Ep. #230 - Monster Trucks

[0:00] on this episode we discuss monster trucks you're welcome guys because i made you watch this movie

[0:30] hey everyone and welcome to the flop house i'm dan mccoy hey i'm stewart wellington hello

[0:44] elliot kaelin here bringing the energy bringing the pep bringing everything we need

[0:54] oh i'm so tired yeah i worked it out oh man i didn't i used up guys why are we so pepless

[1:01] where'd the pep go should we call the pep boys damn pep boys stole it in the middle of the night

[1:07] just like they do it was uh well we shouldn't have invited them in in the first place that's

[1:12] the first law about protecting yourself against the pep once you invite a pep boy in all the pep

[1:17] boys think they can come in whenever they want and they steal the pep and they put it in their

[1:21] heads and that's why their heads are so big i hung a garland of uh of olives around my neck because

[1:26] that scares the pep boys away but dan just ate all my olives and i hung delicious in my room and

[1:32] now i'm a murderer because i killed the director if i want someone to eat cheese with well uh

[1:40] i guess i mean how long are you gonna be in jail when for murdering him uh i mean the trial is

[1:46] tomorrow i should really be planning my defense marvel netflix universe

[1:53] yeah we're being tried in hell's kitchen luckily i'm gonna turn state's evidence on the hand

[1:58] and so i think i'll get off yeah i use a hand to get off okay anyway

[2:06] i saw the wheels turn it's funny because it's true dan masturbates

[2:10] oh look guys real talk hat backward chair backward touch yourself down there it's not a

[2:17] real problem everyone does it uh dan we are gonna have to cancel your seminar with the students

[2:24] we'll be getting some complaints from their parents that they're just walking home masturbating as

[2:28] they walk into the door first off this is supposed to be a math seminar yeah it's supposed to be an

[2:34] algebra hand plus wiener equals smiley face exactly it's not math

[2:42] it's math that you can use yeah in real life number two unlike normal math we called up your

[2:47] references uh half of them turn out to be gas stations in the tampa area and one of them it

[2:54] was just a recording of someone laughing what's that all about dan uh scary laugh or was it like

[3:02] a big jolly santa belly laugh it was a big jolly santa belly laugh but it just kept repeating so

[3:07] became creepy through repetition like a too many cooks yeah and the and the last reference was

[3:13] that guy who broke into that pbs signal in the 80s with a max hedrum mask on

[3:19] they finally caught that guy well no he told us all about it was it just matt fruer or was it a

[3:24] guy wearing a man no it was a guy it was not matt fruer himself it was a guy wearing a max

[3:27] hedrum mask because sometimes when you look at matt fruer's face you think it's a mask but it's

[3:31] not he's just very expressive now we're insulting the late matt fruer wait are you dying i think so

[3:38] i don't think he was on orphan black recently oh my god his character died oh god now i gotta

[3:42] look this up we gotta find out everybody now you know what internet you know what i'm thinking of

[3:47] you know who i'm thinking of i'm thinking that character actor is in the game yeah matt fruer

[3:51] still oh the one who plays like a doctor yeah no matt fruer still alive all right that's earlier

[3:56] today i was convinced tim curry i was halfway through ordering a dozen roses for his family

[4:02] roses really you can still do that it's like a nice dude black roses a nice gesture because it

[4:07] was a very metal funeral yeah because uh like slash is gonna play because matt fruer it's in

[4:14] his will but he wants to be buried exactly like in the november rain video package yeah and then

[4:20] he's gonna be underground like in the what is that don't cry package now here's one of our most

[4:24] popular packages uh it's dropped in popularity a little bit as we get farther and farther from

[4:29] 90s but it's our november rain package uh in this package slash actually stands on your coffin and

[4:36] plays the his hit song welcome to the jungle yeah wow we couldn't get the rights to november rain

[4:43] i'm sorry but it brings kind of an up atmosphere to the funeral because the casket flies away with

[4:48] balloons attached also we we bring a wedding cake so you can remember you can remind yourself of

[4:53] your wedding but someone will jump into that wedding cake yep that's my favorite thing about

[4:58] that fucking video who is at a wedding and he's like oh it's it's raining it's ruined now time

[5:04] for me to fuck up the cake i want to do this all day who knows what kind of crazy wedding axel was

[5:09] having it's almost like that guy in the middle of the rainstorm got his his suit on fire and he's

[5:16] like i need to put this up the only way i know how stop stop it drop and roll on a cake is that

[5:21] a big pile of fire retardant chemicals oh no it turned out to be cake i'm sorry i thought it was

[5:25] fire foam and axel rose who was the groom is like oh axel foley my best man can you please show this

[5:32] man out since you're a police officer and an axle from a truck monster trucks hey so what we do

[5:40] normally here is we watch a movie that's a bad movie and then we talk about it uh-huh have some

[5:45] laughs and then we do some other shit later on no spoilers all right usually it's go home and go

[5:51] to sleep yeah i mean no i mean other stuff on the podcast we don't go home we don't record

[5:55] ourselves going home and going to sleep oh i do but it's for legal purposes yeah that's true so

[6:02] uh what do we always need to prove my whereabouts okay i was about to ask but thank you for what

[6:07] held us down he put the screws to us and he's like you're watching monster trucks

[6:11] the way i remember it was stewart was like let's watch monster trucks monster trucks monster trucks

[6:15] anyone like are we gonna why don't we watch the 50 shades uh sequel or if we don't watch it tonight

[6:22] i'm gonna be unable to prevent myself from watching it later and the aforementioned hand

[6:26] to penis transaction i can only assume i don't i don't want to write the rest of the story for it

[6:31] no no yeah uh now like the future is unwritten yeah exactly

[6:35] yeah i think this part of the future is pretty well written

[6:41] that the only way to save you from the sin of onan is if we watch the movie

[6:46] if the past is prelude then yes

[6:50] if we can look to the past for uh guidance in our future then sure certainly yeah the tea leaves tell

[6:56] me the rune stones yeah yeah uh so i cut open a goose's liver and it told me you'd be masturbating

[7:03] at some point was that goose liver right only time will tell time and dan's masturbation diary

[7:12] it seems like a sort of unnecessary murder of a goose because i think that you could probably

[7:16] have surmised that that was going to happen at some point the goose is still with us in fact

[7:20] here he is right now dan mccoy this is your sex life i'm a goose you're gonna you know play with

[7:28] yourself at some point good night everybody it's weird that goose came out doing a duck impression

[7:32] but it's a living he's transitioning sure from goose to duck so dan before i dig any deeper holes

[7:39] for myself uh let's say again what movie we watched tonight we watched a movie called monster

[7:44] trucks or it was a monster truck i think it's monster trucks and the movie did fulfill its

[7:50] mandate of plural monster trucks movie opens smash cut we see an open field and the most beautiful of

[7:59] all creatures running through that field that's right a giant truck uh so we immediately know

[8:07] we're in for it because we're about to see a truck driving around we're like okay the movie's

[8:11] it's providing a truck but can it provide a monster well we'll see because driving that

[8:16] truck is kind of a jerky asshole dude who makes fun of a character we'll eventually find out is

[8:21] our hero and one of them is i don't remember trick trip okay let me okay so trip is your normal

[8:30] average teenager who looks like he's pushing 30 riding the school bus because his family can't

[8:35] afford to buy him a cool truck like the only other teenage boy who seems to go to school

[8:42] i mean we see there's two teenage boys in this movie other than our hero yes there's the jerk

[8:46] who has a truck that he can't pay for it's a big green truck we don't know he can't pay for it till

[8:50] the end and then a boy who's much younger apparently uh who's not even 16 whose dad

[8:57] owns a truck dealership so it's a very truck center he appears to also be in his 20s but okay

[9:02] really in a small town let's call it truckton where trucks are the main export main import

[9:09] currency industry religion everything loves trucks there's but dogs love trucks people love trucks

[9:16] trucks they probably love trucks i mean at least the cover of aerosmith's pump

[9:22] trucks are loving each other trucks have sex on the cover of aerosmith's pump yeah well i'm not

[9:29] familiar with that toy didn't you buy that record just so you could listen to loving the elevator

[9:34] like a million times i thought you were gonna like love in the elevator yeah loving that elevator

[9:38] didn't you buy that when it goes up and sometimes when it goes down i thought you were gonna like

[9:42] didn't you buy that record so you could look at that picture of trucks having sex yeah so

[9:47] love in an elevator is uh is there's no subtext to that song right it's literally just about having

[9:52] sex in an elevator yeah that's the one it's not even like telling a story of a time he had sex

[9:58] in elevator or is it well it's about

[10:00] I mean, there is that skit at the beginning where it's a woman who is clearly, you know, making, has a decent job as a elevator operator, and, you know, Steven Tyler gets on there, he's just a real whirlwind of scarves and hair, a real Tasmanian devil, and she...

[10:24] Put a scarf on the Tasmanian devil, take his shoes off, that's Steven Tyler.

[10:28] She talks to him for a little bit. She asks him if he's going down, and he's like, hell yeah. I think he actually just laughs or chuckles or something. You're like, oh, I get it now.

[10:37] And then you look at the cover of the record and you're like, oh, this is dirty. I thought those two trucks were just awkwardly posed.

[10:43] Because my assumption is, here's the thought process of what Steven Tyler said. He's entered the hotel he's staying at. Aerosmith is, as always, on tour around the world.

[10:55] Do I need to pose the correction that clearly the elevator is in an apartment store because the operator lists what's on the different floors?

[11:03] So it's an apartment store.

[11:04] Sorry to flush out the floor a little more. I understand.

[11:07] Let me re-imagine this.

[11:09] You're painting this picture. How cold is Steven Tyler's neck?

[11:12] Oh, because it's well scarfed, it is very warm.

[11:15] All right.

[11:16] In fact, maybe a little too warm because it's getting a little hot in this elevator.

[11:18] Balmy.

[11:20] Now, he is just glad to be alive because the Revolution X is over and he's been saved after being taken hostage by the would-be revolutionaries by you, the player, using a prop-mounted machine gun in the arcade cabinet.

[11:36] That was a Sega CD game?

[11:38] I knew it as an arcade game, so I don't know.

[11:40] Perhaps it was, yes, a Sewer Shark or a Night Trap, a Sega CD game.

[11:45] Night Trap, which is coming back.

[11:47] Better than ever.

[11:49] So he's like, oh, I feel alive. I feel good. I've just did a great show.

[11:54] I was saved from these revolutionary hostage-takers, and now I'm in this elevator and this elevator operator.

[12:00] And right off the bat, he's like, it's a little weird there's an elevator operator in this elevator because it's the 1980s.

[12:05] All these elevators have been switched to automatic mechanisms.

[12:09] Is it like the first time I ever went to a gas station in New Jersey and was like, who is this person accosting my vehicle?

[12:16] Manhandling my gas tank.

[12:18] Yes, exactly.

[12:19] So he's like, did I wander into the Shining Hotel?

[12:22] Is it the 1920s?

[12:23] Have I always been here?

[12:25] And she says, Mr. Tyler, can I call you that?

[12:28] Liv's dad?

[12:29] We get this a lot.

[12:30] No, it's just a thing that we do at this department store, kind of an old-timey store.

[12:34] Anyway, let me ask you.

[12:36] There's a lot of floors above us.

[12:40] I'm Steven Tyler, right?

[12:42] Uh-huh, sure.

[12:43] Are you going down?

[12:44] And here's his thought process.

[12:46] I just walked into the elevator on the ground floor.

[12:49] Either there's a basement showroom, which I was not aware of and did not appear on the store directory, which I consulted in detail to know which floor I should go to for my men's bathing garments, which is what I was here to buy.

[13:03] My bathing scarf.

[13:04] Needing a bathing scarf to make sure my neck does not get cold in the pool at the hotel where I'm staying.

[13:12] So he's saying, so why would she ask if I was going down when there is no lower floors?

[13:16] Well, Steven, let's put our mind to this, shall we?

[13:18] Going down means – okay, definition number one.

[13:22] Let's check my mental dictionary.

[13:24] It means to move downwards in position.

[13:27] All right.

[13:28] The elevator can't go any further down than it is.

[13:30] And also notice the elevator –

[13:31] Let me just check the buttons.

[13:32] Yes, there's no basement button on the elevator.

[13:34] So that confirms what the directory told me.

[13:37] There's no lower floors.

[13:39] The elevator operator is making a strange, like, leering face and is pointing at a bucket of slop on the floor of the elevator.

[13:48] I don't know what that means.

[13:49] Slop?

[13:50] The slop I'm not aware of.

[13:51] I don't know what's going on.

[13:53] So let's – the slop seems like some kind of strange, mysterious X factor.

[13:56] Let's remove the slop from our thinking right now because it's possible that it was left here by, say, a pig farmer who stopped in to buy his own bathing accoutrements while on the way to feed his pigs.

[14:07] And it's trough with slop.

[14:08] So let's take the slop and let's place it in what we're going to call a non-effective agent.

[14:15] This is something that I can safely remove from the scenario.

[14:19] If I was Sherlock Holmes, I would say, deductively, rationally, what are the things that I should be able to be looking at for clues?

[14:25] This slop doesn't fit into the schema of the scenario, so perhaps I'll set it aside.

[14:30] So number two definition for going down, well, that would be – I mean kind of halfway to an innuendo for performing oral sex on someone.

[14:39] Let me just quickly check my mental dictionary of sexual positions.

[14:42] Can men do that to women?

[14:44] They can.

[14:45] Okay, I remember it.

[14:46] I saw it in a magazine once, not one that I bought, one that was shown to me by the other toxic twin whose name escapes me at the moment, though I have been performing with him for years because I am –

[14:56] Joe Perry.

[14:57] Mr. Perry, as I call him.

[15:00] He showed it to me one day and I said, please, sir, take that away from me.

[15:04] That's not how I get my kicks, young man.

[15:07] Do I look crazy to you?

[15:10] Because it would be amazing if I did.

[15:12] I would be crying.

[15:14] If I had to look at that for another moment.

[15:16] Now, that gives me an idea for three different songs.

[15:18] I'll file that away for some future time when Alicia Silverstone is old enough to appear in a video for me.

[15:24] Now she's just a young child I assume since she's not famous at the moment.

[15:28] Now, getting back to the situation with the elevator operator, the way she's looking at me, let me just look up on my pocket device, which I have because I'm from the future.

[15:37] This is one of the things a lot of people don't know about Steven Tyler.

[15:39] God, how long is this going to go on?

[15:41] Female arousal facial expressions.

[15:43] Okay, madam, elevator operators, let me just hold this up to you.

[15:48] Yes, I see a number of similarities here.

[15:50] What's going on?

[15:51] Okay, yes.

[15:53] Googling female arousal facial expressions.

[15:55] So elevator operator X, let me posit a scenario to you, and if I am incorrect, I apologize profusely.

[16:02] I, Steven Tyler, will make good with tickets for free to any of my Aerosmith musical shows or anything like that.

[16:09] Perhaps a free play token for Revolution X, the arcade game based on my real life kidnapping.

[16:14] Just a single one.

[16:15] That's equal value to that and a musical performance.

[16:18] Let me posit to you that you are suggesting to me that you would like me to perform a sexual act on you.

[16:24] Perhaps in return I will receive a sexual act or favor from you.

[16:28] I assume you would stop the elevator between floors, and then we would do that deed, to put it in crude terms, and then –

[16:36] So will I buy a ticket to a one-man show or whatever?

[16:39] It's a one-man show called Steven – Elliot Kaelin is Steven Tyler loving in an elevator tonight.

[16:46] So Dan, monster trucks.

[16:48] We're in a world where –

[16:50] Where there's monsters and trucks.

[16:52] Tripp is a high school student who's not – he can't afford a truck.

[16:55] He's not popular.

[16:56] He has no girlfriend.

[16:57] A 26-year-old high school student.

[16:58] He's a roughly 26-year-old high school student.

[17:00] He lives at home with his mom.

[17:02] Played by Amy Ryan.

[17:03] Amy Ryan, who's in the movie literally in two scenes.

[17:05] Yeah.

[17:06] One of them has no audio.

[17:08] One with no words, and his stepdad played by Barry Pepper.

[17:12] Or maybe it's just his mom's boyfriend, but I thought stepdad.

[17:17] I think it's his boyfriend because – his boyfriend.

[17:22] Her boyfriend because the problem is he's worried that he won't stick around.

[17:27] It's like that's the big conflict.

[17:29] So he's constantly throwing salt on Barry Pepper.

[17:32] I got it.

[17:34] Still got it, guys.

[17:35] Classic Stew Ellington condiment material.

[17:38] Now, at this point, we've been introduced to Amy Ryan and Barry Pepper,

[17:41] and we're like there can't be any more stars in this movie.

[17:43] Oh, no.

[17:44] Oh, no, no, no.

[17:45] Look out to the heavens tonight, listeners.

[17:47] You'll notice the skies are dark.

[17:49] And why is that, Stuart?

[17:51] Because Danny Glover's in this movie.

[17:55] Because all the stars are in monster trucks if by all the stars we mean Amy Ryan,

[18:00] Barry Pepper, Danny Glover, and Frank Whaley.

[18:02] And Rob Lowe's in it too.

[18:04] Rob Lowe and Thomas Lennon.

[18:06] Thomas Lennon.

[18:07] The writer of the script for Night of the Museum, Thomas Lennon.

[18:10] Yes.

[18:11] Reno 911's Thomas Lennon, a.k.a.

[18:14] He also wrote that Balls of Fury movie, I think.

[18:17] Herbie Fully Loaded.

[18:23] Hey, guys.

[18:24] Just breaking in here for a second.

[18:26] So we had a bunch of technical difficulties.

[18:31] We kept having to stop the recording because there was a thing where our,

[18:38] what we said just turned into crazy beep boop noises.

[18:42] We would look at the waveform and it was a bunch of squares rather than normal

[18:46] waveform things.

[18:47] And we'd be like, that's not right.

[18:49] We are a bunch of squares.

[18:50] And we checked back and it was making terrible noises.

[18:53] So we switched the internal microphone on the computer.

[18:58] The word we were looking for was computer.

[19:00] If this episode suddenly sounds a lot worse, that's why.

[19:05] And we apologize.

[19:06] We're going to hopefully be able to fix this in future episodes.

[19:10] Yeah, it's pretty easy.

[19:11] Just take your podcast player, go over to unsubscribe,

[19:15] and just mash your thumb against it until your iPhone screen breaks.

[19:21] That will correct our recording problem?

[19:23] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[19:24] You won't have to worry about it anymore.

[19:26] No, I think it's time for,

[19:28] I've had this computer for something like seven years now.

[19:32] Whoa, check him out.

[19:34] Whoa, someone's looking at new computers and got a little interested.

[19:38] I think it's time for us to switch over and get a new computer.

[19:44] But I apologize for how this audio probably sounds right now.

[19:50] But there's nothing we can do about it.

[19:52] So, hooray, better this than no episode, right?

[19:56] Talking about monster trucks, I'm not so sure.

[20:00] And let's just talk about monster trucks.

[20:02] OK.

[20:03] So this oil company, Teravex, it's

[20:05] drilling in an underwater lake, an underground lake.

[20:07] Uh-oh, it finds some kind of strange life form,

[20:10] these tentacle monsters, and it captures two of them,

[20:13] but a third one goes on the loose.

[20:15] Uh-oh, it ends up appearing at the junkyard

[20:18] that Tripp works at.

[20:20] Tripp managed it.

[20:21] He sees it, and it scares him, and he calls the police.

[20:24] The police run by his mom's boyfriend, Barry Pepper,

[20:27] who's the sheriff in the town.

[20:29] But the monster's gone by the time they show up,

[20:31] and he's like, what?

[20:31] What?

[20:32] Uh.

[20:32] Barry Pepper doesn't believe him, thinks it was a prank,

[20:35] but it was no prank.

[20:36] It was a monster.

[20:37] As Tripp finds out, when he traps the monster

[20:40] by baiting a trap with oil, because these animals eat oil,

[20:46] turns out to be some kind of big tentacle monster.

[20:49] Stuart, Dan, want to describe this monster for us?

[20:51] The titular monster in the truck?

[20:53] It's like a cute Cthulhu.

[20:55] It's like an adorable dog of a Cthulhu.

[20:58] Yeah, it's kind of like if the monster from Deep Rising

[21:02] was a little cuter.

[21:05] Not much, but like a little bit.

[21:07] That's it.

[21:08] It struck me as like an adorable version

[21:10] of the squid from Prometheus.

[21:12] Oh, I was thinking that, too.

[21:13] Yeah.

[21:14] Not quite as sexy, though.

[21:15] The squid from Prometheus is very sexy.

[21:17] Oh, tell me about it.

[21:18] Just leave me alone with that squid for a couple minutes.

[21:20] Yeah, or leave me with that or like one of those beefcakes.

[21:23] And I'm like, I can't help myself from one

[21:25] of those big white beefcakes.

[21:26] Wait, you mean like a meat pie?

[21:29] Well, no.

[21:30] Like a British-style pub meat pie?

[21:32] Yeah, let me think about Prometheus.

[21:34] All the meat pies in that.

[21:35] No, idiot.

[21:36] Ha, ha, ha, ha.

[21:40] I'm talking about the big white beefcake dude

[21:42] who rips off that dude's head and throws it around.

[21:44] Yeah, like when he strips that down in the beginning

[21:46] and then drinks that thing that turns him into DNA goo

[21:49] so he can seed life on a planet?

[21:52] Yeah, yeah.

[21:54] We've all been there, right, Dan?

[21:55] Seeding life on the planet when we strip down?

[21:58] Yeah, I mean, I talked about it earlier in the podcast.

[22:00] Yeah, so when Dan does that to himself,

[22:04] when he abuses himself like that, what he's really doing is

[22:06] I wouldn't call it abuse.

[22:08] It's consensual, I guess.

[22:09] He's trying to just spread genetic material

[22:12] into the world in order to create biodiversity.

[22:15] I hate to break it to you, Dan.

[22:16] That's not how it works.

[22:17] No?

[22:19] I can't reproduce just by putting my spores

[22:22] all over the place?

[22:24] Yeah, you smear your hand around on library books

[22:26] like in Squid and the Whale.

[22:27] Or Ghostbusters.

[22:28] Squids!

[22:29] Of course, which brings us back to monster trucks.

[22:33] Now, Trip also becomes friends with Meredith,

[22:36] his classmate played by Jane Levy.

[22:38] Levy?

[22:40] Let's say Levy.

[22:41] Levy, who is totally into him

[22:44] and he just cannot read the signs.

[22:47] And as we mentioned while watching the movie,

[22:50] Dan's crush notwithstanding,

[22:52] she is certainly better than the material she's given.

[22:55] Yeah, sure.

[22:56] Jane Levy's great.

[22:57] She was in Suburgatory,

[22:58] which is an underrated little sitcom.

[23:02] Oh, okay.

[23:03] I didn't know what it was underrated.

[23:04] I couldn't tell.

[23:05] Wait, wait, we're trapped in a vortex of vocal fry.

[23:09] She was in the Evil Dead remake.

[23:11] She was the hero of that.

[23:13] So much vocal fry.

[23:14] Yep.

[23:15] Is Barack Obama here?

[23:17] She was the hero of Don't Breathe.

[23:21] It's all, she's very good.

[23:24] I like her a lot.

[23:25] Well, she is the nerd character,

[23:27] which means she's beautiful.

[23:29] And because as we were talking about-

[23:31] Yeah, because like Roman Mars says,

[23:33] we're all beautiful nerds.

[23:35] I'm paraphrasing.

[23:36] Or as Christina Aguilera says, we're all beautiful nerds.

[23:40] Well, she says you are beautiful.

[23:42] Yeah.

[23:43] In every single way.

[23:44] But she's leaving herself out of that.

[23:45] She's not saying we're beautiful

[23:46] because she knows she's hideous.

[23:49] Inside.

[23:51] No, I'm sure she's a fine person.

[23:52] She's the voice or whatever.

[23:53] Anyway, so Tripp and Meredith,

[23:57] they find out that this creature,

[23:58] who Tripp names Creech, is-

[24:01] Oh, it's short for creature, I guess.

[24:03] It's short for creature.

[24:04] That's better than Cher.

[24:06] Yeah, yeah, or Rook.

[24:08] Yeah.

[24:08] Now, he could have given it another name

[24:10] like Slippy or Tentacool.

[24:13] Or Gas Guzzler.

[24:15] Gas Guzzler, Oiliver.

[24:17] Mm, Oiliver is a really good name.

[24:19] Dan, you got one on the tip of your tongue?

[24:22] Octoboy.

[24:25] All right.

[24:25] Okay, well, I guess we'll call it Octoboy

[24:28] for the rest of the episode.

[24:29] Take two.

[24:30] Let's try Dan's next idea.

[24:32] Squidsy.

[24:33] Squidsy?

[24:34] I'm missing Octoboy?

[24:35] Didn't think that was gonna be possible.

[24:38] Give you one more try, three strikes and you're out.

[24:41] Tentaclabular.

[24:42] I kind of like it.

[24:45] I mean, it sounds like a demon in a movie Stewart would like.

[24:49] Yeah, I like that guy, Tentaclabular.

[24:50] You finished the Krugman configuration

[24:52] and Tentaclabular comes out.

[24:54] I heard a prophecy about the Tentaclabular.

[24:56] So, Octoboy, or Creech as they call him,

[25:00] Tripp has two interests in life.

[25:02] One, finding a father figure that he can relate to.

[25:04] Because his dad.

[25:05] Wait, is this, are we talking about

[25:07] Creech's motivations or Tripp's?

[25:08] Tripp's.

[25:09] One, finding a father figure, and two, trucks.

[25:12] Yeah.

[25:13] He works at a junkyard.

[25:14] He loves making trucks.

[25:15] He's refixing up an old truck.

[25:17] He's a real gearhead.

[25:19] Which also sounds like a Hellraiser type character

[25:21] like Tentaclabular is.

[25:22] Yeah, a real grease monkey.

[25:24] Which, again, could also be a centipede.

[25:27] There's almost no two, there's no two two-word phrase

[25:31] that would, could not be a Hellraiser villain.

[25:33] Yeah.

[25:34] Come up with one.

[25:35] Dan, come up with a two-word phrase

[25:36] that can't be a Hellraiser villain.

[25:38] Uh, Clay Derrick.

[25:41] This is not that hard.

[25:43] Clay Derrick?

[25:44] I don't know.

[25:45] That can't be a name.

[25:46] Yeah, classic phrase.

[25:48] It's Derrick, old Derrick.

[25:51] I'm thinking about oil.

[25:52] I got oil on the brain because of Clabulus.

[25:54] That's very dangerous.

[25:55] Tentaclabular.

[25:56] Is that oil on your blame?

[25:57] Or on your brain, I mean, not blame.

[25:58] David Blaine, I guess.

[25:59] Yeah, I put oil all over David Blaine.

[26:00] Oil on love, it only protects him

[26:02] from the ice he's encased in.

[26:04] So, long story short, they make friends

[26:08] with octoboy Tentaclabular's Creech.

[26:11] And it turns out Creech, well, here's where I don't buy

[26:14] what the movie's selling.

[26:15] Creech.

[26:16] Go on.

[26:17] He's the body of a car that Trip is, a truck.

[26:19] I'm so sorry.

[26:20] A truck that Trip has been working on.

[26:22] And he's like.

[26:23] What is weird about that?

[26:23] You know, back in the day when I had a ball python,

[26:28] my ball python, the first thing he did

[26:30] when I just let him hang out in the basement,

[26:32] which was a bad idea, was to immediately find

[26:36] the closest, like, lazy boy recliner,

[26:38] and then wrap himself all up in the guts of that shit.

[26:41] Okay, well, maybe.

[26:42] Took forever to get him out of there.

[26:45] Maybe I'm wrong, then, because Creech

[26:48] winds himself around the axles.

[26:48] By the way, that ball python's name was Bone Crusher.

[26:53] Because when I was a little boy.

[26:54] Isn't that another monster truck?

[26:56] It should be, right?

[26:56] When I was a little boy, when I was very angry at my mom,

[27:00] I would stand at the top of the staircase.

[27:03] And just yell, Bone Crusher.

[27:04] I would stare at her, and I would stomp my feet,

[27:06] and I would say, I'm going to crush your bones

[27:09] and throw them out the window.

[27:11] So I was able to take that moment in my life

[27:15] and transform it into a beautiful creature

[27:18] named Bone Crusher, the ball python.

[27:21] What eventually happened to Bone Crusher?

[27:23] Oh, he died of mouth rot.

[27:24] Oh, that's terrible.

[27:26] No, no, no, it's mouth rot.

[27:26] Mouth rot is crazy, dude.

[27:28] It's, like, super common and the worst thing in the world.

[27:33] It's like, it's a fungal growth in the snake's mouth.

[27:36] Oh, that's horrible.

[27:37] Stuart, am I, am I, am I gonna get mouth rot?

[27:41] If you keep doing what you've been doing lately.

[27:44] Okay, I don't know why you need to mouth shame me,

[27:49] but Dan, just open up your pocket.

[27:51] I'll slip some dental dams in there.

[27:53] Wait, why would that?

[27:55] When he's making out with ball pythons.

[27:58] Now, Creech twines himself around the axles of this truck,

[28:02] and Tripp finds that Creech can just live inside the truck

[28:06] with a few manipulations of the truck,

[28:08] and by controlling when Tripp can see the outside world

[28:12] from inside, or when Creech can see the outside world

[28:15] from inside the truck,

[28:16] Tripp can make him motor the truck and drive it around.

[28:18] Now, the movie posits, it's brought up briefly by Meredith,

[28:22] that this is not, doesn't seem like the best way

[28:24] to treat this new, beautiful animal,

[28:26] and Tripp says, he likes it, come on.

[28:29] So, and the movie kind of expects us to buy that,

[28:31] otherwise the rest of the film

[28:33] is the enslaving of a new life form.

[28:35] He likes it.

[28:36] Just to him, singing those spirituals.

[28:38] That's great.

[28:40] He always is smiling when I walk by.

[28:42] Whenever I ask him if he likes it, he says, yes sir, yes.

[28:48] What, he ran away in the middle of the night,

[28:50] but I thought he loved me.

[28:52] So, if you haven't seen the trailers for Monster Trucks,

[28:55] or seen the movie, which you probably shouldn't,

[28:58] you don't understand that, how does a tentacle monster

[29:01] make the wheels of a car go fast?

[29:03] Oh, please explain this to me.

[29:04] It all has to do with, when he wraps one of his tentacles

[29:07] around something, I'm talking about Creech, not Tripp.

[29:10] We don't ever talk about Tripp's tentacles.

[29:12] No, or fingers, as they're also known.

[29:14] Creech's tentacles, when he wraps it around something metal,

[29:18] things start to glow a little bit.

[29:20] They're a little cilia.

[29:21] And then the cilia make that shit rotate super fast,

[29:24] and of course, Dan was over there in the corner,

[29:26] imagining what it would do to your weenus, right Dan?

[29:31] We're gonna do a lot of talk about manipulation

[29:33] of Dan's weenus in this episode.

[29:35] I say, let's put a...

[29:35] It's a theme of the show.

[29:37] Let's put a...

[29:38] That's gonna be in the tag in iTunes.

[29:40] Dan's weenus?

[29:41] Explicit, followed by Dan's weenus.

[29:44] I think let's put a moratorium on talking about

[29:47] some kind of hand, or digit, or paw,

[29:50] manipulating Dan's genitals.

[29:52] Let's just take that off the table of topics

[29:55] for the moment.

[29:56] Later, maybe we can get back to...

[29:58] Maybe, what about a talon?

[30:00] If I mean I would not recommend it all right, but you could go for it sure if you want to pay a hawk

[30:05] To do that to you

[30:12] The wheels go which I say is silly

[30:15] Huh

[30:26] So

[30:27] The company they've caught to it. They've caught creatures parents

[30:30] Yeah, and they know if it word gets out that this amazing oil-eating life form that's never been seen before

[30:36] Lives there. They're not gonna be able to drill for oil and so Rob Lowe

[30:39] He tasks Thomas Lennon with finding out where the what the deal is or Dillio as the kids would say

[30:44] Yeah with these aliens so they can kill them all I guess but Thomas Lennon

[30:49] He comes to really like the two that he has he's experimenting on

[30:54] They're all pretty adorable. They are pretty adorbs for like a big blob

[30:58] It's like adorable snot like if snot was cute. It would be Creech

[31:03] Yeah, okay, that's that's a better tagline for the poster then on March 13th meet Creech

[31:09] Well the problem is that a lot of people thought that it was supposed to meet Screech

[31:13] No, no like finally that's saved by the bell feature film

[31:17] No now Dan who would play the characters in the same by the bell feature film cast it with current actors

[31:22] Mm-hmm now keeping in mind that Dennis Haskins will be playing. Mr. Belden. He's taking a role from a John Hodgman type

[31:29] I would say like a David Techner

[31:32] sure

[31:33] so

[31:35] For what's-his-face the lead guy

[31:38] For some reason Dan

[31:40] Intentionally forgot the name of the character said Morris. We've got

[31:45] like Prometheus Michael Fassbender and a

[31:48] Blonde wig really not Zac Efron who is perfect for the role is already named Zack

[31:54] He's more of an AC Slater type. He's got that body although no way in the Rock Johnson would be great

[31:59] Dwayne the Rock Johnson BAC Slater, and they'd like de-aging with computers

[32:03] Yeah, but who would play Screech like a Jay Baruch shell Screech is an elderly

[32:11] Wow, you know that that Eddie Deason is like Dustin Diamond stole all my best

[32:16] Eddie Deason's like between takes you're gonna have to submerge me in that swimming pool with cocoon testicles

[32:24] And who would play Lisa Turtle a

[32:27] Turtle

[32:32] Who would play Jesse Spano played originally by Elizabeth Brackley now

[32:35] That's at least a turtle I should mention was played by Lark Voorhees AC Slater by Mario Lopez

[32:39] Yeah, apparently it's played. He's played by she's played by Fisher Stevens an actual turtle

[32:47] So Dan who would play Jesse Spano who remembers the activist?

[32:52] Carrot-top

[32:56] It's non-binary, bro. Yeah, it's creative forecasting and now what everybody's sweetheart Kelly Kapowski. Oh, man

[33:04] every dream every

[33:06] Person's dream dream boy or girl who knows yeah?

[33:10] Or I'm assuming even screeches a robot wanted to be with his name was Kevin and yes

[33:16] Tell me out here Stu. What do you think?

[33:18] Okay, let's see we're gonna need somebody I mean Emma Stone's the most obvious American sweetheart. I can think of okay

[33:23] Emma Stone's pretty good for that. Yeah, mm-hmm

[33:26] So I'm a student Michael Fassbender now. I guess Hollywood get in touch with us for

[33:32] Are we their agents?

[33:34] You gotta pay us for the site

[33:37] The hard part is gonna be finding a turtle that you carry the role of Lisa

[33:42] I don't know that would be hard to carry the role of Lisa. They did not give her a lot

[33:47] They gave her plenty to do no sometimes. I feel like she was the

[33:52] Traits

[33:53] She's rich. There's that episode where she broke her leg and had to learn and answer the dance competition. Yeah, she's into fashion

[34:01] That's all these things are true. She is

[34:04] eternally beset upon by

[34:06] Screech who is I think at that point that's like emotional abuse yeah when your friend is constantly badgering you like that

[34:13] Well the thing is and this is look. I'm not one of those guys. Who's like oh the friendzone. Oh, man these women

[34:20] What are you talking about last week you were complaining about the friendzone to me for like three hours

[34:24] My wife put me in the friendzone

[34:28] I'm just trying to get with my wife, but she's only put me in the friendzone

[34:32] Because you guys have a child

[34:35] ESPN zone my favorite theme restaurant, but no but screeches. It's like screech get the message. She's not into you

[34:42] It's more healthy for you to figure out somebody else to be with maybe Tori

[34:47] Was on the show sometimes yep, yep travel back in time to the Tori years

[34:52] Travel back to Indiana when they when Tori was a cast member right now. I think it was later than that okay

[34:58] So the other thing is

[35:03] Screens should date outside of their immediate circle if only to add more

[35:07] Add more students to the to the spotlight like there was that episode where they do a fucking

[35:13] They do a what do you call those things where you bury something in the yard with all your memories?

[35:19] a time capsule the time

[35:26] Like a remember me dig so they crack over the time capsule, and they're putting together a time capsule school, right?

[35:33] Yeah for the entire school and all the memories above six fucking students. Are you kidding me here's that is trash

[35:39] Here's my theory have either of you ever heard the story I have no mouth and I'm a scream

[35:44] There's like five or six people left in the world

[35:47] And they're all being kept alive so that they can be tortured by a computer that has taken over the planet

[35:54] That's the situation basically

[35:57] Humanity died out long ago except for our heroes on the saved by the bell plane anyone else they see maybe mr.

[36:03] Bell is one of them. I don't know it's just like a fiction created by the computer

[36:07] It's a real matrix. I also like that guy that AC Slater catches smoking a joint in the bathroom

[36:12] He's just part of the major exactly and Max loans the max

[36:17] The diner that's also on school. What about the manager of the max who Kelly starts dating for a while?

[36:24] I think just to turn Zack into like an angry cook

[36:29] That was a

[36:31] Dark storyline this also explains how Zack could get a 1502 on his SATs because he never really took them

[36:38] It's just all part of the computer program. Okay, so and is that how?

[36:43] Jesse Spano was able to kick her addiction to caffeine pills so quickly so instantly. Yeah. Yeah guys

[36:49] We've talked about all the episodes that sewer remembers

[36:51] So you don't remember when's the behind the music about Zack attack the casey-casey? Oh shit, I do remember that yeah, maybe that was all just part

[36:58] That's why they're saying that song. I think that goes. Oh, we'd always be together

[37:05] So it was after that episode aired that some fucking coked up studio head is like

[37:10] Fucking dude, let's just make a whole show about that and call it, California. Dream

[37:15] That's what happened some monster trucks

[37:18] That's what happened some monster trucks anyway, I think is it clear what and how

[37:25] This movie really didn't capture our imagination

[37:29] It's like your classic

[37:31] Alien being befriends a kid and they have to go save the other aliens from a evil company or government or whatever

[37:38] like that it's as

[37:40] Template of that as it could possibly be yeah, you have a town where there are let's wait till final judgments here

[37:46] Oh, okay, cuz maybe you loved it

[37:48] Maybe I loved it that the population of this town consists of trip his mom who we see twice the entirety of the movie

[37:54] His mom's boyfriend the sheriff the sheriff's two deputies a poor car dealership owner a pork

[38:00] Yeah, lost most of his business a used car dealer

[38:03] Who's about to defraud an old man until during a car chase?

[38:07] Creatures truck runs over almost the entirety of the stock and then dumps paint all over him

[38:12] Yeah, ruining his suit that looked like it was worth. I don't know all of $20

[38:16] yeah, he was a real better call Saul and

[38:19] that then also

[38:20] There's the girl who refers to a father many times who we never actually see and this other kid who?

[38:27] Own a car dealership you can paint a picture of her father just through his possessions

[38:32] That's true. He possesses a barn with a horse in it two horses two horses

[38:35] She says he never goes in there and also a cabin up by late feeds the horses

[38:41] The horse fairy okay now anyway

[38:45] Trip is like we gotta help Creech find his parents or whatever

[38:50] And there's a couple different chases as the company hires the kind of bounty hunter

[38:56] I guess to track down Creech. He's like the security for the company. He's just the head of security

[39:02] But yeah, as you say he's kind of like Blackwater type

[39:06] He's yeah, the cool thing about this guy is he wears those black latex gloves that?

[39:11] That tattoo artists wear or like douchey celebrity chefs wear on TV shows

[39:20] Yeah, I mean sure he doesn't want his fingerprints on his taser

[39:23] he's like

[39:24] There's nothing funnier to me than the like a celebrity chef who instead of wearing normal like latex gloves in a kitchen is like

[39:31] I'm gonna wear these cool black ones

[39:35] I'm not saying this true. Okay now this maybe only happens on bar rescue

[39:41] I watch MTV

[39:43] Yeah, cuz you're like I need to understand how to rescue my own bar. I need to rescue my own bar

[39:48] It's be going down the tube

[39:49] I got a Dan McCoy propping up one and scaring all my customers who pay because he's always wearing a werewolf mask

[39:56] I know and I'm like hey, dude. How are you even drinking with that?

[40:00] I use a straw.

[40:01] Oh.

[40:02] I mean, you'd think seeing a werewolf drinking through a straw would defuse a lot of the

[40:07] scare tension.

[40:08] But it makes it even more strange.

[40:10] Yeah.

[40:11] It's like a lion wearing a birthday hat.

[40:13] It should be cute, but it's kind of scarier.

[40:15] Yeah.

[40:16] Did it eat a birthday hat?

[40:17] It ate it so quickly that the hat flew out of the air and then landed directly on his

[40:22] head.

[40:23] Yeah.

[40:24] He just shoved his mouth over the kid's head in such a way that the hat flew onto his head.

[40:29] Sure.

[40:30] Thank you for explaining what I just said.

[40:31] I thought I had a different way to say it, but it turns out I didn't.

[40:36] Triff and Meredith, the girl who wants to be his girlfriend, but he's just not reading

[40:39] the signals, which is a realistic portrayal of a teen boy.

[40:44] Teen boys do not know how to read signals from girls.

[40:46] Although, like, this guy, he's so fucking interested in trucks that it is really getting

[40:52] in the way of, like, this girl is, like, so clearly into him.

[40:56] Yeah.

[40:57] He's, like, jumping on him, and he's like, oh, but truck.

[41:00] Yeah.

[41:01] It was interesting.

[41:02] You don't have wheels.

[41:03] Where's your windshield?

[41:04] It was interesting that they went with...

[41:05] Where's your cargo hold?

[41:06] Do you have a four-wheel drive?

[41:07] Can Kevin Solo fit in your cargo hold?

[41:08] Tell me about your torque.

[41:09] That's what his... he has a t-shirt that says, Tell Me About Your Torque.

[41:22] So it's interesting that the...

[41:25] Is this a Hemi?

[41:26] It's interesting that the casting director went with just a, like, a traditional handsome

[41:31] type.

[41:32] You know, like a real Tom Noonan.

[41:33] Yeah.

[41:34] As opposed to someone who could act.

[41:39] Yeah.

[41:40] As opposed to somebody who's, like, your everyday average wallflower, Peter Parker type.

[41:47] Well, something we've talked about, I think, before is that how movies... everyone has

[41:51] to be super attractive in the movies, which is kind of how movies have always been.

[41:55] But even a character who's supposed to be an outcast...

[41:57] Like taking a film 1, 2, 3?

[41:59] Well, I mean, that was not a liar.

[42:01] But how even a character who's supposed to be a nerd or an outcast or Peter Parker, for

[42:05] instance, is still, like, a handsome, cool dude.

[42:07] I just watched fucking Arthur the other day.

[42:10] The Ardvark cartoon?

[42:11] Yeah.

[42:12] Arthur the Ardvark starring Dudley Moore.

[42:15] No wonder he's drinking so much.

[42:18] That's why he's squeezing his fist is because he's got the DTs.

[42:25] I'm just looking for an anthill to dig into.

[42:28] Man, what the fuck is...

[42:30] I haven't seen that...

[42:31] Like, I don't even remember watching that whole movie before, and I watched it on Saturday.

[42:34] What is going on there?

[42:36] Why does Liza Minnelli like him?

[42:39] Because he's a charming drunk.

[42:41] Is he charming?

[42:42] Not really.

[42:43] That's the thing.

[42:45] Who made this movie, Dan?

[42:47] Dan, answer for Arthur.

[42:49] He's Dudley Moore, which means he's a little imp of a man.

[42:54] Oh, certainly, yeah.

[42:56] Let's all agree.

[42:57] If Dudley Moore was a normal-sized height human, and he did the same things he did in

[43:01] Arthur or 10 or any of his movies...

[43:03] He'd be arrested.

[43:04] He would be in jail.

[43:05] And rightfully so.

[43:07] But he gets away with it because he's a leprechaun.

[43:10] What if Dudley Moore had been the lead in this movie?

[43:13] What, they playing preach or playing...

[43:17] Wait, is Chris the lead?

[43:19] He's the title character.

[43:20] I guess you're right.

[43:21] So now imagine Dudley Moore holding onto the axles of a truck.

[43:24] And going, vroom, vroom!

[43:26] Oil, please!

[43:28] Yeah, just going on drunken rants.

[43:30] I like it.

[43:31] Dan, can you do a Dudley Moore impression?

[43:32] It seems like it would be right up your alley.

[43:34] Uh...

[43:35] Okay, Ellie, you're drunk.

[43:36] It's me, Dudley Moore.

[43:38] Oh, I'm so drunk right now.

[43:40] Oh, whatcha doing there?

[43:42] Oh, that's not bad, actually.

[43:43] I'll allow it.

[43:45] That was Judge Dredd.

[43:46] Alright.

[43:47] Judge Dredd let you off the charges of bad impressions.

[43:50] I'll allow it.

[43:51] Yep.

[43:52] So, they say, we need some help.

[43:55] Let me go find my dad.

[43:56] They go visit Frank Whaley at his trailer where he lives.

[43:59] He's a miner or something, or a driller.

[44:01] But he rats them out to the company.

[44:04] And they escape.

[44:05] There's a long car chase.

[44:06] Don't gloss over the fact that in the car chase,

[44:11] the hero rams his monster truck through the trailer of his father.

[44:16] I mean, his father ratted him out.

[44:18] But that does not mean that he can destroy his home.

[44:21] There is so much collateral damage in this movie.

[44:24] And so many cars flipping over.

[44:26] We were like, okay, the driver of that car is dead.

[44:28] How many more must Creech slay before he finally reaches refuge?

[44:33] I mean, at least one moment,

[44:35] Jane Levy's character is like,

[44:36] I hope they were wearing their seatbelts.

[44:38] I'm like, I don't think they were.

[44:41] They're in a position to shoot your alien or whatever.

[44:43] They're Splatsville now.

[44:45] Population, those guys.

[44:47] They're those red spots in those driver's ed videos that you see right now.

[44:53] Right now?

[44:54] Right now.

[44:55] But on television?

[44:57] We're watching them right now.

[44:59] Ah, so realistic.

[45:01] Oh, wow.

[45:02] Why are we watching videos on Rotten.com?

[45:04] Wait, does that still exist?

[45:06] I don't know.

[45:07] Dan, is that real or is it all 4chan now?

[45:09] I don't even know what Rotten.com was.

[45:11] That's where you would go when you were in college

[45:12] and you wanted to see gross shit like

[45:14] Chris Farley's crime scene.

[45:16] Yeah, that guy.

[45:17] Chris Farley's crime scene?

[45:19] Yeah, when he died.

[45:20] It was horrible.

[45:22] Chris Farley was stealing diamonds

[45:24] from all the richest dowagers in the world.

[45:26] Yeah.

[45:28] When you want to see a photo of a corpse they found somewhere.

[45:32] In the old days, you had to stand by me

[45:34] and go walk 100 miles to find a corpse.

[45:38] I'm not defending myself in college.

[45:40] I was an idiot for just looking at random things

[45:42] on the internet.

[45:44] It took forever to download shit

[45:46] so you just kind of looked at what showed up.

[45:50] That's the opposite of an excuse.

[45:52] If it took forever to download shit

[45:54] you must have made a concerted effort

[45:56] to look at the things that you looked at.

[45:58] There were four websites, Dan.

[46:00] One of them was AOL.com

[46:02] which is just a portal to other sites, basically.

[46:04] The other one was Rotten.com.

[46:06] Geocities?

[46:08] I like to say geocities

[46:10] because it sounds like atrocities.

[46:12] I imagine a scientist in a movie is like

[46:14] oh, the geocity is off the charts.

[46:16] I've never seen geocities at this level.

[46:18] Speaking of scientists and charts and levels

[46:20] there's an unwieldily long car chase

[46:22] where they go from the middle...

[46:24] Wait, in a movie with trucks in the title

[46:26] there's an unnecessarily long car chase?

[46:28] Oh, but then there's another car...

[46:30] and they escape and blah blah blah

[46:32] and they realize they're going to have to save Preacher's parents

[46:35] which leads us to

[46:37] they finally get everyone escaped

[46:39] and they realize the company is going to pump poison

[46:41] into the underground lake.

[46:43] Thomas Lennon has joined up with our heroes

[46:45] the three of them are like

[46:47] we're going to stop this.

[46:49] Well, we're going to need some trucks.

[46:51] So they overnight refit two trucks.

[46:53] Yeah, they do like a put one foot in front of the other montage.

[46:55] You know, one of those standard

[46:57] Monstro retrofits.

[46:59] Yeah, where they turn it into Monstro, the whale from Pinocchio.

[47:01] Then they swallow Pinocchio

[47:04] Pinocchio's like, thanks guys!

[47:06] He's like, I'm going to tell a shitload of lies

[47:08] so my nose pierces the hull of this whale

[47:12] killing it from the inside

[47:14] like a real Kratos

[47:16] A very dark version of Pinocchio

[47:18] He's like, my nose is stuck in you

[47:20] so I'll drown too, but I take you with me

[47:22] So anyway

[47:24] And Monstro's like

[47:26] congratulations Pinocchio

[47:28] that's the first non-lie you've said all day

[47:30] No! And his nose shrinks back down

[47:32] Uh

[47:34] Monstro is really good at these cat and mouse

[47:36] psychological games

[47:38] So

[47:40] they retrofit these trucks

[47:42] they go to break out Kreacher's parents

[47:44] and now let me just say this

[47:46] this movie is essentially a Flintstones

[47:48] eh, it's a living gag

[47:50] for the entire movie

[47:52] because they're using these tentacle monsters

[47:54] to drive their cars

[47:56] as car engines, that's it

[47:58] someone said, hey, what would it really be like

[48:01] if I had a Flintstones type vehicle

[48:03] that was operated by an animal moving things

[48:05] what would be the

[48:07] let me spin that out to its farthest repercussions

[48:09] the two other gentlemen who get a story credit

[48:11] on this movie helped that one gentleman

[48:13] extrapolate on that idea

[48:15] exactly

[48:17] so they have another car chase

[48:19] to get to the mine to stop them

[48:21] before they pump the lake full of poison

[48:23] this leads to a car chase

[48:25] that is, it's over mountain roads

[48:27] at one point Trip is falling out of

[48:29] hanging onto the open door of the truck

[48:31] over a cliff

[48:33] and the bad guy is trying to ram that truck

[48:35] and Barry Pepper stops that guy with his car

[48:37] rightfully so because that man is trying to

[48:39] murder the son of his girlfriend

[48:41] or just anybody

[48:43] because he's the sheriff

[48:45] good point, it is also his job to just

[48:47] keep law and order in the town

[48:49] Barry Pepper finds an enormous

[48:51] construction equipment machine

[48:53] which leads to a point

[48:55] that I wanted to discuss in greater detail

[48:58] there's some strange geography

[49:00] they reach a mountain pass

[49:02] LA's got a white board up

[49:04] here's the narrow mountain pass

[49:06] let's just call it

[49:08] the gates of Thermopylae

[49:10] and Creech

[49:12] and his parents in their trucks

[49:14] driven by Trip and Meredith and Tom Lennon

[49:16] are ahead of the bad guys

[49:18] because the bad guys are chasing them

[49:20] just to clarify

[49:22] Meredith's truck is powered by the female

[49:24] alien monster

[49:27] that's how you match things up

[49:29] and that monster has

[49:31] a bow on its head

[49:33] that's how you know it's female

[49:35] so you can tell

[49:37] so the head mercenary bad guy

[49:39] he goes

[49:41] light it up and someone sets off

[49:43] a wall of flame to stop the trucks

[49:45] now we've established these alien monsters

[49:47] I don't know what they are

[49:49] they never establish where these things come from

[49:51] they're just shoggoths

[49:53] they have the Innsmouth look

[49:55] they don't like fire

[49:57] none of us like fire

[50:00] Also, they eat oil. I mean, I like fire because it's an important part of modern civilization.

[50:05] I mean, heater of food, destroyer of forests, man's greatest enemy, this building is on fire.

[50:10] Exactly. Is that the right thing for Gremlins 2?

[50:12] Uh, that's close enough. If only they had brought these creatures to Clamp Tower.

[50:17] Oh, yeah. They would have solved all their problems.

[50:20] Yeah. Anyway, so let's look at the geography. There's a wall of flame.

[50:25] Yep. Behind that are our heroes.

[50:27] Behind that are the bad guys. Barry Pepper drives up...

[50:32] And they're like bumper to bumper trying to shove the monsters into the flames.

[50:35] They're super close. And there's this tight mountain pass. There's no room.

[50:38] There's no shoulder. There's no room to pull over.

[50:41] It looks like their only option is to go through the fire and the flames like Dragon Quest.

[50:44] They're gonna have to jump into the fire. So throw some Metallica on the radio.

[50:48] I gotta dance into the fire. The fatal kiss is all they need.

[50:51] Dance into the fire. The fatal kill on a broken dream.

[50:56] That wall is their Venus. That wall is their fire. It's their desire.

[50:59] Yeah.

[51:00] So Barry Pepper shows up in this enormous construction truck. Like huge.

[51:05] It's like a Jawa sandcrawler. It's like a Megaforce or something like that.

[51:11] And it's so big that it is scraping the sides of this mountain tunnel on both sides.

[51:18] Like it is that big. And it manages to bump the bad guy through the flame onto the other side.

[51:26] And then he tips the top of it because it's like a rock crusher dump truck type thing.

[51:31] And the good guys drive up it like a ramp to get over the fire.

[51:36] This all makes perfect sense, Elliot. Where does your question come in?

[51:38] My question is, how did the good guys, I guess, become intangible,

[51:43] allowing the bad guys in this enormous truck to drive through them so that it is now ahead of them?

[51:49] And now they are in the back of the pack,

[51:51] whereas before they were between the bad guys and the fire. How did that happen?

[51:55] Were they able to, like, go into the ground temporarily?

[52:00] Maybe. Maybe they're those shredder-driller machines that he would use in his little cartoons.

[52:06] They use their tentacle powers. They have a lot of tentacle powers because of those monsters.

[52:12] All right. All right. I'll buy it. Tentacle powers.

[52:14] That's very George Lucas, the force of you. But I see where you're going.

[52:18] Did they jump really high in the air?

[52:21] We never see that until they drive all over the truck that has already passed through them.

[52:25] Was there possibly an entire reel of the film?

[52:29] Maybe they yelled, cut, when the movie was...

[52:32] Over the truck.

[52:33] Yeah. Then they started it up again.

[52:36] Very possible. Now, is it also possible that I was not paying attention for a moment

[52:41] and missed when these trucks, I don't know, drove up a wall to get out of there?

[52:44] Elliot, it looks like we have an email from a B. Pepper.

[52:50] It says...

[52:51] This is highly irregular.

[52:53] It says there was clearly a scene where they jumped over the other guys and then

[52:58] jumped over the giant truck. So it's...

[53:00] If anyone would know, it's the man who was on the set himself, Barry Pepper.

[53:03] Yeah. I mean, he's worked with Steven Spielberg.

[53:06] John Travolta.

[53:07] I mean, this guy's a master.

[53:08] Yeah. Come on.

[53:10] He's a master.

[53:14] That's a reference to Scientology, the movie, The Master.

[53:16] Yeah, yeah, sure.

[53:17] Bazinga.

[53:17] Why would you put a bazinga in there?

[53:20] Oh, you have too many things to understand what I'm saying.

[53:26] What?

[53:26] I did have too many things to understand what you're saying. Anyway, the point is,

[53:30] they jump off a mountain. These creatures get the shit beat out of them inside these trucks,

[53:36] but they make it to the...

[53:37] They're fucking loving it, dude.

[53:39] Oh, yeah. They're loving it. They make it to the poison pumps just a little too late,

[53:44] but they manage to stop the poison pumps in the end.

[53:47] Imagine that's your job, dude, and you're like,

[53:50] man, I just can't wait to get these poison pumps started.

[53:55] Like, oh no, these people are trying to stop me. No, I care enough about my job.

[54:00] These guys are clearly not like city workers. No offense to city workers,

[54:03] but these guys are like, I need to get this shit done,

[54:06] because I got to start pumping poison at a different site in the morning.

[54:10] My assumption is...

[54:10] Maybe they got into the business because that was their passion.

[54:13] Like, their passion was for poisoning animals.

[54:15] Pumping poison, yeah.

[54:17] Yeah, right. I mean, they're like, I'm tired of poisoning kids at Halloween for free.

[54:21] I want to get paid for my passion.

[54:23] And luckily, those guys, the fucking whistle blows,

[54:26] and they're out of there before those trucks show up and start.

[54:29] They must evaporate into their constituent elements because they disappear.

[54:36] Maybe they jump off the cliff like so many alleged lemmings.

[54:40] They use the same shinobi powers that the monster trucks use to avoid the firewall.

[54:46] Yeah, and so they manage to stop all the poison before it gets there too late.

[54:52] The truck that Trip is in falls into this big hole into the underground lake,

[54:56] but he is saved by all the monsters,

[54:58] because it turns out there's a whole colony of tentacle monsters down there.

[55:02] Oh, so the poison would have actually killed something.

[55:04] Oh, it would have killed a lot of things.

[55:06] So no tentacle monsters were killed.

[55:07] Many humans were killed during the car crash.

[55:09] Yeah, we got to assume.

[55:10] And the movie ends with Trip gets a new truck.

[55:14] I mean, in a way, the humans are killed by the instruments they've created for war,

[55:19] so it's kind of fitting.

[55:20] You mean trucks?

[55:21] Yeah, yeah.

[55:22] And passively made civilian consumer cars?

[55:26] I mean, they knew what they were buying.

[55:27] I mean, that's the subtlety of this movie is like,

[55:31] you really don't know what the movie feels about trucks.

[55:35] Are trucks a force for good?

[55:36] Are trucks a force for bad?

[55:37] It's really about who's in the truck.

[55:38] Yeah, is it a rolling coffin?

[55:40] Yeah.

[55:41] Or is it a speeding Altoids tent full of people?

[55:49] It's hard to know, but you're right.

[55:50] It really presents a double-edged view of trucks.

[55:53] It tells both sides of the tale.

[55:55] So we get a little bit of like an after,

[55:58] not an after credit sequence, but like an afterward,

[56:01] where we see Barry Peps and our hero putting a normal style engine in a truck.

[56:06] I guess that'll work.

[56:07] Trip and his soon-to-be stepdad, I assume,

[56:10] have buried the hatchet and they really come to terms with each other.

[56:13] There's a great shot of Barry Pepper and Amy Ryan walking away from a mailbox.

[56:17] I'm assuming clutching their paychecks that they got from this movie.

[56:23] And we should mention also that earlier in the film...

[56:26] Danny Glover gives a big thumbs up while sitting at the side of the road

[56:29] while his tow truck is taking a crying family's van out of a ditch.

[56:34] When they need a truck to refit earlier in the film for one of Preach's parents,

[56:41] uh-oh, whose truck needs to be repoed?

[56:44] The rich kid who's always taunting Trip in his bright green truck.

[56:48] Who has those fucking arms though, dude?

[56:50] His arms are jacked.

[56:51] As much shit as that dude talks...

[56:54] He can back it up.

[56:55] Look at those arms.

[56:56] Man, he's amazing.

[56:58] Okay, this is not important stuff.

[57:01] We should move on to Final Judgments because we've gone so long.

[57:04] It's all a fish.

[57:07] Because of the technical difficulties, it slowed us down.

[57:09] It didn't help that I talked for a long time about love in an elevator either.

[57:12] Yeah.

[57:13] Before you shut it down, I just want to say there's this great moment where

[57:17] our hero, the jackdude with the truck,

[57:20] sees Trip drive by and he is accepted.

[57:22] You know what?

[57:23] Sometimes it's my lady's time to drive.

[57:25] And he's sitting in the convertible, BW convertible that his girlfriend's driving.

[57:34] And he's holding a big bunch of bags.

[57:36] And he's like, you know what?

[57:38] I can take this role sometimes too.

[57:40] I can be a supportive boyfriend.

[57:41] You have completely misread the situation.

[57:44] Okay.

[57:45] We are supposed to read that as without his truck, he has been emasculated.

[57:50] The woman who was an accessory to him, his girlfriend,

[57:53] he is now an accessory to her.

[57:54] The tables have been turned.

[57:56] Oh, so the look he has on his face when Trip drives by in that sick-ass truck.

[58:00] It is one of Shug Rim.

[58:02] Oh, I thought it was a, take me with you.

[58:05] Well, there's a little bit of...

[58:06] I can be your girlfriend now.

[58:07] There's a little bit of a, yes, I only worship trucks.

[58:11] There's a little bit of the, I've been in your position and the tables can be turned.

[58:15] So enjoy it while it lasts.

[58:17] For all things are transitory, says the Buddha.

[58:20] Oh yeah, he became a Buddhist in between scenes.

[58:22] Did I, the bully, did I not mention that?

[58:25] That explains his jacked arms, you know?

[58:29] Not really.

[58:30] So Dan, final judgments?

[58:31] Yeah, final judgments on this movie.

[58:33] Whether it was a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie, or a movie you kind of liked.

[58:36] Dan's just chomping on the bit to tell us how much he likes it.

[58:38] Champing.

[58:40] I...

[58:41] Chomping.

[58:42] Kind of like this movie, guys.

[58:44] Sure.

[58:46] You love trucks.

[58:47] Dan's also a real gearhead.

[58:49] Yeah, yeah.

[58:50] You can't see as a lot of times when we're recording,

[58:52] he's actually, and yet there are long periods of silence when he's not saying anything.

[58:56] He's actually underneath a truck working on it.

[58:59] Because he always has a truck that he's working on in his apartment.

[59:01] We were watching Mad Max Fury Road and I caught him crying and he's like,

[59:04] I'm like, what's wrong, Dan?

[59:05] Are you sad about what happened to humanity?

[59:07] He's like, no, those trucks got hurt.

[59:10] I just want to hug those trucks and make them feel better and kiss their boo-boos.

[59:14] Yeah, the long periods of silence are not because you guys are fucking yapping,

[59:18] yapping, and yapping.

[59:20] Anyway.

[59:21] Snake to be snake.

[59:21] That describes 10 years of my life, Dan.

[59:28] No, I thought this movie was fun.

[59:34] There's a lot of stuff that was stupid in this movie.

[59:37] There was stuff that I didn't like, such as when the heroes are running over

[59:43] innocent people's property and we're supposed to still like them,

[59:47] even though they're wantonly destroying people's lives.

[59:51] The real monsters are the people who just run private property.

[59:56] Yeah, but I thought it was fun.

[1:00:00] EPA shuts down that big business at the end,

[1:00:02] so we can be like, oh, government finally

[1:00:04] does their job for a change.

[1:00:06] I forgot.

[1:00:06] They plant some endangered horned toad lizards near the lake

[1:00:11] and call the EPA.

[1:00:12] So the EPA shuts down the area as a habitat

[1:00:16] and then arrests Rob Lowe.

[1:00:18] And he's like, yippee.

[1:00:19] The lake is not a good site.

[1:00:22] And he has a look on his face when he hands it up.

[1:00:24] I'm like, oh, oh.

[1:00:26] I've reached climax.

[1:00:28] I thought we said we were going to talk about Dan reaching

[1:00:30] climaxes anymore.

[1:00:32] Sorry.

[1:00:32] I apologize.

[1:00:33] Dan, you liked this movie.

[1:00:35] Yeah, I felt like it was doing sort of an homage

[1:00:40] to 1980s creature kiddie films.

[1:00:43] And on that level, I sort of enjoyed it.

[1:00:45] It was not like an A-level version of that movie,

[1:00:50] but I found like it was a B-level version of that movie.

[1:00:52] I definitely say, having recently watched

[1:00:55] Max Steele, the creature that our hero runs into

[1:01:01] is so much more charming.

[1:01:03] Oh, this is a much better movie than Max Steele.

[1:01:05] Yeah, for sure.

[1:01:07] I think I thought the creature design was all pretty fun.

[1:01:10] Like, I would have liked a little more variety.

[1:01:15] It made me wish for something like the Masters

[1:01:17] of the Universe movie, where like super weird shit

[1:01:20] happens for no reason.

[1:01:22] But, you know, it can't all be Masters

[1:01:24] of the Universe, the movie.

[1:01:26] But yeah, that's the lesson you have to learn in life.

[1:01:31] It can't all be Masters of the Universe, the movie.

[1:01:33] How old are you, darling?

[1:01:34] From one time Steele went into every movie

[1:01:35] assuming it would be Masters of the Universe, the movie.

[1:01:38] If only.

[1:01:39] Million dollar baby.

[1:01:40] I guess it's about a Masters of the Universe character.

[1:01:42] In some ways, I kind of wish that when

[1:01:44] I walked out of that theater in Fort Wayne, Indiana,

[1:01:48] having just seen Masters of the Universe,

[1:01:49] my fucking pupils super dilated and me walking on clouds,

[1:01:55] if some stranger, possibly me from the future,

[1:01:58] was standing there to whisper in my ear,

[1:01:59] they're not all going to be like Masters

[1:02:03] If only so, they would have allowed

[1:02:05] me to amend my expectations.

[1:02:06] I have to assume, kid, you would have angrily

[1:02:08] pushed that warning into the person with the warning

[1:02:11] into the bushes and said, you're wrong, you're wrong.

[1:02:13] Yeah, and if he had pushed me from the future,

[1:02:16] we would have melded into one being

[1:02:17] and dissolved like a time cop.

[1:02:20] Time cop style.

[1:02:22] Ron Silver, RIP.

[1:02:23] Did you give a judgment, though?

[1:02:26] I thought you did.

[1:02:27] I thought I said it wasn't as good as Masters

[1:02:31] On the scale of Masters of the Universe to Max Steel,

[1:02:34] it's in the middle.

[1:02:35] Yeah, yeah, it's closer to, ah, it's in the middle.

[1:02:39] I'll say this about this movie.

[1:02:40] You know, it's not that bad.

[1:02:42] It's not a movie that you're going

[1:02:44] to watch and, like, tell a bunch of dumb jokes during.

[1:02:48] It's, in some ways, more confidently made

[1:02:50] than I expected.

[1:02:52] But it's also not as, like, super wacky and crazy.

[1:02:55] No, for a movie that was made by real professionals,

[1:02:59] there's a lot of people who made this movie who

[1:03:01] made lots of other movies.

[1:03:03] It feels very amateurish and low budget,

[1:03:05] which is weird considering it apparently

[1:03:07] had a very high budget.

[1:03:09] But I will say this.

[1:03:11] If you are an adult, don't bother to watch this movie.

[1:03:16] It will neither be bad enough for you to enjoy it

[1:03:19] or good enough that you'll have fun with it.

[1:03:21] But if you have kids and it's raining out

[1:03:25] and you need them to be quiet so that you can do some work

[1:03:28] at home, maybe you're doing your taxes, I don't know.

[1:03:31] Maybe one of your kids is Dan.

[1:03:32] Yeah, or you're a Dan McCoy.

[1:03:34] Or you're Dan McCoy.

[1:03:35] Who is an adult with a child's brain.

[1:03:37] It's an adult at heart, brain, and every other part.

[1:03:41] And Monster Trucks is available on Netflix.

[1:03:44] Go ahead and let them watch it.

[1:03:46] You know what?

[1:03:46] It's going to be fine.

[1:03:48] Yeah, it's not the best kid who finds a monster movie,

[1:03:50] but it's not the worst.

[1:03:53] If my son says, hey, Dad, can I watch Max Steel?

[1:03:57] I would slap the TV remote out of his hands.

[1:04:00] And I would say, go to your room.

[1:04:02] You are grounded for even thinking about that.

[1:04:04] But if he was like,

[1:04:05] Then he would get on his hoverboard

[1:04:06] and ride all the way to his room.

[1:04:07] And ride back to his space room on the moon.

[1:04:10] Wow, you can afford a room on the moon?

[1:04:13] Oh, it's very expensive, but it's worth it.

[1:04:15] They have the best schools there.

[1:04:17] But if he said, hey, Dad, can I watch Monster Trucks?

[1:04:20] I'd be like, hey, you know what?

[1:04:22] Knock yourself out.

[1:04:24] I'm going to go over here and fold some laundry.

[1:04:34] Judge John Hodgman ruled in my favor.

[1:04:36] Judge John Hodgman ruled in my friend's favor.

[1:04:38] Judge John Hodgman ruled in my favor.

[1:04:41] I'm Judge John Hodgman.

[1:04:43] You're hearing the voices of real litigants,

[1:04:45] real people who have submitted disputes

[1:04:47] to my internet court at the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

[1:04:51] I hear their cases.

[1:04:52] I ask them questions.

[1:04:53] They're good ones.

[1:04:54] And then I tell them who's right and who's wrong.

[1:04:56] Thanks to Judge John Hodgman's ruling,

[1:04:58] my dad has been forced to retire

[1:05:00] one of the worst dad jokes of all time.

[1:05:03] Instead of cutting his own hair with a Flowbee,

[1:05:06] my husband has his hair cut professionally.

[1:05:09] I have to join a community theater group.

[1:05:10] And my wife has stopped bringing home wild animals.

[1:05:13] It's the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

[1:05:16] Find it every Wednesday at MaximumFun.org

[1:05:19] or wherever you download podcasts.

[1:05:23] Thanks, Judge John Hodgman.

[1:05:29] Hey, guys.

[1:05:30] What?

[1:05:31] Hey, what, Dan?

[1:05:32] Hey.

[1:05:33] Did something else break?

[1:05:34] This podcast has a sponsor.

[1:05:37] Or two.

[1:05:38] That's good, because we have some problems.

[1:05:40] This podcast is sponsored in part by Zip Recruiter.

[1:05:44] Zip Recruiter, are you hiring?

[1:05:46] Yes.

[1:05:47] Do you know where to post your job

[1:05:47] and find the best candidates?

[1:05:49] I don't.

[1:05:50] Posting your job in just one place

[1:05:52] isn't enough to find quality candidates.

[1:05:54] Oh, it's not?

[1:05:55] Yeah, that's what I thought, too.

[1:05:57] Look, guys, if you want a good hire,

[1:06:01] you need to post your job on all of the top job sites.

[1:06:04] You gotta cast the widest net to catch the biggest fish.

[1:06:07] Yeah, and with ZipRecruiter.com,

[1:06:10] you can post your job to 100-plus job sites,

[1:06:13] including social media networks like Facebook and Twitter,

[1:06:17] all with a single click.

[1:06:19] Wait a minute.

[1:06:20] That's a site-to-click ratio of like 100 to one.

[1:06:24] Yeah, exactly.

[1:06:25] That's the most you can get out of one click

[1:06:28] without exploding your mouse.

[1:06:31] Yeah, except for some of those sites

[1:06:32] where I click on the thing

[1:06:34] and then a whole bunch of pop-ups show up

[1:06:36] and I'm like, I don't want this.

[1:06:39] Fair point.

[1:06:40] Dan, continue.

[1:06:41] You can find candidates in any city

[1:06:43] or industry nationwide.

[1:06:45] Any city?

[1:06:46] Any city.

[1:06:47] What about St. Petersburg, Florida?

[1:06:50] Yeah, maybe you need somebody to work at the Van Gogh Museum,

[1:06:53] which is a premier attraction at St. Petersburg, Florida.

[1:06:57] You know St. Petersburg?

[1:06:57] I know the Salvador Dali Museum is there.

[1:06:59] That's what I meant.

[1:07:00] I think the Van Gogh Museum is in Amsterdam.

[1:07:02] Oh, you're totally right.

[1:07:04] And I've been to both.

[1:07:06] It's been places Stewart has been.

[1:07:08] Brought to you by ZipRecruiter.

[1:07:09] Dan?

[1:07:10] Just post once and watch your qualified candidates

[1:07:13] roll in to ZipRecruiter's easy-to-use interface.

[1:07:16] And right now, our listeners can post jobs

[1:07:19] on ZipRecruiter for free.

[1:07:21] Whoa!

[1:07:22] By going to ziprecruiter.com slash first.

[1:07:24] That's ziprecruiter.com slash first.

[1:07:26] So if they go to ziprecruiter.com slash first,

[1:07:29] they can post a job listing at no cost.

[1:07:33] ZipRecruiter is getting nothing from it.

[1:07:35] Yeah, that's right.

[1:07:37] ZipRecruiter is allowing people to take advantage of them

[1:07:41] for free at 100 sites at one click

[1:07:44] to post your job postings and hire the best people.

[1:07:48] Now, I'm really hoping ZipRecruiter

[1:07:50] isn't hearing us say this,

[1:07:52] because it sounds like we're taking advantage of them.

[1:07:54] Sounds like they're big chumps.

[1:07:55] I mean, at this point, I hate to say it,

[1:07:59] but gotta go take advantage of this

[1:08:00] before ZipRecruiter realizes what they're doing.

[1:08:02] This is what ZipRecruiter doesn't want you to hear.

[1:08:04] Yeah, this is the message ZipRecruiter's afraid

[1:08:07] you're gonna find out about.

[1:08:08] This is like, look, if you're hiring someone,

[1:08:11] this is the equivalent of you walked into McDonald's,

[1:08:14] you ordered one quarter pounder of cheese.

[1:08:17] Okay.

[1:08:18] It sounds like you've been to a McDonald's recently.

[1:08:21] And they gave you two, but they only charged you for one.

[1:08:26] Now, are you gonna hand back this burger,

[1:08:30] or are you just gonna get out of there as quick as you can

[1:08:33] before they realize their mistake

[1:08:34] and eat two burgers worth of sawdusty meat?

[1:08:37] Are you going to pay them to borrow

[1:08:39] for a burger you eat today?

[1:08:41] No, because that would make you wimpy.

[1:08:43] A fictional character.

[1:08:45] So, ZipRecruiter.com slash first.

[1:08:47] Yeah, one more time to try it for free,

[1:08:49] go to ZipRecruiter.com slash first.

[1:08:52] Our podcast is also sponsored in part by the Black Tux.

[1:08:56] What?

[1:08:57] Looking great for a wedding or special event

[1:08:59] has never been easier than with the BlackTux.com.

[1:09:03] Explain.

[1:09:04] I find looking great for a wedding

[1:09:05] to be a huge imposition and hard to do.

[1:09:08] One, I've gotta already own a suit or buy a new suit.

[1:09:12] I gotta own a tux or buy a tux or rent one.

[1:09:15] And I have to go somewhere to get it,

[1:09:17] I gotta try it on, and it costs a lot of money.

[1:09:19] And the thing that Elliot gets mad about

[1:09:21] is he goes to Build-A-Bear workshop,

[1:09:22] and they're all out of tuxes.

[1:09:24] It's the only size that fits me.

[1:09:27] And can accommodate Elliot's level of body fur.

[1:09:29] And now look, I live.

[1:09:33] Yes, true, okay.

[1:09:36] I have what is referred to in the business

[1:09:39] as a Brian Blessed level of body fur.

[1:09:42] Now, and I live in a New York apartment.

[1:09:45] I don't have a lot of closet space.

[1:09:46] Now I've got suits and tuxes clogging up my closet.

[1:09:50] Dan, is there any way this could be made easier for me?

[1:09:52] Well, look, hey, hey, stop yelling at me.

[1:09:56] I know I was yelling at you and I apologize.

[1:09:58] Why are you making eye contact with Elliot?

[1:10:00] With high-quality rental suits and tuxedos delivered to your door, the BlackTux gives

[1:10:05] you a new way to rent.

[1:10:07] The BlackTux offers free home try-on so you can see the fit and feel the quality of your

[1:10:12] suit months before your event.

[1:10:15] The best part, it's completely done online.

[1:10:18] To get free shipping both ways, plus $20 off your purchase, visit theblacktux.com slash

[1:10:25] flop.

[1:10:27] The blacktux.com slash flop.

[1:10:29] And you can get that deal both ways, right?

[1:10:32] Yeah, no other style.

[1:10:34] Can you get a frame or without?

[1:10:35] Yeah, can you get it animal style?

[1:10:37] Yeah, can I get it, can I get it with whiz?

[1:10:40] Gross.

[1:10:41] Can you get it with whiz or provolone?

[1:10:43] Uh, so I think we've got a couple Jumbotrons too, right?

[1:10:48] Heck yeah, we do.

[1:10:50] J-J-J-Jumbotron.

[1:10:54] Okay, so this message is from William.

[1:10:58] Dan, I'll put the music in in post.

[1:11:00] Thank you.

[1:11:01] The message is for Rollin and Christopher.

[1:11:05] Hey, dudes.

[1:11:11] Is that how it's written?

[1:11:13] I figure you knew this was coming, but I thought you'd appreciate it coming from either a sad,

[1:11:18] defeated, pedantic, and high-pitched, or super cool and sexy voice of an original peach.

[1:11:26] Would you guys be groomsmen at my wedding?

[1:11:30] Rawr!

[1:11:33] That's really nice.

[1:11:34] Yeah, that's great.

[1:11:35] I hope they're listeners.

[1:11:37] I hope they are.

[1:11:38] If not, thanks for writing in.

[1:11:40] And there's also another Jumbotron message.

[1:11:42] This message is for the future child due to arrive as long as nothing goes wrong within the next few months.

[1:11:49] Unlike what's going wrong with our computer and sound system.

[1:11:52] Yes, hopefully the child will not come out making beep-boop noises.

[1:11:55] Oh, man.

[1:11:56] Who is this message from?

[1:11:57] Dave, last name withheld.

[1:11:59] Foley.

[1:12:00] And the message is, Dead Man's Shoes.

[1:12:03] Now that's a film.

[1:12:04] Watch that, peaches.

[1:12:05] My unborn Mishka will value your opinion when she's old enough to value your opinion.

[1:12:10] Anyway, there's this Kopsova woman who's going to plop out a parasite I've given life to.

[1:12:15] So good luck to her, I guess.

[1:12:17] PRRT.

[1:12:18] I don't know how to pronounce that.

[1:12:20] So an enigmatic and strange message.

[1:12:22] Is that an acronym?

[1:12:23] Yeah, it probably means, Please Read Really Tired.

[1:12:27] And I did!

[1:12:29] Yay!

[1:12:30] Now, Dan, I have a Jumbotron message.

[1:12:32] I have a whole Jumbotron message, too.

[1:12:34] Hold on, before we get to that.

[1:12:36] We all have messages.

[1:12:37] You have messages.

[1:12:38] Before we get to that, there's one thing that I should plug, and that's our live show.

[1:12:46] Okay, and that could have come after our Jumbotron.

[1:12:49] No, no, let's plug the live show.

[1:12:51] We already pushed the brakes.

[1:12:52] Let's hear the story.

[1:12:53] Yeah, you pumped them.

[1:12:54] Now let's dump them.

[1:12:55] We have a live show at the Brooklyn Bell House on June the 9th.

[1:13:03] That's 6-9.

[1:13:05] Nice.

[1:13:06] Yeah.

[1:13:07] Yeah, 6-9.

[1:13:08] Nice.

[1:13:09] 2017-18.

[1:13:10] Watching LAP put together like Hercule Poirot.

[1:13:13] Let me take the rest of this one, okay?

[1:13:16] Hey, everybody.

[1:13:17] The Flophouse is doing another one of its rare live shows at the Bell House in Brooklyn.

[1:13:22] Uh-huh.

[1:13:23] In Gowanus.

[1:13:24] You know the Bell House if you've been there.

[1:13:25] It's a great venue.

[1:13:26] It fits the Flophouse like a glove.

[1:13:29] We'll be doing a live recording of a Flophouse episode.

[1:13:32] That's right.

[1:13:33] This is not a movie riffing show.

[1:13:34] We will be recording a real episode of The Flophouse.

[1:13:37] You can hear your totally crazed beer-soaked laughter on tape at a future date.

[1:13:44] Immortalized.

[1:13:45] I like the idea that laughter can be soaked by beer.

[1:13:47] Heck yeah.

[1:13:48] Once again, 10 years of my life.

[1:13:50] And you can also come see us within a few miles of our living domiciles.

[1:13:58] This is a rare live Flophouse show June 9th, 2017 at 7.30 p.m.?

[1:14:07] I believe that's correct.

[1:14:09] This is a Friday night.

[1:14:10] I'll put a link to it on the Bell House.

[1:14:11] It's a Friday night, 7.30 p.m.

[1:14:13] I'll put a link to it on the Bell House.

[1:14:14] I'll put a link to it on the website.

[1:14:16] Thank you.

[1:14:17] Tickets are going fast.

[1:14:18] By the time we're getting around to announcing this on the show, the show is...

[1:14:21] There's about 100 tickets left just based on people who've already bought them off of

[1:14:27] Facebook, off of Twitter.

[1:14:29] So buy these quickly.

[1:14:32] These tickets are going fast.

[1:14:34] If you get a golden ticket, someone has sold you a fake ticket.

[1:14:38] There are no golden tickets.

[1:14:40] If anything, you should buy a ticket so I can say hi to you and you can come hear me

[1:14:44] tell stupid jokes.

[1:14:45] You'll hear us tell stupid jokes.

[1:14:47] We'll do some presentations maybe.

[1:14:49] There'll be a question and answer session.

[1:14:50] We have time to do presentations again, Dan, right?

[1:14:52] That's correct.

[1:14:53] Oh, man.

[1:14:54] I'm going to make such a cool PowerPoint.

[1:14:55] We're going to do all sorts of fun and have all sorts of things.

[1:14:58] So come on down to the Bell House.

[1:15:00] Guys, I have some news I want to share.

[1:15:06] Really brought the room down.

[1:15:08] Yeah.

[1:15:10] So this is going to complicate things, but somebody, one of the original Peaches is moving.

[1:15:19] And it's me, Stuart, from the Blop House.

[1:15:22] Yeah, I'm moving about four blocks away from my new car.

[1:15:25] The apartment has a terrace.

[1:15:29] Yeah, it's going to be great.

[1:15:30] I can't wait.

[1:15:31] It is going to mean that the next month or so is going to be pretty complicated.

[1:15:35] But I'll figure it out because I'm pretty cool.

[1:15:38] All right, sounds good.

[1:15:39] That sounds great.

[1:15:40] I've got another message.

[1:15:41] That's the only message that we need to talk about.

[1:15:43] I have one more message.

[1:15:45] Single message.

[1:15:46] There's another message.

[1:15:47] Yeah, what are you talking about?

[1:15:48] So this is a Jumbotron message, and this message is for Dan and Stuart and all Flophouse listeners.

[1:15:52] Okay.

[1:15:53] And this message is from Elliot, last name withheld, Kalen.

[1:15:56] Okay.

[1:15:57] And it's interesting, Stuart, that you mentioned a move of some kind.

[1:16:00] Yeah, that's weird.

[1:16:01] Why is that interesting?

[1:16:02] It seems that my life is taking an interesting turn, a turn, shall we say, to the west.

[1:16:09] That's right.

[1:16:11] It behooves me to mention here, and I mention it more to then get into a reassurance than to get into an unassurance,

[1:16:18] that my life is moving in a direction that is one I thought would go in for a while to California.

[1:16:27] And so later this year, sometime this summer, my family and I will be leaving the environs of Brooklyn,

[1:16:33] which we have known for many years as our home, where my son was born and raised.

[1:16:37] Technically, he was born in Manhattan.

[1:16:39] But how are you going to do the show?

[1:16:41] And I will be moving to Los Angeles, California, where there are a lot more career opportunities that are not in the early night topical world.

[1:16:50] Elliot, that's the City of Angels.

[1:16:51] You're not dead.

[1:16:53] So checkmate.

[1:16:55] My doctor says different.

[1:16:58] No, he said I would be dead.

[1:17:00] That's really great.

[1:17:01] I've been waiting to find out when we would be able to stop doing this show.

[1:17:05] No, no, no, no, Stuart.

[1:17:07] And let me reassure listeners, I am moving to Los Angeles.

[1:17:10] I'm going to be living there for the foreseeable future, possibly forever.

[1:17:14] But that does not mean the Flophouse is going, because as many people know, we were cursed by an old woman that we met on a dark,

[1:17:21] Or ma'am.

[1:17:23] You're right.

[1:17:24] It was moonless.

[1:17:25] It was just some sort of crone.

[1:17:27] We were cursed to have to come together bimonthly or twice a month to watch bad movies.

[1:17:34] And so that curse will continue.

[1:17:36] I will, alas, not be at Dan's apartment recording these episodes in the future.

[1:17:42] Oh, wow.

[1:17:43] You seem really broken up about that part.

[1:17:45] Yeah, I won't have to deal with a cat that jumps on my lap and claws at my penis when I'm trying to talk.

[1:17:49] That happened once.

[1:17:50] It happened multiple times.

[1:17:52] And is that right, penis?

[1:17:54] Yes.

[1:17:55] But it will be—we'll have some bugs to work out with the podcast.

[1:18:00] Yeah, we apparently have bugs to work out even when we're all in the same fucking room.

[1:18:05] It may be a little bumpy at times, but I want all the listeners to know and to be assured that this move is very much not me leaving the Flophouse and not the Flophouse ending.

[1:18:17] I cannot stay away from Dan and Stuart for too long, for I love them dearly, and they mean very much to me.

[1:18:24] Through the course of doing this show with them, they have gone from being friends of mine to being my closest friends.

[1:18:30] I need to get a beer.

[1:18:32] I'm sorry, Stuart, that you're afraid of true emotion.

[1:18:37] And so I'm not going to give up with that.

[1:18:39] So we're going to have to figure it out.

[1:18:40] Dan, we have some technical stuff that we're going to have to deal with.

[1:18:43] A lot of technical stuff we're going to have to deal with, but that's not for talking about on the air.

[1:18:46] But what that also means is that this live show in New York—and hopefully we'll have some of the live shows at some point—but the live show in New York will be—

[1:18:58] One of the last live shows.

[1:19:00] In New York.

[1:19:01] In New York.

[1:19:02] And that if we're doing a live show in the future, know that it will be a super special event because Dan, Stuart, and I will not be around each other as much as we used to be.

[1:19:13] Yeah.

[1:19:14] I mean, we'll just do a bunch of live shows in Vegas because it's cheap for us on the fly there.

[1:19:18] When we do live shows in the future, it will be a special occasion, and we will all be giddy to be around each other once again.

[1:19:26] They'll all be reunion shows.

[1:19:29] But rest assured, floppers, I cannot assure you enough, unless I die on the way to Los Angeles, this show will continue with me as a part of it.

[1:19:39] I wouldn't dream of allowing Dan and Stuart to go on without me.

[1:19:46] Or it was me who was that old crone on the moonless night who cursed us because I just didn't want to be away from you guys for too long.

[1:19:53] All right.

[1:19:54] Well, that was creepy and sweet, I guess.

[1:19:57] Just like that new candy I have coming.

[1:20:00] Hang out Sugar Skulls.

[1:20:02] I think they sell pretty well.

[1:20:04] Oh yeah.

[1:20:06] Would you have like a Marilyn Monroe

[1:20:08] holding a pair of pistols on the packaging?

[1:20:10] I hate those.

[1:20:12] Yeah.

[1:20:14] So, a lot of changes around

[1:20:16] Flophouse Way.

[1:20:18] Oh, and my voice changed.

[1:20:20] That was the other change, yeah.

[1:20:22] It happened guys, I finally went through the change.

[1:20:24] I haven't noticed it.

[1:20:26] Really? I'm sounding much more grown up

[1:20:28] and masculine now.

[1:20:30] Is your dad werewolf going to show up and explain all about it?

[1:20:36] So, we should move on though.

[1:20:38] To what?

[1:20:40] What are we doing on this podcast?

[1:20:42] Letters from listeners.

[1:20:44] Before we get into the letters proper,

[1:20:46] I just want to say a few thanks

[1:20:48] for some gifts that we've received.

[1:20:50] Thanks to Sarah for the

[1:20:52] humor magazine that she's the editor of.

[1:20:54] Thanks for sending a copy of that.

[1:20:56] What's the name of that humor magazine?

[1:21:02] Keep vamping.

[1:21:04] So, Ellie, you're moving to La La Land.

[1:21:06] That's what I'm doing.

[1:21:08] Is it because you love jazz so much?

[1:21:10] I noticed that this new jazz club opened up

[1:21:12] and what I like about it is the guy who runs it

[1:21:14] hates new music.

[1:21:16] He only wants to play the same piano

[1:21:18] and slap bass songs.

[1:21:20] He likes playing soft saxophone over love scenes.

[1:21:22] Yeah.

[1:21:24] I need to go to a pretentious stuffy place

[1:21:26] that's afraid of change.

[1:21:28] So, I just want to go to this place.

[1:21:30] Savage Henry.

[1:21:32] Savage Henry is the name of the humor magazine.

[1:21:34] Oh, perfect.

[1:21:36] Without missing a beat.

[1:21:38] Thanks to Daniel and Marie

[1:21:40] for the DVD copy

[1:21:42] of Black Superman.

[1:21:44] Thanks to David for the DVD

[1:21:46] of Sex Mission.

[1:21:50] How weird. We haven't seen that DVD.

[1:21:52] Thanks to D. Gray.

[1:21:54] The packaging seems clawed open

[1:21:56] by some kind of beast.

[1:21:58] Let me just check Dan's DVD player.

[1:22:00] Oh, there it is.

[1:22:02] Let's get a DNA sample.

[1:22:04] Somehow already melted down

[1:22:06] by overuse of the laser in the DVD player.

[1:22:10] And lastly, thanks to D. Gray

[1:22:12] for the copy of

[1:22:14] The Man from Hong Kong

[1:22:16] and also the Ziggy Cake Pan.

[1:22:18] It's a cake pan

[1:22:20] in the shape of Ziggy

[1:22:22] from the comics page.

[1:22:24] That's a perfect housewarming gift

[1:22:26] for Elliot's new LA apartment.

[1:22:28] I think it's more of a going away gift

[1:22:30] for me to give to you guys.

[1:22:32] Dan, are you going to make me a Ziggy Cake

[1:22:34] before I leave?

[1:22:36] You're going to make some boy bait

[1:22:38] in that Ziggy Cake?

[1:22:40] That's a reference that the audience

[1:22:42] will not get.

[1:22:44] So, one of the first parties in New York

[1:22:46] I remember going to, Dan made this

[1:22:48] cobbler called Boy Bait

[1:22:50] and oh lordy,

[1:22:52] did we laugh about that.

[1:22:56] Did it draw the boys, i.e. me

[1:22:58] and Simon, to eat all of the bait?

[1:23:00] It did.

[1:23:02] And then we were killed.

[1:23:04] When Adam Sandler

[1:23:06] can inhabit your body, it's like in The Cobbler.

[1:23:08] Oh, that's great.

[1:23:10] I was heavily punished for telling them what the thing was called.

[1:23:12] You should have lied!

[1:23:14] You should have just said, oh, it's cool.

[1:23:16] Cool guy, more power.

[1:23:22] So, letters.

[1:23:24] Anyway, we're going to get right into this.

[1:23:26] From Rebus.

[1:23:28] Rebus has got a letter for us.

[1:23:30] Rebus, see us,

[1:23:32] tell us. I know I was a little

[1:23:34] off.

[1:23:36] Not in the same room anymore, huh?

[1:23:38] Just giving you

[1:23:40] a taste of what you're going to miss.

[1:23:42] And by miss, I mean

[1:23:44] not miss.

[1:23:46] Dan Stewart.

[1:23:48] This is from Rebus, last name

[1:23:50] withheld. Daredevil Rebus Canibus.

[1:23:52] Who writes, hey guys, I recently

[1:23:54] rewatched... Daredemon Rebus Canibus, I'm sorry.

[1:23:56] Oh, thank you. For the Firesign Theater fans.

[1:23:58] I recently rewatched

[1:24:00] Scream, which I think holds up well.

[1:24:02] I was thinking back to the first time I saw it.

[1:24:04] You rewatched a painting? That's right.

[1:24:06] Edward Munch's Scream.

[1:24:08] Rebus is actually

[1:24:10] Skeet Ulrich.

[1:24:12] Remember when there was that art-themed serial, Munch's?

[1:24:14] Edward Munch's.

[1:24:16] And also

[1:24:18] that horror movie, Edward Munch's.

[1:24:20] I like that you're

[1:24:22] crediting Munch's as a horror movie.

[1:24:24] I guess it's more of what I am.

[1:24:26] A cool little alien monster.

[1:24:28] That's what I get when I'm stoned by Edward Munch's.

[1:24:30] Anyway,

[1:24:32] Scream, which I think holds up well.

[1:24:34] I was thinking back to the first time I saw it.

[1:24:36] While I was in college, my school

[1:24:38] had a special screening at a big chemistry lecture

[1:24:40] hall, and if my memory is correct,

[1:24:42] it had not been released yet in

[1:24:44] theaters, but thanks to the

[1:24:46] trailers, anticipation was high.

[1:24:48] The point of the story is that the crowd was super

[1:24:50] pumped to see the movie, and there was a real

[1:24:52] buzz in the auditorium.

[1:24:54] As a result, there were lots of screams

[1:24:56] and lots of laughs, and it was one

[1:24:58] of, if not the best theater experience

[1:25:00] of my life.

[1:25:02] As a result, I think the wonderful environment

[1:25:04] took a good movie and made it an amazing one.

[1:25:06] So my question for you is,

[1:25:08] how important do you think viewing environment is,

[1:25:10] and have you ever had a similar experience

[1:25:12] where the crowd made a bad movie good

[1:25:14] or a good movie great?

[1:25:16] Thanks for your wonderful podcast,

[1:25:18] Rebus.

[1:25:20] Okay, Dan's looking at

[1:25:22] me to answer these questions, and I'll answer them.

[1:25:24] I've been a

[1:25:26] big fan of,

[1:25:28] you know, we have

[1:25:30] friends who

[1:25:32] work at the Alamo Draft House here in New York

[1:25:34] and up in Yonkers,

[1:25:36] and those

[1:25:38] have been such great movie experiences

[1:25:40] for me, especially because I only get to the theater

[1:25:42] once in a while, so I don't mind going

[1:25:44] and drinking a whole bunch of beer and getting

[1:25:46] wasted.

[1:25:48] And that's always a great time.

[1:25:50] The only way to get through fences.

[1:25:52] I mean, yeah, that was the only way

[1:25:54] I could pick up on that snappy dialogue.

[1:25:58] Although it would be fitting, right,

[1:26:00] drinking a bunch of gin.

[1:26:02] What I was going to say is,

[1:26:04] a week or two ago, I'm going to talk

[1:26:06] about an example of a bad theater

[1:26:08] going experience, where

[1:26:10] I went to, this was

[1:26:12] like a couple days after I went to a late

[1:26:14] night screening of a horror movie, and

[1:26:16] there was a steam pipe that was

[1:26:18] whistling through a chunk of the movie, and that

[1:26:20] sucked.

[1:26:22] But I went to a, my wife is getting

[1:26:24] a photo shoot done in

[1:26:26] Philly, and it was a closed set.

[1:26:28] So I'm like, I have like four hours

[1:26:30] to fucking kill.

[1:26:32] It was a closed set, it was this pinup girl photo shoot

[1:26:34] that I got her as a Christmas gift.

[1:26:36] And they were like, no.

[1:26:38] No sir, you can't see this woman.

[1:26:40] Your wife.

[1:26:42] Yeah, and my tongue was rolling around on the ground, and my eyes were puffing out.

[1:26:44] Well, because a demon had taken over you?

[1:26:46] Yeah, because I was large margin it.

[1:26:48] Large margin it.

[1:26:50] Yeah, that's all you do.

[1:26:52] I wish that was like some kind of phrase for like...

[1:26:54] You wish that people could do that?

[1:26:56] No, but I wish there was a phrase for like, some aspect

[1:26:58] of like the hip hop lifestyle,

[1:27:00] like just large margin it.

[1:27:02] So I wasn't allowed

[1:27:04] in to walk.

[1:27:06] Specifically the rule was

[1:27:08] no men, no like

[1:27:10] husband or man. No boys allowed.

[1:27:12] Yeah, no boys allowed.

[1:27:14] And the photo shoot went great.

[1:27:16] Celeste Giuliano photography, it's awesome.

[1:27:18] But we, well I had like four hours

[1:27:20] to kill, so I decided to go catch a

[1:27:22] I decided to go catch a screening

[1:27:24] of Logan at 10am.

[1:27:26] So I go to the theater.

[1:27:28] And I can't wait.

[1:27:30] Like I had to wait around for a little bit before it even opened

[1:27:32] because it was a fucking 10am screening.

[1:27:34] I get in there. I'm the only person for a while.

[1:27:36] When the trailers start,

[1:27:38] people start to filter in.

[1:27:40] A young lady and her friends were

[1:27:42] sitting behind me, and she made a point of

[1:27:44] telling her friends loudly

[1:27:46] what video game each trailer

[1:27:48] was based on, and got most of them

[1:27:50] wrong. It's clearly

[1:27:52] War for Planet of the Apes, not Gears of War

[1:27:54] because there's a shitload of monkeys

[1:27:56] in the trailer.

[1:27:58] Or apes.

[1:28:00] And the movie

[1:28:02] starts up.

[1:28:04] The first scene in Logan is fucking awesome.

[1:28:06] Wolverine is saying motherfucker

[1:28:08] a bunch, spoiler alert, and then he like

[1:28:10] chops dudes' faces off.

[1:28:12] It is the hard R rated superhero

[1:28:14] movie that a teenage Stuart

[1:28:16] and a grown up Stuart would have loved.

[1:28:18] And then right after that opening

[1:28:20] scene, a mom walks

[1:28:22] in with like a dozen little kids

[1:28:24] who are being super

[1:28:26] noisy. And we're watching this

[1:28:28] hard R rated movie. That's crazy.

[1:28:30] I know that like, give it

[1:28:32] a couple more scenes. I'm assuming

[1:28:34] this movie isn't going to become like a

[1:28:36] PG movie right after that.

[1:28:38] So I figured those kids will leave, but I didn't want

[1:28:40] to like ruin this movie going

[1:28:42] experience. So I literally stood

[1:28:44] up in front of everybody and said

[1:28:46] fuck this!

[1:28:48] And like made a show of grabbing my backpack

[1:28:50] while people laughed at me.

[1:28:52] And I stormed out to be like

[1:28:54] I'm going to tell the manager!

[1:28:56] And I get into the lobby

[1:28:58] and it's a fucking sea of children

[1:29:00] and I realize that it's

[1:29:02] spring break and like whatever

[1:29:04] moms or dads didn't have to work

[1:29:06] were just taking whatever kids

[1:29:08] were in their neighborhood to the fucking movies.

[1:29:10] Not even their kids.

[1:29:12] Just kids I saw in the streets.

[1:29:14] So I left

[1:29:16] and just, I read a book in a

[1:29:18] coffee shop like a cool guy.

[1:29:20] Uh,

[1:29:22] I think I may have, so

[1:29:24] we're talking about good theater experiences

[1:29:26] to remind the listeners

[1:29:28] since Stuart talked about it.

[1:29:30] I can talk about whatever I want. This is my podcast.

[1:29:32] I'm just resetting.

[1:29:34] I also said that

[1:29:36] the Alamo Draft House rules.

[1:29:38] And bringing kids into Logan's rules.

[1:29:40] Yeah.

[1:29:42] I think I've told this story before

[1:29:44] but I'm just going to

[1:29:46] I don't care.

[1:29:48] Because in Stuart's words

[1:29:50] it's my fucking podcast.

[1:29:52] So I went to see

[1:29:54] Bad Boys 2

[1:29:56] a terrible movie

[1:29:58] at um

[1:30:00] I went to see it at a downtown Brooklyn theater, and I had a great time because the audience was super engaged like super like

[1:30:08] Whoopin and yellin. Was that at Court Street? Yeah, Court Street. That theater is fuckin crazy.

[1:30:13] People were going nuts, people were responding to everything on screen, and there's a scene where... Was there anybody smoking in the theater?

[1:30:19] Cuz that's happening to me.

[1:30:21] I don't remember that, but there was a scene where Martin Lawrence is like crawling in a crawlspace under a building.

[1:30:27] And he sees two rats fucking each other, and like this...

[1:30:32] They're probably puppets, right? They didn't actually train rats that fast.

[1:30:36] I mean, would you have to train them, or would you just like trick them?

[1:30:40] No, no, these cameras are turned off. That red light means the camera is off.

[1:30:43] Yeah, you're gonna be a star. I'll just leave the room, and you just go and do it.

[1:30:47] Anyway, these two rats are fucking.

[1:30:50] And Martin Lawrence is talking over like a walkie-talkie to Will Smith, and he goes...

[1:30:57] They have sex just like us. And the guy next to me like elbows me in the ribs.

[1:31:01] And he's like, eh? Eh?

[1:31:03] And I'm like relaxed. I'm like, great.

[1:31:05] Yeah, pretty good.

[1:31:07] That guy had no idea that he was nudging the person who had most enjoyed that scene.

[1:31:14] I wish then that he had said, I wrote that.

[1:31:20] The person nudging you was Martin Lawrence.

[1:31:22] He nudges you in the ribs, and then he's like, I have sex that way.

[1:31:27] I'm just like, yeah, yeah. Rats fucking. It's pretty good, huh?

[1:31:30] Yeah, you pulled out your phone, and it was just a bunch of pictures of rats fucking.

[1:31:36] That's great.

[1:31:37] There was a rat in a...

[1:31:40] There was like a dowager rat.

[1:31:43] A very proper one that said, I don't need to watch this filth.

[1:31:46] And got up and scurried out of the theater.

[1:31:48] Yeah, I probably mentioned, but I saw a late night screening of the English language

[1:31:53] girl with a dragon tattoo at that theater.

[1:31:56] And a homeless guy walked in, or not homeless.

[1:31:58] It could have just been a drunk guy, because he smelled like booze.

[1:32:00] And he was like wandering around, and he smoked a cigarette.

[1:32:04] And it both added a smell factor that that movie needed.

[1:32:07] And it also added like a, what the fuck is this guy going to do?

[1:32:13] Suddenly real life is a lot more exciting than the movie.

[1:32:18] I'll briefly state, I don't remember the story I told in podcast four or not.

[1:32:22] But the Brady Bunch movie came out, which is about as mediocre a film as there is.

[1:32:26] Nothing special, not bad, not good, it's just there.

[1:32:29] I remember seeing the theater, because I was a teenager at the time, I'd see anything.

[1:32:33] And the movie started up, and it starts up with the Brady Bunch theme.

[1:32:37] Maybe there's a teaser, and then the Brady Bunch theme.

[1:32:39] And the entire audience spontaneously started singing along with it.

[1:32:43] I'm sure we're not the only audience that did that when that movie came out.

[1:32:47] But there was something about like, not a song I particularly care about.

[1:32:52] Not a movie I really give a shit about.

[1:32:54] But like, the entire audience in the theater coming together in this like,

[1:32:58] joyful recognition of a thing that they knew very well,

[1:33:02] was a very beautiful experience in its own way.

[1:33:05] And that dissipated as soon as the song was over.

[1:33:08] But it was very exciting that everyone suddenly had locked onto the same beam.

[1:33:13] That's cool.

[1:33:14] It was nice.

[1:33:16] This next letter is from Mason, last name with L.

[1:33:19] Gamble, star of Dennis the Menace, the movie.

[1:33:22] Is there a line or moment from a movie you otherwise enjoyed

[1:33:25] that just grinds your gears for some reason?

[1:33:28] The scene that has stuck with me is this moment in Hellboy

[1:33:31] where Trevor Bruttenholm, the professor,

[1:33:34] I'll pronounce Broome.

[1:33:35] Yeah.

[1:33:36] Oh, sorry.

[1:33:37] Is given a tour.

[1:33:38] You should be.

[1:33:39] He's a decorated supernatural expert.

[1:33:41] Trevor Broome, the professor, is giving a tour to John Thaddeus Myers,

[1:33:48] the new normal guy, and points out this artifact in a display case.

[1:33:53] Broome mentions what it is, then says,

[1:33:57] When Hitler got it in his possession, his power increased threefold.

[1:34:02] What the fuck does that mean?

[1:34:04] Did three times as many young Germans pop out of the ground to join the military?

[1:34:08] Did Germans become three times more anti-Semitic?

[1:34:11] Did his sperm count increase threefold?

[1:34:13] His sperm count, that's what they call it in Germany.

[1:34:16] Please, don't order the sperm count.

[1:34:18] Years have gone by and this moment still bugs me.

[1:34:21] If Hitler was presented as some kind of evil mage, then fine.

[1:34:24] His power increased threefold.

[1:34:26] But just saying a guy's power increased threefold is meaningless

[1:34:29] and totally helpful in making me understand that object's power.

[1:34:32] That guy in Dragon Ball Z.

[1:34:35] I think he could bench three times as much, I think, as before.

[1:34:38] Yeah, that makes sense.

[1:34:39] Thanks for any thoughts and goofs. Mason, last name of Hell.

[1:34:41] Actually, I don't feel the same way about this.

[1:34:45] I'm sure there are movies that have moments where I'm like, oh.

[1:34:48] But in the first Captain America movie,

[1:34:51] there's the part where Red Skull is talking to the Nazi officer.

[1:34:57] And he's doing it in that great accent.

[1:34:59] That's what I loved about Hugo Weaving's performance,

[1:35:02] is that he not just did a German accent,

[1:35:05] but he's like, I'm going to do a very specific regional accent.

[1:35:09] Yeah, but there's a point where he's got a laser weapon

[1:35:14] and he's showing the targets, and they're like, wait a minute.

[1:35:17] Berlin is on this map.

[1:35:19] You would attack us, too?

[1:35:21] And I think the point of that scene is supposed to be,

[1:35:23] Red Skull is so evil, he's going to turn on his masters.

[1:35:26] He's only in it for himself.

[1:35:28] But me, as a viewer, I'm like,

[1:35:30] okay, so Red Skull's not that big a Nazi.

[1:35:33] He's therefore not as much a villain.

[1:35:35] Like, okay, now I like Red Skull more.

[1:35:37] He's just in it for himself.

[1:35:39] He's not a venomous anti-Semite?

[1:35:42] Like, that's cool.

[1:35:44] Yeah, he's got...

[1:35:46] Like, I can follow his reasoning.

[1:35:48] Yeah, look, I like him more.

[1:35:50] I prefer him to Hitler at this point.

[1:35:52] I just didn't get the response out of me.

[1:35:54] You left the theater with a Red Skull pin on your jacket.

[1:35:57] Yeah.

[1:35:59] I guess I'm joining Hydra now.

[1:36:01] Yeah, why not?

[1:36:03] Yeah, it's...

[1:36:05] So a movie that I love

[1:36:07] is Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers.

[1:36:11] But in the extended version,

[1:36:13] which I also love,

[1:36:15] there's a sequence where they

[1:36:17] do like a little conclusion

[1:36:19] for the contest

[1:36:21] of killing Uruk-Hai

[1:36:23] between Legolas and Gimli.

[1:36:25] Of course, yeah, sure.

[1:36:27] There's a moment when

[1:36:29] Gimli is sitting on a dead Uruk-Hai

[1:36:31] with his axe stuck in its head.

[1:36:33] Clearly a dead Uruk-Hai.

[1:36:35] And Legolas shoots it with an arrow

[1:36:37] and he's like, it twitched.

[1:36:40] And Gimli says something like

[1:36:42] it twitched because my axe is buried

[1:36:44] in its cerebral cortex.

[1:36:46] And I don't know

[1:36:48] if that's the specific term,

[1:36:50] but it felt like too medical a term

[1:36:52] for me to be like,

[1:36:54] they wouldn't use this term in Lord of the Rings.

[1:36:56] Well, there's someone who tweeted

[1:36:58] something about...

[1:37:00] In one of the movies,

[1:37:02] they're about to attack

[1:37:04] and one of the bad guy orcs says

[1:37:06] looks like meat's on the menu.

[1:37:09] And someone pointed out like,

[1:37:11] how does this orc know what a menu is?

[1:37:13] Like, when did he come into contact

[1:37:15] with a menu?

[1:37:17] In a lot of restaurants?

[1:37:21] That's awesome.

[1:37:23] Good job, Nate.

[1:37:25] As of now, uncredited tweeter.

[1:37:27] I'm just gonna aggregate this

[1:37:29] and say I don't remember who did it.

[1:37:31] The only example I have

[1:37:33] is pretty bad.

[1:37:35] I don't mind that though

[1:37:38] For some reason, the cerebral cortex line

[1:37:40] I'm like, come on, dude.

[1:37:42] You could have just said buried in its head.

[1:37:44] Let's just move on.

[1:37:46] So this next one is from

[1:37:48] Julie, last name withheld.

[1:37:50] What do you guys think about Titus?

[1:37:52] Be honest.

[1:37:54] I liked a lot of it, Julie Taymor.

[1:37:56] Wait, the Christopher Titus' TV show?

[1:37:58] Yeah.

[1:38:00] I love it. It's so funny.

[1:38:04] Thanks to a close friend of mine

[1:38:06] for recommending this film to me.

[1:38:08] I recently found myself in a small, independent theater

[1:38:10] watching a film called Raw.

[1:38:12] A French film about a young

[1:38:14] and nervous teenage girl

[1:38:16] turned sexy and vicious cannibal.

[1:38:18] Spoilers!

[1:38:20] That movie had a lot to say

[1:38:22] about college hazing culture

[1:38:24] and teenage rebellion

[1:38:26] and I can honestly say it was one of the best films

[1:38:28] I've seen in a very long time.

[1:38:30] It was very gory,

[1:38:32] but not needlessly so.

[1:38:35] The final scene was well paced and suspenseful.

[1:38:37] I liked this movie quite a bit,

[1:38:39] but the gore and the general premise

[1:38:41] has turned off all but one person I tried to explain it to.

[1:38:43] And that one person was my dad

[1:38:45] who may have just been trying to be nice.

[1:38:47] I know you gentlemen suggest films

[1:38:49] in every episode and spit them into the podcast universe,

[1:38:51] but what films have you had

[1:38:53] trouble endorsing outside of the flop house?

[1:38:55] Are there any films that you think

[1:38:57] I really want people to see this movie

[1:38:59] but also make you worry about certain plot lines

[1:39:01] or scenes that might not fly as well

[1:39:03] with most people?

[1:39:05] How can I recommend a film like this to a friend

[1:39:07] without fearing they would ghost on me after they watch it

[1:39:09] and fear that I might be a teenage cannibal as well?

[1:39:11] Stay funky fresh.

[1:39:13] Julie, last name withheld.

[1:39:15] Thank you. I will stay funky fresh.

[1:39:17] I remember when Blade 2 came out.

[1:39:19] I went and saw it in the theater a couple times

[1:39:21] because I was in college

[1:39:23] and I had plenty of time to go to the movies

[1:39:25] multiple times in the theater.

[1:39:27] And I remember recommending it to people

[1:39:29] and people coming back and I'm like

[1:39:31] that's fucking great!

[1:39:33] And they had a look on their face like

[1:39:35] I didn't like it at all.

[1:39:37] And that both made me consider

[1:39:39] who I was recommending these movies to

[1:39:41] and also that they were looking for something

[1:39:43] that is different than what that movie

[1:39:45] was going to deliver.

[1:39:47] Which is great, crazy, monster vagina

[1:39:49] faced vampires.

[1:39:51] There's a lot of movies

[1:39:53] where I feel like

[1:39:55] I like it a lot but I'm worried

[1:39:57] recommending it will say something about

[1:39:59] who I was recommending it to.

[1:40:00] To the person I'm going to because there's something either extreme or strange in it that I'm not

[1:40:06] That like they're just not gonna understand the same way

[1:40:09] I understood it like a movie like possession is something I would recommend wholeheartedly

[1:40:14] But if someone my family watched it, they would be like are you okay?

[1:40:18] Like is this are you all right, you know?

[1:40:21] I because I'm worried about you after watching the movie you recommend it like I feel like the out there stuff

[1:40:27] Isn't as hard for me to recommend. I mean we recommend movies a lot here and I recommend a lot of crazy dumb movies

[1:40:33] But I still like them and I think it's the more like weirdly normal stuff

[1:40:39] like

[1:40:39] something like Manchester by the Sea movie that I liked a lot and I understand why people don't like it and

[1:40:45] But I'm a little bit worried that me recommending it will make me seem like I don't understand them

[1:40:52] When there's like very real reasons like it's not like oh

[1:40:55] I didn't like that because it's like a ton of gore and weird shit, but more I didn't like it because there's

[1:41:02] It's a problematic situation. Yeah, and that it makes me come off as a as

[1:41:09] Like insensitive that sort of thing when I'm not I just happen to like it

[1:41:13] I mean as someone who watches a lot of old movies and I've touched on this before talking about this

[1:41:18] like there are so many movies that are

[1:41:21] wonderful, but then there's something in it like there's either a

[1:41:25] Non-white character or a way that women are treated in the scene or something that is not okay

[1:41:29] And it's like I don't know if I can recommend this movie because there's this made character. It's totally

[1:41:36] Insulting but everything besides that is really good even like my favorite movie taking Pelham one two three

[1:41:42] There's the scenes with Walter Matthau and the Japanese subway guys

[1:41:45] Which are I don't like at all like I did and I don't and even when mulch method gets is like come up

[1:41:51] It's it still doesn't erase that. He's been saying these terrible things

[1:41:54] So I can be I can be surprised sometimes too when like about things that don't play well

[1:42:02] Anymore, like sometimes I'm just like I I don't think about it. And then like I was watching

[1:42:08] a

[1:42:11] A

[1:42:12] Marx Brothers movie with a woman fairly recently and there's like scenes where like Harpo is running around chasing a woman and

[1:42:20] It's just like oh, yeah

[1:42:23] That doesn't play very well

[1:42:26] Well, he doesn't help to be like but you see Harpo is a sexless. It is a sprite

[1:42:31] He doesn't know what to do with the women once he's caught him. Yeah, it just plays like oh, okay

[1:42:36] This guy is like assaulting this woman

[1:42:39] The in some ways I

[1:42:42] Mean, maybe I'm just patting myself on the back here. But sometimes those kind of situations coming up

[1:42:48] I

[1:42:50] Appreciate having an opportunity to like think about why it bothers me or why it doesn't work and

[1:42:57] Whether or not and then actually having to spending some time and judging whether or not I think it's the value of the work of art

[1:43:06] Is it like it still makes it worthwhile

[1:43:10] Despite what the the problematic on it's do you know I mean, you know

[1:43:14] Yeah, and then having to say it out loud on the internet in front of people and be like judge me, please

[1:43:21] You're like I recognize why this is problematic

[1:43:23] But upon looking at it, I discard it because it doesn't bother me as a as a privileged white male. Yeah

[1:43:30] I'm like gender white straight male

[1:43:32] I think I know what's best. I looked at it from a 360 degree angle. It still doesn't love me that much. No

[1:43:38] That's what I'm saying

[1:43:40] Once again Elliot summarizes my joke

[1:43:46] Last quick letter

[1:43:48] Dear Stuart and Elliot. Yep. Why are you so mean to dance? Dear Dan? Have you heard this guy dear Dan?

[1:43:55] Why are Stuart and Elliot so mean to you signed Dan McCoy with hell?

[1:44:02] Let's get real we're like an hour and a hundred minutes into this

[1:44:06] Let's start talking about the issues

[1:44:08] I mean, I guess this has been an episode where I made fun of Dan masturbating a lot me too, Dan

[1:44:13] I'm sorry, you don't masturbate on sexless. It's fine. I know everyone does it. I mean, it's cool

[1:44:18] Just like

[1:44:29] Look Dan Aykroyd took me off of this ghost blowjob service. It's incredible

[1:44:34] It's amazing. And the best part is they unbutton your pants for you. That's crazy. Why does it even do that?

[1:44:39] Yeah, I don't know. It's do it inside the pants

[1:44:42] service

[1:44:43] Hey Dan, you just throw it in the wash. Hey, I'm sorry for to me into you sometimes. Thanks, buddy. It's all right

[1:44:50] I'll miss you. I like to think that we're being mean to the Dan character

[1:44:55] Even when we text mean things to you

[1:44:59] We're hoping that's gonna get screenshotted

[1:45:02] Yeah, screen chat. Yeah screen chat

[1:45:07] We should definitely move on because god damn this has been long. It's been long. We talk we're barely

[1:45:13] So, what do we do next?

[1:45:17] Recommendations and let's do it super we do recommendations a movie that we actually liked

[1:45:23] I'm gonna fucking jump right in here. This should be no joke at all to you fully owes

[1:45:30] I'm gonna recommend a horror movie that's in theaters and on demand right now. You should go watch the void

[1:45:38] This is by the guys who made a movie I talked about earlier on an earlier episode called man Borg

[1:45:45] I

[1:45:46] believe it's directed it's from these guys Jeremy Gillespie and

[1:45:52] What Johnny Galecki? No, I'm gonna see I don't remember how to say their names exactly right now

[1:45:59] Right here

[1:46:02] Exactly

[1:46:04] Okay, so it's Jeremy Gillespie and Steven Kutansky and I'm not just gonna recommend I'm not just gonna recommend their movie because

[1:46:14] They support the plump house because they come to one of our live shows

[1:46:19] but these guys

[1:46:21] They put together a really great little B horror movie with amazing practical effects

[1:46:28] It looks great. The sound and music is great and

[1:46:32] It kind of plays like if somebody was

[1:46:36] Screening the Prince of Darkness and then swapped out the last reel for Hellraiser 2

[1:46:41] It's an ooey-gooey

[1:46:43] Horror movie fresh and chewy ooey-gooey fresh and chewy

[1:46:48] It's great. The void

[1:46:50] boom

[1:46:51] I'm gonna recommend. I mean, I feel like I have a surprising recommendation

[1:46:56] I taped off of HBO and enjoyed much more than I expected

[1:47:01] the purge election year

[1:47:04] Which yes, we're not watching it for the flop

[1:47:06] Oh, no, we watched the purge the original purge movie for the flop house

[1:47:11] And it was kind of just a boring home invasion movie. They have this high concept the purge, you know, like 12 hours every

[1:47:20] In this one. No. No

[1:47:23] Tina lady

[1:47:25] 12 hours every year where a crime is legal. We all know what the purge is at this point

[1:47:30] But

[1:47:32] the first

[1:47:35] The first movie did that's America now they won and we have to deal with it the first movie did barely anything with this premise

[1:47:43] But there's a home invasion movie, right? Yeah, it's a home invasion movie, but no pretty pretty low in the totem pole

[1:47:51] Yeah, home invasion movie, yeah, definitely but by the time the third movie rolls around

[1:47:56] there's a tray bonkers, well, there's a

[1:48:01] Senator who wants to get rid of the purge and of course that makes her

[1:48:09] That makes her purge target numero uno when the purge comes around

[1:48:14] and the movie is much less of just like a closed-off form invasion movie and more of a

[1:48:19] kind of

[1:48:21] she's roaming through a city where everyone's against her and it feels like a

[1:48:26] John Carpenter movie specifically it feels like Mike Lee's naked

[1:48:31] No

[1:48:33] It feels like something like escape from New York. Yeah, it's it's just like a down-and-dirty

[1:48:41] Definitely a B movie but a fun B movie of

[1:48:45] Just this woman like beset on all sides by the dangers

[1:48:49] So man, I would feel bad for the fucking purgers that they're going after Jacqueline beset should destroy them

[1:48:56] the

[1:48:57] the thing about the purge movies is I feel like that's a premise that

[1:49:01] was like

[1:49:03] Tailor-made with a bow for John Carpenter to do. Yeah, and the closer

[1:49:08] Filmmakers get to doing car. I mean in general

[1:49:11] I feel like the closer a filmmaker gets to making a John Carpenter movie the better

[1:49:14] but I feel like at the purge specifically like the closer you get to Carpenter the closer you're gonna do and it sounds like

[1:49:21] election years

[1:49:23] Where they get closest to it? Yeah, I mean, I haven't seen the middle purge movie the purge anarchy, but does that also star?

[1:49:30] hunk of meat Frank Grillo, it does

[1:49:33] Yeah, so I'm gonna grill because his name is grilling yeah, but if you're looking for not a creative man, I'll it

[1:49:40] If you're looking just like a straight-ahead B movie that is like kind of a gritty like 80s style

[1:49:47] lowdown action movie the purge

[1:49:50] Election year. It's not super great, but it it it scratches that itch a little bit

[1:49:55] You

[1:50:00] Okay, let's see if L.A. continues our trend of B-movies.

[1:50:04] I'm gonna recommend Creed, the Rocky sequel continuation.

[1:50:09] There's a lot to it.

[1:50:10] An Academy Award-nominated movie.

[1:50:12] Yeah, not a B-movie, directed by Ryan Coogler

[1:50:14] and starring Michael B. Jordan.

[1:50:17] I almost called him Michael B. Jones for a second,

[1:50:19] which is nobody's name.

[1:50:20] Mm-hmm.

[1:50:21] Uh...

[1:50:22] Which is...

[1:50:22] Nobody in history.

[1:50:23] One of our listeners is now clicking unsubscribe

[1:50:26] because his name is Michael B. Jones.

[1:50:28] His monocle fell out of his eye and he said,

[1:50:30] I never, uh...

[1:50:32] I had heard a lot of good things about it,

[1:50:35] but I was doubtful, because the Rocky series is very...

[1:50:38] Pretty doubtful, my new favorite showtime show.

[1:50:40] Ha, ha, ha.

[1:50:41] The Rocky series is very hit and miss, to say the least.

[1:50:45] But I thought it was a really good way,

[1:50:48] and because continuations of old series

[1:50:50] can be kind of cheap-hopsterism a lot of the time,

[1:50:53] but they did a really good job of both

[1:50:55] continuing the world of the original movies

[1:50:58] while not relying on them so much that...

[1:51:01] You know the beats that this movie's gonna hit

[1:51:04] because it's a Rocky movie,

[1:51:05] but doing it in a way that felt

[1:51:07] like they are respecting a tradition

[1:51:10] rather than shamelessly repeating what was going on before.

[1:51:14] I remember going into that movie

[1:51:15] after the Academy Awards that that movie was nominated for,

[1:51:19] and the...

[1:51:20] I was ready to be like,

[1:51:22] Sylvester Stallone doesn't deserve this nomination,

[1:51:25] but he's really fucking good at that movie.

[1:51:28] Everyone's great in it.

[1:51:29] Yeah, but he's...

[1:51:31] When he is...

[1:51:32] He's like Clint Eastwood and Arnold Schwarzenegger

[1:51:36] in that they are tough-guy actors who are now old,

[1:51:41] and when they play to that age,

[1:51:43] they uncover things in themselves

[1:51:45] that they didn't necessarily have fully before,

[1:51:49] and which make their performances deeper,

[1:51:51] and when they try to run away from that age,

[1:51:54] it hurts them completely.

[1:51:55] I mean, Clint Eastwood barely runs away from the age,

[1:51:58] but when Sylvester Stallone was doing

[1:52:00] Expendables-type stuff or that last Rambo movie,

[1:52:03] it was like, come on, dude.

[1:52:05] But when he's playing to the fact that he's an old man

[1:52:07] who was once this powerhouse, that's very powerful.

[1:52:10] Yeah, there's...

[1:52:11] The thing about Creed is there's a scene...

[1:52:15] In one of the boxing scenes,

[1:52:17] there's a moment where it cuts to a character going,

[1:52:20] yes, and it fucking works.

[1:52:23] Like, that type of shit normally,

[1:52:25] that's like Batman and Robin shit,

[1:52:28] and I'm like, no, but for whatever reason,

[1:52:30] it totally got me on the edge of my seat.

[1:52:32] It's crazy.

[1:52:33] And the boxing scenes are fantastic.

[1:52:34] The boxing scenes are great.

[1:52:35] Like, boxing is, to my mind,

[1:52:38] is a uniquely cinematic sport,

[1:52:40] if you want to call it sports.

[1:52:41] Two guys wailing at each other with their fists.

[1:52:43] But that's controversial, I know.

[1:52:46] But there are...

[1:52:46] Like, the biggest disappointment I had

[1:52:48] with the movie The Fighter

[1:52:49] was that the boxing climax at the end is super boring,

[1:52:53] because you're just watching a boxing match on TV,

[1:52:56] and this coogler takes you into the ring,

[1:52:59] and you're experiencing the fight,

[1:53:00] and he does a great job.

[1:53:01] No, you're right.

[1:53:02] The boxing scenes are really, really...

[1:53:04] And they're really well shot,

[1:53:06] and they're, yeah, it's awesome.

[1:53:07] Even watching this movie on an iPad

[1:53:09] while I was doing the dishes,

[1:53:11] I felt the full impact of each punch.

[1:53:14] So nice work, Creed,

[1:53:15] and I recommend it to everyone who was interested in it,

[1:53:18] but was worried that it was

[1:53:20] not gonna live up to the potential.

[1:53:22] All right, three great recommendations.

[1:53:25] And now we have to get the fuck out of here.

[1:53:28] So long.

[1:53:29] Dan, please tell us who's gonna cut this episode down,

[1:53:31] but not my Aerosmith stuff, right?

[1:53:34] No problem.

[1:53:35] Can you put all the beep boop boops in there?

[1:53:37] Yeah, I'll put those back in there.

[1:53:39] Just for the real fans.

[1:53:40] Yeah, for the completists.

[1:53:43] No, it's been great,

[1:53:45] but now we gotta go.

[1:53:47] For The Flophouse,

[1:53:48] I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:53:50] I've been Stuart Wellington.

[1:53:51] Beep boop, boop boop, beep boop.

[1:53:54] Billy Caleb.

[1:53:55] Good night, everyone.

[1:53:56] Buh-bye.

[1:53:58] We seem to be-

[1:54:04] How do I sound?

[1:54:05] Do I sound good?

[1:54:06] Fine.

[1:54:07] Well, you weren't talking when that was going on.

[1:54:10] You're only talking during the beep boop,

[1:54:11] beep boop, boop boop, beep part of things.

[1:54:14] How did that sound, though?

[1:54:16] It sounded like beep boop, boop boop, beep boop boop.

[1:54:19] Yeah, Stuart, what was all that

[1:54:20] beep boop boop stuff you were saying?

[1:54:22] It's this new sound I'm trying out.

[1:54:24] Yeah, that new sound you're looking for?

[1:54:26] Yeah, I'm trying to do this.

[1:54:26] Well, listen to this.

[1:54:27] I'm trying to do this new thing on podcast.

[1:54:31] Trying to reach a new binary market.

[1:54:34] That's the future, you know?

[1:54:36] The three of you enter a cave of a big red dragon

[1:54:38] and it's standing over a hoard of precious golden rubies.

[1:54:42] And he says, what do you do, adventurers?

[1:54:44] I'm a dragon man.

[1:54:46] I cast fire on him.

[1:54:46] It's very good.

[1:54:47] I address the red dragon and say,

[1:54:49] Us, we're the hosts of The Adventure Zone,

[1:54:51] a podcast about family playing Dungeons and Dragons.

[1:54:55] Very good synergy.

[1:54:56] Commit to the bit.

[1:54:57] I roll to charm new listeners.

[1:55:00] It is very effective against all odds.

[1:55:03] Everybody, we're the Macroids.

[1:55:04] We host The Adventure Zones,

[1:55:05] a podcast where we play Dungeons and Dragons together.

[1:55:07] It's a comedy podcast.

[1:55:08] We don't take the rules too seriously

[1:55:10] because there's a lot of them

[1:55:11] and we did not take the time to learn them.

[1:55:12] Maybe listen to us.

[1:55:13] We come out every other Thursday

[1:55:14] on the Maximum Fun Network.

[1:55:15] You can find us on iTunes or on maximumfun.org.

[1:55:18] I think this promo's a critical hit.

[1:55:21] Ha ha ha!

[1:55:22] Ha ha ha!

[1:55:23] Ha ha ha!

[1:55:24] Ha ha!

[1:55:25] Ha ha ha!

[1:55:26] Ha ha!

[1:55:27] Ha ha!

[1:55:28] Ha ha!

[1:55:29] Maximumfun.org

[1:55:32] Comedy and culture, artist owned.

[1:55:34] Listener supported.

Ep. #230 - Monster Trucks

Chapters

Transcript

Description