Ep. #453 - Love Hurts

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss love hurts, love bites, love bleeds.

[0:05] It's bringing me to my knees, Def Leppard.

[0:10] Thanks, Oxford.

[0:13] Familiar Def Leppard's quotations.

[0:15] Mm hmm.

[0:16] Quotables, quotables.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:42] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:43] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:44] And here at the Flophouse.

[0:45] Wait, who's that over there?

[0:47] Over the hill.

[0:48] Guys, don't.

[0:50] Oh, sorry, I was late.

[0:51] It's me, Elliot Kalin.

[0:52] Oh, sorry.

[0:53] I almost didn't make it.

[0:54] But there's time now.

[0:55] There's time at last.

[0:57] Uh huh.

[0:57] There's there's all the time in the world.

[0:59] Just don't break your podcasting glasses.

[1:02] OK, what do we do here?

[1:05] This is a podcast where we watch a movie that was either a critical

[1:08] or a commercial flop, and then we talk about it on this episode.

[1:12] This is what I finally understand.

[1:14] Yeah, actually, that's probably the most succinct summary.

[1:17] I know you've ever done.

[1:18] We're going to get up by talking about it now.

[1:20] So let's not praise you.

[1:22] Sure.

[1:23] I'll come to bury Dan, not to praise him.

[1:25] Yeah.

[1:25] Hand me that shovel.

[1:26] Yeah, Dan's therapist texted me and was like, can you minimize Dan some more?

[1:32] That's what I really need.

[1:33] That's the problem.

[1:33] My therapist got in touch with you.

[1:36] Dan's getting too big for his riches.

[1:38] Yeah, we go out for drinks.

[1:40] Dan, the problem is too much self-confidence.

[1:42] Yeah, we yap about Dan.

[1:43] I'm dying.

[1:44] I'm saying that prescribing for Dan, what we in the therapy

[1:48] business call a smackdown.

[1:51] Yeah, yeah.

[1:52] How raw is this smackdown?

[1:53] Now, let's look, guys, we got to talk about love sharts, right?

[1:56] So we'll we'll get to it.

[1:58] Love hurts.

[1:58] Oh, right.

[1:59] Oh, what did I watch?

[2:02] So this is a, you know, this is part of the key.

[2:06] We keep sorry.

[2:08] Kiki Kwan, a science, a science, the resurgence.

[2:14] And I just want to say up front, well, this guy loved his child performances,

[2:19] loved him coming back, everything, everywhere, all at once.

[2:22] I think he comes out of this movie smelling surprisingly good,

[2:26] considering how this movie eats up people who I've enjoyed before.

[2:31] But that's fair.

[2:32] But the movie is not that great.

[2:34] Not to get ahead of myself.

[2:35] Yeah, Dan's being nice up front because he's going to be mean and bad.

[2:40] Well, I'm just like, I feel bad because I like, you know,

[2:42] you know, in Dan's complimentary at the top that he is going to be a fucking

[2:45] savage during the movie.

[2:46] And I feel bad.

[2:47] This is a guy who I have a lot of fondness for, who hasn't come back

[2:50] and he's getting, you know, his starring role.

[2:53] But I wish it was a better star.

[2:55] But it's so symptomatic of any time a actor

[2:59] is an actor that you like wins an Academy Award for a supporting role.

[3:03] Yes. Well, because who else is in this movie?

[3:05] Ariana DeBose, who won the Academy Award for a supporting role

[3:07] and has been in crap since then, like Craven.

[3:12] I call it crapping.

[3:14] But oh, damn.

[3:15] But this is the savage one today. Thank you.

[3:17] You have two people experiencing what I would call the curse of Cuba Gooding

[3:21] and Cuba Gooding Jr.

[3:22] That is not Cuba Gooding, the musician, his father.

[3:25] But yeah, you're exactly right, Dan.

[3:26] That is, it is exciting to see Juan in a in a starring role.

[3:31] But you wish it was not this.

[3:33] Yeah. You know, you wish it was not what I'm going to preview

[3:36] what I'm going to call

[3:37] what feels like a warmed over Tarantino ripoff script from 1996.

[3:42] It's that it's also a real nobody of a John Wick.

[3:45] It's all of those things. Yes.

[3:48] But anyway, so let's talk about it.

[3:51] We know that's what we're here for.

[3:52] According to what you said earlier, we meet our lead

[3:56] played by Kwan Marvin Gable.

[4:01] He's monologuing about what he loves about Valentine's Day,

[4:04] which is sort of this lame stab at a thematic thing for this movie

[4:07] that doesn't amount to much ever.

[4:09] And it's the start of a number of voiceovers

[4:12] that feel very much added in in post.

[4:15] Yes. And I mean, a lot of it.

[4:17] There's a lot of ADR in this movie that is not very good.

[4:20] There's that like I'm sure that they tried their best.

[4:22] But a lot of this movie feels like it was

[4:25] finessed at a later date for some reason that we can only get.

[4:28] He is 83 minutes long and it is nice.

[4:31] And no one sets out to make an 83 minute movie in the year 2024 2025.

[4:37] Yeah, it is nutty how much like there is clear ADR papering over.

[4:41] Like there's scenes where like Ariana DeBose is like just explaining

[4:45] the plot to people who should know it already.

[4:47] With her back to the camera.

[4:48] And you're like, this was all added later.

[4:50] Yeah. And the I will say the movie kind of keeps.

[4:53] And I wonder if there must be a longer cut of it somewhere.

[4:55] But the movie kind of keeps forgetting that love is the theme

[4:59] that it's supposed to be hitting and then remembering it.

[5:01] And then in voiceover, really hitting it hard.

[5:03] And it feels a little bit at times like you're watching a kid

[5:06] give a book report about a book that they didn't read that closely.

[5:10] And every now and then they're like, oh, yeah.

[5:12] And there's there's a dog in it, too.

[5:14] Yeah. The dog is important, too. Yeah. Yeah.

[5:16] That kind of thing. The back cover mentions love.

[5:18] So, yeah, love is important.

[5:20] Mm hmm. Love, you know, land of contrasts.

[5:24] You know, there's there's many ways you can talk about love hurts.

[5:27] My hypothesis is love helps, but it also hurts the dichotomy of love.

[5:34] In conclusion, love hurts is an 83 minute film. Thank you.

[5:39] Marvin seems to be a mild mannered real estate agent.

[5:43] I have to assume that's exactly what he is, Dan.

[5:46] It could be anything else.

[5:47] No, this is a man you don't want to fuck with.

[5:50] But as we are introduced to him, he's riding around town on his bike.

[5:54] He's recycling bottles.

[5:55] You know, he's getting mad that people draw mustaches

[5:58] on him, on his real estate posters.

[6:00] He's like kind of he seems kind of like a nerd, right?

[6:02] Yeah. Like a little bit of a like a like a boring, boring nerd.

[6:05] Yes. Too into his job.

[6:07] And this and this sort of opening montage is about all we'll get

[6:12] in terms of character development for this character.

[6:14] There's so little set up for why we should care about any of these people.

[6:17] But I mean, I mean, sometimes that's not a bad thing.

[6:21] Like a good movie sometimes uses the shorthand of our appreciation

[6:26] for the performer to build a character.

[6:28] And like I am on his side right from the start because I like him.

[6:31] I like this performer.

[6:32] But yeah, they don't give you don't give even the even the it's like

[6:35] it's like Tom Cruise and Tropic Thunder, right?

[6:38] Yeah, exactly.

[6:40] I mean, yes and no.

[6:41] In that time, the whole joke of Tom Cruise and Tropic Thunder is

[6:43] can you believe Tom Cruise is playing this character?

[6:45] Like that character is doesn't the joke doesn't work with a performer

[6:49] who's not like transformation, Elliot.

[6:51] Well, that's what I'm saying.

[6:52] To see that character is not funny unless you're like, that's Tom Cruise

[6:55] underneath all that anti-Semitic makeup that he's wearing right now.

[6:59] And so here they're really playing off like we know you like this guy,

[7:03] but it makes it hard.

[7:05] I feel like the qualities that make him likable really fight the idea that,

[7:08] as we'll discover, he is a monstrous killing machine when he gets set off.

[7:12] Uh-huh.

[7:13] Also, during this opening, just because it briefly comes into play later.

[7:17] I mentioned that there's a property.

[7:19] There's a rival real estate guy played by one of the property brothers.

[7:22] One. I don't know.

[7:24] I don't want to ask.

[7:25] It's either the one who's married to Zoe Dijon or the one who's not.

[7:28] Yeah. One of the there's not a third.

[7:30] I don't think it's the third one that they change in the attic of all the houses

[7:33] that they show on the show.

[7:34] And the theme of this real estate guy is that he's got a karate

[7:38] guy on and he's doing karate.

[7:39] Oh, I will say he's a tough guy.

[7:41] I will say I was at first personally offended

[7:44] that a property brother was acting in a movie that I was watching because.

[7:47] But I don't know.

[7:50] There's something about the height

[7:51] that the property brothers achieved in the entertainment world

[7:53] that seems baffling to me.

[7:54] But I got to say, he comes off pretty funny in this movie.

[7:57] Yeah, I mean, we'll get to it, but it's a minor high point of the film.

[8:01] Yeah, it's maybe the best comedy performance.

[8:04] When when one of his one of his characters posters like we see a glimpse of it.

[8:09] I first was worried it was what, Zachary Levi, Levy.

[8:13] Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, oh, fuck.

[8:14] And then when it wasn't, I was like, hell yeah.

[8:17] Anybody but that dude. Yeah.

[8:19] You know, I'm OK with property.

[8:21] This episode is going to come out after it turns out

[8:23] one of them is a monster or something, but I'm OK with property brothers.

[8:25] You know, only one, though.

[8:27] And you'll you'll never know which one.

[8:29] So you have to have a moment where you have a gun

[8:30] and the property brothers are like, shoot him.

[8:32] He's the evil property brother.

[8:34] We meet his assistant, Ashley, who's played by Leo Tipton.

[8:38] I'm going to briefly say this this performer uses they they them pronouns

[8:43] and in the absence of any evidence that the character doesn't also

[8:47] use such programs, I'll try and remember to use them.

[8:50] But I apologize for my brain slips.

[8:51] And of course, I spent the first ten minutes being like,

[8:54] where do I know them from?

[8:56] And it was from next top model.

[8:58] I was going to say crazy, stupid love. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[9:01] They were the the babysitter that was in love with Steve Carell

[9:04] and Steve Carell's son was in love with that. Yeah.

[9:07] And I guess I'm the only one who knew them from their history

[9:10] as a juvenile figure skater.

[9:12] Oh, no, I guess I'm just reading that right now in their Wikipedia entry.

[9:16] Oh, wow. Well, the thing about Ashley is that they aren't as enthusiastic

[9:21] about real estate as Marvin, and they're thinking of quitting.

[9:25] Marvin tries to go in his office and is immediately knocked out

[9:27] by some mysterious person.

[9:29] And he wakes up with his hand stabbed to his desk with a knife,

[9:32] which is the sort of injury that would cause so much more pain

[9:36] and trouble than a movie like this acknowledges.

[9:39] That is it. That isn't that is an injury that looks like it would sever nerves

[9:42] like you're losing the use of your fingers.

[9:44] And instead, he's just like, ah, and that's the other day.

[9:47] I punch people for the rest of the movie.

[9:50] The other day I was I was taking apart a frozen drink machine

[9:53] and I was unscrewing like a bolt or something using like some pliers.

[10:00] And I managed to pinch the tip of my finger

[10:04] and it like turned into a big blood blister

[10:05] and it was gross.

[10:06] But it was like the amount of pain

[10:08] and then subsequent pain and annoyance

[10:10] for the rest of the next couple of days.

[10:12] Yeah.

[10:13] And that wasn't even a stab through the hand.

[10:14] That was just a mush of a fingertip.

[10:16] Yeah.

[10:18] Turns out this stabby knife belongs

[10:20] to a bad poetry writing assassin called the Raven

[10:24] who throws around little sharp feathers and has blade arms.

[10:28] What's the blade arm part of it?

[10:30] What is, why is that the Raven?

[10:32] Was that part of Edgar Allen Poe's?

[10:34] I guess it's kind of like blade arm.

[10:35] You remember the once upon a midnight dreary

[10:37] as I pondered weak and weary

[10:39] many over many quaint periods volume of forgotten lore.

[10:41] A Raven came and slashed my throat.

[10:43] Oh no, I said.

[10:45] But no one heard me.

[10:46] But no one heard.

[10:47] As I gurgled on my blood.

[10:50] Loosed as some scarlet flood and so forth and so forth.

[10:53] Yeah, yeah.

[10:54] Sure, yeah.

[10:55] He shows Marvin a Valentine

[10:57] that is signed by someone named Rose.

[11:00] And the Raven says that Marvin's brother

[11:02] is wondering why Rose is spreading love on Valentine's Day.

[11:04] What's his brother's name?

[11:06] Knuckles.

[11:07] Now, not.

[11:08] And I was like, hell yeah.

[11:09] Not Idris Elba.

[11:11] No, this also, and this is something I shouldn't have.

[11:13] Guys, if this movie, the villain had been

[11:16] an animated video game character,

[11:17] I think I would have liked it more.

[11:19] Yeah, but they're still supposed to be brothers.

[11:22] It's not any, it's only a little bit stranger

[11:23] from the fact that they're brothers,

[11:24] but one of them has a heavy accent

[11:26] and the other does not, which is an interesting choice.

[11:29] So just go ahead and make them different types of beings.

[11:32] It's like Fozzie and Kermit can be brothers

[11:34] in The Great Muppet Caper, why not?

[11:36] Kwan is Vietnamese and the brother is from Hong Kong,

[11:39] but Hollywood doesn't care.

[11:41] It's all the same to Hollywood.

[11:42] Yeah.

[11:44] I mean, Kwan has played any number of Chinese characters.

[11:47] No, I know it.

[11:48] It happens that way often.

[11:49] It's just, it's just funny to me.

[11:51] Marvin claims to not know where she is.

[11:54] And we have our first fight

[11:56] and we see Marvin uncork his Kung Fu powers.

[12:00] Now, what do you think about these fights?

[12:01] Because the director of this movie is a fight guy.

[12:03] Like he's a fight choreography guy.

[12:06] But I found that the fights, I was kind of like,

[12:09] there weren't any that I was like super, super charged by,

[12:13] super thrilled by, I don't know.

[12:15] I feel like everybody is capable.

[12:17] I think the, it does feel like the,

[12:21] it's shot and then sped up.

[12:23] I could be wrong,

[12:24] but there was something that felt a little bit off,

[12:26] like enhanced with the fight scenes.

[12:30] I think the fights are pretty good.

[12:34] They are mostly like sort of like the first level though.

[12:37] Like, I mean, they're good fight choreography,

[12:39] but they don't have something else going on

[12:40] except for one that I'll single out soon.

[12:42] Okay.

[12:43] But-

[12:44] There's not a lot of like inventiveness, right?

[12:46] It's a lot of blocks, kicks.

[12:48] They're not using their settings a huge amount.

[12:51] I mean, I think a lot of the problem too though

[12:54] is also like, you don't care about these characters

[12:55] and it doesn't build.

[12:58] Like I was going to get to it later,

[13:00] but like Rose keeps saying like,

[13:01] I need you to be the man you were.

[13:03] I'm like, I don't know, man.

[13:04] He seems like he's basically the same

[13:06] throughout the whole thing.

[13:07] Like he's a little more concerned

[13:08] about not killing people at the beginning

[13:10] than he is at the end.

[13:11] But it's not such a difference in his brutality

[13:13] that you're like, oh yeah, now he's really unleashed.

[13:17] The beast is out, yeah.

[13:19] You know, which I think is a problem.

[13:21] It should build.

[13:22] But anyway.

[13:24] They do actually, and they also do that.

[13:25] I will say they also do the thing,

[13:26] which is always funny where there's a group,

[13:28] later on, there's a group of people attacking him

[13:30] and they all, you can see,

[13:31] they're all kind of waiting their turn to get in.

[13:34] That's the way it's set up, you know?

[13:35] Yeah.

[13:37] So he's able to knock the raven out

[13:39] without anyone in the office party.

[13:41] Guys, if you were a goon,

[13:42] you would probably wait for your turn, right?

[13:44] Cause you're like, I've got all these fucking moves

[13:47] I've been practicing.

[13:48] I don't want to like bump into Jerry or whatever.

[13:50] And it's also, it's just goon professionalism and respect.

[13:55] You let that, you let the first guy have his shot.

[13:57] Then you take your shot.

[13:58] You're not going to horn in on his fight territory.

[14:00] Yeah, sure, sure.

[14:00] We're going to work with these goons, you know?

[14:02] Yeah.

[14:03] And maybe you don't have a fucking vibe

[14:04] with someone else, you know?

[14:05] Yeah.

[14:06] If you're not going to get murdered in this fight,

[14:07] then you're going to have to see this guy tomorrow.

[14:08] The person you're fighting, you may never see them again.

[14:10] So who's the priority?

[14:12] That's a good point.

[14:14] So Marvin goes to his boss.

[14:17] And by goon, you mean like a fighting thug.

[14:19] You don't mean someone who just masturbates a lot

[14:20] on the internet.

[14:22] Yeah.

[14:22] I mean, you can be both.

[14:24] That's a good point.

[14:25] You got to fill time between those fights.

[14:29] So Marvin goes over to his boss's office.

[14:31] Cliff, played by Sean Astin.

[14:33] So we get a goonies.

[14:34] Yeah, speaking of goons.

[14:36] Right, goons.

[14:38] So what if the goonies was about kids

[14:39] discovering masturbation for the first time?

[14:41] I mean, kind of, if you look at the movie

[14:43] from a certain angle.

[14:45] Oh, interesting.

[14:46] The treasure hunt is really a metaphor

[14:48] for the treasure of our own bodies.

[14:50] You went hunting for what makes them.

[14:52] Rather than being like, oh, you know,

[14:53] they saw the Fratelli's influence and they're like,

[14:55] oh, I could be a goon in my career.

[14:58] Oh, I see.

[14:59] I should start beating people up

[15:00] and pushing them out of their houses or whatever.

[15:02] Yeah.

[15:04] So Cliff gives him a framed cigarette,

[15:05] a cigarette certificate.

[15:07] Framed cigarette.

[15:09] He says, Elvis once held this cigarette.

[15:10] That's why I framed it.

[15:12] Yeah, that's sick.

[15:14] A framed certificate naming him

[15:15] Regional Realtor of the Year,

[15:18] which really touches Marvin.

[15:19] He hugs Cliff and he's like, you've changed me.

[15:21] You've, you know, like, you turned my life around

[15:24] and he borrows Cliff's car to get out of there.

[15:26] This is also really cool

[15:27] because Sean Astin wears this big 10 gallon hat

[15:31] and he has this like active, like a Texas guy,

[15:35] which added to my questions of like,

[15:37] where the fuck is this movie supposed to take place?

[15:38] Yeah, because the license plate on his car says Wisconsin.

[15:40] Yeah, and apparently it is Wisconsin,

[15:42] is where it's supposed to be set.

[15:43] It was all shot in Canada, though.

[15:45] People don't move from one state to another.

[15:48] But it is an interesting choice to have a guy

[15:51] who was like, I'm from Texas.

[15:52] I'm a cowboy.

[15:53] Here I am in Wisconsin.

[15:57] But I do like that his office walls

[15:58] mostly have cowboy hats hanging on them.

[16:01] And just imagine, does he wear those

[16:02] or are those just his display hats?

[16:04] You know, that was a touch that I did like.

[16:06] Give a character one thing

[16:08] and have them do it to the nth degree.

[16:10] Yeah, yeah.

[16:11] Well, again, speaking of goons,

[16:12] two goons named Otis and King

[16:14] are watching The Office Outside.

[16:16] King is played by Marshawn Lynch.

[16:18] Yeah, after his star-making turn in Bottoms, right?

[16:21] Yeah, I think he's one of the ones

[16:24] who comes off best in this, too.

[16:25] I think so, too.

[16:26] He has like a naturalness about him.

[16:29] Like, he just like, I don't know how big his range is,

[16:31] but he's got so much charisma

[16:33] and he seems like a real person

[16:35] who wandered into this very fake movie.

[16:36] Yeah, he was the person that my older son

[16:39] was most excited about being in the movie.

[16:40] He didn't watch this with me.

[16:42] But when Love Hurts was coming out,

[16:43] my older son kept saying,

[16:45] Marshawn Lynch is in that movie.

[16:46] He's like one of the best players ever.

[16:48] Marshawn, and I said,

[16:48] he goes, what movie are you watching for this episode?

[16:50] Love Hurts, with Marshawn Lynch.

[16:51] So he was very excited that Marshawn Lynch

[16:53] has a movie career.

[16:54] What's he play?

[16:55] What's he play?

[16:55] What's his game?

[16:56] Magic?

[16:57] Yeah, yeah.

[16:58] He's one of the greatest magic gathering players

[16:59] there ever was, yeah.

[17:00] Overwatch?

[17:00] Is he an e-gamer?

[17:01] Yeah, yeah.

[17:02] He's one of the greatest pinochle players

[17:04] in America right now.

[17:05] Oh, wow.

[17:06] If you look at the rankings, yeah.

[17:08] Yeah.

[17:08] Cribbage.

[17:09] Yeah, he's a bridge master.

[17:12] Man, fuck.

[17:12] So he's like good at the thing in the newspaper, right?

[17:15] The little bridge puzzle.

[17:16] Yes, he writes those.

[17:17] Yeah.

[17:18] He actually writes those, yeah.

[17:19] Holy shit.

[17:19] Everyone's favorite part of the paper.

[17:22] I hope it never goes away.

[17:23] That's one of those things like

[17:25] having a court artist instead of a photographer

[17:27] that I love that we still do it.

[17:28] I love the newspaper still gives people

[17:30] as a bridge column.

[17:31] Yeah.

[17:32] Never get rid of that.

[17:33] When being a reporter has been banned by the government

[17:37] and Trump rounds up all the journalists

[17:39] and puts them into camps,

[17:40] I hope that he gives special attention

[17:41] to the bridge colonists

[17:42] and the bridge colonists gets extra rations

[17:45] of crusty bread simply for all the work he has to do.

[17:47] Or he bans the bridge column

[17:49] and that's what finally sparks the revolution.

[17:51] He pushed too far.

[17:54] Well, anyway, March on Lunch is King.

[17:57] Otis, the other one, is upset

[17:58] because he's having trouble with his wife at home.

[18:00] That's sort of a subplot.

[18:02] This is kind of a subplot

[18:03] that's tied to the theme of love,

[18:04] but their conversations are very, very

[18:06] sub-fiction to hitmen having conversations.

[18:09] It's like the classic hitmen

[18:11] that are talking about modern psychology.

[18:16] They see Marvin leave,

[18:17] so they call to report back

[18:18] to returning Flophouse fave, Cam Guijandé.

[18:21] Yeah.

[18:22] Oh, yeah.

[18:23] He's playing Rennie Merlo.

[18:24] We haven't seen him in years at the Flophouse, right?

[18:27] No, it's been a long time.

[18:28] He's been only making good movies.

[18:29] Yeah.

[18:31] Rennie's in some sort of mob lair.

[18:33] He tells the goons to follow Marvin Miblevan Rose.

[18:36] And meanwhile, he'll keep Knuckles in the dark.

[18:40] And why is one of Knuckles' own men

[18:43] keeping him in the dark?

[18:44] We'll find out.

[18:45] After this, hi, are you worried

[18:48] about the lack of snails in your house?

[18:50] If that's a problem, get Snailby here.

[18:53] The only snail bait guaranteed to attract

[18:56] the number of snails you want in your house.

[18:58] If it's more than zero.

[19:00] And now, back to our show.

[19:07] Is the lack of snails in your home

[19:09] like snails on the chalkboard?

[19:12] Do you lay awake at night missing the sound

[19:15] of quiet sludge creeping across your walls and floors?

[19:21] If so, there's only one product on the market

[19:24] that will do what you want it to.

[19:25] Snailby here.

[19:27] Don't fall for imitators.

[19:29] Mo' Snail does not work.

[19:31] In tests, Mo' Snail fails compared to Snailby here.

[19:34] God dammit, I needed that.

[19:36] Anyway.

[19:38] Knuckles wants to find Rose

[19:40] because she knows where some, as yet unexplained,

[19:42] money that was stolen came from.

[19:44] Rose knows.

[19:45] And Rennie seems upset that Knuckles sent Raven

[19:48] to find her because he wants to find her

[19:50] for his own reasons.

[19:52] Okay.

[19:52] Dan, it sounds like we're in a hilarious

[19:54] and exciting scramble of characters.

[19:56] Well, you know what?

[19:57] It should be.

[19:58] And I gotta say, all this plot.

[20:00] thing is clearer with me explaining it than it is in the movie even though they do a lot

[20:04] of explaining of things.

[20:07] And also, Knuckles is drinking boba tea, which he loves, which I mentioned, because it will

[20:13] become, unlikely it seems, a plot point later on.

[20:16] Yep, do one thing and do it to the nth degree, like Stewart said, and his thing is boba.

[20:20] Yeah, he's boba nut.

[20:23] Anyway, Knuckles, Boba Fett's cousin, boba nut.

[20:29] Yeah, he's funny cousin.

[20:32] Knuckles wants to find out why Marvin didn't kill Rose, like he was ordered to, so he wants

[20:38] Rose alive, even though he's like, she stole from you, you gotta kill her.

[20:42] The boba nut chef's called the slave, fun.

[20:51] King Otis.

[20:52] He's the greatest bounty hunter slash party clown in the galaxy.

[20:57] We keep him around, yeah.

[21:00] And of course he captures Fun Solo, that's what he does.

[21:05] Fun Solo, that's what you're doing when you're gooning.

[21:08] Fun Solo.

[21:09] Yeah, yeah, that's when you do it without guide wires.

[21:13] Yeah, when you're masturbating, when you're going through Imperial Customs.

[21:16] Do you have a last name?

[21:18] No.

[21:19] Well, who are you masturbating with?

[21:20] No one.

[21:21] Fun Solo.

[21:23] Oh, thank God they explained that.

[21:27] Yeah.

[21:28] We needed to know where the term came from.

[21:32] I guess masturbation can be fun.

[21:34] For me, it's deadly serious, guys.

[21:38] It's a game of cat and mouse between you and your penis.

[21:41] But who's the cat and who's the mouse?

[21:43] We'll find out in the end, I hope.

[21:45] Masturbation can be fun.

[21:48] Join the holy war.

[21:49] Gee, that's hair.

[21:51] Oh, I forgot about that.

[21:52] King and Otis catch up to Marvin at his house, and it turns out they're the enforcers who replaced Marvin in the outfit.

[22:00] And they ask where Rose is, and they have a big fight.

[22:03] This is the aforementioned thing where I think there's a little bit of an extra level that I enjoyed where he's trying to protect his Realtor of the Years certificate.

[22:10] And also not hurt them too much.

[22:12] He's not trying to kill these guys.

[22:14] And there's one moment in this that I do like where they close him in a refrigerator, then pick up the refrigerator, and then throw it across the room, and then he falls out of the refrigerator.

[22:22] And I'm like, okay, that's something I've seen in a character in a refrigerator get thrown around since Crystal Skull.

[22:28] And it helps that Kihoi Kwan is, like, not a huge dude, so they can take advantage of this.

[22:34] That's the thing I think they start doing and they don't really take enough advantage of is the fact that it feels like the joke of the movie or the exciting thing about the movie is that he does not look –

[22:43] I mean, same with, like, nobody, right?

[22:44] He's not a guy who looks like he would be a super tough fighter who can win these fights just because he's a smaller guy.

[22:49] And so having – the fun of it would be having him surprise the other people with what he's so good at or showing that he's amazing at it.

[22:57] And I feel like they – it's so kind of – everything is kind of handled in such a Derriger kind of, like, fashion that they never really get that point when you're like, oh, shit.

[23:08] I didn't expect this little guy to be such an amazing fighter, but he's outstanding.

[23:12] Yeah, there's a little bit of that.

[23:13] Like Marshawn Lynch has a little, like, what?

[23:16] Like moment, but it's not enough.

[23:18] I no longer enjoy Frank Miller's Sin City comics the same way that I once did, but it's kind of like the moment in that first Sin City story where Marv finds the guy Elijah Wood plays in the movie that kind of like the killer who just looks like a little guy.

[23:33] And that guy immediately turns out to be super fast and have, like, razor-sharp nails.

[23:38] Oh, this is going to be a lot more difficult than we thought.

[23:40] That's the moment you want in this, but it feels like they don't really have it mainly maybe because he's – I don't know.

[23:46] Even though they're building him up as, like, he's just an ordinary guy who loves – he's a nerd who loves his job.

[23:51] Like, it never quite – you know the other shoe is going to drop.

[23:54] It never feels like him or him.

[23:55] And they don't give enough setup to that.

[23:57] Like, the rush to the first fight is so quick that, like, you don't really get enough of this character to actually give a shit about him.

[24:04] Yes.

[24:05] Yeah.

[24:06] History of Violence does a better job of this kind of reveal.

[24:09] Oh, yeah.

[24:10] The great movie.

[24:11] The great movie that a great director made?

[24:13] Yeah, yeah.

[24:14] I guess what I'm saying is Love Hurts doesn't stand up to David Cronenberg's work.

[24:19] Yeah.

[24:20] Although Love Hurts is actually – would be a good title of David Cronenberg's, like, so many of David Cronenberg's movies.

[24:27] If you did a retrospective of his movies, Love Hurts would be a great – yeah, would be a great title for it.

[24:31] Yeah.

[24:32] Anyway, he escapes, but before he can drive away, he's taged by Rose, as we mentioned before, played by Ariana DeBose.

[24:39] And I want to say I've liked her before, especially in West Side Story.

[24:44] I think she is downright bad here, but I don't think it's necessarily her fault.

[24:49] Like, this is, like, such a poorly written character, like, such an off-the-shelf, like, chaotic force character.

[24:58] Yeah.

[24:59] And, like, the director doesn't seem to know what to do with her.

[25:01] Like, it just – it's a problem, especially because the fact that they're supposedly in love is the plot driver in a lot of ways.

[25:09] Yeah.

[25:10] And I don't buy it.

[25:11] Yeah, the fact that there's a, what, 20-year age gap and they have, like, negative chemistry on screen and they never – they almost never touch on screen and it seems like they are in different movies.

[25:24] Yeah.

[25:25] It is a – she is – she definitely does not have much of a character to play.

[25:28] To borrow our friend Nathan's old phrase, she's a – she's a manic pixie assassin girl, you know.

[25:36] And the –

[25:39] She does have a rose tattoo on her arm, not the band Rose Tattoo.

[25:43] No, no.

[25:44] She's a Tennessee Williams.

[25:45] Not the Tennessee Williams play, the Rose Tattoo, yeah.

[25:47] Or the band featuring Angry Anderson, who was in Mad Max Me on Thunderdome.

[25:52] It does really hurt, and not in a fun, love hurts way.

[25:55] It does really hurt that they have very little chemistry and we're supposed to believe they have a history.

[25:59] And if those two characters weren't supposed to have a history together, I think this movie would work slightly better if it is like, who are you and why are you doing this?

[26:07] And they're discovering each other through the process.

[26:09] Yeah, why are you an agent of chaos in my life?

[26:11] Yes.

[26:12] Like in a – what is the – what was the Life Less Ordinaries in a way?

[26:17] Or something wild or something dead or bringing up Bobby and, you know, that's a –

[26:24] How is Bobby formed?

[26:25] Yeah, bringing up Baba Yaga.

[26:27] That's the one where the Baba Yaga gets into Cary Grant's life.

[26:34] Where is that –

[26:35] Crazy chicken foot.

[26:37] Where is that dinosaur bone I'm looking for?

[26:39] It's in my mortar and pestle as she flies away.

[26:42] But the – Ariana DeBose does have one moment here that I like where she tazes Marvin and she tazes somebody else.

[26:50] And for whatever reason, there's two kids sitting on a swing set watching her, and she does like a little flourish bow to them because they enjoyed seeing her taze those guys.

[26:58] And I like that split second, that bow I really like.

[27:01] Meanwhile, back at the office, Ashley finds the unconscious raven, reads some of his poetry, is immediately smitten with him on the basis of this terrible poetry.

[27:14] King calls Rennie and is like –

[27:17] Wait, I have one more thing to say.

[27:18] His poetry is not bad enough to be funny.

[27:21] That's another missed opportunity.

[27:22] No, it's just realistically bad.

[27:24] Yeah, it's realistically – it should be really hilariously bad, and then it's equally funny if they fall in love with him.

[27:30] Yeah.

[27:33] King is like, hey, this realtor is like nobody Baba Yaga.

[27:37] I'm out.

[27:38] And Rennie is like, hey, if Knuckles finds Rose, she's going to talk.

[27:42] She'll reveal it was Rennie and someone named Kippy who haven't met yet who actually stole from him, so they have to keep at it.

[27:50] And he's like, I'll find Rose myself.

[27:52] You goons go find Kippy and seize the other loose ends.

[27:57] This is another issue with this movie.

[27:59] For a movie where the plot is both super simple and hard to figure out, there's a lot of characters telling each other what to do and what they're going to do next.

[28:07] And it's like we just have the characters doing this.

[28:09] We don't need to see so many times that Cam Gajanat is giving orders to other people.

[28:12] It is baffling to me that – I watched this movie and then I just – because it was so short, I just watched it straight to watch it.

[28:20] And then I went back and skimmed over it to take my notes.

[28:23] And so much more was clear the second time around obviously, but –

[28:27] I mean that's good. That's like a Gene Wolfe novel.

[28:29] It's made to be re-watched, not watched.

[28:31] That's good work, yeah.

[28:32] But I was just confused watching it because I'm like this plot is so – essentially so simple.

[28:37] Why didn't it make any sense to me the first time around?

[28:41] It was just like a cavalcade of –

[28:42] Were you on Edibles or something or –

[28:44] What?

[28:45] Were you on Edibles or something?

[28:46] No.

[28:47] I haven't had pot in months and months.

[28:50] It would be a real dereliction of duty, Dan.

[28:52] If you were on Edibles when you were watching the movie while doing the summary.

[28:55] I would probably court-martial you and drum you out and tear your flop house patches off.

[28:59] Yeah, yeah.

[29:00] Oh, wow.

[29:01] Okay.

[29:02] I will not tell Elliot about my choices.

[29:04] Hey, Stu, as long as the summary comes through, that's okay.

[29:08] But if Dan's like I have trouble following this, maybe it's because I was intoxicated at the time.

[29:12] Well, I wasn't.

[29:13] Marvin wakes up somewhere in a sweater with hearts all over it.

[29:17] Hilarious, right guys?

[29:19] Ashley is leaving him a voicemail about the unconscious assassin in his office and reads a poem in a loving voice and quits their job.

[29:28] And then the raven wakes up and those two characters start connecting.

[29:31] Yeah.

[29:32] That's great.

[29:33] Marvin has some voiceover about liking Rose and vice versa because the movie doesn't have time to do the job.

[29:39] He likes the movie vice versa?

[29:41] He loves vice versa.

[29:43] He's like I love Rose but almost as much as I love vice versa.

[29:46] Yeah.

[29:48] A crystal skull.

[29:50] Oh, wait.

[29:51] A golden skull?

[29:52] That's the Judge Reinhold one, right?

[29:54] Yeah, that's the Judge Reinhold one.

[29:55] Like Father Like Son is the Dudley Moore one?

[29:57] Yes, with Kirk Cameron.

[29:59] Okay.

[30:00] And then- And 18 again is the George Burns one.

[30:04] Yes, and in Dream a Little Dream, Jason Robards is actually in a coma or something the whole

[30:10] time.

[30:11] He's dreaming.

[30:12] Oh, okay.

[30:13] But Corey Feldman is- Yeah.

[30:14] Or Haynes.

[30:15] He's Corey Haynes, yeah.

[30:16] And then Feldman's a supporting character.

[30:17] And Freaky Friday is the Jamie Lee Curtis one, and there's another one of that coming

[30:21] out.

[30:22] Okay, yeah.

[30:23] Uh-huh.

[30:24] You got another Friday or whatever it is.

[30:25] What's the Fist in the Fountain one?

[30:26] What's the one?

[30:27] That's just a switch-up.

[30:28] The switch-up.

[30:29] Is it the change-up or the switch-up?

[30:31] I don't know.

[30:32] The switch-up.

[30:33] The chase?

[30:34] Yeah.

[30:35] The chase with Christy Swanson and Charlie Sheen when they switch places.

[30:36] It's the getaway.

[30:37] Yeah.

[30:38] Uh-huh.

[30:39] Oh, yeah.

[30:40] So those are all Body Swap movies.

[30:41] And- And-

[30:42] We also did Freaky with our friend Barbara Crampton on the show.

[30:43] Yeah, that's true.

[30:44] And Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde is the one with Shawn Young, right?

[30:45] Yeah.

[30:46] Yeah.

[30:47] And Tim Daly.

[30:48] Okay.

[30:49] Tine Daly?

[30:50] Yeah.

[30:51] Tine Daly was who?

[30:52] A tiny Daly.

[30:53] Where was he?

[30:54] I don't know.

[30:56] See, Tine Daly is getting a little smaller.

[30:57] Tine Daly in the interstice song.

[30:58] A little bit closer.

[30:59] Tine Daly.

[31:00] Yep.

[31:01] You see that Daly?

[31:02] Boy, that's huge.

[31:03] No, it would be Tine Daly saying that.

[31:04] Oh, boy.

[31:05] No, that's Tiny Elvis next.

[31:06] Oh, Tiny Elvis is even tinier than Tine Daly.

[31:07] I see.

[31:08] Or Tine Daly.

[31:09] Okay.

[31:10] Yeah.

[31:11] I have it all mapped out on this chart.

[31:12] In this whiteboard.

[31:13] Oh, yeah.

[31:14] There's a lot of yarn between those pictures of Tine Daly and Tine Daly.

[31:15] Yeah.

[31:16] Yeah.

[31:17] Yeah.

[31:18] Yeah.

[31:19] Yeah.

[31:20] Yeah.

[31:21] Yeah.

[31:22] Yeah.

[31:23] Yeah.

[31:24] I don't know if it's Tine Daly and Tiny Elvis.

[31:25] Yeah.

[31:26] Yeah.

[31:27] We've got a lot to say about love hurts, don't we?

[31:29] Rose explains she's back from the fake dead because she wants to get their lives back.

[31:33] She takes them on a joyride trying to get the old killer to come out.

[31:37] She says, hello, you fool.

[31:39] I love you.

[31:40] Want to go on a joyride.

[31:41] Yeah.

[31:42] Yeah.

[31:43] Yeah.

[31:44] Rock's on.

[31:45] The Raven and Ashley continue to fall in love.

[31:46] Marvin takes Rose to one of his unsold properties as a safe house and they argue about getting

[31:51] their lives back.

[31:52] And, you know, this is where they're supposed to be reconnecting.

[31:54] But again, it doesn't really happen.

[31:57] Rennie Cam, Gijan Day breaks into our apartment and shoots someone.

[32:02] But it's just a decoy mannequin that Rose has left with a message for him saying that

[32:07] she is Kippy along with a bunch of incriminating financial info.

[32:11] This was the point where I was like, it says I've got Kippy on the set.

[32:14] And I was like, am I supposed to know who Kippy is already?

[32:18] Fortunately, you meet him right now.

[32:20] Yeah.

[32:21] And then Rose's trunk is played by Rees Darby, the only Rees Darby performance that never

[32:27] made me laugh.

[32:28] Oh, yeah.

[32:29] I love it.

[32:30] I love Rees Darby.

[32:31] And yeah, this is it's not a it's I mean, they don't give him much to do.

[32:34] They don't give him enough to do.

[32:35] They do give him some fake teeth.

[32:36] They do.

[32:37] That's the worst part.

[32:38] I think that's what I think.

[32:39] Honestly, that is the fatal mistake that makes me not laugh at any of it, because like she

[32:45] like pulls like his front teeth off his fake front teeth off when when like removing the

[32:50] duct tape that she had in his mouth.

[32:52] And so then he's got these false, like gross, broken teeth the whole time and supposed to

[32:58] be funny.

[32:59] But it just makes everything off putting that he does.

[33:02] And it's weird because it's like, no, you have a very talented comedic performer.

[33:06] Just let him make it funny.

[33:09] Yes.

[33:10] Rose threatens Kippy with a taser and we get the backstory, which is that Rose helped Rennie

[33:17] steal four million from Knuckles and then Rennie put two million in the trunk of Rose's

[33:22] car for Knuckles to find.

[33:24] So Rennie could take Rose's place in the organization while Kippy cooked the books so they could

[33:30] keep the remaining two million dollars undetected.

[33:33] So everyone has that now.

[33:35] Yeah.

[33:36] All of the pieces are in place.

[33:38] Fine.

[33:39] There's a flashback to Rose of the quarry with Marvin where he was supposed to kill

[33:44] her, but he tells her to run instead.

[33:45] I will say the first time we see the two of them together, they are dressed so differently

[33:50] from what we're used to.

[33:51] And Marvin, when he was a monster hit man, has a mustache and wears kind of like a blue

[33:56] suit.

[33:57] And he looks like he looks like he is.

[33:59] He's a character in a leisure suit Larry video game.

[34:02] Like I love it.

[34:03] I kind of love it.

[34:04] Yeah.

[34:05] I was suddenly.

[34:06] Her fit, her like all white suit also.

[34:07] But it feels so like this whole movie is not realistic.

[34:11] But then the characters seem so cartoonish at that moment compared to before when they're

[34:15] at least wearing a regular, you know, everyday clothes that I was like, what?

[34:18] Hold on a second.

[34:19] Wait.

[34:20] So were they characters and guys and dolls for a moment?

[34:22] And then they came back to reality.

[34:23] Like, well, it's also weird because it's like, like he's doing what he wants to do as a realtor.

[34:29] Yeah.

[34:30] And it's just weird to me that it's like, so was he spending a lot of time wearing these

[34:34] like fancy bad guy outfits?

[34:37] Like was that a rule?

[34:38] Like did he do not have to?

[34:39] It doesn't seem like it's conducive to him being a battle.

[34:42] Like Knuckles was like, I need you to dress like one of the weasels and Roger Rabbit if

[34:45] you're going to do the job like he should have been like Danny the dog or something

[34:49] from that Jet Li movie.

[34:51] Like he should have been.

[34:52] Yeah.

[34:53] That whole time it feels like they're trying to make him that character, basically the

[34:56] character like this is I crafted you into the ultimate killer and then I let you off

[34:59] your leash.

[35:00] You know, it at least would make sense if they're like he threw himself into being a

[35:06] killer because he was somebody who just needed direction because that's kind of what he

[35:13] has done as a realtor, that he is like taking a job and just pursued it.

[35:19] And that that's why he was a killer.

[35:20] And then like he had a change of heart.

[35:22] But I don't know.

[35:23] Well, this movie is that part of the problem with this movie is it as it's at cross purposes

[35:26] with itself because he really I feel like he does communicate that he likes being a

[35:32] realtor.

[35:33] He loves this job.

[35:34] He's enjoying his life for real.

[35:36] And you have Rose come in and say, you're lying to yourself.

[35:38] You're hiding.

[35:39] This isn't who you really are.

[35:40] Yes.

[35:41] And the movie wants him to be revealed as, no, he is a he does have a killer inside of

[35:45] him and he needs to bring it out.

[35:46] That is who he is.

[35:47] But that's not the performance that one is giving.

[35:49] I was giving it like a better performance of no, he is a realtor at heart and he wants

[35:54] to do that.

[35:55] And also, you know what movie the message should be.

[35:57] Yes, it is better to be a realtor than to be a merciless killer.

[36:00] But I don't care which one looks cooler on screen if we want to live in a world of realtors,

[36:06] not in the world of assassins.

[36:07] It certainly would have made more sense if he was like an assassin at heart who's just

[36:10] trying to play it being a realtor and he was bad at it.

[36:13] Yes, that would have been at least that would have been a choice that would have maybe been

[36:17] funny and tied in with the rest of the movie as opposed to the choice they went with.

[36:22] The idea that we're I mean, once you have a character who likes his life and Rose comes

[36:26] in and is is throwing that out because she wants to be him and be someone different is

[36:31] throwing that off.

[36:32] Her character has to be so charismatic that you're like that you weren't as tempted as

[36:36] he is.

[36:37] Whereas here, I kept thinking of the movie.

[36:38] I'm like, just go away like he had a good life and you're wrecking it, but you're not

[36:42] bringing anything in addition.

[36:44] Yeah.

[36:45] Like you're just a bad influence all the way through.

[36:46] And maybe if that's the movie you're telling, then make her really bad.

[36:49] Make her a bad guy.

[36:50] You know?

[36:51] Yeah.

[36:52] I don't feel like he's going to be more self actualized if he goes back to like murdering

[36:54] people.

[36:55] Oh, I mean, there's a there's another version of this movie, which is not necessarily better

[36:58] where he loses regional realtor of the year.

[37:01] His boss is like, sorry, man, I know you want this job, but you just don't have the killer

[37:05] instinct.

[37:06] And then through becoming an assassin again, that intensity comes back and then suddenly

[37:10] he's the best realtor in the world.

[37:11] You know, that's that that's the arc that he's on.

[37:13] And this adventure helps him.

[37:15] Whereas here it's like he's like, I love my life.

[37:17] All this stuff came in.

[37:18] You know what?

[37:19] I do love my life.

[37:20] And I will continue to be a realtor.

[37:22] It's like, why the hell did I just see you go through all this?

[37:25] Yeah.

[37:26] So we see that quarry flashback.

[37:28] He tells her to run.

[37:29] Quarry flashbacks was a quarry Feldman, a quarry heim.

[37:31] Yeah.

[37:32] Quarry.

[37:33] Quarry.

[37:34] Quarry.

[37:35] Quarry Feldman.

[37:36] Mm hmm.

[37:37] Back in the present, Rose is weirdly angry about why did you volunteer to kill me when

[37:40] it is pretty clear that it was to protect her?

[37:43] Because if anyone else took that job, they would have just killed her, killed her.

[37:47] But Marvin has to explain it anyway.

[37:49] So the dumbest in the audience understand, I guess.

[37:53] Yeah.

[37:54] So back at that, back at Marvin's actual house, Cliff shows up to pick up the car and he finds

[38:00] Knuckles and some of his muscle.

[38:03] And they have this conversation where Knuckles is obviously like menacing and angry that

[38:06] Cliff has become Marvin's surrogate surrogate brother rather than him, the real brother.

[38:12] And he reveals Marvin Stark past and Cliff is so nice and forgiving that, you know, Sean

[38:17] Astin is going to get killed.

[38:18] Yeah.

[38:19] And he does get killed by Knuckles stabbing a boba straw into his eye and blood dribbles

[38:23] out.

[38:24] I mean, it's maybe too gruesome for the tone of this movie.

[38:26] Like this is like the nicest guy who gets killed in this awful joke way.

[38:32] My guess is this movie was originally probably a lot gorier.

[38:35] And that could be.

[38:36] And they kept that in because I guess it's neat looking or or funny that that the blood

[38:41] pours out through the straw.

[38:43] You know.

[38:44] Yeah.

[38:45] Yeah.

[38:46] But I guess this was a much bloodier movie.

[38:47] And then they cut it back at some point.

[38:48] That's because the the fight scenes feel otherwise so bloodless, even though people are getting

[38:51] slashed with blades and like, you know, getting the shit kicked out of them.

[38:55] So, yeah, it does feel like there is a that like Sean Astin's I guess it makes me not

[39:02] like the movie that Sean Astin's character is so sweet and then gets killed.

[39:06] And it's supposed to be like, no, this Knuckles guy now I really want him dead.

[39:09] But he was already a bad guy.

[39:11] We already don't like him.

[39:12] And I feel like there's a there's no version of this movie where Sean Astin's character

[39:15] is a little sleazy, like maybe he's he's using Marvin a little bit like a guy from Die Hard

[39:22] Yeah.

[39:23] Yeah.

[39:24] So when he gets killed, it's like, oh, but also not you don't feel heartbroken.

[39:27] You know, the movie can't the movie can't carry Sean Astin's death in this, you know,

[39:31] no, no, not at all.

[39:32] Marvin threatens Kippy, but is interrupted by people coming to see the house.

[39:36] And Rose is like, don't open that door.

[39:39] And Marvin says, I like my life now, but I am like, you know, you can still try and keep

[39:44] your life as a realtor and not open the door right now while you're holding this guy hostage

[39:49] and there's a criminal thing going on.

[39:52] A better movie, this would be a great like kind of a fun scene of like, oh, like we have

[39:55] this farcical thing where he has to show the house while this stuff is going on.

[39:58] But you have to make that.

[40:00] Inevitable, you can't just have him be like,

[40:02] no, I'm gonna show the house for no reason.

[40:05] The whole movie, he should be like,

[40:06] I have this appointment coming up to show this house.

[40:09] Yeah.

[40:10] And so I've gotta get to that appointment.

[40:11] Like that should be his drive to get out of fight scenes.

[40:14] It's like, I can't be all beat to crap

[40:17] because I have to show this house.

[40:18] Because what it feels like also is,

[40:19] this couple showed up randomly at a model house,

[40:23] hoping that the realtor would be there that day

[40:25] to show them around.

[40:26] And it's like, that's not how realty works.

[40:29] Like a realtor doesn't just live at a model house

[40:31] waiting for his clients to show up.

[40:33] Like they would have an appointment.

[40:34] Do you think this would have worked better

[40:36] if he hadn't won what regional realtor of the year

[40:39] at the start, but instead he knew that they were like,

[40:43] judging by the end of the movie.

[40:45] So he was like, okay, so I have to show this house

[40:48] cause I need to win this award maybe.

[40:50] I think so.

[40:50] He has, I think if he, his whole drive

[40:54] the whole time should be, I gotta win this award.

[40:57] Like I can't let this get in the way of winning this award.

[40:59] And the joke there then is like,

[41:00] your life is in danger.

[41:01] Why do you care so much this?

[41:02] And then at the end of the movie, he went,

[41:03] they've judged him and they're like,

[41:06] you were able to protect your client's lives.

[41:08] You know, you won.

[41:09] And he goes and accepts the award and he's all beat up

[41:11] and he's bloody all over.

[41:12] And he's giving a speech, holding this certificate.

[41:14] It means so much to him, but he looks half dead.

[41:16] Like that would be such a funny ending to it.

[41:18] That's better.

[41:19] Yeah, we fixed it.

[41:20] We fixed it.

[41:21] Love doesn't hurt anymore.

[41:21] Love fixed.

[41:23] The couple comes in to see the house.

[41:24] Marvin calls Ashley for the closing paperwork,

[41:27] but they're like, didn't you get the message?

[41:28] I quit.

[41:29] But Marvin convinces them to come to the house,

[41:31] which means the raven also knows where Marvin is.

[41:34] But Ashley, because they've fallen in love,

[41:36] convinces the raven not to kill Marvin,

[41:38] but take him in on harm.

[41:40] He'll kill Marvin.

[41:42] Nevermore.

[41:43] Oh, damn.

[41:45] Kippy escapes and calls-

[41:46] Did you get that?

[41:47] Because that's from Poe.

[41:48] Yeah, it's from the Poe.

[41:49] Yeah, the conqueror worm.

[41:50] M.

[41:53] Anyway, Poe M is what I said.

[41:56] Kippy escapes.

[41:58] Yeah, we got it, Dan.

[41:59] We got it.

[42:00] Did you hear me laughing?

[42:01] It's not because I didn't get it.

[42:03] Did you hear me laughing?

[42:05] At your front door, baby.

[42:08] Kippy escapes and calls Rennie.

[42:09] Laugh, laugh, laughing at heaven's door.

[42:12] Oh, yeah, it's great.

[42:14] I'm so tired.

[42:16] Laugh to my window or whatever the song is.

[42:20] That's a great laugh medley.

[42:22] Kippy escapes and calls Rennie.

[42:24] Oh, no, if the movie were better,

[42:26] things would be cooking now.

[42:29] Rose calls Rennie.

[42:30] Reference is telling the Russians.

[42:32] Who are these Russians?

[42:33] We'll find out about the-

[42:34] The guy from Punisher, yeah.

[42:36] The incriminating info she left him to find.

[42:38] And Rennie's like, if you want your money,

[42:40] come to the mob headquarters.

[42:41] So she drives off leaving a valentine for Marvin

[42:44] that says, hiding ain't living,

[42:46] which is kind of a repeated mantra in the movie.

[42:50] Also, I would say for many people in difficult situations,

[42:52] hiding is living.

[42:53] Hiding is what keeps them alive.

[42:55] So I take it, it feels real entitled, this message.

[42:58] Yeah.

[43:00] Raven and Ashley show up at the house.

[43:02] There's a non-violent standoff,

[43:04] which is interrupted with a violent standoff

[43:06] when Otis and King also show up and shoot up the place.

[43:08] Which I would say is so Raven.

[43:11] That is so Raven.

[43:12] That is so Raven, yeah.

[43:13] Here's Otis and King.

[43:14] I did like one bit here when they're,

[43:17] the two thugs are there and they're about to fight

[43:21] and they go and pull the novelty,

[43:24] decorative, massive silverware off the wall

[43:27] to use as weapons.

[43:28] I thought that was pretty funny.

[43:29] That was fun.

[43:30] They do the thing here that happens a lot in action movies

[43:32] where two guys show up with automatic weapons

[43:35] and consistently shoot above everybody in the room.

[43:38] And it's like, just lower a little bit.

[43:40] There's a part where, I thought this was so funny,

[43:42] not on purpose, but that where one of the characters is,

[43:46] it's like, he's being shot at

[43:48] and then you see a shot of him just hiding behind something.

[43:52] And then the shot of the guy shooting the guns

[43:54] at that place.

[43:55] And it's like, so he stopped shooting for a second?

[43:57] So that the guy could,

[43:58] so that our hero could like go hide somewhere?

[44:00] The editing tries to hide the fact

[44:02] that he should be dead right now.

[44:05] I feel like, I guess what I'm saying is

[44:07] they haven't really built up the threat of King and Otis.

[44:09] They seem to be consistently not good at their job.

[44:12] Yes.

[44:14] But they raised the stakes here in a second.

[44:17] Well, they do.

[44:18] Maybe it's partly also because, I will say,

[44:19] if I'm an assassin and I'm trying to kill somebody,

[44:21] I would try to shoot them

[44:23] before I just shoot out a bunch of windows

[44:25] and then pick up the person and throw them across the room.

[44:27] There's a lot of throws, you know?

[44:29] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[44:30] If I was an assassin,

[44:31] I would just shoot them with a sniper rifle,

[44:32] but maybe I'm just built different.

[44:35] If I were an assassin, I'd be better at killing.

[44:37] Oh, I just always wonder in movies,

[44:39] when you have it like an Uzi or something,

[44:41] why you don't just spray all over the place?

[44:43] So you're bound to hit him at some point,

[44:45] as opposed to shooting in one direction the entire time

[44:48] and letting the person hide behind something.

[44:49] Or there's a later someone,

[44:50] it's one of those things

[44:51] where someone has a pump-action shotgun

[44:52] and someone else is hiding behind a rack of videos

[44:54] or something, and instead of going around the corner

[44:58] and then firing the gun,

[44:59] he's just walking while firing a pump-action shotgun

[45:01] at nothing, you know?

[45:03] And it's like, dude, you know you're not hitting anybody.

[45:05] You get all worked up, Elliot.

[45:06] I mean, you start racking that thing

[45:08] and you're like, hell yeah.

[45:09] But it's like, if you can't see them,

[45:11] you're not gonna hit them with your gun, you know?

[45:13] The bullet's not gonna,

[45:14] a shotgun bullet's not gonna ricochet off something

[45:16] and hit somebody.

[45:17] You might pin them in place

[45:18] and then that'll allow you to do a flanking maneuver,

[45:21] right, Dan?

[45:22] I guess so.

[45:23] Let me get back to the summary.

[45:25] The karate realtor-

[45:26] I'll give more assassin advice later in the show

[45:28] in my regular Caitlyn's Killer Corner.

[45:30] More like dead vice.

[45:33] More like dad vice.

[45:35] The karate realtor I mentioned way back at the beginning

[45:38] is showing a house nearby.

[45:39] He sees what's going on.

[45:40] He jumps in to help Marvin

[45:41] because he's an overconfident karate black belt.

[45:44] And honestly, he's really fun and goofy,

[45:46] so of course he gets shot through the head

[45:49] and there's a big hole in his head.

[45:50] They do a classic hard-boiled shot,

[45:52] hard-boiled Jeff Darrow-type shot.

[45:55] Another likable character getting too gruesomely killed

[45:58] for my tastes in this movie.

[46:00] And if it was like a dark comedy,

[46:01] like if it was really leaning into that,

[46:03] I wouldn't have a problem with it.

[46:04] But the tone is way wrong.

[46:10] It also is too bad

[46:11] because he, in those moments,

[46:12] is the funniest character in the movie.

[46:14] Yeah, he's really likable.

[46:15] Marvin and Raven fight off the goons

[46:17] while Marvin still tries to close the sale.

[46:19] And there's this scene where Marvin tells a couple,

[46:21] stay here until I come and find you.

[46:23] And they're never revisited,

[46:24] which makes me wonder if there was like a post-credit scene

[46:27] where they're still like waiting in the house

[46:29] that just got cut or something.

[46:30] That's possible, because they do just disappear.

[46:32] Yeah. Yeah.

[46:34] Or even just a scene.

[46:35] I mean, there might've been a wrap-up scene

[46:36] of those characters that was cut, you know.

[46:39] But they win their fight.

[46:41] Ashley stops Marvin from killing the raven,

[46:44] reminding him that he was once a killer, too,

[46:46] and that everyone can change.

[46:48] And somehow, that's what sends him after Rose.

[46:50] Even Rose is the one,

[46:51] even though Rose is the one who doesn't want him to change.

[46:54] So I don't understand that.

[46:56] I wonder if he feels like maybe I can have it all.

[46:58] Maybe I can be a realtor

[46:59] and be in love with this Harley Quinn-esque,

[47:02] you know, chaos assassin.

[47:04] And you know Harley Quinn.

[47:05] I know.

[47:06] And if anything, Harley Quinn, under my guidance,

[47:07] has reached a level of maturity

[47:09] that Raven does not have yet.

[47:10] Or not Raven, that-

[47:12] Rose.

[47:13] Which Rose does not have yet.

[47:15] Speaking of Rose-

[47:16] Raven's a better name for that character.

[47:18] I'm sorry.

[47:18] Rose should be called Raven.

[47:19] Raven should be called Wordsworth.

[47:21] Like, they should have different names.

[47:23] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[47:24] Rose tries to get her money from Rennie,

[47:26] but he's had the truth beaten from him by knuckles

[47:29] and goons surround her.

[47:31] Marvin shows up and Rose is like,

[47:33] I need all of you.

[47:34] So Marvin crushes his glasses to hulk out.

[47:36] But again, not really different from the rest of the movie.

[47:39] No, well, what's different here is it's set to

[47:41] my first, my last, my everything.

[47:43] In the same way as they did in Argyle,

[47:45] where I'm like, shut up, stop doing this.

[47:48] I'm tired of it.

[47:49] No more ironic songs to bloody fight scenes.

[47:51] No thank you.

[47:52] We've seen it.

[47:53] Yeah.

[47:55] They beat up the goons.

[47:56] Oh, you know what, what if she said,

[47:57] I need all of you.

[47:58] And then he fought while singing all of me.

[48:01] Why not take, why not kill all of me?

[48:04] Yeah, that'd be better.

[48:05] Yeah.

[48:06] Rose kills Rennie.

[48:07] There's a big fight between knuckles and Marvin

[48:09] where Marvin just barely wins

[48:10] and tries to walk away.

[48:12] But knuckles comes after with a bat

[48:14] and Rose shoots him in the shoulder

[48:15] and turns him over to the Russian mob,

[48:18] whose money it was really the whole time,

[48:19] less her finders fee.

[48:22] Everything's wrapped up.

[48:23] Did it bother you guys?

[48:24] They do the thing,

[48:25] I think they do in the John Wick movies, right?

[48:26] When there's a subtitle,

[48:27] when it's subtitling a foreign language,

[48:30] instead of having it along the bottom,

[48:31] it's like in big letters on the screen.

[48:33] That bother me?

[48:35] Yeah.

[48:36] I mean, I don't mind it.

[48:36] Why would it bother me?

[48:37] I don't know, because it bothers me

[48:38] and I'm trying to figure out why, you know?

[48:40] Okay.

[48:40] Yeah, no, I think it's okay.

[48:42] It's a style choice.

[48:43] Yeah, yeah.

[48:44] If it's just me being a stickler, that's okay.

[48:48] There's a brief Valentine's Day montage

[48:51] to tie everything up.

[48:53] Ashley and the Raven.

[48:53] Guys, did the ghost of Gary Marshall

[48:55] make this movie and what it is?

[48:55] Yeah, it feels like it.

[48:58] Ashley and the Raven are together.

[49:00] King and Otis, who got sliced up.

[49:01] And did you know that,

[49:02] you know Gary Marshall got a start

[49:05] as a fight choreographer, right?

[49:06] Yeah, he did.

[49:07] That's true, yeah.

[49:08] He choreographed the fights on happy days, yeah.

[49:10] King and Otis, who got sliced up so much,

[49:13] I presumed they were dead before,

[49:15] lie on the floor.

[49:16] They should be dead.

[49:17] Like, he's literally slicing their bellies and stuff

[49:19] and cutting their hamstrings.

[49:20] Like, they should have bled out.

[49:21] They should be dead, but.

[49:23] But no, they were too likable to die.

[49:25] Otis' wife texts him to reconcile.

[49:27] Only the most likable characters in the movie

[49:29] get gory on-screen deaths, yeah.

[49:33] Marvin pulls his shades down and looks at Rose

[49:36] while she's tending bar with a voiceover saying,

[49:38] as much as love hurts, it's totally worth it.

[49:41] And then credits roll.

[49:42] And it just feels like such an anti-climax.

[49:45] No, it isn't.

[49:46] I didn't know how to end this thing.

[49:47] Didn't know how to end it,

[49:48] or there was an ending and they changed it and cut it.

[49:50] Maybe there was a re-shot ending.

[49:51] I forgot entirely, this strip bar she's in

[49:55] that points up the double standard.

[49:56] It's like a roadhouse, yeah.

[49:57] Yeah, but it points up the double standard

[49:59] of American society.

[50:00] that we can see a bloody hole through the head of a recently murdered, likable character,

[50:05] but the strippers have to be wearing full, full butt covering panties and bras and

[50:10] just walk around slowly in their underpants, you know?

[50:14] Yes.

[50:17] I guess what I'm saying, Dan, is I like to see the human body celebrated rather than mangled.

[50:21] Yeah. Oh, wow. That's cool. Yeah. I do not recommend the Final Destination franchise.

[50:27] Okay. I go there with my wife. I've heard it's a real celebration of the human body.

[50:36] So love hurts. Is it time for final judgments, Dan?

[50:39] It is time for final judgments, whether it's a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie, or a movie

[50:44] you kind of liked. I'll say this is a bad, bad movie. I do

[50:51] enjoy seeing Ki-Hwi Kwon. He's good in it as much as you could make this work.

[51:00] There's some small sporting roles I enjoy. He has such a natural, likable charisma

[51:05] that makes you wish that he did not have that time in his career when he could not find the

[51:10] right roles for him, or when Hollywood was not offering him roles. It makes you wish that,

[51:14] yeah, that he was in a much better vehicle for his charisma than this,

[51:18] because he's a very charismatic performer. But it's obviously been cut to hell, and

[51:26] it just doesn't work. I think that some of the fixes that we've proposed would make it

[51:31] at least passable, but they didn't get our notes in time. They're getting them now,

[51:37] well after release. So I say it's bad, bad.

[51:39] They should have showed us the work print. Yeah.

[51:41] We're the Monday morning movie makers. I'm going to agree. I think it's a bad,

[51:45] bad movie. I'm not going to lay the blame at really any of the performers,

[51:51] but it does feel like there's some conceptual flaws in the basic choices made in the movie.

[51:59] The people that don't work as well in the movie, I think, are more miscast.

[52:04] Yeah, it's kind of a stinker. I am also going to call it a bad,

[52:08] bad movie. Yes, I'm not going to blame any of the performers. As I always do,

[52:11] I'm going to blame whoever was giving notes on the movie. But yeah, it's a movie that is,

[52:18] it's trying so hard to be a specific type of kind of like fun, violent, semi-romantic

[52:27] comedy that I feel like the 90s tried out over and over again and could never really get,

[52:33] rarely got the right balance of. And here they fail to get that balance too.

[52:36] But the whole time I was watching it, it was like, this felt like, I was like,

[52:40] I assume it's not, but it felt like a script that might've been kicking around

[52:43] since Pulp Fiction came out and then got gussied up with kind of like John Wick type.

[52:48] I mean, it doesn't help that it came out after Nobody, which does basically everything this

[52:53] movie does except for the tone better. And that it came out the same year as Hard Eyes,

[53:01] which is a slasher rom-com that again, plays with a non-traditional love story,

[53:10] but is actually successful. Yeah.

[53:13] But I just hope all these performers get that it's not taken as

[53:16] their problem and they do more and better stuff.

[53:22] After 400 episodes, the Maximum Film Universe is kicking off a brand new phase.

[53:33] We have got a brand new host, hilarious writer and comedian, Kevin Avery.

[53:38] Hey, that's me.

[53:39] Kevin's teaming up with me, film critic, Alonso Duraldi.

[53:42] And me, producer and film festival programmer, Drea Clark.

[53:45] Together, we're taking on summer blockbuster season by talking

[53:49] about some of the biggest movies in theaters.

[53:51] That makes this the perfect time to join the Maximum Film Gang.

[53:55] Reserve your Maximum Film ticket.

[53:57] Pre-order your Maximum Film custom popcorn bucket.

[54:00] We're trying to say it's a great time to start listening to the podcast.

[54:02] So jump back into the continuing adventures of Maximum Film every week on MaximumFun.org.

[54:11] Hey, do you have a favorite episode of Star Trek?

[54:15] If you do, you should also have a favorite Star Trek podcast.

[54:18] Greatest Trek is about all the new streaming Star Trek shows.

[54:21] And it's a great companion to The Greatest Generation,

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[54:27] It's a comedy podcast by two folks who used to be video producers.

[54:31] So it's a serious mix of comedy and insight that

[54:34] fits right into the Maximum Fun network of shows.

[54:36] And Greatest Trek is one of the most popular Star Trek podcasts in the world.

[54:40] So if you're following Lower Decks, Prodigy, or Strange New Worlds,

[54:44] come hang out with us every Friday as we roast and review our favorite Star Trek shows.

[54:49] It's on MaximumFun.org, YouTube, or your podcatching app.

[54:54] The Flophouse is sponsored by nobody this week.

[54:57] If you want to sponsor The Flophouse, no.

[54:59] So buy some ad time on The Flophouse.

[55:01] But I have some things to promote, so I'm going to talk about them.

[55:04] As it's the same stuff I'm always talking about.

[55:06] As you know, my new children's book, Sadie Mouse Wrecks the House.

[55:10] It's on store shelves now.

[55:11] Go pick it up.

[55:12] Kids love this book.

[55:13] I've been getting a lot of good feedback on it.

[55:15] It is hilarious.

[55:16] It's about a mouse who's tired of being the good kid and is going to do her chores bad.

[55:20] She never has to do them again.

[55:22] And she wrecks the house.

[55:24] Super fun.

[55:25] Kids will love it.

[55:26] Adults who are immature will also like it.

[55:28] Sadie Mouse Wrecks the House, in stores now.

[55:30] Go to your independent bookstore and buy it.

[55:32] Go to your comic book store and why not pick up Harley Quinn,

[55:35] coming out monthly from DC Comics, written by me.

[55:38] I've been writing it for a while now.

[55:40] I'm about to hand in the script for the issue that I think makes this

[55:43] the longest run I've ever done on a comic book.

[55:46] And right now, there's no end in sight.

[55:48] So please keep picking it up.

[55:50] Harley Quinn, story of everyone's favorite Harlequin, Harley Quinn.

[55:54] And she's having adventures.

[55:55] And the emphasis is just on having fun, being funny, doing adventures.

[55:59] And this is a long way in the future.

[56:01] But we are about five months away from the release of my book about joke writing,

[56:06] Joke Farming, from the University of Chicago Press.

[56:08] So I'm not going to mention it a lot until we get closer to the release,

[56:12] when I'm going to mention it a lot.

[56:13] But get ready for that.

[56:14] Mark your calendars.

[56:15] It's coming out in November, Joke Farming.

[56:17] And I think the subtitle is How to Write Comedy and Other Nonsense,

[56:21] or something like that.

[56:22] And it is, hopefully, the only joke writing manual that you will need,

[56:26] that will explain literally the mechanics of how a joke works and how I write them.

[56:31] Wow.

[56:32] Also, a week after this episode drops, I believe,

[56:36] is June 14th, which is the Brooklyn Pride Parade

[56:39] in Brooklyn, New York, along Fifth Avenue.

[56:42] And my bar, Commonwealth, is along that strip.

[56:46] And that whole area turns into a really huge party.

[56:48] And if you're looking for a place to pee and get a drink,

[56:52] you should check out Commonwealth.

[56:53] In that order?

[56:54] Or can we do it the other way around?

[56:55] Depends.

[56:56] It depends on how bad you have to go when you get there.

[56:59] And then five days after that is my birthday.

[57:02] So we've all got equally important plugs.

[57:06] So, Dan, when are you...

[57:07] Who's...

[57:07] You're inviting all the Flophouse listeners to come to your birthday party?

[57:10] Nope.

[57:12] If they can find it.

[57:14] They can't find it.

[57:15] So it's like the A-team.

[57:16] If you're a fan of Dan's and you can find him, celebrate his birthday.

[57:21] Hey, let's do some letters from listeners.

[57:24] Let's do it.

[57:25] Yeah, I feel like that's what people on the internet need,

[57:27] is more of an excuse to, like, try harder to find Dan.

[57:33] Well, he is the mole, right?

[57:35] He's running across the country and you've got to find him.

[57:37] How did that game show work?

[57:38] Yeah, that's how the show works, right, Dan?

[57:40] I'm thinking of myself as more of a Waldo.

[57:42] Oh, yeah.

[57:44] A great Waldo pepper?

[57:46] Pepper.

[57:48] What are my Sco...

[57:49] What's my Scoville rating?

[57:53] Hot, hot.

[57:55] This is from Mark, last name withheld.

[57:57] Who writes...

[57:58] Mark Gilliam, my dad.

[57:59] Mark Wellington, my dad?

[58:01] Wow, you both...

[58:03] Wow.

[58:04] That's why we were about to kill each other.

[58:06] And then we were fighting in an abandoned men's room.

[58:10] And then we realized our dad's got the same name.

[58:12] So we shouldn't...

[58:12] We should join forces to stop whoever the bad guy was in that movie.

[58:16] Mastermind, I think.

[58:20] I think it was Toyman.

[58:24] This is titled personal non-canon sequels.

[58:26] Hello from London.

[58:28] G'day.

[58:29] Love the flop.

[58:31] I have a query about personal non-canon sequels.

[58:34] Alas, another simple favor didn't recapture the magic of the first movie,

[58:38] despite the lead still having that chemistry.

[58:41] In an attempt to further the story,

[58:43] the movie took the characters into places that semi-ruined the joy of the first.

[58:47] So I've decided to remove the sequel from my headcanon

[58:50] so I can just enjoy a simple favor as originally intended.

[58:54] Do you have any sequels that you'd also like to remove from your existence?

[58:58] Thanks for reading.

[59:00] P.S. My simple favorite sequel would have adhered much more to a

[59:03] Silence of the Lambs-style plot structure,

[59:05] but with more martinis and fabulous outfits in replacement for cannibalism.

[59:10] I'm not sure how that would...

[59:11] I guess Anna Kendrick would have to visit Blake Lively in prison to capture someone else.

[59:16] Is that what the implication is?

[59:17] I assume so, yeah.

[59:18] But with...

[59:18] Yeah, and cannibalism would be in there?

[59:21] Yeah, I mean, speaking of sequels, I would remove Hannibal from...

[59:26] Oh, well, yeah, it's not good.

[59:29] Not the show.

[59:30] The TV show, Hannibal, of course, can't exist.

[59:34] But the movie kind of ruins, I think...

[59:38] Probably a weak spot of old Ridley Scott's career.

[59:42] I mean, I do this all the time.

[59:44] I'm like, you know, well, didn't like that one.

[59:47] Doesn't exist in my personal cosmology of these characters.

[59:51] Yeah, you're yelling at me about The Last Jedi, right?

[59:54] I love The Last Jedi.

[59:56] I don't...

[59:57] But like, this is why I don't...

[1:00:00] Actually, I mean like I get annoyed if like I was looking forward to a movie and it sucks as anyone might but I don't

[1:00:06] Get like angry the way people seem to like that ruined everything like well, you can just pretend it doesn't exist, man

[1:00:12] Well, the trick is as you get older and you develop a rich full life. You don't care as much

[1:00:18] Part of it. I think there's a if you feel like you have some sense of control over any element of your own life

[1:00:24] Then you feel you might feel less attached to the fictional lives of fictional characters

[1:00:28] But the yeah, I mean this one's it like as far as I'm concerned the Terminator series ends with Terminator 2 like

[1:00:36] Salvation is a very clear one for me. I really just like that and

[1:00:41] Part three does have that bit where Arnold like head slams

[1:00:47] Chris was Christiana Lachan into a toilet. That's kind of crazy

[1:00:52] that's a crazy-looking fight and I like the most recent one a bit the

[1:00:57] Terminator what's dark dark future dark fate, but like this doesn't exist sort of like it's like I don't know

[1:01:07] Whatever it's like something I like about the Godzilla series is that at a certain point they decided every movie we make is a

[1:01:15] sequel to the

[1:01:16] 1954 Godzilla and will disavow the previous sequels and they've done a number of sequels in a row where they're all they all

[1:01:23] Ignore every movie made previously including the one made most recently before that and there's like this is just how we're doing it

[1:01:29] It's just different stories about Godzilla

[1:01:31] we're not beholden to what happened in before because we don't want to have to process all that and it makes the character a

[1:01:37] Little more special because it means that the people in the movie series don't have a familiarity with with Godzilla the same way

[1:01:43] I would if there were literally 30 Godzilla adventures, you know that happened in in Canon real life, you know

[1:01:49] Yeah, it's like the first Godzilla is the like Big Bang moment and that all the movies are like spread out from that one

[1:01:56] Specific point all the other movies are the young Sheldon's that come after that Big Bang. Yeah. Yeah

[1:02:01] Yeah, thanks for putting in terms that I understand

[1:02:04] No problem

[1:02:04] but I remember like when I was younger like when alien 3 came out getting caught up in like how

[1:02:09] Disappointing it was to have all the characters have like the characters from aliens that we like to just be dead, you know

[1:02:14] No, I forget for me like a it ends with aliens and similarly like there's stuff I like and there's stuff

[1:02:21] I like in some of the other movies. Yeah, the stuff I like some of the other movies are

[1:02:25] Dubious

[1:02:28] There's some stuff I like except for Ron in the later

[1:02:32] Indiana Jones movies, but it basically it ends for me with last crusade like in terms of like taking it seriously

[1:02:39] It's like these are movies. I really like the part of the issue

[1:02:41] Is that is there's and I don't want to sound like a last Jedi

[1:02:45] Hating guy because this is the issue of some people have less Jedi is that when you do some of those much later sequels

[1:02:51] It's they fall on that easy structure of the hero is bitter and has to be brought back in and seeing Indiana Jones in that

[1:02:58] Most recent one being a bitter old man separated from his wife and hating his job

[1:03:03] It was just like I don't care if he is gonna have another adventure

[1:03:07] like this is a this is a depressing way to think this character is gonna Asia as opposed to Luke Skywalker unless Jedi where I'm

[1:03:13] like, I I do like the idea of a hero who who has

[1:03:17] That's on such an operatic level the Star Wars movies that if he is a tragic figure who has failed his own principles

[1:03:23] Then I'm like, oh, well, that's a meaty thing. Whereas Indiana Jones does not operate on that level for me

[1:03:28] So to see him is just like yeah

[1:03:29] He was an adventure and now he hates every aspect of his life and he's just an ang. He's just a bitter old man

[1:03:34] It's like now. Well, that's that's disappointing. Maybe I'm just a sad person, but I liked the most recent one

[1:03:39] I do that. I had more of a problem with

[1:03:42] Crystal skull even though there's a couple things in there

[1:03:44] I like where it's I feel like it has a lot of the same problems, but also a lot of other extra problems

[1:03:50] I mean dial of dial a dial a time or whatever is

[1:03:53] I haven't even seen that one. Should I see that one? It's I think it's good. It's fine

[1:03:56] It's better than Crystal Skull, but it's a movie that I will say I liked it

[1:03:59] I didn't like it at the beginning. It's not back. It's not back. I liked it pointedly not I liked it more

[1:04:06] I mean it would have won me over show you the bar. They show you the grave

[1:04:11] It's like a shrine to my in it just like oh, yeah

[1:04:14] He was killed when he tried to ride a motorcycle into a train or something like that

[1:04:16] Yeah, but that the I like that movie as it went on because it got sillier and sillier or got bigger and bigger, you know

[1:04:22] Okay

[1:04:24] We got one more question from the listeners from John last name withheld

[1:04:28] Subject is salacious crumb. Oh, yeah, one of my favorite subjects

[1:04:34] Message body is he a pet or a friend? Thanks. He is an employee. He is both a pet and an employee

[1:04:40] He's not a friend a job that has no real friends when you're that rich and that powerful and that and that dangerous

[1:04:45] You don't have real friends. You only have people who are afraid of you or want to use you that's fucked up Elliot

[1:04:50] So you're saying when salacious crumb is like loving it and laughing his ass off. He's

[1:04:55] Performing that way. He's not doing that out of actual joy. Here's the great thing about salacious crumb

[1:05:00] He loves his work. So that is the real joy

[1:05:03] Luckily, he found the job that was right for him, which is as a pet who enjoys seeing his owner

[1:05:09] Throw people to the rank or pitch

[1:05:12] Torment droids. Yes, that's a genuine laugh

[1:05:15] the same way that when I am working and I'm in the writers room and we're genuinely coming up with really fun ideas and

[1:05:19] Enjoying it and I laugh heartily. It's like man

[1:05:22] I'm this is what a great conjunction of work and also what I what what gives me pleasure and

[1:05:27] Salacious crumb lives the dream of having that every single day until the barge explodes and he dies in a fireball

[1:05:33] Yeah, I heard those complaints that in the writers room

[1:05:35] You're always laughing like salacious crumb and they're like, it's kind of off-putting. They would be so lucky if I laugh like

[1:05:42] Wonderful I should do that on Monday. Yeah

[1:05:45] Mm-hmm

[1:05:46] But yes, he's an employee pet, but he's a hype man, right? Like he's yes. Yeah

[1:05:52] He's definitely like a hype man when when when Kendrick Lamar goes mustard and mustard comes out

[1:05:56] That's what job of the how would you go salacious and then salacious come as the same relationship? Yeah

[1:06:01] Relationship and I'm my blacklight poster

[1:06:04] Salacious crumb would be Morty and Jabba would be Rick

[1:06:08] Right

[1:06:13] Sure, we have to stop relating everything to your blacklight posters, okay

[1:06:18] Everything in the world can be

[1:06:21] We were talking about Secretary of State Marco Rubio and Stewart's like but who is he on my black?

[1:06:25] Yeah, is he the the unicorn that's flying throughout our space or is he the world snake that's devouring it?

[1:06:32] Is he the butterfly winged tiger that the Barbarian Queen is riding? Uh-huh

[1:06:36] Man

[1:06:38] Let us now let's go then you and I

[1:06:44] Take my hand to

[1:06:46] Recommendation will make it I swear

[1:06:49] movies that we saw

[1:06:51] That we enjoyed perhaps a little bit more than love hurts

[1:06:55] So much that we would go so far as to say you might enjoy them as well. And I saw on

[1:07:01] On Hulu. I just watched summer of 69 which

[1:07:06] You thought it was something different from that from the number in the title. Well, actually it means that in the in the movie

[1:07:11] They're referring to that

[1:07:13] so, you know think this could just be like

[1:07:16] Hulu slop, you know, like you I

[1:07:20] Drop some who's I don't know just like I love the idea that in our world the phrase Hulu slop means something and it's not

[1:07:26] Just like a funk performer from the 70s

[1:07:30] You know

[1:07:31] The cut you don't hear much from Hulu slop

[1:07:33] Yeah, I feel like for the most part the Hulu like direct to Hulu stuff is at least a step above Netflix

[1:07:40] Maybe I'm maybe I'm I think that's probably true, but there is like a time. I think you're right like yeah

[1:07:47] Baseline glossy, but it's not it's not even like this. I

[1:07:53] Feel like in the old days you would find gyms and direct-to-video or direct-to-streaming stuff

[1:08:00] but the idea was mostly like oh

[1:08:03] This fell short of what could be theatrical and so it ended up here. Whereas now

[1:08:10] Like the bar has been lowered a lot of the time and now it's just like well

[1:08:14] This is something you can kind of pay attention to wasn't like wasn't like George a recent Hulu

[1:08:20] I think well, I mean it was in theaters. Oh, I don't know whether it was I don't know. I don't I don't know

[1:08:27] The deals the deals were structured but anyway summer of 69 has a Chloe Feynman from

[1:08:35] Saturday Night Live and it has the main character. I choose also in megalopolis, Dan. Sure

[1:08:42] The main characters played by thank you for correcting this

[1:08:46] Sam Morelos, I don't know if I'm saying the last name correctly, but she was apparently

[1:08:51] 90 show yeah, yeah, but she was terrific in this like they were both really good

[1:08:56] It's a I like Sam Morelos a lot. Yeah, I think she's a I think she's a funny performer

[1:09:01] This is like a you know a teenage

[1:09:03] sex comedy the idea is that the Sam Morelos character has this

[1:09:09] crush she

[1:09:11] Here's a rumor that her crush is really into 69

[1:09:16] she is a she is a

[1:09:18] Nerd she knows nothing of sex like sure like she can't it's like goes beyond like just something that she could Google

[1:09:24] She like wants to feel confident. So she employs

[1:09:27] Chloe Feynman's a stripper character to like sort of teach her

[1:09:32] this sort of thing but

[1:09:34] This is a very broad setup

[1:09:36] but what I liked about this movie is like once this broad sort of sex comedy setup happens it then turns into

[1:09:42] kind of a sweet odd couple friendship comedy between the two of them and one that feels realistic where

[1:09:49] Feynman's character is sort of

[1:09:52] prickly and mean to this nerd kid through a lot of it rather than being like just

[1:09:57] Just having a heart of gold and she's got her own

[1:10:00] concerned. She wants like the money that this kid is offering for her own reasons so that

[1:10:04] she can learn how to 69. She wants to buy the strip club. So she's a businesswoman.

[1:10:12] And and there's a warmth there like and the teenager character is nerdy in a specific

[1:10:20] way rather than sort of just being an off the shelf like wallflower. I thought it was

[1:10:25] really kind of warm and and weirdly realistic for such a broad setup ultimately in a way

[1:10:33] that I enjoyed. So that's what I saw recently that I liked.

[1:10:37] I'm going to recommend a little crime movie that came out last year called The Order stars

[1:10:45] Jude Law. You got some Ty Sheridan. You got some Nicholas Holt. And it's based on I guess

[1:10:51] based loosely on a true story about the FBI being interested in a series of robberies

[1:10:59] and those turn out to be linked to a white supremacist cult organization led by Nicholas

[1:11:05] Holt which I think is kind of fun casting because he's old. You know he's a little baby

[1:11:09] face and a little old baby. He's neither little nor old.

[1:11:18] The movie I think has some really good tense moments. And I yeah I think it's like a solid

[1:11:25] little crime thriller. And it's also I think this flavor of Jude Law where he's like kind

[1:11:31] of older and grizzled. That might be my new favorite Jude Law flavor guys. He's got a

[1:11:36] mustache. The new Jude Law flavor. You got to try it. Yeah. I'm tired of cookies and

[1:11:42] Jude. That was the old flavor. No thanks. Yeah. So yeah if you're looking for like a

[1:11:48] tight little a little crime thriller that is what's set in the 70s I think so you get

[1:11:53] some really cool outfits. Check it out. I'm going to recommend a documentary or rather

[1:11:58] a documentary series. It is neither tight nor little. It is a two part documentary series

[1:12:03] that was just recently released on the last dance. I will be blown away. No I do want

[1:12:09] to see the last. I've heard it's great. This was it's on Max which is soon to be called

[1:12:12] HBO Max because renaming it Max was dumb. But this is the two part series Pee Wee as

[1:12:18] himself the documentary. Yeah I've been looking forward to watch that. About Paul Rubens.

[1:12:23] It's really good and it's really there's a I mean I've been a fan of Pee Wee Herman and

[1:12:29] Paul Rubens since I was a kid. And he's always seemed to be one of those figures where it's

[1:12:32] like it's hard to imagine him as a real person because he's so associated with the Pee Wee

[1:12:36] character. And there was something very illuminating to me about seeing him on camera really as

[1:12:43] himself and being you know you'll read about your reading of a documentary built about

[1:12:48] like he's combative with the director and stuff like that. He's very like prickly at

[1:12:52] times but in a way that is intriguing and not and that reveals more about himself in

[1:12:58] some ways and just seeing learning his full story of like where he came from and how he

[1:13:04] developed that character and how he developed as a as an artist and a performer was really

[1:13:08] fantastic and fascinating. And I got to see what Gary Panter looks like now. Oh wow. As

[1:13:14] they interview him a little bit. Does he look like one of his drawings? That's how I imagine.

[1:13:19] No he doesn't look like one of his drawings. But I thought it was really good. And a friend

[1:13:26] of the podcast Jesse Thorne who worked with Paul Rubens on an audio project at one point

[1:13:30] he said that it really felt like it gave the idea of what it's like to be around Paul

[1:13:34] Rubens and like working with him. And so that really fit his experience. So I really recommend

[1:13:39] I think it's great. There's this just a phenomenal amount of archival footage of him as a young

[1:13:45] performer which was really fantastic. Yeah. Fascinating. So Pee Wee as himself I recommend.

[1:13:50] Well guys that's it. Another one for the books. I really enjoyed this. I've been alone in

[1:13:56] the house for two days. So this I really needed to hang out with you guys. Yeah. Thank

[1:14:03] you for being here. And thank you listeners for being wherever you are on the other end

[1:14:08] of these radio waves these podcast waves. I don't know how podcasts work. No I don't.

[1:14:14] Is it elves? Yeah. It's little elves that jump in your ear and whisper what we're saying

[1:14:19] in our faces. They slide down on Moomakil's trunk and delivers a podcast to you. Thank

[1:14:26] you to our producer Alex Smith. He goes by the name HowlDotty all over the Internet.

[1:14:31] You can listen to his music. He does Twitch streams. He does a lot of stuff. Thank you

[1:14:36] to Maximum Fun. If you go to MaximumFun.org you can listen to all kinds of great podcasts.

[1:14:44] I was going to say a lot and then I realized the vowel sounds I was making were not going

[1:14:50] to fit into where I was going. So interesting. But if you enjoy this podcast you'll probably

[1:14:56] like one of the other ones. Why don't you give him a shot. But anyway for the flop house

[1:15:00] I've been Dan McCoy. Yeah I've been Stuart Wellington partner. And I'm still Elliot Kaelin.

[1:15:08] I just I'm just I'm just can't read. I don't know how to react. No. I'm a new guy there

[1:15:14] partner. I can't wait to find out who Stuart is next time. I'm Elliot Kaelin for now though.

[1:15:20] Bye.

[1:15:29] On this episode we discuss love hurts. Does it ever. Wait no I got a better one.

[1:15:38] Too real.

[1:15:44] Maximum Fun. A worker owned network of artists owned shows supported directly by you.

Ep. #453 - Love Hurts

Transcript

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