Ep. #231 - Mother's Day

[0:00] On this episode we watched Mother's Day.

[0:04] I forgot it's Mother's Day weekend. I gotta go get a card!

[0:08] Uh, guys, he really just left.

[0:12] Uh, I guess we can quit doing the podcast forever then.

[0:16] Yay!

[0:20] I got a card, guys! I'm back.

[0:24] That was a real commitment to fully work.

[0:28] So what you have to do is you have to edit that last part Elliot did out

[0:32] and put it at the very end of the episode.

[0:36] And I'll just be quiet the whole episode.

[0:58] Hey everyone, and welcome to The Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[1:02] Hey-o! I'm Stuart Wellington.

[1:06] Hi! Elliot Kalin over here.

[1:10] And I'm New!

[1:14] Hey New!

[1:18] Do you have another name we can call you?

[1:22] Are you like a character from a cyberpunk movie?

[1:26] I play the role of Elliot Kalin.

[1:30] Paul, it's great to have you here. Big fan.

[1:34] Guys, Stu, Dan, can I talk to you in the other room for a moment?

[1:38] Could you audition people when I'm not here?

[1:42] Timing does not work out, so I'm sorry.

[1:46] The thing is it's much easier to do the body hair comparison when you're here.

[1:50] Guys, should I stick around?

[1:54] I mean, I guess we could use this Teddy Ruxpin to be you

[1:58] for the body hair thing, so I guess you could leave.

[2:02] And for the talking thing, because he can talk. He's a bear that talks.

[2:06] We all know Teddy Ruxpin's an amazing bear that can talk. Put your favorite cassette tapes in and he moves his mouth.

[2:10] Look, is the body hair thing that necessary? Can listeners hear my body hair?

[2:14] There's so much rustling that I edit out of every episode, Elliot.

[2:18] Who should I hand my head shots to?

[2:22] Dan, that's a cat. That's not a girl.

[2:26] Who have I been sleeping with?

[2:30] Let's get out of this room and get back to the podcast.

[2:34] Step, step, step. Door open.

[2:38] Hey, Paul. We're kind of unprofessional. We don't do a lot of these interviews,

[2:42] but I guess we might as well. So let's start with the shit sandwich.

[2:46] What's your biggest weakness?

[2:50] The shit sandwich.

[2:54] Where does he see himself in five years?

[2:58] Well, my problem is that I give too much, I think. I care too much.

[3:02] So I will probably be caring too much.

[3:06] That's a good answer. It's a bad weakness, but it's a good strength.

[3:10] My five year plan is to increase grain and steel production beyond that of the western nations.

[3:14] That's a five year plan joke, guys.

[3:18] Anyway, so I was at the grocery store the other day,

[3:22] and you'll never believe what I saw in the aisles.

[3:26] Oh, he's doing his type five. His type five year plan.

[3:30] Little red book chunk.

[3:34] Yeah, yeah. My little red book is more of like a Sniglet's type book than Mal's little red book.

[3:38] Oh, hey, guys. Hey, everyone. Paul from Paul and Storm.

[3:42] Hi. Hey, thanks for having me. I'm a ball of fun right now, aren't I?

[3:46] Glad you have me on the show.

[3:50] Wow, this is an interesting new character you're doing, Paul. Like an Eeyore type?

[3:54] I guess we need two of those.

[3:58] Wait a minute. Is this an audition to replace me?

[4:02] I figured that over the course of the podcast, I will try out each of your personas.

[4:06] Oh, wow. Be fucking careful with mine. It's addictive.

[4:10] You'll start seeing him outside of the show. Yeah, it'll be very hard to shake off.

[4:14] It'll be like the film Double Life. The Double Life of Veronique?

[4:18] Nope. That's a different movie. All right. The Double?

[4:22] Nope. A different movie. Life? Nope. Also a different movie.

[4:26] Double Team? Nope. Different movie. Double Take?

[4:30] Different movie. Take Five. The Candy Bar. That's a candy bar.

[4:34] Double Bubble, I was expecting you to say. Also not a movie.

[4:38] Take Five. The song by Dave Brubeck. A song and very different.

[4:42] Also a song. Different song. So, Paul, what do we do on this here podcast?

[4:46] On this podcast, we watch a bad movie.

[4:50] Well, you watch a bad movie, usually, and then you talk about it.

[4:54] You were taking everything from me. Can't I have this one thing?

[4:58] Can't I have my one thing? No, but seriously, folks.

[5:02] We're excited that Paul is here. He heard that we were doing the movie Mother's Day,

[5:06] and he said, I gotta be there for that. Hey, guys, not to peel back the skin

[5:10] too much on this pizza.

[5:14] Yeah, we're all like a pizza, right? When you peel the skin back, we're red underneath.

[5:18] It's more the idea that pizza has a skin.

[5:22] It's like a Clyde Barker pizza. I mean, aren't all pizzas

[5:26] Clyde Barker pizzas when Clyde Barker's eating them?

[5:30] I couldn't imagica a better pizza.

[5:34] Wow, that came out great.

[5:38] I got an idea for a new book of blood. It's called Avoid the Noid.

[5:42] The Noid is one of the old beings.

[5:46] And there's anal sex involved somehow.

[5:50] I'm Clyde Barker. There's such a thin line between pain and pizza.

[5:54] I think I'll take a Cinnabite out of this slice.

[5:58] That's great for your cinnamon pizza.

[6:02] Oh, don't worry. I got an idea for a new character.

[6:06] So as I was saying,

[6:10] for our listeners at home, this is one of those Thirsty Thursdays.

[6:14] I mean, for us. It's not for you.

[6:18] Definitely not listening to this on a Thursday unless it's a week after we recorded it.

[6:22] Well, I hope you saved it up for a Thursday.

[6:26] So it's Thirsty Thursday, and I hope y'all are thirsty for some mother's milk.

[6:30] Gross.

[6:34] But that's what's so gross about it.

[6:38] It's natural. That's what babies drink.

[6:42] The demo research we got back from Cambridge Analytica, who we talked to about this,

[6:46] was that the Venn diagram between

[6:50] Flophouse listeners and lactation fetishists is almost just a circle.

[6:54] There's very little non-overlap, and that little bit of non-overlap

[6:58] is my parents and Stuart's parents.

[7:02] They're all into that adult lactation fetishist circle.

[7:06] Which is fine. I mean, it's great. It's totally healthy.

[7:10] My parents actually listen to this podcast, so please don't ask questions of them.

[7:14] And mine do not.

[7:18] We could have safely accused your parents of any fetish on the Fetish Rainbow.

[7:22] Yep, very much so. I think my dad thinks that I do an oldies call and request show on a local New Jersey radio station.

[7:26] My father-in-law still thinks it's a TV show he can watch on YouTube.

[7:30] So, we watched the movie

[7:34] Mother's Day, which is, as the name probably tells you,

[7:38] either a horror movie or a Gary Marshall holiday

[7:42] multi-story omnibus mash-up star-studded

[7:46] semi-anthological anthropological look

[7:50] at how we celebrate holidays as a family in the 21st century.

[7:54] It's from the Marshallverse. It's not the horror thing.

[7:58] It's part of the MCU, the Marshall Cinematic Universe.

[8:02] Are we in phase three of that yet?

[8:06] I mean, really, we're in phase end, because Gary Marshall has sadly passed.

[8:10] But what a legacy he has left behind.

[8:14] Neil Marshall's going to take over the Marshallverse.

[8:18] Do you think Gary Marshall, Penny Marshall, and Neil Marshall's movies all exist in one shared universe?

[8:22] So, like, a league of their own, Pretty Woman, and what?

[8:26] I think all three of us listed different Neil Marshall movies.

[8:30] And it was so much harder for me to think of another Gary Marshall movie.

[8:34] That wasn't a holiday.

[8:38] But anyway, so, Mother's Day.

[8:42] Should we just start with the old-fashioned character rundown?

[8:46] How much time you got?

[8:50] Not enough. As you may know from previous Gary Marshall episodes,

[8:54] like, what did we do, Valentine's Day?

[8:58] That's it. We didn't do New Year's Eve.

[9:02] We don't know what kind of magic happens on New Year's Eve.

[9:06] Probably a lot of kissing. Probably a ghost shows up.

[9:10] And a huggin', and a smoochin', and a squishin'.

[9:14] And I think smoochy-boochin', because I think Jason Mewes was in it.

[9:18] Or is that snoochy-booches? What the hell was his shitty catchphrase

[9:22] when he was 18 years old?

[9:26] Something about nugs, I bet.

[9:30] He seems like a fellow who has very strong opinions on nugs.

[9:34] About their relative dankness, or dankocity.

[9:38] So, let's start with the characters. As you know, he does these rich,

[9:42] kind of throw-everything-into-the-stew movies.

[9:46] I mean, like a hearty broth beef stew.

[9:50] You never know. Let's start. Let's run down the storylines.

[9:54] There's like three major storylines and some minor ones.

[9:58] Number one, Jennifer Aniston, or Janiston, which is her couple name.

[10:00] She's alone right now.

[10:01] Janiston is a mom who is divorced from Timothy Olyphant.

[10:05] She's actually married right now.

[10:06] Oh, who's she married to?

[10:07] Justin Theroux.

[10:08] Oh, Giroux.

[10:09] Yeah, Giroux.

[10:10] She's Al Giroux now, yes.

[10:11] Her couple name is then Thanaston, which I do not like.

[10:14] She's Thanos.

[10:15] Thanaston?

[10:16] Yeah, Thanos?

[10:17] That's a great one.

[10:18] Okay, great.

[10:19] Okay, so she's the Mad Titan, and she loves death.

[10:22] And so she's going to kill half the universe to appease her dark mistress.

[10:26] Uh-oh, looks like the combined might of Adam Warlock and Silver Surfer,

[10:29] everyone's favorite cosmic heroes, is about to stop her.

[10:32] Anyway, Jennifer Aniston is divorced from Timothy Olyphant of TV's Justified.

[10:37] Yep.

[10:37] Beautiful, beautiful man.

[10:39] He's super handsome.

[10:40] Oh man, what a tall drink of something.

[10:41] Oh, I'm going to guess something delicious, like the purple stuff.

[10:46] Yeah, like a slow gin fizz.

[10:49] That's right.

[10:49] Yeah, like a slow gin fizz.

[10:52] Don't you wish it was slower?

[10:53] Because you just want to savor every sip of Olyphant.

[10:56] Just drizzle it all over your pizza pie.

[10:58] Olyphant is wearing his trademark Olypants, available at retailers nationwide.

[11:02] You've been workshopping that fucking joke all night.

[11:06] It's the only pants that has Timothy Olyphant's guarantee

[11:09] that when you wear it, you'll be wearing a pair of pants he wore and pooped in.

[11:14] They're the Olyphant pants.

[11:14] He pooped in the pants, or he was wearing the pants?

[11:17] Artisanal.

[11:18] No, no, he just held them over his butt while he pooped.

[11:20] Okay, good.

[11:21] He just said, poop, poop, poop.

[11:22] Oh, good.

[11:23] How is that better, Dan?

[11:25] I don't want him to poop in, like literally poop in the pants.

[11:28] No, but he does.

[11:29] He holds them open.

[11:30] Oh, no.

[11:30] Like you would poop in a can or a jar.

[11:34] Or like a CVS bag.

[11:37] Because he's on the subway at the time, and it's stalled between stations on the track.

[11:41] I got to talk to Timothy.

[11:43] I think these Timothy Olypants may be a bad venture on his part.

[11:47] I mean, it's a better venture than his last one.

[11:49] Timothy Olyphant's Elephant Pants,

[11:52] which were pants for elephants with his signature on the side.

[11:55] Which is also his signature, of course, being his poop.

[11:59] For the folks at home, speaking as a fan of the show,

[12:02] sitting right here and watching these tangents take place is,

[12:06] if anything, even more fascinating than listening to him.

[12:08] I'm sure.

[12:09] Yeah, a lot of it's Dan checking his phone, double checking how to spell Olyphant.

[12:13] A look of horror on their faces as I talk about Timothy Olyphant pooping.

[12:16] Anyway, she's divorced from Timothy Olyphant.

[12:18] They have two kids together, and then a house full of their kids'

[12:21] friends who get to see Jennifer Aniston walking around in a towel.

[12:23] That had to have been a dress, right?

[12:26] No, it was one of those towels that has, like, some...

[12:31] Why are you tapping your chest?

[12:32] Are you dying?

[12:32] Because that's what you have to have.

[12:33] I'm having an episode.

[12:35] No, it has, like, a Velcro latch thingy,

[12:37] so you can wear it around the house in front of your kids and kids' friends.

[12:39] Okay, so she's just trying to instill some kind of

[12:43] deep-seated mom fetishism in these youngsters.

[12:46] Exactly.

[12:46] Yes, yes.

[12:47] Because she's worried they won't grow up with a kind of natural mom fetishism.

[12:50] All Americans have.

[12:51] Yeah.

[12:52] Okay.

[12:53] Like you, Dan.

[12:54] Let's talk about it.

[12:55] Uh, sure.

[12:56] So, American Pie, the Dan story.

[13:00] How's that screenplay going?

[13:01] It's called American Pie.

[13:04] I'm still in the research phase.

[13:06] Still trying to figure out what...

[13:07] Still trying to lose it.

[13:10] What food are you going to fuck in this movie?

[13:13] It'd be weird if it was an American Pie movie,

[13:15] and there was some other kind of food on the chopping block.

[13:18] It's called American Pie, colon, UK trip, semester in London,

[13:24] and it's a meat pie that he has at this time.

[13:26] Some steak and kidney pud.

[13:28] Yeah, like a shepherd's pie.

[13:29] Yeah.

[13:30] Said that way grosser than anything I've said tonight.

[13:34] So, Jennifer Aniston, she's an interior designer.

[13:36] Her ex-husband tells her...

[13:38] She thinks her ex-husband wants to get back together with her.

[13:40] What does that fellow do for a living?

[13:42] Timothy Olyphant?

[13:43] Something very expensive.

[13:44] He has a lot of money.

[13:45] He's a male prostitute.

[13:47] I mean, I guess that makes sense.

[13:49] He's worth it.

[13:52] He charges upwards of $100 a night.

[13:53] A real dream of a man.

[13:54] I mean, I guess that sounds...

[13:56] Maybe he's playing Timothy Olyphant, and that's just...

[13:58] He's living off...

[13:59] Oh, okay.

[14:01] Now, the whole movie takes place in Atlanta, Georgia,

[14:03] which we are told no less than a thousand times throughout the length of the movie.

[14:07] Does anyone have a Georgia accent in this?

[14:08] No, they do not.

[14:09] They are all very clearly transplants to Atlanta from outside of the country,

[14:13] because what this movie is really about is, one, the gentrification

[14:17] and kind of hip, trendy real estate ability of Atlanta, Georgia,

[14:21] or a hotlanta, as it's also sometimes called.

[14:23] Now, continuing.

[14:25] She thinks her ex-husband's going to tell her,

[14:27] hey, I want to get back together.

[14:28] No, he tells her, I got married.

[14:29] Are there any other Atlanta signifiers?

[14:31] Like, do you see, like, anybody wrap their lips around a big glass of sweet tea?

[14:37] No.

[14:37] Paperboy rapping?

[14:39] Yeah, Paperboy from the TV show Atlanta.

[14:43] Are there any real housewives wandering about this movie?

[14:46] I mean, kind of.

[14:47] Yeah, I mean, everyone who appears in the movie seems to be a friend of Gary Marshall's

[14:50] who gets to look at the camera and say a line or, like,

[14:53] hurry past the camera giggling at some point.

[14:56] So much of this movie is like an Archie comic,

[14:58] where in the first panel there would always be a close-up.

[15:01] Someone would be in the foreground laughing at the joke

[15:04] that was being said in the background.

[15:05] Just like a pretty girl would be smiling in the foreground,

[15:08] looking back at Archie and Jughead as like, those two jokers.

[15:11] And he'd be like, who's this character?

[15:13] Why is she so prominently placed?

[15:15] Like, Dan DiCarlo, explain this to me.

[15:16] There's a lot of establishing shots of extras that linger for, like, a second or two too long.

[15:22] Yeah, and ADR that's thrown in there where you're like,

[15:25] some, one of these girls has a crush on Tim Tebow?

[15:28] Why do I have to know that?

[15:30] That was, yeah, that was a bit of ADR.

[15:32] What's his face?

[15:32] The other football player.

[15:33] I don't care.

[15:35] Yeah, at one point some teenage girls were walking by and you just hear from ADR,

[15:38] Tom Brady's so hot and that's it.

[15:40] Like, is he an Atlanta player?

[15:43] I don't even know what team he's on.

[15:45] Like, the Denver Cheese Boys?

[15:47] Is that because later on when a soccer ball is kicked and it lands on the ground,

[15:51] it looks partially deflated?

[15:53] Maybe because of this whole deflate gate shenanigans I've heard about and didn't pay attention to?

[16:00] That joke lands about as well as 98% of the punchlines in this movie.

[16:04] Sure, thank you.

[16:05] Now, let me get back on track with the plot.

[16:08] I want to talk about it real fast.

[16:10] I want to talk about how stupid the movie is.

[16:11] I'm just saying that the reveal of Timothee Olyphant having remarried is the most obvious

[16:16] thing.

[16:16] We all saw it coming down the pike from the moment that he said,

[16:19] I have something to talk to you about.

[16:22] There was no plot point in this movie that is not predictable.

[16:25] From the moment that Paul, what, 20 minutes into the movie said,

[16:29] oh, that character is secretly that character's daughter,

[16:32] which did not pay off until an hour later into the film,

[16:35] it was like, I was impressed by that.

[16:37] But also everything else was super obvious.

[16:40] I was shocked as soon as, like, I thought we were going to have to up our game to

[16:45] keep pace with this shit that apparently we invited a swami into Dan's home.

[16:49] To be fair, I was standing next to the telegraph operator with her,

[16:52] telegraphing that incredibly obvious plot point.

[16:57] Julia Roberts.

[16:58] So Jennifer Aniston, she's crushed to find out that Timothee Olyphant has actually married

[17:03] his girlfriend, a much younger woman.

[17:06] Because Jennifer Aniston...

[17:06] Named Totino or something.

[17:08] Yeah, her name is Tina.

[17:10] She keeps saying Totina, Totina.

[17:12] And to them, stop saying Totina.

[17:14] It sounds for all the world like a plug for Totina's pizza rolls that they couldn't quite

[17:18] pull off.

[17:19] So they aborted it part of the way through.

[17:22] You just heard Gary Marshall was just in little earbuds in their ear going, pull up, pull up.

[17:26] Forget the Totino's plug.

[17:28] I'll just give the money back to them.

[17:30] I'm not a McElroy.

[17:31] I can't figure out how to make it work.

[17:35] Then that's one storyline.

[17:36] So she's dealing with her kids are now with their dad and their stepmom, and she has to

[17:42] deal with what's going on in my life right now.

[17:44] I understand there's too many surprises going on.

[17:46] My kids are spending too much time over at my husband's glass house.

[17:49] I want to throw a rock through it like on that one Billy Joel album cover.

[17:52] Or that movie with Lili Sobieski in it.

[17:54] Oh, yeah.

[17:54] Was that called Glass House?

[17:56] Yeah.

[17:57] Storyline numero dos.

[17:59] Jason Sudeikis was married to Jennifer Garner.

[18:05] You said was.

[18:07] That's because, unfortunately, she was killed while serving with our armed forces.

[18:11] She's a Marine.

[18:12] She loves karaoke.

[18:13] She's dead now.

[18:14] That's her entire character.

[18:15] Rest in peace.

[18:18] There's a moment where it's Semper Fi karaoke.

[18:20] There's a moment where he is watching a video of her performing karaoke.

[18:24] And he has two daughters.

[18:27] And the daughter walks and goes, mom loved karaoke as if the audience was so dumb that

[18:32] we couldn't get that.

[18:33] The one moment we're singing into a microphone.

[18:37] Was it?

[18:38] Was she a professional singer on a US?

[18:40] Oh, he's watching a video of his dead wife and not a stranger doing karaoke.

[18:46] I thought she was just watching a Jennifer Garner movie.

[18:49] I thought Jennifer Garner was going to 30.

[18:51] Is this an episode of Alias that shot in higher definition than the other episodes of Alias?

[18:56] James Garner on the James Court.

[18:58] James Garner was Jennifer Garner on the James Corden show.

[19:02] Doing Carpool Karaoke.

[19:03] Was James Garner Jennifer Garner's dad?

[19:06] Was James Garner Jennifer Garner the whole time?

[19:10] Now, I really want to see, like, James Garner on an episode of Lip Sync Battle.

[19:16] He never passed away, but it will never happen.

[19:19] Well, that's why I want it to happen.

[19:21] I want him to be alive.

[19:22] Can I mourn my own way?

[19:26] Speaking of mourning, Jason Sudeikis is in mourning.

[19:29] Jason Sudeikis is mourning and grieving for his wife.

[19:32] He runs a gym.

[19:32] He's mourning in the morning.

[19:33] This one group of three women who really want to hang out at the gym.

[19:38] The gym he owns.

[19:39] Yeah, the gym he owns and is the only employee of and which he alternates between wearing.

[19:43] Is his name Jim?

[19:44] According to Jim.

[19:45] He was named after it.

[19:47] According to Jim, his name is Jim.

[19:50] Let me look up in the Jimtionary.

[19:55] He has these three women who are always trying to set him up, but he's not quite ready yet.

[19:59] His wife only passed away.

[20:00] when you're going to have a chance for him right years ago yes

[20:03] yes that

[20:05] i think okay

[20:06] well also yes you're right now i think it would be saying this is the first

[20:09] mother's day without my okay well then that's that's what that's pretty early

[20:12] for him to be thinking about moving on actually he's not they wanted to have

[20:16] that now i'm saying that that's

[20:18] they should be pushing him that much

[20:21] and i'm arguing with the movie at this point yes it might come on movie because

[20:24] the movie very one year after a tragic death

[20:27] well it's like the movie is kind of like uh...

[20:29] when it like that one of those old

[20:31] first place where a lot of crazy things can happen to the end all the characters

[20:34] have to be paired up into marriage bonds

[20:36] that society can reassert its its sense of order

[20:40] there must look like no no no young man of breeding age

[20:43] even though you're on the older end of the scale and your wife has sadly

[20:46] perished you must pair bond with an attractive female so that you can

[20:51] continue to live the way god intended killer gary marshall person it's me

[20:55] gary marshall

[20:56] i thought paul f tompkins was sitting in the room for a moment

[20:59] i don't like these references to other things

[21:02] well it's like uh... it's it's like that uh...

[21:05] that movie witching and bitching i recommended a while ago the alex

[21:08] de la iglesia movie where like

[21:11] for whatever reason even the bad guys and the good guys are all at the one

[21:15] character's kids play at the end

[21:18] they're all just like hanging out in the audience enjoying themselves like

[21:21] it doesn't matter it was fun don't worry about it

[21:23] now there are two other storylines

[21:26] but they are actually kind of one of the same

[21:28] uh... julia roberts is a successful author turned jewelry pitchman on the

[21:33] home shopping network

[21:34] or on a home shopping network it says hsn right there in the corner

[21:38] yeah

[21:39] uh... but it could be like uh... her shopping network like maybe it's a

[21:42] different and uh... she spends most movie pitching jewelry but

[21:46] that somehow related mystery i think

[21:49] uh... to

[21:51] there's a bar called shorty's

[21:53] there's a waitress at it who's

[21:54] well why is it called shorty's elliot it is owned by a dwarf dan that's why it's called shorty's

[21:59] somehow more offensive than the shorty's skateboard company t-shirts that had a

[22:04] baby climbing out of a woman's vagina on them

[22:08] i mean that's where they come from

[22:10] my uh... this kid in my high school had one of those shirts and i was so

[22:14] jealous of this weird super gross shirt

[22:17] like all i have is this enormous johnson shirt

[22:20] you're like i want to masturbate to that shirt

[22:23] yeah

[22:24] there's nothing sexier than a baby crawling out of a woman's vagina

[22:27] that was a really good impression of me dan

[22:30] dan do another stewart impression

[22:32] uh... it's me stewart i love beer

[22:35] are there two stewarts here now?

[22:38] what the christ is going on in this podcast? which one's the real stewart? who do i shoot?

[22:43] i'm listening to a mirror

[22:45] it's like an audio mirror

[22:47] dan do another one. that was a clue for you to shoot him because that's something only stewart would say

[22:52] dan do an impression of me now

[22:54] hey i'm elliot

[22:56] elliot kaelin of the flop house. that's the kind of thing i would say. now do paul

[23:02] oh he'll?

[23:03] there it is. that's just like how i feel. the old country boy paul. now dan do uh...

[23:10] do uh... johnny carson

[23:13] weird wild stuff

[23:16] okay now do ronald mcdonald

[23:19] have some diabetes kids. now do the entire movie mac and me

[23:25] so we open on a house. okay let's go back to mother's day shall we?

[23:30] hilarious bit dan the impressionist continue anyway

[23:35] shorties is the home of a waitress and a bartender who are

[23:39] in love they have a child together. part of an enormous staff

[23:43] for the number of

[23:45] the one time we see shorties full is when it is morning like a week before

[23:48] mother's day and it is packed

[23:52] yeah being in the biz i know the week before mother's day it's a real crush at the

[23:56] bar. it's like a movie strip club like when you see a strip club in a movie where it's

[24:01] like everyone's at the strip club at ten a.m. for some reason. yeah and you want to

[24:05] invest in that business. yeah exactly

[24:09] this bar is like yeah i don't know whether it's like we're taking our

[24:13] mothers out for a drink is like I don't know what else to do with my mom she's

[24:16] visiting me uh let's take her down to the local door phone establishment

[24:21] that'll that'll that'll make it a little easier to take her criticism of the

[24:25] place where margarita's in. where at least one of the waitresses has a child and

[24:30] another waitress is working while pregnant

[24:32] she is literally working. she appears to be about 12 months pregnant. yeah i think she is

[24:37] working till the moment her water breaks

[24:39] she does in the movie yeah she's working for two and they are they have a

[24:45] child together but the waitress doesn't want to get married the bartender keeps

[24:48] popping the question and she keeps saying no she's afraid of the marriage

[24:53] not going well. did I mention he has an English accent?

[24:55] yes and he's English and he's also an up-and-coming stand-up comic. oh get ready

[24:59] for laughs. he appears regularly at John Lovitz's comic club comedy club as a

[25:05] comic hall is a comedy club where there is a competition for a $5,000 prize and

[25:11] let me tell you this comedy club it's not an easy crowd it's the easiest crowd

[25:16] because Dan describe to me how well everyone's jokes go over. they are

[25:22] laughing as if it is the if as if Louis CK and Richard Pryor had sex on the

[25:29] stage. that wouldn't be awkward at all. who's on top? Richard of course unless

[25:37] it's after the accident. okay yeah so the as as realistic as this very warm crowd

[25:45] is. they're laughing at the introductions of people's names. I think the only thing

[25:49] that really took me out of the movie was when a baby is presented with a $5,000

[25:54] novelty check it lists the name of the club as Buckhead comedy club as opposed

[26:00] to some stupid pun on jokes or chuckles or like mr. giggle factory. it should

[26:07] have been like yeah funny bone laugh-em-ups. uncle yuck yucks. yeah uncle

[26:11] yuck yuck. he went to jail. or Dan? no I said poor uncle yuck yuck. anyway did I say

[26:21] there were three storylines in this movie? and I went through three. surprise

[26:24] there's a fourth storyline and it's all about lies and deceit and when lies and

[26:30] deceit become sexual. by sexual I mean stupid and hackneyed. because it turns

[26:36] out that Kate Hudson is married to Asif Manvi. great for Asif. hey great

[26:41] for Kate. I mean Asif is a funny dude. he is a funny dude. but let's say he's a big

[26:45] star she's great she's America's sweetheart etc. she's America's fool's

[26:49] gold and her sister. she's a little bit of heaven. and no she wasn't a little bit

[26:55] of heaven. she wasn't? I thought she was. Peter Dinklage was a little bit of heaven. so wait but how do you lose a guy in ten days?

[27:01] it's a failure to launch I guess. maybe he's almost famous? we covered all the

[27:06] Kate Hudson? skeleton key. I remember when a friend of mine was writing a

[27:18] screenplay that was a New Orleans set ghost thriller. who was Russian? no it was Zalma Hayek and with a

[27:25] female lead and then I was like I've got some bad news for you this movie just

[27:29] came out called skeleton key and she was like damn it. threw her script away. threw it in the ocean. where it was eaten by an octopus. that octopus then sold that script for a

[27:44] million dollars. that's the ironic part. that octopus is now named Maxlandipus. Maxlandipus is typing away at four different screenplays at once with his

[27:55] eight arms. mm-hmm. anyway her Kate Hudson sister is married to what's her name

[28:02] Carmen Esposito? Cameron Esposito. Cameron Esposito. make that mistake a lot. max fun alum. and their

[28:09] mom is Margo Martindale and Margo Martindale is kind of like an old Texas

[28:13] red state hick who does not approve of Kate Hudson having once dated an Indian

[28:18] and her other daughter she doesn't even know why. her other daughter played by new

[28:21] Becky Sarah Chalky. oh right right. Chalky right? Chalky? yeah. I call her

[28:27] scrubsy. so like when? when you're having dinner with your parents? is she listed as

[28:33] scrubsy in your phone contacts? maybe. it says scrubsy and then when you look at it

[28:41] just a note that says put Sarah Chalky's name here phone number here when I get

[28:46] it. anyway aspirational alien. Margo Martindale is driving around in her RV

[28:52] and she is as racist and homophobic as the day is long to the point that her

[28:57] daughters have lied to her for years about their lives. Kate Hudson is married

[29:01] and has a child and Cameron Esposito is married and has a child. the children are

[29:06] not babies. they've been around for years and they've been lying to their mother

[29:10] and father who is essentially a non-entity about their lifestyle. I kind

[29:15] of want to find out how they were able to maintain this elaborate lie. well they

[29:20] while we were talking over a lot of the movie they were talking about how they

[29:23] the the parents live down in Texas and they live in a trailer park and there

[29:28] were jokes about their having a rotary phone. I guess Paul's right I should pay

[29:32] more attention to the movies. I'll tell you how they do it. most of the brilliant

[29:37] Sutterfuge involved every time that Kate Hudson. Sutterfuge is that when Kurt

[29:42] Sutter, showrunner of TV's Sons of Anarchy, goes into a fugue state and creates the bastard

[29:48] executioner. the ironic thing was I was gonna let that go of all the people to

[29:54] allow Elliot to. I gotta stick up for my boy Dan over here. I appreciate that I

[29:59] appreciate that

[30:00] Hey, you know what, Dan?

[30:01] Welcome, Stewart.

[30:03] OK, you're going to jail, Dan.

[30:05] I don't just turn back on me.

[30:07] I don't understand.

[30:08] Boomerang Donya, starring Eddie Murphy.

[30:12] The movie Boomerang Donya.

[30:14] It's the sequel to Boomerang, for anyone who didn't get it.

[30:19] When Boomerang came out, I was so, it was rated R.

[30:22] And I'm like, I want to see this fucking movie so bad.

[30:25] It's got to be so hilarious.

[30:26] Were you saying that to your mom?

[30:28] Like, mommy fucking bitch.

[30:30] Don't take me to see Burn Girl and take me to see Boomerang.

[30:33] I thought you were going to say you were so mad that the character wasn't named Max Boomerang.

[30:37] I mean, when I watch it, I'm like, I don't even get why it's called Boomerang.

[30:41] Nobody uses one.

[30:42] It didn't make any sense to me.

[30:44] You thought Paul Hogan was going to be in it.

[30:45] I was hoping.

[30:46] Or Yahoo!

[30:47] Series.

[30:48] Or Paul Hogan's brother, Hulk.

[30:50] Wait, they're...

[30:52] Yes, one's American and one's Australian.

[30:54] Yeah, just like Jennifer Garner and James Garner.

[30:56] Our brother and sister.

[30:59] Jennifer Garner has one of those Dorian Gray paintings.

[31:02] She's actually as old as James Garner.

[31:04] Oh, wow.

[31:05] James Garner got one of those paintings, but it didn't work, so he returned it.

[31:10] Spencer's gifts like this?

[31:11] Yeah.

[31:14] Now, they, but unfortunately, so here's the subterfuge that Kate Hudson usually puts together.

[31:24] When her mom Skypes her, she takes down the one picture of her family off the wall so

[31:29] that her mom can't see it.

[31:32] You know, the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world Asif Manvi

[31:36] wasn't married to him.

[31:37] As opposed to moving anywhere else in the entire house, their entire Pottery Barn catalog

[31:42] of a house that doesn't have pictures of her Brown family.

[31:46] Laptop does not move.

[31:47] No.

[31:48] Let's talk about, well, Stu, you were going to say something, and then I want to talk

[31:50] about the interior design of this movie.

[31:52] Which is worse, lying to her mom and dad that there's a grandchild or that she's been lying

[32:02] to her husband, her life partner, that her parents are, she claims that they live in

[32:07] a, what, like a mental hospital or something?

[32:11] Yeah, hospice or something.

[32:14] Which lies worse, guys?

[32:16] She's like, my parents live in the hospital from the kingdom.

[32:19] You don't want to go visit them.

[32:20] It's full of ghosts.

[32:21] All sorts of crazy shit's going to happen.

[32:23] That makes sense.

[32:24] You're right, and I'm a doctor, and I don't want to go to that hospital.

[32:27] My parents live in the hospital from Constantine, and nobody's in it ever, except for Satan.

[32:33] Udo Kyr shows up, and you're like, this has got to be a horror movie, because he doesn't

[32:36] do non-horror movies.

[32:39] Look, if you're in a doctor's office waiting room, and Udo Kyr walks in, you get the fuck

[32:44] out of that doctor's office.

[32:45] You sell him a painting that's cursed, and you get out of there.

[32:52] It's the same way that if you're the President of the United States, and Max von Sydow walks

[32:54] in and goes, Mr. President, I have that report, you get out of the White House.

[32:58] You do not want to be President anymore.

[33:00] Look, but Mr. President, I thought we were best friends.

[33:04] The impersonations are just flying thick on this episode.

[33:10] I've been working on my Van Sydow impression for quite a while.

[33:13] It involves making my tongue three times as large as it normally is.

[33:19] It's already shrunk back down to normal size.

[33:21] It'll take me about 20 minutes to work it back up.

[33:23] Let me start slapping it.

[33:25] Oh, God.

[33:26] Hit it with this hammer, and then we'll get back to you.

[33:30] So Margo Martindale, uh-oh, for a Mother's Day surprise, she is going to show up by surprise.

[33:36] Now here's, I want to talk about, now I want to, everything works out fine in the end,

[33:40] so let's not even bother talking about what happens to everybody.

[33:43] Who cares?

[33:44] It turns out that the English wannabe stand-up comics girlfriend is afraid of commitment

[33:50] because her mother was Julia Roberts, and she gave her away for adoption.

[33:54] Other than that, everything happens exactly the way you think it's going to happen.

[33:57] So Paul, you called that.

[33:58] I did.

[33:59] How are you going to spend your winnings, your trifecta?

[34:02] My huge $5,000 baby check?

[34:04] Yeah.

[34:05] The baby wins the stand-up comedy competition.

[34:07] Like everyone knew it was going to happen.

[34:09] Jennifer Aniston falls in love with Jason Sudeikis.

[34:11] I mean, come on.

[34:12] He's got a little beard.

[34:14] Daniel Martindale comes around to not being racist anymore when she meets Asif Manvi's

[34:18] mom.

[34:19] Jason Sudeikis manages to do a karaoke version of Humpty Dance, which is terrible because

[34:25] it's Mother's Day themed.

[34:27] And there was one other thing that happened that actually was crazy, and I don't remember

[34:31] what it was.

[34:32] Well, there was Cameron Esposito and Second Becky made a Mother's Day float, a womb-shaped

[34:39] Mother's Day float.

[34:40] Oh, for the Mother's Day parade.

[34:41] Because they're lesbians, I guess.

[34:42] Oh, and also, and of course, Jennifer Aniston proves—

[34:44] It also looked like if you combined a vagina and a brick oven pizza.

[34:49] I could see that.

[34:50] It was like a funnel on a brick oven pizza.

[34:52] And Jennifer Aniston throws a huge party involving still-walking clowns, and then later proves

[34:56] that she's the real mom because there is an asthma scare with her son, and she's the only

[35:01] one who knows where his backup inhaler is.

[35:03] In a way, that brick oven pizza vagina kind of reinforces my statement that we're all kind

[35:09] of like pizzas, right, guys?

[35:11] Uh, yes?

[35:12] Yeah, the cheese is the skin, the sauce is the blood, the crust is the bone.

[35:16] Exactly.

[35:17] And the crust is the top, his teeth, when your bone sticks out of your face.

[35:20] Kind of like a Toad the Wetsprocket song.

[35:22] Which part is the body of Christ, again?

[35:23] The box, maybe?

[35:26] The pupperonis.

[35:27] The little plastic table that keeps it from folding out.

[35:30] Yeah, what does that represent?

[35:31] I guess, yeah, the Trinity?

[35:32] That was when I carried you, my son.

[35:35] That's when I carried the top of the box.

[35:36] That was when I stacked the pizza boxes.

[35:38] Now, there's two things I want to talk about.

[35:40] One, interior design.

[35:42] Let's just set that aside.

[35:43] Everything in this looks like a restoration hardware catalog.

[35:46] Everyone is that level of rich in movies like this where they can afford anything and they

[35:52] have jobs like interior designer or, in Timothy Olyphant's case, guy.

[35:57] It seems...

[35:58] Yeah, well, I mean, I think he was like a linen suit model, probably.

[36:02] Well, that's why it seems so ridiculous that Julia Roberts' character would give her daughter

[36:08] up for adoption to pursue a career when, in theory, she's just going to earn money.

[36:14] It will just appear and she'll have nice things.

[36:16] Yeah.

[36:17] And I realized earlier we said a baby wins a stand-up comedy competition.

[36:20] It's just the guy carries the baby on stage with him and does a baby thing.

[36:24] And everyone's like, aw, a baby.

[36:25] Although the real star of the show is the fat gay man in the front row that he banters

[36:29] with during the act.

[36:31] But they still give the check to the baby.

[36:33] I mean, there's a bunch of other comics who don't get a check because of that.

[36:38] Can you imagine?

[36:39] You've been going to Bulkhead's Comedy Pavilion or whatever it is, Buckhead's Comedy Place

[36:43] for comedy camp.

[36:45] Depot.

[36:46] Yeah.

[36:47] Discount Comedy Barn.

[36:49] Buy it in bulk for weeks to get this $5,000 check.

[36:53] And on the last day, a baby swoops in and takes it from you.

[36:56] I would be so mad.

[36:58] I would be on WTF the next week complaining about that.

[37:02] And Marc Maron would be like, ah, that's interesting.

[37:04] That's interesting.

[37:05] Where did your parents grow up?

[37:06] What did your dad do for a living?

[37:08] We used to have beef.

[37:09] Tell me, this baby, did I know them?

[37:12] Was I mad at them?

[37:13] Did they not like me?

[37:14] Hey, baby, who are your guys?

[37:16] Who are your guys?

[37:19] Anyway.

[37:20] A lot of shade going around here all of a sudden.

[37:23] Broadcast shade.

[37:24] I would say it's more...

[37:26] We.

[37:27] And me?

[37:28] Yeah.

[37:29] Certainly.

[37:30] Punching up.

[37:31] Yeah.

[37:32] Right?

[37:33] I wish someone had punched up this script.

[37:36] So I said I would place interior design on the side, and then we talked about it anyway.

[37:40] So they're all rich.

[37:41] It doesn't matter.

[37:42] Jennifer Aniston can, on a moment's whim, throw a huge party involving...

[37:46] Like a $40,000 to $50,000 party.

[37:47] Did you just say Jennifer Garner?

[37:49] I thought you said Jennifer Aniston.

[37:50] She's a ghost at this point.

[37:51] I'm sorry.

[37:52] Jennifer Garner.

[37:53] Rest in peace.

[37:54] Jennifer Aniston can, on a whim, overnight, plan this $40,000 to $50,000 kid's party with

[37:58] a huge inflatable water slide, clowns on stilts, a petting zoo.

[38:02] Multiple clowns.

[38:04] This clown gives her very good life advice while wearing creepy makeup.

[38:08] I mean, he's a clown.

[38:10] Yeah, I'm like normal clown makeup.

[38:12] Just like business clown.

[38:15] Business clown.

[38:16] I'm a regular business clown.

[38:18] So that's the richness.

[38:20] But also, Mother's Day in this movie...

[38:22] And look, I have a mom.

[38:23] I'm married to a mom.

[38:24] Mother's Day is going to be...

[38:25] I mean, we're celebrating on Saturday with my mom and on Sunday with my wife.

[38:29] It's her day.

[38:30] It's like...

[38:31] Because Sunday is actual Mother's Day.

[38:33] It's a special day.

[38:34] They treat it, in this movie, like it's Christmas and Easter and Passover and Ramadan wrapped

[38:41] up into one sacred day.

[38:42] If any crazy event happens on that day, and during the day they're like,

[38:46] Oh, this was a crazy Mother's Day, right?

[38:49] And it's like, no one remembers that it's Mother's Day on Mother's Day.

[38:53] In the lead up to Mother's Day, all anyone can talk about is Mother's Day.

[38:56] Even the guy whose mother...

[38:58] The mother he's married to is dead.

[39:00] All they can talk about is Mother's Day.

[39:01] Because Mother's Day is going to be so difficult this year.

[39:03] What are you doing for Mother's Day?

[39:05] You got your Mother's Day gifts, Seth?

[39:07] Yeah, a guy wrecks his car.

[39:08] He's like, I can't believe I wrecked my car right before Mother's Day.

[39:14] Are we going to go out and sing Mother's Day carols tomorrow?

[39:16] A bunch of terrorists are about to hijack a plane.

[39:19] They're like, no, no, no.

[39:20] It's Mother's Day.

[39:21] They've had enough.

[39:22] Let's do this for the mothers and just give them a rest.

[39:26] His armies are massing at the border between our world and hell.

[39:30] And he goes, wait.

[39:32] It's Mother's Day.

[39:34] I should be with my mom.

[39:36] Give them this.

[39:37] He goes over, hits play on his CD player, and it goes, Mother.

[39:44] Tell your children to walk your way.

[39:47] Tell your children to call regularly.

[39:49] Oh, he's got like a novelty version?

[39:51] A novelty version?

[39:52] Oh, Mother.

[39:56] You are singing the version of that song.

[40:00] would have been of the karaoke version if it was done in this movie.

[40:03] Yeah, I guess you're right. Yeah.

[40:05] So feel bad about that.

[40:07] And if you want to get brunch with me. Oh, yeah.

[40:11] Yeah, this is an alternate.

[40:12] This is like a this is like a Twilight.

[40:14] It might as well be a Twilight Zone episode where at the beginning

[40:17] they're like, consider, if you will, a universe.

[40:21] That's your Rod Sterling.

[40:23] Wait, hold on.

[40:24] Consider, if you will. Consider, if you will.

[40:26] Consider, if you will.

[40:27] Don't talk to your teeth more with the tour. So simple.

[40:29] Consider, if you will.

[40:30] More than a world. Consider, if you will.

[40:34] A world where you don't move your jaw at all.

[40:36] Like you're like you're used to having a cigarette in there.

[40:38] A world where mothers a little less deep.

[40:40] I keep your lips shut.

[40:41] A world where mothers and I just talk to your nose.

[40:47] A world where mothers.

[40:48] OK, now as if he's got like a bad cough.

[40:50] A world where a world.

[40:53] OK, now he's really sleepy.

[40:55] World where mothers. OK, now he's drunk.

[40:57] A world where mothers. OK, now he's Italian.

[40:59] A world where mothers.

[41:01] OK, now he's Bane.

[41:03] A world. Wait, hold on.

[41:06] Wow. Bane changed.

[41:07] Batman. A world.

[41:09] I can't do it.

[41:10] OK, well, I don't think he's heavier from Fiddler.

[41:13] Yeah, he sounds like Tevye.

[41:15] A world where mothers, Batman.

[41:17] Sounds crazy, no?

[41:20] But in our little village of Atlanta, Georgia,

[41:23] Mother's Day is the most important day, Batman.

[41:27] I was born in the Mother's Day.

[41:29] Father's Day comes later.

[41:33] So, Dan, OK, it's like a twilight zone

[41:35] where Mother's Day is the most important day.

[41:37] Yeah, it is like we wandered into the like red universe and fringe

[41:41] and everybody's like super into Mother's Day and Leonard Nimoy's there.

[41:46] Yeah, sure.

[41:48] Sounds like a magical world or fringe.

[41:49] Yeah, yeah.

[41:51] It was a popular show.

[41:52] There's like five or six seasons.

[41:54] I'm not talking like fucking Supernatural or something.

[41:57] No, sure. Babylon five. Lots of shows.

[41:59] I don't know what was them all.

[42:01] Fringe was a popular show.

[42:04] It's got a lot of popular Supernatural, which is a nerd show.

[42:07] No, you're right.

[42:08] I'm just like went for like 14 seasons or something.

[42:12] Yeah, I still go.

[42:12] And I don't think they've increased the budget since the first season.

[42:16] They're like broke.

[42:17] Yeah. They're like, no, we'll just turn a mustache into a demon wig.

[42:21] OK, cut that mustache off.

[42:28] So Mother's Day, it's all everyone talks about.

[42:31] It's a week till Mother's Day. It's Mother's Day coming up.

[42:34] What about the mothers?

[42:35] Mother's Day, Day of All Mothers.

[42:37] It's a little overwhelming, even for a movie called Mother's Day.

[42:42] I mean, this movie is pitched so hard, like

[42:46] so much of Gary Marshall's stuff is pitched so hard to a certain

[42:50] demographic.

[42:51] On this case, the demographic is mothers.

[42:53] Well, yeah, I mean, it might as well have been two hours

[42:56] of a overfilled glass of white wine.

[43:01] This is the Kathie Lee and Hoda of movies.

[43:03] It's like it's like a movie version of an electronic picture frame.

[43:08] This is the same seven pictures of your grandkids over and over again.

[43:12] And they managed to sneak in a bunch of jokes about like how kids

[43:16] can never take their face away from their cell phones.

[43:20] Yeah, there's someone says tweet at me at some point.

[43:22] And I got up and stomped around the room because it sounded fucking stupid.

[43:26] Well, then, but then Jennifer Aniston talks about how stupid she thinks it was.

[43:29] Tweet at me. Did she say tweet at me?

[43:31] No, but I thought it was stupid because it was clearly snuck in there

[43:35] because they're like old people think Twitter is dumb.

[43:38] Yeah. Unless they're the president, I guess.

[43:42] In which case they think Twitter is their lifeline to the American people.

[43:47] There's a lot of bad jokes in this movie

[43:51] and things that are set up as jokes, but then aren't.

[43:54] And there's a lot of, I guess, attempts at what would have been jokes.

[43:57] But they're like they have the form and structure of jokes.

[44:00] But yeah, there's no there there.

[44:03] And there's definitely some ADR stuff snuck in there to punch up scenes.

[44:06] I was fully expecting at some point in this movie to hear.

[44:09] And here comes Slipknot, the man who can climb everything.

[44:13] That was how ADR this movie was.

[44:16] Stuart's favorite character.

[44:17] My favorite ADR line of the year.

[44:19] I'm I'm still processing.

[44:22] So sad about Slipknot.

[44:24] I mean, he just had so much attitude.

[44:27] He was so fully fleshed out.

[44:29] I mean, you care. You really cared.

[44:31] You think that guy's going to slip? Not.

[44:34] That's how he got his name, actually.

[44:37] But there's a lot of scenes like, let me just I'm just going to tell you one scene

[44:41] where Jennifer Aniston is going to her kid's talent show or something.

[44:46] Yeah. All I know is it's in the park, much like everything else in the movie.

[44:49] It is way too high budget for what it's supposed to be,

[44:52] which I guess is supposed to be a kid

[44:54] like one of those kid music performance recitals at school.

[44:58] Her older son is playing in the orchestra band.

[45:02] The younger son is going to appear, I guess, in a parade of animal costumes.

[45:07] And he and she's mad because their stepmother shows up

[45:11] and takes a seat that she was saving, and they argue.

[45:14] But then that fizzles out and then the son walks out dressed as a lion.

[45:19] But he's put his costume on backwards.

[45:20] So the tail looks like a penis and everyone thinks it's hilarious.

[45:24] I mean, it's pretty funny.

[45:25] End of scene. End of scene.

[45:28] The tension doesn't exist. There's no consequences.

[45:31] It's not even like what should the consequences be like?

[45:35] Off with the head.

[45:36] Yeah. Fucking 10 days in the isolation cubes.

[45:39] Taken away in cuffs.

[45:40] You have made light of the holy phallus.

[45:45] You shall spend four days in the in the hot zone.

[45:48] Outside the city walls.

[45:50] Oh, the scorch?

[45:51] They stone him like in a Shirley Jackson play.

[45:54] But like that, that like the mom would be embarrassed or people are shocked by it.

[45:59] Maybe there's an old lady and someone covers the old lady's eyes

[46:01] and the old lady pushes their hand away.

[46:03] Then she starts rapping and you're like, whoa, this is getting good.

[46:06] And Jason Sudeikis is like, let me handle the rapping, miss.

[46:09] My name is Humpty, et cetera, et cetera.

[46:11] But it's like in a lot of the scenes, something happens that or like,

[46:14] for instance, there's a scene at the aforementioned very expensive kids party.

[46:18] Timothy Oliphant climbs up to the top of this water slide

[46:21] to get his son, who refuses to leave, to go with him to a Foo Fighters concert.

[46:25] And and a little girl.

[46:28] I mean, I kind of empathize with this kid.

[46:30] I mean, they're not terrible.

[46:32] I don't love them.

[46:33] Sure. But I think he thinks Dave Grohl just kind of he's a little icky, you know?

[46:38] Yeah, of course.

[46:39] Someone's projecting.

[46:40] He's a little icky.

[46:42] You got to admit, though, two huge bands.

[46:45] That guy's on a girl.

[46:46] Oh, God damn it.

[46:47] Anyway, so Timothy Oliphant climbs the top of the soul.

[46:50] Just left my body.

[46:51] Yeah, you're welcome.

[46:53] Tell it. Tell your body.

[46:54] I said, you're welcome for the vacation.

[46:56] Did it go to the soul asylum, a band he's not in?

[46:59] Oh, I think I know kind of where you're going.

[47:03] Oh, never mind.

[47:06] Okay. All right.

[47:07] That's an album.

[47:08] Oh, come on.

[47:08] It's in the overall.

[47:09] That's good.

[47:10] Yeah, it's a shame about Ray.

[47:12] Okay. That doesn't track at all.

[47:15] Hey, you guys are just a bunch of cherry pop and Danny's

[47:20] not remotely in the genre or local area.

[47:23] But he prefers to go by cherry pop and Danny

[47:25] is a one man.

[47:28] Cherry pop and Danny's tribute.

[47:30] At least that's what his tattoo says.

[47:34] Now, all I can picture is Dan in like a full one man

[47:36] band outfit with like the drum, but over a zoot suit over.

[47:39] Oh, my God.

[47:40] Cherry pop and Danny's.

[47:42] Damn symbol in it.

[47:44] How many how many new and upgrading donors does Max one need to get at the next

[47:49] maximum right for you to get a tattoo that says cherry pop and Danny?

[47:53] I would.

[47:54] I would for Dan performing a demo of zoot suit riot.

[48:00] Yeah, I would do that.

[48:01] I don't know about.

[48:02] Well, I don't know about just any number that would look stupid.

[48:06] Let's just start having drinks, dude.

[48:08] Like a tattoo we wanted to get anyway.

[48:12] You don't know that.

[48:13] I mean, Dan, I there were there.

[48:15] If one of us gets a tattoo, it's big stakes, really,

[48:18] because I could not be buried in a synagogue.

[48:20] I'm not.

[48:21] And you would forever have cherry pop and Danny.

[48:25] It's the content of the tattoo.

[48:28] You didn't get it.

[48:28] And we're not going to be like, hey, it's kind of funny, right?

[48:33] It's a goof.

[48:34] Yeah, like wiggling your shoulders.

[48:36] It's an ironic tattoo.

[48:37] Look, it's dancing.

[48:38] It's a little ironic.

[48:40] Yeah, I've been dancing.

[48:41] Yeah, come on with me.

[48:45] And it's like, sir, why is your shirt off if you're already?

[48:48] I mean, the idea of this tattoo, let's let's get real, guys.

[48:53] Is that break it down?

[48:54] The reveal should be done, you know, when you're when you already

[48:59] have that special someone in your apartment.

[49:01] Things are real romantic.

[49:02] They probably can't leave at that point.

[49:04] The lights are low.

[49:06] You're drinking champagne.

[49:07] Yeah, candles.

[49:08] I can maybe cherry pop and daddy's is on this.

[49:10] All right.

[49:11] That's right.

[49:11] Turn it low, though, the turntable.

[49:14] Because it's got the original vinyl.

[49:15] Yeah, you want to hear that.

[49:16] Yeah, it's just got a warmer sound because otherwise it's it's.

[49:19] Let me show you my tattoo, sir.

[49:21] We can't serve you with this piggly wiggly.

[49:23] If you don't put your shirt back on.

[49:24] Wait, I'm being served at a piggly wiggly

[49:28] like the deli counter chair up to the meat counter.

[49:32] Were you getting a sandwich at a Wal-Mart?

[49:34] So either one, a date or a half pound of oven gold turkey.

[49:38] All right.

[49:40] Start pulling the food section one at a time.

[49:44] I'm just going to sit on this watermelon and tell you, say that a waiter

[49:49] said, wait, I don't care if it's not your business model.

[49:53] It is now making the pickles.

[49:55] So wiggle me.

[49:56] Making a school out of 20 boxes of Ritz to eat another box of Ritz.

[50:00] I'll pay for when I'm done, as I would at a restaurant.

[50:04] Sir, do not tell me to put my shirt on and obey store rules.

[50:09] Don't expect a tip, I'll tell you that.

[50:12] I thought at Piggly Wiggly it was my way right away.

[50:14] Oh, that's a different place? I apologize.

[50:17] Alright.

[50:18] So anyway, uh, what were we even talking about?

[50:21] I don't know.

[50:22] We were talking about this tattoo.

[50:23] Before the tattoo.

[50:24] More fuckin' movie, I think.

[50:25] We watched a movie tonight, it's called Mother's Day.

[50:28] Timothy Olyphant has climbed to the top of a water slide,

[50:31] and a little girl is egged on by Jennifer Aniston to turn off the pump that keeps it inflated.

[50:37] Okay, he's gonna fall into some water, he's gonna fall and hurt himself.

[50:40] It slowly deflates, and Timothy Olyphant steps off of it.

[50:45] To, I guess, the mild bemusement of the crowd.

[50:49] The young girl who did it takes her glasses off and then makes a look of shocked amusement,

[50:55] because apparently when wearing her glasses she couldn't see what was happening.

[50:58] We are to believe that this little girl is farsighted.

[51:02] And she cannot read, she is wearing her reading glasses.

[51:05] Gary Marshall, I say stop it.

[51:08] Stop trying to purvey these lies to us.

[51:10] You have stopped, you've passed. I'm so sorry, sir.

[51:13] That was insensitive.

[51:14] We'll see you at the crossroads.

[51:16] So you won't be lonely, is that how it goes?

[51:20] We'll see you at the crossroads.

[51:23] On that note, I think we should...

[51:25] If ever there was a bone thug in harmony, it was Gary Marshall.

[51:30] We should move on to final judgments.

[51:32] Whether this is a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, or a movie you kind of like.

[51:35] Stuart, what do you have to say?

[51:37] Oh man, I had such a good time talking about it.

[51:40] It's a good good movie.

[51:44] Alright, that was a shocker.

[51:48] I'm gonna say this is a bad bad movie.

[51:51] It's not the most offensive movie that we watched.

[51:54] I enjoyed it more than Assassin's Creed.

[51:56] No, it certainly kept my attention more than...

[52:00] I would say...

[52:01] Except for all that time you were checking your phone.

[52:03] Well, but that's... you don't know...

[52:06] You don't know how much he usually checks his phone.

[52:08] Or falls asleep during the film.

[52:10] This is probably more diverting than 70% of the movies that we watched.

[52:14] But I still can't give it any good rating.

[52:17] Half the time I'm assuming Dan's astral projecting or something.

[52:22] I'm gonna also... I'm gonna give it a similar rating.

[52:25] It's not fun enough to be good bad.

[52:27] It's not a great movie, but like...

[52:30] A. If given a choice, you put a gun to my head and you said you wanna watch Mother's Day again,

[52:34] or you wanna watch Home Sweet Hell.

[52:36] Look, there's gonna be an Elliot-shaped hole in the VCR as I shove that tape of Mother's Day in.

[52:42] I can't get it in fast enough.

[52:44] Was it released on VHS?

[52:46] Gary Marshall, I assume, asked for a VHS copy for his...

[52:49] For him to be buried with.

[52:51] Yeah, I mean, for true collectors.

[52:53] And what would you say?

[52:55] Yeah, I mean, it's... yeah, it's...

[52:57] Everything you guys said, it's not awful, it didn't offend me,

[53:01] but it's like a melted vanilla ice cream cone.

[53:05] We're gonna hold you to that.

[53:07] Inoffensively bad bad.

[53:08] That's okay. That's a good way to describe it, yeah.

[53:11] Now I'm thinking that they probably did release it on VHS from, like,

[53:14] Jack White's Third Man Records or something.

[53:16] Yeah.

[53:17] Within a limited pressing of like...

[53:18] I feel like they'd wanna do it in VHS if only so the grandparents of this world

[53:23] could keep it in a wicker basket in their TVs.

[53:26] And then what? Light it on fire?

[53:28] Yeah.

[53:29] To bring back their crops?

[53:30] Yeah, of course.

[53:31] Yeah, do a wicker basket of VHS tapes.

[53:34] That they keep in the bathroom for some reason.

[53:37] Mm-hmm.

[53:39] Because it smells good, dude.

[53:42] But you can't wash your hands with it.

[53:44] You think you can.

[53:46] Or eat it.

[53:47] Or have a chicken make a nest out of it.

[53:54] From the dawn of time,

[53:56] one podcast has unlocked the secrets of science and technology

[54:01] to enrich the lives of billions.

[54:03] And now, after a year where they've unlocked the golden age of knowledge,

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[54:11] Wait, hold up!

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[54:52] MaximumFunStore.com

[54:54] Because if you have to wear a shirt, it should be one of ours.

[55:00] We should move on to...

[55:02] You getting that tattoo? I'm for that.

[55:04] Our sponsors.

[55:06] Our first sponsor is Dan's Bad Idea Tattoos.

[55:10] That are keeping the lights on

[55:13] on this fine program, I guess.

[55:17] It's okay.

[55:18] There's one light.

[55:20] And the first is ZipRecruiter.com.

[55:22] Are you hiring?

[55:23] Yeah.

[55:24] Do you know where to post your job to find the best candidates?

[55:27] No.

[55:28] How did you find out about it, Paul?

[55:30] Listen.

[55:32] He's telling my story right now.

[55:34] Listen, buddy.

[55:35] Keep rolling.

[55:36] Posting your job in one place isn't enough to find quality candidates.

[55:39] If you want to find the perfect hire,

[55:41] you need to post your job on all the top job sites.

[55:44] With ZipRecruiter.com, you can post your job to 100 plus job sites,

[55:49] including social media networks like Facebook and Twitter,

[55:53] all with a single click.

[55:55] Whoa, whoa, whoa, Dan. Let me stop you right there.

[55:57] Yeah.

[55:58] 100 plus. Now that means more than 100, right?

[56:00] That is the literal meaning of 100 plus, yes.

[56:03] But how many clicks do I need to do that?

[56:05] I would need like 300 clicks.

[56:06] A single click.

[56:07] One click?

[56:09] I think that if you had to do it to 100 sites and you needed 300 clicks,

[56:13] you would be a fool.

[56:15] Mathematically.

[56:16] So I guess what you're saying is my plan to compete with ZipRecruiter

[56:21] with ZapRecruiter, a three clicks for every site it goes on process,

[56:26] is not as good as ZipRecruiter.

[56:28] No, I think that you've come up with a fool's errand there.

[56:33] Well, take it from Dan.

[56:35] Don't invest in my new company.

[56:36] Just go to ZipRecruiter to recruit all the Zips you want.

[56:39] And right now, my listeners, our listeners.

[56:43] Yeah, thank you, Dan.

[56:44] Can post jobs on ZipRecruiter.

[56:46] No, no, star of the show, Dan McCoy.

[56:48] The only one anyone tunes in for, Dan McCoy.

[56:50] All the Dan heads out there.

[56:52] Yeah, all the Danos, the cherry popping Dannys themselves.

[56:56] My listeners can post jobs on ZipRecruiter for free by going to ZipRecruiter.com

[57:00] slash first.

[57:01] That's ZipRecruiter.com slash first.

[57:03] One more time, to try it for free, go to ZipRecruiter.com slash first.

[57:09] Now, Dan, if you were hiring for something, what would you be hiring for?

[57:13] What would your dream business that you're hiring other people?

[57:16] And it can't be like a Dan Blow job business, a real business, Dan.

[57:19] Gross, dude.

[57:20] I can't believe you fucking thought of that.

[57:22] I can't believe you said that.

[57:25] I wish I had my own personal bard.

[57:27] Just keep it PG, right, guys?

[57:29] Your own personal bard?

[57:30] Yeah, a bard that came behind me and sang songs of my exploits.

[57:34] I would love that.

[57:35] Oh, that's cool.

[57:36] Now he's sitting on the couch, catching up with Legion.

[57:42] Danny of the Ten Fingers.

[57:46] Danny of the Ten Fingers, generic bard.

[57:50] He seems exceedingly sad.

[57:54] The oxygen goes in.

[57:56] Carbon dioxide goes out.

[57:58] Dan, Dan, Dan McCoy, breathing all about.

[58:01] Ten dollars, please.

[58:03] Are you going to take a shower today?

[58:07] All right.

[58:08] Pajama pants with no shirt.

[58:10] It's 6 p.m.

[58:12] It's all he's worn all day.

[58:14] Watch him throw a jacket on over his bare chest for the Chinese delivery man.

[58:22] Hey, real talk, guys.

[58:24] Real talk, guys.

[58:26] How often do you accept deliveries from food places in your underpants?

[58:31] Like in my just my underpants?

[58:34] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[58:35] I throw on some pajama pants.

[58:36] I'm not a monster.

[58:37] Well.

[58:38] Sounds like Stu's a monster, I'm guessing.

[58:41] That makes me a monster.

[58:45] Do you at least like sort of like poke your head around the door?

[58:49] Or do you just waggle out?

[58:51] I assume Stuart just checks the fly on his Y-fronts to make sure that he's not hanging out.

[58:56] Yeah.

[58:57] Sometimes.

[58:58] Yeah.

[58:59] Sometimes it falls out.

[59:00] He waits to open the door fully before the big reveal.

[59:03] Your tip, sir.

[59:07] No, I was just wondering because, you know, different styles.

[59:11] Yeah, for different files.

[59:14] Anyway.

[59:16] It makes the filing system difficult if everyone has a different style.

[59:19] The next sponsor that helps us here at the Flophouse is Blue Apron.

[59:25] Blue Apron.

[59:26] Not all ingredients are created equal.

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[59:31] So it's important to know where your food comes from.

[59:34] For less than $10 per person per meal, Blue Apron delivers seasonal recipes along with pre-portioned ingredients to make delicious home-cooked meals.

[59:43] Wait, Dan, pre-portioned ingredients.

[59:45] I don't have to measure shit out, which I hate doing.

[59:48] Pardon my language.

[59:49] I don't need to measure fuck out, which I hate doing.

[59:52] Yes, your weird, lazy mental block against taking out some measuring cups.

[59:58] Let's talk about it for a second.

[1:00:00] There's a little thing called parallax which makes it so I have to line up the lines on the cup

[1:00:05] real close to my face to make sure the right amount is in there,

[1:00:08] otherwise optical illusion, I have too much or too little.

[1:00:11] That's too much stress for me.

[1:00:13] Somebody measure it out beforehand, give it to me that way.

[1:00:16] Blue Apron, you did it.

[1:00:17] Thank you very much.

[1:00:19] Yeah, I mean, yes, it's a great service.

[1:00:22] I'm not saying anything bad about it.

[1:00:24] And it's seasonal.

[1:00:25] For the pissy anal retentive chef.

[1:00:28] Less than $10 a person, Dan.

[1:00:31] No, this is a good service.

[1:00:33] It's a good service.

[1:00:34] I mean, and listen to the upcoming meals you can get.

[1:00:36] Please, thank you.

[1:00:37] I don't know why we're so angry about it.

[1:00:39] Dan, read the meals.

[1:00:41] You got beef teriyaki stir fry with sugar snap peas and lime rice.

[1:00:45] That sounds good.

[1:00:46] Lime rice sounds great to me.

[1:00:48] Baked spinach and egg flatbread with sautéed asparagus and lemon aioli.

[1:00:53] Oh.

[1:00:53] Three cheese and baby broccoli stromboli with tomato and oregano dipping sauce.

[1:00:58] I can't even picture that, but it sounds delicious.

[1:01:00] And crispy salmon and roasted potato salad with pickled mustard seeds and creamed fresh sauce.

[1:01:06] You can do all that while wearing your underpants.

[1:01:09] Yeah.

[1:01:09] You don't have to worry about putting on pajama pants or saying hi to a delivery guy.

[1:01:14] No, that's the worst part, the saying hi.

[1:01:19] Hi.

[1:01:20] You're probably noticing my lack of pants right now.

[1:01:23] You can check out this week's menu and get your first...

[1:01:26] Don't worry.

[1:01:27] The cash is in my underpants.

[1:01:28] Hold on.

[1:01:30] Is that like a...

[1:01:32] I definitely...

[1:01:33] There was like a heat wave one summer and I went into bodegas in Brooklyn

[1:01:37] and there would be signs that said no bra money.

[1:01:42] Really?

[1:01:42] Yeah.

[1:01:44] Holy shit.

[1:01:45] Because it was super hot out.

[1:01:46] It was all sweaty.

[1:01:47] Well, I...

[1:01:48] Yeah, all right.

[1:01:50] Check out...

[1:01:50] That's Dan's favorite kind of money.

[1:01:53] Check out this week's menu and get your first three meals for free

[1:01:56] with free shipping by going to blueapron.com slash flop house.

[1:02:01] The first three meals for free?

[1:02:02] Yeah.

[1:02:03] Well, if you go to blueapron.com slash flop house.

[1:02:06] How do you not do that?

[1:02:07] Yeah.

[1:02:08] That's three meals free.

[1:02:10] You know what I call that?

[1:02:12] Almost impossible in this modern world.

[1:02:14] Uh, is this the time when we look up in the sky for the massive j-j-j-jumbotron?

[1:02:23] Yes.

[1:02:24] Okay.

[1:02:24] It's beautiful.

[1:02:25] What do I see up there in the sky?

[1:02:27] Let me peel my peepers.

[1:02:29] Or your pizza skin.

[1:02:33] This message is for D-Dog.

[1:02:36] The message is from Justin.

[1:02:39] Happy birthday to my best friend in the world.

[1:02:42] You make my life one million times better.

[1:02:46] And I honestly have no idea what I would do without you.

[1:02:51] You deserve a great bidet.

[1:02:54] And I hope this helps.

[1:02:56] Love, Justin.

[1:02:58] I gotta assume that was B-Day.

[1:03:00] Oh, let me do that over.

[1:03:03] No, you deserve a great bidet.

[1:03:09] And I hope this helps.

[1:03:10] Love, Justin.

[1:03:14] Oh, I'll accept my Academy Award in the form of a Cadbury egg.

[1:03:22] And I have a jumbotron message to read.

[1:03:24] Aw, this message.

[1:03:25] What?

[1:03:26] Yes, this message is for MaxFunEast and Flophouse DC participants.

[1:03:30] And it's from Brian.

[1:03:32] And it goes like this.

[1:03:34] The Flophouse live event in DC was a blast.

[1:03:38] I met lots of great people and I took some fun photos.

[1:03:41] Apparently, trading pain meds for gin and tonics can leave things a bit unclear.

[1:03:44] To all I met and was charming to, you are welcome.

[1:03:47] To anyone I was not, I apologize.

[1:03:49] And to the guy who watched my bag 300 times while I went to the bar, thank you.

[1:03:53] See lots of you MaxFunsters in the Poconos.

[1:03:55] Brian, preferred gin withheld.

[1:03:58] It's Hendrix.

[1:04:03] That's a lovely message.

[1:04:04] That was very nice and sweet.

[1:04:05] And the MaxFun community is a very nice one.

[1:04:09] Speaking of the MaxFun community, I just want to say real quick,

[1:04:11] shout out to Alan White, who is currently recovering from a very invasive surgery.

[1:04:15] That dude's awesome.

[1:04:17] Met him at MaxFunCon East.

[1:04:18] So go, Alan.

[1:04:20] And Dan, we have some things of our own to plug, right?

[1:04:23] A few things.

[1:04:24] Is there time for that?

[1:04:25] Yes.

[1:04:25] First off, just quickly, a friend of the Flophouse, a former co-host of the Flophouse,

[1:04:33] John Kingman, is directing a feature sci-fi comedy in New York City in June,

[1:04:37] and he needs your help.

[1:04:38] It's called Ghostbusters.

[1:04:40] Well, no.

[1:04:41] Head on over to Indiegogo and search Snatchers, or just go to Trending and Film.

[1:04:47] Get some rewards, support Indie Film, and see a cameo from us, the Flophouse,

[1:04:53] if we can manage it with our schedule.

[1:04:55] Yeah, we're working on that.

[1:04:56] We're hoping to be in this movie.

[1:04:58] And follow Snatchers on Instagram, at Snatchers Film, or Twitter, also at Snatchers Film.

[1:05:06] So the movie might need three romantic leads, is what you're saying?

[1:05:10] Yeah, it's weird, but I'll buy it.

[1:05:12] I'll allow it.

[1:05:14] In movie court.

[1:05:15] It's good to be king, etc.

[1:05:16] Stuart, I believe you had an exciting project.

[1:05:19] Yeah, I just wanted to say, we've mentioned this before, but we have a hot new release

[1:05:24] from the Flophouse.

[1:05:26] No, it's super hot.

[1:05:28] It's a super hot new release, fresh out of the pizza oven.

[1:05:31] Steaming moist release.

[1:05:35] We have a new issue of the Flophouse Funnies.

[1:05:37] That's the digital Flophouse comic book that we make and put out with all proceeds going

[1:05:47] to the ACLU.

[1:05:49] This recent issue, the second issue, was written by me, titled A Hairy Night in Wolfsburg.

[1:05:56] I wrote it.

[1:05:57] Jacob Edgar did the art.

[1:05:59] Colors by Derbla Kelly.

[1:06:02] I'm sorry if I mispronounced that, by the way.

[1:06:05] Letters by Simon Boland.

[1:06:08] Cover by the always amazing Tom Fowler.

[1:06:12] Who did the numbers?

[1:06:13] The numbers.

[1:06:14] Let me double check that thing.

[1:06:17] The cover art by Nathan Fairbairn.

[1:06:22] I don't know how to pronounce it properly.

[1:06:24] Cover dress by Chris Eliopoulos.

[1:06:27] Editor is the incredible Nate Cosby who kind of put this whole thing together.

[1:06:32] So if you get a chance, I've given everybody credit, I believe.

[1:06:35] And there's an amazing pin-up in there by Alex Robinson from Star Wars Minute, a show

[1:06:40] that Dan and I are going to be on next week.

[1:06:44] So if you get a chance, go support the ACLU and read my silly little story that I had

[1:06:51] been cooking in my old brain box for a while.

[1:06:54] And if you haven't, pick up the issue that Dan wrote.

[1:06:57] And then I think Elliot's is on the way and it looks great so far.

[1:07:00] Yeah, mine is looking good.

[1:07:02] I think it's for next month.

[1:07:03] I don't know when we're going to be putting it out.

[1:07:05] We'll tell you when it's coming out.

[1:07:06] But the more support we get, the more we're able to put those out.

[1:07:09] Yes.

[1:07:10] And then the more we can contribute to the worthy cause of protecting our civil liberties

[1:07:14] and freedoms and so forth.

[1:07:15] Which seem all the more tenuous nowadays.

[1:07:19] But with the werewolves and things.

[1:07:20] What?

[1:07:21] What?

[1:07:21] Speaking of civil liberties and werewolves.

[1:07:23] Hey, guys, we have a live show coming up on June 9th.

[1:07:27] Not an accurate segue.

[1:07:29] There will be no werewolves or civil liberties.

[1:07:32] Now, this show is at the Bell House in Gowanus in Brooklyn.

[1:07:35] Now, people are like, didn't that show sell out?

[1:07:38] Why are you promoting it on your podcast?

[1:07:40] Why are you taunting me?

[1:07:41] It's like that when you two played Madison Square Garden and they printed up posters

[1:07:45] where the tour dates were all marked as sold out and plastered them all over the city.

[1:07:50] And it was like, why are you advertising a sold out concert?

[1:07:53] Why just to fulfill what a contractual obligation?

[1:07:55] I didn't even want to see you two.

[1:07:57] And you're wiping into my face that I couldn't even buy tickets to see a band I don't even like.

[1:08:01] You too.

[1:08:02] I honestly thought you said YouTube.

[1:08:04] Oh, no.

[1:08:04] Yeah.

[1:08:04] YouTube was playing at Madison Square Garden.

[1:08:06] And I was on day sold out the garden.

[1:08:08] I was like, I can see this at home.

[1:08:10] I would love to see Chocolate Rain played live, though.

[1:08:13] Can't get up that slide.

[1:08:16] So anyway, that show is sold out.

[1:08:17] But lucky ducks that you are.

[1:08:20] There's a second show that same night, June 9th.

[1:08:22] Are you kidding me?

[1:08:23] Two shows in one night.

[1:08:25] Two shows in one night.

[1:08:26] We're going to be crazy good.

[1:08:28] Yeah, we're going to be giddy tired.

[1:08:30] It's at 10 p.m.

[1:08:31] The second show doors are at 930.

[1:08:32] And we've announced what movies they are.

[1:08:34] We can say so on six, nine.

[1:08:38] Things are going to get a little bit horny up in the bell house as we started off with

[1:08:43] the early show watching Triple X, one of the sequels.

[1:08:46] The Return of Xander Cage.

[1:08:48] And the late show for all you crazy folks.

[1:08:52] For all you pervs out there.

[1:08:53] All you sweet pervs.

[1:08:55] Is going to be, Dan?

[1:08:56] Dan just perked up.

[1:08:57] Fifty Shades Darker.

[1:08:59] Oh, so look, for those of you who come to the live shows.

[1:09:01] The movie Dan threatened if we didn't watch it, he would watch it on his own to jack it.

[1:09:06] We're going to watch it for this thing.

[1:09:07] I didn't specifically say to jack it.

[1:09:09] We knew what you meant.

[1:09:11] And usually when we do these shows, we do like the big action movies or whatever.

[1:09:15] For this one, it's the first time I think that we'll have been doing a sexy movie.

[1:09:19] I mean, we did Entourage, which is not a sexy movie.

[1:09:22] I think my thing went all the way up inside my body.

[1:09:25] Which, you know, nothing wrong with that, I guess.

[1:09:27] But it got me.

[1:09:28] No, no, it definitely might.

[1:09:30] My penis ran away and I didn't see it for a couple of days.

[1:09:32] It sent me a postcard.

[1:09:34] I'm so mad at you for watching this.

[1:09:37] And we're going to be doing Fifty Shades Darker.

[1:09:40] So that's the second show.

[1:09:41] If you're going to the first show and you want to stick around for the second show,

[1:09:44] get a ticket for it, dude.

[1:09:45] If you didn't get a chance to see the first show because it sold out,

[1:09:48] get a ticket for the second show.

[1:09:50] The second show is going to be nuts and you better believe it's going to be pretty obscene.

[1:09:55] A little bit nasty.

[1:09:57] Probably too much.

[1:09:58] A little bit rock and roll.

[1:10:00] and a little bit rock and roll.

[1:10:01] That tiny wee bit country, but not this country.

[1:10:05] Mm-hmm.

[1:10:07] Malaysia.

[1:10:08] Belarus.

[1:10:10] And so that's, go to the Bell House website,

[1:10:12] just Google Bell House Flophouse, June 9th.

[1:10:16] Look, it's that easy.

[1:10:17] Wow, it sounds like we got a lot of Flophouse housekeeping

[1:10:20] out of the way.

[1:10:21] What's next, Danny boy?

[1:10:22] Next is letters from listeners.

[1:10:24] Oh, cool.

[1:10:25] The first is from Mike Lastname Withheld, who writes,

[1:10:28] get ready for Mike's first letter.

[1:10:30] Mike Huckabee is writing us?

[1:10:32] I thought he was a total asshole.

[1:10:34] That can't stop him from writing,

[1:10:36] because at the Flophouse, we'll take letters from anybody.

[1:10:40] No matter how big an asshole you are,

[1:10:43] there's a place for you in the Flophouse heart,

[1:10:46] because the Flophouse heart is big enough for assholes

[1:10:50] like you.

[1:10:51] OK, Dan.

[1:10:51] Elliot, can I ask you a question?

[1:10:54] Go right ahead.

[1:10:54] If Hitler wrote you a letter, would you

[1:10:56] read it on the Flophouse?

[1:10:58] I guess what I would do is screen it

[1:11:01] for content ahead of the time.

[1:11:03] Now, did he sign that letter?

[1:11:05] Did he sign that letter?

[1:11:07] Yes, he signed it.

[1:11:08] Love, Adolf.

[1:11:09] Then I'm selling it on that secondary market.

[1:11:13] But here's the thing.

[1:11:14] Should it go to a museum?

[1:11:15] Yes.

[1:11:16] Should it go to a creepy collector

[1:11:18] with a wood-paneled basement with that one swastika flag

[1:11:21] hanging up that all those bad guys have hanging up

[1:11:24] in their wood-paneled basements?

[1:11:26] I don't want it to go to him.

[1:11:28] But if the price is right, that's the wisdom of the market.

[1:11:31] So let's mark it down as the letter

[1:11:33] that maybe we won't read, unless he

[1:11:36] has a good question about, I don't know, Logan or Sacha Jett

[1:11:40] Ray.

[1:11:42] Oh, if he wants to know about that, then sure, yeah.

[1:11:44] Mike Lastname Withheld writes, in the fall of 2013,

[1:11:49] I, an impressionable young flop fan,

[1:11:51] took some time off from college to backpack

[1:11:54] through Western Europe like a walking, talking,

[1:11:56] URail riding cliche.

[1:11:59] So it was that I found myself extremely hungover,

[1:12:02] waiting to change trains in the Rotterdam station.

[1:12:05] And change chains.

[1:12:06] I don't know what his life is like.

[1:12:07] Change, change trains.

[1:12:10] Change your trains.

[1:12:13] Changing trains in the Rotterdam train station,

[1:12:15] listening to, as luck would have it.

[1:12:17] Wasn't Changing Trains that Gwyneth Paltrow movie?

[1:12:19] Yeah, John Hanna.

[1:12:23] Listening to the newest Flophouse episode,

[1:12:24] Food Fight, when you three got to the now classic hot hot.

[1:12:28] Changing training day.

[1:12:31] This is not my fault. He says hot on a tin tin roof,

[1:12:33] instead of cat on a tin tin roof.

[1:12:35] Tangent, my carefully fabricated, world-weary.

[1:12:38] He wrote a letter to us, dude.

[1:12:39] Don't make fun of him.

[1:12:40] Dan, you knew what he meant.

[1:12:41] Just correct it in your head and then say it the way it's written.

[1:12:44] I started talking because I was reading the fucking letter.

[1:12:47] And then I was like, this sounds wrong.

[1:12:49] And I'm like, they're going to make fun of me.

[1:12:51] But it's not me.

[1:12:52] Let me pass the buck.

[1:12:53] This is a not me or an I don't know.

[1:12:56] Fucking little ghost.

[1:12:59] Let's follow the little dotted line to the end of this letter.

[1:13:01] When you three got to the now classic cat on a tin tin roof,

[1:13:05] a hot tin tin roof.

[1:13:06] Tangent, my carefully fabricated, world-weary traveler persona

[1:13:09] devolved into pits of embarrassingly childish giggles

[1:13:13] through the dismay of the several Dutch businessmen

[1:13:15] and older women with whom I shared the platform.

[1:13:18] The memory is so vivid that now, anytime you bring up tin tin,

[1:13:21] or I listen to the food fight episode, one of my favorites in the catalog,

[1:13:25] I'm immediately and vividly transported back to Rotterdam

[1:13:28] and the scorn of the Dutch.

[1:13:30] My question is,

[1:13:32] are there any movies or other pieces of the title of like a Daniel

[1:13:35] Close story or something?

[1:13:37] The scorn of the Dutch.

[1:13:38] Are there any movies or other pieces of culture that your mind is inextricably

[1:13:42] inextricably linked with the location or situation

[1:13:46] you were in when you first experienced them?

[1:13:48] Best, Mike, last name withheld.

[1:13:51] Yes. Yeah, I like a lot.

[1:13:54] I mean, none of them are particularly funny.

[1:13:56] I think one of the ones that sticks out is I remember

[1:13:59] I went to a college visit, you know, when I was a senior in high school

[1:14:05] and I was looking at colleges and it just so happened that my

[1:14:09] like one of my closest friends growing up, Casey Crowe, shout out to KK.

[1:14:14] We went to we happen to be doing a college visit

[1:14:18] this like weirdly conservative school in southern Michigan.

[1:14:23] And we like we went

[1:14:26] and we went on the like tour of the college together.

[1:14:29] And the guy giving us the tour was this like super conservative dude.

[1:14:33] And we're like, oh, I think you're pitching to the wrong people, man.

[1:14:39] So we went on this and it wasn't very fun.

[1:14:41] And the room we stayed in was terrible.

[1:14:44] So the next day we had a free afternoon.

[1:14:46] We didn't have to go to school or anything.

[1:14:47] So we drove back home and Big Lebowski was in theaters.

[1:14:51] And we both went to Big Lebowski in like a 1 p.m.

[1:14:55] showing and got out of it.

[1:14:57] And I think we collectively were having like

[1:15:00] maybe we had smoked weed in the van or something,

[1:15:03] but we were both collectively having this like acid flashback.

[1:15:07] And it was just a really weird experience.

[1:15:10] And yeah, it was really awesome.

[1:15:13] So whenever I think of Big Lebowski, I think of this weird time in a van

[1:15:16] where I was having an acid flashback.

[1:15:18] Are you high right now?

[1:15:19] No, I'm just pretty drunk.

[1:15:21] OK, so, yes, I mean, it depends on your definition.

[1:15:26] I remember the first time I saw any part of Bride of Frankenstein

[1:15:29] was on a rainy night in a youth hostel in Scotland.

[1:15:33] And I saw the part where Dr.

[1:15:35] Pretorius had like the little ballerina and like the miniature homunculi

[1:15:40] in the bottles in little bottles.

[1:15:43] And I will forever associate that with being in Scotland

[1:15:49] displaced among other poor travelers.

[1:15:55] I think I'll forever remember a little double feature

[1:15:58] of the great outdoors and stripes as being the movies

[1:16:02] that I watched on tape in the dining hall at my summer camp

[1:16:06] on the big night when instead of sleeping in our cabins,

[1:16:10] we all slept in the dining hall and we watched the van outdoors.

[1:16:14] And when the younger kids went asleep, mind you, in the same room

[1:16:17] as everybody else.

[1:16:18] And I was one of the younger kids.

[1:16:20] But I stayed up anyway.

[1:16:21] The older campers and the adults put on stripes.

[1:16:24] Do you like it to make out with a girl or something?

[1:16:28] No, I think I was like, buddy, I don't want to judge.

[1:16:30] Yeah, thank you.

[1:16:31] I think it was 12.

[1:16:32] So, no, like a squirrel.

[1:16:34] No, maybe 11.

[1:16:36] But it was there was something.

[1:16:36] But there sounds like you're old enough to party.

[1:16:39] Do you?

[1:16:41] There's something about sitting in my sleeping bag in this big dining hall

[1:16:45] watching the great outdoors, a movie I don't care for.

[1:16:49] And I mean, at the time, I thought it was awesome.

[1:16:51] And then doesn't he eat like sheep testicles or something in that?

[1:16:55] No, that's that's funny.

[1:16:57] In the great outdoors, he has the steak challenge

[1:17:00] where he has to eat the entire steak and get it for free.

[1:17:03] And then he ends up throwing it up later.

[1:17:05] It's the sheep testicles or gold balls or whatever.

[1:17:07] There is money for him.

[1:17:08] Yeah, where he's eating them and he loves them.

[1:17:10] He's eating them.

[1:17:11] And there's a he's beating the record for how many we're ever eaten.

[1:17:13] And they're like, those are gold balls.

[1:17:14] And he doesn't want to anymore.

[1:17:15] And it's like you've been chowing them down like like you love those things.

[1:17:19] Do don't fall to society's norm.

[1:17:22] You thought they were delicious until you found out what they were.

[1:17:25] But anyway, what about you, Paul?

[1:17:29] I saw.

[1:17:32] Do the right thing the night it came out.

[1:17:36] And in an inner city Trenton movie theater,

[1:17:41] I was one of three white people in the audience.

[1:17:44] And I'm assuming there was more than three people in the always packed,

[1:17:48] packed audience.

[1:17:49] I was a one to that movie come out like eighty nine, eighty.

[1:17:52] Yeah, around then.

[1:17:53] I don't know.

[1:17:53] So I was like a 19 year old dorky white guy.

[1:17:57] And it was.

[1:18:00] Genuinely, the most visceral.

[1:18:03] Reaction I've ever had and been a part of at a movie,

[1:18:07] I never felt genuinely unsafe, but during the riot sequence,

[1:18:11] it was almost like one of those weird castle

[1:18:16] gimmick movies, because like a tingler,

[1:18:18] the kind of a tingler thing, like the people in in the audience around me

[1:18:21] were yelling and screaming and people going up and down the aisle.

[1:18:26] And it was tense.

[1:18:29] It was very tense.

[1:18:31] But then at the end of the movie,

[1:18:35] as people were leaving the theater, it is also the most I've ever heard

[1:18:38] people talking about the movie and the message of the movie,

[1:18:42] like how it puts up that Martin Luther King quote and then the Malcolm X quote

[1:18:45] as to whether violence is justified or not.

[1:18:47] And it was I mean, I haven't heard I spent a year in film school.

[1:18:52] I haven't heard that much discussion about the.

[1:18:55] Yeah, that kind of a connection.

[1:18:57] Immediately following it was it was actually it wasn't just like some weird

[1:19:00] old guy being like, so what do you think of the movie?

[1:19:03] I was going to say, hang out in a New York movie theater

[1:19:06] and all the old people are going to want to talk to you about what the movie meant.

[1:19:08] You're like, dude, I just want to go home.

[1:19:11] Like, I have my own thoughts about the movie

[1:19:13] and I don't need to share them with you, old man.

[1:19:16] Yeah. Old man, look at my life.

[1:19:19] I don't want to talk to you about this movie.

[1:19:21] Oh, Dan, look at my life.

[1:19:23] I'm a lot like Stu.

[1:19:26] But again, it was an intense, intense movie experience.

[1:19:30] I've never had anything approaching that.

[1:19:33] So moving on, this is from Jeremy.

[1:19:36] Last name withheld.

[1:19:37] Jeremy is spoken in the form of a letter.

[1:19:43] Song's actually about Jeremy Sisto.

[1:19:44] Oh, really? I didn't know that because he speaks.

[1:19:48] You make a good point and has spoken.

[1:19:52] Checks out. Yeah.

[1:19:53] Lemon yellow sun, it's all there.

[1:19:55] I recently revisited the does seem like a harmless little fuck.

[1:20:00] Even though he tries to be menacing in Waitress, it just doesn't really play.

[1:20:07] I recently revisited the 2002 film.

[1:20:11] 2002?

[1:20:12] Ah, from the year 2002!

[1:20:18] I recently revisited the...

[1:20:21] We're all brains in a computer by that point.

[1:20:23] I recently revisited...

[1:20:26] It's just like an old IBM PC, it's not a fancy computer, it's just like a brain and a CRT.

[1:20:34] I recently revisited the 2002 film Red Green Duct Tape Forever.

[1:20:40] He revisited it, mind you, he did not just watch the film Red Green Duct Tape Forever.

[1:20:47] I've never...

[1:20:48] He watched it for the second time, perhaps the third or fourth time.

[1:20:52] I've never deliberately watched Red Green, I've only stumbled upon it in random moments.

[1:20:57] I remember as a kid, stumbling on it on PBS for the first time, being like, what the hell

[1:21:02] is this?

[1:21:03] Wait, is this a Red Green movie?

[1:21:07] Yeah.

[1:21:08] So wait, did he...

[1:21:10] Was he in a situation like that one episode of Six Feet Under where a crackhead has a

[1:21:15] gun to his back, and he has to go into a gas station, he has to go to a gas station, buy

[1:21:21] a copy of this Red Green movie, and go home and watch it twice?

[1:21:27] I thought you were saying the plot of the movie was that Red Green was taken hostage

[1:21:31] by a crackhead.

[1:21:32] And duct tape's gonna get him out of it somehow eventually.

[1:21:35] Yeah, it has to, and he's just being folksy and Canadian, you know?

[1:21:39] Uh, no, he says, oh, well, okay.

[1:21:42] It's an adaptation of the popular, beloved...

[1:21:45] Thanks for classifying.

[1:21:46] Go on, I'm sorry, Dan.

[1:21:47] An adaptation of the popular, beloved, 15-season, 300-episode, Canadian TV sketch sitcom, The

[1:21:56] Red Green Show.

[1:21:57] He's got the bona fides.

[1:21:58] Right there.

[1:21:59] Although a lot of what made the TV show great comes through in the film, especially the

[1:22:03] easy chemistry between Steve Smith and Patrick McKenna as the wildly confident Red Green

[1:22:09] and his gawky, nerdy nephew Harold.

[1:22:11] Oh, I know it well.

[1:22:12] There are plenty of things that would only make sense to a viewer of the film if they're

[1:22:15] familiar with the TV show, like the black and white...

[1:22:17] I mean, hold on a second.

[1:22:18] Deep in the Red Green lore?

[1:22:19] They were not seeking to widen the Red Green audience to a new national feature platform?

[1:22:25] No, this one was for the fans.

[1:22:27] It was Kickstarted.

[1:22:28] They're like, I got an idea for a new franchise.

[1:22:30] How many people do you bump into and you're like, yeah, I was watching the Red Green Show,

[1:22:36] and they're like, what's a show?

[1:22:38] How did I know the movie?

[1:22:42] Like the black and white narrated segment at the beginning, setting up their conflict

[1:22:45] with the evil real estate developer or the entire character of Ranger Gord.

[1:22:48] Conversely, since the TV show is mostly about the misadventures of a group of lovable, bumbling,

[1:22:54] outdoorsy men in rural Ontario, every single antagonist in the movie, the real estate developer,

[1:22:59] the crooked cops, the judge, was fabricated just for the film, and nobody watching because

[1:23:04] they like the show has any emotional investment in them.

[1:23:07] I mean, to be fair, almost every movie ever made, you don't have any emotional investment

[1:23:12] in the characters until the movie is gone a little bit.

[1:23:14] And then you like, that's how movies work.

[1:23:17] No, that's a fair argument.

[1:23:18] You shouldn't, it shouldn't all be like the MCU where you're like, oh, I care about this

[1:23:22] thing because I've been reading comics for 20 years.

[1:23:24] Yeah, exactly.

[1:23:25] But yeah, it's not like people when they went to see Casablanca were like, oh, I can't wait

[1:23:30] to see how this movie handles the famous characters of Rick and Ilsa.

[1:23:33] Oh boy.

[1:23:34] Yes.

[1:23:35] In your opinion, what movie adapted from a TV show has done the best job of balancing

[1:23:39] between being a good movie to watch without having seen the show and being a continuation

[1:23:44] of the show that its fans love so much?

[1:23:46] You're sincerely Jeremy last name withheld.

[1:23:48] Is there a PS in there that says Uncle Buck is not a valid answer?

[1:23:52] The show, wait a minute, the show came after the movie.

[1:23:55] Oh shit.

[1:23:56] It always, I can't think of that many movies after shows.

[1:23:59] Yeah.

[1:24:00] Serenity is what I was going to go with.

[1:24:02] I actually saw Serenity before I saw any Firefly episodes.

[1:24:06] I would say that the Alan Partridge movie, I think does a pretty good job of, you don't

[1:24:11] really need to know the show, but if you do know the show, it's funny to see where

[1:24:14] he's ended up, you know?

[1:24:16] Serenity is good at letting the character, like letting everyone know what you need to

[1:24:22] know to enjoy the movie.

[1:24:24] And it also ties up loose ends from the show.

[1:24:26] If you watch the show and we're like, I want more Firefly, uh, maybe Twin Peaks Firewalk

[1:24:34] with me.

[1:24:35] Although I watched all the Twin Peaks before I saw Firewalk.

[1:24:37] I think Firewalk with me may in a weird way work better as a standalone David Lynch movie.

[1:24:45] If you're like a David Lynch fan, because anything you don't get because you haven't

[1:24:49] seen the show, you're like, it's a David Lynch movie.

[1:24:51] I don't know that I'm supposed to get that.

[1:24:52] But if you're a Twin Peaks fan and you watch that movie, you're kind of expecting it to

[1:24:56] be, to make more sense in a way, and it doesn't, but there's a lot of really good stuff in

[1:25:01] that movie.

[1:25:02] I feel like, uh, Empire Strikes Back is a real good adaptation of the Star Wars holiday

[1:25:06] special.

[1:25:07] Yeah.

[1:25:08] Yeah.

[1:25:09] Good job of expanding on that.

[1:25:10] Mm hmm.

[1:25:11] Mm hmm.

[1:25:12] Mm hmm.

[1:25:13] I would argue it's, it's a good version.

[1:25:14] Uh, yeah, it's a good sequel to the holiday special.

[1:25:18] There's somebody out there who's like, Star Wars is great.

[1:25:22] Holiday special takes a dip, but then they bring it back for Empire Strikes Back.

[1:25:31] And one last letter from first name, last name and everything else withheld.

[1:25:35] Oh, just one more.

[1:25:37] On your Independence Day 2 Independence-er episode, you made a bunch of jokes about weird

[1:25:43] niche sex toys, which would normally be totally fine and hilarious, except that, as fate would

[1:25:49] have it, I listened to your podcast while walking to the post office to pick up a package

[1:25:53] of the very same weird niche sex toys you were joking about.

[1:25:58] Existential terror filled me, like, in the line behind some lady buying stamps.

[1:26:03] What else do these wacky movie watchers know?

[1:26:06] Had the house cat hacked into my computer and stolen all my dark secrets and illegal

[1:26:10] bitcoins?

[1:26:11] Was I, like the Will Smith character, about to be poochied?

[1:26:14] Anyway, the rest of the episode was pretty funny, so it's cool.

[1:26:18] Keep on flopping.

[1:26:19] First name, last name, everything else withheld.

[1:26:21] So, uh, we're sorry for causing you that kind of existential terror.

[1:26:27] I mean, you know what I'm going to say is, whenever people call out my specific sexual

[1:26:32] fetishes on a podcast and they say it's weird, I say, that's why it makes me extra turned

[1:26:39] on.

[1:26:40] Yes.

[1:26:41] Because Jesse and Jordan over at Jesse Jordan, whatever they do, talk shit about what makes

[1:26:49] my weenus go crazy.

[1:26:52] It's like, you don't like it?

[1:26:54] That just makes it a little more naughty.

[1:26:56] That's the thing, baby.

[1:26:57] And I'm not really turned on by what's being done, per se, but by the boundaries that are

[1:27:02] being broken.

[1:27:03] Mm-hmm.

[1:27:04] Like, when you're playing with, like, a crazy Rubik's Cube and then a bunch of chains come

[1:27:08] out of nowhere and, like, rip your face off, you're like, I'm like a preacher.

[1:27:16] Clive, I want to talk to you about your new Hellraiser novel.

[1:27:21] Were you eating a pizza when you wrote it?

[1:27:23] Yes, I was.

[1:27:24] I was eating quite a bit of pizza from the local pizza shop.

[1:27:28] Well, it's pretty clear.

[1:27:29] There's a lot of pizza in this one.

[1:27:32] We have so many toppings to show you, Kirstie.

[1:27:35] Yeah, again, it's this.

[1:27:37] I want to remind you, publisher, there was a lot of pizza being consumed.

[1:27:41] It's a me, a pinhead.

[1:27:42] That's a pizza pie.

[1:27:43] Yeah, you like it.

[1:27:44] Yeah.

[1:27:45] Jesus, I wept.

[1:27:46] No pepperoni.

[1:27:47] No pineapple, though.

[1:27:48] Right?

[1:27:49] It's off limits for the pepperoni.

[1:27:50] Yeah.

[1:27:51] Salad goof.

[1:27:53] I'm glad I was a part of it.

[1:28:08] No pineapple.

[1:28:09] That will go down in history.

[1:28:10] Crap history.

[1:28:11] I'm sorry, Stu, that was too harsh.

[1:28:12] Do not give a shit.

[1:28:13] But there's a thin line between pleasure and pain.

[1:28:17] Lastly, we should move on to our final segment on the show, which is recommendations.

[1:28:22] Movies that we actually liked that you should watch instead of Mother's Day.

[1:28:27] Anybody got anything?

[1:28:28] Yeah, so on Mother's Day, instead of firing up the movie Mother's Day, you're sitting

[1:28:38] around with your mommy.

[1:28:39] You're like, I want to watch a fucking movie with this lovely lady who gave birth to me.

[1:28:44] So I would recommend pulling up your iPad, slamming your thumb on that shutter app, and

[1:28:56] watching with your mom the movie Resolution.

[1:29:01] Resolution is a little low budget, like, I guess, horror thriller.

[1:29:05] It's about a guy who goes to help out his friend who is struggling with crack addiction.

[1:29:13] So he tricks his friend into going back to this shack in the middle of nowhere and chaining

[1:29:19] him to the wall.

[1:29:21] And he's just kind of, this guy's resolved to spending the week with his friend, helping

[1:29:26] him detox.

[1:29:27] And over the course of the week, let's just say some strange things happen.

[1:29:33] So yeah, I'd recommend going to check out Resolution.

[1:29:36] I know the guy who made it has a new movie coming out, I think sometime next year, called

[1:29:43] I think The Endless or Endless, which sounds awesome.

[1:29:47] So go check out Resolution so you can, when the new movie comes out, you can be like,

[1:29:51] oh, I already know this guy's first movie and it's good.

[1:29:55] Do I have to say it in that voice?

[1:29:58] You have to do that exact voice.

[1:30:00] don't do it in that voice

[1:30:01] uh... you owe me a cook and that's the role of that's the law

[1:30:06] still on jinx rule

[1:30:07] mhm

[1:30:09] uh... i'm gonna recommend a movie this movie that we watched i had jason

[1:30:13] sudeikis in it

[1:30:15] and it was not very good

[1:30:17] and so i'm gonna write a movie where you're gonna wreck a movie i'm gonna

[1:30:20] write a movie where i don't know where i got the fuck out of it that would've

[1:30:24] been a way better name for our podcast

[1:30:28] wreck a movie yeah where we wreck a movie

[1:30:31] uh... hey i'm gonna wreck a movie

[1:30:34] it's uh... called colossal

[1:30:37] it has jason sudeikis in it

[1:30:39] and it has elliot's

[1:30:41] long time paramour

[1:30:43] anne hathaway oh dude is that tough for you to see her so happy in movies and stuff now

[1:30:47] that you guys aren't together i mean i would say that the idea that we are in a relationship is

[1:30:51] an exaggeration to the point of being completely a fabrication

[1:30:55] okay there's not even a kernel of truth to it

[1:30:59] it does and i'm glad to see that annie's doing great

[1:31:01] and i'm glad to see that she's got this cool movie she seems pretty successful yeah she's doing really good

[1:31:05] i think uh... the quote i would use is she won an academy award movie for uh... an academy award for uh...

[1:31:10] she won an academy award movie in a like office fucking super bowl pool

[1:31:17] she won an academy award for

[1:31:19] crazy girl's sister has the worst wedding ever

[1:31:22] yeah i don't like that movie

[1:31:24] so i would say

[1:31:27] i just if i didn't find the wedding so irritating it might have been different

[1:31:30] my poll quote for your ex-girlfriend anne hathaway is

[1:31:34] unfairly maligned

[1:31:36] she is totally unfairly maligned so dan what's this movie that you're recommending

[1:31:40] it's called colossal

[1:31:42] now who pronounces it that way so that movie's directed by the guy who directed that movie

[1:31:46] time crimes that i recommend all the time because it's awesome i didn't realize it was the same director

[1:31:51] time crimes is really good

[1:31:53] uh... this movie in case you haven't heard of it is about anne hathaway she's a

[1:31:57] drunk uh... lady who has

[1:32:00] professionally yeah well kind of

[1:32:03] i mean that's kind of my job she's unemployed she's drunk her life is in disarray

[1:32:08] she breaks up with her boyfriend or her boyfriend breaks up with her to be more accurate she

[1:32:12] moves back home boyfriend played by dan stevens yeah dan stevens of

[1:32:16] the guest fame and uh... tv's legion how the fuck did they not advertise

[1:32:23] the beauty and the beast movie where dan stevens plays the beast with

[1:32:27] be the guest

[1:32:29] because he's the guest in the guest movie i think that's probably because no one saw the guest

[1:32:33] that shit is hilarious

[1:32:36] listeners write in

[1:32:37] and tell me that that joke was hilarious

[1:32:40] seems like you put your finger on the scale on that one

[1:32:45] anyway

[1:32:46] uh...

[1:32:47] so she goes home

[1:32:49] to her uh... empty parent's house and she's living there for a while and she takes up

[1:32:54] with

[1:32:55] a bunch of drunk

[1:32:56] friends one of them jason sudeikis one of them is tim blake nelson

[1:33:00] one of them is a guy i don't

[1:33:02] know who the fuck he is he's just a handsome dude

[1:33:05] and uh... she discovers let's just say jim blake nelson

[1:33:08] she discovers that she

[1:33:10] has some sort of link to a kaiju

[1:33:13] that is destroying south korea

[1:33:16] and uh... it happens whenever she crosses a certain

[1:33:21] children's park that this kaiju shows up

[1:33:23] in south korea and uh... just stomps all over a bunch of people

[1:33:28] and she's you know obviously at this point let's take it easy with

[1:33:32] spoilies because i haven't seen it

[1:33:34] now tell us the whole movie dan

[1:33:36] dig into the box office of what's not a huge budget movie despite its big

[1:33:41] name stars

[1:33:42] uh... i'll just say steal those extra ticket sales from it daniel

[1:33:46] you cherry poppin danny

[1:33:49] it starts off

[1:33:51] as a

[1:33:53] we sound so sad about it

[1:33:57] how dare you pop those cherries danny at long last sir

[1:34:02] have you no

[1:34:04] cherries unpopped

[1:34:06] it starts out

[1:34:08] as a goofy uh... sort of wistful comedy about a woman who controls a giant

[1:34:14] monster

[1:34:16] turns into a movie about

[1:34:18] uh...

[1:34:20] a nice guy

[1:34:21] or a guy who presents as a nice guy who's actually an abuser

[1:34:25] and it's sort of a critique of a certain type of mail

[1:34:29] and in that vein it uses jason sudeikis very well because

[1:34:34] he can be very charming

[1:34:36] but the switch to not charming is uh... chilling let's found a little bit

[1:34:40] spoken said no spoilers that you're like i'm just gonna drive on past that and

[1:34:45] wave at you let me just tell you what the twist is dude alright

[1:34:48] piece of shit if you're right i was hoping for fucking mothra and now it's

[1:34:52] something different hey dan i haven't gotten to see gardens of the galaxy 2 yet either tell me all

[1:34:55] the jokes in it if you read literally

[1:34:57] any fucking review of it i don't read them i don't read reviews when i want to go see a movie i don't

[1:35:02] read the reviews dan for that reason

[1:35:05] you cherry poppin danny

[1:35:08] never has the nickname cherry poppin danny been so appropriate

[1:35:13] okay so i think it's time for paul to jump in

[1:35:17] uh... i'm gonna take guest prerogative and do two very quickly what yeah that's

[1:35:21] right it's in the rule book look it up motherfucker okay let me look it up

[1:35:25] he's right i'm wrong okay cool

[1:35:27] and a dog can play soccer

[1:35:29] good thing i jotted down that rule book real quick before i got here

[1:35:32] uh... i'm gonna recommend uh... one of on any given day it's my favorite movie

[1:35:37] or one of my three favorite movies certainly uh... nineteen ninety-nine the

[1:35:41] movie topsy-turvy

[1:35:42] by mike lee

[1:35:43] uh... okay which is uh...

[1:35:47] the story of

[1:35:49] gilbert and sullivan jesus christ

[1:35:53] wait jesus christ was in gilbert and sullivan? yes they wrote jesus christ superstar

[1:35:57] and then cats you probably couldn't even have heard that on the podcast but

[1:36:00] stewart dropped a bottle cap that's why there was an uh... expletive uh...

[1:36:05] oh you heard it

[1:36:06] dan's doing some uh... foley work

[1:36:10] now he has to reenact the drop to make it so it makes sense before i was so rudely

[1:36:15] interrupted uh... it is the story of gilbert and sullivan

[1:36:18] who uh... of course wrote many famous operas in victorian england in the late

[1:36:23] nineteenth century uh... operettas

[1:36:26] dan i'm glad you handled that so i didn't have to you popped that cherry as

[1:36:30] is your

[1:36:31] due it won a lot of like

[1:36:34] i don't want to say technical awards but it won like all the costume awards

[1:36:38] it won costume and uh... makeup

[1:36:41] that year i believe

[1:36:42] and it is it's roughly the story of the making of the micado

[1:36:48] but it's really about these two

[1:36:51] creative people and the overall creative process it's one of my favorite movies i

[1:36:54] think it is the best movie

[1:36:56] about the creative process especially a collaborative creative process like

[1:37:01] missus you know show or

[1:37:04] tv show a movie anything that involves a whole lot of

[1:37:07] different and sometimes difficult creative people

[1:37:10] and for those of you unfamiliar with mike lee

[1:37:13] he is a director well-known for working uh... having elaborate rehearsal process

[1:37:18] with his actors where they do a lot of improv

[1:37:21] help flesh out their own characters

[1:37:23] and the story like he comes into a movie mostly with a very rough outline

[1:37:27] he lets the

[1:37:28] is a whole stable of actors he works with

[1:37:31] and as such

[1:37:33] there's

[1:37:34] tons eight there there's tons of really good british character actors in this

[1:37:38] movie and all of the characters even minor ones

[1:37:41] you'll real and and well-fleshed out

[1:37:44] even if you do not on screen for very long because

[1:37:47] and there's just such a love

[1:37:49] in the whole movie for

[1:37:51] this whole process in these crazy people putting on shows

[1:37:55] your second recommendation is going to be naked right now it's not going to be

[1:37:59] naked

[1:38:00] uh... had a couple to choose from i'm gonna go with

[1:38:03] two thousand sixteen south korean movie called train to busan

[1:38:06] i don't think you guys have recommended

[1:38:09] uh... it is

[1:38:11] uh... a zombie movie

[1:38:13] the fast zombie movie for those of you care about such things and it

[1:38:18] it you know it's not an earth-shattering

[1:38:21] all-time great movie necessarily but it's a very well-crafted i think

[1:38:25] example of the genre where it introduces a number of characters the main

[1:38:28] character is a

[1:38:30] uh... hard-working

[1:38:32] south korean salaryman type who is

[1:38:34] been kind of neglectful of his daughter

[1:38:36] the gathers does the usual zombie movie

[1:38:39] work of gathering of series of characters in the first fifteen twenty

[1:38:42] minutes

[1:38:43] and putting then putting wheels in motion the wheels in this case being

[1:38:47] a zombie outbreak in seoul and that it's surrounding area in korea

[1:38:51] and a whole bunch of people stuck on a train

[1:38:53] on its way to

[1:38:56] yeah uh... with zombies both

[1:38:58] off the train and on the train and it does a really it's it's really well

[1:39:01] paced i thought

[1:39:03] uh... it's a very tight

[1:39:05] uh... clockwork

[1:39:07] of that type of genre it keeps things moving nicely does a great job i think

[1:39:10] of establishing

[1:39:12] the uh... geography

[1:39:14] of the movie it's nice to have this very set

[1:39:18] you know kind of a us a snowpiercer style you're on this train and there's

[1:39:21] you're at the back and you need to get to the front

[1:39:24] the gist of it but i don't think it is a real good job of

[1:39:27] making you care about these people as it sets up the dominoes you see which

[1:39:30] dominoes fallen

[1:39:31] yet is that is that so on net so i think it's a lot of netflix and netflix or

[1:39:36] amazon i can't remember it's a it's one of those i've been mean to watch for a

[1:39:39] while and i'm familiar with it familiar with enough that when

[1:39:43] i was bartending one day and i heard some guy describing it to someone else

[1:39:47] and misremembering the name

[1:39:49] i had my my face started twitching like roger rabbit and when he's here he's

[1:39:54] shaving a haircut and i had to interrupt him and tell him what movie he's talking about

[1:40:00] Yeah, but yeah, I've been mean to see it. Yeah, I do recommend it. I think it's a very enjoyable

[1:40:04] um

[1:40:05] type version of this type of movie

[1:40:08] Uh, i'm gonna try to go real fast for uh, it's the mother's day recommendation. Yeah

[1:40:15] Now it's dead alive because of the moms in it. Mm-hmm because it's all about um son's love for his mother

[1:40:20] Uh, I was trying to think maybe i'll recommend my mom's favorite movie, which is the money. Yeah, which is not mine

[1:40:27] The sting I uh, but that doesn't seem really mom

[1:40:31] I recommended it recently and dan recommended recently and

[1:40:34] There aren't a lot of like mother-son movies that aren't horror movies. It seems

[1:40:39] Or albert brooks's mother. Uh, so I figured you know what i'll recommend a movie that my wife who is a mother

[1:40:46] Liked recently that's a movie she saw on a plane. So it's a dan mccoy

[1:40:50] style movie

[1:40:52] Uh, and she watched the movie bad moms on a flight recently. Oh, yeah thinking

[1:40:57] This is gonna be stupid. I'll probably turn it off. I didn't watch it, but she found herself thinking

[1:41:02] This is a kind of dumb movie

[1:41:04] But it actually got to she was saying a few things about being a mom that she hasn't

[1:41:09] Really seen other movies or tv shows yet at the same way and apparently she was talking to her mom friends and they were like

[1:41:15] Yeah, I thought that movie was gonna be real stupid too

[1:41:17] And then like I liked it a lot more than I thought it would so I haven't seen it

[1:41:21] But if you're a mom you're looking for a dumb comedy about moms and you think hey

[1:41:26] This one's not going to be that good, but maybe it'll be a little better expected than bad moms

[1:41:31] I remember shara and I watched that. Uh, i'll chalk it up to the list of movies that I usually

[1:41:37] Put on and I kind of zone out but I thought that was I like that one better than I expected

[1:41:43] And katherine hahn is great in it. Katherine hahn's good. She's like

[1:41:47] in a in a better world

[1:41:50] That would have been her star making turn that would have been her like zach

[1:41:53] Kalafinakis in the hangover type turn in a better world like she and judy greer are starring in movies. Oh, yeah

[1:42:00] I don't understand how judy greer is not starring in more things

[1:42:03] It makes no sense to me. But the uh, but yeah, because there's not enough ex-wife star characters

[1:42:10] Or main character's friend as the main character

[1:42:15] uh, so anyway, so that's a recommendation from the

[1:42:19] Most important mom in my life my wife

[1:42:21] To you any other moms or guys who want to watch moms? Wow, that's great

[1:42:24] It's really nice that you do a shout out to your wife when she's never gonna listen this ever

[1:42:29] Uh, because I think about her even when it's not gonna help me in some way

[1:42:33] That doesn't make any sense. She's half of my soul guys

[1:42:37] all right

[1:42:39] uh, look

[1:42:40] We i'm not gonna lie to you. This podcast has gone long and we're using a new method to record this podcast which has been

[1:42:47] Problematic we're figuring it out still so we're gonna I mean the audience listening may not notice that but we certainly feel it

[1:42:53] Yeah, so we're gonna cut this podcast

[1:42:56] short and

[1:43:01] I'm gonna say long

[1:43:04] But I just mean we're gonna we're gonna say goodbye right now sit in our primer boxes

[1:43:10] And not do some of these bits, uh, so for the flop house i've been dan mccoy. Hey

[1:43:17] Um, stewart wellington elliot caylan over here saying hey guys, and thanks paul

[1:43:22] Hey, i'll be your new elliot caylan soon. Oh

[1:43:26] Oh, can I get a real real real quick plug? Yeah, the reason I came here not really but dan you'll just edit this

[1:43:32] Paul this is great. Just uh, first of all i'm part of paul and storm comedy music duo find us on everything at paul

[1:43:37] Storm also we help run an annual cruise the joco cruise, which is a music and comedy and nerd. Yeah cruise festival

[1:43:45] It's a real good time. We're doing our eighth one february 18th the 25th 2018 in some ways it is like flop house adjacent

[1:43:53] Yeah, a lot of people a lot of people we know are involved on that

[1:43:56] including all once you guys

[1:43:59] Show me the right price. Maybe it will be flop house including. Oh, wow that off air, but uh, you can go to jococruise.com

[1:44:06] It's run by

[1:44:08] It's like we show you the right price. What does that pay for play? What's going on here? Totally?

[1:44:12] Uh a whole bunch of great guests cabins available now cabins are available now

[1:44:16] It is run by internet singer songwriter. Jonathan colton

[1:44:19] Also, we run a paul and storm and another friend of ours and a bunch of great guests

[1:44:23] comedy music fun, uh, the ocean leaves out of san diego goes down

[1:44:28] Mexican riviera go to the website to find out lots more information about it. If you listen to this show

[1:44:34] You would enjoy it. Hey, let's say you're a nerd you like funny stuff

[1:44:38] You're worried about going on a cruise because you don't want people like jocks and super you don't want to be all hard bodies

[1:44:42] Making fun of your pale withered form. Hey guys, here's a cruise ship just for you

[1:44:48] No, swirlies are guaranteed. It's a no 100 no swirly crew. Well, none of the vlavas

[1:45:02] We're saying goodbye

[1:45:08] Goodbye fart sound effect

[1:45:26] Okay, let's try it

[1:45:30] Nice fart sounds

[1:45:33] The nicest I won a contest

[1:45:38] Um

[1:45:43] Better things come in more than threes

[1:45:47] Nobody says good things come in threes. I just did good things come in small packages and deaths come in threes and

[1:45:53] And uh good things come to those who wait behind sketch up good deaths come in threes and lord helps those who help themselves

[1:46:02] The end I stand corrected

[1:46:04] Maximumfund.org comedy and culture artist owned listener supported

Ep. #231 - Mother's Day

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