Ep. #230 - Monster Trucks

Stuart Wellington

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss monster trucks.

[0:04] You're welcome.

[0:06] Guys, because I made you watch this movie.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[0:38] I'm Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[0:40] Hey, I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:43] Hello, Elliot Kalin here.

[0:48] Bringing the energy, bringing the pep, bringing everything we need.

[0:54] Oh, I'm so tired.

[0:55] Yeah.

[0:56] I worked it out, right?

Dan McCoy

[0:57] Oh, man, I used up all the pep.

[1:00] Why are we so pepless?

[1:01] Where'd the pep go?

Elliott Kalan

[1:03] Should we call the pep boys?

[1:05] Those damn pep boys stole it in the middle of the night, just like they do.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09] It was, well, we shouldn't have invited them in in the first place.

[1:12] That's the first law about protecting yourself against a pep boy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15] Once you invite a pep boy in, all the pep boys think they can come in whenever they want.

[1:19] And they steal the pep, and they put it in their heads, and that's why their heads are so big.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22] I hung a garland of olives around my neck because that scares the pep boys away.

[1:28] But Dan just ate all my olives.

[1:30] And I hung Jeff Garland in my room, and now I'm a murderer.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35] Because I killed the director of I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With.

Stuart Wellington

[1:39] Well, I guess, I mean, how long are you going to be in jail for murdering him?

Elliott Kalan

[1:45] I mean, the trial is tomorrow.

[1:47] I should really be planning my defense.

Stuart Wellington

[1:49] Oh, wow. Is this in the Marvel Netflix universe?

[1:53] Yeah, we're being tried in Hell's Kitchen.

Elliott Kalan

[1:55] Luckily, I'm going to turn state's evidence on the hand, and so I think I'll get off.

[2:00] Yeah.

[2:01] I use a hand to get off.

[2:03] Okay, anyway.

[2:04] You did it.

[2:05] I saw the wheels churning.

[2:07] It's funny because it's true.

[2:08] Dan masturbates.

Dan McCoy

[2:10] Look, guys, real talk.

[2:13] Hat backward, chair backward.

[2:15] Touching yourself down there is not a real problem.

[2:19] Everyone does it.

Elliott Kalan

[2:20] Dan, we are going to have to cancel your seminar with the students.

[2:24] Why?

[2:25] We'll be getting some complaints from their parents that they're just walking home masturbating

[2:28] as they walk into the door.

[2:30] First off, this is supposed to be a math seminar.

Stuart Wellington

[2:32] Yeah, it's supposed to be an SAT2 algebra prep.

[2:35] Yeah, hand plus wiener equals smiley face.

Elliott Kalan

[2:38] That's not math.

Dan McCoy

[2:42] It's math that you can use in real life, unlike normal math.

Elliott Kalan

[2:47] We called up your references.

[2:49] Half of them turned out to be gas stations in the Tampa area, and one of them, it was just

[2:55] a recording of someone laughing.

Stuart Wellington

[2:58] What's that all about, Dan?

[3:00] Was it a scary laugh, or was it like a big, jolly, Santa belly laugh?

Elliott Kalan

[3:04] It was a big, jolly, Santa belly laugh, but it just kept repeating, so it became creepy

[3:08] through repetition.

Stuart Wellington

[3:09] Oh, like a Too Many Cooks.

[3:10] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[3:11] And the last reference was that guy who broke into that PBS signal in the 80s with a Max

[3:17] Headroom mask on.

[3:19] They finally caught that guy?

[3:21] Well, no, he told us all about it.

[3:22] Was it just Matt Frewer, or was it a guy wearing a Matt Frewer mask?

[3:25] No, it was not Matt Frewer himself.

[3:27] It was a guy wearing a Max Headroom mask.

Stuart Wellington

[3:28] Because sometimes when you look at Matt Frewer's face, he thinks it's a mask, but it's not.

[3:31] He's just very expressive.

Dan McCoy

[3:34] Now we're insulting the late Matt Frewer.

[3:36] Wait.

[3:37] Did he die?

[3:37] I think so.

[3:38] I don't think...

[3:38] He was on Orphan Black recently.

[3:40] What?

Stuart Wellington

[3:40] Oh my god, his character died.

[3:41] Oh god, now I gotta look this up.

Dan McCoy

[3:43] We gotta find out.

[3:44] Everybody.

[3:44] No, you know what?

[3:45] What do we do on this podcast, dude?

[3:46] You know what?

[3:46] I'm thinking of...

[3:47] You know who I'm thinking of?

[3:48] I'm thinking of that character actor who's in the game.

[3:50] Yeah, Matt Frewer's still alive.

[3:51] Oh, the one who plays like a doctor.

[3:53] Yeah.

[3:53] No, Matt Frewer's still alive.

[3:55] All right.

Elliott Kalan

[3:55] Earlier today, I was convinced Tim Curry had died.

[3:58] I was halfway through ordering a dozen roses for his family.

Stuart Wellington

[4:02] Roses?

[4:02] Really?

[4:03] You can still do that.

[4:04] Black roses.

[4:04] Like a nice dude?

[4:05] Oh, black roses, of course.

[4:06] You can do that as a nice gesture.

[4:07] Because it was a very metal funeral.

[4:09] Yeah, because Slash is gonna play the D-Ross.

Elliott Kalan

[4:12] Because Matt Frewer, it's in his will that he wants to be buried exactly like in the November

[4:17] Rain video.

Stuart Wellington

[4:17] He got the November Rain package, yeah.

[4:19] And then he's gonna be underground like in the, what is that, Don't Cry package?

Elliott Kalan

[4:23] Now, here's one of our most popular packages.

[4:26] It's dropped in popularity a little bit as we get farther and farther from the 90s, but

[4:30] it's our November Rain package.

[4:32] In this package, Slash actually stands on your coffin and plays his hit song, Welcome

[4:39] to the Jungle.

[4:40] Yeah.

[4:40] Oh, wow.

[4:41] We couldn't get the rights to November Rain, I'm sorry.

[4:43] But it brings kind of an up atmosphere to the funeral.

[4:46] Because the casket flies away with balloons attached.

Dan McCoy

[4:49] Also, we bring a wedding cake so you can remind yourself of your wedding, but someone

[4:54] will jump into that wedding cake.

Stuart Wellington

[4:56] Yep, they will.

[4:56] That's my favorite thing about that fucking video.

[4:59] Who is at a wedding?

[5:01] And he's like, oh, it's raining, it's ruined now, time for me to fuck up the cake.

[5:06] I've been wanting to do this all day.

Elliott Kalan

[5:07] Who knows what kind of crazy wedding Axel was having.

Stuart Wellington

[5:10] It's almost like that guy in the middle of the rainstorm got his suit on fire and he's

[5:16] like, I need to put this out the only way I know how.

[5:18] Stop, stop, drop and roll on a cake.

Elliott Kalan

[5:20] Is that a big pile of fire-retardant chemicals?

[5:23] No, it turned out to be cake.

[5:25] I'm sorry, I thought it was fire foam.

[5:26] And Axel Rose, who was the groom, is like, oh, Axel Foley, my best man, can you please

[5:31] show this man out since you're a police officer?

[5:34] Mm-hmm.

[5:35] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[5:36] And an Axel from a truck.

[5:38] Monster trucks.

Stuart Wellington

[5:39] Hey!

[5:40] So what we do normally here is we watch a movie that's a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[5:44] Uh-huh.

[5:44] Have some laughs and then we do some other shit later on.

[5:47] No spoilers.

[5:49] All right.

[5:49] Usually it's go home and go to sleep.

[5:51] Yeah, I mean, no, I mean other stuff on the podcast.

[5:54] We don't go home, we don't record ourselves going home and going to sleep.

Elliott Kalan

[5:57] Oh, I do.

[5:57] Oh, okay.

[5:58] But it's for legal purposes.

[5:59] Mm-hmm.

[6:00] Sure.

[6:01] So what do we watch this week, Dan?

[6:03] I always need to prove my whereabouts.

Dan McCoy

[6:04] Okay, I was about to ask, but thank you for volunteering.

Stuart Wellington

[6:06] So what, so yeah.

[6:07] Dan held us down, he put the screws to us, and he's like, you're watching Monster Trucks.

Elliott Kalan

[6:10] The way I remember it was, Stuart was like, let's watch Monster Trucks.

[6:14] Monster Trucks?

[6:15] Monster Trucks, anyone?

[6:16] Monster Trucks?

Stuart Wellington

[6:16] Dan's like, why don't we watch the Fifty Shades sequel, or if we don't watch it tonight, I'm

[6:22] going to be unable to prevent myself from watching it later.

Elliott Kalan

[6:25] And the aforementioned hand-to-penis transaction will tell us.

Stuart Wellington

[6:28] I can only assume.

[6:29] I don't want to write the rest of the story for it.

Dan McCoy

[6:31] No, no, yeah.

[6:32] Like the future is unwritten.

Stuart Wellington

[6:34] Yeah, exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[6:37] I think this part of the future is pretty well written.

[6:40] That the only way for us to save you from the sin of Onan is if we watch the movie with

[6:45] you.

Dan McCoy

[6:46] If the past is prelude, then yes.

[6:50] If we can look to the past for guidance in our future, then certainly.

[6:55] Yeah, the tea leaves tell me.

Elliott Kalan

[6:58] The rune stones.

[6:59] Yeah, yeah.

[6:59] I cut open a goose's liver, and it told me you'd be masturbating at some point.

[7:05] Was that goose liver right?

[7:08] Only time will tell.

[7:09] Yeah.

[7:09] The rune of time and Dan's masturbation diary.

Dan McCoy

[7:12] It seems like a sort of unnecessary murder of a goose, because I think that you could

[7:16] probably have surmised that that was going to happen at some point in the future.

[7:18] Oh, no.

Elliott Kalan

[7:18] The goose is still with us.

[7:20] In fact, here he is right now.

[7:21] Dan McCoy, this is your sex life.

[7:24] Quack, quack.

[7:25] I'm a goose.

[7:25] Quack, quack, quack.

[7:26] You're going to, you know, play with yourself at some point.

[7:29] Quack.

[7:29] Good night, everybody.

Stuart Wellington

[7:30] It's weird that goose came out doing a duck impression, but it's a living.

[7:33] He's transitioning.

[7:34] Sure.

[7:35] For goose to duck.

Elliott Kalan

[7:37] So, Dan, before I dig any deeper holes for myself, say again what movie we watched tonight.

[7:43] We watched a movie called Monster Trucks.

[7:46] Or was it Monster Truck?

[7:47] I think it was Monster Trucks.

[7:48] Okay.

[7:48] And the movie did fulfill its mandate of plural monster trucks.

Stuart Wellington

[7:53] Movie opens, smash cut.

[7:56] We see an open field, and the most beautiful of all creatures are running through that field.

[8:01] That's right, a giant truck.

[8:05] So we immediately know we're in for it, because we're about to see a truck driving around.

[8:09] We're like, okay, the movie's, it's providing a truck, but can it provide a monster?

[8:15] Well, we'll see, because driving that truck is kind of a jerky asshole dude who makes fun

[8:19] of a character we'll eventually find out is our hero.

[8:23] His name is?

Elliott Kalan

[8:23] And one of them is a mom.

[8:24] I don't remember.

[8:25] Trick?

[8:25] Trip.

[8:26] Trip.

[8:26] Okay.

[8:27] Let me, okay.

[8:27] So Trip is your normal average teenager who looks like he's pushing 30, riding the school

[8:34] bus because his family can't afford to buy him a cool truck like the only other teenage

[8:39] boy who seems to go to school.

Stuart Wellington

[8:42] I mean, we see there's two teenage boys in this movie other than our hero.

[8:45] Yes.

[8:46] There's the jerk who has a truck that he can't pay for.

Elliott Kalan

[8:48] It's a big green truck.

[8:49] We don't know he can't pay for it until the end.

Stuart Wellington

[8:51] And then a boy who's much younger, apparently, who's not even 16, whose dad owns a truck

[8:57] dealership.

[8:58] So it's a very truck-centered universe.

Elliott Kalan

[9:00] And he appears to also be in his 20s.

[9:02] But okay.

[9:02] Really?

[9:03] They're living in a small town, let's call it Tructon, where trucks are the main export,

[9:08] I mean, import, currency, industry, religion, everything loves trucks there.

[9:13] Dogs love trucks.

[9:15] People love trucks.

[9:16] Trucks?

[9:17] They probably love trucks.

Stuart Wellington

[9:19] I mean, at least the cover of Aerosmith's Pump.

[9:22] Trucks are loving each other.

Dan McCoy

[9:24] Do trucks have sex on the cover of Aerosmith's Pump?

[9:27] Yeah.

[9:28] Well, I'm not familiar with Aerosmith.

Stuart Wellington

[9:30] Yeah, Doi.

[9:31] Didn't you buy that record just so you could listen to Loving the Elevator like a million

[9:34] times?

[9:35] I thought you were going to be like, didn't you?

[9:35] Loving the Elevator?

[9:36] Yeah, Loving That Elevator.

[9:38] Didn't you buy that?

[9:39] Loving that when it goes up and sometimes when it goes down.

[9:41] I thought you were going to be like, didn't you buy that record so you could look at

Elliott Kalan

[9:44] that picture of trucks having sex?

[9:46] Yeah.

[9:47] So, Loving an Elevator is, there's no subtext to that song, right?

[9:51] It's literally just about having sex in an elevator?

[9:53] Yeah, that's the one.

[9:54] It's not even like telling the story of a time he had sex in an elevator, or is it?

Stuart Wellington

[9:59] Well, it's about living it up while you're going down, man.

Elliott Kalan

[10:01] But there's a...

[10:02] I got that.

Stuart Wellington

[10:03] I mean, there is that skit at the beginning where it's a woman who is clearly, you know,

[10:09] making, has a decent job as an elevator operator.

[10:13] And, you know, Steven Tyler gets on there.

[10:16] He's just a real whirlwind of scarves and hair.

Elliott Kalan

[10:21] A real Tasmanian devil.

[10:23] Put a scarf on the Tasmanian devil.

[10:25] Take his shoes off.

[10:27] That's Steven Tyler.

Stuart Wellington

[10:28] She talks to him for a little bit.

[10:30] She asks him if he's going down, and he's like, hell yeah.

[10:33] I think he actually just laughs or chuckles or something.

[10:35] You're like, oh, I get it.

[10:37] And then you look at the cover of the record, and you're like, oh, this is dirty.

[10:40] I thought those two trucks were just awkwardly posed.

Elliott Kalan

[10:44] Because my assumption is, here's the thought process going through Steven Tyler's head.

[10:49] He's entered the hotel he's staying at.

[10:51] Aerosmith is, as always, on tour around the world.

Stuart Wellington

[10:55] Do I need to pose the correction that clearly the elevator is in a department store?

[10:59] Because the operator lists what's on the different floors.

[11:03] So it's a department store.

[11:04] Okay.

[11:05] Sorry to flesh out the floor a little more.

[11:07] I understand.

Dan McCoy

[11:07] Let me reimagine this.

[11:09] I'm painting this picture.

[11:10] How cold is Steven Tyler's neck?

Elliott Kalan

[11:12] Oh, because it's well-scarfed, it is very warm.

[11:15] All right.

[11:16] In fact, maybe a little too warm, because it's getting a little hot in this elevator.

[11:18] Balmy.

[11:18] Now, he is just glad to be alive, because the Revolution X is over, and he's been saved after being taken hostage by the would-be revolutionaries, by you, the player, using a prop-mounted machine gun in the arcade cabinet.

[11:35] That was a Sega CD game?

[11:37] I knew it as an arcade game, so I don't know.

[11:41] Perhaps it was, yes, a Sewer Shark or a Night Trap, a Sega CD game.

Stuart Wellington

[11:44] Night Trap, which is coming back.

[11:47] Better.

[11:47] Better than ever.

Elliott Kalan

[11:49] So he's like, ugh, I feel alive.

[11:52] I feel good.

[11:52] I've just did a great show.

[11:53] I was saved from these revolutionary hostage takers, and now I'm in this elevator, and this elevator operator, and right off the bat, he's like, it's a little weird there's an elevator operator in this elevator, because it's the 1980s.

[12:05] All these elevators have been switched to automatic mechanisms.

[12:09] So-

Stuart Wellington

[12:09] Is it like the first time I ever went to a gas station in New Jersey and was like, who is this person accosting my vehicle?

Elliott Kalan

[12:16] And manhandling my gas tank.

[12:18] Yes, exactly.

[12:19] So he's like, did I wander into the Shining Hotel?

[12:22] Is it the 1920s?

[12:23] Have I always been here?

[12:25] And she says, Mr. Tyler, can I call you that?

[12:28] Lives Dad?

[12:29] We get this a lot.

[12:30] No, it's just a thing that we do at this department store, kind of an old-timey store.

[12:34] Anyway, let me ask you, there's a lot of floors above us.

[12:38] Uh-huh.

[12:40] I'm Steven Tyler right now.

[12:41] Yeah, okay.

[12:42] So are you going down?

[12:44] And here's his thought process.

[12:46] I just walked into the elevator on the ground floor.

[12:49] Either there's a basement showroom, which I was not aware of, and did not appear on the store directory, which I consulted in detail to know which floor I should go to for my men's bathing garments, which is what I was here to buy.

[13:03] My bathing scarf.

[13:05] Needing a bathing scarf to make sure my neck does not get cold in the pool at the hotel where I'm staying.

[13:12] So he's saying, so why would she ask if I was going down when there is no lower floors?

[13:16] Well, Steven, let's put our mind to this, shall we?

[13:18] Going down means, okay, definition number one.

[13:22] Let's check my mental dictionary.

[13:23] It means to move downwards in position.

[13:27] All right, the elevator can't go any further down than it is.

[13:29] And also notice the elevator.

[13:30] Let me just check the buttons.

[13:31] Yes, there's no basement button on the elevator.

[13:34] So that confirms what the directory told me.

[13:36] There's no lower floors.

Stuart Wellington

[13:38] The elevator operator is making a strange leering face and is pointing at a bucket of slop on the floor of the elevator.

[13:48] I don't know what that means.

Elliott Kalan

[13:49] The slop I'm not aware of.

[13:50] I don't know what's going on.

[13:53] So the slop seems like some kind of strange, mysterious X factor.

[13:56] Let's remove the slop from our thinking right now because it's possible that it was left here by, say, a pig farmer who stopped in to buy his own bathing accoutrements while on the way to feed his pigs in this trough with slop.

[14:09] So let's take the slop and let's place it in what we're going to call a non-effective agent.

[14:16] This is something that I can safely remove from the scenario.

[14:19] If I was Sherlock Holmes, I would say deductively, rationally, what are the things that I should be able to be looking at for clues?

[14:25] This slop doesn't fit into the schema of the scenario, so perhaps I'll set it aside.

[14:30] So number two definition for going down, well, that would be, I mean, kind of halfway to an innuendo for performing oral sex on someone.

[14:39] Let me just quickly check my mental dictionary of sexual positions.

[14:42] Can men do that to women?

[14:44] They can.

[14:44] Okay, I remember it.

[14:45] I saw it in a magazine once.

[14:47] Not one that I bought.

[14:48] One that was shown to me by the other toxic twin whose name escapes me at the moment, though I have been performing with him for years because I am...

[14:56] Joe Perry.

[14:57] Mr. Perry, as I call him.

[14:59] He showed it to me one day and I said, please, sir, take that away from me.

[15:04] That's not how I get my kicks, young man.

[15:07] Do I look crazy to you?

[15:10] Because it would be amazing if I did.

[15:12] I would be crying.

Stuart Wellington

[15:13] If I had to look at that for another moment.

Elliott Kalan

[15:15] That gives me an idea for three different songs.

[15:18] I'll file that away for some future time when Alicia Silverstone is old enough to appear in a video for me.

[15:23] Now she's just a young child, I assume, since she's not famous at the moment.

[15:27] Now, getting back to the situation with the elevator operator.

[15:30] The way she's looking at me, let me just look up on my pocket device, which I have because I'm from the future.

[15:36] This is one of the things a lot of people don't know about Steven Tyler.

[15:38] Oh, God.

[15:39] How long is this going to go on?

[15:41] Female arousal facial expressions.

[15:43] Okay.

[15:44] Madam elevator operator, let me just hold this up to you.

[15:47] Yes, I see a number of similarities here.

[15:50] You want to Google that?

[15:50] What's going on?

Elliott Kalan

[15:50] And okay.

[15:51] Yes.

[15:53] You're Googling female arousal facial expressions.

[15:54] So elevator operator X, let me posit a scenario to you.

[15:58] And if I am incorrect, I apologize profusely.

[16:01] I, Steven Tyler, will make good with tickets for free to any of my Aerosmith musical shows or anything like that.

[16:08] Perhaps a free play token for Revolution X, the arcade game based on my real life kidnapping story.

[16:13] That's a single one.

Stuart Wellington

[16:13] A kidnapping story.

[16:14] That's equal value to that and a musical performance.

Elliott Kalan

[16:17] Now, let me posit to you that you are suggesting to me that you would like me to perform a sexual act on you.

[16:24] Perhaps in return, I will receive a sexual act or favor from you.

[16:28] I assume you would stop the elevator between floors and then we would do that deed, to put it in crude terms.

[16:36] So don't I buy a ticket to a one-man show or whatever?

[16:39] It's a one-man show called Steven Tyler.

[16:41] Elliot Kalin is Steven Tyler loving in an elevator tonight.

[16:46] So, Dan, monster trucks.

[16:48] We're in a world where...

Stuart Wellington

[16:50] Where there's monsters and trucks.

Elliott Kalan

[16:52] Trip is a high school student who's not...

[16:54] He can't afford a truck.

[16:55] He's not popular.

[16:56] He doesn't have a girlfriend.

[16:56] A 26-year-old high school student.

[16:58] He's a roughly 26-year-old high school student.

[16:59] He lives at home with his mom.

[17:02] Played by Amy Ryan.

[17:03] Amy Ryan, who's in the movie literally in two scenes.

[17:05] Yeah.

[17:06] Bookending the film.

[17:06] One of them has no audio.

[17:08] One with no words.

[17:09] And his stepdad played by Barry Pepper.

[17:11] Uh-huh.

[17:12] Or maybe it's just his mom's boyfriend, but I thought stepdad.

Dan McCoy

[17:16] Uh-huh.

[17:16] I think it's his boyfriend because, like, his boyfriend.

[17:22] Her boyfriend because the problem is, like, he's worried that he won't stick around.

[17:27] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[17:27] It's like, that's the big conflict.

Stuart Wellington

[17:28] So, he's constantly throwing salt on Barry Pepper.

[17:31] Yeah.

[17:32] Got it.

[17:33] Perfect.

[17:33] Still got it, guys.

[17:35] Classic Stu Wellington condiment material.

[17:37] Now, at this point, we've been introduced to Amy Ryan and Barry Pepper, and we're like,

[17:41] there can't be any more stars in this movie.

[17:43] Oh, no.

[17:43] Oh, no, no, no.

[17:44] Look out to the heavens tonight, listeners.

Elliott Kalan

[17:46] You'll notice the skies are dark.

[17:49] Mm-hmm.

[17:49] And why is that, Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[17:50] Uh, because, uh, Danny Glover's in this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[17:54] Because all the stars are in monster trucks.

[17:57] If by all the stars we mean Amy Ryan, Barry Pepper, Danny Glover, and Frank Whaley.

Dan McCoy

[18:02] And, uh, Rob Lowe's in it, too.

[18:04] Oh, Rob Lowe and Thomas Lennon.

[18:05] Thomas Lennon.

Stuart Wellington

[18:06] Wait, the writer of the script for Night of the Museum, Thomas Lennon?

Elliott Kalan

[18:10] Yes.

[18:10] Reno 911's Thomas Lennon, a.k.a.

[18:13] He also wrote that Balls of Fury movie, I think.

[18:16] Herbie Fully Loaded.

Dan McCoy

[18:18] Mm-hmm.

[18:22] Uh, hey, guys.

[18:23] Just breaking in here for a second.

[18:25] Um, so we had a bunch of technical difficulties.

[18:30] We kept having to stop the recording because there was a thing where our, what we said just

[18:38] turned into crazy beep-boop noises.

[18:41] Uh, we would look at the waveform and it was a bunch of squares rather than normal waveform

[18:46] things.

[18:46] And we'd be like, that's not right.

[18:48] We are a bunch of squares.

[18:49] Mm-hmm.

[18:50] And we checked back and it was making terrible noises.

[18:52] So we've switched the internal microphone on the, um.

[18:56] Computer.

[18:57] Computer.

[18:57] The word you were looking for was computer.

[18:59] Yeah.

[19:00] If, if this episode suddenly sounds a lot worse, that's why.

[19:05] And we apologize.

[19:06] We're going to hopefully be able to fix this in future episodes.

Stuart Wellington

[19:10] Yeah, it's pretty easy.

[19:11] Just take your podcast player, go over to, uh, unsubscribe and just mash your thumb against

[19:16] it until your iPhone screen breaks.

[19:19] That's, that'll, that'll correct our recording problem.

[19:24] You won't have to worry about it anymore.

Dan McCoy

[19:26] No, I think it's time for, uh, this, I've had this computer for something like seven years

[19:31] now.

[19:31] Whoa.

[19:32] Check him out.

[19:33] Whoa.

Elliott Kalan

[19:34] Someone's looking at new computers and kind of interested.

Dan McCoy

[19:38] I think it's time for us to, uh, switch over and get a new computer.

[19:43] Um, but I apologize for how this audio probably sounds right now.

[19:49] But there's nothing we can do about it.

[19:52] So, hooray.

[19:53] Better this than no episode, right?

Elliott Kalan

[19:55] Well, if you're talking about monster trucks, I'm not so sure.

[19:59] Dan, let's just talk about monster trucks.

[20:02] Okay.

[20:02] So, this oil company, TeraVex, it's drilling in an underwater lake, an underground lake.

[20:07] Uh-oh.

[20:08] It finds some kind of strange life form, uh, these tentacle monsters, and it captures two

[20:12] of them.

[20:13] But a third one goes on the loose.

[20:14] Uh-oh.

[20:15] It ends up appearing at the junkyard that Trip works at.

[20:20] Trip manages it.

[20:21] He sees it and it scares him and he calls the police.

[20:24] The police run by his mom's boyfriend, Barry Pepper, who's the sheriff in the town.

[20:29] And, but the monster's gone by the time they show up and he's like, what?

[20:31] What?

[20:32] Uh?

[20:32] Barry Pepper doesn't believe him.

[20:34] Thinks it was a prank.

[20:35] But it was no prank.

[20:36] It was a monster.

[20:37] As Trip finds out, when he traps the monster by baiting it, baiting a trap with oil.

[20:44] Because these animals eat oil.

[20:46] Turns out to be some kind of big tentacle monster.

[20:49] Stuart, Dan, want to describe this monster for us?

[20:51] The titular monster in the truck?

Dan McCoy

[20:53] It's like a cute Cthulhu.

[20:55] It's like an adorable dog of a Cthulhu.

Stuart Wellington

[20:58] Yeah, it's kind of like if the monster from Deep Rising was a little cuter.

[21:05] Not much, but like a little bit.

[21:07] That's it.

[21:08] It struck me as like an adorable version of the squid from Prometheus.

[21:11] Oh, I was thinking that too.

[21:13] Yeah.

[21:14] Not quite as sexy though.

[21:15] The squid from Prometheus is very sexy.

[21:17] Oh, tell me about it.

[21:18] Just leave me alone with that squid for a couple minutes.

[21:20] Yeah.

[21:20] It's going to be like this.

[21:21] Leave me with that or like one of those beefcakes.

[21:23] And I'm like, I can't help myself from one of those big white beefcakes.

[21:26] Wait, you mean like a meat pie?

[21:29] Well, no.

[21:30] Like a British style pub meat pie?

[21:32] Yeah.

[21:32] Let me think about Prometheus.

[21:34] All the meat pies in that.

[21:35] No, idiot.

[21:39] I'm talking about the big white beefcake dude who rips off that dude's head and throws it around.

Elliott Kalan

[21:44] Like when he strips down in the beginning and then drinks that thing that turns him into DNA goo so he can seed life on a planet.

Stuart Wellington

[21:52] Yeah.

[21:54] We've all been there, right, Dan?

[21:55] Seeding life on the planet when we strip down.

Dan McCoy

[21:57] Yeah.

[21:58] I mean, I talked about it earlier in the podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[22:00] Yeah.

[22:01] You were just...

[22:01] So when Dan does that to himself, when he abuses himself like that, but he's really doing...

[22:06] I wouldn't call it abuse.

[22:07] I mean, it's consensual, I guess.

[22:09] He's trying to just spread genetic material into the world in order to create biodiversity.

[22:14] I hate to break it to you, Dan.

[22:16] That's not how it works.

[22:17] No?

Dan McCoy

[22:19] I can't reproduce just by putting my spores all over the place?

[22:23] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[22:24] You smear your hand around on library books like in Squid and the Whale.

[22:27] Or Ghostbusters.

[22:28] Squids!

[22:29] Of course!

Elliott Kalan

[22:30] Which brings us back to monster trucks.

[22:33] Now, Tripp also becomes friends with Meredith, his classmate played by Jane Levy.

[22:38] Levy?

[22:39] Let's say Levy.

[22:41] Levy, who is totally into him and he just cannot read the signs.

Stuart Wellington

[22:46] And as we mentioned while watching the movie, Dan's crush notwithstanding, she is certainly

[22:53] better than the material she's given.

Dan McCoy

[22:55] Yeah, sure.

[22:56] Jane Levy's great.

[22:57] She was in Suburgatory, which is an underrated little sitcom.

[23:01] What?

[23:02] Oh, okay.

[23:03] I didn't know what it was underrated.

[23:04] I couldn't tell.

Stuart Wellington

[23:05] We're trapped in a vortex of vocal fry.

Dan McCoy

[23:09] She was in the Evil Dead remake.

[23:11] She was the hero of that.

Elliott Kalan

[23:13] So much vocal fry.

[23:14] Yep.

[23:14] Is Barack Obama here?

Dan McCoy

[23:16] She was the hero of Don't Breathe?

Elliott Kalan

[23:22] She's very good.

[23:24] I like her a lot.

[23:25] Well, she's the nerd character, which means she's beautiful.

[23:29] Because as we were talking about...

Stuart Wellington

[23:31] Yeah, because like Roman Mars says, we're all beautiful nerds.

[23:34] I'm paraphrasing.

[23:36] Or as Christina Aguilera says, we're all beautiful nerds.

[23:40] Well, she says, you are beautiful.

[23:42] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[23:43] In every single way.

[23:44] But she's leaving herself out of that.

[23:45] She's not saying we're beautiful, because she knows she's hideous.

[23:49] Inside.

[23:50] Yeah.

[23:51] No, I'm sure she's a fine person.

[23:52] She's the voice or whatever.

[23:53] Anyway.

[23:54] So, Trip and Meredith, they find out that this creature, who Trip names Creech, is...

[24:00] Uh-huh.

Stuart Wellington

[24:01] Is...

[24:01] Oh, it's short for creature, I guess.

[24:03] It's short for creature.

[24:04] That's better than chur.

Elliott Kalan

[24:05] Yeah, yeah.

[24:06] Or roo.

[24:07] Yeah.

[24:08] Now, he could have given it another name, like Slippy, or Tentacle, or...

[24:13] Gas Guzzler.

[24:15] Gas Guzzler.

[24:16] Oiliver.

[24:17] Mmm.

[24:18] Oiliver is really good.

[24:19] Oil like.

Stuart Wellington

[24:20] You got one?

[24:20] You got one on the tip of your tongue?

Dan McCoy

[24:23] Octoboy.

Stuart Wellington

[24:24] All right.

[24:25] Okay.

[24:26] Well, let's...

[24:27] I guess we'll call it Octoboy for the rest of the episode.

Elliott Kalan

[24:29] Take two.

[24:30] Let's try Dan's next idea.

[24:32] Squidsy.

[24:33] Squidsy.

[24:34] I'm missing Octoboy.

[24:35] Didn't think that was going to be possible.

[24:37] Give you one more try.

[24:39] Three strikes and you're out.

[24:42] Tintalclavular.

[24:43] Kind of like it.

[24:45] I mean, it sounds like a demon in a movie Stuart would like.

[24:48] Yeah, I like that guy.

[24:49] Tintalclavular.

[24:50] You finish the Croakman configuration and Tintalclavular comes out.

[24:54] I heard a prophecy about the Tintalclavular.

[24:56] So Octoboy, or Creech as they call him, Tripp has two interests in life.

[25:02] One, finding a father figure that he can relate to.

[25:04] Because his dad...

[25:05] Wait, is this...

[25:06] Are we talking about Creech's motivations or Tripp's?

[25:08] Tripp's.

[25:09] Okay.

[25:09] One, finding a father figure.

[25:11] And two, trucks.

[25:12] Yeah.

[25:13] He works at the junkyard.

[25:14] He loves making trucks.

[25:15] He's refixing up an old truck.

[25:17] He's a real gearhead.

[25:18] He's a real gearhead, which also sounds like a Hellraiser type character like Tintalclavular.

Stuart Wellington

[25:23] Yeah, a real grease monkey.

Elliott Kalan

[25:25] Which, again, could also be a Cenobite.

[25:28] There's almost no two...

[25:30] There's no two-word phrase that could not be a Hellraiser villain.

[25:34] Yeah.

[25:35] Come up with one.

[25:36] Dan, come up with a two-word phrase that can't be a Hellraiser villain.

[25:41] Uh...

[25:41] Clay...

[25:42] Derek.

[25:42] This is not that hard.

[25:44] Clay Derek?

[25:45] I don't know.

[25:46] That can't be a name.

[25:47] Classic phrase.

[25:48] What do you mean, like, an oil Derek?

[25:49] It's a Derek.

[25:49] It's an old Derek.

Dan McCoy

[25:51] I'm thinking about oil.

[25:51] I got oil on the brain because of Clavulus.

[25:54] Oh, that's very dangerous.

[25:55] Tintalclavulus.

[25:55] To have oil on your brain?

Elliott Kalan

[25:57] Or on your brain, I mean.

[25:58] Not Blaine.

[25:58] David Blaine.

[25:59] If we put oil all over David Blaine, yeah.

[26:00] Oil, I'm up.

[26:01] It only protects him from the ice he's encased in.

[26:03] Yeah.

[26:04] So, long story short, they make friends with Octoboy, Tintalclavulus, Creech.

[26:10] And it turns out Creech...

[26:12] Well, here's where I don't buy what the movie's selling.

[26:15] Creech...

[26:15] Go on.

[26:16] ...crawls into the body of a car that Trip is...

[26:18] A truck.

[26:19] I'm so sorry.

[26:20] A truck that Trip has been working on.

Stuart Wellington

[26:22] And he's like...

[26:22] What is weird about that?

[26:23] You know, back in the day when I had a ball python...

[26:26] Mm-hmm.

[26:27] My ball python, the first thing he did when I just let him hang out in the basement, which

[26:32] was a bad idea, was to immediately find the closest, like, lazy boy recliner and then wrap

[26:39] himself all up in the guts of that shit.

[26:41] Okay, well, maybe...

[26:42] Took forever to get him out of there.

[26:45] Maybe I'm wrong then, because Creech finds himself...

[26:49] By the way, that ball python's name was Bone Crusher.

[26:53] Because when I was a little boy...

[26:54] Isn't that another monster truck?

[26:55] It should be, right?

[26:56] When I was a little boy, when I was very angry at my mom, I would stand at the top of the

[27:02] staircase...

[27:03] And just yell, Bone Crusher?

[27:04] I would stare at her, and I would stomp my feet, and I would say, I'm going to crush

[27:08] your bones and throw them out the window.

[27:12] So I was able to take that moment in my life and transform it into a beautiful creature named

[27:18] Bone Crusher, the ball python.

Elliott Kalan

[27:21] What eventually happened to Bone Crusher?

Stuart Wellington

[27:23] Oh, he died of mouth rot.

[27:24] Oh, that's terrible.

[27:25] No, it's not horrible.

[27:26] Mouth rot is crazy, dude.

[27:28] It's like super common and the worst thing in the world.

[27:33] It's like a...

[27:33] It's a fungal growth in the snake's mouth.

[27:36] Oh, that's horrible.

[27:37] Stuart, am I...

[27:38] Am I...

[27:38] Am I going to get mouth rot?

[27:40] Yeah.

[27:41] If you keep doing what you've been doing lately...

[27:44] Okay, I don't know why you need to mouth shame me, but Dan, just open up your pocket, I'll slip

[27:52] some dental dams in there.

[27:53] Wait, why would that...

[27:55] When he's making out with ball pythons.

Elliott Kalan

[27:58] Now, Creech twines himself around the axles of this truck, and Trip finds that Creech can

[28:05] just live inside the truck with a few manipulations of the truck, and by controlling when Trip can

[28:11] see the outside world from inside the...

[28:13] Or when Creech can see the outside world from inside the truck, Trip can make him motor the

[28:17] truck and drive around.

[28:18] Now, the movie posits, it's brought up briefly by Meredith that this is not...

[28:23] Doesn't seem like the best way to treat this new beautiful animal, and Trip says, he likes

[28:27] it.

[28:28] Come on.

[28:29] And the movie kind of expects us to buy that, because otherwise the rest of the film is the

[28:33] enslaving of a new life form.

[28:35] He likes it.

Dan McCoy

[28:36] Listen to him singing those spirituals.

Elliott Kalan

[28:39] That's great.

[28:40] He always is smiling when I walk by.

[28:42] Whenever I ask him if he likes it, he says, yes, sir, yes.

[28:46] Mm-hmm.

[28:47] What?

[28:48] He ran away in the middle of the night, but I thought he loved me.

Stuart Wellington

[28:52] So, if you haven't seen the trailers for Monster Trucks, or seen the movie, which you probably

[28:57] shouldn't, you don't understand that...

[29:00] How does a tentacle monster make the wheels of a car go fast?

[29:03] Oh, please explain this to me.

[29:04] Well, it all has to do with when he wraps one of his tentacles around something.

[29:08] I'm talking about Creech, not Trip.

[29:10] We don't ever talk about Trip's tentacles.

[29:12] No.

[29:12] Or fingers, as they're also known.

[29:14] Creech's tentacles.

[29:15] When he wraps it around something metal, things start to glow a little bit.

[29:20] They're a little cilia.

[29:21] And then the cilia make that shit rotate super fast.

[29:24] And, of course, Dan was over there in the corner imagining what it would do to your weenus.

[29:28] All right, Dan?

[29:30] Uh...

[29:31] We've been doing a lot of talk about manipulation of Dan's weenus in this episode.

[29:35] I say let's put a...

[29:36] It's a theme of the show.

[29:37] That's going to be in the tag in iTunes.

Elliott Kalan

[29:40] Dan's weenus.

[29:42] Explicit, followed by Dan's weenus.

[29:44] I think let's put a more at-muriam on talking about some kind of hand or digit or paw manipulating Dan's genitals.

[29:52] Sure.

[29:52] Let's just take that off the table of topics for the moment.

[29:56] Later, maybe we can get back to...

[29:58] Maybe.

[29:58] What about a talon?

[30:00] I mean, I would not recommend it.

[30:02] All right.

[30:03] But you could go for it.

[30:04] Sure.

[30:04] If you want to pay a hawk to do that to you.

Dan McCoy

[30:09] Hudson Hawk.

[30:10] The cilia...

[30:11] Yeah, Hudson Hawk.

[30:12] Makes the wheels go.

[30:14] Yeah.

[30:14] Which I say is silly.

[30:16] Huh?

Elliott Kalan

[30:18] Oh, man.

[30:19] It appears that we're experiencing more technical problems.

Stuart Wellington

[30:21] Boop, boop, beep, boop.

[30:23] And delete file.

Elliott Kalan

[30:26] So, the company, they've caught Creech's parents.

[30:30] Yeah.

[30:31] And they know, if word gets out, that this amazing oil-eating life form that's never been seen before lives there, they're not going to be able to drill for oil.

[30:38] And so, Rob Lowe, he tasks Thomas Lennon with finding out what the deal is, or Dillio, as the kids would say, with these aliens so that they can kill them all, I guess.

[30:48] But Thomas Lennon, he comes to really like the two that he has, he's experimenting on, Creech's parents.

Stuart Wellington

[30:54] I mean, they're all pretty adorable.

Elliott Kalan

[30:56] They are pretty adorbs.

[30:57] For like a big blob, yeah.

[30:58] It's like adorable snot.

[30:59] Like, if snot was cute, it would be Creech.

Stuart Wellington

[31:03] Yeah, okay.

[31:04] That's a better tagline for the poster than, on March 13th, meet Creech.

Elliott Kalan

[31:09] Well, the problem is that a lot of people thought that it was supposed to say meet Screech.

[31:14] And they're like, finally, that's Saved by the Bell feature film.

[31:17] Now, Dan, who would play the characters in the Saved by the Bell feature film?

[31:20] Cast it with current actors.

[31:23] Now, keeping in mind that Dennis Haskins will be playing Mr. Belding.

[31:26] Well, that's too bad.

Stuart Wellington

[31:27] He's taking a role from a John Hodgman type.

Elliott Kalan

[31:29] I would say like a David Teckner could play that role.

[31:32] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[31:34] So, for, what's his face, the lead guy?

[31:37] Zach, you mean?

Stuart Wellington

[31:38] For some reason, Dan intentionally forgot the name of the character, Zach Morris.

Dan McCoy

[31:43] We've got, like Prometheus, Michael Fassbender in a blonde wig.

[31:49] Really?

[31:50] Really?

Elliott Kalan

[31:50] Not Zac Efron, who is perfect for the role and is already named Zac?

Stuart Wellington

[31:54] No.

[31:55] I think he's more of an A.C. Slater type.

[31:56] He's got that body.

Elliott Kalan

[31:57] Although, Dwayne The Rock Johnson would be great.

[32:00] Dwayne The Rock Johnson would be A.C. Slater.

[32:01] And they'd, like, de-age him with computers.

[32:03] Yeah.

[32:03] But who would play Screech?

[32:04] Like a Jay Baruchel?

[32:06] Screech is an elderly Eddie Deason.

[32:10] Whoa.

[32:11] He's like a return home.

[32:12] Wow.

[32:13] You know that Eddie Deason is like, Dustin Diamond stole all my best stuff.

Stuart Wellington

[32:16] Eddie Deason's like, between takes, you're going to have to submerge me in that swimming pool with cocoon testicles.

Elliott Kalan

[32:24] And who would play Lisa Turtle?

[32:27] A turtle.

[32:28] An actual turtle.

[32:29] Okay.

[32:29] Wow.

[32:30] Okay.

[32:30] It's very interesting stunt casting.

[32:32] Who would play Jesse Spano, played originally by Elizabeth Breckley?

[32:35] Now, Lisa Turtle, I should mention, was played by Lark Voorhees, A.C. Slater by Mario Lopez.

[32:40] But in the movie, apparently, she's played by Fisher Stevens.

[32:44] An actual turtle.

[32:47] So, Dan, who would play Jesse Spano?

[32:49] Who would you remember as the activist?

[32:52] Carrot Top.

[32:54] Okay, it is a female character.

[32:56] I'm not drag.

Stuart Wellington

[32:56] Non-binary, bro.

[32:58] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[32:59] It's creative for a casting.

[33:00] And now what?

[33:01] Everybody's sweetheart, Kelly Kapowski.

Stuart Wellington

[33:02] Oh, man.

[33:03] That's a tough one.

[33:04] Every dream.

[33:05] Every person's dream.

[33:07] Boy or girl.

[33:08] Who knows?

[33:09] Yeah.

[33:10] Or, I'm assuming, even Screech's robot wanted to be with Kelly.

[33:13] His name was Kevin, and yes.

[33:16] Help me out here, Stu.

[33:17] What do you think?

[33:18] Okay, let's see.

[33:19] We're going to need somebody.

[33:20] I mean, Emma Stone's the most obvious American sweetheart I can think of.

[33:23] Okay, Emma Stone's pretty good for that.

[33:25] Yeah.

[33:25] Mm-hmm.

[33:26] So, Emma Stone and Michael Fassbender.

[33:29] So, I guess Hollywood get in touch with us?

Elliott Kalan

[33:32] Are we their agents?

[33:33] I don't understand.

[33:34] You've got to pay us for this.

[33:35] We've packaged it.

[33:36] Yeah.

[33:37] The hard part's going to be finding a turtle that can carry the role of Lisa.

[33:41] Yeah, his name's Fisher Stevens.

Dan McCoy

[33:43] I don't know that it'd be hard to carry the role of Lisa.

[33:45] They did not give her a lot to do.

Elliott Kalan

[33:47] They gave her plenty to do.

[33:49] No.

[33:50] Sometimes.

Stuart Wellington

[33:51] I feel like she was the forgotten member.

[33:52] She has all these traits.

[33:53] She's rich.

[33:54] There was that episode where she broke her leg and had to learn a new dance.

[33:57] And then the dance competition, yeah.

[33:59] She's into fashion.

[34:01] All these things are true.

[34:03] She is eternally beset upon by Screech, who is, I think at that point, that's like emotional

[34:09] abuse.

[34:10] Yeah.

[34:11] When your friend is constantly badgering you like that.

Elliott Kalan

[34:14] Well, the thing is, and this is, look, I'm not one of those guys who's like, oh, the

[34:18] friend zone.

[34:18] Oh, man.

[34:19] These women.

[34:20] What are you talking about?

Stuart Wellington

[34:21] Last week, you were complaining about the friend zone to me for like three hours.

[34:24] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[34:24] You're like, my wife put me in the friend zone.

[34:28] I'm just trying to get with my wife, but she totally put me in the friend zone.

[34:32] Which is odd, because you guys have a child together.

[34:34] I was talking about the ESPN zone, my favorite theme restaurant.

[34:38] But no, but Screech, it's like, Screech, get the message.

[34:41] She's not into you.

[34:43] It's more healthy for you to figure out somebody else to be with.

[34:45] Maybe Tori, who was on the show sometimes.

Stuart Wellington

[34:49] Yep.

[34:50] Travel back in time to the Tori years.

[34:52] Travel back to Indiana when Tori was a cast member, right?

[34:56] No, I think it was later than that.

[34:58] Okay.

[34:58] So the other thing is, Screech should date outside of their immediate circle, if only

[35:06] to add more students to the spotlight.

[35:10] No, no, no.

[35:11] Like, there was that episode where they do a fucking, they do a, what do you call those

[35:15] things where you bury something in the yard with all your memories?

[35:18] A time capsule?

[35:19] A time capsule.

[35:20] The time capsule.

[35:21] That's a thing.

[35:22] What was that called?

[35:22] Like a time bandit?

[35:23] Like a memory hole?

[35:25] Yeah.

[35:26] Like a remember me dig?

[35:27] So they crack over the time capsule and they're putting together a time capsule.

[35:32] For the school, right?

[35:33] Yeah, for the entire school and all the memories of six fucking students.

[35:37] Are you kidding me?

[35:38] Here's my-

[35:38] That is trash.

Elliott Kalan

[35:40] Here's my theory.

[35:41] Have either of you ever read the story, I have no mouth and I'm a scream?

[35:44] No.

[35:45] Which there's like five or six people left in the world and they're all being kept alive

[35:49] so that they can be tortured by a computer that has taken over the planet.

[35:54] That's the situation, basically.

[35:57] Humanity died out long ago except for our heroes on the Saved by the Bell plane.

[36:01] Anyone else they see, maybe Mr. Belling's one of them, I don't know, is just like a fiction

[36:06] created by the computer.

Stuart Wellington

[36:07] It's a real Matrix type thing.

[36:08] Oh, so like that guy that A.C. Slater catches smoking a joint in the bathroom, he's just part

[36:13] of the Matrix.

[36:14] Exactly.

[36:15] Oh, that makes sense.

[36:15] Max owns the Max, the diner that's also on school grounds.

[36:20] What about the manager of the Max who Kelly starts dating for a while, I think just to

[36:26] turn Zach into like an angry cook?

[36:28] I don't remember that one.

[36:32] That was a dark storyline.

Elliott Kalan

[36:35] This also explains how Zach could get a 1502 on his SATs because he never really took them.

[36:40] It's just all part of the computer program.

Stuart Wellington

[36:42] Oh, okay.

[36:43] So, and is that how Jesse Spano was able to kick her addiction to caffeine pills so quickly?

[36:49] So instantly, yeah, yeah.

[36:50] Guys, we've talked about all the episodes that Stuart remembers.

[36:53] Let's move on.

[36:55] So, you don't remember when the behind the music about Zach Attack that Casey Kasem hosted?

[36:58] Oh, shit, I do remember that, yeah.

[37:00] Or maybe that was all just part of the Matrix.

Elliott Kalan

[37:02] That's why they sang that song, I think, that goes,

Stuart Wellington

[37:04] We'd always be together.

[37:08] So, it was after that episode aired that some fucking coked up studio head is like,

[37:13] Fuck it, dude.

[37:14] Let's just make a whole show about that and call it California Dreams.

[37:18] That's what happened.

Elliott Kalan

[37:20] So, monster trucks, anyway.

[37:22] I think, is it clear how this movie really didn't capture our imagination?

[37:29] It's like your classic alien being befriends a kid,

[37:33] and they have to go save the other aliens from an evil company or a government or whatever.

[37:38] It's as template of that as it could possibly be.

Dan McCoy

[37:42] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[37:43] You have a town where there are...

[37:45] Well, let's wait until Final Judgment's here.

[37:47] Oh, sorry, okay, because maybe you loved it.

[37:48] Maybe I loved it.

[37:49] The population of this town consists of Trip, his mom, who we see twice the entirety of the movie,

[37:55] his mom's boyfriend, the sheriff, the sheriff's two deputies...

[37:58] A poor car dealership owner...

[37:59] A poor...

[38:00] Yeah.

[38:00] ...who lost most of his business.

[38:02] A used car dealer who's about to defraud an old man until, during a car chase,

[38:07] Creech's truck runs over almost the entirety of his stock and then dumps paint all over him.

Stuart Wellington

[38:12] Yeah, ruining his suit that looked like it was worth, I don't know, all of $20.

Elliott Kalan

[38:16] Yeah, he was a real better call Saul.

[38:18] And also, there's the girl who refers to a father many times who we never actually see,

[38:25] and this other kid who seems to own a car dealership.

[38:28] We can paint a picture of her father just through his possessions.

[38:32] That's true, he possesses a barn with a horse in it.

[38:34] Two horses.

[38:35] Two horses.

[38:35] She says he never goes in there.

[38:37] And also, a cabin up by lake.

[38:38] Who feeds the horses?

[38:41] The horse fairy.

[38:42] Oh, okay.

[38:43] Now, anyway, Trip is like, we gotta help Creech find his parents or whatever.

[38:51] And there's a couple different chases as the company hires a kind of bounty hunter, I guess,

[38:57] to track down Creech.

Dan McCoy

[38:58] He's like the security for the company.

[39:00] He's just the head of security.

[39:02] But, yeah, as you say, he's kind of...

Stuart Wellington

[39:04] He's a real, like, Blackwater type.

[39:06] He's...

[39:06] Yeah.

[39:06] The cool thing about this guy is he wears those black latex gloves that tattoo artists wear

[39:13] or, like, douchey celebrity chefs wear on TV shows.

Elliott Kalan

[39:20] Yeah.

[39:20] I guess.

[39:21] I mean, sure.

[39:21] He doesn't want his fingerprints on his taser.

Stuart Wellington

[39:23] He's always carrying around.

[39:23] I haven't seen...

[39:24] Like, there's nothing funnier to me than the, like, a celebrity chef who, instead of wearing

[39:28] normal, like, latex gloves in a kitchen, is like, I'm gonna wear these cool black ones.

[39:34] Because I play by my own rules.

[39:36] I have not seen this trope.

[39:37] Okay, now, this maybe only happens on Bar Rescue, which is the only show I watch on TV.

[39:43] Yeah.

[39:44] Because you're like, I need to understand how to rescue my own bar.

[39:47] I need to rescue my own bar.

[39:48] It's going down the tube.

[39:49] I got a Dan McCoy prop it up one end, scaring all my customers away.

[39:54] Well, because he's always wearing a werewolf mask.

[39:56] I know.

[39:56] And I'm like, hey, dude, how are you even drinking with that?

Elliott Kalan

[40:00] I use a straw.

[40:01] Oh.

[40:02] I mean, you'd think seeing a werewolf drinking through a straw would defuse a lot of the scare

[40:07] tension.

[40:08] But it makes it even more strange.

[40:10] Yeah.

[40:10] It's like a lion wearing a birthday hat.

[40:13] It should be cute, but it's kind of scarier.

Stuart Wellington

[40:15] Yeah, did it eat a birthday kid?

Elliott Kalan

[40:18] It ate it so quickly that the hat flew into the air and then landed directly on his head.

[40:22] Yeah.

[40:23] He just shoved his mouth over the kid's head in such a way that the hat flew onto his head.

[40:28] Sure.

[40:29] Thank you for explaining what I just said.

[40:32] I thought I had a different way to say it, but it turned out I didn't.

[40:36] Tripp and Meredith, the girl who wants to be his girlfriend, but he's just not reading

[40:39] the signals, which is a realistic portrayal of a teen boy.

[40:44] Teen boys do not know how to read signals from girls.

Dan McCoy

[40:46] Although, like, this guy, he's so fucking interested in trucks that it is really getting in the

[40:52] way of, like, this girl is, like, so clearly andual.

Elliott Kalan

[40:56] Yeah, like, she's all but jumping on him, and he's like, oh, but truck.

[41:00] Yeah.

[41:00] It was interesting for the movie.

[41:01] You don't have wheels.

[41:03] Where's your windshield?

[41:06] It was interesting that they went with.

[41:07] What's your cargo hold?

[41:10] Do you have a 405?

[41:11] Can Kevin Solo fit in your cargo hold?

[41:14] Tell me about your torque.

[41:16] That's what his, he has a t-shirt that says, tell me about your torque.

Stuart Wellington

[41:21] So, it's interesting that the casting director went with just a, like a traditional handsome

[41:30] type, you know, like a real Tom Noonan.

[41:33] Yeah, he's a total Tom Noonan.

[41:37] As opposed to someone who could act.

[41:39] Yeah, as opposed to somebody who's like, like your everyday average wallflower, Peter

[41:45] Parker type.

[41:46] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[41:47] Well, something we've talked about, I think, before is that how movies, everyone has to

[41:51] be super attractive in the movies, which is kind of how movies have always been.

[41:55] But even a character who's supposed to be an outcast.

[41:56] Like taking a film, one, two, three?

[41:59] Well, I mean, that was not a liar.

[42:01] But how even a character who's supposed to be a nerd, or an outcast, or Peter Parker,

[42:05] for instance, is still like a handsome, cool dude.

Stuart Wellington

[42:07] I just watched fucking Arthur the other day.

[42:10] The Aardvark cartoon?

[42:11] Yeah, Arthur the Aardvark starring Dudley Moore.

Elliott Kalan

[42:15] No wonder he's drinking so much.

[42:18] His Aardvark's stuck in a human world.

Stuart Wellington

[42:19] That's why he's squeezing his fist, is because he's got the DTs.

Elliott Kalan

[42:24] I'm just looking for an anthill to dig into.

Stuart Wellington

[42:28] Man, what the fuck is, I haven't seen that, like, I don't even remember watching that whole

[42:32] movie before, and I watched it on Saturday.

[42:34] What is going on there?

[42:36] Why does Liza Minnelli like him?

[42:39] Because he's a charming drunk.

[42:40] Is he charming?

[42:41] Not really.

[42:42] That's the thing.

[42:44] Who made this movie?

[42:46] Dan, answer for Arthur.

Dan McCoy

[42:49] He's Dudley Moore, which means he's a little imp of a man.

Elliott Kalan

[42:55] Oh, certainly, yeah.

[42:56] I mean, let's all agree.

[42:57] If Dudley Moore was a normal-sized height human, and he did the same things he did in

[43:02] Arthur, or Ten, or any of his movies, he would be in jail.

[43:05] And rightfully so.

[43:07] But he gets away with it because he's a leprechaun.

Stuart Wellington

[43:10] What if Dudley Moore had been the lead in this movie?

Elliott Kalan

[43:14] What, playing Creech or playing Trish?

[43:16] Playing 17-year-olds?

[43:17] Wait, is Creech the lead?

[43:18] He's the title character.

[43:20] I guess you're right.

[43:20] So now imagine Dudley Moore holding onto the axles of a truck.

[43:24] You're going, vroom, vroom.

[43:25] You're going, vroom, vroom.

Stuart Wellington

[43:26] Oil, please.

[43:28] Yeah, just going on drunken rants.

[43:29] I like it.

[43:30] Dan, can you do a Dudley Moore impression?

Elliott Kalan

[43:31] It seems like it would be right up your alley.

[43:35] Okay, Elliot, you're John Gil.

Dan McCoy

[43:36] It's me, Dudley Moore.

[43:37] Oh, I'm so drunk right now.

[43:40] Oh, well, what you doing there?

[43:41] Oh, that's not bad, actually.

[43:43] I'll allow it.

Elliott Kalan

[43:44] That was Judge Dredd.

[43:46] All right.

[43:48] Judge Dredd let you off the charges of bad impression.

[43:51] He'll allow it.

[43:51] Yep.

[43:52] So they go to try, they say, we need some help.

[43:55] Let me go find my dad.

[43:56] They go visit Frank Whaley at his trailer where he lives.

[43:59] He's a miner or something, or a driller.

[44:02] But he rats them out to the company, and they escape.

[44:05] There's a long car chase.

Dan McCoy

[44:07] Don't gloss over the fact that in the car chase,

[44:10] the hero rams his monster truck through the trailer of his father.

[44:16] I mean, his father ratted him out,

[44:17] but that does not mean that he can destroy his home.

Elliott Kalan

[44:21] There is so much collateral damage in this movie,

[44:23] and so many cars flipping over, we were like,

[44:26] okay, the driver of that car is dead.

Stuart Wellington

[44:28] How many more must Creech slay before he finally reaches refuge?

[44:33] I mean, at least one moment, Jane Levy's character is like,

[44:36] I hope they were wearing their seatbelts.

[44:37] I'm like, I don't think they were.

[44:39] Yeah, they were trying to get a better position to shoot your alien or whatever.

[44:42] They're Splatsville now.

[44:44] Population, those guys.

Dan McCoy

[44:46] They're those red spots in those

[44:49] driver's ed videos that you see right now.

[44:53] Right now?

[44:54] Right now.

[44:54] But on television?

Stuart Wellington

[44:57] We're watching them right now.

[44:59] So realistic.

[45:00] Oh, wow.

[45:01] Why are we watching videos on a rotten.com?

[45:04] Wait, is that a thing still?

[45:04] Does that still exist?

[45:06] Dan, is that real, or is it all 4chan now?

Dan McCoy

[45:08] What is, I don't even know what rotten.com was.

Stuart Wellington

[45:10] That's where you would go when you were in college and you wanted to see like gross shit,

Dan McCoy

[45:13] like pictures of Chris Farley's crime scene and shit?

Stuart Wellington

[45:16] Yeah, that guy, the local politician.

[45:18] Chris Farley's crime scene?

Elliott Kalan

[45:19] Yeah, when he died.

[45:20] When he was a cat for a blow.

[45:22] When Chris Farley was stealing diamonds from all the richest dowagers in the world.

[45:26] Yeah.

[45:28] When you want to see a photo of like a corpse they found somewhere.

[45:31] You know.

[45:32] Oh, yeah.

[45:32] In the old days, you had to stand by me and go walk a hundred miles to find a corpse.

Stuart Wellington

[45:37] I am not, yeah, I'm not defending myself in college.

[45:39] I was an idiot for just looking at random things on the internet.

[45:42] But like, it took forever to download shit, so you just kind of looked at what showed up.

Dan McCoy

[45:49] That's the opposite of an excuse.

[45:52] Like, if it took forever to download shit, you must have made like a concerted effort to look at the things that you looked at.

[45:58] There were four websites, Dan.

[45:59] There were four websites.

Elliott Kalan

[46:00] One of them was AOL.com, which is just a portal to other sites, basically.

[46:04] And he also was like Geocities.

Stuart Wellington

[46:08] Or is it Geocities?

[46:09] I like to say Geocities because it sounds like atrocities.

Elliott Kalan

[46:12] I imagine a scientist in the movie is like, oh, the Geocity is off the charts.

[46:17] I've never seen Geocities at this level.

[46:19] Speaking of scientists and charts and levels, there's an unwieldyly long car chase where they go from the middle of the movie with trucks in the title.

[46:27] There's an unnecessarily long car chase.

[46:29] Oh, but then there's another car.

[46:30] So, and they escape and blah, blah, blah.

[46:32] And they realize they're going to have to save Geocities' parents, which leads us to they finally get everyone escaped.

[46:39] And they realize the company is going to pump poison into the underground lake.

[46:43] Thomas Lennon has joined up with our heroes.

[46:45] The three of them are like, we're going to stop this.

[46:48] Well, we're going to need some trucks.

[46:49] So they overnight refit two trucks.

[46:52] Yeah, they do like a put one foot in front of the other montage.

[46:55] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[46:55] One of those standard like Monstro retrofits.

Elliott Kalan

[46:59] Yeah, where they turn it into Monstro, the whale from Pinocchio.

[47:02] Then they swallow Pinocchio.

Stuart Wellington

[47:04] Pinocchio's like, thanks, guys.

[47:06] He's like, I'm going to tell a shitload of lies.

[47:08] So my nose pierces the hull of this whale.

[47:11] Killing it from the inside.

Elliott Kalan

[47:13] Like a real Kratos.

[47:15] A very dark version of Pinocchio.

[47:18] He's like, my nose is stuck in you, so I'll drown too, but I take you with me.

Stuart Wellington

[47:23] So anyway.

[47:24] And Monstro's like, congratulations, Pinocchio.

[47:27] That's the first non-lie you've said all day.

[47:30] No!

[47:30] And his nose shrinks back down.

[47:32] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[47:34] Monstro is really good at these cat and mouse psychological games.

[47:38] Yeah.

[47:39] So they retrofit these trucks.

[47:42] They go to break out Kreech's parents.

[47:44] And now let me just say this.

[47:45] This movie is essentially a Flintstones.

[47:49] Eh, it's a living gag for the entire movie.

[47:51] Because they're using these tentacle monsters to drive their cars as car engines.

[47:57] That's it.

[47:57] It's all that.

[47:58] Someone said, hey, what would it really be like if I had a Flintstones-type vehicle

[48:03] that was operated by an animal moving things?

[48:05] What would be the, let me spin that out and its farthest repercussions.

Stuart Wellington

[48:08] The two other gentlemen who get a story credit on this movie

[48:12] helped that one gentleman extrapolate on that idea.

[48:14] Exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[48:15] So they had another car chase to get to the mine

[48:19] to stop them before they pumped the lake full of poison.

[48:22] This leads to a car chase that is, it's over mountain roads.

[48:26] At one point, Trip is falling out of,

[48:28] is hanging onto the open door of the truck over a cliff.

[48:32] And the bad guy is trying to ram that truck.

[48:35] And Barry Pepper stops that guy with his car, rightfully so,

[48:38] because that man is trying to murder the son of his girlfriend.

[48:42] Or just anybody, because he's the sheriff.

[48:44] That's true.

[48:45] Good point.

[48:46] It is also his job to just keep law and order in the town.

[48:49] Yeah.

[48:49] Barry Pepper finds an enormous construction equipment machine,

[48:53] which leads to a point that I wanted to discuss in greater detail,

[48:57] because there's some strange geography, which is this car,

[49:00] they reach a mountain pass.

[49:02] Okay, Elliot's got a whiteboard up.

Stuart Wellington

[49:04] Okay, here's the narrow mountain pass.

Elliott Kalan

[49:07] Let's just call it the gates of Thermopylae.

[49:09] Okay.

[49:10] Okay.

[49:11] And Creech and his parents in their trucks,

[49:14] driven by Trip and Meredith and Tom Lennon,

[49:16] are ahead of the bad guys,

Stuart Wellington

[49:19] because the bad guys are chasing them.

[49:21] Now, just to clarify,

[49:22] Meredith's truck is powered by the female alien monster, right?

[49:25] Yes, because that's how you match things up in these things.

[49:28] Okay, cool.

[49:28] The same way...

[49:30] And that monster has a bow on its head.

[49:32] That's how you know it's female.

[49:33] Yeah, they miss Pac-Man, as you can tell.

Elliott Kalan

[49:36] So, the head mercenary bad guy,

[49:39] he goes,

[49:40] light it up,

[49:41] and someone sets off a wall of flame to stop the trucks.

[49:45] Now, we've established these alien monsters.

[49:47] They're not alien...

[49:47] I don't know what they are.

[49:48] They never established where these things come from.

[49:50] Yeah, they're deep ones.

[49:50] They're just...

[49:51] Yeah, they're just Shoggoths or something.

[49:52] They have the Innsmouth look.

[49:54] Yeah, they're flying polyps.

[49:56] Yeah.

[49:56] They don't like fire.

[49:58] None of us like fire.

[50:00] But they're also...

[50:00] They eat oil.

Stuart Wellington

[50:01] I mean, I like fire because it's an important part of modern civilization.

Elliott Kalan

[50:05] I mean, heater of food, destroyer of forests, man's greatest enemy,

[50:09] this building is on fire.

[50:10] Exactly.

[50:11] Is that the right thing for Gremlins 2?

Stuart Wellington

[50:12] That's close enough.

[50:13] If only they had brought these creatures to Clamp Tower.

[50:18] Oh, yeah.

[50:18] It would have solved all their problems.

Elliott Kalan

[50:20] Yeah.

[50:20] Anyway, so let's look at the geography.

[50:24] There's a wall of flame.

[50:25] Yep.

[50:25] Behind that are our heroes.

[50:27] Behind that are the bad guys.

[50:30] Barry Pepper drives up.

[50:32] And they're like bumper to bumper trying to shove the monsters into the flames.

[50:34] Into the flames.

[50:35] They're super close.

[50:36] And they're at this tight mountain pass.

[50:38] There's no room.

[50:39] There's no shoulder.

[50:40] There's no room to pull over.

Stuart Wellington

[50:41] It looks like their only option is to go through the fire and the flames like Dragon Force.

Elliott Kalan

[50:44] They're going to have to jump into the fire.

[50:46] So throw some Metallica on the radio.

Dan McCoy

[50:48] They've got to dance into the fire.

[50:50] The fatal kiss is all they need.

[50:51] Nice.

[50:52] Dance into the fire.

[50:53] The fatal sound of the broken dreams.

Elliott Kalan

[50:56] That wall is their Venus.

[50:57] That wall is their fire.

[50:58] It's their desire.

[50:59] Yeah.

[50:59] So Barry Pepper shows up in this enormous construction truck.

[51:04] Like huge.

[51:05] Like it's like a Jawa sand crawler.

[51:07] It's like a Megaforce or something like that.

[51:11] And it's so big that it is scraping the sides of this mountain tunnel on both sides.

[51:17] Like it is that big.

[51:19] And it manages to bump the bad guy through the flame onto the other side.

[51:26] And then it, he tips the top of it because it's like a rock crusher dump truck type thing.

[51:31] Yeah.

[51:31] And the good guys drive up it like a ramp to get over the fire.

Stuart Wellington

[51:36] This all makes perfect sense, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[51:37] Where does your question come at?

[51:38] My question is, how did the good guys, I guess, become intangible, allowing the bad guys

[51:45] and this enormous truck to drive through them so that it is now ahead of them?

[51:49] And now they are in the back of the pack, whereas before they were between the bad guys and the fire.

[51:54] How did that happen?

Stuart Wellington

[51:55] Were they able to like go into the ground temporarily?

[52:01] Maybe.

Elliott Kalan

[52:01] Maybe there was those shredder driller machines that he would use in the next little cartoon.

Dan McCoy

[52:06] They used their tentacle powers?

[52:09] They have a lot of tentacle powers because of those monsters.

[52:12] All right.

[52:13] I'll buy it.

Stuart Wellington

[52:13] Tentacle powers.

[52:14] Okay.

[52:14] That's very George Lucas, the force of you.

[52:16] But I see where you're going.

[52:18] Do they jump really high in the air?

[52:20] We never see that until they drive all over the truck that has already passed through them.

[52:25] Was there possibly an entire reel of the film?

Dan McCoy

[52:29] Maybe they yelled cut.

[52:32] Move the trucks.

[52:33] Yeah.

[52:34] Then they started it up again.

Elliott Kalan

[52:36] Very possible.

[52:37] Now, is it also possible that I was not paying attention for a moment and missed one of these trucks,

[52:42] I don't know, drove up a wall to get out of there?

Stuart Wellington

[52:44] Elliot, it looks like we have an email from a B Pepper.

[52:50] It says...

[52:51] This is highly regular.

[52:53] It says there was clearly a scene where they jumped over the other guys and then jumped over the giant truck.

[52:59] So it's...

[53:00] If anyone would know, it's the man who was on the set himself, Barry Pepper.

[53:03] Yeah, I mean, he's worked with Steven Spielberg.

[53:06] John Travolta.

[53:07] I mean, this guy's a master.

[53:08] Yeah.

[53:09] Come on.

[53:10] He's a master.

[53:14] Yeah, it's a reference to Scientology in the movie The Master.

[53:16] Yeah, yeah, sure.

[53:17] Bazinga.

[53:19] Why are you putting Bazinga in there?

[53:21] Oh, you have too many things to understand what I'm saying.

Elliott Kalan

[53:25] What?

[53:26] I did have too many things to understand what you were saying.

[53:29] Anyway, the point is, they jump off a mountain.

[53:32] These creatures get the shit beat out of them inside these trucks.

[53:36] But they make it to the...

[53:37] They're fucking loving it, dude.

[53:39] Oh, yeah.

[53:40] They're loving it.

[53:41] They make it to the poison pumps just a little too late, but they manage to stop the poison pumps in the end.

[53:47] Imagine that's your job, dude.

Stuart Wellington

[53:49] And you're like, man, I just can't wait to get these poison pumps started.

[53:55] Like, oh, no, these people are trying to stop me.

[53:57] No, I care enough about my job.

[53:59] Like, these guys are clearly not like city workers.

[54:02] No offense to city workers, but these guys are like, I need to get this shit done because I got to start pumping poison at a different site in the morning.

Dan McCoy

[54:09] Maybe they got into the business because that was their passion.

[54:13] Like, their passion was for poisoning animals.

[54:15] Pumping poison, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[54:16] Yes, you're right.

[54:17] Yeah, right.

[54:18] I mean, they're like, I'm tired of poisoning kids at Halloween for free.

[54:21] I want to get paid for my passion.

Stuart Wellington

[54:23] And luckily, those guys, the fucking whistle blows and they're out of there before those trucks show up and start.

Elliott Kalan

[54:29] Oh, they must evaporate into their constituent elements because they disappear.

[54:36] Maybe they jump off the cliff like so many alleged lemmings.

Stuart Wellington

[54:40] They use the same shinobi powers that the monster trucks use to avoid the firewall.

[54:46] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[54:47] And so, but they manage to stop all the poison before it gets there too late.

[54:51] The truck that Trip is in falls into this big hole into the underground lake, but he is saved by all the monsters because it turns out there's a whole colony of tentacle monsters down there.

[55:02] Oh, so the poison would have actually killed something.

[55:04] Oh, it would have killed a lot of things.

[55:06] So no tentacle monsters were killed.

[55:07] Many humans were killed during the car crashes.

[55:09] Yeah, we got to assume.

[55:10] And the movie ends with Triphead gets a new truck.

Stuart Wellington

[55:14] I mean, in a way, the humans are killed by the instruments they've created for war, so it's kind of fitting.

[55:20] You mean trucks?

[55:21] Yeah.

[55:22] Yeah, war trucks.

[55:23] And passively means civilian consumer cars?

[55:25] Yeah.

[55:26] I mean, they knew what they were buying.

Dan McCoy

[55:27] See, that's the subtlety of this movie is like you really don't know what the movie feels about trucks.

[55:34] Yeah.

[55:35] Are trucks of force for good?

[55:36] Are trucks of force for bad?

[55:37] It's really about who's in the truck.

[55:39] Yeah, is it a rolling coffin?

[55:40] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[55:41] Or is it a speeding Altoids tin full of people?

[55:49] It's hard to know, but you're right.

[55:50] It really presents a double-edged view of trucks.

Stuart Wellington

[55:54] It tells both sides of the tale.

[55:55] So we get a little bit of an after-credit sequence, but an afterword, where we see Barry Peps and our hero putting a normal-style engine in a truck.

[56:06] I guess that'll work.

Elliott Kalan

[56:07] And Trip and his soon-to-be stepdad, I assume, have buried the hatchet, and they really come to terms with each other.

Stuart Wellington

[56:13] There's a great shot of Barry Pepper and Amy Ryan walking away from a mailbox, I'm assuming clutching their paychecks that they got from this movie.

[56:22] And we should mention also that earlier in the film-

[56:26] Danny Glover gives a big thumbs up while sitting at the side of the road while his tow truck is taking a crying family's van out of a ditch.

Elliott Kalan

[56:34] When they need a truck to refit earlier in the film for one of Creech's parents, uh-oh, whose truck needs to be repoed?

[56:43] The rich kid who's always taunting Trip in his bright green truck.

[56:48] Who has those fucking arms, though, dude?

Stuart Wellington

[56:50] His arms are jacked.

[56:51] As much shit as that dude talks...

[56:54] He can back it up!

[56:55] Look at those arms!

[56:56] He's fasted up, man.

[56:57] He's just...

Dan McCoy

[56:57] He's amazing.

[56:58] Okay.

[56:59] This is not important stuff.

[57:02] We should move on to final judgments, because we've gone so long.

[57:05] Partly because of the technical difficulties.

[57:08] It'll slow us down.

Elliott Kalan

[57:09] It didn't help that I talked for a long time about love in an elevator, either.

Stuart Wellington

[57:12] Yeah.

[57:13] Before you shut it down, I just want to say there's this great moment where our hero, the jack dude with the truck,

[57:20] sees Trip drive by, and he is accepted.

[57:23] Sometimes it's my lady's time to drive.

[57:25] And he's sitting in the, what, like, the convertible, VW convertible that his girlfriend's driving,

[57:34] and he's holding a big bunch of bags, and he's like, you know what?

[57:38] I can take this role sometimes, too.

[57:40] No.

[57:40] I can be a supportive boyfriend.

[57:41] You have completely misread the situation.

Elliott Kalan

[57:44] Okay.

[57:44] We are supposed to read that as without his truck, he has been emasculated.

[57:48] He is now...

[57:50] The woman who was an accessory to him, his girlfriend, he is now an accessory to her.

[57:54] The tables have been turned.

Stuart Wellington

[57:56] Oh, so the look he has on his face when Trip drives by in that sick-ass truck.

[58:00] It is one of chagrin.

[58:02] Oh.

[58:03] I thought it was a, take me with you.

[58:05] Well, there's a little bit of...

[58:06] I can be your girlfriend now.

Elliott Kalan

[58:08] There's a little bit of a, yes, I only worship trucks.

[58:11] There's a little bit of a, I've been in your position, and the tables can be turned,

[58:15] so enjoy it while it lasts, for all things are transitory, says the Buddha.

[58:20] Oh, yeah, he became a Buddhist in between scenes.

[58:22] The bully.

[58:23] Did I not mention that?

[58:24] No, I don't remember that.

[58:25] That explains jacked arms, you know?

[58:28] Not really.

[58:30] So, Dan, final judgments?

Dan McCoy

[58:31] Yeah, final judgments on this movie.

[58:33] Whether it was a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie, or a movie you kind of liked.

[58:36] Dan's just chomping at the bit to tell us how much he likes it.

[58:38] Champing.

[58:40] I...

[58:41] Chomping.

[58:42] Kind of like this movie, guys.

[58:44] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[58:45] That's okay.

[58:46] You love trucks.

[58:47] Dan's also a real gearhead.

[58:49] Yeah, yeah.

[58:50] You can't see, as a lot of times when we're recording, he's actually, and yet there are long periods

[58:54] of silence when he's not saying anything.

[58:56] He's actually underneath a truck working on it.

[58:58] Mm-hmm.

[58:59] Because he always has a truck that he's working on in his apartment.

Stuart Wellington

[59:01] We were watching Mad Max Fury Road, and I caught him crying, and he's like, I'm like, what's

[59:05] wrong, Dan?

[59:05] Are you sad about what happened to humanity?

[59:07] He's like, no, those trucks got hurt.

Elliott Kalan

[59:10] I just want to hug those trucks and make them feel better and kiss their boo-boos.

Dan McCoy

[59:14] Yeah, the long periods of silence are not because you guys are fucking yapping, yapping, and

[59:18] yapping.

[59:20] Anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[59:21] Hey, snake to be snake.

[59:21] That describes ten years of my life, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[59:28] No, I thought this movie was fun.

[59:34] There's a lot of stuff that was stupid in this movie, and there was stuff that I didn't

[59:38] like, such as when the heroes are running over innocent people's property, and we're supposed

[59:45] to still like them, even though they're monstrously destroying people's lives.

Elliott Kalan

[59:51] The real monsters are the people destroying private property.

[59:56] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[59:56] But I found it fun.

[59:57] I thought it was like...

[59:59] Well, I'd like the EPA shuts down that big business at the end, so we can be like, oh,

[1:00:03] government finally does their job for a change.

[1:00:05] I forgot.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:06] They plant some endangered horned-toed lizards near the lake and call the EPA, and so the

[1:00:12] EPA shuts down the area as a habitat and then arrests Rob Lowe.

[1:00:18] And he's like, you needn't!

[1:00:21] And he has a look on his face and they hang up.

[1:00:23] I'm like, oh, oh.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:25] I've reached climax.

[1:00:27] I thought we said we were going to talk about Dan reaching climaxes anymore.

[1:00:31] Sorry, I apologize.

[1:00:33] Dan, you liked this movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:35] Yeah, I felt like it was doing sort of an homage to 1980s Creature Kitty films, and on

[1:00:44] that level, I sort of enjoyed it.

[1:00:45] It was not like an A-level version of that movie, but I found like it was a B-level version

[1:00:52] of that movie.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:52] I definitely say, having recently watched Max Steel, the creature that our hero runs into

[1:01:01] is so much more charming.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:03] Oh, this is a much better movie than Max Steel.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:05] Yeah.

[1:01:06] For sure.

[1:01:07] I thought the creature design was all pretty fun.

[1:01:10] I would have liked a little more variety.

[1:01:15] It made me wish for something like the Masters of the Universe movie, where super weird shit

[1:01:20] happens for no reason.

[1:01:21] Yeah.

[1:01:22] But, you know, it can't all be Masters of the Universe, the movie.

[1:01:26] But, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:28] That's the lesson you have to learn in life.

[1:01:30] It can't all be Masters of the Universe, the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:33] For a long time, Steel went into every movie assuming it would be Masters of the Universe,

[1:01:37] the movie.

[1:01:38] If only...

[1:01:39] A million dollar baby.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:40] I guess it's about a Masters of the Universe character.

[1:01:42] In some ways, I kind of wish that when I walked out of that theater in Fort Wayne, Indiana,

[1:01:48] having just seen Masters of the Universe, my fucking pupils super dilated, and me walking

[1:01:53] on clouds.

[1:01:55] If some stranger, possibly me from the future, was standing there to whisper in my ear,

[1:01:59] they're not all going to be like Masters of the Universe, the movie.

[1:02:03] If only so that it would have allowed me to amend my expectations.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:06] I have to assume, kid you, would have angrily pushed that warning into...

[1:02:10] The person with the warning into the bushes and said, you're wrong, you're wrong.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:13] Yeah, and if it was...

[1:02:14] If he had pushed me from the future, we would have melded into one being and dissolved like

[1:02:19] a time cop.

[1:02:20] Time cop style.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:22] Ron Silver, R.I.P.

[1:02:23] Did you give a judgment, though?

[1:02:26] I don't think you did.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:27] I thought I said it wasn't as good as Masters of the Universe, the movie.

[1:02:30] On the scale of Masters of the Universe to Max Steel, it's in the middle.

[1:02:35] Yeah, yeah.

[1:02:35] It's closer to...

[1:02:38] Ah, it's in the middle.

[1:02:39] I'll say this about this movie.

[1:02:40] You know, it's not that bad.

[1:02:42] It's not a movie that you're going to watch and tell a bunch of dumb jokes during.

[1:02:48] It's in some ways more competently made than I expected, but it's also not as like super

[1:02:54] wacky and crazy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:55] No, for a movie...

[1:02:56] It's like for a movie that was made by real professionals, there's a lot of people who made

[1:03:00] this movie who made lots of other movies.

[1:03:03] It feels very amateurish and low budget, which is weird considering it apparently had a very

[1:03:08] high budget.

[1:03:09] But, I will say this.

[1:03:11] If you are an adult, don't bother to watch this movie.

[1:03:16] It will neither be bad enough for you to enjoy it, or good enough that you'll have fun with

[1:03:21] it.

[1:03:21] But, if you have kids, and it's raining out, and you need them to be quiet so that you

[1:03:27] can do some work at home.

[1:03:29] Maybe you're doing your taxes.

[1:03:30] I don't know.

[1:03:30] Maybe one of your kids is Dan.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:32] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:03:33] Or if you're a Dan McCoy.

[1:03:34] Or if you're a Dan McCoy.

[1:03:35] If you're an adult with a child's brain.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:37] If you're an adult, that heart, brain, and every other part.

[1:03:40] And Monster Trucks is available on Netflix.

[1:03:44] Go ahead and let them watch it.

[1:03:46] You know what?

[1:03:46] It's going to be fine.

[1:03:48] Yeah, it's not the best kid who finds a monster movie, but it's not the worst.

[1:03:51] If my son says, hey dad, can I watch Max Steel?

[1:03:57] I would slap the TV remote out of his hands.

[1:03:59] And I would say, go to your room.

[1:04:01] You are grounded for even thinking about that.

[1:04:04] But if he was like...

[1:04:05] Then he would get on his hoverboard and ride all the way to his room.

[1:04:07] And ride back to his space room on the moon.

[1:04:09] But if he said...

[1:04:11] Wow, you can afford a room on the moon?

[1:04:13] Oh, it's very expensive.

[1:04:14] But it's worth it.

[1:04:15] They have the best schools there.

[1:04:16] Yeah.

[1:04:17] But if he said, hey dad, can I watch Monster Trucks?

[1:04:19] I'd be like, hey, you know what?

[1:04:22] Knock yourself out.

[1:04:23] I'm going to go over here and fold some laundry.

S4

[1:04:33] Judge John Hodgman ruled in my favor.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:36] Judge John Hodgman ruled in my friend's favor.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:38] Judge John Hodgman ruled in my favor.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:41] I'm Judge John Hodgman.

[1:04:43] You're hearing the voices of real litigants, real people who have submitted disputes to my

[1:04:48] internet court at the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

[1:04:50] I hear their cases.

[1:04:52] I ask them questions.

[1:04:53] They're good ones.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:54] And then I tell them who's right and who's wrong.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:56] Thanks to Judge John Hodgman's ruling, my dad has been forced to retire one of the worst

[1:05:01] dad jokes of all time.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:03] Instead of cutting his own hair with a flowbee, my husband has his hair cut professionally.

[1:05:08] I have to join a community theater group.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:10] And my wife has stopped bringing home wild animals.

[1:05:13] It's the Judge John Hodgman podcast.

[1:05:16] Find it every Wednesday at MaximumFun.org or wherever you download podcasts.

[1:05:22] Thanks, Judge John Hodgman.

[1:05:28] Hey, guys.

[1:05:30] What?

[1:05:31] What?

[1:05:31] Hey, what, Dan?

[1:05:32] Hey.

[1:05:33] Did something else break?

[1:05:34] This podcast has a sponsor.

[1:05:37] Or two.

[1:05:38] It's good because we have some problems.

[1:05:39] This podcast is sponsored in part by ZipRecruiter.

[1:05:44] ZipRecruiter.

[1:05:44] Are you hiring?

[1:05:46] Yes.

[1:05:46] Do you know where to post your job to find the best candidates?

[1:05:49] I don't.

[1:05:49] Posting your job in just one place isn't enough to find quality candidates.

[1:05:54] Oh, it's not?

[1:05:55] Yeah, that's what I thought, too.

[1:05:56] Look, guys.

[1:05:58] If you want a good hire, you need to post your job on all of the top job sites.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:03] You've got to cast the widest net to catch the biggest fish.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:07] Yeah.

[1:06:07] And with ZipRecruiter.com, you can post your job to 100 plus job sites, including social

[1:06:14] media networks like Facebook and Twitter, all with a single click.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:19] Wait a minute.

[1:06:20] That's a site-to-click ratio of like 100 to 1.

[1:06:24] That's insane.

[1:06:25] Yeah, exactly.

[1:06:25] That's the most you can get out of one click without exploding your mouse.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:30] Yeah.

[1:06:31] Except for some of those sites where I click on the thing and then like a whole bunch

[1:06:34] of pop-ups show up and I'm like, I don't want this.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:39] Fair point.

[1:06:40] Dan, continue.

[1:06:40] You can find candidates in any city or industry nationwide.

[1:06:44] Any city?

[1:06:46] Any city.

[1:06:46] What about St. Petersburg, Florida?

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:50] Yeah, maybe you need somebody to work at the Van Gogh Museum, which is a premier attraction

[1:06:55] at St. Petersburg, Florida.

[1:06:57] Yeah, not St. Petersburg.

[1:06:57] I know the Salvador Dali Museum is there.

[1:06:59] That's what I meant.

[1:07:00] I think the Van Gogh Museum is in Amsterdam.

[1:07:02] Oh, you're totally right.

[1:07:04] And I've been to both.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:05] This has been places Stuart has been.

[1:07:08] Brought to you by a ZipRecruiter.

[1:07:09] Dan?

[1:07:09] Just post once and watch your qualified candidates roll in to ZipRecruiter's easy-to-use interface.

[1:07:16] And right now, our listeners can post jobs on ZipRecruiter for free.

[1:07:21] Whoa.

[1:07:21] By going to ZipRecruiter.com slash first.

[1:07:24] That's ZipRecruiter.com slash first.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:26] So if they go to ZipRecruiter.com slash first, they can post a job listing at no cost.

[1:07:33] ZipRecruiter is getting nothing from it.

[1:07:35] Yeah.

[1:07:36] That's right.

[1:07:37] ZipRecruiter is allowing people to take advantage of them for free.

[1:07:41] Yep.

[1:07:42] At a hundred sites at one click to post your job postings and hire the best people.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:48] Now, I'm really hoping ZipRecruiter isn't hearing us say this because it sounds like we're taking advantage of them.

[1:07:54] Sounds like they're big chumps.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:55] I mean, at this point, I hate to say it, but you've got to go take advantage of this before ZipRecruiter realizes what they're doing.

[1:08:02] This is what ZipRecruiter doesn't want you to hear.

[1:08:04] Yeah.

[1:08:04] This is the message ZipRecruiter's afraid you're going to find out about.

[1:08:08] Yeah.

[1:08:08] This is like, look, if you're hiring someone, this is the equivalent of you walked into McDonald's.

[1:08:14] You ordered one quarter pound of cheese.

[1:08:17] Okay.

[1:08:18] It sounds like you've been to a McDonald's recently.

[1:08:21] And they gave you two, but they only charged you for one.

[1:08:26] Uh-huh.

[1:08:26] Now, are you going to say—

[1:08:27] It's an ethical question.

[1:08:28] Are you going to hand back this burger, or are you just going to get out of there as quick as you can before they realize their mistake and eat two burgers worth of sawdusty meat?

[1:08:37] Mm-hmm.

[1:08:37] Are you going to pay them tomorrow for a burger you eat today?

[1:08:40] No, because that would make you wimpy.

[1:08:43] A fictional character.

[1:08:45] So, ZipRecruiter.com slash first.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:47] Yeah.

[1:08:47] One more time.

[1:08:48] It's right before you go to ZipRecruiter.com slash first.

[1:08:52] Our podcast is also sponsored in part by The Black Tux.

[1:08:56] What?

[1:08:57] Looking great for a wedding or special event has never been easier than with TheBlackTux.com.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:03] Explain.

[1:09:04] I find looking great for a wedding to be a huge imposition and hard to do.

[1:09:08] One, I've got to already own a suit or buy a new suit.

[1:09:11] I've got to own a tux or buy a tux or rent one.

[1:09:14] Mm-hmm.

[1:09:14] And I have to go somewhere to get it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:17] I've got to try it on, and it costs a lot of money.

[1:09:19] And the thing that Elliot gets mad about is he goes to Build-A-Bear Workshop, and they're

[1:09:22] all out of tuxes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:24] It's the only size that fits me.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:26] And can accommodate Elliot's level of body fur.

[1:09:29] And now, look.

[1:09:30] I live...

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:31] Yes, true.

[1:09:34] Okay.

[1:09:35] I have what is referred to in the business as a Brian Blessed level of body fur.

[1:09:42] Now, I live in a New York apartment.

[1:09:45] I don't have a lot of closet space.

[1:09:46] Now I've got suits and tuxes clogging up my closet.

[1:09:50] Dan, is there any way this could be made easier for me?

[1:09:52] Well, look.

[1:09:53] Hey.

[1:09:54] Hey.

[1:09:55] Stop yelling at me.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:56] Settle down.

[1:09:56] I know I was yelling at you, and I apologize.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:58] Why are you making eye contact with Elliot?

[1:10:00] With high-quality rental suits and tuxedos delivered to your door, the Black Tux gives

[1:10:05] you a new way to rent.

[1:10:07] The Black Tux offers free home try-on, so you can see the fit and feel the quality of your

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[1:10:15] The best part?

[1:10:15] It's completely done online.

[1:10:18] To get free shipping both ways, plus $20 off your purchase, visit theblacktux.com slash

[1:10:25] flop.

[1:10:27] Theblacktux.com slash flop.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:29] And you can get that deal both ways, right?

[1:10:32] Yeah, north or south.

[1:10:34] Can you get it?

[1:10:35] Sour cream or without?

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:35] Yeah, can you get it animal style?

[1:10:37] Yeah, can I get it?

[1:10:38] Can I get it with Wiz?

[1:10:41] Gross.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:41] Can you get it with Wiz or Provolone?

[1:10:46] So I think we've got a couple of Jumbotrons.

[1:10:48] We've got a couple of Jumbotrons too, right guys?

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:48] Heck yeah, we do.

[1:10:50] J-j-j-jumbo-tron.

[1:10:55] Okay, so this message is from William.

[1:10:58] Dan will put the music in and post.

[1:11:00] Thank you.

[1:11:01] The message is for Rollin and Christopher.

[1:11:05] Hey, dudes.

[1:11:11] Is that how it's written?

[1:11:13] I figure you knew this was coming, but I thought you'd appreciate it coming from either

[1:11:17] a sad, defeated, pedantic, and high-pitched, or super cool and sexy voice of an original

[1:11:25] peach.

[1:11:26] Would you guys be groomsmen at my wedding?

[1:11:30] Rawr!

[1:11:33] That's really nice.

[1:11:34] Yeah, that's great.

[1:11:35] I hope they're listeners.

[1:11:37] I hope they're...

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:38] If not, thanks for writing in.

[1:11:40] And there's also another Jumbotron message.

[1:11:43] This message is for the future child due to arrive as long as nothing goes wrong within the

[1:11:48] next few months.

[1:11:49] Unlike what's going wrong with our computer and sound system.

[1:11:52] Yes, hopefully the child will not come out making beep-boop noises.

[1:11:55] Oh, man.

[1:11:56] Who is this message from?

[1:11:58] Dave, last name withheld.

[1:12:00] Foley.

[1:12:00] And the message is, Dead Man's Shoes.

[1:12:03] Now that's a film.

[1:12:04] Watch that, peaches.

[1:12:05] My unborn Mishka will value your opinion when she's old enough to value your opinion.

[1:12:10] Anyway, there's this Kapsova woman who's going to plop out a parasite I've given life to.

[1:12:15] So good luck to her, I guess.

[1:12:17] PRRT.

[1:12:17] P-R-R-T.

[1:12:18] I don't know how to pronounce that.

[1:12:20] So an enigmatic...

[1:12:21] Is that an acronym?

[1:12:23] Yeah, it probably means, please read, really tired.

[1:12:27] And I did!

[1:12:28] Yay!

[1:12:30] Now, Dan, I have a Jumbotron message.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:32] I have a whole Jumbotron message, too.

[1:12:34] Hold on.

[1:12:34] Before we get to that...

[1:12:36] We all have messages.

[1:12:37] We have messages.

[1:12:38] Before we get to that, I do...

[1:12:39] There's one thing that I should plug, and that's our live show.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:46] Okay, and that could have come after our Jumbotron.

[1:12:48] All right, well, I need your Jumbotron.

[1:12:49] No, no, dude, let's plug the live show.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:51] You already pushed the brakes.

[1:12:52] Let's hear the story.

[1:12:54] Yeah, you pumped them.

[1:12:54] Now let's dump them.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:56] We have a live show at the Brooklyn Bell House on June the 9th.

[1:13:03] That's 6-9.

[1:13:06] Nice.

[1:13:06] Yeah.

[1:13:07] Yeah, 69.

[1:13:08] Nice.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:09] 2017-80.

[1:13:10] Oh, watching L.A. Pizza together like...

[1:13:12] Hey, Dan.

[1:13:12] Her fuel parole.

[1:13:14] Let me take the rest of this one, okay?

[1:13:16] Hey, everybody.

[1:13:17] The Flophouse is doing another one of its rare live shows at the Bell House

[1:13:22] in Brooklyn, in Gowanus.

[1:13:24] You know the Bell House if you've been there.

[1:13:26] It's a great venue.

[1:13:27] It fits the Flophouse like a glove.

[1:13:30] We'll be doing a live recording of a Flophouse episode.

[1:13:33] This is not a movie riffing show.

[1:13:35] We will be recording a real episode of the Flophouse.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:38] You can hear your totally crazed beer-soaked laughter on tape at a future date.

[1:13:45] Immortalized.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:45] I like the idea that laughter can be soaked by beer, but go on.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:49] That's, once again, 10 years of my life.

[1:13:52] And you can also come see us within a few miles of our living domiciles.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:59] This is a rare live Flophouse show.

[1:14:03] June 9th, 2017 at 7.30 p.m.?

[1:14:08] I believe that's correct.

[1:14:10] This is a Friday night.

[1:14:12] It's a Friday night, 7.30 p.m.

[1:14:14] I'll put a link to it on the Bell House.

[1:14:15] I'll put a link to it on the website.

[1:14:16] Thank you.

[1:14:17] Tickets are going fast.

[1:14:19] By the time we're getting around to announcing this on the show, the show is...

Dan McCoy

[1:14:22] There's about 100 tickets left, just based on people who have already bought them off of

[1:14:28] Facebook, off of Twitter.

[1:14:30] So, buy these quickly.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:33] These tickets are going fast.

[1:14:34] If you get a golden ticket, someone has sold you a fake ticket.

[1:14:39] There are no golden tickets.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:40] If anything, you should buy a ticket so I can say hi to you, and you can come hear me tell

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:45] stupid jokes.

[1:14:46] You'll hear us tell stupid jokes.

[1:14:47] We'll do some presentations, maybe.

[1:14:49] There'll be a question and answer session.

[1:14:50] We have time to do presentations again, Dan, right?

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:53] That's correct.

[1:14:53] Oh, man.

[1:14:54] I'm going to make such a cool PowerPoint.

[1:14:56] We're going to do all sorts of fun and have all sorts of things.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:59] So, come on down to the Bell House.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:01] Guys, I have some news I want to share.

[1:15:07] Really brought the room down.

[1:15:10] So, this is going to complicate things, but somebody, one of the original peaches is moving.

[1:15:19] And it's me, Stuart, from the Blop House.

[1:15:22] Yeah, I'm moving about four blocks away from my new bar.

[1:15:25] The apartment has a terrace.

[1:15:29] Yeah, it's going to be great.

[1:15:30] I can't wait.

[1:15:31] It is going to mean that the next month or so is going to be pretty complicated.

[1:15:35] But, you know, I'll figure it out because I'm, you know, I'm pretty cool.

[1:15:39] All right.

[1:15:39] Sounds good.

[1:15:39] That sounds great.

[1:15:40] I've got another message.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:41] That's the only message that we need to talk about.

[1:15:44] I have one more message.

[1:15:45] Single message.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:47] There's another message.

[1:15:48] What are you talking about, Elliot?

[1:15:48] So, this is a Jumbotron message.

[1:15:50] And this message is for Dan and Stuart and all Flophouse listeners.

[1:15:53] Okay.

[1:15:53] And this message is from Elliot.

[1:15:55] Last name withheld, Kalen.

[1:15:57] Okay.

[1:15:57] And it's interesting, Stuart, that you mentioned a move of some kind.

[1:16:01] That's weird.

[1:16:02] Why is that interesting?

[1:16:03] It seems that my life is taking an interesting turn.

[1:16:06] A turn, shall we say, to the West.

[1:16:12] It behooves me to mention here, and I mention it more to then get into a reassurance than to

[1:16:17] get into an reassurance that my life is moving in a direction that is one I thought would go

[1:16:24] in for a while, to California.

[1:16:27] And so, later this year, sometime this summer, my family and I will be leaving the environs

[1:16:33] of Brooklyn, which we have known for many years as our home, where my son was born and raised.

[1:16:37] Technically, I was born in Manhattan.

[1:16:39] But how are you going to do the show?

[1:16:41] And I will be moving to Los Angeles, California, where there are a lot more career opportunities

[1:16:48] that are not in the late night topical world.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:50] That's the city of angels.

[1:16:51] You're not dead.

[1:16:53] So, checkmate.

[1:16:55] My doctor says different.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:58] No, he said I would be dead.

[1:17:00] That's really great.

[1:17:01] I've been waiting to find out when we would be able to stop doing this show.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:05] No, no, no, no, Stuart.

[1:17:07] Then let me reassure listeners.

[1:17:09] I am moving to Los Angeles.

[1:17:11] We are for the foreseeable future, possibly forever.

[1:17:14] But that does not mean the flop house is going.

[1:17:16] Because as many people know, we were cursed by an old woman that we met on a dark, moonless

[1:17:22] road.

[1:17:24] Right.

[1:17:24] It was moonless.

[1:17:25] It was just some sort of crone.

[1:17:27] We were cursed to have to come together bi-monthly, or twice a month, to watch bad movies.

[1:17:34] And so that curse will continue.

[1:17:36] I will, alas, not be at Dan's apartment recording these episodes in the future.

[1:17:42] Oh, wow.

[1:17:43] You seem really broken up about that part.

[1:17:45] Yeah, I won't have to deal with a cat that jumps on my lap and claws on my penis when I'm

[1:17:48] trying to talk.

[1:17:49] That can't happen once.

[1:17:50] It happened multiple times.

[1:17:53] And is it right, penis?

[1:17:54] Yes.

[1:17:55] But it will be, we'll have some bugs to work out with the podcast.

[1:18:01] Yeah, we apparently have bugs to work out even when we're all in the same fucking room.

[1:18:06] It may be a little bumpy at times, but I want all the listeners to know and to be assured

[1:18:11] that this move is very much not me leaving the Flophouse and not the Flophouse ending.

[1:18:17] I cannot stay away from Dan and Stuart for too long, for I love them dearly, and they mean

[1:18:22] very much to me.

[1:18:24] Through the course of doing this show with them, they have gone from being friends of mine to

[1:18:29] being my closest friends.

[1:18:30] I need to get a beer.

[1:18:32] I'm sorry, Stuart, that you're afraid of true emotion.

[1:18:37] And so I'm not going to give up with that.

[1:18:39] So we're going to have to figure it out.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:40] Dan, we have some technical stuff that we're going to have to deal with.

[1:18:43] Got a lot of technical stuff we're going to have to deal with, but that's not for talking

[1:18:46] about on the air.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:47] But what that also means is that this live show in New York, and hopefully we'll have

[1:18:53] some other live shows at some point, but the live show in New York will be...

[1:18:58] One of the last live shows.

[1:19:01] In New York.

[1:19:02] In New York.

[1:19:03] And that if we're doing a live show in the future, know that it will be a super special

[1:19:09] event because Dan and Stuart and I will not be around each other as much as we used to

[1:19:13] be.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:13] Yeah.

[1:19:14] I mean, we'll just do a bunch of live shows in Vegas because it's cheap for us all to

Dan McCoy

[1:19:18] fly there.

[1:19:19] When we do live shows in the future, it will be a special occasion and we will all be giddy

[1:19:25] to be around each other once again.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:27] They'll all be reunion shows.

[1:19:29] But rest assured, floppers.

[1:19:31] I cannot assure you enough, unless I die on the way to Los Angeles, this show will continue

[1:19:38] with me as a part of it.

[1:19:40] I wouldn't dream of allowing Dan and Stuart to go on without me.

[1:19:44] Or it was me who was that old crone on the moonless lion who cursed us.

[1:19:51] Because I just didn't want to be away from you guys for too long.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:54] All right.

[1:19:54] Well, that was creepy and sweet, I guess.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:58] Just like that new candy I have coming out.

[1:20:00] Sugar skulls?

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:02] I think they'd sell pretty well.

[1:20:04] Oh, yeah.

[1:20:04] Would you have like a Marilyn Monroe holding a pair of pistols on the packaging?

[1:20:09] I hate those.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:12] Yeah.

[1:20:13] So a lot of changes around Flophouse Way.

[1:20:17] Down Flophouse Drive.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:18] Oh, and my voice changed.

[1:20:19] That was the other change.

[1:20:20] Yeah.

[1:20:21] Not that much.

[1:20:21] It happened, guys.

[1:20:22] I finally went through the change.

[1:20:23] I haven't noticed it.

[1:20:25] Really?

[1:20:26] You can't tell.

[1:20:26] I'm sounding much more grown up and masculine now.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:29] Is your dad werewolf going to show up and explain all about it?

Dan McCoy

[1:20:36] So we should move on, though.

[1:20:39] To what?

[1:20:40] What do we do on this podcast?

[1:20:41] Letters from listeners.

[1:20:43] Before we get into the letters proper, I just want to say a few thanks for some gifts that

[1:20:49] we've received.

[1:20:50] Thanks to Sarah for the humor magazine that she's the editor of.

[1:20:54] Thanks for sending a copy of that.

[1:20:55] What's the name of that humor magazine?

[1:20:59] Um.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:02] Keep vamping.

[1:21:03] Okay.

[1:21:03] So, Ellie, you're moving to La La Land.

[1:21:06] That's what I'm doing.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:07] Is it because you love jazz so much?

[1:21:09] I noticed that this new jazz club opened up.

[1:21:11] And what I like about it is the guy who runs it hates new music.

[1:21:15] And he only wants to play the same piano and slap bass songs.

[1:21:19] But he likes playing soft saxophone over love scenes.

[1:21:21] Yeah.

[1:21:22] And what I realized is I need to go to, like, a pretentious stuffy place that's afraid

[1:21:26] of change.

[1:21:28] And so I just want to go to this place.

[1:21:30] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:30] Savage Henry.

[1:21:31] Savage Henry is the name of the humor magazine.

[1:21:34] Oh, perfect.

[1:21:35] Thanks for the copy of that.

[1:21:35] Without missing a beat.

[1:21:38] Thanks to Daniel and Marie for the DVD copy of Black Superman.

[1:21:44] Thanks to David for the DVD of Sex Mission.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:50] How weird.

[1:21:51] We haven't seen that DVD.

[1:21:52] Yeah.

[1:21:53] Thanks to D. Gray.

[1:21:54] The packaging seems clawed open by some kind of beast.

[1:21:58] Let me just check Dan's DVD player.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:00] Oh, there it is.

[1:22:01] Oh, let's scan it.

[1:22:03] Get a DNA sample.

[1:22:04] Somehow already melted down by overuse of the laser in the DVD player.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:09] And lastly, thanks to D. Gray for the copy of The Man from Hong Kong and also the Ziggy

[1:22:17] Cake Pan.

[1:22:18] Yes, a cake pan in the shape of Ziggy from the comics page.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:24] That's a perfect housewarming gift for Elliot's new L.A. apartment.

[1:22:27] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:27] I think it's more of a going away gift for me to give to you guys.

[1:22:31] Okay.

[1:22:32] Dan, are you going to make me a Ziggy cake?

[1:22:34] Before I leave?

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:35] You going to make some boy bait in that Ziggy cake?

[1:22:40] It's a reference that the audience will not get.

[1:22:42] So one of the first parties in New York I remember going to, Dan made this fucking cobbler

[1:22:48] called Boy Bait.

[1:22:50] And oh lordy, did we laugh about that.

[1:22:55] Did it draw the boys, i.e. me and Simon, to eat all of the bait?

[1:23:00] It did.

[1:23:01] And then we were killed.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:04] But, uh...

[1:23:05] And then Adam Sandler can inhabit your bodies like in the cobbler.

[1:23:08] Oh, that's great.

[1:23:09] I was heavily punished for telling them what the thing was called.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:12] You should have lied.

[1:23:13] You should have just said, oh, it's called.

[1:23:14] You should have called it like, cool guy, more power.

[1:23:17] Uh-uh.

[1:23:18] Uh, so letters.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:23] Anyway, we're going to get right into this.

[1:23:25] Uh, from Rebus.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:27] Rebus has got a letter for us.

[1:23:30] Rebus, see us, tell us.

[1:23:33] I know I was a little off.

[1:23:35] Not in the same room anymore, huh?

[1:23:37] Just giving you a taste of what you're going to miss.

[1:23:42] And by miss, I mean not miss.

[1:23:46] Dan Stewart.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:48] This is from Rebus, last name withheld.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:50] Daredevil Rebus Kinnibus.

[1:23:52] Who writes, hey guys, I recently rewatched...

[1:23:54] There's demon Rebus Kinnibus.

[1:23:55] Oh, thank you.

[1:23:56] For the Firesign Theater fans.

[1:23:57] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:58] I recently rewatched Scream, which I think holds up well.

[1:24:01] I was thinking back to the first time I saw it.

[1:24:03] You rewatched a painting?

[1:24:06] Edward Munch's Scream.

[1:24:08] Uh.

[1:24:08] Rebus is actually Skeet Ulrich.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:11] Do you guys remember when there was that art-themed serial, Munches?

[1:24:15] Oh, right.

[1:24:15] Edward Munches.

[1:24:17] Okay.

[1:24:17] And also that horror movie, Edward Munchies.

Stuart Wellington

[1:24:21] I like that you're crediting Munchies as a horror movie.

[1:24:24] I guess it's more of what?

[1:24:26] That's why you're a cool little alien monster.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:28] That's what I get when I'm stoned, Edward Munchies.

[1:24:31] Uh.

[1:24:32] Anyway.

[1:24:33] Scream, which I think holds up well.

[1:24:34] I was thinking back to the first time I saw it while I was in college.

[1:24:37] My school had a special screening in a big chemistry lecture hall.

[1:24:41] And if my memory is correct, it had not been released yet in theaters.

[1:24:45] But thanks to the trailers, anticipation was high.

[1:24:48] The point of the story is that the crowd was super pumped to see the movie.

[1:24:51] And there was a real buzz in the auditorium.

[1:24:53] As a result, there were lots of screams.

[1:24:56] And lots of laughs.

[1:24:57] And it was one of, if not the best theater experience of my life.

[1:25:01] As a result, I think the wonderful environment took a good movie and made it an amazing one.

[1:25:06] So my question for you is, how important do you think viewing environment is?

[1:25:10] And have you ever had a similar experience where the crowd made a bad movie good or a good movie great?

[1:25:15] Thanks for your wonderful podcast, Rebus.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25:20] Okay.

[1:25:21] Dan's looking at me to answer these questions.

[1:25:23] And I'll answer them.

[1:25:25] I've been a big fan of, you know, we've, we have friends who work at the Albo Draft House here in New York and up in Yonkers.

[1:25:36] And those are, those have been such great movie experiences for me.

[1:25:40] Especially because I only get to the theater once in a while.

[1:25:42] So I don't mind going and, you know, drinking a whole bunch of beer and getting wasted.

[1:25:47] But, and that's always great time.

[1:25:49] The only way to get through fences.

[1:25:51] Yeah.

[1:25:52] I mean, yeah, that was the only way I could pick up on that snappy dialogue.

[1:25:57] The, although it would be fitting, right?

[1:26:00] Drinking a bunch of gym.

[1:26:01] But what I was going to say is, a week or two ago, I'm going to talk about an example of a bad theater going experience.

[1:26:09] Where I went to, this was like a couple days after I went to a late night screening of a horror movie.

[1:26:15] And there was a steam pipe that was whistling through a chunk of the movie and that sucked.

[1:26:21] But I went to a, my wife is getting a photo shoot done in Philly and it was a closed set.

[1:26:28] So I'm like, I have like four hours to fucking kill.

[1:26:31] It was a closed set.

[1:26:32] It was this like pinup girl photo shoot that I got her as a birthday gift, or a Christmas gift.

[1:26:36] And they were like, no, no sir.

[1:26:38] You can't see this woman.

[1:26:39] You're a wife.

[1:26:40] Yeah, yeah.

[1:26:40] And my tongue was rolling around on the ground and my eyes were popping out.

[1:26:44] Well, because a demon had taken over you?

[1:26:46] Yeah, exactly.

[1:26:46] I was large marginate.

[1:26:48] Large marginate.

[1:26:50] Yeah, that's what you do.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:51] I wish that was like some kind of phrase.

[1:26:53] You wish that people could do that?

[1:26:55] No.

[1:26:55] But I wish there was a phrase for like some aspect of like the hip hop lifestyle.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26:59] We're like, just large marginate.

[1:27:02] So, so I wasn't allowed in to walk.

[1:27:05] It was specifically the rule was no men, no like husband or men.

[1:27:10] No boys allowed.

[1:27:11] Yeah, no boys allowed.

[1:27:13] And the photo shoot went great.

[1:27:15] Celeste, Gene Leal in photography.

[1:27:16] It's awesome.

[1:27:17] But we, well, I had like four hours to kill.

[1:27:20] So I decided to go catch a, I decided to go catch a screening of Logan at 10 a.m.

[1:27:25] So I go to the theater.

[1:27:26] So I go to the theater.

[1:27:27] Yep.

[1:27:27] I go to the theater.

[1:27:28] And I can't wait.

[1:27:30] Like I had to wait around for a little bit before it even opened because there's a fucking 10 a.m.

[1:27:33] screening.

[1:27:33] I get in there.

[1:27:34] I'm the only person for a while.

[1:27:36] When the trailers start, people start to filter in.

[1:27:40] A young lady and her friends were sitting behind me.

[1:27:43] And she made a point of telling her friends loudly what video game each trailer was based on and got most of them wrong.

[1:27:51] It's clearly War for Planet of the Apes, not Gears of War because there's a shitload of monkeys in the trailer.

[1:27:58] Or apes.

[1:27:59] And the movie starts up.

[1:28:03] The first scene in Logan is fucking awesome.

[1:28:06] Wolverine is saying motherfucker a bunch.

[1:28:08] Spoiler alert.

[1:28:09] And they like chop dudes' faces off.

[1:28:11] It is the hard R-rated superhero movie that a teenage steward and a grown-up steward would have loved.

[1:28:18] And then right after that opening scene, a mom walks in with like a dozen little kids who are being super noisy.

[1:28:27] And we're watching this hard R-rated movie.

[1:28:29] That's crazy.

[1:28:30] I know that like, give it a couple more scenes.

[1:28:33] I'm assuming this movie isn't going to become like a PG movie right after that.

[1:28:37] So I figured those kids will leave.

[1:28:39] But I didn't want to like ruin this movie-going experience.

[1:28:42] So I literally stood up in front of everybody and said, fuck this.

[1:28:47] And like made a show of grabbing my backpack while people laughed at me.

[1:28:52] And I stormed out to be like, I'm going to tell the manager.

[1:28:55] Class clown.

[1:28:56] And I get into the lobby and it's a fucking sea of children.

[1:29:00] Now I realize that it's spring break.

[1:29:03] And like whatever moms or dads didn't have to work were just taking whatever kids were in their neighborhood to the fucking movies.

[1:29:09] Not even their kids.

[1:29:10] Not even their kids.

[1:29:12] Just kids they saw on the streets.

[1:29:13] Yeah, they just pied piper in.

[1:29:14] So I left and just, I read a book in a coffee shop like a cool guy.

Dan McCoy

[1:29:21] I think I may have, so we're talking about good theater experiences to remind the listeners since Stuart's talking about a bad.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:29] I can talk about whatever I want.

[1:29:31] This is my podcast.

Dan McCoy

[1:29:33] I'm just resetting.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29:35] I also said that the Alamo Draft has rules.

Dan McCoy

[1:29:38] Yeah.

[1:29:38] And bringing kids into Logan's rules.

[1:29:40] Yeah.

[1:29:42] I think I've told this story before, but I'm just going to, I don't care.

[1:29:48] Because in Stuart's word, it's my fucking podcast.

[1:29:52] So I went to see Bad Boys 2, a terrible movie.

[1:29:58] Well.

[1:30:00] I went to see it at a downtown Brooklyn theater.

[1:30:04] And I had a great time because the audience was super engaged, like super like whooping and yelling.

[1:30:08] Was that Court Street?

[1:30:09] Yeah, Court Street.

[1:30:10] That theater is fucking crazy.

[1:30:11] That's a high energy theater, yeah.

[1:30:13] People were going nuts.

[1:30:14] People were responding to everything on screen.

[1:30:16] And there's a scene where.

[1:30:17] Was there anybody smoking in the theater?

[1:30:19] Because that's happened to me.

[1:30:21] I don't remember that.

[1:30:22] But there was a scene where Martin Lawrence is like crawling in a crawl space under a building.

[1:30:26] Yeah, and he sees two rats.

[1:30:27] That's the best scene in the movie.

[1:30:28] And he sees two rats fucking each other.

[1:30:32] And like this.

[1:30:32] They're probably puppets, right?

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:34] They are puppets.

[1:30:34] They didn't actually train rats downstairs.

[1:30:35] No, I don't think.

[1:30:36] No, that would make it more obvious.

[1:30:36] I mean, would you have to train them or would you just like trick them?

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:40] Trick them?

[1:30:40] No, no.

[1:30:41] These cameras are turned off.

[1:30:42] That red light means the camera is off.

[1:30:43] Yeah, you're going to be a star.

[1:30:44] So just leave the room and you just go and do it.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:47] Anyway, these two rats are fucking.

[1:30:50] And Martin Lawrence is talking over like a walkie-talkie to Will Smith.

[1:30:54] And he goes, they have sex just like us.

[1:30:59] And the guy next to me like elbows me in the ribs.

[1:31:02] And he's like, eh?

[1:31:03] Eh?

[1:31:04] And I'm like, great.

[1:31:06] Pretty good.

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:08] I wish they did.

[1:31:08] The guy had no idea that he was nudging the person who would most enjoy that scene.

[1:31:15] I wish then they did that.

[1:31:16] He's like, yeah.

[1:31:17] I wrote that.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:20] The person nudging you was Martin Lawrence.

[1:31:23] He nudges you in the ribs and then he's like, I have sex that way.

[1:31:26] Do you?

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:27] I'm just like, yeah, yeah.

[1:31:29] Rat's fucking.

[1:31:29] It's pretty good, huh?

[1:31:30] Yeah, you pulled out your phone and it was just a bunch of pictures of rats fucking.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:36] That's great.

[1:31:37] And then there was like a very, there was a rat in a, in a, in like a, there was like

[1:31:41] a, like a Dowager rat.

[1:31:43] A very proper, I don't need to watch this filth.

[1:31:46] And then got up and scurried out of the theater.

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:48] Yeah, I probably mentioned, but I saw like a late night screening of the English language

[1:31:52] Girl with a Dragon Tattoo at that theater.

[1:31:56] And a homeless guy walked in, or not homeless, it could have just been a drunk guy because

[1:31:59] he smelled like booze.

[1:32:00] And he like, was like wandering around and he smoked a cigarette and it added, both added

[1:32:05] a smell factor that movie needed.

[1:32:07] And it also added like a, what the fuck is this guy going to do?

[1:32:12] Suddenly real life is a lot more exciting than the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32:15] Yeah.

[1:32:17] Uh, I'll briefly state, I don't remember the story I told the podcast before or not when

[1:32:21] the Brady Bunch movie came out, which is about as mediocre a film as there is.

[1:32:26] Uh, nothing special, not bad, not good.

[1:32:28] It's just there.

[1:32:29] Uh, I remember seeing the theater cause I was like a teenager at the time.

[1:32:32] I'd see anything.

[1:32:33] And the movie started up and it starts up with the Brady Bunch theme.

[1:32:37] Maybe there's a teaser and then the Brady Bunch theme and the entire audience spontaneously

[1:32:41] started singing along with it.

[1:32:43] And I'm sure we're not the only audience that did that when that movie came out, but there

[1:32:47] was something about like, not a song I particularly care about, not a movie I really give a shit

[1:32:53] about, but like the entire audience in the theater coming together in this like joyful recognition

[1:32:59] of a thing that they knew very well was a very beautiful experience in its own way.

[1:33:04] And that dissipated as soon as the song was over.

[1:33:07] Yeah.

[1:33:08] But it was, but it was very exciting that everyone suddenly had locked onto the same beam, you know.

[1:33:13] That's cool.

[1:33:14] It was nice.

Dan McCoy

[1:33:15] Uh, this next letter is from Mason, last name with hell.

[1:33:18] Gamble, star of Dennis the Menace the movie.

[1:33:20] Uh-huh.

[1:33:20] Who writes, is there a line or moment from a movie you otherwise enjoyed that just grinds

[1:33:26] your gears for some reason?

[1:33:28] The scene that has stuck with me is this moment in Hellboy where Trevor Bruttenholm, the professor,

[1:33:34] uh, pronounced broom.

[1:33:35] Yeah.

[1:33:36] Oh, sorry.

[1:33:37] Is given a tour.

[1:33:38] You should be.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:39] He's a, he's a decorated supernatural expert.

Dan McCoy

[1:33:41] Trevor Brum, the professor, is giving a tour to John Thaddeus Myers, the new normal guy,

[1:33:48] and points out that this, points out this artifact in a display case.

[1:33:52] Brum mentions that, sorry, Brum mentions what it is, then says,

[1:33:56] When Hitler got it in his possession, his power increased threefold.

[1:34:01] What the fuck does that mean?

[1:34:03] Did three times as many young Germans pop out of the ground to join the military?

[1:34:07] Did Germans become three times more anti-Semitic?

[1:34:10] Did his sperm kraut count increase threefold?

[1:34:13] The sperm kraut, that's what they call it in Germany.

[1:34:15] The sperm kraut.

[1:34:15] Too vinegary.

[1:34:16] Please, don't order the sperm kraut.

[1:34:19] Years have gone by and this moment still bugs me.

[1:34:22] If Hitler was presented as some kind of evil mage, then fine, his power increased threefold.

[1:34:26] But just saying a guy's power increased threefold is meaningless until he was a real Vegeta

[1:34:30] in making me understand that object's power.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:33] Bad guy in Dragon Ball Z.

[1:34:35] Oh.

[1:34:35] I think he could bench three times as much, I think, as before.

[1:34:38] Yeah, that makes sense.

Dan McCoy

[1:34:39] Thanks for any thoughts, and goofs.

[1:34:40] Mason, last name withheld.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:42] Actually, I don't feel the same way about this.

[1:34:44] I mean, I'm like, I'm sure there are movies that have moments where I'm like, ooh.

[1:34:48] But in the first Captain America movie, there's the part where Red Skull is talking to the Nazi officer.

Stuart Wellington

[1:34:58] And he's doing it in that great accent.

[1:35:00] That's what I loved about Hugo Weaving's performance is that he not just did a German accent, but he's like, I'm going to do a very specific regional accent.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:10] Yeah, but there's a point where he's got like a laser weapon, and he's turning the targets, and they're like, wait a minute.

[1:35:17] Berlin is on this map.

[1:35:19] You would attack us too?

[1:35:21] And I think the point of that scene is supposed to be Red Skull is so evil.

[1:35:25] He's going to turn on his masters.

[1:35:26] He's only in it for himself.

[1:35:28] But me, as a viewer, I'm like, okay, so Red Skull's not that big a Nazi.

[1:35:33] He's therefore not as much a villain to me.

[1:35:35] Like, okay, now I like Red Skull more.

[1:35:37] Like, he's just in it for himself.

[1:35:39] He's not a venomous anti-Semite.

[1:35:41] Okay, like, that's cool.

[1:35:43] Like, this.

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:44] Yeah, he's got a reason.

[1:35:46] Like, I can follow his reasoning.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:48] Yeah, look, I like him more.

[1:35:50] I prefer him to Hitler at this point.

[1:35:52] So I think, I just didn't get the response out of me.

[1:35:54] I think the movie was it.

[1:35:54] You left the theater with a Red Skull pin on your jacket.

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:57] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:59] Guess I'm joining Hydra now.

[1:36:00] Yeah, why not?

Stuart Wellington

[1:36:01] Sure.

[1:36:03] Yeah, it's, so a movie that I love is the Lord of the Rings, The Two Towers.

[1:36:10] But in the extended version, which I also love, there's a sequence where they do, like, a little conclusion for the,

[1:36:19] the contest of killing Uruk-hai between Legolas and Gimli.

[1:36:25] Of course.

[1:36:25] Yeah, sure.

[1:36:26] And there's a moment when Gimli is sitting on a dead Uruk-hai with his axe stuck in its head.

[1:36:33] Clearly a dead Uruk-hai.

[1:36:35] And Legolas shoots it with an arrow.

[1:36:37] And he's like, it twitched.

[1:36:39] And Gimli says something like, it twitched because my axe is buried in its cerebral cortex.

[1:36:47] And I don't know if that's the specific term, but it felt like too medical a term for me to be like, they wouldn't use this term in Lord of the Rings.

Elliott Kalan

[1:36:56] Well, it's like, there's someone who tweeted something about, there's a, in one of the movies, one of the, they're like about to attack and one of the bad guy, Oruk, says like, looks like meats on the menu.

[1:37:07] Yeah, that's an awesome one.

[1:37:08] And someone pointed out like, how does this Oruk know what a menu is?

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:12] When did he come into contact with a menu?

[1:37:15] Yeah.

[1:37:16] Is there a lot of restaurants?

[1:37:18] That's incredible.

[1:37:21] That's awesome.

[1:37:22] Good job, Nate.

[1:37:23] As of now, uncredited tweeter.

[1:37:26] I'm just going to aggregate this and say, I don't remember who did it.

Dan McCoy

[1:37:31] The only example I have is pretty bad.

[1:37:34] I mean, I don't mind that though, because it still makes me laugh.

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:36] But for some reason, the cerebral cortex line, I'm like, come on, dude.

[1:37:40] You could have just said buried in its head.

Dan McCoy

[1:37:42] Yeah.

[1:37:42] On its brain.

[1:37:43] Let's just move on.

[1:37:45] So this next one is from Julie, last name withheld.

[1:37:48] Tamor.

[1:37:49] Who writes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:37:50] What did you guys think about Titus?

[1:37:52] Be honest.

[1:37:53] I liked a lot of it, Julie Tamor.

Stuart Wellington

[1:37:55] Wait, the Christopher Titus' TV show?

[1:37:57] Yeah.

[1:37:59] Hey-oh.

[1:38:00] I love it.

[1:38:00] It's so funny.

Dan McCoy

[1:38:03] Thanks to a close friend of mine, hesitantly recommending this film to me,

[1:38:07] I recently found myself in a small independent theater watching a film called

[1:38:12] A French film about a young and nervous teenage girl.

[1:38:15] I heard about that.

[1:38:15] I want to see it.

[1:38:16] I want to see it.

[1:38:16] Spoilers.

[1:38:17] That movie had a lot to say about college hazing culture and teenage rebellion,

[1:38:25] and I can honestly say it was one of the best films I've seen in a very long time.

[1:38:29] It was very gory, but not needlessly so, and the buildup to the final scenes was well-paced and suspenseful.

[1:38:38] I like this movie quite a bit, but the gore in the general premise has turned off all but one person I tried to explain it to,

[1:38:44] and that one person was my dad who may have just been trying to be nice.

[1:38:48] I know you gentlemen suggest films every episode and spit them into the podcast universe,

[1:38:52] but what films have you had trouble endorsing outside of the flop house?

[1:38:56] Are there any films that you think,

[1:38:57] I really want people to see this movie,

[1:38:59] but also make you worry about certain plot lines or scenes that might not fly as well with most people?

[1:39:05] How can I recommend a film like this to a friend without fearing they would ghost on me after they watch it,

[1:39:09] in fear that I might be a teenage cannibal as well?

[1:39:13] Stay Funky Fresh, Julie, last name withheld.

Stuart Wellington

[1:39:16] Thank you, I will stay Funky Fresh.

[1:39:18] I remember when Blade II came out.

[1:39:20] I went and saw it in the theater a couple times,

[1:39:22] because I was in college and I had plenty of time to go to movies multiple times in the theater,

[1:39:26] and I remember recommending it to people,

[1:39:29] and people coming back, and I'm like,

[1:39:31] wasn't it fucking great?

[1:39:32] And they had a look on their face like,

[1:39:34] I didn't like it at all.

[1:39:36] And that both made me consider who I was recommending these movies to,

[1:39:41] and also that they were looking for something that is different than what that movie was going to deliver.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39:47] Which is great, crazy, monster-vagina-faced vampires.

[1:39:51] Yeah.

[1:39:51] There's a lot of movies where I feel like I'd like it a lot,

[1:39:56] but I'm really recommending it will say something about who I am as a person,

[1:40:00] to the person I'm recommending it,

[1:40:01] because there's something either extreme or strange in it that I'm not,

[1:40:06] that like, they're just not going to understand the same way I understood it.

[1:40:10] Like, a movie like Possession is something I would recommend wholeheartedly,

[1:40:14] but if someone in my family watched it, they would be like,

[1:40:17] are you okay?

[1:40:18] Like, is this, are you alright?

[1:40:21] You know?

[1:40:22] Because I'm worried about you after watching the movie you recommended.

Stuart Wellington

[1:40:25] Like, I feel like the out there stuff isn't as hard for me to recommend.

[1:40:29] I mean, we recommend movies a lot here,

[1:40:30] and I recommend a lot of crazy, dumb movies,

[1:40:33] but I still like them.

[1:40:35] And I think it's the more, like, weirdly normal stuff.

[1:40:39] Like, something like Manchester by the Sea,

[1:40:41] a movie that I liked a lot,

[1:40:42] and I understand why people don't like it,

[1:40:45] but I'm a little bit worried that me recommending it

[1:40:48] will make me seem like I don't understand them.

[1:40:52] Ah, I see.

[1:40:52] When there's, like, very real reasons.

[1:40:54] Like, it's not like,

[1:40:55] oh, I didn't like that because it's, like,

[1:40:57] a ton of gore and weird shit,

[1:40:59] but more,

[1:40:59] I didn't like it because there's,

[1:41:02] it's a problematic situation.

[1:41:05] Yeah.

[1:41:05] And that it makes me come off as a,

[1:41:08] as I'm, like, insensitive to that sort of thing.

[1:41:11] When I'm not,

[1:41:12] I just happen to like it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:14] I mean,

[1:41:14] as someone who watches a lot of old movies,

[1:41:16] and I've touched on this before,

[1:41:18] talking about this,

[1:41:18] like,

[1:41:19] there are so many movies that are wonderful,

[1:41:22] but then there's something in it,

[1:41:23] like,

[1:41:24] there's either a non-white character

[1:41:26] or a way that women are treated in a scene or something

[1:41:28] that is not okay.

[1:41:30] And it's like,

[1:41:30] I don't know if I can recommend this movie

[1:41:32] because there's this maid character

[1:41:34] that's totally insulting,

[1:41:36] but everything besides that is really good.

[1:41:39] And even, like,

[1:41:40] my favorite movie,

[1:41:40] Taken of Pelham 1, 2, 3,

[1:41:42] there's the scenes with Walter Matthau

[1:41:43] and the Japanese subway guys.

[1:41:45] Yes.

[1:41:46] Which are,

[1:41:47] I don't like at all.

[1:41:48] Like,

[1:41:48] and I don't,

[1:41:49] and even when Walter Matthau gets his,

[1:41:50] like,

[1:41:51] comeuppance,

[1:41:52] it still doesn't erase that he's been saying

[1:41:54] these terrible things,

[1:41:55] so.

Dan McCoy

[1:41:55] I can be,

[1:41:56] I can be surprised sometimes,

[1:41:57] too,

[1:41:58] when, like,

[1:41:59] about things that don't play well,

[1:42:02] anymore.

[1:42:03] Like,

[1:42:04] sometimes I'm just like,

[1:42:05] I don't think about it,

[1:42:06] and then, like,

[1:42:07] I was watching

[1:42:08] a Marx Brothers movie

[1:42:13] with a woman fairly recently,

[1:42:14] and there's, like,

[1:42:15] scenes where, like,

[1:42:16] Harpo is running around

[1:42:17] chasing a woman,

[1:42:20] and it's just like,

[1:42:21] oh, yeah,

[1:42:23] that doesn't play very well anymore.

[1:42:26] Like,

[1:42:26] it doesn't help to be like,

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:28] but, you see,

[1:42:28] Harpo is a sexless animal.

[1:42:30] He's a sprite.

[1:42:31] He doesn't know what to do with the women

[1:42:33] once he's caught them.

Dan McCoy

[1:42:34] Yeah.

[1:42:34] It just,

[1:42:35] it just plays like,

[1:42:36] oh, okay,

[1:42:36] this guy is, like,

[1:42:37] assaulting this woman.

Stuart Wellington

[1:42:39] In some ways,

[1:42:41] I mean,

[1:42:42] maybe I'm just patting myself

[1:42:44] on the back here,

[1:42:45] but sometimes those kind of situations

[1:42:47] coming up,

[1:42:48] I appreciate having an opportunity

[1:42:52] to, like,

[1:42:53] think about

[1:42:54] why it bothers me,

[1:42:55] or why it doesn't work,

[1:42:57] and whether or not,

[1:42:58] and then actually having to,

[1:43:00] I'm spending some time

[1:43:00] and judging whether or not,

[1:43:01] I think it's,

[1:43:02] the value of the work of art

[1:43:05] is,

[1:43:07] like,

[1:43:07] it still makes it worthwhile

[1:43:09] despite what,

[1:43:11] the problematic elements.

[1:43:13] Do you know what I mean?

[1:43:13] Yeah, no,

[1:43:14] I know what that's what you mean,

[1:43:14] yeah.

[1:43:15] And then having to say it

[1:43:17] out loud on the internet

[1:43:18] in front of people

[1:43:19] and be like,

[1:43:19] judge me, please.

[1:43:21] Well,

[1:43:21] you're like,

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:21] I recognize why this is problematic,

[1:43:24] but upon looking at it,

[1:43:26] I discard it

[1:43:26] because it doesn't bother me

[1:43:27] as a privileged white male.

[1:43:30] Yeah,

[1:43:30] as a cisgender,

[1:43:31] white,

[1:43:31] straight male.

[1:43:32] I think I know what's best.

[1:43:33] You know what,

[1:43:34] I looked at it from a 360 degree angle,

[1:43:36] it still doesn't blow me that much,

[1:43:37] so.

[1:43:38] That's what I'm saying,

[1:43:39] thank you.

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:41] Once again,

[1:43:41] Elliot summarizes my joke perfectly.

Dan McCoy

[1:43:46] Last quick letter.

[1:43:48] Dear Stuart and Elliot,

[1:43:49] Yep.

[1:43:50] Why are you so mean to Dan?

[1:43:52] Dear Dan,

[1:43:53] Have you heard of this guy?

[1:43:54] Dear Dan,

[1:43:55] why are Stuart and Elliot

[1:43:56] so mean to you?

[1:43:57] Signed,

[1:43:57] Dan McCoy withheld.

[1:43:59] Whoa.

[1:44:00] Oh,

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:01] let's get into it.

[1:44:03] Let's get real.

[1:44:04] We're like an hour and a hundred minutes

[1:44:05] into this podcast,

[1:44:07] but let's start talking about the issues.

[1:44:09] I mean,

[1:44:09] I guess this has been an episode

[1:44:10] where I've made fun of Dan

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:11] masturbating a lot.

[1:44:12] Me too.

[1:44:13] Dan,

[1:44:14] I'm sorry,

[1:44:14] you don't masturbate,

[1:44:15] you're sexless.

[1:44:15] It's fine,

[1:44:16] I know everyone does it.

[1:44:17] I mean,

Dan McCoy

[1:44:17] it's cool.

[1:44:18] Elliot has a look on his face like,

[1:44:20] not me.

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:21] Are we on the record here?

[1:44:24] Elliot says a little ghost comes to Jackson Mark.

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:29] Look,

[1:44:30] Dan Aykroyd took me off to this ghost blowjob service.

[1:44:33] It's incredible.

[1:44:34] It's amazing.

[1:44:35] And the best part is they unbutton your pants for you.

[1:44:37] That's crazy.

[1:44:38] Why does it even do that?

[1:44:39] Yeah,

[1:44:39] I don't know.

[1:44:40] Just do it inside the pants.

[1:44:42] Well,

[1:44:42] service.

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:44] Hey,

[1:44:44] Dan.

[1:44:44] Can you just throw everything in the wash?

[1:44:46] Hey,

[1:44:46] I'm sorry if we're too mean to you sometimes.

[1:44:48] Thanks,

[1:44:48] buddy.

[1:44:49] It's all right.

Dan McCoy

[1:44:51] I'll miss you.

[1:44:51] I like to think we're being mean to the Dan character.

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:55] Even when we text mean things to you.

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:58] Well,

[1:44:59] we're hoping that's going to get screenshotting.

[1:45:03] Yeah.

[1:45:04] Screenshot.

Dan McCoy

[1:45:04] Yeah,

[1:45:05] screenshot.

[1:45:07] We should definitely move on because,

[1:45:09] God damn,

[1:45:10] this has been long.

[1:45:11] It's been long.

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:11] We barely talked to you.

[1:45:12] Don't worry,

Elliott Kalan

[1:45:12] you'll have fun editing it.

[1:45:14] So what do we do next?

[1:45:17] Recommendations,

[1:45:18] and let's do it super fast.

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:19] We do recommendations,

[1:45:20] a movie that we actually liked.

[1:45:22] Let's do it super fast.

[1:45:23] I'm going to fucking jump right in here.

[1:45:25] This should be no joke at all to you foolios.

[1:45:28] We're going to recommend.

[1:45:30] I'm going to recommend a horror movie that's in theaters and on demand right now.

[1:45:35] You should go watch The Void.

[1:45:39] This is by the guys who made a movie I talked about earlier on an earlier episode called Manborg.

[1:45:46] I believe it's directed.

[1:45:48] I believe it's from these guys,

[1:45:49] Jeremy Gillespie and what?

[1:45:52] Johnny Gillespie.

[1:45:53] No,

[1:45:54] I'm going to remember.

[1:45:54] Dizzy Gillespie.

[1:45:55] I'm going to remember how to say their names exactly right now.

[1:45:59] Bill Melendez.

[1:46:00] Right here.

[1:46:01] Thank you,

[1:46:01] IMDb.

[1:46:02] His name's Eggsactly.

[1:46:04] Okay,

[1:46:05] so it's Jeremy Gillespie and Steven Katansky.

[1:46:09] And I'm not just going to recommend their movie because they support the Plophouse because they come to one of our live shows.

[1:46:19] But these guys,

[1:46:21] they put together a really great little B horror movie with amazing practical effects.

[1:46:28] It looks great.

[1:46:29] The sound and music is great.

[1:46:32] And it kind of plays like if somebody was screening Prince of Darkness and then swapped out the last reel for Hellraiser 2.

[1:46:42] It's an ooey gooey horror movie.

[1:46:44] Fresh and chewy.

[1:46:45] Ooey gooey,

[1:46:46] fresh and chewy.

[1:46:47] Check it out.

Dan McCoy

[1:46:48] It's great.

[1:46:49] The Void.

[1:46:50] Boom.

[1:46:51] I'm going to recommend,

[1:46:53] I feel like I have a surprising recommendation.

[1:46:56] I taped off of HBO and enjoyed much more than I expected.

[1:47:02] The Purge election year,

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:04] which,

[1:47:05] I guess we're not watching it for the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[1:47:07] No,

[1:47:07] no,

[1:47:07] no.

[1:47:07] We watched the Purge,

[1:47:09] the original Purge movie for the Flophouse.

[1:47:11] And it was kind of just a boring home invasion movie.

[1:47:15] They have this high concept,

[1:47:16] the Purge,

[1:47:17] you know,

[1:47:17] like 12 hours every year.

[1:47:19] Is Lena Headey in this one?

[1:47:21] No.

[1:47:22] 12 hours.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:23] What about Hina Leedy?

Dan McCoy

[1:47:25] 12 hours every year where a crime is legal.

[1:47:27] We all know what the Purge is at this point.

[1:47:31] But,

[1:47:31] the first,

[1:47:33] Hong Shoe,

[1:47:33] get over it.

[1:47:35] The first movie did,

[1:47:37] that's America now.

[1:47:38] They won and we have to deal with it.

[1:47:40] The first movie did barely anything with this premise.

[1:47:43] But,

[1:47:44] there's a home invasion movie,

[1:47:46] right?

[1:47:46] Yeah,

[1:47:46] it was a home invasion movie.

[1:47:47] By the name,

[1:47:48] pretty,

[1:47:48] pretty low on the totem pole.

[1:47:51] Yeah.

[1:47:51] Home invasion movie.

[1:47:52] Yeah,

[1:47:53] definitely.

[1:47:53] But,

[1:47:54] by the time the third movie rolls around,

[1:47:56] there's a,

[1:47:57] it's Trey Bonkers.

[1:47:59] Well,

[1:47:59] there's a,

[1:48:00] uh,

[1:48:01] senator who wants to,

[1:48:03] uh,

[1:48:03] get rid of the Purge.

[1:48:05] And,

[1:48:05] of course,

[1:48:06] that makes her,

[1:48:07] that makes her purge target,

[1:48:11] numero uno,

[1:48:12] when the Purge comes around.

[1:48:13] Uh,

[1:48:14] and,

[1:48:14] the movie is much less of,

[1:48:17] just like a closed off,

[1:48:18] Corp.

[1:48:18] Invege movie,

[1:48:18] and more of a,

[1:48:20] kind of,

[1:48:21] uh,

[1:48:21] she's roaming through a city,

[1:48:23] where everyone's against her.

[1:48:24] And,

[1:48:24] it feels like,

[1:48:25] a,

[1:48:26] John Carpenter movie.

[1:48:28] Specifically,

[1:48:29] Mike Lee's naked.

[1:48:31] No,

[1:48:34] uh,

[1:48:34] something like,

[1:48:35] Escape from New York.

[1:48:37] Yeah.

[1:48:37] Uh,

[1:48:37] it's,

[1:48:38] it's just like,

[1:48:38] like a down and dirty,

[1:48:41] definitely a B movie,

[1:48:42] but a fun B movie.

[1:48:44] Of,

[1:48:45] just this woman,

[1:48:46] like,

[1:48:46] beset on all sides,

[1:48:48] by dangers.

Stuart Wellington

[1:48:49] So,

[1:48:50] man,

[1:48:50] I would feel bad for the,

[1:48:52] fucking purgers,

[1:48:53] if they were going after,

[1:48:53] Jacqueline Bissette.

[1:48:54] Like,

[1:48:54] she destroyed them.

[1:48:56] Um,

[1:48:56] the,

[1:48:57] the thing about the Purge movies,

[1:48:59] is I feel like,

[1:49:00] that's a premise that,

[1:49:01] was like,

[1:49:03] tailor made,

[1:49:04] with a bow,

[1:49:04] for John Carpenter to do.

[1:49:06] Yeah.

[1:49:07] And the closer,

[1:49:08] the filmmakers get to doing,

[1:49:10] I mean,

[1:49:10] in general,

[1:49:11] I feel like,

[1:49:11] the closer a filmmaker gets to making,

[1:49:13] a John Carpenter movie,

[1:49:14] the better.

[1:49:14] But I feel like,

[1:49:15] with the Purge specifically,

[1:49:16] like,

[1:49:17] the closer you get to Carpenter,

[1:49:18] the closer you're going to do.

[1:49:20] And it sounds like,

[1:49:21] election year is,

[1:49:23] where they get closest to it.

[1:49:24] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:49:25] I mean,

[1:49:25] I haven't seen the middle Purge movie,

[1:49:27] the Purge Anarchy,

[1:49:28] but,

[1:49:28] uh,

[1:49:29] does that also star,

[1:49:30] hunk of meat,

Stuart Wellington

[1:49:31] Frank Grillo?

[1:49:32] It does.

[1:49:33] It does.

[1:49:34] It's like,

[1:49:34] that guy on the grill.

[1:49:35] Wow.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49:36] It's like,

[1:49:37] I'm on a grill,

[1:49:37] because his name has grill in it.

[1:49:39] Yeah.

[1:49:39] But if you're looking for,

[1:49:40] I'm not a creative man,

[1:49:42] Elliot.

Dan McCoy

[1:49:43] If you're looking just like,

[1:49:44] a straight ahead,

[1:49:45] B movie,

[1:49:46] that is like,

[1:49:46] kind of a gritty,

[1:49:47] like,

[1:49:48] 80s style,

[1:49:50] low down action movie,

[1:49:52] the Purge,

[1:49:52] uh,

[1:49:53] election year,

[1:49:53] it's not,

[1:49:54] super great,

[1:49:55] but it,

[1:49:55] it,

[1:49:56] it scratches that itch a little bit.

Stuart Wellington

[1:49:59] Okay,

[1:50:00] let's see if LA continues our trend of,

[1:50:02] B movies.

Elliott Kalan

[1:50:04] Uh,

[1:50:04] I'm gonna recommend Creed,

[1:50:05] the Rocky sequel,

[1:50:07] uh,

[1:50:07] continuation.

[1:50:08] Uh,

[1:50:09] there's a lot to it.

[1:50:10] An Academy Award nominated movie.

[1:50:12] Yeah,

[1:50:12] not,

[1:50:12] not a B movie,

[1:50:13] directed by Ryan Coogler,

[1:50:14] starring,

[1:50:15] uh,

[1:50:16] Michael B. Jordan.

[1:50:17] And,

[1:50:17] I almost called him Michael B. Jones for a second,

[1:50:19] which is nobody's name.

[1:50:20] Uh,

[1:50:20] which is,

Stuart Wellington

[1:50:22] no one in history.

[1:50:23] One of our,

[1:50:23] one of our listeners is now clicking on subscribe,

[1:50:26] because his name is Michael B. Jones.

[1:50:28] But his,

Elliott Kalan

[1:50:28] his,

[1:50:28] his monocle fell out of his eye.

[1:50:30] He said,

[1:50:30] I never,

[1:50:31] uh,

[1:50:32] I,

[1:50:33] what heard,

[1:50:33] had heard a lot of good things about it,

[1:50:35] but I was doubtful,

[1:50:36] because the Rocky series is very,

[1:50:38] Penny doubtful,

[1:50:39] my new favorite show time show.

[1:50:41] The Rocky series is very hit and miss,

[1:50:43] to say the least.

[1:50:44] Uh,

[1:50:45] but,

[1:50:45] I thought it was a really good way,

[1:50:48] and,

[1:50:48] because continuations of old series can be,

[1:50:51] kind of cheap,

[1:50:52] popstories in a long time,

[1:50:53] but they did a really good job of both,

[1:50:55] continuing the world of the original movies,

[1:50:58] while not relying on them so much that,

[1:51:01] like,

[1:51:01] you know how the beats that this movie is going to hit,

[1:51:04] because it's a Rocky movie,

[1:51:05] but doing it in a way that felt like they are respecting a tradition,

[1:51:10] rather than shamelessly repeating what was going on before.

Stuart Wellington

[1:51:14] I remember going into that movie after the,

[1:51:16] uh,

[1:51:17] the Academy Awards that that movie was nominated for,

[1:51:19] and the,

[1:51:20] I was ready to be like,

[1:51:23] Sylvester Stallone doesn't deserve this nomination,

[1:51:25] but he's really fucking good in that movie.

[1:51:27] Everyone's really good in it.

[1:51:28] Everyone's great in it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:51:29] Yeah.

[1:51:30] Um,

[1:51:30] but he's,

[1:51:30] he's,

[1:51:31] when he,

[1:51:32] he's like,

[1:51:33] uh,

[1:51:35] Clint Eastwood and Arnold Schwarzenegger,

[1:51:37] in that,

[1:51:37] they are tough guy actors who are now old,

[1:51:41] and when they play to that age,

[1:51:43] they uncover things in themselves that they didn't necessarily have fully before,

[1:51:49] in which make their performances deeper,

[1:51:51] and when they try to run away from that age,

[1:51:54] it hurts them completely.

[1:51:56] I mean,

[1:51:56] Clint Eastwood barely runs away from the age,

[1:51:57] but like,

[1:51:58] when Sylvester Stallone was doing like,

[1:52:00] Expendables type stuff,

[1:52:01] or that last Rambo movie,

[1:52:03] Yeah.

[1:52:04] it was like,

[1:52:04] come on dude,

[1:52:05] but when he's playing to the fact that he's an old man,

[1:52:07] who was once this powerhouse,

[1:52:09] like,

[1:52:09] that's very powerful.

Stuart Wellington

[1:52:10] Yeah.

[1:52:11] There's,

[1:52:11] the thing about,

[1:52:12] the thing about Creed is,

[1:52:14] there's a scene,

[1:52:15] there's,

[1:52:15] in one of the boxing scenes,

[1:52:17] there's a moment where it cuts to a character going,

[1:52:20] yes!

[1:52:21] And it fucking works!

[1:52:23] Like,

[1:52:24] that type of shit normally,

[1:52:26] that's like Batman and Robin shit,

[1:52:27] and I'm like,

[1:52:28] no,

[1:52:28] but for whatever reason,

[1:52:30] it totally like,

[1:52:31] got me on the edge of my seat.

[1:52:32] It's crazy.

[1:52:32] And the boxing scenes are fantastic.

Elliott Kalan

[1:52:34] The boxing scenes are great.

[1:52:35] Like,

[1:52:36] boxing is,

[1:52:37] to my mind,

[1:52:38] it's a uniquely cinematic sport,

[1:52:40] if you want to call it sports,

[1:52:41] two guys wail on each other with their fists.

[1:52:43] But,

[1:52:43] uh,

[1:52:44] the,

[1:52:44] that's controversial,

[1:52:45] I know.

[1:52:46] But there are,

[1:52:47] like,

[1:52:47] the biggest disappointment I have with the movie The Fighter,

[1:52:49] was that the boxing climax at the end is super boring,

[1:52:53] because you're just watching a boxing match on TV,

[1:52:56] and this,

[1:52:57] Coogler takes you into the ring,

[1:52:59] and you're experiencing the fight,

[1:53:01] and he does a great job.

Stuart Wellington

[1:53:01] No,

[1:53:01] you're right.

[1:53:02] The,

[1:53:02] the boxing scenes are,

[1:53:03] are really,

[1:53:04] really,

[1:53:04] and they're really well shot,

[1:53:06] and they're,

[1:53:06] yeah,

[1:53:07] it's awesome.

Elliott Kalan

[1:53:07] even watching this movie on an iPad,

[1:53:10] while I was doing the dishes,

Stuart Wellington

[1:53:11] I felt the full impact of each punch.

Elliott Kalan

[1:53:14] So,

[1:53:14] nice work,

[1:53:15] agreed,

[1:53:15] and I recommend it to everyone who was interested in it,

[1:53:18] but was worried that it was not going to live up to the potential.

Dan McCoy

[1:53:22] All right,

[1:53:23] three great recommendations,

[1:53:25] and now,

[1:53:26] we have to get the fuck out of here.

Elliott Kalan

[1:53:28] So long.

[1:53:29] Dan,

[1:53:29] please tell us you're going to cut this episode down,

[1:53:31] but not my Aerosmith stuff,

[1:53:33] right?

[1:53:34] Uh,

[1:53:34] no problem.

Stuart Wellington

[1:53:34] Can you put all the beep,

[1:53:36] boop,

[1:53:36] boops in there?

[1:53:37] Yeah,

[1:53:38] put those back in there.

[1:53:39] Just loop back in.

[1:53:40] Yeah,

[1:53:41] for the completists.

Dan McCoy

[1:53:42] Uh,

[1:53:43] no,

[1:53:44] uh,

[1:53:44] it's been great,

[1:53:45] but now we gotta go.

[1:53:47] For the Flophouse,

[1:53:48] I've been Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[1:53:50] I've been Stuart Wellington.

[1:53:52] Beep,

[1:53:52] boop,

[1:53:53] beep,

[1:53:53] boop.

[1:53:54] Ellie Kalen.

[1:53:56] Good night,

[1:53:56] everyone.

[1:53:57] Bye-bye.

Dan McCoy

[1:54:03] We seem to be...

[1:54:04] How do I sound?

[1:54:05] Do I sound good?

[1:54:06] Fine.

[1:54:07] Well,

[1:54:07] you weren't talking when that was going on.

[1:54:10] Okay.

[1:54:10] You're only talking during the beep,

[1:54:11] boop,

[1:54:12] beep,

[1:54:12] boop,

[1:54:13] beep part of things.

[1:54:14] How did that sound bad?

[1:54:16] Uh,

[1:54:16] it sounded like beep,

[1:54:17] boop,

[1:54:17] beep,

[1:54:18] boop,

[1:54:18] boop.

Stuart Wellington

[1:54:19] Yes,

[1:54:19] what was all that beep,

[1:54:20] boop,

[1:54:20] boop stuff you were saying?

[1:54:21] Uh,

[1:54:22] it's this new sound I'm trying out.

Dan McCoy

[1:54:24] Yeah.

[1:54:24] That new sound you're looking for?

Stuart Wellington

[1:54:26] Yeah,

[1:54:26] I'm trying to do this.

[1:54:26] Listen to this.

[1:54:27] I'm trying to do this new,

[1:54:29] uh,

[1:54:29] new thing,

[1:54:30] a podcast.

[1:54:31] Trying to reach a new,

[1:54:32] uh,

[1:54:32] binary market.

S4

[1:54:34] That's the future,

[1:54:35] you know?

[1:54:36] Mm-hmm.

[1:54:36] The three of you enter a cave of a big red dragon,

[1:54:39] and it's standing over a horde of precious golden rubies,

[1:54:42] and he says,

[1:54:43] what do you do,

[1:54:44] adventures?

[1:54:44] I'm a dragon man.

Dan McCoy

[1:54:46] I cast fire on him.

[1:54:47] It's very good.

[1:54:47] I address the red dragon and say,

S4

[1:54:49] us,

[1:54:50] we're the hosts of the Adventure Zone,

[1:54:52] a podcast about family playing Dungeons and Dragons.

[1:54:55] Very good synergy.

[1:54:56] Commit to the bit.

[1:54:57] I,

[1:54:58] I rolled to charm new listeners.

[1:55:00] It is very effective.

[1:55:02] Against all odds.

[1:55:03] Everybody,

[1:55:04] we're the Macroids.

[1:55:04] We host the Adventure Zone.

[1:55:05] It's a podcast where we play Dungeons and Dragons together.

[1:55:07] It's a comedy podcast.

[1:55:09] We don't take the rules too seriously because there's a lot of them,

[1:55:11] and we did not take the time to learn them.

[1:55:12] Maybe listen to us.

[1:55:13] We come out every other Thursday on the Maximum Fun Network.

[1:55:16] You can find us on iTunes or on MaximumFun.org.

[1:55:18] I think this promo's a critical hit.

[1:55:20] MaximumFun.org.

Dan McCoy

[1:55:31] Comedy and culture.

[1:55:32] Artist owned.

[1:55:33] Listener supported.

Ep. #230 - Monster Trucks

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