33:00] Yeah, yeah.

Hallie Haglund

[1:33:01] And that's why they outlawed dancing.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:03] Mm-hmm.

[1:33:04] Nobody can dance.

Hallie Haglund

[1:33:04] It's like everyone was dying.

[1:33:06] Everyone's losing their feet and bleeding to that.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:08] Everyone's like Carrie Elwes at the end of Saw.

[1:33:10] Mm-hmm.

[1:33:11] He had tap shoes, but instead of taps, they had blades on him, and he danced all over people until they died from stab wounds.

[1:33:16] That was Kevin Bacon?

[1:33:18] Yeah, it was still Kevin Bacon always.

[1:33:19] That's a pretty cool character.

[1:33:20] Yeah.

[1:33:21] And he was called Kevin Bacon in the original version of the movie, too.

[1:33:24] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:33:26] But what's a really gory movie you guys like?

[1:33:29] I know you liked Green Room a lot.

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:30] I like Green Room.

[1:33:31] But the thing about Green Room is that Saulnier used gore so sparsely and so effectively that the moments when they showed gore were super horrible, but it was relatively quick, and it left an impression, and it was used exactly for what it wanted to do, and then it was gone.

[1:33:52] It served a purpose.

[1:33:54] Mm-hmm.

[1:33:54] That makes sense.

Dan McCoy

[1:33:57] I mean, when it comes to really gory stuff, I just like splatter comedies pretty much.

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:04] Like Ricky O, Story of Ricky.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:06] Yeah, or the aforementioned Dead Alive.

[1:34:08] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:09] You guys have been talking about Hellraiser 2 for a while.

[1:34:12] It's been resurging with you guys.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:13] We have such a great movie to show you, Elliot.

[1:34:15] Oh, boy.

[1:34:17] It's a movie that starts with someone being flayed and only gets crazier.

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:20] Yeah, it literally feels like they just started the movie mid-scene.

[1:34:28] Like they just hit play on a VHS, and you're like, what the fuck is going on?

Dan McCoy

[1:34:34] Hellraiser 2.

[1:34:35] Recommend it.

[1:34:36] Which brings us to recommendations.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:38] Oh, that's why you're the best in the biz.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:39] I forgot that there was one more segment.

[1:34:42] Oh, that's why we were still talking for a long time.

[1:34:44] It's such a long episode.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:45] It's a long episode.

[1:34:46] It's longer than the movie of the show.

[1:34:48] It's so much longer than the movie.

[1:34:50] Dan, I know you don't like to go back and edit these episodes, but this one you might want to edit.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:55] So this is the point in the podcast where we recommend movies that you might want to watch instead of...

[1:35:02] The Lazarus Effect.

[1:35:03] The Lazarus Effect.

[1:35:04] And I'll go first.

[1:35:05] I've got a Shocktober recommendation.

[1:35:08] I saw a movie called V, and that's...

[1:35:11] That's V, like V the Final Battle?

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:14] V for Vendetta?

Dan McCoy

[1:35:15] No.

[1:35:16] It's pronounced V, but it's spelled V-I-Y.

[1:35:20] Oh, you're fucking with us.

[1:35:22] And it's a Russian movie from 1967.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:29] Whoa, what is...

[1:35:29] Am I the recommending movies all of a sudden?

Dan McCoy

[1:35:31] Yeah.

[1:35:32] An old foreign movie.

[1:35:33] It's a...

[1:35:34] This was the first horror movie, the first Soviet horror movie released.

[1:35:39] And I guess it was because they, you know, under the Soviet regime, they, like, couldn't...

[1:35:45] Like, there were restrictions on the film industry, but they got this one through because it was a, quote, folk tale.

[1:35:52] And it's based on a Gogol short story.

[1:35:54] Oh, yeah.

[1:35:55] And, uh...

[1:35:56] Gogol 13?

[1:35:57] It's about a...

[1:35:58] Yeah, that's right.

[1:36:00] I love...

[1:36:00] I love the Stuart wing.

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:02] That's so winked to me when you said that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:36:04] Like, oh, yeah, because I love it.

[1:36:05] I love it.

[1:36:06] You know what?

[1:36:07] I don't...

[1:36:07] As if I...

[1:36:08] Like a secret agent where, with, like, only most of his hairline is right at his eyebrows and he smokes parliaments.

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:14] I know the Russian author Nikolai Gogol's works so much better than I know Gogol 13.

[1:36:20] So it's like, you're like, this one's for you, Elliot.

[1:36:22] I'm like, no, you're taking me farther away from what I know.

Dan McCoy

[1:36:24] So, uh, the plot of it, in short, is that a...

[1:36:30] A priest is on break...

[1:36:32] Walks into a bar.

[1:36:33] He's on break from seminary.

[1:36:35] Uh, and he goes and he encounters a witch, an old crone.

[1:36:40] And, uh, she, you know, like, it's clear that she's a witch.

[1:36:45] She, like, rides him off into the sky and bedevils him and he beats her to death.

[1:36:50] And once she's dying, she turns back into this beautiful young girl.

[1:36:56] And, uh, the seminarian runs back home.

[1:36:59] And then he's told that he needs to go perform these last rites for a beautiful young girl.

[1:37:04] And this, this town.

[1:37:07] And, uh, of course it turns out to be the same witch.

[1:37:11] And she dies.

[1:37:12] And he has to speak these prayers over her three nights in a row.

[1:37:17] And each of the three nights have become successively more...

[1:37:24] It becomes successfully more...

[1:37:25] Successively more crazy what happens.

[1:37:28] Um, and for the first, like, 40 minutes of the movie...

[1:37:33] And the movie is, like, only, you know, about 70 minutes long.

[1:37:37] For the first 40 minutes of the movie, it's just like a Russian folktale.

[1:37:40] It's very restrained and, like, goofy and silly.

[1:37:43] And then as he's doing these, uh, nights where he's holding, uh, these prayers above...

[1:37:50] Over the, the dead body, uh, it becomes crazier and crazier.

[1:37:54] And the effects of it are kind of like hausu a little bit.

[1:37:59] Okay.

[1:37:59] There's these very handmade effects.

[1:38:02] And the energy of it is kind of like the original Evil Dead.

[1:38:05] It's got that very, uh, lo-fi but still intense, uh, horror effect, uh, quality to it.

[1:38:15] And there's actually...

[1:38:16] Even though it's, like, this 1967 goofy, um, horror movie, it has a certain, uh, just craziness to it that's actually disquieting.

[1:38:26] And I really enjoyed it.

[1:38:28] So, V, V-I-Y.

[1:38:30] Just, uh, watch that shit on Netflix or something?

Elliott Kalan

[1:38:33] Uh, it's on DVD.

[1:38:34] I bet it's probably on YouTube because it's a most film film.

[1:38:38] And most film at one point put, I think, all of their catalog on YouTube.

[1:38:42] So I don't know if it'll have subtitles, but it might be on YouTube.

[1:38:46] Allie, do you have a recommendation?

Hallie Haglund

[1:38:48] Yeah, I would just say, uh, I come here for Shocktober.

[1:38:53] Um, I feel like...

[1:38:55] Yeah?

[1:38:57] I feel like one time when I came here I recommended Witchboard, which was, like, an incredibly, uh,

[1:39:04] scary movie from my adolescence.

[1:39:07] Uh, and so I'm just gonna recommend we mentioned it before, but I will say Pet Sematary.

[1:39:11] That haunts me still.

[1:39:13] Yeah.

[1:39:14] Like, the whole, like, come on, doc, don't make me tell you twice.

[1:39:19] Yeah.

[1:39:20] And Zelda, the sister?

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:21] Zelda is fucking terrifying, dude.

[1:39:23] She's so scary.

Hallie Haglund

[1:39:24] Oh my god.

[1:39:25] Yeah.

[1:39:25] Cat?

[1:39:26] No, she's the sister.

[1:39:28] Spinal meningitis.

[1:39:28] Yeah.

[1:39:29] So, the point is, it's a really scary movie.

[1:39:34] I'm gonna watch it this Halloween season, but I'd encourage people to...

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:39] If you get scared to death, I will blame Pet Sematary, because that movie's terrifying.

Hallie Haglund

[1:39:44] It's really scared, right?

[1:39:45] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:46] So, if you watch it, it's like a ring situation, you die.

[1:39:49] Jason Robards is great in that movie.

[1:39:51] Yeah, it's great.

[1:39:53] It's so scary.

Hallie Haglund

[1:39:54] So, I'm recommending that.

[1:39:57] A fan...

[1:39:58] An old classic.

[1:40:00] A fan favorite, maybe?

[1:40:03] To be?

[1:40:04] Once you watch it, now that I suggested it?

[1:40:08] Okay.

[1:40:08] Well, enjoy.

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:10] I'm gonna recommend a movie I saw the other day.

[1:40:13] It's one of them shark attack movies called The Shallows.

[1:40:18] So, this is a movie called The Shallows.

[1:40:20] It is a trim, 86 minutes long, which is great.

[1:40:25] That's the perfect length.

[1:40:26] The Lazarus Effect, still perfectly short.

[1:40:28] Exactly.

[1:40:29] And it stars Blake Lively, whose career I was not familiar with before this feature film.

Hallie Haglund

[1:40:37] I'm sorry, I guess you never cared about pants that fit every sister.

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:42] I don't.

[1:40:43] I don't even know what that's a reference to.

Hallie Haglund

[1:40:46] The Sister of the Traveling Pants.

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:47] Oh, with Rory Gilmore in it, right?

[1:40:50] Yeah.

[1:40:51] Among others.

[1:40:53] Rory Calhoun.

Dan McCoy

[1:40:54] And Make America Great of Ian Ferrara is also in it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:58] So, Blake Lively is dealing with a family tragedy.

[1:41:07] So, she decides to go surfing at a remote cove, basically by herself.

[1:41:15] And in the process, runs afoul of an evil local shark.

[1:41:21] It makes it sound like she cut off the shark in traffic and the shark put a curse on her.

[1:41:27] Kind of, yeah.

[1:41:28] And so, she ends up getting attacked by the shark and has to fight for survival and either kill the shark or save herself.

[1:41:41] And it is...

[1:41:42] It seems like those are not necessarily two exclusive choices.

[1:41:46] I mean, maybe if she kills the shark, she'll lose a bit of herself in the process.

[1:41:51] It's like she'll lose her innocence.

[1:41:52] So, it's a movie that has a really narrow focus.

[1:41:57] And I think it's very successful for that.

[1:41:59] And it's a beautifully shot movie.

[1:42:02] And the...

[1:42:04] I mean, just the way that the filmmaker uses the natural beauty of the setting to also use that same beauty to become kind of terrifying and isolating.

[1:42:19] And it's nice and short and fun and pretty gory.

[1:42:24] And Blake Lively gives a pretty great performance.

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:28] A lively performance.

[1:42:29] Mm-hmm.

[1:42:33] I'm gonna recommend...

[1:42:34] I'm gonna recommend a movie that I saw today, earlier in the day that we're recording this.

[1:42:41] I had to see it today.

Stuart Wellington

[1:42:42] I said that movie you invited me to and I couldn't go because I had to work.

[1:42:45] And you couldn't go.

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:45] And the whole time I moaned about it.

[1:42:47] And unfortunately, this is the only week that it's playing in American theaters.

[1:42:50] So, after this is released, you're gonna have to watch it on Blu-ray, I guess.

[1:42:54] And that is Shin Godzilla, or Godzilla Resurgence.

[1:42:58] Which is the first new Toho Godzilla movie in a number of years since Godzilla Final Wars.

[1:43:03] Which I've talked about on the podcast before.

[1:43:05] And it is a reboot of the Godzilla series.

[1:43:09] But it treats...

[1:43:12] It does something really cool that I liked a lot.

[1:43:14] Which is, this is a Godzilla movie.

[1:43:16] Godzilla's stomping around, knocking over buildings, and getting missiles blasted.

[1:43:21] How does he look?

[1:43:23] I wasn't crazy about everything about the new Godzilla design.

[1:43:26] But I liked it.

[1:43:27] It won me over in a lot of ways by the end of it.

[1:43:30] And the first time you see him, it is in a...

[1:43:33] He looks not how you're gonna expect.

[1:43:35] And it was jarring.

[1:43:37] But I won't say too much more about that, because I don't want to spoil the plot.

[1:43:41] But it is...

[1:43:43] He's in a dress.

[1:43:44] And he's wearing a big hat with flowers on it.

[1:43:48] He's undercover.

[1:43:49] It's Godzilla as mini-pearl.

[1:43:51] Yep.

[1:43:51] But he...

[1:43:53] But the movie takes the tack that I've wanted to see in a movie for a while.

[1:43:56] Which is, if Godzilla attacks, what's it like from the point of view of the government that is running a country that has just been attacked by this thing?

[1:44:05] And no one quite understands how it is.

[1:44:07] So it's starting from...

[1:44:08] It's moment zero.

[1:44:09] No one's ever heard of Godzilla before.

[1:44:11] And they rush through what normally is like the first hour of a movie, which bothered me about the most recent American Godzilla, which is that...

[1:44:18] I know it's a Godzilla movie, dude.

[1:44:19] Like, don't take forever to get Godzilla up on screen.

[1:44:22] Like, I know what it...

[1:44:23] Don't do this stuff where you're pretending you don't know what it is.

[1:44:27] So they rush through that pretty quickly.

[1:44:29] And the movie, it's a little too long, but for the most part, it keeps up a very fast pace.

[1:44:33] And it is dealing with, what is Godzilla like from the point of view of, like, a public safety or public health crisis?

[1:44:39] And the bureaucracy in the Japanese government that makes it so hard for them to act quickly to stop this thing.

[1:44:45] And it's what's...

[1:44:48] It's just a really, like, fun movie.

[1:44:51] And maybe it's a weird thing to say because it's about government bureaucracy dealing with a large problem.

[1:44:56] But I had a lot of fun with it.

[1:44:58] But at the same time, it felt more meaningful than the last number of Godzilla movies.

[1:45:02] Because if the first movie was about Japan dealing with the aftereffects of the atomic bomb,

[1:45:08] this is very much about Japan dealing with the aftereffects of a series of natural and nuclear disasters that they've had.

[1:45:15] And finding the government not flexible enough to deal with them quickly.

[1:45:19] And so it's a movie about a monster that's attacking.

[1:45:22] But it's really a movie about the need for an agile government that is not too hidebound by hierarchy or by established protocol or by the need to jump through hoops to react to crises quickly.

[1:45:36] But there's a lot of...

[1:45:37] There's, like, good jokes in it at different points.

[1:45:39] And it's super tense.

[1:45:40] And it moves super fast.

[1:45:41] It's a little bit like if they did an episode of the West Wing where Godzilla was attacking.

[1:45:47] And there's almost no speeches.

[1:45:49] And you're fast forwarding through it.

[1:45:51] Because, like, the tempo of the thing is super fast.

[1:45:54] And they're throwing characters at you left and right.

[1:45:56] But it's like, you don't need to remember all these people.

[1:45:58] They just work in the government.

[1:45:59] It's okay.

[1:46:00] But I really enjoyed it a lot.

[1:46:01] I was really glad I got to see it in the theaters.

[1:46:03] Unfortunately, by the time this episode is out, there'll be almost no chances left to do that.

[1:46:07] But it's worth seeing on DVD when it comes out.

[1:46:11] Godzilla Resurgence or Shin Godzilla?

[1:46:14] Hey.

[1:46:15] Four great Shocktober recommendations.

[1:46:17] We all did it.

[1:46:18] Oh, wait.

[1:46:18] I'm going to say one thing about the Godzilla movie.

[1:46:20] Okay.

[1:46:20] Which is that just be ready for a character who's supposed to be an American but is very clearly being played by a Japanese actress to have one of the worst American accents you'll hear in a movie.

[1:46:32] And this character is supposed to be an American politician.

[1:46:34] And she is clearly struggling to speak English because she's a Japanese actress.

[1:46:39] You just have to suspend disbelief that this person is American.

[1:46:42] Okay.

[1:46:43] That's even better.

Stuart Wellington

[1:46:45] That's four Shocktober recommendations.

[1:46:47] If you're in New York and you're looking to do some Shocktoberan partying.

[1:46:53] Oh, yeah.

[1:46:53] On October 29th, there's going to be a MaxFun organized Shocktober party at my bar Hinterlands.

[1:47:01] It's a Saturday night.

[1:47:02] The Saturday before Halloween, there's going to be costumes and at least one MaxFun personality in attendance named Stuart.

[1:47:10] Playing in costume as some kind of drunk something.

[1:47:15] Some kind of drunk something.

Dan McCoy

[1:47:18] That was that Jonathan Demme movie, right?

[1:47:20] It's a sequel to Some Kind of Wonderful.

[1:47:21] Yeah.

[1:47:22] So just put Hinterlands into your phone machine and it'll Google up the address for you and you can Uber car it.

[1:47:37] Yep.

[1:47:37] Uber car it.

[1:47:38] Over there.

[1:47:38] Mm-hmm.

[1:47:39] Yep.

[1:47:39] Slower.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:41] Okay.

[1:47:42] Man, what a good episode.

Dan McCoy

[1:47:44] We really shook the pillars of heaven.

[1:47:47] Is that what you said?

[1:47:47] We shook the pillars of heaven with this one, guys.

[1:47:51] Hallie's ready to go home.

[1:47:52] She's already calling.

[1:47:52] Hallie's already Ubering.

[1:47:54] Okay.

[1:47:55] So thank you for listening.

[1:47:58] We got one more Shocktober episode coming up and it'll be a doozy.

[1:48:03] For the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[1:48:05] I've been Stuart Wellington.

[1:48:08] I'm still Elliot Kalin.

Hallie Haglund

[1:48:11] And I'm Hallie Hagelin.

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:14] Good night, everyone.

[1:48:19] Keep in line, everybody.

[1:48:20] No.

[1:48:22] Watch the light.

[1:48:24] Did Stuart bring a trumpet into the room?

[1:48:27] Is there a baby elephant in it?

Dan McCoy

[1:48:28] Check out fucking Tom Sawyer over here with his.

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:32] And this bandana hanger thing?

Dan McCoy

[1:48:34] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:35] Tom Sawyer famous for blowing his nose.

[1:48:40] Remember that when Tom Sawyer tricked all those kids into blowing his nose for him?

[1:48:44] And he told them it would be really fun.

[1:48:48] Then they all got sick.

Dan McCoy

[1:48:50] Yeah, because he had germs.

[1:48:52] MaximumFun.org.

[1:48:54] Comedy and culture.

[1:48:55] Artist owned.

[1:48:56] Listener supported.

Hallie Haglund

[1:48:58] Mugs, shirts, stickers, patches, tanks, and more are yours for the purchasing at maxfunstore.com.

[1:49:04] Hey, you already love the podcasts, so why not take this to the next level and outfit your home and bod with our merch?

[1:49:12] Maxfunstore.com.

[1:49:13] Because if you have to wear a shirt, it should be one of ours.

Ep. #215 - The Lazarus Effect

Chapters

Transcript

In this episode

Description