FH Mini 129 - When Animals Compete

[0:00] Hey, everybody, this is Stuart Wellington of the Flophouse podcast, and I'm here to welcome

Stuart Wellington

[0:09] you to another Flophouse mini.

[0:11] Now, the Flophouse is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and talk about it, but on the

[0:14] mini episodes, we do other stuff.

[0:17] But before I get into what we're going to be talking about today, let's introduce the

[0:20] hosts.

[0:21] I'm one of them.

[0:22] My name's Stuart Wellington, and joining me are...

[0:24] Another of them, Dan McCoy.

[0:26] And the third and final of them, Elliot Kalin.

[0:28] Mm-hmm.

[0:29] Absolute final.

[0:31] So, guys...

[0:31] After me, the deluge.

[0:33] The omega.

[0:34] Yeah.

[0:35] So, guys, inspired by a recent Flophouse movie, Better Man, I thought it would be fun for

[0:42] us to explore some of our favorite animals of moviedom.

[0:46] Okay.

[0:47] See, animals are a huge part of movies.

[0:49] Animal characters, animal performers.

[0:51] Once a whole animal house.

[0:53] Once an entire house made of animals.

[0:55] Yeah.

[0:56] So, we're not going to be talking about...

[0:58] Would that movie be if it was about a house made out of animals?

[1:00] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00] But, I mean, like, the building authority.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02] It's Dan's favorite comedy, Elliot.

[1:03] Why don't you...

Dan McCoy

[1:04] Find people for that one.

[1:06] Not a good way to...

Elliott Kalan

[1:07] Animal House is...

[1:08] I mean, I'm sure people will disagree with me in some ways about this.

[1:11] Animal House, for me, has always been right up there with Caddyshack.

[1:13] One of these movies where everyone's like, isn't this the funniest movie of all time?

[1:16] And I'm like, I just don't like it.

[1:17] It's just not for me.

Dan McCoy

[1:19] So, there's a lot in it that, like, I have come to realize the problems of.

[1:25] But when I first saw it, I found it a lot funnier than Caddyshack.

[1:29] I will make a mild argument that I think that the people who are assholes in Animal House, aka everyone, basically, like, we're not supposed to necessarily think that the slob house is any better than the snob house.

Elliott Kalan

[1:43] No, I mean, it's called Animal House because they're acting like animals.

[1:45] Like, they're not...

[1:46] Yeah, it's not a...

Dan McCoy

[1:47] But, yeah, there's also stuff in it that did not age.

[1:52] Anyway.

[1:52] Oh, sorry.

[1:53] Are we interrupting a mini or something, Stuart?

[1:55] No, no, no.

[1:56] I want to talk about Animal House.

Stuart Wellington

[1:58] No, please.

[1:59] Interrupt away.

[1:59] That's what the Flop House is.

[2:01] A digression engine.

[2:04] So, what we're doing...

[2:05] That sounds like a good either science fiction action movie or spy movie digression engine.

[2:11] So, we're going to be talking about different animal characters from filmdom.

[2:17] I've broken them down into general categories.

[2:20] Okay.

[2:20] And what I'm going to do is present a category, and I'm going to list some famous examples of them.

[2:25] And then we're each going to take time explaining who our favorite, what our favorite, what we think the best is, the perfect, whatever.

[2:33] We're going to make a case for it, okay?

[2:34] We're going to argue, okay?

[2:36] Let's do it.

[2:36] There's six categories, so we're going to do the first category.

[2:41] And obviously, if I don't list your favorite, you can go off my...

[2:45] You don't have to use my recommendation.

[2:46] Oh, we can go off menu.

[2:47] Okay, great.

[2:48] We can go off menu.

[2:49] We're going to start with the biggest one, okay?

[2:52] This is arguably...

[2:54] The blue whale.

[2:54] You're going to start with the hot one.

[2:55] We are starting with the canine category.

[2:59] That's right.

[2:59] Movie dogs.

Elliott Kalan

[3:00] You mean biggest, like most popular?

Stuart Wellington

[3:02] Yeah, most popular.

[3:02] Because there are bigger animals, yeah.

[3:04] Except for Clifford, I guess.

[3:06] Yep, except for Clifford.

[3:07] Oh, I should have written Clifford down.

[3:09] You're off menu.

[3:10] Not Martin Short.

[3:12] Okay.

[3:13] Martin Short's not a dog.

[3:14] Not a dog, no.

[3:16] Okay, so that...

[3:17] Some perfect examples.

[3:18] Perfect examples are Air Bud, Beethoven from the Beethoven franchise.

[3:23] Oh, not Beethoven from Immortal Beloved.

Elliott Kalan

[3:26] Okay, yeah.

[3:26] No.

[3:27] Toto.

Stuart Wellington

[3:29] Not the band.

[3:30] No, not the band.

[3:31] I know.

[3:31] I saw you jumping at it.

[3:33] Yeah, I just was like from the Dune soundtrack?

[3:35] Oh, okay.

[3:36] Marley from Marley and Me.

[3:38] Mm-hmm.

[3:39] Lassie.

[3:40] Hooch from Turner and Hooch.

Dan McCoy

[3:42] You had Hooch just on there.

[3:43] I was like, this motherfucker doesn't get that Hooch.

Stuart Wellington

[3:45] Yep, and though this isn't the name of the character,

[3:48] I'm going to say that dog that was in both Widows and Game Night.

[3:51] That was a good year for that one dog.

[3:53] That little, like, white, fluffy dog

[3:55] that played Jesse Plummons and Viola Davis' dog.

[3:58] Yeah.

[3:58] You know what I'm talking about?

[3:59] That was like that one year when Helen Hunt was in every movie,

[4:02] but for that dog.

[4:03] Yeah, that dog was in every movie.

[4:04] Yeah.

[4:05] Do you know what I remember, Dan?

[4:07] The one that Jason Bateman bleeds all over

[4:09] and Brian Tyree Henry threatens.

Dan McCoy

[4:10] I mean, in my head, I'm seeing a dog now,

[4:13] but it's maybe just because you described a type of dog,

[4:16] and now I'm plugging that into an invented memory of Game Night.

Elliott Kalan

[4:20] So it's weird, Dan, that then you would say that it was your favorite dog,

[4:23] since you don't really remember it at all.

[4:24] No.

Stuart Wellington

[4:25] Okay, so do you guys have any favorites of these dogs that I've listed?

[4:28] Who's the ultimate dog?

Dan McCoy

[4:29] Speaking of professional dogs,

[4:32] I am fond of the dog whose real name in real life is Mushroom,

[4:37] who played the dog in both Gremlins and Pumpkinhead.

[4:41] Yeah.

[4:42] Awesome.

[4:43] A top dog actor.

[4:46] Not top dog.

[4:47] Nope.

[4:47] It's a different dog.

[4:49] But one of the top dogs.

Elliott Kalan

[4:50] Do you have a favorite dog character, Elliot?

[4:52] Favorite dog character, yes,

[4:53] because multiple dogs played this dog,

[4:55] but in the Thin Man movies, of course,

[4:56] there's Asta, the wire-haired terrier, I believe,

[4:59] who is a member of the family.

[5:01] He has a couple of fun.

[5:02] He's one of the few dogs who does comedy reactions to things

[5:05] that I actually find funny,

[5:07] especially at the very end when he covers his eyes

[5:09] when Myrna Loy and William Powell are just banging on that train.

[5:13] Yeah.

[5:13] You know, I love that dog.

[5:15] So that's a great dog.

[5:15] I mean, and some of that sure is residual love for that movie,

[5:18] The Thin Man.

[5:19] But, you know, it's one of those things where it's like,

[5:21] if this is the dog that's cool enough to be in The Thin Man,

[5:23] this is a cool dog.

[5:24] You know, you know it.

[5:25] So, but he's a great dog.

Stuart Wellington

[5:26] Yeah, it's a cool dog.

[5:27] I mean, I'm going to say, like, it's really hard to top Air Bud.

[5:29] I mean, that's a dog that plays basketball and other sports, guys.

[5:32] I don't know.

[5:32] It's a pretty impressive dog.

Elliott Kalan

[5:34] I feel like setting the precedent that if it's not explicitly spelled out

[5:38] in the rulebook, then anything goes.

[5:40] I think has had negative effects on the country ever since Air Bud.

[5:43] Yeah.

[5:44] And that's not Air Bud's fault.

[5:45] Obviously, he didn't intend that.

[5:46] But it's hard for me not to look at the domino effect of the Air Bud series.

Stuart Wellington

[5:50] Yeah.

[5:50] So, you're saying there's something about seeing a dog winning that much.

[5:55] No.

[5:55] Has caused some negative, has caused some toxicity amongst a certain type of person

[6:00] who might be foiled by a dog like that.

[6:03] I think.

[6:03] Exactly.

[6:04] Yes, exactly.

Dan McCoy

[6:04] I think I am saying that Air Bud is a stress test for sports and then as an extension,

[6:10] American democracy.

Elliott Kalan

[6:11] I'm saying if the sports referee system cannot keep an animal out of a human sport, and I'm

[6:16] not saying all humans should be able to play sports.

[6:18] I have no problem with different kinds of humans playing sports.

[6:20] But the idea of, let's say, a dog or a muskrat or an alligator or – I mean, then you get

[6:26] the TV show Man vs. Beast where you have people in a tug of war with, I think, an elephant.

[6:31] That's not fair.

[6:32] Elephants are enormous.

[6:33] It's true.

[6:34] And eventually you get to the point where anything goes and we're in a war of all against

[6:38] all.

[6:38] And the basic idea of a community has – fabric has disintegrated.

Dan McCoy

[6:42] In one of my previous newsletters, I did a comic where there's like a hawk taking off

[6:49] Air Bud, like stealing Air Bud from the court.

[6:52] And it said nothing in a rule book said that a hawk can't take the – I forget what the

[6:57] wording was.

[6:58] But it was like the problem with the Air Bud doctrine is that it leads to this kind of

[7:02] escalation.

Elliott Kalan

[7:05] There's literally nothing in the basketball rule book that says you cannot garrote the

[7:08] players of the opposing team because they felt they didn't need to put that in there.

[7:12] But it's not in the rule book.

[7:14] It's just a norm is the problem.

[7:15] Get your garroting wire.

[7:16] Yeah, exactly.

Dan McCoy

[7:16] Yeah, just put norm out there.

[7:19] Just put norm from Cheers on the field.

[7:22] There's nothing in the rule book that says that norm can't take over.

Elliott Kalan

[7:25] It's an all-norm team.

[7:26] Norm from Cheers, that gnome named gnorm.

Stuart Wellington

[7:29] Other norms?

[7:30] Do you have any other norms to name or only those?

Elliott Kalan

[7:32] I think there's a superhero called Normal Man.

[7:34] You know, that could be norm.

[7:36] I don't have any other norms.

Stuart Wellington

[7:37] No, I do like – I listed Beethoven from the Beethoven franchise.

[7:41] I have to say I'm a big fan of Charles Grodin getting a fat paycheck.

[7:47] That's not the dog.

[7:49] Yeah, the dog didn't make that decision.

Elliott Kalan

[7:50] Did you guys ever see Marley and Me?

[7:51] And also, if you want Charles Grodin to get a fat paycheck, then maybe Clifford with

[7:55] Martin Short is the Clifford you should have on that list.

[7:57] Yeah, yeah.

[7:57] I didn't see Marley and Me because –

[7:59] Huge financial windfall for him.

Dan McCoy

[8:02] To me that – so there's a genre of movie that I think we could call sort of dog tear

[8:09] jerker.

[8:10] Yeah, sure.

[8:10] Where like it's clear that –

Stuart Wellington

[8:11] Life of a dog, yeah.

[8:12] The dog's going to die at some point.

[8:13] So I shouldn't just shorten it to dog jerker, right?

[8:15] No.

[8:16] No.

[8:17] It's a different job.

[8:19] That's a job?

[8:20] Yeah.

[8:21] For some people.

[8:22] I mean, if you love what you do, it's a lot of work.

Elliott Kalan

[8:25] You don't work a day in your life.

[8:26] But you do jerk a day in your life.

[8:28] Yeah.

[8:28] So, Dan, continue.

Dan McCoy

[8:29] But I'm not necessarily seeking out a movie where it's just like I know I'm going to be

[8:34] sad because this dog is going to die at some point.

[8:36] Like now I said –

[8:37] Spoiler.

[8:38] You're not a freak.

[8:39] Spoiler.

[8:39] You're not a sicko.

[8:40] Spoiler.

[8:40] Skip ahead if you don't want a spoiler for a random movie that you won't know what it

[8:45] is until I say.

[8:45] Ransom with Mel Gibson where a dog does get shot.

[8:47] Yes.

[8:47] But, you know, I was excited to see Hooch on me.

[8:49] Oh, no, I'm sorry.

Elliott Kalan

[8:49] It was not – what's the one with Mel Gibson where he's – where it's the remake of Point

[8:53] Blake?

[8:53] Parker?

Dan McCoy

[8:54] Oh, no.

[8:55] Payback is what you're –

[8:56] Payback.

Dan McCoy

[8:56] That's the thing.

[8:57] Yeah, that's the Parker one.

[8:58] Yeah.

[8:58] Yeah, yeah.

[8:58] Payback.

[8:59] That's what I'm thinking.

[8:59] I was excited to see Hooch on that list.

[9:01] Hooch does get killed saving Tom Hanks at the end of Turner and Hooch.

Stuart Wellington

[9:05] I mean, if a dog is going to save a human being, I feel like Tom Hanks is not the worst.

Elliott Kalan

[9:09] Well, it's like Asimov's Three Rules of Rodogix that a dog has to protect itself, but a dog has to – a dog cannot

[9:17] not allow a human to come to harm.

[9:19] A dog must obey all orders unless it conflicts with rule number one of Rodogix.

[9:24] And a dog must protect himself unless it conflicts with the previous two rules.

[9:27] That's Isaac as a dog's Rules of Rodogix.

Stuart Wellington

[9:30] That's from iDog – dog – dog – dog – dog.

Dan McCoy

[9:33] I don't know why you have to –

[9:36] But, like, I didn't walk into that movie thinking, like, oh, this dog's going to bite it at the end.

[9:42] It'll just look like a fun movie about a dog cop.

Elliott Kalan

[9:45] You thought it was just a fun movie about a dog that drinks beer.

[9:47] Yeah.

[9:48] Party dog.

[9:49] Party dog.

Dan McCoy

[9:49] It's Spuzz McKenzie.

Elliott Kalan

[9:51] Before anybody makes a suggestion –

[9:51] Oh, Dan, I've got some bad news about Spuzz McKenzie.

[9:53] What?

[9:54] Died in a tragic surfing accident.

[9:56] Really?

[9:56] Yeah, yeah.

[9:58] Was it tragic or kind of funny?

[10:00] No, you're right.

[10:00] It was one of those surfing accidents where a dog dies, but it's funny, Stuart.

[10:03] Yeah, you're right.

Stuart Wellington

[10:07] Okay, so these are some strong arguments.

[10:09] Anybody have some final statements here?

Elliott Kalan

[10:12] I will say, Stuart, if I was sticking to the menu you provided, Beethoven would have been my choice as well.

Stuart Wellington

[10:16] Beethoven's pretty good.

[10:17] He slobbers like crazy, right?

Elliott Kalan

[10:20] He's a big, slobbery dog.

[10:21] If I'm watching a movie, I'd rather see a big, slobbery dog than a little yappy dog.

Stuart Wellington

[10:26] Yeah, that's why I didn't put Beverly Hills Chihuahua on this list because I felt like it was a real outlier and I'd be surprised if anyone made the case.

Dan McCoy

[10:33] I mean, the thing about Mushroom in Gremlins, I can't remember the actual character's name, but –

[10:41] Kate?

Stuart Wellington

[10:43] Billy?

[10:44] It's BB Cates.

[10:45] Mr. Ferman?

[10:47] Stripe?

Dan McCoy

[10:48] But, you know, Dante always talks about how like –

[10:51] Dante the Poet?

[10:52] Yes, Dante the Poet, Al.

[10:55] Joe Dante always talks about how great that dog is because it reacted to the Gremlins and to the Mogwai as if they were actual animals.

[11:04] He's great.

[11:05] That dog is great in that movie.

[11:06] Yeah.

[11:07] Reactions.

Stuart Wellington

[11:08] Now, I didn't – I actually didn't put any animated dogs in those lists.

[11:12] Are there any animated dogs that might have a chance at the crown?

Dan McCoy

[11:15] There's all of the ones that go to heaven.

Stuart Wellington

[11:17] That's true.

[11:18] Yeah, yeah.

[11:18] Balto, yeah.

[11:20] Yeah, Balto certainly went to heaven.

[11:21] Yeah, after what he did.

Elliott Kalan

[11:23] That's a good dog.

[11:24] Wow.

[11:25] There's Nanny from Peter Pan, right?

[11:27] Yep.

[11:27] Which, as a kid, I always was confused about whether that dog was actually their nanny or not.

[11:32] Had a job, yeah.

[11:32] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[11:33] There's the tramp and also lady and also that –

[11:37] Oh, the star is that Scottish dog that dies now.

[11:39] The wiser dog in the prison who sings about fucking tramp.

[11:44] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[11:46] I feel like we've made a strong case for some of these dogs.

[11:49] Obviously, listeners, if you take issue with any of these rankings, feel free to, I don't know, comment on our social media posts.

[11:55] Yeah, write in.

[11:56] Write in.

[11:56] Give us a nice review.

Dan McCoy

[11:58] Yeah, please give us a nice review.

Stuart Wellington

[12:00] So, we're on to our next category.

[12:01] This is the equine category.

[12:04] Horses, baby.

[12:05] Movie horses.

[12:06] Here's some examples.

Elliott Kalan

[12:06] If there's any other animal that people feel a connection to besides dogs, it is horses.

[12:11] Horses.

Stuart Wellington

[12:12] Okay.

[12:12] So, we have Artex from NeverEnding Story.

[12:16] Seabiscuit.

[12:17] I think I know somebody is a fan.

[12:20] Secretariat.

[12:22] Spirit, the stallion of the Cimarron.

[12:25] Hidalgo.

[12:26] And Shadowfax.

Dan McCoy

[12:29] Wait, wait.

[12:29] I recognize that name, but where's Shadowfax from?

[12:32] I don't remember.

Stuart Wellington

[12:33] Oh, it's the steed of one Gandalf the White.

[12:36] Oh, okay.

[12:37] Oh, okay.

[12:38] So, not a major character.

Dan McCoy

[12:39] That's the –

[12:39] What?

[12:40] Why does that horse get special private place?

Elliott Kalan

[12:44] Because it's dope as hell, dude.

[12:45] Because the steward is the one running the mini.

[12:47] That's why.

Dan McCoy

[12:48] But there's other horses, though.

[12:49] Like, why is that the only one that –

Stuart Wellington

[12:51] The great thing is that now it's your turn to make a case for a different horse.

[12:55] Are you going to say trigger?

Dan McCoy

[12:58] I don't –

[12:58] I mean, like, I don't –

Stuart Wellington

[12:59] Do you have a personal favorite horse?

[13:01] Yeah, what's your favorite horse, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[13:02] Even though Seeper Skit is the world's most popular horse.

Elliott Kalan

[13:07] And what does he sound like, Dan, if he was here?

Dan McCoy

[13:09] Well, hey, it's me.

[13:10] Seeper Skit.

[13:11] I just stopped by.

[13:12] I heard people talking my name, but I got to go.

Elliott Kalan

[13:15] That horse moves so fast, he never sticks around.

[13:18] He never sticks around.

[13:19] That's the thing.

[13:19] He's so fast.

[13:19] I was going to say Artex, Stuart.

[13:21] That was the thing.

[13:22] Like, that horse is –

[13:23] Movie.

[13:24] That's the soul of that movie until he, you know, sinks into the despair swamp or whatever.

Stuart Wellington

[13:28] Spoilers, yeah.

[13:28] Yeah, spoiler.

[13:29] He just gives up, you know?

[13:31] He just gives up.

[13:31] That's what's so sad about it because he's so full of spirit.

[13:34] He's the spirit of the Cimarron, you know?

[13:36] Yeah, what a crusher of a moment in a kid's movie, right?

[13:39] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[13:39] There's that war horse.

[13:41] People like that.

[13:42] Yeah, you like war horse?

[13:43] I didn't see it.

Elliott Kalan

[13:45] Now, does the strider that they ride in the Dark Crystal count as a horse –

[13:49] It's not technically a horse, but they ride it like a horse.

Stuart Wellington

[13:51] I mean, that's pretty cool.

[13:52] That's a cool argument.

[13:54] Do we want to – do you want to allow it, Dan?

[13:57] What?

[13:58] Sorry.

[13:58] I was just looking at horses.

[13:59] Are you trying to list the leads from the movie Thoroughbreds?

[14:05] Is a Pegasus a horse?

[14:08] We'll call it a horse, yeah, sure.

[14:09] Yeah, sure.

Dan McCoy

[14:10] Because I like that horse from – what do you call it?

[14:14] The Clash of the Titans.

[14:14] Percy Jackson?

Stuart Wellington

[14:15] Oh, Clash of the Titans.

Dan McCoy

[14:16] Yeah.

[14:16] That makes sense.

Stuart Wellington

[14:17] From the TriStar logo?

[14:18] That one.

[14:19] I mean, that's a pretty popular horse.

[14:22] Any other – we got Artex.

[14:24] Obviously, Shadowfax.

[14:26] That's a powerful horse.

[14:27] If it wasn't for that, Gandalf couldn't be all over the place.

[14:30] He'd have to ride an eagle or something stupid.

[14:32] Riding Shadowfax.

[14:33] Yeah, it's way stupider to ride an eagle than to ride a horse.

[14:36] Yeah, sure.

[14:37] Oh, man.

[14:37] It's so cool.

Dan McCoy

[14:39] Does that horse that gets whispered to have a name?

[14:42] No.

[14:43] That's why they have to whisper to it.

[14:44] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[14:45] They don't embarrass it by not having a name.

[14:47] Any other final horse?

[14:49] It's funny.

[14:49] I love – I've watched so many westerns in my life.

[14:52] Yeah.

[14:53] And yet, it's – usually the horses are not treated as full characters.

[14:57] They're just kind of treated like vehicles that you can pick up or drop off.

[15:00] But you'd think there would be more westerns where there's a much stronger relationship with the horse specifically than there are.

[15:07] Yeah.

[15:07] I mean –

[15:08] I'm sure there are some, but there's not as many as you think.

Dan McCoy

[15:11] Radio and TV more than the movie that everyone did not care for.

[15:15] But like Silver, obviously, is the one that comes to mind in terms of like western horses, the Lone Ranger's horse.

Stuart Wellington

[15:21] You were going to say the horse from Hot to Trot with Bobcat Goldsway?

Dan McCoy

[15:25] I was going to say that horse.

[15:27] That's my favorite horse.

Elliott Kalan

[15:29] Any horse that's Hot to Trot is my kind of horse.

[15:33] My favorite is either that horse or when his dad, who is a horse, comes back reincarnated as a horse fly.

[15:39] You know, that's also –

[15:40] Does that happen?

[15:41] Yeah.

[15:43] In Hot to Trot?

[15:44] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[15:45] Do I have to watch Hot to Trot again?

[15:46] No, you don't have to watch Hot to Trot.

Elliott Kalan

[15:47] Yeah, yes.

[15:48] Yeah, the government says you have to watch Hot to Trot now.

[15:50] Ellen says you don't have to.

[15:52] I thought you were going to say it was the Supreme Court, Dan.

[15:54] In the end, Robert sided with the conservatives that said you do have to watch Hot to Trot again.

[15:59] Yeah, yeah.

[16:00] I can't wait to read the dissent.

Dan McCoy

[16:02] They say they're for small government, but they're making me watch Hot to Trot again.

Stuart Wellington

[16:08] Yeah, it feels like – I think you're right.

[16:10] Like when I was putting this category together, I was like, I feel like horses are such a natural – like horses are such a big part of movies for such a long time that there would have been a ton of ones that's like jumped out to me.

[16:21] But there kind of aren't.

Elliott Kalan

[16:23] No, they're treated as props more than as characters a lot of the time, and I wonder if that's because there's a feeling – I think that by the time movies were being made – this is a theory I'm making up off the top of my head.

[16:34] Most moviegoers did not have close relationships with horses the way that they might to a pet, a dog or a cat or something like that.

[16:41] Whereas in earlier times, I think people would have had a much closer relationship to a horse.

[16:46] I mean like by the time movies were being shown in cities, there's fewer and fewer horses in cities and stuff like that.

[16:51] So if you're making a lot of movies set on the mean streets of New York, there's not going to be a lot of horses there.

[16:56] And if you're making a lot of movies set in – what's a famously horseless city?

[17:02] Like a city that banned horses.

[17:03] Are there any?

[17:04] Venice?

[17:04] Tokyo.

[17:05] Yeah, Venice.

[17:06] If you're making movies set in Tokyo or Venice, you're not going to have a lot of horses there.

[17:09] Yeah.

[17:11] Yeah.

[17:11] Coruscant.

Stuart Wellington

[17:12] Can't put a horse there.

[17:14] No horses.

[17:15] Okay.

[17:16] So we're going to move on to the next category.

[17:18] This is the rodent category.

[17:21] Mice, rats, et cetera.

[17:23] Cappybaras, sure.

[17:24] Yeah.

[17:24] You got things like Stuart Little things.

[17:27] Characters like Stuart Little.

[17:29] Okay.

[17:30] Five Old Mouskowitz.

[17:32] Mm-hmm.

[17:32] Remy from Ratatouille.

[17:34] Yep.

[17:35] Socrates from Willard.

[17:37] Uh-huh.

[17:38] Ben from Ben.

[17:42] And a personal favorite, Mrs. Brisby from Secret of Nim.

[17:46] Mrs. Frisby.

[17:47] Well, Frisby in the book.

[17:48] Frisby in the movie.

[17:49] Oh, it's Frisby in the movie.

[17:50] I didn't even remember that.

Dan McCoy

[17:51] It's because of Frisby the Flying Disc.

[17:53] Yeah.

[17:54] Oh, I didn't realize that.

Elliott Kalan

[17:55] I know the book so much better than the movie.

[17:57] Yeah.

[17:57] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[17:58] Yeah.

[17:58] I was going to be mad if Brisby wasn't on there because –

[18:01] That's a hot mouse.

[18:02] I had kind of a crush on Mrs. Brisby as a kid.

[18:05] I watched Secret of –

Elliott Kalan

[18:05] Did you have more of a crush on Mrs. Brisby or on Gadget from Rescue Rangers?

Dan McCoy

[18:09] Good call.

[18:12] Brisby for me.

[18:13] I mean, I think ultimately –

[18:15] She's a single mom, dude.

[18:16] Gadget.

[18:17] But –

[18:18] It's a MILF.

[18:19] A mouse.

[18:19] I'd like bits.

[18:19] Yeah.

[18:20] Brisby was a formative, confusing cartoon crush.

[18:25] And I have to go with Mrs. Brisby because – but, you know, she shows so much heart through

[18:31] that movie.

[18:31] Yeah.

[18:32] And it's ultimately the power of her heart.

[18:34] It saves her family.

[18:35] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[18:35] Yeah.

[18:35] It's a dope movie.

[18:37] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[18:38] Beautiful.

[18:38] Beautiful film.

Elliott Kalan

[18:39] Yeah.

[18:40] I was glad you put Fievel on there.

[18:41] Again, that's my family's story.

[18:43] That's my ancestor's story.

[18:45] So, you know, I've got to stand up for Fievel, you know, that we came to this country from

[18:50] another country seeking safety, and then we went out west.

Stuart Wellington

[18:53] Yeah.

[18:54] Eventually, you went west.

[18:55] I don't think I ever saw –

[18:55] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[18:55] Eventually, my family went as west as northern New Jersey.

[18:59] I never saw Fievel Goes West.

[19:01] Is this a –

Elliott Kalan

[19:02] Fievel Goes West is a pretty bonkers movie in some ways.

[19:05] It is much – it's much less of a tightly told story than an American tale.

[19:09] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[19:10] So, what?

[19:10] It's just like an anthology story of Western stories?

[19:13] Yeah, exactly.

[19:14] Like that Coen Brothers movie?

[19:14] It's Buster Scruggs.

[19:15] Yeah, but they're all mice.

[19:16] Yeah, yeah.

[19:18] Yeah, I mean, I feel like Miss Brisby is an obvious one.

[19:21] I think all those characters are great.

[19:22] Remy's great, yeah.

[19:24] Remy's great.

[19:25] I mean, who, like –

Elliott Kalan

[19:26] So, little is a sweet little guy, you know.

Stuart Wellington

[19:28] Remy is like – I feel like Ratatouille is such a – it was such a high point for Pixar.

[19:34] I mean, they've had a lot of high points, but that's –

Elliott Kalan

[19:36] They've had an enormous number of high points, but that one is – yeah.

[19:39] That's a big one.

[19:39] I mean, I think it's weird that that's one of the few – I mean, they've – I guess there's a few that they haven't done sequels of.

[19:44] But I don't think they've ever even talked about doing like a Ratatouille or something like that.

Stuart Wellington

[19:48] And that's like – it's right there, right?

[19:50] It's right there.

[19:50] They're leaving money on the table.

[19:51] Yeah.

[19:52] The title.

Dan McCoy

[19:54] The title allows for it.

Stuart Wellington

[19:55] Hot loan, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[19:56] So, obviously, the plot can follow.

[19:58] I mean, but Stuart Little.

Stuart Wellington

[19:59] They haven't taken a meeting with Jim Cameron yet.

[20:02] Yeah.

[20:02] It should be Stuart Little also.

Elliott Kalan

[20:05] Now, Stuart Little, he has a human mom though, right?

Dan McCoy

[20:09] Yeah.

[20:09] He's not necessarily a mouse so much as a boy that has mouse qualities.

Elliott Kalan

[20:15] So, do you think when he was born, he was born like a real pinky, like a real mouse,

[20:18] like kind of mushy and hairless and kind of like blind?

[20:22] Or do you think he came out looking like Stuart Little?

Stuart Wellington

[20:25] Well, I mean –

[20:25] Like furry, like a mouse, or like a pink – I mean –

Dan McCoy

[20:28] Most human babies also come out kind of mushy and pinky and squishy.

Elliott Kalan

[20:33] Very few of them come out fully grown.

[20:35] You're Benjamin Buttons or what have you.

Stuart Wellington

[20:36] Now, when – Elliot, of the three of us, Elliot, you have children.

[20:41] Two.

[20:41] Were you ever nervous that your child was going to come out like a little Stuart Little?

[20:46] Yeah, like a mouse.

Elliott Kalan

[20:47] I did once have a nightmare before my first son was born.

[20:52] And my wife gave birth to like something that looks like when a kangaroo or koala gives birth.

[20:57] And it's like not fully formed yet.

[20:59] And it's kind of like all weird and mushy and bany and very tiny.

[21:02] And in the dream, I had to carry it around in a styrofoam coffee cup because it was so frail and its skin was so sensitive that like I couldn't even hold it in my hand.

Dan McCoy

[21:10] Had you been watching Eraserhead the night before?

Elliott Kalan

[21:14] I mean, not the night before, but certainly –

Stuart Wellington

[21:17] This feels like a very good short Charles Burns comic.

[21:20] Yeah.

[21:21] Yeah, you're right.

[21:22] He would crush it.

Elliott Kalan

[21:22] So if Chuck Burns is listening, you know, feel free to use it, you know.

[21:25] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[21:26] Okay.

[21:27] So I think we've got some good stuff here.

[21:29] Obviously, write in if you have critiques.

[21:31] We're at the halfway point before we cut to a brief message.

[21:34] We have one more – this is an unrelated question.

[21:37] Oh.

[21:37] But what is – you've got to make a case for what is the cutest baby animal?

[21:43] Cutest baby animal.

[21:44] I'm going to go first.

[21:45] I think it is, without a doubt, baby elephants.

[21:48] Baby elephants are the cutest –

[21:50] No, those are pretty good.

[21:50] They're very cute.

[21:51] They're just little old men with their sad eyes, and they're a little bit like – they're a little bit fuzzy.

Elliott Kalan

[21:56] I will say, in my house – I wouldn't necessarily have thought this earlier, but my younger son is obsessed with tapirs.

[22:02] So in my house, we watch a lot of footage of baby tapirs, and they have a different coat pattern.

Stuart Wellington

[22:07] I'm assuming on like YouTube or something, not like – is there like a channel that shows baby taper content?

Elliott Kalan

[22:13] There are a number of zoos that have baby tapirs that like on their Instagram feed, they'll put out tapir footage, you know.

[22:19] And baby tapirs are very cute.

[22:21] They got that little nose.

[22:22] You know, they have to learn how to swim at one point.

[22:24] They got spots and stripes on their coats.

[22:26] They're very cute.

[22:26] That's cute.

[22:27] But also, baby turtles, super cute.

[22:30] When they hatch and they're walking down the beach, and you just – you're like, oh, it's too bad that half of them are going to get eaten by seagulls because they're so cute.

[22:36] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[22:36] Or when like a turtle gets a hold of a strawberry, Jesus Christ, they go apeshit.

[22:40] I won't like anything as much as a turtle likes a strawberry.

[22:43] Yeah, yeah.

[22:44] Dan, what about you?

[22:46] It's hard to say.

Dan McCoy

[22:47] You know, it's probably just because they look so much like humans, but baby apes are pretty cute.

Elliott Kalan

[22:54] Yeah, baby chimps are very cute.

Dan McCoy

[22:57] I also am very fond of –

[22:58] And they can use weapons.

Elliott Kalan

[22:59] Yeah.

[23:00] Yeah, I saw a movie about it.

[23:01] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[23:01] I just like mammals of this kind of like general like size and type.

[23:06] But like baby foxes are a fave of mine.

Stuart Wellington

[23:10] I could see that.

[23:11] Yeah.

[23:11] I love it.

[23:12] Okay.

Justin McElroy

[23:17] Hey, Sydney.

[23:18] You're a physician and the co-host of Sawbones, a marital tour of misguided medicine, right?

[23:21] That's true, Justin.

[23:22] Is it true that our medical history podcast is just as good as a visit to your primary care physician?

S5

[23:28] No, Justin.

[23:28] That is absolutely not true.

[23:30] However, our podcast is funny and interesting and a great way to learn about the medical misdeeds of the past as well as some current not-so-legit healthcare fads.

Justin McElroy

[23:40] So you're saying that by listening to our podcast, people will feel better?

[23:43] Sure.

[23:43] And isn't that the same reason that you go to the doctor?

S5

[23:46] Well, you could say that.

Justin McElroy

[23:48] And our podcast is free?

[23:49] Yes, it is free.

[23:51] You heard it here first, folks.

[23:52] Sawbones, marital tour of misguided medicine, right here on Maximum Fun, just as good as going to the doctor.

S5

[23:57] No, no, no.

[23:58] Still not just as good as going to the doctor, but pretty good.

[24:01] It's up there.

S6

[24:02] My name is Jordan Krusciola, and I love movies.

[24:06] But you know what I might love even more?

[24:08] Talking about movies.

[24:10] And the directors, actors, and writers that join me every week on Feeling Scene love to talk about movies, too.

[24:15] Like our recent co-host, the writer and director, Justin Simeon.

Stuart Wellington

[24:19] And I love the premise of your show, Feeling Scene.

[24:22] I think that's kind of always my goal when I'm making something.

[24:25] Nothing touches my heart more than when someone comes out of my movie and says,

[24:28] Oh my God, I never thought I would see myself.

S6

[24:30] So hang out with us and geek out about watching movies, making movies,

[24:33] and the ways the movies we love speak to us directly.

[24:36] You might just start asking folks around you,

[24:38] Hey, what movie character made you feel seen?

[24:40] We're doing it every week at MaximumFun.org.

Stuart Wellington

[24:45] So we got a little message.

[24:47] This is a j-j-j-jumbotron.

[24:52] The long-running horror film podcast, Horror Show Hot Dog,

[24:57] is launching the Minnesota Genre Film Exposition,

[25:00] and is now accepting short and feature-length film submissions.

[25:05] M-N-G-F-E will take place October 3rd through 5th, 2025, in Roseville, Minnesota,

[25:14] with a submission deadline of July 31st.

[25:17] So, filmmakers, visit filmfreeway.com

[25:22] slash the Minnesota Genre Film Exposition to submit your film by July 31st.

Dan McCoy

[25:31] I could go for a horror show hot dog right about now.

Stuart Wellington

[25:34] Okay.

[25:34] Well, after the show, speaking of hot dogs,

[25:36] let's get to talk more about these cool animals of the movies.

Elliott Kalan

[25:40] I feel like a hot dog is the opposite of a cool animal.

[25:42] Oh, good point.

[25:43] Not hot right in the name, yeah.

[25:44] Good point.

Stuart Wellington

[25:45] It depends.

[25:45] Sometimes you just eat them right out of the fridge, right?

[25:48] You do indeed.

[25:49] You're snacking dogs?

[25:50] You guys don't have snacking dogs?

[25:52] No.

[25:53] Okay, well, that's fine.

[25:54] Okay, so the next category is the primate category.

[25:58] Maybe this is directly inspired by Better Man.

[26:01] That would cover monkeys and apes,

[26:03] things like Amy from Congo.

[26:06] Uh-huh.

[26:07] Bonzo from Bedtime for Bonzo.

[26:10] Mm-hmm.

[26:10] Caesar from Planet of the Apes.

[26:13] Clyde from Every Which Way But Loose

[26:15] and Any Which Way You Can.

[26:17] Gordy from Nope.

[26:18] King Kong, King Louie, or Mighty Joe Young.

[26:24] Favorite primates, guys.

Elliott Kalan

[26:27] You got my two favorites right there on there,

[26:31] King Kong and Caesar.

[26:33] Caesar's on my mind a lot

[26:35] because we just started watching

[26:36] the original Planet of the Apes movies,

[26:37] me and my younger son.

[26:39] I said, enough about tapirs.

[26:41] Let's watch some apiers.

Stuart Wellington

[26:44] And they were, I'm sure, impressed by that.

Elliott Kalan

[26:47] Yeah, yeah, he applauded.

[26:48] Your kids, yeah.

[26:49] 14 straight minutes.

Stuart Wellington

[26:50] The thing is, your kids, they idolize you.

[26:52] They think you're the funniest guy in the universe.

Elliott Kalan

[26:54] Yeah, they're both at the age now

[26:56] where they clearly still love me,

[26:57] but they like to be very derisive about me,

[27:00] which they don't love.

[27:01] But the original Planet of the Apes still holds up.

[27:05] The new Planet of the Apes, really great.

[27:07] But King Kong has-

Stuart Wellington

[27:08] I remember when the new, you know,

[27:10] those new Planet of the Apes movies,

[27:12] the first one came.

[27:13] I think it was when the second one had come out,

[27:14] I had missed the first one,

[27:16] but I like, you know, rented it or something.

[27:19] And I remember right away, I'm like,

[27:22] oh man, this, I don't want to see a movie

[27:24] of the stupid like CGI baby monkey.

[27:26] And then like 10 minutes later, I'm like crying.

[27:29] I'm like, stupid CGI monkey made me cry.

Elliott Kalan

[27:33] But the one, the original King Kong

[27:35] has such a special place in my heart.

[27:37] I think because it's the first special effect

[27:39] I saw as a kid where I was like,

[27:41] this doesn't look real, but it looks alive.

[27:44] Like I do not think this is a real ape.

[27:46] I know this is a puppet, but he looks like he's alive.

[27:49] He has so much personality.

[27:50] And so there's so much vim to him,

[27:53] except in those closeups of the giant King Kong face,

[27:56] which always ridiculous to me.

[27:57] Yeah.

[27:57] That original stop motion King Kong is just like,

[28:00] that's my favorite.

[28:01] Got to be my favorite ape of all movies.

Stuart Wellington

[28:03] There's something so magical about that style

[28:05] of special effect because it is like,

[28:07] I mean, there's such an attempt with movies

[28:10] to try to make things look as real as possible

[28:13] that when you have something

[28:15] that doesn't quite look real, real,

[28:18] but it still is like, there's still something there.

[28:20] Like it still feels magical.

[28:22] You know what I mean?

[28:23] Well, I guess the secret of it is the acting of it,

Elliott Kalan

[28:26] that the person doing the effect has to be acting.

[28:28] And I guess, and that's why Annie Serkis,

[28:29] I think was such a breakthrough performer,

[28:31] was it was like, even though these characters

[28:33] are not real in front of you,

[28:35] the acting matters just as much as it does.

[28:37] It's the kind of thing animators have known for forever,

[28:39] but you know, like that it's still,

[28:41] there's still a performance acting level.

[28:43] You still have to get the emotion across,

[28:44] even if it is a monster character or a CGI, whatever.

[28:47] And King Kong has that, you know.

Stuart Wellington

[28:49] I feel like almost more when it's a monster character

[28:52] because you need to have,

[28:53] like you have to emote more.

[28:55] You have to.

Dan McCoy

[28:56] Sorry, I was silent for a long time

[28:58] because I was thinking about it.

[28:59] You know, I was like, you know,

[29:00] I have a certain,

[29:01] I like, I can respect the fact

[29:03] that Link is horny for Elizabeth Shue,

[29:05] but Link ends up being murderous and evil.

[29:08] So I wouldn't go with that.

[29:10] Okay.

[29:11] I would, yeah,

[29:12] my loyalties are split between the two kings,

[29:16] Kong and Louie.

[29:18] Kong is one of the most soulful

[29:20] of the great apes in film,

[29:24] and King Louie has one of the best songs.

Stuart Wellington

[29:27] Yeah.

[29:28] No, yeah, I think,

[29:29] I feel like we're,

[29:31] I'm sure we're missing some.

[29:33] Yeah.

[29:33] But, yeah.

[29:34] I mean, there's a lot of apes.

Elliott Kalan

[29:35] We haven't mentioned Ed,

[29:36] we haven't mentioned Dunstan,

[29:37] we haven't mentioned the MVP,

[29:38] Most Valuable Primate,

[29:39] we haven't mentioned,

Stuart Wellington

[29:40] whatever the monkey from Monkey Trouble's name is.

[29:44] Mm-hmm.

[29:44] The monkey from The Monkey.

[29:48] The monkey from Monkey Shines.

Elliott Kalan

[29:50] Yeah, there's a lot of monkeys we haven't mentioned.

[29:52] Yeah, yeah.

[29:52] Shiny.

[29:53] There's that Nazi monkey from Raiders,

[29:55] you know.

[29:55] Sure, yeah.

[29:56] He's the monkey you love to hate.

Dan McCoy

[29:57] There's the one from the Pirates movies.

[30:00] Yep.

[30:01] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[30:01] The other one's listed.

Stuart Wellington

[30:02] Yeah.

[30:03] Wasn't the killer in Murders in the Room Org monkey?

[30:07] Yep, was a gorilla.

[30:08] Yep.

[30:08] Or an orangutan.

[30:09] It was an escaped orangutan.

[30:10] Yeah.

[30:10] From the circus.

[30:11] A sailor's pet that had gotten loose.

[30:13] Yeah, sailor's pet.

[30:14] Sailors are always fucking things up, guys.

[30:17] Okay.

[30:17] The next category,

[30:18] this is another big one.

[30:20] This is close to me and Dan's heart,

[30:22] maybe less so for Elliot.

[30:23] We are in the feline category.

[30:26] Thumbs down.

[30:27] Cats, oh, cats in the movies.

[30:30] Just because they make you sneeze.

[30:32] So we got...

[30:33] And itch.

[30:34] And itch, they hurt my eyes, yeah.

[30:36] We got some famous cats,

[30:37] like the cat from Tales from the Dark Side,

[30:39] the movie that kills Buster Poindexter.

[30:42] Oh, so that's the first cat you mentioned

[30:43] in the list of movie cats.

[30:44] Interesting.

[30:45] Oh, yeah.

[30:45] We got Keanu from Keanu.

[30:47] We got That Darn Cat.

[30:49] We got Sassy from Homeward Bound.

[30:52] The cat from Inside Llewyn Davis.

[30:55] Oh, that's a good cat.

[30:55] We got Jonesy from Alien and Aliens.

[30:58] Oh, yeah.

[30:58] Morris the cat from The Long Goodbye.

[31:01] Church from Pet Sematary.

[31:04] And of course,

[31:05] a flophouse list of cats wouldn't matter

[31:07] if I didn't say Duffy from A Talking Cat.

Dan McCoy

[31:10] Oh, I thought you were going to say

[31:11] all of the cats from the movie Cats.

Stuart Wellington

[31:14] Those aren't real cats.

[31:16] Yeah, I'm like King Kong is a real gorilla.

[31:21] Okay, so are you going to make a case

[31:23] for one of the cats from Cats, the movie?

Dan McCoy

[31:25] No, I'm going to make a case

[31:26] from The Cat from Outer Space,

[31:29] a Disney film that I saw over and over again

[31:34] as a kid for some reason.

[31:36] And the reason is it was on television.

[31:39] But it's a real cat.

[31:41] It had some sort of, I don't know,

[31:44] space powers if I recall.

Elliott Kalan

[31:46] So this is a movie you saw over and over again

[31:47] but you don't remember anything about it?

Dan McCoy

[31:49] No, I'm looking it up.

[31:50] Oh, Roddy McDowell was in it.

[31:51] Oh, wow.

Elliott Kalan

[31:52] Did you see this movie, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[31:55] It was a cute cat.

[31:56] I just remember that.

[31:57] Oh, it had a special collar

[31:59] that amplified telekinetic

[32:00] and telepathic abilities.

Stuart Wellington

[32:04] That's how you know it's from outer space.

[32:05] That's how you know it's from outer space.

[32:06] A collar.

[32:07] Elliot, do you have favorite cats?

Elliott Kalan

[32:09] I think I'm going to mention,

[32:11] because I have the opportunity to,

[32:13] a cat that was not on your list.

[32:14] There's a Czech New Wave movie called,

[32:17] it has a couple different titles.

[32:18] The Cassandra Cat,

[32:19] The Cat Who Wore Sunglasses is another one.

[32:21] Great names.

[32:22] One of the titles is When the Cat Comes,

[32:23] One Day a Cat, et cetera.

[32:25] It's this cat that has the ability to,

[32:27] if it looks at you,

[32:28] then your color changes

[32:30] to a color that represents

[32:31] kind of a big flaw in you

[32:34] or your emotion.

[32:35] So like if you're greedy

[32:36] or if you're in love

[32:37] or if you're depressed

[32:38] or something like that,

[32:39] suddenly your body all turns that color

[32:41] when the cat looks at you.

[32:42] And it's a pretty silly movie

[32:46] for the most part.

[32:47] But I love the idea,

[32:47] but there's some fun touches in it.

[32:50] And it's just,

[32:50] it's one of these cats

[32:51] that you don't hear so much about in movies,

[32:52] but he's integral to the plot.

[32:54] This cat is very important to the plot.

[32:56] So that's the Cassandra cat.

Stuart Wellington

[32:57] Yeah, I mean,

[32:58] I really love Morris the Cat

[33:01] in The Long Goodbye.

[33:02] Like it's such a moment,

[33:03] like just right off the bat,

[33:06] it like humanizes Elliot Gould

[33:08] and it like,

[33:09] it's such a key,

[33:10] I don't know,

[33:10] like it was the moment

[33:11] where I'm like,

[33:12] okay, I love this movie.

[33:13] Like I'm in,

[33:13] I'm in for this.

Elliott Kalan

[33:15] There's the cat in,

[33:16] the cat in Can You Ever Forgive Me?

[33:19] Also, it's like,

[33:19] you don't see a lot of that cat,

[33:21] but the cat's so important to it,

[33:22] you know, so.

Dan McCoy

[33:23] Sorry, I,

[33:24] you know,

[33:25] I'm thinking about my own choices

[33:27] while you're reading things sometimes.

[33:28] Did you mention the one from the cat?

[33:32] No.

[33:32] The story of Ricky,

[33:33] director.

[33:34] No, I've never seen it.

[33:35] Oh, that's a,

[33:36] that's another cat from outer space.

[33:38] Nice.

[33:39] And also,

[33:41] Dan loves these alien cats.

[33:43] Things fly around the screen a lot in that movie.

[33:45] Sounds great.

[33:45] Like if you're a fan of the story of Ricky,

[33:48] you'll,

[33:48] you'll like the cat.

Stuart Wellington

[33:49] Which,

[33:49] as a cineast,

[33:50] I am.

[33:51] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[33:52] Oh,

[33:52] you know what?

[33:53] I'm also going to mention,

[33:53] I'm going to mention the movie,

[33:54] Kuro Neko,

[33:55] the black cat,

[33:57] the Japanese movie from the 60s.

[33:58] It's the same director who made Onibaba.

[34:00] And it's a,

[34:01] that's one,

[34:02] it's really more about two ghosts

[34:04] that kind of take the form of cats

[34:05] and kill samurais,

[34:06] but there's a cat in there

[34:07] and it's pretty,

[34:07] it's a good,

[34:08] it's a good spooky movie.

[34:09] Is there a cat in Housu?

[34:10] I don't remember, guys.

Dan McCoy

[34:11] Yes, there is.

[34:12] Its eyes would sparkle sometimes.

[34:16] That's right.

Elliott Kalan

[34:17] Oh, cool, cool.

[34:18] What a cat.

[34:19] Actually,

[34:19] maybe I'll switch to that cat.

[34:21] I like cats that have power eyes,

[34:24] you know.

Stuart Wellington

[34:24] I feel like that's kind of the funny thing

[34:26] about cats is they're like,

[34:28] they're so like,

[34:29] cats as pets are kind of weird assholes,

[34:31] right?

[34:32] Yeah.

[34:32] And that's,

[34:32] and like,

[34:33] so giving them like a few magical powers,

[34:35] you're like,

[34:36] that makes sense.

[34:37] They're kind of magical weird assholes.

Elliott Kalan

[34:39] They've been able to trick humanity

[34:40] into taking care of them by,

[34:42] while providing very little otherwise.

[34:44] Almost not.

[34:44] Dogs are working for it every day.

[34:46] And cats are like,

[34:48] you work for me.

Dan McCoy

[34:49] This is a tale that is told

[34:51] by our culture.

[34:53] But I have two very affectionate cats

[34:56] who want to spend time with me

[35:00] and with my wife.

[35:02] And me.

[35:03] Yes.

[35:03] So it's not necessarily the case.

[35:06] No, Dan,

Elliott Kalan

[35:07] but Dan,

[35:08] that cat knows that it is affection

[35:10] in exchange for food and lodgings.

[35:13] It is very much,

[35:14] That's the way of all pets.

[35:15] This explains a lot of our relationships.

[35:17] The way of all pets.

[35:18] So.

Stuart Wellington

[35:20] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[35:21] I think it's very transactional with cats,

[35:23] basically,

[35:23] is what I'm saying.

Stuart Wellington

[35:24] So we are into our final category.

[35:27] Cats-agory?

[35:28] I'm leaving.

[35:29] Oh, shit.

[35:30] I can't believe I set myself up.

[35:33] Yeah,

[35:33] you really got you.

[35:34] You walked into that one.

[35:36] Now,

[35:36] this is a category that has a lot of animated characters.

[35:40] Okay.

[35:40] And that is the avian category.

[35:42] We're in the birds.

[35:44] Okay.

[35:44] So those are characters like Iago from Aladdin,

[35:48] Zazu from The Lion King,

[35:51] The Roadrunner,

[35:53] The Birds from The Birds,

[35:56] Donald, Scrooge, Daffy, Howard,

[35:59] All Ducks,

[36:01] Happy Feet,

[36:02] and this one might be an outlier,

[36:04] The Crow.

[36:05] Yeah.

[36:06] Not technically a bird,

Elliott Kalan

[36:07] but a person,

[36:09] yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[36:09] In a movie.

Elliott Kalan

[36:10] He is in a movie.

[36:11] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[36:11] You're right.

Dan McCoy

[36:12] Well,

[36:13] I mean,

[36:13] obviously,

[36:14] my top bird is Uncle Scrooge McDuck,

[36:17] but he's only appeared in one movie.

[36:22] Well,

[36:22] two,

[36:23] I guess.

[36:24] The,

[36:25] one as himself,

[36:27] DuckTales,

[36:29] Treasure of the Lost Lamp,

[36:30] and one as Ebenezer Scrooge.

[36:30] And the other was as the doctor who takes,

Elliott Kalan

[36:32] he takes care of the elephant man,

[36:33] right?

[36:34] In The Elephant Man?

Dan McCoy

[36:34] Uh-huh.

[36:35] Yeah.

[36:35] In Mickey's Christmas Carol.

[36:37] Oh,

[36:38] right.

Elliott Kalan

[36:38] Is he not in,

[36:39] he's not in Donald Duck in Math Magic Land,

[36:41] right?

Dan McCoy

[36:42] No,

[36:43] and that's like a,

[36:43] that's also a short.

[36:44] I wouldn't,

[36:45] but he is in one where he explains how,

[36:47] uh,

[36:47] the workings of the economy and how money has to circulate.

[36:50] Oh,

[36:50] maybe that's what I'm thinking of.

[36:52] Yeah,

[36:52] yeah.

[36:52] Um,

[36:53] but,

[36:53] yeah,

Stuart Wellington

[36:54] that was in the big short.

[36:56] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[36:58] So,

[36:58] I don't think he's,

[36:59] I don't think he's given his due in,

[37:01] in,

[37:01] in film.

[37:02] So,

[37:02] I'm going to go,

[37:03] I love Iago.

[37:05] I think that for me,

[37:07] you know,

[37:07] like,

[37:08] you know,

[37:09] Robin Williams obviously makes me laugh in Latin,

[37:11] but the thing that makes me laugh in Latin,

[37:12] laugh the most in Latin is,

[37:14] uh,

[37:15] is,

[37:15] uh,

[37:16] is Iago.

[37:17] And,

[37:18] uh,

[37:18] the Gilbert Gottfried line deliveries,

[37:21] particularly,

[37:22] I'm going to have a heart attack and die from not surprised,

Stuart Wellington

[37:25] which is one of my favorite lines.

[37:27] Yeah.

[37:28] Now,

[37:28] I got a question for you guys.

[37:30] Obviously,

[37:30] Scrooge McDuck is great.

[37:32] Obviously.

[37:32] But if you were going to compare Donald Duck to Daffy Duck,

[37:36] where do you land on that one?

[37:38] Oh,

[37:38] Daffy 100% for me.

[37:40] I love Daffy Duck.

[37:42] Daffy Duck has two.

Elliott Kalan

[37:43] He's such a fucking awesome loser.

[37:44] He has two modes.

[37:46] Wacky,

[37:46] wacky,

[37:47] silly,

[37:48] and also resentful jerk.

[37:50] And I like both of them.

[37:51] Yeah.

[37:52] They're both really funny.

[37:53] Whereas Donald just gets mad at stuff,

Dan McCoy

[37:54] basically.

[37:55] Yeah.

[37:55] In film,

[37:55] in film,

[37:56] definitely Daffy.

[37:57] Like,

[37:58] I like the Donald of the comics.

[38:00] As opposed to what,

[38:00] in the novels?

[38:01] Yes.

[38:02] Of the comics.

[38:03] He's like a weird adventurer,

[38:04] like,

[38:05] like suburban adventurer guy.

[38:07] Yeah.

[38:07] But yeah,

[38:08] no,

[38:08] Daffy's got a better schtick.

[38:11] Yeah.

[38:11] Man,

Stuart Wellington

[38:13] Yeah,

[38:13] I'm going to say,

[38:14] I feel like,

[38:15] like,

[38:15] there's just something so special and pure about the Roadrunner.

[38:19] Like,

[38:19] it's such this,

[38:20] like,

[38:20] it's such an asshole.

[38:22] Like,

[38:22] such an asshole.

[38:23] But at the same time,

[38:24] like,

[38:24] it's this,

[38:25] like,

[38:25] eternal thing.

[38:27] like,

[38:27] constantly screwing over the coyote and,

[38:31] like,

[38:32] rubbing it in his face.

[38:33] But at the same time,

[38:33] you like,

[38:34] he's trying to kill him.

[38:36] It's good.

[38:36] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[38:37] like,

[38:37] if I would characterize him as an asshole.

[38:39] Well,

[38:40] he,

[38:40] like,

[38:40] rubs it in.

Elliott Kalan

[38:42] Like,

[38:42] he rubs it in.

[38:42] Just by saying,

[38:44] meep,

[38:44] meep?

[38:44] Like,

[38:45] what?

[38:45] Oh,

[38:45] there are times he sets it up on purpose.

[38:47] He's,

[38:47] he's,

[38:47] he's teasing him into that.

[38:48] He knows what he's doing.

[38:50] He knows what he's doing.

[38:50] On the other hand,

[38:51] Wiley Covey is trying to kill him.

[38:53] So,

Stuart Wellington

[38:53] he's justified.

[38:54] And actually,

[38:55] am I misgendering?

[38:56] I can't tell if the,

[38:57] I don't remember if the Roadrunner is.

[38:59] I don't think we know for sure.

[39:00] I think it's not,

Elliott Kalan

[39:01] it's not canonical.

[39:02] Canonically,

[39:02] okay.

[39:02] Yeah.

[39:03] I'm going to mention two birds that are not on your list.

[39:06] One is Kevin,

[39:07] the giant bird from Up.

[39:08] I'm a big fan of that bird.

[39:10] I think she's really funny and has a lot of personality.

[39:13] But also,

[39:14] the man turning into a bird over the length of Brewster McCloud,

[39:18] a movie that mostly doesn't work for me,

[39:20] but I love this conceit of this guy's giving a lecture to the audience about birds.

[39:24] And over the course of the film,

[39:25] he's just becoming a bird for no reason.

[39:28] There's no explanation for it.

[39:29] So,

[39:30] I'm going to go with that.

Stuart Wellington

[39:31] And before,

[39:31] I know the listeners are going to want to write in and complain that I'm not,

[39:34] I'm not repping Gwaihir the Eagle from Lord of the Rings.

[39:37] But,

[39:38] you know,

[39:38] I feel like the Eagles get so much attention and like,

[39:41] not the band.

[39:42] I don't like the band,

[39:43] the Eagles,

[39:43] but the Eagles and Lord of the Rings get so much attention.

[39:46] And like,

[39:46] there's so much flack about them not carrying,

[39:48] not carrying the ring to Mount Doom and just chucking them in there.

[39:52] So,

[39:52] but you know,

[39:53] whatever,

[39:54] like Gwaihir rules,

[39:55] I get it,

[39:55] but I want to share,

[39:56] put the spotlight on the road.

Elliott Kalan

[39:58] Yeah.

[39:58] And I know you're a big fan of Rockadoodle too,

[40:01] right?

Stuart Wellington

[40:02] Hey,

[40:03] you know,

[40:03] that rooster can get it,

[40:05] you know?

[40:06] Yeah.

[40:06] I want to shout out,

Dan McCoy

[40:07] Big Bird,

[40:08] of course,

Stuart Wellington

[40:09] from Follow That Bird.

[40:10] Jesus Christ.

[40:11] Big Bird,

[40:12] like,

[40:12] the sweetest bird.

[40:13] I was watching the,

[40:14] and the Muppet movie.

Elliott Kalan

[40:15] He's got that cameo appearance in the Muppet movie.

[40:17] It's true.

Stuart Wellington

[40:17] Brett Goldstein in his standup special was talking about how he did,

[40:21] he was a guest on Sesame Street and it was the best day of his life.

[40:24] And I'm like,

[40:25] in my head,

[40:26] I'm thinking,

[40:27] if I was on set and Big Bird walked up to me,

[40:30] that would like crush me.

[40:31] Like,

[40:31] I would lose my shit.

[40:33] Yeah.

[40:33] I would lose my shit in tears.

[40:35] Like,

[40:35] I couldn't help it.

[40:36] Like,

[40:37] man,

[40:38] there's just something,

[40:38] there's something so magical about that,

[40:40] that character.

[40:41] Oh,

[40:41] man.

[40:41] that's,

[40:42] yeah,

[40:42] Dan,

[40:43] that's a good call.

[40:43] And I've told that story on here before about the time my mom took me to a performance

[40:47] performance of,

[40:48] uh,

[40:49] the Muppets or of,

[40:50] uh,

[40:50] like a Sesame Street live thing.

[40:52] And the theme was that like Big Bird was missing.

[40:54] And the,

[40:54] and the performers on stage were like,

[40:56] Big Bird's missing.

[40:57] We need to go find him.

[40:58] And after this scene,

[41:00] my mom looks over and I'm not in my seat.

[41:02] I'm gone.

[41:03] So she goes into the lobby and I'm trying to leave.

[41:06] I'm trying to push through the front door.

[41:07] And my mom's like,

[41:08] what are you doing?

[41:09] I'm like,

[41:09] we have to find Big Bird.

[41:11] Like I took it as my responsibility that I need to find Big Bird.

[41:14] That's too much responsibility for a child.

[41:16] Yeah.

[41:16] That's that explains a lot about my personality.

[41:20] Um,

[41:21] okay.

[41:21] So we've,

[41:22] uh,

[41:22] we've covered all the bases.

[41:23] We just have one final question.

[41:25] This is a hard one guys,

[41:26] before we wrap up.

[41:26] So we've covered all the bases,

[41:27] but there's one more question.

[41:29] You're right.

[41:30] His story doesn't add up.

[41:31] You got him.

[41:32] One more thing.

[41:34] One more thing.

[41:34] We've covered all the bases.

[41:36] Wouldn't there be no questions left?

[41:37] I'm in an episode of Poker Face over here.

[41:40] Um,

[41:41] okay.

[41:41] So guys,

[41:43] gun to your head.

[41:45] I don't,

[41:45] I don't like that.

[41:46] I've already got a fan of this scenario.

[41:47] Gun to your head.

[41:50] Ignoring the bird category.

[41:52] Yeah.

[41:52] The avian category.

[41:54] Of the animals we've talked about today,

[41:57] which animal would you eat?

[41:59] Oh.

[42:00] Ignoring the bird category?

[42:02] Yes.

[42:03] Wow.

[42:03] Man.

Elliott Kalan

[42:04] Animal would I eat?

[42:06] Dog,

[42:07] horse.

Stuart Wellington

[42:08] Dogs,

[42:08] horses.

[42:09] Primates.

[42:10] Rodents.

[42:11] Rodents.

[42:12] Primate.

[42:12] Elliot goes right to primates.

[42:14] What's wrong with that?

[42:15] And felines,

[42:17] cats.

[42:18] Which of those animals,

[42:20] and not like the broad category,

[42:21] which of those characters would you eat?

[42:23] Oh,

[42:23] so it has to be the character.

[42:25] You're eating the character.

[42:26] Yeah.

[42:26] I picked or.

Elliott Kalan

[42:28] It doesn't have to be one you picked it.

[42:29] And you got it.

[42:30] You could say Mighty Joe Young if you want.

[42:32] Yeah.

[42:33] Who wouldn't want to eat Mighty Joe Young?

[42:36] Then for me,

[42:37] I think it's got to be Seabiscuit.

[42:38] The chance to eat one of America's favorite horses,

[42:40] you know,

[42:41] to be the guy,

[42:42] to be known as the guy who ate Seabiscuit.

[42:43] Like I can't,

[42:44] and his name has Biscuit in it.

[42:45] Yeah.

[42:45] You know he's going to be delicious.

[42:46] And also you're going to be famous.

[42:48] I think,

[42:48] yeah.

[42:49] You got it.

[42:49] That meat's going to be so tender from all the running.

[42:52] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[42:53] I don't.

[42:54] That's how it works.

[42:56] I don't want to double up,

[42:57] but like,

[42:57] I feel like it's got to be one of the horses.

[42:59] Dan,

[43:00] you can't say Mrs.

Elliott Kalan

[43:01] Brisby and say it's a sexual thing.

[43:02] You can't.

Dan McCoy

[43:02] No,

[43:03] no,

[43:03] I don't.

[43:03] I love that.

[43:04] Like,

[43:04] I,

[43:05] I have.

Elliott Kalan

[43:05] But like,

[43:06] we wouldn't blame.

Dan McCoy

[43:07] I feel the least personal attachment to,

[43:10] to horses.

[43:12] So like,

[43:12] Dan,

Elliott Kalan

[43:13] if you want to take horses,

[43:14] then I'll say Remy the rat,

[43:15] Ratatouille.

[43:16] You know he tastes good.

[43:17] He tastes good.

[43:17] He can cook himself.

[43:18] He'll season himself.

Stuart Wellington

[43:19] He's only eating the best food.

[43:22] Exactly.

[43:23] Yeah.

[43:23] I don't want to shock you guys,

[43:25] but I just get shot.

[43:26] I wouldn't eat any of these treasured characters.

[43:27] Oh,

[43:27] come on.

[43:29] What a trap.

[43:29] You can't set a trap like that.

[43:31] And also,

[43:32] it's totally not true.

[43:33] So everybody,

[43:34] this has been a mini episode of the Flophouse Podcast.

[43:37] Wow.

[43:37] Send all your hate mail to theflophouse at gmail.com,

[43:41] I think.

[43:41] You know what?

[43:42] I welcomed your hate.

[43:43] I'll eat Remy and I'll eat Seabiscuit.

[43:45] Deal with it.

Elliott Kalan

[43:45] Oh,

[43:46] double up.

[43:47] He'll turn.

Stuart Wellington

[43:48] So this has been a mini episode of the Flophouse Podcast.

[43:51] This has been produced by Howell Doughty,

[43:54] Alexander Smith.

[43:55] He goes as Howell Doughty on various socials and on Twitch,

[43:57] et cetera,

[43:58] et cetera,

[43:58] making music.

[43:59] He's great.

[43:59] He's the best.

[44:00] We're a part of the MaxFun Network.

[44:02] So there's other shows,

[44:03] probably a lot like this over there.

[44:04] So check them out.

[44:05] All about eating beloved characters.

[44:08] I've been,

[44:09] for this episode,

[44:10] I've been Stuart Wellington.

Dan McCoy

[44:12] For this and other episodes,

[44:13] I've been Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[44:14] For this and all the other episodes,

[44:16] I think,

[44:17] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[44:18] And I can't wait till the mini when Stuart asks us about our favorite movie,

[44:21] Children,

[44:21] and gives us the same question at the very end.

[44:23] And we don't see it coming.

Stuart Wellington

[44:25] Okay.

[44:26] See you later.

[44:26] Bye,

[44:26] Seabiscuit.

FH Mini 129 - When Animals Compete

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