Ep. #218 - Nine Lives

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Nine Lives.

[0:05] It's like a big-budget ripoff of A Talking Cat?

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:40] Hey guys, I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:42] And I'm Elliot Kalin. Glad Stuart popped his cap during his name thing and not once again during my name thing.

[0:49] Upstaging me with the opening of a bottle yet again, I feared.

[0:53] They're like, who's that cool character? Who's that new guy who just showed up?

[0:57] It's the original party animal that just wandered in while nerdy Caleb was talking.

[1:00] He just loves a brewski. Woo-hoo.

[1:02] That's you. Kids don't say brewski anymore.

[1:04] Wait, that's me?

[1:05] Yeah. Yeah, because they think that you're the one who loves beer.

[1:09] Oh yeah, because my context. Yeah, it's a real Kuleshov experiment.

[1:12] Yeah, yeah. So every time people hear your voice, they're thinking beer, beer, popping a beer.

[1:19] When they should be thinking chicken, chicken, tearing into some sweet fried chicken.

[1:24] So what do we do here on this here podcast, Dan?

[1:27] Why, thank you, sir. This here podcast is a bad movie podcast.

[1:32] Nothing to thank him for. Ask you a question. If anything, you made your life a little harder.

[1:37] This is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[1:43] And tonight we watched a movie called Nine Lives.

[1:48] Hey guys, what's been going on in your nine lives?

[1:51] Well, I've been helping my mom move.

[1:53] So I've spent a few days this week moving boxes, pouring kitty litter into paint so it'll dry up and we can toss it out of the dump.

[2:00] Yep.

[2:01] Bringing things to a storage facility.

[2:03] Did you have a situation where you needed to carry a box to somewhere else and you're like, nobody's going to let me go to that place with this box?

[2:09] So you put a headband on and some Mentos?

[2:12] Not really because we rented the storage space.

[2:16] While carrying the kitty litter box, I did think to myself, wow, I finally just like Glenn Danzig.

[2:21] Famously in a photograph carrying a box of kitty litter that he just bought.

[2:25] And I've had a lot of this conversation with my mom.

[2:28] Mom, you can throw this out.

[2:30] But you loved that when you were a kid.

[2:33] Yeah, but I don't want it anymore. I have no use for this.

[2:35] Well, we'll put it in storage and you can make that decision later.

[2:38] Thanks, mom.

[2:39] You have to put away those childish things.

[2:41] Yeah, it's right there in the Bible.

[2:44] That John Cougar Mellencamp song.

[2:46] Yeah, the Bible.

[2:48] Isn't the Bible just the best John Cougar Mellencamp song?

[2:51] Have you seen pictures of John Cougar Mellencamp lately?

[2:54] It's like the top of his head is trying to escape.

[2:57] He's more Cougar than Mellencamp now.

[2:59] It's like he is living his life, hoping to get some stunt casting in a Dick Tracy movie where he plays flat top.

[3:06] The Green Lantern villain.

[3:08] His head is bursting out of the scene.

[3:10] Sinestro?

[3:11] No, no, no, the other one with the big head from the movie.

[3:14] Who's in the wheelchair?

[3:15] Brainiac?

[3:16] No, that's Superman. I can't remember his name.

[3:18] He doesn't have a code name. It's just a human name.

[3:20] Oh, that's lame.

[3:21] Like James.

[3:22] So maybe he could be a modern Dick Tracy villain like Bruce Willis who would be called low lip because his upper lip is a crazy distance from his nose.

[3:33] Look at Bruce Willis and try not to think about how far away his upper lip is from his nose.

[3:38] It's insane.

[3:40] I think he would think he would rent himself out for life drawing classes.

[3:45] What would it look like if a Simpsons character existed in real life?

[3:50] Oh, Bruce Willis. There you go.

[3:52] Take that Hollywood superstar Bruce Willis.

[3:54] Hey, he can take it. Come on.

[3:56] He's still living on that North money.

[3:59] He's living on that Bruno money.

[4:01] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[4:02] The return of Bruno.

[4:03] Bruno's returns.

[4:04] And he's got a lot of harmonica to play at Planet Hollywood's Around the World.

[4:09] You kind of feel like he co-founded Planet Hollywood just so he'd always have a venue for performing as Bruno wherever he went.

[4:16] Well, does he like jump up there and play like Macktonite songs on a piano?

[4:20] Yeah, Macktonite.

[4:22] You know, all the blues trap are notwithstanding.

[4:25] There's not a lot of harmonica fronted band venues out there.

[4:29] Wherever Bob Dylan's playing.

[4:32] All right, I guess you got me there.

[4:36] Yeah.

[4:38] Because he finally learned what the answer was that was blown in the wind, and that was a huge win for meteorology.

[4:47] How that affects chemistry and not physics, I don't know.

[4:49] I'm not a scientist.

[4:51] I'm just a guy who's making it up as he goes along.

[4:53] But aren't we all?

[4:54] So Elliot was carrying boxes.

[4:56] Dan, what have you been up to?

[4:58] You know, man, just the Daily Grind.

[5:00] The Daily Show Grind, that is, on Comedy Central.

[5:02] Weeknights at 11 p.m. Monday through Thursday.

[5:04] Now hosted by Trevor Noah.

[5:06] Okay, so we normally watch a movie, and tonight was no different.

[5:09] And Stuart, what have you been up to?

[5:11] You really derailed it.

[5:13] I love how you're not trying to get it back on track as if we're the problem.

[5:16] Settle down, guys. Settle down.

[5:18] Now, here on this podcast.

[5:20] That's what's known as an attractive nuisance.

[5:24] You know, I just got back from the Midwest.

[5:27] Went on an adventure.

[5:28] That was our old stopping grounds.

[5:31] Oh, man.

[5:34] Flat as always?

[5:35] Well, I was in the kind of southern Midwest or the south, depending on who you ask.

[5:40] Well, what state were you in?

[5:42] I spent a little time in West Virginia.

[5:44] Okay, I'd call it the south.

[5:45] And then a little bit in old Kentucky.

[5:48] The south.

[5:50] Kentucky.

[5:51] Yep.

[5:52] Went to a wedding.

[5:53] Spent some time in malls.

[5:56] Yeah, it was pretty exciting.

[5:57] And I spent some time with children, which I don't know if you know this.

[6:01] They're covered in germs.

[6:03] Yeah, I own one.

[6:04] He's giving me those germs.

[6:05] He's making me sick all the time.

[6:07] I'm operating at like 30% tonight, guys.

[6:09] Really?

[6:10] Because you've been talking more than usual.

[6:12] You've been yammering like a yam.

[6:14] A big old yam.

[6:16] Hey, Dan, are you okay?

[6:18] He's got Thanksgiving on the mind.

[6:20] Take it fucking easy, dude.

[6:22] Dan, when you see yams, do they talk to you?

[6:24] Do they ever tell you to burn things?

[6:26] They tell me to put marshmallows on top of everything.

[6:30] Okay, that's fair.

[6:32] What are we doing?

[6:34] So we watched a bad movie.

[6:35] I don't even know what we're doing anymore.

[6:36] And we watched a bad movie tonight called?

[6:38] Nine Lives.

[6:39] We've been on this the third time.

[6:41] Nine Erotic Lives.

[6:43] Now, Nine Lives is the next in an unending series, I assume, of stories about talking cats that we'll cover on the show.

[6:50] And that is the second one.

[6:52] Talking cat?

[6:54] Nine Lives.

[6:55] Talking cat was a very low-budget, very, let's say, resourceless film.

[7:03] Well, that was a passion project.

[7:05] It was a passion project in which?

[7:07] Someone needed to tell a story.

[7:09] It was burning up their brain of what would happen if a cat could talk.

[7:12] And had magic powers.

[7:13] Now, in that one, Eric Roberts phoned in his performance as the cat literally.

[7:18] It sounded like he was on a phone.

[7:20] In this movie, Kevin Spacey plays the cat.

[7:23] And the audio quality is better, but the performance quality, oh, boy, not so much better.

[7:31] So you're saying they're about the same level of actor?

[7:34] I'm not saying that, although Eric Roberts is an underrated actor.

[7:38] And Kevin Spacey has not been playing to his total strengths in film, although having seen him on stage in Richard III, he was fantastic.

[7:47] Did he do his fucking foghorn leghorn impression he does on House of Cards?

[7:52] I mean, he played Richard III in kind of a similar way.

[7:55] I suppose I'll be a villain.

[7:58] A villain I shall be.

[8:00] I've always depended on the kindness of villains.

[8:03] That's a different way.

[8:04] Boy, boy, I'll say, boy, that's a joke, son.

[8:07] Winner of our discontent, son.

[8:09] That's Foghorn III.

[8:14] Horse boy.

[8:15] Horse son.

[8:17] Kingdom for my horse son.

[8:19] What other things happen in Richard III?

[8:21] All the clouds are glowered upon our houses.

[8:24] On the deep belly of the ocean buried, et cetera.

[8:28] Wait a minute.

[8:29] Those are actual lines.

[8:31] No, no, you're a genius.

[8:32] Anyway, so this movie, it's like when someone takes a little indie film and makes a big budget version of it and loses the soul.

[8:41] Like a tiny Indiana Jones movie where he's a little indie.

[8:45] A little indie film.

[8:47] I mean, I shrunk the indie.

[8:48] Would it have been any worse than Kingdom of the Crystal Skull?

[8:51] Indiana Jones and the Incredible Tiny Adventure.

[8:54] Yeah, it would have been a lot more.

[8:55] It would have been shrinking indie.

[8:56] I would have been standing next to things and being like, look at that thing there.

[8:59] It's huge.

[9:00] Yeah, that Ark of the Covenant.

[9:01] That's huge.

[9:02] That's just a little Elvis sketch for sure.

[9:05] Little damn Nazis are huge.

[9:07] Why do you sound like Elvis?

[9:09] He's the 30s.

[9:11] He's just a kid now.

[9:13] Elvis learned it from me.

[9:15] That would be amazing.

[9:16] And then he learned how to dance from Forrest Gump.

[9:18] Did Elvis come up with anything original?

[9:20] And he stole his music from black people?

[9:22] Yeah.

[9:23] And they call him the king.

[9:24] More like the King of Thieves.

[9:26] I thought Marty McFly invented it.

[9:28] No, that's the Prince of Thieves.

[9:29] Oh, OK.

[9:30] The son of the King of Thieves.

[9:31] I thought Marty McFly invented rock and roll.

[9:34] No, but Elvis didn't invent it.

[9:36] He just stole it from Marty McFly.

[9:38] Yeah.

[9:40] And your kids are going to love it.

[9:43] That's why they love rock and roll.

[9:45] I mean, my kids are going to love some kind of weird electro-rock music.

[9:50] Dub trance.

[9:51] I mean, right now my kid loves the Muppet song Nightlife,

[9:56] which is the least memorable Muppet song,

[9:58] although today he wanted me to sing it.

[10:00] Sing him, he calls it the Muppet Baby Song,

[10:02] but he means the song from Muppets Take Manhattan

[10:05] where they're babies.

[10:07] ♪ Gonna be a movie star ♪

[10:09] That one.

[10:10] The only thing that keeps me going late at night

[10:13] when I'm lying in bed with my covers pulled up

[10:16] to my throat and I'm staring into the blackness,

[10:19] the only thing that lets me fall asleep

[10:21] and consider waking up for the next day

[10:23] is assuming that Elliot's child will love

[10:27] the band Wild Stallions when he gets older.

[10:30] I mean, not just my child, the universe.

[10:32] Yeah, the universe,

[10:33] that somehow Wild Stallions will unite humanity.

[10:36] Yeah.

[10:37] Put all this, you know,

[10:39] all these political...

[10:40] The veil of tears is...

[10:41] Yeah, yeah.

[10:42] The veil of tears will be washed away

[10:44] in shimmering guitar solos.

[10:47] I mean, I did successfully get him to listen to

[10:49] and headbang to Master of Puppets the other morning

[10:52] after my wife had gone to work.

[10:53] Of course, he loves Master of Puppets.

[10:55] He loves the Muppets.

[10:56] I figured that would be the bridge

[10:57] that would get him through.

[10:59] But I was like, this is how daddy dances.

[11:01] And I would headbang.

[11:02] And he was like, I like to do it like this.

[11:04] And he was just shaking his head from side to side.

[11:06] And I'm like, all right,

[11:07] so I got a sideways headbanging.

[11:08] We'll try it, sure.

[11:10] Horizontal bang.

[11:11] Anyway, they have taken...

[11:12] So, A Talking Cat was the soulful indie version

[11:16] of A Talking Cat movie.

[11:17] Nine Lives is kind of like the big budget,

[11:19] soulless version of A Talking Cat.

[11:21] What's weird is that as low ambition

[11:26] as A Talking Cat was,

[11:27] Nine Lives seems to have even less ambition than that,

[11:31] which is crazy,

[11:31] because this is a Barry Sonnenfeld movie.

[11:33] And there's tons of swooping camera movements,

[11:36] the kind you would expect

[11:37] from the guy who shot Raising Our Zone.

[11:39] I've never seen a Barry Sonnenfeld movie

[11:41] or movies in general.

[11:42] What other movies has this guy made?

[11:44] Barry Sonnenfeld, he made...

[11:45] I know that to be a lie, sir.

[11:47] You were lying to us, but I'll buy the premise.

[11:50] Allow me to explain.

[11:51] Barry Sonnenfeld started out as a director of photography

[11:54] for, well, for porn, but also for the Coen brothers.

[11:57] He had worked on some porn movie at one point.

[11:59] When in his early days...

[12:00] I'm just imagining a swooping shot into a vagina.

[12:04] They were like, oh, you got to stop.

[12:06] It's just so disorienting.

[12:10] He just mounts the camera to a penis

[12:13] as it thrusts in and out.

[12:15] Well, I mean, it'd just be dark.

[12:16] That's the thing.

[12:17] Actually, now that sounds like a pretty good idea.

[12:18] Get a GoPro, strap it on.

[12:20] What?

[12:21] No, no one would enjoy that.

[12:22] I'm not saying there would be good porn.

[12:24] I think it would be interesting.

[12:24] Yeah, it's like the Hardcore Henry of porno movies.

[12:28] I mean, there is Hardcore Henry of porno movies.

[12:30] It's called POV porn.

[12:32] It's just that.

[12:33] Anyway.

[12:34] But like, are there guns and stuff?

[12:35] And does he throw grenades at people?

[12:37] Probably, I don't know.

[12:40] Can you see it in the theater?

[12:41] Is what I'm asking.

[12:42] No, only Show World and then...

[12:45] What's the other one near Show World in New York?

[12:46] Playpen?

[12:47] Anyway.

[12:50] I only know Show World

[12:51] because it's where I got my comedy part.

[12:52] We're talking about Barry Sonnenfeld.

[12:53] Barry Sonnenfeld.

[12:54] He directed Adam's Family and Adam's Family Values.

[12:56] He directed Get Shorty.

[12:57] Oh, I like those movies.

[12:58] He directed Men in Black.

[12:59] He's directed a ton of fun movies,

[13:01] and that's why they call him Ton of Fun Sonnenfeld.

[13:03] Lately, he's been on a little bit of a downslide.

[13:05] He did RV with Robin Williams.

[13:08] He did...

[13:09] Did he do...

[13:10] What else did he do recently?

[13:11] Did he do The Good Shorty?

[13:13] He didn't do Be Cool, did he?

[13:14] I don't think he did Be Cool, which I haven't seen.

[13:17] Get Shorty is a movie that I haven't seen in years,

[13:20] but I love.

[13:20] Like, when it first came out, I loved it.

[13:22] Still like it.

[13:23] I think it's a movie that would probably hold up really well.

[13:25] Feels like the kind of movie that, like,

[13:27] if you got your dad the DVD, you'd be like,

[13:30] he's gonna like this.

[13:31] Oh, yeah, sure.

[13:32] And being a dad, I love that stuff.

[13:34] Yeah, you're like, Dennis Farina, sign me up.

[13:36] Once my son was born, it was like,

[13:38] oh, I love bad jokes and Get Shorty

[13:39] and talking about military history.

[13:42] You're like any World War II film all of a sudden.

[13:45] Suddenly I'm buying tickets to Steely Dan concerts.

[13:47] What's this all about?

[13:48] Yeah, any World War II.

[13:50] Since my dad-

[13:50] It's because they don't play live that often.

[13:52] That's why you're buying those tickets.

[13:53] That's a good point.

[13:54] Just to tell people I saw it.

[13:56] My dad rates a lot of movies based on how accurate

[14:00] the battle scenes are.

[14:01] So-

[14:02] My dad is the exact same way.

[14:04] Even if, it could be the worst movie,

[14:05] but if the battle scene uniforms are fairly accurate,

[14:09] give it the Oscar.

[14:10] He loves it.

[14:11] I remember talking to my dad

[14:13] about Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers,

[14:15] and he was like, hmm, their approach to siege warfare

[14:19] was a little inaccurate.

[14:21] You're like-

[14:22] Shut up, dude.

[14:23] They also had wizards and Nazguls riding dragons.

[14:26] Come on.

[14:28] I mean, I'm glad he wasn't like,

[14:30] complaining that the Ents didn't look accurate

[14:33] to Tolkien's writing or some other bullshit.

[14:36] Yeah, yeah.

[14:36] Or the horns were not in it or whatever,

[14:38] those like more tree-like version of Ents.

[14:42] He loves it.

[14:43] His complaint was,

[14:44] where was Tom Bombadil in the first movie?

[14:47] Like, that doesn't even apply to The Two Towers, dude.

[14:50] Look, I couldn't accept any of the movies

[14:52] after I knew Tom wasn't showing up.

[14:54] Where were his delightful songs?

[14:56] Where was T-Bomb?

[14:57] That's what I call Tom Bombadil.

[14:59] That's what Goldberry calls him.

[15:01] I love, Tom Bombadil is my favorite character

[15:03] because he doesn't give a shit about anything.

[15:06] He's all powerful.

[15:07] It's like that famous internet video,

[15:09] Tom Bombadil Don't Give a Shit.

[15:11] You know?

[15:12] And there's the part where they're like,

[15:14] well, Tom Bombadil could imagine Sauron didn't exist

[15:18] and he'd be gone.

[15:19] Why don't we just give him the ring?

[15:19] And they'd be like, eh, he'd probably forget it somewhere.

[15:23] I love the idea of this like, absent-minded, adorable god

[15:26] who just wanders around the woods.

[15:29] Oh.

[15:30] I like that almost as much as fans of Tom Bombadil

[15:34] explaining why he couldn't just save the entire universe.

[15:38] Like, the people that are like,

[15:39] well, you know, he only has control

[15:41] over this part of the woods.

[15:43] They're like, come on, dude.

[15:46] It's not too far off from the argument

[15:47] about why they don't just give the fucking eagles,

[15:51] the, give Gwaihir and his buddies the ring

[15:54] and tell them to drop it off on their way by Mount Doom.

[15:56] Who would give the eagles the rings?

[15:58] That they can record more shitty rock music?

[16:02] They can create a world where people like Smuggler's Cove?

[16:05] Wait, so are you saying that if you give

[16:08] the members of the eagles, like, collectively,

[16:11] like, wrap it around them like a giant hula hoop?

[16:13] No, no, they each get it one day of the week.

[16:14] They have to share it, like a hockey trophy.

[16:15] Joe Walsh wouldn't give it up.

[16:17] No, that's true, he would just hold onto it.

[16:19] But, so wait, if you gave the eagles the ring,

[16:22] it wouldn't just turn them invisible,

[16:24] it would give them additional powers,

[16:25] like if they're Sauron himself?

[16:27] Yeah, exactly.

[16:28] Okay.

[16:28] Because they tap into the evil of music I don't like.

[16:32] Okay, wow.

[16:33] Even the one, even Hotel California,

[16:35] which is not a terrible song.

[16:36] It's not a good song.

[16:37] It's not a good song, but it's not the worst song.

[16:38] They then acousticized it and made it the worst song.

[16:42] Yeah, the eagles.

[16:44] Okay.

[16:45] Anyway, let's talk about the beagles.

[16:48] Let's talk about the beagles, a band that doesn't exist,

[16:50] but it does dog versions of eagle songs.

[16:52] The beagle boys.

[16:53] Such as Hotel for Dogs California.

[16:55] That is a mashup t-shirt just waiting to fucking happen.

[16:58] Okay, let's go back to this movie, Nine Lives.

[17:01] So, it follows the track of a lot of movies,

[17:04] which is the story of a businessman

[17:06] who doesn't make enough time for his family,

[17:09] and so magical X, Y, and Z happens,

[17:12] and he learns to spend time with his family.

[17:14] In this case, Kevin Spacey plays Brand, who is a-

[17:20] Tom Brand.

[17:21] Tom Brand.

[17:22] We decided to take a break from the politics of the day.

[17:24] He's not Brand, the older brother from the fucking Goonies.

[17:27] Good point.

[17:28] So, we decided, hey, let's take a break

[17:30] from the politics of the day,

[17:31] and this presidential election we're not crazy about,

[17:34] and let's watch a movie about a rich businessman

[17:39] who's trying to build the tallest building,

[17:40] and he has a complicated relationship with his son.

[17:43] Oh, man, there's no way to escape it.

[17:47] Oh, man.

[17:49] But anyway, and he puts his name on everything.

[17:51] So, he plays Brand, Tom Brand, who's a big businessman.

[17:55] What does his business do?

[17:56] A little bit of everything, but right now,

[17:58] what it's doing is building the tallest building

[18:00] in the Northern Hemisphere.

[18:02] We're introduced to him as he jumps out of a plane

[18:03] while talking to his son, played by Robbie Amell.

[18:07] Now, the movie opens with a swooshing camera movement,

[18:11] which literally goes from cats.

[18:13] He has a voiceover about how cats are shitty.

[18:15] Nobody likes cats.

[18:16] They suck.

[18:17] We get to watch some YouTube videos of cats,

[18:18] and we're like, oh, that's great.

[18:19] And then-

[18:20] This is a fun thing I like to do.

[18:22] We see cats playing with New York in the background.

[18:24] The camera zooms over the entire river,

[18:26] under the Brooklyn Bridge or over it,

[18:28] straight up to a plane, into the plane,

[18:31] where Tom Brand is about to jump out as a promotional stunt.

[18:36] And to be honest, I got to applaud the audacity

[18:40] of a camera move that huge and that stupid.

[18:43] It's all done with CGI.

[18:44] It's not-

[18:45] Oh, wow, you're really going out on a limb here, Elliott.

[18:47] Sticking up for this camera move.

[18:49] Look, I like crazy camera moves sometimes.

[18:52] And when the movie started, the camera zooms

[18:55] all the way across into the city.

[18:57] Then we're introduced to a guy

[18:59] who then jumps out of an airplane

[19:01] to land on the top of his own building

[19:03] to talk about how he's gonna make the tallest building.

[19:05] And this company in Chicago

[19:06] that's trying to make a taller building, forget about it.

[19:09] And everything looks super CGI, super green screen.

[19:12] And I was like, you know what?

[19:13] If they can keep up this style of forced,

[19:16] over-the-top artificiality throughout,

[19:19] at least it's gonna be like a fun-looking movie.

[19:21] Yeah, it's gonna be a real live-action cartoon of a film.

[19:23] Alas, it did not live up to that.

[19:25] So Chicago's trying to beat New York again?

[19:28] And they're not gonna win.

[19:28] What do they think, it's the fucking World's Fair

[19:30] in Chicago all over again?

[19:32] I mean, well, the Chicago,

[19:33] you mean the Columbian Exposition?

[19:35] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[19:36] That was before the New York World's Fairs.

[19:37] That was 1893.

[19:39] The New York World's Fairs were in 1939 and 1964.

[19:44] Well, which way, which one was better

[19:45] and which one had more murders?

[19:47] Well, there were way more murders

[19:49] at the 93 Columbian Exposition,

[19:51] as explained in Eric Larson's The Devil in the White City.

[19:55] Not the creator of The Savage Dragon, Eric Larson,

[19:58] and not the Eric Larson who was an animator.

[20:00] for disney roughly around the time of robin hood

[20:02] uh... not robin hood the actual person but the movie robert hood from disney

[20:06] the prince of thieves yeah no not prince of thieves the cartoon with the fox that

[20:09] all the girls had a crush on and they became furries when they grow up but

[20:12] robin hood was the prince of thieves so you're partially right he was not the

[20:16] prince of thieves

[20:18] no which was a different guy

[20:20] the what the theseus

[20:22] uh... or was it was

[20:24] where oedipus was it was he in thieves i don't know dan

[20:28] who was in thieves

[20:30] uh... just a bunch of dudes

[20:32] you're right a bunch of dudes

[20:36] the thirty nine world's fair did have a couple of

[20:39] killings the sixty four as far as i know had nothing

[20:42] but the sixty four was

[20:43] the sixty four lacked the audacity of vision of the thirty nine in the

[20:48] ninety three thirty nine of course is my favorite of all time

[20:51] truly the world of tomorrow

[20:53] the ninety three

[20:54] the white city also beautiful

[20:56] the sixty four as i'm more like an amusement park than anything else

[20:59] it did introduce disney's animatronics with their meet mister lincoln

[21:03] attraction

[21:04] which is now the hall of presidents

[21:06] okay was that like uh... like one of them chuck e cheese's yes it was a

[21:10] proto chuck e cheese's now imagine alternate world where instead of

[21:15] nolan bushnell using a robot mouse for his chuck e cheese

[21:19] franchise because it was nolan bushnell right from atari

[21:21] jeez i don't know why are you looking at me like that

[21:24] instead walt disney started a pizza family restaurant that was called

[21:28] abie lynx pizza

[21:30] and it's abraham lincoln serving pizza

[21:32] take that name back to the drawing board

[21:35] i like that it was called meet mister lincoln like it was just like

[21:39] the animatronic was just a mister lincoln who was like

[21:41] he had to like sign autographs and pose for pictures and for some reason the

[21:46] robot was really like

[21:48] annoyed about it like oh alright can i get a picture with you mister president

[21:52] ten bucks

[21:54] beep boop four score and ten bucks please oh wow

[21:58] actually that would be a lot of money that would be like ninety bucks

[22:01] yeah

[22:02] and it's just what for the rest of that quote what are you giving him ten bucks

[22:05] for? to take a picture with him

[22:08] yeah

[22:09] for that cliffhanger to be resolved

[22:11] yeah yeah it's like just a little t-shirt

[22:14] it's like putting money in on a long distance call

[22:16] four score and ten dollars to continue

[22:20] seven years ago our ten dollars oh man

[22:23] it's a short speech but it's going to cost me so much

[22:26] now i think i want to check

[22:27] i think i want to check the tape because i think L.A. just said long

[22:30] discants instead of long distants

[22:34] readers right in

[22:36] readers of the transcript

[22:39] anyone who's looking at the closed captioning let us know

[22:43] uh... he's obsessed with building the tallest building in the world it's

[22:46] putting his control of his company on the line because the board of directors

[22:49] don't like it and to be fair the board of directors have a very strong case in

[22:54] that their company seems to be suffering under his obsession with building the

[22:57] tallest building in north america

[23:00] his son is trying to support him and meanwhile his vice president or second

[23:04] in command or whatever Ian is trying to undermine him

[23:07] but all this construction talk

[23:10] well one it points out that this is one of many children's films in which the

[23:13] creators of the film seem to be under the belief that kids love to watch

[23:16] corporate intrigue and doings that like kids have any understanding of what it

[23:21] means to lose control of a corporation or interest to be honest well maybe this

[23:26] is some of the stuff they slip into the movie for the adults to keep the adults

[23:30] interested because adults are very interested in the idea that someone has a

[23:34] controlling stock share of the company

[23:37] but all this business is keeping away from his daughter now

[23:41] he has

[23:42] two possibly three children Kevin Spacey

[23:45] he has his son who is a grown man who works at his company

[23:48] Robbie Amell one half of Firestorm briefly on CW's The Flash

[23:53] I think yeah it was just on The Flash TV show

[23:55] now the other half being Victor Garber now the ex-wife his ex-wife Cheryl

[23:59] Hines has a daughter

[24:00] it is never quite explained whether this is his daughter and we've talked about how

[24:03] Cheryl Hines is basically a professional ex-wife on TV and movie shows have we

[24:07] talked about that

[24:08] I don't know but that seems to be your job like

[24:10] Judy Greer and her in going out for the same roles I imagine

[24:14] uh... possibly except they're very different

[24:17] I think well I've said it before

[24:18] Judy Greer is the version of that role that's sympathetic

[24:21] Judy Greer has been so mistreated by Hollywood she should be like

[24:25] the star of romantic comedies and instead she's always like

[24:29] and by life she should be my wife

[24:31] wow this is an odd place to do a proposal

[24:35] Judy Greer if you're out there

[24:37] look me up

[24:37] any Greer you'd take Pam Greer for sure she's beautiful

[24:41] I'd take Greer Garson I don't even know who that is

[24:43] she's dead she's been dead for years

[24:45] Academy Award winner I believe

[24:47] she's long dead but you'll take her

[24:49] yeah

[24:50] you'll just take that sound

[24:52] rrrr

[24:53] it's like a sexy cat

[24:55] is there any other kind yes and it's in this movie

[24:58] so anyway

[24:59] uh... what his daughter but he also has he's married to Jennifer Garner and they have a

[25:02] young daughter

[25:02] that daughter wants a cat more than anything else for her birthday

[25:05] but Kevin Spacey hates cats he doesn't want to buy her a damn cat

[25:09] and he can buy anything in the world

[25:11] he could buy her the rights to Garfield he's so rich and say

[25:14] here's your cat it's beloved by millions every day

[25:17] feed it lasagna there you go

[25:19] he could certainly buy Jim Davis

[25:22] at the very least he could buy the rights to Heathcliff

[25:25] yeah it's super cheap

[25:26] oh crazy cat

[25:27] although whoever makes Heathcliff is some kind of mad genius who keeps turning in the

[25:32] strangest crap

[25:35] there's the part in the end of a lot of Heathcliffs where they're like

[25:39] Nancy Grew from Kalamazoo, Michigan has a cat that likes to watch TV while eating crackers

[25:45] it took me a long time to start thinking

[25:47] wait a minute

[25:48] I don't think these are real people with real cats

[25:51] these might just be made up cats

[25:53] was that your loss of innocence

[25:56] because you were masturbating in front of your parents

[26:01] I don't know

[26:02] that really sounds like it was more my parents' loss of innocence at that point

[26:04] that I just walked out stroking it going

[26:06] check this out I'm doing this

[26:07] I'm a big boy now

[26:08] hey do you guys know about this?

[26:10] have you heard of this?

[26:11] have you seen this?

[26:12] it's pretty great

[26:13] it feels great

[26:14] do you guys do this?

[26:15] how come no one's talking about this?

[26:17] if you haven't done it you should try this

[26:19] this is amazing

[26:20] oh boy

[26:21] I gotta talk about this at school

[26:23] I'm gonna patent this thing

[26:26] I'm like the guy who discovered fire

[26:28] this is crazy

[26:31] it's crazy

[26:32] it's amazing

[26:33] it's other Aerosmith songs

[26:34] yeah crying

[26:35] sweet emotions

[26:40] Janie's got a gun

[26:41] I got this

[26:44] anyway so

[26:47] he says fine

[26:48] I'll buy her a cat

[26:50] and due to a mix up with his phone

[26:53] he ends up being directed to a

[26:55] kind of a magical cat place

[26:56] it's called

[26:57] a real Mr. McGorriam's Wonder Emporium

[26:59] it's Mr. Felineorium's Cat Emporium

[27:02] it's the kind of cool

[27:03] characterful store you could find in New York

[27:06] before Giuliani

[27:08] before Giuliani ran out all the magic cat stores

[27:12] now this is the moment when he's about to go to Perkins

[27:14] where I'm like wait a minute

[27:16] Christopher Walken's in this movie

[27:17] why are you saying the name of the restaurant Perkins weird?

[27:21] it's not the restaurant Perkins

[27:22] it's Perkins

[27:24] P-U-R-R-K-I-N-S

[27:26] which is I assume named after the cat version of Anthony Perkins

[27:29] how many people do you think go there and they're like

[27:32] I can't wait to eat their chicken fried steak

[27:34] and then get there and they're like

[27:35] there's just cats here

[27:37] the owner of the store says I'll have chicken fried cat

[27:43] now this is the moment where I was like

[27:45] oh Christopher Walken's in this movie

[27:46] he's either going to be the crazy mystical owner of this magic store

[27:49] or he's the voice of the street smart cat

[27:52] who's going to teach Kevin Spacey the business

[27:53] when Kevin Spacey becomes a cat

[27:55] no he's the mystical owner of the cat store

[27:57] basically playing the same role he played in that Adam Sandler movie

[28:00] where he has the magic remote

[28:02] so the other version is the one that destroys scale models of country bears

[28:08] arenas right?

[28:10] yeah exactly

[28:12] or is always mad at his money getting stolen by kangaroo jacks

[28:17] and I'll say this for Christopher Walken

[28:19] he brings a sense of delight and fun

[28:22] to his role of magic cat store owner

[28:25] in this otherwise pretty lifeless movie

[28:28] so he says hey I've got some

[28:30] you don't find a cat, a cat finds you

[28:32] here's a cat

[28:33] say it like Christopher Walken

[28:34] you don't find a cat

[28:36] a cat

[28:38] finds

[28:40] you

[28:42] ooh

[28:43] period

[28:45] end quote

[28:47] yeah so he runs a magic cat shop

[28:49] filled with a ton of cats

[28:51] there's three of every kind of cat

[28:53] which

[28:55] well it's kind of a thematic thing

[28:57] because later on there's a thing about a song called

[28:59] three cool cats

[29:00] now he goes

[29:02] okay I'll take this cat

[29:03] I'll take this bowl

[29:04] it says Mr. Fuzzy Pants on it

[29:05] I guess that's my cat's slave name

[29:08] that I'm just going to thrust on it

[29:10] he's known among his people

[29:12] he is Whiskers Clawbringer

[29:14] but now he is Mr. Fuzzy Pants

[29:16] yeah it's that kind of innocuous choice

[29:17] you might make in a role playing game

[29:19] only to find out later on

[29:21] that will dictate the entire path of your life

[29:23] yeah

[29:24] and you're going to be playing Mr. Fuzzy Pants for ten years

[29:26] like you come up with a stupid name like Lucian Butt Watcher

[29:29] and you're like

[29:30] this seems funny in the moment

[29:31] but overall

[29:32] maybe I should have chosen something else

[29:34] yeah or you come up with a great name like

[29:35] Jeremy Scales Fang Battle

[29:37] and you're happy about it every day of your life

[29:39] so

[29:41] he gets a

[29:42] two paths diverse in a forest

[29:44] yellow wood

[29:45] oh sorry

[29:46] and I

[29:47] I took the road

[29:48] less traveled by

[29:49] and I got lost

[29:50] please

[29:51] save me

[29:52] someone save me

[29:53] I'm lost in the woods

[29:54] I see why nobody takes this path

[29:56] that's from Robert died of

[30:00] for us

[30:00] no more

[30:01] sad really

[30:03] we did i eventually

[30:04] uh... for a host of the last bit

[30:08] uh...

[30:09] so he gets this cat and he's racing to that he's racing to get to his daughter's

[30:13] birthday uh... oh

[30:14] he and his second-in-command command calls him

[30:16] they've gotta meet now at the top of their new building

[30:20] he rushes their cat in hand

[30:22] and because it is only the cat in his sports car only to be told if someone

[30:26] might steal it only to be told

[30:28] and you shouldn't leave a cat in a closed car

[30:30] yeah but you don't like he doesn't like cats it is kind of weird that he takes it

[30:34] with him yeah

[30:35] uh... maybe he wants to show the cat where he works

[30:39] it's like a moment of male dominance here's an espresso machine cat

[30:44] wait what is that coffee

[30:46] there's a stand-up who has a joke about

[30:50] i mean a long time ago a stand-up who had a joke about

[30:52] the only time his cat has ever left the apartment is to go to the vet

[30:56] and get a thermometer put up his butt

[30:58] and he realizes his cat sees him leave the apartment every day

[31:02] is that where his cat thinks he's going to be

[31:05] please write in if you remember what comic that is or if you ever are that comic

[31:09] or if you are that comedian write in and tell him no i just like that i didn't take

[31:13] credit for it i like that joke i'd love to give proper credit for it i'm not the

[31:16] fat jew i'm a very skinny jew

[31:17] i give credit for jokes that i've stolen

[31:20] anyway

[31:22] i really thought you were going to say i give credit where credit is due

[31:25] which i'm happy you didn't do

[31:28] that would have been so much better

[31:31] he goes up to the top

[31:33] a storm begins and ian's telling him

[31:35] hey look

[31:37] the company is not going to build these buildings anymore i'm going to fight you

[31:40] for control of the company blah blah blah

[31:42] it starts to rain

[31:43] lightning

[31:44] he gets knocked off the building kevin spacey and ian

[31:47] chooses not to save him

[31:49] save me

[31:51] uh... he doesn't offer to not fire him

[31:55] which i think was a mistake that's a tactical error

[31:59] he says you're fired

[32:00] again trump

[32:01] he says he says you're fired

[32:02] and he gets knocked off the roof

[32:04] and the guy says

[32:06] you know he's about to save him i guess because kevin spacey's seen things you

[32:10] couldn't imagine z beams glittering off whatever

[32:13] and attack ships on fire that's that moment of fantasy you know that we all go through where like

[32:18] we're presented with that moment where the boss that fired us is dangling from

[32:22] the top of a building

[32:23] and we can be like we got the power now

[32:26] boss

[32:27] like you shouldn't have fired me from that brickwork job i had

[32:30] i could have been the best mason's assistant you've ever seen in this town

[32:35] yeah this seems like it's based on real experience i could have shoveled sand into that thing and made

[32:40] masonry junk you wouldn't have even watched it you don't seem like you're a bad mason's assistant

[32:45] i think i would have fired you too can i fire you now from this job

[32:48] uh... sorry guys i'm just working through some stuff you know

[32:52] i just got back from the midwest and like it was kind of a homecoming but not

[32:57] really uh... real elizabeth town

[33:01] not far from elizabeth town right

[33:03] and i met this girl named kirsten dunst and she was all like did you like my performance in melancholia

[33:10] and i was like yeah it was pretty good uh...

[33:14] were you in spider-man and she's like na doy and i'm like okay weird chill out

[33:20] uh... and then i came back

[33:24] okay well i guess we'll have to yes in this situation is she kirsten or kristin

[33:28] kirsten she's kirsten uh... i was wrong kristin dunst is a completely different actress

[33:32] uh... and then there's kristin dunst and checks in

[33:35] who is an orangutan

[33:38] do you think

[33:39] that dunst and checks in gets referenced more on movie podcasts or in real life

[33:44] uh... i'm going to say movie podcasts

[33:48] it is very rare that someone goes

[33:50] we're in a real dunst and checks in situation it gets referenced a surprising amount at the

[33:55] daily show i'll say and it never gets put into scripts because we're like it does not surprise me

[34:00] there's a lot of discussion it's like do we think trevor knows dunst and checks in is that a

[34:04] south african reference that he would

[34:07] no i don't think so

[34:08] now is that the one where joey uh joey that's not it's the character he played

[34:13] matt leblanc plays baseball that's ed

[34:16] that's ed dunst and checks in i think has uh... jason alexander

[34:20] it's set in a hotel hence the checks in of the title and it's uh... what's her face uh...

[34:24] who was in american beauty later

[34:27] muni suvari

[34:28] no the other one

[34:29] oh uh... thora birch yeah thora birch thora birch yeah from ghost world

[34:34] now not to be confused with the movie where renee russo has a pet gorilla

[34:39] which i don't remember the name of it was like george or something like that

[34:42] what about the movie where whoopi goldberg is a cop and her partner is a dinosaur

[34:46] that's theodore rex

[34:48] which is also the name of a biography of teddy roosevelt

[34:52] the second in edmund morrison's brilliant trilogy

[34:56] which is the movie where there's a great ape that lusts after elizabeth shue

[35:02] that's uh... that might be a lot better

[35:05] no

[35:07] the

[35:08] i don't think we're going to have a tangent over the charlize theron who's

[35:13] in the remake of made by jillian

[35:15] i'm thinking of a richard franklin movie

[35:18] is richard franklin

[35:19] he made uh... psycho two and road games

[35:23] okay

[35:25] anyway so

[35:27] it we were at the most exciting part of the movie can space is dangling for his

[35:30] very life he slips falls he has the cat in his hand

[35:36] he's in a coma

[35:37] uh... but he can see it all happening

[35:40] he's in the body of the cat

[35:42] alone

[35:43] hijinks ensue

[35:44] incorrect hijinks

[35:47] uh... they continue to not sue it's like the movie it keeps setting up scenarios

[35:51] in which

[35:51] the cat can do funny things

[35:53] and does not pay them off in the cat just as cat things

[35:56] long story he goes home

[35:57] he manages to drown his

[36:00] sorrows in some fifty-year-old mccallan

[36:03] yeah uh... tips and master and looks it up cat style he tries to use a pen to

[36:09] right

[36:10] and no explaining who that to his family that he's been taken back to his family's

[36:13] apartment

[36:13] and his family his wife his daughter

[36:15] are taking the fact that he's in a life-threatening coma

[36:18] pretty well

[36:19] they use a bad dad developer dad that's true but like

[36:24] they never cry like this will probably daughters like mom can i sleep in your

[36:27] bed tonight she was ok but like

[36:30] they seem to be going through the motions it's like it

[36:33] is that the source of the thing i was supposed to do it and i don't know how

[36:35] much more is this what you're going to hear is barry sonnenfeld movie where

[36:39] you're like if i was barry sonnenfeld i'd make them cry in every scene

[36:43] well i don't know if they're dealing with they're dealing with

[36:46] it would be a bit like someone they love

[36:49] is in serious dislike i've had family members had a family member in a coma

[36:53] is terrible like everyone was shaken but they're like

[36:56] this is really inconvenient that but i think i think this is supposed to be a

[37:00] bit of an indication of like how estranged he is from the family like

[37:05] you know jennifer garner was thinking about leaving him secretly

[37:09] the daughter was also the amount of that but the other doesn't seem a lot but

[37:13] also like she's being shielded from how serious it is like she thinks like

[37:18] i guess what about his son

[37:21] his son yes i'm probably should be a little more than any throws himself into

[37:24] work they'll just kind of like take it in stride i mean the thing is that

[37:27] it made it feel to me like that they were heartless in addition to his being

[37:31] heartless

[37:32] you know what do you think they learned it dude

[37:34] good point yet from watching you dad and learned it from watching you

[37:38] adults who do drugs have kids who do drugs. Speaking of which, this is a movie about cats and a

[37:42] bad dad and yet cats in the cradle never shows up a single time. There was

[37:46] a point where a record. I'm guessing it was too expensive. A record is being put on a record player

[37:50] and one of you guys was like it better not be cats in the cradle.

[37:56] uh... so now he's a cat

[37:58] which i mean according to the aristocats would be great because everybody wants

[38:02] to be a cat

[38:03] i don't know neither does kevin spacey

[38:05] and he's got to learn how to learn. You'd be allergic to yourself.

[38:08] yeah that would be the worst

[38:10] yeah

[38:10] that would be terrible. Like a weird twilight zone. A real x-file.

[38:15] You say x-file?

[38:18] Non-technology based black mirror.

[38:21] So we're introduced to this cat.

[38:25] We're introduced to this cat and at first we're like man that's a really cute fuzzy cat

[38:29] and then they start doing a lot of physical comedy that involves a CGI

[38:34] version of that cat.

[38:35] A very CGI cat. And I love cats and this cat started to annoy me a lot. I was like if I

[38:40] had this cat. The real one or the CGI cat? The CGI cat.

[38:44] It's a CGI cat. It's garbage.

[38:47] But it was also being a dick of a cat.

[38:49] It kept destroying that picture of George W. Bush.

[38:54] There's a picture of America's hero. There's a picture of Kevin Spacey

[38:58] hanging out with George W. Bush and it filled the niche that

[39:02] in eighties movies if you saw someone in an office and they had a picture of Ronald Reagan

[39:06] on their desk

[39:07] you'd be like oh that's the bad guy. He's heartless and he only cares about money.

[39:10] And looking back now I just took it for granted as a kid. If you saw a picture of

[39:14] Ronald Reagan in someone's office that's the villain

[39:16] because it always was. Looking back now I'm like he was president at the time.

[39:20] That's crazy. This is liberal Hollywood. Yeah but George W. Bush

[39:25] it's the same shorthand like oh of course he's a guy who only cares about money. There's a

[39:28] picture of him with George W. Bush.

[39:30] There's a couple jokes in a row where he accidentally does more damage to his

[39:33] picture of him with George W. Bush and it was like. Those are kind of funny.

[39:36] There were a couple moments that were kind of funny because it was like

[39:39] oh yeah that's like a joke. That's most of the weight of the joke.

[39:43] But he's

[39:44] to make a long story short

[39:46] so it's not a shaggy cat story. Kevin Spacey has to learn how to like be a

[39:50] good cat and become part of this family and show them the love he didn't show

[39:55] them as a human. And there are a number of sequences. One where dogs are chasing

[39:58] him in the apartment.

[40:00] where he has to sneak into a building

[40:01] because Ian meanwhile is trying to take control

[40:03] of the company away from his son

[40:06] who has come up with a way that they can beat Chicago

[40:08] at the tallest building game.

[40:09] There are all these scenes that are like

[40:12] demanding the cat do funny things and they just don't.

[40:16] He just doesn't do, he just kind of walks into rooms

[40:19] or sneaks around or the dogs chase him

[40:21] and they just kind of run through hallways.

[40:23] There's no jokes.

[40:24] I don't know, there's a couple of really good scenes

[40:26] where the humans are interacting

[40:29] and then it will cut to the cat as if they're like,

[40:33] now the cat is being contemplative

[40:35] or like really thinking hard and it's crazy

[40:38] because it's just the face of a cat.

[40:40] It's just zooming in on a cat's face

[40:43] and the cat is not acting.

[40:44] And the cat's clearly thinking like,

[40:46] I'm so high on whatever kind of drugs they gave Mr. Ed.

[40:52] No, the cat is thinking,

[40:53] I'm gonna keep staring at the laser pointer

[40:56] that is being held steady right off camera

[40:59] so that I look in the same direction that I'm supposed to.

[41:02] And Christopher Walken gets called in,

[41:04] they find the cat rips his ad out of the Yellow Pages

[41:07] to show it to him.

[41:08] The cat is, you hear a couple of-

[41:09] How about Yellow Pages, huh?

[41:11] Yes.

[41:12] Did it get that from a museum or something?

[41:14] Speaking as someone who is, for some reason,

[41:17] always having phone books tossed in front of his door

[41:20] without asking for them, those still exist, I guess.

[41:24] You assume that a bunch of them were printed up

[41:26] 20 years ago and they're still just trying to get rid of them?

[41:29] Yeah, yeah.

[41:30] You're not waiting out front saying, I'm an old person.

[41:33] No, no.

[41:33] There's a listing in here for Andrew Rooney.

[41:35] He died years ago.

[41:39] What this, oh, I'm not gonna tell that joke, I guess,

[41:42] but there's a whole page of numbers for the offices

[41:45] at the World Trade Center.

[41:47] This phone book is out of date.

[41:50] So I did tell the joke in the end.

[41:51] But he's, every way he can find to try to communicate

[41:55] that he's actually their husband slash father, Tom,

[41:58] he uses the magnets on the refrigerator,

[42:00] he spells out his name in yarn,

[42:02] and finally he rips out the ad from the Yellow Pages

[42:05] and it's for Mr. Perkins, Christopher Walken, a cat whisperer

[42:10] and they bring him in.

[42:11] He's the only guy who understands Kevin Spacey

[42:14] could talk to him.

[42:15] And he says, you've gotta figure out

[42:17] how you got into this mess and you gotta be a good cat

[42:20] and you're gonna, and at one point he says,

[42:23] he's like, you're gonna have to be a good cat.

[42:25] And he's like, I'm not gonna do it.

[42:26] I hate cats, blah, blah, blah.

[42:27] And he goes, ma'am, I've noticed this cat hasn't been fixed.

[42:31] And Kevin Spacey's like, I'll be good.

[42:33] And he's like, oh, guys, in this kid's movie,

[42:35] the main character was just threatened with castration.

[42:37] Okay, like that.

[42:38] Well, I think that his motivating characteristic

[42:42] is like, I don't wanna not have a dick.

[42:44] I mean, it's a basic human drive.

[42:48] No, sure.

[42:49] Even among women, it's called penis envy.

[42:52] Boyd invented that.

[42:53] He was wrong.

[42:54] But as a cat, I couldn't help but like.

[42:57] As a cat, I was offended by this.

[42:59] My life has never been better since I was fixed.

[43:02] I can do whatever I want with no consequences.

[43:05] I don't have a litter of runts chasing me around.

[43:08] That I know of.

[43:09] That's the thing, like, I guess it's, yeah,

[43:10] it's just that, first of all, I guess I misspoke.

[43:13] It was just his testicles that would be taken from him.

[43:15] That's true.

[43:15] Actually, I shouldn't have said castrated, yeah.

[43:17] But secondly, like.

[43:19] Testiculated.

[43:20] You have to draw this line of thinking out further

[43:24] and think like, all right, so Kevin Spacey, I guess,

[43:27] is assuming that he's not gonna get back into his own body

[43:30] if he cares that much about these cat's testicles.

[43:32] And then, like, is he like thinking about the future?

[43:35] Is he thinking about like when he's gonna wanna fuck

[43:37] a lady cat?

[43:38] That's absolutely what he's thinking.

[43:41] When he gets back.

[43:41] Because unlike when his, I guess at this point,

[43:46] is she considered his ex-wife or still his wife

[43:48] at this point?

[43:49] Who, Jennifer Garner?

[43:50] Yeah, when he's turned into a cat.

[43:51] No, they're still, as far as they know, he's in a coma.

[43:53] They're still married.

[43:54] So his cat man is still married.

[43:56] Slippery slope.

[43:57] So his wife pours out some cat food for him

[44:01] and he is disgusted.

[44:03] So it would, using that logic, you would assume

[44:06] that he would also be disgusted at the possibility

[44:08] of having sex with a female cat.

[44:10] Hey, if you're that desperate, I don't know.

[44:12] It's like being in jail, you know.

[44:13] You find new things.

[44:14] Or being a pirate, you know.

[44:16] You didn't think you'd be attracted to a hole in a barrel,

[44:22] but soon you're sticking your penis in it

[44:24] because that's all there is.

[44:25] That explains a lot about the fourth

[44:26] Pirates of the Caribbean movie.

[44:28] Now look, you see a manatee now and you're like,

[44:31] ew, gross, because you see human women all the time.

[44:34] When you're out with Blackbeard's crew,

[44:36] you see a manatee, you're like,

[44:38] it's the same vague shape as a person.

[44:40] And the thing is, dude, back in that day,

[44:43] like, that was what was attractive in a lady.

[44:45] Yeah, that's why, that she had a tail and could eat seaweed.

[44:49] Well, mermaids had tails, too.

[44:52] Well, that's where the mermaids came from,

[44:53] because they looked at manatees with their eye patch goggles

[44:55] and they saw them as beautiful women.

[44:57] Yeah, but I mean, at the time,

[44:59] a woman with a healthy upper lip

[45:03] and kind of a grayish cast to her skin

[45:05] was what was popular.

[45:06] Oh yeah, well, that one meant you were rich

[45:07] because you never saw the sun.

[45:08] You could stay inside all day.

[45:10] And that upper lip meant that you had a mustache.

[45:14] Now, Dan, it's interesting that you mentioned

[45:16] human-cat marriage, because what this movie

[45:18] reminded me of more than anything else

[45:19] was a short story called My Father the Cat

[45:22] by Henry Sleazar, that I first-

[45:24] Sorry, Gerard Depardieu.

[45:25] Yeah, that I first, and Katherine Heigl

[45:27] in a bathing suit as a 14-year-old,

[45:29] but that I first encountered in a book

[45:32] called 101 Creepy Little Creature Stories

[45:34] that, as a kid, that and a short story book

[45:37] called Cosmic Creatures, I think,

[45:39] were two big building blocks for my interest

[45:42] in fantastic fiction and weird fiction, you might say.

[45:45] And it's this story about-

[45:46] That led you right to Gunter Grass and Salman Rushdie.

[45:49] Right from that to the tin drum

[45:51] and the ground beneath her feet.

[45:54] But no, that came out when I was older.

[45:56] It's a book, most of the stories in the book

[45:58] were like your basic horror stories,

[46:00] where it was like,

[46:00] they say this part of the jungle has a monster.

[46:03] Eh, that's crazy.

[46:04] Cue monster kills somebody.

[46:05] That's the end of the story.

[46:07] This was about a guy who is the son of a cat,

[46:09] a male cat and a human woman.

[46:12] And they raise, and the cat is very cultured,

[46:15] and they raise him in this kind of cultured,

[46:17] either English or French countryside.

[46:19] I think it's the French.

[46:20] And he goes off into the world.

[46:21] He meets a girl and he falls in love,

[46:23] and he takes her home,

[46:25] and he's not sure how to broach the fact

[46:27] that his dad is a cat.

[46:29] And his dad, sensing this,

[46:31] pretends to be just a regular cat

[46:33] and allows the woman to,

[46:36] allows this fiance to pet him and treat,

[46:38] and he, instead of eating at the table

[46:40] like he normally would,

[46:41] eats out of a dish on the floor.

[46:42] And the son is so heartbroken

[46:45] that his dad is having to demean himself

[46:48] in order to not scare away the woman

[46:51] that his son loves.

[46:52] And it's like,

[46:53] I found it to be a really touching story.

[46:54] And somehow, this movie reminded me of that story,

[46:57] and I was like, oh,

[46:58] so it is possible to find emotion

[47:00] in a story about a talking cat.

[47:01] But this movie didn't manage to do it.

[47:03] And then there was a funeral outside,

[47:04] and the cat goes,

[47:05] and now I'm the king of the cats,

[47:07] and he shoots up the chimney.

[47:08] I know, what?

[47:10] No.

[47:14] Anyway, to get back to Nine Lives,

[47:16] I apologize,

[47:17] that was a tangent on my part.

[47:18] To get back to Nine Lives,

[47:19] yes, he wants to have sex with a cat.

[47:21] His big worry, of course,

[47:22] is that, the same worry any cat has,

[47:24] that paint will fall on his back

[47:26] and a skunk will try to rape him.

[47:28] Because that's a danger cats live with every day.

[47:33] Yeah, it's not funny, guys.

[47:35] We shouldn't laugh at it.

[47:35] No, it's not funny at all.

[47:37] The same way that,

[47:38] when you see a movie where the bad guy at the end

[47:40] is raped by a gorilla,

[47:41] that is not funny.

[47:43] Sorry, Trading Places,

[47:44] the punishment did not fit the crime.

[47:46] The crime being,

[47:51] some sort of Orange Futures fraud.

[47:53] Yeah, like, oh,

[47:54] the crime was,

[47:55] I tried to push Dan Aykroyd out of this company.

[47:59] Like, that didn't call for him to be

[48:01] violated by an animal?

[48:03] Come on.

[48:04] Come on.

[48:05] Come on.

[48:06] Yeah, while Al Franken watches.

[48:09] And Tom Davis, right?

[48:11] Was it both Franken and Davis?

[48:12] I don't remember.

[48:13] I think it's Frank, maybe I'm wrong.

[48:14] Maybe it's not Franken and Davis.

[48:15] And the whole Pepe Le Pew thing

[48:16] clearly inspired an entire generation of beta males

[48:20] to just follow women around

[48:22] until they eventually give in.

[48:24] Is that what a beta male is?

[48:26] I don't know.

[48:26] I mean, I've never heard that term before.

[48:28] Is that a real thing?

[48:29] Sort of straight line from Pepe Le Pew to Gamergate, guys.

[48:32] Yeah, I don't know that much about internet stuff.

[48:34] I feel like that could be your doctoral thesis

[48:36] from Pepe Le Pew to Gamergate.

[48:38] A half century of male misogyny.

[48:41] A half century of hostile privilege.

[48:44] So, a lot of this Tom the Cat

[48:48] trying to build a relationship.

[48:50] No, I just get it now.

[48:51] Oh, trying to build a relationship

[48:53] with his wife and daughter.

[48:56] We realize a symbolic thing is a video

[48:58] his daughter loves to watch

[49:00] of he and her dancing together when she was young

[49:02] to a song called Three Cool Cats.

[49:05] And he's like-

[49:06] Do kids like to watch that shit?

[49:08] Uh, I mean, kids like to watch videos.

[49:09] I guess is that the moment where you're like-

[49:10] Are kids nostalgic?

[49:11] I don't feel like kids are like,

[49:13] I mean, like nostalgia is like this desire

[49:15] for a simpler time earlier in their life.

[49:17] I guess so, but kids like to see videos

[49:19] and pictures of themselves when they were younger.

[49:21] All right.

[49:22] Even when they're like a,

[49:23] she was like a preteen, right?

[49:25] Like, was she old enough to be like-

[49:26] She was 11.

[49:27] Okay.

[49:28] She was a tween in the movie.

[49:28] She's tween.

[49:30] So she's probably not at the point where she's like,

[49:31] I hate myself and everything and my dad and this cat.

[49:34] No, but it was the one moment where I was like,

[49:36] oh, okay, she's dealing with,

[49:37] she's somehow trying to cope with the fact

[49:39] that he might be leaving her.

[49:40] And dying is that he's,

[49:42] she's watching these videos of happier times.

[49:43] I'm just trying to figure out

[49:44] why she's watching this stupid video.

[49:46] And Kevin Spacey, the cat is like,

[49:47] oh, you know what?

[49:48] I'll play with her and be a good cat.

[49:50] And he's become, he's like, you know what?

[49:53] I turn over a new leaf.

[49:54] I'm going to be a good cat.

[49:55] I'm nice to everybody.

[49:56] There's a weird scene where he's watching

[49:57] Jennifer Garner get undressed.

[50:00] at how beautiful she is, and she snuggles up with him.

[50:02] That's not that weird at all. I mean, I feel like if any of us were turned into...

[50:06] If you were turned into a cat, are you telling me that you would not stalk your wife around

[50:11] and watch her at her most intimate moments?

[50:14] I mean, now I like to watch her on TV.

[50:17] Come on, answer the question, sir.

[50:19] You're right. If I was a cat, I would become a voyeur.

[50:23] You would use your ability to go into the bathroom while your wife takes a poop.

[50:27] Okay.

[50:29] I need you to answer on this.

[50:33] Oh, yeah. That was the Comey letter of cat stories.

[50:38] Really swayed the boat on that one.

[50:43] Now I think Stuart's a monster.

[50:45] Now what I like is you mentioned it was one of my cat abilities to walk into a...

[50:50] So is that a superpower cats have?

[50:52] Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you hit the L bumper, you turn into a specter for a little while.

[50:57] You can't take damage.

[51:01] So he becomes a good cat.

[51:03] Unfortunately, he's running out of time both because his company is being taken away from his son

[51:07] and because his human body is dying.

[51:11] And so there's only one thing left to do because the opening...

[51:16] Dance. Oh, shit.

[51:18] I mean, it does.

[51:20] Because the opening of the building is coming soon

[51:24] and Ian, the evil vice president of the company, is stealing control.

[51:28] He's already fired Tom's son somehow, even though Tom has a document somewhere that he has to find.

[51:34] Yeah, Tom's son has a document showing that he has 51% of the company just like his dad did,

[51:39] that it passes to him.

[51:42] But somehow that doesn't matter.

[51:44] He has goons remove him from the building and he's fired.

[51:48] Meanwhile, the daughter takes the cat back to Mr. Perkins.

[51:53] She's like, I want to return this cat.

[51:55] And he goes, are you sure you want to?

[51:56] It's defective.

[51:57] This cat's defective.

[51:58] I want to return the unused portion for a partial refund.

[52:02] You just get store credit.

[52:04] And Christopher Walken says, let me put on a song.

[52:06] I'm going to walk out of the room.

[52:07] He puts on the Three Cool Cats record and she dances with the cat, mostly in slow-mo.

[52:12] And there's a lot of shots from her point of view looking down.

[52:15] So you have a CGI cat looking up at you kind of lovingly as it dances with you.

[52:21] And it's super creepy.

[52:22] Yeah, do you think the director went into the VFX booth and was like, no, no, no.

[52:27] I want it to look more excited to be dancing.

[52:31] Yeah.

[52:32] I want it to look like there's this – I want a weird, like, almost sexual tension

[52:38] between this cat and this small girl.

[52:40] Can I get that?

[52:41] Who is the cat's daughter?

[52:43] Yeah.

[52:44] Is that possible?

[52:45] It was very weird.

[52:46] Yeah, it's animal magnetism, dude.

[52:47] You can't control it.

[52:48] Literally.

[52:49] I know somebody who's worked retail for a long time.

[52:52] I wish I had seen this movie so that when people tried to fucking return shit, like

[52:58] when I was working at Radio Shack.

[52:59] You just put on a record, walk out of the room.

[53:01] Oh, my God.

[53:02] When I was working at Radio Shack, fucking people would bring back their shitty landline

[53:05] phones they bought.

[53:06] And I'm like, why did you buy this, dude?

[53:08] I know it's going to be garbage.

[53:10] You bought a landline phone at Radio Shack.

[53:13] That didn't sway them.

[53:14] If only I could have just popped a fucking little record on them.

[53:18] What were you thinking, dude?

[53:21] Can I return this?

[53:23] That was a stupid thing to buy, moron.

[53:25] Get out of here.

[53:26] If I could slap a little fucking seven inch on a turntable and just be like, I'll be back

[53:31] behind the beaded curtain at this Radio Shack.

[53:34] And then you'd dance along in your own Christopher Walken-y way.

[53:37] In the adult section of this Radio Shack.

[53:40] Because they sell, what, fleshlights?

[53:44] I mean, that is a market that would have saved their company.

[53:47] They sell transistors that look like boobs.

[53:55] So what I'm saying is, if I had learned that, I probably would have been more successful

[53:59] at my Radio Shack job.

[54:01] So she says, no, I don't want to return this cat.

[54:03] But they're running out of time.

[54:04] And at this point, she believes this cat is her dad.

[54:07] And she's got to get it back to her dad's body.

[54:09] So she's rushing to the hospital.

[54:11] Meanwhile, the dad's body is dying.

[54:12] And the building is being announced.

[54:14] And the son, he's going up to the building for what he says will be his first and last jump.

[54:19] And now the movie opened with Kevin Spacey jumping out of an airplane with a parachute.

[54:23] And he asked his son, want to do this?

[54:25] And the son's like, nah, I don't want to.

[54:27] I'm a little baby.

[54:28] I'm too scared.

[54:29] Oh, I can't do what George H.W. Bush does all the time.

[54:32] Jump out of airplanes.

[54:34] Oh, what is this?

[54:35] High-flying hair?

[54:37] Oh, no, high-flying hair wasn't, that wasn't a plane one, was it?

[54:40] I don't know, man.

[54:41] Was that the one where he jumps off of the, that's high-dive hair I'm thinking of.

[54:46] What's the one where he's in the plane and the gremlin attacks the plane?

[54:49] Oh, that's fucking Twilight Zone the movie, dude.

[54:52] No, it's also a Bugs Bunny cartoon.

[54:53] Is that a Bugs Bunny cartoon and not a private snafu?

[54:56] It's a Bugs Bunny cartoon.

[54:57] All right.

[54:59] And it ends with the plane is crashing for about, it's plummeting for about 45 seconds.

[55:04] And then it stops like a foot away from the ground.

[55:07] It's like, aw, add a gas.

[55:09] And he says, oh, these A cards, you know?

[55:11] And it's like, you're going to end this on a joke about wartime rationing?

[55:15] That's not going to last the test of time.

[55:17] Come on, Bob Clampett, whoever directed this.

[55:20] Anyway, who knows?

[55:23] They thought the low-low would last forever.

[55:24] Try to add the ghost of Bob Clampett.

[55:26] No, Boo Clampett, he's called.

[55:28] I brought this up when we were watching the movie, but what is this little girl's end game?

[55:35] Is she planning on –

[55:36] She's going to stuff that gas down Kevin Spacey's throat.

[55:38] She's going to reverse Buster Poindexter that cat outside the movie and maybe it will like start working the gears in there.

[55:48] No, and it turns out – so I thought she would have to combine the body with the cat too.

[55:53] Au contraire.

[55:54] That's not how it works.

[55:55] Or like if they touch themselves.

[55:57] If they touch themselves and they're like, get a load of this.

[56:00] Have you seen this?

[56:01] It's amazing.

[56:03] I can do it all the time whenever I want.

[56:06] Maybe if she like smashed the cat into Kevin Spacey's body, they'd like morph together like Ron Silver in Time Cop.

[56:13] When it turned into like a goop that disappears?

[56:16] I mean that's better than being in a coma, right?

[56:20] Anyway, but what happens is – so when Kevin Spacey's son didn't want to jump out of the plane with him,

[56:25] Kevin Spacey gave him a parachute with a note that said for when you feel like you're man enough or something.

[56:33] And so the son is going to the top of the building.

[56:36] It looks like he's going to jump to his death as a way of I guess getting out of his –

[56:40] That's what we assume because he's up there wearing a suit and no parachute.

[56:44] And that's the only way out of this predicament.

[56:45] He's shamed his family.

[56:46] He's lost everything.

[56:47] Yeah, he's failed his father who's in a coma.

[56:49] And now I guess at least his death will ruin the grand opening of this building.

[56:55] But the dad gets to the building on time in cat form and gets to the – he's almost tased by security guards,

[57:02] but that doesn't happen.

[57:03] He gets captured by the goons, but Christopher Walken manages to save him in a scene in which we expect Christopher Walken to shoot someone.

[57:12] But he manages to get to the roof, and he goes, no, son, don't jump.

[57:17] The son jumps wearing nothing but a suit.

[57:19] He's plummeting.

[57:22] Cut to he's got a parachute on his back all of a sudden.

[57:24] The cat jumps after him and tries to save him by grabbing onto a wire.

[57:28] The wire is not long enough.

[57:29] It snaps the cat back in a move that would have killed a cat.

[57:32] The cat's neck would have broken like Gwen Stacy falling off the George Washington Bridge when Spider-Man tries to save her.

[57:38] I know it's drawn to look like the Brooklyn Bridge, but in the dialogue they say George Washington Bridge.

[57:42] Yeah, it's worse than Curiosity in the –

[57:46] In the cat-killing business?

[57:48] Yeah.

[57:49] You're welcome, guys.

[57:51] And Curiosity Jones in the cat-killing business.

[57:53] I didn't thank you for that.

[57:54] And business is good.

[57:55] No, no, no, you're welcome, dudes.

[57:56] No, there was no thanks.

[57:58] No thanks proffered.

[57:59] But they are – they're plummeting, plummeting, plummeting.

[58:01] He opens the parachute.

[58:03] Yeah!

[58:04] And the cat is like, I guess you were man enough the whole time.

[58:07] The cat –

[58:08] Then he fucking Hans Gruber's his way down.

[58:10] Well, he parachutes down.

[58:11] The cat plummets to its death, and at that moment Kevin Spacey's soul jumps back into Kevin Spacey,

[58:18] which means that all Kevin Spacey had to do was die, and he would have jumped back into his body.

[58:23] It was a sacrifice death, though.

[58:26] Oh, yeah, you're right, actually.

[58:27] Chris Walken tells him that to show you care about your family, you have to sacrifice yourself.

[58:31] Now, had the cat not jumped off the roof, it would have changed nothing.

[58:35] He didn't really – I guess it was in the thought that that counselor was trying to save his son.

[58:41] Yeah.

[58:42] But his son would have –

[58:43] So are you arguing like a –

[58:44] It's a Raiders type thing.

[58:46] Yeah, Raiders and Lost Ark, so that if he was never turned into a cat, the same result would have happened.

[58:53] I'm not saying that.

[58:54] I'm saying if the cat didn't show up at the building and jump off the roof to try to save him, he would have been fine

[58:59] because he has a parachute that was invisible until it was needed for the plot.

[59:02] Yeah, it's not like he carried the parachute up on his little cat back or cat face.

[59:07] No, not on his cat face, which is what, North Face's pet line?

[59:11] Cat face?

[59:12] It's what happens when the hero from Trigon wants to be extra sassy.

[59:15] His face morphs into a little cat.

[59:17] That's Dick Tracy's new villain, Cat Face.

[59:20] No, no, no.

[59:21] It's just a girl on Halloween dressed up as a sexy cat.

[59:24] Cat Face, your crime is over.

[59:26] Bang, bang, bang.

[59:27] You stole all this candy.

[59:28] No, it was given to me at the Halloween party I went to.

[59:32] But yeah.

[59:33] And so he lands with the parachute.

[59:35] He reveals, hey, I have this paper that says that I control the company, and Ian, you're fired, and this building is great.

[59:42] Chicago may have beaten us with the tallest building, but this is the tallest building anyone has ever base jumped off of.

[59:48] And I guess the Guinness World Records guy is like, ha-ha, a fine point to make, lad.

[59:53] I'll put it in me book.

[59:55] Yeah.

[59:56] That's the Guinness World Records guy.

[59:57] Basically, he did the whole thing just so that he could get a hold of the microphone.

[1:00:00] phone and reveal that he has the deed to the building that shows that he gets the 51% of

[1:00:08] the company that his dad had.

[1:00:11] Everyone is okay, Kevin Spacey is alive again, but the bad guy, Ian, as he's walking away

[1:00:24] angry on his cell phone trying to get a new job, he's hit by a car, suddenly his soul

[1:00:30] ends up inside of a cat.

[1:00:31] Not just any cat, Stu, who is he?

[1:00:34] He is movie and internet celebrity, Little Bub.

[1:00:38] A cat I did not recognize, but Stuart was like, Little Bub, Little Bub, amazing!

[1:00:45] Yeah, he had his autograph book out, and we had to tell him, Stu, Stu, he's just on the

[1:00:50] television, you can't get his autograph.

[1:00:52] We're trying to force it into the speaker of Dan's soundbar, hoping that Little Bub...

[1:00:56] He's like, let me pet this kitty cat, oh, he feels like a TV screen, so smooth.

[1:01:00] Yep, I tried to break the screen to release Little Bub, because he was trapped in there.

[1:01:06] He's trapped in that glass box, what is he, Tilda Swinton?

[1:01:09] Get him out of there!

[1:01:12] And then they go to Mr. Perkins to get a new cat, and...

[1:01:18] They give him the same cat.

[1:01:20] And the cat came back the very next day.

[1:01:22] Yeah, just like the song.

[1:01:23] Just like the Canadian animation.

[1:01:25] I thought they were going to give the Little Bub cat to them.

[1:01:29] So he could, what, torture it?

[1:01:31] I guess.

[1:01:32] And then they make a joke like, first thing we're going to do is chop its dick off.

[1:01:37] And the cat would look at the camera and go, eh?

[1:01:39] Credits roll.

[1:01:40] But no, it ends on Kevin Spacey requesting a dog.

[1:01:45] We've got to get this cat fixed, and the cat just looks at the camera and goes, meow!

[1:01:49] And then it goes, meow!

[1:01:51] And then the sound of a katana being sharpened.

[1:01:55] That's the credits roll.

[1:01:57] Yeah.

[1:01:58] I would have loved it.

[1:02:00] Yeah.

[1:02:01] That's pretty much Nine Lives.

[1:02:03] That is Nine Lives.

[1:02:05] Were there any bloops in the credits?

[1:02:07] I didn't see any.

[1:02:08] We didn't wait for any bloops.

[1:02:09] No, I've got to say, I was disappointed at how little fun they had with cats doing stuff.

[1:02:15] It was pretty – nobody put a lot of effort into this movie, let's just say.

[1:02:19] Yeah, I think we're –

[1:02:20] It looks like it was shot for television except for those big zooming shots.

[1:02:24] Everyone's just kind of phoning it in.

[1:02:26] And I think it kind of highlights how, as computer special effects have become cheaper and easier to do,

[1:02:35] a little bit less thought goes into practical stuff, i.e. like,

[1:02:40] what can we get this cat to do that would actually be funnier or make for an interesting scene?

[1:02:46] Like, having limitations and having to work within a specific sandbox I think would have made this movie –

[1:02:51] Letterboxd.

[1:02:53] To play devil's catficate.

[1:02:55] Sure.

[1:02:56] I did feel better knowing that this was a fake cat and that a real cat had not been tortured into doing silly things on camera.

[1:03:04] And you don't like cats.

[1:03:05] I don't like cats, but I also don't like living things being put through pain.

[1:03:08] I think there's ways that you could have made a cat do funny things that didn't involve flipping it over and stuff.

[1:03:14] No, that's true.

[1:03:15] Flipping it over like a pancake.

[1:03:17] Like a tortoise.

[1:03:18] Yeah.

[1:03:19] I mean you shouldn't do that to tortoises either.

[1:03:21] No, I know.

[1:03:22] They don't like that.

[1:03:23] That's what's cruel about it.

[1:03:24] But like they – there was a lack of invention and a lack of imagination in this movie about – it felt very –

[1:03:32] this was your basic by-the-numbers busy businessman gets put in a cat's body while he's trying to build the tallest building in the northern hemisphere movie.

[1:03:40] We're there already, but I just want to make it official.

[1:03:43] Final judgments, whether this is a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, or a movie kind of like Elliot, what do you have to say?

[1:03:49] A bad bad movie is not good enough to be a good bad for me.

[1:03:51] If you want to see a good bad talking cat movie, you go see a talking cat.

[1:03:55] Yeah.

[1:03:56] Yeah, I was hoping to save this for recommendations, but yeah, just watch a talking cat.

[1:04:01] This is a bad bad movie.

[1:04:03] You guys are going to think I'm brain damaged.

[1:04:05] You kind of liked it?

[1:04:06] I kind of liked this movie.

[1:04:07] Hey, I kind of liked Independence Day Resurgent.

[1:04:09] I can show no superiority to anybody.

[1:04:12] I like cats, and I like big goofiness, and this movie had a lot of goofiness.

[1:04:18] This was one of the few movies – usually Dan is Mr. I don't care about the plot.

[1:04:22] Let me play Sonic the Hedgehog on my iPad, whatever.

[1:04:24] Where's my dinner?

[1:04:25] Let me deal with that for 35 minutes, but this was one of the few movies where we were talking,

[1:04:30] and Dan was like, wait, what's going on with the paperwork?

[1:04:33] Guys, we've got to figure out what's happening with the plot.

[1:04:36] He was much more invested in the plot and figuring it out than I expected he would be.

[1:04:41] I didn't want the building to be taken away from him.

[1:04:45] And it's got a great supporting cast in addition to this cat.

[1:04:48] You've got Christopher Walken, Robbie Amel, Cheryl Hines.

[1:04:52] Cheryl Catchup Hines.

[1:04:53] You've got Teddy Sears.

[1:04:55] Who's that?

[1:04:56] He was Jay Garrick from The Flash.

[1:04:59] He's like barely in the movie though.

[1:05:01] Yeah, but, I mean, just enough.

[1:05:02] You get a taste.

[1:05:03] Yeah, just a little.

[1:05:04] You just wet your beak a little bit.

[1:05:05] Yeah, it's like tossing a little bit of salt in that stew.

[1:05:09] Stew.

[1:05:10] But to say that there's a time maybe like 10 or 15 years ago when if you said Kevin Spacey and Christopher Walken are making a movie together,

[1:05:17] I'd be like this is going to be amazing.

[1:05:19] And now I just kind of take it –

[1:05:20] Jackie Chan and Jet Li are in a movie together.

[1:05:22] Yeah.

[1:05:23] Like this is going to be amazing.

[1:05:24] And then they're like, but the real star is this dopey white kid.

[1:05:27] And you're like, oh.

[1:05:28] Yeah, exactly.

[1:05:29] Jackie Chan, Honorary Academy Award winner, by the way.

[1:05:32] Is he?

[1:05:33] Yeah, so I hope Dan will from now on be able to remember whether he's seen him in a movie or not.

[1:05:38] Nope.

[1:05:39] Can't make any promises.

[1:05:40] Podcasts.

[1:05:46] Podcasts.

[1:05:47] Podcasts.

[1:05:49] They're audio programs that tell smart stories.

[1:05:51] In innovative ways using editing techniques like this.

[1:05:54] Like this.

[1:05:57] But let's face it, all that smart stuff can be exhausting.

[1:06:00] That's where Stop Podcasting Yourself comes in.

[1:06:03] It's so stupid.

[1:06:04] It's just two stupid dinguses.

[1:06:06] Being dumb idiot jerks for 90 minutes.

[1:06:09] Stop Podcasting Yourself.

[1:06:11] The stupid show that smart people love.

[1:06:14] Find it on iTunes.

[1:06:15] Or maximumfun.org.

[1:06:19] Are you in need of a shakeup?

[1:06:21] MaxFunCon is our annual comedy and creativity festival.

[1:06:24] And it changes lives.

[1:06:26] MaxFunCon West returns to Lake Arrowhead next June.

[1:06:29] And MaxFunCon East is back in the Poconos next September.

[1:06:33] Tickets for both are on sale right now.

[1:06:36] And they will sell out.

[1:06:37] Visit maxfuncon.com to buy your tickets today.

[1:06:40] We can't wait to see you there.

[1:06:43] Tonight the Flophouse is sponsored in part by ZipRecruiter.

[1:06:48] Are you hiring?

[1:06:49] Do you know where to post your job to find the best candidates?

[1:06:52] Because Dan's looking for work.

[1:06:54] Yeah.

[1:06:55] Please.

[1:06:56] With ZipRecruiter.com you can post your job to 100 plus job sites

[1:07:00] including social media networks like Facebook and Twitter.

[1:07:04] All with a single click.

[1:07:06] You don't need to do extra work.

[1:07:07] You can do it with one click.

[1:07:09] Find candidates in any city or industry nationwide.

[1:07:12] Just post once.

[1:07:14] And watch your qualified candidates roll into ZipRecruiter's easy-to-use interface.

[1:07:20] No e-mails or calls to your office.

[1:07:23] Screen candidates quickly, rate them, and hire the right person fast.

[1:07:28] Right now our listeners can post jobs on ZipRecruiter for free

[1:07:32] by going to ZipRecruiter.com slash first.

[1:07:36] What is that?

[1:07:37] ZipRecruiter.com slash first.

[1:07:40] As a small business owner, I can tell you it's tough trying to find good candidates

[1:07:45] and having something that does away with a lot of the technical bullshit

[1:07:51] and get you access to people that you can weed out through interviews and then train,

[1:07:58] that's what you want to spend your time doing.

[1:07:59] You don't want to spend your time trying to figure out websites, you know.

[1:08:03] Yeah.

[1:08:04] Who cares about websites, guys?

[1:08:06] So go to ZipRecruiter.com slash first.

[1:08:09] Yeah. It's simple.

[1:08:11] We also have another sponsor for tonight's show.

[1:08:15] A new one, or at least one that we haven't had in a long time.

[1:08:19] Yeah, what's their problem?

[1:08:20] The Flophouse is supported in part by Warby Parker.

[1:08:24] Oh, wow.

[1:08:25] A new concept in eyewear.

[1:08:27] Contemporary eyeglasses that are extremely affordable and fashion-forward.

[1:08:31] And you don't have to go anywhere. They come to you.

[1:08:33] Two-thirds of the Flophouse are nerds with glasses.

[1:08:36] You know it.

[1:08:37] I bet roughly two-thirds of our listener base are also glasses-wearing cool people.

[1:08:42] I'm going to up that number.

[1:08:44] I'm literally wearing Warby Parker glasses right now.

[1:08:50] No, no, using that word literally means not literally.

[1:08:52] Wait, what?

[1:08:53] That's what it means now. Now you say literally when it's not true.

[1:08:56] I love these glasses. I think that they're sharp.

[1:09:01] How do they deal comfort-wise? They feel good?

[1:09:04] Well, I've had them for years now, so they've molded to my face.

[1:09:08] Or your face is molded to them.

[1:09:10] And how do you see through them? Are the lenses good?

[1:09:12] Those are quality lenses.

[1:09:13] I see through them because the lenses are made of glass, which is a transparent medium.

[1:09:19] Now, Dan, let me introduce you to how advertising works.

[1:09:22] I'm asking you leading questions so you can tell me about the high quality of the lenses

[1:09:26] and comfort of your frames from Warby Parker, our sponsor.

[1:09:29] What I'm asking you is to tell me how good they are, not to give me smart-ass responses.

[1:09:34] I know how glasses work.

[1:09:37] I've been reading my Al Jaffe's Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions book.

[1:09:40] Al Jaffe's Bad Answers to Sponsor Questions.

[1:09:44] Wait, I'm looking now.

[1:09:46] It's very a dog-eared copy lying by Dan's bedside with multiple Post-its shoved into the pages.

[1:09:53] Notes written, remember this, good one.

[1:10:00] Now, prescription glasses start at $95.

[1:10:04] That's including lenses.

[1:10:05] That's ridiculously cheap.

[1:10:06] $95 for the whole thing, yeah.

[1:10:09] You are a price scout with glasses.

[1:10:10] If you have bad eyes, then you are punished by the world.

[1:10:13] Well, yeah, because you're weak and your genes should have been weeded out a long time ago,

[1:10:18] but also you can't see the bill.

[1:10:20] So they're like, just add a couple of extra zeros on there.

[1:10:23] It doesn't matter.

[1:10:24] They'll pay whatever because their stupid blind eyes can't handle it.

[1:10:27] You're normally paying like, I don't know, $300, $400 for glasses?

[1:10:31] Oh, sure.

[1:10:32] Yeah.

[1:10:33] Just per screw.

[1:10:34] Now, options include both glasses and sunglasses.

[1:10:38] You can get sunglasses, too, at Warby Parker.

[1:10:40] And with the Home Try-On program, you can order five pairs of glasses shipped directly

[1:10:45] to you for free, try all the frames on, get a feel for them, and get feedback from people.

[1:10:50] That sounds like a fun night.

[1:10:52] Yeah.

[1:10:53] You got them for five days.

[1:10:54] If you go into a bar, you just keep going in the bathroom and changing those glasses.

[1:10:58] You can make out with five different girls.

[1:11:00] And the bartender's like, sir, I'm going to need to see ID.

[1:11:03] Sir, I'm going to need to see ID.

[1:11:05] But I just showed you.

[1:11:06] The guy in this license isn't wearing glasses.

[1:11:08] When you're done, you can mail them back to Warby Parker in a prepaid package and just

[1:11:16] choose which glasses you like best and order those.

[1:11:21] Look, think about it.

[1:11:22] If this was the Middle Ages, your life would be over because you can't see.

[1:11:26] Best case scenario, you're going to be a monk putting your face up close to some parchment

[1:11:31] so you can just be copying some other monk's writing from 100 or 200 years ago.

[1:11:36] Thanks to Warby Parker, you don't have to live that life.

[1:11:38] You can wear glasses that allow you to see like a normie, and it doesn't cost you that

[1:11:43] much, and you don't even have to leave your house.

[1:11:44] Now, Dan, are those glasses the kind where if you walk outside and it's really sunny,

[1:11:48] they get tinted and turn into cool sunglasses?

[1:11:54] You can get transition lenses.

[1:11:56] Now, my glasses are transitioning, but in a different way.

[1:12:00] Oh, wow.

[1:12:02] They're turning into a monocle.

[1:12:03] Oh, wow.

[1:12:04] Yeah, that's a good joke.

[1:12:07] Now, there's a special offer for listeners to this podcast.

[1:12:10] If you go to warbyparker.com slash flop to order your free home try-ons, you can choose

[1:12:16] the five frames to try on, mail the frames back, choose your favorite pair to have your

[1:12:21] prescription added, and order, and it's completely risk-free with free shipping all around.

[1:12:26] If you visit warbyparker.com slash flop to be in your free home try-on experience today.

[1:12:35] That's warbyparker.com slash flop.

[1:12:39] Start seeing.

[1:12:41] Yeah, it's a beautiful world out there.

[1:12:44] Take a look around.

[1:12:44] It's a gorgeous world.

[1:12:45] Wee-oo, wee-oo, wee-oo.

[1:12:47] What's that?

[1:12:48] That's the alarm because we have a jumbotron tonight.

[1:12:52] Is that the sound of the alarm that we got?

[1:12:54] I'm trying something new.

[1:12:57] Tonight's jumbotron reads,

[1:13:00] Do you enjoy your schlock with notes of nostalgia and a dash of self-deprecation?

[1:13:07] It's That Awful Sound, the podcast about the music you liked before you knew any better.

[1:13:14] Every week, That Awful Sound revisits a song and video from a guest's past,

[1:13:20] mining it for cringeworthy moments and savoring the painful memories they generate.

[1:13:26] For example, episode 69.

[1:13:30] Nice.

[1:13:30] Come on, Stuart.

[1:13:31] Grow up.

[1:13:32] Come on.

[1:13:33] Okay, I can do this.

[1:13:34] You can do this.

[1:13:34] For example, episode 69.

[1:13:37] No, Stuart, you can do this.

[1:13:38] Come on.

[1:13:40] Episode 69.

[1:13:43] Okay, better.

[1:13:44] On Smash Mouth's riff-stealing Cool Dad anthem, Then the Morning Comes,

[1:13:52] a video that features singer Steve Harwell getting pissed on by a dog for ten full seconds.

[1:14:00] So guys, from Crazy Town to Creed, Aaron Carter to Aerosmith, Jillian Anderson to Journey,

[1:14:08] get episodes of That Awful Sound on podcast apps and thatawfulsound.com.

[1:14:14] Did Jillian Anderson put out an album?

[1:14:16] I didn't know.

[1:14:17] Did she sing?

[1:14:18] You're going to have to go to thatawfulsound.com and do some deep mining.

[1:14:22] Sounds like a real House of Mirth starring Jillian Anderson.

[1:14:26] Or an X-File.

[1:14:30] Sure.

[1:14:31] You're watching.

[1:14:31] Or The Fall.

[1:14:33] Hannibal.

[1:14:35] Hannibal.

[1:14:37] That's right.

[1:14:39] Trigger something.

[1:14:41] Trigger something.

[1:14:42] That famous Jillian Anderson short film.

[1:14:48] So I don't know whether it's sold out by the time this is going to come out,

[1:14:53] because this is going to come out after Thanksgiving.

[1:14:56] A.T.

[1:14:57] I just want to mention that we have a live show.

[1:15:00] Live show alert.

[1:15:01] What?

[1:15:03] And that's what a siren sounds like.

[1:15:06] Maybe in Europe.

[1:15:09] No, in Europe, it's like.

[1:15:13] What's this, a Luc Besson movie?

[1:15:15] Is Jean Reno going to try and steal me away in a baguette cart?

[1:15:19] The official sound of Luc Besson movies is that weird European police siren.

[1:15:25] That's just Luc Besson's ringtone.

[1:15:29] He's like, oh, somebody's been taken.

[1:15:32] On January the 21st, we have a.

[1:15:36] 2017.

[1:15:37] We're doing a live show at the Bell House in beautiful Gowanus, Brooklyn.

[1:15:41] It's a great venue.

[1:15:42] We've had a lot of good times there.

[1:15:44] We'll probably announce the movie we're watching.

[1:15:46] Sometime.

[1:15:47] Yeah.

[1:15:47] Dan, what movie are we watching?

[1:15:49] We don't know.

[1:15:49] Now, this is a live episode recording.

[1:15:52] Yes, this is a live episode recording.

[1:15:54] It's doors open at 7.

[1:15:56] Show is at 7.30.

[1:15:58] Will probably last about an hour and a half, I would guess.

[1:16:01] Before we die.

[1:16:03] And then we'll bundle into a giant clown car and head to Hinterlands to get twisted with Stewart.

[1:16:10] So it should be a lot of fun.

[1:16:11] If you haven't been to a Flophouse live show, they're a lot of fun.

[1:16:15] Buy your tickets now if they're available and you want to go because they do not usually last very long.

[1:16:22] We have had a number of sold out shows at that venue and we want you to be able to go see it.

[1:16:28] Come on.

[1:16:29] If you don't get into it, though, we do.

[1:16:32] That they might arrive, but they just don't get into it as isn't for me.

[1:16:36] We have plans over talking.

[1:16:39] We have plans for another live show that same month, but we can't reveal it just yet.

[1:16:44] But tickets are not yet available.

[1:16:46] Tickets are not yet available.

[1:16:47] At a different venue, but an exciting one in a different type of show.

[1:16:49] So we'll just tease that.

[1:16:51] So don't feel too bad.

[1:16:52] Maybe if you can't.

[1:16:53] Yeah.

[1:16:54] Have you ever seen Thunder from Down Under?

[1:16:57] It's going to be a lot like that.

[1:17:00] The Flophouse has finally thrown away the whole illusion of the movie stuff and getting

[1:17:05] down to what we are, which is male stripping.

[1:17:08] Beefcakes from Brooklyn, we call it.

[1:17:12] We call it artisanal pecs.

[1:17:14] One last announcement before we move on.

[1:17:17] And this is a semi-political announcement.

[1:17:20] So if that's something that bothers you.

[1:17:23] Ride that 15 second jump forward.

[1:17:25] Just ride that button until it's time for the letter song.

[1:17:28] Just hit that button to hear me sing and then you're going to know you're safe from politics.

[1:17:33] But post-election, the Flophouse Facebook group was casting about for something they can do.

[1:17:42] And last year, we had a charity drive to help with suicide prevention.

[1:17:49] And this year, the Facebook page, the Facebook page did.

[1:17:52] Yeah, this is all fan organized with the support of us, the Flophouse.

[1:17:59] Yeah, but we should not take the credit.

[1:18:00] We do not take credit.

[1:18:01] The fans are doing this and organized it and are seeing it through.

[1:18:05] But they voted on what charity they might want to contribute to.

[1:18:13] And they came up with Planned Parenthood.

[1:18:15] And so if you want to contribute to the Flophouse Planned Parenthood drive,

[1:18:21] you can do it through the Flophouse Facebook page or there's a link.

[1:18:26] I will put it up on the site.

[1:18:29] And, you know, do a little something this holiday season maybe to help others in some way.

[1:18:38] But that's all I wanted to say about that.

[1:18:44] And now we're moving on to letters from listeners.

[1:18:48] Your second favorite part of the show.

[1:18:52] And now it's time for your favorite part of the show, the song.

[1:18:57] Everybody's always asking, where's that song?

[1:19:01] Everybody's always thinking just how long will the song be this time?

[1:19:07] Is it wrong that I love that song?

[1:19:10] No, it's not.

[1:19:11] It's right tonight.

[1:19:13] All right.

[1:19:14] The song is here for you tonight.

[1:19:18] Out of spite.

[1:19:21] Keeping it long.

[1:19:23] Keeping it real.

[1:19:24] Keeping it great for a guy named Neil.

[1:19:27] But even if you have a different name, the song can still be for you.

[1:19:33] Maybe you're Lou.

[1:19:34] Maybe you're Stu.

[1:19:36] Maybe you're Rue in the Hundred Acre Wood.

[1:19:38] And you just want a song for you.

[1:19:41] If I didn't mention your name, that's okay.

[1:19:44] I'm glad you came for this.

[1:19:45] The song about names.

[1:19:47] Send me a dollar in the mail and I'll put your name in the song next time.

[1:19:53] Dan, that's okay, right?

[1:19:55] Right.

[1:19:56] Okay.

[1:19:57] Probably shouldn't be.

[1:19:59] But it.

[1:20:00] is so here are some more names for you more rhymes with Thor which rhymes with

[1:20:06] floor which rhymes with what's another name that runs with or gore gore and or

[1:20:13] Bobby or hockey superstar not to mention or the character from catch-22 from me

[1:20:21] and you this is the song thank you so cleaned out a lot of emails before we

[1:20:31] get on to letters proper we have a few gifts in the flop house mailbag I guess

[1:20:35] like this letters proper like hammer would say it I just want to thank people

[1:20:41] for a couple of things this I believe is from Timothy Stoltz Eric's brother if I'm

[1:20:48] reading this correctly it's from Timothy Stoltz maybe that's just someone who is

[1:20:54] involved with the DVD but uh the note says I haven't seen it so I don't know

[1:21:01] how Dan is able to misunderstand the information available it's hard to I'll

[1:21:05] give you this you take a look at it okay who's making some good podcast this is a

[1:21:11] no Timothy Stoltz I think is just someone involved with it okay so someone

[1:21:16] be wrong I could be wrong maybe it's from them someone sent a DVD called max

[1:21:20] magician and the legend of the rings which says legends the message says you

[1:21:27] like rings the message says I thought you floppers could use a little fun so

[1:21:34] I'm sending you guys the worst movie I've ever seen tip take a shot every

[1:21:38] time the villain growls sighs makes that noise you'll know the one thanks for

[1:21:42] making a shitty year less shitty so thank you for this bad movie that's been

[1:21:48] sent to us talk about this movie for a second first off there's a dude with a

[1:21:52] fucking Morningstar on the cover that's sick nice not gonna talk about the size

[1:21:58] of the fake of the nose prosthetics on some of these guys that's a little weird

[1:22:03] but then at the bottom it says three and a half stars a fantasy epic in the

[1:22:08] tradition of Harry Potter and the Lord of the Rings so the thing that's

[1:22:13] concerning about that is does that mean this movie was made after those things

[1:22:18] because this seems like it should have been made way longer before it well also

[1:22:24] those are two very different type of fantasy stories what are you talking

[1:22:28] about one of them is a YA novel the other is Harry Potter JK JK I love Lord

[1:22:35] of the Rings and speaking I want to say perfect the sister of JK Simmons I want

[1:22:42] to say a thank you to listener Bill O'Donnell who sent my bar hinterlands a

[1:22:48] lovely 50th anniversary edition of the Lord of the Rings it will be enshrined

[1:22:56] in the on a place of honor for the most drunken patrons to paw through and quote

[1:23:03] and sing the songs of so thanks Bill and there's one more gift quickly from

[1:23:10] Erica who writes my dearest peaches I was gonna save this gift for cage miss

[1:23:14] both in order to be seasonally appropriate and to give myself more time

[1:23:17] to craft a witty missive worthy of the Flophouse mailbag instead I am sending

[1:23:22] it in the dark raggedy second week of November because one of the only ways I

[1:23:26] know to ease the kind of hurt and fear I'm currently experiencing is to put

[1:23:30] something nice into the world and tell people who are important to me how much

[1:23:33] I appreciate them you three are warm fuzzy blanket of intelligent silliness

[1:23:37] that is comforting to the point of medicinal and you cannot hear often

[1:23:42] enough how much you genuinely help people yours an uncharacteristic

[1:23:46] earnestness Erica so we have some wraps thank you very much Erica

[1:23:50] things here I haven't opened them who knows what they are and never learns

[1:23:56] lesson guys while you're opening I want to talk about max magician the legend

[1:24:04] of the rings again so the bag of the first line of the description is max

[1:24:07] magician in the legend of the rings is a magical tale about a young about young

[1:24:11] max no shit a shy bullied boy just listening just reading that makes me

[1:24:18] want to bully this kid and now we've unwrapped the presents and they are

[1:24:24] beautiful candles yeah this one so just as Mary Cage miss this one and mine is a

[1:24:30] tap well cider candle oh that's a deep cut this one's a Teddy Graham candle and

[1:24:37] it smells like cookies that's a deep cut also and what does yours say Stewart

[1:24:41] mine says original peaches and smells unsurprisingly like peach nice thank you

[1:24:47] very much Erica yeah this is lovely this will help kind of the the scent

[1:24:53] orchestration of my apartment mm-hmm which it needs yeah that was the thing

[1:24:58] when you came to visit you were like I'm not getting a full smell story as I

[1:25:03] walk through your apartment my I'm getting a narrative through every sense

[1:25:06] except one and that's really bothering me this is going to really up my sensual

[1:25:11] bath game mm-hmm I'm surprised any of the only candles in my apartment as I'm

[1:25:20] a bachelor I have been given to me by women in my life who are like that the

[1:25:27] way they say goodbye no I leave a lit candle in the bed next to you yeah yeah

[1:25:32] these are not lovers these are just women who are like you're a person who

[1:25:39] probably has a smelly apartment here's a candle I leave a fucking hand of glory

[1:25:44] it was a hanged man's hand mm-hmm but thank you very much the only women who

[1:25:54] give me candles usually are around Hanukkah time when the Orthodox are out

[1:25:57] making sure I'm praying enough and they hand out free menorahs and candles when

[1:26:05] you're walking around Brooklyn and the guys stop you in there like excuse me

[1:26:09] are you Jewish do you say yes or do you just keep going

[1:26:12] here's the thing years ago when I was a college student I would say no because I

[1:26:16] didn't want to talk to them and I would feel really guilty about it because I

[1:26:19] was denying my faith and now I find I say yes I want to be honest to them and

[1:26:25] to God but and they say oh well dada and I say yes but I'm not interested like

[1:26:29] yes but no thank you because I'm very comfortable for the most part with my

[1:26:34] relationship with my faith and I kind of don't need them to be involved and so

[1:26:39] I have reached a point where I want to be honest with them because I don't want

[1:26:41] to lie to myself but at the same time I am very honest I'm about like you and I

[1:26:46] are not the same let's not we don't believe the same things even though we

[1:26:50] the things we believe are closer than say what I and Christians believe but I

[1:26:55] don't it's like the way they are the way a lot of them view the world if the

[1:26:59] Messiah means everyone's gonna be like that maybe I don't want the Messiah to

[1:27:02] come maybe I like this flawed world more every time they stop and ask me because

[1:27:06] that's why I asked you in the first place no because they're just because

[1:27:10] they are just nondescript if they're like you never knows everyone could be

[1:27:13] Jewish well the good they stop it has me and I don't know I could probably pass

[1:27:17] no no you don't look very Jewish like a Seth Rogen II type character but they

[1:27:22] think you're Seth Rogen that's why they yeah and every time either Seth Rogen or

[1:27:26] Josh Brolin I always say no but in my head I'm always like but my wife is

[1:27:31] should I say that I'm like no Stewart don't say that I don't give a shit

[1:27:36] you want to make them feel better about it say that they'll be like go tell to

[1:27:40] the Marines it'll be like but now on to the letters proper really cool so this

[1:27:55] is from someone whose name I misplaced I apologize listeners do not take this as

[1:28:03] how Dan values you he is just a forgetful guy who's got a lot on his

[1:28:08] mind and look let's just let's just be fair he's not he's not in right his

[1:28:14] right mind right now and so he loses things he forgets stuff but he cares

[1:28:18] about you yeah but thank you I remember it was a lady that removes somehow makes

[1:28:25] errors 49% of the population okay great and I mean we don't have huge

[1:28:31] listenership in China so that's a billion people right there we don't have

[1:28:34] to worry about forgetting to give credit to we're gonna narrow this thing down

[1:28:39] put on some coffee we're gonna figure it out

[1:28:43] dear floppers my local department store has a claw machine full of stuffed

[1:28:48] short sorry I'm gonna start over a claw machine my local department store has a

[1:28:53] claw machine full of stuffed toys for children I noticed last week that one of

[1:28:59] these was indeed a stuffed horse head embroidered the Godfather and had a

[1:29:04] strip of red cloth in the bottom to simulate blood that's pretty great so

[1:29:08] much goddamn money trying to dig that thing out yeah my husband and I have

[1:29:13] spent an unhealthy amount of time trying to figure out the long series of

[1:29:17] decisions that led to this decapitated head being put into a children's game

[1:29:21] I'll tell you what happened one of the stuffed animals in there wasn't doing

[1:29:24] what Vito Corleone wanted him to do so they cut the head off his stuffed horse

[1:29:27] and they stuffed it in the claw machine with him what would you put into a claw

[1:29:31] machine if you could add anything and again that's from I misplaced her name

[1:29:36] Lyseld. Now clearly we want something that's gonna have an

[1:29:41] appeal to kids. Now does it have to be movie related or not? I mean if it could

[1:29:45] be anything of course it's just gonna be a fucking foil wrapped baked potato

[1:30:00] That's the top of everybody's list.

[1:30:03] Yeah, you're stuffing a bug in a machine, that's like the best possible situation.

[1:30:07] So since that's a given, that we would all put a foil-wrapped fake potato in there, let's go to number two on our list.

[1:30:12] It lies at the perfect nexus between delicious and sort of healthy.

[1:30:17] And graspable with a claw.

[1:30:19] Yeah.

[1:30:20] Look, stuff that thing full of cheese and like, and scallions, and you've got lunch in Scotland.

[1:30:26] Yeah, yeah.

[1:30:27] I mean, I carry cheese and scallions with me anywhere I go.

[1:30:30] What about one of the Oogie Loves?

[1:30:32] Can we put one of them in there?

[1:30:34] Like a Toofie?

[1:30:35] Like the full, like a living person?

[1:30:37] Oh yeah, a full Toofie.

[1:30:39] I don't know.

[1:30:41] I guess, I don't think the claw's going to be able to haul them out of there.

[1:30:43] Well, here's the thing.

[1:30:44] The claw machine, you can never get whatever you want.

[1:30:47] So I don't know if you want to have...

[1:30:48] You can't always get what you want.

[1:30:49] But sometimes...

[1:30:50] Yeah.

[1:30:51] You waste a lot of money trying to grab it.

[1:30:54] So do you want to put something really good in there, like an Academy Awards, that people waste their time trying to grab it?

[1:30:59] Or to make people feel better about not being able to get anything with the claw machine, do you make it like a bag of poop?

[1:31:06] Because like, oh, I didn't get the bag of poop prize, even though I put in a couple quarters.

[1:31:10] Right.

[1:31:11] But I didn't really want it.

[1:31:12] I don't even know why I put the quarters in to try to get it.

[1:31:14] And the thing about a bag of poop is that bag, like it's a plastic bag and it, like you could say that...

[1:31:18] I was not imagining a plastic bag.

[1:31:20] I was imagining a paper lunch sack.

[1:31:21] Yeah, because you can set those on fire more easily.

[1:31:23] Exactly.

[1:31:24] That's going to be really hard to grab with a little claw.

[1:31:27] But you don't even want it, so it's okay.

[1:31:29] Oh, so it's like, it's just a spoiler in there?

[1:31:31] No, it's like, since you're not going to get a prize anyway, why put something good in there?

[1:31:36] Make people feel better and be like, well, I didn't get anything, but I didn't want it.

[1:31:39] Yeah, you're sort of competing as a metaphor.

[1:31:42] You're like...

[1:31:43] Yeah.

[1:31:44] It's not about you.

[1:31:45] It's not you versus the claw machine, because you're always going to lose.

[1:31:47] It's you versus yourself.

[1:31:49] Yeah.

[1:31:50] Yeah, I mean, when I think of a claw machine, I think of, like, the stuff you'd want to get at, like, the Midway.

[1:31:57] If you're, like, walking along the boardwalk, eating one of them deep fried Oreos.

[1:32:01] I mean, the boardwalk at the Midway, I think, would be too different.

[1:32:04] Same thing.

[1:32:05] And so I'm pumping a couple bucks on a claw machine.

[1:32:07] I'm going to want something that's going to fit my sense of style.

[1:32:10] So I'm going to want to get, like, a really badass Betty Boop or, like, a little Scarface.

[1:32:15] Or, like, a big novelty comb.

[1:32:17] Yeah, like, I want a Scarface that's just Al Pacino's face and it has Tony Montana, like, written in script along the cheek.

[1:32:25] No, I want, like, a Tony Montana, Tony Manero mashup where he's Scarface, but he's wearing the Saturday Night Fever suit.

[1:32:33] And he's dancing, but he's still got the gun in his hand.

[1:32:35] Well, I love mashups.

[1:32:37] And he's saying, wait, what does he say?

[1:32:40] Say hello to my little friend?

[1:32:41] Yeah.

[1:32:42] But mash that up with a Saturday Night Fever.

[1:32:45] Why is he touching my hair or something like that?

[1:32:48] This next letter goes like this.

[1:32:51] There's a wonderful BBC radio comedy series called Cabin Pressure about a single-plane airline.

[1:32:57] It has Benedict Cumberbatch and Roger Allum as pilots who play word games nearly every episode.

[1:33:04] This is the most British-sounding show.

[1:33:09] During a re-listen.

[1:33:10] Also, they solve tea-related murders.

[1:33:17] They get into arguments about politeness.

[1:33:20] They bake cakes for the Queen Mother.

[1:33:24] During a re-listen.

[1:33:25] Didn't she pass away a while ago?

[1:33:27] I don't know.

[1:33:28] The Queen Mother?

[1:33:29] They reminded me a lot of your trio.

[1:33:31] Looking it up.

[1:33:32] One of my favorites is a word game, People Who Aren't Evil But Have Evil-Sounding Names.

[1:33:37] They come up with Russell Crowe, Agatha Christie, and Calista Flockhart.

[1:33:42] But I was wondering what you think is the most evil-sounding name of any person.

[1:33:46] Cole Hauser.

[1:33:47] No, come on.

[1:33:49] He seems like a hero guy.

[1:33:51] A rough and tough hero.

[1:33:53] No, Cole Hauser is a bad, bad dude in the name.

[1:33:56] In real life, a hero.

[1:33:57] It's super easy.

[1:33:58] I got you both fucking wrong.

[1:33:59] Hold on.

[1:34:00] I got one more sentence to this.

[1:34:01] Okay.

[1:34:02] The last sentence is, you can't say Cole Hauser.

[1:34:06] I think Elliot actually has a strong contender for a villain name.

[1:34:10] Love the podcast.

[1:34:11] All the best.

[1:34:12] First initial held RG.

[1:34:13] Elliot Kaelin?

[1:34:14] I could see that as a villain name.

[1:34:16] Hands down, Max von Sydow.

[1:34:17] There you go.

[1:34:18] You got it.

[1:34:19] It's even better.

[1:34:20] What about Killian Murphy?

[1:34:22] It's got kill in it.

[1:34:24] That's pretty good.

[1:34:26] Pretty good.

[1:34:27] Max von Sydow is pretty hard to beat.

[1:34:29] Oh, what about Adolf Hitler?

[1:34:33] But I guess the game is not actually a villain, right?

[1:34:36] Because he was evil.

[1:34:37] Because that's an evil sounding name.

[1:34:39] Yeah.

[1:34:40] What about...

[1:34:41] Oh, it's so hard to beat Max von Sydow.

[1:34:43] Yeah.

[1:34:44] No, right.

[1:34:45] I mean, this is not to get political, but Newt Gingrich does sound like a villain in a fantasy novel.

[1:34:49] That's fair.

[1:34:50] Yeah.

[1:34:51] Um, I'm trying to think.

[1:34:54] I was going to say Tilda Swinton, but she just sounds like an elf.

[1:34:56] Yeah.

[1:34:57] Tilda Swinton sounds like a woman who solves tea-related murders.

[1:35:01] F. Murray Abraham sounds like a hero.

[1:35:05] If he was Murray F. Abraham, that's a presidential assassin name.

[1:35:09] I have a funny story about F. Murray Abraham, one of my regulars.

[1:35:13] Someone I've seen on stage in a play.

[1:35:15] Anyway, continue.

[1:35:16] One of my regulars is like the set manager or some shit for whatever TV show he's on now.

[1:35:26] And he and a couple of other crew guys were hanging out in this office where they were shooting.

[1:35:31] And F. Murray Abraham walked into the room, clearly trying to go somewhere else.

[1:35:36] And he was looking for the bathroom.

[1:35:39] And they're like, oh, no, it's down the hall.

[1:35:41] And then before he left, he's like, well, at some point, we should all go out for a drink because I have a lot of money.

[1:35:51] Which is great and fulfills my need for believing that F. Murray Abraham is an awesome dude.

[1:36:00] Well, we're not going to get any better than that.

[1:36:02] No.

[1:36:03] Frank Zappa?

[1:36:04] Sure.

[1:36:05] Yep.

[1:36:06] He's some kind of electricity-based villain.

[1:36:08] Exactly.

[1:36:09] Some kind of hot dog and electricity-based villain.

[1:36:13] Yeah.

[1:36:14] He's the electro gremlin from Gremlins 2.

[1:36:17] Oh, he wishes.

[1:36:19] That's more of an agent of chaos than an actual villain.

[1:36:22] Yes.

[1:36:23] He's barely even conscious of what he's doing.

[1:36:25] He's just causing trouble in a bubble.

[1:36:27] Trouble in a bubble.

[1:36:29] He's just a dog chasing cars.

[1:36:31] Electro's real name was Max Dillons.

[1:36:33] That's pretty close to Max von Sydow.

[1:36:37] This next letter.

[1:36:38] Now, Scorpion's real name is Mac Gargan.

[1:36:41] That's a normal person's name.

[1:36:44] Did we talk about whether or not Scorpion's tail is attached to him or not?

[1:36:48] We did in a previous episode.

[1:36:49] Okay.

[1:36:50] Last episode, yeah.

[1:36:51] Okay.

[1:36:52] Hey, floppers.

[1:36:53] Hey, what's up?

[1:36:54] That's us.

[1:36:55] This is from Wade.

[1:36:56] Last name withheld.

[1:36:57] Wilson.

[1:36:58] Deadpool.

[1:36:59] Hey, floppers.

[1:37:00] Garrett from Roadhouse.

[1:37:02] Or is it Wade the Duck from U.S. Acres?

[1:37:04] We hate your cartoon.

[1:37:06] Don't write in.

[1:37:08] I've been re-listening to your back catalog,

[1:37:11] and it seems like the vast majority of the films you've watched ended up being bad, bad movies.

[1:37:16] Do you think any of these bad, bads have any inherent value?

[1:37:19] Which of the bad, bad movies you've seen would be the best candidate for a reboot with a new director and writer at the helm?

[1:37:26] Would Spielberg be able to turn Sucker Punch into a watchable movie?

[1:37:30] Could Hitchcock cobble together something decent out of Paranoia?

[1:37:33] What would Paul Schrader do if he put the treatment of abduction in front of him?

[1:37:38] Love the podcast, and please never end it.

[1:37:40] Wade, last name withheld.

[1:37:41] Thanks, Wade.

[1:37:42] Thanks for listening.

[1:37:43] And thanks, Wade, for reminding us that we've spent the last nine years watching bad, bad movies.

[1:37:48] Wasting our time.

[1:37:52] So, Dan, it looks like you got an answer on the tip of your tongue.

[1:37:56] No, I hate—here's the thing.

[1:37:58] I hate any question that requires me to remember the movies that we've watched for this podcast.

[1:38:04] It's hard to remember.

[1:38:06] Dan, it's a little uncomfortable trying to play, like, backseat driver, imagining what one director would do with another person's movie.

[1:38:13] Yeah, I would say that, like, there are a couple movies, like, Next.

[1:38:21] Or, like, I don't remember what we said about Victor Frankenstein, but there are movies where, like—

[1:38:25] I mean, there it's just the Frankenstein story, but, like, where you could take the same very—like, the concept and do something with it.

[1:38:32] I can't remember if we called Gods of Egypt a bad, bad movie, but, like, that's a concept that could have been really fun, you know, if it was handled a little differently.

[1:38:41] Yeah, but which director and whose specific vision would have made Gods of Egypt more interesting than the one we saw?

[1:38:48] Than that one?

[1:38:50] That's hard to know.

[1:38:51] Because you can't say your boy Tarsem because we saw what he did with Immortals.

[1:38:55] And it was not very good.

[1:38:56] Not very good.

[1:38:57] Very similar and not very good.

[1:38:59] As much as I love Tarsem's The Fall, yeah, but maybe someone like—you know what I'm going to say for Gods of Egypt?

[1:39:07] And this is going to sound crazy.

[1:39:09] Okay.

[1:39:10] Howard Hawks.

[1:39:11] Wow.

[1:39:12] Because that movie had plenty of crazy concepts.

[1:39:15] Visually, it was goofy in a stunning way at times.

[1:39:20] was it didn't have charismatic characters.

[1:39:23] I was going to say actors.

[1:39:24] Charismatic characters or good, solid action banter between the two of them, and that's right in Howard Hawks' wheelhouse is charismatic characters who banter in a funny way but that also shows an appreciation of the stakes of the situation.

[1:39:39] If you could apply that to the goofy craziness of Gods of Egypt, I think you'd have something there.

[1:39:45] You'd have maybe even like a Star Wars type of movie.

[1:39:48] Whoa.

[1:39:49] Now, I think the obvious answer here would be a remake of Food Fight from our boys at Pixar because they know how that turns out.

[1:40:00] Brands into lovable characters. Well, that's a good bad movie though. That's uh, I mean I can easily say that

[1:40:08] Throw David Lynch at fateful findings and call it a day

[1:40:14] Feel like you almost don't want to touch fateful findings because any like minor tweak

[1:40:19] Even like the slightest bit like if they released like a director's cut of fateful findings

[1:40:24] It would just not be quite the same beautiful mess

[1:40:27] Yeah, no fatal findings is a masterpiece of

[1:40:30] Crap, I mean there's stupid movies like

[1:40:33] Olympus has fallen or something like that that I feel like if you threw like a better

[1:40:37] Action director at it like John McTiernan or something like that

[1:40:40] It would be a director of rollerball the remake

[1:40:46] Everybody's got duds in their filmography not Stuart Gordon

[1:40:49] There's I mean, there's no one not so Gordon sure

[1:40:52] He does the only the only direct me one

[1:40:54] Give me a single dud and Stuart Gordon's filmography. And if you say robot jocks, I'm putting the podcast

[1:40:59] All right. Well, then I guess there's nothing

[1:41:02] I'm the I mean, I don't love

[1:41:06] Truly these robots were the job

[1:41:09] We don't we can't live we're robot. Yeah. Yeah, super poignant. Yeah

[1:41:14] It's a tale of you the US and Russia finally overcoming their differences by beating each other. I mean robots. Yeah

[1:41:21] No, what a good movie, yeah, all right, I mean the only the

[1:41:27] Yeah, the only director who I think has no duds in his filmography is Gene Vigo

[1:41:31] Because he made like one movie and a short and then he died

[1:41:36] And that's your advice to young filmmakers. Oh make one great movie and then die for sure

[1:41:41] That'll I mean it you can have a sterling reputation

[1:41:44] I would say I don't have a I don't have a particularly good answer for this question

[1:41:48] But I would say any of the horror movies get Stuart Gordon to do it or any of the dramas

[1:41:54] Get Stuart Gordon to do it. This is our Stuart Gordon at that

[1:41:57] Yeah, yeah do odd life of Timothy Green directed by Stuart Gordon. That'll be horrifying

[1:42:01] We'll watch that boy's body knit together in that box of the fucking components. They throw they assemble

[1:42:07] It'll be goopy somehow even though it's made out of it's gonna be so like

[1:42:11] It's it's the kind of goop that David Cronenberg has nightmares about I mean in a way the odd life of Timothy Green was already

[1:42:18] Made by Jan's Fankmeyer with his movie little Oh tick

[1:42:21] Which is about a boy who's who's grown out of a root and is and heart and terrifies people

[1:42:26] So that's just watch those two movies. They're gonna make a boy out of pencils. We can make a pencil out of boys

[1:42:39] Last letter of the evening

[1:42:42] This is from

[1:42:43] It says regards from the ships at sea name withheld. I

[1:42:47] Was just listening to the max fun show the greatest generation

[1:42:50] I'm thinking what a natural fit it would be for the next switcheroo then Adam

[1:42:55] Pernodka that you listen to the show. We know our friend Ben Harrison is on it, but I don't remember

[1:43:03] How to pronounce it. Okay, I'm gonna say Adam Pernodka. Really? He's super funny

[1:43:08] Ruined it by revealing that he thought Dan's Halloween Sherlock costume was a Brent Spiner paying data pretending to be Sherlock

[1:43:15] That's a much better costume

[1:43:18] Dead actually pretty accurate. Yeah

[1:43:21] Dead to me. That's how much of a damn partisan I am

[1:43:23] Anyway, not to tip your hands too far

[1:43:25] But what shows would you like to do the next crossover with the adventure zone is a classic which I hope continues in its own

[1:43:32] Right, but I'd also like to hear Stu finally resolve some of his teen problems with still buffering or Elliot pretending to be Canadian for

[1:43:40] Stop podcasting yourself. What say the floppers?

[1:43:43] I mean, I do like having a chance to just talk to some fucking teens, you know

[1:43:51] I mean, you're legally not allowed to do that anymore. Yeah, I guess you're right. So I'd have to pick something different

[1:43:56] I mean, I'll pray I'll prelude this by or preface it by saying

[1:44:00] That I don't think there's gonna be another switcheroo because it was largely unsuccessful

[1:44:05] I think that it was very it was like an idea that a peek behind the curtain

[1:44:12] Yeah, it was an idea that like people had a lot of enthusiasm

[1:44:16] Enthusiasm before before I had an enthusiasm. That's when you have so much enthusiasm that you just are overwhelmed with like, yeah

[1:44:27] It's like if I do this thing enough something comes out of me and I feel amazing and I feel kind of tired and then

[1:44:33] I feel really guilty

[1:44:35] So mom dad, what is this? What do we do this wherever you go though? It's like on you all the time

[1:44:41] This guy who's doing this it's back to the future and he's just masturbating on stage in front of everybody and this guy's a

[1:44:48] Hugh Hugh, it's me your nephew Gary Hefner, you know that new way to get off that you've been looking for

[1:44:55] Well, listen to this

[1:45:03] And as the cops are pulling away he's like you guys aren't gonna like it but your kids are gonna love it when they turn 13

[1:45:10] Yeah, he puts the points the phone toward a ramekin full of

[1:45:16] Potato salad that you're jamming your thumb into

[1:45:19] Turns a boot stuck in the mud. Yeah

[1:45:23] This which room is a very popular idea before it happened

[1:45:26] I love the idea that this that this listener wrote in was like I really like this

[1:45:31] Which one would you like to do and you're like your premise is flawed

[1:45:35] Nobody else wants to hear that ever. You're wrong. No, I'm just I just don't want to just I don't I don't want to turn

[1:45:41] In your gun and bad. I don't want to disappoint anyone. I just I just know that

[1:45:46] there are a lot of fans who complained when the switcheroo actually happened because it turns out that they like people doing the

[1:45:51] Podcast that they do already podcasts are all about fantasies, baby, but

[1:45:56] that being said

[1:46:05] Somebody know that is the new fucking max one fucking logo. I have no idea what that means

[1:46:12] maximum fun

[1:46:17] This is you are you are a creepy podcast producer who's going after like lost runaways in Los Angeles

[1:46:25] And you're like, hey get loose podcasts are all about fantasies, baby. I'm button your shirt. Hey, come on

[1:46:31] Let's maybe let's relax have a little bit of stew juice. Yes, you're making it. That's what he calls wine

[1:46:36] so

[1:46:37] Man, this is tough because I got I got answers for this

[1:46:42] Obvious like one of the new shows on the network dead pilots society

[1:46:46] I would love to get to do to do a reading of a pilot by my boys Dane or Elliot

[1:46:53] I've got one. I've got a pilot. I would love to do

[1:46:56] You know as somebody would literally do that as a bonus episode sometime we could totally do that. Oh, okay

[1:47:02] Sure, somebody would know the actual training. I

[1:47:05] Really overestimate my ability to read something

[1:47:09] And you know, Dan can't read anything. So it's hilarity. The weird thing is though

[1:47:14] My tongue becomes much more dexterous as soon as I'm playing another part like I can act

[1:47:22] That Florida based serial killer dexterous

[1:47:26] Uh

[1:47:28] Yeah, but like your dark passenger have to throw some bodies in Miami and drink some soba de pollo

[1:47:37] All right, but now you've seen me on stage it's not like

[1:47:41] So when you when you're performing and when I play you're playing character

[1:47:44] Yes, you're you're quite fluent and you have no true in very articulate. You have no trouble making a specific type of introvert

[1:47:51] Thank you like to lose yourself in a character in the moment you own it. Yeah, I never want to let it go

[1:47:57] Yeah, mom's spaghetti. Your hands are sweaty

[1:48:00] So I was there's mom's spaghetti Sarah and Getty

[1:48:06] Baltasar Getty Estelle Getty. There's a lot of

[1:48:17] Images by Getty

[1:48:20] Baltasar Getty

[1:48:27] You know what podcast I'd love to cross over with it's not a max fun podcast

[1:48:30] It's called presidents are people too, and it's not a podcast. It's an audio series. I do for audible. I co-host it

[1:48:36] It's now available on iTunes presidents are people to me and Alexis Co talk about a different president every episode

[1:48:42] That's an interesting dodge Elliot, but it's a great show. Thank you

[1:48:45] There's a number of ones I would like to I would like to do Jordan

[1:48:49] Jesse go just because it would be fun to do something totally unstructured. I mean it is structured as opposed to this

[1:48:55] Yeah, it is structured, but it's it's talking about

[1:48:59] People's lives and like whatever you want to talk about rather than having a central theme

[1:49:06] Which sounds fun to me to just do that, but I also would like to do

[1:49:11] Either my brother my brother and me or judge John Hodgman because so bad at that though

[1:49:16] Yeah, we get to tell people what to do though. I know that's why we would be bad

[1:49:22] Nobody wants our advice. I think it'd be so much fun to give advice out

[1:49:28] You're probably right. It would be fun. Okay, let's let's try this change our pod. Let's run a simulation. Okay, I'm having trouble

[1:49:34] I have a secret Santa coming up and

[1:49:36] I'm worried about staying under the money limit because I don't want to seem too cheap

[1:49:40] But I also don't want to go over because I don't even the person's not even gonna know it's from me. What should I do?

[1:49:46] This is obviously the secret Santa we're doing here at the Flophouse and you clearly have Dan because he were asking Dan

[1:49:53] So I'm gonna say go over

[1:49:56] I was gonna say give instructions of them how to masturbate

[1:50:00] As we've learned tonight, that's the best present.

[1:50:02] Not enough people know, and it's the gift that keeps on giving.

[1:50:05] It's a present you can give yourself.

[1:50:07] Elliot's undoing his belt.

[1:50:09] Oh, wow, that's a very large belt buckle, Elliot.

[1:50:12] Oh, yeah, well, you know, I got to keep these pants up somehow.

[1:50:15] Oh, wow, is that the official Texas sesquicentennial

[1:50:19] official belt buckle of their 150 years?

[1:50:21] Wow.

[1:50:22] Yeah, I got it when I was in Texas for that very celebration.

[1:50:25] OK, well, now your pants are coming all the way down.

[1:50:28] OK, this is becoming very close to erotica now,

[1:50:31] and I'm getting very emotional.

[1:50:33] Not that close.

[1:50:34] He's narrating, like, play by play, your pants being removed.

[1:50:38] Most of the time when I hear erotica,

[1:50:40] I hear a joyful Stewart reading it out loud.

[1:50:46] Yeah, the problem now is I can't get off

[1:50:48] without hearing Stewart's voice reading the erotica.

[1:50:51] Yeah, it's required a lot of weird late night

[1:50:53] phone calls from me.

[1:50:54] You're like, Dan, are you OK?

[1:50:56] You're breathing funny.

[1:50:57] I'm fine.

[1:50:57] Just keep reading that story.

[1:50:59] It's a total goop.

[1:51:00] It's funny.

[1:51:00] That's why I want you to read to me, just as a joke.

[1:51:03] Just keep reading the descriptions of movies on IMDb.

[1:51:07] I think it might be the saddest masturbation fodder.

[1:51:12] Brother.

[1:51:13] So I hope that has answered all of your questions

[1:51:18] to the fullest of our abilities.

[1:51:19] But now, it's time to get on to recommendations of movies

[1:51:24] that we like.

[1:51:25] And we've been talking for a while.

[1:51:27] We should do this fast, fast as a flash.

[1:51:31] Man, I'm going to jump right in here.

[1:51:33] I'm going to recommend a movie called Waxwork 2, Loss in Time.

[1:51:39] Hell yeah, man.

[1:51:40] That's a movie that picks up right where the first Waxwork

[1:51:43] left off, which is great because you probably

[1:51:45] got Waxwork 2 in a DVD bundle with the first Waxwork.

[1:51:53] Waxwork 2, you got the heroes from the first movie.

[1:51:56] One of them being Zach Galligan from Gremlins.

[1:52:00] And they have just survived the horrors

[1:52:02] of the original Waxwork, only to go home and have

[1:52:06] a severed hand a la, what, Thing?

[1:52:09] Is that the thing from?

[1:52:10] Yeah, the family, yeah.

[1:52:11] Yep, or the hand from Evil Dead.

[1:52:13] This is your quick version?

[1:52:15] Yeah, murders her dad, and she gets arrested.

[1:52:18] And the only way they can clear this woman's name

[1:52:20] is by using a portal to travel through time

[1:52:23] and getting adventures.

[1:52:24] It's great.

[1:52:25] Check it out.

[1:52:26] Waxwork 2, boom.

[1:52:28] I'm going to recommend a movie that is, I guess,

[1:52:31] similar to today's in that it's also

[1:52:33] about a woman who is having trouble with her husband's

[1:52:36] focus on his career and his wants,

[1:52:38] as opposed to what's best for the both of them.

[1:52:40] And that's Lose.

[1:52:41] It's a movie called Losing Ground from 1982.

[1:52:44] It was written and directed by Kathleen Collins.

[1:52:46] And it is a story about, I guess the best way to describe it

[1:52:52] is it's a story about a marriage of two black intellectuals.

[1:52:55] She is a philosophy professor.

[1:52:57] He is an artist.

[1:52:59] And she is finding that she is not

[1:53:01] getting from him the thing that she needs, which

[1:53:04] is his attention and support.

[1:53:06] And he is instead feeling that, as an artist,

[1:53:08] he has the license to kind of live however he wants

[1:53:10] and do however he wants.

[1:53:12] And it's a really well-observed movie.

[1:53:15] And it's got a really good cast.

[1:53:17] A bunch of great actors are in it, like Bill Gunn and Dwayne

[1:53:20] Jones, who you may remember from Night of the Living Dead.

[1:53:22] And it's a really good independent movie

[1:53:25] about a world that I know I don't usually

[1:53:28] see a lot of movies about, so Losing Ground.

[1:53:31] And I'm going to recommend a documentary by Werner Herzog

[1:53:35] called Encounters at the End of the World about him

[1:53:39] at the South Pole, Antarctica, rather.

[1:53:45] And you sort of hear of a documentary set in Antarctica.

[1:53:51] And you just imagine a bunch of penguins,

[1:53:53] a bunch of beautiful nature photography.

[1:53:56] And there are penguins in the movie.

[1:53:58] There is beautiful nature photography.

[1:54:01] But the movie is largely about, and this

[1:54:04] is tipped by the title, Encounters

[1:54:06] at the End of the World.

[1:54:07] It's largely about both the people

[1:54:11] that he meets in Antarctica, the types of people

[1:54:14] that are drawn to living in Antarctica

[1:54:17] and doing research there and being

[1:54:20] support staff for researchers.

[1:54:24] There's a plumber who takes comfort from the fact

[1:54:31] that he is the descendant, as he claims,

[1:54:35] because he has this particular deformity in his hands.

[1:54:39] He says he's the descendant of Aztec princes.

[1:54:45] There's a woman who has been in all sorts of war

[1:54:50] zones across the world and is a contortionist who can put

[1:54:54] herself inside a piece of luggage.

[1:54:58] There's all these just fascinating people

[1:55:00] who have been shaken down to the southernmost part of the world.

[1:55:05] And it's about that.

[1:55:06] And it's about sort of implicitly

[1:55:09] about how the ice and the snow is obviously

[1:55:14] disappearing because of global warming

[1:55:16] and what that means for the world.

[1:55:20] And it's one of these essay documentary films

[1:55:23] that doesn't have a strong central thesis

[1:55:27] but is sort of poetic and beautiful and inquisitive

[1:55:32] about life and about humanity.

[1:55:36] And it's the sort of thing that Vern Herzog does very well.

[1:55:40] Encounters at the End of the World is what I recommend.

[1:55:44] Wow, three recommendations.

[1:55:46] We did it.

[1:55:47] OK.

[1:55:50] Now what do we do on this podcast, Eugene?

[1:55:51] Now we blessedly sign off.

[1:55:53] Let's say goodbye.

[1:55:54] Once again, we have talked for longer than the movie was.

[1:55:57] By half an hour.

[1:55:58] Ay, ay.

[1:56:00] Well, I mean, the movie didn't have

[1:56:02] to talk about letters and stuff.

[1:56:04] That's true.

[1:56:04] So let's bid a fond adieu to all of our listeners.

[1:56:08] Thank you so much for listening and for giving us your time

[1:56:11] and your enthusiasm.

[1:56:14] Thank you to MaxFun, our parent network,

[1:56:16] and all the other great shows on it.

[1:56:18] Thank you to the people who keep the lights on,

[1:56:22] keep the electricity humming, and thank you

[1:56:25] to the man upstairs, the guy who lives above Dan

[1:56:28] and doesn't complain about all of our loud talking late

[1:56:30] at night.

[1:56:31] Without him, we couldn't do it.

[1:56:33] Thanks, big guy.

[1:56:33] Yeah, thanks to the makers of Max Magician

[1:56:37] and The Legend of the Rings, whatever this movie is.

[1:56:42] But most of all, thanks to you.

[1:56:45] Thanks to you, yeah.

[1:56:47] OK, let's sign off.

[1:56:48] Hey, guys.

[1:56:49] For the Flop House, I've been Stuart Wellington.

[1:56:52] I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:56:53] And I'll always, in a little corner of the world,

[1:56:57] be Elliot Kalin.

[1:56:58] Cut it.

[1:56:59] Good night, everyone.

[1:57:00] All right.

[1:57:08] Elliot likes old-timey shit.

[1:57:10] Stuart likes new-timey shit.

[1:57:13] Dan doesn't like anything.

[1:57:15] But we all kind of like porn.

[1:57:17] We all kind of like porn.

[1:57:19] I've been trying to figure out a stand-up bit about how

[1:57:23] offended I am that movies, whenever you show,

[1:57:25] it's just shorthand for a sad, lonely character

[1:57:27] to show him masturbating.

[1:57:29] It's like, look, there's any number

[1:57:30] of reasons you're masturbating.

[1:57:32] Maybe you're sad and lonely.

[1:57:33] Maybe you're just bored.

[1:57:34] Maybe you got 15 minutes to kill before you

[1:57:36] got to make a phone call.

[1:57:38] Maximumfun.org.

[1:57:40] Comedy and culture.

[1:57:41] Artist owned.

[1:57:42] Listener supported.

Ep. #218 - Nine Lives

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