Ep. #216 - The Gallows

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we watched The Gallows.

Elliott Kalan

[0:04] The story of Vincent Gallo.

[0:09] Male model turned artiste and filmmaker.

Dan McCoy

[0:12] Turned fellatio receiver.

Elliott Kalan

[0:16] It's on his business card, yep.

[0:19] He's fellatio receiver for the Cleveland Browns.

[0:30] The Gallows.

[0:59] I'm Stuart Wellington on the Flophouse.

[1:02] Nice energy, Stu.

[1:03] And over here in the three spot, it's Elliot Kalin.

[1:08] Now, you may think, by the laws of context, Elliot just popped open a brewski.

[1:12] Incorrect.

[1:13] That was Stuart.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15] Yeah, can you just jump in there, Dan, and edit what I did, the sound effect, the Foley

[1:20] work I was doing?

[1:21] Just put that around to when I said something funny.

[1:23] Yeah, yeah, so the audience doesn't get confused because they're morons.

[1:26] And then just keep looping that in like as a stinger every time I make one of my classic

[1:31] jokes.

[1:31] Punctuate it.

[1:32] Punctuate it.

[1:32] Yeah.

[1:33] Layer it.

Dan McCoy

[1:34] And I'll lay in a laugh track every time you make one of your classic goof-em-ups.

Elliott Kalan

[1:37] Yeah.

[1:38] Yeah, please do.

[1:39] When Stuart enters, the audience should go, ooh, like he's Kelly Bundy.

[1:43] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:44] So if you guys...

[1:44] Ow!

[1:44] I mean, every time right before he enters, there should be a toilet flushing sound effect.

[1:49] Like he's Al Bundy.

[1:50] You know what?

[1:51] Let's just do Married with Children.

[1:52] Why not?

[1:53] It's been long enough.

[1:54] Okay.

[1:54] I call Nut Bud.

Stuart Wellington

[1:55] Okay.

[1:55] Oh, boy.

[1:56] Dan's Marcy Darcy, right?

[1:58] Oh, God.

Elliott Kalan

[2:01] Perfect casting.

[2:03] Perfect casting.

[2:04] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[2:05] What I like about it is it's gender blind, too.

[2:08] Sure, yeah.

[2:08] Come a long way, baby.

Elliott Kalan

[2:10] It's Virginia Slims.

[2:12] Yeah.

[2:13] Just like that new show, Gender Blind, gender is a cop and blind is a lawyer.

[2:18] They don't like each other, but they have to work together.

[2:20] Also, gender has all the genders, and blind is blind.

[2:24] Yeah.

[2:24] Those aren't their names.

Stuart Wellington

[2:25] Well, I can't tell if Elliot's pitch is offensive, but let me check.

[2:28] It's cop plus not a cop.

[2:29] It works.

[2:30] Okay.

[2:31] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[2:31] The math is there.

[2:32] Now, I want to apologize to the audience who may notice that my voice is not at its best.

[2:36] Uh-huh.

[2:36] I'm going to blame this on it being the nighttime.

[2:40] I've had a full day of talking.

Dan McCoy

[2:42] But Elliot, the nighttime is the right time to be with the one you love.

[2:46] Which is me.

[2:46] So why am I here with you guys?

Elliott Kalan

[2:48] I do love you guys.

[2:50] Genuinely.

[2:50] That was an honest thing.

[2:51] But my voice is ruined because my son is now obsessed with The Muppets.

[2:56] Jim Henson's The Muppets.

[2:57] A great thing to be obsessed with.

[2:59] Oh, Jim Henson's The Muppets.

[3:00] Yeah, yeah.

[3:01] Not John Woo's The Muppets.

[3:04] So many doves.

[3:05] Not William Shakespeare's The Muppets.

[3:08] Or Pasolini's The Muppets.

[3:11] And he wants me to do the voices all the time.

[3:14] And I do C.

[3:16] Let's hear them.

[3:16] I would say, yeah, with my voice all right.

[3:18] Let's start at the top.

[3:19] I think I do C plus level Muppet voices.

[3:22] But it turns out.

[3:23] Dr. Teeth sounds like.

[3:25] Dr. Teeth I've been struggling to capture.

[3:27] Because my son loves him.

[3:28] This is the question I get every day from my son.

[3:31] Daddy.

[3:33] Daddy.

[3:34] Daddy.

[3:35] Oh, Daddy.

[3:35] He pronounces it this.

[3:36] He goes, yeah, because he's Irish.

[3:38] He always says, Daddy.

[3:39] He goes, Daddy, who are the guys in the band?

[3:42] What's the name of the guys in the band?

[3:44] And you're like, Emmett Otter.

[3:45] Well, that's a different band.

[3:47] That's the Jug Band.

[3:48] Well, what about Riverbottom Nightmare Band?

[3:50] Name those guys.

[3:51] He's only interested in the electric mayhem.

[3:52] Oh, okay.

[3:53] I say, Dr. Teeth.

[3:54] There's Janice.

[3:55] There's Animal.

[3:56] There's Zoot.

[3:56] There's Floyd.

[3:57] And eventually Lips, who plays trumpet.

[4:00] He goes, I like Dr. Teeth and Animal.

[4:04] Okay, that's great.

[4:06] Daddy, which is the orange guy?

[4:10] Janice, I guess?

[4:12] What about the red guy?

[4:14] That's Animal.

[4:15] What color is Dr. Teeth?

[4:17] I honestly cannot remember.

[4:20] I think he's multicolored.

[4:21] Yeah, yeah.

[4:22] You look at him and your brain can't process.

[4:24] You'd think I'd look at him and memorize the answer, because he keeps asking me.

[4:28] He always goes, Daddy, in the great Muppet Caper, sing the bus song.

[4:32] Because there's a song that Dr. Teeth and the Electro Man sing the bus, it's called Nightlife.

[4:36] And it has lyrics that are impossible to remember.

[4:39] And it's like, give me my friends and give me my music.

[4:43] Nightlife.

[4:43] And he wants to sing it all the time.

[4:45] It is maybe the least memorable of all the Muppet songs.

[4:48] It's his favorite.

[4:50] Now.

[4:50] But that's all to say that my voice is not at its best, because I've been trying to do Muppet voices.

Dan McCoy

[4:55] Did Joe Raposo do the songs for Great Muppet Caper?

[4:59] I know that Paul Williams did it for the first.

[5:03] I don't know.

[5:03] I'll just, I'll just, Dan, it's time to look this up, because it's all about the gallows.

Elliott Kalan

[5:08] So, Stuart, what do we do on this podcast, usually?

Stuart Wellington

[5:11] So, Elliot, normally what we do is we go onto our streaming video device.

[5:17] We pick up our clicker.

[5:20] That's what kids use nowadays, to use their streaming video.

[5:23] And we pick a movie, usually one that's either a critical or financially unsuccessful movie.

Elliott Kalan

[5:29] Now, today was just a critically unsuccessful movie, and then what do we talk about?

Stuart Wellington

[5:33] Uh, wait.

[5:34] How much money did this movie make, Elliot?

Elliott Kalan

[5:35] According to Wikipedia, this movie had a $100,000 budget.

[5:39] It made all of the money.

[5:40] And made $43 million.

[5:41] Holy fucking shit.

[5:42] That's a lot of money.

[5:43] What are we doing with our time?

[5:45] We should be making that shitty movie.

[5:47] How much do they spend on that?

[5:48] It says $100,000.

[5:50] I opened a bar that cost way more than that.

[5:52] And.

[5:53] Why didn't I do this?

Stuart Wellington

[5:54] Have you made $43 million?

[5:56] I actually have made $42 million.

[5:59] So, I guess I'm.

Elliott Kalan

[6:00] Yeah.

[6:00] So close.

[6:01] Yeah.

[6:02] But with the profit margin factored in, you're doing way worse.

[6:05] Yeah.

[6:06] Than the makers of The Gallows.

Stuart Wellington

[6:08] Uh-huh.

[6:08] Uh.

[6:09] Okay.

[6:09] Well, I guess I am less successful than The Gallows.

[6:12] So, normally we watch a shitty movie.

[6:14] Let's stop the goofs.

[6:15] Enough running bits here, guys.

[6:17] Yeah.

[6:18] Let's get down to brass tacks.

[6:19] Do we have a chance of Shocktober?

[6:21] What's Shocktober, Dan?

[6:22] It's October, but more shocking.

[6:24] Okay.

[6:25] So, it's the spookiest month.

[6:26] It's the spookiest month.

Dan McCoy

[6:27] Now, why October?

[6:27] Why is that the spooky month?

[6:29] Uh.

[6:30] Because it's almost the election.

Elliott Kalan

[6:33] Oh.

[6:34] And what's scarier than this campaign?

[6:36] Am I right?

[6:36] Yeah.

[6:37] I sounded like Kate McKinnon there.

[6:38] Anyway.

[6:39] So, uh.

Dan McCoy

[6:40] I think you're being a little charitable to yourself.

Elliott Kalan

[6:42] Look, you should give my Muppet impressions.

[6:43] They're also way off model.

Dan McCoy

[6:45] Uh.

[6:46] It's-a me.

[6:47] Kermit the Frog.

Elliott Kalan

[6:48] Oh, wow.

[6:49] Ba-da-ba-da-ba-da.

[6:50] I'm a frog.

[6:51] Da-da-da-da.

[6:52] Uh.

[6:52] So, Dan, here's the thing about October.

[6:56] Why does the whole month have to be spooky when the last day is the spooky day?

[7:01] It's not fair to the rest of the month.

[7:02] That holiday creep.

[7:03] That it gets dragged down.

Stuart Wellington

[7:05] Holiday creep is the name of my next movie.

Elliott Kalan

[7:08] Holiday creep is the guy who hangs all those doll heads around his house and is like,

[7:12] it's Halloween.

[7:13] It's Halloween.

[7:14] Mm.

[7:14] And it's got that song.

[7:15] Holiday creep.

Stuart Wellington

[7:20] I thought you were going to go with the, I'm a holiday creep.

[7:23] I'm a holiday creep and I'm stoned.

[7:26] No, no.

[7:26] Like this.

Elliott Kalan

[7:26] Holiday creep.

[7:28] Yeah.

[7:29] Holiday creep in on the down low.

[7:31] That's the one.

[7:33] All right.

[7:34] TLC.

[7:34] Oh, okay.

[7:35] Thank you.

[7:37] So, yeah.

[7:37] It wasn't TLC.

[7:38] It was somebody.

[7:39] Yeah, it's TLC.

[7:40] TLC, the learning channel.

Dan McCoy

[7:41] This is the time of the year where we watch scary movies.

Elliott Kalan

[7:44] Yep.

[7:44] As opposed to the other times of year when we also watch scary movies.

[7:48] Mm-hmm.

[7:49] Or Nicholas Cage.

Dan McCoy

[7:49] Much less than we used to now that we have a whole month devoted to it.

[7:53] And we had a special three-peat Shocktober this month.

[7:56] Now, so recap for us.

[7:57] I hope that's enough for you vultures.

[7:59] Wow.

[8:00] You vultures.

[8:01] Yep.

[8:02] You're insatiable thirst for content.

Elliott Kalan

[8:04] Dan, what were the last two movies we watched?

[8:06] We watched, what, Victor Frankenstein?

[8:07] Mm-hmm.

[8:07] And what was the middle one?

[8:08] And we watched The Lazarus Effect.

Stuart Wellington

[8:11] So, I was really hoping.

[8:13] That pronunciation sounds right.

[8:15] Somebody on our Facebook group, whose name I have forgotten, pointed out that we—

[8:21] Because you're a pre-Madonna superstar.

[8:23] Yeah, that the past two movies we watched both deal with the negative side effects of a university shutting down a science project.

[8:32] Yeah.

[8:32] So, I was hoping we were going to go three for three on this one.

[8:35] No, but alas.

[8:36] Not really.

[8:37] It does take place in a school, though.

Elliott Kalan

[8:38] This is a movie about a school making a poor choice in its drama department.

[8:43] Yeah, yeah.

[8:43] So, I guess it's very similar.

[8:44] So, let's talk about the plot briefly, because it's a very brief plot.

[8:47] It's a short movie.

[8:48] It's a tight—actually, it's a very flabby 82 minutes.

[8:51] Yeah.

[8:52] But, here we go.

[8:54] We're at a school.

[8:55] Okay.

[8:55] We open—

[8:56] Scary already.

[8:57] Smash cut.

[8:58] Back in school.

[8:59] It's America, 21st century.

[9:00] Actually, it's not true.

[9:01] 1993.

[9:02] We open.

[9:03] It's 1993.

[9:04] Jurassic Park had just come out, taking the world by storm.

Stuart Wellington

[9:07] Now, people are—

[9:08] A storm of dinosaurs.

Elliott Kalan

[9:09] They called it the Dino Storm.

[9:11] And it was prophesied to come return in 60 years.

[9:15] The year is 2053.

[9:17] Okay.

[9:17] And a hurricane of raptors is sweeping down on New York City.

[9:21] There's no one who can save them.

[9:23] No one except the commando, Arnold Schwarzenegger.

[9:26] Oh, wow.

[9:27] Okay.

[9:27] Not himself, but his character from Commando, John Matrix.

[9:31] Yeah, yeah.

[9:31] And he's out of retirement.

[9:33] Now, in this reality, John Matrix also became governor of California.

[9:37] Mm-hmm.

[9:37] And it was weird, because he was the first covert black ops CIA-type mercenary to become a governor

[9:43] of a major state.

[9:44] It happened in Rhode Island.

Stuart Wellington

[9:45] And I would think that his past association with his buddy Bennett, who had a penchant for

[9:50] wearing sleeveless chainmail shirts—

[9:52] Chainmail undershirts.

[9:53] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[9:54] No, here's the thing.

[9:55] The same quippability that served him so well in Commando, the classic, don't wake my friend,

[10:01] he's dead tired, Bennett let off some steam, it really served him well in the campaign,

[10:06] especially in the debates.

Dan McCoy

[10:07] Now, I got a question.

[10:09] Mm-hmm.

[10:09] In Commando, was he going Commando?

[10:12] I wanted to know this for you.

Elliott Kalan

[10:13] We can only assume, because there's no underwear yet made to contain a man of Arnold Schwarzenegger's

[10:17] size.

[10:18] Yeah.

[10:18] He's an enormous bear of a man, because he's half bear.

[10:21] He's got an enormous bear penis of a man.

[10:25] Uh, well—

Stuart Wellington

[10:26] So wait, it's defended by some guard hairs?

[10:29] Guard hairs?

[10:29] Yeah, bears have these guard hairs around the base of their genitalia.

[10:34] Oh.

[10:35] Yeah, yeah.

[10:35] That's why I don't have sex with bears.

[10:36] Yes.

[10:37] So if you go grabbing wieners, the guard hairs will poke your hand like a porcupine.

[10:41] Oh, wow.

Elliott Kalan

[10:42] Now, are bears—are they—is that big a problem for bears, that someone's going to try to steal

[10:46] their penis?

[10:47] Oh, my God.

Stuart Wellington

[10:47] It was, until thanks to Charles Darwin, he evolved a little bit.

[10:55] Yeah, they hired him to do it.

[10:56] Yeah, yeah.

[10:57] He's down there stiffening their hair using fucking pig fat or something.

Elliott Kalan

[11:01] I like to believe he's like an evolutionary detective, and a bear walked into his office.

[11:07] Mr. Darwin.

[11:08] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[11:09] That bear's legs went all—

[11:10] Yeah.

[11:12] That bear's legs went all the way to the salmon stream.

[11:15] And the bear, it was like, my husband's penis has been stolen.

[11:19] This is a problem for all bears.

[11:21] Well, I can see what I can do, honey.

[11:23] Mrs. Berenstain.

[11:25] Mrs. Berenstain.

[11:26] Yeah, Mrs. Berenstain walked in wearing her sexiest hair cap and blue house dress.

[11:33] That's another thing my son's really into these days, is the Berenstain bears.

[11:36] Sure.

[11:38] No Girls Allowed is a personal favorite.

[11:40] That is a good one.

[11:40] I like the spooky old tree.

Dan McCoy

[11:42] Okay.

[11:42] I'm not familiar with it, but I like the sounds of it.

[11:45] It's kind of like the Ernest Scared Stupid of Berenstain Bears books.

Elliott Kalan

[11:49] Yeah, yeah, it is that, exactly.

[11:51] That's a one-to-one correlation.

[11:54] So, the year is 1993.

[11:56] We're watching found footage because, hey—

[11:58] Snap bracelets are sweeping the nation.

[11:59] Would you just let me say one damn thing about what happens in this movie?

Stuart Wellington

[12:05] You stupid—

[12:06] Okay, the year is 1993.

[12:08] Bill Clinton just entered office.

[12:09] I spent that summer playing soccer with my buddy Misha.

[12:12] Who had a really cool rat tail.

Elliott Kalan

[12:15] Okay, the year was 1993.

[12:16] Misha's rat tail was sweeping the nation.

[12:18] Everyone was catching soccer with Stuart's friend fever.

[12:21] There was no known cure.

[12:23] Thousands died.

[12:24] So, the year is 1993.

[12:26] We know that because it's in the corner of this camcorder screen we're looking through.

[12:29] Yeah.

[12:29] It's a high school play, something set in colonial times or perhaps, you know, the revolutionary era.

[12:36] Yeah.

[12:37] And it's supposed to end with someone either being hanged at the gallows or escaping it.

[12:42] We don't know because something goes wrong and the student is actually hanged during the play.

Stuart Wellington

[12:47] So, you guys know drama a little bit better than me, right?

[12:50] Like TNT, we know drama.

[12:51] Not as well as TNT, but yeah, sure.

[12:53] The closer.

[12:54] So, the play The Gallows.

[12:56] Uh-huh.

[12:56] What's the deal there?

[12:57] Is that a popular play?

Elliott Kalan

[12:59] As far as I know, that is not a play that exists.

[13:01] It appears to be a not real play, although I could be wrong.

[13:04] It looks like it's kind of supposed to be like a Scarlet or Crucible colonial era play.

[13:09] Yeah, colonial Williamsburg.

[13:10] Yeah.

[13:11] It's just like that part of Williamsburg in Brooklyn that's all colonial.

[13:14] And I guess what the climax of the play.

[13:15] You can't ride your bicycle through it.

[13:17] The climax of the play involves somebody.

[13:19] They're like, due to the spell that was cast on this part of Brooklyn, only things from the colonial era could exist.

[13:25] Your bicycle is now a horse.

[13:27] It's like that old Wonder Woman comic where Wonder Man's a different character.

[13:32] Yeah, yeah.

[13:32] He lived in Hollywood.

[13:33] He was a big star.

[13:33] He was a huge star.

[13:35] The Wonder Woman comic where she goes back in time with her boyfriend and he tries to shoot a dinosaur and his gun doesn't work.

[13:40] And he's like, oh, that's right.

[13:42] We're millions of years before the gun was invented.

[13:45] As if that's how things worked.

Dan McCoy

[13:48] He still had the gun, but it just didn't work.

[13:50] Because gun.

Stuart Wellington

[13:51] Yeah, no, I get it.

[13:52] The way to use gun.

[13:53] You've seen Terminator, right, dude?

[13:55] You can't bring that back in time.

Elliott Kalan

[13:57] Okay.

[13:58] Yeah, they were all naked, too.

[13:59] But anyway, so it's one of these plays that's set in colonial time.

[14:03] Probably it's a metaphor for something that was going on in the politics when the play was written.

[14:08] McCarthyism, the Depression.

[14:11] Who knows?

[14:12] Anyway, this kid is killed.

[14:14] Uh-oh, it's a tragedy.

[14:16] 20 years later.

[14:17] Same high school.

[14:18] Not to belittle it, but it was fictional.

[14:20] I don't have to pretend I'm moved by it.

[14:22] Yeah.

[14:23] 20 years later, especially because that kid turned out to be.

Stuart Wellington

[14:25] My favorite thing is in this opening, clearly some parents are supposed to be filming.

[14:31] We see the action.

[14:32] Proud parents.

[14:32] Proud parents are filming the thing.

[14:34] And one of the parents whispers to the other parent, great job on the gallows.

[14:38] And I swear somebody was talking to the director.

Elliott Kalan

[14:41] You know they weren't because they did not do a great job on the gallows.

[14:44] Yeah.

[14:46] 20 years later, the school is going to put on the same play.

[14:49] The school has never really escaped the shadow of that event.

[14:51] In fact, they have an exhibit case in the hallway about the play and the death.

Dan McCoy

[14:57] Yeah, I don't understand why any school.

[14:59] Like it's a trophy.

[15:00] Like it's a trophy set up.

[15:01] I don't understand why any school, after a child died in the doing of this play, would

[15:08] decide to put on a revival of self-same play 20 years later.

[15:12] Unless it was some sort of radical therapy that some psychologist had prescribed to the

[15:18] school.

[15:18] Some skateboard riding therapist.

Elliott Kalan

[15:21] Yeah, yeah.

[15:21] I was going to say, there's some, like they brought in a Viennese institutional therapist

[15:26] like, ah, clearly we must explore the trauma and conquer the trauma.

[15:31] Put on the play, kill another student.

[15:36] Choose whichever one you want.

[15:38] It will be funny this time because what happens first is tragedy, repeats itself as comedy.

Stuart Wellington

[15:43] So I know the listeners at home are probably thinking.

[15:46] Why am I listening to this?

[15:48] They're thinking, oh great, another kid's going to die and then I'll flash forward 20 years

[15:52] like Elliot said while we were watching.

[15:53] Yeah, thanks for stealing my bits, dude.

Elliott Kalan

[15:56] I was saying I thought it would be great.

[15:58] It was if they put on the play, another kid dies, skip ahead to the year 2033.

[16:03] Yep.

[16:04] And suddenly, uh-oh.

[16:06] Bill and Ted have united the cosmos with their amazing music.

[16:09] Yes, Wild Stallions has brought peace to the galaxy.

Stuart Wellington

[16:12] The thing is that destiny cannot be averted.

[16:15] It's too busy turning on the radio.

[16:17] Yeah.

[16:17] They have to put the play on again.

[16:19] Another kid dies.

[16:20] Flash forward even further.

[16:22] Now, some tragedy has struck.

Elliott Kalan

[16:24] Well, at this point, yeah, the civilization has been destroyed and the only link they have left

[16:30] is this rite that occurs every 20 years when one of the young people of the tribe is picked and killed,

[16:36] reenacting the scene.

[16:37] It's become a part of the common myth of this new barbaric era.

Stuart Wellington

[16:41] Yeah, yeah.

[16:42] It's to appease the great fiery god in the sky who plunged hot death upon them.

[16:47] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[16:48] And yet they need him, but he disappears every night.

[16:51] Mm-hmm.

[16:52] And then for much longer in the winter.

[16:54] Mm-hmm.

[16:55] And then, but in the summer, he's there around too much.

[16:57] Yeah.

[16:57] And everyone's like, ah, I wish the winter was here.

[16:59] It's so hot.

[17:00] And then when winter comes up, they're like, oh, what's summer happening?

[17:03] It's too cold.

[17:04] Yeah.

[17:05] And that god's name is Sunny D.

[17:09] Because during the apocalypse, Chuck D merged with the sun on a spiritual level.

[17:17] Yeah.

[17:18] Now.

[17:18] Except he sounds like Tone Loke, because I have a better idea of what Tone Loke's voice

[17:22] sounds like in my head than Chuck D.

[17:24] Sure.

[17:25] I, now I don't know.

[17:26] He's always singing Tone Loke's song from Fern Gully.

[17:28] Yep.

[17:31] Tone Loke.

[17:32] And when he disappears.

[17:33] Yeah, welcome to the food chain or whatever it's called.

[17:35] Okay.

[17:36] I like how, uh, I'm gonna eat somebody, something like that.

[17:39] I'm gonna eat somebody.

[17:41] He's not, it's not an Italian stereotype.

[17:43] I'm gonna eat somebody.

Stuart Wellington

[17:46] Tone Loke, popular Italian rapster?

[17:50] Tony Loke.

Elliott Kalan

[17:51] Yeah.

[17:52] It's, it's, uh.

[17:53] It's Anthony to his family.

[17:55] Anthony Loke.

[17:57] So, it's 20 years later.

[17:59] They're putting on the play.

[18:00] It's found footage.

Dan McCoy

[18:01] Now, yeah, that's the thing.

Elliott Kalan

[18:02] Let me say something about the plot of this movie.

Dan McCoy

[18:05] Have we made it?

[18:06] I just wanted to make sure that we had made it clear that this is a found footage movie.

[18:09] The best kind of horror movie.

Elliott Kalan

[18:11] It's a found footage movie, which is a cheap way to make a movie.

[18:14] And because you don't need good cameras, you don't need to even have your actors on screen

[18:19] for a lot of it.

[18:19] Anytime it needs to be scary, you just turn off the lights and shake the camera around so

[18:23] you can't see anything.

[18:24] If you need to cut between scenes, you just put up some digitizing effects like the camera

[18:28] broke for a little bit and then it comes back.

Stuart Wellington

[18:32] It's a movie made in the editing room.

[18:34] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[18:35] Unlike most movies.

[18:37] Mm-hmm.

[18:37] Which are made in a deli.

[18:39] Yeah.

[18:40] Made on a runway at a busy airport.

[18:42] Sure.

[18:43] Now you're derailing yourself.

Stuart Wellington

[18:43] Nowadays, Elliot, with the way technology's advancing, you know, I was watching Black Mirror

[18:49] the other day.

Elliott Kalan

[18:50] Oh, God.

[18:50] He's all about the Black Mirror these days.

[18:52] God in heaven.

[18:54] So, they're going to put on the same play.

[18:57] The lead actor in the play used to be on the football team.

[18:59] He doesn't want to be a football player anymore.

[19:00] Now he's the lead actor in the play.

[19:02] He has a crush on the lead actress in the play who's a drama geek, but she's actually

[19:06] just a beautiful girl.

[19:07] Mm-hmm.

[19:08] His old friend who is still on the football team.

[19:11] He's the one filming everything.

[19:12] He's the one.

[19:12] He's the T.J. Miller of the group who's always filming everything and is obnoxious.

Stuart Wellington

[19:16] Yeah, he's a voracious cinephile.

Elliott Kalan

[19:18] Yeah.

[19:18] And he is dating a cheerleader and they decide they're mad that their friend is doing this

[19:24] stupid play.

[19:25] They hate the play.

[19:26] They hate that drama club is required class, so they have to be on the stage crew.

[19:30] There's a whole unnecessary red herring subplot where he's bullying the stage manager who's

[19:35] a nerdy kid and then the stage manager pulls a prank on him and he wants to get revenge.

[19:40] And it's not even a good prank.

[19:42] And what this, no, it just means he fell down.

Stuart Wellington

[19:43] That's what makes me so mad is they just trick him to like fall over.

[19:46] Yeah.

[19:47] They don't trick him to have his like wiener fall out or something.

Elliott Kalan

[19:50] All his wieners with you.

[19:52] How was...

[19:53] Fall out.

[19:54] Like it fell out of his face onto the ground.

[19:57] He's like...

[19:58] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[19:59] He's leaning down to grab and he keeps kicking around in the dirt.

[20:02] That'd be a great prank.

[20:04] Tell me you wouldn't think that's a great prank.

Elliott Kalan

[20:06] Yeah.

[20:06] It's like when Vivian's head comes off in Young Ones and he's kicking it by accident.

[20:12] That's such a great prank.

[20:15] To have a body part fall off and then he just can't pick it up because he's so clumsy now.

[20:20] Oh, man.

[20:20] Because what?

[20:20] Without his penis, he's not balanced properly.

Stuart Wellington

[20:24] Well, it just goes to show you that football players are all brawn and no brains, you know?

[20:29] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[20:29] Dan knows what I'm talking about.

[20:30] Now, here's the thing about this character and it's something I've said before in my controversial

[20:34] statement that objectively, Groucho Marx and the Marx Brothers are not that different from

[20:39] any Adam Sandler character in that they're people who go and bother other people for no reason

[20:44] whatsoever.

[20:45] This guy is showing us.

Dan McCoy

[20:47] I mean, you're boiling it down to the most basic essence of like, you might as well be

[20:53] like.

[20:53] It's called first principles, Dan.

[20:55] You might as well be like, I don't know, Humphrey Bogart and Adam Sandler are basically the

[20:59] same person because they're light captured on celluloid.

Elliott Kalan

[21:03] That is a straw man argument, Dan.

[21:05] Daniel.

[21:06] Daniel.

[21:06] Yeah, it's a strong man argument.

[21:08] No, that's.

[21:10] It's a strawed man argument.

[21:12] Speaking of straw, rope is made out of it.

[21:14] There's a lot of ropes in this movie.

[21:15] But what this movie shows us is that your Ferris Bueller's, your Stiles's from Teen Wolf,

[21:20] these characters are.

[21:22] Asshole.

[21:23] Your Van Wilders.

[21:24] If you were encountering one of these guys who plays by his own rules and pretends he's

[21:28] super cool, he'd be a total dick.

[21:31] You would hate him.

[21:32] Stiles is objectively a dick.

Stuart Wellington

[21:34] The character that's always filming everything is like, what would happen if a mad scientist

[21:39] took a VHS copy of a bunch of episodes of the Jamie Kennedy experiment?

[21:46] And he did some.

[21:46] Jamie Kennedy, the one where he's a can?

[21:48] Nice.

[21:49] Finally.

Elliott Kalan

[21:50] Oh no.

[21:52] I've become the Dan.

[21:53] The warmest turn.

[21:54] Now you are the.

[21:55] Who's the Dan now, dog?

[21:57] That should be you're the Dan now.

Stuart Wellington

[21:59] I was going somewhere with a joke where a mad scientist made a living boy out of Jamie

[22:03] Kennedy experiments VHS tapes.

[22:05] Because that's basically the level of likeability this has.

[22:08] Was that what the Jamie Kennedy experiment was?

Elliott Kalan

[22:09] The experiment was to make a living Jamie Kennedy?

Stuart Wellington

[22:12] I didn't watch that shit.

[22:13] Maybe.

Elliott Kalan

[22:14] And threw a little Malibu's Most Wanted in there.

[22:17] Yeah.

[22:17] Why not?

[22:18] He's a real jackass.

[22:20] But we're supposed to want him to die because it's a horror movie.

[22:22] He's one of these obnoxious teens.

[22:23] We want to get killed.

[22:25] He says, hey, you know what would be a hilarious prank?

[22:28] Let's get our revenge.

[22:29] And I'm going to rope in my friend who's the star of the show.

[22:32] He has a crush on this girl I don't like.

[22:34] He's not a good actor.

[22:35] So I'm going to tell him, hey, if you go into that play, you're going to embarrass yourself.

[22:39] And that girl, Pfeiffer, that you've got a crush on is going to hate you.

[22:43] So, and nobody wants to be in this play.

[22:45] I walked in on your dad telling you not to be in the play to go back to the football team.

[22:49] Let's go to the school in the middle of the night.

[22:51] I found a door that never was – the lock doesn't work.

[22:55] Let's break in in the middle of the night and wreck the set.

[22:58] And that way they can never perform the play.

[23:01] Because obviously this guy has never seen Our Town, a play with no set that's brilliant.

[23:07] Thank you.

[23:08] He's never seen Dogville, a movie without a set.

[23:12] Yeah.

[23:12] But then –

[23:13] Go on.

[23:14] And then you –

[23:15] He just meant we wanted to be a director of again.

Stuart Wellington

[23:18] So his dad – you mentioned his dad.

[23:20] His dad, Rick Houser.

[23:22] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[23:22] His name – this kid's name is Reese Houser.

[23:25] Uh-huh.

Stuart Wellington

[23:25] Which is not a name.

[23:27] Mm-hmm.

[23:28] Cole Houser, that's a name.

[23:29] Now that's a name.

[23:30] Yeah, it's a good red-blooded American movie star name.

[23:33] Yeah.

[23:34] So his dad doesn't want him to be in this play.

[23:36] His dad also looks like he's like five years older than him.

Elliott Kalan

[23:39] Yeah.

[23:40] Well, all the kids in this movie look a little too old to be high school kids.

[23:43] That's just the way of actors in movies, too.

[23:45] Yeah, I guess you're right.

Stuart Wellington

[23:46] Well, that's something to think about.

[23:48] So –

[23:48] So for some reason –

[23:51] Put that in a thought bank.

[23:52] Yeah, so for some reason he's convinced to do – it's the thinnest level of reasoning.

[23:56] Yeah, well, this is one of many things.

[23:57] It's not the brightest bulb in the haunted school.

Dan McCoy

[24:00] Okay.

[24:00] This is one of many things that don't make sense.

[24:03] Manny, the kid from Modern Family.

[24:04] In this movie, which is that I don't understand how the guy is convinced to do this.

[24:11] Like, he's in love with this girl who is his co-star in the play.

[24:14] That just made me –

[24:15] But he's convinced to go destroy the set as if that is going to somehow –

Elliott Kalan

[24:22] Because he's worried that if he is in the play and is bad, she's not going to like him.

[24:27] But if they destroy the set and no one knows who did it, he can be like,

[24:30] Hey, baby, yeah, this is terrible.

[24:31] I want to be in the play with you.

[24:32] Hey, maybe, you know what?

[24:33] Let me console you with my hand on your arm.

[24:35] Now we're kissing.

[24:36] Now I'm inside you.

[24:37] That's his plan.

[24:38] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[24:39] That is a stupider plan than Cyrano de Bergerac.

Elliott Kalan

[24:43] Wow.

Dan McCoy

[24:44] Is that how you judge all plans?

Elliott Kalan

[24:46] Is that your yardstick?

[24:47] Take that, Cyrano.

[24:48] Let me rate this on the Cyrano scale.

[24:51] I give it three noses.

Stuart Wellington

[24:53] Yeah.

[24:54] Very improbable.

[24:55] So wait a minute.

[24:56] Manny in Modern Family, that's short for Manuel, maybe?

[25:01] Possibly, yeah.

[25:02] Or Batman.

[25:03] So would that mean Manny faces in He-Man?

Elliott Kalan

[25:06] Is Manuel Eduardo Faces.

[25:09] Yeah.

[25:10] Okay.

[25:10] Thank you for clearing that up, Elliot.

[25:11] Oh, no, that's true.

[25:12] Yeah.

[25:13] And Man at Arms was Manuel Atonio.

[25:16] Or Emmanuel.

[25:17] Emmanuel.

[25:18] Yeah, he was Emmanuel in space.

[25:19] Emmanuel in space at arms.

Stuart Wellington

[25:21] I think it's Emmanuel in Eternia, actually.

Elliott Kalan

[25:24] That's the seventh movie.

Stuart Wellington

[25:25] Oh, yeah?

[25:27] It's where he meant.

Elliott Kalan

[25:28] Don't worry about it.

[25:28] Don't, do not start giving people on, uh...

[25:31] Where's Black Emmanuel?

[25:32] What's that?

Stuart Wellington

[25:33] What's that?

[25:34] Don't start giving...

Elliott Kalan

[25:35] Part of the She-Ra universe movie?

[25:36] Don't start giving DeviantArt people new ideas for crossover mashup cartoon porn they can do.

[25:42] So, they break into the school.

[25:45] Mm-hmm.

[25:45] They start wrecking up the set in the dumbest way possible.

[25:47] They're literally just knocking stuff over.

[25:49] They're like, take this.

[25:50] And they knock over a tree in a pot.

[25:52] And it's like, okay, that's the easiest thing in the world to pick up and clean.

[25:55] Yeah.

[25:56] But they run into the girl Pfeiffer.

Stuart Wellington

[25:58] Yeah, it's not like the sets are the...

[26:01] Like, they're breaking something that's irreplaceable.

[26:03] Like, they're just...

[26:04] One guy's just kicking over little bushes.

Dan McCoy

[26:06] Yeah.

[26:07] I mean, it's barely a set in the first place.

[26:09] The Gallows is the prime set piece.

Elliott Kalan

[26:12] Well, they start dismantling that, but they don't get too far because...

[26:15] They pull the rope down.

[26:16] They're like, fuck you, rope.

[26:18] Yeah.

[26:19] Little did they know.

[26:20] I...

[26:21] Not one of my favorite Alfred Hitchcock films.

[26:24] Sure, it's underrated.

[26:26] Yeah, it's underrated, but it's not as good as the other ones.

[26:29] Mm-hmm.

[26:30] That goes without saying.

[26:32] Experimenting with the form.

[26:33] I mean, Jimmy Stewart is great, but he seems kind of miscast in it.

[26:37] Its use of color is very subtle.

[26:40] And the effects they used for the backdrop for the sky through the window are impressive when you know their effects.

[26:45] But come on, Hitch.

[26:48] Yeah.

[26:48] Just because Robin Wood realized he was gay while watching this movie as a child doesn't mean I'm going to get anything out of it.

Dan McCoy

[26:56] Just because it's an interesting reimagination of the Leopold and Loeb case doesn't mean that, you know, we should think of it as a top-tier Hitchcock.

Elliott Kalan

[27:04] Your reading of Nietzschean philosophy is a little shallow, Hitch.

[27:07] Mm-hmm.

[27:08] So take your fucking shine box.

[27:11] Take that.

[27:12] Rope.

Stuart Wellington

[27:13] A movie that I like very much.

[27:15] Yeah, guys, I don't know if you can tell, but my well of rope references is pretty shallow.

Elliott Kalan

[27:22] That's fine.

[27:22] That's okay.

[27:23] You could say something about how it's made to look like it's all one take.

[27:26] It was the found footage of its day.

[27:28] Even though there are a few visible cuts in it.

Stuart Wellington

[27:30] We're still talking about the movie and not the item.

[27:33] That was the name of that famous pool player, Visible Cuts.

[27:39] He just had a bunch of paper cuts all over.

Elliott Kalan

[27:41] Yeah, it made it that much more difficult to hold a pool cue because his hands were all cut up.

Stuart Wellington

[27:45] Dick Tracy was always hassling him.

Elliott Kalan

[27:48] Hassling him.

[27:49] You look like a villain.

[27:51] I'm going to arrest you.

[27:52] I'm just a handicapped man.

[27:54] That would be such a funny sketch if Dick Tracy is just arresting handicapped people.

[27:59] Oh, no legs, huh?

[28:01] Come in here.

[28:02] No, I'm paralyzed.

[28:03] I'm not a criminal.

[28:04] All you mutants and freaks.

[28:06] I'm going to lock you up.

[28:07] No, we're just handicapped.

Stuart Wellington

[28:09] Why are you so able as Dick Tracy?

Elliott Kalan

[28:15] Look at this.

[28:18] I was about to have him go after someone he started calling Blackface, who was just a black guy.

[28:23] And I was like, now Dick Tracy is meant to be the racist there.

[28:27] Am I being racist by positing that scenario?

[28:32] Possibly.

[28:32] Well, I'm going to take you in, Mr. Vagina.

[28:36] I'm just a woman.

[28:38] I'm not a man with some kind of vaginal thing.

[28:41] I'm a woman.

[28:42] Sure, tell it to the judge.

Dan McCoy

[28:44] Sure, no penis.

Elliott Kalan

[28:48] Worst enemy, no penis.

Dan McCoy

[28:52] That's what happened when the guy's penis fell off.

[28:56] It fell off right through a wormhole.

Stuart Wellington

[28:59] He and John Rhys Davies did some sliding.

Elliott Kalan

[29:05] And when it hits someone on the head like the gods must be crazy in another dimension that didn't have penises.

[29:12] It all fits together.

[29:14] What?

Stuart Wellington

[29:16] When I was a kid, I remember watching gods must be crazy and wondering what the deal was going on.

Elliott Kalan

[29:22] What's going on?

[29:23] It was on so many times.

[29:25] And it's like, that's one of those movies where there was a cultural moment where the gods must be crazy was not only acceptable, but people loved it.

[29:32] And even as a kid, I was like, what the hell am I watching?

Stuart Wellington

[29:36] You know, it was whimsical.

[29:38] I think that was what.

[29:39] Sure, yeah.

[29:40] Whimsical enough to spawn a sequel?

[29:43] Did two Coke bottles fall out of the sky?

Elliott Kalan

[29:46] I think it was a woman, right?

[29:46] Did the gods stop being crazy, Stuart?

[29:48] Of course they did.

[29:49] Once you've posited the gods must be crazy.

[29:51] Not that they may be crazy.

[29:53] They must be crazy for such a thing to happen.

[29:56] What is interesting is that it's not like they were like, the Holocaust, who would allow such a thing?

[30:02] The gods must be crazy.

[30:04] It was, oh, Coke bottle falls out of the sky, huh?

[30:07] Gods must be crazy.

[30:08] He must be mad.

[30:09] Krom is testing us.

[30:11] Yep.

[30:13] Some Shoggoth monster from beyond space is playing games with time and metaphysics, and we are but ants beneath his feet.

[30:21] Coke bottles fallen from the sky.

[30:26] Anyway, so they sneak in.

[30:30] Yeah.

[30:30] I'm going to give it the, I can't even remember the events of the movie in order.

[30:35] They start being picked off one by one by a ghost.

[30:37] They're driven around.

Stuart Wellington

[30:38] They bump into Pfeiffer, the star of the play, who had seen Reese Hauser's car parked in the parking lot, and she's like, what are you doing?

[30:45] Somebody's going to catch you.

[30:46] These are all real names.

[30:46] Yeah.

[30:46] And Reese Hauser's like, oh, we're just pranking, because he doesn't want her to find out that they were just there to bust up the set.

Elliott Kalan

[30:52] Yeah.

[30:52] They go to the door that's always unlocked, but it's locked.

[30:55] They're locked in.

[30:56] Yeah.

[30:56] And a ghost.

[30:57] It's a ghost with the power of the locked door.

[30:57] That was the moment when Dan said, okay.

Stuart Wellington

[30:59] It's impossible to get locked into a school.

Elliott Kalan

[31:01] Dan was so mad about this not being how a school, the architecture of a school building works.

[31:06] You don't get locked inside.

[31:08] There's a ghost.

[31:09] And there's a thing called a ghost.

Stuart Wellington

[31:12] I understand.

[31:12] I have attended more than one school lock-in, I got to say.

[31:16] And as Stuart said, what about a lock-in?

Dan McCoy

[31:17] If you weren't actually locked in, that would be a horrible fire hazard.

Elliott Kalan

[31:23] But they didn't chain the doors shut.

[31:26] But I love that you're like, those doors are designed to be open from the inside.

[31:32] Ghost.

[31:32] Done.

[31:33] Trumped.

Dan McCoy

[31:34] Yeah, but I...

[31:35] Checkmate.

[31:36] Ghost.

[31:36] I'm more willing to accept the scariness of a ghost if the rest of the world plays by the rules.

Elliott Kalan

[31:43] The ghost doesn't play by the rules, Dan.

[31:45] The ghost plays by its own set of rules.

[31:48] The ghost is like, I'm not here to make friends.

[31:50] I'm here to win.

Stuart Wellington

[31:51] Yeah.

[31:51] Do you need the ghost to be like, oh, well, actually, I can only keep one set of doors shut at a time.

[31:56] If they were to split up and each try a different door, I would be easily foiled.

Elliott Kalan

[32:01] Look, I know that I'm a spirit from beyond another plane of existence who can materialize, teleport, telekinesis.

[32:09] I can make ropes appear in the middle of nowhere.

[32:11] I have the strength of a thousand men in that I can just tear people apart limb from limb if I want.

[32:17] But the engineers who designed these doors have outwitted me yet again.

[32:21] I am powerless before this anti-locking from the inside method.

[32:27] I'm sorry.

[32:28] I just can't do it.

[32:29] I'm sorry, everybody.

[32:31] But ghost, could you help me open up this prescription bottle of pills?

[32:35] Once again, let me tell you what I can do.

[32:38] I can materialize as a loved one you never even told anyone that you loved.

[32:42] Oh, wow.

[32:43] Okay.

[32:43] I can read your thoughts.

[32:44] I can enter your dreams.

[32:46] I can show up as a fucking slimer and eat all your dogs.

[32:49] I can eat.

[32:49] Even though I'm non-corporeal, I can just gobble down hot dogs like nobody's business.

[32:54] Alas, the childproofing on that medicine bottle is beyond the abilities of one such as I who has passed the veil and is now a different order of being.

[33:06] Yeah.

[33:06] So, Dan, how do you feel now?

[33:08] Do you feel like you've been served?

[33:10] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[33:11] Yeah, I got served.

[33:13] You stepped up to the streets.

[33:16] With me.

[33:17] With a ghost.

[33:18] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[33:19] And now I've been an electric boogalooed.

[33:21] These kids, they find a TV in a back room that is playing a local news story about the death of Charlie, the actor who was killed in the original play.

[33:31] It turns out he was going to play the hangman.

[33:33] He was so excited he made his own costume.

[33:35] But the day of the play, the lead actor called in sick.

[33:39] And so he had to take that part and was accidentally killed.

[33:42] And ever since then, it turns out, blah, blah, blah.

[33:44] His ghost is haunting the place.

[33:46] Yep.

[33:46] He's killing them all.

[33:47] He's giving rope burns to their necks.

[33:49] Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Dan McCoy

[33:50] But the lead actor that he replaced is the dad of Reese, what's his name?

[33:55] Is August Hauser.

Elliott Kalan

[33:56] The dad of Reese Hauser.

[33:58] And so he wants to get revenge that way.

Stuart Wellington

[34:00] How did he not know about this beforehand?

[34:03] That seems.

[34:04] That his dad was involved in this.

[34:05] Yeah.

[34:06] Yeah, both.

[34:07] Maybe when he decided to be in this cursed play.

Dan McCoy

[34:10] Or when he looked at the fucking photo that's on display.

Elliott Kalan

[34:13] Or maybe, yeah.

[34:13] That's been on display for 20 years.

[34:15] That has his dad in the picture in the costume.

[34:18] Yeah.

[34:19] And, well, the one thing that I like.

Stuart Wellington

[34:21] What about all those late nights where his dad would stay up drinking and he'd be like,

[34:25] Dad, what's it like to inadvertently kill a man?

Elliott Kalan

[34:29] I know you didn't do it, but it was because you weren't there that he died in your place.

[34:35] You final destinationed him.

[34:36] Mm-hmm.

[34:37] Or you ring-oed him.

[34:38] He died in your place.

[34:40] Mm-hmm.

[34:40] Ah, well, join the football team.

[34:42] Rah, rah.

[34:43] Sis, woo, bah.

[34:45] Yeah, Bugs Bunny, Bugs Bunny, rah, rah, rah.

[34:48] They're picked off one by one.

[34:50] First, annoying guy, then annoying guy's girlfriend.

[34:53] Yep.

[34:53] There's one really, I think there's one good scene.

[34:55] That's a great scene.

[34:55] Which is when the cheerleader girlfriend is killed.

[34:59] It's shot better than anything else in the movie.

[35:00] It's staged better than anything else in the movie.

[35:02] It's genuinely more tense and scarier than anything else in the movie.

[35:05] If you can, if you Google the Gallo's cheerleader death scene, if that's out there online.

[35:10] You can probably find that, yeah.

[35:11] Just watch that.

Stuart Wellington

[35:12] It's the sort of thing where, like, it's shocking they didn't cut this and use this as the opening of the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[35:19] And then make a better movie after it.

Stuart Wellington

[35:20] Yeah, I mean, even if they just edited it differently, it would have been a better thing.

Dan McCoy

[35:25] Yeah.

[35:26] It's not amazing.

[35:27] It just stands out in contrast to the rest of this.

Elliott Kalan

[35:30] In the context, it might not hit the same way because it's like, oh, I'm floating in sewage.

[35:36] Ew, gross.

[35:37] Oh, okay.

[35:37] This is just a pool of somebody's urine and it's a little warmer and I feel, like, more comfortable in it.

[35:42] Ew, I'm back in the cold sewage.

[35:44] Ew, gross.

[35:46] Or, like, I'm just swallowing.

[35:47] The coldness of the sewage is what bothers you.

[35:50] A little bit.

[35:52] Or, like, what about this?

[35:53] Like, oh, I've got to eat all this poop.

[35:55] I'm eating, I have to eat all this poop.

[35:57] Oh, okay, KFC.

[35:58] This is a nice break from the poop.

[36:01] Where it's like, normally I would not want to eat that.

[36:03] But, you know, after nothing but poop, if I'm a human centipede and I get the day off, sure, I'll go to KFC.

Dan McCoy

[36:10] This episode of the Flop House is sponsored by KFC.

Elliott Kalan

[36:13] Oh, man, rough.

[36:16] Kentucky Fried Charlie.

[36:17] Because Charlie is the name of the ghost and that means I got to tell Dan and Stuart that they were being chased by Charlie's angel.

[36:24] Mm-hmm.

[36:25] Charlie, he starts taking the form of a...

Stuart Wellington

[36:27] If at any point were they like, stop chasing us, Chucky, he's like, oh, actually, you can't say that, dude.

[36:33] That's intellectual property theft.

Elliott Kalan

[36:35] Charlie starts taking the form of a hangman and is chasing them.

[36:39] And this school is so full of hidden rooms and secret passageways and labyrinths.

[36:44] And, like, this school...

Stuart Wellington

[36:45] This could spawn easily four or five books in a YA series.

[36:51] It's called The Mystery of the Labyrinth School.

Elliott Kalan

[36:55] But it's like the Winchester Mystery House of schools.

[36:58] Yeah.

[36:58] It's just doors that go nowhere, staircases into walls.

[37:02] And they finally get to the attic and they find their dead friends there.

[37:05] There's one moment where they're walking through the attic and I really wanted...

[37:08] And you know that Charlie the hangman is going to come towards them.

[37:10] Yeah.

[37:10] And I was really hoping...

[37:12] Hoping.

[37:12] I was really...

[37:13] The Hoping.

[37:14] I mean, Sean Malone's The Hoping.

[37:15] Which is when it turns out Barack Obama's killing people, I guess.

[37:18] Which he is with drones.

Stuart Wellington

[37:20] The one time Elliot fucks something up, he just makes fun of himself before we have a chance to get home on it.

Elliott Kalan

[37:26] Yeah, it's called a preemptive strike.

[37:28] Yeah.

[37:29] Have you ever seen that scene in Roxanne?

[37:31] Because that's what I just saw.

Stuart Wellington

[37:31] It's called a young nerd's defense mechanism, I think.

[37:35] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[37:36] Elliot, how was high school for you?

[37:38] No DM.

[37:39] Oh, I hated it.

[37:40] Yeah.

[37:40] Was it all the hangman ghosts?

[37:42] To be honest, it was more, though, because of being trapped inside my own head than things.

[37:48] I was not...

[37:48] Like identity.

[37:49] Like I was bullied by other kids, but the bullying was not...

[37:51] It wasn't so constant.

[37:53] It was really more just being inside my own unhappy head that was bad about it.

[37:56] So that got real.

[37:57] But anyway, what I really wanted was for them to be in the attic and Charlie to come charging towards them and then run past and be like, there's a much scarier ghost behind me.

Stuart Wellington

[38:05] We gotta get out of here, kids.

[38:06] Sorry for killing your friends, but...

Dan McCoy

[38:09] But feats don't fail me now.

Elliott Kalan

[38:12] They get killed in stupid ways.

[38:14] Should we just...

Stuart Wellington

[38:14] There is a shot that I really liked where they're making their way through the duct work in the attic space of the school and they turn the camera away and then they turn back and there's just like ropes strewn everywhere.

[38:27] Like, ugh, don't keep going, I don't think.

[38:30] And I...

Dan McCoy

[38:30] And I agree with where you're going, Elliot, that we should mostly just skip to the end, but I do want to not pass over the fact that basically the villain in this movie is a noose.

[38:41] Like, we're supposed to just be, like, scared of, like, a noose coming out of nowhere.

[38:46] And I'm not saying that a noose coming out of nowhere and strangling you isn't scary.

Elliott Kalan

[38:50] I'm going to talk about the Are You Afraid of the Dark postulate, which is what my brother and sister...

[38:55] Yeah, that you brought up before.

[38:56] Which I brought up before when we were watching Are You Afraid of the Dark on SNCC, which is, this show's not scary, but to be fair, if we were in that situation, we would be scared.

[39:06] So if I was locked in a dark school and there were nooses falling everywhere, I'd be scared.

[39:11] Yeah.

[39:11] But to watch it in a film is not particularly scary.

Dan McCoy

[39:13] It's not a visually dynamic villain, a noose.

Elliott Kalan

[39:16] No.

[39:17] It's an inanimate robe, yeah.

[39:19] It's weird that...

[39:20] And it would be worse if the rope was moving around like a snake.

Stuart Wellington

[39:23] I mean, I feel like it's weird that the...

[39:26] In a way, it's nice that all the victims are white kids, because nooses have such...

[39:33] Wow, okay, interesting.

[39:34] It has such a terrible...

Dan McCoy

[39:35] Take care of Mr. Woku over here.

Stuart Wellington

[39:36] But I'm just saying that, like...

[39:37] Woku?

Stuart Wellington

[39:38] Woku.

[39:39] Yes.

Dan McCoy

[39:40] Woku, the monster from Beyond Space.

[39:42] What is it?

[39:42] Woku, the...

[39:43] Which?

[39:43] The body snatcher.

[39:46] Oh, Goke, the body snatcher.

[39:47] Body snatcher from hell.

Elliott Kalan

[39:48] The body snatcher from hell.

[39:49] That's a fun movie.

[39:49] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[39:50] It just feels like...

[39:50] It just feels like if any...

[39:52] But if they had any people of color in the movie, it would have been much less taste...

[39:56] Like, even less tasteful.

[39:57] Oh, to have nooses everywhere?

Elliott Kalan

[39:58] Yeah, exactly.

[39:59] It's such a horrible image.

[40:01] That's true.

[40:02] I'll give you that.

[40:03] You know what?

[40:03] Your comment made sense to me in the end.

Stuart Wellington

[40:04] That's what I'm saying.

[40:05] It'd be like if there was...

[40:08] I don't even...

[40:08] You're going into Nazi territory.

[40:09] Don't even do it.

Elliott Kalan

[40:11] The...

[40:11] We all know what you're saying.

[40:13] We totally get it.

[40:14] No need for a parallel.

[40:15] No, but wait.

[40:15] You gotta understand...

[40:16] No, no, no, no, no.

[40:18] It's like if they were all Armenians and the...

[40:20] So the...

[40:21] So we get to the ending.

[40:23] It's just...

[40:25] I was going to say everyone's been killed but Rhys and Pfeiffer, but there's only four characters.

[40:28] Yeah.

[40:29] Rhys and Pfeiffer are on the stage and they realize, oh, my dad was supposed to be the actor and

[40:34] so he wants revenge on me and they reenact the end scene of the play whose lines of dialogue

[40:40] also respond to this situation.

Stuart Wellington

[40:42] Yeah, and they only get to that point because Rhys has realized he could have escaped but

[40:46] he thinks Pfeiffer might be in trouble.

[40:48] Yeah.

[40:48] He runs out.

[40:49] So he returns.

[40:50] The doors are locked.

[40:50] He has his hero moment.

[40:51] He's willing to sacrifice himself for the girl.

[40:53] He would get...

[40:54] If this was a D&D game, he would get at least one inspiration point.

[40:58] He doesn't use it, but he gets it.

Elliott Kalan

[41:00] No.

[41:00] Yeah, it's a fair point.

[41:02] Yeah, fair inspiration point.

[41:03] And he comes back in.

[41:05] He goes, no, the ghost wants me.

[41:06] I have to do it.

[41:06] He walks up to the gallow and now there's a shot from the rear.

[41:13] Oh, there's a shot from behind them and I don't remember which camera that is.

[41:17] There's a certain point where I could not remember.

[41:19] There's the video camera that Stiles is always carrying around or whatever that character's

[41:23] name is and there's the cell phone that is also recording and there's a certain point

[41:27] where I lost track of which of these mechanisms we were looking through and where they were located.

[41:32] Yeah, because you're so immersed in the film.

[41:34] Yeah, and confused by the geography of it and did not wanting to pay attention because

[41:37] it was so dull.

[41:39] But everyone, you know what?

[41:40] Not dull is the wrong word, but confusing and hectic in an unentertaining way.

Stuart Wellington

[41:45] You mean, are you saying that just a shot of the floor with people's feet is dull?

[41:50] Because that's crazy.

[41:51] Hey, some guys like that.

Elliott Kalan

[41:52] I'm not one of them.

[41:53] Sure.

[41:54] I'm not going to judge them, but there's a, we see like the image is flickering a little

[42:01] bit like it's, this ghost is messing with the digital image and the ghost is kind of flickering

[42:05] in and out and he hangs Reese and then the girl starts bowing to an unseen audience and

[42:13] we see that the ghost is bowing with her and someone starts clapping in the audience and

[42:17] it is the grown up girlfriend of Charlie who was killed.

Stuart Wellington

[42:22] We were introduced way early in the movie and as soon as she's introduced, I'm like, that's

[42:26] the bad guy.

[42:26] She's the baddie.

[42:26] Now when were we introduced to her?

[42:28] Like, I don't even remember that part.

[42:28] When they were filming the rehearsals, she was sitting in the back of the theater and

[42:33] they're like, she comes to all of these.

[42:35] She's so weird.

[42:36] And they briefly interview her and she's like, yeah, I was Charlie's girlfriend or something.

[42:40] Oh, right.

[42:41] I totally forgot.

[42:42] And she appears.

[42:42] She looks a little crazy, but still like, I don't know, like in a small town, single lady,

[42:49] you know, you gotta.

Dan McCoy

[42:51] Wow.

[42:51] I'm not sure.

[42:52] I'm not sure what that means.

[42:54] I'm sure it's offensive.

[42:55] I mean, she doesn't look like a monster.

Stuart Wellington

[42:56] I mean, you know, she likes theater.

Dan McCoy

[42:59] Okay.

[42:59] Not sure.

Elliott Kalan

[43:00] She's got a lot to offer.

Dan McCoy

[43:02] Yeah, one of those small town ladies who likes theater and has a lot to offer.

[43:05] Trying to set her up with one of our listeners?

Elliott Kalan

[43:08] Yeah.

[43:08] She's a fictional character who turns out to be crazy and didn't leave with a ghost.

[43:12] Damn.

[43:13] Spoiler alert.

[43:14] Spoiler alert.

[43:15] I just said it.

[43:16] Well, let's get to the real like crazy twist ending.

[43:19] Then there's the real twist, which is you cut to the police are entering a house.

[43:23] Cops are doing a bad boy style raid on this house.

[43:25] What you're going to do when they come for.

Stuart Wellington

[43:26] They walk around.

[43:27] The house is totally dark and they're like, eh, whatever.

Elliott Kalan

[43:30] And they enter until they enter a room where it's an evidence dungeon.

[43:33] Stuart called it while we're watching it.

[43:35] Yep.

[43:35] Total evidence dungeon.

[43:35] There's little models of looses with dolls.

[43:38] Evidence dungeon.

Stuart Wellington

[43:38] Fucking trademark Stuart Wellington.

[43:40] He rules.

[43:41] Dot.

[43:42] C-O or whatever.

[43:43] Slash E-D-U.

[43:45] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[43:45] Dot biz.

[43:47] Yeah.

[43:47] Because this is a business.

[43:49] It's called the flop house.

[43:50] Technically a business.

[43:52] And they go, there's a TV that's playing the, I guess the footage of Charlie.

[43:58] What is the footage of Charlie dying or of Reese dying?

[44:00] I don't.

[44:00] I don't remember.

[44:01] But then they go, oh, they're here.

[44:02] Suspects are here.

[44:04] And you pan over.

[44:04] Yeah.

[44:04] Because it pans over and you see the two of them sitting there in the dark.

[44:07] Oh, there's all.

[44:08] The grown up girlfriend.

[44:08] First you see a bunch of photos of them together.

[44:10] Yeah.

[44:10] You see a bunch of photos of the grown up girlfriend and Pfeiffer.

[44:14] Oh, is she her mother?

[44:15] Yeah.

[44:15] No shit, dude.

[44:16] That's crazy.

[44:17] You see them sitting on the bed watching this video and the grown up girlfriend is just brushing Pfeiffer's hair as a mother brushes a daughter's hair.

[44:25] Very, in one of those like happy, crazy, psychotic people catatonic trances you see in movies.

[44:32] Yeah.

[44:32] They're just blissed out that they finally achieved their vengeance.

[44:36] And they're having a mother-daughter moment that's actually kind of beautiful.

[44:39] And it reminds me of the kind of intimacy that mothers and daughters can continue to have even as they get older that fathers and sons, by the laws of masculine interaction, are not allowed to have in our culture.

[44:50] It reminds me of my friend Porter.

[44:54] Now, if my wife saw her mom lying in bed, not feeling well, and said, hey, mom, you need some support, and crawled in with her and hugged her, we'd be like, yeah, that's fine.

[45:04] If my dad was sick in bed and I crawled in with him and hugged him, it would be weird.

Dan McCoy

[45:09] That's a good point, but maybe not one for this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[45:12] I mean, it's valid, whatever.

Stuart Wellington

[45:15] So when I was watching this movie, I remembered when my friend Porter had a girlfriend in college, and we made jokes about it.

[45:21] Oh, from the Porterhouse.

[45:22] Because Porterhouse, his girlfriend, was much younger than him.

[45:26] But he had this moment of honesty with me one time.

[45:30] What age? Because we were in college.

[45:31] Yeah, so she was in high school.

[45:33] Oh, she was seven.

[45:33] All right.

[45:33] And he had this moment of, you know, bald-faced honesty where he was explaining.

[45:38] Bald-faced?

[45:39] Yeah.

[45:40] That's right.

[45:40] Bald-faced.

[45:41] No, that was right.

[45:42] I just thought.

[45:42] Face it.

[45:42] I want to say it like that.

[45:43] You said it antiquated.

[45:44] I liked it.

[45:45] Say it however I want.

[45:47] And he explained that he really liked reading Lord of the Rings to her, and after lovemaking,

[45:54] he would sit on the edge of the bed, and she would brush his hair.

[45:57] Oh.

Dan McCoy

[45:59] Which is awesome.

[46:00] I mean, that's fine.

[46:01] I find that disquieting and adorable.

Elliott Kalan

[46:04] Look, whatever they're going to do, it's an intimate moment.

[46:06] Yeah, no, I think it's great.

[46:07] The creepy thing is that while she was brushing, she would sing,

[46:10] Hush, little baby, don't say a word.

[46:13] Yeah, and she'd braid bells into his hair for all the enemies he's slain.

[46:16] We're getting around the rosy.

Dan McCoy

[46:18] We're getting away from how crazy this twist is.

Elliott Kalan

[46:21] I want to be where the people are.

Dan McCoy

[46:25] But creepy.

[46:26] Like, let's go back to the twist.

Elliott Kalan

[46:27] So the twist is that the implication is that the ex-girlfriend of Charlie,

[46:34] Charlie's girlfriend until he died, has a daughter.

[46:38] The two of them plotted and worked together with a ghost,

[46:42] and it's implied, is she Charlie's daughter?

[46:45] Because that would make her 20 years old.

[46:47] Why is she in high school?

[46:49] Is she undercover just for this revenge plot?

[46:51] And the police are like, the suspects are here.

[46:53] We got them.

[46:54] And then nooses come out and start attacking them.

[46:57] And then Charlie the Hangman is there,

[46:59] and he gets his face all up in the camera.

[47:01] The end.

[47:01] Smash cut the gallows in big letters.

Stuart Wellington

[47:03] Yep.

[47:04] At this point, Stuart is jumping around the room.

Elliott Kalan

[47:07] He was like, oh.

[47:09] So the plan was.

Dan McCoy

[47:10] The plan of the daughter was like, all right,

[47:13] I'm going to somehow convince the school to do a revival of this murderous play.

[47:18] Makes sense.

[47:18] Step one.

[47:19] And for some reason, somehow, I'm going to get the guy whose father we want revenge on

[47:25] to be my leading man.

[47:27] Step two.

[47:28] It's all falling into place.

[47:29] Get him to quit the football team.

[47:30] Get him to quit the football team.

[47:32] And then his friend will inevitably convince him to sneak in.

Elliott Kalan

[47:36] Only possible solution.

[47:38] They ran the algorithm.

[47:39] That's what came up.

[47:40] Nate Silver looked it up.

[47:41] That's what he predicted.

Dan McCoy

[47:42] And then she can show up,

[47:43] and we can reenact this gallows.

Stuart Wellington

[47:48] Again, with the help of a ghost.

[47:50] Yeah.

[47:50] You're probably thinking, wait, if she's related to Charlie,

[47:54] she must also be related to Rube Goldberg.

[47:58] For the way that these dominoes are falling into place.

Elliott Kalan

[48:01] So here's what we do.

[48:03] We light a match.

[48:05] The match irritates a cat whose tail hits a lever.

[48:09] The lever gives the idea to the friend to go and break up the set.

[48:15] Yeah, that's the whole thing.

[48:16] And also that their end game of their plot was,

[48:19] we're going to kill two cops,

[48:20] and then I guess, what, go on the run?

[48:22] Just become a house where police show up and get murdered?

[48:26] Send more cops.

[48:27] What they're basically doing is the way I used to play Grand Theft Auto,

[48:30] where I would get tired of the mission,

[48:32] find a small location that I could hole up in,

[48:34] and then just shoot people from there and see how many cop cars came after me

[48:38] and how big an explosion I could make.

[48:40] That's what they're doing, but with a ghost who hangs people.

[48:44] Yep.

[48:45] It feels like a twist that was tacked on

[48:48] because they felt like there wasn't enough of a twist.

Stuart Wellington

[48:50] I think the real terrifying thing is the fact that

[48:52] here we see a teenage daughter getting along with her parents.

[48:57] Is that the only way that a teenager can get along with their parents,

[49:00] is for them to be totally crazy murderers?

Elliott Kalan

[49:03] Yeah, it's a shocking indictment of America's family system.

[49:06] Think about it.

Stuart Wellington

[49:08] Spend more time with your kids, less time on your screens.

Elliott Kalan

[49:13] Hashtag.

[49:14] Unless it's playing the Flophouse.

[49:16] Playing the Flophouse video game?

Stuart Wellington

[49:18] Yeah.

[49:20] It's like a Fruit Ninja style game where you're slapping wieners on the screen.

Elliott Kalan

[49:26] Why is it all wieners?

[49:28] I figured it was either going to be like a side scroller

[49:31] or like a Sam and Max style point and click strategy game

[49:36] where it's like, oh, I'll put this ding dong on the freak

[49:40] and he'll let me through the castle door.

Stuart Wellington

[49:43] But there's a mini game where you have to adjust the ding dong

[49:46] to the exact thing and your phone vibrates

[49:48] as you get closer and closer.

Elliott Kalan

[49:50] It's like used submarine sandwich on guy's throat.

Stuart Wellington

[49:54] Oh, so it's like a text-based adventure?

Elliott Kalan

[49:57] Sometimes, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[49:59] So we should get to final judgments on this movie.

[50:02] Final.

[50:03] Good, great.

[50:04] Judgments.

[50:04] Never better.

[50:06] Is this movie totally scarifying?

[50:09] Is it totally snorifying?

[50:12] Or is it frighteningly funny?

[50:16] Yes, yes.

[50:17] What was yours?

[50:18] What?

[50:19] What's yours?

[50:19] My judgment on this movie?

[50:21] Yeah.

[50:22] It's totally snorifying.

[50:24] I mean, it's not snorifying in the sense of like...

Stuart Wellington

[50:26] You didn't fall asleep, which you've done before.

[50:30] I was not literally snoring during this movie.

[50:33] Because other movies have passed that test.

Dan McCoy

[50:35] And I'm very tired.

Stuart Wellington

[50:36] I heard that at your movie night on Friday

[50:38] during The Howling Part 2,

[50:39] you totally fell asleep.

Dan McCoy

[50:41] I legitimately fell asleep.

[50:42] Was that because...

[50:43] I had guests in my home.

Stuart Wellington

[50:45] Yeah, was that...

[50:46] You're like, I guess they'll just rob me.

[50:48] Yeah.

[50:48] They were howling with shock

Elliott Kalan

[50:50] at how rude you were as a host.

Dan McCoy

[50:51] I mean, they stayed

[50:52] and they watched The Howling 2.

Stuart Wellington

[50:54] Yeah, because they were all amped up

[50:56] because he showed them...

[50:56] He showed them Hellbound Hellraiser 2 beforehand,

[51:01] which I watched recently

[51:02] and is the wettest-ass movie

[51:04] I've ever fucking seen, dude.

[51:06] Okay, I don't know what that means.

[51:06] It looks like every scene

[51:07] people showed up on set

[51:09] and Clyde Barger's like,

[51:10] get the spray bottle.

[51:13] Yeah.

[51:13] I'm from England.

[51:14] Get some glycerin.

[51:16] Hello, hello.

[51:16] Spray them down.

Elliott Kalan

[51:17] Not shiny enough.

[51:19] Chim-chim-chirree.

[51:21] There's such a thin line

[51:22] between pleasure and pain,

[51:24] don't you know, Mary Bottoms?

Stuart Wellington

[51:25] But for a movie that has so much like,

[51:27] almost like an Alice in Wonderland quality

[51:31] of traveling through mass paintings...

[51:33] That's just Hellbound.

[51:33] We're not talking about Hellraiser 2.

[51:34] We're not talking about...

[51:36] The gallows.

Dan McCoy

[51:37] We're no longer talking about the gallows.

[51:39] We're all going to say snorafine.

[51:40] We're all going to say snorafine.

Stuart Wellington

[51:41] It's like,

[51:42] that feels kind of transportive

[51:44] and also like dreamlike.

[51:46] It's so viscerally wet and gross.

[51:49] Yeah, it's fucking great.

Elliott Kalan

[51:51] Okay, so the gallows though.

Stuart Wellington

[51:52] Oh yeah, no, it's terrible.

[51:53] It has all the qualities

[51:56] of like a super shitty found footage

[52:00] horror movie that was banged out.

[52:03] There's almost no...

[52:04] Other than literally one scene

[52:06] that we said was okay,

[52:07] there's almost nothing

[52:09] of any kind of redeeming value.

Elliott Kalan

[52:12] I would call it a very...

[52:16] Like it's not...

[52:17] It wasn't snorafinelly like sleepy dull,

[52:20] but it was not good.

[52:23] And like, yeah, it felt like

[52:26] a paint-by-numbers film footage movie.

Stuart Wellington

[52:28] I don't understand why...

[52:29] I guess if you're like,

[52:32] I've seen Blair Witch a million times,

[52:34] but I want something that vaguely reminds me

[52:36] of the Blair Witch Project.

[52:38] Let's just watch that.

Dan McCoy

[52:39] If you want...

[52:40] I mean, if you like,

[52:41] if you want something funny,

[52:42] the very end of this movie

[52:44] is kind of funny.

[52:44] Yeah, that's what I have to...

Elliott Kalan

[52:45] The last like two minutes

[52:46] are pretty funny.

[52:47] You have to go through

Dan McCoy

[52:48] the entire rest of the movie

[52:49] to get the full effect.

[52:50] It is a real shaggy ghost story.

Stuart Wellington

[52:53] Well, and for a movie that is like,

[52:55] there's almost no scares

[52:57] in the first like 40 minutes

[52:59] of this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[53:00] It's a lot of...

[53:01] Yeah, it's a lot of setup,

[53:03] but not entertaining setup.

[53:04] Yeah.

[53:05] Yeah.

[53:05] Like there's no...

[53:06] It reminded me of like,

[53:07] it does poorly what Carrie does so well,

[53:10] where Carrie for most of its runtime

[53:12] is just high school.

[53:13] There's very little like supernatural stuff.

[53:16] Yeah.

[53:16] But it's entertaining high school stuff.

[53:18] And the characters are strongly drawn.

[53:20] High school is pretty terrifying.

Stuart Wellington

[53:21] Yeah.

[53:22] And I mean,

[53:22] you mentioned House of the Devil,

[53:23] which is a movie that's amazing.

[53:25] And for a large chunk of it,

[53:26] nothing happens.

[53:27] There's like,

Elliott Kalan

[53:28] that's the,

[53:28] this movie was doing in theory,

[53:31] the same thing that House of the Devil was doing,

[53:33] which is you're in a big dark building.

[53:34] Lots of shots of feet.

[53:35] And you're just walking around,

[53:36] lots of shots of feet.

[53:37] But House of the Devil is so scary.

[53:39] And this is so not scary.

[53:41] So snorifying.

[53:43] So run,

[53:44] don't walk to the gallows.

S5

[53:50] I'm Biz.

[53:51] And I'm Teresa.

[53:52] And we host the weekly comedy podcast,

[53:54] One Bad Mother.

Dan McCoy

[53:55] We celebrate our moments of parenting genius.

Elliott Kalan

[53:58] As well as our failures.

[53:59] Just like,

[54:00] we're going to have hot dogs.

[54:01] And I'm like,

[54:02] no,

[54:02] we're having fun.

[54:03] Everybody loves hot dogs.

[54:04] Yeah.

[54:05] And it just like smashes that thing right on my chest.

[54:06] And then I'm just crying in the middle of like kid space

[54:08] while people are like literally dancing with their children.

S5

[54:11] Parenting can be sad and painfully funny at the same time.

[54:14] So join us each week as we admit that this is hard,

[54:18] but we're getting really good at it.

[54:19] Find us at MaximumFun.org

[54:21] or wherever you download podcasts.

Dan McCoy

[54:26] Tonight,

[54:26] the Flophouse is sponsored in part by ZipRecruiter.

[54:31] Ching,

[54:31] ching.

[54:32] Are you hiring?

[54:34] Do you know where to post your job to find the best candidates?

[54:37] No.

[54:37] So where do I do that?

[54:38] Well,

[54:38] look,

[54:39] posting your job in one place,

[54:41] Elliot,

[54:41] not enough to find the right candidate for your job.

[54:43] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[54:44] Yeah,

[54:44] yeah,

[54:44] yeah.

[54:45] If there's a post in the middle of town in town square

[54:47] and you're like,

[54:47] I need some adventures to clear out

[54:49] all the goblins from my basement.

[54:51] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[54:51] That doesn't work anymore.

[54:52] That doesn't,

[54:52] that doesn't cut the mustard.

[54:54] No,

[54:54] it doesn't.

[54:55] He collects goblins and needs to move them

[54:57] because he's selling the house.

[54:58] Yeah.

[54:59] Yeah,

[54:59] clear them out.

Dan McCoy

[55:00] If you want to find the perfect employee,

[55:02] you need to post your job on all of the top job sites.

[55:05] And now you can with ZipRecruiter.com,

[55:08] which lets you post your job to 100 plus job sites,

[55:12] including social media networks like Facebook and Twitter,

[55:15] all with one click.

[55:17] You can find candidates in any city or industry nationwide.

[55:21] Just post once and watch qualified candidates roll in.

[55:25] The ZipRecruiter.

[55:26] No juggling emails,

[55:29] no calls directly to your office.

[55:31] Just screen candidates,

[55:32] rate them,

[55:33] find the right person fast.

[55:35] And right now our listeners can post jobs on ZipRecruiter for free

[55:42] by going to ZipRecruiter.com slash first.

[55:45] That's ZipRecruiter.com slash first.

[55:48] For the first house.

[55:50] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[55:51] So if the Flophouse was ever thinking about hiring an intern,

[55:54] maybe somebody to open,

[55:57] to go out to the store and go on beer runs for me,

[55:59] pick up Elliot Popeyes.

[56:00] That's how you're going to say,

[56:01] open your beers for you.

[56:02] And open my beers.

[56:03] I can't be bothered to do that shit.

[56:04] My hands are precious.

Dan McCoy

[56:07] You're like Doctor Strange.

[56:08] You need them for surgery.

Elliott Kalan

[56:10] Don't fucking spoil that movie.

[56:11] I haven't seen it yet.

[56:12] Dan, don't pretend you've always been on the Doctor Strange bandwagon.

[56:16] Suddenly he's got a big feature film

[56:18] all I know all about,

[56:19] Stephen Strange's hands.

[56:20] If I asked you a year ago,

[56:22] hey Dan,

[56:22] what happened to Doctor Strange's hand?

[56:24] You'd be like,

[56:25] uh,

[56:25] who,

[56:26] what,

[56:26] where,

[56:26] when,

[56:27] why,

[56:27] and how?

[56:27] Linda Ellerby.

[56:28] I would have been like,

Dan McCoy

[56:30] uh,

[56:31] what's his face?

[56:31] Who's the artist?

[56:33] What?

[56:34] Doctor Strange.

Elliott Kalan

[56:34] The fucking guy,

[56:35] that movie?

Dan McCoy

[56:35] With Steve Ditko?

[56:36] Yeah,

[56:37] I thought it was Steve Ditko,

[56:38] but I didn't want,

[56:38] I didn't want you throwing that in my face.

[56:40] Like,

[56:40] I knew you would if I got it wrong.

Elliott Kalan

[56:42] I mean,

[56:42] lots of artists have drawn Doctor Strange over the years,

[56:45] but Steve Ditko co-created it.

Dan McCoy

[56:46] All I would have known about Doctor Strange's hands is that Steve Ditko loves drawing hands

[56:51] in weird positions.

[56:52] Yeah,

[56:52] with the fingers all over the place.

Elliott Kalan

[56:53] Fingers akimbo.

[56:54] So,

[56:54] ZipRecruiter though.

[56:56] Yeah.

[56:56] Uh,

[56:57] what I like.

[56:57] If you wanted to get Steve Ditko to do a job on ZipRecruiter.

[57:00] He's around.

[57:01] Hire him.

[57:02] You're just going to have to hear him talk about Ayn Rand for hours and hours on end.

[57:05] Now,

[57:06] here's the thing that I like about this.

[57:08] Yep.

[57:09] In today's world,

[57:10] everybody is their own brand and their own business,

[57:14] and so you're going to need to hire other people,

[57:16] but it's hard to know how to find those people,

[57:18] because while we're almost more connected digitally,

[57:21] at the same time,

[57:22] we are less interactive as a community.

[57:25] Oh,

[57:25] man.

[57:25] Just like Black Mirror.

[57:28] So,

[57:29] try it out,

[57:30] and I bet you'll find the person that you want.

[57:31] Yeah.

[57:32] Use that code.

[57:32] What was it?

Dan McCoy

[57:33] ZipRecruiter.com slash first?

[57:34] Slash first.

[57:36] To,

[57:36] uh,

Elliott Kalan

[57:37] You get a free posting?

[57:38] Get a free try.

[57:41] Yeah.

[57:41] On free zip.

[57:43] Mm-hmm.

[57:43] E the pinhead.

[57:46] By Bill Griffin.

[57:47] Or is it Griffith?

[57:48] Griffith.

[57:49] Griffith.

Dan McCoy

[57:50] B.

[57:51] B.

[57:51] Show.

[57:53] The Flap House is also supported in part by Squarespace.

[57:56] Squarespace!

[57:57] Whether you need a landing page,

[58:05] a beautiful gallery,

[58:06] a professional blog,

[58:07] or an online store,

[58:08] it's all included with your Squarespace website.

[58:12] Now,

[58:12] look,

[58:13] it's hard to create a website,

[58:14] right?

[58:15] No,

[58:15] wrong.

[58:16] With Squarespace,

[58:17] it's easy.

[58:18] It's a simple,

[58:18] intuitive process.

[58:20] You can,

[58:20] uh,

[58:21] it's all drag and drop,

[58:22] arrange your content,

[58:23] you can click a mouse,

[58:24] and boom,

[58:25] you're done.

Elliott Kalan

[58:26] Dan,

[58:27] I have a question.

[58:28] Okay.

[58:28] I have an idea for a website,

[58:30] and I want to get it made,

[58:31] and I don't know how to code,

[58:32] I don't know anything about the internet.

[58:34] Could Squarespace help me?

Dan McCoy

[58:35] Yeah.

[58:36] You know why?

[58:37] Because they've got great templates.

Elliott Kalan

[58:39] So,

[58:39] maybe those would work for my,

[58:40] for my website,

[58:41] it's called ProstateNoir.com.

[58:43] Okay.

[58:44] And it's,

[58:44] so like,

[58:45] all the noir stylings of the 40s,

[58:48] the films we've come to love,

[58:50] you know,

[58:50] uh,

[58:51] Heavy Shadows,

[58:52] the big sleep,

[58:53] all that stuff,

[58:54] applied to,

[58:56] the modern science,

[58:57] and examination of the male prostate,

[58:59] something that is,

[59:00] needed ever more than ever,

[59:01] with today's aging male population.

[59:04] So,

[59:04] what,

[59:04] I'm trying to make,

[59:06] I'm trying to make,

[59:06] ever changing world,

[59:07] in which we live in.

[59:09] It makes you want to give up and try.

[59:11] Yeah.

[59:11] Is that the words?

[59:13] We'll just let it die.

[59:14] We'll just let it die.

[59:15] But,

[59:15] it's hard to know how to get across that message online.

Stuart Wellington

[59:17] I'm imagining a butt with a cigarette,

[59:19] and a butt crack.

[59:21] You see,

[59:22] so,

[59:22] and a fedora,

Elliott Kalan

[59:24] and a fedora,

[59:25] and Venetian blind shadows.

[59:27] You've already seen the concept of it?

[59:27] Yeah,

[59:27] because you don't want to get rain on your butt crack.

[59:29] And that's the vision that I want to put online.

[59:31] It's like,

[59:32] rain,

[59:34] on your butt crack.

[59:36] And Dan,

[59:36] is that the kind of vision that Squarespace can help me get across?

[59:39] Because I want people to be able to use this on their phone,

[59:41] if they're on the train,

[59:43] at home on a laptop,

[59:44] maybe an iPad at work,

[59:45] so that they can,

[59:46] so that they can learn about their own prostate health.

[59:49] This thing.

Dan McCoy

[59:49] Through the visual vocabulary,

[59:52] of noir film.

[59:53] This thing scales to whatever you're using it on,

[59:55] a phone,

[59:56] a tablet,

[59:58] a laptop.

[59:59] It's got responsive design.

[1:00:00] It's great.

[1:00:02] And it's got 24-7 customer support.

[1:00:07] And every member of the customer care team is an experienced Squarespace user,

[1:00:11] working in a Squarespace office.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:13] And I should ask,

[1:00:14] oh,

[1:00:14] then it's not outsourced to someone?

[1:00:16] It's not outsourced.

[1:00:16] To Mars or something.

[1:00:17] No.

[1:00:18] Gleep Glorp,

[1:00:19] let me help you with the problem.

[1:00:20] Yeah.

[1:00:21] Be boof.

[1:00:21] We'll not hear one Gleep Glorp.

[1:00:23] Stealing our jobs,

[1:00:24] right?

[1:00:25] Yep.

[1:00:25] Shipping them to Mars.

[1:00:26] Mm-hmm.

[1:00:27] This is Rob.

[1:00:29] I'm in Omaha,

[1:00:30] Gleep Glorp.

[1:00:31] No,

[1:00:31] you're not.

[1:00:31] Yeah.

[1:00:32] You're on Mount,

[1:00:32] Mon's Olympus.

[1:00:33] So,

[1:00:36] and they don't judge the content of the sites,

[1:00:39] right?

[1:00:41] I don't know anything about that,

Dan McCoy

[1:00:42] but probably not.

[1:00:43] Probably your prostate.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:44] I mean,

[1:00:45] within reason.

[1:00:46] Yeah.

[1:00:46] Well,

[1:00:47] not my prostate.

[1:00:48] America's prostates.

[1:00:49] Okay.

[1:00:50] With noir style.

[1:00:51] America's prostates on Fox.

[1:00:54] America's got prostates.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:56] But you can start your free trial today at squarespace.com slash flop to get 10% off.

[1:01:03] Your first purchase.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:05] Nice.

[1:01:06] Your pronunciation of 10 is coming along nicely.

[1:01:08] Yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:08] it's getting great.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:09] Well,

[1:01:09] it's been the constant ostracization from you guys.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:13] I'll allow it.

[1:01:14] Yeah.

[1:01:15] I'll allow that pronunciation.

[1:01:16] Pick up,

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:17] pick more complicated words,

[1:01:18] please.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:20] Let's just start saying some dinosaur names.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:23] Okay,

[1:01:24] guys.

[1:01:25] You know what that means?

[1:01:27] It's time for some Jumbotron.

[1:01:29] Jumbo.

[1:01:30] Jumbotron.

[1:01:32] Jumbo.

[1:01:33] That's right,

[1:01:33] Starscream.

[1:01:34] It's me,

[1:01:34] your enemy.

[1:01:36] Jumbotron.

[1:01:37] Played by Sean Connery.

[1:01:39] And our first Jumbotron says this.

[1:01:44] Do you think Shocktober should last all year long?

[1:01:47] Then you need to listen to the Kill by Kill podcast,

[1:01:52] where friends of the Flophouse,

[1:01:54] Gina Radcliffe,

[1:01:55] and Patrick Hamilton,

[1:01:56] I added that one.

[1:01:57] They are friends of the Flophouse.

[1:01:58] discuss the least celebrated component of any horror film.

[1:02:02] The characters.

[1:02:03] They unpack all the gory details of every on-screen death in the Friday the 13th franchise,

[1:02:10] one of my favorite franchises.

[1:02:12] Mine's Popeyes.

[1:02:14] One hack,

[1:02:16] slash,

[1:02:17] and decapitation at a time.

[1:02:19] Because a camper's untimely end is just the beginning of the jokes they can make about them.

[1:02:25] So think Jason,

[1:02:26] it's Friday.

[1:02:28] New episodes of Kill by Kill are available fortnightly from iTunes.

[1:02:33] And follow them on Twitter at Kill by Kill pod.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:36] Kill by Kill podcast.

[1:02:38] Yeah,

[1:02:39] I follow those guys on Twitter.

[1:02:40] And we've got another Jumbotron message from DirtyBirdEnergy.com.

[1:02:44] Extra Jumbotron.

[1:02:46] And they want you to visit DirtyBirdEnergy.com to learn more about caffeinated energy soap.

[1:02:51] Made with coconut oil and sustainably sourced palm oil.

[1:02:55] Those are two different types of oil.

[1:02:56] We make sure only the best ingredients are touching your skin.

[1:03:00] Parabens,

[1:03:01] sulfates,

[1:03:01] and phthalates free.

[1:03:03] Dirty Bird Energy soap is infused with caffeine,

[1:03:06] peppermint oil,

[1:03:07] and biodegradable jojoba,

[1:03:09] parentheses,

[1:03:10] hojoba,

[1:03:11] beads.

[1:03:11] That maybe was the pronunciation.

[1:03:13] Sure.

[1:03:13] But I just read it wrong.

[1:03:15] Jojoba beads.

[1:03:16] It not only gets you super clean,

[1:03:18] it wakes you up.

[1:03:19] Dirty Bird Energy soap comes in a patent pending plastic case that snaps shut,

[1:03:23] making the large five ounce bar soap portable.

[1:03:26] Perfect for traveling,

[1:03:27] camping,

[1:03:28] or the gym.

[1:03:30] Try a bar.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:31] That soap sounds delicious.

[1:03:32] I can't wait to eat that soap.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:33] No!

[1:03:34] It's for cleaning yourself.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:36] We'll have to order some of those soaps and just,

[1:03:38] you know,

[1:03:39] try them out.

[1:03:40] Soap each other up with them.

[1:03:42] Yeah,

[1:03:42] why are you looking at me weird,

[1:03:43] Elliot?

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:44] It's pretty normal,

[1:03:45] man.

[1:03:45] I told Jan,

[1:03:45] I made the subtext text,

[1:03:47] I wasn't sure if you were actually referring to just taking a shower together or not.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:50] The thing is,

[1:03:51] the idea of bathhouses is common in almost every other culture, Elliot.

[1:03:57] That's true.

[1:03:57] You got me there.

[1:03:58] How come it hasn't reached America yet?

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:00] I don't know.

[1:04:01] I mean,

[1:04:01] don't Americans like to be clean?

[1:04:03] It has in that,

[1:04:04] I guess,

[1:04:05] the Native American,

[1:04:06] like,

[1:04:06] smokehouse tradition.

[1:04:07] Sure,

[1:04:08] I guess.

[1:04:08] You know,

[1:04:08] steam house,

[1:04:09] those types of things.

[1:04:10] But,

[1:04:10] so it's reached the American continent.

[1:04:13] In fact,

[1:04:13] it was here before we were.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:15] You know,

[1:04:16] I think you're right,

[1:04:16] Elliot.

[1:04:17] We all learned something tonight here,

[1:04:18] guys.

[1:04:19] But you're right.

[1:04:19] This has been the Flophouse.

[1:04:20] Thanks,

[1:04:21] everybody.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:21] Because the only thing that would make hanging out with you guys this way better is if instead

[1:04:25] of doing a podcast,

[1:04:26] we're all naked in a lukewarm tub somewhere.

[1:04:28] Mm-hmm.

[1:04:29] That would be great,

[1:04:30] right?

[1:04:31] Are you being sarcastic?

[1:04:32] I can't tell.

[1:04:33] No,

[1:04:33] not at all.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:35] Totally.

[1:04:36] Wait,

[1:04:36] so are you into it?

[1:04:37] I can't tell.

[1:04:38] No,

[1:04:39] it'd be real great.

[1:04:40] I'm a listener at home.

[1:04:41] I don't have any visual cues.

[1:04:43] I can't see Elliot rolling his eyes.

[1:04:46] But now,

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:48] it's time.

[1:04:48] The moment you've been waiting for.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:50] For the next segment of the show,

[1:04:52] which is called Letters from Listeners.

[1:04:54] It's everyone's favorite segment.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:56] From listeners?

[1:04:57] Everyone's favorite segment.

[1:05:00] And the favorite part of the favorite segment is the song.

[1:05:05] It'll be a long song,

[1:05:07] probably.

[1:05:09] A song so long,

[1:05:11] possibly,

[1:05:12] that it just goes on,

[1:05:13] incredibly.

[1:05:15] And on,

[1:05:16] reliably,

[1:05:17] it's the song part

[1:05:19] of the letters segment,

[1:05:21] where I sing about the song

[1:05:23] for the letters segment.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:26] You know,

[1:05:27] I used to sort of just pretend to be annoyed,

[1:05:29] but over time,

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:31] it's crowned me down.

[1:05:33] That was the song about the song.

[1:05:35] Oh,

[1:05:35] God damn it.

[1:05:35] This is the song that is the song.

[1:05:38] It's the letters time,

[1:05:40] letters time,

[1:05:41] letters time,

[1:05:42] for letters.

[1:05:44] Dan,

[1:05:45] read us some letters.

[1:05:47] Okay.

[1:05:47] Stuart makes some jokes about the letters.

[1:05:50] Letter writers write in the letters.

[1:05:53] And Elliot sing this song about the letters.

[1:05:56] We all have our part to play in the play of life.

[1:06:01] Everyone has a role,

[1:06:03] drama,

[1:06:04] and strife.

[1:06:05] But at the end of the day,

[1:06:07] we take our bows,

[1:06:09] fall into the grave,

[1:06:10] and then somehow,

[1:06:12] we're together again.

[1:06:14] in heaven again.

[1:06:17] Oh,

[1:06:17] wow.

[1:06:18] With letters.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:20] All right.

[1:06:20] Letters is taped before a live studio audience.

[1:06:23] I'm assuming there are listeners

[1:06:24] who have now stopped,

[1:06:25] like,

[1:06:26] smashing that skip 15 seconds button

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:28] on their iPhones.

[1:06:29] Oh,

[1:06:30] I didn't even think about that.

[1:06:31] People probably do do that.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:33] Do do.

[1:06:34] Anyway,

[1:06:35] my husband introduced me to your show.

[1:06:37] This is the letter.

[1:06:38] This is the letter.

[1:06:39] Dan,

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:39] this is not your way of explaining to us

[1:06:41] that one,

[1:06:41] you're gay,

[1:06:42] and two,

[1:06:42] you're married.

[1:06:43] I'm not,

[1:06:44] well,

[1:06:45] not really surprised you're gay,

[1:06:46] and I'm happy that you feel comfortable coming out.

[1:06:48] I am offended I was not invited to your wedding.

[1:06:51] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:52] It was very small.

[1:06:55] It was me and a bunch of mice.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:59] Oh,

[1:06:59] they were all wearing blue tuxedos.

[1:07:00] Held inside a tree.

[1:07:05] No,

[1:07:05] this is the letter.

[1:07:06] You guys have got to help me.

[1:07:07] I fell through a rabbit hole

[1:07:08] into a magical fantasy land

[1:07:09] and got married.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:12] Instead of a wedding cake,

[1:07:13] you gotta hide me.

[1:07:15] Instead of a wedding cake,

[1:07:15] we had one E.L. fudge cookie.

[1:07:18] Dan,

[1:07:18] what's with the cough, bro?

[1:07:20] I've been sick.

[1:07:20] Have you been smoking all that weed?

Dan McCoy

[1:07:21] I've been sick.

[1:07:22] Yeah,

[1:07:23] 420 dudes.

[1:07:25] Oh,

[1:07:25] man.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:27] It was the laziest yes ending.

[1:07:30] So,

[1:07:31] the letter,

[1:07:31] your husband.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:32] My husband introduced me to your show,

[1:07:34] and we've both been big fans

[1:07:35] for a few years now.

[1:07:37] Elliot,

[1:07:37] your letter songs

[1:07:38] are the high point of every show.

[1:07:40] Yeah.

[1:07:40] For real.

[1:07:41] Yeah,

[1:07:41] thank you.

[1:07:41] And your sliced alone impressions

[1:07:42] are a rare and wonderful delight.

[1:07:44] Don't know what you're talking about.

[1:07:45] Yeah.

[1:07:45] Dan,

[1:07:46] you're funnier than the other guys

[1:07:48] give you credit for.

[1:07:49] You're totally,

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:50] you're totally,

[1:07:52] Let me just,

[1:07:52] let me just give that compliment

[1:07:54] overhand.

[1:07:55] Let me,

[1:07:55] Nope.

[1:07:56] Let me just love it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:58] Let me,

[1:07:58] is this prey is faint enough?

[1:08:00] Let's make it a little fainter.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:03] Your totally deadpan delivery

[1:08:04] is the best

[1:08:06] and makes me LOL for real.

[1:08:08] Stuart,

[1:08:09] your super hotness

[1:08:09] combined with your deep knowledge

[1:08:11] of esoteric

[1:08:11] Lord of the Rings trivia

[1:08:13] makes you too dreamy

[1:08:14] for this world.

[1:08:16] Okay,

[1:08:16] I hope you're all,

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:17] But maybe dreamy enough

[1:08:18] for the Grey Havens.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:20] Hope you're all sufficiently buttered up

[1:08:22] because I need your help.

[1:08:23] Uh oh.

[1:08:24] I'm a new mom.

[1:08:26] My daughter is,

[1:08:27] Yeah.

[1:08:27] Yeah,

[1:08:28] my daughter is six months old

[1:08:29] and I'm struggling

[1:08:30] with some postpartum depression.

[1:08:32] Well,

[1:08:32] you don't have to show her

[1:08:33] Robocop until she's nine.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:35] Like my dad did with me.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:37] I'm struggling

[1:08:38] with some postpartum depression.

[1:08:40] Sorry to hear that.

[1:08:40] And I need some sad

[1:08:41] movie recommendations.

[1:08:43] Here's why.

[1:08:43] I've always been someone

[1:08:44] who has a hard time

[1:08:45] really letting go

[1:08:46] and crying

[1:08:47] even when I feel very sad.

[1:08:49] I'm not sure why.

[1:08:50] I don't have any trouble

[1:08:51] feeling sad about sad things.

[1:08:53] I just have trouble

[1:08:53] tapping in

[1:08:54] and getting outwardly

[1:08:55] emotional about it

[1:08:56] even when it might help.

[1:08:58] But I've often relied

[1:08:59] on sad movies

[1:08:59] to get help

[1:09:00] to help get

[1:09:01] the waterworks going.

[1:09:03] For some reason,

[1:09:04] even when I can't work up

[1:09:05] any tears about

[1:09:06] very real sad things

[1:09:07] in my own life,

[1:09:08] a really sad movie

[1:09:08] can get me there.

[1:09:09] I can understand that.

[1:09:11] So now that I'm feeling

[1:09:12] some serious baby blues,

[1:09:14] I should use

[1:09:14] I could use a few

[1:09:15] recommendations

[1:09:15] of some sad movies

[1:09:16] to help me have a good

[1:09:17] cathartic cry

[1:09:18] when I need it.

[1:09:19] Well,

[1:09:19] don't read the comic strip

[1:09:20] baby blues

[1:09:20] because it's hilarious.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:23] You'll be crying

[1:09:23] with laughter.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:24] What are the saddest

[1:09:25] movies you can think of?

[1:09:26] For a while,

[1:09:27] my number one sad movie

[1:09:28] was The House of Sand

[1:09:29] and Fog,

[1:09:29] which reduced me

[1:09:30] to a quivering pile

[1:09:31] of tears.

[1:09:32] Then I saw

[1:09:32] The Wind That Shakes

[1:09:33] the Barley.

[1:09:34] And now that might be

[1:09:35] my top sad movie

[1:09:36] of all time.

[1:09:36] That's very sad.

[1:09:37] Anyway,

[1:09:37] can you help me cry?

[1:09:39] Sarah Lastname with help.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:40] Well,

[1:09:40] if you're looking to cry

[1:09:41] and you're me,

[1:09:42] you gotta go

[1:09:43] to the Iron Giant.

[1:09:44] But that's not a sad movie.

[1:09:45] It just makes me cry.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:46] Yeah,

[1:09:46] I mean,

[1:09:47] are we just talking about

[1:09:48] movies that make us cry,

[1:09:49] Dan,

[1:09:49] or are we talking about

[1:09:50] things that are sad?

[1:09:50] Well,

[1:09:50] that's the thing.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:51] Because for me,

[1:09:52] really sad movies

[1:09:54] don't make me cry so much.

[1:09:55] I find that

[1:09:56] a movie that has

[1:09:58] some sort of

[1:09:58] cathartic moment

[1:09:59] or transcendent moment

[1:10:01] is what makes me cry.

[1:10:02] Yeah,

Dan McCoy

[1:10:02] I can see that.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:04] Or even just,

[1:10:05] if a movie reaches

[1:10:06] a height of

[1:10:06] a particular

[1:10:08] level of quality,

[1:10:10] I'll find myself

[1:10:11] tearing up

[1:10:11] just in joy

[1:10:13] at the thing

[1:10:13] that I'm watching.

[1:10:14] Just knowing

[1:10:14] that you'll never

[1:10:15] accomplish the same

[1:10:16] level of quality

[1:10:17] in your own life.

[1:10:18] Now that's what

[1:10:19] I'm trying about,

[1:10:19] yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:20] I think I'm gonna

[1:10:20] stop beating

[1:10:20] around the bush,

[1:10:21] guys,

[1:10:22] and just start

[1:10:22] listening to movies

[1:10:23] that make me cry.

[1:10:24] Okay.

[1:10:24] Castle Freak?

[1:10:25] Return of the King,

[1:10:26] those end credits,

[1:10:27] I fucking cry.

[1:10:28] I can't help it,

[1:10:29] dude.

[1:10:30] That's okay.

[1:10:32] Most movies,

[1:10:33] some movies with Tom,

[1:10:34] let's just say

[1:10:34] some movies

[1:10:35] with Tom Hanks.

[1:10:36] Not Bachelor Party,

[1:10:37] that does not make me cry.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:38] I know Captain Phillips,

[1:10:39] you have very deep

[1:10:40] Captain Phillips,

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:40] man,

[1:10:40] holy shit,

[1:10:41] it's like watching

[1:10:41] my dad cry.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:43] That one made me,

[1:10:44] yeah.

[1:10:45] Toy Story 3,

[1:10:46] dude.

[1:10:46] Yeah,

[1:10:47] Toy Story 3

[1:10:47] is a tearjer.

[1:10:47] Hold on,

[1:10:48] if you feel nothing

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:49] watching Toy Story 3,

[1:10:51] you are a block of stone.

[1:10:53] And ironically,

[1:10:53] you are a toy.

[1:10:55] Yep.

[1:10:56] Or,

[1:10:57] this is not a movie,

[1:10:58] but this gets me every time.

[1:10:59] Just put on the fucking

[1:11:00] Hamilton soundtrack.

[1:11:02] Oh man,

[1:11:02] the second half of that soundtrack?

[1:11:04] Either wait for it,

[1:11:05] or the one at the end

[1:11:07] where Aaron Burr's singing.

[1:11:09] Like,

[1:11:10] that shit always gets me.

[1:11:11] Wait,

[1:11:11] which one at the end

[1:11:12] where Aaron Burr's singing?

[1:11:12] You know the one

[1:11:13] where he sings,

[1:11:14] after Hamilton's been shot.

[1:11:16] About like,

Dan McCoy

[1:11:16] how there was enough room

[1:11:17] for both of them

[1:11:18] in the world?

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:19] Yeah,

[1:11:19] yeah,

[1:11:19] world is wide enough.

[1:11:20] That's the name of the song.

[1:11:21] And then there's the other song

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:22] that his wife sings.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:23] For some reason,

[1:11:24] the Aaron Burr shit

[1:11:25] gets me worse.

[1:11:26] I think it's because

[1:11:26] it reminds me of

[1:11:27] the end of Return of the King,

[1:11:29] the animated movie,

[1:11:30] where Gollum dies

[1:11:31] because he's such like

[1:11:32] this sad,

[1:11:33] tragic figure.

[1:11:34] That's true.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:34] It's Quiet Uptown

[1:11:36] and then like,

[1:11:36] the song that his wife sings

[1:11:37] about like,

[1:11:38] you know,

[1:11:39] continuing his story,

[1:11:40] like who writes the story.

[1:11:41] That's the last,

[1:11:41] that's the end one.

[1:11:42] Those ones make me.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:44] Yeah.

[1:11:44] So,

[1:11:44] but there's also sad movies

[1:11:45] that aren't tearjerkers.

[1:11:47] Like,

[1:11:48] maybe the most depressing movie

[1:11:51] that I can think of

[1:11:52] that I really like

[1:11:53] is Cries and Whispers.

[1:11:54] Okay.

[1:11:55] Which is a hugely,

[1:11:56] like it's a rough experience,

[1:11:57] but it didn't make me cry.

[1:11:58] It just kind of like,

[1:11:59] left me shaking.

[1:12:00] Like in the end,

[1:12:01] not shaking in the same way

[1:12:02] that Fury Road left me shaking,

[1:12:04] where I could not stand up

[1:12:05] for a couple minutes

[1:12:06] after I watched it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:06] You were shaking to towel

[1:12:07] all the jizzum off your body.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:10] It was like,

[1:12:11] I'm all shiny and chrome.

[1:12:13] It was,

[1:12:13] oh,

[1:12:14] gross.

[1:12:15] It's like,

[1:12:15] I was like,

[1:12:16] I could,

[1:12:17] every molecule in my body

[1:12:18] was vibrating

[1:12:19] at a different level

[1:12:20] than usual.

[1:12:21] But,

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:21] like,

[1:12:22] I'm trying to think,

[1:12:22] what's it?

[1:12:24] Yeah,

[1:12:24] that a sphere

[1:12:25] impaled my head.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:26] Another one is,

[1:12:27] another one is,

[1:12:28] uh,

[1:12:29] Grave of the Fireflies,

[1:12:31] animated movie from Japan.

[1:12:32] Sure.

[1:12:32] It's also a very sad movie

[1:12:34] and also may make you cry

[1:12:36] depending on how you handle

[1:12:37] child death.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:39] Is it a problem

[1:12:40] if there are

[1:12:41] subtitles or not?

[1:12:42] Because,

[1:12:43] like,

[1:12:43] I recommended

[1:12:43] Pater Panchali

[1:12:45] a while ago

[1:12:46] on this podcast

[1:12:48] and,

[1:12:48] like,

[1:12:48] that has,

[1:12:49] it ends in a very sad way

[1:12:51] and,

[1:12:51] like,

[1:12:52] The Life of Oharu

[1:12:53] is a very sad movie.

[1:12:54] Sancho the Bailiff

[1:12:55] is a,

[1:12:56] you know,

[1:12:56] like,

[1:12:57] Ugetsu is not

[1:12:58] super sad

[1:13:00] but it ends in a,

[1:13:01] in a way that makes me cry.

[1:13:02] Like,

[1:13:02] there's those,

[1:13:03] you know,

[1:13:03] there's,

[1:13:04] there's this period

[1:13:05] of,

[1:13:05] like,

[1:13:05] Japanese movies

[1:13:06] where they're not

[1:13:06] tearjerker movies

[1:13:08] but,

[1:13:09] that end up

[1:13:10] in a very heavily

[1:13:11] emotional way,

[1:13:12] you know?

[1:13:13] Yeah.

[1:13:13] I guess every,

[1:13:14] I don't know why

[1:13:14] I'm singling out Japanese movies.

[1:13:15] Every country has movies

[1:13:16] that makes people cry,

[1:13:17] you know?

Dan McCoy

[1:13:18] Yeah.

[1:13:18] I mean,

[1:13:18] I think it's a,

[1:13:19] I have a hard time,

[1:13:20] like,

[1:13:21] if,

[1:13:21] if you're just looking

[1:13:22] for sad movies,

[1:13:23] I don't necessarily,

[1:13:24] like,

[1:13:25] know ones that make me cry

[1:13:26] because,

[1:13:26] like,

[1:13:27] sadness in and of itself

[1:13:28] isn't what makes me cry,

[1:13:29] like I said.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:30] I mean,

[1:13:30] if you're watching

[1:13:31] League of Their Own,

[1:13:32] the scene where

[1:13:32] Betty Spaghetti learns

[1:13:33] their,

Dan McCoy

[1:13:33] their husband has died,

[1:13:35] that's gonna make you cry

[1:13:36] probably.

[1:13:37] Come on.

[1:13:38] But I've said before

[1:13:39] that,

[1:13:40] like,

[1:13:40] pretty much every Wes Anderson movie

[1:13:41] has a moment of,

[1:13:42] like,

[1:13:43] like,

[1:13:43] catharsis that makes me cry.

[1:13:45] Like,

[1:13:45] there's stuff like

[1:13:46] the very end,

[1:13:47] uh,

[1:13:48] Even the Fantastic Mr. Fox?

[1:13:49] No,

[1:13:50] not that one.

[1:13:51] Okay.

[1:13:51] Yeah,

[1:13:51] not his best movie.

[1:13:52] The very,

[1:13:53] the very end,

[1:13:54] uh,

[1:13:55] monologue in Raising Arizona

[1:13:57] always makes me cry.

[1:13:58] Sure,

[1:13:58] that makes me cry for sure,

[1:13:59] yeah.

[1:14:00] I don't know why

[1:14:00] because it's inherently

[1:14:02] pretty silly,

[1:14:03] but it's,

[1:14:04] But it's beautiful.

[1:14:05] It's,

[1:14:05] yeah,

[1:14:05] it's heartfelt.

[1:14:06] And it's,

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:07] and it's some,

[1:14:07] it is a silly character

[1:14:08] who is laying bare

[1:14:09] his soul and his hopes

[1:14:11] at that moment.

[1:14:12] Mm-hmm.

[1:14:15] So,

[1:14:15] just put on.

[1:14:16] Hopefully some of the,

[1:14:16] those were,

[1:14:17] I feel like,

[1:14:17] I feel like we've,

[1:14:18] these are a lot of very,

[1:14:19] like,

[1:14:20] guy heavy

[1:14:21] versions of

[1:14:23] sad movies.

[1:14:23] Right.

[1:14:24] A number of them involve,

[1:14:25] uh,

[1:14:26] crying at,

[1:14:27] like,

[1:14:28] dudes learning things

[1:14:29] or robots

[1:14:30] or toys.

[1:14:33] Or,

[1:14:33] epic quests

[1:14:34] having come to an end.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:35] Those are the,

[1:14:37] Shakespeare said that those

[1:14:38] were the key plots,

[1:14:38] right?

[1:14:39] Yeah,

[1:14:39] yeah,

[1:14:39] exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:39] I mean,

[1:14:41] like,

[1:14:41] I feel like I don't,

[1:14:44] not knowing this person well,

[1:14:45] I don't know if I'm the right

[1:14:46] person to answer it,

[1:14:46] probably because,

[1:14:47] like,

[1:14:48] something that made me cry a lot

[1:14:49] was there was a book I read

[1:14:50] about Grant and Sherman's

[1:14:51] friendship,

[1:14:52] and it ended with a long

[1:14:53] description of the veterans

[1:14:55] of the Civil War

[1:14:56] going on their last parade

[1:14:58] past the,

[1:14:59] a reviewing stand,

[1:15:00] than,

[1:15:01] like,

[1:15:01] these men having been

[1:15:02] through this experience

[1:15:03] and now it was all over,

[1:15:05] like,

[1:15:05] that made,

[1:15:06] choked me up,

[1:15:06] but,

[1:15:07] like,

[1:15:08] I don't know if that's

[1:15:08] something that another

[1:15:09] person would react to.

[1:15:10] You don't know what,

[1:15:11] if you're gonna react to the

[1:15:12] same thing someone else will.

[1:15:13] So these are,

[1:15:13] hopefully,

[1:15:14] We're admitting that we're

[1:15:15] coming from a very

[1:15:16] specific perspective.

[1:15:17] Yes,

[1:15:17] but hopefully some of these

[1:15:19] will help you find

[1:15:20] what you're looking for.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:22] Uh,

[1:15:22] this next letter.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:23] Because I still

[1:15:24] haven't found.

[1:15:26] Oh,

[1:15:26] it's like a fucking angel

[1:15:27] over here.

[1:15:28] What you're looking for.

[1:15:30] Spider-Man,

[1:15:30] turn on.

[1:15:30] off the dark.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:32] This next letter goes,

[1:15:33] Hey guys,

[1:15:34] in episode 150,

[1:15:35] Grudge Match,

[1:15:36] you casually asked

[1:15:36] what Amy Irving is up to.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:39] Well,

[1:15:40] she's me.

[1:15:41] Signed,

[1:15:41] Amy,

[1:15:41] last name with L.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:42] I had some spare time

[1:15:43] while re-listening

[1:15:44] to the episode

[1:15:44] this past weekend,

[1:15:45] so here's a list

[1:15:46] of recent credits.

[1:15:47] Dan,

[1:15:48] you're right,

[1:15:48] she was on Alias.

[1:15:50] Movies.

[1:15:51] Traffic,

[1:15:51] 2000.

[1:15:52] 13 Conversations

[1:15:53] About One Thing,

[1:15:54] 2001.

[1:15:55] Was that the traffic?

[1:15:56] Wait,

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:56] was that Steven Soderbergh's

[1:15:57] traffic?

[1:15:57] Who was she in that?

Dan McCoy

[1:15:59] 2002.

[1:16:00] Hide and Seek,

[1:16:01] 2005.

[1:16:02] Adam,

[1:16:02] 2009.

[1:16:03] Here's some recent credits.

[1:16:05] Seven years ago,

[1:16:06] 14 years ago,

[1:16:07] 16 years ago.

[1:16:08] TV,

[1:16:08] reoccurring roles in Alias,

[1:16:11] and Zero Hour,

[1:16:12] guest roles in House,

[1:16:13] and The Good Wife.

[1:16:15] 2015,

[1:16:16] 2015,

[1:16:16] The Good Wife.

[1:16:16] That's the most recent one.

[1:16:18] To make this...

[1:16:19] You should play

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:19] Josh Charles Murderer.

[1:16:22] Spoiler.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:24] To make this less

[1:16:25] of an insane response

[1:16:26] to an offhand question

[1:16:27] by someone who needs

[1:16:28] more hobbies,

[1:16:29] I'll attach a question.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:29] I'll pretend I have a question.

[1:16:31] Was Amy Irving

[1:16:32] related to Washington Irving?

[1:16:33] Look it up.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:35] Which actor do you wish

[1:16:36] got more work these days?

[1:16:37] Is it Amy Irving?

[1:16:38] Is it Val Kilmer?

[1:16:40] I'm really interested

[1:16:40] in favorites of yours

[1:16:41] that have fallen off the radar

[1:16:43] in the last decade or so.

[1:16:44] R-O-C-K in the USA, OPs.

[1:16:47] John, last name withheld.

[1:16:49] So,

[1:16:50] are there any favorites of ours

[1:16:52] that we wish

[1:16:52] got more work these days?

[1:16:54] I mean,

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:54] there's a lot of older actors

[1:16:55] that don't work,

[1:16:56] that I want to see in movies,

[1:16:57] but they're just...

[1:16:58] They're retired?

[1:17:00] Like Gene Hackman,

[1:17:00] for instance.

[1:17:01] Yeah.

[1:17:01] Gene Hackman,

[1:17:02] or like you don't see...

[1:17:03] Shannon Tweed.

[1:17:03] You don't see like

[1:17:04] Harry Dean Stanton

[1:17:05] in movies very much,

[1:17:06] but like he's very elderly now.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:07] Shannon Tweed.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:09] But like,

[1:17:10] you know,

[1:17:11] long-time listeners know

[1:17:13] I'm a big fan of Carla Gugino,

[1:17:15] and I wish that she was a bigger...

[1:17:16] Oh,

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:16] but she's got something coming up.

[1:17:19] She was just in like,

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:19] what,

[1:17:20] San Andreas,

[1:17:20] or whatever it was?

Dan McCoy

[1:17:21] She was on that

[1:17:22] terrible Cameron Crowe show,

[1:17:24] Roadies.

[1:17:25] Oh,

[1:17:25] she was?

[1:17:26] Yeah.

[1:17:26] I mean,

[1:17:26] it wasn't terrible.

[1:17:27] It just wasn't very good.

[1:17:28] If I had known that,

[1:17:29] I might have watched it.

[1:17:30] I watched a few episodes.

[1:17:32] I was like,

[1:17:32] I don't need to keep watching this,

[1:17:34] but I can see how it's pleasant.

[1:17:36] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:36] Oh,

[1:17:37] man,

[1:17:37] my brain shut down,

[1:17:38] but she's in

[1:17:39] a movie that,

[1:17:40] or she's in a TV show

[1:17:41] that's based on a movie

[1:17:43] that I can't remember

[1:17:44] the name of now.

[1:17:45] Look it up,

[1:17:46] guys.

[1:17:47] Carla Gugino.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:48] Good IMDb.

[1:17:49] I feel like Jeff Goldblum

[1:17:50] was all over the place

[1:17:51] for a while,

[1:17:51] and then I don't feel like

[1:17:53] I've seen him.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:53] just on Portlandia

[1:17:54] every now and then.

[1:17:54] Yeah.

[1:17:56] I miss that guy.

[1:17:57] Of course,

[1:17:57] I'm going to say

[1:17:58] Jeffrey Combs.

[1:18:00] It's crazy that that guy

[1:18:01] isn't in every movie.

[1:18:02] I love that guy.

[1:18:04] Barbara Crampton,

[1:18:05] luckily,

[1:18:05] has been getting to see

[1:18:06] a little bit more work lately.

[1:18:08] That's awesome.

[1:18:10] I'm trying to think.

[1:18:12] Oh,

[1:18:13] I mean,

[1:18:14] I guess he's never been

[1:18:14] in a ton of stuff,

[1:18:15] but I'm a big fan

[1:18:16] of Enver Yokai.

[1:18:18] Yeah.

[1:18:18] I think I'm pronouncing

[1:18:19] that correctly

[1:18:19] from Dollhouse,

[1:18:20] and he was in

[1:18:21] Agent Carter.

[1:18:24] Don't even get me started

[1:18:25] on Agent Carter.

[1:18:26] Yeah.

[1:18:27] I'll never stop,

[1:18:28] because that's a show

[1:18:29] that I like.

[1:18:32] So much that you'll

Dan McCoy

[1:18:33] never stop?

[1:18:34] I'll never stop

[1:18:35] talking about it.

[1:18:37] This is a tough one,

[1:18:38] because I feel like

[1:18:39] there's so many,

[1:18:40] and yet I can't

[1:18:41] think of them.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:42] Is Charles S. Dutton

[1:18:44] in that new Star Wars movie

[1:18:45] that's coming up?

[1:18:46] He is.

[1:18:47] Okay,

[1:18:47] because I like him a lot,

[1:18:48] and he's someone,

[1:18:48] I haven't seen him

[1:18:50] in too much stuff lately.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:51] Oh,

[1:18:52] she's in,

[1:18:52] Carla Gugino's

[1:18:53] in Gerald's Game.

[1:18:56] Oh,

[1:18:56] really?

[1:18:56] Which I think

[1:18:56] they're making a movie.

[1:18:57] Yeah,

[1:18:58] they're doing,

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:58] oh,

[1:18:58] I thought that that got,

[1:19:00] wasn't gonna happen though.

[1:19:01] Are they doing

[1:19:01] a movie of it still?

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:02] I think that's

[1:19:03] what it looks like.

[1:19:04] Bruce Greenwood

[1:19:05] is in it.

[1:19:06] You love Bruce Greenwood.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:09] No real opinion

[1:19:09] on Bruce Greenwood.

[1:19:12] I love Bruce Greenwood.

[1:19:14] No,

[1:19:14] he's fine.

[1:19:16] He's fine.

[1:19:17] I'm glad he's working too.

[1:19:18] Yeah.

[1:19:20] So the answer is

[1:19:21] Bruce Greenwood.

[1:19:21] I mean,

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:21] there's a certain time

[1:19:22] when I would.

[1:19:23] You know the guy

[1:19:23] who played Lurch

[1:19:24] in Addams Family's

[1:19:25] in it?

[1:19:26] You love the Addams Family.

[1:19:27] I mean,

[1:19:28] I do.

[1:19:28] I mean,

[1:19:29] I was a fan of those movies

Dan McCoy

[1:19:30] when I was a kid.

[1:19:30] No matter how good they are,

[1:19:33] everyone seems to ebb and flow.

[1:19:35] Oh, sure.

[1:19:36] I feel like until

[1:19:36] the night of on HBO,

[1:19:40] I feel like I hadn't seen

[1:19:41] John Turturro in a while.

[1:19:42] Oh,

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:42] I see him all the time

[1:19:43] in my neighborhood

[1:19:44] walking around.

[1:19:45] Really?

[1:19:45] So I did not feel like

[1:19:46] I hadn't seen him in a while.

[1:19:48] Yeah, yeah.

[1:19:48] Because half the time

[1:19:49] he's like walking into traffic

[1:19:51] and then cars are honking at him.

[1:19:52] He's like,

[1:19:53] hey,

[1:19:53] I'm John Turturro.

[1:19:54] He's like,

[1:19:54] I'm Turturro here.

[1:19:56] He's just kind of in his own world.

[1:19:57] But there's,

[1:19:59] yeah,

[1:19:59] I mean,

[1:20:00] that's the having a career

[1:20:02] is sometimes you work a lot

[1:20:03] and sometimes you don't.

[1:20:05] And there are a lot of times when

[1:20:06] Sometimes you feel like a nut

[1:20:07] and sometimes you don't.

[1:20:08] You know,

[1:20:08] like Gene Wilder passed away recently

[1:20:10] and for a long time I was like,

[1:20:12] I want someone to do for Gene Wilder

[1:20:14] what Wes Anderson did for Bill Murray,

[1:20:16] which was like,

[1:20:18] take someone who had been

[1:20:19] not as much in the public eye

[1:20:21] and like make a small movie

[1:20:22] where they really get a chance to shine.

[1:20:24] Because Gene Wilder's had

[1:20:25] plenty of chances to shine.

[1:20:26] He's amazing.

[1:20:27] But like,

[1:20:27] I missed seeing new things with him.

[1:20:29] Yeah.

[1:20:30] But he also like,

[1:20:32] I think just didn't want to perform that much.

[1:20:34] Yeah.

[1:20:34] It was his choice.

[1:20:35] It was not the Hollywood's choice

[1:20:37] to not have Gene Wilder and things.

[1:20:38] It was his choice.

[1:20:39] And like,

[1:20:40] sometimes people just don't want to

[1:20:41] be doing stuff at the moment,

[1:20:42] you know.

[1:20:44] Which is not to say

[1:20:45] there aren't actors who are great

[1:20:46] who want to work and aren't,

[1:20:48] you know,

[1:20:49] because the industry is unfair.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:51] We are as always going long.

[1:20:53] So I think I'm going to skip

[1:20:54] to the last letter.

[1:20:54] Yeah, tell the affiliates.

[1:20:55] I'm going to skip to the final letter.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:57] What's the other,

[1:20:58] what's the one you're skipping about though?

Dan McCoy

[1:20:59] Why don't you read the one you're skipping?

[1:21:00] I'll read it very quickly

[1:21:01] and we won't discuss it.

[1:21:02] Okay.

[1:21:03] I mean,

[1:21:04] because there's really not that much to discuss.

[1:21:05] It was just kind of funny.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:06] Dear Dan,

[1:21:07] I love you.

[1:21:07] You're the best.

[1:21:07] Love Dan.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:08] Hello,

[1:21:08] hello.

[1:21:09] I just woke up after having a dream about you guys.

[1:21:11] Uh-oh.

[1:21:11] And I thought I'd share it with you.

[1:21:13] In my dream,

[1:21:13] there was a ping pong tournament

[1:21:14] being held against the podcasters.

[1:21:16] It was like a Mario tennis game

[1:21:18] in that everyone was using wired rackets

[1:21:20] and had special moves

[1:21:21] and Scott Aukerman was the ref.

[1:21:23] Your match,

[1:21:24] for some reason only Dan and Elliot

[1:21:25] were allowed to play

[1:21:26] as using Stewart would be considered cheating,

[1:21:29] was against How Did This Get Made.

[1:21:31] You guys won.

[1:21:32] The only other match I saw

[1:21:33] was Paul F. Tompkins versus John Hodgman.

[1:21:36] I didn't see the end of that.

[1:21:37] Almost too evenly matched.

[1:21:38] I didn't see the end of that one

[1:21:40] because Dan went on a pirate ship after that.

[1:21:45] I followed him there

[1:21:46] and we sang pirate songs

[1:21:47] for the rest of the night.

[1:21:48] Also,

[1:21:49] Dan was wearing a long black coat,

[1:21:50] turtleneck,

[1:21:51] and a scarf the whole time.

[1:21:52] He should wear that in real life.

[1:21:53] He looks good in it.

[1:21:55] How could you skip that letter?

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:56] That was a great letter.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:57] Moving on to the next one.

[1:21:58] All right.

[1:21:59] So,

[1:21:59] final letter of the evening.

[1:22:01] Dear Flophousers.

[1:22:03] Kohlhausers.

[1:22:04] Curious writers and like myself

[1:22:06] want to know,

[1:22:06] Dan,

[1:22:08] do you dip into the backlog of letters

[1:22:09] to select a regular slate

[1:22:11] of possibly pleasurable communiques

[1:22:13] to read on air?

[1:22:14] I imagine every letter

[1:22:15] is filed away

[1:22:16] in a Raiders of the Lost Ark style warehouse

[1:22:18] and pulled from the archives

[1:22:19] by the house cat secretary.

[1:22:22] I ask because I'm sure

[1:22:23] that for every long time listener,

[1:22:25] first time writer you read,

[1:22:27] there are thousands of regular writers

[1:22:28] who curse them

[1:22:30] and all the last name withhelds

[1:22:31] who make it onto the holiest of holies

[1:22:33] that movie mailbag.

[1:22:35] What does it take

[1:22:36] to scribe the perfect letter

[1:22:37] to appease you jackasses?

[1:22:39] Did I mention the house cat?

[1:22:41] Check.

[1:22:42] Did I make Dan sound great

[1:22:43] in the subject line?

[1:22:44] Check.

[1:22:45] Did I then seek to confound Dan

[1:22:47] and his tongue-tied tendencies

[1:22:49] with an injurious onslaught

[1:22:51] of ludicrously laborious language

[1:22:53] for the audience's regalement?

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:55] It's an alliterative assault.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:57] Dan, if you read that correctly,

[1:22:59] almost,

[1:22:59] you've been practicing.

[1:23:00] That was,

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:01] no,

[1:23:01] when Dan's tongue is like

[1:23:03] a friar tuck,

[1:23:07] if you will,

[1:23:08] you don't expect much from it

[1:23:10] until the big fight at the end

Dan McCoy

[1:23:12] and then he's an amazing battler.

[1:23:13] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:14] Up until then,

[1:23:15] it's just,

[1:23:16] give me back my mutton leg.

[1:23:17] Ah!

[1:23:18] But then at the end,

[1:23:19] it's like,

[1:23:19] bam, bam, bam, bam,

[1:23:20] taking down the sheriff's men.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:22] So for all of us

[1:23:23] whose letters don't make it past

[1:23:24] what I can only imagine

[1:23:26] to be a series of rigorous tests,

[1:23:29] a series of rigorous tests

[1:23:30] to judge their inherent

[1:23:32] comedic potential,

[1:23:33] what can we do?

[1:23:34] Do we need to wish upon

[1:23:35] a monkey's paw

[1:23:36] in order to just once

[1:23:37] hear my words given voice

[1:23:38] by the tyrant Daniel McCoy?

[1:23:40] Callback,

[1:23:41] check.

[1:23:42] How does it work?

[1:23:44] Whatever.

[1:23:45] CJ,

[1:23:45] last name withheld.

[1:23:46] P.S.,

[1:23:47] thanks for reading my letter,

[1:23:49] guys.

[1:23:49] Suck it,

[1:23:49] unread letter writers.

[1:23:50] I'm part of the club now.

[1:23:53] So,

[1:23:54] I'll say that

[1:23:55] the

[1:23:57] two greatest

[1:23:59] tricks the devil were pulled

[1:24:01] was convincing the world

[1:24:03] he didn't exist

[1:24:03] and inventing those

[1:24:04] gross circus peanuts

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:05] and keeping them in stores

[1:24:07] when everyone hates them

[1:24:08] and they're gross.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:09] And that trick

[1:24:09] where it makes it look like

[1:24:10] he's taking his thumb off.

[1:24:12] Yeah,

[1:24:12] yeah,

[1:24:13] that's a great trick,

[1:24:14] Dan,

[1:24:15] yeah.

[1:24:16] No,

[1:24:17] the two

[1:24:18] best guidelines

[1:24:20] for a good letter

[1:24:21] to be read

[1:24:22] on the Flophouse

[1:24:22] are the two

[1:24:24] guidelines

[1:24:24] for a good movie

[1:24:27] to be read,

[1:24:27] to be watched

[1:24:28] on the Flophouse.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:29] I think I know

[1:24:29] one of these.

[1:24:30] One,

Dan McCoy

[1:24:31] it's short.

[1:24:32] Yeah.

[1:24:33] And two,

[1:24:35] it seems like something

[1:24:36] that will foster

[1:24:36] some discussion.

[1:24:38] So,

[1:24:39] if you want

[1:24:39] to write a letter,

[1:24:42] you know,

[1:24:42] keep it pithy

[1:24:43] and maybe ask

[1:24:45] a question

[1:24:45] that can

[1:24:47] inspire us

[1:24:48] to talk about

[1:24:49] some stuff.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:49] Yeah,

[1:24:50] I mean,

[1:24:50] and failing that

[1:24:51] just be funny.

[1:24:52] Yeah,

[1:24:52] you just got to put us

[1:24:53] on the spot

[1:24:53] so we search

[1:24:55] for an answer

[1:24:56] and then we're like,

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:57] oh.

[1:24:57] I wish Dan told us

[1:24:58] about this ahead of time.

[1:24:59] Email us

[1:25:00] or some shit.

[1:25:01] Yeah.

[1:25:02] I mentioned you

[1:25:03] many times,

[1:25:03] Dan.

[1:25:04] There's like a question

[1:25:05] where they're like,

[1:25:05] give me,

[1:25:06] can you recommend

[1:25:07] da da da da to me?

[1:25:08] Sure.

[1:25:08] Can you notify

[1:25:09] most of those

[1:25:09] ahead of time

[1:25:10] so we can look them up?

[1:25:11] No,

[1:25:11] it's funnier

[1:25:12] if we sound stupid.

[1:25:14] Yeah,

[1:25:14] it's certainly funnier

[1:25:14] if we sound stupid.

[1:25:16] I think a lot of times,

[1:25:17] I'll start thinking about it.

[1:25:18] I think it helps

[1:25:19] when you write into

[1:25:19] anything that you like

[1:25:21] to lose the first instinct

[1:25:23] which is to be like,

[1:25:25] they're going to notice

[1:25:26] this letter

[1:25:26] and they're going to know

[1:25:27] I'm cool

[1:25:27] and they're going to

[1:25:28] want to be friends with me.

[1:25:29] Which is certainly

[1:25:30] how I wrote into things

[1:25:31] for years.

[1:25:32] That's how,

[1:25:32] when I wrote a fan letter

[1:25:34] to the band Tool,

[1:25:35] that's certainly

[1:25:37] what I did.

[1:25:39] And just be like,

[1:25:40] hey,

[1:25:41] I'm going to write something

[1:25:41] that either says

[1:25:42] what I'm thinking about

[1:25:43] how I appreciate it

[1:25:44] or is a question

[1:25:45] and then I'm going to

[1:25:45] say something nice

[1:25:46] and get out.

[1:25:47] Like Dan was saying,

[1:25:48] it's like the same way

[1:25:50] that you get ahead

[1:25:51] more in a job

[1:25:52] by acting professional

[1:25:53] than in like

[1:25:54] doing big stunts

[1:25:56] that people are going

[1:25:57] to notice,

[1:25:58] you know.

[1:25:59] Yeah.

[1:25:59] Because Dan doesn't

[1:26:00] read the crazy letters.

[1:26:02] Those are for a special podcast

[1:26:04] called Dan McCoy's Crazy File.

[1:26:06] And we get so many letters.

[1:26:09] I don't want to like...

[1:26:09] The days of Dan

[1:26:10] having to ask for letters

[1:26:12] on the podcast

[1:26:12] are over.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:14] I don't want to like...

[1:26:14] He was like,

[1:26:15] mom,

[1:26:15] can you just write in a letter

[1:26:16] and just change your name?

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:19] I don't...

[1:26:20] Mom,

[1:26:20] last name with L.

[1:26:21] Like,

[1:26:21] oh, mom,

[1:26:22] you can't write that.

[1:26:24] Oh, no.

[1:26:25] Mom,

[1:26:26] you're ruining my cast.

[1:26:27] Oh.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:28] I don't want to make it sound

[1:26:30] like I'm like

[1:26:30] big timing everyone,

[1:26:31] but like,

[1:26:32] we get a lot of letters

[1:26:33] at this point.

[1:26:35] So...

[1:26:35] It's what you're saying

[1:26:36] is letters.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:37] We get letters.

[1:26:38] From listeners.

[1:26:38] We get lots

[1:26:39] and lots of letters.

[1:26:41] Letters.

[1:26:42] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:43] Copyright Paul Schaefer.

[1:26:45] So,

[1:26:46] I'm just saying that

[1:26:47] because like,

[1:26:48] sometimes letters

[1:26:49] just get lost

[1:26:50] in the sea

[1:26:51] of other letters.

[1:26:52] so if you're really

[1:26:53] keen on

[1:26:55] being acknowledged

[1:26:57] on the show,

[1:26:57] maybe just

[1:26:58] keep trying

[1:27:00] but follow the guidelines.

[1:27:02] Wow.

[1:27:04] What?

[1:27:04] No,

[1:27:05] that's fine.

[1:27:05] I don't think that

[1:27:06] that was too harsh.

[1:27:06] Lay down the wall.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:07] No,

[1:27:07] Judge Dredd.

[1:27:07] Sure.

[1:27:08] Okay.

[1:27:09] That makes you

[1:27:10] Rob Schneider,

[1:27:11] dude.

[1:27:12] No.

[1:27:12] And I'm Armand Asante.

[1:27:14] Wait a minute.

[1:27:15] Hold on a second.

[1:27:16] Woo.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:16] Wasn't he the bad guy,

[1:27:17] though?

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:18] I'm the bad guy.

[1:27:20] What voice is that?

[1:27:21] Rob Schneider

[1:27:22] making copies.

[1:27:24] But I thought

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:24] you were Armand Asante.

[1:27:26] But I'm making fun of you.

[1:27:27] Oh, man.

[1:27:29] That's what it was like

[1:27:30] on the set,

[1:27:30] I'm sure, too.

[1:27:31] I'm sure.

[1:27:32] Hey, Rob,

[1:27:32] who am I?

[1:27:33] Making copies.

[1:27:35] Yeah,

[1:27:35] you know,

[1:27:35] I get it,

[1:27:35] Armand,

[1:27:36] yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:37] Oh,

[1:27:37] the Schneider band.

[1:27:39] Before we move on,

[1:27:40] I forgot one thing.

[1:27:42] Jan's cracking open

[1:27:43] his book bag.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:44] Uh-oh,

[1:27:44] it's full of books

[1:27:45] and a thermos of soup.

[1:27:46] So,

[1:27:47] uh,

[1:27:47] there's one other note.

[1:27:49] Long time listener.

[1:27:53] He literally

[1:27:54] pulled out his backpack,

[1:27:56] unzipped it,

[1:27:56] and then pulled out

[1:27:57] a folded piece of paper.

[1:27:58] It was like

[1:27:59] he was finding

[1:28:00] a treasure map.

[1:28:01] Like,

[1:28:02] a bottle washed up

[1:28:03] on shore

[1:28:04] while Dan was talking

[1:28:05] and he pulled out

[1:28:05] the note.

Stuart Wellington

[1:28:07] Subject line,

[1:28:08] Goonies never die.

[1:28:10] Long time.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:12] The secret

[1:28:14] of Blackbeard's cave.

[1:28:16] Long time.

[1:28:17] Get Tintin in here.

[1:28:19] That's the secret.

[1:28:22] No,

[1:28:22] get Tintin

[1:28:23] and the Duck

[1:28:23] Brothers.

[1:28:25] We're gonna find

[1:28:26] this one out.

Dan McCoy

[1:28:28] It goes,

[1:28:29] Hello,

[1:28:29] Peaches.

[1:28:29] Long time listener.

[1:28:30] First time gifter.

[1:28:31] I've been saving this gift

[1:28:32] for a couple months now

[1:28:33] as I waited for

[1:28:34] Shocktober to arrive

[1:28:35] and I'm also pretty lazy

[1:28:36] but here you go.

[1:28:37] First,

[1:28:37] a little back story,

[1:28:38] though.

[1:28:39] Before I started

[1:28:40] listening to your podcast.

[1:28:40] In West Philadelphia,

[1:28:41] I was born and raised.

[1:28:43] Before I started

[1:28:44] listening to your podcast,

[1:28:45] I thought I was a weirdo

[1:28:46] for my adolescent affection

[1:28:47] for the Puppet Master series.

[1:28:49] And then I heard you guys

[1:28:50] talk about them

[1:28:51] and the Full Moon catalog

[1:28:52] as well

[1:28:53] with some glee

[1:28:54] and I thought,

[1:28:55] if a rad dude like Stuart

[1:28:56] could like these movies,

[1:28:57] then maybe I wasn't

[1:28:58] as much of a weird kid

[1:29:00] as I thought.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:00] Stuart has really

[1:29:01] pulled the wool over

[1:29:02] the podcast listening

[1:29:03] audience's eyes.

[1:29:04] Mm-hmm.

[1:29:04] That they think he's

[1:29:05] super cool.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:05] No longer are the creations

[1:29:07] of Andreas Toulon

[1:29:09] the subject of mockery,

[1:29:11] Elliot,

[1:29:11] but rather

[1:29:12] something to be celebrated

[1:29:14] close to one's breast.

Elliott Kalan

[1:29:18] So thank you, fellas.

[1:29:19] You started slowly

[1:29:20] turning into

[1:29:21] Werner Herzog

[1:29:21] by the end of it.

Dan McCoy

[1:29:23] So for the gift

[1:29:24] you gave me,

[1:29:24] of making me feel

[1:29:25] less odd about my childhood,

[1:29:26] I present you

[1:29:27] with three figures

[1:29:28] from the infamous

[1:29:28] Puppet Master series.

[1:29:30] One for each of you.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:31] Please say

[1:29:32] at least one of them

[1:29:33] is Leech Woman.

[1:29:34] For Elliot,

Dan McCoy

[1:29:35] for Elliot,

[1:29:37] I present Jester

[1:29:39] for obvious reasons.

[1:29:40] Oh, hell yeah, dude.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:41] A late addition

[1:29:42] to the catalog.

Dan McCoy

[1:29:44] For Stuart,

[1:29:45] I present Torch

[1:29:46] since he's expressed

[1:29:48] the idea

[1:29:48] to hunt bears

[1:29:49] with a flung thrower.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:50] And he's like

[1:29:51] the creepy German dude.

[1:29:53] Even though Andreas Toulon

Dan McCoy

[1:29:54] fought the Nazis.

[1:29:55] Oh, yeah.

[1:29:56] And for Dan,

[1:29:56] Dan got the best one.

[1:29:58] Six shooter

[1:29:58] because he has six arms

[1:29:59] and loves wearing a bandana.

[1:30:01] Yeah, just like Dan.

[1:30:03] Piece of shit.

[1:30:04] Six shooter's the best one.

[1:30:05] Full disclosure,

[1:30:06] I know Blade

[1:30:07] would have been

[1:30:07] the obvious choice

[1:30:08] for Dan

[1:30:08] being the pseudo leader

[1:30:10] of the group

[1:30:10] and having a hook for a hand,

[1:30:11] but he's my favorite

[1:30:12] and I'm keeping him.

[1:30:13] Also, I'm pretty positive

[1:30:14] Dan and Elliot

[1:30:15] will just give theirs

[1:30:16] a steward anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:18] So enjoy this way

[1:30:19] to prominently.

[1:30:21] You mean put them up

[1:30:22] in the bar Hinterlands,

[1:30:23] which is having a great

[1:30:24] last name withheld.

[1:30:25] Oh, what was your name?

[1:30:26] Which is going to have

[1:30:26] a great Halloween party here

[1:30:28] the night that this is released.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:31] Stuart,

[1:30:31] have you started

[1:30:32] a Flophouse Gifts

[1:30:33] Trophy Wall

[1:30:34] at Hinterlands?

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:35] Yeah,

[1:30:36] my Hall of Heroes?

[1:30:37] Yeah.

[1:30:38] So there's a giant penny

[1:30:39] that's got a big scratch on it

[1:30:40] like Two-Face.

[1:30:42] I don't think

[1:30:42] the penny was even

[1:30:43] from a Two-Face adventure.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:45] Robin's dead body.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:48] No,

[1:30:49] I have a lot of,

[1:30:50] I have many things

[1:30:51] including an amazing,

[1:30:53] something that isn't

[1:30:55] even Flophouse related,

[1:30:56] a extreme teen Bible

[1:30:58] that is sitting on the shelf.

[1:30:59] Oh man,

[1:31:00] you got an extreme,

[1:31:00] where is it?

[1:31:01] I have an extreme,

[1:31:02] I can't say,

[1:31:04] maybe a cleric

[1:31:05] named Merle

[1:31:05] gave it to me,

[1:31:06] who knows?

[1:31:06] Oh.

[1:31:08] And yeah,

[1:31:09] so I currently,

[1:31:11] sitting on my bar

[1:31:12] is an intricately

[1:31:14] carved pumpkin

[1:31:15] with the visage

[1:31:18] of Myron,

[1:31:20] the titular

[1:31:21] head of the family.

[1:31:23] Sitting on my bar

[1:31:23] and on the back

[1:31:24] of the pumpkin

[1:31:25] carved into the back

[1:31:26] is,

[1:31:27] are the words,

[1:31:28] which are

[1:31:29] chilling and terrifying,

[1:31:31] upset the head

[1:31:32] and you're dead.

[1:31:34] That was put together

[1:31:35] by Hinterlands patron

[1:31:38] and Flophouse listener,

[1:31:40] Brad Pearson,

[1:31:41] which is great.

[1:31:44] So,

[1:31:45] nope,

[1:31:45] Dan is finished

[1:31:47] putting all the equipment

Dan McCoy

[1:31:48] on six,

[1:31:48] six shooter.

[1:31:49] The removable

[1:31:50] six shooters

[1:31:51] into six shooters.

[1:31:52] And his little cowboy hat.

[1:31:54] Yeah,

[1:31:54] and his hat.

[1:31:57] So,

[1:31:58] thank you very much.

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:00] That's the thing,

[1:32:00] dude,

[1:32:01] if I'm going to

[1:32:02] fucking Westworld,

[1:32:02] that's what I want to be.

[1:32:04] I don't want to be

[1:32:04] some fucking clown

[1:32:05] named Stuart.

[1:32:06] Give me extra arms,

[1:32:07] robots.

[1:32:08] I don't know

[1:32:09] if that's how

[1:32:10] Westworld,

[1:32:11] the concept works.

[1:32:12] I don't know,

[1:32:12] dude.

[1:32:12] Dr. Octopus

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:13] made extra arms

[1:32:14] for himself.

[1:32:15] You're right.

[1:32:16] That's foolish of me

[1:32:17] not to combine those two.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:19] But thanks again,

[1:32:19] Scott,

[1:32:20] last name was held.

[1:32:21] Now,

[1:32:21] now we can move on

[1:32:23] to the next,

[1:32:24] the last segment

[1:32:25] after,

[1:32:27] now that I remembered that,

[1:32:28] which is

[1:32:30] recommendations of movies

[1:32:32] that you should actually watch

[1:32:33] instead of The Gallows.

[1:32:36] Once again,

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:37] to remind you,

[1:32:37] don't watch The Gallows.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:38] Don't watch The Gallows.

[1:32:41] I'll go first.

[1:32:41] Don't do it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:32:42] Don't do it.

[1:32:43] If that shows up

[1:32:44] on your computer mysteriously,

[1:32:46] just drag it

[1:32:46] into the recycle bin,

[1:32:48] hit recycle,

[1:32:49] then open that up

[1:32:50] and hit empty trash.

Dan McCoy

[1:32:54] So,

[1:32:54] I'll go first.

[1:32:56] Because I watched a movie

[1:32:57] that I actually really liked.

[1:32:59] I know that sometimes

[1:33:00] I recommend things.

[1:33:01] Whoa, whoa.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:01] So you watched it,

[1:33:02] what kind of plane was it

[1:33:04] that you watched on?

[1:33:05] Was it a train?

[1:33:06] An automobile?

Dan McCoy

[1:33:06] I watched it at the

[1:33:07] new Brooklyn Alamo Drafthouse,

[1:33:10] which was a

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:10] very nice view.

[1:33:12] Bragg, brag, brag.

[1:33:14] How was it?

[1:33:15] Incredibly humble brag

[1:33:16] because it's just

[1:33:17] that you went to a movie theater.

[1:33:18] Because anyone can just go there.

[1:33:19] Yeah, it's open to the problem.

Dan McCoy

[1:33:20] You went early, right?

[1:33:21] Didn't you go early?

[1:33:22] During the soft opening.

[1:33:23] But if anyone

[1:33:24] happened to know

[1:33:25] that it was...

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:25] Did anybody take...

[1:33:26] Did any paparazzos

[1:33:28] snap your fucking picture, dude?

Dan McCoy

[1:33:30] No, but I talked

[1:33:31] to our friend Christina,

[1:33:32] who is the programmer

[1:33:33] there at the Alamo Drafthouse.

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:36] Who is likened to an angel

[1:33:37] for she has organized

[1:33:39] many Flophouse screenings.

[1:33:41] Yes.

[1:33:41] Yeah, that's true.

Dan McCoy

[1:33:42] But I watched

[1:33:43] the Park Chan-wook movie

[1:33:45] The Handmaid.

[1:33:47] Whoa.

[1:33:47] I want to see that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:48] I can't wait to see that.

[1:33:49] Which was

Dan McCoy

[1:33:50] two and a half hours

[1:33:51] that flew by

[1:33:52] as quickly

[1:33:53] as the gallows.

[1:33:55] It's not quicker.

Stuart Wellington

[1:33:55] Was it because of

[1:33:56] the girl-on-girl erotica?

Dan McCoy

[1:33:58] There was

[1:33:58] certainly

[1:33:59] girl-on-girl action

[1:34:00] if that's your thing.

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:02] Which is definitely

[1:34:03] yours

[1:34:04] based on

[1:34:05] previous recommendations.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:07] You recommend

[1:34:09] one blue

[1:34:09] is the warmest color.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:10] And what was

[1:34:11] that other one

[1:34:11] about the

[1:34:12] sub-dom relationship?

Dan McCoy

[1:34:14] What?

[1:34:14] Purple of the

[1:34:15] velvet robe

[1:34:16] or something like that?

[1:34:17] Oh, yeah.

[1:34:17] Duke of Burgundy?

[1:34:18] Duke of Burgundy.

[1:34:19] Yeah.

[1:34:19] Sure.

[1:34:20] All right, well.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:21] You recommend two?

[1:34:22] And what was

[1:34:23] that other one

[1:34:23] with the...

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:25] Bound, basically?

Dan McCoy

[1:34:27] You recommend

[1:34:27] the website

[1:34:28] We Live Together

[1:34:29] and suddenly

[1:34:31] you're just a fan

[1:34:32] of lesbian erotica.

[1:34:33] I don't think

[1:34:34] they do live together.

[1:34:35] Yeah.

[1:34:36] But this is a tale

[1:34:38] of there's a

[1:34:39] Korean handmaiden

[1:34:40] who goes to live

[1:34:41] with a Japanese woman

[1:34:43] to be her

[1:34:44] serving girl

[1:34:46] and

[1:34:47] it becomes clear

[1:34:49] that there's

[1:34:51] more going on

[1:34:52] than meets the eye

[1:34:53] that...

[1:34:54] They're robots

[1:34:54] in disguise.

[1:34:56] It's not a spoiler

[1:34:58] because it comes

[1:34:59] in the first five minutes

[1:35:00] of the movie

[1:35:00] that she's there

[1:35:01] to, as part of

[1:35:03] an elaborate grift

[1:35:04] on this Japanese woman.

[1:35:08] And...

[1:35:08] But in the course

[1:35:10] of performing

[1:35:11] this grift

[1:35:11] she falls in love

[1:35:12] with the woman

[1:35:14] that she's there

[1:35:14] to serve.

[1:35:15] First rule.

[1:35:16] You never...

[1:35:16] Don't fall in love.

[1:35:17] Mm-hmm.

[1:35:18] But this movie

[1:35:19] takes part in...

[1:35:20] What's the second rule?

[1:35:21] Don't talk about

[1:35:22] Fight Club.

[1:35:23] And what's the third rule?

[1:35:25] Stop, drop, and roll.

[1:35:26] Oh, wow.

[1:35:27] Okay.

[1:35:29] This movie...

[1:35:31] I mean,

[1:35:31] those are all

[1:35:32] pretty easy to follow.

[1:35:33] This movie unfolds

[1:35:34] in three parts

[1:35:35] and each part

[1:35:36] is...

[1:35:38] Structure spoiler.

[1:35:39] ...is from

[1:35:39] a different

[1:35:40] perspective

[1:35:42] and

[1:35:43] provides new light

[1:35:46] on things

[1:35:47] that we've seen already

[1:35:48] while providing

[1:35:49] new information.

[1:35:51] And

[1:35:51] it's not

[1:35:53] too much

[1:35:53] of a spoiler

[1:35:54] to say that

[1:35:55] the original

[1:35:56] part of the movie

[1:35:57] is just

[1:35:58] one tiny part

[1:36:00] of what's really

[1:36:00] going on.

[1:36:01] and the movie

[1:36:02] gets twistier

[1:36:03] and kinkier

[1:36:05] and sexier

[1:36:06] and more violent

[1:36:08] and more interesting

[1:36:10] as it goes along.

[1:36:11] Mm-hmm.

[1:36:12] So,

[1:36:13] I really recommend

[1:36:15] The Handmaiden.

[1:36:16] I will be surprised

[1:36:17] if it doesn't end up

[1:36:18] being one of my

[1:36:19] favorite movies

[1:36:19] of this year.

[1:36:21] So,

[1:36:21] that's my recommendation.

[1:36:23] Fellows?

Stuart Wellington

[1:36:24] Oh, wow.

[1:36:25] Thrown down the gauntlet

[1:36:26] with a genuine

[1:36:27] recommendation

[1:36:28] and not some bullshit

[1:36:28] you just happen to watch.

[1:36:30] Yeah,

[1:36:30] I'm amazed.

[1:36:31] That was good work,

[1:36:32] Dan.

[1:36:32] Good work.

[1:36:33] So,

[1:36:33] I'm going to recommend

[1:36:34] a movie I saw

[1:36:34] recently that I

[1:36:35] really liked

[1:36:37] called Hunt

[1:36:37] for the Wilder People.

[1:36:39] Oh.

[1:36:41] Written and

[1:36:42] directed,

[1:36:42] no,

[1:36:43] directed and adapted

[1:36:44] by Taika Waititi

[1:36:46] who made

[1:36:48] What We Do

[1:36:49] in the Shadows

[1:36:49] and is making

[1:36:51] Thor Ragnarok.

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:53] Elliot?

[1:36:54] I didn't know

[1:36:54] he was doing

[1:36:55] Thor Ragnarok.

[1:36:55] Yeah.

[1:36:56] Which somehow

[1:36:57] involves

[1:36:57] World War Hulk

[1:36:58] and not World War

[1:36:59] Planet Hulk

[1:37:00] in it somehow.

[1:37:00] Yeah,

[1:37:00] because Hulk's in it.

[1:37:02] It's cool.

[1:37:02] Don't worry about it.

[1:37:03] I mean,

[1:37:04] it'll make sense

[1:37:04] when I see it,

[1:37:05] probably.

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:05] So,

[1:37:05] Hunt for the Wilder People

[1:37:06] is a charming movie

[1:37:08] set in New Zealand

[1:37:09] about a

[1:37:10] kind of rebellious

[1:37:11] youth

[1:37:12] who

[1:37:13] is

[1:37:15] adopted

[1:37:16] by a family

[1:37:17] that lives

[1:37:17] kind of in the middle

[1:37:18] of nowhere

[1:37:18] and

[1:37:19] after

[1:37:21] a variety

[1:37:22] of setbacks

[1:37:23] he

[1:37:24] and the

[1:37:26] patriarch

[1:37:27] of that family

[1:37:27] end up

[1:37:28] living out

[1:37:29] in the bush

[1:37:30] and

[1:37:31] having to

[1:37:32] after a rocky

[1:37:33] start

[1:37:33] they

[1:37:34] kind of

[1:37:34] get along

[1:37:35] and form

[1:37:36] a really

[1:37:37] great

[1:37:37] father-son

[1:37:38] relationship

[1:37:39] and friendship

[1:37:39] and it's

[1:37:41] very funny

[1:37:42] and it

[1:37:43] is charmingly

[1:37:45] made

[1:37:45] and it's

[1:37:46] sad

[1:37:47] and great

[1:37:48] I totally

[1:37:49] recommend it

[1:37:49] I don't know

[1:37:51] how much of this

[1:37:51] is based on

[1:37:52] a love

[1:37:53] of the Lord

[1:37:54] of the Rings

[1:37:55] so

[1:37:55] anything

[1:37:56] New Zealandish

[1:37:57] I'm

[1:37:57] predisposed

[1:37:58] to liking

[1:37:58] but

[1:38:01] you like

[1:38:01] other New Zealand

[1:38:02] things

[1:38:02] I do

[1:38:03] and

Stuart Wellington

[1:38:03] I also

[1:38:05] like

[1:38:05] the fact

[1:38:05] that the movie

[1:38:06] stars

[1:38:06] a certain

[1:38:07] Sam Neill

[1:38:08] he's someone

[1:38:09] I wish I saw

[1:38:10] who is

[1:38:10] great

[1:38:11] so you should

[1:38:12] totally

[1:38:12] get

[1:38:12] I think

[1:38:13] I really

[1:38:14] think you

[1:38:14] would enjoy

[1:38:15] Hunt for the

Dan McCoy

[1:38:15] Wilder People

[1:38:16] Elliot

[1:38:17] it sounds

[1:38:18] really good

[1:38:18] it has

Stuart Wellington

[1:38:19] elements of

[1:38:22] charm

[1:38:22] that I get

[1:38:23] out of

[1:38:24] a Wes Anderson

[1:38:25] movie

[1:38:25] but I feel

[1:38:27] I don't

[1:38:27] understand

[1:38:28] I can't

[1:38:29] really put

[1:38:29] my finger

[1:38:30] on why

[1:38:30] I like

[1:38:31] a lot

[1:38:32] of things

[1:38:32] that I

[1:38:33] criticize

[1:38:33] Wes Anderson

[1:38:34] movies for

[1:38:35] I

[1:38:35] forgive

[1:38:37] in

[1:38:38] Taika Waititi's

[1:38:39] movies

[1:38:39] so I can't

[1:38:41] really explain

[1:38:41] it but

[1:38:42] it's very

[1:38:44] charming

[1:38:44] and

[1:38:45] carefully

[1:38:46] crafted

[1:38:46] but it

[1:38:47] still feels

[1:38:48] human

[1:38:48] where I feel

[1:38:50] like Wes Anderson

[1:38:50] movies are a little

[1:38:51] too

[1:38:52] they kind of

[1:38:53] smother you

[1:38:54] like

[1:38:54] you can't

[1:38:57] breathe in it

[1:38:58] alright

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:00] I like his movies

[1:39:02] what are you gonna do

[1:39:02] I'm not saying

[1:39:04] well I think

[1:39:05] you're bad

[1:39:05] is what I'm

[1:39:05] trying to say

[1:39:06] by saying

[1:39:06] you don't like

[1:39:07] those movies

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:08] you say that

[1:39:08] I who like

[1:39:09] them must be

[1:39:09] terrible

[1:39:10] yep

[1:39:10] you are aligned

[1:39:11] with

[1:39:11] you're aligned

[1:39:13] with Randall

[1:39:13] Flagg

[1:39:14] the man in

[1:39:14] black

[1:39:14] and I'm on

[1:39:15] the forces

[1:39:16] of light

[1:39:16] so you're

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:17] fucked dude

[1:39:18] what am I

[1:39:19] the trash can

[1:39:20] man

[1:39:20] yep

[1:39:20] I'm rolling

[1:39:21] to Shane

[1:39:22] baby

[1:39:22] oh man

[1:39:23] just bring

[1:39:25] that hand

[1:39:25] of God

[1:39:25] down on

[1:39:26] the nuke

[1:39:26] now

[1:39:26] and end

[1:39:27] it for me

[1:39:27] and Dan

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:27] is part

[1:39:28] of my

[1:39:28] cartet

[1:39:29] which one

[1:39:32] am I

[1:39:33] I don't

[1:39:35] is there

[1:39:35] like a little

[1:39:35] boy

[1:39:36] I'll just be

Dan McCoy

[1:39:39] Stephen King

[1:39:40] is that

[1:39:40] yeah why not

[1:39:41] that's cool

[1:39:42] what

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:44] it's a pretty

[1:39:46] good deal for you

[1:39:46] to be Stephen King

[1:39:47] yeah you're gonna be

[1:39:47] Stephen King

[1:39:48] I'm gonna recommend

[1:39:49] a movie

[1:39:50] and then I'm gonna

[1:39:50] recommend an actual

[1:39:52] thing you can go to

[1:39:53] in person

[1:39:53] but first I'm gonna

[1:39:54] recommend the movie

[1:39:55] I mean you can go

[1:39:56] to a movie

[1:39:56] yeah your local

[1:39:57] library

[1:39:57] not this movie

[1:39:59] I'm gonna recommend

[1:40:00] a movie called

[1:40:01] Lemora

[1:40:02] a child's tale

[1:40:03] of the supernatural

[1:40:04] this is a

[1:40:05] low budget

[1:40:06] horror movie

[1:40:07] from the mid 70s

[1:40:08] 1975

[1:40:09] and it's kind

[1:40:11] of like

[1:40:12] if

[1:40:13] Manos

[1:40:13] the hands of fate

[1:40:14] was not a terrible

[1:40:15] movie

[1:40:16] there's something

[1:40:17] about like

[1:40:17] there's a

[1:40:18] a very kind of

[1:40:19] amateurish

[1:40:20] low budget

[1:40:21] feel to it

[1:40:22] but it's such a

[1:40:23] strange kind of

[1:40:24] horror fairy tale

[1:40:25] of a movie

[1:40:26] about this girl

[1:40:27] is the daughter

[1:40:28] of a notorious

[1:40:29] gangster

[1:40:29] but she's being

[1:40:30] raised by

[1:40:31] a minister

[1:40:32] and is

[1:40:34] incredibly pure

[1:40:34] and sings in the

[1:40:35] church choir

[1:40:36] but she gets

[1:40:36] word one day

[1:40:37] that her father

[1:40:38] is sick

[1:40:39] and dying

[1:40:40] and she needs

[1:40:41] to go see him

[1:40:41] because she still

[1:40:42] loves him even though

[1:40:43] she knows he's a

[1:40:43] gangster

[1:40:43] he's always been

[1:40:44] nice to her

[1:40:45] and almost from

[1:40:46] the instant she

[1:40:47] leaves the house

[1:40:48] she's just

[1:40:49] encountering weirdos

[1:40:50] and creeps

[1:40:51] and monsters

[1:40:51] and because it's

[1:40:53] all part of a plot

[1:40:53] that Lemura

[1:40:55] the titular

[1:40:56] vampire queen

[1:40:57] is

[1:40:58] has concocted

[1:40:59] to get her

[1:41:00] into her clutches

[1:41:00] just because she

[1:41:01] has this

[1:41:02] attraction to her

[1:41:04] uh

[1:41:04] maybe

[1:41:05] maybe for her

[1:41:06] purity

[1:41:07] who knows

[1:41:07] but there's like

[1:41:08] these hairy

[1:41:10] vampire

[1:41:10] were men

[1:41:11] that live

[1:41:11] in the woods

[1:41:12] who don't

[1:41:13] like the other

[1:41:13] vampires

[1:41:14] and at a certain

[1:41:15] point I was like

[1:41:15] wait a minute

[1:41:16] it's kind of like

[1:41:17] I'm watching an

[1:41:18] underworld movie

[1:41:19] but it's

[1:41:19] really creepy

[1:41:20] and weird

[1:41:21] and there's

[1:41:22] something genuinely

[1:41:23] affecting about it

[1:41:24] so you may not

[1:41:25] have the same

[1:41:26] mileage with it

[1:41:27] that I did

[1:41:27] but uh

[1:41:28] Lemura

[1:41:28] A Child's Tale

[1:41:29] the Supernatural

[1:41:30] I found to be

[1:41:30] just like

[1:41:31] a really weird

[1:41:32] strange

[1:41:34] uh

[1:41:34] little

[1:41:35] kind of

[1:41:36] cheapy horror movie

[1:41:37] that just has

[1:41:38] this weird

[1:41:39] fairy tale feel

[1:41:39] to it that I

[1:41:40] liked a lot

[1:41:40] on a totally

[1:41:42] different note

[1:41:43] if you're listening

[1:41:43] to this podcast

[1:41:45] the day it's

[1:41:46] released I guess

[1:41:47] if it's before

[1:41:48] Tuesday November 2nd

[1:41:50] it's a Tuesday

[1:41:51] right

[1:41:51] no it's a Wednesday

[1:41:52] if this is before

[1:41:53] Wednesday November 2nd

[1:41:55] then my good friend

[1:41:56] former boss

[1:41:57] uh

[1:41:58] important person

[1:41:58] in my career

[1:41:59] Rory Albanese

[1:42:00] Rory Albanese

[1:42:00] is doing

[1:42:01] he has a new

[1:42:02] one hour of stand up

[1:42:03] he's doing a show

[1:42:04] November 2nd

[1:42:04] at 9.30pm

[1:42:06] as part of the

[1:42:06] New York Comedy Festival

[1:42:07] and uh

[1:42:09] I just wanted to

[1:42:10] spread the word

[1:42:10] about it

[1:42:11] because I'm

[1:42:11] excited that he

[1:42:12] has a new

[1:42:12] hour of stand up

[1:42:13] and you should

[1:42:14] go see it

[1:42:15] uh

[1:42:15] it's part of

[1:42:16] the New York

[1:42:16] Comedy Festival

[1:42:16] if you can't

[1:42:17] go out and

[1:42:18] see it

[1:42:18] then try to

[1:42:19] find some

[1:42:19] way to see

[1:42:20] La Mora

[1:42:21] A Child's Tale

[1:42:22] a Supernatural

[1:42:22] right after I

[1:42:23] watch that

[1:42:24] I watched

[1:42:24] The Hunger

[1:42:25] which I had

[1:42:26] never actually

[1:42:26] seen

[1:42:26] and I found

[1:42:27] that their

[1:42:28] plots are

[1:42:28] similar in a

[1:42:29] lot of ways

[1:42:30] and that both

[1:42:30] are about

[1:42:31] kind of like

[1:42:31] an ageless

[1:42:32] vampire queen

[1:42:33] who has a

[1:42:34] is drawing

[1:42:35] another woman

[1:42:36] towards her

[1:42:37] for her own

[1:42:38] desires and

[1:42:39] purposes

[1:42:39] but only one of

Dan McCoy

[1:42:40] them has a

[1:42:40] lesbian scene

[1:42:41] between

[1:42:41] Catherine Deeneuve

[1:42:42] and Susan Sarandon

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:42] yes but I

[1:42:43] liked La Mora

[1:42:44] more

[1:42:44] because The Hunger

[1:42:46] I enjoyed

[1:42:47] watching The Hunger

[1:42:47] for its

[1:42:48] ultra style

[1:42:49] but it's not

[1:42:50] very good

[1:42:51] and the story

[1:42:52] doesn't hang

[1:42:52] together

[1:42:52] and the La Mora

[1:42:53] story doesn't

[1:42:54] quite hang

[1:42:55] together

[1:42:55] but it feels

[1:42:56] like that's

[1:42:56] kind of built

[1:42:57] into it

[1:42:57] in a way

[1:42:58] it's not

[1:42:58] totally supposed

[1:42:59] to

[1:42:59] whereas The Hunger

[1:43:00] there was a

[1:43:00] certain point

[1:43:01] where I was

[1:43:01] like I'm

[1:43:02] like two

[1:43:02] thirds of the

[1:43:03] way into

[1:43:03] this movie

[1:43:03] and there

[1:43:04] hasn't been

[1:43:05] a lot of

[1:43:05] plot that's

[1:43:06] happened so

[1:43:06] far but

[1:43:06] there's an

[1:43:07] awful lot

[1:43:07] of shots

[1:43:08] that could be

[1:43:09] in jewelry

[1:43:09] commercials

[1:43:10] so go see

[1:43:12] La Mora

[1:43:13] and then

[1:43:13] if you feel

[1:43:13] like

[1:43:15] glossy

[1:43:16] lesbian

[1:43:17] erotica

[1:43:17] Dan

[1:43:18] go see

[1:43:18] The Hunger

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:19] oh I thought

[1:43:20] you were

[1:43:20] pitching Rory's

[1:43:21] comedy special

[1:43:22] again

[1:43:22] wow that's

[1:43:25] four unabashed

[1:43:26] and one

[1:43:27] abashed

[1:43:27] recommendation

[1:43:28] yeah

Dan McCoy

[1:43:29] so there are

[1:43:30] a few things

[1:43:30] I want to

[1:43:31] quickly say

[1:43:32] before we

[1:43:32] go

[1:43:33] number one

[1:43:34] you should

[1:43:35] go to

[1:43:35] maximumfun.org

[1:43:37] and take a

[1:43:39] look at all

[1:43:40] the other

[1:43:40] maximum fun

[1:43:41] there's a ton

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:41] of great

[1:43:42] shows

[1:43:42] a lot

[1:43:43] of great

Dan McCoy

[1:43:43] shows

[1:43:43] oh man

[1:43:44] that new

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:44] one is so

[1:43:44] great

[1:43:45] the Dead

Dan McCoy

[1:43:46] Pilot Society

[1:43:47] have you

[1:43:47] listened to it

[1:43:48] I haven't

[1:43:48] listened to it

[1:43:48] yet

[1:43:48] I just

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:48] listened to

[1:43:49] Hodgman's

[1:43:49] episode

[1:43:50] Only Child

[1:43:50] it is

[1:43:51] super great

[1:43:52] that's a

[1:43:52] brilliant pilot

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:53] it's really

[1:43:54] great

[1:43:55] that's very

[1:43:56] much worth

[1:43:56] listening to

[1:43:56] yeah

[1:43:57] it makes

[1:43:57] me

[1:43:57] I've been

[1:43:58] I've been

[1:43:59] telling Hodgman

[1:44:00] for a while

[1:44:01] now that he

[1:44:01] needs to

[1:44:01] like make

[1:44:02] that himself

[1:44:03] it's so

[1:44:03] good

[1:44:03] my only

[1:44:04] critique

[1:44:05] I'm glad

[1:44:05] it exists

[1:44:06] in some

[1:44:06] performed

[1:44:06] my only critique

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:07] of that show

[1:44:07] is just be

[1:44:08] prepared to

[1:44:09] not want to

[1:44:10] listen to it

[1:44:11] on the bus

[1:44:11] or around

[1:44:12] other things

[1:44:13] and want to

[1:44:13] be able to

[1:44:14] listen to it

[1:44:15] and totally

[1:44:16] get into it

[1:44:16] fully

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:16] because it's

[1:44:17] like watching

[1:44:17] a show

[1:44:18] yeah

[1:44:18] I also

[1:44:19] wanted to

[1:44:20] say

[1:44:20] like the old

[1:44:21] radio dramas

[1:44:22] you know

[1:44:22] we had to

[1:44:23] use our

[1:44:23] imagination

[1:44:24] we didn't

[1:44:24] just have it

[1:44:25] delivered to

[1:44:25] us in a

[1:44:26] picture

[1:44:26] people should

[1:44:27] there's gold

[1:44:28] in that

[1:44:28] there radio

[1:44:29] he he

[1:44:30] he he

[1:44:30] he

Dan McCoy

[1:44:31] I'll give

[1:44:32] grandpa's

[1:44:32] pills

[1:44:33] people should

[1:44:34] go to the

[1:44:35] Flophouse

[1:44:36] YouTube channel

[1:44:37] which is

[1:44:38] easily

[1:44:39] Googleable

[1:44:40] and

[1:44:41] put in

[1:44:42] Flophouse

[1:44:42] YouTube

[1:44:43] and watch

[1:44:44] there's a

[1:44:44] new Tony

[1:44:45] Ocher

[1:44:45] animation

[1:44:46] featuring

[1:44:47] one

[1:44:48] Hallie Haglund

[1:44:48] I want to

[1:44:49] see a ghost

[1:44:50] it's a

[1:44:51] new song

[1:44:52] of the

[1:44:52] autumn

[1:44:53] I think

[1:44:53] so enjoy

[1:44:55] that

[1:44:55] just getting

[1:44:55] in there

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:55] as the

[1:44:56] autumn

[1:44:56] creeps

[1:44:56] towards

[1:44:57] it's

[1:44:57] one month

Dan McCoy

[1:44:58] to left

[1:44:58] time

[1:44:59] and if

[1:45:00] you want

[1:45:00] to see

[1:45:00] more

[1:45:01] Tony Ocher

[1:45:01] animations

[1:45:02] toss him

[1:45:03] some money

[1:45:03] on his

[1:45:03] Patreon

[1:45:03] page

[1:45:04] and lastly

[1:45:06] I wanted

[1:45:07] to thank

[1:45:07] our silent

[1:45:08] audience

[1:45:08] tonight

[1:45:09] Paul and

[1:45:11] Storm

[1:45:11] we had

[1:45:13] internet

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:13] phenoms

[1:45:15] Paul and

[1:45:16] Storm here

[1:45:17] podcasts

[1:45:17] would try

[1:45:18] to capitalize

[1:45:19] on their

[1:45:19] presence

[1:45:19] by having

[1:45:20] them on

[1:45:20] the podcast

[1:45:21] or

[1:45:22] at the

[1:45:22] top

[1:45:23] that

[1:45:23] they

[1:45:23] were

[1:45:23] there

[1:45:23] we said

[1:45:24] shut up

[1:45:24] we said

[1:45:25] we do

[1:45:25] things a

[1:45:26] certain way

[1:45:26] here

[1:45:26] Paul and

[1:45:27] Storm

[1:45:27] just because

[1:45:28] you're more

[1:45:28] popular and

[1:45:29] successful than

[1:45:30] us doesn't

[1:45:30] mean you're

[1:45:31] going to be

[1:45:31] on our

[1:45:31] dumb show

[1:45:32] they showed

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:32] up and hung

[1:45:34] out watching

[1:45:34] this terrible

[1:45:35] movie and

[1:45:36] and Dan

[1:45:36] was like

[1:45:37] in his head

[1:45:38] like hmm

[1:45:39] should I set

[1:45:39] up some more

[1:45:40] microphones

[1:45:41] that's a lot

[1:45:42] of work

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:42] but I'm

[1:45:43] so tired

[1:45:43] yeah

[1:45:44] but uh

[1:45:45] my hands

[1:45:46] are too

[1:45:46] lazy

Dan McCoy

[1:45:46] I wanted

[1:45:47] to invite

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:48] to sit

[1:45:49] up for

[1:45:49] microphones

[1:45:50] I'm Dan's

[1:45:51] baby hands

Dan McCoy

[1:45:52] that was not

[1:45:52] what happened

[1:45:53] my voice

[1:45:55] barely sounded

[1:45:56] like that

[1:45:57] it was pretty

[1:45:58] close actually

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:59] I would have

[1:46:00] to put down

[1:46:00] my drink

[1:46:01] and I don't

[1:46:02] want to do

[1:46:02] that

[1:46:03] I keep

[1:46:04] raising the

[1:46:05] drink to

[1:46:05] my mouth

Dan McCoy

[1:46:05] but before

[1:46:06] we go

[1:46:07] I wanted to

[1:46:08] ask our

[1:46:08] invisible audience

[1:46:09] Paul and Storm

[1:46:10] whether they

[1:46:11] had anything

[1:46:11] that they

[1:46:12] wanted to

[1:46:12] plug

[1:46:12] is there

[1:46:14] any

[1:46:14] funny you

S4

[1:46:16] should ask

[1:46:17] come up to

Dan McCoy

[1:46:18] the microphone

[1:46:19] hello everyone

S4

[1:46:22] and may I

[1:46:23] be the first

[1:46:24] to say

[1:46:24] rarar

Stuart Wellington

[1:46:26] wow

[1:46:27] that's perfect

S4

[1:46:28] I wasn't

[1:46:31] doing an

[1:46:31] imitation

[1:46:32] I was just

[1:46:32] quoting

[1:46:32] sure yeah

[1:46:33] we have

[1:46:34] literally been

[1:46:35] stifling our

[1:46:36] laughter for

[1:46:37] about an

[1:46:38] hour and a

[1:46:38] half

Elliott Kalan

[1:46:39] and then

[1:46:39] we got to

[1:46:40] the recommendation

[1:46:40] section

[1:46:41] and they

[1:46:42] they're laughing

Stuart Wellington

[1:46:44] at some funny

[1:46:44] tweets

[1:46:45] so shout out

S4

[1:46:47] to my home

[1:46:48] by Merlin

[1:46:48] Mann

[1:46:48] because we're

[1:46:49] here and he's

[1:46:49] not haha

[1:46:50] anybody else

[1:46:52] we want to

[1:46:53] oh yeah

[1:46:55] we

[1:46:55] if you got

[1:46:56] Merlin

[1:46:56] you got it

[1:46:57] all

Stuart Wellington

[1:46:57] that was it

[1:46:58] really

[1:46:58] that's all

[1:46:58] I'm plugging

[1:46:59] no we

S4

[1:47:03] since you

[1:47:04] asked

[1:47:05] we help

[1:47:06] run an

[1:47:06] annual

[1:47:07] week long

[1:47:08] comedy

[1:47:10] music

[1:47:10] festival

[1:47:11] nerd

[1:47:12] con

[1:47:12] cruise

[1:47:13] thing

[1:47:13] sorry

[1:47:14] it's late

[1:47:16] and I've

[1:47:16] been drinking

[1:47:16] a lot

[1:47:16] of coca

[1:47:17] cola

Elliott Kalan

[1:47:17] that should

[1:47:19] help you

S4

[1:47:19] talk faster

[1:47:20] we run

[1:47:21] an event

[1:47:21] you'd think

[1:47:22] Pepsi is the

[1:47:23] funnier soda

[1:47:24] we help

[1:47:25] run this

[1:47:25] event

[1:47:26] it's called

[1:47:26] Joco

[1:47:26] Cruise

[1:47:27] it's a

[1:47:27] week long

[1:47:28] comedy

[1:47:29] music

[1:47:30] festival

[1:47:30] nerd

[1:47:31] cruise

[1:47:31] thing

[1:47:31] hosted by

[1:47:32] internet

[1:47:32] singer

[1:47:32] songwriter

[1:47:33] Jonathan

[1:47:33] Colton

[1:47:34] there's a

[1:47:36] crap ton

[1:47:37] of people

[1:47:37] on it

[1:47:37] you can go

[1:47:38] to

[1:47:38] jococruise.com

[1:47:39] and see

[1:47:39] all of the

[1:47:40] great musicians

[1:47:42] and comedians

[1:47:43] and authors

[1:47:44] and podcasters

[1:47:45] oddly enough

[1:47:46] this podcast

[1:47:46] is not

[1:47:47] on it

[1:47:47] this year

[1:47:48] it's because

[1:47:48] we're saving

[1:47:48] them for

[1:47:49] 2018

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:50] if we

S4

[1:47:55] don't meet

[1:47:56] our quota

[1:47:56] this year

[1:47:57] we're bringing

[1:47:58] the flop

[1:47:58] house

[1:47:58] next year

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:59] you have

[1:48:00] some great

[1:48:00] Max Vaughn

[1:48:01] representation

[1:48:01] this year

[1:48:02] I know

[1:48:02] Sawbones

[1:48:03] is going

[1:48:03] to be on

[1:48:03] there

[1:48:04] we got

[1:48:05] this

[1:48:05] with

S4

[1:48:06] yeah

[1:48:06] Justin

[1:48:07] and Sydney

[1:48:08] with Sawbones

[1:48:08] we got

[1:48:09] this with

[1:48:10] Hal

[1:48:10] Leblen

[1:48:10] and Mark

[1:48:11] Gagliardi

[1:48:11] will be

[1:48:12] there

[1:48:12] welcome

[1:48:13] to

[1:48:13] Night Vale

[1:48:14] we just

[1:48:14] announced

[1:48:14] today

[1:48:15] is going

[1:48:15] to be

[1:48:15] performing

[1:48:16] on there

[1:48:16] a bunch

[1:48:18] of great

[1:48:18] musicians

[1:48:18] Amy Mann

[1:48:19] Ted

[1:48:19] Leo

[1:48:20] John

[1:48:21] Roderick

[1:48:21] Jonathan

[1:48:21] Colton

[1:48:22] Paul

[1:48:22] and Storm

[1:48:23] prior years

[1:48:24] John Hodgman

[1:48:25] has been

[1:48:25] on

[1:48:25] all except

[1:48:26] for one

[1:48:27] so that's

[1:48:29] useful

[1:48:29] that's useful

[1:48:30] information

[1:48:30] yeah

Stuart Wellington

[1:48:31] it's John

[1:48:32] Hodgman

[1:48:33] adjacent

[1:48:33] I guess

[1:48:34] but there's

S4

[1:48:36] a whole bunch

[1:48:36] of great

[1:48:37] I mean we got

[1:48:38] Matthew

[1:48:39] Matthew Weiner

[1:48:40] creator of

[1:48:40] Mad Men

[1:48:41] is going to be

[1:48:41] there this

[1:48:42] year

Stuart Wellington

[1:48:42] yeah

[1:48:42] we don't

[1:48:43] know

[1:48:43] Dan's beard

[1:48:44] is twitching

[1:48:44] at the thought

[1:48:45] of Matthew

[1:48:45] Weiner

[1:48:46] being there

S4

[1:48:47] a bunch

[1:48:47] of great

[1:48:47] we have

[1:48:48] Ed Brubaker

[1:48:49] Gail Simone

[1:48:49] Chelsea Kane

[1:48:51] a bunch

[1:48:51] of authors

[1:48:52] and comic book

[1:48:53] creators

[1:48:53] are coming

[1:48:53] it's going to be

[1:48:53] a really great time

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:54] there is no aspect

[1:48:55] of being a nerd

[1:48:56] that is not covered

[1:48:57] it is all represented

[1:48:58] that was the goal

S4

[1:48:59] and then it's all

[1:49:00] wrapped up on a cruise ship

[1:49:01] with fruity drinks

[1:49:02] and stops at places

[1:49:04] where there are beaches

[1:49:05] you can go

[1:49:06] oh we're taking over

[1:49:07] a Mexican town

[1:49:07] we are

[1:49:08] yes

[1:49:08] you can go to

[1:49:09] jococruz.com

[1:49:10] to find out more

[1:49:10] about that

[1:49:11] let's leave it as a mystery

[1:49:12] as far as how we're doing that

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:14] 1848 all over again

S4

[1:49:17] Americans are invading Mexico

[1:49:18] there's a bunch of

[1:49:19] tabletop gaming

[1:49:20] there's gaming creators

[1:49:21] who come on and playtest stuff

[1:49:22] I don't remember that

Stuart Wellington

[1:49:23] maybe some movies

[1:49:26] maybe

[1:49:26] maybe movies

S4

[1:49:27] so jococruz.com

[1:49:29] J-O-C-O-C-U-Z

[1:49:30] thank you for

[1:49:31] letting us plug this

[1:49:32] on your podcast

[1:49:33] this unpaid advertisement

[1:49:34] no problem

Stuart Wellington

[1:49:36] what else do we do here Dan

[1:49:39] well

[1:49:39] at this point

Dan McCoy

[1:49:40] we should probably sign off

[1:49:41] because we've gone

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:42] just because this is

[1:49:43] like 40 minutes longer

[1:49:44] than the movie was

[1:49:45] yeah

Dan McCoy

[1:49:45] but

[1:49:46] maybe not 40 minutes

[1:49:47] another Shocktober

[1:49:48] has come to an end

[1:49:49] and it's always a sad time

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:51] time to pack up

[1:49:52] the rattling chains

[1:49:53] and

[1:49:54] just oil the hinges

[1:49:56] on that squeaky door

[1:49:57] put the ghosts to bed

[1:49:59] and shave the wolfman

[1:50:00] so he's just a regular dude

Stuart Wellington

[1:50:02] just grab a broom

[1:50:04] and say

[1:50:04] hush now boogans

[1:50:06] I'm gonna put you back

[1:50:07] under the porch

[1:50:07] where you belong

[1:50:08] file down the vampire's teeth

Elliott Kalan

[1:50:10] and glue the leaves

[1:50:13] back on the trees

[1:50:14] and just set that mummy

[1:50:15] on fire

[1:50:16] because it's

[1:50:17] because he's what got

[1:50:18] dog poop wrapped in him

[1:50:19] or something

[1:50:19] you put him on a doorstep

[1:50:21] yeah

[1:50:22] uh

[1:50:23] but we've got

[1:50:24] it's an antiquity

[1:50:24] you're destroying Dan

[1:50:25] yeah

[1:50:26] it belongs in a museum

[1:50:27] it's a valuable artifact

[1:50:28] of human civilization

Stuart Wellington

[1:50:30] and his dick

[1:50:31] is a totally

[1:50:32] uh

[1:50:32] good sex aid

[1:50:34] sex aid

[1:50:35] what

[1:50:35] why is it all dicks

[1:50:37] and wieners

[1:50:37] I don't know dude

[1:50:38] I think I'm going

[1:50:39] through something

[1:50:40] well

Dan McCoy

[1:50:43] while we untangle

[1:50:44] Stuart's uh

[1:50:45] phallic obsession

[1:50:46] uh

[1:50:47] you guys should

Elliott Kalan

[1:50:48] that sounds like

[1:50:49] a Cinemax movie

[1:50:50] where they're not even trying

[1:50:51] phallic obsession

[1:50:53] alright

[1:50:54] we know what you're

[1:50:55] we know what we're getting

Dan McCoy

[1:50:56] with this one

[1:50:57] it's both

[1:50:57] too high brow

[1:50:58] and too low brow

[1:50:59] somehow

Stuart Wellington

[1:50:59] tagline

[1:51:01] untangle the web

[1:51:02] starring Stuart

[1:51:04] uh

[1:51:05] and Elliot and Dan

[1:51:07] in co-starring

[1:51:08] but very interesting roles

Dan McCoy

[1:51:10] what I'm trying to say is

[1:51:13] thanks for listening

[1:51:14] we'll get

[1:51:15] catch you next time

[1:51:16] goodnight everyone

[1:51:17] I've been Dan McCoy

Elliott Kalan

[1:51:18] oh yeah

[1:51:20] I'm Stuart Wellington

[1:51:21] and untangling

[1:51:22] Stuart's issues

[1:51:24] I'm Elliot Kalin

[1:51:25] see you later

[1:51:26] yeah

[1:51:28] that's the audience

[1:51:30] that's the audience

[1:51:30] no you ruined it

[1:51:32] Sean Connery

[1:51:40] as Jumbotron

[1:51:42] uh

[1:51:44] he used to do a bit

[1:51:45] uh

[1:51:46] the daily show

[1:51:47] where it was

[1:51:47] Sean Connery

[1:51:48] has Alzheimer's

[1:51:49] and he thinks he played

[1:51:50] every movie role

S4

[1:51:51] oh that was when

[1:51:52] I played Jack Nicholson

[1:51:53] in A Few Good Men

Elliott Kalan

[1:51:54] you can't handle

[1:51:56] the truth

[1:51:57] I said

[1:51:58] to myself

[1:51:59] as Tom Cruise

[1:52:01] in the same film

[1:52:02] never forget

[1:52:04] when I played

[1:52:05] the raptor

[1:52:06] in Jurassic Park

[1:52:07] I was a clever girl

[1:52:09] yeah

[1:52:11] oh you're in one of those

[1:52:12] intros tonight

[1:52:13] on the Flophouse

[1:52:13] yeah we are

[1:52:14] blobbity bloobity

[1:52:15] perfect

[1:52:16] we don't need

[1:52:17] to do one now

[1:52:18] done in one

Dan McCoy

[1:52:20] MaximumFun.org

S5

[1:52:24] Comedy and culture

[1:52:25] artist owned

Dan McCoy

[1:52:26] listener supported

S5

[1:52:27] do you live

[1:52:28] in the fictional

[1:52:29] city of Chicago

[1:52:30] do you love

[1:52:32] amazing podcasts

[1:52:33] like MaxFun's

[1:52:34] own

[1:52:34] Lady to Lady

[1:52:36] Minority Corner

[1:52:37] and Bullseye

[1:52:38] do you enjoy

[1:52:39] insightful interviews

[1:52:40] with talented actors

[1:52:41] and comedians

[1:52:42] like Dwayne Kennedy

[1:52:43] and Andre Royo

[1:52:44] don't miss your chance

[1:52:46] to be part of

[1:52:46] podcast history

[1:52:47] by attending

[1:52:48] the first ever

[1:52:49] Chicago Podcast Festival

[1:52:51] Lady to Lady

[1:52:52] and Bullseye

[1:52:52] take the stage

[1:52:53] on November 17th

[1:52:54] and Minority Corner

[1:52:56] performs on November 18th

[1:52:58] tickets are on sale

[1:52:59] right now

[1:52:59] visit MaximumFun.org

[1:53:01] for more information

[1:53:03] and to grab your ticket

[1:53:04] today

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Ep. #216 - The Gallows

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